#i have to get to school before 7:30 which is gonna be extremely difficult

[sorribu]

i have my ap test on tuesday im going to explode

[brick-a-doodle-do]

For the ask game,

1-22 24-39

I am sorry

-Small brain anon

you're forgiven, it's in the past :)

okay before i get into these,,,, 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 12, 15, 20, 25, 26, 27, 28, 30, 35, and 36, 38, have been answered!

that leaves....still quite a few. god damn.

2 : if you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? if you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

i would try, i probably could it just wouldn't be a very long time, even longer than usual. my hand cramps a LOT when i write (which is a new thing idk why) but my stories are still important :D

7 : what is your deepest joy about writing?

i have a few actually! honestly, starting with the most basic joy, it's really rewarding to remind myself that i have the ability to make a world. i can create cool versions of people i absolutely adore and make totally new people too! and i often forget that if i try hard enough i can make people cry with my writing or make one joke have people go feral,,,

another one is the reminder that god damn. almost eight billion people and i had this idea. i have complete freedom over this. i have claimed the coolest idea EVER out of almost eight billion people.

and i guess just the fact that i can write what people want me to write or what people enjoy. i love taking input from others because i know it'll make one person enjoy something! little details that i remember about someone? throw it into a fic and hope they see it and smile

8 : if you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

bye bye fucking dialogue. i would love to write something wordless and see how it works out, it just sounds awesome tbh, very moody. one of my non g/t wips is like that for a lot of it and it's just really calm to write! i don't have to worry about balancing things or making accurate dialogue, it's just one person in the universe and the vibe of that can easily get through to me. and in my experience, it'll go pretty good!

13 : what is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? what is easy?

ehhh i really hate writing combat or anything fast paced. moving scenes along and changing settings has never been a strong suit of mine imo,,,, like it always feels either really rushed or really choppy imo

and i think mental health is pretty easy for me to write. like that hazy, unhappy mind. it's extremely slow and easy to make long and extravagant descriptions with,,,,

14 : do you lend your books to people? are people scared to borrow books from you? do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? will you ever get them back?

i don't have a large collection of books. i'm never really immersed into actually reading a book which i know is awful as a writer and honestly just a terrible attribute of mine but i'm not a big reader. fanfic tho is my bitch, and in which case i have no experience with any of this :'D

16 : what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

a piece of lined paper i found in the book, so essentially someone else's makeshift bookmark

i am respectfully gonna skip 17 & 18 because i don't have the energy to really explain any of that and all of my wips are so like not worthy of those questions. the best ur gonna get is the minutiae of tiny workers i'll post tomorrow lmao

19 : tell me a story about your writing journey. when did you start? why did you start? were there bumps along the way? where are you now and where are you going?

it's nothing too dramatic, i started when i was in third grade and wrote a nine page story by hand and my teacher mentioned i was a strong writer for my age. i wrote all the time in school, picked up fanfic in like early 2019 (which also conveniently was my first g/t writing)

and uhh i started just because the feeling of writing was really rewarding and freeing. i loved roleplaying on roblox all the time too i would love making long descriptions of things n such :DD

i think i'm on a good track, i have 42 full-fledged wips that i have some ideas for, 3 book ideas and a cool and supportive community to share my growth with :]

21 : could you ever quit writing? do you ever wish you could? why or why not?

honestly, no, i don't think i ever could. even if i change my mind about pursuing it as a career i could never stop it being my hobby. it's so freeing and a great way to unwind, i love the thought of writing all of my life and the thought of what my writing will be like in a few years if i'm writing like this now (which is such an improvement from 6 months ago, let me say. and yeah i'm complimenting my work for once)

i never do wish i could, because i know that regardless of if i take a break or not i'm never going to completely abandon it. i have ideas that i'm too in to be out of,,,

22 : how organized are you with your writing? describe to me your organization method, if it exists. what tools do you use? notebooks? binders? apps? the cloud?

it depends on my wips, but for the sake of convenience i'll just go off of my aus on here: it is so messy. there is no organization, and if it is there are so many wips of my organization ideas, it's so sad. i have tried so many different ways to organize my thoughts because doing lists and making things look neat and tidy is my favorite, but on the opposite end i get bored countlessly listing out information i already know, so uhh yeah no organization. occasionally i'll jot down like "make sure to add this!" in my notes app or at the end of wtv im working on

24 : how much prep work do you put into your stories? what does that look like for you? do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

i love the thought of prep work, hate actually doing it. i go in head first, usually with a mental map of whatever i want to happen. a lot of the time though i let the story write itself cuz i'm lazy like that :'D

i dislike trying to actually sit myself down to make things all laid out and ready to be written cause..........gagghghhsadskdj

29 : where do you draw your inspiration? dhat do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

it depends! some of my ideas are directly from a movie or show i watch, usually taking the idea of an "au" not from the fandom but from that show specifically if that makes sense,, other times my head'll give me some three am ideas or random ideas.

i also really like picking a color and making an inspiration board off of it! it gives me some cool ideas cause imagery can tell a big story sometimes imo

when the well is try i usually either work on other stuff or just wait for it to rain again so there's water to run off of.

31 : write a short love letter to your readers.

idk about a love letter but honestly y'all are literally so cool. i know my community isn't remotely close to any big publishers' fanbases but damn it feels so overwhelming in the best way possible to get showered with love by the people i can easily recognize whenever i post something! to have over 100 notes on some of my fics and know that every like on my work is an individual person is just baffling. to know i have almost 200 followers in my corner, even if some of them are bots or following me for other content, it's fucking amazing. sweet comments and questions about my work is just fucking exhilarating!! it's so motivating to hear "write more of this" because damn. demanding. people demand i write more. it's SO COOL. joining social media was probably the worst decision i've ever made but tumblr has singlehandedly fixed every doubt i've had about being on the internet :) <3

32 : what is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? how did you find it? what does it mean to you?

ee passerine & rooftops spoilersss down below :]

i will do fanfic bc. yeah wtv. anyway there are a few, i think that if i'm being actually serious and not doing joke ones, i absolutely love the ending off passerine, it's so perfect. i am tearing up thinking abt it ngl which sounds dumb but damn. "he had a life before this, a mother, a father, a home, sisters and brothers, but what he had now was alright too. he stood alone in his bedroom mirror, combing his hair back from his face to braid it for the day, tucking it behind an ear where a sapphire earing hung, catching sunlight. he paused when he saw it, leaning in close to make sure it wasn't a trick of the light, or the lingering traces of a dream. he blinked once, twice, his mortal heart caught in his throat. there, nestled amongst the pink strands, delicate as a bird's wing, was a single, grey hair. if he listened closely, he could hear his brother coming down the hallway, looking for him. but this moment was his alone, half-sobbing, half-laughing, he fell against his chair and closed his eyes against the sudden sting of tears. he could see in his mind, a field of flowers under an open sky, a place for waiting, where all the finished stories went. where he too would go someday. a knock came at his door, and technoblade began to smile." LIKE DUDE. I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR ENDINGS TO STORIES. it's so dramatic and so domesicated and passerine is such a short story all in all but it's so perfectly written and captures relationships so well. it shows technoblade's acceptance of death so well, and although he'd been wanting of death for a while it still kind of shows how he is eager to pursue the rest of a mortal life.

also from passerine i like "this is what it feels," someone gasped, "to lose everything" I LOVE IT. tommy is their everything and losing him made the story turn so dull,, it went from silver to grey easily. love it.

ALSO. FUCKING ROOFTOPS. it is such an old fic, but it's the second fic i've ever read in the fandom. “youuu aren’t real. nope! noo, no you aren’t. youu’re not reeaal, you'ree inn my head. my head! geoorge is in my head again!” it's just so sad. i love it. the atmosphere of this scene despite it being out of context here is still just so perfect. the vibes of rooftops have never left my head.

and also this absolutely doesn't count but there's a comment on rooftops that said "this is the same story where they went camping" and i have never gone a day without thinking about that LMAO

33 : do you practice any other art besides writing? does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

hghghhhhh not really, no other art. cooking and baking sometimes but i wouldn't call my skill level art LMAO

but it did start a gbbo au and has helped a lot with terminology and stuff!!

34 : thoughts on the oxford comma, go:

i love it in practice but the second i get reminded to use it i go bonkers and start hitting things

37 : if you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

they would think i am weird as hell bro i keep writing about these people SWALLOWING EACH OTHER ALIVE 😭😭😭

i wanted to do a real response to that but a. its 3 am and b. this was funnier <3

39 : what keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

the atmosphere of the thing i am writing. i can be in the most unmotivated mood but the second i start thinking about how a scene or an au feels i am immediately lightened up and want to write it!

god damn it only took about half an hour but i did it!! thanks for these questions, even if they took like 2 weeks to finish and cut me short of what i wanted to do tonight /lh/nmay

[stoney-siren]

May I Have This Dance? PART 1 (Sal Fisher x Gender Nuetral!Reader)

I decided to stray a bit from my usual AOT content and give some attention to the other fandoms I’m in, like Sally Face! :)

Summary: Senior year at Nockfell High is coming to an end, which means prom night it coming up soon. Although usually Sal Fisher is not one for high school get-togethers, he’s been wanting to ask (Y/N) to the dance, though it’s not as easy as most people make it seem. He just doesn’t know how to ask them.

This is the first part, I plan on there being two parts to this fanfic, possibly three.

TW: Swearing, possible mentions of drug use, slight angst? 

“Bullshit!” Larry burst into laughter, throwing his head back as he held his stomach. His rather embarrassed friend tensed up at his reaction. “You wanna ask (Y/N) to prom?” He continued to giggle, as his fit of laughter died down.

“Can you try and be quiet? What if your mom hears.. She’s gonna never let it down!” Sal tugged at his pigtails out of nervousness, pacing around the room.

“Come on, who cares? You should ask them!” The taller boy encouraged as he shut the door to his bedroom, turning his attention back to his blue haired buddy.

If only it was that easy, Sal wanted to say, but he just knew Larry would shoot back with something irritating and snarky. So instead, Sal fell back onto one of Larrys beanbags and let out a loud and irritated sigh. His friend soon followed persuit, jumping onto the beanbag that sat beside Sals.

“I just.. Cant. Who would wanna spend prom night with somebody like me anyways?” His self deprication captured Larrys attention faster than the reaction of a mouse on a mouse trap.

“Oh don’t give me that shit Sally dude! Anybody would be lucky to have you, everyone knows it too! You’re caring and funny, quick witted and honestly just somebody everyone wants to have by their side!” Larry exlaimed, though his words fell upon deaf ears.

Sal was too busy just day dreaming about (Y/N), he admired everything about them, the way they laughed, the color of their beautiful eyes, and the pure look of joy that washes over their face whenever he lets them paint his nails or put stickers on his prosthetic.

“Sal? Sally Face! You listening?” Larry called out, finally getting Sals attention.

“Oh, shit, sorry.. No, I’m not.” Sal shook his head and grabbed ahold of his pigtails again, glancing down at the floor and sighing.

Larry hated seeing his friend like this, he was aware of how low Sals confidence could be sometimes, but he’d never dare to point it out in fear of upsetting him or making things worse. He wished he could show Sal what all their friends and himself thought of him, then maybe he’d see himself in a brighter light.

“I think you should head back upstairs and get some rest now, I’ll see you at school tomorrow, alright?” Larry gave Sal a light punch on the shoulder before standing up and walking to the door with him.

“Yeah, alright. See you tomorrow Larry Face.” With that, he shut the door behind himself and headed to the elevator, pausing at the second floor button, thinking of (Y/N) before hitting the fourth floor button.

Your POV

You laid in your bed peacefully, staring up at the ceiling as the light from your lava lamp illuminated the room. The light was your favorite color, lighting up the side of your face as your thoughts raced for the future. Usually on a Sunday night, you’d play your music so loud that Todd would come over from his apartment and tell you to keep it down, but so many things were on your mind that you just didn’t have the energy to start a little fight with Todd. 

“Maybe I’ll talk to Ash about it, she always has good advice.” You mumbled as you turned and killed your lava lamps energy. You have had a crush on Sal Fisher since Sophomore year, but you never got the chance to talk about it with him or anyone for that matter.

Letting out a final sigh, you shut your eyes and melted into a world of memories and dreams.

“(Y/N)! Get up dear! You’re gonna be late for school if you don’t!” Your mother called from outside your room, this was how you usually woke up before school. She would always pretend to be in a panic, and tell you that you’re late to try and get you out of bed sooner, though sometimes her act would be real. That’s why you always check the clock in your room to see if she was lying or not.

“It’s 7:30, mom.” You mumbled as you pushed the blankets off yourself, Todd probably wasn’t even here yet to walk with you to school. Since you two both lived on the second floor, you guys have walked to school together since the first day of Freshmen year, then Larry, Ash, and Sal came into the picture and you guys became a team.

“Still, get up!” She called, her voice sounded more further away this time. You knew she wasn’t gonna stop pestering you until you got up. So while pushing the covers off your body, you got to your feet and picked out and outfit for today.

After breakfast, you brushed your teeth just as you heard a knock at the door, and your mom open the door to greet Todd.

“Hi Mrs. (L/N), is (Y/N) ready?” His voice grew louder as you stepped closer to the door and stopped next to your mom.

“Hey Todd, I’m ready!” Giving him a smile, he returned it as he lead you down the hallway and to the elevator. He hit the button as he attempted to make conversation with you.

“So how have your grades been? Excited for the end of the year?” He turned his head to make eye contact with you.

“Yeah I guess, I’m still not completely sure what I want to do once I graduate, but I know I’ll have you and everybody else to go to for support.” You responded in a tired tone, still a bit dazed from just waking up only 10 minutes ago. Todd nodded at your response as the elevator chimed.

The two metal doors slid open to reveal Sal and Larry standing on the other side, they looked ready for school just as much as you and Todd.

“Oh hey!” Larry called, “You two look like shit!” He laughed, Todd grimaced in annoyance while you just rubbed one of your eyes, trying to wake up.

“Yeah well your eyebags got eyebags and I’m sure Sals looking more than tired under that prosthetic.” Todd shot back as he stepped into the elevator, you supposed everyone was up late studying, since Mrs. Packerton always has extremely hard ‘end of the year’ tests. The fact that she’s a cultist makes trying to focus more difficult.

You stepped into the elevator and stood between Todd and Sal, taking notice in how quiet Sal was. It wasn’t unusual for him to not say anything, but a small hello could always be heard from him whenever we saw each other.

“You okay Sally Face? You seem a bit quiet.” Larry seemed to get a kick out of comment since he snickered and nudged Sal with his elbow.

“Yeah, what’s up bud?” Larry questioned in an almost teasing tone, it confused you, but you also knew that Sal and Larry always had their own little inside jokes. Maybe something happened last night while they were studying together, probably something involving Larry’s terrible toilet humor, or maybe they just got high again and completely blew off studying.

“Nothing, just tired.” Thats when you noticed how red Sals ears were, though you didn’t think much of it since you just wanted to get to school and get these seven hours of hell over with.

School never failed to be the same as always, with Travis and his homophobic and just down right ignorant remarks, the lunch food always smelling strange (especially the bologna), and of course messing around in the hallways and during lunch time with some of your favorite people. This time at lunch though you asked to speak with Ashley in private, she and Todd were the best advice givers you knew, but you just didn’t have as much faith in Todd in keeping a secret as you did with Ash.

“Whats up, (Y/N)?” The two of you stood behind the school as you anxiously looked around for any people who could overhear you.

“I, um, I needed some advice. It’s about the prom coming up this week..” You mumbled as Ashley burst into squeals of excitement, smiling widely to you.

“Oh I’m so excited you came to me for help! So you want to ask somebody, right? Who is it? Is it Larry?” She giggled and nudged you, trying her best to get the name out.

“No! It’s Sal!” Not even sure where that little outburst came from, you lifted a hand over your mouth in shock, as Ashley’s face only stretched further into happiness as she grabbed your shoulders.

“Oh I just knew you had a crush on him! You always laugh at all his jokes, and compliment him whenever you get the chance! And if you ask me, I think he might like you too!” That suggestion made your face burn, the thought of Sal actually returning such feelings made your heart warm.

“C- Come on, don’t say that!.. But do you really think that?” Ash nodded in response as she took your hand.

“You have to ask him out! And I know just who can help us.”

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33-Epilogue

~~Day 2 of Lucy’s testimony

“Ms. Heartfilia, on the night of the kidnapping please start from the moment you got off the train and were walking back towards your apartment building.”

“O-Okay.” Lucy closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. ‘Just tell the truth, let the prosecutor direct her answers...’ She opened her eyes as she began. “We had a system in place, so whenever I was out alone, I would stay on the phone with someone. That night, Natsu was on the other end. He talked and kept me company. I was maybe halfway to the apartment building when I heard something behind me, but before I could turn to see what it was, I felt a hand wrap around my face and a cloth placed over my mouth. I-I screamed, and I heard Touka’s voice, and Natsu screaming over the phone but everything went black as I passed out. It happened really fast.”

“What was the next thing you remember?”

“I woke up in an apartment that I didn’t recognize. I remember being dizzy, my head hurt, and my eyes were all blurry. My... m-my hands and feet were tied up, and I was lying on my side on the floor.” Lucy stopped again to take another deep breath before continuing. “That’s when I heard noises like drawers opening and closing. I couldn’t see where it was coming from at first, but I guess my mind told me it must be Touka. So, my survival instincts kicked in at that moment. I stayed still, pretending to be asleep, but I cracked my eyes open to see what I could.”

“And what could you see?”

“I s-saw, like a couch, and a wall, and it was covered with photographs of Natsu— just completely covered. And I could see there was all kinds of them, close ups, far shots, old stuff, new ones, clippings... but they weren’t just Natsu. I could see a lot of me and our friends too, and that really creeped me out cause I knew she was watching us, but just, you know, to see it— that was really hard. I tried so hard to stay focused on what was happening. I just kept thinking, I’ve gotta find a way out of there.”

Lucy took the jury through that night, step, by step just as she’d been coached by the prosecutor. The closer she got to the main event, the slower she moved through each detail. They covered all the visuals she saw from her vantage point, inching their way to the moment Touka had begun her physical assault. Lucy’s hands sat in her lap, but they constantly opened and closed into fists to disburse the building anxieties in a physical way. It was a technique her therapist had shown her specifically to use during the trial. Thank goodness for all the preparations by her therapist, because recalling these memories were to re-live them and that was all extremely difficult.

“You testified that Ms. Shiromajyo did not know you were already awake. So, how did she wake you up?”

Lucy took a deep breath knowing this was the hardest part, but the prosecutor needed her to tell the tale. “She kicked me really hard in the back which made me roll over to try and defend, but before I could she stomped me in the stomach, and just kept kicking me over and over...” Lucy’s body trembled as she relieved the event in her mind. “I-I couldn’t do much because I was tied up tightly, so I kept rolling to the side and curling up in a ball. I didn’t wanna scream, because... b-because I thought that’s what she wanted to hear, and I wasn’t gonna give her that satisfaction. But I think it only made her angrier.”

“Was she saying anything through this attack?”

“Y-Yes...” Lucy’s voice cracked. “S-She was calling me a slut and a bitch and blamed me for the pain she was feeling. Said if only I’d walked away like she’d warned me to, I wouldn’t be in this situation. So, I snapped back that hurting me wouldn’t make Natsu love her. That killing me...” Lucy sucked in a breath, “wasn’t worth going to jail over. I thought— that maybe if I try to reason with her, get her to see this wouldn’t change anything, she’d stop, but— it didn’t faze her.” Lucy shivered at how cold Touka’s eyes had been at the moment. “She said, “if I can’t have him, neither will you.” That, “don’t you think I know that?” But she didn’t care. This woman was going to kill me, and she said it with a straight face. That’s when I knew she was serious, and I started preparing myself to die.”

Eventually, Lucy couldn’t even look in Natsu’s direction. She could see the utter turmoil on his face, and it only added to her anxiety. So, instead, she looked at the jury members themselves. That was another tactic the prosecutor instructed Lucy to do. ‘Talk to them,’ he’d explained. ‘Think of this as your opportunity to tell your story. Let them see all the emotions you were feeling then, or feeling now, because they need to know how much Touka’s actions have affected you.’ So, that’s what Lucy did her best to do, scanning just above their heads. She still couldn’t make eye contact because just like Natsu, listening to her story brought a lot of pain to many of their faces.

With tears trickling down, Lucy continued giving a blow by blow account leading up to Natsu’s arrival, and what happened before the authorities arrived. How she got the cut on her neck and other injuries, and how they were fighting against Touka as hard as they could. Tears trickled slowly down her cheeks as she spoke, but she didn’t stop talking. She told them how Natsu begged Touka to leave her alone, even willing to give up his life for it, but once Natsu admitted that he loved her, that really set Touka off. “That— T-That not how I wanted to find out he loved me!” Lucy screamed through the tears. “That’s not how anyone should find that out! And she took that beautiful thing away from me!” Lucy slumped in her chair, trying to stop the heavy sobs wracking her body. Saying it out loud, the anger was seething inside of her because she hadn’t expected to have this reaction. Maybe she’d buried it for far too long?

“Ms. Heartfilia, do you need a break?”

“N-No,” she wiped away the sloppy tears. “I can finish this. I-I need to keep going.”

“Take a moment to compose yourself,” the judge explained, “then continue.”

Lucy nodded to the judge in acknowledgment, then after a long deep exhale, continued to tell the jury how she’d watched as Natsu defended her and what was going through her mind as she saw him stabbed. “All the blood...” she whimpered, fighting the urge to bawl again. “There was so much blood from Natsu’s injuries. I started freaking out because I didn’t wanna die and I didn’t wanna watch my boyfriend killed! So, I-I grabbed the closest object which was a hardcover book— her school yearbook and just started swinging as hard as I could despite my wrists being tied. I was just running on adrenaline at the point knowing it had to be either her or us, and I’m sorry, but I did not want to die.”

At that stage of the testimony, Lucy took the jury through the police’s arrival from her perspective. What she’d observed, and how they finished subduing Touka. “Once they took her into custody, I think I was just in shock. Frankly, I don’t even know how I managed to stay focused through the whole ordeal, I just remember thinking if this woman was gonna kill me, I’d make it as difficult as possible.” Finally, Lucy covered the timeline for the jury between the scene and going to the hospital for treatment, including the panic attack and his she had to be sedated.

“And how has this affected you since the incident?”

“Objection! Leading! This has no relevance to the case!” The defense attorney argued to the judge. “The witnesses state of mind after the fact could be contributed to multiple factors and there’s no way to attribute it solely to my client or the events revolves around my client.”

The prosecutor countered, arguing that Lucy’s continued reactions to the events over the ensuing months was relevant to the case.

But the judge only ruled partially in the States favor. “Re-word you question counselor to the event itself.”

“Ms. Heartfilia, please provide any specific factors you’ve suffered relating to your experiences with Ms. Shiromajyo.”

“W-Well, my panic attacks and nightmares are because of what happened. I keep seeing and reliving things like a movie replaying in my mind. Especially the attack, I literally wake up screaming because of bloody dreams, and this causes me problems, like I don’t get enough sleep, I couldn’t focus on school. Just the fear of leaving my apartment has kept me from doing anything really for months. I’m scared of being kidnapped, even though logically I know Touka is in jail, it doesn’t just make those feelings go away. I wish it did— Heaven help me, I wish it would just go away, but it doesn’t.”

“So, you still fear Ms. Shiromajyo?”

Lucy stiffened and nodded her head vehemently as she shrunk down in the chair. “Yes.”

“Thank you, no further questions at this time. We reserve the right to recall the witness.”

“Cross?” The judge asked the defense, to which they also responded with reserve the right to recall. “Then Ms. Heartfilia, you may leave the stand, but be available in case of being recalled.”

Lucy nodded quietly at the judge, then slipped out of the courtroom. The bailiff lead her to a back room, along with her therapist so she couldn’t hear what was going on. Once in the safety of the room, she broke down. All the emotions she’d tampered down to get through the testimony, rushed out. She’d shed tears during her testimony, but now she was free to sob openly.

“You did great,” the therapist cooed, soothing the young woman. She tightened her hug, “that’s good, just let it all out.”

A knock at the door came, as Natsu and Levy were allowed inside. Natsu immediately went to his girlfriend and took over for the therapist. “Shh,” he spoke softly and smoothed his hand against her hair. “You did amazing babe!”

“Lu, you did great up there! We’re really proud of you!”

“Thanks, guys,” Lucy sniffled into Natsu’s chest. She was proud of getting through it without having a break down, but the nagging knowledge of this wasn’t over yet, still loomed large. The defense was surely going to recall her at some stage, and even if the attorney didn’t, the prosecutor could, plus just the waiting sucked! “Can we please go home? I-I just wanna go home.”

[h2omyeon]

You Were Beautiful (KJM x reader)

Summary: You had been in love with your classmate Kim Junmyeon for the last year and a half. You finally find the guts to tell him the truth about how you feel, but at the wrong time. (PS: Chanyeol makes a cameo in this story and Junmyeon is an Art History major!)

Pairing: Junmyeon x Female Reader

Tags: College Student Junmyeon, Art Hoe Junmyeon, bittersweet stuff

Warnings: Mentions of suicide towards the end of the story (not in this chapter)

Word Count (in total): 8.5k

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is my first ever story I wrote and published on here. Feel free to leave comments and I will try to publish each chapter weekly! This story is based off of a combination of dreams that I had which included people who weren’t Junmyeon and Junmyeon himself during the beginning of this whole COVID pandemic (AKA: when things began to fall apart). Like the world that I was living in at that time, this story/dream is just as (I hope to believe) chaotic. I also apologize if there are a ton of plot holes in the story because it was based on a dream and I could not think of any filler parts. Enjoy!- PS

PPS: This is the second to last part of the story and yes, I have written the entire thing already! Because of some personal stuff that I have related to work, I will not be publishing the last chapter until August 16th. I hope you all have enjoyed the work up to this point!

Read the previous parts here: Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 

Chapter 3: Natural Delivery

Your alarm rang; it was D-day. You couldn’t believe you kissed him, the man of your dreams. You smiled even thinking about, but then a rush of sadness hit you because he was going to leave you all from today. It was 6:30 in the morning when you woke up and you could hear Junmyeon and his family starting to pack the stuff in the car and talk to one another in Korean. 

Before leaving for the airport at 7 that morning, your sisters had groggily said goodbye to Junmyeon and he had given them $40 each to spend. He thanked your mother for being so kind and helpful; you and your father were in the car watching him say goodbye. You had a letter in your hand you wrote to Junmyeon before last night, explaining everything you had felt for him and gave him some pictures you two had taken at various photo booths throughout the city. 

The ride was occasionally silent, except for when your father and the older Kim’s would engage in conversations about politics and asked Junmyeon about his flight details. Mr Kim played some music; “Me Gustas Tu” by GFriend blasted through the car speakers and you all (except your father, who didn’t know the song to begin with) began to sing along while you and Junmyeon did the chorus dance hand movements. It was ironic that on the day the person you liked was leaving, this was the song playing. 

“Did you know our nephew was an SM trainee?” Mrs Kim asked you and your father. You both shook your heads. That explained why he was so good at dancing. 

“Aunty, it was for a month,” he replied in Korean, then said: “Yeah, all I did was not get sleep and train all day for something I didn’t know if I actually wanted to do.” 

You all chuckled then went silent, while watching the traffic. You sang along to the rest of the song alone, while Junmyeon looked out the window and then looked at you while you were singing. 

“Y/N, you sing so good!” Mr Kim stated. 

“No, I just like this song a lot, Mr Kim,” you gushed. Junmyeon smiled at you; you smiled back. Junmyeon was definitely a better singer and knowing that he was an SM trainee confirmed the reason why he was so good. 

“Your pronunciation isn’t that bad, Y/N. You kinda sounded like Yuju when you sang at that moment,” Junmyeon said. You didn’t know the members' names, but you were honored. 

After a few more songs and more stories from the Kims and your father, you had finally reached JFK airport. You helped Mrs Kim and your father take out the bigger luggages onto the trolley cart; Mr Kim hugged his nephew for one last time and told him he loved him and how much he was going to miss him. You watched Mr Kim sadly walk into his car and think briefly, knowing his nephew will have to go through the difficult training he went through himself, before entering the airport. While at the airport, you all decided to grab some breakfast. 

Your father and Junmyeon fought on who would pay for breakfast; Junmyeon gave in and your father had paid for the quick breakfasts you all ate from the Dunkin stand. 

“I’ll miss Dunkin Donuts,” he admitted as you all walked to the baggage check in stand. 

“There aren’t any in Korea?” Your father asked. 

“No,” Mrs. Kim and Junmyeon replied at the same time. 

“There are Starbucks,” he disclosed. “They’re way better in Korea though.” You rolled your eyes, remembering the debate you two once had over this topic. 

Once you reached the baggage check in, you all were no longer allowed to go with him past that. Junmyeon checked in his big bags and was given his boarding pass; the flight was at 10:30 and it was 8:00. Before walking into security, Junmyeon said his goodbyes to Mrs. Kim in Korean, thanking her for all she had done these three years. Then, he went to you. 

“I will miss you a lot, probably the most out of everyone here. I said all my thank yous and I love yous last night, but I really love you and always have, I really do. Thank you for everything and I really hope to see you again. Think of me,” he said with a smile. You hugged him tightly; he was so comforting and from today, you would no longer feel that warmth. You were going to miss him deeply. Tears formed in his eyes and you all were about to cry. 

“Stay safe, serve well and don’t forget to call and text us when you get there, Junmyeon.” Mrs Kim said. He walked to your father while you sipped your iced coffee and silently cried. 

They both looked at one another in silence. You knew your father loved Junmyeon like his own son; they had an immediate bond. “Hey, buddy, I know we didn’t talk a lot, but I saw you make my daughter the happiest she had been in a long time. I haven't seen her smile and laugh with anyone for a while and I’m happy it was with you,” your father said. “Good luck with your service and if you ever need any help, you know where to call,” he addressed with a smile. He gave Junmyeon a big hug and they embraced briefly. 

“Thank you for accepting me into your home whenever I needed help. I felt protected and welcomed by you all. And I will definitely call whenever I need your help,” Junmyeon replied to your father.

“That’s what fathers do, right?” he replied with a fatherly chuckle. You all laughed. They hugged again and he walked up to you. 

“Stay safe, okay?” you said, holding his hand while thinking about last night. He assured you that he would stay safe and that he would call you as soon as he got to Korea. Both of your smiles disappeared from your faces when you let his hand go. You all looked at one another in silence. 

“Hey, let’s take a picture,” you suggested. The rest of the clan agreed; you asked a young French woman to take the pictures on your dad’s cell phone. After a few pictures, Junmyeon hugged you all for one last time and walked towards security. You put his letter in your pocket and walked out of the airport alongside your father and Mrs Kim once he turned into a tiny figure in the entrance towards security. 

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The ride home was overcast with sadness and silence; you cried most of the way home. You felt like you were Elio Perlman in Call Me By Your Name after Oliver had left; your father held your hand the whole way home while he looked out the window in silence. Mrs Kim tried to console you from her passenger seat as best as she could. 

“That boy was like glue,” Mrs Kim said. “He brought two families together without realizing it. Thank you to the both of you and your other family members for making our nephew Junmyeon feel welcome, I really mean it. He talked about you all as passionately as he did about those art pieces he studied in school,” she continued. 

“He was a special kid who made my daughter the happiest-” your father admitted. You had fallen asleep by then, while the elders continued to have a conversation about Junmyeon and based on Mr. Kim’s experiences, how his life will change after the military. 

You were asleep for 30 minutes when you were awakened by a buzz coming from your pocket. It was a text message that had come from Junmyeon, but just as you were about to read it, your phone battery had run out. 

“Junmyeon said he is on the plane and that he will miss us all.” Mrs Kim said; she was talking about the text she had received. You accepted that he would be gone for a long time and that you needed to live your life the same way you would if Junmyeon were there. 

To pass time before you went home to live your life post-Junmyeon, you began to sing some songs in your head and one of the songs that popped up was “For Life” by EXO. You thought about the lines: “Never gonna let you go, giving you my heart and soul.” You initially heard the song in 2016, during a New Year’s Eve party your cousin Tiffany had invited you to and imagined some random celebrity as the love of your life you would pour your heart and soul for. Little did you think at that time you would ever find yourself giving up your heart and soul for someone in real life until you met him.

Another hour of traffic ensued and you fell asleep again, this time your father fell asleep as well. You could faintly hear Mrs Kim was talking to her sister in law (Junmyeon’s mother), wishing her a happy birthday, with Mr. Kim saying happy birthday as well before falling back asleep again. 

By the time you woke up, Mr. Kim reached the neighborhood parking lot and after scurrying around the lot to find a spot, he parked his car next to your father’s. Just as you were all about to leave, your father’s cellphone began to ring; it was Angela. She never called your father unless it was an extreme emergency. Angela worked at the airport as a cashier at a duty free perfume shop on the weekends. 

“Hello? Angela, what’s wrong?” Your father asked. 

“Mr. Y/L/N, I tried calling Y/N’s phone, but she isn’t picking up and neither is Junmyeon.” you heard Angela explain through the phone. 

Did he miss the flight? You thought. Your brain spiraled into a frenzy and thought of every possible situation. He spoke English very well, so he was able to understand the announcements and by now he should have flown out of New York; it was 11:00 AM and his flight left at 10:30, a half hour before. You all had left the airport at 8:30. You couldn’t hear the rest, but based on your father’s face, it was not good news. 

“What happened?” Mr Kim asked your father. “Is everything okay? That Angela girl is crazy, but she would never call unless something bad really happens.”

“There’s been an accident.” 

“An accident?” you asked. 

Your father took a deep breath. “Angela called me to say that a plane crashed outside of JFK fifteen minutes after it went off the runway. The flight left earlier than it should have and everything was deemed as fine, but somewhere along the way, the plane’s engine started to act up and despite doing an emergency landing, the plane crashed and caught fire.” he explained  

“It landed in some construction site and based on the severity of the damage and what she heard through word of mouth, it seems like no one survived the crash. She doesn’t know what flight it was yet, but she will call me and let me know.” 

“Oh my god!” Mrs Kim exclaimed. “Let me call Junmyeon. Oh, I hope he is okay!” She tried calling him multiple times; it went to voicemail each time. 

There was no report of bad weather today, you thought. But it did rain last night, so it might have been partially because of the weather. You felt like you were living a fever dream; you were on cloud nine twelve hours ago and now you felt the end of the world nearby. 

“Honey, he already left. You can’t call him.” Mr Kim explained to his wife in Korean. Mrs Kim’s face turned pale in worry that her beloved nephew was dead the moment he was supposed to leave; Mr Kim was consoling her on the quick walk home. They both began to call everyone they knew, including your mother. You and your father were both too stunned to say anything.  

Your mother and sisters had reached the Kim residence after hearing the news from Mrs Kim, and your father went to go use the bathroom. Your mother, and the Kims talked to one another frantically. 

“What happened?” your youngest sister Molly had asked, sitting on the same bench where you and Junmyeon had confessed your love for one another less than 24 hours before. 

“A plane crashed and we don’t know if it might have been Junmyeon’s flight,” you explained. 

“Bro,” Natasha exclaimed. “You really believe Angela?” 

“Angela may be strange at times, but she is not a liar,” you snapped. “This is serious, Natasha!” 

They were just as stunned and by then your father had come back from the bathroom. You all prayed in silence that Junmyeon was okay and it wasn’t his flight that had gone through that tragedy. 

A few moments later, the phone rang as soon as your father reached the house and you all sat on the porch in worry. It was Angela. You picked up the phone immediately, while everyone watched you in worry. 

“Hello?” you uttered. She indicated that based on the information provided to her fellow employees and supervisors, the plane that had exploded was going to an Asian country, although which country and airline it was, she did not know yet. She also said that there were survivors, but did not know how many there were. After a minute’s silence, she got back on the phone and told you the flight number of the plane that had crashed. 

“There is good news and bad news: There are about twenty survivors out of the 178 people on the airplane. They have, unfortunately, not found any more survivors and yes they are still looking. They are being taken to nearby hospitals  as we speak and for now, all other flights have been delayed.”

Angela took a deep breath before she shared the news of the flight. She was a journalism major, so it was natural for her to deliver news, good or bad; despite her natural strangeness, she was able to successfully deliver bad news without crying and good news with a panned face. However, her voice changed, which meant it was definitely serious. 

“It was Junmyeon’s flight to Seoul that crashed onto the construction site.”

Part 5 (and final part)

[bnhaimaginesandocs]

OK!! So I’ve been getting a lot of requests about my OCs and I decided I was gonna go ahead and start sharing them!! This is my Main OC, Ruby Sorin!! I also gave her some headcanons about her family and herself below and I hope you guys like her!!! Also here you go @just-maria

Also If you like them please let me know!!! It’s gonna be a long post ya’ll so General Headcanons are under the cut!!

TW: Mentions of Parental death briefly.

FAMILY HEADCANONS

Ruby is actually not from Japan; She is from Romania. But her father, who is one of the top support engineers in the country was offered his dream position to work with Tea Idaten as their main support engineer and he took it. Moving his youngest children with him at around the end of their middle school year (so about 14/15) and encouraged them to enroll in UA.

Their mother, Alessia Castillo-Sorin, passed away when Ruby and her triplets were around 8. She passed from ovarian cancer.

Before she passed, she was a retired side kick from one of the top hero agencies in Romania; her hero name was Shimmer.

Her father, Marcus Sorin, is Quirkless; As is her Three eldest brothers; Dimitri, Jullian and Luciano. 

She has 7 brothers. Only five of them are biological, her brothers Henric and Alfonso are adopted.

She’s the only girl in her family.

Her family is extremely tight knit and they all try to keep in contact with one another at least once a day. They have a family group chat. It gets a little difficult with the time zone differences but they make it work.

Most of her older brothers live in Romania still; some are scattered across Europe. Her second oldest brother; Luciano is a tattoo artist in Barcelona. The oldest twins; Dimitri and Jullian, are detectives in Bucharest who work along Henric and Alfonso’s hero agency.

Ruby is 1/3 of the Sorin Triplets. Her other Triplets are Lance and Leon; Leon is in Class 1-B and Lance is in the support course. The three of them are triple trouble and are extremely close with one another.

Her brothers visit Japan as often as possible to see their youngest siblings. There was at one point in time when they all showed up to the dorms to surprise the triplets. Their tears could have rivaled Izuku’s.

She grew up in a Pagan household!! She can read tarot cards insanely well and it’s something that’s helped her come up with her hero name. 

Out of all the older siblings; Ruby is closest to Luciano and Dimitri.

QUIRK HEADCANONS

Her Quirk is called Shine!! It was her mother’s quirk and she was so happy when she got it. Basically with Shine she can manipulate the light particles around her’s and other’s body! (so long as she is touching them; like holding onto their hand and it has to be skin on skin or it won’t work with another person.) due to this; Ruby’s skin seems to always have a luminescent glow around her skin that she can amp up or tone down. Her brothers like to call her a walking flashlight. 

With her quirk she can move faster than the average person, traveling at short, instantaneous bursts. She can only do this around 10-12 times. And it can only be to a predetermined location. It has been theorized by her and others that she could travel at the speed of light but she refuses to entertain the idea as it could rip apart every atom in her body.

She can also shoot light in concentrated beams from any point in her body. Mainly her hands and feet. She calls it her Lumi-Shoot. 

Her hero name is The Scarlet Witch; mainly because when she uses her lumi shot, it looks almost scarlet in color. Also because of her hair.

Due to her quirk’s main thing of being blinding enemies doesn’t mean Ruby is immune to the effects of the brightness; She actually has to have custom contacts made to help protect her eyes along with her contacts.

Out of all of her brothers; she was the only one to fully inherit her mothers’ quirk. Her brother Lance can only illuminate his hands which is useful for working support; Her brother Leon however inherited their maternal grandmother’s quirk which is manipulating water.

She considered using her mom’s hero name but decided against it. Opting to make her own.

GENERAL HEADCANONS

Ruby’s birthday is May 25th, making her and her brothers Gemini.

She Placed in the top 30 of her entrance exam. 

Her hair is extremely curly and unruly; she has a lot of trouble taming it and it sometimes looks like a “lion’s mane” as her brothers call it.

She is Bisexual and not scared to admit it. Her first crush when she came to UA was Uraraka; she literally couldn’t speak to her with out blushing and it was adorable. Her brothers didn’t let her live it down for a month.

She’s a naturally sweet and very warm person; the kind that you look at and think “oh they can’t possibly have a mean bone in their body” but actually Ruby is extremely sassy and sarcastic; she just tends to keep it to herself and her close friends more often than not. She finds it hilarious when people realize she isn’t as innocent as she seems. 

Also growing up with 7 brothers she learned how to stand up for herself pretty early on so she doesn’t take shit from anyone.

Her favorite colors are Green, Red and Blue. Specifically Emerald, Wine Red and Cobalt Blue.

Her nicknames from her family are Little Lion and Sunshine.

She has a little black cat named Salem and she loves him more than life itself. He moves into the dorms with her and becomes something of Class 1-A’s Mascot along with Koda’s bunny. 

She has Anxiety, Depression and PTSD (the last one mainly from the training camp incident where she was seriously injured); she’s on medication for anxiety and depression but meets with a counselor every other week for therapy.

She reads tarot cards on the side to make some pocket money, but she always gives them for free to her classmates. 

She’s Hellenistic Pagan specifically; a fact she somewhat keeps to herself, but will gladly discuss her religion with anyone if they broach the subject first. Her deities are Aphrodite, Persephone and Hades. She’s even let some people in the class see the altar she has set up in her room when they move into the dorms.

Her favorite teachers are Midnight, Eraserhead and Present Mic in that order. She loves Midnights confidence and fun loving attitude. With Mic it’s because he always makes an effort to help her. And with Eraserhead; it’s because he’s saved her life and also because she can tell he cares deeply for his students.

She’s typically with her brother’s most lunch periods in the support room since Lance is a workaholic and doesn’t know when to stop and take a break. 

Ruby actually gets along pretty well with the Bakusquad and the Dekusquad. Although she’s seen hanging out with the Bakusquad more often than not since she’s super close with Mina.

Her and Mina get along like a house on fire. And when those two are together they’re bound to get in trouble. She also gets along well with Aoyama, finding him to be smarter and more insightful than people really give him credit for. 

She has a small crush on Shinsou

And on Kaminari.

She’s having a dilemma someone help her. 

She and Kaminari also get along super well and she finds him to be hilarious. He also has the same taste in books as her. 

She finds Bakugou more funny than anything else and just laughs at him when he threatens to blow her up. She’s spent years dealing with Jullian, Bakugou is nothing.

She also likes Tokoyami a lot; she finds him to be intriguing.

She has a box full of Polaroid pictures that she took when everyone moved into the dorms and she typically takes a lot of them still. She also owns a record player with a crap ton of records she got from her mom and dad.

She loves vintage things and punk things so her wardrobe can go from cottage core to punk/emo there is no in between.

Her room is very cozy and always smelling of whatever incense she burned that day; most of the time it’s peach and sage. She also has a ton of fairy lights hanging around the room and it’s always just very soothing. She also has a lot of candles. Like a lot. She has a problem.

She smells like pomegranate a lot of the time due to her body spray and sometime really warm like sunlight. 

She’s scary good at Hero History and Hero Law. But she sucks absolute ass at Math.

I’ll add more to her soon!

PEOPLE I SHIP HER WITH

I typically ship her with Denki or Shinsou; Sometimes even as a poly ship.

But i’m open to shipping her with just about everyone.

But Mainly Denki and Shinsou. Because I just think they would be adorable together you know? Purple Emo Boy dating not one bu two Balls of Sunshine? Yes please. Sign me UP!

[darkdevasofdestruction]

White Lies : France/2P!France - Francis/Francois Bonnefoy

((I had this plot in mind with the idea of creating 2 alternate endings, one in which you end up with Francis, and in the other, with Francois~. ))

Life was never easy, especially when you move in a new country all of a sudden due to job opportunities...But I can't really complain now, can I? After all, I'm doing what I've been dreaming, which is being a Vet. Saving animals has always been my career-dream and now that I've achieved it, I only have 2 more. To travel the world and have fun...And to find my significant other.

Walking down the Champs-Elysee, passing idly the passing markets, I listen to music and look up at the evening sky, painted with various gorgeous shades of orange, pink and purple, feeling at ease. My walk from work to home isn't too long, just about 30 minutes on foot, which makes me able to relax and enjoy the tranquil atmosphere of this enchanting country.

This walk...Made me feel nostalgic for years ago when I first came here with a University program, 7 years ago, to spend the whole Summer holiday working for an animal shelter and learning the language, which was probably the easiest way that I could manage to work abroad with no problem, get easy money and have some expenses paid by the University.

My new Summer home in Paris is a little but very chic apartment, in a neighbourhood full of flowers everywhere, very close to the center of the city, so the whole first day was filled with unpacking and arranging everything in its right place, making me exhausted and to sleep immediately.

The next day, however, I woke up energised and ready to explore the city and start a new Parisian lifestyle, which will be a bit weird to adapt to, but nothing impossible. Leaving for the first time without my parents is going to be a real challenge, but if my dreams are going to come true this way, it's gonna be worth it~.

I go first to a little cafe next to my block and get a warm hot chocolate, a croissant and bread with butter & jam, a really nice breakfast and now I'm ready to explore!

I went to see the easiest route from home to work, which was almost a straight line, thankfully, and from home to the center there were a few turns, but nothing too difficult to remember. A smile was plastered on my face the whole time as I walked up and down each and every street and alley, got a very good ice cream and some pastries from the boulangerie, took tons of pics and selfies everywhere and tried to make the best out of this whole experience.

I am only 20 years old, I have the whole life ahead of me and there's nothing stopping me, not even the night!

Okay, never mind, scratch that, maybe it will defeat me, a tiny bit, because I kinda got lost in the center, my phone is dead and I have no idea how to get home...Great! What a new adventure!

Thankfully, I spotted a small, vintage, very coquette and intimate cafe so I shrugged and went inside, thanking every deity that it's empty and my shyness won't get the best of me, and I looked around, admiring the tons of sweets on display, feeling my mouth watering.

I was snapped back to reality by a friendly baritone voice, which made me squeak in surprise and turn around with wide fawn eyes. The man in front of me, who I could only guess either worked here or was the owner, was pretty tall, with long blond hair and his sapphire blue eyes held a very comforting and calming warmth.

"Bonsoir, ma belle mademoiselle. Que fais-tu seul a cette heure?"

the man asked, concerned.

"Uhmm...I got lost...Oh, wait, wrong language...Uhmm. Je suis...Perdu? Je me suis perdu? Mon francais est...Tres...Terrible, je suis tres desole!"

I stammered, trying to remember all the words I've been learning for the past 8 years in school and highschool...

But it failed.

"That was tres adorable, mademoiselle! Don't worry, I know English as well, but I appreciate you trying your best to speak my language."

he laughed warmly.

"M-Merci...So, uhm...I just moved here and it's kinda my first time abroad, all alone, nonetheless and I explored the city all day long. I got distracted by the pretty lights so much that I didn't realise my phone's battery died while taking pictures and now I can't seem to remember the way home. I know, it's very silly."

I explained, scratching the back of my neck sheepishly and embarrassed.

"What an adventure indeed, dear. And how did you find your way here? Not all that many people come by."

he guided me to a table next to the glass wall so I could see the lights better.

"I was looking for a familiar street, when I saw your cafe here with lights still on. I'm...I'm pretty shy, so when I saw that nobody else was there, I thought I'd drop by and get something to eat. When I saw how incredible everything here looked...Well, I kinda lost my thinking."

I chuckled, making the man laugh gleefully.

"Que magnique! May I recommend you my favourite?"

he asked, getting up, a spark of excitement in his eyes.

"Yes, please! You did all of them? Alone?"

I asked, shocked.

"Mais, biensur~! Excuses-moi un moment, I will come right up!"

he went in another room for a bit, making me look down at my hands, grasping them together anxiously, then looked outside, admiring the beautiful lights from the Eiffle Tower, before the door opened once again, revealing the Frenchman with a white plate painted with pink flowers full of different cakes and other little sweets which made my jaw drop in shock.

"H-Hey, isn't that too much? I-I mean - !"

I stuttered, feeling my face heat up with a powerful blush, which only made him laugh.

"Nonsense! It's not every day a beautiful young lady comes into my humble cafe, especially not one from another country. It's from the house, so don't worry."

he winked, making me hide my blushing face with my hands.

"You're too kind with me, and I didn't even have the manners to ask for your name...I'm Y/N, it's really nice to meet you."

I managed to say after some time, trying to calm down my blush.

"Francis. Francis Bonnefoy, at your service, my dear."

he nodded, sitting down in front of me, putting a white rose in the vase.

"Francis...What a beautiful name."

I smiled softly.

"You can't let me eat everything by myself, okay? I accept no refuses!"

I said in a firm voice, making him chuckle.

"Very well, very well, a lady's wish is my command." 

he obliged, getting another little fork for himself.

We chatted about my new job, about life here, about literally everything and anything that came into our minds, all that for about two more hours before we realised it was very late and he escorted me home with ease, because thankfully, I was smart enough to write my address on a slip of paper and put it in my wallet before I left my new home and from then on, since we exchanged phone numbers, we'd meet up as frequent as possible.

These 3 months of Summer have been the most beautiful I have ever experienced and it's all thanks to Francis and his never-ending kindness. The best part of it is that he surprised me with a trip to Disneyland just before I was to leave for home and I kid you not, I never cried of happiness so much in my life.

We took an infinite amount of pics of literally everything and went to all the rides there, making it a truly day to remember. I was so depressed that I had to leave, but he promised we'll stay in contact until I am able to come again next, which thankfully, I managed to make it every Summer, for the whole 6 years of Vet Medicine.

He was even there for my graduation, which I never expected, but yet again, made me cry in happiness.

Since by now I could speak French fluently and I've already worked there before for many months, I managed to score a job at one of the best Animal Hospitals in Paris, which made me and Francis become even better best friends.

Very often, we'd even sleep at each other, watching movies together, eating dinner and honestly, I'm so happy I got to meet someone as amazing as him.

Now I'm 27 and things haven't changed between I and Francis one bit, except for the fact that he told me that he's a country, France, of course, and all that came along with it, such as other countries, the 2P's, responsibilities and so on, which of course, were a bit confusing, but nothing I couldn't handle and give my eternal support for.

That is, until our first fight.

It wasn't really a fight, more like him telling me something concerning another World Meeting and me getting overly worried about him, so much that we argued about what he should do, without realising that he's been doing this for hundreds of years and he clearly knew what had to be done.

I never really argue with anyone, but when I do, I feel incredibly dark and sarcastic, so I stopped talking and took a deep breath before saying anything else.

"Look, Francis, I love you a lot, okay? You know this very well. I will go take a walk to calm down before I say something I will regret later that I don't even mean, anyways. I just...I want you safe, okay? Don't forget that." I muttered before leaving his home to walk around the park nearby.

Unfortunately, that walk wasn't a long one for before I realised, a hand covered my mouth so I wouldn't scream. I was threatened with knives and guns by some men dressed in black looking extremely threatening.

"We have seen you with the man who calls himself 'Francis Bonnefoy'. We want to know everything you know about him." the one in front of me asked in a raspy voice. "Wh-What? What's with Francis? What do you have with him?" I tried to ramble, not knowing what to do. "Tell us everything you know and we won't hurt you." said the one holding me before tugging on my hair, making me yelp a bit at the sudden pain. "I-I don't really know what you want me to say! He's just a man who owns a little cafe and he's very sweet, what else is there to say? He's very sweet with me and always texts back very fast and-" before I could continue my rant, I felt myself getting above the ground, as the one in front of me started strangling me in the air. "Who do you think you're talking to, wench?! We are the Russian Mafia and that man has important information." he screamed in my face, as I tried to breathe. "I...Don't know anything weird about him...Believe me..." I managed to choke out, before another voice rung out. "She speaks the truth. I never told her anything that might endanger her." were the words spoken that made the assailant drop me to the floor. "Francis...? What are you doing here?! Run! They want to hurt you!" I yelled at him, but he only shook his head and helped me back on my feet. "No, dear, I won't run. They have been targeting me for a while. I tried to make sure you were safe, but I didn't expect something like this. I'm sorry for putting you in danger and getting you harmed." he sighed, apologetic. "But...But Francis...I can't let you go with them...! They will hurt you...I couldn't possibly...I can't let you go..." my tears started welling up in my eyes as I threw my arms around his torso, afraid to let go of him. "Don't worry, ma belle fleur, I will return to you no matter what. I'm a country, remember? I can't die." he winked, trying to reassure me. "But you can feel pain! That's not okay no matter how you look at it!" I tried to protest, but he only pushed me towards his home lightly. "Don't worry, Raven. After all...All my life I've been in pain. A bit more won't change anything. Be careful while I'm gone, please." he said with a sad smile before he got taken away by those creepy men, as I screamed after him until my lungs gave out.

No...Screaming and crying won't solve anything, I have to do something about it, I can't just sit idly!

I ran back inside and to my surprise, Francis' phone was on the bed.

He knew something like this would happen...

Damn it.

Looking through his contacts, I see various country names and I stopped when I saw "England".  Despite everything, Francis always spoke very nicely of England and the rest of the countries so...Hopefully, this will work.

"Hello? Is this England?" I ask meekly and unsure of what to say. "This better not be some stupid prank of that frog or-" he replied in a very annoyed voice. "N-No, nothing of the sort! Mr. England, France has been kidnapped by the Russian Mafia and I don't know what to do to save him! Will you please help me out?!" my voice dripping with desperation. "So what? It happens sometimes." he answered in such a nonchalant voice that it cut off my words. "B-But...! H-He's my fiance! Please, Mr. England, I don't know what I should do! Those men were really terrible and I don't want France to get harmed!" I cried in the phone, but I only earned a sigh. "Listen, miss, I understand that you are concerned, but that fro-...France is a country, and this sometimes happens to all of us. It's not the first time for him and it won't be the last time either. I suggest you wait for him with some wine, some baguettes and he'll get over it." he tried to suggest, but by this time I was boiling with anger. "You...How can you be so ...So cruel...Francis only spoke nice words of all the countries and especially of you, England. I can understand now why he always felt so lonely there...Because all of you are nothing more than a bunch of selfish jerks! I hope you sleep well tonight knowing that a man who cares about you like a brother and would do anything in his power to save you is being tortured! Good bye." I said in an extremely passive-aggressive tone, not letting him protest, before I hung up.

That was frustrating...Stupid England...

Taking a deep breath, I look through his contacts again and see someone called "Francois" with the French flag emoji next to it. This must be his 2P... He spoke so nicely of him, saying how fragile and emotional he really is, despite his rough exterior...He's just like Francis...But with different ways of coping with pain.

I call him and wait anxiously for him to answer, and when he did, I was greeted with a gruff voice that intimidated be, but I had to stay strong for Francis.

"Oui?" he answered. "H-Hello, are you Francois? France?" I managed to breathe out, cursing my shyness. "I'm his 2P. Why do you have France's phone?" he asked annoyed. "Y-You're still France, even if you're his 2P, right? And...Francis got kidnapped by the Russian Mafia." I said, this time with more confidence. "And...? What do you want me to do?" he asked, once again, very bored. "What the HELL is with you, people?! One of your own is kidnapped and tortured for information and who care so little?! Why are you all so pathetic and cowardly that you won't even help someone who holds you in such high esteem?! What, afraid to get a nail broken?!" I scream at him, forgetting myself with anger. "And who are you that you care so much for a country that's gonna outlive you in the blink of an eye?" he groaned, most likely rolling his eyes. "I am his fiancee, damn it! I am at his home and he intentionally let his phone on the bed, in hopes that one of you, his FRIENDS, is going to help get him out of there!" I reply sternly...

But he hung up without another word.

What...The hell?!

I tried ringing 3 more times, but I got rejected.

Fucking fantastic...So much for reliable peop-...Countries.

The next one I call is Canada, but he was very far away with business and couldn't come to our aid any time soon.

I gripped the phone tight in my grasp, cursing, before I get startled by the door opening, making me squeal in fright and surprise, as a tall, blond man looking very much like Francis, but rather disheveled, entered.

"F-Francois...?" I asked, to make sure. "No, it's freaking Papa Noel, Joyeux Noel!" he rolled his eyes before plopping down on the couch. "U-Uhm...A-Are you here to help me save Francis...?" I inquired, unsure of what he was doing. "Depends on you, toots. What's in it for me?" he lit up a cigarette. "Uh...You saved your other self? You did a good deed? I don't know, doesn't it matter to you at all that he's in trouble?!" I looked at him shocked as he just shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time. So, what are you willing to do to save him?" he asked, getting up, closer to me. "We've been together for 7 years. Anything that's possible for me to do, I will do it, if it means he gets out of there unharmed." I said, looking determined. "Then...How about we fuck?" he muttered with a smirk. "Wh-What?! What the hell are you asking?!" I cringed, stepping back. "You said you'd do anything, right? Would you do this? I look almost just like him, in the dark, you wouldn't even realise the difference, so what's the problem? He won't have to know." he got very close to my face, whispering in my ear. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I screamed, slapping his face hard. "D-Don't EVER do that again! Not to me, or to anyone else! EVER!! I don't get why you came here if you weren't willing to save Francis, but if you just got here to mess with me, then kindly GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HERE!" I yelled, trying not to let the tears in my eyes fall, before I went to Francis' bedroom and locked the door, sliding down, hugging my knees and choking on sobs.

I tried to repeat to myself "Not again" again and again, until I got back to my senses and calmed my breathing and remembered that I must continue calling all the countries available.

China refused. Japan said "I will see what I can do" which is a very subtle denial. Italy cowarded. Spain has to take care of Romano. Prussia and Germany are dead drunk. The Nordics were busy with official meetings and businesses. The Baltics declined, the Balkans declined....The whole Europe declined...America declined...Asia declined... Everyone declined. But Russia's answer scared me the most.

"I'm sorry, dear, but I don't control the Mafia, so I can't do anything about it. And at the same time, I can't  harm my own people either. But I will tell you, they won't leave France any time soon, for sure." 

And...That was it. All countries declined helping one of their own and I was at the verge of despair. The only one who wanted to help was Francois...And with such terms...And what a scary approach... B-But...As long as it saves him...Does it even matter anymore...?

I slowly unlock the door, gathering courage to get out and swallow my pride, and to my surprise, Francois was still on the couch, smoking.

"You're still here." I mumbled, looking away. "Oui. And I heard everything. What are you gonna do, mignonette?" he asked, tilting his head a bit. "I...Uh...W-Well...I-If I do it...W-Will you promise he gets home safe?" looking anywhere but at him, I grip the phone tightly, trying to fight my anxiety. "Ohh~? So you will do it, after all? To save your amour, you'll let another taint you, touch you, corrupt you~?" he asked, tauntingly. "Oh, shut up, you jerk! I just want to save my fiance, while you're here like some mercenary, seeking favours!" I bite my lip, trying not to outright scream at him again. "Tsk, tsk, I'm just doing what's best for me. You can't blame me, we're all selfish." he shrugged, getting up. "No...Not all of us...Francis isn't. Francis would have tried his best to save any country. ANY. Country." I glared at him. "You've known him for 7 years, not for 700. I think I know him better than you do." he smirked, challenging me. "You may know him, France, the country, but I know Francis, the heart inside him. I know the real him. You just know the facade he's putting. Now stop arguing with me and let's go save him already!" I stomped on the ground frustrated, only making him chuckle. "Do you even know where we have to go?" he asked, lighting up another cigarette. "Of course not, who do you take me for? Nostradamus? All I know is that Russia said he isn't in control of his people and that they didn't leave this place and are probably in some hideout here, in Paris." I told him, looking away, pondering. "You're lucky I know all the sketchy places around here..." he nodded, signing me to follow him to his car, a nice black Cadillac.

On the way to the first hideout, it was silent, with the exception of Francois puffing his cigarette from time to time.

"So, mignonette, how did someone like you meet someone like him." he asked, trying to make conversation. "You're saying it in a very weird way,  y'know? But...7 years ago I was able, for the first time, to leave the country. I came here, to Paris, to work at an Animal shelter for the whole Summer, sent with a University program. After unpacking everything, I started exploring the city, but soon I realised that my phone died, it was night, and I had no idea how to return home. I found Francis' cafe...And he was so sweet with me...We kept in touch all the time, even when I had to leave back home and we wouldn't see each other for the rest of the year...He has always been so kind and patient with me..." sighing, I look out of the window. "Huh...Tres drole." he muttered, throwing the cigarette butt out of the window. "What is funny?" I asked, rising a brow. "You." he snorted. "What? Why?"  I looked at him, confused and slightly shocked. "When did you first fuck?" he teased, looking at me. "Wh-What the hell, Francois! That's an intimate question and I refuse to answer!" I huff, looking away. "Oh, come on, I won't tell anyone. Is he any good? Do I need to teach him-" he continued, but I stopped him quickly. "Shut up!! We didn't, okay?! Now stop asking! I don't know if he's...G-Good or whatever the hell you want to know, so drop it!" I exclaimed, extremely embarrassed. "You mean to tell me you've been together 7 years and didn't fuck? No long and sensual "I missed you" fuck? No quick and rough "Don't leave me" fuck? No very kinky "This is better than porn" fuck?" he chuckled, seeing how flustered it made me. "Enough!! Th-That's enough! Stop it already! No, we did nothing of the sort, now please, DROP IT! I don't want to know or talk about it or anything similar!" I tell him firmly, hoping he'd stop already. "You're no fun...Come on, toots, you're an adult, these things are normal and fun, not tabboo, so chill. Maybe you really need a good fuck." he muttered, trying to make me calm down, but I only gripped my hands tighter and glued myself to the door, as farther away from him as possible. "You don't know everything, nor everyone, so don't speak for them." I answer barely above a whisper, which only earned me a sigh. "You're either only best friends, he sucks in bed...Or you've been really hurt in the past. So, which is it, mignonette?" he asked, solemnly. "...Who hurt you, Francois...?" I feel myself asking without realising. "Huh?" he breathes out, looking at me shocked, but before I could say anything else, he stopped the car abruptly, saying "We're here."

We get out of the car without another word and search the whole shelter from top to bottom, but find nothing but dust and blood.

"So...Not here. How many other places are there?" I asked, biting my lip. "Many. Too many. Are you sure they were Russian?" he asked again, looking at me. "Yes. They said so when they attacked me. And their accent was very thick as well...I could recognise a few words myself when they were whispering between themselves before Francis came." I nod, sure of my information. "Very well. That means there are only 2 more places to check. They are pretty far away from each other, but should work. Also, I need to get some fuel." he sighed, getting back to the car. "Okay. I pay. It's the least I can do..." I tell him, looking ahead at the new road. "I won't complain." he chuckled, lighting up the 100th cigarette.

We spent about half an hour in silence before I got the courage to ask him again...

"Who hurt you so much, Francois? You're constantly using this vices and facades to cover up that you're in pain..." I stammered, not really sure where I was getting at. "Shut the hell up." he ordered with the most deadpan expression so far. "I-I don't want to insult, offend or hurt you, Francois. I just want to understand you. You're not a bad person, I can sense that. You just have a different coping mechanism-" I continue, trying to let him know I'm not attacking him, but he got angrier. "I SAID, SHUT IT! What the hell is so difficult for your stupid brain to get?! STOP talking about it!" he yelled, gripping the stirring wheel and glaring ahead. "I'm sorry! Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you...I just...I just...Wanted to thank you for being literally the only person to want to save Francis and..." I scratch a bit at my arm, closing my eyes, hating the sudden change in tone. "I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it to fuck you!" he sneered, shifting his glare at me now. "That's fine...Doesn't matter, as long as he's safe...Any help is appreciated..." I whispered, hanging my head. "Oh, really? Then if a group of hobos offered to to save him, if they gangbanged you, would you do it? Or if some fetishist were to ensure he got out the next second, but he got you as his sex slave?" he shouted more and more, making me shed tears and choke on sobs. "I-I just want my Francis to come back to me unharmed...I don't want to see him in pain ever again...I just want him to be okay...He's been through so much and he still smiles...He's saved me all these years, and now I owe him at least this...I just...I just want him safe and sound..." I sob, biting my lip and gripping my arms, trying to stop myself from crying, but to no avail. "...Get out." Francois muttered barely audible. "Wh....What....?" my eyes widened as I managed to move my gaze to look at him. "Get the fuck out of my car. Now." he wasn't looking at me anymore, but outside, as he put a very sudden and brusque break, making me squeak in surprise at the impact. "B-But...Why? Didn't you promise you'd help me save him? You are his last hope, Francois, you can't abandon him like this! We're so close to-" I tried to argue, but I suddenly find myself with the barrel of a gun at my forehead. "Fuck if I care anymore. You're annoying, you piss me off with your lies. That's all that you are, a selfish liar! I don't believe a word you're saying! I don't know why I agreed to this bullshit, he'll get out of there anyways! You're not even hot enough to bother going through all this just to fuck you! Go find him on your own, now get the fuck out of my car!" he growled, cocking the gun.

He was looking at me with his dark purple eyes, right into my e/c ones, glistering with tears and betrayal...But deep inside his own eyes, shock, mixed with a glint of hurt and skepticism were swimming. "I may be a liar...But at least I'm not lying to myself and to my own heart about my feelings. Goodbye, Francois. Drive safe home." I sighed, looking at him with betrayal and resignation as I stepped out of the car and started walking ahead.

I didn't realise how cold it was before, but now...It's really not very nice. And the fact that it's so dark and scary isn't helping either. I turned on my phone's torch, trying to see where the hell I was, but all I could see were trees every where I looked.  At this point, I don't know if I should be scared that there's no passing car...Or if there WOULD be one.

I literally had no idea what to do, and Francois just went ahead with a terrible speed...Hope he won't have an accident or something. The pain in his eyes as he spoke to me...Those were the voice and look of a desperate man, wanting to take away the pain somehow. I can't blame him in any way...For I understand him more than I wish I did. If it wasn't for Francis... Well... I just think Francois should allow himself to feel happiness and not be afraid to grasp hope, no matter how thin that thread may be.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't realise the car that was coming from behind me until it was too late and the lights were already on me.  Next to me, a black Ford started very slowly driving next to me, as the driver pulled down his window and whistled me.

"Hey, babe, want a ride?" he asked in a slurred voice. "N-No thanks..." I mutter, trying to walk faster, but to no avail. "Aww, come on, sweet tits! Let me get ya home! I can't let a babe like you walking alone at night, can I?" he purred in that disgustingly drunk voice of his. "I'm very close to my boyfriend's home, so please, leave me alone." I tried to reason, clearly scared, but he only laughed. "There ain't no house in the next 5 kms, missy, so don't try to lie to me!" he said in a low voice as he stopped the car.

By this point, I started running as fast as I could, cursing myself for not doing anything to maintain my physical endurance because my lungs were burning and my legs were aching like all hell, and before I knew it, I was on the ground, the remaining air in my lungs knocked out from the weight on top of me.

I tried to struggle, but I could only jump back to my feet when the bastard rolled over to get a better grip on me, but I couldn't run... He held my arm so tight that I was afraid it might break, making me turn around to try and scratch him, but that only annoyed him and made him rip open my f/c shirt, exposing my almost naked top.

By this point, I kept screaming and struggling like a wild animal trapped in a cage, but he was much too strong for me to do anything. Memories of the past kept flooding my brain as he put his hand on my neck, while the other was roaming my body.

I thought that was the end of me, until I heard a very loud car accelerating in our direction, then two deafening gun shots...And then silence.

As soon as those shots were dealt and I could no longer feel that forsaken grip on me, I sprinted into the woods, not caring about anything else in this world, not hearing, nor seeing anything.

That is...Until again, someone took a hold of my wrist and spun me around in his arms, making me scream, beat and struggle whoever that was, way too scared to rationalise anything anymore.

"Mignonette! It's me, Francois! Calm down, damn it, I'm not gonna hurt you! I killed that fucktard, nobody will hurt you, chill already." he tried to calm me down, but all I could do, as all strength left my body and my legs were shaking, was to fall in his arms and sob in his chest almost falling to the ground, were it not for him.

It might have taken a good 5 to 10 minutes of sobbing before I managed to calm down enough to be able to speak coherently, while Francois tried his best to soothe and calm me down.

"How the hell do you always get in trouble, Mignonette?" he tried to joke light-hearted. "I don't know, but I'm so done with this! I hate this, I hate this, I hate this! Why is it always me?! What did I do so wrong in this world that I attract such...Such...Monsters?! Why does everyone want to hurt me like this?! Is this it, Francois?! Is this the pain you're feeling?! Because if it is, then FUCK IT, I don't want to feel anything anymore! Take out my heart, I don't need it! I don't want to hurt anymore! MAKE IT STOP ALREADY!! Why me?! Why again?! Why like this?! I just want to be happy for once, is that too much to fucking ask in this world?! IS IT?!" I screamed and cried and pulled at my hair in desperation, not caring about any self-esteem anymore and just letting all the raw emotions plaguing my heart, soul and brain out. "So I was right...You have been hurt before." he muttered to himself, almost as if he hated himself for being right. "Yes, fucking hell, yes, I have, damn it! Three fucking times! Each time, it hurt so bad, and in different ways! But the first one...Oh, the first one....I was barely 17, damn it...It was my first relationship...So why did he have to do such things to me?! I didn't know any better, I was naive, innocent and learning...I thought it was normal...And...And...And I stayed almost 2 years like that...And I didn't tell anyone what happened...I was scared, I didn't want to admit it, I was weak...And powerless...And I still am...Because no matter what I do, a drunk, horny man will always get his way because of his fucking physical strength! CURSE YOU! Monsters, all of them! Wretches! Burn in hell, all of you!" I confessed to everything that's happened in the past, not even sure why or how did I manage to finally say everything that was darkening my heart, but I did. "Je suis desole, Mignonette. I truly am. I shouldn't have let you alone in these places. It's my fault, I admit. I was pissed off that you said the truth and I couldn't stand it. I went to search the 2nd place, but there was nothing. That means Francis is definitely in the 3rd and last place." he stated, slowly helping me get up. "Hope so..." I mutter, feeling drained of all life and hope.

We walked back to the car, him holding me close to his chest, and as the car's light came in our sights, he realised my wardrobe malfunction and took off his shirt, handing it to me, as he remained shirtless, not even flinching at the cold, all the scars on his body now visible.

"Don't you hate it?" I muttered, looking away as I buttoned his shirt and rolled up the sleeves since it was way too big on me. "Hate what?" he asked, getting in the driver's seat. "Dunno... The World. People. Life. Yourself." I mention, shrugging. "I do. Why?" he furrowed his brows, not quite getting where I was going at. "And how do you cope with it?" I asked, still glaring in front of me. "Not very well, as you've seen so far. Drinking, Smoking, Whoring. Not very healthy." he explained, looking at me from the corner of his eye. "I hate alcohol. I couldn't get drunk, even if I wanted to. Makes me sick. Smoking makes me sick too...And...The other one...Even if I wanted to...I...I..." I trailed off, biting my lip in annoyance. "You hate yourself too much, but also, distrust everyone else around you, hm?" he tried to reason. "Sorta, yeah, I guess. I'm scared, I'm afraid, I'm anxious and ashamed...I just want to run away and hide somewhere nobody could ever find me even when I think of it. I start shaking and...And I can't. It leads to panic attacks. So I'd rather...Not. And I'm so tired of everyone telling me I'm broken or whatever just because I don't care about anything of the sort." I sighed, leaning my head on the door window. "Does he know?" Francois asked, but I only shook my head. "Last times I told someone...My boyfriends...Things got very bad. It's like a stupidly annoying Pavlovian instinct. I know things won't be bad if I tell him...But I'm also afraid." I mutter, looking out, and before he could say anything else, I ask him "We've arrived, right?" which earned me a solemn nod.

Getting out of the car, we went in silence to the shelter, this time smaller than the first one, and noticed light emanating from inside. Upon further inspection, Francois confirmed that Francis was inside, so he got out the rifle from his car and climbed a tree, easily taking out the 2 bulky men who kept Francis captive, allowing me to easily run inside and use the knife given to me to cut off the restraint that bound him to the chair.

I was so mirthful that Francis was okay and somehow, there was no scratch, bruise or wound on him, so I threw myself in his arms, hugging him as tight as I could, considering the event of this night. However, things weren't always easy to deal with, especially when it comes to the Mafia, but before anything could happen, I hear a rustle from the other room, which somehow, the other two omitted, allowing me to quickly snatch the pistol from one of the deceased's grasps and point it to the door, revealing a scared Mafia mobster.

"Hello, fuckass." I said venomously. "You don't even know how to use that and yet you dare threaten me?!" he shouted, ready to take his own gun, until the sound of me cocking mine echoed in the whole room. "Will you take the bet? What's faster...Me pulling the trigger, or you taking the gun and killing me? What say you? The brain or the heart, which would you prefer?" I asked, taunting him. "You little bitch...! Who do you think you are, opposing the Mafia?! Mr. Russia will wage war on this stupid country!" he shouted in anger, visibly shaken up. "Hahahaha...I've been called worse in a day, is that all you can do? How weak. No wonder the others didn't let you do anything to help them. Oh, and, by the way...Mr. Russia has no control over the Mafia, so he won't take any action against you...Or to help you. Trust me, I called him a few hours ago. So before talking...I'd rather check if all I knew were lies. Just a sound advice for the future...Which you'll never have, at this rate." I grinned mockingly at him, but just before I could say "Goodbye" and shoot him, a gentle hand grasped my shoulder, as the other went to the pistol, setting the trajectory away from the villain, who fell to his knees in fright. "Y-You're insane, woman..." he muttered, shocked. "Francois, what's the meaning of this?! What if he attacked us?! He messed with Francis, he messed with me, he messed with you! We can't let him escape!" I raised my voice at him, but he only shook his head. "You've been through enough today, and it's mostly my fault. Go stay with your paramour...I won't let your hands be bloodied. You don't deserve such a fate to haunt you for life." he explained, gingerly taking the gun away from me. "I have enough things to haunt me for more than this lifetime, one more, what could matter?" I tsked in annoyance, looking away. "It always matters. I hope you won't get to experience more misfortune." he muttered, pushing me towards Francis, as he took the enemy away, to kill him in the woods.

Taking a deep breath to calm my annoyance, I jump in Francis' arms once more, burying my face in his chest, just happy to have him safe and sound, back in my life. With tears in his eyes, he kissed the top of my head and thanked me over and over, but not for saving him necessarily, but for being here for him at all times. He never expected anyone to bother to save him, which I noticed myself, unfortunately.

I told him part of our story, clearly only the not-so-dark parts of it, and by the time I was about mid-story, Francois came back.

#####

 Francis/France Ending 

"Okay, love birds, are you done reuniting? We should get out of here before their little group of boy scouts return to give us more trouble." he rolled his eyes seeing us hugged and sappy. "Oui, mon ami, tu as raison. Ma cherie, let's go home. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that trouble just for me. I'm a country, I won't die, and yet you still came after me, despite the dangers." he said in a soft voice, clearly touched. "Silly...Country or not, you still feel pain, and that is the last thing I want you to feel. I love you so much, Francis, you don't even realise. You brought light into my life, into my heart...And I wanted to be able to save you, just like you saved me all these years we've known each other. Je t'aime trop, et tu es mon coeur. I will stay by your side until you get tired of me." I confessed, cupping his face and looking at him with endless love and admiration.

Poor Francis was left speechless, so much that he just started kissing me passionately, then hugging me tight to his chest, earning a groan of annoyance from his friend.

"Take that to the car, idiots! Hurry up!" he clapped to hurry us up back to the car, which we did, and now we were on our way back home, Francois driving us, as we stayed in the backseat, cuddled to each as if tomorrow was the last day alive.

Back home, we plopped down on the couch, finally able to breathe, knowing we were safe, but after about 5 minutes, Francois got up to leave...Which didn't happen, for I stopped him with a hug.

"Thank you for helping me save him. I owe you the world." I whispered, thanking him with a smile on my face. "Oh, shut up. You pissed me off enough for a day. Just go stay with him and leave me alone."  he groaned, trying to pry me off me. "There's no chance you're gonna get rid of us after today! There's no escape for ya!" I laughed, finally letting him go, before the door was slammed open, revealing a blond man with short hair, green eyes and abnormal eyebrows. "Ahem. I see that bloody frog is alright. Was that a prank or-" he asked, seemingly irritated. "You...Are you England?" I asked, my eyes wide. "Yes, of course, who else? Wait-...Was it you I spoke with on the pho-" but I didn't let him finish because I slapped him with all my might, before starting to shake him roughly. "YOU LITTLE SHIT! YOU DARE COME HERE NOW, HOURS AFTER I CALLED, WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WAS PRANKING YOU, IMMA KILL YOU, YOU-" but I was stopped by a hug from behind and a chuckle. "Ne t'inquiete pas, mon amour, it's just how Angleterre is, please forgive him." he shook his head with a chuckle, making me gasp. "But...! But! But Francis! It's not fair at all! You would give your life on a plate to save others, especially this tea-jerk, but he just calls you a frog! It's not okay!"  I pout, clearly upset at the his mean friend's behaviour. "It's better to forgive and forget than to stay with hate in your heart. It will only hurt you, not them." he said with a wink before kissing my forehead. "Fine, whatever...But you're still not off the hook! And you're still a jerk! And if you call Francis a 'Frog' again, I'll make sure to stash a hundred frogs down your throat!" I threaten him, which made him nod, awkwardly. "Uh...Yes, France, I'm glad you're find. I will take my leave now, farewell." he nodded again before leaving. "You see? He came here because he was worried, in his own way." he smiled softly, before guiding me back to the couch to calm me down. "Mon Dieu, you sure are loud, all of you...Bonne nuit. Don't call me again." Francois shrugged, exiting the room, leaving only me and Francis there.

We went to change in our PJs and cuddled in bed, both of us afraid to let the other go after such a night.

"I was so happy to see you that I forgot to even ask if you were okay, desole, ma fleur." Francis said, caressing my face. "I'm okay, don't worry about me, honey. Francois made sure nothing happened to me." I smiled softly, kissing his hand and leaning my face on his palm. "I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. How did you convince him to help you?" he asked, making me chuckle awkwardly. "It's...A long story, but it really wasn't easy to persuade him. But you were right about him, he's like you in many ways, despite hiding it. My shirt's buttons got ruined and I couldn't cover up and he instantly gave me his shirt. And he made sure nothing bad happened to me. Without him knowing where you could be, I wouldn't have been able to find you." I breathe softly, as if afraid he'll be taken away again. "I am grateful that I have such an angel in my life. Thank you for everything, my darling. Je t'aime trop...Je t'aime plus que tout au mond. And I can't wait until I marry you and I'll see you as the most beautiful bride in this world." he confessed, kissing me tenderly, making me giggle. "And I can't wait until I finally get to call you my beautiful husband and we'll be so happy...And Francois' face as the Man of Honour...It will be priceless!" I laughed sofly, making him grin. "It will be hilarious indeed." he snorted, hugging me tight to his chest, ready to sleep. "I love you so much, Francis...Never ever ever forget that. I will stay by your side for as long as you'll have me." I whisper, returning the embrace, drowning in his warmth. "An eternity by your side sounds like the best gift anyone could receive." he replied, closing his eyes, letting the dream world take over him.

#####

Francois/2P!France Ending

"Okay, toots, get your fiance outta here and let's get home before more of these fuckers get here." Francois tapped his food impatiently on the ground, ready to go. "Fian-..." Francis tried to ask, but I shushed him quickly. "I'll explain when we get home, now come on." I hurried him back to the car, where the other Frenchman drove us home, where we could finally breathe. "Thank you so much for saving me, dearest. You really shouldn't have put your life in danger. I'm immortal. They couldn't kill me no matter how much they'd tried." he tried to reason, but I only shook my head. "Francis, no offense, but I really don't care. Francois...I lied to you. Not much, only this part at the beginning, but I still did, so I really have to apologise from my whole heart for misleading you. Francis, I'm sorry to you too. I claimed to be your fiance and called everyone in your contact list in hopes that they'll help me save you. Francois was the only one who wanted to help."  I told them the truth with a sigh. "Why would you say that, cherie?" Francis asked, confused. "Come on, Francis, think a bit! What managed to get to people's hearts more? 'Please, help, my best friend has been kidnapped!' or 'Please, my fiance is in danger, help me save him!'? I was desperate, I had to do something, right? You're the only person who ever cared about me and you've always been so sweet and kind with me, I couldn't let you in harm's way, so I did anything I could to save you, even if it wasn't much. I really hope you don't hate me after this, but even if you do, I'm just happy you're safe now. I never lied when I said I loved you, but this is no romantic love, but one very pure and caring, like that of siblings." I smile at him softly. "I could never be upset with you, ma belle fleur, for I feel the same. I am forever grateful of what you did and I'm really sorry that you had to go through all this just for me. I owe you the world." Francis replied, hugging me. "No, you don't. You've already given me the world being being present in my life." I chuckled, holding him tightly. "So...Everything else you said was true or a lie?" Francois asked, raising his eyebrow. "I didn't lie to you with anything, except this little detail." I smiled at him, guilty. "Then what about at the beginning. When you accepted my terms." he furrowed his brows a bit. "I didn't lie. I said I'd do anything for Francis." I declared with a side-smile. "What do you-" Francis tried to ask, but Francois cut him off. "My flat is upstairs, I want to have a little chat with Mignonette here." he muttered before taking off. "Okay. Francis, I'll see you in a bit." I wave at him, smiling, before following Francois out of the room, into his flat.

It was darker and it smelled like cigarettes, but it was pretty nonetheless. I didn't take more than 5 steps inside and I felt myself get pinned to the wall, Francois holding both of my wrists above my head with one hand, while the other was on my neck.

"You say you'll do it, but look at you, you tremble like a leaf." he got close to my face, saying in a low voice. "I said I would, I promised, now stop doing this, please, and just get it over with." I managed to whisper, looking away from him. "Is this what he'd do too? Is this why you won't ever bother trying to get away?" he asked, in a softer voice than before. "Y-Yes...I told you I didn't lie about anything else, why keep bringing it up? And I said I'd keep my promise. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't fight you off, so why try...?" I bit my, trying to stop myself from getting my eyes welled up with tears once again. "And I promise you, it's not that bad. I know you've been through a lot before and feelings are more powerful than ration...And allowing yourself to feel vulnerable once in a while isn't always damaging." he confessed, caressing my cheek. "You shouldn't be one to talk, when you don't do it yourself. You don't let your guard then while at it, instead, you let all your hate, anger and frustration get out, but...You never let happiness and love in, do you? We're the same, we just do things differently." I explained, but he only tsked in annoyance and threw me on the bed, him towering over me again, his face very close to mine. "And what the hell would you know about it?!" he growled, glaring at me. "Nothing...But maybe...Maybe I'd like to find out." I mutter, intertwining my fingers with his. "I really don't know anything. I'm 27 and all I've been doing is hate the world and everything around me, including myself, for my own misfortune and choices. I was weak, I couldn't control anything around me, when it came to my love life, because everything else was in my grasp. I'm a smart girl, I won't deny that, and I'm also fairly lucky. But not in this department." I let out a shaky breath, slowly raising my gaze to meet his. "What the hell are you on about?!" he sneered at me, his deep, violet eyes filled with despair and hurt, which made me raise up a bit and kiss his lips as soft as I could, shocking him. "Maybe...Maybe I want to see if the world is better with the right people...Not THE World...Just...MY World." he was so shocked at the gentleness with which he was being treated, that a soft blush covered his cheeks. "What was that for...? Why would someone fragile like you, who should find someone kind and gentle like Francis, want to be me, who forgot how to smile and how to live?" he asked, with an expression that showed anger at himself. "Because, maybe, we both need help from someone who understands and goes through the same...Or well, at least similar pain, don't you think?" I inquired with a hopeful smile. "And what do you propose, then, Mignonette?" he muttered, getting closer to my face. "Hello, Francois, my name is Y/N. Would you want to get to know each other better?" I extended my hand for him to shake. "Bonjour, ma cherie, Y/N, je m'appelle Francois Bonnefoy, ca va?" instead of shaking my hand, he kissed it softly and said those words in a very suave and confident voice, that gorgeous and melodic accent resonating in my ears with each vowel and consonant. "Tres charmant, Francois. That was very nice..." I muttered, using my other hand to hide my blush, but he took it in his and kissed my wrist, and teasing smirk on his face. "Did you like that, dear? Do you want me to say more?" dropping his voice by an octave, he got so close to my face, that I could feel his breath. "Your accent...Is very...Ho-...Uh, nice. Yes, nice. Uh...French. Wait, no, ignore what I've been saying-" I ranted, looking anywhere but at him, flustered at what I was saying without realising, but instead of saying anything, Francois leaned in and kissed me tenderly, making me feel more flustered, but at the same time, calmer as well. "You were saying...?"  he asked, the ghost of a smile evident on his face. "Hot." I breathed out barely above a whisper, making him chuckle. "That's what I like to hear, ma cherie~." he confessed, taking out the hair from his ponytail and helping me lean on the bed post, as he put his arms around me, holding me to his chest and kissing the top of my head. "What do you think? Is this what Francis would do?" he asked, playing with my hair. "Is it what Francois would do?" I asked, looking up at him. "...If it's you, then it is." he muttered, resting his chin on my head. "Then we're doing very well." I answered with a smiled, cuddling closer to him, feeling at peace, after such a long time.

[purplesurveys]

882

What Rhymes With “AR”?

1. Have you ever been to a bazaar before? Yes, a bunch. Gabie loves checking out every bazaar going on wherever we are as she likes getting to know small local businesses, speaking with the owner/s, and possibly discovering something new, be it a hobby or just something new to start collecting. It’s one of my favorite things about her. 2. What is something bizarre that you are obsessed with? I’m not obsessed with the topic in that I idolize them, but I can spend hours reading on serial killers. I’m particularly fascinated in reading about their childhood (because it’s almost always tragic lol) and the victims. 3. Do you own an armoire? Yes. The upper two shelves are used for my clothes while the lowest shelf is for various knickknacks, like my wrestling action figures, the books I had to read in high school, my mock college entrance exams, etc. 4. Have you ever been to a reservoir before? Nope. 5. Do you know the difference between “are” and “our”? Yes. Though when I type too quickly, I’ll sometimes type in the wrong word.

6. What’s your favorite chocolate bar? Whittaker’s Peanut Butter chocolate bar.

7. Could you write your own memoir? I could, but I’ll have to wait for more notable things to happen in my life if I want my memoir to be super compelling. I’ve only been in school for the most part, and I doubt an audience would find that interesting enough. 8. What some skills in your repertoire? Anything that needs a journalism-related skill or requires organization, I’m your girl. I also like doing some public speaking. 9. Do you own a car? What kind? It’s not my own but my parents bought a car for me so I can take myself to and from school. I think I’ll be using it for work as well. It’s a hatchback Mitsubishi Mirage. 10. Did you live far from your parents, or close by? We live in the same house. I desire to move far away once I’ve earned enough but not because I want to avoid them; it’s just that I’ve lived all my life in this quiet suburban part of town and I’d love to experience the noisy city life. 11. Is it easy or difficult for you to open a jar? What’s your favorite food that comes in a jar? Difficult :( I usually ask either parent to open it, or Gabie if she’s with me at the moment. It’s not food, but mayonnaise. 12. What is the last thing you felt was marred? My Sunday was marred with sadness, I guess. Parents were in a fight all day and ignored each other, which translated to an extremely quick and curt breakfast and dinner. And I also found out that someone died of Covid in Gabie’s village, which means I wouldn’t be able to visit her this week as her village will most likely be put on another lockdown. 13. Can you get a par when playing golf? I’ve never even played real-life golf, so I doubt it. 14. Do you like the smell of tar? I don’t think I’ve smelled it before. 15. Would you ever want to be a czar? Why or why not? No. No need to go back to that chaotic part of the past. 16. Who do you admire from afar? Most of the friends I’ve drifted apart from, like Sofie, Chelsea, and Kaira. I highly doubt all of us in our high school group will ever be in the same room again because of issues between some of them that’ll probably never get resolved, so at this point I’m just glad to be happy for and proud of them from afar. 17. When’s the last time you accidentally left a door ajar in your house? My mom would absolutely kill us if any one of us did that. That said, the one and only person who’s ever done this was Gabie. It was around three years ago and I had fallen asleep in my room; she didn’t want to wake me, so when she left the house she accidentally left the front door open. It was pretty stupid, not gonna lie. 18. Have you or a family member ever charred the meat on the grill? Idk, my grandma probably has at one point. She’s the one who does the barbecuing. 19. Who’s the last person you gnarred at? I don’t do that to people, though I will sometimes play-growl at Cooper when we’re playing.

20. Tell us how you got one of your scars. We were at a family reunion and I was playing with my cousins when one of them hurled a tiny glass bottle at me, meant to target my eye. It barely missed and hit my eyebrow, which got a cut and immediately started bleeding profusely. I never saw that cousin again lol 21. Have you ever sparred with someone before? Nope, at least not physically. 22. Do you wish upon a star? Every now and then. 23. Have you ever smoked a cigar before? No. 24, Would you ever have boudoir photography taken of yourself? Why or why not? Those look sooooooo good. But it’s not for me. The camera and I have just never been friends and I feel like I’d look like an awkward stick if I gave it a try. 25. Do you know how to play the guitar? If not, would you like to learn? No, and not really. There are other instruments that interest me more. 26. Have you ever had caviar before? Did you like it? Yeah. It was alright, but I didn’t get obsessed. I certainly didn’t crave for it after. 27. What was the last meal you had that was subpar? Omelettes are my mom’s go-to breakfast meal, but sometimes she’ll add stuff in that just aren’t meant to mingle with eggs. 28. Have you ever had to use a crowbar before? I don’t think so. 29. Did you ever read the Boxcar Children series? Nope, they don’t ring a bell. 30. Do you have good lumbar support? Hahaha, definitely not. My lower back actually hurt like a mega bitch yesterday and I had to lie down on my back and stretch it in 87459835 different ways for most of the day. 31. Do you enjoy film noir? No. It’s one of my least favorite styles in film, actually. I never saw the appeal. 32. Do you like to go out to the bar? Yes. And I miss being able to. 33. Do you use bar soap or hand soap when washing? Hand soap. [a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[eldritchsurveys]

704.

1. Who is one person that you no longer hang out with? Why did that association end? >> There’s a lot of people I no longer hang out with and that’s simply because I no longer live in New York. 2. What was the last item you put into your pants pocket? >> My phone, probably. 3. Is it ever difficult for you to recall what you had to eat the day before? >> Yeah, except for the first meal because that’s usually the same every day. 4. ^How about for the past week? >> Definitely. 5. Who was the last person to endager your life, whether it was accidentally or intentionally? >> Probably Sigma. They had a nasty habit of being reckless, thoughtless, and thrill-seeking, not to mention being on drugs 95% of the time.

6. What was the last thing you started over on? >> The last thing I can remember starting over on was knitting, because I fucked up a stitch and couldn’t figure out how to fix it.

7. What was the last task that you completed? >> A survey. 8. Have you ever failed at something extremely important to you? If yes, what? >> Probably. 9. When was the last time that you wanted time to move faster? >> *shrug* 10. ^ Slower? >> I don’t know. 11. When was the last time you felt impatient with someone? >> I don’t remember. 12. Who was the last person that you called a “bitch”? >> Sparrow and I say “bitch” to each other all the time. At this point it’s like a vocal tic, lmao. 13. ^Who, if anyone, was the last person to address you by that term? >> See above. 14. When was the last time you questioned whether or not you were making the right decision? >> When I was watching High-Rise lmfaooooo what the fuck was that movie. That’s a joke, though. The last time I actually questioned whether or not I was making the right decision is probably while shopping earlier and trying to figure out what to buy. 15. Has a boy/girlfriend ever made you feel bad about yourself? >> Sure. 16. Has a boy-/girlfriend ever suggested that you might want to lose some weight, or that it might make you look better? >> No, because all the dating I did was back when I was skinny. 17. What is your idea of “too big” when it comes to weight? >> I don’t have an idea of it for other people because I, like, don’t really care. And my body dysmorphia / dysphoria thinks everything is too big on myself, so, you know. 18. ^How about “too thin”? >> For me, I guess if I can’t do shit because I’m so malnourished/weak. 19. How long do you spend looking for surveys that you wish to take? >> Not long. If I can’t find any in the #surveys tag and I don’t find any in a few minutes on bzoink, I give up and wait for another day. 20. What is the largest number of surveys you have taken in a day? >> Probably, like... a dozen. Long time ago, though. Nowadays 5 is probably my limit (maybe 6 or 7 if they’re all short and I’m especially in the mood). 21. Do you try to take surveys daily, or do you tend to skip a day here and there? >> I just take them whenever the mood strikes. Sometimes that’s multiple days in a row. 22. What is one of your biggest survey pet-peeves? >> Honestly, I’m not that peeved by anything, even the repetitive questions and the weird this-was-obviously-written-by-a-teenager questions like “do you think fat people are disgusting?” and the abundance of school/work, family, and best-friend questions that I can’t answer. It’s a flash-in-the-pan annoyance at best. 23. What percentage of the day would you say you spend worrying? >> I don’t think I spend any significant amount of the day worrying. 24. Have you ever experienced an overly clinging boy-/girlfriend? >> Yes. It turned out much the way you’d expect. 25. What is the most annoying thing your family members do on a daily basis, if anything? >> --- 26. With which family member do you get along with the least? The best? >> --- 27. ^ Why do you think that you don’t get along well with that family member? >> --- 28. Who is someone that you wish would be there for you more often? >> I dearly wish I was capable of feeling like people are there for me. It’s not an other-people problem nearly as much as it’s a me problem. 29. Have you ever felt like someone abandoned you? If yes, explain? >> Of course. One of the first things ever to happen to me was abandonment, lmao, it’s a trend. 30. How often do you find that you are bored? >> Not terribly often. I get restless a lot, though, but I don’t think that’s the same thing as boredom. Unless I’ve misinterpreted what boredom is, which is possible. 31. What activity has the best chance of holding your attention for a long period of time? >> A good book, or a video game sometimes. 32. If you make surveys, have you ever had anyone insult you, your questions, or your opinions? >> I mean, probably. People be like that. 33. As a survey-taker, do you tend to insult other survey-makers or survey-takers, even if it might be indirectly? >> I try not to insult the survey-maker, even if I’m ripping the question itself apart. And even then, I try to limit my derision to really ugly questions like the example I gave earlier, “do fat people disgust you?” and shit like that. Every once in a while I’ll run into those and it’s just like *pinches bridge of nose* FUCKING SIGH 34. Have you ever decided that you like / dislike someone based on their survey answers? >> I mean, sure. In my opinion, survey answers are a pretty solid way to learn about someone and whether you’d get along with them. I feel like most everyone whose surveys I encounter regularly in the #surveys tag (Lane, Robyn, Steph, etc) is a pretty chill person. Maybe it’s all the introspection from taking surveys, lmao. Good for the personality. 35. What is one color of car that you would never be caught dead driving? >> I mean, I can’t drive, so. 36. A bloodied, possibly wounded man is on the side of the road: do you stop to see if you can assist him, or do you drive past? >> I’m never the driver, so it’s not like it’d be up to me. I don’t 100% know what Sparrow would do, this is never a hypothetical we’ve discussed. I’d argue for stopping, at least to call 911. 37. ^ Would it make a difference if it was a woman with a small child in the same condition? >> It’s the same thing, bro. People are people. I don’t feel comfortable ranking human beings like this to determine who’s more worth my assistance... either I’m going to help someone or I’m not, but I’m definitely not going to put false value judgements on it like “oh it’s because it was a dude” like lmao nice try with the justification of wrongness, brain. If I’m going to be callous, I’m not gonna pretend otherwise.

[lunaarajewel]

Answering questions because I’m bored again

1. What have you eaten today? breakfast was oats with pb and banana, lunch was a zucchini stew, and then i had oats again for dinner because why not haha ><

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant? it was sweet, felt a bit bittersweet because i said bye until next time

3. What color shoes did you last wear? black

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week? Myself

5. What is your favorite scent? Baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why? Spring and or early summer, it's so nice to smell all the flowers and to hear the birds again, to feel the warmth from the sun

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel? I can do a headstand on my forearms and a bad cartwheel xD

8. What color are your nails? currently blank!

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? a moooon

10. What is something you find romantic? Hugs from behind when i least expect it

11. Are you happy? Yeah I'm doing really good, which is surprising because i haven't felt like that in a long time

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad? The thing that is making me happy is probably my antidepressants but they have helped me to get hope again.

13. Dogs or Cats? Cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library? Ooooo difficult question because it depends!

15. What is your style? Hmm i'd describe it as a mix of cottagecore, steampunk, astrology, herbalism, witchy stuff

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? Travel to japan

17. Are you in a relationship or single? I'm dating but not an official relationship nope

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now? Their humor, the way they are so relaxed and careless

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with? Whaat no i wouldn't do that

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? Some toxic behaviors/habits a bit!

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween? I listened to dark music a bit extra, watched nightmare before christmas and had some halloween candy

22. Have you recently made any big decisions? I started taking antidepressants!

23. Were you ever in a school play? Yes, when i was younger i was a princess i remember

24. What movie would you use to describe your life? aaa that's difficult, i haven't watched that many movies tbh!

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? Learning piano properly, but i've been busy with mental health stuff so i haven't been able to. But I've been planning on taking it more seriously lately

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” all of my thoughts without judgement

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex? (for some, not all) Jealousy, constant focus on showing off to guys

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex? (for some, not all) Bad at communicating, bad at understanding

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week? I started taking the steps to honestly change my life for the better

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it? How I treated my ex, he was actually really kind to me but I wasn't mentally stable so I couldn't communicate well to him. But I hope he's well! I only wish him the best.

31. How long was your longest relationship? a little over a year

32. Have you ever been in love? Oh yeah

33. Are you currently in love? A bit!

34. Why did your last relationship end? I ended it because I wasn't well enough, I needed some time alone to get back to myself.

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it? A heart necklace i made, handmade bracelet from a market, 3 earrings from hm

36. When was the last time you cried and why? When i first took my antidepressants i burst out crying so its around 3 weeks ago i think

37. Name someone pretty. Uma thurman

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day? Japanese snacks

39. Do you get jealous easily? Nope

40. Have you ever been cheated on? Not that i know of

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend? Yes

42. Ever had detention? hahah yeah because i skipped class to buy piercing jewelry

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city? hmmm, difficult question. I think i'm that kinda person that likes to switch between the two

44. What do people call you? Luna since it's my name

45. What was the last book you read? "stjärnhimlen" (a book about stars)

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? well i'm a nerd for moss e.e

47. What kind of music do you listen to? veryyy mixed, metal, rock, indie, alternative rock, jrock, instrumental, kpop, pop, rap

48. How tall are you? 163cm

49. Do you like kids? I don't mind them!

50. Favorite fruits? Banana, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, wild strawberry, persimmon

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Sweats

52. What’s your earliest memory? In kindergarten i used to dance to Westlife music

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you? Nope not that i know of

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

55. Do you have a collection of anything? Moon stuff

56. Do you save money or spend it? I try to save!

57. What would your dream house be like? Filled with things i've made and antique stuff as well

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest? Aaa i dont know, i try not to focus on those things

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face? a good meal, plants, good music, animals, finishing something i made

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I would help the dog

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? Yeah i'd probably tell the ones closest to me that arent my family. then i'd just make the most of my time, i'd travel to japan for a week, france/germany for a week, a week with my family and last with the ones close to me outside of family. I would probably be a bit scared but i wouldn't try to focus on that fear too much, because well if theres nothing i can do about it then worrying about it will just stop me from enjoying the last of my days

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. A heart shape ❤️

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Japan!

64. Do you like the beach? It's okay, not my favorite place

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special? Yes

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it! I have two middle names, Ida and Johanna

67. Do you talk to yourself? Yes, because it helps me to understand my own thoughts and situations better

68. Describe your hair. Thin, blonde

69. What is the meaning of life. To enjoy it

70. What is your ideal partner like? Calming, feels like home, a bit spontaneous romantic, supporting, good listener and communicator

71. Do you want to get married? Yeah it would be cute

72. Do you want to have kids? A bit torn on that question, can't say no or yes

73. Like or dislike your family? A bit so so

74. Are you Chunky or Slim? Somewhere in between

75. Would you consider yourself smart? Yes in some ways

76. What would you change about your life? The place I live

77. Religious or Not? Nope

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? I dont drink so no one!

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? Nope

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Nope, and my family doesn't say it either

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Probably sleeping

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Yes but my mom wouldn't be too happy haha

83. Do you like when people play with your hair? yes it's nice sometimes

84. Do you like bubble baths? Nope, i don't really like baths so much

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop? Nope

86. Have you ever danced in the rain? Yes, with my old best friend

87. Do you trust anyone with your life? Yes the ones closest to me, not really my family though

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning? I wanna eat haha

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) Japan for 3 weeks, France, Germany, LA, Italy, Greece, Thailand, England

90. How was your day today? It was good! I made some stew for the week

91. Play an instrument? A bit of piano, some chords on guitar but thats it

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean. It's okay, if i go i usually prefer a smaller beach with few or no people

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Aliens but not like in movies, anything that is alive outside of our planet so anything even if it's an ant sized creature it's an alien to me. And as for ghosts i'm open to the idea of it but i haven't really invested much time in that topic!

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? Nope, but i believe they will be someday

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side? Not bitchy but a bit scary maybe

96. When are you vulnerable? When i'm deeply in love

97. How much free time do you have? A lot currently but i'm taking that time to relax

98. Do you like to go hiking? Never been!

99. Odd or Even Numbers? Even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? hmmm, i can't say for sure

[mearcatsreturns]

Hope for Dummies, ch. 4

There's not a guidebook to hope, but they could sure use one.

It's all hard rotations and hard talks, but it's worth it to be on the same page as the person you maybeprobablydefinitely love.

Me, starting to write this fic: ah, yes, a nice one-shot.

Me now: so, uh...five chapters and an epilogue?

In other words, I am EXTREMELY predictable and wordy about these idiots. In all seriousness, though, this chapter deals with canon-typical discussions of abortion and pregnancy, if that's a thing of sensitivity for you.

Also on ao3 (will link later). 5k words.

Anspaugh shakes his finger at him in reproof, telling him he should know better. It’s Luka’s fault that Abby didn’t get into any of the residency programs she applied for, no one wants someone who just got her position from sleeping with the doctors—

Luka wakes with start. He’s in Abby’s bed, naked as the day he was born. And she’s in his arms, blessedly and equally naked. He fights his body’s natural response to her, the desire to say to hell with it all and make love to her here and now.

Instead, he turns to lie on his back. He needs to get up, because there’s no way staying in bed with the naked love of his life—that’s what she is, he can’t deny it anymore—won’t lead to them having sex. Which will be fine when she’s not a med student anymore, but right now it’s a problem.

If he leaves, though...he doesn’t want her to feel like she’s done something wrong, or like he doesn’t want to be here. If he had his way, this is how they would always wake up. And maybe in six months or so, they can.

For now, he begrudgingly rolls out of bed and finds his boxers and his undershirt that he wore the previous night.  Luka’s fairly sure Abby has one or two of his old sweaters around, but he can look later.

He contents himself with putting on some clothes, then waffles about what to do next. It’s only 7:30, and they didn’t go to sleep until close to 2, so he doesn’t want to wake Abby. He has to work, but not until noon. And there’s no way he’s going back to sleep.

Finally, he pads out to her kitchen and starts the coffee machine. He roots around in her cabinets and finds some bagels, though the pickings for toppings are slim. At least he can do this.

Around 8:15, Luka is antsy enough that he plates up a bagel for Abby and pours her some coffee before taking them into her bedroom and setting them on the nightstand beside her. Grabbing a book off the shelf, he crawls back into bed to do some reading.

It’s not long before she stirs, blinking up blearily at him. “You brought coffee.”

“And food,” he says with a smile.

“Hmm, thanks,” she says, then frowns at the sight of his shirt. “And you got dressed.”

His smile fades, and her face falls. Luka rushes to reassure her. “I am, but...Abby, I don’t regret last night. And I wish I were still naked, if that’s any consolation.”

“So you didn’t just get cold, huh?”

“More like cold feet,” he says, congratulating himself on word play until he sees how devastated Abby is. “Not about you! Just...the situation.”

“Oh,” she says in a small voice.

He owes her a more thorough explanation, but first he pulls her into his arms, tucking the blanket around her so he won’t be tempted. “Last night was...it was perfect. The thing is, Abby, one night, or even the next several nights with you until school starts again, won’t be enough for me. I—I can’t have this and then press pause for so long.”

A lot of the concern in her face disappears, and then her shoulders slump. “I don’t want to keep waiting, though.”

“Hey,” he says, reaching to cup her face and turn her chin up, “I don’t either. But I also don’t want to make things more difficult for you with administration or risk messing up your matches.”

“You’re right, I know. I know. I guess I just…”

“What, draga?”

“I guess I’m a little afraid, Luka. That...I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem right to make you keep waiting.”

He kisses her softly, then leans his forehead against hers. “It’s my choice. And you’re worth it to me.”

She drops her head with a sigh, gripping the front of his tee shirt and all he can do is brush his lips across her forehead.

“So what do we do now?”

“Not what I’d like to,” he says wryly before adding, “and maybe we should continue this talk over breakfast?”

“And with me fully clothed.”

She is so very naked and in his arms, and yes, it would be good for her to be wearing clothes if he’s supposed to think with his brain and his heart. He kisses her cheek and nods, standing and making his way to the door. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

“Where men belong,” she calls out, and he snorts. God, she’s so funny and wonderful, joking even through her disappointment and fears, and he hates that he has to leave this room and this little bubble.

She comes out a few minutes later wearing sweatpants and one of the sweaters she stole from him when they were dating before. Luka’s heart is so very full, even as he wonders if she’s trying to torture him.

Abby must see his expression, because she gets apologetic. “Sorry, I didn’t even—I wasn’t trying to make this harder.”

“At least cold showers help,” he says with a grin.

“Dumbass. But I can change if it’s a problem. And give it back to you.”

“No, keep it. It looks good on you.”

She nods and takes a deep breath and heads to the coffee pot to pour herself another cup. Her back is toward him, and she says, “I’ve been thinking, while I was getting dressed. I...I think it’s best if we don’t spend a lot of time alone together until I graduate.”

He makes an instinctive sound of protest, but damn it, she’s right. Anything else is just taunting them and setting them up to fail and risk Abby’s career.

“I don’t want to, but...yeah, it gets harder and harder not to do stuff when we’re together, and you’re right, we can’t, not now.”

He’ll have to do something about that dinner reservation he’d made for them for her birthday, shit. More than that, though, he doesn’t want the distance between them to become like it was last year—she’s his best friend, and the idea of not spending time with her at all is just the worst thing he can think of. “Yes, but...I don’t want to not talk to you or be around you.”

She bites her lip, pondering a solution. Finally, she brightens a little. “We can hang out with other people around, or in public. And we can talk on the phone.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. She’s literally the only person he’s willing to enthusiastically agree to phone chats with, but if it’s what they can do, he’ll take it. “No more movie nights, though?”

Abby smiles. “Yeah, I’m gonna say no. Dark lights and passive action on a screen?”

“Fair enough,” he says, chuckling.

She bites her lip. “But you’ll stay for breakfast today, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

&&&

Abby takes a deep breath, straightening her coat and preparing herself to head out to Admit. Carter is back and somewhere out there in the building, and Luka texted her and let her know that his new(ish) girlfriend is with him.

She’s...mostly ready.

She’s not pining over Carter—she never has before, and now that she has a future with Luka, it’s definitely not going to happen. But for a man she loved, if not the way she hoped, to come back so soon after their breakup, another woman in tow? And have it be serious? It hurts a little, and she can’t ask Luka to kiss it better.

As soon as she steps out, she sees them talking to Chuny, showing her a picture. John looks scruffy but delighted, and his girlfriend—who is stunningly beautiful, of course—is looking at him with love and adoration. Oh. That’s what was missing between her and Carter.

Bracing herself, she decides to bite the bullet. She walks up and blurts out, “Hi.”

“Hey. Hey, how are you?” He looks stunned for a second, but recovers quickly. Abby stumbles forward into Carter’s awkward hug before introducing herself to Kem, who shows a mere flicker of recognition at her name. After a stilted exchange of pleasantries—in which Abby is thrilled to convey that she is in fact good and doing well—Carter drops the bombshell in response to her question about the picture.

“It’s, uh, an ultrasound,” he says, handing her the glossy photo.

Abby’s mouth drops open against her will. Ultrasound. “Wow.”

Kem looks so pleased. Carter does too, if sheepish. He meets her eyes, and she feels a momentary, boiling rage at the smug and challenging look there. Did he...ambush her with this? Still, she manages an even “Congratulations.”

Then she sees Luka barrelling down the hallway, rushing toward them to introduce himself, and she smiles in spite of herself.

“You must be Kem,” he says, extending a hand in greeting to Carter’s girlfriend.

“Are you Luka?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, if it wasn’t for you, John and I would never have met,” Kem says, delighted.

Luka glances at Abby, confusion and mild panic in his eyes. Carter and Kem did meet in Kinshasa not long after Luka left, but that’s still kind of coincidental. She shrugs at him, wishing she could reach out and take his hand. She’s okay, especially now that he’s here. “Ah, so girl or boy?”

“Boy,” Kem replies, beaming.

“Handsome,” he says, and Abby almost agrees before realizing that Luka isn’t talking about himself. It really is unfair that he’s so attractive like this, thrilled as he is at the prospect of children, even someone else’s. Her stomach drops, realizing that’s a conversation she’ll have to have with him at some point.

She and Luka exchange an amused look when Kem says, “Like his daddy.”

Carter then makes his excuses about returning to work, though he goes to walk Kem out. He leaves Luka and Abby standing there, and it’s a moment before Luka’s shoulders slump and he reaches for her hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she says, squeezing his hand. “I’m okay. But boy, did he knock her up the minute he got there?”

Luka snorts, then grows serious. “I’m going to be heading out soon, but let me know if I need to punch him, okay?”

“Please don’t punch anyone else on my behalf.”

“I can glare at him a little, if you prefer.”

“That would be nice,” Abby says, smiling and squeezing his hand once more. For luck. Or just because she wants to.

She watches him wander down the hall, and she sighs and hurries to the desk, hoping there will be a few good cases that make the shift fly by.

Susan calls out to her, and Abby goes to join her with whatever case she’s working on. She begins to get a little suspicious when it’s clear they’re taking the long way to anywhere other than the lounge.

“Susan, what are you—”

“Okay, so spill. How many times did you and Luka ring in the new year? Is it weird at work now?”

Abby is aghast. She and Susan are close, but this is a new level of inquisitive. “Uh, everything okay?”

With a roll of her eyes, Susan just says, “Listen, I’m either horny or nauseous all the time right now, and Chuck’s not around right now, so let me live vicariously.”

“Gross. And when are you going to actually announce that you’re pregnant?”

Susan deflates. “As soon as I can figure out how to tell Kerry I’m probably going to need extended maternity leave. This baby is not making things easy for me. But stop deflecting.”

“Fine,” Abby says with a sigh. “We...we actually didn’t, um, do that that night.”

“Oh, come on. You expect me to believe that with the way you two were looking at each other?”

“I didn’t say that nothing happened, but we decided it’s not the time for it.”

“Why?” Susan is skeptical, as if she expects to hear about one or both of them chickening out.

For once, that’s not it. “I’m a med student. He’s an attending.”

Susan scoffed. “Oh, you know none of us care about that. Maybe if it were another med student and another attending, but you two have history, and it’s not like you’re just looking for a good time.”

Abby shrugs. “I know that no one in the ER cares. But what about admin? They don’t know me or Luka, really. Or if my school or loan company found out? At the very least, it would look bad. At worst, it could ruin one or both of our careers.”

After a long moment or two of silence, Susan lets out a sigh. “I guess you’re right, but...ugh.”

“It’s very dumb, and neither of us are happy about it.”

“But Luka’s going along with it?”

“Luka might be the one who enforced and reminded me of it.”

“Oh,” she says, blinking, before her mouth curves into a smile, “he really does lo—care about you a lot.”

“Yep,” Abby says, unable to keep her happiness from her face, as frustrated as she is.

“So it’s good, it’s just...on pause.”

“Until I graduate, yeah.”

“Abby, do you think he has a calendar where he’s marking down the days?”

“How do you know I don’t?”

&&&

Luka quickens his pace down the hall, intent on catching up with Carter while he’s alone. “Carter,” he calls out.

Carter turns to see him coming down the hall and smiles up at him. “Hey, what’s up?”

He can’t help a scowl at the other man. “You really thought it was a good idea to not tell anyone that Kem was pregnant? And then to shove it in Abby’s face like that?”

“Listen, Abby asked to see the picture, and it’s not like I cheated—”

“You might not have cheated on her, but it’s only been six months since you broke up. And you really couldn’t have mentioned it in one of the emails, just so I could give her some warning?”

“Contrary to what you and Abby believe, she’s not the center of the world,” Carter snarked.

Luka let out a breath, trying to rein in his temper. “It’s not about that, it’s about respect. She was your friend before she was anything else.”

Carter looks ready to argue, but Luka just glowers at him until his shoulders slump in defeat. “Not my finest moment, huh?”

“Definitely not. Does, uh, does Kem know about you and Abby?”

“She knows we dated, but not how recent it was. Guess I’ll have to tell her, won’t I?” He looks up pleadingly at Luka.

Luka can’t give him an out, though. “Probably, yes, if you value your relationship with her. You know how people talk around here. She’s bound to find out from someone.”

“Yeah.” There’s a pause, and then he continues, “So, you and Abby?”

“We...it’s complicated. Because of the med school thing. But we care about each other a lot, and…”

“And you’ll be there for her no matter what?”

“Yes.”

“Then it should pan out fine.”

“Thanks, I think. And Carter?”

“Yeah?” He raises an eyebrow.

Luka claps a hand onto his shoulder. “I really happy for you and Kem. Congratulations, okay?”

Carter beams, and Luka tries to push down his feelings of envy for what Carter seems to have stumbled upon, what Luka so wants with Abby. “Thanks, man.”

He manages a smile, and with a sigh, he heads to his locker so he can go home.

&&&

Hours later, Abby feels the familiar pounding in her head she gets when a patient doesn’t make it.

Right after she and Susan had finished chatting, Susan had turned an unfortunate green color and ran to the restroom. Kerry had sent her home, and Abby had gotten pulled into a trauma. Luka had too, even though he was supposed to head home ages ago. She’d been able to see him through the plexi windows separating the two trauma rooms, and she half wished she’d been able to be in with him instead of where she was with Carter.

On the bright side, they’d been so focused on trying to save their patient that things hadn’t been able to get awkward between her and Carter.

Now, though, they stand in the mess of trauma green, and all the other students and nurses seem to have made themselves scarce.

Abby is working at removing her dirty smock and gloves when Carter breaks the tense silence. “I’m glad you went back.”

“To med school?” Or does he mean Luka? Is it that obvious? “Yeah, me too.”

“Never should have left.” She holds back a snort; he knows full well why she had to quit.

“Well, timing is everything, right?”

Carter just chuckles.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing.”

With increased irritation, she repeats her question. “What?!”

“You seem happy,” he says with that earnest sincerity that won her over in the first place.

Oh. Right, this is why she and Carter were friends. Her agitation fades into nothingness, and she smiles. “Right back at you.”

“So we’re okay?”

“We’re okay.”

“Good,” he says, letting out a breath. “‘Cause Kem and I were going to get some dinner later and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with us.”

Abby lets out a startled laugh. That’s a bit much, even if she is over him. “Ah, well...not that okay.” She’s still smiling, which softens the blow.

Nodding, Carter tells her he’ll see her tomorrow. Before he makes it to the door, she stops him.

“But if you and Kem want to come to the surprise birthday Luka is planning for me, consider yourselves invited.”

He snorts. “Subtlety still isn’t his strong suit, is it?”

“No, not at all. It’s kind of nice, though.”

His laugh turns self-deprecating. “I bet it is after, the last year or so.”

She bites her lip. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Abby. For not being more understanding when we were together, and for today.”

“Apology accepted. I wasn’t exactly at my best either when we were together.”

He shakes his head, not disagreeing. “Did you know that Luka came up and told me off about today?”

She can’t help but smile. “Oh god, I didn’t think he was serious about doing that.”

Carter ducks his head, shoulders shaking with his mirth. “So...you two, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess you weren’t wrong about there still being stuff between us.”

“Then I’m glad for you, even if Luka says it’s complicated by you being in med school.”

“It is, but I’m just glad he and I are back in each other’s lives like that,” Abby tells him honestly.

“I am too. You two deserve happiness together.”

“Thanks, John.”

“And Abby?”

“Yeah?”

He grins at her, that boyish smile that no longer gives her butterflies in her stomach, but still one she can’t help but return. “You’re going to kick med school’s ass.”

&&&

About a week after her birthday, Abby starts her NICU rotation. Neela’s there too, and it’s a relief not to be alone.

It’s...well, it’s hell. Nothing in OB could have prepared her for this, the chaos, the stress, the unrelenting tension.

She misses sleep, her apartment, and most of all, she misses Luka. They may need some distance to keep things from heating up, but she’s not used to being away from him like this anymore.

Abby feels like an idiot, something she doesn’t deal with often now that Romano’s gone. In the rare breaks when she’s not in the NICU or sleeping, she calls Luka. They usually don’t talk for long, but it’s enough to keep her going and remind her that there’s a world outside that she’ll be able to rejoin soon enough. He also reminds her that she’s capable and intelligent, even if adjusting to new rotations is hard.

Carter comes up after a week of her being there. He’s nervous, she can tell. She can hear his worry over Kem, about fatherhood, and somehow it mends the last of the wounds from their relationship. He loves Kem and the future he’s building with her, and frankly, Abby’s never been happier for him. Whatever she tells him must get through to him, because he reassures her that she’s going to be a great doctor.

Things start looking up. That is, until little Jake Kolber dies. It feels like shit, in a way that being in the ER doesn’t, and she can’t wait to get back. Dr. Weaver, there with Sandy and their young son, Henry, agrees that she wants Abby back down there. Dr. Raab may want her up in NICU, but needs to be back downstairs where she belongs.

After their celebratory rooftop cigars and apple cider, courtesy of Kerry, Abby and Neela make their way down. Neela heads to the train immediately, but Abby stops at Admit to see if Luka’s in.

Unfortunately, he’s just gone home after taking an extended shift to cover for Susan. She silently curses to herself and decides to splurge on a cab home.

As soon as she gets into her apartment, she grabs the phone and sinks down onto the couch, pulling off her coat and scarf. She dials his number, hoping she can catch him before he goes to sleep.

He answer on the third ring. “Abby?”

“Hey. Am I catching you at a bad time?”

“No, I was just getting ready for bed. Long, long shift.”

“Then I won’t keep you. I just wanted to call now that the NICU rotation is over.”

She can hear his smile through the phone. “You did it. I’m sorry I forgot, I meant to be there, but…”

“Luka, you were on for an absurdly long time. Frank told me.”

“Yeah. But I feel better hearing your voice.”

“Me too,” she says. God, she’d be twirling the phone cord if this thing weren’t cordless.

“Was it good? Still want to be an ER doc?”

“Ugh, yes. It was good work up there, but...I don’t know. Working with a baby for over three weeks only to watch him die...I can’t do it.”

“Yeah,” he says, and then goes quiet.

Shit, a sore spot. “Sorry, I didn’t—I’m sorry, Luka.”

“Abby, it’s fine. It’s...it’s just a little weird right now, with Susan and Chuck, Carter and Kem, and Kerry and Sandy all having kids.”

She makes a sympathetic sound. “Still. Sorry. Anything I can do?”

“You can get ice cream with me tomorrow, since I know you’re free. I’m off too.”

“Oh, yes, please.”

“It’s a date. Or not. Well, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, grinning goofily at how flustered he is.

“I’ve missed you. Can’t wait to see you then.”

“Does two work?”

“Yeah.”

&&&

They meet downtown and get their ice cream to go, and Abby suggests they go to “their” bench. Luka agrees easily, even if it’s still too cold for the combination of ice cream and being outside. It’s worth it for Abby.

“Are you ready to be back in the ER?”

“Yeah, after a couple days off.”

“You’re off tomorrow too, yeah?”

“Fortunately, yes,” she says just as they reach the bench.

They sit next to each other, Luka staying close. For warmth, obviously. Once they settle in, he asks, “Now that it’s over, what did you think of NICU?”

“Oof. It was good and I learned a lot, but it was so hard. Especially with so many of our friends having just had kids or expecting them.”

“And Kerry and Sandy had a baby?”

“Yep. And hey, did you know that Kerry isn’t the hardass in that relationship?”

He laughs. He hasn’t spent a lot of time with Kerry and Sandy together, but he can see it. “She was nice to you up there?”

“Yeah. Sandy wasn’t awful, she just wanted someone who wasn’t a med student to work with Henry,” Abby explains.

“Understandable enough, I suppose.”

“Carter came up to see me.”

“Oh? I’m sorry I didn’t get to.” She’s so brilliant, he wishes he could have seen her in action up there, but the NICU...like she said, it’s a hard place.

“Nah, I was so busy that I wouldn’t have been able to pay much attention to you.”

“What, you don’t think I can distract you?” Luka grins and wraps an arm around her, enjoying the way she leans in and rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

She reaches down and pinches his thigh. “Not the point. But yeah, Carter came up. I think he was just worried about Kem and the baby and needed to talk.”

“Why didn’t he talk to me?” Luka grumbles.

Abby hesitates. “I—I think he’s worried about bringing up the baby to you too much. For you. And what happened to you…”

“It’s every parent’s worst nightmare.”

She shrugs, but tucks her arm around his waist. He leans his head on top of hers, letting her warmth and proximity soothe the hurts that still arise sometimes.

Then she takes a deep breath and pulls back a bit. “Luka? Since we’re on the topic...”

“Yes?” His pulse races; he can’t think of where this is going, but all of the options are, well...they could change things.

“I—I had an abortion.”

“When?” His ears are buzzing, and questions fill his mind. With Carter? With him? Why?

She bites her lip, and he can feel her glance, though he’s avoiding her eyes. “Oh, um. With Richard, a couple years before we got divorced.”

Some of the tension drains from him, and she must be able to sense it, because she hurries to continue, “I had just started med school, and I’d only been sober for a year or so. Richard and I weren’t doing well, and we didn’t—well, we weren’t together much. It was too much for me to handle, and I just couldn’t—”

“Abby, you don’t owe me an explanation,” he says, letting out a breath and looking down at her. She’s getting increasingly agitated, and his heart twists that she’s so worried and upset. Tightening his arm around her shoulder, he holds her, waiting.

And truthfully, he needs a chance to think. He’s wanted kids again—hell, even with Danijela he had wanted a big family—for so long. If that’s not something she wants…

“I do, though, if we’re really, um, if I—if we really want to make things work later,” she says apologetically.

Then it hits him, like a bolt of lightning, and everything slides into place. “So then we can talk about it, but what I mean is you don’t need to apologize to me for the past or things that happened when we weren’t—we didn’t even know each other. It’s...the only thing that matters is that you’re okay.”

Abby stops and considers this, nodding. “I am. I mean...it’s just a lot, you know? Things weren’t great with Richard, and with my mom and now my brother being bipolar, it’s overwhelming.”

Luka pauses, trying to figure out how to proceed in this delicate, important conversation that’s far beyond his normal communicative powers.

“And, um, I know that right now we can’t do anything, but I just—well, you’re made to be a dad, I’ve seen you with kids. I…”

“I do want to be a father,” he says, cutting her off, “and with most, uh—ugh, I’m afraid if I say what I’m thinking that I’ll scare you or make you nervous, and I don’t want you to think I have any expectations.”

Abby snorts. “Clearly beating around the bush isn’t getting us very far along. So...maybe we should just say it, Luka. I can’t promise I won’t be scared or nervous, but I do promise to try.”

Pulling his arm from around her shoulder so he can reach for her hand, he entwines their gloved fingers. With a fortifying breath in, he continues, “I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but if I have to choose between having kids and being with you, well, I’m going to pick you. I’ve...I’ve tried to focus on children and having a family, with Nicole and even a little with Carol. But with you, you’re the one I want more than all the rest.”

Then he can’t talk anymore, because she’s leaping into his embrace.

With a sniffle, she says, “I’m not saying you’ll have to choose, either. It just scares me a lot, because I want it, but there are so many things that can go wrong.”

“But, Abby? There are so many things that can go right. I’m not trying to talk you into anything, but even with losing them, every minute with my kids...it was worth it. And that can be enough, if that’s…”

“Yeah.”

He pulls her completely onto his lap, not caring that they’re in public. If anyone else is determined to take a walk on this frigid February day and judge them, they can have at it. Luka doesn’t even care, not with his heart and arms so full.

They sit there like that for a long while, until Luka finally breaks the contented silence. “So, just a nice, soothing conversation over some ice cream, eh?”

Giggling, she responds in kind, “Oh, absolutely. Gotta keep it light and airy.”

“Speaking of airy, are you cold?”

“Nah, I’m good right now. Something about body heat,” she says, and kisses him on the cheek. It’s such a sweet, simple gesture, and it nearly undoes him.

He squeezes her in a tight hug before loosening his grip. “Anything I have to say about body heat won’t be appropriate, and I don’t want you to scold me.”

“Oh, please. You love when I scold you.”

“I really do,” Luka says, brushing his lips over the adorable upturn of her nose. “But it is cold, and maybe we should get coffee, yeah?”

“Sounds perfect.”

[natsspammityspamspamham]

1. Who’s your celebrity crush?

I don’t have celebrity crushes most of the time. I have people who I think are pretty and people that I admire, but I don’t have any of them that I crush on. Alongside my favourite voice actors (seiyuu), Emma Watson would definitely be up there. There’s something about intelligence that makes a person far more appealing.

2. Are you single or taken?

As single as they come! I haven’t even been in a relationship, and I don’t really have any interests in getting into one!

3. Rant. Just do it.

I’m nervous. I’m doubting. I hate this feeling in me. I feel so out of place, so uncomfortable, and it’s eating me on the inside. I wish I had friends in real life. I really wish I did, but it feels like I’m growing apart from everyone, and I’m pushing them all away because I can’t stand being reminded of my past, and I feel like every step I take is just a desperate attempt to get myself back on track, and I’m trying to be proud of myself. I really am. But I have a hard time acknowledging anything that I do. I never feel like I’m enough. I feel insufficient. I feel like I’m just a statistic. I feel inferior yet superior at the same time. My self-image is warped. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to others. It hurts. It hurts a lot, and I don’t want people to know but I do at the same time. It’s a pain unlike any other, and as much as I can say that I don’t feel lonely, I feel like there should be people in my life that I can call my friends, and I want someone that I can mutually call my best friend without them saying that they are just my “good friend”. I want to know that I mean the upmost to a person without feeling I’m burdening them. I want to be No. 1 at something. 

I dream about chasing dreams like becoming a medical professional, but I continue to realize and face my shortcomings that would prove that I’m not really fit for it. I want to do it, but quite frankly, I’m too stupid. 

I can’t even articulate what’s truly paining my mind. It’s difficult. I don’t know why my body and mind wants to destroy itself.

But sometimes, I think I fix myself better.

4. Do you think it's okay to separate the artist from the art?

Personally, I’m one of those people who usually say no to this question. Now, if you have weird kinks or like pineapple on pizza, that’s none of my business. I won’t hold it against you. However, I find it hard to separate when things are illegal or morally wrong.

Examples:

Net-juu no Susume was a really heartwarming anime, and it was one of my favourite anime that depicted a wholesome adult romance that unveiled many truths about the real world despite spending its time online, but I would’ve never watched the anime if I would have known that the director was a Holocaust-denier. The rest of the staff? I don’t know, but I felt extremely uncomfortable even reblogging content after I found out.

I was planning on watching Rurouni Kenshin, and to this day, I believe I’m missing out, but I cannot support or condone or even watch a series that has a creator as wretched as Nobuhiro Watsuki. If you don’t know, he was charged in February of 2017 for child pornography. He was fined 200,000 yen. It was a slap on the wrist. Even though Rurouni Kenshin wasn’t a reflection on his person according to fans, I don’t feel keen on watching a show created by such a man.

In regards to actors, this goes for them too. If they are not supportive of the LGBTQ community, if they are racist, if they have committed acts that are cannot be condoned, I wouldn’t want to watch them or anything. Again, I have a hard time keeping track of who’s actually clean in this world, and in Japan, there is a lot of covering up. It was recently revealed that a lot of Madhouse anime that people love were probably made at the expense of animators who are human beings.

5. How many accounts do you have?

I have a few.

@nsisbest385 - my main where I stockpile my music @natsspammityspamspamham - This one where I am really open and reblog everything that I want to reblog (no exceptions; if I don’t even think about it, I just reblog) @natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk - used to be for inspirational stuff/writing, but now it’s mostly seiyuu stuff. I post things for their birthdays. I should’ve made a separate account. @semitranslatedseiyuublog - Where I semi-translate stuff but mostly transfer seiyuu content from Reddit. @awkwardbsd - This account has more followers than all my other accounts combined. It’s for awkward screenshots, memes, and other stuff surrounding the Bungou Stray Dogs universe. @dragontypepropaganda - I didn’t tell anyone this existed until now. I’m generally not on it. I just queue and leave.

6. How many pairs of shoes do you have?

Let’s see... uh... 1 for outside, 1 for exercise, 1 for my house slippers, 3 for orchestra that I never use, 2 dress shoes that I really never use, and I’m supposed to get 1 pair of slippers for outside.

7. Opinion on…

I don’t think I can answer this.

8. How many accounts do you follow?

9. Favourite brand of clothing?

I’ve been wearing more Uniqlo lately, but my wardrobe has a lot of hand-me-downs despite being so sensitive tactile-wise.

10. Name a dog

Atticus (boy) and Haruko (girl)

11. What unusual talent do you have?

I can whistle. I haven’t tried in a while, but I can put my feet behind my head.

12. What’s the most interesting school's gossip you’ve ever heard?

Keep in mind, I was only in school until grade 9-10. One of my PE teachers Ms. Snow had really scary eyes. When she got mad at me (which is pretty frequent considering she didn’t know who I was and kept calling me by other Asian people’s names because “we look the same”), I swear her eyeballs would extend from her sockets a little. They looked like they were about to pop out of her head. My sister said that urban legend states that she once fell down the stairs and both eyeballs popped out. She put them back in and carried on.

13. Ever prank called a store?

I think I almost tried once until I got a scolding or something (wasn’t even my parents).

14. What’s your coffee order?

Don’t have one. I don’t like coffee. I’m generally open to tea.

15. What’s a question do you constantly get asked?

“How are you?” I usually choose the easy route to answer to this question. I just say “good thanks”. You want the truth? I lie to myself.

“Why did you leave school?” It was a living hell. I didn’t feel safe. I was breaking down years ago. School nearly broke me, and if I stayed there any longer, I would’ve died (not an exaggeration).

“What are your hobbies?” I usually just say music and watching cartoons* (anime). They usually ask what else, and I just stare blankly.

16. If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?

I wouldn’t want one.

17. Google the top song from the year you were born

Apparently, it’s How You Remind Me by *gasp* Nickelback.

18. Rant about your favourite musician

I seriously wish I was able to go to Sara Bareille’s version of the Waitress. I wish I was able to see it on Broadway. She’s such a talented individual, and she deserves all the attention she gets.

19. What’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had?

All of my best teachers have been outside of school. I would say that my favourite teachers are my current bass teacher and my taekwondo master who has taught me for over a decade.

20. Describe your blog in 3-5 words

Fando(o)m, ranting, anime, seiyuu, random

21. What’s a conspiracy you believe in?

I believe aliens exist. I don’t think it would be logical to assume that Earth is the only planet that has “intelligent” (I say that very loosely) lifeforms.

“But they don’t have water or oxygen” Bold of you to assume that said aliens would need such a thing. I would think they can adapt like humans and all that. I just think it’s dumb to close ourselves off to believing that there are people other than ourselves that exist in this wide and expanding universe.

22. If you could see any concert tonight what would you choose?

I would really want to see the Waitress. If that doesn’t count, I would want to see some seiyuu singing live. It would depend. Hosoya doesn’t sing much anymore, Maaya Sakamoto has a waitlist longer than my lifespan (I have no luck with lotteries), and Saori Hayami has the same issue. I would want to see Sphere live too, but I don’t know all of their songs.

23. If you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?

My depression... or my anxiety. Actually, those aren’t habits. I guess the closest I will get is doubting myself and beating myself up.

24. Can you dance? Sing?

A strong no to both.

25. What’s something you can’t stop buying?

Uh… I don’t go out and buy anything. I don’t make money so I don’t buy. However, if I did, I would really want to treat myself to good food and anime stuff.

26. Crowds or small groups?

Small groups... obviously.

27. How long before a trip do you pack?

Depends on where. When it comes to the Philippines, weeks for the Balikbayan boxes and less than a week for my actual clothes (usually pack a ton of clothes because I sweat a lot and “we’re not doing laundry!”)

28. What celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10?

I feel like I don’t have a good grasp of the culture so I actually can’t say anything about my favourite seiyuu. We don’t even know if that’s their true personality. However, I feel like my perfect 10s are Emma Watson and Robin Williams. They might not be my “crushes”, but they are perfect 10s. 

29. What quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?

“When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up!” Nah man, you just don’t know what rock bottom looks like. It’s gonna get worse.

“Don’t fix what isn’t broken!” All because you can’t see what’s wrong with it doesn’t mean it isn’t broken. Yeah, I’m talking about the school system.

“Pain makes you who you are. It makes you stronger.” I can say that my trauma gives me anxiety.

30. If you had to dye your hair an unnatural colour right now, what would you choose?

I go by “Purple Dino” online so I’d have to say dark purple.

31. You can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?

I wish I could breathe properly. My allergies make it so hard for me to exist. It affects my breathing, sleep, dental care, and so much more. I think that’s the one physical thing I would change.

32. How old do you get mistaken for?

Apparently, I look like I’m in middle school even though I’m almost a legal adult.

33. What do you think about a lot?

Anime, seiyuu, my own shortcomings. 

34. Do you like your Hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one?

I like Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. I haven’t done my test in a while. 

35. What does home mean to you?

Home is where you live. It’s where the heart lives. It’s where you feel safe, and it’s where you can take off the mask that you live in during the day. It’s the place where I don’t have to lie through my teeth. I can cry, I can laugh, I can scream, and I can finally be me.

36. What do you think you’d be arrested for?

I feel like I would be caught for pirating anime even if I don’t profit off it. 

37. Have you ever been called down to the principal's office?

I’ve been there, but I haven’t been called down there because I really wasn’t important in school.

38. Post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wanted

Probably a dark coloured hoodie with sweatpants. That’s my default during the winter anyway.

39. Describe your aesthetic

Tired dead eyes with existential dread and depression. That’s how I see myself.

40. Answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation 

I’m not sure how to say this, but I was really not in the “right crowd” at school, and I was never let into any of these things. I can’t answer this, and it pains me just to read this because I’m missing out on so much of my youth and “high school life”. 

I’m tagging @caratheillustrious who reblogged the questions!

[fizzingwizard]

Just venting about work...

At my job, we are supposed to have an hour break and an hour of prep. An hour break is generous and an hour prep is woefully inadequate, so prep bleeds into break all the time. I’ve never taken an hour break. It’s usually 10 or 15 min, 30 when I can.

However, our schedule changes daily and this break/prep time is NOT consecutive. It’s 15 min off duty here, 30 min off there, etc. Which makes getting anything done during that down time really difficult - as soon as you set up, it’s time to break down. Then you have to do it again later when your next off duty block shows up.

We are also perpetually understaffed. Most schools in our company have at least 2 of my type of class divided by age level, and at least two, but usually three, teachers per class. My school? Has 1 class of combined ages (complicating things immensely!) with three teachers, one of whom works 10-7, one who is part time and works 9:30-3, and then me, who works 9-5. This means that there are times of day when I am the only teacher of my age group around, or my coworker is, so there’s no choice but to put us on the duty schedule during those times. In other words, those are popular break times for other teachers, but we have to be on duty because there’s no one else. (It also means there’s no one to share the load for school event planning so I’m a leader for every, single. event. 1 hour of prep a day during which I have to prep, grading, cleaning, organizing, lesson planning, prop making, and event planning... HOW??)

And on top of that, I have never to my memory actually had a full 2 hours prep/break time on my schedule. Never. The longest is 1 hr 45, which is close - but that’s rare. On a regular day, it’s 1.5 hrs, or 1 hour 15 min. On days when another teacher calls out sick and we can’t get a sub, or on days when we have parent meetings or after school classes, and I have to pick up the slack, I might have 1 hour.

And on top of the top of that - meetings run long, the teacher supposed to take over for your shift before you go on break is late, etc, all these things add up and... for example, yesterday I was off literally 40 min the entire day. 10 min in the morning (was supposed to be 15, meeting ran long), 15 in the afternoon (was supposed to be 30 but the teacher who made the scheduled goofed and no one was available to cover a 30 min block, so me and another teacher split it), and 15 min in the afternoon (again was supposed to be 30 but the teachers supposed to take over my duty showed up 15 min late because her class had run long).

And that’s the end of a week of days just like that - only one day this week did I have a normal off duty schedule, and three times during the week I was on duty for 2 hours non stop in the afternoon (a shift that is not coveted!)

Whether normal or crunch time, I am on my feet all day. My legs ache so much at the end of the day. I look after really young kids who need a lot of supervision, and if I so much as look away to sneeze at the wrong time, it could spell disaster. It’s really hard sometimes. I joke that right now I’m working harder at this job than at any other yet getting paid the least of any job I’ve had - but it’s not really a joke. That is the situation. In spite of that, I like this job soooo much more than my others. I am an involved teacher and have a close daily relationship with all my kids. I love that I’m the one who can calm them down. I love joking and playing with them. I love planning our activities and lessons. If you asked me even a couple years ago whether I’d ever want to teach this age long term, I’d have said no. Now, I’m finding it so fulfilling every day.

As you might imagine, I work overtime a lot. TBH, I should be doing it even more, for better quality. But I also have 1.5 hour commute that is sometimes 2 hours especially in the evening, and I tend to pass out after dinner so. I find it difficult to feel like I’m not already working really hard. But there’s always something left to do. It drives me crazy. I worried that it was just me, but my coworkers as well are feeling this way.

We were told that we were going to get a new teacher to help with the burden. They were supposed to come in September... then October... now it’s mid-Sep and we have heard absolutely nothing. They should be showing up for training if they’re going to start in October. We area all extremely skeptical. My personal take is, the company didn’t budget for hiring new teachers during the year at all... we have another teacher going on maternity leave so she needs a replacement, and our situation might be tight, but it’s not as impossible as not having a teacher at all. So that’s how things stand at the moment.

So that’s all stressful but mostly exhausting. I feel like the stress is a lot less than it was when I started the job (thank goodness) and that gives me confidence. But what I really need is to cut down on the exhaustion. I want to spend more time with my bf on the weekends but I tend to drag myself out to see him because I’m so tired. I want to go on hikes but my feet hurt every day. I’ve always been a homebody and an introvert so it’s not like I was super active before, but I definitely did more on my own volition, and most of all, I wasn’t so damn tired. (I mean, I’m also not 20 anymore x’D gotta factor that in too...)

Anyway, as bad as I feel sometimes... I also feel like I can’t complain. Because my schedule probably isn’t as bad as some others. For example, my Japanese coworkers are required to work an hour longer than me. I believe they also get paid less (paid less for more work - international teachers in Japan, this is very often the case for your Japanese coworkers! It was like that at my previous job as well. I don’t know what the reason is - they work a lot of overtime too that they don’t get paid for - they do sometimes get sizable bonuses that some say make up for the salary difference but... idk, it’s all sketchy and weird). So if I complain about my salary, it feels selfish, even though the salary I’m getting is barely sustainable for me as someone who lives alone with no dependents. And if I complain about the amount of time I work or the amount of responsibilities I have, there are people with more of both. Even if coworkers would agree with me, I feel like it’s only gonna make me look weak if I voice my complaints.

Things I love about my job - all the things I mentioned before about my students, as well as the fact that my coworkers are upbeat and team players and very helpful. We all support each other a lot. There’s no brow-beating if you have to stay home sick. It sucks - it does - because of being understaffed, but no one talks badly about you like in some other jobs I’ve had here in Japan. We don’t get sick leave, but at least people understand that sickness is a thing that happens. Generally I feel respected and like I can respect my coworkers. And I feel like everyone really cares about the kids and wants to give them a great school experience. We’re not just coasting by. It’s helped me to think a lot about the importance of work culture. I feel encouraged and inspired to do more for my students because others around me are doing the same with theirs. It’s so different from the eikaiwa where no one really gave a damn about anything. (Except the managers, about money.)

That’s why I don’t want to leave. I wish I could go into every detail because there are sooo many other things driving me up the wall every day that seem like they should never have happened or should be high on the to-fix list... but the to-fix list is extremely long. And it means something to me that, in spite of all that, I still like it here and want to stay. Like, that means something’s going very right, in spite of all the wrong.

And adulthood really is just being tired all the time, I think that’s true for all adults unless you’re just really blessed with an abundance of energy. Caffeine is popular for a reason. It is the hardest pill for me to swallow because everyone seems to expect me to have all these interesting things to say and I’m like, “I just work, eat, and sleep... "

We had a part-time worker in the spring who unfortunately quit. While she was there things were sooo much more manageable. Just one part time worker... If my job could just give us that, I would be so much happier. But it seems like asking too much. I wish I had a coworker to talk to and share opinions but I’m worried about that being seen as weak or selfish thing. You never know what they’ll say at a performance review. (Not that we get those. When you can’t afford to hire anyone new, you can’t really afford to fire over small things either.)

Bah!

[kramlabs]

six norms that may be making your family less healthy

via Shane Trotter

What is normal is not normal. The human biology expects sunlight, constant movement, physical novelty, whole, natural foods, close relationships built upon shared purposeful efforts for survival, and a generally slow life pace.

Today it is normal to eat exclusively processed, convenience foods, to remain indoors all day except for trips in our temperature controlled cars, to feel pulled and prodded by constant message alerts, and to sit all day, predominantly with our face in a screen while being passively entertained. Normal is a relative term.

Very few forces are as powerful as the human need to belong. Consequently, we naturally tend towards herd mentality, behaving as the masses do, regardless of personal benefit. In fact, we’ll adopt odd “normal” behaviors without even realizing they directly contradict our desires, or that we could choose not to.

The standard model of life that we’ve been handed has created a devastating global health picture and all signs point to this trend worsening in our youngest generation. Now, more than ever, we must be willing to question what is normal and carve a different path.

Freedom is not just having the ability to behave as we wish, but knowing why we choose those behaviors. Through reflection and education, we truly become free and are then able to craft an environment that pulls our family to health and vitality.

If wondering where to start, I recommend exploring these six norms that may be making your family less healthy.

1. Having “Kid Food” Around

There is a widespread belief that there should be a distinction between kid’s foods and adult foods. I’ll never forget a client telling me how she ate well for most meals, but often found herself snacking on her kid's chips or popping a soda. When I suggested she stop keeping these foods in the house, she responded angrily, “I’m not going to not have chips and sodas for my kids.”

I’ve even seen this in healthy parents who make separate meals for their children so the young ones aren’t subjected to nutritious eating, as if this was a torturous experience. They’ll have roasted chicken, brown rice, and mixed vegetables while making chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, or frozen pizza for the young ones.

We’ve been sold the belief that kids can only eat chicken in nugget form, fish in fried stick form, and that the rest of their diet should come from packaged junk. While it is true that palates have to develop, children have always eaten natural, whole foods.

Fruits, vegetables, meat, seeds, and nuts have been the only available foods for almost all of human history. Roasted vegetables, sweet potatoes, and fish are actually childhood favorites when children aren’t engulfed in a world of Pop Tarts and pudding that only further serves to warp their palate. Without a diet predominantly consisting of whole foods, children are virtually ensured of future struggles with health and eating.

Make it simple. Make meals from foods that could have existed 10,000 years ago and have your children eat what you do. Ice cream and other desserts are wonderful occasional treats, but they should require a special trip, not be an always available temptation.

2. Driving As Your Only Mode of Transportation

For most of human history, human muscle moved us wherever we went. Today locomotion outside of our sanitized home or office environment is typically outsourced to the automobile. We even drive across the work campus or endlessly circle in search of a closer parking spot.

Most people struggle to find time for fitness while neglecting to incorporate normal activity into their everyday life. Why is there a need to drive your kids to school if it is less than a mile away? Why must you drive to work if it is just across town? My daily trip to work only went from 10 to 20 beautiful minutes when I switched to a bike commuting lifestyle.

According to the CDC, 71.6% of Americans over age 20 are overweight. Healthcare costs are unsustainable, and yet we drive when it would be almost as easy to use human muscle.

Help your kids break free of this pattern. What a model it would be to make it standard practice to bike when round trips are 10-miles or less, or to walk to pick your kids up from school until they are old enough to walk home themselves.

Despite modern helicopter norms, this is the goal of parenting: to create self-sufficient people capable of creating a purpose and contributing to something bigger than themselves. As much as it scares us we should want them to have this desire for independence and exploration. It sure beats smartphone addiction.

3. Letting Kids Have a TV in the Bedroom

Our environment is powerful. If cookies are always on a plate in the kitchen, we’ll probably make it a norm to grab one while walking by. Replace that norm with a bowl of fruit or ants on a log (peanut butter and raisins on celery), and our snacking norms change.

Screens are an especially pervasive temptation in the modern world. They bring an infinite number of messages. Nowadays, televisions are the focal point of our homes, constantly beckoning us to sit down and stop conversations. But at least we share the programs. They can provide talking points, mutual laughter, and a communal experience not too much different from the primal experience of fireside stories.

Yet, in a kid’s bedroom, the TV brings no positives and many negatives. It is a constant source of distraction from study, reading, getting out to play, or trying any creative endeavor. It is a pull towards more time in isolation and more ability to avoid dealing with potential family conflicts. Most destructively, it is a recipe for poor sleep.

Adolescents and teens need 8 1/2 to 10 hours of sleep per night but tend to average 7 or less. Absent of this they will be foggy, moody, lacking concentration, and at increased risk for the poor decisions that characterize this age.

Their natural body rhythms pull them towards later hours, but school start times rarely honor that reality. Add extra-curriculars and socializing and it can be very difficult for teens to adopt a healthy sleep schedule. These struggles magnify tenfold when they have a TV in their bedroom, which they’ll inevitably watch from bed.

Dr. Craig Canapari, director of the Yale Pediatric Sleep Center, says that the number one thing you can do to help your kids avoid sleep problems now and into adulthood is, never put a television in their bedroom.

The only rationale I can see for putting a TV in bed is to appease your children, despite their own well-being. You are the parent. Be the parent.

4. Giving Kids Smartphones Without Boundaries

Nothing poses a greater risk to your children than that screen they can walk around with every hour of the day. The phone allows millions of messages to shape unhealthy beliefs and values, it prompts poor posture and sitting, it precludes face-to-face communication and overcoming social fears, and it wraps the mind in a vortex of anxiety and a compulsive need for distraction.

At least with the TV you sit and share a single program with other people. The smartphone isolates and constantly prompts you to search for the next best thing after only a brief superficial scan. Take everything wrong with having a television in the bedroom and multiply that by a trillion with the smartphone.

There is no culprit more responsible for the terrifying state of American physical, mental, and emotional health, particularly in childhood than smartphone ubiquity.

But, what are you gonna do, right? It is the world we live in, right?

Please, parents, piss your children off. Tell them no, not until 8th grade and not without tons of boundaries. Why open Pandora's box too early? I’m sure I sound extreme, but this technology is extreme. While working in schools I’ve watched the lobotomization it renders on a generation and, it isn’t just them.

Parents line the park benches scanning furiously. Grandparents and babysitters take their children to bounce houses at odd hours so they can sit and scan their phones uninterrupted. We’ve all seen tech addiction and we’re all subject to the allure. Unchecked smartphone use is the path to a Wall-E type dystopia.

You can’t pretend smartphones don’t exist and you can’t hide them forever, but you can for a while. I highly recommend checking out the screen use recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatricians and using their Create Your Family Media Plan tool. It is very easy and will prompt you through ideas and nuances you may not have considered.

5. Not Managing Smartphone Alerts

As usual, we should start with our own model. Strong parents make strong kids. More often than not we are constantly pulled away from the moment by email dings, texts, and quick scans that turn into a 10-minute mental mindless scroll. This is only made worse by the Apple watch that now supersedes any phone away boundary to shove messages back in your face. Take that dinner time!

Simple recommendations that can help you take back control of your time and be more present for your family:

Anything urgent should require a call. Go to your settings and silence all texts and email messaging. People will learn this about you and it will recalibrate their sense of what is urgent.

Plan the times you will batch all messaging response.

Plan the times you will use social media, apps, etc. For example, maybe you can batch this to two 30-minute blocks within your day. This takes the negative out and makes the tool work for you.

While doing complex work, turn the phone on airplane mode and focus. You’ll get more done.

After work or as you come to dinner, put the phone on a charger, away from you and your bedroom.

Get an alarm clock. A single function device.

Silence all calls and notifications a couple hours before bed. You can make exceptions for people you mark as favorites. This is quite easy to do actually.

6. Buying Into a Modern Youth Sports Culture

After the smartphone, this is truly the toughest insane norm to tread in the modern world. For most of you reading, youth sports were an amazing, integral part of your upbringing. Here we learned essential social skills, how to work on behalf of a team, and how to practice to improve. We played every sport, building a broad array of physical skills that nurtured a love of moving and play. It’s probably where you first fell in love with training.

Today, these foundational experiences have been completely perverted by conmen looking for easy money and a culture of over the top bulldozer parents, willing to pay any price to convince their child they are the center of the universe. Second graders have “signing days” when their parents pay for them to join the “elite” soccer team.

Third-grade football teams put the kids' name on the back of the jersey and have a “pep-rally” every Friday night before Saturday games. Most disturbingly, at earlier and earlier ages, coaches try to convince players they are falling way behind without ridiculous travel, specialization, and expensive skills coaches.

Elementary school kids will have multiple evening practices per week, late games, and long Saturday tournaments. Family time evaporates under the guise that this is what you have to do. By middle school baseball and volleyball parents have conceded their wallets and their summer to travel ball. The family no longer has the option to vacation other than 1,000-mile trips to play athletes just like the ones in their own city.

Clearly, this is an article unto itself. The biggest take-home message is:

This is not the best way to build athletes. Athletic participation is way down, meaning our talent pool is smaller and more kids miss out on these vital experiences. Furthermore, as detailed in the Long Term Athletic Development model, optimal athleticism follows age-appropriate, balanced exposure to sports.

Youth sports should not be expensive and should not be all-encompassing. All the kids want to do is play the game with their friends. Remember that? We’d just go play sports with our friends without coaches or parents and we grew up doing it. Or, we’d go outside and play catch with mom and dad.

Resist the urge to follow the masses into this crazy debt trap. Youth sports can be an amazing experience, but they shouldn’t be the only experiences. How you spend your time matters. Family dinner matters. Family vacation matters.

“It’s no sign of health to be well adjusted to a sick society.”

Krishnamurti

As usual, any broad rambling list will be full of prescriptions that don’t accommodate or appreciate your unique constraints and needs. There are major exceptions to nearly every point I’ve made, but I will stand by the underlying principles. Our standard model is a cultural conveyor belt towards poor health and dissatisfaction.

The best thing we can do is have the courage to buck the norms and live authentically, pursuing a path we earnestly believe in. This will take strength and require you to be counter-cultural. Your efforts matter. Strong parents make strong kids.

This Week’s Mission

Apply any of the suggestions from these six unhealthy norms. If you are unsure where to start, create a family media use plan. Having boundaries tends to offer a great deal of freedom. Without them, we are constantly pulled and prodded, controlled by a constant flood of habit-inducing notifications.

http://breakingmuscle.com/fitness/6-unhealthy-norms-plaguing-us-all

more:

http://breakingmuscle.com/coaches/shane-trotter

[pbjpuppy]

do every oc question but with horsepower PLEASE

DUDE I WAS SO HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK ABT HER IM SO EXCITED

THIS IS SO LONG SO I’M PUTTING A READMORE

1. Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who’s the favorite?

SHE does Not surprisingly!! BUT similarly to Giovanni with his kids, Serene is always sleeping next to her bc she’s Warm and Soft so it’s like, kinda the same thing 

She IS the type to love sleeping with a ton of pillows though

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

Horsie doesn’t have the world’s greenest thumb but she could probably keep a houseplant alive!! She likes nature a lot she’s just not stellar at gardening

She would be REALLY GOOD with a pet though that animal would THRIVE and she’d be the type to take like 400 pictures of her pet and spam everyone with them like “Look at this Fucking Angel” 

And she’s DEFINITELY GOOD W KIDS seeing as she’s basically raising Serene!! Serene can testify that she’s the Best babysitter (even if she accidentially taught Serene like. 20 separate curse words gdgjdsk) 

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

OOH FUN DIALOGUE

“Um, she’s.. REALLY pretty. Like, really fuckin’ pretty. I think she made me like, 17% more lesbian the first time I saw her. And like, we’ve known each other for a long time and we know each other’s secrets n’ stuff… ahahah, that came out really weird! I just mean we’re good friends, y’know? Hah. Anyway, she’s a bad bitch, I’d die for her. Love her.”

Her love interest is actually a character named Destiny who I havent drawn yet!!

4. Do they look good in red?

I think she could pull it off bc red is in her color scheme but also like.. there’s already so much warm colors!! I think she looks the best in gray or black tbh (like imagine her in a black suit or something she’d look SNAZZY)

5. Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Will they give one, and what about?

“HHuuh WHAT AM I S’POSED TO TALK ABOUT? Fuck. Uh. Respect lesbians.” Mic drop

6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?

She’ll ALWAYS take advice from her friends, especially Destiny, bc she trusts them to know when she’s being too hot-headed or rash- There’s a character in her friend group who hasn’t got a name yet but he’s REALLY good at giving advice!!

She will NEVER take advice from her old rival Lockjaw, and she shouldn’t- he’s always out to sabotage her somehow and plays dirty a lot of the time, and he’s known to be a huge liar (Plus they just hate each other)

7. Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.

My three words: Fiery, protective, loving!!

Her three words: “Uh.. Gay. Handsome. Wait, scratch that. Gay, HOT, optimist.”

8. Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

She WANTS to be intrigued but she just gets frustrated and crumples up the paper after a few minutes if it’s not a super easy riddle sjhsjf she knows by now that it’s just Not Worth It

9. Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books…)?

She only usually does with like people (or I guess furry)-shaped objects like stuffed animals and dolls, and even then not to an extreme degree- it’s really Serene who has the EXTREME empathy and empathizes with everything!!

10. What age do they most want to be right now?

THIS IS SUCH AN INTERESTING QUESTION she misses being a kid like Serene is a lot, but she’s pretty happy where she is- she’s in a better place than she has been for a long time at the current point of her story! If anything, she wishes she could go back and tell her middle/high school self that things are gonna be okay

11. They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save?

She’d SAY she’s gonna save it and REALLY try but she wouldn’t be able to resist splurging on some really cool stuff bc COME ON she won the LOTTERY!! She’d also wanna buy gifts for the Monster family because she wants to thank them for how generous they’ve been to her so it’s really very wholesome 

12. Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they’re in)?

She doesn’t READ that’s for NERDS

JUST KIDDIN but nah she’s not really one for “mushy stuff” and prefers action/adventure stories!! She’s also a fan of mysteries and anything that’s not Painfully Heterosexual 

13. Name one thing their parents taught them.

Her parents weren’t the best, but they did teach her very good manners- she did go through a BIG rebel phase where she definitely was Not as polite, but overall her politeness and natural charisma really help her out in social situations (especially when she has to get favors from people and stuff)

14. Would they agree with the term ‘guilty pleasure’? Do they have any?

I think she’d agree with the term in a general sense!! I’m not sure exactly what guilty pleasures she has, probably just the fact that she can be kind of a thrill-seeker and take unnecessary risks- not involving Serene though ofc

15. What would they consider a waste of time– other than school or work?

The first thing that came to mind is that she considers arguing with people you KNOW aren’t gonna change their mind to be a waste of time- Especially when it comes to social justice type issues she knows not to waste her energy on people who just won’t listen (but she’s argumentative by nature and usually ends up doing it against her better judgement)

16. If money wasn’t a limit, what would they wear?

LEATHER JACKETS AND COOL BOOTS AND SUCH!! She’d also wanna buy a bunch of cool pins to put on said jacket (And she’d probably have to get it tailored bc of her wings too which would also be money..) She would also probably get some kind of cool patterned horseshoes!!

17. Do they like children?

Yes she DOES and Serene is her favorite (Even though she calls her a booger)

19. Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews?

NOPE she usually dives into most things headfirst, which can be VERY UNWISE but she feels like it keeps her brain clear to not stress about stuff beforehand  

20. What do they like that nobody else does?

HMM… I don’t really have an answer for this one tbh!! I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, the only thing that I can think of is that she likes waking up REALLY early and the smell of smoke, but lots of people also like those things

21. What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw?

She’s actually really bad at getting out of situations like that, like if she’s in a relationship she’s not happy in she’s bad at getting herself out of it- but probably something that really make her realize she needs to get outta there would be if the other person seriously hurt her on purpose 

22. Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What’s their go-to?

She LOVES pet names and calls EVERYONE pet names (unless they’re not comfortable ofc)!! Nicknames are kinda hard to make from “Horsepower” so a lot of the time she’s given weird affectionate pet names instead, it’s somthing that she’s kinda known for

DEFINITELY her go-to pet name is “babe”, she calls almost everyone that and I like to imagine that it’s very soothing bc she has a lovely deep voice.. other go-to pet names are baby, hon and love!! She has a lot of personal nicknames/pet names for individual people though 

Tbh she only really refers to someone as their full name if she doesn’t know them or if she’s mad at them shfshf

23. Stability or novelty?

Novelty!! Stability is important to her but she gets bored and anxious if she’s stuck in the same routine for too long, that’s why she likes taking care of Serene bc Serene is ALWAYS doing new things

24. Honesty or charity?

Ooh that’s difficult… Once again both are important values to her, but I’m gonna go with honesty- she’s a very (bluntly) honest person

25. Safety or possibility?

Possibility!! As established before she’s kinda a daredevil she doesn't care about SAFETY (unless it’s anyone else but her doing it then she’s gonna lecture them)

26. Talent or effort?

Effort!! She is EXTREMELY passionate and such an overachiever about everything shkfskh it’s like Hey Horsepower Can You Do This Simple Task For Me and she’s like Oh You Wanted Me To Change The World? I’ll Do That

27. Forgiveness or vengeance (or…)?

Definitely vengeance she holds grudges REALLY BAD and as kind as she tries to be if someone who hurt her or her friends gets hurt… she can’t help being satisfied

30. What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

OH THATS A HEAVY QUESTION since she holds grudges so bad she’s probably try to get revenge on Lockjaw for all the grief he’s caused her over the years, if she knew she’d be off the hook she’d get really nasty about it bc her anger at him has just been Boiling for years 

WOW THAT TOOK A WHILE BUT IT WAS SO EXTREMELY FUN THANK U SO MUCH FOR ASKING!!! I’ll do the other one tomorrow bc I need to go to BED 

Also I did cut out a few questions!! I either didn’t wanna answer them or I had answered them before 

[fingersinhisass]

alphonse. d. do all of the questions for alphonse, whom I love and would die for.

with pleasure my dear

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

ok i had to dig WAAAAAY fucking back in my texts to find this bc i can’t fucking remember it but. his birth name is laermeluion (lyre-mehl-wee-on) aeralinde, when he was in the mafia he went by horthien, and now his full name is just. alphonse mcallister. laermeluion means “man with a sweet song”, horthien means “quick”, and he just chose his current name bc he liked that it sounded human.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

not currently. pretty sure he gets a title when he marries shaelle but?? i can’t remember what it is

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

he grew up very very poor and he never actually had any proper schooling but his momma loved him to death and did the best she could to give him a good childhood, so he was generally a pretty happy kid. his best memories are of playing in the neighborhood and getting up to trouble with the other kids, and then of his mom singing him lullabies in elvish. a bad memory is when one of his best friends fell off the top of some scaffolding at a construction site their little gang was playing at and basically bashed his skull in. the kid was in a coma for a week before he finally died and it was al’s first real experience with death.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

he has an extremely close relationship with his mom. his dad, not so much. the guy wasn’t exactly a great father and they didn’t hate each other or anything, but he was always distant towards his son. he just didn’t really know how to be a dad. a good memory with his mom is cooking vegetable soup on a rainy day. the sound of the rain on their thin roof, the warm aroma from the pot, her graying hair tied up and falling out of its bun. her worn, elegant hands chopping onions. a bad memory is the fight they got into when she found out he was fucking around with the mafia. she didn’t want that for her son. a good memory with his dad was just. sitting by the stove (they didn’t have a fire) in silence together?? alphonse on the dirt floor playing with something and his dad dozing off in his battered old armchair. sometimes he’d let him sit on his lap when he was younger, but that became less and less frequent the bigger he got. a bad memory is of getting in trouble for busting a neighbor’s window when he was around twelve – his dad dragged him inside by the collar and smacked him across the face and told him he needed to stop messing around and start pulling his weight if he ever wanted to get anywhere in life. 

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

this one is easy ‘cause he doesn’t have any siblings! he’s an only child

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

uhhh he never actually went to school??? he just did the police academy and became a policeman, then got promoted to detective. does that count

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

he did, he rolled with a big gang of kids that all lived on the same street. unfortunately a lot of them are either part of the mafia, dead, or have no idea he still exists, so.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

no pets as a kid, and none as an adult either. he likes animals but he’s too busy to properly keep one.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

dogs love him because they can sense a kindred lovable idiot spirit in him

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/etc?

he ADORES children, and i think kids generally like him pretty well too. he’s fun and patient, if not a little overprotective and worrying sometimes.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

nope

12. What is their favorite food?

soup!!!

13. What is their least favorite food?

i know i answered this in another ask but i. i can’t remember. oops

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

all of his memories of food are associated with his mother. at least all of the happy ones.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

he’s actually pretty good at cooking, i think. he inherited it from his mom. they like to cook together when he comes to visit and vice versa. he probably also cooks for shaelle sometimes because it’s one of the ways he shows his affection – he’ll spend hours in the kitchen humming and whistling and bustling around. he would 100% wear an apron that says kiss the cook

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

neckties and pocket squares babey. he wears those and looks dapper as hell, and when he’s not wearing them they’re in his wardrobe, meticulously organized.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

he would probably take lots of candids of shaelle because he thinks she’s gorgeous all the time, but also plenty of stupid selfies. that being said, i don’t think he shares any of them. he’s a deceptively private person.

18. What’s their favorite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games, and anything else?

romance novels and poetry are his weakness in life. he likes pretty much all music?? and i think if they had tv in fantasyland he’d watch soap operas religiously.

19. What’s their least favorite genres?

he’s not a fan of non-fiction.

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when their favorite song comes on?

he likes music but can’t actually play anything – he can sing alright, but he’s no bard. mostly he whistles. if he hears a song he really likes he’d probably try to get someone to dance with him.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

he does have a temper, although that’s not usually the first thing that comes to mind. he can be very patient in certain situations and completely without patience in others – he particularly can’t stand assholes or situations he deems injust. when he REALLY loses his temper, he’s genuinely frightening. all of his intensity gets focused into his rage and it’s. it’s scary.

22. What are their favorite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

any curse will do. asshole, douchebag, motherfucker, etc. if he doesn’t like you, he will tell you straight to your face. and he won’t be gentle about it either.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

he’s got a surprisingly good memory, considering he’s not all that bright. it’s usually his attention span that’s lacking, although when he hyperfocuses he HYPERFOCUSES. he’s better with faces than names, i think. he doesn’t forget people’s faces.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

uh, terrible. he’s bad at sleeping. he likes to sleep on a soft mattress.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humor? Are they funny themselves?

crude humor, not gonna lie. dick jokes will get him. but again, not in polite company. he has manners. he’s an easy laugher, though, and he’s funny but usually it’s because he’s stupid.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

he’s all smiles when he’s happy, and very bouncy and bright. he whistles like nobody’s business.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like when they’re sad?

sometimes he feels utterly hopeless. it’s difficult sometimes working on his cases, especially when they’re hasn’t been a lead in a while, and nothing seems to be going anywhere. he’s a quiet crier. he usually only cries in the privacy of his own home. when he’s sad, it’s like all the light has gone out of him. he’s a muted version of himself.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

his biggest fear is being recognized for who he was, or for the monster he thinks he is. in general he’s afraid of spiders and heights. when he’s truly afraid he’ll get tense and serious and fidgety.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very overprotective? 

it depends on the fear. if it’s something he thinks is irrational then he can be less than helpful – he’ll just bluntly tell them that it’s stupid, because he genuinely doesn’t understand why they’re afraid of it. but if it’s something very serious, like fear of failure or death, something he can relate to, then he’s much more soothing and supportive.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

if you count running around the city on foot for investigations as exercise, then yes. otherwise he doesn’t really have the time for it.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

he doesn’t drink very often, and it’s usually only a glass or so of something. he doesn’t like to get drunk. but when he is drunk he’s very sappy and romantic and tends to wax poetic about nothing in particular. hungover he’s snappy and irritable. he finds other people amusing when they’re drunk or hungover, but he’ll help them out.

32. What do they dress like? What sort of shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

he dresses very smartly. three piece suit, tie, pocket square, overcoat, shiny black shoes. he generally buys clothes from a tailor – he makes enough money to be able to as long as he keeps his pieces relatively inexpensive. he loves the clothes he wears. if he actually gets the chance to get ready for bed, he wears a button-down pajama shirt and matching pants in a smooth, satiny material. otherwise he sleeps in the clothes he was wearing already. he doesn’t need to wear makeup and doesn’t really have any interest in it. his hair is neatly groomed and styled. he puts a lot of weight on appearance.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

whatever fantasy underwear??? but probably just briefs. although i can definitely see him wearing lingerie. but. not every day.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

he’s lean, athletic, with a trim waist and shoulders a bit on the wider side. angular but elegant. 5′11, tall for an elf. he doesn’t really care about his body either way?? he has other, more pressing reasons to feel bad about himself

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

trashy romance novels. expensive tobacco.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

he’s surprisingly eloquent, especially with the written word. he’s also just very good with people. when he wants to be, anyway. he likes reading, writing, going to see live music, dancing, long walks in the park, and memorizing monologues and poetry. someday that’ll come in handy when he gets to make that grand declaration of love he’s been dreaming of for decades. does blowing smoke rings count as a talent? he can carry a tune, but he’s not a singer by trade. he’s got a nice voice, though.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fiction or nonfiction?

he very much likes to read, but i think he’s a pretty slow reader since he didn’t go to school. his mom taught him how to read and write. he loves poetry and fiction.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

he admires dedication, steadfastness, bravery, expressiveness. he wishes he could play an instrument.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

he loves letters. i think even out of the fantasy world he still sends letters on his personalized, scented stationery. 

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

he drinks coffee for work, and he’s got a bit of a sweet tooth. he likes lemon desserts.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

probably pansexual??? he finds it attractive when people speak their mind or get passionate about something, and he’s also drawn to talent and intelligence. he likes muscles and, well. he’s a boobs guy. and hips and thighs. he likes the kind of relationship that burns intensely for a while and then fades into something more comfortable and warm. he very much likes spoiling his partner.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

his goal at this point is just to continue doing as much good as he can while working as a detective. he would sacrifice anything for his mother and his few friends. and for most people, really. he’s very self-sacrificing. he just wants to be able to as much as possible make up for the terrible things he did by doing good instead.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

he’s not religious, and i don’t think he cares much either way. it’s not really something he thinks about, unless someone uses their religion or lack of religion to justify something he thinks is shitty. then he classifies them as an asshole.

44. What is their favorite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

summer, blue skies and warm nights. he’s much more tolerant of the heat than the cold. he absolutely complains about being cold.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

people find him charming, or an idiot, or both. a lot of people see him as a good person, i think, which is completely at odds with how he sees himself.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

this one really depends. usually yes, he does make a good first impression, and one that reflects him accurately. that’s when he’s very polite and charming and kind. if he’s decided he doesn’t like someone, however, like shaelle’s boyfriend cam (i think that was his name lmao), he comes across as a total dick. because he acts like a dick.

47. How do they act on a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

al loves formal events and loves the excuse to dress up, but he hates snooty rich people. so it’s a bit of a toss-up for him. at the very least he gets to dance and enjoy free food and piss off some nobles, so yeah, i’d say he likes formal events.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organize the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

he loves dances. usually he just shows up, and dances with as many partners as he can, and is the absolute belle of the ball. if he didn’t want to go, then it’s a different story – it’s probably a party for nobles if he doesn’t want to go. but if it’s shaelle who’s making him go then he’ll behave because he loves her.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

a brooch that his mother gave him when he turned sixteen (in elf years, not human years). it’s one of the few beautiful things she ever owned, and he cherishes it and occasionally wears it on his lapel if he feels the need for a little extra luck and support. he’s very sentimental. he takes his pipe everywhere with him, and that’s half because he’s so attached to it and half because he’s got a nicotine addiction. oops.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them, what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

at least five different neckties to go with one suit, his pipe, the brooch, his favorite book of poetry.