#i have to get my blood drawn on friday so they can check it and see if theres any indicators there

[vorareromantic]

if my body decides at any point that it wants to work the way it was designed to that would be totally fine by me

[hungermakesmonsters]

(Once Bitten) Twice Shy

Chapter Four

Plot summary : Desperate to get away from your controlling family, you take a job in New York as a wealthy vampire's blood source. A million dollars awaits if you can make it through a year, but life with Billy Russo is not going to be as simple as you think.

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : R  Chapter Rating : PG

Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] Nothing of note this chapter, except a moment of sickeningly awkward cuteness (I'm so sorry). All chapters will contain mentions of blood. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story. 

Word Count : 4.8k

A/N : The aftermath of last chapter. Tumblr is still only letting me tag five people at a time, so tags will be in comments again.

CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE

Chapter Four

You woke to find yourself on the sofa, covered with a blanket, alone and with only a vague recollection of what had happened the night before. Your hand had been bandaged and you felt worse than ever. The room was spinning, your head pounding, and finally you understood why; blood loss. You’d drawn blood and, then, you’d let him drink from you; it had been too much and you’d lost consciousness.

It took a moment more for you to remember everything else that had happened; how he’d pressed his body to yours, how he’d kissed you, and how you’d - oh god, your boss had made you come. 

Panic washed over you for a second, your hand reaching between your thighs, terrified that something had happened after you passed out. No. You breathed a sigh of relief and found yourself feeling silly for even thinking that Billy would do something like that. From what little you knew of him, you didn’t think he was capable of that.

Despite being completely alone, you pulled the blanket up, hiding your face and your embarrassment. You closed your eyes and all you could see was his face, blood covered lips and dark eyes filled with hunger - and not just hunger for blood.

You remembered his lips on your neck, the scrape of teeth - fangs - as you came. Gingerly, you ran your fingers over your skin, searching for puncture marks but, thankfully, found none. 

As much as you wanted to move, to go back to your bedroom, you were too exhausted and, soon enough, you ended up falling asleep again. 

Hours must have passed and you certainly felt better for it when you finally opened your eyes again.

At some point a bottle of water and a note had been left on the floor next to the sofa, though you couldn’t say if they’d been there the whole time or if he’d placed them there after you’d fallen asleep again.

You decided to start with the water, taking a slow drink to steady your nerves before reading the note. It was impossible to stop your mind from going into overdrive, from thinking of all the things that the note might contain; was he going to fire you for your unprofessional behaviour, was he angry that you broke the rule about being in the penthouse after 9pm?

Your fingers shook as you unfolded the note and started to read.

I want to apologise for my behaviour last night, it was unacceptable and I understand if you want to terminate your contract because of it. If you want to leave, please let Lissa know and she will retrieve your things from storage. If you choose to stay, you will have the next couple of days to yourself to recover. I’ll be gone until Friday and won’t need blood before then. 

Whatever you decide, I’ve arranged for my friend Karen to visit you tomorrow and, if you still want to, you have permission to go out with her for the day. If you want to leave, she will help you with whatever you need to do so. Please take care of yourself.

Billy.

You read and reread the note, trying to figure out what he wanted from you. The note felt so detached, almost like he was assuming you’d want to leave. 

(Did you? Was that really what you wanted?)

You read it again before sitting up, noticing the dried blood on your pyjamas. Common sense told you to leave, to get your things and get out of there as quickly as possible. Last night had been stupid and reckless, you’d done the one thing you’d promised yourself you’d never do; you’d let a vampire drink directly from you.

Okay, so he hadn’t bitten you, but what was to say that next time he wouldn’t? But, by the same logic, what was to say that he would? He could have done anything he wanted to you, but he hadn’t. And what he had done you’d allowed. No, you’d been an active participant. You’d enjoyed it. (Who were you trying to kid? You’d wanted it.) He’d told you to stay away and you’d ignored him. It had been your choice to feed him, your choice to let him kiss you, even though you knew he wasn’t in his right mind.

Embarrassed as you were, some part of you had wanted what had happened last night and, now, you had to live with the consequences. 

You read the note one last time. Please take care of yourself, you weren’t sure if those five little words made it better or worse. He always seemed so concerned with how fragile you were, and you still weren’t sure if it came from a place of caring or of liability, but it felt like he was staying away from his own home because of you.

No, you quickly decided, you didn’t want to leave. You couldn’t. You needed the money and last night was as much your fault as Billy’s. 

Staying was still far better than the alternative.

Eventually you managed to get up and move to your rooms, grabbing yourself a bowl of cereal on the way to bed. You put the TV on, but more for background noise than anything and spent the rest of the day dozing, only getting up to get more cereal.

Instead of thinking about what had happened, you started thinking about tomorrow, about finally being able to go outside and see some of New York City. What would his friend Karen be like? Would she be able to tell you anything about Billy? Finally, you had something to look forward to, even though you were worried that Billy had only arranged it out of guilt.

You felt much better the next day when you woke up, in part because you were excited to finally go outside and see some of the city but, also, because you were looking forward to meeting Billy’s friend and having someone new to talk to. The weather outside looked cold and wet, so you dressed accordingly, pulling a lovely blue jacket and pair of boots from your wardrobe to put on over your jeans and blouse.

Just before midday, you heard someone calling your name, and you quickly went out to greet them. She had stunning red hair and skin so pale you might have thought she was a vampire if you weren’t about to go out in daylight with her. It was enough to make you pause, to make you wonder how she knew Billy, an odd twinge of jealousy filling you for a second.

“Hi, I’m Karen,” she smiled and held out her hand. You took it and introduced yourself properly, even though she already knew your name. “Oh, what happened to your hand?”

Your cheeks warmed a fraction, looking down at your bandaged hand for a second. “I caught it taking some cookies out of the oven.”

“Ouch,” Karen winced sympathetically, seeming to buy the lie. “Billy said you wanted to go for coffee?”

“Yeah, that’d be great,” you answered, feeling overcome with relief the moment you stepped into the elevator.

“You got any place in mind?” Karen asked, subtly looking you up and down like she was trying to get a measure of you.

“I - I don’t know. This is my first time in New York, I don’t really know where anything is.” 

“And this is the first time he’s let you outside,” she stated.

For a second you looked at her, confused, wondering how much she knew, how much she was supposed to know. Lissa had told you that Billy valued his privacy and you weren’t sure what you were supposed to say in this situation. The uncomfortable look on your face must have been enough to tip Karen off that you didn’t know how to answer.

“He has his reasons,” she started again as the elevator arrived on the ground floor and you stepped out, “I know it probably doesn’t seem like it right now, but he is trying to look out for you.”

“How do you know him?” You asked.

“I met him through his best friend when we started dating.”

“Oh. And is he...?” You left the question unfinished, not sure if it was polite to ask.

“A vampire?” She smiled the sort of carefree smile that you couldn’t help feel envious of, like she didn’t care what anyone thought of her. “Yes, he is.”

Stepping out onto the street, you couldn’t help but stop for a moment, turning your eyes skyward and taking a deep breath. It took a second for your eyes to get used to natural light and, all the while, Karen stood watching you.

“How long has it been?” Her question pulled you back to the moment.

“A couple of weeks, I think?” You tried to remember, but you’d lost track of how long exactly it had been after the first week. However long it had been, it wasn’t really long enough to warrant that sort of reaction from you. Your cheeks warmed a fraction as you looked at Karen. “I’m not really used to being cooped up indoors all the time.”

Karen just nodded, waiting a beat before starting to walk. You fell into step beside her, your eyes taking in the sights of New York. You had no idea where she was leading you but you didn’t care. You were finally seeing the city and you couldn’t be happier.

Less than five minutes later, you found yourself in a little coffee shop, looking at the pastries and cakes on offer before you realised something.

“I don’t have any money,” you told Karen, your cheeks turning red, an uncomfortable sense of shame filling you.

It hadn’t even crossed your mind; you always had a purse with you or your phone, but Lissa had taken them and you weren’t going to be paid until you’d completed a year in Mr Russo’s service. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Karen replied, starting to fumble around with her purse before pulling out a black credit card and handing it to you. “Billy asked me to give you this for anything you need.”

The card had your name embossed on it but there was nothing else to indicate - well, anything at all. You didn’t know if it was a prepaid card or if it had a limit, and there was no way of telling where the money would be coming from.

“The PIN is your birth year,” Karen continued, though she seemed more interested in eyeing the food selection than she was in you.

After a moment more, you decided that you’d ask Billy about it when you next saw him (assuming you ever saw him again, after the other night). You choose modestly, not wanting to spend too much on a card that wasn’t yours and that you couldn’t control. For all you knew, you were spending Billy’s money and the last thing you wanted to do was take advantage of this gesture of kindness.

And that was something Karen did notice, watching you from the corner of her eye with a somewhat bemused expression on her face as you calculated just how much money you’d be spending getting a drink, a panini, and a muffin. Then, you held your breath as you used the card for the first time, preparing yourself for the embarrassment of it being declined.  It wasn’t. You breathed a sigh of relief before following Karen to a little table by the window.

Your eyes were fixed on the street outside, watching as it started to rain, but you could feel her eyes on you.

“You’re not like the others,” she finally broke the silence. 

“What were they like?” You asked with a healthy degree of caution, still not knowing what the rules were and what you were allowed to talk to her about. “Lissa said that they disappointed Mr Russo?”

She sat back, biting her lip and trying to suppress a smile. You couldn’t tell what part of it she found amusing and you didn’t want to ask.

“Disappointed is one word for it, I guess?” she took a breath, obviously composing her thoughts before continuing. “Did you know that you’re the first one he didn’t interview himself?”

You shook your head; you’d applied for the job by email and had spoken to someone (you now assumed to be Lissa) very briefly over the phone. In retrospect, it seemed strange given the amount of money that was at stake.

Unless he didn’t bother because he assumed you’d disappoint him like the others…

“The problem with Billy - with the whole job, really - is that it usually attracts a... certain sort of person. Most of them have only been interested in the money and spending a year living in the lap of luxury. The others are...” she fell silent, smiling as the barista brought your toasted paninis over and, when you were alone again, she looked like she really didn’t want to finish her thought.

“The others are...?” You prompted cautiously.

“They’re the sort of people who want more from the arrangement than Billy is prepared to give,” she answered and, when you obviously didn’t catch her meaning, she continued. “Billy is a very rich man and he’s going to live forever. A lot of people find both of those prospects very attractive.”

“They want him to...” you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words, a lump stuck in your throat at the thought. Karen nodded. “And you’ve done this before? Gone for coffee with... someone like me?”

“Not quite like this, but I did spend time with some of them.”

“What do you mean not quite like this?” 

She paused half way through lifting her cup to her lips and, for a second you could have sworn she winced. Still, she took a drink and didn’t try to answer until her mug was back on the table again.

“His rules weren’t always so strict.” Her head shook. “Look, it’s not my place to tell you any of this. Billy has his reasons for why things are the way they are; it’s to protect you as much as it’s to protect him.”

You opened your mouth to ask more questions but no words came out. Ultimately, it didn’t matter how or why the rules had changed because you’d agreed to them. You’d agreed to the job and you needed the money, so the last thing you wanted to do was get Karen in trouble and maybe jeopardise future outings like this.

“Thank you,” you told her, then quickly clarified; “for telling me.”

Karen smiled, considering her words for a moment. “Billy is a friend, but trust me when I tell you that if I didn’t believe what he was doing was necessary, I would have told him so.”

“It’s okay,” you conceded quietly, shrugging, “I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to do this.”

You turned your attention to your food, cautiously picking up your panini, trying not to burn yourself on the molten cheese that was leaking out the side as you took a bite. It was heavenly; toasted just the right amount, the cheese was sharp, and the tuna -

You dropped the panini back to your plate, horrified with yourself.

No. No-no-no. How could you have been so stupid? You felt your chest tighten a fraction, your stomach tying itself in knots. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Karen asked, obviously concerned.

“Tuna,” you stated, your voice breaking. “I’m not supposed to eat tuna. It’s on the list. He’s going to -”

“Whoa-whoa, back up. What list?”

“The list of things I’m not supposed to eat,” you tried to explain, unable to conceal the panic from your voice. 

This wasn’t you - you didn’t break rules, you always tried to stay in line - and, now, you’d messed up. All you could think was that you were going to lose the job, that Billy would kick you out and you’d have no choice but to go home. You were going to end up back where you started all because of a stupid toasted sandwich.

“Hey-hey, calm down, it’s okay,” Karen tried to settle you.

“You don’t understand I can’t lose this job.”

“You won’t,” she reached across the table, taking your hand in hers, “if Billy finds out, we’ll tell him it was my fault, okay?”

“But -”

“No, buts. Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise.”

You didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to explain the panic that was clawing beneath your ribs. You’d been raised to be good, to be decent, to follow the rules and not cause problems. You’d been raised to fear consequences and, even though you were far from home, that mindset was difficult to escape.

“Here,” she offered, sliding her plate towards you, “we can swap, I got ham and cheese. You only had one bite, Billy will never know.”

It was like she understood, like she could tell just by looking at you how desperately you needed to keep the job - not just because of the money on offer but because you had nothing and nowhere else to go without it. 

Taking the offered plate, you ate slowly, quietly. From time to time, you’d catch her looking at you, concern on her face. Conversation that followed was stilted and awkward as you picked apart your muffin until it was gone. And, once your mug was empty, the outing was over.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay longer,” she apologised as you started back towards the penthouse. “I’ll make more time next week; we can spend a whole afternoon doing whatever you want. We’ll make it a regular thing, every Thursday.”

Agreeing, you thanked her as she rode the elevator back up to the penthouse with you, making sure you were okay before leaving you with the promise of seeing you again next week.

It was strange to know that you were completely alone in the penthouse for another day but, after the incident with the panini, you were very deliberate when it came to the rules. You sat on the sofa until just before 9pm, watching the cloudy sky slowly darken and give way to night before returning to your rooms, even though no one would have known if you’d stayed in the penthouse longer.

That night you laid in bed thinking about Billy - or, rather, you thought about what it was going to be like to see him again after what had happened. Was he as embarrassed by it all as you were? Did Billy Russo even get embarrassed? Maybe it would be better for the both of you if you just pretended that it never happened.

Friday passed in a blur. Every time you heard a noise in the penthouse, you would creep to the door to your quarters and press your ear against it, trying to hear if he was back. Of course, some part of you understood how ridiculous you were being; Billy was so light on his feet that you’d never be able to hear him. But, still, time and time again you found yourself pressed against the door.

After drawing blood, you moved across the penthouse as quietly as you could, looking for signs that he was home and finding none. Once you reached the kitchen and placed the blood in the fridge, you allowed yourself a sigh of relief before turning and -

There he was.

Standing between you and your rooms, a look on his face that you couldn’t decipher.

For a second your lips parted, wanting to say something, but the words just wouldn’t come. Your cheeks started to warm and the silence dragged on for at least ten seconds. Billy looked uncertain, so uncomfortable in your presence. His normally calm and collected demeanour was gone, replaced with a look that made you feel unsettled, guilty even. More than that, you couldn’t help but notice how tired he looked - you hadn’t even realised that vampires could look tired before now.

“You decided to stay,” part-statement, part-question. All you could do was nod, letting your feet carry you a couple of steps closer to him. “I’m glad. I didn’t think you would.”

“I want to stay,” you offered quietly, breathing slowly, trying to keep your heart from racing.

“I’m sorry for the other night. I never wanted you to see me like that,” he said, standing a little taller and seeming to regain some of his usual composure. “It won’t happen again. I never wanted to make you feel unsafe here.”

“You didn’t,” your voice still small as you struggled to find a way to describe any of the things you were feeling right now. “You told me to stay away and I didn’t listen, and I didn’t ask you to stop when I should have. But I just...” you trailed off, not sure how to say the next part.

“What?” He prompted softly, his attention entirely fixed on you.

“I need to make it clear; just because you’re paying me, it doesn’t mean you’re entitled to -”

“I would never think that I’m entitled to fuck you just because I’m paying you,” he interrupted, just as offended by the notion as you were. “Anything that happens here only happens with your consent.”

Did that mean it could happen again if you wanted it to? You didn’t dare voice the question, instead you just nodded.

His gaze dropped awkwardly and yours followed it, noticing something tightly gripped in his hands. A stuffed toy. Before you could ask, Billy had cleared the distance between you, holding out the toy to you. After a moment of confused hesitation, you took it, frowning first at the toy then him.

“When you said you were lonely, you mentioned a dog and I -” he let out an uncomfortable huff of laughter, “- well, obviously I can’t let you have a real dog here but I thought - I hoped - maybe this would help.”

Your gaze dropped to the stuffed toy in your hand, shaped like a beagle with floppy ears and a little pink tongue lolling out of its mouth. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had bought you such a thoughtful gift and that sad thought caused your heart to give an uncomfortable squeeze. When you looked back to Billy, you started to realise that there was far more to the man than you’d originally believed.

“I didn’t know what kind of dog you had, so I just...” he continued, trailing off when he saw your smile.

“Thank you. It’s perfect.” 

It was Billy’s turn to simply nod, seeming just as lost for words as you were for a few seconds before deciding to let you go about your evening. “Anyway, I won’t keep you.”

The conversation was over giving you the perfect opportunity to walk away and recover from whatever this had been, only -

“I broke one of the rules,” you blurted out without thinking, not wanting to carry the weight of it after Billy’s gesture.

A flicker of discomfort crossed his face but was quickly reined in. “Which one?” 

“I ate tuna in a panini when I went out with Karen,” you stated, sounding so ashamed anyone would have thought you were confessing to murder. “It was just one bite. I forgot tuna was on the list. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again, Mr Russo. I promise.”

You didn’t expect the laugh that followed, or the way the tension seemed to leave his body. His hand found your shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t matter.”

“But the list -”

“Tuna is on the list because I don’t like it. If I’d been here and had your blood, it would have been unpleasant for me, but I wasn’t here so I’m willing to forgive it.”

(Well, that explained why certain foods were on the list. They were things he didn’t like - did that mean he could tell what you’d been eating from your blood?)

“I spent twenty dollars,” you admitted a moment later, like you were confessing all of your sins to him. (Or maybe you just wanted to keep the conversation going a little while longer, keep his hand on you a little longer.)

His hand moved to your neck, his cold touch on your skin causing your heart to beat a little faster. And you knew he could tell, you knew he could hear the effect he was having on you. 

“You spent eighteen dollars fifty-five,” he told you, amused by whatever this was. “I don’t think you’re going to bankrupt me.” When his little joke didn’t manage to draw a smile from you, Billy sighed. “I’m the one that should be sorry. I haven’t really explained things to you, I guess because I didn’t think you’d even make it past the second week.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m asking a lot of you. Maybe too much,” he told you as his thumb began to softly brush against your jaw. “The truth is, I need things to be like this. I need to have control. I need to stay in control because when I don’t...”

He didn’t have to say it, you could fill in the blanks. The other night was what happened when Billy lost control, it was what happened when the monster overwhelmed the man.

“But,” he continued, “I know it’s not easy to be the person who’s being controlled. I know you don’t really want this.”

“No, I -” the words started to slip out before you could stop them. Billy looked at you expectantly, silently demanding you finish the thought. Your cheeks felt like they were burning, but he was giving you honesty and you needed to do the same in return. “I’m used to rules. I like knowing what’s expected of me. It doesn’t make things easier for me, but I like knowing where I stand. So, I guess I don’t mind following your rules.”

It was clear he had questions but clearer still that he didn’t want to ask them. You were grateful for that.

“You always have a choice here, little hummingbird, even if I sometimes make it seem like you don’t,” he told you, leaving his hand to linger on your neck a moment more before it dropped to his side. Somehow, you felt colder for the loss of his icy touch. He was quiet a moment before; “do you like Thai food?”

You nodded despite the very sudden change in conversation. “I love it.”

“I’ve got nothing planned this weekend, perhaps we could spend some time getting to know each other a little better? Maybe that would make things a little easier,” he offered, a small smile on his lips. “We could order from a great Thai place I know and I could try to answer some of your questions about things.”

Your fingers tightened on the stuffed toy as you smiled. Finally, you felt like you were getting somewhere, like this could become something bearable, something good.

“I’d like that,” you answered.

“Okay then, tomorrow evening at sunset,” he nodded and looked ready to leave.

Nodding in return, you finally stated to move back towards your rooms. Your hand was on the handle when he spoke again.

“Why did you help me?” You could tell from his tone that he didn’t want to ask the question, but the curiosity had gotten the better of him. “You didn’t have to help, you could’ve stayed in your rooms. Instead you put yourself in danger to help me. Why?”

You turned back, despite not knowing how to answer him. And, for a few seconds you found yourself looking at him. There was something there, something about his expression, something that made you wonder if anyone else had ever helped him before. It seemed like such an alien concept to him that anyone might go out of their way to do anything for him.

“You looked like you were in pain,” you shrugged, “and, even though I haven’t always felt completely comfortable here, I think you’ve always tried to be kind... in your own way. So, I couldn’t just stand by when I thought there was a chance I could help you.”

Billy swallowed, like he was trying to rid himself of a lump in his throat. Then he nodded, clearly lost for words. That look you’d noticed only seconds before seemed to intensify and Billy didn’t seem to know what to do with it.

“Thank you,” he finally managed, before giving you one last look and turning away. 

For a second you allowed yourself to watch him as he made his way towards the kitchen but you knew you couldn’t linger, not when the pounding of your heart gave you away. Slipping through the door, you quickly shut it behind you, pressing your back against it for a moment. Looking down, you realised that you had the stuffed dog clutched to your chest. It was silly, such a ridiculous gift, but the fact that he’d listened to you, the fact that he’d thought about what you’d told him, it meant so much.

End Note : Billy was having a Mr Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen version) moment when he handed over the stuffed toy. Place your bets on what she’s going to to call it. I know this one was slow and a little cutesy but I wanted to build some more tension before things start to ramp up next chapter.

As always thank you so much for reading! And thank you so much to all my new followers (I did not expect 200+ followers when I started posting on tumblr). I hope you all have awesome weekends!!

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future chapters! If tagging doesn't work for some reason (aka Tumblr being dumb) I post most Fridays around 7:30 gmt. (Note: Tumblr is currently being stupid and only letting me tag five people at a time, so I'll be tagging people in the comments. Sorry if you get tagged twice!!)

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[hollandorks]

saved

matt murdock x original female character

chapter twelve

Summary: Fleeing from an abusive relationship, Grace St. James goes to the only place she still has a friend: Hell’s Kitchen. She’s forced to live in her car and beg for a job from the law firm Nelson, Murdock, and Page all the while making sure her past doesn’t catch up to her. Enter Matt Murdock: cocky, handsome, and willing to let her live with him for free until she can afford to get a place of her own. Grace is drawn to Matt in a way she’s never been drawn to anyone, causing sparks to fly as they inevitably grow closer and closer.

a/n: Oh look one of my favorite tropes/ kinds of scenes to write....you’ll probably know it when we see it. Things are steadily heating up and the slow burn is becoming a little less slow. I’m pretty excited for what’s coming up in the fic, starting with this chapter! Also, I am 1000000% making lawyer shit up. I’m also leaving out a lot of details on purpose. Can’t get anything wrong if you don’t add details, right? Besides, the legal case isn’t what’s important in this chapter. Grace’s heart eyes are! 

(Bonus: next update is the chapter the teaser is from! If I wasn’t on desktop I’d put the eyes emoji here) 

Series Masterlist 

word count: 4532

It had been a long, long day.

Grace’s dream haunted her for a week. Every time she looked at Matt, she remembered how it felt to have him next to her, kissing her, touching her. She craved it, ached for it, and she hated that she wanted it so much. It hadn’t been real, but it had been so close to real that it was more of a memory than a dream. 

To distract herself, she buried herself in work. It wasn’t too difficult–their big case was about to go to trial and every one of them was twice as busy. Often, Grace went out and got dinner and brought it back to the office for everyone. They usually sent her home after that, even while all three of them continued working well into the night. Sometimes she wasn’t even sure they went home.  

When Grace got back to the apartment each night, she paced and waited until it was late enough to check the roof for any signs of Daredevil. He was her other distraction from all things dream-Matt related. She tried to work on her lists of things to incriminate Dean–usually getting nowhere–and usually had to talk herself out of returning to that warehouse on her own. 

It was about a week after their last meeting that he finally showed up. 

It was Friday night and Grace had gotten home maybe an hour before midnight. Matt had grabbed his gym gear and immediately left again, muttering about needing to think about something other than work for a while. 

Grace had to admit she was both relieved and apprehensive to see the familiar deep red armor emerge from the shadows. 

“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show up again,” she said. She bit her lip and let her gaze skate over him. “Did you…find anything?” 

The last time she’d been at that warehouse had been an accident. Dean had taken her there with him on the way to a date, which was really a meeting with some CEO or other and his wife. But then thirty minutes had gone by. So she went inside. No one spared her a second glance, which was usual when she was with Dean. They all knew she was his. 

It had been a normal warehouse at first glance. She thought it was for whatever things Dean’s company needed to store. The first floor was covered in equipment she didn’t know the names for and boxes of every size.  

When he found her, Dean had used her to send a message to Harry Spencer. 

She could still smell the blood. 

“It was empty,” Daredevil said, interrupting her thoughts. His deep voice always brought to mind smoke and shadow when she heard it. 

“I–” Grace paused. Empty. Maybe when she’d left Dean he’d gotten cautious. It seemed like him, preparing for every outcome. Another reason why she would have trouble ever tying anything back to him. 

“The only thing I found was evidence of blood. A lot of blood. Everything else had been cleared out.” 

Daredevil started pacing the edge of the roof, dangerously close to going over. He reminded her of a caged animal, prowling the perimeter of its enclosure, waiting for the right moment to pounce. 

“That was…the most solid piece of evidence I had,” she said, a note of despair entering her voice. Her mind spun. She’d really hoped, naively probably, that he would have found some sort of tangible evidence. Evidence that would have been the beginning of the end. “I’m sorry, I–” 

He stopped pacing so abruptly she startled. “Tell me what you know, Grace.” He was still half-in shadow, his voice barely a growl in the cold night air. Something about the way he said her name stirred in the recesses of her mind. 

She wrapped her arms around herself and resisted the urge to try to hide. “I saw him there. Harry Spencer. He’d been…kidnapped. I don’t know. About six months ago.” 

“Who kidnapped him?” She watched his gloved hands clench and unclench before they settled at his sides. 

The panic coated her tongue, cloying and almost metallic. “I can’t prove anything. That’s the problem. I can’t prove anything, even though I saw him there.” Now it was her turn to pace. She whirled away from him, her words fogging in the air. Her emotions simmered under the surface of her skin and she suddenly understood very clearly why the man on the roof with her took the law into his own hands. 

“You could testify. I know some good lawyers–” 

“Yeah, so do I, and there’s nothing they can do without any evidence. One testimony that can’t be proved is worthless.” She stopped pacing and faced him, hands on her hips. 

He took one solitary, purposeful step towards her. “Then tell me a name.” There was danger in the words. A barely restrained anger. Her basest instincts told her to run from him, though she wasn’t actually scared. 

“I can’t,” she said with a helpless shrug. “I–He’d know it was me.” 

“I can protect you.” He sounded almost desperate. Pleading. 

“Not by yourself.” She thought of the countless people Dean had in his pocket, not including the entire security team he hired, made up of what she was pretty sure was a former military unit. “Just–give me some time to try and prove the building is owned by him. Maybe that–maybe that would be enough of a start.” 

Even with most of his face hidden, she could tell his entire focus was on her. She could feel his stare like a touch on her face. “I can’t help you if you don’t let me.” 

She gave a growl of frustration. “I am letting you! But I need to protect myself too. And my friends. My life. If I don’t have proof and I do anything to try and lay the blame somewhere…It’ll come back to get me. I know it will. And you seem very capable and all in a fight, but even you can be outnumbered.” 

Daredevil was silent for a long moment. Finally, he blew out a breath in a cloud of fog. “Okay. I’ll keep an eye on the warehouse, see if anything else comes up. Just…be careful.” 

He turned to leave. 

“Wait! How do I–how do I get in contact with you if I find something?” She realized she’d reached out a hand as if to grab his arm and quickly lowered it. 

He glanced over his shoulder at her. “I’ll come up here every Friday at twelve-thirty.” 

And then he was gone. 

Grace wondered why he was helping her when all she’d done was send him on a wild goose chase that may or may not find Harry Spencer’s murderer at the end. 

But she was grateful that someone was on her side, someone who could stand up against Dean himself, even if she couldn’t. 

–

Grace spent the weekend trying to figure out tax and property records for the city and feeling like she was running in circles. Her self defense classes were a welcome relief. She’d never wanted to hit something so much. Dean was plaguing her, a disease she couldn’t shake no matter what she did. The nightmares were back in full force, Harry Spencer’s bloodied face gazing up at her pleadingly every time she drifted off. 

Grace wished she’d dream about Matt again, if only for a break. 

Monday morning dawned too early.

She woke before her alarm and stared at the ceiling as the sun rose and lightened the room from the inside out. She heard the telltale noise of the coffee maker in the kitchen and roused herself enough to get up in search of caffeine. 

Matt had his eyes closed as he shuffled around the kitchen to put an empty bowl in the sink and the milk back in the fridge. He was in his regular sweats and a hoodie that was only half-zipped, revealing some of his muscled chest. 

Grace felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the heat kicking on as she watched him. There was something about Matt first thing in the morning, barely awake and rumpled from sleep. 

“Morning,” she said softly as she made a beeline for the coffee.  

Matt grunted and put the cereal back in its place. His eyes were still closed. 

Grace frowned at the coffee maker and debated the merits of grabbing it before it had finished. She decided to wait, mostly so she didn’t look like a greedy caffeine hoarder in front of Matt and potentially spill coffee everywhere in the process. 

“You’re not sleepwalking, are you?” she asked with one eyebrow raised as Matt kept his eyes closed. 

A ghost of a smile and his eyes opened a slit. “No. But I’m not totally awake, either.” His voice was rougher than usual and it made her shiver. 

She reached for the cabinet with the mugs at the same time he did and was rewarded with a rush of his scent on a wave of body heat as his chest brushed her arm. Grace froze, mind going utterly blank and quiet for a moment. 

“Sorry,” Matt said in his gravelly voice, but he made no move to get out of the way. He simply grabbed two mugs, caging her in against the edge of the counter with his arm for a moment. 

Grace looked up at him through her lashes, thinking of how much she wanted to kiss him, when she saw the bruise shadowing one of his eyes. 

“Your eye,” she said. Without thinking, she reached up and traced the edge of the bruise with a fingertip. It was Matt’s turn to go still. “Let me get an ice pack.” 

She darted to the freezer more to escape his tantalizing warmth than anything. Grace remembered how he’d taken care of her when she’d been so sick. How he’d pressed the ice pack to the insides of her wrists, to her throat, her head. How gentle he’d been. It was only fair that she returned the favor, if only marginally. 

She pressed the ice pack gently against Matt’s eye. He still hadn’t moved. 

“How’d that happen?” she asked in a low murmur. His hand came up and covered hers and stayed there. It dwarfed hers, his skin warm especially in contrast to the ice. 

“I was boxing,” he said, so close that his breath brushed against her face. Her heart stuttered a little at their proximity, but neither of them moved. 

She was so distracted by the warmth of him that it took her a full minute to process his words. “Boxing?” she repeated incredulously as she frowned up at him. 

He smiled and her heart flipped over. Dangerous, that smile. “Yeah. The gym I go to, Fogwell’s, they’ve been teaching me some stuff since I was a kid.” 

“You box?” she said again. Her mind chose that moment to picture a sweaty Matt in his gym clothes, and her heart did another flip. She mentally shook away the images. 

“Don’t sound so surprised.” 

“No, no–it’s more that I’m wondering what kind of person wants to hit a blind guy less than I’m wondering how a blind guy boxes.” She realized she was digging a hole for herself and shut her mouth tight. Matt’s hand shifted over hers. Her elbow bumped against him as she moved the ice pack to look at the dark bruise again. Matt made it look good. Too good. “Though the black eye does add a certain level of charm.” She bit her lip and blushed furiously. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. 

His grin turned into something that turned her blood molten in her veins. “Charm, huh?” he said softly. Was he…flirting with her? 

They were steadily leaning closer and closer to each other, caught in an invisible orbit with each other. 

She really, really wanted to kiss him. 

Matt’s head tilted down, just slightly, and she realized that he might actually kiss her. 

Her pulse thundered in her ears. She watched as his lips parted slightly to make room for the tip of his tongue. She watched, rapt, as he wet his perfect lover’s lips and moved almost imperceptibly closer. His hip bumped her stomach. 

She was still holding the ice pack, but her arm was resting against him instead of pressing it to his face. 

He was going to kiss her. 

Everything slowed. 

Matt groaned and stepped back right as a knock sounded on the front door. It was more of a loud banging, actually. 

“I have muffins!” Foggy’s voice preceded him into the apartment. 

Grace’s entire body blushed from head to toe. 

She and Matt had almost kissed. 

Matt reached out and very lightly touched her arm before he stepped around her towards Foggy. 

“You’re lucky we’re awake,” he said to his friend in what was supposed to be a threatening tone. 

Grace turned to face the cabinets and reached up to touch her lips with a shaking hand. 

She busied herself fixing coffee so Foggy wouldn’t see her blush. 

“Did you know Matt boxes?” she said to Foggy as she stirred sugar into her cup and tasted it. 

When she turned, Foggy was frozen, a paper bag clutched in one hand. “Uh,” he said with a glance towards Matt, who was standing with his arms crossed next to him. “Yes?” 

“Who in their right mind would feel okay about hitting a blind guy, is what I want to know,” she said as she went and gently took the bag of muffins from him. She had a feeling her face was still flushed, so she quickly drank more coffee as she dug out what looked to be a pumpkin muffin. 

“Trust me, Grace, there have been plenty of times I’ve wanted to punch Matt in the face. It wouldn’t be too hard to find someone willing.” Foggy took the muffins back and grabbed one for himself as Matt rolled his eyes. 

Grace laughed as Matt and Foggy started goodnaturedly making fun of each other and talked about punching each other in the face. 

But nothing took her mind off of that almost kiss, even as they all walked to the office later. 

Had she read too much into the moment? Had he really been about to kiss her? Or did she just think he had because she wanted it so badly? 

Grace again felt her own inexperience. Ryan and Dean had been her only two real relationships. She’d been attracted to others before, of course, but she’d always been with Dean and the feelings fizzled out naturally. She’d never liked someone like she liked Matt. Had never enjoyed their company. Had never thought so much about kissing them. 

With Matt, everything was…easy. They got along, worked and lived well together, could talk easily. And, of course, there was the raging attraction she felt towards him every waking moment–and most sleeping moments, too. 

She was certain a man like Matt wouldn’t want someone like her. Someone inexperienced, someone damaged, someone who was running away from things more than she was running towards them. Matt was the kind of man who was confident in everything he did, whereas Grace was…not confident in much of anything most of the time. 

And still she couldn’t shake the feeling that he really had been about to kiss her. 

Maybe it was wishful thinking. Maybe it was what had really been about to happen. 

The thought followed her all day either way. 

Throughout the work day, even as busy as they were, she kept glancing at Matt. She wished they could have a moment alone. Just one moment. She wavered between wanting to ask if they really had almost kissed, kissing him herself the second they were alone, or trying to be casual about the whole thing instead of potentially horribly embarrassing herself. 

But trial prep was ramping up and Grace barely had a minute to think let alone get Matt alone to talk. 

Grace was surprised when, the night before the trial, Karen made a comment about riding to the courthouse together. 

“Uh,” she said, unsure how to phrase the question. “I’m allowed to be there?” 

Foggy and Karen stared at her as Matt frowned. 

“Well, yeah,” Karen said as if Grace were a bit slow. 

“You’re part of the team, Grace,” Foggy said. He said it as if it were obvious. As if she had always been a part of the team, and a welcome one. 

Grace’s throat suddenly felt tight. “But–I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in court.” 

Karen flashed Grace a kind smile. “That’s okay. You’re mostly there to keep track of our papers and notes. And for moral support.” 

“Definitely moral support,” Foggy said. “Just dress…you know, professional. Like you do here.” 

And that’s how, the next morning, Grace found herself walking arm in arm into the courthouse with Matt. She was way more nervous than he was, and she wasn’t the one about to give an opening statement. 

“How are you so calm?” she asked as she scanned the area for Foggy and Karen after they’d made it through security. She clutched Matt’s arm with one hand and a tray of coffees with the other. They’d picked them up on the way at Grace’s insistence. Matt had paid, surprisingly fast for a blind man, having the cash out before she had even found her wallet in her purse. 

Matt shrugged. “I feel good about the case. We have a really solid defense and a really solid team. And the law is on our side.” 

“That always helps, yeah. Instead of, you know, defending something illegal,” she said with a wry smile. Matt laughed. 

Foggy’s dirty blond head bobbed through the crowd towards them as he waved wildly with one hand. There was an absolutely gorgeous blonde woman next to him looking like a Barbie doll in her smart pantsuit and heels. Her hair was perfectly straight, her skin tan and blemish-free, her legs stretching on for miles. 

“Coffee!” Foggy said excitedly, grabbing for the cup with his name on it. He passed over a bag of pastries he’d brought. “Grace, this is Marci. Marci, Grace.” 

Grace let go of Matt to put one hand out to shake. This was Foggy’s fiance? Marci was every inch the beautiful, intimidating woman the others had made her out to be. 

“Nice to meet you. Foggy Bear’s told me a lot about you.” She flashed a perfectly white smile. “I hear we’re on the moral support team today.” 

“I guess so,” Grace said as she blushed a little. She held up the drink carrier with four drinks and winced. “Sorry we didn’t bring you a coffee, I didn’t know you were coming. You can have mine.” 

“Thankfully, Marci’s on our side for once,” Foggy said as he inhaled his coffee. “When we’re on opposing sides…she’s crazy good.” 

Marci laughed. “He’s right. I’d crush them. But today I’m just watching, taking notes. Trying to recruit them for my own firm. And don’t worry about the coffee, I’ve had enough today already.” 

Foggy watched Marci talk like she’d hung the moon, and something in Grace’s chest gave a painful lurch. Marci, intimidating and perfect as she seemed, looked at Foggy the exact same way. Grace had no idea how they fit together, but fit they did, and something painfully close to jealousy washed through her at the sight of them. 

“I guess we all had the same idea,” Karen said as she stepped into their small circle. She held up a drink carrier with coffees. 

“Karen brought coffee too. And Foggy has breakfast,” Grace said quietly to Matt as everyone laughed and traded cups and bags back and forth. 

Matt smiled down at her, his expression gentle and open. “Great minds,” he said softly, for her ears only. She stared at him for a beat too long before turning back to the others. She remembered their almost kiss a couple of days earlier and a completely different blush settled into her cheeks. 

“Foggy Bear, huh?” she murmured to Matt once they all made their way inside the courtroom. 

He tilted his head back and laughed, long and loud. “He loves it, don’t let him fool you.” 

Seeing Matt–and Foggy and Karen–in action in the courtroom was almost an out of body experience. To put it simply, they crushed it. Matt’s opening statement was clear, heartfelt, and pulled just enough on the heartstrings that even Marci murmured appreciatively when he was done. 

Grace couldn’t take her eyes off of him. He was every inch the confident lawyer she’d come to know, but intensified a hundredfold. She watched his precise hand movements and the way he paced slowly back and forth in front of the jury like a caged animal, every line of him powerful and controlled. He was entirely in his element, and it showed. 

She jolted when he took his seat again as she came out of the trance she’d been in. 

Next, Foggy and Karen teamed up questioning witnesses and presenting evidence. 

As the case went on, Marci whispered explanations about things to Grace, telling her various law interpretations and strategies the trio were employing. She even quietly pumped her fist a few times when a question was particularly spot on or an objection was sustained. Grace liked her immediately. 

They broke for a lunch recess after a few hours, Grace’s head spinning. She hurried to find the notes and files Foggy was asking her for as they all went to eat during the short hour break. There were several food trucks parked outside, which was apparently the norm. 

“So, what do you think?” Matt asked her as they walked together. Marci was emphatically explaining something to Karen, who had a yellow legal pad open and was scribbling furiously as she walked. 

“It’s nothing like what’s on TV,” Grace said truthfully. “But still somehow as awesome. Marci was explaining some stuff to me. I get why you were so confident this morning.” 

Matt grinned at her and she almost stumbled into the others, not noticing that they had stopped at the end of a short line for the food. “I’m glad you think it’s awesome. It feels awesome, most days. We should have a verdict by the end of the day, actually.” 

“Really?” she asked, surprised. “I figured it would take a few days, at least. Jury deliberations and all of that.” 

“No, that’s more for big cases. Or complicated ones. This one is really cut and dry. Like I said, the law is on our side, and the evidence is clear.” 

Grace quietly read the menu to him as they shuffled forward. His hand rested somewhere against the small of her back. She wondered if he could feel her shiver at the touch, if he even realized he was doing it, or if he was simply trying to orient himself in the small crowd. 

Lunch in hand, they huddled together and went over more things for the case before the hour ended. 

The rest of the trial was, as Matt had promised, cut and dry. By four in the afternoon, the trial had concluded with an amazing closing statement by Karen, and Nelson, Murdock, and Page had won their case. 

Grace let out a little cheer at the not guilty verdict before quickly covering her mouth. She hadn’t meant to cheer, but she was too excited not to. She felt better once Marci giggled next to her and Foggy turned to flash them both a huge grin. She caught the edge of Matt’s smile. No one else seemed to have noticed the outburst. 

Outside, the team lost their calm demeanor. Foggy pumped his fist in the air, kissed Marci deeply, and high-fived everyone else in the span of three seconds. 

“You guys were amazing,” Marci said, her cheeks flushed from the kiss. “Seriously. You could be making so much money.” 

“We don’t do it for the money,” Matt said, a familiar refrain to Grace and evidently to Marci too, because she rolled her eyes. 

“We’re going to Josie’s,” Foggy said. His eyes were overbright with excitement. “To celebrate.” 

“You and I are going to dinner first,” Marci said, but something in her tone made Foggy blush. Grace decided to ignore it. She really didn’t want to know if dinner meant dinner or something else. 

“Okay, Josie’s at…nine ish then?” Foggy shrugged. Marci nodded. 

“I’ll see you there. I promised Ellison a quick interview if we won the case,” Karen said. 

“Great idea. Good press.” Foggy snapped his fingers. He pointed at Matt. “Murdock?” 

“Nine at Josie’s,” Matt said. He had a faint smile on his face that Grace couldn’t look away from. 

“St. James?” Foggy asked with another snap of his fingers. 

She laughed at his use of her last name. “Sure, nine at Josie’s, wherever that is.” 

A quiet gasp from all sides. Marci groaned.

“You still haven’t been to Josie’s?” Karen said. Her mouth, along with Foggy’s, had dropped open in shock. 

“Uh. No?” Grace shrugged. She assumed it was some sort of bar or restaurant since they were using it to celebrate. 

“Oh, you’re in for a treat,” Foggy said with what could only be described as a delighted but slightly mischievous laugh. 

“She’s in for a disease, probably,” Marci said with a curl of her lip, but she was still smiling. 

“Both, probably,” Matt said. He grinned at Grace. Stop staring, she told herself. 

“Definitely both,” Karen agreed. She slid her blonde hair over one shoulder. Hers was more sunshine yellow next to Marci’s platinum. “Josie’s is our usual bar.” 

“Favorite bar,” Foggy said. He winked at Grace. “You’ll really be one of us when you drink at Josie’s.” 

Grace’s pulse thrummed. One of us. She liked the idea of that. 

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Marci said. She pointed a stern finger at Grace. “It’s a dive bar. And I mean dive.” 

“Don’t knock the place,” Foggy said. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “You know you love it.” 

Marci rolled her eyes but didn’t deny it. 

“Nine at Josie’s then!” Foggy declared when there were no more objections. He winked again. “See you later, team!” 

“Dinner?” Matt asked as the couple left. He tilted his head back and forth between Grace and Karen. “Karen?” 

“Nah, I’ll get something on the way from the Bulletin. See you later.” She waved and walked off with a little skip in her step. Grace felt that lightness too, even though she hadn’t been the one to win the case. The excitement was catching.

“Don’t let them scare you,” Matt said softly as they started to walk in the general direction of the apartment. They would catch a taxi at some point, she assumed, unless he had a specific place in mind for dinner. “Josie’s is fun. It might give you a disease though.” 

Grace laughed. “Not sure that’s convincing me, but okay. I don’t scare easy.” 

“I’ll take care of you, don’t worry,” Matt said, bumping his shoulder into hers. 

She liked the sound of that.

Next Chapter

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[qnewsau]

Why this is Australia's most queer Eurovision yet

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/why-this-is-australias-most-queer-eurovision-yet/

Why this is Australia's most queer Eurovision yet

The Eurovision Song Contest is back for another year and it may just be the queerest yet for Australia. 

This year’s edition will be held in Malmö, Sweden following Loreen’s historic win last year with Tattoo.

Australia is back for another year and will be represented by the truly fabulous Electric Fields with their song One Milkali (One Blood).

Queer identity

Electric Fields is made up of Zaachariaha Fielding and Michael Ross and they put their queer identity at the very forefront of their music. 

Michael told the Guardian about growing up gay in conservative Queensland. 

“I had to try to walk differently, I had to move my hands differently. And it’s a very unique experience that only queer people would really understand – pretending that you’re the opposite of what you are,” he said. 

Zaachariaha was raised in the remote desert community of Mimili in South Australia’s Anangu Pitjantjatjara Yankunytjatjara lands.

“With my family, I didn’t even come out … There was no reason for it. My brother reminded me of it a few years ago – he said, ‘You know, you didn’t really come out to us.’ I didn’t really verbalise it, I was just more being it,” Zaachariaha told the Guardian. 

Michael shared with QNews the importance of being authentic.

“What is always a focus when we create a track is that both Z and my authenticity as people, as artists are truthfully woven into the lyrics and music. Because of this, our queerness naturally shines through same can be said for when we perform,” he said.

And why is the queer community so drawn to Eurovision?

“One of my core values is equality and I don’t believe in stereotypes but is it just me or are the queers just naturally more creative, I think we are,” Michael explains.

“Eurovision is one of the freest creative platforms around.”

Courtney Act joins Australia’s team

Not only are the entries queer but so is the SBS team! 

Comedian Joel Creasey will be on commentary duties (alongside Myf Warhurst) while Courtney Act will be providing behind-the-scenes coverage from backstage. 

Although Courtney is there for TV duties, she still has performance ambitions. 

“Think of this as reconnaissance. I’m going into the Eurovision arena to watch it,” Courtney said.

“And I am, only in my own mind, going to take notes and see what it’s all about, how it works. So that when I get there in the future, I’ll be better acclimatised to represent Australia.”

Brendan Maclean is in support

Queer singer-songwriter and actor Brendan Maclean will be a backing artist on stage for Australia’s performance.

He told QNews about his excitement of being involved.

“As a backing vocalist, you’re being asked to help debut Electric Fields, these beautiful two people I have adored for years, to over one hundred million new fans. So while it’s a fun job it’s one I take very seriously,” he said.

“There’s no room for error, you get one shot at this.”

Where to watch 

Live broadcast on SBS and SBS On Demand:

Semi Final 1 – Wednesday 8 May at 5:00am AEST (Australia performing) Semi Final 2 – Friday 10 May at 5:00am AEST Grand Final – Sunday 12 May at 5:00am AEST

Primetime broadcast on SBS and SBS On Demand

Semi Final 1 – Friday 10 May at 7:30pm AEST (Australia performing) Semi Final 2 – Saturday 11 May at 7:30pm AEST Grand Final – Sunday 12 May at 7:30pm AEST

More on Eurovision:

Courtney Act has a big plan for her trip to Eurovision 2024

Brendan Maclean’s surprise Eurovision news for Australia

Electric Fields in Sweden for first Eurovision rehearsals

UK’s Olly Alexander reveals “dirty” Eurovision rehearsal

ABBA rules out reunion on 50th anniversary of Eurovision win

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[anxiouspregnantlady]

hello again

Hi. Um, yeah, I'm pregnant.

I had the miscarriage around Christmas and then a period towards the end of Jan. We weren't originally planning to try that cycle, but had a halfhearted change of heart, kind of "eh", when I realized I was about to ovulate.

This month has been so full of craziness (sickness all around, k's job interviews, me consolidating jobs), I didn't think too too much about the possibility of being pregnant. Obviously I didn't not think about it, but it wasn't top of mind. I had labs drawn around 7dpo because I wanted to check my testosterone & DHEA-S levels (really low, but double what it used to be) to see if I should continue my supplements. Other labs confirmed I'd ovulated.

I was expecting my period on a Saturday, and on Friday night I thought I saw the faintest of faint pink, or peachy orange really, when I wiped. We discussed the possibility of calling our fertility clinic on Monday to do an out-of-pocket IUI cycle.

But then Saturday came and went and I had no bleeding. Sunday came and went - still no bleeding. By Sunday I was started to get a bit nauseous and I had all my weird pregnancy symptoms: sore boobs, burping nonstop, acid reflux. I think I was hesitant to test because I just couldn't believe it would be positive, and a good positive at that. I've never had the "classic" experience of girl misses period, girl takes test, test is blazing positive, happily ever after. I'm either testing out my trigger or testing after the bloodwork results are out lol. Or testing negative, or testing really really faint for a chemical pregnancy.

K made me test. I took the cheapie strip pictured the minute we put P to bed. Lo and behold. Instant strong positive. We were SO HAPPY :) I was shaking and crying a lot - could hardly believe it. I didn't even know I could have a proper pregnancy unassisted, let alone so quickly. This was 18dpo. I sprung (as I do) into action and purchased a $28 hcg blood test for the next day (got a 20% discount coupon, too).

I think I was really, really happy for about 24-36 hours. Other than the fact that the test looked so nice and dark, I couldn't really explain it. I was surprised that anxiety hadn't shown up for a full day. I did my labwork the next day, plus the FRER, which bummed me out a little because I'd hoped it would be a bit more dramatic, but it was still a good test line.

On Tuesday I went for acupuncuture. I was a little nervous to tell my acupuncturist because she'd told me to wait 6 months to try. But she was so happy for me, and I teared up a little bit. She told me in her merry way that it was a boy (lol) based on my pulse. At this point I was pretty nauseous, could barely eat two bites of my croissant that morning. When I finished my appointment I got in the car and saw that my labwork results were in. It took forever to load and I couldn't find the result on the pdf report. And then I finally saw that it was 1,361 (at 19dpo), and I got really happy again. Called Karl ecstatically. This is so much higher than it was last go-around - 289 at 18dpo - and about the same as with Phillipa, 981 at 18dpo.

Thursday I had a telehealth appointment with my midwife Lisa, who literally just did an endometrial biopsy for me 3 weeks ago. She was also so happy to see me. She gave me a script for an ultrasound and encouraged me to come in earlier for my first appointment if I wanted to.

Today is Friday. I've made my ultrasound appointment - first available one that I can plausibly go to is March 19th - which is a full week later than I was hoping. I'll be 7w6d, or almost 8w.

Today I'm 5w2d. I feel TERRIBLE. I'm surprised by the exhaustion. I cannot stay awake. I can barely get through work, or driving, or anything really. I am nauseous, more powerfully so than last time, but not throwing up yet. It's early days. Those are probably the main two. Oh hang on, headaches. Bleaugh. Those have been pretty bad.

Overall, my strategy is NO REDDIT and PRESUME ALL IS WELL.

I am also very thirsty / drinking a lot of water + electrolytes. So far I can drink bone broth. K bought me a giant thing of cape cod salt and vinegar chips - THE BEST.

Interestingly, I have no desire to partake in my bumpers group this time. It all feels really tired. Like, I've seen it all before, it's kind of annoying.

I am focusing on being kind of SELFISH and making sure i get the rest and support i need. I am also trying to skate by at work, which has been such a struggle.

OK, getting way too tired from writing this. Going to nap before I have to pick P.

[havegaysex]

Still have issues with needles and I'm really working hard to try and be able to get my blood drawn for all the labs that I want before March when they expire again But I needed one blood lab test to get my testosterone finally approved so that I can actually get it and not have to pay money I don't have for it And my doctor made them do it as a finger stick and milk the finger for blood and it hurt like hell And I did not have a good experience with the lady who did the blood collecting but at that point I did not care because the check-in at the desk person was coughing up a storm and said "excuse me" the way someone says that after they burp 1,000 Americans are dying a week from SARS-COV2 and Flu, RSV, the common cold are also things that kill and permanently disabled people but no one at the hospital cares, more people were wearing masks at the Denver public Library than at the hospital and many of the few even bothering to wear masks had them incorrectly on I got caught up in my whole where a damn mask thing, anyway I'm finally getting testosterone Friday, I had wanted to be the one to pick it up from the pharmacy but I'm not driving down there again this week and my mom is so she's picking it up for me and I'm really grateful that even though I have to pretend to be someone cis hetero to my father that my mom actually tries, she didn't like calling me her child or her kid because it sounded like I am a minor when I am in my twenties and she decided to start calling me her progeny and I really appreciate the effort on her part, like she slips up sometimes but she's actually trying and that's what matters I'm going to tell my dad if he ever starts to notice that I'm transitioning (which I'm hoping won't be for a while as I'm on such a low dose) that I have a medical condition to do with my uterus / ovaries and upon hearing "woman's parts" his little misogyny ridden brain will shut down any possibility of ever bringing up that I have facial hair ever again

[steamishot]

eventful

life feels busy recently - last wednesday i hopped on a plane to SF. i was able to connect to the free wifi on jetblue and study/work on the plane. took a 1.5 hour BART ride by myself to meet G in pittsburg. G & D and doggie M live a very quiet life. G likes to operate with no music or sounds in the background. they also live in a very surburban area, where there isn’t much to do in their town. i was his sous chef haha. the stay there was completely peaceful and like a reset from the bustling NYC. by the second or third day, i got pretty bored and missed the city life. i always day dream about living in a quieter town when i am in NYC, but i don’t think i can actually stand being away from the city for too long. 

i met up with G & S at the start of presidents day weekend. i first met up with S and we stopped by for gas and some groceries before heading out to pick up G. then we went to a brunch spot afterwards and met up with L momentarily. we checked out muir woods, checked into the airbnb, and got bbq for dinner. the next day was more eventful. we got to ride horses around a vineyard. i didn’t expect to be scared, but i was quite anxious getting on the horse and being on the horse (my first time ever). it was similar to the feeling i had when i was snowboarding for the first time. they said horses are able to feel the human’s energy, and to try and deep breathe so they also remain calm. we checked out castello di amorosa and had a very nice dinner afterwards. 

that night, we were preparing to sleep early. G had got a last minute flight back to LA that departed at 7am. we were planning on heading out at 4am. matt called me that same night and asked me to stay on the phone with him in case he fainted. he was having extremely bad stomach pain, profusely sweating, and almost fainted on the way from the bed to the couch. i stayed on the line with him for about an hour until he seemed okay. i checked in with him at 4am PST and he was still feeling horrible. i called an uber to take him to the ER and subsequently bought a ticket back to NYC on our drive to the airport thinking it was very serious and he may have to be hospitalized. my flight to LA wasn’t until 1, so the timing worked out perfectly and i had bought a return flight to NYC for 8am. 

got to SFO, G went to american airlines, and i headed towards delta. checked my bag in. then matt tells me maybe i don’t have to go and he’ll be fine to fly out to LA as planned the next day. so, i backtrack to hunt my checked bag in. cancel my flight (that was purchased via ecredits, so i got all the credit back), and hung out at the airport/lounge until my original flight.

the next day (tuesday), my east coast bestie S&I were visiting from NYC and wanted to hang out. i got to see them for a couple hours and show them around my neighborhood/let them meet my family and baby niece before they had to go to the airport. it was nice that our paths got to cross in LA!

tuesday night, i took a nap and headed out to LAX to pick up matt whose flight landed around midnight. we spent the night at my brother’s house. he was still in a lot of pain/scared of passing out, but did not want to let his parents know and have them worry. wednesday, we spent the day at my brothers. my parents came over and made chicken rice dinner. my bro, SIL and baby were flying out to cambodia that night for a 3 month long trip. matt’s condition was still worrying so i texted his dad to let him know that he might need to get checked out at a hospital again. they freaked out and called me immediately. 

thursday, went to the DMV and got my licensed renewed - will be getting a real ID. the process took longer than i thought even though i had an appointment. took my parents out to eat american food using the app inkind $25 off $50 - using the hacks i learned in NYC here. 

friday, went to get a physical at kaiser and my blood drawn. i hate blood draws but it was ok. i have elevated LDL. this, along with matt’s health scare, will hopefully force us to change our diets/lifestyle. he’s forced to eat healthier now, we’ve basically been having “cheat” meals everyday. i hope he can also cut out coffee because he has been relying on an insane amount to get by. 

this week’s weather has been odd. raining all week minus sunday. 

[survey--s]

458.

Have you ever had a dream that your teeth were falling out? No, I don't think so.

Do you have a fence? No, our garden is walled.

Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place? No. I mean, it's a nice idea but it's definitely not something based in reality.

When was the last time you went bowling? When we went to Blackpool which is over six years ago now.

Who was the last person you disappointed? Maybe a customer when I said I couldn't fit her in for an hour on a day they needed. I offered her regular slots and she said no so they went to someone else, but now she wants the slots she turned down every week lol.

Would you ever get a significant other’s name tattooed on yourself? No, even though Mike has my initials tattooed on his wrist.

Name one unpopular opinion of yours: Religion is incredibly dangerous.

Has the person you like ever made you upset? Of course. I think that's pretty normal in a long-term relationship.

What is one thing people automatically notice about you? The fact that I wear glasses.

Does anyone know your deepest darkest secret? I don't really have a deep dark secret.

If you were getting unwanted attention by some creeper, would the person you like stand up for you? Yes.

Favorite kind of soda? Pepsi Max.

Are you closer to your mother or father? My mum, for sure. I barely ever speak to my dad.

Are you afraid of the dark? No.

What’s your favorite shape? Circles.

How social are you? I'm very unsocial, lol. Don't get me wrong, I like going out occasionally and I'm happy to talk if people talk to me, but generally I much prefer my own company.

What’s your favorite primary color? Red.

Do you like hot chocolate? Not the cheap, powdered stuff, but proper Italian hot chocolate tastes absolutely amazing.

What do you have pierced? Earlobes x 3, right cartilage, nose and belly button. I used to have a lot more but they've all closed up over the years. I had 2-3 other cartilage piercings in both ears plus my tragus on my right ear too.

What’s your favorite type of tea? Earl Grey, Yorkshire tea or Green tea with lemon.

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube? Just loads of channels that upload TV shows I can't find anywhere else.

What’s your favorite thing about the winter? Snow days, Christmas, my birthday, having two weeks off work.

What motivates you? I guess money, as money brings you choices and freedom.

Would you rather have a hot tub or a pool? A hot tub as I think we'd get more use out of it. Maybe one of those swim spas that double as a hot tub.

What’s your favorite Yankee Candle scent? I hate Yankee Candles but my favourite candle scents are things like vanilla, baked goods and gingerbead.

Would you rather learn how to play the ukulele or guitar? I can already play guitar.

If you are up after 3 am, what are you most likely doing? Reading my phone in bed as I can't sleep. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? We have a dog and three cats. I wouldn't want to keep any of my favourite exotic animals as pets.

What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? They're a normal part of life. Society wouldn't function if nobody worked, but I'm not a fan of the whole idea that everyone should work Monday-Friday, 9-5 in an office somewhere.

Do you believe in astrology? No.

What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? I'm not really a very creative person in that respect.

Do you have any cultural or family traditions that you know are uncommon in the area that you reside in currently? Nope.

What are you grandparents' names? I'm not sharing that on here as my grandparents have very unique names.

Have you ever been bitten by a dog? Yes, twice.

The last time you got blood drawn, what was the reason? To check my hormone as I was having major issues with my periods.

Where are you, exactly, right now? On the sofa in the living room, at home. Toby is sitting to my left, Layla is on the coffee table and Purrlock is under the table and they're all staring at me as they want feeding an hour early LOL.

What is your relation to the last child you spoke to? He's the son of one of my clients. He's called Max and he's adorable.

Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? Nope.

Have you ever walked on a frozen lake/river? Yeah, in Canada when we went to Lake Louise. I'd never do it in the UK though as it never really gets cold enough for things to properly freeze.

Have you ever seen a volcano? Yeah, Etna and Vesuvius, plus a couple of others I can't remember the names of.

Have you ever met an Alaskan? I don’t think so.

Describe how you’ve broken a bone, if you have. I've never broken a bone before.

Choose 5 friends, and briefly describe their relationship status. Susie - in a long-term relationship. Jade - in a long-distance marriage. Suzanne - married with a child. Karla - married with two children.. Nathan - engaged with two step-children and a child.

Describe the last situation in which you found yourself feeling awkward. I honestly don't remember.

Do you have a neighbor you'd like to get to know more? No, not really. Maybe Jade if she counts.

If you're female, would you rather be called a girl, woman, gal, chick, b*tch, or lady? I just want to be called by my name.

What magazines did you like to read as a teenager? Just 17, Mizz, Teen Vogue, ElleGirl.

Did you use Lisa Frank folders in school when you were younger? No, it wasn't really much of a thing here.

Do you watch any doctors' channels on YouTube? I watch some of those spot squeezing videos lol.

Have you ever lived in a house that was on a street corner? No.

What’s your favorite app? Instagram is probably the one I used the most.

Do you want any tattoos? I have one and I'll probably get more one day, but I have no real desire to get one anytime soon.

What is the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton.

Are you afraid of snakes? Not really, but we don't have any dangerous ones here really, except Adders but they're really rare.

Which “famous couple” is your favorite? Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. What’s your favorite love song? I don't really have one.

How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)? Not important at all, really. Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? Dominant.

What career do you want? I'm happy with what I do at the moment - working with animals.

What about having kids? Bleurgh, no thank you.

Do you think you’ll marry your current significant other? We are married.

How did your first serious breakup go? It was horrible at the time but looking back it was very normal.

[TW: SELF-HARM] Have you ever cut yourself? Yeah.

The first time you dumped someone, was it hard? Yes, but it was easier than being dumped.

Do you regret who you lost your virginity to? No.

Do you watch WWE Raw? Nope.

Do you dye your hair? I used to do it regularly but I don't think I've dyed it since lockdown.

Which of your parents will you see next? My mum's coming up at some point next week.

Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, twice overnight.

Do you make fun of obese people? No.

Do you eat when you’re upset? Sometimes. I either eat loads or nothing when I'm upset lol.

One word to describe your most recent ex? Liar.

Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? Poached.

Where, in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? Maybe somewhere like Cornwall.

Where wouldn’t you want to live? Doncaster.

Name three things that are overrated: Meh, it's all just personal opinion.

List four things about your facial appearance: I wear glasses, I have a tiny birthmark on my chin, I have my nose pierced and I currently have a spot on my chin too.

List four things about your general appearance: I have curly hair, I'm taller than average, I have a tattoo on my back and I never really wear make-up.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? Something the cat was doing.

How many weddings have you ever been to? Just my own.

Would you ever wear real authentic leather? Yeah. I own a leather jacket and leather shoes.

How old are your parents? My dad is 67 and my mum is 63. They both have their birthdays in June as well.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment? Nothing at the moment.

What’s your boss’s first name? Do you call him/her by that name? I don't have a boss these days, but when I did, we always used first names.

[somephilosophercat]

Not a good start

Well today was not a good day. I had to get my blood drawn first thing in the morning and except for the fact that I hate needles I had pretty bad one this time. I did hurry a bit with trying to put on my jacket and go to work instead of putting pressure on the place but I don't think that is excuse enough for the blood not stopping for about 20-25 minutes. At one point I saw that it is bleeding and put pressure back and take out paper tissues but 3 tissues later and one vest sleeve full of blood later I went back to nurses and asked them to help. I am not so easy on asking help and actually two ladies near me encouraged me to go. Well nurses were okey but not really interested. In the end one older got up and helped me with it. She instructed me with what to do and helped clean my hand while I put pressure but around 5 minutes later she moved the cotton and blood just continued to flow. She tapped it some more and send me out to sit there for next 15-20 minutes. After around 10 or more I tried to ease the pressure and okey blood wasn't flowing but I saw the wound filling up slowly. So not there yet. In the end I put bandage I had in my bag and went to work. It was fine but I did change it at some point hours later and more hours later taking it off there were still some blood on. It just can't be only "my fault". I checked the meds I am drinking and actually two of them can have that effect but so rarely. GP said it is okey as long as it settled but if problems occur again to be in touch. Actually when labs come back tomorrow I will be able to see if there is anything wrong. Good thing I have psychiatrist at Friday as he will be the only one to see it through. Well if it wasn't about his appointment I wouldn't even draw blood but it was not such a good start of a day.

Oh and I managed to clean my vest completely in cold water so that is a happy thing I guess.

[everyfandomever]

i need to call my doctor and dentist :/

[raineydays411]

So warm and tender

Tony Stark x Daughter!reader

A/n: Hello! finally the last part of Ember. I hope you guys like it and sorry for making y’all wait so long for the confrontation lol)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s POV

“Aunt Pam?!” you say in shock as you stop struggling against the vine wrapped around your body.

“Y/n, is it really you?” your aunt said as the vine loosened its grip and gently lowered you on the ground. “ Where have you been? Everyone has been going crazy looking for you”

You don’t answer as you look at your aunt. You didn’t realise you missed her as much as you did but now all you want to do is throw yourself in her arms. So you did.Pam, sensing you needed comfort rather than an interrogation, wrapped her arms around you. “I missed so much my Petal.” 

With those five words, all the hurt and pain you bottled up came out. and you cried.

As you cried, your aunt looked at the girl she hasn’t seen in eight years, and wondered what she’s been going through and if she did the right thing by giving you to your father all those years ago.

“Petal, I think you need to explain what’s going on”

You look up and sniff, “ Yeah, i think an explanation is well in order.” and you tell her everything. From the years of being ignored by your father, your last argument, the two weeks you spent in captivity, and your new powers. 

“ And that’s when I found you.” You finish looking at the grim faces of Pam and the other woman, who now that you think about it looks really familiar. 

“Oh, you poor puddin’!” you found your face being squished between two ands and then you were comically pressed against a body in a tight hug. 

“Don’tcha worry bout a thing, me and Pammy will take care of everything, you just sit here and---”  This seems familiar...

“ Harley, I don’t think she can breathe.” “Oh right, now you remember, it the blonde woman who used to sneak into the apartment”. You think to yourself as you struggle to get loose from her grip. You hear someone snicker and see Danny looking at the commotion. 

“ Shut up Danny, where have you been?” You say, forgetting that you’re the only one who can see him. 

“Exploring, do you thing she could hug me like that too?” 

“ If you weren’t already dead, I’m sure they would kill you for that comment”

Pam and Harley look at each other in concern as it seems like you’re talking to yourself. 

“ Hey kid, if you’re gonna talk to yourself, try an’ do it when other people can’t see you, like me.”  The blonde says as if someone talking to themselves was a daily occurrence for her.  You explain that with your powers, you were basically dead and can speak and see other dead people. Hearing that, Pam’s expression darkened

“He let you die?” she said in a grim tone. All the vines and plants in the room started whipping around angrily as if they were looking for the person who wronged you. It was then when you realized it wasn’t your Auntie Pam who taught you how to plant petunias you were looking at, this was Poison Ivy. 

“ Men, you can never trust em’. Well, whadda say little flower, ya up for a little premeditated murder?” and that was the infamous Harley Quinn. 

“ It would’ve been nice to know that you’re related to scary criminals y/n....” Danny said in a fearful voice. And if you were being honest you just found out that your aunt Pam was also the Poison Ivy but to be fair you haven’t seen her since you were like eight. 

“I don’t want to kill him” you finally say. “ I don’t want anything to do with him. Nor his precious Spiderling.” The plants calm down as Ivy calmed down and was your aunt Pam again. “ What do you want to do?” she asks.

You think to yourself and say,” I want him to know how he made me feel, and then I want to stay with you.”  Your aunt and Harley froze when you said that. 

“Petal, there is nothing I want more than for you to stay with me again,” She started, “ But it isn’t safe for you to stay.” Your eyes started to water

“But I-I have powers now, I can defend myself! I won’t be any trouble, it’ll be like I’m not even here” At this point, anything was better than going back to being invisible. “Please...I don’t want to go back...” 

Hearing the desperation in your voice broke Pams, Harleys, and Danny's heart. Pam because this was the daughter of her closest friend. She vowed to protect you from anything the day you came to her after losing your mother. Seeing you like this just reminded her how she, in her mind, has failed you. Seeing you so desperate to get away from the man who broke your heart reminded Harley of herself. The nights she would sneak into the tiny apartment you shared with Pammy, in hopes of escape only to get drawn back with empty promises. So yeah, she had a small soft spot for you. And Danny, you were the only person who saw him after months of being invisible. He felt like he needed to help you in your mission to get your father regret ignoring you.

“Hey Pammy...maybe we should call him...” Harley started to suggest. 

“NO, I’d rather drink weed killer than go to that...orphan collector for help.” the red head spat. “ No. We’ll figure it out but she can stay here for now.”

Hearing that you had a place to call home now, gave you the motivation to go and confront your father. Not only for ignoring you, but for leaving you in that..cell for two weeks. He didn’t even attempt to look for you as far as you knew. You’d have thought at least one of the other Avengers would have came to save you. But no one came. After all those years, no one came.

“Y/n.. your eyes” Danny whispered, his cold hand touching your arm snapped you out of your mind. The neon glow of your eyes faded to your normal e/c. 

“ Aunt Pam, Harley is there any way you guys can get me to New York and back?” You ask, finally ready to confront your father. 

“ Well....” Harley say as with a smirk

~~~~~~~~~one terrifying ride on a stolen batplane later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Upon arriving to New York you made Pam and Harley wait a few blocks away from the tower, as you really didn’t want the Avengers to find out your aunt was a wanted criminal. You “went ghost” as Danny like to call it and snuck into the Tower with ease. You then snuck into your room, seeing everything covered in a layer of dust as no one has been in there for over two weeks. You packed a bag and filled it with some clothes, books and a picture of you and your mother. You took that bag and walked to the door, looking around at the room that was both you prison and safe space. It was decorated with multiple trophies, medals, and ribbons all from the multiple sports and clubs you joined to impress your father. Not like that ever happened. Danny wander around looking at the multiple teams photos you had hung up.

“ You’re a volleyball girl?” he said, “ Huh. I’d never have had guessed.” 

You rolled your eyes as you finished packing. “ Hey I have a job for you.” you say turning to him. “ I need you to go to the control room and turn off the power for thirty minutes. Then turn it back on and come find me in the common room.”

“ Yes ma’am” Danny says, saluting and disappearing through the wall before he comes back. “Ummm, wheres the control room?” 

You roll your eyes and explain how to get to the control room and wait. When the lights go out and you’ll make your move. Your father would have to pass through the common room to get to the control room from his lab, which you assume he’ll be. There you’ll be waiting for him. 

The lights go out. It’s showtime.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tony's POV

The team spent three more days searching for you. They followed every lead and half of the team even flew out to the building that collapsed an hour ago. Tony, Steve, and Natasha stood behind to look at more clues. It was a little past midnight, and both Steve and Natasha went to bed leaving Tony to tinker in his lab. Tony was making improvements to a certain spider suit as he thought about what his daughter said to him before she went missing.

“Sir, there seems to be someone in Y/--” FRIDAY started to say when the power cut out.

“FRIDAY??” Tony questioned as he walked out to check the control room, making sure to get his nano bracelet just incase. As he walked down the hallway he thought about waking up Steve and if he was brave enough to wake Natasha when he heard it.

“Hi daddy.”

Tony stopped dead in his tracks as he looked up in disbelief. The lights turned back on to reveal his daughter. Wearing a black halter top, spandex leggings, grey boots with elbow length gloves. She looked skinny, as if she hadn’t had a proper meal in the weeks she was gone. And for some reason the air was cold in the room. But there she stood.

‘Y/n” Tony said breathlessly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n pov

As you wait for Tony to walk in,you look around the common room and reminisce. You think about the time when you first moved in, and you got lost trying to find the bathroom and accidently walked into Natashas room. YOu thought she was going to kill you but ended up walking you to the restroom and back to your room. Or when you made the volleyball team way back in eighth grade, and you ran home to tell your dad but ended up telling the whole team, who were rarely all together, and they all took you out to get ice cream, minus Tony. You had to admit, even though your dad didn’t pay attention to you, Nat and Steve did. As well as the whole team, but those two really became the parental figures in your life. That’s why it hurt when not even they came for you. Even they had forgotten you.

“Hi daddy” you said in a mocking voice. Your father stopped dead in his tracks, as he looked you over in disbelief.

“Y/n”, he said in a breathless voice. 

“Oh, you remember my name?” You say in an sarcastic tone. “ Didn’t seem like you did when you left me in a hydra cell for two weeks.” 

Hearing that you were a prisoner of Hydra made Tony’s blood freeze. 

“Hydra? Oh Y/N are you okay? What did they do to you?” He asked frantically as he walk towards you with the intent of checking if you were injured. You jerk away from him, avoiding his touch and say

“ Oh, I’m wonderful. Just so fucking fantastic. I was just experimented on and injected with various liquids that caused excruciating pain. No big deal” 

“ Y/n..we spent days trying to look for you. Me and the team--”

“You and the team what Tony? I was there for two weeks. TWO WEEKS I WAS POKED AND PRODDED. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE.” You scream, anger filling your heart as you remember the agony you went through. You think about the scratches on the wall of the cells, the taunts from the guards, and screams of the undead.

“ You have no idea what I went through. What I’m going through.” You say, feeling your body grow colder as you lose control and start to shift. “ You don’t care about me. If I were Parker, you would have saved mem within SECONDS.”

“That's not true. Y/N you have no idea how much I love you.” Tony tries to say. He’s filled with the need to tell you everything he didn’t tell you before. “I know I haven’t always been the best father. Trust me I know that now. But if you give me a chance, I want to make everything right. Please.” 

You didn’t think it would go like this. In fact you were not at all prepared for Tony to say this. You expected to walk in on him continuing his life as normal, tinkering in his lab and such. You had always yearned to hear him say those words to you. But now, they just fill you with anger.

“You think you could just tell me what I want to hear and what? I’ll just act like nothing happened?? I know you’re not that stupid.” You spit, the room growing colder as you get angrier. “ It’s too late for all that Tony. I’m not the same girl i was two weeks ago.i won;t take it any longer.” 

“Y/n..your eyes” Tony says as he slowly starts to put his gauntlet bracelet on, realising that you are becoming a threat. 

“ Oh do you like them?”, You ask “ This is what happened when they injected me. I can also do this.” You shift, shades of blue taking over brown skin. Tony stared at you in awe and a bit of fear. 

“ Y/n this isn’t you. I know you’re angry but--” “ Isn’t me?” You interrupt.” You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’m like. And even if you did the old me died in that cell. Literally I died” You and Tony stared at each other. and that's when you heard the doors open. Two sets of footsteps started rushing to the commotion. 

“Y/N some red head and beefy blonde are on their way” You hear Danny say as you realize you had to wrap it up. If anyone can convince you to stay, it’s Steve and Nat.

“ It doesn’t matter anymore Tony.” you say as you start walking to the window. “ I can’t stay here anymore. There’s nothing for me. You win. Peter can be the child you always wanted cause from now on, consider me dead.” and with that, you phase threw the window and let yourself fall, knowing that you won’t actually fall as you can fly. 

Tony freaks out and calls for his suit, only to see a blue blur shoot up and across the sky. Then he just sits there and stares. The footsteps reach the common room and he hears someone ask 

“ Stark..what was all the yelling. What's going on?” 

“she's gone” He says, and that's when he truly realizes his mistake. He became what he never wanted to become. He became his father. And now you were gone.

Taglist: @vxidsti1es @big-galaxy-chaos

[anythingwriter]

Vipers

Tommy Shelby x reader

Warnings: language, men being sexest, brief mention of death, a little bit of a slow burn

Word Count: 3,900 of pure trash:)

Requested by: @imthebadguyyy

Summary: Thomas Shelby has been expanding his business for years, making deals with other gangs all the time. But the Vipers, they were a different story. They’re crazy and dangerous, and they are not willing to share their land, so Tommy sets up a meeting with their leader. It was not who he expected.

a/n: Dudley is a city in England kind of close to Birmingham, just so y’all know.

*******************************************************

Polly was minding her business, walking around the shop straightening up here and there. It was just her and Esme at the moment, the betting shop had not yet opened. There was supposed to be a family meeting in about ten minutes, but by the looks of it Tommy was going to be late as perusal.

Ada had just walked in, shortly followed by John and Arthur. Finn stayed with Isaiah, Tommy had told him not to come because it was an “adult” meeting. They all sat around, conversing and just having small talk and after twenty minutes of waiting for Tommy, Polly was fed up.

“Where the bloody hell is that brother of yours?”

John and Arthur looked at eachother wearily, should they tell her?

Their looks didn’t go unnoticed by any of the women. Ada was getting frustrated too, Tommy called the damn meeting so where the hell was he?

“C’mon boys, Polly and I want to know.”

Arthur sighed, rubbing a hand down his face and itching his mustache, “so you see ladies, he-”

Arthur was interrupted by the door to the shop slamming open and banging against the wall, Tommy coming in with literal blood on his hands.

“What the fuck Thomas? Where in the bloody hell have you been? An- and is that blood?! Christ Tommy!” Polly was so confused, her nephew came into his own meeting late, with blood on his hands?

Tommy ignored his aunts questions and walked around the table, lit a cigarette and poured himself a glass of whiskey, Irish of course. He grabbed a cloth and began to wipe the blood off of his hands, all while being silent. Everyone else had grown quiet too, waiting for Tommy to speak, or at least acknowledge them.

He drank his whiskey in one gulp and poured another. He then finally looked up at his family, now clean from the blood on his hands. Well, at least the blood that you could see.

“I’ve been trying to make new...acquaintances you could say,” he took a long drag of his cig, “and people were not happy about it.”

The three women looked at Tommy, waiting for him to explain more. John and Arthur already knew everything, they were just sitting there, waiting for their aunt's reaction to what Tommys was about to say. He quickly drank his second glass. Polly copied his actions, bringing her drink to her lips as well.

“As you all know, our business is expanding everyday. We’ve already reached London, and now, now I’m trying to get to Dudley.”

Ada's eyes widened and Esme immediately got up to leave. Polly began to ferociously cough on her drink, not expecting to hear such news. Arthur leaned over in his seat and aggressively started to smack his aunt’s back, trying to help ease her drink down. Tommy sat there just watching everything with a stoic face.

Polly began to swat at Arthurs hands, and he pulled them back raised in the air defensively, not wanting to get hit by his aunt.

She rose from her seat, a look of disbelief on her face and pointed her manicured finger in Tommy's face, “Are you MAD Thomas?! You have no business being on their land! Now you've done dragged us all into this! Thomas, what in the blo-”

“Hear me out Pol, I’ve al-” Polly cut him off like he did her, she was furious. He was going to get them all killed!

“No Thomas, you listen to me. You go on their land and expect to make a peace treaty with them? They’re so good at what they do no one’s ever seen their faces Tom! Just you wait, this is all going to come back and bite you in your ass!” Polly stormed out of the shop and into their house, slamming the doors behind her.

They all sat in silence for a few seconds before John decided to break it, “well, that went better than I thought it would.” Arthur snorted at that, raising his drink to cover the sound.

“Whose blood was on your hands, Tommy?” For the first time the whole meeting, Ada had finally spoken.

“Some man came up to me and told me to leave, saying they didn’t want the devil to walk among their streets. He pulled a knife on me, so I shot him. Simple as that.”

“Simple as that? Simple as that Tommy? You’ve shot one of her men! This is war now Tommy.”

Arthur looked up from his drink and made eye contact with Ada, “Her? Who in the bloody hell said anything about it being a woman, Ada? You really think the leader of The Vipers is a woman?”

“Haven’t you lot heard? There's been rumors for months about the WHOLE gang being run by women.”

John and Arthur both barked out laughter, women? Why would women be running a gang, let alone one as dangerous as The Vipers.

Ada’s face turned red, cursing her sexest brothers. Stupid men and their cocks.

Tommy sat there reclined in his seat, lost in his own thought. It couldn’t be women, could it?

His sister stood up from her seat, yelling at her brothers before leaving the room in the same fashion Polly had, even slamming the door a little harder.

Arthur smacked his hand against the table, breaking Tommy out of his trance. Him and John were still laughing their asses off.

“Women? Can you bloody believe that Tom? A bloody woman!” John doubled back over in laughter again at Arthurs words. Tommy still just sat there, watching his brothers laugh. He got up to leave the shop, heading to London to see a certain Solomons.

*******************************************************

“Tommy, what can I do for you mate?” Alfie was loud, as usual.

Tommy sat in front of Alfie, preparing himself for the conversation ahead of him. “There’s word going around, Alfie, that you are the only ally of The Vipers, is that true?”

Alfie stared blankly ahead of himself before letting out a loud boisterous laugh that had Ollie wincing in the corner. He looked at Tommy and immediately stopped when he saw Tommy was serious.

“Oh, oh you’re serious?” What business could you possibly want with The Vipers Tommy?”

“Is that a yes or no, Alfie? Are you allies with them?”

Alfie eyeballed Tommy before sighing and nodding his head. Tommy smirked at his small victory. “I’m wanting to do business with him, Alfie. I want to expand and put some of my men in Dudley. But, I need help. I’ve heard they’re unpredictable, especially their leader. Would you care to tell me his name, Alf?”

Again, Alfie laughed. He stood up with the help of his cane and leaned on his large desk closer to Tommy, “right, there's two things you need to know Tom. First of all, they are unpredictable and they wouldn’t hesitate to bite your head off if you backstabbed them, yeah.” He paused for a second, debating if he should tell Tommy the second part.

Tommy nodded, waiting for Alfie to continue, but he didn’t.

“What’s the second thing?”

Alfie just smirked down at the brummie, “That's for me to know and for you to find out.”

*******************************************************

Three days later it was Friday evening and Tommy had invited everyone for a family dinner, it was all Polly’s idea. They were all gathered around the unnecessary large dining table at Arrow house. Charlie sat next to Tommy, Esme and John were next to each other, their hundreds of kids all at home with a sitter, along with Karl. Polly and Ada were sat side by side and Arthur was in the corner of the room pouring himself a drink. It was getting late, everyone had already ate their dinner and dessert.

“Mary, could you take Charlie up to bed? It’s getting late.”

She quickly walked around the table nodding her head, “Yes, Mr.Shelby.”

Everyone had migrated to the living room now, for once not talking about business. Their laughing was interrupted when there was a knock on the door, they all stood up.

“Who could that possibly be this late at night?” The loud knock had put all of them on edge.

The men all drew their guns, walking to the door, telling the woman to stay put. Naturally none of them listened and they all followed behind the boys.

Tommy swung the door open with his gun pointed out, ready to shoot whoever was there. They were all confused when they didn’t see anybody, but they were even more confused when they looked down to see a box with Tommy’s name on it.

Polly smacked Tommy on the back of his head, “Don't just stand there you idiot, bring the box in!” She reached down and grabbed the box, bringing it in and sitting it on the living room table.

John was a little hesitant, why was there a box? Who had dropped it off?

Tommy inspected the box, it didn’t seem harmful, but that didn’t stop his nerves. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was a little freaked out at the package too. He slowly reached for the box and ever so slowly opened it.

“BLOODY HELL!”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“TOMMY I-”

“WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?!”

Everyone was screaming and panicking, Tommy had jumped back and almost tripped over his feet, the women had all run to the next room and the men had drawn their guns once again.

Lunging out of the box was a bright green fluorescent Viper, hungry for blood. It striked again, almost catching Esme by the arm as she ran by it. It slithered out the box, its fangs out waiting to catch someone. Arthur began shooting at the floor, steadily putting holes in it. Tommy had finally stood back up, and John reached for Esme to check her for injuries. Arthur kept shooting, still putting bullet holes in Tommy's wooden floors.

A loud bang echoed through the house, and it wasn’t Arthur because he had run out of ammo. There stood Ada with a small revolver in her had, and a bullet lodged in the snakes head. Everyone stopped to stare at her, eyes wide in shock.

“Guess chasing rats finally paid off, huh?”

Polly had walked back in the room and bent down to inspect the green snake before standing up to look Tommy in the eyes.

John hugged Esme to his chest and turned towards his brother, “What in the bloody hell is this Tom?”

Tommy looked at John blankly, he himself didn’t even know. He went to make something up but Pol had beaten him to it.

“This, John,” she reached down and picked up the dead but still squirming snake, “is what you call a Viper.” And with that she flung the snake at Tommy who jumped back in disgust.

Adas head perked up at that, “A viper? But how, they're not native.”

Everyone thought about it a moment, before they put the pieces together. Polly began to laugh maniacally and everyone averted their gaze to her, had she gone mad?

“I told you Thomas! I told you this was going to come back and bite you in your ass!”

Tommy sighed and ran a hand down his sweating face before peering in the box again. Inside was a note and he reached in to grab it and he read it aloud, “Stay off our land Shelby.”

Everyone began to fret again. They were running around like a chicken that got its head cut off, screaming about how Tommy never should have stepped foot in Dudley.

Tommy sat down on his couch, thinking about what to do. What if Charlie had been downstairs? The snake surely would have gotten to him, after all he is just a child. He needed a smoke and a drink as soon as possible, he stood up and marched up to his office to make a phone call, completely ignoring his family's calls of his name

*******************************************************

Two weeks after the snake incident, Tommy had managed to get a meeting with you, thanks to the one and only Alfie Solomons. When Tommy had told him what had happened that night he shook his head and chucked, telling Tommy you had done the same thing to him all those years ago. But Tommy still didn’t know who you were.

The three eldest Shelby’s stepped out of Tommy's car and landed on the Dudely turf, they all felt a little uneasy about the situation. They began to follow the directions Alfie had given them, the area getting more and more sketchier as they went.

Dudley was very dull, the sky was always grey and the streets were always muddy. The air was foggy like Birmingham, maybe even worse. They were getting looks everywhere they turned, none of them being used to it considering their name.

A loud clang of metal caught their attention and they all turned to look. All three of them pulled their guns when they saw a scruffy man charging them with a knife. Right when Arthur was about to pull the trigger, they all four stopped when someone yell.

Another man came running towards them, screaming at the man that was attacking them.

“Stop Marc! They’re here because Yilan has agreed to meet with them!”

The man stopped what he was doing immediately, turning as pale as a ghost and dropped his weapon to the ground. He turned back around to the Shleby’s and apologized profusely before running off.

The three brothers looked at each other in confusion.

“What the fuck was that about? Who the hell is Yilan?” John was asking too many questions and Tommy didn’t have the answers to them.

“I don’t fucking know John, now shut the hell up!”

(a/n: Yilan means snake in Turkish [which is my family’s native language])

The man who had stopped the other walked up to the brothers.

“I am sorry, sirs. Yilan is what we call the leader of the Vipers.”

Tommy nodded a thanks to the man, asking him if he could take them to their headquarters. The man reluctantly agreed, not wanting to get on anyones bad side.

After around twenty more minutes of walking they stopped in front of a worn down brick building. It had vines growing up the whole thing and two very, very large men were guarding the door. Their escort had scurried off as soon as they got there, Tommy not even being able to thank the man.

The brothers began to walk towards the door and Arthur leaned down to whisper, “Ha, and Ada said they were run by women!”

John chuckled, he couldn’t wait to tell Ada she was wrong. Tommy hushed the two before speaking to the men guarding the door.

They both stared at the brothers, almost as if they were staring into their souls. They didn’t speak, waiting for one of the others to.

Tommy cleared his throat, “We’re here to see your boss. We have a meeting, Thomas Shelby.”

The larger out of the two opened the door, “Third floor straight down the hallway.” Tommy nodded his head before heading in, the two brothers following his lead.

The inside of the building was loud with music and the walls were all painted bright green. Tommy guessed for a viper. They all walked in a little further and stopped in their tracks, shock registering through their veins.

There was not one man inside. The room was full of women from every race you could imagine. Some had a tattoo here and there, some were covered in them. There was women with red curly hair, others with black straight. Any type of woman you could imagine, from short to tall and thin to curvy, was there. And they were all staring at them.

Arthur gulped and John smirked but then quickly frowned when he realised that his sister was right, this whole gang was women. He did have to admit though, it was a little sexy, even though he knew half of them could probably kick his ass.

Tommy cleared his throat before walking ahead, not making eye contact with any of the women. He walked towards the stairs and climbed them until he got to the third floor and walked straight down the hallway. When they reached the door Tommy hesitated for a moment before knocking. A faint “come in” was heard, and they all walked in.

Sitting behind a large oak desk was you, relaxing in your chair with a wicked smile on your face. You were so ready to finally meet the man who wanted your land.

Not making any effort to sit up in a more presentable position, you gestured to the three chairs in front of you, telling them to take a seat.

Tommy and John did but Arthur was still hesitant. What had they walked into?

“No offense ma’am, I think I would rather stand,” he was fidgeting the whole time and you could smell his nervousness. Tommy looked up and glared at his older brother.

You leaned forward in your chair and rested your arms on your desk and sat your chin on your hands. “Please, Arthur, take a seat before I shoot both your knee caps and make you sit.” You pulled a gun and sat it on your desk, smiling up at Arthur.

John was a nervous wreck and Arthur visibly gulped and sat down with shaky legs. Tommy kept staring at you though, he thought you were beautiful, but psycho. You intrigued him.

You leaned back in your chair again, leaving the gun on the desk. “Mr.Shelby, I do really hope you enjoyed my gift the other day. Alfie told me it brought… excitement to your family.”

God you were definitely psycho.

Tommy cleared his throat, “Ms.Yilan I-”

You sat back up again, “No no no, Mr.Shelby, that is not my name. Please, call me y/n.”

For a brief moment there, you almost seemed normal. It scared the brothers how easily your emotions changed.

“Right, okay. Let's not even talk about that, okay? Let's just get straight to business. And please, call me Tommy”

“I like the way you think, Tommy.”

And boy did you like the way he looked too.

“First of all Tommy, I do NOT like you coming on to MY land and shooting MY people.” You were getting angry, your eyes were ablaze and your jaw was clenched.

“That man you shot, Tommy, had a family. He had a wife and two daughters, and now I have to spend MY money on them because YOU shot their caretaker. I could be doing so much more with that money.”

Tommy was taken aback with your forwardness, those were not the words he was expecting to hear.

“He charged me with a knife, it was self de-”

“Nonsense Tommy! You could have simply knocked him out, anything but shoot him! He was an innocent man Thomas!”

Tommy sighed, he knew there was no winning this. “You’re right, and I apologize for my mistake.”

John and Arthur looked at each other with wide eyes, Tommy apologized?

“Thank you, but your apology is not accepted, but I do believe we're even.”

Tommy’s brows furrowed, even? How were you even?

This caught Johns interest too, “Even? How do you mean?”

You smirked at all of them and they became concerned, what had you done?

“On your way here, hope you all had a nice trip by the way, I sent two of my women to your town. I told them to do exactly as you did, but add some Viper charm to it. They took my beloved snake Ebony with them, and they allowed her to pick an innocent man, like you had.”

Tommy was definitely confused now, where was this going?

“She did amazing, really. She struck an innocent man in the streets. And I would say that right about now,” you checked your watch, “her venom is kicking in, and he is dying a slow and painful death.” You looked up at the three, flashing them an innocent smile.

“You fucking crazy bitch! What the bloody hell is wrong with you?!” Arthur lunged for you across your desk, Tommy and John trying to stop him.

He grabbed your gun that you left on the table and pointed it straight to your face. All you did was smirk at him.

Tommy pleadingly begged Arthur to put the gun down, but you held up your hand to stop him. He looked at you like you were crazy. Which to be fair, you were.

“Go on Arthur,” you pressed your head closer to the barrel, “I know you want to. Why don’t you pull it, huh? Do the world a favor and get rid of a crazy bitch like me.”

Arthur stared in your eyes, looking for any sign of fear. He found none. He thought about it for a moment, should he do it? After all, the world would be a better place.

He smiled, and pulled the trigger.

But nothing happened, his smile fell when he heard you laughing. He opened the barrel to the gun and found that there were no bullets, you had played him. He backed away and fell back in his chair when you got up. You pulled a gun from the waistband of your trousers and pointed it towards him, shooting a shot that whizzed by his head so he knew this one was full. John flinched, and Tommy reached for his own gun.

You pointed your gun at John and then back at Arthur, “You two, get out. I want to speak to Thomas. Alone.”

They both got up and scurried out the door like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs. You put your gun away which was a sign for Tommy too as well, and you both sat down.

“Now Thomas, lets talk about business, yeah?”

*******************************************************

Almost an hour later you and Tommy had finally come to terms and made a small business deal. It wasn’t anything big, but it was a start. Tommy still sat in front of you, drinking his whiskey that you had poured him. Oddly enough he had grown to like you.

Strangely, so had you.

Tommy put out his cigarette and pointed his drink in your direction, “What’re you doing this Friday y/n?”

You pretended to check your agenda, and smiled at Tommy. “Well, hopefully I’ll being going on a date with a very handsome man.”

He smiled up at you “He must be quite handsome for you to agree.”

“That he is Tommy. How about you?”

He smirked at you through the rim of his drink, “Oh you know, I’m going on a date with one crazy bitch.”

******************************************************

I hope you like it @imthebadguyyy !! Although, I low key hated it😂😂

Have a great day darlings!!❤️❤️❤️

Let me know if y’all want to be added to the taglist!!

@nothingleftthaticando @shadowfoxey

[anghraine]

Pure whining, but:

- My psychiatrist wants me to have a blood test before I go back on my old antipsychotics (I had to go off when I lost insurance while on academic leave). That’s fair, we want to make sure it doesn’t mess up my glucose, which can happen (esp considering my bio dad is diabetic and my maternal grandfather was also). Blood tests are awful for me—once they had to try 17 times to get one(1) usable sample, but it is what it is.

- You’ve got to fast for the glucose test, so I skipped two meals and my usual morning tea (I love tea, but only with milk and sugar, so ;_;)

- A student wanted to meet with me before getting my blood drawn. Fine, okay. She ended up cancelling (for reasons not her fault, but)

- Commuted to my university, but was delayed leaving the house by other people. Got slowed down by road construction, then ended up behind some kind of equipment that went 45 mi the whole way, so barely got to my classes on time.

- Taught two English classes over the next two hours.

- Went to get my blood drawn. Despite carefully making sure to drink water the whole time, my veins were more than usually uncooperative and they couldn’t find anything. Also, it was weirdly painful even though it isn’t, usually. I got so lightheaded during the attempt that they had to tell me to take off my mask three times before I even understood what they were saying. They eventually told me to come back Friday and hopefully we’d have better luck. I trotted off to get an EKG + my vital signs checked while I was there per the psychiatrist’s orders and they couldn’t fit me in, so that is also scheduled for Friday.

- Basically clawed my way to a Starbucks and ordered a chai. I always drink my tea hot, but forgot to specify and got iced tea instead. At that point I’d probably have drunk it if it had cyanide in it, so I just gulped it down and dragged myself back to my office for office hours. I did remember to bring lunch, so at least I have one of my favorite Trader Joe’s meals to get me through until this evening (allegedly two servings of chicken tikka masala, but I’m 100% going to eat both)

- U G H

[mary-ann84]

Warning : Venting ! Not my usual happy go lucky post. Because I have been feeling everything but that. Might be a trigger for some ???

To the people who are going to think jeeezzz why would you write this. Keep scrolling. This is my page.

*****************************************************

Well the last few weeks have been insane and not in a good way.

September 12th

Yes two weeks vacation. Wich means no work for two whole weeks. I was looking forward to that. Because it has been crazy busy lately.

Celebrated my mom's birthday on the 14th.

And then September 18th came. I am at my parents place ready to go to my sister's for my nephews birthday. He turned 9 this year.

Suddenly I do not feel good. My heart is beating like crazy. Blood pressure though the roof. Feeling like crap.

So we call the docterspost. Appointment made.

Sitting in the waiting room with my mom. Anxious as fuck. Trying to keep my cool. Wich some how works.

Doctor checks. Blood pressure is still high. He listens to my heart and longs. But they are fine. Heartbeat had gone down. Was a 104 when I was at my parents and now 76.

He tells me to make an appointment to get my blood drawn and and take a urine sample to my regular doctor. Says to check my blood pressure daily. So I get a blood pressure meter. Wich will be delivered later in the week.

I still go to my nephews birthday. Feeling better then I did

Next day appointment made for getting my blood drawn the next day. And I have to bring a urine sample. Made an other appointment for that Friday for the results.

Blood pressure meter arrives. 3 days of measurements. In the mean time I am not sleeping very well. The rapid beating of my heart from the other day still in my head.

One silver lining no calls about the blood and urine results. And no news means good news in my book.

Cut to Friday. At the docters. First thing he does is take my blood pressure. I fully expected it to be high. Thinking I have what we call here white coat blood pressure. This when normally your blood pressure is fine but as soon as you see a doctor it goes up.

But no bloodpressure and heartbeat are fine.

So I tell him what's going on. What has been going through my head al week. I did to much at work. I said yes one time to many. Ignored signs from my body telling me to slow down. I even got pissed off at the person that makes the work schedules. The last one was an outburst as a result of me feeling she wasn't doing her job.

And I just felt exhausted. Mentally and Physically. Bursting out in tears for no reason what so ever.

And then my doctor asks me what do you want do.

I simply say

"I don't want to do anything."

He looks at me and says

"Ok , then that is what you are going to do."

Sense of relief washes over me. Now the only thing I have to do is contact my boss. Because it's the last Friday of my vacation and I was supposed to back to work on Monday the 26th.

I send her message what's going on. Telling her I can't talk on the phone because it's to emotional for me. And I tell to take me out of the roster for at least the upcoming two weeks.

She sends me a text saying that she is shocked to hear this. But she will do just that and asks if we can talk after the weekend.

And the weekend hits. The knowledge that I do not have to work the upcoming two weeks has brought some relief. But I can tell I am carrying a lot of tension with me. And still somewhat anxious and emotional.

Sunday comes a round and my mom's calls. She tells me she doesn't have great news. And she mentions the name of my sister father in law. And that he has passed away. I am in shock because this is so sudden. Only a week before we where celebrating his grandson's birthday and now he is gone.

The cause heartattack.

The arrangements for the service fall on my sister's shoulder. I want to help but can't. Which sucks.

Last Sunday we got a change to say goodbye. I made my parents go first. And only if he was looking peacefully I would look myself. And that he was. He has small smile on his face. And then on Monday the service. He is being cremated.

A beautiful goodbye it was. My sister spoke. Read a little poem that she had written. She is so strong. I and eventhough it's a sad situation I am proud. Proud of her and her husband. And proud of my nephew. Who kind of knows what's going on but not really. Hasn't asked any questions that I know off. Did tell his fellow classmates at school that opa / grandpa passed away. And when he got see his grandpa for the first time in the casket that was open he was watching from a distance. By the time the service came around he was standing next to it.

Like I said he does not ask. Does not talk about it. But he will come with it on his own.

And then yesterday came. My second appointment with my doctor. Blood pressure again was good.

I told him that I am still tired. That last week I did the dishes and afterwards some laundry and after that my battery was empty.

I am overworked. Dare I say it I have a burn out.

I have to discuss my work situation with my boss and what we call the company doctor. Because my regular doctor has no idea what my work looks like.

So I make a new appointment for two weeks from now. To keep track of my bloodpressure.

I contact my boss. Tell that in the state I am in I can't work. When I tell how , what and when she agrees.

She will set up a meeting with de company doctor. He or she will most likely not have me go back to work fully. Perhaps 2 times a week an hour. That will be more like a visit. But we'll see when I get there.

She has taken me out of the roster for next week. Again some sense of relief.

But during the night I am not able to sleep properly. My heart slightly rapidly beating. But I am able to calm down with meditation and breathing.

My mind is playing tricks tho. I sleep lightly and everytime I feel myself falling deeper into sleep a muscle in my breast clenches. It's not my heart because it's beating steadily. And I am breathing fine. But still it sucks. And I am contemplating of calling the doctor and asks to check just to be sure.

Aah fuck no I am going to call. Maybe it is my mind playing tricks. And I fully think it's my body that is still in full tension and it's my anxienty. The last one sucks by the way. Never in my live have a felt that way.

I want everything go back to normal. I want to be better then I was before. I want to go to work. I want to do so much.

I hate feeling like this. I hate the fact that I am not able to the things that could do so easily. I hate feeling not like myself.

And in order to feel like myself again. I have to take it easy. Manage my energy. Accept that, for now, this is it. I can only do what I can. And if can't then I won't and the only thing I can do is rest.

Biggest lesson I have learned or actually I am still learning.

Listen to your body and put yourself first.

Keep in mind people.

Take care of yourself first and then take care of other's

You are your number one priority

Thank you for reading my ramble. I will keep you updated as I go.

[flowesona]

Wicker Man - yandere! jungkook x reader

so my child @babeejk​ wanted a y! sugar daddy jungkook, and i live for nothing if not to fulfil her jungkook obsession so here we are. 

word count: 2.1k

pairing: y! jungkook x gn! reader

Most people (Y/N)’s age would spend their Friday night partying, hanging out with friends, trying new things. But (Y/N) was spending the best days of their life entertaining a young, rich CEO who would no doubt dump them for a new pretty face in a few years.

Jungkook was a sweet gentleman. Always made payments on time, and usually never pushed the boundaries. But there were instances where his hands crept a little too far for (Y/N)’s liking, or his grip on (Y/N)’s arm got a little too tight in the presence of his friends.

He was peaceful enough that Friday night, having ordered takeout for the two of them and put on a movie. Clearly, he needed the company of (Y/N) more than their body as most of their previous sugar daddies had coveted.

With (Y/N) placing their plate down onto the coffee table and relaxing into his arms to watch the movie, it was almost like they were dating. Jungkook didn’t dare push this idea often, happy to stick to the simple domesticity they had as if they were already in love and nothing needed to be said.

He pressed a kiss on the back of (Y/N)’s neck, enjoying the fleeting feeling of his lips on their skin. 

“You seem tired, baby. Want to go to bed?” The film was reaching its climax, but (Y/N)’s eyes were barely able to stay open.

“Mmmmm.” They replied, not protesting as he lifted them like a bride and carried them into his room to rest on his king sized bed.

(Y/N) had allowed a gentle smile to settle on their lips, their eyes having drifted closed. Jungkook settled himself beside them, feeling equally as at peace.

“I wish every night could be like this.” He mused allowed. “Would you like that, baby?”

(Y/N) was only his for two nights a week - Fridays and Saturdays, wherein he would often have them stay for the night.

“Mmmmm.” (Y/N) gave an ambiguous grumble as he hooked his arms around their chest to spoon them.

“Really? I can’t wait, baby. I love you, so much.”

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

The morning after, (Y/N) woke up to an empty bed. Unusual, considering that Jungkook loved to wake up beside them and talk in the morning. Brushing that aside they stood up and padded out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

Jungkook was seated at the counter, glasses perched on his nose and his laptop in front of him next to a steaming cup of hot water (allegedly, it had health benefits but (Y/N) had never understood it).

“Good morning, baby.” Jungkook had a bright smile, beckoning them to join him at the counter. (Y/N) followed his instructions, hopping onto the stool beside him and leaning on his shoulder in a move they knew he adored.

“I’ve been working hard for you this morning, baby. You know, I want to get this done as soon as possible so we can be together.”

“That’s good.” (Y/N) hummed in reply.

“How do you feel about the moving company getting there at two today? That’ll give us time to have lunch on the way.” Jungkook ran his hand down their arm, soothing them as he noticed how they tensed up.

“What?” 

“So you can move in, baby. Of course, you don’t have to bring everything here and I’ll be more than happy to buy anything extra you need-”

“Wait, wait, wait a second.” (Y/N) breathed out slowly. “Moving in?”

“We talked about it last night. You agreed, didn’t you?” (Y/N) scrunched up their nose, trying to recall the conversation but drawing a blank.

“No, I never agreed to that. And I never would. It’d break the terms of our contract.”

Jungkook had such a sincere look of hurt in his eyes that it tugged at (Y/N)’s heartstrings.

“We don’t need that contract, baby. We just need each other. You know I’ll give you anything you want, right?” 

“And what I want… no, what I need… is for some space. This is just my part time hustle, I still have college and a life outside of this. I want to keep it to two days a week, otherwise it’ll blur the lines between you as a sugar daddy and you as a boyfriend.” (Y/N) tried not to let their irritation show as they spoke.

“Fuck the lines, (Y/N)! We don’t need any of those labels, I just want you to be mine as much as I am yours!” Their companion’s grip on their arm had grown tighter to the point that his nails started to draw blood. Realising this, (Y/N) pried his hand away and stood up.

“I’m sorry if I’d misled you. But I’m not looking for that kind of relationship with you, I’m just looking for strictly business. If this doesn’t work, maybe we should end this.” 

Jungkook stared at them incredulously.

“Well…” He bit his lip, deep in thought. “Fine. Life will go on, I guess. I’ll call up the moving company and cancel it. Let’s not end this beautiful thing we have over a silly argument.”

(Y/N) nodded, although they had a horrible feeling in their stomach that it was not the end of the conversation, and Jungkook would stop at nothing to get his way.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

(Y/N) had chosen to make Thursday a ‘me’ day. They cooked themselves breakfast and lunch, did some online shopping and applied a face mask. They had zero intentions of visiting anyone else, when all they wanted to do was de-stress from life.

As they were lighting a candle and listening to some Beethoven, a shrill alarm rang out.

‘Huh. They don’t normally hold the drill today.’ (Y/N) shrugged, waiting for it to cease. However, it didn’t stop.

After a few minutes, (Y/N) grabbed their phone and stepped outside, only to see people hurrying down the stairs. 

“Hurry! Fire!” One of her neighbours yelled, jogging past them. 

Their eyes widened, but sure enough they could see smoke curling throughout the air and they knew they had no time to lose. Leaving their apartment with only their phone in hand, (Y/N) followed their neighbours down the stairs and out of the building, standing on the pavement as they watched the flames licking at the building and smoke billowing out of the open windows. Soon enough there were fire engines on the scene and ambulances to deal with the people who’d inhaled too much smoke. 

(Y/N) found themselves sitting on the pavement, numb with shock. To think everything they owned was going up in the flames was terrifying, even as they saw the firefighters doing everything to minimise the damage. 

“(Y/N)! Baby!” Their state of shock was broken by someone yelling their name, and suddenly they were pulled into a tight hug.

“Baby, thank god you’re okay. I don’t know what I would’ve done if something happened to you.” 

“Jungkook?” (Y/N) instantly recognised the voice. “What- How-”

“I was in the area when I heard about what happened. I came as quickly as I could.” Jungkook pressed a kiss to (Y/N)’s forehead. 

“You need to rest. Come back to my place, okay?”

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

(Y/N) had ended up staying there far longer than intended. Their apartment had been completely wrecked by the fire, since it had started on their floor. Every possession of theirs, gone so quickly, although of course Jungkook insisted on replacing whatever they wanted.

Jungkook seemed to be very much content with their prolonged stay. In fact, he’d been working from home for the first few days to make sure they were settled in and not feeling too lonely. (Y/N) would sit with him in his home office, since they didn’t really have much else to do, and scroll on their phone until he inevitably called them over to cuddle with him. 

The young man had become progressively bolder with his skinship, never holding back from pressing kisses to their neck or holding them a bit too tightly to his crotch. They hadn’t done ‘it’ yet, but with how he was acting it was only a matter of time. 

They were just sitting together, (Y/N) scrolling through instagram and Jungkook answering some emails when the desk phone rang. Jungkook reached around them to answer it, holding it to his ear for a few seconds before putting it back down.

“Your nintendo switch has just been delivered. I need to go down to the lobby and sign for it. Are you okay waiting here for a few minutes?” Jungkook pouted, as (Y/N) nodded in reply.

He pressed a kiss to their cheek before standing up.

“Don’t miss me too much, baby.” He smiled before leaving. 

(Y/N) let out a breath they didn’t realise they’d been holding in whilst he was there. But now, they were bored as ever. 

A chime rang out, and (Y/N) found their attention drawn to Jungkook’s phone, sitting there innocently. They reached over and picked it up, only seeing a text from his mother asking about dinner plans next week. But they noted how he’d changed his lockscreen to a picture of them, from a few nights ago when they’d accompanied him to a formal event and he’d asked one of his colleagues to take a picture of them together.

(Y/N) suddenly had something to do. They set about trying to unlock Jungkook’s phone, first trying their fingerprint and face ID but to no avail. Then, realising that he had a numeral password they tried typing in a few dates - his birthday, his parent’s anniversary. Then, out of sheer boredom and with only one attempt they tried their own birthday only for them to be granted access to his lockscreen.

‘Jeez, he needs to get a life if he’s that whipped for me.’ They sighed, as they scrolled through his phone. Nothing was particularly out of the ordinary, until they checked the photo gallery, to be met with tons of pictures of them. Screenshots from social media, snaps from their ‘dates’, selfies with them fast asleep in his arms. It was enough to make (Y/N) shudder with fright.

Another message popped up.

‘I need the other half of the payment, sir, or I will be contacting the police.’

(Y/N) clicked on it, expecting business talk only to be met with something else entirely. Fear settled in their stomach as they scrolled up through the messages.

‘(Y/N) has been evacuated outside, doesn’t seem to have been hurt.’

‘Someone’s called emergency services, but the fire should spread far enough that (Y/N)’s apartment will be damaged.’

‘I’ve started it, it’s spreading quickly.’

It didn’t take a genius to realise what had happened. 

(Y/N) dropped Jungkook’s phone on the floor in shock, standing up immediately. They’d walked right into his arms without hesitation, they’d played into his plan perfectly. Jungkook always got what he wanted, no matter the cost.

‘I have to get out of here.’

(Y/N) started for the door, only stopping to tuck their phone into their pocket. They were just by the entrance to the penthouse when they heard talking outside.

They knew they had to hide, but it was too late. 

Jungkook burst through the door, accompanied by a stern faced delivery driver carrying a large box. This was subsequently placed by the door and he made a swift exit, avoiding (Y/N)’s existence the entire time.

“Ah, baby I missed you. Here, come and see what I bought for you.” Jungkook beckoned to them, but one look at their face told him he’d read their mood entirely wrong.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He cooed as he approached them. “Tell me, and I’ll fix it for you.”

“Get the hell away from me.” (Y/N) snapped. Jungkook froze. “I know what you did. What the hell is wrong with you? I could’ve died in that fire?”

His face became stern.

“I would never have allowed that to happen. I just wanted to give you a little push to move in with me, that’s all.” 

“You’re insane!”

“And you’re too stubborn to progress our relationship!” Jungkook bit back. “Can’t you see how hard I try to make you happy? Is that not enough for you to love me?”

“I never want to see you again.” (Y/N) huffed, trying to show past him only to be caught in his iron grip. 

“You’re not going anywhere.”

(Y/N) struggled, but Jungkook’s determination was stronger than their body weight.

“Maybe I am crazy, baby. And you know what that means?” He leant in close, so (Y/N) could feel the warmth of his breath. “You never know what I’m going to do next. So don’t try me unless you want to get burnt.”

[honeypiehotchner]

Looking Too Closely (Bucky x Fem!Stark!Reader) -- part three

I did not expect to get so invested in this damn fic but here I am :))

Summary: The one in which Tony invites you to the “family dinner” but you sleep through it. Also, the “Father Test,” as Tony calls it.

Warnings: angst (what’s new?), talk of food/eating (so sorry, I should’ve tagged this a lot sooner!), medical stuffs (needles, blood being drawn)

A few hours pass by slowly as you doze, floating in between sleep and consciousness, both places completely unsoothing to you.

You wake abruptly when FRIDAY’s voice echoes throughout the room. “Do Not Disturb overridden by Tony Stark.”

With a groan, you sit up, listening to Tony knock — though surprised that he even does.

“Come in,” you sigh.

The door swings open and Tony opens his mouth to speak, but stops when he sees you on the floor. “What…” He glances between you and the bed, giving you an incredulous look. “What’s wrong with the perfectly new bed I gave you?”

“The least of your concerns should be that I’m taking a nap on the floor,” you deadpan. “What do you want?”

“Dinner will be ready in a few,” he says, still looking at you all concerned. “We have a family dinner once a week to...build rapport.”

You raise an eyebrow.

He continues. “You live here now, so...you’re invited. Wanda and Pepper will be there. Bucky, too.” Tony pauses. “Bucky didn’t bother you earlier, did he?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, good.”

“You bothered me, Tony.”

“Right,” Tony nods. “Sorry about that. I shouldn’t have brought that stuff up. I should’ve just been happy that you’re okay.” He pauses again, like he’s having trouble putting all the words together. “I am, by the way. Glad you’re okay. I’m sorry you went through that.”

“Thanks,” you say slowly. “You don’t have to worry about it.”

Tony offers a half-smile, half-grimace, because what you don’t know is that he has FRIDAY currently working on a full, extensive background check on your mom. And you, but your mom is top priority. Ever since the conversation in MedBay earlier, he’s been worried. For your safety — both past, present, and future. But he’s also worried about who you really are — and the worst worry of all is that you might not even know.

“Anyway, dinner in a few,” he says. “Nothing fancy. Come as you are, all that bullshit.”

You snicker at his reference.

He tries not to think of it as too much of a win. “Oh and,” he points to the bed, “it really is new. No one’s slept in it before you. And you can adjust the settings on it — softness, heating, cooling, all that. Just,” he pauses again. “FRIDAY, will you show Y/N the control panel?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark.”

Your eyes widen when a hologram appears next to the bed, projected onto the wall. There, all the settings — and many more — that Tony mentioned are shown.

“When you get it set where you like, FRIDAY can save it for you,” he explains. “Just for whenever you feel like sleeping in a bed again. I guess.”

“Thank you,” you murmur, looking over at him. “Really, thank you, Tony.”

“No problem, munchkin.” He smiles fully this time as he leaves, closing your door. And to your surprise, he activates Do Not Disturb again.

Food is the last thing on your mind, so instead you head over to the hologram on the wall.

You spend the next hour and a half fixing the settings. Once you get it just right, though, you lie down and you sleep.

Soundly. For five hours.

+++

When you wake again, you’re confused and disoriented to find yourself sleeping in a bed. But you love that your back, shoulders, and hips aren’t screaming in pain for once.

One glance out the window tells you that you’ve definitely missed the dinner Tony invited you to, but you don’t care all that much. You’ve met everyone individually. You didn’t really need or want to go to a big dinner. It seemed pointless.

But, unfortunately, you are hungry, so you drag yourself out of bed to go to the kitchen in search of something resembling food.

One glance at the clock in the hall tells you it’s just past midnight, so you relax even more, knowing you won’t encounter anyone.

Or at least, you hoped.

There, leaned against the kitchen counter, straight up guzzling a glass of water, is Bucky.

At least it’s him, you think.

Bucky smiles gently when he sees you coming. “Hey.”

You offer a slight nod and a quiet “Hey” in return, going straight to the fridge.

“Oh, the plate in there is yours,” he says. “Top shelf.”

You look up and spot it, your eyes widening as you grab it. Did they eat monstrous portions here or something? It must weigh five pounds or something crazy.

As if reading your mind, Bucky says, “Sorry there’s so much. I think Tony went overboard.”

You blink down at the food. Tony made you a plate? You expected Pepper to do it, if anyone. Quite frankly, you weren’t expecting it at all. You figured they wouldn’t even notice your absence.

Bucky wordlessly steps to the side, giving you access to the microwave. It even looks expensive, which makes you snort. It’s touchscreen. Of-fucking-course.

“We missed you at dinner,” Bucky says. You didn’t know he liked to talk this much.

“I fell asleep,” you confess with a laugh. “Tony uh, showed me the controls for the bed.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. “No more sleeping on the floor for you, then?”

You shrug.

“I sleep on the floor most nights, too,” Bucky continues, taking in a deep breath. “It’s just…”

“Normal,” you finish quietly.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “It feels normal.”

You turn back to the microwave, opening the door a second before it beeps. The food is warm enough now, you guess. Where the hell are the forks, though?

After opening two drawers, Bucky realizes what you’re looking for. “Here.” He opens the drawer across from you and pulls out a fork.

“Thanks,” you murmur, taking it from him. “Night.”

He nods and gives a slight wave. “Night.”

+++

The next day, Pepper stops by your room with a ton of clothes, shoes, and a phone.

“Uhm, thanks…”

“I know it’s a lot,” she smiles gently. “And if you don’t like anything, just let me know. Or if I didn’t get anything that you need, let me know, too.” She pauses. “You don’t have to do it now.”

“Okay,” you sigh, trying not to feel overwhelmed, but it’s hard. There’s like...fifteen bags on your bed right now. Not to mention the boxes of shoes that are stacked on the floor. And the new phone, still in the box, that you’re holding in your hand.

Pepper points to the phone. “It should have my number, Tony’s number, and the rest of the Avengers programmed in there. You’ll see one named Happy, that’s just Tony’s assistant, just in case. You don’t have to talk to everyone on there, but they do have your number as well. It’s all a precautionary thing. Oh, and the phone can be tracked.” She pauses, lowering her voice. “Just a heads up. In case Tony goes crazy.”

You smile at that. “Thanks.” As if he hasn’t already gone crazy and driven you closer to insanity, too.

“Speaking of Tony,” she says. “He’s willing to do the paternity test whenever you are.”

“Okay,” you nod. “Is today good?”

Pepper blinks. “I don’t see why not.”

“Okay, just...I’ll put some clothes on first.” You’re still wearing what Wanda gave you.

“Yeah, of course,” she nods. “I’ll let Tony know and whenever you’re ready, you can just ask FRIDAY to take you to the lab.”

“Okay.”

Pepper leaves you be, while you get dressed, and it takes you a lot longer than you were expecting.

There are so many clothes.

After finding something somewhat comfortable (and because you’re tired of looking through the bags), you grab your phone, though it feels foreign having it in your pocket.

“FRIDAY...where is the lab?”

“If you head to the elevator, I’ll take you there.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course, Y/N.”

Following FRIDAY’s orders, you head to the elevator and step inside. The doors close and the elevator begins to move, and when it stops, the doors behind you open.

“Welcome to Mr. Stark’s lab.”

Hesitantly, you step off, and you’re met with blaring music.

“Really?” You scream, and Tony lifts his head. “AC/DC? Really?”

The volume lowers a little while Tony replies. “You know your music. I’m impressed.”

“I’m disappointed,” you say. “I prefer Pink Floyd.”

Tony smirks. ‘Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2’ begins to play. You hate that you grin, but you do.

“Much better,” you comment. “Pepper told me to come here?”

He nods. “Right, the Father Test.”

You snort. Of course he calls it that.

“We’ll have to head down to MedBay to do it. I’ll be done in just a second.” He taps something on the screen before looking back up. “Did Pepper give you your phone?”

“Yeah.” You pull the device from your pocket and wave it. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

“I’m not gonna leave you stranded without a phone,” Tony replies. “Also, just for the foreseeable future, don’t leave the Tower without someone. Preferably without me.”

You furrow your eyebrows. You hadn’t thought about leaving and going anywhere until now. “Why?”

“Well, for one, you have an arrest warrant,” he reminds you. “They won’t question it if I’m with you. Which is why it needs to be me — Steve is also fine. But, let’s say, if you left with Bucky, they wouldn’t hesitate to grab both of you.”

“Wasn’t he pardoned or something?”

“Doesn’t mean no one holds a grudge against him.”

You nod. “Right.” Then, you reel back. “So you’re not going to turn me in?”

He shrugs. “I believe you. Even though you won’t tell me who stabbed you.” He taps something else, then drags the screen, and a hologram appears right in front of him.

You roll your eyes. “Because I don’t know who they were. I told you.”

“And I still think you’re lying,” he retorts.

You glare at him through the hologram.

A few more minutes pass where all that fills the silence is Pink Floyd. You’re not complaining, but even Tony’s breathing is grating to your ears.

Once he’s finally finished with whatever the hell he was doing, he heads to the elevator, and you silently follow him.

+++

This time when you enter MedBay, it’s empty, aside from the on-site doctor, Dr. Cho.

“Here for the Father Test,” Tony quips, smirking when Dr. Cho rolls her eyes at him.

You like Dr. Cho already.

“Alright,” she says, putting a pause on what she was doing. “It’s just a simple cheek swab and a little blood.”

“Blood?” You ask. You hate having your blood drawn. Not because of the needle, but because of the idea of your blood being drawn out of your body and used for things you’re unaware of.

It’s creepy.

“Just a small amount,” Dr. Cho assures you with a soft smile. “It acts as a double-check for the paternity test. The cheek swab can give us a general yes or no, but blood is definitive.”

You agree, you just hate it.

First is the cheek swab and Dr. Cho lets you do it, probably sensing your anxiety. She refuses to let Tony do his on his own, but that probably has something to do with how much of a child he is.

Tony gets his blood drawn first, and it is too short for your liking, because once he’s done, Dr. Cho preps you.

Your head is turned the other way while she wipes your skin. Tony moves into your line of vision, and you’re ready to tell him to fuck off before he teases you, but he doesn’t.

He just talks to you.

“Barnes told me you fell asleep yesterday.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “Yeah. That’s why I missed dinner. He said you made a plate for me?”

“I did,” Tony nods. “I didn’t want you to go hungry.”

“I could tell,” you snort. “There was enough food on the plate to feed four of me.”

He chuckles. “Did you at least eat?”

“Yeah, I did,” you say. “It was good.”

“Good. How’s the bed?”

“Really good,” you say. “Thanks for showing me the controls and stuff.”

“No problem,” he shrugs. “Nat asked me earlier if you’d like to train with her and Wanda.”

“Train?”

“Yeah, train, workout, whatever you want to call it. Barnes and Rogers usually run if that’s more your speed, Wilson, too, when he’s here.”

“Who’s Wilson?”

“Sam,” Tony fills in. “Falcon.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“He’s in...Louisiana right now, but he should be back here in a few days, so you’ll meet him.” He pauses. “But...stay away from him.”

“Why?”

“He’s...flirty.”

You nearly wheeze. “Are you joking?”

“Nope,” he shakes his head. “I’ve been meaning to say that about Barnes, too. I don’t care if you talk to him. I think it’s good for him — and you. But don’t…” He waves his hands in an ambiguous manner.

“Tony, the absolute last thing on my mind right now is a boyfriend, but even if it was, why would you have any say in it?” You counter.

“Because I know them, and I don’t want them anywhere near you,” he says, like that’s the end of it. “All done, Dr. Cho?”

“All done,” she confirms, and that’s when you feel her pressing a Band-Aid over your skin.

Your head whips around. You didn’t even feel the needle go in or out. What the fuck?

You look back at Tony with a small smile. “Well played.”

“You’re welcome,” he smirks. “Though, I wasn’t kidding.”

You roll your eyes. “Not even Nat or Wanda?”

He looks surprised, but still shakes his head. “Still no.”

“Darn. My plans have been foiled.”

This time when he looks at you, he smiles.

As the two of you are walking to the elevator, he says, “Want to help me in the lab? I’ll let you control the music — just this once.”

You almost say yes, but you’re not really in the mood. “No, thanks though. I really should go through all the clothes Pepper brought me.”

“Ah, right,” he nods. “She told me she went shopping.”

“Yeah…” You exhale. “She went.”

You step onto the elevator after him, and he presses the floors for you and the lab.

“You know, Wanda might help you sort through the clothes if you ask. She might wear whatever you don’t want.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll ask.”

“She’s training right now, though.”

You nod. “Okay. It can wait, I guess.”

Tony rocks on his heels. “I could really use an extra set of hands…”

You roll your eyes. “Fine.”

He grins. “You still want to control the music?”

“There’s no way I’m letting you play AC/DC the whole time.”