#i have this weird allergic reaction where my mouth gets like. itchy when i eat like nuts and fruit

[natjennie]

ate somethign i knew would make my mouth angry, telling myself it wouldnt bother me later. now here i am, with an angry mouth. bothered.

[bunnyseahorse-blog]

So I’m hella allergic to where tortoises live lol

About a year ago, I started getting a red itchy rash on my body. I tried every cream, and got rid of everything with fragrance in my skin care routine, switched to better deodorant. No improvement, and it was NOT CUTE but so then I started having small allergic reactions to things like cucumbers and melon, and then bigger reactions to stuff like avocado and banana to and almonds and latex, so I went to an allergist.

I got tested for 89 foods, and 79 environmental things like pollen and molds and animals. I was right about things I already reacted to, and also apparently shellfish, which I don’t eat, anyways so... They test you for allergies by poking you on your back with a needle that has little samples of the possible allergen, and it’s safe but like so many pokes! They did food in one session and pollen in the other. They score the allergic reaction by the size of hive you get at each poke spot.

Almonds make my mouth tingle and swell, and I got a 4 on em. Clams I got a 5 and was told not to eat ever again. No loss. They look weird.

I went back to get the pollen test, and I scored basically nothing lower than a 7. And on hay... I scored A FORTY ONE. 

I scored several 20′s and up. The lady doing the test, was like “this is the worst I have seen.”

So then later in the week, I went to an event where they had tortoises  that you could watch be fed.

I was like “oh cool” but when I went to the room, I saw they had lots of hay in there, and I was like maybe it’s okay dokey if I don’t touch it, and then my throat felt tight like upon a minute of being near hay, and I felt sort of wheezy and gross, so my friends, I left the room.

Again, body? Wtf? I wanna live a long life, and die in my sleep super old but not from a hay or clam allergy. Lame

[meditating-dog-lover]

Update (health)

So good and bad news.

I met with a functional medicine doctor today! I was able to order some functional testing that will help me with my eczema. I'm so happy and the consultation was extremely helpful and beneficial.

I'm very happy I'm in a privileged position where I am able to access and afford functional medicine doctors for my chronic condition instead of only having access to in-network dermatologist who over-prescribe steroids.

I also met with my therapist right after my consultation and spoke about some stuff and did an EMDR session (I used vibrating hand wraps for the bilateral stimulation, not actual eye movement).

That all went well. I then go home and everything was fine as well. I walked my dogs. We did have a presentation at work today and had Panera catering boxes, and I took one. I took a bite of the sandwich when I got home, only for me to develop a scratchy throat and pain in my mouth. It turned out the sandwich had hummus in it and I didn't even know. I'm more reactive to tahini than I am to sesame. I am very allergic to all sesame products. So I took Benadryl immediately, which does help me. Unfortunately I was feeling unwell and nauseous. I couldn't comfortably eat the rest of my food (I made something else to eat). I ended up vomiting (twice), which never happened to me before due to an allergic reaction. It was to the point where I was gagging and nothing was coming out because I cleared out whatever I had left in my stomach.

And because of that, I had to retake Benadryl because I assumed I vomited the first dose out. I was fine for an hour, I had some stomach discomfort and some throat itchiness and tightness, but nothing too bad and I knew it was getting better. I got sick again, worrying I vomited the second dose of Benadryl out. But I started feeling sleepy, which is a side effect of the Benadryl. So it means that I've absorbed it despite all the vomiting. My mom called my grandmother (retired nurse) for some advice and she said I'll be fine.

Thankfully my allergies can be managed by Benadryl. But I do have an Epipen and need to get a prescription for another one because my insurance didn't want to cover my initial prescription. So I'll call my allergist tomorrow so we can get this sorted out. I never had to use one, mainly because Benadryl has always helped me and I don't like the idea of sticking a needle into my skin myself. However in the event of a serious allergic emergency I will, and thankfully that was a never an issue. Even after today's horrible reaction, Benadryl on its own did the trick. Though Benadryl and any other OTC antihistamines won't help some people with allergies and they will need to use something stronger like an Epipen.

I did take a short nap, and now I'm feeling much better and was able to eat and drink water. I made sure to eat and drink enough because I knew I had cleared everything out, so I was definitely hungry and thirsty. No weird reactions from that, thankfully.

I feel great now. In general I am in great health and feel great, despite my eczema. So whenever I feel sick or something happens, it feels like absolute hell to me because I'm not used to the feeling. It really is a privilege. So when I have an allergic reaction, it does feel like hell. I'm so thankful there are medication out there than can save my life when stuff like this happens, and put me out of any pain or discomfort. Allergic reactions are so uncomfortable. I'm happy I feel better. I'm also thankful I'm not allergic to foods that are very common. Sesame products are found in foods like breads, sandwiches, trail and party mixes, and dips. But they can be easily avoided on my part. But shit happens.

I also developed a rash on my face and my hands started to itch (but not in the form of a full eczema flareup). Speaking of which, my skin is doing fine and the redness and bad dryness is gone. I do have some dry areas and tiny cuts, and the skin areas that were broken during my flareup from 2 weekends ago are healing. But they are still there and will bleed again sometimes (I applied sunscreen on my hands and face today and the mechanical force of my rubbing my hands caused the skin to break and bleed again, which is annoying). But the skin is healing and my palms completely healed. There is minimal dryness, not as bad as it used to be. I have more skin softness in areas that used to be covered in skin flakes. I am back to using cocamidopropyl betaine containing soaps, as I don't think that's the ultimate root cause of my skin issue.

My functional medicine doctor says there is a link between the gut microbiome and eczema, which I also believe in. The traditional treatment method is steroid medication, which is anti-inflammatory. Same with flaxseed oil, which is a natural treatment. Both are anti-inflammatory, but they're not anti-microbial. Doctors recommend patients with eczema to do bleach baths, and bleach is an antimicrobial agent. This leads me to believe that it is recommended because eczema has a microbial source. For example, people with eczema do have staph. aureus on their skin. In my case that could be why my flaxseed oil wasn't a perfect solution. It could be due to the presence of bad gut microbes that trigger skin microbiome imbalances (the presence of staph) and cause eczema. It's also rooted in microbiome imbalances, not just inflammation. Those imbalances do cause inflammation though. My doctor recommended I do the GI MAP test, I can't wait to test it out because I've heard a lot of people with eczema say it helped them. I also did a skin culture test yesterday at my derm office despite using some antibiotics since last week. We'll see how those turn out.

Also my dog today noticed I was not feeling well and jumped on me to cheer me up (she's so empathetic). I was feeling nauseous and had throat tightness and just felt awful in general because of my allergic reaction. In the process of her jumping on me, her nail scratched one of my skin lesions and it hurt so bad. I got upset because of the pain and felt bad afterwards because it wasn't her fault. She is feeling fine now.

I'm also experiencing some tooth sensitivity which I do experience from time to time on random occasions (usually my upper right teeth). I have gum recession and bleeding there and in general throughout some areas in my mouth (nothing severe), so this can be the cause of this sensitivity. I went to the dentist less than 2 months ago and did xrays and was told I have no cavities. And my hygienist spent an hour cleaning out my gums which was so satisfying. So I really need to stop worrying about my teeth. I have dental trauma due to bad experiences with dentists. I had a dentist who damaged my permanent molar when I was 14, and dentists who were patronizing and awful and some who recommended unnecessary procedures because "I trusted them because they're doctors and they know what's best". I feel like this harmed my teeth, and it sucks because teeth cannot heal like skin can. So any damage or procedures are lifelong. Thankfully I did a lot to improve my dental and gum care by upgrading my toothbrush and floss, using toothpaste with xylitol, supplementing with D3/K2 and magnesium and avoiding a lot of junk food, and getting a tongue-tie release to promote nasal breathing and avoid dry mouth. And I saw a new caring and educated dental team. I've healed a lot but not 100% of course. Just because I'm mainly focused on eczema, it doesn't mean I've healed from any psychological dental trauma, even if my teeth improved by the above mentioned methods and using a quality toothpaste that removes occlusal stains. It will get better with time and I know it because I did a lot to help myself and my new dental team is very caring and helpful. It's like they set a new standard for me.

I've been still intermittent fasting (not today though given the emergency I was in), but I've been doing great. Again I'm heavily focused on my eczema now, but the IF is going well. I'm eating mostly healthy and have been doing so since last April (almost a year). I used to get sugary coffees and eat chocolate and Crumbl cookies and Chick Fil A along with it, and full bags of chips. It's gotten better. I cannot say my diet is 100% perfect, and no one has a perfect diet. But it's definitely pretty healthy overall and I do take supplements to fill in any gaps. But my current diet is so much better than my old one, at least I can be proud of that. Believe me there is nothing cute about sugar addiction. I have hidden boxes full of cookies in my bedroom closet. I have not had healthy eating habits growing up, and I'm working on breaking that cycle. Whether it be overeating and eating a lot of sugar and junk. I'm eating better portions now and IF helps with that, and I do eat healthy overall. I even had some Crumbl over the course of a few weeks 2-3 weeks ago and even that was too sweet and too large of a portion. Thankfully I don't eat there that often. I did deal with some cravings recently and it could be a period thing (I no longer really get premenstrual cravings though).

Once I get my eczema out of the way, I can possibly see how I can improve my diet if really needed (I don't think it needs too much improvement). I am a picky eater though and eat the same stuff all the time. Some healthy foods I do not like, even junk foods. So while those foods may be healthy, nutritious, and filling, I may not be fully satiated because I personally didn't like them. I wish I enjoyed a wider diversity of healthy foods. That's something I can work on. I do eat the same fruit, yogurt, nuts, dark chocolate (my absolute favorite), bread, potatoes, cheese, etc... daily. Working on diversity can help a lot. But I'm happy to report my eating improved a lot. I feel like I wasn't super focused on my diet because of my current eczema mess. Though once that's out of the way, things will go back to normal. I do take supplements to fill in any dietary gaps, but I don't believe they replace a healthy diet. They just "supplement". I'll get my cholesterol and sugar evaluated in a few months when I'm due for my blood work. I hope I'm in the normal range (I already am anyways). I do want to be honest with my sugar and cholesterol levels and consumption. My functional medicine doctor also wants me to do some additional blood work, specifically for certain vitamin levels, so I'll be doing that too.

Walking is phenomenal for blood sugar too. So is stress reduction But given my poor dietary history, I want to work on my A1C/blood sugar and cholesterol, which are already in good ranges. I will continue the IF and healthy eating and supplementation to fix any gaps. This "reversal" in food perception and psychology, and how I evaluate my health results, will take time. I'm just happy I'm a lot healthier now and I love intermittent fasting.

My sleep has gotten better since I started working. I also drink a lot of water. But really, I feel like intermittent fasting and eating healthy and eating less sugary and fatty foods and supplementing helps a lot with my general wellness and my blood sugar and cholesterol. I'm someone who ate poorly growing up, so this change will make me feel so much better without feeling deprived. Even having no dental issues is something new to me, so I'm benefiting from new things in my healing journey and it's great. I now nasal breathe and take my fat soluble vitamins and magnesium like it's a daily routine (well breathing is something you do 24/7, it's just that I'm able to nasal breathe comfortably, even when I sleep). And I'm going to address my gut health of course, which will really help my eczema. And stress management helps too, which I'm currently working on and my new therapist is so helpful. Things will get better. 1 bad day of an allergic reaction won't ruin the rest of my life. I feel better now thankfully.

[lesbianroach]

i have no basis for this hc besides the fact that i think itd be fucking hilarious for Jaskier to be the allergy kid, where hes just allergic to fucking everything — but he also just doesn’t give a shit??

his first couple weeks on the trail with Geralt, they stop by a tavern for the night and they’re offered some bread and cheese and meats, and Jaskier sees the cheese and just starts shoveling it into his mouth, then five minutes later he’s in the alley puking his guts up and Geralt is like “What the fuck did they drug you????” and Jaskier has to look him in the eye and tell a witcher that he’s lactose intolerant or smth and Jaskier walks back inside to start eating more cheese bc he’ll be damned if he gives up cheese of all things while traveling with this man.

he’s allergic to citrus — and is aware of it — and still buys orange scented perfumes and soaps and after seeing the way Jaskier breaks out in rashes and hives whenever he uses it, Geralt has to pin him to the ground and pour them out so that way Jaskier doesn’t get to use them “I don’t care that you think they smell good, you’re having a fucking allergic reaction you idiot” and Jaskier gives him the cold shoulder. The next morning, he picks up some oranges from the market to eat while they walk to the next town and they have a fucking stand off in the middle of the road, staring each other down because Jaskier you’re allergic, you could die and Geralt I’m going to eat this fucking orange and my mouth is going to get incredibly itchy and im going to enjoy it

he’s also fucking allergic to grass?? Like how convenient, a traveling bard, allergic to fucking grass. His ankles and knees get really itchy and when they sleep, he wakes up with a rash on the side of his face that Geralt slaps some sort of salve on and says lets get moving. Along with the grass is hay, he’s only mildly allergic to it, but whenever he feeds Roach, or they have to sleep in a hayloft, he gets super snotty and sneezy and teary so Geralt is usually okay with spending a little extra coin to keep Jaskier from all that shit in order for him to sleep in an actual bed.

He’s allergic to most animals, including Roach, which makes their relationship even more strained, but he’ll still brush her down and kiss her nose and braid her mane like she deserves even if his eyes are so itchy and teary he can barely see her.

Fish? of any sort? Out of the fucking question. If he’s even within 10ft of fish, his throat will start to swell and thats one of the ones Geralt takes most seriously “Jaskier I don’t care if you haven’t had seared trout since you were six, I am not giving you fish. I am actually going to make sure you’re never near a fish ever fucking again? Understand? You’re not dying over fish.”

Hes incredibly sensitive to nuts, an when Geralt pisses him off, sometimes Jaskier will shove his hand into Roach’s saddlebag and pull out a handful of nuts and just give Geralt a look, before shoving them in his mouth — usually Geralt will start apologizing or trying to reason with Jaskier that the hives and the vomit are not worth it, but Jaskier very much disagrees.

The first time he’s brought to Kaer Morhen, Jaskier plays “how many witchers can I scare before I get in trouble with Geralt” and the game doesn’t last long. They don’t find it nearly as funny — Lambert thinks its kinda funny once he realizes Jaskier is totally fine and doing it to fuck with Geralt, bc he loves fucking w Geralt, but if he ended up killing his bard within days of meeting him, that wouldn’t have ended well with anybody — as Jaskier does. They all think they’ve killed Geralts precious little songbird but Geralt walks over like “Jaskier, I will step on your dick if you don’t cut it out. I literally told you we have plenty of stuff that’s safe for you to eat, stop eating cheese at every fucking given moment.”

They have a little “What exactly is this weird child allergic to” meeting and Jaskier keeps giving bullshit items like im allergic to running laps around the keep and im deathly allergic to Geralt’s attitude when he hasn’t gotten his beauty sleep and Valdo Marx (which no one has any clue who that is but Jaskier thinks he’s a comedic fucking genius) and eventually the list gets pinned by the kitchen, where Jaskier can add newly discovered allergies to it — which he doesn’t do, he just doodles and crosses things off whenever hes in the mood to eat something that makes his mouth itch — and everyone can make sure they don’t feed the bard death food.

[lilbit-of-kizzy]

Hey so Ethan/@crankgameplays posted a video about his allergy scares last week and I just had a chance to watch it and I have things to say!! This is long but I urge you to read it (and call me out if I'm wrong!! I tried to look up things I wasn't sure about!!)

So here is a long/basic allergy tutorial from someone who has allergies and a mother who worked for an allergist for many years as a nurse!

Histamines: these are what cause your basic allergic reactions, they cause the swelling and the itching. Most people for example are allergic to mosquitoes, and have a histomic reaction to the mosquito bite. Mosquitoes release a substance to technically numb the pain of the bite and most people are allergic to that substance and therefore have an allergic reaction. Your histamines cause that reaction, an itch and swelling. Some people are highly allergic to mosquito bites and will have varying degrees of an histomic reaction, I'm sure there's some people out there who have anaphylactic reactions to mosquitoes.

Antihistamines: basically tell your histamines to chill out. They come in varying strengths from your daily pill (Zyrtec, Xyzal, Allegra, Claritin) to your emergency or once in a while pill (like Benadryl). For example some people who have bad reactions to poison ivy will take a Benadryl, while people with a dust or pollen allergy might take Zyrtec everyday.

Epinephrine: epinephrine is a type of adrenaline. The reason that Ethan said it doesn't cause a real problem if you don't need it, is because he's never had it when he didn't need it. You will have the racing heart and other symptoms that come with a rise in adrenaline. While you probably won't bleed out from an epi needle, because you or whoever will be able to put pressure on it and it's not that big of a hole, you can cause hypertension and death if it happens to go into a vein (which is hard to do but can happen, use it on the outter thigh). Ethan never had any symptoms when his was used when he "didn't really need it", because his heart rate was already slowed/sped up so the rise in heart rate and other symptoms of an adrenaline boost didn't register, because he did technically need it. He's right that if you accidentally give it you'll probably be fine, but you still want to call a doctor and make them aware of the situation and let them decide what you need to do.

Other types of allergic reactions: We all know the classic signs, itchy, throat/other kinds of swelling, eyes watering/itching etc. But you can also have: coughing, sneezing, sniffly nose, itchy palms/bottoms of your feet, nausea, vomiting, severe diarrhea, heartburn/indigestion/acid reflux, itchy mouth/insides (the weirdest one honestly) and others. None of these necessarily mean you're going into anaphylactic shock, in fact there are very few allergens that cause anaphylactic shock. Things like insect stings/bites, nut allergies, and dairy/egg allergies are some of the worst for anaphylaxis. Other things can cause it but those are your worst offenders. Most other allergies are just annoying, they can be debilitating sometimes but they're not necessarily going to cause death.

What to do if you experience allergies: go see an allergist! Even if you're like "well it's only for like a month I get a little sniffly" still go! You may think you just constantly have a heartburn when you eat one food, but you could be allergic to it and there are ways to avoid the heartburn so you can still eat your favorite foods! Don't be afraid of the allergy test, there are two, one where they prick your back and one where they test your blood. The blood test doesn't test as much as the prick test though, and most normal doctor's offices will go with the blood test, so be sure to see an allergist. They'll ask a lot of questions to try and figure out what you might be allergic to, to figure out what they ought to put in the test. Then they put little drops of the allergen onto itty bitty little needles and prick your back. There are going to be one or two places where it's going to "hurt" but for the most part it's like running your fingernail over a spot of skin. Make sure you bring some hydrocortisone with you to slather all over your back when they're done, but make sure they tell you they're done before you do that!! Tell them that's what you're going to do. They'll honestly probably do it for you. They then measure the size of each reaction to determine whether or not you are allergic to a substance and whether or not that's what's bothering you. (So if you put hydrocortisone on before they're done they won't get an accurate measure) It's actually kinda of neat to see yor back all splotchy lol. Some allergies can be fixed with shots, which are not as bad as they seem, some just need daily medication.

Different allergies: if someone tells you they are allergic to a food and then proceed to eat the food you don't necessarily need to panic. I, for example, am allergic to rice. But I don't have an anaphylactic response, it just upsets my stomach if I eat too much. Before I figured out what was wrong I was throwing up almost daily. While there's no specific shot or pills for rice, getting all my other allergies in check helped the rice not be so bad. I was also allergic to dust which there are shorts for, and once I got that under control, stopped eating rice all the time, and started taking an acid reflux medication, I was able to start eating rice again without any problems (again as long as I didn't eat it all the time) When it comes to environmental allergies there often are shots for those. These can also cause some pretty serious reactions but don't usually cause anaphylaxis. I said I was allergic to dust and if I've been off of my meds and shots for a long time and I touch a surface with dust on it my hands will actually burn. It's extremely painful but nothing I need to go to the hospital for.

Allergy shots: these are really not anywhere near as bad as you might think they would be. They're once weekly shots that are teeny teeny tiny needles, it's the medication that hurts and even that isn't that bad. Especially not if it keeps my hands from burning, or someone who has anaphylactic reactions to bee stings from dying. They also tend to "cure" you of your allergies, my dust allergy has been reduced from a 9+ on the scale all the way down to 5. So while I'm still allergic to dust, it doesn't burn me if I go off my meds, it's just very itchy and gives me headaches. (They're also in the testing phases for a peanut shot!! Still have a long way to go on that one though but at least they're working on one!)

One other thing to keep in mind, an epipen is not a solution to the problem, it's a slowdown on the timer to death. You still need to go to the hospital and you still need to get there as quickly as you can. Especially for things like peanuts and bee stings, which cause severe reactions and very quick death. If there's more than one person there you need to be calling 911 as you're giving the shot. Even if they just need to be watched as they come down off of the epi just in case. Ethan's right you can re-react the stuff up to 6 or more hours later. Whatever you ate/was injected into you has to make its way out of your body before you're reaction to it stops, all the emergency crew is doing is keeping you from dying while that happens. When they gave him so much Benadryl they were basically just trying to completely kill his histamines.

This is by no means a full course on allergy knowledge but it's what I have available from years of having allergies and living with a nurse, and I hope it helps any of you out there who aren't sure what's going on with you/need more knowledge!! Sorry it was so long 😅

TL;DR all allergies are different and need different care (also please read it lol)

(I did also post this in the comment section of that video! I just made it prettier here lol. This was made using the voice to text on my phone though so I apologize for any weirdness/grammar mistakes)

[trash-the-tozier]

What’s It Gonna Take

Title: What’s It Gonna Take

Length: ~2.4k 

Summary: Eddie is curious about kissing, and Richie is damn near about to pass out. 

Warnings: gratuitous kissing (aged up losers, ~16 y/o), mentions of underage drinking, another reddie getting together story bc of course there aren’t enough of those out there

A/N: I wanted an excuse to practice kiss scenes and I love reddie, so here this is! inspired by this post also on ao3 here

It was one of those rare Saturdays where all of the Losers were busy. Bill was babysitting Georgie, Stan had some religious fundraiser that his parents had roped him into helping with, Mike had trombone lessons, and Ben and Beverly were on a date to the movies that was probably super sweet and mushy and disgusting. That left Eddie and Richie, Richie popping his head in Eddie’s window and asking if he wanted to hang out. They were sitting by the quarry now, their legs dangling over the edge, talking about nothing and throwing rocks and occassionally kicking each other’s feet.

Eddie’s hair had gotten a bit lighter over the summer, his skin a bit tanner, a few more freckles dotting his face (none of which were cancer; his mother had taken him in to get them screened), his lips slightly chapped and eyebrows furrowing as he looked down into the water. The two of them had fallen silent after an inconsequential argument about breakfast cereals, and now Richie was just sitting there, staring at him. Goddamnit. Eddie glanced over, and he looked away.

“Hey, Richie?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever kissed anyone?”

The question nearly gave him whiplash. His head turned so quickly his glasses nearly flew off, a bubble of butterflies bursting inside his chest. Eddie frowned at him, looking self-conscious for having asked.

“What is wrong with you? Close your mouth.”

Richie’s jaw shut automatically, then he remembered he had a question to answer. A question about kissing. From Eddie.

“I…” He supposed getting drunk at parties counted, right? “Yeah. I have.”

“Oh?” A pause. “What’s it like?”

Richie wasn’t sure how to answer that. Nothing he’d done with other people had ever been serious. He’d kissed both girls and guys, though both teams denied it once they’d sobered up; girls didn’t want to say they’d made out with The Trashmouth, and guys didn’t want to be gay.

“Fun, I guess.”

“Fun?”

“Yeah.” God, this shouldn’t be making him blush. He joked about sex on a near hourly basis; it was wrong for mentioning for something as simple as fooling around to be turning him into a blushing fucking schoolgirl. “Being touched like that. It feels good.”

Eddie went quiet, picking up another pebble and throwing it down into the water. The rock was too small to see the ripple from up where they were. He seemed ready to change the subject, but Richie wasn’t letting this conversation go so easily.

“Why? What’s up?”

“Just thinking about it.” Eddie said. “I’m sixteen, and I haven’t been kissed yet. I thought I might want to try it.”

Richie’s mouth went dry. Eddie was sitting there next to him, thinking about kissing someone. Fuck. He wanted to just splay his body across Eddie’s lap and offer himself up, but that seemed a bit desperate, even for him. And Richie did not at all put Eddie past shoving him into the quarry, so there was that very real danger to worry about.

“I’m sure it would be easy to find out.” He said instead. “Since you’re such a catch. Everyone knows Greta thinks you’re cute.”

Eddie made a bit of a face, and Richie would have been lying if he said that reaction didn’t make him at least a little happy. Eddie had had the opportunity to kiss girls before. Now that they were in high school Richie wasn’t the only one that could tell Eddie was cute, and he’d been asked out a couple of times. He either declined the invitations or only dated for a couple weeks, the habits of a hypochondriac getting in the way.

“Human bodies are just so gross.” He’d said. “Holding hands alone shares so many germs, and spit… I thought about her kissing me and I think I actually broke out in hives.”

Eddie’s reluctance to play tonsil tennis should have bummed Richie out, but if he was being completely honest it was nice to know that Eddie wasn’t sucking face with anyone else. The gross comment didn’t get to him either; Eddie called him gross on a daily basis, so it wasn’t anything knew. In the past, if Richie asked Eddie if he ever wanted to kiss anybody, the answer had been a resounding “maybe”. This change of heart was throwing him for a complete loop.

“I’ve been trying other things lately, that’s all.” Eddie continued, and Richie nodded the best he could manage. Sure, Eddie’s medications had been fake, but Eddie hadn’t found out that some of his allergies were bullshit too until he’d accidentally eaten some shellfish in a pasta dish and not died. He’d recently been testing the waters to see what else he wasn’t allergic to, trying not to let the outside world daunt and disgust him so much. He could now pet both Ben’s cat and Mike’s dog without sneezing, touch latex, and eat bananas, all things he’d thought were impossible before. Richie had actually witnessed Eddie eat something off the floor a couple of days ago, and now fully expected Hell to freeze over at any moment.

(Eddie was genuinely allergic to grass though, as he found out after rolling down a hill and popping up covered in itchy welts. Richie, who had rolled down right after him, found that he was actually allergic to grass too.)

“I don’t want to kiss anyone I don’t like, or that I’m not dating, or, or whatever, but…” Eddie was getting a bit flustered. “I don’t know, I thought I might want to.”

God. Richie was gripping tightly to the rock below him in an attempt not to fall face first into the water, hopelessly in love and desperate to just say me, kiss me, use me, I don’t care. But he couldn’t find his tongue, and Eddie was getting to his feet. Richie opened his mouth.

“Me.”

Eddie froze. The word hung between them for an insufferably long moment, the butterfly wings beating bruises on the insides of Richie’s ribs.

“What?” Eddie finally asked.

“I… I mean…” Richie realized that this was his chance to back out. To play it off. But he didn’t want to. “I could kiss you, if you want.”

Eddie was staring him full in the face, his breathing a little faster than usual, and Richie found himself beginning to babble instead, always desperate to alleviate Eddie of any discomfort.

“I’m just saying! I’m not some stranger that you have to wait to fall in love with first, and I’ve got some experience. I’ve kissed Mike, Ben, and Stan before, so it wouldn’t be weird. Though it was just because we were playing spin the bottle. We can get a bottle if that would make you feel better.”

Eddie was still staring at him. Richie wasn’t sure that he’d even blinked, and he began to get worried. If he couldn’t backpedal far enough on this, he didn’t want to know what the consequences would be.

“Just a quick peck, alright? No tongue. Scout’s honor.”

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Eddie said softly, but with none of the anger or revulsion Richie had been expecting.

“I’m just trying to help y–”

Then Eddie crouched back down, took Richie’s face in his hands, and pressed a kiss to his lips.

The kiss was short and so, so sweet, Richie barely having time to do much of anything before Eddie pulled away again.

“Richie?”

Eddie’s cheeks were red. His lips were pink, and his eyes were a warm brown, looking at him with slight concern, then amusement.

“Well, it shut you up, at least.” Eddie remarked, and Richie felt himself sway slightly, towards the edge of the precipice. Thankfully Eddie noticed too, and caught him by the shoulder. “Alright, Trashmouth?”

“You, uh…” Richie knew he was embarrassing himself but god, he couldn’t help it. Eddie kissed him. Eddie had just kissed him. He tried his hardest to roundhouse-kick his brain back into action. “You caught me off guard there, Spaghetti Man.”

“I can tell.”

They looked at each other a moment longer.

“You aren’t having a big germ freakout.” Richie remarked. “I fully expected one.”

“Oh, it’s happening.” Eddie assured him. “It’s just all internal. But it wasn’t as bad as I expected.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Your mouth didn’t taste like germs, that’s all I’m saying.”

Richie raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing ‘tastes like germs’, Eds.”

“Georgie stuck his finger in my mouth when he was four. That tasted like germs.”

“Alright then. Mental note to self: no licking Georgie.”

“You have to remind yourself not to lick a ten-year-old child?” Eddie shook his head a bit, laughing again. “I guess I get it, though. Kissing. It was nice.”

He made to get up, but Richie stopped him.

“No. I am not letting your impression of your first kiss be ‘not as bad as expected’ and 'didn’t taste like germs’.”

“But you can’t change it.”

“A do-over.”

“Then it wouldn’t be my first kiss.”

Richie decided to ignore that incredibly sound piece of logic.

“I wasn’t ready! I was in the middle of saying something stupid.”

“Aren’t you always?”

The teasing words were a breath of fresh air, a sign that despite whatever was happening now, their friendship wasn’t ruined. It made Richie feel a bit bolder.

“Come on, Eddie Spaghetti. I have a reputation.”

Eddie simply sat, staring at him, and after a few moments Richie had to ask about it.

“What are you doing?”

“I thought I was waiting for you to kiss me.”

“Oh, fuck.” There was a cacophony of curse words playing through Richie’s head as his nerves flared up again. Simply hearing Eddie say that made Richie wonder if he’d died and fucking ascended before remembering that when he kicked the bucket, “up” probably wasn’t the direction he was going. If it was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up. “Okay.”

Damn it all. Eddie was so pretty, sitting there and looking at him and giving Richie permission to kiss him. Richie planted one hand on the ground, using it to keep him balanced, reaching up with the other to cup Eddie’s cheek. He leaned in slowly, fearing that if he moved any faster, he was in danger of combusting. Eddie’s breathing was shallow, quick and warm against his lips. Richie nudged Eddie’s nose with his own, closing his eyes, Eddie’s lips tilting upwards to meet his.

It was almost too much. Eddie’s lips moved slowly, inexperience obvious in his hesitancy, and Richie found it painfully endearing. He tried to push a little further, to treat Eddie a little less delicately, surprised when Eddie met him with the same energy, Richie having to lean back slightly to accommodate him.

Eddie tilted his chin back to take a quick breath, his lips still parted when he came back to the kiss. Richie curled his fingers around the nape of Eddie’s neck, running his tongue across Eddie’s lower lip, getting a soft, low moan in response that had heat coursing through every inch of his body. That was more than he could take, pulling back.

It was dumb how long it took him to catch his breath and he stared at Eddie, who’d brought his fingers to his mouth, his cheeks flush with color, staring back at him.

Oh, I am so fucked.

“Okay.” Eddie said softly. “That… Yeah. Was better.”

“Yeah.” Richie wanted to kiss Eddie again. Richie wanted to kiss Eddie every damn day for the rest of his life. Somehow, some way, Eddie seemed to read his mind.

“Do you want to…?” Was all Eddie managed out, and it wasn’t the most coherent of questions, but Richie was too eager to care. He couldn’t even tell who moved first but Eddie was touching him this time, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck. Richie broke the kiss rather quickly, wanting to move them away from the edge, and once he’d done so Eddie climbed fully into his lap, bringing their lips together again. Richie was completely taken aback, but then he remembered that this was the same ball of energy that had once jumped headlong into a creek to hurl rocks at bullies’ faces, and it made a little more sense.

“How many times do I need to kiss you before you ask me out?” Eddie murmured against his lips, Richie half convinced he was just hearing things, drawing back to stare him.

“I… What?”

“Earlier, I said that I didn’t want to kiss someone I didn’t like. And I’m kissing you.”

“Oh.” Oh. Oh. “That was way too subtle for me, Eds.” Nerves curled in Richie’s chest. “Did… Did you know I liked you?”

Eddie gave him a slightly apologetic look, letting his arms relax a little from their position around Richie’s neck.

“Bev told me. Though your staring really isn’t that subtle with your giant glasses on. I didn’t say anything though, because I honestly wasn’t sure about the whole kissing thing. I didn’t think it would be fair to you if every time I kissed you I had to run off and sanitize my tongue, or something.”

“But… You’re okay?” Richie asked. The last thing he wanted was Eddie to be uncomfortable. Eddie nodded a little.

“Maybe it’s because it’s you, and I trust you, but yeah. I think so. But if I ever do have a, you know, 'big germ freakout’, or whatever, please don’t be mad. I’m working on it.”

“I could never be mad at you, Eds!” Richie grinned, wrapping his arms around him. “You’re the apple of my eye. The lighter to my cigarette. My…” Richie couldn’t help his gasp of inspiration. “The sauce to my spaghetti.”

“How about your boyfriend, you idiot?” Eddie asked. The word was real and heavy, weighing in Richie’s chest, Richie finding himself mouthing it quietly as he looked over Eddie, taking in the brazen, perfect person in his lap. The title seemed like a privilege he didn’t deserve.

“You’re staring at me again.” Eddie told him.

“Can’t help it.”

“Your face is really red, too.”

“Can’t help that either.”

“So should I take that as a yes?” Eddie asked, smiling a little. Richie couldn’t find his voice, pulling Eddie close instead and kissing him again, his heart soaring when he felt Eddie’s own lips turn up into a smile. Yes.

[liliannorman]

New success in treating allergies to peanuts and other foods

Ten years ago at a kindergarten party, Isaac Judy took a bite of a peanut-butter cookie. It tasted weird to him, so he spit it out. Hives soon appeared on his face. His lips also began to swell. When his dad came to pick him up, Isaac was coughing and wheezing. Riding in the car to the other side of St. Louis, Mo., where they lived, Isaac fell asleep — or so it seemed.

When Isaac’s mother saw what was happening, she suspected something more serious. “He hadn’t fallen asleep. He lost consciousness,” Jaelithe Judy explains. After a trip to the emergency room, her five-year-old recovered. But doctors confirmed her hunch: Isaac has a peanut allergy.

Just a few generations ago, hardly anyone talked about food allergies. But over the past two decades, childhood food allergies in the United States have more than doubled. A little more than a year ago, a study in Pediatrics reported that 7.6 percent of U.S. kids under age 18 have food allergies. That’s almost 8 million youth — about two students per classroom. And it’s much more than a childhood issue. Surprisingly, a study last year in JAMA Network Open found that nearly 11 percent of adults have food allergies, too. More than one in every four of them said they had not been allergic to foods as children.

There has been a sharp increase in the share of U.S. children with food allergies in the past two decades.Data from R.S. Gupta et al/2018 and the CDC

These days nearly everyone has “come across a family member or person who has been touched by food allergies, or has one themselves,” says Tamara Hubbard. She works in the suburbs of Chicago, Ill., as a licensed counselor. Hubbard and a growing number of counselors are helping families through the stress of managing food allergies.

For years, doctors have told families there’s nothing they can do but avoid the trigger food — or inject a fast-acting medication called epinephrine (Ep-ih-NEF-rinn) to stop a severe reaction. But researchers are learning more about why some people overreact to certain foods. And new treatments are emerging. Late last month, the first treatment for peanut allergy earned approval from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Another could do so within a year or so. Scientists also are continuing to develop and test other ways to treat food allergies. 

Immunity run amok

Allergic reactions occur when the immune system overreacts. Normally immune cells help fight bacteria, viruses and other pathogens. Yet some people’s immune systems also react to harmless stuff like pollen or mold — or peanuts, milk or other foods. 

Such run-ins trigger a release of histamine (HIS-tuh-meen) and other chemicals. These molecules “get the ball rolling for an allergic reaction,” explains Tina Sindher. She works as an allergist at Stanford University School of Medicine in Palo Alto, Calif.

During an allergic reaction, someone may get itchy and develop hives. If the reaction worsens, the person might cough, wheeze and suffer a whole-body reaction known as anaphylaxis (An-uh-fuh-LAX-iss). That’s what happened to Isaac — and to Shea Tritt’s son, Gaines, in Abingdon, Va.

Gaines’ peanut allergy surfaced in the fall of 2012. At the time, he was a baby and his diagnosis put the whole family on edge. For the next few years “he never trick-or-treated. He never went to a birthday party. I was scared to put him in preschool,” says Tritt. “My husband and I had a lot of stress because he could tell I wasn’t letting Gaines do normal things. So we would argue.”

Even Gaines’ older sister got nervous. If she went to a party, she worried about bringing back traces of peanut-containing treats that might sicken her brother, Tritt recalls. Living in such constant vigilance can be emotionally draining for families with food allergies.

Anxious and desperate, Tritt wondered if her son would outgrow his allergies, and how she could ever find out. “I became obsessed with information — anything I could do to get us out of this situation,” she says.

When a kiss can make you sick

Silly greeting cards often depict a kiss on the cheek of a cartoon figure as a big red imprint of lips. For people with a serious food allergy, real kisses sometimes leave the same mark. But it’s not funny. That red wheal signals an allergic hypersensitivity to food residues on the smoocher’s mouth.

One renowned study at the University of California, Davis School of Medicine surveyed 379 people with especially severe allergies to peanuts, tree nuts or seeds. Twenty had experienced hives or other symptoms after a kiss. In all but one case, the kisser had eaten nuts up to 6 hours earlier; at least four had first brushed their teeth.

Most reactions proved mild. But five people developed wheezing or flushing with light-headedness — potentially dangerous signs. And one three-year old was rushed to the hospital to treat respiratory distress after his mother pecked him on the cheek. — Janet Raloff

One day, Tritt saw a TV interview with David Stukus. He’s an allergist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. Stukus saw that many patients with food allergy are fearful. They often are confused because they’re not getting the facts they need. So Stukus opened a Twitter account to spread evidence-based information. Tritt took note.

Looking at her son’s blood-test results, year after year, Tritt suspected his immune response to peanuts was lessening. However, blood tests cannot give a clear “yes” or “no.” These tests detect specialized immune proteins. They are called IgE antibodies. These molecules trigger allergic reactions. But IgE levels only indicate that someone is sensitive to a certain food. They cannot predict whether that person will react if they eat it. Proving Gaines had outgrown his peanut allergy would require an oral food challenge. And that would require that the patient eat increasing amounts of the food while a doctor watches for allergic reactions. 

Trouble is, Tritt could not find a local allergist to perform the food challenge. This procedure needs extra time and staff. It also runs a risk of triggering anaphylaxis. So, many clinics won’t offer it unless a patient’s blood results are low — low enough to suggest they would tolerate the food. Gaines’ numbers had steadily dropped over the years but were still a tad too high.

Peanuts: Becoming bite-proof

For about half of people with peanut allergies, “a bite or two of the wrong food typically contains enough peanut protein to trigger a reaction,” notes Brian Vickery. He is a pediatric allergist at Emory University in Atlanta, Ga. For these people, he says, 100 milligrams (0.004 ounce) of peanut protein, or about one-third of a peanut kernel, can set off such a reaction.

Vickery used to work at Aimmune Therapeutics. This California company is developing a treatment for peanut allergy. It is called oral immunotherapy, or OIT for short. The procedure involves each day eating a wee bit of peanut protein — pre-measured into capsules. The capsule dose goes up every few weeks over a period of months. If the treatment works, it can raise the immune system’s threshold for the food. That means it would take more of the food to trigger an allergic reaction. In other words, it’s possible for the person to become “bite-proof.”

Aimmune tested its capsules — or a dummy version called a placebo — in 551 children and teens with peanut allergies. The starting dose was half a milligram (0.00002 ounce) of peanut protein. (One peanut contains 600 times that much.) Over a six-month period, the daily dose went up to 300 milligrams (0.01 ounce), or about one peanut’s worth. And each day for six more months, participants had to continue eating that much.

During the study, many participants experienced allergic reactions to the peanut pills. Forty-five quit because of these unpleasant symptoms. But among those who finished the study, two-thirds of the treated group became bite-proof. After about a year, they could safely eat roughly two peanuts. “They’re still careful about avoiding peanuts,” says Vickery. “But it provides that additional margin of safety.”

Those results appeared in the November 2018 New England Journal of Medicine. 

Based on these and other findings, the FDA approved those peanut capsules on January 31.

Similar work underway

Over the past decade and prior to the FDA approval, a small number of allergists had already started offering OIT using store-bought foods. Tritt found one such clinic several hours away. However, that clinic was not willing to give her son a peanut challenge to confirm whether he still was allergic.

Tritt didn’t want to sign her son up for a long, costly treatment if he might in fact be outgrowing his allergy. But they couldn’t know for sure without the gold-standard test, that oral food challenge.

Blood tests can indicate if someone has specialized proteins that sensitize their immune system to a given food. However, these tests cannot predict if someone will actually develop an allergic reaction to that food.jarun011/iStock/Getty Images Plus

She discussed her dilemma with Stukus on Twitter. Reviewing Gaines’ blood-test results, Stukus agreed to conduct the food challenge. Just before Gaines started kindergarten, his family travelled from Virginia to the doctor’s clinic in Ohio. It was a nine-hour drive.

Gaines started the challenge with a “small, laughable amount” of peanut butter, Tritt recalls. Fifteen minutes later, he ate a bit more. Then some more. Over several hours he chomped a dozen Reese’s peanut butter cups. And he never reacted. 

The test proved Gaines had outgrown his allergy. That makes him one of the lucky few. Many children outgrow some food allergies by the time they enter school. But eight out of every 10 kids with allergies to peanuts or tree nuts will remain allergic.

Freedom and failure

Gian Lagemann, a high school senior in Saratoga, Calif., is allergic to 11 kinds of nuts, including peanuts (which actually is not a nut; it’s a legume). When he started kindergarten, his mother brought “no nuts allowed” signs to the classroom. She asked other parents to tell her whenever they brought in food — so she could make sure it was safe for Gian. Every day Gian ate his lunch at a designated peanut-free table.

Several years ago, Gian’s mom told her son about a peanut OIT trial. The study was starting nearby at Stanford University. “For most of my life, I haven’t been able to eat things where the ingredient labels say ‘may contain peanuts’ or ‘processed in a facility with peanuts,’” Gian says. “Once she explained that [after the trial] I’d be able to eat those foods, I was pretty happy. I was sold.”

Thanks to an experimental peanut-allergy treatment called oral immunotherapy, high-school student Gian Lagemann can now dig into M&Ms. It’s something he previously had to avoid because its label notes that it “may contain peanuts.”Luci Lagemann

At the start of the trial, his family bought a bag of peanut flour. For about six months, Gian took his dose each day after dinner. He doesn’t like the taste of peanuts. So he often mixed his dose into a spoonful of chocolate ice cream. The dose started at 1.3 milligrams of peanut protein (about 1/200th the amount in a peanut). Over the six-month trial it went up to 240 milligrams (0.008 ounce, or a little less than one peanut’s worth).

More broadly, some 8,000 U.S. patients have tried such an oral therapy. Typically, about one in five will withdraw because of side effects or anxiety. Completing such a trial takes focus and discipline — like playing sports. But, Gian recalls, “They told us with every dose we took, our body was just going to get stronger.”

Participants also learned to expect some allergic reactions. “If you’re going to build your immune muscle against a food allergy, you know you’re going to have a little ‘ache’ during the process,” says Kari Nadeau. This Stanford allergist was a leader of the trial. 

Gian felt a few such responses during the study. “My throat would feel a little tight for 15 minutes,” he says. “But after that, it was fine.” So he persevered. And it paid off. When the trial ended, he could eat a full peanut without having an allergic reaction. That means Gian now can safely eat candy with labels warning they’re made in facilities that process nuts. “I was able to try Kit Kats for the first time, and Milky Ways,” Gian says. 

Two years ago, Isaac also tried this oral peanut therapy. At the time, he was 13. But his experiences were quite different. During the treatment he suffered sinus and gastrointestinal troubles. He also had an anaphylactic reaction. Six months in, Isaac dropped out. He quit because he had developed an immune condition called eosinophilic esophagitis (Ee-oh-sin-oh-FILL-ick Ee-SOF-uh-JY-tis). The oral therapy triggers it in a small share of people.

And there’s something else to keep in mind: People could lose their desensitization to peanut once they end the oral therapy. That finding was confirmed in a 2019 study by Nadeau’s team. For many people, effective treatment might have to continue long-term.

Other treatments

Some people have taken part in research trials testing a different treatment for peanut allergy — a skin patch. Instead of eating bits of peanut by mouth, patients every day stick a coin-sized disc onto their back or upper arm. Each disc contains a quarter-milligram of peanut protein. That’s about a thousandth as much as what’s in a peanut. (By comparison, Aimmune’s capsules start with twice that much. Over months, patients then take doses that increase to 1, 10, 20, 100 and 300 milligrams.) From the patch, peanut proteins seep through the skin but do not enter the blood. Peanut patches are therefore less likely to cause anaphylaxis than is the oral therapy.

DBV Technologies in France makes the patch. This company conducted a year-long trial of its product in 356 children with peanut allergies. Nine in every 10 participants finished the trial. The most common side effect was a skin rash at the patch site. However, this trial didn’t work as well as the company had hoped. By the end of the study, only a little more than one in every three patients treated could safely eat the “exit dose” of one to three peanuts. The study leaders reported their findings in the March 12, 2019 Journal of the American Medical Association. 

Still, the patch has worked wonders for some. In 2012, Sharon Wong was desperate. Her son’s allergies to peanuts and tree nuts had intensified to an alarming degree. Once during a shopping trip, he went into a coughing fit while walking past a batch of freshly baked walnut cookies. At a restaurant buffet, he started vomiting after merely looking at a steamy tray of pesto pasta. (Pesto is made with pine nuts.)

“It was really awful,” recalls Wong. “We cannot control the air he breathes. But we didn’t want to keep him confined at home. We wanted him to be able to go shopping, to go down the street, to go to friends’ homes and not stress about his allergies.”

That year she enrolled her son, then nine years old, in an earlier-stage peanut patch trial in the San Francisco Bay area of California. At first, it took just 1/240th of a peanut to trigger an allergic reaction. After two years on the patch, he could tolerate about six peanuts.

Egg is one of the most common food allergies in children. Research shows that more than two-thirds of kids will outgrow their egg allergy by age 16.denizya/iStock/Getty Images Plus

“We feel more comfortable about traveling longer distances and dining in restaurants with precautions in place,” Wong wrote in a blog about the patch trial. “Each mini-success gives us confidence and improves our quality of life. My son is happier and healthier.”

In August, the FDA plans to review data on the peanut patch and recommend if it should be approved. DBV Technologies is also researching and developing patches to treat milk and egg allergies. And as for oral therapies, Aimmune recently started a new trial for its egg-allergy treatment. The company is also developing an oral therapy for walnut allergy.

Scientists are studying other related approaches, too. One is an immune therapy that uses liquid droplets containing allergens. These are placed under the tongue rather than swallowed directly. Edwin Kim, an allergist at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, in Chapel Hill, led one study of children treated for three to five years with this sublingual therapy. All had peanut allergies. Of the 37 kids who completed the study, two in every three could now consume 750 milligrams (0.03 ounce) or more of the peanut allergen. Kim, whose center has helped conduct studies for DBV and Aimmune (among other companies), reported the findings last November in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology.

Additional experimental treatments block other parts of the immune response to allergens. Some act together with oral therapy, allowing fewer allergic reactions during therapy. Others supply helpful gut microbes that seem to guard against food allergies. And one company is developing a toothpaste to treat peanut allergy.

In the end, each family must decide whether to seek an emerging treatment or stick with just avoiding exposure to the sensitizing foods. Treatments require diligence. They’re not yet widely available. And they don’t always work. But if the allergy is unbearable, trying a new treatment might prove worth the time and risk. Clearly, concludes Stukus, the Ohio doctor, “food-allergy management is not one-size-fits-all.”

New success in treating allergies to peanuts and other foods published first on https://triviaqaweb.tumblr.com/

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

The One With Violet’s Plethora of Questions 

 

Violet got to Old Ed’s Soda Shop with ease, she was happy to know that it wasn’t far from the bank so if Jacquelyn were to completely bail on her. She planned to go back to the bank and cause a scene if she had to. She sat down in one of the booths in the far corner. A waiter tried to take her order but she explained that she hadn’t any money and that she was meeting her Aunt Jacquelyn here. The waiter nodded and under his breath grumbled something about loitering but Violet didn’t care. She was nervous. She didn’t know why but she was also very itchy. She kept scratching at her skin rapidly. She tried to ignore her sensation to scratch, she was trying to focus more on the fact that she was going to have all of her questions answered. Or at least she hoped. But part of her was worried about what Jacquelyn had said about enemies. Her father had enemies...enemies that could be anywhere. Violet looked around the soda shop glancing at each and every patron. They were all sneaking glances here and there at her, which made her feel uncomfortable. Violet worried that they might be the ‘enemies’ that Jacquelyn had briefly mentioned. None of them looked wicked, but how the fuck was she supposed to know someone’s intentions just by looking at their face? 

She sighed still scratching at her arms and even her face. Why am I so itchy? She thought. With every new glance she received from a stranger, she began to feel even more nervous. She knew her father was on the run but she was starting to think maybe he was on the run from more than just the authorities. This would make sense seeing that he is okay with being pronounced dead. Violet rubbed her temples and continued to scratch her legs. Was being on edge about everything making her so itchy? She moved around in the booth, completely uncomfortable. She wondered if everything she knew about her father was just smoke and mirrors. If everything he has ever said to her about his past, about her birth mother, about her had been a lie. All of the evidence that she had, which wasn’t much, did point to him hiding something so big she couldn’t fathom it. She shook her head hoping that her father was being honest about something anything. She needed something to be true. She gave a low chuckle when she started questioning if his name was actually Lemony Snicket. He did have several aliases and he never told her where he had come up with those names. 

She groaned in annoyance as she harshly scratched at her arm through her sleeve. Why the fuck am I so itchy? She thought. Her mouth was also slightly feeling weird. She didn’t understand what was happening. She tried to focus on the matter at hand, there was so much she didn’t know about her father and maybe today she’d get to know more about him. Maybe she’ll learn about her mother, too. 

She looked down at her locket and opened it to look at the picture of Beatrice that was inside. She felt tears form in her eyes. She never wanted to have to snoop and lie to her own father just to find her mother and meet her. But if this is what she had to do, damn it, she was going to do it. She was startled by the sound of a woman sitting down in the booth across from her. Violet quickly closed her locket and shoved it back under her shirt.

“You okay?” Jacquelyn giving wide eyes at the young teenage girl.

“Bluh,” Violet replied wiping her eyes. She thought Jacquelyn was asking her this because she had been caught crying, but as soon as Violet opened her mouth she realized the real reason why Jacquelyn had asked her that. Her tongue hung outside of her mouth. “Whah bluh fuck,” 

“You don’t look so good, April,” Jacquelyn commented.

Violet quickly thought about what she had eaten last and then she sighed angrily as she emptied her pockets placing the spyglass, her commonplace notebook, and the handful of candy on the table. “Bluhpid. Bluhpid. Bluhpid.” she repeated softly smacking herself in the head. She scanned through the candy and found that most of it was completely and utterly harmless but in the mix, there had been a few peppermints. She was so preoccupied with her own investigation that she didn’t bother looking into the bowl of candy at the bank or at the piece that she unwrapped and put into her mouth. This is just my luck! She thought. She looked at Jacquelyn desperately hoping that the woman would not cancel their little meeting. 

“Do you need a doctor, hun. You have patches all over your skin,” Jacquelyn asked looking worriedly at the girl.

Violet shook her head. “It’s bluh an bluhlergic rebluhtion,” Violet said. “I’ll bluh fine,” 

“Are you sure?” 

Violet nodded although she felt terrible. Her tongue was swollen so she was unable to communicate properly and her entire body itches like crazy, but other than that she would be fine after a while. She wasn’t going to die from this allergic reaction. She learned that when she was younger and she had done a similar thing to what she did now. She was at a doctor’s office with her father around Christmas time, so they had a tree in the waiting room and there were peppermint candy canes all along the tree which they would allow the children to take. Well, Violet had grabbed one when her father wasn’t paying attention and unwrapped it, proceeding to eat it. Even five-year-old Violet was able to realize that this was entirely bad because she immediately began to feel her tongue swell and her body itch. At the time, she was more afraid of the fact that her tongue was swelling thinking that it would somehow block her airway, so she began to freak out to where her father had noticed and saw that she had a candy cane in her hand. He then explained to her that she was like her mother when it came to this allergy. Ever since then Violet and Lemony were cautious when it came to foods or drinks that might have peppermint in them. 

“Maybe we should reschedule,” Jacquelyn said. “You should go home and take a baking soda bath.”

“No!” Violet practically yelled which made everyone look at her again. She slumped down in her seat hoping that everyone would leave her alone. “Please. I’ll bluh fine.”

“If you’re sure,” Jacquelyn said. “Would you like anything…? A rootbeer float? A sandwich?”

“I have bluh monbluh,” Violet explained. 

“That’s perfectly fine. Whatever will make you feel better,” 

Violet nodded. She looked down at the table and pushed all the peppermints away and put the rest of the candy back in her pocket. Jacquelyn looked curiously at the peppermints and then Violet. Violet watched her shake her head and wondered what she was thinking. Violet picked up the menu and began to look over what she wanted for lunch. Anything to make time go by so her tongue can go back to normal. All the while, she was trying to not scratch any of her patches now that she knew why she was itchy. 

After both females ordered, Jacquelyn reached over and grabbed Violet’s spyglass. “So I’m assuming you want to know a little more about this, first?”

Violet nodded as Jacquelyn began to explain in a bit of detail what the dials did and that there were indeed different combinations with the dials to do different things. She pointed at a couple of the dials and explained to Violet that in that order the spyglass could produce heat. “I’d show you...but that’s called arson,” Jacquelyn joked.

Violet laughed at that. “Bluh why does a bluhglass do that?” she asked hoping Jacquelyn could understand her even with her swollen tongue.

“That’s complicated. April, do you know that there are two types of people in this world,” 

Violet looked at her confused. Violet had always believed there were several types of people in the world. That’s what made the world such a beautiful and mysterious place. There was no way that everyone in the world could fit so perfectly in one of two categories. Violet thought for a second what Jacquelyn could mean by this, but she wasn’t able to think of anything since she was fighting the urge to scratch.

“The ones who set the fires and the ones who put them out. ” Jacquelyn explained.

“Like bluhble and wickbluh?” Violet asked.

“Exactly,” 

“Bluh does that have to bluh with the spybluh?” 

“Well, members of our organization wield these spyglasses and unfortunately, so do our enemies,” 

Violet looked at her confused. “Then why bluh this feature?” 

“Well again, it’s complicated. Several years ago, our organization was strong, we barely had any enemies. The enemies we did have, they weren’t once a part of us,” Jacquelyn explained. “Believe it or not, there are over two million potential combinations that could be reached using this spyglass,”

“Two bluhlion?” Violet asked amazed. Jacquelyn nodded.

“Obviously, the organization doesn’t ask that each member remember all combinations, but the most important ones,” Jacquelyn explained turning the dials a specific way. “Like this. Put your hand on the table,”

“Why?” Violet asked.

“So I can show you what this combination does,” Jacquelyn said as Violet cautiously put her hand on the table. Jacquelyn looked around to make sure no one was watching the two, as she lifted the spyglass as high as she could while sitting down. Violet could feel that there was heat coming from the spyglass. 

“How…,” 

“Honestly, I’m not sure how. But it’s an important tool when in a mission,”

“Mission?” 

Jacquelyn nodded. “It’s also used to receive messages,”

“Bluh from a movie?” Violet asked remembering her father using it during that weird zombie movie.

“Exactly. Although, I’m not sure how you knew that,” 

“I’ve done bluh research,”

“I see,” Jacquelyn said staring at the young girl. “What are your other questions?”

Violet took a deep breath. “What’s that symbol? On the spyglass.” She was relieved that her swollen tongue was gone although she was still fighting the urge to scratch. 

Jacquelyn turned the spyglass to face Violet, “This one?” she asked pointing to the top. Violet nodded. “It’s a symbol of our organization. Earlier generations have a tattoo on their left ankles indicating their membership.” 

“So like a cult?” 

“Yes and no. It depends on how you look at it,” 

“What is my family’s involvement?”

Jacquelyn shrugged. “I’m unsure. I don’t know any Mallahan’s involvement in my organization,” the older woman smirked. “So how about you tell me who you really are? Although, I have my guesses.”

“I’m April Malina Mallahan,” Violet replied.

“Malina? I knew a woman who loved that name,” Jacquelyn replied.

Violet looked at her curiously but bit her lip. She took out her commonplace journal. “I have a plethora of questions,”

“I may have a plethora of answers. If you are who I think you are,” 

“...I told you, I’m April Mallahan.” Violet replied impatiently. “Who do you think I am?”

“That’s the wrong question,” 

Violet shifted in her seat. “I’ve found documents naming, what I believe, to be members of your organization. R? O? L? Who are they?”

“R?” Jacquelyn repeated her eyes widening. Violet nodded. Jacquelyn sighed. “Let’s play a game,”

“I’m not interested in games,”

“Well, you’re interested in answers, aren’t you?” 

Violet glared but nodded her head.

“I answer a question truthfully then you are to answer a question truthfully, ”

“How would I know if you’re answering truthfully,”

“I can ask you the same thing,” Jacquelyn replied. “Come on, child, I haven’t got all day,” 

“Fine. Deal,” 

“‘R’ is my mother,” Jacquelyn replied. “What do you know about her?”

“I read about her in a letter. It didn’t say much. Hence why I asked. There was another person mentioned several times in the letters, ‘O’ who is he?” 

“He’s one of our enemies. He’s a dangerous, vile, foul man. A little girl like you shouldn’t be investigating anything about him or his crimes. Far too dangerous,” Jacquelyn warned. “Which parent of yours is a member of the organization?”

“Honestly, I am unsure. I believe both. I...I don’t know both my parents.” Violet replied trying to keep a serious demeanor on. “Who’s ‘L’?”

Jacquelyn smiled. “That could be a couple of people. I know a man named Larry…”

Violet glared. “What about an L.S.?” she asked impatiently.

Jacquelyn’s smile turned into a smirk. “Now, why is a fourteen-year-old girl asking about a dead man?”

“Curiosity,” Violet replied quickly.

Jacquelyn looked sternly at the girl. “Cut the crap,” she said in a slightly annoyed tone. “I only know one person that is allergic to peppermints and I know one person with those same blue eyes.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Violet said.

Jacquelyn chuckled. “Very well then, have a nice day, Miss Mallahan,” Jacquelyn stood up, she handed Violet back her spyglass. Violet thought she was bluffing so she waited until Jacquelyn was nearly at the door. 

“Wait!” Violet yelled, which caused the entire restaurant to look at her. Violet’s face blushed red with embarrassment but Jacquelyn slowly returned to the booth. 

“Are you going to cut the crap?” she asked.

Violet nodded. She glared at the older woman, feeling defeated. She wanted answers to all of her questions. She knew her father would be pissed if she allowed anyone to know of her true identity...but what choice did she have? He wasn’t going to tell her any of this.

“So, why are you investigating a dead man?” Jacquelyn asked.

“Cut the crap,” Violet mimicked. “He’s not dead, he’s...my father,” 

Jacquelyn still looked surprised that she was correct with her assumptions. “Lemony Snicket has a daughter…” she whispered looking around the restaurant. “...with Beatrice Baudelaire?”

Violet nodded as her eyes lit up. “Do you know my mother?” she asked. “Do you know where she is? I...I desperately want to meet her,” 

Jacquelyn looked curiously at Violet. She was unsure about what she should say. It was not her place to tell Violet about her mother’s unfortunate death but she wondered why Lemony hadn’t. Jacquelyn sighed. She wanted to tell this young girl the truth, but she couldn’t. That was crossing a line. A line that although she wanted to cross, she wouldn’t.

“I’ve only met her a couple of times,” Jacquelyn lied as she watched Violet’s face darkened with sadness. “But...to answer your question, both of your parents were in this organization.”

“Were?” Violet asked.

“They both have gone rogue,” Jacquelyn replied carefully. “Your father has recently rejoined but his reasonings are unclear,”

Violet nodded. 

“So you’re a Snicket?” Jacquelyn asked staring at Violet with pure wonderment. “He’ hid a child for...what...twelve? Thirteen years?”

“Fourteen,” Violet corrected. “But none of that is important. I have questions that he won’t answer,” 

Jacquelyn sighed. “I’m not sure I should answer them either. It’s not my place,” 

“No, please. I won’t say anything and if you don’t say anything then he’ll never know,” Violet pleaded. “I’m just a kid trying to understand where I came from. Can you please help me?”

Jacquelyn sighed again. “Fine. But the new rule to this game, if there’s a question that I feel I simply should not answer, I won’t. I promise I won’t treat every one of your questions like that...it’s just a courtesy to your father,”

Violet nodded her head frowning but she agreed to tot the terms anyway. She knew Jacquelyn had the upper hand in this situation. Some answers were better than none. If Violet asks all the right questions, then maybe she can piece together the rest.  “What does this organization do?”

“We put out fires. Figurative and literal fires.” 

“Why?”

“We also volunteer,”

“What do you get out of it?”

“Nothing. We volunteer.”

“I’m not sure I follow,” 

“Your father, your mother, and I...we’re three of many volunteers. We use our smarts and special skills to triumph over the wickedness in the world. Like ‘O’ we use our skills against him and others like him. Who have defected and joined the wrong side.”

“I...I don’t get it,” 

“Your father hasn’t explained any of this to you?”

“No. He keeps saying he’ll explain everything when I am older...but he’s been saying that since I was ten,”

“He hasn’t trained you?”

“Trained me?”

“Most children your age would be off with a mentor, a year into your apprenticeship by now,” 

Violet looked at her horrified. “And what if I decide that I don’t want to,”

Jacquelyn snickered at that. “That’s not how it works,”

“But...you called yourself a volunteer.”

“It’s complicated,”

“No. It’s either you volunteer or you don’t,” 

“The world isn’t very black and white, April.”

“You’re telling me that people fit into two categories. Fire-fighters and fire-starters. That’s a black and white look on morality. But there’s no black and white outlook on volunteering?”

“You’re overcomplicating things,”

Violet looked at Jacquelyn horrified again. Get the fuck out of here. She told herself. She so wanted to, she wanted to get up and leave but she also desperately wanted answers. This was just the beginning of the questions she had. She remembered the two hundred page book that she so desperately wanted to read. She doubted a stranger who said she barely knew her mother would know anything about that so she decided to put that question to the side.

“What’s My Silence Knot?” she asked remembering that she wrote down the poem in her commonplace book. 

Jacquelyn looked at her confused. Violet opened her journal to that exact page and Jacquelyn smiled at the title. “Have you heard of an anagram?”

“Yeah. It’s when you take a word or a phrase and jumble the letters around to create a new word or phrase. Why?”

“Look at the letters in My Silence Knot,” Jacquelyn said as she watched Violet’s eyes go wide.

“Lemony Snicket,” Violet whispered looking up at Jacquelyn who was nodding her head. 

“Seems like your mother used this poem to send a hidden code to your father,” 

“A hidden code, where?” Violet said scanning the poem with her eyes.

“Unfortunately, there are only two people who would know how to decipher this poem. And neither of them is me,”

Violet frowned but then realized that she was forgetting the biggest question of them all. “What happened to make my father go on the run,”

“That’s complicated. But I can say that it happened one night at the opera. Since that night everything kept spiraling out of control. But I can say that it began with a stolen object, a moving violation, a misdemeanor, two poison darts, three civil suits settled more or less out of court, and two retracted marriage proposals,”

Violet looked at her in disbelief. “Two retracted marriage proposals,” she repeated absentmindedly remembering the two hundred page book.

“Yes, but I’ve said too much,” 

“No. No, you haven’t,”

“I’m sorry, but I have.”

“What has my father been up to?” she asked quickly.

“I’ve said too much. Just know that he has everything under control. He is a Snicket. They always do. Even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

“But...he’s been acting funny. Lying all the time and I saw him wearing a disguise at the movies,” Violet slapped a hand over her mouth but she had said too much herself.

“You followed him? And he didn’t see you,” 

Violet nodded. “I was sort of in a disguise, myself,”

“So he has been training you!” Jacquelyn said happily. “We could always use another Snicket.”

Violet shook her head. “No, he hasn’t been training me at all. I don’t think.”

“Then how did you know to disguise yourself? How did you even know how to spy on him well enough to get the chance to meet me?” Jacquelyn asked.

“I don’t know but it wasn’t because of any training,”

“Do you have special skills? Interests? Hobbies?” 

“My father tells me that I am a mechanical genius. I invent things. Use discarded material and create something new, different, useful. I believe there’s always something.”

Violet was creeped out by how Jacquelyn was smiling at her. “He’s never mentioned the organization to you?”

“Never. And if I may be blunt, I can see why. You’re in a cult,” 

“It’s not a cult...well not entirely. I told you we volunteer,”

“You and I have different definitions pertaining to that word. Because it sounds like they take you by force.”

“Not necessarily. It’s more so they ask your parents than the children themselves.”

“Look, my father obviously doesn’t want me around this nonsense. I’m only here for answers not to ‘volunteer’. Do I make myself clear?”

“I’m not going to kidnap you or recruit you. So yes, I fully understand.”

“Good. Because I’m honestly feeling a bit uneasy right now,” Violet said looking at the woman.

Jacquelyn frowned. “I’m sorry,” 

Violet nodded her head and went back to asking as many questions as she could think of in the time that she had with Jacquelyn. Part of her was still uneasy but part of her wanted to trust Jacquelyn. She seemed nice and noble, although she also seemed a bit brainwashed. She didn’t fully understand any of this organization stuff. Jacquelyn would ignore some of the questions about her father like what was his past involvement and what was his present involvement. She ignored questions about Beatrice, although the ones she did answer, she would answer slowly as if she had to be careful of her words. Violet wrote down as much as she could. She was going to compile all of her evidence and confront her father sooner or later. Jacquelyn was handing her a few of the puzzle pieces but she knew to get the whole picture she’d have to ask her father and she was scared of that. The second she asked him any of these questions, he’ll know that she’s been snooping. He’ll know that she knows he’s lying to her every chance he gets. She asked about her father’s investigation board and the two children but Jacquelyn said that must be unrelated to the organization because she had no idea what Violet was talking about. During the end of the questioning, Violet stood up and shook Jacquelyn’s hand. 

“I do appreciate all of this,” she said.

“I hope I was as helpful as I could be. I also hope you think about whether or not you want to join,”

“Doubtful,” Violet replied. 

“And don’t worry, I won’t say anything to your father if you don’t,” Jacquelyn replied also standing up, she handed Violet back the spyglass. “Try to hold on to this, you may need it one day.’

“What if my father needs it?” 

“He can also get another one,” she replied. She looked out the window of the soda shop realizing that it was night out. “Would you like a ride home?”

Violet stood there contemplating the offer. On one hand, it was dark and she’d have to walk home and that’s never a good idea. But on the other hand, Jacquelyn was involved with some weird-ass cult-like organization that recruited children and she didn’t fully understand that process at all but she sighed. “No funny business,”

“None at all. Your father is a friend of mine. If he doesn’t want you in the organization, I am not going to force you. But if you wanted to volunteer, just know I wouldn’t stop you,” she replied.

Violet nodded and followed the older woman out of the soda shop and into her car. The car ride home was silent. Violet was looking back through her notes and wondering just how much snooping she needed to do before confronting her father. Jacquelyn wondered if she had done the right thing by telling ‘April’ what she wanted to know or if it was right to withhold valuable information from her. She also wondered if it was right to not tell Lemony about any of this. She was trying to do right by both of them. She knew ‘April’ deserved answers but she also knew that Lemony had every right to keep secrets from his own daughter. Which is why she had placed a line and refused to cross it. She understood now why Lemony was always acting super secretive. He was protecting his daughter. She couldn’t fault him for that. Deep down she knew the organization wasn’t the best and ‘April’ was technically right, it was more like a cult than a normal organization. But she was too far in. Defecting like Lemony had done could have fatal consequences, VFD didn’t take kindly to defects. The only way she’d be able to leave now is if she became the Duchess of Winnipeg, and she didn’t want that to happen any time soon. So she felt stuck. But even if she was stuck, she knew she could do some good. That’s why she was helping Lemony with the Baudelaire case but now she felt like she had her own secret case. The Snicket case. She looked over at the young girl who was staring attentively at her commonplace book. She wondered how a girl with no VFD training knew how to spy, how to disguise herself, how she knew to have a commonplace book, how to come up with aliases on a whim. She knew that no one could know about ‘April’s’ existence. So she would have to work this case alone. She refused to let anyone or anything harm this young girl. She needs some kind of mother figure looking out for her seeing that Beatrice is… Jacquelyn thought as the teenage girl gave her directions.

Once they got to the apartment building. “Do you need me to walk you inside?” 

Violet shook her head. “I got it from here. Thank you again for the ride, for dinner, for everything.”

Jacquelyn quickly pulled a card out of her pocket. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate,” she replied handing the card to the girl. “You’re welcome,” 

Violet turned to leave but she turned around, “I have one more question,”

“Yes?”

“Are you and my father dating?” she asked wondering if that, too, was another one of his damn lies.

Jacquelyn laughed. “No. I’m not. Your father is not my type,” she said in a tone that made Violet understand just what she meant by that. 

“That’s what I thought,” Violet whispered.

“Have a good night, April.”

“Have a good night, Jacquelyn. Thank you again,” Violet replied as she walked away from the woman’s car.

Violet didn’t know how to feel. For the first time in this investigation, she was left with fewer questions than when she started. But most of her bigger questions have been left unanswered. She knew she’d have to continue snooping. Which means she may end up with more questions tomorrow. But she now had Jacquelyn’s card and she knew how to get to the bank if she needed to have another face-to-face with the woman. She wrote the name April down in her notebook to remind her that Jacquelyn believed her name to be April Snicket. She felt bad lying to the woman, but if worst comes to worst and she and her father had to go into hiding again. Least Jacquelyn wouldn’t exactly know who she was looking for. Violet made her way into the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind her, and she decided to call it a night. Her father said he would be traveling, so she was sure that he wouldn’t be back in the morning.

[surveys-r-us]

listening to Nirvana while filling this out

01. Who was the last person to ask you to hang out? Did you agree to hang out with them? Technically Gabe. I did agree. I get to see him for the first time in a month on Saturday.  02. Do you need to get anything from the store right now? If so, what, and why? Shampoo but I need to finish my other bottle first even though I don’t like it.  03. What did you last bake? Did you bake it for a special occasion? This weird brown cake thing with my roommate. We didn’t have eggs so it didn’t really turn out. 04. Have you ever had to take a stool or urine test? Why did you have to do this? Urine test because I had to take a drug test for a job.  05. Is there a food that you eat basically every day? What food is that? If coffee is considered food, then coffee. 

06. Is there a food you eat that others find weird or gross? Someone just asked me this and I seriously don’t. 07. Do you have Oovoo? No. I don’t even know what that is.  08. What was the last fast food restaurant you went to? Did you get anything? If so, what? Taco Bell today lol. I got the grande nachos box.  09. Can you remember the first video game you ever played? What about your first video gaming system? Pokemon Yellow on Gameboy probably. Or Mario 64 or Mario Kart on Nintendo 64. I don’t know which one was first but I remember those ones.  10. The last video game you played - did you play alone or with someone else? Super Smash Brothers. With my brother.  11. If there is a disc in your computer, what disc is it? No. My laptop doesn’t have a drive.  12. Do you shut down your computer every time after you use it, or do you leave it on? I just put it in sleep mode.  13. Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? Not that I know of. 

14. Do people ever drive down your street really slowly? Does it creep you out? No one drives down our street since it’s kinda remote.  15. Describe the last shirt you saw that you really liked. Where did you see it? I can’t even think of an answer to this.  16. Do you live in a very diverse community? Not really.  17. Did you waste your first kiss, or did it mean something to you? Do you think that people should save their first kisses just like their virginity? I didn’t waste mine. Someone else wasted it for me. They kissed me at some party. And no.  18. Do you know anyone who has had salmonella? Did you ever have it yourself? What about e coli? Nope. Nope. and nope.  19. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? My dog was sick last summer and I helped my mom take her.  20. Do you get motion sick easily? If so, does it prevent you from going on any rides at amusement parks? I don’t consistently get motion sick. It just sorta happens. I normally don’t though.  21. Do you have any bug bites on you right now? If so, where? Fortunately no since I’m allergic.  22. How many weeks of summer do you have left before you have to go back to school? I’m done with school lol. Unless I get a masters degree.  23. Are you allergic to anything? If so, what, and what is your allergic reaction to it? Mosquito bites, most tree nuts, ragweed and grass. Mosquito bites just swell really bad if I scratch them. Tree nuts make my mouth feel itchy. Grass and ragweed make me sneeze. 24. Do you go pumpkin picking every year? Are you planning on doing so this year? No :( I want to this year.  25. What about apple picking? I haven’t been since I was in like first grade.  26. Have you ever made your way through a corn maze? No.  27. Name something that you used to do with your family that you no longer do with them or at all? We don’t really go out to eat a lot anymore.  28. Who was the last member of your extended family to visit? Where were they visiting from? I can’t remember.  29. When was the last time you went on a train? Where were you going? Just over a year ago. It was somewhere in Ireland or the UK most likely but could’ve been Italy. It was some time during my study abroad. 30. Have you seen “Inception” yet? Thoughts on that movie? "Yet” lol. How old is this? I’ve seen it but way after it came out. I need to rewatch it since I’m still so confused by the ending. I haven’t made my decision up about that debate yet.