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lastbluetardis · 1 year ago

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Sacred New Beginnings (20/?)

Summary: James Noble thought he traded away his chance at love and a happy-ever-after when he signed a contract with a record label that turned him into an international celebrity. But a chance meeting in a dive bar may prove him wrong. Ten x Rose AU This Chapter: Teen, ~5600 words AO3 || Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | Ch11 | Ch12 | Ch13 | Ch14 | Ch15 | Ch16 | Ch17 | Ch18 | Ch19 |

All hell breaks loose in the hallway: cameras flash, voices shout, and Rose is frozen at the door. James springs into action at once, flying to her side and swallowing the sudden nausea that threatens to buckle his knees.

How did they find him? How do they know where Rose lives? How do they know her name?

“Get back. Get inside,” he says woodenly, grabbing Rose’s arm and pulling her away from the cameras that are snapping dozens and dozens of photos. There’s a delivery person standing at the threshold, holding a travel tray of drinks and a bag of food. James takes them from him. “Thanks, mate.”

He utterly ignores the paparazzi, who are shouting his name and hers while asking all sorts of questions, and instead slams the door behind him.

Fucking hell. This is it; his worst nightmare is coming true. He’s been found, and Rose has been found, and now the entire world will know her name and her face and where she lives.

“How did they find me?” she whispers, her voice brittle.

She’s pale as a sheet, white as a ghost—or maybe he’s got that backwards?—and she’s clutching at the front of her robe, as though people are still trying to sneak a photo of her in such a state of undress. Righteous fury rises up in him, and he has half a mind to go out into the hallway and roar at the parasites who thought it proper behavior to snag a cheeky photo of himself and Rose during their private hours together. He wants to rage at them that they ought to be ashamed of themselves for any pictures they got of Rose in her dressing gown.

He drops the breakfast he no longer wants onto the kitchen island and stalks back to the bedroom for his phone. The sheets and pillows are rumpled from their morning activities, a mockery of the peace that’s been shattered to oblivion.

The moment he turns off the “do not disturb” setting on his phone, it blows up in his hand. All the notifications he’d seen and ignored from an hour earlier are from Donna, who tried to warn him about the circus in the corridor. Twitter and Instagram banners are warring with each other for the top spot as the newest notification, and he’s getting dozens of texts amidst the series of missed calls from his team.

He slumps down onto the mattress and rings Donna, but he’s vibrating with so much tension and energy that he springs to his feet a moment later and begins pacing.

His cousin answers within seconds. “You’re in a steaming, heaping pile of shit!”

“What happened?” he demands, voice cracking. “What the fuck happened?”

“I don’t know. Something must have happened in the middle of the night. We’re working on putting the pieces together. When I woke up this morning, I found all sorts of rumors and speculations that mentioned Rose by name.”

“They’re outside her fucking flat!” he snarls. “A whole fucking swarm of them!”

“I know,” Donna grits out. “New photos are emerging. Jesus Christ… in your bloody pants?!”

“I didn’t realize we were opening the door to the fucking wolves,” he seethes. “We just wanted to order breakfast. Rose opened the door. She opened the door in her dressing gown and everyone saw her like that and they took pictures and called her by name and… Fuck, Donna. What am I supposed to do?”

His legs give out, and he pulls on his hair until it hurts. It’s just like before, when he had awoken to an empty bed and a whirlwind of notifications that nude photographs of him had been leaked and gone viral across the internet. But it’s so much worse now because it’s Rose, the person who has become his best friend, the one good thing in his life, the person who deserves the absolute best from this world.

“I’m on my way to her flat right now.” Donna’s tone is painfully gentle, and it makes him want to snap at her. “So’s half your security team. How’s Rose? Is she all right? How’s she handling this?”

James is now painfully aware he left Rose all alone in the kitchen without saying anything at all to her. His chest hollows out and he’s desperate to be with her, to hold her close and apologize for everything that’s happening, to promise her he’ll fix this.

“Call me when you get here,” he says, then he ends the call and flies down the hall.

Rose is sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone with her forehead in her hand. He aches for her, and he forces his anger to soften so he doesn’t make this worse for her.

She hears him approaching and glances up with an emotionless expression. Her voice is hollow when she says, “The game’s up. We’re everywhere.”

She hands her phone to him, and part of him doesn’t want to look, but he takes it anyway. It’s a Twitter page—she has a Twitter?—and it’s full of them. He grinds his teeth together when he sees her shocked face in the photos, dressed in nothing but a satiny pink dressing gown that barely disguises the fact she’s naked underneath. Then there’s him in his boxer-briefs and rumpled t-shirt, with mussed hair and swollen lips and a ring of red around his neck that makes it so painfully obvious they’d just had sex.

Fuck fuck fuck.

“Rose, I’m…” I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Her phone buzzes in his hand before he can start reading any of the articles that are popping up across the Twitter feed.

“Everyone’s calling me,” she murmurs, taking her phone back from him and declining the call. “Friends. Coworkers. My boss.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he croaks, sinking to a crouch in front of her. He covers her trembling hands with his and brings them to his lips to press kiss after kiss to her knuckles.

She nods absently but doesn’t say anything. The silence between them is stifling, so different from the lighthearted laughter of her bedroom that morning.

“Donna’s coming over, as is my security team. They’ll get rid of everyone outside.”

“What’s the point? They’ll just come back.”

Yes, they will. James doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know how to fix this, but the one thing he can do is take care of Rose right now. He knows all too well the state of shock she’s in, and when he’d been in her shoes, all he’d wanted was for someone to tell him exactly what to do and exactly what to say.

“Why don’t you get a shower?” he suggests, rising to his feet and tugging at her hands.

She doesn’t resist but also doesn’t speak, and he ignores the panic in his gut that’s telling him that everything is ruined, that everything he built with Rose is crumbling to ash.

“A nice, hot shower,” he says, guiding her through her bedroom and into the bathroom. He even goes so far as to turn the water on for her, testing the temperature until it’s just shy of scalding, exactly how she likes it.

Rose is staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. He brushes his arm down her sleeve and asks, “Can I take your robe off?”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he promises, unlacing the feeble knot Rose had hastily made.

Rose covers his hands, and for the first time, she meets his gaze head-on. “Neither do you.”

He merely shrugs, but Rose catches his hand and squeezes. “James. Look at me.” He doesn’t want to, but he does nevertheless. Her eyes are so gentle that it makes something twist deep in his chest. “This isn’t your fault. Okay? It’s not your fault.”

She then wraps her arms around him, and he melts into her. They cling to each other, not speaking, but simply being present together. He tucks his face into the side of her neck, breathing her in, and trying to quiet the fears screaming at him that it’s all over.

“I’m sorry,” he rasps. “I never wanted this to happen. Not like this.”

“I know.”

They stay in the embrace for several moments longer, listening to the pitter-patter of the water beating down on the floor of her shower.

James eventually leaves her to wash up in peace, and when she’s done, he showers too. He doesn’t have any of his own soap or shampoo here, so when he’s finished, he smells exactly like Rose. It’s comforting enough to soothe the raw nerve from the morning’s events.

He dresses in the same clothes as yesterday, wishing he had something else to change into, and when he joins Rose in the kitchen, he’s relieved to see her picking at a croissant. Well, it looks more like she’s shredding it, but he convinces himself she swallowed down a few bites.

She offers a weak smile that he tries to return.

“Has Donna called?” he asks, jutting his chin to his phone.

Rose shakes her head. “People keep knockin’ on the door. Haven’t even looked to see who it is.”

“Good. Don’t open the door yet. Not until Donna and my team get here.” He rubs his fingers into his eyes. “Have you read any of the articles yet?”

“Some,” she admits. “It’s all the same: you’ve been datin’ a nobody called Rose Tyler for the past few weeks.”

“You’re not a nobody!” he squawks.

She snorts humorlessly. “Better than bein’ called a whore.”

“Excuse me?” His tone is icy as rage sparks through him.

She shrugs. “Some people think I’m a hired escort for you while you’re in London. Seems an even split of opinions, honestly. There’s a poll goin’ viral on Twitter about it.” She scrolls through her phone. “Girlfriend is winning over escort, 55% to 45%.”

“I hate people,” he growls under his breath. But then he sobers and says, “Try not to read anything on the internet. I know it’s tempting, but please don’t. It won’t do you any favors. People can be quite nasty under the mask of anonymity. They’ll say whatever they want to sell the story that’ll make them the most money. Some of my fans can be brutal too, thinking they know what’s best for me. Please just… just try to stay off Twitter.”

“Everyone’s followin’ me now, too. Ten thousand new followers and climbing. Five hundred and more DMs. It’s made Twitter unusable. I haven’t even checked Instagram yet.”

“Fuck,” he groans, beating the heels of his hands into his brow. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she reminds him.

“Yes it is,” he snaps. “If you were dating a normal bloke, nothing like this would ever happen to you. It’s because it’s me that your life is being thrown upside down and torn apart for everyone to scrutinize. I’m a disease, infecting everyone around you, and it finally got to you now, too.”

“Well, tough. If I wanted to date a normal bloke, I’d date a normal bloke. But I decided I want you, you numpty, and you’re not responsible for anyone else’s behavior other than your own, so stop blaming yourself for everything that’s happening.”

James wants to keep arguing, even though he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t want to fight with Rose, but this sympathy, this acceptance, this forgiveness… it’s almost too much to bear. It’s easier to lash out, to put the blame on himself, to infuriate everyone else around him until they, too, blame him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he instead mutters.

Her eyes flash with a hint of anger. Good. It’s time for the mask to fall away, time for her to stop seeing him as blameless.

But rather than condemn him as he expects, Rose says, “Don’t you dare accuse me of ignorance. I knew exactly what I was signing up for by being with you. And I won’t lie, it scares the hell out of me, but I decided ages ago that you’re worth it. So don’t treat me like a child who doesn’t know better, ‘cos I do.”

He snaps his mouth shut before he can say something incredibly stupid. And as though to save him from himself, his phone chimes from the kitchen island with the name Donna Noble printed in bright white letters.

“Are you here?” he asks without greeting.

“Obviously. We’ve got half your team here and the other half is at your house. We’ve got some police with us to help disperse the crowd. It’s a zoo out here.”

He can hear it: a cacophony of voices shouts indistinctly from the other end of the line, and he can hear several people barking at them to back up and clear some space.

“Should I come down…?”

“Don’t you dare,” she warns. “Stay exactly where you are. Who’s the landlord of the building, by the way? We should probably let them know of this fiasco.”

He sighs. “It’s Rose’s father. Well. Stepfather. Tyler Peters.”

Donna pauses for a beat, then says, “At least he’ll be easy to get ��hold of. Right. Stay on the line with me ‘til we get upstairs.”

James listens to every chaotic second of Donna’s trek, from the shouts in the background to her telling people exactly where they can shove their cameras.

“Bloody hell, we can barely get through this corridor. Oi, move it! This is a fire hazard, this is! Back up back up back up back up, oi, hands to yourself!”

If he wasn’t so miserable, he might have laughed to hear his cousin yelling at everyone who came within two feet of her. Alas, he stays quiet and steps up to the door, ready to welcome her in.

“We’re here, knock knock knock.”

As she says the words, three hard bangs rattle the front door. He peeks behind his shoulder to make sure Rose is well out of sight before he cracks open the door. The moment he’s visible, the shouting grows louder and the paparazzi snag more photographs. A combination of some of his security team and police officers have forced them several meters away from the door, yet it’s still close enough for them to get some good shots.

Donna, River, and a junior agent named Adric steps into the flat before he slams the door shut again. Within moments, he’s being pulled into his cousin’s arms. He hugs her tight and rests his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers into his ear, giving him a squeeze.

He drops his arms from around her, prompting her to release him, and when he pivots towards Rose, he finds River perched on the couch next to her, speaking softly.

“The plan is to get you back to your house,” Donna says, shifting from concerned cousin to professional publicist in an instant. “Unless you wanted to go somewhere else?”

“I haven’t thought about it,” he says, “but I can’t leave Rose here.”

At the sound of her name, she locks eyes with him.

“You… you’re more than welcome to come home with me, but you don’t have to, if you’d prefer to be somewhere else. I don’t think you should stay here alone, but if that’s what you truly want, I can arrange for officers to stay here with you.”

She shakes her head. “No. I’m comin’ with you. I should… I’ll pack a bag.”

Rose stands and brushes past them to head down the hall, but he catches her hand and says, “Take your time. There’s no rush.”

With that, she heads to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

He sighs and scrubs his hands down his face. “This sucks.”

“Yeah, it does. Of all the ways I thought you’d be found out, this wasn’t it,” Donna admits.

“Did you figure out what happened?” he asks.

Donna hesitates for a moment, biting her lip.

“What? Tell me. I deserve to know who violated our privacy like this.”

“Please keep in mind that it was an accident,” she prefaces, but already he’s getting angry at this mystery person who leaked Rose’s identity to the whole world. “Apparently it was Rose’s mother.”

That stuns him enough that his anger is abruptly gone, replaced with confusion and a cloying emptiness in the pit of his stomach. He knew Jackie had despised his very essence, but he never would have thought she would’ve put her own daughter at risk…

“An accident?” he asks skeptically.

“A report went in to a magazine reporter in the middle of the night. Two girls who live here overheard Jackie Tyler say that her daughter was dating James Noble; she was quite upset about it, mind. I take it you didn’t make a good first impression?”

“Not the time, Donna,” he snaps.

She holds her hands up and lets that subject drop before she says, “The girls passed along the conversation as a tip. Early this morning, the magazine did some digging, trying to verify the information. That digging leaked to other tabloids, and it all snowballed ‘til everyone showed up here to find out for themselves.”

He groans and digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Great. Just fucking great. And what’s this about people thinking Rose is a hired escort?”

Donna rolls her eyes. “Elitist arseholes who don’t think she’s good enough for you since she’s not rich or famous.”

“Didn’t help they caught her in her dressing gown,” he mutters murderously.

Donna winces. “No, it didn’t. But this is fixable. The flurry of speculation will run its course over the weekend, and once it’s out of everyone’s system, you can start setting the record straight.”

“I don’t want to set the record straight, I want things to go back the way they were before!”

He’s well aware he’s whining like a child, but he can’t help it. It’s like if he just gets angry enough, things will go back to normal.

Never mind the fact that he’s tried that before, and it has never worked.

Rose emerges from her bedroom with a suitcase in her hand. She eyes them tentatively, as though catching on to the bitter mood that has settled over the kitchen, but says nothing. Instead, she sets her suitcase down and gathers up her laptop and a stack of papers and notebooks, which she shoves into a backpack.

“I’ve got to do some lesson planning,” she explains to nobody.

“Of course,” he says. “No problem.”

“Has there been any more news?” she asks, striving to keep her voice nonchalant.

“News?” he squeaks, then clears his throat to force his voice back to his normal register.

“About what happened? How it happened?” Rose peeks up at him through her lashes, gnawing on the corner of her thumb with such force he’s worried she’s about to rip her cuticle off.

He reaches out to thread his fingers through hers, tugging them away from her mouth as he lies, “No. Nothing yet.”

“Right. Good. Yeah.” She finishes packing up her school bag, then smooths her hand down her fuzzy blue cardigan. “Do I look all right? Is this okay?”

It’s only now that he realizes she applied a full face of makeup. The red of her lipstick makes her lips look more kissable than usual, and the arc of eyeliner makes her beautiful eyes utterly sparkle. His heart trips over its next beat.

“You’re perfect,” he promises, bending to kiss those ruby lips for a fraction of a heartbeat.

She smiles slightly into the kiss before she pulls back. “Don’t smudge it.”

“Yessir,” he says gravely, snapping off a silly salute.

She laughs, and for a moment, they both forget about the morning, and it’s just like any other day together. But then River approaches to usher them toward the door, and the illusion breaks.

As Rose shrugs into her coat, James excuses himself down the hall to her spare room-turned-library. He immediately goes to the shelf he remembers Rose saying housed her favorite books, and he picks two of them at random, then grabs two other random books from the bookcase she’d said held all the books she hasn’t read yet. He can’t give her peace, but he can try to give her the comfort that comes with losing oneself in a book.

Everyone’s waiting by the door, staring quizzically at him. Rose is the first to notice what he’s carrying, and her entire face softens.

“I… I thought maybe you’d want to do a bit of reading,” he blurts. “And I didn’t know if you’d like what I have on my bookshelves. So I thought… books.”

“Books,” she repeats quietly. Then she meets his eye and says, “I love books.”

He smiles, then draws in a deep breath. “Ready to face the wolves?”

“Awoo,” she halfheartedly replies.

James slips his free arm around her waist then nods to River to open the door. Several officers have created a barricade with their bodies, keeping the horde of reporters out of arm’s reach, but there’s nothing to be done about the cameras, which begin to click and flash the moment he and Rose emerge.

He bends down until his lips are at Rose’s ear and says, “Keep your eyes on the ground and keep walking. Don’t react. You’re doing brilliantly.”

She follows his instructions to the letter, keeping her head bowed while they slowly amble down the corridor and to the lifts, with the police officers and security agents creating a bubble of protection around himself and Rose.

The main foyer of the building is just as bad, and outside is even worse because now regular people have gathered by the hundreds to try to catch a glimpse of him and Rose. Everyone is shouting his name, and some are shouting hers, asking how they met, how she snagged him, how long they’ve been together. Some questions are less polite.

“Ignore them,” he whispers again, fuming at the sight of her crimson cheeks. “It’s okay. We’re almost to the car. We’ll be getting into the back seat. You first, behind the driver.”

He keeps his hand planted on her spine as they walk to the car, where the back doors are open for them.

“In you go. Slide all the way over. Take your time. No rush.”

Once Rose is settled into her seat, he climbs in beside her, mindful of the books he’s carrying. The din of fans and paparazzi lessens when the door shuts behind him, but the buzzing in his head is loud enough anyways.

It’s slow going for his driver to get some distance between the crowd, but after a few minutes, they speed for his house amidst the sparse morning traffic. James is disheartened to see another crowd of fans and reporters on his street, crowding around his driveway. More police officers and his security agents have formed a barricade, but it doesn’t help the screams and shouts of his name.

I need to get a new house. Somewhere secret. Somewhere easier to protect.

His heart sinks to see that his security team has set up an entire perimeter around his property to control the swarm of people wanting to stick their nose in his business. He led Rose out of one hell and into another.

A soft, warm hand slips across his, rubbing soothing lines along his knuckles. He clutches Rose’s hand as though it can anchor him to the present, keeping the swarm of darkness at bay.

Inch by inch, the driver pulls the car into his garage and closes the door behind them, giving him some privacy. They each get out of the car and step into the house, which feels cold and empty. He heads to the thermostat and cranks it up, wanting Rose to be as cozy as possible in his home, and sets her books onto his huge dining table.

“Right,” Donna says, breaking the brittle silence around them. “Not much else to do, is there? Let the story run its course. If you’re feeling cheeky, post a statement on social media, or a cute photo of the two of you. Or let the paparazzi shoot themselves in the foot; already your fans are getting hashtags trending, outraged on your behalf at the photos they took.”

Usually James is uplifted to hear about his fans being good people, but apathy is all he can manage. He’s been hollowed out, exhausted beyond mere physical fatigue.

“Thanks,” he says, pulling Donna in for another hug. “I think we want to lay low for a bit.”

He receives a nod of agreement from Rose.

“Fair enough. Oh, your mum’s on her way here. She heard about the news a few minutes ago and couldn’t get ‘hold of you, so she let me know.”

James frowns and stares at his phone, which he now realizes has been oddly silent for the duration of the car ride home. The screen stays black, no matter how many times he presses the power button. All the notifications blowing up the device must’ve drained the battery.

“Can I get you anything?” Donna asks. “Either of you? Rose? You doing okay?”

“I think so,” she answers. Rose glances at him, but he has nothing to offer her, so she returns her attention to Donna. “I think we’re okay here. We’ll just… I dunno… stay in.”

Donna casts her a sympathetic look, then she says to him, “Your security team is out in force, so are several local police officers. We think the crowd will die down a bit once they realize you’re being hermits for the weekend. But security will be vigilant. I trust you know better than to sneak off on your own anywhere?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.”

“One last piece of business,” Donna says. “As your publicist, I feel obligated to confirm the news that you and Rose are, in fact, dating. Is that all right? It’ll be as simple as that. No details, no photos, just an announcement.”

“Sure, fine, whatever,” he says, waving his hand at her. “You know best.”

“Damn right I do,” she says, but he can see the gentleness in her face that threatens to break the delicate grip he has on himself.

With one last comforting squeeze of his arm, Donna departs, leaving him and Rose alone. But are they really alone, when dozens upon dozens of his fans and paparazzi reporters are making a muffled commotion outside? Would it help if he goes outside and requests they leave him alone?

(He knows it won’t… he’s tried that before.)

So where does that leave him? He feels like he’s going to burst out of his skin. He’s radiating with so much tension that he’s not sure how he hasn’t detonated. Despite being the largest house he’s ever lived in, the space feels too small, too cramped, like there’s not enough air for him to breathe.

James begins to pace a frenetic circuit around his living room where he mindlessly picks things up and puts them down in a new location. Yes, redecorating, that’s exactly what he needs. He needs to move things, to do something, to put all his energy into not thinking about the sordid photos going viral and the gross accusations people are making about Rose and…

“Hey, slow down.”

Rose steps in front of him and takes the bookends—that admittedly shouldn’t be relocated off his bookcase—out of his hands and sets them on the coffee table. (Bookends don’t go on coffee tables, Rose, what are you thinking?)

“Talk to me,” she pleads.

“And say what, exactly? This whole morning has been a scene straight out of my fucking nightmares?”

“Yes, actually,” she says, and it surprises him enough that he pauses his agitated movements. “Stop trying to pretend everything’s okay, or that you’ll make it okay. ‘Cos it’s not okay. I’m not okay, and I don’t think you are either. But I want you to tell me that, rather than running from me.”

“I’m not running, I’m walking.” Rose pins him with a glare so fierce it steals the rest of his sarcasm straight from his tongue. He sighs and admits, “I’m not fun to be around when I get like this, so I’m trying really hard to be a half-way decent person at the moment.”

“I don’t want you to be a half-way decent person, I want you to be James.” She cradles his cheeks, forcing him to look down at her. “I want you to be my James.”

All the fight goes out of him and all the voices in his head shout on top of one another. He slumps, dipping his head until his forehead rests on hers, and it all spills out of him: how much he hates that this has happened, how much he loathes the paparazzi and some of his nosy fans, how much he wishes he’d been the one to answer her door, how scared he is that this will drive her away, how worried he is about her reputation, how angry he is at everyone who had a hand in outing them. Everything. Every nasty, gnarled thought, and when he finishes his tirade, he’s calmer. Whether that has to do with everything he’d said or the fact that Rose is rubbing his back and nuzzling her nose into his, he doesn’t know, and frankly he doesn’t care.

“There’s my James,” she says, pinching his waist playfully.

“Your James just… just… verbally shat all over you.”

Rose breaks into a giggle and muffles it by burying her face into his chest. He holds her tight and smiles secretly into her hair.

“Thank you,” he whispers. “And I know it’s not my fault, but I’m so sorry this happened.”

“I know. This certainly tops my ‘weirdest day of all times’ list.”

“Oh yeah? What used to hold the number one spot?”

She pulls back and gives him a cheeky grin. “The night a famous singer bought me a drink and asked me to dance.”

“Huh, kinda weird that happened to you twice now,” he teases.

She laughs aloud, and the sound is enough to loosen the knot of tension that continues to wrap around his chest. He ducks down to catch her lips in a sweet kiss.

They pull away after a few moments, and Rose rests her head on his chest, seemingly content to stand there with him. The silence is solemn, but not uncomfortable, and for a moment, James hopes that maybe this means they can come out of this mess unscathed and, more importantly, together.

“It was my mum,” Rose murmurs, the words so sudden that for a moment, James has no idea what she’s talking about.

But then he remembers his conversation with Donna, and swallows hard. “What?”

“My mum,” she repeats, not lifting her head from his chest. “She was so angry when she left last night, and she must’ve complained about it to Dad. And people overheard her. That’s how everyone found out.”

Rose sounds so miserable and dejected that he’s desperate to do anything to take that tone out of her voice.

“It was just a bit of bad luck,” he says, pulling back slightly to try to force her to look at him. She doesn’t; she keeps her eyes level with his chest. He places his fingers beneath her chin and nudges upward, and she finally meets his gaze. “It wasn’t your fault. And it wasn’t your mum’s fault. Those girls didn’t have to send a tip into the papers, but they did. So it wasn’t your fault.”

“But if I hadn’t introduced you to my mum like that…”

“Not. Your. Fault.” He interrupts her by resting his fingertips overtop her lips.

“Still feels like it,” she mumbles around the digits before moving his hand away from her mouth. “I haven’t been brave enough to talk to my mum yet, other than to tell her I’m safe. I dunno what to tell people. My boss is demanding a meeting with me first thing on Monday. And my friends want to know all the details. It’s exhausting. I dunno how you’ve done this for all these years. It’s been two hours, and I want to just… just…”

“Disappear?” he supplies, knowing exactly what she means.

She nods, and sighs.

“Want to know the secret? Distraction.” He darts his eyes around his living room, searching for anything that can get him and Rose out of their heads for a moment, and he lands on his television and gaming consoles. “Right. You and me. Mario Kart tournament.”

Rose pulls back, confusion written across her face. “…Mario Kart?”

“Mario Kart.” He flashes her a wink and clicks his tongue in a way that usually makes her laugh, but only pulls a half-smile from her.

“Sit,” he orders, half-guiding, half-pushing her to the sofa before he turns on his Wii console.

“Hey, you made fun of me for having a Wii,” she grumbles, but she’s smiling, so the words carry no bite.

“Excuse you, this is the next gen Wii,” he boasts, then he comes to sit down beside her with the controllers, which he pops into a steering-wheel-shaped attachment. “No changing the subject. Are you ready to get your arse handed to you in Mario Kart?”

He’s so relieved to see a broad, genuine smile steal across her face that he kisses her soundly. When she kisses him back with equal vigor, warmth blooms in his chest and his toes curl into the plush carpet.

She pulls back after many long seconds and grins devilishly at him. “Oh, you’re so on.”

#ficandchips #dwfic #doctor who #ten x rose #sacred new beginnings #ten x rose au #james x rose #romance #angst #hurt/comfort #my fic

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berenwrites · 2 years ago

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Whole New Us Ch13 - Stranger Things - Steddie

Whole New Us: Trauma Bonded and Beyond

A/N: Please be aware that this chapter has bad things happening to Steve - I wouldn't say any worse than what the actual show likes to put him through (s3 I'm looking at you), but darker than the rest of the fic so far. My beta reader (my sister) also called me a cow for where the chapter stops, so you have been warned ;)).

Also on AO3 | Or here CH1 | CH2 | CH3 | CH4 | CH5 | CH6 | CH7 | CH8 | CH9 | CH10 | CH11 | CH12 | CH13 | CH14 | CH15 | CH16 | CH17 | CH18 | CH19 | CH20 | CH21 | CH22 | CH23 | CH24 | CH25 (Mature) | CH25 (Fade to black) COMPLETE

Summary: Steve has been ignoring his own problems, he’s been busy. They’ve all been busy, preoccupied with fixing everything that was broken. Vecna has been defeated, but the Upside Down is still there, and the gates are not completely closed even though Hawkins has almost returned to normal. It’s been a couple of months and the aftereffects of Steve’s encounter with the demobats is about to come back to bite him. However, it also brings some unexpected hope.

Pairing: steddie (Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson)

Rating: Teen (with mature content in later chapters)

Chapter 13. Secret Places

Robin had nipped out during her break to pick up a few things she had promised to get for her mom, so Steve was left manning Family Video by himself. Luckily for him it was completely dead. Clearly it was too early on a Saturday for anyone in Hawkins to care about renting movies. He was working on the rewind pile, but mostly he was daydreaming.

After their rather serious conversation a couple of nights previously, he and Eddie had mutually decided to take their relationship to the next level. Not what he would have described as full-on sex, but skin on skin and hands everywhere. It had given him plenty to daydream about, and Robin had complained loudly that he wasn’t paying enough attention to her after he had accidentally confessed he was thinking about his hot boyfriend, so he was taking the opportunity for what it was.

Eddie was currently at his place having a band rehearsal in his garage, since Eddie didn’t yet feel comfortable going to Gareth’s after what had happened with Jason. Steve was really hoping to hear some of Eddie’s music live soon, but today was not that day. He could imagine how sexy Eddie would be in full metal mode, however.

When the door sounded, he looked up wondering if it was his best friend back already.

The pretty blond woman and her tall hulking companion immediately put him on edge. Steve had never seen them before. But then the man smiled, whispering something, the woman rolled her eyes and they headed into the racks like perfectly normal customers. Steve watched them out of the corner of his eye for a little while, but then told himself he was being paranoid and got back on with his work, although he did glance up every now and then.

“Hi,” a distinctly sexy voice said, just after he bent down to pick up a wayward tape.

He stood up quickly to find the woman leaning on the counter. Once upon a time the way she was leaning to give an ample view of her cleavage would have had Steve flirting in a heartbeat, but there was something off that he just couldn’t shake. Instead, he simply slapped his customer service smile in place and tried to figure out what was setting him off.

“Hello,” he said, “how can I help?”

“Well,” she said, smiling at him in a very unsubtle way, “my boyfriend and I were looking for something a little naughty for the weekend. Do you have any recommendations?”

“We have a good selection of R rated movies,” Steve told her in full customer service mode, “so it would depend what you’re interested in, or we have some adult rated titles behind the curtain at the back.”

“Do you think you could show me?” she asked, leaning over the counter even more.

It was so blatant it made him uncomfortable. And that was the moment he realised he had completely lost sight of her boyfriend. As he lifted his head to look around there was a hissing sound and a sharp pain in his neck. Grabbing at it he ripped out something cylindrical, looking down stupidly at what was clearly a dart in his hand.

“Now you are ours,” the woman said, American accent completely gone.

Steve’s brain screamed Russian, but there was nothing he could do as everything started going dark. Warn Eddie was the only rational thought in his brain before someone stuck something that crackled in his back and all his muscled seized as he fell into darkness.

~*~

Steve came to with his fight or flight mode very much still active and he surged forward, only to find he couldn’t move. Metal dug into his skin, bringing him up short as he flexed from head to foot.

“Interesting,” said a heavily accented voice, “Subject A is conscious three hours before calculated estimate.”

Blinking, Steve did his best to gather his scattered thoughts to figure out what was going on. As his eyes finally focused, he discovered himself looking at the same face he had seen as he passed out, only now the woman had her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and she was wearing a lab coat. Panic made him struggle, but he couldn’t even turn his head.

He was strapped, crucifix style to some sort of gurney, almost upright, but not quite, by thick metal bands. The metal of what he was lying on was unforgiving against his back and he realised his shirt and vest had been removed. There was even a strap tight across his forehead keeping him completely immobile. It was difficult to see anything, but he could see wires coming from his chest, and a tube running to his left arm.

He was strong, but even his new strength wasn’t a match for the amount of metal pinning him down.

“What’s happening?” he asked, eyes frantically darting around at the flashing lights and computer equipment all around what he realised was a lab.

The woman ignored him, turning and saying something in Russian while she ticked something else off on her clipboard.

“Level 1,” she said in English, giving him a look he remembered all too well from his last interaction with Russians.

The woman wanted him to understand, wanted him to be afraid. He was so busy trying to figure out why, his still confused brain ignored the man moving to his left. His error became obvious when something cold jabbed him in the side. He had just enough time to flick his eyes downwards to see a long metal pole when the man holding it pulled a trigger on the end.

A cry ripped from his throat as electricity scorched through his body. Metal dug into his arms, legs and torso as his muscles cramped, spasming as the cattle prod like device delivered its painful load. For long seconds he couldn’t breathe. Something close was beeping wildly. It took everything he had to keep the otherness inside.

“What are you doing?” he gasped out when the weapon was withdrawn.

Everyone ignored him.

“No response,” the woman said, writing on her clipboard. “Level 2.”

Steve tensed, but it did no good. The pain was worse, his body convulsed just as it had before, and he was left dazed and gasping when the torment was withdrawn. He had no defence.

They got to level four before he could no longer repress the changes to his body. Claws ripped from his fingers, fangs descended in his upper jaw, and the room around him brightened considerably in his vision.

The female scientist observed him like some kind of animal, noting down things as she did, showing no hint of surprise at what she was seeing. Only then did he fully understand. They knew, the Russians already knew what he was, they just wanted to know how he ticked. The fear twisting through his body morphed into complete dread.

“Level 5,” she said.

“No please,” he begged, but they weren’t listening.

He couldn’t control the pain, he couldn’t control his reactions to it. Then the Russian’s reached level nine. Pure survival exploded through his brain. Everything vanished in a haze of pure instinct as his system screamed danger. Something popped as he surged against his restraints and he could move his wrist.

Someone was shouting in Russian as he struggled. He was fighting with every fibre of his being, and he could hear the incessant beeping of an alarm. With his heart beating wildly in his ears, he gave in to pure need until it felt like someone smothered him in fog. Between one breath and the next, the fight burned out of him. He could barely move.

The skin on his wrists and over his chest prickled and he had just about enough wherewithal to realise he had scales. He’d never done that outside the Upside Down before. It felt wrong, alien to the real world. Something inside him wanted to scream, but all he could manage was a weak moan. Even as the extreme changes faded, they left him reeling. He wished he could just let go, pass out, but his system kept on fighting.

“Inhibitor 1 successful,” his tormentor said, ticking it off on her clipboard.

She looked into his eyes and smiled.

“Level 1, stage 2,” she said, before turning to her subordinates and snapping something in Russian.

The strap he had managed to pull from its fastening was reattached and it started all over again.

He lost count as they tortured him, noting his responses at each stage of their experiment without so much as a tiny sign or remorse. They took him past the first limit, then the second before pumping something else into his system and doing it again. He was pretty sure he was in hell.

When they finally stopped, moving away to talk in their incomprehensible language, he could have cried. Maybe he did, he couldn’t be sure. Half laying, half supported by his bonds he let himself drift for a while. The drugs swimming in his system made everything hazy. He couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything, but at least they dulled the pain a little.

“Remarkable specimen,” were the words that dragged him back to a vague sense of reality.

The woman was standing right in front of him again, something he had completely missed happening, and she was looking at him like a hunter viewed prey. When the brute with the cattle prod approached again, all Steve could manage was a whine of distress, before the sadist touched it to his skin. The otherness burst to the surface as he screamed, and someone shoved something into his mouth.

Words were spoken in Russian, the pain went away, but the drugs and the aftershocks left his dazed and confused. He didn’t even try and resist as hands touched his face, too out of it to do more than register that something was happening. Moaning he tried to close his mouth, but the obstruction was keeping it open.

At first all he felt was pressure, a pull on his jaw even as his head was held immobile. He didn’t understand, not until the agony lanced through his head and he tasted blood on his tongue. The bastards were extracting one of his fangs and there was nothing he could do about it. At last, his overtaxed system had finally had enough, and darkness reached up to take him.

End of Chapter 13

Chapter 14

#stranger things fanfiction #steddie #steve harrington/eddie munson #steve x eddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #eddie lives #stranger things #st: whole new us #fanfic #post season 4 #vampires #kind of vampires #hurt/comfort

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rcreveal · 1 year ago

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Updated Masterlist

Started: 12/2/2023

Updated:12/15/2024

Good Omens Fanfic

Multi-chapter stories

Shipwrecked with no memory of who we were

Crowley and Aziraphale wash up on an island with no memory of who they were. We get to see them fall in love and be an Us without the baggage. Sweet tenderness with an A03-only spicy scene in chapter 3, but a mystery hangs over them until the final Chapter 5 when all is revealed in a hopeful ending.

Chapter 1 prompts 1)memory loss 2)the crystal ball Chapter 2 prompts 1)Aziraphale's watch, 2)I know what you smell like Chapter 3 prompts 1)Eden, 2)fanart Chapter 4 prompts 1)an argument Chapter 5 mysteries revealed and tie-in to post S2

The Trouble with a Keen Manager

Crowley is having some escalating troubles with his Home Office under a keen new manager. Needing help from old and new friends puts Crowley in some unusual situations as he fights to get his old power and autonomy back...and just to avoid discorporation. But how can he get help without exposing his reliance on any of them? Takes place in 1990's London before the birth of the Anti-Christ (yeah, I know that's not canon compliant for the book, but it could be for the TV series, right?) with canon-typical behaviors for Aziraphale and Crowley growing their relationship to the point that they'd be willing to work together so closely against Armageddon. Down in Hell, Shax and Furfur's acquaintance develops and we find out why no one in Hell was upset that Usher got the Holy Water treatment at the end of S1. Crossposted to A03.

Ch 1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4, Ch5, Ch6, Ch7, Ch8, Ch9, Ch10, Ch11, Ch12, Ch13, Ch14, Ch15, Ch16, Ch17, Ch18, Ch19, Ch20

(I just can't wait for) Season 3 Good Omens a finished season 3 story arc in 50+ chapters cross posted on AO3. I just haven't posted each chapter here, but if that would help your fanfic reading, send me a message and I will totally do that.

Chapter 1: in which Crowley is on a bender Chapter 2: Earlier the same day: in which Aziraphale goes to Heaven Chapter 3: Heaven and Hell: in which there are divers alarums

2024 Prompt a week Challenge on Sendarya's Discord Server

In the cow byre a deal is struck: England 1020 prompts 1)weather the origin of the Arrangement Feathers and Snakeskin prompts 1)Jane Austen, 2)you're up to something, 3)Crowley's snake, 4) how we said I love you with something we (had made) for each other. Crowley is nervous, really nervous, about...movie night? Nina helps out and we find out what's really worrying him. A Tattoo Temptation prompts 1)tattoos Beelzebub and Gabriel are hiding out in the Pacific Northwest after S2. Humor and angst in this short one-shot, but the fly saves the day! Run! They think we're their Valentine prompts 1)Valentine's, 2)oysters, 3)'Should I say 'thank you'?' Fluff and humor with an unusual premise, Aziraphale and Crowley try to escape the strange thing that happens on Valentine's day. Maggie's Nana's Valentine Birthday prompts 1)Valentine's day 2)Nina and Crowley are the kind of friends who drink together and call each other names Shipwrecked with no memory of who we were Aziraphale and Crowley wash up on an island with no memory of who they were. We get to see them fall in love and be an Us without the baggage. Sweet tenderness with an A03-only spicy scene in chapter 3, but a mystery hangs over them until the final Chapter 5 when they redefine their purpose in a hopeful ending. Chapter 1 prompts 1)memory loss 2)the crystal ball Chapter 2 prompts 1)Aziraphale's watch 2)I know what you smell like Chapter 3 prompts 1) Eden, 2)Fanart Chapter 4 prompts 1) An argument Chapter 5 mysteries revealed and tie-in to post S2 Spring Cleaning Fluff and friendship in post S3 Whickber street. Eric and Muriel have something odd happening and everyone steps into help out and enjoy the beautiful day. Wing grooming. An Adjustment Aziraphale decides to expand the Arrangement. Answers the question from Spring Cleaning-'How long has Aziraphale been grooming Crowley's wings?' Menaced by Memo fluff and work humor. Ever had to fill out a quality improvement work survey? Crowley and Aziraphale get their first ones...Prompt: how you said I love you-with story-telling Static Breakthrough meditation on loss, waiting, pining, with a hopeful ending. Prompt: the invisible, unbreakable line between Aziraphale and Crowley

Nov 2023 Prompt a day challenge: Nanomutt: How you said I love you (find the complete list of prompts in the link below for "Things that make me happy")

How you said I love you Prompt a day challenge Courting in the Stars Day 3 with a scream-fluff and romance Soggy Bread Day 5 over a beer-fluff and humor Punting Day 6 on a sunny Tuesday afternoon with the sun shining in your hair-fluffyfest, tooth-rotting fluff The Quest Day 2 under the covers with a hoarse voice and 7 with a thank you-fluff and humor Complete Choice Overload Day 8 as an apology &9 with chocolate chip cookies-fluff and humor The Anniversary Day 10 not said to me- heavy angst/tragedy Come At Once [Stop] I found it [stop] Day 11 with a shuddering gasp-fanart inspired mystery romance Spring Picnic Day 12 when we lay together on the fresh spring grass-fluff, silliness, humor, and romance Mindfulness Practice Day 14 as a whisper in the ear-soft humor, hurt/comfort All Creatures Great and Small... Day 15 loud so everyone can hear-fluff and humor Movie Night Day 16 over and over again until it becomes unintelligible babble-fluff and humor Research of the Heart Day 17 when the broken glass litters the floor & 18 from far away-fluff, silly humor, romance Night Terrors Day 19 with no space left between us-hurt and comfort Hurricane Warning Day 20 as we huddle together with the storm raging outside-fluff, Anansi boys/GO crossover Bath Research Day 22 muffled from the other side of the door-fluff and silly humor-Muriel At the Royal Albert Day 23 through a song- fluff and romance Wasteland Day 26 Broken, as you clutch my sleeve and beg me not to leave-heavy angst/tragedy S3 speculation Paint Job Day 27 a taunt, with one eyebrow raised and a grin bubbling on your lips-fluff and humor with the Bentley Last Dance Day 28 when I am dead-bittersweet hopeful ending, final goodbye, hurt/comfort First Edition Day 29 slowly, the words dripping from your tongue like honey-fluff, humor, hurt/comfort Muffled Day 30 too quickly, mumbled into your scarf-fluff, humor, pining, developing romance 1941: A New Beginning Day 32 in a way I can't return-hurt/comfort

Demon Eric and Angel Muriel Adventures

Complete Choice Overload fluff, humor Spring Picnic fluff, humor, romance, pining Research of the Heart fluff, humor, romance Bath Research fluff, humor, mostly Muriel At the Royal Albert fluff and romance Muffled fluff, humor, angst, developing romance, pining Spring Cleaning Fluff and friendship in post S3 Whickber street. Eric and Muriel have something odd happening and everyone steps into help out and enjoy the beautiful day.

Short One Shots

Dirty Santa Comes to Whickber Street General audiences-a new gift giving tradition comes to Whickber St New Leadership Crowley totally throws down and takes over Hell after Aziraphale goes to Heaven with the Metatron, S3 speculation A Tattoo Temptation Beelzebub and Gabriel are hiding out in the Pacific Northwest after S2. Humor and angst in this short one-shot, but the fly saves the day! Run! They think we're their Valentine! Fluff and humor with an unusual premise, Aziraphale and Crowley try to escape the strange thing that happens on Valentine's day. Rainy Day tooth rotting fluffy cuddles, Crowley loves watching Aziraphale eat and Aziraphale loves Crowley's snake form

Aziraphale and Crowley through the Ages

I stick to canon compliant fic

In the cow byre a deal is struck: England 1020 the origin of the Arrangement An Adjustment Aziraphale decides to expand the Arrangement. Answers the question from "Spring Cleaning"-'How long has Aziraphale been grooming Crowley's wings?' Unintended Consequences 1827 Edinburgh what happened after Crowley and Aziraphale gave Elspeth all that money 1941: A New Beginning canon-typical relationship building after the magic show from the prompt "in a way I can't return" The Trouble with a Keen Manager 1990's, Crowley loses his powers to a keen manager and fights to get them back, with some Whickber Street human and angelic help.

Aziraphale and Crowley

The Kiss that launched a thousand fics-S2E6 musing Crowley's POVAziraphale's POV

#masterlist #good omens fanfic #cross posted on ao3 #aziraphale good omens #crowley good omens #muriel good omens #maggie good omens #nina good omens #demon eric

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anauro · 3 years ago

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Your fic is literally soo goodd omggg like I wasn’t into the whole drug addicts at first but like THE JEGULUS DYNAMIC IN THIS FIC IS UNMATCHED like I looove a good slow burn. I just finished ch17 and that last bit omg?? Do you have any thing you can say about the next chapter without spoiling obviously .

Hey, babe!

Drug addiction is not a theme I thought I’d ever explore in a fanfic but oh hey, it happened!

Ch18 will be heavily medical —Reg’s nights— and I will try fit some of the Jegulus domestic fluff if time allows.

But ch18 will also feature:

Marlene being the fairy gay mother

Reg and Barty being dorks together

Evan

A breakthrough in Jegulus (so if you don’t care about the medical bit, make sure you at least read the ending)

#drugs and surgical scrubs #jegulus #jegulus fanfiction #starchaser #james potter #regulus black #starchaser fic

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the-darklings · 4 years ago

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hello kat first of all i’d like to say you’re an incredible writer and i absolutely love coa and everything related to it thank you so much queen constantly raising the bar for us all and doing it flawlessly // also: i discovered coa recently on ao3 so i don’t really know how things are going on here on tumblr but i’m SO CURIOUS: which ship do your readers root for more? personally i have extremely good taste and a remarkable big juicy brain so to me v x santi is endgame 😌

hello, hello!

so sorry for the late reply to this message! things have been a big old mess lately and I just saw this message today looking through my inbox for those one-word prompts you all sent in (thank you for them, getting ready to do a couple today, and a massive thank you also to everyone who sent me well wishes, love you all ♥️)

okay, so. there is actually quite the funny history with shipping in coa ngl sksksk. it should be said that I’ve seen V shipped with....pretty much everyone at some point? thankfully not winston/charon because we love one family. but everyone else? pretty much open for a joyride.

so obviously this story started out with john/v, though it didn’t take long for santino to get traction. I would probs consider ch5 the biggest turning point for that team in terms of people just being “okay, i’m vibing with this dynamic” but it was still pretty even for a while? ngl slowly started seeing a change though. had a flutter of lucien/v and hector/v shippers too upon their introductions (especially the latter, to a point I think during blurb nights and such hector was the second heaviest requested after s/v). I would say it’s about ch13 that (with santino’s decision) the scale finally and notably tipped more so in santino’s favour because some reserves people might have had about if he would choose v over power/revenge were laid to rest.

the second biggest shake-up, without a doubt in my mind, was the introduction of elder/v in ch17. no one (with exception of maybe discord gang who got some vibes/snippets from me) had any idea what was coming, and even then, I knew it would be a knock on a lot of people and that was the point. a lot of team john actually really dug elder (I do think it’s because the elder is very middle of the road between john and santino) but obviously, uh, ch18 happened and complicated things a lot. though I know a lot of people still ship them despite what was revealed, and are very curious to see where that reveal takes them/if there will be an explanation/resolution from it.

#to sum up: team santino seems to be the biggest but a fair few people multiship #and welcome!#anon #asks

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aperrywilliams · 4 years ago

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A Normal Conversation Ch20 (Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

Ch01 Ch02 Ch03 Ch04 Ch05 Ch06 Ch07 Ch08 Ch09 Ch10 Ch11 Ch12 Ch13 Ch14 Ch15 Ch16 Ch17 Ch18 Ch19 Ch20

———————

Summary: Spencer is discharged from the hospital and Max takes care of him. It’s time for Max to know about Maeve.

Word Count: 3801.

Rating: Teen and Up Audience. Fluff and some suggestive sex talk too. Angst.

Warnings: Some suggestive sex talk and references about character’s dead.

A/N: I’m back!!!! Okay. This will be a bumpy road for Max and Spencer. I’m going to tag my Maxcer’s friends @dreatine @andiebeaword @ironwoman18

——————–

Chapter 20: Nothing (everything) to worry about

“Well, I think that's it. These are the tests you will need to take in the next few days. I want you to come to visit me in 2 more weeks with the results and we’ll see how to proceed. Take your medications at the prescribed times. And I recommend you this first week don’t be alone in day and night, just as precaution”.

Those were the doctor's instructions before signing Spencer's discharge. Max and Emily were with him when she came for the last checkup before Spencer could go back home. When doctor handed the papers to Spencer, she said goodbye to everyone and was leaving the room when she remembered something she hadn't said.

“Well, it kind of obvious that this first two weeks you cannot do demanding physical exercise, either outside or inside your home. I guess you understand this also applies to sex. At least until your first check”. That said, the doctor left the room. Spencer and Max, blushing, looked at each other. Max just shrugged. Prentiss couldn't help but grinned and comment.

“Sorry guys, doctor’s orders,” she pointed out trying to contain her laugh, which quickly calmed down before she started to speak again. “Well... then that’s going to happen now...”. Spencer could see he was about to get a lecture on self-care and ‘measures’ that would apply in his case.

“The first thing is you’ll have a month's leave at BAU...,” Emily stated.

“A month?!!... are you kidding me...,” Spencer scoffed.

“One month. That’s right. And I don't want complaints because I haven't finished yet. As I said, you’ll have one month of leave at the BAU, but this can change considering the appointments with your doctor. So don't get your hopes up just yet. Second, so you don’t get bored, we’ll make telephone consultations to you only if it’s necessary, from the third week of your leave. Not before. Max? Do you want to continue?...,” Prentiss asked.

“Third, the first week I will stay with you for anything you could need or happen. If I have to be absent for many hours, someone from the team will be my replacement. We already talked, and if there is any case, Penelope will be available if it’s necessary. Fourth, after the second week, you’ll be able to stay alone a few hours, but we’ll check on you during the day. After that we’ll see how to adjust according to what doctor tells you after the first control…”. Spencer only let out a snort.

“Well, I guess I can't protest any of this…”. Max and Emily nodded. “Okay. Great. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get dressed to go home... I guess I can do that, right?,” Spencer slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom before pulling his clothes out of the closet.

Emily drove Max and Spencer to his apartment. After parking outside the building, she said goodbye to the couple and threatened Reid again about being compliant to the doctor's instructions and she would call him next day.

Max took Spencer's key and unlocked the door. She let Spencer step inside first. He started to examine the place. A flash of what happened before he lost consciousness that night struck him suddenly. That made him freeze in place.

“Spencer? What's wrong?,” Max asked when she saw Reid's face paled a little. Spencer quickly came to himself.

“Ehm, nothing. It's just I was remembering things from that night…”. Max squeezed one of his forearms.

“Hey, everything is fine. You're back and that's just a bad memory. With Luke yesterday we came to clean, so sorry if you see things that are not exactly in place...”. Spencer smiled.

“I'm not that kind of maniac... I think,” he told Max.

“Just warning,” Max told raising her hands. “Okay, why don't you go to your room and lie down for a bit? I know you haven't been out of the hospital long, but you have to take things slow. I bet you will fall asleep soon.”

“Will you join me?,” Spencer asked to her with puppy eyes.

“Sure I will. You just go. Let me check the fridge and pantry to see if I need to buy something later at the grocery store,” Max pointed out smiling to him.

It was precisely what Max did. After putting things in place, she headed to Spencer’s room. He had fallen asleep quickly lying on the bed. Max shook her head, smirking when she saw Spencer hadn't even removed his converses. She gently walked over to Reid and began to untie his shoes. Spencer stretched slightly half asleep still. Then she took the blanket that was at the foot of the bed and covered him with it. She was about to leave the room again when Max heard Spencer babble.

“You said you would join me...”. Max let out a laugh as she retraced her steps.

“I thought you already forgot,” Max whispered as she lay down next to Spencer, who turned to his side, allowing Max to hug him from behind. She rested her forehead on the base of his neck. Spencer hummed happily feeling her touch. Minutes later they were both sound asleep.

Max was the first to wake up. It was close to 5 in the afternoon. She watched as Spencer slept peacefully. She got up slowly so as not to wake him. When she succeeded, she quietly left the room and went to the living room.

Max entertained herself with some of the books Spencer had on one of his shelves. In their time together, she rarely had time to really inspect Spencer's book collection. She was glad to discover that some of the titles that were there were classics that she had once read and that some of them were even in her own library.

An hour later she was on the couch reading a collection of works by Conan Doyle that she liked very much: ‘The Exploits of Brigadier Gerard’. Perhaps a little-known title, but she loved it. So immersed was she in the book that she didn't realize Spencer was behind her looking at what she was reading.

“I didn't know you liked that book, but it doesn't surprise me either,” Spencer said in a still sleepy voice. Max jumped.

“Jeez! Spencer! You scared me. I didn't know you were spying behind me,” Max complained. Spencer started laughing.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you,” he said sitting down next to Max on the couch.

“How did you sleep?”. Max asked.

“Perfectly fine until I woke up and noticed that 'someone' wasn't by my side,” Spencer complained. Max smirked.

“I didn't mean to wake you up, you looked so adorable sleeping,” Max explained. Reid blushed a little.

“Does that mean I'm not adorable all the time?”. Spencer asked with a pout.

“Since when Doctor Reid is so little humble?”. Max joked. Spencer pulled Max towards him, taking the book from her hands and setting it down on the coffee table.

“I've never been humble, it's just that I'm too shy to say it,” Spencer joked back. Max sighed feigning annoyance.

“If I had known that I would not have accepted a date with you.” They both started laughing.

“Okay… okay. But seriously speaking. I wish I had waked up and you were by my side,” Spencer said looking directly into Max's eyes.

“Oh yeah, and why?”. Max asked.

“Why?, well… to do this…,” Spencer told in a whisper, while leaning to catch Max’s lips with his. Was a soft kiss. Max smiled.

“Oh, so you wanted to kiss me Doctor Reid… that’s the matter, I get it…”. Before Max could continue speaking, Spencer took both of her cheeks and kiss her again. This time with more purpose. Max closed her eyes and wrapped Spencer’s neck with her arms. Spencer clung his hands in Max’s hips. Spencer deepened the kiss and Max didn't complained.

“Oh God… two weeks. Isn't the last week we've been apart enough?”. Spencer protested between kisses.

“Don’t even say it. Do you think you are the only one who is going to suffer this?,” Max mumbled between kisses too.

“I know. But… can we make an exception, right?”. Spencer proposed while he made Max lay on the couch and positioned himself hovering her.

“Of course not! Without exceptions. Just make out, understood?,” Max stated. Spencer captured her lips in a soft kiss again. As he pulled away he smirked mischievously.

“I promise not to make too much effort...”. He buried his lips on her neck, searching for the place Max loved being kissed.

“Spencer... don't do that... please,” Max said in somewhat that sounded as a restrained moan.

“Why not?... I'm not exercising myself... yet...,” Spencer whispered latching his lips in Max’s neck and sucking the skin.

“Uhm... because I'm not going to be the one breaking the rules this time”. With the best of will she could muster, Max let Spencer’s grip and got up from the couch on her way to the kitchen. Spencer dropped his arms in defeat.

“Okay, okay. I won't do anything, but don't go, Max... please...”

“Too late for that trick, Dr. Reid. I'll go to make us something to eat,” Max told him before disappearing into the kitchen.

After dinner, the couple sat on the couch to watch a movie. Max made sure Spencer took his meds first, so in the middle of the movie Spencer was falling asleep. Max whispered him go to bed and Spencer without resisting got up from the sofa and headed into his bedroom.

As the time passed and Max didn't make it to the bedroom, Spencer got out of bed and walked into the living room to see Max lying on the couch.

“What are you doing?”. Spencer asked rubbing his eyes.

“Well… it’s obvious, trying to sleep,” Max replied nonchalantly. Spencer frowned.

“You could do the same is the bed, you know that, right?...”

“I don´t want to disturb you. You need to rest Spencer”.

“Max, we've already slept together, several times I must say. I don't see the math behind this…”

“I know that. But in other circumstances. Now I'm taking care of you… and I told you… you need to rest. And you know I move a lot in my sleep”. Spencer huffed in disbelief.

“Would you change your mind if I told you I would fall asleep faster if you were with me?,” Spencer tried to negotiate. Max frowned and kept thinking some seconds.

“Just one condition…,” she said narrowing her eyes and looking Spencer.

“Which one?,” he asked folding his arms in his chest.

“Your hands where I can see them,” she told him in a serious tone. Spencer couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay, okay… I promise I won't do anything else but the cuddles”

Both in bed, curled up and ready to sleep, Spencer whispered in Max's ear: “I'll look forward to these two weeks, then I don't want any excuses Miss Brenner”. Max just smirked and replied, “Trust me, there will be no excuses Dr. Reid, none at all”. After a while, they both fell asleep.

Max didn't know what time the clock was showing, but it must have been some hour in the early morning. Reid's groans and shouts made her wake up abruptly. Realizing about time and space, she immediately looked to her side and saw Spencer contorting and moving his hands with his eyes tightly closed.

“Spencer… wake up. Baby, you are here, at home. You're fine, nothing's wrong...”. Max began to gently stroke his arm, fearing to wake him up unexpectedly. Spencer was still in his nightmare.

“Me for her! Let her go. Me… for her. No... don't hurt her. I will… take… her… place…”. A gasp was the last thing he let out of his mouth before he felt as his body hit the floor. That was how he suddenly woke up. Max jumped in shock. Spencer in two seconds was sitting up in bed, breathing heavily, sweating and shaking his head visibly disoriented. Max gently put his hand on his shoulder. Spencer immediately looked to his side and found Max's eyes filled with concern and confusion.

“Ahm... I’m sorry... I...” he muttered.

“Yes, you were having a nightmare. But now you are here, Spencer. You’re awake, in your apartment. You're not dreaming anymore. Can you move your feet?, please, move your feet and your hands for me baby,” Max told him to try to bring him in place. Spencer slowly returned to a normal breathing rhythm.

“I- I have to go to the bathroom,” Reid snapped suddenly, getting up from the bed.

“Okay, go. I’ll make you some tea…” Max replied as well, getting up from the bed.

The water had already boiled and Max already had two mugs ready to pour the tea when she heard Spencer came out of the bathroom. As Max carried the tea mugs into the living room, she noticed Spencer was sitting on the couch supporting his head with both arms resting on his knees.

“It was one of the recurring ones?,” Max asked. Spencer lift his head to look at her. Max approached and handed Spencer one of the tea mugs.

“No… well… it was, for a while. I had stopped dreaming about it…,” he mumbled, supporting the mug with both hands. Max sat up by his side in the couch.

“Do you want to talk about that?”

“No… I don't want to. I'm sorry…,” Spencer apologized. He didn’t feel prepare to reveal that part of his life yet.

“It's okay. Don’t be sorry. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But you have to find some way to get it out of there. If you don't want to talk about it with me, maybe with someone else?...,” Max told him trying to negotiate. It broke her heart see Spencer so vulnerable in that moment.

“I do not know if I can…,” Spencer said. It was more as if he was talking to himself.

“If it’s a sad memory... you told me once that was better to let it out, remember?”. Spencer nodded.

“I know. You´re right. I told you that. Just… I just need some time…”. Max nodded, taking one of his hand and stroking the palm with her fingertips.

“Spencer, I want to help you. You don't have to do this alone. Don't think you have to do it alone now”. Spencer gritted his teeth and nodded. Some tears rolling down his cheeks. After taking a sip of his tea, Spencer sighed deeply and looked at Max.

“Do… do you remember once I told you I faced the untimely death of some people in my life...?”. Spencer started to speak somewhat hesitantly at first. He wanted to keep that hidden in his memory, but he knew he had to tell Max at some point. He hoped she could understand.

“Yes ... you told me about Gideon and your friend in prison...,” Max said with his hand still in hers, trying to comfort him.

“There's someone else...”. Spencer let go of Max's hand and shifted on the couch with his eyes on the floor and his hands folded in his lap. Max shifted too but she didn’t approach Spencer to give him some space.

“Okay... you can tell me,” she stated encouraging him to speak.

“I met her when I read one of her articles published at a conference. Maeve Donovan. I contacted her because I was interested in asking her some questions. She was very kind to answer me. This is how we started talking. First in writing. We exchanged some letters before we started talking on the phone. God! She was amazing, a very smart and assertive woman. You could tell that she really liked what she was doing and of course she was very successfully in her research field, she was geneticist…”. Spencer took a minute to study Max's face. There was no clear expression, but her body language told him that she was completely attentive to his story. There was no judgment in her gaze. At least not yet. That was how he continued talking.

“Our conversations were more and more frequent. We could be hours on the phone, you know... talking about many things. It was as if I had found my better half. I once told Blake about her and she asked why we hadn't seen each other yet. The truth was until that moment I hadn’t thought about it either. But with the idea in mind, one day I dared to ask her if we could meet… I felt a knot in my stomach. She said she would ‘love it’ but she was scared. Maeve confessed to me she felt she was being stalked and she was terrified. That every time she left her house it was like feeling a shadow chasing her. I told her she need to talk the police. She didn't want to, she wasn't sure who could be behind it and she was afraid of nobody believe in her story.

But I believed her! I offered her help. But... I didn't really know how to help her either. And so the weeks passed... and months. We continue talking on the phone. Until once she told me to meet at a restaurant. I was nervous, euphoric. I wasn't sure how she was going to react, but I was sure I loved that woman… it couldn't be otherwise…”. Spencer's voice grew raspy and it was a little more difficult for him to speak. Max took his hand and stroked it, trying to get him to regulate his breathing. After a deep sigh, he continued speaking.

“We didn't see each other. That night in the restaurant I had the feeling that her stalker was right in the same place, so I called her and told her not to come. She was just steps from the restaurant. I went outside to look for her, but she was gone. A few days passed and there were no calls. When I tried to call her from a pay phone, a recorded voice said ‘zugzwang’, for me was a warning. I knew something was wrong. I didn’t know what to do. Only Alex knew about this, so... I talked to the team. I told them everything. I begged them to help me find her. I knew she was in danger…”. Spencer continued recounting the facts of Maeve's kidnapping, of how they finally found her stalker who ended up being a potential Maeve’s graduate student. She kidnapped her and was threatening to kill her. “When we located them, I didn't know what to do, my stomach told me that Maeve was in real danger, but I really believed that I could save her. That's how I wrote to Diane in a piece of paper 'Me for her' and showed her through a camera.

I was willing to take her place. Diane let me in alone, unarmed. It was at that moment that we met for the first time. Maeve's eyes tried to hide her fear and I tried to convey the false tranquility I had in mine. I knew she was in danger and that there was little chance of getting out of there unscathed. I tried to convince Diane to let her go. I offered myself on a silver platter. When she asked me if I was willing to die for her, I didn't hesitate, not even thinking that it could create a catastrophe. No, Diane wasn't going to let Maeve feel that she was loved, not even because of my sacrifice… so she took the gun… and… with Maeve's body glued to hers… she shot herself in the head… then… I saw… how they both… bodies were falling to the floor… in a pool of blood…,” Spencer covered his face with both hands as he began to sob hard. Max, who had tears running down her cheeks, approached to Spencer and with one of her hands began to caress Spencer's back very gently, resting her head on his shoulder and with the other hand stroking his knee.

“I’m so sorry Spencer. I’m so sorry…”

Max was shocked. All she wanted was to hug Spencer with all her strength, but she was afraid of overwhelming him. He had just emptied too painful a part of himself and Max was afraid that more physical contact would take him away from her. Spencer was sobbing loudly. The memories of that night played over and over again but now with the sound of his own words.

“I couldn't save her Max. I couldn't. She died in front of me believing that I could do something to save her. I failed her. I failed her...,” Spencer muttered between sobs.

Max couldn't help herself and wrapped Spencer in a tight hug. Spencer didn't hesitate and swathed his own arms around Max's torso, dipping his head into her neck.

“I know there are no words I can say to ease the pain you've been in all this time, but I'm here for you, Spencer. I know you think you failed Maeve, but I'm sure you did everything in your power to save her. I have no doubts about that,” Max whispered to Spencer as she traced gentle patterns with her fingers on his back to soothe him.

While Spencer still emptied his emotions into Max's embrace, she began to put together the puzzle in her head with these new pieces. Maeve was the woman who was with Spencer in her dream. He was going to leave with Maeve. She was… she is… the love of his life. It all made sense now. Max didn’t want to delve into selfish thoughts at that moment, she perfectly understood how complicated the situation was. She understood why Spencer was so reserved at times. She understood why her relationship with him was so private after all. He had suffered a lot and she realized that loving was something painful for him.

Where did this leave them now? Max had no answer for that. The most important thing for her now was taking care of Spencer. He was recovering from a injury that could have killed him. And that also was making resurface some things stored in him for a long time. There would be time to talk later, she thought. Her feelings for Spencer hadn't changed at bit with this, on the opposite, it was proved to her he was a man worth loving. Could he ever feel the same way about her? That would be the question that would be planted in Max's head perhaps for a long time. She didn't know yet. And right now she was terrified to know the answer.

———————

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #maxine brenner #maxcer #criminal minds #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid smut #dr. spencer reid

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ineffablecolors · 5 years ago

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The Wife [24/24]

The Wife || Ch 24 ~ 8.8k || Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5 Ch6 Ch7 Ch8 Ch9 Ch10 Ch11 C12 Ch13 Ch14 Ch15 Ch16 Ch17 Ch18 Ch19 Ch20 Ch21 Ch22 Ch23 || FF.NET & AO3

Summary: No one knows all that Emma has been through and certainly no one knows all that Killian has been through and being husband and wife doesn’t make them any less unknown to each other. And really, how can you help someone heal when you don’t even know how hurt they are?

A/N: First, forgive me. This is half a year late but life is unpredictable sometimes and the muse - always. This last chapter is the longest of this fic and I sincerely hope it makes up for the long wait. For a moment there, I didn’t think I would be able to finish this in a way that satisfied me but I’m actually quite pleased with what you are about to read. I hope you will be too. Second, thank you. This fic has proven to be my best experience in this fandom. Thank you for all the excitement, for the gifts and for the gifs, for the long reviews and for the “loved it” reviews, for the kudos and for the likes, for the messages and for all the little jokes. I never would’ve written this without you guys. This isn’t mine, this is ours. Thank you for the love!

The silver platter hits the table with a clatter – all empty cups and plates, she didn’t know the girl could eat this much even if she forced herself, which Mrs Lucas suspects she has.

“Well?”

“’Well’, well, he says. You couldn’t have picked one that isn’t stubborn as a mule, could you?”

“If we are being precise, Liam—”

“Oh, we’re being ever so precise! So precise she won’t let her toe graze the carpet.”

Killian frowns deeply and Mrs Lucas feels her shoulders slump even before she has decided to give up being vexed with him and his lady wife.

Truth be told, Mrs Lucas was plenty relieved at first. She has seen her fair share of foolish women frequenting dances and even riding while with child. Mrs Jones deciding to remain at home looked like a blessing alright, before it became clear that the girl had decided to order herself on bedrest before one could even properly tell there was a babe growing inside her.

That was almost two weeks ago and it seems to Mrs Lucas that they have tried every trick for luring her outside. All save for the direct one.

“It seems to me that it is her husband who must talk to her.”

Killian gives her a look that is part disgruntled old man, part petulant little boy and the way his mouth works tells her he is resisting the urge to argue semantics and point out that he walks to his wife every day. Just not about what needs talking about.

///

He opens their bedroom door a couple of hours after talking to Granny, after letting Roger take him as fast as he was willing to go. He’d decided even before saddling the beast but the acute absence of Buttercup beside him or Emma pressed warm and soft again his back certainly solidified his courage.

The sun is starting to itch down and Emma’s fingers look like spun gold as they smudge the pencil lines on the sheet before her. Her ring doesn’t seem to reflect the light but rather absorb it into itself and it makes something possessive and very satisfied purr in his chest.

He sits on the edge of the bed and dives his hand under the blanket, searchingly blindly until he finds her ankle and curls his fingers around it – they close perfectly, the tips of his thumb and middle finger touching over the smooth hardness of her malleolus. He studied all the known bones in the human body in a fit of morbidness and cynical humour when he first lost his hand but the memory that comes to mind is one made in this very room, much too late into the night, and saturated with Emma’s almost constant giggles and sharp bursts of laughter as he recited all the names of her bones in the most tactile manner possible.

Now he circles the bone under his thumb and waits for her to finish drawing and look at him, not allowing himself to peak at her work, knowing she hates anyone seeing her sketches all the way until she grows either bored or pleased with them and abandons them on a windowsill. Her work was always good but he thinks it has been growing progressively better and he is having more and more difficulty holding his tongue about it until the right time.

Eventually, unhurriedly – he is both exasperated and incredibly pleased in her confidence that he will wait at the foot of the bed as long as it takes to receive her attention – she sets the sheet on the little bureau beside the bed – face down, pencil on top – and lifts her eyes to his. In the afternoon light, her eyes are golden too and this becomes one of those moments that make him very aware of how very beautiful his wife is.

He stands up and inclines his head toward the bath he sent Ruby to prepare before he came up.

“Trust me?”

It is not the layered question it might have been a year ago. It is mostly just that – I have only one hand and I want to lift you in my arms, will you trust me to do so? He doesn’t know if that is indeed what she hears, the way her eyelashes flutter, the way her mouth softens, but then she lifts her arms toward him – so innocent and child-like and trusting that Killian feels the space where his heart lies burning.

The flames in the fireplace reflect along the length of the white bathtub. There’s something different in the air, something tart and speaking of citruses because Emma doesn’t seem to like her old perfumes and soaps these days, because Ruby knows all and is – always, miraculously – prepared for it.

Killian’s arms are hard and firm as iron around his wife and yet, his step falters imperceptibly when her fingers first tangle in the ends of his hair. It’s hypnotic, euphoric. Her thumb glides over the muscles of his neck, pressing at intervals – curious and bold, as her fingers move ever so lightly through the grey strands. His hair has grown longer than is proper in the last month, he has taken advantage, delight even, in getting completely off the merry-go-round of society.

She is warm in his arms and slightly heavier – almost unnoticeable unless you are looking for that last confirmation the way he is, he stops half a pace from the tub and drops to one knee, lowering her ever so slowly into the water. She ripples all over at the first touch and he hides his grin in her hair.

“Oh, you are something else.”

He hums, inhales her before he pulls back to look in those molten eyes.

“All I am is yours, my queen.” His voice is the embodiment of reverence and supplication but the look in his eyes must betray his baser thoughts so he keeps them firmly on hers.

Her cheeks flush quickly, the warm bath and the blatant flirtation attacking in tandem, she lifts her shoulders slightly and gathers breath to pay him in kind. But he knows her ever so well, well enough to steal it again, ducking his head in the exact moment when the tops of her breasts peak out of the water and pressing his mouth to the soft skin.

It’s tempting beyond belief to touch and tease and enjoy her like this but he did in fact intend to help her with her bath and the ends of her hair are already growing heavier and darker. He rolls his left sleeve and watches her leave wet spots all over as she does for his right. He grabs a comb and shuffles behind her, pressing his body against the cool surface of the tub for relief, to keep his mind somewhat clear and starts working his way down her tresses.

“Emma.” He lays a curling strand over her shoulder and runs his knuckles over the long expanse of her throat – up and back to the nape of her neck, gathering another section of hair. “I’ve pondered— that is… I believe… love, I believe everything is going to be well.”

The air is still for a moment, the only sound the crackling from the fireplace. Then there’s a slight tug as she nods. Confirmation because of decisiveness rather than belief, he thinks.

“What I mean to say is that I want you to stop worrying.”

“I’m not worr—”

“You haven’t left this room in days.”

“My being careful does not mean I am worrying, thank you ever so.”

“Emma.”

“It does not.”

He presses his lips together and continues working the comb’s teeth between the strands of her hair. He itches all over to snuff out the tension in the citrus-scented air, to smooth his hand over her shoulder and embrace her and tell her that she is right. Alas, she isn’t always. His brother would laugh to death at him but Killian wants his wife to always be right, it makes him feel like he is losing his footing when she isn’t.

Emma’s sigh is deep, nettled but almost accepting now.

“Perhaps…,” her voice is small but she tips her head back on the edge of the tub and he can almost see her eyes. “Perhaps I’m a little scared.”

“That makes you a good deal less scared than me, love.”

She snorts – mellow and undignified and private and he drops the comb and slips his arm around her, resting his palm and forearm over her sternum and his cheek on her neck, wet hair sliding against skin.

“It’s going to be my fault if—” she starts.

“Nonsense. That is nonsense and you know it.”

“It is not. You don’t know. I feel… It feels like in all the world only I can protect this little thing that needs so much protecting.”

“Aye, I don’t know. What I do know is that you are the best protector anyone can ask for. And what you seem to forget is that… this time, this world, our world would do everything to protect you both.”

She is silent long enough that he picks up the comb again but when he takes a section of hair she hums and turns her face to the side, her lips pressing against the inside of his wrist.

///

She knows Killian means well, what is more, she suspects he might be right. But the thing is that Killian has already done this, he already is a wonderful father, he has already raised a beautiful, healthy and happy daughter. Killian could never muck this up. She just needs to be certain that she won’t either.

As with most things, Killian Jones changes her mindset and she has to give him extra credit for not even being present when doing it. It’s just that it does get insufferably boring to stay in one’s bed all day long, no matter how tall the pile of books by said bed and no matter how many different sunrises she draws. The house is still much too quiet without the girls there and somehow she manages to miss her husband any moment he is not being doting and overbearing. So, this is how Emma finds herself throwing off the thin blanket laid over her legs, wrapping herself in a shawl and tiptoeing out of her room.

“I did not know that I was married to a thief.”

Killian’s head comes up lightning fast, his neck pops audibly and his eyes widen in surprise and crinkle with joy as he finds her with a hip against his doorway. It takes him a moment and then another but Emma waits patiently for his mouth to quirk up and for him to lean back in his chair and meet her challenge.

“I’ve been called many a thing, my queen, but this is the first I’m hearing of my being a thief.”

“Everybody gets caught eventually, my heart, and you most certainly did not pay for that,” she says and nods toward the framed drawing hanging above his head.

Truly, it’s ostentatious and a little bit ridiculous to have it handing there. The sketch is good enough, if she does say so herself, but it’s old and messy and clearly abandoned much sooner than it would have been decent enough to display anywhere, let alone in a such a place of pride. It is far from the best rendition of this particular subject that she has been drawing ever since he told her.

“Oh, this?” Killian leans his head back so he can see the drawing and Emma can see the long expanse of his throat. “Why, Mrs Jones, I found this masterpiece just lying about on my property. I must say I’m rather in love with the style but for the life of me cannot seem to track down the artist.”

Emma shakes her head and moves further into the room, Killian pushes away from his desk and turns to face her as she circles his desk. She does so love every surface in this study.

“In love, are you?” she asks coyly even as she straddles his lap shamelessly.

“Hopelessly,” her dramatic husband says as both his real and wooden hand find her hips with studied accuracy and he rests his chin just below her belly, pressing a soft, absentminded kiss there that makes it flutter the way her eyelashes do. “Thank you for giving me my island, Emma.”

///

Alice and Robyn are back within a week of the three letters Emma and Killian pen, sharing the newest development in their life with their closest friends and family.

“Have you chosen a name for her yet?”

“Why are you so certain it should be a girl?” Emma asks, even though she is quite certain herself and delighted and anxious and impatient and many other feelings that she keeps stored beside her and Killian’s bed to unfold and examine only when it’s late and cloudy and just the two of them. The name of their child has yet to see the clouds of such a day.

“Oh, it is simply papa’s fate to be surrounded by ladies,” Alice answers as she winds another layer of wool around Robyn’s patiently extended forearms. Everyone but Alice is convinced that she has no idea what she is doing, mostly because she hasn’t even decided what it is she wants to make, but she and Robyn have been kneeling before the hearth and untangling Granny’s balls of wool long enough that now something simply must be done with it.

“Ladies?” Killian looks up from his papers and pulls his glasses a little down his nose, making a show of carefully surveying his surroundings. “Why, I cannot remember the last time I saw one.”

Emma gasps in a way worthy of her husband’s own theatrics even as Alice takes hold of one of the balls of wool and throws it like a true markswoman straight at her father’s head, dislodging the poor spectacles further, while Robyn agrees mournfully that she herself has forgotten what such a thing as a lady even looks like.

Emma couldn’t be happier to have them back.

///

One thing Emma never expected from her older and storm-wrought husband the first time she met him was to ever see the child that he surely must have been, the playfulness and innocence of youth. Emma remembers that assumption wobbling unsteadily the first time she saw Killian sitting on the floor and then a little more every time she watched him enjoy his cocoa a frankly undignified amount. She thinks this is the moment when the last rock of what’s left of that assumption topples, as she watches Killian lying on his stomach between her generously spread legs, head tilted to the side and tongue and teeth working over his bottom lip as he measures her breasts with his good hand with all the dedication a physician might apply to his life-saving research.

“Killian, they have not changed.”

Killian ignored her for a moment, then looks up with all the disappointment in the world gathered in his blue eyes. She suspects he positions the candles in their bedroom just so to give him the utmost dramatic flair when he himself is positioned just so between her legs.

“It is an outrage and a travesty how little attention you have paid to your own lovely form.”

“If I did, neither of us would get anything done, my heart.”

Killian’s grin is unrepentant, triumphant even.

“Precisely so, love. Thus, I am the expert on matters such as these and can assure you that differences are present, have been noted and must be properly appreciated.”

Even as she shakes her head, Emma arches her back a little off the mountain of pillows behind her, pushing her chest toward the warm radiating off of Killian. He obliges her with hand, stump and mouth and difference or not, Emma delights in being properly appreciated.

It is perhaps why the question catches her unawares later, somewhere in that state between the clearest pleasure and the deepest comfort, as she melts against Killian’s body and traces her nose along the edges of a long scar on his side – rhythmic and hypnotic and gradually putting herself to sleep.

“Have you given it any thought?”

The hum she lets him have is more than she thought herself capable of giving right now. It makes him chuckle, a hint of smugness in it that would make her roll her eyes if he had not earned it so thoroughly.

“A name. For our lass, according to all of you.”

“Oh.”

She follows that scar until her nose is buried between Killian’s hot skin and their silken sheets. Killian twitches a little and his hand tangles in her hair.

“I have no good ideas,” she mumbles somewhere under him and tilts her face so it’s now her mouth that brushes the raised skin, her tongue flicking out to taste the uneven texture. Killian groans above her and his hold tightens.

“Perhaps,” he swallows and gasps, delightfully out of control now as she digs further, following the routes on his skin and butting her head under him even as her hand slips between his legs. “Perrrhaps you could be… so good… oh, Emma, so good.”

“Mhm?”

“So… so good as to share them anyway?”

She takes her sweet time about it and he does not seem to mind terribly, not if the way he twists toward her and ruts against her is any indication. But, eventually, after she has been satisfied with his satisfaction, she comes out from under the tangle of sheets and blankets and Killian and combs the hair out of her eyes.

“I like nothing so well as to share,” she says, honest but almost petulant. “Evelyn. It’s the only one I like but not enough.”

It’s the first name spoken between them and it doesn’t fit quite the way she wants it to. Killian hums and mentions some he has considered and discarded himself.

“Mary Margaret says there is this new fashion to choose something meaningful. She and David wanted something brave. Strong.”

Killian props his chin on his left forearm and gives her a soft look, the kind that negates the need for her to ask for anything, the kind that says she just has to name it and it shall be. It always makes her feel terribly flustered, overwhelmed and rather powerful too. She wonders if that’s how queens feel at first.

“What do you want for her?”

Her lips twitch as his steady conversion, his blind trust in her equally blind belief that they are to have a girl.

“I just wanted her. And you gave her to me.”

Killian laughs, it delights her. “Rather the other way around. But after, what do you want after?”

She is still afraid to think too much about after, as if she will ruin it, if she imagines it too much. “I don’t… I just hope she is happy. I hope she is healthy and happy to be here.” She laughs, it sounds wet. “I hope she loves me.”

Killian’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth but she rushes ahead, can’t stop imagining now and it feels safer to do so here, with him.

“I hope I get to teach her to ride and Alice teaches her to shoot a bow and arrow and you teach her to read and, lord, I hope Ruby can teach her to dance because none of us will do it properly.”

She looks at Killian’s eyes and can’t tell if she loves the colour or the dark lashes or the lines around them more.

“I hope she falls in love. I… I hope…”

Killian’s eyes sparkle and the lines grow deeper.

///

Next come Liam and Elsa with all the fanfare and gifts that befits Admiral and Mrs Jones.

“She is not even born yet,” Killian grumbles even as he admires the toy horse his brother has deposited in the middle of their drawing room, on top of the table – much to Granny’s dismay and more genuine grumbling – like it’s the queen’s jewels.

“She?”

Killian’s face scrunches up and he waves a hand in the air.

“The girls have gotten into my head.”

“Then God help you when you get yet another one,” Liam grins smugly.

///

“You never asked.”

“Hmm?” Emma tears her head away from the target practice going on a few feet away from them. It’s not easy. There is something delightful about two young girls in billowing skirts embarrassing a naval admiral and captain and pushing them to the sort of language that Emma is certain neither Killian not Liam have ever permitted themselves to use off a ship before. When she looks at Elsa she has the same look on her face that she first gave her at her welcoming ball. “I beg your pardon?”

“It’s quite alright,” Elsa turns her head toward the rest of their party and takes a sip of her tea. “I could hardly take my eyes off him for the first three years after we married.”

Emma smiles and resists the urge to point out that time hasn’t changed all that much for Elsa and she is quite certain it won’t for her.

“Why we don’t have children. You never asked.”

Emma’s eyes widen at the non-sequitur and Elsa’s matter-of-fact tone.

“I… I didn’t want to pry.”

She hadn’t, she hadn’t even asked Killian, too aware of how much she hoped Admiral and Mrs Jones would take their time before they start asking themselves and others the same thing about her. That and she had drawn her conclusion and felt nothing but desire to not bestir those waters.

“I never wanted to,” Elsa says in that same tone and Emma blinks at her – once, twice, until Elsa’s perfect blue eyes turn to her.

Once, after a shamefully long and indulgent dinner at their estate and a couple of glasses of cognac each, Liam Jones said that he no longer feels the need to go sailing because he has the ocean all to himself every time he looks at his wife. Killian teased him mercilessly until Emma was forced to bring to attention the fact that he has taken, perfected and elevated his brother’s talent for dropping into casual conversation the sort of lines that must belong on stage.

Elsa smiles gently at her surprise.

“Outrageous, I know. What sort of a woman doesn’t want to raise a child with her husband?”

“No, I…” Emma doesn’t know what she would have said, if Elsa hadn’t continued, it’s hard to imagine not wanting something that you’ve thought you simply won’t be allowed for so long.

“I’m simply a terribly selfish person, Emma.”

“That’s not true.”

Elsa smiles again, much more playful, the kind of smile Emma is used to from her, the kind that tells you you don’t know even as little as you think you do.

“It is. But I don’t mind. I rather like it. Love it. I love my life and my husband. I never wanted to share it or change it and I’ve never felt…”

Emma can’t help but know exactly how she herself would have finished that thought. “Incomplete?”

Elsa is surprised to find her knowing, pleasantly so.

“No. Never.” She looks back at their husbands and the girls and Emma catches the movement of her fingers, playing with her rings. She notices because it looks so out of place in Elsa Jones who is always in perfect repose. “Liam has never tried to convince me. He wanted children, I didn’t, so we weren’t to have any.”

Emma turns to look at Liam Jones who is bent in half, hands on his knees and nose almost brushing Alice’s bow as he watches with narrowed eyes how she pulls back her arrow. She has never thought him an unsatisfied man and she doesn’t now.

“I just wonder sometimes. Why he never asked again,” Elsa says, almost as if to herself.

“Would you change your mind?” Emma asks, equally quiet and utterly unsurprised as Elsa shakes her head. “That’s why.”

Elsa turns to her and gives her a brand new smile, the kind that tells Emma sometimes Elsa doesn’t know everything either and she is glad to be told.

///

Mrs Nolan comes last but she brings Leo and everybody forgets everything else the second he smiles his biggest smile and sticks Killian’s thumb in his mouth.

///

“This is ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous.”

“Dearest—“

“Granny is in there! Why can’t I—“

“Alice, it’s… I’m sure it’s all overwhelming enough for Emma without the whole household being present.”

Robyn withstands her love’s glare admirably, if she does say so herself. Oh, Alice is sunshine made flesh and she loves her so much but when she is unhappy she rages like the wind whipping the whole world outside.

“I’m not going to overwhelm her. I want to be there! What if…”

Alice’s pacing comes to a sudden halt and Robyn furrows her brows and pushes off the wall outside Captain and Mrs Jones’s room, taking an instinctive step toward her.

“Alice, she’s going to be just fine.”

But Alice looks up at her from under her lashes and chews on her lip and Robyn realizes she doesn’t want anyone to see, let alone hear, her true fears. Robyn opens her mouth to reassure her again when Captain Jones appears at the top of the stairs and heads down the corridor toward them.

The change in Alice is instantaneous – her shoulders straighten and her eyes open and clear and she puts a little sway into her movements as she reaches out and takes her father’s hand.

For his part, Killian looks like he couldn’t compose himself even if he tried but he comes to a stop and kisses his daughter’s temple and smiles at Robyn.

“I’m sorry you have to wait outside but Doctor Hopper said—“

“It’s alright, papa,” Alice cuts him off and some of that sunshine that has kept Robyn warm even during the bitterest winter spills into the windowless corridor. “You go ahead and calls us in when she is here.”

Killian kisses her one more time and squeezes Robyn’s shoulder as he walks into the room. As soon as the door is closed behind him, Alice flushes and averts her eyes.

“Yes, I know I was just complaining about being made to wait but it’s not like he can—“

Robyn’s hand finds the back of her neck and her lips cut off the flow of her self-conscious explanation.

“I love you, Miss Jones.”

///

The youngest Miss Jones comes into the world in a tremendously dramatic fashion – a stormy night of swirling greys and dark blue, thunder and lightning and a wind that screams and screams in tandem with Emma. It’s a fact that will be cited over and over again in the years to come, mostly by Granny but certainly by her parents as well when weary enough and certainly by her sister and Ruby with all the pride in the world.

Days later, when Killian is close to throttling the poor man because Emma still can’t get out of bed on her own, Doctor Hopper will tell him that it was a perfectly normal birth – if a bit longer and a fair bit louder.

Hours later, when Alice rushes into the room and demands a proper introduction, Killian will look down at the baby he has only let go of for minutes at a time so Granny can clean her up and Emma can hold her close and introduce Hope Evelyn Jones and it fits just the way Emma wanted it to. They haven’t talked about a middle name and the way Killian looks at Emma as if he knows she will be pleased makes her as happy as hearing him say it. As happy as Alice’s little sigh of pure love and the way she leans over and presses a kiss to Emma’s temple and tells her that she loves her and makes her cry all over again.

Seconds later, when Doctor Hopper tries to hand their baby to Granny to clean her up, Killian will intercept him and take his daughter in his arms with a movement that guarantees nobody but Emma will ever know he worried about how he will hold her only days ago. It’s one of these moments in life that you know you will never be able to recall perfectly. It would be too much, to hold all that emotion inside you for the rest of time. So Emma doesn’t even try, she doesn’t do anything but watch and bask in the love on her husband’s face and the love that overfills every little place inside her when he places their daughter in her arms – pink and squealing and so so warm.

///

The strangest thing is how calm she is in the weeks after, when she can do little more than feed her baby and herself. Doctor Hopper has sworn on everything Killian could think to make him swear on that she shall recover fully and Emma believes him. She believes him because she never once feels cold.

///

“Are you certain, love?”

“She is a bitter old woman, Killian, not an infamous brigand.”

Killian gives her a look that seems to imply that he doesn’t feel like the gulf between the two is wide enough.

“I’m merely suggesting you reply that her visit will be welcome at a later date,” he says but the inflection on the word “welcome” somehow manages to turn it into its exact opposite. Emma smiles at him and lets her hand run through his hair long enough that Killian sighs in obvious defeat and drops his forehead against her shoulder. “I do not see why we shouldn’t have her wait until you have fully recovered—”

“Because I do not want this visit hanging over my head. I’d much rather have it done and over with. And what is more,” she continues quickly when she feels Killian’s lips part against her skin to most likely explain how it needn’t be done at all. “I do not care to perform for Regina’s pleasure.”

Killian is silent for a moment and she lets the silence prove her sincerity. Emma was surprised herself when she received Regina’s card and realized she did want to see her grandmother one more time. She wants to close that door very firmly, lock it and abandon the key somewhere without even bothering to throw it away. What is more, she feels a queer thrill at the thought of welcoming her now, just like this, still recovering and as far from the perfectly staged lady as she can be without outright impropriety.

“Have it your way, my queen,” Killian sighs eventually. “But the second you want her out—”

“I shall show her out myself,” she bends her head and waits for him to look up so she can press her lips against his. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“Always,” he hums and scatters a few kisses over her cheeks and then down her throat – the light, soft kind that he has been giving her for weeks, the kind that she loves with her very soul but also make her skin tingle with an impatient desire for the future.

“I would like you to take the girls away, however. I don’t want her around them.”

Killian breathes out against her collarbone and swipes his thumb over the sharp raise of it before he glances up. “And I do not want to leave you alone.”

Emma huffs a little but decides she could give him that, knows she would like to have him close, just in case, just in case Regina’s presence affects her more than she thinks it will have the power to.

“Alright. You can have Hope, Robyn can take Alice out. Just for an hour. Just—I don’t want her near my daughters.”

His thumb stops, barely pressing into her skin, and Killian looks up at her. Fortunately, by now, Emma has learnt how to meet the steady and deep – bottomless, utterly without end, without corner or condition or caveat – press of Killian’s love. She has become something of an expert at how to welcome it, fold it and hold it and keep it. It feels indulgent and almost blasphemous every time, especially when there is so much happiness and gratitude mixed in with it like now. She takes it gladly.

///

Mrs Lucas bustles up the stairs at a speed that she thought she’d left behind in her years of running after little Miss Alice. She supposes it’s a good thing to check and find that she is still capable of it and the thought of the new miss running through the house before long manages to break a smile on her face even in her current foul mood. But that would be then, this is now and there is nothing but fury propelling Mrs Lucas toward the master bedroom.

When she storms in, Emma looks up at her as if it’s any other day. She is in bed but on top of the covers, a light blanket thrown over her legs and a shawl over her shoulders, her hair is messy, braided only at the very end, the way she does it when she’s had her hands empty for a moment too long. Mrs Lucas feels a rush of fondness coming up her throat so violently she think she is going to belch. It steels her resolve.

“Now, Captain’s saying you know all about this and, what is more, it’s you who talked him into allowing it. But I’ve spent too long around you two and watched you consume too much sugar right before bed to mind too much about what either of you says first time around. So, you tell me now and I’ll take that old wretch by whatever’s left of her hair and drag her out the door myself.”

Emma’s eyes are wide for a second and Mrs Lucas has the strange feeling that now this girl truly knows her. Then the skin around her eyes crinkles and she shakes her head and extends a hand toward her.

Mrs Lucas huffs and keeps away, hands on her hips and her mouth set in a steel line for all of five seconds because this damn house has made her soft as an overkneeded ball of dough. She steps forward and takes Emma’s small hand and bends forward to press her closer against her bosom because no matter how much Emma’s appetite has grown, her hand is still a fragile little thing in Mrs Lucas’s wrinkled palm.

“Let her up,” the silly girl says. “And make that godawful tea you keep at the very back for business meetings Killian wants over as quickly as possible.”

///

After all the fuss, Regina’s presence when she enters the room is rather anti-climatic. Emma hadn’t even considered how the couple of years in which they hadn’t seen each other might have changed her grandmother, and even if she had, she doubts she would’ve imagined this.

Regina’s hair is almost entirely grey now and the rigid and undoubtedly very carefully chosen coiffure cannot quite hide how thin it is in places. Her face is as cold and severe as always and there aren’t that many more wrinkles to tell of the passing of time but it’s her hands that shock Emma. If Regina were truly the evil witch everybody says she is, Emma would think she had cast a spell to gather all of her age in her hands – wrinkled and spotted and claw-like as they clutch her cane. The cane is new, as well, and obviously terribly expensive, black and shiny and looking like a rod for all that is bitter in the world. Emma is glad Regina didn’t have it when she was living under her roof.

“Most women would be out of bed and taking care of their child and household by now.”

Regina’s voice has always been cold but now it sounds like it has turned to icicles in her throat and pains her slightly as she talks. Her opening is the first thing that slots right into place in Emma’s expectations and almost makes her smile sardonically.

“You look well, Regina.” She allows herself this one jab, she does not care to play a game of veiled insults with Regina but this one slips out before she can stop it and, if the look in Regina’s eyes is any indication, it lands right on target. Emma gestures toward the armchair set beside a small table a little way from their bed, not too close.

Regina liked to stand tall and rigid over Emma for most of their life but it seems to cost her too much effort now. Her back stays as straight as possible, her hands spider like and just as restless. This is also new and Emma does not care to observe for too long.

“The child?”

“With her father,” Emma says with a finality that should alert Regina to the likelihood of seeing Hope with her own eyes.

“Your servants could certainly improve on their manners,” she says next and this time Emma does let the corner of her mouth quirk up. “Though I suppose I shouldn’t expect you to run a tight household from your bedchambers.”

“Captain Jones and I find them perfectly suited for us.”

She can see the reply in Regina’s cold and sharp eyes but that is when Granny comes in to bring the tea and display her improvable manners. The look Regina gives her assures Emma that they will be coming back to her household’s shortcomings but she turns in a different direction when the door closes behind the cook.

“Yes, I suppose your husband must be less than concerned with propriety to be taking care of his babe, while his wife lazes around in bed weeks after it is all done.”

Emma has the vague notion that such a comment from Regina should incite things in her but all it does is make her crave the image of Killian with their daughter in his arms, which she is sure to be treated to as soon as Regina leaves.

“Frankly, Emma, I believe you should thank me. I don’t know who else would’ve put up with you.”

She hears the tinge of annoyance, almost desperation, in Regina’s voice and realizes her grandmother is now grasping, scrambling for whatever she came here for. Emma is not certain what it is exactly that she is withholding but she knows full well what it is that Regina doesn’t want to hear.

Well, that’s too bad, isn’t it? Because Regina’s not wrong and for this one thing Emma doesn’t mind admitting it. Emma’s smile is serene and she would think herself benevolent but for the twinkle in her eye that makes Regina’s spider-fingers spasm.

“Thank you, Regina.”

///

She wakes up next to the inferno that is Killian even barefoot and on top of the covers. His left sleeve is rolled up to his elbow, the right one just pushed up, his wedding ring catching the sunlight as he holds his papers in front of him, his glasses hanging precariously on his nose.

Emma pulls herself up and huffs at the way the pages drop to the bed and his hand immediately settles on her arm.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine. Better,” she says pointedly. She is not perfect but she has been better every day, yet every day he fusses just as much as the one before. “Where’s Hope?”

He kisses her sweetly and she pushes his glasses up before they fall on her face, then takes his hand off her arm so she can roll up his right sleeve properly.

“Ruby took her about an hour ago but I’m sure Mrs Lucas has gotten her hands on her by now.”

Emma feels the stretch in her smile at that. When Granny holds their daughter in her arms you can’t tell she can ever be anything but smooth edges and soft places and softer lullabies.

“You should have some breakfast, let me—”

“Can I have it outside?”

Killian’s already on the edge of the bed but he turns back at that – his face a mix of anxious hope and consternation.

“Emma, I don’t think you should be walki—”

“That’s what I have a strong, gallant husband for,” she says and makes sure her smile is enticing and not just plain spoiled as she throws off the blankets and extends her arms in a gesture he has never once been able to refuse.

Killian developed an amazing fascination with carrying her around during her pregnancy, even when there was no need and long after it was probably advisable for his back, the way his face positively melts tells her that their daughter’s birth hasn’t changed anything in that respect.

“That you do, my queen.”

He helps her change into something less prone to blow in the wind than her nightgown and shrugs on his coat directly over his shirt, which Emma decides is definitely a look they should revisit when she can appreciate it properly, and takes her into his arms.

There is nothing quite like being carried in Killian’s arms. It’s not just how safe she is, it’s how precious it makes her feel. The thought never fails to make her blush and she promptly buries that blush in Killian’s neck.

After months of this, they navigate doors and corridors and stairs with barely a thoughts and she is being lower on the swing in the garden before anyone has probably even noticed they’re outside. Killian disappears through the back door of the kitchen, much to her displeasure, because he claims food is more beneficial to her than being able to lie in his lap. Emma disagrees but she is more than willing to have both.

They stay out long enough for her to track the movement of the sun, long enough for Granny to find them and roll her eyes at them in a way that Emma knows means she likes what she sees.

“The little miss is hungry,” she says with all the reluctance of someone who would give anything to not have to let go of the baby in her arms.

Emma grins as Killian wraps his arm around the entirety of her waist and helps her to sit up and lean against him. Confined to bed as she has been, she is more than aware of the tug of war in the house and how anyone who manages to get Hope in their arms will keep her there until they have no other choice. She has seen Ruby folding the bedsheets in their room one-handed and Killian somehow juggling baby, ledger, pen and inkwell with only two spillages as a result.

So, Emma feels rather smug in her privilege. They can hoard her baby all they want, eventually they all have to hand her over to be fed, and as Granny settles Hope in her arms and Emma feels the warm weight and the sweet smell of her, she really can’t begrudge them the hoarding.

However, she can and does begrudge Killian the speed with which he steals their daughter’s attention with barely a finger pressed to her pink little nose.

“Killian, my breasts are bared to the whole world,” she huffs, even though there is no one else around.

“I know,” she doesn’t even need to see the grin on his face. “I’m paying rapt attention, love.”

“You are distracting her.” She tries to be stern but it is so very difficult when she is practically molded to his side and he is making Hope smile her big toothless smile and making the most embarrassingly endearing sounds next to her ear.

“Am I, princess? Am I distracting you? Are you not giving mummy’s luscious breasts the attention they deserve?”

“Killian!” And she is scandalized and indignant, she really is, but she is also laughing so loud her sides ache a little.

///

Killian combs Emma’s hair back and watches his daughter’s blissful face as she feeds. His hand stays, stroking and scratching lightly, running his long fingers carefully through the tangled strands even though no pin has come anywhere near her hair in weeks, maybe months, and he raises his left forearm to Hope’s back, the whisper-soft hairs at the back of her neck brushing against the hard skin at the end of his wrist. He can’t feel that but he feels the way Emma drops her head back, closing her eyes and entrusting them both entirely to his arms and he presses his smile against the crown of her head.

///

Mary Margaret declares herself utterly enamored the second Hope spits on her shoulder. It takes another hour, during which Mrs Nolan wastes no time in adopting the habits of the household and refuses to let anyone else hold the happily gurgling baby in her arms, for her to come up with the idea that nothing will be better than a match between Leo Nolan and Hope Evelyn Jones.

Emma watches Killian and Mary Margaret haggle over the advantages and disadvantages of this only slightly premature plan and cannot help but wonder if Killian is so scandalized because “she was literally just born” or because he didn’t think of the match himself.

///

Emma is just pouring out the cocoa when she hears the door open behind her. She glances over her shoulder, surprised at the sight of Robyn – not at seeing her there but rather at the rumpled state of her, the sweet, almost child-like way she is rubbing her eyes and the braid that’s keeping less strands in place than letting them fly around. Alice and Emma and even Killian, but never Robyn – she cannot remember ever seeing Robyn on the verge of sleep.

“I could hear Granny grumbling all the way down the hall,” the young woman teases and Emma just rolls her eyes.

“Don’t worry. Killian and I have decided that we shall be introducing Hope to hot cocoa as soon as we can. Just wait and see how quickly Granny decides sugar before bed is the most precious idea in the world.” She offers Robyn a cup but the girl just shakes her head – she doesn’t have Alice or Killian’s sweet tooth and she does look like she is just about to lie down and go to sleep on the kitchen floor. She also looks very, very amused and a little impressed.

“You guys are ruthless.”

“Are the rest still awake?”

“Not for the last hour,” Robyn says and Emma laughs and picks up her tray.

“Are you coming?” She asks at the door but Robyn shakes her head and yawns, her impeccable timing making Emma laugh again as she heads into the corridor. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight, Emma. Please direct her upstairs when she wakes.”

Emma smiles as she nears Killian’s study and pushes the door slowly, in no rush to wake Alice or anyone else just yet.

She is less used to seeing them here, in this smaller, darker room that is more Killian than anyone else. That must be why her breath backs up into her throat and the mugs rattle on her tray as she looks at Killian behind his desk. His chair is pushed back, almost all the way to the window, his hair is very dark and the silver streaks in it seem to catch all the moonlight outside, his spectacles reflect the fire at the other end of the room, his left forearm is bare and wrapped securely around one dozing daughter while the smaller one is sleeping soundly in his right elbow, pressed close to his rest. Alice must have been holding the book he was reading but it’s now lying face down in her lap, precariously close to toppling to the ground.

It’s a lot for one chair and Killian looks like he has never been more comfortable in his life. When he dips his chin and looks at her over the tops of his glasses Emma feels his contentment travel down her own spine. She sets the tray on the desk and is just wondering if she can lay down on the settee and go to sleep just staring at them, when Alice grumbles and snorts sharply and jerks a little, book finally falling to the floor. Emma bends to pick it up and snorts, giving her husband a pointed look.

“Aren’t pirate stories a bit on the nose for a naval captain?”

“A good pirate story cannot be resisted,” Killian and Alice say at the same time and Emma sits on the floor with the book because… well, she is a little overwhelmed with how much she loves them is all.

Alice laughs sleepily, stretches and kisses her father’s cheek, then promptly steals the baby in his arms. She ignores Killian’s grumbling completely but stops by Emma to allow her a kiss goodnight.

“We’ll be up in a moment.”

“No, you won’t.” Alice grins before losing interest in them completely and bending her head over Hope as she whisks her away, telling her all about how their parents eat too much sugar and go to bed too late.

Emma shakes her head and looks at Killian.

“We need to be careful or—“ The words die in her throat as she is confronted with the very incriminating scene of Killian with his eyes closed in bliss and his nose buried in one of the mugs she brought. It would be easier to get the sun back in the sky than to stop her gentle laughter.

Killian looks at her and pushes his bottom lip forward, a trace of chocolate smeared on the inside of it.

“What? I have been left cold and bereft.”

“Oh?” Emma raised her eyebrows and takes her laughter down to a simmering smile as she gets to her feet and sways toward him. “Do you need me to warm you?”

If there was ever a double entendre, this should be it and yet. She settles against him with her legs swung over the arm of his chair and her head nestled perfectly innocently in the crook of his neck, feeling the spaces where the girls were and where the cold must have rushed in upon their departure. It gives her more pleasure than straddling his thighs would have – to warm him. So, Emma gratefully takes the second mug Killian offers her and relaxes completely, feeling the lift and fall of her husband’s every breath against her.

“Emma?”

“Hmm?”

She watches him place his mug on the desk and his hand settles on her knee, drawing little circles over it with his ring finger.

“Do you want to get married again?” he asks and continues on when she doesn’t immediately answer. “We can do it properly, invite Mr and Mrs Nolan and Nemo and Belle, the girls will be there and— or it can be just them. Just them and us, in the garden again or anywhere you like. Somewhere by the sea perhaps or—“

She has been surveying his study – the book still on the ground, the baby blanket Granny made for Hope on the settee and the ribbon Alice must have left on the mantle, the island drawing hanging over their heads, the mugs of cocoa on his desk – and now she twists around to kiss him and goes on kissing him and kissing him.

She can hardly remember the last time they kissed like this – long but chase, with nowhere else to go, nothing more to do. It reminds her of the first time she kissed him, she wonders if it reminds him of that night too because his lips keep twitching under hers.

“Do you always smile so much when you kiss a woman, captain?”

He pulls half a breath away from her and keeps smiling.

“It would appear I do.”

“I don’t want another wedding, my heart.”

“No?”

She watches his face carefully but he doesn’t look disappointed, he doesn’t look like he is missing a single thing in the world. She remembers coming into this room minutes ago and knows it’s because he isn’t. She shakes her head.

“No. I never wanted to marry you,” she lets her own lips tick up and takes his hand in hers, their rings clicking together as she leans forward again so her lips brush his as she speaks. “I just wanted to be your wife.”

*******

If you really enjoyed this monster of a fic, I have one of those Ko-fi things. I will also be crying over having finally completed it for the next week so come join me whenever.

Taglist: @unworried-corsair @laschatzi @darkcolinodonorgasm @let-it-raines @resident-of-storybrooke @preciousmarshmallows @idristardis @bmbbcs4evr @captainsjedi @wyntereyez @winterbaby89 @andiirivera @quirkykayleetam @kingofmyheart14 @killianjones4ever82 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @snowbellewells @jackieorioncat @yasbio2015 @emmas-storybook @nikkiemms @postcards-and-postagestamps @lawgeeks @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian @snotelek @mayquita @profdanglaisstuff @courtorderedcake @shireness-says

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themostcleverandwittyname · 6 years ago

Text

Curiosity Saved the Cat

CH1 CH2 CH3 CH4 CH5 CH6 CH7 CH8 CH9 CH10 CH11 CH12 CH13 CH14 CH15 CH16 CH17 CH18 CH19 CH20 CH21 CH22 CH23 CH24 CH25 CH26

(Jumin x MC)(Saeran x MC)

Summary:

MC is fairly happy after Jumin proposes to her, however, her curiosity leads her to contact the hacker that started it all.

Chapter 17: Possible Ownership

Chapter 17 on AO3

This was the fourth day that Myung had been Saeran's assistant and today was the first day that he saw her lower her guard.

He had been so focused on his work that he hasn't spoken to her all morning and after yesterday he didn't really know how to approach talking to her. Why couldn't she just understand that he was helping her? Even after what he had told her yesterday about what that demon had done she didn't seem to appreciate what he has done for her. After her break she came back and didn't say a word to him… not that she usually does.

It wasn't what he had expected and he had even spoken to the Savior about it. His Savior just told him to give her time, that the true light of the Mint Eye will take long for someone so blind to see. But… he wanted her to see how. How could she not see how corrupt the RFA was? How could she still care for them. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but when she said that this would never be her home, his heart sank.

There was one thing that stood out to him from the conversation. It was the last thing she had said to give yesterday besides muttering a goodnight when he let her go to bed. He of course, never went to bed early and seldom got sleep. What she said rang in his head in the silence of her absence.

I want you to understand that it's also not right to trap yourself here.

Why would he ever leave this place? Everyone else would only hurt him, the world would only attack him. Because he was weak and because he needs this place. To her, it may seem like he is trapped here but he has nowhere else to go. No one to rely on.

He silently wondered what else he could do to change her mind about this place, to get her to come to his side and appreciate him. He wanted her to willingly help him ruin the RFA and truly understand the value in the success of bringing down such corruption. He realized that telling her that he had saved her didn't help. It only made her argumentative and defensive. It pushed her to defend her precious RFA even more. Her precious Jumin and “Luciel”. He unconsciously clenched his fists at his thoughts.

It was then he noticed that he hasn't heard a page turn in a while. He looked over to find the girl asleep. She had lowered her guards enough to fall asleep when she was supposed to be learning. She hadn't picked it up nearly as fast as he hoped and she was going at such a painfully slow pace that he wanted to rip his hair out. He wanted to prod her and demand she get back to work but and idea came to mind

He can show her that this place is her home. Yes, he'll be nicer but not so nice that it will make her suspicious. He'll go easier on her, not that he hasn't already. He had been withholding forcing the medicine of salvation on her so that she could properly learn to program without the effects of the medicine weighing her down. He hadn't told his Savior this, but he took it into his own authority. She didn't have to know after all.

She was by far the most privileged believer here because of her position. If she wasn't under him and was as rebellious as she was usually, there’s no telling how much she would be broken. Really, she hadn't faced any of the more harsh conditioning that went on here and he was at fault for that. He just hoped it wouldn't backfire on him. But for now, he didn't care and just studied her sleeping face.

She was peaceful and looked at ease. He had never seen her relaxed like this. As long as she had been here, she had a look of worry and anxiety masked over her features. She had a soft face, he noticed, and wondered what her cheek would feel like under his fingertips. A complex feeling arose in his chest. A longing to protect her. After all, she was his.

Would she feel more comfortable here if she had someone to lead her, to own her? His mind twisted and he found delight in the thought. Once again, he wondered what it would be like for her to rely on him, to care for him and stay with him even when he was at his lowest.

Could he show her his worst? Could she handle his worst? Owning her and having her be with him here forever excited him. She could do whatever he said and he could test her sometimes, do things he's never done with her. But as it stands, she didn't seem fond of him at all. Maybe all she needed was to be coerced. He could initiate it and if she didn't accept him at first, after awhile she would change her mind.

He'll treat her nicely and do subtle things for her. Eventually with enough care, she'll grow to enjoy being around him and like him. Maybe even more?

A perfect plan. He grinned and thought a great way to appeal to her right now. She napped quietly and he decided just what to treat her to. Maybe he wouldn't get in trouble for this considering she hadn't fully gone through the ceremony. She was a special case after all.

He prodded her carefully and she slightly stirred, her brown eyes cracking open under her thick eyelashes. She was very pretty, he could understand why everyone in the RFA loved her so much.

“Get up, we're going to go take a nice break. I think you'll like it.” He urged softly, trying to appeal to her sleepy state. She pulled herself up and grumbled something that he didn't quite catch before yawning. She pulled a few strands of her hair out of her face and he urged her to her feet

She staggered as he pulled her to the door, still drowsy from her nap. He grabbed her hand and led her towards the stairwell next to the office. He was careful not to rush down the steps too fast, he didn't want her to trip.

“Where are we going? Aren't you too busy for breaks?” She asked, seemed to have shaken off a bit of that sleepiness. He looked back to see that her eyes had grown bright and curious. Rounding the bend in the stairs, sunlight could be seen through the windows on the lower level of the building.

“You'll see. It's a surprise and as far as my work goes, putting it off for an hour won't hurt.” His voice attempted to be soft and his smile tried to communicate his excitement but the girl didn't seem to buy it. She gave a “mhm” but didn't jerk her arm away or argue. He wondered if her curiosity of where they were going outweighed her evident mistrust of him. She'll trust me in time .

When they reached the first floor, there was a locked exit door. He observed as her eyes grew wide as he unlocked the metal double doors with his phone. He hoped that the thought of escaping hadn't crossed her mind, he would want to have to lose his progress with her after threatening her again.

Letting go of her hand, he opened the doors and called someone on his phone ordering that lunch be brought to them. The sunlight was painfully bright and Saeran winced as his eyes got used to the sunlight.

Admittedly, he had only came out of the building a few times since being here. He had heard that there was a garden in the back of the building but he had never been. He had no reason to and it never piqued his interest. Today, he still wouldn't go to the garden but rather to a small clearing right next to the building. All around, there was nothing but woods and mountains.

Myung stood outside the door and watched as Saeran took his jacket off and placed it on the grass. He sat beside the jacket and motioned for her to sit down, a satisfied smile crossed his lips. She stayed standing and gave him a questioning look, her eyebrows raised. A silent question asking what this was and why.

“I thought you might enjoy the sunlight. So we're both having lunch out here. A picnic, some people call it.” He announced. Myung glanced at the edge of the woods seemingly contemplating running off. He watched as her gaze drifted back to him, relieved that she hadn't made a run for the trees.

He let out a breath he had been holding as he watched her come to where he was sitting and fall to her knees beside his jacket he laid out for her. She didn't take his offering to sit on the jacket but caught him off guard when she fell face first into the grass. She balled her fist around a few tufts of the green stands and ripped them from the ground. Without looking up she tossed a handful of grass a few feet in front of her.

The brunette laid like that and with each second Saeran felt himself getting weirded out. What was she doing? Should he be worried? He had never seen anyone do this and he didn't know what to do. Was she sleeping?

He leaned over and prodded her in the side with his finger. She slowly turned her head to the side to glare at him.

“What?” She grumbled, her eyes narrowed. He retracted his hand and gave her a nervous smile.

“Are you okay?” was all he managed before she sat up abruptly. He leaned back in surprise, was she going to smack him?

“Am I okay? Am I okay ?!” she burst, her voice raised and irritated. She grabbed his jacket from the ground and balled it up in on her fists before pressing to her face. She hunched over and shrieked into it, the thick leather muffling the sound. Saeran leaned back to her away from her. He was kinda scared and didn't dare touch her. He had no idea what to do. No idea.

After a long and rage filled scream was finished, she threw the jacket on the ground and rose to her feet. She stomped towards the doors. He wanted to yell out to her and demand she come back, but he didn't want her to lose her mind on him. He was completely shocked and realized that his face showed it. As the doors slammed shut, Saeran began to grow angry.

How dare she. He broke the rules to bring her out here and was going to spend an hour away from his work to spend with her and she just freaked out on him. Why couldn't she let him be nice to hear, why wouldn't she let him convince her? He realized that he was now sitting in the grass alone like an idiot.

Saeran rose to his feet and in a small fit of anger, kicked up a few clumps of grass. He knew this wouldn't help him in any way, so after a few clumps of grass were thoroughly slaughtered, the upset man grabbed his jacket and headed back indoors.

Trying to make her accept him in the way he wants would be harder than he thought.

The cold metal barrel was pressed painfully to the red head’s temple. He gave a nervous laugh hoping to be able to talk his way out of this one. The frustrated agent proved to him how critical the situation was.

“Twelve hours. Twelve hours until the project is due. I will drag your ass out of here so quick if you're even a second late. I don't want to have to do that, Agent 707.” The beyond enraged agent growled. Seven tried not to wince when the man prodded him with the gun again.

He had divided his work the best he could between trying to find Myung and his current project. A few days ago when V gave him the exact coordinates to where she was with no explanation, only minutes later did his supervising agent show up with a second heavy project. The agent had not left his house since and hovered over him the entire time. The only time the agent left was to go have a smoke outside.

For days the knowledge of where Myung was had pried at his brain and drove him on. She was at the same place that he found Elizabeth and had traced activity to before. The same place that he had found Saeran...no, the hacker . He prayed that she was okay and wasn't being mistreated too bad. From what little information he had gathered before he found that the organization was a place of some occult religion. He didn't find much more than that. He wondered how V knew the coordinates but he didn't have time to question it too much. And he was still resentful of V for allowing his brother to be…

No, he shouldn't think about that right now. He was going to work until “Mrs. Vanderwood” left to go smoke a cigarette. Last time the agent took a break, the redhead snuck together a backpack of supplies, weapons, and tools and left it next to his special baby. The car was not only built for luxury but was armored and had bulletproof glass. He desperately hoped he didn't need to take advantage of the modifications, but he was going to drive it just in case.

Myung had been gone for nine days and he had only collectively three days of research and preparation slipped in between his pressing work from the agency. Life threatening work. What he had managed was to avoid having the RFA messenger shut down a few times from the hacker and he managed to hack only a tiny bit into the hacker's personal database. All he managed to find was names of previous RFA party guests along with contact info that was deemed confidential. Even that was difficult because the whole time the hacker had been fighting him back. Today, however, there was a gap around noon that had no activity at all.

The messenger, though It still kept its integrity because of his work, had never been more silent. No one knew what to say. Everyone had already called him to vent their concerns and yell at him for not protecting her better. They were all right about him. Jumin was to first to detach from the messenger and the only one who had any clue how he was right now was Seven. Jumin called him every day and weakly asked if he had found anything else. The man had done everything in his power to try to find his fiance. He didn't show up to work and hasn't left his house. It was all Seven’s fault.

Seven closed his eyes after ignoring what the agent was saying and warily glanced over his shoulder to see the defeated agent head towards the door with a lighter and pack of cigarettes in hand.

It was now or never. The redhead jumped up and grabbed his most important flash drives and headed for the garage. He grabbed the backpack from beside the tire of his vehicle and leapt into the driver seat. The garage door couldn't have been slower.

With the wheels spinning, the car sped out of the garage. An angry shout was faintly heard from the front gate. As Seven hit the main road, two gunshots had been fired and only one familiar ping of bullet on metal was heard. He let go a huff of air and gunned it down the dark road.

The moon was high in the night sky and allowed the man to try and come up with a plan. So far his plan was:

#1. Disable the security system at the building after creeping up to the spot on the mountain and at the halfway point that the hacker used to change vehicles, disable the checkpoint in any way necessary.

#2. Find Myung's exact location and get her.

#3. Take her back safely.

#4. Beg to have the agency take mercy on him and give him more time

or...

... delete all of his ties to the RFA and move locations to avoid getting killed.

This is what was going to happen and more likely than not, he would have to disappear as soon as he got Myung back safe. Even if the agency had enough room to be flexible with him, the hacker would probably cut all of his ties with the RFA. They would all be better off without him. They would be safe and he would never have to worry about hurting them again.

It wasn't an easy choice...but it was the least he could do for them. It was the least he could do for Myung. Leaving would be the only right thing he could do after getting her into this mess.

He just hoped that he would be able to forget her soon after. He didn't want to hold onto those feelings that he had for her knowing it was impossible.

He could never allow himself to be around her more than necessary to save her. He knew deep down that if she tried to latch onto him, he might end doing something stupid.

He prayed that when he shows up to save her, she'll hate him for getting her into this mess.

CH1 CH2 CH3 CH4 CH5 CH6 CH7 CH8 CH9 CH10 CH11 CH12 CH13 CH14 CH15 CH16 CH17 CH18 CH19 CH20 CH21 CH22 CH23 CH24 CH25 CH26

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger fanfiction #mm jumin #jumin han #jumin fanfic #jumin route #jumin x mc #saeran choi #mm saeran #saeran fanfic #saeran x mc #curiosity saved the cat #my work

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pcyheartgirlx · 7 years ago

Text

In The Bleak Midwinter [CH21]

Genre ;; Angst/Smut/Fluff/Romance

Pairing ;; Chanyeol x Reader x Seokjin

Word Count ;; 8.9k

Summary ;; We’re all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves.

You own a multi-billion dollar company, servicing the biggest names in kpop, in more ways than one. Under the name “Starlight Catering”, you, your best friends, Damon and Maya, and your hundreds of workers provide stress relief for idols.

You have partially retired, not because you didn’t want to, but because Chanyeol was your muse. He was all that you had time for and all you needed. Until Jin came along.

So what happens when you mix fire and ice?

You get smoke and all the lines are blurred.

A/N ;; Chapter 21~~~ its here!!~~~~

[PLAYLIST] [BACKSTORY] [PROLOGUE] [CH1] [CH2] [CH3] [CH4] [CH5] [CH6] [CH7] [CH8] [CH9] [CH10] [CH11] [CH12] [CH13] [CH14] [CH15] [CH16] [CH17] [CH18] [CH19] [CH20] [CH21]

You still couldn’t get over where exactly you were going. The both of you walked in silence as you approached the car, stuffing the last of your bags in the backseat before you handed him the keys. Jin got into the driver’s seat and adjusted himself nervously.

“Why are we going to see Chanyeol?” you said bluntly as you put your seatbelt on. When Jin turned the car on, he sighed and scratched the back of his head nervously. He fumbled putting the keys in the ignition and you noticed his jaw clenching. You weren’t sure if it was nervousness or frustration that plagued his mind. Either way, it bothered you to see him look so stressed. Not even work stressed him this much. Things started piecing together now.

“This is what happened. Damon was getting emotional about not being able to say goodbye to Sehun. Maya was doing her best to comfort him but he still looked--”

“Devastated I bet,” you interrupted while Jin backed out of the parking space, slouching back in your seat as you let the thought play in your mind. “Sehun means a lot to Damon.”

“I can tell,” Jin shot you a quick glance before he drove out of the parking lot. “Long story short, I proposed the idea that Damon see Sehun before he left--”

“This was your idea?!” you shrieked as you shot back out of your seat in panic. Jin shook his head and gripped the wheel.

“Maya,” he emphasized before he continued. “Asked if it was okay if we could drop Damon off. It had occurred to me that I didn’t have the keys to the cabin. So the plan was for them to let me swing by my dorm so I could get the keys. Then they would drop me off back here...I mean they told me you should drop me back off at my dorm before you stopped at the EXO dorm but…”

“But what?” you asked in confusion as you started to match his frustration. Jin sighed heavily and started to grip the steering wheel. Biting his lip and shifting as if he was trying to find the words to say.

“I want to spend every second with you before you go. From the moment you drive off I want to make sure you’re okay...and that you’re...alive…” Jin swallowed hard with his last words. His knuckled started to turn white and the speed of the car started to increase slightly. You put your hand on his thigh at an attempt to calm his nerves.

“Jin...there’s a reason I’ve said that falling in love with me is a mistake. I’ve said it to you and Chanyeol,” Even though the tenseness in his body eased at your touch, his face remained the same, absorbing everything you were saying as he looked at the road in front of him. “This isn’t a life I want you in. You’re too precious for that because you deserve all the good things in the world. Nothing but bad things follow me. Everywhere I go...so I have to run.”

“One day, you’re going to have to face it, (Y/N). You can’t live life just running away from it. Nothing happens when you run. You just exhaust yourself,” Jin debated. He was right to some extent. But you were used to exhaustion. Your whole life was exhausting. From the moment you found out about your family’s business. It was always holding secrets in, pretending to be okay, watching death before your very eyes. You turned the faucet on, hoping to get clarity through the water; washing away all the dirty blood, the pain your family had caused and the poison you moved on the street. But no matter how many times you turned the faucet, the only thing that poured out was more blood. It took you years to figure out something you tried to deny. It followed you everywhere. That’s when you realized, you can’t wash blood with more blood.

“One day...but I have too much to lose right now. What I really want to know is,” you shifted so you were facing him, even though he couldn’t take his eyes off the traffic in front of him you wanted to watch his face while he talked. “Where did “You need to say goodbye to Chanyeol” come from?” Jin started chewing on the inside of his cheek and you brought you hand up to his cheek, brushing it slightly with the back of your fingers so he would stop.

“Well...I thought about it...not being there before you left and finding all this out through a phone call. Watching Damon, a guy that I pictured to be hard as nails, becoming completely broken over not being able to be in Sehun’s arms one more time…” The light turned red and he took full advantage of it. He turned to you, ripping his hands from the steering wheel so he could hold yours for a second. “I realized that if I was in Chanyeol’s shoes and I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye to you under the circumstances...I would be just as broken as Damon...and I know part of you will be if you don’t.” You were completely focused on him, studying the way he spoke and the sincerity in his words. The nerves in your body caused you to twiddle your fingers against his and look down at both of your hands, trying to find the courage to speak up.

“What makes you say that?” you questioned. Jin just inhaled, kissing your fingers lightly before he let you go and placed his hands back on the wheel as the light turned green.

“You spent 2 and half years with him. Granted, I know there are things he should be doing for you that I know he doesn’t. But no matter what I do, I can’t erase that time or your emotions...I’ve learned to accept that.” His hand traveled and lingered on your thigh as he drove off. A smile played widely on his face. “But I know I can do better for you, jagiya. I don’t want you to worry about that right now. Let’s just focus on keeping you safe.” The silence that lingered weighed on you a bit. You didn’t know what to say honestly. There was a lot of truth in something he said. Right now, you had to focus on keeping yourself safe so you can keep them safe. And how you were going to assure Chanyeol that you would be fine. The distance already growing between you was just going to get longer. Maybe this was a good thing. Things can settle down quietly with ease for both men. It’s finally done...It had to be done.

“Right here, jagi?” Jin asked breaking you out of your thoughts as he slowed down in front of the dorms.

“Yea...let me call him,” you sighed as you pulled your phone out. “Should I tell him you’re with me?” Clutching your phone in your hand as you tapped it on your chin. Jin sucked his teeth and slouched in his seat.

“Aish, (Y/N). You’re going to see him right in front of me?” he whined as he rolled his head toward you. “I brought you here, can’t you go in his hallway?”

“Jin! I wasn’t going to have him come out here and shake your hand, relax but if he asks me how I got here…”

“Just tell him, you’re not a liar. If he wants to argue, he can do so on his own. I’m not in the mood today,” As he said this, you exhaled heavily and looked at your phone. Hopefully you had worn him out earlier so that he wouldn’t be in a confrontational mood. You put a free hand on his thigh and squeezed it lightly as you brought the phone up to your ear.

“Let’s go in the garage, 5th floor,” you said as the phone rang in your ear. “I don’t want to be sitting here like this.” Jin nodded while he turned into the garage next to the building. The more Chanyeol’s phone rang, the more your anxiety started to expand in your core.

“He’s not picking up,” you said biting your lip as you hung up on his voicemail. Jin continued to drive on the 3rd ramp of the garage and shrugged.

“I’m sure everything’s fine, baby girl. Just...call him again.”

The second time you rang him, Jin was approaching the door to his hallway when Chanyeol picked up.

“Yo--ah-yoboseyo?” Chanyeol rasped deeply, the sound of his voice when he just wakes up was intoxicating. Dark and elegant like the espresso.

“Chanyeol, I’m sorry I know you’re sleeping but...I need you to come outside real quick.” You glanced over at Jin and studied him as he cocked his head to the side. His gaze was fixated before him, as if he was trying to imagine a different setting, tuning you out so he didn’t have to hear you talk to the other man. Chanyeol groaned in your ear as you heard him stretch and exhale.

“I heard Damon and Maya here earlier,” he whispered. “I actually hear them now. Should I tell them to come out too?”

“No,” you undid you seatbelt and opened the car door, stepping out so Jin wasn’t forced to hear you speak to him.. “Just come to the door by your garage. And please hurry.”

“Just come inside, princess. We can take a nap together and your friends can take you home. You need to be with people that care about you right now. The cab ride from the morgue must have killed you…”

“Uh...I didn’t take a cab, Yeollie.”

“Oh! You drove?”

“Chanyeol…” you sighed as you looked through the window of the car door, studying Jin’s unbroken stare. “Just come out here...please.”

“O-Okay...is everything alright (Y/N)? You sound...I don’t know, shaken.”

“I’ll be waiting here. Okay baby?” you swallowed hard before you hung up. Walking back to your car, you opened the car door again and threw your cell phone on the seat. “You going to stay in here?” Jin shook himself out of his gaze to give you his attention. He bit his lip as he thought about the answer to your question.

“No,” he hoisted himself out of the car and walked over to you, leaning on the car next to you. “I’m going to stand right here.”

“Jin, you’re instigating,” you pointed out as you stood in front of him, crossing your arms on your chest as you watched his smugness.

“I’m not going to say a word, jagi. But I’m also not going to sit here like a fool and let him think I brought you here because of any other reason beside that. I am a decent human being...and he should be threatened,” Jin mirrored your stance and crossed his arms, pursing his lips at you and giving you an unsatisfactory look. You sighed and looked behind you, hoping Chanyeol wasn’t over your shoulder before you did what you were about to do.

“You know I love you, Seokjin,” you assured him as you kissed him lightly, risking a lot just by doing this. “But I don’t want Chanyeol to be fired up before I tell him this. I don’t think he’s going to take it well.” You took a few steps back and rubbed your arm. The sound of the door behind you opened made you turn swiftly and the look on Chanyeol’s face sparked and ignited an anxiety that you were trying to suppress.

“Chanyeol--”

“Is this a fucking joke, (Y/N)?” Chanyeol spat at you as his hands balled into a fist. He started to stomp toward you, you could hear Jin shift to his feet, taking a step closer to you as if in defense mode.

“Chanyeol, she has something important to say to you,” Jin shot back at him.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m not talking to you,” Chanyeol was quick to shoot him down as he stood right in front of you. He looked down at you and his lip started to curl.

“Let’s make this quick, jagi. I don’t want to start regretting bringing you here,” Jin barked at you as he eyed Chanyeol. The taller man’s face contorted at you and he put his hands on his hips.

“He brought you here? What’s going on?”

You looked over at Jin and shook your head disapprovingly. Jin just sighed and ran his fingers through his hair with frustration. As you turned back to Chanyeol, you put your hands on his shoulders and he tensed at your touch, breaking your heart slowly.

“Ronnie...he was murdered,” you said shakily. Chanyeol’s face started to soften as he watched you start to break down. He glanced at Jin before he cupped your face in his hands and pushed your face up towards his.

“Baby...don’t tell me...” Chanyeol’s voice started to crack. You didn’t need to explain him what was next. It was as if he knew. Unlike Jin, you had time to prepare Chanyeol for the instant this happened. You spent hours upon hours humoring his “what if”s and crazy hypotheticals. As much as you assured him this wouldn’t happen, it did. His touch was trembling and when his thumb brushed up against your cheek, you could feel the desperation behind his contact.

“It was him, Chanyeol...Dominic...he’s here.”

“No…” Chanyeol’s hands traveled to your shoulders, gripping them as his head hung low. “No. No. No. No. No. No. This isn’t happening--”

“I have to hide out for a bit--”

“Princess no please…” Chanyeol started to shake visibly, bring you close to him suddenly. You heard him sniffle into your hair as he held you tight. “Stay with me, here. I’ll protect you, I promised you I would always protect you. Let me keep that promise, baby. Remember we talked about this? I--”

“Sweetheart,” you muffled into his chest, knowing the next words that would come out of your mouth would absolutely break him. “I can’t stay. And you’re not safe either. I’ve called in some favors and there will be someone outside your dorm at all--”

“(Y/N),” he stuttered as tears started to flow down his face. He looked over at Jin and wiped his face. “You’re just going to let her do this? You’re okay with the thought of her being alone somewhere?” Jin narrowed his gaze at the taller man.

“I trust her...I know she knows what she’s doing,” Jin sneered. Chanyeol rolled his eyes and let his arms drop dramatically at his sides.

“For fuck’s sake,” Chanyeol ran a hand through his hair, watching you as you shrunk in your awkward posture. “Where are you staying? I want to go see you.”

“Actually,” you took a step to the side and looked at both of them. “I don’t think either of you should come see me…”

“You’re out of your fucking mind,” Jin laughed sarcastically.

“I’m going to have to agree with Suckjin here,” Chanyeol chimed right after, recieving a glare from Jin. You could tell it was taking everything in him not to blow up. It was apparent in the vein that was about to pop right out of his neck.

“I don’t want anyone following you or worse if they see you alone…” your voice trailed off and the realization of your words started to sink in for both of them.

“How long?” Chanyeol whispered as he looked at you in defeat.

“I’m not sure.”

“Honestly, jagi. Why can’t we call the police? I’m sure they’ll want to do something about the mafia trying to kill people!” Jin added frustrate. The anger he held back from Chanyeol was laced into this proclamation. But Chanyeol beat you to punch. He scoffed at him and walked closer to you.

“Do you hear yourself? The mafia. Dominic has the money and the means to buy off any cop he wants. And even if they don’t comply to him, he’s not afraid of the fucking cops,” Chanyeol put a hand on your shoulder and all you could do was look at him with fear. Everything he said was true, it was like your own words were coming out of his mouth. And you were thankful for it. Because these were the things you didn’t want to say. Once they’re said, they become real...and they were so fucking real right now.

“Jagiya, he’s exaggerating.”

“Again with the fuckin jagiya,” Chanyeol grumbled. You shot him a disapproving look and tsked at him.

“He’s not, Jin. Dominic...he has no remorse. That’s how my dad raised us…” Jin wasn’t buying it though. He shook his head and grabbed you by the wrist.

“Hey what the fuc--” Chanyeol was cut off by Jin who was dragging you toward the car.

“I refuse to sit here and just run away,” Jin spat as he opened the door. Just as you were about to snatch your wrist away, Chanyeol pulled you away from him forcefully and crashed into his chest.

“Don’t you get it, Seokjin? It’s not running away,” He growled at him. Jin just walked over to you both with fury in his eyes. You pulled away from Chanyeol and stood in between them, putting your arm out to stop Jin from getting closer to Chanyeol. “She needs to formulate a plan. But she can’t do it here with a target on her back. Your precious jagi, is doing this for us,” Chanyeol scrunched his nose up at him and scoffed. “So much for trusting her.”

“Hey hey hey!” Suddenly, Damon’s voice filled your ears and as you turned to the direction of the door, you saw Maya, Damon and Sehun making their way toward the three of you.

“Hyung! Hyung!” Sehun cried as he went over to Chanyeol, pulling him back by the shoulder as he leaned up against your arm. “Relax, relax. Now isn’t the time for this, hyung. Come on.” Maya and Damon rushed to you shortly after.

“I knew this was a bad idea,” Maya spat at Jin who was backing away slowly. The look of shame and guilt washed over him as his back hit the car.

“This was his idea?!” Chanyeol snarled behind Sehun. You shook your head and walked over to Jin, taking him in your arms as you looked at everyone.

“Guys, stop,” you begged as you felt him tense in your arms. “This is still new for him. And he’s trying, okay? Ease up on him, he’s just trying to help.” There was a silence and all you could do was lean your head against Jin’s chest as your arms wrapped around his waist. His arm rested on your shoulder and when you looked up at him, you could tell he was shocked and flustered. But you could also feel Chanyeol’s eyes boring into you with intense anger. You could hear his teeth grinding from where you stood. Still, Jin’s body felt sweet and softening. You wanted to stay there forever...you just wish Chanyeol could join you instead of glare at you. How sick is that?

“Alright,” Sehun croaked, trying to break the silence. “I think...this is a good place to wrap this up.” You saw him glance at Damon quickly as his lip quivered slightly. Chanyeol just looked away from you, not wanting to watch you hold him anymore. Because of that, you pulled away, nodding at Sehun’s statement as you looked over at Damon and Maya.

“We gotta get out of here.”

Damon sighed and made his way over to Sehun, taking him in a long embrace. Sehun buried his head into the side of Damon’s head. Although he whispered, you could hear the words he said to him.

“You’re always going to be on my mind, Damon. I love you.”

Damon tensed and you just smiled to yourself. Maybe Damon would be the one who gets the guy. You didn’t see why he shouldn’t. When this blows over, if it ever does, that was your mission. To make sure Damon ends up with his soulmate.

“(Y/N),” Chanyeol’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. His head was cocked to the side as he motioned for you to come to him. “Can I talk to you alone?” You looked over at Jin, who was rolling his tongue along the inside of his cheek. He looked at you from the side and cocked your eyebrow at Chanyeol’s direction, as if signalling you to go with the taller man. You nodded at Chanyeol and followed him, leaving Jin with Maya and Sehun with Damon. Chanyeol took your hand and guided you deeper into the parking lot, following a familiar path you had taken earlier.

“Come here,” He said breathlessly as you reached the front of his car, which was facing away from the group. You crashed into his arms again, letting his arms wrap around you in a tight embrace. You felt his body convulse against you and as you looked up, the tears that fell down his chin landed on your cheek.

“Baby shhhh, it’s okay,” your voice was soft, consoling him as he sobbed quietly. This isn’t the way you wanted to say goodbye. If only you could tell him. Tell him that this was the last time you were going to hold him this way. As you brought your hand up to his cheek to wipe his tears, you wanted to tell him this was the last time you were going to catch his tears, despite having the longing feeling of wanting to catch every tear that ever escaped his sparkling dark eyes.

“I’m s-sorry,” he choked in between sobs, burrowing his face into your hand that cupped his cheek. “This isn’t how I want you t-to see me. I’m just so scared for you.” You felt the stinging in your eyes as you watched him break down in front of you. You pushed yourself onto your tippy toes so you could kiss the tear stained skin.

“I’m going to be fine. I’ll have Maya get us some burner phones, so I can call you every now and then. You know it’s going to be hard,” you started to choke on your own words as well, a single tear ripped from your eyes as you got lost in his.

“I know, baby. I know. But we’re going to get through this, right? Don’t forget, I have something planned for us. That’s not going to change,” he brushed his lips against yours softly, lingering there for a minute. It was that moment. That was the moment to tell him. So he could forget that future he planned before he became too engrossed in the idea. But you were falling head first into his loving gaze and his tear stained face deterred you from the idea. He was already hurting so much…

“Nothing is going to change,” you lied. And it took everything in you to say that. The corner of Chanyeol’s mouth turned upward slightly into a faint smile. That small grin eased you. You were true to your word. You’d do anything to see him smile. Even lie.

“Do you love me?” he whispered as he cupped your face. You smiled and placed your hands over his.

“With all my heart,” you breathed as his lips brushed against yours delicately.

“Will you wait for me?” One more lie, you said to yourself. One more lie, so you can see just one more smile. Just one more.

“Until the end of time.”

This time, his lips crashed against yours, working feverishly as they overlapped yours with every kiss. It wasn’t full of lust that usually constituted this kind of starving kiss. It was desperation. The longing of wanting this to last forever was reciprocated on both sides. Anytime you felt like you were going to pull away, Chanyeol’s lips trapped you into him. You clung on to more than just his lips and the hands that cupped your face. You clung onto his soul, his aura and the entity that was Chanyeol. This was your last kiss and you made it count, every second. Every brush of your tongues, every sweet exchange of soft moans that escaped your lips.

But all great things come to an end. And as Chanyeol pulled away from you, you almost felt like a piece of you own soul was being ripped away from you. You studied his pink swollen lips and the way his eyes glossed when they met yours. His tongue pressed in between the pink skin before his deep enthralling voice broke you out of your trance.

“You should probably get going...”

You nodded and hugged him one last time.

“I’m going to miss you so much, my Yeollie,” you whispered into his chest. He just smirked as he squeezed you lightly.

“I’m going to miss you more, princess,” he said as he buried his face into your hair. The both of you pulled away, taking your hand in his as you walked away from his car and back to the group that waited for you previously.

“You ready to leave?” Maya said as she watched you approach them. She was leaning on the car next to Jin who couldn’t get his eyes off your hand in Chanyeol’s. Sehun and Damon held each other, clinging onto each other for dear life. You just nodded and freed your hand from Chanyeol. You looked up at him and sighed.

“I have to say bye to Jin now,” you admitted. Chanyeol sighed and pursed his lips together, nodding slightly at your words.

“Take him by my car,” his words made you raise your eyebrow at him. He just shook his head. “If anything happens, I’ll know where you are.” You nodded and looked over at Jin who was staring at the floor, crossing his arms as Maya talked his ear off.

“Tesoro,” you called out to him, receiving a small glare from Chanyeol.

“Tesoro?” he echoed. You just elbowed him as Jin walked over to you.

“Let’s talk in private real quick.” Jin glanced at you and then at Chanyeol hesitantly before he nodded. The both of them exchanging rage filled glances before you walked away with Jin.

You needed to make this count. The cabin was just temporary. You were only going to stay there until you and Damon found somewhere else to hide out. This had to be your final goodbye to both of them. As you neared Chanyeol’s car with Jin trailing behind you silently, you realized that there wasn’t enough time in the world to say goodbye. You barely spent any time with Jin. You wanted more. When you thought of going back to the cabin, you envisioned running through the woods trailing behind Jin. Chasing after him as he took you to the pond he had mentioned to you before. Not to hide out from your brother. Not without Jin.

“(Y/N)...you’re going to be fine, right? He’s not gonna find you out there, is he?” Jin snapped you out of your thoughts. You didn’t even realize you had reached the car and you were now facing him. You looked up at him emotionless.

“Huh?” That were the only words you were able to utter. Truthfully though, you weren’t paying too much attention.

“I’m just saying that maybe you should have someone stay with you. Besides Damon.”

“That person would have been Ronnie,” you muttered silently. Jin just sighed and put his hands on your biceps,

“Hey,” he breathed trying to get your attention. When your eyes met, his lips parted slightly and he gave you the softest look possible. “We’re too much alike, sweetheart. I know what you’re doing. you're being really strong for everyone, (Y/N). I don’t know and I can’t imagine the severity of how this is hitting you but...,” Jin’s hand started to pull you slowly closer to him. It felt like he was a magnet drawing you in. “But I want to make sure you’re going to be okay. I don’t want anything to happen to you. So all fronts put aside, are you positive he will not find you?”

“I don’t know how to answer that,” Jin’s hands were gripping desperately at your biceps as he held you inches away from him. You couldn’t feel anything but the anxiety that began to devour him. “But it will buy me some time for sure. I just need to get in contact with my lawyer.”

“Maya’s uncle,” Jin added. You looked at him and raised your eyebrows.

“Yea...you remembered,” He grinned at your statement but the look of dread still painted his face. “Everything is going to be fine. I just need to work on my offense. My defense isn’t looking too bad. I’ve got some time for that...depending…”

“Depending on what? You make this sound like a game and it’s not, (Y/N). This is your life you’re playing with--”

“But this is what it is to him, Jin. Life is a game and there are winners and there are losers. And you know what you do to losers, Jin? You get rid of them. We’re primal fucking beings and--”

“Jagi, I get it. Shhh,” Jin cooed at you trying to calm you down as you spoke but you just kept going. It was like you couldn’t stop. Suddenly, you were a teenager again and your father’s words were spilling out of your mouth. Everything hit you at once and it kicked open the door that you kept all these memories locked away. Jin’s face dropped slightly as you continued.

“--primal being kill to survive.”

“(Y/N) stop.”

“I gotta fucking eat. I have to make sure my family eats. I’m superior to that loser because I was born a winner--”

The words halted at the back of your throat and as Jin’s lips crashed against yours, you could feel your muscles easing and you were back. This was your reality. And the way you fell into his chest as your lips moved against his gave you some sanity. When he pulled away, you hesitated opening your eyes. How were you going to face him after that little episode?

“Jagiya, you know I understand more than anyone about holding in your emotions,” Jin licked his lips after he spoke, sighing lightly as he still tasted you on his tongue. “But under the immense stress this is causing you...are you sure you should be alone?”

“I’m going to be with Damon!”

“But Damon doesn’t hold you like this,” Jin whispered as he wrapped his arms around you, bringing his hand behind your head as he pressed you against him. “Damon doesn’t kiss you like this,” He began to kiss your cheek, peppering his way to your lips.

“Jin…”

“I’m going to miss you. I’m going to worry about you.”

“I know....” You looked at his lips and then back into his eyes. “I miss you already…You know...we didn’t have much time together but every second I was with you made me extremely happy. Thank you for that.”

“Jagi, you’re talking like you’re leaving me forever,” Jin giggled, cupping your face in his hand. “When you see me again, I’m going to make sure to take your breath away.”

But I am leaving you forever.

You couldn’t let this thought infect your mind. The look in Jin’s eyes was crippling, you could see how incredibly broken he was and the light that gleamed in his iris was dull. But he kept smiling, kept loving you tenderly and stayed positive. Jin was a blessing, a true blessing. Somehow, it started to become easy at the thought of leaving him. He deserved someone with a heart of gold with all the love in the world to give. Someone who he can be proud to bring home to his parents, someone who knows how to be just as delicate and angelic as he was.

“I need to get going, tesoro mio. Before it gets dark…”

“You hate driving in the dark,” Jin laughed breathlessly and you mirrored the same reaction. “Let’s go, babygirl.”

“Wait!” You grabbed at him and spun him around, wraping your arms around his shoulders as your lips collided with his with a longing force. The kiss was still and unmoving. You lingered there for a moment but the message was clear. It was at that moment you both wanted time to freeze.

“I love you,” you whispered softly as you pulled away. Jin smiled and you felt his hands on your waist.

“I love you too,” he replied with the same softness, kissing your cheek before he took your hand. “Don’t make this harder for me,” Jin dragged you to the direction of the group, looking back at you and grinning before you got there.

“Finally,” Chanyeol growled as the two of you appeared. Sehun hushed the taller man by shooting him a disapproving look as he held Damon in his arms.

“Right then,” Maya interjected as she walked over to you too. “Come now, Seokjin. I’ll give you a ride to your dorm before I move the hunnies.”

“Don’t forget to--”

“Call you and let you know where they all are? I got you covered, (Y/N). Don’t worry. I’ll keep them safe,” Maya assured you. She cocked her head to the side, signalling Jin to follow her. He looked at you and grinned.

“Remember what I said.”

“Of course, tesoro.”

He looked over at Chanyeol, who was seething at the sight of Jin openly flirting in front of him. Jin fueled the fire by giving you a kiss on the cheek and winking at he walked away.

“Soon, jagi. I’ll see you soon.”

You nodded and smiled as he disappeared into the parking lot trailing behind Maya. You knew he would be safe with her. She was taught by the best men and women in Birmingham how to hold her own in any kind of fight. You were glad to have her. She and Damon were all you had.

“I promise I’ll try to be back before our anniversary,” you heard Damon whisper to Sehun. It wasn’t just hearing him that brought you back to this reality. It was also the way Chanyeol turned you around to face him. You were so in and out of what was going on around you, you smiled widely at him even though he looked pained and frustrated.

“Please. Be careful,” his voice was clearly shaken and his lips brushed against your forehead before he spoke again. “I trust you baby. I do. I’m just so scared.”

Chanyeol always told you what was on his mind. He made you very aware of his feelings without any hesitation. Jin was the opposite. He showed you what he thought would benefit you. The rest was locked away. He had no time to be weak, no time to cry. His mission was to uplift those around him. While Chanyeol protected them.

“I promise. I’m going to be extra careful. Nothing is going to happen to me,” you assured him as you turned around quickly, looking at Sehun as he pulled his nuzzling face out of Damon’s hair. “And I promise you, nothing is going to happen to Damon.” Sehun pressed his lips together into a thin line as you spoke. You didn’t want to interrupt their moment together but it was time for you to leave. You couldn’t risk staying there another minute.

“I love you, Chanyeol,” you said to him as you turned around, hugging him tightly.

“I love you too (Y/N),” he replied lowly, squeezing you lightly before he let go.

“Come on, Damon…” you sighed heavily as you started for the car. “It’s going to be a long drive.”

X-x-x

It had been about 2 hours and a half since you left Seoul and Damon still hadn’t said a word. The tension in the car was indistinguishable. You didn’t know if it was anger toward you or sadness toward the situation at hand, but it stopped Damon from doing anything but look outside the car window. As you neared closer to the familiar path to the cabin, you ran your thoughts over again, thinking about how you were going to ask Damon what was on his mind. As you took the exit on the highway, you coughed nervously and glanced at Damon in your peripheral.

“You’re going to love the cabin,” you gushed hesitantly. “It’s really nice and it’s got a beautiful vie--”

“I’m not mad at you, (Y/N),” Damon’s voice was flat and you thought he was lying at first. But as he continued to plead his case, you thought otherwise. “This isn’t your fault. I hope you know that. It just sucks. I really like Sehun...and I think I do love him….but I’m so worried about him. He doesn’t know it but…”

“It’s okay. You can’t help it. It’s hard to have them worry about us when we know what Dominic is capable of…”

“Kind of sort of not helping,” he muttered at you as he positioned himself in his seat.

“Sorry…” your eyes were fixed on the trees in front of you. For a second you felt trapped, caged into the forest like an animal. Usually, you would think of it as freeing and like you could run and run until your legs hurt. But you were already running and everything was hurting. You could tell Damon was starting to get tired of this. You’ve never seen Damon cry or complain over anything that your life at thrown at your two. Even though he was always the one your trusted to see that raw side of you, the way Jin had seen you earlier. You gripped the steering wheel, as you turned down the weaving path similar to the one in your mind.

“We’re not staying here for long, are we?” He knew your plan before you even told him

“No. We aren’t. But don’t tell Jin--”

“This is kind of a fucked up way to leave them both, (Y/N).”

The words rang loudly in your ear. He was right. It was cowardly and heartless. But your intention behind it justified it, at least in your head it did. You’d do anything not to continue hurting Jin and Chanyeol. Even if it meant disappearing.

“It’s for the best…” Your voice trailed off as you studied the scenery around it noticing you were about 15 minutes away from the cabin.

“I know you think that,” Damon said softly as he watched you fixated. “But it didn’t have to be this way.”

“We’re almost there,” you tried changing the subject which just caused Damon to shake his head. He just replied okay, taking the hint and not prodding into the stresses of your battered mind.

When the two of you pulled up, you smiled at you noticed Damon’s eyes widen. It had been a while since he had gone out to the woods in general. Much less stayed at a cabin. That was something you both did in the many winters back home. Driving to the Poconos and sitting by a fire while smoking and drinking the night away. Even though those cabins were a lot larger, the quaint one you were parking in front of added a certain comforting atmosphere. It was a feeling that penetrated the tension on your subconscious the minute you pulled up. As you unloaded the car and walked in, the memories started flood back and you figured out why you felt so much more at ease. It was the memories of Seokjin that calmed you and when Damon brought in the last bags, he came up next to you as you stood in the door way of the living room, gazing adoringly at the rug carpet that was in front of the unlit fireplace.

“I don’t even want to know what happened here,” he said playfully in disgust. You just laughed breathlessly as you walked over to the fireplace.

“All I’ve got to say,” you started to load some wood that was placed next to the fireplace, smiling to yourself as you started to light it. “Jin is so very very flexible.”

“I’m going to unpack! I’ll be back when I’m done!” Damon cried out immediately, leaving you to the fireplace and your memories.

X-x-x

The next four days went by painfully slow. You and Damon spent a lot of time running Starlight from your laptops, trying to stay as under the radar as possible. Things were starting to eat away at you both financially. You needed to up your security tenfold, making sure all of your girls and guys were escorted with every encounter. Maya was dealing with a lot. She took on Damon’s job of taking care of the hunnies but now they were scattered all over Seoul in different safe houses. You didn’t know how to thank her except by promising her a long vacation to anywhere in the world when everything died down. If everything died down.

It was a time bomb. You were waiting for Dominic’s next move. Anticipating it. You knew that his plan, whatever it was, had come to a screeching halt when he saw security at EXO and BTS’ dorms. You knew that he had already raided your apartment to find you disappeared without a trace. Dominic didn’t know where you were but he knew your presence still pumped heavily into that city. It was just a matter of finding you. You were almost sure he never would. Even today, on New Years Day, you were confident he wouldn’t be able to close in on you as you browsed for different cabins, yachts, shit you’d even invest in a bunker if you could find it.

Damon walked into the dining room and plopped himself at the head of the table. The same place where Jin had decided to make a meal out of you weeks before. You smirked as you watched him swirl his cereal in a bowl.

“You know I’m getting tired of not having eggs and pancakes and bacon and--”

“Relax,” you interrupted his voice from getting any more whiny than it was now, never braking your gaze from the laptop screen in front of you. “Maya is coming by later today and bringing us some groceries,” you looked up at him and pointed him out, putting emphasis on each word that came out of your mouth. “But you have to not eat like there’s a supermarket I can just drive to and re up on the goods. I have self control.”

“I have self control,” he mimicked and mocked you, raising his voice up a pitch to add to his exaggeration. You rolled your eyes and shrugged.

“Honestly, Damon, how old are you?”

“5, bitch. I’m 5 fucking years old eating this god damn cereal with no milk,” Damon snapped, moving his head to the rhythm of his words. You laughed it off as you continued to browse through the dark web for incognito hide outs. Suddenly, you heard the sound of tires treading on the stone trail outside. Your ears perked up and your hand shot to the chair net to you, grabbing your gun and gripping onto the cool metal tightly.

“Honestly, (Y/N). How long are you going to keep that thing next to you? It’s probably Maya!” Damon cried out as you shot out of your seat.

“Shhhh...you can’t be too careful. Stay here and don’t say a word,” you whispered as he rolled is eyes at your creeping down the hall. Your footsteps were light and slow, making your way stalkingly toward the front door. Your hands trembled slightly making the metal in the gun clink softly. Your nerves were shot and every time you thought about it possibly being Dominic finally pulling up on you, your stomach knotted and you shook like this. These past 4 days have been a fucking nightmare.

When you finally reached the door, you heard the car outside turn off. You peered through the the small window next to the door and dropped your weapon.

“(Y/N)! Are you okay!?” Damon asked worriedly, the sound of the chair scratching against the wooden floor following his question.

“This isn’t happening. No no no. What the fuck!” you sneered as you watched him walk out of his car and toward the door.

“(Y/N)?!” Damon’s voice filled your ears again and so did his footsteps behind you. Still, you ripped the door open with fury in your eyes.

“Chanyeol! What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?!” you spat at him as he made his way toward the front door. His eyes widened as he approached you, noticing the madness that was over taking your demenour.

“Chanyeol!?” Damon echoed as he came up behind you.

“Really, baby? This is the welcome I get after I drove hours to come see you on New Year’s Da--” You cut Chanyeol off as you grabbed him and pulled him inside with force, slamming the door behind him.

“Gee, Chanyeol...how did you find this place?” Damon said nervously, shaking his head at him frantically. You noticed this and figured that Damon told Sehun where they were staying after you specifically told him not to. But the damage was done and right now, you were in no position to deal with how he was told more than what the fuck you were going to do now.

“It doesn’t matter!” You grabbed the gun from the floor as Chanyeol gasped silently.

“Put that away!”

“No! I have to see if you were followed!” You started to look out the window inconspicuously as you clutched the cool metal close to you.

“(Y/N), baby. No one followed me. I came to spend sometime with you...I even brought food.”

“You brought food!?” Damon piqued excitedly, causing you to snap your head back at him and give him a deadly disapproving look. He just shook you off and tisked at you.

“Come on, (Y/N). The food, I mean, Chanyeol came all this way,” Damon chuckled as he looked over at Chanyeol, who was pursing his lips at him. You still weren’t budging. You were almost glued to the window, scanning the road and everything in between for any sign of unwanted guests. Chanyeol’s footsteps were getting closer behind you and when you felt his hand on your arm, the way you began to loosen was involuntary.

“Baby, please,” he begged silently. You closed your eyes and let his sweet dark voice invade your ears. Lowering your weapon, you turned to him and sighed heavily.

“You know coming here was extremely dangerous, incredibly thoughtless and highly risky! What were you thinking!?” thinking about the worst thing that could have happened caused you to start raising your voice a bit, taking Chanyeol back as he took his hand off your arm.

“Look, I’m sorry...I just didn’t want you to start the new year alone,” he hung his head a little low and rubbed his arm as you continued.

“That’s more important than your safety?! More important than mine!?” You screeched as you started waving the gun and your hand around in emphasis. Chanyeol put his hands up and furrowed his eyebrows at you.

“(Y/N), what the fuck? Calm down!” The anger in Chanyeol’s voice started to pick up as he took a step back.

“Yea, watch where you’re waving that thing bitch!” Damon added. You simply ignored them as you continued to scold the tall man.

“Calm down!? Do you understand how stupid this was!?”

“Stupid?! You’re calling me stupid?!”

“If the shoe fucking fits!”

“Hey!” Damon barked, getting closer to the two of you. “(Y/N), you’re being a cunt.”

“Yea well this cunt wants us all to survive so fuck you both. I’ll be upstairs keeping an eye out while you two each your fucking food,” You started to walk off but stopped when you felt a fairly large hand grab at your wrist.

“I’m not done talking to you. Don’t be fucking disrespectful,” Chanyeol said lowly, narrowing his gaze as you turned to him. You simply snatched your wrist from his grasp and matched the same glare he was giving you.

“You shouldn’t talk to me like that when I have a gun in my hand. Don’t let history repeat itself.” With that, you marched upstairs, leaving Chanyeol to seethe in his thoughts and Damon to diffuse this awkward situation.

X-x-x

“Fuck me, these roads have gotten worse and worse!” Maya screeched as she drove down the winding road. As the trees around the car started to close in on them, Jin couldn’t help but smile knowing they were getting closer.

“Yea, they get like that as soon as you get off the exit and closer to the mountains,” he chuckled at Maya’s expense as she struggled.

“Where did you find this place anyway? Yoongi was jealous that we were coming up here so it must be as nice as he described,” she pointed out as the anger slowly started to dissipate. Jin just smiled and pushed his bangs out of his face.

“Yoongi loved this cabin,” he marveled before he started. “It was during our predebut days. We were working so hard and so much time had passed. We were all starting to get defeated even though Hobi had just came back to the dorm after quitting for a while,” Maya stared intently at the road in front of her but was listening intently. “I was thinking of ways on how to bring our spirits up, keep everyone positive. I thought, maybe doing something sporty would bring us closer together. So I saved as much of my allowance as I could so we could take a trip here, snowboard in the mountains and just have a good time.” The road was straightening out again and Maya took advantage of it and looked at Jin warmly.

“Jin, that’s so sweet,” she doted. He just shrugged and smiled.

“We had so much fun that day. My dad even sent me a few extra dollars so we could drive into town and eat at this restaurant that's a few miles down the highway...but when we got there and finished eating, it started to snow so bad. We couldn’t drive far so we looked up cabins in the area that we could rent for the night. All the hotels were far.”

“Ahhh, I see. I’m guessing it was this cabin,” she said as if she was enlightened. Jin just nodded and relaxed in his seat.

“It was small but we were used to packing into rooms together. I’m not going to forget that night. Me and Namjoon stayed up late but when he fell asleep, I started to walk down to the kitchen when I noticed Jungkook and Tae in one of the rooms. Tae had his arm wrapped around Kookie and they looked so...so peaceful. I was envious at the time. Envious that they found love for each other through this. I thought I’d never find love but I knew when I did...I’d want to bring them back here too.”

“That’s...that’s so romantic, Jin,” Maya’s smile faded slightly as she pushed her hair out of her face. “I knew it was a good idea bringing you with me. She might be a little upset because you know how careful she is but I know she trusts me...plus, you guys deserve to be happy. Her especially.”

“That’s interesting,” Jin started. “Considering the way you two fought before…” Maya tisked at him and rolled her eyes.

“That was stupid. I was just upset and...maybe…”

“Jealous?” Jin said as she hesitated. She jumped at his words, as if he struck a chord. “Sorry...I didn’t mean to be rude--”

“But you’re right,” she sighed heavily and started to bite her lip. “Yixing stopped called me...Yoongi isn’t ready for anything serious even though I shouldn’t suspect anything...I just...I came to Korea hoping to find something that wasn’t in Birmingham. To get away from things that held me back from advancing I suppose…”

“I understand,” Jin started before he gave her some oddly familiar advice. “But you can’t run. You have to face those things and knock them down or else they’ll always keep your from advancing. And as far as finding love,” he crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side. “Love has a funny way off...coming to you. In strange forms sometimes.” He heard Maya snigger as he got lost in his own words.

“Finally we’re here!” She said excitedly as she started to pull up. But the excitement didn’t last when she noticed a familiar car parked next to Damon’s. “Fuck that’s--”

“Chanyeol’s car,” Jin muttered disappointingly, scratching the back of his head as all the happiness drained from his face.

A/N ;; 2 more chapters will be posted later tonight :)

31 notes · View notes

stephanericherthanyou · 3 years ago

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Ch11-20

Ch11: Back Leachbomb or Mom

i’ve been resisting posting all the chapter covers but i just--tatsuhime

[insert pleading emoji here] i adore them

Ch12: The Gate of the End

fraccion prototype?

this one also has a cool cover...i think about one of those satire wikis a lot, idr which one it was but the entry for kubo was like “big time fashion designer who didn’t make it as a manga artist (bleach & zombiepowder have been forgotten except in trivia about the fashion guy)” or something...i liked this about the furuba chapter covers too, everyone is in seriously cool fashion...anyway, peak visuals, gg

oh interesting - iirc in the anime it was rukia who said that yuuichi’s mom would be waiting for him (perhaps i am wrong?), but in the manga it’s ichigo and that changes things a *lot*

Ch13: Bad Standard

kon *and* urahara at once, wrow

Ch14: School Daze!!

i wonder if the refs here to contemporary (to the early 2000s) pop culture were that way originally or if it was just the translation...it’s likely keigo’s attempt to teach the bird to say he looks like celebs was, but is the “only bru//ce willis” line?

Ch15: Jumpin’ Jack Jolted

Ch16: Wasted but Wanted

I LOVE when two charas are fighting a common enemy and also each other and then the common enemy interrupts their fight and they are Not Having It

& related to this, i do wonder who knows and how much about urahara and his dealings. obviously he’s able to get goods from soul society, and shinigami know about him (iirc he found rukia after ch1 tho, so she didn’t already know about him). so how open is the secret? his non-shinigami customer base would be like...the vizards and maaaaaybe ryuuken, tho i always assumed (or maybe it’s shown/stated) that he sells regular old human stuff too

Ch17: 6/17

ahh...memories in the rain, everything but the rain, *george lucas voice* it’s like poetry it rhymes

Ch18: 6/17 Op.2 Can’t Smile Don’t Blame

i do like that kubo chose a concrete date for when masaki died.

also the interspersing of the family going to the grave with tatsuki explaining everything to orihime...

Ch19: 6/17 Op.3 Memories in the Rain

if it weren’t the middle of the day i’d be playing the “drink whenever there’s dramatic irony” game (this time wrt kon’s remark on rukia losing friends bc she’s too focused on her work)

it’s easy to lose sight of rukia just hanging out in the world of the living, sleeping in ichigo’s closet, etc, but she’s isolated from her friends, in deep trouble wrt the “gave up all my powers to a human by accident” thing, and there’s no one she feels she can really reach out to. :(

*slams down imaginary glass* HOOOOBOY mrs ishida made sure of that

i’ve never actually seen ‘this is us’ but i’ve read some of the vulture recaps and this chap actually reminded me of the latest (sorry paywalled) a bit? you have a mom who is a superwoman to her kids to some degree and they want to be the ones who protect her but don’t know how, and have built up an unrealistic image of her....tho, obviously, the kurosaki kids were still rly young at this point, not actual adults approaching middle age

anyway, dr kurosaki, good job on not sending your kid to therapy after having witnessed his mother’s death at the age of 9! (i mean yeah this would have been the 90s and there’s the whole ghost thing, but...at least recognize your kid’s carrying that guilt around with him and talk to him about it in the ensuing 6-7 years)

Ch20: 6/17 Op.4 Face Again

“I don’t have a method of stepping into the depths of your heart without it getting dirty. So I’ll wait.” nnn

#richer rereads bleach #text post #long post #the foreshadowing is so delicious #and in general the substitute arc is a fave of mine #bleach

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pekorosu · 7 years ago

Text

some rambly thinky thoughts

warning for ch17 and 18 spoilers

so i've finally figured out how to make the mangaone app work... turns out i had to use a vpn -_- apparently u can read a chapter in advance (ch18 in this case) but ofc some money has to be spent lol

anyway !!! wow! imma try not to go into too much detail but i need to dump my thoughts somewhere

we're finally getting into the enigma that's anonymous!!

i like that ch17 brings up how anon may seem distant or even emotionless to most ppl, but that's not entirely true. esp that shot of her expression when tchaiko mentions seichirou's condition, and the whole thing with tsubaki (👀) insisting anon is human too.

this eventually culminates in the next chp reveal:

anon: “i think i'm probably asexual.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kinda makes me go hmmmmm tho. since this is in jp, “asexual” doesn't quite have the same meaning as it would in english... in fact it's closer to what we would now consider “aromantic asexual”

further context:

“oh, an asexual... that’s having no interest in both romance and sex, wasn’t it?” “yes.”

(this isn’t an area i’m well-versed with but afaik "nonsexual/ノンセクシャル" is more commonly used to refer to those who do experience romantic attraction. seems like things are done a lil differently in jpn so yeah)

i’m curious as to how the scanlators are gonna go about it. putting a lil note to clarify would be sufficient i guess. just worried it might worsen the already existing misconceptions of asexuality among english-speakers, haha. anon’s story does have more to do with not wanting to settle down in a romantic partnership as per societal expectations, instead preferring a solitary life (among other things... their aversion to labels seems to extend to their entire self imo).

shrugs. anyway.

tchaiko & seichirou bring up the idea that perhaps what anon wants is to be “anonymous” (“you are nobody; just a ‘someone’ that no one knows, from somewhere”)... which triggers a “that’s it!!!!!” moment for anon. so they decide to ditch all labels and “become” that from then on.

however, tchaiko thinks all they’ve done is attach a new label onto anon and wonders if that’s actually a good thing or not.

point. but hey, at least it’s a label that anon likes, right?

on the other hand, tasuku ponders if it's really possible to live in solitude, if anon truly doesn't get special feelings for anyone at all. thinks that yeah, being in love is painful but at least it beats being lonely.

ah yes, the usual but how can u possibly be happy without (romantic) love!

*pats tasuku on the head*

i’m sure anon isn’t lonely... after all y'all are there keeping them company :)

other things:

- saki apparently got outed to her dad??? aaaaaaaaa i hope everything works out in the end *crosses fingers*

in hindsight i wonder if the trash bag saki found in front of the lounge is like... foreshadowing or smth o_o it did take up half a page...

- wow tsubaki has been hanging out at the lounge a LOT... guess he’s an official member now lmao. unfortunately ch18 ends ominously with his dad dropping by on business matters, only to find him there.

at this point my gut feeling is pretty much yelling into a megaphone: THIS KID IS BI OR I’M GONNA EAT MY SHOE!!!

or at least, questioning in some way.

i mean, you could say that he's there so often bc he's a curious kid/growing ally but that doesn't explain why he keeps making random flirty faces at tasuku even tho he’d been all "lol gays are gross" before.

(??? is "flirty" even the right word? is he making fun of tasuku? we don’t fucking know!!!! he always looks a lil creepy tho idk if that’s intentional or what /sweats)

there’s also haruko going "u must be popular" and him specifically bringing up "yea especially with the girls" before doing the weird thing he does at tasuku again... like... WHY DRAW ATTENTION TO THAT IF IT'S MEANINGLESS? ya okay i guess he could just be being mean on purpose but ughhhhhhhhhhh

tbh the reason i started having this suspicion was actually a few chps back during tsubaki's chat with anon:

"what are you? a lesbian? an ex-guy? ex-girl?"

"what about you? are you a girl? a guy? or gay?"

i dunno, something about the duality here just stood out to me. girl/guy. gay/lesbian.

and now with this aseku reveal it feels like it could be juxtaposing anon vs tsubaki in the "neither/none" vs "both/all" sense. to me, both of them have a sort of similar vibe in that can’t-be-pinned-down way... but they’re also different?? IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT ARGH

ofc these things could be an indicator of him being closeted with a good dollop of internalised homophobia as opposed to being bi per se. i mean, tasuku did mention tsubaki's tears felt similar to his own when he'd still been deathly afraid of admitting he's gay.

eehhhhhhhh i could end up being absolutely honkingly WRONG and i would be embarrassed as hell but y’know. gut feeling. IDK idk idk. whatever it is, it will likely be clarified in the next chapter aaaaaaaaaa

lastly: i wonder if anyone knows what the whole jumping off a building/walking mid-air imagery anon keeps making ppl see symbolises o_o

#shimanami tasogare #peko tls #oops got longer than expected #alrdy edited but i initially typed out the first draft #switching around between he/she/they pronouns for anon without even realising it...#which i think means the author has done a great job portraying them as Ambiguous :x

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lastbluetardis · 4 years ago

Text

Chemical Reaction (19/22)

Summary: Though their chemistry class is now over, the chemistry between James and Rose is just getting started. Together, they navigate the highs of new love and the lows of coping with past trauma to forge deep and unbreakable bonds of love and commitment. Part 2 in the Catalysis series. Tagging @doctorroseprompts

This chapter: ~7400 words, teen

If you like my stories, consider leaving me a tip? I know these are trying times, but if you are able, I would really appreciate it xoxo. And as always, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated as well.

AO3 | FF | TSP

Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | Ch11 | Ch12 | Ch13 | Ch14 | Ch15 | Ch16 | Ch17 | Ch18 | Ch19 | Ch20 | Ch21 | epilogue

James couldn’t believe his eyes. He blinked hard, thinking his exhaustion had caught up with him. No, the blonde woman on his porch had to be the night-shift nurse who lived across the street—she often liked to indulge in late-night baking on her nights off, and there were times she would come to James for an ingredient she was missing, or to give him a small sampling of her confectionery creations.

(He had the sudden, jarring, embarrassing realization that she may have been flirting with him the whole time… Is that why she hasn’t come around in months?)

“Rose,” he said again when blinking stupidly for at least ten seconds didn’t transform Rose into anyone else.

“Hi,” she said quietly. She looked exhausted; there were prominent shadows beneath her eyes and her shoulders drooped like a heavy weight sat upon them.

Her gaze flicked over his shoulder, and her face fell. “Oh. Sorry. Didn’t realize you had company. I’ll just…” She thumbed behind herself to the dark road. How did she get here? “Sorry.”

Before he could protest, Jack clapped James on the shoulder and announced, “No, no. I was getting ready to head out. Come on, get in out of the cold.”

Jack pressed a smacking kiss to James’s cheek, then muttered, “Talk to her,” into his ear. He then stepped forward and gave Rose a loose hug and kiss on the cheek before he walked to his vehicle that was parked on the side of the street.

They turned to watch Jack start his car and drive off into the night. James looked at Rose, then at the squarish plastic Tupperware container she held. She was absently flicking her thumb nail across the tab on the lid.

“What’ve you got there?” he asked, nodding to the container.

Rose chewed on her bottom lip and pushed her hair behind her ear. “Well. We’ve been playing a game all month, haven’t we? Time to celebrate.”

She popped the lid off the container and handed it to him. In it were half a dozen large, muffin-sized chocolate cupcakes, frosted in vanilla icing and decorated with pink and yellow star sprinkles. The words “Happy Birthday” were written in small, neat, glossy red letters across each cupcake. His stomach sank.

“It… it’s your birthday?” he croaked. Of course—of fucking course—today had been her birthday.

Rose nodded. “I… I didn’t want to let my entire birthday pass without spending some time with my favorite person.”

James nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Hope you had fun.”

Rose raised an incredulous eyebrow, and the penny dropped.

“Me?” he squeaked, the knot in his chest loosening.

“Yes you, you numpty. Just because I’m angry with you doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. Do you not love me anymore because we fought?”

James’s knees weakened at the ‘l’ word. He took a step towards her, the arm not holding the cupcakes extended. Her face softened and she stepped into his proffered embrace. Her body was warm and solid against him. Heat prickled behind his eyes as he wrapped his arms as tightly around her as he could without upending the Tupperware container.

“I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry. I…”

“Can we not do this on the front porch?” she asked, voice muffled. “S’cold.”

James was loath to let go of her, but he had to agree the night was getting frigid, especially for him, with his bare feet and thin pajama bottoms and t-shirt. With a sigh, he gave her a final squeeze and dropped his arms from around her waist, then stepped back to usher her into his home.

She toed off her shoes by the front door, and he could already predict her questions when she angled her head towards the hallway. “Did you paint something?”

James scratched the back of his neck. “Er. Yeah. Started repainting my bedroom.”

A small, sad smile tugged at the side of Rose’s mouth. “Needed something to keep your mind busy?”

“Something like that,” he admitted.

A more genuine smile crossed her face as she gestured to the Tupperware container he was holding. “Y’know, stress baking would've been cheaper.”

James blinked, then gaped down at the cupcakes he was holding. The font of the words was perfect cursive, the spread of the icing uniform and even. He blurted, “You made these?”

“Thanks for that vote of confidence,” she drawled. “Yes, I made them. Well. Elsa helped. She came over to my flat this afternoon. Bit of a girl’s night. Had pizza and wine, then made cupcakes. She’s actually really good at decorating; she’s got this whole set of frosting tips to make fancy designs. She did the lettering.”

“They look lovely. Very professional,” he said. He jutted his head to his kitchen, motioning for her to follow. She did, her quiet, shuffling footsteps falling into rhythm with his.

Rather than go into the kitchen, Rose peeled off to the living room, where Merry and Pippin were lounging on the sofa together, half-asleep. James watched her squat down in front of the cats and give them a bit of love before she returned to him.

“Should Jack have driven himself home?”

James glanced at Rose and saw her pointing to the kitchen table, where the mostly-empty bottle of wine sat. It had a few mouthfuls left.

“It was only half-full when we started,” James answered, picking up the bottle and hurriedly drinking the last of the wine. “This was from last weekend, when you and I… Anyway, he had one glass. I drank most of it. He should be fine.”

“Tell him to let us know when he gets home safely,” Rose said.

James snapped off a lazy salute then sent Jack a text, passing along Rose’s request. He set the Tupperware container of cupcakes on the counter before grabbing two clean bowls from the dishwasher he hadn’t bothered to empty.

“Oh, I really shouldn’t,” Rose said with a grimace. “I already had one after they came out of the oven. Plus pizza. M’gonna puff up like a balloon.”

She pinched her waist, and James frowned. “What are you talking about? You’re beautiful.”

Her cheeks flamed pink and she dropped her hand limply to her side.

“I had a huge, greasy burger and chips for dinner. D’you think I’m gonna puff up like a balloon?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Well, no. But you’re…” She let her sentence dangle as she waved her hand vaguely up and down his body.

“And you’re…” He mirrored her gesture. “Rose, I find you absolutely beautiful, and you losing or gaining weight won’t change my opinion. Not that my opinion should matter. If you don’t want a cupcake, or if you’re not hungry, that’s fine. And again, not that you need my approval.”

Rose sighed and twisted her hands in front of herself before she turned away from him and rooted in his freezer for ice cream he always made sure to have on hand.

“I had a minor eating disorder as a teen,” Rose said quietly, pulling out the ice cream and shutting the freezer. “Nothing too serious. I was obsessed with my weight, and was really careful with what I ate. I counted and logged calories. I grew out of it when I realized watching what I ate made me feel even worse about myself. Of course I still tried to eat healthy and to eat reasonably-sized portions, but I stopped being so strict with it. I obviously started putting on some weight, nothing too drastic, but Jimmy would often tease me and tell me to lay off the chips or whatever, because rock stars don’t date chubby girls.”

James’s ears were ringing with rage and heartbreak, and he was furious with himself for everything he had accused Rose of last night regarding Jimmy.

“Rose, I…”

“As I said, I’m fine now and I don’t really care about my weight or body image as much,” Rose interrupted, setting the ice cream on the counter in front of him. “But sometimes those thoughts pop up without me realizing it. Like they did just now.”

Unsure of how to respond, James instead took a cupcake out of the Tupperware container, unwrapped the paper from the bottom, and set it into the bowl. “Did I… did I say something wrong?”

“No. Quite the opposite, actually. You told me your opinion, but didn’t shove it in my face or try to force me to believe you. And like I said, I don’t often realize when I’m having these thoughts.”

He nodded and forced his lips into some semblance of a smile that he hoped looked supportive. He then returned his gaze to the bowl and the ice cream she’d retrieved.

“D’you want to share this with me?” he asked, gesturing to the bowl with a spoon.

Rose nodded. He scooped several large dollops of vanilla ice cream into the bowl then he went to his junk drawer. It overflowed with a random assortment of objects: scissors, several different types of batteries, notepads, pens, pencils, a ruler, a screwdriver, tape, glue, Band-Aids, rubber bands, paper clips, binder clips, thumbtacks, toothpicks, a ball of twine, a condom, a tampon, and so many other things James didn't remember throwing into the drawer.

He dug through the mishmash of objects until he found a small, half-empty box of birthday candles and a matchbook. He took out four candles and brought them and the matches over to where Rose stood at the counter.

“I would try to shove twenty-two of them into the cupcake, but firstly I don’t have twenty-two candles, and secondly, I’m pretty sure I would end up pulverizing the poor cupcake into a pile of crumbs. So use your imagination; two and two equates to twenty-two.”

He shoved two of the candles side by side into the left side of the cupcake, right before the H and B in “Happy Birthday”. The other two, he stuck into the right side of the cupcake, behind both Ys. Striking the match, he ignored the shaking in his hands as he lit the candles. He then promptly blew out the match and dropped it into the water-filled wine glass in the sink to let it stop smoking. However, Rose must have seen the tremor in his hands, because she reached over and threaded their fingers together.

“I don’t like fire,” he admitted. “For obvious reasons.”

“You didn’t have to light the candles then,” Rose said gently.

“Pfff. It’s your birthday. Can’t have a birthday without blowing out some candles. How else will you get a free wish?”

Rose cracked a small smile and squeezed his fingers. She leaned forward as though she were about to blow out her candles. James cried, “Wait!”

She pulled back with a start.

“It’s your twenty-second birthday. I would think you would remember how this goes by now,” he drawled. He then sucked in a deep breath and began to sing. “Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Ro-ooose. Happy Birthday to youuuuu.”

She was grinning by the end of it, especially when he intentionally sang off-key for the sole purpose of making her smile. He’d made her cry too much in the last twenty-four hours; a smile from her was a welcome sight.

“Right. Those candles are all charged up with birthday magic. Now you can make a wish and blow,” he said, bowing and gesturing to her cupcake.

Rolling her eyes at him, Rose closed her eyes and paused for about five seconds, before she blew out a short breath, extinguishing the candles with ease. He applauded her effort, then yanked the candles out of the cupcake and extended two of them to her. They licked off the cake crumbs and icing—cream cheese, he noted with delight—then dropped them into the trash.

“Let’s eat this before all the ice cream melts,” James said, gesturing to the table. “Want anything to drink? More wine?”

“Just water.”

He grabbed two glasses from the dishwasher and filled them with water from the pitcher in the fridge before plopping down at the table beside Rose. He noticed his phone had a new text notification; Jack had replied, letting him know he was home. James relayed the news to Rose, then gestured for her to take the first bite of her birthday cupcake.

For several long minutes, they sat silently together, trading off bites of cupcake and ice cream until the bowl was empty.

“That was very good,” he praised, swiping his finger through the melted mess of ice cream and chocolate crumbs on the bottom of the bowl and licking the digit clean.

“Thanks. Elsa loves to bake but doesn't get the chance to do it as often as she likes because she lives in the dorms on campus.” Rose ran her fingertip along the rim of her glass. “When I invited her over to my flat, she said stress baking was a requirement. She didn’t know it was my birthday until we started decorating the cupcakes.”

“Do you have an aversion to people knowing it’s your birthday?”

She snorted. “No. But it just… it didn’t feel right to celebrate. Not when we’d…” She trailed off with a shrug. “All month I’d been looking forward to finally telling you it was my birthday. It didn’t feel right to tell anyone about my birthday if I couldn’t tell you.”

“I really buggered your birthday,” he sighed, chest tightening.

“Nah.” She pursed her lips. “Okay, well, yeah. But it wasn’t just you. I didn’t help. I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate my birthday today, so I kept it to myself. Anyways. Elsa knocked a bit of sense into me this afternoon. Helped put some things into better perspective.”

“I’m glad you have a friend like that to share things with,” he said.

Rose hummed in agreement. “She also called me out for being an idiot.”

James snorted. “Jack did much the same for me.” He paused, fidgeting uncomfortably for a few seconds before he blurted, “I am so sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry for snooping through your mail and reading that letter, and I’m so sorry for jumping to a conclusion that was absolutely ridiculous, and I’m sorry for accusing you of not trusting me. I’m sorry I twisted the situation and your words and actions to put the blame all on you. I’m sorry I let my own insecurities warp my perceptions of you and our relationship, and I’m so, so sorry for ever insinuating that you would want to go back to Jimmy.”

Rose was dead silent. When James chanced a peek over at her, he was horrified to see tears welling in her eyes. She blinked and they fell down her cheeks.

Sniffling, she wiped at them and whispered, “That really hurt. I thought I had told you enough about Jimmy to show you he wasn’t a nice person to be in a relationship with. And I thought…”

“You did,” James interrupted fervently. “You did Rose. You were absolutely correct in saying I had selective memory. You told me more about him than I realized. I was too caught up in my own head last night to remember everything you’d said. I’m so sorry about that.”

Rose waved him off. “Forget Jimmy for a minute. Even if he wasn’t a wanker… It hurt that you would think I would be tempted into a new relationship with someone else when we’ve been so happy together. At least, I’ve been happy.”

“I’ve been happy, too,” James said. He covered her hand with his. “I swear, Rose. I’ve been so happy with you.”

He wished he had better answers for her. He wished he could explain what had triggered him last night, explain how his brain had disregarded nearly seven months of a friendship and four months of a relationship stronger than he’d ever had before. Why had he thought Rose would be tempted by an ex-boyfriend who had treated her so horribly? Why did he have the anxiety that Rose would see through his facade and realize he wasn’t as exciting as she’d thought? Why was he so fearful she would leave?

Because everyone leaves.

The realization crashed over him with the force of a tidal wave, pushing his head beneath the water until he could barely breathe. He was drowning, fighting a losing battle against the current, about to be swept away into the sea when he was thrown a lifeline.

Rose squeezed his fingers hard, grounding him, pulling him back to the moment. His chest was tight and tears blurred his vision.

Everyone leaves.

His mother, who had thought it more prudent to attend to their dogs rather than get herself to safety with her husband and son.

His father, who had rescued him from their burning house only to leave him on the street to go back inside. James hadn’t been enough to keep his dad by his side, and so he had lost two parents that night.

His aunt, who had never wanted kids, had never expected to have kids. She pulled long hours and travelled incessantly, chasing big news stories while James pretended he was fine with being alone, while silently wishing his dad had never saved him from their house. He knew without a doubt that, if his aunt could do it all over again, if she knew then what she knew now, she never would have agreed to be his godmother when he was born. He loved his aunt, and knew his aunt loved him, but he wasn’t so naïve as to be ignorant of the fact that he had upheaved his aunt’s life, and not entirely for the better.

The friends he had left behind in the UK and never heard from again after he and his aunt moved to America. People he had known since childhood who hadn’t bothered putting in the effort to stay in touch, despite claiming they would.

His previous partners, many of whom finding ways to end their brief relationship after realizing he didn’t want to have sex with them. Time after time, he had to listen to them say it was fine that they weren’t being physically intimate—with an unspoken yet dangling between them—only to listen to them make up excuses for why they were ending the relationship. Granted, he had broken off a relationship himself a few times, but over half the time, his partner had been the one to end it.

Over and over, people came and people went, and at the heart of it, James was hardly more than a spectre, unable to be seen or heard as his heart was left broken. And yet when Rose had joined him, had taken his hand and made promises and vows that nobody ever had before, he had jumped at the first opportunity to assume she would leave him, too.

Chair legs scraped across the floor a moment before a warm, familiar arm wrapped around his waist. He turned into Rose and rested his cheek on her shoulder, breathing in her scent, the subtle tones of amber and citrus, of warmth and love and home.

Something deep in his chest cracked open, releasing the floodgates. For the past nine and a half years, he had been drifting, trying to make sense of how he could feel so alone when he was surrounded by people, able to make new friends and acquaintances at the drop of a hat. Yet there was always that disconnect, making him feel more like an outsider looking in. Like everyone else was aware of the punchline of a joke while he was left clueless.

Until Rose. With Rose it had been natural. Effortless. It was though his world had shifted into perfect focus, and at the heart of it was her. She had reminded him of what it felt like to belong, to feel perfectly at home with another person. And though he was desperate not to lose her and what they had together, part of him was holding his breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yet in doing so, he had let his anxiety take control and had hurt Rose badly enough that he had nearly caused her to do exactly what he had been terrified of.

James’s shoulders shook as he wept quietly into Rose’s neck, dampening the collar of her shirt. She didn’t seem to mind. Instead, she held him closer, rubbing her hand up and down the length of his spine as he sobbed and gasped for breath.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped. “I’m so sorry for everything, Rose.”

Haltingly, through the juddering tears that cracked his voice, he explained his revelation to her. He hoped he didn’t sound like he was making excuses for himself, but he genuinely wanted her to understand the conclusion his big, stupid brain had come to.

“I let my fears take over,” he said, voice raw from crying and talking. “I didn’t realize what they were. And I didn’t realize how loud they’d gotten.”

“I understand,” Rose said quietly. “Believe me. I understand. Is there anything I can do to help you quiet them?”

James rubbed his hand beneath his clogged, stuffy nose and grimaced when it came away wet. He pulled away from Rose and stood, moving to the sink to wash his hands, then to grab a handful of tissues. He blotted his eyes then blew his nose before he sank into his seat beside her again.

“I don’t know,” he confessed. “I know this is a me problem, not a you problem. You’ve been wonderful, Rose. You and me… our relationship… it has all been wonderful. I don’t know why I was so quick to let ten minutes of screaming insecurities make me forget about half a year of loving you.”

Rose chewed on the inside of her cheek, contemplating. “If ever there’s a time those voices are getting too loud, I’d like you to tell me. Though I know sometimes they can go unnoticed. But if you realize you’re getting stuck in your head, let me know and I’ll try to help you out of it.”

James flashed her a grateful smile. “Same for you. If there’s ever a time I can help you with whatever’s on your mind…”

Rose sighed. “I need to get better about that. I’ve realized I have a bad habit of telling myself I will deal with something later, but later never actually comes.” She sucked in a big breath and blew it out again. “I’m sorry you saw that letter from Jimmy. Yeah, you were a bit of a twat for reading it and reacting like you did. But I’m sorry you were blindsided like that, and that I ignored how it made you feel. And I’m sorry for making you feel like I don’t trust you. I’m sorry I made you self-conscious for everything you’ve shared with me and that you feel like I don’t share enough with you.” She let out a sad little laugh that twisted his heart. “This is going to sound lame, but I honestly didn’t realize I wasn’t being as open with you as I thought I was. It feels like you know me better than anyone ever has, so I didn’t think to change anything. But now that I know how you feel, I want to work to be better at that.”

James shook his head and covered her hand. “No, Rose. I got caught up in my own head and in my frustration. You’ve shared more with me than I wanted to admit last night.” Jack’s words clanged around in his head. “I shouldn’t have expected the exact same level of sharing from you as I am comfortable with giving.”

“That’s not fair. I am comfortable with you…”

James cringed. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not accusing you of anything, Rose. Merely stating a fact. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or upset, I swear. I want you to be comfortable talking with me, and forcing you to talk about things you aren’t comfortable with is counterproductive.”

“Thing is, I was always going to tell you everything about Jimmy,” Rose sighed. “When he first texted me, it sent me into a blind panic and I sorta… shut down. I wanted to take the time I needed to get into a better place before sharing it with you. But I guess I didn’t realize how long it was since he first texted me.”

James stayed silent, letting her get her thoughts together. He twined their fingers together, happy to be able to sit and touch her like this, when for many long, heartbreaking hours in the wee hours of that morning, he had been sure that he would never be able to do so again. Her hand fit perfectly in his, and he knew that he would do whatever it took to make their relationship whole again, to make sure he could hold her hand for the rest of their lives.

When Rose began speaking, he gave her his full attention and tried to keep his emotions in check. He listened to her explain how Jimmy had texted her out of the blue, having gotten her number from a “mutual friend”.

“M’still not sure who gave it to him,” Rose said with a sigh. “He never told me and none of my friends claim to have done it.”

James listened to her describe the early conversations she’d had with Jimmy, from telling him that she needed time, to working through her anxiety with the help of Elsa and a counselor, to coming to the decision to let Jimmy say his piece.

“He was very important to me at one time. He was the love of my life. He was my everything. He will always be important and special because I genuinely loved him, and like it or not, my experiences with him shaped me into the person I am today. I don’t love him anymore, and frankly don’t miss him or want what we used to have, but if this would help him and me move on, I really wanted to let him say what he needed to say.

“He apologized to me, and it wasn’t even a terrible apology. Though he did make it sound like we both were at fault, but you know what, it was better than I was expecting, so I sorta took it as a win. I figured we were done, but then he wanted to know if he could repay me for all the debts he’d left me with. I can’t remember if I told you before, but he stopped paying his part of the rent at the end of our relationship. I got so behind on those payments because I had other bills to focus on that by the time I moved out, I was six months behind.

“I refused Jimmy’s offer. Told him everything was paid off and he didn’t owe me anything.” Rose sniffled and smiled ruefully, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “You know my money insecurities. I couldn’t stand the thought that he might use this as a way to control me again. So I shut him down.”

“Good for you,” James murmured, his first words in a while. “You don’t have to go on. It’s okay.”

But Rose shook her head. “I want you to know all of this. I want to come to you when—as Elsa puts it—shit ties up my brain. And my brain has been in knots for over a month. I want to be better with being okay about my thoughts sometimes getting tangled; I realized if I waited until my brain was calm to tell you everything, I would never tell you anything. I don’t want secrets between us, and I’m frustrated with myself that I unwittingly kept secrets from you. I can’t promise I will tell you immediately when something is on my mind, but I will make more of an effort to be more open with you. I wish I’d told you all of this sooner, but I can’t go back and change how I handled this, so let me tell you all of this now.”

James nodded and brought their clasped hands to his lips for a soft kiss.

“After I told Jimmy I didn’t want his money, I thought we were done. I didn’t hear from him for a few days, but then I got a text from him, a selfie with some of our old friends. A harmless group photo. Then he started sharing news from home. Or he would send me playlists. Stupid, innocent stuff we used to. He has really good taste in music and I’m always happy to have new songs or artists to listen to.

“We started chatting a little more regularly. Not daily, but a few times a week. A few messages at a time. He shared updates about his life, told me about going to drug and alcohol meetings, financial counseling, and so on. I told him about America and school. I didn’t tell him about you, though. It’s stupid, and I should have because I don’t think Jimmy realizes I’m not single, but you’re mine.” The word sent a thrill up James’s spine, and he couldn’t help but kiss her knuckles again. “You’re mine and I didn’t want to share you with him. I didn’t want anything of Jimmy to touch you. And I wasn’t trying to lead him on or anything. Or keep him a secret from you. But all of a sudden it’s been five weeks since he first texted.

“Then he sent me that letter. It came two days ago. I cried when I got it. I never gave him my address, so I panicked that he had somehow stalked me and found me, that he would be waiting at the university for me. And I was just… so defeated. I thought maybe he’d changed. Grown up or something. Stupidly, I thought maybe we could eventually be friends. But the only thing he wanted was for me to get back together with him.”

Rose’s tears dripped down her cheeks and her breathing hitched. James wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. She willingly leaned into him and sniffled quietly for a long moment.

“Did you really think that was a love letter?” Rose croaked.

“Pardon?”

“What Jimmy wrote to me. Did you think it read like a love letter?”

James sucked on the inside of his lower lip. He tried to remember the content of the letter, but his memories were all tainted with the pain of their argument.

“I don’t remember enough of it,” he confessed. “I’m sorry.”

Rose lifted her bum off of her chair, reaching into her back pocket to pull out a piece of paper that had been folded into eighths.

“Here,” she said, giving it to him.

Tentatively, he took it. Rose pulled herself out of his embrace and grabbed a tissue from the crumpled pile he had brought over.

As he reread the letter, his stomach twisted into knots when he picked out several words and phrases.

I’ve found a piece of myself…

I’m not complete…

I hate the person I am without you…

…happiest of my life…

…nothing more I’ve wanted…

…(our life?)…

You make me feel like I can do anything…

I love how I feel when I’m with you…

I was scared about how much I needed you…

…something I always knew would be there for me…

I know I can make it work this time…

…enjoy your time there, while you can…

…we can work harder together to make us work…

I will do whatever it takes to make this work…

Over and over, James read the letter, his mind picking up more of the tone and the sheer selfishness in it. Everything Jimmy said was about him, about how he needed Rose, without giving a thought about whether Rose wanted or needed him. He plainly admitted to taking her for granted, and still, after all this time, he acted as though he and Rose were equally at fault for how their relationship had ended.

How must it have sounded to Rose, for him to go off on her about the letter?

“Oh, Rose,” James breathed, “I’m so sorry. God, I was a twat, wasn’t I?”

She let out a watery giggle. “Yeah, a bit.”

“Can I ask…? How did Jimmy find your address? I mean. Do you even know how he found it?”

Rose’s eyes welled with tears again, even as she scoffed. “My mum.”

“Your… mum?” That had not been what James had expected. “But… why?”

Rose shook her head. “Apparently Jimmy went ‘round the estate. Found my mum and told her we’d been chatting. Said he wanted to send me money to help cover the bills I’d paid. He said exactly the right thing—when I moved back home, my mum kept telling me over and over that Jimmy should cough up the money to cover his half of the flat and the expenses that had built up.

“A couple weeks ago, my mum asked me if I’d been chatting with Jimmy. When I said yes, I guess she assumed I knew Jimmy wanted to repay me but I was being unreasonable.” Rose’s face crumpled. “I know my mum didn’t know how badly Jimmy had treated me, and that's my fault for not telling her. But what if he’d been a murderous stalker? What if he’d physically or sexually abused me? What if he used that information and showed up alone at my flat one night and broke in and…?”

She coughed out a wracking sob and buried her face in her hands. James nearly began crying at the sight of her distress. “How dare my mum give out my address like that? I never thought she’d do something like that. My mum called to wish me a happy birthday and I told her a little bit about why you and I were fighting, and she told me she was the one who gave Jimmy my address. I got so angry with her, and she was gettin’ angry with me. I’ve spent the day crying ‘cos I was fighting with my two favorite people.”

James tossed the letter onto the table and wrapped his arms around Rose, holding her tightly to his chest. He had never been angrier with another person than he was right now with Jackie Tyler. Well. Jackie Tyler and Jimmy bloody Stone. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Rose. I’m sorry.”

“Joke’s on Mum, though; Jimmy didn’t send a single quid with that letter.” Rose sniffled and scrubbed her hands across her eyes. “I hate this. I wish I’d blocked Jimmy from the start, I wish I’d told you when he texted, I wish I’d told my mum not to talk to Jimmy. I wish I’d handled everything differently, and I wish I hadn’t gotten so upset with you last night. I’m sorry, James. I’m sorry for it all.”

James tightened his hold around her, burying his face into her neck while she wept into his. “You have every right to handle situations however you think is best. I should have had more faith and trust in you and in our relationship. I was unreasonable. But I forgive you, love. Of course I forgive you. I love you. I love you more than you can imagine, and I’m so sorry I doubted it last night.”

Rose began crying harder into his shoulder. Her breaths came out in harsh gasps as she managed to reply, “I love you too. I’m sorry for putting the doubt in your head… when you asked if I was breaking up with you and I said I didn’t know. God, I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean it at all. I got scared too, same as you, and my brain sort of shut down because it couldn’t stop thinking of everything Jimmy had said or done in the past, and twisting it to look like what you were saying and doing. That’s something I need to work on because that’s insulting for me to imply that you’re anything like him, but I didn’t know what to do, so I pushed you out, and I’m so sorry.”

James merely held her tighter, his heart breaking at her agony, yet filling with more love for her than he’d ever felt before.

“You’re the strongest woman I know, Rose,” he murmured into her hair. “The strongest. You’ve overcome so much, and you’re working to make yourself the best version of yourself that you can be, and that’s so admirable. I am here to listen to anything you want to tell me, but I am okay with not knowing everything. I trust your judgement, and I know you’ll tell me what you want me to know.”

He continued speaking quietly, a combination of reassurances, affirmations, and words of love. She shed more tears than he’d ever seen her shed, and he shed just as many. He was exhausted and overwhelmed, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep for a very long time tangled with Rose.

When her tears finally dried, he pressed a lingering kiss to the side of her head before sitting back in his chair. He grabbed a tissue for himself and passed one to her; they noisily blew their noses and wiped their eyes.

“Well. Wasn’t that cathartic?” he said cheerfully, holding his hand out for her tissue to throw in the rubbish bin.

She chuckled. Though her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were splotchy, he didn’t think there was a more beautiful person in the world than her.

He washed his hands after throwing away their used tissues, then he grabbed a few more, just in case. His nose was still a bit runny, and he was sure Rose’s had to be too. He plopped into his chair with a groan.

“First fight,” he mused. “Can tick that one off the list, I suppose.”

“Was it everything you expected it to be?” she drawled, rolling her eyes.

“Admittedly it was a lot more painful than I thought,” he said. “But now we can go back to how we were, right?”

Rose paused. In the silence, his heart sank into his stomach.

“I don’t know if we should,” she said carefully, and his lungs were suddenly out of air. Her eyes widened. “No, not like you’re thinking. It’s just… everything we fought about, everything we talked about, it changed us. It changed our relationship. Not in a bad way, but it’s different now. We’re more aware of some things that we weren’t before. I don’t want to go backwards with you. I want us to go forward. Together.”

James nodded, shoulders slumping in relief. He slid his hand across the table, slipping it beneath Rose’s so her palm rested against the back of his hand. He splayed his fingers, letting hers fall between the gaps. She curled her fingers around his hand.

“You’re right,” he said, caressing his thumb along the side of her pinkie. “Absolutely, you’re right. Guess this means the honeymoon period is over?”

“Probably.” She flashed him a cheeky grin. “Hopefully we’re not over the horny hump though.”

“You’re never gonna let me forget that I said that, are you?” he whined, grimacing.

“Nope,” she said, popping the ‘p’ as he often did. “It was such a dorky thing to call it.”

He pouted. “You never complained about my dorkiness before.”

“I love your dorkiness. Doesn’t mean I won’t tease you about it though.” Her smile slipped until her face turned solemn. “I’m really glad we talked this out, James.”

He squeezed her fingers. “Me too.”

“Any time Jimmy and I had an argument, we never did this. We’d shout at each other, curse at each other, and then ignore each other and not speak for a day or so. Then we’d have angry make up sex and pretend everything was fine in the morning. I don’t want to ever do that again. I want to communicate with you and to compromise with you, then grow with you.

“Staying in love is a choice, and it takes work. It shouldn’t be hard, but it’s not easy either. We need to choose to stay in love, decide that our relationship is worth making an effort for. I want to wake up every day and choose you, to choose us, and I want to put in the work because I wanna enjoy the payoff. Because being in love with you, James… it’s the best I’ve ever felt. You make me feel like I can do anything, like pass a stupid chemistry class or tell my stupid ex-boyfriend to fuck off. I love the way you make me feel. I love feeling like I’m home whenever I’m with you. And though this home we’re building with each other might have a leaky roof every now and then, I wanna fix it with you.”

James’s eyes were burning again. How was anything even left in his tear ducts? “Oh, Rose. You make me feel the same way. And I feel so inadequate because you just waxed romantic poetry at me, but my brain has stopped working. But please know I love you with every cell in my body, and I want to keep loving you with every cell, all the way down to each little organelle contained within, every day for the rest of our long and beautiful life together.”

Rose grinned at him and leaned over to press a light kiss to his lips. They tingled at the contact, and he wanted to pull her close to kiss her again.

“You’re such a science geek,” she said.

“Well. I’ve already shown you I’m rather fabulous with many types of chemistry and anatomy,” he drawled, flashing her an over-the-top wink as he clicked his tongue lewdly.

She burst into a fit of laughter that he echoed, feeling at peace for the first time in twenty-four hours. The exhaustion of all those hours suddenly overwhelmed him. His laughter morphed into a yawn, which spread to Rose.

“I’m knackered,” he announced unnecessarily. “Will you come to bed with me? My bedroom’s a disaster, but the guest bed is made.”

Rose nodded and stood up from the kitchen table. She took their bowl to the sink and rinsed it out before leaving it there for them to clean properly in the morning. She then flicked off the light on top of the stove before she followed him through the rest of the house, locking up and turning lights off as they went.

“Can I see what you’ve done to your room?” Rose asked.

“Sure,” he said, continuing down the hall rather than peeling off into the guest room. When he got to his closed door, he warned, “It’s a mess.”

They were hit with the stench of paint fumes as soon as he opened the bedroom door. He flicked on the light, and the room was bathed in the yellow glow of his lamps.

“Love the color,” Rose said.

“Yeah?” he asked, pleased with himself that, even in his miserable, depressive state of trying to not think about Rose, he had managed to pick a color she would like.

“Mhm.”

“I have to put on the second coat. I’ll probably do that tomorrow—I’m not really feeling like going to my classes, so I’ll probably ditch ‘em again.”

“You rebel,” she teased. “If you want some help, I don’t have anything important going on tomorrow. And I don’t work this weekend. We can take a few days to finish up the painting and reorganize your furniture.”

James smiled. “I’d like that.”

“It’s a date.” She wrapped her arm around his waist and tucked her face against his shoulder. “Besides, it’ll go faster with two.”

Leaning down, James brushed a kiss to her crown then rested his cheek in her hair. “Faster with two. Better with two.” He gave her waist a tight squeeze as he kissed her again. “Better with you.”

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