#i have therapy in 45 minutes and i have to mask because im in my inlaws house

[lifeinthegladhouse]

listening to this cover of johnny and mary that's so amazing.

i looked out the window and realized id been so enthralled in being on my phone and writing,

that i was surprised to see clouds gathering for rain,

because it's been so warm lately.

i thought about a face my dad used to make, and this feeling of his presence that i sometimes dream about in a distorted and grotesque way

sometimes this happens in a fleeting moment, i cant hold onto it, it slips between my fingers, and when it happens,

i cry, and i try to catch the feeling, to sit in it, but i can't

and in that moment, i related to him again and wished i could tell him sorry

maybe something about the synth in the song, the small window im looking at

i thought of a steakhouse we went to as a kid. i didnt understand why we were there. if we were poor, how could he afford it? he was always so unhappy after work. he would say something, his eyes were so exhausted, he was so defeated, but like a steer pressing on to survive, he continued to do so. that's how i knew him, my entire life, until the day he died.

sometimes i feel a heavy tired pressing-on that makes me feel similar to him. and mom. it's a texas thing. especially when the clouds gather over the plains.

i think about the slow silence of white walls and isolation and negligence and being left alone, the sorrow of my childhood that is a snowglobe of pain and mystery, and a safe haven that no one can take away from me, in a fucked up way.

i live in perpetual fear of the future

and trapped in the snowglobe of pain of the past

i see a break of blue in the clouds and think of the windows 98 i grew up learning how to use faster than my parents, at a very early age. i was younger than 6, because we still lived in dallas.

i think about being autistic, and my parents.

texas, the 90s, the pre-social media-readily-accesible-information world

the slow way people were allowed to not know everything

and the way that life will never be the same

how i think about killing myself every day but i dont want to and hopefully never will

and then i think of my parents dying hollow

at least my fathers skeletal self looked more human than hers did.

i wish i could scream.

im so alone

i dont know if anyone will ever understand me

and this is why i want to die

sometimes

thinking it will preserve me into a framed art piece behind glass

forever

but it wont, it will be nothing.

and that isn't what i want.

i dont want to die.

[multismileee]

911 4X13 COMMENTARY (LITERALLY WHILE IM WATCHING IT) - this is going to be pretty long

The first call about the Bridezilla was so funny, the way that Buck just give out random information about makeup while everyone else is just staring at him like of course he knew that, the way Chim was ready to walk forward when they were doing the SPARTCUS moment, Hen holding him back, and Eddie’s “Good luck with the wedding” with a small thumbs up LMAOO 

Omg no, I hope that Hen’s mom is okay.

I’m glad they brought back Vanessa Marano, I love her.

David, Michael, May, and Harry playing charades... don’t touch me, they are so cute.

Uh oh, Bobby acting weird. I think he relapsed and started drinking again which would explain the need for the shower. 

Hahaha Hen’s mom not being a fan of any of the exotic food is so funny

OH NO, SHE COLLAPSED!!! Please, she better be okay.

I know this is not important but the way Hen matched her mask to her outfit... Icon 😍

SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK, THIS DOCTOR ABOUT TO GET THIS HANDS RATED E FOR EVERYONE.

The blatant racism is disgusting, I’m so glad that 911 is talking about this and how the doctor is clearly dismissive because she is a black woman and omg the comment on her weight ugh disgusting.

Eddieana gross, sorry I will never like them together.

Christopher is so adorable (also he looks so much older omg) and Eddie wanting the sofa to be perfect for the mystery guest, awww.

CARLAAAAAA YES I MISSED HER!!

Aww no Carla’s dad :(

“it’s easy being with her” yes because that’s what it should be like when you’re dating someone (I am totally being sarcastic if you cannot tell)

Carla is such a queen, “Make sure you’re following your heart, and not Christopher” AHHHHH, please manifesting an Eddieana breakup scene.

Aww the two cakes for the two birthdays they missed with Carla, I’m so soft!!

Omg the way he glances at Ana and Christopher like he’s thinking about Carla’s words :0

Oh no, Maddie is definitely not okay. She seems tired and just very withdrawn :(

That call was intense, I feel like there’s more to Charlie and the women that meets the eye.

I knew it, his shirt smelled like bourbon. Unless this is a whole misunderstanding, but it seems unlikely.

I knew something was off with Bobby during the pileup in episode 11 and that it was going to come up again.

Charlie and Christopher talking is so cute aw.

Suspicious, I have a bad feeling about his “mom”.

YES I LOVE HEN AND CHIM MOMENTS, their friendship is so cute.

Omg small backstory moment about Chim and his mom?? we love to see it.

Hen and her med school buddies trying to figure out what’s wrong with Hen’s mom is a scene I didn’t know I needed but I’m so glad we got it.

Omg not her collapsing again, and it being really bad. Let’s hope she didn’t rupture it because I cannot deal with Hen’s mom dying.

Jee-Yun is adorable, but I hate hearing her cry

Omg nooo Maddie probably thinks she’s a bad mom because she feels like she can’t help Jee-Yun stop crying and she already had doubts that she was going to be a bad mom because of her parents :( Buckley parents, if you see this, I despise you,

Hen going off on the doctor, period as she should.

“we” THE AUDACITY. How dare he try to take any credit for something he missed because he didn’t want to listen to the patient and that a group of med students caught in 5 minutes.

Chris wanting to give things away to help Charlie aww stop they are so cute.

Look I was never the biggest fan of Ana, she’s nice but seemed kind of bland as a character but she’s really pulling through this episode.

Yesss Ana, thank you for realizing something is up with this woman.

Poor Athena, she’s trying to be supportive but Bobby is being distant anyways :(

YAY HER MOM IS OKAY, LET’S GOOOO!

“I won’t be here forever” If this is foreshadowing Hen’s mom’s death, I am going to cry.

Omg no, She’s poisoning him with EYE DROPS!!! What in the world is wrong with her. I knew there was a reason they focused on the cabinet but I couldn’t figure it out.

I’m sorry but Charlie calling because his “mom” is choking due to the eyedrops is instant karma.

Uh oh, Athena following Bobby.. this never ends well. Um who is she????

Thank goodness they found out that Charlie was being poisoned.

Omg nooo Maddie, you’re an amazing mom. She needs to go to therapy :(((

THE DRUNK DRIVER?? Oh that makes so much sense, Bobby can feel for her.

Communication problems between Athena and Bobby, omg I hate it.

“Who said this marriage is working” I knew it was coming and it still hurt.

MY HEART DROPPED WHEN EDDIE GOT SHOT. I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT OH MY GOD.

Ngl I kinda thought that the “mom” was the shooter but I was wrong.

Can I just say that the way Buck froze is such a clear contrast to the last time (in Eddie Begins) when Eddie was buried, that time he was screaming and clawing the ground hoping to do something. In this episode, he froze and it was like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

If Buddie not canon then why have the 45 second shot of Buck and Eddie staring at each other, why have the camera focus on Buck’s reaction, why have Eddie reach out to Buck before he passes out?? Maybe i’m just a clown but it’s all adding up for Buddie canon.

Overall, I am an entire mess after this episode. I haven’t even watched the promo yet but I am terrified for the finale. Everyone is such a mess omg.  Also, I am currently in English class, watching and commenting on the episode instead of paying attention lmao.

[theblasianbarbie]

Omg help a bitch out what's you're routine??

alright yall!! okay just so yall know i have acne prone sensitive ass skin (also a lil oily) so i break out over everything and like this routine is just specific to my skin and even if ur skin is like mine this routine might not work for you its just my recs and what i use that really worked on my skin!!!

so in the morning its real simple i wear makeup almost everyday and before i started this routine i thought that that and living in NYC was why I was breaking out so much but its not??? lol Also I made a masterpost from websites I buy from for skincare!!

okay so in the mornign i was my face with AROMATICATEA TREE BALANCING FOAMING CLEANSER ($22) 

its pricey af but it WORKS WONDERS I was so scared to use it bc i  thought my skin would purge like it usually does when I switch cleanser but it didnt at all!!! Western cleansers have always failed me and left my skin in worse condition and this brand and everything on this website is Korean and has really improved my skin so quickly!! Also the bottle is pretty big and a little bit goes a long way, so  you do get your moneys worth.  Also you get $10 off if you use my link to buy it from this website. The product is described as:

A gentle foaming cleanser formulated with USDA organic aloe vera and tea tree oil to effectively remove dirt and makeup to leave skin feeling purified, fresh and toned without stripping away natural oils. Burdock and comfrey root extracts provide calm and hydrating effects. Geranium, bitter orange, bergamot essential oil scents add a stress-relieving factor. Ideal for oily skin types.

The aloe helped with the redness and inflammation a lot! like my face feels and looks so different omfg and I dont feel dry after using this like with other cleansers.

I use that cleanser on the MORIHATABINCHOTAN FACIAL PUFF ($15.50) and lightly exfoliate.

Again, pricey but worth it! In the past I used konjac sponges off amazon that worked pretty well but I feel liek this one works a lot better! I dont like using my hands to rub cleansers in and rotating brushes just tore my skin apart and this is perfect it leaves me feeling clean but not like completely stripped. Its amazing at removing make up too (which I will get into later). Also you get $10 off if you use my link to buy it from this website. The product is described as:

An all-natural facial puff made with Binchotan charcoal and Konjac root to very gently exfoliate and cleanse the face for brighter, healthier, radiant skin. Ideal for sensitive skin.

For toner I use BENTON Aloe BHA Skin Toner ($12)

I actually fucking bought this for $20 when its $12 online smh but what made me get this was how it mentioned protection/cleanliness from polluted air. Living in NYC, I’m exposed to that everyday and this really started showing results within days of using it. It’s aloe based which again helped with my redness and inflammation. My dermatologist told me to stay away from things were salclyic acid is the highlighted ingredient--this toner does use it but its not the main thing. Western toners from popular brands that used salicylic acid just left my skin feeling dry and stripped and I’d break out even more bc of them. This toner isnt drying at all!! Its gel like and feels a bit sticky on the skin but once it dries its super moisturizin.  Also you get $10 off if you use my link to buy it from SokoGlam! The product is described as:

Packed with ultra beneficial ingredients such as aloe and salicylic acid, this toner hydrates and preps your skin to help with the absorption of skincare products in the next step in your routine.

Aloe: Soothes, moisturizers.Salicylic Acid: Exfoliates, reduces sebum, and is anti-inflammatory which is great for acneic skin.Snail Mucin: Supports natural cell regeneration and replenishes moisture to increase firmness

For all skin types.

Next, I moisturize. Because I have horrible hyperpigmentation and terrible scars my derm recommended I use sunscreen or moisturizer with sunscreen during the day. So I use Simple Facial Moisturizer, Replenishing Rich ($10) and mix it with Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-Touch Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 100 ($7)

Simple Replenishing Rich Facial Moisturizer instantly doubles your skin's hydration. Simple's moisturizer works for up to 24 hours, leaving your skin feeling silky and nourished all day. Skin-loving ingredients replenish, soothe, and hydrate without the greasy feeling. And the formula doesn't contain any dyes, artificial perfumes, or harsh chemicals that can lead to skin irritation or clogged pores.

• Broad spectrum UVA/UVB protection• Water resistant (80 minutes)• Non-comedogenic (won't clog pores)• Oil free• PABA free

I put these on under my makeup. I like the Simple moisturizer bc like I said I have sensitive skin and its made for ppl with skin like mine and it doesnt feel heavy and I find that products with more natural products work better for me. You can get both of these at Target. 

After I moisturize , I spritz my face with the Mario Badescu Facial Spray with Aloe, Herbs and Rosewater ($12 on Amazon--Hautelook is having a sale on Mario Badescu right now tho!)

This Just makes my skin feel really awake and refreshed. I wait a few minutes to let it sink into my skin then I prime my face and do my makeup. Im a bit extra and use foundation with SPF in it for more protection lol. Product description: 

A refreshing, hydrating mist to use anywhere anytime. Simply formulated with fragrant herbal extracts and rosewater for a pleasant, pick me up for dehydrated, tight and uncomfortable skin.

All of these products have been key to keeping my skin moisturized, prior to using these my skin had dry patches and just didnt feel nice now its way softer and smoother.

NIGHT

OKay nighttime is when it gets REAL

First, to remove my makeup I use Palmers Skin Therapy Cleansing Oil Face ($8 at Target)

OKAY, THIS CLANSIG OIL!!! OMFFFFFG!!!!! LIKE YALLL SHE TAKES EVERYTHING OFF!! AND YALL I WEAR FULL COVERAGE THICK ASS FOUNDATION, CONCEALER, HIGHLIGHT CONTOUR AND LIEK CRAZY COLORFUL EYESHADOW EVERYDAY AND THIS BITCH TAKE EVERYTHING OFF WITH EASE!!!! I’ve tried cleansing oils before but this is the BEST one I have ever tried. I just pump it into my hand and rub it into my face til everything melts off lol. I rinse my face and do like one more pump just in case and rinse again. Like yall....everything COMES OFF. I bet my whole blog. I will delete if yall come to me saying this didnt help take your makeup off. It’s made with Jojoba and Rosehip oil which do wonders for removing makeup. Product description:

Removes Make-Up and Impurities

No Mineral Oil or Parabens

Deep Cleans and Brightens

Rosehip Fragrance

Okay, so after I rinse the oil off I go in with my Makeup Remover Towel (I got mine at Marshalls for $4 but you can probably find one online--it may be more expensive tho)

Okay, tbh the cleansing oil I listed above pretty much removes like up to 95% of the makeup. This cloth is fairly easy to use and honestly a better investment than makeup wipes. Makeup wipes again would leave my skin dry and irritated and only contribute to my breakouts. Even tho it doesnt seem like it, this can remove a lot.  Its easy to use, you just wet it, wring out the excess water and just wipe your face the same way you would with a regular makeup wipe. This removes any traces the cleansing oil didnt pick up (which is usually some mascara and left over eyeliner and some foundation around my neck). Once your done with that you just clean it with regualr soap and water! Like this is gentle on my skin and cleans up all the left overs. 

After that, I go in with my AROMATICATEA TREE BALANCING FOAMING CLEANSER ($22), I use that cleanser on the MORIHATABINCHOTAN FACIAL PUFF ($15.50) and lightly exfoliate which gets rid of any excess traces of makeup, dirt and oil. Then I go in with the toner I listed as well. Sometimes I’ll do a facemask and I dont really have a preference--I’ll link the masterpost I made of the skincare places I shop at and I recommend any masks from them.

Once all thats done, I go in with my [Ost] Original Pure Vitamin C20 Serum ($16 on Amazon....I paid $20 in the store 🙃) 

But yall this stuff really helps. I’m not seeing like results super fast but I’m feeling them and seeing them slowly over time and its only been two weeks so in a few months I’ll probably see more! But if you have dark spots, scars, and hyperpigmentation INCLUDE A VITAMIN C SERUM!!!! Also make sure you keep this one refrigerated or it will go back and stop working. If it is an orange color instead of clear it is bad and is not gonna work. I was originally recommended the Mario Badescu one which people RAVE about but its $45 however, if you wanna indulge Hautelook is having a sale on the brand.  But yeah, the serum not only helps with dark spots but really helped with the texture of my skin. Its a lot softer and more elastic.

OKay, after the serum I add my Curology prescription ($20 for a 90 day supply--your first bottle is free you only have to pay for shipping)

How this website works is, you submit pictures and talk about your skin concerns and you are matched with a certified dermatologist that describes you a medication based on your skin needs! I apply this every night then follow it with my Simple moisturizer and then my Mario Badescu spray. Here is their about:

In their dermatology practices, Dr. David Lortscher and Dr. Nancy Satur saw first-hand just how much our skin can impact our lives. They also observed that while personalized treatments offer the best results, it's difficult for many people to access a dermatologist. So they created Curology. Curology's mission is to treat acne and promote healthy skin with customized skincare prescribed by licensed healthcare providers.

But yeah this is my routine. Its only been 2 weeks but im seeing so many big improvements!!! I hope yall can find a routine that suits you using this as reference!