#i have sooooo much more to say about this but i’ll be way more articulate in a fic

[kakushigotofanclub]

Currently thinking about Senjuro turning 21 and realizing he’s officially older than his big brother ever got to be.

[yapsession]

Ughhjdhhshshei I miss him

Keb I miss you

Kev,,gh ,,, 💤💤💤💤💤💭💭

I love the way you talk, the way you articulate your sentences, your unique vocabulary; how your voice softens when you’re tired and I love hearing you say my name. Thats not much but it makes me feel special, why? It’s just my name! But he’s saying it, he’s saying!! It!!!! I love when you call me by those stupid nickname names, none of them even being remotely romantic but they’re funny and I can always appreciate your humor and jokes. How can I help myself! I can’t even calm my smile when I speak with you, I don’t even notice it sometimes because smiling has become my resting face when I speak with you. (which is great for my mental health but god, SMILEE LINESsss) Ohhhh and how I LOVE when I make you laugh, It fills me with this indescribable joy. Your laughter is just so, so beautiful and I want nothing more than to hear more of it. This is all so incredibly corny but I don’t think I could ever say this to him so I’ll just write it out. Guyssss, kevs normal speaking voice too is so scrumptious. Okay, listen and hear me out for a moment; when he speaks with me his voice gets a tad higher (nothing crazy but he speaks to me in this tone and doesn’t sound as tired ?)(

BUT (LET ME FINISHHHHH!!! GOSH WAIT CHAT

When he’s talking to anyone else (as I would describe, normal talking voice) his tone is more monotonous yet it sounds like he’s tired and god it’s hot. He’s probably call me a freak if I ever said that to him straight up but Jesus that man needs to know that his voice is sooooo attractive. I don’t remember if I actually did this or I dreamt it but I’m pretty sure I’ve told him on multiple occasions that’s I like his voice (?) I can’t be so sure since I speak to him during the night often and I am normally very dazed and tired during those hours so it is very hard for me to differentiate between dreams and shit that actually happened. OH GUYS LISYEN

It’s so attractive when he does this but uhm

When he tells me to continue speaking or when he encourages me to finish a phrase or sentence. Like oh my god have my kids. What …….

there’s nothing more attractive than a man listening likeee oh so you wanna get married and have three kids? ? Hahhahahah I need him.

Oooooo listen kev fans (me)

Okay when he stretches 🛐 yum, I could literally write a religion on how sexy that is

And

When he like ? Idk what’s the word, Murmurs??? Yeah, I guess? When he gets sleepy and speaks alll soft and he’s practically just murmuring all his words and i genuinely feel my heart literally about to fail because of what that does to me, like I jus tell him to not speak to me like that (I will have his babies) and he continues… to teaseeeee like mister you’re playing a very dangerous game but am I gonna stop him? No! Like, stop itttt!!! I won’t try to stop you though ❤️. OH AND WHEN HE GETS THAT WAY heeeee oh my goshshshshhs he calls my name sometimes and god it’s so attractive. Thinking about it right now makes my chest feel all funny. Im sad I didn’t get to hang with him today, if ANY gal hung out with him today I want that lucky b word to just idk I dony kneo have a good day 😕 lemme have my man tomorrow cause I miss him

Oh last time I called him right?

It was my brothers birthday (2 days ago) and I was doing my hair and some makeup since we were going out for his birthday, a simple look but I had a lot of distractions so it took a while to finish this simple ass makeup. He basically wanted to play Fortnite with me (cute, right???!) and I obviously accepted even though I was like in the middle of getting ready and we play like 3-4 rounds I can’t remember but I end up needing to leave!! (Sad but booo had to wait) and before hanging up I had to build up so much courage to call him by this stupid nickname (kevy boo) after I called him that he chucked (that sweeet laugh of his) and said bye. I honestly smiled so much after that, he didn’t call me nothin back but that didn’t matter! His reaction alone made me smile and I wanted to just blab to my whole family about how I called him that silly name. It wasn’t a big deal but I was happy I did it.

It honestly takes a lot of courage for me to do anything like that, I mean if we were dating I wouldn’t have such a hard time since oh he’s mine it’s okay but WERE not a thing so ofc I have to do mental gymnastics when I do something as simple as calling him a dumb nickname!

Oh and omg guysss that same day right? He went to go eat and I was just sitting, doing my makeup watching YouTube and talking to my older cousin and thw topic of him came up! And I was like oh yeah btw he’s just eating rn, i wish that was me and it was funny since we both looked at eachother flabbergasted.

But I’m mentioning this lil interaction cause moments after my cousin leaves to go do something downstairs so I’m just doing my makeup and watching my video and ooh! Kevs back and he says hey guys what are we talking about and his voice sounded …. Idk how to describe his tone but HE KNEW SOMETHING and I didn’t want to admit to saying some odd stuff just because i thought his tone was suspicious so I come up with some bullshit, I stutter like crazy and make myself look dumb. He probably knew i was lying cause it’s really hard for me to just lie to him, I mean I can lie but when it comes to him it’s hard to make it not obvious. Like I just fold

Oh I’ve folded a ton speaking to him

Because I find his voice so alluring and attractive i genuinely have moments where I have to take deep breaths to compose myself cause gahhhh dayum. I will say something inappropriate if I do not control myself and the rare occasion in which I do say some odd shit I want to just explode

GUYS HE TEXTED ME

ohmgh okay I’m done writing this teeheeehehheheheheh

[colorseeingchick]

Valentine’s Affections (Kageyama, Oikawa, Kuroo)

I adore Valentine’s day! Love is in the air and chocolate is in my stomach. But for you and these boys? Well... it’s a lil more complicated than that. 

A/N: We are going to completely ignore the fact that valentine’s day was a full 3 months ago. Love is always in the air on this blog !

Warnings: Light swearing? Maybe? Lotsa fluffy stuff beware cavities. 

Kageyama Tobio

Kageyama stares hard at the vending machine in front of him. Now, this was far from a new situation he found himself in- he found himself in front of this very vending machine every single day. But the stakes were much higher this time.

Strawberry, or chocolate? Which would be a better gift? 

Early on he decided against chocolates, cuz it felt too obvious. He opted out of a note, cuz he wasn’t articulate enough for that. And for the same reasons a verbal confession was completely out of the picture. So here he was, in front of the vending machine, hoping you would accept his love, or at the very least, the milk carton as a token of it. 

He decides on the strawberry milk, because the pink carton color reminded him of hearts, so he was hoping his love message would be real clear!! 

As he approaches you in the gym, he feels the nerves stir in his stomach. You’re surrounded by the other first years, excitedly chirping at Tsukki and Yamaguchi while Yachi and Hinata jump up and down around you (for what reasons, who knows) now that clean up is over. The second and third years weren’t that far away either. But he knew he’d have to do this sooner than later. 

Kageyama stands pensively behind you at a slight distance, awkwardly shifting weight back and forth between his feet. Finally, he finds the guts to call out to you. “Y/N...san.” Alright, maybe it was more like a mutter. No one had heard him, but Hinata had noticed his presence. 

“Kageyama! There you are.” 

All eyes shift to him, including yours. The heat rushes to his face as he hides the milk behind his back. “Boke! What do you want!” He only gets redder as his eyes meet yours. 

“Y/N-san!” He yells a bit too harshly. But you don’t flinch, you just smile. “Yes, Tobio-kun?” Gah, your voice is sweet as always, and he doesn’t even know what to say. 

Stepping towards you, he essentially shoves the milk into your hands before turning around and marching out the door. 

You stare at the carton quizzically, while the boys in the gym collectively let out a heavy sigh. 

“Was that… supposed to be a confession?” Daichi’s disbelief was evident.

“He does that every day though,” Hinata comments, clueless. 

“But today’s Valentine’s day, there’s probably more to it, right?” Ennoshita curious.  

“Of course that’s the way that idiot would do it.” Tsukki is snarky as ever. 

But you don’t hesitate to run back into the club room, a determined look glued to your face. 

“Y/N san! Where are you going?” Hinata calls. 

“Let them be, Hinata. They have something to take care of.” Suga has a glint of amusement in his eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kageyama tries to calm down as he aggressively drinks his chocolate milk. But he’s jittery all over when you pop up next him. 

“Tobio-kun, did ya really think you could just throw me a box of milk and then split? On Valentine's day? Tsk Tsk.” You smile as you move to stand in front of him. Words are far from his physical capacity at the moment, so he opts to just stare at you instead.

“But by the way,” you pull the carton from behind your back in your left hand, and shake it in front of him, “Accepted.” He feels his heart melt in relief. You understood what he meant. At least he thinks you do. You always understood him somehow, even though he wasn’t great at communicating. 

“And also…” Your right hand appears now, a small box of cutely wrapped chocolates snuggly fit into your palm, “this is for you. Please, accept it.”

His eyes go wide in shock. For some reason, this was not what he had expected (though everyone else knew it was coming). His heart now swells with an indescribable feeling that he never wants to stop experiencing. 

“And this too... unless you want me to stop...” He doesn’t know how else you could potentially make him fall apart more than he already had- but he got his answer when your hand grabbed onto his collar and tugged him down to your height. You placed a slow and gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Tobio-kun, I like you.” Yeah, his heart wasn’t ready for that one. 

Oikawa Tooru

“Thank you, Suki-chan!” “So sweet, Maki-chan!” “These are delicious, Haru-chan!” First period hadn’t even begun and Oikawa had already been swarmed with gifts. But despite the time he spent basking in the affections of his little fans, his eyes were trained on you, watching as you happily handed Iwaizumi a cute little box of chocolates. Oikawa saw how his best friend smiled, and he saw the way you buried your face into Iwa’s chest when he hugs you. He decides to ask you about it at practice. 

“Y/N-chan!! You know what day it is today!” 

“How could I forget when I see my favorite setter drowning in more chocolates than usual?” He ignores the unidentifiable tone in your voice and presses on. 

 “I saw you give Iwa-chan some~” 

“Yes I did.” 

“Sooooo~”

 “....so what?” 

“Where are mine?” 

“...I…”

 Iwaizumi steps in, his hand protectively grabbing your shoulder. “What’re you harassing Y/N for, Shittykawa. You got enough chocolates already didn’t you? No need to be greedy.” Your eyes are glued to the floor, but Oikawa just sighs and waves it off. 

“Sorry, sorry, Y/N-chan! I just figured your chocolates would be so tasty I was jealous Iwa got some~ but I’ll be waiting for them next time!” If only you knew, I would rather eat a single one of your sweets than all the other sweets combined.

He tries to forget the incident until he hears his doorbell ring at 9 pm. “Tooru! You have a friend who’s come to see you!” He’s surprised to see you waiting at his gate, face flushed, breath ragged, and hair ruffled.

 “Oikawa-san!” You say with determination. “Y/N...chan?” He walks towards you, confusion and concern clear on his face.

“Oikawa-san…” the confidence fading as he comes near. You look away from his face as you outstretched your hands, a cute, small pink box with a tiny bow on it in hand. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you chocolates earlier today….I just....” your hands retreat to your body, box still grasped. You look down at your feet once again, so you can’t see his eyes go wide. “I thought about making you some sweets yesterday but, I always knew you had so many fangirls and I didn’t wanna get in their way, or worse, make you see me as one of them… so I didn’t. I’m sorry. I, I didn’t consider you would feel left out. So I made these for you after school! Will you please accept them!” 

You look up at him finally, only to see tears streaming down his face. “Oikawa san? Are you okay? I’m sorry if I said something that-” 

“I’m sorry Y/N-san, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. But are they really for me?”

 “Mhm!” You hand them over, in anticipation of what he would do next. He opens the box, pops a chocolate into his mouth, and then smiles. 

“Just as I expected- it’s perfect.” He steps towards you once again, and wraps his arms around you, tightly. “You’re nothing like the rest of them, yanno. You’re very special to me.” 

Kuroo Tetsurou

“Happy Single’s Awareness day!” You sing-song at the boys standing in front of your gate, the sun peeking out over the horizon. 

“Just jumping over Valentines, then?” Kenma asks you, his face hidden in his switch. 

“Yep! Nope! Not for me~ don’t need a valentine!” You’re carefree as you stroll ahead of the two of them, hands thrown behind your head. “Giving Valentine’s are dumb. Right, Kuroo!”

Kenma takes his time to pull his nose away from his switch to let his cat like gaze fall on his best friend, who’s been awfully quiet this morning. He knows why. 

“Do you agree, Kuroo?” He asks, probing. 

“...Yep. What type of headass buys into Valentines-” He criticizes. 

Kenma knocks Kuroo’s bag with his elbow, his gaze transforming into a glare. You do, Kuroo. No chickening out. 

Kuroo’s grasp on the bag resting on his shoulder tightens, well aware of what he has to do. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After school was over and practice was done, Kenma got dropped off at home because he wanted to go home early, for some reason. So now it’s just you and Kuroo, laying on the hill by the bridge, bathing in the hues of orange and pink as the sun sets slowly. 

You stretch out on your back, relaxing onto the grass underneath you. “Man, did ya see all those idiots handing out valentine’s? So cheesy.” You close your eyes and pull your hands up to cushion your head, turning your chin up. Kuroo rests on his elbow, angled so that he can watch you as you talk, his hand scratching his head soothingly.

“ Who wants dumb chocolates anyways? You think these chicks would get sick of all the chocolates they get. Hmph.” He watches as your mouth twitches down, eyes squeezed tight. 

To be fair, both of you were acting...different today. Kuroo can read you like a book, and even how he can still pick out the unease you’ve been tryna hide all day. But his own nervousness and jitters keeps him quiet. 

As you both sit in silence, stewing in your feelings, Kuroo lets out a deep sigh. Now or never. You hear him rustle in his bag as he pushes something over to you. You open your eyes to see a small box by your shoulder with a cute lil cat sticky note pressed onto it- reading, “be Mine, Valentine? :3” 

You freeze for a second, processing what he pushed over to you. You look up at Kuroo, who’s now turned his back to you, sleeping on his side. 

You open the box and find a cute cat bracelet inside. “Kuroo?” 

“You’ve been trashing valentine’s chocolates for a while now- so I figured I’d get you something better. It’s cheesy, I know. Don’t “at” me.” He stays, turned away from you. 

You take your time to pull the bracelet out the box, letting heat rise to your face. 

“Did you do this just because…? To make me feel better, or-”

“Still a headass huh.” He finally turns around, and you’re glad to see that his own face is as red as yours feels. 

“Kuroo… do you, like me?”

“Damn, you’re gonna make me say it huh?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah I like you. Now hurry up and reject me so we can go back to being normal and I can get over my damn nerves. I hate not being myself.” He mutters as his lips twitch into a pout as he rests his bedhead into the grass, hands caressing his neck. 

You take a second before crawling over to him, watching him in silence. 

“You’re an idiot, too, ya know.” He peaks one eye open, to give you a questioning look. “Now help me put this bracelet on.”

“You like it?”

“I love it. I’m never taking it off.”

“You serious?!”

“Of course I’m serious.”

His Cheshire grin breaks out onto his face as he sits up, closing the gap between you two.

“Oh? Does someone like me back?”

“Yeah someone does. Now are you gonna help me or not.”

In that moment, you don’t think anything can compare to the sheer joy in Kuroo’s eyes as he carefully clasps the bracelet onto your wrist, wrapping his strong fingers around yours.

Copyright © 2021 Colorseeingchick. All rights reserved. Do not repost or copy.

[seijorhi]

asks :)

once again, i’m terrible at answering things :)

First off, your newest Kuroo story WRECKED ME. OMMMMMG LIKE IT'S SOOO FUCKING GOOD. You are one of the most incredible writers ever, like professional style writing. These should be books and you should get paid for it, honestly. Your skill is totally unmatched, my friend. I just adore everything you write. I had two questions thou about the story, just because I am totally obsessed by it- so has Kuroo been obsessed with her since he saw her, I'm like curious how his obsession started 

like is it because she's young and he's interested? Cuz I totally got the vibes at the party that he was showing her off like she was his girlfriend and he seems like he has been wanting her for awhile. I was just curious about how it started cuz god I'm a simp for yandere kuroo- boss man Kuroo would make me weakkkkk. My second question is so is he like obsessively in love with her or is it like just a this hot piece of ass is mine to fuck kinda thing? Like does he want a relationship?

anyways, I love you and I love your writing. Everything you write is legit perfection! Thank you for all your beautiful stories you share with us! - Kai

first of all, whomst gave you the right to be so damn sweet???!?! dsgsjkl thank you, bby!

so, like with all my fics i kind of have a ‘read into it how you want’ thing going for it. whether or not kuroo actually has ‘romantic’ (i use that word loosely) feelings for the reader or whether he just enjoys fucking her because he’s in a position of power and she’s easily manipulated is left a little up to your interpretation and how you’d prefer to imagine it. however, having said that there are little hints throughout the fic that imply that there’s a little more depth to kuroo’s feelings. you’re not wrong with the whole ‘showing her off’ vibe at the party, and there’s mentions of confessions that kuroo gives while he’s fucking the reader - also the title of the fic, invidia, means envy in latin. so take that how you will 🤷‍♀️

and as far as how it all began, i like to think that it was kind of a slow build. again it’s implied that kuroo has met the reader (however briefly) a few times before - at games as nekoma’s manager, when she initially was introduced as his girlfriend and she has stayed over at their place in the past. it wasn’t so much a singular moment, but kuroo’s definitely been paying more attention to her than she realises. 

WHAT WHAT WHAT???? RHI UHMMM WAS KUROO IN LOVE WITH THE READER???? 👀👀👀👀 HOLY SHIT. I'm honestly mind blown rn like I have a lot of questions like did Shin know? Was he also into it? Omg the idea of Father and Son sharing reader...

(also I def did not hope that Bokuto was also there cuz that would have be fun....oppsss)🙊

hehehe

no, shin didn’t know but oh can you imagine the betrayal if he did? if he willingly set up the reader to be fucked by his dad 👀god damn

adsfgdhjfkfl there was a moment i genuinely considered having something more happen at the christmas party where bo would stumble across and one thing would lead to another.... but i decided not to go that route. this one needed to be solo kuroo haha

Rhi, what can I say, amazing as always!

ahhh thank you sm, bby!

Hi i absolutely love the kuroo fic at first no one would actually notice he was into and then story actually rises nicely however i would like to ask like what happens later im sorry im a little burnt out from my mountains of assignments that i cant think of a possible aftermath since the story had an open ending but yeah what happens later after the whole scene does y/n stay there for the 7 days and get r*ped again or she goes home early and like what happens to kuroo and shinsuke im sorry for annoying you with questions its fully up to you whether u would like to answer or not :-)

aw, thank you! I hope your assignments and stuff are all done? And pls bby, you’re not annoying me at all 💕💕💕

Honestly again, it’s kind of left up to what you like to think would happen, but personally I think that the reader stays, because there’s no easy way to get out of that situation without raising suspicion - which means that she then has to spend the next week trying unwittingly playing cat and mouse with Kuroo who’s gonna use every damn opportunity he has to push your boundaries 👀

Duuuuude invidia fucked me up! Like fuck, lol! The build up was so spectacular! It makes me wonder two things: how did kuroo’s obsession start, and what would shin have done if he caught them (and why do I feel like he’d join in... I guess it runs in the family lol).

I loved it sooooo much and im also so creeped out lol. Can’t trust other people’s dads. Everything about it was perfect!

glad you liked it, bby!!

shin’s a good boy and he genuinely loves the reader, but i think if he did stumble across the two of them he’d just shut down and walk away. it’d be the biggest betrayal in his eyes - it wouldn’t matter if you were drunk or he was, who came onto who - the two most important people in his life going behind his back would just break him :( and i think he probably wouldn’t give either of them a chance to explain

but if we’re talking degenerate shin... 👀👉��

imagine if invidia! reader gets pregnant and Shin thinks it’s his, but its actually his dad’s 🤭

oooh kuroo would be such a smug little shit - he’d get extra touchy feely with the reader, drop ‘casual’ hints, basically doing everything outside of straight up admitting it to him, just to see how far he can push until shin starts to doubt whether he’s actually the father - when it’s just the two of you though... i think he’d be a little softer - but equally as possessive - you’re his, and so’s the kid growing inside of you

Kuroo: son do you know what a cuck is? Shinnosuke: no? Kuroo: wOULD YOU LIKE TO FIND OUT - @south-korea-cakes

dagshjskl i snorted when i read this but you’re not wrong lmao

hi rhi! i have a question about Lion’s Den! did oikawa purposely set the reader up to witness his true nature? or was it chance that she saw him kill?

no - i think he’d rather have kept you in the dark a little longer and tried to let things develop ‘organically’ but he’s not upset that you did find out the truth - gives him an excuse to move things along and take what he wants 👀

hey rhi:) soo my boyfriend of two years just broke up with me and so far a major comfort has just been rereading your stories. something about feeling desired, ya know? anyway, thanks for making me feel a little better <3 - @theofficialhufflepuff

aw i’m sorry to hear that :( i’m glad my fics can help make you feel a lil better - sending love bby! 💕

omg i adore everything in the soulmate series hello !! would any of the soulmate pairings ever end up feeling lowkey competitive w/ the other?? like all of them seem to mutually respect the other but would there ever come a point where smth pushes them into trying to outdo ur other soulmate when it comes to ur affection?

also have i mentioned how much i love ur writing bc i love ur writing

hmmm, not so much with oikawa & iwa or ushijima and tendou because i think they have pretty rock solid relationships with each other prior to the reader coming along - if they did it would only be minor stuff

the twins on the other hand - good fucking luck with them because they’ll turn everything into a competition. the moment one twin thinks you’re favouring the other too much expect to get dragged across the room and forced to spend ‘quality time’ with the other. it’s all very petty and exhausting and there is no possible chance for you to win. but thank you sweetheart!!

tonight im thinking about The Final Girl! boys forcing you to share a bed with them for the first time. With Kuroo’s face buried in the crook of your neck, one big hand palming your breast for good measure, Bo holding onto your waist, and Kaashi’s legs tangled with yours. its suffocating, really😪😓

asdgdhjdkdl suffocating? yes. now where do i sign up?? 🥺

you are so talented in writing it's crazy!! just the way you articulate things is ugh *chef's kiss*. i hope you are doing well and not receiving hate 🥺 ily pls

ahhh thank you so much, messages like these always make me so happy! ily bby! 💕

more karasuno first years soon? 👀

who’s to say?? i don’t have any full fics planned but maybe some concepts and thirsts??

if you make a yandere msby fic i’ll literally lose it i love your writing

👀i am considering it

[tumblebee-the-smol-bean]

What about another classification universe but everyone is a cg. Everyone but Logan. Logan's on the baby side of regressing and once he found out (he's younger then the rest) he hid. The others had already subconsciously been babying him. He breaks down one day when him and Roman get into another playful fight and everything comes to light. Maybe he has an accident and tries so hard to prove he's big but the others aren't having it and baby him to no end.

.””okie dokie! this took sooooo long to get out. apologies but motivation to write is hard, I appreciate the ask. (:

Logan sat in his living room staring blankly at the TV as it played a nature documentary he’d seen a thousand times. He’d gotten his letter today. Everyone else had gotten theirs a year ago since they were all older than him. Thats just what happens when you’re in highschool and have a summer birthday.

He’d known what he was going to get of course, in terms of class. He’d picked up on his own tendencies and the questions were fairly obvious, at least to him. No Logan wasn’t shaken up because he got classified as a regressor, he’d known that would be the result for quite some time. What freaked him out was how young his age range was estimated to be.

0-18 months. That didn’t even reach the two year mark. It was ridiculous, he was clearly intelligent, he had aced all of his classes thus far, being a baby just didn’t make any sense. He sighed to himself, perhaps a mistake was made, that happened sometimes, he would go back and get retested as soon as possible, perhaps swing the questionnaire just to make sure.

While he was thinking about it his phone pinged and he glanced over at it reflexively, a message from patton.

Hey kiddo! Congrats on getting your classification today! I’m so so so excited for you!!! Why don’t you come over and we can talk about it? Ro and Dee are here too.  :D 

Logan shook his head, of course. He should have expected a message such as this. Patton was a caregiver as was everyone in the group it seemed, everyone except him...As such they tended to all baby him without really thinking about it even though for all they knew he could have been a caregiver himself. 

Roman would always try and defend his honor, whatever that meant, Virgil tended to be overprotective of Logan and very cautious around him and for him, Janus would always be the one to convince him to take a break from his much overdone essay and take a nap, Remus didn’t threaten to disembowel him at the drop of a hat, and Patton while he acted as everyone’s father figure to an extent was always much more so with Logan.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to go over and “discuss” seeing as he didn’t know how he felt about it himself, he knew it was unlikely Patton would drop it seeing as they seemed to have these discussions every time someone in the group got classified, something Patton’s psych major brother Emile had recommended. Logan had always been behind it, it made logical sense, but just not with himself. Sorry. I cannot as I am busy, my apologies.

Then he locked his phone, he didn’t feel like getting in a texting war with Patton asking about his feelings. He suddenly felt very very drained. It was time for a nap.

oOo

Logan woke up to 20 missed messages and a knocking at the door. He groaned, whoever it was could- “Lo? It’s Patton. are you in there?”

of course Patton had come to check on him. No doubt Virgil convinced him something terrible had happened but he really wasn’t in the mood right now. He swung open the door to tell him he was fine and to go away and let him sleep but before he could Roman, who apparently had come with him as well as Janus pushed his way past him into his house.

“Roman! what are you doing?!”

He snorted “Well I’m coming in and making myself comfortable for the chat obviously. Shame on you for scaring Patton like that.”

Logan purses his lips. Of course Roman was doing this. He always did. It wasn’t fair! He felt like stomping his foot for a moment before realizing how ludicrous and unhelpful it would be. “Roman, kindly get out of my home. I have no intention of discussion, my class is my business” well at least it was out in the open now. “Lo...” Patton had shuffled in behind Roman and looked torn between apologizing for the dramatic one’s behavior and having a ‘talk’ with Logan. Janus puts a hand on his shoulder to stop this. “Hold on a second dear Patton, their banter always is fun to watch.” Patton looks very disapproving at him for that but its too late, the playfight has already started. “Ohoho! So the nerd wants to be all secretive huh?” Roman smirked “Roman, I am not in the mood” Logan glared “Go home and take Patton and Janus with you” he turned around to go back to his room. “goodbye”

“Awww, but that’s no fun!” he smiled and it looked as mischievous as one of Remus’s which Logan decided was definitely worrying and not at all comforting “Buuuuut I bet you hide all your stuff in a boring place...under your bed maybe? If you won’t tell me maybe I’ll just have a little look-see” he dashes off in that direction before Logan can do anything. Patton dashes after him. “ROMAN NO!”

A cold feeling seized in Logan’s chest. This didn’t feel playful anymore, at least not to him. Normally he would stop Roman himself and proceed to yell at him and berate him for a half hour but now...He broke down sobbing and fell to the floor. someone is saying something. His ears told him. Someone is saying your name, someone is crying, oh wait...that’s you. “Logan?” Janus tried. The boy had just collapsed and started wailing, he knew things were getting heated but he never expected this reaction from him unless....of course.  “Logan darling, its okay,” he put on his caregiver voice and cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder to try a bit of physical contact “Shhhhh, shhh, love it’s okay, you’re alright.” 

“N-no! gonna, f-fin me out!”

“oh sweetheart” Jan sighed “I think we already have” He began to cry harder upon hearing that and Janus was quick to move to the couch with him as Patton finally emerged from Logan’s bedroom with a very guilty looking Roman after stopping him from snooping.  “Oh poor thing!” he cooed and rushed over “Aww, I’m so sorry baby, Ro didn’t mean to make you sad. He shouldn’t have done that” he shot a pointed glance at Roman “But he didn’t mean to hurt you little star, how old are you baby?”

Logan raised his head from where he had burried it in Janus’s shirt and blinked owlishly at Patton.

“mmm” “well that wasn’t exactly an answer” Roman mumbled only to yell “OW! Hey!” when Janus swatted him atop the head “Do try not to be stupid right now Roman, we need all the braincells you have to take care of this one, and that was an answer, since he didn’t respond with actual words he’s obviously a baby. Patton will you go get a few of the supplies I keep in my car?” Patton nodded and went to go do as requested while Logan frowned. He wasn’t a baby, he couldn’t be a baby. He was supposed to be smart. He was Logan Berry. He was not a baby. So he pushed himself as far as he could out of that warm soft space. Turns out he couldn’t push very far since he ended up in the mindset of a toddler. “Not a baby!” he insisted to Janus, with what said side personally thought was an adorable pout. “Oh no?” he raised an eyebrow, two seconds ago Logan wasn’t even forming words and now he was in an arguing mood it seemed. “Well color me surprised, are you by chance repressing your headspace Logan”

Crap Janus was onto him and his friend was scarily good at detecting lies. Still, he had to try, 

“Noooo”

Janus tutted, “Thats what I thought, why are you doing that to yourself little one? You know we don’t mind you being extra small.  But that was just it wasn’t it? Logan started to tear up again. Why couldn’t he have just been an older regressor? Preferably nine or ten. That would be so much easier and he wouldn’t feel so helpless and stupid. However when he tried to articulate that all that came out was, “Don wanna be extra small!” Janus to his credit didn’t even seem remotely phased. “And why is that?”

“Cuz m’ Logan! supposed to work hard nd be smart”

Janus nods along for a moment before he turned his gaze back to Logan and without missing a beat asked,  “And have you ever considered the fact that you work so hard is why you regress so young?”

He blinked, he hadn’t but...it did make sense. “And therefore you regressing so young is a good thing and very clever of your subconscious”

Logan could have a thousand arguments to that, could debate his way out if he really wanted to and insist he didn’t need it but...now that someone had shown him affection and assured him they didn’t mind...he didn’t want to. He just wanted to return to that soft happy place and let all his worries melt away, let someone else worry for him for a change. So he nodded and let go, let himself slip back and just relax and bask in the care.

“There you are baby” Janus cooed with a smile as Patton returned with the gear. He waved at Logan and smiled, taking him from Janus. “Hey there baby boy! you wanna get in some comfier clothes?” Logan whined, suddenly realizing his tie was very uncomfy around his neck and pawed at it causing Patton to giggle. “I’ll take that as a yes. Don’t worry kiddo, lets go raid your closet yeah?”

Logan nodded and Patton made sure to keep a tight hold of him as he carried the boy to the bedroom where he shyly picked out a pastel blue sweatshirt with floppy sleeves and mathematical patterned pajama pants to wear. Patton cooed over him the entire time and about how cute he was in the ensemble. “Such a cute lil math baby!”

by the time they returned to the living room Janus had everything set up. There was a big soft blanket spread out with multiple baby toys like keys, soft toys, building blocks etc. Logan was immediately reaching for the blanket, but then he was whining as Roman pulled his hand away from his mouth. huh, when had that gotten there?  “Fingers are yucky little prince, try this instead” A pacifier was gently pushed into his mouth as a substitute and he sucked on it experimentally. Luckily he deems it acceptable and flops twoards the blanket again where Patton sets him down. He immediately heads for the shape puzzles.

The three watch him for as long as he needs. He’s played with, cooed over, and snuggled within an inch of his life. When the day comes to a close and he’s still regressed Janus holds him in his lap and feeds him a bottle before Roman tells him a bedtime story and Patton tucks him in. Logan loves them all so much, and he knows they love him too. 

[wanna-b-poet31]

A (maybe) 4-part meta on Good Omens: Part 1: Aziraphale’s Abuse and Trauma

SOOOOO I promised myself I wouldn’t get too obsessed with Good Omens but I’ve got some meta-thoughts. 

So, it’s no secret that abuse is prevalent in Good Omens, but the methods of abuse are interesting ultimately working as a catalyst for how Crowley and Aziraphale interact with humans, Heaven, Hell, and each other. 

Several of the characters we see in Good Omens are traumatized by the time we meet them, although some more than others. For example, Newt, for what little we see him is clearly ostracized by everyone around him and he shows signs of trauma via isolation. Until the end of the world, it’s heavily implied that he’s bullied, if not dismissed from the rest of the world due to his explosive tendencies with computers. He’s not shown to have healthy coping skills with the isolation, and although it is ultimately good he doesn’t get his job, and works with Shadwell, and meets Anathema, but he’s unable to express himself in a healthy way or handle his past.  Similarly, due to the stress of saving the world, Anathema is traumatized by the expectations of her family, of being a “descendant” of Agnes Nutters.  

But, both begin recovery journeys by beginning to assert their own needs and well-being. Newt begins forming real, relationships and coping with his loneliness by making friends and Anathema defies her family’s obligation by burning the letters. Overall, it’s a straightforward approach to begin recovering from traumatic events. 

However, Crowley and Aziraphale do not have quite as straightforward a narrative. 

Heaven is unbending. It is clear to both of them that God and her representatives punish independence, asking questions, and having any defined version of a “self”. 

Look at the photo below. It’s an environment that (per my last post) is cold, abusive, and really, isn’t a functional space. Nothing can get done reasonably in here. There aren’t any personal touches and it makes the space devoid of any sense of home. AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HEAVEN, land of milk and honey Heaven. It’s not just bland, it’s much more insidious than that. It’s false transparency, a “nothing to see here” mask that the angels use to belittle, attack, and intimidate each other. 

Then there’s the messy business of the dogmatism Heaven follows that affects Aziraphale throughout the series. We see it first in the garden that questions (a la Crowley) lead to abandonment. The fear of falling, of knowingly being discarded by people/entities that supposedly love one another is a violent space to grow up in and incentivizes the remaining angels to keep their head down and not question actions that are clearly wrong. It is Crowley who asks why it would be okay to kill kids (because it’s clearly wrong) to which Aziraphale responds: “I’m not consulted about policy decisions”. It’s clear that 1000 year after the garden he’s internalizing his conditioning. 

His behavior, especially coming from THE angel who gave away his flaming sword without any hesitation and then LIED to God about it, shows that he clearly knows right from wrong is jarring. But, it’s unsurprising, given the abusive place he is attached to. Heaven’s love for him is conditional and wholly dependant on him being able to do as he’s told, not what might be right. 

It’s also clear that Aziraphale is being abused during the events of the series. While not always physically violent (although I’ll get to that in a second), he is continuously belittled and degraded. 

Take a look at Heaven’s least favorite Asshole: Gabriel

When we are introduced to Gabriel the first few things out of his mouth are insults. Although we’ve had Aziraphale for only like 5 seconds and we already can tell how passionate he is about food. Aziraphale is eating sushi, presumably a favorite food given his familiarity with the chef, and taking some time for himself, and like a good family member offers some to his “fellow”, his “ally”, an entity who supposedly had his back. When the food is refused, it’s presented with a dismissive tone and called “gross matter” that would “sully” his body.  This is is a smack in the face to Aziraphale and he quickly lies, saying he’s only eating to keep up appearances. This shutdown of interests and likes pushes Aziraphale to be like Newt, ostracized from people who are supposed to be his friends. Then, like Anathema, his exposure to the “great plan” and what is expected of an angel is villanizes his interests, causing him to feel shame and associate his individuality and sense of the self with “wrong” or “broken”. 

This differs greatly from how Crowley and Aziraphale meet. Although we see Crowley tempt eve, they talk to each other as equals and Crowley does the one thing Heaven has never done -- tell him he’s doing a good job. There is no harm in eating or enjoying eating but he’s being treated like he’s committing some kind of sin. Crowley, in contrast, reaffirms Aziraphale’s actions and helps relieve his concerns. Gabriel, instead, aggravates his anxiety.

Then, we see Gabriel do one of the more insidious discreditings of Aziraphale’s sense of self at the bookstore.  Whereas Crowley is able to tell when there are new books in the shop and knows that losing the shop is a significant loss for Aziraphale, Gabriel can’t be bothered (more on that at the end). At some level, it’s his disdain for humanity that makes him indifferent at best about the bookstore. But, his disregard for Aziraphale’s livelihood, something that is a clear point of pride and joy, is belittling. He is demanding that Aziraphale drop everything he loves to fight the great war, and while asking to fight is not intrinsically abusive (Crowley too asks Azi to join him and fight), the dynamic is not of equals with the same motivations, rather it is clearly meant to be talking down to Aziraphale. Gabriel sees no value in the shop or his “brother” and if he can’t see it there must not be any. The blow to Aziraphale’s emotional state is apparent in the grimace he gives the two angels. 

Even when Aziraphale, (who does his best to uphold what he has been conditioned to be “right” and after many millennia has grown to trust Gabriel despite no reciprocation) DOES go to Heaven with a plan, news about where the anti-christ is and how to stop it, or push him to be neither satan no saint, he’s met with more belittlement. None of the angels at the meeting believe that Aziraphale can accomplish his goals, but worst than that, none of them are willing to give him the support he needs to achieve his goal. Sure they don’t smite him where he stands for purposing an alternative to the end of the world, but that’s not the same as being a support system he can rely on. He can’t even voice here the reasons why he cares so deeply about Earth or why they may be wrong. He is not their equals in their eyes. 

You can also see it at the park when Gabriel and Aziraphale are running, and Gabriel punches his stomach, telling our adorable angel he needs to lose the gut, devaluing Aziraphale’s worth further. Even the face he makes in the gif below is filled with condescension. He’s not taking Aziraphale, or Aziraphale’s concerns seriously. 

Which brings me to the final nail in Heaven’s abusive coffin via Gabriel. The intended violence of his “sentence” is meant to, like the fall, strike the fear of abandonment, disownment, and death into Aziraphale. There is no scenario (except the one we see) where Aziraphale is meant to make it out of Heaven alive. 

After Armaggeddon’t Gabriel, who knows Aziraphale’s intentions of diverting the apocalypse, if perhaps not the rationale, is pleased to belittle the restrained Aziraphale. There is legit joy in his face when they force Aziraphale to walk into the hellfire. 

In the above gif, you can see that not only is he being verbally abusive, throwing ill-intent insults at Aziraphale, but that he fully expects the fire to kill his supposed brother and PLEASED about it.  

LET ME REPEAT THAT. The place/people who Aziraphale is supposed to love, trust, and be loyal to are ready, and happy to, drop him at a moment’s notice. At this point, considering the layers of abuse already outlined, Aziraphale’s insistence that he can’t be on Crowley’s side because Heaven wouldn’t like it is symptomatic of someone who is longing for a genuine, honest connection and has been “raised” to believe that is Heaven, no questions allowed.   

this is not to say Heaven isn’t above physical abuse towards Aziraphale.

I’ve seen some excellent metas floating around dissecting the Crowley vs. Aziraphale  and the Angel’s vs. Aziraphale “intimidation” (although I can’t find them now, please @ them if you know them) and the bottom line is that Aziraphale is terrified by Uriel and her legion of Angels much more than Crowley ever could. Aziraphale is damn well aware of how violent the angels who aren’t even touching him can be vs. his calm response to Crowley pushing him against a wall. 

Which brings me back to Crowley and Aziraphale. Although I can (and will) do another one of these on Crowley, and dive deeper into the implications of their relationship and the closure they need/got by being on their own side. I want to take a second to articulate just how much Crowley does not (try) to do be this way to Aziraphale. 

I maintain that Crowley, is aware of Heaven’s abusive tendencies due to his fall and the subsequent fear that must have caused other angels, I do not think he’s aware of the levels of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse that heaven throws Aziraphale specifically. The way Aziraphale talks up heaven, you’d suspect he was getting awards left and right, or at least some semblance of respect. But no. In stark contrast to Gabriel, Crowley will entertain Aziraphale’s interests/passions like food and books even if they aren’t something he indulges in often himself. Whereas I said earlier Gabriel dismissed the bookshop and presupposed it was something Aziraphale would be able to drop like a rock, Crowley KNOWS that Aziraphale cares so deeply for his books, his food, and his identity as an angel, that losing any of them would be unbearable. Although Crowley pushes and sometimes goes too fast for Aziraphale, he’s not approaching Aziraphale in bad faith. 

Of the 10 observed historical meetings, we see Crowley initiate at least 6 of them (it could be said the Victorian meeting is also Crowley’s doing, but the jury is out about who called that particular meeting as Aziraphale walks toward Crowley first in that scene). We also see Crowley go out of his way to do things that make the Angel comfortable and does not once break his trust. Although he storms out 3 times in the show, he always uses it as breathing room, before once again seeking Aziraphale out, and doing his best to work on their relationship AS EQUALS. Their dynamic (Which I’ll go into more later) is not on uneven footing, and both parties treat the other with a kindness neither of them is offered by their respective worlds.  

TLDR: Crowley’s love for Aziraphale helps heal him from the abuses of Heaven

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[galwaygremlin]

Autistic PJO HCs 1- Tyson

this particular series of posts is going to prove. interesting. partly bc I haven’t read the books in a while, partly bc most of the characters I’ll be looking at canonically have ADHD and dyslexia (comorbidity ftw but also the things I usually point out can also apply to those diagnoses), and partly because there are sooooo many characters in these books. however! these are super fun for me and give me an incentive to go back to my old favorites in this time where I haven’t had access to a library (*sobs in the corner*) to find new worlds to fall in love with. so I am going to dive right in with one of my all-time favorites, Tyson.

so we first meet my guy Tyson in book 2, The Sea of Monsters

he has a crappy living situation and is being constantly bullied

ahem. just gonna leave that one right there

he has little control over his emotions and is targeted for how easy it is to rile him up or upset him to the point of tears. (oh dang doing this is bringing back some Issues. suffice it to say this is not an uncommon experience for people on the spectrum)

he’s also really enthusiastic and easily excitable. same, dude.

his speech patterns are simple and it often seems like his words burst forth without much filtering

this makes communicating difficult for other characters sometimes when Tyson can’t articulate to them what he means, but he’s very good when they’re in combat situations because he doesn’t complicate instructions. Tyson tells you to duck, you freakin’ duck.

he follows rules and takes directions very literally. he raises his hand when other characters are talking because that’s what he was taught in class. he’s somewhat unpredictable to other people because he doesn’t grasp what they really mean when they ask him for things

nuances go over his head like a 747. why is everything I find about him so relatable

conclusion: he’s coded autistic. obviously. I’m gonna keep going anyway bc it helps me to see this written down

trusting, self-conscious, loud, kind and gentle with those smaller than him (although he tends to forget to be gentle when he gets excited), friend to all animals, forms attachments and emotional bonds quickly, tinkers with stuff and builds things to have something to do with his hands, eager to please, takes it to heart when those he’s trying to impress seem disappointed or upset with him, earnest, honest, dedicated to any project he starts, perfectionist (see Percy’s shield for the last two)

black-and-white worldview. finds it difficult to see gray areas between good and bad, different things people care about, motivations- he’s here to make weapons eat peanut butter and love his family. he’ll fight a monster if it threatens any of that, but otherwise he doesn’t really care

I love Tyson so so much. he made me uncomfortable when I first encountered him, and now I can see that I felt that way because I saw a lot of myself in him, and my internalized ableism clashed with his strong autistic coding. now he’s one of my favorites, not just because I can relate to him, but because I want to be more like him. he’s got a massive heart and he doesn’t complicate things. that’s the kind of person I want to be.

[daxieoclock]

ok shay you dont understand i was literally scrambling through our messages on discord to find a dissidia link and now i cant pick between the kairi reunion with sora and the namixi bed sharing scene so you gotta pick for me

jdhfbghjgb Enu you absolute sweetheart thank you for the ask

they’re both kinda short scenes though sooooo por que no los dos djhfgbjh

Kairi reunion scene is in chapter 10 and the Namixi scene is in chapter 14

She'd only been there twice before, both times after Xehanort's defeat, but Kairi instantly recognized Terra, Aqua and Ventus's home: the quintuple towers and golden chains of the Land of Departure.

I don’t remember if I ever articulated what both of those times were in my head, but it’s a HC that just felt right hehe.

And there, sitting on the bottom steps leading up to the front door, was Sora.

He hopped up as soon as he saw her, that stupid grin all over his face, and then Kairi's eyes blurred over and her feet pounding against the stone courtyard.

"It's so good–" he said, and she cut him off by punching him as hard as she possibly could in the shoulder. "OW!"

Kairi’s anger, frustration and just general emotion is something I had a lot of fun exploring in DKH, and something I definitely want to do more of if I ever return to KH writing (still undecided on that). As much as I love the comedy beat of the pissed-off reunion, it’s an honest feeling I think, to be both overjoyed and infuriated by someone at the same time. And it definitely fits my interpretation of where Kairi – who has been incessantly damseled, left behind and sacrificed-for – is at this moment in her arc. Furious and bitter and just wanting to drag her dumbass bffs/bfs to safety whether they like it or not.

"It's so good–" he said, and she cut him off by punching him as hard as she possibly could in the shoulder. "OW!"

"You absolute, goddamn, stupid idiot!" Kairi shrieked. "Do you have any idea how worried I was? How worried Riku was?"

For whatever reason this makes me think of the very beginning of the story, with Riku lying awake thinking of Sora. Like...yeah. Yeah he was. And on that note, as much as I missed Sora’s presence in the story, I absolutely loved the chance to expand on Riku and Kairi’s friendship/relationship (it’s complicated; when is it ever not?) without him there. I wanted to emphasize both how much they care about each other, and how much Sora’s absence is felt nearly constantly.

"Probably," Sora said, sheepish, massaging his shoulder.

"We had to try and explain to your parents how you....you vanished into thin air, but how it's actually completely okay because you did it to save my life!"

I don’t know that I’ll ever focus too much on any of the KH characters’ biological families, but I think the Destiny trio are the closest to actually Having Any Sort Of Bond with their parents. We’ve got a vague idea of Kairi’s home life – adopted daughter of the mayor, and I’ve extrapolated her dad is kind of absent – but none of Riku’s and only the fact that Sora has a mom. But the idea of Kairi and Riku returning to the island alone, having to break the news to Sora’s parents, just stuck in my head when I was writing this.

She didn't know who embraced who first. But she was in his arms then, and he was in hers, and she squeezed him so close, so goddamn tightly.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Just hold me," she said. "Just shut up and hold me."

I think this is just a sweet moment tbh djhfgbj.

"Your hair looks longer," Kairi said, finally. They were sitting on the steps together. Her eyes had cleared, but she wasn't ready to leave this moment. "And you're missing a button on your jacket."

"Oh." Sora ran a hand through his hair in that absentminded way that he did. He laughed. "I hadn't noticed."

Liar. She knew him well enough to know when he was putting on a front, and he definitely was now. But she wasn't much better, she had refused to point out the bags under his eyes, the greyish pallor of his tan skin, the way his blue eyes seemed darker than she remembered. She couldn't speak those details, as if silence would make them go away, as if she could will away the scuff from his shoes and the dullness from the little metal crown that hung around his neck. He reminded her of how Aqua had looked after they'd rescued her, so relieved but yet so exhausted. It was the impact of that much time spent alone, that much time spent wandering, spent lost and far away from the ones you love. Kairi's grip on Sora's hand tightened.

I will never forgive Nomura’s cowardice to not show the physical, kinda traumatizing toll that years of isolation in the RoD took on Aqua. 0.8 delved into it slightly, but only in the most surface-level way. And judging by what we’ve seen from Re:Mind and MoM, the same sort of surface-level emotion is going to be applied to Sora’s ‘death’ as well. He’s almost definitely going to come out of a YEAR of complete isolation being just as chipper and bright-eyed as he’s always been, and that is something I wanted to rectify here.

I love the KH cast and I love seeing them challenged, and love watching them grow. There’s not quite enough Sora in DKH to grasp the full extent of how he’s changed after his ‘death,’ but I’d like to think we do see that he HAS changed. It’s something I touched on more directly during Riku’s reunion with Sora, but it’s present here as well.

"So, who's your friend?" He motioned with his head towards the Spirit-Namine, who sat patiently on her haunches.

"Sora, it's me," she said with a little laugh. "It's Namine."

"Oh." Sora stared at the Spirit-Namine for a moment, the gears straining in his head, and then he looked over his shoulder up the stairs, then back at her with a confused expression on his face. "Wait, weren't you sleeping inside? Why are you here and a cat? How are you here and a cat?"

But of course, even after that sort of trauma, Sora is still Sora. He’s still a goober and a softie, and I didn’t want to abandon those traits for the sake of angst.

Sora had never been very comfortable with silence, she noticed him starting to shift and adjust next to her.

ADHD Sora rights.

Kairi kept catching herself holding her breath, waiting for him to vanish or the floor to give way or her alarm to wake her up. Waiting for something to drag him away again.

He looked over his shoulder at her and smiled. "I'm not going anywhere, you know," he said.

Kairi spluttered. "What...who...shut up!" She stared at the ground, cheeks flushed, unable to acknowledge out loud that he'd read her so well.

I haven’t decided if Sora’s surprising emotional perceptiveness is a new aspect of his character or something he’s always had that hasn’t been highlighted well, but it’s definitely an interpretation of him I enjoy. Like, yeah, he’s impulsive and inattentive and kind of rude on occasion, but he’s also showed some moments of being able to read people with shocking accuracy. I think that’s a skill some Keyblade wielders have, a sort of magical hyper-empathy, and Sora definitely has it in spades without even trying.

And briefly before we go into Namixi (and speaking OF Namixi)

Xion glanced at Sora and Kairi from the middle chair and threw up a peace sign. "Hey, what's up?" Her outfit had also changed a lot since Kairi saw her last, she had on a pair of loose black cargo shorts and a pullover hoodie, her black hair swept to one side and tucked behind her right ear. Honestly, she looked a lot happier, a lot freer.

Butch Xion is absolutely the hill I will die on this gal is 100% loves girls and presenting in nonconforming ways.

Namine, laying against Xion, her eyes closed and her expression peaceful.

Xion looked down at Namine as she noticed Kairi's stare. "Oh, yeah, I'm uh...keeping her safe? Cause she can't move when doing her spell, and uh, probably more comfortable than laying on this ground or something right?" She forced a laugh. "Yeah."

Namine, who absolutely has ulterior motives: “I’m going to be unconscious while using this spell and I’d rather not wake up sore, so maybe you could hold me while I’m using it? I’d make me feel safer too.”

Xion, who is gay as shit and forgot about the fact this castle has beds in it: “Yes absolutely I will totally hold you for as long as you need Namine wow yes that sounds great I’m on board heck yeah.”

*************

And with that introduction let’s hop right into the dedicated Namixi scene shall we.

Namine heard her door open, then close. She didn't move, just kept staring straight ahead, lying on her side in the bed, her heart beating staccato on the inside of her chest. A quiet bump of collision in the dark.

"Ow!" Xion muttered. "Stupid bed."

No good confession scene is complete with at least a couple comedy beats.

Her eyes probably had to adjust to the dark still, which Namine was thankful for, considering the fact she was probably blushing up a storm at the moment. "Are you okay?" She sounded so concerned, oh light.

Gentlebutch Xion strikes again. I refuse to see her as anything but very polite towards pretty gals (and Namine is very pretty gal in her humble opinion).

"I'm fine," Namine said, quickly. "I just...." She reached out to take Xion's hand, but hesitated, and just let her own fall back onto the mattress. "Wanted to see you, I guess."

"Oh," Xion said. Relief. Namine started when she felt Xion's fingers brushing against her hand. "Shit, sorry, sorry."

"No, no." Namine laughed, and took Xion's hand. "Thank you. This is really nice."

The eternal sapphic dance of being terrified of overstepping and desperate to express your affection at the same time. Also I have said it before and I will say it again: The Gay Gals Love Hands. Idk what it is but sapphic attraction is like 75% hand-holding it’s ridiculous.

Xion opened her eyes again, those gorgeous purple eyes.

Changing characters’ eye color is sort of a running theme in my fics I suppose, though it doesn’t ALWAYS come up. Xion’s purple eyes is something I saw once and got stuck in my brain forever. I have no idea who came up with it or why it’s something that apparently a decent chunk of Xion fans hc for her, but it sure is what we’ve decided on haha.

Three words. That's it. So easy, just three words. Just say it. Say it. "When you found out Sora was here, and decided to go after him." Coward.

Namine, like most of the female cast of KH, has basically no outwards emotion and very little development. For whatever reason, I’ve fixated on an interpretation of her as someone who expresses her emotions in unconventional ways, spends a lot of time overthinking things, protects herself by exaggerating her personality around others while also being terrified of hurting people the way she was forced to hurt Sora. It’s sort of funny to see a very similar personality come up around my interpretations of Haru Okumura in Deja Vu, but Namine definitely expresses her post-trauma identity a lot softer, less formal but still so very careful.

Anyway that’s a lot of words to say that she self-loathes and picks her words incredibly carefully and that contrasts really interestingly with the more impulsive, emotion-driven Xion. They’re a good fit for each other C:

"You can get under the covers too, if you like."

"Oh, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Please stop being a gentlewoman and take the hint. "I want you to," Namine said. Was that too firm? Too bossy?

"Oh!" Xion smiled, and threw the comforter over herself in an instant. Guess it was fine.

More of that aforementioned dynamic.

"This is very good. I'm happy."

"I'm glad," Xion said. "I...like making you happy."

Namine had to inhale deeply at that. It wasn't easy to confess when the girl kept taking her breath away.

I really like the idea in general that it takes so long for Namine to tell Xion how she feels because Xion just keeps doing really sweet things or being kind of romantic but not really making the space for that confession, and Namine just gets flustered and puts it off.

Three words. Just three. Just say them. Namine took a deep breath. "I, uh. I..." She felt a sob welling up in her throat. Light, why was this so difficult, why couldn't she just tell Xion–

Her lips were on hers. Namine couldn't breathe, could barely think for the screaming of her heart in her ears. Xion broke the kiss, looking so very embarrassed. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean–"

Namine reached up and pressed a finger to Xion's lips, cutting her off before she could apologize any more. "Um," she said, "kiss me again?"

And Xion nodded, and Namine let her finger fall, let Xion lean in and kiss her again. And she squeezed her hand so tightly and kissed her back.

So not really a confession but Xion DID get the hint. Once more: Xion’s impulsiveness makes things both very difficult and much easier for Namine. And I think I like the fact that she ends up deciding to just go along with that impulsiveness, just let go of her plan and kiss the gal she’s been pining for, and stop beating herself up about the words she can’t say yet. It’s sweet hehe.

[casper-has-a-cat]

AJR appreciation post

because i don’t think enough people have heard neotheater.  some background, their previous album, the click, is a masterpiece in its own right, it came out when i was in college and it captured all of my college feels, not to mention the song about the office (yes, the tv show) which had me genuinely laughing aloud.   but this post will focus on neotheater, because i’ve only just recently finished college and this album perfectly captures new-to-the-real-world feels.

like this album has made me cry so much and in the best ways, it’s been the biggest reassurance because i’ve been on my own for a month and a half now and hearing people that i respect articulating everything surround the fears and pain and sadness of growing up is as heartbreaking as it is comforting.  i’m not the only one who is filled with doubts and uncertainty and having those feelings doesn’t make me a failure, thank goodness.  thank goodness someone put that into music because now i can hear it whenever i need it.

and let me just say, this album has an odd sound.  even for ajr, it’s odd.  it’s extremely theatrical sounding, and that’s not so much my style of music, so at first i was iffy on it, but... it directly ties in to the meaning of the songs and the story that the album as a whole is telling.  the idea of feeling as though you’re being judged and watched and that everyone has expectations for you whether you want an audience or not.  it was a brave move and adds to the authenticity of the album.

so, let’s get on to more specifics!

lyrics that make me cry:

“i wanna be next up forever, find a way to never hit my peak” - next up forever (these made me cry on the first listen, because like, i know they’re talking about music, but that’s such a big mood post-college)

“you’ll sail the ocean finding where you should be.  and if you’re broken, you’ll find your own thing” - next up forever.  there's???  so much in these two lines???  like the idea that life is just one big search is huge, its releases so much stress surrounding the feeling that you should know where you should be as soon as you graduate.  and the second part?  that reassurance that you’ll figure it out, even if you don’t fit, it’s so good

“i wanna move out, i don’t wanna move on” + “i’ll come by when i’m grown, it won’t be the same though, i can’t even go home” - don’t throw out my legos.  honestly the whole song just hits me hard if i’m in the mood.  the profound sadness that comes with growing up and going out on your own is so well articulated in this song, and the metaphor of like.  wanting to keep insignificant things around because if you do, then maybe your younger self can still stick around too.  and then this idea of not having a home, i didn’t even realize it until i heard this but that’s maybe the most painful thing that i’m dealing with right now.  because it takes time to make a home

“you say that i'm better, why don't i feel better? the universe works in mysterious ways, but I'm starting to think it ain't working for me. doctor, should I be good, should I be good this year?” - karma.  i have so much to say about this song and i could’ve included a much longer quote here but this gets the point across.  i think anyone who’s struggled with mental health can probably relate to this.  and i love that it’s (imo) very clearly not dismissing counseling- they’re being honest in that counseling is not a magic solution, it takes work and sometimes it doesn’t seem to be working as well as we want it to, even if we do still see value in it.  and the transition right here, at the end of the song, from the “i’ve been so good this year” to the question - should i even be good this year if it’s not making me feel better?  that’s what really got me.

“dear winter, don’t move too far away.” + “will we still hang out and talk when i’m no longer in charge?” - dear winter.  this song makes me cry every time i hear it no lie.  apparently when ryan (the lyricist) played it for his brother for the first time, his brother also sobbed so i guess it only makes sense.  but yeah this specific verse kills me a lot because this is exactly where i’m at right now.  i moved too far away.  i hate how painful that is for my parents.  i had to do it but it still hurts every time i hear this.

“they wanted heaven from me, i gave ‘em hell.  now they want something bigger, i’m overwhelmed” - finale.  this lyric is preceded by 4 repetitions of the line “they wanted,” and the first two times it’s sung in a deep tone, but the third and fourth times it’s sung in a higher tone, and the singer sounds more energetic and maybe even high-strung, it’s like he’s rejecting “their” opinion.  and then you get this lyric about heaven and hell and you see that he did something unexpected, he’s decided not to be “their” version of perfect and done something that “they” didn’t want, and maybe he thought he’d be free from “them” after that, but it turns out just the opposite happened.  

“just don’t forget about me when you get out of college” - finale.  it’s such a good double meaning.  it’s playing off of them being scared that they’re music will lose popularity when their audience graduates, but it’s also like... talking to college friends.  don’t forget about me.  and also the world?  and this is where things get complex with the idea of having an audience.  on one hand the expectations are oppressive and confining, but at least someone’s watching as we grow up, but when we graduate it does feel a bit like society no longer cares about us so much.  at least, it did for me.  so i guess this line could have a triple meaning?

lyrics that make me laugh:

“thank you for coming to my birthday party, i am one minute old today” - birthday party.  honestly, every lyric in this song makes me laugh, it’s just such a fucking hilarious song, and like, dark humor all the way???  but this specific lyric is said in such a funny way i love it.  i actually can’t think of any other song that’s made me laugh so hard.

“what doesn’t kill you makes you ugly, life gives you lemons, at least it gave you something” - break my face.  there’s a whole aspect of this song that’s really tongue-in-cheek.  like it’s funny because they’re taking an idiom and really looking it in the eyes and being candid, like okay let’s stop sugarcoating things, what doesn’t kill you might not make you stronger but it’ll make you ugly!  but then the song as a whole can totally be read as a satire on people who are so critical of anyone who complains, or those people who are always like “look on the bright side” and “why can’t you just be happy!” and anyway it’s so genius

extra notes:

100 bad days hasn't made me laugh or cry aloud but it’s still such an important song imo.  “a hundred bad days made a hundred good stories, a hundred bad days made me interesting at parties, no i ain’t scared of you, no i ain’t scared of you no more” it’s such a powerful mantra to keep in mind when things get rough.  idk if that last part was meant for this, but as someone with social anxiety and probably agoraphobia, it’s just been really empowering

turning out pt. ii... i don’t personally relate to this song as much as most of the others, and yet it still makes me profoundly sad.  honestly i don’t like listening to it because of that?  but also it kind of... doesn’t feel as clever to me as the other songs.  like i could’ve written those lyrics.  which is something i rarely feel about ajr songs.  idk, maybe it’s better if you relate more! and i’m biased probably because of how much i loved and related tot turning out pt. i and this wasn’t what i expected.

the entertainment’s here articulates something that scares me a lot?  how easy technology makes it to ignore real life, how tempting it is to just watch netflix or youtube videos or whatever.  so i avoid this song a bit as well.  i think it’s clever as hell, but it scares me and i’m a coward

beats: i’m just gonna say it, it’s my least favorite song on the album.  the idea is funny but to me the implementation isn’t the best?  it’s not that clever imo?  it’s very repetitive and i think that was supposed to like, go along with the meaning of the song, of echoing and doing what others are doing for success, but for me it’s just ultimately kinda... meh.

wow, i’m not crazy: kinda like 100 bad days, hasn’t made me laugh or cry aloud but this song is really important to me.  it makes me happy.  the idea of finding people who are crazy in the same way you are, and how that can make you love yourself so much more.  i love that.

okay yep we stop here!  honestly there are more lyrics that i love but this is an essay already sooooo.  yeah.  i love this album.

[urbvnny]

What is your impression of the vampires? I figured you like aaron (coughing) but I want details gurl. Long texts, rants, come on!!!! I really like seeing ur content bc it's just you not trying hard and chilling lol

Thanks for following my shitshow lol if I try people will hate me. You want rants? You got them.

Aaron:

I absolutely adore him and his route so much that I'm afraid they'll fuck it up in EVERY single episode that comes out.

He's absolutely *breathes in* stunning and handsome and beautiful and kind and serious but he's easygoing and cute and sincere and calm (but he's too impulsive when he loses his cool, that's no good! >:C) *suffocates*.

Dummy thicc and just dummy when it comes to more delicate feelings too. A great himbo specimen just like Bel.

I love how his route isn't a perfect relationship where there are NEVER problems, he's willing to try and pour himself out (even though it's hard) to make this work.

I secretly wandered to the garden and the fireplace at all times in Vladimir's route just to talk to him more and more and I was sooooo in love lol I would forget about Vladimir (insert ugly wheeze).

He's the only one we actually invite to our room so far lol he's the king of consent at all times.

Eloise is just head over heels for him and she isn't panicking constantly about not knowing anything bc again, even though he's flawed, he tries his best to make everything work and they talk constantly.

I wish he'd be more attentive, bc that would make life easier for him lol. poor man can't read the stuff between the lines to save his life. That might cause some hurting, bc he has a mentality of doing "what has to be done" and forgetting about the rest.

He also needs therapy. I worry a lot about him.

BUT DAYUM, Eloise is his first girlfriend and my man is already getting the hang of it real good.

I might bawl my eyes out in all three endings.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY THIS ROUTE: kiss him, pet him, compliment him, hug him, say you love him. He deserves it.

hmmm, he's so fine!

now the other ones without pic or cursive sorted by favourites most to least.

Vladimir:

He's sooooo handsome and he has a really pretty body but not in a sexual light, he's just incredibly beautiful. Like a work of art.

I love how he doesn't think twice about Eloise's safety in ways that don't come from survival. And I love how he just laughs and blushes. I love his done expressions too and how he tilts his head and he trembles when he's angry lol boy gonna explode soon.

I don't like the way he acts like a clam lol he shuts himself out after opening up and he also lies to comfort himself too much. He likes to tell Eloise that she only means a source of food to him but he's got it bad for her really fast and denying that is very hurtful behavior. I do get that he's having a really hard time, but he's grown enough to listen to her attemps.

I also hate how he still thinks he's living in the past and he behaves like Eloise doesn't know jack shit when the girl has been through a lot.

I don't think his feelings on his good ending change out of nowhere too??? But I'm not gonna go there in this post, I just relate, yk?

Raphael:

baby is sooooo sweet! he's really nice all the time and he always listens and worries about us, and he loves to gossip but not about himself, he's an absolute king lmao.

I don't think he's nice all the time. I think he hates talking about himself so he might get angry at Eloise if she tries to barge into his life too fast, so I'll not be to quick to act lol

He talks and talks and talks sometimes and the dialogue bar gets thicc lol I love to see his train of thought go and goooooo

His clothes are simply beautiful and he's so smart and educated.

I feel like he has a hard time when he thinks about his blindness and art. In Aaron chapter 5, if Eloise chooses to talk to him instead of the "shadow person", she asks him why he seems uncomfortable and her mind is somewhere else, but she hears him talking about something sparkling in a ballroom. I think he was probably saying it was a shame he couldn't see the party.

Super powerful and capable baby! He knows how to fight, reads a lot and is super articulated! I love him sooo much :(

Beliath:

This corny, monochromatic himbo. I hated him in the beginning but it was until he pushed the couch and said the dead donkey line lol.

I love how people say just anything and he's like "ion care lol", he never gets offended and he knows what he's doing

I kinda wanted to slap him in the first 3chapters bc he's acting like we're prey while we're just there like "AAAAAARGH LISTEN TO ME UR ENLARGED PIECE OF-"

his hair is good and he's absolutely stunning, specially his smile. He's just incredible.

I didn't like how he treated Eloise when she freaked out (I hated that too bc I wouldn't react like that) when she saw Ivan in the staircase with Raph. It isn't easy to get over the fact that you just died.

I think I'll end up more infatuated with him than with Vladimir, but I'd never be head over heels for him like I'm with Aaron.

Ivan (I'm still bitter)

I like how he sees Eloise and he just says it without any fears or whatsoever, and I like how he's not afraid to say he's sorry but he doesn't expect to be forgiven or for Eloise to like him in any routes.

BUT. He was a big disappointment bc he was just all messy, doing stuff without thinking first, and he never really stopped to think about his surroundings. Yes, I'm saying he's selfish.

The way he was "I can see my ex errday but you can't say shit now let's move on and just live with me hung up on somebody else" also irked me.

His sprites are SOOOOO cute! he's all blushy like ":3 I wuv how positive and shiny u are, Eloise!"

The endings were just utter bullshit and depressing tho. They just did everything wrong when this could've been a route where two very young people that had a BIG altercation involving freaking (bats, I love halloween) DEATH learn to forgive, heal and love each other when they're facing new lives in all ways possible. It was a disappointment.

... ethan. *big fat sigh*

I like how he is nice in Bel's route but in the other ones he's all nuts and talks loads of shit and gets beaten, runs in the sun and he even dies once like???? He's in for a wild ride don't go off like that I'm serious.

He's mad handsome tho and I love me a wavy hair but damn is he a jerk. He tries to kill us many times too, that's hella annoying. I don't like entering a room and seeing him.

I really wanted to help him in the kitchen dialogue when he had that PTSD episode, but he shuts us up. I feel very sorry for all he had to see.

Although I love the parts where we jab and kick his shins and stomach, he was a nice man once and I really hope he can find at least a bit of himself again in his route. He deserves it, even if I don't like the way he acts.

Have I said I love to kick and jab his shins?

[tammyhybrid21]

THybrid’s Mummy Rant(pt 1)

ALRIGHT!

Sooo…

I kind of said I would be organizing a big giant analysis and rant on this character-- Because I have many, many feelings. Buuut I think this is probably going to be something that just ends up diving into a lot more for the context I do have. Both in terms of the movie, and the research I've been rolling around in--

So-- before I put this under a cut/readmore, can I put some context into this?! And by context--

I mean in general I would not be here if Mummy hadn't been the one Netflix had for the Movie's preview. Mummy is why I'm here, just because whoop. That's a character design that CALLS ME! So yeahh-- that out of the way…

First Impressions:

Sooo… in the first movie Mummy is… only in the last third, roughly of the movie. Which is a crying shame in all honesty because for me he steals the show from that point. AND we get to see SO MANY Sides. Like, just… there's a bit to unpack here, and it also leads into more of my Autism squee talk--

But I don't think I could even really articulate everything in a straight cohesive manner so I'll sort of sum it with the most important screencaps.

Soooo, I have a lot to say… and a picture says a thousand words… but especially here and okay, so those screencaps are… not exactly all the story, but they say a lot for what they say. And then you can compound that specifically with the research that I have… again, been just rolling in. Because GIMME!

Sooo anyway, let me talk about these screencaps while my brain is turned on. Because I feel that all of these are important! Including that first glimpse! Because like-- what you need to understand is-- Do you know how hard catching something like that is?! And how did he notice it. Which like, that's probably a sensitivity thing, but specifically! That would whistle on the way down!

Then!

LET ME TALK ABOUT MASKING!

Like just-- all these next pictures and moments! They bring up Masking. Because look at him when he's first approaching, first seen in full. He's threatening, intimidating(up until Tadeo spots him and it's just scream for them both) BUT THEN IN PRIVATE! Clapping, flapping, and well, we can watch Movie 2 with a very specific lense based on a piece of WoG I found…

But even those next few screencap moments--

Like, Mummy is important, BUT there are rules of how you're supposed to present yourself. Like look at him! Look at him in front of the guards! How Paititi is revealed and even the lead up, like, he has a good shift from the slight goofball to commanding and then to intimidating and just…

Snap fingers and the guards respond(which then with movie two… boyyyyy I want to know what happened). And as much as we think that hug is intense…

And then look at the shy nervous child. WHICH I'm going to bring in a moment or two from the Series, Descubre con Tadeo(which is a fun watch even if I only get like, maybe a fifth of the content).

He's insecure and nervous… and we related it to being like… first day of school jitters. BUT THEN he-- also has a perfect shift here as well.

Put on your professional voice! And like, I suppose some things could be argued in terms of Mummy's antics in the second film. But I just… have too much more to say that the whole movie kind of feels like.

"FIRST TIME I AM FREE!" in terms of how Mummy is running around and just having fun! You ever just want to cut loose mate?! Scream, or go wild… but like… with the second movie I have other places to just go, WAIT?! What happened?! And also just analyze moments that are… well…

But like, number one is a background moment actually(and I hope so muuuuch that it means something in movie three please)

LOOK AT TADEO'S CONSPIRACY BOARD!

Like I'm just here like, Mummy?! What did you do?! On his trip over, which for all is kind of implied/feels like a B-Line, and I have… other thoughts and feelings on that. But like, the conspiracy board! Mummy! Also considering that the English Localization has Tadeo in Chicago(and I want to know if that's true for everywhere--) As an aside in this moment, can we just appreciate the jump of quality in the animation between the movies?! Like ahhhh the details! I just hng-- And some things in the whole animated series as well…

Edutainment.

WHICH features BOTH Mummy and Tadeo just special interest dumping. And it's A++

He also hums the theme song in his take over episode, and dances and is just ahahahahah

Which, this is one of the two Mummy just-- yanks the show for himself moments… The other has him playing with everyone else as dolls and I just--

Yes

Gender

Which look, I've been going off some level of fluidity for him! Since I watched the second movie and he just-- STOLE THE SHOW! And the credits sequence, I have… a lot to say about his around the world trip but most of that ultimately amounts to disorganized screaming about the fact that he starts the travel with only one dangling earring and ends it with two to speak to the guards--

And that then goes into--

ANYWAY--

Genderwise, I've been informed that there's a WoG confirmation of nb, which… Good Representation! Even if I have personal… bad, yucky, awkward feelings about the term, if that's the confirmed canon term. Well. My personal dysphoria with the term specific aside.(Non non, it always feels like--) NO WONDER I HELLA RELATE!

For those not caught up-- I myself identify as Agender. Which is a nb-spectrum gender, or as I refer to it as when trying to explain. "Gender, yes". I have a gender, and that gender is yes it's something and exists. But like, I'm not tied to the binary of Male-Female, not really. Sooooo--

If Mummy is confirmed nb, which, I will be source hunting for sure.

Well, his relatability to me just skyrocketed EVEN MORE!

Like I'm sorry, you don't understand! That's super important on MANY levels. Not just for the rare gender to be highlighted. BUT!

Mummy is very Autistic Coded. More on the female stereotyped Autism as well-- and then FOR THE BIG THING! He's Inca!

Like, do you people even have a scale for the important points that he's hitting here?! (And if we add apparently spoken about Asexuality?! Excuse me!)

Like I don't know how much I could say on how important this is representation and character wise…

Sooo

Moving on.

Inca

Sooooo… this is probably something dumb to tack onto the end but. I'll be the first to admit it. I'm… coming from a culturally blind/naïve perspective but-- it's something intrinsic and important to understanding Mummy as character. He's from a cultural background I honestly don't yet know enough about. (Can I ever know enough though?!)

He's an Inca. And more than that-- WoG seems to have implied, he's Royalty, whiiiiich puts into perspective some of those screencap moments and brings about a host of interesting research topics for me to just gleefully dive into and roll around in.

BUT

With that contextual framing.

This dork, and this moment-- and thinking about how he's got the pull in the first movie to boss the guards around. Just like-- Make decisions and call the shots… and more to me…

Who put the cufflink there?! SPECIFICALLY?!

Because like, all he said was "keep it safe"

I also really, really want to know if there's some cultural significance and nuance I'm missing here, because hooo boy. As far as I have, this is basically just subtle nods and confirmations that he's royal, possibly even the recognized Auqui of their set up here(which as of movie two, possibly no longer the case).

I also have a lot to say about THIS:

In terms of the half a dozen or so resources that have STUFF to say about Handshakes to the Inca(albeit there is more than just a handshake buuuut). But this is already 11 pages in word and honestly, I don't think I could explain things in a nice and tidy context for all my FEELINGS that I have.

Sources:

Screenshots taken by myself and a friend

Tadeo Jones & Tadeo Jones 2: El secreto del Rey Midas

https://www.telecinco.es/tadeojones/descubre-con-tadeo/16940/ For additional character screenshots, albeit had to find some of it on Youtube.

WoG on Mummy's implied Royalty: https://www.animum3d.com/blog/animacion-3d-tadeo-jones/ (And English translation C&P feat. Google Translate: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DPhIuurqtx7QJm1df31cviHsqDEgKH5t9MVstJZHpRw/edit) Point of NOTE

With the designs and the script in front, you start to shuffle ideas, by his golden dress, his hat and his cape you imagine that he is someone important within his clan, that should give a sublime aspect to his behavior, as if he belonged to royalty, someone with a refined attitude and manners, are ideas that do not have to be evident or definitive, but in some way help to set parameters when shaping your personality.

WoG on Gender & Sexuality: Still on the hunt, right now more fandom news(please gibe me the source!) FOUND: https://elcultural.com/Enrique-Gato-y-David-Alonso-El-reto-ya-no-es-sorprender-sino-crear-empatia-con-los-personajes & https://www.ecartelera.com/noticias/41656/pelicula-aventuras-definitiva-tadeo-jones-2-equipo/5/

My son asks me many times if Mummy is a boy or a girl and it's all at once. It's absolutely ambiguous and that also makes it a lot of fun.

“For us he is asexual and we really like playing with it.”

Conclusion:

WATCH THESE MOVIES PLEASE!

And get the culture being represented by one of the characters RIGHT!

[bamboozledjasontodd]

DickRoy and DickKory

It’s like Christmas all over again!!

DickRoy:

I’m new to shipping this but I really I love it! They bring out the best in each other by pushing each other. They whole “No one else I would rather have fighting by my side” scene...ooof that is some heavy stuff but it perfectly captures which each character is about and how much they mean to each other. This ship is somehow always really soft and super intense at the same time. It’s honestly refreshing to see. I also love how Roy is given a purpose by the shippers at large and isn’t used just to prop Dick up. I honestly don’t understand why this ship isn’t more popular. I mean really, it’s got everything you could ask for - fluff, angst, romance, friends to lovers, gayness, two dads raising their daughters (one of which has superpowers), and families who would relentlessly tease them then turn around and cry tears of joy at their wedding. I mean come on, it’s sooooo gooood!! On a final note, I would love to see Jake Grayson added into these dynamics as well. I see him with DickKory for obvious reasons but I never see him added into dynamics where Dick and Kory aren’t together anymore. What I’m trying to say is, include Jake Grayson alongside Mar’i and Lian in your DickRoy fanworks. Also, Grant Emerson aka Damage. Please and thank you!!

DickKory:

This is another example of genuine love! Even when they are not together, they genuinely care for each other and want what is best for each other. I just wish DC remembered that. I also hate how their relationship gets super sexualized. I get that there is a lot of, shall we say, physical affection in their dynamic but there really is so much more to them than that. As much as I love this ship I do have a hard time seeing it as endgame. Long term or on and off over the course of the years? Sure! Endgame? Maybe. I can’t really articulate why I feel this way which frustrates the heck out of me especially because I love them together so much, but it is how I feel. 

Send me a ship and I’ll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[frizzyanya]

The Untamed Episode 25, My Commentary!

Spoilers below!

WWX and JYL hanging out with the kids and then secretly that demon JZX is meeting with JC.

I knooooooo wwe aren’t supposed to hate him, just the circumstances. But I just do. I refuse to forgive him for being mean to her.

Lol seems like WWX likes him exactly as much as I do.

That interaction between JZX and WWX was sooooo uncomfortable. WWX refused to acknowledge the question about where the 5th segment of the YI was, which means obviously he has it. And then JZX is also demanding he give up the STA too. Fat chance, bro!

I mean he can’t do good guy magic anymore, no way he gives up the only magic available to him, even if it is demonic and likely to destroy all of society!

Ohhhhh flags for every clan! So we’re already at the party!

WWX standing next to LWJ and they aren’t even hyper aware of each other or talking not-quietly-enough like usual!

I hate MY, that smug bastard. (What a reversal, I know.)

JESUS CHRISTMAS, THEY HAVE TO TARGET INNOCENT WEN CLAN CIVILIANS?!?!?!!?!? Okay not quite…...they have to try to miss them but shoot around them WTAF

WWX’s hand loosened on his demon flute. So, like, that’s good I guess. No all out war…….Yet.

This is so unnecessary and cruel.

“Who else dares to try?!” (after JZX’s bulls eye) I can almost hear WWX in Lindsay Lohan’s voice saying “I’ll take a whack at it….” (from the Parent Trap)

Then he turns to LWJ……….and asks him………..to borrow his headband. WWX, what are you thinking right now…? What tricks do you have up your sleeve…?

HE’S BLINDFOLDING HIMSELF

BEFORE SHOOTING A BOW AND ARROW

THROUGH A LINE OF INNOCENTS

AND SHOOTING FIVE ARROWS AT ONCE, ONE TO EACH BULLSEYE

LMAAAOOOOOOO

THIS BITCH BE LIKE

FUCK ALL OF YYOOOOUUUUUU

GOLDEN CORE OR NOT IM STILL BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU PUT TOGETHER

I want LWJ to be like “........boring.”

Everybody applauding, he’s gonna create trouble once again by showing off.

...but what did he want the headband for?

Everybody’s working really hard at hunting whatever, and then WWX just casually playing flute.

LMAO

“They all just plunged into our nets themselves!” 

TO HELP JC WIN

THIS SHOW IS PURE COMEDY

Okay now I’m at the “what do you take me for” scene and this HURTS

“You used to be my confidante.” “I still am.” Dramatic prolonged eye contact.

Aaaaaaand now we’re watching JZX and JYL walking together on the path. WWX’s eyeroll looked EXACTLY like mine.

“Do you not like watching the hunt…….or do you not like being with me?!” And then he turns away dramatically with “I’m never speaking to you again!” flair.

Poor JYL.

Aaaaaaand WWX being, well, himself, and he just flies out onto the path just as JZX was surely about to get things cleared up.

LWJ coming to his rescue, ohhhh I do like that.

“Who are you?” “How dare you not know who I am!” “But who ARE you?” LMAO, SAME, WWX, SAME.

“JYL, what’s wrong? Did my intractable son bully you again?!” Ohhhhhh yes, JZX’s mother is good.

IS SHE THE FIRST GOOD ALIVE MOTHER IN THIS SHOW!?!??

WWX is handling this……..better than I would have expected? (That’s a pretty low bar, of course.) Like he at least articulated why JZX was being the worst in that interaction.

“WWX has already collected 30% of everything!” LWJ, who has been with him this whole time and knows he’s done absolutely nothing legally allowed: “Say what?!”

JZX’s cousin: “That’s not capability, that’s just playing a flute! It’s too easy!” WWX: “Go ahead, play my flute.”

LOLOLOLOL

“I don’t know what’s called capability, please show me yours. Astonish me, please.”

This is like weirdly homoerotic and I do not like it (a la “my horse is bigger than your horse” (because yes, the princess diaries 2 is the only way I know how to reference that…))

I mean I probably half think that because while JZX’s cousin looks angry and ready for a fight, WWX just looks like he’s taunting/mocking/flirting in his way.

Okay now we’ve crossed a line…….he’s now like vibrating from anger. 

LWJ, DO SOMETHING.

IF YOU DON’T HE’S GOING TO FLIP OUT COMPLETELY.

I’M WORRIED FOR…….LIKE EVERYONE……..

The guy is goading him!! “You’re nothing more than the son of a servant.” SHUT UP, OR YOU MIGHT END UP AN ACTUAL HONEST TO GOD CASUALTY.

FUCKING FINALLY

LWJ TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH

THIS MAN IS LITERALLY VIBRATING

HE NEEDS HELP

LWJ: “Wei Ying, concentrate!”

JYL: “Wuxian! Wuxian!”

Lord help me, I hope this is enough.

But I mean, is there technically any rule that says “no demon flute magic to help you win?” Because I feel like this is so specific that it might not actually be against the official rules, right? lol

JYL apologizing to the Jins for WWX. YIKES. 

While LWJ holds him back. DOUBLE YIKES.

JZX’s cousin needs to STFU BEFORE HE GETS  HIMSELF KILLED

Hahaha! JYL said that what he did wasn’t against the rules.

“There are so few prey! It’s already a hard competition!” “It’s not his fault you’re bad hunters.” ZIIINNNGGG

JYL IS ON FIYA

NOW SHE’S ASKING JZX’s guy to APOLOGIZE TO WWX. THIS IS BRILLIANT.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

ALL HAIL QUEEN YANLI

MADAM JIN SAID TO MAKE THE APOLOGY THIS IS TOO DAMN MUCH

ALL HAIL STRONG WOMEN 

Madam Jin being mean to MY. Okay. No good moms here. She’s just good to JYL. But like….I respect that.

JYL is like a tiger momma protecting her cub WWX. You do not disrespect him on her watch!

“Nothing about you is a problem for me. If my son has made you upset, I can give him a beating for you.” YES MADAM JIN IS MY NEW FAVE.

Okay she has JYL’s best interests at heart here, but she’s a bit mistaken on the nature of JYL/WWX’s relationship. 

However now that I think of it………...if I’d only seen what she’d seen, particularly this episode……..I’d likely be inclined to agree that it looked like they were framed as love interests. 

I mean….JYL loves WWX a lot. It’s just not in that way. And if you don’t understand her well enough to know the difference……..I can see the misunderstanding happening easily. 

“WWX is my younger brother. I’ll never leave him.” BRB SOBBING.

“Lady Jiang! It’s not what you think! I wasn’t forced by my mother, it was me, I wanted to invite you!” Awww he’s just bad at talking to girls but he does like her! SYKE NO. You can’t be rude/mildly abusive and then pretend it was you being cute/coy. You made her cry! Grow up and then come back and court her.

(I know they’re going to be on better terms now, I’m just bitter af.)

Aaaaaaand everybody is watching.

SO HE LITERALLY RUNS AWAY

He’s THAT shy and awkward!

JYL like “I’ll go with Madam Jin and JZX. WWX like BRING ON THE ABANDONMENT ISSUES.

JC like “come to the banquet with me later!” WWX like “nah imma go for a walk, goodbye LWJ and literally nobody else.”

JC like WWX wtf did you do.

Ohhhhhh I’M SO DUMB. 

OH MY LORD.

WWX doesn’t have the STA AND the YI. The STA IS the YI!

LADY WEN@@@@@ OMFGGGG!!!!!!!!!

That’s how I typed that in my excitement and I refuse to change it! Lol

They CAN’T miss each other! PLEASE stop each other and interact!

OMG! Someone pushed her to the ground rudely and he saw 

WWX WHAT ARE YOU DOING. GO TO HER.

Lady Wen is the only one on this show prettier than WWX.

The ONLY one.

LXC/LWJ: “What are you thinking?” “I want to bring a man to Cloud Recesses.” “A man…?” WHO DO YOU THINK, LXC?? 

[heligooddeals]

There's a kind of love...

Over yonder in the land of Discord, via the Sanctuary Social, Blackguard and Sideswipe ( @wily-red-and-galeforce-gold​ ) do something... special. ♥

Transcript undercut.

NOTE: I’m leaving mun and muse user handles to help distinguish who wrote what (although I think it’s easy to tell @wily-red-and-galeforce-gold​‘s mastery apart from my mess). I am user Muddy, and Blackguard is user flyingbusiness. Wily is user Wily, and Sideswipe is user Recklessinred.

Muddy

flyingbusiness: I need to see you flyingbusiness: ASAP

Wily

Recklessinred: of course! As soon as I get released. What's up?

Muddy

flyingbusiness: I need to talk to you in person.

Wily

Recklessinred: is everyone ok? Recklessinred: give me like half a day. I'mma talk my way out of the medbay. I'm like 90 Percent better Recklessinred: that's a passing grade

Muddy

flyingbusiness: We're okay. It's not an emergency. flyingbusiness: I just... realized I need to do something and it's important you're around for it.

Wily

Recklessinred: oh! Surprises! I like those =D

Muddy

flyingbusiness: Good flyingbusiness: I hope this one lives up to the hype

Wily

Recklessinred: I'm free \o/

Muddy

flyingbusiness: Good! flyingbusiness: Now get your aft over here

Wily

Recklessinred: yes ma'am. OMW

Muddy

[coordinates, because their position of space has changed slightly]

Wily

Recklessinred: o7 Recklessinred: gimme like 30 minutes and I'll be there

Muddy

Thirty minutes; The perfect amount of time to make something feel short yet agonizingly long at the same time.

Blackguard tries to keep herself busy and distracted from the wait time by tidying up the various livable rooms of Crossfire, starting with the mess hall because it had initially seemed like the best place to sit down with Sideswipe. When it dawns on her just how trashy the room is for what she intends to do though she hurries to the office-living room, cleaning there until she realizes it's just too big and not nearly private enough. Then she glances over at her berthroom, wondering if would be appropriate to invite him there since it was the most private she had available but also HER room.

Lug stretches out on the floor behind her with a great big groan and sigh, drawing her attention over to him, and her optics naturally pass over the viewing windows as she looks. As she gazes out into the stars, wondering just how and where she's going to bare her soul to Sideswipe, an idea hits her and she eagerly looks to the ceiling. "Crossfire?"

"Yes, Blackguard?"

"Can you still do the magnetic thing? You know - when you keep someone grounded to the floor or to your form if we're outside?"

"Yes." A thoughtful hum passes through the whole ship before he asks, "Are you intending to go outside, Blackguard?"

"I am. If Sideswipe's clear to go anyway. So we'll see, okay? And don't say anything to him."

"Your secret is safe with me, Blackguard."

Wily

It doesn't take him too long to make his way over. In fact, for once he's actually early, and hadn't been sidetracked or turned around. But there were a couple of reasons for that.

For starters he genuinely just enjoyed hanging out with Blackguard. So heck yeah he was gonna come over when invited!

Secondly, he was curious.

Curious about what she wanted to see him about. He had an incessant to know, and curiosity was a constant driving force that ate away at him. You can't just ask him to come over, then cryptically proceed to tell him nothing. That could have meant a plethora of things. Was something going on? Was this all code to proceed with the loose haphazard plan to bust Blackguard out of her house arrest sentence?  Was something wrong? Was it something innocuous like "hey I was bored, wanna watch a movie and eat this cool new snack I ordered?"  Maybe it was a fun surprise.

Honestly though? Regardless of the reason,  her asking was enough to summon him.

So here he is.

Arrive he does, popping in to the ship, only mildly nauseous from the bridge trip. He announces himself with a weak but cheery, "Knock knock!

Muddy

A low rumble rolls through the ship when Sideswipe materializes within the supreme and Blackguard trills at the noise; Curious as to what had Crossfire making such a noise, then excited when she realized what/who it was.

"Coming!" She makes haste for the stairs to meet him on the lower deck, eager to get things going but now also mildly concerned for his health. He didn't sound so hot a moment ago and considering the state he had been in not that long ago...

"Hey." She walks up to him with as much casualness as she can muster, kneeling down to give him a loose hug and take a quick inspection of his shoulder. "How are you? Are you okay? You sounded kind of off earlier."

Wily

Don't worry, Blackguard. It's kind of difficult to tell if people are acting a little antsy when your world just tilted sideways. But he'll be fine. He needs a moment.

"I'm fiiiiine," He says a little airily and leans heavily into the hug. Maybe she meant to keep it loose and casual, but he's going to cling a little. Because it helps keep the world from spinning. "All fixed up!" And a little motion sick but maybe if he pretended he wasn't it would go away quicker.

But even after the vertigo ebbs he doesn't let go right away. Instead he tips his helm up, and offers a cheeky grin. "Hi."

"Sooooo," He stage whispers, "Gonna tell me the secret before I actually combust? I wanna knoooow."

Muddy

"Sure, sure." If Sideswipe wants a HUG then, by god, he's getting a HUG. It's not like they're hard to give (especially with their drastic size difference) and Blackguard is always happy to give and receive those kinds of hugs. She'll be mindful of his shoulder though and keep the squeezing around it to a minimal. Everything else on the other hand? It's all getting squeezed to death and then some until he starts wiggling around. Then she'll ease up, look back at him, and hum affectionately.

"Hi." She shifts, easing back on the embrace and carefully resting her hands over his shoulders, then gets down on both knees and sits back on her legs. "So... You're... One of the best mechs I've ever known, and probably one of the best friends I've ever had." A humorless laugh escapes her and she looks at the floor a moment before forcing herself to look back at him. "And that's not really saying much because I've had some really worthless ones too. But, you're good. You're more than good. You're... You're perfect honestly. You're kind, and wonderful, and--" Air hitches in her vents and she lets out another laugh, this one genuine. It's hard to speak with all these emotions bubbling up and getting caught in her throat, so she blurts out: "Will you be my amica endura?"

Wily

They're almost optic to optic like this. Him swaying as he stands, while she kneels and puts them at a more equal standing. Their size difference is comical but the companionship is comfortable. Especially now that the last waves of vertigo have burned away. Instead that tilting sick feeling fades, and it’s replaced by curiosity, and a breezy sort of excited energy.  He’s not sure what for yet, but there’s anticipation. He’s smiling boyishly, excited by the things he might be told whatever that might be. Secrets? Something new? Was it time for plan 'jail break.’? Maybe it was nothing important at all and even that was fine. Whatever it was he was ready. He was- …

He wasn't ready for that.

First it was the nice words. Sweet words that even now were always like little surprises. He craved them the little positive reinforcements.

The positive things, and assurances... that he was good. That someone important saw him that way, despite seeing some of the worst of him. That gave his spark a squeeze.

He didn't let his thoughts linger on that too much. Instead he basked in the nice things, albeit a little confused, his grin making his cheeks hurt.

But as much as it warmed him to hear, it was... he wasn't sure what to say? So he ducked his helm, and laughed a little sheepishly. "Pffffft, you've got a weird definition of perfect. Ha...."

A pause. "You really consider me one of your best friends? Wow, I don't know what I did but go me! I mean you're pretty great your-"

And then he hears what she asks.

And then he thinks for a moment to remember what that is.

And his face does something complicated. Bemusement. Realization. A smile, because he figures it out! The smile gives way to shock as it hits him what it all means put together.

And then articulately-

-he proceeds to say nothing.

And in stunned silence he stares.

Muddy

She figured he would be like this - to a point. After he cried and submitted to her temporary grounding because of the last confession she gave to him, it was easy to anticipate a similar reaction to this confession. She didn't think he'd fall victim to a blue screen of death however and became mildly concerned when he suddenly cut himself off, giving no indication that the thought would continue or be derailed by another any time soon. Part of her even began to worry that this was a calm before a storm and rejection was looming on the horizon, but she did her best to ignore the insecure thought. She and Sides were good.

Probably.

Hopefully.

"Sides?" Tilting her helm, she rubs her hand over his good shoulder and brightens her visor. "You still with me?"

Wily

He blinks almost owlishly, the hand smoothing over his shoulder nudging some life back into him.

"Uhuh," He answers softly, with a distracted nod.  Still, even hazy as he sounds, his optics are still wide and locked on her.

It's a weird sensation. A swelling in his chest, and a knot in his throat, and like all of his systems collectively seized into uselessness on him.  It's warm, and cold, and he likes it, but he doesn't understand it and it's a lot. It's a lot, even if it's not showing that it's a lot. Not yet. The bewilderment is keeping everything at bay.

Eventually his brows knit, and a thousand things are flitting through his head, but the only thing he can snag from the chaos is-

"Why?"

The 'me' is unspoken, but hangs there.

Muddy

"Why.. what?" She mimics his question with her one, tilting her helm a few degrees more before straightening it out. "Like, why do I want to do this? Or..?"

Wily

"I...yeah? But... Why me?" He's still looking at her with that confusion in his optics. There's a fight in his head. Some creeping warm thing at war with incomprehension. It's an odd strain and maybe that's why his voice cracks in a way that's equally confusing. "Why would... why would you want this with me? I don't-"

Muddy

Relief washes over while a dagger simultaneously twists itself in her spark chamber. This wonderful, thoughtful, kind, loving, caring, fun, hilarious, and energetic mech was asking because he didn't understand why he'd qualify for such an honorable position? Clearly she needs to be a better friend - amica - to him then, so he'd understand exactly why he and he alone was the best mech she's known.

"Sideswipe." She cooes, dimming her visor to a gentle 'smile' as she cups the sides of his face, ready to whick any tears he might shed. "Why wouldn't I want to do this? Out of everyone I've ever called my amica, you're the only mech I've really felt... Good about saying it too. The only one I'd be saddened if I lost forever because it'd mean I failed SPECTACULARLY at being a worthy friend. And I would like to keep you around forever, if at all possible." She laughs, visor glowing a shade brighter. "There's literally no one else I'd want to bear my spark to either. Out of everyone, you deserve that part of me. I owe you that much, I think."

Wily

He stares at her in awe.

She thought all of that about him? But...he was chaotic. Impulsive. Naiive about some things, and too practiced in others. Practiced in not great, destructive things. To hear what she had to say so succinctly like that? It was-

It wasn't surprising though.

She had such things to him before. In snippets. In a longer sparkfelt moment. Still, to hear it now with such earnestness and warmth... it hit him square in those vulnerable things, soothing over them with the reminder that people thought he was good. Even though he was flawed.

She knew he was flawed. And still cared for him. For the all of him.

Like he cared for her. The all of her. The wry humor, the patience, the worry she showed in her own way, the exasperation, the silliness, the vulnerability and highs and lows, the give and the take-

People he cared about, cared about him too. And he knew that. Of course he did, but sometimes a reminder had a way of sneaking up on you before blindsiding you with something raw.

Affection. Wonder. Why wonder though? He knew these things didn't he? But sometimes things being spelled out-

She thought all of that of him? She deemed him that important to her?

That was kind of amazing. But it was a surprise, and not a surprise in equal measure.

Because they were friends right? Slowly, gradually, over time they got to this point. Somewhere odd, but strangely comfortable and obvious right?

"Oh," He manages to get out a watery laugh. His vision is misting but he's all grins again. A bright smile has broken across his face as the confusion is blown  away by something giddy.

He slips past the hands on his cheeks, and gives her a hug again. Because why not? How could he not? Not with this odd happy buzz coursing through his lines. The tears would just have to get free reign for a bit. "Neat. Cool. So what do I have to do? Does this mean I get to be one of your 'super best friends?'"

Muddy

Arguably, she was rushing into things - like she had done before and always seemed to do, especially with amica endurae. Jitter had earned the title from her because they were both mechs stumbling into the multiverse and wanted to have an amica to count on if they ever got lost or overwhelmed. Blackout was rewarded with the title after he had taken initiative to search for her while she was lost in the grey and took care of Rigel and Starflare in her absence. Megatron became her amica because he was always willing to act as a pillar of strength for her when disaster struck.

But then Jitter found love and ran away while Blackout became jealous and hateful, and when Megatron got busy with rebuilding Cybertron Blackguard started to wonder if it was them or her. In some cases fault could be found with them, but in all of the cases she was at fault. She rushed into everything, she declared love for them because they had helped her, and made that dependency the foundation of their relationship. It was why she started pushing Sideswipe (and others) away when Redstrike left to go to war; She didn't want to be dependent on them, to fall back into the cycle of rushing into things, and making a moment into a bigger deal than it actually was.

But Sideswipe pushed back. He insisted he was capable of helping her, of comforting her, and doing whatever she needed if she'd only ask for it first - or nothing at all if she truly wanted that. Whatever she needed, he'd provide because they were friends and that's what friends did for each other.

And she cracked.

Maybe this was another disaster in the making. Maybe she was rushing into something again. Maybe they were doomed but she didn't care. She loved him now and he loved her in return, and that was all that mattered at the moment.

"Oh." She mimics him, teasing because it was such a simple word that somehow said so much. Oh, that's why. Oh, wow, you really do care. Oh, this is really happening.

Her arms quickly wrap themselves around him again, falling back into the usual position of an all-consuming, lovingly crushing hug that she had grown use to giving him. A little extra squeeze was given as she chuckles, tickled by his adorable questions and feeling a wave of warmth spread through her frame. "Yeah, you're going to be one my super best friends. And all you have to do is stand back from me a bit, okay?"

Wily

He shakes his helm at the request, but makes no move to let go. Not at first. He allows himself to remain anchored to her for at least a good couple of minutes before he finally relents, tries to wipe his face on his shoulder (the tears just smear), and shuffles back.

Amica Endura. This isn't a title that existed where he was from, and he only learned about it recently. And maybe that unfamiliarity didn't give the words the same weight that they held elsewhere. The same kneejerk meaning.

They didn't need to.

No, the fact that they meant something meaningful to Blackguard, was enough to make it meaningful to him. It meant something to her, and was something precious from where she was from and she was willing to share that with him. That spoke volumes.

Even if titles weren't as clear to him friendship was.

Friendship was a simple yet complicated thing after all. An intricate collection of thousands of little moments and feelings, good and bad that summed together made a bond. A meaningful bond. Through thick or thin right? Like a collection of little threads that could strengthen or fray. It wasn't always easy to maintain them, but they could be added too and the resulting bonds were more than worth it. The care and love and shared experiences good and bad were worth it.

So he didn't know what to expect. He didn't know the customs, and barely remembered the title 'Amica Endura' meant a moment ago. But nevertheless, as a giddy anticipation burned through him. As the knot in his throat grew, he stood expectently and waited. Albeit a little antsy. "Like this?"

Muddy

A couple of seconds versus a couple of minutes versus a couple of hours; There's not much difference between the three beats of time in comparison to the long lasting lifespan of a Transformer. So when you've got two mechs who thrive off of physical affection, extended hugs are bound to happen without anybody noticing or complaining about them - especially in rare moments like these where trouble was put off to the side and happiness was brought to focus. Happiness, and love.

"Just like that." Blackguard assures, 'smilingly' brightly, and resettles into her knelt position before closing her optics. Drawing in a long cycle of air, she holds the breath in her system for a moment before slowly releasing it, the multiple layers of protective metal and plating on her chassis folding back as she exhaled until there was nothing - absolutely nothing - between her spark and Sideswipe.

She opens her optics then casts away her visor, looking directly at him as the light of her spark illuminates his face.

"I bid you stand in the glow of my spark that you may feel the heat of my words and know them to be true. I invite you to receive my light and in doing so becoming Amica Endura—from now until forever. For your kindness and your love of life, both your's and everyone around you. For your boundless energy and your endless humor. For your optimism and your hope." Her digits twitch and in an act of impulse, Blackguard takes Sideswipe's hands in both of hers, then squeezes them. "As you are to me, may I be to you—today, tomorrow, and always."

Wily

He's stunned.

It takes a moment for his helm to catch up with what he's seeing. He hears the mechanisms in her plating unlatch and fold back. Then there's a light washing them both out, bleaching their colors pale.

Oh.

It's the light of the all of her. And he doesn't know what to do.

Plenty of people had seen Sideswipe's spark before. Mostly during medical checks or as they peiced him back together. So for the longest time Sideswipe knew that exposing it was something that should be avoided simply from a survival perspective.

In the last few years he had learned that there could be more to it than that. He had learned the other implications. What it meant to others to show this part of you. In a variety of ways. He learned through listening, talking, and growing with a love.

Your spark was everything you were. Your core. Your soul. If some were to believed an imprint of your memories. Showing it meant you were at your most vulnerable. To expose it to someone willingly...that meant trust, right? An immense trust.

He didn't know what to expect for this, what she would do, but he hadn't expected this. So, snaps back to the present, pieces together the implications, and it makes him feel lightheaded. Bowled him right over again.

So he stands there brows knitted, optics wide as the air catches in his vent. He tries to say something, but can't. But that's fine because Blackguard is talking instead... Making a pledge of friendship that thunders in his helm, and makes his bottom lip wobble.

So he sucks in a breath, and forgets the curtain of cleanser welled in his optics because it doesn't really matter if he can see. It's really bright anyways.

"I," there for sure are tears but he's never been one to be ashamed to feel things. Why should he? Especially when those things are happy. "I... I don't know what to- You mean all that? I- what am-? Am I supposed to do something back? Like trust falls? I-"

So for a moment he fidgets and panics, and flusters about feeling suddenly on the spot because he's not sure what he should be doing with himself. But if it's a show of trust-

He finally exhales, and his own plating fold back exposing his own light. Spinning like a young star behind the crystal casing, before that shifts back too.

He suddenly looks a little unsure and teary, but still awed under it all. "Um. I'm not whole like you are, and I just have the pieces but..um... samesies?"

A pause.

"....Wow. That was lame of me. Did I just  ruin the thing?"

Muddy

In hindsight, Blackguard realizes a little too late that she should have gone over the intricacies of the ritual with him and spare him the feeling of being lost and overwhelmed in a foreign ceremony. It would have been the polite and intelligent thing to do anyway, but her eagerness to move forward with him pushed aside any and all forethought she could have had at the moment and hurdled them both into the ritual without any hesitation.

That kind of made things a little more special though too, in its own unique way. No two proposals she had previously gone through were the same, but this one was now a special little case of its own because she chose to bare her spark to him and cite the amicable chant, which she hadn't done for the others, and he returned the gesture. It was an unnecessary but wholesome move that forever made the moment special in her spark.

"No." She laughs and pulls one of her hands back to wipe at her optics a moment, whisking away the joyful tears that refused to stop leaking out despite her best efforts to keep them locked down. "No, you did great. What you said was perfect, Sides. Thank you."

And with nothing left to say, with all their love and their truths and their souls laid out, Blackguard pulls Sideswipe in for one last hug - carefully, to keep her spark from lining up with his and doing things it needn't do between them. It still reacts to the presence of another though, glowing brighter as if to reach out with its light, and burning hot in her core. She ignores the urges it feeds her and squeezes with all the strength she dare to use on the little lambo, turning to 'kiss' the top of his helm. "Thank you, Sideswipe. For everything."

Wily

The hug is more than a relief. It's an assurance that he didn't mess up. But more than that it gave him something to do with all that building excited energy. So he clings to her again, teary and laughing even though he doesn't completely understand why. But this feels important.

His crystal casing folds back over his spark, shattering the light through it's surface. And eventually chest plates follow, but even with the light of the room dimmer he's still so very bright.

He feels the press to his helm and laughs, watery as it sounds. "Thanks? I should thank you too." For not writing him off as a dumb kid. For listening. For being there.

He cuddles closer before tipping his helm up, "Sorry for improvising. So is it official? Super special friend status?"

Muddy

"We're official." Another 'kiss' is pressed to the side of his helm and Blackguard gives him one last loving squeeze before pulling away - if only to get enough space to cover up her sparkchamber without pinching him in the process. "Super special best amica friends for life. Or until you get sick of me." She hums, pulling him back in and rocking him around for a bit. "Cause unfortunately for you, I like you too much to get tired of you. So you're stuck with me forever."

Wily

He's laughing, and teary. Once her chest closes back up, as if magnitized, he falls right back against her so those hugs can resume. He doesn't want to let go. Not yet, when he feels flooded by that affection he so desperately craves. "Usually *sniff* I'm the one saying that. So I guess that means you're stuck with me until you get sick of me too."

And you know? He was fine with that. For the long haul, if it meant more moments that felt like this

[chainofclovers]

Cancer and Pisces (because there have been some really fascinating answers to these two and I want more!)

Thanks, Luthien! Despite the unexpected delay I’m very excited to answer these. :D

cancer: how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

I know this ask is likely about *especially* emotional scenes, scenes with a significantly strong emotional experience, but I’ll be a bit pedantic and say that every scene is an emotional scene. Every sensory detail I write, every setting, is in service of the articulated or unarticulated or half-articulated emotions one or more characters are experiencing. And I guess that’s “how” I write emotional scenes: by trying very hard to use the tool I have (language) to create a physical, three-dimensional descriptive experience to capture emotion.

I experience emotions while I write, but I’m pretty sure I don’t feel the emotions the characters feel–or at least it’s not a one-to-one. I don’t have to channel sadness to write a character’s sadness, I don’t feel overwhelmed with joy even if a character is, etc., although I do spend a lot of time dwelling in what I imagine those characters do feel. What I tend to feel myself–especially when I’m enjoying the writing process and feel like that whole physical detail + expressed emotion thing is working well–is a very strong emotion I can only describe as “YUP, I’M WRITING THIS!” If I’m writing fic and it’s about love, the emotion intensifies to “YUP, I’M WRITING THIS AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SOOOOO MUCH!!!” That feeling is like a portal into being able to put myself compassionately yet critically into the physical and emotional reality of a character in order to articulate their experience as only an external narrator could! (This probably explains why I almost never write in first-person.) 

So, yeah, every scene is emotional even if the emotions are pretty low-stakes, and what I personally feel isn’t my own sadness or joy or anger but a very intense empathy.

pisces: how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

Oof, while I know this would possibly change my writing in ways that I wouldn’t actually want, I really wish I was better during the idea/imagination stage at seeing scenes I want to write like a movie without words flowing! I’m pretty visual and imaginative, so I do see the scenes I write like a movie in my head, but the problem is this: the second I start to see that movie, it’s accompanied by lots and lots of words, including some, like, disembodied third-person narrator words very similar to the words that I’d actually want to write were I at my computer or a notebook instead of, you know, my car or the shower or a movie or the office. Sometimes I spend too much time in this non-writing part of the process that’s actually just writing inside my head with a movie accompanying the words, and it feels redundant and frustrating to write. I try to stave that off by free-writing my thoughts as I remember them and/or by outlining a bit of a story to-do list for myself so that I don’t lose the structure. And I know, realistically, that the words in my head are probably a shitty first draft rather than a full-fledged finished product. I still wish I could have the experience of a purely visual idea and words that would wait for the keyboard to come out.

From the Zodiac Writer Ask Meme.

[pagerunner-j]

So: writing.

I haven’t written any fic in ages. I’ve had ideas bouncing around for a while, but long story short, morale was low. A project came up, though, that sounded like a good excuse to bust one of those concepts out of the closet, and I started tinkering around with it this week to see if it might work. Of course, I promptly realized it’ll be WAY too long, sooooo...yeah, I’ll have to go back to one of the other ideas instead.

Still, I’ll probably have to finish this one eventually, too, because now I’m invested. Dammit. ;)

For now: have the first draft of the first section as a preview. Future!Keyleth goes back to Whitestone to inspect something very interesting up for auction...

--

The placard in the display case read, Lot 19: Automaton clock, 830-835 PD, Whitestone Society of Artists and Artisans.

The label was understated, but the tabletop timepiece was anything but. It resembled a classical building, surrounded by miniature figures. A small bird perched on the rooftop, viewing everyone below. Most curiously, at least unless you knew Whitestone’s history, a bear had pride of place before the front door. It was rearing up on its hind legs, standing taller than the townspeople. None of them seemed afraid of him. One even seemed to be offering something, although she, and everything else, was suspended in motion. The delicate handle on the back of the clock suggested its potential. The stern guard standing nearby also suggested its value.

The woman who’d walked up to see it did her best to ignore the guard—a tall order, considering he was a very tall half-orc—and bent closer to the case.

Her reflection in the glass was faint, but it still showed the vivid red of her hair and the intent flicker of her eyes. She’d dressed in muted, formal clothes like everyone else, but she moved like they fit uncomfortably. Her short hair was brushed down far enough to cover her pointed ears, but her sun-bronzed complexion and freckled nose still stood out in this town, as far north as it was and as close to the edge of winter. She could have disguised those features better, but doing so hadn’t felt right. Even the name she’d registered under — “K. Ashe” — wasn’t exactly a lie. She could only hope that no one would think she was more interesting than the extraordinary artifacts in this room. So far, she’d been proven exactly right.

After all, the Frederickstein-Graves collection, built up over the years by cousins and companions of Whitestone’s ruling family, ran toward the esoteric. It also kept an eye to local history. Ms. Ashe had surveyed the catalog already, which included an elaborate game set dating back to the re-opening of continental trade routes (lot 9) and an unusual harp by a 10th-century artificer famous for her impossible-to-mimic performances (lot 12). But the prize items claimed connection to Whitestone’s greatest villains and heroes. Ms. Ashe had already overheard an enthusiastic discussion about a set of onyx jewelry that once passed through the hands of Lady Briarwood. It came complete with legends about a curse. From the sounds of it, that was somehow adding to the lot’s appeal. She hadn’t even wanted to ask.

But then there was this clock.

Whitestone’s renowned artisans’ society was founded by Percival Frederickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, said the catalog on page 32, where she’d left a slender bookmark. De Rolo was Whitestone’s original Sophist of Native Ingenuity and member of the legendary group Vox Machina. This automaton clock, styled in the manner of his clock tower installation, dates from the period of his involvement with the guild and was gifted directly to the Frederickstein family. He has been credited in family documents as the maker of this timepiece.

Ms. Ashe, who had some familiarity with de Rolo handiwork, reached back into distant memories for a comparison. It took more effort than she was expecting. Suppressing a wince, she tilted her head to see the clock at a better angle.

“Magnificent craftsmanship, isn’t it?” said someone behind her. When she glanced up at the glass, she saw a young woman in a tailored suit, with her dark hair bound in a tidy braid. Her smile was just as tight, just as precise. “It’s truly something to see it up close.”

“It really is,” the redhead agreed. She straightened and turned around. “Jewel of the collection, everyone’s saying.”

“For once, the wisdom of the masses is entirely correct.” The woman’s smile had gone a touch condescending. “I traveled all the way from Rexxentrum to see it. It’s good to know the journey wasn’t wasted.”

“Did you now.”

“Indeed.” She proffered a hand. “Celia Corrigan-Whitburn. And I suppose you’ll be one of my rivals at auction, Miss…?”

“Ashe,” she answered, and then, somewhat awkwardly, “Kiki, specifically. To my friends. And the occasional rival.”

“Kiki. Really. Well, that’s charming.” Celia smiled again, mostly to the guard. “I don’t suppose I could persuade you to show us the clock in motion?”

“That’s a question for one of the specialists, ma’am.”

“Of course. Could you call one over, please?”

His expression didn’t change, but he touched his earpiece and murmured something Kiki couldn’t hear. She reflexively reached up to her own ear, touching the jewel that still hung there, but as ever, it remained perfectly silent.

Celia, who was speaking again, didn’t seem to notice.

“I was sent to inspect this at the behest of my employers,” she said. “We specialize in far more complex devices, but we still appreciate the classics. Especially when their makers are so interesting. Ah, there we are.”

The auction specialist, a tall human woman with an aquiline nose, nodded a greeting. “I understand you’re interested in the de Rolo clock.”

“Are you saying that’s its official provenance, then?”

“We can’t say it with 100% certainty, but all the hallmarks we’re aware of are there. I can show you one or two of them. Just a moment.”

While the guard hovered close by, she produced a small key and unlocked one side of the display case. Then she reached in with one gloved hand and pointed.

“That right there, of course, is the famous trained bear that belonged to the reigning de Rolos,” she said. “Trinket, by name. You’ll see him in motifs across Whitestone even today.”

“Trinket,” Celia repeated wryly. “Whatever inspired that name for a bear?”

“We don’t actually know,” the specialist admitted. “Much of Vex’ahlia’s history before becoming Baroness remains vague. But the popular theory is that since her husband was so clever in crafting trinkets, the bear was nicknamed thus to prove he was one of her own.”

Ms. Ashe, who knew that that wasn’t the story at all, twisted her lips but kept her mouth shut.

“The building is a stylized representation of a de Rolo property,” the specialist went on, indicating architectural details and commenting over a few. “Back in the 9th century, it was a shop. Part of the economic renaissance of Whitestone after being reclaimed from the Briarwoods.”

“It was a bakery,” Ms. Ashe added, unable to help herself this time. “The Slayer’s Cake. You can see part of the logo on the sign.”

The specialist’s eyes lit up. “Good eyes. Yes, that’s the name we have on record.”

“Again with the strange titles,” Celia remarked. “Slaying cakes?”

Kiki felt like she had to reply. “It was a tongue-in-cheek reference to another guild. The Slayer’s Take. Still exists, but under a different name and very different regulations. They hunted a few things too close to extinction, so now they claim to be about responsible wildlife management and environmental stewardship.” She quirked an eyebrow. “I understand a druid or two nudged them in that direction.”

Celia sniffed. “The Green Coalition at work again. We’ve had debates with them about our mining operations.”

“I imagine you have,” Kiki said under her breath.

“So what was the connection between the Slayer’s Take and a bakery?” Celia asked.

“The bakery founders used to be members,” said the specialist. “It was something of a retirement venture, after they were done with the adventuring life.”

“Actually, they opened it slightly before they fought…” Kiki began, then shook her head and waved a hand. “But close enough.”

The specialist turned to her. “So you’re also a student of local history.”

“Something like. Just…long experience.” Kiki shrugged one shoulder and changed the topic. “But this clock. Anyone could make a clock themed around the city. Is there a maker’s mark to identify it?”

Celia nodded as if she also wanted to know. The specialist gently tilted the clock back to show the symbol on the base. “The mark is for the artisans’ society,” she said. “We have a chart of different iterations of this logo. This is the earliest, the one Lord de Rolo personally designed. It didn’t acquire the double border until the 850s.”

“Hmm,” Kiki said, studying the little symbol.

“Also, the way the figures move is very typical of his work. Let me show you.” She set it back down and delicately wound the clock.

Celia bent closer this time. Kiki, her attention caught, didn’t move. She just held her breath and waited as the gears turned and the hands realigned, and the figures began gradually to stir.

“Look here,” said the auction specialist, indicating the townspeople in motion. “The articulation is particularly clever. My favorite is the woman offering a pastry to the bear.”

Kiki whispered something that might have been a name, but no one else heard it. The clockwork bear, though, lifted his head and seemingly looked straight out through the glass at her.

“The scene’s all very prosaic, isn’t it,” Celia said. “You’re right, though; the craftsmanship is terribly clever. There’s familiar techniques here, actually. I’ve seen clockwork like this before. Might lend credence to a few theories.”

The bear took a polite sniff of the pastry. Kiki’s side glance was less friendly. “What sort of theories do you mean?”

“That there really were ideas exchanged between Mr. de Rolo and our company founder. Maybe even outright collaboration.” She paused. “Well. Our honorary founder, I should say. The original inventor of the rifles that we licensed and continued developing. Did I mention I work in weapons manufacturing?”

“You might have left that out,” Kiki said thinly. “Are you speaking of…”

Celia’s tone turned conspiratorial. “Dr. Anna Ripley,” she answered with a smile. “She may still be a controversial figure, but I’ve always found her fascinating. And I’ve studied both her works and those of her competitors for a very long time.”

The clock chimed, and the bird on the rooftop opened its beak in a warning caw. Kiki, struck dumb, distantly felt that it might have been laying on the dramatic irony a bit thick.

The specialist, who’d missed that exchange while listening to something over her earpiece, closed and locked the case before nodding to them both. “If you’ll excuse me, it seems I have another auction-goer to speak to. But it’s good to see your interest. If you have other questions, come find me. I’ll be here until the end of the afternoon.”

“Of course,” Celia said, smiling brightly. “Thank you.”

The specialist walked off. Celia, too, readied to go. She faced Kiki again, though, and gave her one more little smile. It was taking on distinct shades of a smirk. “I hope you understand my interest in this item now, at least.”

“I do,” Kiki said, her voice low.

“And if I might ask—because now I’m curious—what brought you here to bid on this?”

She thought about it. “History,” she said at last. “Legacy. And a certain personal interest.”

“Care to share what kind?”

Kiki met her gaze levelly. “No.”

Celia’s eyebrows lifted. Then she started to laugh. “Well. You’ll make for an interesting competitor after all. But I’ll warn you, the Whitburn Company coffers run deep.” She winked. “I’ll see you at the auction, Miss Ashe.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Kiki said, and watched Celia go. The woman’s heels clicked rhythmically on the stone floor, almost mechanical in their precision, and only slowly grew quieter until they were lost in the sound of the crowd.

Kiki let out a long, long breath when she was gone. She looked briefly at the guard, who didn’t react, then slowly returned to the case. He didn’t seem bothered when she pressed one hand to the glass for support, at least. And if he was listening when she murmured one last thing aloud, she found she didn’t care.

“Oh, buddy,” Keyleth said to the little clockwork bear. “This just got a lot more complicated.”

Trinket roared his agreement before slowly, slowly winding down, going silent and still once more.