#i have sooooo much more to say about this but i’ll be way more articulate in a fic

[kakushigotofanclub]

Currently thinking about Senjuro turning 21 and realizing he’s officially older than his big brother ever got to be.

[yapsession]

Ughhjdhhshshei I miss him

Keb I miss you

Kev,,gh ,,, 💤💤💤💤💤💭💭

I love the way you talk, the way you articulate your sentences, your unique vocabulary; how your voice softens when you’re tired and I love hearing you say my name. Thats not much but it makes me feel special, why? It’s just my name! But he’s saying it, he’s saying!! It!!!! I love when you call me by those stupid nickname names, none of them even being remotely romantic but they’re funny and I can always appreciate your humor and jokes. How can I help myself! I can’t even calm my smile when I speak with you, I don’t even notice it sometimes because smiling has become my resting face when I speak with you. (which is great for my mental health but god, SMILEE LINESsss) Ohhhh and how I LOVE when I make you laugh, It fills me with this indescribable joy. Your laughter is just so, so beautiful and I want nothing more than to hear more of it. This is all so incredibly corny but I don’t think I could ever say this to him so I’ll just write it out. Guyssss, kevs normal speaking voice too is so scrumptious. Okay, listen and hear me out for a moment; when he speaks with me his voice gets a tad higher (nothing crazy but he speaks to me in this tone and doesn’t sound as tired ?)(

BUT (LET ME FINISHHHHH!!! GOSH WAIT CHAT

When he’s talking to anyone else (as I would describe, normal talking voice) his tone is more monotonous yet it sounds like he’s tired and god it’s hot. He’s probably call me a freak if I ever said that to him straight up but Jesus that man needs to know that his voice is sooooo attractive. I don’t remember if I actually did this or I dreamt it but I’m pretty sure I’ve told him on multiple occasions that’s I like his voice (?) I can’t be so sure since I speak to him during the night often and I am normally very dazed and tired during those hours so it is very hard for me to differentiate between dreams and shit that actually happened. OH GUYS LISYEN

It’s so attractive when he does this but uhm

When he tells me to continue speaking or when he encourages me to finish a phrase or sentence. Like oh my god have my kids. What …….

there’s nothing more attractive than a man listening likeee oh so you wanna get married and have three kids? ? Hahhahahah I need him.

Oooooo listen kev fans (me)

Okay when he stretches 🛐 yum, I could literally write a religion on how sexy that is

And

When he like ? Idk what’s the word, Murmurs??? Yeah, I guess? When he gets sleepy and speaks alll soft and he’s practically just murmuring all his words and i genuinely feel my heart literally about to fail because of what that does to me, like I jus tell him to not speak to me like that (I will have his babies) and he continues… to teaseeeee like mister you’re playing a very dangerous game but am I gonna stop him? No! Like, stop itttt!!! I won’t try to stop you though ❤️. OH AND WHEN HE GETS THAT WAY heeeee oh my goshshshshhs he calls my name sometimes and god it’s so attractive. Thinking about it right now makes my chest feel all funny. Im sad I didn’t get to hang with him today, if ANY gal hung out with him today I want that lucky b word to just idk I dony kneo have a good day 😕 lemme have my man tomorrow cause I miss him

Oh last time I called him right?

It was my brothers birthday (2 days ago) and I was doing my hair and some makeup since we were going out for his birthday, a simple look but I had a lot of distractions so it took a while to finish this simple ass makeup. He basically wanted to play Fortnite with me (cute, right???!) and I obviously accepted even though I was like in the middle of getting ready and we play like 3-4 rounds I can’t remember but I end up needing to leave!! (Sad but booo had to wait) and before hanging up I had to build up so much courage to call him by this stupid nickname (kevy boo) after I called him that he chucked (that sweeet laugh of his) and said bye. I honestly smiled so much after that, he didn’t call me nothin back but that didn’t matter! His reaction alone made me smile and I wanted to just blab to my whole family about how I called him that silly name. It wasn’t a big deal but I was happy I did it.

It honestly takes a lot of courage for me to do anything like that, I mean if we were dating I wouldn’t have such a hard time since oh he’s mine it’s okay but WERE not a thing so ofc I have to do mental gymnastics when I do something as simple as calling him a dumb nickname!

Oh and omg guysss that same day right? He went to go eat and I was just sitting, doing my makeup watching YouTube and talking to my older cousin and thw topic of him came up! And I was like oh yeah btw he’s just eating rn, i wish that was me and it was funny since we both looked at eachother flabbergasted.

But I’m mentioning this lil interaction cause moments after my cousin leaves to go do something downstairs so I’m just doing my makeup and watching my video and ooh! Kevs back and he says hey guys what are we talking about and his voice sounded …. Idk how to describe his tone but HE KNEW SOMETHING and I didn’t want to admit to saying some odd stuff just because i thought his tone was suspicious so I come up with some bullshit, I stutter like crazy and make myself look dumb. He probably knew i was lying cause it’s really hard for me to just lie to him, I mean I can lie but when it comes to him it’s hard to make it not obvious. Like I just fold

Oh I’ve folded a ton speaking to him

Because I find his voice so alluring and attractive i genuinely have moments where I have to take deep breaths to compose myself cause gahhhh dayum. I will say something inappropriate if I do not control myself and the rare occasion in which I do say some odd shit I want to just explode

GUYS HE TEXTED ME

ohmgh okay I’m done writing this teeheeehehheheheheh

[colorseeingchick]

Valentine’s Affections (Kageyama, Oikawa, Kuroo)

I adore Valentine’s day! Love is in the air and chocolate is in my stomach. But for you and these boys? Well... it’s a lil more complicated than that. 

A/N: We are going to completely ignore the fact that valentine’s day was a full 3 months ago. Love is always in the air on this blog !

Warnings: Light swearing? Maybe? Lotsa fluffy stuff beware cavities. 

Kageyama Tobio

Kageyama stares hard at the vending machine in front of him. Now, this was far from a new situation he found himself in- he found himself in front of this very vending machine every single day. But the stakes were much higher this time.

Strawberry, or chocolate? Which would be a better gift? 

Early on he decided against chocolates, cuz it felt too obvious. He opted out of a note, cuz he wasn’t articulate enough for that. And for the same reasons a verbal confession was completely out of the picture. So here he was, in front of the vending machine, hoping you would accept his love, or at the very least, the milk carton as a token of it. 

He decides on the strawberry milk, because the pink carton color reminded him of hearts, so he was hoping his love message would be real clear!! 

As he approaches you in the gym, he feels the nerves stir in his stomach. You’re surrounded by the other first years, excitedly chirping at Tsukki and Yamaguchi while Yachi and Hinata jump up and down around you (for what reasons, who knows) now that clean up is over. The second and third years weren’t that far away either. But he knew he’d have to do this sooner than later. 

Kageyama stands pensively behind you at a slight distance, awkwardly shifting weight back and forth between his feet. Finally, he finds the guts to call out to you. “Y/N...san.” Alright, maybe it was more like a mutter. No one had heard him, but Hinata had noticed his presence. 

“Kageyama! There you are.” 

All eyes shift to him, including yours. The heat rushes to his face as he hides the milk behind his back. “Boke! What do you want!” He only gets redder as his eyes meet yours. 

“Y/N-san!” He yells a bit too harshly. But you don’t flinch, you just smile. “Yes, Tobio-kun?” Gah, your voice is sweet as always, and he doesn’t even know what to say. 

Stepping towards you, he essentially shoves the milk into your hands before turning around and marching out the door. 

You stare at the carton quizzically, while the boys in the gym collectively let out a heavy sigh. 

“Was that… supposed to be a confession?” Daichi’s disbelief was evident.

“He does that every day though,” Hinata comments, clueless. 

“But today’s Valentine’s day, there’s probably more to it, right?” Ennoshita curious.  

“Of course that’s the way that idiot would do it.” Tsukki is snarky as ever. 

But you don’t hesitate to run back into the club room, a determined look glued to your face. 

“Y/N san! Where are you going?” Hinata calls. 

“Let them be, Hinata. They have something to take care of.” Suga has a glint of amusement in his eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kageyama tries to calm down as he aggressively drinks his chocolate milk. But he’s jittery all over when you pop up next him. 

“Tobio-kun, did ya really think you could just throw me a box of milk and then split? On Valentine's day? Tsk Tsk.” You smile as you move to stand in front of him. Words are far from his physical capacity at the moment, so he opts to just stare at you instead.

“But by the way,” you pull the carton from behind your back in your left hand, and shake it in front of him, “Accepted.” He feels his heart melt in relief. You understood what he meant. At least he thinks you do. You always understood him somehow, even though he wasn’t great at communicating. 

“And also…” Your right hand appears now, a small box of cutely wrapped chocolates snuggly fit into your palm, “this is for you. Please, accept it.”

His eyes go wide in shock. For some reason, this was not what he had expected (though everyone else knew it was coming). His heart now swells with an indescribable feeling that he never wants to stop experiencing. 

“And this too... unless you want me to stop...” He doesn’t know how else you could potentially make him fall apart more than he already had- but he got his answer when your hand grabbed onto his collar and tugged him down to your height. You placed a slow and gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Tobio-kun, I like you.” Yeah, his heart wasn’t ready for that one. 

Oikawa Tooru

“Thank you, Suki-chan!” “So sweet, Maki-chan!” “These are delicious, Haru-chan!” First period hadn’t even begun and Oikawa had already been swarmed with gifts. But despite the time he spent basking in the affections of his little fans, his eyes were trained on you, watching as you happily handed Iwaizumi a cute little box of chocolates. Oikawa saw how his best friend smiled, and he saw the way you buried your face into Iwa’s chest when he hugs you. He decides to ask you about it at practice. 

“Y/N-chan!! You know what day it is today!” 

“How could I forget when I see my favorite setter drowning in more chocolates than usual?” He ignores the unidentifiable tone in your voice and presses on. 

 “I saw you give Iwa-chan some~” 

“Yes I did.” 

“Sooooo~”

 “....so what?” 

“Where are mine?” 

“...I…”

 Iwaizumi steps in, his hand protectively grabbing your shoulder. “What’re you harassing Y/N for, Shittykawa. You got enough chocolates already didn’t you? No need to be greedy.” Your eyes are glued to the floor, but Oikawa just sighs and waves it off. 

“Sorry, sorry, Y/N-chan! I just figured your chocolates would be so tasty I was jealous Iwa got some~ but I’ll be waiting for them next time!” If only you knew, I would rather eat a single one of your sweets than all the other sweets combined.

He tries to forget the incident until he hears his doorbell ring at 9 pm. “Tooru! You have a friend who’s come to see you!” He’s surprised to see you waiting at his gate, face flushed, breath ragged, and hair ruffled.

 “Oikawa-san!” You say with determination. “Y/N...chan?” He walks towards you, confusion and concern clear on his face.

“Oikawa-san…” the confidence fading as he comes near. You look away from his face as you outstretched your hands, a cute, small pink box with a tiny bow on it in hand. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you chocolates earlier today….I just....” your hands retreat to your body, box still grasped. You look down at your feet once again, so you can’t see his eyes go wide. “I thought about making you some sweets yesterday but, I always knew you had so many fangirls and I didn’t wanna get in their way, or worse, make you see me as one of them… so I didn’t. I’m sorry. I, I didn’t consider you would feel left out. So I made these for you after school! Will you please accept them!” 

You look up at him finally, only to see tears streaming down his face. “Oikawa san? Are you okay? I’m sorry if I said something that-” 

“I’m sorry Y/N-san, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. But are they really for me?”

 “Mhm!” You hand them over, in anticipation of what he would do next. He opens the box, pops a chocolate into his mouth, and then smiles. 

“Just as I expected- it’s perfect.” He steps towards you once again, and wraps his arms around you, tightly. “You’re nothing like the rest of them, yanno. You’re very special to me.” 

Kuroo Tetsurou

“Happy Single’s Awareness day!” You sing-song at the boys standing in front of your gate, the sun peeking out over the horizon. 

“Just jumping over Valentines, then?” Kenma asks you, his face hidden in his switch. 

“Yep! Nope! Not for me~ don’t need a valentine!” You’re carefree as you stroll ahead of the two of them, hands thrown behind your head. “Giving Valentine’s are dumb. Right, Kuroo!”

Kenma takes his time to pull his nose away from his switch to let his cat like gaze fall on his best friend, who’s been awfully quiet this morning. He knows why. 

“Do you agree, Kuroo?” He asks, probing. 

“...Yep. What type of headass buys into Valentines-” He criticizes. 

Kenma knocks Kuroo’s bag with his elbow, his gaze transforming into a glare. You do, Kuroo. No chickening out. 

Kuroo’s grasp on the bag resting on his shoulder tightens, well aware of what he has to do. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After school was over and practice was done, Kenma got dropped off at home because he wanted to go home early, for some reason. So now it’s just you and Kuroo, laying on the hill by the bridge, bathing in the hues of orange and pink as the sun sets slowly. 

You stretch out on your back, relaxing onto the grass underneath you. “Man, did ya see all those idiots handing out valentine’s? So cheesy.” You close your eyes and pull your hands up to cushion your head, turning your chin up. Kuroo rests on his elbow, angled so that he can watch you as you talk, his hand scratching his head soothingly.

“ Who wants dumb chocolates anyways? You think these chicks would get sick of all the chocolates they get. Hmph.” He watches as your mouth twitches down, eyes squeezed tight. 

To be fair, both of you were acting...different today. Kuroo can read you like a book, and even how he can still pick out the unease you’ve been tryna hide all day. But his own nervousness and jitters keeps him quiet. 

As you both sit in silence, stewing in your feelings, Kuroo lets out a deep sigh. Now or never. You hear him rustle in his bag as he pushes something over to you. You open your eyes to see a small box by your shoulder with a cute lil cat sticky note pressed onto it- reading, “be Mine, Valentine? :3” 

You freeze for a second, processing what he pushed over to you. You look up at Kuroo, who’s now turned his back to you, sleeping on his side. 

You open the box and find a cute cat bracelet inside. “Kuroo?” 

“You’ve been trashing valentine’s chocolates for a while now- so I figured I’d get you something better. It’s cheesy, I know. Don’t “at” me.” He stays, turned away from you. 

You take your time to pull the bracelet out the box, letting heat rise to your face. 

“Did you do this just because…? To make me feel better, or-”

“Still a headass huh.” He finally turns around, and you’re glad to see that his own face is as red as yours feels. 

“Kuroo… do you, like me?”

“Damn, you’re gonna make me say it huh?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah I like you. Now hurry up and reject me so we can go back to being normal and I can get over my damn nerves. I hate not being myself.” He mutters as his lips twitch into a pout as he rests his bedhead into the grass, hands caressing his neck. 

You take a second before crawling over to him, watching him in silence. 

“You’re an idiot, too, ya know.” He peaks one eye open, to give you a questioning look. “Now help me put this bracelet on.”

“You like it?”

“I love it. I’m never taking it off.”

“You serious?!”

“Of course I’m serious.”

His Cheshire grin breaks out onto his face as he sits up, closing the gap between you two.

“Oh? Does someone like me back?”

“Yeah someone does. Now are you gonna help me or not.”

In that moment, you don’t think anything can compare to the sheer joy in Kuroo’s eyes as he carefully clasps the bracelet onto your wrist, wrapping his strong fingers around yours.

Copyright © 2021 Colorseeingchick. All rights reserved. Do not repost or copy.

[seijorhi]

asks :)

once again, i’m terrible at answering things :)

First off, your newest Kuroo story WRECKED ME. OMMMMMG LIKE IT'S SOOO FUCKING GOOD. You are one of the most incredible writers ever, like professional style writing. These should be books and you should get paid for it, honestly. Your skill is totally unmatched, my friend. I just adore everything you write. I had two questions thou about the story, just because I am totally obsessed by it- so has Kuroo been obsessed with her since he saw her, I'm like curious how his obsession started 

like is it because she's young and he's interested? Cuz I totally got the vibes at the party that he was showing her off like she was his girlfriend and he seems like he has been wanting her for awhile. I was just curious about how it started cuz god I'm a simp for yandere kuroo- boss man Kuroo would make me weakkkkk. My second question is so is he like obsessively in love with her or is it like just a this hot piece of ass is mine to fuck kinda thing? Like does he want a relationship?

anyways, I love you and I love your writing. Everything you write is legit perfection! Thank you for all your beautiful stories you share with us! - Kai

first of all, whomst gave you the right to be so damn sweet???!?! dsgsjkl thank you, bby!

so, like with all my fics i kind of have a ‘read into it how you want’ thing going for it. whether or not kuroo actually has ‘romantic’ (i use that word loosely) feelings for the reader or whether he just enjoys fucking her because he’s in a position of power and she’s easily manipulated is left a little up to your interpretation and how you’d prefer to imagine it. however, having said that there are little hints throughout the fic that imply that there’s a little more depth to kuroo’s feelings. you’re not wrong with the whole ‘showing her off’ vibe at the party, and there’s mentions of confessions that kuroo gives while he’s fucking the reader - also the title of the fic, invidia, means envy in latin. so take that how you will 🤷‍♀️

and as far as how it all began, i like to think that it was kind of a slow build. again it’s implied that kuroo has met the reader (however briefly) a few times before - at games as nekoma’s manager, when she initially was introduced as his girlfriend and she has stayed over at their place in the past. it wasn’t so much a singular moment, but kuroo’s definitely been paying more attention to her than she realises. 

WHAT WHAT WHAT???? RHI UHMMM WAS KUROO IN LOVE WITH THE READER???? 👀👀👀👀 HOLY SHIT. I'm honestly mind blown rn like I have a lot of questions like did Shin know? Was he also into it? Omg the idea of Father and Son sharing reader...

(also I def did not hope that Bokuto was also there cuz that would have be fun....oppsss)🙊

hehehe

no, shin didn’t know but oh can you imagine the betrayal if he did? if he willingly set up the reader to be fucked by his dad 👀god damn

adsfgdhjfkfl there was a moment i genuinely considered having something more happen at the christmas party where bo would stumble across and one thing would lead to another.... but i decided not to go that route. this one needed to be solo kuroo haha

Rhi, what can I say, amazing as always!

ahhh thank you sm, bby!

Hi i absolutely love the kuroo fic at first no one would actually notice he was into and then story actually rises nicely however i would like to ask like what happens later im sorry im a little burnt out from my mountains of assignments that i cant think of a possible aftermath since the story had an open ending but yeah what happens later after the whole scene does y/n stay there for the 7 days and get r*ped again or she goes home early and like what happens to kuroo and shinsuke im sorry for annoying you with questions its fully up to you whether u would like to answer or not :-)

aw, thank you! I hope your assignments and stuff are all done? And pls bby, you’re not annoying me at all 💕💕💕

Honestly again, it’s kind of left up to what you like to think would happen, but personally I think that the reader stays, because there’s no easy way to get out of that situation without raising suspicion - which means that she then has to spend the next week trying unwittingly playing cat and mouse with Kuroo who’s gonna use every damn opportunity he has to push your boundaries 👀

Duuuuude invidia fucked me up! Like fuck, lol! The build up was so spectacular! It makes me wonder two things: how did kuroo’s obsession start, and what would shin have done if he caught them (and why do I feel like he’d join in... I guess it runs in the family lol).

I loved it sooooo much and im also so creeped out lol. Can’t trust other people’s dads. Everything about it was perfect!

glad you liked it, bby!!

shin’s a good boy and he genuinely loves the reader, but i think if he did stumble across the two of them he’d just shut down and walk away. it’d be the biggest betrayal in his eyes - it wouldn’t matter if you were drunk or he was, who came onto who - the two most important people in his life going behind his back would just break him :( and i think he probably wouldn’t give either of them a chance to explain

but if we’re talking degenerate shin... 👀👉👈

imagine if invidia! reader gets pregnant and Shin thinks it’s his, but its actually his dad’s 🤭

oooh kuroo would be such a smug little shit - he’d get extra touchy feely with the reader, drop ‘casual’ hints, basically doing everything outside of straight up admitting it to him, just to see how far he can push until shin starts to doubt whether he’s actually the father - when it’s just the two of you though... i think he’d be a little softer - but equally as possessive - you’re his, and so’s the kid growing inside of you

Kuroo: son do you know what a cuck is? Shinnosuke: no? Kuroo: wOULD YOU LIKE TO FIND OUT - @south-korea-cakes

dagshjskl i snorted when i read this but you’re not wrong lmao

hi rhi! i have a question about Lion’s Den! did oikawa purposely set the reader up to witness his true nature? or was it chance that she saw him kill?

no - i think he’d rather have kept you in the dark a little longer and tried to let things develop ‘organically’ but he’s not upset that you did find out the truth - gives him an excuse to move things along and take what he wants 👀

hey rhi:) soo my boyfriend of two years just broke up with me and so far a major comfort has just been rereading your stories. something about feeling desired, ya know? anyway, thanks for making me feel a little better <3 - @theofficialhufflepuff

aw i’m sorry to hear that :( i’m glad my fics can help make you feel a lil better - sending love bby! 💕

omg i adore everything in the soulmate series hello !! would any of the soulmate pairings ever end up feeling lowkey competitive w/ the other?? like all of them seem to mutually respect the other but would there ever come a point where smth pushes them into trying to outdo ur other soulmate when it comes to ur affection?

also have i mentioned how much i love ur writing bc i love ur writing

hmmm, not so much with oikawa & iwa or ushijima and tendou because i think they have pretty rock solid relationships with each other prior to the reader coming along - if they did it would only be minor stuff

the twins on the other hand - good fucking luck with them because they’ll turn everything into a competition. the moment one twin thinks you’re favouring the other too much expect to get dragged across the room and forced to spend ‘quality time’ with the other. it’s all very petty and exhausting and there is no possible chance for you to win. but thank you sweetheart!!

tonight im thinking about The Final Girl! boys forcing you to share a bed with them for the first time. With Kuroo’s face buried in the crook of your neck, one big hand palming your breast for good measure, Bo holding onto your waist, and Kaashi’s legs tangled with yours. its suffocating, really😪😓

asdgdhjdkdl suffocating? yes. now where do i sign up?? 🥺

you are so talented in writing it's crazy!! just the way you articulate things is ugh *chef's kiss*. i hope you are doing well and not receiving hate 🥺 ily pls

ahhh thank you so much, messages like these always make me so happy! ily bby! 💕

more karasuno first years soon? 👀

who’s to say?? i don’t have any full fics planned but maybe some concepts and thirsts??

if you make a yandere msby fic i’ll literally lose it i love your writing

👀i am considering it

[wanna-b-poet31]

A (maybe) 4-part meta on Good Omens: Part 1: Aziraphale’s Abuse and Trauma

SOOOOO I promised myself I wouldn’t get too obsessed with Good Omens but I’ve got some meta-thoughts. 

So, it’s no secret that abuse is prevalent in Good Omens, but the methods of abuse are interesting ultimately working as a catalyst for how Crowley and Aziraphale interact with humans, Heaven, Hell, and each other. 

Several of the characters we see in Good Omens are traumatized by the time we meet them, although some more than others. For example, Newt, for what little we see him is clearly ostracized by everyone around him and he shows signs of trauma via isolation. Until the end of the world, it’s heavily implied that he’s bullied, if not dismissed from the rest of the world due to his explosive tendencies with computers. He’s not shown to have healthy coping skills with the isolation, and although it is ultimately good he doesn’t get his job, and works with Shadwell, and meets Anathema, but he’s unable to express himself in a healthy way or handle his past.  Similarly, due to the stress of saving the world, Anathema is traumatized by the expectations of her family, of being a “descendant” of Agnes Nutters.  

But, both begin recovery journeys by beginning to assert their own needs and well-being. Newt begins forming real, relationships and coping with his loneliness by making friends and Anathema defies her family’s obligation by burning the letters. Overall, it’s a straightforward approach to begin recovering from traumatic events. 

However, Crowley and Aziraphale do not have quite as straightforward a narrative. 

Heaven is unbending. It is clear to both of them that God and her representatives punish independence, asking questions, and having any defined version of a “self”. 

Look at the photo below. It’s an environment that (per my last post) is cold, abusive, and really, isn’t a functional space. Nothing can get done reasonably in here. There aren’t any personal touches and it makes the space devoid of any sense of home. AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HEAVEN, land of milk and honey Heaven. It’s not just bland, it’s much more insidious than that. It’s false transparency, a “nothing to see here” mask that the angels use to belittle, attack, and intimidate each other. 

Then there’s the messy business of the dogmatism Heaven follows that affects Aziraphale throughout the series. We see it first in the garden that questions (a la Crowley) lead to abandonment. The fear of falling, of knowingly being discarded by people/entities that supposedly love one another is a violent space to grow up in and incentivizes the remaining angels to keep their head down and not question actions that are clearly wrong. It is Crowley who asks why it would be okay to kill kids (because it’s clearly wrong) to which Aziraphale responds: “I’m not consulted about policy decisions”. It’s clear that 1000 year after the garden he’s internalizing his conditioning. 

His behavior, especially coming from THE angel who gave away his flaming sword without any hesitation and then LIED to God about it, shows that he clearly knows right from wrong is jarring. But, it’s unsurprising, given the abusive place he is attached to. Heaven’s love for him is conditional and wholly dependant on him being able to do as he’s told, not what might be right. 

It’s also clear that Aziraphale is being abused during the events of the series. While not always physically violent (although I’ll get to that in a second), he is continuously belittled and degraded. 

Take a look at Heaven’s least favorite Asshole: Gabriel

When we are introduced to Gabriel the first few things out of his mouth are insults. Although we’ve had Aziraphale for only like 5 seconds and we already can tell how passionate he is about food. Aziraphale is eating sushi, presumably a favorite food given his familiarity with the chef, and taking some time for himself, and like a good family member offers some to his “fellow”, his “ally”, an entity who supposedly had his back. When the food is refused, it’s presented with a dismissive tone and called “gross matter” that would “sully” his body.  This is is a smack in the face to Aziraphale and he quickly lies, saying he’s only eating to keep up appearances. This shutdown of interests and likes pushes Aziraphale to be like Newt, ostracized from people who are supposed to be his friends. Then, like Anathema, his exposure to the “great plan” and what is expected of an angel is villanizes his interests, causing him to feel shame and associate his individuality and sense of the self with “wrong” or “broken”. 

This differs greatly from how Crowley and Aziraphale meet. Although we see Crowley tempt eve, they talk to each other as equals and Crowley does the one thing Heaven has never done -- tell him he’s doing a good job. There is no harm in eating or enjoying eating but he’s being treated like he’s committing some kind of sin. Crowley, in contrast, reaffirms Aziraphale’s actions and helps relieve his concerns. Gabriel, instead, aggravates his anxiety.

Then, we see Gabriel do one of the more insidious discreditings of Aziraphale’s sense of self at the bookstore.  Whereas Crowley is able to tell when there are new books in the shop and knows that losing the shop is a significant loss for Aziraphale, Gabriel can’t be bothered (more on that at the end). At some level, it’s his disdain for humanity that makes him indifferent at best about the bookstore. But, his disregard for Aziraphale’s livelihood, something that is a clear point of pride and joy, is belittling. He is demanding that Aziraphale drop everything he loves to fight the great war, and while asking to fight is not intrinsically abusive (Crowley too asks Azi to join him and fight), the dynamic is not of equals with the same motivations, rather it is clearly meant to be talking down to Aziraphale. Gabriel sees no value in the shop or his “brother” and if he can’t see it there must not be any. The blow to Aziraphale’s emotional state is apparent in the grimace he gives the two angels. 

Even when Aziraphale, (who does his best to uphold what he has been conditioned to be “right” and after many millennia has grown to trust Gabriel despite no reciprocation) DOES go to Heaven with a plan, news about where the anti-christ is and how to stop it, or push him to be neither satan no saint, he’s met with more belittlement. None of the angels at the meeting believe that Aziraphale can accomplish his goals, but worst than that, none of them are willing to give him the support he needs to achieve his goal. Sure they don’t smite him where he stands for purposing an alternative to the end of the world, but that’s not the same as being a support system he can rely on. He can’t even voice here the reasons why he cares so deeply about Earth or why they may be wrong. He is not their equals in their eyes. 

You can also see it at the park when Gabriel and Aziraphale are running, and Gabriel punches his stomach, telling our adorable angel he needs to lose the gut, devaluing Aziraphale’s worth further. Even the face he makes in the gif below is filled with condescension. He’s not taking Aziraphale, or Aziraphale’s concerns seriously. 

Which brings me to the final nail in Heaven’s abusive coffin via Gabriel. The intended violence of his “sentence” is meant to, like the fall, strike the fear of abandonment, disownment, and death into Aziraphale. There is no scenario (except the one we see) where Aziraphale is meant to make it out of Heaven alive. 

After Armaggeddon’t Gabriel, who knows Aziraphale’s intentions of diverting the apocalypse, if perhaps not the rationale, is pleased to belittle the restrained Aziraphale. There is legit joy in his face when they force Aziraphale to walk into the hellfire. 

In the above gif, you can see that not only is he being verbally abusive, throwing ill-intent insults at Aziraphale, but that he fully expects the fire to kill his supposed brother and PLEASED about it.  

LET ME REPEAT THAT. The place/people who Aziraphale is supposed to love, trust, and be loyal to are ready, and happy to, drop him at a moment’s notice. At this point, considering the layers of abuse already outlined, Aziraphale’s insistence that he can’t be on Crowley’s side because Heaven wouldn’t like it is symptomatic of someone who is longing for a genuine, honest connection and has been “raised” to believe that is Heaven, no questions allowed.   

this is not to say Heaven isn’t above physical abuse towards Aziraphale.

I’ve seen some excellent metas floating around dissecting the Crowley vs. Aziraphale  and the Angel’s vs. Aziraphale “intimidation” (although I can’t find them now, please @ them if you know them) and the bottom line is that Aziraphale is terrified by Uriel and her legion of Angels much more than Crowley ever could. Aziraphale is damn well aware of how violent the angels who aren’t even touching him can be vs. his calm response to Crowley pushing him against a wall. 

Which brings me back to Crowley and Aziraphale. Although I can (and will) do another one of these on Crowley, and dive deeper into the implications of their relationship and the closure they need/got by being on their own side. I want to take a second to articulate just how much Crowley does not (try) to do be this way to Aziraphale. 

I maintain that Crowley, is aware of Heaven’s abusive tendencies due to his fall and the subsequent fear that must have caused other angels, I do not think he’s aware of the levels of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse that heaven throws Aziraphale specifically. The way Aziraphale talks up heaven, you’d suspect he was getting awards left and right, or at least some semblance of respect. But no. In stark contrast to Gabriel, Crowley will entertain Aziraphale’s interests/passions like food and books even if they aren’t something he indulges in often himself. Whereas I said earlier Gabriel dismissed the bookshop and presupposed it was something Aziraphale would be able to drop like a rock, Crowley KNOWS that Aziraphale cares so deeply for his books, his food, and his identity as an angel, that losing any of them would be unbearable. Although Crowley pushes and sometimes goes too fast for Aziraphale, he’s not approaching Aziraphale in bad faith. 

Of the 10 observed historical meetings, we see Crowley initiate at least 6 of them (it could be said the Victorian meeting is also Crowley’s doing, but the jury is out about who called that particular meeting as Aziraphale walks toward Crowley first in that scene). We also see Crowley go out of his way to do things that make the Angel comfortable and does not once break his trust. Although he storms out 3 times in the show, he always uses it as breathing room, before once again seeking Aziraphale out, and doing his best to work on their relationship AS EQUALS. Their dynamic (Which I’ll go into more later) is not on uneven footing, and both parties treat the other with a kindness neither of them is offered by their respective worlds.  

TLDR: Crowley’s love for Aziraphale helps heal him from the abuses of Heaven

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[daxieoclock]

ok shay you dont understand i was literally scrambling through our messages on discord to find a dissidia link and now i cant pick between the kairi reunion with sora and the namixi bed sharing scene so you gotta pick for me

jdhfbghjgb Enu you absolute sweetheart thank you for the ask

they’re both kinda short scenes though sooooo por que no los dos djhfgbjh

Kairi reunion scene is in chapter 10 and the Namixi scene is in chapter 14

She'd only been there twice before, both times after Xehanort's defeat, but Kairi instantly recognized Terra, Aqua and Ventus's home: the quintuple towers and golden chains of the Land of Departure.

I don’t remember if I ever articulated what both of those times were in my head, but it’s a HC that just felt right hehe.

And there, sitting on the bottom steps leading up to the front door, was Sora.

He hopped up as soon as he saw her, that stupid grin all over his face, and then Kairi's eyes blurred over and her feet pounding against the stone courtyard.

"It's so good–" he said, and she cut him off by punching him as hard as she possibly could in the shoulder. "OW!"

Kairi’s anger, frustration and just general emotion is something I had a lot of fun exploring in DKH, and something I definitely want to do more of if I ever return to KH writing (still undecided on that). As much as I love the comedy beat of the pissed-off reunion, it’s an honest feeling I think, to be both overjoyed and infuriated by someone at the same time. And it definitely fits my interpretation of where Kairi – who has been incessantly damseled, left behind and sacrificed-for – is at this moment in her arc. Furious and bitter and just wanting to drag her dumbass bffs/bfs to safety whether they like it or not.

"It's so good–" he said, and she cut him off by punching him as hard as she possibly could in the shoulder. "OW!"

"You absolute, goddamn, stupid idiot!" Kairi shrieked. "Do you have any idea how worried I was? How worried Riku was?"

For whatever reason this makes me think of the very beginning of the story, with Riku lying awake thinking of Sora. Like...yeah. Yeah he was. And on that note, as much as I missed Sora’s presence in the story, I absolutely loved the chance to expand on Riku and Kairi’s friendship/relationship (it’s complicated; when is it ever not?) without him there. I wanted to emphasize both how much they care about each other, and how much Sora’s absence is felt nearly constantly.

"Probably," Sora said, sheepish, massaging his shoulder.

"We had to try and explain to your parents how you....you vanished into thin air, but how it's actually completely okay because you did it to save my life!"

I don’t know that I’ll ever focus too much on any of the KH characters’ biological families, but I think the Destiny trio are the closest to actually Having Any Sort Of Bond with their parents. We’ve got a vague idea of Kairi’s home life – adopted daughter of the mayor, and I’ve extrapolated her dad is kind of absent – but none of Riku’s and only the fact that Sora has a mom. But the idea of Kairi and Riku returning to the island alone, having to break the news to Sora’s parents, just stuck in my head when I was writing this.

She didn't know who embraced who first. But she was in his arms then, and he was in hers, and she squeezed him so close, so goddamn tightly.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Just hold me," she said. "Just shut up and hold me."

I think this is just a sweet moment tbh djhfgbj.

"Your hair looks longer," Kairi said, finally. They were sitting on the steps together. Her eyes had cleared, but she wasn't ready to leave this moment. "And you're missing a button on your jacket."

"Oh." Sora ran a hand through his hair in that absentminded way that he did. He laughed. "I hadn't noticed."

Liar. She knew him well enough to know when he was putting on a front, and he definitely was now. But she wasn't much better, she had refused to point out the bags under his eyes, the greyish pallor of his tan skin, the way his blue eyes seemed darker than she remembered. She couldn't speak those details, as if silence would make them go away, as if she could will away the scuff from his shoes and the dullness from the little metal crown that hung around his neck. He reminded her of how Aqua had looked after they'd rescued her, so relieved but yet so exhausted. It was the impact of that much time spent alone, that much time spent wandering, spent lost and far away from the ones you love. Kairi's grip on Sora's hand tightened.

I will never forgive Nomura’s cowardice to not show the physical, kinda traumatizing toll that years of isolation in the RoD took on Aqua. 0.8 delved into it slightly, but only in the most surface-level way. And judging by what we’ve seen from Re:Mind and MoM, the same sort of surface-level emotion is going to be applied to Sora’s ‘death’ as well. He’s almost definitely going to come out of a YEAR of complete isolation being just as chipper and bright-eyed as he’s always been, and that is something I wanted to rectify here.

I love the KH cast and I love seeing them challenged, and love watching them grow. There’s not quite enough Sora in DKH to grasp the full extent of how he’s changed after his ‘death,’ but I’d like to think we do see that he HAS changed. It’s something I touched on more directly during Riku’s reunion with Sora, but it’s present here as well.

"So, who's your friend?" He motioned with his head towards the Spirit-Namine, who sat patiently on her haunches.

"Sora, it's me," she said with a little laugh. "It's Namine."

"Oh." Sora stared at the Spirit-Namine for a moment, the gears straining in his head, and then he looked over his shoulder up the stairs, then back at her with a confused expression on his face. "Wait, weren't you sleeping inside? Why are you here and a cat? How are you here and a cat?"

But of course, even after that sort of trauma, Sora is still Sora. He’s still a goober and a softie, and I didn’t want to abandon those traits for the sake of angst.

Sora had never been very comfortable with silence, she noticed him starting to shift and adjust next to her.

ADHD Sora rights.

Kairi kept catching herself holding her breath, waiting for him to vanish or the floor to give way or her alarm to wake her up. Waiting for something to drag him away again.

He looked over his shoulder at her and smiled. "I'm not going anywhere, you know," he said.

Kairi spluttered. "What...who...shut up!" She stared at the ground, cheeks flushed, unable to acknowledge out loud that he'd read her so well.

I haven’t decided if Sora’s surprising emotional perceptiveness is a new aspect of his character or something he’s always had that hasn’t been highlighted well, but it’s definitely an interpretation of him I enjoy. Like, yeah, he’s impulsive and inattentive and kind of rude on occasion, but he’s also showed some moments of being able to read people with shocking accuracy. I think that’s a skill some Keyblade wielders have, a sort of magical hyper-empathy, and Sora definitely has it in spades without even trying.

And briefly before we go into Namixi (and speaking OF Namixi)

Xion glanced at Sora and Kairi from the middle chair and threw up a peace sign. "Hey, what's up?" Her outfit had also changed a lot since Kairi saw her last, she had on a pair of loose black cargo shorts and a pullover hoodie, her black hair swept to one side and tucked behind her right ear. Honestly, she looked a lot happier, a lot freer.

Butch Xion is absolutely the hill I will die on this gal is 100% loves girls and presenting in nonconforming ways.

Namine, laying against Xion, her eyes closed and her expression peaceful.

Xion looked down at Namine as she noticed Kairi's stare. "Oh, yeah, I'm uh...keeping her safe? Cause she can't move when doing her spell, and uh, probably more comfortable than laying on this ground or something right?" She forced a laugh. "Yeah."

Namine, who absolutely has ulterior motives: “I’m going to be unconscious while using this spell and I’d rather not wake up sore, so maybe you could hold me while I’m using it? I’d make me feel safer too.”

Xion, who is gay as shit and forgot about the fact this castle has beds in it: “Yes absolutely I will totally hold you for as long as you need Namine wow yes that sounds great I’m on board heck yeah.”

*************

And with that introduction let’s hop right into the dedicated Namixi scene shall we.

Namine heard her door open, then close. She didn't move, just kept staring straight ahead, lying on her side in the bed, her heart beating staccato on the inside of her chest. A quiet bump of collision in the dark.

"Ow!" Xion muttered. "Stupid bed."

No good confession scene is complete with at least a couple comedy beats.

Her eyes probably had to adjust to the dark still, which Namine was thankful for, considering the fact she was probably blushing up a storm at the moment. "Are you okay?" She sounded so concerned, oh light.

Gentlebutch Xion strikes again. I refuse to see her as anything but very polite towards pretty gals (and Namine is very pretty gal in her humble opinion).

"I'm fine," Namine said, quickly. "I just...." She reached out to take Xion's hand, but hesitated, and just let her own fall back onto the mattress. "Wanted to see you, I guess."

"Oh," Xion said. Relief. Namine started when she felt Xion's fingers brushing against her hand. "Shit, sorry, sorry."

"No, no." Namine laughed, and took Xion's hand. "Thank you. This is really nice."

The eternal sapphic dance of being terrified of overstepping and desperate to express your affection at the same time. Also I have said it before and I will say it again: The Gay Gals Love Hands. Idk what it is but sapphic attraction is like 75% hand-holding it’s ridiculous.

Xion opened her eyes again, those gorgeous purple eyes.

Changing characters’ eye color is sort of a running theme in my fics I suppose, though it doesn’t ALWAYS come up. Xion’s purple eyes is something I saw once and got stuck in my brain forever. I have no idea who came up with it or why it’s something that apparently a decent chunk of Xion fans hc for her, but it sure is what we’ve decided on haha.

Three words. That's it. So easy, just three words. Just say it. Say it. "When you found out Sora was here, and decided to go after him." Coward.

Namine, like most of the female cast of KH, has basically no outwards emotion and very little development. For whatever reason, I’ve fixated on an interpretation of her as someone who expresses her emotions in unconventional ways, spends a lot of time overthinking things, protects herself by exaggerating her personality around others while also being terrified of hurting people the way she was forced to hurt Sora. It’s sort of funny to see a very similar personality come up around my interpretations of Haru Okumura in Deja Vu, but Namine definitely expresses her post-trauma identity a lot softer, less formal but still so very careful.

Anyway that’s a lot of words to say that she self-loathes and picks her words incredibly carefully and that contrasts really interestingly with the more impulsive, emotion-driven Xion. They’re a good fit for each other C:

"You can get under the covers too, if you like."

"Oh, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Please stop being a gentlewoman and take the hint. "I want you to," Namine said. Was that too firm? Too bossy?

"Oh!" Xion smiled, and threw the comforter over herself in an instant. Guess it was fine.

More of that aforementioned dynamic.

"This is very good. I'm happy."

"I'm glad," Xion said. "I...like making you happy."

Namine had to inhale deeply at that. It wasn't easy to confess when the girl kept taking her breath away.

I really like the idea in general that it takes so long for Namine to tell Xion how she feels because Xion just keeps doing really sweet things or being kind of romantic but not really making the space for that confession, and Namine just gets flustered and puts it off.

Three words. Just three. Just say them. Namine took a deep breath. "I, uh. I..." She felt a sob welling up in her throat. Light, why was this so difficult, why couldn't she just tell Xion–

Her lips were on hers. Namine couldn't breathe, could barely think for the screaming of her heart in her ears. Xion broke the kiss, looking so very embarrassed. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean–"

Namine reached up and pressed a finger to Xion's lips, cutting her off before she could apologize any more. "Um," she said, "kiss me again?"

And Xion nodded, and Namine let her finger fall, let Xion lean in and kiss her again. And she squeezed her hand so tightly and kissed her back.

So not really a confession but Xion DID get the hint. Once more: Xion’s impulsiveness makes things both very difficult and much easier for Namine. And I think I like the fact that she ends up deciding to just go along with that impulsiveness, just let go of her plan and kiss the gal she’s been pining for, and stop beating herself up about the words she can’t say yet. It’s sweet hehe.

[casper-has-a-cat]

AJR appreciation post

because i don’t think enough people have heard neotheater.  some background, their previous album, the click, is a masterpiece in its own right, it came out when i was in college and it captured all of my college feels, not to mention the song about the office (yes, the tv show) which had me genuinely laughing aloud.   but this post will focus on neotheater, because i’ve only just recently finished college and this album perfectly captures new-to-the-real-world feels.

like this album has made me cry so much and in the best ways, it’s been the biggest reassurance because i’ve been on my own for a month and a half now and hearing people that i respect articulating everything surround the fears and pain and sadness of growing up is as heartbreaking as it is comforting.  i’m not the only one who is filled with doubts and uncertainty and having those feelings doesn’t make me a failure, thank goodness.  thank goodness someone put that into music because now i can hear it whenever i need it.

and let me just say, this album has an odd sound.  even for ajr, it’s odd.  it’s extremely theatrical sounding, and that’s not so much my style of music, so at first i was iffy on it, but... it directly ties in to the meaning of the songs and the story that the album as a whole is telling.  the idea of feeling as though you’re being judged and watched and that everyone has expectations for you whether you want an audience or not.  it was a brave move and adds to the authenticity of the album.

so, let’s get on to more specifics!

lyrics that make me cry:

“i wanna be next up forever, find a way to never hit my peak” - next up forever (these made me cry on the first listen, because like, i know they’re talking about music, but that’s such a big mood post-college)

“you’ll sail the ocean finding where you should be.  and if you’re broken, you’ll find your own thing” - next up forever.  there's???  so much in these two lines???  like the idea that life is just one big search is huge, its releases so much stress surrounding the feeling that you should know where you should be as soon as you graduate.  and the second part?  that reassurance that you’ll figure it out, even if you don’t fit, it’s so good

“i wanna move out, i don’t wanna move on” + “i’ll come by when i’m grown, it won’t be the same though, i can’t even go home” - don’t throw out my legos.  honestly the whole song just hits me hard if i’m in the mood.  the profound sadness that comes with growing up and going out on your own is so well articulated in this song, and the metaphor of like.  wanting to keep insignificant things around because if you do, then maybe your younger self can still stick around too.  and then this idea of not having a home, i didn’t even realize it until i heard this but that’s maybe the most painful thing that i’m dealing with right now.  because it takes time to make a home

“you say that i'm better, why don't i feel better? the universe works in mysterious ways, but I'm starting to think it ain't working for me. doctor, should I be good, should I be good this year?” - karma.  i have so much to say about this song and i could’ve included a much longer quote here but this gets the point across.  i think anyone who’s struggled with mental health can probably relate to this.  and i love that it’s (imo) very clearly not dismissing counseling- they’re being honest in that counseling is not a magic solution, it takes work and sometimes it doesn’t seem to be working as well as we want it to, even if we do still see value in it.  and the transition right here, at the end of the song, from the “i’ve been so good this year” to the question - should i even be good this year if it’s not making me feel better?  that’s what really got me.

“dear winter, don’t move too far away.” + “will we still hang out and talk when i’m no longer in charge?” - dear winter.  this song makes me cry every time i hear it no lie.  apparently when ryan (the lyricist) played it for his brother for the first time, his brother also sobbed so i guess it only makes sense.  but yeah this specific verse kills me a lot because this is exactly where i’m at right now.  i moved too far away.  i hate how painful that is for my parents.  i had to do it but it still hurts every time i hear this.

“they wanted heaven from me, i gave ‘em hell.  now they want something bigger, i’m overwhelmed” - finale.  this lyric is preceded by 4 repetitions of the line “they wanted,” and the first two times it’s sung in a deep tone, but the third and fourth times it’s sung in a higher tone, and the singer sounds more energetic and maybe even high-strung, it’s like he’s rejecting “their” opinion.  and then you get this lyric about heaven and hell and you see that he did something unexpected, he’s decided not to be “their” version of perfect and done something that “they” didn’t want, and maybe he thought he’d be free from “them” after that, but it turns out just the opposite happened.  

“just don’t forget about me when you get out of college” - finale.  it’s such a good double meaning.  it’s playing off of them being scared that they’re music will lose popularity when their audience graduates, but it’s also like... talking to college friends.  don’t forget about me.  and also the world?  and this is where things get complex with the idea of having an audience.  on one hand the expectations are oppressive and confining, but at least someone’s watching as we grow up, but when we graduate it does feel a bit like society no longer cares about us so much.  at least, it did for me.  so i guess this line could have a triple meaning?

lyrics that make me laugh:

“thank you for coming to my birthday party, i am one minute old today” - birthday party.  honestly, every lyric in this song makes me laugh, it’s just such a fucking hilarious song, and like, dark humor all the way???  but this specific lyric is said in such a funny way i love it.  i actually can’t think of any other song that’s made me laugh so hard.

“what doesn’t kill you makes you ugly, life gives you lemons, at least it gave you something” - break my face.  there’s a whole aspect of this song that’s really tongue-in-cheek.  like it’s funny because they’re taking an idiom and really looking it in the eyes and being candid, like okay let’s stop sugarcoating things, what doesn’t kill you might not make you stronger but it’ll make you ugly!  but then the song as a whole can totally be read as a satire on people who are so critical of anyone who complains, or those people who are always like “look on the bright side” and “why can’t you just be happy!” and anyway it’s so genius

extra notes:

100 bad days hasn't made me laugh or cry aloud but it’s still such an important song imo.  “a hundred bad days made a hundred good stories, a hundred bad days made me interesting at parties, no i ain’t scared of you, no i ain’t scared of you no more” it’s such a powerful mantra to keep in mind when things get rough.  idk if that last part was meant for this, but as someone with social anxiety and probably agoraphobia, it’s just been really empowering

turning out pt. ii... i don’t personally relate to this song as much as most of the others, and yet it still makes me profoundly sad.  honestly i don’t like listening to it because of that?  but also it kind of... doesn’t feel as clever to me as the other songs.  like i could’ve written those lyrics.  which is something i rarely feel about ajr songs.  idk, maybe it’s better if you relate more! and i’m biased probably because of how much i loved and related tot turning out pt. i and this wasn’t what i expected.

the entertainment’s here articulates something that scares me a lot?  how easy technology makes it to ignore real life, how tempting it is to just watch netflix or youtube videos or whatever.  so i avoid this song a bit as well.  i think it’s clever as hell, but it scares me and i’m a coward

beats: i’m just gonna say it, it’s my least favorite song on the album.  the idea is funny but to me the implementation isn’t the best?  it’s not that clever imo?  it’s very repetitive and i think that was supposed to like, go along with the meaning of the song, of echoing and doing what others are doing for success, but for me it’s just ultimately kinda... meh.

wow, i’m not crazy: kinda like 100 bad days, hasn’t made me laugh or cry aloud but this song is really important to me.  it makes me happy.  the idea of finding people who are crazy in the same way you are, and how that can make you love yourself so much more.  i love that.

okay yep we stop here!  honestly there are more lyrics that i love but this is an essay already sooooo.  yeah.  i love this album.

[urbvnny]

What is your impression of the vampires? I figured you like aaron (coughing) but I want details gurl. Long texts, rants, come on!!!! I really like seeing ur content bc it's just you not trying hard and chilling lol

Thanks for following my shitshow lol if I try people will hate me. You want rants? You got them.

Aaron:

I absolutely adore him and his route so much that I'm afraid they'll fuck it up in EVERY single episode that comes out.

He's absolutely *breathes in* stunning and handsome and beautiful and kind and serious but he's easygoing and cute and sincere and calm (but he's too impulsive when he loses his cool, that's no good! >:C) *suffocates*.

Dummy thicc and just dummy when it comes to more delicate feelings too. A great himbo specimen just like Bel.

I love how his route isn't a perfect relationship where there are NEVER problems, he's willing to try and pour himself out (even though it's hard) to make this work.

I secretly wandered to the garden and the fireplace at all times in Vladimir's route just to talk to him more and more and I was sooooo in love lol I would forget about Vladimir (insert ugly wheeze).

He's the only one we actually invite to our room so far lol he's the king of consent at all times.

Eloise is just head over heels for him and she isn't panicking constantly about not knowing anything bc again, even though he's flawed, he tries his best to make everything work and they talk constantly.

I wish he'd be more attentive, bc that would make life easier for him lol. poor man can't read the stuff between the lines to save his life. That might cause some hurting, bc he has a mentality of doing "what has to be done" and forgetting about the rest.

He also needs therapy. I worry a lot about him.

BUT DAYUM, Eloise is his first girlfriend and my man is already getting the hang of it real good.

I might bawl my eyes out in all three endings.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY THIS ROUTE: kiss him, pet him, compliment him, hug him, say you love him. He deserves it.

hmmm, he's so fine!

now the other ones without pic or cursive sorted by favourites most to least.

Vladimir:

He's sooooo handsome and he has a really pretty body but not in a sexual light, he's just incredibly beautiful. Like a work of art.

I love how he doesn't think twice about Eloise's safety in ways that don't come from survival. And I love how he just laughs and blushes. I love his done expressions too and how he tilts his head and he trembles when he's angry lol boy gonna explode soon.

I don't like the way he acts like a clam lol he shuts himself out after opening up and he also lies to comfort himself too much. He likes to tell Eloise that she only means a source of food to him but he's got it bad for her really fast and denying that is very hurtful behavior. I do get that he's having a really hard time, but he's grown enough to listen to her attemps.

I also hate how he still thinks he's living in the past and he behaves like Eloise doesn't know jack shit when the girl has been through a lot.

I don't think his feelings on his good ending change out of nowhere too??? But I'm not gonna go there in this post, I just relate, yk?

Raphael:

baby is sooooo sweet! he's really nice all the time and he always listens and worries about us, and he loves to gossip but not about himself, he's an absolute king lmao.

I don't think he's nice all the time. I think he hates talking about himself so he might get angry at Eloise if she tries to barge into his life too fast, so I'll not be to quick to act lol

He talks and talks and talks sometimes and the dialogue bar gets thicc lol I love to see his train of thought go and goooooo

His clothes are simply beautiful and he's so smart and educated.

I feel like he has a hard time when he thinks about his blindness and art. In Aaron chapter 5, if Eloise chooses to talk to him instead of the "shadow person", she asks him why he seems uncomfortable and her mind is somewhere else, but she hears him talking about something sparkling in a ballroom. I think he was probably saying it was a shame he couldn't see the party.

Super powerful and capable baby! He knows how to fight, reads a lot and is super articulated! I love him sooo much :(

Beliath:

This corny, monochromatic himbo. I hated him in the beginning but it was until he pushed the couch and said the dead donkey line lol.

I love how people say just anything and he's like "ion care lol", he never gets offended and he knows what he's doing

I kinda wanted to slap him in the first 3chapters bc he's acting like we're prey while we're just there like "AAAAAARGH LISTEN TO ME UR ENLARGED PIECE OF-"

his hair is good and he's absolutely stunning, specially his smile. He's just incredible.

I didn't like how he treated Eloise when she freaked out (I hated that too bc I wouldn't react like that) when she saw Ivan in the staircase with Raph. It isn't easy to get over the fact that you just died.

I think I'll end up more infatuated with him than with Vladimir, but I'd never be head over heels for him like I'm with Aaron.

Ivan (I'm still bitter)

I like how he sees Eloise and he just says it without any fears or whatsoever, and I like how he's not afraid to say he's sorry but he doesn't expect to be forgiven or for Eloise to like him in any routes.

BUT. He was a big disappointment bc he was just all messy, doing stuff without thinking first, and he never really stopped to think about his surroundings. Yes, I'm saying he's selfish.

The way he was "I can see my ex errday but you can't say shit now let's move on and just live with me hung up on somebody else" also irked me.

His sprites are SOOOOO cute! he's all blushy like ":3 I wuv how positive and shiny u are, Eloise!"

The endings were just utter bullshit and depressing tho. They just did everything wrong when this could've been a route where two very young people that had a BIG altercation involving freaking (bats, I love halloween) DEATH learn to forgive, heal and love each other when they're facing new lives in all ways possible. It was a disappointment.

... ethan. *big fat sigh*

I like how he is nice in Bel's route but in the other ones he's all nuts and talks loads of shit and gets beaten, runs in the sun and he even dies once like???? He's in for a wild ride don't go off like that I'm serious.

He's mad handsome tho and I love me a wavy hair but damn is he a jerk. He tries to kill us many times too, that's hella annoying. I don't like entering a room and seeing him.

I really wanted to help him in the kitchen dialogue when he had that PTSD episode, but he shuts us up. I feel very sorry for all he had to see.

Although I love the parts where we jab and kick his shins and stomach, he was a nice man once and I really hope he can find at least a bit of himself again in his route. He deserves it, even if I don't like the way he acts.

Have I said I love to kick and jab his shins?

[tammyhybrid21]

THybrid’s Mummy Rant(pt 1)

ALRIGHT!

Sooo…

I kind of said I would be organizing a big giant analysis and rant on this character-- Because I have many, many feelings. Buuut I think this is probably going to be something that just ends up diving into a lot more for the context I do have. Both in terms of the movie, and the research I've been rolling around in--

So-- before I put this under a cut/readmore, can I put some context into this?! And by context--

I mean in general I would not be here if Mummy hadn't been the one Netflix had for the Movie's preview. Mummy is why I'm here, just because whoop. That's a character design that CALLS ME! So yeahh-- that out of the way…

First Impressions:

Sooo… in the first movie Mummy is… only in the last third, roughly of the movie. Which is a crying shame in all honesty because for me he steals the show from that point. AND we get to see SO MANY Sides. Like, just… there's a bit to unpack here, and it also leads into more of my Autism squee talk--

But I don't think I could even really articulate everything in a straight cohesive manner so I'll sort of sum it with the most important screencaps.

Soooo, I have a lot to say… and a picture says a thousand words… but especially here and okay, so those screencaps are… not exactly all the story, but they say a lot for what they say. And then you can compound that specifically with the research that I have… again, been just rolling in. Because GIMME!

Sooo anyway, let me talk about these screencaps while my brain is turned on. Because I feel that all of these are important! Including that first glimpse! Because like-- what you need to understand is-- Do you know how hard catching something like that is?! And how did he notice it. Which like, that's probably a sensitivity thing, but specifically! That would whistle on the way down!

Then!

LET ME TALK ABOUT MASKING!

Like just-- all these next pictures and moments! They bring up Masking. Because look at him when he's first approaching, first seen in full. He's threatening, intimidating(up until Tadeo spots him and it's just scream for them both) BUT THEN IN PRIVATE! Clapping, flapping, and well, we can watch Movie 2 with a very specific lense based on a piece of WoG I found…

But even those next few screencap moments--

Like, Mummy is important, BUT there are rules of how you're supposed to present yourself. Like look at him! Look at him in front of the guards! How Paititi is revealed and even the lead up, like, he has a good shift from the slight goofball to commanding and then to intimidating and just…

Snap fingers and the guards respond(which then with movie two… boyyyyy I want to know what happened). And as much as we think that hug is intense…

And then look at the shy nervous child. WHICH I'm going to bring in a moment or two from the Series, Descubre con Tadeo(which is a fun watch even if I only get like, maybe a fifth of the content).

He's insecure and nervous… and we related it to being like… first day of school jitters. BUT THEN he-- also has a perfect shift here as well.

Put on your professional voice! And like, I suppose some things could be argued in terms of Mummy's antics in the second film. But I just… have too much more to say that the whole movie kind of feels like.

"FIRST TIME I AM FREE!" in terms of how Mummy is running around and just having fun! You ever just want to cut loose mate?! Scream, or go wild… but like… with the second movie I have other places to just go, WAIT?! What happened?! And also just analyze moments that are… well…

But like, number one is a background moment actually(and I hope so muuuuch that it means something in movie three please)

LOOK AT TADEO'S CONSPIRACY BOARD!

Like I'm just here like, Mummy?! What did you do?! On his trip over, which for all is kind of implied/feels like a B-Line, and I have… other thoughts and feelings on that. But like, the conspiracy board! Mummy! Also considering that the English Localization has Tadeo in Chicago(and I want to know if that's true for everywhere--) As an aside in this moment, can we just appreciate the jump of quality in the animation between the movies?! Like ahhhh the details! I just hng-- And some things in the whole animated series as well…

Edutainment.

WHICH features BOTH Mummy and Tadeo just special interest dumping. And it's A++

He also hums the theme song in his take over episode, and dances and is just ahahahahah

Which, this is one of the two Mummy just-- yanks the show for himself moments… The other has him playing with everyone else as dolls and I just--

Yes

Gender

Which look, I've been going off some level of fluidity for him! Since I watched the second movie and he just-- STOLE THE SHOW! And the credits sequence, I have… a lot to say about his around the world trip but most of that ultimately amounts to disorganized screaming about the fact that he starts the travel with only one dangling earring and ends it with two to speak to the guards--

And that then goes into--

ANYWAY--

Genderwise, I've been informed that there's a WoG confirmation of nb, which… Good Representation! Even if I have personal… bad, yucky, awkward feelings about the term, if that's the confirmed canon term. Well. My personal dysphoria with the term specific aside.(Non non, it always feels like--) NO WONDER I HELLA RELATE!

For those not caught up-- I myself identify as Agender. Which is a nb-spectrum gender, or as I refer to it as when trying to explain. "Gender, yes". I have a gender, and that gender is yes it's something and exists. But like, I'm not tied to the binary of Male-Female, not really. Sooooo--

If Mummy is confirmed nb, which, I will be source hunting for sure.

Well, his relatability to me just skyrocketed EVEN MORE!

Like I'm sorry, you don't understand! That's super important on MANY levels. Not just for the rare gender to be highlighted. BUT!

Mummy is very Autistic Coded. More on the female stereotyped Autism as well-- and then FOR THE BIG THING! He's Inca!

Like, do you people even have a scale for the important points that he's hitting here?! (And if we add apparently spoken about Asexuality?! Excuse me!)

Like I don't know how much I could say on how important this is representation and character wise…

Sooo

Moving on.

Inca

Sooooo… this is probably something dumb to tack onto the end but. I'll be the first to admit it. I'm… coming from a culturally blind/naïve perspective but-- it's something intrinsic and important to understanding Mummy as character. He's from a cultural background I honestly don't yet know enough about. (Can I ever know enough though?!)

He's an Inca. And more than that-- WoG seems to have implied, he's Royalty, whiiiiich puts into perspective some of those screencap moments and brings about a host of interesting research topics for me to just gleefully dive into and roll around in.

BUT

With that contextual framing.

This dork, and this moment-- and thinking about how he's got the pull in the first movie to boss the guards around. Just like-- Make decisions and call the shots… and more to me…

Who put the cufflink there?! SPECIFICALLY?!

Because like, all he said was "keep it safe"

I also really, really want to know if there's some cultural significance and nuance I'm missing here, because hooo boy. As far as I have, this is basically just subtle nods and confirmations that he's royal, possibly even the recognized Auqui of their set up here(which as of movie two, possibly no longer the case).

I also have a lot to say about THIS:

In terms of the half a dozen or so resources that have STUFF to say about Handshakes to the Inca(albeit there is more than just a handshake buuuut). But this is already 11 pages in word and honestly, I don't think I could explain things in a nice and tidy context for all my FEELINGS that I have.

Sources:

Screenshots taken by myself and a friend

Tadeo Jones & Tadeo Jones 2: El secreto del Rey Midas

https://www.telecinco.es/tadeojones/descubre-con-tadeo/16940/ For additional character screenshots, albeit had to find some of it on Youtube.

WoG on Mummy's implied Royalty: https://www.animum3d.com/blog/animacion-3d-tadeo-jones/ (And English translation C&P feat. Google Translate: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DPhIuurqtx7QJm1df31cviHsqDEgKH5t9MVstJZHpRw/edit) Point of NOTE

With the designs and the script in front, you start to shuffle ideas, by his golden dress, his hat and his cape you imagine that he is someone important within his clan, that should give a sublime aspect to his behavior, as if he belonged to royalty, someone with a refined attitude and manners, are ideas that do not have to be evident or definitive, but in some way help to set parameters when shaping your personality.

WoG on Gender & Sexuality: Still on the hunt, right now more fandom news(please gibe me the source!) FOUND: https://elcultural.com/Enrique-Gato-y-David-Alonso-El-reto-ya-no-es-sorprender-sino-crear-empatia-con-los-personajes & https://www.ecartelera.com/noticias/41656/pelicula-aventuras-definitiva-tadeo-jones-2-equipo/5/

My son asks me many times if Mummy is a boy or a girl and it's all at once. It's absolutely ambiguous and that also makes it a lot of fun.

“For us he is asexual and we really like playing with it.”

Conclusion:

WATCH THESE MOVIES PLEASE!

And get the culture being represented by one of the characters RIGHT!

[bamboozledjasontodd]

DickRoy and DickKory

It’s like Christmas all over again!!

DickRoy:

I’m new to shipping this but I really I love it! They bring out the best in each other by pushing each other. They whole “No one else I would rather have fighting by my side” scene...ooof that is some heavy stuff but it perfectly captures which each character is about and how much they mean to each other. This ship is somehow always really soft and super intense at the same time. It’s honestly refreshing to see. I also love how Roy is given a purpose by the shippers at large and isn’t used just to prop Dick up. I honestly don’t understand why this ship isn’t more popular. I mean really, it’s got everything you could ask for - fluff, angst, romance, friends to lovers, gayness, two dads raising their daughters (one of which has superpowers), and families who would relentlessly tease them then turn around and cry tears of joy at their wedding. I mean come on, it’s sooooo gooood!! On a final note, I would love to see Jake Grayson added into these dynamics as well. I see him with DickKory for obvious reasons but I never see him added into dynamics where Dick and Kory aren’t together anymore. What I’m trying to say is, include Jake Grayson alongside Mar’i and Lian in your DickRoy fanworks. Also, Grant Emerson aka Damage. Please and thank you!!

DickKory:

This is another example of genuine love! Even when they are not together, they genuinely care for each other and want what is best for each other. I just wish DC remembered that. I also hate how their relationship gets super sexualized. I get that there is a lot of, shall we say, physical affection in their dynamic but there really is so much more to them than that. As much as I love this ship I do have a hard time seeing it as endgame. Long term or on and off over the course of the years? Sure! Endgame? Maybe. I can’t really articulate why I feel this way which frustrates the heck out of me especially because I love them together so much, but it is how I feel. 

Send me a ship and I’ll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[frizzyanya]

The Untamed Episode 25, My Commentary!

Spoilers below!

WWX and JYL hanging out with the kids and then secretly that demon JZX is meeting with JC.

I knooooooo wwe aren’t supposed to hate him, just the circumstances. But I just do. I refuse to forgive him for being mean to her.

Lol seems like WWX likes him exactly as much as I do.

That interaction between JZX and WWX was sooooo uncomfortable. WWX refused to acknowledge the question about where the 5th segment of the YI was, which means obviously he has it. And then JZX is also demanding he give up the STA too. Fat chance, bro!

I mean he can’t do good guy magic anymore, no way he gives up the only magic available to him, even if it is demonic and likely to destroy all of society!

Ohhhhh flags for every clan! So we’re already at the party!

WWX standing next to LWJ and they aren’t even hyper aware of each other or talking not-quietly-enough like usual!

I hate MY, that smug bastard. (What a reversal, I know.)

JESUS CHRISTMAS, THEY HAVE TO TARGET INNOCENT WEN CLAN CIVILIANS?!?!?!!?!? Okay not quite…...they have to try to miss them but shoot around them WTAF

WWX’s hand loosened on his demon flute. So, like, that’s good I guess. No all out war…….Yet.

This is so unnecessary and cruel.

“Who else dares to try?!” (after JZX’s bulls eye) I can almost hear WWX in Lindsay Lohan’s voice saying “I’ll take a whack at it….” (from the Parent Trap)

Then he turns to LWJ……….and asks him………..to borrow his headband. WWX, what are you thinking right now…? What tricks do you have up your sleeve…?

HE’S BLINDFOLDING HIMSELF

BEFORE SHOOTING A BOW AND ARROW

THROUGH A LINE OF INNOCENTS

AND SHOOTING FIVE ARROWS AT ONCE, ONE TO EACH BULLSEYE

LMAAAOOOOOOO

THIS BITCH BE LIKE

FUCK ALL OF YYOOOOUUUUUU

GOLDEN CORE OR NOT IM STILL BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU PUT TOGETHER

I want LWJ to be like “........boring.”

Everybody applauding, he’s gonna create trouble once again by showing off.

...but what did he want the headband for?

Everybody’s working really hard at hunting whatever, and then WWX just casually playing flute.

LMAO

“They all just plunged into our nets themselves!” 

TO HELP JC WIN

THIS SHOW IS PURE COMEDY

Okay now I’m at the “what do you take me for” scene and this HURTS

“You used to be my confidante.” “I still am.” Dramatic prolonged eye contact.

Aaaaaaand now we’re watching JZX and JYL walking together on the path. WWX’s eyeroll looked EXACTLY like mine.

“Do you not like watching the hunt…….or do you not like being with me?!” And then he turns away dramatically with “I’m never speaking to you again!” flair.

Poor JYL.

Aaaaaaand WWX being, well, himself, and he just flies out onto the path just as JZX was surely about to get things cleared up.

LWJ coming to his rescue, ohhhh I do like that.

“Who are you?” “How dare you not know who I am!” “But who ARE you?” LMAO, SAME, WWX, SAME.

“JYL, what’s wrong? Did my intractable son bully you again?!” Ohhhhhh yes, JZX’s mother is good.

IS SHE THE FIRST GOOD ALIVE MOTHER IN THIS SHOW!?!??

WWX is handling this……..better than I would have expected? (That’s a pretty low bar, of course.) Like he at least articulated why JZX was being the worst in that interaction.

“WWX has already collected 30% of everything!” LWJ, who has been with him this whole time and knows he’s done absolutely nothing legally allowed: “Say what?!”

JZX’s cousin: “That’s not capability, that’s just playing a flute! It’s too easy!” WWX: “Go ahead, play my flute.”

LOLOLOLOL

“I don’t know what’s called capability, please show me yours. Astonish me, please.”

This is like weirdly homoerotic and I do not like it (a la “my horse is bigger than your horse” (because yes, the princess diaries 2 is the only way I know how to reference that…))

I mean I probably half think that because while JZX’s cousin looks angry and ready for a fight, WWX just looks like he’s taunting/mocking/flirting in his way.

Okay now we’ve crossed a line…….he’s now like vibrating from anger. 

LWJ, DO SOMETHING.

IF YOU DON’T HE’S GOING TO FLIP OUT COMPLETELY.

I’M WORRIED FOR…….LIKE EVERYONE……..

The guy is goading him!! “You’re nothing more than the son of a servant.” SHUT UP, OR YOU MIGHT END UP AN ACTUAL HONEST TO GOD CASUALTY.

FUCKING FINALLY

LWJ TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH

THIS MAN IS LITERALLY VIBRATING

HE NEEDS HELP

LWJ: “Wei Ying, concentrate!”

JYL: “Wuxian! Wuxian!”

Lord help me, I hope this is enough.

But I mean, is there technically any rule that says “no demon flute magic to help you win?” Because I feel like this is so specific that it might not actually be against the official rules, right? lol

JYL apologizing to the Jins for WWX. YIKES. 

While LWJ holds him back. DOUBLE YIKES.

JZX’s cousin needs to STFU BEFORE HE GETS  HIMSELF KILLED

Hahaha! JYL said that what he did wasn’t against the rules.

“There are so few prey! It’s already a hard competition!” “It’s not his fault you’re bad hunters.” ZIIINNNGGG

JYL IS ON FIYA

NOW SHE’S ASKING JZX’s guy to APOLOGIZE TO WWX. THIS IS BRILLIANT.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

ALL HAIL QUEEN YANLI

MADAM JIN SAID TO MAKE THE APOLOGY THIS IS TOO DAMN MUCH

ALL HAIL STRONG WOMEN 

Madam Jin being mean to MY. Okay. No good moms here. She’s just good to JYL. But like….I respect that.

JYL is like a tiger momma protecting her cub WWX. You do not disrespect him on her watch!

“Nothing about you is a problem for me. If my son has made you upset, I can give him a beating for you.” YES MADAM JIN IS MY NEW FAVE.

Okay she has JYL’s best interests at heart here, but she’s a bit mistaken on the nature of JYL/WWX’s relationship. 

However now that I think of it………...if I’d only seen what she’d seen, particularly this episode……..I’d likely be inclined to agree that it looked like they were framed as love interests. 

I mean….JYL loves WWX a lot. It’s just not in that way. And if you don’t understand her well enough to know the difference……..I can see the misunderstanding happening easily. 

“WWX is my younger brother. I’ll never leave him.” BRB SOBBING.

“Lady Jiang! It’s not what you think! I wasn’t forced by my mother, it was me, I wanted to invite you!” Awww he’s just bad at talking to girls but he does like her! SYKE NO. You can’t be rude/mildly abusive and then pretend it was you being cute/coy. You made her cry! Grow up and then come back and court her.

(I know they’re going to be on better terms now, I’m just bitter af.)

Aaaaaaand everybody is watching.

SO HE LITERALLY RUNS AWAY

He’s THAT shy and awkward!

JYL like “I’ll go with Madam Jin and JZX. WWX like BRING ON THE ABANDONMENT ISSUES.

JC like “come to the banquet with me later!” WWX like “nah imma go for a walk, goodbye LWJ and literally nobody else.”

JC like WWX wtf did you do.

Ohhhhhh I’M SO DUMB. 

OH MY LORD.

WWX doesn’t have the STA AND the YI. The STA IS the YI!

LADY WEN@@@@@ OMFGGGG!!!!!!!!!

That’s how I typed that in my excitement and I refuse to change it! Lol

They CAN’T miss each other! PLEASE stop each other and interact!

OMG! Someone pushed her to the ground rudely and he saw 

WWX WHAT ARE YOU DOING. GO TO HER.

Lady Wen is the only one on this show prettier than WWX.

The ONLY one.

LXC/LWJ: “What are you thinking?” “I want to bring a man to Cloud Recesses.” “A man…?” WHO DO YOU THINK, LXC?? 

[chainofclovers]

Cancer and Pisces (because there have been some really fascinating answers to these two and I want more!)

Thanks, Luthien! Despite the unexpected delay I’m very excited to answer these. :D

cancer: how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

I know this ask is likely about *especially* emotional scenes, scenes with a significantly strong emotional experience, but I’ll be a bit pedantic and say that every scene is an emotional scene. Every sensory detail I write, every setting, is in service of the articulated or unarticulated or half-articulated emotions one or more characters are experiencing. And I guess that’s “how” I write emotional scenes: by trying very hard to use the tool I have (language) to create a physical, three-dimensional descriptive experience to capture emotion.

I experience emotions while I write, but I’m pretty sure I don’t feel the emotions the characters feel–or at least it’s not a one-to-one. I don’t have to channel sadness to write a character’s sadness, I don’t feel overwhelmed with joy even if a character is, etc., although I do spend a lot of time dwelling in what I imagine those characters do feel. What I tend to feel myself–especially when I’m enjoying the writing process and feel like that whole physical detail + expressed emotion thing is working well–is a very strong emotion I can only describe as “YUP, I’M WRITING THIS!” If I’m writing fic and it’s about love, the emotion intensifies to “YUP, I’M WRITING THIS AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SOOOOO MUCH!!!” That feeling is like a portal into being able to put myself compassionately yet critically into the physical and emotional reality of a character in order to articulate their experience as only an external narrator could! (This probably explains why I almost never write in first-person.) 

So, yeah, every scene is emotional even if the emotions are pretty low-stakes, and what I personally feel isn’t my own sadness or joy or anger but a very intense empathy.

pisces: how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

Oof, while I know this would possibly change my writing in ways that I wouldn’t actually want, I really wish I was better during the idea/imagination stage at seeing scenes I want to write like a movie without words flowing! I’m pretty visual and imaginative, so I do see the scenes I write like a movie in my head, but the problem is this: the second I start to see that movie, it’s accompanied by lots and lots of words, including some, like, disembodied third-person narrator words very similar to the words that I’d actually want to write were I at my computer or a notebook instead of, you know, my car or the shower or a movie or the office. Sometimes I spend too much time in this non-writing part of the process that’s actually just writing inside my head with a movie accompanying the words, and it feels redundant and frustrating to write. I try to stave that off by free-writing my thoughts as I remember them and/or by outlining a bit of a story to-do list for myself so that I don’t lose the structure. And I know, realistically, that the words in my head are probably a shitty first draft rather than a full-fledged finished product. I still wish I could have the experience of a purely visual idea and words that would wait for the keyboard to come out.

From the Zodiac Writer Ask Meme.

[pagerunner-j]

So: writing.

I haven’t written any fic in ages. I’ve had ideas bouncing around for a while, but long story short, morale was low. A project came up, though, that sounded like a good excuse to bust one of those concepts out of the closet, and I started tinkering around with it this week to see if it might work. Of course, I promptly realized it’ll be WAY too long, sooooo...yeah, I’ll have to go back to one of the other ideas instead.

Still, I’ll probably have to finish this one eventually, too, because now I’m invested. Dammit. ;)

For now: have the first draft of the first section as a preview. Future!Keyleth goes back to Whitestone to inspect something very interesting up for auction...

--

The placard in the display case read, Lot 19: Automaton clock, 830-835 PD, Whitestone Society of Artists and Artisans.

The label was understated, but the tabletop timepiece was anything but. It resembled a classical building, surrounded by miniature figures. A small bird perched on the rooftop, viewing everyone below. Most curiously, at least unless you knew Whitestone’s history, a bear had pride of place before the front door. It was rearing up on its hind legs, standing taller than the townspeople. None of them seemed afraid of him. One even seemed to be offering something, although she, and everything else, was suspended in motion. The delicate handle on the back of the clock suggested its potential. The stern guard standing nearby also suggested its value.

The woman who’d walked up to see it did her best to ignore the guard—a tall order, considering he was a very tall half-orc—and bent closer to the case.

Her reflection in the glass was faint, but it still showed the vivid red of her hair and the intent flicker of her eyes. She’d dressed in muted, formal clothes like everyone else, but she moved like they fit uncomfortably. Her short hair was brushed down far enough to cover her pointed ears, but her sun-bronzed complexion and freckled nose still stood out in this town, as far north as it was and as close to the edge of winter. She could have disguised those features better, but doing so hadn’t felt right. Even the name she’d registered under — “K. Ashe” — wasn’t exactly a lie. She could only hope that no one would think she was more interesting than the extraordinary artifacts in this room. So far, she’d been proven exactly right.

After all, the Frederickstein-Graves collection, built up over the years by cousins and companions of Whitestone’s ruling family, ran toward the esoteric. It also kept an eye to local history. Ms. Ashe had surveyed the catalog already, which included an elaborate game set dating back to the re-opening of continental trade routes (lot 9) and an unusual harp by a 10th-century artificer famous for her impossible-to-mimic performances (lot 12). But the prize items claimed connection to Whitestone’s greatest villains and heroes. Ms. Ashe had already overheard an enthusiastic discussion about a set of onyx jewelry that once passed through the hands of Lady Briarwood. It came complete with legends about a curse. From the sounds of it, that was somehow adding to the lot’s appeal. She hadn’t even wanted to ask.

But then there was this clock.

Whitestone’s renowned artisans’ society was founded by Percival Frederickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, said the catalog on page 32, where she’d left a slender bookmark. De Rolo was Whitestone’s original Sophist of Native Ingenuity and member of the legendary group Vox Machina. This automaton clock, styled in the manner of his clock tower installation, dates from the period of his involvement with the guild and was gifted directly to the Frederickstein family. He has been credited in family documents as the maker of this timepiece.

Ms. Ashe, who had some familiarity with de Rolo handiwork, reached back into distant memories for a comparison. It took more effort than she was expecting. Suppressing a wince, she tilted her head to see the clock at a better angle.

“Magnificent craftsmanship, isn’t it?” said someone behind her. When she glanced up at the glass, she saw a young woman in a tailored suit, with her dark hair bound in a tidy braid. Her smile was just as tight, just as precise. “It’s truly something to see it up close.”

“It really is,” the redhead agreed. She straightened and turned around. “Jewel of the collection, everyone’s saying.”

“For once, the wisdom of the masses is entirely correct.” The woman’s smile had gone a touch condescending. “I traveled all the way from Rexxentrum to see it. It’s good to know the journey wasn’t wasted.”

“Did you now.”

“Indeed.” She proffered a hand. “Celia Corrigan-Whitburn. And I suppose you’ll be one of my rivals at auction, Miss…?”

“Ashe,” she answered, and then, somewhat awkwardly, “Kiki, specifically. To my friends. And the occasional rival.”

“Kiki. Really. Well, that’s charming.” Celia smiled again, mostly to the guard. “I don’t suppose I could persuade you to show us the clock in motion?”

“That’s a question for one of the specialists, ma’am.”

“Of course. Could you call one over, please?”

His expression didn’t change, but he touched his earpiece and murmured something Kiki couldn’t hear. She reflexively reached up to her own ear, touching the jewel that still hung there, but as ever, it remained perfectly silent.

Celia, who was speaking again, didn’t seem to notice.

“I was sent to inspect this at the behest of my employers,” she said. “We specialize in far more complex devices, but we still appreciate the classics. Especially when their makers are so interesting. Ah, there we are.”

The auction specialist, a tall human woman with an aquiline nose, nodded a greeting. “I understand you’re interested in the de Rolo clock.”

“Are you saying that’s its official provenance, then?”

“We can’t say it with 100% certainty, but all the hallmarks we’re aware of are there. I can show you one or two of them. Just a moment.”

While the guard hovered close by, she produced a small key and unlocked one side of the display case. Then she reached in with one gloved hand and pointed.

“That right there, of course, is the famous trained bear that belonged to the reigning de Rolos,” she said. “Trinket, by name. You’ll see him in motifs across Whitestone even today.”

“Trinket,” Celia repeated wryly. “Whatever inspired that name for a bear?”

“We don’t actually know,” the specialist admitted. “Much of Vex’ahlia’s history before becoming Baroness remains vague. But the popular theory is that since her husband was so clever in crafting trinkets, the bear was nicknamed thus to prove he was one of her own.”

Ms. Ashe, who knew that that wasn’t the story at all, twisted her lips but kept her mouth shut.

“The building is a stylized representation of a de Rolo property,” the specialist went on, indicating architectural details and commenting over a few. “Back in the 9th century, it was a shop. Part of the economic renaissance of Whitestone after being reclaimed from the Briarwoods.”

“It was a bakery,” Ms. Ashe added, unable to help herself this time. “The Slayer’s Cake. You can see part of the logo on the sign.”

The specialist’s eyes lit up. “Good eyes. Yes, that’s the name we have on record.”

“Again with the strange titles,” Celia remarked. “Slaying cakes?”

Kiki felt like she had to reply. “It was a tongue-in-cheek reference to another guild. The Slayer’s Take. Still exists, but under a different name and very different regulations. They hunted a few things too close to extinction, so now they claim to be about responsible wildlife management and environmental stewardship.” She quirked an eyebrow. “I understand a druid or two nudged them in that direction.”

Celia sniffed. “The Green Coalition at work again. We’ve had debates with them about our mining operations.”

“I imagine you have,” Kiki said under her breath.

“So what was the connection between the Slayer’s Take and a bakery?” Celia asked.

“The bakery founders used to be members,” said the specialist. “It was something of a retirement venture, after they were done with the adventuring life.”

“Actually, they opened it slightly before they fought…” Kiki began, then shook her head and waved a hand. “But close enough.”

The specialist turned to her. “So you’re also a student of local history.”

“Something like. Just…long experience.” Kiki shrugged one shoulder and changed the topic. “But this clock. Anyone could make a clock themed around the city. Is there a maker’s mark to identify it?”

Celia nodded as if she also wanted to know. The specialist gently tilted the clock back to show the symbol on the base. “The mark is for the artisans’ society,” she said. “We have a chart of different iterations of this logo. This is the earliest, the one Lord de Rolo personally designed. It didn’t acquire the double border until the 850s.”

“Hmm,” Kiki said, studying the little symbol.

“Also, the way the figures move is very typical of his work. Let me show you.” She set it back down and delicately wound the clock.

Celia bent closer this time. Kiki, her attention caught, didn’t move. She just held her breath and waited as the gears turned and the hands realigned, and the figures began gradually to stir.

“Look here,” said the auction specialist, indicating the townspeople in motion. “The articulation is particularly clever. My favorite is the woman offering a pastry to the bear.”

Kiki whispered something that might have been a name, but no one else heard it. The clockwork bear, though, lifted his head and seemingly looked straight out through the glass at her.

“The scene’s all very prosaic, isn’t it,” Celia said. “You’re right, though; the craftsmanship is terribly clever. There’s familiar techniques here, actually. I’ve seen clockwork like this before. Might lend credence to a few theories.”

The bear took a polite sniff of the pastry. Kiki’s side glance was less friendly. “What sort of theories do you mean?”

“That there really were ideas exchanged between Mr. de Rolo and our company founder. Maybe even outright collaboration.” She paused. “Well. Our honorary founder, I should say. The original inventor of the rifles that we licensed and continued developing. Did I mention I work in weapons manufacturing?”

“You might have left that out,” Kiki said thinly. “Are you speaking of…”

Celia’s tone turned conspiratorial. “Dr. Anna Ripley,” she answered with a smile. “She may still be a controversial figure, but I’ve always found her fascinating. And I’ve studied both her works and those of her competitors for a very long time.”

The clock chimed, and the bird on the rooftop opened its beak in a warning caw. Kiki, struck dumb, distantly felt that it might have been laying on the dramatic irony a bit thick.

The specialist, who’d missed that exchange while listening to something over her earpiece, closed and locked the case before nodding to them both. “If you’ll excuse me, it seems I have another auction-goer to speak to. But it’s good to see your interest. If you have other questions, come find me. I’ll be here until the end of the afternoon.”

“Of course,” Celia said, smiling brightly. “Thank you.”

The specialist walked off. Celia, too, readied to go. She faced Kiki again, though, and gave her one more little smile. It was taking on distinct shades of a smirk. “I hope you understand my interest in this item now, at least.”

“I do,” Kiki said, her voice low.

“And if I might ask—because now I’m curious—what brought you here to bid on this?”

She thought about it. “History,” she said at last. “Legacy. And a certain personal interest.”

“Care to share what kind?”

Kiki met her gaze levelly. “No.”

Celia’s eyebrows lifted. Then she started to laugh. “Well. You’ll make for an interesting competitor after all. But I’ll warn you, the Whitburn Company coffers run deep.” She winked. “I’ll see you at the auction, Miss Ashe.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Kiki said, and watched Celia go. The woman’s heels clicked rhythmically on the stone floor, almost mechanical in their precision, and only slowly grew quieter until they were lost in the sound of the crowd.

Kiki let out a long, long breath when she was gone. She looked briefly at the guard, who didn’t react, then slowly returned to the case. He didn’t seem bothered when she pressed one hand to the glass for support, at least. And if he was listening when she murmured one last thing aloud, she found she didn’t care.

“Oh, buddy,” Keyleth said to the little clockwork bear. “This just got a lot more complicated.”

Trinket roared his agreement before slowly, slowly winding down, going silent and still once more.

[80srockher]

Yuri on Ice Re-Watch and Live Commentary, Episode 12: Final Skate: Gotta Super-Super-Supercharge It!!! Grand Prix Final Free Skate

It.  Is.  FINISHED.

You know that feeling when a fan-nish project is projected to take only a few weeks, during the Summer, mind you, but ends up spanning, oh, about three months?  I do, now.

**Begin rant** 

Me, too, Vitya!  End what, Yuri??

I mean, it's more than a little crazy that he thought this is something Victor would be relieved to here.  It's as if they have been existing on different planes of reality.

Listen. Victor has shed tears a grand total of two times in 12 episodes and both incidents involved Yuri.  Yet Yuri still doesn't think he’s important enough to merit more of his Victor’s time away from skating.  Just.  YURI. AUGH!!!

The actor's decision to read this line as if Yuri's revelation has not stabbed Victor in the heart is masterful.  There's only so much pretending the man is capable of.

This is hella relatable as someone who also doesn't want to be touched when I'm upset by THE VERY PERSON WHO UPSET ME.  Give him a minute to process this, Yuri.

This is just a horrible, horrible cap.  Vitya is thoroughly in kicked-puppy-mode.

Um, did you ignore absolutely everything else that occurred afterwards?  Including when he straight-up said to your face that he wishes you'd never retire?

Don't fire him, Yuri!

Yuri was really out there listenin' to friends instead of Victor.  How many times did Victor ignore the others' entreaties to return to competition to remain his coach?  Don't join that Greek chorus. Yuri.      

I beg to differ.  He's always concerned about your well-being, which is why you gave him an expensive-ass symbol of devotion and put it on his ring finger.  Good God, boy.

This inspiration thing goes both ways, Yuri.  LISTEN TO VICTOR.  He is telling you what HE wants In This Moment.  Not what YOU think is best for HIM.    

Like hell! You two hash this out right now!

**End rant**

Look, a skater who was popular back when I used to watch.  LOL.  Stephane L-l-l-l-lambiel!

So, sports reporter Marooka remarks about how Yuri hasn't been seen practicing in public since the day after the short program, which has worried his fans (see, Yuri, you have FANS.)  You mean to tell me Yuri and Victor have been at odds with each other for two whole days now?!?!

Cartoon!Lambiel picks up on Yuri and Victor's uncharacteristically low energy.

You don't say, Stephane.

Also: Victor knows Stephane, personally.  What a celeb.

At least flag guy has re-energized himself since JJ's short program.

"Don't eff it up."

"Don't eff it up."

"Don't eff it up."

He eff'd it up.

Wow, shades of Yuri from episode one.

Deep, bro.

Aww! The parents in this show are the best cheerleaders.  If only there was time during the season to meet all of them.  I'd def like to see Phichit's parents.

So, JJ's dad is reminiscing on some of his son's past coaches.  Celestino, then played by Peg Bundy, was one of them.

Also…. I'm really curious as to what JJ needed to say yes to.

Damn you, Mickey Lannister Crispino!  Hands off!

Seung Gil! What an awesome cameo.  

I don't know much about scoring in figure skating but this seems a mite high for a program that was mostly jumps.

Yay! No other comment needed.

Phichit's ice-show dreams are as adorable as he is.  Christophe with a hamster cap is utterly, utterly charming.  I would fork over cold, hard blood plasma donation cash to see this in person.

It shouldn't be like this between them; especially not when Yuri plans to end his competitive career, here.

And really, why is Yuri so upset with Victor?  I suspect Yuri's selfishness runs deeper than either of them realize. IMO, he's afraid Victor might come to resent him if he retires from skating to coach him, then regrets it.

But honestly, Yuri should know Victor better than that by now.

Despite everything, Victor is still trying to be the coach Yuri needs.

But… Yuri doesn't want Victor to play coach right now.

So tickle his fancy, Victor.

Um…

Victor has an interesting sense of humor.

Also, he did win the one against the teenagers at the local comp.  Though I have no idea if a qualifier is considered part of the Senior circuit.

Yeah, katsudon's not the only way to celebrate, Yuri.  Victor wants to really give you something worth winning for.

This is just an R&B song waiting to happen.

Hmm… whatever could you mean, Yuri?

I really love how they've cut Yuri's long program with clips of Victor from Yuri's memory.  It's a visual culmination of a journey.

Ahh, that's what he meant about making up his mind about his goal.  And that's why he wanted Victor to stop playing at being coach.  Because he wasn't going to listen to him, anyway.  You know, the usual.

Yuri's internal dialogue during his routine reveals his desire to stay in figure skating with Victor forever and his fear of killing Victor's career if he remains Yuri's coach.  Victor… have you not shared with the man how competition was already slowly killing you? Might wanna do that sometime in the very, very near future.

Yuri… just loves Victor.  He can't always articulate how much, but he can show it.  His program is one big tribute to Victor and Yuri's desire to prove everyone how much Victor means to him as a coach and an inspiration.

And Victor gets the message loud and clear.

Mari+Minako are, yet again, Me.

Something I should've wondered by now is how half-blind Yuri can tell where Victor is standing.

The monkey-on-his-back that is Anxiety.

Seriously, you performed to the absolute best of your ability, Yuri.  Relax.  Relate. Release.  

Wowsa, dude.

Sooooo, Victor has just congratulated Yuri on his record-breaking performance and implies that he might come back to competition in the same breath he confesses his pride in both his pupils.  The possibility of Victor's return delights Yuri to no-end but gives me pause.  A lot of pause.

Victor. My dude.  Are you just trying not to ruin the mood?  Because quite honestly, one of the very valuable lessons you should've learned on this journey is that a little selfishness can be a good thing.  I know you want to make a grand gesture after Yuri's grand gesture but YOU CAN'T BOTH KEEP MAKING GRAND GESTURES.  You'll hurt yourselves trying to show the world your love.  

Moving on... Chris is on the ice, having serious thoughts about how Yuri, who was rumored to retire after the GPF, beat his personal best.  He laments that it won't be as easy for him to win gold as he first thought.

Then he witnesses the happy couple doing their thing.

And gets distracted.  

This is in regards to Victor.  Chris is rethinking his initial calculation of GPF - Victor = gold for him.

Aww, Chris is Phichit's buddy.  Why am I not surprised?

This scene is after Chris decides to change an earlier jump composition to the second half of his program.  Can't say he's not a fighter.

Dawww, Minako.

Really? That's it?!  By my estimation, that program was better than JJ's.  What am I missing?

Boo, this is the last time I'll see my babe, Leo.

But I concur.  Go, Otabek! I'm fond of his music choices, skating, and his costumes.  

So, Victor finds Yakov to tell him he wants to return to competition.  I mean, it couldn’t have waited until after Yurio’s skate, V?

Once upon a time, news of Victor's return may have pleased Yurio.  Now, his first concern is Yuri.  

And Victor is Not.  Happy. About this.  He’s about to cry here, tbqh.

Annnnd he requires immediate comfort.  This is sad. More than sad, when I consider Victor is letting Yuri call the shots, here.  Competing again should be Victor's own decision, as well.

Yeah, that's good advice to pass along, Victor.

I've been debating as to whether or not I should parse out the intricacies of Victor's isolation.  Honestly, I think the writers did a well-enough job of it.  I suppose I still wonder, as many others have, about his family.

I'll go out on a limb and assume he has or had people in his life that taught him to love like he does and to treat other people kindly.  One doesn't learn those sorts of things in a vacuum.  However, I headcanon Victor as having been scouted and, once recruited, moved closer to a training facility, a la these athletes.

So, isolated?  Yes. Friend-less and family-less?  I doubt it, or at least it wasn't always that way.

Meanwhile, Yuri's looking for his man.  Perhaps to tell him that he's already changed his mind about retiring?  In that case, please, look harder Yuri!

Just needed to slide in this cap of Mila getting sprung by Otabek's skating.  Good taste, Mila.

I don't know who JJ has in his pocket on the judging panel, but Otabek just completed a perfect program AND he was ahead of JJ after the short program.  Logic would dictate he'd be ahead of JJ now. But, do as you will, YOI.

This is in regards to Yuri.  In flashbacks during Yurio's routine, we discover that he was actually impressed with Yuri's prior GPF free skate, despite the errors.  It was only after he found Yuri crying in the bathroom stall that he lost respect for him.  Must be Yurio's special brand of encouragement: "Stop crying, get better, or get out of the game!"  Yeah. That must be it.

Anyway, now Yurio has changed his tune and doesn't want Yuri to retire, at all. Cute.

Lilia is so proud of her angry, pseudo- son.

 Yurio completes his most difficult program ever with only one fall.  During his skate, it's revealed that part of his motivation was to become a new goal for Yuri to surpass.  That's nice and all, but not at the expense of your own health, Yurio.

I don't think Yuri would want that for him, either.

Yurio defeats Yuri by a sliver of a margin.  I will admit to initially being surprised by the result before considering (and re-considering, after this re-watch) a few things:

Yurio won because it's entirely possible he may not win again for at least a little while.

His lack of stamina is well-documented, he's in the Senior circuit with grown men who can, and have, beat him already, and he's yet to hit a growth spurt. If the series continues into a second season, then I foresee the writers exploring these very realistic scenarios for Yurio.

This is partially why I don't predict Yurio achieving what Victor has, at least not right away.  There's not enough drama in that narrative to fill up an entire season, IMO.

Or, at the very least, they'll use Yurio to address the conflict over becoming as isolated as Victor has during his struggle to maintain dominance in the sport.

Yurio won because the name of the show is 'Yuri on Ice’.

Also, if the writers decide to have Yuri eventually retire (because he is of that age), then they don't even have to change the show’s title.  How convenient.

Last, and what I think is obviously implied in this episode: Yurio won so that Yuri would change his mind about retiring.

However… Yuri had already changed his mind.  And his biggest motivator in that decision was still Victor, so… kinda wish they hadn't made Yurio go out and suffer like that for no good reason. Honestly, there's little chance of him repeating this performance.

Anyway….

Awww! Yay!

So, Victor's in a teasing mood after Yuri presents him with his well-earned silver medal. Victor insists that he only wants to kiss gold.  So, what do you have that would be a suitable substitute, Yuri?

Eff that medal Yuri just unceremoniously dropped to the ground in preference to hopping in Victor's lap.  Coach me for another year, Victor!

What a lovely step forward for our boy, Yuri.  He didn't win gold but, all joking aside, Victor doesn't care.  Yuri’s next gold medal will be a token to Victor, instead of unnecessary proof that he was worth Victor’s time, all along.

Besides, I think he’s already given Victor the only golden item he truly wants.

But, I mean, only if you WANT to, Victor.  Are you afraid Yuri will change his mind if you change yours?  I hope that's not the case.

 Apparently, this is the only payment Victor will accept for coaching Yuri. Ok, so you're going to compete and hopefully earn some sponsorship money to pay your own bills all while coaching someone else for free?  Do we need to have a 'Victor on Ice,' a show about Victor re-learning the value of doing one thing at a time?

Roll credits!

How sweet!

The serendipity that is cartoon-world.  "I want to coach a skater from another country while also competing for my own country and you can't stop me because I'm animated!"

or

"I want to do a pair skate with my coach for my exhibition.  Know why?  Because the writers say I can!!  Ha!"

Anyway, this is romantic AF.

Cut to this adorbs face...

Running towards this one, here.

And yeah. WE'D BETTER.  Because their story isn’t over!

 The End!

If you managed to get through my all streams of consciousness, full of bad screencaps and even worse grammar, then I humbly and sincerely thank you!  I enjoyed doing it and hope you enjoyed reading it.  

[franklyshipping]

A Crushing Crush ~ A Markiplier, Jacksepticeye and Crankgameplays Ego Fanfic

Okey dokey sooooo this is based off a lovely prompt from @amazingmsme regarding how a poor Blank feels like he's blown his chance at flirting with Bim and ends up despairing to Anti....and the glitch has a good idea on how to stop him moping. LET'S BEGIN!

TAGGING: @corrup-switch-blank @ticklee-trimmer aaand @anti-switch-glitch

Romance....is a challenge. It really is. Finding the right words, the right gestures, the right damn expression to wear as you say the right joke at the right time. To those who are inclined with romance and flirting, I think you can all agree that it is a rare occasion when it works seamlessly. In fact it hardly ever happens. Whoever is involved will always be a flustered, cheesy, overthinking mess of a human filled with frustration, yelling at themselves in their brains and insulting themselves because nothing seems to be working. Which is entirely normal when you're crushing hard on someone, like Blank was currently. Another thing about having a crush on someone is that you want to be around them, but don't want to force your company on them for fear of them finding you clingy and annoying....so you find the safe, but slightly creepy, middle ground of lingering. Blank was hovering in the doorway to the kitchen, fiddling with his flayed hoodie sleeves as his eyes flicked around the room....before fixing on one person. Bim Trimmer.

To the rest of us who simply like him, the sight of him sitting at the counter and sighing contentedly into a fresh cup of tea would have probably given us an empathetic sense of calm and relaxation, and made us think oh hey! I'd like hot drink right about now because I have been inspired by this hereby human! Not Blank. Blank was infatuated and melting inside at how the tenseness of Bim's shoulders melted away as he had his tea, and how as he drank he developed a small, but clearly happy smile. Blank wondered if Bim would ever smile at him like that, or if one day he'd look at Blank and feel relaxed and safe. I bet you thought some creepiness was going to interject Blank's thoughts here didn't you? That ain't how a crush works. A crush is noticing the smaller things about a person that they probably don't notice themselves, but to you they are the most beautiful and defining things of that person. It's so stressful. Blank's fidgeting was an outlet for that stress as he tried to figure out how to articulate his existence to Bim....so he greeted him.

'Hey Bim....'

Bim jumped and let out a yip as he whirled round in his seat, before placing a dramatic hand on his chest as he smiled broadly at Blank.

'Oh lordy, you made me jump there! You're like a little phantom!'

Ohhh god. Bim had a habit of giving people random pet names and it was one of the things about him that made Blank's system erupt into butterflies, but not only that....he'd given HIM one! Blank was silent for a moment, taking in Bim's smile as his mind repeated; don't lose composure sort yourself out reply reply reply-

'Oh, heh, s-sorry about that, I guess I am kind of a creeper....'

He looked down bashfully....oh if only he knew how Bim's eyes had softened so affectionately. Blank soon looked back at him when he spoke in a broad, loud, energetic tone of voice.

'You are nothing of the sort! Come on join me, how are you doing? What's your day been like?'

His day had mostly been spent bribing each and every Google in order to persuade one of them to hack into the filming schedule for Bim and Wilford's collaborative TV show so he could know Bim's scheduled breaks and thus plan flirtatious advances. It had been busy. However, as every embarrassed crusher does when posed with such a question from their love interest, he hesitantly sat down and shrugged.

'Eh, not much has happened really, how about yours?'

Blank's mind whispered ''coward'' as he focused his gaze on Bim, who launched into a passionate babble concerning set and interviews and something called a ''damn bubble-gum co-worker with a murdering hobbie''. Of course, Blank listened, wanting to catch every detail in case it became important in later conversations; romantic advances are the most complex rpg's, I guarantee it. Blank's focus however, was not just on Bim's words....but on Bim's entirety. The way his eyes shone when he mentioned an idea that had been approved, the way wrinkles in his forehead appeared when he talked about technical mishaps, but most of all the gestures and constantly changing tone of voice that came hand in hand with his vibrant, passionate nature. He loved his work, and that made Blank love it; whatever made Bim happy, made Blank happy. Blank had noticed that as he listened, his jaw had slowly started to drop open, so he snapped it shut as Bim concluded.

'-and so I'm relying on my sweet green tea to boost me for the next four hours, basically!'

Bim exhaled with a grin as he took a pointedly large gulp of the drink, making Blank fail to withhold a soft smile. Whenever he rambled it was so adorable, he was just so enthusiastic about everything. However.....Blank had spotted an opportunity....for a flirtation. He straightened up, and casually leant his elbow on the table as he smiled at Bim and spoke in a tone of voice that was lower than his usual register.

'Wow, you definitely sound like you deserve that tea. Sweet tea is very appropriate too in my opinion; hot sweet tea for a hot sweet man.'

Blank's heart was almost beating out of his chest as he tried to stop his voice from cracking, and he actually succeeded. Phew. His heart leapt when Bim's eyes widened and he let out a little giggle, oh gosh the dimples the dimples. Bim was smiling, his eyes sparkling from behind his spectacles as he replied in a lower tone of his own.

'Ahaaww Blank, you are way more kind than people give you credit for!'

Don't. Fucking. Blush. Blank couldn't stop himself from smiling giddily but he'd be damned if he lost control of the blood flow to his face. He cleared his throat softly and bashfully ran a hand through his jet black unruly hair, he hadn't done anything to neaten it up today....guys liked unruliness right? That's what all the TV shows depicted. Blank replied with a half-bashful half-smouldery grin.

'I uh, w-well I enjoy....being kind....'

To you. Blank it's two extra words, two syllables, you don't even have to move your mouth that much! Somehow though, in the face of specificity, Blank's vocals decided this would be the perfect time to freeze up. Bim didn't seem to notice, simply leaning forward and playfully squishing Blank's cheek as he teased.

'You're such a cute sap!'

Blank was literally frozen in place. Bim was touching him Bim was touching his face with his actual hand....dammit he was blushing. Blank was holding his breath too, even as Bim retracted and glanced at his watch; but then he let out a groan and a sigh.

'Dammit that break went quick, they always do. I have to dash, I'll see you around my little phantom!'

He chuckled as he slid from his seat and left the room with the rest of his tea in hand. Blank was just still and silent. He was like that for a few minutes, until he slowly but surely raised his hand and brought it to his cheek, softly tracing the place Bim had touched as a dazed smile rose up on his face; but then he frowned. He stood up and approached the fridge door....and started lightly banging his head against it.

'Stupid. Idiot. Why. Can't. You. Flirt. Properly?!'

He let out little frustrated grunts and whines as he maintained his self-deprecation with a lot of enthusiasm; five minutes later, that's how Antisepticeye found him. The glitching man stood in the doorway with folded arms and an amused grin in place, he waited before entering and teasing in a blasé tone.

'Jeez man, what did the fridge ever do to you?'

Blank's reply was extremely detailed and encased in the most descriptive vernacular, wherein he turned to Anti, scowled, pulled his hood up over his face and traipsed to the neighbouring lounge where he could flop unceremoniously onto the couch.

'Go. Away.'

Anti snickered and rolled his eyes as he followed Blank without question, and proceeded to sit on his legs as soon as he'd flopped onto the couch. Anti was grinning amusedly, since he knew all about Blank's pining; he found it sickeningly cute.

'Why so grouchy? Is your unnoticed fawning gettin' ya down?'

Blank let out a huff, feeling uncomfortable on his front so he shuffled onto his back, a solid frown in place. Anti observed Blank, and he couldn't help but feel bad for the guy, because he knew he was trying to try his best. He could see the forlornness in Blank's expression, as well as self-directed annoyance and frustration; Anti didn't know much about wooing but he knew that any expression other than that was bound to work better in the scheme of things. Anti gave one of Blank's legs a shove as he tried to muster up a....positive tone of persuasion?

'Well you definitely won't be able to flirt right if you're moping here, c'mon I bet you'll be able to catch him before his next bout of filming!'

Blank glanced at Anti, sighing a little; he appreciated that Anti was trying to help, but it really wasn't working for him. He didn't feel like there was any point. He was trying so hard and yet nothing was coming from it, he wanted to be bolder but how could he do that without making Bim uncomfortable, obligated or overwhelmed?

'There's no point, I've tried everything, don't waste your breath Anti-'

'Oi! If ya start thinking like that ya won't stop! I will help your gay ass out even if I have to use force....'

Anti trailed off with a cheeky, menacing smile.....which Blank merely scoffed at. Anti was slightly taken aback; Blank must really have lost hope if he had the nerve to scoff at a threat from Antisepticeye. Blank was about to roll back onto his stomach in an attempt to escape Anti's convoluted attempt at help, before he suddenly felt the glitch scoot on top of him and settle on his thighs. Blank gritted his teeth, tugging at his legs and letting his eyes flick to pitch black as he growled.

'Anti I am warning you!'

It was Anti's turn to scoff as he donned a smirk, his own eyes flicking to a deep, endless black that seemed to coincide with his own growl; but his was deeper, more used, more threatening.

'Oh please, I practically invented the soulless eye trick so don't think you can surpass me. Now, you've got one last chance. Come with me to Bim, or I will make you.'

Blank couldn't ignore the chill that went down his spine....he knew a genuine threat when he heard it, and the fear of the unknown was pounding in his chest. He couldn't do it though; he really felt there was no chance for his affections to come to anything now. He was firm as the black from his eyes dimmed and his irises turned to look at the floor.

'No.....it's pointless Anti, just accept it.'

Anti couldn't help but feel disheartened.....Blank really did believe that. He wasn't going to let that halt him though; Anti always was a determined bastard. He let his smirk widened as his eager fingers twitched.

'Sorry, but the only actually pointless thing here is your cute attempt at defiance.'

Before Blank could retort, he jumped with a gasp. Oh he wouldn't....oh he wouldn't dare, would he? Yep oh shit he was he really was. Blank's lips trembled as he hurried to hug his torso, but Anti's fingertips had already found his ribs and were scratching away with a terrifying determination. Blank squirmed about and tried to keep quiet, but soon any toughness had just....melted away; one of the best perks of ticklishness in my opinion, it even brings down the strongest we have to offer.

'I-It ihis n-not cute! S-Stohop this Antihi s-stop ihit!'

Each syllable was sharp from Blank's lips as he tried to contain his mirth, but as we all know, when one giggle escapes they all do; and he'd already let out quite a few. Anti grinned excitedly as he scratched harder.

'Oh of course! I'll happily stop.....if you go and see Bim that is.'

Blank rapidly shook his head as his lips stretched more into a grin and giggles took over his vocals, he tried to let out a threatening snarl as he glared up at Anti; although the latter would argue later that it was way more of a pout.

'Noho wahahay! Ahanti Ihi swehear you ahare fohohor ihit once thihis ihis ohoveheher!'

Anti narrowed his eyes and cocked his head to the side, before his scratches morphed into scribbles and ruthless pinches as he cooed teasingly.

'I'm sorry what was that? Was that a threat thing? You know those automatically make tickle torture worse right?'

Blank wasn't sure what it was that brought a grey-misted red tinge to his cheeks, whether it was the increased intensity or the nonchalant, malicious tease; all he knew was, he was pretty damn flustered. He writhed under his tormentor as he hit out and yelled defiantly.

'Thihis ihis sOHO DUHUMB LEHET ME GOHOHO!'

Anti snickered as he dug into the ribcage before him, casually working his way further and further up whilst he sneered cheekily.

'It isn't dumb if it works-'

'IHIHIT IHIHISN'T!'

Anti raised an eyebrow at Blank brazen interruption, and relished in the smaller man's shiver when he leant closer to him. His lips quivered and his head jerked threateningly, glitching with new ferality as he spoke.

'Isn't it? That's funny, because from my perspective....'

Blank let out a howl of laughter as Anti's finger's forced themselves into his sensitive armpits, scratching away as Anti whispered.

'....it feels like those bitchy defiant walls of yours are just crumbling away.'

Blank was thrashing with an agape mouth and wide eyes as jolts of ticklishness surged through his body; he was barely touched normally by people, let alone tickled this intensely! His nerves weren't used to it, which made Anti's teasing statement all the more accurate. Much to his inner embarrassment, the begs flew from his lips before he could stop them.

'NAHAHAHAT AHAHANTI ANTIANTIANTI C'MOHOHON PLEHEHEHEASE!!'

Anti could not have grinned wider if he tried. He kept scratching and let out a satisfied hum, the whacking and batting he was receiving at his chest not even phasing him as he cooed in a reprimanding tone.

'None of this would be happening if you weren't such a little brat y'know, if you'd accepted my help in the first place ya could have avoided this!'

Blank let out a loud whine as he thrashed, cheeks filling with more colour as his energy really started seeping from him; the tickling was doing a good job of draining him. Through his light hysteria though, Blank did see Anti's point; he was offering him help at the point where he needed it....but there was still a strong pessimist within him. A strong part of his mind emphasising how it was pointless, hopeless, persuading away any optimism; that was the part that cried out now.

'BUHUHUT IHIHIT'S UHUSELEHESS AHAND POHOHOINTLEHESS!!'

Blank's cry was desperate, and Anti pursed his lips when he saw the mirthful tears starting to build at the corners of his eyes; the glitch reluctantly relented, for now at least. Despite the silliness of his technique, the whole scenario did make him....sad. Anti cared for Blank like a brother and seriously wished there was a way to carve out that unpleasant pessimism once and for all so that Blank wouldn't have to be tormented by those constant doubts and arguments. He watched Blank catch his breath, and gritted his teeth when he saw the forlorn glimmers that still existed in his eyes. Anti may not have had an instant fix, but he WOULD help Blank one way or another. He let out a purposefully loud sigh as his fingers trailed absently down Blank's torso, and his tone of voice was deep and solemn.

'It really isn't, yeah it's tough and hard work and sometimes it can be crappy when your efforts don't seem to change shit. But that's why when results do come, and trust me they do, they're all the more fucking brilliant! C'mon, ya can't tell me that doesn't make you wanna keep trying!'

Blank shivered at the feeling of Anti's tracing, his entire body was rigid in an attempt at self-defence; it was a useless attempt though. Blank had to bite back a snarl, because annoyingly Anti was right. He tilted his head to the side though, pursing his already thin lips into a line as he mumbled shakily; his brain was trying to focus on the sensible reasoning Anti provided, but it still needed a push or two.

'Y-Yeah b-but.....it's more complicated th-than that....'

Anti only felt more confident; the stutters alone proved that he was getting to Blank and making a difference. He just had to persist a little longer, and Anti knew precisely how to do that. He raised an eyebrow as his fingers traipsed down where they teasingly brushed over Blank's prominent hip bones.

'I'll make it simple for ya then shall I? Come with me, and prove my generic words right.....or stay here. All day. Being tickled until you lose your mind.'

Blank gulped, breath hitching when he felt the touch at his hips. He looked up at Anti wide-eyed....he really knew how to threaten. He ended up stammering as his squirms started up again, his voice going a few octaves higher too.

'I-.....I-Ihi c-can't.....'

No sooner had Blank spoken, he'd let out an involuntary squeak before descending into a stream of breathless giggles. Anti's thumbs traced circles round and over Blank's sensitive, delicate hip bones; it wasn't a place of hysteria, but it was more than enough to break him. Anti was grinning as he leant down properly, letting his stubble brush against Blank's ear as he cooed.

'Then that means you'll have to endure this, do you realise that? If you decline now, I'll get to play with your ticklish hips for hour....after hour....after hour. Teasing them in the ways I know turn you into a weak little puddle....'

Blank let out a whimper as he squirmed about, using his hands to cover his face as he giggled and twitched. Dammit fuck dammit why did he have to have a nervous system like this? His face was burning hot as his weak, shivery voice trickled forth.

'P-Plehehease A-Anti....n-nohot thihis notthisnotthisnotthis yohou kn-know Ihi cahahahan't....'

Anti smirked as he softly nuzzled into Blank's neck, relishing in the plethora of true, un-repressed noises that came from his cute little victim. It was really adorable. He purred, letting his sharp teases do the work now.

'I know you can't take it Blanky, and that's why I gotta do it. You know you wanna give in, do anything to make the soft touches stop, do anything to allow your poor nerves some mercy. You know what you need to do Blank.'

Blank let out a desperate whine as Anti's thumbs found the bowels of his hips, massaging deep but slow into the bundles of nerve endings tucked away. Blank arched his back, even more so when he felt Anti's diabolical facial hair sending sharp shocks down his spine; Blank knew he was too ticklish to cope any longer, he knew he would give in soon.

'Ohogohod m-mehehercy p-pleaseplease oho plehease! Ihit tihickles s-so b-bahad Antihi i-it tihickles...'

Anti grinned in triumph at the sound of Blank's desperate babbles; he knew he'd won. He directed his nuzzling behind the man's ear as his thumbs maintained their soft, but unwavering, torment. He whispered.

'You know it's over....all ya gotta do is accept it.'

Blank let out a desperate, pleading mewl as he squeezed his eyes shut....then accepted it. Anti was the most malicious, relentless person he'd ever encountered; but he had the right morals which was the greatest, yet most annoying, thing ever. So, Blank succumbed as he shivered and quivered and giggled like a man with no more defences.

'Okahahay o-okahay i-ihi'll d-do ihit! I-Ihi'll tahalk t-to Bihihim agahain Ihi w-will!'

Anti chuckled deeply with immense, smug satisfaction. He was smirking broadly as he reared up and effortlessly slid off Blank's legs, now standing next to the couch and looking down as his slowly recovering victim.

'Damn right you will ya smitten shithead, come on, we've got no time to lose!'

Blank hurriedly sat up and hugged himself, forcing away the residual shivers and chills as he looked up at Anti with trepidation; he couldn't deny he was terrified, but he took a deep breath and nodded.

'Y-Yeah....yeah okay, o-okay fuck it let's do this.'

Anti grinned before grabbing the front of his hoodie and hauling him to his feet, wrapping an arm round his shoulder, and leading him from the room enthusiastically.

'That's the attitude! Right, let's decide your game plan....'

Thus, they headed off. Blank's nerves regarding his crush on Bim hadn't been dimmed, but he couldn't deny he had more sparks of confidence. He wasn't on his own, even if Anti was fixated on saying he should find and kill any enemies Bim may have, he couldn't deny how much he appreciated it and felt better for it. Acting on feelings is a tough beast, but let me tell you, the rewards are wild and worth any damn battles you end up fighting.

FICKIN DO N E WOOP! I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY THIS WOOO LUV YOUS XXX

[outerbankies]

Hey babes, it's me. Again. Now, you've got me addicted to your writing style and I need more. I've been going through your entire masterlist and your way with words is just way too damn good. I never thought I'd find myself actually wanting to hang out with Kooks. Thanks to you. I don't know if that's good or bad actually. However, you describe everyone so well; the way they behave and articulate themselves... it's genuinely insane to me. Now, here's my deal: since I'm now one of your biggest fans probably... I have a request. I know that someone probably wrote about this cliché already but I need this from you.

It's almost like your "new light" series but what if the reader and Rafe have know each other since kindergarten but never had any sort of relationship. They knew about each others existence because of their partners and, duh, it's Figure 8. However, they never hung out or anything like that, even though they had mutual friends like Kelce or Topper. Eventually the reader moves away to pursue some sort of career or education and nobody really notices, especially not Rafe. Many more years later you're teenagers, growing into adulthood and you return to OBX just in time for Rafe to come back to OBX too (like, my mindset is ending of season two right now. He's... having issues and is still addicted to drugs & all. Pretty much fucked up) and so you somehow bump into each other and recognise eachother. It's an odd but good feeling weirdly enough. You find yourself being drawn to one another and Rafe wants to better himself, even more, for you. To become a part in your life. Surprisingly you help him through it and it involves a lot of fear of him, harsh words being thrown at you, having to pick him up somewhere because he's too fucked up to even get up and Kelce and Topper didn't even care anymore at that point (or they were too drunk themselves) and stuff like that, you know? And then... they fall in love. Rest is history. Would you be up for that eventually? Id love for you to write this one day. Maybe turn it into a series or just one big fat blurb. No pressure though, just wanted to send this to you. 💓💓💓

hi! first of all, wow! thank you so much for saying that, i really appreciate all of your kind words and i’m saving this message for sure. it means a lot to me. second of all, i’m not really taking requests right now except for new light concepts.

and thank you so much for thinking of me with this idea, but i really don’t write the more canon version of rafe that comes with addiction or any sort of emotionally abusive behavior. in a few of my fics i’ll mention that he does coke, but it’s usually off-handed and casual (and he isn’t usually the love interest).

i just don’t feel comfortable writing him that way or really trust myself to seriously portray addiction or even write from the POV of a character in a relationship with someone who is struggling with addiction. very serious and heavy stuff that should be treated as such!

again though, thank you for this! maybe someone else in this fandom can write it for you, there are sooooo many talented rafe writers out there