#i have so many stories !!! i need to stop procrastinating now but i wanna talk more about the other ones... as well as the worlds theyre in

[alirienn]

what are u waiting for. tell us the oc lore.

I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT THEYRE SO CUTEEEE ARE THOSE SPIDER LILIES

AA THANK U ;__;!!! those r dutchman's pipe cactus! everyone in this universe has an associated plant

uh oh i've been enabled lskdjfsd theres so much where do i begin... for starters her name's iphyll, her family got roped into a cult and now she's trying to escape with the help of these guys

from left to right adia (spider lily), aricus (aster), mera (jade vine)

adia is the mc of this story (memento mori) and it centres around him investigating strange incidents around town bc he thinks his hated scientist older bro has something to do with it (spoilers he's right, lol) it leads to him meeting aricus, who claims she can see the future, and later iphyll & mera who are both trying to escape the cult

they're all good(?) friends(?) (debatable)

[successfulgoddess333]

MY LONG AWAITED SUCCESS STORY PLUS RANT/YALL NEED THIS STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND READ

First things first

I’m tired of being nice

I have took time out of MY day to help you guys

EVERY DAY

I have given tips methods

Advice answered questions

Replied to countless amounts of DMs

Etc etc I’m not providing false hope here I AM trying to help you guys

I’m getting so many different suggestions and asks

Let me say this

STOP

from now on

No more questions

If it’s urgent

Like you really wanna know something

DM me

I WILL respond

No more questions asking how to enter the void

My account is literally talking about HOW TO ENTER THE VOID STATE

Are instructions not clear?????

Get off your butt and fucking do it!!!!

Stop procrastinating stop being lazy stop asking questions you spreads know the answers to

And for the love of God

STOP ASKING ME TO ENTER FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!

I’m doing what I can to help you all manifest

But it’s YOUR job to make it happen

Y’all used my kindness against me and it’s pissing me off I’m tired of people not even asking anymore

Just begging me

I AM NOT A MAGICIAN

I was literally YOU

not too long ago

I am a nice person but I am at my limits

Stop repeating questions

Look at my page for the answers you need

Stop asking me to enter for you

If it’s not happening

DM me for ADVICE

I used to be the kid that got asked by others to do their homework for them

If I didn’t put my foot down

Y’all were gonna drive me insane

Literally

I love y’all but stop depending on me

Just ask

For advice

But stop treating me like a Genie

And I manifested for someone and it doesn’t work

Then what

Am I a liar now???

Am I fake??

Like are you serious

Bruh I’m serious when I say

I’ve had enough

Read this story to see how YOU CAN ALSO

Transform your life

I literally went from

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

I went from slitting my own wrists and going in my closet trying to hang myself EVERY FUCKING NIGHT

I used to stare in the mirror

Crying about how my body looked

I used to go to school scared because I was getting abused by guys there and bullied by girls

All my friends turned their backs on me and I literally said

FUCK IT

I don’t deserve this fucking life so you know what I did????

I changed it

It’s so easy it’s insane

I too over complicated it

I too was desperate

But your desires are yours

They just are

Ignore them MF negative thoughts

Matter of a fact don’t even call it that

You are giving your “intrusive” thoughts power by saying they are negative

Don’t label them as intrusive thoughts

THEY DO NOT EXIST

THEY WILL NEVER MANIFEST

And I’m not just saying that it’s true

It’s soooo fucking true

By labeling them as “intrusive” or “negative” you’re giving them power

To take over and control your life

When this is not what you want

Don’t fear your own head

Bitch it’s YOUR BRAIN

It can’t NOT listen to you

Change your goddamn assumptions

You are a bad bitch you’re hot beautiful

You’re THAT bitch

Bad bitches don’t beg we make shit happen

Get off your cute ass and go get your dream fucking life

Bitch you can have it all

You can marry Shawn Mendez

Be the sexiest model on the planet (but you’re only 5’3) OK ANDDDDD

Marissa Rose is the first 4’11 runway model

You mean to tell me it’s not possible???

They have plus size models

Shirt models

Models with tig ol biddies

Models with tattoos models with piercings models with scars etc

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

You can get a call back from that job

Better yet fuck 9 to 5s

Bitch YOU ARE RICH

You are literally Jeff Bezos

Don’t manifest “small shit” cuz if you can get an apartment and a job

You can also manifest $100 million and 2500 square feet mansion

You can have superpowers

You can be a master manifestor

You can become a celebrity and overnight

You can meet your favorite celebrities at awards shows

You can sit next to Ice Spice at the Grammys

EVEN SHE MANIFESTED HER DREAM LIFE

There’s proof in her old tweets and in your interviews

YOU CAN HAVE HARRY STYLES TICKETS FOR WHENEVER HE DECIDES TO DROP AN ALBUM

YOU CAN BE THE NEXT BEYONCÉ

YOU CAN MEET OR EVEN PERFORM WITH TAYLOR SWIFT

YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOU WANT

YOU CAN SHIFT TO ANOTHER REALITY AND MEET MICHAEL JACKSON

YOU CAN HAVE THE SINGING VOICE OF AALIYAH OR MF MARIAH CAREY

YOU CAN MANIFEST THAT YOUR DOG NEVER DIED OR THAT

YOUR EX STILL MISSES YOU

KANYE WEST MANIFESTED KIM K

TOM HOLLAND MANIFESTED ZENDAYA

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU CANT HAVE

MICHAEL B JORDAN WAITING ON YOU HAND AND FOOT????

YOU CAN ENTER THE VOID MANIFEST YOUR Sp

AND WAKE UP NEXT TO YOUR CRUSH

YOU CAN MANIFEST BEING IMMUNE TO BAD SHIT BEING A GODDESS BEING SO BEAUTIFUL THAT PEOPLE FORGET MEGAN FOX EXISTS

YOU CAN MANIFEST LOOKING LIKE MARILYN MONROE

OR MADISON BEER

YOU CAN MANIFEST TALENT

BITCH ITS ALL POSSIBLE

You OWN THIS SHIT THIS IS YOUR LIFE BOO

Go fucking get it!!!!!!!

SUCCESS STORY

I was tired of own shit so I used the method that I created

I already posted it

Go read it

Here’s what I manifested

1. SP

I manifested a girlfriend because I’m bisexual asf

And I created her on my phone

Just write if list of what she looks and acts like

I manifested my dream career

I manifested platonic SPs

As in friendships

Money

A strong intuition

More knowledge

A better self concept

Immunity

The ability to hypnotize with my eyes(OK I HAVENT TESTED THIS OUT BUT IM EXCITED TO)

Meeting a celebrity

Can’t say who but I manifested it for the future

I even got pets now!!! A puppy two kittens and two snakes!!

I manifested lots of cool talents

I improved my dancing!!!!!!

I was insecure about my voice

So I changed it

Deadass I sound kinda sexy now

I wanted a whispery ass voice😭😭

So I got oneeee

I also manifested a LOT of personal stuff that I won’t share

Unfortunately I’m SUPER protective of my soul and just overall self

And I’m not posting a face reveal

This might seem surprising to most

My passive aggressive behavior but this is literally how I am daily

I really am nice but y’all just make me ANXIOUS

But still

I love you darlings soooo much

Like for real

But please just pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Don’t make me your wish granter

Make your own wishes come true

If it’s cool with y’all

I’ll manifest tonight

That entering the void will be easy for you guys

But you HAVE to do it yourself I can only guide you

You got this babe

If you got offended it’s working

That means you needed this

Take this tough love and go use it for good

I better see some goddamn success stories this month or we gon fight

(Not literally that’s just my humor talking)

Love you bitches

Now go meditate before I appear under your bed tonight and yank yo shit

Love youuuu💗💗💗💗💗

[yaralulu]

Thank you for the tag @sad-scarred-sassy @highlordofkrypton @achaotichuman !! This is so fun!!

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing?

My writing process is very …ungraceful lol. Most of my fics stem from random dialogue that I came up with on like the bathroom floor and I just build a story around that dialogue. Usually I take a few days to kinda plan the fic and to brainstorm the overall scenes in it. Fill in the gaps on what happens before and after the main dialogue, figure out character dynamics and timelines,etc.

Once I have a solid idea of what I want to write, I will procrastinate for like week because I’m annoying 👍.When I finally get a surge of motivation/I force myself to open a new document , I just start writing whenever and wherever I can (I write on my phone because I am the farthest thing from a professional). I’m a relatively slow writer so it takes me either a week to finish something or a month,just depends.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Definitely plotter. I need to have a basic outline of what’s gonna happen before I even consider writing something.

What do you listen to when you are writing?

Nothing! But listening to songs that remind me of the fic i’m working on definitely puts me in the mood to write but I don’t listen whilst I’m writing.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)?

Very rarely am I ever eating/drinking something when I’m writing. Either I’m slumped on my bed or I’m literally in the middle of a public place (professionalism 👍).

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written?

My beloved luzriel fic Want by Proxy. I’m sure you’re all sick of hearing me talk about it but it’s my child. I’m very proud of it! (however my actual fav thing is lowkey all the things i’ve written for lucienweek hehe.)

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

Oh boy. My tamcien angst fic a bridge between us flopped so bad on ao3 but I really love it!! It’s short and yet very angsty and exactly the kind of tamcien stuff that I like to read. Honestly a little scarred by how bad it did LOL but I’ll get over it.

Do you have any advice for new writers?

I’m a baby writer myself and genuinely my number one advice is: Stop comparing yourself to other writers. It’s such a hard cycle to get out of when you’re a new writer but you cannot keep looking at experienced writer’s works and comparing yourself to them. With time and effort, you’ll be just as good but beating yourself up because you’re not as good as them right now will get you nowhere. Just keep writing!! Have fun and write what you wanna read and before you know it you’ll be just as good!!

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

Descriptive writing!! I feel like I’m slowly getting better at writing descriptive settings but still it’s very hard. I just wish I had the ability to string words together so beautifully that you could literally picture what I’m talking about.

Using prose and lyrical language is another thing I aspire to be good at. I really admire people who write absolute poetry in their fics. Like the flow and language they use is just insane and so evocative. Being able to make readers feel the character’s emotions because of the strong language used is definitely something I want to get better at!!

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Azriel!! He really took me by surprise but I really enjoyed writing his personality and stoicism. Writing guarded characters is very fun because even I don’t know what the hell they’re feeling lol. It was definitely a guessing game trying to figure out how he’d react to stuff but I enjoyed crawling inside his head.

Also Eris!! I now understand why so many of my mutuals love writing him because he’s genuinely so.freaking.fun to write. Something about his aesthetic is just so addicting. Like I had a blast picking out what he wore in my fic and describing the clothes and his hair like he’s literally a princess. His aura just makes my brain go brrr. He’s just such a fun character to play around.

Tagging: @the-darkestminds @olenvasynyt @viktoriaashleyyx @sonics-atelier and whoever would like to join in!!

[woblut]

So as I was falling down the stairs case (and let me be honest I think I peaked in that moment) the goddamn shitlings decided to run by.

I wasn't expecting audience, especially not the screaming kind but what can I say, I'm beautiful even when I'm about to die.

But I think I should start with an introduction first. My name is Lyna and this isn't an unusual situation at all. More like one of many fiascos that extend throughout my life. I was about to deliver the cake I've been saving up for myself to my sister upstairs after my caught me with it and well... you can see how that's going.

I've never been a fan of stairs to be honest but that's besides the point (also escalators are worse if I have to be honest), I'm supposed to be writing this to help.. myself. Or at least that's what I've been told as I'm not sure what it's supposed to help with. My terrible luck? My obsession cake? The lady downstairs? They honestly haven't told me. And by they I mean a creepy lady that popped out the trash can of a library (maybe I shouldn't have accepted this notebook after all, it was a rush decision and the bitch disappeared like the fucking wind for some reason probably running from the police or sum). I should stop listening to random people on the street but that's practically my hobby at this point (alongside with destroying my hair it seems). Last week I saw a guy with a burrito in pijamas... both of them... in pijamas... He did make some bomb drinks tho! Maybe I shouldn't have accepted that either... But hey I lived!

Haven't seen the dude since which is kinda a bummer but the story isn't about him. I'm surprised this writing thing hasn't bored me to death but it seems like procrastinating on job applications might be my new hobby as well so I might just continue until I ran out of excuses. Speaking on excuses I've putting the original story for a bit now. Let's go back to the cake. Mmm that delicious beautiful showstopping black forest cake... that's all over my face now.

At least my niece's laughter isn't the only thing that alerted my aunt so I have an excuse now. She won't be telling me I deprived my sister of the cake on purpose. Shame I won't be able to eat it either... or maybe.. if I just try.. naaah.

Maybe my knight in shining armour will come and deliver me another one. Actually dump the knight, I just want my cake back. Maybe I'll write a novel in one sitting if I'll try. The untold stories of the cake that was lost to time. Disregarding of that I need to clean up. Does anyone know how to get get chocolate cream out of that damn little crevice inbetween the wall and the wooden frame of the stairs?? Well of course not. I'm talking to the voices in my head not some damn cleaning master out there to help me at any given moment I wish to summon hit. Although that would extremely useful I might wanna make that first if I ever get witch powers or some shit.

At least my nephew seemed worried about me. The kid is going places. Not like those damn bitches that kept on laughing for a solid hour after that. Never liked them kids anyway. But at least that one might turn out alright... hopefully. I mean other than that everyone keeps saying he's gonna turn into a priest and the kids keep on pulling on his leg he seems to have a good sense of self worth still.. at least it looks so. Yeah the kid's gonna either turn out the wit-est of them all or have a mental breakdown. But this story isn't about him either.

Like I don't really know what I'm doing with my life. I might just pack my shit and go. I'm 21, just lost my 3rd job this month, got a weird journal from a crazy lady, had a near death experience twice in one week, ate a weird waffle and got kicked out of a book club within 29 minutes of being there. I'm thinking of Hawaii, or maybe Himalayas I'm not sure anymore. Whichever one works.

How do people seem to live so still. I don't remember a time I haven't had a borderline life ending experience in longer than a few days. I feel like I'm just walking around randomly then life decides that's enough and starts throwing shit eating monkeys at me. (That actually happened once but I'd rather not get into detail of how I got out cause that's a pretty messy one) Yeah I think just born too pretty and the gods decided "nah we gotta nerf that one". It honestly feels like that sometimes. Might as well just go with it. Make it a whole conspiracy theory on why my life is like this. Red thread and no sleep for a week style.

But I think that's enough for tonight. Probably won't even remember to write here again and already sorry for my future self having to read this shit in five years from now on.

The Chronicles of a Dumb bitch ™ Ch. 1 coming next- uuhh someday..

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[rebloged-content]

Recommended Sanders Sides creators

Marry Christmas, everyone! And a wonderful December day to all of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, too. Let’s be honest right off the bat, though: I’m only using the date as an excuse to do this list anyways.

So. Throughout the time I’ve spent as a part of this wonderful corner of the sanders sides fandom over here on tumblr, I’ve often found a new creator and wished I’d found them sooner. It kind of makes me wonder who else I might miss. If you do to, here are a few creators I’d love for you to check out. You’ll probably recognize some of the names, if not all, but maybe you’ll find a new favorite creator here?

And to the creators in question, I really love your content. If you’ve made it onto this list, you’ve definitely cause one or two sleepless nights of reading for me, because who needs sleep if I can have this, right? XD Whatever you’ll find written next to your name is the impression you’ve left on me and… Well, just know that you’ve made some days of my life at least a little happier, all of you. And I hope to repay the favor by telling you how much I appreciate you releasing your content into this world… Well, repay the favor at least a little, I suppose.

Let’s begin, then, shall we?

@5am-the-foxing-hour Because this? This is who you go to if you want to read good Janus-content. You are in a mood to read sympathetic Janus? Wanna see the danger noodle just casually interact with other sides? Go to their short stories. I mean, “the cult”? Prime example of how to tell a story with impact in just a few words. 8 paragraphs, but boy did I read that one on repeat. Or “water spray bottle”, this one is fun, short and will make you laugh. An energy drink for the fander heart, so to say.

Then there’s their mafia-au, “there’s more in me than precious metals”. Six are out so far, and I adore every single word of every single part of this. Protective Remus, sassy Janus, angst, comedy relief, destruction, Roman-Remus-sibling-rivalry, braincell Logan, survival instinct Virgil, working together over a common enemy… This fic has it all, believe me. Take your time and read it, because you will read the entire thing in one go once you start. At least I did, and I didn’t even notice.

And their advent writings? Those had me squealing and jumping around in a way I will deny if anyone ever sees it. I don’t even know what else to say, they are fucking fantastic and that’s that.

So, yeah. Go check them out, before I start fangirling about them even more. You know my personal favorites now, so just go there. You won’t regret it.

Next up is @coconut-cluster. Ah, yes, Lexi. Lexi, whose uni-AU started as self indulgent and has become the loceit story on tumblr. We all know her, or at least most of us do, and we all love her too. And while I also drop everything I do at any point of time I possibly can once I realize the uni-au has any form of new addition, there are a lot of other fics created by her that you should check out as well.

Did you, for example, ever want a sappy prinxiety one-shot with the sappiness only being implied, a mutual understanding of “we’re-not-saying-we-care-but-we-both-know-we-do” born from joking reassurances and a not-a-date-nope-only-a-break? While that may seem to be a tall order, that is exactly what “before the sun goes down” is. Plus there’s ice cream. Or maybe you’re more of a logince fan? Do you want a fic where Roman isn’t the prince but serves His Highness? Do you like sincere talks while you’re procrastinating showing your face to the subjects you don’t really want to rule over? In that case, you really should read “Viva la Vida”. Careful, though, this one is so sweet you’ll probably get a toothache… There also is an analogical fic that I’ve enjoyed very much: “Cracks in the Ceiling”. I love it, because it’s just calm. Fears creeping up on you, thrown away by a trusted friend with a few words, just by being there and playing into the metaphors you head created this time around. It’s calm, and there’s not really a climax or anything, but it doesn’t need one. Because it’s just a glance into everyday life. It’s beautiful in its own right, really.

What I’m saying is, Lexi has a lot more wonderful stories to tell than the uni-au. It’s the most popular one, sure, and it’s one of her best works. But you really should check out her other fics as well. Lexi herself once said that she writs fics she’d like to read. I would figure it’s because of this, but her stories are mostly things you don’t really find anywhere else. Dynamics, stories, world building, all of those are aspects you may find somewhere else. But Lexi is just one of those people who see what they miss in a fandom and create it themselves, and among these creators Lexi is my favorite. She just has that certain skill that makes that approach to writing result in the most enjoyable reading experiences. Lexi’s fics are special, because they’re different, because they are authentic and you can feel that when you’re reading her work.

@djpurple3 is another talented individual I want to talk about. I have to confess, DJ is, as far as original content goes, almost exclusively locked in my brain with the fiction “I just keep loosing my beat”. 23 Chapters so far, one better than the last. It’s a bitter-sweet story following Remus and his children, after the bitch of a mother has been brought behind bars. Abusive piece of shit. Yeah, I don’t like her much. But the story is so full of love and support, everyone trying their best, everyone seeing how much the others deserve the world and wishing they could give it to them… Roman and Remus have a sibling-dynamic I would die for here, too. Patton is just the most adorable friend to Deceit - here Damion - Virgil is a precious bean, Logan is cute and the teacher we all wish he’d had ourselves and… god, I could keep gushing about this fic forever. I’ll stop now, though, before I’ll start spoiler things. Wouldn’t want to do that, especially since I really, really, really want more people to give this a go. It’s not underrated, I just think everyone who doesn’t is missing out by a lot, so… Go over there and read DJ’s fic right fucking now, if you haven’t already read it at least once. Thank you.

@delimeful​, our wonderful lime-friend with a cute cat making a terrifying face in his header. First of all, there is the WIBAR universe, short for “Watch it burn and rust”. 5 chapters in act one, 4 intermissions (one of those with three chapters), one chapter of act two, as well as three extras and an au of this au called “the end of being alone”, and I’ve lost count of how many nights I spent reading those instead of sleeping like I should. (Or interacting with family. Or being productive. Or… It’s really a good story, okay?!) WIBAR is a deathworlder au. So a space au in which humans are regarded as dangerous deathworlders who can survive on a deathworld like earth. In other words, Virgil is the only human, and boy does that scare everyone around him. And the best part? You can feel the development, the shift in mentality regarding Virgil, feel the moment approach in which he isn’t a threat but a companion instead.

And, apart from the fic that inspired me enough to start writing “TINND!R?” over on my writing blog, there are a lot more amazing fics to read on lime’s blog. He wrote “How easy you are to need”, for example. It’s soft, it pulls at just the right heartstrings, it’s achingly hopeful and, god, the ending still has me in tears, even after the fifth - ? sixth? something among those lines - reread. This one’s a werewolf au, actually. Virgil is the werewolf, Logan, Patton and Roman are the humans.

Do you want yourself some of that pre-AA dynamic? I’d recommend “to taste your beating heart”. In this, Virgil gets separated from the rest of his group of vampire hunters and gets turned into a vampire himself, loosing his memories. And he’s “Anx” now, not “Virgil”, goddamnit! He isn’t their friend anymore, why don’t they understand that? Well, probably because they can still see Virgil’s old habits shining through. There’s a lot of tension, a lot of angst and a whole lot of frustration involved in this.

He also wrote some amazing one-shots. They’re mostly so well written that I’m almost sad not to be waiting on a continuation. There’s “the littlest mermaid”, in which Virgil goes to investigate a noise, finding a scared, tiny mermaid in need of help. In “community gardens” we have Remus being Remus, gaining the interest and friendship of the forest’s giant Logan. “Magical mutualism” tells the tale of a witch and a demon making a pact beneficial to both parties and opening the doors neither could have gone beyond alone. The way we’re all confused about our ships not actually having set sail yet comes to a hight in Virgil in regards to his friends in “amateur matchmakers”. And this is the point at witch I stop talking before I actually recommend every single one of lime’s fics instead of just my favorites as I had planed because I started to gush too much… XD

Let’s move on to @muppenthings​. Mupp is an amazing artist and she created a giant mermaid au. There’s this one orca who’s just… We love her, but I actually don’t think she’s the brightest. I really, really love her, though. Virgil himself is being a little protective over his human friends and casually so. I love this comic series for the art style, but I also love the way it makes me crack a laugh at least once per work. Or appeal to my mother-instincts, if it’s about baby Virgil. Too cute for his own good, I tell ya! And the facial expressions! The detail, the jokes, everything about this is wonderful. You should at least take a look.

@whenisitenoughtrees​. Cat got me with “This cup of yours tastes holy (This lie is dead)”. “A slow voice on a wave of phase” was next, later “Infinity and beyond”, “we are not alone in the dark with out demons” and “changing of the guard”. And then, suddenly, the night was over. I’ve read almost all of the fics in one go, and I’ve been semi-frequently visiting her master post ever since. When “There’s an endless road to rediscover” came out just a little while back, that lead to me re-reading through almost the entire list. I don’t regret it, my plans for that weekend would like to disagree.

These six fics I mentioned here are, by no means, the only ones I enjoyed. Those are just the ones I’ve found myself opening up again and again in sleepless nights. Those are the ones that pop up in my head and have me smiling to myself in the middle of god-knows-whatever-I’ve-been-doing-at-the-time.

Angst, fluff, hurt-comfort, you’ll find everything in that list. And something I’ve grown to like about Cat’s fics even more than anything else is the quick change between feeling perplexed, a startled laugh at certain wordings (you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it) and apprehension. These fics will have you at the edge of you seat, swooping you away on an emotional roller coaster. And, god, the way Cat writes from Remus’ perspective? The introductions of her stories and the way she redirects to the main topic after going into detail on something? I saved a few paragraphs as screenshots on my phone because I love them and I want to read them again when I’m down. I just… Cat’s great.

Next up is @eliemo. Because Elias Virgil is the royalty of Virgil angst. From the touch-starved Virgil we’ve all had a head cannon of at one point in “Heart of Ice”, over ace Virgil panicking over telling his boyfriends that he his ace and didn’t think to tell them before in “Love our way” to so, so much more.

Mostly EV follows the story arc of an underlying feeling of dread at the beginning, which slowly grows into panic, exploding in a storm of angst and concludes in everyone, or at least whoever is around, coming to the rescue and helping to calm down, with the end being the hope for getting better in the future. They always manage to convey the confusion, fear or just the general thought process so well that you can’t help but get absorbed in the story. They know exactly what to say and what to leave between the lines to get the maximum effect. And, your heart will definitely be shattered after their angst. Still, the way the sides comfort each other and support each other so well every time is just… I love their stories, a lot.

I want to make two more suggestions if you want to check out this creator. A Janus angst fic, which can only be described as “ouch” you’ll find under the name “snake bite”. It hurts in the best way possible, because Janus gets the comfort he deserves.

The other suggestion gets a lot darker. It’s about Virgil having been abused by the “others” before he got accepted into the light side. The others are shocked to find out what has gone on behind their backs and they help Virgil in every way they can to recover. Of cause it’s a rocky path, though. This would be “Learned Behavior”. The series/au has twelve stories so far, one of which has two parts. You’ll find the master post for this pinned to the top on their blog.

If you like angst, you should also give @maybedefinitely404​ a look. Ly has a soulmate-au going, in which they use the concept of “you hear the music your soulmate listens to”. "Music in my head” is a prinxiety fic, but the two of them have yet to meet. Four chapters and two mini-fics in. The reason I mentioned angst is because in this - spoiler alert for the first few chapters here - , Virgil gets put through conversion therapy. Luckily Janus and Logan are better foster parents than the ones who did that to him.

They also have a master list for all their soulmate stories, featuring different ships. Apparently they participated in soulmate month, if I understood that correctly. And to be honest, that was how I even found their account. I absolutely adore their anxceit fic, which takes place in a human au. It’s starting off pretty sad, but the bonding moments are absolutely wonderful. It’s a lovely story, and the ending is one of the best ones I’ve yet to read. Their logince fic took my breath away, too. A flower shop/tattoo artist au, and Logan is the tattoo artist. Stunning writing, wonderful world building, just the right amount of backstory to have everything make sense without overwhelming/drowning the reader in unnecessary details. Their moxceit fiction… Well, this one had me in tears within the first few paragraphs. It’s terrible and you feel for Janus, whose perspective this is written from. The ending, though… Gods! The ending was so indescribably cute. To be honest, all of the soulmate stories are great, these three are just my personal favorites.

Concerning their one shots, you’ll probably have to figure it out on your own concerning this. I haven’t been able to read all of them yet, as sad as that makes me. Definitely palling on doing it in the future, though. I did read two of them, though. “Pippity poppity” really was amusing, and I am so looking forward to the second part of “The Boy who sings next door”. The way they write the dynamics between the sides? I live for that.

Another creator I would like to recommend is @maybe-im-tired.They don’t have a master post, as far as I could see, but they only post their content anyways, so… “Can’t take my eyes off of you” is my favorite out of their fics so far. I mean, the way they managed to fit the sheer chaos that is intrulogical into this one short fic is amazing. And you could take about two thirds of what Remus said and put it up on your wall as out-of-contexts-quotes. Don’t worry, he says them out of context anyways, and they will definitely make you laugh. 

The series of short stories for the human au that starts with “Glowing stars” is another au by them that you will almost certainly like. We have Logan and Virgil as kids (about 7 I think), Remus and Patton as single parents, Roman as the most adoring uncle, Emile as babysitter and Remy as his amazing partner. Remus is a great father, wonderfully chaotic as well. And a teacher! Imagine that, Remus as your teacher... He’s great with kids though, as long as they aren’t entitled villains come to make his precious Virgil feel bad, that is.

They also wrote a bunch of “random one shots”. They are all amazing, but my favorite has to be this one. It’s a logince one, once again human au. Patton may or may not tell his big brother’s crush about the feelings he wasn’t prepared to share yet. You know, as small kids do. It’s soft, it will make you smile as much as Logan does, and I love Remus in it. I generally like how they write Remus, okay? I know how much I’ve said it, but I’m not even exaggerating. They always write him differently, and all versions they write him as are so, so lovable and just… I wanna hug the life out of all Remus versions they wrote, okay? Take a look, you’ll know why.

Anyways. Let’s continue with @figurative-siren-song. This is the last account I’ve followed and I’m still sad about it having taken me this long to find them. Little salty, to be honest. (I’ll stick to they/them because they said just not to use she/her, and, well… consistency, you know? Don’t have much, so I have to get what I can XD). When I finally did find them, I went through their entire master list (at least all of the ships with characters I actually know. I’m kinda bad with the shorts characters, so I usually just… avoid them? Idk. Personal preference, I guess), and, well… I would honestly recommend every single fic on that list. They call themself “Repair Fluff King™️” and they deserve that title. But when they warn you that a fic will be angsty, it will be angsty.

I found them through the anxceit fic “A Deal”. Well, through an animatic by their friend on youtube that had linked the fic, but details. I’ve been reading this fic up and down again and again. It’s just so good! And when they talk in the second part and Janus explains why he proposed that deal. Or in the continuation, which i can’t talk about because I will probably spoiler things! So wholesome!

 Also, their losleepxeity fic “We’re worth it”. So soft! The nicknames, the plot, the everything. It’s softer than clouds look, and we all know that means something.

But, really. Everyone will find something for them by this creator. So many ships, all incredibly well written, and soft and fluffy without getting boring in the slightest. It’s as energizing as coffee, actually. And, let’s be honest, this whole fandom drowns itself in angst most of the time. Take a break from that, repair your broken hearts with goof fluffy content that you’ll want to read over and over again. Go check this creator out. You will love them. 

Last but not least… @myfriendsasthesides​ A blog by a creator who just takes the wonderfully chaotic dynamics of a friend group and using that to give us content of incorrect sides quotes. Maybe it doesn’t fit with me going on and on about fics here. I don’t care. Follow them and turn on those notifications, please, because seeing even one post of theirs on your dashboard will make your day. It’s funny, it’s absurd, it’s chaotic, it’s making you jealous of them for having friends like that. Believe me, you will want to see those posts. It’s just… the random shots of serotonin and dopamine out generation needs really fucking desperately 100% of the time. 

That’s it with the list! Eleven creators I absolutely adore, and I’m sorry I was babbling so much all the way through, but… Well, actually I’m not sorry. And actually, half of the reason I even made this post is to tell them how much I love them and fangirl about them a bit. So… Yeah. Well.I love you guys and hope you’ll have a wonderful day! And to everyone else reading this: I hope this helped you ind some new creators you can enjoy. And a good day to you too, of cause.

Sincerely, Joy 🖤

(@joylessnightsky/@sanders-sides-fic)

[shintorikhazumi]

“CABBAGE”

A/N: First, I wanna apologize to the Diakko day mods that reviewed a completely different fic for me that was supposed to be my entry, but then... boom new diakko day entry. I’m sorry ;-;, I just couldn’t figure out a flow that would still have what I had in mind. Uwu, sorry for using up your precious time.

Soulmate, non-magic? AU. Cliche stuff, common trope. STILL. I’m using it. Fun fact, I slaved away for this for two/three days hoho~ peak procrastination, don’t encourage it. Also on ao3, but I have a habit of posting full chaps on tumblr. Teehee. This is... long... (could have been a crazy multi-chap, ey?) but I guess that’s what you get for trying to fit a full story with an AU setting that needs to be established. Sorry if it feels slow with regards to reaching DiAkko, but don’t worry, from when they come along til the end, you’ll have loads of them. Sorry for the pacing tho :((( I also apologize in advance if there are some OOC bits that y’all might not like. Not too confident in it, but hope you all like it. I DID NOT BETA READ THIS ANYMORE BECAUSE I’M TIRED OF THE LENGTH OF IT LMAO. Anywho...

Happy DiAkko day! Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

It was a normal thing, really. She had grown up with a thin chain slung around her neck, attached to another tiny metal thingy resting against the skin of her collarbone. On cold days, she would keep it in her pocket because god knows how weirdly tingly and-or painful that felt on bare skin. Sure she could have chosen to just wear it so that others could see it- actually, wasn’t she going against society’s rules when she hid it? She was, wasn’t she. Heck, it surprised her now that she’s realized it. Why hasn’t she been arrested yet? This is a crime isn’t it? Her mom, her dad, would they get to say their farewells once she got incarcerated-

“I can see it on your face, that you’re thinking about something totally stupid again.”

“Shut up, Sucy.”

“Just saying.” Sucy shrugs, going back to working on their chemistry lab activity. “I mean, I kinda just want you to focus on what we’re doing. Unless you want me to slip in some stuff in your project there.” She grinned in that evil little way the brunette had come to know her for.

“If I know you, which I do, you’ve probably already done that.”

“Akko! I can’t believe you’d accuse me of something like hurting my friends.” Sucy really couldn’t sell the ‘feigning shock’ act as her monotone words did little to convey emotion, and that forced gasp was probably just everyone else’s normal manner of breathing. Which was scary, now that she thought about it. Did that mean Sucy’s normal breathing was even less obvious? Oh god, now that Akko thinks about it, she would sometimes joke in her head about how she often wondered whether or not Sucy was actually dead during sleepovers.

‘I mean, come on! She sleeps like a corpse in a coffin! And she always looks so pale-’

“I knew you were thinking about something stupid again.” Once more, her thoughts were brought to a halt by that lazed, snarky voice that could only belong to her best friend who shared her mutual desire to strangle one another.

“I was just wondering if you were undead or something.”

“Screw you.”

“Wish I’d find someone to do that...” Akko muttered under her breath, to which Sucy sighed. She had heard it, and immediately knew what the Japanese was about to get hung up on. Again. Like she always did.

A hand reaching over to pat her back in consolation, but Akko felt a little worse, feeling that small, hard material lightly tapping the area along with the rest of Sucy’s hand. Sucy chuckled, sympathetically. “I know you’re constantly in a state of heat, Akko-” Or not.

“I am not, you bitch!”

Sucy could stand to ignore that. “-But really. Are you really that obsessed with finding your soulmate? We’re all young and all that jazz that those old hags keep yapping about. You have a lot of time, you know?” She smiled a sincere smile this time, trying her best to comfort her friend. “And besides, even though it’s something written on official print that most people find their soulmates at sixteen, most isn’t all.”

Akko felt a little better. Sucy could be an asshole, but as a best friend, she really knew what to say to Akko sometimes.  

“-That’s basic English that even you can understand.”

She takes it back. She takes some of her heartfelt gratitude back. “I hate you.”

“Aww, I abhor you with all of my non-existent heart as well.” Sucy smirked, swatting Akko’s attacking hand away. “Muah~” She threw in a wink for good measure.

“Ughh, oh gosh... Professor Croix!” Akko bemoaned to their supervising teacher. “Can I please use the emergency shower? And eyewash. I think Miss Manbavaran got her unholy sappiness spilled all over me.”

Croix sighed, rubbing the spot between her eyes with her thumb and index finger. Not this again. “Can’t you two ever pipe down in my class?” She sighed. “PLEASE?!”

“Nope.” -Was the deadpanned response.

“I now see why you guys are friends.” Croix groaned, walking over to their table. “You little shits just won’t give me a break. And yet, you’re so behaved with Chariot.”

“Hey! Sensei, cursing your students is bad!” Akko scolded, before adding, “Besides, this and that are separate matters. Prof Chariot is just sweet and so nice, you can’t bear the weight of guilt of hurting her. Right?” Akko turned to Sucy who just nodded.

“Shut it, Kagari. That is not a valid rea- wait... maybe it is.”

“See?”

Her head was starting to hurt. Just why had she decided to be a teacher in place of any other job involving chemistry? Really, there were so many other things she could have done!

Just as she was about to return the verbal jabs, a gentler voice inserted itself into their conversation. “Umm... guys, professor, the other students are being distracted by your... um... exchange.”

Three pairs of eyes blinked, before two widened in apologetic shock, while the other seemed to gleam in pleasure. “Sorry, Lotte.”

“Sucy, please try to look even the slightest bit sorry.”

And disappointment replaced them right away.

“Tsk.”

“Sucy... we will be having a talk back in our room.” Akko heard that audible gulp, reaching for her friend’s hand under the table, squeezing support.

“Don’t die.” She whispered.

“You too, Akko.”

“Noooo! How? I don’t even live with you two!”

Lotte was about to respond that Akko always stayed over, anyway, but the frantic screams of their teacher took the words far away from her mind.

“Akko! Akko! Your solution is bubbling! Wait, that’s not supposed to do that-” Croix’s concern was justified as in a matter of a split second, everyone in their immediate circle was covered in some bright pink substance. “SHOWER, EMERGENCY SHOWER-”

“W-we won’t all fit, Professor!” Lotte had begun tearing up, wondering if she was about to die from whatever toxic chemical their beloved dunce must have mixed in. Maybe if she prayed to something somewhere out there, the spirits of nature would take hers and maybe she could live as some kind of forest sprite in some alternate magical world, and crap, she was becoming delusional.

“Hoho~ What a nice outcome~.”

“Manbavaran!”

“Relaaaax, I switched out all of Akko’s components for some of my stuff. It was a precaution.” She smiled, unbelievably innocent-looking. “...and maybe added a little surprise.”

“Su.CY!” Akko lunged forward before being stopped mid-air, caught by the collar.

“Akko. Sucy. I’ll see you in the office later.”

“...your office?” They seemed amazingly unfazed. They’d probably been so used to being there that they must see it as a lounge of sorts. But no, Croix wasn’t going to be defeated by teenage rascals that were the cause of her hair prematurely turning white. No.

“Nope.”

“Th-then, Finneran’s?” They weren’t completely scared of the aforementioned teacher. She just gave them such an earful, sometimes they’d joke to Lotte about needing hearing aids at some point.

“No.” Croix’s smile grew despicably wide and dark. “Holbrooke’s.”

Lotte sighed in sympathy. Well, she’d expected this development sooner or later. “I’ll wait for you by the usual bench.”

//-//-//-//-//

A week of suspension. One week off school, no school or class-related updates allowed from classmates, and only check-ins and work drops from teachers. That was... surprisingly light after all the trouble they’d accumulated over the past first month of the semester. Or maybe it was because it was just the start of the school year that the headmistress really wanted as little to go wrong as possible. Preferably nothing would go wrong. Or it could also be the fact that they were in their senior year, and the teachers really wanted all their students to graduate.

But you could never tell with a group as rowdy as the ‘witches’ of Luna Nova International Institute. They were rightly labeled as such with the cursed terrors they had inflicted, every incident they’ d caused all over the school premises and beyond.

If it wasn’t Akko and Sucy, it was Jasminka somehow being able to sneak in and out of the classroom and buy out the entire snack section of the cafeteria, and making it back to class without anyone noticing. With her size, it was some kind of scary magic trick. If it wasn’t that either, then it was Constanze constantly installing who-know’s-what in the schools’ computers. It it wasn’t her, then it was Amanda and Hannah pulling at hairs, or cutting at each other’s necks, then the next thing you know they’re either making out in public, or making out in public... with Barbara. There was also Lotte when she was in her wild states of fangirling after a new Night Fall release. People tended to keep a safe distance from her during those times. (She’d once shaken a girl unconscious out of her sheer excitement at the mention of, ‘Oh, I read the latest release too’.)

Never a dull day with them.

Scarily so.

Holbrooke had smiled at them kindly as always, but there was just a little something else behind it that felt like Akko and Sucy were about to die on the spot.

“Please. I beg of you. Your first two years, we tried to overlook all your mischief as it did not pose any threat to the masses, only towards you and your friend group... well... physical harm or threat, at least. I don’t know how many people are psychologically scarred because of you.” She had said that, but they didn’t know if it was a joke, a serious statement, or both.

After being given twenty blank pages to write their usual apologies on- they shared a laugh, thinking back on when Amanda got fifty-, the pair made their merry way to the bench just by the school gate where Lotte sat, chatting alongside and excited Barbara, a Hannah with a fond smile directed at her life-time partner, and Amanda who was carrying both their bags for them, waving goodbye to Constanze and Jasminka who looked like they were just leaving.

“Aww, didn’t get to catch my little friend.” Akko pouted, wanting to hug Conz as she always did. She was so cute. And soft. Like a plush. Always calming Akko down.

“She’s gonna shoot one of her tiny lazers at you again. Those actually burn.” Amanda reminded, laughing as she remembered what Lotte told her about why they were late. “And I heard you two got some quality time with the big woman upstairs?” Her grin widened. “How many?”

“Twenty.” They responded in synch, hands aching from the memory.

“Heh... not bad. Doesn’t beat my record though.” She cackled, slinging an arm over Hannah’s shoulder, Akko not missing the glint on her left ring finger. How nice.

“Don’t egg them on, idiot.” Hannah sighed, peeling the limb off her. “And you all got nothing on these two.” She pointed a thumb to the still excitedly conversing pair. “They wrote a fucking novel for their apology. Literally. But the teachers were so tired of reading that they weren’t made to write apology notes anymore.”

“Hey! Cleaning the bathrooms aren’t the best either!” Barbara, now done with her talk with Lotte, turned to pinch the ginger’s arm.

“I mean, we all have cleaned them at some point.”

“True, true.” The group nodded in consensus.

“...”

“This is not a very good fact.” Barbara pointed out, and they all laughed, the ones seated slowly getting up, everyone ready to go home.

As they exited the gate, they all waved their goodbyes, Akko and her two best friends heading one way, and Amanda and her girls the other. Just as the sun was setting at that hour in the afternoon, red eyes caught the reflected glimmer of light against the three bands on each girl’s ring finger. Those same eyes traveled to similar hoops donned by the pair walking quietly in front of her, hands brushing by one another.

Really. She was happy all her friends had found their destined ones. Some partners may look to be as mismatched as Sucy and Lotte, and some cases were as rare as the three-way between the snarky British girls and their American idiot, but... the system had worked some magic in perfectly matching people, it seemed. They all seemed happy with who they had.

Akko didn’t know if this was some kind of spiritual occurrence like fate or the likes, or if this was just one ginormous scientific experiment on billions of guinea pigs across the globe, but... Akko wanted in on it too.

Placing a hand over where her heart was, she felt for the metal against her chest, clutching it through her uniform blouse.

Just when would her “soulmate” come?

//-//-//-//-//

Their first stop, as per usual, was the small apartment complex that Lotte and Sucy lived in. When their parents had discovered that these children had found the one meant for them, they were more than willing to help the girls move in together, and get used to a life-long companionship. They trusted them as they were both capable and level-headed, and Akko was so happy that her friends were happy. She always was.

Lotte invited her in. As always. And Akko should’ve accepted like she always did as well, but somehow, today... she just didn’t feel like it. So she made a random excuse, something believable enough, like how her parents had asked her to make dinner because they’d be home late, and the Fin just had to let her go, even if she felt something was off, and that the brunette might just be lying.

There had been a time when Lotte and Sucy had just gotten together that Akko seemed to distance herself from her best friends. They soon found out it was out of her concern that she might be intruding on their relationship, or bothering them, taking away from the time the pair could spend alone together as a couple. Obviously, they had never seen Akko as a nuisance, and were saddened she would think of such things.

With a talk, reassurances, and clarifications in place, their bond as friends became ever stronger, and more trusting.

But Akko still wanted to be considerate. Out of love.

...and maybe a little envy that made her want to distance herself from the sight of people with fulfilled partnerships.

Maybe she was just a sore, lonely loser who couldn’t truly be happy for her friends.

Who knows.

After jogging the rest of the way home, a simple five-minute distance away from the apartments, she reached that familiar wooden gate, the name plate “Kagari” shiny and clean, like her mother liked it. Pushing the swinging portion open, she walked up the driveway, smiling at her share little garden with her Mama. Looks like the vegetables were growing up healthy. Maybe she could try some new dishes out and have her friends give her feedback. The usual agenda.

“I’m home!” She called out in the foyer, shoes slipping off and set neatly to the side. A habit strongly instilled in her since childhood. “Mama?” The scents of vegetables and meat, and was that... cookies! Her mom was baking cookies! “Mama!”

Padding down the hall and entering the open living room, she found her father splayed out, snoring on the couch with a newspaper covering his face. Giggling to herself, she continued her way into the kitchen, spotting the one she’d been looking for, ear buds in and swaying to some music only she could hear. Akko smiled. Her mom was so youthful, she was such a girl. With her bright pink apron and bunny slippers, and impeccable manners and home skills.

“Ma~ma!” She called, hugging her mother’s waist from behind.

The older woman yelped, spatula flying into the air, but with Akko smoothly catching it and licking off some of the sauce on it. She tried not to look into those disproving eyes, and simply released her mother and went to wash the utensil.

“Akko...”

“I said I was home! You didn’t hear me, mama. This is revenge.” She grinned cheekily, her mother sighing before a fond smile played on her lips.

“Fine, fine. But just this once, okay?”

“Hai~” Akko gave a mock salute, enjoying this moment with her mother as the her co-brunette rolled her eyes fondly. Akko walked up to her, kissed her cheek, and attempted to “appease” her mother by offering her exemplary culinary services- or so her dad had once claimed. “Let me help you out?”

Unable to keep up the annoyed act longer, her mother slipped into giggles, turning to gather her daughter into her arms and pepper kisses all over her hair. “Thank you, baby. Please chop me up some of the veggies in the bag by the sink.”

“Roger!”

And they shared another laugh at the voice coming from the other room, screaming a sleepy, “WHO’S ROGER?! ANOTHER BOY-”

The usual always felt so good.

//-//-//-//-//

Dinner had been fairly uneventful. Her cousin- the relation fairly distant- who currently lived with them wasn’t home still, just like always. She knew he was always busy at school, and with the little business her father had him manage, so that was a normal thing as well. She had ended up just confessing to her parents what she’d done in school this time, in hopes that her being honest instead of them finding out via a phone call from school first would ease the inevitable punishment awaiting her.

It... kind of helped. Kind of.

Her father had laughed so hard, clearly amused at her and Sucy’s antics. Her mother sighed deeply, not knowing if she should even still be disappointed anymore. Akko and school accidents and incidents weren’t uncommon at all, after all. It wasn’t a surprise. Really, the biggest school-related surprise they’d gotten was the fact that Akko wanted to take a science-related course instead of an arts one. They knew it had always been her dream to be a performer. So why was she taking that when Luna Nova offered the Arts as well. It was something they would forever wonder about.

Akko was usually so open and honest with them in just about everything, but this was one thing she would never clear up with them. And they could never understand why. There was definitely a deep reason behind it. But why did she have the need to keep it to herself? They worried, but they also believed in her, that she would tell them if she needed to. She was that kind of child.

They hoped.

Kissing her parents good night, She walked away from the kitchen banter of who should wash the dishes between the two adults, and trudged up the wooden stairs to her room. Akko had offered, but they said she should just rest up. She looked like she had a long day. Besides, she had a week to help out at home. Akko shivered at the thought of being worked like a mule. That was a joke of course, but her mama could be so Spartan sometimes.

Her door clicked close, and she immediately found herself face-first in the soft covers of the lower bunk of her bed, lights of the room still down. Originally, the Kagari’s had been expecting twins because of how large Akko’s mother’s stomach had been. Apparently, they were simply blessed with a very healthy baby. (She was a fair bit taller than her mother, and had a good height for a Japanese woman). As Akko grew up, however, she insisted to keep the bunk as it seemed like it could be useful to turn into her own little fort. Plus, sleepovers wouldn’t be much of a problem in terms of space.

Flipping onto her back, she stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars pasted onto the top of her ceiling. It was fairly high up, with this side of the house being designed a little differently, the roof of Akko’s room forming a dome. This was at her request as a child after attending one of Professor Chariot’s public lectures on stars as a child. Akko had since then been hooked to them, the fading glow of the stickers allowing her sights of the constellations she’d painstakingly formed, sticking each point one by one with the help of her dad and a ladder.

She had been saving up lately to buy one of those small, portable planetarium projectors. She didn’t want to outright ask her parents for one, and she had taken a few secret part-time jobs to make up for the amount she needed. Little by little, she was getting close to her goal. She’d have one someday. One day.

Her eyes felt heavy all of a sudden, an arm moving to rest over them as her breathing slowed, thoughts drifting to stars and constellations, and myths, and tales, and fate, and...

Her world shut down.

//-//-//-//-//

“Atsuko. Atsuko, get up. Akko. Wake up, bloody hell, you sleep like a log!”

“Mmrrnghmm... eh?” Blinking her eyes open, she spotted a young man, brown hair just like hers, dressed in a cardigan and slacks, looking ready to go out on some date, or the like, or maybe he had more business as usual. “Andrew.”

“Akko.” He responded dryly. “It’s eight in the morning. I know it’s the weekend, but really, sleeping in isn’t a good habit.”

Rolling over to shield her eyes from the intrusive sunlight and man, she waved him away sloppily, ready to get back to rest, body feeling heavy for some reason.

“Akko!”

“You really do take my mom’s place when she isn’t around, Andrew.” Akko complained, sitting up, if only to get Andrew to pipe down. “Alright, I get it.” She rubbed the sleep away from her eyes, stretching her body out and taking in a breath of fresh air. “But if you’re here, I’m figuring my parents are out?”

She received a nod, followed by an explanation. “They said they had a picnic date planned for the whole day.”

Akko pouted. “Aww, and they didn’t think to take me along? How mean~”

“They tried to wake you up, believe me.” Andrew scoffed. “You could sleep through world war two without problem, however.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Get out, please.”

“Later.”

“I’m asking nicely.” Akko whined, slipping out of her bed, realizing she hadn’t changed out of her uniform last night.

“After I tell you about our plans for today.”

A well-shaped brow raised in suspicion at the words. “Our plans?” Akko voiced. “What do you mean. ‘our plans��? I don’t have any plans of spending time with you today, as far as my knowledge tells me.”

“Not that you have mu-” Andrew was about to throw in the usual insulting jab, playful banter, but refrained. He did actually need Akko to go with him.

“Hmm?” The lack of a biting response didn’t sit quite well with Akko. Something was up with her cousin, and she was sure that she was about to find out just what.

There was an awkward pause in the air before the older boy cleared his throat; maybe he should begin with getting on her good side. “L-lovely weather we’re having today.”

“Just tell me what you want from me and leave.”

“We’re going to the mall, please help me.”

“Why?”

“...”

“Why?” Akko pressed. If Andrew wasn’t going to give her a good enough explanation, she wasn’t going to move a single inch.

“...It’s Denise’s birthday soon.” He confessed, and Akko actually backed off.

“Oh.” She immediately understood what Andrew wanted without him having to expound on his earlier statement. Really, he could be such an adorable dork sometimes, especially when it came to Denise.

Denise was Andrew’s set partner. She was a kind person, gentle, lady-like, intelligent, mild-mannered, but strong-willed. She was great. Too good for Andrew, Akko would tease at times. But really, they made such a good match. She liked Denise; she was sweet to Akko, exchanged treats with her, as well as tutored her from time to time, being in the same school and all. She also kept Andrew busy and out of Akko’s hair, so she was perfect! So if not for Andrew’s sake, Akko should at least do something nice for her friend.

“Give me half an hour. I’ll be ready by then.”

Andrew breathed a sigh of relief, offering Akko a grateful smile. “Thank you. I’ll see myself out then.”

“Finally!”

With a childish sticking of the tongue out at each other, a habitual thing they had formed, Andrew had closed the door to Akko’s bedroom, not forgetting to lock it behind him for privacy’s sake. Akko was thankful.

Instead of getting up, however, and preparing for the day with Andrew out of the room, Akko lay back down on the soft mattress, eyes trained to the top of the room again. As she saw her little clusters of stars and constellations, red ribbons connecting points one to the other, always to be linked even if they were far apart, never to be broken, her regular intrusive thoughts had begun making their way to the forefront of her mind again.

Fated people... soulmates, huh. Weren’t those terms just glorified ways of saying everyone was in some kind of arranged marriage they could never get out of? Wouldn’t there be at least one person averse to all this? Maybe? But why... did all the people she’s known, who’ve met their match-why did they all seem content?

Feeling for that familiar metal piece under her clothing, she pulled it out by the chain, observing it as it glinted against the morning light. Her finger traced over the engraving on the outside, admiring the workmanship, but frowning at the words.

She thought back on it all. How all this destined person stuff all started out, as the history books told them. Before the records of History ever existed, they said that the leaders of the ancient world had gathered together, seeing the ‘sorrow of the world’, and came to a decision of what to to do to make the world better in that regard. They decided that ‘LOVE’ was the answer, as cheesy as it sounded. And so a system was put into place that would overcome barriers and seas, both literal and figurative, of difference, and bring to mankind the meaning of true joy- Akko always found it incredibly sappy and cringey when it was laid out like that.

Like any system, there were the finer details that made it all work one way or the other. It is said that people are born issued with a ring to be worn on their person on all times. It was a mystery as well, how one could never seem to outgrow the ring. Like it was made to grow alongside you. It was made out of metal, however, and it made things all the more perplexing. Who knows what magic goes on behind all of this? No one knows who makes the rings, or who created this system; nor does anyone know who assigns partners to each other. All they’ve known are the facts that the rings were created, containing words that served to be a hint to who your soulmate is supposedly. When you meet that person, you’d just know. The words, they’d just make sense. It didn’t matter if it never did all your life. One day, everything would just click, apparently. That was how the words were chosen, they said. Then these rings would be distributed to countries and the government would be responsible in ensuring that they got to their rightful owners.

Honestly, this whole thing sounded like some deep cult-ish shit, and Akko was quite shocked that she- along with possibly millions, or billions- had never questioned it before. After all, it was the usual; as always, the norm. It could be something of a mysterious world movement that no one knew of, but with it simply claiming to have the goal of ‘bringing happiness to all citizens’, people hardly seemed to mind where it took them.

Akko remembered the first time she ever found it weird. She was in the fourth grade, and that day, they had learned the importance of the words on the rings. ‘Hints to finding your one, true love, their teacher had claimed, trying to rouse excitement from the students at the prospect of soulmates.

And while every other little girl squealed in joy and giddiness upon reading the words written on their rings, Akko had a look of distaste on her face at the sight of her words, immediately hiding the item from possibly prying eyes of her classmates who had already began to compare words with others.

She hated it. She had then ran home to tell her mother about it.

“Mooommm! Mom!”

“Akko? What’s wrong? You’re all sweaty and you still have your outdoor boots on-”

“Why does my word suck so much?”

“Huh?” The woman was lost for words, confounded by a simple question.

“Why does it suck so much? My word!  I mean...” Holding her ring out for her Mama to see, Akko continued on her rant. “What the heck does cabbage even mean?! IS HE A FARMER?! DOES MY SOULMATE LIKE CABBAGE THAT MUCH?!”

“Ah... well...”

“Why couldn’t it be something cool like yours and dads. ‘Eyes like rubies’, and ‘Rider from the north’ just sounds so badass and romantic! And then there’s me with CABBAGE.  Sure, the ring is pretty and all, but... WHAT IS CABBAGE?!”

“I... don’t know, sweetheart.”

Akko had felt so frustrated with her word, that she wanted to cry. “My soulmate sucks!”

Thinking back on those times, she sure was such a child. It wasn’t her soulmate’s fault that the government or whatever authority or higher power decided to describe him or her that way. If anything, her partner is a victim of slander. Even Sucy had it better with the description. Akko chuckled mirthlessly. What are those people thinking. Ah, her head was starting to hurt from overthinking all this.

“’Bring happiness to all citizens’, my ass. With a hint as weird and cryptic as this, how am I supposed to be ‘happy’ like everyone else?” Akko sighed once more, unclasping the chain from behind her neck, and taking her ring off, hanging it over her eyes, watching it dangle in the air, the elegant cursive of ‘cabbage’ pissing her off a little more than it should.

Along with the ring came a handbook of sorts. Akko’s sat atop her bedside drawer. In it were more rules, guidelines, and information to be taken note of, but they could only be read at certain ages, sections sealed off by some kind of technology that only unlocked come one’s birthday. An example of a rule was related to how to wear the ring. It didn’t seem to be a heavily imposed rule as Akko had done away with it all her life. It was that rings should be worn on your right ring finger so long as you hadn’t found your assigned partner, moving it to your left once you have. Akko had been ashamed of her word and had always carried it around her neck, hidden underneath her clothes. Her mother had scolded her for it in the past, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to get teased by the other children for having such a strange hint. She had believed that it would give her a hard time.

And it still did. With it being so vague and odd, there was no way this hint made much sense to her, at all. Would she ever find the person her whole being was linked to for a lifetime?

Besides the rules came soulmate-related explanation for the rings and words. An instance of this would be that the meaning behind the words would only be revealed to them once they entered fourth grade. She never understood the significance of that. Why couldn’t one just read through everything and understand it all at once? Well, not that it mattered. She would soon be turning eighteen, and opening a section that made her feel just the slightest bit bitter.

[What to do if you haven’t found your soulmate yet.]

Sucy may have told her that each person had their own time, and that she was still young, and had plenty of years to go searching. But when everyone else around you had already found theirs by the “normal” designated time, you’d start to feel quite isolated and lonely, right? She was already different from the rest with the weird-ass word she was stuck with, and now she wasn’t even close to being on the right track to finding the person it was pointing to.

It was frustrating.

Three knocks and a voice followed suit. “Akko? Are you ready? It’s been about twenty-five minutes, but I didn’t hear any noise coming from your room. Are you actually okay?”

Right. Andrew.

“I’m fine! Sorry, I got lost in thought. Be right out! Maybe in fifteen! My bad, really.”

“It’s fine, I’m the one requesting a favor, after all!” Andrew responded through the wood, and Akko felt his presence leave her immediate area.

Hopping off her bed and grabbing her towel, she made her way to the bathroom. Maybe a cold shower would help her stop thinking about all of this for a few. She really should stop questioning the whole system of practically the whole world. It wasn’t good for her sanity.

Turning on the shower and soaking herself, her assumption of her endangered mental health was confirmed.

“AH, I FORGOT TO STRIP!”

//-//-//-//-//

“You sure took your sweet time getting ready.” Andrew commented, locking the door behind them and tossing the keys into his pocket as they got to walking. Opening the gate for Akko with a bow, they shared a laugh, going on their merry way down the street.

As often as they got on one another’s nerves, they undeniably enjoyed each other’s company. It was nice. Akko liked it to an extent. The conversation was fun, the exchanges never dull, it was time spent well. What she didn’t like about hanging around with Andrew were all the stares and glares she got from people around. Much like now.

It would’ve been great if it ended with just observation, but there was always that one brave (or maybe stupid) soul who would come up to the pair to ask if they were an item. The brunette pair would then proceed to do their usual schtick of jumping a meter away from each other, and pretending to gag whilst glaring.

“NO WAY. WITH HER/HIM?!”

And despite the denial, instead of feeling joy at the availability of Andrew- Akko assumed it was him that people always wanted to confirm about anyway- there was no delight, only some form of fear. The creeped-out kind maybe?

Continuing their walk, Akko slapped Andrew’s shoulder, hard. The boy looked like he could bite her.

“Ugh... it’s already such a pain in school when we have joint functions and people mistake us for a couple. I was hoping it was obvious we were related.”

Andrew scoffed at the statement. “I’m sorry, but I’m actually quite pleased I don’t look to be related to your ugly face.”

He deserved the stronger smack, Akko would say.

“AKKO! That hurt!”

“You know what else hurts? The fact that people can’t seem to get it in their heads that not every guy and girl walking next to each other are partners. Damn, and I used to think it was a good thing that I could use you to get out of awkward confession situations.” Sometimes people did that, despite the entire ‘destined partner’ situation. “Weird times.”

“You actually get confessed to? Hahaha, why? Guys must need glasses.”

The tall lad flinched at the held up fist. “I’m kidding. You’re actually growing up to be quite pretty Akko.”

Eyes wide one second, then smiling sweetly the next, a chill ran up Andrew’s spine at Akko’s reaction... that suddenly morphed into disgust, a hand pinching his side. “Ew, I kinda liked you better when you weren’t so gross and cheesy.”

“Ah- h-hurts, that, Akko, that stings, ouch! Let go! I was trying to be nice!” Andrew retaliated with his own pinch to Akko’s slightly rounded cheeks. “Let go!”

“You lwet gfho!” They released their holds at the same time, rubbing the sore spots on their bodies. “Why were you suddenly being all weird?”

“...ate...etter...man...”

“What was that?” Akko couldn’t understand any of Andrew’s incoherent mumbling.

“...My soulmate told me I should really try to be a better gentleman... to you...”

“Haha, she’s right about that! You’re such a dick!”

“Oi!”

Before Andrew could physically get back at her, Akko made a dash to the mall entrance across the street right as the street light turned green for pedestrians. “Loser has to buy the other ice-cream!”

“That’s cheating!”

“Maybe!”

//-//-//-//-//

“See? You’re all out of energy now because of how rowdy you were earlier today.” Andrew scolded, hands on his hips, a paper bag with the chosen gift in it, slung around one wrist.

“Y’think so? This is usually... hah... nothing... to me.” Akko panted, plopping down on one metal chair by the ice-cream bar. “Weird.”

Andrew sighed, deciding to cater to Akko’s needs since she was nice enough to help him out today. “I’ll get you a water. What flavor of ice-cream would you like?”

“Matcha-Vanilla~” Akko drawled, now slumped against the table, liking the cool surface against her somehow, heated cheek. “Go forth, my peasant!”

“Noted, your eminence.”

“Mm, mm!” Akko nodded in approval, arms going under her head to cushion it. Her eyes were getting heavy. Did all that walking around really make her that tired? Her head was starting to hurt, and her body still felt heavy. Just what-

//-//-//-//-//

“Akko. Akko! Atsuko!”

‘...Andrew?’

“Tsk. Should I call an ambulance?”

‘Andrew...’

“Excuse me, are you in need of any assistance for your friend? My family owns a hospital nearby and we could take her there.”

Akko felt Andrew’s hand supporting her suddenly tense. “Geh- Cavendish...”

“My, Sir Hanbridge. Date?”

“Cousin.”

“Hmm...”

Oh? Someone... A lady? What a nice voice. Somehow it was comforting to Akko. It felt warm, it felt kind, it felt gentle. For a voice to feel something rather than sound like something, Akko must really be out of it.

Hands.

Careful, tender.

“A-An... wha-”

“Akko! Don’t talk. Just rest.”

“Akko, huh. Is that her name? Miss Akko?”

“mmrm?”

“You’ll be alright.”

That voice. Akko wanted to believe it. Who...

Soft. Soft. Akko was leaning against something soft.

“You’’ll be alright.” Was said again.

“Akko, you’ll be alright.” Ah, Andrew. But somehow, Akko would rather hear those words from the other person currently holding her in her arms. She felt bad. Not just in the sick kind of way. What was she supposed to do again? Oh right, she was helping Andrew. Where was she? Was she causing trouble? Ah, what if she was bothering this sweet-smelling, comfortable-feeling, gentle-sounding lady.

‘Hey... you...’ Hmm, her voice wasn’t quite working like it should. Maybe she should try to express herself again. Clearing her terribly scratchy and dry throat, she managed to croak out a single word.

“So...rry...”

“It’s alright.”

//-//-//-//-//

White ceiling, the absence of sticker-stars. Dim lighting, the low thrum of the air conditioner unit, and the occasional sound of something dripping. The scent of antiseptic.

Her right hand felt uncomfortable, like something was stuck in it. She lifted it up, seeing a slim tube running out of some secure, clear tape.

“You’re in the hospital, idiot.”

“Never a quiet moment with you, Andrew.”

A sigh. “I was worried.”

“...Mm. I’m sorry...”

“You didn’t tell me you were feeling unwell.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Couldn’t tell.”

“Akko!”

“Say, Andrew. Who was with you earlier?”

“Don’t change the subject, Akko- huh?” Reprimanding words died on the boy’s lips as the question sunk in. “Ahhh.” Recollections of earlier events came in. “The daughter of the owner of this place.” He threw in a few other details he thought Akko would want to know. “High-class lady. This place does too.” He decided to humor her queries, knowing she didn’t want to argue with Andrew anymore. He didn’t either, not when she was like this. A time and place for everything.

“Hmm...” Akko hummed, sitting upright and looking out the window. Andrew panicked, stepping forward, but Akko shooed her cousin away. “She sounded nice.” Akko commented. “Was she pretty?” Somehow her mind wanted to know. Her heart was clenching in some unknown need to know more about a voice she barely registered, a touch she fleetingly felt.

“You could say that. I guess to most, she’d be considered gorgeous?” Andrew mused. “Weird hair though.” Was added as an afterthought.

“Heh...”

“Curious?” He didn’t say it in a teasing town, only genuinely inquisitive at Akko’s not-so-subtle expression of interest in someone she barely even met.

“No? Not really.” She responded, everything becoming still. “Can I go home?”

“Once your tests come in.”

“How long have I been here?”

“Overnight.”

“Mama and dad?”

“Dropped by while you were asleep. Uncle was sobbing buckets, but Auntie dragged him out because they both had work. They paid off the bill and said they’ll see you when we all get home.”

Akko sighed, dropping back against her pillows. “I can’t believe I’ve caused so much trouble in a span of, what, three days?” Covering her face with one of the pillows, she screamed lightly into it, the muffled sound concerning Andrew. “I have to apologize a lot to them. Have to make it up to them... I even had them spend a lot of money on -ow! Andrew!”

Retracting the hand he used to chop her head, Andrew huffed. “Stop that. Your parents love you, you’re not a bother. Shut it. If you really want to make it up to them, get some rest right now as we wait, and get better soon. I suggest you make some dinner if you’re well enough.” He knew she often had insecurities, and tried her best not to bother people so much. He’d observed it from her relationship with her two best friends. She really was just a ball of energy that she couldn’t help but cause scenes, though. People hardly minded, anyway. If only she realized.

“Duly noted.”

Andrew nodded, walking over to the bed and sitting at the edge, whipping his head about to glare at the  owner of the leg that had just attempted to kick him off.

“You’re making the foam awkwardly sink. It’s uncomfortable. You’re inconveniencing the patient’s recovery.” Akko grinned, trying to get rid of the stuffy atmosphere that had settled by stirring up another banter session.

“Could you settle down for once?”

“I mean, I could.”

“Unbelievable.” He chuckled. “Fine, fine, I’ll give you your space. I’m going to the store. Want anything?” He offered, since the ice-cream he initially was supposed to treat her to as thanks was long since forgone on some cemented floor, probably already cleaned up by the workers of the shop.

“Orange juice.”

“Coffee? Understood.”

“Ass.”

“The good ass genes run in our family.”

“Oh my gosh, you did not just say that.” Akko guffawed, waving her hands, eyes sparkling with pride at the crude joke of her prim and proper, perfect-gentleman cousin.

“I did not just say that.” Andrew smirked. “Now rest before your fever comes back from all that tension you release. Good thing you’re off school for a while.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I’ll be back in fifteen.”

“Hai~”

“Don’t disappear.”

“...”

“AKKO!”

“I won’t, I won’t!” She giggled, dropping the tease. “Now scram!”

“I swear to god...”

And with that, she was alone again.

Great. More time alone with her thoughts. And what better way to occupy that blank space that was her mind then to fill it with all her doubts, insecurities, and questionings.

One particular question stood out at that moment.

“Who... was the owner of that voice...” Along with that single question came a wave of interconnected ones that Akko could not understand. Why was there this sudden desire to just... know.

What did she look like? How tall was she? Was she fair-skinned? Tanned? Long hair? Short hair? Curled or not? How old was she? Were they the same age? Was she an older lady? Was she maybe in the same grade? From the haze that was her memories, it seemed Andrew knew her? An acquaintance? Why couldn’t he give Akko more details besides insulting that woman’s hair? Where was she from? She had an accent. British? Scottish? Did she live around these parts? Why...

Why was Akko so curious?

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Andrew, you know you can just, like... come in, right? You know I can’t even get up to open the door for yoouuu...huuu...” With the door swinging open to reveal the person on the otherside, Akko could only hope that she did not appear to be the stupid-looking gay dance she most probably was. “-...huuu...who...?”

‘Beautiful.’

“I apologize for the intrusion, but I just wanted to check on you. Oh, you may not even know me, I’m sorry. I should probably introduce myself, isn’t that right? Oh blood hell, Andrew, telling me to check on someone I barely know because you want to go off somewhere...” Akko heard her mutter that last bit under her breath before watching this gorgeous lady seemingly recover her senses. “-Ah, apologies, um... sorry! Wow, I suppose I’m saying that too much, aren’t I? We didn’t exactly ‘meet’ earlier, but... I don’t know, I was probably meddling in issues not concerning me, but... I couldn’t help but want to help you out. It was an automatic reaction as someone who has wanted to be a healthcare professional all my life, and I was so used to it, and then it just so happened to be Andrew and... well, you and- and I-” Fair skin, lithe, fairly tall frame, a melodic voice, gorgeous blue eyes hidden by long lashes and ...strange hair, due to an immediate bow upon spotting the confused gaze of the patient; this person was...

“You’re rambling, miss.”

Said Miss bristled, expression flustered and eyes darting about in her embarrassment. “S-sorry.”

Akko panicked at the saddened apology. She just made a pretty girl sad! “N-no! I-” Their eyes met and then it was one of the most magical and equally painful moments of Akko’s life, she concluded. “Hi.”

“Hello.” The girl nodded back in acknowledgement.

“Akko.” She blurted out. Then just like that she witnessed a world wonder contained in such a small room, in just one girl. There was just something in the way her eyes lit up that pleased Akko very much. It was as though she was the catalyst for such a breath-taking phenomena. Blue stars, passionately burning, brightly so, like her favorite celestial bodies. “...Rigel...” She murmured.

“Huh?”

“Oh? Huh? Eh, um...” Arms flapping about, she tried to graps control of the conversation, not knowing where it was going anymore. “Uh, my... name! My name is Akko! Ahaha, sorry ‘bout that.” --She scratched the back of her head sheepishly with the hand not attached to the IV tube.

“Miss Akko... Rigel?” She tilted her head, and by gods that was the cutest thing Akko had ever seen in her life. But Wait-

“Oh! No, nono... no hahaha.” She laughed, waving her hands in front of her, realizing that what she said had been mistaken as her name.

“I... My name is Kagari Atsuko, but you can call me Akko.” She clumsily reintroduced herself.

“And Rigel...?”

‘Is a blue star that is put to shame when in comparison to your ethereal ocean eyes-’

“Oh, it’s just... just a star I like, hahaha...ha..ha.” She needed to save this dying interaction, fast. She didn’t want this goddess of a lady to walk away just yet. Who was she? Why was Akko panicking so badly? Why was her heart running miles per second? Where did these confusing feelings stirring from her chest come from? Could this just be... Was this girl... Was she... could she be who Akko thought she was? She didn’t even know her name yet, but the way she made her feel, it was like some universal, natural phenomena that could only make sense in the context of... that. Who was she? Who was she? Who-

“Diana.”

Diana, apparently.

“Diana.” She tested, the name unfamiliar, but incredibly welcome and sliding off her tongue so naturally, and with ease. Like she was meant to know such a name all her life. “Nice to meet you.”

She patted herself on the back for a good greeting, with good manners, even happier when she received a soft smile in return.

“The pleasure is all mine.”

“No, no, the pleasure is mine, I mean... pleasure, I’m... feels good to meet you, I mean, because you saved me and all, from what I can understand, so pleasure, good feels- no- what am i saying?! I’m sorry, Diana, er miss? Diana? Miss Diana?”

“Diana is fine.”

Diana was indeed SO fine.

“Th-thank you for being so beautiful.”

“What?”

“Tha-thanks for saving me, I mean, helping Andrew out in saving me, but that means you saved me too, so I just thought I should properly thank you and all that and express gratitude because that’s the right thing to do, amiright? And of course I’m right so thank you, Diana, thanks for everything, and the hospital and the room and all, oh but you don’t own it, but your family does, so does that mean you own it-”

“Akko.”

“Yes?!”

“You’re rambling, Akko.”

Akko was a burning hot mess of foolishness, but if it prompted such heavenly giggles from such an angel- no a goddess, alongside her name that sounded divine coming from soft pink lips- that she was absolutely not staring at- then she hardly minded at all.

And then there was silence.

“So...”

“So...”

Diana awkwardly shuffled on her spot, the tip of her shoe tapping against the floor impatiently, hand fiddling with a button on her shirt. It took so much willpower for Akko not to direct her eyes there.

“I guess I’ll get going.”

“A-already?”

“Eh?”

“Eh?”

“Ah... I mean... if you have... stuff to do, I guess... I... shouldn’t be stopping you or anything of the sort, right?”

Akko didn’t like that frown, however miniscule it was, on Diana’s face.

“I... I’m a little busy, I apologize.” She spoke softly. Akko’s heart clenched, and she cursed her insensitive ways. “But... I can come back tomorrow? If you’d like?” -And it leaped up in joy just as quick. More time! More Diana! More getting to know her!

“Y-Yes! Of course! I’ll wait here for you! Pinky swear! I- woah...” The world was suddenly spinning, and Akko had to lean back for a moment, vision swimming in color.

“Akko!”

Said girl was beginning to get addicted to the feeling of Diana’s presence by her side. That was not necessarily a good or bad thing. She couldn’t get attached to her, not when she knew nothing about her. She couldn’t... be acknowledging these feelings blossoming out of nowhere without confirmation of whether or not this person was meant to be hers, and she was meant to be with as well. But she was addicting, Diana. A strong drug. Just one whiff and she was high on her existence.

“Geez, you should be resting. I’m sorry for bothering you, and keeping you up this long.”

Akko heard none of those words. Akko was curious. So Akko just had to check. Hands weakly grasping Diana’s cooler ones, fingers roamed, feeling around until they touched even colder metal... on Diana’s... left... hand.

“Akko?” The concern was palpable in her voice, Akko’s senses blurring the world out as her hands dropped to her side.

Frustrating.

She somehow hoped what she’d been experiencing these past few minutes were the signs of her finding her soulmate, but it seemed as though she may have been wrong. Maybe it was simply infatuation, or a shameless lust overtaking her in her weakened state.

It shouldn’t be this frustrating.

It shouldn’t be this painful.

She shouldn’t have been so impatient and jumped to subconscious conclusions.

Diana had already found her soulmate. Just like everyone else.

Everyone but Akko.

//-//-//-//-//

When she came to, it was dark. She felt much better than she had yesterday, and earlier on today. Turning to her right, she saw Andrew seated on a chair, back facing her as he was conversing with someone.

“I wonder what got into that girl? Her new friend seemed worried.” That voice...

‘Mama.’

“You mean Diana?”

Akko flinched at the name.

“Is that her name? My, she was so cute. If you weren’t already matched to someone, Andrew, I think you’d look good together.” Akko felt a twinge in her chest, only slightly soothed by the sound of Andrew choking on something, his drink maybe. Tea? Coffee?

“I’d rather not be involved with her like that.” Andrew responded after composing himself.

“Eehh-”

Akko couldn’t listen any longer. The pain of everything was just starting to come back. She just wanted to get away. Away from this place that kept reminding her of her chance encounter. She just wanted to go home. She just wanted to hug her mama.

“Ma...ma...” Her voice warbled. “Mama...” She tried, louder. Somehow her voice was so weak, the thought of it not being able to reach the person she trusted the most in the world, hurt. “Ma... ma... mama! Mamaaa...” Slowly, she regained her voice, cracked and unsteady. And finally she was heard. “Mama!”

“Akko!” Before Akko could even blink again, the woman was at her side, a hand brushing bangs away to clear her warm forehead, a refreshing kiss planted there. “Akko, my baby.”

“M-mama... Mamaaa...” She moaned out, engulfing the woman in her tight hold, sinking into a familiar scent. “Mama...”

“Yes, Yes. I’m here. I’m here, Akko.” She cooed, hands combing through chocoloate-colored tresses.

“Mama.”

“Yes?”

“I wanna go home.”

“Eh? But you aren’t okay yet-”

“Please. Let me go home...”

She felt her mother pull back. She couldn’t face the eyes seeking hers. “Akko? What’s wrong, sweetheart? You’re not feeling well, and yet you want to go home before you get better. Is something the matter?” Akko couldn’t lie to those.

But she could try.

“I just think I’ll be able to rest better at home. My... my fever isn’t that bad.”

“But you were just crying out for me...”

“I was just... feeling lonely. Please, Mama. Let’s go home.” She couldn’t say it was because she didn’t want to meet a certain lady, weird blonde hair and enchanting blue stars never leaving her memory. “Please...” Because more than the pain inflicted by her sickness, she couldn’t stand the squeezing of her heart, its labored pounding more burdensome than the throbbing in her head. “Please, mama.”

“Akko...”

“Don’t be such a selfish brat.”Andrew scolded, eyes burning into the Akko’s skin. “Didn’t you just say you didn’t want to cause anyone trouble?”

Akko deflated in her mother’s embrace, and the elder boy sighed. He really hated seriously hurting Akko, especially emotionally. “But... We can leave first thing in the morning tomorrow, if you prove to be alright.” He turned the other way, hiding his expression from the girl. “So just get better.”

“Andrew...”

“Get better soon.”

//-//-//-//-//

It was against institutional rules to be running about in the building at any given time. Crowded or cleared, the halls were not made for such dangerous sport. Workers constantly made their way through these corridors; some pushing wide carts carrying planned food and beverage for every patient in the hospital; some nurses walked along with important, and sometimes painstakingly prepared medicine and treatments for patients that Diana threatened to compromise should she bump into them. In other areas she could risk bumping into one of the sanitary maintenance people, infectious waste at the risk of being spilled all over.

And Diana grew aware of all these things, surrounded by them from a tender age. Yet at this moment, she was in complete disregard for them, her footsteps rushed and padding softly against a marbled floor. Her eyes scanned every plaque above each door she passed, counting off the numbers, and reading the letters, her trip on autopilot.

One more corner, just the end of that corner. If she rounded that, then walked past three more rooms- She was feeling a regretful that she couldn’t come by earlier, the colors of the afternoon sky telling her just how close she was cutting it to the end of visiting hours. Curse all the school-transfer procedures she had to sit through. They didn’t need to take that long, did they? But she had made a promise of sorts. She had promised her new... friend, Akko that she’d come by and see her. She must not keep her waiting. She didn’t quite understand what it was that made her so happy about the prospect that the other girl actually wanted to see her- Diana assumed as such with how she was acting yesterday. Really... it was amazing.

Diana herself couldn’t deny that she saw something different in Akko, a substance far beyond what others could offer her that suddenly shifted the usual motions of her world upon meeting this girl. All her life, so many people came along trying to woo her, claiming that she was the one defined by their flimsy phrases that never moved her heart. ‘Beautiful lass’, ‘doctor’s daughter’, titles among other things. She had even found out a few faked rings that had been promptly reported to authorities for the grave sin committed. Thus, Diana could trust no words written on silly little rings; only the one written on her own, worn about her left ring finger.

She hadn’t found her soulmate, no. And maybe this was against the universal rules of whatever matchmaking system had engulfed society, but Diana did not want to be caught in a trap of a forever she could not escape unless she was absolutely sure that this was it. Maybe it would be unfair to her soulmate; maybe it would throw them off; maybe they wouldn’t realize right away; but if there was one thing Diana believed in that was rooted in this entire system, it was that if you met the one meant for you, you would know.

Her mother told her so. And Diana trusted her mother’s words above all other words.

One more door, one more plaque. Diana readied a hand to knock against closed-...open? The door was... open. Did Akko have visiting doctors? They sometimes left doors open for quick checks to save time during rounds. But no, that did not seem to be the case. She was surprised to see one of the cleaning personnel of the hospital folding up the sheets of the bed, passing it to his companion before they changed the covers.

Approaching an elderly male of the pair currently clearing the room out of any trash possibly left behind, Diana respectfully inquired, “Um sir? Where is the occupant of this room?”.

“Hmm? Ah! Young Miss, what are you doing here? Oh, were you perhaps the friend of the little girl staying here recently?”

“You... could say that.” Diana muttered, unsure.

“Oh, then she must have just forgotten to tell, you ey? Already left, y’see. The little miss, along with her mother and some fine lookin’ gentleman. Do you think that could be ‘er soulmate? Ah~ young, concerned love.”

Diana tasted an inexplicable bitterness in her mouth, heart squeezing. “Y-young man?”

“Mm-mm! Handsome fella, looked kinda familiar, but maybe I’m just getting it on in years.”

That... couldn’t be, right? While Diana wasn’t one to be guided purely by feeling, priding in her rationality, she just knew that that couldn’t be. After all... Akko was the only one she’d ever felt this strongly for in the lifetime she’s lived so far. She’d swear on her family’s motto of ‘affection’ that she’d only offer her fullest romances to the one the universe had destined for her, corny as that may sound.

She just knew it. She just knew it was Akko.

So who-

Andrew.

She suddenly chuckled. Of course. Who else could that young chap accompanying Akko be? He was the one who came with Diana to the hospital, he was the one who had told her go take that first visit. So of course, logically, without a doubt, the man that Akko should have been with was Andrew. Of course.

And there was nothing to worry about, soulmate-wise. Diana knew Andrew already had someone. She’d met up with them constantly at banquets. There was no obstacle, no other person for Akko. Right?

Akko... Akko who wasn’t here. In this room. Gloom encompassed her heart as she stared at the room dimming bit-by-bit as the staff turned off the lights. They told her that they should get leaving, and Diana nodded, informing them she’d just do one last look over the room for any possible missed items, then she’d lock the room herself, to which the workers reluctantly agreed, unable to go against the owner’s daughter. Well, she was known to be a good kid, so nothing should be wrong with that.

Diana, now left alone, remained stood by the doorway that served as the only light source to the room for a few more seconds. It wasn’t like constantly looking into it would magically make the one she was seeking appear, huh? With a deep exhale, she closed the door behind her, frown tugging at the edges of her mouth.

“You said you’d wait for me.”

//-//-//-//-//

Scritch. Scratch. A line, then two. A squiggle, a letter. A bubble from brew-

...huh?

“Aren’t you supposed to be helping me with my homework?” Akko frowns at her companion currently mixing questionable substances on her floor-table in her room. “That is why you’re here, right?”

“Course not. What fun would that be?”

“Should’ve known better than to invite you over.” Akko muttered under her breath, getting back to the unending pile of chemistry homework she was sure Croix assigned to them out of spite. “And how did you finish this all, anyway?”

“I’m smart like that.”

“You’re mean like that. Why can’t you help me out at least?”

“I believe that learning for yourself is the best teacher.” Sucy replied, emotionless as always.

“No you don’t.”

“True.”

“Hah...” Akko gave up. Forget getting help from Sucy. That wasn’t a possible feat, now that she thought about it clearly. The girl was just bored out of her mind so she easily agreed to come over. Akko was sure of it. Without Lotte in the house, and on their fifth and final schoolday away, Sucy- who had slowly gotten used to the concept of companionship- must have just wanted someone around, regardless of whether there was flowing conversation or not.

“Akko?” Andrew’s voice came from behind the door. Finally! A distraction! Wait, wasn’t Akko avoiding Andrew lately? Why was she avoiding him lately? “Akko?”

“Come in!”

“...huh? You’re actually letting me in?” The muffled voice asked, door now ajar. “Hey Akko, so... about what I’ve been telling you all week...” He began, looking nervous, and Akko had to wonder why. “So my friend, Diana, she-”

Ah. Right.

That’s why.

Quick on her feet, Akko gunned for the door, pushing it forcefully, and locking Andrew out, the boy’s yells the only things making it through the barrier.

“Akko! Akko! OH, COME ON! We’ve been at this the whole week!”

“And I told you this whole week, I don’t wanna hear it!!!” Akko hollered back.

“But WHY?!” Andrew’s exasperation oozed out of his voice. “Just give me a reason! Give her a reason! From what I’ve heard, you seemed to have hit it off pretty well?”

“Says who?” Akko asked.

“Diana!” Andrew didn’t like yelling, but Akko was being so hard-headed after he mentioned his blonde acquaintance. “Just what happened between you two?”

“Nothing! Nothing happened!!!”

“Then why does she keep bugging me about you, and why are you avoiding her like the plague?!”

...Why was Akko avoiding Diana? Was there any reason to? They’d met just the other day, had the most awkward conversation in her life to date, and then Akko felt something. Something she shouldn’t have, and let her hopes up, only to drop them lower than where they already were; and none of that was Diana’s fault. If anything, Diana could have proven to be another great friend she’d make along the way in life, y’know?

Akko didn’t know. She didn’t know what was going on; within herself, within her mind and her heart, in that one moment frozen in time between her and Diana, in a silent hospital room.

“I don’t know, Andrew. I don’t.”

Sucy’s potion stopped brewing.

//-//-//-//-//

“MY MADLADS! I MISSED YOU UGLY FACES!”

“Ugh, Amanda.”

“Oi!”

Akko grinned, messing up Amanda’s fiery mane in comfort from being rejected by Sucy. “Missed you too, Amanda.” A high-five rang out through the school lobby, the two energetic troublemakers missing that burning feeling on their palms.

“But man, you guys sure missed a lot. Who knew a week without y’all could turn the school upside-down.” Amanda whistled, their small group of eight finally assembling complete as Jasminka and Constanze walked up.

The small girl gave Akko this look that she completely understood, giving the girl a big thumbs up, and receiving a smile and nod. Jasna held out a lollipop which Akko gratefully accepted, and they all made their way to the corridors.

Suddenly registering what Amanda said a few moments ago, Akko’s interest was piqued. “What did you mean by turning the school upside-down?” She wondered just how much a school could change for her who was out for a week.

“Oh, well, maybe I was exaggerating a tiny bit.” Amanda chuckled, scratching her cheek. “Just that, some new girl came along and now everyone is all head over heels for her somehow.” Amanda fake-cried, sniffling up some. “She even stole my babes! Along with all my popularity!!!”

That earned her two smacks to the head from two certain British girls. “We already told you, she was our childhood friend! Of course we’re inclined to keep her company and show her around!” They defended, scoffing. “Besides, you didn’t mind ogling her at all the other day, huh? You should feel grateful we let you in our dorm the other day.”

“B-babies...”

“Oof. You brought that on yourself, hot stuff.” Sucy grinned, wickedly. “But now I’m curious. If she could even catch Amanda’s eyes then...”

“Total hottie.” Jasminka commented through a mouthful of chips. “Everyone can vouch for that.”

“Woah, even Jas...” Akko laughed lightly. “Alrighty, let’s meet this new kid in town then! Where is she and what’s her name?” Just as they were about to pass the headmistress’ office and head for their homeroom, a hand tugged at the brunette’s collar, along with Sucy’s.

“Wait a second, you two. You’re supposed to report to Professor Holbrooke first, right?” Lotte, ever the dutiful friend, reminded.

“Ah dang, right.” Akko scratched her cheek, throwing Sucy a beckoning glance. “Guess it’s better to just get it over with.” She shrugged.

“Whatever.”

“See you all in class!” Akko waved goodbye, smiling as Lotte left a peck on her pale friend’s cheek, enjoying her rarely flustered state. Her heart warmed when Lotte gave her one two, patting the blonde’s hair fondly. “Thanks, Lotte.”

“Anytime.”

With their friends out of sight, they faced the suddenly intimidating doors.

“Now or never.”

//-//-//-//-//

“I’m glad we got excuse slips for being tardy to class. I do not want more yelling. Though I guess Prof Chariot wouldn’t do that, huh.”

“What did you say? I think I’ve gone deaf.” Sucy complained, rubbing her pained ears. “Finneran yaps like a bitch.”

“OI! Don’t let her hear you say that!”

“Don’t worry, I’m not up for more ‘counseling and healthy reminders’.” Sucy mockingly mimicked the strict teacher. “Christ, that woman must be senile.”

“Shhh, we’re almost at the classroom.” Akko hushed her bestfriend, door coming into view. She could hear a Professor Chariots distinct voice posing a question to the class, and there was a quiet that Akko knew was due to no one knowing the answer, not very uncommon.

But then there was one. A voice very uncommon, but somehow familiar, attracting, pulling her in. With her curiosity getting the better of her, Akko slid the door open, planning to softly sneak into class, forgetting that the room’s backdoor had a tendency to-

SCRREEEEECCHHHH

...that.

“H-hi? S-sorry we’re late?” Akko tried, dozens of eyes now resting on them, most surprised. But one pair stood out the most. ‘She looks good in our uniform.’ Akko’s jaw hung slack, a fight or flight response hesitantly building up within her. Her legs tensed, ready to bolt or stay rooted depending on the next move the one she was staring at made. “...Rigel...”

“...Akko.”

Then a hand reached out, and she was gone. Like the wind.

//-//-//-//-//

It had been a difficult week. Amanda was definitely right when she said things had been turned upside-down. Akko felt like she was too. So Hannah and Barbara’s childhood, hottie, transfer student, best friend just so happened to be Diana. Diana, Akko met her in the hospital and became enraptured with, Diana.

This posed a problem, along with unbearable tension within their group. Akko would always want to run away, and Diana would always seek after her. After awhile, the blonde grew weary, and just distanced herself, her childhood bestfriends obviously sticking by her side. Amanda had girlfriends to attend to. And Constanze and Jas usually followed Amanda. So now, it was just Sucy, Lotte, and little ol’ Akko. Like old times.

“Akko, just why are you avoiding Miss Cavendish? How do you know her?” Lotte asked on their way home. “Please? Tell us? I can’t stand to not spend time with the other girls anymore just because you two are at unknown odds. You’re a kind person, Akko. And Miss Cavendish is as well, from how I’ve gotten to know her lately.”

“Lotte, you... you wouldn’t get it.” Akko sighed. She was tired of entertaining Diana-related questions. All the ‘why don’t you two get along’ interrogations wearing her down thin: with Andrew at home, and Hannah and Barbara indirectly hounding her in school at every chance they’d get, trying to fish out for an answer that Diana couldn’t give to them herself, apparently. Not that Akko blamed her. She must just be as confused as everyone else with regards to Akko’s averse reactions.

“M-maybe I could try?” Akko missed the shift in the Fin’s tone, irritation over the week threatening to make her lose self-control and lash out. But no, she couldn’t do that. Not too sweet Lotte. She still had her senses intact.

“No, I’m sure you wouldn’t.” She firmly stated through gritted teeth, not looking at Lotte as she replied, so unlike her.

“I-I-”

“Akko, Lotte just wants to understand you.” Sucy stepped in, feeling that change in the air that she didn’t quite fancy. “Why can’t you just tell us? I know I may not act like it a lot, but aren’t we your best friends?” Akko held back a hiss behind pearly whites. She didn’t want to be a bad person. She had to be considerate of people’s feelings. Like always. Everyone was just curious. They were all just confused... but then Sucy had to just say, “Don’t you trust us?”

And Akko couldn’t hear that.

“I trust you! I do!” She whipped her head about, pointing a finger to them one-by one. “But you guys, you wouldn’t get it because you have your soulmate by your side constantly, okay?!”

“Akko...” Lotte’s eyes widened.

“I... I’ve been waiting a lot, and I know you said I’m being impatient. It doesn’t have to be now.” Akko huffed. “But do you know how it feels to look at all of you, all happy with someone who can love you completely? Understand you completely? I don’t have that! Not yet! And sure, somewhere down the future road, I might.... and it’s stupid of me, but I’m a lot more jealous and selfish than I look, okay? Everyone has nice words, and has met the person those words described perfectly, at the designated time, normally, as the book says.”

“Akko, the book doesn’t completely control everything-”

“And here I am, always subconsciously looking around, because maybe my person is out there too, y’know? But how the heck do I know?” A hand reached for the chain on her neck, ripping it out of her shirt so hard, it broke, the ring flying onto the ground. “Stupid! Stupid chain! Stupid Ring! Stupid words! Akko marched the few steps to the item, bending and snatching it off the ground, hand going in too hard, too fast that she scraped her knuckles badly in the process, the area quickly leaking red. “Sh- damn it, stupid- gaahhh!”

“A-Akko.”

Lotte stepped back, retracting the hand that had been reaching out for the heated Japanese girl, stomping at the ground. This... wasn’t an Akko she knew. How many years of pent up frustration was going into this session?

“You guys,” Her eyes were scary, sharp and menacing. Sucy jumped in front of Lotte at the sight of Akko’s bloodied knuckles coming their way at eye-level. But then it stopped. “You haven’t seen it, right? My words.”

They couldn’t even react.

“Cabbage.” Akko spat. “Goddamn cabbage. How am I supposed to know what that fucking means. How are you guys supposed to understand when... I can’t either... these words... myself... why I’m so impatient... what I’m feeling... Why... I thought it could’ve been Diana, but...”

“...but what, Akko?” Lotte hated how scared she sounded, seeing Akko flinch, knowing her friend noticed her fear. She knew how afraid of hurting her friends Akko was. This was all just a shock. That’s all. “What’s... what’s with Diana, Akko? Diana and you?” She posed the earlier question for the last time. Was Akko hinting at what she thought it was?

“She wears it on her left.”

//-//-//-//-//

Orange juice didn’t taste as good when you drank it alone on the stairwell leading to the roof. It would have been better had she been able to stand under the cloudy mid-day sun, the refreshing breeze taking her mind off things. But then it just had to rain, hard, and that ruined all her plans of clearing her mind via the healing powers of nature. Maybe she shouldn’t have told Sucy and Lotte to stay away and give her space. Having no one to talk to really sucked. More so than the strange word on her stupid government-issued ring.

“Ahhh, should I just go and apologize to everyone?” She muttered, squeezing the juicebox she thought she’d emptied, but did not know had bits of liquid left. The purely concentrated citrus then spilled onto her exposed, skinned knuckles, making her hiss in pain. “Tsk, stupid. Grrr!”

“Ah-!”

“Ah?” The yelp caught her attention. She was alone in this place, right? “Hello?”

No response.

“Anyone there?” The only ones replying to her were the winds that howled behind the metal door that led to open roof. Those sounds were starting to sound like how she’d imagined ghosts would in the dead of night. “Helloooo~”

Still nothing.

“Maybe it was just my imagination?”

“STAY AWAY!”

Okay, that was NOT her imagination. That was a girl. Looking around for some kind of weapon, Akko readied herself to beat up whatever girl-harassing creep she’d find once she rounded the bend in the stairwell. Holding up a sturdy wooden broom, she tiptoed down, steps making no sound.

On three, she’d jump and smack the living shit out of whoever was there. One... two...

“Akko, please save me!”

And she slipped and fell in her surprise; her back was going to hurt like hell over the next few days. Alas! She must stay vigil! Save whoever this damsel in distress was- Diana... It was Diana. Diana Cavendish, as she’d learned the girl’s name, and a few other trivial details about her, over the course of their time not together. (Akko also denies any and all claims that state that she spent a lofty amount of time observing the taller girl. She didn’t know things like how she was Scottish, or how she loved horses and anything that looked like a unicorn, and that she was intelligent, and smelled like vanilla and mint.)

“I’ll save you?” She managed in her ruffled state. Before she could process anything more, the girl had clung to her, both now laying on the floor; one in an utter state of bewilderment, and the other... dealing with whatever it was she got going on before Akko had found her. “Umm... Diana?” She tried, forgetting her phobia of the girl over the past few days, and rubbing her back gently to gain her attention. She was shaking like the leaves outside in the storm. Just what had happened. “Diana? What’s wrong? What am I saving you from?”

There were no signs of any bad guys, as far as Akko could see. She was grateful for that. She wasn’t sure she could defend them in this position.

“Miss Cavendish? Heir to a billion-dollar hospital? What’s up?” She was trying to be nonchalant in an attempt to possibly calm the girl, and it worked somewhat, allowing her to see that beautiful face, tear-stained and all. “H-Hi.” How lame.

“Akko... the... there... it...”

“Hmm?” She lent an open ear, looking around, still not seeing any signs of danger. Then a well-manicured finger came up and pointed to one of the panels of the hallway’s windows. Akko squinted, not seeing anything. Had Diana seen some kind of floating ghost outside? Or was she seeing it inside, and Akko didn’t have the sixth sense for it? Did Diana have some kind of sixth sense? “What exactly...”

“B...”

“Buh..?”

“Bee.” She squeaked.

Akko gawked.

“Bee.”

“B-bee.”

“Bee?”

“Bee!”

“B-”

“Akko, please just get it away! I’m scared!”

“Y-yes, ma’am!” She scrambled to her feet, but not without gently seating Diana up, even if it was on the dirty corridor floor. Opening the window and grimacing as strong winds blew droplets of water into her face, Akko shooed the poor insect into nature’s claws of death. “Sorry, buddy. Princess doesn’t seem to like you.” Blowing it a kiss, she shut the window, wiping her face on the sleeve of her jacket.

Now... to face a larger problem... or not face it. Maybe Akko should get running again.

She should.

“Well, this was nice and all that, but I guess I should get- ouch!” Diana had caught her hand in alarm, accidentally pressing against her open, yet-to-heal wounds.

“M-my apologies!”

“It’s f-fine. It’s okay, please let... let go.” Akko didn’t like the way her heartrate spiked in Diana’s presence. It grew even more erratic, wildly jumping every which way in her chest as her hand was held more gently, blue eyes scrutinizing the reddened skin, the heiress didn’t seem to have any plans of releasing her. “Diana?”

“May I... May I treat you? That blue sparkle was redirected from her knuckles to her own dark reds. They were so hopeful and compelling that Akko, despite thinking that avoiding Diana would kill whatever held-back, buds of feelings she hoped to dash, just couldn’t help but consent, cursing the way her chest lightened, heart soaring.

She was absolutely doomed.

//-//-//-//-//

It was a quiet affair.

Torturous. No one said a word. To be fair, they’ve only had two somewhat proper conversations so far, so not knowing how to break the ice shouldn’t be that odd.

But it was, and Akko couldn’t take it. Diana had just finished cleaning Akko’s wounds under the sink in the infirmary, and was now dabbing them gently with antiseptic. She was so careful, touches feather-like soft. Akko barely felt anything, much less pain. So maybe she could start with talking about that. Maybe.

“You... You’re hands are real nice.”

“H-huh?”And down fell the cottonball she’d been holding.

“I-I mean... you’re really good at this. Tender and all that. You’d... make a good doctor.” Akko commented off the top of her head, running out of things to say, as she always did when faced with one Diana Cavendish. “A pretty doctor. Patients would... probably feel healed just from your... face. Or something.” Smooth, Akko. Smooth. Could Diana, like... at least help her out a little by responding? “Please say something.” Akko begged in a whisper.

“O-oh, I... thank you, Akko. Thank you for the compliment. I...” Momentarily lifting her eyes and meeting Akko’s gaze, the blonde averted hers, a thin touch of red spreading up to her ears, not unnoticed by the injured Japanese. “I appreciate your words.”

Akko hummed, not trusting her mouth to communicate properly anymore.

“I think you’re... face is a healing balm as well.”

Akko felt herself blush as well, head tilting up so she could face the ceiling. It was one of the most brainless compliments she’d ever heard in her life, and she knew she just said something along those lines as well. And yet it made her heart flutter like nothing else had before.

“Don’t mention it and... thanks.”

//-//-//-//-//

You never know when an event becomes a catalyst for reality to undergo great changes. Their little bandaging session had returned the next day. Akko was quite clumsy with these types of things. Each time she’d gotten hurt in an accident, she’d always ask Lotte to do it... but today... all their friends, and even the classmates they’d unintentionally dragged into their awkward little world, were staring in awe as Kagari Atsuko stood in front of Diana Cavendish’s desk, inviting her out to the infirmary.

“I-I’m just having her help me with my bandages! Don’t get the wrong idea!” Akko yelled as she guided Diana out, unknowingly holding her hand all the while. No one commented on it. Not even Barbara and Lotte who were exchanging curious little smiles. Something was changing. And it was a good change.

Reaching the infirmary, Akko headed straight for the sink, rinsing her knuckles under clean water while Diana gathered what she needed. Once done, they met by some chairs placed about the room and took a seat, the blonde girl looking over Akko’s hand.

“Come tomorrow, you might not need to bandage it anymore. Just apply some ointment. I think the nurse can recommend something.” Diana stated, looking up to smile at Akko who flushed at the attention.

“O-okay. I got it.”

“Great.” She then got to work, applying what needed to applied, and wrapping the clean white bandage after. Diana did this in her usual silence, focused. Sort of. There was one thing that had been nagging her for quite some time now, ever since she got to take a better look at Akko, now that they attended the same school. It was a  unnerving, however. It hadn’t been long at all since they... ‘got along’, and Diana didn’t want to present something that might cause them to drift apart again. But it was eating at her, the need to know about it. It would determine how she’d interact with Akko from now on. It would show her what kind of relationship she was allowed to pursue. She needed a confirmation. She braced herself. Trying shouldn’t hurt. She could change the subject after testing the waters.

“Akko.”

“Hmm?” Was the casual-sounding hum.

‘She’s calm. Calmer around me.’ That little detail made Diana happy. So happy. This was progress. “May I ask a question?”

There was a pause, and Diana considered backing out. It appeared as though Akko was thinking about it deeply. Before Diana could take it back, Akko responded, “Sure. Ask away.”, and the heiress breathed a relieved sigh. “What did you wanna know?”

“Well, um... I just happened to notice that... you don’t...” Diana was really hoping this wasn’t a sensitive subject. She’d finally managed to close the gap between her and Akko. Sure it was by unconventional, and very strange means- unintentional, above all. She had just been worried about the girl upon seeing that her friend group was all gathered in the classroom except her. So Diana had gone searching, and was planning to offer to stay away from her friends for Akko’s sake. She was glad that things turned out the way it did, though.

“Diana?”

“Um... Akko.” She finished her job, smiling at the neat covering on her.. friend’s... hand. (They were friends now, right? At the very least...)

“Yes?” Akko seemed to notice the hesitation, and her instincts guided her to take hold of Diana’s trembling hands, encouraging her to continue.

Well this was new, Diana thought. Now or never, she supposes. A deep breath, and the floodgates opened.

“I just wondered... why... don’t you have a ring? Did you somehow lose it? Is that possible? But how? Wouldn’t you get in trouble with... everyone, I guess? Have you found your soulmate or not? If yes then I should probably just say goodbye here and, oh but not in the way you think, you might not get what I mean, but I still want to be friends-”

“Diana.”

“Yes?”

Akko’s cheeks puffed up, trying to hold it in, but ultimately failing as she burst into giggles, instinctively tucking a stray strand of hair behind Diana’s ear as she leaned forward to bump their foreheads together.

Ah, screw fate and it’s ways. Screw Diana’s soulmate that existed somewhere out there. In this one moment, she just felt so at peace, and in place, she’d deal with all the raging storms in her mind later. For now, it was just the two of them, hanging out in an infirmary, the smell of antiseptic on them, stupid words be damned.

“You’re rambling.”

//-//-//-//-//

It had been a few weeks- maybe just shy of two months- of friendship (?) with Diana, and Akko had never felt more alive in all her years. They had even spent her birthday together! Well, everyone else was there to, but... Anyway. The afternoon the question had been dropped, she had ended up explaining to the Scot her story with the ring, leaving out the detail of what it had written on it. That was a little too embarrassing for her to share yet. Baby steps.

She’d never dare ask about Diana’s ring, and she appreciated that the girl never brought up any soulmate talk that involved herself. Akko felt that it helped her cope with this one-sided love a little longer. She would no longer deny this attraction. She was so undeniably into Diana, it was crazy. She didn’t understand how teenage hormones and falling in love worked, but somehow she just knew. She felt a little apologetic to her soulmate, no longer feeling the need to search for him and her, the section of, [What to do if you haven’t found your soulmate yet.] remaining untouched. But well... things happen sometimes.

And sometimes, you become so much of a fool that you invite the girl you are in love with, who already has a soulmate, to your house, to your room, just so she can be the first to see that portable planetarium projector you were finally able to get your hands on for an affordable deal. You wouldn’t even cry at losing months worth of saved allowance and work wages. It was all worth it, to see her entire being practically glowing in awestruck wonder as you lay on your backs on the cushioned floor, having the chance to flaunt years of star study to your crush. The impressed gazed directed at you felt so good. You could get used to this. Especially when the visage of wonder glimmering in the dear girl’s eyes was outright precious.

A Diana in awe was cute.

So much so that Akko was in awe.

“Hey Diana...”

“Hmm?”

“Do you believe in magic?”

What a strange thing to ask in that moment. That’s what Diana thought. Akko thought the same. Just what had gotten over her. Yet she still wondered, thoughts flying far off into space, just as they always did when she gazed upon the stars in the night sky- or her ceiling’s artificial one.

‘What are you saying, Akko?” Diana chuckled, right hand reaching out to grasp Akko’s, fingers lacing together. She felt her heart flip as it was squeezed tight, unaware of the inner turmoil Akko was enduring at the lack of presence of a ring on that hand. Their eyes remained trained to the glowing heavenly bodies above, stories of the past, of fate, and the like, written all over.

“Do you believe in other worlds, Diana?”

“Well, many studies propose that they indeed exist.” Diana responded.

“What about alternate universes? A completely different you out there, living a different life.”

Diana turned her head to face Akko, the brunette still facing upwards, eyes glistening with unshed tears, barely noticeable in the dim lighting; but Diana always noticed. Because it was Akko.

“Don’t you think that somewhere out there... there could be another version of us; maybe a clumsy me, and a fantastic you, saving the world with strange words not understood by the rest of the world?”

“Maybe...” Diana breathed out in a whisper, oxygen effectively stolen by the tear that slipped down shapely cheeks. The moment felt so fragile, she was afraid if she made a move, it would shatter into a million pieces, never to see the light of day.

And god forbid it happen. Diana wanted to boast this tender feeling out under the brightness of the sun, for the world to witness.

“Why do you ask?”

She listened in agony at the choked intake of air, followed by the frailest of whispers. “Because maybe... the impossible for the Kagari Atsuko here... is possible for the Akko there.”

The heiress pondered those phrases a moment. “...Impossible, like?” Diana replied in equally hushed tones, something hopeful in her pitch.

‘Like you being meant for me, and I for you.’

But Akko couldn’t just say that.

“As impossible as using magic here, maybe?” Akko laughed in a normal, in-house voice, volume not too loud, but no longer a whisper. She should just bury her illegal thoughts deep down.

“I guess so.” She deflated. What had she desired to hear anyway? “Magic does seem like an unattainable power, some unimaginable, impossible concept.” Maybe she should get ready to leave soon. There was something heavy weighing in the atmosphere and in her heart, and she did not wish for a memory as sweet as this to turn sour due to her mood.

“You think so?” Akko’s steadying voice kept her rooted in place. “What if it isn’t so impossible after all?”

“How so?”

“Well, don’t they say that when people put their minds to it, when they truly desire and wish for it with all their hearts... like how the song goes, y’know? ‘When you wish upon a star your dreams come true’, or something.”

“Like the law of attraction and manifestation?” Diana supplied. “If you think positive things, positive things will come to you. Your reality becomes better. Like that?”

“Hmmm...” Akko tapped against the back of Diana’s hand, still entwined with hers, with her index thoughtfully. “Yes, but no. Kinda, but not really...? I don’t know how to describe what I’m thinking at the moment based on existing principles. Not too good at remembering. Heck, is there a quote that already exists?”

“Why not make your own, then?” Diana proposed.

“Heh... good idea. Let me think.”

“Take your time.” Diana enjoyed the little sounds Akko made as she thought.

“Oh! I got it!”

“Hoh? And what would those words of wisdom be, Miss Kagari?”

“Ready the papers, Miss Cavendish. We’re about to make the headlines with this!” They both giggled at their antics. “Drum roll, please! Dugudugudugudugudugu....dan!”

Diana nuzzled into Akko’s shoulder, enjoying all these little sound effects, the brunette’s voice calming her gradually, lulling her to sleep.

“Just what are these magnificent words, dear Akko?” Diana was far too drowsy to notice the splash of color painted across her companions face, the shyness melting into tenderness as she felt her warmth shift closer.

“A believing heart is your magic.”

And sleep was nearly robbed of her, eyes widening in the dark, unseen by Akko as the thumb on Diana’s free hand now brushed over the engravings on her ring. It was for sure now.

“You really are... the one.”

//-//-//-//-//

Something was off about Diana today. Was it her hair? No, impeccably styled as always, that couldn’t be it. Was it her makeup for today? No, it wasn’t that either. It was still that natural looking glow that brought out her innate beauty in all the best ways possible.  Akko continued to check off boxes on her mental list, trying to figure out just what it was that was bothering her about Diana’s appearance today. Was it her clothes? But that was the uniform they wore daily! Did she... get any new jewelry? Hmm, she didn’t seem the type to wear any at school.

Then...

Was it the ring that painfully reminded Akko that the person she might be in love with was already meant for someone else? No, that couldn’t be it either. Last Akko checked, the ring was snugly fitted, definitely on... huh? The ring was... gone? No? Akko scanned Diana’s smooth looking left hand. No it wasn’t there. Not on the left, and her eyes couldn’t help but guide her hopeful soul to... ah. It really wasn’t on the left, but on the right.

Huh? That wasn’t right.

This confused Akko. Enough to make her approach Diana’s seat during lunch, tapping her attention away from her conversation with Lotte and Barbara.

“H-hey Diana, I have a question... “

“Yes?” Said girl gave Akko her full attention. There was something different about the way she smiled at Akko today as well, it seemed. Odd. Nice. But odd.

“So like... uh... W-Why is your... your ri-” Akko could feel droplets of sweat forming on her brow, threatening to trickled down the side of her face if she so much as twitched.

“Ri?”

“Why’s your ri- r....r-r- Right ear larger than your left?!”

Dainty hands shot up to cover her ears, blushing shocked and mortified. “WHAT?!”

Whoops, Akko messed up. “HAHA AHA.. KIDDING! Nah, I was messing with you!” The brunette forcibly laughed, patting Diana’s back in uneasy comfort.

“Akko, that wasn’t very nice.” Lotte scolded, and the said girl nodded, sighing.

“I know. Sorry guys.” She apologized properly, looking to Diana in particular. She received a gracious smile and a pat on the cheek, the skin underneath the ringed-hand warming speedily.

“It’s alright.”

That kindness allowed her to gather bits of courage to finally state her inquiry. Diana would answer her just fine, right? Akko had to when asked about the whereabouts of her ring. It was fair trade?

“I was just wondering, because I recalled you wearing your ring on your left hand until recently. But now it’s on your right. I guess you could say I was just curious?”

“Eh?”

“Is that so, Diana?” Hannah questioned, eyes wide. “But why would you move it in reverse? Now that you’ve actually found- mrrrpmmphhh.”

Akko shot a puzzled glance at Hannah and Barbara, the latter clasping a hand over the ginger’s mouth.

“N-nothing. You didn’t hear anything.” She covered. “You heard nothing, are we clear?” She threatened, and Akko actually shivered.

“Holy crap, your women can get so scary, Amanda.” She mentioned to the redhead seated in front of the other girls.

She heard her release a heavy sigh before getting up from her seat and turning to face the group. “It’s because you two are such a pain, that’s why. Just get it over with, Cavendish! What’s holding you back? It’s as simple as this, see? When you have a dense mofo like Akko, you just gotta give her a little push. A literal one.” And that was the only warning they got before Diana felt soft, slightly chapped lips barely missing her own, brushing against the corner of her mouth.

Akko removed herself so fast, they all worried she’d get whiplash. “S-s-s-s-s-sorry! Sorry Diana, I didn’t- it was... AMANDA!”

“I was helping.”

“You little...”

“Rather than giving me your attention, shouldn’t you talk it over with miss salad head over there?”

Akko blinked, the cogs in her mind slowly spinning, then clicked. “Did you just... insult... ah, screw you!” Akko yelled, blush burning so hot, it was hard to keep her eyes open.

Heeding Amanda’s advice nonetheless, she turned to an equally red Diana, unable to meet her eyes. Akko didn’t think her face could get any hotter than it felt right now, but at the sight of Diana’s tongue quickly swiping across her lips, Akko’s face might as well be venus.

She should at least try to say something, right? Something comforting... or witty... or clever.

“Sorry...” That would work.

“It’s alright.”

//-//-//-//-//

She stared at her invitation. Wow. Did Andrew really take her to shop for Denise’s birthday gift months before it happened? The neat script spelling out, ‘You are cordially invited’ underneath the older woman’s name with the date of the ball kind of set her nerves on fire.

She was not one for formal events. But then Denise had been nice enough to hand it in person, looking like she’d be willing to beg for Akko to come. Andrew stood behind her menacingly, a pressuring force looming in the room.

But really, how was she supposed to do this? Sure she had experience with the arts and dancing. She had wanted to be a performer at some point in her life before deciding on her current course, keeping the arts as a hobby. That covered her bases in terms of the ballroom dancing part. But as for etiquette and all that jazz, Akko had no clue. She was just a normal girl, living a normal life, having met amazing people, and... the love of her life.

She groaned in remembrance, pulling out a slip of paper, an extra entrance voucher. ‘Bring a plus one’, Denise had said. Well... that wouldn’t be a problem, Akko supposed. Maybe... She could always ask Diana.

The thought of the girl set flurries of butterflies wild in her stomach, face warming up along with her heart. She fiddled with the band situated around her left ring finger. She was still getting used to it, the metal feeling awkward in that spot. That’s just what she gets for never wearing it all these years. Kind of a nuisance, if she were being honest; but... at the same time... it was a reminder that...

[“So you’re... my soulmate...”

“Looks like it.”

“Did you... know about it?” She watched fluffy hair bounce along with the bobbing of a shy girl’s head. “How long...?”

“I had a feeling right from when we met... then confirmed it after you first showed me your planetarium.”

“...that’s a few weeks back.”

“You’re just so slow.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. It really is now.”]

“AAAAHHHH!!” Akko hollered, ridding herself of the embarrassed tension in her body. “Hnnnggghhh...” Holding in all her squeals, she flew onto her bed, hugging a pillow tight and rolling about. Maybe she should call Diana right now, if only to hear her voice. Oh, and she should just pop the question while she’s at it, the invitation.

A few rings, one, two, three fo-

[“Hello?”]

“Did you know I love your voice? It was the first thing I fell in love with, ever since you saved me from the clutches of death.” She couldn’t hold back the adoration she felt for the Englishwoman any longer.

[“Oh my god, Akko. Did you really just call me so you could be such a sap?”]  Her giggle was always the best, Akko reveled.

“No~, or kind of yes, but not entirely.”

[“Is that so?”] Diana teased through the line.

“Don’t believe me?”

[“Of course I do! After all... it’s my magic.”]

“Who’s the sap now.”

[“I learned only from the best.”]

“Amanda?”

[“YOU, you idiot!”] Akko laughed at the reaction, squealing inwardly in delight. Diana’s laughter alongside hers died down, the phone going silent for a bit. And then, [“You’re the best.”].

Akko just couldn’t handle it.

“I love you.”

[“I love you too, sweetheart.”]

“I love you, I love you, I love you.”

[“I love you more.”]

“I love you! I love you! I love you!”

[“I love you more than anything in this world.”]

Akko was not crying.

“I love you... be my plus one?”

[“...”]

[“Always.”]

//-//-//-//-//

“My baby... so grown up now and looking all gorgeous.” Mrs. Kagari wiped a tear from her eye, admiring her daughter in a russet-toned gown, sleeveless, with a low dip in the back, fitting, and at the same time, flowing off her frame and onto the floor. It was simple, yet elegant. It matched well with Akko’s hair; usual bangs side-swept, signature ponytail gone, her long brown hair slightly curled and hanging off on one shoulder, exposing the other. All this topped with a little make-up, and even Andrew commended this picture of Akko that could pass as part of high society.

“Shall we?” He held out an arm for her to take, door open with a car waiting right outside. Akko’s father sobbed loudly, holding onto his wife for dear life.

“M-Mama! MY BABY! MY BABY IS BEING TAKEN AWAY BY SOME RICH YOUNG BRAT WHO JUST LOOKS GOOD, AND IS A LITTLE SMART, AND OWNS A HOSPITAL.”

“Well, don’t those sound like amazing specs.” Akko’s mama laughed, consoling the poor man. “You sound like a father sending his daughter off to meet her groom.”

“I AM.”

“But Diana-chan is so cute, though?”

“Man or woman, whoever takes my baby away from me and ends up hurting her... they will never see the light of the afterlife.”

Diana felt a chill run up her spine as she waited in the car.

“Oh, hush you. You’re overreacting.”

“AM I?!”

“Byebye, papa. I’ll be home soon. Love you~ Love you more, Mama!”

“Ah- bye, my darling daughter, my baby, my sun, light of my world, my angel!”

“You can stop embarrassing her now, darling.”

//-//-//-//-//

“Akko, don’t be so stiff.” Diana whispered into the girl’s ear, a hand caressing the small of her back to ease away the nerves. “You’ll be fine. Just think of it as any old party.”

“E-e-e-easy for you t-to say. You g-grew up with th-this.” Akko retorted, a hand with some champagne shakily approaching her lips.

“Really, you’re too high-strung.” The blonde sighed, pointing to Akko’s best friends. “Look at Lotte and Sucy, they look normal.”

Akko glared at her best friends who seemed to be enjoying themselves without a worry in the world. Oh, golly, what a treat. Maybe she shouldn’t have offered their extra tickets to them so she wouldn’t feel as bitter.

“Hey.” A flick was sent to her forehead. “No mean thoughts.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Di.A. NAAAA~” Here came a wild Denise, flying through the air to hug an alarmed Diana, barely catching her. It would appear as thought they were good friends, and Denise, not knowing anything about the relationship between her two dear bosom buddies, had sent them each an invitation with the hopes of bringing a plus one to introduce to her (so she could tease them about it), all the while, being kept in the dark that their plus one just so happened to be each other.

Which also explained the extra tickets that had gone to Lotte and Sucy. Akko was afraid it would be rude to just hand them away, but Diana reassured her it would be just fine. They both knew how kind-hearted and open-minded Denise was anyway.

“M-miss Walsh... please let me breathe.”

“Diana~ It’s Denise!”

“D-Denise... please... my airways...”

With greetings out of the way (Akko being squeezed to death as well, to be fair), the announcement were made, and the party commenced, music playing as the floor opened for the dances.

...

Akko swore she was a good dancer. Really! She was the ace of their studio. She could dance almost anything after learning it over the course of a few weeks at most, and so few days at the very least. So she couldn’t understand just how she’d suddenly acquired two left feet, constantly, and clumsily stepping on poor Diana’s feet.

One step. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

Another miss. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“S-sorry!”

“...”

“Oh my gosh, I really am sorry!”

“I-it’s quite alright...”

“...”

“Wanna get some fresh air?”

“Pleasured.”

//-//-//-//-//

The Walsh’s family gardens were certainly award winning, Akko admired. As someone with a hobby in that field, this was a dream come true, to see such stellar workmanship. With flowers o’er the earth, and stars up above, the moon reflecting ripples into a still, small lake just a few yards down, it was the picture of beauty.

Yet nothing could compare to Diana by her side. Akko admired the way the woman’s gown clung to her curves in all the right places, how midnight blue reminded her of the skies they were under, and the dear stars in the heiress eyes sparkled ever brighter. How the earrings that dangled sparkling silver matched Akko’s own, only in gold, how her hair was fixed to the side as well, a portion of her bangs tucked neatly behind her ear, held back by a pin Akko had gotten her recently.

Akko was transfixed, as though she were under a witch’s spell. A very gorgeous, kind-hearted, hardworking, and sincere witch. A woman she loved with every fiber of her being, with the entirety of her heart.

She watched the moonlight caress ivory skin, glistening under its kind rays. Akko wanted to do so as well. Touch it, and know she was real and not just a figment of her imagination.

“I love you.” She murmured, reaching forward, arms wrapped around a slim waist, lips pressing against a bare shoulder. “I love you.”

Diana hummed, hands resting over Akko’s latched on to her abdomen. “Dance with me, Love.” She beckoned, leading them to sway under the night sky, the crickets and the breeze playing them a song of romance solely for their rapture.

The moon as their only witness, they vowed silent words, moving along the area, spinning, swaying, dancing, laughing, smiling, crying.

Akko never felt as lucky as she did in this moment. She was beyond fortunate. This moment she’d never forget, a memory never to be destroyed all her life, reminding her that she was blessed.

Blessed, and still a little foolish.

“I still don’t get it, you know. Why ‘cabbage’?”

Diana laughed into the tranquil night. Slapping Akko’s bare arm in fondness. “Did you really just ask that? Now of all times? With a romantic mood set up like this?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You are amazing, Kagari Atsuko. I love you to death, really I do... but are you seriously still hung over that?” She inquired, spinning her fated partner about, bringing her back in close. “Does it have to make sense? Isn’t it enough to know that you’re meant to be mine, and I’m forever yours?”

Akko returned that tender smile, leaning up to place a kiss against Diana’s throat. “Well, yeah, I guess; but... like... doesn’t that defeat the rings’ purpose, then?”

“Does it matter?”

“...It doesn’t. Not anymore. Not when you’re by my side, because that’s all that matters.”

“Great answer.”

“Diana?”

“Hmmm? What is it now?” Diana asked, amused that the peaceful mood didn’t look like it would settle back down anytime soon.

“For ruining the moment.... sorry.” All Akko’s laughing refuted that statement. Diana knew they both didn’t regret it one bit. Not at all. So with a smile only meant for her world nestled in her arms, leaning down and closing the gap bit-by-bit, what else could Diana reply with except,

“...It’s alright.”

And they saw stars.

//-//-//-//-//

This... was an unexpected development.

“...Wanna come over?”

“I’d love to.”

Cold, soaked and dropped off by the Cavendish’s service car, they made their way up the drive way, Akko fumbling for her house keys in the wee hours of the morning.

“Sorry, I really didn’t expect it to rain when I invited you out.”

“It’s fine, it wasn’t something within our control at all. The night looked perfectly clear, too.”

Flipping on the lights by the threshold, Akko guided Diana in, drenched shoes flying off, but immediately retrieved and set to the side to drip properly. They’d have to clean and dry those tomorrow better, but for now, a bath of warmth was in order.

Akko had insisted Diana take one first, but ever the gentlewoman, Diana did not move an inch until she was absolutely certain Akko would be alright. Her strongest argument stood to be, “Just who was it that I had to take to the hospital upon our first encounter.”, and Akko could only pout, begrudgingly accepting her defeat and warming herself a bath, but not without leaving Diana a towel and a temporary change of clothes so she wouldn’t get chills.

As Akko tagged Diana with a kiss to the lips, switching places after drawing the girl a fresh warm bath, she made her way to the kitchen, deciding to make them some vegetable soup to warm them up from the inside. Would Diana like that too?

Choosing and gathering her ingredients, she began prepping, chopping up everything as her water in the pot was brought to a boil.

It didn’t take her long at all to finish. By the time the food was ready, Diana was back downstairs, clad in one of Akko’s oversized shirts and pajama bottoms. It did strange things to Akko’s dear heart. On Diana’s part, just the sight of her future wife (she was a woman with a vision for tomorrow) preparing her a meal, fresh from a bath, in their own little world... How could she not fall deeper in love? So in love that she could just kiss her!

And she did just that.

Walking up to the shorter girl, Diana coaxed her into warm arms, a hand making its way into brunette strands, entangling them around her fingers, ring shining amidst them. This was bliss. This was everything to her.

This was everything to Akko. Everything she’d hoped for and wanted, and even more.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Soft. A little salty, maybe the soup’s seasoning. Warm and gentle, yet pressured and emotional. Tenderly passionate, and passionately tender, their lips danced a song that they’d forever remember.

And as they sat down to eat, seated in front of each other, they motioned for cheers with their chopsticks, a leafy green clipped between one pair.

And that’s when Akko realized that it all made perfect sense.

The rings weren’t wrong, and the words would always be right.

“Ah...

Cabbage.”

~end.

A/N: Can you believe it? All that, just so I could say in the end, “Cabbage”. Honestly, Akko is so slow. Somehow I’m not quite satisfied with this, and maybe I should’ve gone with a different approach or piece, or simply edited my original plan to fit safely within the guidelines, but... Idk. Maybe I’m as much of a fool as Akko, that way. Was it worth the thousands of bothersome words to read? Haha. Feedback is appreciated, as always. Hope you enjoyed.

~Shintori Khazumi

[artificialqueens]

The Crying Reflex (Rosénali) - SnowBun

A/N: Did I use this to procrastinate from working and finishing I’m Not Into Sometimes? Absolutely. But never fear, I will finish that fic (at some point.) Posted about writing this a few weeks ago and I actually got around to it, what a shock! Idea taken from Rosé posting that Denali’s IG story made her cry.

Thank you to Hollie for always being the most amazing beta. Don’t know what I’d do without you. This is for dawningofdrag and pinkgrapefruit for making me feel like this was worth putting out into the world.

Summary: Denali always makes Rosé cry.

–

Rosé isn’t sure how they become friends. She doesn’t believe in destiny or cosmic jokes. She doesn’t think that there’s a higher being out there that writes a script to the whole universe in the stars.

Being friends with her feels more like a reflex. A meeting of the eyes across the room to stimulate, react with a friendship that feels so real she can almost hold it in the palm of her hand.

Look at me the way you do and that’s it, I’m yours.

“Can we talk?”

There are 11 other drag queens and a small but very present television crew in the room, but there is nothing else in her line of sight but Denali. All she can see is the way she dabs at her eyes and the way that they’re flitting from light bulb to light bulb in an effort to look anywhere that isn’t Rosé.

“I don’t know what it is about you,” She throws out her arms with a little laugh, like she’s about to explain that this all just some ridiculously mean joke that’s unfolding before them. “But I couldn’t even look at you. There’s just something about you.”

“You don’t have to look at me. You wanna know why?”

“Why?”

“Cause you’re going to have a lot of time to look at me.”

Every word that tumbles out of her mouth is a reaction to a tear that Denali blots away with a balled-up tissue paper in her fist. She encourages, even jokes, until she sees her crack a smile that reminds her of the way the sun breaks through hotel room curtains.

She doesn’t realize she’s holding her hand before her thumb is already stroking skin.

“I need you to do it not just for you, but I need you to do it for me; because I really need you here with me.”

Rosé is many things. She is a queen with unending wit and talent. She is that person who won’t stop toeing the line between hot mess and professional, purely for fun. She is the girl that everyone in the werkroom is eyeing with cautious curiosity.

“I know I can make it to the top.”

One thing she has never been is a crier.

“I know you can too.”

Well, at least she didn’t think she was.

Glass beads form in the corners of her eyes, so unlike the bright plastic ones that Lagoona had bought bags of weeks ago. No, these are Denali’s beads. Crystals of chandeliers draping from ceilings, as clear as the fact that she’s barely holding together.

She’s about to say something, even lets the air pass through her teeth so the words can come out; but then she feels her bottom lip quiver and she buries the reflex with things she prays she can admit to later.

“You know what to do.”

–

Denali shuts her eyes. Well, the non-prosthetic ones at least. Against the stark black of her dress, the orange hue of the setting sun washes her skin a beautiful shade of orange. Her radiance only serves to remind Rosé that she hates the way she looks right now.

“You okay?”

“Just tired.”

They lean against the wall, holding hands as they bathe in the last vestiges of daylight. She hums the disco number that’s been on repeat for the past two days if only to make Denali laugh, all low and breathy. It’s these small quiet moments that make the stamp of ‘you’re safe’ more sweet than bitter.

“You were amazing out there, angel.”

“So were you.” Denali turns her head to look at her and she can’t help herself from laughing when all eight black eyes stare back at her. “Still wasn’t enough for the judges, though.”

“Oh no, baby,” Rosé tuts. “I don’t need the judges to tell me shit. I’ll let my delusion tell me how great I am.”

They look out at the lot, watch crew members bustle about as they keep their distance. It’s simple really, how one person is point A and the other is point B. So easy to model with mathematical functions that distance is proportional to safety.

Even easier to prove that distance is proportional to the loneliness that threatens to swallow her whole when she’s trapped in her hotel room.

The thought of having to return to it in a few hours feels like a punch to the gut, the type that’s so strong that tears form in her eyes. To have thoughts, hopes, fears that she can only voice to a void sends her spiralling down.

She presses the back of her head into the concrete wall so she doesn’t cry. She still has to return to the runway after all. She blinks away her tears like the exhaustion and loneliness will disappear with them.

“Rosie?”

“Yeah?”

“Ever want something so bad it hurts?”

She knows Denali is talking about the competition. She knows that she’s talking about hearing, “condrag-ulations,” instead of, “you’re safe,” the next time they step out onto the stage. She knows that she’s talking about the things that they’ve both come here to achieve.

But then she notices that she’s been drawing on the back of Denali’s hand with the pad of her thumb this whole time. She feels the weight of loneliness lift ever so slightly off her shoulders and she knows without giving it any serious thought that she has all she wants right here. At least for now.

“Yes.”

“What was it?”

“Another cocktail.”

“I hate you so much.”

“I love you too.”

She colors those words shades of orange and black, permanent marker and invisible ink just for her.

–

“You’re going to win.”

It’s hard to be sure of things when the world is falling to shit. Being sure of things is reserved for statements like, “the earth isn’t flat,” or, “my dress is definitely a warm yellow and not orange.”

But Denali sounds so sure of it. She sounds like she’s turning theories into laws, like anything else is a deviation from the reality she’s living.

Rosé is holding a cocktail in one hand and Denali’s in the other, and the only thing she can really be sure of is that she isn’t willing to let go of either right now.

“I swear to God, if you’re jinxing this for me–”

“I’m not!”

Thank you.

It’s the first thing she writes on the skin of her hand in a code only they will ever understand. There are ancient languages lost to time, but she knows that when they leave this competition, those words etched into flesh will be a relic only she can read.

“I’m going to sue you for $5000 if I don’t hear RuPaul say, ‘condrag-ulations, Rosé’ by the end of tonight.”

“Shut up.” She giggles. “I promise that you’re going to win this. There is literally no way you won’t.”

Rosé doesn’t have to think too hard to know that Denali is right. In fact, her reflex is to believe her; but if she pauses, lets the lull of laughter set in for too long, then she hears that little voice in the back of her brain, telling her over and over again that it wasn’t good enough.

You’re right.

Of course, she can’t admit it out loud, but she knows whispers of fingertips will be enough for her to understand.

“In case I do win, I’m going to have to ask you to promise me shit like that every week.”

“Mmm, no way.” She pops the plastic straw of her drink out of her mouth, leaving a ring of black staining bright pink. “I have to leave some of those promises for myself. You know, share the love.”

The room is buzzing with nervous energy from the idea of either Kandy, Tina or Symone having to lip sync, but on the couch alone with her, it feels like a bubble. All she can hear is laughter and promises bouncing off fragile walls.

“I’m proud of you, Rosie.”

Her drink is halfway to her mouth when she says it. It takes a moment for her brain to process, but her body reacts right away. The tears in her eyes don’t come from the pain of having just laughed too hard or from the exhaustion that keeps threatening to knock her out.

No, they come from the way Denali looks at her, like her color blindness takes off the green on her face so she can see all the dreams she hides underneath.

I love you.

“Thank you, angel.” She gives her hand a final squeeze before letting go.

–

It doesn’t register that the hand he’s holding isn’t Denali’s.

Most of the queens have fallen asleep, the emotions from the long day leaving them all drained of energy. There are snores and whispers filling up the empty seats of the van, but he doesn’t notice. All he knows is that something is wrong, something he can’t quite place.

The way he writes it’s okay is more than just a habit that he’s acquired over the past few weeks. It’s become a reflex, no different to breathing. The words he writes need no introduction or conclusion. It’s something he knew how to do before he learned he was doing it.

When he turns his head, he’s almost surprised to find that it’s actually Olivia, hiding half his face in the sleeve of a baggy sweatshirt so no one can hear him sniffling. One look at him and everything comes rushing back.

Denali is gone and no one can understand the words now.

He isn’t angry at him, couldn’t be even if he tried. He sees the bloodshot eyes when they pass under a streetlamp and he knows the way it feels. He knows how it feels because all he can think about is how Denali used to sit there, buzzing with the idea of making his dream come true.

“Sorry, Liv.”

Rosé isn’t sorry that he can’t let go of his hand or that he’s caught him crying. If he’s honest, he isn’t really sure what he’s sorry for. It just seems like the right words to say to tell him he’s not suffering alone.

Is this what it feels like to lose half of something that’s still whole? Things won’t fall apart now that he’s gone. He’ll still push to get to that finish line until his lungs give out and breathing turns into a sting in his chest.

But how he wishes he could get there holding his hand.

“Me too.”

Olivia lets out a shaky breath before leaning against him. Rosé is thankful that he can’t see his face. All the easier to hide the tears that threaten to pour out of him.

–

The hotel door shuts behind him, the sound reverberating all throughout his mind, soul and body until all that’s left in his brain is a single thought:

I did it.

His reflex is to belt, “The winner is Rosé!” to his hotel room. Then he looks around, sees the grand emptiness of it all, and lets the pain in his chest shock his body, a billion volts to the parts of him that even he can’t see.

The void pokes, prods, stimulates, and his body’s first response is to turn and look for Denali. He knows that the doors are locked, that telling him he’s in the top four is nothing short of impossible when he’s probably already hundreds of miles away.

What would it be like if he’d been there?

What would it be like to see him wipe off the makeup, revealing nothing but the look of purest joy and pride underneath? What would it be like to hold his hand until the end so he can learn how the words we did it feel on his skin?

What would it be like if the vision of him that still lives in his mind actually paid its three weeks long overdue rent?

What happens when he comes home? What happens when he has to tell him that he’s achieved something that they both deserved to have?

Questions, questions, and more questions. They occupy his brain and it spins the way he does across the stage. There’s a hurricane in the room, tearing everything apart, and he can’t find his way into its eye.

For the first and last time during the entire competition, he lets himself cry. It is free, messy, ugly with its heaving sobs that wrack through his whole body. It’s the type of crying that would be a meme tomorrow if it had gotten caught on the set of Drag Race.

He isn’t sure why he cries, not when his dreams are literally coming true. He’s always known that things will never be as he sees it in his head, but he never imagined that the pleasure would come with a pain he can’t even understand.

It takes a moment for the hurricane to pass. It leaves him drained of emotions he didn’t know he had, but he’s alive and it’s all he really cares about. He lifts up the covers of his bed and crawls in, hoping that he’ll forget the complex cocktail of emotions that he’s just unearthed when he wakes up the next day.

Before he falls asleep, he rehearses his script in his head.

Hey, D. You were right, I did it.

–

It’s in the last few seconds before falling asleep and in the pauses while finishing his makeup that he spends thinking of what he’ll say to him when he gets home. When he finally gets a chance, none of what he plans ever gets said.

The first thing he does when he gets home from Drag Race is to collapse onto his bed. He fills his senses with the smell of his sheets. It’s a familiar embrace that pulls him into the deepest, most comfortable sleep he’s had in months.

When he wakes up, the room is so dark that he can’t tell he’s even opened his eyes. He drinks in the idea that he can leave it behind, that there is light beyond these walls and he can touch it with his bare hands again.

Instead, he grabs his phone off the nightstand. He forgets what he’s meant to do in the first place, but his fingers are already searching for the message that Denali sent as soon as he got home to Chicago. He doesn’t realize what he’s doing until the words are jumping out of the screen at him, breaking him until he smiles.

Denali: hi rosie! Idk when you’ll be back but since you’ll probably make it to the finale, that might be a while. Ilysm and i’m already so proud of you. Call me when you get back, miss you!

Denali: PS it’s all your fault that i keep singing pretty witty fashion clown, i hate you

The picture of Denali sitting on his couch, typing out something so incredibly sweet then following it up with his own brand of ridiculous, is so vivid in his mind that he can’t stop himself from laughing. Otherwise, he might start screaming about how the feeling of the bones caging his poor heart are breaking.

“Hello?”

“Rosie!”

Nightmares start where dreams end, and this one had started the moment she’d walked off the stage, leaving her hopes at Rosé’s feet, clad in chunky Tina Burner heels. He wakes up when he hears him say his name, even if it isn’t the real thing.

“Oh my god, you just got back. Does this mean I was right?”

“Why do you sound like you were doubting me, baby?”

If he’s honest, he’d been scared of this moment. It was an unspoken contract: we’ll be there together. It felt like breaking his end of the promise, even if it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

“I knew it!” He paints the dark of the room with the joy in his voice and Rosé watches all the colors she’s ever worn on runways tint the bare walls. “I swear Rosie, I knew from the day I met you that you’d make it there.”

I thought the same about you.

He bites back the words, swallows them like a bitter pill.

“Aww, you’re so sweet, D.”

“God, I miss you so much.”

The pill gets stuck in his throat, making his eyes water. He knows he’s been missed and he knows he’s missed him too, but to hear the words burst into a flash of light that fills up the darkened corners of his room makes him remember that everything they have is more than just an intersection of a dream and a nightmare.

What they had in quiet conversations on van rides and tipsy chats in the werkroom was real, and he had come home to it, even if it’s just a phone call that will never be enough.

“I miss you too.”

–

It doesn’t hit him how lonely he’s felt for months until he isn’t alone anymore.

After his third glass of wine, he settles on the edge of Symone’s bed. He watches his sisters talk about nothing and everything all at once. He tries to cut in every once in a while with a song or a joke or his usual mixture of both, but he’s perfectly content just to see all of them together again.

Days, weeks, months have passed and not all of them are spent alone, but loneliness still mars every interaction he has. In the middle of a world that’s going forward and nowhere all at once, he can’t help but feel like he’s in the middle of the ocean with water filling his lungs.

Then he hears them all laugh and he rises to the surface with a breath of fresh air and the sun shining down on his face.

“Rosita!”

Denali whines and immediately plops down beside him, laying his head in his lap. Rosé knows that he’s drunk or at least close to it, but he’s almost certain that he’d do this to him completely sober too.

It’s been four hours since they’ve reunited after months apart, but how they are hasn’t changed. The safety that he’d thought had just been there to shield him from the impending doom in a bright pink box is still there.

He won’t admit it to anyone, least of all to himself, but as he runs his fingers through his hair, he knows that he’s missed this the most.

“I’m going to fall asleep if you keep doing that.”

“Are you a fucking cat?”

“I’m a pussy, sweetie.”

He looks around the room again and it sinks in how lucky he is to have this. In a universe that he believes is constantly on the brink of implosion, he’s found people like them to hold on to. They didn’t know it at the time, but all the sacrifices they’ve made have led them to this.

Most of all, he’s found the living embodiment of growth and joy, and he has strands of his hair slipping between his fingers. He blames the fact that he almost cries on how Denali won’t stop making feminine moaning noises, causing everyone in the room to break into laughter.

Soon, he will have to go home to empty spaces. He will return to the loneliness, but the dullness of its knife will have faded. When it comes to him in the night, making the world stop again, he will greet it with this memory of contentment.

–

There are millions of things that she’s willing to do to make it stop. He could turn the universe upside down, inside out for him. He could yell at the top of her lungs for highways and mountains to move for him. He could fly a damn plane to Chicago for him.

Nothing is too much to stop being a helpless soul, watching him cry over Facetime calls.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Your feelings will never be stupid, angel.”

Denali tries to laugh, but it doesn’t come out quite right. It is too full of tears and fears, too loaded with emotions that Rosé begs to understand. It is the saddest sound she’s ever heard and shards of glass appear where her heart used to be.

“Everyone loves me now.” He says as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Yeah, because your lipsync was that fucking good, diva.”

“And what happens when I disappoint them?”

Rosé takes a deep breath, lets it settle where shattered glass lies. After a long night alone, he’d once seen a video where they turn the pieces into the most beautiful new figures. He wonders if he’ll know he’s turning his heart into something new for him.

“Listen to me, Denali. You are not and will never be a disappointment to anyone.”

“What happens when I’m eliminated? What happens when people figure out that I’m not as good as they thought I was?”

They’ve only talked about it once before, while drunk in his room after a long day of promo. If the others noticed that Denali was talking to him in whispers and holding his hand too tight, they didn’t mention it.

Does he know that he cuts her fingers when he tries to pick up the pieces for him? Does he know that he believes that nothing in the world could ever be so wrong? Does he know that he loves him too much to ever think of him the way he thinks of himself?

Months ago, he’d questioned how he could ever be so sure of anything. Oh, how the tables have turned.

“Yes, you will.” He doesn’t know how he manages to keep his voice steady for him. “One bad day won’t change how much people love you. You’re a fabulous performer and an even more fabulous friend. Don’t ever doubt it for one minute, bitch.”

“But–”

“No buts here, baby. The only acceptable one is the fat ass you’re sitting on.”

It’s only when Denali laughs that he realizes he’s been crying too. How could he not when nothing in the world could be as clear? To love him is a reflex and to stop is in the realm of impossibility.

“I’m sorry I ruined your makeup, Rosie.”

“Don’t worry about it.” It’s easy to brush off, especially when it comes to him. “Maybe the people that booked Cameos are into the smudged mascara look.”

People never told him he could love someone’s laugh so much before.

–

Denali makes him realize what it means to daydream. One minute, he’s out of his own body, watching them dance in a whirlwind of giggling grace together. He spins across the dance studio and when he opens his eyes, they’re suddenly drunk off of bad cocktails in his living room, trying to do the choreography to Phenomenon.

“Wait, no!”  He almost falls over when he throws his arms over his head. “We really have to put our whole body into the wiggle. Like this.” It takes a single demonstration for Denali to crash onto the couch, burying his face into a cushion to hide his scream from Rosé’s neighbors.

“I’m just trying to be accurate here.” He says when he plops down beside him. “Utica said wiggle to the top, so I’m wiggling to the fucking top, baby.”

“You can’t make a top out of a bottom, Rosie.”

“Well, I made it to the top four, didn’t I?”

They’re both laughing so hard it hurts. It’s the type of laughing that makes their eyes tear up and their vision blur. It’s the type of laughing that makes them struggle for breath until they can’t tell if it’s them or the room that’s spinning.

The cocktail of alcohol and absurdity settles at the bottom of his stomach and he lets the laughter die. He reaches out for his hand, writes down words from memory to flesh.

Thank you.

You’re right.

I love you.

He wonders how many new words he’ll learn during his stay in New York.

Denali writes something back and it’s all Rosé could have ever hoped for. It’s not that he didn’t know it before, but having the words burned on the back of his hand is still the sweetest sensation he’s ever felt.

It happens so quickly that he doesn’t know where it starts and ends. All he knows for sure is that Denali kissed him, a peck on his lips that feels like the quick burst of a bubble.

When he wakes from this dream tomorrow, he’s not sure he’ll even remember what it felt like. All he’ll think of is the way Denali presses into his side, like none of it ever happened.

“Maybe you really are a cat.”

“Just go to sleep.”

Rosé doesn’t find trouble shutting his eyes. He doesn’t need to see him to know he won’t leave.

–

Maybe it’s the power of TV magic or maybe it’s the wall of makeup that Tina had plastered onto his face that makes it look like he isn’t holding back a gallon of tears. Instead, he looks as happy as he always does, bouncing across the runway like seeing Denali leave didn’t break his heart right in two.

The thought of having to act happy feels ridiculous now that they’re both sobbing silently over the phone. Neither of them have said anything since Ru told him to sashay away and as Untucked starts to play, they remember that they have to breathe again.

“Are you okay?”

Denali is almost uncomfortably quiet. The streaks of foundation missing from his face tell Rosé all he really needs to know but he asks anyway, if only to make sure that he doesn’t get trapped in his own head. Beautiful minds make the ugliest nightmares, after all.

“Why do you always dance like that during lipsyncs?”

He stares at him in open-mouthed shock. After the emotional ringer that they’ve both just been pulled through, all he can focus on is the fact that only his knees move when he’s dancing in the background?

“Are you fucking kidding me, Denali?”

“This episode is way too tragic.” He’s brushing it off so easily that the concern Rosé feels grows with each passing second. “My elimination, your makeup, your weird dad dancing. We have to address those things one at a time.”

“And can that first thing be your elimination?”

Denali quits rambling when he says it. They listen to the synced buzz of their TVs, watch as Rosé writes it’ll be okay on her hand. He wonders if the words are still there, wonders if he can still feel them when he needs them the most.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for it yet.”

To love him is to accept it.

Tonight won’t be the night for them to talk about it. It probably won’t even be tomorrow; but when he’s ready, Rosé will keep his end of the promise. There will be other times to love him in the ways he knows how.

“Why won’t people just leave my dad dancing alone?”

“Oh, Rosie,” he giggles and Rosé thinks it might be the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. “I think it’s adorable.”

–

Denali: have you seen the response online omg

Rosé: I told u so

Denali: what

Rosé: told u they’d love u as much as i do

[iridescenthor]

king & queen

Pairing; Peter Parker x Reader

Time Frame; Homecoming

Summary; You worry for Peter, more times than not. When he learns this he pulls you away from homework for the night and takes you on a swing around the city.

Warnings; strong language

an:// First fic on this account and first Peter fic ever lol kinda scared. I do write for multiple fandoms and requests are open!! For Marvel I write for Peter, Tony, Loki, and I’m trying to ease into writing for Thor but I can’t get his personality down good so it’s a work in progress :( I also will write for BTS, all Harry Potter characters, some 70/80s movies and more - feel free to send in an ask if you’re wondering if I write for someone specific. Thank you :)

School had been absolutely kicking your ass lately. Homework upon homework was being assigned in almost every class, and on top of that multiple quarter tests coming up that you really needed to study for considering the material being taught lately was just completely skimming right over the top of your mind.

Normally school came easily to you. You prided yourself in your ambition and intelligence, school had never been a problem for you. Now it was different, now you knew where your boyfriend actually ran off to every night. When he had first told you what the Stark Internship was, you had been ecstatic. Peter was Spider-Man? That’s amazing! It was something he genuinely loved doing and if anything it made you fall in love with him even more after learning he spent his days protecting the city for nothing in return. However it didn’t talk long for the anxiety to kick in.

Now instead of having the weary feeling in the back of your head that he was doing something behind your back, you had an overwhelming feeling of nausea at the thought that one of these nights he would never make it back to Aunt May - to you - safely.

Worrying for his safety was the main cause of your procrastination in completely work efficiently lately. It would never stop as long as you were with him, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t begin to work on at least keeping up your grades while waiting for him to text you that he was home safe for the night. 

So, like you had been for the past couple of weeks since he filled you in on his secret identity, you tried to push your anxieties out of your mind and focus on the tower of work in front of you waiting to be completed. Sitting there like a lovesick teenager with your mind on your boy all night was not going to help you pass your classes.

An hour passed, and soon that slipped into two hours. You had managed to complete most of the work assigned but definitely not to the best of your ability. It was already half past midnight, and no text from Peter. You were completely aware that maybe he got caught up on the way home and someone needed help but it didn’t stop you from worrying. He’d usually texted by now, but so far there was nothing. You gave up on the homework for the rest of the night - opting to finish some during study hall the next day or just full-out leaving it all to do tomorrow night.

After packing away the remaining school materials into your bag, you changed into some comfortable sleeping shorts and one of Peter’s oversized long-sleeve shirts. Turning the lights off and slipping under the covers of your bed was the easy part, but no matter how many times you tossed and turned you couldn’t fall asleep without knowing if Peter was sleeping soundly in his bed or bleeding out in an alley on the other side of the city.

It was one on the dot when a soft tapping filled the burning silence of your room. You turned from facing your closet and spotted a crouched figure on your fire-escape. Your heart lunged happily when you recognized the familiar blue and red of the suit Tony stark made for him. You yanked the covers off your body and threw your legs over the edge of your bed, running to open the window as quickly and quietly as you could. Once it was open, you didn’t let even let him reach up to pull off his mask before you were throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him close to you. “I was so worried.” You whispered, pressing a few kisses to his collarbone.

He chuckled cutely, climbing in the window to hug you closer to him. “I’m sorry I showed up without texting you first, I forgot my phone at home. I just wanted to see you.”

You smiled, pulling away a little to grab the hem of his mask and pull it gently over his head. Finally you were able to look him in the eyes, and the realization that he returned to you safe once again was enough to immediately calm your nerves. He smiled at you, leaning down to press a short kiss on your lips.

An idea seemed to come to his head as he pulled away excitedly. “Hey, say neither of us were tired and we both wanted to get a little adrenaline rush before sleeping. Would you be up to it?”

You grinned, immediately pulling away to slip on some moccasins. “Are you offering what I think you are?” He nodded cheekily, turning to climb out the window once more. Once he was crouched on the railing of the fire-escape, he reached his hand out to you.

“Wanna go for a swing?” He proposed formally, a giddy grin pulling at his lips as you accepted his hand. He helped you out onto the balcony, before pulling you up to stand next to him on the thin railing. You looked down below, already feeling the excitement building in you at the sight of the ground twenty stories below you, as he helped steady you when a particularly strong gust of wind blew past.

He looked at you, adoration pooling in his eyes as he watched you hold onto the supports of the stairs that continued up the side apartment building. “Ready?” His left arm wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you into his body and your response was immediate - not a hint of hesitation apparent. You trusted him, you trusted him with everything in you. You released the support beams and wrapped your arms tightly around his neck.

You pressed your nose affectionately to his cheek and smiled at the red tint building on his face - whether it was from the wind or the close proximity of your bodies you were unsure. “Ready.” You confirmed in a whisper. A grin spread across his face like wildfire, and in one swift movement he yanked the mask over his head, hoisted you up so your legs were wrapped tightly around his waist, and jumped from the railing. Before you both were even halfway to the ground he shot out a web and latched onto the railing of a balcony on another building.

He swung you both forward, releasing the web and shooting out another one whenever need be. Every time your bodies dropped your stomach would squeeze and twist uncomfortably but the smile never left your lips. You moved your head so you were looking back over Peter’s shoulder as he swung, and immediately felt the air leave your lungs. This was what Peter saw every night? It was beautiful to say the absolute least. The lights from the city were all different colors and they were currently all blurring together from the speed of his swings.

You watched the cars driving on the street below and a laugh slipped from your lips. Peter reacted by squeezing your waist tightly with the arm holding you to him as he managed to finally stop you both on the rooftop of one of the fancy hotels in the city. He landed with a soft thud and moved a few steps away from the edge. You unwrapped your legs from around him, placing your feet on the gravel of the rooftop yet neither of you let go of each other. He pulled his mask off once more and laughed happily, pressing his nose to skin behind your ear, breathing in deeply. “How was it?”

With your chin propped up on his shoulder, you squeezed your arms around his neck in a tighter hug. “Amazing. So amazing.”

He pressed a couple slow kisses down your neck until his forehead was resting on your shoulder. “I love you so much.”

A small laugh escaped your lips as you pulled away to look him in the eyes. You unwrapped your arms from his neck, opting to cup his cheeks in your hands as you spoke with unwavering adoration. “I love you too. So much more than you’ll ever know.” You leaned in, locking his lips with your own in a slow kiss. “I was so worried about you today. It’s the longest you’ve gone on patrol.” You mumbled against his lips.

“I’m sorry baby, I got caught up. Quite a few robberies for just one night, it was kinda weird.” He explained softly, burying his face in the crook of your neck again.

“It’s alright lovely.” You whispered back, tracing a circle on the back of his neck. “I just want you safe, that’s all.” You sat there for a while longer just embracing each other as the wind picked up. You shivered when you felt it whip at your bare legs. He felt you shake and immediately pulled away with a frown.

“Oh shit babe, you can’t sit out here with just shorts on - why didn’t you say you were cold?” He scolded gently, pulling you with him to the edge of the building.

“No,” You whined, trying to tug out of his grip. “I want to keep hugging you. You’re all warm and you smell good.” A blush rose up on his cheeks once more and a small breathy laugh escaped his lips. He tried to pull on the mask before you noticed his reddening face, but you would have been able to see how flustered he was from a mile away.

Once he was standing on the edge he pulled you flush against him, grabbing at your wrists and wrapping your arms back around his neck. “Cuddle?” He suggested, voice muffled by the fabric of his mask. “I can call May and ask if I could sleep over yours tonight?” You let out a squeak of excitement and nodded vigorously, jumping up to wrap your legs back around his waist with his help.

His left arm wrapped securely around you once more as he got ready to jump. “Sounds like a plan then.” He confirmed, and even with his mask covering the grin on his lips, you could still here the excitement coating his voice. 

[britishsass]

7 or 8 or both ;)

Heh, I kept you waiting for awhile, didn't I. Sorry 'bout that-- Computer decided to fail me after I saw your ask, and I've been procrastinating.

Anyways, anyone curious, this is from this ask meme.

I'm putting it under a cut because... uh... I didn't shut up.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

This one is hard, since I don't tend to like my prose as much. Though I will say, I do kinda like how I wrote Fallen Down. Especially the switch between the jovial talk of making coffee and a little bit of playful ribbing at Fred to suddenly "...And then it all stopped being funny."

Warning for death here! Big time.

"He could even hear the loud noise when it slammed into the ground. Shattering and splatting and cracking. Dirt, hard as concrete in the frozen winter air, meeting something it was never meant to meet. Fred stared through the window at the body, still twitching for just a moment, as flakes of snow and dusty concrete fall around it, taunting the man who beat them there. Someone walked past, greeting him, but Fred only stared outside. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to work like nothing was going on? Was he supposed to go talk to others? Call an ambulance, call for help, anything? He was a senior-ranking orderly, after all. He was supposed to know what to do. He dropped his mug, just to watch it too shatter on the ground. Its fall was much shorter. "

The writing here is something I actually kinda like. I really feel like it slows down enough to fully take in that feeling of "Oh my god oh my god what the heck just happened what the HECK" that Fred's feeling in that moment. It's a bit dreamlike, in that feeling like you're gonna wake up now, and it'll be over. As well, the juxtaposition between the coffee mug and Thorney was something I liked, because the coffee mug was from just a little bit ago, where I was joking around and talking about Fred bumping his head on the fridge. And suddenly it's gone.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Okay, let's see here. Dialogue is definitely my strong suit, and I think my favorite parts are the banter bits. I have so many of those, though, so here's some highlights from four stories.

From you set sail alone, there is no crew:

“Water… My family has a curse where if we touch it, then we die.” “Huh. Sucks to be you.”

“It wasn’t. I’ve not even seen Mullet Man yet. Does he still have that dumb mullet--” “Yep.” “Heh. I don’t know how I’d insult him if he ever got a fashion sense.” “Oh, y’know. You’d find something.” “I’ve been trying to come up with something he can’t use on me when I get my body back-- Wanna hear?” “Not really.”

From Mentallis's Museum Mayhem:

“...No, really, you guys are allowed to ask questions. I’m not a lecturer.” “If you sound like Crully talking about the final frontier, I’m going to sleep through it,” Lucy warned.

“Yeah. But we don’t need to go there, if you don’t want. I tried to keep it more to the, ah… Post-insanity segment.” “...no giant goat puppets?” “No giant goat puppets, I promise.”

Cocoa and Cuddles, a short story I wrote as a Christmas present for-- you, heh.

“Put that in human terms, Otto.” “It’s still freezing. I put my thermometer in Kelvin, don’t expect me to know things like ‘celciheit’ or ‘farenius’ or whatever.” “I’m going to get brain freeze just listening to you one of these days. You’ll go into my head and find a godd-mn grave, marked with ‘here lies Ford, Otto finally did it’ or something.”

“What if you died because of a new type of flu, Otto? That’d be the worst way to die.” “I think the worst way to die would be right now because you two decided talking about this was more important than getting inside. Are you coming?”

"“One of these days, I’m going to get you to braid that,” Lucy said. “Someday. But you’ll need to ask very nicely first.” “Then it won’t happen today, for sure.”

And, of course... Otto's Ordeal wouldn't be complete without the fun lines in the midst of the angst.

Helmut bringing back "Is this a bus" always gets me--"“...Compton? Uh, what are these things? Are those busses?” He pointed to the vehicles pulling in on rails. “They don’t look like trains…”"

“Now, now. There’s bound to be a point to it. Has Otto ever made anything that doesn’t have a point?” “Yes.”

“I’ll have you know that Alan Turing absolutely was a great man, and--” “I know, you’ve told me a hundred times before. He was a gay computer scientist and one of your first crushes. I know, Otto.” “Wh-- I did not have a crush on Alan Turing--”

However, I've also got a few lines that are less funny that get me every time. Here's a few of those as well, from the same stories.

From you set sail alone, there is no crew:

“Got so used to falling that I stopped trying to get back up again.” “Well, at least others can help you get back up, right?” “I… don’t know.”

"For a forget-me-not, he was pretty forgetful when it came to me.”

I didn't have any from MMM or Cocoa, but Otto's Ordeal is full of that.

“F-ck the code names! I don’t know where my husband is, again. He could be in danger, again. And I could never see him again AGAIN!”

“...Looks like rain,” Bob quietly stated. She turned to him, close to yelling, but she could see the look in his eyes that said it wasn’t meant as a rude comment at all. “I-- I mean, since you work with water, and you look like you’re going to cry, so-- You know what, how about we just forget I said anything. Do you want a hug?”

Anyways, that's all I have at the moment. I likely show my bias towards Bob dialogue a lot when it comes to the sad stuff, but... it just sticks out to me.

[kunstpause-archive]

Fic Writer Meme

I got tagged for this by @illegiblewords - thank you! 💕

Name

Fandoms

Most popular oneshot

Most popular multichapter

Actual worst part of writing

How you choose your titles

Do you outline

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?

Callouts @ Me

Best writing traits

Spicy Tangential Opinion

Name: Kunstpause almost everywhere, halfbakedporxie on twitter for fandom and nsfw stuff, Netzeinhorn on twitter for sfw and private things. Anna to people who just wanna talk to me. ;)

Fandoms: Mostly FFXIV. Still some Dragon Age because I am finishing up a long story. Oh and recently Baldur’s Gate 3 has joined the “fandoms I’m writing for” list.

Most popular oneshot: Complications for FFXIV. It was the first kinktober prompts I did for this fandom and it probably got the least interaction in terms of people talking to me about it, but somehow is the most popular one stats-wise. It’s a short and sweet (and steamy) bit about Cassia and Haurchefant getting together for the first time.

Most popular multichapter: The Hunter And The Prey for Baldur’s Gate 3. That one has just... exploded? It’s my only fic for that fandom so far but I got terribly invested in that pairing. And I am having ideas for a polyship and another story about that one running around my head lately too.

Actual worst part of writing: Getting started. I have rouble starting things. Like, not necessarily the start of a chapter but sitting down and starting a task. Often, I have to trick myself into “I am not actually sitting down to write now, I am just quickly doing this and that” situations. I wrote about 5 bigger chapters of a story by tricking myself into short burst writing while playing msq roulette in ffxiv which is genuinely boring af, right? Si what I did was turn on a tv show I liked but already know to watch while doing the fighting, and when the long cutscenes started I muted the tv and wrote on my second monitor for as long as the cutscene lasted. When it was over I went back to fighting and watching TV as a treat. 😅 I usually wrote about 1000 words per Praetorium run and about 700 during Castrum.

How you choose your titles: I have no rhyme or reason to that. They just... appear. Most of the time I actually don’t find the title thing as bothersome as many other people seem to. I usually go with a theme of the story, often trinyg to not be too on the nose. Most of the times it works.

Do you outline: Yes, always. I am an architect, I need to plan. I sometimes write outlines that are pages long. Another thing I often do is write the entire dialogue for a chapter down first. Sometimes I change bits of it while I write around it, but most of it I nail down before I write the action and the emotional parts of the story. Since one of compliments I get most often is that people like the flow of my dialogues I am assuming this works well for me.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: I have two really nice ideas for SWTOR fics that could be really great but I can’t see myself playing this game enough to do the research for them anymore, sadly. I also had some nice plots for Dragon Age things on hold but after all the shit from last year I don’t feel that fandom is for me anymore.

Callouts @ Me: Stop procrastinating. You write very fast - think about all the shit you could get done if you stopped watching youtube videos every ten sentences.

Best writing traits: As I said, I think my dialogue is quite good and I feel I have a good grasp for character voices. And both from my own feeling and the feedback I get I write good smut and seem to have an ability to make people go “holy shit, I didn’t think I was into that but...” - my proudest moments.

Spicy Tangential Opinion: Writing styles have merit but you don’t have to contain yourself to one style. You can have an identity as a writer and a particular voice without limiting yourself to just one particular stylistic choice. Go nuts! Sometimes a change makes it possible to tell a story you couldn't before.

tagging (with no obligation ofc): @elfyourmother @elveny @blarfkey @hobo-apostate @queen-kass-the-writer @wardenari @curiousthimble @hollyand-writes @kemvee @captainderyn @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold @charlatron @laraslandlockedblues @a-shakespearean-in-paris @defira85 @tishinada @midnightprelude @allycryz @exposed-whimsy @starsandskies @jentrevellan

And whoever wants to take this, feel free to tag me back

[bwaldorf]

rules: answer the questions and tag people you’d like to get to know better

tagged by @baebe thank you, angel! 🤍

tagging: @tittiez @lohvedrvnk @twerp @eboysan @milfjisoo @gowone @strayk1ss @shotarao @tiddie @airsignz @yugyxom @lagomorfa @mysweetvivi @babieyangs @jjonghyunsolostan @angelgrrrlz @defgyus @cooky & anyone else who’d like to do this! ⭐

what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

ramasha! i’m drilling the pronunciation into everyone’s heads, it’s said like “rum-sha” despite the counterintuitive spelling 

when is your birthday?

may 29th!

where do you live?

california! :D

three things you’re doing right now?

listening to music, answering this tag (and hopefully another after this one) and then thinking about ways to further procrastinate the essays i have to do

four fandoms that have piqued your interest

star wars: currently doing a deep dive into why people like me are still fans of this shit! KJNGKG 

anime: just in general. though i have been seeing some specific ones around a lot more lately for whatever reason and it’s intrigued me. maybe i’ll dabble in the future

and im blanking on any other fandom ever. interestingly, there’s no kpop fandom (for once) that i’m particularly keen on being a part of for now

how has the pandemic been treating you?

it’s been okay. the days have really been such a blur, i don’t even know what i’m doing anymore 

a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

there’s way too many and i’m blanking right now (as usual) but two i’ve had on repeat a lot are love killa by monsta x and rumors by ivorian doll 😭

recommend a movie!

scooby doo 2: monsters unleashed 😸 idk why i’ve had that movie on the brain but yeah! it’s fun and the best one of the series, i won’t accept a single opinion otherwise

how old are you?

23 

school, university, occupation, other?

university! i’m graduating next semester, god bless

do you prefer heat or cold?

cold! the heat makes me so uncomfortable and makes me feel so nasty so it’s a big pass from me

name one thing about you that others may not know

i have dual citizenship in pakistan and america! (that’s the most random shit i could think of)

are you shy?

most of the time, yes. i’m an occasionally social introvert (especially online)

pronouns?

she/her

biggest pet peeves?

people who eat loudly ..... like close your mouth at least PLEASE!!!!

what’s your favourite “dere” type?

fuck you! don’t ask me no shit like that

rate your life from 1-10. 1 being crappy, 10 being the best it could be

5. my life itself could be worse, it’s not that bad. but my Mental Situation is another story entirely

what’s your main blog?

this one! 

list your side-blogs and what they’re used for

as of currently, i only have two main sideblogs: @henderyten which is more of my post whatever i want blog but i’m trying to make it a fandom + darker aes blog and @rmhelps is my storage blog where i reblog themes and icons and other random reference posts i wanna keep! 

is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

i talk way too much, am terrible at small talk (instead being prone to oversharing for no reason). also i go from replying to you Instantly with no shame or to being a terrible replier bc im a mental patient KGNKNJGGG my bad

[inkrabbit]

The Yearbook

This is an older story, little over 2 years old, but the next shipping story for Sucker will revolve around the suggestion by Vance. Also I think Bully deserves a bit more content on here.

Pete frowns slightly as he stares down at the yearbook's generic cover. He'd had the thing for over a couple days and no one's come around to sign it. He didn't really go out and ask people to sign, either. He figured he was too much of a loser to ask the other students, or even teachers to sign his yearbook. And the thought of this made his frown worsen. However, when the bell finally rang and the few students who had stayed for the remainder of their English finals got up to leave, he met a smiling Mr. Galloway, beckoning him over. He figured the man was just drunk and wanted to give him a lecture about being more social and whatnot his sophomore year.

"Ah, Peter! How are you?" Mr. Galloway greets, his nose redder than Rudolf the Reindeer.

"I-I'm fine. What did you need?" he questions. With a warm smile, the man waves his hand, gesturing to the yearbook still clenched firmly in his hands. Hesitantly, he gives it to him, chewing on his bottom lip, anxious to see what he'll write. He watches him intently scribble away on the first page. He can see the familiar sloppy handwriting that had come back on so many assignments and tests. And when he's finally done, Galloway caps his pen and closes the book, handing it back to the student with a smile.

"Have a good summer, Peter," he tells him warmly. With a small thank you and goodbye, Pete leaves the classroom. He quickly opens the book once he's out, excited to see what the man had written.

"Such a pleasure in class. Have a good summer! Can't wait to see you come back as the official head boy with so many friends! ~Mr. Galloway"

It's short but really sweet. Galloway had always been one the coolest teachers at Bullworth, even if he was a drunk. He appreciated the message.

Walking out of the main building, Pete decided to take one last lap around campus before he sheltered himself inside his dorm room all summer, seeing as his parents didn't really send any letters saying how they missed him and couldn't wait for him to come home. And not even after a few steps away from the last stair was he met with Russell, the town's biggest – and scariest – junior. He could feel himself tremble at the sight of the bully.

"O-oh. H-hey, Russell," he greets timidly, giving him a nervous smile. The teen just grunts, though a grin spreads across his lips and for a moment, he's terrified he's gonna beat him with his yearbook.

"What that?" he questions with his poor English skills as he points to the book.

"This? Just my yearbook," he replies, acting nonchalant about it with a soft chuckle. Russell extends his hand, motioning his fingers for him to give it over. He's reluctant to do so, but he knows what will happen if he doesn't obey. So with a sick feeling in his gut, he hands the bully his yearbook. He just looks it over before staring at Pete.

"Got pen?" The question stuns him and the expression on his face says it all. Russell starts laughing as the younger teen fumbles to find a spare pen for him to use. He takes it softly from his hand, too, instead of snatching it away like Pete had anticipated. He stands there completely dumbfounded as Russell scribbles away and he wonders what he'll say. He's sure it'll be nothing but broken English and poorly spelled words, but the thought meant so much to him. Russell, the leader of the bully clique, was signing his yearbook, and not stealing it! After a bit of waiting, the junior hands it back with the same grin, but something else in his eyes that he couldn't catch onto.

"Thank you so much, Russell!" he speaks as the book is handed back to him. There's just a soft grunt and he waves, giving him a small wink before walking off. Pete's confused by the action until he looks down at what's been written.

"I'll see you over the summer, Pete. Don't be such a stranger to everyone when the school year starts up again, okay? ~R."

No way. No way did Russell Northrop, the walking caveman himself, sign his yearbook with such beautiful handwriting and perfect spelling. Not to mention how nice he was about all of it. Pete can't keep the smile off his face and he holds the yearbook close to himself. He feels all giddy and if he didn't want to look like anymore of a loser, he would've let out a squeal. But this still perplexed him. Russell wasn't smart – not that anyone knew anyways. Where did this come from? Did he have a sudden epiphany that he wanted to be smart? Or was it all an act?

Either way, he still felt great about it and he made his way around to the side of the school. His trip was cut short when he noticed the whole greaser gang walk his way, though, their newest member grinning at him.

"Pete! I've been looking for you!" He's surprised to hear that someone wanted to see him and without, what he assumed and hoped, malicious intent.

"Hey, Vyv. Hey… everyone else..." He feels nervous when he sees Johnny look him up and down, Lola right by his side with his arm hooked firmly around her waist. "What's uh… what's up?"

"Heard you got a yearbook," Johnny speaks, though his expression doesn't change to a friendly one like Vyvyan's had. "How's 'bout we all sign it for you?"

"Y-you guys really wanna sign my yearbook?" he asks. Peanut nods, a green sharpie in hand. And that's when he notices each of them have a different colored sharpie. He can feel himself smile, especially when he notices a pale pink in Norton's grasp. "Alright! Cool!"

He hands the book over to the closet greaser, Peanut, who's quickly going to work. While this goes on, the others are either look over their friend's shoulder or chatting with him.

"Any big plans for the summer, Petey?" Vance asks, giving him a smile. He just gives him a small shake of his head. This earns him a chuckle. "No plans? Maybe you'll stop by the tenement sometime, then?"

"You'd want me over there with you guys?" he questions. Lefty steps forward, hooking an arm around him with a smile, his free hand going up to mess with his hair.

"Of course! Or else we wouldn't have asked!" he tells him with a laugh, "Any friend of Jimmy's is a friend of ours, anyways."

"Thanks," He feels lucky to know the most popular kid in school now. At least they weren't bullying him like he had expected. And he can't help but smile widely.

It takes a bit for everyone to sign the yearbook and in that time, he's talked with every greaser, even King Johnny and his Queen, Lola. They were actually really pleasant and Lord knows he wishes he could just have an ounce of cool in him like they had. Even if they dressed from another time period. And just like Lefty, Johnny invites him over to the tenement whenever he's bored and wants someone to hang out with. It's nice to feel like he has people to call friends, even if he's never really spent much time with them. And when he's gotten his book back, different colors of goodbye and good luck messages hit him. From Peanut's simple "see you next year" to Norton's "go hang with the gang whenever you're alone." He feels lucky. Ricky and Vyvyan shared the same message, just both signing their names at the end. He even notices Vance's phone number and he can feel the heat rise to his cheeks. The greaser just gives him a wave and a wink as they all walk away from him. He spends a couple minutes rereading the messages the clique had written him and, once again, he holds the book close to him. Maybe he would get rid of his shell and actually text Vance over the summer.

Walking towards the fountain he's stopped by a couple preps. Pinky and Gord stride over, their aquaberry uniforms pristine and spotless. He's worried that they're going to belittle him for being poor, especially with the smirks on their faces.

"And what's this?" Gord speaks, going to snatch the yearbook away from Pete. He just frowns, slowly cowering in on himself. "Ew. You let those poor losers sign this before us?"

Gord scoffs as he looks over the other signatures. The comment replays over and over in his head. Pinky pulls out a pen from her purse, squealing slightly when Gord finishes signing it himself. He's still just as stunned when they're both finished and he takes it back with shaky hands. The two just give him a goodbye as they continue their way to the Harrington House, talking to each other. He's almost too nervous to look, but the cursive writing catches his attention. The messages aren't the friendliest, of course, but it still makes him feel good.

"You're not the most pathetic commoner at this school. ~Gord"

"You're okay. Too bad our social circles aren't the same, or we'd totally hang out over the summer! ~Pinky"

He just smiles nonetheless, going to close his book as he makes his way for the gym. He had a couple things in his locker that weren't meant to stay in there over the summer, but he had procrastinated for so long, just trying to avoid the area. But, seeing as he didn't want to be yelled at by either Dr. Crabblesnitch or Ms. Danvers, he had to visit today.

"Hey! Look who it is!" Ted's voice makes Pete shudder and he looks the jock who's walking towards him, Damon and Juri in tow.

"Yeah, look who it is," Damon repeats, Pete biting his tongue to keep back a mean comment. "What's that you got?"

"U-uh it's nothing," he chuckles softly, going to hide his yearbook. But Juri simply goes to snatch it from his hand, reading over the previous signatures.

"Oh, dude! That the new yearbook?" Ted questions, now taking it from Juri and looking in it. "Sick! I haven't even picked up mine yet!"

"I-it's not that great," Ted rolls his eyes, thumbing through the book, commenting about how great his senior picture came out. Pete stands there awkwardly, watching them look through every page before Damon pulls out a pen. Just like everyone else, they take turns signing it. And when they're done, Juri hands him his book back, ruffling his hair just like Lefty had done.

"See you next year!" he speaks, turning to leave. Damon gives him a noogie, following his friend and Ted gives him a pat on the back.

"Do this school good, 'kay, bro?" he tells him, "Jimmy'll take care of you."

"Yeah, thanks, Ted," He watches the graduate walk away with a small smile. "Good luck in the football career!"

Ted gives him one last thumbs up before he's gone. He feels good inside, like he's finally no longer a ghost at Bullworth. He can't contain his wide grin as he goes into the gym with a pep in his step.

Finally the sun was setting, Pete sitting in his dorm room with his yearbook in his lap. He looked over the signatures he had gotten. Beatrice, Cornelius and Earnest had signed the last page on the front, a couple of the kids had signed as well, along with Eunice, Christy and Angie. Ivan had doodled in the small spaces, and Ethan used a page to draw a few ninjas. Even Michael had decorated a page full of dinosaur stickers. However, even though so many other people had signed his yearbook, he noticed how Jimmy didn't. He didn't even see the ginger! Where had he gone to?

With a soft sigh, Pete lays down in his bed, the yearbook on his dresser. Maybe he could find him tomorrow? He was tired right now and sleep sounded amazing. But as he got close to sleeping, he heard a loud knocking on his door.

"There you are, Pete!" Jimmy bursts through his door, looking around his room. "I heard you had a yearbook. Where is it?"

"On my dresser," he replies tiredly, "Why? Where have you been, anyways?"

"Out," Jimmy goes over to the yearbook and snatches it up with a pleased look on his face as he thumbs through the pages. "Man, look at you! Signatures from so many people! Finally popular, huh, Petey?"

"I guess," He goes to lay back down, watching as Jimmy heads for the door.

"I'm gonna borrow this for a few, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, the ginger's out the door and going to his own room. Pete just groans softly. As much as he liked Jimmy, he wasn't always up for how quick he did everything. But he didn't let it fully get to him as he closes his eyes once more, finally drifting off to sleep. He doesn't even hear Jimmy return a couple hours later, set his yearbook back on the dresser and wish him a goodnight.

The next morning, Pete wakes up fairly early, everyone else still asleep. The first thing he notices is the book sitting where Jimmy had left it and he smiles. Finally a signature from his best friend. But as he searches for a message, he doesn't find one. Instead, on the last couple pages, there are drawings. Portraits of him and Jimmy, along with a small one of Gary. He was still a sore spot for both, but the ginger knew Pete had liked the senior before he went crazy. And he smiles, small tears in his eyes. He had admired Jimmy's art skills, and he felt lucky to forever have his work. It's better than any message.

[nanowrimo]

Camp Pep: Beating Procrastination & Writer’s Block

With this year’s Camp Pep Talks all written by Young Writers Program participants, we’re happy to introduce you all to Hannah. She’s here with us today to offer some encouragement and share a few strategies on overcoming procrastination & writer’s block.

I’m not going to lie, writing is hard. I’m sure we all know that by now. There are so many things that can get in the way of us writers just sitting down and getting those words on the page. The four main ones, at least for me, are procrastination (“But right now I just wanna watch Grey’s Anatomy!”), Writer’s Block (staring at a blank page and wondering “How on earth do I write?” is part of the process), prior responsibilities (work, school, family, etc.), and the need for sleep (coffee might help a little, but in the end you can’t get around this one). 

Besides prior responsibilities and the whole sleep thing, I’ve found ways to fix most of the other things that get in the way of writing. As long as I’m willing to put in the effort. So I’m going to share my tips with you.

1. Procrastination 

The only way to stop procrastinating... is to stop procrastinating. Set a timer if you have to: “In ten minutes I’m going to stop playing video games, and write for an hour.” Sometimes even that doesn’t work. And if it doesn’t, get up, close the tab, open your notebook or document. Often for me, the best way to stop doing what I’m doing that’s preventing me from writing, is to X out of the tab. Something final that would take more than 2 seconds to undo. Do not undo it. Then start writing!

2. Writer’s Block 

Writer’s Block often comes across as something impossible, and that the only thing to do is to wait for inspiration to hit. But that’s not the case. An overall thing that I’ve found helps me, is to plot out the story. I never bother going into much detail, basically just a short sentence per chapter/scene/event. Map out the three acts into chapters so you make sure to get in enough actual plot, instead of just having your inciting incident, a bunch of fluff, and climax.

Plotting doesn’t always solve Writer’s Block. Sometimes it isn’t that you don’t know what happens next, it's that you don’t know how to write what happens next. The question I always ask myself is if I know how to write the next sentence. Can I think of the words of the next sentence? If I can’t, I figure it out, and if so, I write it. Then I repeat until I’ve escaped Writer’s Block, and the words are flowing faster than I can type. 

The last piece of advice I have, is to write what you want to write, when you want to write. As in, if it's 3 AM and you want to write a Lord of the Rings fan fiction, I highly suggest you do so. Even if it's not the thing you wish you were writing, and you never plan on sharing it, you should write it because it will make you a better writer. Every time you write, you become better at it. That’s why even if you think your writing is trash, it has value. And writing when you want to write is especially important. Otherwise, your procrastination causes Writer’s Block and you’re back at square one.

Keep writing, folks.

Hannah is a 16 year old writer who has grown up in the Pacific Northwest. She loves cheese, wearing a neck-tie, the outdoors, fuzzy blankets, and her characters. She is fascinated by architecture of all sorts, from haunted looking second empire houses, to modern designs. She aspires to be a professional author as her career. She is a headstrong pun lover who’s not afraid to fight for what she believes in.

Top photo by Angelina Litvin on Unsplash

[chibisquirt]

You don't have to answer, but if you wouldn't mind. What are some things you've learned about ADHD from Tumblr that are applicable to you, or others you may now? I've been reading more on it and how it manifests in girls/women and was curious when I read your rb on that post about Grammarly

I don’t mind at all!  Fair warning:  this is gonna be LONG.

I’m going to start by repeating something I mentioned in that post:  I was diagnosed in third grade, which was over two decades ago.  I had my diagnosis halfway through elementary school, much less high school and two rounds of college.  So a lot of the old information about ADHD I learned as a young person, and those things are worth exploring, too.  

Example:  It’s not that I’m not listening, Mrs. Nock, it’s just that if I try to keep my hands still, then the only thing I will retain from the lesson will be keep your hands still and not the things you trying to teach, which are supposedly important! 

(Mrs. Nock was the one who said to me, “I believe you believe you’re paying attention.”  Yes, it’s been fifteen years.  Yes, I’m still mad.  If you can’t have basic respect for your students, don’t teach.)

I figured out half on my own, half because of the counselling that if I had a fidget tool that didn’t require words I would pay better attention than if I tried to sit still.  (I still remember being mocked by my dad for fidgeting well after making that discovery, though.  Apparently diagnoses should only inform compassion when they’re his.)  On the same lines, I also figured out that music in the background wouldn’t work for me if it had words, and television is too distracting for me to use at all.  (I have a friend, though, whose ADHD works the opposite way:  he has difficulty focusing if there isn’t a television in the background.  Yes, both are valid.)

So, the Classics:  

I always had trouble with organization and cleaning, had trouble with schedules and calendars and managing my time.  Those are the things they’ll warn you about, the things they’ll tell you in counselling are natural and normal things for people with ADHD to have trouble with.  Trouble paying attention, sure.  Trouble sitting still.  Procrastination.  Got it.

But if you turn those traits around and re-frame them, they become a new set of symptoms.  Adaptations for these new symptoms are more personal and universally applicable in my life, and therefore, to my mind, more useful.

Take Procrastination.  (No really: please take it.)  That just means “putting it off until tomorrow,” and there are lots of reasons to do it:  “don’t have the tool I need” is one of the biggies, “want to conserve steps” trips me up a lot, “I still have time to get to it” is HUGE for me...  But a lot of times, these are just superficial reasons.  The re-framed symptom is, Trouble making yourself do things you don’t want to do.  

ADHD is an executive function disorder.  That’s a phrase I first learned on Tumblr, by the way; it may have been mentioned by one of my earlier counsellors, but it definitely wasn’t taught.  

This is why soooo many of us have struggled with the perception (including self-perception) that we’re lazy!  But no one tells the kid in the wheelchair he’s just lazy for not playing basketball.  (Okay, they totally do.  People are terrible.  Ignore that, stick to the point.)  I reframe this the way I do because acknowledging this as a symptom, taking the blame out of it, makes it easier to find adaptation.

Now, this is a personal post.  YMMV.  But I have an easier time managing my conduct if, instead of calling myself lazy a procrastinator, I say, “I keep not doing that --> oh it’s because I Don’t Wanna --> how can I con myself into doing it?”  (Strategies include bargaining, making it easier, powering through but then allowing yourself to stop afterwards, just acknowledging that I Don’t Wanna and allowing that to be valid...)  Procrastination is an action, but “executive function disorder” is a disease and “I Don’t Wanna” is its trigger, just as much as an allergy and a clump of ragweed are.  “Procrastination” is a powerful sphynx against which I’m helpless, but “I Don’t Wanna Disease” lets me start cultivating my metaphorical catnip and researching the answers to common riddles.

And while we’re talking about procrastination--and trouble with deadlines, and schedules in general--let’s talk about Time Insensitivity.  Missed deadlines and perpetual lateness (perpetual) are external actions, just like procrastination, and they can have all sorts of explanations.  

(Shoutout to Mrs. Pollack, who looked around a classroom containing thirteen-year-old me, and, knowing full well that I was chronically tardy, declared that “anybody who’s always running late, deep down, they just doesn’t care about anybody else’s time.”  Great job with calling the thirteen-year-old a heartless bitch, Mrs. Pollack!  As you can tell, I definitely forgot it very quickly, and didn’t at all have a self-critical breakdown about it, periodically revisiting the question of my own inherent selfishness for years!!!)

But ignoring the external actions, let’s take a compassionate look inside the head again.  Executive function includes regulation of, and awareness of the passing of, time.  Again: you can’t play the basketball with no legs.  We literally do not realize what time is doing.  Sometimes we do--if we devote enough of our attention to it, which may be a large amount for some, a small amount for others, or a variable amount for the same person.  But our brains literally don’t process it the same way.  

But hold on a minute--let’s go back to that analogy.  Because actually, people with no legs can play basketball!  It’s just that you have to use the adaptation of wheelchairs to do it--and that’s an adaptation for the game and for the players.  

I use alarms.  I’ve recently seen a post about audio memos as alarms.  There are people who just slap clocks everywhere.  When I was forced to work in a kitchen with no clocks, I used the multi-setting timer and set it for like four hours so I would know if I was keeping on schedule.  I also chose a job environment where much of my shift is the same as itself, and rigid punctuality isn’t enforced--that’s adapting my environment, instead of myself.  There’s all kinds of adaptations.  But you have to know you have the condition before you can compensate for it.

Here’s a fun little story:  when I was... oh, eleven?  Twelve?  My Quaker Meeting’s youth group (#7 whitest phrase I’ve ever written) went to the museum together.  One of the stops was in the children’s section, there was a... a pegboard, I think?  With some kind of problem on it.  A puzzle.  Me and a couple others sat down at it, and it took me a while, but eventually I solved it, and I looked up.  

I blinked.  “Where is everybody?” I said.

“They left,” said my mom.  “Half an hour ago.”  

I was stunned.  “Half an hour ago?!  But I couldn’t’ve spent more than ten minutes on this!”

“I promise you, it was half an hour.”

“Why didn’t you call me??  Why didn’t you say my name?”

“We did.  Several times.”

To this day, I will swear myself blind that I never heard a thing.

Hyperfocusing.  They’ll tell you about the problems focusing; oh yes.  They’ll tell you allll about that one.  But they won’t tell you about the flip side of it.  They won’t tell you about the times when the rest of the world falls away, and the only two things in the world are you and whatever problem you’re trying to solve.  

D’y’know what, I bet that’s the reason I test well.  I just realized this now, phrasing it like that, but--I’ve always tested well, even when my actual practical applications of things are mediocre I do well with the classroom testing on it.  I scored a 39 on the MCAT, back when it was out of 45 and not whatever it is now.  (To those with the plain good sense not to want to be doctors:  that’s pretty good.)  And I just bet it’s because, once I get focused on solving the problems, the other problems--nerves, intrusive thoughts, anxiety--just don’t have room to get in.  Hyperfocusing can be a superpower, if you can harness it.  

But it can also blind you to everything else.  And it works in smaller ways, too:  once I think I understand something, it is very difficult for me to perceive information that contradicts that understanding.  I still get the map of the Elflands backwards every time I read The Goblin Emperor, just because I pictured it one way, and every indication in the text that it was the other way just fell on deaf ears.  

And this one leads right into the next, which is Rejection Sensitivity Disorder.  RSD is hyperfocus, but it’s hyperfocus on how everyone must hate you.  It’s delightful!  I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, as well, and I do have both of those things, but for my money, I think that this one symptom of ADHD--which no doctor has ever even mentioned to me--has hurt me more than both of those conditions combined.  

The last one I’m going to bring up is Auditory Processing Disorder.  Now, I’ve gone and gotten re-diagnosed twice in my life, and the last time was just a few years ago, so they actually used this one in the test.  The psychologist told me about it, she just didn’t use the phrase Auditory Processing Disorder, and she didn’t tell me that it was its own symptom--she just used it for the test.  

What she did was, she gave me two hearing tests, one to test whether or not I could hear, and then the other a list of words that all sounded alike, and I had to mark which one I was hearing.  The second part of that was very long, and very boring, and despite scoring perfectly on the first test, I got several wrong on the second.  I was actually surprised by that; I at no point suspected I had heard any of them wrong.  When she gave me the test, told me this was proof by contradiction, that we were ruling out hearing loss as an alternative explanation for my difficulties.  It was only after the test was done that she explained that the pattern I showed was actually part of the diagnosis of ADHD; that we get bored, and stop really paying attention, and that we don’t even know we’re doing it.

...Okay, but you couldn’t have mentioned the part where I also do that every day in real life, lady?!?!  It’s not just when we’re bored, it’s not just for long processes.  I do this all the time.  I actually tell people now that “I actually have a neurological condition that makes it hard for me to hear; I can tell that you’re speaking, but I can’t tell what you’re saying.”  

This is 100% true.  It is a neurological condition.  

We label this a condition, but as a society, we don’t treat it that way.  Society treats it as yet another excuse.  It’s not.  You’re not lazy, stupid or crazy.  Neither am I.  

I have a condition.  Acknowledging that is the first step of treatment.  Not five thousand sticky notes, not binders or filing systems or even taking all the doors off the cupboards (although I definitely plan to do that one as soon as I possibly can).  Not counselling sessions with so many different people I can’t even name them all, for the love of god please understand that you can’t just fix it with pills.  

(Although mad props to the people who thought Concerta would magically solve me at the age of nine!  Spoiler alert:  it did not do that!  But it did mean that my parents felt comfortable blaming me for all my failures again, so it did at least some of what it was designed for, I guess. :) )   

I have spent the last few years re-understanding my ADHD it as is:  a neurological condition, a disability, and a simple fact of life.  A starting place, instead of yet more proof of my own inherent insufficiency.  And you know what?  When you take the blame and self-hatred out of the diagnosis--when you stop cursing it as the cause of all your problems and start trying to work with it, instead--it gets a lot easier to manage. 

[pocket-void]

Late night mumbling u///u

It’s currently 3 AM ish and I’ve been kinda thinking about how to feel about stuff. I do that sometimes.

The biggest thing is just what I should do with my time. It always comes back to that, time. There’s never enough hours in the day to do everything, and even when there is it feels like I don’t have the energy to do anything at all. Could be the winter cold, haha. Getting out of bed every morning is something I procrastinate at times, pffft. >\\\<

But I wanna get up. I get up because I wanna do stuff! I haven’t been doing much these days though, mostly because it’s break and I like to be sluggish when it’s break. It’s a good time to rest and all that, and that’s important too! But sometimes it feels a lil too unproductive, y’know? Gets me a lil antsy. I like the feeling of getting work done. u///u I also get really antsy when I feel like I’m disappointing people, as much as I also firmly believe that I’m the only person who needs to be satisfied with what I do at the end of the day. Kind of a natural feeling you know? There’s nothing wrong with it really.

It’s also normal to want people to like the things you do, and worry about the “what if”s if people don’t. It’s something that admittedly bugs me at times, since I like thinking that people like me. (To be fair I doubt there’s anybody who likes being disliked o///o) I get kind of nervous and overthink stuff when it comes to that sometimes. The whole “oh maybe they’ll find me annoying if I do this” or “oh it’s been so long maybe it’ll be awkward if I just go and do this”, that kind of thing. And that kind of concern leaks into the way I go about the things I make at times.

“Should I do this? Will this be ok? Would this be weird?” Sometimes that kind of thing stops me from doing stuff. It’s important to remember to step back and look at the bigger picture. Doing the things that I enjoy should never feel like a responsibility, and I’ve always believed that. At the end of the day, I’m free to just do the things I enjoy, y’know? But I still feel bad sometimes, because I’m really flighty with my interests. I wanna settle down and properly make something; tell a finished story. Even if nobody’s gonna look at it. I just wanna do something and see to it that it’s complete. But I leave behind too many things, and it’s a bit of a bummer no matter what it is really. ú///ù That’s ok though. I can’t do everything, and it’s easier to accept that than attempt to do so anyways. Take it easy.

Not that my mind isn’t always occupied with 3 ideas at once all the time anyways pffft. Currently there are a few topics of interests for me: The game I’ve been playing lately, continuing to draw comics, building a magic system purely for fun, and a whole lotta OC none sense.

I don’t often play games because it feels like a waste of time. But that’s a real bummer way of thinking about it. I don’t regret getting into Fallout New Vegas, but it’s certainly a time consuming endeavor due to the way I’m playing it pffft. And besides, even if I feel a lil bad about investing so much time into it, it’s still fun. As they say, “if it was time you enjoyed wasting, them it wasn’t really a waste of time”.

Believe it or not I still wanna draw the rest of the story for my AU that gets unfortunately interrupted both times I tried to continue it. I’m actually really embarrassed that it keeps happening, but I’ve decided that even if people lose interest in it I’m gonna keep doing it again. I hate to disappoint haha, but I’d say irregular updates are better than none! And either way it started out as a pretty self indulgent idea in the first place, I was really happy people seemed alright with it at the time though. Still makes me happy thinking about it now actually. I don’t regret making it. ^\\\^ (besides it’s actually more complex than its original idea now that I’ve been thinking about it for so long, but that won’t matter until I actually manage to keep going) Knowing me I just need to start, once I have momentum I’m usually pretty good at continuing. o///o

Just for fun I’ve been making up a magic system with a friend! Well it’s mostly me but he decided to shoot some ideas my way and I’m never against that. It’s like a semi Collab now. I started making it because I like magic systems and world building so I decided to make a system that’s basically everything I think is cool, so it’s a loose magic system with a lot of creative possibility and chances to go wild. The world will probably run of fighting game logic so it’s probably going to be really stupid, and that’s good honest fun to me! Seriously though, fighting games have the funniest world building due to fun character design trumping any sort of need for logic. Why do vampires, talking cats, samurais, robots, and whatever else share one world? Because it’s fun, that’s why. Lmaooo- >\\\< (I won’t be that wack since I like having more concrete rules, but just for fun why not just a lil bit...as a treat)

I miss making OCs. I wanna make an actual original story one of these days. I’ve had so many growing up but nowadays not as much. It’s a lot of work! But it makes my heart swell. I love making characters and worlds and watching them come to life. I have a lot of old OCs that make me wonder if I can recycle them all into a proper story, but perhaps that’s a bit ambitious for me right now. I’ve just been having a lot of thoughts because I love my recent OCs and wish to make a story for them. Well, my art could still use a lotta work too, haha. My art journey still has a long road up ahead, but I’m excited to keep going as always. *\\\^

If you’ve actually read all my nonsensical rambling then um, thank you, that’s very sweet that you’d wanna read the odd stuff I say. I never quite know what I’m doing, but I’m honestly just happy if even one person out there likes it. I would rather have people enjoy the stuff I personally enjoy doing than have me try and please others on purpose. You know? I’d like people to like me for me, that’s the greatest blessing I could be given, I’d say.

Anyways, it’s 4 AM now at the time I’ve finished writing this. It feels nice to ramble, even if it’s to nobody in particular. I hope you have a lovely day or night, wherever you are. u///u✨💖