#i have said my whole life i'll kill myself when it all goes to hell

[tatertato]

life series smp winners playlists part 1

okay so i've been just absolutely brainrotting over this for like weeks now and its time to finally post it!

i've basically just been compiling songs that i think fit each of the life series winners, and they're either songs i've seen work really really well in animatics already or songs that would probably work really well, but are less popular or not associated with this fandom (yet)

i'll be linking+listing them here as well as providing little snippets of explanation for why i think the song fits, but i don't feel like making actual spotify playlists or smth, so if anyone else wants to do that, be my guest.

ofc i still had trouble finding good songs for some of them- if anyone seeing this has a good idea that i missed, lmk and i'll update these posts (no promises tho)

i was originally gonna put all of them into one post, but fortunately i have come to my senses, so this is part 1. here we go!

update:

pt 2 (LL!scott)

pt 3 (DL!pearl)

3rd Life: Grian

Eighth Wonder - Lemon Demon: this song gives major Watcher!Grian vibes imo

Extra clever Earth-bound spirit Ghost in the form Of a mongoose (watcher in the form of a player)

Hello, I'm here I'm living in the wall I know I might be small (common headcanons of short grian, also living surrounded by cactus walls!)

Jim, let me go I watch like Hell (self-explanatory)

2. A Big Day for Grimley - AJJ: this one is because of this animatic, and also the lyrics fit the characters almost too well

I went back to the desert, little Midwest in me And now I am colder than I used to be (it feels like him reflecting on his experiences in 3L)

I came back to the desert, and the desert came into me And now there’s a quietness, and it’s deafening (returned to the desert for the final duel, and now that he's the only one left, the absence of his partner is deafening)

i could go on much longer about this song, but i feel like the animatic sums it up really well so GO WATCH THAT GO GO GO

3. Take Me to War - The Crane Wives: i know that everyone and their mother has done desertduo crane wives, but i've yet to see anyone use this song, which is a shame since its one of my favorites!

I've earned myself a reputation That my bark is much worse than my bite But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands With all of my tiny might (technically, he's not red, and also his traps keep failing, so the threats are pretty empty, but that will not stop him from being a menace)

Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists Take me to war Honey, I dare you (same thing as the last one, but i had to put the chorus in this post, it's just too perfect)

So I will leave it where it's standing And instead I will find me a match I'll turn it all to kindling I'll burn it all down to ash (we love a bit of arson in this fandom)

4. Community Gardens - The Scary Jokes: this is watcher!grian again, sorry not sorry- i do have a really vivid image in my head of an animatic for this song tho (the brainrot goes deep, i cannot escape)

Full disclosure, I am a monster A creature of despair, not that that should be a cause for concern (its so watcher coded im gnawing on the walls)

You'll be fine, you honeycomb Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so cold? You'll be fine, oh, honey pie Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so unkind? (ok so remember when i said i had an animatic idea about two sentences ago? ya. so i imagine this part as watcher!grian going through and causing the final deaths of all the winners (except scar we'll get there i promise) for instance, smiting scott at the end of LL, severing pearl's soulmate string in DL, and checking the time left before killing martyn in LimL)

The culmination of man's mistakes came the day The sun ran so hot, it turned the desert to glass (this is the whole "hail mary" thing where they blew up the whole desert and still didn't kill anyone)

If there's something to be learned from all these losers It's that the price that you pay For arrogance and a false sense of immunity Is to face the wrath of a dying star (false sense of immunity is scar's no kill passes, reputation points, etc., which really didn't mean all that much in the end (see: Bdubs))

5. Passerine - The Oh Hellos: aside from the obvious bird symbolism (passerine are songbirds), the overall theme of this song fits the character pretty well! (i think it could also apply to DL jimmy if you squint)

You were the song that I'd always sing You were the light that the fire would bring But I can't shake this feeling that I was only Pushing the spear into your side again (3L typical desert/light/sun/fire imagery, with a bonus helping this time of 3L typical self doubt and/or survivor's guilt! you love to see it)

My palms and fingers still reek of gasoline From throwing fuel to the fire of that Greco-Roman dream Purifying the holy rock to melt the gilded seams It don't bring me relief, no it don't bring me nothing (more arson what can i say- also the hollow existentialism that comes with killing your friends)

When he comes a knocking at my door What am I to do, What am I to do, oh lord (ok i like to imagine this line as grian realizing that scar's SL win means he goes to hang out with the winners now, meaning uhoh reunion time! that's about to be awkward!)

6. Do It All The Time - IDKHBTFM: yeah i know it doesn't seem like it fits at first, but i think parts of it captures the spontaneous silliness of 3L pretty well

No reason why I'm only doing anything I want to do Because I do it all the time We're taking over the world A little victim-less crime (making monopolies (or trying to) really just because)

Now we're so young But we're probably gonna die It's so fun We're so good at selling lies (this one's pretty on the nose, but you get the idea)

and that's all for grian! stay tuned for LL!scott next!

[rosanna-writer]

Fic Writer ask game

Thanks for the tag @whatishowedyouinthedark!

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing For longer fics, I usually start with an outline. It's usually just a bullet point list of events with sub-bullets for random notes about the event (things to make sure get mentioned, scraps of dialogue I'm already thinking will be included, etc), and sometimes I'll write the summary first and throw that at the top of the document. Then I just follow the outline, mostly in order, and decide on chapter breaks as I go based on vibes. I draft pretty slowly because I clean as I go, and for canonverse-fic (especially anything that's first person Feyre POV), I stop to refer to PDF copies of the books pretty frequently to make sure things "match." Then I do a once-over, usually reading aloud, to catch typos and awkward phrasing, and then post!

Are you a plotter or a pantser? I'm a plotter for sure! I like to do all my thinking in the outline, so drafting is a brain-off, "just refer to the notes" type of deal

What do you listen to when you are writing? Nothing! I find it distracting, and I'd pause it all the time to read things out loud anyway.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)? Coffee! I usually try to take myself on a coffee shop writing date once a week.

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written? It's so hard to pick! But I have a soft spot for everything that gives me warm fuzzy feelings because I wrote it specifically with friends in mind, like I Knew You Were Trouble, The Great War, and Love At First Sight's For Suckers <3

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love. with you i serve, with you i fall down, there's just not much of an audience for genfic centered around Mor's frienships (and it's a short drabble). But I think it works really nicely as a missing scene from canon

Do you have any advice for new writers? "Just keep going!!!!" feels like trite, unhelpful advice, but I think it boils down to this: it takes a loooooooong time to get decent at identifying problems in your work and fixing them because that's a skill in and of itself. There will be literal years of feeling like your work is meh but not really knowing why (that sort of "something is off, but idk what" thing), and it's frustrating as hell. All you can do is just keep going and practice until you get past it. Creative writing classes or feedback from a knowledgeable beta (i.e. someone who actually reads in your genre AND knows how to deliver criticism kindly) can speed the process along, but ultimately, the only way out is through.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at? "Atmospheric" writing that whisks you away somewhere else/pieces that feel "dreamy." There are SO many writers I admire who do it well (@bloomingdarkgarden, @thesistersarcheron, @popjunkie42, and @foundress0fnothing have all killed it with the otherworldly fairytale vibes), and I feel like I'm just sitting here writing the Generic Airport Novels of fic lol

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did? Azriel! I've always liked him because a character archetype I adore is Very Sad But Very Sexy Spy. But in we said hello and your eyes look like coming home, I really didn't anticipate how healing having a quietly helpful "loyal attack dog" kind of person in her life would be for Feyre, who has her whole "years being the breadwinner burned me out because no one came through for me" complex at the forefront of her mind in that AU. Rhys combats it in more of a caretaking/mother hen/"let me be soft and spoil you because no one else did" kind of way, which I LOVE, but there's also something about Azriel's love language being a grim "it's handled" that goes so hard.

The Az that exists in my head is more or less the Night Court's Olivia Pope, and I want to write more of him quietly assassinating people/planting evidence/leaking damaging things to the press on the High Lord and High Lady's behalf.

Everyone I mentioned above can consider themselves tagged <3

[chillenby]

I need to talk about the croatian dub of both spiderverses. So here are my unprofessional opinions about everything because I watched both of the movies way too many times in the past 7 months

ITSV

Honestly, I have nothing to complain about. Voice actors nailed it. Maybe Gwen's VA bothers me a bit, but that's only becaus3 I have heard that VA way too many times in way too many differnt media and cartoons. Doesn't mean that the VA's bad, I'm just tired of her voice. Same goes for Miles, but he nails all his lines and some translation for Miles is soo funny that I forgive him everything.

Peter B. Parker has the perfect voice actor and my favorite thing is the line "ubit ću se" (which for my non-croatian speaking friends means 'I'll kill myself'). I didn't expect that and it made me laugh so hard, I sometimes just think about that scene. Anyway, the VA did everything perfect. The comedic moments were comedic, the heartfelt ones were heartfelt and he sounded so fucking done with life.

Also, honerable mentions are Spidernoir and uncle Aaron. VA's did a great job, but not anything too amazing. Translation for when uncle Aaron was dying was so bad that that scene single handedly is inspiaring me to rewritw the whole script for both movies. (I'll never do that, but I already have nickpicked how certain scenes should have been translated)

ATSV

Miles, Gwen and Peter B. Parker have the same VA (I'm not sure about uncle Aaron). Miles' spanish from the croatian VA made me physically cringe, I don't know spanish, but my ego tells me I could have done a better job. Miguel has a great VA, nothing to notible, nothing to complain about, but nothin too amazing.

SPOT is great. (I already said my opinions on a reblog). Spot has a great VA, he sounds like a pathetic loser, but he has a lot of trouble sounding menesing. If the croatian VA told me he would murder my whole family then me, I would just say 'whatever man'. Which is great for the first part of the movie, but for the second part not so much. Also, the VA didn't give it his all at certain scenes. Like 'ja sam stvorio tebe i ti si stvorio mene', great translation ("I created you and you created me), but it sounded very monotone. I should have sounded like 'JA sam stvorio TEBE. I TI si stvorio MENE' a bit more emotion was needed. Also, the echo scene is so sad. He doesn't do the proper echo like 'Jeka, jeka, jeka' it just is 'jeka. jeka. jeka'.

Hobie and Pavitr are amazing characters and the croatian dub did them dirty. I get that they need to have an accent, but it feels like we're giving them a steriotypical accent and making fun of them. Also, the casting was so bad. Hobie should have gotten a deeper voice, but no, he got a avaregly deep voice with some weird accent. Pavitr also has some weird accent and they got his voice wrong. The VA doesn't suit the character. Though, through translation we perfectly managed to capture both of their personalities. Hobie sounds like some city punk and he has the perfect slang (maybe a bit biased since I sometimes use the exact same words as Hobie. Also, it would have been interesting if he got some serbo-croatish words in his vocabulary, since he's from the 70s or something and at that time, Yugoslavia was still a country, but I digress).

Pavitr easily got the best scene ever. In croatia we don't drink chai and we don't call it chai tea, since tea is called čaj (it's simmiliarly pronounced to chai). So instead of just translating that scene they rewrote it. And instead of chai tea we have iced tea. Which is way more relatable and funny to me. Since Pavitr goes 'LEDENI ČAJ!? ČAJ JE BITAN DIO NAŠE KULTURE I TREBA SE PITI TOPLI' ("ICE TEA!? CHAI IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF OUR CULTURE AND IT SHOULD BE DRUNKEN WARM") something like that. I can't remember exactly.

But yes. I think we screwed up the second movies VAs a bit, but the translation is relatevly good. A few translations iritate the hell out of me and I verbally correct them everytime I watch the movies, but never the less, they're great. (Not as great as english translation because we don't have Jason Schwartzman and John Mullany, but never the less they're enjoyable.) I enjoy the croatian translations very much

[shallowseeker]

hi shall!!!! it’s whiskey!!! i wrote this post and wanted to know your thoughts on michael believing in chuck/god so strongly because he had to, and what could’ve possibly swayed him sooner on chuck not being good? (ex: if he had been out of the cage when the it was damaged after amara was released or when jack was born) because i think knowing this information could have, considering he chooses willful ignorance. (or you could go the route that he knew somewhere deep down, but didn’t want to know, and that’s why he flipped so easily on him)

some things rattling in my head that are influencing this:

- when he first met dean, he told him that there is no such thing as free will—yet he goes out of his way to choose adam despite dean being his true vessel and part of god’s plan.

- so no matter what, he would’ve failed (as we learn later in s14…?) because chuck wanted to see a sam and dean in particular fight each other. however he didn’t know any of this. he just was under the impression that he needed to start the apocalypse and kill lucifer.

- he tells adam in 15x08 that he can’t ask the question [of why tfw believes god is playing them] because that means he doubts god—the good son, the favorite. but chuck tells lucifer that he’s his favorite! i’m currently picturing his reaction to this and it’s doing things to me.

- i agree with your post about chuck manipulating people through caring about people. it reminds me of when dean criticized jack for making promises to cas prior to his death in all along the watchtower. i do think this is why michael “went back to god” (because imo his lil speech sounds fake as hell) because he couldn’t bring adam back. so he wanted to be on his side because he thought chuck would.

- - (side note) he said his essence was pulled from their body, which begs into question where ‘away’ is, since it’s clearly not heaven. (this is in regards to chuck telling becky he sent her husband and kids ‘away’ before he did the same to her)

- the whole interaction between him and lucifer in s5. (“we’re brothers, we could just walk off the chessboard,” and michael actually looks like he wants to and says he can’t.)

sorry for this long post, i just genuinely feel like you’re the only one who gets my thoughts about this stuff and wanted to know if it tickles your brain in the same way. i’ve currently got a couple (midam-centric) fics in the works and needed to lose my mind in your inbox lol

hope you’re doing well!!!

Hello again! It seems like I confused myself on your question and smashed several things together, ehehe.

I'll try to add some thoughts on the specific things you pointed out:

michael believing in chuck/god so strongly because he had to, and what could’ve possibly swayed him sooner on chuck not being good?

Hmmm. There are a few things that we saw attenuate his behavior that are fun to consider here:

Adam. He wanted Adam to "be his guide" on Earth, showing an interest in spending time on Earth. It's interesting that his words echo Cas from 9x03: "In any event, I – I do now see how difficult life can be ...I think you'll be great teachers."

Cas. Their interactions are so fun! He fights with him! Sasses him! Cas lures him into a brawl, and then injects him with memories. And Cas is somewhat trustworthy, because instead of smiting Cas or calling him a liar, he sulks and despairs over the information, appealing to Adam for his opinion.

, As above, appealing to Adam about a difficult topic. This shows that Adam is someone he's grown to trust and identify with, and although he's sulky about it, he allows Adam to challenge him on his views (we see that he beats others that do in the past, like Zachariah, mirrored behavior with the AU version of Zacharaiah).

Arguably, the AU Michael also had the potential to turn on Chuck because "fulfilling his destiny" and tearing Lucifer apart "in the skies over Abilene" was so intensely painful and disillusioning that he named himself Destroyer of Worlds and vowed to hop worlds, destroying them until he "caught up to the old man" in order to kill him. Nonetheless, AU Michael had a moment where he longed for connection, soliloquizing to Jack about them being the same in 14x09 and later referring to the moment as "a moment of familial weakness that won't happen again."

////

- when he first met dean, he told him that there is no such thing as free will—yet he goes out of his way to choose adam despite dean being his true vessel and part of god’s plan.

Oh, interesting! You're right. On the one hand, this points to a zealous desperation to fight Lucifer; on the other, he's almost Forcing Destiny (TM) to happen. Is he depressed or desperately searching for some mission in a life that has no inherent/fulfilling meaning?

///

- so no matter what, he would’ve failed (as we learn later in s14…?) because chuck wanted to see a sam and dean in particular fight each other. however he didn’t know any of this. he just was under the impression that he needed to start the apocalypse and kill lucifer.

he tells adam in 15x08 that he can’t ask the question [of why tfw believes god is playing them] because that means he doubts god—

This makes me think about the concept of Heaven and persecution for not just actions but also thought crimes. Anna said something to that effect: We have to take it on faith... Which we're killed if we don't have.

I think this points to that Michael was also not immune to the power structure of Heaven. Of course, we can also take this as he's the originator of it... but somehow I think it spirals back to Chuck's former anger, as Metatron references enjoying Chuck's "former wrath" in 11x20, with this: "There he is. That's the guy I know!"

One might take this in summation with this line in 5x22: "What's this? Another one of God's tests?" ...as just one in a long line of Chuck's endless way of having his subjects and sons prove their love and obligations.

LUCIFER/SAM: We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard.

This almost sounds like A test in a LONG LINE of tests. Hm? That's fairly cruel and would have longterm effects for both of them if so... And yes, we CAN certainly take Michael's action as a sign of "having little free will," but if it's attenuated by a long line of cruel obedience tests from Chuck, combined with Lucifer's long-running history of betrayals and Evil (TM)...

I think it's probably intertwined with a lot more than his simplified company line of Destiny (TM) than even he is willing to admit.

The anxiety/fear re; "one of dad's tests" is of particular interest to me here... Hm.

///

so he wanted to be on his side because he thought chuck would.

Yes, my thinking is mostly indirect, but I quite like the thought! Lucifer's words about Jack, about referencing being "on the winning team." I just thought it was an interesting way to play it that Michael might be interested in the same thing, now that he has something to lose.

///

I dunno how I did answering these for you @jack-deaniels but I hope you found some of this fun!

[propertyoftoru]

Tag game: Get to know me!

Thank you @abiaswreck for the tag! :] 🖤

1. Birthday?

8/11 (me and binnie are birthday twins)

2. Favorite color?

I'll say black but i dont really have a favorite!

3. How tall are you?

5’5 (and 3/4 thank you very much)

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

somewhere around 14 idk i gave up on counting

5. Favorite song?

for skz probably ssick or easy but not skz probably ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights

6. Favorite movie?

oh probably either the scream movies or unironically the twilight movies (theyre my childhood comfort movies)

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who makes me laugh and takes the time to understand me.

8. Do you want children?

I've said no for a really long time but i think if i met the right person and the circumstances were ideal then maybe.

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not really other than a few times of being a stupid teenager nothing serious though. Watching my parents screw up a lot when i was young probably had a lot to do with that.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

oh god i hate socks so much. i only wear them when i have to and not a second longer.

11. Favorite type of music?

this is such a cliché but i really do listen to everything. edm, pop, pop punk, metal, sad songs, happy songs, hell on occasion even a tiny bit of country (only carrie underwood lets not get carried away)

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2! One horizontal and one vertical. Kinda like a half body pillow i guess? idk i have to be hugging something to fall asleep.

13. What position do you sleep in?

im a diagnosed insomniac so really whatever position my body finally passes out in... there's a lot of tossing and turning most nights.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Bright lights (a tv or any sort of light on an appliance) or dead silence i need a fan or rain or SOMETHING.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yeah actually my grandfather used to take me hunting when i was younger. I never actually killed anything but i got pretty good at hitting cans and targets :]

16. Favorite fruit?

ohhhhh either strawberries or blackberries or pineapple... idk i love fruit so much.

17. Are you a good liar?

I can be when I have to be. I hate lying though it always brings drama and negative energy.

18. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T

19. Innie or outie?

Innie

20. Left or right handed?

Both! but I mostly use my right!

21. Favorite food?

Pineapple pizza (fight me Christopher Bang)

22. Favorite foreign food?

Oh my grandmother makes Jag on special occasions and its one of my favorites. Other than that as of recently ive been eating japchae so much i literally have a craving for it like every other day.

23. Are you clean or messy?

sigh. my room? depression disaster area. Everything else in my life? Severe OCD neat freak (im talking labels, sorted by color and size, the whole nine yards)

24. Most used phrase?

buh. it really has no meaning its just a sound i make about 200 times a day. i also swear like a sailor so if not buh then probably cunt or fuck.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on where im going and whos gonna be there. anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Of course, im the funniest and smartest person i know. (on a real note my hyperactive imagination goes crazy so i spend most days rambling to myself about nonsense.)

27. Do you sing to yourself?

All day everyday like im in a fucking musical or something.

28. Are you a good singer?

Eh. ive been told i am but i think i could be decent if i took lessons.

29. Biggest fear?

Sharks/The ocean (its more a fear of the unknown because what the fuck even lives down there)

30. Are you a gossip?

Absolutely not. I learned my lesson in middle/high school that shit brings nothing but bad vibes and negative energy.

31. Long or short hair?

I wish i could say short because my hair drives me crazy most days but i also hate how i look with short hair so long i suppose.

32. Favorite school subject?

English or Criminal Justice/Forensics

33. Extrovert or introvert?

introvert but situational extrovert (ill be extroverted if theres someone more introverted than me solely because i cannot stand awkward tension) not quite an ambivert but somewhere close to one.

34. What make you nervous?

Groups of super outgoing people. I always get too afraid to talk in fear of ruining the flow of conversation or being talked over.

35. Who was your first crush?

idk probably justin bieber or nick jonas

36. How many piercings do you have?

4. Both of my ears and both of my nipples. i want to get my bellybutton done soon though.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

9 but im hoping to work on my leg sleeve again soon.

38. How fast can you run?

Depends on whos chasing me.

39. What color is your hair?

Brown right now. It was half black half blonde but i wanted to focus on getting my hair healthy for a while.

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue/Green/Gray depends on who you ask and the lighting in the room.

41. What makes you angry?

Not much im a pretty calm person but when im playing video games thats a different story.

42. Do you like your name?

No. My father chose it and i dont speak to him.

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

IF i had a kid i would want a boy 100%. As someone whos mother had 3 babies when i was 16/17/18 i can confidently say little girls are the spawns of the devil and little boys are rays of sunshine.

44. What are your strengths?

Mental fortitude and my empathy for others.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I give second (and third and fourth) chances to people that do not deserve it.

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Light gray but i keep lots and lots of blankets around too.

47. What’s the color of your room?

Gray and dark blue.

Tagging for fun! Ignore if you don’t want it do it! Or ignore if you don’t feel comfortable!: @bbyquokka @lino-ppang @alphadisaster @aspenwritesstuff +anyone that wants to do this.

[sunnyie-eve]

15 | Different

Series: Heinous

Paring: Billy Loomis x OFC ! Stu Macher x OFC ! Mickey Altieri x OFC

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: mention of rape

| MASTERLIST |

When they get to hospital, Allison finds Gale and she tells her that Dewey is okay and is getting stitches from his stab wound. He was only okay because he got stabbed through his old tissue scarring from before.

"How's Mickey?" Gale asks.

"Umm, I don't know what they are doing right now. I came straight to find you to know about Dewey." She lets her know.

"I'll find you when he's ready. Go check on Mickey." Gale tells her so she slowly leaves to go find him.

"Allison Elsher." A doctor goes up to her.

"Yes?"

"I haven't been able to contact anyone yesterday but your friend Randy Meeks is still breathing." He tells her and she asks what room he's in. As soon as the doctor tells her and she rushes to the room.

"Randy!" She rushes over to him.

"Al." He quietly says.

"I thought you were dead. They said you wouldn't make it." She cries to him.

"We thought he was too till he got that small heartbeat to go back to normal. I think you interfering a little actually saved his life." The doctor comes in. "His recovery will take time because he did lose a lot of blood." He adds.

"Thank god, you're alive." She squeezes his hand.

"I'll leave you two be." The doctor leaves the room.

"Sid?" Randy gets out

"They have her in surgery... Billy's mom was the killer and so was Lia. His mom shot her in the head but the doctors said Sidney could make it. It's a very slim chance and if she does make it most of her memory will be gone because of the angle the bullet went in" She explains to him.

"And Lia?" He asks squeezing her hand, "I hardly expected her, She seemed too dumb to be one."

"Mrs. Loomis's motive was about Billy dying. And Lia seemed to do it for fun and got to hurt Mickey." Allison slightly lies to him mentally slapping herself for not saying thee whole truth.

"Who all made it?" He asks.

"Gale, Dewey; who got stabbed in the back again, and Mickey; who got shot twice in the shoulder." She lets him know.

"Are you okay." He squeezes her hand again.

"Just a few cuts and bruises but I'll live." She laughs. "I should go let Gale know your okay. I'll be back." She leaves his room. "Gale, Randy is still alive." She runs up to her.

"What?! What room is he?" She asks so Allison tells her and she runs to him while Allison asks where Mickey is and they tell her what room.

"Hey." She walks into his room.

"Thought you decide to turn me in." He chuckles.

"Like you said, I won't. Which I hate part of myself deep down." She walks over to his bed.

"Where were you?" He asks as she sits on the edge of the bed next to him.

"See Gale about Dewey then got told Randy was still alive." She lets him know.

"You opening the driver's door." He nods his head.

"I forgot you recorded that." She whispers.

"I stopped as soon as I saw you get hurt... Don't worry, Allison. I don't plan on going back to kill the three." He groans moving his shoulder.

"So what is your plan now?" She asks him.

"You, that's if you want that. If not just turn me in. I won't be mad. It was my first plan." He looks away from her.

"Mickey, look at me." She tells him so he does.

"I lied for you." She sighs, "Hell, I'm not turning in Billy and Stu when I should. Those calls I always got were them. They showed up and Billy killed his own mother. I'm so fucked up." She laughs at herself.

"So?"

"I picked you so you can tell me what that means for you." She gives him a look and he smiles.

"You still going to keep Billy and Stu a secret?"

"I shouldn't. They scare me a lot more than you do. Oddly I'm more comfortable with you than them. They had done things that you would never do to me." She tells him.

"Like what? If you don't mind me asking." He watches her try not to cry.

"Take advantage of me." She wipes her tears away, "When I wouldn't remember shit. That's why I always made it seem like a big deal when you say remember in a joining way any time you talk about us hooking up."

"Are you saying they raped you?" Mickey starts to get pissed. "If they try coming near you again. I'll try to kill them."

"Well, they hate you so you might need to watch out. They hated seeing you with me." She lets him know.

"Oh great. Two on one is fair."

"I think if they try to come near me... I'll tell on them. Which is odd because I'm not telling on you." She laughs at herself once again, "You really are different you know that."

"What do you mean?" He asks confused.

"I accidentally help them get away with by a stupid question they asked me. Then I purposely help you by not shooting you or telling in you. I had feelings for them but it's why different for you."

"Well, I'm honored and I do promise that I am done just for you. So what now?" He asks her.

"I don't know. I do know I'm dropping out of school. I kinda wanna move to a secluded area to avoid having a different psychotic person wanting me or wanting to kill me." She explains to him.

"Three is enough?" He gives her a look with a smile.

"Yes, three is enough." She nods her head, "Three too much."

"Just keep me around." He smiles.

"Don't push it." She plays with him.

"I'm hurt." He places his hand on his wounds.

"Literally and figuratively or what?" She smiles at him.

"Both." He laughs so she gives him a kiss.

"I'm gonna go see if I can see Dewey now." She gets up leaving the room. When she goes into Dewey's room he sees her and smiles. "Did Gale tell you?"

"Sid's in surgery and might make it but she won't have any memory." He sighs.

"Some good news Randy is okay. He'll been here for some time though." She lets him know.

"That's good to hear after hearing about Sidney's situation." He groans moving some.

Allison stayed around till Randy was released and he ended up moving away again to avoid what happened here too. Sidney was in a coma so her father was keeping an eye on her. Her tests were coming back good but they were still positive that she would have lost quite a few of her memories.

Gale went back to Woodsboro with Dewey to take care of him. Allison had help getting a house in a secluded area of California like she said I wanted. Mickey wanted to actually finish up film at the college so she told him to be careful.

The only people who knew where Allison lived were Dewey, and Randy. She didn't tell Mickey because part of her wanted to be away from him a bit too but at the same time she wanted to see him. She thinks it's because she had told herself she loved him compared to how she's only said she had feelings for Billy and Stu.

As she was working on some emails, her dog started to bark at the door startling her. No one, even the two who knew, would just randomly show up there without calling. Allison grabs her steel baseball bat and slowly walks to her front door and peeks out to see Mickey.

"What the hell! How did you know where I live?" She opens the door.

"Break in, look for files. Sorry but I didn't know your number and Dewey or Randy wouldn't tell me. If she wanted you to know she would have told you..." He comes in.

"How did you get past the first security gate?" She asks him.

"Your code to get in is the date we met." He smiles.

"It's the only thing I can think of people won't know. And I never thought you would find me." She tells him the truth.

"You don't want me around?" He gets upset.

"I do but part of me is scared, Mickey." She explains to him.

"But you know you don't need to be scared of me and you said I scare you less than the other two. I did my killing, I'm done. Now it can just be us." He takes her hands into his. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't miss me." He says so she looks at him.

"I missed you." She wraps her arms around him.

He looks down at her before slowly leaning in to kiss her. "You know how odd it was not having you attended college anymore." He laughs.

"What are you doing here? You still have a year or two to go." She raises an eyebrow.

"I changed my mind and decided to drop out." She shakes her head at him. "You missed me so shut up." He tickles her sides making her giggle.

"Mickey." She tries to get him to stop but he doesn't. "I love you!" She shouts and he stops.

"What?"

"I said I love you. That's what makes your situation difficult. I fell in love with you." She leans up to kiss him.

[the-firebird69]

Is the bus that goes from fort Myers to Tampa gets her at 11:30 a.m. there's a bus that departs at 6:30 p.m. so they can get up there to Comic-Con it's one mile from the bus station and they can get back to fort Myers at 9:00 p.m. and they could not get home it's too late and they might have a trouble getting to the bus station it's kind of far from Charlotte county even when they put in the stop that stop is not close enough and in Sarasota it's not close enough and they're ridiculous it so he has to walk a mile and then a mile and then walk another mile and a mile and still you would still have to stay over in fort Myers to get home and you'd have to rush it Comic-Con not too badly it's about 5 hours and after 3 hours he's had it and Ken too has had it at 2 hours so it's possible but it's a couple hundred bucks he doesn't have to rent a room and go off and buy a ticket by the go on the bus and it's a massive pain in the ass although he's not doing anything else it's $100 he doesn't have to spend and he says it he doesn't have that kind of money or $200 really cuz you have to have food and split a room in fort Myers and then somehow have a taxi take you to the bus if it goes to fort Myers which it doesn't right now and it might cost too much money too so really it might cost both of them right now about $325 together to do the trip and he needs to e-bike so it's ridiculous it's a house arrest it's extortion and we need to stop them

Thor Freya

They closed the bus station and chose to play me for doing it and to blame me and they're really jackasses these people are the worst people I've ever met he made this Yard House idea and it sold like crazy and these guys ruined it and made him stay there and drink and they hated them and people started not going there cuz what they're doing to him and they didn't even pay attention at all try going after people who are saying it and all of them said they heard a voice and they went after Trump and they still are this is a horrible situation this guy is a bum and we need him out the whole world has them down and he's still sitting there smiling like he wants something cuz he was bothering him

Mac daddy

You're a loser you're a liar you have no right to bother me you have no right to my time or my life in any way Trump you're a f****** loser there's some moron who thinks he can and you're getting killed a lot you're dying everyday I hear you die more than once and you get shot in the head once a week that's what you're getting for doing what you're doing congratulations idiot and people have to stop putting pictures of you up all over town on walls and stuff you getting killed for what you did at those spots you're so f****** stupid you can't remember any of it

Zues Hera

And I think I'll set the dumb things but really what I'm doing seems to be an error

Billy h

No shit you imbecile now get out and get out of my laundry shop you f****** f** I'm going to force you out your piece of s*** no we can do anything against you it looks so damn weak you Max are wrong

Mac daddy

Yeah we kind of see it everyone's taking advantage of us pushing us around no but they're attacking that's what they related to this guy's this guy is really awful it's a nightmare so we're going after him everyone sees it now

Macs

We're going after him too he won't leave anyone alone he's a huge idiot the guy needs to be shot 24 hours a day

Shaq

What time people that were too small but other people aren't and they go around shooting you Trump what's wrong with you can't figure it out get the f*** out of that apartment and leave us alone you piece of s***

Bill

No I don't have to I'd rather die than not do it no but I don't see myself dying and he wants to have people put posters up this is where you died here because you're messing with him you died over here cuz you're messing with him he died over here and really it's a different place I died people should do that so I can tell what the hell is going on he says I'll notice it every single person I'm offending is killing me and I can't live here with that and you shouldn't live here you f****** spaz you're so goddamn dumb that's what I get something it might look real stupid to people but I can't get out of here psychologically or physically no it's psychological

Billy h

Then die you swine we're going to kill you permanently this is what we have to do you're a swine you piece of s***

Mac daddy

you under all of our skins we're going to kill you and we're going to make sure you stay dead you're so f****** dumb

Bill will

I'm going to make sure you're out and make sure you stay out

Jet li

We're going to send people there now we can't stand it anymore

..

You're a f****** idiot Trump and you need to die you're so dumb you can't tell your time from what you're doing everyone's telling me what they're doing what's wrong you look at the scans cuz I get the hell out of here just stuck to him like it's some like you know something we don't and you don't you got to go and leave his wife alone you piece of s*** we're out there killing off all your f****** men your whole army cuz you won't leave one guy alone You're pitiful

Bja

I got to have it his power it's not his body and yeah okay it's true though he says it's either my thinking or my soul and you don't have either and you can't get either you're just a stone cold loser and follow something I'm trying to let you strike Lucky strike

Billy h AKA Trump

You've killed us all now you want to make damn sure Trump you f****** loser

Dave

Olympus

[aroace-poly-show]

on that note go listen to glass beach. now. as courtesy i will share my favorite lyrics from each song from the first glass beach album

classic j dies and goes to hell part 1

Til I finally got a decent job And I got a place I'll never own We'll knock some holes into the walls To make it feel more like a home

bedroom community (tw for transphobia and lightly implied sui)

He said you'll never be OK, K, if you don't come to your senses With you everything's the end of the world Melancholia can spread like a virus I'm sure you got it from that stupid girl

No we'll never leave our bedrooms We're a bedroom community

Here it is again, a heart of excitement In the form of a girl who hates her life As she sits alone on the floor of her bedroom Waiting for answers, wasting time

(can you tell this is one of my favorites)

(forever??????? is an instrumental so skipping that one)

bone skull

I'm always making a list of all the people I'd help If I wasn't helpless myself

neon glow (tw for the end of the world i think?? or just bombs)

When the bombs fall, take me with you I'll keep breathing You look so cool in the starlight You look so cool

cold weather (tw for mention of sui)

I loved it way too goddamn much when you told me you don't mind When I keep you up sending Mamegoma Lines You know it's shit like that that makes me wanna be alive

'Cause it took six sad months to realize I didn't miss the cold weather, I just missed you, and I didn't miss the sweater weather, I just missed you

So I'll call in sick again just to spend the day with you

calico

literally the whole song cause it's short but especially the last lines of "you're not gonna leave him alone"

glass beach (tw for like implied abuse and light mentions of sui kinda)

this is probably my favorite of all of them second only to planeterium cause that one is funky but yeah i have a lot of lyrics for this one

Another sleepless night To laugh about the times we tried to die With heavy eyes I'll stay awake with you And we'll keep us alive When the morning comes

In here You'll be OK And when your heart breaks I'll be beside you

No one who loves you should make you feel so unsafe No, no one who loves you should make you feel alone

I'll sleep on a million couches If we have to, to keep us both safe

Tonight When they close their eyes Look up to the sky And climb up the moonlight It's ours The moon and the stars They'll forget who we were And we'll be together again

(blood rivers is also an instrumental)

dallas

You were the part of the picture I can't recall You were part of the skyline I felt so small You were the part of the picture I can't recall

( (rat castle) is mostly another instrumental and only says "these days i don't know what to do, these days i don't know what to do with you" so that would be my default fave jdfhskjd)

planetarium

I would like to explain everything The words won't come out right I would like to ignore the lock on the door The words won't come out right

soft!!!!!! (tw for dysphoria i think)

Time goes by And nothing's changing But I stay here And I stay waiting All the time I'm out of my mind

yoshi's island (tw for transphobia and dysphoria but it ends nicely i swear)

this is literally just a fucking trans song. i'm not interpreting this as some song that maybe could be representing a trans girl the girl is literally taking estrogen there is literally a lyric "i won't say 'she' even though i know you want me to" it's a trans song and i love it so much

I can't take the pressure Yeah, everybody thinks that you just need to grow up I know it's hard, it's fucking impossible Tryna make sense of the things that you feel now

I won't say "she" even though I know you want me to I know that it's hard but I swear I still love you

Write the things you think when you're out of your body Run yourself out of words to say you're hopelessly lonely

Does it hurt to say you love her like a son? The world could kill her just cause she can't fit in right

You take spiro and estro from Vanuatu You say you won't think about nothing but loving you We're sleeping harbor seals on the seaside of Malibu OK I won't think about nothing but loving you

orchids (tw again for bombs/end of the world)

From up above the moon She's bathed in burning neon lights As the starlight just fades out There's no tears no celebration

they have other songs but this is my favorite album :)

go listen to glass beach. now.

[doebt]

earlier i was like. i’d kms this second if it wasn’t so inconvenient ... so i napped for 3 hrs and dreamt about it instead

[barcaavengers]

Weakness || Bucky Barnes Imagine || Pt. 1

Note: I just had to jump in the Bucky Barnes train after watching TFATWS and with Sebastian looking like that it gave me much needed muse to get back into writing. So Here it is! I feel like this is fast paced but I'm already working on the second part. Let's see how this goes. This goes from Episode 3 and transitions to Episode 4 at the end so consider some spoilers? As always, let me know your thoughts and I'm open to ideas!

Disclaimer: Gif not mine.

The idea of going to see Zemo to get any leads wasn't something you were particularly fond of when Bucky decided to go in there by himself. Yes, you trusted the soldier, but it was Zemo who you didn't trust. He was responsible for the break up of the Avengers. If it wouldn't have been for those events you would have all been together to defeat Thanos.

Your combat skills were what gave you the spot in the Avengers. You didn't have a serum, or superpowers, no tech to give you advantage, you were just really good with guns, strategies and tactics, learned to think outside the box.

You know everything is about to go to hell when Bucky takes you and Sam to a warehouse filled with cars and starts talking about breaking Zemo out of jail.

"Do you remember what that man did to all of us? To you? To T'Chaka?" You ask between Bucky and Sam who were looking at each other, that was until the squeak of the warehouse house doors interrupted. The three of you turn to look as a shadow got closer until…

"What the hell?! You said it was hypothetical! What is he doing out, Barnes!?" You snarl and take two quick steps towards Zemo.

"We need him, Y/N!" Bucky blocks your path.

"You are going back to prison!" Sam shouts, Bucky putting his hand on Sam's chest.

"If I may…"

"No!" The three of you shout, looking at Zemo before turning to each other.

"It's the only way! We can't do this alone!" Bucky states. "When Steve refused to sign the Sokovia Accords, you two backed him. You broke the law and stuck your neck out for me… I'm asking you to do it again."

"This is different! It was to protect you from him but now you are asking us to work with his ass after everything?" You question. You would do it in a heart beat because he was asking for it, but the thought of being crossed by someone like Zemo was what had you on edge.

Sam only sighed and you knew, yet again, he would go through with Bucky's plan. "Okay. If we do this, you won't make a move without our permission…" Sam says and your eyes close as you let out a huff.

You are all walking down the bridge once you get escorted to the city of Madripoor, Low Town specifically. "You need to stay in character, no matter what happens" Zemo says.

"The assistant, shouldn't be that hard" you say with a roll of your eyes.

"Anyone would love such role, Y/N. I would prefer if your dislike didn't show when we get there" he says. "It is the only way to explain why we brought a lady along to such dangerous business."

"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, but thanks for your concern. That's sweet coming from someone like you" you say and you can spot Zemo smiling from your spot behind him.

"You okay?" Bucky asks once he falls behind you, looking at the surroundings and taking everything in.

"I'm not thrilled about this, but I guess we have no choice" you say as you look around, then your eyes fall on his frame. "What about you?"

"I don't know anymore…" he says before you all get inside the club.

Everyone fell silent when Bucky walked in, watching him, wondering if it really was the Winter Soldier. You have never been in the same space with Bucky in public, so the whispers and the looks had you feeling a kind of way, almost defensive, but you had to keep your role and give smiles to strangers while you walked with Zemo with your arms linked. You look around the place, leaning against the counter, hiding back a smirk as Sam drinks whatever the hell they just put in on his 'usual' drink.

"Zemo might not be welcomed here, but his assistant can stay as long as she wants" a man says into your ear and you are quick to move away.

"Excuse me?" You eye the man on your side.

"What's your name pretty face? I can get you a better job than being an assistant" the man reaches to push your hair away from your face, letting his hand linger on your shoulder and your body tenses. Sam meets your eyes and slowly shakes his head, knowing you were about to break character and beat the hell out of this man. Zemo noticed, but kept a neutral expression.

"If he doesn't take his hand off you…" You hear Bucky murmur under his breath. You gesture with your hand at him carefully to not give anything up, just raising two fingers towards him.

"Who says I want a better job?" You smirk and reach for your drink, sipping on it on one go.

Zemo turns to look at Bucky, and you have heard the words Winter Soldier in Romanian enough times to know them, so when Zemo speaks them and Bucky nods, your heart stops. He is swift in his moves and in a blur he is gripping and twisting the hand of the man that was bothering you. He looks back at you as he shoves the man away, your eyes meet for a moment before it all starts. Men from left and right start throwing themselves to him, like if they stood a chance against the Winter Soldier. Seeing him like this sent chills down your spine. Quick, agile, ruthless. His moves were so calculated, so life ending. The Winter Soldier might be gone but his skills and moves were there alright, you only hoped it was just that.

"It didn't take much for him to fall back into form" Zemo says on your side almost as if he read your thoughts.

"Make it stop, Zemo or I swear I'll jump in the fight…" you snarl.

"Stay in character or the whole place will be upon us" Zemo says and you let out a huff. "Your soldier will be fine. It's all part of the show…"

"He is not my soldier…" your eyes couldn't get away from Bucky, who now had a man pinned on the table and that's when you hear the clicking of a gun.

Things take a bad turn real quick. Sam got caught in his character thanks to a phone call. Selby got killed and now there was a bounty for her killers who were apparently the four of you, then Sharon saved your assess and took you to her place. You were getting ready for the party, something comfortable to fight should it be needed. Bucky leans against the bathroom frame while you curl your hair, "You know that will go away soon though, right? When you pick on the next fight."

"If it lasts me two minutes it would be worth it" you say with a smirk as you look at him through the mirror, placing the iron on the counter you turn to look at him, he offers you a weak smile. "Well you look handsome" you say as you eye him. The black suit looked so good on him, and it just made his blue eyes stand out.

"You look... beautiful" he blinks as he eyes you, his hands falling into his pockets.

"Well thank you" your cheeks flush. After a few seconds, your gaze softens when you feel he is...off. "Are you okay, Buck? I know that what you did back there..." you trail off.

"I'm fine. Its just… I'm still processing..." he shrugs.

"You shouldn't have gone through with the plan. We could've found another way…"

"We didn't have time to find another way. Zemo knew that way would give us the information we needed" he says.

"I still don't like that he is using you like this..." you say with a frown.

He remains silent for a moment, wetting his lips before speaking. "Y/N, I know we-"

"You two done?" Sam interrupts and James takes an annoyed intake of breath, your gaze drops.

"Yeah" James walks away without a look back and you chew on your lower lip.

"Did I interrupt something?" Sam says with a smug smile.

"Get out" You walk out of the bathroom and Sam throws his arm around you, laughing.

"You two were having a moment there, weren't you?" Sam teases as you walk, poking on your shoulder. "Listen, you gotta do this smoothly. He is all rusty. He hasn't had a date in like 70 years."

"He probably wants to be by himself to finish that notebook, and right now nothing can distract us" you frown.

"You distract each other already" Sam says between laughs. "One of you will be in danger and the other will run and save the other."

"That's what I mean. Zemo said it earlier, the Winter Soldier has a reputation. If he has to keep playing the part, I'll be trying to stop him even more than I already do. I can't blow off the mission because of whatever this is..."

"Alright, you got a point, but talk to him, alright? If you want, take him out of the party and work it out" Sam pats your back as you walk out to the living room area.

"Looking sharp, Y/N" Sharon says with a grin once you come out and you twirl with a laugh. "Enjoy the party. Stay out of trouble, I'll see what I can find."

"Shall we then?" Zemo asks, holding his arm out to you.

"Let's go" you link your arm with his, just to play along. After this time with Zemo you figured out you might as well enjoy yourself, there was still a long way ahead before getting rid of him again. He didn't seem so bad since he broke out, you still didn't trust him though.

Once at the party, you stick around with Zemo. Sam and Bucky are somewhere around the lounge surveying the place, you all still had a bounty on your heads anyway. Meanwhile you are with Zemo, who was making some moves that had you giggling and laughing. He took your hand and started going around you before letting go and you grin. "Should've known you were this fun I would've helped breaking you out" you tease over the music.

"Didn't had a chance" Zemo says and smiles as he claps while letting the music move him. He eyes something behind you before looking back at you. "Your soldier can't seem to stop looking at you" you want to turn around, but you decided against it.

"He is not my soldier…" you say. "He is just watching out for us. We have prices on our heads remember?" You tap your head as you say the words. "And you have him acting as our bodyguard."

"I know your hatred was fueled when I had him act in such way, and I do apologize for such plan but it was the only way" he says. "You would know if you understood how things realistically move" he says.

"Apology accepted" you say. Zemo takes your hand and twirls you, and you catch a glimpse of Bucky walking towards the two of you.

"I believe we have company" Zemo says into your ear. "You know where to find me" he says and walks out and into the crowd with his own, awkward dancing pace. You giggle at it before turning around and finding Bucky close.

His shoulders were tense under that black suit that made him look so good, and his scowl was too obvious. "Having fun with Zemo?" He asks, everyone around you was moving to the music, except him who only looked to where Zemo had disappeared to, his tongue poking in annoyance at his cheek.

"Just wanted to get to know him a bit more. Is not an everyday thing we hang with a Most Wanted prisoner" you say with a shrug. "Who you broke out of jail may I add."

"I didn't do anything" he says and his gaze averts from yours.

"For being one hundred and six you are an awful liar, Buck" you smirk, but he doesn't say anything. His hands are tucked in his pockets, eyeing everything but you. "Relax. Enjoy the music."

"This isn't my type of music" he says coldly and looks around the place once again.

"Fine…" you stop on your moves. Might as well take Sam's suggestion, plus you could see this scenario and the music was too much for him. "Come on, let's go back upstairs and talk" you hold your hand out for him and he looks at it, he hesitates before his glove covered hand wraps around yours and you lead the way.

"I told you, I'll be fine" he sighs as he sits down on the couch, you sit right beside him.

"Bullshit, Barnes" you say as you drop down. "When you were fighting those people…"

"It was just an act…I'm not a killer anymore..."

"I know, Buck" you reach to put your hand on his knee, which he eyes before looking at you. "But you didn't go to therapy to get over this only to be pulled again for a show. This isn't right."

"I'm okay, I promise…" he trails off. "I'm just getting used to all of this" his hand covers yours, sending electricity through your nerves.

"I promised Steve I would look out for you to not do anything stupid," you smile at him "I am not a super soldier or have any powers, but if I can help. I will do what I can…" you admit to him. His blue eyes look into yours and your heart stops it's beating for a second.

You hold his gaze and shift your position on the couch, your leg was already falling asleep since it was under you. "I-" he pauses and you can see his mind wondering, thinking, calculating. Sam was right, you could almost see the gears turning.

"Talk to me. I know you have something to say" you smirk.

"I guess that what I'm trying to say is, I am glad that you are with me in this mission even after everything-"

"Don't. Please…" you were sure he was going to bring up that one time where Sam, Steve and Natasha, as well as yourself, were attacked by him while trying to get a hold of Hydra. It was the first time you had seen him, you didn't know him, but you feared him. You are a mere human and he is a super soldier, the most dangerous soldier for the past years. He had tried to kill you back then one way or another, guns, knives, grenades, but somehow you survived.

Then you met him when Cap and Sam went after him, seeing him act like a normal person triggered something in you. How could someone like him turn into someone so dangerous? The time you spent watching after him, and fighting alongside the team had warmed your heart towards him to the point you admitted to yourself you caught feelings for him. How could you not? You were the only person to go to Wakanda to see him after he was freed, and it will be an understatement that you cried your eyes out when he told you the words. That was when the two of you started having a connection.

"You okay?" His voice echoes and you realize you had zoned out.

"Yeah. Sorry I was just thinking of…" he eyes you curiously, those steel blue eyes had you going weak. You inch closer and you feel him move, his head siding in a way that all you had to do was… "I'm so sorry for this, Buck-"

"What are you apolog-" and your lips muffle his words when you press them against his. You hated this. Losing your control the second you are alone with him. This wasn't right, but it felt unbelievably nice. His lips don't move, so to save yourself more embarrassment you pull away and duck your head to avoid his gaze, hoping that your hair is covering the redness of your cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that…" you pull your hand away from under his, daring to look up at him. "We should go back to the-"

This time, he interrupts you. His flesh hand moving in a blur to the back of your head to bring you in for another kiss. His lips were rough on yours even when they parted slowly, but what did you expect? For him to be the womanizer Steve once told you he was? That now that he was free he would be kissing any girl? You let out a sigh of relief through your nostrils before pulling away.

"Did I do something wrong?" His eyes were soft with worry as he tried to meet yours.

"No. Gosh no" you bite your lip. "Don't apologize...I just lost myself there…" you giggle and he smiles weakly. You move forward again but stop, looking into his hues for approval before you lean in again slowly and his lips capture yours. He dares to part his lips and you tilt your head slightly, so does his, deepening the kiss only slightly.

"Y/N? Are you- Sweet Jesus!" Sam voices echoes through your ears and Bucky quickly pushes you away lightly, but enough to have you away from him.

"Sam. I-" You try to explain.

"Nuh-uh. I saw enough to know what was going on."

"Any leads?" Bucky asks, trying to divert the attention, standing up now.

"Sharon found him" Sam says. "Let's go, and no PDA while I'm around, okay?"

"When all of this is over-" Bucky starts as you two walk down the containers, Sam, Sharon and Zemo a few feet ahead.

"I shouldn't have done that" you insist. "My timing was off.."

"You make it sound like it was wrong when it wasn't" he pulls out his gun and so do you.

"It was" you nod your head as you walk. He reaches for your hand, looks at the group in front of you before he pulls you to the side behind a container, your body between the two.

"I have wanted what happened more than you know" he is soft in his words and his eyes divert to your lips for a moment. "I just...I have a past, Y/N..."

"A past you are free from now, Bucky" you point out. "You are not The Winter Soldier anymore. You have grown from that ever since Wakanda…" you assure him. "I'm not even asking you to accept it to start something because I know its way too soon-"

"You don't understand" he slowly backs away from you.

"You don't trust yourself entirely yet, do you?" His eyes avoiding your gaze made you frown. "I knew that this would have consequences. I'm going to talk to Zemo."

"Y/N, wait" he catches your arm as you turn and he brings you close. "We can't trust Zemo. You know that…" he says. "I am not sure how to explain it, but-"

That's when it hit you. "You don't want him to know we are each other's weakness…" you voice and his head nods slowly as he swallows.

"That's why we need to sort this out, but later, not during this…"

"Y/N?" Sam calls out and you frown.

"On it!" You whisper shout back.

"Be careful. I'll go in with Sam…You stay with Sharon…" he says and your head nods.

*****

"Walker I swear if you don't shut up I'll make you swallow that shield" your arms were crossed, leaning against the wall behind Bucky who was guarding the stairs. Zemo was cuffed, Sam was inside talking with Karli, Walker and Hoskins had found their way to you and now were here.

"Easy there. I'm just worried about your partner being in there by himself" he says and you notice the glare the Sargeant gives him.

"You have been messing this whole operation the moment you got here" you spat.

"Aren't you worried about Sam back there?"

"He can handle himself. He is doing what is right, unlike others" you eye him up and down and his whole face darkens, taking a step forward and you take a defiant one as well.

"Think carefully what you will do next, Walker" Bucky puts his hand on his chest.

"Let him. I can kick his ass and take that shield off his hands in a heartbeat…" you hiss.

"This is all easy for you, isn't it? All that serum rushin' through your veins. You let your partner in there with a Super Soldier, that blood will be on your hands if things get dirty in there…" Walker says to Bucky. How dare he!?

For a moment, you ponder on his words and you can't stand the thought of Sam being in there getting beaten by Super Soldiers while Walker could be right. You didn't want him to be. What if they took him? What if…?

"Buck…" you put your hand on his bicep and he looks at you, knowing very well what you wanted to do.

Of course, Walker wasn't very good with entrances since he literally waltzed in calling Karli and saying she was under arrest. Super Soldiers showed up everywhere and your eyes widened. Karli pushes Walker and then storms off running.

"Karli!" You call and look at Sam.

"Go! We got this!"

Your head nods, eyes shift to look at Bucky who was fighting a Super Soldier off before you storm to the direction Karli headed to. You see her walking down the corridor, not too far from you. "Karli, wait! This is not what it looks like!" Karli says and she stops in her tracks, looking back at you.

"It is exactly what it looks like! You are working for Captain America!"

"What? No! We hate the guy!" You admit bluntly, honesty can get you places after all, and at least she stopped. "We just want to work this out. There has to be a better way to fight for what you want, Karli…" you say and get closer.

"Yeah. There is...But first, you will help us deliver a message before we trust you again" your head tilts to the side curiously when you feel arms around you and you feel a pinch on your neck. Your eyelids feel heavy all of a sudden until you can't hold them open any longer.

-Bucky's POV-

After fighting some of the Flag Smashers off he meets with Sam, Walker and Hoskins in the middle of the building.

"We lost them" Hoskins says as he looked around.

"You made us loose them! I had everything under control until you stepped in!" Sam complained.

"Where is Y/N?" Bucky asks as he looks around.

"She went after Karli. I haven't seen her since..." Sam says, his phone goes off and Bucky is quick to move close to him as he opens the message. "They got Y/N…" Sam's brown eyes shift to look at Bucky who was clenching his jaw yet his eyes showed how worried he was, and mad for letting you go after Karli alone.

"That's it." Bucky turns on his heels and started walking the other direction.

"Bucky!" Sam calls but it didn't get the man's attention. "Bucky!"

[aquamoonchaii]

CHEERS TO US >> JUYEON

⍣ genre: fluff; slice of life; comfort!au

⍣ warnings: none

⍣ pairing: juyeon x reader

⍣ word count: 2.7k

⍣ collab: This is for the collab Summer Love - The Boyz from lovie @bangchan-fairy

⍣ charlie’s notes: juyeon is here! i did a comfort au so you guys can read it to feel better always uwu, this lovely banner was made by the precious @halliney

⍣ summary: juyeon needs to talk to someone, you appear with a glass of wine ready to make his life a little better.

This was his second night in this bar, he would never have expected himself to be alone in a small town drinking beer with snacks on a friday night. But he was desperate and he had to do something, his mind needed to relax.

He has a beer in his hand as he smiles back at the pretty ladies that pass by his table and look at him with desire and interest. JuYeon likes the attention but turns down any invitation to go to another table or even to hotel rooms, he already has a target and is not interested in anyone else.

At least tonight.

Because his target is special, he wouldn't be able to talk about this to the other girls.

Usually summer vacations are all about relaxing after the hard work of a whole year, thinking about all the goals he has reached and the new goals he wants to set for himself. But not this time, he gulps down all the beer and sighs.

JuYeon feels trapped in some kind of existential crisis thinking about if what he is doing is correct and if his life is turning out the way he wanted. Usual stuff that makes young people think a lot.

He is just here waiting for the girl that said would be here around the same time as yesterday, where she literally just came to take care of a drunk friend who was heartbroken. He wasn’t heartbroken but her words certainly had some healing effect on him and he seemed really anxious to talk to her or...

...to anyone really. He is used to being the one who is reliable and the man all his friends go to have some type of advice or comforting words. And being him the friend in need? Hell no.

The irony on him not being able to ask for help or even having the strenght to let out all his weak thoughts is stupid and makes him smile bitterly against his beer. He wonders what the hell he is actually doing here, maybe he is desperate for some comforting words coming from a wise stranger.

“Are you really drowning in alcohol for a woman that cheated on you, idiot?” It was late and the only thing he could hear was the voice of the girl that just entered the bar, she waved at the bartender and he finally noticed the loud sobbing of the wasted man that was two tables apart from him, his whining was part of the whole mood of the bar so JuYeon didn’t even pay attention to the scandal, his own problems were loud enough in his head. He turned his attention to them when the crazy wasted man hiccups and finally shuts up, not even the bartender or the other drunken friends of his could do it. The scene was pretty unforgettable: a tall strong drunk man that was pretty aggressive when someone asked him to lower his voice while sitting down holding a glass of vodka is now hugging the waist of the woman that just called him an idiot. But your next words made his mind explode, he wonders if he is as drunk as the crying guy there.

“If you want to scream, do it to let go, cheer yourself up and move on, don’t just drink and act like an asshole with people.”

Random but effective words. He expects her to mock the man there, instead she hugs him back and pets his hair and talks with a gentle voice but it also sounded strong. JuYeon found her words weird and comforting even if they weren't directed to him or even to anyone to hear he was just close to them and it was pretty late so there was little noise and he could eavesdrop. “Let’s go, you can cry at my house. I won’t look, I promise~ Then we will be sober, you are going to write down all your happy feelings, smile at them and that’s it. The other paper with all the bad feelings is going to be burnt and we are going to kick ass, ok?”

She didn’t make a fuss of it, the woman just petted his friend’s hair until he calmed down and probably passed out when the bartender came to her. “Y/N! You are the drunk whisperer, that was awesome! Why don’t we put him to bed, he can stay the night up in my room and you have some snacks here? I haven’t seen you in weeks!”

“I would love to have a snack from my favorite bartender but the taxi is waiting for me to let my drunk one at home, I promise I will come tomorrow at this exact time. I’ll eat like crazy I promise!”

JuYeon came here at the exact same hour.

He isn’t sure why he came because he didn’t know anyone or had planned anything really, he just hopes you read his mind and approach him to talk about your weird speech that made him feel good for no reason. Or something like that at least.

So when you appear, he notices something.

He is completely sober tonight and doesn’t know what to do to approach you. You are a pretty woman indeed but you intimidate him for some awkward reason. He feels like an idiot but it feels like you are going to read him like a book after looking him in the eyes. So JuYeon stands up and goes to the restroom to gain courage, he will do what he knows best: being a charming perfect boy.

A bit of flirting, maybe a date. That’s all he needs to have a little conversation with you.

"Jacob, can you please stop staring at the random guy? Is he that good looking? Your eyes are glued to him." You laugh as you eat the snacks your friend put on the bar for you to eat as you chat about a whole month of not seeing each other.

"Dude, this guy comes and kills all the ladies. But he is looking at your way too much, I own this place~ He wants something and I will not offer you as a tribute." Jacob follows the tall man's steps with his gaze, he stops when he sees his figure disappear in the restroom. His face is recognizable because well, he is quite handsome for the girls that asked a lot for him that came only yesterday and Jacob just said he is a regular to gain a few more female clients. Actually, he never saw him before and it's a big no for you to even look at his direction.

"Ok but stop staring and what makes you think I'll agree to something? I just want to have this awesome glass of wine as I talk to you about our Sunwoo and his broken heart." He laughs as he wipes the glasses that were recently washed. "I want to slap some sense back to him."

"He needs some time. Let's just be patient with his wailing at least this week, he needs to let it all out." There is this untold secret that only Jacob knows too: your feelings for the guy you took home drunk last night were strong and you decided to let Sunwoo go so your heart was also healing, it was a slow and silent process that was shut by a glass of bitter wine. You would always drink a glass of wine when your feelings were out of control as Sunwoo falls hard and easily and suffers too because of girls.

"Is this your last glass of wine?"

"Of the bitter one, yes. My heart and my liver are all good now, I'll take sweeter things this time." Jacob smiles and nods, he understands and pats your head. A client comes in and he excuses himself to go attend them.

"Is this seat taken?" JuYeon asks and when you look at him, he shows his biggest smile. You pat the seat next to him. "My ego usually needs an extra seat but I guess you can take it." He seems taken aback for the quick answer but he quickly smirks triumphantly and sits next to you. You've met him before but apparently he doesn't remember you.

"May I offer you a drink?"

"No, because this is my last glass of alcohol but we can share snacks as you seem lonely." JuYeon must feel like a champ because he sticks his tongue out sexily and nods, grabbing a toothpick that holds a little cube of cheese on your plate and eats it. "You don't remember me?"

"Is that a pick up line? Because I'm trying to think of one that will make you swoon."

"So you don't." You see JuYeon’s mind wandering at your smirk and trying to read something in your eyes.

It was indeed unexpected a target to flirt back or to be this mysterious because- Wait.

Holy crap.

You caress SunWoo's hair as he blacks out completely on his bed. Of course you feel bad for him, you treasure him a lot but your heart is finally at peace, you’ll be there to pick up the pieces of his oftenly broken heart but yours who used to suffer in silence is okay now. You let him go just as you kept your crush on him. In a blissful secret.

"I'll be right here for you. And I'm voicing out this because it's over and you are half-dead. I liked you so much it's crazy how I could keep it to myself. My crush on you is over and it was beautiful for me and our friendship stays strong as always." You smile at his passed out figure and make him company until his cousin appears to take care of him and calls a taxi for you. The taxi will wait for you in the convenience store as you wanted to buy some things, it’s pretty late but this small town is safe, or at least this neighborhood is.

"I'll have these cereal boxes and these snacks please."

"Is SunWoo still sad for that bad ex- girlfriend? He used to come here and buy her favorite snacks all happily until yesterday when he just bought beers with swollen eyes. We talked for a bit as his first question was why women were so unfaithful."

"Oh really? He came crying? Oh dear, this guy… Yeah, he is a sad single person now. Hopefully, he will cheer up quickly as always. He is now half-dead so he won’t feel any pain." The old lady who attends there knows you because you hang out a lot with Sunwoo and Jacob who lives nearby too. She nods and laughs until he stares over your shoulder.

"Me! Me! I want snacks too! I'm lonely, we can share them!" A man behind you makes you startle with his loud voice as you are paying your stuff, you turn around and find the cute man you saw at Jacob's bar. He is more than tipsy, his cheeks are red and he has droopy eyelids. "I heard you talk to the crybaby~ Talk to me too!"

"Young man, you are drunk. Go to your house!" The lady explains she saw him coming with luggage and he is staying at the house in front of your sad friend. He is pretty quiet and always arrives at the store early with hangovers asking for ramen, she points out he is indeed a gentleman and he must be here for summer vacations so party nights must be his thing or something.

"I'm not a young man, I'm JuYeon sweet lady. I wonder where my money went, my whole wallet disappeared just like my motivation to do stuff." He huffs and you laugh sharing one of your snacks. “Is this for me? You are so sweet, can you be my life mentor? I’ll treat you well I swear!” The store lady laughs at the cute behavior the drunk handsome man has and hushes you as she sees your taxi at the entry. “Wait! Don’t go, I’m trying to propose, drunk whisperer!”

JuYeon’s seductive mood dissipates with the beer foam in his glass. He wonders how the blackout and don’t remembering a single thing after getting drunk should have its negative side. Like this moment, he feels so embarrassed but of course, his stoic face remains the same.

“Oh God, this is so embarrassing. I can’t even pretend I don’t remember stealing your snack, can I?” You shake your head and clink your glass of wine with his glass of beer. “Well, I guess I should use my drunk self to start a conversation.”

And he did, JuYeon initially tried to start a casual little conversation to ask about you and stuff but he ended up spilling about why he is in a small town searching for some peace but apparently it’s his mind the chaotic one instead of the city and its loudness. When he started speaking about it, there’s this feeling of a really heavy load slowly leaving his shoulders and maybe he understands now the american movies that use this plot about talking about your problems with a stranger. He felt relieved, JuYeon is the kind of guy that seems impassive at everything around him and he is praised a lot because of his drive and his determination of not give a single fuck.

But he cares. He notices everything around him. And feeling like he could appear vulnerable sounds awful, just thinking about it makes him regret even approaching you. JuYeon suddenly falls silent, half studying your reactions and half awkwardly shutting up because this was too much information.

"Sometimes a lot of thoughts just turn in a big skein. It's okay to feel weird about it too." You said emphatically (or at least that's his conclusion as you don't mock or roll your eyes), he can't help but stare at you. He was right all these hours thinking about you and your words, his drunk self was right too. You can be a life mentor. The conversation ends when Jacob introduces himself and says he is going to close the bar and that if JuYeon is even trying to talk more with you, he needs to promise he will let Jacob chop his head off if he does something inappropriate.

"Date me."

“No?”

“No, why would I?” This is the fourth night of a long conversation about life and deep topics he thought no one would want to talk about, JuYeon forgot about seduction tips after the second night of just one beer and lots of good talking. He feels comfortable and his mind thinks less of his apparent poor self worth and he now feels encouraged. “If you feel happy singing and being a performer, why are you doubting?”

Good question.

He wants to date you.

It’s kind of impulsive coming from him and basically you two are already hanging out meeting in Jacob’s bar every night. He wasn’t expecting you to say no that easily, it’s shocking and honestly sexy, his ego feels slapped too.

“What?”

“Yeah, we clearly have a mental connection and yes, you are pretty attractive” You say like it's pretty obvious. "But why would I date you?"

"Because… I don't want to eat alone?"

"...and?"

"And I am kind of attracted to you and your amazing brain?"

"...and?"

"Because I feel like you are pretty as fuck and also a friend I will treasure a lot and I will probably scream because I don't know if Jacob is your friend or your boyfriend?"

"What?" You laugh at his sudden confession and at his reaction that seems pretty surprised at his own words. "Well, that kind of convinced me."

"You always make me talk, it's embarrassing and really interesting. How am I supposed to meet another person like you- Wait, I convinced you?" You nod and feel your cheeks heating up as he stares at you and laughs happily.

You can be a life mentor and he will protect you from everything. Maybe you could be a couple.

© aquamoonchaii. all rights reserved

taglist:

@halliney @bangchan-fairy @kpopsnowball @melonmochimoon @prettyjaems @soleilsuhh @haifengg @purplepsycho03

[paiges-poetry]

Lovesick

I tried to drink to forget you but you were stronger than the liquor

You went down so smoothly but the aftertaste you left is so bitter

Like I become when I remember I have to survive these withdrawals

To somehow live without the one thing that got me through it all

It's always great at the start until what took away your pain

Goes from being your medicine to another poison you crave

I never thought a person could turn into an addiction

When love seemed to be the one cure for all my afflictions

They tried their best to warn me but I couldn't be helped

Because I saw you as the only heaven inside this hell

But I guess the higher you go the further that you'll fall

You lifted me up but now you're driving me up the wall

Because I need to let go but you're just so easy to love

I have to say you sure are one hell of a drug

Because you make me so high yet you're killing me

I saw you as oxygen when you're making it harder to breathe

And I never thought one day you'd be a risk to my health

But while I was chasing you I was damaging myself

I convinced myself you were the only thing I had left

When you turned out to be a habit to break just like the rest

I've been trying to stay sober but I always relapse

I decide to quit you then I can't help but go back

I need to keep you out of my system because it's no longer fun

I'm sitting here in the aftermath wondering what I've become

I let this ruin my friendships and take up all my time

When the life that you're taking was supposed to be mine

My therapist said I have to be the most important thing in my life

But how am I supposed to be when you cause me this much strife

And really I'm the only person here that I can blame

And I can't take it back now, I can only wallow in shame

Until I make the decision to give you up for good

Like I should have so long ago, like I told myself I would

I let you permeate my bloodstream, now you're stuck in my veins

It's safe to say that after you I'll never be the same

I still don't know how the fuck things ended up like this

You gave me a whole new meaning for the word lovesick

[beneaththemasks]

hey I promised this a long time ago but my depressed ass didn't let me write so

Analyzing Atsushi and Akutagawa pt.2

cw: dazai hate and beast spoilers

previous part here

first of all I want to clarify that this has been sitting in my drafts for nearly a whole year so yeah it's very likely that I might forget some important details but I'll try to get to my initial point anyways.

a few month ago when I decided to reread beast for a second time (after realising I hadn't paid much attention to it the first time) I came up with all these ideas of how and why Dazai decided to pair Akutagawa and Atsushi together.

again, this analysis is going to be a very real-life-based interpretation on the characters and the whole plot probably. so don't really pay much attention if I mix stuff from the light novels with stuff from the main plot bc the point is basically analyse why their relationship was built.

parting from the final scenes of the beast novel that end with Dazai telling Atsushi and Akutagawa that he needed to make them fight each other in order to protect the world he had created for Oda inside the book, I tried to tie a few ends that were hanging lose for a while in my head.

now, you can read this however you like (be it me being just stupid or whatever) but, ever since we got to see part of how Dazai treated Akutagawa back in the Port Mafia I kept finding myself going through the same problem over and over again to try and understand why the hell was he so fucking obsessed with making him physically stronger rather than, you know, actually focusing on training him as a whole good and worthy subordinate.

why did dazai, being as smart and manipulative as he is, made such a rudimentary mistake of only teaching akutagawa how to strengthen his ability if he knew the boy was a killing machine?

I think you can understand then why the part where Dazai makes them fight each other in beast was even MORE confusing to me...

but that's not all there is to it.

Dazai not only failed (?) to train Akutagawa but he did succeed in training Atsushi??

well, as much as we love to see a character growing and as much as you'd like to attribute it to him leaving the mafia, I don't really think that was the reason. after all, as I already said, Dazai is very smart and has always been, he probably already had it all planned back in the port mafia.

and here's where my galaxy brain starts to think.

right from the start, the whole Dazai's subordinates deal felt very strange and inconsistent to me. I never understood why would he loose so much for Akutagawa and obsess so much with pointing out the fact that Atsushi was better than him when he was no longer part of the PM therefore he supposedly shouldn't mind about wether Akutagawa was good bad or whatever.

it started getting very dense to me tbh but that's not important

enter beast, a world where Dazai can literally do almost anything he wants, and what does he do? the boy goes and straight up fucks up akutagawa and atsushi for the second time makes akutagawa and atsushi hate each other and hold the weight of the world in their hands. again.

ok this was getting VERY annoying, plus their fight was so so so painful to read that it literally made me wonder what was the point in forcing them to face their trauma in such a cruel way at a moment like that.

thankfully there was a reason... but it never clarified precisely WHY FIGHT EACH OTHER.

if Dazai never taught Akutagawa how to be a better and sharper person because he didn't really know how, that was not a problem in beast. because Oda was there to do it. Oda could have taught Akutagawa what Dazai lacked as a mentor.

then, if Dazai wanted Atsushi to protect the book, he could've literally ask him without any need to involve Akutagawa.

but then, the whole point of why Dazai took Akutagawa in the first time "in the original world" and the reason behind why he also took Atsushi would've been lost.

Dazai is, indeed, a mastermind.

he knows what's necessary to make a world where people like Oda can live and write. he knows, probably better than anyone, that god doesn't care about things like balance and harmony. that he'd have to create it himself.

after all, coherency is one of the rules of the book.

Akutagawa and Atsushi fail their mission against Fukuchi (probably at Aku's life cost) in the main plot because that happened in the same world where Oda and Gide die after fighting for the same goal. a world where only those who fight and have the talent will prevail.

Dazai knows very well that, in that world, balance and harmony will never exist.

that's why Dazai creates a new world instead, where Atsushi and Akutagawa never team up and try to kill each other instead. a world where they force each other to recognize their flaws and admit their mistakes, a world where they'll have to learn how to live on with it no matter what they want to protect the world.

protect the world by proving that both sides of the same coin can fit, that none is better than the other.

so yeah, basically, the events that take place in "the original world" are proof to Dazai that god doesn't care about good or evil, that the only ones that will prevail are those who fight for their right to live (and this also probably explains why Atsushi and Akutagawa will never win as long as they fight without acknowledging what they have in front of them).

therefore, he decides to create a world where Oda won't have to fight to live because Atsushi and Akutagawa will fight but won't have to kill each other to prove their existence. they'll simply accept that both sides of the coin can exist even if they're weak, afraid or bad and that will be enough to give birth to a new world order.

there's actually more than this. in fact, there are a lot of reasons why Akutagawa and Atsushi are important for each other despite Dazai's plans and the world's destiny. however, since it'd be too confusing to try explaining it all in the same post sooo I'll be leaving that for a 3rd part.

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Can I request a Viv Tang fic or hc?

It's angst, where The Poppy leaves MC to take the blame on one of their heists, promising that they would break her out, but never did. Yet despite that she never sold them out.

Then Nadia was the one who broke her out, manipulating her and plotting lies in her head to make her join Flashpoint.

The Poppy did do their everything to break MC out but everytime Nadia intercepts them. So when they finally tracked down where MC and Nadia is, on the location of their latest operation, they tried to reason to her. But MC's loyalty was too deep for Nadia maybe because Nadia also made MC think that she loves her or something.

And maybe the last words could be:

"Next time I won't hesitate to tell them to pull the trigger, maybe I'll be the one to pull the trigger myself."

Make it as angsty as possible please and thank you in advance!

Warning: Mentions of murder.

...

Prison life was hell. Try as she might, MC couldn’t endure it as well as she thought she could. There was an enemy in every shadow, in every corner. There was no one to lean against, no support.

The days dragged on and on, virtually endless, no help in sight.

MC remembered the warmth of the Poppy, their joyous celebrations, the life in their eyes as they planned a heist that would ultimately unveil in failure. No one had known then that it would go wrong, and MC couldn’t help but wonder if they would have cared. If they would have changed anything in the plan.

There wasn’t a moment in this damn place where people didn’t shove it in her face—no doubt it was on purpose, why the heck would they want to drag a failure like you around? —and scoffed at her when they saw her, not believing for a second that this scared little kid could belong to such a famous group.

Two weeks in, MC had abandoned any hope that she would be rescued. She was stuck for fifteen years in this place. Investigators would come in periodically, their eyes stone cold as they probed her for answers, but MC kept her mouth shut and looked away. They would get physical sometimes, intent on getting answers, but MC say nothing.

The memory of a place she truly belonged in was still fresh in her mind. She had always been an emotional person… it was no surprise she had no desire to sell them out. At least not yet. Give her a couple of months, and maybe she’d be bitter enough to do it.

Three weeks in, a blast had knocked the whole prison into chaos. The sheer relief that flooded her was only slightly evaporated by the spark of anger and indignation in her chest, but she still hurried out, thirsty for freedom.

She expected to see Vivienne’s impish smirk, hand extended in her direction, no remorse in her eyes, but was surprised by golden hair and a tight, crisp suit that had once been white, now marred by dirt and smoke and blood.

“Oh good, I was wondering how much target practice I would have before you showed up,” the woman said, her grin as sharp as a knife’s edge even though she was standing so casually, as if they weren’t standing at the edge of a broken prison wall but in a café.

MC froze, caught off guard. Someone—another inmate—ran behind her, intent on reaching freedom, and the woman whipped a gun in his direction so fast he didn’t even have time to react. His body joined the pile of bodies by the side, momentum making it flop like a sad, broken doll. The woman hums to herself as she reloads the gun.

“Hurry up, MC, I don’t have all day.”

“Wha—? But you just shot—”

She shrugs, nonchalant. “Yeah, well, since they are no use to me… I might as well practice my aim, no?”

“…I—”

“Hurry up and come here, MC,” the woman says, impatience making her voice firmer and deadlier. Her arm snaps up, the sound of a gunshot making the air vibrate, and MC covers her ears and flinches. Someone lets out a pained gurgle and the thump right behind her makes MC shiver. A swift glance reveals it’s a guard. “The cavalry has arrived—next shot is at your feet if you don’t move. Right. Now.”

MC has never run so fast in her entire life. The woman’s grin returns, pleased, and after one last shot, she guides MC out into a waiting helicopter. They are out of the prison without much trouble. Still a bit anxious, MC takes one of the seats, stiffly. In contrast, the woman lets herself drop in the seat in front of her and all but beams at her.

“Sorry about that—I like to make things dramatic. Name’s Nadia.”

“That was… a tad more dramatic than I would have liked…”

“You’ll get used to it in no time,” she replies, waving her hand as if it’s no big deal. She smirks and lets the gun drop on MC’s lap, who goes very still, staring at the device in horror. “Safety’s on, chill. I’d never do anything to you, MC.”

“You literally threatened me like three seconds ago.”

“Because we were going to get caught otherwise! I wouldn’t have acted on it, promise.”

MC chances a look at her eyes—there’s a dangerous amusement dancing in them, like the light blue of a river that doesn’t seem to have a very strong current until you are swept off into a certain death. There are no second chances with this woman, no false appearances. MC doesn’t realize how reliving this raw honesty is until it washes over her, and she wonders if right now she’s at the edge of the river. One wrong move…

“Thank you for getting me out of there.”

“No big deal. I heard what happened with the Poppy—figures they aren’t as noble as they make everyone believe.”

Those words cut into MC like a frosty knife.

“I… I thought they sent you to break me out…”

Nadia scoffs. “Me, working with stuck-ups like them? Now that’s a good laugh.”

“Why did you bail me out, then?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She leans forward. “The Poppy threw away some very valuable talent. As any proper thief would do, I claimed it for myself.”

“…threw away, huh?”

“They were quite satisfied with themselves, too. Imagine the fit they’ll have when they know you’re with Flashpoint now.”

It’s hard to believe her words. The image of a joyous Poppy is still fresh in MC’s mind, but Nadia’s words tint it a dull reddish-brown, just like a faded photograph. She thinks about Vivienne’s words, about her promise to break her out, and frowns.

“You speak as though I’ve already joined your little group.”

“There’s no other option, MC. I’m not letting a talent like you slip away… plus, don’t you want to get back at them? Show them what a horrible mistake they did?”

“…”

“Or just let them seethe silently in rage, sure. Can’t say I love your approach, but eh.”

Her fingers curl around the grip of the gun. “What happens if I don’t want to work for you?”

Nadia looks at her with keen interest, still with a lazy smirk. “Then you’d be volunteering for target practice.”

“I thought you say you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I don’t hurt my coworkers, no, but if you cross me—whoever you are—then you seal your fate.”

MC hums, looking at the firearm in her lap, moving her thumb over the safety. After a small pause, in which she glances over at the pilot, she moves her hand away.

“Fine. I’ll join.”

“Great!”

Flashpoint, true to its name, prefers more flashy heists.

MC wasn’t too comfortable with their modus operandi at first, but got used to it soon enough.

Nadia was a strict leader. Every conversation with her was intense and dangerous, especially when she was in a bad mood, but she was thorough.

She didn’t mince her words. She was as honest as could be, and after months caught in Vivienne’s game, Nadia was a breath of fresh air. MC couldn’t be really blamed for falling in love with her, right? In the end, Nadia was the only one willing to support her.

That’s why it had been such a surprise when, in the middle of their latest heist, the Poppy had intervened.

They had been as organized as always—Flashpoint was completely caught off guard, the communication lost. MC could deal with not knowing what happened to the rest, so long as she had Nadia with her.

Nadia had been strangely amused when the Poppy crashed their heist, not worried at all, gripping her knife without a care in the world. That was reassuring… at least during this forced encounter, MC would have her by her side.

And it was comforting to see that Nadia hadn’t taken out her gun yet.

Vivienne is the one who speaks, voice as demanding as firewood smoke, and MC goes deadly still when the seductress goes straight to the point instead of dancing around the subject as she usually does. “Nadia prevented us from breaking you out.”

Her words ring hollow. Now that MC has been out of her influence long enough, it’s easy to ignore her words. They are fake, anyway. They must be.

Nadia scoffs, wolfish grin still in place. “Blaming me now, huh? That’s low. I thought you would have come up with a better excuse.”

Remy instantly starts to explain the foiled attempts, and their most recent efforts to find Flashpoint now that MC was with them, but MC can’t look at him without remembering her time in prison—dark, dark, not an ally in sight, contempt in every corner—and it’s enough to make her bristle.

How dare they? How dare they spill these lies after leaving her to rot in jail? After lying to her for months, making her believe she was one of them?

The fact that they had left her to take the fall was insulting. If it had been Nadia, she would have stayed with her. They would have gone down together, guns blazing. Nadia was the type of person that gave everything or nothing at all.

Vivienne tries to speak again, a desperation in her eyes MC had never seen before, but the sight is oddly satisfying.

Nadia catches it, because of course she does, her smirk softening as she reaches for her gun and aims casually. “Better beg for your lives now.”

And Nadia’s also a very dramatic person, that’s for sure. MC almost wants to laugh at their faces, eyes trained on the gun, expression tainted with disbelief, but MC sees no point in killing them. Not like this, at least.

“What? You still don’t want to get back at them?” But even then, even with how much she’s itching to pull the trigger, Nadia lowers the weapon and scowls. “Fine.”

“Don’t come back to me with this bullshit. Next time I won’t hesitate to tell Nadia to pull the trigger. Maybe I’ll even pull the trigger myself.”

Vivienne sets her jaw and stands still, and MC gives her a small, triumphant smile before she follows Nadia out of the museum.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

Ezekiel ‘EZ’ Reyes x Obispo ‘Bishop’ Losa daughter! Reader

Anon #1 asked: Hi 💕 obsessed with your writing! I was wondering if I could request a fic where the reader is Bishops daughter so she’s jokingly referred to as a “forbidden fruit” cause she’s hot but none of the mc can have her because of who her dad is. But she starts to fall for either Angel or EZ? (Either one you pick 🤘🏼) thank you 💕💕

@ly--canthrope asked: I lied! I have a 3rd one for Ez haha. Not much of a prompt, but can you build a scene around this please? -- breaking the kiss to say something, staying so close that you’re murmuring into each other’s mouths- thank you so much!

Word Count: 1.5k

Author comments: This work wasn't re-edited, so I'm sorry if you find grammar mistakes! I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits: @xxrouxx

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @marquelapage @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @jadesamhart ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“Yeah, you hit him hard, man”. Coco cheers EZ, once he's out of the ring and the Stockton members are picking up what is left of their prospect.

“Good job, lil'bro. You fucked up that bitch”.

“So, what's your prize, ah? Choose”. Gilly says offering him a beer.

“I'm gonna ask (Y/N) to take care of me”.

“No, no, no, no”. Coco replies, placing himself in front of him to stop his feet.

“The hell you sayin', brother? That bitch left your brain out of you, or what?” Angel narrows his eyes, shaking lightly his head.

“She's the forbidden fruit, carnal. Don' get into more troubles”. The mexican with long hair speaks.

“Prez looks happy teasing Oscar because I won”.

“Prez looks happy 'cause it's his daughter's birthday. ‘Best day of his life’, as he always says”. Gilly surrounds his neck with an arm, while continuing walking to the bar on the crowded yard.

“I will do it anyway”. Having a long sip of his beer, EZ gives it to his brother, taking the advantage to look for you.

You're sitting close to your father, clinged to one of his arms, having fun with your tíos and your family from other charters. It's your 21th birthday and Bishop decides to have a party with all the Mayans. So, the whole Santo Padre knows you're celebrating. It's the first time you see them all reunited, being the center of attention even if you don't like it. Every five minutes, a member walks closer to greet you, as if you were some kind of princess. Yes, your father is El Rey de los Mayas, but you're not sure what position it gives you.

Your eyes travel to the crowd, observing the younger Reyes coming with self-confidence and security towards your position. Sitting up on your chair, you smirk at him trying to not show how nervous you are. Should be illegal see this fucking good after a fight. You like him. You like him at the point you dream with him. But it's a shit that he hides what he feels because of Bishop. Just like you do. He's the most interesting man you have never known. Sometimes you try to figure out why the hell he joined Mayans, but then you see him riding his bike and your head goes blank.

“Congratulations, Ezekiel”. Your father compliments him with a huge smile on the corner of his lips.

“Thanks, presidente. I was… asking myself if (Y/N) could help me to fix me up. Angel sa—”.

“No”. “Yes”.

Bishop and Marcus talk in unison. The men look at each other, frowning a little. You're in the middle of them, raising your hands to both chests.

“Club business, caballeros”. Making fun of them, you get up from your chair holding EZ's hand.

You let him lead you to the inside of the clubhouse, looking for the medical kit to heal his face. Letting go his fingers tangled in yours, you cross the main hallway to the bathroom to take all the stuff you can need. Carrying it among your hands, you come back to the younger Reyes with that smile that makes your legs shake since you met him a year ago.

You ring the bell, holding with a hand the glass tray full of tamales, your best friend's favorite mexican dish. Coco opens the door with a cigar between his long fingers and a serious look on his face.

“We don' wan' publicity, thanks”. He says before trying to close the door on your nose.

“Don' you have a moment to talk about our lord Itzamná?” You joke on him, hitting the wood with a shoulder to come in.

“Ah, bueno, si es un Maya… pues sí, digo, no más, pasa, pasa”. (Well, if it's a Mayan… of course, come in, come in). He replies gesticulating exaggeratedly, starting to laugh.

“What's up, Coquito?”

The mexican takes the food from your hands, leaning to leave a loud kiss on your check.

“Hey, lil'mama”. The oldest Reyes surrounds your neck with both arms from behind you, kissing the top of your head. “Come're, I wanna introduce you to my brother”.

“The famous Ezekiel”.

“Oh, stop”. He clicks his tongue somewhat jealous, leading you to the kitchen. “Hey, EZ. That's (Y/N), Prez's daughter. So, don' try anything sexual with that smile yours”.

“Angel!” You break in laughs, before focusing on his brother.

“What's up? I'm Ezekiel, but everybody calls me EZ”. The younger Reyes leans forward surrounding your waist with an arm, pushing you closer to kiss your cheek.

You already know that you're fucked and in love.

“Don' lie, brother. We all call you ‘boy scout’!” Coco's words make you both laugh.

“You like adventures?” You ask trying to not sound as if you're flirting. But you are.

“And you?”

“Of course”.

“Yeah, well… What can I say then? I can make fire with everything, that's a good point if you wanna go hiking”.

“I'll keep it in mind, boy scout”.

EZ sits on the poker table, settling yourself between his legs to make it easier to clean the blood on his face with a wet soft towel. He doesn't set apart his eyes from you, on how focused you are on taking care of him. As if he was the most delicate thing in your life. And you're trying to not fall more for him, in case that it's possible. He doesn't need stitches, being enough using some iodine to cover the wounds. Looks like you're an artist in front of her masterpiece, watching him breathe somewhat nervous too close of you.

“I asked for a birthday wish that you don' kiss me tonight”. You mumble, getting lost in his eyes with both hands resting on his lap.

You're not going to blame the alcohol you have been drinking, but you're not in your best moment.

“Saying it will not be fulfilled”.

You can feel his long fingers, a little damaged, touring your hips until they flow on your lower back making you take a last step forward.

“Analyze the phrase, smart boy”.

Narrowing his eyes, and having some seconds, EZ begins to draw a sly smile shaking his head for an instant. Now, he has understood it.

“You wan' me to kiss you?”

“Technically, I don' want you to no kiss me”. You point out, emphasizing each word, containing a loud laugh. “That's what I said. More or less”.

“Tonight”.

“Yeah', tonight”.

“What about tomorrow?” He mutters, raising up a hand to the right side of your neck, caressing the line of your jaw with a thumb.

“I don't know, EZ… I think my last brain cell collapsed”. Pursing your lips, you're almost touching his.

He laughs between his teeth, before kissing you. Your heart has collapsed too, when the adventurous hand goes up to the back of your head, while your mouths fit like two pieces of a puzzle. In perfect harmony. No rush. No nerves. Nothing. You're calmed, enjoying the taste of beer on his tongue, and the taste of tequila on yours. His lips aren't soft, but you're in love with them, with him, right as he is. Al carajo with that your father said. If he is playing his skin for you, you're going to do the same.

Your fingers roam his bare chest, noticing that he's breathing somewhat better, pressing his hand on your back to push you a little closer. Up to his neck, your fingers wrap it softly while he bites your lower lip so sensual that, if he wasn't holding you, you could fall down.

“Your father is watching us”. He whispers onto your mouth, caressing your nose with his.

Your cheeks are burning when you turn between EZ's legs to the main door. Bishop is resting against the frame having a drag of his cigar and carrying a closed bottle of tequila. You know what it means. You made him the promise that you would get drunk together, now that you can ‘legally’ drink.

“I have… to leave. Put some ice on your knuckles, okay?” You say to the younger Reyes, and he simply nods.

El presidente is killing him with his look, offering you a hand to hold it and take you away from the prospect. Going downstairs, he puts his eyes on you with an incredulous gesture.

“It could be worse, dad”.

“Oh, really? Surprise me, mi amor”.

“Could be Angel, instead of EZ”.

“Why the fuck you have an answer for everything, ah?”

“C'mon, dad! It's my birthday”.

“Yeah, the anniversary of the best day of my life. But we're going to talk about it tomorrow”.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Two

Words: 4k

Warning(s): explicit language, explicit sexual situations, drug abuse, violence

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My nails dig through Duff's back, my legs tightly around his hips, his hands in my hair as his lips kiss hotly at my neck, making me shudder.

He lets out a sharp breath, signaling he's about to finish, and I nudge him off of me, pushing him to the bed, my hand finding his cock before my lips follow suite, my mouth sucking and licking at him as my hand keeps a tight but loose enough grip on him, jerking him off. 

"Fuck, Vivian," he chuckles with a moan thickly wrapping around it, his hand in my hair. 

When I hum around him he's done for, spilling down my throat. 

Once he's done I get off of him and kiss up his stomach, his chest, his neck, finding his lips, his hand gently around my throat for a moment and I sigh when we pull away before falling back to catch my breath. 

Usually he's all for laying here with me, but he sits up after a moment and swings his legs to the side of the bed. 

"Nooo," I grumble, crawling to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, my bare chest against his back before I lean down to press a kiss to the back of his neck. "Stay in bed." 

"I would if I could." He tells me, his fingers running up and down my arm. "I got rehearsal, Viv." 

"You can blow off one rehearsal." I suggest, my nails grazing over his collar bone. 

"I did on the tour, remember?" He chuckles, patting my hand, about to stand up. 

"Okay, well, settle for being just a little late." I say next, not letting him leave my arms, my nose grazing his cheek. 

"Viv, c'mon, I can't do that. The guys need me." 

"Don't act like if any of them had me in bed they wouldn't blow the rest of you off." I tell him sarcastically. 

"They wouldn't because it'd be a miracle if any of them got you in bed--especially Axl." 

"Duff, please?" I try my hardest and he won't budge. 

"I'll be back later, alright?" I finally let go and he turns his back to me to put his pants on and I roll my jaw and lean back, sliding my hand between my legs, waiting for him to turn around. 

When he does, his eyes slightly widen, the obvious internal struggle taking place, I just look him directly in the eyes, bring fingers to my mouth to taste myself, before sliding them back down to pleasure myself under his attention.

"Just a little late." He says to himself, jumping on me, making me laugh and lose focus as he kisses at my chest, my arms and legs wrapping around him tightly, not wanting to let him go. 

We hadn't talked about the heroin, I didn't know how to ask and I didn't even know if he knew I knew about it. I was used to brushing it under the rug with Nikki, I didn't know how to approach Duff about it. But I learned pretty damn quick when it happened a second time.

I scrub at another stain in the carpet as Matt and Duff argue outside, faintly hearing them. 

"You're full of shit, Duff, yo--"

"--You're not here with me all the time, Matt, so don't just assume I'm flying off the fucking handle!"

"If it's bad enough that she called me to come talk to you, you've crossed a line!" His brother points out. 

"I didn't cross a fucking line, it happened twice and that was it and that's all it's gonna be!" Duff exclaims. "I fucked up, and I get that, but you don't have any idea what the fuck is going on so don't come down here and jump down my throat when you don't know the full story, man."

"When I get a call that my baby brother is dabbling in heroin I have every right to come down here and jump down his throat. You have friends that are being ran around by that shit. You have friends that have died of that shit. But you're still just trying it?" He hisses and there's a silence. "Your my brother and I love you, Duff...if I didn't I wouldn't be pissing on your parade right now, but I need you to think about some of this stuff before you do it. Think about the possible consequences and repercussions because none of them are worth you losing yourself, or your life, over a high." 

I leave them at that, sensing Matthew's almost done and since I don't want to see Duff right now, I got to the bathroom. 

"Vivian? Can we please talk?" Duff asks from the other side of the bathroom door in a few minutes and I sniffle, hugging my legs tighter to me. 

"I don't have anything to say to you. Your brother said it all." I tell him and he sighs. 

"Viv, I'm a fucking idiot, alright? I didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to try it and honestly it's fucking morbid so I'm not doing it again." He assures me. 

"I've heard that before and eight months later I found out he'd gone from smoking it to injecting it, Duff." I remind him and he's quiet for a moment. "Your brother was right, Duff...how the hell do you try the thing that's killed so many of your friends back home and ruined the lives of the ones it hasn't killed yet?" 

More silence. 

"I don't need another junkie to raise in a relationship, Duff, so if that's what you wanna get into this isn't gonna work--"

He struggles with the door, and I relent, standing up and opening it. 

"I'm not Nikki. Quit comparing me to him because I'm not him." He tells me. "And I am sorry I came home like that and brought back all the shit from Nikki and freaked you out. I'm not gonna do it anymore, Vivian, I promise I'm not. I don't like the way it makes me feel, I don't like how hard it is to come out of it and I don't like you looking at me like I'm the next one that's gonna break you because I'm not." He tells me. "I love you, I honestly do, and I'm not gonna do it again, just please forgive me for being a fucking asshole." He pleads.

I can tell he's being sincere.

"Okay." I tell him, tears in my eyes. "Just please don't do that to me again, Duff, please." He grabs me and wraps his arms around me, squeezing me to him. 

"Viv, I promise I'm not." He says soothingly.

He stayed true to his promise, and he wouldn't break me over Heroin, but his alcoholism and coke addiction only a few short years later would nearly take a bigger toll on me than Nikki's drug addiction.

The next morning a satisfied hum slips from my throat, Duff's lips softly pressing over my shoulder blades, his bare chest that's still soaked with sweat presses to my back as his teeth nip at my neck. 

I giggle and roll over to face him, a wide smile on his lips when he leans down and kisses me, our tongues tangling sloppily, my palm running up his bicep before pulling him to me, running my calf muscles against his lower back. 

"That was really good." I tell him softly, biting at my lip and he kisses me again for a second. 

"It's always good for me." He chuckles. 

"Why's that?" I ask, knowingly, and he doesn't say a word, just smirking at me as his hand runs down my stomach, getting between my legs and I bite back a moan as he slips two fingers into me, watching me.

He curls them into my already sensitive core, and I melt, closing my eyes and arching my back, feeling his tongue run up my neck, making me shudder before he's lapping my nipple into his mouth, sending a shot of arousal through me. 

I reach down between us and grasp his cock, already eager for round two, and his eyes flutter a little bit. 

I giggle and he takes his fingers from me, taking them between his lips for a moment as I guide him to me, rubbing his head against my wet clit, my body tensing and relaxing in anticipation.

Before he pushes into me, I push him off of me, straddling him and his hands guide my hips as I ready him at my cunt and slide down onto him. 

"Fuck me." I breathily sigh out, my head tipped back, my pussy throbbing around him as I'm filled. 

He lets me control the rhythm, his hands running over my hips, my ass, up to my tits to run over my nipples. 

I whine out, sliding down his shaft, making the whole thing fit into me, scratching at his chest as I quicken the pace that I'm riding him at. 

The abrupt ringing of the phone catches my attention, and the both of us are having problems focusing with the sharp "bbbbrrrrriiiiinnnnnngggggg" every 2 seconds.

"I'm sorry, just gimme a second." I sigh.

"Babe, it's okay." He assures me as I'm reaching for my nightstand that I moved the phone to. 

"Hello?" I answer. 

"I wanna come home." Nikki sounds stoned as shit, thickly slurring. 

"Nikki," I start, Duff letting out a heavy breath. "There's nothing here for you right now. Finish in Japan and you'll be back soon." I try to keep myself from yelling at him, because there's no telling how much he's high on, exactly. 

"Vivian, I wanna come home. I'm fucking tired." 

"Nikki, I know you are, but just…" 

The mood is ruined, Duff getting out from under me, kissing my temple before going to the shower, making me sigh. 

"I'm getting on a plane and coming home." He goes on and I rub my forehead. 

"Nikki…"

"What, Vivian?" He snaps. 

"I don't want you to come home." I tell him, honestly. 

"This is bullshit, Vivian, you know it's bullsh--and you know you want me to come home, too, you just don't want to admit it but I know you and I know you--"

"--No, Nikki, I don't, which is why I'm telling you to stay in Japan." 

"Vivian." He says weakly. 

"Nikki, I told you when you got home there'd be divorce papers waiting for you, and my shit would be gone. I meant what I said. Don't call me and act hurt when I tell you not to come home right now." 

The line goes dead and I close my eyes, very quickly swiping the two tears rolling down my cheeks before hanging up, too. 

It went on like that the next few days, Nikki randomly calling me to tell me he's coming home early...he never came, though…

"What the hell is she thinking?" I ask the guys when I look up to see Tansy and Axl out and about the way we all are…

Slash follows my line of sight, knowing smirk on his lips curtained by his curly hair.. 

"I told you it's like she was never even with Sparkles or whatever the fuck his name is." He mumbles, watching the blonde and redhead slow dancing in the crowd of chaos, wide smiles, foreheads pressed together for a moment before Axl says something to make her laugh and her head leans back as a genuine laugh flutters out of her against the music and noise surrounding the place. "It's fucking weird." 

"You're tellin' me, the only proof they were ever even together is that she's so strung out she's assbackwards, now." Izzy adds flatly.

"At least she's happy now, guys." Steven tells us. 

"She's high, Stevie. Of course she's happy." I state and Izzy tenses beside me. 

"Oh, c'mon, Viv, don't be so--"

"--So what, Izzy?" I snap. "--They're engaged and they don't even know each other."

None of them argue. 

"He should've waited until she was sober. She can't handle a relationship right now."

"Well, Axl's not gonna be like Sparkie was. He's insane but not that badly." Izzy assures me. "And she's obviously not even bothered by being with someone new so just let 'em have fun." He adds. 

"I give it a week before Axl realizes it's not worth the effort and patience required to have a decently functioning relationship with a heroin addict." I cut next, glaring at Duff and Izzy, and the brunette slams his glass down on the table, clenching and unclenching his jaw. "If the shoe fits, wear it." I hiss

"What the hell is your deal?" He asks me. 

"I don't have a 'deal'." I state.

"Bullshit." 

"Izzy, man, just let it go." Duff says, obviously not trying to start anything about it. 

"No, fuck that, she's been a pain in the ass all day and I want to know what I did to piss her off to the point that she treats me the way she has all day." He tells Duff. 

"I'm stepping outside." I ignore him, getting up from the table.

"Izz, just--"

"--Nope." I hear him spout before he follows after me. 

Getting to the street, damp with rain, and catching my breath, Izzy comes out within seconds, shaped brows raised. 

"The fuck's goin' on?" He demands. 

"Duff was high again last night." I tell him and he sighs, rubbing his forehead. 

"You think it's me or something? Like I'm the one that's holding a gun to his head and making him shoot up?" He defensively accuses me and I exhale sharply. 

"It's somebody." I cross my arms and Izzy shakes his head a little bit before calmly adding, "he was with Tansy, Viv, not me, so go gripe to her and keep me out of it."

I had to keep in mind that Tansy was barely a hundred pounds and nearly a foot shorter than me, and it wouldn't do any good for me to kick her ass, despite desperately wanting to get ahold of her one good time...so, I got the next best thing, who would pass the message on.

I'm practically nose to nose with Axl in the tiny, cramped, bathroom.

I waited for him to go to the bathroom and I followed him, not wanting to ruin his good time with Tansy, so this will have to do. 

"Your girlfriend is helping my boyfriend dabble in smack and I'm not putting up with it." I grit out. 

"She's my fiancée, technically." He smugly replies, smirking, getting his dick out to pee and I look up. 

"You're being a dumbass for that, by the way." I snap. 

"I'm in love, Viv." He laughs it off. 

"Well, better talk to your fiancée about sobriety because if Duff comes home high again and I find out he was with her again, I'm going to beat her ass." I promise and he rolls his eyes.

"You know you can't tell an addict to get better if they don't want to." He scoffs. 

"Maybe just don't marry her and see how quickly that gets her to go to rehab." I suggest and he shakes off and flushes the urinal, sighing, raising his brows. 

"You can pretend you're all cool about it but you know she'll be dead within a month if she keeps it up. Her heart's already shit, her vision is starting to get fuck and a part of her liver needs to be cut out--she just won't get it done."

"The fuck's wrong with her liver?" He asks me sharply. 

"She didn't tell you?" I question and he lets out a heavy breath, rolling his jaw. "Well, have fun prying that Skelton out of the closet." I turn to go and he grabs the door knob, stopping me, his intense blue eyes scalding my green…

"You don't have any room to talk to me about skeletons in her closet when you have a clusterfuck in yours." He grits out. 

"Wow, I'm sleeping with Duff, that's so awful." I snap sarcastically. 

"And how do you explain all those pregnancy tests and no kids?" He snaps back and my heart stops momentarily, my face falling. 

"Duff and I were looking for a lighter the other night because we didn't have one on us like we thought. He didn't see it because I got him away from it and I'm not telling anybody about it, but don't for a second think you're any better than Tansy. You're both just full of shit." He leaves me, making sure to slam the door on his way out. 

I stand there for a moment, trying to calm down…

"Fuck it." I shove my urge to cry away harshly, letting my temper get the best of me, going after him. 

I'm grabbing a bottle of bourbon from a man I pass, and as he fusses and follows after me for it back, my eyes make a target on the back of Axl's Aerosmith tshirt.

He comes to a halt as the bottle barely misses him, hitting his shoulder before colliding with the floor and busting. 

Several people part around us, not wanting to get caught in the collateral. 

"Guys, c'mon," Steven comes in, Tansy, Izzy, Duff and Slash not far behind. 

Axl just glares at me, using every fiber of his being not to fight back, and I can tell, as Izzy gives me a "don't start" look, starting to coax Axl away as Duff gets in the middle of it to gently trying to make me walk with him in the opposite direction. 

But the Sixx in me kicks in. 

"Tell your bitch to fuck it off or I'll make her myself!" I throw at Axl and, sure enough, this grabs his attention. 

We're both fighting to get Duff away because he's between us. 

We manage to get him knocked to the side just enough that we could get a few licks in before Izzy and Steven get in the middle of it, too. 

"Vivian Sixx's Bar Brawl with Singer" was plastered everywhere the next day, but I didn't care. For him to insinuate I had aborted my kids, which I wouldn't have--even if I did it would've been my business...me and Tansy were hiding things, yes, but mine were hid to protect people. Her's were hid so she could keep getting high without people screaming in her ear about her health...at least I thought so, at the time.

"I'm tired of you fighting, Vivian!" Duff lets out as I slam the door to my corvette once we get back to my house. 

"Okay, are you done?" I dismissively snap at him, stomping to the door, fumbling for my keys and he grabs my arm and makes me turn around to look at him. 

"No, I'm not done." He says sternly, making me sigh in frustration. "What happened?"

"Nothing, Duff." I lie, turning around again and unlocking the door. 

"Don't give me that bullshit, Viv--did he hurt you or say something to you?" 

"It doesn't matter, Duff, alright just drop it." 

"It matters. If he said something or did something to you, I need to know." He argues, following me to my room. 

I don't answer. 

"D-Did he touch you or…" he sounds pained at the question, and I breathe out and shake my head. 

"No, Duff. Axl's never done anything like that to me." I mumble, truthfully, taking my dress off to change. 

"Well, then what the hell happened, Viv?" He asks me, sitting on the bed, elbows on his knees as he awaits my answer. 

"He doesn't know Tansy needs surgery for her liver." I tell him. 

He looks confused. 

"If she won't even tell him about needing a possibly life-saving surgery due to her current drug and alcohol addiction, what the hell makes him think she's stable enough to be his wife?" 

"So that's why you were so upset?" He asks, not sounding completely convinced. "Because he won't back off Tansy?" 

"...I was also pissed you were coincidentally hanging out with her when you came home high." I say quietly, and I can see him tense up. 

"Tansy didn't get me high, Viv. I got me high. It was my choice. She was passed out a majority of the time." 

"Well, then, who else were you with?"

"Andy McCoy." He sighs out and I let out a disappointed breath. 

"Oh." I walk to the bed and sit beside him. 

"Yeah. 'Oh.'" He echoes flatly. 

"I'm sorry for the Axl thing."

"I'm sorry for the smack thing." He says. 

My eyes drift past him to the drawer that has all my dirty little secrets in it...my eyes watering. 

"Hey," Duff starts calmly, grabbing at my hand, and I turn my attention to him, "I love you." 

"I love you, too." I assure him, sniffling. "And I'm really sorry for tonight. I just lost my temper and I have no idea what came over me." I confess, starting to cry and he pulls me to him, comfortingly running his hand up and down my arm. "I'm just so tired, Duff." 

"I know, Viv." He quietly says, kissing my hair, holding me tighter. 

"Can we just go to sleep tonight?" I ask, not in the mood for sex or anything remotely sex related. 

"If that's what you wanna do, yeah." He nods a little and I look up at him. 

"I just want to sleep." I repeat and he gives me a soft smile. 

"Okay, we can sleep." He assures me, giving me a quick and chaste peck to my lips, continuing to run his other hand calmly up and down my arm.

I hadn't heard anything from Nikki that day, and I was hoping it'd stay like that until I had to see him in a few days when he got back, but before the night was through…

The phone rings, and I groan, my hand fumbling for it in the dark. 

I get it before Duff can wake up, yawning as I answer, "hello?" 

"Baby, I'm coming home." Nikki insists.

I furrow my brows and look at the clock. 

3:48a.m. 

"Nikki, it's nearly four in the morning here, what the hell?" I ask him quietly. 

"Vivian, just listen, alright, I fucking talked to Doc and he said…" he stops for a second, and I furrow my brows. "...he…" he sounds like he's falling asleep, or struggling against passing out under the influence. 

"Okay, Nikki, Doc's not letting you come home, early." I politely point out to him. 

"Well, he could." 

"He won't." I tell him. 

"Fuck him, I'm coming home."

"Why do you want to come home so damn bad, Nikki? Huh?" 

"Because I miss you." I have to keep myself from laughing and waking Duff up. 

"You're full of shit." I snap harshly. "And I'm going to bed, now--"

"--Vivian, please." He sounds like he's about to cry. "Please, listen to me, plea--"

"--Listen to you? Are you fucking me right now? I spent years listening to you but all you had to say was just a crock of shit, Nikki."

"Viv--"

"--No, you listen to me, Nikki, go burn. Go to hell." 

"Vivian--"

"--You had a mistress. For over a year. You chose junk over our marriage. You've made your fucking bed and have everything you've put me through in it, now lay down." I hiss. 

"Vivian--" his voice sounds like it's cracking. 

"--No, Nikki, by--"

"--I love you, Vivian." 

I put my hand over my mouth, squeezing my eyes closed, feeling tears hit the covers. 

"I love you." He repeats, so obviously out of it. 

"Nikki, you need to get help." I tell him. 

"I need to come home, and we'll fix stuff." 

I glance over at Duff, sleeping and breathe out. 

"There's nothing left to fix, Nikki." 

"Don't say that." He says and I rub my lips together…

"Nikki, get some rest and you'll be home soon and we'll talk about it then." I lie.