#i have other thoughts on this but...

[landscaping-your-mind]

@a-mag-a-day

(taking the quotes from the official transcripts with all "John"s changed to "Jon"s because it's more reliable and... stuff. there's also cws at the top of them)

Anyway, this is mostly a stream of consciousness ramble as I listen to the episode, featuring being sad about Jon Sims, talking some more about how the fear entities work, some Lines that I am very eyes emoji towards, and Lorell St John defending.

Also here's a meta that I really like that is sorta related to this episode. Here is is on the wayback machine, and here is the previous meta.

"iT wAs SuPPosED tO bE a GlOriOuS dAY" sorry ive heard this ad so much-

I like Georgie, I just wish that she liked Jon. Like, I understand why she left, but it just makes me really sad, like couldn't she just give him a chance?

ARCHIVIST (weakly) That's a very good question.

HE MAKES A GREAT ENTERANCE! DRAMATIC BASTARD :3

ARCHIVIST Six... Uh, the others? T-Tim, is he...? ... Oh.

:(

ARCHIVIST Honestly, I, I think I'm alright. (Georgie sighs deeply) ARCHIVIST I mean, that's... good, right? I- GEORGIE After a six-month long coma? No, it's not. This isn't how it's supposed to go, Jon. ARCHIVIST I- What? You'd prefer I was brain damaged? D-Dead? BASIRA Jon... ARCHIVIST What? BASIRA Georgie, could you give us a minute? There are some things we should probably discuss? GEORGIE (Irritated) Fine. ARCHIVIST Georgie, I- GEORGIE Jon, if this really is a second chance, please try to take it. But I don't think that it is. ARCHIVIST Georgie, I don't--! GEORGIE Take care of yourself. (The Archivist sighs and attempts to speak.) [Door opens and closes as Georgie leaves.] ARCHIVIST What about you? Disappointed to see me alive? Basira? BASIRA We can deal with it later. ARCHIVIST Yeah, okay.

HE WOKE FROM A COMA LESS THAN FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO-

Like, this is my worst fucking nightmare, two people I'm reasonably close with saying or heavily implying that they'd prefer I was dead what the fuck. Just the way he sounded like he was yk, making a joke asking Basira and she doesn't respond, and he asks again and she just says they'll deal with it later and-

WHAT THE FUCK ITS BEEN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES. I-

[Image ID: A drawing of someone leaning forward in a chair, horrified. /End ID]

ARCHIVIST (The Archivist takes a deep breath) Statement of, uh... uh... Lorell St John, regarding, uh... (small chuckle) zombies. Original statement given 1st February 2015. Recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.

I remember I LOST MY MIND at that part, at him calling himself the Archivist, but I didn't message anything to my friend, and I didn't share it on my story, but I was VERY abnormal about that. Oh boy. Just um. OH BOY

People always used to tell me I was solipsistic. They said that I never really engaged with other people, never acted like they really existed or mattered, at least not in the same way that I did. And I suppose in many ways they were right. It’s hard to explain without sounding stupid. Obviously other people are real, obviously the, the way a building is real or my watch is real. They exist. If people weren’t real, I’m, I’m sure I would find them much less of a chore. So no, I don’t “not believe in other people”. I just find it very difficult to feel for others. I can’t understand them and they’ve always seemed… Well, there’s no tactful way to say it, they’ve always just seemed a little bit pointless. I know what my pain feels like, and I know what my joy feels like, but when I see those same things on the faces of my friends or my enemies, I feel… Well, that’s it, isn’t it? I don’t really feel anything

Like... same. Yk, low empathy. Just... makes you feel more distant. And it's fine, it's not a bad way to be, it's just a way to be. But... yeah I mean. Yeah. I relate to the statement giver. Lorell St John defense club. She did a lot wrong, but she isn't... a terrible person, she just did some stuff wrong. She hurt people, but like, she isn't irredeemable and... I like her. Like okay, if we're going to defend Jon even if he's hurt people knowing full well they'd be terrified, relying on them to be terrified, then I'm pretty sure we can defend Lorell for hurting people who she didn't think were people. I have feelings about her.

I like the idea that they are actually real but that her fear of them not being real manifested in something actually not being real and, in her mind, confirming that she was right, that she's the last real human out there.

There's a lot of stuff here that can point to different fears because Smirke's 14 isn't ,the end all be all, yada yada, gender. Maybe The Spiral, because she thinks she's the only one that can see them which could have led to her doubting her own perception of things, but she doesn't. Could be The Lonely, because she sometimes found herself alone, in a room only with those zombies, similar to MAG 108 - Monologue, which is similarly iffy on its placement in Smirke's framework. Word of God says it's The Stranger, which it could very well be, things that are not human infiltrating society, that's pretty Stranger. I have also seem the interpretation that they're The Extinction. Fear of humanity being gone, and something else in its place. I... I think that it's a mix of The Lonely, The Stranger, and The Extinction, but there are plenty of different interpretations, and the author is dead, so take its placement in The Stranger playlist as canon or not, your choice.

I first saw him in the street. It wasn’t difficult to guess what he was, half the people around him were just as hollow and soulless, but there was something else to him.

This could point to all the other "zombies" being just Lorell thinking they were zombies, and not actually being soulless. Perhaps.

Had he taken Norma’s self, her, her soul? Or had she always been a zombie, cramped into her little open plan desk, patiently listening to client complaints, and I just hadn’t noticed?

I can see why The Spiral could be an interpretation of this. Not trusting her own perceptions, could Norma have always been a zombie? Can Lorell trust any "real" people if she didn't notice that Norma was a zombie?

They’re all like that now. You’re all like that, I suppose. I have no reason to believe anyone will read this who would be any different, no reason to believe you’ll be able to read this, that you won’t simply stare blankly at this page before performing your response, your artificial opinion. There is every chance that I am the only one left, and the whole world has fallen to a soulless horde, devoid of life and feeling.

And here's where The Extinction comes in. Is she alone in like a different world, a domain of The Stranger, Lonely, Extinction, or whatever? Just surrounded by the empty shells of humans just like she feared. He fears manifested by The Fears, and turned into "[her] own private hell" (bonus points for anyone who knows where that's from). And that leads me on to the point of... well, Avatars aren't the only ones who can shape The Fears. Her fear of being alone surrounded by empty soulless husks seems to have manifested into being alone surrounded by empty soulless husks. I think that's really interesting.

Even so, thank you for pretending to care.

This line just makes me sad. She knows -- or believes -- she's completely alone, and the only interactions she can get are from things she knows -- or believes -- aren't human, aren't even alive, not properly. I'm just... really sad about Lorell St John. God, get her a hug, and a real life human friend, and some actual help from a real life human person... But it's too late for that, isn't it. Either they're not real, and she's in the real world, and she believes wholeheartedly that no one around her is real -- which is actually the better of the two situations -- or she's in a different world, surrounded by people who aren't people, and... well, her fear at being the last one left, her fear of the people who aren't people surrounding her, her isolation... well, I'm sure it's a feast for The Fears. I don't think they're likely to let her go any time soon.

It can be hard, though, sometimes, other, other people. Feelings. I-I’m trying to focus, trying to make sure I’m the same me as before, but how can anyone really remember that? How do you know you’re the same person that went to sleep?

Low empathy Jarchivist rights?

This gets me thinking about the whole teleportation thing, and not being the same person, just being killed and reconstructed exactly the same. What makes you you? Is it your memories? The actual, physical stuff that makes up your body? Is it something else? Is it just a feeling? I like thinking about stuff like that. Metaphysics is interesting.

ARCHIVIST I don’t… Music. Everything was wrong. Gertrude was there and then… dancing? I think? Then… pain, and I was somewhere else. Dreaming

You were somewhere else you say. Interesting. I'm sure that turn of phrase won't come up ever again. /s

To transcribe from messages to Jay Mapleejay (follow owl pls ty)

KILLING AND MAIMING "Somewhere else" EE And that's like his spooky dream hellscape Obviously you know, you've listened to the same podcast i have AND THEN LIKE OBVIOUSLY THE SOMEWHERE ELSE IN EPISODE 200 LIKE 👀UHH UH UH UH

So, that's interesting in a completely normal way.

(Oh funnily enough in an earlier message on that topic I said "I'm gonna make a tumblr post about this. At some point." so. yep)

Oh and some other thinking about the first 3 episodes about season 4 things:

what RIGHT did the first three episodes of tma [season 4] have to be: 1. Emotionally damaging 2. HAVE UH THAT??? THAT??? [referring to the somewhere else thing] 3. *dying in parallels* 4. low/no empathy character <3 she's just like me fr 5. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU DID YOU THINK YOU COULD GET AWAY FROM THE BRAIN THINKING HAHAHAHAHAH L

Jay said "relistening to tma is a form of torture /hj" and I have to agree tbh. I'm in emotional pain.

ARCHIVIST (Darkly) What did he do to Martin?

*points* GAY

Well, I guess we should probably let one of the nurses know I’m awake. I’m sure they have all sorts of tests to do, make sure I’m not a zombie or a…

Or a what Jon?

ARCHIVIST (Calling) Oh, or a cup of t- ... Okay.

AND HERE WE END, VERY SAD, JONS HAVING A BAD TIME, SOMETHINGS GOING ON WITH MARTIN, AND NOTHING IS OKAY! Perfect start to season 4 :) depression, the season.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Vulcan teen on Vulcan [tiktok] saying "I have just lost track of my father in the grocery store." The camera turns to show the viewers the grocery store in which almost every single older middle-aged man has a bowlcut and long robes. Camera turns back to show the teen's face which is expressionless and yet communicates all it needs to.

[hamletthedane]

The movie Wicked is proof that any source material can be vastly improved by simply making the intense female friendship much gayer + the mutual male love interest both wildly bisexual and lowkey down to just be their third

[evercelle]

it was all so simple then

[yeepof]

Local PHD student at wizard school HARRASSED!! FOR SHAME!!

[fraternum-momentum]

give me your complete and unwavering devotion.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[valtsv]

are we still doing this because i have a late submission

[fair-itself]

There's a lot I could say about The Subtance as an unflinching, gruesome close-up portrait of systemic misogyny, internalized sexism, self-hatred, and the brutality of fame, but more importantly, you know what I bet? I bet there is exactly one customer of The Subtance who is doing everything right. Week one, makes a living as a fitness influencer; week two, enjoys a lavish retirement funded by her other self's earnings. Week one, jogging, yoga, filming tiktoks, enjoying the vitality of youth; week two, Alaskan cruises, mahjong with the girls, enjoying unlimited free time and liberation from the crushing weight of the societal expectation to care what other people think of you. Keeps her other self on a nice air mattress with a quilt and always cooks a big recovery breakfast to be waiting for her when she switches. Walks out of that creepy alley every week whistling. Has no idea potential complications even exist. Every other user is living a psychedelic horror show of trauma, goop, and rage, and she's just at Barnes and Noble picking up the latest selection for book club. I know I'm alone in this, but I would happily watch that sequel.

[cronchy-baguette]

'cause when i see me through your eyes

i love me, so don't leave my side

[punch--card]

so like imagine Undertale characters but they're all crafts supplies (Undyne and Alphys) (Toriel and Asgore)

[mooreaux]

Love Undying

[mochasucculent]

Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

[impishtubist]

I've never been explicit about this because I'm a Fandom Old, and back in the day it was simply understood that anything on the Internet was fair game to do with what you wish, but: if you see a story of mine out there and you like it, download it. Fuck if I care. Keep it for yourself, distribute it to friends, print copies for yourself and your friends, mail it to people, I don't give a shit. As long as you're not exchanging money, I couldn't care less. And tbh you should be doing this with all fanfics you love - print them, save them, put them on a flash drive or a hard drive or share them with friends, whatever. Fanfic authors these days are really fucking precious about their fics, but honestly we're probably going to start seeing queer art being disappeared (especially in the US under the next president) so do whatever you can to archive the things you love to read. Even if that means just printing them out and sticking them in a binder for yourself to read as a bedtime story.

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.