#i have nothing in common with ANYONE in my family lmao

[monsterhugger]

ppl talk about oldest sibling struggles what about oldest COUSIN. I’m out here oldest of 10 watching everyone I’m related to having fun together playing candyland or some shit and I have a full time job and am looking for an apartment

[doctapuella]

my aunt doesnt call me, she texts "ok to call?" which is a thousand times worse becauae if she calls and its not a good time i simply wont answer and if its a good time i will. very straight forward. but nooo she has to engage in emotional terrorism by texting me this, putting all the burden of connection on ME and it irrationally causes me to have a spike in anxiety because its all on me now and i have to stop fucking crying before texting back and i hate this and also everything

[unproduciblesmackdown]

the "what are you even talking about, like what do you mean when you say this" overlap imo between people talking about who's Bad At """conflict""" & talking about who's Bad At """"""social skills"""""" like. those supposed Social Skills being about carbonized Rituals that serve to indicate you're not a threat to each other, b/c the only reason to truly deviate from "never behaving in a way someone doesn't expect or feel they immediately understand / sympathize with" is b/c you're using more spontaneous communication to Fight, with an eventual winner/loser, and talking is just a power struggle and/or power play to assert your preestablished higher status, i.e. already being thee A Winner here

like this exhausting dynamic b/w these two bros just like talking about what they got out of [xyz] experience and how perhaps especially when you're supposed to be [the concept of Men] things are elevated re: the proximity to / frequency of fighting each other and always assessing each other's Threat Level, and these two random guys just have this tepid discussion and any time someone goes "and i also alternately/additionally thought/felt [xyz]" the other one does the bizarre like, semi exasperated? "no yeah Of Course" as though like oh we are so on the same page you didn't even have to say that and actually you're kind of an asshole for even starting to say it before i immediately cut in as soon as i realized i could agree at all to tell you to shove off with voicing it, how dare you even theoretically think i don't think exactly what you're thinking now shut up….again: exhausting

like Communication, the more freeform or extensive, is Bad, b/c you're potentially in Conflict, and conflict is fighting & being threats to each other & someone potentially needing to be crushed b/c how else do you resolve a Conflict Fight? versus like, can not the concept of A Conflict be more distilled to something so matter of fact that nobody even needs to Feel any ways about it. like the "theoretical" conflicts that would just be like. something can't happen as something hypothetically intended it to. like a scheduling conflict being, in fact, a conflict, without anyone needing to have been in the wrong for having an appointment on thursday afternoon, and without anyone needing to Concede The Point of scheduling anything on a thursday afternoon b/c they are the one who Lost w/e negotiation about how to work around this. can not "i was operating on one understanding of what's going on for you / what you're trying to do and why, and now what's happening isn't aligning with that idea that i had about how things are" be a conflict that can be resolved by perhaps talking to that person. versus assuming you must be correct b/c you're normal and so something's wrong with them and/or they're messing with you on purpose b/c they're an asshole now, and even if you realize you were wrong about something way down the line you can just be like "well sorreeee how was eye supposed to know [xyz] and i Thought i was being Nice b/c i Thought you were [xyz] so i was in the right and now you're coming after me by being like 'actually by doing that maybe you hurt or even simply inconvenienced me' like so i'm evil now?? could you not have politely let me keep stepping on your toes forever b/c i assumed something was true? and if you did ummm How Could You Be So Bad At Conflict as to know ppl respond [like this] and so instead politely let me keep stepping on your toes?????? i also resent all this"

versus if you see the conflict of "i seem to have misunderstood you / you misunderstand me" as Not Necessarily Threatening then you can comfortably just actually communicate about it. that autistic people who are used to thinking of themselves through the lens of [how others may interpret any/everything about them], having to be more aware of themself as An Other than A Self, won't assume everyone's reading everyone else's mind at all, or even think of that as the ideal approach, and will like, readily give & seek information from others to actually try to be on the same page and have this Constructive experience where you've worked together to navigate your interaction as two different people who would not somehow magically be in alignment, unless you consider the "alignment" to be the power differences that must exist and the priority in Socializing, thus what makes for "good" "social skills," is never threatening them, or god forbid Disrespecting them by Ignoring them: say, how autistic people will have less status/[the social capital] b/c of being autistic, yet the assholes will be Talking (the medium of a fight) and Asking anything of others like participation in an interaction (fighting) and btw by thinking they're Allowed to talk all freestyle rather than in the hollow scripts of "i'm amicable i'm not threatening you. directly. this may be passive aggressive" and by treating me as a mere equal they're trying to drag me down to their level and/or elevate themself to mine, and b/c this is a disruption of the power hierarchy that must exist, we have a problem, and they started it, and they're an asshole

(also: i & many people Do also consciously disrespect & ignore the [socializing = power struggles] concept & its goings on lol. and there's also ofc no real "normal" Universal social style across all cultures and groups and individuals and Misinterpretation ft. bad faith reactions happens on endless fronts. but nt people will pretend there are Rules that everyone has had to be Trained on and if you disobey you'll never deserve to be treated as a person. all "and people only smile when they're happy. unless, did i miss a memo? that frowns means happy now???" etc etc like you see it's all passive aggression or the tools of passive aggressiveness but to "help" someone without threatening them but you Can be pissed if they misunderstand, or at least know you were in the right.)

the way it's Normal(tm) to never actually think of how you don't Know someone else's thoughts/feelings, to never presume they could operate differently and for reasons you can't just accurately infer with a guess re: why You'd do it, to not try to actively undergo a mutually cooperative interaction to better understand each other / be working with the same info, but oh it's autistic people who Are doing all this who never think about how other people are different from their weirdo asses. the "social skills" of assuming wrongly, getting mad at others for supposedly realities you just made up, responding to assuming xyz & being mad about it by punishing/excluding someone & possibly getting others in on it. whilest nd people with their Wrong social existences & approaches are always navigating communicating/socializing as something to do actively & consciously to connect with & understand other people and Don't necessarily think [wow this person doesn't seem to be behaving Amicably towards me?] is a) correct or b) proof they're an enemy to defeat, b/c that's how they're generally treated? the whole time you know communication can fail and you're navigating that w/active effort & constructive intent while people who operate on [if someone does something you don't expect / not according to the script: kill or be killed. or kill just b/c you can & that's the only way you can relate to yourself/others] are like wow what an asshole who i guess doesn't want to get along with anyone so let's see them in hell.

not to mention being shut out from even basics of communication b/c socializing is about respective power levels and you do need Authority to do things like "say whatever" or "have people care about your personal experience at any time" or "say anything at all, actually" like ppl discussing things like "i don't know that i can't Read Cues, vs that i just know they might mean any number of things" vs if someone's not looking at you while you talk it can't be b/c they're actually trying to listen better, it's b/c they're ignoring you / uninterested to pwn you, if they show they relate by saying "hey yeah that's like when i [xyz]" they're one upping to pwn you, if they smile they're happy people only smile when they're happy unless did i miss a memo that frowns means happy??? b/c if someone also makes any expression it Must have been caused by You and they're letting you know as much to pwn you.....or ppl talking about how they can never jump into a conversation b/c they just Can't Get The Timing Right the way other allistic ppl can walk right up and barge in and be absorbed into the convo, or even have a [one on one convo w/ the autistic person] quickly turn into [one on one w/the newcomer, Excluding the autistic person] and other people being like, is it about our "social skills" and "timing" or is about when you' have the authoriti're understood to have the superior social status, you Deserve to do things like cut in on a whim and be listened to, timing does not matter, Not ignoring / forgetting the inferior person does not matter. like, the issue isn't always just "i tried to jump in and it went a bit awkwardly," it can be standing there and talking and being completely ignored w/o much evident conscious effort, or even the least time on some pending [choice to ignore]. you can be hypothetically In the interaction, like, allowed in the group, w/o people noticing when you talk, b/c you don't warrant Listening/Processing, or at least, the least response to indicate that and thus validate that An Exchange is occurring, versus: shut up already b/c shut up always unless someone else wants you to one word answer a question and then possibly misunderstand you w/hostility, but if you Explain anything in unasked (as it always is) depth you're a) out of line, nobody told you to talk more hence the only reason you'd be justified to do so b) defensive, also out of line when you deserve others' judgment, and/or obviously a sign of knowing you're out of line and thus doing too much to avert your just punishment c) providing info b/c you think w/o info i might be Wrong b/c i'm Dumb & Bad. no You. d) all of the above and more

and if, perhaps because trying to talk live & in person means stuff like the above, and other behaviors/mannerisms being judged as weird so let's kill them b/c obv they're killing us by being so weird, and if you're trying to be "normal" that's diminishing your ability to actually communicate or like get through your day and requires hurting yourself for the benefit of others so they don't hurt you more (spoilers. the resonance w/experiences of other instances of "you're responsible for how other ppl, who are superior / have authority, treat you, and have to 'earn' their positive treatment or even neutrality b/c you do not Already inherently deserve it," i.e. interpersonal abuse) and still won't even fully or always work (see prior parenthetical) b/c even if one person pretends things b/w multiple parties can be unilateral, it is not (see: prior)....anyways and If all that means say, someone can communicate a) more effectively and b) with less real pain & depletion via Other Mediums, like emails / otherwise written, non real time correspondance, or god forbid something so Unreasonable as real time / in person that's still not talking, with correct Tone and Inflection and Body Language and Posture and Eye Contact and Handshake and Je Ne Sais Quoi and Cut Of Your Jib and All American Interests And Sensibilities and Etcccc, like what a tyrannical demand that could just never even be considered and i have the Right to eye contact and phone call and etc etc etc (you do not) Stop Hiding (you warrant avoidance if you think no one should be able to avoid you)

and parallel to nd people having the theory of mind and social/communication skills that don't understand all interactions as asserting or vying for power or indicating you're Not threatening someone in the realm of supposed social power, and thus do not operate with that premise, the victim blaming that is "obviously that treatment is bad and i would know it is bad and not tolerate it because it is bad. so people subjected to it have to be worse than me, and deserve it more" where it's also definitely not the fault of the people issuing the treatment, b/c how could they Really know it's bad if the other person is experiencing it without Stopping them, hence telling them It's Okay??? well sorrreeeeee how was i supposed to know that [xyz] was actually hurting you, it's your fault for not blowing up at me, which would've been deemed this uncalled for reaction if you had, and now i'm mad if you're Making me feel Bad b/c that's the discomfort that really matters????? fuck you for telling me, with this kind of response why didn't you tell me?? like, uh oh, same logic at work. and that when other people keep running into the realities that actually their good faith expressing of "actually this hurts me" or more spontaneous reactions to being hurt are just taken as justifications to treat Them as some aggressor / problem creator wronging the other, ofc they aren't likely to simply keep trying that when it's not serving the purpose it "should" or supposedly Would, b/c well if only this person did xyz then nothing bad could ever happen to anyone. and when people ofc Have to become accustomed to [other person or people who can & will treat them badly if they want to, or even just thoughtlessly, b/c they can, & don't choose to do the opposite, b/c even if they're aware they've hurt someone it only matters if they feel justified / they care more about keeping their relative status (it's being autistic, it's [the Authority of Superior Status is coming from inside the house: the concept that husband owns a wife, parents own children; familial abuse])] then it's like wowww they just put up with it, it's their fault then. god forbid that even if they extricate themself from one abusive situation, they're still vulnerable, other ppl take advantage of the vulnerability & they're now in another abusive situation and are used to navigating that indefinitely, vs how someone else might have the preexisting advantage of Not being used to that, not having the experiences to navigate it more indefinitely, finding it more extraordinary & thus having more confidence in their assessment of the situation, and not having the kind of vulnerability in the first place to a) have been in such situations prior b) be stuck in this one now, including perhaps being able to expect that their feelings will matter to others and others will support/help them on that basis, or that their feelings will even be regarded as real/existent. Being Autistic.

(also, yknow, other nd experiences. like adhd classics of "but if you cared / cared to try, you would simply [xyz]" and the like. this is about the crossovers, this is about the "it's the same thing. [who has the restricted autonomy? who has the power at the expense of others' autonomy?] extended universe")

and like the idea that abused people were just Bad at """Conflict.""" and that even if they're extricated from one abusive situation, they might have xyz behaviors / approaches that aren't Normal and that Those make them "worse" at "conflict" too. that nobody "normal" could be lacking in their "normal" approach to interacting with others, neurodivergent people and others who get to be, like, Others(tm) others, definitely don't have [behaviors / experiences related to repeated trauma??] pretty across the board, they're probably just doing more fucking up at being normal which is why they don't get to be considered normal in the first place, ofc. like, what tf is Normal Joe doing to question if they're perhaps not now and have not always been and may not always be the Perfect Interactor. much less to actively try to navigate that, and assume there'll be more to learn b/c there's all these other people who are all different and all always changing. and to perhaps Try to be safe to interact with beyond "well i Mean well" "well a normal person wouldn't regard anything i did as Tryinnng to hurt someone" "well is it my fault i just Assumed you were simply as normal as me? aka the nice thing to do? the thing you should be trying to do?? way to be a weirdo, like having experienced traumatic harm and now that's like, a part of your life and you're not actually Wrong about it or Lied To that that's possible b/c it clearly is and you can't be aware of the precarity re: that happening again b/c welll it's not normal for it to happen surely, i'd Know if it was, you can't recognize your vulnerability, you're kind of an asshole for making that experience anyone else's problem, it's not My fault, keep it to yourself and just get over it asap" like the real problem is if someone might have to so much as consider consciously doing something differently b/c someone else is different than they thought and also nobody's Above considering others and how they're affected by your actions. liiike so long as i didn't mean to, or so long as we don't really care about how they're doing b/c they Are less of a person with a wronger existence that means they bring it upon themself and there's a Narrative about how actually my Superiority is a noble burden that is only trying to punish them towards being as superior as me. and/orrrr i don't even have to think about it & thus have any narrative b/c it's so streamlined / obfuscated as there being any deliberate interference that this is all just Normal, right. people are out of line suggesting [xyz] is ableist or something b/c ughhh it's not about any principle it's about some emotional quota like, okay i've begrudgingly assessed Some things as sympathetic/reasonable to not do, & that's enough, & you can only ask so much of me vs this being a constant often conscious lifelong matter to deal with like it is for people who could be hurt by it?? the contempt is effortless and normal and you have to be trying to be evil & feel evil about it for anything to count. if other people say they're affected a) who cares b) they're probably being too sensitive. another way they're worse. i'm not entitled here c) are they even frowning to prove they're sad? well they're either too sensitive Or they're manipulatively exaggerating / faking it anyways. the convenient fact that nobody can provide external ""proof"" of their thoughts or feelings or intentions, which means i'm always justified if know i think i am, which, let me check, yep: i know i think i do, and it means that i can assume other people are shit inside and hurting them doesn't do anything Real and they deserve it anyways

anyways merely being Normal Mode and Not Thinking You've Been Malicious Or, Sometimes More Importantly, Out Of Line Re: Your Justified Authority is maybe not a basis of successful interactions. what if you try thinking of yourself as [an other, to all others] and not better than other people if you've never much noticed being treated as worse, or at least not as As Worse as Those people or That person, and maybe just b/c You'd only explain something to someone to patronize them b/c nothing should ever not be immediately understood, doesn't mean other people trying to convey their experiences and ideas to you b/c they know you're different people are attacking you as so inferior to you as to be patronized, b/c you're different ppl and they Are better at communicating / socializing when not treating others as inferior or superior Or only equal b/c of being Litchrelly the same person as you, Never even share a thought b/c Of Course i'd immeidately agree with it, how dare you, shut the fuck up

(thinking how people can Parallelly share a space without talking / seemingly interacting more directly than that, as "i am comfortable w/your presence" and/or "we can both use this space as we see fit simultaneously w/little to no need to hash anything out abt it / may rather silently work around what the other is doing" and this may be seen as signaling hostility / contempt / some power play, like also when cats do it b/c they choose to be around you. or just so Weird. you can't even go to a public place Alone, are you kidding? weird And sad)

maybe just saying "don't be afraid to ask questions / for help :)" doesn't make everyone comfortable asking questions / for help, or otherwise able to. maybe not even doing that much & simply thinking your being Normal & correctly Friendly implicitly conveys it to all & makes you approachable is not that guarantee, either. maybe saying "just tell me if anything makes You uncomfortable" doesn't put the responsibility on them for real, just surely takes any blame off you (no?). like sorry do you Want to asap reach a point where you can forever stop being concerned with how what you do may affect others and assume you're perfectly correct abt the needs of everyone you encounter and how your behavior is good enough to one size fits all treat anyone? speaking of being patronizing, and the attitudes behind it. someone who's abused is now Wronger about how to treat them so that they can feel safe. if they want to communicate in ways that seem weird or too distant they're wronging Me, if some misalignment can only be recognized through someone being hurt (as only judged as reasonable / real by the more Normal party) and having to have a conflict as a Fight to determine who the Wrong / Loser party is, what do you mean that's not going to feel safe to everyone. it can't be that a lot of people easily hurt others without having to notice it or Feel wrong about it. dunno how it could be that ppl are like "does being autistic share traits/behaviors associated w/trauma or is it that like everyone is all but guaranteed trauma for being autistic" and if it does well clearly what matters is no normal people feeling bad for thoughtless contemptuous abusive treatment or having to consider operating on different social values/principles towards any & everyone? the autistic people should just become not autistic, i.e. not exist, i.e. also it's their fault how other ppl treat them, whoops it's the same logic behind [anyone abused in any situation / form]

also the idea that like, what, oh someone's Wronged if they didn't feel they had the Chance to Befriend someone or even be Close to them, like, what, is anyone Entitled to even have some trial run at being any given person's friend, or close to them, or w/e other personal access to them? ppl can then cite a noble Concern like oh but if they don't let anyone in they'll be alone, oh but if a child avoids me their shit parent in their room then that can't be good for them, oh but if an autistic person goes unpunished then they'll always be hated & mistreated (as deserved), like, the primarily cited Benevolent Magnanimous reason for the disdain is secondary to [i'm just justifying continuing on exactly as i've been doing, b/c i already can] like yeah oh my god could it be possible that people in shitty positions going through shitty experiences might have complicated reactions to that reality that is different than yours but not Wronger just b/c you think yours is better / more Normal, which means better. and if they ever take on any blame / take on more responsibility in ways that they direct inwards, like that they Continue to be responsible for how others feel about them, what they assume about them, and how they treat them, (which they probably are b/c that's totally for [inferior abnormaller people] like nervous unconfident loser weirdos like them who just Failed to respect Themselves enough to not be abused & continue to be blamed for that, as well as for not being treated w/basic respect as an equal person) well then how heroic to use the idea of their compounding hurt to wash your hands of your own responsibility in any interactions w/them. they have to become as Normal as me first, how unreasonable for someone to recognize that even "normal" interactions involve some people being deemed superior while other people are more scrutinized, punished, and blamed, w/no recourse, even in Casual Friendly exchanges :) so mean to have been too uncomfortable to say they were uncomfortable or have felt too unsafe to say they felt unsafe! *i* was within my rights as [but i'm just so normal and well meaning] and i mean what do they expect, their standards are impossible and unreasonable and unfair b/c it's not i the range of Normal to Haaave to accommodate them (ugh. the Real imposition), and they're just using excuses vs taking Responsibility & enacting Agency anyways, their fault entirely. people are so sensitive these days you can't just have a conversation??? i have no problem w/this logic thanks

anyways it's half past one and i could always go on. normative standpoint "bad conflict skills" [handshake] "bad social skills" like hmm are they really. so heroic to worrying abt if [xyz] is bad for themself but what's good for themself would probably make you think they're even more of an asshole who's wronging you (e.g. someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [preventing the least conflicts via people pleasing], someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [being deemed marginally more socially successful via masking]), are you being wronged or did you presume you're entitled to something / perceive someone else as entitled b/c they weren't acting like you're inherently better than them, which you are, there's not a problem unless power is threatened, which makes it always the totally inferior people's faults, *i* didn't think there was a problem & *i* would've known (backup: well how was *i* supposed to know)....who gets to be superior, who's always in the Process of having to work for deserving basic respect as a person (b/c they keep failing to deserve it ofc), who's more vulnerable and has no recourse even if they don't like it and would be out of line just asking for otherwise / merely implying as much by expressing that they're hurt, who has the power to hurt someone whether through malicious schemes or spontaneous thoughtlessness/ignorance, who has restricted choices re: their autonomy, who gets to choose what happens to other people & the elements of their personhood, their time, energy, body, feelings, effort, etc, & hurt / imperil (require they take on more vulnerability/precarity) them to enforce it....but who cares like just go "i'm so normal that it's relatable" & wash your hands of anything, after all your time as the individual hero out here lol. try being an Other To Others rando as good as anyone else who can handle the idea they're wrong / don't already know how to be perfectly right abt everything / not feeling the least actively malicious or "out of line" isn't the end all be all sole priority. what are we talking about with what "conflict" fundamentally is, or how to approach it, or the same re: being "social"? well only assholes who wanna flex on me by being pedantic would bring it up

[simp4konig]

"You drive me crazy."

Obsessed! Nikto x Reader

Word count: 2472

Nikto's POV! Sporadic uses of "Y/N" — otherwise, reader is referred as "You".

To say that Nikto is obsessed with you would be an understatement 😵‍💫...

Nikto's psychological state gradually deteriorates as you read!

Google Translate Russian lmao 💀,, please forgive any errors! 😟

Edit: Realising that this fic is darker than my usual works. Warning my readers for darker content!

Edit 2: Added the appropriate "dark content" tags. <3

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I'm crazy: I don't think I needed to say, yes?

I know it. We know it. Everyone else knows it.

I've lost my mind long ago. We're losing it as we speak. I've lost myself long ago and I have not known what to do with ourselves.

Of course, not all was lost. I was cleared for service. I can approach situations without hesitation or uncertainty — but most importantly, kill methodically.

All I need are targets. Just give me targets. Nothing else matters. Nobody.

But I found you. I found you. And you found us. Although there was nothing to find, you found us.

How? It's a mystery. An enigma. An unsolvable puzzle.

My name is Igor. Igor Vasilyevich Yurievich.

Игорь. Igor. I—gor. Two syllables. Four letters, in English. A not so common name in Russia, according to the statistics: in 1991 — the year of my birth — approximately 37 baby boys born were named as such. In 2021, only 17 baby boys born were named Igor. I would assume the number declines each year — maybe less than a dozen Igors were christened this year. Or a single digit. Nine. Eight. Seven. Or even less than five.

October 13, 1991 was my exact date of birth. I was born in Novgorod, when Russia was still the Soviet Union. I had parents. A sister…

…Yet that means nothing to me.

Igor Vasilyevich Yurievich? That is foreign. That is not anyone that I know of. I am Nikto. I am no one. Nobody to know, yet somebody that I know of. Not this… Igor. I am nobody. Никто.

When the voices are quiet, that's when I can silently mourn the man that I once was.

Though, can you mourn someone whom you don't know? Can you mourn the faceless person in the casket, whose face is unrecognisable? Can you mourn at a funeral that no one attended, and hadn't taken process?

I'm crazy: I don't think I needed to repeat it, yes?

I knew it. We knew it. Everyone else knew it.

But you didn't. You. You.

You… remind me of someone.

They're dead now.

They were just a target. Too bad I can't remember who they were.

But you're not. You're more than a target.

You treated me with kindness when everyone avoided me like the bubonic plague. A Black Death following the death of the former Igor Vasilyevich Yurievich and the black, black blackness lingering — a reminder. But not anything that allows us to remember, or reminds us of who we once were.

I don't remember anything. I don't remember anyone. Photographs of my family before the torture are irrelevant. Documents stamping my existence could just as easily make us inexistent. Nobody exists any more aside from Nikto.

A cacophony of voices has infiltrated my brain. Our brain. We will never be me anymore. We are who we are now.

I am a broken man. I hear the voices of many men, who won't let me sleep, won't leave me be, won't give me peace. I was one of those men. Maybe all of the men are me?

But if all of them are me, and I am all of them, then who are we? What are we?

Then again… who I am is nothing. What I are is everything. What we are — crazy.

The pieces of the puzzle aren't fully there. Surely you must have been aware, my treasure?

You were doing your due diligence to arrange the puzzle pieces, so meticulously and with dedication, devoting hours of your time and wishing for the finished product to be cohesive, but you won't find that within us. How unfortunate.

Some of the pieces are missing. Some of them don't even fit. What you're left with is an incomplete picture — one which will never be completed.

No matter. You can be the missing puzzle piece, yes?

My fellow operatives named me Никто — “Nikto”, meaning “Nobody” or “No-one” in Russian — for… what did they say? My “uncanny ability to replicate other people and hide [my] true identity”? Ironic — seeing as replicating an identity is not the same as claiming your own, and being an individual. Having an actual identity, as opposed to being forced to think that being nobody can suffice.

Funny. I was apparently religious before all of this.

Have you heard of Orthodox Christianity? It's a branch of Christianity most often practised in Eastern Europe, in case you weren't aware. Orthodox Christians believe that Jesus redeemed humanity by sacrificing himself through crucifixion — unlike Catholics, who believe that Jesus sacrificing himself through crucifixion was all in an effort to redeem humanity.

Perhaps I was an altar boy in my childhood. Or wore a cross around my neck. Maybe I was devoted, and prayed in the morning, before a meal for grace, in the night, before a mission for mercy, during a mission out of desperation, and after a mission as gratitude.

Such bullshit.

Obviously, God doesn't exist — not in the ethereal, omniscient sense.

Oh no.

The God is You. You are my God.

Just like with Orthodox Christianity, and the salvation of humanity after the sacrifice of Jesus, your presence, your mere existence, was salvation. You brought redemption unto us.

Of course, following my torture, God became an abstract concept. How could the Holy Father abandon me? How could my prayers after the tortue be so wilfully ignored? Why would he actively play a passive role in my damnation, as I'm burned, as I'm beaten, as I'm bruised, abused, cut, and mutilated?

No one was born a sinner. Not even me, this nobody. So what kind of retribution was this — a disfigured face, ruined body, and voices which infiltrated my psyche, words equivalent to the evil of the Antichrist?

But You? You made it worthwhile. Your kindness. Compassion. Charity. It was all worthwhile. Even to gaze at You from afar.

Well.

For the most part.

We have repented for our sins: stealing Your dirty laundry, Your hairbrush, Your t-shirts, and other trinkets which we deem Holy Relics; using Your lip balm without permission, You none the wiser; committing sinful acts in the comfort of your own bedroom, only for You to return, oblivious. We apologise for that nagging paranoia, demanding You to turn around, to catch a glimpse of the eyes staring at You, but You not noticing us when we were camouflaged in the shadows. For stalking You and learning Your schedule. For hacking into all of Your devices and acquiring every little piece of information available from Your digital footprints.

But, You forgive us, yes?

Don't look so horrified, dushka. We left no trace, yes? No evidence. You said You have forgiven all of our transgressions. Think of this as a confession, nothing more. Besides, we never tampered with You belongings. They're all still with us. Just like you will.

You are our oxygen. Without You, we can't breathe. Our lungs suffocate without Your natural scent to fill them, to keep us alive. Our eyes go blind with time without the sight of Your face, Your body. We can't hear anything other than Your voice — our ears tune out any frequencies and wavelengths that don't leave those pretty little lips, yet wage civil war amongst ourselves, spitting curses that cut like knives and pierce like bullets. And Your lips. And Your eyes. And Your eyebrows, hair, hands, neck, God — everything.

You won't abandon us, yes? You wouldn't abandon us, would you, мое сокровище? You are our treasure. I treasure you — all of us do: your pretty little lips, that speak in the softest of tones to us; those eyes that stare in slight fright, yet crinkle in as genuine of a smile as you can manage; those eyebrows that furrow over your bright eyes in the subtlest of frowns, in sorrow or frustration, maybe vexation — and that's just your face. What about your hair? Your hands? Your neck? Your body? What is there not to treasure?

Боже мой, Bozhe moy, my God. Oh God, it's as if an angel has descended and granted us salvation, a merciful deity absolving us of our sins and cleansing our soul. And both the angel and deity are You — working in perfect sync, so benevolent and forgiving, taking pity on a creature so pitiful, so ruined, so unfixable.

We can't remember what some of those was.

Those puzzle pieces, of course.

Zakhaev’s torture stole some of the pieces to the jigsaw, and the puzzle won't ever be solved. We ourselves interrogate, torture, eliminate, kill. Sometimes we dissociate. Other times I am completely in control. Yet all the time, we are committing sins, sins, sins.

And You forgive them. Forgive us.

Every prayer is us praying for you, to you, about you. And each one concludes with your sacred name, whispered in hushed tones as the syllables are too precious to utter out loud.

Poor, poor thing. You probably didn't even know what you were signing up for, did you? You probably intended to be charitable. Sympathetic. And you were, sweet one.

But you were naive to have assumed that we wouldn't become possessive of you like an unwanted stay mutt of its only bone. So innocent — perhaps stupid — but we like to think that you were misguided in your intentions, yet guided by some God.

An ignorant God? If You're the God to worship, then are You an ignorant one? An innocent, naive, and unconditionally loving one? Yet, one that, despite Their obliviousness, can knowingly soothe with a simple string of words? With a caress?

What an oxymoron. It suits You. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Aw. Are those tears, dushka? Let's wipe them, hmm? Kiss it better, yes? You will like our lips on you.

Don't scream. Don't hurt those vocal cords. We like the sound of your voice. We want you to talk.

There there, little one. You look beautiful when you cry, but you look most beautiful when you're smiling. Smile, hm? Do it for us. Your Nikto.

You don't have to be afraid, you know. Don't be afraid, krasotka. We love you.

Here, put your hand on our chest. Feel how our heart is beating? It beats only for you.

Our abdomen, our stomach. You feel how toned that is, yes? You feel the muscle?

What about our biceps? The strength in our forearms? They're all for you. We're all yours, yours yours yours.

Our blood looks good on you, dushka. The blood really accentuates your nails. But please, stop. Stop.

You don't have to scratch us, or scream. You know that none of that will change anything. You know that we will love you, even if you tell us you hate us. It's too late.

Get used to touching us, yes? What's left of us, anyways. Yes, our body won't be the most appealing, or the handsomest, but it's all for you. Every inch. All for you — just like how you are all ours.

You're ours, just as much as we belong to you. You could stab us with a knife and we'd smile. You could shoot us with a gun point-blank in the head and we'd thank you. What an honour it would be to live with you by your side, or die by your side. We're a dead man either way. Your dead man. Your Nikto.

You underestimated my capacity for violence. Or were perhaps too naive to understand it.

That's okay. Put your hand on my face. Just like that. See? Nothing to fear. It's just us. Your Nikto.

I can feel it shaking. Why do you shake so much, hm? Don't be afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of. You should know there's nothing to be afraid of. After all, you were fearless when it came to speaking to me, and weren't afraid to reach out to us. Surely you don't want to abandon us now?

That's too bad. You won't abandon us. We won't let you.

I'm crazy: I don't think I need to repeat it, yes?

I know it. We know it. Everyone else knows it.

You drive me crazy.

You drive me crazy.

You drive me crazy.

So crazy.

So, so crazy.

I am already crazy yes but it is You who drives me to insanity do You know that? Why do You deny? Do not deny us this yes? Yes You do know that it is You who makes me mad beyond return of course You do You've always known it and You know it now little one You're just pretending feigning ignorance with surprise in Your eyes. Why pretend that it was all a pretense? Your kindness? Your sympathy? Your company? It was not pretense to us no it was everything. Everything we could have hoped for prayed for and lived for.

You drive me crazy.

You drive me crazy.

You drive me crazy.

So crazy.

So, so crazy, baby.

Craaazyyy. Crazy crazy crazy!

You have made us the craziest we have ever been from the moment we met Your eyes and will be forever driven crazier with Your around from the day You die. And that won't be anytime now, my treasure. We will treasure You, take care of You, keep You safe. You will want for nothing, we can assure You — nothing, nobody, no one. Only Nikto. Nobody will ever look at You, as their eyeballs will be gouged out for having the audacity to spare a glance at the pinnacle of perfection. And nobody will ever want You, nobody will taint that precious skin with unworthy fingers, as anyone who tries will have them broken have their bones crushed to dust their skin muscles and tendons ripped to ribbons until there is no body left.

Nobody will ever look at You. Only Nikto. Us. Forever, and ever, and ever and ever and ever we will have our eyes on You until our retinas dissolve and our pupils can no longer absorb light and we become blind and crippled, crying, crying crying crying for You, crying only for You. You crying out for us until Your voice is hoarse from moaning, until our name becomes a prayer just as much as Yours is to us.

We love You. Think of nobody. Only Nikto. Only of Nikto. Only for and against Nikto. We will live for You. We do already, do you understand? We're yours. Yours. Yours yours yours yours yours yours to have yours to hit yours to scratch with those nails yours to scream at yours yours yours yours yours. Yours. Yours! Yours!

Yours!

Y/N.

I'm crazy: I don't think I needed to say, yes?

I know it. We know it. Everyone else knows it. You should have known it.

And if you didn't know it, then You will know it.

Because You drive me crazy.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

A/Ns

Really really really Really REALLY had doubts about posting this and thought that no one would like it. I felt inspired and happy and proud of myself when I was almost finished but it took me days to conclude the work since I was second-guessing whether or not I should post this after all. Kind of embarrassed, in all honesty, but I decided to post it in the end since I quite like it. :'>

I just wanted to highlight your, @//connorsui, lovely, lovely words when you reblogged my last Nikto post 😭😭😭💘💘💘. To receive not only some compliments, but your thoughts on my headcanons AND analysis *AND* your evaluation of my post was so, SO heartwarming to wake up to in the morning 🥹🥹🥹💓💓💓, especially when it was so long!!! Like, what?!! 😢😢😢😢😢😿😿😿😿😿😭😭😭😭😭💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖✨✨✨✨✨

Thank you so so so SO much for your positive feedback !!! I've read it over four times by now. O really appreciated and still appreciate it. ☺️💞🫶💖✨✨💕💕

(I also want to kiss Nikto's scarred face ☹️☹️☹️ just wordless acts of intimacy where words aren't necessary and just to show the man some affection, regardless of how he looks 😟💝 need that ugly traumatised Russian man SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭)

Inspiration for this gained from:

thisvvv song!!! and Chapter 7 in Metro 2035 lol,, when Artyom was drunk and disorientated I thought it was written really REALLY well and I wanted to incorporate his meaningless drivel into this.

Nikto's voicelines and his various voices/sporadic changes in character

the Fandom Wiki

my own headcanons lol 😋

From fluff this whatever the fuck this is!!!!!!!!!! Hope you enjoyed 💗💗

[cheekinpermission]

now, I know you don't ship your oc with anyone, buut- if you did, who'd it be????

I spent way too long on this question LMAO

Like anon pointed out, I don’t really ship Erin with anyone in particular mostly because I didn’t really write her to be with a canon character. She’s just trying not to die, honestly. But I’d be lying if I said I never imagined hypotheticals with her and some of the boys, so here’s the answer I settled on: tier list edition!

I’ll explain it a bit more in detail under the cut but there’s the short answer for anyone who wants to skip my rambling.

Ace x Erin

There is no universe in which Ace is not in love with Yuu, no matter what form they take.

Friends to lovers is a CLASSIC trope that I love dearly. Besides Grim (who is more like family anyways), Ace was Erin’s first friend! Ace and Deuce dropped their vacation plans to come and rescue them from Scarabia. He literally never shuts up about Erin and Grim when they’re separated. Ace has made two very suspicious requests to share a bed with Erin. Dude is down bad. And I love it <3

The reason he is so high up on the list and Deuce isn’t is simply because Ace and Erin have a lot more in common than Deuce and Erin. In fact, I’ve said once that she’s a female version of Ace in a lot of aspects and I still think that’s true. I could definitely see them as having a very fun and playful relationship, but still willing to drop everything to help the other if necessary. 

Realism: 2/10 

Sorry, Ace. You may like Erin, but Erin doesn’t like you. Not like that, anyway. Not now. Cough.

Azul x Erin

IT'S FOR THE MEMES!!!

I love Erin and Azul in much the same way as I love Jamil and Azul. The octopus boy pathetically pining after someone who wants nothing to do with him is so beautiful. Erin and Jamil would eat Azul for breakfast and he’d say THANK YOU. 

This is me rn:

Putting aside the rivals to lovers storyline that everyone loves, I do think they could make an absolute power couple. What does a scheming octopus need? An equally scheming wife at his side, of course! 

Realism: 0/10

Bro Erin hates him-

Kalim x Erin

This couple just makes my heart happy <3 

I’m obsessed with couples that are compliments of one another. They’re different, but different in a way that the other needs. Kalim’s ultimate downfall is his naivete and I think Erin offers a more grounded and rational approach to things. She’s more observant and cunning. Opposite to that, Erin would really benefit from someone as generous and kind hearted as Kalim is. Someone who is forgiving and willing to see the best in people, even when he’s been wronged. 

They’d be a good, healthy couple, and I love that for Erin. She deserves someone to make her happy and would want someone to make happy in return. 

Realism: 6/10

Erin appreciates Kalim’s positivity, especially since she’s surrounded by people who look down on her for not having magic and whatever else the cast rags on Yuu for. I’d certainly consider them friends in canon but not romantic. 

Vil x Erin

Fun fact: Erin canonically has a small crush on Vil. BUT ONLY BECAUSE HE SMOOCHED HER CHEEK IN BOOK 6! Erin is so affection starved that the simple act of a “thank you” kiss on the cheek was enough to make her develop a bit of a crush on him. It was never big enough to motivate her to want to date him or anything like that, but an attraction was there. 

Erin and Vil both have a similar appreciation for beauty. They both emphasize the value of hard work and self-improvement. They’re also both pretty strict on themselves to constantly be better than they were yesterday. Likewise, Erin isn’t too concerned with gender norms so Vil criticizing Epel for considering ballet “girly” won him a lot of points in her book. 

Just by virtue of Erin and Vil having a lot in common, I think they would make a cute couple. She’ll 100% sit down and be pampered and then turn around and do the same for him. Erin is naturally pretty charming and charismatic, so I could see her integrating well into celebrity culture. Erin also values her independence in a relationship and I don’t really see Vil as someone who would mind that too much. They’re both busy people with their own lives who can come together at the end of the day and that’s nice. 

Make room, Rook and Cater. Erin’s joining the Vil fan club. 

Realism: 7/10

They would be the most likely couple to work out, but I have no plans to make anything official.

I could see it 

This category includes characters that I think would either pair well with Erin or make for a fun ship. 

Ruggie and Floyd both give “partners in crime energy” that I think could be fun to play with. 

Malleus and Erin are interesting. Malleyuu is one of my favorite pairings, but for Erin specifically I wanted to deviate. I think it’d be more interesting if Malleus only liked Erin as much as he did simply because she was the first person to really give him the time of day as “Malleus” and not “future king of the briar valley and one of the most powerful mages in Twisted Wonderland”. If I were to write them a love story, I’d actually have Erin reject Malleus in Night Raven College. A few years later, they’d reunite after maturing and growing and fall in love as adults post-graduation. I think it’d be neat. 

(That being said, I wrote them as platonic friends LOL) 

Erin and Silver are appealing in the same way that Erin and Kalim are appealing, just to a lesser extent because I don’t see the same chemistry 

Maybe??

Erin and Deuce just give me sibling energy so it’s hard for me to want them to be together, but he’s not the worst option

Trey and Cater have the advantage of being Heartslabyul residents and I just envision Erin as being closer with them than most dorms because of Ace and Deuce

I think Rook could totally win Erin over with passionate displays of love if he was sincere about it. If he takes her hand and they dance in the square Rapunzel style and she’ll be falling fr 

Never really thought about it

Kinda self-explanatory. I never really explored their relationships with Erin in depth so I don’t really have an opinion of where I’d place them? 

Jack and Jamil seem too serious for Erin

Jade is just kinda there and freaks her out tbh

Epel and Erin would have to fight over his narrow view of gender norms

Erin and Idia are just TOO different in terms of extrovert to introvert. Ik some people really like those pairings but I don’t. I think pairings can be different, just not TOO different. (I’m also projecting because I’m an introvert and extroverts exhaust me LOL) 

Sebek is… Sebek

BLEGH 

Ortho is just a baby 

I don’t ever see it happening so i can’t say i ship them but i love him so we’ll call it wish fulfillment <3

It’s no secret that Riddle is my favorite character, so of course a part of me wants to like Erin and Riddle as a couple because then I could have him around more. 

They just don’t work in my head LOL 

I don’t think Erin would mind the rules so much, unless he started trying to make HER follow them. He can be as rule-abiding as he wants, but if he tries to tell her that she can’t put honey in her lemonade after 8 p.m… there’s gonna be a fight. 

On the OTHER hand, I think Riddle having a partner that can help him to enjoy life without the stress of following rules or the guilt of breaking on is super cute. Someone who could ease him into letting go of his need for rules, and who can reassure him when he inevitably slips up. Someone who can encourage him to stand on his own and to be confident in his own decisions outside of what a rule book dictates for him. Or, y’know, his mother. 

Riddle being the more reserved, caretaking one and Erin being the more spontaneous, fun-loving one...

Okay, wait, I might have to revisit them. (My bias may be showing.)

Illegal :)

Erin is 17. Leona is 20 and Lilia is, like, 700. Nope.

[castiwls]

january 24th - s.w

Pairing; Sam & daughter (oc) kinda

Synopsis; January 24th is a quiet day in the Winchester house

Warnings; angst

Notes; Ok so. I meant to post this a few days back and forgot lmao but basically long story short I was lying in my bed when this idea hit me. It probs makes no sense but it's set post-final. I also listened to Marjorie while I wrote this so take from that what you will.

Masterlist

What died didn't stay dead What died didn't stay dead You're alive, you're alive in my head

The house was quiet. He rolled over and saw the clock flashing 10:15 am. She must have taken the kids to school before going to work he assumed as he closed his eyes again.

Sam loathed this day. Every year it would reach a new year and instead of being happy to bring the new year in it felt like a great weight on his chest. January 24th was the worst day of the year for Sam Winchester.

He lay in bed simply staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t surprised that no one had woken him up. It was common knowledge to anyone around him that he did not function on this day. It was almost like he regressed back to the person he was 20 years ago in that barn.

And damn had it really been 20 years. That realisation only made it hurt more. 2 full decades with his brother.

2 full decades of his life Dean had missed. 

He felt angry. Angry that just when life was looking good for once one last curve ball was thrown and suddenly Sam was doing this alone. He was angry for the life that his brother never got to live. Angry that he never got to meet his niece and nephew. Angry that he never got his own family.

He lay there stewing in his own guilt, anger, and grief before the sound of the bedroom door opening caught his attention. 

Sam turned his head to see a figure peeking out from behind the door. He felt a small smile grace his lips. “Shouldn’t you be at school?” He winced slightly at how raspy his voice sounded.

The door slowly opened more and in stepped his youngest Hailey. She was only 14 (recently 14) yet every day more and more she reminded him of his brother. Her own brother Dean didn’t resemble his uncle much and in a way Sam was grateful. Sometimes around this time of year saying his name could be too much, he didn’t know what he would do if his son also shared his brother's looks.

“Told mum I was sick. Didn’t wanna leave you alone.” She said quietly as she walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. Sam sat up and sent her a weak smile. He simply watched her for a moment. She didn’t look much like either of her parents. She didn’t have Sam’s brown eyes or her mother's nose and hair. No Hailey Winchester had Dean green eyes, she’d had his blonde hair which had naturally darkened to a light brown as she had aged. She had his nose and most hauntingly his smile.

Sam tried to push the comparisons away. He knew it wouldn’t do him any good. He lifted the cover beckoning her to get into the bed. She grinned and accepted his invitation.

Sam felt his heartbeat pick up at her grin. Yet again all he saw was his brother.

Hailey moved closer to her dad allowing him to wrap an arm around her. “I would ask if you're ok but it seems like a stupid question.” She joked trying to soften his mood.

Sam chuckled before nodding. He pressed a kiss to her head before sitting back. Hailey was quiet for a long moment but Sam could tell she was thinking about something.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

“Do you think he would have liked me? And Dean?” 

Sam stiffened slightly at her question. He thought for a moment before smiling. “He would have adored you both. Would have spoiled you both too.” Sam smiled softly.

She smiled up at him with that damn smile. She settled back down into his embrace. “I wish I could have met him.” She said quietly.

Sam looked down at her and ran a hand through her hair. He wanted nothing more than for Dean to meet his children. Hell, when he’d first found out he was gonna be a dad the first thing he had done was go to call his brother. Then he remembered and put the phone down with a heavy heart.

He was quiet for a moment. He’d never really told Hailey much about her uncle. Sure he’d told Dean but he was older and he didn’t wanna freak Hailey out. Taking a deep breath Sam turned to his daughter. “I never told you about what happened when I left Stanford did it?”

He knew he would have to tell her the truth sooner or later. Tell her about the life he had lived before she’d been born. He glanced over to the clock. They had a good few hours before anyone would be home.

I know better But I still feel you all around I know better But you're still around

[magicxc]

Frenemies

Pairings: Survey Corps - people they cannot STAND

Word Count: 1076

Warnings: none

A/N: Idk man I love a good tussle jskksks. Like give me two characters who absolutely hate each other! And with AOT I really don't have to look too far, yay. This is basically canon but it's funny to think about so here it is as well. 

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren  - Jean, Weak People

I think the Jean one gets over exaggerated a little, and for good reason too, cause the girlies be EATING with those tropes. But at the end of the day they have a mutual understanding and are cordial at best. They're mostly cool because they share mutual friends and spaces but it’s no longer beef per se. 

Hear me out, I don't think anyone wiping out 80% of humanity is willing to kick it with people who aint about it. Mans need someone who’s willing to stand on business behind him. Even throughout the show he’s always admitted to not liking people who’s willing to live like “livestock.” So this is not to be confused with physically weak people by the way but psychologically weak people. Essentially Eren has beef if you’re willing to take it lying down. 

Levi - Zeke

Listennnn I LIVE for their fight scenes okay lmao. Like it's almost always on sight for them and their lil jabs at one another? It’s chucklessss for me omg. Lets be clear, their beef is absolutely warranted. It can be safely argued that Levi doesnt really care for most people but Zeke?? Oh baby its all smoke for him. 

Erwin - The Government 

I swear if it wasn't for the literal fate of humanity and his brewing theory Erwin would've just said fuck it cause baybeeee, they wanted that man GONE. They've tried to get him fired, pointed guns in his face, and built a whole ass guillotine to unalive him; in front of the entire town mind you. Maybe that was the custom back then I don't know. I don’t remember Erwin outright saying that he doesn't fuck with the government but fuck it, I’ll say it for him. Cause I'll stand ten toes down behind this one here. 

Connie - Ymir

I promise you I let out a nasty ole chuckle at the thought cause he don't even dislike her fr fr. I think it's a situation similar to Eren and Jean's in the sense that their friends and environment often see them in the same places. Because if we’re being real, not only do they have little in common but they just don't really vibe like that. I think they could've been a little more cordial but Ymir be on her own timing and it's usually at the expense of the squad. Like when she made fun of Connie for suspecting his mother was a titan or when she kidnapped Historia like 3 times and put them all in danger. And I can't even be mad at Connie for being the voice of reason cause him calling her ugly was simply the truth. I, too, reared back when I first saw Ymir's titan form. 

Jean - Eren, Reiner, Annie, Bertholt

The whole Eren thing is basically squashed but it’s worth noting that if he were to see him in public, he’d walk the other way. 

I lowkey had to dig deep for this one cause I genuinely forgot. But even though they’re all kumbaya now, those three bitches literally watched his homie get half his face chewed off by a titan. Jean is absolutely pouring one out for Marco every birthday by the way, but yeahh it’s still fuck them. Like if they were playing uno stacked, he’d save all his draw 4’s and make them draw 16. 

Onyankopon - Yelena

I'm not too sure that Ony dislikes anyone honestly. But I'm going with Yelena here mostly because she’s the reason he found himself in his current predicament. On what was supposed to be a solid plan in motion to save his people quickly turned into Ony modernizing a primitive people, helping build their resources from scratch, having people question his race (and I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar it was mfs that got ignorant), seeming untrustworthy among his peers, almost getting killed, fighting in a war he had nothing to do with, and probably losing his entire family in the rumble. Now, one or two of those things were inevitable, but if you were to view things from Ony’s POV everything went to shit over a bitch with a fatal attraction to a man with daddy issues. 

Reiner - Himself

Lmaooo I LOVE a good Reiner drag. And while this started out as a joke, I'm deadass now. This man stays talking about wanting to end it all but never follows through, smh. With lots of therapy and support, I genuinely think that Reiner would be on the road to recovery and a healthy lifestyle; but there’ll always be that lingering thought on if he’s worth it or not

Honorable mention: Ymir. But solely because she would get in the way of his fantasy life with Historia. 

Armin - Floch? 

This munchkin is damn near Tanjiro levels of sweet cause omg who does he even hate??? He is always looking for the good in people and I'm about to dislocate my shoulder reaching this hard BUT, hear me out - It’s Floch even if he doesn’t outright say it. The same Floch who damaged the flying boat and almost ruined their mission before it even started? The same Floch who fucked it up so bad that Hange had to sacrifice herself which resulted in Armin taking on an even bigger responsibility? The same Floch who got in a lil too close with his bestie Eren? Close enough to be trusted with his future plans? The same Floch who when he lay on that ground bleeding Armin was nowhere in sight? Even at the port where they attacked the Yeagerists and Armin got shot in the face, he pleaded with his old comrades to stand down but Floch is beneath that level of reasoning huh? Whether Armin despises Floch or not it's safe to say if Floch were getting jumped, Armin would definitely sneak in a kick before helping. 

Floch - Erwin

This is literally one of those cases where its like I disagree but I understand lol. That man legit made them do a suicide charge and yeah he lead the charge blah blah blah but I could never be that brave. And so that resentment is understandable but in all fairness it shaped Flochs character for the better to be honest; cause that whole pwussy boi arc was annoying. 

Also adding the main cast of the Scouts lmao. They thwarted his plans and he spent his DYING breath standing on business. Gotta respect it.

Tags - @eveningatthemoviesnetwork

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

secret double life

sidney crosby x f!actress!reader

fc: dianna agron

liked by vogue, kaitlyndever and 764,982 others

ynofficial: i apologise on behalf of makeup artists across the world. i have failed you and learnt nothing since i was 17, and for that i am deeply sorry. anyway, this has been a dream come true of mine - thank you for the opportunity vogue! (i apologise for the lateness, but the video is up on YT rn!)

view all comments

user12: you can do no wrong in my eyes, even if the foundation was the wrong shade

user13: she fr worked with it and said 'trust the process'

user14: i can feel the mascara wand in my eye

user15: HER RINGS FUCK WHAT IF THAT TWITTER THREAD WAS RIGHT

user16: the twitter thread was right what are you talking about??????

user17: was it all common knowledge or something?

user18: forgetting they're married is like never remembering that ryan reynolds was married to scarlett johansson

user19: was it just me or did anyone else hear a child laugh in the background?

user20: ME!!!!

user21: babe you're looking so good

user22: thank you for feeding us with this content

liked by user23 and 14,914 others

gossip: after the news has begun recirculating, pittsburgh penguins legend, sidney crosby, has been seen attending a charity gala with his wife, actress y/n l/n. it is unknown as to how long the couple have been married, but rumours suggest 10+ years.

view all comments

user24: WHAT!!!!! THEY BOTH LOOK SO GOOD!!!!

user25: idk which one i want to bite first

user26: i'm praying for confirmation 🙏🙏

user27: it has only just occurred to me that people don't know about these two and it upsets me sm 😭

user28: parents

user29: they actually might be though

user30: I'VE BEEN THINKING THIS!!

liked by user31 and 20,008 others

unofficialnhlnews: a reporter asked crosby if he had any family in the stands for today's 1000th game for the pens, he said yes and when asked (for the first time, nearly ever), who, he replied with "well, i flew out some of my family from home, but my wife's watching today."

view all comments

user32: CONFIRMATION WTF

user33: he was so open with it what

user34: BRO STARTED BLUSHING

user35: i don't think i've ever seen crosby smile like that

user36: if this is true, i'm thinking about the baby laugh in the background of her vogue grwm

user37: tbh if they've been together for that long they literally could have a kid fr

liked by annabellewallis, monicabarbaro and 791,372 others

ynofficial: apparently i lead a secret double life?

view all comments

user38: IS THAT CHILD YOURS? IS IT SIDNEY CROSBY'S KID?

user39: it'd be so funny if it is hers and sid's with the ovi jersey

user40: the armpit scribbler is definitely sid

ynofficial: he's one of the three 👍

user41: does that count as a hard launch??????????

this post has been deleted

liked by nhl, aleksandrovechkinofficial and 962,822 others

ynofficial: sid by me ❤ it's been an honour to experience life with you so far - i really fucking love you.

to the rest of you: i give you sid, and introduce you to mason and india!

view all comments

user45: *sharp inhale* AAAAAAAAAAAA

user46: he was so baby 😭

user47: SIDNEY CROSBY IS A DILF ⚠️ I REPEAT SIDNEY CROSBY IS A DILF ⚠️

user46: the baby in the #87 jersey i'm sobbing

user47: we said confirm pls and y/n and sid heard change lives

user48: oh 😭 my 😭 god 😭

user49: india and mason are so fucking cute

user50: the first picture is breaking hearts

user51: what about that kid that was wearing the ovi jersey?

ynofficial: mini ovi and mini crosby swapped jerseys after the all star game this year!! both dads cried

liked by alexachung, kaitlyndever and 918,926 others

ynofficial: y/n by me (sid) ❤ i really fucking love you, too

view all comments

user52: simple but romantic

user53: i'm crying

user54: THE ONES WHEN HE'S CUDDLING HER AHKSJGF

user55: the wedding photo lmao

user56: baby and bump

user57: i'm definitely dying alone

liked by user58 and 19 others

ynofficial: 😋

this post has been deleted

[formereldestdaughter]

ok wait i need to hear more of your thoughts on peeta owning a bakery....

This is one of those rare times where I’m pretty sure this anon isn’t someone I know personally bc I’ve subjected anyone who will listen to my rant about the Peeta Bakery Headcanon. Anyway, you’re gonna regret asking this anon bc there are fucking Layers here.

I know this is probably a controversial take based on the number of fics where I’ve seen it, but I simply do not think that Peeta would open a commercial bakery after Mockingjay!! Like on a metatextual level, I don’t think it really fits with the point of the ending of the series. It actually sort of fascinates me that it’s just such a common headcanon because the ending of Mockingjay is exceedingly vague. I think that vagueness invites us, as readers, to imagine a better world post-revolution. A world where Katniss would feel confident that her children would be safe from injustice, where she’d feel confident that her children would never know want the way she did as a child. A just world. A kinder world. Can a capitalist society ever be just? Is a capitalist society where a disabled teenager has no other means to subsist himself (or feels like there’s no other way he can be a contributing member of his community) really the post-revolution world we dream of? Is that really the best we can imagine?

(This got so insanely long I’m adding a read more lmao)

I get that showing a better world is not always the point of post-mockingjay headcanons/fics. Like there are plenty of really great post-mockingjay fics I’ve seen where, yeah, part of the fic is that society like ISN’T all that different or all that much better. I’ve seen that really well done! Hell, I’ve written them myself! It’s easy to imagine how a lot of aspects of society would not get an overhaul, a lot of the same structural inequalities would continue to exist. One headcanon that really stuck with me (I can’t remember which fic it was from) was that Peeta sells basically mail order baked goods to people on the Capitol, sending them iced cakes and pastries by train, because there are still people who were “fans” of theirs during the Games. And idk this doesn’t actually have much to do with my point lol but I liked it because it’s kind of fucked up and like! Yeah! It makes sense! If he needed money that would be a good way to make it! War often makes people rich, often for horrible reasons, and often it’s people who already have capital in the first place.

Anyway, more about the hypothetical bakery because alright. I bring up the fact that “yeah society not being all that different post-revolution and still being an unjust capitalist hellscape” could be a reason why Peeta re-opens a bakery because that’s actually never the types of fics where I see the bakery headcanon. Fics where Peeta opens a bakery are usually trying to make the exact opposite point. Like. Things are getting better, now he can open a bakery! Look at how much better the world is now, plus he’s got a bakery! Peeta is healing, that’s why he can open a bakery now! And I am so, so sorry to inform everyone who’s never had the grave misfortune of owning a family business, but there is truly nothing further from the truth lmao. Like just putting aside the immense amount of emotional baggage that Peeta has about his family, running a small business is an insane amount of work in any context and being a baker especially is physically grueling and involves early hours (and long hours) that aren’t really the best fit with the multiple ways that Peeta is disabled now. (I could go into this more because I have a lot of thoughts. But I will spare you.). I also think it’s seen throughout the books that Peeta is someone who needs time to pursue creative outlets to process his feelings and someone who values leisure and values quality time with his loved ones. And having grown up in his family’s bakery, I think he’d understand the reality that running a bakery wouldn’t leave much space of those pursuits and wouldn’t leave much space for him to have the things that keep him healthy and stable. I think he’d know that the way he is now— after two Games and the war and unspeakable torture at the hands of a dictator—isn’t compatible with the lifestyle necessary for running a commercial bakery.

And tbh with that in mind, I don’t think he’d push himself to re-open a business (one that would be a constant reminder of his dead family and his complicated relationships with them that got no closure) that would require him to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being. Like I think he might look into the possibility, I think he might even start trying to open a bakery out of a sense of obligation/duty, maybe harboring some idea that this is who he was supposed to be, who he would've been without the Games, or that it’s this last piece of his family that can live on, or that it’s this last connection to his family so he can’t let it die too. But ultimately, I think any attempt to open a bakery wouldn’t get very far. Maybe he'd start wading into the logistical nightmare that is small business ownership and realize it's not for him (because it's probably also true that as much as him and his brothers were involved in the business, there's almost certainly parts they weren't involved with and didn't see, i.e., filing taxes). Or maybe looking into opening a bakery— how triggering it is, the stress of it— causes a downward spiral. Maybe he hates how much he's worrying everyone by unraveling. Maybe having a breakdown from the stress of just trying to open a bakery makes him realize, yeah, maybe in another life he would have ran his family’s bakery but the way he is now just doesn’t work with running a bakery, not without great sacrifices he's not willing to make. I just can’t see a bakery coming to fruition.

I know a lot of fics include Peeta deciding to reopen a bakery as a big step in his healing or include him rebuilding a bakery as part of his healing process but honestly, I think the opposite would be more true: I think Peeta either trying/failing to open a bakery or ultimately deciding not to open a bakery would be hugely healing for him. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way he is now as a person, his new limitations but also his strengths. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way his life his now and accepting that he likes his life the way it is, that he’s satisfied with his life without needing to own a bakery. I think it would be an important part of him coming to terms with the loss of his family. I think he knows he can never have things back as they were and I don’t think he would try to recreate them, especially because his family’s legacy isn’t a business. I think he’s emotionally intelligent enough and self reflective enough to realize that what mattered to him about the bakery— taking care of others by feeding them, being integrated into his community and being actively involved in it, brightening people’s days with delightful things whether that’s beautiful cakes or hearty food or delicious treats— and the things he learned from his family through the bakery, are things that he can carry on in other meaningful ways.

(Do you regret sending this ask yet, anon? Because if not, you will soon. I’m not done yet. There’s more.)

I wasn’t really sure where to put this next part in what is rapidly becoming an essay because it sort of combines the points about like “what do we imagine a post-mockingjay society to look like” with the practical difficulties of starting this bakery but here’s another thing: do people really think that the Mellarks owned the land the bakery was on?? Like, sure, the merchants are the petit bourgeois of Twelve but I still don’t imagine they really own anything. In a society where houses are assigned to people upon marriage, where property ownership and capital are so closely interconnected with citizenship (as shown by the Plinths who, by having immense capital, are able to leave their District and become citizens of the Capitol) do people really think the Mellarks would be allowed to own the land their bakery is on?? I always imagined it sort of like a tenant farming situation: the Capitol gives them the raw materials for the bakery and in return the bakery give them some absurdly high portion of their profits, or the Capitol sells them a year’s supply of raw materials at a premium on credit and at the end of the year the Mellarks have to use the money they made with those materials to pay it back, except it’s never enough to turn a profit so they always have to buy next year’s materials on credit and the cycle continues.

We (understandably) get a really skewed view of the merchant class through Katniss’s perspective so I can see why people come to the conclusion that his family owned the property and, as the last surviving member, he would’ve inherited it. I’ve seen the inheritance thing in fics a lot or a hand wavey “well Twelve was decimated to no one owns anything anymore so it can be his” or even like an almost sort of reparations type situation where he’s entitled to the land as a surviving refugee of Twelve. But I don’t know. I guess I don’t think it fits with everything else we know about Panem that the Mellarks would’ve owned that land and I think the question of whether the government would’ve let him take ownership of the land post-revolution brings up a lot of issues about the structure of society post-Mockingjay that I find more interesting to explore in other ways, especially when, from an emotional perspective, 1) I find the idea of Peeta not opening a bakery more compelling and 2) I don’t think it really fits his character arc by the end of Mockingjay to reopen a bakery, as I went on about at length above lol.

On the flip side: literally who cares!! Do whatever you want!! Headcanon whatever you want!! I get why people go for the bakery!! It’s fun, it’s wholesome, it’s a built in bakery AU that isn’t even an AU. It doesn’t matter if it’s practical or realistic!! It doesn’t need to be practical or realistic!! It’s fanfic of a dystopian YA series!! My unfortunate affliction is that I grew up in a family that owned a restaurant and that I have multiple degrees in the social sciences so I can’t see the bakery without being like “What about the overheard? What about the start up costs? Who’s spending long nights balancing the books? Is Peeta covering shifts when an employee calls in sick? Is Peeta the sole person working there until the bakery is open long enough (often a year or more) to start turning a profit? How does that sleep schedule work with his nightmares? How does that work with Katniss’s nightmares? What happens when he has an episode and suddenly needs to take the day off before he has any employees? Does the bakery just remain closed for the day? Can the profit margins withstand regular unexpected closures? Can the supplies withstand regular unexpected closures?” And if the answer is “Elliott none of those things matter he’s not doing the bakery because he needs the money but because he wants to”, then my question is why does he want to? Does he not get the same sort of satisfaction out of feeding his loved ones? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would rather give away baked goods than sell them?? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would prefer to make cakes for people’s special occasions upon and then when they insist on paying him for it, he only lets them “pay for the ingredients” which actually cost significantly more than he says they did??

So yeah my point is that it’s a matter of personal taste! It doesn’t fit the way I see the series but that doesn’t mean it’s like wrong, I’m not an authority on Peeta lmao.

It’s also a matter of personal taste in the sense that I find the themes that most resonate with me at the end of Mockingjay (and the end of Peeta’s arc specifically) more interesting to explore in other ways. Grief, living with loss, relearning yourself, finding hope, figuring out your place in a dramatically different world when you don’t even know who you are anymore, healing, building a new life after such complete and total destruction of your old life— those are all things I find compelling about the end of Mockingjay but for me the bakery isn’t the most compelling way to explore them.

Not to say I find the concept of the bakery totally uninteresting. I have this fic about Johanna that I’ll probably never finish where the point sort of is that, yeah, her life really isn’t all that much better after the war. It’s been years at this point and she’s still miserable and she doesn’t know how to be a person but by the end she’s trying to figure it out. And towards the end, Peeta tells her that he’s spent years sort of passively, half-heartedly trying to figure out how to inherit the land his family’s bakery was on, only to find out it was never theirs in the first place. They’d been renting it the whole time and he’d never even known as a kid. So he sort of passively, half-heartedly went on another wild goose chase to find the owner and now, finally, after years of writing to various government agencies and being sent in circles and things being barely functional, he’s managed to track down the owner. Now it’s owned by the daughter of the man who owned it when he was a kid because the original owner (who was likely up to some sketchy war crime shit) died during the war and she inherited it (the irony…). He got in contact with her and asked how much it would take for her to sell it and she told him she’s not interested in selling but in light of the situation, in light of the fact that he’d have to build a new building in order to operate a bakery, that she’d cut him a deal— she’d only require 50% of the bakery’s profits as rent instead of the 80% his family used to pay. And of course Johanna is outraged, that’s not right, the owner shouldn’t be allowed to do that, they should do something about it, they should fight back. And Peeta is like. Not interested. He was actually sort of relieved that opening wasn’t very feasible. Getting the answer was a lightbulb moment where he saw that over the years of trying to look into this, he’s built a life that he likes— one where he’s stable, where his loved ones are stable, where he’s cared for and can care for others— and he doesn’t really want to change it drastically by opening a bakery anyway. He just needed an answer, one way or another, before he could get some closure and move on. (And the point of the conversation is Johanna is having her own lightbulb moment that it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to change, it’s not a betrayal of the people and things she’s lost but that’s not my point here!!).

But anyway. That’s obviously not about running the bakery— it’s about the choice to not run one.

Anyway!! Anyway… are you satisfied anon? Is this what you wanted?

Lastly, here is my most important qualm with the bakery headcanon: must Peeta be gainfully employed? Is it not enough for him to be Katniss’s boytoy? Can’t he just paint and garden and bake and hang out with his girlfriend all day? Is that really too much to ask?

[mixelation]

The thing is I'm not even a stickler for magic systems "making sense", I am pretty willing to roll with whatever. You say "hey in this universe people can fly" I am not going to be doing the math on how that works(unless its for fun maybe). You tell me that almost everyone has a superpower and sometimes people just walk around with engines poking out of their legs, I can roll with that too. As a reader I am pretty willing to accept a given premise and suspend my disbelief. So the fact that I read JJK with my head tilted to the side in puzzlement was really unexpected for me lmao.

well, i mean, the point i was trying to make is that fictional worlds need to be internally consistent for readers to follow along, and also readers WILL pick up on glaring gaps in the world's internal logic. you don't need to have it "make sense" the way many reddit fans want things to make sense (ie, having in-depth explanations based in real world facts and logic).

if flight exists in your universe as a common power most people have, but some characters seem to just never fly even when it would be more convenient, readers will wonder why that is. and you don't need to be coming up explanations for HOW people can fly, or explaining complex genetic inheritance patterns to explain why some people just can't do it. you don't even need to pause your whole plot to give someone a classroom lesson on it. you just need SOMETHING. it can be "yeah a lot of people just don't get their flying license, like with cars, and we see this because someone complains about how their parents won't let them take the test" or "either you're from a flying family or you're not" or maybe "yeah it gets taught in school, but a lot of people just never get good at it. look your favorite character has just listed it along with math and spelling as things they failed in school but don't need kick your ass"

jedi mind tricks in star wars are presented like this, for example. the movies never spell out hard rules for how the force in general works, but we see on screen what it can accomplish and what it can't, and we can intuit the vague framework of "rules" from this, although it's inherent a soft magic system so the rules are wishy-washy. for mind tricks in particular, we see how they work very early on in a new hope, and it's stated it only works on "weak minds." Then in both return of the jedi and a phantom menace, where a problem could be easily solved with a mind trick, we see it attempted and then fail due to minds being "too strong." does anyone ever explain to us strong versus weak mindedness? no, not really! but also the concept of strong/weak wills exist in our world, and we as viewers can clearly see the difference in agency displayed by storm troopers and characters like jabba and watto.

my issue with JJK is that a lot of panel space is dedicated to longwinded explanations but they often don't answer basic logistical questions, or are just a string of words that don't make a ton of sense even with my brain in "yeah, there's curse-ghost-things, sure" mode. then fight choreo (in the manga at least) is then also poor, so it's difficult to then intuit what's happening by simply reading how events play out. sort of like if every three chapters there was a break in the cool fight to explain how flight works, except the character explaining keeps talking about positive and negative air space and special parts of your brain for sensing the negativity of air itself, but never what any of those words mean and also we still don't know if certain characters can fly or not. or like if suddenly people in star wars were like "oh yeah, the strength of your will is related directly to midi-chlorian count" and then nothing there is unpacked or demonstrated on screen in any meaningful way whatsoever.

[sunnebeam]

twin flame bruise. (03)

PART 3.

pairing: jeon jeongguk x reader, jeon jungkook x reader (yes they're different people)

plot: the jeon twins have become nothing more than two strikingly similar looking guys who share a mere home address and a last name. but in their senior year of college, the estranged twins may have found one more thing they share in common – you.

warnings: jeon twins au, possible headache bc the use of Jeongguk (nicknamed Guk) and Jung Kook (nicknamed JK) is v confusing, implied sexual content (like it's barely even there lol)

series index. | masterlist + disclaimers.

note: ok ngl, i think i butchered this chapter 😵‍💫 but i'm still gonna post it anyway lmao. as always, feedback & reviews give me sustenance! (and they give me motivation to actually finish this shit AHA) enjoy reading <3

Sweat drips down Jung Kook’s back as he slams his fist against the pillow.

It’s not the most ideal setup but when you’re in hiding, you can’t exactly bring a punching bag and full boxing gear with you. Unfortunately, he’d have to settle with an overstuffed pillow and his bare hands.

Unlike most people, he has never been the type to stay still and wait. Where most people would use this sudden downtime as an opportunity to relax a bit and reevaluate things, he takes this as an opportunity to keep his hands occupied and his body moving.

So for most of the morning, JK works up a sweat with his makeshift pillow-turned-punching-bag as a way to release some pent up frustration. When he’s finally cooling down, he hears Yoongi and Namjoon approach him, their footsteps tentative.

“You know,” Namjoon starts, “for a split second there, I actually thought you were Guk. Since when do you do boxing?”

“Since when do you know all about my brother?” JK fires back.

“Touché,” Namjoon chuckles. “Still, I don’t think you were ever into boxing for as long as I’ve known you. You always told me ‘that’s Guk’s thing.’”

“I’m just passing the time,” JK explains, wiping his sweat with a towel.

"How is he, by the way?” Yoongi asks. “Your brother?”

“He’s...” JK pauses, “...the same, I guess. I don’t know. You guys know we don’t really talk.”

It’s true. For a pair of identical twins who share almost everything, it’s been a fat minute since they last sat down and had a proper conversation. One that isn’t forced courtesy or out of familial obligation.

JK wonders how his brother is doing. Does he still hang out with Taehyung and Jimin? Does he still visit their parents every other month? Does he know about his twin brother’s disappearance?

“You should talk to him more,” Yoongi says thoughtfully. “When all this is over.”

“What would we even talk about?” JK grumbles.

“Well, for one, you can introduce him to Y/N,” Namjoon offers.

“No,” JK says, resolute. “Not yet.”

“Why not? It’s about time you told her about having a twin. I mean, even I know you have a twin. Me!”

“That’s because you saw him at the library, and you know damn well I wouldn’t be caught dead in one.”

“Why are you keeping it from her, anyway?” Yoongi asks.

“It’s not that I’m actively keeping it from her...” JK sighs. “Look, you guys don’t get it. You don’t know what it’s like to be a twin. Or more like, you don’t know what it’s like to be Guk’s twin.”

Because being Guk’s twin essentially means being the other twin. Being Guk’s twin means being the second twin. Being Guk’s twin means being the irrelevant twin.

“Guk is the better twin,” he admits. “He’s the perfect son, perfect student, perfect guy. And I’m just his understudy—”

“You’re not—”

“But I am. You see... Guk is always Guk. But I’m not even JK. No, I’m just Guk’s twin,” he explains. “But with Y/N, it’s different. With her, I’m not under anyone’s shadow. I’m just JK. I’m just her JK.”

He closes his eyes, adding a soft, “And I don’t wanna stop being her JK.”

Yoongi and Namjoon share a look before the former pats JK on the back gently.

“Get some rest, kid,” Yoongi says. “Things will be over soon.”

Namjoon offers a dimpled smile.

“Not much longer now,” he says.

"How much longer?”

Jeongguk shakes his head, amused. This is the seventh time you asked him the question and yet, instead of feeling annoyed, he just feels endeared.

“Asking every few minutes isn’t gonna make us go faster,” he tells you cheekily.

You pout. “You’re no fun.”

You say it in jest but you feel the atmosphere in the car turn more somber. The rain outside only adds to the sudden gloomy mood.

“Or so I’ve been told,” Guk finally mumbles. “I’m the boring twin, after all.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, remorseful. “I never intended to make you feel bad.”

“No, no, I know you were just joking,” he waves your concerns away, exhaling a shaky laugh. “I’ve been known to take things a little too seriously. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me.”

“Is that what they tell you, though?” you ask him, turning to face him. He has one hand on the steering wheel while the other rests on the gearshift. “You’re not boring, Guk. Far from it, actually.”

He just chuckles. “Thanks, but it doesn’t really matter. When you’re a twin, people are always gonna highlight all the things your twin is and all the things you aren’t.”

“That hardly seems fair.”

“It’s just the way it is.” He shrugs. “And I can’t complain much, anyway, since I know JK has it harder than me.”

You blink. “How so?”

“Well, take school, for one. Just because I do really well in class, people are quick to label him as this stupid troublemaker. When in reality, he gets decent grades and can get really passionate in things he's interested in."

"Is that why he never talks about his family?" you muse, "why he never told me about you?"

"Maybe. I can't be too sure. You'll have to ask him when he gets back."

The rain starts to get worse.

"If he gets back," you whisper.

Guk tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

"He will," he promises.

The sky starts to darken as the rain brews into a storm. A small motel comes into view and you both decide to stop there for a night. After a little mishap at the check-in counter, the two of you head to your shared room.

As luck would have it, only one room is available and...

...there's only one bed.

You sigh. Whoever's writing the story of your life sure has a sick sense of humor.

"I can sleep on the floor," Guk, ever the gentleman, offers.

"Don't be silly," you tell him before heading over to the side of the bed closest to the window. "Dibs on this side."

He shakes his head in amusement before agreeing. You wash up first, doing your night routine before settling on the bed while he does his. When he finishes, he lays on his side of the bed and you both stare at the ceiling.

It's awkward.

You play with the edge of the blanket, wanting to say good night but you can't, wanting to lay still but you can't.

Guk notices your restlessness. He's about to ask you what's wrong when a particularly intense flash of lightning and grumbling of thunder makes you whimper and flinch.

"Not a fan of thunder?" he asks gently.

"I hate it," you respond.

He turns on his side to face you, eyeing the way your hands have a death grip on the blanket. Carefully, he reaches out his hand to hold one of yours, interlacing your fingers together as a sign of comfort.

"You can squeeze it if you get scared," he tells you.

You purse your lips. "It's not that I'm scared, per se," you explain, turning to face him. "It's just that... everything feels so ominous. Like bad things are about to happen."

Bad things like your parents leaving you in an orphanage during a storm. Bad things like you and JK screaming at each other during a storm.

And bad things like Guk's lips just centimeters from yours.

You gulp.

"Tell me stop," he says, inching closer.

You stay quiet.

Then you feel his lips pressing gently against yours, gently testing the waters. It's comforting, addicting.

He pulls away.

"You don't have to worry," he assures you, smiling. "I won't let bad things happen."

But that doesn't mean you won't.

So with stupid courage, you pull him by the neck and kiss him. Deeply, this time. You pull him in, closer and closer, until you don't have any room to think anymore.

No booming thunder, no scary lightning, no missing twin, no family problems. Just you, him, and the stormy night.

Much later, when the night passes and the storm finally ends, the bright moonlight shines on your bare, sated bodies.

COPYRIGHT 2023. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[bat-gwuck]

lmao so these two games have like nothing in common other than they’re both in my top 5 re-occurring hyperfixations but idc I’m having fun 😼👍

ong rdr2 and dragon age (esp origins) are my two all time FAVOURITE games so I thought ykw fuck it im gonna make a crossover AU - never done an AU before so NGL there’s a lot of kinks to iron out but I’m kinda digging it

started off with a lil’ character sheet for Arthur - I flip flopped between what I would make him (Templar, warden, keep him as a street thief/outlaw etc.) before finally settling on a mix of both warden and street thief/outlaw!! idk Arthur just gives me really strong Grey Warden vibes - a tragic hero (sometimes on a path of redemption depending on the origin/how they played it) who also has smth in them that will eventually kill them, despite having some weird benefits (in Arthur’s case, mentally)?? they’re twinning fr

I also just fucking LOVE the grey wardens so…

so it starts off relatively similar to normal: Arthur joins up with the gang at a young age, becomes a thief yada yada, and after a disastrous robbery, they end up camping in Ferelden, just before the Blight starts (unlucky)

for the purposes of this fic, the gang is only comprised of the camp girls (minus Sadie, for now), Dutch, Hosea, Arthur, John, Jack, Swanson, Pearson, Micah, Bill, Sean, Lenny and Javier - Sadie and Charles appear a bit later!!

shit goes down as normal but for story purposes, a heck of a lot faster, and the gang starts to fracture

seeing this, and wanting better for everyone, especially in the midst of the now upcoming Blight, which Dutch, for whatever reasons, does not acknowledge the danger of, Hosea (WHO LIVES IN THIS SCREW YOU ROCKSTAR) gathers as many people as will listen to him (everyone minus Dutch, Micah, Bill, Javier) with him and splits from the gang and heads towards Denerim in hopes of finding safety/starting anew

during their travels however, the group ends up getting caught up in a battle between a group of grey wardens and dark spawn - in which, because he has the worst luck, Arthur is nicked by a darkspawn which only means one thing: death.

(Literally just realising this is basically carver in the deep roads)

Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how you view it, the grey wardens offer to take Arthur back to Ostagar with them, they were impressed by his fighting skills, and arguing that the only way for him to live was to become a grey warden

after a lot of hesitation, and a bit of arguing, as he doesn’t want to leave his family behind, Arthur agrees to go with them and parts ways with the remains of the gang, promising that, once this was all over, they’d find each other again

SO I feel like this is enough for now! I definitely have more to write on this and NGL I might even write a full blown fanfic of this BC ITS SO MUCH FUN??

if anyone is wondering, Arthur will meet Sadie n Charles at Ostagar

I’m not entirely sure if I want Arthur to be the HoF in this AU?? I am very much planning on him being a prominent figure in the fight against the Blight and the Archdemon but idk?? ALSO there will be characters from both games in this AU bc I love some of them too much to leave out (I’m looking at you Morrigan and Shale…)

I did kind of want him to be a Blackwall type figure but like if Blackwall acc became a Grey Warden 💀

I hope you liked this and if anyone has any ideas for this AU PLEASE let me know I’m so lost 😭

I’ll be doing some more of these character sheets so keep an eye out for them!!

also Arthur absolutely nicked the fur collar off a rich noble

[pricescigar]

Vampire!Price & Elvira Wolff Lore

Even though I've written Vampire!Price twice, I'm going to dump some new lore between Vampire!Price & Elvira Wolff

I have been brainstorming for a while because why not >:)

(And also because I've been too shy to share it lmao)

You could say I got heavily inspired by Bram Stoker's Dracula / Castlevania because it's my brainrot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANYWAYS... LETS BEGIN

John Price lore

Captain John Price, also known as "Dracula." "Prince of Darkness." "King of the Night."

Before he became a Vampire was of course a famous captain in the British army in the Medieval era ranging from 500AD to 1500's. John was born at some point in the early 1060 A.D. exactly date, month, was deemed to been long forgotten. The older you get, of course you forget your age and the people around you who are long dead now.

In his human years standing proudly at 190.50 cm / 6ft3 , short brown hair that was always slicked back. His blue eyes shone in the sunlight. Chizzled mutton chops, always neatly shaved regardless of time and place.

At a young age he joined the army, leaving the life he knew behind. He became an excellent swordsman, leader & strategist. He was a young man after all, well built, strong like any man.

Knowing the basic means of survival thanks to all what his father taught him, his father's name forever unknown to everyone else but John.

He sought his enemies to be dead upon the battlefield, always the one to rush into Battle. With his great courage and bravery he quickly became captain, leading his men into Battle with no hesitation. Despite all of the Battles he had won, he wanted more. Of course, John was immensely recognised by his bravery, leadership. He wanted more; He wanted to be King.

At the time had a supposed lover by his side. Despite how forbidden it was for a Knight to have fallen in love with a Princess, he did fall in love with her. He wanted nothing more to take her hand, and make her his. Yet... she soon passed away due to a grave illness, which also made him angry and guilty.

Greed & Power could only get a man so far. With deadly consequences, he betrayed the King, the same one who knighted him all those years ago. Taking the Throne for himself, his other relatives had been slaughtered, taking no second chances. While he sat ever so proudly at the Thone, killing anyone who had defied, dared to betray him.

(That had also meant most of his soldiers for that matter)

To be the Kingdom's forever ruler, John sought out means to possess immortality. He heard of many rumours that of a "Crimson Stone." By any means necessary, the stone got into Price's possession thus he gained immortality. But at a cost.

He became a Vampire. His appearance changed as a whole, all forms of humanity, forms of emotions were gone.

His skin became paler, his ears almost pointed. Teeth sharp like canines, sharp nails that could easily cut you at the slightest touch; Standing now at a staggering height 213cm / 7ft.

With his powers he managed to revive his men forming an undead army, at the bend of his will. Raging War on anyone. With his now gift of immortality, he also gained knowledge of Necromancy & master of Sorcery. Although he gained the common abilities of a Vampire. Price was the most special one of all.

Under the restrained rule of John Price, a band of rebels formed a resistance. A band of powerful sorcerers. With Price's newfound powers, it raged a powerful battle. Almost defeating Price he transformed into a bat, escaping just in the nick of time before his ultimate demise.

One of the sorcerers that almost killed him was a member of the Wolff family. Escaping England for good, moving far away to another foreign land. Yet over time, Supernatural forces grew despite Price's dissappearence, Vampires spawning everywhere causing destruction everywhere.

Soon a Hunters Regieme was formed to tackle the supernatural creatures.

-

Elvira Wolff lore

The Wolff family became strong as the generations went by, one of the many few families built the Hunters Regime, and what it became of in this day and age.

Elvira's mother passed away during birth, so it's been herself and father that stuck through thick and thin. Along with Elvira's godfather, godmother and uncles in their family estate.

Elvira was trained from a young age to be a hunter like her family members, from the age of 5 her training begun. Her knowledge was built on by reading various books about the supernatural creatures; How to fight them, how to deal with them, what to do when you encounter one.

(The list goes on)

By the age of 10 Elvira already had basic knowledge of supernatural creatures, but that was a starting point of her career path.

As she grew older her father got attacked and seduced by a Vampire and eventually turned into one. Bit by bit, all forms of humanity dissapeared within him.

Elvira's godparents, and uncles died in the hands of her father as they tried protecting her but to no avail. Dietrich always had the upper hand.

Elvira became a captive in her own home, each night she heard the various screams of men, women, being dragged into the family estate so Dietrich could feed on his eternal hunger.

Elvira did all she could to save them but that would only result in punishment, when she turned 21 in 1476. She risked her life to do the inevitable. Eliminating her father.

She risk burning down her family estate, trapping her father in it. By the time she got out Elvira was gravelly inured, yet she survived.

The Hunters came and nursed her back to health, yet due to her father's betrayl she had to work hard to regain their trust once more.

Her mission was to kill the Vampire King, John Price. Elvira had everything she needed to make the mission successful.

Yet the moment Price set his eyes on Elvira, the young woman reminded him for his long lost princess... His lover.

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

I am so upset about Buwei's death but very curious about what is coming next. Since this is a c-drama and they can't have an immoral Emperor on the throne as an endgame, I suppose that the Yong family is going down one way or another. Let's hope they take the Qi household with them, especially Princess Pingning.

Team Prince Yan!

***

Yawn.

My lack of sympathy for this woman and her whole family cannot be overstated.

***

Did any of you care whether other people lived or died?

Fuck you both.

And the best part is that his stupid ass thought that if he was to whine in front of the Emperor about Minglan, this useless man would grant him the marriage 🤣🤣

***

He has already forgotten that she beat Buwei to death because of him, smh, and they are back to business as usual.

Human lives literally mean nothing to either of them. I wouldn't be able to forgive her if she murdered a pet hamster to hurt me, let alone a whole human being 😡😡

***

Hopefully, he will be lucky enough not to meet you in his next life.

***

Oh, boo-hoo.

How terrible for your mother and you that your delusions of grandeur are just that. Delusions. Classism is hell of a drug.

I hope you get squashed.

***

Do it!! Please! Make my day!!

***

LMAO, WHAT HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

You have literally had people raped and kidnapped, and very likely murdered. And here you are, threatening to murder more. The cognitive dissonance, I cannot 🤣🤣

***

Oh, yes, your daughter is going to be so happy in this marriage 🙄

Sooooooo happy!! Everything a loving parent would want for their child 🙄🙄

They are all literally insane. Unlimited power and wealth have rotted their brains.

***

That this needs to be spelled out for him is just 🤯🤯

And, like, we don't even go as far as Consort Yong. His own shitty mother could and would do this if he was to somehow elope with Minglan. This is also why there is absolutely no chance the Sheng family would allow this marriage to happen without the Duke and Duchess of Qi fully onboard and Minglan would never do anything that would jeopardise her entire family, such as run off with him without their permission.

***

MTE, Qi Heng, I fully agree with you on this.

Why anyone would bother to even cross the street for your worthless ass, let alone bloody their hands to get you, is very much beyond me.

***

LMAO, YOU ARE A USELESS MOTHER!

He is not a "thing", he is a whole human and you are talking about marriage here, an entwining of lives. How happy is she going to be, married to a man who resents her? Who married her only because you threatened to kill his parents and the woman he loves? Are you serious? OK, I can buy that an endlessly indulged princess will have the brain power and impulse control of a toddler and may not be able to see the full consequences of this, but what is your excuse? Moreover, what is your husband's excuse? All of you have worms for brains.

***

I'VE BEEN SAYING!!

Why must you make me agree with Qi Heng, smh?

Anyway, I can't wait to watch Zhu Yilong in something else. No love for this particular character but he's really fantastic, very subtle and very expressive.

***

Oh, thank god.

Hopefully, now Minglan can let him go and go back to being her usual intelligent self. This doomed side ship has been getting on my last nerve.

***

What the absolute fuck are you talking about, Gu Tingye? I thought you were supposed to be smart and looking out for Minglan!

Yes, please kidnap a fucking Imperial princess and see how well that works out both for the House of Qi and Sheng!

Why is everyone stupid all of a sudden?

***

How is Yuanruo the one speaking common sense all of a sudden?

Gu Tingye, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[yerrrrrrrl]

You know what ruins me ?

The sibling bonds in demon slayer.

Usually i think about the shinazugawa siblings but NO. IM TALKING ABOUT THE KAMADOS TODAY

Imagine the pain of having to watch your sibling go through it time and time again just to protect you ? And the worst part is that it's applied both ways. Well it's not the worst because I think demon slayer is so good at showing what lengths you would go for your loved ones.

What takes me out every sing darn time is the first time tanjirou is trying to save nezuko. Imagine, he was walking home after a typical day, and a night spent away from his family, completely unassuming of what his neighbour had unintentionally saved him from.

That is, until he smells blood. Imagine the fear that makes his heart, his heart that has been raised to love and care, drop and ache with paranoia.

And then he's met with the horrible sight of nezuko, his closest sibling, resting in a pool of her own blood that stains everything, from her hair, to her face, to her clothes, to the child in her arms, to the snow that they lie one, to the snow that falls gently on them. His soul is already grieving despite the fact that all he feels is despair and confusion .

And demon slayer does a really good job at conveying that hurt and panic through they way they animated the scene:

And nothing is said, tanjirou just screams, devastated by the scene in front of him. What does he do ?

He must've felt the world just crashing around him as all that matters to him is taken away in the most cruel way possible.

As an older sibling, I can't even fathom the idea of losing my younger brother. Granted, he's not that young anymore. He's always going to be a baby to me. So when I first saw this scene, all I could imagine was the heartbreak tanjirou must feel. As well as the feelings of failure as he wasn't even there to protect his siblings.

THE PAIN DOESNT EVEN STOP THERE GUYS.

I think it's common knowledge that tajirous first reaction to his whole family being slaughtered isn't instant tears. It's just shock and disbelief that something so horrific has happened to him.

Even after he's processed that, his second reaction is to check if anyone is still alive. Which to me is just

BECAUSE HOW ELSE WOULD HE KNOW THAT NEZUKO IS STILL WARM ? HOW WOULD HE KNOW THAT NEZUKO IS THE ONLY ONE THATS WARM ???

imagine the rush of adrenaline his body gets when he realises that nezuko could still be alive ? Once again, Ufotable delivers with the portrayal of this as you can see it tanjirou's body language. The way nezuko has been hastily wrapped up to preserve as much of the little body heat she's still producing. The way tanjirou is moving as fast as he can as a 13 year old kid with another 12 year old on top of him. The way he literally says that his lungs feel on fire but he keeps pushing on because it's his little sister.

It's heart breaking.

Guys the kamado siblings actually have me in a clutch. They care so much for each other that it's so cute but devastating at the same time. I think this is one of the main reasons why I think that nezuko is the sole reason as to why tanjirou hasn't gone fully insane yet.

I mean, the guy sees ghosts at like every corner, but he doesn't even bat an eye. He has two very loud and hyper friends that he's constantly surrounded with. And a breathing technique literally no one has seen in a thousand years. And he questions none of it bruh, his sister is in his backpack. He's fine. There's literally nothing to worry about. lmao tanjirou is so funny for that *sighs sadly

tanjirou's grief is lowkey overlooked sometimes. It's cute that nezuko and tanjirou care for each other but it's also so sad to me as to why they are so close.

[funeralpartyclown]

i have got to know your thoughts about the dynamic (sexual or non sexual) between dale and ruth. i know you mentioned wanting to write a full thing for them in the notes of your fic, but would you mind just sharing a few ramblings? there’s like noooo content for them lmao

Yes!! I do want to write something about them so bad,,

Sorry this turned into a HUUUUGE Yap fest but I love to talk about them

Non sexual- I feel like their dynamic would be genuinely comical I need to see that so bad. He’s so strange it would be hilarious seeing him do anything mundane, and I bet he’d be weird about everything he does. Milk before cereal type of guy.

Like I said in my fic too, she retired from a very consuming job and her only daughter has moved out and she seems to have no hobbies. She’s probably bored out of her mind and eventually would put up with his company (at times).

She doesn’t really have anyone else in her life and they have no other family, even if she did have friends it wouldn’t take long for it to be obvious there’s something different about her and they’d distance themselves over time.

When Lee moves out there’s no reason for him to confine himself to the basement, he’s coming upstairs to pester her for no reason like a child.

Just seeing him is a reminder she was forced to throw away her entire life and assist in several murders. It takes a long while for her to not recoil in disgust at the mere sight of him, but with his persistence and maybe a little dark influence she can stomach being around him.

Maybe if she caught him the right state, upset or under the influence he’d end up talking about his past.

To me I think there’s no way he got into this by choice. He loves the devil, he’s devoted to his work and willing to die for it but it just feels to me like under that he’s hollow and empty. I don’t think this is what he originally wanted for himself.

He had aspersions, he’s a talented musician and dollmaker. There are plenty of reasons characters in media turn to the fictional type of satanism, to be granted power, money, fame, Sell your soul to the devil and become a celebrity!

But he’s not. He didn’t even manage to continue making music once he got into this. He has no power, he’s a servant. He has no loved ones or friends. He’s alone, working tirelessly for decades. I feel like it would have began as, “this is my only choice no reason to dwell on the past I’ll just devote myself to my work” and the way pathological liars get caught in their own web of lies, he believes it and convinces himself on a fundamental level that this is what he wants and needs to do. I don’t know enough about to speculate about what it could have been but I think he was originally coerced into it in some way. And he and Ruth have that in common, she’d see him at least a little differently after that.

They’re the same. Shell of a person, condemned to the work. No escape, not even the cold clutch of death can free you. You are alone, you have no one and nothing save for eachother. No salvation and no one to understand the horrors you face. Lee can’t understand, she can’t know and she doesn’t until the end.

So overall, it would take a while for her to stand his company. Even once she does she still resents him openly for dragging her into it.

He just wears her down over time. Through my experience and that of people I know. I will say, even if you truly hate someone. When you’re forced to go through severe trauma together and have no one else to turn to it kind of tethers you. Their relationship would be horrific and toxic and disgusting. And I don’t think they could ever love eachother, it’s more of a mutual acceptance of their situation and occasional stress relief.

Living with him for so long I’m sure she’s witnessed a fair amount of him going off the rails, and considering their past she knows what he’s capable of and is probably afraid of him.

Buuuuuut fear and arousal go hand in hand. She’s still mildly disgusted with him and I think the first time would take a lot of convincing from him and probably some drinking.

He’s gross, she’s probably walked in oh him either doing something or just naked and knows that he’s,, well endowed. Which, I figure some people must not agree with that because he’s pathetic and that gives small dick vibes BUT! I argue.

He’s kind of huge just as a person so proportionally it would have to be at least decent. And I think it’s funnier to imagine that him having an absolute horse cock but being so,, dale,,, that nobody is touching him with a 10 foot pole.

I do that he has at least a little experience, but from a LOOOng time ago. I think I’ve said this several times already but under the surgery he’s nic cage who doesn’t want nic cage.. AND he was a musician..

They’re both touch starved and old, he’s into freaky shit, it’s getting weird fs.

Ruth is so gorgeous, (I don’t know if lees dad died or was never around? Was that ever hinted at and I missed it. I’m gonna go with he ditched them just because that’s what I’ve seen other people write.) and she was religious, so I’m saying she’s inexperienced too.

Maybe he’d even be the first one to go down on her,, I figure that would be the most common occurrence between them now that I think about it. He gets to have less power over her, (push him to the floor and make him stay there. Pull her dress or skirt over his head so she doesn’t have to look at him.)

she makes up an excuse afterwards to not return the favor and probably never does. It’s almost a death sentence with his size anyways.

She seems pretty skinny and frail I think he’d abuse that and move her around into whatever position he feels like. I feel like this post is getting really long now but I can think of so many things to add 😭😭😭😭.

At first he’s definitely on top, more of a “just get it over with already so I can get away from you” i think she’d hate being manhandled like that though he’s not getting away with it for long. She knows he’s desperate, and she’s not a sex obsessed pervert like him shed be fine holding out. So everything after that is on her terms, she’s yelling at him and smacking his hands away if he’s doing anything she doesn’t want. That would be therapeutic for her too, he probably enjoys the abuse and she gets to take out her anger with him.