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lilysdaydreams · 4 years ago

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Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→ I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two →

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.

#corpse husband #corpse x reader #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x y/n #corpse husband fanfic #corpse fic #sykkuno #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband headcannons #corpse husband one shot #lilydaydreamsfics

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jaekaicx · 3 years ago

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so ive had this idea for an amphibia fangame for a lil while now-

(LONG post)

its based around the idea that sometime after anne got sent back to earth, she decides to sneak out one night to visit sasha and marcys bedrooms and poke through their stuff. this causes a bunch of memories to come back to anne through flashbacks while she tries to process everything thats happened and her feelings abt their friendship.

i was thinking itd be mostly a visual novel type thing. maybe with a few small choices, but the story would be mostly linear. thered be around 3 main story beats: a prologue bit w/ anne sneaking out of her house, marcys bedroom, and sashas bedroom. also one of the main mechanics would be looking at one of their bedrooms and clicking on random objects of importance and triggering a flashback sequence.

it came from the idea that anne will probably try to just shove all her emotions down and try to ignore her feelings abt true colors and everything that went down then. especially with what we saw in the sneak peek, anne will probably try to hide her emotions and bottle them up, which is obviously not healthy. so eventually shes gonna have to work through her emptional baggage and try to process everything.

i havent thought through EVERYTHING just yet, just some more major plot points and maybe one or two ideas for flashbacks. nothing too solid yet. but heres a bit more detailed runthrough of the plot

summary - prologue

so it would start off with anne at home. she and her mom are talking outside annes room. her moms concerned abt how annes been handling everything that happened in amphibia but anne keeps brushing everything off. her mom tries to get her to open up, but she keeps dismissing her and eventually shuts herself in her room. after taking a bit to cool off and think anne decides that shes gonna take the night to just ride off her emotions and stop repressing them for once. she also makes an impulsive decision to sneak out and check out marcy and sashas rooms.

anne goes to gather her stuff in her room, and just as shes about to climb out the window, sprig walks in to check on her. hes still rly concerned abt his big sis but he knows he cant stop her. he tries to go with anne, but she tells him she needs to do this on her own. so, sprig lets her go and tries to cover for her while shes gone.

so at this point i’ll probably give the player the choice of whose house to visit first. it doesnt rly impact the story or whatever, but i guess it might have a small emotional impact depending on whose house u choose to go to first??

(quick note: after this bit, there arent too many specific details for the plot and stuff like that. its largely just an overall idea of how the plot is gonna go. and even then, there isnt much to it. i didnt think that far ahead yet, which is why there isnt as much refinement yet. so far i just have general ideas for how annes gonna get to the bedrooms, with a couple of vague flashback ideas. just keep that in mind; this whole thing is still being thought over and planned as im typing this out)

summary - sasha

with sasha, annes still rly conflicted abt how she feels abt her. of course shes still rly hurt by being backstabbed by her twice and swordfighting her as many times. but as much as she hates sasha she cant bring herself to fully give up on sash. she hates her guts but deep down shes still willing to give sash another chance.

there may or may not be a small sequence where anne has to sneak into sashas house, but eventually she works her way into sashas room. im not entirely sure abt the details of sashas house n her family yet. im probably gonna wait for info from s3 until i solidify anything, but for now i do know that sashas family has a big house n theyre probably rich.

so anne goes into sashas room and its been left pretty much untouched ever since annes birthday, save for the few times someone came in to dust things off. again, dont rly have all the details for sashas room, but it kind of has a vibe of controlled chaos, with organized clutter and a bit of a touch of a rebellious teen girl. one detail i do want to have is a calendar opened up to the month the trio disappeared, with annes birthday circled and highlighted so much that its impossible to miss.

the calendar itself might include a flashback. im thinking of also having a varsity jacket and some old stuffed animal be different “artifacts” that trigger their own memories. there’ll be a bunch more, but those are the only ideas i have so far fjsbndnd

summary - marcy

ok so i want to be rly mean about marcys segment: this is going off the theory that marcys parents moved away while the trio was in amphibia.

anne doesnt know this yet tho, so shes in for quite a surprise when she turns onto marcys street to find a realtor sign on the front lawn. the clues are all there: an empty driveway, sign on the lawn, an overall empty vibe coming from the house. but it doesnt completely register at first. its not til anne actually comes up close does she notice the sign.

anne tries to deny it, and decides to prove to herself that “no marcys parents wouldnt do this. theyre not that cruel. im just gonna check marcys room myself.” the front doors locked, so she just goes over to marcys window and climbs in.

but its completely empty.

ok not totally empty, but a lot of marcys furniture and stuff is gone, except for a few stray toys and other “junk.” the home guys (idk what theyre called????) are still kind of in the process of cleaning everything out, so theres still some stuff left here and there around the house. but its still way too empty. and its yet another gut punch for anne.

anne searches the rest of the house a bit more, hoping that shes just hallucinating. but no, marcys parents are really gone. she tried to deny it before, but now she has more of an idea of how shitty the wu parents are. so anne decides to just mope around in marcys old room, checking out the stuff their parents left behind.

maybe she finds an old blanket marcy liked when he was rly young. or an old rubiks cube from marcys vast collection. a cnc figurine, some cards, a pride flag, and old diary? a couple of other old toys, an old report card or two, or maybe even some stray clothes. whatever anne finds, its all thats left of marcy, at least in LA.

it really doesnt leave anne in that much of a better emotional position. she already felt conflicted enough about what happened in true colors and what she found out abt marcy. but seeing even a small glimpse of what marcy was dealing with, it just makes her more confused. marcy was such a sweet kid! theres no way they couldve done anything wrong. yet here anne was, betrayed by both of her childhood friends.

only now is anne really taking the time to process the fact that marcy essentially kidnapped her and sasha with the calamity box. he didnt mean to do it, and theres no way they couldve known the box would actually work, but it doesnt completely excuse marcy. his actions still hurt anne and sash, and while they meant the best of intentions, it didnt rly come through that way.

and now marcy was dead. stabbed in the back by the newt king.

and now annes curled up in an empty bedroom, wrapped up in one of marcys old blankets, trying to wrap her head around her feelings about marcy while reminiscing in the past.

summary - extras/epilogue??

i kind of like the idea that anne ends up drifting off in which ever bedroom ended up being the second one she visited. she slowly comes back to consciousness, with her surroundings feeling somewhat familiar, only to wake up in horror bc “OH SHIT I FORGOT TO GO BACK HOME” im not completely sold on the idea tho bc it feels a bit abrupt and like too much of a tone shift?? idk it doesnt feel exactly right

but anyways, im also playing around with the idea of a small epilogue scene with the calamity trio hanging out in annes room, a good amount of time after amphibia ended. dont know what theyre doing in there, but theyre just chilling and feeling a bit nostalgic i guess.

but uh yeah thats pretty much what ive got for the overall idea. it doesnt feel too out of reach, but somethjng like this would definitely be ambitious. i could mayyyybe handle writing out the vn and drawing the character sprites, but i have no idea how to code a vn or draw detailed backgrounds, both of which would be pretty important to this fangame fjsndj. so i might consider having help with this.

THIS ISNT ANY SORT OF PROMISE OR WHATEVER. id rly love to follow through and make this fangame a thing, but im not making any guarantees. i have no idea if i’ll actually follow through, but i would definitely love to.

who knows. maybe in like a couple years this might actually become a thing. but for now i have no idea

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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You & Me : chapter 22

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5 - 4.8k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i havent even written half of what I wanted to be written in this chapter so they will have an other discussion in the next chapter, and they’ll spend an other day together. i feel like the song thing wasnt as good as it should have been. so i feel like it really sucks. i just hope it doesnt.

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : heres the few requests i used. i suggest you dont read them before reading the chapters tho!

Chapter 22 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

Just as I opened the door to leave, I came face to face with Louis who rolled his eyes and laughed. I knew I should have left a while ago but the truth was, I hadn't shaved in 4 days and my hair was a mess. I was pretty sure it wouldn't bother Niall but it bothered me and I had to do something about it.

After trying out too many dresses, Julie, Eleanor and I gave up for the day and ended up at the restaurant with a few glasses of wine. We talked, we laughed, and I tried to keep the conversation as far from Niall as I could. I was still trying to sort out how I felt, or mostly, what I wanted, and I felt like it was something I had to do alone. I could lie and pretend I didn't love Niall but it was too late. In fact, I have never stopped loving him and I was not sure I ever would. Possibly, if we stopped talking and seeing each other, I could live with someone else, get married with someone else and be happy to a certain extent, but being around him without being with him would be impossible. I've done that for so many years before we started dating and it made me miserable. If there was one thing I was sure, it's that if I ended up with someone else than Niall, I would cut him out of my life for good. That thought made me want to throw up but I just breathed in, trying to calm myself. I hadn't taken that decision yet and I was not ready to, anyway.

"Five more minutes and you'll be late."

"I'm already late, Louis." I just said, shaking my head.

"Yea no, I told him half an hour, not 15 minutes like you had said. I know you and he does too. Don't lie to yourself, Olivia. You're always late."

"Well, i'm an artist!" I tried to defend myself with a small amused smile.

"Yea yea, use that excuse if you want." Louis chuckled, walking in. "Niall's waiting for you. Hurry or he'll already be asleep!"

"That drunk huh?" I raised my nose up. I sort of hoped we could have a discussion, or maybe I just wanted to feel myself beneath him. I was not sure. Either way, my plan was gonna have to change.

"No he seemed a bit better when we came back."

"Came back from where?" I frowned, tilting my head.

Louis' lips curled and he put his hands in his pockets before looking down and chuckling. He looked up at me again and laughed some more before shaking his head.

"No, no way, he'll tell you himself." he finally said, making me grimace. "He's got a surprise for you."

"Whatever, I don't have time to insist." I smiled and rolled my eyes, walking past him and bringing his face closer to kiss his cheek. "Thanks for calling me, Lou."

He turned around to look at me as I walked to my car and raised his voice to make sure I hear him.

"You take care on the road yea? Call me if you need anything!"

I smiled and nodded. "Don't worry. Now call your girlfriend!"

I quickly hopped in my car and drove to Niall's, feeling suddenly a lot more nervous than I probably should. I didn't know why, it was definitely not the first time I was seeing him, and everything was going so well between us, almost as well as it was before he broke up with me. Of course, we had many things to discuss again but we were on the right path, I could feel it. I shook my head, realizing I was talking about him as if we were dating, or at least, as if I was not supposed to marry someone else, and it made me feel guilty.

However, when he opened the door, all the emotions fighting inside of me suddenly disappeared, All I felt was love and my lips curled into a smile, just like his.

"Thanks so much for coming." he let out, moving a bit to let me in, and closed the door behind me. "I just want you to know that I was not jerking off to your nude. Louis just said that because-"

"He's an ass, I know." I chuckled before licking my lips. "Does that mean my nude was not good fapping material?"

His face changed into a few different expressions but finally, he raised his eyebrows and moved closer to me, bending down slightly to slip his arms around my waist and taking a step closer, forcing me to take a step back until my ass pressed against the couch.

"That nude is definitely great fapping material, I didn't say I wouldn't use it, I just meant that I was not doing it tonight, big difference."

My lips curled more and I chuckled as he bent down to kiss me. It was wrong, I knew it, but I couldn't help myself to let him kiss me and touch me again. I never had enough and I probably never would have.

"You're drunk." I let out before kissing him again.

"Mm, yea, a bit."

I laughed and shook my head. "Come on, let's go to bed yea?"

He groaned and his lips found my neck, making me laugh again. I loved how cuddly he became after drinking and I felt his mouth leaving small kisses on my skin, making goosebumps appear.

"Will you let me hold you and cuddle you?"

I smiled and nodded and with a low sigh, he pulled away. We walked to his room but kept the lights off and I helped him with his shirt and pants before getting undressed too, picking his shirt off the floor and putting it on. We both lied down in bed, facing each other, and I could see his drunk smile even in the darkness.

"Olivia, I love you. I think I always will."

I knew he was past the tipsy stage but I couldn't hide that his words made me smile. I moved closer and brought my hand to his cheek, letting my fingertips brush on it.

"You think?" I asked in a whisper, an amused smile reaching my lips.

"I know. I know I will always love you." he corrected himself, making me chuckle again. "And that nude, oh god, pet, just thinking about it makes me hard, look."

He grabbed my fingers before I could do anything and brought it over his boxers. As soon as I felt the shape of his cock on my palm, I moved my hand away. My heart had skipped a beat and I chuckled nervously before raising my eyebrows.

"Hey, don't do that!" I let out with a laugh, making him laugh too.

"You know I jerk off a lot thinking about you?" he mumbled. "That time you slept here, I walked to your room and saw you naked. Fuck, Liv, It got me so horny. It was the first time I saw you naked in over a year. I'm sorry, I swear it was an accident, but it made me so hard I had to jerk off in the shower."

My lips parted and my breath caught in my throat. I remembered that day very well... a bit too well. "You... wait, what?"

He groaned and moved his head before looking back at me again. "I know! I'm so sorry! I think I even moaned your name when I came."

I stared at him a few more seconds as his eyes moved quickly on my face. I pressed my lips together, feeling my heart thump hard in my chest as I tried to decide if I should tell him what I did or not.

"That day I... I sort of walked to your room to ask you for something and I saw you... in the shower." I admitted as he frowned.

"Really? How did you like it?" he asked, his lips curling into a smile. "You never told me."

I wanted to tell him that I actually touched myself next to him without him knowing but for some reasons, the words wouldn't come out and I stopped trying when he whimpered low and more closer, pulling me against him.

"Say you love me, petal. You love me right?"

I smiled a bit, leaving a soft kiss on his jaw. "I love you, Niall."

"I'm also the best fuck you ever had, I have to be." he added in a mutter, making me laugh this time. "I am, petal, tell me I am. I'm better than Louis, at least, yea?"

I moved back a bit to look at him again and frowned. I was a bit surprised by his request since he was never the type to be insecure and I just licked my lips.

"Does that really scare you?"

His face changed in a funny face and he shrugged. "Ha, no." he told me before his face changed slightly. "Okay maybe a bit."

I brought my hand back to his cheek and I suddenly got serious. I didn't want him to keep thinking about that, it was seriously useless to be scared of that.

"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and more than I'll ever love anyone else. And you're the best fuck I've ever had, and ever will have."

His lips curled into a smirk and he chuckled low. "I know. Now pretend I never asked."

I rolled my eyes and brought my lips to his, kissing him slowly as he answered my kiss. We didn't go further, we just kept kissing gently and deeply until we fell asleep and it was the very first time I had done something like that. When I woke up, the way I had fallen asleep came back to my mind and I felt a stupid grin draw itself on my lips. That was a bit embarrassing yet that was the most romantic thing we ever did together.

I got up slowly, making sure I wouldn't wake him up, and went to the bathroom before going to the kitchen with pills that I left on the counter. I finally made coffee and found eggs and bread, knowing he may not eat at all. I heard a groan behind me and I smiled despite myself until I felt his arms slip around my waist. His lips reached for my neck and I chuckled, moving my shoulder up.

"It tickles!" I admitted, turning to look at him with a smile. "Your stubble."

He laughed and moved away, grabbing a cup and filling it with coffee before literally swallowing the pills with the warm beverage. I remained silent and put the eggs in a plate, leaving it on the counter between us and grabbing the bread in the toaster.

"No thanks, just eggs is fine." he just shook his head as I handed him a toast.

He handed me a fork and we started eating together, still standing up and facing each other. I wanted it to be that way every single day of my life until I'd die. I wanted to wake up with him, eat breakfast with him, and spend the day with him. All my days. Every fucking day.

"What do you wanna do today?" I just asked, seeing him stop moving from the corner of my eyes.

"You're spending the day with me?"

I shrugged and pressed my lips together to make sure I wouldn't smile too big. "If you want me to."

"So many useless words coming from such a pretty mouth."

"Shut up!" I laughed. "You should have heard yourself last night!"

He grimaced and I laughed some more before shaking my head. I moved closer and wrapped both my arms around his neck, quickly pressing my lips against his. He closed his eyes and his arms slithered around my waist pulling me closer.

"What was that for?" he asked in a whisper, staring in my eyes with a smile when I pulled away.

"I was thinking of going for a walk at the park, and since we won't be able to do that there, I thought it was appropriated to do it here before we left."

His smile turned into a smirk and he raised his eyebrows. "You know what we could do before we leave?"

I laughed again and shook my head, taking a step back. God I loved him so much. How did I always feel so beautiful and desirable when I was with him was beyond me. At first, I thought it was just a way to see if he could still get me somehow, and then I thought maybe he just missed the time we were dating but now? Now I was starting to realize that perhaps it was just me. He wanted me, and he loved me. And that conclusion was exactly what I wanted.

"Maybe later." I proposed with a smile. "Let's go out. Fresh air will be good for your headache."

He groaned again and I laughed some more, walking back to his room to get my bag. I quickly got dressed, the smile on my face never faltering. Was that how it would be if I was with Niall? Would I always be happy, in love and excited to spend time with him? Realistically, I knew it was impossible to always be happy or always smile. Everyone had bad days and living with someone, or even just dating someone, was not perfect, but I felt like if I was with Niall, it would come very close to it.

He came back to the room just as I was done and started getting changed in front of me, making me roll my eyes but chuckle. It took him fifteen minutes to get ready as I waited for him next to the front door and when he appeared, my eyebrows raised.

"Wow, you look good." I pointed out.

"Those are just pants and a shirt. Why? Did you change your mind? We can spend the day in the bedroom if you want!"

I laughed again, perfectly aware that he wanted to go out as much as I did, and took a step closer before grabbing his hand in mine and staring at him. After about a minute, he frowned.

"What are we waiting for exactly?"

I squeezes his hand in mine and licked my lips. "Just trying to imagine what it would feel like to walk around with you while holding your hand."

"How does it feel?" he finally asked in a whisper.

I only send him a soft smile and let go of his hand before walking out of his house. He followed me to my car and I got behind the wheel as he took a seat on the passenger's side. He didn't comment but I knew he preferred when we used his car, perhaps it had something with keeping the control or something like that, but this time, I just wanted to choose the place. I brought him back to the park we had gone to meet last time and we walked around, enjoying the sun and the weather. It was quite a big and popular park but he had a cap on and I was clearly not famous enough to be recognized. I frowned a bit when he stepped out of the traced path to reach a part with a lot less people and sat in the grass as I did the same. We hadn't talked at all and it was not awkward. Silence was never awkward between us. After a while, I just lied down in the grass and crossed my ankles to stare at the sky. It took him a few seconds but he did the same and I noticed he had kept both his hands on his chest.

"That's a dragon." I let out, "A dragon who clearly doesn’t spit out fire. More like, bubbles or something."

I brought my arm up and traced the clouds with one of my fingers as he chuckled.

"That looks more like a snowman to me."

"A snowman? Do you have imagination at all?" I argued, raising my nose up before using a dumb voice. "Oh look, a cloud that's shaped like a cloud?"

He laughed too and I glanced at him right on time to see him lick his lips. "Okay, a few sheep then. And a fence." he paused. "Okay this one looks like two persons having sex."

"No, Niall, that's just projection."

This time, he let out a louder laughter and I smiled more. I turned back to the sky, feeling a cold breeze on my cheeks, and my eyes fluttered. My heart did exactly the same when I felt Niall's fingers grip my hand that was laying on the grass, between us.

"No PDA, remember?"

"Yea I'm re-thinking that rule."

I felt something jump in my chest as the surprise took over me but decided not to say anything. The more time I was spending with Niall, the more I realized that he had changed, and a lot. He was more mature, more balanced and clearly way more ready to settle than he used to be.

The day went by very well. We grabbed food on our way back, ate in the car and ended up at the movies. When we walked back inside his house, I felt tired and stretched with a yawn.

"Wine?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Beer is fine."

I followed him to the kitchen and sat on the counter as I looked at him open a beer and throw the cap in the bin. He took a sip and once again I rolled my eyes as he handed it to me.

"When I open it, there's a tax." he explained as If I didn't already know that rule. It had been instituted when we were teens and he had never stopped doing it since then.

"The tax could be something else than a sip, you know." I proposed with a smirk.

"Okay, show me your tits, then."

"You already took a sip." I pointed out.

"Take a sip of my beer and we'll be even. And then, show me your tits."

I laughed but ignored his request before I licked my lips.

"Yesterday you told me you saw me naked a few weeks ago and jerked off thinking about me int he shower." I told him, suddenly a bit stressed. "Remember?"

"Clearly."

I looked down at my beer as he stood near me, his right side leaned against the counter.

"I saw you in the shower." I added.

"Yea I remember you telling me that last night too." he smiled.

"Mm, when I saw you it turned me on. I.. I touched myself, too. While you were jerking off in the shower. I literally masturbated with you but you never saw me."

His lips parted a bit and he put his beer away before letting out the air in his lungs quickly. His eyebrows raised again and he moved between my legs, grabbing the beer from my hands and putting it away with his as he spread his hands on my thighs. He didn't say anything else, he just reached for the hem of my pants and immediately, I held myself with my hands on the counter and moved my ass up. He pulled on my pants, bringing my panties with them and let them fall on the floor before taking a step back.

"Get your feet on the counter, spread those thighs, darling."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and bit my bottom lip before doing what he asked. His gaze immediately dropped between my legs and he grabbed a chair, placing it in front of me before sitting on it. He made a quick chin movement in my direction before looking up in my eyes.

"Show me what you did." he let out. "Do it like I'm not here."

It took me a few seconds to react but I brought two fingers to my mouth, leaving some spit on them before bringing them between my legs. I let my fingers brush on my clit and slip inside me for a few seconds before going back to my clit. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and the way he was looking at me with a stoic face was driving me insane.

"You know, last time was easier because you were touching yourself."

I had no idea what went through his head but he kept looking at my fingers rubbing against my clit and slipping inside me alternately for a few minutes and finally took his cock out and started stroking it very slowly. The sight made a whimper escape my lips and my thighs tensed as I reached for my clit again. He looked amazing and there was nothing I wanted more than to watch him touch himself until he'd reach an orgasm except maybe feeling him inside me. My eyes were stuck on his cock and when he started leaking precum, I took my hand away from my pussy.

"I think you should come here and fuck me."

"No, you come here and sit on me."

I nodded quickly and moved off the counter before straddling him, still holding myself with my feet on the floor. He watched his cock enter me as I sat on it and let out a curse word as I quickly took my shirt and bra off. Once again, I was naked and he was completely dressed but I didn't mind. I felt at ease to be vulnerable in front of him, and that thought brought me close to tears.

I started moving up and down on him and I felt his hands run on my breasts, stomach, back an ass. He spanked me gently and then a bit harder, making me ride him quicker. It felt too good and my whole body started throbbing as I came close to an orgasm. He groaned and I felt his hands on my hips, helping me up. It made me frown but I followed his lead as he took my hand and brought it between my legs. I started rubbing my clit again and whimpered as I saw him jerk or again. I could feel the tip of his cock brush between my legs with each stroke of his hand and when he came, he pushed my hand away and I felt myself start shaking, his cum spurting against my clit as the tip of his cock brushed against it, helping me reach my peak too. I quivered and moaned, hearing him groan and the whole sight was just too hot. I knew it would probably make a mess but I really didn't give a fuck. I was panting as I slowly got down from my high and reached between my legs with my hand, my fingers brushing on my sensitive clit as I spread his cum on my pussy.

"That was so hot." I confessed in a whisper, making him look up in my eyes.

He got up without answering and grabbing my face to kiss me hard. I felt his cock press against my stomach and moaned in his mouth as he smiled through the kiss.

"Stay naked." he murmured as I nodded before I followed him to his room.

I saw him take off his clothes too and went to the bathroom to clean a bit before getting back in bed. He turned the lights off and we stayed together in silence, just watching the ceiling.

"Heidi sent me a picture of you in a wedding dress." he finally just randomly said after a few minutes. "That's why I didn't answer your text message, I was just so... flabbergasted by how good you looked."

I felt a wave of hated for Heidi for half a second but when I realized what Niall had said, it quickly vanished. I knew I looked ridiculous, no matter which dress he had seen me in, but the fact that he thought I looked great made my whole body feel warm suddenly.

"I want a future with you, Olivia." he just admitted, leaving me speechless.

He turned to me and pulled me closer before I heard him start singing. I closed my eyes to focus on his words and besides his voice, all I could hear was the sound of my heartbeats.

"My mind is complicated Find it hard to rearrange it But I'll have to find a way somehow Overreacting lately Find it hard to say I'm sorry But I'll make it up to you somehow

And I just don't know why The stars won't shine at night

Tell me you want it A thousand miles away from the day that we started But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth Well, I'm still in love with you

Did I miscalculate this? Let's just go back to basics Forget about what's come and gone 'Cause I hate to see us like this Breaking up on nights just like this We should be shooting for them stars of gold

So tell me you want it A thousand miles away from the day that we started But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth Then I guess we lost our focus And it's killing me that we could go to war like this But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth Well I'm still in love with you

Oh, we'll be alright Oh, it'll be alright Oh, we'll be alright Oh, it'll be alright

So tell me you want it A thousand miles away from the day that we started But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth I guess we lost our focus And it's killing me that we could go to war like this But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth Well I'm still in love with you"

I held my breath for so long I thought I was just going to pass out but I inhaled again when I felt tears fall down my cheeks. He sniffed and my eyes fluttered open only to see him crying. We just stayed there, laying in the dark, looking at each other, both crying, overwhelmed by feelings we didn't really know how to handle. I moved closer and kissed his lips until he deepened the kiss. I tasted the saltiness of his tears and he probably tasted mine, but we didn't care. All that mattered was his warm naked body against mine and the words he had sang to me.

"I love you so much." he sobbed to me in a whisper. "I wrote this the first day I saw you again at the bakery."

I wanted to tell him that I wanted it, just like he asked. I wanted to tell him that I was ready to jump back into this, to be with him and give us an other chance, but I just couldn't. I breathed in deeply and took a decision though. I was going to break up with Dylan. Clearly, it was not working and whether I decided to be with Niall again or not, I couldn't just keep Dylan around and keep on hurting him for weeks.

"That's one of the most beautiful songs I ever heard, Niall." I murmured, feeling my lips brush against his. "All of your songs for me..."

I cried again, letting more tears fall on my cheeks.

"We did lose our focus it's true... but it's back. I focus on you Niall. And you're right, we'll be alright."

I heard him break down again and it broke my heart. I brought my mouth on his against and we kissed some more. I felt his hand on my back and his fingers holding me so tight that they sank in my skin. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him but there were no words. I wish we could have a longer conversation and I felt like there were so many things left unsaid that clearly needed to be heard, but there was no way I was going to ruin this moment.

"I love you, Niall. We'll be alright." I repeated low before I heard his voice crack slightly.

"We'll be alright."

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toziers · 5 years ago

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can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts.

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention.

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable with “notsfw” and “bill hader”.

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs.

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves.

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over.

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the��“fhg” tag.

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti.

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself.

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog).

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine.

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts.

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again.

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content.

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning.

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves.

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree).

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen.

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19.

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in).

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry.

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has.

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink.

#discourse #biphobia tw #transphobia tw #rape tw #ok goodbye im done with this im back to #only posting gay clown movie #Anonymous

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kvltprince · 5 years ago

Text

I was tagged by the lovely @leporidaefluff (Thank you! it was the push i needed to get started on this instead of just going oh~ neat~!)

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same. Sorry if anyone has already been tagged, no obligation. @ heathie on whatever acct cos im a dumbass an i miss your bois(you miss em too), @randomwordsandstormydays, @randomfuzzbunny, @jornaquinn @chrysocolladawn ( @somewhere-withoutyou if you would...) and anyone else who would enjoy doing this. (if i get tagged again ill do anther oc. i would tag a few others but i feel weird tagging ppl i dont like ever talk to lol.)

What is your name?

"Lucy Grandchester, yeah that one.”

How old are you?

“Fourty-five unless you are getting nitpicky about cryostasis. That doesn’t count unless I am joking with a ghoul, honestly.”

What do you look like?

He lets out a small half chuckle, "Oh, we are doing this okay. I’ll bite. Slightly short middle aged punk, long greying curly hair, undercut, with one leg and too many tattoos?”

Where are you from? Where do you live now?

Lucy uncomfortably takes down his hair and redoes his messy bun while sighing and becoming a bit short. “I’m from just the other side of that irradiated water near that gas station south of here. Name kinda gives it away. You have seen it? I honestly am not sure how it’s standing still between the bombs and everything else. It’s looked after now, and is a surprise asset to still have. I lived in Boston for a while after all that, and back in this area once Nuka World was opened, then back in the Boston area, and would you look at that I am back in Nuka World and it is a lot more comfortable now.”

What was your childhood like?

"...Unstable, for everyone. It got a bit better once my parents were dead... are we done with this line of questions? Or am I excusing you?”

What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

“Well, I started out trying to play nicely vaguely with anyone that didn’t try to shoot me first. That.... hasn’t stayed how it is. At least not fully, though i generally play nice until I am given a reason not to. I am friendly with the Disciples, the Operators, several of the Children of Atom groups that haven't irradiated their sense out of their heads yet, the Railroad.”

Tell me about your best friend.

He finally visibly relaxes the rest of the way after that history business, and takes a drink of a quantum. “Oh only one best friend? Are we in high school again? aw Alright. We have some parallel histories.” He swirls the glowing drink, but doesn't let himself get lost in his head too far. “Great humor, puts up with my shit somehow, doesn't blow my sneaking. Laugh that could take on the world even though they probably wouldn't. No I am not spoiling who I decided on. A man has to have some secrets somewhere and mine are in short supply”

Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

“My son Shaun never ceases to surprise me with what he can come up with, and how well adjusted he is. Codsworth is still helping out with the household, and helping keep Shaun from disassembling live turrets while I am away, though now he is living here at Fizztop with us. Surprisingly it seems to be an alright setup, and Shaun has taught a few people some upgrades in their downtime. There is enough room to keep things comfortable, and I have done some park remodeling since I arrived. My closest companions that don’t hate my choices I have made I consider family, but that has become a smaller circle than before.”

What about a partner or partners?

“Gage of course, he is my husband for whatever it is worth in the wasteland. Otherwise I suppose that depends how you are defining that. I am an affectionate person and some people seem to have rather strict definitions of where the edge of friend and partner should be”

Who are your enemies, and why?

“Several people aren’t speaking to me very well at best after I have settled into the Overboss seat here, on a personal level. The Pack were wiped out. The Brotherhood were wiped out. The Institute were wiped out. The minutemen are pretty pissed understandably. The Gunners still show up in vertibirds sometimes and are still pretty fun target practice. My settlements are generally comfortable, and my outposts mostly only have problems with gunners or trappers. Minor annoyances.”

Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

“Yeah, of course. I think they got too headstrong for their flightsuits. I mean I understand but you really can’t do that shit and expect no repercussions. It was quite a firework show honestly, I wonder how far away the heat was felt..”

What about The Enclave?

"I don’t know much about them, only one of their ex-soldiers, he didn’t exactly tell me much. Cute, a bit odd. Not sure if it is the radiation that did that or not.”

How do you feel about Super Mutants?

He has a flash of a pensive thought drift across his face “There’s a few that aren’t so bad. Obviously the FEV isn’t mass-curable though, so not exactly much of a choice what to do about them unless you like getting a rocket launcher or a nuke in your face.”

What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

“Proobably~ around Bunker Hill, It was just, A Lot. That whole time was not just the specific fight. I don’t remember a lot of it, I’m pretty sure Gage half dragged me home after the main running around and meetings after the fight. I don’t think I had a full thought for a while.”

Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

He thumb points to a sniper rifle leaning against the wall “Yeah, too often, thankfully usually I see them first, and I’ve gotten the sneaking thing down. They make pretty good steaks.”

Do you like fighting?

“Sometimes, honestly. Something tired and overstated about old habits or something boring. Really though, it is exciting and keeps the boredom away. Playfighting and sparring will do, no need to draw blood. I guess. Good to keep knife and sneaking skills sharp however you can.”

What’s your weapon of choice?

“A modded real sharp Throatslicer she called it, I swear Nisha found this thing in the loading dock or something it is the nicest box-cutter I have ever owned. Opens up anything.”

How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

“Outlive everything around me usually by not being seen, notice it first, shoot it faster, stab it more, talk my way out of it, or by luck. I have zero real idea, but I can eat nearly anything and I bet that helps too.”

Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

"Of course, there are a bunch, and I was ushered into 111 to turn my life upside down. They seem to only be any good for salvage, horror stories, clean water sometimes, and if you are real lucky a trade post and a shave. I have a settlement vault that is doing well that I have taken over and built up, but that is not Vault-Tec related, obviously.”

How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

“I have a few recipes that are good for radiation, though it doesn't affect me very badly overall and I am slow to feel any sickness. I suspect that one day I will turn into a ghoul.” He is rather matter of fact and unbothered by this, and hints that he knows that not getting sick much from radiation means just that.

What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

“Probably the stags and gazelles and other herd animals. They are overall unchanged other than most have two heads now, they are still nice to watch”

What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?

“Honestly? radscorpions? Those fuckers are too quick and you cant shoot them cos they tunnel and they knock you on your ass and poison you and just UGH”

How do you feel about robots?

"Robots are alright if they are not causing trouble. Some of them are nice. Jezebel is not so nice, but she is guarding red rocket and bitching the entire time so shes no longer my problem. The Rust Devil’s robots are a pain in my ass for real.”

How many caps do you have on you right now?

"Plenty.”

Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

He cocks his head slightly “I havent heard that one in a while. Depends on the flavor of Nuka Cola, I do like Sunset Sarsaparilla though, if you have any.”

Do you do chems?

"Not recreationally anymore. No, not because of him.” He nods toward Gage “It just, gets out of hand”

Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

"Not as often as you would expect, I mean obviously there is the ‘oh i remember when that wasn't destroyed’ of things, but things are more comfortable than I thought they could be”

What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

His eyes narrow slightly “I don’t really do regret. Things were done the way they were because it was the choice at the time. A choice now for an old situation isn’t helpful to living my current life or my old life. I am not living then, I am living now.”

What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

“Surviving all of this, and myself. Creating this strange semi-stability in this post apocalyptic place.”

What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

“Keep me and mine safe, happy as we can be, and I hope that my found-family never fully stops growing. Curious what the future holds for my raiders and friends, there is so much potential, it could be risky but it is there. For once it is a good solid place to be, and it’s mine.” Lucy polishes off his questionable as hell drink with a smile.

#lucy grandchester #oc interview #this is a bit messy but hey thats fine #longpost #wow no wonder it took so long

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panda-noosh · 6 years ago

Note

Can I request 71 from the angst/fluff prompt list for Klaus?

Oooooh Noosh!! How about 71 and 53 with Klaus?? The walking ouija board is a disaster but he still deserves all the love

71. “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”

53. “Who cares what they think?”

—

You were beginning to see the appeal in numbing your emotions with alcohol. Who would have thought that Klaus had the right idea this entire time?

Your thoughts were slow, sluggish as you leaned over the counter of the bar with yet another glass of wine in your hand. The hours had ticked by too fast. You had lost count, glancing at the clock to see that yet another four hours had passed. It could have been four years, four seconds, an entire decade - quite frankly, you were losing the will to care. You would spend the rest of your life in this place if it meant you never had to face them sickos ever again.

You squeezed your eyes closed, feeling instant guilt at the drunken thought. They were different, yes, and they were rude, but they were still Klaus’s siblings. They had been through hell and back, and just because they thought Klaus could do so much better purely because he had powers, didn’t mean you could belittle them.

Nonetheless, Five’s words continued to swamp your mind as you took yet another sip of your drink. A much-needed sip. Clearly you weren’t yet numb enough.

A soft hand clamped down on your shoulder.

“I have a boyfriend,” you said without turning around.

“God, I’d hope so.”

You span around, very nearly wiping the wine glass off the counter with your forearm in the process. Klaus flinched away, his eyes meeting your own, instantly spiking with worry, confusion and… sobriety?

“Klaus!” you exclaimed. “What are you… Aren’t you supposed to be back - back at the house?”

Klaus shot a glance towards your wine glass, a crease immediately forming between his brows. “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”

You swallowed thickly, the sweet burn of bubbles rushing back down your throat causing you to belch. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mm. I’m sure you don’t.” Before you could protest, Klaus grabbed your hand and started through the thick crowd of equally drunk party-goers, heading directly towards the door. Every part of you wanted to argue, pull back and ask him what right he had of destroying your night out - he went on drug binges every other night, got absolutely smashed almost every day. What right did he have telling you when you could and couldn’t have a drink?

But you did not argue, and maybe it was because you were too tired, or maybe it was because of the way Klaus was running his thumb over your knuckles, the mesmerising movements leaving you stiff and silent.

The two of you escaped the club in a matter of minutes, Klaus using his usual charming “Excuse me, thank you, thank you, yes, very nice t-shirt you’re wearing sir!” to get through the thick crowd quicker.

It was dark. You frowned, glaring up at the moon through squinted eyes because you were fairly certain it had been daylight when you ran into the bar in the first place.

Klaus tugged on your hand, drawing your attention back to him. Immediately he cupped your face, tilting your head back and forth, inspecting your eyes.

“Did you take any drugs off of anyone in there?” he asked.

You swatted his hands away, stumbling in the process. His arms immediately wrapped around your waist, gently lowered you onto the curb to stop you from either falling over or throwing up everywhere.

“I’m not stupid,” you hissed. “I don’t just inject myself with anything that’s handed to me.”

Klaus shrugged. “Fair enough. Then are you gonna tell me what you’re in here soaking your feelings for?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Klaus stayed silent. Your willpower didn’t last long. “I went to your house to see if you were there and Five basically told me not to show my face again, and that you only loved me because I’m someone for you to talk to when the voices get too bad.”

For a second, you thought that Klaus had got up and left. He could have easily done so and you wouldn’t have noticed, not with the state your brain was in at the moment. But glancing to the side, you were able to see him still sitting beside you, his knees tucked tight against his chest, his fingers tapping against his thighs.

You leaned forward, trying to catch his eye. “Klaus?”

“You know, sometime I truly do hate that little shit.”

You pulled back, startled. “Klaus, it wasn’t-”

“Who cares what they think?” he continued, swinging around to look at you. “He’s a - He’s an idiot anyway! Sure, he can time travel and he uses all them fancy words to describe time and space, but he doesn’t know the first god damn thing about me or you, so he can keep his stupid mouth shut!”

In any other circumstance, you might have laughed at his use of innocent language, his sober attempts at insulting his brother, but right now, all you could make out was the genuine anger dripping off of each of his words, the way his eyes widened and his nostrils flared, the way he tapped at his leg impatiently.

You slowly reached out, grabbed his hand and intertwined your fingers. “It’s okay.”

He grunted, looking down at where your hands were linked. “I beg to differ.”

“I was - I didn’t believe him when he said it, Klaus,” you assured, looking for anything to calm him down. “You’ve shown me so many times that you love me. Just because Five decided to-”

“Be an ass,” Klaus finished for you.

“Decided to get involved, doesn’t mean you should go and … you know … . start bad mouthing him.” You winced. “We don’t actually know what he’ll do if he hears you.”

Klaus hollowed out his cheeks, running a hand through his hair. “My bad. This whole sober thing is really messing with my brain.” He shook his head, not unlike a dog trying to get dry. “Plus, seeing you drunk messed with my head as well. It’s usually you taking the alcohol out of my hands.”

“I’m finished now anyway,” you said. “How about we go back to the house and play a game of Guess Who?”

Klaus scowled, even as he allowed you to drag him off the curb despite the slight stumble in your step. “You sober people are so boring.”

#klaus hargreeves drabble #tua drabble #the umbrella academy drabble

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kissmetae · 6 years ago

Text

A rant ahead

Plese excuse the typos and missing letters this potential mess will have, my keyboard is laggy and 3 keys don’t have actual keys on em and some are hella slow ANYWAY: I just got off the phone with my dad and yes I was cold and short worded but it’s because I’m still upset and dissapointed and he doesn’t even know I am. I’ve told my mum about it and she knows that I’m mad and upset at him but tomorrow we’re celebrating my birthday (one day early) me, mum, dad, sTePdAd and dad’s gf and I just... sigh

i’ve already ranted about how my parents make me feel like it’s the most annoying time of the year when it for me is the only time unless something big happens that i get to be with my mum and dad at the same time (ofc neither any of the 4 know what divorced parents feels like) and they both know about it and they toldme they dont think so but fckn hell they (my mum mainly.) really make it feel like it’s so annoying and problematic.

But this is about why i’m mad and just want to get it out of me.

I haven’t met my dad since the weekend before i went to london to go see BTS, when i did he made me feel so fckn upset. I was trying to talk about this big exciting trip i had waiting for me and he pays little to no interest and sure i am aware of that he was mad at his work place BUT he apparently isn’t mad enough to bring up the fact that his gf’s nephew is coming to visit us (he lives in greece, so he’s coming to sweden again) for the idk 4th time. and that was my last straw because he has constantly been making me feel like he is way more interested in what my unofficial cousin’s are doing THAN ME. i even had thoughts like it would be so much better if i wasnt here or if he had a son instead because all i feel is that “Oh felicia she is so boring she has nothing going for her and no aspirations” (I have a ton of aspirations if anyone would ever want to listen to me talk about them. *cough*).

When we were in greece this august to visit them he just came to me to complain about his gf and her sister (who i also was hella pissed of with but i had better things to do than waste my time on that and tried to enjoy myself elsewhere instead.) What upset me is how my dad, a british person (living in sweden and fluent in swedish) is trying to very hard to intergrate with greek culture (greeceboo literally, i’m not joking it’s not funny.) and i dont’ have anything against greece or greek culture BUT i do have something against my dad telling me to hurry up IN GREEK when we’re crossing a street like he’s some kind of controlling alpha or sdigpwshwgwihgwgwpoer gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah it pissses me off so fucking much yjrutesjrtjrtdjtjtrds

anyway he keeps telling me that these people I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE are my cousins.

yes.

they are not.

and i told him when we were walking alone how uncomfortable it makes me and that they’re not my cousins and i want him to stop and instead of even trying to understand he snorts at me and calls me lame/ridiculous (löjlig). (did i mention that he also tries to sound like he has a greek accent, probs unknowingly but i called him out on it once and he awkwardly laugh a laugh that sayd he is aware of it) anyhow when my CoUsIn came to visit i didnt do anything with them or meet up, purposely bc the last time he visisted i was left out AS FUCK and then asked to give thme a ride into town -_-

he also becomes oddly sexist and deragatory when he’s with them or in greece and he blames it on that “that’s how it is here.” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? ok sure so youre gonne treat your own daughter differently just bc we’re in another country? it’s the same thing when we’re in the uk.

but that’s that and then there’s this other incident that is relevant when he once told me to put on some music in the car and i was like sure ok :) and scroll through my playlists and then he just cuts in before ive evene put on anything “But none of that chinese stuff” (referring to kpop)

first of all, chinese? ok... second of all WHAT DO U HAVE AGAINST IT WHEN U LITERALLY LISTEN TO FCKN GREEK MUSIC and that made me very fcking sad because yet again I GET SHAMED FOR LIKING SOMETHING OR FOR BEING WHO I AM

I have talked about the bts concert on the phone, didn’t get much of a reaction and i havent even had the chance to show my photos from my trip or anything from the trip and im sure he wouldnt even like to look at it, just like when im trying to show my latest drawings for him he just says something short and basically im trying to be nice but u can hear in my voice that im not impressed nither do i care very much.

So fine, go and CARE how much u want about my cOuSiN and get involved in his life and listen and watch and talk about what he has going for him, you obviously care more about them than you do about me.

You can’t even listen to me, you shame me for my interests, you literally neglect anything i’m excited about and change subject mid sentence. When I told him about how i didnt like the bakery he sounded almost mad like he didnt even understand and i tried to explain and then he cut me off mid sentence talking about something else and i told him bc i was so mad at that point for all of this THAT I WASNT DONE TALKING ABOUT IT and he just goes “Yeah yeah, you didnt like it.” literally show some emphapahy?

all he keeps saying to me is “ full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job full time job” OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND IVE TOLD HIM I WANT TO STUDY UNI AND THAT I DONT WANT A FULL TIME JOB YET 39823985723524075295 TIMES BUT HE NEVER LISTENS! HE WOULDNT EVEN CARE MORE IF I GOT A FULL ONE, IM TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE IM ALMOST 22 I WANT FREEDOM TO DO WHAT I LIKE AND TRAVEL AND EXPLORE BUT NOTHING OF THAT MATTER IM JUST A BORING PERSON IN HIS EYES WITH NO ASPIRATIONS, INTERESTS OR GOALS I GUESS

IM so fckn done with this

#there's more to it but this is the main why im upset

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glowstickhaloboy · 7 years ago

Text

part 2 of that au where lance is a night vision mermaid

hi im back

link to part 1

the next night, keith is waiting when lance sneaks up to the surface. who knows how long hes been sitting on that rock, but he looks massively bored as lance comes out of the water. then he all but lights up. “you came back.”

lance tilts his head to the side. “stop saying things that will ruin my reputation.”

“i didnt know if you would. i thought i might have been c-”

“did you tell anyone about this?” asks lance.

keith shakes his head, shuffles to the very edge of the rock. “no one. please tell me your name.”

“first,” says lance, “i need to know something. why are you out here? you said you were after knowledge, but for what purposes?”

“what do you mean?”

“what kind of knowledge?”

“anything,” keith breathes, leaning closer. the moonlight shines in his eyes and hair. hes so dry, yet he glows. “everything.”

“and what do you plan to do with it?”

again, that question stumps keith. he sits back on his feet. “i...”

so far, this is going well.

“i’ll tell you,” lance asserts, puffing himself up to his full impressiveness. “nothing. youre going to do nothing with this knowledge except keep it for yourself. any secret i trust you with is meant for you, not your animalistic human world. no publications, no research teams, no clamoring for more evidence to build an arsenal of strategy against my people. and, as always, i decide that if i no longer trust you, i get to drown you.”

keith’s throat bobs at that last statement, but it seems bravery has a furnished home inside his chest. he nods. “i wont betray you,” he says. “not even to my team, if you dont want.”

“no, not even your team. you’ll have to come up with excuses for them.”

keith nods again.

“and one more thing,” lance continues. “i dont think its fair that these secrets are free. youre cute, but youre not that cute. so, heres how itll work: you tell me something about you, and i’ll tell you something about me, and when you get tired or the sun starts to come up, i’ll go back under the surface and we’ll meet again when it gets dark. does midnight sound fair?”

keith begins to nod another time, but stops himself. “hold on,” he says. “will you tell me the truth? i have no way of knowing.”

“of course,” says lance. “mermaids cant lie.”

skeptical, keith narrows his eyes, the cogs visibly turning in his head.

lance snorts. “yeah, that wasnt true. but,” he says, drawing close enough that he could drop his voice to a murmur, “i have no reason to lie to you if i know you arent going to tell anyone else.”

keith accepts this. “can i ask questions if i want to know something specific?”

“yes.”

“okay,” says keith. “you said i go first, so what do you want to know about me?”

“what,” says lance, “is it like to walk on those ungodly tools you call legs???”

keith pulls his knee up to his chest. “this? it’s like... well, its different from swimming. ive been swimming before but, uh,, still had to use these to do it, so i dont really know how to describe it. its like... walking?”

“you,” lance says flatly, “are not the most intellectually evolved of your species, are you?”

“i hunt mermaids for a living because i cant get a real job.”

“can i feel it?”

“what?”

“can i feel your leg?”

if this is a weird request, it cannot possibly be weirder than the event of meeting a mermaid, so keith is unfazed by it. “yeah, sure.”

he sticks his leg out over the water. lance is, at first, a little intimidated by the straightness and inflexibility of it, but eventually he decides that it is basically like a bigger, stronger arm and that humans are very weird. satisfied, he and keith both withdraw.

“okay,” says keith, with the air of somebody about to do something very important after an absurdly long amount of waiting. “what is your name?”

lance smiles. “lance.”

it’s like lance has applied salve to a wound. keith closes his eyes and breathes out through his nose. his shoulders relax. “youre real,” he says, like he just found this out.

“gee, you sure know how to flatter a fish.”

but it starts the conversation. keith tells lance about the practice of cryptozoology and lance tells keith about ocean-bottom culture. keith talks about growing up and going to school, and lance talks about being raised by a family bigger than keith could imagine and learning to provide for each other. keith explains war and lance explains peace.

from there, they go on to ask more personal questions. who is hunk and why would he be upset if he knew you were here? what made you so fascinated with mermaids that you decided to vacation on a rock? keiths eyelids start to droop. lance is getting a little fatigued himself. this conversation is putting even his talking skills to the test, and keiths throat has gone scratchy. its nice. theyre both relaxed. lance becomes aware of how completely comfortable he is.

“its late,” lance says at last. “you dont want your friends to wake and catch you out of your reef. er, bed?”

keith has this look in his eye like hes worried to let lance go in case he doesnt come back.

lance yawns and says, “midnight.”

then he dives under the water.

its strange to think about, but being fully submerged again feels weird after having his head sticking out into the air for four hours. the water is warm on his face. he cant wait to get back to his reef and crash.

except hunk is waiting for him there.

“dude,” he says. “where’ve you been?”

lance’s heart does backflips. WHAT DOES HE SAY?

“hunk,” he says. “you’re here!”

“yeah,” says hunk.

lance tries again for better wording. “what are you doing here?”

“looking for you?? at your house????”

and lance is like, well im fucked.

“i was out,” he hedges. “with, uh, someone.”

“lance, if that were true, you would be over the moon right now and i would have known about it for days because you would never have shut up about it!”

“thats not true! and besides, i wasnt with him like that. well, maybe i was, i dont know... im kind of confused about it.”

“really? you wanna talk about it?”

no.

he doesnt have to fake a yawn. “actually, buddy, i would, but i am super beat. i’ll tell you all about him when i know whats going on. oh, was there something you wanted?”

“just checking in on you. you havent tried sneaking back up to the surface have you?”

“why would you ask me that?”

“because your brain is the ocean’s strongest magnet for horrible ideas.”

“well thanks,” says lance, a little colder than he otherwise would have been. “and i’ll have you know that i have not been to the surface. it’s totally overrated. who’d want to be walking up there on a pair of lame, clunky legs? goodnight, buddy.”

hunk leaves lance to his rest.

and the next night, keith looks different. hes in shorts, the lunatic, with no shirt on and a towel draped around his shoulders.

“what are you doing?” asks lance.

keith merely grunts and slides into the water. he takes a few shuddering breaths and paddles closer to lance.

“i wanted to,” says keith. he holds out an arm. under the waves, lance can feel his clumsy feet kicking and kicking and kicking.

“you know how far down the sea floor is, dont you?” asks lance.

keith says, “im not stupid. i’ll get back on the rock if my legs get tired.”

Legs, Lance thinks with contempt.

“well,” he says, “if youre getting that close, i want to be able to touch you.”

“why do you think i did this?”

and its a great idea until it isnt. it starts off with lance feeling like someone is taking a big risk to be close to him, and his heart tries for a complicated swelling motion before lance manually tamps it down again. he looks at keith’s face and instead of seeing a face which happens to be clearly human, he sees all the fragile features that make it human, and an overwhelming need to protect their delicacy suddenly rises in him.

what simultaneously rises is a wave so strong that it folds over keith and drags him under the water.

lance’s instincts take control. like lightning, he dives under the water, snatches keith’s arm, and drags him back up to his rock, where he sets him and retreats. keith coughs up water, shaking, and reaches for his towel.

“are you alright?” asks lance.

“you saved me,” says keith, like he cant believe it.

“well, yeah.”

unexpectedly, keith grins at him. “i thought i was just a boring human,” he says. “thought you didnt care if i drowned.”

lance feels an alien heat rise in his cheeks. is the above-surface air getting to him?

“i said i would be the one to drown you,” he argues. “i think thats enough for tonight. i’ll see you tomorrow.”

keiths mouth falls open in protest, but before he can say anything else, lance disappears. he doesnt stop swimming until hes back down at his reef, and even then he feels like the whole ocean can hear his heart hammering. he had saved keith. why had he done that? because he wasnt a bad person, obviously. he wasnt going to just stand by and watch an innocent man die.

but there was something deeper. something that he could not explain and therefore elected to ignore.

#klance #klance au #fic #lance mcclain #keith kogane #voltron #v:ld #mermaid au #i havent proofread it because its been sitting here for 1000 years so DEAL w/ it

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verngyu-moved · 6 years ago

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war, tome, and crown || ch. iv PREVIEW

author’s note: firstly i really want to apologize to anyone who was waiting on ch. 4--because no, i haven’t given up on writing this fic. in case you dont follow me or havent seen, my mom had health issues that began in late june and still have yet to be solved. it was thought to be cancer until just a few weeks ago her biopsy came back benign (thank GOD), but while she was bedridden i took up most of the housework, and tumblr became less of a priority. thus, making my poor story (and its audience) suffer. i’m really sorry i wasn’t able to keep up, to be honest i don’t know if anyone really reads this anymore, i couldn’t even open google docs because i was just so depressed + worried + heartbroken about my mom. thankfully, all the worst case scenarios that played out in my head turned out to be false, and regardless of the circumstances, i want to finish this story for me. however, to anyone who keeps up with WTAC, i really appreciate the love + support for my writing...i have more to say but i’ll save the real big thank you’s for when i finish. but please know the time you sacrifice to read my stuff means a lot to me, and its been a real joy writing it. its an honor to bring a world i love to life so much *throws uwus* so hopefully this is enough to hold you over til the end of the week or until next week !

-deedee

p.s. this chapter may be the longest ive ever written, with over 4k+ words while im only ~60% done (⊙︿⊙✿)

* this is just a preview, not the final version. excuse any typos or grammar mistakes.

“What sounds good to you, Your Highness?” Taking a look around at the bustling town square, people brushing past you and countless conversations all being had at once, their words jumbled up and nearly identical like cards in a deck. The gray and brown bakeries and smiths shoppes squished together, and the irony amuses you, as if the two had anything in common. Vendors have set up their businesses in front of these buildings, yelling in every direction—you scoff, wondering how it could draw in any business. One burly man hollers about how chicken is a vital element to the human diet, a lady in a blue bonnet politely but loudly calls onlookers to consider purchasing fabric (once again, you question how the two were related.) But you can’t bear to ask yourself any more questions before you’re hit with the scent of gingerbread, your mouth watering as you frantically look for the source of the painfully sweet scent. This is your first time in a marketplace, and it seems like it’s even stranger than the portrayals you hear about in the novels—nonetheless, it’s exciting. “Your Highness?” Cheol calls out to you again, but you knowingly remain silent, allowing yourself to take in the sights and smells before he remembers, “Ah, right, it’s your first time in a marketplace. Does anything catch your eye?” Upon hearing you sniff and your eyes searching every crevice of the marketplace, Cheol further pesters, “Or nose?” “Gingerbread.” is all you can say, you hadn’t realized you were this hungry but it only makes sense considering you hadn’t eaten yet. And perhaps the thrill of your civilian endeavors for the day have casted a spell on you. Cheol heads in the direction of the cookies, leading the way while you follow like a subservient puppy. Really, cookies in the morning, Y/N? you think to yourself, hastily pushing away the guilt that comes with eating cookies first thing in the morning. This is a first for you, and you’d rather not let it be overshadowed by an adamant sense of self discipline. Besides, with each passing second, you want those cookies more.

Seungcheol shells out a few coins in exchange for a few gingerbread cookies before you thank him, handing you a cloth with your treasure inside of it. Both of you wander away, Cheol groaning how he needs to buy a basket since he didn’t bring one, and before he can even reach the vendor for it that’s placed just paces away, you’ve devoured them all. “Great Mila! You ate all those already?” he laughs in disbelief, seemingly pleased at your appetite. “Sorry, I haven’t eaten yet, and I have a bit of a sweet tooth.” you reply transparently, satisfied with your marketplace experience thus far. “Guess I’ll be buying you breakfast, then.”

#seventeen #seventeen fic #only >500 words sdhfjgksdnfg #but i thought i owed readers /something/ after 84 years of no updates #*wtac #*fic #*

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brokenhayatim · 4 years ago

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exhale

idk how long this is gonna be but it goes a little something like this. you ever been so afraid of failing that you just procrastinate and avoid for so long? each day you tell yourself you’ll finally suck it up and push through but the fear and anxiety are almost so paralyzing you don’t even wanna go near the task.

i’s just been months..like maybe even five at this rate. i tell myself to start the clock the day i graduated but i know the truth. the last year-ish was my idkwhatimdoingwithmylifeohmygod era and i just thought i passed it with a bit more advice and options. but it’s like it was all almost pretty bubbles and they just popped so long ago that i’m lost and confused and afraid and nervous and all of that is so ridiculous, it embarrasses me. i’m not really that lazy but i say it to try and explain alot, i think. or i say that i’m just relaxing or something, when i know everyday my thoughts are always on this same thing and never being good enough to get through the rut. it wasnt till i was on a walk, voice memo-ing a friend and the anxiety just peeked through a bit and i was hearing my own thoughts aloud like ....thats true? and i’m told to not be afraid and to just let whatever happens happen if it’s best for me and i know that but i also dont?

everyday i constantly think about deleting every single social media app i’m on bc i feel this heavy weight of uselessness and incompetence. why couldn’t i have learned things like this person or been more out there like that person?what’s wrong with me? and i begin to rationalize it with my childhood and how i was raised and it never is fulfilling. it’s constantly not enough, nothing about me is. i’m not creative at all and what i can do, so many can do better and so why would anyone actually pick me? even the things and issues i’m passionate about, what do i really know? even my knowledge seems so below average and it’s confusing and stressful. i feel like if someone asked me a question about anything right now that i’ve just forgotten everything important and couldn’t even articulate a proper response. and i wanted to be an activist??? since i have to interview for jobs online now bc the pandemic it’s made me so nervous. i feel most in my element during in person interviews and i say that as someone that’s also awkward and nervous in the room. but i’m more anxious of the constant string of rejections i know i’m gonna receive now bc i can barely speak english and there’s nothing special about me at all. at least in person, i can smile and make it less weird. and i connect so much better that way, which loosens me up .000009% more. it’s really babyish i guess bc everyone is adjusting and i’m just not. and i thought i was with everything but i guess i really wasnt. and coming home everytime makes me fall back into this person i dont like ad i get so sluggish (my sister says its the trauma) and i dont know bc one day she’s waking up in florida and being a good semi productive human and the next she’s back in new york and its many low days and nerves. honestly the way this house sucks the life out of me, i dont even think i’d be good at any remote job. it’s kinda the reason half my brain is pushing the dead part bc i want to leave. be more self-sufficient and alone again. but where and how, you know? obvs im gonna need a job for that. it’s just this domino effect and i’m scared to push the first one and it’s annoying and i hate it goddaammit. the moment i came home, i just have always felt unworthy and other to my family. like they don;t care, like they’re not proud, like i’ve done nothing these past years and that’s my fault for not being an open book like the rest.

i’m gonna have to edit this bc i will not remember 87 months worth of pandemic thoughts into this post right now but. i tell myself i came home and decided to take a break for a bit, or focused on my health and appointments, but really..i dont know. i think i say it to justify all these hollow days of disappointment, which it never does. i’m afraid to ask for help or even a nice job recommendation from my last employer bc all i can think about is that it’s been months and what have i been doing this whole time? and i think they’ll ask that or think ??? now ??? and i get in my head. i know its not illogical and the worst anyone can say is no and yada yada but ugh this is why i hate my mind and just overthinking ... or not thinking?? who knows. i’m constantly letting myself down but .., i dont want anyone to know that. does that make sense. maybe i have this need to be superficial and make my life seem so nice and good and right bc i never see myself as that and i worry of people’s opinions and crave affirmations.

the first appt i had coming home was my neurosurgeon one and my dad and him sort of just had this rushed timeline in their heads of how i would go into the ER one day soon and bam its done. i didnt wanna think about that so i tried to focus on my job stuff .. then got stressed so i just started scheduling the appointments i needed. then stopped and did more work stuff. then the secretary called me like ???? u havent done these exams yet and i was like yeah uhhh. bc when i do them it’s one step closer to doing the surgery and i know i want the surgery i’m just getting in my head again and don’t want it to be now. my sister told me to make sure i let her know when i choose a date and i was like mhm i wanna finish the job stuff and get my life sorted first and she was just ???? what ?? this is clearly more important. but here’s the kicker. i went on a walk the other day and just cried coming to terms with it all bc honestly i still dream of not making it out alive and a part of me thinks, at least if i did this one thing right and found a job and all that, that it would okay what happens next. like at least i was successful in that one thing. i think about how unworthy and unproud i am of myself and for months now, just felt like this would be a beautifully cowardice way out. and i think about the after, and cant even imagine strong devastation and sorrow. is that strange? like i expect everyone to just go on. bc i’m a simple buffer with no real purpose left. i walk and think about dreams and hopes and what i would miss and just one thing that make me call this entire fantasy completely insane and i just draw blank. so i cry because, of course. this fantasy isn’t new either, since last year i’ve been speaking to my therapist and writing about it. we would speak of suicide and i always respond like that’s a huge no bc of my religion but i say, i think about if something went wrong and that was it, how i want it to be like that. take the pressure, take the blame, take it all off me in a way. and some days i’m scared that i’ll wake up in the hospital bed after and be in pain and coddled and annoyed by the attention i’m only getting bc of that pain. and i dont want you to be here just because of the pain but i feel like you’re here only because of that. that you came, that you’re seeing me, that you care only because of it. so what am i without it? just back to nothing? the headaches were lonely but i feel less lonely with this diagnosis, like i have something good about me, worthy about me. something that makes me important to someone, even if it’s the neurologist that wants my money. to be real, i dont even think i care about the pain leaving as much as the fact that i can’t label myself as this person with chronic pain. like even if i was cured and oo lala all better, a part of me would still want to have this neuro condition. like ?? i was thinking: imagine beating cancer and feeling better but wanting to say .. and then realized the key difference. with that you survive, you are survivor. even if it’s gone that who you are. when this leaves me, i’m nothing and i’ll just go back to being nothing. no one says u survived brain surgery or survived a brain condition. it’s just done and forgotten. there’s nothing exciting about my life other than my mri visits i swear. i decided to do the surgery bc it would be stupid of me not to, and i’m still holding back, still unsure of even a set month. i just know i didnt want to follow covid rules of 1 visitor bc i know it would be one of my parents and i would jump out the window myself. but covid isnt rlly going away so is that the best excuse i have? i havent thought past these appointments and its almost like im doing it all for the wrong reasons, like enjoying it rather than wanting it to help me. i dont know.

unrelated but a song that always makes me cry and is actually the song i was listening to when i had that panic attack on the plane: finally by james arthur around 2:30. always brings out the hollowness in me hm.

**** i’m coming back to this but i got all my plaguing thoughts outish so

#asiya's thoughts

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pikapepikachuu · 5 years ago

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Terrible Tahs kill off season with insipid first half against Brumbies

"I thought we started well but then there was that period between the 20th and 40th minute where I thought the Brumbies had an excellent platform to operate from," said coach Daryl Gibson. "Their set-piece functioned very well and put a lot of pressure on us and they were able to score tries from it. "We won that second half but obviously things were very difficult at that stage to come back from." The trip to Invercargill next week to face the Highlanders will be a grim one for a squad with only pride to play for. NSW had a chance to draw level with the Rebels (34 points) or even go just ahead but produced their worst performance of the year when it mattered most. "The Brumbies stuck to their guns and played a really dominant game there," said Waratahs captain Michael Hooper. "We went out there full of intent and wanting to get the job done and sticking to our stuff but the Brumbies were too strong. They found a game that has worked so well for them." Eight defeats this season by eight points or fewer is a tough pill to swallow and had some of those results gone the way of Hoopers men, he would have been able to front the cameras in a far better mood.

No more excuses: Michael Hooper again had to front the cameras to explain a Waratahs loss.Credit:AAP Meanwhile, the Brumbies guaranteed themselves top spot in the Australian conference and will host a home quarter-final in a fortnight. It is the sixth time the Waratahs have lost to the Brumbies in seven matches since 2016. The victory was the Brumbies fifth on the trot and the last time they achieved that milestone was in 2007. Loading Barring a mathematical miracle, for the third time in four seasons the Waratahs wont play finals football in yet another underwhelming outcome for a group stacked with Wallabies representatives. Since Gibson took over at the beginning of 2016, the Waratahs have tasted victory in 28 of their 63 matches for a winning record of 44 per cent. "For me the season is not finished," Gibson said. "The time for reflection will be after the game next weekend and certainly well have a good discussion and a review and go through and work out what we need to fix up." Loading Luckily for Gibson, he doesnt have to lose sleep over the headache that had been looming resting Wallabies representatives in a game where the finals were still in his sides grasp. It looks like Sekope Kepu, Rob Simmons, Hooper, Foley and Kurtley Beale wont get their frequent flyer points next week. "[Resting players] is something that will come into our consideration when we get around to selection next week," Gibson said. "Its really important the team finishes the season well though." A couple of early Waratahs handling errors didnt cost them too dearly as Foley booted a penalty in the 11th minute to give the home side an early advantage.

Making a game of it: Nick Phipps crosses for the home side at Bankwest Stadium, but it proved to be a mere consolation.Credit:AAP A defensive lapse close to the line then saw Rory Arnold reach over and plant the ball over the line, prompting former Wallaby and Fox Sports commentator Stephen Hoiles to label him the best Australian second-rower in Super Rugby "by a country mile". The Brumbies kicked ahead even further thanks to Andy Muirhead, even if the Waratahs protested that he did not ground the ball despite referee Ben OKeeffe giving it the thumbs-up. A potential forward pass wasn't picked up in the lead-up to an Irae Simone try but the Waratahs only had themselves to blame with a poor defensive read on their right edge.

Straightening the attack: Rob Valetini of the Brumbies is tackled by Bernard Foley and Michael Hooper.Credit:AAP Nick Phipps, in his final home match for the Waratahs, wasnt having his best outing before dotting the ball over the line in the 48th minute to give NSW a faint hope of orchestrating a remarkable comeback. Loading Kepu, one of the great Waratahs stalwarts, trudged off in the 61st minute with little in the tank to warm applause in his last game for NSW on home soil. It was hardly a fitting way to send off a player of his calibre. The Waratahs had their fair share of possession and territory in the second half but couldnt come away with enough points. The absence of Israel Folau and Taqele Naiyaravoro has been more profound than anyone could have imagined. Christian Lealiifanos clever strip from Jed Holloway close to the line in the 69th minute summed up the evening. Adam Ashley-Cooper scooped up a clever left-foot grubber in behind the line from Foley to score in the 71st minute and get NSW within 11 points but it was too little too late as Tom Cusack and Curtis Rona traded late five-pointers. "We havent got that momentum or that roll-on that we got last year," Foley said. "I felt at the back end of last year the boys application was awesome. This year weve tried hard and the resilience and the character shown has been great but its just fallen short sometimes." Tom Decent is a journalist with The Sydney Morning Herald Most Viewed in Sport Loading

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snowinglilys · 6 years ago

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☄ Have you ever been in the middle of drama?

Ask meme

Only a couple times and one i remember best started icly and eneded oocly and is under the cut incase of people who dont want to see me being salty about something that happened last year

OKAY so, i actually run a homestuck blog that is yandere heavey so to speak, hes a murderer and not afraid to sweet talk someone only to turn around and hurt them, so all ‘n all hes a bad person. Not to say he cant be good to but theres only like 2 people he actually will not hurt and thats only because the one hes married to and could litterally kill him before he had a chance if they chose to

ANYWAYS, i plotted out something with a once friend since they wanted something bad to happen to their muse and i knew my muse hated theirs i was like yo i could do it for you no biggy, we planned it just to be between us becuase i didnt want it thrown everywhere it was just supposed to be between us, like ive done plots with Leo before where my muse hurts theirs and they’ve been super awesome and havent thrown it all around and pulled eveyone into it which is why i enjoy plotting with them, as well as plotted with someone else where my other muse actually killed theirs and they kept it between us to like asked to anyways off track.

Well my muse ended up taking the other muses eyes as planned, even nice enough to knock her out so she wouldnt have to be awake for it when he normally doesnt knock people out he likes hurting people. but when she woke up the mun threw it everywhere i mean litterally the muse was telling EVERYONE about it, they even got an offer for new eyes and they turned it down and kept whining about how they were blind now, and i of course was taken back becuase we planned to keep it between us. I even talked the the mun about it and only got excuses before she continued to throw it into everyones faces

Then these two friends of the muses actually got involved and started BABYING her i mean litterally acting like she was a baby who could do no bad (she litterally baited a known serial killer over and over and thought he was joking when he said he’d hurt her) and said how she wasnt at fault for it even if we plotted it as she litterally was. They even went as far as to tell a blind muse that his opinion on being blind wasnt valid and the one muse was more valid being blind then he was

Not only that but then they turned on my muse which is fine i expected it after knowing that pretty much everyone knew about it and the fact my muse had taken someones eyes but they started suicide baiting my muse on posts that didnt even concern them (even tho my rules say i dont do well with suicide things) throwing a HUGE fit when after they threatened to kill my muse and at the time my partners muse defended mine and was protecting him instead of their own sister (who pretty much everyone in the timeline hated) and had a couple other people who he made friends with protect him from them.

So me and the one friend of the muse who lost her eyes mun plotted something so their muse could get payback, which was chill with me id let them get their unhappiness out but at that point i was getting super stressed bc it was supposed to be really quiet plot and now i could hardly get on that blog without the three people going after my muse on posts that didnt even involve them and was supposed to kinda put the plot behind us, but they kept drawing more people in.

In the end i came to completely call off both plots becuase it was affecting my mental health BIG time like i was a complete wreck i was not doing well at all. Which lead the the one other person i plotted the revenge with to oocly get mad at me for choosing my own mental health over a plot and start vague blogging about me oocly.

So in the end for a long while i wasnt accepting new rp partners and refused to branch out becuase i was afraid of it happening like that again.Thankfully a friend kinda pulled me outta that so now i have some new great rp partners and enjoy finding more but im also still really careful who i plot big things with now.

#occ #answered #lightning-will-bovino

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

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‘It was a nice idea, but …’ Europeans on what went wrong with the EU

On its 60th birthday, people from Sweden to Bulgaria with doubts about the EU speak their mind about whether the project is worth pursuing

A triple-A rating is more important than solidarity. Were digging our own grave

Constanze Clever. Photograph: Sddeutsche Zeitung

A few months ago, I was chatting with my husbands work colleague in a beer garden. It was about eastern Europe and the question of why those countries take so few refugees. The colleague came from Poland. He was of the view that in Europe we should first and foremost look after ourselves.

In particular, he didnt want Muslims to be allowed in. According to him, they are a threat to the Christian identity of Europe.

So of course we clashed about this Im a fan of open borders, and I find it unbelievable when people oppose open borders while personally benefiting from them. To be able to move freely is a basic right, and the essence of Europe.

In the conversation, it became clear to me: we are both Europeans, but we come from different worlds. For us in Germany, things have gone well materially in the past 10 years. In Poland, things are different. That is why it is important that we reduce the imbalance.

But were not doing that. Why must Greece pay such high interest rates on the capital market? Rich Germany pays virtually nothing. We Europeans are under the thumb of financial markets. A triple-A rating is more important than solidarity. So were digging our own grave. Unless justice quickly assumes precedence over the economy again, we wont have the EU much longer. That would be a nightmare.

Constanze Clever, 33, hairdresser, Germany

I hate the ever encroaching political union its a vanity project

Gerard Richardson. Photograph: Gerard Richardson

I dont think Europe as a group of countries has ever really been able to unite. Cultures, opinions, approaches to everything, from business to foreign relations, are so diverse.

Trade, on the other hand now thats a really good harmoniser. People can agree on that far, far more easily. So I liked the idea after the war of uniting around trade. It didnt have to be complicated, and at first it wasnt. But then we started down the road to political union.

Thats what I hate: ever encroaching political union. Europe has become a vanity exercise for politicians with too much ambition. The euro was vanity, not based on economic reality. Im not an isolationist, far from it, but I really, honestly do not believe good government can ever come from too large and diverse a group of politicians.

Look at the hopelessly divided approach to problems like Greece, or the migrant crisis. Its a disaster. The EU cant even agree on where to host its own parliament.

There are good parts: free movement, thats obviously a benefit. But its all so badly managed. And I dont believe the EU has prevented war; Nato did that. If they turned the clock back to the EEC being just a free market alone, then I would be more than happy to stay engaged. They should take the politics out of Europe. It worked as a trading bloc, but not as this.

Gerard Richardson, 55, fine wine merchant and coffee roaster, UK

It sows a mentality that theres always money but billions have disappeared

Graca Ramos. Photograph: Sddeutsche Zeitung

First of all, the EU has been a great thing for both my countries, Portugal and Spain. The other European countries brought us back to life (after decades of dictatorship). Thats why the vast majority of Spaniards and Portuguese tend to be pro-European. Europe has pumped a lot of money into our countries.

On the one hand the EU has brought positive economic developments, on the other hand there have been negative consequences. It sows a mentality that there is always money. We have lost sight of what it is to save. People havent been watching closely enough where all these billions have gone. The economies of both countries have slumped because there hasnt been effective control over the way this money has been spent.

As a Portuguese woman Im worried about a two speed Europe . Does that mean the small countries will be put aside and suspended? We feel as a small country both protected and accepted within the EU and I hope that that doesnt change. The Eurosceptic voices in other countries worry me a lot. We must all ask ourselves what we have done wrong.

Graa Ramos, 40, theatre administrator, Spain

Nations have no rights. The EU took over everything

Jozsefne Varadi. Photograph: La Stampa

The nations have no rights. The EU completely took over and everything has to happen here as they wish.

But the EU has a lot of advantages too. We entered to EU so we have to accept a lot of things, I admit, but they should give more independence to nations.

Every time the government wants to decrease utility costs or taxes, or create more workplaces to let us breathe a little bit easier, they have a problem with it. Im with the nation with all my heart. I do everything. I help campaign. Im a member of the Fidesz party since its foundation. I consider this government good and fair. Our prime minister needs a lot of bravery to stand up like this for the nation.

Did you see what happened here during the prime ministers speech? Did you see the people whistling? They think this is not a democracy, but if I had done the same when Ferenc Gyurcsany was prime minister, if I had used my whistle, they would have shot me.

Jozsefne Varadi, 87, pensioner, Hungary

Erasmus, the euro, are just sweets with a bitter aftertaste

Luca Carabetta. Photograph: Luca Carabetta/La Stampa

They draw lines on a map, take decisions from on high, and then, if they dont work, they use every economic excuse possible to justify them as necessary to maintain the unity and progress.

I am an energy engineer, a young entrepreneur from the Erasmus generation. I was born when Italy joined Schengen, in 1990, and you could leave your passport in the drawer to travel with family, or later to see friends in France, Germany, Denmark. Yet my Euroscepticism began when I was young, in my town of ButtiglieraAlta, near Turin. I saw the No-Tav movement (against high speed rail) grow in my valley, the Susa valley, I started studying and concluded that the projects tied to the European corridors were conceived in an office in Brussels, far away from local communities and their needs.

I believe Europe is an extreme concession of sovereignty, which flattens diversity and national identities built throughout history. I do not agree with the economic homogeneity that binds the EU together. Does that seem strange from a young person with foreign friends? Absolutely not. Beppe Grillos Five Star Movement has shown me a clear path for what I always thought, and thats why I vote for it.

In these years, Brussels has not been able to create a common welfare system, no citizens feel like Europe is closer, notwithstanding the sharing of pseudo-values and the currency. Erasmus, the euro, are sweets with a bitter aftertaste. Unitary economics, so far, has penalised us. Unitary politics, for me, does not represent us, the citizens.

Luca Carabetta, 27, tech CEO, Italy

Europe was a nice idea, but globalist politics and the euro have killed us

Luc Defrance. Photograph: Cyril Bitton

Im a wheat farmer from northern France. Thats to say Im one of those people said to be very rich, living off subsidies, smoking a big cigar. In reality, I started work at 16, have worked like a dog for 50 years and am now ruined. I realised we were finished so I sold my operation last June.

Europe was a nice idea, but its the globalist politics that has killed us that and the euro. In the rest of the world, other countries can devalue their currency and become competitive. With the euro, we are trapped. Marine Le Pen is right we should get out of it.

Europe is just all restrictions and rules. You have to keep records on crop treatments and be careful about employment rules. You are bothered on all fronts. And the slightest mistake could cost you 10,000 in CAP aid, and thats a catastrophe.

In any case, theyre reducing the aid. In 2010, I got 100,000 in basic grants; last year it was 52,000, and soon there wont be any more. Doing a job that depend on grants is not healthy. Europe would do better to create a safety net and fix prices rather than grants.

Luc Defrance, 66, farmer, France

Many Dutch people feel powerless and angry. It is time to rediscover our identity

Joost Niemller. Photograph: Katrien Mulder

As well as books I write a blog called De Nieuwe Realist (the new realist). Europe is a land endowed with a rich civilisation. It works because it is based on the nation states, and yet its goal is to dismantle nation states, which would signify the end of European democracy. That is why many Dutch people, possibly even a majority, would like to leave the EU.

People want to take back control and decide their own future. Mass immigration is a serious problem. Many Dutch people feel powerless and angry. It is time for the Netherlands to rediscover its identity.

Joost Niemller, 60, writer, the Netherlands

The Eurosceptics in my family are happy that Russia is stepping up strongly

Rozalina Laskova. Photograph: Zdravko Yonchev/Sddeutsche Zeitung

I cant imagine Europe without the EU and am in favour of more integration. But I sometimes forget that other Bulgarians do not think like that. I have Eurosceptics in my own family, like my mother and aunt, who are bigger supporters of Russian culture, like a lot of Bulgarians. They see and read the same Bulgarian media which speak of the supposed all-encompassing manipulation of our country by Brussels and Washington. My aunt Maria asked me mockingly whether I also get money from the Americans. They are happy that Russia is stepping up so strongly.

Rozalina Laskova, 34, cultural adviser, Bulgaria

I would like to do a Swexit just like in the UK

Andreas berg Photograph: Andreas berg

The EU started as something different. In the beginning it was a good thing, a peacekeeping operation. But it has grown into something else: a massive, undemocratic monster, lots of people doing nothing to benefit the voters in their respective countries.

It seems to me more than half of the laws in Sweden are not decided by the Swedish government but by the EU. We vote for the government but if it doesnt have the majority of the power, how can that be democratic?

We choose representatives for the EU parliament, but I dont believe thats democratic either the ones who really affect what happens are not democratically elected. I havent read all the EU laws, only some of them, and some may benefit Sweden but many dont.

I work in the construction industry and we have seen a shift towards what they have in the UK, where people from the poorer countries come to work for you, and they do it for lower wages.

The main problem with the EU is that it incorporates loads of countries, and they are so vastly different in every way: welfare, economics, everything. To correct this the EU will have to make the richer countries poorer. So I would like to do a Swexit have a referendum like in the UK, and leave.

Andreas berg, 52, construction worker, Sweden

Stories collected by the Guardians Jon Henley and David Crouch in Gothenberg, and correspondents for the Europa group of newspapers: Thomas Urban in Madrid, Sebastian Jannasch in Brussels, Christian Gschwendtner in Munich, Lucie Soullier and Jean-Pierre Stroobants

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/20/it-was-a-nice-idea-but-europeans-on-what-went-wrong-with-the-eu/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/20/it-was-a-nice-idea-but-europeans-on-what-went-wrong-with-the-eu/

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

‘It was a nice idea, but …’ Europeans on what went wrong with the EU

On its 60th birthday, people from Sweden to Bulgaria with doubts about the EU speak their mind about whether the project is worth pursuing

A triple-A rating is more important than solidarity. Were digging our own grave

Constanze Clever. Photograph: Sddeutsche Zeitung

In particular, he didnt want Muslims to be allowed in. According to him, they are a threat to the Christian identity of Europe.

Constanze Clever, 33, hairdresser, Germany

I hate the ever encroaching political union its a vanity project

Gerard Richardson. Photograph: Gerard Richardson

I dont think Europe as a group of countries has ever really been able to unite. Cultures, opinions, approaches to everything, from business to foreign relations, are so diverse.

Look at the hopelessly divided approach to problems like Greece, or the migrant crisis. Its a disaster. The EU cant even agree on where to host its own parliament.

Gerard Richardson, 55, fine wine merchant and coffee roaster, UK

It sows a mentality that theres always money but billions have disappeared

Graca Ramos. Photograph: Sddeutsche Zeitung

Graa Ramos, 40, theatre administrator, Spain

Nations have no rights. The EU took over everything

Jozsefne Varadi. Photograph: La Stampa

The nations have no rights. The EU completely took over and everything has to happen here as they wish.

But the EU has a lot of advantages too. We entered to EU so we have to accept a lot of things, I admit, but they should give more independence to nations.

Jozsefne Varadi, 87, pensioner, Hungary

Erasmus, the euro, are just sweets with a bitter aftertaste

Luca Carabetta. Photograph: Luca Carabetta/La Stampa

They draw lines on a map, take decisions from on high, and then, if they dont work, they use every economic excuse possible to justify them as necessary to maintain the unity and progress.

Luca Carabetta, 27, tech CEO, Italy

Europe was a nice idea, but globalist politics and the euro have killed us

Luc Defrance. Photograph: Cyril Bitton

Luc Defrance, 66, farmer, France

Many Dutch people feel powerless and angry. It is time to rediscover our identity

Joost Niemller. Photograph: Katrien Mulder

Joost Niemller, 60, writer, the Netherlands

The Eurosceptics in my family are happy that Russia is stepping up strongly

Rozalina Laskova. Photograph: Zdravko Yonchev/Sddeutsche Zeitung

Rozalina Laskova, 34, cultural adviser, Bulgaria

I would like to do a Swexit just like in the UK

Andreas berg Photograph: Andreas berg

I work in the construction industry and we have seen a shift towards what they have in the UK, where people from the poorer countries come to work for you, and they do it for lower wages.

Andreas berg, 52, construction worker, Sweden

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/20/it-was-a-nice-idea-but-europeans-on-what-went-wrong-with-the-eu/

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