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linskywords · 5 years ago

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Hi! Do you know of any guides on how to write hockey? I know the best way is to just settle in and watch a few games and read a few fics, but I'm sort of on crunch time because of a holiday exchange and this'll be the first time I write about ANY sort of sports. XD;; Dunno if this is useful info, but it's an AU with non-RPF characters. (saw your recent meta post on RPF fiction, very well-thought out!)

What a fun question! Though I suppose less fun under a deadline (good luck!!). Unfortunately, I don’t know of any guides already in existence -- though if anyone reading this does, please pass them along. In the absence of that, here are some thoughts off the top of my head. (This is about hockey; I’m not sure what you mean by an AU with non-RPF characters, so if you’re not writing in a hockey setting, this will probably not be helpful to you. But if you’re not writing in a hockey setting, you’re in luck, because you don’t need to know any of this!)

Preliminary warning: I am not a hockey expert! I don’t watch a ton of games or read all the stats, and there are people out there who know way more than me. As recently as this year I’ve made some pretty major errors in stuff I should already have known about. So take my advice with a grain of salt, but also know that people are there to enjoy the story and won’t mind too much if you screw things up. 😄

The schedule:

The hockey season starts in early October. It goes until early April. Training camp is mid-September, and then there are a few weeks of preseason games before the season starts, where everyone doesn’t play every game; the teams are trying to get a look at prospects and see how players gel, and longtime vets may not play. Prospect camp or development camp is July-ish, but you don’t go to that if you’re a returning player.

Players don’t really get a break during the year except for the All-Star or Olympic breaks, if they happen. In the last year or two (I think?) each team has started getting one bye week of five days off per year. This year it looks like they’re all overlapping with the All-Star break, which sucks for the players chosen for that game. Other than that they might get a day off at a time but not usually much more than that -- maybe a few days at Christmas, depending on the game schedule.

There’s a game roughly every other day, but it’s not quite as regular as that. I usually write with the Wikipedia or hockey-reference.com page open for that team’s season. I tend to assume the team has practice or some kind of skate pretty much every day, which may or may not be accurate for any given team. There’s also media stuff and team events, so true days off are rare.

Players take naps in the afternoon before a game. It's an important sports performance thing.

Half the games will be at home and half will be on the road. I believe (someone correct me if I’m wrong) teams are required by their CBA (Collective Bargaining Agreement) with the NHLPA (Players Association) to return the players as quickly as possible, so at the end of a road trip they’ll usually fly home that night right after the game.

Sometimes road trips are pretty long, like if they’re going to play a bunch of teams far away. Some teams have an annual long road trip when some other group is using their home arena (e.g. the Blackhawks usually have a circus trip in November). They fly on private flights and will take a bus to and from the hotel and the rink.

Playoffs start a few days after the regular season wraps up. 16 teams qualify, based on their number of wins (2 points per win, 1 point per overtime loss, 0 points per loss in regulation). Non-qualifying teams are usually mathematically eliminated in late March or early April, depending on how badly they’ve done that year. There are four rounds of playoffs: two rounds within their conference, then conference finals, then Stanley Cup finals. Each round is the best of seven games and stops after one team has won four.

Teams play other teams in their division most often, then teams within the other division in their conference, then teams in the other conference. Divisions and conferences are organized geographically, so this makes sense for ease of travel.

In the off-season, players rest up, train, see the people they don’t get to during the year, and play a lot of golf (they’re jocks, but they’re prohibited from playing dangerous sports by the terms of their contracts, so golf is one of their few refuges). Sometimes they’ll try to bulk up because it’s hard to keep weight on during the season. They usually take at least something of a break from training right when the season ends, and they won’t start skating again until partway through the summer. A lot of them go to special training camps or work with professional trainers.

Worlds happens during the Stanley Cup playoffs, so players who aren’t in the playoffs, or who get knocked out early, will go represent their countries. Junior Worlds is around Christmastime. There’s sometimes a World Cup of Hockey, which is in theory every four years but has been irregular. It happened in 2016, but the 2020 tournament was cancelled. When it does happen, it’s in September, just prior to the start of the season.

The game:

If a player earns a point, that means they’ve gotten a goal or an assist. An assist is when they passed to someone who scored (a primary assist) or passed to someone who passed to someone who scored (a secondary assist). Goals are better than assists but both are good, and both are worth a point in terms of player stats.

A point per game average is very good. If a player’s at a point per game, he’ll be very happy. Your top players probably do a little better than that. Of course, this is an average; it’s very rare to score in every game, and players have point streaks and also stretches where they’re held scoreless. There’s a LOT of randomness in hockey.

Shots on goal is another good stat: how many times did a player have a scoring opportunity where the goalie denied him?

You get three forwards, two D-men (defensemen), and one goalie on the ice at a given time. The forwards are organized into four lines of three: one winger on each side and a forward. The D-men are organized into three D-pairings. Defensemen will usually play for more minutes per game than forwards because of this. Your top line (of forwards) will play close to or just over 20 minutes per game. Your bottom line might play more like 10. The top D-pairing might be more like 25 minutes or even higher.

Play starts with a faceoff, where one forward, usually the center, faces off against a forward from the opposing team. The ref drops the puck, and the two players in the faceoff both try to knock it back toward their own players. The one who succeeds wins the faceoff. Sometimes a player will move toward the puck before it's legal to do so, and the ref will throw them out of the playoff circle and one of the other forwards will have to take the faceoff.

There are a bunch of penalties you can get for stuff like illegal checks, high sticking, holding, tripping, hooking, delay of game (e.g. if the ref thinks you deliberately knocked the puck out of play). If you commit a penalty, you go into the penalty box and your team is on the penalty kill for two minutes, meaning they’re down a player. The other team is on the power play. If the team on the power play scores, the power play is over and the offending player is released from the penalty box early. If the team on the penalty kill scores, it’s called a shorthanded goal, and the power play continues. How often a team scores on the power play is a stat people talk about -- sometimes teams have stretches where their power play is terrible, and they never manage to convert (score).

The two-minute penalties mentioned above are called minor penalties. You can get a five-minute major for fighting, or you can get thrown out of the game or suspended for multiple games for really bad stuff.

There are three main parts of a hockey rink (there are probably technically more, but eh): each team's offensive zone, where the opposing goal is located, and the neutral zone between them. You can't take the puck into the offensive zone if there's another player from your team already there; if you do, it's offsides, and there's a stoppage of play and a faceoff in the neutral zone. That means you can't pass to someone deep in the offensive zone. Because of that, sometimes when players enter they dump the puck, meaning they shoot it deep into the offensive zone even though there’s no one there to receive it. They might do this if they need to buy a little bit of time for a shift change.

They might also try to buy time for a shift change by shooting the puck deep into the offensive zone from behind the center line, but it will not work, because this is called icing, and results in a stoppage of play. The team responsible is NOT allowed to have a shift change, and there's a faceoff in their own defensive zone. You can get some really long shifts from this. (The exception is when you're on the penalty kill, when you are allowed to ice the puck.)

Shifts are usually about a minute long. When players aren't playing, they're on the bench. When it's their turn to play, they go over the boards.

If a player gets the puck and has no members of the opposing team between him and the goal, it's called a breakaway.

If two players have the puck and are facing one opposie in the offensive zone, it's called a two-on-one.

There are three twenty-minute periods divided by two fifteen-minute intermissions. If at the end of the game, play is tied, they go directly to one five-minute overtime period, which for the past few years has been three-on-three (three players plus a goalie, usually two forwards and a D-man) and is very exciting. If no one scores in overtime they go to a shootout, where the players take turns shooting on the opposing goalies. Overtime rules are different in playoffs, where I believe they keep playing regular twenty-minute periods until someone scores.

If one team is down by a lot at the end of the third period, they'll often pull the goalie so they can have another forward on the ice without going over their six-player limit. If the other team scores while there's no goalie, it's called an empty-netter.

Players wear a ton of pads but still get a lot of bruising. Which can be fun for writers. 😆

The team and the players:

There are up to twenty-three players on a team at a time. Twenty can dress for a given game, which includes the goalie and the backup goalie.

There's usually a captain and two or three assistant captains (A's). They have general leadership responsibilities among the players. The captain wears a C on his jersey and the A's wear an A.

If a player gets injured, he might be put on IR and someone would get called up in his place from the minors (the AHL, or American Hockey League). There's been a particular focus on concussions in recent years, since a lot of players have had major problems with them. There's a concussion protocol players have to go through if one is suspected. Players still, unfortunately, lie about their symptoms to try to play through concussions sometimes.

There's a cap to how much salary a team can pay out to its players in a year. This can get very complicated so I'm not even going to try.

When players are first signed, they go on a three-year ELC (entry-level contract) which is capped at I want to say $895K per year, but I don't think that includes bonuses. Again, this is complicated stuff and I'm not even going to attempt the details. Players on ELCs aren't guaranteed their own hotel rooms, so you get road roommates. Good times for us fic writers! After their ELC runs out, they’ll negotiate a more lucrative contract with their team; there are also some limited ways in which they can choose to go to a different team. Later in their career they’ll become free agents and can choose which team to sign with.

Players get drafted at 18 or so, or older in rare circumstances. Draft picks are determined by a lottery that's weighted by how badly your team did this year. Again, you can look up the math on this -- it's a limited number of teams that have a shot at a first overall pick. The draft happens in a bunch of rounds where each team gets a pick, but sometimes teams trade their picks in advance as part of complicated trade deals. The first round of the draft is televised and the players go up onstage and shake their new GM's hand and get a jersey.

Players often come up through Major Juniors, which is the CHL (Canadian Hockey League, though a lot of the teams are in the U.S.). The CHL has different divisions: the OHL, the WHL, and the QMJHL. Players get paid and are considered professional, so they become ineligible for top-tier college hockey in the U.S. There are scholarships offered to CHL players at Canadian universities; I don't know the details of that. While they're playing Juniors they often live far away from their families with billet (host) families. Junior teams are limited in how many players they can have who are over 18.

Other places players might come from: American colleges; private prep schools or even public school systems; the U.S. NTDP (National Team Development Program); or many places overseas.

Most draftees don’t start playing for their NHL team right away, if they ever do. They might stay in Juniors for a year or two, or play for the A (the AHL) once they’re old enough, or go to college first.

NHL players in their rookie year often billet with an older player or sometimes even front office staff. Partly this is because they don’t want to invest in long-term housing until they get their housing letter, which is the team saying that they plan to keep them around. Partly it’s because they’re only technically not children anymore.

Players will each have an agent who negotiates contracts and does other stuff for them.

The teams each have a head coach and a bunch of other coaches, a lot of them specialized. I don't have a lot of detail about this. There's also a front-office staff, headed by a General Manager, who reports to the owner(s). The GM makes staffing decisions as well as draft and trade decisions.

Teams usually have an official arena where they play home games and their front office has their actual offices, and they’ll also have a practice facility which may be theirs or may be something local that they rent.

There are a bunch of awards players can get: the Art Ross for the most points in a season; the Hart for MVP; the Conn-Smythe for MVP of the playoffs; the Calder for best rookie. (There are a bunch more that you can look up.) These are given out at the NHL Awards in June. And of course what everyone wants to win is the Stanley Cup. If your team wins, you get a specially designed cup ring with your name and number on it (possibly everyone in the front office does, too??), and you get to spend a day with the Cup during that off-season. Players usually throw a big party for all their family and friends.

Other general stuff:

These boys are kind of dumb in general and specifically about emotions. It’s one of my favorite things about writing them, honestly. It also means you can go as bro-y as you want with the language.

The NHL is pretty deeply homophobic. Its official position is not homophobic, and there's an organization called You Can Play that's fighting to eradicate homophobia, but there are no out players, which speaks for itself. It's pretty much like all major male American sports in that way. The homophobia is something I really enjoy exploring in some of my stories and in other stories just elide entirely if I feel like imagining a better world. You definitely have flexibility there.

Watching is definitely helpful but also I didn’t watch a hockey game until at least two stories in, soooo you can get away with a lot by just reading fic. :)

Reading fic is especially helpful because honestly the stuff I've laid out here doesn't even touch on the details of a particular player's life or a team's traditions and history and dynamics. You can Google some of that, but the prior research done by other fans is going to be so helpful. (Maybe you don’t need to worry about this if you’re not writing RPF characters?)

On the plus side, if you don't know much about how something works, you don't have to go into a lot of detail about it. I've had some stories where I've gone into a bunch of game details and others where you wouldn't even know they played hockey if it weren't for their spending a lot of time changing next to other men. Feel free to stick to the parts you know.

Another thing you'll get from fic, which I'm not even going to go into here, is the plethora of tropes that are popular in hockey fandom. Or fandom in general, of course -- you can always import new tropes, or make them up from whole cloth. AO3 is your oyster.

So that's some info to start with. I'm sure I've forgotten a million useful things that I'll think of as soon as I hit post, and also I'd be shocked if I haven't gotten at least some of this wrong. Please send me corrections and additions, everyone! If I get enough of them, I'll post a new version later in the week.

Also, good luck with your story! I'm sure it will be awesome. 🥰 Like I said, you can fudge SO MUCH OF THIS. Most of us are here for the dumb hockey boys kissing, and we won’t care if they do it after a slightly implausible hockey game.

#hockey #hockey rpf #hockey primer #falsechaos

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alexseanchai · 5 years ago

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Saw your posts about unofficial and official work rules, and also people never explaining what the rules were, so, well, here is my take on some of the internet usage rules as I've seen them? I don't have a tumblr, so dropping this in your anon is the only way I know to get it to you. I'm not sure if this might be useful, or if it's a completely useless (hopefully not offensive or rude?) mishmash of gibberish, but frankly, 1/15

Not rude! (Though for future reference, I have a Dreamwidth under the same handle, linked in my Tumblr bio, and you can fit a lot more text in a logged-out Dreamwidth comment than an anon Tumblr ask.)

So some of what you’re describing in this series of asks (and I’m gonna paste all those in below) involves context not applicable to the job I mentioned. Case in point, no customer was ever going to see me using the internet on the clock, because with rare exceptions no customer was ever going to see me, and zero of those exceptions would involve the customer laying eyes on either my work computer or my personal phone.

Also I kind of figured that if I worked fast enough and made few enough mistakes, nobody would want to get me in trouble. FREE ADVICE, KIDS: do not attempt to do two typical-coworkers’ worth of work when you know damn well it will not earn you two employees’ worth of paycheck. Also, the day you walk out of that office for the last time is the day your boss stops caring altogether about any health conditions your work caused or worsened. (This job was largely data entry. I did in fact consistently do one and a half to two times as much work as most of my coworkers. I was there for seven years. My hands are kinda fucked now.)

And part of the reason I posted was, this is a specific and pretty non-identifying example of an ableist pattern I wanted to illustrate and then yell about. So while I am really pleased you laid all this out, I am also pretty surprised!

Anyway, this sounds like useful stuff to keep in mind. Thank you 😸

The rest of the ask series follows the read-more:

my ADHD brain would have caused me to go nuts if I hadn’t figured out the rules at my workplaces, because I can’t handle lack of stimulation. That said, I’m ADHD, so take my understanding with a grain of salt, but I’m trying here. In regards to the “official” rules vs the “real” rules of personal internet usage at work, I’ve found there are three broad umbrella rules. 2/15

1. It actually matches, and there is no personal internet usage at work. This is the least common, but is the one you should assume is being used until you catch someone following one of the other versions. This is the one people will claim is in effect though, especially when you are new to the job and trying to figure out the real rules, which can be very frustrating. 3/15

2. Don’t get caught using the internet for personal reasons at work. This is more common.If you catch coworkers using the internet, pretend not to notice. See how many coworkers use the internet for personal things. If it widespread, it may be this rule. If it is just one or two coworkers, or just the boss’s favorites or the people who have been there longest, or the highest ranking ones, it may be that you have to “earn” moving from umbrella rule type 1 to type 2 somehow, 4/15

which can be very, very confusing. Subtly watch coworkers to see which variant of the don’t get caught rule this workplace follows. Common variants are Don’t get caught by anyone, Don’t get caught by the boss, Don’t make the boss OFFICIALLY catch you, Don’t let the customers catch you, and Don’t let boss OR customers catch you. 5/15

(sorry, asks made me wait for flooding, rest is coming!) 3. Give the boss plausible deniability/don’t make them catch you, UNLESS they initiate the personal internet usage. If THEY instigate it, or catch someone and choose to engage in the activity with you, it is sort of mentally classified as sanctioned team building or morale boosting, just as long as you don’t mention it to outsiders or people above boss. In a relaxed enough workplace, this last option may well look like 6/15

“as long as you get your actual work done, and no outsiders are present, go ahead and use the internet for personal stuff, just make sure to parrot the official rule if asked.” In all cases, it is expected that when asked, you parrot the Official Rule, as being caught sharing the real rule can get the boss in trouble and lead to them having to enforce the official rule. 7/15

Very few workplaces actually have the official rule as the real rule, but it is expected you will pretend it is the real rule. If you have to clue someone in to the real rule vs official rule, you must never leave any evidence such as writing, texts, or emails, the real rule can only be shared verbally and away from anyone who might overhear, and should only be shared if you trust the person you are telling not to tell the boss. 8/15

As an example, my previous boss had Official Rule no personal internet usage, but the real rule was “Have a plausible sounding excuse for any personal internet usage so the boss doesn’t officially have to notice your personal internet usage and has a reason to assume any glimpses of personal use are actually somehow related to work. Do not allow any customers to catch you using personal internet. Do not leave record of personal internet usage, as boss could be forced to notice this. 9/15

During last hour of work, IF all other tasks for the day are completed and no new tasks are short enough to be started, you may check personal emails and look up dinner recipes semi-openly, so long as customers are not ever left waiting and periodical ‘we are closing soon’ tasks are carried out on time. Additionally, if you have just completed a mentally demanding major task and no customers need help, it is permissible to spend 5-15 minutes on personal internet usage, 10/15

so long as customers don’t notice. This personal internet usage is meant to clear the mind of the stress of the last task, and should be followed by starting another mentally taxing task, especially if you are caught by boss. The correct response if caught during this personal internet break is 'I just finished X task, just watching the desk for a bit and resetting my brain before I start on Y task, unless you wanted me to do something else next.’” 11/15

Fairly complex rule, honestly. Among ourselves, we shortened it to “Keep personal usage to the private browser, close it if you leave the desk, don’t do it in front of the boss unless you have a plausible excuse, never EVER let a customer catch you, one of them is a snitch and tells boss’s boss on us, and he feels bad whenever he is forced to tell us off for getting caught even though he personally doesn’t care.” He was an option 3 variety, 12/15

as he sometimes would share not-work internet stuff during slow times, or ask about co-worker’s dinner recipe searches at the end of the day, or very rarely mention if we needed to check our personal email for some reason, to use the private browser. If he hadn’t occasionally given the go ahead for personal usage in his presence, it would have been an option 2 of the “don’t make the boss official notice or let the customers catch you” rule situation. 13/15

Wow, rereading that is kind of daunting, to be honest. I hadn’t really realized how nuanced some of that was, and I know I’m probably leaving some stuff out. Boss recently changed, so I’ve been having to slowly test the waters with new boss, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have been able to articulate even this much. 14/15

I thought the comments about people not being willing to share the real rules sounded frustrated, and like trying to explain might not be taboo, so I tried to explain what I could, but if this isn’t welcome, I’m sorry for offending. Good luck trying to navigate this nonsense of unspoken rules. 15/15

#actually autistic #actually adhd #chronic pain #cn capitalists #Anonymous

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inevitably-johnlocked · 6 years ago

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I feel like a failure. A huge failure. A waste of space. All I see is people doing better than me, being recognised and loved, and here I am, a weird nobody noone wants... I'm not unique in that experience, I am not the centre of the universe, I know... I just feel so isolated and invisible and worthless it hurts... And I have tried. I am trying. It just never seems to matter to anyone at all... eg. if I left the fandom, if I deleted my fics, noone would miss them, or me... or even notice...

Hi Nonny *hugs*

Before I begin, I need to tell you that I love you, and you are not a failure, nor a waste of space, and you will be missed. I know this because that’s how I feel about you, even if I don’t know you, or if we haven’t talked before. There’s only one of you in this world, and I’d say that makes you pretty darned unique! I can’t find another one of you anywhere!

Secondly, my standard disclaimer: I’m not a professional, so take my following words with a grain of salt. I am simply a shoulder to cry on who offers personal stories to help soothe souls, so I hope my words bring you a bit of comfort.

So, I can relate SO MUCH with this ask. I feel like I try and try and I can’t get ahead, and I feel like I’m unliked and unloved in my real life since I can’t seem to make friends or meet an s/o, and in turn it leaves me with a sense of frustration, self-loathing, and loneliness. It’s a very heavy feeling, one that grows worse if you have S.A.D. / reverse S.A.D. or self esteem issues and it makes you think that you’re not good enough for literally anything. I’m here to tell you that sometimes our inner demons are louder than we can sometimes bear (depression cw under link), and at that point, you may need to consider professional advice (suicidal ideation / depression cw/tw under link). Have a talk with your family physician if you think you may need therapy, or if a life itself is feeling like a burden to you.

Another thought I had while reading your ask is that you might be experiencing Imposter Syndrome (which is something I did a panel on at 221b Con last year), and it’s very common amongst creative-types. Essentially, it’s the feeling that you describe almost exactly in your ask:

Impostor syndrome […] is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with impostorism incorrectly attribute their success to luck, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be. [x]

It’s also used to describe when you do stuff and you think that you’re never going to achieve your perceived goal, which constantly changes based on what you’re doing (essentially, you keep moving your personal goalpost so much that you never reach a satisfying end). In our panel we talked about how we can overcome such creative pitfalls as this, and if I recall correctly we discussed amongst ourselves that we need to learn to NOT have these perceived goals, and to accept the praise and support our family and friends offer to us. A year and many advice asks later, I’m also going to add to it that you need to not necessarily get rid of your goals, but learn to celebrate the small achievements. Doing this helps rid the negative thought cycle that we creatives tend to get ourselves into. It’s not a quick solution, but if you have the patience to let yourself try this instead, eventually you can come to a point where you’re happy to do your creative work for yourself, and to see small things (ie. you posted a new story!! THAT’S AMAZING!!!) as a success!

As for your creative work, let me tell you these two things that took far too long for me to accept and understand: 1) work is more enjoyable if you do it for yourself and not expect to get anything out of it, and 2) even with that in mind, every single thing any of us posts, either here or on Ao3, you will have at least ONE kudos or like or positive comment or hit count. In turn, that one person will miss you if you stop writing or drawing.

Many people are too shy to interact with authors, bloggers, and artists, and instead lurk and admire from afar. As a creative myself (and as one of my followers who recently contacted me after a long while of lurking can attest to), when that ONE person finally is brave enough to express their gratitude for your work, it’s humbling and overwhelming to know someone would miss me if I left the platform. And really, Lovely, it SUCKS that we creatives don’t often get the comments that our souls feed on, but KNOW with certainty that at least ONE person out there loves your stuff and your work. Honestly, like, it’s sort of how I came to terms with the fact that I’ll probably never “make it” with my art here and in real life. When I shook off the stress of doing it for others and just enjoying the craft because I like doing it, even when I only get a few likes on something now, it makes me feel good knowing at least ONE person likes my stuff. It took a long time to get to that point, but really, it makes the imposter syndrome a bit easier for me to cope with.

THAT ALL SAID, Nonny, I know I probably didn’t really help you out much here, given this entire ask is mostly all just personal anecdotes, but I’m very VERY serious Nonny when I say that I LOVE YOU, and I APPRECIATE YOU and what you have contributed to the fandom. Smaller, lesser known creatives don’t hear that enough, and I’m here to tell you that 1 bajillion times:

for every time you feel like you aren’t “worth anything”: bollocks! I think you’re worth the moon and stars!

for every time you have a negative thought in your head, know that I am here for you to offer you my hugs and love and help you banish them!

for every time you’re lonely, I am here for you to talk to!

and, for every time when you want some help promoting your work, when you’re ready, please do NOT hesitate to submit it to me, and I will promote it as much as you need me to, because I support our smaller, lesser-known creators!

I’m sorry that I can’t really do more for you, Lovely. My heart has hurt for you the entire time I wrote this, so I really hope that you’ll at least reach out to either me, or if I intimidate you for some reason (I found out a couple days ago I intimidate people LOL! there’s hundreds of other smaller blogs who would love to help you feel better. Please take care of yourself Nonny, and please, I need to stress again, that if what you’re feeling is an ongoing constant thing, if you feel like the world is better off without you (it’s not!!), to please seek a professional, who can at least help you talk through your feelings.

I love you Nonny

If anyone has some stuff to add to this, or if I erred in some way, please feel free to comment!

#steph replies #my advice #imposter syndrome #fandom love #self esteem #insecurity #i love you nonny #Anonymous

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dailythranduilproject · 7 years ago

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DTP Interview #6 Elbenherzart

Hello to all our friends and followers of Daily Thranduil Project!

Today it’s @elbenherzart‘s turn for our fandom interviews. She is a really talented professional illustrator, who has produced many beautiful artworks inspired by the world of Tolkien. She works with traditional media as well as with digital ones and has a lot of other creative talents, like sewing awesome cosplays. I hope you are curious to find out more about her, so without any further delay, I present you here with her answers to the questions we had asked her:

General Questions:  

Username(s) we can find you under:   

Either ElbenherzArt or my real name, Christina Kraus. :)   

What Media do you create?

  For digital paintings I use Photoshop and for my traditional stuff mostly inks or ballpoint pens. I almost never use pencils, because I find myself erasing all the time.   Are you self-taught or did you go to art school?   

I am mostly self-taught. Tho I have a bachelor degree in Intermedia Design. This gave me a few design and composition fundamentals I can apply to my images, but didn't teach me to draw or to paint. Also I have a lot of other professionals as friends who help me with critiques and reflection of my art. I always wanted to go to Art School but the programs in Germany are pretty shitty for it. All you learn is like drawing with a pencil bound to a stick, drawing with your not-drawing hand or drawing with a blind fold. It's complete garbage and I envy people who can afford programs such as the Swedish Academy of realistic Art where you actually learn useful drawing and painting fundamentals instead of fooling around.

   Which artists have influenced your style?  

That is a tough question. I admire a lot of artists but I guess my digital work is mostly influenced by Magic-the Gathering or Dungeons & Dragons artists, since this is the direction my work is heading too.   

Which are your favourite artists?   

I'd say Peter Mohrbacher, Jana Schirmer, Cynthia Sheppard, Jason Rainville...but hell, there are a lot. I can't pick a favourite.  

Where can we find your work?

  On my website, Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Deviantart, Artstation and on Behance.   

What would you say you are best known for in the fandom?

  I'm not even sure I'm known for anything in this fandom. XD But the work I did based on the Silmarillion so far sells the best on Conventions and I get the most comments on it.    

Do you have a favourite pairing?   

Yes of course, but it's kind of controversial I'd say. ;)  

Do you have a favourite creation of yours you are especially proud of?

  I'm kind of proud of my latest piece, Celebrimbor's Smithy. It was a tough one, since interior scenes are very hard in general for me. The work on this piece took a whole month with a few breaks of course.   

Do you have a favourite fictional character, besides Thranduil of course?  

That would be Kylo Ren/Ben Solo from the Star Wars Universe.   

What other fandoms are you part of?  

The Star Wars Fandom, tho I'm barely active there. I have a Tumblr blog dedicated to it, but I mostly just reblog stuff and did only one Star Wars related painting so far. The fandom is kind of toxic with its stupid ship wars and anti culture going on.  

Do you do commissions?   Yes. :)

Any advice/words for others in the fandom?   

That is such a general answer, but stay true to yourself, do what you love and don't give others shit over characters/pairings you don't like. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Be kind and respectful, you don't know what people are going through. If you are an artist, or want to be one; only self reflection, critiques and hard work will get you moving forward. You need to be able to see your own flaws. For that you need to seek out people who can give you an honest opinion about your art. (Not your friends or family.) Vanity is the downfall of every professional artist. You can be proud of your work, but never vain.  (You can always ask me for porfolio reviews or advice if you want by way. :))  

Personal Questions:  

Favourite Book?   The Silmarillion.   

Favourite movie?   Currently Star Wars-The last Jedi.   

Do you have a pet peeve?   

Littering. When I see people throwing their trash onto the walkways or streets I get furious. Take it to the next trash bin or home! It's not difficult.  

What country are you from?   Germany!   

Who do you think you might have been in a past life?   

Probably a cat. Sleeping and eating is all I want to do. :)  

What do you like to do in your spare time other than create the media you work on?

  When I'm not drawing or painting I'm either binge watching series on Netflix (currently Outlander <3) or I'm with my friends/boyfriend. Sometimes I write Fanfiction, but mostly I'm reading it. I also try to travel as often as possible and sew my own costumes when time allows it.  

When did you join the fandom?

  I think back in 2007. Not really sure actually. Definitely more than 10 years ago.

Follower Questions:

@floranocturna asked:

You are a very versatile artist and I have been admiring your very cool cosplays already for a while, especially your Celebrian and Celeborn are amazing! Do you sew all the cosplays yourself?  

Thank you and yes, I sew them usually by myself :).

What inspires you to cosplay a specific character?   

Honestly it's mostly the robes. If I like the aesthetic of a character, I want to cosplay him/her. XD Of course I also have an eye on the character and need to like him/her.  

You are very ardent about being vegan. Will you tell us a little bit about your reasons and why is it important to you and should we maybe all think about how can we help to preserve nature instead of destroying it?   

This is a loaded question and I'm unable to answer it with just a few words. Feel free to ignore this text if you are not interested.  As I learned that raising livestock for meat, eggs and milk generates 14,5% of global greenhouse gas emissions, the second highest source of emissions and greater than all transportation combined and that it's the leading cause of deforestation, biodiversity loss and water pollution, I knew that I had to act and change my diet, because I simply couldn't live with that knowledge and not doing something about it. And of course the killing of millions of sentinent animals every single day. The meat industry is the most powerful industry in the world and they try literally everything to make us continue to buy meat, to make it cheaper and to leave people in the dark about the consequences for our planet and our health. Here the Pharmaindustry comes in. The meat industry is their biggest customer (80% of their money is made from antibiotics they sell to farmers and animal factories) and sponsor, feeding billions of pills to animals each to day to alter their flesh. It's all about money, control and very fucked up. Like always.  If the grain that is used to feed our first world country livestock would be given to people in Africa or other third world countries where children starve to death, no one on this planet would need to suffer from hunger anymore. It's all pretty messed up and a paradox.  The only way of preserving nature in the long run is going vegan actually. I know that a lot of people don't like this thought, but that's mostly because they are misinformed (I was too, everyone is in the beginning) and fear either deficiencies or they think they can only eat vegetables and fruits. But that's not true. There are so many vegan dishes and sweets out there people are not even aware of. Oreos for example are completely vegan. A lot of junk food is. Cake, Ice cream and chocolat can be vegan too. It's all just a matter of replacing the eggs and there are plenty of alternatives. When people think about going vegan, they think about all the things they can't have anymore. Instead, think of the things you gain from it. You support the environment, save lifes and it's beneficial for your health. You are less likely to get cancer or diabetes. You don't have to give up your beloved sweets or junk food. I mostly eat the same things I ate before, just with egg replacement and almond or oat milk instead of cows milk. The only thing you have to keep in mind is B12. I take a pill everyday for it and you should too if your are vegan. If you do that you are completely safe and won't suffer any deficiencies if you live on a wholesome diet.  This wall of text may imply that I try to preach or what ever, but I simply state facts. It's up to everyone if they choose to act or not. I don't judge people for not going vegan. It takes a bit of effort, research and people will judge you for it. If you want to have more information I recommend the Netflix documentaries „What the health.“ and „Cowspiracy“. They are all based on researchable facts and explain a few statements I've given here. Also you might want to take a look at „Why we love dogs, eat pigs and wear cows“.   

@beelovesbutterfly asked: First of all, thank you for sharing your lovely artwork. What is your favourite art medium?

@themirkyking asked: Which method of creating do you prefer? Digital or traditional, and why?

For my personal taste and fun I prefer traditional mediums. It's much more relaxing than digital art where I have to stare at a screen all day. Also I love the smell of paint and texture of paper. But for client work I definitely prefer digital since it's easier to change mistakes and I'm able to finish something faster. What makes the pay a lot better.

Thank you so much Christina for taking the time to participate in our series of fandom interviews for @dailythranduilproject. It was a pleasure having you!

Please check out Christina’s blog and her page at DeviantArt for all her awesome artwork! And if you happen to be in Cologne on May 12/13th 2018 you can go and visit her booth at the RPC Germany!

@floranocturna ^^

#daily thranduil project #interviews #fandom interviews #thranduil #elbenherzart

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impracticaldemon · 7 years ago

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Interesting take and analysis! Does that mean you’re an active shipper now or you just found a new respect for the ship (Okichi)? I’d also like to get your rankings on the ships (I see this thrown out a lot before so thought I’d ask)!

Thank you, Anon! I appreciate the encouragement.

I’m still not an active OkiChi shipper, but I’m far less ambivalent about it – it feels more real and more plausible to me now. I’m finally satisfied that I understand how Souji and Chizuru ended up where they did, both physically and emotionally. I know that a lot of the story was there before, but it’s as if some of the gaps have been filled in now.

I think I’ve always been put off by Souji’s style of put downs, many of which I perceive as too harsh to be called “teasing” when aimed at Chizuru (who was frightened and had no hope of fighting back). I’m just not attracted by that type of character. KW reduced some of the harshness, and put a little more emphasis on Souji’s interactions with Chizuru; EB put the late-game personal, romantic and sexual aspects of the ship solidly on the map for me. I admire the intensity.

I feel that OkiChi was unfairly blessed with romantic CGs in EB, but I am pleased on behalf of the many OkiChi shippers I know! (Just envious…)

Ships & Ranking

An acquaintance on Steam (the PC gaming site) commented that she understood where I was coming from with my character/route preferences, but asked “don’t you find them kind of boring?” I thought it was a legitimate question, in the sense that it highlighted how personal preference and experience can shape your views.

My favourite characters, from a strictly “who is attractive to me” and “which ships strike a chord with me” pov, are Saito, then Harada / Hijikata / Yamazaki (order not clear), then Souma (I’m still thinking about where Souma fits into this). I find these characters soothing to my jangled hyper-awareness, and I perceive them as a good fit for Chizuru as I perceive Chizuru. Whether or not that means I’m looking for “boring” is a matter of perspective – but I understand the question!

I’m capable of significant objectivity, but I don’t believe an unbiased ranking is possible for anyone. Personal attraction or dislike, romantic or otherwise, will always influence your decisions, and we’re all attracted to different things (some more common than others). So I’m going to rank my favourite ships, and say why, and hope that everyone will take it all with a grain of salt. This is about my perceptions, and doesn’t invalidate anyone else’s.

SaiChi: My OTP (in the literal sense of the expression). Saito is calmly protective of Chizuru from the beginning. He would have killed her under orders, but I’m strongly of the opinion that he didn’t expect Hijikata to give that order. Saito generally seems to disapprove of making Chizuru any more uncomfortable, embarrassed, or frightened than she already is. He also tends to treat her as a person, not as “a girl” or “an annoyance”. He answers her questions, and doesn’t mock or undermine her efforts, although he is blunt when she makes mistakes. Saito’s direct intervention with Sannan (about Chizuru not being a burden) is one of my favourite scenes. Saito may be reserved to the point of being cold (debatable, especially in KW), but his actions are almost uniformly kind, right from the start.

There are indications of him caring about Chizuru’s well-being from very early on. The scenes where he drinks Chizuru’s blood are the only ones in Hakuouki that are both sexy and rather cuddly (and frankly, this says a lot about how he feels). He also fusses less over the whole thing, despite being apologetic, which I think Chizuru would prefer.

Saito and Chizuru actually talk more than it might seem (especially given that Saito doesn’t talk much in general), and Saito seriously considers and values Chizuru’s input. I love that EB brought in some of my all-time favourite scenes from Stories of the Shinsengumi. I don’t care if it’s a rather shy, awkward relationship at times, it’s the ultimate slow-burn fic of Hakuouki, for me.

… Okay, better stop before I write (more of) an essay on this topic. Or a 90-chapter story.

HaraChi / HijiChi / YamaChi / SouChi – Ships I ship

HaraChi: His very earliest treatment of Chizuru is oddly uneven (a little less so in KW), but my headcanon is that he knows he’s prone to caring too much, and is trying too hard to guard against it. His route always felt realistic to me, given the time period and Chizuru’s background. Sano is flawed, but I find him very human, and I think Chizuru finds him both kind and comforting. Plus, somebody needed to say this:

I’m immensely grateful that EB significantly changed the first part of the HaraChi interactions in Edo. It works SO much better now. Sano’s a sweetheart, and he makes Chizuru his priority more than most of the others. This is the route and character that I never expected to love as much as I did (originally); now I love it more. (And he has such awesome banter with Shiranui, and snark for Kazama. ♥)

HijiChi: Hijikata should never have left Chizuru behind when he went to Ezo. Now that that’s off my chest… I like the ship because it feels realistic given Chizuru’s overall personality. Chizuru’s crush on Hijikata (from the beginning) makes sense to me, and I can see how his charisma, devotion to the Shinsengumi, and obvious disregard for his own needs eventually converts a crush into love. He’s a difficult man not to admire, if you value the fiercely responsible type (which I do). I don’t know if EB added as much to this route as to some others, but I definitely enjoyed seeing Hijikata with Souma and Nomura, and I liked the extra historical details. The main flaw to this ship is Hijikata’s refusal to concede the validity of Chizuru’s feelings and wishes until he is driven to it. I do appreciate the fact that he didn’t “fall for” Chizuru right away (there’s a big difference between 16 and 28!); on the other hand, he clearly came to care about her from early on.

YamaChi: I think I enjoyed the KW portion of this story better than the EB portion; something about Yamazaki’s EB route was not quite as satisfying for me – but I’ll be playing the route again for a second impression. I like the fact that EB established Yamazaki as a superb warrior as well as a caring medic. The affection in this ship was endearing, and they seemed like a natural fit. I thought the ending was solid, and the whole demonstrated a deep, ongoing commitment to each other. It doesn’t hurt that Yamazaki is one of my favourite Hakuouki characters.

SouChi: Chizuru getting to be a senpai was great. If you want the wildest roller-coaster of feels and angst from start to finish, this is the route. I think I like this ship because of the honest respect for Chizuru and what she does, and Souma’s commitment to the Shinsengumi. I’ll save my comments about the route itself for another time (there were aspects of the EB route that I was so-so on). SouChi, like YamaChi feels like a solid, believable relationship with clear affection and respect on both sides, and the attraction resonates for me. Also, I adore the Souma / Nomura friendship. KW & EB did a terrific job with Nomura as a character. [And I can’t get over the way they brought so many of the others into this route – aaaaahhhhhh!!!! so cool!]

Random screencap of some cuties. (Yes, okay, I put Saito in there – he did give Souma excellent advice, however. Also, as stern as he was, he took the guys seriously, unlike pretty much everyone else they ran into.)

ShinChi / HeiChi / OkiChi / IbaChi Good points, but I don’t really ship them

ShinChi: I liked the route concept for EB – Shinpachi having to deal with having been made into a fury, but not wanting to make Chizuru feel awful either. I felt like poor Shin could have used a friend like Sano around even just to yell at, or drink with, or something. I really liked the idea of trying to fight his final battles without resorting to fury form, and I liked the watchful presence of the Oni. And Shin finally got properly recognized for being a top-notch swordsman! Problem is, I’m kind of neutral on the ship. I never quite got past the brother/sister feel to it. On the other hand, the epilogue was sweet and I’m glad they got there, so a replay is definitely in order (on Steam, since I’ve played it on my Vita). I might change my mind on this one.

HeiChi: I’m “positive-neutral” on HeiChi and always have been. I don’t find the ship compelling, despite the reasonable argument that it can be seen as healthy and more “equal”. To be honest, I got a strong sense from the beginning of Hakuouki that Chizuru liked Heisuke, and appreciated his cheerfulness, but was *attracted* to Hijikata and the others. The ship’s probably fine, objectively, although Heisuke does leave Chizuru behind to follow his aspirations with Itou, which always troubled me. Heisuke’s a sweetie, but I don’t “feel” the romantic ship. I sympathize with Heisuke, always trying and trying to come into his own, and make the decisions that are right for him, but there’s a sense of immaturity-despite-best-efforts that doesn’t work for me. I leave HeiChi in the competent hands of those who love it! (And hope that my HeiChi stories make up a little bit for my personal ambivalence.)

OkiChi: … I’ve said enough about OkiChi. I leave it to those who love it best and write really cool fanfiction about it. It’s a big change for me to move OkiChi up this far on my list (partly Shinkai, partly having friends who’ve been working on me with OkiChi!).

IbaChi: Not a bad ship, or route, but left me neutral. Having gone down the path with the Demon Arm, and the way it and Iba and then Chizuru were intertwined, I felt like there could have been a bit more to it. I would have preferred Takeda to be a more well-rounded villain. I didn’t feel a strong Iba-Chizuru connection in KW; I felt like Iba was pushing Chizuru to feel and remember things. I kept wanting Iba to be a little more honest and a lot more direct. There were upsides and downsides to both this ship and this route, and I’m in the middle. The ending was good, and I liked that final CG (Iba looked really good). This is another ship I’m going to leave to those who really love Iba as a character – I know you’ll do great with it! :)

KazaChi / SanChi /SakaChi*I don’t ship them, but I can see the possibilities, to a point* except SakaChi which I just don’t ship

KazaChi: Maybe. I still can’t wrap my head around the arrogance. Smug doesn’t work for me, especially when it’s all one-way – it’s part of why I still struggle with OkiChi. I’ve come to the conclusion that I do better with modern AUs for both OkiChi and KazaChi. KW and EB provided some good KazaChi moments, and I really, truly feel for Kazama toward the end of EB (which is much more like Movie 2 than the original game or the anime). @hidetheremote et al, this one’s yours, and I will continue to do my best to contribute from time to time! I actually do have a soft spot for KazaChi in its end-state – Kazama does start to respect and care about Chizuru for herself, eventually (when is a matter of opinion). I don’t think loving another person will ever come easy for him, but I have the feeling he’ll try, and he’s a very competent man (Oni).

SanChi: This is another one where I think I preferred KW to EB, but it requires another play-through. The route itself was rather fascinating, although I think it over-complicated itself toward the end. Sannan and Kaoru (and Kodo) in a dismal castle full of furies – this is some serious Gothick. The atmosphere was very well done. Sannan as a ship with Chizuru – hard to get my head around. And yet. I couldn’t help but feel that tug on my heartstrings that said “Sannan is truly a tragic figure and deserves some happiness.” Plus, he’s a damn good tactician and devoted to his cause. Don’t ship SanChi, but still want Sannan to be loved and appreciated. Hmmm.

SakaChi: I can’t bring myself to like this ship or find it believable (though definitely more so in EB than in KW). Everyone has their types, and Sakamoto is the exact opposite of mine. He set my teeth on edge from (literally) the first time I saw him on-screen. I know my opinion of this ship is biased, but there are just so many reasons I don’t ship SakaChi. If you love Sakamoto / SakaChi, then I’m kind of glad, because I like every character to have their fans. However, there’s probably no point reading my comments below unless you’re honestly curious about my perspective. I’m trying to outline my issues with the ship, not convince others that they’re wrong. (I mean this – don’t let me upset you. If you like something, despite seeing some of the flaws, and you respect other people’s preferences without hate, then stick with what you like!)

CG: one of the scenes that I did like a lot

First, I found the entire development of SakaChi in KW totally unbelievable, and Sakamoto was disrespectful of Chizuru’s personal space to an extent that I’d call harassment. He made Harada look tame, as far as flirting goes, and I’m firmly of the belief that Harada treated her personal preferences with more respect. As a specific example (albeit from EB), Sakamoto asked to “borrow” Chizuru’s lap. When she was taken aback, he settled in anyway, then said “oh come on, it’s not like I’m violating you.” Just… no. This excuse is used way too much in the real world for me not to flinch here. I’ve seen too many women have to deal with this, and I don’t like it.

Second, Chizuru’s loyalty to the Shinsengumi is part of what makes up her character, for me. So I struggled to understand why she got so involved with Sakamoto in the first place, given his total and complete disdain for the Shinsengumi (not unjustified disdain, but not likely to appeal to Chizuru coming from a guy who’s pretty much a stranger). Chizuru also seemed too quick to let go of the fact that Sakamoto was a gun smuggler and general arms’ dealer whose weapons killed an awful lot of her friends (although at least she wasn’t altogether happy about it).

** Must admit that I did better with Sakamoto as a character / person once I went and learned a lot more about him and the situation in Tosa. I already had some background knowledge, but I definitely improved on it. Sakamoto’s balancing act between powerful Satsuma and powerful Choshu, while working around Tosa’s locally powerful / abusive daimyo, was fascinating.

Third, although I found Sakamoto much improved in EB, lines like this were a complete “ugh�� for me:

Look, buddy, she just told you that she wasn’t ready to sleep with you. Complaining to her that it would suck if she made you wait until the wedding is not my idea of a good relationship.

What did Sakamoto / Sakamoto’s route do well? The route presented a good story, told from the opposite side, that didn’t just repeat the basics of the rest of the routes. Sakamoto is an interesting guy. If you’re into the brash, self-confident, pirate types (Han Solo comes to mind, although I preferred Han), then Sakamoto’s a good fit for you. Sakamoto does, without question, rock the western look. Despite my belief in the importance of Chizuru having some agency and self-determination, I think Sakamoto’s absolute refusal to let her go rescue Kondo was both right and appropriate (that’s the CG I picked, above). To be honest, stern Sakamoto appeals to me far, far more than smarmy smiley Sakamoto, (another clear result of my personal preferences). The scene out by the dock was good, and I had to appreciate Sakamoto’s directness, in that instance.

Okay, so despite my best efforts, I ended up putting a lot of my route review thoughts into my personal ship ranking list. AND it’s all way too long again.

I hope that there’s something here of interest. And – one more time – ship what works for you. Canon (game-based) ships, “non-canon” ships, semi-canon ships, m/f, f/f, m/m, whatever. We don’t have to agree for me to respect your preferences. Otome games are all about so-called “problematic” ships; my preferences tend to be on the “serious and thoughtful”, or at least “responsible and honest”, side (or “boring” depending on perspective!).

~ ImpracticalOni

#hakuouki #edo blossoms #haku ship reviews #eb route reviews #imp reviews eb #hijichi #okichi #saichi #heichi #harachi #kazachi #shinchi #sanchi #yamachi #ibachi #souchi #sakachi #why oh why oh why do I do this??#long post

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bridgetbites · 7 years ago

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Bridget Bites : On Amenorrhea

Hi Bridget! Love ALL your posts, almost every single one resonates with me, it is almost insane!! You don't even know how much you are touching and influencing young women in a positive way as a model and role model. I would love to hear more about the struggle with loosing/ regaining/ then loosing and regaining your period again. It is so crucial for girls to get their period to be functioning healthy humans but it is sadly often overlooked, and not given enough attention. SO many girls struggle with this due to weight loss/ stress. Any tips you have for getting it back? Also would love to hear things that most people WONT tell you about regaining your period back. Every medical website says eat more, rest more, relax more. So we know that!! But what about the struggles/ unexpected things? How long did it take? Anything you wish you knew prior? Looking forward to hearing about your journey with this! Much love!!! xoxo

Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words 😀 That means so much to me. I really do want to be totally transparent and a good role model.

This was definitely a subject that I would dance around whilst unwell. People would write in and ask for guidance here, and I would give them logical advice – eat a little more, eat more fat and cut the cardio. Definitely hypocritical of me. Because the truth is, I lose my period whenever my hips get below 34.5. So honestly – from the age of 17 to 26 I lost my period around two to six months out of the year. September this year will mark the one year anniversary that I have managed to keep my period for an entire year since I was 16. Considering that I got my period when I was 14, I am definitely going to celebrate, because this is a big deal for me.

First off, I am not a doctor. I am only speaking from my experience here and my first year nutritionist education, so please get a second opinion. And a grain of salt… So - my tips for getting it back. It is really tricky to wrap your head around this when you are sick, but you need to eat more. The hormones responsible for the female reproductive system are fat-based. So you need to have fat in your body in order for them to function. It is as simple as that. Mine always (thankfully) came back around a month or two after I started to eat properly. There isn’t really a food group that can facilitate this, although fat helps (better bang for your buck calorie wise). I also recommend cutting out all intense physical activity for a while. Do yoga, walk, and get in touch with your body again. Let it heal itself. I wish I could tell you more, but the medical websites have it down! There isn’t really a trick to this. You just have to care for your body, and give it exactly what it is asking you for.

Regaining it is strangely bittersweet. It would always leave me feeling thankful that I am giving my bones a chance to restore health and my body a chance to carry a baby again – but also that evil voice in me would try to tell me that I had ‘failed’. Losing my period was always such a thrill for me, it meant my destructive habits were working and I was really actually skinny. Funnily enough whenever I was that small I was never skinny enough for myself. I always had more weight to lose, and was so anxious and depressed about my perceived fatness. Body dysmorphia is really a bitch.

With each return of my lost period came more symptoms. I used to have periods with zero pain or anxiety, but each time I lost it, it returned with a little more vengeance. The first one coming back was hard. I would have huge amounts of anxiety and cramps. But then after a few more cycles it would even out. And it stopped being something to overcome, and more something to welcome each month. And welcome it I do. When I can feel it coming, I eat chocolate, relax in a bath, and (literally) thank my body for being cool to me after all the damage I intentionally did to it. Our bodies are incredible – they do so much in every little instant of our lives to keep us healthy. The more I learn in college about it, the more I respect mine. And am thankful that I did not destroy it (despite my best efforts).

After I decided to recover from my disordered eating February 2017, my period came back in March after being missing for a year. It was definitely the worst come back yet, I had days of anxiety and was ill at ease. I made a promise to myself that I would never skip it again. I thought that I could train hard and eat properly, get into the shape required of me for my job, but not lose my period. This was more of an experiment than anything. My evil voices were pretty under control at this point, and I was curious if I could lose weight “healthily”. Come August 2017, I was nearly back at the size I was the year before, and had skipped my period again. When I was told that my body wasn’t looking good enough, something snapped. Enough was enough. I made a vow to myself to allow my body to reach its natural, healthy size. I would eat healthily, eat well, and eat enough. I would exercise to add to my life. And if there was a place for me in the industry after all that, fantastic. So far, so good. There are people in the industry who like women to be empowered and strong. Women who have voices. Who enjoy fitness and health as much as the next person, but don’t let their entire lives be dominated by them.

What frustrates me the most is that every single one of the models I have talked to about this has experienced the same struggle with their fertility to some degree. The extreme body measures put upon most models is not conducive to a healthy existence. We should be allowed to be whatever size works for us. Most of us sit naturally at a size 4-6, not a 0-2. There are exceptions of course. But these are the anomaly, not the rule. My message here is for diversity. No woman should look in a catalogue, or on a billboard, or in a magazine and see a young girl who is unwell. Who’s body has shut down from starvation, all in an attempt to fit someone else’s twisted idea of what beauty is.

We should all be allowed to swallow the message that you are enough, exactly the way you are. That whilst health and fitness are important to a well lived life, they are naught but an aspect. Training hard and eating “clean” (ARGH) does not make a person healthy. Being free to discover exactly who you were put on this earth to be does. I want all people to cast off the shackles of disordered eating and to stop striving to fit someone else’s idea of who you should be. If we all make the decision to stop playing the game, eventually the game will be cast into history.

And we will have changed the world 😀

I dictate my road.

Love,

Bridget

Photograph | Dove Shore

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

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miribalis · 7 years ago

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hey, i hope this finds you in good health! i was wondering if you had any tips on how to give better insight on a character while writing? im having some trouble/im not sure if what ive written is done well enough ;;

Hello!

Well, I’m in a pickle here, because I’ve never given writing advice from what I can remember and it all works so differently for everyone. I’m still forming my writing style too, so please take it all with a grain of salt, but I can think of a few pieces of advice I’ve seen around too?

Like, there’s that whole “show, don’t tell” thing some people did (although you kinda need both when you write, so shrug), and that one that said you should treat every character you have like they think of themself as the main character (because that’s how people are!), but I don’t think you should take one piece of advice and act strictly on that (took me a long time to realise that, but you ARE allowed to choose what you want from what people suggest you should do).

This might have been beside the subject, but I’m not exactly sure what you’re struggling with specifically. You have to know your character when you’re writing them, that’s the gist of it. BUT! Don’t get intimidated when you don’t know them right away! It’s all good if you plan a lot of stuff (personality, backstory, habits, etc.) for your character before actually starting the story, and sometimes, who knows, it might be enough, but in my experience this has only taken me maybe half of the way to really knowing who I was writing about?

You gotta start writing. It might be very annoying and daunting at first, and you might feel like the character is not coming through as you’d wanted them too, but trust me, you just have to keep writing. Write a few pages, ten, twenty, hell, even forty pages and see how the character develops in them. Sooner or later, you’ll know them better, even if they’re not as you’d planned them on paper. THEN you can start your story, for real (i.e. don’t be afraid to scrap a lot of the things you write at first). I believe that once you know who you’re writing about, it’s gonna show in the text (or at least I have to believe that, else I’d go insane).

I’m… still not sure whether this is what you were actually asking of me, but this is what I have. As with all advice, take it with a grain of salt. Try different things until you find something that works well with you, and scrap the hell out of your stories until you’re pleased with what you see, but don’t rush. We all learn as we go.

#god this was long i'm sorry #bud. writes #maybe #Anonymous

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scripttorture · 7 years ago

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Starvation Part 1: What it does to individuals

Part of the reason this post has taken so damn long is because from a writer’s point of view there’s a lot to cover. I started out trying to fit everything in one post and it really wasn’t working out.

So instead I’m splitting it in two. We’re going to start by talking about starvation at an individual level. How much people need to survive, for how long and what starvation would do to your character.

The next post is going to be on mass starvation: famine.

How much food is enough?

The figure I see quoted most commonly is 2,500 kCalories for an adult man and 2,000 kCalories for an adult woman. The difference is presumably based on the assumption that men are physically larger.

The World Food Programme gives 2,100 kCalories per person per day to those completely dependent on food aid. (When people have access to some food but not enough the WFP gives less food aid and judges this based on each situation).

The World Health Organisation relates calorie requirements for severely malnourished people to body weight (with the caveat that variation can be up to 30%). For adults of 19-75 their figure is 45 kCalories per kg of body weight; higher calorie intakes are recommended for younger teenagers and children.

Those are all estimates of what people should get.

Human beings are capable of surviving for prolonged periods on much less. In Belomor, an early Soviet Gulag, the forced labourers were given around 1,300 kCalories a day (Snyder), and in China during Mao’s famine peasants could expect between 500g-150g of grain a day* (Dikötter), depending on how valuable they were judged as being.

Depending on their level of physical activity people can survive for months or sometimes years on diets that are a little over half the normal calorie intake.

The volunteers in the Minnesota Starvation Experiment lost 25% of their body weight and were kept on a severely restricted diet for six months. The people who set up the experiment deemed this length of time safe.

Your characters can realistically survive in a severely malnourished condition for a pretty long period of time.

What does starvation do?

Along with a host of physical changes starvation also seems to induce a particular mind-set and group of psychological symptoms. It’s really important to include both in your writing in order to really capture what’s happening to your character.

Physical

· Weight loss

· Reduction of muscle mass

· Growth of body hair (this compensates for loss of fat to keep the body warm, it is often curly like pubic hair)

· Pain

· Measurable decrease of physical strength and speed

· Lack of coordination

· Hair and nails become brittle

· Bones become weaker

· Menstruation stops

· Victims often appear paler or ‘ashen’

· Skin is less elastic

· Dry mouth, tongue and absence of tears

· Inability to regulate body temperature (victims become dangerously hot or cold very easily)

· Moving too quickly, especially getting up or sitting down, can cause fainting fits

· Swelling in the legs, similar to the edema observed in stress positions.

· In children growth is halted, a condition known as ‘wasting’.

· Poor circulation results in cold hands and feet, in serious cases a weak radial pulse.

· Prolapsed uterus may occur, which can vary from the uterus sagging below the cervix to parts of the uterus becoming visible outside the vagina

· Bloating of the abdomen called oedema (this happens in severe cases; a character in this condition may not survive)

· Diseases/conditions caused by lack of nutrients, anaemia, rickets, hypoglycaemia etc

· Multiple organ failure as the body cannibalises itself

There are also additional physical problems that, while not directly caused by starvation, are more common in severely malnourished people. These include:

Infections, both bacterial and fungal

Disease, particularly diarrhoea, but other infectious diseases are also more common and kill in larger numbers (an estimated 10-15% of deaths during the Chinese famine are attributed to typhus, typhoid and fevers)

Pneumonia and dysentery seem particularly common in famine conditions.

Parasitic infections, especially helminths and other intestinal worms

Psychological

I think the best way to start this off is with some quotes from the men who volunteered for the Minnesota Starvation Experiment. The men were conscientious objectors during World War 2 who wanted to help the millions of people being deliberately starved at the time. They voluntarily starved themselves for six months under the supervision of several doctors, leading to a new and better understanding of the effect starvation has on the body and mind.

These are their words, their summary of what starvation felt like.

“The time between meals has now become a burden. This time is no longer thought of as an opportunity to get those things done which I have to do or want to do. Instead, it's time to be borne, killed until the next meal, which never comes fast enough.” Month 1.

“I purchased a tube of toothpaste yesterday. Finally got around to using it for the first time last night. Had a desire to eat the paste, but controlled it.” Month 3

“Received a new insight and shock as to my physical condition today. Tried to play table tennis for the first time in four months and was amazed at the amount of effort it took to hit the ball. Also the lack of co-ordination and poor response of the arm. I had no idea co-ordination would be so poor.” Month 3

“This week of starvation found me completely tired practically every day. If they want to get any more work out of me, they're going to have to feed me.” Month 4

“Last week was unquestionably my toughest. I had hunger pains every day. Tuesday afternoon I had to quit work because the pains were so bad.” Month 5

“Stayed up until 5:00 A. M. last night studying cook-books. So absorbing I can't stay away from them.” Month 6

Below are the main psychological effects of starvation. The majority of these symptoms affect every starving person to a severe degree. They create a mind-set peculiar to the starving which can only be relieved by food and recovery.

Apathy

Lack of concentration

Obsession with food

Lack of sex drive (in sexual people)

Reduced ability to care for others and show empathy

Extreme lethargy and lack of energy

Lack of motivation

Emotional ‘blunting’, a lack of emotional response

‘Dejection’ and symptoms similar to mild depression

Lack of confidence

Irritability that coincides with apathy and lack of interest, leading to a switch between extremes. Listlessness followed by sudden outbursts.

Constant frustration

Outbursts of bad temper, especially when waiting for or around food

Severe mood swings

Anxiety, even when there is a secure source of food

Restlessness

Alienation and animosity towards strangers

Less care taken over personal appearance

There is no drop in intelligence in adults, but lack of concentration and focus makes learning difficult

Children who are starved in the first 2 years of life perform worse in schools

Indecisiveness

Forgetfulness

During recovery some of the emotional and psychological symptoms of starvation persist. This is temporary but it’s worth keeping in mind if you’re writing someone as they get better. They’re likely to recover their normal energy levels well before they gain control over their mood swings. As a result it should take a character a while to adjust to behaving in a normal, socially acceptable way. They may be more aggressive for a short time when they start eating normally.

It feels like there is so much more to say here. There are a lot of points that I’ve only touched on.

But the aim is to give a summary, an overview which hopefully paints a picture of the experience of starvation and will help you write it.

Sources:

World Food Programme

-If you like my work please consider donating to the WFP, their global funding was cut recently which is having a detrimental effect on famine relief worldwide.

World Health Organisation

-These are their guidelines for identifying child malnutrition.

-These are their guidelines for managing malnutrition generally (1999)

Men and Hunger: a psychological manual for relief workers by H S Guetzkow, P H Bowman, A Keys, 1946 (The Minnesota Starvation Experiment)

-This is not the full text but the 70 page summary sent out to relief workers immediately following the experiment. Highly recommended, this covers all the important psychological and physical points necessary for an author writing a starving character. However it does contain some racist and sexist language common during the 1940s when it was written.

Mao’s Great Famine by F Dikotter, Bloomsbury, 2010

Bloodlands: Europe between Hitler and Stalin, by T Synder, Penguin, 2010

*Note: the calorific value of the food given to people during the famine in China is unclear. Measurements were in weights and volumes so like for like comparison isn’t possible.

Edit: Gentle reminder that I am not a doctor and information on starvation should never be taken as diet advice.

Disclaimer

#tw torture #tw starvation #tw famine #tw genocide #starvation #psychological effects of starvation #physical effects of starvation #reduced diets #Minnesota starvation experiment #China #World Health Organisation #World Food Programme

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bughead-fic-request · 7 years ago

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I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @fxyeahriverdale work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

Archive Of Our Own (AO3) my username is saltwaterkid95 and I post links to my stories on Tumblr.

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

My name is Morgan I am 22 years old from California. I have a degree in film and electronic arts, I have worked on student films, TV, and sports broadcast in the Los Angeles area. I have lived in England and Germany. I am about to get my masters degree in sports broadcast journalism in the UK.

3. What do you never leave home without?

My small purse that has my money, credit card, and driver’s license in it. Also my phone.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Night Owl definitely. I have really bad insomnia so I just don’t really sleep that much haha.

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

So I have always loved Peter Pan since I was little. I would love to live in Neverland because I don’t want to grow up and live in the “adult world” haha. No adults to ruin the fun that sounds amazing!

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

I’ve worked on several sets with famous people, but probably the most famous person was LL Cool J. I have seen Justin Bieber at a restaurant before if that counts?

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

Riverdale obviously is my favorite tv show at the moment. I love foreign films and tv. I am so happy that Skam is being appreciated worldwide.

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

The National and Artic Monkeys are my favorite bands.

9. Favorite Books?

I have read Catcher In The Rye so many times! When Hitler did cocaine and Lenin lost his brain is fabulous! The Outsiders, Pride and Prejudice, Atonement, The Girl on the Train.

10. Favorite Food?

Carrots. I know that is really weird, but I just really love carrots.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

When people are given hand outs when other people have to earn things.

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

Dolphin Trainer and now I want to do replay or be a technical director for Sports television.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

Snakes. I hate snakes! I have bad anxiety, so I am paranoid and scared of everything.

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one you’d regret not doing?

Probably the What if scenarios in my life.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

I haven’t released it yet I am currently in the editing stages, but I wrote a really fun angsty (deciding whether it’s a one shot or two part currently) that is loosely based on the Hangover where Kevin, Moose, Reggie, Archie, and Jughead go to Las Vegas for Archie’s birthday party and end up losing him. Betty is in town for a journalist convention and she has to help them find Archie. I have had so much fun writing it on the side, but it’s taking me forever!

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

You Were A Kindness definitely because I have so many ideas and it is all ready so much longer than I expected it to be.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music?

Usually when I am trying to fall asleep or in the shower ideas just pop up in my head. I have been driving back and forth between San Francisco and LA a few times this summer and I have had a lot of time to think of ideas. Music does heavily influence my writing, I name all of my stories after songs.

18. Get inspired by TV/movies?

Absolutely. My ongoing multi chapter right now is loosely based off Baby Driver. I am also currently writing a one shot where Betty is the Bachelorette after she was dumped on National television in the finale of The Bachelor by Archie when he chose Veronica.

19. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I haven’t had that issue yet with Bughead luckily.

20. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

The last chapter of What Happened To Us. I am happy with it, but I am really bad at writing smut. Smut takes me longer which frustrates me because I can never find the right words.

21. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

I am really happy about the twist I wrote in Chapter 11 of You Were A Kindness.

22. Favorite character to write?

Betty Cooper definitely. There is so much to explore with Betty and I really relate to her anxiety studies and pressure from parents/society.

23. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

“These two really need to sit down and have a bro down.”

24. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

All of them. Anyone who takes time out of their day to read and even better comment is amazing. There is no greater feeling than seeing a comment on one of my stories!

25. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I try my best to take it with a grain of salt. Everybody is into different things and not everybody is going to agree with or like your work. It sucks, but as Kevin G said it best, “don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thang.”

26. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

I would make some of my chapters longer from You Were A Kindness, so that it wasn’t such a Slow Burn.

27. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

When I used to write in the football fandom a long time ago I wrote a one shot (I forget the name of it) where the protagonist’s relationship is going through a rough patch and Juan Mata’s girlfriend decides to go back home to Spain. She leaves him and then hours later he sees on the news that her plane has crashed. He is devastated until later she walks back into their house with her bags claiming that she couldn’t get on the plane. I won a footie fan fiction award for this fic haha, so I guess it’s my favorite.

28. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

Any Bughead fan fiction really. There are so many wonderful ongoing Bughead stories right now. I am also reading a Swedish book A Man called Ove.

29. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

Just go for it! This fandom is super supportive. There are so many talented writers that are willing to lend advice and help out others. Also getting a beta is another way to help with your writing. I personally don’t have one, but it is always good to have somebody to bounce your ideas off of. I was really scared to post my first story and I am really glad that I did it.

#bughead author spotlight #fan fiction #fan fiction writers #Bughead #bughead fanfiction #betty cooper #jughead jones #betty x jughead #jughead x betty #ao3 #riverdale #you were a kindness #what happened to us #fxyeahriverdale

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snowbellewells · 7 years ago

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“Beginning Now, It’s Ours”

~~Note: So, this story was meant to be a request answer for @whimsicallyenchantedrose for my 200 Follower celebration, and it is LONG overdue – embarrassingly so. She chose the prompt of: “Emma goes into early labor aboard the Jolly Roger while they are sailing one day; set in the future, post-wedding and happy beginning, but everyone has returned to the Enchanted Forest to live.” I hope you will still enjoy it, Jennifer! (I certainly had a lot of fun envisioning it! J) And @revanmeetra87 , your requested fic is still coming, I promise! The “CS as ballroom dancers” prompt story keeps growing, and I’m having a lot of fun with it, just not a lot of time to write!!~~ @kmomof4 I’ll let you know when it’s posted too. We’ve been talking about that CS dancers idea for ages, even before I was supposed to be writing it for a request.

“Beginning Now, It’s Ours”

By: snowbellewells (TutorGirlml on ff.net)

“There’s no storm we can’t outrun,

We will always find the sun;

Leave the past and all its scars,

A happy beginning now is ours…”

Gently rolling waves lap softly against the hull of their ship, rocking back and forth on the open water that stretches unbroken as far as her eyes can see, soothing an eight-and-a-half months pregnant Emma Swan-Jones where she stands on the Jolly Roger’s deck, leaning against the ancient wooden sides. She runs her hands along the smooth grain, lovingly reflecting that she has come to see the old girl as a home, just as the vessel had served for her husband all those countless years he had spent adrift and alone, when she feels Killian’s solid presence behind her. The warmth that always radiates comfortingly from her pirate presses to her back as he stands behind her, wrapping his arms as far as he can around her rounded stomach, hand and hook resting protectively over their little one and nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck and shoulder. “Alright there, Love?” he murmurs, wordlessly urging her to lean back on him, even as he nips at her skin, causing shivers to skitter down her spine.

Breath hitching, Emma nods, suddenly not trusting her voice to remain steady. They have been married almost three years now, and she might feel bloated and unattractive at mere weeks from her due date, but neither time nor condition has ever lessened the powerful effect a single touch or one whisper of her husband’s voice has on her. Killian Jones may be gaining crow’s feet around his eyes when he gives her his incorrigible grin, and there may be the fewest strands of silver-grey mixed in with the dark hair at his temples, but he is still a menace to her composure in both looks and ceaseless charm. She has never become any more able to resist the desire to “pillage and plunder” than she was from the very beginning.

Her pirate gazes down at her, smirking as if he knows, but merely dips his head slightly to place a kiss to her brow. “Glad to hear it, Swan,” he murmurs low, pressing her the smallest bit closer yet in his embrace. “However, I believe I shall have Henry turn her to port now. We should have our return course set before the light fades. Enjoy the sunset. We shouldn’t go too far out again until after our babe joins us.”

Emma gives him a small nod of reluctant acquiescence, resisting the urge to roll her eyes at his worrying over her and his protective concern for their little one’s health and safety. At various times earlier in her pregnancy, both her mom and her dad had pulled Emma aside to urge a bit more patience and understanding with her anxious husband. In their world, the realm and time Killian was from as well her parents had reminded gently, bearing children carried much more risk and could cause several more lingering effects than it did in Emma’s modern experience. She has tried since then to bear with her pirate and his fussing as best she can, knowing that just as she can’t bear to live without him now, he cannot stand the thought of losing her either.

He moves away with a gentle squeeze of affection to her hand, vowing in a purr against her skin to return shortly, then sauntering over the enchanted wooden deck, calling out to Henry jovially and asking if his first mate needs help bringing her round. Emma turns partially to watch the two men in her life – her True Loves – whom she adores more than anything and anyone else in all the world. It makes her heart trip almost giddily to see the proud paternal smile Killian gives Henry when his stepson grins proud and pleased while showing that he has them turned about and right on course back to the castle harbor.

There had been a few bumps in the road – Killian throwing away Pop Tarts to push mackerel for breakfast, and angry accusations on Henry’s part of trying to take his dad’s place when Killian had put a foot down the first time Henry missed curfew on a date with Violet, came to mind with still-vivid clarity – but watching the two of them together now, a person would never know they hadn’t always been family. Their rapport is easy, genuine liking and respect for each other clear in their conversation and their jests. That the man she finally gave her broken heart over to for mending loved her son so fully and completely – as if Henry were his own – as well, was more than Emma had dared hope for once upon a time.

Since their wedding and the Final Battle against the Black Fairy, not to mention yet one more life-threatening and nearly final separation, there had been a fair number of the denizens of Storybrooke who vehemently desired to return to their home realm if there were any way at all to make it possible. It seemed safer than staying in a place clearly targeted for mayhem and catastrophe; plus, it was where most of them really belonged. Her parents had led the charge in fact, once they were certain that Emma, Killian, and Henry would go as well, and that Emma was genuinely alright with the decision. Henry had been thrilled beyond belief and anxiously impatient to set out for a world where he could be a true knight of his grandparents’ kingdom and have all the adventures and heroics that role would entail. With Regina working to help instead of thwart them, and a bit of advice and labor from Anton and the dwarves, it was the matter of merely a couple months’ growth time to have enough beans for those who wished to return to the Enchanted Forest, restore Snow White’s benevolent reign as it should always have been, and to rebuild the land they would make their permanent home.

Emma tilts her head, savoring the warm, blissful feeling in her chest as she watches Killian lean in to speak just a few brief words of suggestion or encouragement to Henry before clapping him on the shoulder and nodding affirmation to whatever she can see Henry saying in response. Henry’s laughter rings out on the sea air brightly, one hand leaving the ship’s wheel to swat at Killian playfully before her pirate swings away and comes back to her, the oranges and golds of the sky behind him lighting his figure as if he is surrounded by a hazy halo.

Feeling her mouth begin to water with desire for her gorgeous husband, his attractiveness only accentuated by the sunset’s glow, Emma turns back to the ship’s side, leaning for support gently as she rubs her hand over her stretched and unwieldy belly. The rumbling unease she feels just now is another side effect, like the sudden bouts of overwhelming need for her husband and all he can do with that sinfully delicious body, that she wants to blame on the wealth of hormones coursing through her as she comes to the end of her pregnancy. Still, her brow furrows against her will as she gazes out at the reddish ball of the fiery sun seeming to settle right on the water at the horizon line before them, unable to ignore the sharp, painful pinch of sudden discomfort in her abdomen, even as she tries to hide it. Blowing out a puff of air in the hope of breathing deeply to steady herself, Emma leaves her hand on her stomach, rubbing her palm back and forth along its curve, forcing herself to focus elsewhere and stay calm.

Though Killian would never have said a word, thinking she had no desire to give up the comforts and conveniences of the modern world she had always known, Emma knew her husband had wanted to see his own realm again. Her brave, resourceful pirate adapted himself so determinedly and well to any surroundings – even the strange and mystifying 21st century with all its gadgets and technology – that she could almost forget what an adjustment her world must have been for him… how much he had willingly given up to remain by her side. Yet as they had settled in her parents’ castle, taking their own wing of apartments but still close to their large, extended family and friends, Killian’s glee at showing her the ropes in his homeland had been evident, his sheer joy at for once not being off-kilter and out of the loop with customs, routines, and endless modern technologies. He never made her feel stupid or ridiculous, even when he might tease her, but was always right at her side, eager to show, to teach, and to introduce her to this simpler time and place natural to him, whether it was how to cinch her dresses with sewn-in corsets or make coffee in a world without Granny’s, Starbucks or Keurig machines – and for her to see the life she would always have had if things had gone as they should – anxious to help her feel at home and come to love the place as much as he clearly did.

Thoughts of their current place and time bring her focus circling back to the trepidation her beloved pirate had suffered and dealt with when they first learned they were expecting. Not that Emma hadn’t harbored her own issues, but once she managed to tell Killian and he had been awestruck and thanking her with kisses rained all over her face before falling to his knees to press his lips to her still-flat stomach repeatedly as well, her biggest worry had been allayed. This would not be like last time – alone, sick with guilt and regret, knowing that in the end the precious life she carried couldn’t stay with her, and that she would have to give it up. Killian, after the initial shocked euphoria, had grown fearful over the many things which could still go wrong, the mere chance that he could lose her, the baby, or both of them. For the last month or so, it had nearly paralyzed him and stolen all of his happiness and anticipation for the event. Several long scouting expeditions with David, which she and her mother felt were more “bro bonding” exercises and an excuse for some in-depth reassuring talks, had finally brought Killian’s confidence in their strength and preparation and his anxious joy to meet the child borne of their love back to the forefront.

Now, however, as she can’t help bending forward a bit, curling herself around the source of pain and biting back a low moan. Emma has a fleeting moment of panic that perhaps Killian’s fears are not so far off base. And then, just as though he has read her mind, the way she often believes he can, Killian is there at her side, hand and hook at her waist bracingly to still her wild thoughts.

“What is it, Love?” he asks apprehensively. “Are you alright?”

Emma can only shake her head in the negative, doing all she can now not to scream in pain and alarm her teenage son along with her husband. She clutches at Killian’s hand on her waist with shaking fingers, wrapping his hook in her grip as well and leaning into his support it all it’s worth. By the time she raises her head for her teary, unfocused green eyes to meet his concerned blue, she feels the unmistakable gush of liquid breaking free and streaming to the planks of the Jolly at their feet. She can’t deny, even to herself, what is going on, a few weeks ahead of schedule though it may be.

Killian’s mouth opens in shock, clearly floundering momentarily for words as he looks from her face to their feet and back again before asking rather needlessly, “Emma lass, are you…?”

She bobs her head rapidly in affirmation, feeling her knees give a bit and leaning into the frame of his body yet more heavily. She tries to force a smile to her lips, even as she feels silent tears breaking free to trek down her cheeks. “I think –” she breaks off on a gasp, then forces herself to continue speaking breathily with a self-deprecating chuckle at the end, “you may have been a bit late with the warning about going out on the water, Captain. Pretty sure there won’t be any time for worrying about that.”

Breaking into a pleased grin at the imminent arrival of their long-awaited offspring, Killian’s eyes light up with happy expectation, even though they stay fixed caringly on hers. “My apologies,” he murmurs lowly against her neck, offering a bit of a mocking bow clearly meant to help her keep the lighthearted mindset as long as she can. “In future, Milady, I shall endeavor to be more prepared.”

Calling to Henry over his shoulder without even glancing back to the helm, he asks evenly, with impressive show of calm, “How long before we dock, Lad?”

When Henry’s response is half an hour to forty-five minutes, Emma grits her teeth, knowing this will probably still be going on, but that she will not be up to trekking from the ship to the castle by then. Thinking about the nursery all outfitted, sterilized and prepared for their baby’s delivery, and both Doc and Victor on standby to oversee the proceedings, and yet still out of reach of all of it, is maddening and only serves to cause her tears to fall with greater regularity.

“Right then,” Killian states, his voice clipped with the tension that always comes when he is forced to see her upset or in pain. He moves swiftly before she can protest to wrap his hook arm around her shoulders and his other arm beneath her knees, sweeping her off her feet into his arms, and already moving toward the hatch that leads below to the Captain’s quarters. “Steady on your course, Mate,” he calls to Henry. “Your mum needs to lie down, and I am taking her to do so.”

Emma gapes at him now, nonplussed until she has to bury her face in his chest to muffle another cry aloud at the most vicious contraction yet. She wants to fight him, demand he put down her awkward bulk before he falls and hurts them both, but keeping a lid on her anxiety and breathing as she has been taught are taking nearly all of her focus and strength. Henry is no dunce; he has probably already figured out what’s happening and worrying, she frets, eyes slipping closed for a minute as she simply tries to think straight.

Before she knows it, Killian is easing her down on the bunk they have shared every night they’ve ever spent together on his ship, gently brushing back wisps of hair gone sweaty with exertion from her forehead, before pulling back to give her an encouraging smile. “Don’t worry, Swan. Henry will be fine. As will you and our impatient babe. I will fill him in and be back before you know it. Just hold on, aye?”

Emma nods, blinking back more tears at his understanding exactly what she needs – his knowing just what to do, just what to say, what will make a frightening situation alright again for her in only a few words. It is hard to believe that even a month ago, he was the one beside himself with worry, when now that he sees her in need he seems so steady and calm. Killian turns and disappears back up the ladder; a moment later, she can hear his quick steps crossing the deck overhead. There are a few minutes of silence following, and she senses then that he must be telling Henry what’s really going on; that she is already in labor to bring his younger brother or sister into the world. What surprises her is that she soon feels the ship’s movement stall, coming to a standstill other than the gentlest continued rocking of the waves around them.

It isn’t long after that she hears two sets of footfalls pound across the boards above her, then the hatch opening to allow both her True Loves down to her; Killian dropping into the small room as agile as a cat while Henry clambers after him, eyes wide as he takes in her panting, aching form on the bed where Killian left her.

They take up positions, one on either side of her, and Killian kneels to her left, brushing his hook, the cool curve soothing, over her flushed cheek while offering her his good hand and raising the back of her palm to his lips when she takes it and laces their fingers together. “Don’t worry, Love. Everything will be fine. We’ve dropped anchor so that the both of us are free to aid you, and all will be right – Whale or no.”

Emma looks up into those mesmerizing blue eyes, feeling as though she should want to rail at him for getting her into this situation, want to squeeze the hand in hers until she breaks all his knuckles and he hurts as much as she does right now, and demand how he knows it will all work out. Yet that open gaze of wonder, admiration, and love he has fixed on her makes the only real emotion she can register one of gratitude that Killian is right there at her side with no intention of leaving her.

Henry rests his hand on her opposite shoulder then, as if just needing to touch and lend his mom what encouragement he can. His hand is strong, slightly calloused, and larger than she remembers it being; her boy is nearly a man, and it suddenly seems as though it has happened right before her eyes. She leans her head over to rest against his when Henry bows his forehead to meet hers, whispering a soft ‘thank you’ to her beautiful, amazing, and incredible son. He could begrudge her all of this, what with the mistakes she made and the way his own life had begun; he could have wanted no part of this new family dynamic and a younger sibling that she plans to raise from the very start. Instead, with true grace and empathy, Henry has welcomed this coming child as a second chance for all of them, just as he has always managed to understand that his mom had only wished him to have his best chance in life with every fiber of her battered young heart, and that was the only reason she had let him go those many years past.

“You’ve done this before, Mom,” Henry reminds her now, managing to evoke at least a bit of a jesting tone in his delivery. “Plus, you’re pretty much the strongest person I know. You’ve got this…well, we’ve got this.”

“Aye, that we do, Darling,” Killian agrees, slipping his arm behind her to tilt her forward, putting several pillows behind her to help prop her up somewhat, as if he somehow knows that she’d realized the time to push is close at hand.

Quickly, Henry heads to the galley for clean towels and hot water when Killian asks for them. While her son is gone, her husband helps her shed the outfit she had been wearing for their sailing venture and don instead a simple, lightweight shift, before placing a sheet over her bottom half and bent knees, as he has seen several times by now, both on television in her world and at the various other births they have borne witness to at this point. By the time Henry returns with the requested items, they have her settled once more and Killian is at her feet, coaxing her to breathe as Whale has had them practice and reminding her when to push as the time is fast approaching. “I am no Dr. Frankenstein, but I will do the best I can, Love. It would seem our littlest pirate is no longer willing to wait.”

Emma huffs a short, nervous laugh between gasps for air and groans as she feels the pressure and stretching within her abdomen only heighten. “Honestly, Killian, I wouldn’t mind an actual doctor’s expertise, but I think I’d rather have you down there than him, if the truth be told.”

Henry chooses that moment to break up the exchange before things grow any more awkward, and he comes back to her head, letting her lean against him and supporting her shoulders. Soon, it all blurs into her two loves’ voices giving instructions and speaking encouragement, measured breaths, blinding pain, and pushing, until she feels she has no more strength left, not a single ounce of energy still within her body to give. Her surroundings and the passing minutes blend together hazily in increasing agony.

“Come on, Mom!” Henry urges at her ear, pleasing earnestly as he continues, “One more push! You’re almost there!”

Tossing her head back and forth weakly, Emma senses her words more than actually hearing them as she tells him ‘no’, she can’t, it’s too much, there’s nothing left.

Suddenly, Killian’s voice snaps through the fog, breaking like lightning, a lifeline tossed into murky seas and towing her back to shore. “Emma! You must!” he demands, his voice, raw and urgent, but implacable, allowing no other choice. “I can see the crown of the head. Push, Lass! Now! Once more! You can do this!!”

Calling on every reserve she can muster, clenching muscles she never even realized she had, Emma bears down once more, pushing, straining, until all at once the cord she has felt constricting her breaks, a force expels, and she falls back, drained, to the wailing cry of an infant.

Giddily, her hurt and exhaustion flip on their head into a dazed sort of euphoria. Her eyes roll to Henry, who is grinning down at the end of the bunk where Killian is cradling a squalling, red, and flailing newborn as he attempts to clear its airways and wipe clean the delicate, rosy skin.

“You did it, Mom! We made it!” Henry beams back at her, shifting and leaving her side for a moment to help Killian maneuver and settle the child, wrapping it in a spare sheet from a cupboard and settling her in the crook of his stepfather’s blunted arm.

In just a few more moments, Killian is bringing the swaddled bundle of precious little girl to his wife and laying the crying child in her arms, where the little one promptly stills to mere sniffles, seemingly soothed by her mother’s very touch. “We’ve a daughter, Swan,” her pirate announces, already entranced and clearly wrapped around the wee infant’s tiny fingers. His voice is hushed with blissful reverence as he looks on, watching their daughter’s rosebud mouth purse and her eyes blink curiously up at them all, then staring at Emma in wonder, as if hardly daring to believe this has all just happened.

For a moment in the ship’s cabin, the world slows and allows a frozen tableau of perfect delight. The gurgling little girl already sporting a head full of her papa’s dark hair, her two enamored, drained, and enthralled parents, plus one proud big brother, all elated at the result of the last few hour’s hurried proceedings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~8888888888888888~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When, a month later, the newest heir to the throne of Misthaven and the Enchanted Forest is presented in court, Morgan Ruth Jones shows every bit of her mother’s pluck and her father’s mischievous charm when she reaches up to tug a curl of her grandmother Queen Snow White’s hair as she rests in her arms, grinning toothlessly at the gathered assembly and winning all her future subjects over as easily as blinking her eyes. From where they stand to the side looking on, Emma threads her arm through Killian’s and gazes up to see that his eyes are suspiciously misty. Reflecting on how their little miracle child has continued to surprise and delight them every day since that of her birth, is only another confirmation of how very blessed she is, after all the heartache that came before. If there were ever a fitting exclamation point to signal the conclusion of their story’s start, and lead into the rest of the long-awaited fairy tale, it would be their daughter, without doubt. Henry himself could not have written a happier beginning.

#cs follower request fic #cs future family oneshot #cs future fluff #EF AU oneshot

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 7 years ago

Text

Panacea

AO3 Link

Genre: Fantasy AU, fluff, sort of getting together, first meeting

Summary: Fiction. Dan is a potions master, one of the best in his field. Or he used to be. His last job a few months ago has left him tired and disillusioned, but a new job at work involving a certain Spellcaster Phil Lester might just be the thing he needs to turn his life back around.

Warnings: Like one swear work

Word Count: 7000ish

A/N: I was sick today, so I decided to ignore all my other projects in favour of writing something completely new and off-the-wall. Oops. xD Also, it's Elizajane's ( @snowbunnylester ) birthday! And I wanted to write her something. So here you go, my dear, some fantasy for you, especially as you were the first person who made me confident in posting fantasy fanfics in the first place <3

Might continue this verse, depending how I feel in the morning.

Reminder that I don’t know Dan or Phil at all and I’m not suggesting this in any way reflects reality. This is a work of fiction

---

“His name’s Phil Lester.”

PJ’s voice was loud on the phone, overly enthusiastic, hurting Dan’s ears in the early morning haze. Dan was still climbing out of dreams, blinking blearily. His dark grey covers were pulled right up to his chin. “And why are they making me do this?”

“I don’t know what the higher-ups think any more than you do,” PJ explained, which was a lie. They both knew that was a lie. PJ was far more in-the-loop than Dan was, on the fact that he actually turned up for work every day and read and responded to his emails regularly.

“My best guess is to get you back in the game,” PJ said bracingly. “New assignment. Something to get your blood running again.”

“Why couldn’t it have been a solo assignment,” Dan grumped. His head was still swimming with half-remembered thoughts, clinging to the vestiges of his dreams. Or his past. One or the other, it was sometimes hard to tell.

He rubbed his free hand across his quilt, his other loosely wrapped around his phone, pressed half-heartedly to his ear.

“Check your email,” PJ advised him. “Answer the report. Go to the meeting. It’ll be good for you.”

Dan sighed. PJ was right. PJ was always right when it came to advising Dan on what to do with his life, but right then Dan didn’t want to take the advice. He wanted to turn off his phone and dive back under his covers and stay there for the remainder of the day.

He’d been doing that for months.

Maybe today was time for a change.

“Alright,” he mumbled. Checking one email could count. Maybe sending one reply, if he was up to it. Then he could go back to his wallowing in peace.

“I’m calling back in an hour to make sure you’ve actually done it,” PJ told him, and then hung up.

Dan kept the phone to his ear for a moment, and then dropped it down to the duvet. Space-grey phone, space-grey blanket. Everything in his life was grey. That used to make him happy, he thought, once when it was nothing more than an aesthetic. Now it felt a little like his entire state of being was grey.

Dan closed his eyes and slid back beneath his blanket.

---

After exactly 57 minutes, Dan checked his emails.

He did this because he knew PJ would actually call him back after an hour, and he didn’t want to hear the disappointment in PJ’s voice if Dan had to tell him once again that he hadn’t done anything. His laptop was heavy on his thighs.

The email was a simple, straightforward one. A report from the Department of Health that there’d been reports of an outbreak in a local block of flats, could the agency send a team out immediately. The forward from Dan’s manager just said you + spellcaster, handle with urgency.

Ugh, not Spellcasters. Dan never got on very well with them. They were so… pretentious.

He answered the email in a spurt of motivation that he would probably come to regret later, but at least he could tell PJ that he’d done something when he called.

PJ did call. “Proud of you,” he said after Dan told him. “It’ll be easier than you think. I know Phil, he’s a nice guy.”

“Right,” Dan said uncertainly. He never would have classed a Spellcaster as a nice guy really. They just wandered around the place waving their arms around unnecessarily, Dan always avoided them when they came into the office.

“And the case shouldn’t be too difficult,” PJ added, obviously trying to sweeten the deal. “Just something to dip your toe back in the water. Come back to us after all this time. We’ve missed you.”

“You sound like a needy child,” Dan answered disapprovingly.

“Well then be a responsible parent and get out of bed.”

“You don’t know I’m still in bed,” Dan defended himself, from under his bedcovers. But PJ didn’t know that. He couldn’t see.

After they hung up, Dan played on his phone until the next email came through. From his manager, Excellent, given Spellcaster your details, you will receive a call. Dan tried not to pay attention to how ominous that sounded, and closed his laptop again decisively. That was enough of doing things for one day. He was going to hang out on his favourite reddit discussion thread until something from the outside world forced him to be active again.

---

His phone rang in the middle of the day.

Dan had been splayed out on his back, arms hanging off the end of the bed, facing the ceiling, when his ringtone burst loudly into the room. He grunted, debated ignoring it, then remembered the earlier email with you will receive a call and scrambled to grab for his phone where it was hiding under his pillow.

The voice that greeted him was low, but bright. “Hi! Is this Daniel Howell?”

“Call me Dan,” Dan answered instantly. “Please. Or you’ll sound like my grandmother.”

There was an answering chuckle. “I tried the office phone first. Thought mobile was a bit forward, you know? But then you weren’t there.”

“No,” Dan answered, trying not to feel guilty. He cast about for a way to explain himself, but grasped at nothing other than vague, feeble excuses he’d given a hundred times before. None of them sounded good enough.

“So,” the Spellcaster said, a little uncomfortably. “Will you be in your office tomorrow? I thought we could meet there, go over the case files. I’d suggest mine, but it’s never quiet enough over here. I guessed potion masters would be a bit more orderly.”

Dan snorted at that thought, thinking of the multiple explosions and clouds of smoke that were a part of his daily existence. Back when he used to go into work, anyway. But sure, let the Spellcaster go ahead and just assume things, it was in his nature probably.

“Sure,” Dan said.

“Ok, but can we meet at like, 11 or something, I don’t do mornings very well and I’m gonna need to grab some coffee.”

Dan smiled a little. “Trust me. 11 counts as early. We can make it 12 and I’d be fine.”

“Maybe 11:30,” the Spellcaster admitted, and chuckled again. “Wouldn’t want to invade your lunch plans. So I’ll come by then?”

“Yeah, sure,” Dan agreed, feeling marginally better about things. Of course that meant he actually had to go into the office tomorrow morning.

But maybe it was about time. His bedsheets needed changing anyway.

---

Louise nearly fell out of her chair when Dan turned up in the office in the morning.

“Oh,” she said, clutching at her coffee mug and staring at him. “Oh, you’re here. And you look—oh. But you’re here.”

“Thanks,” Dan answered dryly, sliding into the cubicle next to her. “Exactly the kind of welcome back I expected.”

She patted his arm. “I just wasn’t sure. PJ mentioned the job, but – well, no one really expected you to take it.”

Dan’s stomach sank a little at that. He should have known his actions over the past few months wouldn’t reflect well on his workmates, but the idea of being office gossip was quite possibly the worst thing in his life. He almost regretted coming in.

“PJ said it’s a good return job, though,” Louise said with that same forced smile that everyone around Dan seemed to wear these days. “Not too difficult. Just a banishment thing, and dealing with the damage – and you could do that in your sleep.”

Once upon a time, that would have been true. Now, Dan wasn’t so sure. His potions kit felt foreign in his fingers as he set the briefcase down on his desk, popping open the clasps to check his ingredients stash.

Anything fresh in there had dried up long ago. Even his staples were looking a bit weedy, and the fine dried grain looked worse for the wear, too. Maybe he should just throw the whole thing out and re-stock.

Maybe nothing was ever salvageable, and he just had to start everything over again, but Dan didn’t want to dwell too hard on that.

“It’ll be different this time,” Louise added in a low murmur, leaning in conspiratorially close to Dan’s desk.

Dan’s grip tightened around his mortar and pestle. He set them in place in his potions kit, carefully.

“There won’t be any surprises, it’s not a tricky diagnosis.” Louise’s voice was low, her tone comforting. Dan usually loved her, but just then he felt coddled. “Straightforward. I promise.”

Thankfully, Dan was saved from responding by the arrival of the Spellcaster.

He was impossible to miss. The door alarm going off wasn’t even necessary because who else would be wearing a cloak inside, honestly, and this guy wasn’t just wearing any cloak. No, it was bright blue, splattered with half-moons and weird symbols that looked like runes and some kind of glittery gold thing clinging to the material. Along with his black hair and glasses, he really couldn’t have stood out more.

Dan glanced down at his own outfit, black on black on black. Well. At least you’d be able to tell them apart.

The Spellcaster was looking around uncertainly, and when he stepped forward he nearly tripped over one of the cauldrons stacked up in a corner. Dan got to his feet for fear that this stranger would make a mess of the room if left alone, and he’d better not end up anywhere near the cauldrons bubbling away in the back.

Dan stepped out to greet him, but then realised he’d completely forgotten the Spellcaster’s name. PJ had told him, Dan was sure of it, but now… the name was completely gone. Which left Dan standing in the middle of his office gaping like a fish out of water.

Luckily, the Spellcaster came to his rescue. He tilted his head. “Daniel Howell?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Dan found his voice quickly and strode forward, hand outstretched.

The Spellcaster grinned, shaking his hand firmly. His cloak billowed ridiculously with his every movement. “Phil Lester. Good to finally meet you, they said you were the best.”

“Yes, well,” Dan mumbled, and then backed over towards his desk, letting go of Phil Lester’s hand in favour of reaching for his kit. “They say a lot of things.”

Phil’s grin didn’t diminish. He looked around the office with interest, eyes keen. “Is there somewhere we could go over the case files together?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Dan answered, realising with a slow sense of panic that he hadn’t actually printed off any of the files he’d been sent. But luckily there was a brown folder under Phil’s arm – he must have come better equipped than Dan, maybe Dan would be able to leech off him for a while. “We can head to one of the conference rooms.”

“Room B is free,” Louise supplied helpfully from beside them.

Dan jumped, glancing down to see her smiling warmly between them. Like a doting mother. Dan held back a sigh, he didn’t need protection.

“Ok, well,” Phil looked back at Dan, a little uncertainly. “That sounds good?”

“It’ll do,” Dan agreed humourlessly, snapping his kit shut and tucking it under his arm. “It’s this way.”

Phil Lester was a Spellcaster through and through. He laid all the files out in perfect order for them to look through, but went through everything with a flighty kind of carelessness, jumping around from place to place without worrying about order or protocol. He waved his hands around when he got excited, too, and his stupid cloak took up half of his chair.

Dan couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed.

There was something charming about the way Phil pointed to the first victim of the case. “Female. 42. Came down with sudden migraines that quickly escalated to full-body aches, flu-like symptoms and general malaise also. Doesn’t seem like much, until you couple it with—” he leaned over dramatically, pointing at another victim, four along in the pile. “This guy. Sneezy McGee. Also flu-like symptoms, starting with a headache. His daughter, too, came down with sudden headache in the middle of maths class, taken home early. Then it spread to half the block. Classic inhabitant pattern, probably an imp, maybe a sprite, I’d say.”

Dan nodded along, his fingers itching to reach out and right the haphazard way Phil had sprawled the papers across the table. They weren’t even in straight lines. “I’d say imp, myself.”

“Same,” Phil agreed. “This smacks of a malignant aligning spell, probably bound to the building. I can dismiss it easily enough and put up a few defence mechanisms, but as for the victims – those I’ll leave up to you.”

Dan’s smile became a little more forced.

“I think we should head over there as quickly as possible, really,” Phil continued, oblivious to Dan’s stony silence. “Don’t want to leave the people worried, there was talk of evacuation but I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I could head over there now, but I hear potions sometimes take a while to brew, so – will you need more time?”

Dan blinked, coming back to himself. He thought back to his stale potions kit, his recipe lists hiding somewhere deep down in his phone notes, and guiltily nodded. “Yeah, sorry. Might take a little while, actually.”

Phil nodded understandingly, but he didn’t have that too-kind look on his face that surrounded Dan everywhere he went at the moment. He just looked… normal. Like a normal co-worker discussing a normal job on a normal day.

For some reason, that warmed Dan up a little.

“I’ll just need to refresh my stock,” Dan added, sitting up a little straighter. “And brew up a draught. General healing, probably, but a little bit of painkillers to settle the headaches. And actually, if we knew what kind of imp it was, I could add in an immunity – assuming it’s a local imp and not tropical, though I doubt one of those could have got into a city apartment block—”

“I could find that out,” Phil agreed, brightening even further. “I was going to pop over tonight, just get a feel for the building, I could totally find out what we’re dealing with here.”

Dan sent him a look. “You can detect imp types?”

“Given the right circumstances,” Phil shrugged, and then winked at Dan. Or tried to – it came out more like a failed blink. “We Spellcasters have our secrets, you know.”

Dan shook his head, trying not to be charmed. It was difficult. And he’d be lying if he didn’t say he was marginally impressed. Detecting different kinds of supernatural life forms was difficult, and determining anything specific was even more challenging. But if Phil Lester could do that, then Dan’s job would be much easier.

“So I’ll head over and see what’s there, and then text you my findings?” Phil offered with that same crinkly smile.

Dan looked over and smiled back, if only a small one. “Yeah. Sounds good. If you really can find out the imp’s classification then I can add immunity into the draught.”

“No problem, materino,” Phil promised, proving that he was indeed a complete dork.

But for the first time in a very long time, Dan was looking forward to making a potion again.

---

Dan spent that evening back in his study at home. (Well, it was supposed to be a study. Over the past few months it had slowly degraded into a place he shoved everything he didn’t want to think about, and as such was full of bank letters and important files and the reports of the last case he’d handled, which were directly shoved underneath a giant pile of piano sheet music he’d been trying to teach himself).

His cauldron was bubbling away again over the fire, the familiar smells of boiling ingredients satisfying something deep within him that he hadn’t realised had been missing. Smoke was billowing up the chimney again, probably adding to his output emissions bill, but he didn’t even care. This was part of his work, he could claim it back.

And he was working again, and it felt good.

A little while into making the potion, when Dan was sitting at his desk chopping up some monkfish roots, a text came through. Dan frowned, not recognising that number, but when he checked his history it was the same one that called him that morning.

Dan saved the number as Phil (Spellcaster) and then checked what the text said.

Phil (Spellcaster): Went to block of flats, situation is fairly dire. Put in a defence spell for the night but victims def need your draught. Meet there at 9am tomorrow?

Dan wrinkled his nose when he noted the earlier time, but at the same time, he could feel his stomach tightening. These people were suffering, they needed his help. His and Phil’s help. Phil must think it was bad if he was calling for an early morning, and the original email Dan had got from his supervisor was marked with urgency.

Maybe he should have gone with Phil today. Or at least worked up a draught faster.

He frowned, half-way through texting Phil back when another text buzzed through his phone.

Phil (Spellcaster): Oh, and the imp is an earth type. Climbed in through ivy on the outside of the building, got into a sixth floor window. Those people have been hit the hardest

Dan clucked his tongue. Defence on these buildings needed to be improved, the regulations weren’t tight enough. This building was privately owned, Dan remembered reading, surely there should have been more checks for this kind of thing. Now people were suffering needlessly.

He sighed, texting Phil back before going back to chopping up his roots.

Daniel Howell: ok am working on draught thanks will build in earth immunity

The next time his phone buzzed, Dan jumped, the knife slipping in his hand and slicing through part of his finger. He cursed softly, leaping up before any blood could contaminate his ingredients, and scurried haphazardly into his bathroom.

Cleaned up, and with a plaster on his finger, Dan checked his phone again to find three new texts sitting there.

Phil (Spellcaster): How do you even do that like I never understood how immunity works

Phil (Spellcaster): Well I never understood potions in general to be fair too much chemistry for me

Phil (Spellcaster): (I’m not stupid I promise I just find numbers hard to grasp)

Dan smiled a bit. He typed out a reply, biting his lip.

Daniel Howell: well it’s a bit too complicated to explain over texting and tbh if numbers aren’t your thing I doubt you’d find it very interesting

He left his phone on his desk as he went to stir his cauldron again, carefully adding in the chopped roots until they were fully dissolved and the clouds of smoke had turned a pleasing russet gold colour. Dan turned to browse his shelves then, looking through jars and jars of old dusty ingredients, some of the labels so yellowed they were barely readable, marked out in his own sloppy writing over the years and years of collecting interesting ingredients.

He’d had a love for this, once. And just now, scanning the shelves again, Dan felt a stirring of something within him that might have been close to love; an echo of a feeling he once knew well.

He picked out the things to build up an immunity to earth, and then turned back to the cauldron.

Hours of stirring later, Dan settled the cauldron on low heat to simmer overnight, and smiled. He felt tired, aching in his bones from unfamiliar movements, but he’d made an acceptable draught. It shone the correct light green colour, smooth and clear apart from the bubbles of the soft simmering. A night of simmering and it would be ready for consumption in the morning.

Dan set the lid on the cauldron and switched on the safety settings, and then retrieved his phone before leaving his study for the night, closing the door softly beside him.

He didn’t check his messages until he was curled back up under his bedcovers, so it took him a moment to understand the context, but sure enough there were a few new texts from Phil Lester.

Phil (Spellcaster): I don’t know, it was interesting hearing you talk about it earlier. You have a way about you

Phil (Spellcaster): Sorry that’s probably a bit strange to read, I meant like you make it sound interesting when you talk about potions

Phil (Spellcaster): What I’m trying to say (badly) is I would quite like to hear you talking about potions actually. I’ll ramble to you about spells in return, how about that?

Dan arched a brow at the texts. It had been a long, long time since anyone had been interested in his ramblings – even PJ and Louise got a bit tired of his talking about potions, it was more of just a job to them, but for Dan, it had always been a passion. Or it used to be. That feeling had dwindled over the past few months.

But just then, in the study making the draught for tomorrow – Dan had felt something like that passion stirring again. Something good, something warm. Perhaps if administering the draught the next day went well, then… then maybe.

And maybe Phil would be someone he could talk to about it. Strange cloak and strange manner and Spellcaster habits and everything, Phil was… interesting. Talking to him had made Dan smile. That had to stand for something, right?

There was a funny feeling in his chest when he thought about Phil. Something a little tight, a little warm, and very unfamiliar.

Dan shook it away as best he could, and tried his best to sleep.

---

The next morning, the first thing Dan did was scurry down to his study to check on his potion. It was still happily bubbling away, still a good clear green colour, all the safety settings on properly. He put the fire out and carefully spooned the green draught into several jars, stoppering each one up with a cork lid to make sure it remained as preserved as possible.

It felt good. Seeing something he’d made again. Dan actually caught himself humming a few times as he went about his work, and grew quickly embarrassed, even though there was nobody around to hear him.

As he left his flat, potions kit with draught included safely tucked up under his arm, Dan found his thoughts drifting back to the strange Spellcaster he was working with on this case. Phil wasn’t really what Dan expected a Spellcaster to be. Most of them were stuffy, scholarly types, who always gave the impression they knew more than you, and could hardly deign to be in your presence.

Maybe Dan just hadn’t met the right kind before, but Phil was different. Phil cracked (awful) jokes, he behaved quite childishly, and he was silly. But maybe he’d be different today. They were on the job today, after all.

Dan caught the bus to the address of the apartment block that had been stricken by the imp, and as he walked up the street towards the building, something close to nerves were stuttering away in his stomach. He hadn’t actually arranged a place to meet Phil, beyond the building where they would be working. He wondered if he’d have to go in alone.

Thankfully, Phil was not difficult to spot. He was standing outside the building on the lookout for Dan, apparently, still dressed in a ridiculous cloak. Dan noticed with slight horror that it was a shade of green today, though, not the same blue as yesterday. That meant Phil owned more than one of that monstrosity.

Dan shook his head in despair.

Phil grinned, lifting one hand in a wave as Dan got close enough to talk to. “Hey! You made it, then.”

“I did,” Dan grumbled in return, and wondered why everything he said had to come out so monotone. He sounded… grey, next to Phil.

“Sorry about the early start,” Phil apologised, eyes creasing up a bit. “I was just worried about the people living here, I don’t want any more victims – oh, oh, you’ve got – your hair—”

And before Dan knew what was happening, Phil’s hand was cupping his cheek, lightly brushing at his forehead.

Dan blinked, eyes widening. His stomach jumped, tightening and then relaxing again, and he could feel the fluttering of his pulse in his throat. No one ever touched him quite like this.

Phil pulled away after a moment – too soon, Dan thought, ridiculously – and flicked a bit of fluff away. “Sorry. Some white in your hair, it made you look like you were greying.”

“Excuse you,” Dan said, when he found his voice again. “I’m too young and pretty to be going grey.”

“Definitely too pretty,” Phil agreed, and fail-winked at him with both eyes. It was ridiculously endearing.

Dan’s stomach did that weird jumping thing again.

“Anyway,” Phil said briskly, turning and gesturing theatrically towards the entrance of the building. “Shall we, partner?”

“Are you always this theatrical about everything?” Dan asked tiredly, but there was a hint of a smile playing at his lips. Phil’s actions were infectious. Dan was finding it difficult to stand near him and be miserable.

Phil shot him another bright grin. “Probably. Come on. We’ve got work to do.”

Dan gestured him ahead, giving an overly-theatrical bow, and Phil just laughed at him as he strode forward.

The apartment building was in a sorry state of disrepair. A good quarter of the windows were boarded up, and the paint on the corridor walls was scratched and peeling in several places. The staircase was narrow and winding, difficult to navigate, and the long corridors full of doors were dark and eerie. Phil had the numbers of apartments with people who had been taken ill by the imp’s magic, which Dan took off him, scanning quickly. Seven apartments in total, twelve inhabitants injured.

“I’ll still administer the draught to everyone,” Dan decided. “I’ll just go to these people first. But the whole building should take it, we don’t know who might have been affected and just not be showing any symptoms yet.”

“Sounds very sensible,” Phil agreed. “If it’s alright with you, I’ll tag along. I set defensive spells along where the imp broke in yesterday, but I could do with checking each individual flat for residues.”

“Sure,” Dan agreed, secretly very pleased that he wouldn’t have to face all these people alone. Plus, being in Phil’s presence somehow made everything feel more manageable.

The day went smoothly. Phil, it turned out, was an easy talker, and his winning manner and cheery grin had an instant effect on the occupants of the flats whose doors they knocked on. Phil would sit with them, each and every person living in this building, ask about their grandma’s health or their pet’s names, stroke their dogs and play with their children. The people seemed to take an instant liking to him.

Dan could see why, if he was honest. The more time he was spending around Phil, the more he realised that Phil was someone who set him at ease. The thoughts that tended to rush around Dan’s head settled with Phil, and whenever Phil shot him that grin, or a sidelong smirk, or threw his head back and laughed at something Dan said, Dan felt a little shot of something absurd spark through his chest.

He ignored it as best he could. It had been a long, long time since he’d felt any flutterings of the sort, and he wasn’t about to start feeling them for a co-worker he’d likely never see again after this job was over.

Dan wished he could borrow some of Phil’s easy manner, though. One of the sickest patients he had to deal with was a young girl, only seven years old, who was bedridden with the headaches and pains from the imp’s magic. He crouched by her bedside and clicked open his briefcase, reaching for a vial of the draught, unstoppering it carefully.

Unfortunately, the minute the girl caught sight of it, she started screaming.

Her father tried to help, but he lived alone with her and he was also stricken by the imp, his head sore and his body weak. He’d taken the draught as soon as Dan had given it to him, but it would take a few hours to begin to have an effect.

“I’m sorry,” Dan said helplessly to the screaming girl. “I don’t like taking medicine either. You know I still can’t swallow tablets?”

The girl just screamed louder.

Dan looked at her, his insides twisting. He had no idea how to handle this. He’d never been much good at this side of potion magic, much better suited to sitting in a study alone coming up with recipes than actually interacting with people to give the medicines to.

Phil, of course, swept in to the rescue.

He crouched down beside where Dan was sitting helplessly next to her bedside, leaning in a little closer. “Hey, now. This is a nice bed. Have you had it long?”

The girl blinked at him, hiccoughing.

“I think it’s a very nice bed,” Phil said encouragingly, knocking his elbow into Dan’s side, and almost sending Dan sideways in surprise. “Don’t you agree? I’m sure the scary man next to me agrees that your bed is nice.”

“I’m not scary,” Dan responded indignantly, and got another elbow to the ribs. He rubbed his side, glaring sidelong at Phil. “But, uh, yes, it’s a very nice bed.”

The girl snivelled.

“I think he’s scary,” Phil added in a conspiratorial whisper to the girl. “Dressed all in black like that, and holding out a scary green potion. Not nice, is it?”

Whimpering, the girl shook her head.

“But I’ll tell you what,” Phil added, “You know what defeats scary men?”

The girl shook her head, spellbound.

Phil beckoned her closer, and she craned her head as much as possible. He whispered, “Wizards. And you know what I am?”

The girl’s eyes widened. “A wizard?”

“Yep!” Phil nodded, and turned to Dan, waving his hands menacingly. “So don’t worry. I can fight this one off no problem, and then you can have the medicine from me, because I’m safe. Yes?”

The girl nodded, eyes still wide.

Dan was giving Phil a very unimpressed look, but Phil just tapped his nose and then stood up, almost matching Dan’s towering height. He lifted both hands and sort of wriggled them in Dan’s direction, mouthing ‘play along’.

Dan rolled his eyes, but held out the draught and clutched a hand to his chest, giving a theatrical scream.

“Begone, foul demon!” Phil proclaimed, and Dan took that as his cue to fall to the ground with another long scream, as dramatically as possible.

Phil leaned over and plucked the draught from his grip, and then turned to (presumably) give it to the girl.

Dan lay on the floor, staring speculatively up at the ceiling, and wondered just what his life had turned to.

Phil ended up having to drag him out of the flat by his wrists, which tugged rather uncomfortably on Dan’s elbows, who had to continue acting like he’d been knocked out for the sake of the little girl who had, eventually, taken her potion. Her father thanked them both profusely, and offered them a cup of tea if they were ever in the area again.

Once back out in the corridor, Dan got to his feet and brushed off his clothes, saying mildly, “Did you really have to call me a foul demon?”

“Sorry,” Phil apologised, though his wide grin didn’t look like he was much sorry. “Couldn’t think of any other way to help her.”

“I’m sure you could,” Dan grumbled, “But you did better than me, so. Can’t complain.”

Phil grinned at him again, and then took his wrist to drag him along to the stairs so they could get up to the next floor. “You still have to tell me what exactly is in that draught, by the way. I’ve never seen a potion look so smooth.”

Dan flushed a little. He could never take being complimented very well. “Oh. It’s, uh, not very complicated really.”

“whose recipes do you use?” Phil asked, hopping up the steps before him.

“Oh, I don’t.”

Phil stopped dead in the middle of the staircase, spinning to regard Dan with one brow arched. “You make your own recipes?”

“Erm.” Dan scratched at the back of his head, suddenly very unsure what to do with the feelings swimming around in his stomach from having Phil looking at him like that. “Yeah?”

Phil stayed looking at him, and then shook his head with a low whistle. “I mean, they said you were the best, but still.”

Dan’s lips twitched. He folded his arms awkwardly around his potions kit. “It’s not that impressive. Loads of potions masters do it.”

“Not like that,” Phil disagreed. “I know I said I don’t know much about chemistry, but I know enough magic to recognise a good potion when I see one. Your draught is so smooth, how do you do that.”

“I’ll show you at some point, if you like,” Dan said before he realised what he was saying. His eyes widened a little. “Uh, not that, like – you don’t have to spend more time with me, I just meant—”

“Would you really show me?” Phil interrupted, his whole expression brightening.

Dan shifted awkwardly, something getting stuck in his throat. He swallowed. “Uh. Yeah? I mean, if you really wanted – I kind of like making potions, and I haven’t done it in a really long time, but – yeah, I could show you.”

Phil beamed. “That’d be amazing. You never answered my text last night, I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for something like that.”

“Oh.” Dan realised, belatedly, that he still had Phil’s texts sitting on his phone in his pocket. “Sorry. I’m shit at replying to things.”

“That’s ok,” Phil answered benignly, still grinning. “I know I can be a bit much. I’d love to see what you do, though, if that really was ok.”

“Yeah, totally,” Dan agreed, wondering how he could say you’re not too much, you’re wonderful, without sounding strange. He coughed. “Maybe you could show me some of your stuff too, like, you know—” he trailed off, making a strange wiggly-arm motion in the air.

Phil laughed at him. “I’ll have to, if you think that’s what I do. You look like a windmill.”

“Excuse you,” Dan huffed, putting his arms down again quickly, embarrassed. “I was just repeating what you look like. You wander around the apartment waving your hands around while I administer actual helpful magic.”

“Rude,” Phil argued, turning to continue up the stairs, Dan trailing along in his wake. Phil’s ridiculous cloak was making it a little difficult not to trip, the staircase was really very narrow. “I’ll have you know I’m putting important defences in place.”

“Yes, well, you could maybe look a little less ridiculous about it,” Dan answered, but he was biting back a smile.

“I do not look ridiculous,” Phil muttered, huffing. “We can’t all look good in black.”

Dan felt his face flushing again. He looked away quickly, down at his all-black outfit, his black briefcase clutched against his chest. Quietly, almost too quietly to hear, he murmured, “Yes, well, I definitely couldn’t pull of a cloak like you do.”

If Phil heard him, he didn’t react. Dan couldn’t decide if was relieved or disappointed.

---

Getting through the rest of the apartment block took several hours, and by the end of it, Dan felt like a sweaty, disgusting mess. The lift in the building had been out of service for weeks, apparently, so they’d had to climb all eight floors of the building, and pop into every flat to check the defences and administer the draughts.

But, eventually, they were done, and Dan collapsed in the entrance foyer, his briefcase dropping by his side. He tipped his head back against the wall where he was sitting on the floor. “That’s it. I’m never moving again.”

“Agreed,” Phil panted from beside him, sprawled out, ungainly and uncaring about it. “That was my workout for the week. Month. Year.”

Dan chuckled from beside him. The ceiling was cracked, tiles a little loose. The whole place looked about a strong puff of wind away from falling down. He thought over the people they’d met, all the faces, everyone they had spoken to. Those people deserved something better than this.

“At least this building is protected from further imp attacks now,” Phil said from beside him, apparently on the same train of thought.

Dan turned to him, brow furrowing a little. “How did you do that?”

“Spellcasting,” Phil answered mysteriously, and grinned at him. “All the weird hand-waving I do has a purpose, you know.”

“No, I get it,” Dan agreed, shoving lightly at Phil’s side. “I meant, like. I never studied Spellcasting, it’s higher level than I went to. How does it work? Are you, like, bending reality, or what?”

“Not quite,” Phil chuckled. “It’s complicated.”

Dan’s face fell a little. “Spellcaster secrets?” He wouldn’t be surprised. Every other Spellcaster he’d ever encountered had been closed off and annoying, unwilling to let slip about anything beyond their magic. Dan shouldn’t be surprised if Phil was the same, didn’t know why he’d expected anything different, really.

“No,” Phil disagreed, reaching out to lay a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “It’s just complicated. I’ll show you when you show me your potions – or if we work together sometime, of course. I’d like that. A lot.”

Dan’s stomach did the funny jumping thing again. He swallowed, tension building in him. “Oh, uh. Yeah. Work. I don’t – I don’t actually do much of that.”

Phil tilted his head inquisitively.

Dan let out a breath. He pulled his knees up into his chest, wrapped his arms around them, wondered how exactly he go about explaining the pull in his chest at the thought of his office, the idea of doing more trips when the last one had gone… so very badly wrong.

Sure, this one had been ok, but that was largely down to Phil. Dan wouldn’t even have taken this job if it wasn’t for him, and for PJ’s insistence.

“They probably told you, anyway,” Dan mumbled, looking down at the floor, all too aware of Phil’s gaze trapped on him.

“Not much,” Phil answered gently. “Just that this was your first one in a while.”

Dan bit his lip. He didn’t need to elaborate, didn’t need to say anymore. But something about Phil was making him want to open up. Maybe it was Phil’s easy manner, maybe it was because he was exhausted after a long day. Or maybe it was because this job was the first thing that felt close to having fun Dan had experienced in a long time.

“My lost job,” Dan started, “It went bad. Very bad. Outbreak, but not imps, it was boggarts. Three. They occupied a hotel, so I went on a solo mission. Louise tried to come help me – my co-worker – but I insisted she didn’t need to, it involved a lot of travel and stuff. So anyway. I went off, only… it didn’t go to plan.”

“How bad?” Phil asked gently. His hand landed on Dan’s shoulder, jerking Dan for a moment. Phil sucked in a breath, but didn’t move his hand. “Sorry. You don’t have to say.”

“It wasn’t just boggarts,” Dan explained slowly, something tight in his chest winding up and up and up. “I could handle those fine, but. Then. I uncovered a faerie nest.”

Phil inhaled sharply.

“Yeah,” Dan responded wryly. There was a lump in his throat. “A lot of people died. They got in the street, the whole village had to be cordoned off in the end. My draughts weren’t made to combat faeries, and I didn’t have any ingredients with me, I was worse than useless. Since then I’ve just kind of. Floated. Not worked much.”

“Until today,” Phil said wonderingly.

“Until today,” Dan agreed, tone much more morose.

Silence settled over them for a moment. Phil’s hand was still heavy on Dan’s shoulder, Dan wondered if he’d forgotten it was there. He hoped Phil wouldn’t move it.

“I couldn’t tell,” Phil spoke up suddenly. “I mean, you’re so professional. And like I said, your potion looked incredible. Perfect texture, perfect colour, it even smelled appetising. I swear all the draughts I got given as a child tasted disgusting.”

“That’s just shoddy workmanship,” Dan disagreed. “Potions get bad press. They deserve to be beautiful, too.”

“They do,” Phil agreed softly.

Dan turned his head. Phil was looking directly at him.

Dan felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs. Phil’s eyes were tinged with just a hint of green, his expression soft, calm. Something was flickering in the depths of those eyes, something Dan felt echoing deep within his own chest.

It was suddenly very difficult to breathe.

Phil’s hand on Dan’s shoulder tightened, sliding down a little until it was wrapped around Dan’s arm. Dan’s own hand lifted involuntarily, gripping onto Phil’s knee where he was sitting beside Dan, just looking. Those flutterings inside Dan’s chest were turning into clangings, beating against the edge of his lungs, dancing around his abdomen. It had been a long, long time since he’d felt anything like this.

There was a noise from the stairwell. Something clattering down to the bottom, a piece of litter, meaningless, but it was enough to start them both out of whatever spell they’d fallen under. Dan’s hand retracted from Phil’s knee, Phil’s hand left Dan’s arm, but they stayed looking at each other.

Phil’s face relaxed into a smile. He ran one hand through his hair, laughing, pushing his glasses up his nose. “So. We’ll meet again. You’ll show me how you make fantastic potions, and I’ll teach you that Spellcasting isn’t all meaningless waving hands around everywhere.”

Dan snorted. “It’ll take a lot to prove that to me.” He appreciated it, though, what Phil was doing. Saying they’d meet again. Saying this wasn’t the end, somehow.

Phil shook his head. “I’ll show you, Dan Howell.” It was a statement, a promise, proving something to the future. They would meet again. This wouldn’t be the end.

Dan clambered up to his feet, offered Phil his hand. Phil didn’t let go once he was on his feet, not all the way out of the building until they were back on the street, where they’d met that morning.

Dan tucked his briefcase under his arm. Phil swung his cloak about his shoulders.

“I’ll see you again?” Dan said, meaning it as a statement. It came out as a question.

Phil flashed him another brilliant smile, attempted another fail-wink, just ended up blinking at him. “I’ll see you again.” When Phil said it, it was a statement.

Dan turned to go back to his flat, an ache in his chest as he walked away from Phil. But it didn’t feel like an ending.

No. If anything, it felt like a beginning.

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan fluff #iwritephanthings #phan fantasy AU

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followmetoyourdoom · 7 years ago

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Helpless // Chpt 5: Love Letters

Two weeks later I’m writing a letter nightly

Read it on ao3 or below:

Dear Princess Iris,

Your eyes put the sky to shame, the iris flowers feel blessed to share your name, and although you may not feel the same dear Iris, will you be my dame?

I know you're the Crown Princess so I hope I haven't offended you by referring to you as 'dame' but I needed it to rhyme. I really enjoyed our meeting, despite the unfortunate events that followed. I do hope you don't blame yourself for that, Mother was out of line bringing pure lonsdaleite to your coming of age ceremony. It was meant to be cut and polished in our kingdom and offered as a gift to your mother, the Queen, for her crown.

But I digress. We shouldn't focus on the bad. I hope you're doing as well as you can be and that my little poem at least made you chuckle, if nothing else. It made Praxina snort and shake her head when she read it over my shoulder. She always does that. The reading over my shoulder part, not the snorting part. Though she does that too sometimes.

I keep getting away from myself, sorry. Point is, I really like you Iris, and I'd be honoured if you'd reply to my poem/letter.

Yours truly,

Mephisto, Prince of Runic.

Dear Prince Mephisto,

I am not very good at poetry myself, but I am flattered by yours, slightly cheesy though it is. I too really enjoyed our meeting and chat. I admit, I have been struggling to not blame myself. Both my parents seem to, so why shouldn't I? My father insists I need more training and I must comply for he is right, I do indeed need to train more.

The Xerin Queen is still in recovery, apparently there was a complication with the blood transfusion, so I have been comforting Talia as best I can. It is nice that she does not blame me in the slightest.

Putting all that aside, I hope we can keep up a correspondence and am looking forward to your next letter with thrilling anticipation.

Yours truly,

Iris, Princess of Ephedia.

P.S. The lonsdaleite has yet to be found - I checked with my father just now. I am sure it would have been a powerful addition to my mother's crown, though I doubt she would accept it now. Bad karma and all that.

Dear Princess Iris,

Your letter makes my soul leap makes my heart beat. I see you in my dreams when I sleep my love is yours to keep.

I'm sure your poetry is a beautiful as your voice, sweet Iris. Alas I shall not push you to divulge your literary talents unless you're ready to do so, but I hope you're ready for a poem from me every letter. Unless it bothers you, then I'll stop.

Yes train more, but don't dwell on what went wrong. There's nothing you can do now except improve yourself and do better. That's what Father always says. Then again he also says that life is most enjoyable when you stop letting others tell you what to do, so take that with a grain of salt.

I'm glad Talia is such a good friend to you. Listen to her, she speaks the truth. And I hope her mother fully recovers soon.

Yours truly,

Prince Mephisto.

P.S. Understandable regarding adding it to the crown. Mother is quite frantic since she has yet to find the gemstone. She has even sent letters to Volta, Calix and Borealis! No replies yet.

Dear Prince Mephisto,

I am enthralled by each and every poem you write me, and maybe next time I shall try myself, but I assure you I cannot even dream of bettering yours. Please never stop writing your poetry; I do love it so. Which is perhaps not the only thing about you I am growing to love.

Your father has good advice. I have been training every day almost without pause. It is quite tiring, but such is the mantle of a Crown Princess. As for his second piece of advice, it is one I should perhaps start taking to heart, or one I would like to rather. But alas a Princess' duty is to her people, so I am afraid that I must listen to the wishes of my kingdom first and foremost above my own.

Oh, I promised Talia that I would mention in my next letter to you that she has taken an interest in your sister. She meant to talk to her herself, but alas what with the… unfortunate events that followed (as you so delicately put it a couple of letters back), it slipped from her mind.

Yours,

Iris.

P.S. Oh and please do keep me informed regarding the lonsdaleite. Auriana of Volta says she hasn't seen it around her kingdom.

Dear Iris,

Your heart is pure and true and mine belongs only to you. Until we meet again I will make it through if it's the last thing I do.

A poem of yours would set my heart aflame and nourish my very soul. It would be an honour to receive such delicately chosen words from you. Regarding love, my poetry says it all, my dear. There are so many things I love about you, so many things I am still falling in love with, and I know I will never stop falling for you.

Of course your kingdom is your priority, but surely there's still time to have to yourself between all the training and royal duties?

And yes I noticed Talia's interest in Prax, I tried telling her about it, but she just sighed and muttered 'yeah right'. I think she might need more proof, I shall try to drag her along next time we meet. Which I hope is soon.

Your sign off made my heart jump and I can only curse myself for not being the first to sign off in such a manner.

Yours,

Mephisto.

P.S. Still no sign of the lonsdaleite. None of the other kingdoms have reported seeing it either, it seems to have disappeared into thin air. Father says to give it up as a bad job, but Mother is not so easily swayed.

Dear Mephisto,

You think far too highly of me, my love. However, since you so desire it, I shall try my hand at poetry.

Eyes that feel like coming home, my heart yours and yours alone. This is a love I feel deep in my bones, nothing could be more set in stone.

I hope this meets your expectations, though it is but a sham next to yours of course.

Perhaps later on, once I have master control of my shanila power and reassured my people of the fact, maybe then I will have more time to myself. As it is, writing these letters is as much 'me time' as I get.

Oh, the Xerin Queen is now awake, so I'm afraid I haven't been able to talk to Talia recently regarding meeting your sister, but I have been assured both royals will remain here for at least another three days or so. Perhaps you and your family could come visit Ephedia some time soon?

Yours,

Iris.

P.S. I have told my father to increase searches for the lonsdaleite, both he and my mother are very determined to see it returned to its rightful owner.

Dear Iris,

You and your words flood my sense, your sentences leave me defenceless. You build me palaces out of prose you build me cathedrals

Oh my darling Iris, your talent knows no bounds. A sham it could never be, not when crafted by your very own penmanship. My expectations have been met, surpassed, and all around decimated by your amazing poetry. I can only hope I can measure up to such succulent poetic words.

I am sure you will grasp control of your shanila soon, especially when you are already so greatly talented. As it is, I am honoured that you would spend what little free time you get to yourself in order to write to me.

However, three days seems very soon, two days by the time this reaches you. I am not sure if I could find a reasonable excuse to come and visit you. Of course, I personally do not require an excuse, but rather your kingdom does - I'm sure you know how difficult it is to enter your kingdom outside of celebrations, even as a fellow royal it is near on impossible without a suitable reason.

Yours,

Mephisto.

P.S. My family and I are most grateful. Thank you.

Dear Mephisto,

I assure you I do not deserve such flattery, I merely spoke from the heart. Oh gosh if you could see my face now as I write this, and before as I read your letter.

I was… unaware it was so difficult to enter my realm. It is something I shall bring up to the council in our next meeting. Even if they do not agree to changing the policy straight away, they will eventually, once I am Queen.

For the time being however, what about a marriage proposal as a reason to visit my kingdom? Our love is true, you could put the idea of a union to my parents. They speak very fondly of you and constantly inquire about our letters. Bring Praxina if you do come to ask my mother for my hand in marriage, and of course, be ready to prove yourself. My mother is not an easy judge.

Your future wife?,

Iris.

P.S. I apologise if this is moving too quickly for you, but I long to have you in my arms again.

Dear Iris,

I can already see it now! An invitation to dance and a bow. You, my wife in my arms Me, your husband, fallen to your charms

Marriage! Of course yes! Admittedly, this is moving rather quickly, but I am more than happy, my love. I have informed both my parents and we are making plans to visit you as soon as possible.

Mother will be sending her own letter with full details, which should have already reached your kingdom by the time you are reading mine. Please do not reply to this letter as I shall be by your side shortly, thus your letter would arrive to an empty castle and what a waste of your sweet words that would be.

My future wife! The words feel like music to my ears, apologies but I cannot stop gushing over the title.

Your future husband,

Mephisto.

Iris sighed heavily and buried her face in her pillow, letter clutched in her hand.

"Oh, Amaru," she mumbled as she felt a weight settle onto her back, "what did I ever do to deserve the love of such an amazing prince."

Amaru purred comfortingly and nuzzled the back of Iris' head.

"I hate that I pushed for marriage so soon. But you know what my mother is like." Amaru made an understanding noise and hopped off Iris as she turned over and sat up, tugging her nightgown over her knees. "I only had three days left, what else was I going to do?"

The two weeks Iris had been given had been enough for Mephisto. But it was with a heavy heart that Iris ghosted her finger over the word 'husband'.

"I am not even sure I love him yet."

#Lolirock #iristo #boy howdy do i love writing this fic #again the next chapter is already finished #my writing

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sheporbust · 7 years ago

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A Summation of Experiences

My school requires students who study abroad to write a final report, collecting all their experiences and advice into one handy little package. I’ve been thinking of a good way to sum up my time in Bordeaux, and I think this is a good way to do it. It’s fairly long, so please read at your leisure, and if you have any questions feel free to ask them. This is just my experience and thoughts, it won’t be the same for everyone so please take it with a grain of salt. Some of the questions may format or look weird, partly because I’m taking it straight from the document.

1. Describe the city you lived in.

Bordeaux is a city that exhumes the idea of European culture. Statues, monuments, buildings hand crafted in stone decades ago, everywhere you turn is a new piece of art that is passed by as everyday life. While the city maintains much of it’s heritage, newer sections reflect a contemporary minimalist look, and art is spray painted across large stretches of walls. There are three things you will never be able to escape when you go to Bordeaux; cafés, hair-cutters (coiffures), and restaurants. The latter are filled almost every night, with Thursdays seen there as Fridays are seen here.

2. Describe the school and its surroundings.

INSEEC has 2 main campuses in Bordeaux, one that sits directly across from the Garonne River (Rive de Garonne) near the bridge Pont Jacques Chaban-Delmas, and another school nestled in a narrow alley way called Rue Raze (Raze Street) that is located further up the river in the south. Between the two campuses, they are about a 20-minute walk along the river, which lends itself to tourists and residents alike. The Rue Raze campus was where most classes took place for the Erasmus students, and it was a mix between the stone archways and rooms of the original building, and the updates and drywall needed to make it modern. Unfortunately, windows were not common in many classrooms, and their size was restricted, with small desks and poor ventilation making some class sessions a matter of comfort rather than learning. The other campus (called the Hanger, as it was part of a large outlet chain of connected stores) was a modern building that lost the charm of the stone work but gained larger class room size, windows, and a more comfortable atmosphere overall. Interestingly, still small desks.

3. Compare the student population with Camosun’s, e.g. number of students, student attitude, dress code, etc.

INSEEC is a private school, and while that usually lends a negative connotation in North American terms, in France it is a more open and common term. For France, Universities are paid for by the government either in full or a large part. This creates a large demand, especially with the French population having one of the highest birth rates in Europe (if not the highest) paired with a lack of current jobs. This is caused by 2 main factors; the first being that households more children pay less income tax, with 4 children meaning no income tax. The income tax itself is high, at about 45%. The second is that any employee hired will receive 2 years of full paid salary and benefits if they are terminated or the business goes bankrupt, by the employer. This makes turnaround for jobs very low, as well as lends itself to more strict hiring policies. This is all important because education there plays a larger roll for obtaining employment than it does here. Post-secondary education is looked at less as a learning environment as it is a networking opportunity, and this is where private institutions have focused their efforts. While there is still a learning requirement, with private schools you are paying for the network more than you are the degree. This is shown with the students, many of whom were no doubt from wealthier families as indicated by their clothing choices and emphasis on parties and events. During my 4 months at the school, there was no less than 12 events and parties that were advertised, with a table and cash box set up at the front of the school almost every week. Although I did not work directly with any French students, I was informed by many instructors that many students will write down what is written on power point slides and will not ask questions or dive deeper into a topic. This could be reinforced by the idea that in the classroom the teacher is a deity and that students are merely mortals lucky (and in this case wealthy) enough to be in their presence. A good example of this is the marking scale, which is from zero to twenty. Students will never get a 20, or a 19, and rarely an 18. In fact, 10 is a good grade, while 14-15 is outstanding. This is echoed all through all years of schooling, and the saying goes, “Twenty for God, 19 for the teacher, and the rest is for you”. While this took me a long time to wrap my head around, once an instructor had informed me that it is because no one is perfect things started to become clearer. The French do not look at their grading system as how well you performed for the specific course or class you are taking, but rather at the entirety of the subject. I am still unsure of how French students can cope with this, and perhaps it will elude me for eternity.

4. What on-campus resources are available to students e.g. library, gym, counselling services?

There is no on campus resources available. I did not see a library, there was no gym, counselling services were more offered by specific staff, but that was if they were not busy with their primary job (which they usually were), and the computer room offered small computers that, while loaded with Adobe Premiere and other intensive computer programs, where more for typing and browsing the web. In fact, many students used the computer room for their own computer use, which no doubt overpowered the mini-ATX desktops. The only resource I can think of apart from the computer room was the student lounge, which has table, chairs, a couch, a few microwaves, and a sink.

1. Did you have any difficulties during the application process? Please explain.

The application process was straightforward. The only concern was that it was “mandatory” to take all the classes, except for the 2 labelled optional, as well as it was “mandatory” to attend every class. I put mandatory in quotation marks because throughout the semester there were many students who did not attend every class, and some who even dropped a class altogether, with no notable repercussions seen or heard of. The biggest downside to making something mandatory and not having people attend was that group projects, which comprised for about 95% of all work, meant doing so with one or more less people.

2. When did you register for your classes? ☒ Prior to arrival ☐ Upon arrival

3. Describe the registration process:

Much of the registration process is done at Camosun, with several forms being completed in a slightly different way and submitted to INSEEC. At INSEEC, there was an emphasis that non-European students needed to get the mandatory EU health insurance and incidental insurance for the school. While the first is part of the student VISA requirements and easy to obtain, the second seemed almost impossible, unless you could open a bank account, which was a feat unto itself. Thankfully, both these things were, “mandatory”.

4. Were you required to get a visa? ☒ Yes ☐ No

a. If yes, what type of visa did you apply for? Describe the process, including time and cost.

I applied for a student VISA (3B), which allowed me to forego the cost of processing. The process was straightforward, with all the forms and directions set out on the French Embassy’s website. VISA are required to be submitted no more than 3 months in advance, and any errors will cost about 2 weeks time (1 week to get there, 1 week to get back), so my recommendation is to have the forms in order before the 3 months as processing can take a month or so.

1. Describe what classes and instructors were like and how it compares to Camosun, e.g. teaching style, workload, difficulty, teacher-student relationship, classroom dynamics, etc.

The French education system is famous for being poor. These aren’t my words, they are the words of several of the teachers there, and I think I can see why they would say that. Many of the courses had no structure; no syllabus, grading rubric, consistent or understandable time table (one class had a 5 week break in-between the next class, with 2 classes remaining). Structure was so bad that there was a teacher who did not know he had to prepare a final exam for us (much to our dismay as we then didn’t have any more classes with him, so we did not know what to study for), and one teacher was told there was a class of 20 students that would be attending and they needed a special topic on one expert in the field for the requirement of their home institution. What she got was 7 of us that didn’t need her to change her teaching material. The school even marked the seven of us who attended as being the ones who missed the class, as they didn’t think only seven students would show, not the other way around. The work load is laughable, with many “projects” not even being graded by the teacher. The hardest part comes near the end of the semester as many group projects come all due, and with several different groups of all the same students it becomes logistically troublesome. One of the most frustrating parts is that the instructors will not let you know what is graded, what is not graded, what they are looking for, or give you any feed back once an assignment has been submitted. All my projects, save about a handful, were given a grade and shown to me, with feedback non-existent. When asked how to improve without feedback, one instructor said that we would pick up the positive and negative points about what other students did and use that. I pointed out that if we didn’t know what was good or bad about our own, there was an unlikely chance that we would be able to figure that out about other students. This is a fundamental teaching style of INSEEC, which I described as digging a hole. The course is a small square of grass, what they teach you is all the top of that grass, but then they expect you to dig down on your own to gather more information and to learn more. In theory, this is good, but they will literally let you dig as much as you want, either in the confines of the original square plot or not. Where this runs into problems is that you can go into such depth and work extremely hard on something, and get a mediocre grade (even in French standards) and not know why. Some teachers even told me not to work so hard on it, in which I was awarded a 2/5 (one of the few grades I got back). The teacher-student relationship is hardly there, mostly due to the sporadic class schedule which has little rhyme or reason. Many times, I ran into teachers shocked that we were still at school, and many new teachers thought we were their first class, when we had been at school for months. Teachers at private schools tend to be almost on-call, with many of them working at several different schools. The best teachers I had were much more structured and presented their material extremely well. Unfortunately, these teachers were from North America, and the classes, save one, were mostly about culture and attitudes/belief systems, not marketing/business.

2. What advice do you have to help future students succeed academically at the host institution?

This is hard for me to answer, as I myself do not know if I have succeeded or not. If you have a year of Camosun under your belt then you need not worry. Show up to class, or don’t. Do a project, or not. Little seems to matter there, and some French students even said that Erasmus students are an instant pass. While I’m sceptical of this, I can say that the class projects cannot be worth more than the final exam.

1. Were there any additional fees you had to pay to the host institution? ☐ Yes ☒ No

a. If yes, please describe:

2. What was your average monthly budget?

Rent: €450.00 Food: €200.00

3. What budgeting advice do you have for future study abroad students, specifically ones that are going to this host institution?

Groceries are very cheap, the French believe that living should be a priority in terms of food, healthcare, housing, etc. Having said that, eating out and partying can be quite expensive. The average beer is about 5-6 Euros, so learn to drink wine with goes at around 3-4 Euros. Travel is also cheap, and much of Europe depends on apps to find cheap trains, flights, lodging, and cars to help keep costs down. For housing, ensure that you either have a contract (which can increase your rent by quite a bit, but helps you get deposits back and make sure everything is up to liveable standard) or use AirBnB. Ideally, you want to see the place before hand, but even if you use the unit for a month then move out or ask to stay longer, that’s the safest option. Rent will, most likely, be the largest of your budgeting portion, as there are no requirements for books or any real school supplies.

1. What transportation assistance, if any, did you receive when you arrived?

None. The school does not provide any tram pass, although there are usually student discounts for transportation services, however, they require a student card from INSEEC, which you may not get for some time.

1. Was there an orientation? ☒ Yes ☐ No

a. If yes, describe what it was like. Include activities, tips, and opinions.

The orientation was brief, going over who we were and where we were from, the school’s policies, and then a “mandatory” project due at the end of the week. My advice would be to not listen to anything they say that they say is mandatory, required, etc. INSEEC requires all students be part of a school club, which is good in theory, but results in many not caring. The student club that was supposed to be working with us was seemed more for their own gain, with trips planned and discussed among themselves and us being more asked if we wanted to tag along. In my opinion, anytime the school asks you for money for some event, no matter how fun it sounds, do not go. It rarely, if ever, goes as planned, assuming it is planned at all. There are no teacher oversight or involvement in clubs, they are, to the best of my knowledge, self-regulated.

2. Is there an international office? ☒ Yes ☐ No

3. Did you use any of the services offered by the international office? ☒ Yes ☐ No

a. If yes, please describe:

I tried discussing some problems that I was having with instructors, however, the office is more for putting people through the system than rectifying any problems or concerns. When there was a verbal confrontation between a teacher and myself, while they agreed it was more of a miscommunication, they said they would not be able to overrule the teacher’s actions (automatic failure of the course). If you have problems, the international office cannot and/or will not help.

1. What type of accommodation did you choose to live in?

a. ☒ Homestay ☐ Dormitory ☐ Off-campus

2. Describe the process of finding accommodation. Did you receive assistance? How much did you pay? What were important things that were included/excluded?

Other than scholarships, grants, and personal donations (please see my Tumblr blog for a list of the generous donors https://sheporbust.tumblr.com/, I did not receive any assistance. The school did provide some websites to help find accommodation, but the process is difficult and requires paperwork. In the end, I took a gamble and just paid cash to stay at a room with no questions (or deposit) asked. I lucked out, it was cheap (€450.00/mth) and nice enough for my purposes. Usually rent includes internet and all utilities, but sometimes internet is not included. Be sure to ask lots of questions.

3. What accommodation advice do you have for future exchange students planning on studying at this host institution?

Try to book with AirBnB or get a contract of some sort to help guarantee your deposit. If they are asking for more than a full month of deposit, it is probably a scam and they will not return it when you leave (citing that you broke something or caused damage). The French tend to communicate very directly (low context) so if you say something to upset them, they may have misunderstood that you did not mean it literally. Sometimes they can use this as an excuse to not return a deposit, saying that you refused to talk to them. Culturally, it is acceptable to lie about something just to get someone off your back. Don’t be offended if this happens, just keep talking to them and eventually they will fold.

1. How did you get around the city?

I walked mostly. Sometimes took the tram, and occasionally the bus.

2. Did you visit any other cities/countries during your exchange? ☐ Yes ☐ No

a. If yes, please describe where:

I visited Biarritz (South of Bordeaux on the Basque coast, near San Sebastián in Spain), Arcachon (a 30min train, 1 hour drive from Bordeaux to the West, South-West), and Lisbon, Portugal.

3. Do you have any recommendations and/or advice about travelling in the host country?

Travelling is very cheap in Europe, with many airlines providing round trips to other countries for around €100. I strongly suggest taking advantage of this and travelling to other countries, using AirBnB to find cheap accommodations.

1. Were there any health concerns in your host country that you think future students should be aware of?

If you have allergies/sensitivity/dietary restrictions to dairy, meat, and/or gluten, you may have some difficulty finding places to eat. Otherwise, nothing I can think of.

2. Did you feel safe in your host city/country? What are some safety concerns that you think future students should be aware of?

I personally felt safe. I have worked in some dangerous occupations in the past, and I didn’t think where I stayed was very dangerous. Some people had commented that I lived in the more dangerous part of Bordeaux, but I think that may just be a misconception because it was in government funded housing. Female students, however, did say that strangers would sometimes come up and try to pick them up. This never happened when I was around, probably for obvious reasons.

1. What were some cultural differences that you feel are important to know about?

There are some extreme cultural differences, ones that I did not expect to encounter and not ready for. There’s almost too many to list here, but I recommend considering Edward T. Hall, Fons Trompenaars, and Geert Hofstede to get a rough idea about French culture. Students worried about cultural differences and are wanting to know more are welcome to contact me and I can provide more information, but again, it is quite a bit.

a. Do you have recommendations on how to navigate these differences?

Patience is key, which is hard to have when so much effort needs to be put forward for something so small (not all the time, but sometimes). My best recommendation is honestly just to contact me, a lot of my difficulties were situations that needed to be pointed out by a professor, and I couldn’t make the connection until she told me it. Otherwise, Cross Culture Communication and Sociology were two key courses I took at INSEEC to help me with cultural differences, it was just a shame these were offered near the end of the semester, and one was optional.

2. How do you feel you were treated as a foreigner?

By the French population, very well. Most shop keeps and people were kind enough to not grimace as I butchered their language, and many were happy to speak English after I told them I know little French. Social and Extra-Curricular

1. What types of activities did you participate in outside of school? How did you get involved in this?

One of the students was an avid runner back in Belgium, and had started a running club while he was there. I was involved in this, as well as running on my own. The Erasmus students were always together, so if there was an event of some sort you would most likely hear about it.

1. Provide some advice to future exchange students. What did you learn? What did you wish you knew before you arrived?

I’ve learned some incredible things about Europe. Not just France, but a lot about Lithuania, Germany, Denmark, Belgium, Spain, Italy, Poland, and probably a host of other countries I’m forgetting. Unfortunately, I did not learn about international marketing as much as I had hoped, but I think this is because marketing, for the most part, if fairly the same in all countries, just with some tweaks, and I think Camosun does an excellent job as seeing international marketing as the future requirement and tailoring their classes accordingly. If you are going expecting to learn something, I doubt it will be in a classroom at INSEEC, but if you are open and ask lots of questions and listen to the other students, you will learn a plethora of knowledge about Europe. Hopefully, you will be able to use this to improve your own educational practices and future work experience.

2. Did the experience meet your expectations? Please describe.

In some ways yes, in others no. I was thinking that INSEEC would be more aligned with how Camosun operates and is structured. I was mistaken. But my goal was to learn about Europe, not about the classes offered, to which this was a resounding success. Unfortunately, INSEEC was not required to me for this, but the opportunity helped make this process easier.

If you would like to provide a testimonial about your exchange, please write 2-3 sentences here. Your testimonial may be used in publications, websites, blogs, etc.

If you are looking to learn about marketing or International marketing, INSEEC is not the school for you. If you are wanting to experience French culture, learn more about Europe, or just enjoy warm weather, this program is it. �Y��'Patience is key, which is hard to have when so much effort needs to be put forward for something so small (not all the time, but sometimes). My best recommendation is honestly just to contact me, a lot of my difficulties were situations that needed to be pointed out by a professor, and I couldn’t make the connection until she told me it. Otherwise, Cross Culture Communication and Sociology were two key courses I took at INSEEC to help me with cultural differences, it was just a shame these were offered near the end of the semester, and one was optional.

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yeskhanzadame11 · 5 years ago

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Natural Weight Loss and Fat Burning Advice to Change Your Life

Obesity is now a worldwide epidemic. USA is the most obese Country in the world, and my country, Australia, is quickly catching up with the states. Also, of even more concern is the growing number of obese children who are thinking that fast food is a normal way to eat.

I see it every day, and I used to see it in the mirror in the past, the fat rolls, the chubby fat skin, the fat faces, the big asses. Yes its not very nice, but if you are a realist like me, you will notice that most people you see are fat and over weight. Whilst it is there own choice and if they are happy I have no qualms with them being like that. However, obesity is not just visual thing. Obesity is killing the world with heart disease, diabetes and other illnesses stemming from having too much fat in your system.

Let me set one thing straight first. I don't like really skinny girls. I really appall the cat walk shows and the stuff they say to young girls how they are fat and look too chubby etc. etc. These people are extremists and I am not a fan of the fashion industry and what it does to young impressionable people all over the world. Recently there was a comment made on one of those "how to be a super model" shows here in Australia, they judge said something to the effect that the girl should look at herself in the mirror as she is clearly too fat. And the girl didn't even look overweight to me, I know they have to be anemic in the model industry, but this stuff makes me sick. Anyway, I'm getting away from what I was saying. I'm just stating that when I refer to 'overweight', 'obese', 'fat' people, I am referring to people that if they saw a Doctor, the Doctor would tell them that they should consider changing their diet as its harming their health. So please once again, realise that I am not advocating that everyone should be skinny and not eat anything!

A bit about myself, I am a middle aged guy, 36 years old. Large boned, I have found that I have always struggled with my weight and body image. I love the food like most people, and I am a vegetarian as well, did I say I love beer also? :-(.

After I hit 30 or so my body changed almost over night, and I noticed that weight was harder to keep off and went on quicker without much help! I guess when you eat badly over a period of time, it just adds up and before you know it a year or 2 or more and you will be obese if you don't watch yourself or unless you have one of those magical metabolisms that let you eat whatever you want. Unfortunately I have a slow metabolism, and I need to exercise a fair bit to lose the weight.

The year 2008 arrived and I woke up one morning and looked at the mirror and said to myself, I am not happy with the way I look and I am not happy about getting out of puff when I kick the footy with my son or run around with him. I made a conscious decision to change myself weight loss plans for girls . This is the key to making change in any part of your life, you have to take the first vital step, which is telling yourself you want to change, you will change and you are damn well going to change.

So anyway, I decided to join the gym as I have lifted some weights in earlier years and enjoyed it, I am big boned and I tend to gain muscle relatively easy so that's a good thing, always have to take the positives that you have been given. Over the years I have been on lots of different diets, but never stuck with t hem in the long term. I don't like the term diet and I don't like the mental damage it does to one that wants to lose weight. Diet conjures up all sorts of images of starving yourself on weird and ridiculous food combinations, it makes you think that you are going to put yourself through some sort of food boot camp and you can no longer eat the foods you enjoy eating.

Know what you eat

So I don't use the term diet, I use the term "healthy eating". Its about changing your diet thoughts and changing what you eat and the foods you eat. The harsh reality is if you are obese then you can no longer eat the same foods and live a sedentary life as this will not change your body at all.

The first thing you should do is become knowledgeable on the foods you eat and understand what good foods are and bad foods. Bad foods are foods that are high in saturated fats and sugars, and will do your body not much good at all. Foods that fall into this category are deep fried foods, candy, full fat ice cream, donuts, fast food burgers and fries, full sugar soda drinks, chocolate bars, you get the idea ok. Start to read the labels for the amount of fat in foods, you should aim at lower fat foods when you shop.

Weight loss and diet & exercise is a topic that I could sit here all week and discuss but instead I will be adding new articles when I have the time so you can come back and read the different weight loss and exercise articles when you have the time as well, theres only so many hours in the day and its hard to get everything done.

The good foods that you should be eating are fresh fruit and vegetables, lean meats, low fat dairy and whole grain carbohydrates.

That means fish, lean meats, wholegrain rice, pasta and breads. Low fat cheese, yogurt, & milk. Fresh fruit each and every day.

Organic foods are always better for you than standard foods, it means there are no nasty chemicals in the foods and if you can afford it I really encourage you to buy organic products, have a look next time you go to the supermarket.

Eat plenty of fruit each day, say 3 to 6 pieces of fruit each day. I know its a pain, but your body, your digestive system and your bowels will thank you for it. Have an apple, orange, a cup of tinned fruit salad (in natural juice), a banana, you get the idea.

Have snacks during the day. Its been proven that this increases your metabolism to burn calories faster. Have a morning snack of say an apple and some low fat crackers, a cup of low fat yogurt. In the afternoon have some low fat dip with some low fat wholegrain biscuits.

Fat Loss

Try to really cut down on your fat intake. Try only having a very small amount of butter on bread/toast, try some lower fat butter spreads. Use olive oil in your cooking and minimise this as well. Get a low fat grill like a George foreman one or whatever, this helps you cook low fat without even trying! Non stick cooking pans are great as you can put your food on there with some spray oil and it wont burn, try a lower heat with these pans though as they don't like high heat it damages the surface.

I know desserts are wonderful but try to limit these and try to choose low fat alternatives, check out the supermarket and look for low fat desserts, they are everywhere.

Exercise is a crucial part of your life changing weight loss plan. Start today and go for a brisk walk, it doesn't matter how far it is, just do it, get the walking shoes out and do it, its important to get the ball rolling ok.

Then walk each day, or at least 3 days a week. Make it fast enough so you get a bit out of puff, very slow walking is not beneficial to weight loss. 45 minutes is your goal to aim for at least 3 times a week, then increase if you really want to see results.

Join the gym or buy some cheap weights from a garage sale! Lifting weights is incredibly good for your body, doing the likes of "squats", "bench presses", "rows" will aid you in your weight loss journey. It doesn't matter what your age or sex, weights are a remarkable exercise for strengthening your whole body, working your muscles, increasing your metabolism so you can lose fat faster and burn calories quicker and quicker. Don't kill yourself though, start slow with a short weight lifting program and then as you gain confidence you can add extra exercises later. You can do all your exercise at the gym using the cross trainers and treadmills etc. I cant stress how important plain old walking is, so if you can add regular walking to your life your body will be so much better for it.

Don't stress if you don't have the funds for the gym (they are expensive) as you can do exercises at home, weights are cheap, lots of people buy them and don't use them so they are always for sale! There's a stack of exercises you can do that require no equipment. Crunches, situps, push ups, reverse crunches, ab workouts etc. can all be done with no equipment at all.

The best time to exercise is first thing in the morning, this is when you burn the most calories. This is excellent as you can get it out of the way at the same time and not have to worry about doing it for the rest of the day. The gyms are busy that time of the day though so maybe the morning walk is better option for you.

Take it easy at the start

One of the most important things to remember at the beginning of your weight loss journey is not to go into it too hard core. You will burn yourself out really fast and not want to do it ever again. Start regular walking, regular exercises. Change the way you eat, and what you eat. Start to eliminate fries and bad foods from your diet. If its too drastic at the start, then start reducing these foods each week and you will still notice weight loss as long as you are exercising and reducing your food intake. Keep a journal and write down when you start your weight loss regime, write down what you eat, what exercise you do and put down everything you eat, this is very important.

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