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serenityseventeen · 3 years ago

Text

DK (이석민):

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“Star (3)”

synopsis: Seokmin has returned to the castle alone and locked into a cell for two weeks, where he gets the time to think about you and life. However, after those two weeks of being held in a cell, the first thing he does is escape the castle again, going off to find you.

parts: 1 - “Star” | 2 - “Star (2)” | 3 - “Star (3)”

warnings: injuries/wounds, blood, witholding someone in a cell, and butterflies and horses(?)

genre: royal!au, romance

characters: prince!seokmin x peasant!reader, ft. prince!seventeen members

word count: around 5k

a/n: happy birthday to seungkwan and sungjin again!!! this part ended up a bit longer than I thought and all of the parts of this fic would amount to around 10k; I didn't know if I should have added more (like more fluff) at the end... + kdrama update: I am watching 'the one and only' (it's so gooood the chemistry is off the charts and of course kim! kyeong! nam!!!!) and 'bad and crazy'!!!

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“I need to go out there again.”

Mr. Kim's eyes widened in surprise. He couldn't allow the prince to go out there again. Word of his escape had reached many kingdoms across the world already. Of he went out again, it would not be good for the prince, even if his intentions were not bad.

“I'm sorry, your majesty, but the king has made it clear that you shall never sneak out again. However, I do have to thank you for not exposing the secret tunnel, for if you did, I would never be able to see my wife and son.” Mr. Kim smoothed the prince's white shirt.

“You don't need to thank me. I'm the one who needs to thank you for letting me use the passage...” Seokmin was feeling guilty for having his most trusted servant, who was like a friend, go through hard times because of him.

After Seokmin returned to the kingdom on his own, Mr. Kim was put into confinement for a few days as punishment for not watching the prince well enough and allowing him to escape. Less than 4 days later, he was released because Seokmin told the king bravely for the millionth time that he'd take full responsibility.

That's how Seokmin got locked up for two weeks that went by like a year.

When he was locked up, he finally realized that the scenario he was in (being locked up) was the best he could get at if he wanted to feel what it was like to live like you.

The king found it too hard to watch his son being behind bars. The original punishment would be to have food portions and clothing reduced, have hands bound by chains, and ankles strapped to the bed. Seokmin wanted to know the worse of it; that was the only way he could think of to be able to understand you. However, the king always insisted on only having his leg bound; Seokmin was still given nice meals and sufficient clothing.

While in the cold stone prison underground with barely any light flowing in and only a small window the size of his head, Seokmin thought a lot about you. As the winter days passed he found his heart aching, maybe missing that short time he spent with you. He was eager to go out again, even if he was barefoot. He wanted to see if you were still living in that barely warm enough, tiny shack in the middle of the woods. He wondered if you were still stealing bread to survive. He wanted to see you again. Despite the time having been short, there was a small spark inside his chest from the memories that aroused the desire of wanting to see you again. Most of all, he wanted to ask why you didn't come with him to turn him in.

To fight the boredom inside the cell, Seokmin sang songs. He would make up lyrics about his wretching heart, about the poverty he witnessed, about the person he met while out there, about love.

Some days, his singing would echo through the castle and his younger brother, Seungkwan, would make his way down to sing a duet. Some days, Seungkwan would invite Jihoon, Jisoo, and Jeonghan to come along and sing as well. The five singing brothers would make songs in secret and sing happily, with smiles spread across their faces, without the king knowing.

On the day before his release, the king came to visit him in his lonely prison that smelled only of stone.

“Seokmin,” the king said, his voice gentle. “How did you escape without Mr. Kim knowing?”

“I stole his son's clothes and climbed over the grape vines at the back of the castle. I gave him one of the sleeping pills I acquired from the doctor when he came to visit Seungcheol. He fell asleep and I left.” The story was packed with lies.

“Okay, then why did you leave the castle while knowing the dangers out there? What made you think you should?”

“I realized one day that I don't see enough of the kingdom I am a prince of. I wanted to see the world and what it's like. Venturing with Seungcheol on horses only gave me a glimpse.”

The king stayed quiet so the son continued.

“Do you know what kind of world you're ruling?” Seokmin turned to his father and glared at him daringly. The king was surprised to find his son's new nature but at the same time, he wasn't. “There are people out there who are barely living lives. We have this whole kingdom filled with flourish yet while out there, can you guess what I saw and experienced, dad?”

Another bit of silence passed by.

“I saw them. They were poor. Not only that but because they were poor, everyone immediately assumed they were bad people, and they have no choice but to be bad. They barely have any to eat, the place they sleep is colder than this cell!” For the first time, Seokmin had exploded in anger in front of his father. “This is the world you have been keeping from us!”

“Seokmin, you are too naive,” The king said simply. “What do you think you saw? A piece of your kingdom or your whole kingdom?”

The king let out a sigh and pressed his face against the iron bars that seperated him and his son. Seokmin was sitting on the bed, his anger dissipated.

“What I, as a king need to do is focus on the majority of people, do you get that? There will be people who are unfortunate, that's just how life is, a balance between lucky and unlucky. Do you know why people die?”

“‘To bring equality to life,’” Seokmin recited. He remembered that line well because that was what his father always said.

“Among the rich, there is also poor. There is simply nothing you can do about it. Some people are born poor and some make mistakes in life and become poor, just like how some people are rich and some become rich. Are you going to show sympathy for every peasant in your kingdom?” The king placed one hand on the bars of iron. “I told you, a king does not need love but he can't have hatred. A king does not need to be generous and sympathetic but he should be feared and wise. You are not fit for a king.”

“I don't care about being a king,” Seokmin snapped, getting up from the bed with his fists tightly closed. “I don't want to become one. I know I'm not someone who is fit for it. I just know that I don't want my kingdom scattered and innocent people being looked down on just because of their class. You can be a ruthless soul but I cannot because I have a heart. I just want to help those people. When I do, I know I'll be a better person than the king who overlooks it.”

The king just shook his head and with his hands brought behind his back, he quietly turned away from the cell. There was no guilt anymore for he had seen it from the beginning.

It was hard to be a king but it was even harder in the beginning.

Seokmin felt bad for Mr. Kim. He felt that he was putting Mr. Kim in danger but he had to get back out there. He didn't want to be trapped in his own home anymore. He wanted to see you too.

So, when Mr. Kim fell asleep, Seokmin did not hesitate to leave. He changed into a fresh pair of silky clothing and grabbed a backpack, packing clothing, new shoes, a first-aid kit, food from the kitchen, and money. He didn't really know what he was doing anymore and why he was doing it but there was just a calling or a ringing, inside his chest, asking for him to pick up.

It was dawn when he left through the secret passageway. He emerged from the ground and he could see the bricks of the townhouses. Seokmin made his way over there and tried to trace his steps from 2 weeks ago. If there was any place he'd find you, it'd be the shack.

The sun was rising beautifully, painting red across the sky as Seokmin walked through the park with the cobblestone bridge and river of koi fish. He recalled the memories he made with you and that made his heart flutter, his hands grip onto the straps of his backpack, and his mouth grin shyly.

After passing a field of green, he was approaching the rocks that blocked the river water passage. He hadn't reached the location yet but remembered hopping upon each one like a frog, skipping on the stones with you.

When he passed the flower fields and came across the gigantic rocks, he smiled. It was you, swinging your feet back and forth, the back of your heel hitting the stone and then the tip of your old raggedy shoes getting drenched. You were humming.

“Y/N,” Seokmin called out. His heart was racing, just the sight of you made him want to go crazy and run around the fields like a loose puppy. He had been waiting for this moment when you two would see each other again.

He took a few more steps but your voice snapping caught him off guard. “Stop, don't come.”

“What?” Seokmin wondered out loud. For the first time in 2 weeks, he escaped and managed to find you again but the first thing you said was for him to not approach you? Of course, Seokmin knew that you probably weren't aware of his feelings, but still, he felt a bit disappointed. “W-Why?”

“Just because.”

When Seokmin returned to the castle by himself, you stayed at the shack, deep in thought. Though getting the reward would have made your life much easier, you couldn't find the bravery to accept the offer, which was ridiculous because you had always been known for your bravery. It was something hard to explain.

As days passed by, Seokmin never returned. You never heard or saw him but at times you'd catch wind of gossip and overheard from the silk weavers that he was placed in a large cell. You felt bad for him while not knowing why.

You felt regret for not taking the money too but it was like convincing yourself you lied when you told the truth. If the choice was given again, you knew deep down that no matter how much you needed the money, you wouldn't take it.

The stash of food stolen from peasants was growing low. As the winter days grew colder, it was much harder to find food while your body grew numb and closer to freezing. There was always one place warm with food; the bakery.

You got a few loaves, enough for the young children for a few days, even if it costed a slash on your arm and deep scratch on your cheek. Your brother could not steal from the hospital and no one had the money to pay for bills. Out of luck, his four fingers wrapped a cloth around your arm and face. It was quite uncomfortable.

You spent many days waking up at dawn. You didn't quite know why. Some days it'd be midnight rising and some days it would be dawn sleeping. You just kept thinking early in the dawn or late into the night about life, about peasants, about the kingdom, the king, and his 8th son, Seokmin.

You didn't expect to see or hear Seokmin, a prince, again. When he did show up, it was when you had an ugly and prominent cut across your face and bleeding arm that was too numb for stinging pain. You didn't want him to see you even if you badly wanted to turn to face him and look into those glittery puppy eyes and catch his lovely smile again.

“Is something wrong?” Seokmin asked after a moment of silence with only the sound of river running passing through. “I came because I—I wanted to see you. I also wanted to know more... about your world. I also have a lot of things I wanted to tell and ask you.”

You smiled. Hearing his voice was like listening to a comforting melody. “Why would you though? There's nothing here to see.”

“No, there is. You showed me so many things the last time we met and I want to know more. I want to know how I can help and what I can do for you.” Seokmin took a step forward and inch by inch, he was getting closer to you without you knowing. You just continued to stare blankly at the river that seemed endless looking like you were about to cry.

“You know, after meeting you that day and having you disappear for two weeks, I thought I'd forget about you already. I thought that meeting you wasn't that big of a deal but every day and night, I kept thinking about you—your life and mine,” You didn't know why the tells were welling. “I really can't understand anything.”

Seokmin had closed the distance while you buried yourself in your hands. His heart was drumming, not with flutters, but with ache.

“I just want to know why, what did I do to deserve such a life as this when everyone is living perfectly fine? I've tried before, to get a job, work and learn, but they all said the same thing: ‘you bring bad luck’, ‘the customers don't like you’, ‘you don't know how to do anything right, must be because you're a peasant’.”

Your words were muffled and for the first time, you could feel the pain in your arm as your raised it to cover your eyes. Seokmin had sat down next to you, on the big cold gray rock.

“I'm sorry for all that you had to go through,” Seokmin said quietly. “I want to change it. I want to know how to effectively change your life and the people who depend on you and that shack. My dad isn't giving in to any of it though.”

“It's not his fault,” You continued, sniffling as the tears dried against your palm, letting out a soft groan of pain. “It's just how the world is.”

When your face emerged from your palms, you could see his feet, dangling next to yours. His pants were of fabric you'd never seen before. His shoes were leather and neat and shiny.

Your eyes traveled to his shirt, white without creases, his sleeves folded to his elbows, decorated with buttons down the middle. Inside wasn't a feeling of envy, you just felt terrible inside, wondering what it'd feel like if you could see your brother wear something like that; so graceful, matching his figure.

Eventually, your eyes went from his neck, chin, lips, nose, and eyes, where your gazes locked. His eyes were shimmering a golden brown in the sunrise but without it would be brown like chestnuts.

Seokmin's eyes darted away after a few seconds. He shrieked with panic after seeing the scratch on your face that had yet to be fully healed. Your arm had cold blood trickling down to your fingertips.

“Y/N!” He grabbed your face gently with his warm and soft hands, his caring touch and warmth spreading all throughout your body. You felt the strength to smile. “Are you okay?”

You nodded and proceeded to explain that it was just a small scratch from the baker. “Even if I die, I can't let the kids die. Even if they grow up with no progress in becoming something more than a peasant, like me, I know one day at least one of their worlds will be changed. That's like saving a soul.”

His thumb caressed your cheek and his eyes were sad with tears. You were slightly confused as to why he was beginning to cry.

The blood soaked into your shirt and Seokmin had to notice it. He didn't scold you or anything, just, while holding your hand, took out a white box from his backpack and told you to stay still. He applied cleaned the wound on your arm, applied ointment on it, and bandaged it, all while crying softly.

You had to wipe his tears from time to time.

After he finished treating your wounds, he closed the box and put it away, saying quickly, “I knew I should have brought this first-aid kit.”

Seeing those drops of water come from his eyes made you feel like your heart had been stabbed deeply.

He pulled you into a warm, tight hug, whispering about how glad he was to see you again. It had been a while since someone hugged you that hard, like they were never going to let go.

It was a different kind of pain, seeing Seokmin cry.

Seokmin wanted to know your favorite place in the world so you took him to the butterfly haven. A luxurious field of only nearly dead dandelions, a few trees, grass, and tons and tons of butterflies. You could see the butterflies from far away, they swarmed the field like bees in a hive. The place was popular on weekends but not on weekdays, the walk to get there was way too long.

“Why do you like this place?” Seokmin asked, while picking a dandelion. The fragile butterflies fluttered their wings, flying from one side to the opposite, circling around flowers and the two of you.

“It's the prettiest thing I've ever seen.” You replied with a smile, trying to refrain from scratching your arm wound. “I don't see many beautiful things. It's also one of those places that continue to bloom instead of dying. It's already the beginning of winter but look at these dandelions and butterflies.”

Seokmin smiled while seeing you smile. It was crazy because butterflies should have already began migration.

“You know, there's something crazy about how we're looking at each other right now,” Seokmin said out of the blue. Your eyes were on each other.

“What's crazy about it?” You asked.

“I don't know how to say.” He looked away.

You laughed and the two of you leaned against one of the smaller trees, looking at the butterflies. You told him stories of your childhood and he laughed along to your humor. Seokmin told you about the lack of butterflies in the castle, that only a few would fly above the wall and wander around for a bit during the floral season.

Gazing at clouds was a new kind of activity for Seokmin. You told him that you often would stare into the sky and test your imagination, trying to figure out what each unique and absurd cloud shape could be if it were an object. Seokmin also found that activity fun.

Maybe everything with you was fun, especially when you were looking at him, making him feel free like a soaring eagle, and happy.

You introduced Seokmin to a game that the peasants played whenever they were bored. The children of the shack taught you it. It was a simple game; pluck a leaf from a tree and try to break it into as many pieces as you could. Seokmin found the game frustrating as the pieces he broke off of the leaf would blow with the wind. He lost every game and applauded the children for playing such a game.

Seokmin had packed food inside his backpack and said he wanted to share it with you. You refused at first but eventually caved in. It was the best meal you've ever had, or rather, the first meal you've ever had. There were side dishes, rice, and a main dish. You felt the urge to devour it all but decided not to because you wanted to share.

“I think this is the least prince-like I've been,” Seokmin said as you two watched the sun disappear behind a hill. It was kind of hard to believe you two spent your entire day walking and in a dandelion field of butterflies. “I really love it.”

“What do you mean by ‘prince-like’?” You asked.

The two of you were crisscrossed, sitting on the grass.

“Elegant, brave, intelligent, and obeying but also strong enough to make their own decisions.”

“I think you're like a prince,” You smiled at him and Seokmin smiled back at you. “But most of all, you just remind me of a human.”

“Of course,” Seokmin wanted to hold your hand but decided against it. “I am a human.”

“Do you have a dream?” You asked suddenly, plucking a dandelion. They always looked so furry and like little white pom poms but the one you picked was slightly brown and more crunchy than soft.

“I want to sing.”

“Then sing for me.”

That's how you met the voice of heaven from the mouth of an angel.

After finding out that Seokmin had left, Mr. Kim reported it to military leader Seungcheol, who informed the king. Seungcheol advised a search for the runaway prince.

“It's only been two weeks since Seokmin's first runaway,” Seungcheol said, looking up at his father who was sitting on the diamond throne. “He can be in grave danger. Seokmin is not well knowledgeable regarding the area and he can easily pass the border into the kingdom of Ruqy or Mez.”

“Seungcheol-ah,” his father began, his fingers tapping on the chair of the throne. “What do you think I should do regarding the peasants? It's not a large problem yet but I don't want it to be one in the future. As the oldest son, what do you think we, the kingdom, should do?”

Seungcheol stayed quiet for a minute. “I talked to Wonwoo about this. He said that ‘a king who neglects a fraction of his kingdom is not a king... the generosity and will of giving is a future threat as it is impossible to do and be perfectly both, thus, one shall never be too kind’.”

The king smiled fatherly at his son but did not say anything further until his sigh broke the silence.

“Let's find Seokmin. I want to talk to him.”

Walking back to the shack was going to take a while considering the time you and Seokmin departed the butterfly haven. It was already dark but thankfully, the path was lit by tall street lamps.

Seokmin said that his brother, Jisoo, who recently came back from dealing with an overseas alliance, was the one who suggested lighting up singular dirt paths like the one you two were walking on; he even made the design for the street lamp.

“I know it's a bit late to say this,” You said quietly, your feet and his rubbing against the dirt pavement. “But I'm sorry for what I said two weeks ago, before you told me to turn you in. It's crazy, we've technically only known each other for two days, but I feel such a large connection with you.”

“My brother Myungho told me that if you think about someone a lot and they're on your mind often, it feels like you spent time with them when you were just reminiscing,” Seokmin said. The mention of his brothers made him faintly smile. He loved his brothers with all of his heart but he felt bad for escaping the castle and hiding within his own kingdom.

“I guess—well, I did think about you a lot if I'm honest.”

“I thought about you too,” Seokmin tried to say it confidently but ended up getting embarrassed and shy. He hit himself at the side of his head and looked down as his ears turned bright red like a strawberry.

“Look,” you said quietly, coming to a stop in the middle of the empty dirt path. Your head turned to face the sky, you smiled, seeing the millions of stars brightening up the black. “Look at the stars, Seokmin.”

Seokmin lifted his head and was amazed when he saw the stars. They were just simply dazzling, each one of them.

“Now, I suddenly feel the want to make a wish.”

Seokmin smiled and turned to see you already with your eyes closed.

“Then, let's make a wish.”

He didn't look at the stars nor put his hands in a praying gesture. He just couldn't take his eyes off you. The only wishes he could come up with did not include singing or his kingdom. His mind just kept repeating one wish inside his head, ‘Y/N, Y/N, Y/N’.

“Seokmin, what did you wish for?” You asked, opening your eyes slowly. You didn't stop looking at the stars though.

“How about you go first?”

“To sleep better. For the past two weeks, my sleep schedule has been fucked up. Now, how about you?” The wind gave a slight chill.

“I don't know,” Seokmin replied honestly. At that answer, you turned to him with an amused and attractive half-smile. “I just kept thinking of how beautiful you look.”

“Seokmin—”

“I really like it when you call my name. The only people who do that are my brothers and my parents.”

You chuckled and looked at him in the eyes. “We've known each other for two days.”

“Yeah,” Seokmin grinned, his smile so dreamy that it made your heart melt. Your heart could only jump afterwards because Seokmin continued and said, “but we've been thinking about each other for two weeks.”

“I like that you've become more confident, you barely stutter anymore.”

“I also like that you smile a lot more,” Seokmin said, smiling with his hands shyly on his backpack straps.

Both of you laughed as each star in the sky twinkled.

Seokmin had never seen anyone shine as bright as you.

“Seokmin hyung! It's you, isn't it!?” The calling was from the side of the dirt path the two of you were heading. It was Chan's voice.

The clicking sound of horse hooves grew cleared and Seokmin knew he wasn't going to run away. You just watched in awe as the horse grew closer. It was Seokmin's horse that Chan was riding on.

“Chan...” Seokmin let out very quietly.

“So you were here! And you're with—” Chan stopped his sentence and hopped off his horse. There were three other soldiers on horses that followed behind Chan. “Dad wants to talk to you. Please stop leaving home without any notice, we were all so worried about you!”

Seokmin apologized quietly but quickly glanced at you, who was just staring back at Seokmin.

“Hurry, get on your horse,” Chan said, mumbling how much he was worried for his brother.

“Wait,” Seokmin said slowly. “This is Y/N and I'm taking them too. It's a long way back, you see.”

Chan nodded in agreement and quickly swapped places with one of the soldiers as they joined a different soldier. You were reluctant to get on the horse but Seokmin assured you that it was his horse who knew him better than any other animal.

You took his backpack around your back, took his hand, and boarded the horse and wrapped your arms around his waist hesitantly.

“It'll be a bit weird at first, but don't worry, I'll try to make it a comfortable jog.”

The king was smiling when Seokmin entered the throne room.

“Who did you bring with you?”

“The person who showed me the world,” Seokmin smiled at his father for a short second. He was in a surprisingly great mood but knew that he also did something bad. “I'm sorry for leaving the kingdom again.”

“No, it's fine, I just wanted to talk,” Seokmin's father said with a smile. The king was also in a surprisingly great mood. “You do know that I became the king of Svuentin at age 17, right, son?”

Seokmin nodded.

“At 17, I was still like a kid inside but I was forced to be mature. I had to take care of my kingdom. Anybody could have killed me, I was just a kid. I learned to fight, read, and learned from textbooks. I was focused on being a good king by learning to be good at everything; nobody could possibly hate me if I were a perfectionist.”

Seokmin's father took a quick sip of water from an expensive mug.

“That is not the way for me to rule. I, thankfully, recognized the faults in my kingdom. The fault was not just me but my people, they were uncontrollable. Some babies were born without enough milk or warmth during the winters but some were born with so much milk they grow chubby, so much warmth they grow sick of it. Seokmin, my son, you reminded me so much of myself, you know that?”

Seokmin blinked. His hands were clasped together respectively. He was drawn into his father's story.

“And of course, it's not easy being a king. I realized that there were people who didn't get enough though they deserved more and people who got too much yet didn't deserve that much. I tried to change it and I had a few ideas; build houses for them and give them money; give them food and offer them a job in the army...”

The king paused. “I wanted to help them in any way that I could. I was guilty, as a king, because a part of me knew that my people were not living nice lives and that I was partially responsible for it. I was feeling pity because I couldn't do anything effective. In the end, I just avoided it. When it did come up again, I let it go.”

Seokmin wanted to talk but found himself silenced, also wanting to hear more.

“Do you know what your grandfather told me?” The king sighed. “that a good king will be good because of their length of rule. But, I don't think that's true. For the past 50 years I have been king, I just simply kept our world going, but does that make me a good king? That's why I am going to change and relieve my guilt with the help of you, my son.”

Seokmin found himself smiling.

“I'll open free schools and libraries. I'll tell people the consequences of beating other people, no matter what class. I'll try my best to include that part of my society that was segregated. I'm going to try again to fix the problem. That's alI have to confess to you, son.”

Seokmin walked closer to the throne with a slight smile, his eyes down.

“I have something to confess too,” Seokmin said quietly. “the person I brought with me... I think I—”

“If you're worried about the arranged marriage I was going to have you do, don't worry about it.”

“What?”

The king chuckled at his flustered son. “That's right, though I'm not sure you were aware. I was going to have you marry the princess that Jisoo met overseas, but I think the doctor should be done treating your person. Their arm wound was pretty harsh. Why don't you go take a look?”

“R-really?” At this, Seokmin was gleefully smiling.

“Yes, punk. 12 out of 13 times arranged marriages don't work anyway.”

54 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years ago

Text

No Body, No Crime ✁ 1

AU - Y/N L/N is a second-year law student attending Stanford and studying under Professor Aaron Hotchner. Along with his associate attorneys, Ms. L/N is alongside some of the most ambitious and cutthroat law students in the nation. However, her life gets flipped upside down as she’s thrust into a life of murder, sex and lies.

Main Pairing: Spencer Reid x [F]Reader

Content — Mature themes, blood, major and minor character death, violence, angst, triggering themes, bad coping mechanisms, drugs, mental health shit, alcoholism, lots of smut, language, fluff, mystery, thriller, mentions of cheating, canonical typical themes , dark academia vibes, explicit content - read with caution

DISCLAIMER: This story will contain MATURE content. It will include themes such as smut, violence, etc (see content). If you are not 18+ and unable to handle such themes, respectfully, please exit this story. It is not my intention to make readers uncomfortable or trigger them in any way. If you continue to read the story despite the multiple warnings, I am not responsible for any triggers that may pop up.

Also, based off this blurb!

I am also not a law student, so there is bound to be misinformation!

【 ao3 | Masterlist | Playlist 】

CHAPTER 1: Death and All His Friends

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Blood, she thinks, you never really know how much blood is in a person. Logically, she did know; she had to learn how many pints there were in the human body from med school and the mass amount of profile study cases. From looking at crime scenes, reading textbooks, medical journals and fake charts; blood has never bothered her, if anything, she got used to seeing and being around it.

There are roughly about ten gallons of blood in the average adult, but typically, losing more than forty percent will result in death. That was about two thousand millilitres.

But, you never realize just how much blood a person can hold, not until a human is slaughtered like an animal, eyes glossed over, body turned cold and stiff — splayed out in front of you. It seems like a lot more than what was described.

There’s a saying, bleed like a pig. Well, she understood what it meant now.

God, she sounded like Spencer.

“What are we going to do with the body?”

“Let’s leave it. We need to go back and clean!”

“No, let’s bury it.”

A chuckle of utter disbelief forces its way out of Derek’s mouth in a rush. It’s both strained and ragged and sounds as if he’s about to burst into tears, but the shock and anger seem to immerse deep in his bones and control his actions. His head shakes subconsciously, “You’re — you’re fucking joking, right? It’s the middle of winter! Tell me how the fuck we’re going to bury a body when the soil’s hard?!”

There’s a collective panicked sigh that goes through the group as the implications finally start to settle in.

“Be any louder!” Emily half-shouts. She paces back and forth, the freshly fallen snow crunches under her shoes as they leave footprints in their wake. Her hands make extravagant hand movements, almost in an attempt to speak with her actions. But, the only thing that has Y/N somewhat grounded is the rusty blood on Emily’s hands. The stark contrast of her pale skin against the deep red does nothing but make bile rush to her throat.

“The body is what gets us caught!” JJ cuts in through her half-sobs.

“The one time it snows in California! Since when do we get snow?!”

Sticky, cold, dry, flakey blood. It brings too much attention to the blood painting her body in a cruel, evil painting. Y/N lifts a shaky hand as she turns to observe the way the pads of her fingers were stained red. Underneath her fingernails, she can see the blood caking, dried underneath and can feel the heavy liquid travelling up her sleeve.

Her fingers pressed together before a hand shoots up, trying to pick off the blood in a hasty attempt.

Everything was uncomfortable — too uncomfortable and it was sticky and disgusting and there was too much happening. Her brain was overstimulated and all she wanted to do was yell or cry or strip herself clean from these heavy clothes, hiding the blood drenching her underneath. A hand went to claw at the fabric — she needed to breathe — she needed air and it was too tight and —

The falling snow had finally come to a stop, the ground becomes muddy, wet snow being tracked all around but aside from that, it’s dry out. Panic is slow seep within her body, only just registering the dull, prickling ache that travels up the side of her right arm. Not to mention the pounding in her skull felt like someone had taken a power tool, drilling a burl hole into the side of her head in hopes of creating a make-shift lobotomy. On instinct, her hand reaches up to her temples, massaging small circles in hopes to find relief.

But then she catches sight of her hand again from her peripheral vision, or rather, it’s as if she can feel it laminating her skin. Blood.

Now there must be smeared streaks of dried blood coating her face. Fuck, now she really feels like throwing up.

A soft wail can be heard in the background somewhere, but it sounds distant and underwater. She thinks it’s JJ. Her high-pitched cries are loud and she thinks that’s Derek’s voice yelling at her and god… it only amplifies her headache.

She needed an aspirin, Advil — maybe Spencer had some.

Her mind wanders back to the group. Emily… Emily — she’s — Y/N doesn’t know where Emily went actually. She could have sworn she was by the trees…

She continued to pick at her skin absentmindedly, and now she couldn’t tell where her blood started and the one that was sprayed onto her ended.

And Spencer, he’s pacing and hadn’t muttered a word since they left Hotch’s house. His body language is closed off, his hand rubbing up and down his arms in either a self-soothing method or because it’s cold out. She assumes it’s the former.

The one time — the one fucking time the asshole is supposed to be smart, his IQ magically drops below zero.

Everyone is arguing and they all hear the faint cheers, laughter, early fireworks and music blaring in the background. The sound of the bonfire crackles in the distance and all she can do is drown it out. She was supposed to be having fun. She should’ve been visiting home, or maybe studying of fucking Spencer, not wearing shoes twice her size, gloves to cover up her fingerprints; not trying to come up with an alibi and there definitely shouldn’t be someone else’s blood clinging to her. She should’ve been anywhere but here. It’s too much.

Lightheaded, Y/N stumbles backwards, supporting herself against a nearby tree. The shadows and black coat camouflaged her, engulfing her into the night and she feels an odd sense of comfort by it. But, it does anything but calms her down as her chest begins to rise rapidly up and down.

Oh god, oh shit, shit, shit! They’re all fucked — she’s fucked. Her DNA is all over the crime scene. The crime scene is on her and probably under the body’s fingernails. There was no way she was getting out of this. It wasn’t even her fault and look where she is.

She should’ve listened to her Grandparents; don’t go to law school, it’ll turn her into something she’s not. Y/N smiles twistedly thinking about it, they were right.

You can’t get away with murder.

Shit, fuck, fuck, FUCK!

“We need to stop wasting time,” Emily announces, appearing remarkably calm.

“W-we should call the police,” Y/N mumbles in a shaky voice. Her voice hitches and she sucks in a cry.

All of their heads, besides Spencer’s, whip over to her; she’s on the verge of breaking — possibly even running off and going straight to the local police station. Her phone suddenly feels heavy in her pocket.

“What we’re not going to do is that! Do you want to spend the rest of your life in jail?!” Derek exclaims. His mouth goes to open again before he suddenly halts, looking over to Spencer and shouting. “Ayo, kid-fucking-genius, could you, I don’t know — think?!”

The yelling makes her shrink in on herself. Yes, call the police, turn yourself in. Obstruction of justice; tampering with evidence, manslaughter, attempting to hide a body, invasion of privacy, possible perjury — all this leads to incarceration and more time. Maybe she could even get a deal, say that she was in shock, dealing with PTSD. Immunity! Maybe she could strike herself and Spencer an immunity deal.

God — they killed her. They murdered someone.

Immense guilt bubbles its way through her before she turns to gag on air. Her hands clutches her stomach as she heaves, distantly hearing the arguing background.

“— about Hotch?”

“What about him? He’s going to put us in jail himself. If we’re lucky, he’ll kill us so we can skip a life sentence!”

JJ cries louder. God was she fucking annoying.

“He doesn’t give two shits about her —” “Could everyone just stop for a fucking moment,” a new, irritated voice cuts in. It sounds like it’s been pushed through gritted teeth, muddled by straining and holding back tears. It’s Spencer.

His eyes shut, the palm of his hands pressed harshly on them before rubbing them hard. But, they travel up to his forehead and through his hair, pulling down so hard that Y/N would be surprised if he didn’t already lose a chunk. But within a swift motion, he crouches to the ground in a fetal-like position; the balls of his feet roll back and forth, making his entire body bounce in small rhythms.

He’s having a panic attack, judging by the way his breathing cuts in and out in large volumes, hyperventilation bound to happen soon.

The entire group stays silent before Derek has enough. He walks up to Spencer, a hand clutching his jacket which forces him to stare straight into his eyes.

“Don’t treat him like that,” Emily tries to cut in.

“If you don’t give us something good within the next few seconds, you better pray to god —”

With newfound determination, Spencer meets his eyes with a fiery look, his chest puffed out a bit and his voice is even.

“We burn it.”

━━━━━━━━━༻✈︎༺━━━━━━━━━

Friday, August 29th, 2003

Palo Alto, California. Apartment 7

Four months before

A clanging sound reverberates throughout the empty hallway for the third time within the last five minutes. Her keys.

An annoyed sigh involuntarily leaves her lips as she struggles to lift the stacks of heavy boxes in her arms. Her attention was drawn to a bulletin board near her door. A missing person’s photo was plastered, marked with an eye-catching red border. Printed underneath a photo of a man in bold letters: George Floyet, twenty-five-year-old student at Palo Alto University. Last seen on July 30th, 2003.

When Y/N L/N was fourteen, she vaguely remembered people asking her where she saw herself in the next ten years. Now standing outside her newly rented apartment, sweating as she juggled a stack of large boxes without tripping — well, she certainly hadn’t thought this.

Life had many ups and downs, as cliche as that sounded. She hadn’t expected to graduate university with an English and Human Physiology degree, nor had she expected into medical school before ultimately deciding to take the LSATs, pursuing a career in law.

Truly, had Y/N used one word to describe her career ambitions at the moment, she’d say she’s pretty fucked and clueless. Although, she’d liked to consider herself fairly motivated, resilient, perhaps even strong-willed and quick on her feet. Scratch that, if anything, the one thing she did pride herself on was her ability to compose herself quickly and the want to overcome fear. It was a motto, of sorts, which she’d been sticking close to: going with the flow.

If anything, those were the attributes that built the foundation of what anyone needed to become a successful lawyer. Yes, that made her situation sound a lot less… pathetic.

But certainly, standing in the middle of a corridor in a shitty apartment with walls too thin to save money on rent, she’d consider herself pretty pathetic.

Oh, the joys of moving.

Just as she felt one of the boxes tipping, the sound of shuffling fills the hallway. A pair of large pale hands come out of nowhere, swiftly catching the stacked cardboard boxes with ease.

When she looked up, she hadn’t quite caught a look at the man in front of her as he bent down to pick up her keys. But when he finally stood straight, eyes locking, she took note of his features

He was tall, much taller than herself and dressed in black slacks and a light lilac dress shirt which was pushed up by the sleeves. He was young, probably the same age as her or younger. He was wide-eyed, almost doe-like and wore a nervous yet seemingly gentle expression.

“Hello,” said the stranger. His hair was rumpled as if he’d just woken up as darken eyebags accentuated his face. His face was sharp, features dark — but in a soft sharp way that made the shape of his nose and lips the most noticeable. Pink lips, a tired look, pretty face.

This stranger was friendly and very attractive. That was her first impression of him.

“Hi,” she replied, a bit breathless from the weight of juggling the boxes. But still, she smiled and her head tilted to the side slightly.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you were my new neighbour, I hope you don’t mind me helping, you looked like you needed it,” he says nervously, his extra free hand goes back to rub the back of his neck.

Y/N’s eyes shoot over to the door at the end of the hallway, conveniently next to hers: apartment 8. He must've heard the banging against the doors and walls, and suddenly, she felt guilty. She must’ve woken him up.

“Haha, yeah! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so loud.”

“No! It’s fine.”

Now, both stand there a bit awkwardly before she coughs, which has him nodding and fumbling with her keys in his hand, “Er — I have a couple of minutes before I leave for work, do you still need help?”

“Right, yes!”

Y/N hands him over her other box, her hand taking the keys back as she clicks open her door. The smell of cleaning products filled her nose along with the smell of old books. It’s spacious, considering what she’s paying for it. It’s a flat, aside from the bathroom and kitchen and there’s a small balcony that’s connected with another set of railings outside. The view of green trees and flowers could be seen and suddenly, Y/N considers herself lucky when she’s realized the place she’s snagged.

The man trails behind her, setting the boxes down on the kitchen counter before dusting off any non-existent lint off his pants. His eyes quickly scan the area, in an analytical fashion.

He clears his throat, “Well, it was nice meeting you.”

She nods too, walking back up to her door to lead him out. “Likewise, neighbour.”

This time, a real smile crosses his face before looking down sheepishly, a small tint covering his cheeks. “Please, I’m Doctor Reid — but please, call me Spencer.”

“Doctor?” Her face lights up with curiosity. This man looks as young as her, younger — and she’s only twenty-four.

“Oh, I don’t practice medicine,” he quickly adds. His hands go to fiddle with each other, “I have three PhDs and an IQ of 187,” he explains. However, it’s not in a blatantly rude manner — like he’s trying to flaunt it. If anything, he looks embarrassed. His head drops to look down at his shoes, trying to make himself appear smaller, seeming uncomfortable. But like she said, Y/N likes to believe she’s quick on her feet.

“Well then, Doctor,” she teases, which has him going a deeper shade of pink, “I’m Y/N L/N, I have no PhDs, I used to practice medicine and I have an IQ of — probably a hundred or less.

At this, Spencer visibly relaxes as a deep chuckle makes its way out. He nods again, making his way out the door and does a small wave before disappearing back into his apartment. Y/N leaves her door open, but her back is faced towards it as she hears his door click back open and she feels the vibrations of his door closing before the tapping of his feet becomes more and more distant.

There are a dozen other boxes she ends up hauling in, but she’s noticed that Spencer must have somehow carried a few of the boxes to the top of the stairs rather than just leaving them in the lobby.

As she wipes down the surfaces, music blasting through her earbuds before unboxing her new bed frame, a smirk crosses her face; cheap rent, enrolled at one of the top law schools in the country, has enough money saved for the next few months and a cute, tall, polite and a fucking doctor that just so happens to be her neighbour — damn, Y/N doesn’t mind this at all.

【 Next Chapter 】

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thewhovianperson · 3 years ago

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It's round six of my doctor who companions with each doctor series, which means we have Ben and Polly, another couple that I absolutely refuse to separate. So without further ado, let's get down to business to defeat... The Faceless Ones?

1: Ben and Polly would have pretty much the same reaction to One as Ian and Barbara did, that is to say bemusement crossed with slight horror occasionally. However as they'd click with Susan I think One would be more amicable to them. Standout story for Ben would be The Reign of Terror, and Polly would be brilliant in Planet of the Giants, purely for her resourcefulness.

2: Hot take but we needed more stories with Ben, Polly, and Jamie because this TARDIS Team had some class A antics. Also they deserve a better goodbye than the one they got (even if The Faceless Ones is an absolute banger). I'd love to see them with later 2, where his mysterious side comes out, and I think the Land of Fiction would be an interesting time for them.

3: Three, Ben and Polly would make strange bedfellows, but I think it could work sometimes. Polly would probably find Three exasperating at times, but Ben would fit right in with the UNIT family, and I think that both would have major respect for Three after their reaction to The Silurians.

4: This would essentially be Two, Ben, and Polly dialed up to eleven (and I don't mean the Doctor's incarnation, okay yes, that too, but one doctor at a time). Honestly this grouping would be pretty cool, and the crazy vibe would be off the charts. Polly would 100% build a crazy weedkiller that saved the world in The Seeds of Doom.

5: Young, (probably) gay (I headcanon Ben as bi and Polly as an ally), but with them on board, the team size would be way too high. They'd get swallowed in the mix, and Polly and Tegan would definitely clash.

6: They would be upset by Sixes arrogance, as they'd have largely avoided 1's, this would be their first pairing with an incredibly arrogant doctor. However as Six mellowed out they'd enjoy their trips and definitely establish a strong rapport together.

7: As soon as Seven put one of them in danger the other would slap the shit out of them. That being said you can't tell me that Ben and Polly wouldn't cause an equal amount of devastation to the Daleks as Ace did in Remembrance. Honestly I'd love to see a "what if" style episode with them in there.

8: "Ben and Polly travel the universe with a romantic queer who teaches them about the beauty of the stars" is a premise I can 100% get behind.

War: I feel like in the early stages of The Time War this duo would do well because of their resourcefulness and ability to work well under duress. They'd definitely help War with some of the more difficult aspects of the Time War, but they're only human. I can't see them surviving after the big players actually pulled out the meaningful weapons.

9: Ben is a post war sailor, who probably fought in Korea, and 100% knows about trauma from battles. Imagine if you would, a scenario in which the Autons are in 1966, and 9 meets these two flatting together. Polly would pull some gymnastics movements out of nowhere, antiplastic would be spilt, and then Ben would offer Nine the journey of a lifetime... to a therapist's office.

10: This has the same vibe as 10 had with Martha and Donna in my head, so essentially fuck yes this would work.

11: Matt literally modelled his character after 2's, and considering they went so well together this grouping would too. 11 occasionally gets a little darker than 2 did when they were with them, but I think they'd vibe for the most part. If they can deal with hypnoBen and giant sentient crabs, they can deal with Slenderman and co.

12: If you can survive 1 you can survive 12 (unless you're Bill), so 12's grumpiness wouldn't hurt them too much. Assuming they were with the end of 11's tenure too, I think that having the Paternoster Gang to help them through the change would be good too. They might clash over Ben's occupation a little bit though.

13: Thirteen seems to need an emotional support family, so hell yeah these two would do well. I would also love the implication that they're technically older than Graham but also younger, I can see that being the butt of one or three jokes between them. Honestly considering their age and time period, this group would be amazing.

Ruth: I've said it before on this post and I'll say it again: Ben and Polly are some of the most resourceful companions The Doctor has ever had. As long as they were alright with a Doc who essentially wakes up and seems to choose violence each morning, I think they'd do well.

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mst3kproject · 3 years ago

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The Neanderthal Man

Since I'm taking a break from fishmen, I might as well let Bigfoot catch up a bit. The Neanderthal Man isn't exactly a Bigfoot movie, but it’s along the same lines and its entire starring cast has MST3K pedigrees. Robert Shayne was in Indestructible Man and Teenage Caveman. Richard Crane was Rocky Jones, Space Ranger! Beverly Garland was in Swamp Diamonds and Gunslinger. Even the composer, Albert Glasser, wrote music for Invasion USA, Last of the Wild Horses, and almost all of MST3K’s Bert I. Gordon movies.

Some little mountain town in the middle of the Sierras (which the Portentous 50's Narrator takes some trouble to tell us is a primeval place where 'the defacing hand of civilization has fallen but lightly') is having a rash of saber-toothed tiger sightings! At first these are laughed off, but when the game warden himself sees one cross the road in the middle of the night, it's time to do something about it. The warden shows a cast pawprint to Dr. Ross Harkness in Los Angeles, who is interested enough to come up and see for himself. Local Mad Scientist Dr. Groves pooh-poohs the whole thing, which is enough to tell me that we're not dealing with a local cryptid here. Somebody is making prehistoric monsters.

So... I may not have actually run out of movies, but I seem to be running out of plots, because this is a remarkably similar movie to Monster on the Campus. The major difference between the two films is that Dr. Blake turned himself into a caveman by accident, while Dr. Groves here is doing it on purpose.

Another difference is that Monster on the Campus' story, while silly, was linear – events escalated in a way that felt logical, and there were reasons why things happened when and where they did. By contrast, The Neanderthal Man feels like a first draft. At the beginning of the film, we're dealing with the saber-toothed tigers that Groves has been creating by injecting cats with his de-evolution serum. We hear about these slaughtering game and livestock, and it seems like only a matter of time before they move on to human beings. The beginning of the film is quite upfront about the fact that Groves is responsible, too, as it is only mildly mysterious in its depiction of one of the creatures escaping his lab.

Sometimes the saber-tooths are represented by an actual tiger, usually filmed from behind or at a great distance so nobody has to put the prosthetic teeth on it. They do have prosthetic teeth, but they're only visible in a couple of shots. Imagine being at a bar and some guy tells you his job is sticking fake fangs on real tigers for a caveman movie! For close-ups, there's a hilarious puppet head that looks like the sort of thing you'd see mounted on a frat house wall as a joke. The director had the sense not to linger on this in motion shots, but later we see still photographs Groves has supposedly taken of his experimental subjects and they're even stupider-looking than we imagined.

Anyway, this goes on for a while with rising action, as the game warden goes to get Harkness and they manage to shoot one of the animals, only to have it vanish from the kill site when they try to show it to Groves (the movie never bothers to explain how that happened, incidentally. The ending suggests that the creatures change back when they die, but there's definitely no dead kitty cat at the scene, either). The whole movie could easily have just had the cats and their creator as the antagonists, perhaps even ending the same way as Dr. Groves proves his work to the other characters by injecting himself. That's not what happens, though. Instead, the story mostly forgets about the cats one we find out Groves has also been carrying on human experiments.

(Before himself, Groves' first experimental subject was his disabled Latina housekeeper. Another series of photos show her half-transformed into a cavewoman who for some reason is wearing drag queen false eyelashes. And as long as I'm talking about the movie being gross and bigoted, there's a bit where a woman is violently raped. This happens off camera, but the audience is not allowed to entertain any illusions about it.)

The problem is that before we see him give himself an injection in the arm, we have had absolutely no indication that Groves has been giving his serum to anything besides the cats! Cats are stealthy, cryptic creatures and if one of those has been seen wandering around killing things, then surely a full-on caveman beating people to death would not be able to stay out of sight! If what we were seeing were the first time Groves had tried the formula on himself then that would be an explanation, but his notes reveal that he's been doing it for so long that he's on the verge of losing control of the transformation and permanently reverting to a pre-human status, as indeed he does for the climax. Much like the stupid dinosaur in The Beast of Hollow Mountain, the movie's main monster is given no build-up whatsoever!

There's worse yet, though. The main characters, Dr. Harkness and Groves' daughter Jan, are barely involved in the 'caveman' part of the plot. They get phone calls about the various murders that Groves is committing in caveman form, and they snoop around the lab to figure out things the audience already knows. The same story could have been told without them, perhaps with the game warden and the hunter as protagonists, and it would probably have been more interesting. The script also repeatedly has Dr. Groves wander in and bluster about how the tiger sightings are hallucinations and tall tales, which seems a little unnecessary when we already know he's responsible. The film-makers can't seem to decide whether they want us to know that or not.

Dr. Groves wears glasses. Maybe the reason his primitive alter-ego is angry and breaking shit (although it does politely open and close the window it climbs out of, which made me laugh) is because it can't see. This is also my theory about why the Hulk smashes, and what do you know? In Avengers Endgame he's got Hulk-sized spectacles and only smashes when he's told!

The direction of The Neanderthal Man can probably best be described as 'serviceable'. It shows us what's going on, but doesn't particularly add anything to the proceedings. The 'Neanderthal' mask is immobile and uninteresting, not much better than somebody's Party City Sasquatch costume. Even the eyes are just painted on, meaning the poor guy in the costume can’t do much because he can’t see where he’s going.

The dialogue is often very strange, with characters talking like they're in a Jules Verne novel. If only one person did this, it might seem like a character quirk – it works for Dr. Groves, for example – but it's everybody. Seeing the cat carcass is gone, Harkness declares, “I refuse to believe in the supernatural! There must be some logical cause and effect to this unholy adventure!” Groves' fiancee Ruth berates him for ignoring her, saying, “I want you, the man I once knew! The good companion, the cheerful friend. I want the happiness we once found in each other.” It's bizarre to listen to, and often audibly awkward for the actors.

Monster on the Campus was kind of trying to be about how humanity must choose to evolve away from our inner savage, although the finale didn't bear that out. There's a scene in The Neanderthal Man in which this movie seems to be trying to go in the opposite direction, saying that we were never savage to begin with. Dr. Groves is speaking to a panel of scientists about the size of the brain in various 'primitive' species of human. He points out that by the time we reached Homo erectus we were already working with four times the cerebral jelly of a chimpanzee, and argues that our ancestors would have been recognizably human in their behaviour and problem-solving capacity.

(Amusingly, his chart of human evolution includes Piltdown Man, which was proven to be a hoax literally a few months after this movie's release. What makes this even more tragic for the writers is that their list of primitive humans seems to be the only place where they actually did any research.)

The problem with Dr. Groves' theory is that he already knows it's wrong. We soon learn that he's been experimenting on himself with his serum for a while already, and his notes show that he knows very well he regresses into a near-mindless animal. The movie does not even try to reconcile these ideas. If Groves were continuing his experiments in the hope that perfecting his serum would give him a more accurate reconstruction of ancient man, that would be one thing, but the script never goes there.

So now that we've had two 'man turns into caveman by injecting science juice' movies, of course I have to ask which one is better. Monster on the Campus wasn't a good movie but it was definitely an improvement on The Neanderthal Man in several respects, and although I don't have any way to find out for certain, I suspect it was an intentional remake. It's definitely more entertaining and gets bonus points for including the Meganeura dragonfly, but nothing in it is nearly as funny as The Neanderthal Man's fake tiger head. I guess if you're gonna watch one or the other, stick to Monster on the Campus, but if you're gonna watch both, start with The Neanderthal Man and do them in chronological order, the better to spot the inspirations and references.

Before I go, a fun paleontology fact: current thinking is that the saber-toothed cat's eponymous fangs actually didn't show when it had its mouth closed! There are zero cave paintings or ancient sculptures of a saber-tooth cat with teeth visible, and when scientists looked at the structure of the enamel in the canines, it suggested that in life the teeth were hidden by big, fleshy, St Bernard jowls. Google 'smilodon lips' and behold how this looks fully three hundred percent more ridiculous than you're imagining. I love nature.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the neanderthal man #tw: rape #50s #curiously caucasian cavepeople

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princeanxious · 4 years ago

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What art are you most proud of? And please show us a pic if you can! <3

Not gonna lie, this was actually p hard to answer. I’m honestly proud of any piece I get done, especially any full body, full color, full background pieces, and I refuse to let myself out-right hate anything that I draw in general now-a-days, unfinished or no. I draw for fun, always have, so I try not to put too much worry on how good something looks so long as it gets my idea across in a way that I like, or that I tried?? (And ik being proud of a piece doesnt have to tie into what the end result looks like, im just covering that base) I looked through all of my recent digital art on my ipad(that i’ve had what, 3-4 years at this point?) and found myself about just as happy with each finished piece-

-Except one. There is one piece that I forget about constantly but I’m honestly super proud of the amount of effort it had put in to reach the end result. It probably sees a number of glances infrequently(due to my sporatic activity on said blog) but isnt posted to this blog’s art tag.

It’s the blog banner I drew for my @thelostguardianau fic, of the(at the time) whole cast in the au. You can find the post to reblog it from here but i’m also adding it below for reference. (* and honestly I’ll mention every other art piece in this au posted to it’s blog stands at having this same proudness, as each individual characters complicated design fed into this big banner, each one having a giant set of uniquely drawn wings, complex body markings, and unique clothing and features. And I would not have been able to complete this banner without having those singular character chart pieces finished first, except for Thomas’s design, who has yet to be posted for ✨reasons✨)

This fricking Banner was and still is(for now, *wink*) the most ambitious piece I’ve managed to finish. It took me so long, my wrist hated me, my ipad hated me, my ipencil hated me, medibang hated me, this piece pushed the limits of the poor app. Every time I try and open this piece up on the app it takes a solid couple seconds to open, save, and close.

From sketching to lining every single character, to having to uniquely match up Their Wing Sizes and Heights, because Guardians are fucking Tall, so Wing size and Height size was hell to calculate and portray. Why, you might ask?

Because I was limited to the proportions that would actually fit into a tumblr mobile banner. Which, funfact, is much smaller than you’d think!

I had to make sure they’d all fit, wings and all. And they didnt fcking want to. But I made it fit, because I wanted a full body + wings cast banner and goddamn it that was going to happen. And I did. And I lost a fuck-off amount of detail-space for it.

Coloring it wasn’t exactly difficult, but I will once again point back to this app hating this piece and it draining my battery because of it. I work in layers. My lineart will have 5-6 different layers in color before I combine them and set the hue to black, but I still keep my lineart seperate in that each character has their own lineart, and the background lineart is seperate.

I had their lineart, and probably still do, seperated into Seven different layers, one per character, each one w/ an extra masking layer for their wing glow. Each character got their own folder for colors, and had multiple layers for each colored section: clothing, skin, skin blush + eye whites, hair, wings, body markings, marking glow. And then there was the background layers, and the glowing affects, ect. The whole piece stands at having about 80 total layers having been used over the course of making it.

So yeah, Medibang does not like this piece when I try to open it. xD

But really, setting aside fighting and babying technology thats being pushed close to its limit, the real pride comes from the fact that this piece has Seven fully colored, near-full body characters drawn, all touching and interacting and accurate to the scale that I made. It is the most amount of characters in one piece that I’ve ever drawn, colored, and finished, and I’m pretty fricken proud of it.

Which makes it all the more daunting that said banner is going to get an upgrade, because it’s a Character Cast Banner after all, and its going to have four more fully designed and full winged characters added into it.

And by upgrade, I mean I get to redraw the whole dang thing. Because I gotta rearrange ✨everyone’s✨ positions. And at this point, the only way thats possible is by starting over.

wish me luck on that. o_o;

#sanders sides #luka draws #thelostguardianau #luka answers #ask to tag #tw long post #kinda #luka rambles

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ginkgomoon · 4 years ago

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Victor’s Aura- A Character Aura Study

This post is my take on Victor’s aura, taken from my knowledge and intuition to depict what kind of aura he has! I did one on Gavin, as well as Gavin’s astrological birth chart so if you haven’t seen them, you can read them after this post!

What is an Aura? “Aura” by the dictionary is “the distinctive atmosphere or quality that seems to surround and be generated by a person, thing, or place”.

It’s essentially the electromagnetic energy field that surrounds all living things. It’s the magnetic field of vibration like how a lighted candle is lit and how a scent or perfume surrounds a flower. In fact, it’s correctly described as an extension of the body. It’s a part of every cell. Your aura can be affected by anything, including traumas, memories and emotions. It can tell us a lot about a person’s mental, physical, emotional state, vitality and path of life. Habitual thoughts, emotions and even illnesses can be clearly revealed. If a person changes their long standing thoughts and emotions, the aura will too reflect that.

Victor’s Aura There are many layers to the aura but let’s start off with the “ground” colour. This is the main colour that dominates the aura both in size and intensity. It’s arguably the most important colour as it shows what the person should be doing in their life.

Victor’s main ground colour is dark yellow (keep in mind this is not defined as “murky”- when someone is lost and muddled in their life). People with dark yellow as their ground are confident, well adjusted and analytical. As a result, they take life one step at a time, one goal at a time, ensuring every project is seen through properly to completion to avoid problems and setbacks later. They are patient people, setting their worthwhile goals in no hurry to reach them, as they know without a doubt that they will obtain their deserved reward in the end. They prefer to do things rationally and in a logical manner, especially at work where they are required to make use of their good memory and love for detail. As they are ambitious and persistent, they often take up roles of leadership, responsibility and of importance. From his corrections on MC’s reports to the food he makes at Souvenir (that is insisted to be cooked according to certain temperatures), Victor is no doubt a detail-oriented leader even whether if the goal he wants to achieve is related to work or not.

MC: It’s a sort of mark that can be left in literature or in a photograph… and I can feel it. Victor’s eyes are lowered. In his clear and tranquil eyes, there are ripples of light and shadows. Victor: Such as? The smile tugging at the corner of his mouth is clear, and I ponder this seriously. MC: For example, the way I write proposals has changed. The format of my proposals has changed. The indent of the first line, font size 15, 1.5 spacing between lines… it’s the format you find most pleasing to the eye! Victor’s eyebrow quirks. Victor: That’s all? MC: There’s more! I’ve become so much more picky with food. I never used to complain that food tastes bad, but eating at Souvenir has cultivated my palate. Now, when I eat even Michelin meals, I feel as if something’s lacking… -CN Exhibition Date

“What happened with SE is just an example. We’re from different businesses and different fields. There’s no need to compare yourself with me. Also, I’m older than you. When you’ve reached my age, you might attain the achievements I have today.” -CN Night Meeting Date

“Slow and steady wins the race” is the moral that they live by, but sometimes adhering to this credo may frustrate others as they can be so analytical and detail oriented at times- usually at great lengths. A cute little add from the Tender Regards Date around the concept of snail mail, time (Victor’s evol!) and the goal of always reaching your destination in the end demonstrate this this motif in Victor’s relationship with MC.

“Looks like you should have received this Future Mail. Apart from supporting your event, I’m only going to do this once. This will not be repeated. The things I want to say to you are all in this videotape. It only belongs to you.” -CN Tender Regards Date

“When will you finally understand? It’s all right. I’m patient. I’ll wait for you to see the light slowly.” -Rooftop Date

Although they have feelings, they only ever reveal it to people close to them. They enjoy the detail and technicality of conversations and find it hard to talk about their emotions. Victor’s Exhibition and Tender Regards Date are very useful sources of information in relation to these topics, as it displays Victor’s deep emotions of affection to MC and highlights the importance of expressing emotions to those you love. Dark yellow aura peoples’ greatest lesson in life is to be more emotionally open, and when do they do, it usually occurs later in life.

“The writer wrote it down herself - “The time I spent loving someone, not a single second of it was wasted.” I rarely hear such words leave Victor’s mouth, and it makes me feel a little surreal. In my memory, we very rarely talk about the topic of ‘love’. Maybe it’s because he rarely says what’s in his heart. Maybe it’s because I’m used to being thick-skinned. We never have the opportunity to seriously understand the meaning in these words. -CN Exhibition Date

“Do you still remember the special episode on “Feelings” from before? Actually, this theme was inspired by that episode. Giving gifts is a common way to express how one feels. But it’s not that easy to send a gift to the future. With Future Mail, the sender can convey their feelings and surprises in this gift to the other party across time.” -CN Tender Regards date

People with dark yellow as their ground enjoy system and order such as routines at work and in their home life. This is applied to Victor’s strict schedules in his day to day life, such as taking on what time he sleeps and when he gets up to go on his morning jogs. They need to consider new ideas before grudgingly accepting them. This is especially applied to when Victor always says “just this once” to MC when he’s being “childish” with her (but we really know that isn’t the case, he knows this all too well, too).

“Because a certain greedy cat always says she wants to eat something sweet after dinner, I made pudding before leaving the house. Do you think this is a mark of how I’ve been changed?” -CN Exhibition Date

Next is Victor’s “radiating” colour. This represents his interests and motivations. It adds strength to the ground colour. They can work well in harmony, some can conflict.

I would take Victor’s radiating as violet. Violet is a very highly spiritual colour, as people with this colour as their radiating will have a very spiritual take on life, as they are deep thinkers who like to analyse everything and think matters though logically. They are also naturally intuitive. Violet radiatings have the ability to come up with unique and unusual solutions to problems. As they enjoy learning, they have the potential to become experts in their field of endeavour- which is no surprise for Victor as he’s basically an “on top of the world tyrant” in the industry of finances. In addition, they feel things deeply, but rather operate things on an emotionally free level- again with the ground aura traits to enhance this! However, Victor too, has a high EQ despite this.

“I’m no different from you. There are many things I cannot do or force to make happen. It’s okay to not be strong, it’s okay to not do well. You don’t have to bottle up your emotions.” … “I won’t tell you to keep holding on no matter what difficulties you face. That isn’t realistic. There will come a time when you will become an even better version of yourself who will have enough courage and experience to deal with all of this.” -CN Colours of Rain Date

Overall, Victor’s aura of darker yellow and violet depict him as more of a straightforward kind of person, hardworking and articulate, however soon we realise there’s more to what we see of Victor, like how MC thinks that Victor comes off as a “heartless CEO” throughout the main story chapters but he slowly warms up to her whilst determining to prove her wrong. Victor is wise, and doesn’t bother to put in his personal efforts to where it’s not needed, but when it’s up to him- he strives to go all the way for perfection and with the best of his ability. He spends a lot of time in deep contemplation to determine his plans of attack which allows him to execute them well. His values and worth ethics will always in the end allow him to make time for MC, no matter how busy he is :)

And lastly…

Victor leans against the window, his face still written with distaste, but he does not attempt to remove that childish-looking blanket. He brings the red cup to his lips and gently blows on it. The warm light encases him, softening the aura surrounding him. His outline also appears gentler. He doesn’t look as impossible to get close to. My eyes land on Victor, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He puts down the cup in his hands, lowering his eyes, as though deep in thought. This is a Victor I have never seen before… In this moment, he seems to have put down his stubbornness and distant aura - becoming someone within reach. Only now does Victor finally feel my gaze. He raises his head to look at me. -CN Warm Date

All of a sudden, he lifts his other hand gently. A water droplet pelts onto his palm, as though pulling him into the pattering rain. Seeing this, I find myself subconsciously frozen in place. Because of the enshrouding misty rain, the Victor before me appears warmer and more tender than usual. -CN Tender Regards Date

It always has and always will be MC to see this side of him- the tenderness and the willingness of how he opens up to her- his aura willingly to embrace hers too. Fun fact- auras can deflect off one another if you’re with someone you dislike. But when it’s with two people in love, their auras connect, combine and produce an even brighter and bigger accommodating aura for the both of them. He’s certainly living working towards to achieve his greatest life goals- both in his businesses and being with MC, striving together to make great changes and milestones in their respective industries. Without a doubt, she has helped Victor’s aura grow, expand and shine the many rays through his doubts, allowing a light from within to burn brighter and evolve him into more of the brilliant, hardworking and tender man we know today.

#victor #li zeyan #mlqc translation #mlqc analysis #mlqc victor #恋与制作人 #mr love queens choice #love and producer #mlqc cn #mlqc en #aura reading #aura

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glitterytidalwavedragon · 4 years ago

Text

Expanding into my other Fandoms (I’m gonna have to take a stance) Read the whole thing please.

One of my oldest and most beloved anime is Inuyasha. As of late I have been binged watching the hell out of it as I am getting my BFF into different anime shows. We are really close to entering the Yashahime part of the series, and she asked if I planned to write fanfiction involving the one character which made me even watch the show as a 10-year-old.

Sesshomaru

The first episode I ever watched involved this aloof, entitled dog fighting his brother over the sword in their father’s grave. Specifically, it was part 3 of that whole episode series were Kagome pulled out the sword. I at the time had 3 dogs of German Sheppard/wolf hybrid, they were MASSIVE dogs, fell in love with the big white fluff that was Sesshomaru’s demon form. I use to sneak staying up and watch the show faithfully to see the goodest boy as it was only on at 11pm EST on adult swim. Which meant it was bad and I was breaking the rules, I felt like a rebel.

Now I hesitated answering that question. She has no idea of what is in Yashahime, she is being careful not to spoil it so I told her I didn’t know. Recently, to find out what the feel is for Sesshomaru content, I looked into the tag on tumblr…

OH MY GOD.

Sesshomaru’s tag is FLOODED with hate. Like every four post, there is hate, distain, and attacking happening. As someone who watches Yashahime, I quickly knew why.

Sessrin.

Even now I sigh. And I sigh HARD. I am not for, nor am I against the Sessrin train. Same for the Sesskagu train. I think both sides need to look at things on a logical prospective. I plan to do just that. I know I will get hate from the either side and maybe some support as well. But if I am going to do anything in this fandom (as I like doing ships and reader inserts) it will come up.

So, like my Kaiba post, and my Sebastian Heel post, I will use my research skills as well as my COLLEGE DEGREE WHICH HAS BOTH ART AND MEDIEVAL HISTORY labelled on it to explain why this progression in the story is normal to anti-Sessrin fans and why this isn’t a crime by story standards nor should we look at it as a crime.

AS WELL

Explain to Sessrin fans why it is so weird for non-shippers to see it play out and why so much hate formed.

As I let out another sigh, we shall begin. Let’s start at an historical prospective. (Links at the bottom).

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING! I’LL BE ABLE TO TELL!

I will start with the information I can access right away.

While finding charts on the life-span of common folk in 1590’s Feudal Japan is rather difficult, Ancient.edu states that the average lifespan was about 50. To put this in perspective, the average lifespan of Europeans at the time was somewhere between 40-45 with the latter being rare. Since most of us reading are not from Japanese descent, I will through Europe in this first.

If we look at the same time frame of 1590, we are looking at most of Western Europe had now entered the age of Renaissance. According to sources from Learning Resources in association with the National Gallery of Art, marriage was not what TV drama’s from HBO or Hulu depicted. By today standards they would be a crime, as the average age for marriage of an adult female was age 14…

The reasoning behind the young marriage age had multiple factors. First being, females were considered an adult once they were menstruating. Birthing also proved to be fatal, and since the lifespan was at best 40 and 45 if they were lucky, there was really no room to wait. Also Europe at the time had became hugely focused on making sure blood lines were legitimate, meaning to ensure the girl was a virgin, the moment she was able to reproduced she was married off. Those they married were not young teenagers either. Most marriages, a man would be in their thirties, and had probably multiple wives as women died more than men when not counting the battle field.

To make matters worse for the Renaissance Lady, these marriages would leave many young males unable to marry and if their husband died in battle, well, unfortunately they were not seen as desirable. This was due to the idea of a ‘free woman’. Should the girl not have a father, brother or uncle to return to as they too died, a widow had her freedom. But that freedom came at a cost. She would be assumed to have slept around, and in many writings, such as the Canterbury Tales, where Geoffrey Chaucer writes about a Window on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land survived her five husbands and the men in her family. In short, she was made to be a slut and to be looked down upon as no man controlled her.

The point of talking about Europe is because that is something most of us Non-Asian or Japanese people consume and like to paint in large romantic brush strokes of knights and magic. Honestly, reading G.R.R.Martin Song of Ice and Fire, he uses this model as we see the Queen of Dragons, Danny start off at age thirteen shortly after she had her first menstruation.

Now let’s look at Feudal Japan.

As stated before, the lifespan was around 50 years. In some populations, this was even shorter. Nagaoka, Hirata, Yokota and Matsu’ura’s on demographic data at the Yuigahama-minami area in Kamakura, Japan and found both male and female remains that suggested life expectancy to have ended around age 24-25. This was largely due to living conditions and public health. In areas like these, it would make the most sense to marry and repopulate quickly as the expectancy of life was half the national average at the time.

To my frustration, I could not find a clear marriage age for Japanese women at the time of the edo period. HOWEVER, where there is a will there is a way. I took a look at famous Lords or Daimyo’s of the time. The average age of marriage of their wives was between 12-14. Much younger than I expected, but it made sense considering this is a time where war ran the show and marriage was strictly about political gain. One of these Daimyo’s was Masamune Date, who was also 13, but then as he got older took concubines who became considerably younger than him as he became older. The goal was to have as many children as possible for hires and for political marriages to gain power.

Now lets look at Inuyasha the MANGA

Lets get the manga timeline proper here. The whole adventure took place in 11 months, a month shy of Kagome’s 16th birthday. Doing a few estimations, Rin would have travelled with Sesshomaru about 8-9 of those months. But before we get into the relationship, lets look at something the ANIME made a huge mistake with in the beginning and tried to fix as the story went on.

For some reason I could only fine gifs for the Early appearances of Sesshomaru so bear with me.

Early appearances in the manga

^ He was so fickle and a trickster then...

Now early apperances in the anime.

Later appearance in the manga

Laster appearance in the anime

Notice the issue here?

Sesshomaru was CONSIDERABLY younger looking in the start of the manga. In the anime, he started off looking like an fully adult male. But as the anime went on, they tried to make Sesshomaru look younger with subtle changes to his jaw line, eye size, and his height. Yeah, his height had changed. They made him shorter.

While in the manga, we see this young-teen looking demon, slowly mature over 11 months to look like he is in his later teens and by series end, closer to being in his late teens or twenty. Yes, art changes over time, but the anime went a reverse route. I can only guess they spoke to the author of Inuyasha about her ships, as they did Drama CDs, and realized the mistake that was made in making him more mature than he was.

You can’t tell me he doesn’t look closer to his manga self in the final act, because he does.

Since we are on the topic of the anime, lets be clear. The anime timeline and manga timeline are very different. The story in the anime (in the English) suggests that OVER a year has past since Kagome started her journey. They try to fix this in the final act, but it was still so muddled as previous seasons are to be taken as cannon. This could have been due to an translation error in the early production when the anime no longer had anymore manga material to reference. But whatever the case, for English viewers the time the group spent together felt much longer.

So now we come to the heart of the issue.

Because of the mistakes of the anime, a lot of anti-sessrin see the relationship as father daughter. I’ll be honest, watching the anime and solely the anime as a teenager and as an adult (as the manga was on hold for a very long time due to author’s health. I was in college when it finished.), I too thought it was just a father-daughter relationship and Jaken the nanny who got punched all the time. In fact, the English took hard liberties with Kagura, as the English dubs often do with characters, and made it very clear her feelings for the demon lord and Sesshomaru very much recognized them (though he never responded). Even in her death scene, it felt as if he was saying good bye to a friend more than love interest. But who really knows, as there are things that point otherwise. When another demon mock’s Kagura’s death, Sesshomaru gets super pissy.

The manga did also play with this fact when it came out in English, idk if the wording or message is different in the Japanese. Translation errors happen a lot even in todays releases, look at Kuroshitsuji. So of course most anti-sessrin’s did not see this coming in Yashahime when Rin was named mother. In fact it felt like a betrayal as we were sure Sesshomaru had no romantic feelings.

Then there was the Kohaku/Rin mashup that was hinted left and right. The English anime, with its overly dramatic and blunt emotions made it appear one way. That in the end the two kids would probably be married. Then the anime as a whole made Sesshomaru older than intended. I can see why and understand how this became a problem.

On the other side of that coin.

If you followed the dub, seen ‘Swords of an Honorable Ruler’ and read the manga… Sesshomaru was not fatherly to Rin at all. In fact, Jaken picked up all of that leg work. Rin worried for Kohaku, but clearly loved Lord Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru cared about Kagura but he almost CRIED when he lost Rin.

We have to remember that Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship must have been very hard for the demon. While we never see his mental process expect for a few rare times, we have to remember he hated humans. In the movie, he blamed a human for the early death of his father, Sesshomaru killed without mercy. It made sense that he wouldn’t be fatherly to Rin as her just being there should have caused countless inner conflicts. Hell, he even says his father’s weakness was humans, and look who picked up that trait.

Sesshomaru was designed to, someday, walk in his father’s footsteps. So sess/rin, not a surprise. Also when you see it in a historical perspective, Rin having kids around age 15-16, makes sense. In fact you could argue he waited too long for the time period.

We also need to look more at the manga when concerned with Yashahime. 8-9 months is all Rin travelled with him and he was like hold up, and left her at the village because he KNEW she needed to come to her own conclusion. That no matter what she picked he would live with and protect her. Unconditional love on his end. She cannon wise spent YEARS living with humans and MONTHS with Sesshomaru. Again, by manga standards of cannon.

Now I can already hear the screaming about age and what not. Some sources say Sesshomaru is over 900, by the rule of thumb, if we look at anime and movie releases, we have Sesshomaru being over 500 with no define age and Inuyasha around 270 years old being more pinpointed due to the movie. Just by going by ANIME CANNON. Kagome and Inuyasha, you have a 15 year old with a 270 year old man. If you say being pinned to the tree doesn’t count, then you have 220.

Also, here is something very interesting. In the episode where Inuyasha meets the unmother, he tells her, thinking it was his mom, she died when he was very small and we have flash backs later in the series of him being small running from demons. Demons clearly age much slower than humans, even half-demons. Inuyasha can be 270 but mentally and physically be 15, the same logic works for Sesshomaru, who in the manga is not much older than Inuyasha.

In the manga, there wasn’t any grooming, in the anime, there was a ton of mess-ups but no grooming.

Would this fly in todays world? HELL NO! NO, its gross, she’s a kid. Stop.

I know any fanfic I write will lean heavily on the side of father/daughter because that is what I grew up seeing on the screen. I can’t think of Rin as an adult because years of seeing her as a cheerful little girl. It’s like seeing G.O.T Arya about to have sex for the first time in season 8… I remember when she was a kid on the show. It was way to weird and I had to look away until it ended. But that’s my 2021 mentality.

But Inuyasha is not taking place in 2021. Feudal Japan is a whole other era with its own beliefs, morals and way of life. Those who understand this have nothing wrong with them. They just understand history.

Also, just to bang some nails in…

Anyone remember Bleach? Remember the MOST accepted couple was Ichigo and Rukia…. Rukia who was hundreds of years old and Ichigo who was 15… or Ichigo’s mom who was a teenager and his dad also hundreds of years old.

Most of this also boils down to Sesshomaru being a dude. As in reverse roles in animes its accepted and they don’t have the same historical context. Inuyasha is based off of historical context of Feudal Japan.

We need to stop spreading hate. We can’t accept some forms of literature because its European fantasy but bash other fantasy based literature for doing the same thing.

Sure, its weird for those who were use to seeing the father/daughter dynamic. Yes, there are extreme sessrin fans who post really questionable illegal content when they decide to leave Rin as an 8-year-old…

But this wasn’t ever meant to be perverted. The story was meant to make sense on a logical and historical base.

I hope everyone takes the time to read this. I love Inuyasha, I love Sesshomaru. I am just sick of seeing so many people fighting over what should be the revival of a beloved series. While yes, there is still room for sess/rin not being a thing, until it is stated otherwise, why hate each other? This fandom will only lose people by doing this. Calling people names or accusing them of illegal endorsement can hurt someone these days over social media.

Tumblr allows you to block tags. You don’t have to read anything or watch anything you don’t like. We gain nothing from attacking each other but can lose so much by doing so. Fanart, really good fan fiction, friends, ideas, sharing fond memories. Both sides have the right to feel as they feel, but no right in hurting each other.

A fandom is meant to bring people together. Not start a war…

Thank you.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ajpa.20402

http://www.italianrenaissanceresources.com/units/unit-2/essays/husbands-and-wives/#:~:text=Marriage%20not%20only%20reflected%20order,to%20ensure%20the%20bride's%20virginity.

https://www.ancient.eu/Canterbury_Tales/

https://www.ancient.eu/article/1424/daily-life-in-medieval-japan/#:~:text=Just%20as%20Japanese%20people%20today,in%20Western%20Europe%2C%20for%20example.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_Masamune

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megohime

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thelovelyghostwriter · 3 years ago

Note

How many responses have you gotten so far, if I may ask?

Hello, thank you for your question. I open the Q&A if you guys want updates on the survey or any problems I'm facing.

Currently, there's 380 responses in total. [It was actually 362 last night, don’t know where I got the boost overnight, perhaps that Kurapika post]

tThere's actually 84 questions in total, but I coded it in such a way that certain questions don't appear when you indicated an option. For example, if you indicated that you are not up to date with the manga (indicating that you have read the post-Election arc AND read till Chapter 390), the questions regarding the Succession arc theories and predictions will not appear. This is why the manga readers' survey is actually longer.

Currently, 149 respondents indicated that they had read up to date, and therefore, they indicated

Another example is the shippings part. For example, if you indicated you don't ship anything, you won't see the list of ships. If you only indicated that you ship, let's say, het ships, you will only see the het ships. This is to make it easier for people to do the survey. The key is for others to not answer unnecessary questions.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to talk about certain issues/explanations that I need to address.

The reason why I'm always emphasising the goal of 385 responses and above (400 is a good number) because based on calculations. I checked on MAL and that there are over 1.2 million who have watched HxH. The "population" in this case is the total number of people who have watched/read the series. Since some people do not have MAL, the actual population number is higher (currently, we do not know what is this exact number).

At 5% margin of error and 95% confidence level*, the ideal sample size is 385 in populations above 100K, and it doesn't change after 100K.

*I do not really know how to explain this, but don't worry too much about it.

Alright, so I'm at 380, do I still need more than 5 people?

Yes, I need more people. Why? I have three concerns:

1) I said this before, but I need more men/boys to do the survey.

As mentioned, I did not put demographic questions because my country is strict with asking people for personal data. While this survey is casual, I do not want to encounter future complications. However, I can roughly guess the gender composition of respondents because of certain questions and the way the survey was distributed.

Firstly, this survey blew up mostly on Tumblr and there’s a lot of mixed statistics. This says that 47% are female in 2021 and this other article says 72% of women use Tumblr in 2014. Anyway, most of my online (majority from Tumblr) are women and they had actively helped me sent it out to other women who likes the show as well. This same thing happened to my friends in real life.

Actually, this is one of the biggest limitations of this survey - convenient sampling, which is giving the survey to only people that we know. Our friends who may have similar views/interest will get to do the survey, but people that we are not friends with who may have a different view/interest does not get to do the survey. Their thoughts/opinions are not recorded.

Secondly, there are certain questions that makes it easy to guess for me if the respondent is a woman/man.

For example, the “which character do you simp for” question.

“nil” means they don’t simp for anyone by the way. Also, note that this is just the word cloud diagram. I will chart them manually in bar charts later on.

Usually, when someone indicates a lot of male characters, they are normally women/girls. The ones who indicated Killua Zoldyck and Gon are usually young girls. Of course, I’m not saying men won’t indicate they simp for a male character or something, but yea know, common sense a bit here. The likelihood of someone placing Chrollo being a woman/girl is higher than the respondent being a man. That also same goes for the shipping questions.

The survey is posted on Reddit that consisted of 83.1% males in the HxH area, according to the 1K survey that they had. This helped me boost more people (and possibly guys who do survey). However, I think only about 20 to 30 people did it (based on the boost I got after the Reddit thread was posted). I also had help from a large hxh IG account that had slightly more guy followers to give me a shoutout. I also went to reach out to some accounts whom I know the admin are guys.

I still need a bit more help though, because currently the survey results... I’m sensing that there are more women/girls who did it from the way the results are turning out.

Why is this important?

It’s simple. I cannot just release the results that had an uneven ratio of the gender of the respondents and claim that this is the hxh fandom. It won’t be representative of the hxh fandom population as a whole when there are many cis-men who actually had watched/read the show, and absolutely loved it. I think it’s important to hear people’s opinions, be it men, women, young, old.

Currently, I’m trying to attract more men to do the survey by designing my hxh analyses posts from Tumblr and transporting them to IG, because I realise they like these kind of posts and they get to see my bio profile (with the survey link) + post about the hxh survey. I also get to befriend some of them in the process (and also because I have long been wanting to post my hxh analyses on IG, but it’s just a hassle to make it into pretty poster designs). So win-win.

Of course, anyone is welcomed to do the survey. I just need help with “balancing” it out, so please help me by sending it to your bros, guy friends, boyfriends, fathers etc. Or if you know any social media platforms where most guys dominate, then yeah please send them. Or if you’re a guy, then yea go ahead and try the survey.

2) While the responses are 380 in total, the number of people who have read up to date is 149.

Okay, I’m not saying I need to get people who had read up to date to be 385 as well. Realistically, not sure if I can do it. However, most of the questions pertaining the Succession arc are the most interesting ones and it takes a large chunk of them.

So yes, it will be great to have more people to do the survey especially if they had read the manga so that we can have more respondents in those questions.

3) The 385 response calculation is only assuming 5% confidence level and 5% margin of error.

I don’t exactly know how to explain this, but I will try to quote for the margin of error:

“Company X surveys customers and finds that 50 percent of the respondents say its customer service is “very good.” The confidence level is cited as 95 percent plus or minus 3 percent margin of error. This information means that if the survey were conducted 100 times, the percentage who say service is “very good” will range between 47 and 53 percent most (95 percent) of the time.”

So if you put it in HxH context, with 95% confidence level, and 5% margin of error, it goes like this:

50% of respondents indicated that Bisky is their favourite HxH girl (this one is only one option). If this survey was conducted 100 times, the % of people who indicated Bisky as their favourite girl would be from 45% to 55%.

But if I actually key in 3% margin of error, the sample size goes up to 1056.

I’m willing to open the survey for 1.5 more weeks. Three reasons:

A) I will wait for more responses of course!

B) I am currently busy with my part-time student research assistant job during summer break till this week, and they are rushing to finish up the research paper. Therefore, it’ll be nice to just wait while I do my work.

C) I am planning to write up the theories that I had included in the survey. This means having a lot of time finding the links/threads to the theories and reading them, making sense of it. I plan to post it and also merge that in my report.

I’m closing the survey in 1.5 weeks because I need time to do up the charts and report by mid-August because I’m afraid I might be busy once the semester starts and I won’t have anytime to do this mini fun project.

Another thing I want to address:

Most of the time, certain options I created is based on technical reasons. The other reason is by mistake.

For mistakes, I went to fix them if someone highlights a mistake.

Now, for the technical reason. I did not appreciate this response in the NOTP section that says:

The reason why I listed out almost all ships in Hunterpedia, including the ones with a large age gap and the incest ones is simple - because it helps me chart easier when I put them into options. It also decreases the chances of nonsense answers like this one. It also places less fatigue on people doing the survey. Text boxes are only meant if the options aren’t clear or “others, please state” so that I can include people’s opinons.

The reason why I didn’t do that for the NOTP section is that I was unable to do a certain specific coding. That’s why it ended up as a text box. It’s also based on the assumption that if something is really your NOTP, you’d know and remember it.

Why do people online goes straight to trying to prove they are morally superior and whatnot, assuming that I listed the options because of my morality. You do not know me personally. It is based solely on technical reasons.

This is why I used this disclaimer:

Which part of this is not clear. You can leave, just like what I said in the beginning. Another thing is not following instructions and being rude about it.

I had also instructed clearly to list out the NOTP combinations. I even noted it clearly. Some people put “any incest/pedo ships”, which happened more than five times. What’s more, one response contained “don’t tell me what to do”.

Yes, I get it, you don’t like these type. But what you’re doing is making me guess everything, which is unproductive. If you don’t like certain ships that are common but a “taboo” like “HisoGon”, “Killumi”, then say that. If you say it generally, I’m just going to assume the ones on the Hunterpedia list.

Another thing is the “any toxic ships”. This is very vague. Often, some so-called “wholesome” common ships in hxh are toxic. Mind you, Killugon is also a toxic ship (let’s not be blind to the CA arc please, this pairing is unbalanced), yet almost everyone perceives it as wholesome. Most characters in hxh are toxic in their own ways, and for sure their canon dynamics if they are in a relationship are likely more toxic than what is often portrayed in the headcanon way. I am wondering what to do with this, I might put it as invalid or “no”.

This is why my instructions are to list them. I had already edited the question twice to make it even clearer yet there’s people who defy them. I’m not just doing the instructions out of fun or make people’s life harder. Those are instructions.

I do not understand why certain people have to feel offended/be rude at an anonymous survey.

I can understand if people don’t follow instructions because you might missed it out and I can help to chart it for you. It’s totally okay, everyone makes mistakes, but I do not appreciate the extra unsolicited comments about me because it implies that you have read them, you just chose not to follow it.

If you think there’s a better way to do it, then DM me. I will explain to you why I had done it so, or I might even change it based on your suggestion. For example, someone actually told me to add certain options and I did it. Another person suggested to add the non-romantic dynamics and I love that, though I think it’s a little too late to add that. Maybe in the next survey.

If you do not like the instructions, kindly exit the survey. Nobody is forcing you to do it. It won’t record your response if the survey is incomplete for one hour.

#hxh #hunterxhunter #gon freecss #kurapika #leorio #killua #killua zoldyck #kurapika kurta #leorio paladiknight

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kalena-henden · 3 years ago

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after all the hype about big revelations happening in the debris finale, i was woefully underwhelmed. this was an episode literally about ‘emotional resonance’ but it had none (apart from a few bryan and finola moments). this show has (or should i say had since it’s now been cancelled) so much potential for cool sci-fi mysteries but that is not enough if we don’t connect with the characters. we need characters we put our trust in and relationships (platonic and romantic) we can root for. in general, the regular and recurring cast was a revolving door of either untrustworthy villains or interchangeable day players. even in the beginning, it was hard to know if we trust could truly trust bryan or finola. and even when we did start to care about bryan and finola, we were given their moments sparingly.

it’s no surprise that the multiverse two-parter with our leads in full ride or die mode are the ones the audience connected with the most, drawing in new viewers and cementing brinola as a ship we wanted to sail. while the time jumping mystery was intriguing, it was the emotional resonance of bryan and finola’s relationship that made us care about them and the show. furthermore, the twins were more than random-debris-victims-of-the-week. instead their familial love grounded the chaos of the multiverse and made them excellent partners with bryan and finola to solve the problem and complete the mission. watching the four of them get to know each other and work together was everything i wanted from this show. honestly, i was shouting at the screen that i wished the twins could join the team permanently.

sadly, the finale had very little of bryan and finola’s ‘emotional resonance’. a small thing that would have made a huge difference is if bryan had come back early and gotten captured by otto’s gang. first, he could have had his own moment of betrayal with george and trying to talk to him about it. then bryan would have known about the memory wipe but be unable to do anything about it or them forcing the pill on finola. next he could have had a super cool moment with finola, where he tells finola to remind him about who he is and their mission together after his memory is wiped and finola could ask ‘all of this sounds crazy. what if you don’t believe me?’ and bryan would say ‘i’ve always believed you’. hit us in the feels please! after they deactivated the debris and bryan collapsed, they could have let finola run over to bryan and when he wakes it still would have been a shock for him to look at her with full recognition in his eyes and say ‘finola’. then the scene could continue as it did in the show with otto’s revealing bryan as the third man. watching bryan and finola go through hell together would have made all the difference.

in the end, it was no surprise that george betrayed them because they never made us trust him in the first place. as for maddox, his family storyline has to be the biggest waste of space in this show. if you took it out entirely it wouldn’t make a difference at all. in fact, it would be an improvement as the time could be filled with better things we actually care about. the major problem with maddox (besides being a government goon totally fine with weaponizing the debris) is that he not only actively lied to our leads but he made them lie to each other. for someone who is supposed to be ‘on their side’, he was really the biggest villain of them all. if maddox was with influx and had been stealing all the parts for his son, it would have made more sense. maddox’s biggest sin wasn’t his stealing but that he didn’t trust his team to help him steal. this is a huge contrast to bryan and finola whose trust in each other allows them to betray the system together to help save her father. maddox trusts no one, not even his own wife. why should we trust him? when bryan said that they need to tell maddox everything at the end, i screamed ’NO!’ lol cause he is not worthy of their trust. there’s really only two options for brinola: go rogue and recruit people to their cause or continue with orbital but start a splinter group to undermine it.

i don’t fault nbc for the lack of viewers. if this show was like that fantastic two-parter every week, it would be easy to promote this show and gain a decent size audience. high concept sci-fi and fantasy shows cannot move slowly in revealing the mysteries unless your character development is off the charts. even doctor-lawyer-cop procedurals live and die on how much the audience connects with the characters. worldwide competition for tv series is increasing, i’ve spent the last two months binging korean dramas including a few in the sci-fi/fantasy genre. it’s incredibly rare for their shows to have multiple seasons. the majority are limited series with 16 full-hour episodes (the equivalent to 22 american broadcast episodes) with which to tell their full story. i’m finding this refreshing as they hold nothing back ‘for next season’. they put in all the great character development and all the cool mysteries which have actual answers but they’re also not afraid to have a slightly open ending if they could come back but which in no way detracts from what the series has accomplished. american tv writers of high concept shows please take note: put it all out there like you’re not coming back because you’re probably not, but leave a crack open for you to put it all out there again. and above all, make us care about the characters. brinola you will be missed but not forgotten. they deserved better.

#debris nbc #debris meta #brinola #my post #my meta

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ifeveristoday · 4 years ago

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I got out my DVDs for this rewatch (that’s not actually a big deal. I only have season 3 on DVD. 😂) so let’s get to it.

I forgot they did a cold open for this episode!

I know it’s for ambiance but man does Angel have a lot of candles displayed. Probably too ‘mainstream’ for his taste but the thought of Angel furtively going to a Bath and Bodyworks in the mall during their semi-annual sale and just buying out their whole candle selection gives me the purest joy. Let’s be real though, Angel would shop at some boutique/hole in the wall owned by a wizened old character with a twinkle in their eye and everything marked up 20%. Or it would be a steel and glass monstrosity with a collection labeled Candles for Men. That’s the range.

Back to the enormous fire hazard that this scene is -

Wait. Does fire burn on stone?

Shout out to the stunt doubles.

I think that Angel getting food for Buffy for a sort of alfresco picnic while training is really sweet, actually. Also, can't miss the opportunity for both carbs and phallic symbolism ala bread.

Everyone is so embarrassingly horny in this moment. I'd say get a room except they're in a whole giant mansion.

Always remember the bread! What did Angel do with the food after Buffy fled? Fed the no-doubt cursed pigeons that live in Sunnydale.

Thanks for the workout (insert stereotypical dirty laugh).

Oh yes, the awkward 'let's talk about your birthday without mentioning the last birthday you had at all because it's horrifying' chitchat. God, the anxiety Angel is radiating here and Buffy trying to smooth it over. You can't unfrost that trauma cake!

Angel, you utter dork. You're lucky Buffy finds you pretty. Very powerful himbo energy here. And it's nice to see some light-hearted flirting/banter between them.

How do you know when someone's aura's dirty? Buffy is only asking the reasonable questions everyone has.

Do you hear yourself, Giles. "I'm aware of your distaste in studying vibratory stones..." I can't imagine what that section of the Slayer handbook looks like. Are there pull-out charts?

Faith being conveniently gone for this episode. Boo, hiss.

That workout really did a number on Buffy. I see what you're doing with those crystals.

One of the sad parts of rewatching Buffy is that you just don't have the first time discovery feels of watching it - that magic is gone, but even though I know why Buffy's wobbling in her fight, the reveal is still upsetting. Thinking about how in Season 5, when she does get staked, just as she's questioning her powers - and here, where she's losing them.

Also, obvious observation is obvious - the sexual violence imagery is really, really blatant here - with the vampire crouched over her with the stake aimed toward her heart, just as she playfully staked Angel earlier in a more romantically set scene.

AND THEN THE THEME KICKS IN. Like, damn! Three minutes and you can pretty much tell what the plot is going to be - Buffy and Angel's UST is getting out of hand, Buffy's lone Rangering it, and something is wrong with her. And it's her birthday.

And Buffy's resourcefulness saves the day.

Perhaps you shouldn't be throwing knives in the library, Buffy.

Did they do a geography lesson on Cuernavaca? It's also just fun to say. Like La Cienega. Brief moment to ponder yet again about a show set in Southern California, actually shot in Southern California, with the huge Latine population we have and the Spanish-influenced names and culture and - getting sidetracked by all this casual 90s racism.

"We do it every year for my birthday," except your seventeenth, presumably because of the murderous ex-boyfriend stalking the town you live in and all your loved ones. [Or, he did take her and it was not shown on screen!] Sometimes I wonder if the continuity editors just go, you know, I'm going to let this one go for the 'emotion' and not just so years later, a Virgo with a deep-seated need to obsess over throwaway details will go into a thought spiral to make it make sense.

I think this is also the last time Hank Summers was spoken of with any real affection because then he was Deadbeat Dad for the remainder of the show. Oh, look. The Scoobies are surprised about the traditional birthday ice show that I'm going to nitpick about forever.

Oz is so supportive, and then the clunker of a 'deep' line of ice being cool because it's water then it's not. I do like the Whedonesque school of dialogue, but sometimes you gotta reel it back. I remember the dialogue on Dawson's Creek was getting pinged for the teenagers talking like grad students.

Quiet reflection. Oh you poor girl, you have no idea.

Quarterly projections - is a convincing filler phrase for when you don't need to know what the job is, because it's boring but sounds vaguely official. What does Hank actually do? Who cares! He's an asshole.

Sunnydale Arms, because of course, Sunnydale has a broken down abandoned murder hotel.

Quentin Travers. Boo. Hiss.

The scary music is very scary. Also one of the Council flunkies looks like a very young Vincent D'Onofrio.

This scene with them in the library is so bittersweet because Buffy is fishing for Giles's attention as a father figure substitute ("very sophisticated people go!" breaks my heart) and he pointedly is rejecting this for training talk.

Look for the flaw at its center. THE FLAW IS YOU GILES. YOU YOU YOU.

it's just so terrible, this scene because of how methodical and clinical it plays out. And Buffy is just not there, and then Giles smiles like nothing has happened.

Buffy makes it through another night - next day (another reason why this trial is so horrifying is that it takes place over several days - it's not on Buffy's birthday but leading up to it, so the idea of her getting weaker and weaker and unable to fight to make it to 18 in the first place) and it's time for the Cordelia has had enough of toxic masculinity scene!

Also, Willow blithely ignoring a person's feelings and treating Amy as just a rat is played for laughs and cuteness, but yeah...you can't treat people like puppets or rats [law and order sound]

I love Cordelia's coat. And also, while it does suck that she stood him up, he's not entitled to her time or attention and certainly not to threaten her. Go, Cordy! Fight like a girl! Yes! Pummel him into the hallway.

I also love Willow's outfit here because I think the colors are so complementary and warm and it's a cute outfit. Okay, the knit wooly hat is a bit too Blossom-esque, but whatever.

Buffy is tiny, we all know this, but I do think they purposefully dressed her in larger than her size coats in this episode to make her look even more tiny and vulnerable.

Giles is TOO BLASE for this scene also shut your mouth about throwing knives like a girl

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." SO WHY DID YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, BRAIN TRUST. (I am going to be very mean to Giles this whole rewatch, deal with it.)

"But I'm the one in the thick of it." No, you're not. You are going to be adjacent to it, at best.

Hey it's that guy!

Okay, in better lighting, flunkie does not look like Vincent D'Onofrio.

It's impossible to pin down one type of Vampire in the Whedonverse, except for the delineation between Grunt Bait Vampires, and Special Guest Star/Master vampires, but Kralik is the only other example of a vampire with mental illness besides Drusilla, yet he's medicated. Makes me wonder how exactly they got Kralik...he was a monster before he was a vampire, but who vamped him? I don't put it past the Watchers to have vampires created for this purpose.

Curse against lawyers!

Xander and Oz bonding over comic books is so fun. I regret they didn't really get closer until after Xander and Willow cheated because Oz was the one male friend Xander had.

They mentioned her birthday! Thinking about Buffy's love of poetry later on, this is a nice little detail, and it *is* a thoughtful, sweet gift. Also those poems: horny. Oh yes, maybe in a restrained way, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning knew what was up.

The Buffy and Angel relationship in season three is full of these starts and stops that I can see why and agree with others about how it's frustrating on a number of levels. They know why they can't be together, but they still try to find a common ground because they want to need the other one. They still have their identities to figure out - Buffy as the slayer and a young adult, Angel as a person, separate from Buffy and being Buffy's ex sort of maybe.

But this conversation in Helpless is genuinely sweet and a glimpse at what a normal couple at the crossroads would talk about - I think I'm also being soft on this because the other Important Male Figure in Buffy's life in this episode lets her down so spectacularly bad, that Angel being supportive and kind in his awkward way is a nice respite. It's good to be away from the angst and the horror that their relationship has had.

And the self-aware puncturing of the Moment between them is something Buffy does very well. "Taken literally, incredibly gross - I was just thinking that too". Look, it's cute and soft and I will allow it.

The horror of this episode (and there are so many) is that we have to watch Buffy become the helpless blonde in a slasher flick who is being chased by the monsters and she can't do anything about it - that she has to be rescued or die. That the real world with men catcalling and bystanders who ignore women's cries of distress is far scarier than the literal demons that inhabit the town - and Buffy brokenly saying she can't just be a person, she can't be helpless like that [like women are, still, today] is a gut punch. It's uncomfortable and unhappy because Buffy is supposed to be the hero, the [sigh] strong female lead who can kick ass and take names, and this episode is all about finding who Buffy is, separate from her super powers. Also an exercise in emotional torture, but must be Tuesday.

The physicality - the weakness that both Buffy and Giles display in this scene is so, so good. The way Buffy's hand trembles toward the needle in the case and the dawning realization of what Giles has done, has chosen to do - and he bloodlessly tells her what the Cruciamentum is.

Her tiny little "Liar."

GOD WHY DIDN'T SHE GET AN EMMY (rhetorical we all know genre tv only matters if it was Game of Rapey Thrones)

"You will be safe now, I promise you." LIAR.

Another puncturing a heavy moment - Cordelia as cavalry - I love it. Cordelia taking the most obvious approach to the situation - 'oh Buffy might have lost her memory, well he's Giles,'

I can't believe they robbed us of a conversation in the car scene with Cordy and Buffy.

Kralik had to have found a polaroid camera and a metallic sharpie for this whole scenario -- OH I KNOW WHO HE REMINDS ME OF. The Night Stalker and any number of serial killers that terrorized SoCal. Is the show being self-aware of the problem with mothers and parents in general?

Probably a glib accident.

I don't have much to say about the part where Buffy hunts Kralik because it's so masterfully done with the atmosphere and music.

Nice of Giles's backbone to enter the chat now.

This is not business. Ooo.

Buffy's "I thought I killed a man" emo overalls!

Like it's shadowy, but there's still enough light to see facial expressions. Lighting guy, I salute you.

Little red riding hood metaphor. Oh, that's so her stunt double.

CREEPY SEXUAL VIOLENCE REARS ITS DEFORMED HEAD AGAIN

Jump stair scare. I remember the first time I saw it, I jolted in the living room.

Serial Killer Shit. Why are vampires such drama queens?

THAT'S RIGHT, BUFFY DID THAT

The ending scene in the library is cathartic in that Buffy gets to stand up for herself finally, and recognizes what Giles gives up by helping her, delayed as it was, also there's the feeling of hate punching Quentin Travers via your eyes.

Still don't think she should have forgiven Giles so easily, but we don't get to see a lot of aftercare for Buffy when she gets hurt, and it is a very tender scene.

The Scoobies are being way too upbeat if they knew about the fact that Giles poisoned Buffy, which is why I'm assuming she told a very abbreviated version of events ending with Buffy killed the bad guy and Giles got fired, oops.

Xander's big strong man comment and then looking immediately to Willow to open the jar and not Oz...

I could watch this episode again with episode commentary from David Fury, but another day.

#a bit later #but here it is #saff rewatches buffy

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coldasyou · 5 years ago

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How to gif without photoshop

Hello! By popular demand (of like 4 people) I am going to write out a tutorial of how I make gifs when I’m on my personal laptop and don’t have access to photoshop. There is another method I use with a different software that is a bit more complicated and if people are interested, I will make a tutorial of that method as well. I’ll do my best to keep this concise, so let’s get started.

Warning that this is VERY text and image heavy because I know how frustrating it can be when a tutorial feels like it’s skipping steps and I want this to be as clear as possible. Also please read this on desktop, tumblr mobile kills the quality of gifs inside text posts.

This is the video I will be giffing and here is the gif I will be making!

What you need:

A video to gif

For the best results, I recommend a video that is either 720p or 1080p (basically the higher the quality, the better). Videos with good lighting and bright colors also turn out the best. Unfortunately for me, I gif the TV show Prodigal Son a lot and that show has neither of those things, which is why my gif example is from that show; if you can make a scene with zero lighting or vibrancy look even somewhat decent, you can make anything else look good.

A video downloader or screen recorder

This is the video downloader I use and this is the screen recorder but basically any youtube video download website or screen recorder program works. Keep in mind that ezgif has a pretty low upload limit for videos, so if you want to gif something longer than like ~4 minutes, cut the video down to the specific parts you want first on a website like this one.

ezgif

A very straight forward website that anyone can access. You don’t need to download anything, it’s all online.

Bonus: Online Image Editor (not required, but I use this website to add text to gifs)

1. Making the gif:

Once you have a video downloaded, you go to ezgif.com and go to the section video to gif. Click choose a file, scroll to your downloaded video, and hit upload video. Your screen should look like this now.

There are two ways to pull out the sections of the video you want to gif. You can either write in the start and end time in the little sections (you have to convert them to seconds: for example, if my gif started at 1:16 and ended at 1:20, it would be 76 seconds and 80 seconds respectively). Or you can do the method that I feel is easier, where you go to the section you want it to start on, hit pause, and hit the blue button that says “use current position” then let the video play until it hits your stopping point, hit pause again, and click on the second “use current position” button.

Once you have the start and end time recorded, scroll down to the next part of the screen with the size options. For size, select “540xAUTO (for Tumblr)” since tumblr gif sizes start at 540p and go down the more gifs are in a row. For frame rate, try to do either 20 or 25; the higher the frame rate, the smoother the gif will look. If you are trying to gif something in 540p that is longer, you might need to chose 10 to keep it under 5mb, which is the tumblr gif size limit. For method, leave it on FFMPEG. Then hit, convert to gif.

your gif will now look something like this!

Now, this gif is currently 5.7mb, which is above the size limit for tumblr (5mb or above gifs will still play if I recall, but the quality will be really bad when you post them). If I was planning on keeping the gif this size, I would go back and change the frame rate to either 20 or 10 to get the size down. However, I am going to resize the gif to 268p, so I don’t need to worry about it being to big.

Using the correct gif size for tumblr is one of the easiest ways to make sure the gif looks good! For gifs that take up a whole row, the size should be 540p wide. For two gifs in one row, the size is 268p each. For three gifs in one row, the sizes are 177p, 178p, and 177p in that order. Here is a visual of it.

The next step would normally be resizing the gif, but Prodigal Son youtube videos come with a black banner on the top and bottom that I need to crop out. You will see a menu full of options under your gif, and you want to click on “crop.”

Cropping is pretty straight forward; you just move the little box over the part you want cropped, then hit the “crop image” button. Make sure width stays 540p!

Your gif now looks like this

Next, you look at the options under your gif again, and go to “resize.”

Again, resizing is pretty straight forward. I just put in 268 into the “width” section and leave the “height” section blank since the site will automatically resize the height. You can ignore the other menu options.

Your gif now looks like this

Next step is optional, but I usually do it. Once again, you go to the menu of options under your gif and select “speed.”

Speed is also super straight forward. I almost always reduce the speed of my gifs somewhere from 90% to 80% no matter what, just because I think it makes it look smoother. For gifs that are of short scenes that go really fast, I will reduce it to anywhere from 70% to 50%. You can try different speeds to test out what you think looks best. For this gif, I’m going to put it at 80%.

Here’s what we have so far. Congrats, you have made a gif!

Now for the fun part!

2. Coloring the gif

Go to the “effects” option, in the menu under your gif. You will see a LOT of options, but the panels I’m going to focus on are “colorize”, “brightness and contrast” and “color presets”. This section is going to vary a lot depending on what specific video you are giffing so remember to be flexible and try lots of different options out! It took me a while to get to a place where I can just eye a scene and know what settings to use. It’s super easy to go back and tweak a setting if the gif doesn’t look like how you want it the first time, but it’s a lot of trial and error.

The main option I focus on in the “colorize” section, is “saturation.” This is what will make all the color in your gif pop out. The saturation I use varies a ton; for scenes that already are colorful/bright, I usually keep it around 120 to 150, since you don’t want it to be over saturated. If I’m making an edit that is supposed to look toned down or more grey/neutral tones, I’ll decreases the saturation in the range of like 90-40. For a show like Prodigal Son, where there is basically zero color vibrancy, I tend to go full out with saturation, usually in the 150-200 range. For this gif, I have it all the way up to 200.

Next is brightness and contrast. This also varies wildly, but a good rule of thumb is I always try to keep my contrast at least 5 points higher than whatever my brightness is, it just makes the lighting more even. You need to find a good balance; obviously, the darker the scene, the higher you want the brightness and contrast, but if you go too high, the gif with be staticy/grainy. For Prodigal Son, which has horrible lighting, my brightness is anywhere from 10-30 and my contrast is anywhere from 15-35. For this gif, my brightness is on the lower side since the scene is outside in natural light; brightness is 16, contrast is 26.

After you get those settings, I go over to “color presets” section and click on the “tint” option. It will pull up a color chart that looks like this

You ALWAYS want the intensity up to 100. This part is where the most trial and error occurs; there isn’t any one color option that works for every gif. The shade I use most often is light red/pink or light blue/light purple. For scenes that are lacking warm tones (which is almost all of Prodigal Son) I tend to go to the light reds, and for scenes that are lacking cool tones, I go to the light blues. The light reds are best for making characters skin tones look more...like actual skin tones and not totally washed out. To select a color, you just move your mouse around the chart. This is the range of color codes I tend to use.

Again, intensity should be up to 100 (it automatically starts at 50 and I was too lazy to move it while getting screen shots :P).

For this gif, I actually used a new technique I’ve been trying out where I start with a light blue tint to even out the color tones, then once that gif is done, I go back to effects and add a layer of pink to make the colors brighter. Usually, one color works fine, but sometimes it’s hard to find a good balance (the red colors can get too red and the blue sometimes brings out too much of a yellow shade). For now, I have my color tint set at #eeebff.

Ultimately, this is what my effect settings look like and this is what the gif looks like now.

Now, like I said before, I added another layer of tint to this gif. All you have to do is go to the menu under your gif, and click on effects again.

It will take you back to the panel you were just on, expect now your colored gif is on the top and all the settings are blank again. The only setting you need to use now is the tint option; go there, and select a light red shade. I used #fff0f0.

And here is the final gif! To save it, just right click and hit “save image as.”

I know it seems like a long process, but once you get a hang of it, it goes by super fast, especially if all your gifs are coming from the same video.

BONUS: Adding text

If you are trying to gif something with dialogue or you want a quote to put over your gif, you will want to put text over it. ezgif has a “text” option that you can use if you want, but I personally don’t really like their font options, so I use the website Online Image Editor.

This is what it looks like. You can either hit “upload an image” and upload your saved gif, or you can go back to ezgif, right click the gif, hit “copy image url” and paste that url into the “upload from url” option. The web page should now look like this.

It’s pretty straight forward from here; click on the “add text” button and a menu will appear on the left hand with options for the text.

Type whatever you want the caption to be in the “type text here” box. This website has a ton of font options you can play around with, but when I just want to caption a gif, I stick with “Arial Bold Italic.” For a 268p gif, the font size should be 10-12, depending on how much writing you plan to put on each gif (if some gifs are going to have more writing than others, pick a smaller font size so it stays consistent!) When I make a 540p, the font goes up to 14-16. I use white for the color and black for the stroke. I make the strokewith 3 because it makes the caption stand out more. Once all these settings are selected, hit the “preview” button under the text box.

You can now drag your text anywhere you want on the image! The only bad thing about this website is that it doesn’t automatically center text, so you either have to eyeball it, or if you’re picky, like me, open up one of those online ruler applications and use it to measure out the center. For captions, I move the text just slightly above the bottom of the gif.

Finally, you hit apply. Once your gif has the text on it, all you have to do to save it is right click it and hit “save image as.” And here is the finished project!

That got a lot longer than I thought it would, but I hope it was informative! If anything was unclear or if you have further questions, feel free to send me an ask. Thank you for reading.

#gif tutorial #giffing tutorial #giffing #gifmaking #mine #my gifs #long post #I hope this makes sense lol #pls rb if it helped!!!#also if mobile doesn't keep the read more...idek

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serensama · 4 years ago

Text

To Release #2

Zen needs to let MC go.

Years ago, I had asked the amazing @promiscuous-jalapeno to write a HC for me when I was too scared to write my own and she did an amazing job- tore me right up it did. I asked her shortly thereafter if she minded if I tried to do it and she was kind enough to encourage me. Nearly 4 years and I’ve finally done it.

Trigger warnings: Character death, mentions of blood and aneurysm.

This is for my friend, my sister- Susana. I don’t know how to let you go. But one day I will. And one day I will see you again. Rest well until then dear one.

This is for my baby, my puppy Meiko- run free my little one. I know you’ll be waiting for me too. Keep Susana company and keep her safe until we catch up, okay? Good Boy.

- It wasn’t a particularly long or difficult day when it happened.

- They were wrapping up the film and just going over the last few scenes that Zen wasn’t thrilled with; ever the perfectionist he didn’t want sub-par acting from him or his co-stars, he loved his fans too much to offer them nothing but the best.

- The director hadn’t called cut but everyone had started to make a commotion on the set and forced the actor to stop and look around. A crowd had congregated near the catering table, someone calling for the onsite doctor for one of the crew who had seemingly fainted.

- The director walked towards the people and when she got close enough to see what or who the cause of the ruckus was, she spun on her heel and screamed out to him.

- Zen turned towards the sound of his name and saw his director calling him over with frenzied hands, urging him to quicken his pace and pointing towards the throng of people- “… It’s MC.”

- The actor had pushed one of his colleagues out of his way, apologising to them in his head as he bounded over to where the director had motioned to. He easily pulled people away to let him through when he finally got to eye of the masses, his MC laying on the floor in a heap. Her arms were thrown askew and her legs in an odd angle, a trickle of blood from where she caught her head against the edge of the table forming a pool of the rich, dark liquid beneath her.

- Zen hissed curses at the idle idiots around him, just standing there slack jawed staring at his girlfriend instead of doing anything else.

- With a gentleness he only ever showed to her, he caressed the inside of her wrist softly careful to not jostle her in case she hurt her neck or back with her fall. “MC, baby, please wake up, let me see those beautiful eyes again,” he cooed, praying his voice was enough to coax her from her unconsciousness. When she furrowed her brow but remained wholly unresponsive, he tried once again, convinced he could reach her. “Come on baby, I know you. You’re probably screaming at yourself for falling and being careless- especially with so much to do. So do it, kick your own ass and wake up. You can do this. Show me how strong you are MC.”

- Her eyelashes began to flutter as she sluggishly began to move.

- Zen exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding and a collective sigh of relief was released on set. Everyone knew and loved the ivory haired star but the only thing he was ever pedantic about to a fault was the health and safety of his manager, his girlfriend- his ‘whole world’. He couldn’t care less if all they gave him was warm water for lunch so long as she was well taken care of and comfortable.

- The doctor finally reached them and quickly rushed the remaining stragglers away from the couple, even managing to push Zen back when he said he needed more room to make sure MC was okay, the young man hovering around them, pacing worriedly about the sidelines like a mother hen.

- He watched on as the doctor patched her up, wincing as the thread and needle cinched up the gash- silently threatening the doctor to do a good job and not leave MC with a scar. However the more he thought of a scar on his girl got him a little excited, it would make her look mysterious, dangerous, his every own femme fatale- a physical representation of her inherent bad-assery for all the world to see.

- Zen could feel the tension in his shoulders relax as she slowly stood up and accepted whatever direction the doctor was giving her. He practically sprinted to her side when the older man gestured for him to come over, his long, toned arms carefully gathering her to him and pressing soft kisses to her skin, ignoring the scent of dried blood mingling with her sweet perfume. “… and make sure she doesn’t fall asleep again until you’re at the hospital and she’s in their care. Your blood pressure is pretty low and you’ve looked paler as of late, have you been getting enough iron lately MC?”

“Mhmm.” “Mm. Okay. Well go get those tests and make sure nothing too serious happened with that hit on your head. Make sure you watch out of her Zen,” the doctor instructed with a terse nod before taking his leave.

- A few moments passed with Zen still holding onto MC, lips still against her brow. He wanted to remember what it felt like to hold her and feel her breath against his skin, the warmth of her body, the sting of the pinch at his… the hell?

- Crimson eyes looked down to see MC pinching at his arm.

- “AIR!” she finally managed as she pried herself away from him, her mouth open and gaping for the precious gas to enter her lungs once more. He chuckled as he allowed himself one final self-indulgent kiss on top the crown of her head and stepped back, letting her find her own footing and collect herself.

- “What happened Jagi?” he asked, tucking an errant strand of hair back up into her messier messy bun. “Do you remember anything?”

- MC grimaced as she thought back, trying to remember anything before waking up to a blistering pain in her head and the sounds of hushed whispers all around her, and the large worried eyes of her lover peering down at her. Ignoring the pounding at the base of her skull and the way her world was just slightly off kilter, she focused on the chain of events that led her there.

- She had been looking over his schedule and worrying herself over how to get to one interview to another with only twenty minutes to spare across the city during peak hour traffic when she felt a sharp pain at the back of her eyes, acute and with such intensity she had to put her planner on the table and steady herself and then… nothing.

- Zen frowned not liking what he was hearing. At first he thought that she had neglected herself again, probably forgetting to eat something during the day because she was so fixated on him and his commitments she disregarded her responsibility to herself- it wouldn’t be the first time. Although this time, it felt different. Apart from the fact that he had practically force fed MC lunch with him not two hours earlier, he didn’t like the way she had been acting in the days leading up to this episode. She had been more exhausted than normal, crashing into bed often without having a shower which was something she was loathe to do, always yelling at him for doing it if he stumbled home from the set late at night. She was irritable and short tempered, yes she was a fire cracker and he loved her for it, but he could see she was being snappish for no good reason and that just wasn’t his MC.

- That and his dreams. Dreams he suppressed because they didn’t sit right with him, didn’t make sense, didn’t want to make sense of it. So he didn’t. It didn’t make sense that he would be in the middle of a choreographed number, with MC front row and centre watching him and he would do a turn and then she was gone. Just him alone on the stage, with people waiting for him to continue. It just didn’t make any sense.

- He would focus on what was real and happening in front of him and he would take things one step at a time instead of jumping to conclusions from stress addled dreams. Yes, that was it. It was the stress of this new movie. It was going to be the biggest one to date and with so much riding on his performance, there was no doubt that was what was causing such terrible images to play out before him the minute he closed his eyes.

- “Let’s get you to the hospital okay Jagi?”

- He almost throttled the doctor in the ER. How the hell did he dare say such things. He was going to ask for a second opinion and then a third. He wasn’t going to stop until he heard the right opinion, the only one that mattered. That MC was just fine. MC was going to live- anyone who said otherwise was going to taste the heel of his boot.

- “I know it’s difficult to hear but as it stands it might be best to start making some arrangements just in case-”

“You need to stop talking Doc,” he ground out behind his teeth, both hands squeezing against the metal of MC’s hospital bed. “Zen,” she chided with a disapproving look but with a gentle hand on his arm. “Let him speak.”

He shook his head and crossed his arms in front of him like he was trying to intimidate a better diagnosis out of him instead of the bullshit he was already sprouting.

“Not unless he goes back and does those tests again and comes back with some different results, because those are wrong,” he replied pointing at the chart the doctor held in his hands. To his credit the older man didn’t flinch too badly at Zen’s bullying, probably used to all kinds of bargaining from people in the ER. “As much as I wish they were wrong… they aren’t. I’m afraid there isn’t much else that can be done- what we’ve found is an intracranial aneurysm and at the size it’s managed to get we need to do emergency surgery or it’s at great risk of rupturing. All I’m saying is that the surgery comes with risks- as if it does rupture during the surgery she could have a stroke or receive permanent brain damage and, as such, she should get everything in order in case the worst were to happen-” “What we need you to say Doc is that the surgery is going to save her life and everything will be fine,” he snapped pointing at him menacingly. Zen tapped on the clipboard and then into the doctor’s chest to get his point across.

- The doctor sighed and gave MC a pointed look which she wordlessly responded with a nod, still disoriented from trying to catch up with what the man had just said. “Can you believe that guy? What kind of bed side manner was that? Jumin would be classified as downright cuddly compared to that guy,” Zen bristled, a shiver climbing up his spine as he thought about both men. MC sighed as she grabbed Zen’s hand, squeezing it to steel herself for what was to come. “The last thing you need to hear before impromptu surgery is hey- you’re probably gonna kick the bucket so make sure you know who is going to get your china.” “Jaehee is going to get the China. Saeyoung my shoes,” she grinned, stroking at the smooth skin on the back of his hand absentmindedly. “Yoosung said he wanted my gear from LOLOL, V will have my sketchbook and Jumin all my cat paraphernalia. You can keep my lingerie.”

- MC was giggling until she looked up at Zen’s face, his downturned mouth and sparkling eyes clearly showed a man who was not impressed with the jokes she was telling.

“Zen, Oppa, it’s going to be okay,” she soothed, bringing his forehead to touch hers, rubbing her nose to nuzzle him. “I need you to tell me it’s okay, that we’re going to be okay.”

“You only ever call me Oppa when you want something,” Zen pouted as he returned the action, he took a deep breath in and stilled himself. MC was in his arms and she always would be. “Hey, hey I promise Jagi you are going to be fine. You are going to go in there and that aneurysm thing won’t be able to win against you, nothing can whenever you make your mind up. You’re my girl. You’re wonderful, feisty. My take no prisoners warrior queen- you’re going get out of this completely unscathed.”

- MC sniffed and pulled back, clasping his larger hands with hers, her lips twitching at the sight of it.

“But…”

“No buts, that is until you are given the okay from the doctors that you’re all good after the surgery. Then this ass is mine,” he playfully growled, grabbing a handful of her rear to lighten the mood. MC laughed, an almost strangled noise through her tears and pecked him chastely on the lips.

“But-”

“MC I know in my gut that this isn��t the end of you okay, I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, you know that right?” he said earnestly as he looked into her eyes.

- “I know but-”

“But what?”

- “My hair!” she wailed much to his surprise. “They’re going to shave a huge patch of my hair off and I’m going to look like an idiot!” she continued, fat tears rolling down her face.

- Zen stared at her nonplussed before throwing his head back in laughter. This woman was strong. She wasn’t afraid of death. She feared for her style. She was his match in every way.

- Before they took her in to prepare her, he asked a favour with the nurses at the station who wholeheartedly agreed to assist him in his quest.

- Without a second thought or the slightest hesitation he cut off his pony tail and the nurses shaved off his signature ivory locks. MC screamed in protest but he would have none of it.

“It’s you and me MC. Whatever you do, I do. Your hair will grow back with mine and we will do all of this together. So you make sure you get out of this surgery and we can get back to living our lives together,” he negotiated as they started to wheel her away. “Promise?”

“Promise!” she called out to him, holding up a pinkie finger as they rolled down the corridor.

- Everything was hazy and everything felt heavy when she prized her eyes open, but she saw her handsome Zen and knew he was saying something sweet to her and all was right in the world. She could hear him saying something, she couldn’t quite make out exactly what but she knew they were comforting and probably stupid. Ah Jagi, you look so ravishing in that hospital gown or I got you baby girl or MC! You should have heard how you raved about my skills in bed as you came down from the anaesthetic! They need to keep me in the hospital to do all sorts of tests on how it could be possible for a man to be so beautiful and so talented in the bedroom- they say it’s some sort of genetic wonderment, I say it’s all because of you.

- “Thank you for coming back to me.”

- They said they did the best they could with what they had, that she would need constant supervision for the time being and they needed to keep close observation on the aneurysm to see if their intervention measures worked. That meant for the first time in a long time Zen willingly cancelled his schedule, all of his schedule. He didn’t attend any interviews or photoshoots, no fan-meets or even any online streaming events- his only goal was to care for MC. Even when she realised it was the premiere of his biggest feature film to date, the project she had fought so hard for him to get and he worked so diligently for- nothing would sway him. His place was with her and she just needed to get over the fact that there was nothing more important to him than her.

- “Zen, don’t be a fool.”

“I’m not. That’s why I’m staying here.”

“Zen! After everything we’ve done to get to this point, you need to be there!”

“I don’t need to do anything but be here with you, you’re the only reason I’ve gotten anywhere these last 5 years!” he yelled back, clearly not budging from his stance. MC was about to retort with a snappy comeback but as she did she got a sharp pain in her head and got woozy, prompting Zen to rush over and pick her up like she were a doll and place her back on the bed all the while apologising for yelling at her and hurting her and if she really wanted him to go he would, whatever would make her feel better.

MC let out a small sniffle and outstretched her arms towards him prompting the man to lay beside her and hold her to him, his immense warm radiating into her, his body comfortable against her like a weighted blanket luring her into sleep.

“Don’t go. Stay with me.”

“Always.”

- For a time after that, everything went well.

- Her check-ups were positive and things seemed to be under control.

- Then the headaches started. Not just the kind that a few ibuprofen could handle but the kind that had her crying, pulling at her skin to stop the pain. Then she had difficulty focusing her eyes at times. It was when she was falling down and forgetting how she got on the floor that he –

“I’m here Jagi. I’m right here. Don’t be scared… oh please… please don’t cry.”

- Those dreams had come back again. And once again, he swept them away because he refused to accept them. He would change the outcome. He had already saved her once, he would do it again. He just needed time.

- The doctors were useless. Absolutely useless. He punched one right in the face, it was a miracle he didn’t sue him. Perhaps he had felt sorry for MC and paid heed to her pained pleas that he not press charges against her carer. Or in truth, perhaps he felt sorry for him, the mess of a man on his hands and knees on the floor begging him to take his life instead of hers. As if the doctor had that kind of power to grant his wish. He would never know.

- MC urged him, begged him to back to work. She would be fine. She could stay with her mother and he could pick her up and it would be fine-

“Whatever you do. I do, remember? If you’re staying here, then so am I- stop trying to get rid of me,” he scolded before attacking her with his wondrous fingers, finding every single ticklish spot on her to force her to forget such treacherous thoughts.

- He had taken a liking to making her breakfast every day and actually eating with her, a luxury that they couldn’t afford during his normal timetable; she usually grabbed a large coffee for both of them to tide them over until they got on set to snack whatever they could before sharing lunch together… when possible. How they didn’t sit down more often to eat together all those years beforehand was baffling to him, it wasn’t something he was going to take for granted again. Moments with her just truly enjoying each other’s company with some good food as they sat in their pyjamas- he wouldn’t take it for granted anymore.

- Some days he let her cook when her symptoms weren’t too severe and he wasn’t petrified she was going to chop her finger off accidentally trying to make a bowl of cereal. Zen had to duck from her attack of dry Cheerios when he had made the mistake of saying so out loud. Not that he minded, without his long hair it made cleaning himself up much easier.

- He took the opportunity of being mostly unrecognisable to the public to go out and enjoy what they could. Going to the movies like a normal couple and tenderly making out in the back row when she felt up to it like some loved up teenagers. Going window shopping and having her try on outfits she had planned to wear for his future premieres and seeing her being fawned over by shop assistants made him beam with pride. None of those dresses would ever out shine her beauty for him… but the smile she gave him as he told her she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen when she donned a particularly dull dress, stole the air from his lungs.

- Zen liked to take her out for walks around the city or they’d drive out somewhere nice to take in the sights of whichever town or park they found themselves in- until she grew too tired and he would carry her on his back like she weighed nothing, never once complaining if he had to carry her for five minutes or fifty.

- Once the snow started he rented a cabin for the week and they lounged about naked as the day they were born; at times indulging in each other and others just lying in each other’s arms in silence. Words didn’t mean too much when Zen could understand everything her eyes silently confided in him. They said she loved him, that she was grateful to him and that with him, she was safe. That she was happy.

- It was on their way back to Seoul that she had her first seizure.

- She plummeted onto the ground, thankfully covered with fresh soft snow to cradle her fall. Zen tried to talk her through it, to keep her in a safe position until help arrived and the fit ceased. Seeing her so helpless, her body betraying her so completely and him utterly powerless to help her- he wanted to scream but this wasn’t about him, it was about her and he needed to focus on her. It couldn’t have been more than two minutes until she stopped shaking and her limbs started to relax under his hands and her breathing returned to normal.

“Z-Zen?”

“I’m here Jagiya.”

“I… I’m cold,” she said turning her face to look up at him. Zen looked into her eyes, he could see what she truly meant.

- Zen, I’m scared.

- Me too MC, me too.

- The doctors did their tests. She looked so small in her hospital gown. So small and tired.

- Their interventional measures… they were no longer working.

- “There’s nothing else we can do.”

- They walked together hand in hand down the stark white hallways of the hospital not saying a word, neither knowing how to proceed. He was feeling too many emotions to even begin picking out which one he was actively experiencing at any time, he could only imagine what MC was feeling. He felt a quick squeeze of his fingers and found MC gazing up at him, with clear eyes and a weak smile on her lips.

“Let’s go home Zen.”

- There’s nothing else we can do. Let’s enjoy the rest of whatever time I have.

- He waited until she was asleep and went into the kitchen and pulled out six pack and drank, one after another, nothing able to sate the growing chasm in the pit of his stomach. When he had finished that pack he quickly checked up on MC who was still resting soundly and decided to walk down the street to the nearest convenience store and pick himself up another pack or three of any available alcoholic beverage to drown some of his sorrows. He was entitled to it god damn it, he just needed to feel nothing at all, no confusion, no to too many things to process at once - just a drunken stupor he’d regret in the morning. That’s what he needed.

- He had gotten there and filled a little cart with so many beers they threatened to topple over, so he did the only reasonable thing and drank a few right there in the store. He could hear a few people whispering about the weird guy in the back chugging down drinks like the end of the world, joke’s on them, it was ending. A world without her in it was no world worth living in.

- “Yo. Slow it down man,” he heard a familiar drawl say. He did not want to see him. He didn’t want to see anyone. Zen drained the final drop out of the bottle and turned back to see white and pink and an inordinate amount of leather. Reaching down into his cart, he picked up another can and cracked open the tab, nodding half-heartedly towards the younger Choi brother before downing another- oh shit, there it was. Blissful ignorance rushing through his veins. “Seriously man what the fuck, get a hold of yourself.”

“You know what Saeran, just fuck off okay,” he said, or slurred, who the hell knew.

“No I don’t think so,” he said waving off his friends that he had originally entered with. “What’s going on with you? Why are you doing this?” he asked, managing to pull the cart of drinks away from Zen’s hand.

“Fuck. Off. Choi,” he spat out before polishing off his drink. Saeran clucked his tongue and shook his head in pity, he didn’t need to be a genius to know that the man before him was hurting. He knew because he had felt a very similar pain before. He had tried to drown that pain and could easily recognise it in the man before him.

“Yeah yeah I heard you. I will. After I get you back home,” he said pulling at Zen’s arm and shoving some money on the counter to pay for the consumed beverages. Zen yanked his arm away from Saeran and almost lost his footing, his natural grace the only thing saving him from falling head first into the rack of glass bottled condiments.

“I’m not ready to go back yet, don’t touch me, I’m fine-”

“Sure drinking at a convenience store at 3am in the morning on a Tuesday dressed in your pyjama pants and a shirt and slippers is really the epitome of fine-”

“I don’t need this right now-”

“And that’s why I’m helping you-”

“I don’t want your god damned help-”

“And that’s why you’re getting it. Come on, don’t make this harder than-” Zen had pushed him back and sent him flying into the front desk, startling the attendant. Saeran muttered an apology and stood in front of him, feet grounded once more in case he decided to attack him once more.

“Just leave me alone, okay.”

“I can’t. MC would kill both of us if I did,” Saeran explained with his palms raised to the ceiling as if he were trying to reason with Zen that he truly had no other choice but to stick around until he finally submitted.

“MC won’t be around long enough to do anything to either of us,” Zen whispered, tear-laced lashes fanning across his cheeks as he closed his eyes, the alcohol loosening his tongue and heightening his emotional outburst. Saeran swallowed his shock for the moment, his mind quickly digesting the new information Zen had just given him. He didn’t think she was that bad but by seeing the normally suave and cocky actor looking like a homeless man trying to kill himself with alcohol was enough to know that he wasn’t being melodramatic about it. MC was going to die and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Saeran clamped his lips together to seal any shuddering breaths he had wanted to take, or any pathetic noise he was bound to make after hearing one of his closest friends was not long for this world. Breathing deeply from his nose and exhaling strongly through his mouth, Saeran nodded to himself as he made up his mind.

“All the more reason for you to get home to her.”

- Zen had wanted to fight him, to pick up another drink and just sit in the corner of the store and pretend just for a little bit longer that this wasn’t happening. But it wasn’t the truth. It was happening. And every second away from MC felt like another needle to his heart. If he didn’t have long left with her, no matter how long it was, shouldn’t he be with her as much as humanly possible?

- “Saeran… can I still get that ride?”

Saeran smiled and dangled the car keys from his right index finger.

“Sure. But if you puke in car I’m telling ‘Young you did it and you can be at his mercy for stinking up his baby.”

- He stumbled into their apartment and wandered back into the bedroom. MC still asleep.

- Zen tiptoed into the room and watched over her prone form, the rise and fall of her chest enough to ease the dread in his heart that she had left him while he was away drinking himself into oblivion. Slipping under the covers carefully, he cautiously took her into his embrace and allowed the tip of his nose to trace at her warm, soft skin, still clinging to the scent of their soap from their bath together earlier in the day.

- Everyday. Every minute. Every second. Always. He would never leave her side.

- MC was getting worse, even though neither of them was saying it, it was obvious her health was in decline. The pain in her head so strong that she couldn’t make a sound as she buried her head in her arms and shook on the bed, her mouth open to scream with no sound but stifled noises from the top of her throat able to come out. Sometimes even the softest ambient light hurt her and she would encase herself in total darkness, letting herself succumb to self-pity and allowed herself mourn the loss of what could have been.

- Still Zen tried his best to maintain the most normal of lives for her. They would eat in bed by candlelight. He would push her in a wheelchair around the city and he would put on fashion shows for her as she was too tired or weak to do it herself. They would watch black and white movies because they hurt her eyes less and they would drive- drive for hours sometimes just to see the world pass by and pretend that nothing else mattered but the two of them.

- “Hey Jagi?” he called out to her as he washed the dishes from lunch.

“Mmm?” she hummed back, sitting up in bed as she tried to read a book. It was a good day. Her vision wasn’t swimming and she could focus. It was so nice to be able to see Zen again.

“It’s a really nice day outside, you feeling up for a quick walk?” he chimed, turning off the water and made his way back to their bedroom to lean against the door frame. His hair had grown back much faster than hers she noted, the longest strands able to reach the end of his ears whereas she only managed to have the shortest of pixie cuts come through upon her head. She half joked she looked like an egg and Zen answered that it was no wonder he enjoyed heating her up and eating her. She scoffed at him and slapped him the next morning when he boiled up some eggs and drew their likenesses on the shells.

MC tested her limbs, first her arms and then her legs, everything seemed fine and she thought she could even walk a little on her own today- she was so sick of being stuck at home and being coddled between the couch and the bed, the bed and the dining table, the dining table to the bathroom. She wanted to feel the grass beneath her feet, if only for a moment. Feel the sun on her face without having a window between her and the rays. Hear children playing instead of trucks go past their house. Yes. Yes she wanted to go for a walk.

- Zen had helped her into the bath with him; he carefully washed her hair and scrubbed her back, pressing kisses on every new spot his hands had just cleaned. She was so relaxed she almost fell asleep until he asked if she had changed her mind about their outing and she sprang back up like a puppy being asked if they wanted to go out. Perhaps she was just like that. Not the way she’d imagined wearing a collar and lead with Zen but at this point she’d take whatever adventure she could get. Zen questioned the amused expression on her face but she refused to let him know the reasoning behind her secret merriment. She didn’t want to give him any ideas.

- She asked which park they were going to and he answered the one that was closest to them. MC pouted as he helped her get dressed in a pretty sundress she hadn’t worn for almost a year and a light cardigan to keep any chill away from her. She decided not to sulk too much, he probably chose the location because it was close to home and if she needed to go back if she had any symptom flare ups, she would be grateful to be back home as quickly as possible.

- The drive there took no longer than a couple of minutes and after finding a carpark quickly Zen had prepared to get her wheelchair out only for her to stop him, telling him that she wanted to try to stretch the cobwebs out of her legs to which he only smiled back and nodded. MC looked out of windscreen, there was some sort of party being held not too far from them. She could see some kids running and some people all gathered around and enjoying themselves and she felt an envious smile slip across her face. When was the last time she’d been well enough to attend a party? Goodness, nearly four months at least. Yoosung had practically cried when she and Zen had entered through the door, the blonde man clearly very drunk, enhancing his already tearful welcome.

- “Do you think we could steal some cake from that party over there?” she cheekily asked Zen as he opened her door and helped her stand up, her legs giving a tentative wobble as she acclimated herself. Her boyfriend smirked and had that devious glint in his eye that she only knew too well.

“Why don’t we go over and ask?”

- MC’s eyes widened as she realised that he absolutely meant to do as she asked. She swatted at him impatiently, telling him he was an idiot and that she didn’t mean it, she was just joking and…

- Those kids were her niece and nephews running around.

- The people congregated around were her mother and father, her sister, the RFA and some of Zen’s co-stars from their last project- this was for her?

- Jaehee came over with the biggest smile she had ever seen and placed a crown of flowers on her head and supplied her with a modest bouquet of wildflowers made up of her favourite blooms from their numerous nature walks, before kissing her on the cheek and walking away.

“What… what is… what is all this?” she asked, her heart constricting at the sight of all her favourite people around them, all smiling and some even crying. She turned to where Zen had been only to find her father come up behind her, his face ruddy with emotion as he offered his arm out to her. The other hand motioning for her to look ahead as she Zen positioning himself at what looked like an altar covered in the same wildflowers, Saeran behind him and Jaehee on the other side.

- MC could barely breathe, her heart soaring at the sight of the man she loved more than anything, waiting for her at the end of the aisle. His beaming face lighting up the area better than the sun ever could, his eyes fixed only on her and nothing else. He simply mouthed the words will you marry me and she nodded, so hard she thought she would her head would fall off, causing his smile to grow even more as he held out his open hand to her- just waiting for her to come to him.

- MC released a choked laugh as she clung onto her father’s arm, her other hand wrapped around the bouquet tightly to confirm this wasn’t just another dream, this was happening and it was real.

- When they finally reached Zen, her father placed a kiss on her temple and whispered words of love in her ear before taking a seat next to her sobbing mother. She took his hand and yes, thank god yes, it was all real.

- The ceremony was short, it had to be to ensure she would be able to endure it but she didn’t care. She would have stood there for days on end if it meant being able to marry the man beside her. Neither of them could take their eyes off each other, both having to be prompted by the wedding minister to answer “I do”.

- Their first kiss as man and wife was tinged with the salt of both their tears but nothing tasted sweeter to them. Not even the cake that MC had ‘stolen’ a slice of.

- The drive home, MC couldn’t stop smiling at the light glinting off their matching plain white gold bands, simple and elegant just like Zen was, the meaning behind the ring far more important than the kind of ring it was.

- He had promised a whole week of it just being them, no doctors, no visitors, nothing she didn’t want to do. It was just going to be her and him, the occasional bowl of cereal and their bed.

- Married life was much as the same as life before, nothing apart the signing of paper and rings to prove anything was different between them. However the knowledge that he was officially her husband and she his wife, it added a pep to his step, a deeper renewed vigour to continue to care for her no matter the outcome.

- She slept longer than normal, but after the excitement of the last couple of days he couldn’t blame her for being tired. She at least wasn’t complaining of pain anymore and her eyes weren’t too bad for the most part.

- It was into the second week of their elongated honeymoon after he had done his best to alleviate her sore neck as they sat on the couch that MC turned to him, her eyes wide with revelation.

“What is it Jagi?” he asked, massaging her head and relishing the feel of her soft hair on his palm. She hummed appreciatively and leaned into his touch, earning her a smile from her husband.

“We never had a first dance, at our wedding- we didn’t get to dance!” she said dreamily, still mesmerized by feel of his hands on her. Zen hadn’t wanted to push his luck during the wedding, he didn’t want to exert her too much and cause a random headache to appear or cause her any embarrassment if her legs tired in front of their guests, he knew how much she hated showing anyone her weakness- even him. Maybe him most of all. Though here, in the confines of their home, with only him and her, perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to indulge in their first dance.

- Zen put on their favourite song on his phone and stood up with a flourish, executing his most perfect bow to his wife, his hand outstretched to her once again as she sat before him on the couch. MC laughed as she demurely bowed her head and slid her hand into his. He carefully helped her off the seat and locked his free arm around her middle, the curve of her waist fitting perfectly into the crook on his elbow. He had started to sing along to the music knowing how much MC enjoyed hearing him sing to her, MC joining in as much as she could in the parts she was sure her voice wouldn’t crack in. Zen didn’t care even if it did, he loved singing with her, off key and off pitch- it never mattered. The woman he loved was singing with him, nothing would ever sound as good as their voices together.

- Zen skilfully lifted her as he spun around, putting her feet on top of his as he could feel her start to waver in her steps, her hands griping his own so tightly.

“I’m so glad you’re my husband,” she said as she lay her head against his chest, suddenly too heavy to keep up on her own. Zen chuckled and pressed a kiss against her forehead as he continued to dance for them both.

“I told you Jagi, it’s going to be me and you forever.”

“Always, right?” she asked quietly, closing her eyes to listen to the sound of his heartbeat, so strong in her ear.

“Always,” he affirmed, bringing up her hand to kiss the back of it before placing it against chest beside her face. Only for it to fall down loose beside her.

- Zen stopped for a moment, it wasn’t the first time her limbs had failed her but never so suddenly.

“Jagi, you getting tired on me?”

- …

- “… Jagi.”

- …

- “… Jagiya.”

- …

- He couldn’t loosen his grip on her. He knew if he did her whole body would fall within his embrace and… to see her listless… lifeless… that wasn’t his MC. That wasn’t his wife.

- So Zen cupped the back of her head with his other arm lifting her up against him, her feet dangling above his as he continued to sway them back and forth to the music. And long after it finished.

- “I’m… I’m so glad to be your husband MC.”

- When his feet ached so much he could no longer stand and his arms burned to the point of numbness, both of them fell to the ground, his face buried in her chest as he cried the tears of man who would never learn to dance with another again. His feet only knew the beat she set for them. Zen would dance with her again one day but until then, they would remain still. Until he found her again.

- Always.

#mystic messenger #mysme fanfic #zen #zen x mc #hyun ryu #mysme headcanon #angst

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royalstorm · 4 years ago

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✨ character study #11 — keqing and her parents ( part 2 / ? ) .

Sneaking out of the mansion proved easier than fifteen year old Keqing initially believed.

The maids had always rambled on and on and on about its labyrinth-like design. In fact, they’d been so enthralled by the grandiose of it all that they even retrieved the mansion’s schematics one day. They were abuzz for all but ten minutes until her father had passed them by, to which they scattered, likes leaves in the autumn breeze. Ten minutes — not long enough for Keqing to properly study the fine details, but later on, after lessons, she reclaimed the schematics for herself.

The hidden halls were intended for the aristocratic family, after all. She was simply putting them to use.

She fumbled with the collar of the coat she’d “borrowed” from one of the butlers. It was at least three sizes too large, but she managed to amend the issue by wrapping her dress’ violet sash around her waist (it’d pass as an avant-garde fashion statement, she figured). Aside from her lilac, silver-in-the-sunlight hair, she easily passed as a Liyuen local.

No one stopped to look at her. A vendor attempted to wave her over to his kite stand, and admittedly, she was tempted for a moment (she’d never flown a kite before) ... but only for a moment. Shaking the idea off, Keqing continued to walk on — a giddy smile upon her lips, a spring in her step she never realized she had.

She kept a hand planted firm on her chest. Was it alright for her heart to beat and beat and beat that rapidly? That loudly? Still, she pressed on, undeterred.

It was a brisk stroll past the shops, past some homes, and then –

Mt. Tianheng towered over her — over all, grassy green slopes bristling in the wind as if to greet her. Her grin deepened, the thundering of her heart following suit.

She took off in a sprint. The sash gripping her waist loosened, before crumpling to the ground almost immediately after. Keqing was out of breath — chest rising and collapsing with effort — by the time she reached the foot of the mountain. She tripped and fell her first attempt to scale it, but nevertheless, she was beaming, blissful.

She would try again.

And try again, she did.

An hour later, and Keqing was bordering the summit. She came to a rest atop one of the wider ledges, seating herself in a fashion that her father would have deemed “unladylike”. A defiant laugh caught in her throat. Not that he was there to nag her about that ... why should she have to sit cross-legged, spine stiff straight? Especially when her legs felt like uncooked tofu?

What’d once been a singular laugh evolved into a string of giggles as she fully surrendered to her fatigue — to her freedom. With a final simper, Keqing laid herself down, rolling, rolling, rolling the way her ball of yarn would when she crocheted.

Five or so ledges down was when she decided to stop, flopping onto her back, limbs splayed out. Her breathing slowed as she stared up at the iridescent colors oscillating in waves in the sky.

Her father loved it here, she recalled, vaguely ... that’s what he had relayed to her on one of their better days, fingers brushing through a tangle in her hair. It was on the summit of this very mountain that her father had proposed to the woman he was arranged to be wed to — the one he eventually fell in love with ... an act of duty becoming one of choice.

It hadn’t occurred to Keqing as romantic at the time ... but as she squinted at the fraying orange hues lining the clouds, she felt inclined to reconsider.

She sighed. Sitting back up, Keqing kicked off her shoes, wiggling her toes in the grass.

The late afternoon bled quickly into evening, all spent in a daze of descending Mt. Tianheng ... and then — flower-picking. A bouquet of reds and blues and pinks flourished in her arms until she had woven her way to the mouth of a river.

Kneeling down, Keqing unfastened her hair pin and used it to trim their stems.

A certain wistfulness softened her once giddy grin. Had her father picked flowers here to offer to her mother? Had her father sat in this same place with her mother at his side? She offered a hand to the river, gently lending drops of its cool waters to her flower bouquet, petal by petal.

Keqing supposed it’d been a while since her mother had returned here. Easier, she reasoned, to occupy herself with flow charts and business meetings — all that he had left behind, instead of uselessly sifting through memories.

It was there, an hour later, that Weng found her, eyes red, mouth a thin line.

Keqing stared down at her dirt covered nails, her grass-stained stockings. With a sigh, Weng settled down, folding her legs into a lotus pose, and took stock of her daughter’s bouquet.

“You nearly gave the maids a heart attack, you know.”

“Yes, well ... I don’t find that too odd considering how Yari almost choked on her chop suey when I curtsied 'improperly’ at that suitor from Fontaine.” She ghosted a thumb over one glaze lily’s petals.

"He was from Inazuma,” Weng hummed matter-of-factly. She reached forth and plucked a silk flower from Keqing’s bouquet. “And what about me?”

Keqing crinkled her nose, electing not to respond.

“You could have asked for permission.”

“And you would have said no.”

An exasperated sigh. And then, Weng does something she’d never done, or at least, not based on what Keqing remembered. She claimed her daughter’s hands in hers, tugging her closer. Keqing’s shoulders stiffened — her mouth agape, dry . The bouquet in her grasp plummeted to the ground unceremoniously. Still, she did not break their contact.

“I loved him,” her mother said. “I loved him, ma hua.”

Keqing clenched her eyes shut.

Her mother ran a gentle hand through her hair. “As I do you. More than I can bear, at times.”

“I just –” Keqing’s voice shook, “– It’s nearly his birthday. And while I’ve never been here with him ... I thought that maybe he would think fondly on me picking him some flowers — that, perhaps then — we could be whole.” Unwittingly, she squeezed her mother’s hands. “He loved you, too. He told me ... once. I wanted that love to come back, and I wanted to be a part of that love. I don’t remember which flowers he liked in particular ... I don’t believe I remember his favorite color either, actually. Even then, I suppose it hardly matters since he’s de—”

“Yellow,” her mother spoke up, clearing her throat. “He loved yellow.”

Keqing fell silent. Her mother undid their hands, enveloping her into the warmest embrace she’d ever felt.

“Could we come out here next week for his birthday?” she whispered meekly. She may as well have been a child once again. “And the year after that? Please?”

Her mother’s arms tightened around her. “Yes. Yes, we shall, ma hua.”

There they stayed for some time until Keqing shimmied out of her hold, having lost the feeling in her arms. Her mother let her, and then she was off ... running — practically flying — through the grass in a manner that her father would once again chide her for.

When they finally returned to the mansion, the maids were beet red in the face — Yari, especially. Keqing clasped one hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly.

“It’s quite alright! As you can see, Mother ended up finding me, so we—”

She turned back to look at Weng, but she had already disappeared.

Somewhere, just below Mt. Tianheng, so had her flower bouquet.

Keqing swallowed the disappointment whole. With half lidded eyes, she permitted Yari to escort her back to her room.

#wbk asian kids often have complicated relationships with their parents #anyway #death mention //#* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .#* WRITING / my wit ? as sharp as keqing's sword .

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hedgefairy · 4 years ago

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Okay, I know, I know, it's already old news, everybody and their uncle in the costuming community has already talked it over, but anyhoo, I made notes when I crawled my way through effing Bridgerton and I will be damned if I don't vomit them onto this site. I have 32 pages of this shit, I'm not gonna throw that away.

I'm also typing this on my phone because I'm stuck on a trainride that's just doubled in length because this is the 2021 Northern German snow storm. What, there's snowflakes on the rails? We cannot possibly keep up our schedule, say goodbye to 90% of the connections.

Okay, on to Bridgerton, Episode 1

We're in Britain (oh, London, okay), allegedly 1813. I see people who are clearly meant to be asympatico, but is this size incusivity I spot there? Daring! Gasp! Me li...

Oh wait, no. The character is promptly shamed for her figure (which is mostly caused by the horrible cut of her dress. Every size can look great in Regency garb, but never mind, we need to make the "fat one" look bad!).

Also, no shifts under the stays. Why. There was obviously enough budget, don't tell me you couldn't afford a few strappy tops - it's not like the rest is historically accurate, so it would have sufficed to send some poor underpaid intern to H&M and get some. Nvm, that wouldn't be sexay.

Wait, is the garishly dressed (always a sign of a character of bad character in a costume drama) woman Delphine from Selfridge? Does she always have to play bitches? That's not nice, and just because she has a recognisable face, which by modern (read: americanised) standards is not favourable enough. Ugh. But I like the actress, so I'll let it slide (for now).

Lol, buttocks.

Not sure about the girls' dresses. Also, the Queen is a WOC, cool!

Oh no, one of the Featherington sisters faints! But that's okay because the Featheringtons are just comic relief and foil anyway.

I get weird incest vibes from the Bridgertons.

So the court is clearly 18th century and the show is set in the 1810s. I've by now seen several explanations for this decision, I still think it robs the Queen of reproductions of her actual historical gowns which were heavily inspired by the 18th century but so. Magnificently. Weird. It would have been so neat, and more of a "hey, I'm kinda out of touch with things" vibe, but hey, I'm not the one getting paid for making those taffeta gowns here (her hair is glorious, tho).

I'm very into the intro.

That Regency gossip girl is a real b, not unlike the Dowager Countess of Downton (unpopular opinion, I think she's pretty overrated, yes, I like Maggie Smith).

Again, no shifts.

Where do I know the "pragmatic" Bridgerton sister from? Ah, it's The Paradise. And Jonathan Strange. (Wait, she's my age. And she's supposed to be a teenager. Man, do I love a good Dawson casting. I like the actress, though, she has a face ™!).

Aaaah. We get it. She's the spirited one. She also doesn't care about dresses because she's not like other girls™. I really like her voice (but she still doesn't sound like a teenager).

The heck is up with Lady F's dress and that of her friend? Oh, yeah. Antagonist fashion.

Of course the Featheringtons are Horrid Hags™ aside from Penny who's nice, but the pudgy one (at least we don't get a case of "she's not conventionally attractive so she's bad").

Oooh, the cousin! Supposed to suck, but ofc she's a stunner, and only Penny (who's the nice one, remember!) is delighted to have her around. She's also a POC, which is nice but apparently that means she does not follow fashion, hair-wise. I would have loved to see some Regency hair on her, it would have been so pretty *cries in Greek updo*

Ugh, we're still in Ep. 1, typing this on my phone was a bad idea.

Lady Danbury and the Duke guy are delightful with each other (more POC! So neat!).

The girl the oldest Bridgerbro screws is apparently a singer, which isn't up to status for his doucheship, and she doesn't wear a shift.

The music at the ball sounds like something from the Top 40s, but I'm woefully ignorant of contemporary music charts so I can't tell what it is. I like it when they do that in historical-ish works, making well-known pop or rock stuff work for the ambience (ugh, that dance scene to Golden Years in Knight's Tale. My heart. In a good way.)

I dig the Ducktail hair of Penny's crush. Oh, wait, that's a Bridgerbro. I don't quite get why the hair trends of the time don't apply to the POC characters or extras, but seeing how most white characters also show a shameful disregard for the weirdnes and gloriosity (that's not a word) that is early 1800s hair (the 1830s take the cake, tho) despite those hairdos being basically designed for white people hair, I don't think I care much (well, I do, but about all of them). Overall the hair is horrid and not very 1810s. Let's just leave it at that.

Like a good old romance novel (I've since been told that Bridgerton is supposed to be a pastiche of such novels, but I really couldn't tell from the series, not at all, and I'm not inclined to read the books) we have

a pretty, kind, superpure daughter of the main family

the mean matriarch (could have been an aunt, too, but here she's the mum) of the rivalling or antagonist family

a spirited daughter of the main family (in most romance novels this would be our heroine but so far she refreshingly lacks a love interest and pretty daughter seems to get the most screen time)

a Horrid Suitor™

a Hot Suitor™ who doesn't want attention

a really good and doting good parent

Lol, misheard Greece for Grease with Ducktail Bridgerbro, whose name is Colin, apparently. This is funny because of his Danny Zuko memorial hair.

Overall a bit too much bling for my taste, and too few pearls. It looks like an episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen with a Regency theme.

Of course the romance is going to be the Pretty One aka. Daphne and the Duke and he's even bros with her eldest bro. Wait, are they exes? I can haz bi? No? Aww, shucks. Maybe in another episode (spoiler: no).

Okay, WHAT is it with Lady F's dresses and hair. Like, she reminds me of Mars Attacks. Which, as you might remember, was not set in the Regency period.

Lord B (Bridgerbro the Eldest) sucks, he's screwing Opera Girl without any intention of marrying her but he's bitchy about his sister being ogled by his Eton (or wherever) bestie?

Oh, I'm in Hamburg now. And my train back home got canceled, so back to Berlin it is because there's not a single option to get to Hanover tonight, at least that's what the lady from the train station is saying, "oh well, you'll have to go back and try again tomorrow", so that's awesome...

Honestly, if it weren't so late and I didn't have things to do at home I'd find this terribly exciting.

Back to Bridgerton!

Where were we? Ah.

I can't even read my own annotation. Something about George III. I think I was upset about how they totally ignored that it's called Regency because George IV acted as the regent king, and he doesn't even feature in the series, I guess because they wanted to play up the Queen? Not a fan, because thanks to Horrible Histories I'm quite fond of that guy.

Again, no shifts.

Oh, look, it's Horrid Suitor™, destined for leftovers.

The Featherington cousin gets all the attention but no fleshed-out character.

Penny Featherington's dog is named Lord Byron, which ❤️

I like the Duke! He's there, drinking in his club (even though they're a patriarchal remnant of the past I have a weird appreciation for stuffy Gentlemen's Clubs, I blame Bertie Wooster and the Drones), calling Lord B out for his general fuckery.

Oh no, Ducktail Colin is more into the Cousin than Penny, who obviously pines for him!

Thank you, Lord B, for enabling Horrid Suitor™. Nobody asked you to be such a fucktwit.

The Queen is, of course, a bit of a bitch, but patronage from cool Lady *scrolls up for name* Danbury ensues for Protagonist Girl™ Daphne.

"I wish they had found a better trend language", what the heck did I even mean by that? That's what you get for just scribbling down notes while watching and simultaneously sewing. 18th century pants, in case you wanted to know.

Cousin is angry, probably because Lady F behaves like Cinderella's evil stepmother, because Cousin is prettier than her daughters and gets, like, all the suitors because Lord B bitched away everyone who wanted to get into Daphne's dowry ifyouknowwhatImeanwinkwinknudgenudge, right across the street into Cousins parlour.

The Bridgertons are annoyingly perfect. Ugh.

Oh look, it's "banter" between Daphne and Dukey! It's so Pride & Prejudice! It's almost a tiny bit Shakespeare! I put banter in parentheses because wow, nope, I'm not getting any chemistry here.

Uh, Lady B calls out Lord B (aka. her son aka. Bridgerbro the Eldest) for his screwery with Opera Girl and his outpimpery of his sister to Horrid Suitor™, buuuurrrrrnnn. He promptly calls of his affair with Opera Girl.

No shifts!

Penny gets to dance with Ducktail Colin at the thing! Good for her, but it's a country dance with jumping and fun, because she's a) the pudgy character and b) a Featherington, so it can't be something romantic and pretty (I personally like country dances, but they aren't protagonist dances).

Oooh, Cousin had her period, oh no, oh snap, oh she didn't, because she's PREGNANT! Shit, that's problematic, and not because she's an unmarried woman in the 1810s, but because she gets close to no lines at all so far, and suddenly she's pregnant and telling Lady F that she sucks for being privileged, violence ensues, this is ugly. Man, I get what some critics mean by "the POC actors*actresses get all the problems" and that not exactly being great.

Horrid Suitor™ makes property claims about Daphne, eeewwwww, thanks to Lord B's general suckiness, ewww, r@pe attempt ensues, was that really necessary? It doesn't really fit in with the rest of the series and generally nope, yay, broken nose! (which was indeed totally necessary). Nice one, and probably the only scene so far (spoiler: overall) in which I actually like Daphne. Dukey thinks a mean left hook is attractive, and, generally speaking, he's not wrong.

Daphne and Dukey come up with a pseudo-shakespearean plot to pretend to be totally into each other so she can attract suitors by being not available and he gets not to have fangirls by being not available, and as someone who has read a few too many historical-ish bodice rippers I know exactly where this is going. I mean, come on.

I can't see enough of the following choreography to complain about it. Man, I miss historical dance classes.

And that concludes Ep. 1! Finally! Thank you for getting this far, sorry for all of it (especially typos, it's the bane of unwanted autocorrect), I guess?

Update on the train situation: I've been told by the ticket control person that I shouldn't get my hopes up until noon tomorrow.

To be continued,

because I didn't take these 32 pages of notes for nothing.

#Bridgerton #Hedgewatch #historical costuming #Well not really because wow these costumes #Thank you for travelling with Deutsche Bahn #2021 norther Germany snow storm #Trainwriting #Snarky commentary #I wish I was better at captions but it's late and I've been wearing a mask for four hours straight now and I'm hungry #Bridgerbore

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