#i have monday off i can focus art stuff then

[flowerakatsuka]

thinking about the magic set from hesokuri wars rn... i still can't get over how they dropped in that detail about how kara doesn't talk about how he lost his leg. either whatever happened was such an unpleasant experience that he doesn't like discussing it.... or he just lost it in an extremely stupid way.

[libraryofgage]

The Prince and the Metalhead (2)

Part of: Steve Deserves Good Parents, Actually

Debbie and Fester Addams One | Two | Three | Four Rick and Evelyn O'Connell One | Two | Three Harley Quinn One 10th Doctor and Rose One | Two (on the way!) Scooby Gang (there are plans for this one lmao, so plz be patient with me orz) Jedidiah and Octavius (from Night at the Museum) One Queen Clarisse Renaldi One | Two (you're here!)

I know I just posted part one but I've got Thoughts for this AU that include: Steve's first birthday in Genovia and then his 16th, his conversation with his grandmother about attending public school in America for his senior year, and then we get into him attending Hawkins High and meeting Eddie!

So, yeah, plans lmao

Anyway, if you see any typos, no you didn't ;)

------

"You'll have a rotating course schedule. Mondays and Wednesdays will focus on math and social studies. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be science and literature. Friday will be Royalty lessons and the history of Genovia. We can also include an elective, if you'd like."

Steve blinks, staring at Sue for a moment before glancing at Jonathan and Robin. Jonathan is looking through a book of photography and Robin is idly scratching behind Dart’s ears. "Will we all have the same elective?" Steve asks.

"Not unless Jonathan and Robin want to join you," Sue says, looking at Steve expectantly. She's got a pen at the ready to write down what he says, and it suddenly feels like a lot of pressure.

Is there a wrong answer here? Is there an answer that gets him sent back to his parents? He looks down, biting the inside of his cheek so hard he tastes blood. Before he can lose himself in his thoughts, a cold and wet nose presses against his hand. Steve blinks, smiling at Dart and picking her up to hold close. "What kind of electives are there?" he asks.

Sue hums softly, flipping to another page on her clipboard. "Possible electives include art, music, theatrical performance, physical education, equestrian studies, botany, and foreign languages, to name a few."

"I'll be taking photography lessons," Jonathan says, looking up at Steve and gesturing to his book.

Robin nods and leans back on her palms. "I'll be doing the physical stuff. Like learning how to fight and practicing ballet to improve my balance," she says, leveling a look at Steve that dares him to say anything about the ballet.

Steve wouldn't, though. He doesn't want to make Robin angry enough to ditch him. He looks down at Dart, thinking for a moment before asking, "Can I take more than one?"

"Of course, but you're limited to three for now," Sue says.

What would be the most helpful? Foreign languages, probably, since he'll definitely have to speak with ambassadors from other countries at some point. He should also learn something that can be shown off, a skill that he could pull out at functions to make his grandmother proud or distract guests.

"What language should I learn?" he asks.

Sue thinks for a moment, tapping her pen against her chin. "Mandarin. It's a business language, and we have close relations with a few representatives from China and Hong Kong. If you'd like to learn a Romantic language first, though, Spanish is good."

"I'll learn Mandarin," Steve decides, nodding once to himself. "And music. I want to learn to play...hmm...the piano."

With a nod, Sue writes his electives down. "Let me know if you'd like to add an elective later, Your Highness. In my opinion, though, your current courses will keep you properly challenged for now."

------------------------

Sue wasn't kidding about his academics being challenging. Steve struggles in math, muddles his way through science, drags himself through literature, and is ready to drop when he hits social studies. He'd ask the tutors to spend more time on topics, but Robin and Jonathan seem to have no problem keeping up, and Steve can't bring himself to disrupt their pace.

His Mandarin lessons are going just slightly better if only because the tutor seems to recognize that slower is better for him. After almost a month, he's starting to understand intonation and vocal variation better, and he can recognize a few characters on sight.

Piano lessons are also going well. His tutor there doesn't burden him with theory; she introduces the keys, shows him how to read sheet music, and then lets him choose songs to learn. Steve feels the most at ease when he's squinting at sheet music and slowly pressing piano keys into something recognizable.

The lessons he really looks forward to, however, are the ones for his Royalty Education. He gets to see his grandmother then, and she spends the whole day with him. Even better, something about this stuff just clicks. He's good at fixing his posture and memorizing silverware placement. He bows just right on his first try and his grandmother compliments his wave.

By the end of the lesson, she'll be smiling, her pride obvious, and take him for a walk in the gardens or to eat cookies in the kitchen.

"Royalty requires maintenance," Clarisse says, standing in front of Steve with relaxed shoulders. "You maintain your demeanor, your image, your knowledge of foreign dignitaries, your understanding of the people’s needs, and your humility. But you must also maintain your pride and your boundaries."

"That sounds like a lot," Steve says, idly tugging at the hem of his shirt.

"It can be overwhelming, but it becomes second nature in time," Clarisse explains, smiling reassuringly. "When you're royalty, you are constantly watched. Many eyes are kind or curious, but others are malicious, and you want to do everything you can to disappoint the malicious ones."

"How?"

"By acting like the Crown Prince you are."

"What kind of prince am I?" Steve asks, finally voicing the question that's been lingering since these lessons started. What kind of prince does his grandmother want? What kind of prince would best serve the people? What kind of prince will be so loved by all that nobody could even think of thinking about getting rid of him?

Clarisse hums, thinking for a moment. "I suppose a good one," she says, her slight smile telling Steve that she's only lightly teasing. "My hope is that you'll be kind and competent. You will make Genovia prosperous without compromising tradition. You won't allow politics to stand in the way of doing what's right by the people of Genovia. But this is a tiring job, so I hope you'll learn how to balance your duties with relaxation."

It's a lot, but Steve can do it. He can be that kind of prince, especially for the country and grandmother that's offered everything he's ever wanted and more. He nods once. "Okay," he says, "What do I need to learn, then?"

Clarisse smiles fondly at him. "Let's start by reviewing Genovian history. Only by knowing the past can you face the future."

With that, she places a book on Steve's desk and doesn't wait for him to open it before telling him about Genovia's founding.

------------------------

Steve has weekends off from classes, which leaves him with more free time than he knows what to do with when he doesn't have to clean a house or make his own meals. So, he's bored, and telling Robin that he was bored was a huge mistake after she suggested riding bikes around the garden only to learn Steve didn't know how.

She'd insisted that he should learn, insisted that Clarisse be the one who teaches him, and insisted on hearing no objections.

And now he's here, standing in front of Clarisse's desk and staring down at his feet as she finishes writing something on the paper in front of her. Joe is standing just to her right, hands behind his back.

"Okay," Clarisse says, gently placing her pen on the desk before looking at Steve with an encouraging smile. "What did you want to ask me, Steve?"

Steve bites the inside of his cheek, takes a deep breath, and looks up. "Well, um, Robin wants to ride bikes, but I don't know how," he says.

"Well, that's easily fixed," Clarisse says, reaching for a phone at the corner of her desk. "I'm sure a member of staff is free to teach you."

Before she can pick up the phone, Steve finds himself blurting out, "Well, I...I was hoping...you could teach me."

Clarisse freezes, blinking twice with confusion before looking at Steve. "You want me to teach you?" she asks. When Steve nods once, she sighs softly. "A queen does not ride bikes. Besides, I have too much work to complete. Perhaps I could accompany you for a walk this evening to make up for it."

Despite himself, despite bracing for rejection, it still hurts. In the three months he's been in Genovia, Clarisse has agreed to just about every request he's made. Every held breath as he waits for cruel words has been released with unprecedented relief when none came. Even when he broke something---a priceless vase, according to Jonathan---his grandmother had simply surveyed the damage, thanked him for being honest, and asked him to avoid kicking soccer balls in the presence of priceless vases in the future.

Perhaps Steve has gotten too comfortable. He shouldn't be pushing like this. If he wants his grandmother's affection, he should know when to hold himself back.

So, despite the unfamiliar urge to ask again in case Clarisse might change her mind, Steve nods once. "I look forward to walking with you, Grandmother," he says, his voice quiet. He glances up, waiting long enough to see Clarisse's smile before turning on his heel and leaving the office as quickly as he can.

Clarisse watches him go, her head slightly tilted as the door closes silently behind Steve. She nods once, glad that Steve is sensible enough to understand things like work and propriety, and picks up her pen once more.

"If I may speak freely, Your Majesty?" Joe asks.

"At this point, Joe, you may as well assume the answer is yes."

"With all due respect, Your Majesty, and please pardon my French, my experience has been that assuming makes an ass out of you and me."

It takes a moment for Clarisse to understand the joke. When she does, she can't help her amused smile. "Fair enough," she says, "Go ahead, Joe."

"Do you remember what I said about being Steve's grandmother?"

"Yes, of course."

"Perhaps now is one of those moments where being a grandmother is more important than being a queen. His Highness does not ask for much, and he is not the kind to ask more than once, even if he really wants something. I imagine it took a significant amount of courage to ask you to teach him in the first place."

"Are you suggesting that I...I risk making a fool of myself for all to see?" Clarisse asks.

"I am suggesting you spend time with your grandson, who asks very little of you because he does not believe he can ask for anything."

Clarisse is silent a moment, letting Joe's words process and settle in her brain. Finally, she sighs and gestures to the papers on her desk. "I have work to complete," she says.

"Your Majesty, editing these proposals was on your schedule two weeks from now. You are ahead of your work. A break would not be unreasonable or unwarranted."

Well, when he puts it like that.

Clarisse sighs, leans back in her chair, and looks up at Joe. He's still staring at the door, giving no indication that he feels her eyes on him, but she knows he does. "Have a groundskeeper retrieve bikes and safety gear and meet us in the garden," she says, standing from her chair and bracing herself to look like an utter fool.

Her apprehension fades away fifteen minutes later. It can't hold last when she sees Steve's surprised and delighted expression at her presence. As she helps him put on knee and elbow pads, shows him how to pull the helmet's strap tight, and holds the bike steady as he sits on it, Clarisse decides a little foolishness is perfectly fine (necessary, even) if it will keep the smile on Steve's face.

------------

Tag List (let me know if you'd like to be added to future parts!)

@y4r3luv, @potato-of-the-lord,

[dragonitepaw]

Happy Metadad Monday!! 💙🌸

We're back - sorry its been a bit 🥲 I wanted to take a small break after finishing my final year art project before jumping straight back into some art :)

I also did some minor rendering this time round,, go me 🎉

If you didn't see my previous post, I'm hosting a collab based around the Kirby anime (i love that show so much 💞) where each participant chooses an episode to create a piece of artwork off of - the link with more information again is in my previous post about the collab :)

I'm glad to be finished with uni now, I can finally have a bit of a relax and focus on some personal projects for a while :) thats about where I'm at currently in terms of life stuff :P I have so many ideas for things I want to create so keep an eye out for art, crafts and writing alike !!

Wishing everyone a lovely week 💜

[kit-williams]

Masterlist

Hi decided to actually make a masterlist because it's probably for the best.

Things to know: I will write from a mainly female pov/perspective and it will for the most part be monogamous hetro relationships (in the terms of genitals) I won't do fxf or mxm or trans because that's not how I grew up and I'm god awful at writing homosexual sex (genderbend I can do) Another no: Adultry/cheating/spouse(or partner) thievery

Asks are open

Come buy me a coffee

Number of asks waiting to be answered: 15

My Ao3 (I havent updated a story on there since like 2016 I'm scared to even let ya'll see it but I might post the AU on there)

So I mainly write Halo, Runescape, and Warhammer 40k but here I've only been posting my Warhammer 40k and D&D au

So expect a lot of polls because it helps focus my ADHD ass

Also Fanart is ALWAYS allowed! Just Tag me!

PLACE WHERE YOU CAN ASK TO BE PUT ON TAG LIST

Poll Storage Pheromone Spray poll part 1 First kiss part 2 Pheromone Spray part 2 Husbandry lewdness poll First Kiss part 3 How to tag the lewd poll probably going with carnal bond Should momrad include skin tone WIP poll Help momrad focus on what to write Ones ready to be typed Adhd helper poll

WIPs

Warhammer 40k

The D&D AU

The Yandere Black Templar and Flesh Tearer

The Yandere Space Marine Masterlist

Story Vault until I know where to put these stories/how to categorize them

The boys and their darlings

This is not Canon mini masterlist

Primarchs masterlist

Pheromone Spray 1 2

Bonus Zul Spray

Song Inspiration

First Kiss 1 2 3

Typhus fleas 1 2

Baseline hitting on the darlings

Varial the insatiable

Lamenters devouring

Raven in the belfry

Child in the Eyrie

First Words Can Damn You

The black rut

Lucius the Eternal plus art

Warhammer Fantasy

Dangerous Druchii pending

Warhammer 40k & COD

The COD Integration mini-masterlist

Demon Prince/Bloodthirster Graves

The 40k au

How does Horangi spend the thrones? Horangi focused

Lieblings König focused

Spirit Halloween Ghost focused

Hey Kiddo Price focused

Where do babies come from reply

Hail to the King Black Templar König

Everyone is space elves

COD

The mud pit cope fic

Hot Chocolate cope fic König focused

Missing the Bairn cope fic Soap focused

Zombie cope fic Ghost focused

He scares me Nikto focused happens before the Soap one

It's a wonderful life CODHoliday2023 fic angst-comfort Ghost

Age hcs/boys ages

Random romantic thing I wrote

Tanz mit mir Regency Au songfic

Halo

Most of it is on my Ao3

Random

The eventual bringing over that one non con I wrote pending

I have to edit it

The #I wrote something for my tumblr can help too

Sentience base off of lancer but I really just like the Balor

Baby fluff

barn anon/Tales from the Barn/Space Marine Husbandry Sentience

I will rename this when I can sit and think of better titles for them

Space Marine Husbandry Sentience Plot Beats

Space Marine Husbandry Sentience Mini Master List

51 more Space Marine Husbandry Sentience & Tales from the Barn

Hey Look another Space Marine Husbandry Mini Masterlist

Golden Apotheosis

Birthdays

avoiding bonds and eye contact

Favorite Wretch

Dischorus and Caracuss

Sentience Lore: Warp Fuckery

Weight of the Worlds

Insanity seems to follow...

Party

Anrir Husbandry

Reverse Husbandry AU

Reverse Husbandry Gabriel

Reverse Husbandry Headcanon

Reverse Husbandry Emperor

Sanguinius and Glitter

Gabriel and his sick human

Human Husbandry?

Primarchs in the reverse world

Gaius flees

Judgement from the Lord of Iron

Seeing things

Funny stuff/Fan art

Ovaries Stolen meme

Fan art by bispecsual

Blood Angel Gabriel meme

ZUL by moodymisty

Angron Post Surgery expression

Fan art by c-u-c-koo anon of Plague Witch

Apollo and Dodgeball

Plague Witch part 2 by c-u-c-koo anon

Apollo by greenarsonist

Aurora by greenarsonist

Marine Meat Monday Zul by moodymisty

Penelope and Peterbunbun by Egrets-not-regrets

Fluffuary

Fluffuary master list

Fluffuary rules

MerMay

Story list

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 01.23.2024

Me, Oct 24, 2023:

This is the sort of thinking that leads to 100k fanfic. I will try to come up with things to fill the space and then I will have too much stuff. That's just how it is, I guess. Wouldn't it be nice if this could just be, like, 60k, and I could be almost done?

Me, Nov 28, 2023:

I think that once I figure this out it will either be a clear path from now to the end and probably be like 8 or 9 chapters + an epilogue OR it will spiral wildly out of control, some other fucking subplot will sneak in, and it will go 12+ chapters and I will cry a lot.

Me, Jan 9, 2024:

Either that, or I'll just keep writing chapters, like Zeno's fanfic. I sincerely hope that doesn't happen. I will die.

Me, today:

Fuck.

So the good news is that I have finally finished the scene that I have been wrestling with since early December. It's two scenes now, because I wanted to swap narrators halfway thru, but it's really the same scene.

The less good news is that this came out 🎵8721 words🎵 and I still have three more scenes budgeted for this chapter in the outline. I mean, on one hand, at least I produced a significant amount of something for as long as that took. On the other hand, I feel like this dumb thing is now growing faster than I can write it. I've only made it up to roughly 11am on Saturday (the fanfic ends early Monday morning). Maybe it's not as bad as I think. I still haven't decided if Chapter 7 is just going to be super long, or if I am going to bump the other three scenes to the next chapter. I am putting that decision off until I actually write them and probably also most of Chapter 8. Mostly, I am just hoping I don't to add another chapter to the outline (I strongly suspect I am going to have to add another chapter--#11-- to the outline).

None of this will matter when it's done! I don't actually care how long the thing comes out (that's your problem, reader, I simply love big numbers). It's just that I want to be done, and the longer this gets, the further away that feels.

I haven't done a top level word count in a while because I've been working in messy temp documents, but I finally pasted my new scenes back into the main doc. Part B currently stands at 27,724, for a running total of 64,597, which makes it my fifth longest fanfic at roughly 2/3 done. There's kind of a ways to go before it overtakes Between Tides, but I think it might just happen.

Gosh, y'know, it's honestly kind of surprising I got as much writing done this week as I did, considering my kids were home nearly the whole week between snow days and a planned asynchronous day. Am I back on my groove? I sure fucking hope so.

I kept up with my drawing reasonably well, too--it was baked goods week. I did one tutorial, two one-day scribbles, and I drew last week's cake in the style of a GBBO illustration, which took me 3 days, but I'm really happy with the way it came out (so, 6 out of 7 days, I guess). I have another fanart (or possibly two) that I'd like to do in time for Byakuya's birthday, so that's probably what I will focus on this week.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a good day. I hate that I was so anxious about it. There was no reason for that.

I slept. Fine. Not the worst, not the best. I just couldn't find a good temperature and wasn't as comfortable as I would have liked. When James got up I ended up rolling into their side and stretching out but even that didn't help a ton. Just not the best sleep.

I heard James leave. And dozed for another hour. When I got up I was trying very hard to psych myself up. I got dressed and felt fine. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast. I wrapped my gift of that tortoise painting for Celia. I put the stickers for the flag house in my purse. I laid on the couch. I waited until it was time to go.

I made the meeting time 10. Which is when their museum opens. It is only 7 minutes away but I still left around 940 because I was so nervous about parking. But I would luck out again and got a great parking space. Which made me way to early. So I just chilled in the car for a bit.

I would finally walk over. I stopped to take some pictures of my sticker outside so I could make a post on Instagram about it. And then I was going inside. And they were so excited. They gave me a check. And we talked about the process and the images and their hopes for the future. It just made me feel so happy. Chris, the man who had originally commissioned me, said that when they send out their newsletter my sticker is going to be the first big topic about the gift shop. Amazing. I counted out the stickers to make sure they were all there. And I actually had 53 instead of just 50. So I would keep 1. Which made me very happy. I'm so glad I got to work with them and I hope I can keep finding these opportunities.

I would leave there a few minutes after I got there. And stopped at the little free library and got James a book about modern art masters. Which seemed pretty sweet. And decided I would go to second chance to see if they had anything for the baby room.

I was annoyed with myself when it realized I didn't have my earbuds in my purse. I was going to have to raw dog the store with my own thoughts?? Terrible. But I ended up having a few sweet little conversations with the old guys in the store. And it would be fine. I didn't find anything I wanted to buy but it was fun to look around. Even if I got sweaty and felt tired pretty quickly. So I went home.

When I got back here I would hang out with sweetp and had some yogurt and laid on the couch. I was meeting with Celia at 1. So I had time to just chill.

I had been wearing my doc marten boots for the morning (I'm trying to break them in) but they really hurt my feet so I knew I would be changing for the afternoon. But I chose my doc marten sandals which honestly aren't much better and I would still end up with blisters. Stupid. I should have worn socks but it's fine. I would mainly be fine.

I would take a very bizarre way to the zoo because I missed my exit. Oops. But I still beat Celia there. I waited for her outside the entrance. And was able to use my BMI membership card to get us in for free! So that was exciting. I would still end up spending $40 but it's for her birthday so it's fine.

We started with penguins. And then to see the bears. Which me and James had missed on Monday. I think that's what I enjoyed the most, we got to focus on different stuff. And I really had a lot off fun.

We got lunch. And I made a last second decision to get pizza but I regretted it and would end up wrapping most of it in napkins to put in my purse. I really enjoyed the fries. And I got another souvenir cup. And the girl in the back yelled over to me that she made sure I got the lion one!! She kept saying it and it was hilarious to me and made it worth it.

We had a nice meal though and continued on. Celia kept saying I was moving to fast because I was moving from window to window to try and catch the animals but she would literally run to stuff when she thought something was happening so it was just funny. We would get to see the elephants respond to calls. And deer in their enclosure which they chased. We had great otter action. And the bobcat! I really had a good time. We went in the aviary too which was really nice. We spent a lot of time on birds honestly. But it was really great.

We overheard a weird conversation with a girl who apparently works at the Huston zoo. She was chatting with a volunteer and made a snotty comment about how much better her zoo is. And like yeah I've heard great things but also, you aren't be a very good ambassador? You being snotty isn't making me want to try and see your zoo. But whatever. We got away from that pretty quick.

We made sure to see as many turtles as we could. Celia works with turtles now so it was fun getting to what she knew about different ones. And I was having fun but my feet were starting to hurt and I was running out of steam. So we started heading back towards the front.

We got to see the last penguin feeding of the day. Celia got to ask some questions. We got to learn that their oldest penguin is 33 years old!! Which is how old I am!!! Crazy. But it was fun seeing them eat.

We stopped at an ice cream truck on the way out and got milkshakes. Mine was actually a float but they mixed it so it was more like a creamsicle shake but it was still good.

We were going to take the tram back but no drinks allowed so we walked up the hill. Even though I was huffing and puffing a little. I made it and as we were leaving we got to see a raccoon on a trashcan! Which honestly may have been my favorite part. Love a random raccoon walking all over the scarecrows they have set out for Halloween.

Celia walked with me to my car so I could give her the painting gift and she really liked it! Made me happy. I also gave her some rocks. They were nice ones! She gave me a hug and we said goodbye.

I was honestly at the end of my energy. I didn't feel amazing and really really wanted to go home. Of course there was going to be traffic but I made it home by 430.

When j got back here I had a few things I needed to do. Specifically I wanted to finish the best in the teddy bear hospital. I had cut out the hat and pillow that needed to be made. And pulled out my sewing machine to do that. And while I was finishing that James came home. I was very happy to see them.

They jumped in to doing laundry. And I finished the bear and I'm very happy. I sent off some photos to the owner and I hope she likes him too! (She would text me later and said she'll come check him out next weekend at the market!)

I would come upstairs to clean up my nails. Cut my cuticles and filed them into a better shape. And then I took a quick shower. Which made me feel slightly better.

But I mostly just wanted to be in bed. And I would hang out in bed for most of the evening. James would work on their laptop. And come and talk with me. They brought me the package I got in the mail. Which is a little id bracelet but it came in a huge box which I was baffled by and could only laugh at.

Eventually James brought me a cupcake. Sweetp stole some of it and got crumbs everything. James showered. And is now folding laundry. And I am fighting to keep my eyes open. I am tired!!

Tomorrow I'm going to be at the farmers market. And then in the evening I'm going to have dinner with Callie and I'm very excited to see her. It's been to long!!

I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well. Be safe. I love you all. Good night!!

[bisexualboysbroadcast]

okay, are you ready? here’s my be mine superstar melt:

1. I am unbearably obsessed with the personality “swop” that happened between these two actors. going from fiat our little sunshine brat in dsn to Ashi our regal serious actor in bms and Leo our serious big boy protector in dsn to actual puppy sunshine baby punn in bsm -> getting a swop like that shows me their range as actors but also just different sides to their acting personalities and how well they know each other which is pure magic in romance

2. I’m OBSESSED with the way they met. like yes punn is madly in love with ashi as a fan boy (the little poster kiss really ruined my life), but to have an accidental bump in meet-cute and then (as far as it looks like the plot is heading) to end up working together is a delightful start to their story (cause it alludes to plot directions like “oh fuck I’m in love with you what am I supposed to do with these feelings??” , and “secret relationship eras (my beloved)” and “how can you date him you’re just a student intern and he’s a superstar” and “but I love him. I love him.”. can you tell I’m ready for this?)

3. the sets for this show seem to be out of this world. not just in relation to the period drama ashi (and co) are acting in but also the cafe where punn met his friends, the bar where doctor and superstar met (HAH!), punn’s mom’s cafe, dad’s art studio. all of it is so good. and from what I can see they really seem to be using the lighting and set structure to show personalities which is incredible in and of itself. (e.g. if you notice the lighting and set is pretty light/airy/flowing when punn is the central focus (that shower scene speaks for itself); but quite dark/wood/sort of solid when ashi is the focus)

4. the costumes, oh good god, the costumes! firstly just how beautiful the period drama stuff is ! ashi’s white cloak? and title’s full princely (guard?) suit? IMMACULATE. but also their casual clothes. ashi being so neat, tidy, and elegant always. versus punn who is soft and comfy (that lil grey cardigan did so much for my heart). as far as I can see (and probably because there’s been so many costume changes as a result of ashi’s job), there hasn’t been any colour coding between him and punn (yet?). so not much to say on the blue boy/red boy (/other colour variations) connotations. they may just play this out in style more than colour which is always less obvious but satisfying all the same, but I guess that’s just a waiting game.

5. so so happy with all the touching we’ve had. and I don’t just mean punn and his delusional body pillow cuddling (although that’s so relatable). but also between doctor and superstar (I really need to get to their names lmao) -> their entire scene was iron melting! the thumb swipe across the bottom lip, the finger brushing against the hand, the dancing (holy fuck), and then naturally the sex. SO GOOD. but also yes punn and his little prayer to his ashi poster, punn and his brother pai fighting (ah sibling love), even the touching between the three superstar friends. I like that the intimacy of touching is already being shown in a full range of ways. parents to children, sibling to sibling, friend to friend, love interests, lust. EATING SO GOOD!

anyway, now that I’ve talked y’all’s ears off, I am so happy to have a Monday night (more like Tuesday morning) watch for the next few weeks and I’m beyond excited for wherever this one will take us !!

[bvannn]

Weekly update August 2nd, 2024

Artfight is almost over. I have two more attacks sketched that I want to try to get done before it’s officially done, plus someone else hit me last second and I’d like to do a revenge for them, but I’m resting for at least another half an hour. I had to skip plasma today because I was so tired I didn’t feel safe driving on the road longer than I needed to get home. I’m hoping to start it up again next week. Anyway what did I do this week and what am I going to do next week.

Because I’ve worn myself out so hard, I’m going to try spending all next week resting. Tonight and tomorrow I’m going to finish up the last couple artfight attacks and I’m going to try to get the last drawn assets for the OEB puppet done too, and ideally finish up the linework for Comic page 8, so that between next Sunday and the one after I can just do physically unintensive tasks. I’ll probably get a drawing for an art trade with a mutual done that was agreed to before artfight, but that’ll be it as far as planned drawings. Everything else will be just clicky computer work. Music, importing animation stuff, rig construction, etc. if I’m really bothered to draw I’ll get some more visuals for the songs I have finished up done, but I’m going to focus on my health first.

Sunday and Monday I’m going to have a long car ride back across states for a big important doctor appointment, on that trip I’d like to try getting some statblocks done for the Epithet TTRPG game, but that again depends on energy and how much of the trip will be me driving vs getting a ride.

The stuff I did this week: I messed with music a bunch. RR VPR is almost ready to be tuned, I think I’m getting better at making the Japanese banks speak English. BATB and RR are also pretty much done with the mastering process. I already had an unreleased instrumental track ready to go, I have another one that’s close that I plan to work on next week, plus the gabber one that just needs samples, which I plan to grab tomorrow evening. I’ll try to get some more started up once those are released, plus any back burner projects I get inspiration for.

I don’t have a big plan for next week other than rest. Same with tonight, I’m going to rest, try to finish up the last artfight attacks (worst case I’ll just post the sketches) and figure it out from there. Sorry I’m disorganized, as mentioned I’m nodding off as I write this, but my plan is to rest so this stops.

[awoken-artist]

Important Update!: Hard drive issue

So I have announced this early on my discord server community I have about this situation. So not long ago about a few weeks ago my hard drive decided up and then to refuse to open again and give me a notification it has "malfunctioned".

I panicked when I couldnt get into my hard drive at all and lead me to have a mental breakdown. Heres a reason WHY though is because of the fact all of my artworks, vods ive saved ever since i started streaming for the first time on twitch as my first time vtubing, even videos ive created for years and film projects to look over, sounds and music ive saved even from places i probably cannot get back anymore, gifts from lovely people and friends even art trades and commissions ive also saved as well.

a fuuuuuck ton of art ive saved from YEARS of drawing are on there along with photography works even personal photos and videos.

so yeah i panicked like shit because my whole life work is in that damn thing.

My mom and dad manage to find a program to pay to get everything as much as we could to be able to move stuff over. we bought a new hard drive and its currently being used to copy stuff over. and me going through to make sure the amount of files on the hard drive to the new one match and if it doesnt we can focus on the single files that focus's on it to move over.

and this takes...DAYS. weeks even at worst. So this is a tedious as fuck of a long wait for to get EVERYTHING out of there. or at least everything that were ABLE to get out of there.

I do want to get my new hard drive unplugged temporarily and move my 2023 stuff over cause- fuck i need that file in my hands and plug it back into the other computer to continue making the copies. but god this is just horrendous....

it made me very sad this happened and it pisses me off as well. hopefully i can get everything back like nothing actually is missing and what not. so for those waiting on Art trades and commissions I beg to be patient. i know I have sketches down and saved towards DMS to the people and so that i can easily trace over that wip previews and go for it which i will. everyone else i have to start over which i hate doing but i also dont want to keep everyone waiting :/

I know once ATs and coms are done i will only open commissions for friends only. YCH's i'll probably open when able to cause I Have some planned to open on Vgen and Ko-fi.

I'll update you guys about it soon. if you guys wish to get quick updates from me your welcome to join my little server, just send me a dm of a rainbow emoji. :P or come by to my streams I have a bot that you can do !discord into and you can come right in. do know you have to fill out a form. I dont allow children in my server and if i find out people are lying about their age you get banned. so dont even fricken try. =_= i am just very uncomfortable around kids and rather keep my server for adults only. thank you.

hope everyones having a good monday! I will probs do a stream later today so if you guys are following me on twitch and vstream you'll get notified about it. [hopefully you guys get notified tbh-] ^u^)/

click to go to Twitch | click here to go to my Vstream

I'll also try to stream on YouTube as well. it be much appreciated if you can give my youtube some loves as well. Im trying hard to grow so any help be great. ;w;

Click to go to my Youtube Channel

[ask-duotale-b2fc]

A rough guide to when things will be posted unless busy...

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Monday/Friday

𖤐This is Comic day! Whether it be a page of Duotale or any one off comics we did that week, it'll be posted on these days, usually between 10am and noon(EST). If you don't see a comic here, it might also be posted to @Oatmealkitty. We have more than one comic so ye

Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday

𖤐 Art Day: Usually fully finished art if we have any, commission or personal. Can be flat color or shaded. Will be reblogged from @oatmealkitty then suddenly disappear after 1 or 2 weeks. If you want to see all of the art and find it easily, I suggest you go to that account. Stuff only gets reblogged here bc I know a lot of you didn't follow there yet xD

𖤐 We'll be posting asks these days instead of art sometimes. At least 1 or 2.

𖤐If we have none of the options available, these will probably be days we work on other things unrelated to UT or play catchup on the comic.

𖤐Do note: None of these are gaurenteed. We work on two comics and do art for a different community (and we have to keep up with that since they pay to see it uff.)

Sunday

𖤐Either focus on other blogs or play catchup. Either way, no posting these days! Though you might see a doodle or two.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

And there you have it! A general run down of the daily schedule, assuming any future job I get doesn't interfere with it.

Sometimes things may be posted off schedule, like trends or fandom specific events like the anniversary or something. But thats ok! The schedule only exists so I can stay organised anyway lol. I dont mind if an image of papyrus saying f*ck ends up posted on a Tuesday lmao.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Yall can ignore this part. This is just personal reminder at this point lol. Stuff we HAVE to do rather than stuff thats personal tbh. So stuff like asks or the personal art we do for UTDR you won't see here.

General Goal:

Duotale - 45/44

Birds of a Feather - 0/10

Pokemon Comic (No we wont tell yall smh) - 29/24

Trivia Trot - 0/10

[glittergutts]

I've been having a stressful morning. And I need to process my thoughts about preparing for treatment.

First we couldn't figure out the money to get all the stuff I need to take to treatment and I had a cry about feeling like I shouldn't even go. I didn't know all my vitamins and supplements had to be unopened until the other day and it cost a lot to buy all at once.

Figured it out with the last of our available credit and my supplements and stuff should be here tomorrow and Sunday just in time for me to leave Monday morning.

Loki is extra whiney today. Like he won't chill out and I want to yell because I do not understand what he wants. I wish he would lay down and let me rub him when I'm sad. He refuses to be comforting.

My anxiety started getting really bad when I was on the phone with my mom and she was slamming me with question after question. She's always like that but today I couldn't handle it. She's asking things I can't answer and reminding me how out of control even my best plan is.

So after awhile I took the anxiety pill and convinced myself to get out of bed. I found some pretzels that looked pretty plain and a Gatorade and even though I barely had any of either I feel uncomfortably full. I think all the days of skipping food has started to really hurt my body.

I got the okay to bring ensure drinks to treatment but I'm not even sure if I like them I just have to have the calories in a drink (because i cant fucking eat 360 calories at once) so I can take my latuda and I normally drink a Chai protein thing at home. I'm going to ask Chris to bring home a few flavors I can try so I can figure out which type to buy.

The food at treatment is close to nothing. They do cook dinners but it's always meat or something I don't eat so I have to fend for myself the whole stay. Once I lived off orange cups and plain Oatmeal for 12 days. I was so happy to eat again when I discharged.

I hope it's better this time I wish I was allowed to just bring my own food but I understand why they don't allow that.

I need to wash all my laundry today so I can figure out what clothes I'm bringing and get my bag ready. I'm waiting on a night gown from Amazon. I don't want to sleep in a big tee shirt there like I do at home because it doesn't feel safe and private to be pantsless. I bought a nice pair of sleep shorts when I went a few years ago and I'm going to bring those again and I think having 2 sleep outfits should be fine as long a I don't have sweat nightmares. They have laundry there if I do need to wash anything.

Also because of covid the rooms aren't shared anymore so I have the privacy to use the bathroom or change or sleep in my room whenever I want to. Hell I can take a shower at 3 am and nobody would stop me. Although I'll be trying to sleep and behave like the functional person I want to be. It's just a relieving idea to have some space and freedom.

I'm desperately hoping having the time to focus on my needs and health will let me leave a little better of a person or at be able to take better care of myself and family. I'm tired of letting myself down.

I found some nice skincare things in mini containers I can bring with that will make shower time a little more enjoyable. I have some fidget toys in a bag and some art supplies with a folder that has paper and coloring sheets inside. I'm going to bring my comfort pillow and my favorite squishmallow plushies. I just need to take a few pictures of my family and I feel like I tried my best to bring comfort with me. I got to order aromatherapy balm sticks because I can't have essential oils and I don't see why I couldn't have these so I feel good about my supply of comfort things.

I used to take so much klonapins and do normal stuff like safely drive my car but I feel heavily medicated this time like I need to lay down. At least I'm not having a panic attack and I had some food.

[keefwho]

July 01 - 2024 Monday

10:50pm

4.5/10

This morning I tried rubbing some of the coating off on the inside of my new goblet before letting it soak in some more vinegar for the rest of the day. Instead of cleaning up this morning, I started contacting people that wanted commissions so I would have something to work on today. I forgot to do this days ago when I should have. After my shower I made tuna and pasta shells for breakfast. I was very sleepy this morning and almost considering going back to bed but I had too much to do.

During stream I warmed up with some furry poses and then started sketching people's comms. A lot of today was spent in DMs or paypal or organizing other things rather than actual drawing. I did finish 2 YCHs that I would have preferred to do last month but the people were slow to communicate with me.

After stream I did some more commission stuff and then took a good chunk of time to pleasure myself like none other before lunch. Im still sore because of it. Lunch was broccoli, meatballs, rice, gravy, and a cup of peaches.

In the afternoon I did a couple more sketches and did just a little bit of personal art. I couldn't do the request today since I forgot to pick one this morning and the guy I picked late wasn't around.

Right after work I had therapy which was a good session. I used OBS to capture my VRchat camera so I could webcam him as my avatar, he liked that. He helped me narrow down on this idea that I've done all I can in certain fields and I should be focusing on myself and addressing the insecurities I've known about but haven't cracked down on.

Right after that I called DS and played Ancient Dungeon VR while she worked on her fursuit. We also put on some of Chris Chan's most recent Minecraft stream which I thought was actually sort of chill and pleasant to watch, but also sad and pitiful. She left to go focus and I kept watching Chris while I ate my dinner. My chicken and fries came out extra good today and I took my time nibbling them. I perused wallpaper engine for awhile looking for new desktop backgrounds. I might go the Steven Universe route because some of them go pretty hard. I also converted DS's emote she wanted into a sticker form.

I was late tonight to do dishes and the rest of my usual routine. In bed DS and I did our puzzles but she fell asleep halfway through. I couldn't figure out the connections and the strands was hard.

[jeanjauthor]

For The Record:

I loved KB's earliest efforts at art. Was it perfect? Hell no! Was it well drawn! Hell no! That was the point. She bared her lack of artistic skills to the world, and she made it work. For fourteen fucking years.

...I also loved it because it looked like the art in the Bible my parents gave me as a young teen. It was the "Good New Bible" and the artwork, very simple line illustrations, were crafted by Annie Vallotton. That version of the Bible sold more than 225 MILLION COPIES...and I am dead certain I was not the only one impressed by those line drawings.

Here are a few examples of this Swiss artist's work:

...Literally THE best-selling artist of all time. 225,000,000 copies, twenty-five MILLION.

And I saw that same level of grace and expressiveness in every. single. one. of KB Spangler's attempts at art. NOT the technical perfection, but the expressiveness.

Which was a helluva thing to pull off successfully, with or without technical skill, because KB literally wasn't drawing full facial expressions. But she did it. And it was entirely her own style, not Vallotton's! But, very evocative of Vallotton's.

So do not EVER say that your own half-arsed art style is total crap. By accident, KB managed to pull off an echo of the biggest selling artist in the world. And there are so many styles out there that many people are trying to imitate, from manga (a very popular art style!) and cartoony stuff...hell, I never ever got into the artwork stylings of shows like Ren & Stimpy, but they sold it for five seasons...to very geometrical stuff, all lines and angles...to things with so much color and shading and detail you want to shake that person and demand how DARE they overwork themselves...

(And/or their colorist--Grrl Power is one such webcomic, it's great, but dear god am I glad he's got a colorist so he can focus on the line art and the story; Girl Genius is the other, and god bless Cheyenne for doing the colorist work on THAT monstrosity of far too many years of work from nearly the beginning, lol; the Foglios went through a few colorists before pairing up with Cheyenne Wright, and he's been THE master of color for them through 3 Hugo Awards that he got to share in, and countless years of effort.)

...The point is, YOU CAN DO IT, TOO. Results not guaranteed, you might hate it, you might burn out on the art or the story...but YOU can do it, too.

It's the same reason why only you can write the story that's in your head. Don't ask me to do it, and for godssake, don't ask AI to do it.

Even the god-blessed Catholics have proclaimed that AI art isn't true art! The Catholics, whom have been responsible for what I believe to be The Greatest Number Of FanArt Commissions Ever. You would think they'd be all over AI, because it's cheap and they don't have to pay much for it and they can churn it out on command!

Even they hate it, the biggest fanboi group in all fandoms ever, for literal millennia.

So there you have it. I love KB's early work, I also love what her work evolved into, and I support the whole process & time it took for her to get there. ...LIke her, I don't like the fact that it burned her out. And I wasn't sure about the art of "Dr. Beer" when it first came out. But while the art style was different, Ale's art ended up being quite expressive all on its own, in its own way, and I have come to love both her vision of A Girl And Her Fed, and their collaboration on Side Quested.

I completely agree with their choice to withdraw from a platform that is now emphasizing AI "convenience" over genuine human expression.

Go to their actual websites:

and

After having been a fan of AGAHF for many years, I kinda sorta know where the story is going (though I know I'll be surprised along the way!), and I am looking forward to all of it.

With Side Quested, I have been surprised, I have been intrigued, I have laughed at the trope inversions, and I am very curious about the worldbuilding. Knowing KB's skill at that, and having seen Ale's ability to pull it off...I am looking forward to whatever is to come within this one, too.

This Blog Stans & Supports These Two Webcomics.

...

If you want to learn more about Annie Vallotton's impact on theological illustrations try this article (written a little under two years before her passing on)...:

Personally, I loved how she drew them from very early on with virtually no indication of overt racial characteristics. Cultural ones, naturally, but you had no clue if the characters had skin that was white, black, brown, yellow, red, or even green-skinned. It was just lines on paper! (I am not counting the colorized illustrations in the "deluxe" editions that were printed at some point.)

It was "This could be anyone from anywhere around the world, wearing ancient-era robes & herding sheep-like animals."

It was a coloring book for the mind's eye.

It was the original "Insert your self-image here."

And I loved it for that fact.

This is the public statement from @alepresser and myself which went up at Webtoons tonight.

Now for some ranting. Just from me, not from Ale—she's innocent of the art crimes I've committed in the past, and boy howdy have I committed art crimes.

This is the first page of my first webcomic, A Girl and Her Fed. I started this thing back in 2006. (I don't actually need a head count of those reading this who weren't yet born in 2006. I'm sure you're delightful and I wish you well in college.)

And this is the last page I drew in early 2020 before I turned art duties over to Dr. Beer. It's better, right?

Well, these days, A Girl and Her Fed has pages like this:

I drew this comic for fourteen fucking years because it's a story I wanted to tell, and I thought webcomics were the perfect format for it. I didn't know how to draw. I got better through sheer obstinate perseverance and sticking to deadlines as best I could for, again, fourteen fucking years. I sought out a replacement artist when I ran into time constraints and couldn't do art plus writing anymore; I'm a much better writer than an artist, so I had no problems whatsoever kicking art to the curb.

The first time Ale sent me art that would go up on the website—art I hadn't needed to draw myself—I literally cried in relief because I had been grinding myself down for, yet again, fourteen fucking years.

So when I read comments from people who say they want to make a webcomic but can't draw themselves and therefore need to resort to AI, that little line between my eyes gets dangerously deep.

This isn't like I'm some old dude who's bitching over student loans getting cancelled after making regular payments. This is me, someone who threw raw art onto the internet like a monkey hurling fresh poo, because I wanted to make a webcomic and the art is part of the process of storytelling via webcomics! I could've (arguably should've) hired an artist right out of the gate, and that would've been part of the process of making comics, too: a partnership between an artist and a writer is also something which grows and develops over time.

For example, after Dr. Beer and I spent two years working on AGAHF, we decided we enjoyed our partnership so much that we set out to make another webcomic! It's great! It's got wonderful art and consistent storytelling! You should read it!

But turning art duties over to unaltered images generated by AI because you want to make a webcomic but "just can't draw" is, frankly, a bullshit excuse. I'm not talking about persons who are physically unable to draw due to disability—I'm talking about people who say they want to make webcomics but simply don't wanna do the art part.

Friends, if you don't want to show your entire ass in front of God and country, you don't actually want to make a webcomic.

Do the thing yourself.

If you're scared, don't be. Take the plunge. Set a goal of twenty strips and do the thing yourself. If you can already draw but can't write? Great! Write twenty strips, write forty panels, etc. You might surprise yourself. If you can write but can't draw? Great! Draw twenty panels and see what happens.

Whatever comes out of it, it's a thing you've done yourself. It's something new you've given to the world, no matter how big or small. Be proud of that. And if you need to partner with someone else to make your comic dreams work? You can do that, too! It's still a thing you've done yourself, and many projects are stronger when done together.

...but maaaaaaaaaybe hire that partner before you've busted your own ass for fourteen fucking years. That one's on me.

[theattainer]

How Today’s Students Can Become Great Writers by Using Thomas Jefferson’s Methods

https://i0.wp.com/theattainer.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/thomasjeffersondeclaration.webp?fit=700%2C464&ssl=1

https://theattainer.com/how-todays-students-can-become-great-writers-by-using-thomas-jeffersons-methods/

How Today’s Students Can Become Great Writers by Using Thomas Jefferson’s Methods

During my high school years, a number of my friends were homeschooled kids who belonged to a particular accrediting organization. This organization required each student to write an annual research paper, the length of which corresponded to their grade (i.e. a 10th grade student was required to turn in 10 pages).

Over the years, I heard many groans about these infamous papers, which made me quite glad that my school did not have the same expectations. In retrospect, of course, I see that my friends who did the torturous assignment likely had a jump on me in terms of writing experience.

As it turns out, those friends appear to have had the jump on not only me, but much of the American high school population. According to Jay Matthews in The Washington Post, “almost no U.S. high school students are required to do long research papers.” Other writing is also minimal, largely consisting of only a few paragraphs here and there. With numbers like those, it’s no wonder that only one in four seniors leave high school as proficient writers.

But Matthews has a theory on how to change this problem. He suggests:

“‘Require students to take at least one semester of reading and writing instead of their regular English class. A paper is due each Monday. In class, students read whatever they like or work on next week’s essay while the teacher calls them up in turn and edits their papers as they watch.’

Each student would get about 10 minutes of live editing a week, much more than the zero minutes usually allotted. A few teachers told me they were doing something like that, but I realize it is too radical a reform for most places.”

In brief, Matthews is encouraging a focus on the basics. Read good books. Devote lots of time to writing. Be mentored by people who know their stuff.

Indeed, this advice is similar to that given by Thomas Jefferson for the education of his grandson, Francis, in 1821. According to Jefferson, literature and rhetoric – the art of persuasion through writing or speaking – were two subjects in which Francis could educate himself. Jefferson noted, however, that good writing is particularly advanced when guided by “the judicious criticisms of a qualified judge of style and composition.”

Jefferson himself seems to have had the benefit of this type of mentor while in his late teens. As he notes in his autobiography, he became a close friend of Dr. William Small of Scotland during his time at the College of William and Mary. Although Dr. Small was a mathematics professor, he appears to have been well-rounded in various disciplines. Two of these areas were literature and rhetoric. Apparently, Dr. Small was such an expert in these areas that he was the first to give regular lectures on both at William and Mary.

So, did Dr. Small’s expertise in these subjects rub off on Jefferson?

It seems likely that it did, for it was these very areas which catapulted him to a position as drafter of the Declaration of Independence. Recounting the occasion, John Adams wrote:

“Mr Jefferson came into Congress in June 1775. and brought with him a reputation for literature, science, and a happy talent at composition. Writings of his were handed about remarkable for the peculiar felicity of expression.”

When Jefferson protested being made the head of the Declaration committee, Adams gave him three reasons he should take the lead. The third? “You can write ten times better than I can.”

One has to wonder if Jefferson would have landed such an important job if he had not spent extensive time reading and been under the mentorship of someone skilled in literature and rhetoric.

Would today’s students soar to greater heights if schools took the advice of Jay Matthews, devoted more time to reading and writing, and were mentored by teachers who did the same? Would such a practice not only turn out better writers and communicators, but better thinkers?

What do you think?

[pheemuru]

I want to get a little personal for a sec

Below the cut I'm going to talk about my struggle with art, energy, time management, and trying to be an artist in the current social media climate while having a full time job in an unrelated field

In august 2023, i moved out of my parents home for the first time--I moved out of state and got a full time job. this is a good thing and a super positive life event for me! I'm now living with my partner of nearly 7 years and my best friend of 5.

However my relationship with art since before I even moved out... has been really rocky. My job now occupies my time for 6 hours a day 5 days a week. I work from 6:45 am - 10 am (im including travel time here because its still my time thats occupied by work...) and then I have a break until 2 pm. Then I work 2 - 6 pm, and depending on where I'm working at, I get home anywhere from 6-7 pm. I go to bed at 11 pm (This is a very big struggle mentally for me since my jobs schedule is very much opposite of how my body functions. I'm a night owl and not at all an early bird.) This is my monday thru friday.

By the time the weekend comes, I have other household chores to keep up with before I feel like I'm "allowed" to waste my time basically. I also use my time just... recovering for the next week. Every night I get home from work I take a couple edibles to wind down and relax, which is possibly the best part of my day when I finally get to turn my brain off from having to mask and wrangle 30 something kids throughout the day. (daycare aide moment)

How this relates to my art is that I really have zero drive to do any kind of art. I have no ideas. I see stuff online and think "wow I want to do that, I wish I thought of it". Creativity doesn't come naturally to me if it isn't the result of a college assignment or a commission. I struggle a LOT with concepting and sketching. I genuinely don't know how to doodle anymore either

In 2024 I want to focus a lot more on what's going to make me feel satisfied in a career, and so far the only option I have for that is making art my full time gig. However, anyone that is trying that or has tried that knows how difficult that is and how unrealistic it is to just be able to do that with no build up.

Here's where my struggle comes in; I have no fucking energy for anything anymore. I got diagnosed with adhd and autism last year, or just about last year. My job is insanely socially heavy (I'm around 30+ kids and have to manage them) so by the time that I get home, I just want to get stoned and watch movies. I don't want to create. I don't want to do anything. not even shit i like to do.

drawing has become so fucking hard for me. it takes me so goddamn long to finish a piece, I get overwhelmed by current trends, and it doesnt help that the fact of the matter is, social media has moved onto video formats. This means I will have to keep up with video trends to get any kind of eyes on my work. But how do you keep up with video trends when you don't even have any art to show to begin with, nonetheless ones that fit with the theme of the trends going around?

So now I need to make supplementary/filler recordings to fill out content if I want to be serious about my social media presence. On top of the fact I actually have to create art. On top of the fact that there's dishes in my sink every day and laundry that has to be done every week and groceries that have to be shopped for and a job that has to be attended to five days a week. I know 30 hours a week truly is not as much as others work to be full time but my god is it exhausting? All this shit on top of itself makes me feel like I regret moving out a little bit. Overall I don't, because I don't have to live with my parents and I can relax around my partner, but like. oh my god?

literally how does anyone live like this and not want to kill themselves. I had to get a zoloft script because i kept having mental breakdowns every sunday because I have to go back to fucking work and I never feel like I have enough time to do anything meaningful. by the time my brain is like, "ready" to work, its 9 pm and i have to get ready for bed in 2 hours.

I've contemplated getting my masters in teaching to be an art teacher, but I really wouldn't.. want to do that for the rest of my life? you don't really get days off if you need it, youre obligated to work outside of work hours just to get anything done, parents right now kind of suck, school admins also suck, curriculums are cutting art programs, and kids are also becoming so much more disengaged with art at younger ages.

with the state of everything I find it really hard not to just spiral into a depressive episode. I don't know what my future holds. Sure, I have my parents as a safety net now, but theyre approaching their 70s and arent going to be around for the majority of the rest of my life. what happens then? what happens when theyre gone and i have literally no other support beyond the little life i made for myself right now? i already feel like im not allowed to prioritize myself at the moment given my position in the household (full time consistent job that pays somewhat decent ((Decent being $16.75/hour lol)) for the area im in, im the one that can drive, im the one with the largest paycheck and most consistent hours). I can't really get days off at work if I wake up having a panic attack or even physical sickness. I'm supposed to just deal with it and clock in because we dont have enough people to cover last minute like that. And I'm someone with (honestly) debilitating stomach issues. I had to have an upper endoscopy and tests done which only yield so much if you don't follow up with an allergist, which I still have yet to do...

Currently I'm supposed to set up appointments for my dentist, an allergist, a cardiologist, and I need to contact my psych because my pharmacy told me my zoloft cant be refilled (second month on it btw lol).

so like. when the fuck am i supposed to have any kind of every to dedicate to a second part time job, my own fucking art business? the thing i want to be the most passionate about, i have no energy left for. I feel so wildly unsatisfied in my life right now because of this. I'm struggling. I'm struggling a lot and I wish i didn't have to work at all. I wish I could just have my art be my full time thing, but I dont have the audience nor the social media prowess to make that happen so quickly.

I'm tired. I'm fucking tired. everyone keeps saying "take care of yourself" or "self care" but jesus christ how am i supposed to when i cant even just work 4 days a week consistently because for whatever reason I'm the only person at my job that can do what i do? how am i supposed to practice self care when that self care would mean i quit my fucking job lol. i'm at such a loss and i feel like im just letting the time pass by like grains of sand in an hourglass. being torn between wanting to die and wanting to push through is a fucking insane feeling. all we do in life is struggle until we die and I'm finding it harder and harder to get over that kind of mental hurdle. every time i drive i have to fight the genuine intrusive thoughts of yanking the steering wheel to put myself in a ditch with my car just to give myself a couple weeks of a break.

I'm tired. And there's nothing i can do about it. how long can one weather a storm before getting lost at sea

[keeganmantle]

After using Google Translate, I managed to translate what this guy said: "I am so p*ssed off by this man that this is the last post I will ever write about him! He really p*ssed me off! What did I do to him? have no idea! Just someone who decided to slander me. I don't have the energy to translate everything into English, so I write in my native language. I don't care if he understands it or not but my friends yes I proved to them all that this man is just sick"

Dude! I'm not the one who's sick, Wang! You are! Stop acting like a victim. It's over dude. Just screw off. Get off the internet. Why not we remember that Monday morning. He slandered me. Just out of no where I get a mention from him saying all these nasty stuff about me. He obviously got so ticked off I blocked him that he went as far as to use other peoples' accounts to threaten me, say nasty s*xual things about me, and insult my family and my girlfriend! I have all the screenshots, Wang. They are real. How would they be fake? You can see my profile next to the type box at the bottom center.🙄

That should show you it's a screenshot. I cropped it to the DM box of course so people could see it.🤷‍♂️

So in retrospect, I did nothing to this idiot. I'm the victim here. All I did was turn down an art trade! That's it! What was going on in his head that day? I'm not putting up with Wang's sh*t anymore. But of course I'm gonna have a grudge or so. He said he was gonna kill me. My life was on the line but no, he just kept coming. Great, thank you, Wang. Just another layer of paranoid just what I needed. Your friends are morons as well for believing you. Don't they see I have all the evidence against you? What do you want from me man? I ain't going to apologize. Why should I? Stop playing the blame game. It's over. We all know. I showed everyone. You should've let it go. But you didn't. You just had to come back. Well, either focus on your own thing or I'll get you reported again. In fact, I don't feel safe with him on here now so...please just report this guy because he's gonna be a gaslighting regardless.😔

I'm the one who's ticked off at him! He put so much paranoia on me with those DMs saying he was gonna find me and kill and yet he has the balls to come back? How?! Wang, you're 22. You should be acting your age. It's embarrassing. I'm sorry about this guy, everyone. I just wanna move on. But thank you guys for being here and trying to protect me from this guy. You know when someone threatens you, you gotta tell everybody. Lowlifes are a joke. The bad guy always loses. Ok, I just had to get a lot out of my system. I don't understand how he's still here and yet has the guts to say I'm the one who attacked him. Classic gaslighting of lowlifes.😏

Wang, get off the internet, and go outside. Please. And thank you Wang for finally leaving me alone! Unless you plan to threaten me again soon. But it could just be my PTSD talking.🙄

To Wang Liu and his crazy friends I assume, you don't know me. I have anxiety and you're only making it worse. Screw off. Leave me alone. You're a bunch of cowards for coming back.😒