#i have many feeligns about them all

[ganondoodle]

another thing i feel has deepend my hatred for totk is... how quickly people jump to defending it, as soon as there is any criticism at all, no matter how little or legit, anyone that expresses disappointment, even in the most tamest way possible, the comments are filled with excuses for it like nintendo can do no wrong

(saw someone express disappointment about a concept art in the totk book that they would have liked more than what we got, and the comments were filled with people making excuses for it-)

often the process of cool concepts getting less cool over the development cycle, especially in this modern gaming industry, isnt bc it just wasnt 'possible' or not the best choice, but bc it gets filtered through many layers of corporate "mass appeal" ideals for greater profit, "mass appeal" i think is always going to give you something more generic, losing its edge, its spark, you cant make soemthing that literally appeals to everyone, thats not how it works, but they certainly try anyway bc it promises greater profit in theory

of course, that doesnt mean that has to be the reason for whatever they decide to go for in the end, but they can do wrong, very questionable, and very much bad things, they have done that and ARE doing that, and you should be able to express disappointment about that without getting swarmed by a weird nintendo defense squad, in fact, it SHOULD be criticised, sometimes that can even be fun, sometimes mroe frustrating, but it should be done regardless, does it sound fun to jsut fully accept everything they throw in front of you without question??? does that sound like you will only get better things???

i just realyl hate that weird cult following (exaggeration) the game has amassed where you either worship it or must unreasonably hate it, that you cant express any sort personal feelign towards it that isnt praise without being hit by the squad tm

its not just annoying, its weird, what are you defending them for?? why??? i had this problem a while too, but its died down sicne then, probably bc people realized im not the 'average' fandom guy but a very specific kind of fandom guy- whenever i view outside my little bubble though i see it still happen ... even for the most miniscule of criticism

(dont get me started on how i have MASSIVE gameplay and design frustrations about totk and dont really understand how so many people can say the gameplay is stellar and jsut the writing sucks .... bc its not ..)

[sleepy-vix]

just finished the burning god ^^👍 what the fuck

spoilers below

fuck i was a fool to pray that kitay would live

also i had a feelign tjat rin woulg kill her self in the end and im SO INFINITELY GLAD that nezha didnt die in that cave water thing following that monster/dragon, but FUCK I DIDNT WANT THIS ENDING

WHAT THE FUCK RF KUANG

HOW DID U EVEN DREAM UP THIS MONSTROSITY

im so glad that nezha at least lives but actually is that any better than death???? poor boy never wanted to be a ruler. UGHHH I JUST REALISED KUANG ADDED THAT CHAPTER WHERE VAISRA ASKS NEZHA IF HE WANTED TO BE A RULER TO HURT US EVEN MORE

fuck you kuang

you twisted genius

nezha never wanted to be a ruler. his father never cared about him, he was tortured by the stupid dragon god thing, thrust into a position in charge of a whole fucking country- and not a good one at that, forced to hunt down the girl he loved because of duty, and then forced to WATCH HER KILL HERSELF AND HIS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND and he had to keep going bc he has a whole fucking country to rebuild and hesperians to outplay

fuck all of the characters in these books are so haunted i love it and i hate it and i wish i'd never ever met them

and kitay...

i wanted so so so badly for him to live. i hate that he was so clearly helpless in the end. i knew that he loved rin and it was so glorious that he loved her but FUCK i didnt want him to end like this?!?,!;&:!:&:$. like... she was trynna kill him at the end. i thought hed die by jumping in front of an arrow for her or smtg 😭😭 we didnt even get to see much moments of them simply being best friends

"i cant help but love you" WHAT THE FUCK.

this is so unfair i feel so sick in the stomach i could vomit actually

the only person's death who i'm remotely at peace with is Rin's bc i anticipated it from the start and it was so cleary necessary, even though it was tragic. the whole thing with her spiralling at the end made me so sick in my stomach because i hated her briefly, but really i couldnt actually HATE her because shes rin and shes only twenty one (i just realised shes only SIX. SIX years older than i am) and shes been through so much fuck fuck fuck this stupid ass story i wish i never even had the ability to read. i want to hug rin and just stop time forever

a big part of me wishes that rin never tried to kill nezha at all, that she was completely sane (tho tbf, her going insane was totally warranted considering everything shes been through) and she had made some clever deal with the hesperians where she never used her powers ever again but not have to die and she could BE ALIVE with kitay and nezha but.... it makes sense that she dies (even though i hate that). it goes against her nature to live and bend to the hesperians, and her death would give nezha more credibility, and she probably wouldve gone even more batshit crazy having to act civilised and not wage another war... so

UGHAVSAJSBAK

i dont even know what to say anymore it all happened so fast and i still cant accept it

the weirdest thing is that the people i feel most sorry for are the ones who are alive (which is not many, but still...): Nezha, first and foremost. 21 years old and he has to singlehandedly play politics in order to save a fractured country. agshjss i wish kitay could have lived to help him through it omfg

also chaghan. him and his people are going to be the only ones left who have access to the pantheon, but they'll probably have to go to war or submit to the hesperians aghhh and chaghan has to lead all that with HALF OF HIS SOUL FUCKING DEAD (rf kuang... i curse you)

also what the hell happened to Lianhua? :( poor girl is gonna get tracked by the hesperians aswell

ushshajshsjss i cant think anymore. im so fucking miserable ^^,

atleast i can look at fanart now :(

[sentientdessert]

Please share

I’ve been dealing with something for most of my life.  And I am at a loss as to what is causing it or what it is.  I’ve been to doctors, specialists, changed my diet more times than I have my socks, and nothing changes.  I am making this post in hopes that it can be shared and if anyone has any ideas based on symptoms to share, because if I know what it is, I can stop it. The sympom is a severe malaise that makes any movement make me feel like I am going to throw up.  I can’t move without feeling worse.  I am basically debilitated until it passes.  It can last anywhere from a few minutes to many hours, with the longest lasting almost 12 hours.  During the time, eating or drinking anything makes it worse.  I don’t actually throw up, though I have tried a few times in hopes that it would make it pass, and was unsuccessful. When I first dealt with it, I thought it was related to not sleeping enough.  Staying up too late, I’d feel this and be unable to do anything.  Laying down to sleep was nigh impossible and I’d have to wait for it to pass.   After my cancer surgery it got really bad.  I lost a lot of weight (I was down to 87 pounds at 6′) doctor is worried and puts me on Ensure to help get some bulk back.  A sip of that would immediately bring about the feeling.  Water, or a crust of bread would bring it on.  It caused me to develop an aversion eating disorder for a while.   Since the cancer I’ve gone to see different specialists to try to put things in order.  GI did both endoscopy and colonoscopy, and apart from some benign polyps found nothing physically wrong.   I went to an allergist, and nothing came back as a severe or even mild allergen foodwise.  Even checking the less common allergies didn’t yeild anything. I have changed my diet a lot as I said.  Anytime something would trigger it I would go off it, sometimes forever, as I haven’t eaten a few of the foods at all since.   I have stopped eating food when I go out because of this, and will only do water or suck on sugar mints to keep my energy up while doing things. I have not had any discernable change in blood sugar levels either. Things I have noticed. My mouth gets incredibly dry during the attacks. I found that in some instances going to the toilet can help (maybe 25% of the time.)  I don’t even need to evacuate anything, it’s just sitting in there for some odd reason.  Maybe that’s more me noticing it more and having that bias there. For a while proteins did not cause it as often as other things.  While something like the Ensure, or pizza would cause it to happen rather quickly. Exercising has no effect on it. Water, it doesn’t matter the source of the water from bottled, to britta filtered to just straight tap water, it would happen. I just experienced an attack about an hour ago.  I have had, water, half a can of flavoured water, 2 mint patties, and about a dozen pretzel sticks.  About a minute after the final pretzel stick the precursor feelign started and I went to the toilet.  It did not make me feel better this time, and I’m only just now pulling out of it entirely. Things which might be important, I live at about 5000 feet above sea level, average humidity is 25-30%.  I have fibromyalgia and severe depression, I do not smoke, or drink alcohol or partake in recreational drugs. If you have any questions or comments relating to this, please share them.  If you don’t have anything to question or comment on, please share.

[sspedrocalungsodandpiergiorgio]

{Venting}

Context: I'm a quarter Filipino, but look none the part.

So, I transferred schools this year because I realized I didn't have good community at my old school (i.e. I was getting bullied for two years stright and it just clicked this summer). So, I moved to a school to which many of my friends with whom I worked this past summer attend, knowing I'd have an easier time finding it here.

That's all well and good. Because of this, I was feelign more confident to join clubs that I'd been nervous to join at my old school. I joined The Filipino club on Friday and has the usual interraction of "huh. you don't look like it...But that's not important to us! We're so happy to have you!" I hung out with them for a few hours, talking about culture and language, and upbringing and the like. It made me so happy.

I've had a really hard time with my heritage and figuring out how it fits into who I am, especially given people's reactions to my appearance & existence. So, joining the club felt like such a big step, and I felt so alive and safe there.

Then, I was hanging out in my dorm's lobby with some friends later that day when one of the club members came over with his friends, and pointed at me and said something along the lines of "Can you believe he's a 1/4 Filipino?!" and laughed, then got another few people to show me off to before leaving.

I mentioned to my friend who was with me that this is just something I have to deal with and while it wasn't, like, explicilty racist it wasn't great, but oh well. But, it has stuck with me. It hurts. It was racist. I can't stand being made a fool of for existing. I get no control over how I look in regard to this, and it just sucks. Usually, it's other white people who are sucky to me, and I've gotten kind of used to it by now, or I at least expect it, but this truly ffelt like a brother, a kuya, turning me into fodder for fueling the fool's flames. I am trying not to burn with shame right now, but what else can I do?

[ichirostitties]

I'LL BE ONE OF THE FIRST ASKS!! WELCOME FRIEND! (This is Mod Ramuda from Marble Texture Imagines!) Do you mind doing some fluffy headcanons for Fling Posse and Doppo waking up with their S/O in the morning? Like Routines, etc. It can be scenarios or headcanons or whatever is easiest for you! Thank you so much and have fun!!!! 💛💙💛💙💛💙

OH THIS ONE WAS SO CUTE IT MADE MY HEART GO LIKE UUGHJGGASGHJKSF i love them so much

Ramuda

-man imagine waking up next to ratmuda wouldn’t that be the wackiest time (u wake up to owo right in ur face)

-ok but he’s probably really clingy so you’d probably wake up and find that he’s lying half on top of you. either that or he’s just hugging you from behind because he wants to feel like you’re his if you get what i mean. ramuda is possessive ok

-you probably wouldn’t be able to move until he wakes up because he’s just that clingy and whiny (dw tho if you actually annoyed him fr he wouldn’t have let you sleep in the bed in the first place)

-sometimes you wake up and he’s already been up for a while, either way you still wake up to “hewwo hewwo onee-san ya ya ya minna genki ii ne ii ne”. Ramuda is still high-energy in the morning I think.

-if you have to get up to go somewhere he’d maybe let you go but you’d have to ask really nicely

-if he wants to have sexy times ur going to have sexy times that’s just how it is but i wont go into any detail this is a Christian ask

-he eats candy 4 breakfast (ok but for real are his teeth ok??) no ok so i think he’d love to make breakfast with you. he acts really cutesy 99% of the time so it’d probably be a lot of fun!! Ramuda’s a fun dude who’d still call you onee-san even after you’ve married him.

-usually though you guys probably just do your own thing food-wise (aka you have something normal like toast and he has 60 donuts or something) and just chill out. I think Ramuda is the kind of person who needs to trust someone before he even lets them get remotely closer than just a one-off date like everyone else and um. u moved in with him so i guess he trusts u now for the most part. you can probably talk to him about anything and he’d go with it.

-he’s really affectionate as usual so he’s probably really touchy and u get lollipop breath in ur face cause he wont stop smooching u sometimes (if he can reach). but do u smooch him back?? absolutely

-overall Ramuda doesn’t actually enjoy the company of others as much as he seems to, so I think he’d really appreciate just being able to spend the morning doing meaningless things with someone. He’s actually genuinely sweet when it’s someone he loves, even if he just plays it off as him being his normal self

-he’s babey!!

Dice

-damn where would u guys even wake up. wild.

-In all seriousness Dice would simultaneously the best and worst person to wake up to (at your place definitely because he’s lost his poor babey). He’s so affectionate he’s probably clinging to you in some way (maybe a little too tightly but you probably don’t mind. he’s a cutie)

-well it’s either that or he’s completely sprawled out and has taken All of the blanket and his arm is across your chest or something and is probably snoring or sleep-talking (IT’S CANON THAT HE DOES BOTH AND IT’S THE CUTEST THING EVERB I LOVE DAISU). so you may wake up to that or because of that. honestly it’s probably not a big deal since you’ve been with him for this long lol

-uh oh i can feel my dice love coming out ughgjhjhjgjghasd oh no here it goes

-dice 100% wants to go back to sleep once he’s up (”I WAS DREAMING I GOT TRIPLE 7s BABE U GOTTA LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP”) and you probably just go with it cause he’s r eally cute + u get to hug him for longer so i really don’t see any negatives

-unless you’ve gotta be somewhere then uhh gl!! you’ll have to drag yourself from his grip if you’ve woken up with him holding you and if not you’ll have to manually move each Dice Body Part that is currently laying across you so you can actually move (and you’d probably have to leave just as he’s waking up/he probably hasn’t woken up yet. but if he was up he’d give u the biggest hug ever before thanking you endlessly that you let him stay with you)

-but if you didn’t have to go anywhere it’d be a really relaxing and chill time! Dice isn’t really used to having a place to stay so he’d be SO grateful like aww,,babey ;( 

-he eats so MUCH and isn’t past pouring cereal and milk on toast or something outrageous like that. hopefully you don’t mind him eating so much! he swears he’ll pay you back (and he will for sure). except he says it with his mouth stuffed full of food so you may have to ask him to repeat himself (or you can just make fun of him if you want. he has the best reactions)

-dice is probably itching to head down to the slot machines (esp after his dream lmao) but he’d be content to stay with you for the morning because he usually doesn’t head out this early anyway!! and he loves spending time with you

-if u play mobile gacha games u guys go through the morning login bonuses together aw how romantic

-every morning with dice would be something different cause he’s just an unpredictable guy honestly, like I don’t think you guys would have a set routine. he’d have some wacky dream to tell you about every morning and you just sit there and listen and nod because 9 times out of 10 they make no sense but you go with it because It’s Dice

-he’s so cute please love him he takes all my uwus

Gentaro

-Gentaro is almost always up before you, he strikes me as an early morning person, so you would almost never wake up to him. He’s not used to affection so if you did wake up next to him and hug him or something he’d probably get really tense and wake up immediately. you could possibly get him to go back to sleep but for Gentaro it seems like once he’s up, he’s up

-not in a creepy way or anything, but Gentaro really likes to watch you sleep cause you look so relaxed and peaceful, and it puts him at ease. he takes half a minute or so to appreciate your sleeping face before he gets up for real. He doesn’t realise that sometimes you’re awake when he does this and you are 100% aware of it. but it’s okay you think he’s cute

-he’s probably sitting at the table drinking tea or something. When you get up he probably just smiles at you while you wake up. I’d like to think this is part of the routine, he smiles to acknowledge your presence while you wake up properly and it just sort of happens every morning

-mornings with Gentaro are usually really quiet. Neither of you feel the need to say much, so there’s a fair amount of comfortable silence and it’s really nice. Even if you have a bad sleep, Gentaro will always be waiting at the table with his cup of tea (and some for you if you like it :0) 

-I think he’d like to tell you stories to wake up, especially if you’re stressed! Honestly he’d put so much effort into making you feel loved, but only in ways that aren’t immediately noticeable because he still isn’t used to intimacy and he probably still gets embarrassed even now ow i hurt myself thinking about gentaro’s past ok i’ll stop

-he really enjoys your company no matter what you’re doing, but I think what Gentaro enjoys most about mornings is that you guys just get to talk. He finds you so interesting to speak to (he himself is super interesting?? he knows so much) and he loves learning about you. Early morning and late at night is probably the prime time for you guys to just talk, so that’s what he looks forward to the most. Gentaro is so sappy he’s secretly a big romantic what a softie

Doppo

-THIS POOR MAN he really really doesn’t wanna get up :^( since he works all weekdays, this would unfortunately be the most common way to spend mornings with him

-his alarm goes off and he just knows he hasn’t had enough sleep, and he wakes up next to you he wants to leave even less, but he has to (the devil works hard but doppo kannonzaka works harder)

-most mornings he wakes up before you, but you’re usually up before he leaves, just in time to wish him the best before he leaves (please give him the biggest hug ever he really deserves all the love). He doesn’t have time to make himself breakfast most likely, so he just has coffee or whatever and leaves. He feels really guilty for not being able to get anything ready for you though :^(

-if you get up before him you could make him breakfast!! He’d really appreciate it and probably apologise for making you do that, but you can assure him it was all of your own will. He would probably be close to tears he’s so happy to have someone like you aww

-on his days off Doppo sleeps like a brick, so you’d almost always wake up before him and he’s definitely tangled up with you cause he really really enjoys your warmth

-he doesn’t wanna get up, so mornings where he doesn’t have work are s o lazy. You just lie in bed with him while he sleeps, but if you really want to get up he’d probably whine and pull you back. It would be an endless struggle and honestly who can say no to him (just look at him..uwu!!!)

-by the time you get up it isn’t the morning anymore. Doppo probably gets anxious about it being another few hours closer to him having to go to work again but he has you there to reassure him that it’s okay, and find something calming for you guys to do for the rest of the day. 

-please love doppo he deserves a big rest!!! i love him so much i want to give him all my support ;( he’s so soft

[joculatrixster]

it confounds me how ppl can see link as a frat boy when this man is so clearly a theater kid throughout most of his lives it hurts and when he’s NOT he is very very obviously one of the weird kid tms that ate bugs 

[fluffyblue-multifandommess]

I got so much done today.I cooked for myself?? (granted i just grilld some meat and cut some pickles and made burgers whatever) and I put some order into two separate corners of my huge mess of a room??? and I did the dishes???? and i danced while doing the dishes because i was listening to Good Music and just, you know, having fun??? and i made plans to meet my friend next week??? and I came up with hobbies an shit for my characters for the story im working on??? it’s the Power Of Spring (or my anti depressants are finally starting to work)

[brekker-by-brekkerr]

okay this is way late but, as promised, my thoughts on the portwell breakup in episode 7: 

First, to all the people saying Portwell was only ever meant to be a distraction, that it was never meant to be an endgame relationship, why all the buildup, then? Why put all that work into a relationship that doesn’t mean anything? If they really wanted Portwell to be a mid-game ship, they could have given them a few cute moments, but they wouldn’t have gone to the level of buying a plane ticket for the other, stepping in to save the day on multiple occasions, giving Gina an entire rom-com episode experience to help her realise her feeligns for EJ, the fricking couch scene, so many little things between them. Consider the fact that Rina was originally written as a distraction. Yes, plans change, but don’t act like Portwell never had any standing, when it was planned before Rina was planned to go anywhere, and it seems like at the time they were planning for Rini endgame. Maybe the writers aren’t going with Portwell endgame now, who knows, but I’m tired of people saying it was stupid to ship Portwell because they were never going to be endgame when Rina wasn’t always in the picture.

Second, the couch scene. Go back and watch that scene. I know we’ve all been saying EJ and Gina have been out of character from season 2 but when you watch that scene it’s like, these aren’t even the same people. This scene has been talked about a lot for how good it is so I won’t dive into that, but I want to talk about the implications that scene would have for EJ and Gina with the college situation.

Look, I’ve known people who were a year or two ahead of their high school S/O and stayed together when one went off to college while the other was still in school. Some of those relationships have broken up. But I know some people who have stayed together. To be able to stay together when you’re both living very different lives, you have to be able to empathize with each other and connect despite the differences in your lives. Which is exactly what happened in the couch scene in season 2. When EJ talks about having his life planned out for him, Gina says she can’t really relate. But they still connect in that moment and are able to understand each other. They both work to understand the other, they both listen, they’re COMMUNICATING SO WELL, which is what this season is trying to tell us they can’t do when we know they can. The two of them work so well as a team because they know how to be in sync, even when they’re going through different experiences. They’re each other’s support systems. They’re a literal power couple. 

Additionally, EJ is planning on taking a gap year. So that would only be one year of him in college and her in high school, which is the same problem R*na will run into.

Now, onto the breakup. I still feel pretty suspicious because why would they have her say “two different summers” when that’s a camp rock 2 song about mitchie and shane, who got back together at the end of the movie. Also, we haven’t had them say I love you so I’m hoping for an “I love you” from EJ next episode. We’ll see what happens.

Anyways, Gina’s feelings are valid. Of course, after all the instability in her life she would want something stable. Of course, it would have been nice if these feelings were built up over the season, but still. The thing we can’t overlook, though, is that Gina’s mom never really fought for her future, but EJ is fighting. He’s fighting so hard for their future, for them to be more than a maybe. It’s so messed up to break them up over this, especially when R*na could be in the EXACT SAME POSITION in a year. Especially when things wouldn’t be a maybe in like one day if the show is a success.

If they had built-up Gina’s feelings about wanting stability in her future all-season, if they had naturally shown EJ’s life going down a different path and wanting to move away and do different things, if we had seen EJ not wanting to do all the camp things because he was starting to feel older and more separate from it (which would be kind of wack bc he’s only 18 not an adult-adult, but whatever) and not just because he has other responsibilities, if they had naturally led to a Portwell breakup in a way that still honoured the characters and their established relationship (that’s been building for three seasons), I could maybe get on board with it. It would be pretty heartbreaking to see two characters who value ambition and going after what you want realizing they both want to go two different directions and it’s time to separate. I still think they could work as a long-distance relationship, but I wouldn’t mind a breakup like that. But with how the show’s being written, it doesn’t make me want to root for R*na. Not when I know if EJ wasn’t being forced to deal with all these responsibilities, he would be the one with Gina in all these scenarios. He would be throwing his all into everything. Ghost hunting in the woods. Color Wars. Every little thing, he would try to make it the best ever. Ricky being there and being nice while EJ isn’t there because of something he didn’t want (the responsibility of directing a show)? That’s not something I’m going to root for. That’s just Ricky doing the bare minimum. Yeah he’s cute but he’s not exactly “better” for Gina, he’s just there. 

Saying Portwell was always going to break up because of their age difference is a slap in the face to all the people with the 1-2 year age gap where one of them is in high school and the other graduated. And saying the breakup is valid because Gina’s feelings are valid doesn’t work, because the breakup still doesn’t make sense.

TLDR; if they wanted to break up Portwell and make R*na a relationship to root for, this wasn’t the way to do it.

I just hope things end in a satisfying way during the finale.

[transgenderer]

Please share more of your thoughts on Midsommar, I am curious

hmm, im not REALLY sure how many more thoughts i have

usually when i finish a piece of fiction i try to find some interesting discussion/analysis, unfortunately most things are either so popular that the big guys have moved in and filled the results with garbage or its so unpopular that theres just...nothing. so midsommar is mostly in the former group, and while there are some insightful analyses out there, i feel like everybody focused on the like, indoctrination aspect, which is generally the least interesting to me? getting someone recently traumatized to join a cult isnt *difficult*, yknow? its not some machiavellian brain magic, cult-joining is a well-established failure state of human reasoning. so anyway i guess the stuff im more interested is like *sigh* the "lore"? like, the culture of the hargas is intriguing to me. i think theres more details in the script and the directors cut? maybe ill read them. seems like a pain. hmm. watched this deleted scene, i dont really like how this changes the films.

also, if its not on indoctrination, i feel like analysis often focuses on the relationship with her boyfriend, which really doesnt feel like the core of the movie to me? idk, its not a realtionships thats bad in an interesting way. the cult is interesting, its specificities, its internal logic. i mean, i think its pretty intentionally far-fetched, the whole gathering thing where they send recruiters out to pretend to be normal, its all very...exaggerated. which is interesting! like, how does pelle's psychology works, why isnt he more affected by the outside world, how much does he think of himself as being deceptive.

oh! also, christian sucks, but i think its interesting to consider his perspective at the beginning, like, say you wanna break up with your girlfriend, you have for a long time, and then her whole fucking family dies. what the fuck! what the fuck do you do! you cant break up with her now! how long do you have to wait? like. obv dani's situation is worse but thats a very bad situation! what a nightmare!

oh! im not sure if i saw anyone point out that dani killing (indirectly) christian is a cool bit of classic indoctrination, like, you get somebody to kill for you and then they have the guilt associated with it, so it requires believing theyre good or youre bad, etc, its a whole thing! like with child soldiers, or in sparta, etc. good detail. what a carefully constructed film!

oh, i like how christian and his friends are definitely kind of shitty (why didnt josh tell them about attestupa! what the fuck!) but theyre not like, THAT bad, theyre a reasonable human level of bad. i feel like it would have been really easy for it to get out of control, all silly and exaggerated, but its not! even the harga are *mostly* grounded, theyre not THAT absurd. i mean theyre absurd. but just grounded enough you could sort of believe it, especially because cults really can get crazy.

oh, having the characters be on drugs half the time is a good way to make their passivity and stuff more plausible, like, theyre intentionally kept off kilter, which lets the harga get away with being more bizarre and terrible while them not leaving is still sort of plausible. also it lets you be more surreal and intense with your visual in a diegetic (and so less danger of feelign silly) way, etc

i really like the running detail where they verbally mimic when other people experience intense emotion. idk if this is the intended reading but to me it felt like an intentional blurring of the boundary between the self and the other, like, intense emotion when other people are feeling normal makes you aware that youre yknow, your own separate person, while the people around you screaming along with you makes it seem like youre sort of...mentally connected, it breaks boundaries between people. its good!

okay i had a lot more thoughts than i thought

[calliecat93]

In all seriousness, regardles sof if you like him or hate him, I don’t think there’s any doubt that Ironwood’s character arc and ultimate downfall were one of the best written character pieces int he whole show. I still remember back in Volume2 and 3 where we all were unsure how to feel about him. He had his good moments like complimenting Ruby for her heroics and his utter badasser at the end of Volume 3... but he also essentially stabbed Ozpin in the back and his stubbirness and pride regardign Atlas and military right was storng from the get-go. Then in Volume 4 since they only had him around when Jaques was, who by all accounts was FAR more detestable, Ironwood looked even better... until the very end when he locked down the borders and made it clear that he had learned nothing. For three straight volumes, the writers made sure to keep tipping the scales. There were so many questionable moments with Ironwood that raised plenty of red flags, but he had just enough sympathetic moments like talking to Glynda about feeling like Oz won’t trust him and sympathizing with Yang evenfi he still disqualified Team RWBY to make him likable and make it plausible that he COULD still become better.

Even in Volume 7 it continued. His actions such as causing Mantle to suffer and his growing paranoia again raised a ton of flags and they were growing a lot harder to justify. But at the same time he had a plan that COULD work in place and with his clear trauma and the whole situation being as tough as it is, one could allow some sympathy. When he finally listened, opened up tot he Council and Robyn, and began evacuations for Mantle as well as fighting Watts, it seemed like he FINALLY did it. He finally learned from his mistakes. he’s finally being the hero that he presented him as. He made a Hell lot of mistakes that need reconciling, but he was now ont he right path. Things were finally, FINALLY going right with him...

Until he saw that chess piece.

With that, the house of cards came tumbling down. Ironwood reverted right back to his worst urges, except this time to the point of no return. His plan to raise Atlas was already insane, but how he coldly confirmed that yes, he knew that he was sentencing Mantle to death. It was a horrible, horrible thing even fi one could find the stream of logic to it. But that wasn’t what ultimately sealed his fall. In the end it was when he snapped at, and then show down, Oscar and in turn Ozpin. That moment was him rejecting the only person left who was willing to reason with him. The last stream of his councious. In the end, he decided to succumb to his paranoia and self-delusion that he is right, and shot at a teenaged boy who had done nothing to him except try to help him. That was the point of no return.

All through Volume 8, he hit low after low. Killing Councilman Sleet simply to shut him up. Having Watts infect Penny with the virus, not caring at all about her life. After all to him,s he’s just another robot under his control, why should he? All throughout he is clearly unhinged with no one either able to or too afraid to do anythign against him less they get a bullet to the brain. Then in Chapter 10 he not only has clear murderous intentions for Qrow, but he decides to bomb Mantle to force Penny to surrender herself... and in the very next chapter decides to do it whether she agrees or not. Yes, Ironwood is willing to kill an entire city just to have the vault opened, and hoenstly I think there’s also a lot of petty spiteful reasons as well. Spite against Penny for going against his control. Against the heroes for turning against him for Mantle. Against Mantle for always seeming to be a problem, one that he can now eliminate for good. Then when Marrow decides that he’s had enough and quits, Ironwood is fully prepared to shoot him and it’s only Winter’s quick actions that saves him. Even though Marrow didn’t even tryt o strike Ironwood, the general decided to kill him just for calling him out.

Throught the entire series, CRWBY played a very careful juggling game with Ironwood’s character. They made sure to keep giving Ironwood enough good and bad moments where him going down either path was possible. But they also made sure to keep every questionable moment more and more difficult to justify until byt he end of Volume 7, there were none left. Then in V8 it’s low after low, culminating him everyone who stood by him either dying or turning against him in one form or another. Even Winter, who supported him depsite her own feeligns because of how much the military helped her after escaping Jaques, decided enough was enough and turned on him. The only person that Ironwood trusted at that point left him, and he’s too blinded by his own delusions to understand why. Even at the very end he refuses to acknowledge his wrongs, claiming that everyone else is ungrateful for the length he’s gone. There was no hope left for him at that point. Just to cement it further when Winter gets the Maiden powers, he tries to take credit for it as the original destiny he chose for her. You know... the one where he would have made her kill an elderly woman and didn’t eally give her a true choice in AND still putting down Penny who was more human that he could have ever dreamed if being.

Winter soundly defeats him and leaves him there. And it is only here, where he is on the ground unable to do anything except raise his gun. Here where Cinder emerges with the Relics and hands them to Salem right before Ironwood’s eyes. Here where both women ignore him until the very end, where Cinder declares Checkmate, that Ironwood finally realizes that no, he’s not the hero. He’s the fool who played right into Salem’s hands, just as the heroes tried to tell him. But now? There’s nothing to be done. Atlas is falling. The portals are gone. There is not a soul left int he kingdom who can or would even want to help him. The only thing that Ironwood succeeded in was creating his own grave. He repeatedly failed ot learn from his mistakes. He failed to listen tot hose who genuinely wanted to help him. He failed in being any sort of hero. And while one could blame Salem and Cinder for ultimately pushing him down the dark path for good, his decisions are his own. He has no one to blame for Atlas’ downfall, nor his own, except or himself. All that he can do is lower his gun and lay there in utter despair as everything comes crashing down. Literally. And all that he’ll be remembered as is a tyrant who sacrificed everyone around him with cold aloofness. As a reminder of what a hero should never be.

It was such a brilliantly done arc. Ironwood is detestable, but he is also one of the best written characters in RWBY. They played the long game, moving him step by step in the direction that they wanted, but leaving just enough space to leave us questioning what will happen. And yet, the path is still clear. We saw so many chances where Ironwood could have made a change for the better, but he decided not to. And it was perfectly in-character for him not to. The dark aspects of his personality were there since Day One, we just didn’t see how bad it could truly be until these past two volumes. Love him or hate him, the writing for Ironwood was extremely well done and applause to CRWBY for all of it. It was executed absolutely perfectly.

[gustingirl]

this is so depressing but i remember you saying you love doing a whole ass love triangle member thing so… how would the boys react to you cheating on them with someone in the band? or how would they react if they liked/loved another bandmate’s partner? - 🪐

i don't know if i love it or i just did it so many times it just became my thing lmao

if you cheat on them with someone in the band:

josh: truly heartbroken, would not be able to look at you and whoever you cheated with the same way anymore. he would become nonverbal instantly, lock himself from the world and would not be himself for a long time.

sam: first instinct is to get mad, will probably first yell at whoever you cheated with and then to you. he would too close himself from the world, even from the others who weren't involved. i feel sam would think everybody is against him so he would literally be on his own.

jake: i don't know why i see him getting physical first with whoever you cheated with. he too would be heartbroken but mad, not like josh. he wouldn't physically fight you, but he would yell at you everything he feels. i see him saying things he later will regret, like calling you names and such (sam would too, but i fear he wouldn't regret them).

danny: would be super heartbroken too, not closing himself but becoming very cold. he would have a tremendous attitude switch that would have everybody concerned about it. he wouldn't get mad at whoever you cheated with but the pain would be so evident it could break anybody's heart.

if they fall for another member's partner (you):

sam: would feel terrible but would proceed to be with you, let himself fall more for you. like i don't see him feelign bad about having those feelings, and i truly see him committing the mistake of not talking with such member. like the outcome would be terrible, but they would all find out after he makes a mistake.

josh: would let those feelings eat him out until he can't take it anymore. i feel like he's driven by impulse so i see those feelings killing him so badly that he one day acts upon them when you two are in private. basically i see him acting before talking.

jake: the opposite to josh, i see him talking before acting. i imagine he would be lowkey proud of his feelings but would be so terrified of the member (your boyfriend) that he would change his attitude around him. when those feelings become too suffocating, i see jake sitting you down, opening up his heart for you and proceeding to kiss you.

danny: i feel danny would deny those feelings at first, trying hard to swallow them and so he would avoid you a lot. but when things get too hard to deny, he would finally admit his defeat, however he would share his feelings first with your boyfriend, or with the two of you present. he would, though, let him know danny can't truly change his feelings and that he hopes nothing bad happens, but he would mark a before and after with his statement.

[othersystems]

dont know where else to put this but i feel like i need to get it out somehow. i had a good friend die and i am devastated about it. she was an incredible person who just selflessly helped everyone around her. i was always in awe of her. not in a looking back way the whole time i knew her i was. she was younger than me and went to my high school and reached out to me after we graduated and became friends. she moved to the city right before the pandemic for a library job, not knowing anyone here and we started hanging out a lot. she was incredible. during the pandemic she used her job to help unhoused people. she ran workshops for teens who didnt have much support, teaching them about zine making and comics and music and always trying to find a way to connect with them trying to find communities for them to be involved with and interests that would inspire them because she felt os lonely at that time and didnt want them to feel that way. she had info sessions at the library about how the internet worked about internet security about how peoples data is sold in big tech. she made book marks with this info on it. she made booklets about where to get free food and shelter during the pandemic and sought out the yemeni bodega strike organizers and colaborated with them to distribute these in bodegas in every burrough.  She did all this caring so much about her community even though she had only been there a few months.

we took long walks around the city together, for a while every weekend. we woudl tlak for hours and she talked with me a lot about her problems with lonliness (but she was incredible she never felt bad for herself and instead would go out on her own to shows and volunteer places and really put herself out there and ended up making so many more friends on her own than i did in my first few years here. she was always so motivated to take on any issue, whether it was her own or tackling huge community issues like housing) but i knew she did struggle with feeling isolated and said she appreciated having someone from home around to talk with. my last texts with her were the end of the summer and i am so ashamed and angry with myself. looking back its many texts from her telling me she missed me, sending pictures of the long island sound saying we should take a trip together out to long island where we grew up. she invited me to so many events and i was so flakey. the last time i told her id be there and just didnt show up. i didnt even text her back until the next day. i was feelign so socially overwhelmed and flaking on everyone at that time and a week later i got very sick and completely dropped off from everyone for months. i never explained this to her. i knew she was a sensitive person and someone who beat herself up about feeling disliked who would back away if she felt someone wanted her to. i am so devastated because i loved her and i just never explained what happend. i learned about her death from an instagram post and only have one real mutual friend with her because she was younger than me in school. im not even sure what happened but she talked to me a lot about struggling with depression and with feeling alone and i just feel like i let her down so much. she was sch a special person. she did more than i can ever fathom for others . and i would brag about her to people, how absolutely amazing i thought she was but im not sure i ever expressed those feelings to her and i just wish she knew 

[cloudspark]

Hi there ! For the ask-game about your WIPs, I'm interested to hear more about : (in)convencince store ; skull shuts up AU and the rarepair week (Rain and Cloud particularly) if you have some time to answer it :D

oh thank you so much for asking!!! i always have time to answer :)))

(in)convencince store

a comedy/horror thing partially inspired by "welcome to nightvale" in which Viper is an edgy as hell, but completely normal highschool student who takes a job at a convenince store only to find it is an absolutely batshit supernatural horrors hotspot- where all of the other arcobaleno work. and also their awkwardly edgy chunibyo demeanour somehow makes everyone think they're an incredibly powerful magician and nothing they do can convince anyone otherwise.

the owner is Kawahira, excpet he is never around and nobody likes him. probably won't show up even if hell freezes over- "he didn't last time it happened", according to Skull.

Speaking of Skull, he is 19 and anyone you ask will confirm. How many centuries he has been 19 is more debatable. His fashion sense is as supreme as it is questionable... about as questionable as his standing feud with the ghost-police.

Then we have Verde and Reborn. Verde is the manager, but stays holed up in the backroom-turned-lab, so Reborn plays stand-in, waltzing around pretending he's hot shit and not the fake-manager of a cursed supermarket.

Lal is the vampire BAMF with on/off boyfriend Nello. Everyone but Viper have a supernatural sense for when they break up and get back toghter, which they do almost daily. "geez, keep up??"

Fon is nothing remarkable, really. Really really, except for the little "possessed by a demon" thing. Very kind and polite and occasionally kills and eats people and everyone treats it as a minor inconvenience at best.

Yeah so basically these are the main characters, and the do whacky shit like badly exorcising a daemon spade- posessed freezer or spring cleaning of doom. Everyone thinks Viper's algebra homework is black magic.

skull shuts up AU

ok so i Definetely need a name for this, but I couldn't figure anything good enough out yet lol. I did post a bit about this one before i think actually.

Ok but basiaclly a collection of short oneshots in which Skull is pretty much like his usual lovable self in his thoughts n stuff, but doesn't know much in the way of Italian and as a result keeps largely quiet around the arcobaleno and kind of fade into the background because he avoids inserting himself into things and even opts out when he can’t communicate it. Avoids playing grandiose because it just looks odd that way. A series of coincidences happen too, like things end up looking a certain way for an outsider on missions, and in turn, the arcobaleno ends up perceiving Skull’s personality/person much differently- and as some of it matches Cloud stereotypes they don’t question it.

Some funny misunderstandings, different pov’s and situations, and the arcobaleno gaining quite a bit of healthy respect/fear while skull screams internally.

KHR rarepair week cloud day

hey, u caught me lol, it's the bermuda/skull mid-16th-century-ish painter/model thing.

so bermuda is the son of a german aristocrat who moved to france to purpuse his passion of being a painter during the renaissance, who feels quite lonely in general but has developed a frindship with hsi myserious neighboor skull who now models for his paintings, though bermuda has feeling running deeper by now. this is a look into one of their sessions, as bermuda thinks on their relationship, his own feeligns plus the appeal of the mystery surrounding skull, but the frustation and doubt when it hinders them from getting closer.

KHR rarepair week rain day

ok so be honest; how obvious is it that i am way too fond of skull? haha, he's the best character though so obviosly i'd write for him.

anyhow in this one the prompt was "gamer" so skull gets stuck as a dating sim protagonist, except all of his dialogue options are consistently shit. it's halfway isekai too- as skull in his original world was a wannabe stuntman; he had just graduated and he wakes up to this with no knowledge of how he magically has a career now, he’s still the same person but he has a different history he doesn't know. while freaking out a little bit over how he can maintain this impostor facade checker face shows up and he gets his first 'dialogue option’ as he's invited to the choosen seven.

Thank you for the ask!!!

[futurewriter2000]

Longer

A/N: What does pissed off Tijana make? She makes angst. So enjoy.

XX

How long does it take a male human being to realize that he is indeed an asshole? Maybe not the longest of time because you didn’t wait for the longest... you waited longer than you intended to. 

It was around the end of May when you and James Potter got into a big fight. He was your best friend in the entire world. There was nothing but trust, loyalty and respect in your friendship. He did everything for you and you did everything for him. All up until the two of you got into another stupid fight that never led into an apology or another word. 

You had waited three days, weeks, months, a whole season and still neither of you made contact. For you it was nothing but pure anxiety, sorrow and fury. 

There were a few steps you had to take when you lost your closest friend. 

Step number one: Fury.  You had never felt more angry in your entire life when he did not apologize. You felt prideful and egoistic, just like him. Both of you had managed to share a specific, horrible trait; stubborness.

Step number two: Sorrow. When something good happened to you, all you wanted to do at that moment was tell your best friend. It took you a second or two to realize that he didn’t exist to you anymore. Sadness and regret, filled your stomach, your heart and your brain went on overdrive with memories until tears fell down your cheeks and you burried your head into a small pillow in your bed. It consumed all your tears and buggers, you pleas to bring him back to you. Yet, you were still too prideful and stubborn to make that first step. No matter, how sad you were.

Step number three: Confusion.  There was a time in month number three where you found yourself thinking that what if you were in love with you best friend all along?- Dreams kept talking to you, bringing him to life in your mind, letting him hold you, smile with you, tease, joke around... everything that felt so much like home. Each time you woke up after those emotional dreams, you felt somethign squeeze your heart and your mind went to places you had never though existed. 

Step number four: Acceptance. Fifth month in and you had managed to accept the fact that the conversation between the two of you will never happen. This time your mind was a bit clearer. You were determined to know that: Yes, he was your best friend. Yes, you did care for him but you were never in love with him. Yes, you missed him- but more or so, you missed the memories than him. In those five months he could become a new person. A person you would not recognise. 

You thought that was the end. You haven’t seen him much around school, barely never because he was always on Head Boy duty. You were happy for him of course, no matter how much he hurt you. Sometimes you could feel those thoughts in your mind saying: ‘It’s your fault.’ - but you knew that was just anxiety. 

It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t. You did what you felt was right to do in that moment. It hurt, it put you through shit but you’re here and you’re better. 

Or so you thought. 

You walked by the common room to find your classmate. She was supposed give you back her notebook. Both of you decided to meet in the Gryffindor common room and you had been waiting for her to come from her dorm. 

You wished that you hadn’t chosen that meet place. You thought you were strong enough but you saw them together on the sofa near the fire and it was like a pierce through the heart that made you stop to breathe. 

So you left because the steps weren’t over yet. 

Step number five: Test.

You ran to your room and you paced around your bed. Fortunately, you were alone and that was good because now you could feel and think however you want without anybody noticing. Your whole body was in overdrive. There was fury in your head, sorrow in your stomach, acceptance in your heart yet you couldn’t. 

You fell into the sheets and watered your pillow once again. 

---

It felt like you weren’t alive anymore. Your heart kept throbbing into existance, your mind screaming. 

That poor pillow didn’t stand a chance. It was wet, beaten and thrown around but it still managed to survive without a tear. 

You put some sad music on, for your mood and hugged the poor pillow. Your cheeks were wet, your eyes filled with fresh tears and focused on the ceiling. 

You hadn’t even heard the knock on the door. You only felt his presance and for a moment you thought you were going crazy. When you found him staring at you with an unreadable expression, you knew he was real.

Or was he?

Your mind really couldn’t process much anymore. It was out of batteries. 

“Are you really here?” you narrowed your puffy eyes at him and he squeezed his fists a bit, glancing at the floor before making his way to you. 

“You look...” he tried to joke but he couldn’t, not when you looked so broken. “...like you haven’t slept or eaten anything in two weeks.” 

You kept looking at him and though he was far away, it felt like he was choking you with his bare hands, causing you not to speak. You squeezed your pillow instead and turned to the side. “Leave.” you mumbled into the pillow, throat squeezing and tears falling. 

“Do you really want me to leave?” he asked softly.

“No.” you whispered really quietly into the pillow, closing your eyes as stronger, thicker tears fell down your cheeks. 

He didn’t hear you but he heard something and he took that as a no. He sat on the edge of the bed and locked his fingers together. “Your friends told me you haven’t left your bed and that you-” he cleared his throat. “-and that you cry every night because of me. That it’s my fault.” 

“They don’t know what they are talking about.” you replied with a raspy voice, staring at the doorknob of the warderobe, that stood so innocently still in front of you. 

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you being gone from classes.” 

“I’m sick.”

“You’re sad.”

“I’m sick of you.” you replied harshly, sitting up and feelign that same fury bubble inside of you. 

“You ignored me.” he replied just as harsh.

“And you let me.” you glared at him.

He didn’t like what he saw. Your eyes were red, your nose, your cheeks sunken in and your skin was pale. 

“I was mad at you James. Mad! And I was done appologising for what I said! I cared too much and you didn’t let me.”

“What is that even supposed to mean?!” he said but as soon as he did, you stood up from the bed and started pacing around. You knew you only had a shirt on and underwear but at that moment that was the least thing of your problems. “Oh, bloody hell, (y/N).” he turned away. “Put some pants on.” he kept looking away as you paced up and down the room. 

“No.” the stubborness in your voice made him look at you directly into your eyes, fire burning in both, yours an his. 

He stood up and left to that innocently still warderobe, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and giving them to you. “Put them on.” he ordered, growling and gritting his teeth as his eyes challenged yours. “Or I will.”

You grabbed the sweatpants from his hands and put them on yet your breasts were still visible through the shirt. He didn’t want to say anything because he knew you and he knew that if he did what he just did, you would throw him through the window. 

“So, suddenly you care? HUh?” you snapped, tightening the waistband around your hips. 

You lost weight as well. - he noticed. He didn’t like seeing you so low. 

“I always cared-”

“No! You pretended to care!”

“I DID CARE!” he shouted louder but you didn’t let his voice overthrow yours.

“WHEN!? WHERE?! HOW?!” you shouted louder. 

“YOU IGNORED ME!”

“BECAUSE YOU PRETENDED LIKE NOTHING WAS WRONG!”

“I WANTED TO MOVE ON!”

“ AND I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT!! Friends talk!”

“Friends also do not ignore!”

“Well, it clearly did not bother you. You had managed to move on without a single care in the world.”

He stormed towards you, his finger pointed at your chest and pressing on it. “Don’t for a moment think I did not care. I did but you are so dramatic-”

“I just wanted you to open up to me! I asked, you ignored me, I confronted you and you snapped at me. Then I ignored you.”

“I didn’t want to tell you!”

“Fuck you, James!” you pushed him away. “Fuck you and your stupid depressed episodes! Do you know how many times I wanted to tell you something that was bothering me but I couldn’t because you didn’t let me. It soon became a topic around you and how you were feeling. I had to lift you up when I couldn’t even lift myself up! I cared! I would have died for you. I would have lived for you. I would have killed for you!”

“I didn’t ask you too! You offered!”

“BECAUSE I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!” you punched his chest, pushing him away, kicking him, throwing hands wherever they could hit him. You were so furious and so sad at the same time. You felt ashamed and defeated. You felt like your whole body would just crumble beneath you. 

You didn’t know what was happening. Everything around you was just numb. The sound, the temperature, the smell,... your whole existance. 

Crying, thinking, not moving, not eating... it took all the energy from you. Your head was throbbing, your heart racing and your legs giving into gravity. You fell on your knees, throwing your head into your head and realizing what you had just said. 

You were in love with your best friend all this time. “I hate you.” you sobbed, feeling him stand beside you. 

He had no words. He had no thoughts whatsoever. He just stood there meanwhile you cried. He squated down to you and put his hands on your knees. He didn’t say anything but you had to. You removed your hands from your face, wiped away the tears and looked at him. “I got hurt for loving you.” you smiled, wiping more tears from your cheeks and letting out a laugh. “And you didn’t give a single fuck.” you pushed him back until he fell from his feet. You stood up and smiled until that smile became terrifying to him. “How pathethic of me?” you let out another laugh, turning him his back.

“That’s not fair, (y/n).” he said, looking up at you.

“Not fair?” you turned around. “What’s not fair is you moving on so fast!”

“What did you expect me to do? Wait for you to come to your senses?!”

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT!” tears streamed down your cheeks but this time you felt annoyed by how many you managed to produce. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. When you told me how hurt you were when Sirius came to you- that was the day I wanted to tell you how alone and lonely I feel. How nobody fought for me! How everybody used me- how horrible I felt as a person! I wanted to tell you my insecurities, my dark thoughts but  I am so glad I didn’t! So glad! I am so happy that I did what I did because it showed me that you weren’t worth a tear, not one but I shed so many for you.” you grabbed your wand and continued to look at him with a disgusted look in your face. “Asshole.” you past him by and out of your room until everything- every single emotion for him was dead to you. 

[whumpshaped]

Here to tell you that you are not grass but, hopefully, dandelions. They were always my favorite flower- bright and colorful and beautiful, but under-appreciated by many. And yet, they bloom. Dandelions grow in the world against all odds, they can pop up in sidewalk-cracks. And they grant wishes, and they are as plentiful and resourceful as they are bright.

Alternatively, you can be Lily of the valley! A personal favorite of mine. They grow in the shade, and are sometimes overlooked because of this. But they are beautiful, and they sing their song softly and persistently nonetheless, and they smell so sweet. Elegant and beautiful, little lily-bells.

Sorry if this was weird I just have Feeligns about flowers and I think you are better than grass. ~🐸

we call lilies of the valley pearl flowers... theyre rly pretty indeed... also i too love dandelions! adore them. always asked my dad not to weed them out but my parents always told me it was just weed and not a real flower and we have to throw them away :') so i guess. yeah. dandelions.. sorry i made it sad it just popped into my head.

also its not weird at all! i wish i knew stuff abt flowers or had any feelings abt them. i always loved daisies, i kept picking them all the time, but they never had long enough uh... like, the green thing at the bottom u can hold onto? they were very short. anyway once i picked a huge bouqet of them but dropped one in the middle of the road. i ran back to get it and a car was coming and it was a lot of screeching and honking and it didnt hit me but everyone was so mad and my mom told me to throw away all of the daisies. so i cried and held onto them even more lmao

i also adore violets and pansies and roses! and uh, what it called. snowdrops! theyre protected by law so u cant pick them so theyre rly special when u see them somewhere... my mom always wants some to plant in our garden but again, u cant just dig one up on the street and steal it- OH AND ORCHIDS my mom was so obsessed w orchids for a while, our house was full of them. and poinsettia!!!!!! those unmistakably smell and look like the day of saint nicholas. we call em santa flowers bc they bloom around the time santa comes on dec 6th... SORRY I RAMBLED A LOT APPARENTLY I ALSO HAVE FEELINGS ABT FLOWERS.

[tamisian]

okay, i don’t know how many of you have listened to When Facing the Things We Turn Away From by Luke Hemmings, but just about every song on that album is an Ian Gallagher song and I can’t stop thinking about it, so i made a detailed post :)

I highly HIGHLY recommend this album. every song is linked down below except for track #5: Baby Blue, because i personally couldn’t relate it to ian, at least in the way i want it to.

under the cut so it doesn’t clog up your dashboards!!

okay, beginning with Starting Line

In and out of focus Moments that I keep Something for the pain And something so I sleep Won’t you comfort me? Warm the air that I breathe Visceral in doses Hiding in the seams Standing on the sun and I don’t feel a thing Won’t you comfort me? Take the fear I don’t need

this whole first section is so reminiscent of ian’s s5/s6 era - when he’s just getting used to his meds and is constantly trying to feel something.

I wake up every morning with the years ticking by I’m missing all these memories, maybe they were never mine I feel the walls are closing I’m running out of time I think I missed the gun at the starting line

i think so much of this can relate to that same feeling - like you’re lagging behind as everyday is just the same. ‘i’m missing all these memories, maybe they were never mine’ specifically reminds me of how weird it must feel when looking back on times he was manic (forgive me, i’m not bipolar so this is all from a viewer’s standpoint). we know ian can sometimes view his bipolar as this big impeding life sentence - ‘i think i missed the gun at the starting line’. with my own ptsd, i often catch myself feeling like i’ve missed out and had this setback that no one else has, which can only deepen depression and that laggy, slow-moving feeling.

moving onto Saigon

When facing the things we turn away from We're chasing the way we were in Saigon Oh, it's picked apart until there's nothing left of us to carry on Now we're facing the things we turn away from

now, in this song, Saigon is referring to a vacation Luke took with his fiancée to Saigon. but it can also be metaphoric. in relation to Ian, this song feels like looking back on the before. Very reminiscent of the scene where Ian takes Mickey to their spot and picks a fight, trying to get them back to how they were. he wants Mick to be the guy he fell in love with again.

Pulling me under, decline and rewind Board up my windows Tryna revive, tryna revive Oh, you never know inside those moments How good it was and how you wasted All this time alone, how long can we hold?

again, very reminiscent of s5 and also maybe season 6??? the most of gallavich we really got that season was ian saying he missed mickey when he was with mandy, and i think this can sort of relate. you don’t know what you have until it’s gone type beat. he’s trying to strike up the same feeligns with Caleb and then Trevor, but it never really gets there, as we see in the s7 gallavich reunion. there’s nothing like their chemistry - ‘what if nothing ever gives you the same thrill?’

onto Motion

With every sundown, I feel alone These hands are strangers, they ain’t my own My eyes are lying, my eyes are lying to me With every comedown, nowhere to go This simple silence is all I know You know I'm trying, you know I'm trying to leave

this reminds me so much of s4 whilst ian was manic and dancing at the club or can maybe even be from the perspective of an older ian thinking back about that time.

moving onto Place In Me which is the most ian/gallavich song EVER

Hold on I never meant you any harm Got no legs to stand on I was just dancing in the dark Now with my eyes wide open It's heaven in your arms

Hold on I never meant to start a war I was just dead wrong I know we've been in this before Now with my eyes wide open I tore you right apart

BIG gallavich s5 breakup feels. i think this perfectly depicts ian’s inner turmoil and struggle over whether or not he should end things with mickey. he thought he was seeing clearly when being with mickey was ‘heaven’ and then he thinks he’s seeing clearly when he ‘tears him right apart’ on the porch. both times he think’s he knows what he’s doing, but he’s just got no idea. he doesn’t mean to make all these mistakes or do all these ‘unusual’ things (ex. taking yevgeny, the porno) and he inadvertently ‘started a war’ or at least the downfall of their relationship. ‘i know we’ve been in this before’ - to me, this can refer to all the struggles they had to go through just to get to s5 where they were officially together. they’ve been through hell together, and yet this is the thing that ends them.

Call me in the morning, yeah I'm sorry that I let you down I'm so apathetic, it's pathetic But I need you now

this reminds me both of some post-breakup feels and also post-psych ward feels. ian feeling like he’s let everyone down, hating that he can’t feel things the way he should. ‘call me in the morning’ reminds me so much of when mickey can’t handle seeing ian like that and goes on a bender, only to show up later with ‘sorry i’m late’. ian’s just been released and he hates the meds, flushes them, still doesn’t understand that he needs them. he’s trying so deperately not to be monica but it’s clear that even so, he’s not feeling like himself either - ‘i think this is the end with mickey’ - but he doesn’t want it to be.

Don't you move Can't we just stay? Can we start over? Don't fade away

'Cause you'll always have a place in me You'll always have a place in me

one of the things i love about gallavich is how even when they’re apart, they’re both so heavily entwined in each other’s lives. they were always a part of each other, shown so deeply in the season 7 reunion and the season 9 reunion. even after everything they’ve been through, they still fit together perfectly. neither have loved anyone like they loved each other, neither have been as committed or vulnerable with someone else.

moving onto Repeat

Here in the shadow Of all that's said and done The love that you borrowed In the morning's come and gone You run from tomorrow But the madness catches up Your pain from the window Yeah, it all keeps stacking up

This is all we are, we are This is all we are

This song is so introspective and reminds me so much of s6 ian who’s just trying so hard to figure it out. This era is written a lot about in fics too, and it’s quite consistent: Ian’s doing the same thing day after day, living in repeat, unsure of who he’s become.

You seem so damn familiar But I just can't place the name You're staring in the mirror But your face won't stay the same Been waiting for so long but the moment never came If life's a game of inches, how'd you get miles away? Away

this section is super introspective, too. he can’t name himself, he looks in the mirror and doesn’t know what he’s looking at - there’s a scene just like that in early season five. he’s often written as just waiting on that moment where he’s himself again, but it never comes.

Hand to the Bible But my wrongs stay still in place Lost in thе rubble But the house stands all thе same You bet on the sorrow Now your heart is overrun You fear what you don't know Tell me, what have I become?

this section is giving me big breakup vibes as well. he’s made all these mistakes that he suddenly has to account for and monica’s convinced him that mickey will never be able to accept him without trying to fix him.

next is Mum

Mum, I'm sorry I stopped calling Don’t know what the hell I was caught in Can't stop dreaming of chandeliers And your voice is all I hear

I'm so heavy Jump into my ocean Can’t you see me sinking? Love the fear of falling Don't you know I'm too young? Can't you hear me calling you? Nothing hurts me now

this song reminds me so much of ian’s relationship with fiona. starting with s4 after he’s left, the first verse reminds me of their conversation when he comes back and all he’d sent was an ‘i’m okay. miss u’ text. ian’s slipping further into mania and no one’s seeing it (which i can’t blame them for, of course, but it’s still painful to watch). it gives me early s6 vibes too, specifically before ian was an EMT, like the scene at the bridge after the fight with lip. it’s like he’s trying to tell people he’s not sure what the fuck is going on, but he doesn’t have the words.

now onto Slip Away, another PERFECT gallavich song

Falling, falling, falling in unfamiliar space 'Cause I was drenched in you before I even knew your name

this song is about knowing you’ll have to tell your lover about all the mistakes you’ve made and all your issues, and fearing that it’ll drive them away.

Drowning out the fires As I'm lying here awake I can feel you slip away Like I knew you would Don't you leave me in this silence When you've seen all my mistakes Now I'm looking for escapes Like I knew I would

during the s5 breakup, ian’s assuming that his bipolar will eventually drive mickey away or that he’ll end up resenting him for it, so he ends their relationship before that can happen - ‘now i’m looking for escapes like i knew i would’

Stalling, stalling, stalling 'til I take the blame Yeah, I lied to you like a promisе on New Year's Day You saw me, saw mе, saw me, I got nowhere to hide Yeah, the worst of me is racing all around your mind

this section right here is a gut punch. ian’s been called out in so many ways leading up to the porch scene. he has to deal with everything he did when he was manic - taking yevgeny, the helicopter thing - then he leaves with monica, purposely ignores mickey’s calls, etc. mickey’s seen all of this - he’s literally seen ian at his worst and ian assumes that that’s all there will be now, just his mistakes. and so he breaks mickey’s heart on the porch because he thinks it’s what’s best - he’s trying to protect him, maybe the both of them

next up is Diamonds

Cut like diamonds and sink like stones Starve myself 'til I'm skin and bones I'm so much older than I ever thought I would be Hold the silence and don't let go I hurt the people I love the most I'm so much colder than I ever wanted to be

So how far is far? Are we too deep in? How dark is dark? I need to see it

similar to Repeat, ian’s just trying to figure out who he is in s6. he’s hurt the people he loves, he’s been cold and mean, and he’s older now - he’s not in high school; he needs a job, needs to think about his future and where he goes from here. it must have been easier to forget about all that when he was living with mickey, working at the club and undiagnosed. now in s6, it’s a wake up call and he’s starting to feel all the emotions that he’d suppressed before. he may be starting to feel guilt over the things he’s done or said.

I'm on the way out, losing the dream I feel it crash down, down on me Caught in the madness, it's holding on me Is this the way it will always be?

There's some things that I'll never know Past the limit it's come and gone Watch the bright eyes as they slowly sink into sleep And that same old silence that I've come to know Every time I find it when there's nowhere left to go

we’ve seen in multiple moments throughout the series that ian can sometimes view his bipolar as a life sentence - i think about scenes like the clinic with mickey, when he asks how long he’ll be on the meds, or the scene in s6 at the college with lip where ian’s talking about janitoring and says, ‘this is where i land’. even the s10 argument when ian’s asking mickey how he knows that he wants to spend forever with ‘all the versions’ of him. 

next is A Beautiful Dream

I see it all here in colour It's such a beautiful dream And I look just like my mother Exactly where I should be If it could go on forever I got some living in me But I shake just like I'm my father Exactly who I should be

And nothing’s coming out right

Can’t you just stay for a while?

now, this is a short song, but very introspective. reminds me very much of lip’s season 6 line about ian feeling like he’s destined to be a piece of shit like monica because of his bipolar. v introspective. just thought i’d add it because it’s such a complex feeling and kind of bleeds into the next one:

Bloodline

The walls are bleeding red Blisters for the scars and the damage did But my pictures hanging here Didn't mean that much until it meant everything

Hmm, and I know I'm so far gone Your heart can't keep a vacancy for me Oh, only you know how long you've got to go

once again, dealing with the theme of feeling like your mistakes are too much for another person to bear.

Oh, there ain't no warning the first time Ain't no one to tell you "Run, boy, run” Like I should've done And oh, when I can't fight the bloodline Living in the seams back home

Luke wrote this song in terms of addiction, but i love how it can be related to any sort of genetic issue, just like any form of mental illness. now, it’s talked about in season 4 that the kids all sort of expected someone would get frank’s alcoholism, someone would get monica’s bipolar, but ian’s bipolar first rears it’s head after a long period he’s spent away. there was no one to pick up on warning signs or pay attention to him. his first depressive episode takes place in the milkovich house - neither mickey nor mandy have any idea what it is, hence why mickey goes to the gallagher house in search of lip.

How am I gonna know If I'm never alone? When I live in the numb And all feeling is gone?

I throw it all out the window All out the window Like it's all I'll ever be

The halls are closing in If I knew from the start, would it change a thing?

i think it’s such an interesting thought process - i have ptsd and i wonder all the time how things would be different if i was diagnosed earlier. i’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts and/or experiences with this if you feel comfortable sharing!!

finally, we have Comedown

It's been a hell of a week Have I left this bedroom yet? I'll sleep this life away Until I see a reflection I can speak to With a cold breeze Maybe I can soon forget I'll wash away the bleach And clear reflections I can see through

All my life I've been beating this horse Breaking these same old wishing bones Hoping they'd bring me back to course All my life I've been passing this blame And once you get on, you won't ever get off And won't be the same

the song starts off pretty straightforward and it’s something i think most of us can relate to - depressive episodes sort of exist outside of time. i think about the way it was explained in Euphoria; you start to forget about all the things that once made you happy and your brain tricks you into thinking that life has always been this way. 

Let it come down on me Let me see all the things that I was supposed to see Light up a darkness I was never meant to Climb out of like a bursting sunrise from the deepest sleep A change of heart and a silver lining down on Camellia Street Let it come down on me

then the song turns hopeful! it makes me think about s10 and s11 ian. he’s married!! he’s doing good!! runs a business!! is on his meds!! all these things that once seemed so impossible to him aren’t impossible anymore and he’s experiencing them! 

I've been moving away Falling down these Penrose steps They're always digging at my heels To pull me back into the dark room Through the doorway Seeing those colors creeping in They give me something I can feel As the seconds start to take bloom

i love the way Luke describes coming out of depression here - it’s slow. ‘seeing those colors creeping in’, ‘the seconds start to take bloom’ - it doesn’t fix itself overnight. there are always things or events that threaten to take away everything you’ve worked so hard for - reminds me of s6 when ian makes a mistake on the job and is sent home, takes a downer and then sleeps it off.

it’s so important to recognize that he actually does that. he’s trying to protect the life he’s built for himself, even though it’s hard and he even verbally says that he doesn’t want to!!!

and now we’ve reached the end of the album. i could spend literal hours talking about different meanings and lyrics and ian’s story but i don’t want this post to take ages to read, so PLEASE message me or reblog or add your thoughts in the notes!! i’d love to hear what you all have to say!!

and once again, i 100% recommend this beautiful album.