#i have drafts collecting dust

[swallowerofdharma]

What happens to your assessment of the story told in Saezuru once you acknowledge that Doumeki forced himself on Yashiro? That Yoneda broke one of the “standard” rules of romance? There is a place between taking in a scene in a fictional story and making a moral judgment (or looking for someone to make a moral judgment for us to agree with). The place where you don’t have to judge and reach a conclusion immediately or make any call on the meaning of what is happening in a fictional story, but you have to first try to understand cause and effect, internal coherence and characters’ motivations from an external point of view that doesn’t coincide with your own. Some of the best stories you’ll come across will require some work on your part: for stories to be listened to and taken in, for stories to operate on you, the reader, instead of you trying to mold them into what you wanted them to be, bringing your pre-formed expectations in too heavily.

I believe that, generally speaking, many readers may have low expectations for comic books, manga and BL especially. I write this and I already feel a bit guilty because there are so many who have such genuine and emotional interest in Saezuru and that take the time to write and read so many extra analyses including reading the ones in this blog. But I have questions when I come across comments or analyses that indicate such radically different levels of interaction with the story, with expectations that it won’t present any real issues apart from 1) those who can be treated as (psychological = pathological) deficiencies originating from “trauma” (actual magic word now that let us magnanimously forgive characters who are “different”) and that must be “healed” (aka corrected: now now child, start behaving normally); 2) those that can be fixed by a punitive action and our expected contempt (bad guys only). Aren’t we maybe underplaying or trying to keep control over what we are reading? Maybe, also, people who approach these kind of stories for pure entertainment and escapism, or because they’re curious about what is popular in a particular circle and want to participate in fandom for the social aspect of it, are relaying on established tropes or fandom staples. All extra context is lost, layers of sociocultural norms or the story’s themes, broader lore or mythology are left behind, because what matters is molding the characters so that they can serve a purpose: in many cases a romantic trope that is often a repetition, an insistence on ideas already used. I imagine that writers that want to tell original stories don’t want the same thing and are actually trying to avoid it when they are writing or drawing characters with depth and coherence and stories that have a scope and feel grounded in a particular world or setting. Even writers who can only publish their work under appealing marketing labels like BL is now. But it would benefit us readers in general to approach this particular story with less preconceptions, less like mass-product-for-pleasing-people and more like a creative endeavor that want to be explored and to create conversations.

Unfortunately - let’s be real and blunt - in some cases prejudice can also lead few people to think that a Japanese mangaka and especially a Japanese woman won’t have the “right skills” to deal with complex subjects with enough “clarity”, or “awareness”: these aspects being sexuality, gender identity or the aftermath of sexual assault, or the sociological aspects of sexual violence in specific circumstances and environments. We have been lead to believe that these “problematic” themes were just so common for yaoi, no further analysis needed, only tropes and kinks, only labels, no nuances, no self awareness. Yoneda might just have chosen the most common type of conflict she could think of without going through too much trouble. And the yakuza just provided the right aesthetic! Okay, I am purposely deeply generalizing here for the sake of the argument, but it happened enough times in other animanga communities that when readers aren’t offered the simple or standard solutions they expected, they denounced “poor writing choices” instead of reassessing their own expectations of what they were reading: endings being the greatest tool for recontestualizing and reassessing the story as a whole. When readers just refuse to engage with entire aspects or pages in a story because they don’t serve their imagination, then they must know that they might be missing something and should refrain from making loud self-centered complaints. As for Saezuru, it’s not that I don’t expect a satisfactory and “happy” ending to the story or I am worried that readers will be disappointed. The ending in tragedy Romeo-and-Juliet style was teased already at the end of chapter 34 almost to get it out of the way and offer a continuation towards something else. So I genuinely don’t expect a repetition of that. But the ending might not be this conventional “issues resolution” or whatever people think that “healing” means. But I do expect that the various plot points and thematic elements will be tied together in the end, because Yoneda has been showing us consistently good writing.

I had a big part of this post in my drafts before recent conversations, so this was genuinely a generic comment on the growing differences within the fandom. I also hope it didn’t come across as harsh or anything more than a personal preoccupation of mine with how we collectively read stories and how we want to maintain the control over potential subversions of the “rules” when maybe not everyone had agreed to those rules and standards.

[childrenofcain-if]

AS THE WREN SHEDS HER FEATHER (ELIAS’S POV AFTER SEEING YOU OFF TO UNIVERSITY)

one of the servants unlocked the door to the manor and elias stepped inside, the peculiar quietness pressing down on him like an unexpected weight. it was strange—to be met with silence when he expected his little apple to come bounding downstairs or to be already lounging in the living room to greet him. he thought he’d have an easier time getting used to it, but now? he wasn’t so sure.

elias handed his tailor-made suit jacket to another servant, glancing at the framed picture on one of the mantles near the fireplace: you, as a young kid, perched on his shoulders, a grin lighting up your face. your mother’s arm is looped around his, a laugh in her eyes so identical to yours as she holds onto the two of you.

he could remember the day that picture was taken, but it wasn’t enough—just memories which grow blurry each day. so he went to his study, where he kept the home videos. the cabinet was hidden behind a stack of old books, almost as though he’d been trying to bury it. but tonight, with you miles away at yale and his heart feeling like it was suddenly too big and too heavy for his chest, he wanted to see her. he wanted to see both of you.

after a few minutes of sorting through the SD cards, he found one simply labeled, “to be remembered.” he slid it into the player, and the screen flickered, a bit staticky, before the familiar image of the manor’s living room filled the screen.

the camera was shaky at first, moving around as your mother laughed, “elias, you’re terrible at this. here, let me…” her hand appeared in the frame, reaching for the camera.

“no way!” elias’s voice, younger and far more cheery, filled with laughter, protested from behind the camera. “i’m the cameraman. you, mijn liefje, are the star.”

“oh, so you just get to sit back and watch, huh?” she teased with a fond roll of her eyes.

the camera settled, a little less wobbly, as elias zoomed in on you, toddling around with your hands outstretched for balance, your whole face lit up with excitement. you must have been barely two, still unsteady on your feet, wobbling a little as you reached for her.

“come here, sweetheart,” she said, crouching down to your level, arms open. “you can do it, just a few more steps.”

elias chuckled as he watched her coax you forward, a surge of warmth flooding his chest. he remembered how her face would soften every time she looked at you, the way her eyes would light up. and then he saw it again—how she laughed when you finally tumbled forward into her arms, her joy bubbling over.

the tape lurched forward in fits and starts, as if elias had just recorded whatever seemed meaningful at the time without thinking about how it would piece together later. the screen shifted to a birthday, candles on a homemade cake—your fifth birthday. you were wearing a crown made of a long balloon that you’d insisted on, sitting cross-legged at the table, and there were flecks of icing smudged on your cheeks. your mother was holding the cake, careful to keep it level, beaming as she leaned toward you.

“go on, make a wish!” she encouraged.

you closed your eyes so tightly, putting your hands together with exaggerated seriousness, lips moving silently as if asking the universe for something only a child could imagine. then, with a deep breath, you blew out all the candles in one go. the room erupted in cheers—your mother, your father, your kindergarten classmates, even some of elias’s business partners they’d invited over that day.

“what’d you wish for, apple?” elias’s voice asked from behind the camera.

“i can’t tell you, dada, or it won’t come true,” you said, grinning, eyes twinkling in the candlelight.

the camera lingered on your face, the pure joy and belief shining in your eyes. elias could remember how the moment felt then, with both of you so young and so certain that everything good could be held together just by love and laughter. he felt a pang in his chest, a memory too nostalgic to hold without pain.

the video cut to the christmas morning of 2009—your mother was filming this time, narrating with a chuckle as she zoomed in on the chaos of ripped wrapping paper and new toys scattered across the floor.

“look at this mess! who do you think is going to clean all this up?” she asked, mockingly stern, zooming in on you hiding behind the couch.

“dada!” you’d shouted, giggling as you peeked out from your hiding spot.

“wow, selling me out, huh?” elias’s younger self chuckled as he leaned into the frame, pretending to growl and chasing you around as you giggle and try to run away from him.

the frame then jumps to another clip of you in the center of the frame, small and wide-eyed, your tiny hands busy, your concentration fixed on hanging ornaments on the lower half of the tree. you were talking to yourself in that way only small children do, a quiet monologue about which ornaments went where and how important it was that they were balanced just right.

“that’s the glittery one!” your mother’s voice came through, rich with warmth and humor. the camera wobbled slightly as she adjusted the focus, trying to capture your handiwork up close. “are you sure it should go there?”

“mama,” you said, in that exasperated tone only a preschooler could muster, “i know where it goes.”

“oh, i see,” she laughed, the sound a warm, gentle ripple through the screen. she shifted the camera to capture elias as he stepped in, feigning seriousness, hands on his hips.

“is the decorating committee open to suggestions?” he asked, crouching down to your level with a grin.

“no,” you replied without missing a beat, making him chuckle.

he then reached over, lifting you off the ground in one swift motion, swinging you in a wide circle. you shrieked with delight, half trying to wriggle free, half clinging to him.

in the background, your mother could be heard laughing too, her voice just as bright and full of love as your giggles. as he lowered you back down, she moved closer, still holding the camera as she leaned in to plant a kiss on your cheek.

“who’s the little ornament expert now?” she murmured, voice so close, so impossibly tender. she kissed you on one cheek, and elias joined in, kissing you on the other, making you squirm between them, giggling with each kiss.

“stop, stop!” you squealed, caught between pushing them away and clinging to them. “you’re both squishing me!”

“we just can’t help it,” your mother said, a soft laugh trailing off as she kissed you again. “you’re so loved, my sweet baby, you know that?”

elias’s voice was quieter but equally warm as he added, “we love you so, so much, little apple. more than anything.”

he pressed another kiss to your cheek, lingering, his voice almost catching, as if he was holding onto the moment where he truly felt like he was the richest man on earth.

elias hit pause. the screen froze on her face—her smile bright, eyes crinkling at the edges. he swallowed hard, feeling the tears well up before he could stop them. the years had done nothing to soften the edges of her absence. the house still echoed with her laugh some days, in small ways that felt like nothing and everything. he let the tears fall, a quiet acceptance of how deeply he still missed her.

finally, he pressed play again, as if he couldn’t bear to stop watching. he watched you grow through that grainy screen: you with your first lost tooth, your first day at school, your proud insistence on making dinner—omelette burnt to a crisp that elias and your mother had eaten anyway, praising every bite.

and then the last video came, a quiet day at the beach. the camera showed you and your mother on the sand, the waves lapping at your feet. she held your hand as the wind whipped through her hair, her smile soft and quiet as she watched you point excitedly at the seagulls swooping overhead. she bent down, saying something to you that he couldn’t quite hear over the sound of the waves, but he remembered the feeling of that day, of everything feeling just right in that one moment, sun dipping below the horizon in a blaze of color.

he watched as the sun began to sink lower in the video, casting a warm orange glow across the sand. and then she looked back at the camera, at him, her gorgeous eyes meeting his through the lens.

“come here, darling,” she called, beckoning him with a smile.

the camera dropped slightly as he walked toward her, and for a moment, all that was visible on the screen was a blur of sky and sand. then he set the camera down in the sand, angled just so, and the three of you were together, laughing as you stood side by side, the waves lapping at your ankles, the horizon stretching endlessly behind you.

and then, just like that, the tape ran out, the screen going to static.

elias sat there in the silence, his chest tight, the memories pressing in on him, so beautiful and aching all at once. he hadn’t let himself revisit these moments in years, too afraid of what they’d stir up, but now the memories felt as vital as air. he could almost hear her voice, feel the weight of her hand on his shoulder, see the way her eyes had softened every time she looked at you both.

he leaned back in his chair, one hand covering his mouth as he closed his eyes, letting the repressed emotions wash over him. the tears spilled over, hot and unbidden, the kind that left him feeling vacant and full at the same time.

he never cried in front of you like this, too afraid that it’d break the fragile tape that held the dam of your devastation upright. but now, elias didn’t even try to wipe the tears away. he let himself feel it all, the bittersweet ache of love and loss, the memories that filled the empty spaces your mother had left behind.

the silence seemed different now though, less hollow, filled with echoes of laughter and whispers of promises he’d made, long ago, to keep always keep going—for you, and for her.

[ishgard]

Presenting: An Absurdly, Stupidly Long and Wordy Warrior of Light-based Questionnaire, or as my bestie dubbed it:

30 WoL Think Thonkers

Less an ask prompt, more of a daily prompt, (though you can use it as an ask prompt if you prefer!) Answer the questions however you want: straight-forward, with stories or screens, or a mix of all.

Get any of your little brainworms out. Wax poetic, ramble off into several digressions, challenge yourself to answer in the least amount of words possible, whatever you're vibing with! (If you want to tag them #wolthinkthonkers feel free!)

This is very Warrior of Light and MSQ based. It's set from a Post-Endwalker mindframe, so there are some minor/vaguely worded spoilers.

----------------------- WARM-UP QUESTIONS

I. Where is your Warrior of Light from? What was their home like growing up and what set them out on their journey?

2. What city-state did your WoL start in? How did they feel about it then, and how do they feel about it now? (ie, did their experiences sour their perception, or make them appreciate it more?)

3. How do they feel about being Hydaelyn's chosen? (Feel free to break it down from ARR's "Champion of Eorzea" all the way to "The Savior of Etheirys" as much as you like. Have those feelings changed, or just grown more complex?)

4. What do they do in their down time? Do they have any hobbies outside of Primal-slaying and world-saving? Are these lifelong hobbies or recent interests?

5. How do they feel now that "it's all over" (the story of Hydaelyn and Zodiark)? What do they plan to do next? Or is their story finished - and if you're retiring them, what does retirement look like for them? Do you have someone else taking the stage going forward?

6. Who was their Azem? What were they like, and were they different from your WoL? Who were their family, friends? Or, if you don't care for the Azem angle or went in your own direction for their past self, how so? How does your WoL feel about their Ancient identity?

----------------------- CHANGES

7. Have they gone through any physical changes? What scars have they collected, and how do they feel about them? Did they sprout horns or other features as a result of spells or pacts gone wrong? How did light corruption impact them? Or have they walked away miraculously unscathed? Are they more peculiar for how eerily unmarred they are?

8. What is one of their biggest regrets? Has it had an effect on how they act moving forward, for better or worse?

9. The Warrior of Light has been through quite a lot, but what is a moment, big or small, that bolstered and renewed their spirit? Was it a cup of hot cocoa or a lovingly crafted sandwich? Did someone give them a few words or a gesture at just the right time that meant the world to them? (Of course, this can be a canon event or headcanon!)

10. What does home look like for them now? Do they still return to the home where they started, and if so has it changed at all? Or have they found or forged a new home? Who do they live with, if anyone? What sort of things do they keep in their personal space?

11. Despite everything, is it still you? Has the core of who they are as a person remained true through everything, or have they been changed by what they've experienced and learned, for better or worse?

13. Is there a canon moment you've drastically (or not-so-drastically) rewritten? A character death, or something that just really did not fit your WoL's character. Or just some alterations and personal touches you've added? Has that had any long-term changes on the wider story?

----------------------- STORY

12. Which canon moments shaped your Warrior of Light and impacted them the most?

14. Do you have any headcanons for what happened post-Ultima Thule? What kind of injuries did they suffer, or did they walk it off like a boss? Did they take a lengthy vacation, did you shove a time skip in there before 6.1 hit? Or was it quickly off to the next adventure?

15. What were their thoughts and feelings on the events of Myths of the Realm? How did they regard the Twelve prior, and how did the revelations impact them? Was meeting their patron particularly special to them, or not really?

16. What were their thoughts and feelings delving into Pandaemonium? How did they feel working alongside Themis and Lahabrea, after all their history? What did they think about how things ended?

17. Taking a step away from "canon", do you have any wholly unique side quests and adventures your Warrior of Light has gotten caught up in? Did they chase down ghosts of their own past, get married, open a bakery, or fix an ancient blood curse on their family line? Have they reunited with loved ones or buried old hatchets? If there's some unique story behind your character, how does it show up and how did it play out?

----------------------- COMBAT & ABILITIES

18. How do they feel about the work they do? As the Warrior of Light they're tasked with quite a lot of violence, is it something that comes naturally to them or do they resist it? Are they merciless, do they try to spare as many lives as they can, or do they fall somewhere in between?

19. While many fights are dramatic or have high stakes, are there any especially memorable or difficult fights they encountered? Outside scripted battles, were there conflicts that you thought felt better if they were tweaked for narrative or lore-based reasons, ie their first time fighting a primal? Or perhaps a more meta "You the player had a hard time so it translated into headcanon for them".

20. Are there any unique abilities that they possess outside of what's in-game? Are they actually a dragon, or do they see visions of the future? Or, is there a special way that their Echo manifests?

21. Jobs! What job is your character and why is that the route they chose? Is your WoL a Jack-of-all-Trades, or just have one (or a few) specialties? Did they start with one job and change to another? Have you 'homebrewed' their job at all, adding any unique twists or details to it?

----------------------- RELATIONSHIPS & THE WORLD

22. What are their feelings on the Scions? Who are some of their closest allies and dearest friends? Are they more of a loner, or closer to people outside the Scions? Have they kindled any romances or partnerships?

23. How do they feel about getting pulled into politics? Are they adept at navigating political intricacies, or does it go over their head? Do they appreciate getting asked to do more than punch their enemies, or would they really rather just punch their enemies? Are there any areas they like to be particularly involved in?

24. How do they feel about Hydaelyn? What was their perception of the Mothercrystal in the beginning, and how did that change by the end, if at all?

25. Do they have any particular enemies that stand out to them? Someone who inspired a lasting grudge? Our beloved and beloathed antagonists give us plenty of reasons to despise them, but are there any that particularly rubbed your WoL the wrong way? On the other hand, are there villains they can't help but sympathize with, even if it's at odds with the narrative or their allies?

26. What are their thoughts on the Ancients, their way of life, and the world they lived in? Did they sympathize at all with the Ascians, or did learning the truth not influence them in that way?

27. How well known are they? Does everyone know their name as the Warrior of Light, or have they managed to maintain some level of anonymity? Do they prefer it that way, and do they have any struggles resulting from it? (Getting stopped on street corners VS awkwardly avoiding questions.)

----------------------- WHAT'S NEXT

28. What's something they look forward to? Exploring the stars, more of a place we've already been, or somewhere we haven't? Or do they look forward to retirement, starting a business with their craft of choice, or any other little old thing?

29. How do they feel heading into Dawntrail? Excited? Exhausted? What do they think of the promises of adventure to come, and their role to play? If you're using a new character, do you have any idea how they'll end up on this path, and where is their headspace starting out?

30. What are they going to be doing while waiting for the ship to Tural?

[hana-no-seiiki]

YAN! SPOUSE: Looks are overrated. Marry for their personality and the future you see with them.

YAN! SPOUSE: And by personality I mean their ability to bully you.

YAN! SPOUSE: . . . And by future I mean their ability to keep calling you a pathetic, waste of space for the rest of eternity.

YAN! SPOUSE: *spaces out, fantasizing about the time you accidentally spilled hot water on them thinking it was intentional* Hah~ 🤍

[mysticmoon-s]

[samanthamulder]

Whatever you and I may differ on, I'll find him, Agent Scully. THE X-FILES — 8.02 "Without"

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

Limp Bizkit featured in Crossbeat & RPM (Rock & Pops) Japanese Magazines (2000)

[dustmint]

I have posted a fic :D!!

Summary below:

"It's just as real as you are, down here. Now, let's see how easy it is for you to snoop around the unconscious without a head...”

—

Mind Lanyon cuts off Hyde's head, this is surprisingly not a good thing

[seokryus]

RIWOO BOYNEXTDOOR TONIGHT

[searockmilk]

please more mommy oro. it is a whole other conversation i am desperate to have

The thing about mommy oro that is so devastating to me is that it started out as a JOKE... from the moment Orochimaru was introduced I was like whoa I love this androgynous snakey character who obviously does not give a fuck about gender. And then seeing pics of Boruto-era Orochimaru where they are clearly drawing him purposely more feminine just solidified that she's absolutely giving Mother. (And then the whole mommy joke spiraled out of control when Kabuto's mommy issues backstory was revealed... but that's a whole other story 😭)

BUT THEN I start watching the Boruto anime?? And there's the whole episode with Mitsuki's backstory (Ep. 39 I think?) where they introduce Log and reveal that Orochimaru created the two of them. I was literally on the couch trying not to bawl my eyes out while Orochimaru was talking to them about how much he wanted to be a parent. I don't remember the lines exactly but he says some truly devastating stuff questioning whether or not he deserves to try to bring something good and pure into the world after all he's done. CRAZY!!! I feel like Orochimaru being someone who eventually grows so desperate to have a child that he creates several of them in a lab recontextualizes some parts of the original story in really fun ways.

Anyway. I love them both as mommy (literal) and mommy (kinky). Orochimaru u will always be famous!!

[eveningearlgrey]

New Percilot fic dropped

I finally finished one of my old draft, and it's out now :D (even though it's in my native language)

Feel free to google translating my work as you please. If I have some spare time maybe I'll translate them by myself.

But for now, enjoy it as it is

Edit : what do you mean Tumblr doesn't magically redirect to the site once you paste the link? Is this new or I'm just basically dumb? 😭😭😭😭 idk I'm usually on Twitter

[solifelessblog]

Two more days for the Dadrius week 👀 … are u all readyyy?!

[tetzoro]

itching to write for astarion again >_<

[agoodfriendtoyou]

You ever see that something doesn’t exist/isn’t a thing yet, and you think “Well now I gotta be the one to do this.”?

Well that’s what happened with an idea I have for a bugsnax dnd au. I’ve seen that people have made grumpuses a playable race in dnd, but I’ve never seen anyone imagine an au for bugsnax based off of dnd. There’s 2 routes you could go with this:

The characters are in a dnd world

The characters play a dnd campaign

I ended up choosing the latter, because I thought it’d be fun to make dnd characters inspired by how I imagine bugsnax characters would play.

I’ve split the snaxburg group into 2 dnd campaigns, because the idea of managing a campaign of 13 players sounds like absolute hell.

The group I have drawn is a campaign run by Eggabell, with Wambus, Cromdo, Chandlo, Triffany, Lizbert, and Gramble as players. I honestly have a whole plot for the campaign in my head, but I don’t wanna get into that now, so instead I’ll show you what their characters look like, and some general information about the characters and the players play-style

These Are The Lads

I’m gonna go from left to right with some basic info

Octavio Hailstone

Storm Sorcerer Blue Dragonborn

Played by Wambus

First time playing, but he gets into character.

Amanda Skullcrush

Berserker Barbarian Orc

Played by Cromdo

Also first time playing, and is good at combat. Horrible at the role play though 😔

Charlie Brightshot

Sharpshooter Aarakocra

Played by Chandlo

Seen Snorpy play, has absorbed knowledge of the game through osmosis.

Talulah Bonebound

Undead Warlock Stoneperson(homebrew)

Played by Triffany

She’s played a bit before when she was younger, but is still learning the new system

Jessica Woodgaurd

Beastmaster Ranger Gnome

Played by Lizbert

Has played before with Eggabell, and surprisingly never played ranger.

Ashton Nightwatcher

Dream Druid Dryad(homebrew)

Played by Gramble

Played some in middle school, but not much since.

(Edit: had to reupload the image bc it was crunched up)

[anon-is-a-simp]

I will not simp for inscryption scrybes

I will not simp for inscryption scrybes

I will not simp for robot stoat

I will not simp for them, no siree

That is why I bought the game, so I would not develop any feelings-

Fuck

[raiiny-bay]

the degenerates: out of context