#i have done so little art lately. i hope my art brain comes back soon

[birt-art]

Quick photo study I turned into a D&D OC portrait, Julian the dhampir bard and pretty boy

[themultifanshipper]

Could you do ⚫️ with oscar

Oscar could hardly believe his eyes.

He was halfway across the world, in a meeting, staring at the thumbnail of a video that you'd just sent him.

Warnings: Sex tape(technically), masturbation, male and female, use of toys, a dildo specifically, dirty talk, mention on reader being innocent, and slight corruption?

Requested from my prompt list

He'd almost clicked on the video out of habit before his brain caught up to his eyes and he realised you were on the thumbnail, and there was very little fabric on your body.

He slammed his phone face down in his lap, and tried to contain the redness forming on his cheeks, as well as the hardness forming in his shorts.

He completely ignored the rest of the meeting, mind racing and trying to comprehend what he'd just seen.

You'd never done anything like this before, always keeping your sex life firmly between the walls of your bedroom.

Not that he was complaining, you were so sweet and innocent, it really turned him on when he thought of when he'd first met you.

You were so adorably naive, and he'd taken great pleasure in teaching you everything he knew. You were all his to corrupt and mold into his little slut.

But all of that stayed in the bedroom!

You'd never so much as sent a dirty text. Never mind a whole video of you doing god knows what while he was at work.

It was too late now, he was hard. And the meeting wasn't going to end anytime soon.

So he did what any rational horny man would do, he grabbed his phone, excused himself from the meeting and rushed to the bathroom to watch that video.

And what a video it was. Barely 10 seconds in, his shorts were already pulled down around his thighs and his cock was leaking into his fist.

“Hey baby, I hope you're having a good day at work” you purred.

The sound was turned down low but it seemed like the loudest thing in the universe to Oscar.

“I know you must feeling lonely at the moment so I decided to show you what I get up to when you're gone…”

Oscar was throbbing in his hand. He took a quick look at the time stamp, 00:24/08:56.

Holy fucking shit, no way was he going to last nine minutes.

You went to sit on the edge of the bed and he got a good look at you for the first time.

You were wearing a set of papaya lingerie. The bra was beautifully intricate, but it hid absolutely nothing, your nipples on display as your hands ran across your skin and went up to pinch them.

What caught his eye though, was your panties. Your crotchless panties.

Oscar felt a drop of precum slide down his cock that he refused to touch, lest he come too soon and ruin this experience.

“Do you like the set? I got it the day after you left. I already missed you so much I wanted something that reminded me of you.”

Oscar couldn't help it, he took himself in hand and squeezed lightly, just to take the edge off.

You climbed onto the bed and spread your legs. Even in the dim lighting, he could tell you were wet and god, you were going to be the death of him.

One of your hands trailed down your stomach and came to rest just above your shiny slit.

“Look Oscar, look how fucking wet you make me and you're not even here… it's pathetic”

Your hand went lower, to spread your folds for him, just to drive Oscar mad. And unbeknownst to you it was succeeding beautifully and then some.

Oscar growled at the sight, gripping himself harder.

Your fingers rubbed through your folds, wetting them just like he always did, before bringing them to your mouth for a taste.

Fuck.

Oscar glanced at the time again Only 2 and half minutes in? how was that possible, he felt like he'd been staring at your pussy for an hour now.

Or maybe he'd accidentally paused the video to stare at the work of art that was laying on his bed.

“I taste so sweet, no wonder you love spending so much time between my legs”

Your hand went back down to circle your entrance before dipping inside, and you let out a low gasp at the intrusion.

Oscar blacked out somewhere between that and the third finger, only realising he'd missed anything when you took your fingers out and sucked them clean, while maintaining intense eye contact with the camera.

Oscar was about to combust, and he'd also seemingly forgotten about his dick as his hand tightened suddenly and he groaned at the sight of you quickly getting off the bed.

Was it over?

He frowned and checked the time. The video was only just over half way through…

“Now for something I think you'll really enjoy…”

You pulled out of the bedside drawer what Oscar realised with a start was… a dildo.

Where the fuck had you been hiding that? He had no idea you owned it.

You grabbed some lube as well and it dawned on Oscar that this was why the panties were crotchless.

You were going to fuck yourself with a dildo on camera wearing his colour.

Fuck, he was so in love with you.

And he was so incredibly hard for you.

You lubed up the dildo and hovered over it, ready to sink down, when you stopped and looked up at the camera.

It felt like time had stopped for Oscar, he felt like you were staring straight into his soul as you uttered your next words.

“By the way Osc, I had this dildo modeled after your cock, so that I could fuck you even when you're not here”

And with that you sank down, and Oscar felt the air being sucked from his lungs, as if he were there and you were actually sinking down on him.

You moaned so loud it echoed against the tiled walls of the small bathroom and Oscar had to check the sound level on his phone.

You lifted your hips and dropped back down, a guttural sound escaping you as you threw your head back and kept moving your hips up and down.

Oscar spat into his hand and started jerking himself off furiously, eyes glued to where your cunt was split around the silicone.

“Oscar… you feel so fucking good. I love your cock so much.”

Oscar could tell you were close by the way your thighs trembled and your breathing got shallower.

“Fuck Osc, I'm not gonna last long…”

“Me neither, baby” he whispered “touch yourself for me, make yourself come on my cock”

You obviously couldn't hear him, but as if you'd read his mind your fingers went down your body and started vigorously rubbing your clit, letting out little cut off moans on every roll of your hips .

“Oscar!” you came with a cry of his name and that sent him over the edge as he did his best to aim into the toilet bowl, but he came so hard he actually crumpled and had to hold himself up to not fall on the floor.

The video ended and put itself back to the beginning.

He scrambled to turn it off as his post nut clarity hit and he realised where he was and how loud he'd probably been.

And because the universe was a bitch, a sudden knock rang against the door and Lando's voice pierced right through Oscar's inner peace.

“Mate, I know you miss your girlfriend but I really didn't deserve to hear that”

“Piss off” Oscar groaned and Lando cackled before sauntering off, laughter echoing through the corridor.

Oscar looked at his phone and noticed that you'd just sent him another text.

“did you enjoy my gift? ;) ”

It was out of the question to let you know exactly how much it had affected him so he took a deep steadying breath and typed out a short response.

“I can't believe you made a sextape… Without me :( “

[waywardstation]

I'm a little sad to see this blog mostly shares polls nowadays... I miss the AU talk and random chatter about ideas or headcanons, your opinions on things and the wip wednesdays I'm still happy to see your art in between all those polls. (before forgetting: you might have already lost but to me Train of Thought IS and WILL BE my favorite submas AU. No contest. Nope. Never.) But yeah, missing the old days here. Dearly. Verrrry much. Don't get this wrong, you're either probably still recovering, you're insanely busy or maybe even moved on... either way wishing you have fun with wherever tracks take you! I was happy to be on this blog in it's prime.

Hey Anon! I will be honest with you on this cause I do want to explain what has happened with this blog lately, and where I plan to go with it. (It’s not going anywhere, don’t worry!!)

There are a few reasons for the inactivity. Part of it is just me recovering from university work. I pushed myself way harder than I should have for way longer than I should have, and now I’m kinda trying to just recalibrate my brain and mental health. It’s really foggy and I struggle with concentration and comprehension a lot currently. (And this is also why I haven’t really answered asks, when I tried to answer Papa Ingo AU asks while like this, it really only led to getting confused and correctional asks in response, because I kept getting things wrong, and that made things really overwhelming.)

AND SECOND! Most of my free time right now is not being spent on this blog, because most of it is going into writing and editing. Concentration and comprehension issues are making it take a lot longer than I’d like it to right now, but I have a lot of content on the way!

- four new chapters of HFBE

- three chapters of IWLYB

- a five chapter, 25k+ word fic titled Rain Check

- another fic titled Entropy Syndrome

None of these are out yet because Entropy Syndrome’s narrative covers a concept that spans across all of these other fics and chapters, and it’s adjusted a lot of content that’s making me rewrite things several times over to ensure it’s properly written in and connected ^^;

And lastly, sadly a lot of it is just irrational anxiety. I stopped posting for a while for university, and anxiety makes me irrationally scared to start again because it always makes it hard to start back at something once I’ve stopped ^^; (I’m hoping dumping all these fics will alleviate this when I’m done with them though! Fic posting is what diminished my anxiety enough to start this blog in the first place!!)

BELIEVE ME I miss how this blog used to be as well, but my mentality is still sort of recovering from what I did to it for four years straight, and I can’t really force it to keep going more right now. It’s certainly a process, but I’m recovering!

Lots of stuff is coming soon! I have a few minutes drabbles on hand, I will attempt to start posting those while I keep working on these fics.

Thank you for the ask anon!! It means a lot that you liked this blog so much. I still love it, and I’m taking care of myself as best I can so that I can get back to running this blog at full efficiency!!

Thank you again Anon!!! ^^

[riddlerosehearts]

HELLOOO ITS ME IM BACK AGAIN!!!! i meant to respond to u yesterday but i've been kinda swamped with christmas stuff asw as finals. the d&d session i mentioned went amazingly, and i've wanted baldur's gate 3 for ages i just haven't bought it yet!!! i plan to soon though. i don't have too much to yap about this time... i've had some more fic ideas floating around in my brain, specifically some winter/christmas themed ones!! hopefully i can manage to write them even if they're super short. AAALSSOOOO my friend finished the idiavil art i mentioned previously and i am IN LOVE WITH IT....

THEY'RE AT RHE ARCADE IM SO JOYOUS T.T

i also really enjoy the fact the little plushes in the vending machine that idia's trying to win are that same friend's persona... ok thats pretty much all i had to share but i'm just so in love with this art and wanted to share it

hey, no worries, i'm glad your d&d session went well!! i don't have anyone to play d&d with irl but it's always seemed so fun, and i know a bit about it because of some podcasts and actual play shows that i've gotten into. which made it really easy for me to come up with an OC for my first baldur's gate 3 playthrough since it's based on d&d! i'm hoping soon i'll get fully into it again and start making more progress in my other playthroughs that i started a while back but i haven't been playing much lately. fun fact i accidentally made my OC/canon ship from my first playthrough a little bit vilidia coded but with the colors swapped AKDFJHGDFGH i've got gale, the nerdy reclusive wizard man who wears purple, dating elenion (my OC), a charismatic celebrity bard who wears blue, and he has long blond hair. lol anyway i hope you have fun with the game once you finally get it!!

AND AAHH THAT ART IS SO CUTE!! i love that they're having an arcade date and trying to win plushies together!! has your friend posted it anywhere like on here or twitter/bluesky that i could share it on? if not then you should let them know i love it! 💙💜 and good luck with the winter/christmas fics too btw! if you start a christmas fic and don't get it done in time there's no shame in posting a little late--i posted vilidia halloween headcanons on november 1st last year, and people still enjoyed them.

[pbandjesse]

I had a shockingly long and busy day. I was not expecting that. But I ended up teaching essentially two workshops between camp and creative alliance. But now that's its done I actually feel great mentally. Physically I'm very excited that I don't have to leave the house tomorrow.

I slept fine. But I did not want to get up. And since I knew I didn't have my first workshop until 1230 I knew I could get away with sleeping a little late. I set my alarm for an extra hour. James came in to give me a kiss and say goodbye but they said something about boxes and I was half asleep and couldn't figure out what they meant so then my brain wouldn't turn back off and I didn't end up falling back asleep.

So I just stayed in bed an extra half hour before getting up. I got dressed and had cereal. My hair is driving my a little crazy. It looks so nice when I first wake up but then just looks crazy throughout the day. I also think the top layer is breaking which is frustrating because I don't really know how to fix that. I may start wearing braids more especially since it's getting so long. I don't actually want to cut it shoulder length again right now but we will see if I stick to that.

I left here and got to camp around 830. I went straight to art to load up my wagon with all my painting supplies. But I was not feeling good. I think I've figured out that if I'm standing or laying the nausea is not terrible. But sitting down kills me. But then I am tired from standing and want to sit. It's a lose lose.

Once I was ready to go I would set up my hammock and just chill in it for an hour. My car blanket was still in the laundry so I wasn't as cozy as I wanted but it was nice to just lay there. I really need to figure out how I can hang a hammock at our house. There isn't an amazing space for it. But I think it would really make me feel better to have that somewhere. I'll investigate that soon.

Around 930 I went down to the office. It was a pretty quiet morning. I would find some step by step guides for drawing turtles and snakes and salamanders. I thought that this would be the most helpful for having the adults paint. It's like hey maybe you don't have an idea but you could follow this or you can do whatever you want I'm not your mom. And I thought that since those were the animals they got to meet yesterday they would enjoy them.

And I was very right! But that wouldn't be for hours.

In the mean time I would play around online. Sent some emails. Watched TikToks. I would have my lunch at 11 even though I wasn't actually hungry. It was just soup and it was really nice.

Heather had me scan some stuff for the land trust and construction projects. I was eavesdropping on their meeting a little. Not on purpose but the walls are pretty thin. It seems like there is issue moving forward with the rising ring because of the new building in the woodlands village. I don't 100% understand why but it sucks and I hope the are able to solve it.

Finally though I could head over to the lodge. The ground was really really muddy so getting my wagon over there was precarious. But I made it. And when I did get over there the group also asked me to bring a mop over to one of the cabins and to help turn on the heat. Can do!

So I helped with those tasks first before I set up a table for my painting materials. And then I would draw out a tortoise for me to paint. I like to teach by example. And in this case (and many cases) my example is just working along side them.

And this worked out well. They are adults and there were 3 other stations they could chose. Horsemanship, Zipline, and bb guns. I would end up with 4 people over the two hours but honestly it was so nice. Everyone was just doing their own thing. Sometimes coming over for advice. I would go around and encourage and point out things I thought was nice about their techniques. The one guy had brought his own canvases so his was much larger then everyone else. But it was honestly just such a lovely afternoon. I painted my tortoise. I chatted. I laughed with them when the staff was singing and being so silly. It was a good day. Even if it was shockingly gross outside.

Which made getting my wagon back to art horrible. Getting it through the mud and then up the hill was not fun at all. But thankfully I did not fall and the wagon didn't tip over. It just made me a bit exhausted.

So after I put everything away I had to take a half hour to sit at the office. Joe let me know they a neighbor is going to adopt Bobbi cat. I'm so thrilled. They deserve a good home. I hope they are gentle with them.

When I got back to the office after talking to Joe about the cat, Sarah gave me a really nice pumpkin muffin. Which was so kind of her. I would sit at my desk and enjoy that. Talked to Alexi and Heather about my pregnancy symptoms. And after checking in about next week's field trip I would head out.

I decided I wanted Burger King. I just thought that a veggie burger would be nice. And I was mostly right. It was a weirdly long wait at the drive through when they didn't seem to have any other customers. But it was fine.

I ate in the empty parking lot. And while the food was very good I would feel a lot of stomach pain half way through and I was sure I was going to throw up. I would breathe through it and be okay but it was upsetting that that keeps happening. I should be able toe at a single burger without getting so sick!!

But I had a plan. I needed to get home by 4 so I could sleep for a little before my workshop. I needed to do that to make it through. I was very anxious about the workshop. Like I always am. So sleep was important.

And I would sleep. I got home and changed into a sweatshirt and laid down and was out pretty quick. And it was a good little power nap. I woke up at 5 and James was home. I wasn't feeling amazing but I had to shake that off.

I got redressed. And spent a little time cutting out canvas because I realized I didn't have a great plan for how they were going to practice stitching. I would lay on the couch for a few minutes with James talking about our days. But then I had to go.

I would honestly feel a lot better by the time I got there. Still nervous but some teens would let me in the building and I would go set up. We were doing the workshop in the kitchen because the dance class was stomping so loudly again. And it was still loud in the kitchen but not as bad. I got all set up and waited for people to come in. We did t have a desk person tonight so it was a little tough getting people in the building but we managed and all 8 showed up which was awesome.

And these guys were new new new to sewing. So we absolutely started with the basics. Here are all the materials. What types of fabrics. How to use different materials for different applications. And I'm so glad I brought the canvases. I drew on each one so they could follow guides for the 5 stitches we learned. And we would talk about how each one can be used, both for making it for mending. And it was just a really awesome evening.

We had a lot of laughing and chatting. I worked on my own sampler so they could see what they needed to do. The hardest part for them was tying the knot at the end of a row but I think they the end they understood my trick or just tied it like a shoelace. Either way was fine with me. I was being as encouraging as possible and problem solving. We talked about how to see a button. How to find the needle through the back of the fabric. A running stitch, little x's, a back stitch, a whip stitch, and a blanket stitch. And once we got to the blanket stitch I had them cut out little felt pieces to make a pin. Which was very cute and they all did so good. I was super proud of them.

Slowly people started leaving. To go to dinner or trivia. The last two ladies were chatting with me and helping me pack up. And then it was goodbye and see you next time.

I have two more workshops on the calendar. I didn't realize that the class catalog had my workshops on the first page! And my face/part of my face with a project on the 4th page. It was really cool to see. Made me feel really excited.

I carried my basket of materials to the car. And headed home. I was excited to see James at their desk when I walked it. It's the best part of them moving their office to share my studio. They are usually right there and it makes me happy.

We would sit on the floor and talk. Played with sweetp. Mostly just poked and pet him. But eventually we came upstairs. James went to shower and I worked on this.

But it is time for me to wind down now. Tomorrow I am hoping to have a productive morning at home. I want to move out cleaning products to the basement. And do some organizing in the bathroom. And then in the afternoon we are getting out new backdoor and I'm so excited to get a door with a window. Game changer for sure.

I hope that it all goes smoothly. And that I don't feel so sick. Fingers crossed.

Goodnight everyone. Sleep well. Until tomorrow.

[writingmysanity]

One year back on Tumblr

So, I am a little late on this since my one year mark was on the 21st. I originally wanted to do something fun for my one year anniversary but I realized that I just am burnt out at the moment. I am sure that you've noticed the lack of content- and I am sorry. I am hoping soon.

Instead, I've decided to make a post for some of the highlights since I've come back to tumblr. I've met so many wonderful people that I know that I wouldn't have had the honor to meet otherwise. I just want to list some of my mutuals and also artists and writers I've had the opportunity to find and interact with that i think you should all check out their content if you haven't already.

I am going to separate this by fandom lol because I love you all but I tend to lose myself in trying to remember everyone sometimes.

The Witcher first because it is what gave me the inspiration to come back and share my random bits of writing with you all.

@seidenbros steffi, beloved, you are truly the sweetest and kindest person ever. I have been blessed with your presence. you have been one of my biggest sources of encouragement and defiantly a huge enabler. you have listened to countless rants and ideas of story ideas that didn't always take off but that didn't stop us from ranting about them and fleshing them out to the point where they may as well have appeared, fully written and perfectly edited.

@cosmos-coma hello, sweetheart <3 one- happy belated birthday once more. I am so angry with myself for having gotten it wrong. Thank you for the light youve brought to my life. our letters and just being able to have someone to talk about the random craziness in life has been the absolute craziness of this world and our lives has been amazing. thank you for everything youve done, your unending adoration for my mini me who is the epitome of chaos but makes for some hilarious stories. I love our friendship more than words could ever properly express.

@queenxxxsupreme Kacey, you're probably my biggest enabler. you are an amazing writer, and an even better friend- even if you don't feel like you are sometimes. you've helped me through more than you realize in the last year that we've known each other. I can't wait to enact our plans to run away to another state and be cryptids in the woods and sell fancy cheese to rich people by the sea shore.

@daughterofautumn Goose, I haven't known you quite as long as the others but you have definitely sewn yourself perfectly into my life. your chaos and crazy energy fuels me daily. you and your obsessions (inadvertently dragging me into said obsessions) make my entire day. i love your energy. not to mention the absolute chaos that is your life. please sleep more darling, and drink plenty of water. I worry.

Arcane next!

this fandom was one that I defiantly stalked in silence for at least a month before I finally gave into the brain rot specifically for a wonderful person who amazes me with the depths of the love and kindness Shes shown to everyone who has the absolute pleasure to engage with her.

@grumpyoutlaw Grumpy, my beloved- my muse. you have been nothing but an absolute delight, a light, the very heart of this fandom. your art was what brought me into your orbit but your kindness has kept me around. writing that first piece for you was possibly the most spur of the moment but also the greatest domino that has affected the sheer amount of community i have been honored to encounter. thank you for everything. I adore you so much!

@thedreamlessnights Jams. I don't even know where to start. thank you for being so wonderful to me. your vampire fic was pinnacle for dragging me into this fandom well before i even fully committed to the fandom itself. and you followed me?? before I posted anything?? it always baffled me. you claim it was vibes lol and ill take it. you're an amazing writer and friend and I cant believe i get to call such an amazing, open, supportive person my friend. the space you've opened for everyone who wishes to let them have space to be themselves has been a blessing on my day-to-day life.

@sherwood-forests darling, I know we haven't spoken much but you are defiantly responsible for my Silco brain rot. I took a chance on your dragon fic and I cant ever recommend it enough. not to mention how kind you are?? you are the real treasure! thank you for encouraging me and being a light for everyone in the fandom.

@cedarcia DARLING. where to start? i can't believe you follow me and i cant believe I've been given the chance to be your friend. your talent is almost as impressive as your heart. you're always the first to hop on the train to try and help someone the best you can. I cant wait to visit and dress up like pirates to go sailing.

@thehistoriangirl first and foremost, your rants your T A G S... darling they give me life. getting to freaking out over our blorbos and stories we are working on (with a sprinkle of life outside fandom) has been amazing. bouncing ideas with you has never been boring in any capacity and the only thing i know to expect when i see that I've gotten a message from you is sheer just E N E R G Y and i LIVE for it. it is unmatched. not to mention you are 100% an enabler. ahaha

@mariana-souza getting to know you, in the short time that I've gotten to, has been amazing. getting to see how much work you put into your work- both art and writing- has been motivating to say the least. i love that we are able to just scream about things together- how you always seem to know what questions to ask when were talking about each others WIPs. your art is what brought you to my attention, and I am so glad I made the decision to interact with you further.

Shadow and Bone/Six of crows next!!

somehow, i feel like this fandom is simultaneously the smallest of the fandoms i find myself somewhat active in, but also the most tight knit.

@maliciousbrekker Cal. I don't know where to start- you are a wonderfully talented person and so very kind to everyone (also, I am sorry about dragging you into arcane in the middle of your SOC love <3) you are so relatable and i cant help but laugh at something you've posted at least once a day because S A M E. i know we aren't super close but just knowing i have such a wonderful mutual like you, who has on more than one occasion reached out just to check on me, i appreciate you more than you know and seeing your name pop up in my notifications always brings me joy.

@ell0ra-br3kk3r @sophierequests-trashblog I adore you both, I am sorry that we don't talk more often, you are both so pure and i love the interactions that we've had, even if they've been minimal. your amazing writers that i cant ever get enough of. thank you for being so welcoming into the fandom even if I've only ever written one piece to it in total lol. <3

there are several other moots that i just haven't gotten to engage with much at all, but i see you! in my notifications every day, and it makes my day every time. @insult-2-injury @astudyincontrasts @uniquedeerwitch

and of course- I can never forget my friend @rainbowpitofdoom you have been around for so long. we have seen each other grow and change and learn. you are honestly one of the best friends I've ever had and just getting to know you as a person has made me a better person and i need you to know this. I love you lots, Chesh and i don't know where id be without you.

every single one of these lovelies are wonderfully talented and just amazing people. they are writers and artists and they are a delight to know and get to engage with- i promise. if you ever need something new, or just to read something again, please! give them some love. they deserve every bit of it.

I love you all, and if you ever ever need anything please do not hesitate to reach out. even if its just needing to talk to someone. i truly thank every lucky star out there that ive been lucky enough to meet you all.

[maplesorbet]

reaaalllyy hoping i finish all these sketches/doodles some day soon because i am very satisfied with them and want to see them complete lmmaaoo — we will see though because art fight is once again taking over my life and all my energy. but for now, you get sneak peeks of my most perfect imperfections (aka, they don’t look quite right but i’m still happy i got them started).

CW: venting/emotional (?)

ANYYYWWAAYYY — my quick tumblr diary vent entry is just gonna be me appreciating my best friend and picking apart my brain✌️🥹.

for the most part, life is kind of kicking my ass and everyday feels suffocating, but for once in my life, i genuinely have someone who i can comfortably open up to. it’s a weird feeling? being vulnerable in a healthy way? in a way, i think parts of my brain is trying to reject the idea that i can fully trust and ask for support from someone. i’m really not that sure why my walls have come down like this so quickly in a sense?? but i’m really grateful for each and every day that i am able to spend with them. there is nothing i could do to ever repay how much they’ve done for me. this has been the most growth i feel within my own character and emotional well-being. though of course there are many important people in my life, i’ve learned so much from just one person about so many different things and so many ways to think positively, accept myself, and to look for the things in life that may be fulfilling. i’m relearning to take care of myself more and to try to prioritize my well being. though life-long habits will die hard, the comfort of knowing someone cares enough to be patient while im growing hits me like a brick. as a chronic cry baby, i’m relearning that it’s okay to cry in front of people and that being sensitive doesn’t mean i’m weak.

the other day, i told my best friend my deepest secret after an especially rough night. i cried so fucking much that day. it’s terrifying to tell someone something you’ve been closely guarding almost all your life. it’s terrifying when the last person you showed vulnerability to in the same way told you to just find a way to deal with it and to never talk about your struggles again. it’s terrifying to give your all to people who tell you that you mean so much to them only to realize too late that you don’t actually mean as much to them. in every sense of my being, this fear still racks at my brain, though i think i’ve accepted it as my fate, my role and purpose. now, though it feels like a weight lifted from my heart, i find it terrifying to feel like i matter to someone just as much as they to me.

the intrusive thoughts in my mind warn me that i’m making mistakes. they tell me that i should run away, that i should put back up the fucking walls because they’ll keep me safe. but some part of me wants to trust again. i want to keep indulging in being able to rely on someone who doesn’t judge my very being. the guilt eats me alive each time but they reassure me that no boundaries are being crossed. though, even if i’m blinded by hopefulness and my experiences run parallel to that of the past, i will never resent everything i’ve learned and the validity i received.

as fucked up as i am of a human being, i truly hope in this world that everyone is able to find someone for them even half as lovely and genuine as my best friend. even if just for a little bit, i want to keep trusting in his words.

(if you happened to have read through the entirety of my vague-ass brain dump, thank you very much 🤭<3 i dont think much of it makes sense as it is past three am and i have had so very little sleep the last couple if weeks, but i wanted this here for myself hehehe — hopefully it had some sort of entertainment factor if you were bored enough to read it !! anyways, now that i’ve gotten this off my chest, time to try to fix my sleep schedule once more.)

[bellaxgiornata]

As is no surprise, this was a long winded answer to your questions so I'm just going to put everything below the cut!!

It's totally normal to be critical about your writing, honestly. I've also always been told that's a good thing, too, because you're able to recognize where you can make improvements and grow the more you practice with your writing because you can point out "problem areas." I don't think I've ever written a fic where I don't nitpick a word choice or the way a sentence is structured or what feels like a bad transition to me. That's actually why I hate editing--because I hate rereading my own words over and over and struggling to make it sound better😆 Many times I feel like things don't flow when I write, too. But that's the beauty of drafts, you can just get whatever you can written out and come back and edit it later. Sometimes you might need to scrap an entire section, which is painful because it feels like you wasted time, but it's sometimes the right thing to do.

As for imposter syndrome...I don't think that ever goes away. I always feel it, I know other fic writers that feel it, and I've heard professional published writers say they feel it. I think it's just part of creating art (or just being human). But seeing people genuinely enjoy your work is what helps to quiet that part of your brain so you can keep doing it! But don't worry, I still feel it all the time so you wouldn't be alone!

As for writing as a married mom....I've definitely had less and less time lately 😅 As for where I write, I currently have an office that is quickly becoming a nursery and then my PC will soon be in my husband's office and we'll have to share. So then I either use a laptop or my phone (I write a lot on my phone) or a tablet with a keyboard for some peace and quiet wherever I can get it.

As for time, I'm a stay at home mom, so I used to get some morning time and time when my son napped every afternoon basically guaranteed to write. Then some evenings during the week I occasionally wrote before bed if a scene was stuck in my head. But I think around last August my son dropped naps completely and that significantly cut back my free time. Becoming pregnant has also made me way too tired to write in the evenings before bed so I don't do that either now. And obviously I'm having a baby in just over a month at this point, which is going to put me on a writing hiatus for a little bit (hence me stockpiling rough drafts right now so I can hopefully still release things here and there), but my toddler will be starting preschool at the end of August and going Mon-Fri for two and a half hours which I'm hoping will give me free time to occasionally write again...assuming I don't have a colicky baby or one who refuses to ever nap 😅😅😅 Then eventually my son will be in school full time the following year and it'll just be me and a 1 year old at home during the day who will hopefully nap and give me that weekday free time back.

I'm also fortunate that my parents and my husband's parents are all retired and live like five minutes from us so we can get outside help with childcare. My MIL is amazing and always takes my son Fridays and Sundays for most of the day. Which lets the husband and I get things done around the house or have date days or focus on our hobbies. I'm aware that we're very, very fortunate for that because it's not common for parents to get that kind of free time. But my MIL is amazing and she's great with my son who we've thought had ADHD for a long time now (he's too young to officially diagnose) and may have sensory processing issues that we've been spending a lot of time working on him with and taking him to multiple therapists for over the past few months--so fanfic is my mental escape from a lot of stress while he has fun with grandma.

My husband knows I write fanfic and he knows what fandoms I write in and that I like romance, but he doesn't specifically know I write smut for y'all 😆 Though, in all honesty, I know he wouldn't give two shits that I do (and I wouldn't be surprised if he already figured as much). He'd probably be encouraging me to let him read it if anything, but I'm just too bashful to be like 'hey, here's some porn I wrote babe' 🤣 He's always been very supportive of my writing though. In your situation, it's totally up to you how you approach that if you want to write smut! I personally see nothing wrong with it, it's no different than writing a published erotica novel you'd find at a bookstore. Even a fictionalized romance character you make up in your mind for an original story is probably fashioned after some real life celebrity or something in your head anyway. But that's just my take and my hubs and I are very comfortable in our relationship, so my little fictional slutty men wouldn't bother him 😆 But also, your husband doesn't need to read your fanfic either, right? You could be writing any type of fanfic, honestly.

Do you have any tips for people who really enjoy writing fanfiction but struggle to actually get themselves to write it? Like I love writing specific scenarios in my head (mainly because that’s what I really want to read but no one else has written that yet) but I struggle to actually just get the motivation to do it, so my ideas just stay in my brain as a “I want to write this” and then the interest dies off and it never gets written.

I completely understand this feeling so much. Before I started writing in the Daredevil fandom I often just daydreamed in-depth scenarios in my head. I usually wanted to write them into stories but then I just...never did it. Even though I have been writing different fanfics in different fandoms for a really long time, I more often than not just created up scenarios that lived in my head and then that was it because I never wrote them down. So nothing ever came of them and I was never able to share them with anyone. I could have written so many more things if I'd just sat down and tried.

(As always, I'm long winded so more below the cut 😅)

In all honesty when this happens, I think the best thing to do is just that. Just sit down in front of a blank document and free write whatever comes to you. Take the pressure off of yourself first and foremost, though--you don't have to share whatever comes out with anyone. Don't tell yourself that it has to be good, either. Have literally zero expectations for whatever ends up on the page. More often than not, that really helps the words start to flow. When you sit there and nitpick how you're starting a sentence or a scene or a word choice, that's when you start second guessing everything and that can often lead to thoughts like "I can't do this" or "no one will read this" or the classic "I suck at this" (which I still hear in my head some days). Ignore all that bullshit and just focus on whatever it is that's in your head--a conversation between some characters, maybe an entire scene you've had playing out in your mind, a fight scene, or whatever it is that you're currently excited about. Just sit down and try to get it out with no expectations. Because you can absolutely always come back to it and edit it up how you want after the fact and make it into a story or a one shot or whatever if you want, but the hardest part is just getting something out on a page.

But truthfully, the only way to write something is to make yourself sit down and do it. I don't know of any other tips to give besides that. Sure, you can make a playlist or a mood board for the vibe of a story or a character. You can make outlines of what you're seeing in your head that'll give you bullet points of what you picture happening. But really you just have to get excited enough about whatever it is that's on your mind and write it. And I think that's part of the beauty of writing fanfic when you do share it and people interact with it. The commentary and interaction from readers is what helps keep the excitement for a story alive for the writer, which then gives us that necessary motivation to keep coming back to work on a story. Because any writer will tell you that sitting down and getting the words out is hard. Some days it sucks and you have to slog through it to keep going, but that's just a part of the process. Over time it becomes a habit, though.

Hopefully any of that somewhat helped, but unfortunately there isn't some magic answer to make it easier to get started. Having other writers to talk to about your ideas really helps, too. Or just someone to talk with/at about whatever is on your mind. Breaking an entire fic idea into chunks chapter by chapter helps if you're making a big story, but just picking a starting point and writing it is your best bet. I actually first wrote the entirety of Marci and Fog's wedding for FFTD and then worked my way backwards afterwards to start that huge ass series. It all started with those two installments and the idea/scene in my head that I didn't get to until "The Breaking Point" far later. So you can absolutely just start with an idea and expand on it. But unfortunately, you kind of just have to force yourself to start somewhere 😅

[sluttyminghao]

Part 1/?

✧ pairing: wen junhui x gender neutral!reader ✧ word count: 2k ✧ genre: smut ✧ warnings in this chapter: camboy!jun, masturbation, masturbating on camera, camboy!minghao makes an appearance ✧notes for this chapter: reader only makes an appearance at the end of the installment, i hope it makes sense as you read it! ✧ a/n: you asked, and i delivered! this is the first installment of going live! a series about camboy jun and his adventures! i hope you all enjoy, and if you would like to be added to a taglist pls inbox me! feedback is appreciated! ✧ synopsis: he’s a shy college boy who is stuck in financial difficulty, and his best friends gives him a suggestion that may or may not be a good idea.

A slight glance at the clock on his nightstand indicated that it was 10:49 pm, and he knew that within a matter of minutes he’d be doing the exact thing he said he would never do. His palms had grown sweaty and he felt his heart rate quicken at the thought, and all he could think to do was wipe his palms on his sweats. He remembers the conversation he had about his thoughts with Minghao vividly, even though it had happened months before his current situation.

“I just don’t see how you can do it, how do you not get embarrassed? Aren’t you being watched by...god knows how many people?” Junhui spoke between mouthfuls of ramen, immense heat rising in his cheeks at the nature of the conversation that had come up when talking about Junhui’s increasing level of financial difficulties. Minghao raised a brow at the older, before erupting into a fit of giggles and making Junhui cock one of his brows in confusion. Did he say something funny?

“Why would I be embarrassed about my livelihood?” Minghao began, wrapping some noodles around his chopsticks expertly and blowing them lightly to cool them down. “I make so much profit off of doing camming and making videos, that I’ve been able to pay my rent and amenities for the next six months, as well as keeping on top of all my art school debts,” he continued, an amused smirk finding its way onto his face at Junhui’s shocked facial features.

“Six months? That’s crazy... I’m basically living paycheck to paycheck at the minute,” he mumbled and let out a small sigh, picking at the small pieces of meat left within his ramen bowl with his chopsticks. “Well, that’s kinda what you get for working at a small and dingy diner run by a bunch of college students,” Minghao quipped while giving him a pointed look, letting his napkin fall to the table to signify he had finished his meal.

Junhui sighed. He knew Minghao was right, 99% of the time he generally was, but this was one thing he really didn’t want to admit to him. “But...would people recognise me? That’s one thing I really don’t want,” Junhui spoke shyly, and Minghao’s face softened towards his elder, before shaking his head slightly. “You can use blurring filters or wear items on your face so people won’t recognise you, that’s what I do, and no one knows who I am to this day.”

He thought a little more about it, and Minghao could practically see the cogs turning in his brain, deciding to offer a piece of advice to his struggling long-time friend. “Hey,” he spoke, gaining Junhui’s attention, “you should really think about it, especially if you need the money. With a face and a body like yours, I’m sure you’ll have thousands of subscribers in no time.”

Well, what did he have to lose? He sure didn’t have any shreds of dignity left, may as well give it a shot.

In all his years of living, he had been very well off financially, but in recent months his rent had become increasingly more expensive and the cost of living had jumped up exponentially. To his dismay, he found himself without a choice, needing the money as soon as possible so he would still have a roof over his head and the bare minimum of food. 

He had been staring at the webpage for the camming website for the past 45 minutes, trying to hype himself up, but he had just become increasingly nervous as the time had passed. Minghao had explained to him countless times that this website was very reputable and a great starting point for beginners going into camming, and he knew that he could trust the words of his younger friend.

But even still, the nerves would not stop pouring over him, almost acting like a cascading effect, flowing down his back like a waterfall and seeping into every crevice of his body.

He sucked in a breath before exhaling shakily and picking up his phone to call Minghao. He knew that if anyone was able to calm his nerves, it would be his long-time friend. He tapped on Minghao’s contact before placing the phone to his ear, listening to the phone ring a few times before he was met with Minghao’s groggy voice.

“Were you sleeping?” Junhui’s voice is quiet as he speaks into the receiver, awaiting his companion’s response even though he was almost sure he knew the answer already. “No, I was out feeding the ducks, of course, I was sleeping,” Minghao sighed sarcastically, and Junhui suddenly felt a pang of guilt for the late-night call to his friend. “What did you need, ‘Hui?” Minghao continued, sleep laced in his voice.

“I’m sorry for waking you up...I’m so nervous...I don’t even know how to start the camming videos…do you have any...pointers, maybe...” Junhui trailed off, and he could hear Minghao hum from the other end of the phone. He remained silent for a few beats, only further amplifying Junhui’s nerves to the point where his leg had begun to bounce incessantly.

“I think you just need to relax a little, maybe have a drink or two to settle your nerves,” he replied smoothly, wanting to end the conversation so that he could get back to sleep. “If you’re really worried, why don’t you just show everything from the neck down when you’re recording?” He continued, waiting for his older friend’s reply.

Junhui was contemplating the options laid out to him and decided to combine both, deciding he didn’t have anything to lose. “Thanks, Hao, I owe you,” he rushed, hanging up and throwing his phone on his desk and standing up to get himself a bottle of alcohol. He assured himself that he was only going to have a few sips to loosen himself up, but he figured that he may need to down the whole bottle by the night’s end.

A few swigs of his precious alcohol later, and he had finally built up the courage to remove his shirt but left his sweats on as a safety measure. Minghao was right, the alcohol definitely loosened him up, and before he had even realised what he was doing, he had pressed the record button and had started his live stream.

He didn’t know what he was doing, not a single clue. His mind was fuzzy and his last shreds of dignity left him the moment his pants were pulled down and thrown haphazardly to the side. The only thought that was now running rampant through his mind was how much he wanted to cum. He wasn’t even focused on the live video anymore, only focused on his hardening cock and the way his hand wrapped around it.

Normally when he got himself off, he would take his time and relish in the sensations, not wanting to rush. In his nervous and alcohol-fueled state, however, he wasn’t going to beat around the bush like he would if he was sober. His hand moved up and down the length of his cock rapidly, small whimpers eliciting from the man’s lips as he pleasured himself.

Junhui could feel himself getting closer and closer to the edge the faster he pumped his cock, but he knew he didn’t want to cum just yet. He slowed his hand significantly to a steady pace, almost feather-like touches, and moved his free hand up to flick at his nipple, sighing at the sensation. 

Not that he would ever admit to anyone, but his nipples had always been extra sensitive and even just the slightest feather touch would have him reeling and wanting more.

The whines poured endlessly from his mouth, even as he built up his orgasm for a second time. He kept one hand on his cock, pumping up and down swiftly and gaining speed, while the other pinched at his nipples. It was getting harder for him to hold himself back, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer in the position he was in.

Before he could even think about stopping himself from cumming again, he felt the string snap in his abdomen and felt the hot streaks of white land on his stomach. He gasped at the feeling and let his hand continue to move steadily, letting the white streaks hit his chest. His head had grown fuzzy from the sheer intensity of his orgasm, and he could feel his hips lightly bucking up into his still closed fist.

When he was sure his orgasm had ebbed away, he removed his hand from his softening cock and sighed, leaning back in his computer chair. After a moment of stillness, his eyes widened upon seeing the small red recording dot on his computer, reminding him of the act he had just performed.

He clicked the stop button hurriedly and closed all his tabs before slamming the lid of his laptop shut. He couldn’t believe what he had just done; his mind was whirring with a thousand and one thoughts, his heart was about to leap right out of his chest, and he knew that there was no going back from the acts he had just performed.

He pushed himself out of the chair and headed towards his bathroom, showering in an attempt to get the cum off his body and somehow trying to scrub off the gross feeling he had from his lewd behaviour. It wouldn’t come off that easily, however, so all he could do was face the consequences of his actions and own them as Minghao told him to.

After a hot shower and a whole lot of contemplation later, Junhui knew that he would have to use his laptop again and see the damage that he had caused, so he decided to simply bite the bullet and take a look back at his video and see if anyone had commented or liked it. It didn’t seem likely in his opinion, since it was his first video and he had no subscribers, but there was a small glimmer of hope buried deep within him.

His eyes widened at the results in front of him. He truly could not believe the sight he saw when he clicked back on to his video to check for feedback.

200 new subscribers, 800 stars and 27 comments

He blinked rapidly, thinking it was all a hallucination. How could this be? He only sat in front of his computer for roughly 10 minutes jacking himself off and had garnered a huge response to it. He clicked the refresh button, thinking that it was simply a mistake on the website’s part. Surely he, a newbie to camming, did not just rack up over a thousand notifications from a ten-minute video.

When the page refreshed he saw the same notifications, except for one new comment that had caught his attention. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to look at just one comment and then head to bed, so he let his mouse hover over the little star-shaped notification icon and pressed on it. His eyes moved across the screen quickly, and he couldn’t help but feel the heat rise to his cheeks at the comment he had seen.

angelbaby96: you’ve got such a nice cock, and such pretty noises too. I would love to hear more of them sometime <3

[whitesparrows97]

Love is a foolish thing

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x female reader

Warnings: drinking of alcohol, swear words, angst, mean people, jealousy, minor injuries, explicit sexual content including oral (female receiving, indication of male receiving), fingering, light spanking, little bit of dirty talk, protected and unprotected sex

Genre: Strangers to friends with benefits to lovers

Summary: Falling in love… it sounded so simple. Falling. Like one wrong step, a small stumble and you were deeply in love. But there was nothing easy about love.

Word Count: 20K

Note: My tumblr nearly crashed while trying to post this story because it’s too long. I really have no idea how that happened, I just couldn’t control myself. So nothing new. But what is new is the banner. This is the first time I created one (goodbye using gifs from tumblr) and I really hope you like it. (The gif of van Gogh’s Starry Night is not mine and I found it on giphy. The picture of Taehyung he posted himself when they were touring in Berlin.)

Also a little disclaimer: English is not my first language so please excuse any mistakes! I’d normally split a story this long into chapters but because this is a story for the btswritersclub fic exchange, I decided to post it as a oneshot. I really hope you’ll like it @taetaesbaebaepsae !

intro: new beginnings

He felt the thumping bass throughout his body and welcomed the tingling sensation on his skin with a wide grin as he pushed his way through the crowd. His gaze slid over the countless faces as he passed them; most of whom he had seen before on campus or at previous parties.

Faces were what he could remember.

The bone structure of the face, how their hair framed their face, their facial expressions… These were all things that could not be easily changed and what made a person unique. No matter how much they changed, dyed their hair or cut it off altogether, wore a lot of makeup or none at all – there was something that didn’t change, no matter how hard they tried. And that’s exactly what Taehyung saw in people, which was why it was easy for him to recognize people, even if he had only run into someone once in the hallway. 

For a long time, it had felt like a curse to Taehyung. Nowadays, he knew how to use that gaze to his advantage. It helped him especially in his studies and his art teacher had praised him more than once for having that special sight.

There was one thing, however, that he had a lot of trouble with.

“Hi, Taehyung!” A young man appeared in front of him, shouting against the loud music. 

Taehyung shifted his gaze down to look the shorter man in the eye. The young man grinned at him, a bit wryly and a red plastic cup in one hand, which judging by his already glazed look was not his first cup of the evening. 

He put on a smile and nodded. “Hey…” 

Names were the thing he just couldn’t remember, for the life of him. He was glad he knew his best friend’s name after all these years. Even if every now and then he found himself thinking before it thankfully came back to him. It was frustrating to know so many people, to recognize them, but to have forgotten what their name was. 

Taehyung didn’t wait for an answer, but with another smile apologized to the young man in front of him, who had already started moving clumsily to the music again. Taehyung doubted that he even noticed that Taehyung had disappeared. 

He gave a wide berth to the area in the center of the room that had been chosen as the dance floor this evening and instead kept close to the walls. From there, he could get a rough idea of who all had come to this party on a Thursday night.

Despite the loud music, he could hear the loud voices, buzzing conversations and peals of laughter. Here and there, yelling mingled in. The first visitors to the party were already clinging to the shoulders and upper arms of their friends, which were the only reason they were still standing upright. 

Taehyung shook his head, laughing softly when he saw this. He hadn’t been that late; a glance at his watch showed him that the party had only started a little over an hour ago. But it was summer, which meant that the semester would soon be over. And with that came all the exams, so Taehyung couldn’t blame anyone for needing time off from studying. 

As he looked over the various groups of people, his gaze lingered on a face he didn’t recognize. 

Intrigued, he slowed in his walk. 

He frowned and his smile disappeared as he looked at you intently from head to toe. His father had once described this facial expression as his “artist’s expression”. When he was so engrossed in a painting or drawing that he didn’t notice how his eyebrows drew together and deep wrinkles formed in his forehead. Even now he could hear his mother scolding him that the wrinkles eventually wouldn’t go away anymore. 

When he had explained to her that wrinkles told more stories than words ever could, that they were charismatic, she had shaken her head with a smile. 

Taehyung’s gaze lingered on your lips, which had formed into a relaxed smile as you listened to someone talking to you. Min Yoongi, his best friend and a music student in his final semester.

Taehyung didn’t know what the two of you were talking about or if you knew each other, but you seemed to get along well.

He continued to watch you for a brief moment before you seemed apologetic and then disappeared towards the kitchen with your cup in hand. Determined, Taehyung walked towards his best friend and when he was only a few feet away, Yoongi looked up. 

“Hey,” the older of the two said, nodding at Taehyung. He took a sip from his cup and let his gaze roam the room, just as Taehyung had done moments before.

“Hi,” he greeted back, eyeing Yoongi for a moment. “Who was that?”

Yoongi laughed into his cup and shook his head with a grin. “You must know everything and everyone, don’t you?”

Taehyung shrugged, but didn’t contradict him. “I just like to get to know the people I study with.”

Yoongi snorted at his statement. “Even if I told you her name, you’d forget it in half an hour anyway.”

Taehyung couldn’t object to that either. It probably wouldn’t even take half an hour. Sometimes Taehyung felt as if names went into the one ear and right out the other without even a brief stopover at his brain. 

“You know,” Yoongi began, raising an eyebrow, “women usually aren’t too keen on being called by the wrong name by mistake. Just a little advice.”

Now Taehyung was the one who snorted. “Thanks, you seem to know a lot about that. Should be a little careful with your new girlfriend. Just a little advice for you,” he repeated Yoongi’s statement and Yoongi grinned.

For a moment there was silence between the two men. Only the loud, booming music and the buzz of voices filled the pause between them. 

“Y/N,” Yoongi then suddenly said, “her name is Y/N. She studied in another city before and came to this university for her master’s.”

“What did she study?”

“Why don’t you ask her that yourself if you’re so interested?” 

Taehyung raised his glass, which was almost empty anyway, downed it in one gulp and made his way to the kitchen where you had disappeared to. 

. . .

“So you’re Y/N. Right?” Taehyung didn’t show how proud he was that he had been able to remember your name. 

You nodded and waited for him to introduce himself. “Well… Are you going to tell me yours or do I have to guess?” you asked after a short silence when he kept studying your face but no words came out of his mouth.

“Oh, sure,” he blurted out, startled by this question for a second, “I’m Taehyung.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his hand twitch, as if he wanted to shake your hand and you had to stifle a grin. 

But Taehyung had seen the corners of your mouth move upward. “Are you laughing at me?” he asked, holding a hand to his heart in feigned hurt. 

“No, no,” you placated him, but any further attempt to explain was interrupted by your laughter rising inside you. Taehyung looked at you through narrowed eyes for another moment before a grin spread across his face as well.

You liked his smile. You noticed it right away, even though you had only been talking for a few minutes. 

Your gaze lingered on his lips for a moment too long and when you looked back into his eyes, his grin had widened even more and there was an amused glint in his gaze that hadn’t been there before. 

You had to avert your gaze and let your eyes wander around the kitchen. You didn’t know what it was, but his gaze made you nervous. It was intense. As if he was looking right through you.

“Do you want to dance?” he asked, bringing you back from your thoughts. 

Instead of giving an answer, you took his hand and led him back to the living room. 

The dance floor had not emptied in the meantime, rather the opposite was the case. By now most of the guests at the party were crowding onto it, so that the entire room had become a dance floor. And even the people who were standing on the sidelines and preferred to watch the spectacle from a distance were persuaded to dance. 

You made your way past sweaty bodies until you finally found a place where you could move a little more freely. The song that was playing was energetic and fast – and while the other people around you were jumping up and down, singing along loudly and off-key to the lyrics, Taehyung surprised you when he put an arm on your waist and pulled you close to him.

The two glasses of alcohol you had already drunk were slowly but surely making themselves noticeable. A pleasant warmth flooded through you as you felt Taehyung’s strong hands on your hips, moving you to the beat of the music. That, and the fact he smiled at you whenever you locked eyes made your heart beat a little faster. 

Especially when his thumb drew little circles on the small sliver of bare skin where your shirt had ridden up. The air was stuffy and sweaty, but at that moment you didn’t mind it one bit. 

Taehyung leaned forward and your breath hitched when his lips touched your ear as he said, “You’re beautiful.”

You waited with your eye roll until Taehyung had leaned back again, so he definitely caught your gesture. Immediately, his eyebrows shot up. 

Now it was up to you to lean forward. “Can’t you think of anything better?”

Taehyung thought for a moment, and if you hadn’t felt his hand on your lower back, pulling you closer and closer to him with each movement, you would have thought he was completely lost in thought. 

But then you saw the corners of his mouth twitch up as he tried to suppress the grin. 

Again he leaned forward toward you, but this time he didn’t speak directly. Instead, you first felt his lips against the shell of your ear, and then gasped in surprise as he gently bit your sensitive skin. The deep, throaty laugh that followed sent jolts of electricity through your veins. 

“I could also say that you look incredibly hot and caught my eye as soon as I arrived.” 

You were completely stilled in your movements and the hand that had been on your hip before had crept up to your neck. His slender, long fingers danced on your sweaty skin and your eyes fluttered closed as you savored the sensation he and his fingers were causing. 

You almost forgot about his lips against your ear, which made you flinch as Taehyung spoke the rest of his sentence. “And none of it would be a lie.”

When you opened your eyes again, the hand had disappeared from your neck and resumed its place on your hip. You didn’t speak a word, your looks said enough. And when your eyes wandered lower for a moment and came to rest on his lips with that mischievous grin, the outcome of the evening was sealed.

. . .

Your back hit the wall behind you and you let out a soft “Oh” in surprise. Taehyung took the opportunity and his tongue slipped between your open lips into your mouth. You moaned as he explored your mouth, which spurred Taehyung on even more. 

His hands traveled down your torso, down your sides, and finally grasped your hips. Then he pulled you tighter against him so that you were locked between him and the wall behind you. Even though you didn’t feel locked in at all. You hadn’t felt this free in a long time. 

Your hands reached out between your two bodies on his torso, and you felt the muscles under his shirt twitch as your fingertips brushed almost delicately over sensitive areas. His lips turned into a grin before he kissed you passionately again. 

His fingers wandered lower and finally wrapped around one of your thighs. They dug pleasantly into your flesh, making you hum contentedly. With a sudden exclamation of surprise from you, he lifted your leg and the moan you both gave as your hips met was muffled when your lips crashed into each other once again. 

But it wasn’t just his hips you felt against yours. You felt him hard, right between your legs as he circled his hips against yours. 

He wandered his mouth along your jaw first before kissing down your neck. “You are so receptive to my touch,” he said softly, but in the otherwise silent room, his voice sounded loud and clear. His hot breath tickled you, making you shiver as Taehyung ran his tongue along your neck. 

“Sorry,” you laughed softly when you shuddered again as his tongue explored the contours of your collarbone.

His grip around your hip and thigh strengthened before he let go of your neck and straightened up. He released one hand and gently stroked your hot cheeks with it as his gaze darted back and forth between your eyes. “You never have to apologize for being sensitive to touch. That just tells me I’m doing everything right.”

And how right he was. 

“Do you have condoms?”

Your question made him pause, and a second later he gently let your leg slide back to the floor. He seemed to think for a moment, an index finger pressed to his lips before he stuck it up in the air as if he had a sudden idea. You watched as he walked toward the bed and opened the nightstand drawer. He rummaged around in it for a moment, and you grimaced as you thought about Taehyung digging around in other people’s things.

“Bingo,” Taehyung exclaimed, reaching into the drawer and tossing a package onto the made bed. “Unopened,” Taehyung added as he turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow. 

“Don’t be mean,” you said, but had to smile as well. His smile was contagious. “Just be glad the person doesn’t seem to be having that much sex… it’s to our benefit right now.”

“That,” Taehyung countered, “or that’s a new pack because he just fucks a lot.”

You couldn’t hold back your grunt when you heard his statement, that’s how dryly he said it. “Whose room is this, anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Taehyung said and looking around for a moment. 

You didn’t need to check, because you couldn’t have known the person. It could even be Taehyung’s room for all you knew. You didn’t even know who the host was at that party. A girl, Grace, from one of your seminars had approached you yesterday and invited you. You hadn’t seen her all evening and wondered if she had shown up yet.

With slow and deliberate steps, you walked toward the bed in front of which he stood. As you came to a stop in front of him, you noticed his frown in the dim light. “What is it?”

“I hope you don’t think of me as being unprepared or expecting us not to use contraception.” He held your gaze as if he were watching every little emotion in your face. “I didn’t plan on doing this tonight, so I didn’t come prepared.”

Your hands wandered up along his sides, feeling the muscles under his T-shirt. “So,” you said softly, looking back up at him, “you don’t do this kind of thing often?”

A mischievous grin had stolen onto his face in return. “Occasionally,” he admitted with a shrug, “but probably less often than you’re thinking right now.”

You were about to reply something when suddenly the door was yanked open behind you and the music from the living room could be heard more clearly all at once. Surprised, you turned around.

“Oh,” a guy laughed when he caught sight of the two of you. A girl stumbled into him as he stopped so suddenly in the doorway. 

“This place seems to be occupied,” the girl laughed now, too, eyeing the two of you. 

Her boyfriend – or acquaintance – also caught her glance. “Or are you two interested in–”

“No,” Taehyung said firmly, before the other could fully ask his question. He stepped out from behind you and it only took a few long strides before he arrived at the door. “We’re not. Thank you.” With those words, he pushed them both out of the room and closed the door. “Shit,” he muttered.

With nimble fingers, you opened the box of condoms and grabbed one before heading towards the door as well. Taehyung had leaned forward and seemed to be examining something on the door. Or rather, something that wasn’t there.

“What’s wrong?”

He straightened up again and made a head movement toward the lock. “There’s no key.”

“Okay?” you asked, “Is that a problem?” Your fingers gently stroked his upper arm, squeezing it once firmly, and Taehyung understood. He raised an eyebrow and the next moment he spun you around and your back hit something again, this time it was the door. There was a dull thud as your back hit the wood and you felt it give in from Taehyung’s strength. You just hoped it would hold for the next few minutes…

“Not at all,” he whispered in your ear and you bit your lower lip to stifle the wanting moan that almost fell over your lips. You closed your eyes to fully concentrate on Taehyung’s lips, his teeth which left red and blue marks on your sensitive skin. 

Your eyes fluttered open in surprise, however, as Taehyung’s lips suddenly disappeared and he slid down to the floor so that he was kneeling in front of you. His eyelashes cast long shadows in the dim light of the bedside lamp, and absentmindedly you brushed his hair out of his face. 

“I know I’m repeating myself and that you don’t want to hear it, but you’re so beautiful.” His long fingers found their way under your top and every little bit of skin he bared was covered by his lips a short time later. What remained was heat – heat that coursed through you and eventually accumulated in your abdomen. 

You were about to pull him back to his feet by his shoulders when his fingers found your jeans button and a moment later you heard the opening of a zipper. His hand found yours, which was still clinging to the condom as if it were an anchor and which he took from you before guiding your hand to his head. As you looked down at yourself, fingers buried in his hair as if you’d done it umpteen times before, your eyes met. 

Lust and mischievousness were in his gaze, the smirk hidden from your perspective, but you saw the glint in his eyes as he pulled down your pants along with your underwear. 

. . .

“And then he went down on me.”

“He what?” Grace looked at you in surprise.

You cleared your throat. Your cheeks were warm and you tried to avoid her curious gaze. “He went down on me.” 

You wanted to end this conversation as quickly as you could. You didn’t even remember how Grace had talked you into telling her about last Thursday in the first place. But Grace had pestered you for so long, until you finally caved in. She had seen you disappear into that bedroom with Taehyung, which was why you couldn’t deny anything. 

“Oh. Wow.”

“Oh, come on,” you said, trying to downplay the subject. With a little more force than necessary, you shut your laptop and shoved it into your backpack. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“You bet it is,” she whispered-shouted, earning a few scowls from the nearby students. She quickly apologized to them in a softer tone. “You bet it is,” she repeated, quieter this time, as you walked toward the library exit. “No guy does this on a one night stand.”

“I’m sure there are some.”

“You wouldn’t give a blow job either, would you?” she completely bypassed your argument. 

The door slammed shut behind you and you took one deep breath. You loved the fresh evening air in early summer… especially when you had been sitting in the stuffy library for hours. Even though some loved the smell of the old books and dusty paper, it mainly caused you a headache and the unspeakable pressure before your next exams. 

“I’m just saying,” Grace continued to explain, “you can’t be sure if the person is clean.”

“I am clean,” you muttered, feeling a little affronted. “I told him that beforehand.”

“On the other hand, yeah, he can wear a condom I guess. Hmm…” 

For a moment, you wondered if you were in a parallel universe, where Grace was walking the path to the dorm alone and therefore not responding to you. But then she turned around and looked at you with waggling eyebrows. “Did you come?”

“Grace,” you sighed, wanting the questioning to stop. Instead of answering her, you countered, “I should have just ignored you those few weeks ago when you sat down next to me in the seminar.”

“And would be alone to this day? That would be so sad.”

You rolled your eyes. “At least then I wouldn’t have to let you pepper me with your questions.”

“True again,” she said with a shrug, “but then you wouldn’t have anyone to brag to about the great sex you had either.”

You said nothing in reply, but kept your gaze firmly focused on the building a few hundred feet in front of you. 

“Or miserable sex we can make fun of?”

That elicited an annoyed groan from you, and finally a shake of your head. “First of all, we don’t make fun of anyone at all, no matter how good or bad someone is in bed.”

“Okay, Miss Diplomacy.” A pause arose and it amused you to see Grace growing more impatient by the second. “Okay and so what? So was he good?”

Sighing, you nodded, “Yes, he was.” Before Grace could clap her hands in delight, you quickly added, “I didn’t come, though.” The words came out of your mouth faster than normal. 

She just snorted, though. “Then trust me, this won’t be the last time.” 

You raised an eyebrow. “We both agreed that this will be a one time thing.”

“Well, look at it this way,” she began, and with a beep, her student ID was confirmed and the glass door to the building slid open. “Did he notice you didn’t come?” You nodded. “Then he’ll certainly have the urge to prove himself all over again.”

You thought for a moment, letting Grace’s words run through your mind. “Oh, I don’t know. It wasn’t because of him.”

“Then what was it about? Couldn’t you relax?”

You nodded again. “The whole situation was unfortunate,” you began to explain in more detail. “I felt like someone was going to burst into the room at any moment and–” You bit your lip, trying not to say the rest of the sentence.

Grace gave you a meaningful look. “And?”

You had arrived outside your room and nervously played with your key card. “It’s just…” Ringing for words, you looked down at the floor until you finally looked up in frustration. Grace looked at you patiently, seeming to notice how hard it was for you to talk about it. “He was so… gentle.”

When Grace heard that, she had to grunt.

“Hey,” you countered, smacking her on the upper arm. 

“Ouch.” She grimaced as she rubbed the sore spot. “Would you have preferred him to be rough?”

You tilted your head and considered. Grace laughed when she saw that.

“I’m just saying,” you said, now serious again, “No one night stand I’ve had has tried this hard. I guess, I’m just a bit surprised, that’s all.”

“Then why don’t you talk to Taehyung,” Grace replied, still a grin on her face as she walked backwards down the hall to her room, “Maybe he won’t try so hard next time.” You could still hear her giggling, even as she disappeared around the corner and out of your field of vision. 

. . . 

falling into habits

Taehyung moaned and thrust deeply into you one last time before coming to a stop inside of you. He braced himself on his forearms to avoid crushing you under his weight while you both caught your breath. Silently you lay in Taehyung’s bed before he finally reached between your bodies, held the condom tightly, and pulled out before finally rolling off of you. 

He didn’t bother to get up and dispose of the used condom, just tied it together, lazily wrapped it in a tissue, and rolled back onto his back so that he was lying next to you. 

For a moment you lay like that next to each other, completely detached from the world that was going on outside Taehyung’s apartment and instead in one where only the two of you existed. 

But then you picked yourself up with a discontented sigh, and awkwardly climbed over Taehyung, who made an attempt to hold you by the waist. Laughing softly, you batted his hands aside and a second later your bare feet came into contact with the carpet. 

Your fingers found your panties and quickly you slipped them back on. So did your jeans and your T-shirt. You glanced back and saw Taehyung still lying naked in his bed, on his stomach now, while the bedspread covered his lower half. Your gaze slid down his trained back nonetheless, and you bit your lips as images of the last few minutes popped into your head. Or rather hours, as you silently cursed when you glanced at your phone. 

You heard Taehyung laughing tiredly behind you. “Why’re you cursing?”

As you continued to gather the rest of your things, you briefly glanced over your shoulder back at the bed. Taehyung had turned his head so he could watch you. 

“I’m late,” you explained to him, stuffing your belongings into your bag, which you unceremoniously slipped on. 

Taehyung groaned and buried his face in the pillow. 

“Can’t you skip it and stay here instead?” His voice sounded muffled and you wanted to go back the few steps to run your fingers through his tousled hair. 

But you couldn’t.

“I’ll see you in a few days.”

“That’s not soon enough,” he whined and shook his head. 

“I think my group would kill me if I didn’t come to the meeting. Besides,” you added a little louder, worried that Taehyung would fall asleep otherwise, “I’m already grateful to them for accepting me into their group in the middle of the semester in the first place. I don’t want to cause any more inconvenience.”

You heard only a displeased murmur from Taehyung’s direction and threw a quick goodbye into the room before leaving his apartment. 

The walk to the campus took you half an hour, even if you hurried. However, you could use the time well to reflect on the last weeks. 

After your conversation with Grace, it had only taken a few days for you to receive a message from an unknown number. Yoongi had given your phone number to Taehyung through Grace – which Grace had commented with an “I told you so” – and a day later you had met up. 

This time hadn’t been at a party, but at his home, and quickly one thing had led to another. You hadn’t even taken a seat on the sofa properly before your lips had crashed into each other.

You had never talked about where this was going with you – and if it was going anywhere at all – but for now you were pleased with how easy everything was with Taehyung. You were on the same wavelength, he made you laugh, and the sex was good. Great even. That’s all you needed right now. And honestly, that’s all you wanted right now. Relationships meant drama and in the end at least one person got hurt. 

Out of breath, but fairly punctual, you arrived at the workroom where you had arranged to meet your group. The others were already there, but no one seemed to mind that you had arrived a few minutes late.

You spent the next two hours putting together the topics you had worked on and writing them into the presentation. You had been surprised when you first met and found out that everyone had done their work. You worked hard and expected the same from others, and as you had explained to Taehyung, you were glad that the group had accepted you at all. 

After all, by then well over half of the semester had passed, and in the beginning you had inevitably set the group back in their schedule. While the others had already been working on comparing the similarities and differences between their novels from The Modern Period, you had been reading your novel and gathering notes at lightning speed so that you could now sit together and pretty much finish the presentation. Each of the four of you would still have to write your own essay, but you knew you could do that in two to three days. You had all the information, so all you had to do was put it on paper. 

Relieved and satisfied, you sighed as your bones cracked when you stretched your arms high above your head and arched your back. 

“Wow, we really got something done today,” Toni said, visibly satisfied as she scrolled through the presentation one last time. 

An approving nod went through the group and Thomas also closed his laptop with a quiet click. 

“Do you want to join us for a drink?” Mia looked at you through her delicate glasses, which she pushed back up her nose with an index finger.

You didn’t have to think twice, because you were happy about any invitation. So a smile spread across your face before you nodded. 

Conversations and laughter accompanied you down the stairs and you were so engrossed in a conversation with Toni that you didn’t notice the person waiting in front of the entrance of the building. It was only when you heard your name called out to you that you turned your attention to the person. 

Taehyung, you realized with surprise.

“Hi,” you greeted him, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, “what are you doing here?” 

“Hey you. I thought I’d pick you up.” He had both hands buried in the pockets of his sweatpants and had thrown on a hoodie to protect himself against the coolness of the summer evening. 

You took the few steps back to Taehyung, noticing at the edge of your awareness how the others’ conversations had fallen silent. 

“Pick me up? For what?”

Taehyung shrugged. “Yoongi and Grace invited us. I think they both wanted to watch this new movie that started in theaters a few days ago.”

“Oh.” You looked over your shoulder at the others and saw the three of them glance quickly to the side before your eyes could meet. 

“Oh?” Taehyung repeated, taking his hands out of his pockets. Some disappointment spread across his face, as if he had expected a different answer. 

You heard a “Is that Kim Taehyung from Fine Arts?” and a “Fine he is definitely,” which made you pause for a moment. 

“Well… I uhm, I actually wanted to go out with the others. They just asked me if I wanted to join them.” You pointed your thumb over your shoulder to the group, which had now started whispering quietly. 

“Ah I see,” Taehyung said and his grin was back when he heard that, “So you’re making friends?”

“Taehyung,” you said, your voice sounding more whiny than you had intended. 

“It’s all good,” he laughed and before you knew what was happening, he had put an arm around you and pulled you against him for a moment. You froze, surprised about the sudden public display of affection. 

His perfume was still in your nose even when he had already let go of you and taken a step away. “Have a nice evening then. Text me when you get home okay or need someone to pick you up. I’ll stay awake until then.”

And without further ado, he smiled at you again before walking past you. As he passed the group, he waved to them and again wished you a good evening. You watched as he grew smaller and smaller in the twilight of the evening, the farther away he got, before finally disappearing behind a corner. 

All evening you couldn’t get his grin and the scent of his perfume out of your mind and nose. And more than once you wondered if it would have been better if you’d made a different choice. 

. . .

what am I to you?

The apartment door was yanked open, revealing a beaming, smiling Grace. 

“Hello, you two,” she greeted you with a sly smile before stepping aside, thus allowing you into the apartment. “Did you find your way here okay? When I first came to Seokjin’s apartment I got lost.”

You kicked your shoes off your feet and whispered a “thank you” at Taehyung as he took them from you and placed them neatly next to the countless others. 

“Sure,” he answered Grace’s question, straightening up again. 

In the narrow hallway, he looked huge, as if his shoulders were almost touching the two walls. You could only see his back as you walked to the voices that seemed to be coming from the living room. Music was clearly audible playing over the stereo, but quiet enough that you could talk without having to shout. You couldn’t deny the slight nervous tingle that had formed on your skin. 

Your eyes fell on Taehyung’s hand. You would only have to stretch out your arm a little and then your fingers would touch his fingertips. 

Your arm, which had lifted slightly on its own, fell limply back to your side. You kept your hands to yourself, even though nervousness was spreading through you. Like a balloon, it inflated before bursting as you stepped through the door into the room. Ten, twelve faces looked up as the three of you entered the room. You were relieved that there was no big fuss about it, but the others greeted you briefly and then continued in their conversation, which you had interrupted. 

You took a seat on the sofa next to a girl you didn’t know. But she looked nice.

Unnoticed, your eyes followed Taehyung, who took a seat at the other end of the sofa and returned Yoongi’s handshake. The two of them jumped right into an animated conversation. 

You were so focused on the two of them that you didn’t notice the look the girl next to you was giving you. Until she finally cleared her throat and you winced, caught and startled. 

“Sorry,” she smiled apologetically at you, “I didn’t quite catch your name. What’s your name again?”

“Y/N.” You had to clear your throat as only a croak came out at first. “And what’s your name?”

“Emilia, but feel free to call me Emmy.” She gave you another genuine smile, which you returned. Even your last bit of nervousness fell away from you as you lapsed into pleasant small talk over the next few minutes. 

It got even easier as Grace placed a glass of freshly mixed cocktail in front of you on the coffee table and dropped to the floor at your feet. You were all the more relieved to have her by your side and not have to answer every question, but to sink into the back of the sofa for a moment and just follow the conversation.

Inevitably, your gaze slid to Taehyung and it surprised you when your eyes met. 

When Taehyung saw this, he grinned at you. You had talked on the way about how awkward it was for you that he knew all the other guests and you knew no one except for him and Grace, and a bit of Yoongi, though mostly from Grace’s or Taehyung’s stories.

That’s why you could interpret his grin well. You knew what he was going to say, even if you didn’t have a chance to talk right now. 

“See, it’s not so bad.” 

You had spent so much time with him the last few weeks that you could practically hear his deep voice in your head. A warm feeling spread through you, even when he had already averted his gaze and was absorbed in talking to Yoongi again. 

That’s how the hours of the evening went by. 

You played a never-ending round of Uno, in which you didn’t come last (you preferred to hide the fact that you came second to last), and other card games. No drinking games, which you were happy about. No forcing to drink so everyone could drink what they liked, when they liked. 

At one point, Taehyung and Grace had switched places and you got all hot as he leaned against your shins. Him and Emmy knew each other since the first semester, as you found out. It made you feel weird, knowing that they knew each other for years, while the both of you only met a few months ago.

Nonetheless you enjoyed the evening, and feeling so protected by Taehyung that you didn’t even look at your phone every few minutes out of habit. Therefore, you had no idea what time it was. Only the slowly emerging tiredness told you that it was probably time to go home. 

You knew you would sleep well that night. Maybe you would spend the night at Taehyung’s place too – this would be a first. 

However, your good mood was abruptly over with one, harmless sentence.

“How do you two know each other anyway?” Emmy looked at you with interest and at first you were perplexed, so surprised at this question that you just sat there stiffly. 

Most of the others were engrossed in conversation and didn’t notice this awkward situation. Because what were you supposed to answer? You were not together. You didn’t even know if you wanted to and you had never talked about it in the first place. It had always been kind of clear that there was a sexual attraction between you – but something beyond that? 

You couldn’t answer that. 

Your gaze flickered to Taehyung for a second. Why didn’t he tell his long time friend about you? She didn’t even know your name… Had Taehyung never mentioned you to his friends before? 

You were just getting ready to speak, to make a not very explanatory statement, when Taehyung beat you to it. “We met at a party.” He reached for his glass and took a sip while making a hand gesture between the two of you. “We haven’t known each other that long, just for a few weeks.”

Emmy raised her eyebrows as if she’d expected a different answer – and she wasn’t the only one. She gave you a small smile and turned to Seokjin, who was sitting next to her and, as you had learned that night, was not only the host but also the entertainer of the evening. 

You turned your gaze from Seokjin and Emmy back to Taehyung, who was talking across the table with another young man whose name you had already forgotten. It had been too many names for one evening. But what surprised you a little was how quickly Taehyung had pushed the subject aside. 

Was that all? 

You hadn’t known yourself what you would have answered, but you were sure it would have been more than Taehyung’s answer. Something else. 

For the next half hour, you were exceptionally quiet, which Taehyung also noticed. He turned to you and squeezed your knee once, almost affectionately. “Are you tired? Do you want to go home?”

You nodded silently, barely able to look him in the eye. What was wrong with you? As if two sentences had tipped your mood 180 degrees. From one extreme to the other…

When you stepped into the cool summer night, you took the opportunity to take a deep breath. The alcohol and the heat in the living room had clouded your mind. That had to be it. 

But even on the way home – to your apartment – your mood didn’t seem to lift. Taehyung’s jokes and casual comments, which would normally make you smile, were exhausting at that moment and you were about to tell him that you could walk the rest of the way on your own. 

Then he suddenly stopped as if rooted to the spot and you had to walk a few steps back again. For a moment there was only silence. In the distance you heard shouting and laughter and the occasional car passing you by, bathing you in its warm yellow light. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

A simple question. No simple answer. So you just shrugged your shoulders. “Nothing, why?”

He clicked his tongue in displeasure. “You know I hate games like that.” Even in the darkness, you could see how his lips were pressed into a straight, stern line. 

Immediately your heart sank at the sight, making it even harder for you to find an answer and voice your thoughts. Instantly, you wished you had pulled yourself together for the last forty-five minutes. Instead, you were now in a situation you couldn’t easily get out of. At least not without completely throwing your principles overboard, and you just weren’t ready for that yet.

You turned your gaze to the ground and heard Taehyung sigh. A moment later, he took a step closer so that his shoes entered your field of vision. As his hands clasped yours, you flinched, not expecting the sudden touch. An argument was more what you had expected. 

“Hey, look at me, please,” he asked, this time in a softer voice. When you did just that, his gaze searched yours, as if trying to read all the answers from your face. But you knew your face was just an expressionless mask, not reflecting the chaos inside you. “What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?” You stayed silent. “Huh?”

You avoided his gaze and let your hands slip from his grasp. The disappointed look on Taehyung’s face escaped you as you searched the sidewalk for an answer. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

That made you look up. “I don’t need your help.” You winced at how cold your voice sounded. But you felt pushed into a corner. 

He frowned at your statement. “Okay…” he said and buried his hands in the front pockets of his pants. The hands that had held yours a moment before. He studied your face as if thinking about whether to say the next part or not. Then, “What do you want from me then?”

The question made your heartbeat quicken. 

Behause you had no real answer to that. Therefore, you just shook your head. 

Taehyung mimicked the movement. “What kind of answer is that, Y/N?”

You shrugged your shoulders and Taehyung sighed, gradually annoyed. 

“I feel like I’m talking to a wall right now. And to be honest, I’ve had that feeling for a few days now.”

You had to swallow.

“We’ve never worked out what this is between us,” he began, hesitating briefly, “but maybe it’s about time we talk about it.”

“Why?” Pleadingly, you looked at him. “Why can’t it stay the way it is right now?”

“Because of this.” He made a hand gesture between the two of you. “Because it’s not good for you or for me. I, I have–” He sighed and ruffled his hair in frustration. “I’m just afraid that you and I have different intentions.”

“Different intentions?” you repeated, confused. What was that supposed to mean? “Well, you’ve made it more than clear tonight how you see things between us.” 

Taehyung raised both eyebrows when he heard that. “What do you mean?”

You rolled your eyes. Did you really have to explain to him now what was bothering you? “Emmy didn’t even know who I was.”

He let the sentence sink in for a moment before enlightenment spread across his face. “Oh, that’s where that comes from… What would you have wanted to hear? That we’re together? We’re not, are we Y/N?”

“I just don’t understand you,” you said, not responding to him.

“I can say the same back,” he muttered, but you ignored that too.

“All evening you were so… so distant and your friends didn’t even know who I was and how we know each other. Do you know how awkward it was for me when Emmy asked that and then this answer came from you?” You waited a moment, but Taehyung’s lips were pressed tightly together again. “Do you think I didn’t feel the looks from Grace and Yoongi? The–The pity when they heard you just label me as an acquaintance?”

“Oh, is that your problem? Is it so important to you what others think of you?” 

You didn’t respond. That was not the reason and he should know it. 

“What was I supposed to introduce you as then?” Taehyung raised his voice now, showing just how frustrated he was getting. “Hi guys, this is Y/N by the way. We’ve been fucking for over three months, but I actually know absolutely nothing about her because she pushes me away every fucking time I want to get to know her better. Is that how you want me to introduce you next time?”

His chest rose and fell rapidly as he stood in front of you, completely out of breath, waiting for a reaction. 

You had to swallow and turned your gaze to the floor as the corners of your eyes began to burn. 

“Yes, I admit,” Taehyung continued, a bit more calmed but still noticeably upset, “I shouldn’t have introduced you as someone I just met at a party. But as what instead? What is this between us? You can’t tell me, and you don’t give me any clue about how you feel… how you feel about me. Sometimes I think you don’t fucking like me at all.”

“That’s not true,” you said meekly, but Taehyung snorted when he heard that. 

“Please stop denying that you don’t act like shit towards me. One night everything’s fine between us and the next day you’re back to being so distant as if there’s nothing between us.” You held his gaze, even though you wanted to look away. “And admit to yourself how you feel. For your sake, but also for mine, please. And let me know when you’ve made up your mind, I just can’t take this constant back and forth.”

He took a step back as if he needed some distance from you after his confession. Then he slowly walked past you while you continued to stand rooted to the spot.

“Are you coming?” you heard Taehyung’s voice behind you.

“I can walk the rest by myself.” Your voice sounded weak, as if the conversation just now had drained all your energy. 

Taehyung shook his head and nodded in the direction of your student apartment. “I’ll still walk you home. I’m not an asshole.”

If you concentrated, you could see the top of the roof in the distance. But maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you in the darkness. What was certain, though, was that the walk home would be unpleasant and long.

. . .

it’s a fine line between disappointment and anger

You shifted your weight from one foot to the other as your eyes flitted over the passing cars. You were on the lookout for Grace’s neon green old Ford Fiesta, although its eye-catching color made it hard to miss and visible even from a distance. When you took a quick look at your phone to check the time, you realized that you were already waiting for over fifteen minutes. 

The others were late.

You tried not to be too irritated about it, even though you couldn’t quite suppress the feeling. After all, you had taken a cab to get to the location, which was so far out of town. By train it would have been a big detour and a long walk afterwards, so you had bitten the bullet and spent the money on a cab. Even though you couldn’t deny that you almost cancelled when you found out how far out the location was.

And you knew all too well the reason why you had come after all.

You just hoped that Grace and Yoongi would give you a ride on the way back, so you wouldn’t have to pay for a cab again. 

You were about to reach into your jacket pocket for your phone again when you suddenly saw something green flashing in the distance. 

“Finally,” you muttered. You watched as Grace pulled into the parking lot and drove around the corner a little too fast before the car came to a stop in a parking space. 

“Sorry!” it echoed across the lot, barely after the driver’s side door was yanked open. “We’re late.” 

Grace came rushing to you and gave you a quick hug. As she did so, you noticed how out of breath she was, and instantly your little pang of annoyance was gone. “We still had to pick up Taehyung and Natalie.”

Natalie?

You tried not to flinch at the unfamiliar name. However, you didn’t even need to ask who this Natalie was because at that moment a girl got out of the car and brushed the non-existing dirt off her tight black jeans. Your gaze was so fixed on her that you didn’t even notice Taehyung, who had also gotten out of the car.

Only when he was just a few meters away from you and Grace did you notice him. You couldn’t help but let your eyes glide over his body. It had been a long time since you had seen Taehyung in jeans, when he usually wore wide-leg pants. You couldn’t deny how outrageously handsome he looked in the light blue jeans and plain black T-shirt that revealed his tanned arms. You wondered if he’d done something with friends last weekend and been out in the sun a lot.

You felt an unpleasant tingling on your skin and turned your attention back to the strange girl who pierced you with her gaze. It surprised you that no one else noticed her deadly stare, but that’s when she briefly narrowed her eyes and averted her eyes from you. Like a snake, which gave its warning before attacking if you didn’t back away. The message was clear, even if you didn’t understand what she had to fear. 

Taehyung and you, that was a closed book. Briefly flipped through it and then put back on the shelf. There, where it belonged and where it should preferably never be taken out again.

You hadn’t checked in for the past four weeks, and instead had locked yourself in your small dorm room preparing for exams. This had distracted you during the day, but at night you had often stayed awake. Your finger had hovered over the chat with Taehyung countless times before you had changed your mind at the last moment. 

It didn’t work. It wouldn’t work. 

Something inside you was still resisting, but now you didn’t have to act surprised if Taehyung had had enough of waiting. You had never been together. It was probably not difficult for him to move on. 

And you had given him every right to do so.

But then why did your heart tighten as you looked back and forth between Taehyung and Natalie?

“Let’s go in, it’s all going off of our time,” said Yoongi, who was the last to join you. With a nod and a quick smile, he greeted you before you walked together towards the front gate. The path to the small, ground-floor building was sandy, and lost in thought, you kicked a few small stones in front of you that were lying on the side of the path. 

“We needed one more person,” Grace snapped you out of your thoughts.

Confused, you looked up. 

“To play paintball,” she elaborated when she saw your puzzled look and nodded in the direction of Natalie, who was laughing at something Taehyung had said. She then punched him in the shoulder and he pretended to stagger far away before laughing as well. Just a few weeks ago, you had been the one laughing at his jokes. “It needs five players minimum, at least that’s what the website said.”

“Sure,” you replied, even though you had barely listened to Grace. You didn’t care about the reason Natalie was here. You wished that you had chosen to stay home. But there was nothing you could do about it now, and you definitely wouldn’t bring down anyone’s mood. 

So you put on a smile and hoped it would come easier in the next hours.

It didn’t take long at the reception, thankfully, so you were soon queuing up to borrow the equipment. During the induction training, your fingers nervously ran along the frame of the visor of your helmet that you had to wear. Purely precautionary, because the head was off limits, a paintball company employee explained to you. 

“There is also another rule,” the employee explained in a firm voice that indicated that he had told this text dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. “Or let’s say good etiquette. If you’re close to someone and the person hasn’t seen you,” he paused dramatically and you wondered if this pause had been in his script or if he’d added it over time, “don’t shoot the person, say ‘Bang!’ instead. Even if they’re just little hardened gelatine balls, they can really hurt when shot at such close range. So don’t be assholes and take care of each other.”

Scattered laughter rippled through the three groups receiving instruction with you. As your eyes slid back to the staff member to hear if he had more to explain, they lingered on Taehyung and Natalie. Natalie signalled Taehyung with her index finger to her lips that they should listen. As she did so, however, her lips twisted into a grin and from the short distance you could hear her soft laughter.

Oh now you couldn’t wait to get on the field.

. . .

You hid behind a small wooden hut in the fenced area. As you tried to calm your breathing, you checked the end of the gun to see how many of the little colored bullets were left before sighing quietly in frustration. 

You scanned your surroundings as you scrambled back to your feet, but there was no sign of Natalie. She was responsible for your team’s ammunition, and no sooner had the round begun against a group of strangers than she had apparently made it her goal to stay hidden not only from your opponents, but from her own teammates as well. You hadn’t seen her the entire round so far, and if you didn’t have a deep-seated grudge against her, you’d almost be impressed. 

You were jolted out of your thoughts when you suddenly heard a dull stomping behind you in the house. The hut was small, perhaps two square meters, and consisted only of thin wooden boards nailed together. As quietly as you could, you turned around and tried to make out something through the small slit between the wood, but even as you squinted your eye, you couldn’t see anything except for the floor. 

Suddenly, you heard something behind you. 

You whirled around and raised your gun at the same moment, aiming it right at the young man who was just sneaking around the corner of the house and was about to surprise you. 

You looked at each other perplexed for a moment before he turned his gun away from you and held up his free hand.

“I think we’re both out, aren’t we?” he laughed, and you agreed, smiling. 

He helped you to your feet and you went to join the others, who were also hit and waited outside the area until the round was over. You were surprised that Natalie and Taehyung were the only ones left from your team.

When Grace spotted you, she threw her arms up in the air in disappointment. “Oh no! I think we’re losing this round.” 

Yoongi stifled a grin at the pure disappointment in his girlfriend’s voice before putting an arm around her shoulders. Grace unconsciously rubbed her side, and as you moved to stand next to her, you asked, “Is that where it hit you?”

She looked down in wonder, where her hand was still rubbing the presumably sore spot, before nodding. “Those things really hurt, don’t you think?”

You shrugged. “I didn’t get hit. It was more of a mutual elimination.” You glanced to the side and saw the young man from the other team standing alone. His remaining team seemed not to have been hit yet. 

No sooner had this thought crossed your mind than two unknown men suddenly joined you. Their faces reflected frustration and disappointment. Your eyes widened when you saw the countless paint splatters on their clothes. 

“What happened to you guys?” laughed the other man when he noticed it too.

But the two didn’t answer him, instead they looked in your direction.

“Not a bad tactic,” one said, and the other nodded. 

You were glad that Grace and Yoongi were as clueless as you were when Grace asked, “What tactic?”

“You guys completely overran us with all the bullets two of your team members had. We didn’t expect that at all.”

Grace muttered something unintelligible and the two men joined their teammate. 

“You didn’t get any ammunition from Natalie either?” you asked in amazement, firmly expecting to be the only one who hadn’t seen Natalie. 

But the other two shook their heads and Grace rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what her problem is. If I had known beforehand what a bitch she was, I would have told Taehyung to take someone else with him.”

Yoongi grumbled in agreement. “Taehyung’s taste in women is questionable.” 

An uncomfortable silence settled over you like a heavy blanket. You didn’t miss Yoongi’s panicked glance in your direction, nor Grace’s elbow, which landed in Yoongi’s side. 

“Sorry, Y/N… I didn’t mean that,” he apologized, but you shook your head and forced a smile.

“It’s okay.”

But was it really?

The awkward silence was interrupted by a loud roar and cheer, and a little later the last four from the fenced area joined you. Two of them reflected exactly the emotion that the two men before had as well, while the other two were in each other’s arms, cheering and laughing loudly, and almost stumbling into each other.

“We won!” Natalie announced, grinning broadly and visibly proud. 

You didn’t need to look in Taehyung’s direction to notice that he was happy, too. You could hear it in the deep laughter that reached your ears.

But over their joy, they didn’t seem to notice that no one was rejoicing with them. A quick sideways glance at Grace told you how pissed off she was getting. To keep the situation from escalating, you stepped in. 

As calm and relaxed as you could, you said, “Maybe you’d like to give us some of that ammunition, too, in the next round.”

Natalie’s laughter died away, leaving behind an ugly grinning grimace. With raised eyebrows, she looked at you and took a step toward you. “It worked, didn’t it?” She paused. “Y/N.” She literally spat your name at your feet. “Or did it hurt that much when you got hit? Oh no, little baby.” She raised her hand and pinched your cheek like grandparents used to do with little kids. With a quick movement, you pushed her hand aside.

“Ever heard of teamwork?” interfered Yoongi, who also took a step forward, easily getting between you and Natalie. You were grateful for the distance between you.

Natalie’s challenging gaze was on you for a moment longer before she turned her attention to Yoongi. “Don’t be such killjoys, geez. We won, that’s all that matters.”

The discussion between Yoongi, Grace, and Natalie passed by you as your gaze slid to Taehyung. Your heart stopped for a second as your eyes met for the first time this day. You tried to find something in his gaze, an answer perhaps. An answer as to how you could drift apart in such a short time. And an answer to why on earth he had had to bring Natalie with him. 

Yet you knew the answer, and you knew you had no one to blame but yourself. Even though it had never been anything serious between you, Taehyung had given you the chance that it could have possibly become something more. If you had been brave enough. If you had admitted your feelings. 

If…

If you had given each other and yourself a chance. 

You had to avert your gaze and turned it to the ground instead. When you looked up again after a few seconds, Taehyung had turned his attention back to Natalie, who was still discussing with Grace. 

“Hey,” one of the men from the other group interrupted the argument, “Do you guys feel like swapping through?”

“Sure,” Natalie replied without waiting for a response from the others first. “Why not?”

“I want those two on the team, though,” you heard one of the men say quietly to his buddy before his gaze shifted to Natalie and Taehyung. The other one laughed and that reaction made the blood boil inside you. 

But that’s how it was decided before any of you three even had a chance to protest. Grace didn’t look like she was too sad about being on Natalie’s opposing team, though, and you were glad to know at least her and Yoongi were by your side. In addition to the two of them, you were joined rather reluctantly by the young man you had eliminated and one of the two who had been eliminated last in the round before.

Grace chatted with the two on her way to a new area, but you didn’t feel like talking. Usually you took the opportunity to meet new people, but today it kind of drained your energy. Either that or it was the annoying shrill laughter that could be heard every few seconds. Your ears were hurting by now.

“Wow, how cool!” Grace marveled as you walked through a large gate to the new area. And you too could only look around with your mouth open over the large plaza full of cars. At least you suspected that they were cars under the thick layer of paint, since they were barely visible. In the middle of the square diagonally stood a bus, which probably marked about half of the area. You could also make out an RV in the distance and many smaller cars scattered around. 

“You can hide in the cars, by the way,” one of the men from the other group gave you a hint.

“Are you guys here often?” asked Yoongi with interest and the other nodded.

He raised his gun, which looked different from the one you were holding. “Custom-made, we all have our own equipment.”

“Of course you do,” Grace muttered and you had to laugh. “Shhh, don’t laugh,” Grace whispered, but had to laugh as well. The fact that your laughter didn’t please one person at all escaped you at that moment. 

“Okay, we’ll each start from one side,” one of the two on your team announced, and you began to spread out across the course. More than once you almost slipped on the ground, which had become slippery from the layer of paint. You barely managed to hold on to the outside mirror of a car. A thick layer of paint remained on your hand and you grimaced as you wiped it off on your pants. 

At least you had thought ahead and taken a change of clothes with you. 

You looked at the RV that was in your area and before you could weigh the pros and cons, your legs had already carried you there out of pure curiosity. Quietly you opened the door to the interior and carefully closed it again behind you. 

Even the interior was not spared from paint splatters, but there was much less in here than outside. You continued to look around the dark room, which was only sparsely lit because the windows were also covered in paint from outside. 

“Shit,” you muttered as you realized what a bad idea that had been. You couldn’t see what was happening outside, and there was no place to hide in here either. The benches and kitchenette had been ripped out and only the small cubicle where you thought the toilet was, was still there. 

With a sigh, you turned and reached toward the door to go back outside, when suddenly you heard voices. You couldn’t make out who it was or if it was someone from your team, but you couldn’t take the risk. 

Cursing, you lowered your hand again and walked quietly but briskly toward the small cabin. You winced when the rotten wood squeaked as you opened the door, but continued with your plan. Not that you had a choice. In the darkness, you were able to make out that the toilet had also been ripped out, making it just a tiny, empty room. 

You shut the door and squatted on the floor. Straining your ears, you tried to hear something, but except for your breathing, which seemed uncomfortably loud under your helmet, you couldn’t hear anything. Adrenaline coursed through your veins and your ears picked up every little sound. 

Had that been the door to the RV? 

You tried to make yourself a little smaller.

“I swear, I saw her go in here.”

The blood froze in your veins as you recognized the deep voice. You didn’t know why, but it hurt to hear that Taehyung had betrayed you just like that. And you didn’t need laser vision to know who was alongside Taehyung. 

A second later, the door was yanked open.

Your eyes narrowed as you had to look at the sudden light that fell through the door, illuminating the person in front of you from behind. You only heard them laugh, which sounded somewhat muffled by the helmet and visor, before you heard a loud clack and a second later felt a sudden pain in your upper arm. 

Before you understood what had happened, the sequence repeated itself two more times. A bullet bounced off the wall and hit you in the back of the head. You flinched as a sharp pain shot through you and instinctively grabbed the back of your head. Even in the dark you could see your fingers were yellow from the paint.

“Oh oops,” you heard Natalie laugh, “Bang.”

She giggled even as you scrambled to your feet and pushed past her. She didn’t step aside, not until your shoulder made hard contact with hers and she stumbled to the side. 

“Ugh, someone can’t lose, I guess.”

Jumping out of the RV and almost running into Taehyung, you froze on the spot for a moment. Not a word came out of him and after a few moments you just gave a cool short laugh before shaking your head and walking towards the edge of the area. 

The back of your head hurt and as you ran your fingers through your hair again, you winced, noticing how the color was already gluing them together. A curse stuck in your throat, but you tried not to let it out. Once you started, you wouldn’t be able to stop. 

“We’re really bad,” Grace laughed when she caught sight of you. But you shook your head in response and silently walked past her. “Is everything okay?” One foot in front of the other. “Y/N?”

Her questions fell silent when you were finally far enough away. You went straight to the lockers and reached for your bag. The sudden jerk caused it to snag on the metal of the locker, which only made you pull on it more furiously. A few seconds of mindless pulling later, you let it go. As you brushed your palms over your face, you noticed how your hands were shaking. 

So you forced yourself to take a few deep breaths before slowly grabbing the handles of your bag again. This time you immediately managed to pull it out of the compartment. The locker slammed shut behind you as you made your way towards the changing rooms. 

. . . 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you?” Grace asked you this question for the third time and for the third time you nodded. 

You said your thanks to the staff member who held out an ice pack to you and immediately you held it to the back of your head. By the time you had changed your clothes, you had already noticed the dark red spots where you had been hit and which would surely be blue by tomorrow at the latest. When you had pulled your sweatshirt over your head, you had noticed the thick and painful bump on your head. 

“I really appreciate this, Grace, that you’re offering to wait with me,” you explained, “but you paid for this and you had fun, so I don’t want to spoil it for you.”

“You’re not spoiling anything for me,” came back the prompt reply. Grace was still holding your free hand as if she was afraid you were getting the next cab home at any moment. And to be honest, you would like nothing better than that right now.

Still, you rolled your eyes. “Come on,” you said, nodding behind her. 

Yoongi was just heading your way, with a questioning look on his face. “What happened?” 

Grace started to answer, but you beat her to it. “I got hit, nothing bad.”

But Grace grunted contemptuously. “Natalie shot her in the back of her head.”

“It wasn’t on purpose.” You didn’t want to defend her because you knew the two hits before that had definitely been on purpose. But you also knew that the hit to your head had been bad luck.

“Does it hurt much?” Yoongi didn’t join the discussion, but remained diplomatic. You gave him credit for that. Your head hurt enough as it was, you didn’t need another unnecessary argument. 

In response, you shrugged your shoulders and pressed the cold pack harder against your head, closing your eyes briefly. 

“Do you want one of us to stay here?”

“Not you too,” you groaned, and when you opened your eyes again, you caught sight of Natalie and Taehyung, who also joined you at that moment.

“Oh,” Natalie said, barely standing next to Grace, “you changed your clothes, Y/N,” she remarked as she looked down at you. 

Grace’s grip on your hand tightened and you saw her jaw tighten. 

Then you turned your gaze to Natalie. There was not an ounce of remorse or pity in her gaze. “Yeah, I’m out. Completely for today.”

“Oh no, what a shame!” 

Taehyung on the other hand was exceptionally quiet right now and didn’t say a word. And you didn’t have the strength to look up and see the same look you saw a few minutes ago.

“Well, that’s just the way it is. Shall we keep playing?”

No one said a word and the uncomfortable silence increased by the second. 

“Go on,” you said, squeezing Grace’s hand, “go on playing without me.” You gave her a significant look and Grace’s eyes widened briefly before a knowing smile spread across her face.

“Okay, let’s go!” she said euphorically, jumping to her feet. Then she pulled Yoongi by the hand with her. 

Natalie didn’t take the invitation twice either and followed the two of them. Only when she had walked a few meters did she stop in wonder and look back at Taehyung, who hadn’t moved an inch. “Are you coming, Tae?”

You couldn’t hold back your bitter grin when you heard the nickname. When you looked up, Taehyung’s gaze was right on the floor in front of you. “Come on, Tae,” you said, and at your voice your eyes met, “your girlfriend’s calling you.”

Taehyung’s answer came directly without hesitation and his voice was cold as he said, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Just like I’ve never been your girlfriend? Is that the same between you two?”

“That’s not fair, Y/N… You were the one who didn’t talk to me for four weeks. It was as if you had completely disappeared from the face of the earth.”

He looked at you silently, his lips pressed into a straight line. He shook his head ever so slightly before turning and following the others without another word. You had to admit that you felt some gloating when he ignored Natalie’s outstretched hand and followed Yoongi and Grace without paying any attention to her. 

. . .

“You should have seen her face,” Grace laughed, quickly covering her mouth when she realized how loudly she had spoken. You stood in front of the locker while Grace pushed her water bottle into her bag. Wordlessly, Yoongi held his dirty clothes out to her and with a roll of her eyes, she grabbed them and stuffed them into the bag as well. “Next time, bring your own bag.”

“Hm-hm,” Yoongi muttered, already having turned his attention to something else.

You exited the building and headed toward the parking lot. You looked over your shoulder, where you recognized Taehyung and Natalie a few feet away from you. The two didn’t say a word to each other and silently followed you.

“What happened?” you asked quietly as you turned to face forward again. You couldn’t deny that the mood between the two of them seemed tense, while Grace walked beside you almost jumping for joy.

“She realized it hurts when you get hit.”

Immediately your head snapped to her, “Oh God, what did you do?” 

But Grace shook her head and you could see a slight smile on Yoongi’s face. “Not me.” She gave you a meaningful look that you couldn’t interpret. Or wanted to. “Taehyung.”

“Taehyung?” You were confused. “Weren’t they on the same team?”

“Apparently he got tired of her,” Yoongi said, and he too looked at you for a moment too long. 

“And that’s not the only thing,” Grace directly followed up when Yoongi hadn’t even finished speaking, “He accidentally called her Nicole. She hasn’t spoken to him since.”

“Admittedly, he didn’t really talk to her before either.”

You had to swallow. Suddenly a fat lump had settled in your throat, making it hard for you to make a sound. Only when you cleared your throat did you start to speak. “Can we talk about something else?”

For a moment neither of them said anything and you felt the eyes of both on you. You had yours, however, focused on the floor in front of you. Grace was just starting to speak when suddenly a shadow appeared next to you in the corner of your eye. You looked up in surprise and were even more surprised to see Taehyung next to you. 

He didn’t say a word, but just walked beside you. You opened your mouth, but you didn’t know what to say. Especially not in front of Grace and Yoongi. And in front of Natalie, whose footsteps you heard right behind you. 

And was there anything to say at all? Or would all the effort be for nothing and just a little too late?

You eyed him from the side, letting your gaze glide over his tousled and windblown hair, over his nose and his lips. The lips, which formed slightly downward and the eyebrows, which he had pinched together in thought. 

It seemed as if he noticed your stare, because suddenly he looked up and when your eyes met every trace of strain disappeared. A brief smile spread across his face before he turned his gaze forward again.

Arriving at the car, you tried to make yourself as small as possible in the middle seat so that your leg wouldn’t keep bumping into Taehyung’s as Grace rounded a corner. Your heart had been pounding up to your throat ever since you felt the heat radiating from him and taking over you completely. Your skin tingled and again and again your gaze slid to his hand, which he had placed on his knee. It needed only a small movement of your hand and you would be able to grasp it. You wondered if he would withdraw his hand or allow–

You quickly turned your gaze to the other side. But it was no better there. Natalie barely gave you room, which didn’t make your predicament with Taehyung any better. She stared wordlessly out the window since you got into the car and paid no attention to the conversations in the car. 

Even though there wasn’t that much attention to pay there, because every attempt Grace made to start a conversation was met with a wall of awkward silence. A few short sentences, Taehyung, Yoongi and you returned before the conversation died again. On top of that, you felt Grace’s eyes on you through the rearview mirror every few seconds. You didn’t need to be able to read minds to understand that you were supposed to talk to Taehyung. 

The next time your eyes met, you tried to shake your head as inconspicuously as possible. 

This was not the right time. 

Grace shook her head… and drove a little too fast around the next curve. 

You managed to suppress the surprised yelp, but couldn’t keep your balance, so you fell into Taehyung’s lap. Your hand came into contact with his thigh, which you tried to brace yourself against. 

“Oh,” Grace laughed, and you gave her an evil glare through the driver’s seat, “I guess I was a little too fast. Sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Taehyung’s deep voice startled you. You felt his strong hand on your shoulder and slowly he pulled you back upright. 

“Yeah, sorry,” you apologized and your cheeks burned. Damn, Grace…

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing happened.”

But something did happen, just not the way Taehyung was thinking at that moment. 

. . .

scary love

Your heart was pounding loudly in your chest; so hard it almost hurt. Your gaze slid from your perfectly applied makeup to your top, and you stared at the spot under your left breast for a moment, sure that you could see your heart beating. You shook your head and took one deep breath before grabbing your bag, throwing on a jacket and leaving your room. 

The hustle and bustle of the city drowned out your noisy thoughts as you made your way to the apartment of the house party. When Grace had approached you about the party yesterday and asked if you were coming, your thoughts had inevitably drifted straight to Taehyung. The last time you had gone out at night was when you and Taehyung had had your fight. Even though that was nearly a month and a half ago, it seemed like it was only a few days ago.

But it wasn’t just your thoughts that had drifted straight to him. 

As you got off the bus and walked the rest of the way, Grace’s expression came back to your mind. The much-important pause that had followed her question and right before her hesitant “Taehyung will be there too.” 

You wondered if it would always be like this from now on. That you would have to be forewarned if there was a chance that you might run into each other.

You hoped that this would not be your future. That you could have a clarifying conversation with him tonight. And that he was at the party at all. You didn’t even want to think about the fact that you came to the party today for nothing. 

The thumping bass and sweaty heat met you as you entered the house. Immediately, your eyes scanned the various guests as you walked through the different rooms on the first floor. Your heart stopped a few times as you thought you spotted Taehyung, only to be disappointed when it was someone else. 

You were still a little scared that you seemed to feel so strongly about Taehyung. You didn’t want to imagine the pain if Taehyung rejected you. After all, he had been relatively cryptic in his statements, and even if… you had taken a few weeks to make your decision. The situation with Natalie still hadn’t left your mind. What if he showed up again today with another girl? 

Your thoughts raced and your gaze darted through the crowd until finally someone entered your field of vision and you looked up slightly. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” Grace looked at you with wide eyes and you were sure your nervousness was showing.

“Yes,” you answered her, your voice sounding breathless. Just like how you felt. “Have you seen Taehyung?”

Grace stifled a smile, but the corners of her mouth twitched up suspiciously, betraying her. 

“He’s coming along with Yoongi. The two of them should be on their way.” She glanced at her phone and nodded once more in agreement with her statement. “Oh, Yoongi just texted that they arrived.”

Your heart skipped a beat and the nervousness became almost unbearable all at once. Nausea spread through you and you gratefully accepted the drink Grace held out to you, which you only now noticed. As you took a generous sip of it, you realized it was water.

“Thank you, Grace.”

“I thought it would be better if you worked this out sober.” She smiled at you encouragingly, but suddenly her eyes fell on something behind you. You were afraid to turn around because you knew exactly who must have come up behind you. You could see it in Grace’s smile and you inevitably wondered if you were looking at Taehyung like that. Or if he was looking at you like that. 

But when Yoongi came up beside you, you couldn’t continue to stand rooted to the spot. You turned your head to the side and Taehyung’s gaze was already on you. For a moment, you stared at each other as if you were having a telepathic conversation. Then a small smile spread on Taehyung’s lips and you felt yourself relax abruptly. 

“Hey,” his deep voice greeted you. 

“Hi.” You didn’t notice Grace and Yoongi giving each other meaningful looks before they unobtrusively walked away from you and left you alone. You were too focused on Taehyung, on his face and his smile. He looked handsome, his T-shirt tucked into his dark pants, and at his neck you could make out a fine silver chain, its pendant disappearing under his T-shirt. 

You had missed him. And you were glad to see him again. 

And as you studied his expression, hope spread through you that he might felt the same way. 

“Shall we–”, “Do you want–”, you started talking at the same time and you suppressed an eye roll as you laughed softly. 

“Please,” he let you go first with that boxy smile you had missed so much. 

You took a deep breath and laid out the words you’d been thinking about for the past few days. “Do you want to talk somewhere that might be a little quieter?”

Taehyung nodded without thinking twice. “Shall we go to my place? I’m here by car.”

Surprised, you raised your eyebrows. “By car? But you just got here, right? And since when do you have a car?”

His smile changed, taking on a hint of… was that embarrassment? “Well, I didn’t come here for the party.” Now he was grinning fully at you. “And Yoongi lent me his car.”

The words got stuck in your throat and you were incapable of more than a smile. 

“Shall we?” 

As you nodded, Taehyung led you through the crowd back to the front door. Every few seconds he looked over his shoulder to make sure you hadn’t lost him and were still behind him. 

But you wouldn’t let him out of your sight again.

Silently, you walked to Taehyung’s car, but this time the silence was not uncomfortable. Instead, there was a certain tension in the air, as if you were both nervous about the upcoming conversation. No matter how it turned out, something would definitely change for you. 

As the doors slammed shut loudly, the sound snapped you out of your thoughts. All at once, you realized how close you were to Taehyung. His right hand was on the gear stick as he put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking space. You couldn’t help but watch him as he expertly pulled the car onto the road. 

“Are you just going to stare at me the whole time, or do you want to talk as well?” Taehyung’s grin showed you that he was just teasing you because he had noticed your stare. 

“Sorry,” you returned with a soft laugh, turning your gaze to the road ahead of you instead. 

“How are you?” 

Normally, you hated that question. It was a filler for awkward pauses when you didn’t know what to say. But at that moment, it was different. You knew that Taehyung was genuinely interested in how you were doing and that his question hinted at more than it showed at first glance. A question whose deeper meaning only the two of you knew. 

Therefore, you pondered for a moment how best to answer this question. You decided to tell the truth. Finally. “I… could be better.”

“Oh?” Taehyung tilted his head and gave you a quick sideways glance.

Your gaze was on your feet as you continued to explain. “I’ve been pretty bothered by everything… All this between us I mean.”

“Hm-hm.”

“And I wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize?” Taehyung sounded seriously surprised. “For what?”

You sighed and let your head fall back against the headrest. “For treating you like that… I didn’t know what I wanted myself, and I expected you to know. That was unfair.”

Taehyung let your words run through his mind. “And do you know what you want now?” In one move, he parked in front of his apartment and turned off the engine. 

You waited until he pulled the key out of the ignition and looked at you. “Yes.”

“And what’s that?” Taehyung’s voice was little more than a whisper, so soft that it was meant only for your ears. Afraid that if it left that small space of the car, that your mind would change again. 

But it wouldn’t anytime soon. Rarely had you felt as sure as you did at that moment. 

“Can we discuss this upstairs?”

Nervously, you followed him up the two flights of stairs, the mixture of your racing heart and exertion making you gasp a little as Taehyung unlocked his apartment. 

“Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea, water… I also have that lemonade you like so much.” His voice grew more distant as he disappeared into the kitchen. You heard dishes and bottles clinking as you waited uncertainly in the hallway until Taehyung finally stepped out of the kitchen with two bottles and you went into the living room. 

No matter how you sat on the small sofa, you couldn’t stay still and had to change your position every few seconds. Legs crossed, once left leg up, then right leg. Then both feet on the floor, once half bent on the sofa–

Until Taehyung finally put a hand on your knee, forcing you to rest. A small smile played around his lips as he sought and finally found your gaze. “I’ve never seen you this nervous before,” he remarked, leaning back again after making sure you stayed in one position for now. 

You exhaled before taking a sip of the lemonade and placing the bottle back on the coffee table. Your hands shook as you placed them folded back together in your lap. You heard the quiet whirring of Taehyung’s Playstation, which he never shut off, and which had already become a welcoming sound. It seemed almost ridiculous to you that you had missed that. 

You cleared your throat and slid back and forth on the sofa again before finally getting to speak. You were so engrossed in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice how nervous Taehyung himself was and how he was hanging spellbound on your lips, hoping that you would finally give him an explanation. 

“I’ve had a lot of time the last few weeks to think about… well, to think about the weeks before that. The paintball game in particular has given me a lot to think about.”

“I still wanted to apologize for that,” Taehyung added, “Nadine was really out of line. I shouldn’t have brought her.”

You grunted before you could hold it back, but decided not to comment on his mistake. Instead, you asked, “Then why did you? How do you even know her?”

Now Taehyung was shifting back and forth a little uneasily. “I know her from a few parties. She approached me shortly after that fight we had…”

The question hung in the air, but still, you had to have certainty.

“Was there something going on between you two?”

Taehyung hesitated to answer and you felt your heart sink.

Then he sighed. “We kissed, made out a little before I stopped. When Yoongi asked me if I knew anyone else we could take to the paintball game, she offered coming. I thought it would be a good idea to… um, well–”

“Were you trying to make me jealous?” you interrupted him, raising an eyebrow. 

Taehyung nodded and rubbed the back of his neck with the flat of his hand, slightly embarrassed. “I know that’s stupid and childish. But I was just still so mad at you–at me, at both of us to be honest. You’d been so absent-minded with me, I just wanted to see some kind of reaction from you.”

“I’m sure you saw one,” you muttered, turning your gaze to the gray carpet.

“Yes, but not the one I wanted,” Taehyung returned, also muttering. “I never wanted you to get hurt. That’s what I told her as well.” There was silence between the two of you for a moment and you heard Taehyung take a deep breath. “I haven’t been in contact with her since, if you’re interested.”

You weighed his statement before nodding slowly and turning your gaze back to him. “You can have contact with whomever you want, Taehyung,” you began, and he started to contradict you, but you raised your hand, wanting to finish your sentence, “but I don’t want to tell you what to do and what not to do. Who you should have contact with and with whom you shouldn’t. If we start with such stories, we’ll get into a spiral again. But thank you for telling me honestly what happened between you.”

Taehyung waited a moment to see if you had finished talking before it rushed out of him. “I didn’t end it with her because I was afraid of what you would think about it. In the first place, there was never anything between us that could have been ended, and secondly, that was entirely a decision for myself. And I wanted to be fair to her. I know what it’s like to just be a replacement for someone and how shitty this feels. I didn’t want to do that to anyone else.”

“I didn’t know anyone had ever hurt you like that.”

Taehyung laughed softly as he recalled, and you were glad that the memory no longer seemed to cause him pain. You still had to work on that yourself, letting bygones be bygones and not projecting your experiences onto other people, other men. 

“In my junior year… I can’t remember her name,” Taehyung began to tell, “I was fully into puberty and she was the first girl I really liked. You must know that I used to be quite the nerd.” He softly laughed about himself when he remembered that. 

“A nerd? Pfft.” Looking at Taehyung now, with his wide black pants, muscular upper arms showing under his white T-shirt, and his whole aura radiating, you found it hard to imagine.

“Hey, don’t pfft me,” he complained, “I cared a lot about good grades and she noticed that. Of course, back then, I gratefully accepted any chance to do something with her. Even if it consisted of me doing her homework while she sat on her phone, probably texting her friends about how boring I was.”

“Ouch. That’s almost exactly like all those teen movies from back in the day.”

“And I was the poor nerd that the whole school made fun of behind his back.”

From the way Taehyung said this, you knew he wasn’t exaggerating. Your hand twitched as you reached for his hand, but you were unsure how far to go. Whether your touch was appropriate and, more importantly, welcome. 

But he had seen that small movement and reached for your hand. Your fingers intertwined as if they were made for it and you wondered if that was the first time you held hands like that. At that moment, you couldn’t imagine a more intimate gesture.

“I changed schools my senior year and graduated. A fresh new start, so to speak.”

“I know what that feels like,” you agreed, nodding, and he smiled at you gratefully. His fingers painted small circles on the back of your hand and the skin touched by his fingertips began to tingle. 

“It wasn’t an easy time for me, if I’m honest,” he continued, “I didn’t make any friends in my last year because most of the groups had already formed and I felt like it wasn’t worth it for most of them to make another friendship for that one year. But I could have tried harder. So I was glad when I was out of school.”

You tilted your head in wonder. “I thought you liked school?”

Taehyung threw you a small smile. “There’s a difference between liking learning and liking school. I always wanted to get good grades, even if that girl spoiled it for me a bit. Crashed a little bit after that, and really all I enjoyed was drawing and painting. I was glad that the university accepted me at all with my final grades. Because that’s not what a lot of people think, that you need good grades to study art.” Taehyung rolled his eyes and shook his head, laughing softly.

“Is that what you want to do? Being a painter?”

Taehyung thought about it for a moment. You could tell that he had a profession on the tip of his tongue, but seemed unsure of how you would respond. You squeezed his hand once so he would continue.

“I mean, there are many professions,” he began to explain, “I can stay at a university after graduation and pass on my knowledge to others. I think that’s pretty cool.”

You waited a moment, but Taehyung seemed to be pondering his thoughts. “But?” you asked because of that, and he turned his attention back to you. 

“My dream is to open my own gallery. To support small artists and bring their voices to the public. And, of course, to exhibit myself, that would be awesome.”

“Do you have some paintings here?”

He looked at you like you’d asked a totally crazy question. And maybe you had. Sometimes you lived in your own world full of books from centuries ago that you felt a little detached from the present time. 

Taehyung let your hand slip from his and got up from the sofa. He went to the large cabinet that took up almost the entire opposite wall, pulled open a drawer, and began rummaging through it. After a few moments, he seemed to have found what he was looking for.

When he came back to you, he had a large drawing pad in his hand, which he held out to you. With careful fingers you took the A2 large pad from him. The first small loose sketches fell into your hand as you opened the pad. Immediately your jaw dropped as you took your first look at what probably represented Taehyung’s most intimate thoughts and feelings. 

You recognized many black and white sketch-like drawings that, at least you assumed, must have been painted with charcoal. It seemed like he had been studying different facial expressions, and that was a theme that ran through many of his drawings. Even your untrained eye could see that Taehyung placed a lot of emphasis on the expressions of his models. Anger, annoyance, sadness, more rarely happiness… you kept turning the pages and suddenly the drawing in front of you looked familiar. Or rather, the person who was drawn looked familiar. 

It was you. 

You looked up in surprise and met Taehyung’s waiting gaze. It seemed like he was reading every reaction on your face. 

“Some people don’t like it when you draw them,” he explained.

You searched for the right words as you continued to flip through it and saw another drawing of yourself. In the background you saw sketchy hints of other people, and you wondered if this was supposed to be the night of the party when you two had first met. 

Your index finger gently stroked the fine pencil lines. “This is how you see me?” Your voice was no more than a whisper. Your eyes fell on the date, written very small in the corner of the picture. You weren’t quite sure, but you believed that the picture had been taken on the very day after the party.

“What do you mean?”

Your gaze fell back to the drawing. The drawing strokes were deliberate and skillfully placed, as if he had done it a thousand times before. Only in the region of the face could you see eraser marks, and as you stroked over them, Taehyung laughed softly. 

“It took me forever to get your face right,” he admitted, also letting his gaze slide over the paper in your hands. 

“It turned out beautifully,” you breathed. 

Taehyung looked up from the drawing and eyed your face for a moment before the corners of his mouth twitched upward. “Still, nothing like the original. Nothing comes close to that.”

You rolled your eyes when you heard that, but had to laugh softly. His comment reminded you of the night of the party. Already there he had been able to convince you, to your surprise, with his bad and exaggerated comments. You would have ignored anyone else, but even then you had given him a chance. 

No matter what Taehyung said or did, he always made you feel that he meant it one hundred percent. And that was what set him apart from many men your age. 

And that was the reason you were here. 

Gently, you closed the sketchpad and placed it on the coffee table in front of you. “So,” you began, leaning back again until your back touched the backrest. Even though you looked relaxed from the outside, excitement and nervousness raged inside you. “What is this between us?”

Taehyung also leaned back and turned slightly to the side so that your knees were almost touching. With every second that Taehyung said nothing, the tension grew. 

Then he cleared his throat and you flinched, so tense you were. “Hmm,” he began, studying your face. “There can be everything and nothing between us.”

You suppressed a snort, and instead a muffled sound of disapproval came out.

A smirk spread across his face when he heard it, before he leaned forward. 

“Is that answer not acceptable to you?” His grin revealed that he knew exactly what you wanted to hear. 

Needed to hear. 

Because still your heart was beating up to your throat, afraid that you would get hurt. But luck was with the brave, right?

So you shook your head. No, you were not satisfied with his answer. 

You also leaned forward so that you braced your elbows on your knees. Now there were only a few inches between you and Taehyung. You imagined even feeling his breath lightly on your face. Then you said, so softly that it was almost swallowed by the silence around you, “I want more than what we already had. I don’t know if this is or can become a relationship, but I want more than sex. I want to get to know you, your quirks and oddities–”

“There aren’t any,” he interrupted, grinning. 

“There’s already the first one” you mumbled, looking at him seriously for a moment. Then a smile broke up your serious expression.

Taehyung just shook his head with a grin before his eyes fell on your lips. “Does that mean I finally get to kiss you?”

“Yeah.” 

Taehyung raised his hand, slowly, and so gently that at first you were unsure if you were imagining the touch, before his palm and thumb rested on your cheek and his fingers caressed your ear and neck. Your breath hitched at the intimate touch and unconsciously you leaned towards the movement. 

This was the moment when you threw every last bit of doubt overboard. The space that was finally vacated, after all these years, was filled with a warmth until you even felt the heat on your cheeks.

Taehyung now leaned forward fully and you closed your eyes at the same moment as his lips met yours. The kiss was soft at first, almost cautious, as your bodies had to get used to each other again. But it only lasted a moment before Taehyung opened his lips to intensify the kiss and ran his tongue along your lips. You willingly opened your mouth and allowed him to enter. 

He explored your mouth and pulled you towards him by your hips until you landed on his lap with a soft “oomph”. He gave a low, satisfied-sounding grumble and his grip on your waist tightened, as if to make sure you wouldn’t vanish into thin air again at any moment. 

Your fingers ran through his soft hair and you didn’t know where to touch him first. Everything was going too slowly for you and when you let your hips circle against Taehyung’s, he made a satisfied sound. His big hands eased off your hips and instead sought their way under your T-shirt. Meanwhile, the kiss grew more intimate and you both fought for the upper hand, even though you knew there was no answer to that question. 

“God, I missed you,” he murmured into the kiss. 

His thumb circled your nipple over the material of your bra und you arched into his touch. You felt him growing even harder between your legs when you pushed your hips into his. Taehyung bit your lower lip and elicited a whine from you. He grabbed your thighs and in the next moment he had lifted you up and laid you backwards on the sofa. Immediately he towered over you and you spread your legs so that he could find space between them. His mouth wandered downward, along your neck, remembering exactly which parts of you were particularly sensitive and making you squirm in his grip. 

As he let his hips snap against yours, your moans echoed loudly in the otherwise silent room. He showed you exactly how hard he was, and your abdomen contracted as you thrust your hips upward, hoping to get more friction. 

But Taehyung seemed to have other priorities at that moment and pushed your T-shirt up a little further. You shivered as the cool air hit your bare and heated skin, and when Taehyung sensed this, he rubbed your sides with his large, warm hands. His mouth also found its way to your stomach and he spread countless small, innocent kisses on the sensitive skin before he slid a little further back and straightened up until he knelt between your legs. 

You were already out of breath at this point and looked at him over your rapidly heaving chest. He held your gaze as he slowly, but surely reached with his fingers to the clasp of your jeans and undid them. He took his time, after all, you were no longer in any hurry. Time belonged to you alone at that moment.

Taehyung helped you slip out of the tight jeans and threw them on the floor next to the sofa. He didn’t hesitate for a second and let his hands slide up your legs starting at your calves, until he finally reached your thighs and spread them a little further apart. 

His gaze was fixed on the center of your body and his eyes flickered upward for a brief moment where your eyes met. “And I missed that, too.” He bit his lip while his gaze studied your body, as if he were absorbing and memorizing every little detail of you.

The air escaped you as you laughed out of breath. “I’ve missed you, too.”

This time his gaze was on you longer; it seemed like he didn’t expect that answer. Both of you would probably need a little time to get used to this new situation. But it didn’t scare you anymore. For the first time in years you had the feeling that someone accepted, even liked you, as you were.

And for the first time, maybe ever, you knew you were giving someone else that chance too.

He turned his gaze back between your legs and you had to moan as he stroked his thumb over the wet line that had already formed on the material of your underwear. Then he withdrew his hand and grabbed the hem of his T-shirt, which he pulled over his head a moment later. Immediately your hands grabbed everything they could find, his trained arms, over his chest and stomach. Until your fingers finally reached the waistband of his pants, where you paused for a moment. 

You looked up and without breaking eye contact, you pulled the button through its flap and pulled the zipper down, before Taehyung slipped out of them. 

Your breath hitched when you saw how hard Taehyung was. His bulge was significant in his gray boxers and when you saw that, you grabbed him through the material. He groaned and his eyes fluttered shut at the touch before he thrust his hips towards your hand. Taehyung grumbled in frustration as that wasn’t enough. Without further ado, he grabbed your hand to push it away and grabbed your legs instead. 

Before you knew what was happening, he had spun you around so that you were sitting on the sofa again and he let himself slide onto the floor between your legs. He bumped into the coffee table behind him, clanking, and you watched the two bottles of lemonade wobble dangerously before they settled back down.

“Maybe I’d better move this one back a little,” Taehyung said more to himself than to you, and gently pushed the table back a few inches, giving him a little more room to maneuver. 

Without playing any more games, he snaked his fingers under the thin material of your panties and you lifted your pelvis so he could slide them off of you. Then he grabbed your thighs from underneath and pulled you to the edge of the sofa. You felt his hot breath on your heated and wet center and let your head fall backwards onto the backrest. 

“Did you know you have the sweetest pussy ever?” He gave you a quick glance from between your legs and as if by themselves your fingers found their way into his hair. Then he buried his face in your dripping folds and licked a long strip along your opening.

“Oh God,” you uttered as he placed the tip of his tongue against your clit and circled it. “Why are you so good at this?”

Taehyung’s deep laugh came from between your legs, and the vibrations from it sent more shockwaves through your body. He savored your taste, diving right in so that his nose grazed your clit and you unintentionally thrust your hips upward. He released one arm and held you in place with the flat of his hand on your abdomen. 

His lips found your clit and when he started sucking on it hard, you let your head fall back and pushed his head even closer between your legs. 

With a smack, he broke away from you and when he looked up, you could see the area around his mouth glistening. “You have no idea how delicious you are, Baby,” he murmured, replacing his tongue with two of his fingers that slid up and down, spreading your arousal. His fingers stopped briefly at your entrance, pressing the tips of his fingers inside so that he stretched you ever so slightly before running them along your labia again. 

“Don’t tease me like that, please.” Your inner walls were pulsing around nothing, just waiting to finally be filled. Preferably by Taehyung, but if he didn’t hurry, you’d have to do it yourself. 

“Oh come on, you love it,” Taehyung laughed softly, biting his lower lip as his gaze fell on his fingers, sliding in and out of you. He was giving you what you wanted, just not enough of it. 

“Taehyunggg…” You didn’t care how whiny you sounded.

But your plan seemed to work, as Taehyung suddenly pushed them all the way into you. You stifled a moan as his fingers buried deep inside you and the heel of his hand pressed against your clit. 

“Is that better?” Taehyung sounded breathless as well.

“Yes,” you gasped and Taehyung began to pick up a slow but steady pace with his fingers. You could hear how wet you were and that sound only turned you on more. “Taehy–” His name got stuck in your throat as Taehyung began to curl his fingers while being buried deep inside you. 

“What was that?” 

“Fuck you,” you blurted out between clenched teeth, but Taehyung knew you didn’t mean your insult. 

“I’d rather have you do it.” And with that, all at once, he pulled his fingers out of you. 

He eyed your torso and slid his palm over one of your breasts. Through the material of your T-shirt and bra, he let his thumb circle your nipple before pulling his hand back. “Take that off, Baby. I want to see you.”

You did and pulled both your shirt and bra over your head. When you turned your attention back to Taehyung, he had taken off his boxers so he was completely naked as well. He had taken a seat on the sofa and was sliding his hand up and down his cock. Drops of pre-cum had formed on his tip, which he picked up with his thumb when he noticed your gaze and reached out to you.

“I’m clean,” he mentioned immediately, “I got tested shortly after this started with us. Just to be safe.”

You grinned, grabbing Taehyung’s wrist and encircling his thumb with your lips. He tasted slightly salty, but barely noticeable, and with your tongue you traced along his thumb. You began sucking on his finger and heard Taehyung swear under his breath before letting it slide out of your mouth with a “pop”. 

“Okay, enough of that.” He reached out a hand towards you and grabbed what he could get, which was your forearm, before pulling you towards him by it. You almost stumbled as you were pulled forward and just barely managed to brace yourself against the backrest next to Taehyung’s head. “Sorry, but I cannot wait.” He gave you an apologetic smile. 

You placed one leg on either side of Taehyung’s hips and before you had settled on his thighs, he had leaned forward and taken one of your nipples into his mouth. Shuddering, you exhaled as he circled his tongue around the sensitive bud and sucked on it. You rested your chin on the top of his head and your fingers loosened the little knots that had formed in his hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I love your body,” he said before giving your other nipple the attention it needed. “It’s perfect.” His hands traveled down your body and gripped your butt cheeks, which he kneaded. “You’re perfect.”

You reached between both your bodies to take his cock in your hand and slid forward a little. With slow movements, you lowered your hips and let him slide along between your legs.

“Oh god, Baby.” 

Taehyung was now gripping your hips to get you into a steady rhythm. His cock slid so wonderfully past your wet opening, giving just the right amount of friction to your clit. You changed the angle of your hips and the next time you moved your hips forward, his tip lightly penetrated you. 

“Fuck, wait.”

Taehyung looked to the side towards his bedroom before cursing again. 

“You’re clean you said?” you asked, and Taehyung’s head snapped toward you. 

“Yeah…”

“I have a contraceptive implant.”

His mouth shaped into an “Oh” as he understood what your statement meant – and the implications it had. 

“We don’t have to, I can get a condom too.”

You didn’t miss the way he brushed his thumbs over your sides. To reassure you, or rather himself. 

“I don’t mind if you don’t.” You tilted your head and looked at him, waiting. It was his decision now, even if you could see from his expression that he had already made it. 

Then he nodded. “But I won’t last long.”

You snorted. He’d said that once before, after you’d had a particularly long foreplay. Still, he had managed to make you come twice. 

You propped yourself up on your knees and guided his cock to your opening before sliding down on it a moment later. Each time he stretched you anew with his considerable size and you took a moment to get used to it again. Meanwhile, Taehyung stroked your back, up and down your spine, until you began moving your hips backward. 

You let him slide almost all the way out of you before moving forward again. 

“Oh, Love,” Taehyung moaned, and at the nickname, your hips stalled.

Taehyung seemed to notice his slip of the tongue as well and slightly panicked, he looked at you. 

“Love?” you repeated, letting the nickname roll off your tongue. You didn’t think it was that bad…

“Do you prefer Baby?” 

You shook your head, because the longer that one word buzzed around in your head, the more you liked the sound of it. “Love is okay.”

“Just okay then?” Taehyung grinned, the tinge of panic gone again as he noticed your relaxed reaction. “Hmmm…” He left you with the false expectation that he was thinking when he suddenly let his hips snap upward. 

You drew in your breath sharply, followed by a moan. You didn’t know how he always did it, but he managed to hit the exact point inside you each time that made your abdomen contract so tightly that the knot already seemed ready to burst. 

He held you by the hips as he pounded into you from below. He squeezed your arousal out of you with each thrust and you felt both of your excitement running down your thighs, while his hands kept you upright and in place. 

“You–you’re so… so fucking wet and–and warm,” he pressed out with effort between thrusts. 

Loudly, you moaned his name. You didn’t care if his neighbors heard you, or the people walking by on the street outside who would surely have to hear how well Taehyung was fucking you. 

You raised your head, had you watched Taehyung’s cock split you apart before, and met Taehyung’s gaze. Your lips found each other in a passionate kiss and you pulled him even closer with desperate hands. One of his hands released its grip on your hips and landed hard on your ass. Your moan was swallowed by Taehyung’s mouth as he massaged the tender area.

You let one hand slide between your legs and circled your clit with your finger. The kiss was only interrupted by your moans as you were brought closer and closer to the edge of your approaching orgasm. 

“Taehyung–”

“I got you,” you heard him say, your eyes squeezed tightly shut as the knot in your abdomen released all at once and you came, clenching hard around Taehyung’s cock. 

Taehyung thrust into you a few more times before he too paused in his movements and pulled you back onto his lap entirely. His loud breathing mingled with yours as you both tried to come down from your high. 

“Oh, you’re absolutely incredible,” Taehyung said after a while. 

Your sweaty bodies had already melted into one and you felt Taehyung slowly go limp inside you. He sighed before pressing a kiss to your temple and gently lifting you from his lap with a firm grip and laying you backwards on the sofa. 

He helped you clean yourself up, being so gentle that you didn’t even flinch as he wiped away the sticky remnant of both of your arousals. While he was putting the trash away, you grabbed your underwear and slipped them on. 

You were lifting up your T-shirt when Taehyung returned from the kitchen, a glass of water in each hand. His expression changed when he saw you getting dressed. Wordlessly, you extended a hand to him to gratefully took a glass. 

“Are you getting ready to leave?” He didn’t look at you when he asked that, but put exceptionally much focus on putting on his boxers as well.

You let him ponder for a moment longer before letting your shirt fall back to the floor. “Do you have anything more comfortable?”

Taehyung’s eyebrows drew together as he looked up. 

You nodded towards your shirt in response, which was crumpled on the floor. “Maybe sweatpants and a hoodie?”

Taehyung seemed to finally understand and his disappointed expression gave way to a relieved smile. “Sure, you want me to get you something?”

You took the few steps towards him and let your fingers dance on his bare chest. “I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie? Order some food and just wind down for the evening?”

He looked at you, the question on his mind visible all over his face. “Does that mean… you want to stay the night?”

You nodded without hesitation. “Yes, I want to stay the night, if that’s okay.”

Taehyung laughed, a hearty, deep laugh that you hadn’t heard in so long. “You bet it’s okay with me,” he answered, pulling you into a hug. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Love.”

Love. What a weird and funny little word.  

You couldn’t wait hearing it more often from now on.

. . . 

As always, if you enjoyed this story, please consider leaving me some feedback and letting me know what you think! That would mean a lot to me because I was really nervous to post this. Thank you! 💜

[kiribaku-queen]

The Blood King and his Queen [1]

Pairing: Bakugou x reader

Romance, Angst, Drama

Word count: 2.4K

Summary:  From being a mere servant girl to marrying the scariest prince in existence, your world changed right before your eyes. Exchanging places with the princess, you knew, wasn’t going to be easy. But could you have found love on the way? Or was it never meant to be?

A/N: Hello my loves! And welcome back to another, rather long, series! I had so many inspirations for this piece that I couldn’t wait to share with you all! Be warned, this might be a 20 part series, maybe more maybe less but we’ll see what happens! I hope you fall in love with this story as much as I do!

And shout out to this amazing artist for the art! I am literally BLOWN AWAY by this art! I can’t stop looking at it! It’s so amazingly well drawn. Just... yes, yes, yes! Please support this artist if you ever want art done! Pricey but just look at this art. So worth it! Check out the end of the chapter for the full image without text!

Also!!!! Check out my side blog if you’re curious about what fics I’m reading! You’ll find alot of j u i c y stuff and please support my friends by reading and commenting on their stories as well! Love <3

                                                                                                         [next]

Nothing started your morning off better than the princess screaming her head off first thing in the morning. You, along with other servants, rushed to aid the princess in her time of distress. Although, it was never something to worry about with her. It was always something minor, like her hair was styled incorrectly or she didn’t like the color of clothes her servant picked out. Of course, this time, she was making a fuss that her perfume didn’t smell right.

“Your highness, I promise you, it’s the same one,” one of the servants who aided her in the morning pleaded for her life.

“No! You must have switched it out because it smells nothing like mine!” the princess screeched. The princess was so outraged that she started throwing everything and anything that was around her. Clothes, jewelry, candles, mirrors, anything she could get her hands on, she threw it. You and the other girls that just arrived could only watch in horror as her whole room becomes a mess with her belongings, some broken some completely shattered.

You wanted to say something. But you knew you couldn’t. If you stepped out of line or even talked back to any of the royals, you were surely to be punished severely later. Yet, you wanted to say something so bad. It was on the tip of your tongue. Because you knew the reason why it may smell different to the princess. To help your fellow friend in desperate need, you were going to say it. You pray to the gods that what you were about to say was right.

“Princess, if I may,” you started. The princess stopped what she was doing, midair, to give you the coldest stare you have ever received from her. You gulped. Well, too late to back out now. You bowed down your head respectfully while extending your hand to take the perfume. You don’t know why the princess decided to trust you at that moment, but she did. She nodded her head, allowing one of the servants to retrieve the bottle and place it in the palm of your hands.

“I believe it’s because your clothes already have a different perfume on it.” you explain. You pick up a different piece of clothing, one you knew was clean and free from previous scents, and spritzed the perfume onto it. “Here, does this smell like normal?” you offer the piece of clothing to the princess. For a moment, she stares at it, not believing your words. But she forcibly takes it anyway and smells it. The look of realization hit her harder than when she smashed her mirror against the floor. She spares you a second glance before handing off her perfume to someone and faces away.

“I would like to be left alone,” the princess states. After a synchronized bow from all her servants, you left the princess’s quarters and back to your own. When you were far enough, you let out a big sigh of relief. Man, that was scary. You probably shouldn’t be doing that again any time soon. Your friend hooked arms with you, the unexpected force made you loose your balance.

“Your intuition was spot on, once again,” she stated. You could only roll your eyes.

“I was just trying to help the situation,” you explained.

“Yeah, well if only the princess could use her brain once in a while, then she would have figured it out herself,” your friend puffed out her cheeks in annoyance.

“Well maybe her highness wasn’t feeling herself this morning,” you tried to defend her. But really, there was only so much you could defend her on.

“Oh, please, (y/n). You know that’s how she acts all the time. You act more like a princess than the princess herself,” your friend finally let the cat out of the bag. You quickly slapped her hand and checked your surroundings. Phew, no one of importance was in sight.

“Oh hush now. Don’t say things like that,” you scold her, giving her a stern look.

“What? You know all us girls think that. It doesn’t help that you look almost exactly like her. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought you were the princess instead.”

“Good gracious! Really? How could you say that so loud? What if someone overhears you? Then both you and me could get in trouble,” you warned. You knew your friend couldn’t care less. It was always gossip coming out of these girl’s mouths. That’s how news spreads fast around here. And you didn’t mind the gossip. Actually, you participated in the gossip too. There was a lot of downtime when you weren’t attending to the princess. So what do you do instead? Gossip. But you couldn’t have this type of gossip going around. This was dangerous.

The main girl who caused the princess to get upset, finally left the room. She was visibly traumatized by the whole event. Who wouldn’t be? Dealing with the princess is something else.

You noticed that the girl was bleeding from her finger. She must have gotten it when the princess was throwing glass around the room and it some pieces cut her.

“Come with me,” you gently grabbed her by the arm and led her to a room that was filled with different plants and bottles. The aroma immediately felt welcoming to anyone who stepped in. You went to a part of the room that you knew well and pulled out a bandage.

“This should do the trick,” you say as you finish wrapping her finger up.

“Thank you. How did you…”

“Oh, I learned a few things from the royal doctor. Sort of like an apprentice?” you explained. Being a servant isn’t the only task you knew how to do. On your spare time, you would come to the royal doctor and assist him whenever needed. In return for your volunteer, he taught you everything he knew about medicine. It was still a lot to process, but at least you knew how to do basic first aid.

“Are you even allowed to do that?” the girl asked. You thought for a minute. Was it? It wasn’t stopping you now.

“Well I guess it’s our little secret,” you put your finger to your mouth and gave a small wink.

After properly getting ready, you and the girls rushed to the princess’s side for it was your job to get her ready to be sent of and wedded. And she was not getting wedded off to just any prince. It was the rumored Blood Prince. Ah, yes. You heard much about this Blood Prince. He was the most vicious out of all the princes in the kingdom. Even more so than his eldest brothers. He was rumored to have sharp teeth and eyes that could kill with a single look. He was told to have scars marked all over his body from the battlefield. An ugly being, you imagined. Big, scary, intimidating, ruthless. God, you felt sorry for the princess for marrying such a man. You couldn’t imagine yourself marrying that type of person. Hearing stories about him made your blood run cold and chills down your spine.

You entered the princess’s room where a beautiful, white wedding dress, flowy, magnificent and perfect in all the right ways, was being fitted on the princess. You watched in awe because she looked absolutely fantastical in the dress. What a dream it would to be wear that dress only once in your life. At the same time her dress was being fitted, some servants were doing her hair and putting decorative pins and head pieces on. It was very chaotic in the room, with servants running everywhere, but it was all worth it for the princess to look this way.

You were preparing water for her hands and feet to soak while some of the girls that came with you were deciding which robe that best fits with her wardrobe.

“Your highness looks so lovely,” you commented, gently soaking her hands into warm bowls of water.

“Of course! I have to look my best for a special guest this afternoon,” the princess said in a cheery voice. You tilted your head slightly in confusion. You weren’t aware that the Blood Prince was coming to the palace. You thought the princess was being sent to him instead. You looked up and came into contact with a friend and she was speaking with her eyes.

She doesn’t know. She signaled to you. You frowned.

She doesn’t know?

She does not know.

Your mouth was left slightly ajar. The princess does not know that she is off to be engaged any moment now? This was a dilemma. She thinks a guest is coming. That’s why she’s dressed so much fancier than usual. But when she finds out that she is to be engaged, she’s going to wreck havoc in the palace. Now you really didn’t dare say anything now.

After finding out that very important piece of information, you could see that all the girls in the room knew, besides the princess. The tension in the room was growing increasingly more uncomfortable as time went on. But the princess was so air headed that she couldn’t read the room.

The princess was over the moon with happiness. And it was only because she could wear her fancy and expensive gowns that she can’t wear on the daily. She was skipping down the long corridors, humming a tune to only she knows as you and other servants follow behind her.

“Isn’t this dress beautiful? I feel like I’m in a wedding dress!” the princess exclaimed. You couldn’t help but raise a brow. Well, it’s because the princess is really in a wedding dress. But the princess did look beautiful beyond compare. She almost looked ethereal dancing in front of you like that. As the princess was dancing down the corridor, she passed by one of many large windows that gave a view of the front of the palace. A carriage was waiting to take her away to her fiancé, but she didn’t know that. Or did she?

She stopped in her tracks to take a better look at the carriage outside. A frown laid upon her lips and her eyebrows rightfully furrowed.

“Is that my carriage down there?” she questions. The ladies around you looked at each other, not knowing what to say. But even if they did know what to say, who was going to say it? One of your friends cleared their throat and bowed down to respond to the princess.

“It is, your highness,” she said.

“Whatever for?” a round of gulps could be heard from everyone there.

“For…your trip to your betrothed,” the girl’s voice shook from fear that the princess was going to blow up.

“My betrothed?” the princess repeated.

“Yes, your highness.”

“As in, to marry?”

“Yes, your highness.”

It was quiet. Nothing more came out of the princess’s mouth. And that scared all of you. This was not the normal reaction you were expecting. You expected her highness to rage, cry, scream, yell, destroy everything around her. But no. She was silent, like her tongue was ripped out of her throat.

In one quick movement, the princess turns around and dashes back to her bedroom. And who does she bring along? You! Before you could comprehend anything, the princess had taken you by the hand and now you were running down the corridor with the princess. The other ladies were running after you. When you turned back to look, you even saw a couple of guards running as well. But it was too late for them. The princess got to her room first, slammed the door closed, and barricaded the door with chairs to prevent anyone from coming inside.

“Your highness,” you call, out of breath from the sudden running. The princess didn’t answer you. She started taking off her dress, sending you into complete shock.

“Your highness! What are you doing?” you panicked. She only glared at you while not stopping what she was doing.

“Enough talking. Just take off your clothes,” she ordered you. You bit your lip. You had no idea what was going on but if she demanded it, then you had no choice but to obey. So, you stripped yourself of your filthy clothes and laid them on the floor. While you stood in front of the princess naked, she was getting the remaining of her clothes off. Then, she passed you her dress.

“Quick, put it on,” she said. You hesitated at first. You? Wear something only a princess could wear? But you couldn’t stall any longer. As quickly as you could, you put on the flowy wedding dress while the princess put on your peasant clothes. Banging was coming from the other side of the door, which only made both of you panic even more. If they came in while all this was happening, you would get into so much trouble. As soon as you both got situated in your new outfits, the princess gripped your shoulders so that you were looking her right in the eyes.

“Listen to me closely. You are going to take my place. I’ll be you and you’ll be me until you come back,” she shouted at you in a whisper.

“Your highness?” you began but she shut you up because she wasn’t finished.

“Your mission is to make this prince hate you so much that he calls off this marriage. Then you’ll return and everything will go back to normal,” she continued. It looked like she wanted to say more, but your time together was cut short. The guards had already pushed their way through the door and charging their way towards you. The princess, who was now dressed as you, quickly covered your face with the veil. The veil was thick enough that no one could see your eyes or face.

“Take the princess,” one of the guards ordered. The real princess bowed her head down, faking it until the end. The guards went straight up to you, grabbing you by both of your arms and forcibly escorted you out to the carriage.

And so there you were, on your way to some unknown kingdom, about to marry some man you didn’t even know. All because the princess ordered you to. No matter how much you hated the idea, you couldn’t even voice your opinions to her. You were in no position to do so. Before you left the palace grounds, you looked back, hoping that this was all some sort of sick joke. But the princess was looking down at you from the window, giving you a nod of trust. She trusted you. You had to fulfil her request.

This is how you found yourself in the presence of the most vicious Blood Prince, Bakugou Katsuki.

A/N: Let me know if you want to be put on a tag list! And leave your thoughts below about the first chapter! What did you think so far? How do you think the story is going to go? What did you think about the art? Speaking of art, here is the full image unedited! Are you in love with it just as much as I am?

[procrastinatingnerd]

Hi everyone! So this was my first time taking part in the @osemanversebigbang but I had so much fun!! I can't wait to read everyone's entries! 💜

Title: Angel Rahimi And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Lunch Break

Characters: Angel, Juliet, Rowan, Jimmy, Lister, Bliss, two of Angel’s future uni friends (OCs).

Spoilers? Minor spoilers of important events in “I Was Born For This”.

Word Count: 3.6k

Ships: Bicci, one joke about Juliet/Rowan.

~Joan of Arc (Probably)

“I am so fucking tired”

“Right, time’s up, put your pens down.” The exam officer says from the front of the room. I scribble one last sentence before my hand gives out, and I all but throw my pen onto the desk, sighing as dramatically as I can. This week is a fucking nightmare. Exams and assignments are the piss. Fuck uni, I’m ready to drop out. Or drop dead. Either works, honestly.

As I leave the exam hall, I walk past some people from the students’ union. They’re handing out flyers for the Christmas ball next week. My housemates are all planning on going, but my friends and I planned our present swap for that night, so we’re going to spend it eating a fuck ton of snacks and watching the cheesiest Christmas films we can find. I can’t wait, I bought them each a bag of their favourite sweets from the American candy shop, it's going to be so much fun!

But that’s next week. Right now, all I want is to sit at a table that doesn’t have an exam paper on it, and eat something very greasy and very unhealthy. There’s a pizza place just on the edge of campus, run by some of the culinary arts students, and they make the best sauce ever. It’s pretty cheap too, which makes it a favourite for most people, especially at the end of a semester, when everyone’s bank accounts are running low.

I have about an hour until I need to be back in the exam hall, so I take full advantage of the outdoor seating and collapse into a chair after ordering. My pizza is brought out to me not long after, and I breathe in the smell. Nothing has smelt more gorgeous than the slices sitting in front of me. It’s a surprisingly warm day, for December at least, and for a moment, everything feels calm. I can hear a bird singing in a tree somewhere, other students are hanging around campus, most with their noses in their phones or in textbooks, and I actually let myself relax for a bit. I’ve done all the revision I can for this next exam, and I’m in desperate need of a break. I deserve this.

I pick up my first slice of pizza, and bring it up to my mouth. As I’m about to take a bite, however, my phone rings. I put the pizza down with a sigh and answer the phone without looking at who’s calling. Mum probably sensed I wasn’t doing any work, and is calling to check up on me.

“Hello?” I say tiredly.

“Angel, hi! Is this a good time??” I grin at the sound of Juliet’s voice.

“Hell yeah, it’s a perfect time! What’s up?”

“Wait, you don’t know why I’m calling?” Juliet says hesitantly. Shit. What have I forgotten now? I know it’s not her birthday. Wait, is it mine?? I swear exams rot your brain, have I actually forgotten my own birthday?

“No…?” I ask after internally monologuing for way too long.

“Oh my god, you don’t know??” Juliet screeches in my ear, “Angel go look at your phone, it’s urgent!”

Now very concerned, I put Juliet on speaker and, for the first time all morning, actually read the notifications filling my lock screen. I open the Twitter news one, and my mouth drops open in shock.

“Holy shit.”

On my screen is a news article with a headline that reads, “THE ARK’S JIMMY KAGA-RICCI AND LISTER BIRD’S SECRET RELATIONSHIP EXPOSED”, and just below it sits a large photo of Jimmy and Lister, standing outside a pub, kissing. I don’t believe it.

“Holy fu- Hold on a second. Mate, isn’t that the pub by Piero’s house?!” I say, bringing my phone as close to my face as I can, as if that’ll help me see better. There’s a loud shuffling noise on the other end of the line, and then I hear a gasp.

“Oh my god, you’re right!” Juliet says. “Rowan said they were going on holiday, but I thought he meant abroad or something.” I smile at that. Ever since our little jaunt to Kent last summer, Juliet and I have kept in touch with the boys. We even have a group chat now; us and them and even Bliss is in it. I’m so glad we stayed friends.

At first, Rowan was really quiet, and if he did speak he and Juliet would almost always end up arguing, but they’ve been getting along quite well lately. I’m not saying I ship it or anything, I’ve learnt my lesson there, but I have to say, fangirl-to enemies-to lovers would make a wicked fanfiction trope.

“Did you see any of this coming?” Juliet continues. “Surely Jimmy would have said something to you?”

“He said he was dating someone, but didn’t want to give details because they were taking things slow. Well, that and that celebrity phone hacking scandal freaked him right the fuck out, remember?” I say.

"That's

right, he stopped talking on the group chat for like two weeks, didn’t he?” Juliet giggles back. “Well, nevertheless, I’m happy for them. They’re cute together.”

“Yeah, they are.” I grin again. “Oh my god, poor Rowan though! I’d hate to live with a couple, especially a new one! It’d be nauseating.”

“Oh I know, right? And imagine what’ll happen when they have their first fight!” Juliet gasps again. I shudder at the thought.

“I’m muting the group chat when that happens.” I joke.

“Not a bad idea.” Juliet laughs back, then pauses. “Oh, Angel, I’m sorry I’ve got the get going, but do you want to skype later?”

“Yeah, no problem! I’ve got a revision session at 6, but I should be free by 9ish?”

“Sounds perfect! See you then!” Juliet says, and with that, she’s gone, and I’m back to sitting alone with my pizza.

Jimmy and Lister. Holy shit. I don’t think anyone in the fandom saw this coming. Everything has been about Jowan, since the fandom started growing it’s the only ship that ever existed. No one bothered writing fics about any other pairings. The only Jimmy/Lister fics I ever came across were platonic ones, and even they made sure to mention Jimmy’s boyfriend Rowan.

Oh god, I hope they’re okay. The fans got so crazy when Bliss and Rowan’s relationship was exposed. Jimmy/Lister is the final nail in the Jowan coffin. Jimmy must be having the panic attack of his life! I’ve got to-

My phone rings again.

I look down at the screen, and see Jimmy’s name. I take a deep breath, and answer.

“Jimmy, hi! How are-”

“Have you seen it??”

“Yes.”

“Oh god. This isn’t how we wanted to tell you guys.”

“You sure? Because getting caught by the national press worked so well for you last time.” I tease. Silence. Oops, probably not the best thing to remind him of right now.

“Jimmy, you still there?” I say carefully. There’s a slight rustle on his end, which means he probably just nodded. “Everything is going to be fine, I promise. The fans will move on. They already did with Jowan, right?”

“But what if something happens again? Something like-”

“It won’t. You guys have better security now, and you’re doing less public events. You’re going to be fine.” I hope and pray that I’m saying the right things. Jimmy and I have gotten close lately, but I’m nowhere near as good at helping him deal with his anxiety as Rowan and Lister are. There’s more silence, until finally, Jimmy speaks again.

“Okay. Yeah. Yeah I think you’re right. Thanks, Angel.”

“Course I’m right! If there’s one thing I know, it’s fandom drama.” Jimmy laughs, and I grin back. “And don’t forget, you’re not alone in this. This is happening to Lister too, and no doubt Rowan and Bliss will be there to help you. Just talk to them.”

“Thank you Angel, I’ll go do that now.”

“Perfect! Love you Jim, I’ll text you later.” I say, and the call ends.

He’ll be okay. He’s got too many people who love him not to be. I take another breath and put my phone down on the table. As soon as I do, however, it buzzes again, and I see Jimmy is trying to facetime me. Now very concerned, I answer it and hold the phone up so he can see my face properly.

“Jimmy, are you okay, what’s happened??” I ask anxiously, but he looks fine. He looks at me with a confused expression.

“Nothing, I’m just talking to the others, like you said.” He says. It’s only me and him on the call. I stare at him in silence for a moment.

“Jimmy, mate… I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not any of them” I say slowly, and to my surprise, Jimmy laughs.

“Yeah I know, but I was kind of hoping to have you here, too, if that’s okay?” He says sheepishly. “It’s okay if you’re busy, it’s just that… I don’t know, you’re good with this stuff and you make me feel calm? Sorry, I know that’s a lot to just dump on you.” Jimmy doesn’t look at me directly, and I start to feel tears in my eyes.

“Well damn, Jim, I guess if you truly love me that much, I can stick around for a bit.” I laugh, and quickly glance at the time. “My lunch break is only halfway over, anyway, so I have plenty of time to hang out while you talk to the others.”

Jimmy seems to let out a breath, like he’d been holding it, and grins.

Just as I’m about to start talking again, I hear a ping, and Lister’s face appears on screen, followed by Rowan and Bliss.

“Hey Jimjam, you okay?” Rowan asks, looking as calm as ever. “Oh hey Angel.” He adds. I give him an awkward smile.

“Wait, Angel's here?” Bliss interrupts before Jimmy can answer. “Nice, how’s the week from hell going? Didn’t think we’d hear from you until you’d made it through.”

“Yeah it’s rough, but I’m getting there. This is a welcome distraction though.” I grin at her.

“So you’ve seen the pictures then. They look good, right?” Lister chimes in, before correcting himself. “I mean, it’s horrible they found us, fucking pricks, but you’ve got to admit we look good.”

“You can be so self-centred sometimes.” Bliss laughs.

“Come on Lister, this isn’t a joke.” Rowan chides him.

“Well, I guess he isn’t wrong..” Jimmy mumbles nervously and I see him smile a bit.

“See, Jimmy agrees with me!” Lister argues back at Rowan, who rolls his eyes.

“It’s still not something to laugh about.” Rowan says firmly. “Cecily’s already on damage control, cancelling some events, beefing up the security at others, and giving the tabloids hell. She’s also let your grandad know, Jimmy.”

“Wait, aren’t you guys all down there already?” I ask, confused.

“Nah we got back last night. That picture was taken when we went out for lunch the other day. Took their time printing it.” Lister says.

“Probably needed time to pad out their articles. Seriously, how can they write so many pages about two people dating?” Bliss adds.

“Probably whining about how Jowan is now well and truly dead.” Rowan rolls his eyes again. “Although I have to say, I’m pretty happy about that part.” I cringe slightly as he says that. I will never not regret being one of the Jowan fangirls.

“So Cecily’s already got a plan? That’s good, that’s a bit of a relief.” Jimmy speaks up, looking visibly more relaxed than he had sounded over the phone earlier.

“Yeah she’s got it sorted, so we can start planning our Christmas party!” Lister says, making the others groan.

“Lister what the hell makes you think we should be throwing a massive fucking party right now?!” Rowan says, his voice growing louder. Lister goes quiet, looking like he wants to shrink into his seat, before eventually speaking up again.

“Look, it doesn’t have to be anything big, I just mean… Angel, you’re gonna be in London with Juliet, right? Come over, drag Bliss with you, Jimmy can invite his grandad, Rowan you can bring Jade, and there you go, that’s our party!”

“That’s...actually a good idea.” Rowan says, surprised.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun!” Jimmy adds.

“I’m up for it, Angel, do you think Juliet will wanna come?” Bliss says.

“Hell yeah she would, let’s do it!” I reply with a massive smile on my face. Partying with Bliss and the boys sounds like the best way to spend my Christmas London trip. I’ll make sure to tell Juliet about it when I talk to her later. As I start planning all the food I’m going to bring over, and wondering what the boys’ flat will look like at Christmas, the conversation starts up again.

“You sure you’re doing alright, Jimmy? I can come back home if you need me to.” Rowan says, focusing things on the issue at hand again.

“No no, don’t worry, stay with your family. They’d kill me if I made you miss out on spending time with them.” Jimmy jokes. “I’ve got Lister here, and Cecily’s number if I need it. My head isn’t giving me too much grief right now, anyway.”

“Wait, Lister, you’re there with him?” Bliss asks.

“Yeah, check it out!” Lister says, before picking up his phone and moving. He takes us out of what I think was his room, through a hallway and comes out into a large living room, where we can see Jimmy on a sofa looking at his phone. “Say hi to the chat, Jim!”

Everyone laughs as Jimmy gives an awkward wave to Lister’s phone. Lister then hangs up and launches himself into view of Jimmy’s screen, and the two shuffle about until they’re practically sitting on top of each other, faces

squished together so the tiny phone camera captures them both. I hate how cute they look together.

“Alright, if you’re sure, Jimmy,” Rowan says, smiling for probably the first time this whole call.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Jimmy smiles back. “This whole situation is terrifying, and I’m more than ready to hide in my room and not see another mad fangirl for the rest of my life, but... if I did that we’d never get to hang out with Angel again.” He finishes, biting his lip as if unsure of whether or not the joke will hit.

“Uh..ouch!” I clap my hand on top of my heart dramatically and laugh, while the others join in. “I’ll have you know I’ve abandoned my fangirl ways. Mostly. Sort of. Okay, not completely but I’m not shipping real people anymore, so that’s something, right?!”

Lister is giving Jimmy a look of what I can only assume is pride for making a decent joke during a time of peak anxiety, Rowan has his head in his hands, probably contemplating his life choices now that Lister seems to be rubbing off on Jimmy, and Bliss still looks shocked that such a joke came out of Jimmy’s mouth, not Lister’s. When things calm down again, I check the time and speak up again.

“Well this has been fun Jim, but I’m afraid I have mad fangirl duties to be getting back to. Shrines to build, fanfiction to write, you know how it is.” I say sarcastically.

“Thanks again, Angel, for being here, and listening. And you’d better be right about that fandom drama.” Jimmy laughs again, although this time I see his smile falter a bit.

“Hey, look at me,” I say, moving as close to the screen as I can without squishing my face on it. “Things will settle down before you know it, in the meantime, we’re all here for you. You’re not alone in this.” Rowan and Bliss nod in agreement, and I see Lister hug Jimmy closer. Jimmy takes a breath and nods as well.

“Thanks Angel. And good luck with your exam. We’ll see you over the holidays.” He smiles.

“Yeah you got this Angel, go smash it!” Bliss chimes in, giving me a thumbs up and a grin. I say one last goodbye to them all, and hang up.

I look back down at my pizza, still uneaten. I need to stop letting myself get distracted during phone calls. I can eat and talk to my friends at the same time. I’m usually a master at it.

“Fereshteh!” I look up again. Either I’m going loony, or someone just said-

“FERESHTEH!” I turn around and see Mollie and Christina barrelling towards me, with the most excitement I’ve ever seen on a students’ face during exam season. They crash into my table and both start talking at once.

“Have you seen??”

“Did you know??”

“How long have they been together?!”

“Oh my god is this why you won’t tell us about what happened in Kent?!”

“Woah, easy on the interrogation! Seriously, you guys need to work on your interview skills.” I put my hands up in surrender and laugh. Mollie rolls her eyes at me.

“So? Did they tell you or what?” She asks again. I roll my eyes back at her.

“You know I don’t want to tell you guys anything about the boys. They trust me, and I’m not going to fuck that up because of some shit a tabloid prints.”

“How dare you appeal to our morality and ethics, we want gossip dammit!” Christina giggles, lightly banging her fist down on the table.

“Then stick to the Twitter pages.” I stick my tongue out at her. Mollie and Christina are two of my housemates, and are part of the Ark fandom. I never planned on telling them about Kent, but they figured out who I was thanks to the pictures of me and Jimmy on the train. I didn’t think you could tell it was me, but fangirls are like master detectives. They figured it out in less than a week. They haven’t told anyone though, they’re good mates.

“So how are you feeling about all of this? Whether you knew or not, having it out in the press like this is a lot to handle, especially after last time.” Mollie says, now in serious mode.

“It is a lot, definitely, but they’ll be fine. They’ve had this happen before and they know what to expect from the fans. I just wish I could be there for them.” I say, sitting back in my chair.

“I get

that, it must suck that you guys are so far apart now.” Christina chimes in.

“I mean it’s not like we ever lived close to each other before. The only reason we even crossed paths over the summer was because I was staying with a friend. But yeah, being away from them all is kind of hard sometimes.” I sigh dramatically, making Mollie and Christina grin.

“Are you going to visit them over Christmas?” Christina asks.

“I’m definitely going to visit my friend in London again, for a day or two, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to see the boys.” I quickly lie. “They cut back on public events but they’re still really busy most of the time. And this,” I gesture to my phone “definitely won’t help.”

“We’ll keep an eye on fandom updates for you, and try to shut any mentions of Jowan down,” Mollie says, reaching across the table and giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I squeeze hers back and give her a grateful smile. I mostly stopped interacting with the fandom after meeting the boys, reading fanfiction, and discussing theories with other fans just feels weird and creepy to do when the people you’re talking about are your friends. So it’s nice that I have Mollie and Christina looking out for them, and doing what I can’t. Christina has a pretty big following on Tumblr, and Mollie’s a Twitter ace, so I trust them to hold their ground with the fandom.

“Okay, you don’t have to give us any details, but genuinely, what do you think of Lister and Jimmy as a couple? Because I don’t think the fandom could handle a breakup.” Christina says after a while, making me laugh.

“Pfft, yeah I don’t think the boys could handle a breakup, either.” I smile. “But honestly? I think they’ll be good for each other. Lister is good at helping Jimmy relax and step out of his anxiety bubble, and Jimmy can help reign in Lister’s chaotic energy. Plus they’re freaking cute together, I mean just look at this picture!” I finish, gesturing dramatically to my phone again.

“They are so cute!” Mollie nods in agreement. “I’m actually shocked no one thought to ship them together before.”

“That’s the Jowan storm, for you,” Christina adds. “Can’t believe we ever shipped that.”

“So gross.” I shudder at the thought. Suddenly the alarm I’d set this morning went off, making us all jump.

“What’s that?” Mollie asks. I check the screen and practically leap out of my seat.

“Oh shit, my exam starts in 10 minutes!” I say, gathering my stuff up as quickly as I can. I say my goodbyes to Mollie and Christina and start running back across campus to the exam hall.

I make it just in time, much to the invigilator’s chagrin, check my bag in at the desk at the back of the hall, and collapse into my assigned seat. The exam starts, and it’s only when it does that my stomach reminds me that I never actually ate lunch. Shit.

I start to silently scold myself for being so stupid, when my mind starts drifting to the video chat with Jimmy and the others. He and Lister looked so comfortable with each other. Makes sense, they've known each other for so long. But even still, Jimmy looked so much happier once Lister sat down with him, and Lister himself practically seemed at home with Jimmy’s arms wrapped around him. I smile at my exam paper.

I’m so happy for them.

[sailorhyunjinz]

~ 𝕋𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 ~

Part I

© sailorhyunjinz 2021; Rights Reserved

All picture rights to their respective owners.

ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥: Photographer!hyunjin, fem!model!reader, manager!Bangchan, stylist!Jisung, agedup!straykids, SMUT IN LATER PARTS, fluff, character driven story, strangers to lovers, summer au, mentions of insecurity, love at first sight.

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 3,5 k  

ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖: I have never written a series before so please understand if it’s lacking heh... and yes the title does relate to the kooks song with the same title so do give it a listen because it’s really good and fits the story c: 

also this starts slowly LMAO MORE FUN THINGS ARE COMING UP I SWEAR <33

If you have any feedback I’m more than happy to receive it! <3

Taking pictures of you - MASTERLIST

ONE｜TWO｜THREE

Working as a model was not easy. The complaining managers and the expectations by others was too much to handle. Heck, even getting to the shooting locations was a hastle most of the time. 

You tilted your head against the window in the backseat of the taxi. It was a calm august wednesday. The late summer breeze made it’s way into the cab thorugh the window that was opened on the drivers side. Your phone screen lit up, multiple notification from Instagram. 

“omg! slay bbygrl”

“her face is crazy pretty”

“beautiful”

You’ve heard these words too many times. If you’re told the same thing over and over again they eventually mean nothing. You scrolled through the other comments on your latest instagram post, a photo from your last photoshoot. A picture of you lying in a bed of white flowers, your skin glowing and your body covered by a white sheer dress that accentuated your neck. It’s not a bad photo but was I really worth the attention? “There are a thousands of other girls way prettier than me.” you though and with a sulken expression you watched life run by outside the window. 

15 minutes later you arrived at your agency. You smiled your model smile at the taxi driver to which he smiled back and responded: “My pleasure, miss y/n”.

A big shadow was cast from the building in which the modeling agency was. The beige renaissance building was surrounded by green bushes and a black fence. The big oak entryway had golden lion knockers and an ingraved golden sign. “Eccellente Modeling Agency” it said with bold black letters, contrasting nicely with the gold plate. You rang the doorbell next to the sign and in a matter of seconds the oak gates opened with a loud creak.

“Y/n!! You look stunning as always!” said your manager Bangchan as he hugged you. The smell of his aftershave violated your olfactory sense as usual, making you scrunch your nose. He was always dressed business casual, his white polo shirt and light brown dress pants being a good example but today his poloshirt had a great amount of buttons unbuttoned. 

The both of you made your way into his office. A room with a high ceiling and a chandelier worth more than your career. You sat down in the leather couch across the desk, Bangchan sitting on the other side of it. 

“Give me a moment.... Just pulling up some files for the new photoshoot I’ve planned! I promise, you’re not gonna be disappointed.” he says smiling, the desktop screen reflecting in his brown eyes.

He turns his computer screen towards you. Your eyes scan the pictures that pop up. 

“May I present to you the profile of Hwang Hyunjin. One of the most renowned photographers of this age”. Bangchan looks at you, reading your expression. 

The pictures are truly beautiful. Everything, from the outfits to the lightning was perfect.

“Bangchan, you’re insane” you say, smiling widely as you made eye contact with the dark haired manager. “These pictures are so stunning!” you squeal. “How did you even get in contact with him?”

“Nothing for you to worry about y/n, I have my contacts. I’m a manager after all”. He scoffs whilst scrolling through the profile. The next picture getting better than the previous one.

“So... when is the shoot and what concept have you planned?” you say whilst your eyes are glued to the computer screen. 

“Mr, Hwang works for a multitude of companies but Styliz needed a model for their new pastel collection which I immedietly snatched onto. We all know how beautiful you look in pastels y/n” he said attentively to which you smiled, adoring the interest he has for his work. 

“Oh.. I also cheked your schedule and you seem free tomorrow so how about then?” he added. 

“Yes! I’d love too” you said with a small nod.

“Not that you have much choice, Mr Hwang’s time is worth gold y/n” he laughed and reached for something in his cabinet drawers.

“Here, take this” he said while sliding over a light grey business card.

‘Hwang Hyunjin, Photographer’ was written in dark grey letters. A black border decorating the edges of the card.

♡

The morning sun shined thorugh the curtains blinding you temporarily. You felt after your phone on the nightstand with you hand, your eyes still closed. ‘8:05 am’ the screen showed against the background picture of your family.

You missed them, moving to a different city across the country at the young age of 18 was scary. You’ve aged, that’s for sure but you still missed them dearly. Dragging your lifeless body to the shower you hope for a day with happiness whilst the warm water hits your bare skin. It was a big day after all. A photoshoot with photographer Hwang Hyunjin. “Me... on Hyunjins work? It must be a dream...” you thought, grabbing the towel hanging on the cold, silver rack.

You dryed off your thick hair with a light pink towel with one hand whilst the other hand held your phone. “I have to look at his photos again” you thought, tapping on the Instagram icon and typing “Hwang Hyunjin” in the search bar, hoping and praying that his work was published on the social media platform.

“@ photographerHwang” was the first result to pop up and you tapped it instantly being just as surprised as you were yesterday of the beauty that his photos carried. Bumping into the table on your way to the kitchen you noticed a different photo on his feed. It didn’t look like any of the other photos because it was a selfie. You dropped your towel on the floor. No... it can’t be him... or could it?

His face looked like a work of art. Not only was the photo nicely edited with warm light emitting from your screen but the person was even more eyecatching. “It’s probably one of his models” you though as you placed your phone on the kitchen counter and grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge.

But what if it’s really him?

♡

You threw on a grey hoodie and biker shorts before you flew out to the taxi waiting for you outside the apartment. 

“Sorry for keeping you waiting sir! Here!” you said while panting, quickly pulling up a text message you got from Bangchan sharing the location of the photoshoot. 

“Please, Miss y/n! No need to apologize” laughed the middle aged taxi driver softly. You were now on your way to the shoot. 

Your brain was scattered. One part of you hoped that Mr Hwang really was the boy you saw on his instagram. His long, blond locks slightly covering his sharp jaw. His skin clear as day and rosy lips plump like two rose petals. The other part shut everything down, convinced that it’s one of his models that happened to be to your liking. 

You opened his instagram page again. 

“He must be famous for his perfect features...” you said under your breath, staring at his lips.

The whole taxi ride was filled with thoughts of him, whoever he was. 

“Soon there miss y/n” the taxi driver said after 10 minutes of driving. The taxi slowed down and looking outside the window you saw Bangchan standing infront of a building that looked similar to the agency building. You waved slightly and he waved back at you.

You turned around to the driver and said; “Thank you so much sir”, giving him a generous tip and exiting the vehicle. A warm breeze latches on to you, making your hair flutter in the motions of the wind.

“Y/n! Perfectly on time” Bangchan said and hugged you.

You hugged him back, asking him about his day so far to which he responded;

“Good but going to be even better after this legendary photoshoot is done and we have the most perfect photos taken by the most influential photographer!” he sounded like a little child in a candy shop.

Your ears heated up due to his words and you smiled slightly.

“Let’s go to the second floor and get your outfit and makeup ready. A introduction with Styliz manager won’t be needed since he already knows your delightful personality” he laughed at his corny remarks and you did the same.

“You seem even more excited than me” you remarked, pressing the elevator button.

“When you see the end result you will be floored” Bangchan said and winked at you. 

The elevator clanged. “Second floor”. The metal doors slided open. The eyes of a dozen stylists and makeup artists caught onto you. A slightly potbellied man in a navy colored suit approached you.

“Y/n! I’m so happy to see work with you again.” His voice was hoarse due to his age but his personality being the total opposite. You knew him well since Styliz’s chief was one of the first to offer you a modeling job in a foreign city, you only being a teenager with a big dreams at the time.

“Mr. Styliz! It’s lovely to meet you again” you smiled and sat down in a makeup chair, a girl with blond hair and big hoop earrings starting to brush powder across your nose. You saw Bangchans figure leave behind a door in the reflection of the mirror. 

“Mr. Styliz, might I ask you a question?” You regretted the words as soon as the came out of your mouth. You didn’t need more information about the mysterious boy you saw on Hwang’s instagram page but you simply had to know who is was. 

“Well of course y/n” said Mr. Styliz, his warm breath touched your cheek as he stood right by your side, smelling of morning coffee and looking at you through the mirror. 

“Could I please get more information about Mr.Hwang?” you said, making eye contact with the old man. 

“y/n, you’ll meet him soon! Then you can ask him how much you would like about his life but I must warn you... He is quite the secretive type”. The coffee breath was accentuated as he laughed.

You tried to play along, laughing a fake laugh as the hair designer started to brush out your locks. A wave of embarrassment washed through you. 

The lights of the makeup mirror were getting hot, tiny sweat drops beading on your forehead which the makeup artist wiped off. 

“We are done, Miss y/n” said the makeup artist, her earrings reflecting the light in the studio. You thanked her and saw Bangchan standing at the door where the cameras were. 

“y/n, not much time left. Please go down the hallway and into the second door on your left, the stylist is in there fixing your outfit”. One reason as to why you loved Bangchan as your manager was his calm temper. Even in a time crunch, he always made sure to talk to you in a serene tone. After years in the modeling industry you still couldn’t get used to the ill-tempered staff. Too many times you had been forcefully dragged down corridors and streets whilst they muttered swear words at you. Even thinking about it sends shivers down your spine. 

Your shoes tapped the white linoleum as you made your way down the narrow hallway, knocking on the second door to your left just as Bangchan said. 

A familiar voice said; “Come in!” to which you turned the golden doorknob on  the white wooden door. The tall figure was rummaging in a big plastic container filled with clothes but upon your arrival the figure greeted you with warm eyes. 

“No way!! It’s y/n!” screeched Jisung. He pulled you in to a hug, his belt buckle hit your stomach through the grey hoodie. 

Jisung was a stylist and worked closely with Mr. Styliz therefore you’d gotten close to him. Not only did you like him for his exquisite fashion sense which had a whole different concept each time you saw him but also for his friendliness, always being polite. 

“I’ve missed you so much Jisungie” you said with a pout. 

“I though it was onesided but I guess not haha”

“Don’t be silly! How could I not miss that smile of your Sungie?” you hit him playfully on the arm to which he blushed. 

“Go behind that  and I’ll throw some clothes for you.” he pointed at the wooden divider standing in the corner of the white room filled with clothes racks and colorful clothing. 

You started undressing behind the divider and suddenly a pile of clothing was thrown on your head over the divider. You heard Jisung snicker at the yelp that came out of your mouth as you drowned in the clothes

“Jisung, you are so dead when I’m done” you said whilst putting on the last details to the outfit.

“I’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry” he said pleadingly while laughing hysterically. 

You stood on the podium infront of the full lenght mirrors in the room as Jisung observed you and pinned the clothes slightly. 

“Not gonna lie, it’s looks really good on you. The pastels matches perfectly with your skintone.” Jisung looked on the pleaded white skirt you had on. 

You looked in the mirror and shook your head in agreement. The pastel purple sweater with the white collar poking out made you look youthful and innocent. You had on patent mary jane shoes in the same purple color as your sweater. The white kneesocks were slipping down as you moved slightly, almost looking like a school girl as you bend down to lift the socks up. 

“Do you like it?” Jisung looked at you through the reflection on the mirror, standing on the floor making him a head shorter than you. 

“Yea! You’ve never given me a bad outfit Sungie, they’re always adorable. My favorite stylist but don’t tell that to Bangchan” you smirked to which Jisung laughed.

♡

“y/n, Jisung did a great job! You fit the concept to a tee” Bangchan stood infront of two wide dark green doors which led to the photostudio. He smiled shyly and pushed the doors open, a bright white light blinding you as you stepped in.

You squinted and held your hand infront of your eyes as you entered the studio, the air stuffy from all the white boxlights that have been working for a while.

“Miss y/n is here now, Mr. Hwang” Bangchan announced.

Your eyes felt blurry and the lights created a bokeh effect, your vision feeling like a filter. The first thing you saw was him. Hwang Hyunjin.

The shock froze your feet in one position. It was him. The selfie was Hyunjin. And he was hotter in real life.

A tall, slender figure stood on one foot, the other one behind his leg with the tip of the shoe pointing towards the floor. 

“Are you ready, miss y/l/n?”.

His voice was sweeter than honeysuckle, you melted upon hearing him speak. Bangchan looked at you confused when you didn’t move, just observing the presence of the blonde boy infront of you. 

“y/n?” Bangchan had a worried expression on his face as your face broke out in a massive blush. 

“yeah..uh-mm..yes” you only managed to get that out before you were infront of the camera. 

His willowy fingers wrapped around the black Canon camera, it fit perfectly in his hands as if it was made for him. You gulped upon seeing the veins that ran up his exposed arms, the white shirt bunched up by his elbows. 

“Everything good miss? You seem distant” he said in that raspy but sweet voice. 

“Uhm...yeah totally..” you looked awkward with your hands by your side as you saw Bangchan observing you with a confused gaze. 

“Please tilt your head to the right and stand broad with your feet” Hyunjin commanded to which you complied. The flash of the big studio lights didn’t effect you as much anymore since you were used to this but what did effect you was how concentrated Hyunjin looked. Like a true photographer. It was obvious that he enjoyed his job by the way his eyes shined when he looked at the monitor and corrected every detail. Luckily you could stare at his figure all that you wanted since it looked like you were keeping eye contact with the camera and not him. Glancing over to the left of the photographer you saw Bangchan smiling his bright smile, signaling that he’s proud over you. 

Flash

Flash

And another flash before Hyunjin looked at the monitor displaying the photos he just took, a smirk crept onto his face. 

“Good job y/l/n. Could you please grab that chair over there and sit on the edge of it?” he said whilst pointing towards a small wooden stool. Reacting instantly to his soft voice and gestures you pulled the stool towards the x on the ground, making sure you were in frame. 

“One leg over the other” Hyunjin said without even looking towards you, his pale veiny hands were now twisting and turning some buttons on both the camera and monitor. You shook your head up and down slightly in agreement before doing as told and as Hyunjin turned back his chocolatey brown eyes landed on yours. Now it was impossible to hide your burning cheeks, Hyunjin noticed since he laughed stiffly before grabbing the camera off the camera stand and going down on one knee to capture an angle from below. Numerous amounts of sparks from the big box lights were emitted and after every spark Hyunjin turned around to the screen which displayed your figure. Staring at him you smiled slowly, feeling your heart beat faster. Why do I feel like this by just looking at him? Your head was clouded with millions of other thoughts. Just as you started tuning out the room Hyunjin clapped his hands hard, the sound ringing in your ears. You jumped slightly which made Bangchan laugh.

“All done! Nice work everybody” Hyunjin announced loudly before bowing down to the other staff members in the room and to you as well. You returned his gesture by a slight bow of the head and quickly scurried of to Bangchan, your face hot.

“Are you sure you’re not ill?” Bangchan said softly before putting the back of his hand towards your forehead. Shaking your head from side to side you pushed his hand away. 

“No, I’m fine... just so hot with the box lights you know?” you laughed fumblingly, not knowing where to rest your gaze. 

You felt someone tap you on your left shoulder and you almost fainted when you turned around. Hyunjin was standing three footsteps from you, the scent of his cologne making you swoon. He smiled as he saw your shy expression and sparkling eyes.

“I though that it must have been hot, here have this”

He casually held out a waterbottle which you received with both hands as a gesture of thankfulness. 

“y/n, I’m just gonna head off to Jisung to discuss something. Meet me at the changing rooms in about 10, ok?” Bangchan said, slightly leaning towards your ear. 

“Yeah, see you in 10!” you said while the managers back disappeared through the broad doors of the studio. Turning back to Hyunjin his blond locks were draped infront of his eyes and as he spoke he tucked those light pieces behind his ear, revealing his small silver hoop earrings.

“I’m gonna pack up the cords now but it was a pleasure to work with you, miss y/l/n” 

The corners of your mouth went upwards at his formality.

“Please, call me y/n” you said quietly, being too shy to look him in the eyes.

“Sure, see you around y/n” Hyunjin said as he lifted up his hand to shake yours. His lanky fingers were filled with bold rings, many of which were designer. A slight panic rushed through your mind as you didn’t want to scare him away with your clammy hands. The sweaty hands and the churning of your stomach was all due to Hyunjin nearness. Hesitantly you streched the tips of your fingers against the blond haired boy and his hand emitted warmth when being met with your fingertips. He smiled before turning back, his eyes forming into half moons as charming dimples errupted on his lean cheeks.

You bowed to the other staff members on your way out of the building on your way to meet Bangchan and Jisung in the changing room. The waterbottle in your hand almost slipped as you took another clunck of the fresh water and that’s when you noticed something. Stopping in the hallway where the stylists room was located you inspected the waterbottle and saw a black marker scribble on the wrapper around the bottle. Upon removing it your heart stopped. Your knees could give up at any moment from the sheer shock. Am I losing my mind? A number was loosely doodled on the white plastic wrapper and underneath it there was a message. 

Call me 

// Hyunjin

𝕋𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

@vogueinnie @that-anxious-bisexual @putmetogetheragain13 @hyunsluvv @lawleighette @meow-minho @minaamhh @ohmysparkle @hwangi @rindomo​ @fleeingreality @nycol-ie @jisungsplatforms

[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: you have a crush on college student renjun so you make use of your best lamest flirting attempts and surprisingly they work?!

pairing: renjun x gn!reader

genre: college!au, romance, pure fluff

warnings: very lame jokes, mentions of a cruel prank in the past (someone asking out renjun as a joke, pls never do that to people!), lots of awkwardness & sweetness, a bit of swearing, reader has an obsession with renjun’s pretty hands

word count: 4.7k

It had been a while since you had a crush so strong you even had a hard time focusing in class. Usually, you were a very good student, diligently taking notes and participating when the professor asked questions. But that was until you saw Renjun for the first time. 

It was like something possessed you and suddenly you couldn't think about anything else but his pretty, gentle face, his angelic voice and his lovely hands always drawing something in his notebook. It certainly didn't help much that you were seated right next to him during your shared lectures. It most certainly didn't help that you forgot all your vocabulary when you were in his immediate vicinity. Usually, your teachers and friends described you as well-spoken and eloquent, always knowing the right thing to say. 

But that was, of course, until Renjun. All words disappeared from your poor brain whenever he was around. And it's not like you didn't want to talk to him, get to know him better. But you physically couldn't bring yourself to form a coherent sentence. You kept telling yourself it was just a silly crush and it would pass in time. But the more time passed, the stronger you felt the need to do something about your feelings. Naturally, you couldn't speak, but there was still something you could do. Something you probably did best. Write.

So one day, after what felt like an eternity of yearning, you finally gathered the courage to act on your emotions. Taking a small sheet of paper out of your notebook, you wrote a little something. It was probably super lame but apparently, even your writing skills were affected by your crush on him. As soon as your "masterpiece" was done, you slid it towards Renjun before you could chicken out and change your mind about this whole thing. The note had the following text:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your drawings are almost As pretty as you. P.S. Key word: almost ;)

The second he spotted the little note which was folded in a hurry, he opened it curiously. Once he read its insides, you could hear him snort under his breath. Was it that bad? You couldn't help but worry. Then, he took his own pen and started writing something under it. That was a good sign, right? You were feeling hopeful. Once he was done, he slid the paper towards you. You opened it in a rush. His response was:

Hey! Are you bullying my art?!?

You looked at him in confusion. How could he have possibly misunderstood? However, he was too focused on multitasking (drawing most of the time and occasionally taking notes based on the lecture) to spot your reaction. You decided you had no choice but to be as explicit as possible and wrote another note:

Nooo, I meant to compliment both you and your art, sorry if it came off wrong and lame :(

When he received it, you could swear you saw him smiling a little, which made your heart melt. How was he so beautiful? Soon enough, his reply came:

That's alright, I'm just teasing...Also, it worked.

You couldn't believe it. It worked? You'd successfully grabbed his attention by using this first-grade flirting method in college? You were suddenly feeling brave and kept writing. It was too late to turn back time.

I just think you're really pretty and cool especially when you draw but I was too hesitant to talk to you directly...

When he read your most recent note, he even gave you a look of disbelief, which you couldn't interpret until you saw his response:

Cool? Wow, that's a first...And it's ok, I don't bite.

You chuckled quietly and suddenly noticed that class was ending soon. You couldn't wait until tomorrow so you hurriedly wrote the content of your next note:

What do I have to do to get your number?

Renjun shook his head in amusement and this time, his reply came quicker than before:

*number enclosed* Here, that wasn't so hard, was it?

You could hear the lecturer saying his words of conclusion and you hurried to respond via another note, because you couldn't trust your voice to actually speak to Renjun. Not yet, at least. So, you wrote:

Thank you!!! Here is mine: *number enclosed*

And just as he received your final note, the students around you started gathering their things. You simply looked at Renjun and you still couldn't believe he'd actually replied to your silly flirting and even gave you his number! You waved him goodbye like a lovesick fool and practically ran outside of the lecture hall. Stage fright whomst? Try having a crush on the prettiest boy in the world.

After you went back home, you debated calling Renjun. Eventually, you talked yourself out of it. What if you said something stupid and embarrassing? With texting, you could at least have more time to think things through before sending them. Actually speaking to him seemed too terrifying a task to accomplish. So, you texted him excitedly and your heart did a back-flip when he replied. Was it strange that you already missed him, even though it had only been a couple of hours since you last saw him? Naturally, you couldn't tell him that, it would probably freak him out. So, you settled for texting (for the time being).

Renjun: Why did you run away after class?

You: I was too nervous to speak to you, I'm sorry!!!

Renjun: That's strange, I see you talking to your friends all the time...Am I so scary?!?

You: Nooo, you're not scary, I'm just being an idiot 😔

Renjun: Top of the class does not equal idiot but I'll let it slide this time

You: Thank you for your generosity!

Renjun: What are you up to?

You: Probably gonna work on that assignment for next week

You: Sorry, I'm so boring 😔

Renjun: First of all, you don't have to apologize so much, you did nothing wrong

Renjun: Second of all, saaame. We can brainstorm together if you want?

You: Sorry, I'll stop. Oops, I did it again. Pretend you didn't see it.

You: Also omg, yes pls, that would be great!

And that is how your friendship with Renjun started. Texting on your phones and exchanging notes during class lasted a week until you finally decided to ask him out. Again, via text, because you were feeling too shy to speak to him. The only other contact you'd had was waving at each other. And it's not like he spoke to you, either. There were two explanations for that: 1) he chose to respect your decision or 2) he was possibly just as shy as you were. Whatever the reason, you thought this could not go on forever so you managed to find the bravery to propose a date.

You: Do you wanna go out with me? 👉🥺👈 

Renjun: Sure, where do you wanna go?

You: Oh, wow, I didn't think I'd get this far lol

You: Where do YOU wanna go?

Renjun: Hmm, there's this new art gallery I've been meaning to visit...if that's okay with you

You: Anything is good with me as long as I get to see your pretty face

Renjun: What

You: I said you're pretty

Renjun: Shut up, oh my God...

You: Do you want me to stop?

Renjun: Say that again

You: You're pretty

Renjun: 😳😳😳

Renjun: I can't wait to see you again

You: Same here

Once you got to the front of the art gallery, it struck you how strange it was that you would speak to Renjun for the first time ever. You mentally braced yourself as you awaited his arrival anxiously. Your nails were digging into the inside of your hands and you were terrified you'd pierce holes through your own skin. You told yourself this was silly, you had no reason to be so nervous. Renjun was a total sweetheart and he obviously liked talking...well, writing to you. You needn't worry that much, you kept repeating in your mind. You were too busy hyping yourself up to notice him approaching behind you. Too busy to be prepared for what came next.

"Hiii," Renjun greeted you with a surprise back hug.

"Oh dear," you jumped in shock as you turned around.

"Did I scare you, angel?"

Shit. Already with the pet names? How were you supposed to survive?

"No, it's fine," you waved him off, trying to play it cool. "Isn't it weird this is the first time we're actually speaking to each other?"

"Um...kinda," Renjun scratched the back of his head. "But I like it, it's what makes this so special."

"Wow, you sure do have a way with words," you chuckled.

"Shall we go inside?" he suggested.

"Yes, please."

As you looked around the art gallery, you kept pointing excitedly at the paintings, while Renjun was quietly evaluating them and telling you interesting stories about the artists. You couldn't help but be amazed by how attractive he was as he exhibited his knowledge. And of course, you couldn't help but wonder at how he was so much more beautiful than all the art you've ever seen. Naturally, you wouldn't tell him that. First of all, because it was too lame to speak aloud. Second of all, because your voice would undoubtedly betray you and crack or something even more embarrassing. As time passed, you were surprised at how easy it was to talk to him, despite your previous concerns. Renjun was very polite and soft-mannered and he made you feel comfortable, while the two of you looked at the paintings and discussed them. Once you'd seen everything, you were starting to feel a bit bummed out that your lovely date was coming to an end. When you were outside the art gallery, you impulsively asked:

"Can I walk you home?"

"I mean...sure. On one condition."

"Anything."

"I get to walk you home next time."

"There'll be a next time?" you whispered hopefully.

"I hope I don't sound presumptuous if I share my observation we both had a wonderful time."

"That's perfectly alright. Your observation is correct," you admitted.

"I live just around the corner, though. You really don't have to-"

"But I want to."

"So do I," Renjun said and the two of you began walking towards his home.

"I was wondering about something...You already know I didn't speak to you because I was feeling shy, but why didn't you? I have two theories, but I'm curious which one is more on point."

"Do tell and I'll try my best to enlighten you," he joked.

"Okay, so theory number one is you were being respectful of my wish not to talk yet. Theory number two is that you're just as shy as I am."

Renjun laughed and you could swear this was the sweetest sound in the entire universe.

"Am I so transparent? Honestly, it's a little bit of both. But there's another part you didn't guess. But it's too embarrassing."

"Come on, tell meee! It can't be more embarrassing than my lame attempts to flirt with you."

Renjun smiled gently.

"Well, to be honest, I couldn't believe you thought I was cool and pretty...I even feared this was some sort of prank. It wouldn't be the first time someone decided to mess with me like that."

"Renjun, are you serious? I don't understand why anyone would...Scratch that, whoever messed with you didn't deserve even a fraction of your attention. I meant every word I said. I really like you...and your paintings. And I'm sorry I couldn't say it aloud earlier. You genuinely deserve to hear nice things more."

"Thank you. I appreciate it," he blinked cutely. "But enough about me. I never told you...how beautiful you are. How kind and smart."

"I know," you waved him off teasingly. "But coming from you, this means a lot."

Renjun shook his head, amused by your words.

"We should go somewhere you like next time. Maybe a bookshop?" he suggested.

"Am I so transparent?" you repeated his words. "But sure, yeah. That sounds nice."

"Well, this is me," he said, pointing towards his home.

"Already? Aw, time sure flies by when you're having fun."

"I'll see you tomorrow in class, right?"

"Of course," you promised and before you could talk yourself out of it, gave him a quick but heartfelt hug. "Bye, Renjun."

"Bye, angel."

After your first date with Renjun, things were going quite smoothly. You finally got over your nervousness when it came to talking to him and the two of you would occasionally whisper things to each other during class. The first time he held your hand under the desk your cheeks filled with colour. Despite your embarrassment, you held his hand right back and granted him with a grateful smile. After that, holding hands in class (whenever you weren't busy taking notes) became like second nature to you two. It just felt so sweet and comfortable to be close to him. You couldn't wait till the next weekend for your second date. Even though you were just going to a bookshop and had nothing that special planned out, you enjoyed being around him so much that you were more than excited for spending time with him one-on-one. No professors or other students to distract you.

When the day finally arrived, you were surprised to find out your anxious self had made a comeback. Even though you were around him everyday and had grown accustomed to holding a conversation, it had been an entire week since your first date when it was just the two of you and you couldn't help but get cold feet as you were waiting in front of the bookshop. This time Renjun didn't surprise you from behind, you could see him approaching from a distance. Mentally bracing yourself for his inevitable arrival, you knew you'd be an awkward mess no matter how hard you tried.

"Hey, angel," he greeted you with the usual hug.

"It's nice to see you again, Renjun," you replied dumbly, briefly melting into his arms.

"You saw me yesterday, remember?" he teased you.

"Um, yeah, but still," you chuckled.

"Is everything okay? You don't seem like yourself," Renjun immediately noticed the change in your behaviour.

"Why wouldn't it be? Everything's peachy," you lied, but he didn't seem to believe you.

"Be honest with me, please," Renjun asked. You suddenly remembered what he'd confided in you during your first date. It was no wonder he had a hard time trusting you after someone in his past had had the nerve to pull such a cruel prank on a soul as sweet as his. You felt guilty for lying rightaway and began explaining yourself.

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous. I don't want to fuck anything up. Like I just did by lying and swearing. Fuck. I did it again, didn't I? I'll shut up now," you were rambling anxiously.

"Relax, Y/N, I totally get it. I was just worried maybe you didn't want to be here...with me."

"What? Nonsense. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. No one else I'd rather be with."

"Well, the feeling's mutual so there's no need for concern. Let's look at those books, yeah?"

"Yeah, sounds good, Renjun."

As the two of you went inside and started exploring the hundreds of shelves together, you felt yourself relaxing a little. Being surrounded by so many familiar titles, so many gorgeous covers was comforting. And as you kept showing Renjun some of your favourite books and telling him about your most beloved characters, he realized you were back to your usual self in no time. Attentively listening and occasionally sharing his opinions on certain authors, you didn't notice how quickly time passed by and how much you had enjoyed yourself and each other's company. Once you had looked through the bookshop in its entirety, you felt like it was too early to put an end to your date, but you didn't want to come off as too clingy or something. So, you simply looked at Renjun, expecting him to say what he wanted to do next.

"I promised you I'll walk you home this time, didn't I?" he smoothly said.

"I believe you did," you giggled. It was so sweet of him to remember such a detail.

"I'm a man of my word so lead the way," Renjun replied, offering you his arm.

"It will be my pleasure," you eagerly took his arm and the two of you began walking. You were deliberately moving at a slow place, simply because you didn't want this to end and felt like prolonging the time around him.

"Your hands are so pretty," you blurted out at one point.

"You like my hands, huh?" Renjun smirked.

"Did I say that out loud?" you were undoubtedly blushing really hard.

"I'm afraid so."

You felt completely mortified as you covered your face with your own hands.

"Hey, hey, it's fine. You can tell me anything. Chances are I'll take it as a compliment."

"Really?" you sneaked a peak. "You don't think I'm weird?"

"Maybe a little bit, but it's one of the things I like about you."

"One?" you blinked curiously.

"You're really fun to be around and you've been nothing but sweet to me. And of course, you're stunning, but that goes without saying."

"Without saying? I don't mind hearing it, though."

"I'll have that in mind," Renjun smiled gently.

"Renjun?"

"Yes?"

"Can you hold my hand?" you almost begged.

"I don't know, can I?" he tormented you with a joke.

"Will you hold my hand?" you corrected yourself.

"All you had to do was ask," Renjun acquiesced and intertwined your fingers.

Walking hand in hand, you eventually reached your place. As you two stared at one another, you refusing to go inside, him refusing to go, both of you refusing to let go of the other's hand, you thought to yourself how badly you wanted to kiss him. You had no idea if it was too early for that but you knew that the longer you tried to postpone it, the more you'd crave him. And you were an impatient person. So you quickly kissed him without thinking much. It was a bit awkward and rushed but at least, you had finally done as you wanted. Renjun looked taken aback and blinked at you a couple of times.

"I'm sorry," you apologized again. "I just..."

He silenced you softly with another kiss, this time more slowly and putting your mind and heart at ease. You lost yourself in the feeling of his plush lips against yours, finally letting go of his hand so that you could wrap yours around his neck. Hesitant at first but growing bolder by the second, you could sense Renjun's tongue testing the waters. You slightly parted your lips, letting him in. As the kiss intensified, you could feel him becoming more eager to touch you, his arms wrapped around your lower back. When you were seconds away from losing your breath, you finally broke the kiss. Opening your eyes to look at him, you couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. He'd kissed you back.

"I thought I told you to stop apologizing so much. Especially, when you haven't done anything wrong," Renjun scolded you politely.

You opened your mouth to argue, but when you realized your immediate response would have been another 'I'm sorry', you closed it. A second later, you came up with a different reply.

"I guess you'll have to discipline me, then," you huffed in a challenge.

"Dumbass," Renjun flicked your forehead.

"Hey!" you complained with a pout. "That hurts."

"What do you want me to do? Kiss it better?" Renjun gave an unamused look.

"That doesn't sound like such a bad idea," you mumbled, not expecting him to actually...kiss your forehead. But he did. And damn your knees for threatening to give out.

"Feel better yet?"

You nodded enthusiastically.

"Get inside already," Renjun tickled your sides, nudging you in the direction of your door.

"You want to get rid of me so badly?"

"No, but we can stand here forever if you don't," he rolled his eyes.

"Do you want me to invite you in?"

"Don't tempt me and go," he was impossible to sway.

"Okay, okay," you relented. "See you tomorrow, Renjun!"

For your third date Renjun suggested something different. While your first and second date had all taken place in public locations, this time he offered going to his place. And maybe the shock on your face was too obvious, because Renjun was quick to keep talking and almost take it back.

"We don't have to if you don't want to! We can just watch something at the cinema or whatever. Forget I mentioned it if you're uncomfortable."

You quickly shook your head.

"No, no, I do want to come over! I was just...not expecting it."

"Yeah? You sure?"

"A hundred per cent," you nodded excitedly.

"Sorry to break it to you, but I'm at two hundred per cent," Renjun teased.

"It's not a competition," you reminded him.

"It's not if I'm winning," he kept playing around.

You rolled your eyes.

"So what are we watching?" you asked.

"You can't go wrong with Harry Potter, am I right?"

"You are so right," you squealed. "Which house are you in?"

"Don't get me started. Sometimes I get Ravenclaw, sometimes Slytherin, it's a mess."

"That's pretty cool, though," you were practically staring at him with heart eyes at this point.

"You're a Hufflepuff, aren't you?"

"Am I so transparent?" you complained, this line becoming something of a running gag between the two of you.

"Cute," he mumbled under his breath and you blushed, not managing to maintain eye contact.

When the time arrived for you to go to Renjun's place, you were more excited rather than nervous. He was so easy to talk to and you were genuinely making so many wonderful memories that you had made it your mission to not waste any second worrying needlessly.

"I have arrived," you announced the obvious as you stood at his door.

"I can see that," Renjun chuckled. "Come on in."

"I wasn't sure if I should bring something so I bought some pizza on the way. It's still hot, so I hope you're hungry," you said as you followed him inside like a puppy.

"Oh, that's very thoughtful. And I always have enough space left for pizza."

You grinned and the minute you put the box on the table and your arms were free, you wrapped them around Renjun in a hug.

"You're so warm," you murmured against his skin.

He kissed the top of your head swiftly. Soon after, the two of you were too busy re-watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, eating pizza and holding hands to talk much. Once the movie was over, you realized how badly you didn't want to go home and how cozy leaning your head on Renjun's shoulder felt. And how much you liked him and couldn't stop thinking about his hands, his smile and his overall existence.

"Do you want to go home already?" Renjun asked the dreaded question.

"I mean, not really, but I don't wanna impose myself on you," you whispered.

"Don't be so formal," Renjun replied. "Just stay a little longer."

"Yayyy!" you were quite overjoyed and kissed his cheek. "What do you want to do?"

"Hm, I don't know. I could give you a tour around the place."

"Sure, that sounds fun," you immediately agreed.

"Don't get your hopes up, it's just a regular college guy's apartment."

"I'm sure I'll be amazed by every little detail."

"Even my socks?"

"Especially your socks," you joked.

As he showed you around his apartment, you couldn't help but be amazed by how Renjun-like everything was. From the snug kitchen to his art supplies scattered around. Every corner made the atmosphere feel extremely homey. Until you saw something that you hadn't expected, something that hadn't come up in conversation before. A stunning grand piano. You looked at the instrument and then at Renjun and finally, back at the piano.

"Do you play?"

"No, I just keep things like that as an accessory," he responded sarcastically. "Of course, I play."

"Can you...no, wait," you stopped yourself before making a similar mistake to the one you made a while ago. "Will you play something for me?"

"Right now?"

"If it's not too much trouble," you gave him the very best pleading look you were capable of.

Renjun sighed reluctantly and sat down on the bench in front of the piano.

"Don't just stand there awkwardly, sit next to me," he urged you courteously. 

You followed his advice and took the free spot. However, nothing could have possibly prepared you for witnessing Renjun's skills up-close. Watching him play was like magic. You were simply in awe and couldn't help but stare at his pretty fingers hitting the keys in just the right ways. When he was finished performing the piece, you were too frozen to do anything. Couldn't even manage to clap, even though he deserved it so much. But you were too transfixed by his playing and those damn hands of his you couldn't possibly move.

"Earth to Y/N?" Renjun went as far as snapping his fingers right in front of your face.

"Huh?" you let out.

"Did I enchant you or what?"

"I think you did," you chuckled. "Just...wow. You're insanely good."

He looked away bashfully.

"Thanks. It just takes practice."

"Nah, I've heard people play before but what you have is different. So pure and genuine. Like a blessing. And I'm not just saying that because I think I'm falling in love with you. I really mean every word."

"Care to repeat that?"

"I really mean..." you started, still not registering what exactly you'd said. How far you'd gone. What you couldn't take back.

"Before that," Renjun reminded you gently. "You know. The part about falling in love with me."

"Shit. I was thinking out loud again, wasn't I?" you asked dumbly. "It's too early for that, I know. I'm really sorry. Let's just pretend I said nothing and forget about it, yeah?"

In your panic, you jumped up from the bench and were about to escape like a coward but Renjun grabbed your hand before you could take another step.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, too," he said.

"W-what?" you stammered.

"And I don't care about whether it's too early or not. And I'm not going to pretend I didn't hear it. So the question is...what are you going to do about that?"

"Me? What...am I supposed to do?"

"What you want to do," Renjun clarified.

"Um...I want to keep falling in love with you, Renjun. And holding your pretty hands. Spending time with you. Listening to your angelic voice. What I want...is for you to be my boyfriend."

"I thought I already was."

"You were?"

"We went on a couple of dates...we kissed...Haven't I made it obvious enough?"

"Oh, right," you chuckled. "Sorry."

"Say that word one more time, I dare you," Renjun slowly ran a finger down your lips.

"S-sorry?" you had to test his patience. Before you could argue, he kissed you fiercely, wrapping his palms around your cheeks. You were drowning beneath his touch, which was ridiculous, considering he was also setting your lips on fire. You figured if saying sorry too much was going to end up like this, you would be a fool not to take advantage of it.

"Pretty angel," Renjun whispered against your mouth. "My pretty angel."

You were practically melting and the only thing holding you together were Renjun's arms.

"For fear of sounding lame, I'm inclined to say your pretty angel's almost as pretty as you. Key word: almost," you giggled, recalling your earliest attempts at flirting with him.

"Lies," Renjun shook his head.

"Hey, it worked the first time!" you pouted.

"It only worked because you're the pretty one," Renjun ruffled your hair playfully.

"Oh my God, shut up," you covered your face to hide how red it was.

"Never."

The End

[chanelsebbie]

𝗩𝗶𝗰𝗲 | 𝘀.𝗿.

✝ Warnings: SMUT, manipulation, dub-con, innocent!reader, age-gap, dark!bishop!steve rogers, branding. 

✝ Masterlist

✝ Summary: After being caught committing lustful acts, y/n is brought to the bishop for reconcile. 

✝ A/n:  Reader just turned 18, this is sinful, if you are offended, please don’t read. With that being said, after reading this, you best chug a gallon of holy water. 

𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖓𝖊𝖊𝖉 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖌 𝖌𝖔𝖉

𝕭𝖎𝖌 𝖊𝖓𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍 𝖙𝖔 𝖋𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖚𝖕

Florence + the Machine, Big God

“No! Let me go!” the girl with a small voice ordered futily, the sound echoing off the large corridors as the nuns pulling her along payed no mind. 

She fought against them, but it was useless, for it would only make their conviction worse. She had sinned, and like everything, sinning came with a grave price. Especially at the young woman’s academy. 

She knew the bishop would be cross. Not only for her sin but for the timing. It was in the late hours of the night, but there she was, caught red-handed and in nothing but a snow-white bra and panty set, being dragged through the empty halls of the institution, everyone else sleeping. 

Soon enough, she was faced with the large wooden double-doors of the bishop’s office, the lion knocker on the door seeming to snarl smugly at the girl as if it knew her fate. 

One of the nun’s calloused old fingers wrapped around the handle clutched in the metal feline’s mouth, before knocking three times, the young girl counting absentmindedly. 

A harsh and inharmonious voice called out an ill-toned ‘Come in’. The girl could have sworn she was on the verge of a panic attack. What she had done was wrong, but why did it feel so good?

The door was opened by one of her captors, walking her in before throwing her to the ground, her knees scraping up against the stone floors as she let out a pained yelp. She refused to look up, knowing that his eyes would be trained on her. 

“Archbishop Rogers,” one of the nun’s began, “We caught this young lady committing an act of lust, and demand her to repent and save her faith plagued with desire.”

The man stood up from his working desk, setting his pen down, stepping in front of the trembling girl, almost anticipating her to look up at him. 

“Leave us, sisters,” 

His voice sent a tight shock through her spine, making her scramble to her knees, her ass resting on her heels, folding her hands in front of her, waiting as if she were about to be struck. 

As soon as the great wooden doors closed, the bishop took a deep breath and began to speak. 

“Tell me,” he starts, “what is your vice?”

She quivered at the question, embarrassed to admit what she had truly did wrong. But in knowing that the longer it took to get it out of her, the more torturous the punishment would be.

“I-” she cleared her throat, “I h-have committed a lustful act,” she swallowed hard as she heard the man above her sigh, beckoning her to continue, “I feel as if I’ve been consumed by demons. The devil has put thoughts into my head... scandalous thoughts... and it creates such a tension between my legs,” she took in a shaky breath, “I can’t help but touch myself to relieve the pain.”

His jaw clenched at her confession, crossing his arms. 

“Do you understand the gravity of your actions?” he catechized her, making her nod her head ‘yes’.

“Yes, Archbishop Rogers, I do.” she now had the courage to look up at the man above her, “I am willing to do whatever it takes to be right by the Lord’s name,”

His crossed arms unraveled, one of his hands going down to cradle the girl’s cheek as she leaned into his touch like an obedient dog, desperate for the relief and to bear no malice to her God. 

When she looked up at him with her doe-like eyes, full of hope, there was a glint of guilt. 

“First, recite ‘Hail Mary’,” he commanded, her head now hanging low again, not noticing that his hands were now reaching his pants, the leather of his belt coming undone. 

“Hail Mary, full of grace,” she began, “The lord is with thee-”

Her face was suddenly jerked up, his hand wrapping around her head before pushing her forward, her open mouth suddenly filled with the mass of his cock, only half of her mouth consuming it. 

Her tongue squirmed as she tried to pull away, but the archbishop’s strength was unparalleled to hers, her struggles futile. Her hands went to his thighs to anchor herself. 

“A demon had infiltrated your mind, my child,” he grunted, “I know how to rid you of this evil, but you must do as I say.”

She did the best she could to nod her head, before getting pulled back by her hair. 

“Did I tell you to stop reciting?” he growled, “Don’t make me start you over,”

“Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit-” she was pulled forward violently back on his cock, deeper his time, his tip touching the back of her throat as she gagged, tears welling up in her eyes, doing her best not to bite down. 

She was pulled back once again, “of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary-”

Tears were now spilling down her face like a river, her face flushed as his cock seemingly went down her throat, the groans of her superior above her making her whimper. 

“Mother of God, pray for us sinners now,”

He didn’t pull her in this time like she was expecting, “and at the hour of our death.” she finished, panting as she winced at the archbishop’s killer grip on her hair, “Amen.”

“Remarkable job,” he praised, before standing her up, taking her hand and leading her to his desk, before harshly pushing her down against it, smirking at her gasping reaction. 

“P-Please? Haven’t we done enough?” she questioned, pleaded, earning her a slap on her ass, getting pulled up chest to back with him as his lips reached her ear. 

“I am a vessel of God,” he hissed, “And he lives through me as I do him. I’m cleansing you...,”

His fingers made their way under the hem of her underwear, pulling them down, her dripping cunt coming into view, the archbishop squatting down after pushing her back on the desk. She whimpered at the feeling of his breath against her sex, Rogers letting out a dark chuckle before leaning forward, licking a torturous strip across her slit. 

“God, you taste so good,” he groaned against her pussy, “why the fuck do you taste so good?” his rhetorical question made her clench. 

She let out a soft moan at the sexual touch that was for once, not her own. He did this several more times before he stood straight back up again. 

She whined when she felt his wide tip tease her entrance, circling his cock, the anticipation almost painful, his breathing echoing off the expanse of his large office. The moonlight shown through the stained glass windows, reflecting on the expanse of her back, making the archbishop all the more attracted to her seemingly supernatural glow. 

“Plea-” she was cut off by a loud moan ripping its way through her throat, the feeling of being stretched out so far painful.

“Fuck! Fuck, you’re so tight-” he cursed into the open air, his hands latching onto her hips when he bottomed out. 

He didn’t grace her with the opportunity to adjust, before he started to move, slowly, making her feel every ridge and vein. 

“You better start praying,” he coaxed, her head nodding.

“O-Our father, who art in h-heaven, gl-glory be thy name,” she whined out, making the man behind her rut his hips harder and harder with each verse, “hallowed be th-thy name. Thy kingdom c-come,” she paused to catch her breath, earning her a harsh tug on her scalp.

“Didn’t tell you to stop,” he growled, bushing harder and faster inside her. 

“thy will be done, on earth, as it is in h-heaven, g-give us this day our da-ily bread and... and...,” her brain was fogged with pleasure as he was getting pounded into, Rogers annoyed at her reluctance. 

“Don’t tell me you forgot,” he degraded, “don’t make me start you over,” his pace slowing down. 

She whined before starting again, “forgive us our tr-trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against u-us-”

She clenched around him, making him let out a genuine moan, and it was the most angelic sound she had ever heard, a coil tightening inside her as she cursed silently. 

“Come on, princess, we can finish it together,” he offered. 

“P-Please,” she gasped, gagging on air as she did her best to keep a level head and know what she was supposed to say next. 

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” they said in perfect sync. 

“Come on, so close, just-” before he could finish, he released inside of her with a yell, his head thrown back in ecstasy.

The warm feeling in her gut made the coil inside her snap as well as she fell off the deep end, long and passionate moans leaving her lips as she trembled and tensed from such an earth-shattering orgasm. 

The archbishop walked in front of the lit fireplace, poking at it with a fire poker before setting it down, the pointy end positioned over the fire. 

The girl thought nothing of it as she sat in an armchair, covered in nothing but a blanket as she gave a dopey smile to the nude man approaching her. He picked her up, before sitting himself down, placing her in his lap. 

Her head rested against his chest as he gently played with her hair. 

“Am I cleansed?” she questioned, nudging herself closer into him. 

After a small amount of time, he gave a quick, lack-luster response. 

“Yes.”

“What happens if the demons come back? If my thoughts turn sinful again?” she whimpered at the thought. 

“Well, I have a way I can make sure they don’t.” he smirked to himself, “Stand up, will you?”

She did as she was told; his perfect little obedient pet. Before she could question anything, she was grabbed by the wrists and slammed up above her head, her back against the wall next to the fire place, Steve reaching over and grabbing the bow heated fire poker.

It clicked for her as her eyes widened.

“W-Wait!” she squeaked, looking at the red-hot end of the fire poker, his fingers wrapped around it tightly. 

When the scalding metal touched the skin of her breast, she let out a pained cry, a sickening sizzle ringing through her ears as she sobbed. The burning touch seemed to last for ages, before it was finally brought away, but the pain never ceased. 

The shape made her stomach turn, the man pulling the girl in an embrace as she sobbed, shushing her.

There, over her right breast, was the mark of the lord. A blistering cross, that would be an eternal reminder of their shared moment together.

“In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit,” Steve spoke, right before her world went black from shock.

[asterroidd]

cotton sweatshirt

↬  College AU

↬  Pairing: Levi Ackerman/Reader

↬  Word count: 2.6k

↬  Synopsis:  Fatigue was slowly consuming you, luckily your roommate is there to save the day

↬  Notes: Thank you so much for the request anon! I apologize it took so long before I wrote it. Anw, I hope you enjoy it!

↬  no proofread whatsoever, capn’

5th and 12th prompts: “Give me back my keys! I’m fine!” and “Did you know that you talk in your sleep?”

    It was too much. All too much; the endless tasks, the studying, and numerous all-nighters that you had pulled by now.

    It was so taxing that your body couldn't keep up; eyes blood shot red from restless staring at the laptop screen, sunken cheeks due to the insufficient meal you are getting, and dark bags under your eyes that are evidently visible even from afar. If one would see you in such a state, one would assume you are a zombie or the living dead.

    Chewing your bottom lip, fingers anxiously taped against the wooden desk. Drained yes boring into the laptop screen as you tried your best to understand the text displayed in it. Your professor just had to be missing in action that week due to health reasons and as such couldn't attend most of the classroom session to teach. The replacement is just as worse—having no mastery over the lesson at hand that it only made it more confusing than before. So, you had to self-study for the sole sake of having a passing grade this semester. Finals weeks is looming around the corner and it's best that you understands the lessons beforehand so that you wouldn't have difficulty in studying once again later on.

    Your study session was supposed to be done before noon, yet here you are still hunched over the desk. A pencil at hand in attempt to take notes in the filler notebook. Your other hand curled up a fist full of hair, then ever so often tugging it in frustration. True, you did try to search online for other readings and videos that could potentially help you in your dilemma. Alas, you find yourself scratching your scalp and pulling your hair in frustration as you failed, yet again, to grasp the concept of the topic.

    Perhaps a book, you thought to yourself. There is a local library nearby—suppose a ten minute walk, could be even seven if you walked fast enough. For sure there are a handful of books there that could finally help you in understanding the lesson. And so with a drained sigh, you closed the lid of the laptop and stood up.

    You took in your surroundings; which was an utter mess. Eraser shards littered on top of your desk that some even fell to the floor due to you hastily sweeping them off. Mountains of books scattered around—some opened with a random item on top to act as a makeshift paper weight. Sticky notes plastered all over the walls and stacks upon stacks of paper everywhere. In short, your room looks like a battleground.

     Which it is; an academic battleground, that is.

    That said, you swiftly stuffed a handful of notebooks and pens into a small backpack so you could continue the study session at the library. Perhaps a change in environment would ease you off and clear your mind. When you exited from your room, you were surprised to see Levi lounging off the living room. A bowl of popcorn on his lap whilst lazily popping one in his mouth every so often. His eyes glued to the TV screen as it played a series, The Confession Tapes you presumed. Ever since you showed him the first episode a few days ago, he was so intrigued and thus became so hook with the story line.

    Oh, to have freedom and time for leisure activities like Levi. You would willingly kill just to have that.

    "I'll be heading off to the library for a while," you uttered under your breath. Levi turned his head towards your direction, slowly munching on the popcorn. "I might come home late so I'll bring the keys with me."

    He paused the movie momentarily to narrow his eyes at you. Levi looked at you from top to bottom, assessing and processing the current state you are in. Which was hell. You looked like a vampire that crawled out of your coffin after decades of isolation. Of all the years he and you had been roommate, Levi had practically memorised most of your mannerism and behaviour so much. And at the moment, he knew all to well that you would be, yet again, working yourself to the grave.

    With a sigh, Levi placed the bowl of popcorn on top of the coffee table before approaching you. "Can't you see yourself, idiot?"

    You scrunched up your nose in confusion. What does he mean by that?

    "When was the last time you ate?"

    You racked your brain for answers. When was it truly that last time you had a proper meal besides energy bars that you bought from the convenience store. You went silent for a moment, eyes cascading down.

    "I had instant noodles I think? Last night," you answered after a pregnant pause.

    "Then that means you have not eaten anything since this morning?"

    You only nodded in response, all too tired to argue back with him. All you wanted to do was to finally leave the apartment and resume your study session in the library. Where, in hopes, you could finally progress in.

    Levi clicked his tongue. No wonder you look like a living dead. You are barely getting any nutrition in your body at all! Being studious is a great thing—but being all too unforgiving and torturing one's body too much is an unacceptable habit.

    As swift as a fox, he snagged the keys from your hands. You, in your drained state, reacted poorly and sluggishly. Though, you gave him one ferocious glare.

    "Give it back, Levi." You held out your hand.

    "No. You should rest. You look like shit."

    "Give me back my keys. I'm fine!"

    Levi, much to your surprise, had a hint of worry in his eyes. Silence fell between you and him, eyes focused on each other. You thought of kicking him on the shin, then took the chance to grab the keys. But you find yourself unable to as your body slowly slumped over.

    You let out one tired sigh, eyes closing every now and then in drowsiness, but you can't give in. Not now. Not at least you'd finally understand and finish writing your notes. Still, exams is a couple of weeks away. Surely a brief break wouldn't hurt?

   You groaned, the floor beneath your feet swaying as you struggled to keep yourself upright. It was only then did you notice the ever growing itch in your throat which signifies tonsillitis, mucus flooding your nasal passages, and increased body temperature.

     "I'm fine. . ." you inhaled sharply. "Just—" you continued but was caught short when your knees buckled under your weight, causing you to lean forward. Luckily enough, Levi caught you just in the nick of time before you fell face first into the wooden floor.

     "Tch. Look at what you got yourself into," he huffed, palm pressing against your forehead. "You also have a fever, dumbass."

    Did you now? You let your head rest into his touch, relishing his cool touch against your flushed ones. Maybe you really need a rest.

   "How about you take a seat on the couch while I brew you a cup of tea?"

    "Sounds good. . ." you uttered under your breath.

    That said, Levi practically dragged your body towards the couch and helped you settle on it. Making sure that you are comfortable enough by placing pillows behind your head. The male crouched down to your level, bringing a hand up once again to your forehead to properly estimate your temperature this time.

    "Looks like a bad one. . ." he muttered.

    "You tell me. I feel like shit," you've managed to crack a joke despite your conditions. Levi rose his brow at you, shaking his head at your idiocy. Then you watched him as he removed his cotton sweatshirt that hung loosely on his figure. Suffice to say, you were beyond perplexed when Levi placed the article of clothing on top of your lap.

    "You're cold aren't you?" he shrugged his shoulders. "Wear that for the time being to keep you warm."

    That said, he soon disappeared inside the kitchen to perhaps brew you a cup of tea much to your delight. It is practically known that the male had an immense skill in brewing and perfecting the art of tea. And as his roommate, Levi practically forced you to learn how to brew yourself; mainly because he doesn't want you wasting precious tea leaves that are far too expensive to be wasted. You recalled the time spent with him, hours upon hours inside the kitchen while trying your best to not burn your hands as you, yet again, try to perfect boiling tea. Levi stood beside you, a scowl present on his face as he frowned at your blend.

    Do it again, he snarled. The temperature is not right.

    It was little moments such as those reminds you of how much of a stuck up bitch Levi is. Nonetheless, the male still have a special place in your heart as your roommate and perhaps crush.

    Gingerly holding his sweater in your hands, you took one deep whiff of his scent—despite mucus flooding your nose—relishing the soft floral scent of the detergent that he bought about a week ago. Yet, Levi's natural aroma gradually overflows your nasal cavity; refreshing and clean with a hint of musky scent. It was pure heaven.

    Blood rushed to your cheeks as you let his sweatshirt hug your body, encompassing you more with his scent. Truth to be told, it was your long time dream to wear one of Levi's clothing. Suppose it was the thought of you in his clothes that brings butterflies to your stomachs, or the pure concept of his smell flooding your senses. Either way, you liked it.

    "Hey. . ." Levi's voice boomed which slightly startled you. The male placed a mug full of tea on the coffee table before kneeling down and opening a pack of fever patch.

    "What flavor did you brew?" you mumbled.

    "Chamomile," Levi replied, brushing your hair away from your forehead. For a brief moment, he stopped to stare at your glossy eyes due to the fever. Small patches of sweat that peppered your skin that glistened slightly under the light. Not to mention your lips that he oh so long to get a taste of for months—but he wouldn't tell you that out loud. Red dusted his cheeks ever so lightly that you would've missed if it weren't for your keen attention to detail.

    Levi bit the insides of his cheeks, slapping himself internally to focus at the task at hand which it to place a fever patch on your forehead. That said, he carefully set it against your temples. Making sure that it is adhered on firmly as to not fall in case you tossed and turn in your sleep. A smile adorned your features as soon as the cool hydrogel rested against your skin. You mumbled a quick gratitude towards the male before snuggling deep into his sweatshirt.

    "Levi. . ." you started to which he hummed in response, helping you sit up. Then, the male gave you the mug with hot tea. Its heavenly aroma making you sigh in relax. "Come sit with me?" you asked, patting the space next to you.

    The male opened his mouth to argue; to refuse your request because he doesn't want to catch your germs and be sick himself. Though, with one look at your puppy-dog eyes and pouting lips, Levi knew that he wouldn't be able to resist you. "Fine. . ." he begrudgingly replied.

    You let out a small cheer of victory. Placing your head on top of his shoulder the minute he sat beside you. Even for just a moment—just for this day—you want to delve into your fantasies and revel in the company of the male. Levi looked at you from the corner of his eye, admiring how his sweatshirt that embraces your form. Due to him being quite short in stature, his clothes were not too big. So, naturally, most of his wardrobe would probably fit you. Which he has no complaints about.

    "Can we watch Kitchen nightmares?" you asked, taking one small sip of tea as to not burn your tongue.

    Levi shrugged, "Why not?" That said, he adhered to your request. Playing that one episode in the series that he knew you enjoyed watching despite the countless times you've already seen it.

    You relaxed back into the couch, letting more of your weight press against Levi as your hands cupped the warm mug in between. The brutal and fierce howls of criticism of Gordon Ramsey brings a small smile to your lips, and oddly enough, as well as Levi's. Watching Kitchen's Nightmares (as well as other shows that the iconic chef starred in) was a guilty pleasure, so to say, of both yours and the male's. There is just something so satisfying how the chef makes people humble down and admit their mistakes.

    One great thing that comes from watching his series was that Levi could learn a thing or two in cooking. Even though he was already great from the start. The male picks up a recipe or two just by watching the series, much to your satisfaction. Between you and Levi, he is the mother of the household, if you will. While you're just one lazy couch potato who would receive an ear full of scolding every now and then.

    Soon enough, you felt your eyelids closing involuntarily, yet you fought to keep them open. It was getting into the good part—the climax—of the episode and you didn't want to sleep through it. Though, you find yourself giving in and finally letting your eyes rest for once. You exhaled, rubbing your cheeks against Levi's shoulder blades in attempts to get more comfortable. The male shifted on the couch, allowing you to be cozy and warm with him beside you.

    In your dazed state, you swore that Levi slowly rest his head on top of yours. Nevertheless, you couldn't conclude if it was true since the sweet embrace of sleep consumed you. For the first time in that week, you finally had a good night's rest.

    Levi relaxed under your touch, finally relieved that you gave in and let your body get the rest it deserves after days upon days of continuous work. He contemplated whether to turn off the television so that the noise wouldn't bother you in your sleep, or keep it open since a part of him wants to finish the episode. Though, his thoughts were caught short when you murmured.

    "Levi. . ." you mumbled in your sleep, hands gripping his sweatshirt.

    "What?" he humored, despite knowing that you are in deep slumber and is probably sleep-talking.

    Then to his surprise, you whispered a phrase that he never anticipated would slip past your lips.

    "I love you. . ."

    He was taken a back, eyes wide while his mouth slightly hung open. Levi blinked once, then twice, trying to process if what he heard was real or was his imagination deceiving him.

    "Did you know you talk in your sleep?" Levi said, testing to see if you were truly asleep or was just toying with him. When he concluded that you were—in fact—knocked out and catching some Z's, he breathed lowly the three words he oh so wanted to tell you for months.

    "I love you, too. Brat." He snaked his hand around yours, intertwining his fingers around your hand.

    Little did Levi know, you were half-awake during his confession.