#i have decided that distance is good
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#personal#decided after forever i will go back to school and resolutely decided months ago on a course but now that the time#has come to apply i am waffling intensely and no longer confident in anything#but i don't want to stay in this dead end job forever#i was so good in school and just have been in limbo forever burnt out and scared#and i need to do *something*#i like being creative but idk if i'd feel good enough to do that for a grade you know i like the broad aspect of liberal arts...#but i fear the impracticality because that's the degree they make fun of on tv#i like the analysis parts of it#accounting is the i should do this but it's also the i don't want to be stuck in an accounting job thing but i have no beef with it#and it's closer to home but sigh#like the other two are pre uni type stuff which maybe i won't do due to cost abd distance again but idk idk
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I love seeing Rory run in the field!! Bird dog doing bird dog things!! You said in the tags you had different training and priorities with her vs Mav re: offleash running like that. What kinds of things did you do differently with Rory to be comfortable having her offleash at a distance with reliable recall?
I was writing a whole novel but really it boils down to this chart. Under the cut because it's (vertically) long.
In short, it's just as much about what I didn't do with Maverick as what I did do with Aurora.
(Edited to add: I am extremely fortunate to live in the prairies where the kind of visibility I need is easy to find. Use my experience to inspire your own training if you like, but don't use it as a recipe. I have my own goals and my own priorities and those are likely different than yours.)
Maverick:
🔵 Supremely confident from day 1
🔵 Came home in August (extremely good and exciting time for outdoor adventures)
🔵 Prioritized specific sports behaviours over foundational building blocks like engagement and cooperation
🔵 Learned bad habits from my older dog at the time (prey drive > recall)
🔵 Was indiscriminately prey driven. If it moved, he wanted to kill it.
🔵 I phased out treats too fast and didn't want to use an ecollar or long line
🔵 I focused on "social media dog behaviours" (think like walking extremely close to me on trails) and got frustrated when we couldn't meet these rather than meeting my dog where he was at. This created a lot of frustration in our dog adventures.
🔵 I practiced recalls constantly when I didn't have to, making them a tedious behaviour for him. I would recall him 20-50 times a hike for everything from "you're too far away from me" to "I want to take a photo".
Aurora
🟣 Came to me a little insecure and looked to me for reassurance
🟣 Came home in December (a cold and relatively boring time for outdoor adventures)
🟣 I prioritized engagement, cooperation, and name recognition from day 1
🟣 Practiced good habits by walking offleash in the snow either alone or with Pike (amazing recall)
🟣 Is extremely birdy, but is very very focused. She easily calls off deer or people/dogs in the distance because she mostly cares about birds.
🟣 Literally always gets offered a high value snack for recalling or voluntary check ins (I will never phase this out, I will carry chunks of cheese on offleash walks for the rest of her life)
🟣 I never practice recalls if I don't need them. This one is hard to explain, but once Rory understood that long whistle = come back as fast as you can, I don't whistle unless I really need to. I recall her an average of 0-3 times per hike (*based on visibility or wildlife*) and trust her to make good decisions otherwise. I keep my eyeballs on her 100% of the time and choose areas with good visibility, but I don't recall her just for being far away.
🟣 I limit hikes where I have to nag her often (think, in the woods where I dont have a great line of sight and have to remind her to stay close to me) to a few times a month or less so she doesn't start getting frustrated about it.
🟣 I trust the training I put into her and choose to run her in areas with (relatively) reduced risk if she makes the "wrong" choice. I don't nitpick everything she does and I let her make her own choices, within reason.
🟣 I have an interrupter cue to ask her to stop doing something before I call her back (if she's digging a hole and I want her to move on, I use "Rory, enough! Here!") instead of whistling at her.
🟣 I don't force her attention on check ins. If she runs back to me and doesn't want a snack and wants to run straight back out, I let her run back out.
🟣 I have anticipatory cues for the end of a walk so I don't have to recall her when we get to the end of the field.
I want to say that it's nerve wracking to watch my dog sprint at full speed hundreds of yards away from me. I have to fight the impulse to recall her just because she's far away. It's an exercise in trust because I'm always worried about her going over the horizon, or running into a wildlife, or falling into a hole, but it's an important thing to work on if you have a dog that needs that trust to thrive.
Mav and I were a good team, but I never fully trusted him outdoors. I always had my finger on the ecollar buttons ready for him to do an evil and need to be vibrated. It was exhilarating to watch him in the field, but it wasn't really fun or relaxing.
Rory and I built a much stronger foundation of trust (I personally never would have been able to do this if I had more than one dog). She doesn't know any tricks yet, but I'm super confident in her recall and ability to take direction in the field, even when she's sprinting as fast as possible.
#dogblr#about mav#about aurora#hahahaha i still wrote a novel#i have a lot of thoughts about recall#i never want to see a four month old puppy with an ecollar and yet i see it all the time in the gundog circles#and i get it i just find it super distasteful#i was team 'never get a dog in winter' !#and i am now team '100% get a dog in winter'#it was sooooo much easier to build good habits when nothing was moving in the winter freeze#my biggest issue with rorys recall is that she struggles to recall off pike#but even that improves each time we go out and thats more an arousal issue than a recall issue#she's a really cool dog#i still choose my offleash locations and time super carefully#i would never go out at noon on a sunday and run her offleash#i go out to quiet areas at quiet times#and i just let her do her thing#trust is a two way street even with dogs#ask#anon#bird dog training#recall training#recall#<- tags so i can find this later#eta: i want to add that i do use her name to get her attention if i need something or want a photo#and i have a specific cue for 'look at me from a distance and decide if you want to come closer'#but im largely quiet in the field when shes running especially if were walking by ourselves#i just let her do her thing#thats why we're out there after all
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I want to write barbie x ken fanfiction set maybe a couple years after the movie (Barbie spoilers)
where ken decides to go to the Real World because he Can Do That now and meets barbie again whos been adjusting and living self-love and doing things and finding herself and It's this, like, tearful reunion moment and Ken's still in love with her but he's much better at keeping it to himself because ken always respects barbie's decisions, but barbie spends a few days with this ken who has over time also sort of become himself, and has discovered his interests and likes and dislikes and became, like, more rounded through experiences and discovers that she finds him utterly endearing and begins falling for him and just. Second chances pure friendship to lovers barbie x ken where they take some time off for themselves and meet each other as better people (dolls? idk u get the point).
#barbie spoilers#Someone on twitter compared Barbie's arc to that of Erika's from princess and the pauper#who decided to become a singer and travel the world and take time for herself before focusing on love#Barbie and Ken having a healthy relationship and turning a new page#and getting to know each other all over again#like they're both in a better place now yknow?#maybe they can have an unconventional long distance relationship that works because they're barbie and ken#barbie#ken#barbie movie#barbie 2023#(also its funny bc i just remembered that barbie vlogs barbie friendzoned ken lmao)#(I think they're tgt now? idk)#They've never been in a real relationship and didn't break up bc they were never tgt in the movie#I love barbie x ken so much but the movie's open end was good and fitting#so like. best of both worlds! they're barbie and ken everything is possible
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honestly maybe considering making oleander ven and niles just original fiction characters? or finding a mind closet to shove them into while i find different settings for them…
#like. what good does it do when i’m only petrified of posting about those characters in relation to those games#because i know most people in that very small fandom don’t like me very much.#and they have a right to feel that way i was especially insufferable in my bg3 focus era but i always kind of am.#and i am not mad with anyone for disliking me as a result#and again. i don’t want sympathy or ‘oh no that’s not true’ you don’t have to lie to me i know i was/am it’s a fact#i’m just trying to explain my thought process behind this but don’t want to like. victimise myself or anything#i fucked up i most likely will continue to fuck up in different and/or similar ways in social situations i am trying my best but sometimes#that’s just not enough. sometimes my best makes people uncomfortable and i just need to acknowledge and learn from that#while keeping my distance.#like. i think the pathfinder game spaces are small enough where that’s probably something i should do y’know#for bg3 i certainly like mentioned earlier fucked up plenty as well but that fandom is massive#so it feels. different. y’know#even if i did already decide to revamp that stuff/zeke purely into original work but just because i thought it fit the character/plot better#anyways. i think if i can’t write about those characters in that setting for whatever reason then maybe it’d be best if i did that#romeo’s wretched rambles
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#KISS THE EARTH AND LOVE IT WITH AN UNCEASING CONSUMING LOVE: visage.#yeah so i decided to partially leave this in black-and-white bc i just think that suited blamore better in this pic but... OMG#catch me about to start calling him my darling because he is SO pretty it's honestly unfair. but good for him for both having curly hair-#and being tall because i am definitely admiring it from a Distance because i just know that blamore would swat me like-#a bug if it was real 💀 JSJSJ LMAO okay maybe it wouldn't exactly do that but i don't think it would like me to say the least
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The tool wheel! Finally, good smooth tool switching! I also fixed the scalpel's collision; no matter how fast you move it, everything in its path will get hit now! I also encountered an issue where gel puddles would remain on-screen across organ transitions, so I added a function to clear out all the Stuff spawned by tools, such as gel puddles and scalpel trails. Added polyps too. And also put a little surprise at the end...
#original#trauma center#trauma center recreation#we got sutures baby!#kinda. they don't actually do anything#but the controls and visuals and audio are good to go!#my idea that i had like a week ago worked shockingly well#the key to those good-looking suture threads is to watch the angle of movement#before my idea was “spawn a thread when the movement direction changes significantly”#but now i've improved it to comparing the angle of movement to the angle of the line from the thread's start point to the mouse#i don't think i'm explaining it well but basically it works real good!#just need to make it actually work now. which i'm still not entirely sure how i'm going to do#okay well i have a solid plan but there's also another option that might make it easier to decide between cool/good/bad#but WE'LL SEE#best-case scenario: tomorrow night i'll greet you all with a download link to a full playable operation#from opening incision to closing bandage#kinda unlikely since i don't even know how to export games yet lol#but by the day after tomorrow i probably maybe will!#edit: ALSO i adjusted the vitals bar to make it closer to how it looks in-game#by which i mean i painstakingly measured distances from a screenshot and set the bar's size and coordinates exactly#and i did the same thing for the tool wheel. naturally.
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found out one of my work crushes is also considering/hoping to get into university of edinburgh for her post grad plans this will definitely not make me less normal about this crush no way
#i really wanna go to edinburgh’s vet school#i really fell in love with the city when i visited in may#and the vet school sounds really great#and they have a relationship with my college so i know there will be other students from here there#so like.#it seems like a great fit#and now i’m like oh this info would make me feel a little better if i decide to try to pursue anything with her/if she is at all into me and#were to do anything about it#bc like i am hesitant to date rn purely bc i know i have like a year and half before there’s a good chance things would end/turn long#distance
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do any of the kith guys like cats/interacted with cats (minus kevin, hes clearly a cat guy)?
YES!!! i got to personally hang out with three different CITH (cats in the hall) just in the past few days and i love them so much
idk about dave/kevin/mark's pet situations and bruce only has dogs (tho i have also met his dogs and they are delightful) but scott has two cats and bellini has one
scott's cats are named rusty and dusty, they're brothers, and he first got them in 2020. when i'm at scott's place sometimes dusty will like do a loop around me keeping his distance but rusty has walked over to lay on me multiple times. i can't find a photo of the two cats together but here's rusty - dusty looks the same but slightly bigger
bellini's cat is named "early" and he's had him since 2011 i think. i'm obsessed with the story behind the cat's name - paul's partner always named his cats after their personality traits, but after several days paul kept asking to pick a name and his partner kept saying "we can't! it's too early!" and the name stuck. early is one of those cats that lets you pet him for like 5 seconds then immediately wants to roughhouse lmao but i think i've been around him enough that he's accepted me as a friend-of-cats
and of course i'm not a kid in the hall but here's a photo of my cat "sprout." i got her in 2019 and she's the best cat ever lmao. also i think she must have smelled that i was hanging out with the aforementioned cats this week bc when i opened up my suitcase to unpack she started rubbing against it which was very cute (she also did the same to a script scott gave me lmao)
#kevin and mark give me cat-owner vibes (in a good way) but i have no idea what pets they have#my camera roll has so many photos of early and rusty lmao every time one of them decides to be social i have to document it#someday dusty will also be my friend but he keeps his distance and that's okay#i remember the first time i was at scott's apartment i kept asking him which cat was which#and after a while he was like ''i don't actually know i'm just guessing''#(since they're identical the trick is actually that they have their own specific places they sit in the apartment it's so interesting)#but yeah scott and paul are very big fans of cats and so am i. so happy i got to see the cats this week!!#i'm back in the US now btw but this trip was amazing even if it was short
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It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much
#this mouse has had her depression intensified again#time to read her journal and remember all the good things she cares about#time to work on moving on from the bad#I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself#compartmentalisation right#I can take all of this and deal with it later when there's more distance from it#I should also write myself a letter#it's always good to write myself a letter#I think I wanna cry in the shower first though#I was told not to bomb a bridge by someone with a lit stick of dynamite in her hand#standing next to an already bombed bridge#I played my part in stuff but not everything's my fault#and I think I'm gonna go cry about how it feels like that's being ignore for the sake of hating me and proving me wrong#then I'll pack all of this into a box and put it on a shelf in my mind and come back to it when somebody is ready to approach it with me#because I can't keep having this cycle alone#I can't keep listening to all the things I've been made to feel#I can't keep having imaginary conversations and wishing for magical fixes and apologies that might not ever come#god what a shit show#it's wild how fast everything can spiral out of control#and how much you can lose when it happens#I'll find another home some day#I have to believe that and keep moving forward#I'll find family that can be more patient with me and more accepting of their own flaws#I'll find a family that won't hurt me when they see me in a bad spot#i have to#please#i have to believe it's possible#and i really really really want to believe that can be my current family after weve had some time#but i feel so so scared that it cant#so lets shower and then box it up and then we can see what happens in a month I guess
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I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself
#whenever my mom asks if i have love news of my own while we're talking about my sister's newest catch and i say no#i hope she doesn't feel pity because like. this is the life that i choose. my sister's ex boyfriends were enough for ME even#and i only met a handful of them personally but heard more than enough shit about them#i just always think i'm only flirting with some guys only to never talk to them again or ghost them because it's fun#fat girl who's always been seen as ugly by other people gets to flirt with good looking people is the ultimate ego boost arc#if i ever date anyone seriously again it better be true love and end in kids and marriage until death or i'll live as a hermit#until that happens tho...... life is a party i don't wanna miss a thing break some men's heart get revenge yolo etc etc#also the thought of actively dating freaks me out. if i meet someone and we tolerate each other long term that's good#but dating apps or going on dates with several people and deciding who's the best like on the bachelorette?? death first#plus i lowkey don't like men as a concept. at least the type i've dated. i guess you could say my last ex traumatized me hahaha 👍🏻 (🔨🔨)#i think i'm too young to be in a committed relationship anyway. or even to seek getting into one. there are much more important things rn#i know former classmates my age are having kids or getting married but idgaf the one who got engaged last year has been with him for 7 year#which is a decent time tbh you change quite a bit during that time and if it feels right why not#but i can't wrap my head around searching for a relationship when you don't even have a stable job and know what else you want in life#rambling again sorryyyy but yeah proud single here and i'm not saying this out of spite because i genuinely enjoy it#all relationships i've been in were so draining (tbf they were long distance too) and got me at rock bottom and had me filled with regret#also these men can be so controlling and jealous when you just wanna go out with friends while they do whatever they want too#but when you say you don't want a jealous partner they think that's a free pass for them to cheat like what the actual fuck#do you see the difference between being unnecessarily jealous when you hang out with friends and being rightfully jealous when they cheat??#at this point idk what to say. i'm very entertained by my friends' dating journeys but that couldn't be me#all the gossip i provide for them is which people i flirted with for the ego and who i ghosted and who ghosted me#mel talks
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A post-canon, pre-reunion No. 6 playlist for Shion. This playlist follows Shion from the end of Volume 9, through Beyond, until just before he reunites with Rat. It concludes right before the events of my story, Summer Rain.
In the Country - La Luz There isn't one thing that I wouldn't do for you Why leave?
Good Grief - Dessa But I’m willing to work for this Just show me where to dig And I’m ready to hurt for this
I Don't Trust U Anymore - Left at London As a kid, I was idolizing millionaires and all the presidents But I don't trust them anymore No way, no way, no, not again And I may never trust at all No way, no way, I'm over them
Working for the Knife - Mitski I always thought the choice was mine And I was right, but I just chose wrong I start the day lying and end with the truth That I'm dying for the knife
Glass House - Screaming Females Whose house is this? A gift was promised Future structures till we all vanish
The Center Won't Hold - Sleater-Kinney I need a real affliction Gives me a reason to stay I need a new reflection Don't wanna see my face
Fear the Future - St. Vincent When the Earth split in two I was I, you were you I run for you Run for me, too
Kokomo, IN - Japanese Breakfast God, I wish we could go back there Left alone in my room I know they deserve you too And maybe I'm not that worthy
#no. 6#no.6 novel#no. 6 shion#no.6 shion#nezushi#More description:#In Beyond we see that Shion is super depressed and we see him make a power grab#so this is about his journey from grief over Safu's death and Rat's departure to trying to do the work on the Restructuring Committee#but eventually realizing that they're STUCK in old patterns all the other cities suck too so there is no just future in reform#1 is the end of Vol 9 where - why can't we just make this into somewhere we can both live#2 is about Shion trying to work through his grief re Safu (and Rat leaving) to do the work of “restructuring”#3 is his motivation for breaking shit down and “restructuring”#4-6 about realizing that “restructuring” is insufficient because all the city-states are fundamentally exploitative#7-8 are about essentially giving up and desperately wanting to see Rat again#And some extraneous info...#1 La Luz is a Seattle based all-women group and their instrumentals are HYPNOTIC imo#2 Good Grief seems really good for Shion dealing with losing Safu and not having time to process until way after#3 re the l@l song I feel like shion is like ok nezumi told me not to change but i also can't trust anything i ever learned before this#i know shion did not idolize the president but he was TAUGHT to do that and the point is he doesn't know where to look for guidance bc#Rat is gone. but like also i wonder if he's like wow i've basically just been dumped fuck the world#Left at London is a trans woman who sings about cool shit like taking down the government so she had to be here#4 i feel like after he kicks Yomin off the RC he's probably like that was for sure the wrong decision and also i should have gone with my b#also i love mitski and was deciding btw this one & Nobody#5 this is like extreme disillusionment. we were supposed to be doing something good but it's all still rotten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#screaming females is also all women and so are the next ones so this is unintentionally an all women playlist haha#6 i love sleater-kinney and i feel like this fits shion well bc he was sort of everyone's light and now he's like never smiling#(per Karan in his Beyond chapter)#7 is so relatable. like please just tell me what's coming next!!!!#8 is the long distance theme song fr + i love japanese breakfast
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it was nice to remember when i liked ofmd
#those first few episodes were so good#it actually makes me more sad for where the series went because i genuinely have absolutely no notes about 1-3#they were everything i could have ever wanted. more than i ever expected#and then it just starts to slip and i don't even know if i can watch the finale again#i would actually like to write out my thoughts properly now i have distance but. i can't right now#nyxtalks#ofmd#ofmd s2 spoilers#ofmd critical#am i back off my break now? who knows#im riding the high of spending time with my one (1) friend but those never really last long and soon ill be back to where i was in this#mornings vent post lol. haven't decided what im truly doing there yet
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i feel im too kind and sensitive for most people
#why are people so cruel in their own heads? isnt it more fun to accept everyone? be happy ? forgive?#heavy on the forgive? bc like#ur friend is less social ... goes apart... they're acting weird... theyre being distant... GIRL I WANT TO SHAKE YOU. THEYRER SAD.#forgive. forgive the distance.#what if something bad happened like.. death? stress? everyone grieves and heals differently#(or maybe its the overt and hidden transphobia and queerphobia#and the gossip obsession)#how do i tell this to someone so that they dont get mad? like in reality and in all brutal honesty youre being a fucking asshole? like?#everyone is gonna take anything like so badly no matter how softly and emphatically i set it up...#i wanna defend people but im too much of a coward. fuck#i may be sensitive but the world is so susceptible#how can you have such averse reactions to your own fucking judgement where u decided everything that u didnt get or try to get was bad#world so beautifully neutral and you assess so much goodness and badness to everything#unfortenatly u all find me funny and i am scared of being alone so i will satnd unmoving#maybe one day ill say waht i think and lose you all and be sad and alone again but at least i think im pretty kind and tolerant#sigh#me soup
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actually if you wanna talk to me about anything you should probably reach out on instagram bc im not answering dms or asks if they’re not about requesting content anymore (unless it’s bio anon). otherwise it’s business as usual :3
#I decided to distance myself for my own good so this stops happening to me bc I think ppl just keep taking advantage of me and then laugh#about me in their little separate friend groups so…#if you have my ig good! If not . tough I guess.#mrow.org
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I gotta stop saying "left eye" first whenever someone proposes a saw trap where they remove parts of your body. I could be getting free wisdom tooth surgery
#emma posts#I just have a grudge against that eye#it affected several things about my development and current life and I'm still mad at it#fucking depth of field and perspective and shit being so hard to naturally create from my mind because I grew up with my eyes seeing TWO#DIFFERENT DISTANCES#being bad at throwing things in gym class because I was seeing in TWO DIFFERENT FOCUSES#me having a hard time at little kid baseball because of that#I was surprisingly still good a bowling though#and had gotten very good at dodging object in gym class by highschool#and so much more!#got migraines from the textbooks and computer monitors in middleschool because of that bitch#I already got headaches by the end of the day because of everything else. I did not need it worse#I used to love running in the rain but then I got glasses and it's like a car windshield#to be fair though my bottom wisdom teeth decided to grow their roots around major nerves and need a specialist#the top two could be ripped out easily though. they even broke the surface on their own! They just came out at a 90 degree angle...#which makes them basically useless and hard to clean#I've managed so far though! My dentist was impressed#I'm getting a good grade in teeth
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god i just love having little to no autonomy with the relationship with my ex who i have to be friends with
#like#the breakup wasnt mutual the stopping fucking wasnt mutual the blocking me wasnt mutual#the pushing me away and splitting the friend group and cucking me from one of our shared friends wasnt mutual#like bitch. ffs#said shared friend legit has more control over things than i do since theyre the one who passes messages on#and at group events its not like i can have a sitdown talk with them#even tho somehow they go out of their eay to be like. yeah u said u wanted to be more distant. which i revoked like 3 days later when i#got out of that depressive episode but shared friend decided to leave that fact out#tho tbh distance isnt bad#its not good tho#i just fucking hate this shit#i cant leave them but i cant stop feeling shit for them even when im mad#its stupid (probably bpd lol)
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