#i have cried hysterically every month of this summer so far and i usually cry once every calendar year or less

[kazz-brekker]

great! a job that i was planning to apply to tomorrow has taken down their online posting, meaning that the position is filled before i even had a chance to submit my application! i love to feel like shit about myself and my absolute lack of a meaningful career and the fact that my dad will unintentionally make me feel even worse about this tomorrow by asking me why i hadn't already applied for it!

[a-vild-bluemyrtle]

Gaea - The blooming Spirit

Seth Clearwater x Female OC | 10 years after Breaking Dawn | OC with Earth Powers

Also on: AO3 - FF.net

________________________________

Request from @purpledragon04: Can you write a Seth Clearwater x reader where she has earth elements.

I'm sorry it took me all this time to write this down, but I fell into a rabbit hole and I just lost all my creativity. I still hope you like this :))

Requests are still open, Twilight Wolfpack only!

It took me all my mental strength to finally go out from the house, from my garden in particular and get some fresh air. Lately, all I have been doing is lying in our glasshouse and taking care of my flowers. I didn’t adapt that much to the new town, to the cold and rainy days, to the lack of sunshine and especially the lack of flowers. Green was the predominant colour, together with grey. Green was all I could see since we moved to Forks. And grey was all I could feel, no matter how hard I tried.

Leaving my beloved Alsace was harder than I thought, especially because of my powers. They grew there, they got stronger there, I could move mountains, trees, I could grow roses, lilies, tulips wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I could make strawberries and cherries gems bloom in autumn If I wanted. While in Forks... it was like they just got weaker and I was getting weaker with them.

There was something in that town that just sucked the life out of me, I couldn't feel any connection with the grass, the trees, with the animals and no one could figure out why.

I was used to attracting animals, playing with them, to cuddle them in those endless French summers. There was this innate curiosity in them for me, because of my powers. Controlling the element of earth meant not only being able to let nature grow around me or on me – uncountable were the times I let flowers grow in my hair - but it also came with the ability to be connected to animals, understand them even without speaking the same language. I was used to birds flying to me and sit on my fingers or shoulders just with a tiny whistle or ladybugs quickly crawling on my bare feet.

In Forks I could whistle as much as I wanted, no one ever came. I could stay sit on the grass and no flower could grow.

“This forest considers you a treat, ma chérie. You’re a stranger here, a frightful one I would say. The trees and the animals do not know your powers, it is something never seen here.” My father used to say the first days but the more those days passed the more concerned he became. To not talk about my mother, she was almost hysterical and when she saw me dressed up to go somewhere different from the usual glasshouse, she almost cried.

“Isn’t it a little too much, Maman?” I asked furrowing my brows and questioning if mental sanity was still present in our house.

“You have not gone out since we moved, mon chou” – she started while I rolled my eyes.

“And I haven’t seen you wearing something different from sweatpants and t-shirts for 2 months. I’m just happy to see you in one of your colourful dresses”. She said, gifting me with one of her sweetest smiles.

My mother was the epithet of sweetness and kindness and it was from her that I inherited my powers. On my 16th birthday they flowed from her to me and, if I’ll have a daughter, one day it will happen to us too. My powers will be hers and she will pass to her daughter, and her daughter to her daughter and so on. All the women in our bloodline will always carry the Nature genes (another of my father’s names, who was really into X-Men).

“Anyway, I’m going exploring. Don’t wait for me. If we are lucky enough, I’ll find out why my powers do not work here”, I said while grabbing my pink purse and opening the front door.

“Don’t let the trees catch you, chérie”, my father said smirking. I was waiting for the day in which he’ll finally stop saying such horrible dad jokes. Especially the inside jokes only we could understand.

It was raining outside, like every day in that town, but bringing an umbrella with me was out of discussion. I have never felt so distant from Mother Nature since we moved here, so a little bit of rain pouring down on my bare skin would have been a blessing in disguise. The best sensation in the world: being outside while it was raining, especially during the summer. The only problem was that it was autumn in Forks, and I could have easily caught a cold… still I didn’t mind at all.

----

Hours? Months? Years? I don’t even remember how much time I spent that day in the forest strolling around without really thinking where I was going. At some point, while it was still raining, I also took off my shoes and started walking on the muddy and cold soil with bare feet – which may sound disgusting, but once you try how good it feels to just walk without shoes and feeling every inch of the forest under your feet, you’ll never stop doing it.

As I imagined, no traces of animals or plants moving or whatsoever. There was a strange and ominous silence throughout the forest. No birds were chirping, no snakes slithering, no deer jumping around.

When I got out of the house, I was full of hope, I truly believed that all that negative energy was all in my head, that I could fix whatever was happening at that time. But the more I walked the more I started losing that hope. I couldn’t feel anything.

Arrived at a river, I decided to sit down for a moment. The rain stopped a few moments back. I sat on the riverbank and let my feet fell into the cold – freezing – water as I wasn’t enough wet from head to toe. I sat there, sighing and biting my bottom lips in frustration. Why? Why my powers didn’t work? Was it my fault? Of course it was, it’s never Mother Nature’s fault, it’s always mine. Whatever I was, a collateral effect, a special genes carrier or simply a freak, that forest knew.

Another louder sigh came out of my mouth, almost in a desperate attempt to not start crying. I laid down, on the pebbles surrounding the riverbank and what my eyes saw at that moment freaked me out in ways I could have never imagined.

Two dark brown eyes were looking at me, were curiously observing me from the treeline and they did not belong to another human being. I froze in that position, lying on the pebbles with my nose up in the air and my eyes locked into his.

Only years later I understood what was happening at that moment, only after a couple of months later I found out who was hiding in the treeline, to whom those eyes belonged.

At that moment, though, my brain just shut down and there was nothing I could think of. I was scared but at the same time excited. After two months I finally felt something, and even if it were not positive emotions at least they were some kind of emotions.

I slowly got up on my feet, trying to be as subtle as possible so to not instigate the wolf t – or horse, better – to attack me. Our eyes were still onto each other's, my gaze never leaving his and there was something in him that tangled me.

The rain started pouring down again the moment I decided to take a step forward towards him. At the same moment, he seemed to be scared of me and took a step back, his head tilted to one side, his eyes digging into mine trying to figure everything out.

There was some sort of connection happening between me and that wolf, which fur reminded me of the colour of the sand, or more precisely of the colour of the light in the late afternoon in Alsace. And I would have never imagined what that moment meant for my future, not really far as I imagined it was.

We stayed like that, frozen in time and space, under the rain, looking at each other until we realized, or at least he realized – I would have realized a lot later, I had all the hints in front of my eyes and still didn’t have a clue. No words were spoken, not a single one, the only sounds were the thunders and the rain falling from the sky, and our heartbeats – his way faster than mine.

----

“Still daydreaming, darling?” His sweet voice wakes me up and I shake my head smiling when he puts his warm hand on my shoulder. I don’t think I will ever get used to his warmth, every time he touches me I sweetly shiver.

“Mh… yes”. I whisper, more to myself than to him, absolutely sure that he can still hear me clearly.

He hugs me from behind, trying to find the exact spot I’m still looking at outside our window.

“What is it? A deer? Again?” he whispers to my ear, leaving soft kisses on the side of my neck.

I intertwine his fingers with mine and tilt the head a little, so he has more space to kiss me.

“No, no deer at all, baby”, I reply, closing my eyes and enjoying the overwhelming sensation his kisses and hugs were making me feel. He holds me closer and I can’t help to smile more, thinking about everything that happened since the moment we met.

“It’s raining, exactly like that day”. I turn my head to look at him, at those same eyes that turned me upside down on that pouring day years ago.

Those same eyes that haunted me in my sleep until I found out to whom they belonged: to a sweet, gentle man, with arms and legs covered in tattoos, with hairs longer than mine who I fell in love with instantly and married one night on a beach without telling anyone else. A wonderful man I'm lucky enough to call my husband, the love of my life.

[kassandras-one-braincell]

Soma x Reader - Sear

Bad Things Happen Bingo, prompt: Cauterising a Wound

Can be found on AO3 here.

Warning: contains graphic violence, gore and mentions of death (no major characters)

Red.

Bright, untamed red engulfed Grantebridge as the town is swallowed by roaring flames, cobbled streets drenched in blood. Roofs, market stalls, banners ablaze, smoke billowing into the night, suffocating. Corpses litter the paths, neither woman nor child safe from the raiders’ wrath, mothers collapsed atop their young in feeble attempts to shield them from lethal blows. Drengir bid their fallen comrades safe passage to Valhalla, closing unblinking eyes and laying them to rest with their weapons atop their breast, praying that morrow’s eve they shall feast with the Gods. No raider remained breathing, all having been hacked to pieces by Soma’s men, but the devastation was done.

Scouring each burning home for the injured, you hold your tunic to your nose as a barrier against the clouds of grey and ash, kicking down charred door after charred door, assaulted by the stench of scorched death. Your hand remains firmly clasped around your axe, grip unwavering and knuckles white from defending a longhouse of children and elderly some minutes prior, adrenaline yet to dissipate from your veins. The raiders came in hoards, their numbers vast – they could be lingering amongst the shadows, poised for attack. You have to remain alert.

As you pass the third, fourth lifeless bodies of children – the baker’s sweet boys, you could barely identify through the flaking skin and charcoal – a woman’s petrified scream rings out to your east. Immediately, you take off into a sprint, using the cries of fear as your compass.

Panting, you reach the source of distress: a lady, belly swollen with child, cowering from a stout straggling raider, grinning maniacally with his longsword raised for the kill. The poor woman sob, pleading for her life, for her baby’s life, tears muddying with the blood staining the pebbles beneath her. Without thinking, you tackle the man, ready to accept the embrace of the Valkyljur should you perish for this lady.

At first, you fail to notice the sword cleaving into your abdomen, focused wholly on driving your axe through his jugular, grunting with every swing until crimson sprayed your face. Sweat mingles with scarlet as his breathing stilled, head all but severed from his neck. You pry yourself from atop the raider, muscles screaming. It is only when the lady stares at your stomach with sheer horror that you feel the warmth of your blood seep through your clothes.

Then, panic.

It’s deep. Far, far too deep to be safe. Dirt from your tunic meddles with your severed flesh, the promise of infection imminent, should you survive the night. And fuck, there is so much blood, rivulets dripping onto your trousers. You clutch the wound, praying that your guts don’t spill to the ground, gasping first in shock but now in pain as agony shoots through your stomach with each heave. “Shit, shit…” You take it back; you aren’t prepared to die. I can’t die.

On your knees, staring at your casualty in disbelief, you hear a deep voice cry your name. “Gods, fuck, hang on,” you hear the man curse, unclear with your pulse pounding in your ears. It’s only when he reaches your side, slinging your free arm around his neck that you identify the man as Lif.

As he lugs you to your feet, he urges you to keep pressure on the wound, not that you’d dare remove your hand from its position. “We’ll get you to the longhouse, alright? Stay with me,” he tells you, and you find yourself nodding in futile hope. For a second, your foggy eyes meet the tear-stained ones of the lady you saved. Words didn’t need to be exchanged: her gaze holds a thousand thank-yous.

The journey to the longhouse is an orange blur, the inferno tearing through Grantebridge, a flaming, ravenous wolf feasting upon its prey. Safe from the cinders and torches, the longhouse stands intact upon a hill, the only structure safe from the raiders’ rampage. Warriors rush between the injured, frantically applying salves and gauze to the countless injured. Mothers cling to their suckling babes, mumbling their praise to Freyja for shielding them, while others clutch at their heart in agony as they mourn their losses. The children – gods, those precious children – cry out in horror as Lif helps you to an empty stretcher, you having protected them barely half an hour ago. You muster your strength and give them a reassuring smile despite knowing your fate.

“Soma!” Lif calls out, catching your jarlskona’s attention. Her eyes widen in panic as she sees you, utterly terrified and on what just may be your deathbed, and she rips her hands from the basin she was just cleansing them in, pushing past her men to reach to your side.

Within seconds, your lover is kneeling at your side, fear smeared all over her face. “Soma…” you croak out, on the verge of tears.

“Hush, save your strength, my love,” she whispers, voice hoarse from ordering her men. She tears away the torn fabric covering your wound, gently moving your blood-soaked hand to the side. You whimper, afraid your entrails would seep through the laceration. The way her breath hitched in her throat breaks your heart in two.

“I need a clean sword and some cloth. Now.” A young drengr to your side nods and scampers off, asking no questions, the urgency in Soma’s voice palpable. Your usually calm, collected jarlskona is unhinged, desperation clouding her brain. “Listen to me,” she ushers, reapplying pressure to the gash, her other hand cradling your cheek. “You’re not going to die. I’m going to seal the wound shut, alright?” A stray tear escaping, you nod. She sounds affirmative, and for the first time since the raid commenced, you felt a glimmer of hope.

Some seconds later the drengr returned with the cloth and sword. Soma thrusts the sword into the nearest brazier, eyes wild as she silently pleads for the blade to heat up swiftly. Lif takes the rag from the man’s hand and hovers it above your lips. You open them, knowing its purpose, mentally bracing yourself for the searing agony of cauterisation, and sink your teeth into the fabric when he stuffs it into your mouth.

“Breathe, brave drengr,” Lif says. “In a few months, an infant’s cry will sing through Grantebridge thanks to you. And you’ll be around to hear it.” A choked laugh escapes you, your body jerking forward, and if it wasn’t for the rag between your teeth you’d call him a sap. But the thought was comforting. Live or die, a new spirit would be brought into this world.

Soma turns to the two other warriors nearest to you. “Help hold her down,” she orders, and they obey, one joining Lif at your arms and the other at your legs. They grip your limbs tight, knowing you’ll thrash against the searing blade. Upon seeing the steel glow amber, Soma takes the hilt into her hand. She moves the hand on your wound to just above it, pressing down to secure your torso in place.

“Look at me, my love,” she tells you. Your eyes connect, pools of grey stormy with determination. She musters a soft smile, and for a split second you gain control of your breathing. You remember this woman would endure the depths of Helheim if it meant you would live another day. You’ll live. Just a bit of pain.

“Remember the springs we found this summer passed? The rabbits sleeping by the water – hold her firm – without a care in the world?” You nod, your clammy hand grasping for hers atop your stomach. She spreads her fingers so you could interlace yours with them, giving you something to cling onto. “We spent hours lazing in the sun, making love and eating blackberries.” The memory washed over you, embracing your mind in hazy warmth. “Gods, you looked ethereal—” The flat of the blade comes into contact with your wound. White. Hot. Agony. You scream into the gag, teeth clenched so hard you think they might break. The sickening smell of burning flesh fills your nostrils as you writhe against the hands restraining you, tears welling in your eyes, body desperate to move away from the blade inflicting this anguish. You knew it would be torturous, but gods this was blinding. Sobbing, you try to find something, anything to focus on, settling on your woman’s face, contorted in distress from causing you this pain. A second, more intense wave of agony crashes over you when Soma flips the blade to cauterise the other half of the large gash. You squeeze her hand hard enough to bruise for weeks to come. Fuck, you want death, you can’t endure this anymore, you want to be back at those springs in Soma’s arms again. “—all sun-kissed in the cool water. I’d die a million deaths to relive that with you.”

Finally, sweet reprieve. Soma removes the blade and tosses it to the floor as the men holding you flat relent. You heave and whimper into the gag, moaning in pain. She leans over and removes the gag from your mouth, the metallic taste of your blood on her hands sharp against your tongue. Her lips meet yours in a firm, loving kiss. “My sweet, brave girl,” she whispers, the pride in her voice tangible. “It’s all over. Gods, you’re so, so strong.” The scar across her face curves as her features twist into a relieved smile.

Exhausted, you laugh in a burst of hysterical happiness, content to be held by your jarlskona.

Grantebridge is in ruins, but home is in Soma’s arms.

[hournites]

A lot of ways to love you (teach me through your eyes)

Hournite Week Day 7: Love Languages 

Summary: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, Touch. Or, Rick, Beth, and their many languages of love.

Thank you for coming along on this first HN week journey with me! ❤️

~.~

Words of Affirmation

  Beth found Rick by himself at the corner of their shared history class, carving his initials into the desk. She didn’t understand why he’d put himself there. It was like a brooding corner to be miserable. 

  “Hey,” she said, taking the seat in front of his desk. “What’s wrong?” 

  Rick dug deeper to splinter the wood. “They think I cheated on my chem test.” 

  Without asking, Beth unzipped Rick’s bag to pull out the test. Rick let her. 

  She gaped at him as she scanned over the F and comments from the teacher. He always treated Beth kindly when they passed in the halls, but she never actually had Mr. Geralds. Chemistry wasn’t her strong suit like Rick, but there wasn’t a doubt that she’d given some of the same answers with a great grade from the other science teacher. “Are you serious? That’s crazy. You’re going to contest that, right?”

  “You’re not going to even ask if I did?” 

  “I know you didn’t, you’re too smart.” 

  “I used to steal shit,” he muttered under his breath and dropped his pencil. “Haven’t heard you say I’m too smart for that.” 

  Beth slipped his test into her folder to return to at a later time, right now focusing on Rick. 

  “Hey, that’s not fair.” When Rick wouldn’t meet her eyes, she leaned in closer. “Look at me.” 

  Rick did. 

  “You know you deserved a good grade. And you’ve done what you did to get by.” She glanced at the vandalism briefly. “There are people here who know you’re better than what the majority of the town thinks.” She lowered her voice to keep her next words between them. “You’re a hero. You’ve helped save everyone in this town. So show them who you really are.” 

  She smiled when he let out a small huff, she knew he was listening. “I’ll go to the principal’s office with you, and we can get Pat to vouch for us. We both know that for Chem you should be in AP.” 

  “It’s really not that big of a deal,” he lied, shifting uncomfortably from all her nice words. 

  “If it weren’t a big deal, you wouldn’t have done that.” She pointed at the roughened mess he’d made of the school desk. “I know you better than you think.” 

  Act of Service 

  “Has anyone seen Beth?” 

  Rick walked around the main area of Pat’s cabin. It was after 2 AM. Barbara and Jennie were making late-night comfort food in the kitchen. Pat was manning the first aid station, tending to Mike, Jakeem and Yolanda’s injuries from Sportsmaster. Courtney was bonding or something with the staff in some strange ritual she had after a life-threatening mission. Rick just stepped out of the shower, washing the grime from his arms and face. 

  “She’s upstairs, I think!” Yolanda called, holding her ribs from her seat on top of the table. Rick shook his head when Pat admonished her not to yell. Rick made it up the stairs two at a time, stopping when he found Beth with her packed school bag on the floor in front of the couch. She was searching through papers, openly crying. She hadn’t even taken her cape off yet. 

  Rick crouched down beside her. “Hey,” he said softly. She looked utterly exhausted. “Are you okay? You said you didn’t get hurt.” 

“I’m not hurt.” She hiccuped, flipping through more papers, a little hysterical. It looked like it was for school. “I can’t find my math assignment. It’s due tomorrow morning.”

  “Did you finish it?” he asked. 

  “I don’t remember.” She wiped at her tears as she cried harder. “I might’ve left it at home, I can’t find it. I’m too tired, I can’t think.” 

  “Yeah,” Rick agreed. His bones were weary but he had always felt the least affected after battling it out with the ISA. He suffered plenty of superficial cuts and bruises, but he hardly felt them because his hourglass really protected him. He couldn’t imagine the hit the night must’ve taken on Beth’s body. Pat was going to be driving them back to main Blue Valley at 4 or 5 o’clock in the morning to get them back to school. It wasn’t ideal, but it was a random Wednesday. It’s not like they had a choice. 

  “Did you ask Chuck?” 

  “No.” Her lip wobbled, face contorting into another sob. Rick regretted asking. It was clear she was far too drained. It would’ve been simple to have asked Chuck to scan her bag to find out, but she hadn’t thought of it. 

  “Okay, okay,” Rick said. “Go to bed. You’re not going to be able to do the homework now even if you found it.” Rick got up to get to the top of the stairs, calling down for Barbara. 

  When he returned, he helped her up and managed to get her to let go of her school bag. “We’ll look for it before we leave, okay?” Rick ran a hand through his damp hair, his own eyelids started to droop. “I promise you’ll get it done before school.” 

  Barb joined them upstairs and coaxed Beth to change out of her suit, leading her downstairs with her regular clothes and a promise of a warm bed and tea. 

  Rick followed to grab Chuck when Beth wasn’t looking, turning him on once alone to help identify if this alleged math homework was even in her bag. Together they found what she was talking about. Ten problems of pre-calc. She was right. It was rushed and not done. 

  Rick sighed, tucking it under his arm. He said goodnight to the rest and retired to his assigned room. He turned on the lamp on the desk where he first solved the code of his father’s journal, spreading out the assignment and using Chuck as a calculator. It dawned on him an hour later as he rubbed at his tired eyes how he would be staying up all night to finish homework that wasn’t even his. 

  Gifts 

  Beth was immersed in her book when two hands landed on her collarbone. She looked down, touching the skin at the opening of her shirt when she felt the weight of something new at the base of her throat.

  “What’s this?”

  Rick murmured in her ear from behind. “An early birthday present.”

  She let out a soft gasp when he finished with the clasp. A tiny brass hourglass pendant with sand just like Hourman’s trickled steadily beside her rainbow pendant. 

  “Woah.” She glanced up at him. “You got me an hourglass?” She bit down on her lip, dread creeping into her mind when she realized this had to be expensive. She struggled to voice what she was feeling out loud, but Rick must’ve caught the complicated expression on her face. He smoothed his hand along the sleeve of her cardigan and reassured her the cost didn’t push him into any kind of financial ruin. 

  “Did you not realize I’ve been working for Pat before school? I had some spare cash. Trust me, there’s nothing better I’d spend my money on.” 

  The puzzle clicked into place. Beth had been meeting Rick at the Pit Stop every morning before school for what felt like months now. It made sense he was there to work on the cars. Beth felt her face heat up at his implicit soft-spoken confession. “Thank you,” she said in a whisper, still in awe. The necklace was beautiful and she felt fuzzy ever since his hands were on her neck. “I love it.”

  His eyes, usually hardened and defensive, skilled at warding off unwanted attention, now creased at the corners. Gentle, quiet, yearning, he watched her accept his gift. “I’m glad.”

  Impulsively she asked, “Could you unclasp the rainbow one?”

  Rick did. The chain pooled in her palm. She shook her head, pushing it to his chest. “You should have it.”

  His brows furrowed in response. “You want to give me your... rainbow necklace?”

  She flushed when he said it like that. She toyed with her new one, looking at him from beneath her lashes. “Well…” she said. “I have something of you, now you can have a symbol of me.”

  Rick let out a small laugh. Beth was pretty sure if this were anyone else he’d say it was stupid, so she couldn’t help the surge of pride when he nestled her necklace around his own neck. 

  “How does it look?” 

  It was actually twisted. She flattened it so it would look the way it was supposed to over the collar of his shirt. Rick didn’t complain, but it was bright and cheery and clashed with his entire self. Beth bit her lip, withholding another laugh, and took pity on him, changing her mind to tuck the necklace underneath. “Perfect now.” 

  “Beth, I hate to interrupt this moment but you will be late for school if you don’t leave the Pit Stop in the next five minutes.”

  Chuck broke them out of their weird double transfixion. They both found themselves smiling shyly at each other, neither truly wanting to move. 

  “Come on,” he said after another few moments of them smiling at each other without moving. “Put your bike in my trunk. I’ll drive you.”

  Quality Time

  When Rick stopped by at Beth’s locker, she was talking to Charity, a new close friend she made over the summer volunteering at the Blue Valley Community Centre. 

  “Hey,” Rick greeted, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, waiting for Beth to visit. 

  “Hey,” Charity said back. She swept her blonde bangs out of her face to continue their conversation. 

  “Charity had a great idea that we should enter for the sustainability case competition,” Beth filled in.  

  “We’re going to need at least a month to prepare. I was thinking we could meet Tuesdays and Thursdays after school?” 

  Rick stuck a hand in his pocket, sullen. Thursdays were their days, unofficially. Not that they’ve ever said so out loud, but with JSA training afternoons the rest of the week, Beth working on a case competition their days off basically meant not getting to see her. Which was fine. It happened. Rick just wishes it didn’t have to. 

  “I can’t on Thursdays,” Beth told her. She glanced up at Rick to give him a smile. He straightened up, meeting her gaze with obvious surprise. “Those are our nights.” 

  Charity paused, watching the two with curious eyes. 

  “We can cancel,” Rick found himself saying and actually meaning it. “You don’t have to stay on my account.” 

  Beth’s nose scrunched up as she shook her head, mind already made. “Nah. Sorry Charity, Thursday doesn’t work for me. Take out your schedule, maybe we have a shared free period somewhere.” 

  “Oh, yeah, sure! Okay!” 

  Rick ducked his head to hide his smile as Charity fished through her bag for her agenda.

  Touch 

  When Beth stumbled out of the cell she’d been bound in, she hadn’t realized just how long she’d been gone. She was hungry and exhausted and felt horrifically dirty in her soiled Dr. Mid-Nite suit, but then she got a glimpse of Hourman nearly pushing the others in his rush to get to her all she could feel was relief. 

  Rick cupped her face, eyes squeezed shut as he held her close, his thumbs brushed along her cheeks, under her dry eyes. She felt the buzz of adrenaline rushing through him just by being so near, but the way he touched her was gentle, so gentle.

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he whispered, a startling unfamiliar word to fall in succession like that, coming from Rick. His hands flew to the crown of her cowl, tugging it down to kiss her forehead again and again. “Thank you.” 

  I’m okay now, she tried to comfort him, though her words were choked, smothered out by the crushing weight of it all. He was crying as his lips brushed over her face. It wasn’t his stamina. The buzz, she felt. Rick was shaking. It hit her then, that maybe he wasn’t sure Beth was ever going to come back. Beth had scared him. He was scared.  

Beth vaulted with her tired, numb legs, reaching to wrap her arms around his neck. Her mind went calm for the first time since before they left home, muscles relaxing as she let Rick scoop her up. 

  She was safe. She was home.

Beth was loved. 

[gottlem]

you belong with me (gigi x crystal)

a/n - some of this isnt proofread so im SORRY if it gets messy at the end it is literally 3am. also this is my first fic so pls be kind i dont know what im doing like at all. (also keep a look at for slight jackie x jan) this was inspired by someone wanting a fanfic based off of you belong with me by taylor swift and i loved the idea so here we are and i am sorry.

-----

Gigi and Crystal are best friends. Growing up living so close to each other made them an absolute power-duo, for years on end they have been inseparable at all times. When they were younger, Gigi would sleep over at Crystals every single weekend and neither of them would ever get sick of eachother. They spent their nights giggling at nothing and making pinky promises “to never ever not be friends” and that they would be each other's “favourite person” forever, because they didn’t know that life can get a tad bit more… complicated when you start to get a little older. Living in ignorant bliss of the impending doom of high school, they would spend their time in their own little bubble, making the most of each other's company. In their minds, it wasn’t a question whether or not they loved each other. The answer was there without even having to ask the question, but of course they were too young to fully understand anyway.

In her early teens, Crystal would slowly realise that if young Gigi and Crystal were a boy and a girl, everyone would have joked about them being together with them being so close, but since they had been two little girls, they were just best friends in everyone’s eyes. Crystal would also slowly realise that ‘just best friends’ isn’t really where she wanted to stay with Gigi, but that truth wouldn’t come for another few years. She learned about the term ‘lesbian’ when there was a rumour in the 7th grade that she was one. It hadn’t fully occurred to her that girls could like girls in that way, but when she did google what it meant on a random wednesday night, it seemed so obvious. Natural. Of COURSE girls can like girls, they’re so pretty! Needless to say, it didn’t take her very long to understand that maybe the rumour was actually true- but nobody needed to know that. Not even Gigi. Definitely not Gigi. To be honest, she didn’t know where her friend even stood on topics like this, but they had never even talked about boys, so she absolutely didn’t want to risk bringing up girls. 

In 7th grade, Gigi already knew what a lesbian was. She heard talks about her best friend being into girls, but she paid it no mind. If Crystal was gay, she’d tell her, right? Gigi could be trusted with that kind of stuff. Either way, she wouldn’t bring it up. Maybe Crystal hadn’t even heard about it, maybe she was completely oblivious. Yeah. That must be it. It was around this time Gigi realised she herself might like girls. But it had nothing to do with Crystal. Nothing at all. In fact, the topic of relationships had never even come up between them. In 8th grade, Gigi started to get little crushes, exclusively on girls. This was the year she decided she was a lesbian. By then, the rumours about Crystal were long forgotten, but her friend’s sexuality was almost always in the back of Gigi’s mind. Crystal had never expressed interest in boys (or girls for that matter), but then again neither had Gigi. She knew she would have to come out to Crystal at some point - there was no WAY she was hiding a future girlfriend from her best friend. 

One night in the summer before 9th grade, Gigi slept over at Crystal’s house. Just like old times, except now both girls had quite a big secret they were hiding from each other, completely unbeknownst to the fact that it was the exact same secret. Gigi was going to tell her by the end of the night. She was SURE of it. The hours passed like minutes and before the girls knew it, the sun had completely set outside and the moon shone down into Crystal’s brightly coloured bedroom (some would think it’s decor is all over the place, but Gigi would describe it as being perfectly Crystal). The pair had settled into a slow, but somehow not very sleepy conversation despite the time, by around 1am. If Gigi was going to tell her, it was now or never. Before she could change her mind, Gigi had looked Crystal in the eye and started with “I really need to tell you something”. She had rambled on about how much she trusted Crystal, and how much she wanted her to accept this. Crystal didn’t have any idea what Gigi could possibly be leading up to, but she did absoluetly not expect to hear “I’m gay, Crys” coming from her friend’s mouth at 1 in the morning. 

The confession left Crystal speechless. Of course she didn’t judge Gigi, she was gay too! She was just shocked. How long had Gigi known? How long have they both known and didn’t tell eachother? It took Gigi’s tearful eyes and furrowed brows to tear Crystal out of her overthinking. Shit. She hadn’t even responded. 

“Crystal. Are you mad? Oh my god you’re mad aren’t you? Or like weirded out? I can go if you want. I get if you’re like uncomfortable with me staying over now-”

“Gi”

“-I don’t have to sleep in  your room. I’m sorry I told you. We never talk about this kind of stuff why did I think telling you would be ok? I-”

“Gigi!” Crystal shook Gigi’s shoulders to get her attention. Her eyes were bloodshot and Crystal cursed her brain for short circuiting when it did. She knew she had to tell Gigi now. 

“Me too” her voice came out as a whisper, but it cut through the silence of the room with ease. It was Gigi’s turn to be stunned into silence. Neither of the girls said anything. Crystal just hugged her friend. She didn’t stop until they woke up in the morning. That week, Crystal let her eyes linger on her friend a little longer than normal every time they passed each other at school. She found herself re-typing text messages and doing anything to speak to Gigi. She knew what all this meant, but she would not tell Gigi. It was  just a little crush. Everybody gets little crushes.

10th grade rolls around far too quickly than anyone would like to accept. Gigi and Crystal are as close as ever. Well, as close as ‘just friends’ can be, much to Crystal’s (hidden) dismay. Jan and Jackie, who had become very good friends with the pair in 9th grade, would constantly tease Crystal about her not-so-small-anymore crush on Gigi when the other girl wasn’t looking. Of course, Crystal hadn’t told them, but it wasn’t necessarily difficult for the couple to figure it out when she would stare at Gigi every chance she got. The teasing only got more painful about a month into 10th grade, when Gigi started dating the new student, Nicky. Suddenly, Crystal felt herself become awkward around her best friend - someone she used to feel so free with. It was easier to pretend she wasn’t falling in love with her when she was single. But now, now she had someone to be jealous of. Someone to remind her that clearly she’s just not good enough for Gigi. Every now and again, Gigi wouldn’t show up to their usual lunch table, leaving Crystal to third wheel with Jan and Jackie. On these days, Crystal didn’t bother looking for Gigi, she knew who she was with, and frankly she couldn’t bear to see them together. When she first saw the couple kiss, it made her stomach drop. Gigi was waiting for the bus when her friend sat next to her and made easy conversation. They were smiling and laughing until Nicky’s car (because of course she could drive) came to pick Gigi up. When she got in the car, the couple shared a moment far too intimate for Crystal’s liking. She pried her eyes away until she heard the car leave.

By Winter break, Gigi and Nicky had been dating for three months. Crystal wasn’t very familiar with how their relationship was going - she knew it would only hurt her if she always asked Gigi about it. If Gigi wanted to talk to her about it, she would bring it up, and apparently Gigi really didn’t want to talk to her about it. Crystal was fine with this. Well, Crystal was fine with this until there was a knock on her door at 11:58pm on a December night coming from the one and only Gigi Goode. Who was crying. Like, really crying. Crystal took the girl's hand and rushed her to her room, sitting her on the bed they had shared (platonically!!!!) many times before. She let her cry. Crystal had learned in her 16 years of life that sometimes, you just gotta cry. Still, the sight of her friend sobbing so much wasn’t an easy one to digest, nor was it one she had seen often. 

After god only knows how long, Gigi’s cries had died down, she was in Crystal’s pyjamas (which Crystal thought was too much for her brain to handle right now, but considering the situation she pushed these thoughts the the back of her mind, as if she hadn’t tried that for the past year anyway) and she was holding a glass of ice water between both hands. It was Crystal who broke the silence. 

“What’s up?” She was quiet, scared that speaking too loudly would cause the fragile girl infront of her to break down again. But she didn’t. Her brows furrowed and she had a look on her face that Crystal couldn’t quite place, something she wasn’t used to by any means after being friends for a good ten years now. 

“It’s nothing. Me and Nicky just had an argument”

“And this is why you came to my house in hysterics in the middle of the night in Winter. Ok, sure.” She deadpans. Gigi gave her a look as if to say ‘you bitch’ but there’s a fondness behind it nonetheless. 

“Ok fine. It’s more than nothing. It feels like all we ever do is argue anymore. We do like, two things; we argue or we mess around, yknow? And I’m kind of sick of it! It’s like I’m here for her to make out with and that’s all that we have going for us. That’s the only good thing. And shouldn’t there be more? Shouldn’t there be romance, and dates and shouldn’t we be able to be stupid in front of eachother and-” She started to cry again, though not as intense as before, definitely enough to stop her little rant. Crystal thought it was for the better, if she heard anymore of that she might start crying herself. She could give Gigi all of that. Hell, she already did for the most part.

Crystal was torn. She wanted to tell Gigi she should break up with Nicky. She knew it would be for the better, for both of them, but she still felt like it would be selfish of her to give that advice. She didn’t want to accidentally take advantage of Gigi, with her being in such a vulnerable space. So she tells Gigi the facts - well, she didn’t really have much (or any) experience so they could be completely false, but to her they seemed quite solid.

“Couples have honeymoon phases. They can’t keep their hands off each other because they’re so obsessed with this new person they have all to themselves and people get carried away. It’s human nature. But that dies down, or it should. Eventually. Couples argue. It’s healthy to disagree and make up every now and again but there comes a point where it’s just too much. I think you know where that point is. I can’t make it up for you, it’s not my relationship, babe” Crystal let the pet name slip without thinking too much about it. She was tired and it was a school night, and her friend was upset. She told herself it meant nothing. Gigi hugged her and fell asleep quite quickly, exhausted from her emotions having taken over.

Nicky was beautiful. Drop dead gorgeous. Painfully stunning. This was a fact, this was understood by boys and girls alike, gay straight or bi. Gigi was lucky to have her, or maybe she wasn’t. Crystal didn’t know anymore. She could see why Gigi had clearly fallen so hard for the french girl, with her fashion forward style and her thick accent that Crystal had no option to admit was just plain sexy. Again, this was all fact. Gigi was also beautiful. That’s why everyone loved them together. Aesthetically, their relationship just worked. But Crystal had a tear stained pillow and a broken girl to prove that aesthetics mean nothing unless there’s love there too. And Crystal loves Gigi. She always has, and probably always will. Crystal didn’t like Nicky. She didn’t like the knowing glares she would get as they passed each other in the hall. It was as if the french girl could read her damn mind and she didn’t like it one bit. It wound her up to no end. She also didn’t like how she would argue with Gigi until she would cry and cry and run to Crystal’s house, sobbing into her pillow. It became routine. The pillow was pushed to the side, specifically for when Gigi came to cry her mascara onto it. Nicky would always apologise the next day. Gigi would always accept it. Crystal felt more and more hopeless.

A few months later, the routine continues. Gigi sends Crystal a text one night in February at around midnight, to say she’s coming over (a new-ish development in the all too familiar routine) and Crystal prepares the signature glass of water and the tear-soaked pillow for her friend. When she opens the door after Gigi’s knocking, she is met with no tears. Actually, she is met with a smile. Crystal just stands there. Gigi walks casually up the staircase and into Crystal’s bedroom, taking the glass of water and sitting cross-legged on her bed, hugging the pillow, but not for emotional support - because it's just comfier. Crystal follows her, a million questions on the tip of her tongue. She sits opposite to Gigi.

“I broke up with Nicky”

Oh.

OH.

“Just now? Oh my god, are you ok?” Crystal hears herself replying before she even knows what to say, she’s glad she didn’t say something stupid.

“No actually, I broke up with her this morning. I was talking to Jan and Jackie about it earlier, but you weren’t there. Plus, I wanted to tell you like this anyways. Here. Feels like tradition. Like it’s come full circle.”

“Are you sure you’re ok though?” It’s honestly creepy to see Gigi so calm over Nicky, after all the tears she had spilled before.

“Yeah. I think it truly ended a long time ago.”

“Oh.”

It’s silent. Crystal feels tense. Like there’s something else to be said, like something else is going to happen. And she’s right. Because when she looks up, Gigi is staring at her, pupils wide and ears red. Crystal feels like she’s under a microscope. A breath gets stuck in her throat. Gigi giggles at it. She giggles and she inches forward. She inches forward and lifts her hands. She lifts her hands to Crystal’s face. And they’re kissing. They’re kissing and Crystal is smiling. When they pull away, Gigi has plump lips and a dumb smile on her face. Crystal loves it. They sit there for a minute, just staring at each other. Letting each other give the moment a second to sink in. When it does, they laugh. And then they talk about it. And then they kiss some more. And then they fall asleep. So what if it took Gigi a bad relationship to see what was standing right infront of her? Now they have each other, and that isn’t going to change.

[arcanesupern0va]

Rick In The Water; Ch10: Nothing Follows, Nothing Stays

Summary: This is part one of the Ryan debacle. Nova goes home, it's not pretty as I'm sure you could guess. 

A/N: OOOOF THIS WAS HARD TO WRITE. Also, sorry for any and all typos! I was exhausted when I was editing it and more than usual slipped through the cracks so when I get home tonight I’m gonna go through and fix em. Next chapter will be the fight from Nova's POV. Thank you so much for reading this far, it really means so much and I really hope it lives up to expectations. Also, I have a Spotify playlist with all the songs I've used as chapter titles, if you wanna check that out you can, but don't feel obligated or anything. It was just an easy way for me to keep track. ^^Also, I absolutely used the Titan Henchman from Batman: Arkham Asylum as inspiration for Ryan's speech patterns and stuff and his method of attack. I am just simply not that original. Hahaha. CW: VIOLENCE. There is so much violence in this chapter and violent language in regards to abuse. Pairing: Rick Sanchez/Reader Word Count: 6738

My ao3

Masterlist

|Ch9: Electric Feel|

“Wh-What are you doing? Y-You fucking love him?” Ryan bellowed, dodging the guard lasers to pull Rick away from me. I recoiled in terror, babbling incoherently as he towered over me. Fortunately, Rick was quick on his feet as always, recovering quickly from his surprise and forcing his way in between Ryan and me.

“H-Hey, get away the fuck from her man,” Rick told him dangerously. Ryan twitched violently, his face struggling between unbridled rage and ruinous heartbreak. I could only cower on the workbench, burying my face in my knees as my only defense.

“Th-That’s my fucking wife you piece of shit!” Ryan roared, pushing Rick out of his way again to grab my wrist. Ryan’s shouting had attracted the rest of the Smith household, all four of them appearing in the doorway to watch my life fall apart.

“Your wife in fucking name only,” Rick shot back, pushing him away from me again. “You only want her as your wife so you can have an all-access pass human fucking punching bag.”

Ryan didn’t respond, rearing back and delivering a sucker punch right to Rick’s stomach, knocking him to the floor to reach for me again, successfully pulling me off of the desk and dragging me out from the garage.

“H-Hey! Get your hands off of her!” Beth stepped in as Rick groaned on the floor, unable to recover as quickly this time. Ryan whirled around, an intense twitch contorting his face as he knocked Beth back onto the floor next to her father.

“Stay out of our lives you stupid bitch,” he hissed before pulling me back to our house as I fought against his grip.

“Ryan, you need to stop this,” I cried out weakly as he yanked the front door open, throwing me on the entryway floor. As soon as I started pushing myself up off the floor, Ryan grabbed my arm and dragged me into the living room.

“No (Y/N), you need to listen to me. You are my fucking wife, and you will respect me and everything I have fucking done for you.” He threw me into the couch and circled me, disgust and rage contorted his face now, the twitching had come to a stop. “I should’ve known with a stupid fucking whore like you, it wouldn’t take much to make loyalty waver. I just can’t believe you’d stoop so fucking low and start fucking your best friend’s father.”

“I want a divorce Ryan,” I told him with a force and determination that surprised both of us. Ryan snarled at me but I did my best to preserve that confidence and press further, “I don’t want to be your wife anymore. I don’t want anything to fucking do with you.”

“Well, that’s too fucking bad, because I’m not going to let you fuck me over just so you can go act out whatever fucked up daddy issues you have with that geriatric piece of shit. And if you think that you’re taking my daughter away from me…” he trailed off dangerously.

“I’m not staying here another fucking night with you,” I cried, unable to maintain my poise. “I don’t love you.”

“You don’t have to love me, but you will fucking respect me.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but an assault on the front door interrupted us. “Nova! Nova, let me in,” Rick called from the other side.

“Tell your little fuck boy to leave, (Y/N). Tell him whatever you need to, but make him leave. You’re never to see him again, but I guarantee if you go with him, if you even take too long at the door, you will never see Madison again,” Ryan promised darkly, pointing to the door. I stood, my entire body shaking as I approached the door. Rick was peering through the stained glass, trying his hardest to make out what was happening. I watched as a wave of relief washed over him when I opened the door, wiping my tears away.

“I need you to leave Rick,” I told him before he could speak, trying my hardest to sound stern. “What we had was fun but-”

“Don’t give me that shit Nova,” he rolled his eyes, “Where the fuck is he?”

My eyes flicked to the hallway where I knew Ryan was waiting for me, listening to every word. “I need you to leave. I don’t know what I’ve been thinking these past few weeks, but I was wrong. I don’t love you. I don’t want you. If you’ve cared for me at all, you’ll just leave me the fuck alone. Leaving people is something you’re good at anyway, it should be easy for you.” It was a low blow, but it landed exactly how I intended.

He stared blankly at me for a moment before simply turning on his heel and walking away. I wanted to chase after him, to tell him I was sorry and that I didn’t mean it but I needed to end this myself, once and for all. Madi couldn’t grow up without her father and involving Rick would only end one way. I could only hope that one day, he would forgive me.

“Is he gone?” Ryan demanded as I rounded the corner. I nodded, trying to resist the urge to cry again. I traced the panic button again for the first time in months before a horrifying realization occurred to me.

He had a new body. I had no means to contact him. His receiver for my panic button was gone.

The tears started again, and I silently wept as Ryan continued his tirade. I only picked up on bits and pieces, more name-calling and more vague threats. I just had to make it until Madi got home. I just had to make it until I could make sure she was safe.

*+*

The first week back in my own home was horrifying. Through every verbal beatdown, through every backhand for perceived disrespect, I just continued reminding myself that the summer was almost over. Madison would be home from camp by the end of the month and I would finally put my foot down and tell Ryan I’d had enough.

In the meantime, my cellphone had been confiscated, locks put on all of the electronic devices and Ryan even went the extra mile to put up surveillance cameras around the house to ensure he could have an eye on me at any given moment. He had isolated me completely but my heart only ached for Rick. No responses whenever I would press that button proved my theory. Either Rick wasn’t getting them, or in the most heartbreaking of circumstances, he just didn’t care anymore.

Most days I would wake up and make Ryan’s breakfast, before excusing myself to the shower where I would sit on the floor and weep to myself. I couldn’t believe I was back here, that I was back to living in terror every day. At least before I had the ignorance of thinking there was no escape but now I knew there was someone who cared about me even if he wasn’t the best at outwardly showing it.

One tactic Ryan would employ to continue breaking down whatever self-confidence I had left was to insist Rick was just using me for a quick lay. If he truly cared about me, why wasn’t he here? Why wasn’t he breaking down that door if he loved me so much? And some nights, when I laid down next to a man who seemed only to exist to make my life a living hell, I would find myself believing it, even if only for a moment.

One week before Madison was due to come home, I was starting dinner when I heard screaming coming from next door. It wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary, Beth laid into her father almost daily for not getting me the hell out of there. The screaming matches usually never featured Rick’s voice, though I found myself craving the sound desperately. Instead, it was just Beth having what sounded like a one-sided argument with someone who just didn’t seem to care. This fight had been different, though this one had someone fighting back.

“You need to fucking leave, Jerry,” Beth shouted coldly. I resisted the urge to peek through the blinds, knowing if Ryan was watching he would rain down terror on me as soon as he got home.

“B-Beth, I’m sorry but maybe if your Dad hadn’t been sleeping with your best friend, someone who is old enough to be his freaking daughter, she wouldn’t be in this situation.” Jerry insisted desperately. His words stilled me to the core with wild thoughts of what Beth and Jerry knew about the brief tryst I’d shared with her father.

“Whatever was happening between two consenting adults is none of your fucking business Jerry. Just fucking leave, I can’t handle your stupid fucking face anymore.”

Oh, Beth.

“You’re willingness to forgive everything your father does is going to ruin everything we’ve built together.”

“We’ve built?” I could hear the hysterical disbelief in her voice as she laughed, “Everything you have right now is because of me.”

“I-I’ve contributed!” Jerry protested but Beth offered no validation, slamming the front door behind her. I returned to my cooking, distracted now as I mourned for my friend, wishing I could offer any kind of consolation, anything to help her feel better.

+Rick+

Jesus fucking christ these fucking women. Beth screaming reverberated throughout the house, making it hard to focus on my work. I needed something to take my mind off of the broken face of the girl next door. I’m not fucking stupid, I knew that fucking dick had something over her head, but she pushed me away. I’m not going to chase someone who won’t fucking learn. I listened to him scream at her day in and day out, only telling myself it’s what she wanted, it’s what she told me to do.

It didn’t mean it didn’t feel like my soul was being ripped from my fucking body with every sound of broken glass or knocked over furniture.

Beth finding out about our affair was… awkward. She didn’t quite know how to process the information at first but Jerry had sent it into overdrive. He screamed for hours after Fuckwad dragged her out of my arms about how disgusting I was, how it was wrong for me to go after someone so vulnerable. I had no response for him, other than rolling my eyes and disappearing into my room.

My room still reeked of her, yet another opportunity for a searing pain through my gut. I found her bra tucked behind my bed and the wall and in an embarrassing moment of weakness I breathed in her scent off of the lacy fabric before chucking it aside, disgusted with myself. I sunk onto my bed defeated and stared at the wall for what felt like hours as the sun went down outside leaving me in the dark with only the cool blue light from my TV to show how far I had fallen.

Being back in the dark with that dim blue lighting brought back intrusive echoes of her screaming my name and it was like I could still hear her panting as she rode out her climax. It was all too much. I stood up and fled desperately from the room, making a beeline for the garage, ignoring Morty and Summer’s calls as I passed. Morty gave up, but Summer followed me into the garage, unwilling to give up on her campaign.

“Grandpa, you’re going to go get Aunt Nova, right?” she demanded, her hand on her hip as she glared at me.

“Sh-She doesn’t want my help Summer, there’s nothing I can do,” I told her wearily.

Next door was silent, Fuckwad’s tirade must be over for the night. I was tempted to portal over and abscond with her but during the scuffle with Ryan, the bastardized portal gun had been knocked off of the desk, shattering the glass that held the portal formula. I had another one in the works, but it just kept getting pushed back and when I needed it, I wasn’t ready.

“What are you talking about? You’ve taken on worse things than some abusive fucking narcissist,” Summer insisted, “We took on the fucking Gazorpian male, you can do this.”

“I-I don’t know how to get this through your thick fucking skull Summer. She. Doesn’t. Want. My. Help. She doesn’t want me.” I told her plainly, ignoring the hitch in my throat.

“Smartest man in the universe my fucking ass,” she muttered under her breath. “Aunt Nova is probably worried about Madi. He probably threatened her or something.”

“Wh-Wh-What makes you an expert on her all of a sudden?” I spat back at her, ignoring the possibility.

“Lifetime.”

“Get the fuck out, Summer,” I dismissed her, turning to my workbench to continue on my new portal gun.

“Look, I don’t know what she said to you, I don’t know how she might’ve hurt your minuscule feelings but I’ve been deliberately ignoring how she looks at you and how you look at her. How the two of you are constantly just a little too close to each other, like, all the time. Aunt Nova loves you and you love her,” she finished, proud of her conclusion.

“I don’t know what you think you saw, but we just f-fucked one time, i-i-it wasn’t anything serious.”

“Oh fuck off Grandpa,” she winced, “You’re worried about her. You can’t even say her fucking name. We have to get her back.”

“Summer th-this isn’t some crazy fucking adventure.” I quickly turned to face her as fury dripped from my voice. “This is a grown woman’s life and h-her choices are her own. Sh-She already told me she doesn’t lo-care about me.”

“She said she doesn’t love you?” Summer asked, the pity written all over her face.

“It doesn’t matter Summer,” I told her, reverting to my weary tone and going back to my gun. “Sh-She’s gone and if I try to go after her that fucking douchebag is just going to kill her.”

“Go over there when he isn’t home!”

“He just spent all day yesterday putting up cameras all over that house,” I reminded her, bored.

“So I’ll go over there. I’m like Switzerland right now.”

“If anyone goes over there and tries to see her, it doesn’t end well,” I sighed, “She’ll leave when she’s ready.”

“I can’t believe after everything Aunt Nova has done for this family you’re going to abandon her again!” Summer accused shrilly.

”I can’t be the reason anything else happens to her Summer,” I told her weakly, glad to be facing away from her as tears trickled down my cheek. “J-J-Just leave me the fuck alone Summer.”

I avoided her gaze, standing up and heading to my ship. I yanked the door open and climbed inside, leaving a confused but determined Summer behind.

*+*

The month passed by at a snail’s pace, and I never saw her come out of her house once. I started worrying, briefly, that he had already killed her. Thankfully, now and then I would see her in a window or if I was lucky to watch her as she cleaned the house. She never met my gaze, almost purposefully so. Summer was still constantly up my ass trying to get me to go over there but I couldn’t do it. I told myself I was leaving her alone as she asked, I knew I couldn’t take her rejection again. Deep down I knew she was lying, she had to be but the wound stung.

When I finally did see her outside, Fuckwad was leading her to his car. She wore a large pair of dark sunglasses, a long dress, and a sweater. I was willing to bet that underneath all of those layers, her soft skin was littered with purples and blues. I stood at the edge of the garage but she never looked up, not once. She wobbled on the high heeled sandals she was wearing, her ankle sprained. I watched as they pulled out of the driveway and disappeared down the street, my fury turning everything around me red.

I had to get her out of there. I couldn’t let this continue any fucking longer.

I paced the garage, trying to figure out the best possible way to execute a plan of attack. She was waiting for Madison to come home, that much was clear. After everything she told me about him, I knew there was no love for him left in her heart. This wasn’t for him, she was letting him do this because of Madi. Her daughter was her world. Beth knocked sharply on the garage door, letting herself in to observe my pacing.

“They went to get Madison,” she told me abruptly after a long silence. “Do you think Nova will come back when she can make sure she’s safe?”

“She’s not staying another night in that house, Beth. Either she leaves of her own volition or I will go over there and drag her out myself,” I assured her darkly, staring up at the house.

“Nova didn’t look good, he’s hurting her again and it’s worse than before,” Beth lamented. I nodded softly, not meeting my daughters piercing gaze. “Look, Dad, I heard what you told Summer awhile back. Did… Do you love her?”

I couldn’t answer right away. Talking about feelings at all was not my strong point but at this point, it didn’t even matter anymore. Everyone already knew. “Yeah,” I confirmed with a sigh, returning to check my new portal gun, desperate for any distraction.

“H-How long has this been going on?” Beth pressed nervously. “D-Did Mom-”

“Jesus Beth no!” I spat, turning to face her wearing a look of disgust, “Nothing started until I came back.”

“Did you actually sleep with her?”

“Do you really want the answer to that question?”

“Not really,” she conceded with a sigh. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea. I always knew she idolized you, I mean, she got drunk one night and told me went into cosmetology because she loved watching you mixing chemicals. I guess I’m just more surprised with you.”

“S-Sweetie, I know your mom and I weren’t very romantic with each other. S-She was a brilliant lady but the only l-love we shared was a love of science. But this, this is different, it always has been,” I confessed. She shook her head in gentle disbelief, seeming to consider her words before she spoke.

“Did you have feelings for her before you left?” I knew she was just trying to make sense of things but her questioning was starting to get under my skin.

“I mean, not like that? She was too young and immature for me back then, but I could see in her traits and qualities that I admired, sure.”

“Did you leave because of it?”

“J-Jesus fucking christ Beth,” I shouted in frustration. She was far smarter than I ever gave her credit for. “No, that’s not why I left.”

A little white lie wouldn’t hurt her, right?

“I guess it just makes sense while simultaneously blowing my mind,” Beth shrugged, staring up at the house next door. “She was never quite the same after you left. She always tried to act like she was fine and she did an amazing job of it, but she never quite smiled the same. I didn’t see that smile again until you came back.”

I didn’t respond, but I stopped my pacing next to her and looked up at the house. “H-How did she end up with that prick anyway?”

She shrugged again, “He paid attention to her I guess. Made her feel validated and slowly started taking that validation away. The only thing Nova’s ever wanted was to feel loved and wanted. He gave her that, at first.”

“M-Mom, what’s for dinner?” Morty interrupted us. I kept my back to him, continuing to stare up at the shell of a home next door. There was no warmth when you looked at it, only cold calculation. Beth rested a hand on my shoulder for a moment before leading Morty back into the kitchen with talk of Hamburger Helper.

I waited for hours, fiddling with my portal gun even though it was in perfect working order. Beth brought my dinner into the garage and while I thanked her, all but a few bites were left to grow cold next to me. Instead, I started downing liquor, back to back shots left and right, trying to quell the nerves that were boiling within as I waited.

Finally, with a small amount of mercy, I heard their car pulling up next door. I had shut the lights off earlier in anticipation of their arrival to try my hardest to go unnoticed. I edged over to the dark corner of the garage to watch the family pour out of the overpriced sedan. She still wore the same outfit, but with her sunglasses removed, I could see the dingy color circling her eye paired with a deep gash through her brow.

Oh baby, no.

With her sunglasses off, I caught her eye as she unpacked the trunk. She smiled the briefest of smiles, hiding it quickly when Ryan came around the back of the car. It wasn’t quick enough it seemed as he stared at her for a moment before he found me skulking in the garage.

“Madison, take this inside,” he ordered, extending a small suitcase out to his daughter. She took it quickly, obviously wanting no part of her father’s ire. Once Madi disappeared into the house, he grabbed her arm tightly, twisting it behind her back, muttering softly into her ear as he glared over at me. I wanted to storm across the lawn and break his arm to start but she found my gaze again, shaking her head ever so slightly. I breathed deeply, taking another drink as I watched him shut the trunk lead her into the house.

And it went quiet, for a while. Lights flicked on and off as they prepared for bed and I pulled my chair out to watch intently. I knew he could see me, but at this point, I just didn’t care. I was taking her and Madison out of there if I had to kill him to do it. I waited until all the visible light went out, first the main light in Madison’s room, leaving only a string of Christmas lights to illuminate the window. Next was the living room, then the upstairs hallway and then their bedroom. I hesitated a moment, returning my chair to the garage and beginning to pace around again, trying to figure out the most opportune time to strike. I wanted to wait until I was sure he was asleep, as bad as I wanted him dead, she was the priority. Her and Madison. I waited an hour, staring at their bedroom window watching for any movement.

Just as I poised to strike, Madison’s light flipped on before quickly turning back off. I raised my eyebrow as the hallway light flipped on after before the master bedroom turned on and an ear-piercing shriek rang out from the house. I froze for a moment, my brain telling my body to move but nothing happened. Madison, covered in blood, tore out from the house continuing her shrieking as she approached.

“He’s gonna kill her, Dad’s going to kill Mom, please Mr. Sanchez, please do something.” She hadn’t even finished her statement before I was bolting up to the front door, ripping it off its hinges as I entered the house. I took the stairs to the second floor two at a time, stunned at the stained red I found on the hallway carpet. I shook my head to straighten my head, shoving all of the worst possibilities out of my mind as tore down the hallway, kicking open the bedroom door to find a horrifying sight within.

“Nova!” I cried out, deflecting a sneak attack from Ryan who had been perched behind the door. “Oh not right now you fucking pathetic waste of a man.” I picked him up, launching him into the dresser. She was on the floor, bleeding freely from a deep wound on her stomach, her face swollen and bloodied as well.

How in the fuck had I not heard this?

“R-Rick,” she sputtered up at me, spraying my face with blood, “R-Rick, I-I’m so s-sorry. I-I didn’t mean it.” She was fading fast but Ryan was climbing back to his feet. He greeted me with a look of pure unbridled rage, growling as he launched at me again. I blocked him easily, sidestepping to send him barrelling into the wall. As he spun around to look at me viciously again, Beth appeared at the bedroom door, looking horrified at the sight within.

“Beth! Get her out of here. She’s bleeding pretty fucking bad,” I ordered. She obeyed immediately, putting Nova’s arm around her shoulders.

“She mine!” Ryan growled, turning his attack to Beth. I intercepted him, restraining him against the wall.

“Get her the fuck out of here!” I bellowed again. Beth led her away, leaving me to contend with the hulked out Ryan. “So I guess the dampener finally fully broke huh? That’s a damn shame,” I taunted him, “Should’ve stayed the way you were, you would’ve lived longer.”

“You take wife! You die!” he bellowed, using his rage to break out my hold on him.

“I-I thought I told you this already you walking fucking imbecile, she’s not yours, not anymore,” I taunted him, easily stepping out the way of his attempt to barrel into me. I couldn’t take him in a fistfight right now, and pulling out my gun would leave me vulnerable, even for a second. I was just going to have to tire the brute out.

“She MY wife! She no love you!” He bellowed, running at me again.

“See, that’s kind of funny, considering how many times she screamed it as I buried my cock into her,” I sneered at him. His face somehow turned even redder with rage as he ran at me again, this time swinging his arms wildly in an attempt to grab onto my lab coat.

“You dead man!”

“I-I’m thinking not there pal. See, when I’m done here I’m going to go back to my house-” I swerved out of his reach for another attack, “-and I’m going to lay her down and eat the fuck out of her pussy-” I dodged him again, jumping on the bed to send him flying into her bedside table, “-I bet you’ve never even tasted how sweet she tastes when she’s just come all over your hand- or well, my hand.”

“I kill you, science man. You never touch (Y/N) again.” He roared. Realizing his running attack wasn’t working the way he wanted he relented, opting instead to start throwing broken furniture across the room.

Ducking the projectiles, I continued my taunting, “And the way she feels when she slides onto your- oop, sorry again, my cock, god she just has the best fucking pussy? When was the last time you got to slide right in there and watch her just fucking enjoy how it felt having you inside of her? Never?”

“Stop talk about (Y/N). I kill you now.”

He lunged at me again, this time brandishing a bloodied leg from the broken chair in the corner. It caught my shoulder, pulling me along for the ride as we collided into the wall. Realizing one of his attacks had finally landed, he let out a victory roar as he grabbed my coat, flinging me into the headboard. I felt the slats underneath break underneath me as the bed bowed inward.

“Y-You know what the best part is, you bumbling fucking moron? N-Not the sex, not the way she made me come. I-I could’ve lived rest of my life without having that, e-even though it’s a great benefit,” I grunted, grinning maliciously at him as I pulled myself up from the broken bed, “N-No, the best part was that she wanted to be there with me, every fucking smile, every fucking laugh was far more genuine than you could’ve ever produced from her. But you never cared about that part of her though, did you? You just wanted a fucking house slave to beat whenever you stubbed your fucking toe.”

“I do love my (Y/N)!” he bellowed back, his anger only proving my point, “She mine Rick, if I can’t have her, neither will you. I made sure of that! She dead now!”

“O-Oho buddy, Beth’s taking care of her right fucking now. My Nova will walk away from this, with me.”

Ryan’s chest heaved quickly, almost like he was trying desperately to catch his breath. He tried to lunge at me again but only fell to his knees, clutching his chest desperately. I was caught off guard, watching the man in front of me cough desperately as his legs became stiff and he tumbled gracelessly to the floor. Was this motherfucker really having a fucking heart attack right now? After all those dramatics and stunted speech? I stood over him, watching him gasp for air, a grin spreading quickly over my face.

“I’m gonna watch you take your last breath you, piece of fucking shit. Who’s the geriatric old fuck now?”

I watched as he convulsed on the floor and spouted out incoherent nonsense, mostly regarding Nova, some insulting me. I enjoyed every last torturous moment of his pathetic existence. Laid out on his back, vomiting would ultimately be his downfall as it lodged in his throat. He sputtered, unable to roll onto his side and clear his airway. When the light finally left his eyes and the color was drained from his face, I turned on my heel not even sparing a parting glance as I walked back through the house. The blood in the hallway quickened my pace and by the time I made it to the door, I sprinted across the yard and into the house.

Beth had Nova laid out on the dining room table, desperately applying pressure to her open wound. Morty and Summer had taken Madi into the living room, fruitlessly trying to comfort the poor girl as she wailed in between them. At least they had been able to get here out of her bloodied clothes. She spotted me in an instant and rushed over to me desperately, stopping short of running into me as she looked up at me with pleading red eyes.

“I-Is he d-d-dead?” she stammered through her sobbing. I nodded curtly, focusing on Beth tending to Nova. The bleeding had mostly stopped, but Nova was still unresponsive. I started to move closer when a pair of arms wrapped around my midsection, squeezing tightly. “Th-Thank you,” she murmured. I patted her back awkwardly before gently pushing her away to finally make it Nova’s side. Her t-shirt had been ripped through the middle, leading to the gory wound on her stomach. My chest ached at the sight, only able to stare at her in shock.

“Oh, Dad, thank god,” Beth cried, finally noticing my presence, “She’s stable but she won’t wake up and I don’t know if I got all of the shards out of her and I don’t know what to do- D-Do we take her to the hospital?”

“B-Beth, I’ll take it from here,” I assured her, regaining control over my limbs to scoop Nova off of the table and carry her into the garage.

I grabbed my portal gun from the table and opened one to the same hospital we had to take Jerry to when he got into my Cherry Garcia, Beth and the kids following behind me. We were greeted by a tall slender nurse who quickly took Nova from my arms, resting her on a gurney as he carted her away. I gave him a brief rundown of the situation, that she was human, she’s been attacked and there might be shrapnel from the attack still lodged inside of her. I was sent back out into the waiting room to let the doctors help her.

“What happened with Ryan?” Beth asked sharply as soon as I plopped into the uncomfortable chair. I sighed, feeling more exhausted than I had in years as I leaned back in the chair.

“He’s dead,” I shrugged, turning to watch the interdimensional cable, honestly surprised to find it still here.

“H-How did he die? Did you kill him?” Summer needled quickly, a frankly evil look in her eyes. I looked over at Madi who was currently resting against her and stared at her for a moment before returning Summer and shaking my head at her tactlessness.

“Not here Summer, not in front of Madi.”

“I-I wanna know. He’s my dad, I’m gonna find out eventually,” Madi insisted morosely.

“H-He had a fucking heart attack. I guess he was so angry, his heart couldn’t take it and just gave out,” I told him, staring back up at the screen.

Beth snorted, “That’s fitting.”

“Yea, I thought so too.”

Silence fell over the five of us as we waited for news on Nova, absently watching the TV. I knew she would be fine, she had to be, but as doctors and nurses appeared out of the swinging doors and went to everyone but us, my nerves went into overdrive. I wanted to just sleep to pass the time, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw Nova lying there on the floor broken and beaten within an inch of her life. How the fuck had I not heard her screaming? I had to listen to every other fucking fight the two had but the one that mattered, the one that almost cost her her life slipped under my radar? She hadn’t even tried to contact me, didn’t even try to use her panic button as she called it to tell me she needed help.

The same doctor who had treated Jerry approached us, breaking me away from my thoughts has he regarded his chart, “Are you guys here with, ah, Nova?” he asked calmly.

“Yes! Yes, that’s us! Is she okay? How is she?” Beth leaped from her seat, nodding frantically.

He didn’t respond, instead, he led us down a long corridor to a small room where Nova rested comfortably, looking worse for wear as she smiled up at us. Still, I was grateful that she looked lightyears better than when I had last seen her. Her face was still swollen, small cuts deemed too unimportant to heal immediately still littered her face but the larger injuries were all but gone. Madi rushed to her side, weeping into her mother as Nova gently patted her back soothingly.

“Nova is going to fine, Mrs. Smith,” the doctor assured Beth serenely, “We were able to remove all of the wood from her wounds and heal her most threatening wounds. She’ll be sore for the next couple days but she will heal completely.”

“Thank you, Doctor, thank you so much,” Beth gushed. He nodded his head wisely before leaving the room. Beth turned back to Nova, surveying her from head to toe, “Nova, how are you feeling? What happened?”

“Jeez Mom, calm the hell down,” Summer chastised her sharply before turning back to her aunt, “Aunt Nova, I’m so glad you’re alright.” Madi moved away to allow Summer the chance to hug her tightly, wiping away tears as she pulled away.

“I’m okay you guys, the man with the oddly shaped head said I’ll be able to leave whenever I’m ready,” Nova assured Beth, looking up at her best friend. Beth moved in to hug her next, holding her tightly as she sobbed into her shoulder.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you, Nova,” she cried as Nova rubbed her back soothingly. “He’s gone Nova, he’s dead,” Beth told her seriously, pulling away to look her in the eyes.

“What happened?” Nova asked quietly, finally looking up at me.

“His heart gave out,” I shrugged, “I didn’t even have to lay a finger on him. It was pretty anti-climatic really.”

She was quiet a moment, digesting my words before turning her gaze on Madi. “I’m so sorry sweetheart,” she consoled her daughter softly. Madi’s face hardened at her mother’s apology and she stood up quickly from the bed.

“I’m glad he’s dead Mom.”

“Y-You don’t mean that,” Nova insisted, pulling the blanket off of her lap to move closer to her.

“I do mean that. Dad was a monster a-and after what he did to you? He deserved to die,” Madi told her mother coldly. Nova was silent, slumping back onto the bed in defeat.

“N-Nova, sweetie, what happened?” Beth asked again, caution in her voice as her eyes flicked to Summer.

“I-I don’t want to talk about, not here,” she sighed, standing up and gathering her belongs, “When we get home, I promise I’ll explain.” Beth conceded, shooing the kids from the room so Nova could change.

“D-Do you need help?” I asked softly when the door finally shut behind Beth. Nova shook her head sharply, turning her back to me as she pulled on her blood-soaked sweats under the long hospital gown. “Y-You don’t have to wear those, I can get you something else,” I insisted.

“No Rick, don’t worry about it,” she muttered, pulling them over her hips before grabbing her shirt.

“Come on Nova, let me get you something else, let me help you,” I insisted, reaching over to grab the shirt out of her hands.

“Oh, now you want to fucking help?” she hissed, turning around to finally face me.

“Y-Yes?” I sputtered, flabbergasted.

“That’s pretty fucking funny, could’ve used it a lot fucking sooner.” she hissed, ripping the shirt back out of my hand and pulling it over her head defiantly.

“N-Nova, you told me to leave you alone. You told me you didn’t want me anymore. I didn’t know what to do. B-Beth thought you were just waiting for Madi to come home-”

“N-No! I mean just a couple of fucking hours ago when my husband almost fucking killed me.”

“Wh-What? I was there as soon as I could be- as soon as I heard anything,” I insisted.

“The moment we walked in the door, it was over. He was out for my fucking blood.” Her tone cut me to the bone, I let her down. I fucking let her down when she needed it most.

“I-I didn’t hear anything Nova, I’m sorry,” I apologized, completely defeated. “Y-You didn’t use your panic button- I was going to get you out of there tonight, I-I didn’t know.”

“I did use my fucking panic button,” she told me venomously, “but I guess it doesn’t fucking work when the body housing its receiver is floating through the vacuum of fucking space.”

God. Fucking. Dammit.

“I didn’t- I didn’t even think about that.” I confessed hopelessly, “I just thought- I mean I heard you guys fighting but I thought if he was hurting you-”

“I used that fucking panic button every fucking night.”

“I’m sorry Nova, I’m so fucking sorry. I let you down.”

“I thought you gave up on me. I know what I said to you was cruel but I thought you would be smart enough to see right through it. Guess you let your ego get in the way.”

“Baby, I’m sorry,” I cried softly. Her hard gaze was replaced by a gentle one as she moved closer to me. “I never gave up on you, I just- I thought you had a plan, that you were just waiting for Madison- I just let myself believe what you said so I wouldn’t beat down the door and potentially put her at risk.”

“I was waiting for Madi. You were at least right about that,” she conceded. Sighing, she pulled the shirt back off, allowing me a view of the long wound down her stomach, “I can’t wear this shit, can you find me something else?”

“Of course.”

+Ch11: Exit Wounds+

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS episode 8 commentary (Yu)

So, in my opinion, I think the episodes we’ve seen up until now could be more or less enjoyed to the fullest by newcomers and/or people who haven’t seen Rainbow Live. 

But from here on out, there is a notable change. And I really mean from here on out: Episodes 8 - 12 basically require having seen Pretty Rhythm Rainbow Live to be fully understood I think. 

So if you watched this episode and thought wait.... why did they just skip over Yu’s backstory like that!?!

Two words: Rainbow Live. 

Anyway let’s get started.

I’m surprised the subber knew the correct spelling to ViviC Heart Session. That takes.... research!? ....Wait, it’s in the credits. Still, that’s some non-linear translation. 

Also I kinda wonder when and where ViviC Heart Session came from in canon. Yeah it’s the Pride the Hero ending, but there is a whole story on how they made and performed Dramatic Love for the Christmas concert, but nothing on ViviC Heart Session as far as I know. 

If you’re wondering why they’re all acting so weird, there have already been not one but TWO different story arcs in the Prism Rush Main Story about Yu ambitiously deciding to write songs and biting off way more than he could chew ahah.... 

They know. 

So this kinda dates this episode? Sort of? Despite the way it seems in episode 1, clearly the Prism One doesn’t take place right after it was announced ahah. 

The way Yu says this line makes me think it’s probably been a month or so already. 

So maybe it was announced in July-August (episode 1 takes place in “summer”), and happened in September-October, something like that?

So like literally JUST as I was thinking to myself “wow the subs have really gotten better in this episode....” THIS had to happen... How dare you translate Taiga’s “IT’S A FESTIVAL” as “party time”................

Oh well. Honestly though, aside from this, this episode has the best subs so far, BY FAR. 

Been wondering for months how they would sub MUGEN HABUUUUUU because I had no idea how I would do it myself ahah.

Although they don’t state it explicitly, it’s pretty clear this episode takes place in Okinawa. Among many other things, I think it’s the only place in Japan with habu. 

I may or may not have thought way too hard for too long about how Taiga and Kakeru ended up in this boat together. 

I mean I would like to think Taiga chose Kakeru as his partner in good faith that they could work well together. 

BUT KAKERU ISN’T EVEN ROWING COME ON 

HE’S JUST ENJOYING THE VIEW

THE VIEW BEING TAIGA IF YOU DIDN’T GET MY DRIFT

I suppose it could have been random pairs, but Shin and Leo also ended up together and that seems not random ahah. Speaking of which...

When I saw this episode for the first time I saw it as a 3-pack with Leo’s episode coming right before (the theatrical Part 3). So I had just gone though Leo’s episode for the first time and all the baggage that came with it less than 10 minutes earlier. 

And needless to say I was VERY MUCH NOT OVER IT AND EXPERIENCING VERY HIGH EMOTIONS ABOUT LEO

So during this scene I was like like

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MY SONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

SAVE HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It actually took me until at least my second or third viewing to catch Kakeru trying to take a selfie with Taiga in the background there and I lost my shit. 

BTW I just want to mention that ViviC Heart Session was made for this episode. Well yes I know it wasn’t literally made for this episode, but it’s always sounded tropical for me and it just could not be more perfect.

I have been wondering for months what Taiga says here and I’m still not sure. (Not that I think this subtitle is wrong, but I mean I can’t make out the Japanese he uses. I just know folks in the theater laugh about it. Or they could just be laughing at Taiga’s method of escaping from Yu.)

Me at cheering: “IT’S SHIN. PICK UP.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

I wonder if like, they all got together and tried to figure out who Yu was least likely to hang up on.

But seriously though

WHO COULD EVER HANG UP ON SHIN

YOU MONSTER 

I said once that Jin was the best voicework in SSS, but Taiga man I dunno. Taiga is up there too. This scream is just so..... BRILLIANT..........

My reaction here changes from “OMG TAIGA ARE YOU OK” to just laughing hysterically. Sometimes in the same showing. Taiga I’m sorry. 

My new desktop background.

Seriously this episode is just SO BEAUTIFUL. 

Such a simple plot, but such amazing atmosphere and visuals that really take it SO MUCH FURTHER.

If I stopped to take screenshots of everything I thought looked amazing this post would never end. So just know I’m definitely thinking it. Just goddamn. 

For a long time I wondered how and why Minato found about about this.

But then I realized it actually makes a lot of sense.

So remember in my last post when I talked about my theory that Minato and Yu probably joined Edel Rose at the same time? Well, when Yu met Leo, basically the first thing he did was brag about knowing Over the Rainbow. So he probably did the same to Minato, and/or Minato just noticed him being way too friendly with Kouji. 

Considering Minato entered Edel Rose FOR KOUJI there is no way he wouldn’t notice that and wonder about it. 

So one day he probably worked up the courage to ask Kouji about it, and.....

Oh boy. 

BTW if you’re thinking huh? Yu’s family was separated? What? 

See: The Ito/Kouji plot in Rainbow Live. (And bring tissues.)

Just the comparison of how fast he picks up here. Even though the first thing he does is complain to her it’s like.... HALF A SECOND from when he sees it’s Ito to when he answers omg..... 

So I kinda questioned this subtitle here. Because the literal Japanese is just him saying “IT’S LATE!” 

So I always thought he meant it like “Do you know what time it is!?”

But then I thought about it some more. And I remembered the Rose Party 2018 event, where the voice actors played a game where they all decided new aspects of the characters. And one of the things that were tasked with deciding (at the afternoon performance I believe) was what Yu does every night before he goes to bed. And one of the answers was “discusses life problems with Ito”. 

So, maybe Ito does call Yu every night so he had been waiting on a call from her for a while.... 

And if so, in that context this subtitle is spot on. 

You win, Crunchyroll. 

Cheering audience: “THAT WAY”

Yu was so impressive Kakeru stopped taking pictures of Taiga for a full minute. 

DID I MENTION THIS EPISODE IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL 

But so like. As soon as they started heading up the hill. Like practically from when they called his name, I was like..... Yu’s gonna cry. 

So then it was many long, long seconds of anticipation.....

until finally this.....

And I was not disappointed. 

Of all the beautiful things in this episode, I think the most beautiful thing may just be Yu’s crying animation here. He’s such a beautiful crier. 

I love this scene so much. It brings me so much joy. Because he’s not crying because he’s hurt or sad. 

He’s crying because he realized he has friends. 

HE’S CRYING BECAUSE HE HAS FRIENDS

YU

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

You know, I didn’t even realize Taiga was hiding behind Kakeru until someone in the stream pointed it out.

Am I an asshole because this is Yu’s episode but most of my favorite moments involve Taiga/Kakeru. 

HUG HIM

HUG HIMMMMMM

OH MY GAWD I have NEVER so desperately wanted to reach through the screen and hug an anime character

Also Leo always cries when anyone else is crying. 

I spent so much time looking at Kakeru and Minato that I didn’t even realize Taiga too..... They’re BOTH sleeping on top of Minato omg.....

Also I can’t help but laugh that Leo is the big spoon on Shin. But it doesn’t surprise me. If you read Prism Rush stuff, Leo aggressively cuddling Shin in his sleep is nothing new.

Damn but. Okay so like, another way in which seeing this episode right after Leo’s influenced me is, during Leo’s episode I kept thinking about what PriPara coords were closest to the outfits that the boys were wearing and how I was totally gonna record arcade videos with them. 

And then we get to this and I was like OH MAN I can’t wait until that outfit comes out so I can put it on my character.... then I was like.... WAIT.....

And I realized this is basically the only idol anime I watch currently where I can’t have the clothes and I was like......... ahhhh.... not fair..........

Seriously though it is kind of odd. For me anyhow.

But also because they don’t have to worry about an arcade game for King of Prism, they have a lot more freedom. Like in a show like this, usually all the important coords that season will all uniformly have wings or holograms or otherwise follow some kind of a theme.

But with this it’s like... WHATEVER. Give Yu a huge floaty cross?? SURE WHY NOT!!!! ahah......

PRISM LIIIIVE

Okay so I know this animation is straight from Rainbow Live. 

But this lightning guitar here, it’s a recolor of Sara’s guitar from PriChan isn’t it?

And if it is, this’s the first/only specifically PriChan (not PriPara) reference I know of in SSS.

So I guess the Prism System doesn’t score Prism Lives for boys yet, huh....?

So one Prism Live + one jump = this. 

But I suppose you could also argue that although Yu’s show was super personal and meaningful to him, he really didn’t do much for the audience did he? (The in-universe audience I mean, as it did plenty for me haha.) It was a rather street-style show in that aspect when you think about it. 

Oh well, I guess no matter what someone has to be last................................

Ah man anyway this episode.

So when I saw it for the first time, it actually didn’t leave that much of an impression on me. But that’s because it was a bit overshadowed by how EXTREMELY EMOTIONALLY DISTRAUGHT I was from Leo’s episode, and then I ended up leaving the theater thinking about the um, surprise that’s gonna happen next week in Alexander’s episode. So this episode kinda fell by the wayside. 

I was actually kinda jealous of how much you guys in the stream were freaking out about it. It really made me wish I had the chance to see it independently without the influence of Leo and Alexander. There are definitely advantages to watching these week-to-week instead of in odd bunches. 

Because the more I watched it, the more I really REALLY liked it, and now I think it’s probably my third favorite character episode after Taiga’s and Leo’s. (Or maybe even second. I keep flip-flopping.)

I was also a bit blindsided by how this episode didn’t really follow the normal formula. Since they skipped over Yu’s backstory, they had time for other things. They had time for, dare I say it... “filler”? By that I mean, time to focus on just the boys being boys. Although it’s something we get a lot of on Prism Rush, I realized it’s something we have been severely lacking in the movies and anime. Another big difference between this series and typical Pretty Series/Aikatsu-type anime (other than not being able to have the coords......) is the lack of filler, and I realized how truly valuable it can be. This episode is just such a jewel. 

So in between last week and this week I picked up a magazine (spoon 2Di vol. 50) with director commentary, and this was the last episode he commented on. 

He said this episode is about Yu going through his “rebellious phase”, which he never had the chance to have when he was younger since his family split up during such an important part of his childhood and he felt he had to be strong for his mom and all that. 

So instead he goes through it with his Edel Rose family.

GAAAAAH

Probably my favorite thing about Yu is how we’re able to see him gradually grow and change more than any other character I think. 

Who would have though that little boy we met in Hokkaido would get this far......

So next up is Alexander’s episode and um....

You may have noticed me talking significantly less about that episode that I have about others. And there’s a reason for that. And it’s not because I have nothing to say about it......

The events in Alexander’s episode basically set off a continuity train until the end of the series. IMHO it doesn’t matter what order you watch episodes 2-8 in, but from here on out it’s definitely all connected. 

So basically what I’m trying to get at is.... um.... g..... get emotionally ready for some future cliffhangers. I’m sorry. 

Also, your last chance to properly prepare by watching Rainbow Live.... you won’t be disappointed, I promise....... 

[bellatlas]

Iron Dad Bingo: Homesick

“In the time that he and May were gone, their apartment had been taken by new owners. Their things sold. He remembered that day too well. Coming home bloodied from battle, Aunt May hysterical, wanting nothing more than to take a shower, eat some ramen, climb into bed, cry for a bit, and pass out cold before having to get up the next day and put together all the pieces that had fallen apart.Only, they'd had no home. Just a box of old belongings that the new owners hadn't sold or tossed, and the car that they'd been gracious enough to give back. Which, was now totaled, courtesy of Peter himself.

They weren't awful people, the new owners. Under any other set of circumstances, Peter might have even liked them. But, he didn't. They were living in his apartment. Had turned his room into a personal Zumba fitness room (the blasphemy!). And, well, it's not like they could evict them. They'd bought the apartment in an auction. It, and everything in it, legally, was theirs now.

And so, bloody, sweaty, and exhausted in every meaning of the word, Peter and May had been homeless, and he was sure they were far from the only ones.

They found a parking lot that wasn't too sketchy, parked the car, leaned the seats back, locked the doors (not that it really mattered. It was mid-summer and they'd had to roll the windows down or risk getting baked half to death) and tried to sleep with the sounds of sirens and everything descending into chaos around them.

They were only a few hours into their attempt at sleeping when Happy called, despite everything he was probably handling with Tony and his, er, condition after using the stones, and promptly told the two to get their asses up to the old Avengers tower that instant. They were both too exhausted and thankful to argue, and Peter finally got his shower in. And a good cry. He'd looked down at the pink-tinted water rushing between his feet to the drain on the other end of the room (because yes- in Stark tower, the shower was an entire room), and cringed at how salty the water was when it ran into his mouth from his hair. He knew he should feel something. Anything. But, he just felt tired.”

Full text and all chapters HERE, or just this chapter below. 

It was bizarre. The bodega had always been in its telltale little corner of Queens. That was the bodega's corner. That was Mr. Delmar's corner. It always had been, and Peter thought it always would be. Hell, if the bodega survived the Chitauri weapon bank heist gone wrong, he was sure it would survive anything. Anything except Thanos, it would seem.

To see grand re-opening signs flying outside of a new bodega two blocks away in a building that looked far too new, all while a dollar general took up residence in Mr. Delmar's corner of Queens, was wrong. Very wrong.

But, he decided when he stepped inside of the new bodega and was greeted with that same telltale deli smell that he'd had dreams about, that transported him back a million years ago (or, like, five) it didn't really matter. He was back. His people were back. And, slowly (so slowly, dear God there was still so much to clean up) his neighborhood was coming back. And there was no part of his neighborhood quite like Delmar's Deli. Well… his old neighborhood….

He winced at the thought. In the time that he and May were gone, their apartment had been taken by new owners. Their things sold. He remembered that day too well. Coming home bloodied from battle, Aunt May hysterical, wanting nothing more than to take a shower, eat some ramen, climb into bed, cry for a bit, and pass out cold before having to get up the next day and put together all the pieces that had fallen apart.

Only, they'd had no home. Just a box of old belongings that the new owners hadn't sold or tossed, and the car that they'd been gracious enough to give back. Which, was now totaled, courtesy of Peter himself.

They weren't awful people, the new owners. Under any other set of circumstances, Peter might have even liked them. But, he didn't. They were living in his apartment. Had turned his room into a personal Zumba fitness room (the blasphemy!). And, well, it's not like they could evict them. They'd bought the apartment in an auction. It, and everything in it, legally, was theirs now.

And so, bloody, sweaty, and exhausted in every meaning of the word, Peter and May had been homeless, and he was sure they were far from the only ones.

They found a parking lot that wasn't too sketchy, parked the car, leaned the seats back, locked the doors (not that it really mattered. It was mid-summer and they'd had to roll the windows down or risk getting baked half to death) and tried to sleep with the sounds of sirens and everything descending into chaos around them.

They were only a few hours into their attempt at sleeping when Happy called, despite everything he was probably handling with Tony and his, er, condition after using the stones, and promptly told the two to get their asses up to the old Avengers tower that instant. They were both too exhausted and thankful to argue, and Peter finally got his shower in. And a good cry. He'd looked down at the pink-tinted water rushing between his feet to the drain on the other end of the room (because yes- in Stark tower, the shower was an entire room), and cringed at how salty the water was when it ran into his mouth from his hair. He knew he should feel something. Anything. But, he just felt tired.

They'd gotten a new apartment soon after (real estate was booming, didn't you hear?) but it wasn't the same. It would never be the same.

"Peter!" Mr. Delmar's greeting startled him out of his musing. He stepped out from behind the counter with open arms, mustard already staining his apron even though the new bodega had only been open for a few hours. "Glad to see you again. How are you?"

"Good, good." He rubbed the back of his neck. "How about you?"

"Oh, I'm doing great." That took Peter off guard a bit. Everyone had been asking everyone how they'd been doing the past few months. People either were honest, or they lied in an 'I'm good,' that really just meant 'I don't want to get into it.' Nobody said great in quite the same jovial tone as Mr. Delmar. Nobody was great. He flashed Peter a rare smile. "My daughter is too old for you, now."

Peter rolled his eyes. "I'll take the usual," he said, sliding a five over the counter, and spun around to look at the new place. It wasn't the old bodega, but it still had the same vibe, the same general aesthetic.

"Here ya go." Mr. Delmar pushed the sub across the counter towards Peter, who promptly unwrapped it and took as big a bite as he could muster. Oh Yeah. That was the stuff.

"So what are you up to today, Pete?"

"Nothing much. Just running by the old apartment to pick up some old things that the new owners found."

"Mph." Mr. Delmar's face crinkled and he frowned down at the sandwich he was making. "That's not right, what they're doing. That was your apartment. And that was my bodega." He gestured down the street towards the new Dollar General and shook his head. "This is ridiculous."

Peter shrugged. The legality of the whole situation was beyond him, and he honestly wasn't very keen on getting into it. Everyone who lost property in the years since the snap was told they'd be compensated, but nobody knew when that would be, or even where that money was supposed to come from. It was starting to look like it would just never happen.

"Sorry, kid," Mr. Delmar sighed. "Hope you get some good stuff back today."

"Thanks. Yeah. Me, too. I'll uh- I'll let you know."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved goodbye and stepped out onto the chilly sidewalk, Italian club in hand, and he swore, one of Mr. Delmar's subs made everything just a little bit better.

He checked his watch. There were still a few minutes before Tony was set to meet him, and slipped into a Goodwill a block down, shaking the December snow out of his hair in the entry way. He and May used to shop here for clothes all the time. But, since coming back from the snap, he was a near-constant visitor, always checking to see if any of the new donations used to be his. He'd actually had okay luck, too. He'd found an old picture frame of May's, some old fridge magnets that used to be theirs, and an old ceramic pen holder he'd made for Ben as a fathers day present years ago when May had taken him pottery painting as a kid. They were little, but, at the same time, they weren't little at all. May had cried every time he brought something home.

He scanned through the clothes, the furniture, the little nick-nacks, but didn't see anything familiar this time around. At least, not until he saw Tony walking up to him out of the corner of his eye, his telltale gait with the shoulders squared back and one arm that didn't quite swing like the other alerting him to who it was before he could even turn his head. Dang. He must have lost track of time.

He was dressed more casually than Peter had ever seen in the past, baseball cap and sunglasses on, and the mechanical arm hidden underneath a winter coat and gloves. Still, he looked distinctly like Tony Stark, and Peter was astounded that nobody else saw it.

Tony wrinkled his nose and looked around. "Ew. I can smell the bedbugs from here."

Peter shook his head. "It's not that bad."

"If you knew what some of these people did in or on these clothes before donating them-"

"Sounds like projection to me," Peter smirked. "Besides. They do a lot for the neighborhood. I like it."

Tony merely shrugged.

"Give me, like, one more minute. Sorry. I still need to check electronics."

"Well, I'll give you that," he said, following Peter to electronics. "Goodwill is a step up from dumpster diving."

Peter chuckled under his breath. "Actually, that's exactly what I'm looking for."

"What? Don't tell me you're dumpster diving at Goodwill. That's the trash's trash. That's like eating shit, digesting it, and then shitting out the shit again."

"Shhh," Peter hissed. "They can hear you, you know. Besides. I'm just trying to see if any of our old stuff wound up here. I really liked those old computers I found in that dumpster. What did you call it? A retro-tech vibe or something?"

"Oh. Yeah, something like that. I… I really doubt you're going to find those old computers here. The chances of that have to be one in a-"

"Aha!" Peter gestured smugly to a set of retro tech identical to the setup that he'd had in his room that first time Tony had come to whisk him away to Germany.

"Well, I'll be damned."

"These had better still work." Peter took the cord to the CPU and plugged it into the wall, waiting for the telltale green light to start blinking. It didn't. Peter frowned at it. "What did they do to them?" An uncharacteristic rage sparked up in his eyes, and Tony stepped back.

"They made it all those years. They made it through being thrown in a dumpster in a storm, and then some asshole comes along and-"

"Hey." Tony put a hand Peter's shoulder. "Let's get them anyway. We can fix them up. It'll be fun."

Peter glowered, didn't even bat an eye at the idea of fixing up some tech with Tony freaking Stark. Tony put his hands in his pockets, not quite sure what to do. Never quite sure what to do when it came to Peter.

"Fine." Peter deflated. "Fine. You're right. I can just fix them up or something." he said, ignoring Tony's offer and carrying the items up to the front.

"Here." Tony began pulling out his wallet to pay for Peter, but Peter stopped him.

"It's fine, Tony. It's, like, sixty bucks, tops. I've got it."

"O-okay." Something about his tone kept Tony from insisting this time, and he slid the wallet back into his pocket, waiting at the entrance for Peter before slipping back out into the December cold with the old electronics in tow.

"Thanks. For helping me pick up those boxes from the old apartment," Peter said when the silence between them grew thick and awkward. "You- You really didn't have to go out of your way, though. I could have just made a few trips on my own. Or just waited until Ned got out of class and had him and MJ help me."

"Ned? Your, oh, what did he call himself. Your guy in the chair or something?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's him."

"What do you mean 'out of class?' School doesn't start back up for another month."

It was true. The public school system had been flooded when all of the snapped kids came back at once over the summer, each with only half of their schooling from the year they'd been dusted, and with so many homeless and moving around, nobody knew which school to put which kids in. It had been a mess. And so, New York public schools, along with most of the schools in the world, had deferred for a semester to let things settle out.

"Public School," Peter corrected. "Ned's in college now."

"Oh. That's… different," Tony said.

"Yep." Peter popped the 'p' and stared straight ahead. "He has a study group for finals coming up or something today."

"Ah." Tony cleared his throat, not making eye contact, and Peter couldn't blame him. What do you even say to something like that? "Whose MJ?"

Peter flushed down to his neck before he even opened his mouth, and Tony practically lunged at the opportunity to tease him. "Ohhh, someone has a crush,"

"It-No. I-It's not like that," Peter sputtered, and Tony gave him a sideways like that just said 'sure it's not.' But, it wasn't. It really wasn't. Okay, maybe Peter wanted it to be like that a little. Okay, maybe more than a little, but it wasn't. So, why was he this embarrassed?

"Remind me to give you a lesson sometime before you go back to school. You're going to be amazing with the ladies. This MJ character will love it."

"Nononono!" Peter would love a lot of lessons from Tony, but a lesson in getting a date was not of them. Not from Tony. Not in a million years.

"Or guys." Tony put his hands up. "Guess MJ is kinda a gender-neutral name isn't it?"

"What?" Peter shook his head. "It's really not like that. We- she- we're not going to the same school next month."

"Oh." Tony's face fell. "She uh… she's in college, too now?"

"No." Peter shifted uncomfortably. "She got snapped, too. We're just not in the same school zone anymore."

"She moved?"

"I moved." Peter corrected. "New zone. New school."

"Shit!" Tony said. "Geez, I didn't even think about the school zoning when I-"

Peter stopped dead in his tracks. "When you what?" Both Peter and May thought that it was awfully suspicious that rent on their apartment was so low for so nice an apartment in that part of Queens. Surely, Tony didn't have anything to do with that. "When you what?" Peter repeated.

"Nothing. I did nothing. Say, what's in these boxes that you need to get at your old place, anyway?" He popped a pretzel in his mouth from seemingly nowhere.

Peter fixed Tony with a stare that would be able to cut through him if it weren't for the fact that it was coming from Peter, but went along with his change of subject anyway.

"No idea. All I know is that the new owners suddenly found an old box of our things, and since, we're, y'know, alive now, they decided to call May and let her know instead of selling more of our stuff… how'd you even find out that I needed help moving boxes, anyway?"

"Don't worry about it. You're getting me out of a board meeting. That's a good thing," he added at Peter's horrified expression. "Your aunt and I talk, believe it or not. She wanted someone with you. Someone adult."

"You mean my aunt and Happy talk, and you talk to Happy."

"You got me." Tony held his hands up in mock defense, then added "is it just me, or is the whole Happy and your aunt thing… sorta… "

"It's weird." Peter nodded. "Not just you. It's definitely very weird."

Before they knew it, they had reached the front door of Peter's old apartment building. Nothing was quite as weird that. Peter hadn't been back since, well, since that night. He swallowed hard. It was like something out of a dream. Whether it was a good dream or a bad one, he couldn't decide.

Walking up those stairs to build that lego death star with Ned, back when they were both fifteen… it felt like yesterday. It felt like a thousand years ago.

"Kid? You okay?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, why?" Peter lied.

Tony shrugged. "You just looked… distant, I guess."

Peter took a shaky breath before knocking on the door. He felt hot, all the sudden. Felt sweat pricking up on his forehead even though the hallways never were heated very well in the winter. He had to work harder to keep his breathing under control. Oh, please not now, he thought. But, he couldn't help it. The last time he'd been here was on that night. That night that he'd lost his home, and almost lost his hero.

"Peter?"

Before Peter could reply, the door swung open, and they were there. The couple that took his apartment. They'd tried bargaining, tried paying them much more than the apartment was actually worth, but they hadn't budged. Real estate had been hell lately, hadn't you heard?

"Come in, come in," the woman ushered, and both Tony and Peter stepped inside. It was so similar to the last time he'd been inside, the morning of that field trip. And so so different. A different couch. A different kitchen table. A Zumba room where his bedroom had been. But, it was still the same apartment. Had the same smell. The same hominess. The same scorch mark on the wall behind the stove from May's cooking, or, well, attempt at cooking.

"We, uh, we were going through the closet to get the tree out," she gestures to the corner where there's a poorly constructed fake Christmas tree- the same spot May had always put theirs up, as well, "and we found these."

She crouched down and pulled two plastic bins out of the closet. "I have no idea how we missed them all these years, but their yours now. If you still want them, that is."

Peter's forehead creased, and he put his Goodwill bag full of broken old computer parts down on the kitchen table, sitting down on his knees in front of the first bin. He knew what it was before he even opened it. "Christmas ornaments."

He reached in, hand shaking slightly, and pulled one out. Woodchuck, from Peanuts, tangled in Christmas lights. He remembered that one. He was really little, probably five or six, and had become transfixed on it in a gift shop in Manhattan after watching the Christmas special the night before. May and Ben had bought it when he wasn't looking and surprised him with it Christmas morning. Under their tree in that very same corner.

He reached in for another. Why was his hand shaking this much? They were just ornaments. It was a baby blue little picture frame, with "BABY'S FIRST CHRISTMAS!" scrawled in comic sans across the top. In the frame, his mom and dad were on either side of him, just an infant, leaning in and kissing his almost-bald head while he made a weird face at the camera. He still remembered them. Not as clearly as he used to, but he still did.

"That's you?" Tony asked, looking over his shoulder.

"No shit," Peter jested. "And to think you call yourself a genius." The humor evaporated between them without so much as a chuckle. His voice cracked and was shaky, portraying none of the confidence he'd had in his head.

Tony cleared his throat. "Why don't we get going. Y'know. Don't want to keep your aunt waiting."

He didn't trust his voice not to break again, so he simply nodded, packed his computer parts on top of the first of the two bins, and picked it up. Tony followed suit with the second, and the woman walked them to the door, gave some sort of pleasant social required farewell that was completely lost on Peter because how dare she bid him goodday out of his apartment, and closed the door on him. Peter stared at it for longer than he should have. He used to have a key to that door. He should be able to open that door. He'd probably never see it open again, and never see the inside of their apartment where he'd first walked across his bedroom ceiling again.

"Pete?" Tony nodded in the direction of the elevator, casting him a glace every few seconds as they waited for the elevator to arrive.

Peter stared straight ahead, gripping the bin tightly to stop the stupid shaking of his hands. Kept clenching and unclenching his jaw. Kept breathing. In one two three. Out one two three. In one two three. Out one two three.

"Um-" Tony looked down at Peter's hands. He was gripping the bin so hard that the red plastic was beginning to turn white and warp, the plastic ready to give way and break all of the delicate ornaments inside.

"Oh. Right." Peter loosened his grip, clenching his jaw all the while. Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together.

Finally, the elevator dinged and the doors open, and the two stepped wordlessly inside. Peter leaned back against the wall, bin in hand, and closed his eyes. Why was he so tired all the sudden?

"You're not gonna get any closure," Tony said out of the blue.

Peter's eyes snapped open. "What?"

"Oh, man." Tony squeezed his eyes shut and Peter was pretty sure that if he weren't holding a bin full of glass ornaments, he would be rubbing his temples in the way that he tended to be doing a lot lately. "I'm really bad at this, aren't I?"

"Um." Peter didn't know what to say. "I guess?"

Tony sighed. "I mean… I mean don't hold out for closure. You always hope that someday the people who hurt you-" he juts his chin up in the direction of Peter's old apartment, the people who had taken up residence there, "that they're going to wake up one day and realize everything that they did. And feel bad about it. But… it doesn't ever happen. And if you're waiting for that forever, then… then it's never going to get better. You're just going to be stuck waiting forever."

Peter stared at him, eyes wide, for an uncomfortable length of time. "Yeah. T-that makes sense."

Tony shrugged. "Easier said than done."

Another uncomfortable silence.

"That also makes sense."

The ride home was uneventful, enjoyable even. They took the subway back to Peter's current apartment, and it was painfully obvious from the way Tony stumbled any time they hit a bump that Tony was not used to public transportation.

"Shut up!" he hissed every time that Peter began to snicker, which of course only made the situation that much more amusing.

May, of course, cried as soon as she saw the bins full of ornaments.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, fanning her face with her hand in a vain attempt to dry the wet trails down her cheeks. "Thank you so much, Tony. I- I was at work all day, and I didn't want him going back there alone, and-"

"Hey, like I told the kid. You got me out of a board meeting. It's me who should be thanking you."

"Are you staying for dinner?" she asked. "I could invite Happy, and-"

"No, no. Sorry. I uh- I've got some business to attend to." He meets Peter's eyes. "Keep me updated on those computers, alright?"

"Will do, Mr. Stark."

And with that, Tony was off, making the drive, or maybe the flight- Peter wasn't quite sure, back upstate.

"I thought you didn't like him," Peter asked with a raised eyebrow when May looked a bit let down at his refusal to stay.

"I mean, he did save literally half the universe. And my Peter." May gave him an affectionate hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"And you," Peter added. "And, I'm sure it has nothing to do with Happy, right?"

May playfully swatted at his head, which Peter ducked expertly. "Nothing at all."

As they found a new corner of the room to set the tree up in for the first time, Peter thought that maybe, just maybe, this could be a place that he'd miss someday, too. Especially when, the next morning, there was an envelope under his tree with the telltale T.S. scrawled on it. He looked around the apartment. May was still asleep.

He quietly opened it and couldn't believe his eyes. It was a class schedule. A class schedule from Midtown High. No way. No way. He could have fainted. Or thrown up. Or done a few cartwheels. Any of those would do. Instead, he just fumbled with his phone to text Tony.

Thanks, Santa, He texted.

The reply came right away: NEVER call me that again.

[pennswoodsman]

The summer of hate

Well, I have now been on this earth for 42 years. 41 was perhaps my worst year. It all started shortly after my birthday where I started to get crippling anxiety attacks…to a point where I had to stay home on disability for a week. I always had anxiety, but never like that. I was waking up in the morning with a rapid heartbeat, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and major anxiety. I usually couldn’t even pinpoint what caused it. I would go to work for a few hours, suddenly I would feel short of breath. My heart rate would go up and I would start to feel like I had a fog in my brain. Almost light headed. It was happening more and more frequently. My doctor suspected it was a new diabetes medicine I was on…as this had never happened to be before and I had been on the meds for a few months. Now, the anxiety symptoms did start before I took the meds, as I had a panic attack in 2015 at work…but they were starting to occur at least 4 times a week. Sometimes more than once a day. I was terribly uncomfortable in my own skin. I started to take meds to calm me down. Which worked…but then the insomnia started. I had gone through bouts of insomnia pretty much my whole life…but this was the worst. I would go for days without sleeping at all…then fall asleep at 730 pm and wake up the next morning feeling a little better. But, would have insomnia the next night…and it would start all over. I started to see a shrink right around the time of the election. One of my big fears was Donald Trump getting elected president. I had a lot of issues with fear of an alt right wing government gone mad. Another problem I had was a lot of unresolved anger toward my late mother and other people in my past. My shrink was a good man. We were both ardent Bernie Sanders supporters and he had a lot insight about my insomnia, and fears and exercises I could take to lesson my fear. One thing I told him that I knew wish I could have worked on was that I was secure in my marriage. So, that was something that we never worked on. My panic attacks began to lesson after I stopped taking that diabetes medicine (which was a shame it caused those panic attacks, as it really lowered my BSL to a healthy level) and he eventually left the practice to work with under privileged children. I stopped seeing a shrink because I felt like I didn’t really want to see another shrink and my panic attacks were far less frequent. That was in February or March. I had no idea of the bombshell that was about to tear my life apart 2 months later. Now, I don’t claim that was a great husband. I have plenty of flaws. I watched way to much TV. I would come home from work/gym, eat, turn on a Phillies game and mindlessly look at my phone. If Alba tried to talk to me, I was usually only half paying attention and would get defensive when she would call me out on it. I had a bad habit of pressuring her for sex at night too…especially when she was drinking wine (which was starting to become more and more frequent). I have anger issues. I get frustrated easily. I have issues with getting inpatient with the boys. Skip ahead to the evening of May 25th. I had been giving my wife back rubs for a few days. I was trying to get in the habit of giving her massages due to her stress levels. I gave her one on our bed, then held her hands after I was done. She suddenly asked me if I was happy. I said yes. She said she was not. Suddenly she started to list all my flaws and how she was miserable having to live with them. This was at 11 at night. I was so upset I couldn’t sleep that night. The next morning I thought maybe I would stay home. I wanted to catch up on sleep and talk to Alba about this. I couldn’t take it. She told me to go to work. Saying that “you only wanted to stay home for yourself” making me feel immense guilt that I wanted to talk to her and give myself a day to process it. She claimed she still loved me, but she said it in such a hesitant way I knew it was a lie.

I go to the gym that night after work. I still called her every day on my way. I asked her if she saw us still being married 10 years from now. She said “you will always be a part of my life”. Essentially saying “no” but trying to sugar coat it the best she could. My answer was “of course I’ll always be in your life, I’m the father of your children. What about us?” She hesitated, then just repeated “you’ll always be a part of my life”. For the next few nights I came home and we fought. It was mostly me listening to her yell at me as to what a bad husband I am and her listing all the reasons. I cried and said I was sorry. I made a list of things I could do to improve on one of the first days this was occurring. She glanced at it and said that she didn’t want me to improve for her, only for myself. She angrily said she made me no promises and she didn’t want me to say “I changed for you, and you’re still leaving” when she inevitably left.

After about 4 or 5 days I had enough. I was at the gym thinking about all that had happened over the past 4 or 5 days and I was just fuming. It felt so unfair to me. It felt like I was on trial every time I got home and everything was my fault. I stormed in and began fighting. Alba was shocked and appalled that I dare raise my voice to her. She hid in the bathroom while our sons watched cartoons. I knocked on the door and she was hysterically crying. She asked if I wanted her to move out. I angrily asked where she would go? How exactly did she think this was going to play out? She could just continue to live here the same way we did before…all expenses paid, yet always telling me I was a terrible husband? I started to see a new shrink. About halfway through the first session, I brought up my wife’s…aheam��best friend…who we will call Ringo. Ringo is married to her real best friend’s girlfriend, who we’ll call Scarlet. Ringo is an immigrant from the UK (Liverpool to be exact) and is a self-proclaimed feminist and defender of all women. We all met back at an all hallow’s eve party over at Alba’s real best friend, Janet’s house. They were starting to “chat” all day and all night. She kept telling me that he “helped her with her anxiety” and “he didn’t judge her” and “never used her words against her”. I looked at her phone one time after they were chatting and he said “I love you” and she said “I love you very much!” I decided not to say anything because I knew she would just say she loves all her friends…and for all I knew at the time, that’s all they were. But, I told my therapist that I really didn’t trust this guy. He seemed way to into Alba. Wanted her attention for what seemed like every waking minute and she was always willing to give it to him. They would be chatting while Scarlet and I were at work, while we were home in the evenings and late into the night. This went on every. Single. Day. She kept telling me he had nothing to do with our situation. He was “just a friend”. It always struck me as odd that someone of the opposite sex who was “just a friend” would want to talk to her that often…or even of the same sex. It’s not like she talked to any of her other friends anywhere near that often.

We also began to see a marriage counselor. One our first session she asked us to describe each other. I was positive in my description, she was negative in hers. She asked Alba if she always focused on the negative. She got very angry and defensive. One of the most hurtful things she kept saying to me was that I didn’t know her. I mentioned this to the counselor and she asked me to name things I knew about her. I named easily 15 things. She asked Alba if that changed anything. She said no, because they were just “general things” that anyone could learn via social media. Even though I brought up things that she never mentioned on social media before. I knew she had just decided that I didn’t know her and nothing was going to change her mind. That, and her telling me that “all I ever talked about were women’s bodies” which I admit I did at times. Not my proudest moments. But to say that’s all I talked about was just totally untrue and she knew it. When I called her out on that, she angrily said “What do you talk about besides, music (specifically The Grateful Dead), baseball and Bernie Sanders?!” Three things that never seemed to bother her before but I knew Ringo openly hated. Every time I would try to point out how much of an effect he was having on her, she would get very defensive and say “I think for myself”. Right before we left, she pointed at me and told the therapist “you are seeing him at his best right now”. Sigh. That night, when we were putting thing 2 to sleep, I asked her what she thought of the therapist. She started to get angry, saying she was “taking my side”. It seemed to me that she was just able to see through her obvious bullshit, but whatever.

Anyway, I get home from my first therapy session and Alba is out interviewing a nanny for when she goes back to school in the fall. She texts me saying she loves her and she was in our price range. I’m fuming thinking about how I’m still considered on the hook for these expenses. I’m in our bedroom packing clothes because I was taking our sons to my father’s house for the weekend, like I always did to give her space…and time to decompress. I opened a drawer to get our 3 year old some shirts when I suddenly remembered Alba telling me that she has been writing in her diary. I opened the top drawer and found a journal. I leafed through it until I found entries. She talked about Ringo…how she had confusing feelings for him. She tried to talk to him about it, but he talked her down. They then “basically had cyber sex until 5:30 am” and she woke the next day with a hangover. I literally felt my stomach drop and panic set in. I shouted “I fucking knew it!” and kicked our son’s drawer closed and hurt my foot. I called her and got her voice mail. I sent her a text to pick up. I knew it was going to be ackward to tell her I read her diary, but I didn’t care. I just laid into her. Screamed and cursed, called her every dirty name I could think of. Asked her if she had gone insane? Was this man (who has never had a job, is addicted to alcohol, and has severe mental problems…not to mention married to her friend) really better than me? She said he was going to tell me, but didn’t know how. I asked her how would she feel if I were the one doing this to her? Sneaking behind her back to carry on with another woman. She said “If you found an honest connection with someone, I’d be happy for you” I lost it. I continued to call her every name I could think of and threatened to kick her out of the house. The house being in my father’s name….I asked her if she liked having all bills paid, with a free gym membership, a free car, the free house, money to spend when she goes out with her friends and a fridge full of food. She asked at one point if I wanted her to stop talking to him. I said I asked her to do that months ago. I asked her who initiated the cybersex. She said “what difference does it make?” She admitted it was she who initiated it. I exploded in anger. I called her every dirty name I could think of. We hung up still furious. I went to south Philly and told my father what happened. He said that was a shame, but I knew he wasn’t getting involved for the sake of the boys. I sent Ringo a facebook IM telling him he better tell Scarlet about the cybersex in 24 hours, or I will (big mistake…I should have just told her). He sent me a message saying he told her and that their marriage was dissolving anyway. I tried to curse him out, but he blocked me from his and Scarlet’s profile on Facebook and Twitter (i found out later he was actually en route to having a sexual encounter with Alba when he made the claim that he told Scarlet…more on that later) I spent the rest of the night pacing, cursing under my breath while I got dinner for the boys, got them ready for bed and put Nathaniel to sleep. I sent Alba an IM around midnight to start another fight. She just said she was really tired and just wanted to go to sleep. I said “oh, NOW you want to go to sleep as a reasonable hour? Just have a glass of wine and stay up till 3 like you do every night, only this time to talk to your humiliated husband”. No more responses.

The next afternoon we begin to text each other. She continued to defend her actions, defend Ringo from any attack I said and continued to act like she was doing nothing wrong…and it was me who had the problem. I kept telling her she was disrespectful and if she really wants us to get along, even if we do ultimately get divorced, she should stop talking to this guy. She kept insisting “they were just friends”. I couldn’t believe my eyes/ears. She seriously believed this to be true. Acting like her…ahem…”friendship” with Ringo was on the same level as her friendship to Janet…and acting like my request is no different than asking her to give up THAT friendship. At one point she said if she agreed to stop talking to him, I had to literally never bring it up again. I laughed and said no freakin’ way. She said “I am giving up a friendship. So I get nothing in return??” Again…acting like I’m asking her to stop talking to Janet. She kept accusing me of telling her what to do. Telling me that Ringo had nothing to do with our situation, he “just happened to be there”. I asked her what Janet would think of her cyberfucking her friend’s husband. She said kind of avoided the question by acting like no other friendships mattered to her…and she and Scarlet were never friends so it’s not like she is betraying a friend (only her husband…but clearly that didn’t matter). I ended the text battle with “I just want to stress out that I hate that you talk to him and I feel like if you ever cared about me, you’d stop” Her answer “don’t you want me to happy?” My response “so, I’m a controlling monster because I don’t want my wife having an affair” Her response “I didn’t say that. I want you to be happy. I am not happy and I told you this” “So, you’re not going to stop spending every night talking to Ringo, even though I made it clear it’s a major problem with me?” her response “He’s my friend and I don’t have to stop talking to him if I don’t want to” me” so, that’s your final answer?” Her “Yes, that’s my answer”. That night I began to think more and more about it. I lost her. I have no idea how this happened or how an unemployed, married alcoholic with mental issues somehow offered more than I did…a hard working loyal family man who was the father of her children. The only thing I could think of that he offered that I didn’t was the ability to calm her down when she was freaking out. This was something that I was bad at…and apparently he was good at. So good, that she was going to him for all her issues before me. I knew he was talking trash about me to her while building himself up…i just had yet to prove it. She revealed a little bit at our first marriage counselor session. On social media, I often called her “my hot wife” which she didn’t seem to mind at first, until some of her girlfriends said they thought I should use other adjectives to describe her…which is true. There are a lot of great things i could say about her. Another thing i am not proud of. Ringo, on the other hand, went on to say “you’re so much more than that…don’t get me wrong though, you are hot" which she ate up. (When i say it, it’s being a creep, but when he says it, it’s a compliment? How does that work?) I told her that it bugged me that he said that. She asked me why it didn’t bother me that Janet and her other mom friends said the same thing, but it bothers me so much that Ringo said it. I was puzzled that she would ask such a question. “ummm…because your girlfriends don’t have ulterior motives, where as he does” She scoffed and acted like he was always so objective in his opinions. I, of course, didn’t buy that for a second and let her know it.

As the boys played, I re-read our texts over and over. She said I fixated on things…and that I should only be mad at her…not at him (defending him over and over) I threated to tell Scarlet and Janet. She acted like she didn’t care…even though she begged me not to tell Scarlet the previous day “He might get kicked out of the country” she pleaded. (Der…i was counting on that) I felt justified in my fixating over my lying cheating wife and crumbling family. I felt bad for the boys. They were going to be caught up in the whole thing. The following afternoon I went home with the boys and didn’t call her on the way. I continued to think about it on the hour commute back from South Philly. She was never going to change her mind. She doesn’t give a shit how I feel all of the sudden. She honestly thinks all her lies and sneaking around are perfectly justified and it’s ME who has the problem. I cannot be married to a woman who honestly feels it’s ok to lie and cheat on me. It really hurt. But, I had to accept it. I didn’t want to though. When I got home I saw she had taken down all of our wedding photos. I was expecting this. We texted and I said we could divorce. I asked her if she still had feelings for him. She shrugged and said queitly “as a friend”. (Later, i realized when ever she lied to me, her answers were always in that quiet, unsure tone). I knew I wasn’t going to give up the love of my life without a fight. That peice of filth had no idea how much I was willing to fight. My wife was still in there somewhere. I was going to find her…and free her from his creepy grasp.

The next few weeks are kind of a blur. Alba pretending everything was fine. Acting like I was the jerk if I got upset by things. I demanded to know if Ringo had told Scarlet yet and she just shrugged and said queitly “he told me that he did” which I was positive was a lie. Why did Scarlet “unfriend” and block me but not Alba? Alba asked me how I knew Scarlet didn’t block me herself? I was dumbfounded by her audacity for asking me this (she blocked me seconds after Ringo did). I went on to twitter and noticed Alba was not only no longer following me, she changed her surname back to her maiden name…DiDominico. I got really upset. My best friend Wolf…who I had been talking to daily at this point, put it in perspective. We’re getting a divorce, she is going to drop me from most of social media. It’s just a part of the deal. I knew he was right. I hated having to see her every damn day. We talk about us, but it usually ends up with us fighting when I bring up Ringo. She always rolled her eyes and tells me to stop fixating on him…because “he has nothing to do with it”….which she honestly believed. Meanwhile, HIS opinions were suddenly becoming HER opinions. I just knew a lot of the things she said to me were originally from Ringo’s mouth.

Despite all this, I still love her. One night we have a good conversation. An open and honest conversation…the kind we used to have. I end it with telling her I still love her. That I still want her back…and that I don’t want anyone else…and it’s NOT only because she is the mother of my children. I took our vows seriously. I truly love her. It’s just the kind of man I am. While at work the next afternoon I think about things I should have been doing for her. Sending her flowers was one of them. I decide on a whim I’m going to have flowers sent to her. I wanted to show her that I was serious. That I was working on being a better man, husband and Father. I order from a local florist and look forward to her response. I get a text about an hour later from the florist that they were delivered. I knew she was home. Another hour goes by and I hear nothing. I finally anxiously send her a text asking how she was. I don’t remember exactly what went down, but somehow my sending her flowers and then wanting to hear from her and said flowers was a jerk move. She told me I was putting pressure on her by expecting a response right away. Even though I felt like I didn’t need to give one, I apologized to her. I found myself apologizing to her a lot this summer even when I really felt like it was ME who was owed an apology.

That night I get home and I see she’s texting Ringo. She quickly hides her phone. She tells me she is taking the dog for a walk. I see her quickly pick up the phone and resume texting him. Thing 2 is looking for his own tablet to watch cartoons on. I look around and find our new tablet hidden in a drawer. I turn it on and notice Alba’s gmail account was left open. I look at it. I find a conversation between her and Ringo. It starts off with her telling him about the conversation we had the night before. The one I was so happy with. The one where I felt like we connected again and maybe I could show her I cared and was going to be a good husband. She (I’m paraphrasing) said “he told me last night that he wanted only me. Ever. And I don’t want him. I feel numb when it comes to him and I don’t see that changing. You say you don’t know what you want…that you can’t promise me anything and I know that I want you. I need to feel wanted and needed. And the person I don’t want it from can give it to me, but the person I do want it from can’t. I cry every day and he thinks it’s over him. I feel like I’m going crazy. I love you so much but I don’t know what to do with it” Ringo’s response was what really got my blood boiling. In true fashion, his response was long winded, full of 50 cent words, and sort of went in a circle. But, in his response, I finally could confirm what I suspected all along. He was twisting my words and actions to make me look bad. Telling her that I didn’t really love her, that I was just scared to be alone. That the flowers I sent her were insincere and just an attempt to “twist her arm and give her a one way ticket to the past” He called me a “man bot” (which I later learned was a jab at me being an ardent Bernie Sanders supporter, who he openly has contempt for). He then proceeded to go in a long winded ramble about how she is his rock. That he has love for her that he has never felt with anyone else, but even though he has thought about “taking a midnight train” to meet up with her to run off together…that he can’t. not because he loves Scarlet…oh no. Because he can’t afford to leave…and all four of us are mentally sick.

I then not only finally confirmed that he was going out of his way to twist my words around (which I already knew…I just had no proof up until now) that he didn’t give a shit about destroying my family. He wasn’t thinking about Things 1 or 2 in any way. He just assumed Alba would just leave them for me to take care of…which I would have done in a heart beat. However, this just made me realize what a sick bastard this guy really is…and how messed up Alba is by continuing to carry on with this immature douche bag of a man.

She gets home. After the boys are asleep I confront her. At first she gets indignant for violating her privacy again. But soon it just turns into me yelling at her. “THIS is the man you want?? You’re going to leave me for THIS guy?? Are you fucking serious?? I’m sure your macho hard working father…who had to work incredibly hard for everything he has ever gotten is going to love this. You don’t want me…your loyal hard working family man for a drunken, chronically unemployed mental case…because he’s *now in a mocking voice* sweet and sensitive…and he understands you! He doesn’t judge you! He’s a feminist and he always calms you down!!” I was a bit surprised…as she seemed truly remorseful. She said she really hated herself right now and she was really sorry. I asked if she was sorry she did it? Or was she sorry she got caught? She said she was really sorry she did it…”I can’t stop!” she wailed. My anger started to subside. I saw my wife. The sweet beautiful woman I married. The woman I love more than anyone. I wrapped my arms around her and looked into her eyes. It was her. My bride. For a moment, I had her back. After I calmed down, we had another talk. She agreed to possibly work toward a reconciliation…but no promises. I told her that the only way that would ever work is to cut off Ringo. She needs to end it with him…like yesterday. She said she was thinking about cutting him off on her walk anyway.

So, the next week, things seemed to be going a bit better. I was starting to let my guard down a little. I would sometimes dream about buying her a new wedding ring…or us moving to a new house in a new neighborhood. This whole time, she was still staying up till 3 am every night and when I was awake and home, concealing who she was texting from me. One day I confessed I was still paranoid she was still in contact with Ringo (which I totally knew she was…I’m not an idiot) she rolled her eyes and exclaimed “you’re never going to get over this! Just admit you don’t trust me” I lied and said I did. I really wanted to see if she’d own up to it. She didn’t. She did, however, tell me I need to “back off”. I’m “smothering” her. ..and she can’t be married to a man who doesn’t respect her privacy. This was less than a week after I busted her lying to me again…and clearly still doing it.

Waking up in the mornings were always the worst for me. I would wake up at 5 am and think about us. Think about our family crumbling. Early one Saturday morning I was working I began to think about something she said to me. How I always ignored her. She was right. I used to get distracted by the stupidest, most irrelevant things…that went on pretty much our whole relationship. I sent her a heartfelt email apologizing for that. I really meant that apology. I really wanted to make up for it. I truly want to be a better man…and learn from my mistakes. I came home that night and after the boys went to bed, I got drunk for the first time in over a decade. I felt so bad. Alba drank with me. She was never that big of a drinker until Ringo came along. She suddenly started drinking wine almost every night. While I was crying, she gets a text. She giggles and starts to respond. I get angry. I know who she’s texting…and it ain’t Janet . I ask who she’s talking to…even though I know. She pauses…and says “I don’t want to tell you” I get furious and storm outside. She walks upstairs. I text Wolf about this. He tells me that I really should act fast. Kick her out of the house, close our joint checking account and hire a lawyer. She clearly doesn’t care about me and could possibly close the joint checking account herself or start to give Ringo money…my money. She made her bed, now she must lie in it. I go upstairs and she’s crying. At this point I’m just so angry her tears have no effect on me. We start to fight. She starts to get sarcastic to me back. I said “I’m not the one always having falling outs with various friends” she responded “you have to have friends to have a falling out”. God. I stayed in the guest room where she slept until there was some sort of resolution. It’s what I do. I went to bed really angry and feeling like she needs to move out. Now. I’ll never get over her for as long as she still lives here.

I meet up with Wolf and my other best friend, Ben at the Dead & Company show in Camden, NJ the following night. I have a long talk with both of them. They both had their spouses cheat on them too. Ben was divorced long ago. Wolf and his wife had a reconciliation after her affair. It was really great talking to them. I really missed my friends. My allies.

I had been making lists on ways to improve myself and emailing them to Alba for the past few weeks. I make another one with updates and email it to her. I also find an article written by a marriage counselor talking about how men can change when their wives start to lose interest due to being aloof or other reasons. I send her that article. I come home and she’s furious about that article. I really didn’t expect that. She was mad because the marriage counselor who wrote it had a bias toward making up (ummmm…she’s a marriage counselor…no shit) and it was biased against wives. So, according to her, I was saying it was all her fault (which I never claimed. I always owned up to my faults. The difference was I started to work on changing them right away). We fought. At one point she sarcastically said “oh Ebenezer, I’m really going to fall in love with you now” I apologized…even though I didn’t think I did anything wrong.

Skip ahead a few more weeks. We are drinking together again. This time it wasn’t so bad while we were drinking. Around 11 pm she says she’s going to bed…which I know was a lie because she stayed up till 3 am every night. I take a look at the tablet. Her gmail account is still signed in. I decided to take a look to see if any of the things we’ve been talking about has been sinking in. Was she serious about working toward a reconciliation? I saw an email to Ringo. It was my list of things to do for self improvement…with the subject “He’s on a roll today”. My heart sank. Even though I knew she wasn’t taking it seriously…this was proof. My list of things to make me a better man was being mocked by her…and sent to Ringo who would in turn twist the words around to make it seem like I was lying. Why she shouldn’t believe me. And why he was a better man. I confronted her the next day. Again, she got all indignant that I hacked her email account. But I told her I was ok with a divorce. She choose Ringo over me. She had a golden opportunity to make up with me after the email, but she chose to continue to sneak around with him instead.

The next few weeks we barely spoke to each other once the boys went to bed. She would hide and chat with Ringo. Or pace and make sure I couldn’t see her phone. Then one night, it occurred to me to check our Amazon Prime account. I looked at the purchase history…and saw she bought him a $75 fitbit, a $330 phone and a $20 case. The Phone was ordered literally the following day after she told me she wanted a divorce. I was seeing red. I was so angry. This was felt like the straw that broke the camels back. I stormed upstairs and started to shout and call her names. I demanded to know why she thought me paying for expensive gifts to her boyfriend was going to be ok. She proceeded to tell me how he destroyed his phone, and he “needed” a new one for his business…which I then said he needs to pay me back for right now. She said he’s broke. What?? The guy sells vintage action figures but apparently needs a really expensive phone to do it…but doesn’t make enough to pay it back?? I lost it. Alba was texting…someone…while lying on the bed. I snatched the phone out of her hand and started to look at it, she got up and tried to wrestle it out of my hand. I pushed her back on the bed with my right arm. She suddenly shouted “oh! You want to hurt me??” I suddenly snapped out of my hulk like rage. Started crying and said “you hurt me every fucking day” and threw her phone back on the bed. We then fought again downstairs. I said I wanted a thank you note from Ringo. She said in a sarcastic tone “you want a written note or should he email it to you?” I don’t remember now what she said to me…I was mocking her and she was mocking me right back but she said something that made the hulk rage come back. I grabbed her and screamed “you fucking bitch…get the hell out of my house!” But I stopped myself. I hated her so much in that moment but I still loved her. I couldn’t stop loving her.

I left work early the following day because she and I needed to talk about it. I left for my father’s place that afternoon. I took a long walk to the little bridge by Penn’s Landing off South Street. I walk up to the fence overlooking i-95 and look at the traffic. I think about how my life is suddenly spiraling out control. How my wife was in love with another man, she acted like she hated me and showed me no respect…and acted like I deserved no respect. Like a really unfunny Rodney Dangerfield. I thought if I just did a cannonball into i-95 the pain would be over. I got down and started to cry. I didn’t care I was making a spectacle of myself. I talked to my sister and my father about it. My father agreed to pay for a nanny. That way Alba could move out. I didn’t care where. That wasn’t my problem. My father also suggested that he buy the house next door to him, where the boys and I could move into. I’m not against the idea. I love the Bella Vista neighborhood. I mention this to Alba when I come home and she gets really quiet. She asks what about her? I was all “what about you? You are the one who chose another man over me. I’m the one with the house, the money and the job. Getting a divorce was YOUR idea. Besides, if I do it, it won’t be a few more years anyway”.

Alba spends an afternoon over at Janet’s house. She comes home really upset. I ask her what is wrong and she says she really made bad choices this summer. Just because she felt a connection with another man didn’t mean she had to act on them. Yea…no shit. While at Janet’s house she saw a photo of Her, Thing 1 and me taken on Janet and her husband Seamus’s wedding day. That seemed to have struck a chord with her.

Very shortly after this, Scarlet finally catches that it’s not just 2 “friends” having long late night talks. She makes Ringo block her on all social media. I knew he’d be back. He’d create some kind of fake profile to contact her again. He’d never let her go. One night we are talking about it. I was making my feelings pretty clear…that I thought it was karma biting her in the ass. She got all indignant, so I asked “am I supposed to feel bad for you?” her response “if you cared about my feelings, you’d care that I lost my best friend”. Haha…yea. No…. We spent the night pacing together. She mentioned something I had said previously “we could have been working on our marriage this whole time”. I said “it’s not too late, you know. It’s only been 2 months”. She gave me the same run around bullshit non-response “we all have to work on ourselves first before we do anything” Rich…considering I’ve been working on myself to improve and be a better man since the day she said she was unhappy. It was she who hadn’t done a god damn thing all summer to change…in fact only made things worse by carrying on with Ringo and refusing to even consider the idea that it was wrong. She also told me Ringo getting banned from talking to her didn’t change anything. She still wanted a divorce (I found out later they continued to chat via “meet up” unabated for another week. So it was like nothing had changed, really). She sent me a text which I shared with Wolf stating “he really had nothing to do with our problems”. Yea. Sure he didn’t .

The final piece of the summer of hate. Alba went to walk to dog. She left and my curiosity and driving need to know what was going on got the better of me. I went into her car and pulled out her diary. I read the latest entry. It was a pro/con list of Ringo. The very first row had the following entries:

· He’s a very good kisser · Energizer bunny · His touch is electric · He’s my soulmate · He’s my best friend · He’s a feminist · He’s a liberal · His touch! · I love looking in his eyes · His words, my body responds as if he’s doing what he says to me Even one of the cons were positive in some way

· He’s overweight · He’s ugly (the last 2 are very superficial. I fell in love with him on a mental/emotional level so looks are really incidental) I wasn’t sure what to do. To confront her again would show that I again was reading her diary. But…I knew I couldn’t pretend I didn’t read that. I called her and confronted her. At first, she was all indignant that I read her diary. Then she admitted that she had met up with him the night that I yelled at her about the cybersex. When I took our children to Philadelphia to give her a break, she arranged for him to meet her half way, in the parking lot of a bar in Trenton, NJ. She told me they “just kissed” but me not being a fucking retard, didn’t buy that for a second. I called her every dirty name I could think of. I hung up. Took all her credit cards, all her cash (she like $400…which I later found out Janet gave her after she told her I tried to throw her out of the house in her pajamas. I can only assume she left out a whole lot of the story)and her car keys. She got home and we fought more. She asked if I was going to hit her. I was pretty annoyed she asked that. I never hit her. I pushed her on the bed. She said she kind of wishes I would hit her. I finally followed through with my threat…I told Scarlet all about the affair. She said she knew about them talking. I said did you know about them meeting up in the parking lot of a bar in Trenton? She said Ringo denied that was true. Exactly what I wanted him to say. I sent Scarlet the emails they sent to each other via twitter IM (I took screen shots to show Wolf) and I also took shots of her diary entries. Scarlet responded with “Jesus Christ!” . Good. Alba tells me she was actually glad I finally blew the lid off of it. It was hard for her to be the only one who felt bad about it. I was surprised she said that. I admit I was trying to hurt her too. WE spent the rest of the night quietly chatting. She said a few times she was surprised I was so calm. I got my anger out. I finally did something about it. I felt better…like I had finally struck back.

The following day was a Tuesday. Marriage counselor day. I come home and greet my father who is hanging out with Thing 1 and Thing 2 while we are at our appointment. I come into the kitchen and Alba is crying. I wasn’t to surprised . What she said next really surprised me. She said she wanted to atone for what she did. We went upstairs to talk. She said she wanted to make it up to me. I asked her how…she didn’t know yet. While we are talking she brings up reconciliation…essentially saying it must be off the table after all that has happened. I had already decided that I would only consider reconciling if it was her idea. I had brought it up 4 times and it was scoffed at pretty much every time. It was different. I could feel it. The beautiful woman I married was starting to resurface. Her doppelganger was finally starting to fade away. We told the therapist what happened, our conversation and our decision to stay married. A few days later she said “I love you” on a text for the first time in over 3 months. I rejoiced. Our evenings were suddenly calm. Back to normal in a way…but forever altered in a good way. I was no longer lost in an endless surfing of facebook and mindless TV. I am spending out time together talking. Getting to know each other again. Laughing. Cuddling. Kissing. Holding hands. I’m learning every day to be a better husband, father and man.

About a week or so after our reconciliation we are outside talking on our front porch. We talk about the Trenton night. I ask for her to tell me exactly what happened. I need transparency. There were so many secrets between us for the past few months. Everything should be out in the open…all mistakes. I asked if they had sex. “no!” she exclaimed. I then asked if they did other things. She cried and nodded. I asked of he fingered her, she nodded. I asked of she blew him. She said yes. We paused and didn’t say a word for about a minute. I had my face on my knees. She asked me to look at her. With tears in her eyes, she said she was so sorry. It was a terrible choice that was done impulsively and with the thought that she was getting kicked out of the house anyway. She didn’t know I was bluffing. She asked me why I was so calm? She was expecting me to explode in anger. The answer was simple, really. I already knew it happened. I didn’t know the details, but again…me not being a fucking retard, I knew no one meets up for a secret triste to just kiss (or kiss on the cheek as Ringo apparently told Scarlet…man. She really wants to believe him).

We still take it one day at a time. She also wants Ringo destroyed and laments the whole summer. The whole embarrassment of getting essentially brainwashed in a text book case of sociopath meets empath is pretty overwhelming for her at times. She has found screen shots of Ringo talking about their sexual escapade in detail as well as he telling her that he loves in ways he’s never loved anyone else. I’m sure Scarlet would love to see that. Hopefully I can fulfill my final resolution to the this whole nightmare with a crushing blow to Ringo’s marriage…as he tried to do to mine. Hopefully one day soon.

[just-jordie-things]

Don’t Forget Me - Stiles Stilinski

You and Stiles were a different kind of best friends.  Bestest friends, in fact.  Normal friends hang out on the weekends, get a look from a teacher when talking in class, and every once in a while, go to see a movie.  But no, that wasn’t you and Stiles.  Entire weekends were spent together, holed up in one of your rooms, and having a movie marathon.  Usually Marvel or Star Wars.  The night would be spent eating slice after slice of pizza, and draining bottles of soda.  Teachers did give you you looks, but would often drop a few profane words every time they caught you whispering and laughing in the back of the class.  Any movie that was out, no matter what it was, you and Stiles would go to.  Whether it was horror, animated, action, or even the most depressing of documentaries, you and Stiles made it your mission to go to it.  Buying a large bag of popcorn, drowning the kernels in butter to go with the film.

You met Stiles in the junior year.  Your family had moved to town a few days after the school year started, so you hadn’t gotten the time to walk through the school and learn your way around.  You were trying to quickly walk through the busy hall, looking rapidly between your papers, and the room numbers you were passing.  But of course, your inability to multitask to kicked in, and you crashed into someone.  A string of apologies instantly left your mouth, as you bent over to pick up all the things you’d just dropped.  But the person knelt down in front of you to help, and you looked up, meeting golden brown eyes.  He introduced himself as Stiles, and told you that he’d seen you in a few of his classes.  You’d blushed profusely, apologizing some more, and he laughed at you.  Then invited you to have lunch with some of his friends.

Stiles found out you were a kitsune by accident.  It had only been a month since you’d met, but in that few weeks, you’d grown attached by the hip.  It was a cold night when you had decided to have a movie night.  In the midst of you throwing blankets on the sofa to get ready, Stiles called saying that he was going to swing by some pizza place and bring dinner for the both of you.  You’d happily agreed and told him he could get any kind he wanted.  A few movies stacked and blankets folded later, there was a quick knock on the door.  You jumped up and ran to the doorway, opening it to reveal Stiles with three pizza boxes stacked in his arms, as well as two 2 liter bottles sitting on top of them.  You remember laughing as he stepped in, making some crack about how much he can eat.  But in all the movement, one of the bottles rolled off, falling to the floor.  And before thinking, you extended your hand, your telekinesis catching the soda mid air.  Stiles’ wide eyes bored into where his drink was surrounded by a blue aura.  That night, you’d done a lot of talking, and admitted a lot to each other.  You told him about how you were an atmospheric kitsune, and he’d told you about how some of your friends were supernaturals.  That was the first time you had a sleepover together.  The both of you talking through all your movies and pizza, and you’d crashed with your head on his shoulder.

From that moment on, no more secrets were kept between the two of you, and you went through everything together.  You were there for him when an evil deity possessed his body, and would often get calls at one am to calm him down from his nightmares.  He returned the favor when you lost Allison.  Sleepovers were a lot more often towards the end of your junior year.  The summer was peaceful.  But it all started up again in senior year.  Dread Doctors hunting you and the pack down, inserting memories and visions in your head, trying to take your powers.  You were trapped in their lab for days before Scott and Stiles found you and rescued you.  You didn’t leave his sight for a week and a half after that.

You were with him when the ghost riders took him.  He’d found you in the school, desperately sputtering nonsense and begging you to tell him you knew who he was.  He’d then tried to get you to get far away from him, as not to get you in harms way, but you’d shook your head and stood your ground on staying with him.  He’d taken you to the jeep, and you were holding his arms in your hands so tightly that your knuckles were white.  You cried and sobbed and pleaded with him to stay, and he just softly combed his fingers through your hair, down your cheeks.  He straightened out your clothes, fingers brushing the locket he’d given you for your last birthday.  A soft smile graced his lips as your watery eyes met his.  Just don’t forget me, I know you’ll remember.

You went through four months of utter torment and agony.  Four months.  You couldn’t bare to go through a day, or an hour, without him in your life.  You couldn’t talk to the pack, not without bursting into hysterics.  You couldn’t drive to school, you and Stiles always drove together.  You walked, everyday.  And everyday, you came late.  You steered clear of the library, it being yours and Stiles’ place of work.  You skipped any classes that you’d had with him.  You couldn’t sit in there in silence.  You’d gone to the cafeteria for lunch, but only twice.  The first time, you lost your mind five minutes in, the empty seat next to you driving you crazy.  The second time, Scott had asked you to come, saying how it hurt him just as much, but without you too made it more difficult.  You lasted ten minutes that time.  Six of them having been you waiting in line for food, and two of them when you were sat at the table.

Your heart had never pounded so hard in your chest when you saw him, his back turned, not far, just down the hall, thirty feet away.  Your knees almost gave out at the sight, but you screamed his name and sprinted towards him.  He’d whipped around, and he almost burst out laughing and crying at the same time, before catching you in his arms as you jumped into him.  You cried and mumbled things, arms wrapping tight around his neck, his arms linked around your waist as he spun you around and around.  Eventually, your grasp only grew tighter on one another, and you were lowered to the ground, too weak to stand, and him too much to hold you up in the air.  You knelt on the floor, and his hands ran all over your back.  Circles moving all over your back and your neck, tangling in your hair, it was like he was mapping out anything he could.  Too worried if he didn’t now, he’d never remember what you felt like.  “I missed you, I missed you so much” He pressed a kiss to your forehead, and another one to your cheek.

~~~

You were sitting on Stiles’ bed, the both of you with your backs on the headboard.  There was a movie playing, an Iron Man one you think, you couldn’t really remember.  It had been a month since you’d gotten him back.  And it was difficult to find either one of you alone these days.  He even followed you into the girls’ bathroom once, earning a slap across the cheek from Lydia.  You looked up at him now, and moved over slightly, leaning your head onto his chest.

“You okay there princess?” He murmured, an arm wrapping around your back pulling you further into him.  You nodded softly, closing your eyes.

“Mhm” It was quiet for a few seconds, and you laid your hand on his shirt.  Stiles looked down at you, eyes following your movements.  “Will you tell me stories?” You asked him.

“Yeah okay” Stiles said, smiling now.  You smiled too, rolling onto your stomach, folding your arms on his chest, and putting your chin on top.

You grinned and giggled as he told you things from the past.  Little things, from before he met you.  You often did this, you liked to hear about what his life was like before supernatural disasters.  Although you had heard of a few in sophomore year, but nothing as serious as you’d recently faced.  He told you about how he had a buzz cut, and once almost had to cut off Derek’s arm.

“Derek Hale?” You asked in shock, brows raising.

“Yep” Stiles popped his lips.  “Stupid Scott was too busy at Allison’s to get that bullet over” He chuckled, the sound reverberating through his chest and onto your skin, making you feel warm.  “Hales gotta knack for hating me” He added, making you giggle as well.  “I mean, Derek took to Allison more than me, at least my family never burned down their house!” You laughed again, this time setting your forehead on his stomach as you shook slightly with giggles.  Stiles looked at you, watching you smile and giggle, your twinkling eyes looking up and finding his on you.

“What?” You asked, laughter dying down as you caught his stare.

“Nothing I just..” He trailed off, eyes searching in yours.  “I don’t want to forget what you look like” You smiled softly back at him.

“Don’t worry Stiles, neither of us are going anywhere, alright?” His brow furrowed a little.

“College?” You wiggled up closer, your elbow propped between his arm and side, holding up your chin, mere inches from his face.

“Not an issue right now, is it?” You asked quietly.  Stiles pursed his lips and shook his head.  “Is this about the ghost riders?” You whispered, much more quieter now.

“Yeah...yeah” He replied one of his hands coming up to twirl in your hair , tucking a strand behind your ear.  “Just kinda puts some things into perspective” He said, eyes meeting yours again.  You nod, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“Yeah it does doesn’t it” You agreed.

You hadn’t talked about it, not in the month that he’s been back.  You figured he just wanted things to be as normal as possible, and it mostly has.  But it seemed that the past and the emotions had caught up with him.

“y/n..” He sighed your name, and you felt a long talk coming.  “I missed you, a lot, a really lot” A sad smile pulled on your lips.

“I missed you too” You said, setting your hand against his jaw.  “Scott made me go to school” You added under your breath.  “It sucked... counselor tried to put me on antidepressants” His brows raised in shock, and you slowly laid down on your side, almost curling up but he laid down  too.  His eyes never left you when his hand reached out to intertwine your fingers together.  A few tears pricked in your eyes.  “Damn it Stilinski you’re making me feel” You mumbled, wiping your eyes with the sleeve of your hand.

“Sorry that you have feelings” Stiles said, rolling his eyes.  But you sniffled now and he could see it was difficult for you to keep your eyes dry.  “Hey... hey I’m sorry, I’m sorry this is why I didn’t want to bring it up” He said quietly, hand rubbing your arm.  “I’m sorry, come here” He murmured, wrapping both arms around you, pulling you closer.  Your hands laid on his chest, as well as your forehead.  His chin set on the top of your head as he whispered quietly as you cried.

All the pain you’d previously felt rose again, but this time, it wasn’t pure torture.  It was closure.

“It’s okay... it’s okay I’m here now” He said, bringing his lips to your forehead, and kissing you between whispers of reassurance.  “I’m not going to leave again, I know that, you know that, we’re safe, I promise, I promise I’m not going to leave you again” You sniffled, hands now grasping the material of his shirt in fists.

“I love you” You said weakly, unable to look at him.  In fact, your eyes were shut tightly, and your face was buried against him.  Stiles smiled, leaving a longer kiss on your head, before cupping your cheeks and pulling you back from him slightly.  His thumbs brushed away the remnants of tears on your cheeks, and he smiled a little smile at you.

“I love you too, princess” He said, and pulled your lips up to his in a long awaited kiss.  Again your eyes squeezed shut, as though you were going to wake up in bed, and realize he was still gone.  Again.  “It’s real” Stiles mumbled against your lips, before kissing you again.  “I promise” A cross between a laugh and a cry left your lips, and you brought your hands up to pull him closer by the back of his neck.  When you broke apart for air, you smiled before opening your eyes.  Flicking from Stiles’ lips, up to his own eyes.  His own smile on his face, he pushed your hair back again.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner” You nodded.

“Me too”

“Back to no secrets?” He held out his pinky, and you linked yours with his.

“Back to no secrets” You agreed.

You fell asleep with Stiles that night, wrapped up in his arms, feeling warm, safe, and at home.  You felt like there was no weight on your shoulders, and life was looking forward.  There was only a few weeks left of your senior year, but they’d be a breeze.  Your mind wandered off to what Stiles had said earlier, about college.  You knew he’d gotten into Berkeley, and your heart thumped excitedly as you drifted off to sleep.

Because you did too.

xoxo ~Jordie