#i have chronic pain if that wasnt obvious LOL!

[froglover7789]

reading house fics is just fucjing PAINFUL sometimes bc some of yall have no idea what chronic pain is like and jts so obvious. jesus lord christ almighty. its so bad 😭😭😭😭

[chroniclesofchronicillness-blog]

THE PAST WEEK.

Life got super busy [as it usually does] I worked Tuesday through Friday, and today is my much-deserved weekend [if I do say so myself]. So i’ve made myself a coffee frap and i’m on my way.

Tuesday was my boss lady’s first day back from vacation. She went somewhere warm and wonderful. AND SHE BROUGHT ME BACK LAYS POTATO CHIPS. I have such a good relationship with her. She’ll be moving in a few months and i’m pretty sad about that. She’s seriously one of the best people i’ve ever met. She’s caring and understanding and i’m comfortable talking to her about the shit that’s going on in my life. Which is awesome. It’s a big part of the reason I love my job. 

While I was at work, a cap that I had put on my tooth about 3 weeks ago fell out. so I scheduled an appointment for Thursday...stay tuned...  Tuesday was also the day that the boyfriend and I went to a show. Said show was in the city, at a venue i’d never been to. Background: Pre-illness, i’d go to shows...A LOT. I was the girl in the pit. If a confrontation would arise, i’d just move somewhere else. I can say that i’ve been flaring pretty good all week. I haven’t had 2 days off in 2 weeks, so i’ve been struggling. I cannot stress how important rest is for me. ANYWAY. the seats we had were like baseball stadium type seating. if someone stands, you have to stand too. This was the first show that I really COULDNT stand. It hurt too much. we walked to the venue, i’d worked prior. it was a perfect fibrostorm. The girls in front of me stood; I waited it out one song, and asked them if they could sit so I could see the stage. It was one of the first times I was doing something that I loved since my diagnosis. It was glaringly obvious that I can’t do things the way that I used to. I wept. I wept for the fact that the girls were willing to sit down. I wept that I would have had no problem standing because its a show and thats what you do, except now i’ve got my bff fibromyalgia to chill with. I ended up thanking the girls while I was crying, I had to look like a psychopath, crying because someone did what you’d requested of them. but it meant a fucking lot to me. We ended up leaving early because I had to work the next day, and I let them know that I was leaving so they could do as they saw fit [ie: I hope they stood for the last 4 songs.] A few days later, someone in an online support group i’m a part of posted an article about mourning the person you were prior to chronic illness. It really resonated with me; especially considering this event. 

This is the link to the article; if you’re interested:   https://themighty.com/2016/10/grieving-my-losses-due-to-chronic-illness/

Wednesday was pretty uneventful. Nothing out of the norm. nothing super noteworthy. Overall I like days like that. The mouth hurt. 

Thursday morning I went to get the bastard cap put back on. ON TUESDAY they told me “oh you cant come in today, since its a cap dr so and so needs to deal with it” so I waited. I wasnt able to glue it back on and I figured it was safer to *not* keep trying to put the thing that was falling out back into my mouth and end up swallowing $500. I don’t have an extra $500 laying around to get a new cap. SO I KEPT IT OUT. Dentist says “oh we need to remove tissue because its grown over” so I end up getting numbed up and the cap gets put back on. i’m on antibiotics, the mouth is painful and I can see where she removed some tissue. NBD, NOT LIKE I HAVE STOMACH ISSUES TO BEGIN WITH AND THIS COULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING PREVENTED IF THE CAP WAS PUT IN THE WAY SHE DID IT THIS TIME THE FIRST TIME. -_- VERY UNHAPPY. QUITE DISSATISFIED. 

I continued thursday and friday with rather severe fog. Friday night I had this weird new-ish symptom where I felt such severe pain in my legs and hips; it felt like I couldnt keep still. moving hurt. not moving hurt. It was weird and I hate it.

This morning, I felt ok. I had some decent painsomnia due to the legs. But waking up wasn’t so much of a struggle today. My stomach is acting up due to the antibiotics. Its boyfriend and my anniversary celebration weekend [we aren’t off together for the rest of the month; we don’t exactly know *when* exactly our anniversary is, we just know is march lol]. We’re planning on going out to dinner; and probably shopping. I let him know that my stomach is fuckity, but we are still going to give the day a shot as planned.  

 I can’t wait until my doctor’s appointment. I really hope that this individual really will work with me rather than telling me that drugs are my only option. I aspire to have kids some day. with the symptoms I have, I don’t know that i’ll be effective as a parent. I’m afraid that the kid will have similar problems, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I know there are older kids out there, whom are mostly self-sufficient, who need a loving family. I really think that I might want to adopt. or maybe foster. I want kids in my life. I just don’t know what hell pregnancy will cause my body. I’d have to get off of my medications [no, i haven’t talked to a doctor about it yet; but i do know that i’ve been asked “are you pregnant don’t take this while pregnant” about 15 times over the past 3 years when filling Zofran and Klonopin at the same time; so its an educated assumption] If I am unable to be medicated, i’ll be unable to work. I won’t be able to provide. plus theres the whole maternity leave thing. and unfortunately, i’m not independently wealthy. So there are the considerations for the time being. Any opinions and thoughts on the matter from other spoonies are welcome.

I’ll update soon.  spoons to all and to all a good day.