#i have barely been doing ANYTHING since my graduation exam and that was 2 months ago

[innielove]

every weekend im like. this is it im getting my life together, on monday i will start dealing with my responsibilities and i will do all the things that are not just the bare minimum. and then i don't do any of that. i absolutely fail to do anything the following week.

[dxvxx]

It's Exit Exam day and i'm exhausted.

The wannabe overdue acrobat in my belly kicking me for all his worth isn't helping either. I waddle out of my bathroom naked and dripping wet, not bothering with a towel, even the biggest ones stopped covering my body after the second trimester.

I rub my bump as i check my phone and send William a text reassuring him that i'm fine before i open my closet and rifle through it.

I gave up on wearing my maternity jeans a month ago, so i bypass those and pick out a pale beige sundress.

Grabbing it, i shuffle to the mirror to try to see if it would even fit me. Looking at me, you'd think i'm carrying twins with how big my bump had gotten.

I hear the faint sound of my apartment unlocking and smile when, soon after, my boyfriend strides into my bedroom, looking edible in his black slacks and black button-down shirt.

I rub my thighs, looking at his rolled up sleeves and veiny tattooed forearms.

"Babe," it comes out as a whine as i look up at him. Up, because William is a 6'5 "muscled giant of a man while i'm 5'3 and petite, or at least, i used to be petite. "I told you i'm okay." I murmur but lean back against him greedily as he hugs my naked body from behind. He lifts up the weight of my heavy belly off my hips, just the way i like, and i can't help the moan of relief that escapes. "Mmm.."

"Couldn't help myself," he rumbles, dragging his nose up my neck, right to one of my sensitive spots, breathing in my shampoo. I tilt my neck, giving him more access, letting out another soft moan as i feel myself get wet.

I rub the top of my bump just enjoying being near him, but i have to ask..."No- mhmm- one saw you, right?" Even though i know he's always careful.

William is a professor at my college. We met 2 years ago when i was in a class of his and we have been dating on the downlow ever since.

While i'm no longer a student of his, it's still frowned upon and could lead to serious trouble so we're keeping it quiet until i graduate next month.

That's why he moved me out of the dorms and is renting me an off-campus apartment near his house. Something he keeps grumbling about because 'you're not close enough.' I'm pretty sure if i let him have his way, we'd already have been married by now.

He doesn't respond as he trails kisses up and down my neck, nipping and sucking, leaving me breathless and squirming "Wiiiilll" i whine.

My libido has been in overdrive ever since i got pregnant at the end of summer and had increased even more in my last trimester. The barest of touches or even friction from my clothes has me panting like a bitch in heat.

Something William takes great delight in.

"Have i told you how gorgeous you are so full and heavy with my son?" He growls while leaving hickeys on my neck. He tells me every day. William has always been possessive and overprotective, but he had doubled down ever since i started showing.

He cups my bare pussy murmuring out a rough "mine" in my ear. I'm so wet i drip a bit on his hand as i look in the mirror.

It's a sight.

My belly heavy and round, with the skin a bit pink, overstretched and taut with William's tattooed arms wrapped around it.

My heavy breasts that have doubled in size are aching with my rosy nipples pebbled, begging to be touched.

William's hardened length is nestled against my naked ass cheeks.

It's all too much.

My hips roll trying to get something, anything, but he just cups it, giving me a warning squeeze i ignore. "Don't tease mmhm meeee." i half moan half whine. That earns me a slap on my pussy. The sting shoots up straight to my needy clit and i whimper "ooh fuckk."

Two of his thick fingers tease my entrance before he thrusts them home, using his thumb to rub my clit in slow agonizing lazy circles that have me bucking against his hand desperate for more but he keeps his fingers still.

I know what he's doing, punishing me for refusing to stay home this past week, when i officially reached my due date and passed it.

I get more desperate, rolling my hips harder, trying and failing to get him moving, to give me anything. He smirks in my neck, proud of himself, and i'm close to losing it, delirious with lust and need.

"William Ivan Carmichael, I swear to- Ooomph.." He takes out his dripping fingers and stuffs them into my mouth, effectively shutting up my threat.

Fine, two can play at this game, damn it.

I suck his fingers in, swirling my tongue around them like i do with his dick humming as i lick my juices off his skin. He thrusts them deeper down my throat, lazily pumping them before he pulls out and whirls me around. The movement makes my bump jiggle before he claims my mouth in a hungry kiss.

I'm panting and aching by the time he releases me. I don't have time to process or protest as he lets me go, slaps my ass, picks up the discarded dress off the floor, and flings it at me.

He adjusts himself in his pants and says in a rough voice, "Get dressed, you don't want to be late. I'll see you in the Exam hall."

And he... leaves. Just like that.

The Bastard.

I glare weakly after him and collapse on my bed then immediately regret it and moan "ooohh" At the feel of my sheets creating friction against my aching cunt.

I rub my bump restlessly and nibble my bottom lip. I could give myself an orgasm, could even use the toys in our expansive collection, but...it's not enough, it never is. Nothing comes even close to him, to his skilled, pierced dick and his wicked filthy mouth.

"Your daddy is gonna be the death of me" i whisper to our son before i heave myself up and off the bed with a soft grunt.

William doesn't get it. I want to finish my BSN nursing degree. I don't want and will not drop out or delay my diploma another year. That's just a waste of time and money.

I open my underwear drawer and pull out a lacy black set, then think for a bit and return the bra only pulling on the thong. Anything against my nipples right now will be torturous.

I sigh as i pull on the dress next and wince at how it looks in the mirror then try to make it less tantalizing. It used to fit me and reach just before my knees but with my bump...it barely reaches my thighs not to mention how much cleavage it's showing.

But...fuck it. I'm too horny and too pregnant and too tired to care much anymore.

I stuff my swollen feet in a pair of ballerina flats, fluff up my blonde hair a bit then grab my bag and keys. Making my way out of the door, i stop and rub my belly. It feels really uncomfortable today, hotter and tighter than it has all week.

With a sigh, i keep walking, although much slower, and lock the door before i start going down the stairs.

It doesn't matter. I just have to get through the three hours Exam while trying to ignore the urge to jump William right on top of the desk he's gonna be monitoring us from.

Then we'll come back here and i'll demand he fucks me six ways to Sunday then he'll punish me, in panty melting ways for using that tone with him then...

My horny thoughts stopped abruptly, and i let out a startled gasp, widening my legs. I rub both sides of my bump as the baby drops lower, applying pressure on my lower belly and my already aching pussy.

Well, Fuck.

(This is part 1. Let me know if you're interested in part 2, maybe 3.)

[milaisreading]

PART 2

Couples:

Yandere!MSBY 4 x Kageyama Twin!Reader

Side couple:

Komori Motoya x Kageyama Twin!Reader

Warnings: Cheating, non-con(not too much), obsessive and possessive behavior, general yandere tendencies. This is my first time writing explicit content like this, sorry if it's boring:/

PS: Send in requests if u have any...

Part 1:

"So how have you been? Everything going ok with Komori-san?" Tobio's voice sounded through (Y/n)'s apartment as she cooked her dinner.

"Yeah! Everything has been great with us, tho the distance is really killing me, but we phone each other every day." (Y/n) answered back, waiting for Tobio to speak up again.

"Well, you did pick pretty far away cities, Shizuoka and Osaka I mean. But as long as you find time to call each other, it should be fine." (Y/n) smiled bitterly, nodding her head Kageyama's words

"Yeah, but enough about my love life, what about you? With how many fangirls and those fansites you have, you must have someone in mind." She teased, already imagining her brother blushing at her words.

"You know I am not interested in that, at least not now. Volleyball is more fun."

"You should honestly think of marrying it at this point." (Y/n) joked, not surprised by his answer.

"Shut it! But anyways, I need to go now. You will be off to Shizuoka this weekend?" Tobio wondered as (Y/n) went to pick up her phone and turn off the speaker.

"Well I was planning to, but Motoya told me he will come. Something about getting away from Shizuoka and all." The med student answered, recalling the conversation she had with the pro athlete a few days a

"Well at least you won't have to travel after the exam then. By the way, did Hinata text you at all in the past 2 weeks? Since the game with Komori-san's team, it's been radio silent from him."

"Hmm? Now that you mention it, I didn't hear anything from him either. Could that loss bumped him out so much?"

"Who knows. He can be off at times, but I am sure he will come around. Anyways, I got to go now. Hoshiumi-san wanted to take Hirugami-san and I out for a drink."

"Have fun! Give them greetings from me!"

With that, they ended the call and (Y/n) went back to making her noodles so that she can return back to studying as soon as possible. Groaning, the med student went through her phone, trying to find the last few notes she needed to revise.

"Just this one more exam and then I will have some time for myself..."

She yawned, looking at the clock on her wall, groaning.

"I will barely catch any sleep these days..." (Y/n) groaned as she put the phone away and went to eat her dinner, her mind going from her exam to the orange haired volleyball player.

'He really has been acting off... ever since graduation to be honest...'

She thought in worry.

With Hinata...

The man tossed and turned in his bed. He was supposed to go to sleep hours ago, but he just couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, the image of (Y/n) and Komori flooded his mind, and he just ends up angry.

"Stupid Komori...is it his height that makes him attractive? His looks are average at best.. or his money? If (Y/n) was in need of financial support, she could have called me-"

Hinata's rambling was cut off by his phone ringing, so he quickly went to answer it.

"Sakusa? Why are you up so late?" The orange haired man wondered.

"I was talking with my aunt over some family meet up later this month, and she let the information about Motoya visiting Osaka slip out... do you know where I am going?"

Sakusa said sternly, clear annoyance lacing his voice as he mentioned his cousin.

"Do...do you think it's the right time?" Hinata wondering, his eyes going wide as he remembered the plan.

"Another time we won't have. We need to break them up... Aunt told me that he plans on proposing to (Y/n) soon."

Hinata's eyes widened and he clenched his fists.

"Ok...did you think of a plan to break them up?"

"Yeah, I will handle that."

"Good, I can't wait till that pest is gone."

"You and I both."

Sakusa sighed from the other side.

With Atsumu...

Atsumu groaned as he kept on stroking his cock as he went through the pictures he saved of (Y/n). The pictures were nothing special, just some from the beach he found on her Ig, but those were enough to rile him up. The image of the young woman underneath him, panting, crying and begging for release kept playing inside his head.

'(Y/n)... please...'

Groaning, the faux blonde as he came all over his hand. Panting, he got up from his bed and went to clean himself up. Once he was done he went back to his bedroom, sighing sadly as the images he had were just pure fantasies, the kind he wanted to be true.

Huffing, he sat down on his bed and scrolled through (Y/n)'s social media, smiling when he saw a new story was posted.

But, that smile faded away as soon as he saw that it was a picture of her books and a cup of coffee.

'Why is she up so late? It's nearly 1 in the morning. Shouldn't that useless boyfriend of hers make sure she is sleeping?!'

"Stupid! I knew that guy was no good! Why did she pick this prick of all?"

Atsumu's stare hardened as he thought of the brown haired libero. Back when he met Komori at the training camp, he thought of him as a possible friend. But now...now that he was with the girl of his dreams, there was no way for him to have that position.

"I wanted to so desperately see him cry that night. Show him and (Y/n) who the better one is...better player and better boyfriend, but..." Atsumu sighed as he rubbed his face, feeling like crying.

"But the whole time (Y/n) kept distracting me. That smile and her cheers, wonder how it would feel like to have her cheer on me, wear my jersey-"

Atsumu stopped his monolog as a message popped up. Quickly opening it, he saw that it was Bokuto.

'Komori is coming to Osaka tomorrow. We need to break them up this weekend. Sakusa said he is planning to propose.'

The message set an already frustrated Atsumu on fire. There was no way he will let that Komori put a ring on her pretty little finger.

"Besides, he can't afford what (Y/n) really deserves, unlike the rest of us. And Komori (Y/n) just sounds wrong."

The next day...

"I honestly don't know if I will pass this one, but the most important part is that it's over!" (Y/n) cheered as she walked out of the building.

"I am sure you will pass. When will the results be?" Miwa asked from the other side of the phone.

"In like...5 days or so. Unless the professor starts grading them today."

The med student yawned, already dreaming of her soft bed.

"Sleepy? Are you off home?" Miwa asked, worried for the youngest sibling.

"Yeah. Motoya will arrive in Osaka later tonight, so that gives me some time to rest."

"Alright. I have to go now since a client arrived. Have fun you two, but not too much~" The older woman teased, causing (Y/n) to blush a little as she said her goodbyes.

'She can be too much at times.' (Y/n) groaned. All of a sudden, the young woman felt someone grab ther shoulder, causing her to jump away and turn around.

"Easy there (Y/n), it's just us!" Sighing in relief, (Y/n) noticed the familiar golden and black eye.

"Bokuto-san, Sakusa-san, what a surprise! What are you two doing here?" (Y/n) asked, smiling as the two athletes took off their masks.

"We were just walking by after practice! Do you live here somewhere?" Sakusa asked flatly, already knowing all the information.

"Oh no, my university is in this location tho! How are you two? Has practice been going well?" (Y/n) asked while smiling, causing Bokuto to blush a little, meanwhile Sakusa hid his by putting his mask back on.

'Adorable...my (Y/n) is so adorable.' The black haired thought as Bokuto spoke up.

"It's been great. Today we were let go a little sooner than usually. The coach and captain were a little easier today, after all the hard training before."

"Yeah, they got a lot stricter after our match with Komori's team." Sakusa explained, getting more annoyed at his cousin than he already was. (Y/n) blinked for a moment, and then remembered what he was talking about.

"Sorry to hear that you two, but you guys were still amazing. I guess it depends on the luck you have that day."  She answered back, trying to lighten up their moods. Which seemed to work, as Bokuto stopped pouting, sending her a grin soon after. Sakusa seemed to lose his annoyed demeanor, but his eyes stayed as passive as possible, so she wasn't sure about him.

"Really?! Did you see that service ace I delivered at the beginning?! Worked on it for a while." Bokuto boasted.

"Yeah! That was pretty cool! I am happy that you hard work paid off. Hope the next time you performed it, it will be the winning points."

Bokuto grinned at the praise and continued talking to the younger. Sakusa clenched his fists are the sight, envying how easy the conversation between the two was. How familiar they are to each other. It's not like Sakusa didn't talk to her before, she visited his place often with Komori, but he always had a hard time talking to her.

"Hey uhmm... the two of us, Atsumu and Hinata are free tonight, want to go out for dinner?"

The black haired boy's question surprised not only (Y/n), but Bokuto as well.

"Well that sounds nice Sakusa-san, but Motoya will come over tonight, so I really can't. And I don't think it's that much of a smart idea, I don't want to piss some of your fangirls off."

(Y/n) shuddered, remembering how some of the girls from her class came into her, after pictures of her and Atsumu talking surfaced on social media.

Sakusa and Bokuto ignored the part with Motoya, as they were more concerned over the 2nd part.

"Say...none of the fans caused you any trouble?"

"Ahh...all I can really say is that Atsumu-san's fans love him a little too much." Was all she said, which made alarm bells go off in both of them.

"But nothing to worry about! I already handled it! Anyways, I need to go now, gotta rest a little till Motoya arrives! Bye!" (Y/n) said, walking off quickly, trying to avoid any form of questioning from either of the two.

"What are you doing?" Bokuto wondered, his gaze switching from (Y/n) retreating form to Sakusa's, who was dialing a number on his phone.

"I will call my dear cousin over for a drink... the plan is going in action tonight."

"Alright! Let me go and call Hinata then." The Fukurodani alumni grinned, excited about tonight.

"You are meeting up with Sakusa-san? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" (Y/n) asked the brown haired libero over the phone.

"Sorry, it came out of the blue, I will try not to stay for too long with him... you are not mad?" Komori asked from the other side, gulping as he thought of her reaction.

"Why would I be mad, Sakusa-san is your family after all. Just, tell me sooner next time." She asked softly. There was really no reason for her to be annoyed, aside from him not informing her sooner.

"Sorry, I really am. But I have something for you, which might make it up for my mistake." Komori said sheepishly, causing (Y/n) to grow curious.

"What would that be?"

"You'll see! But I need to hang up now, sorry."

"Ok, have a safe trip! And have fun."

Turning off her phone, (Y/n) sighed and went to her living room, opting to watch a movie or two till Komori arrives.

A few hours had passed and (Y/n) was beginning to get nervous, not only was Komori supposed to arrive at her place an hour ago, but he also wasn't answering his phone.

"Should I call Motoya again? I have been calling him for the past 20 minutes and nothing... Maybe Sakusa-san will answer me." (Y/n) muttered nervously as she dialed the athlete's number.

She didn't have to wait for too long, as he answered his phone quickly.

"Hello? (Y/n)?"

"Sakusa-san! Thank God you answered, is Motoya with you? Why isn't he answering his phone?"

'I probably come off as controlling, but fuck it!' She gulped, waiting for an answer from the man.

"Motoya? Why would he be with me? I am out with Hinata."

(Y/n)'s heart dropped at those words.

'There... But why would he say?'

"Hello? (Y/n), you still on your phone?" Sakusa's voice interrupted her thoughts and she quickly answered him.

"Uhmm...I... Motoya isn't with you 100%? He said you two would meet up for a drink."

"No, we never agreed to that. I have practice tomorrow, so that's out of question-"

"I need to go. Bye, sorry for interrupting you two." (Y/n) didn't let Sakusa finish as she hung up and went to call Komori again, her heart racing and alarm bells ringing.

"Come on...answer please....Motoya..." She desperately begged, thinking of the worst possible scenario.

'He wouldn't... Motoya wouldn't cheat. There is no way, but why else would he lie?'

"Why aren't you answering?!" (Y/n) screamed as she threw her phone on the couch, tears escaping her eyes.

"Please...let this be all a prank, I swear I won't be mad. Please-"

A notification popped up on her phone, and (Y/n) quickly ran to her phone, thinking this might be Komori. Unlocking her phone, (Y/n) read the name of a private Ig account, which sent her a few pictures. With a heavy heart, she opened the message, only, to her horror find pictures of Komori sleeping next to a unfamiliar girl. The sight of the woman smiling next to a seemingly naked Komori made her heart break and she quickly turned of her phone.

Shaking and sobbing, she plopped on the couch and started crying harder, the pathetic feelings of sadness and betrayal taking over her body.

"Motoya...why?"

"Should we go now?" Hinata asked as Sakusa finished his call with Atsumu.

"Yeah, the woman sent those photos to (Y/n) and already left. With how much Motoya drank, it will be a wonder if he remembers anything." Hinata nodded his head as they walked of to Sakusa's car.

"All the better for us, (Y/n) will just think that he is lying and trying to pretend nothing happened."

Sakusa silently nodded his head, grinning like a madman that this years old nightmare is coming to an end.

'Finally she will be mine...tonight is the night.' The black haired man hummed as him and Hinata walked off to the meeting spot.

A few hours passed by and (Y/n) was sound asleep in her bed, all the crying drained her, and she just wanted to shut off everyone. So much so that she didn't even answer her brother or sister's calls. The silent apartment was soon disrupted by the sound of the entrance door being opened, and two figures walked inside.

"Shouldn't we wait for Hinata and Atsumu?" Bokuto whispered as Sakusa nodded his head.

"I really could care less where those two idiots are right now. Besides, we should go and prepre our little princess." The Itachiyama alumni muttered as he walked to (Y/n)'s bedroom, his whole body shaking in excitement along with Bokuto's.

"Finally, I have been dreaming of this moment for so long." Bokuto grinned as Sakusa slowly opened the bedroom door. Breath hitching up, Bokuto walked inside and up to (Y/n)'s bed. The man gulped as he looked at her sleeping face, her puffy, red cheeks and pout causing his cock to harden.

Groaning, Sakusa slowly removed her covers, enjoying the sight of her vulnerable figure. Bokuto let out a a sigh as he sat on the bed and caressed (Y/n)'s hair.

"I can't wait for those two." Sakusa finally said as he hovered over the woman, and slowly grabbed onto her pajama pants, pulling them down.

"Finally." Bokuto grinned as Sakusa pulled off her pants, licking his lips when he saw her panties. Quickly unbottoning her pajama shirt, he was more than pleased to see her bare boobs.

"Naughty girl~" Bokuto giggled as Sakusa started kissing up (Y/n)'s leg, her soft skin turning him more and more on.

'And that bastard Motoya kept all of this to himself?! And with how he is, he probably didn't please her to the fullest.'

Bokuto was meanwhile kneading (Y/n)'s nipples, watching in pleasure as the woman started groaning and moaning, her eyes slowly opening, looking at her surrounding in confusion.

"Looks like my little slut is finally up? Look Omi!"

"Wh-what th?!-" (Y/n) shrieked as she realized what was going on, desperately trying to wiggle her body out of this. But all of this was to no avail as their grips on her body tightened.

"Shh baby, we will take great care of you. Just be compliant."

"Get off of me! What the hell?!" (Y/n) glared up at Bokuto as she tried to push him off. This pissed the white/black haired man off, causing him to grab her arms and pin them down, sending the woman a warning growl.

"Don't make it so unnecessarily hard, baby. We know you want this, you are all wet just from our touch." Sakusa cooed as he inserted a finger inside, enjoying the surprised expression and her attempts to hide her moan.

"Don't hold back baby, I want to hear all of the noises." The black haired man laughed, insisting a 2nd and 3rd finger shortly after.

"Stopp~" (Y/n) moaned out as Bokuto played with one of her nipples and sucked the other, moaning at how soft she felt.

"Good girl, just lay back and enjoy it." Sakusa smirked as he pumped his fingers faster and faster, enjoying how hee moans were getting louder and louder.

"You smell so nice... I have been waiting for so long. We all have." Bokuto muttered in between of kissing her neck, leaving a bite mark or two in the process.

"Wha-what are you t-talking about~" (Y/n) panted as she felt her climax approach her.

"We all have had our eyes set on you since high school, and it really enraged me...us to see you with my cousin of all people. But you will soon learn not to mess with us, baby~" Sakusa chuckled as the younger came onto his finger, enjoying the moan she let out.

"So sensitive... Atsumu and Hinata will sure enjoy this." Bokuto teased as he wiped her tears away, kissing her cheek right after.

"Please...please don't go any further... Sakusa, Motoya will be-"

(Y/n) flinched as both men glared and let out low growls.

"Still thinking of that pest? While two of the most sought after athletes in the country are about to give you the night of your life?" Sakusa said as her got up, signaling to Bokuto to change positions. (Y/n) was about to use the moment her hands were free to get up, but Sakusa stopped her.

"You are not going anywhere. The fun is just starting." Sakusa said as (Y/n) watched in horror as Bokuto started taking off his pants. Then suddenly, the younger heard her bedroom door open, and a familiar voice fill up the room.

"Hey! Why didn't ya wait for us?!" Atsumu growled as Hinata whined at the betrayal. The black haired man rolled his eyes along with Bokuto.

"Next time don't take so long. Now wait till Omi and I are finished."

"Not fair! I know (Y/n) longer than any of you, I should do it first!"

"Deal with it, Hinata." Sakusa said, looking down at (Y/n)'s teary eyes, the sight causing him to grow harder than he already was.

The next day, (Y/n) woke up feeling sick and body aching from all the bruises and bite marks the 4 left on her body. But besides that, a weird form of relief washed over her body as she noted that neither of the men were with her. Perhaps, she thought, they left or something. But, just as she started hoping that, her door opened and revealed Hinata's smiling figure. (Y/n) cringed at how normal he was acting, as if he and his friends didn't force themselves on her last night.

"You are awake! Just in time too, Omi made us breakfast." Hinata said cheerfully as he approached her bed, causing the woman to flinch away as he touched her shoulder.

"Huh? Was I that rough with my marking last night? Sorry baby, I will be gentler next time." (Y/n) looked at the grinning man in horror as he said that.

"N-next time?"

"Of course, did you think this was a one time thing?" Gulping, she felt Hinata grab the back of her head and rest his forehead against hers.

"We all are in love with you for years, and if you thought we would leave after we got a taste of how sweet you are...you are dead wrong." Hinata said, the crazy and lovesick look in his eyes made her realize in just how much trouble she was in.

"Besides...of you don't want Komori's career to end in a cheating scandal, you will play the role of the obedient little kitten." Atsumu said from the doorway. (Y/n) moved to look at him in shock as Hinata started kissing her neck, moaning at the pleasant smell.

"How do you-"

"How do we know? Easy, we set him up. You should have seen how much we had to make him drink to convince him that woman was you." Her eyes widened as Atsumu chuckled and walked up to her bed, patting her head and kissing the top of it.

"Remember, your body and soul belong to us from now on, so better not look at any other man, or else these pictures of Komori are going into the public."

(Y/n) felt tears start rolling down her cheeks as Atsumu showed her those again. She knew there was no way out, if only she knew sooner how crazy these 4 were...maybe she would have been more careful. Maybe she would have stayed in Tokyo or even in Miyagi to study,but with the way they were, (Y/n) doubted this distance would have prevented any of this. Atsumu chuckled at the hopeless look the younger had on her face and leaned in to lick some of the tears away.

'Finally I have you hopeless and desperate, just like I always wanted it.'

@kei-tsuki21 @thebrunetteavenger @sicklyinlove @kittykatiekat @torriblack97 @locogvrl @omi-kunslysol @yuushs

[iwadori]

Haikyu Boys when they neglect you for another girl PT 2(Oikawa)

Part 1  Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Word count: 2.1K

Genre: angst,fluff

Oikawa:

You Oikawa and Iwaizumi have been best friends for as long as you can remember  

You thought that Iwaizumi liked you, but all thoughts of that left your head once Oikawa confessed to you when you were in your last year of middle school.

You and Oikawa started dating you in highschool in your first year and have been inseperable ever since.

You and Oikawa were as opposite as you were the same making you a perfect match.

It was the first day of your final term of your third year. You and Oikawa were planning to go the same university but to do that you obviously need to pass your entrance exams so you fully immersed in your studies.  

You have been the manager of Seijoh since your first year, but because of how time consuming it is and you now fully want to focus on your studies you decided to step down from your title. However, you still were fully supportive of the team making sure to go to every one of their games and even coming to majority of their practices with your textbooks and notes with you.

It seems someone took your place as the manager, yet you don’t know who as have been so busy all you could do in finding your replacement was stick up some posters telling whoever wanted the job to talk to the coaches. But you hope the new manager is at least half as good as you.

You decide after school, you were going to take a break from studying so you went to go to the gym to see your boyfriend and the guys at practice. When you enter, you see all the boys fussing and fanning over someone who you couldn’t tell who it was.  

You spot Iwaizumi away from the crowd tying his laces, when you approach him he looks up and smiles fondly at you, “Hey Y/N” he says schooching over so you can sit next to him.

“Hey Haji” you say ruffling his hair playfully “Who’s the celebrity?”  

“Oh Ririka-san” he responds “The new manager” when he says this he slightly scowls, but you don’t quite catch it as your focus is on your boyfriend who is being his usual boastful self infront of who you presume is ‘Ririka-san.’

As the group disperses, they all approach you with Oikawa lifting you up and spinning you obnoxiously making you laugh at his action. “Well hello to you to Tooru” you say kissing him on the cheek.

You look in front of you and there was Ririka with her hand extended out for you to shake “Hi I'm Yagami Ririka” she says “But you can call me Ririka, you’re Y/N right?”  

You shake her hand quickly dropping it responding with a dry “hi.” Oikawa notices the awkward atmosphere that you created with your response and decides to drag you away to show you his serves. You weren’t fully focused on your boyfriend, with your eyes occasionally drifting to the new girl who seemed to give you a bad vibe from your first introduction.

Practice ends, and Oikawa walks you home (per usual.) Once you are at home, you decide to social stalk Ririka to see if you can find something to confirm your suspicions on her. You’re claims weren’t based on anything besides a vibe but since she is apparently in your year and always has been you find it weird that you haven’t heard a word about her all until now. You don’t find anything on her, besides her being as ‘perfect’ as she seems.

As you and Oikawa walk home together again from the next day’s practice, you were hoping that he shared your same concerns about Seijohs manager but when you ask “Kawa.. Don't you think Ririka-san is a bit odd?”

He looks at you curiously, smiles and says “No of course not, Rii-chan is fine”

‘Rii-chan’ you think, a slight pang of jealousy surges through you at the use of this newfound nickname  

“In some ways she reminds me of you, you know?” he says chuckling, but you weren’t listening focused on the name he just called her.

“Rii-chan, huh?” you say

“It’s just a nickname Y/N, I give them to everone, you know that Y/N” he says

“Yeah yeah I know Kawa, I was just overthinking that’s all” you lie, you knew Oikawa gave everyone a nickname but this one definitely stuck on your mind then all of others and although you can admit your jealousy but there was something else bothering you.

“Well don’t overthink too much” Oikawa says giving you a kiss on the forehead “Don’t want to heart your pretty head about it.” Oikawa then lets you enter your house before taking off to his own.

Over the next few weeks, you are mainly focused on your studies, barely having any time to be with your boyfriend at all. However, if you did even have the time to spend with Oikawa, he was definitely not available since all his time was now with ‘Rii-chan,’ whenever you asked him to hang out with you or to go on dates he always used the excuse of ‘Rii-chan needs help with the schedule and since IM THE CAPTAIN I have to help’ or ‘Rii-chan has no friends in our year, and since it seems that YOU don’t want to befriend her im doing the nice thing by becoming her friend’ and with that you always wanted to reply with ‘maybe no one wants to be her friend because she’s such a bitch’ but you held your tounge.

Today you were fed up with your boyfriends lack of being around and decided to go to his house in the hopes that you can watch a movie or do something together. When you get there, you knock on his door and you hear him shout “Come up it’s open,” was he expecting you or something?

You go upstairs to his bedroom, where you know he’ll be and to your surprise when you open the door in his room it is basically set up like a movie date with food and snacks and a bunch of dvd’s and blankets set up on the floor. ‘Was he planning on you to be here?’ you think.

“Rii-chan you made I-” says Oikawa, stopping hisself when he sees that it’s not his beloved Rii-chan but only you his girlfriend Y/N.

“What the fuck Oikawa?” you ask  

“It is NOT what it looks like Y/N” he says standing up abruptly to approach you but you step back.

“Umm.. So it’s not my boyfriend of 3 years about to have a movie date with his manager after barely speaking to me, his GIRLFRIEND, for the past month?” you say folding you arms “ Did I get that right or am I missing something here?”

“Yes.. I mean No” he stammers “ It’s not a date at all, it’s just that Rii-chan say’s she never watched *insert your favourite movie here* and I thought it would be nice if I show it too her”

“Whatever you say ‘kawa” you say rolling your eyes, this seem to annoy Oikawa as he then sits back down harshly and says,

“God Y/N, ever since you met Rii-chan you’ve been so hostile for once can you not be a bitch! Me and her are just friends.” His aggressive tone shocks both you and him but he doesn’t seem to stop “All I'm saying is, you always wonder why me and Iwa-chan were your friends, haven’t you thought it was because you’re such a judgemental bitch”  

By now you were fed up, so you turn your back to Oikawa ready to leave the room but first you say “ Oikawa, I love you I always have, but I can’t be with you anymore especially since you can’t even see what’s going on. Remember when we used to have movie dates when we were ‘just friends” Your response leaves Oikawa with his eyes wide open since he didn’t expect you to basically break up with him, he thought this was a minor argument. Before he can speak, the door burst open and in comes Ririka who exclaims “Tooru! Im ready to watch M-….oh”  

“I guess I’d be taking my leave now” you say with tears in your eyes “Goodbye Oikawa this was fun”  

It’s been a while since the confrontation at Oikawa’s house and the school was a buzz since after hearing the news of yours and Oikawas break up the school immediately focused their attention on both Ririka and Oikawa the rumours of them being together spread like wildfire. However, to your surprise Oikawa apparently always combated the rumours claiming that him and Ririka were just ‘good friends and will stay that way.’

But you could care less, you still supported the team going to all the games they had making sure to stay clear away Oikawa and Ririka. You don’t go to the practices anymore since you didn’t want to submerge yourself in sweat and bad vibes anymore.

Graduation came and you were very happy, you could finally get out of this place. Once you get through the ceremony and all the boring stuff you go to the gym for one final ‘goodbye’ but before you have a chance to leave you are stopped by Iwaizumi  

“Hey Y/N” he says “how have you been?”  

“I’ve been good, pretty ‘busy’” you respond

“Busy as in, avoiding Oikawa at every cost” he says making you laugh “Come sit down with me for a second” to which you do sitting next to him on the gym bench.

You and Iwaizumi then spend the next hour reminiscing about all your past antics and stories making you laugh and smile fondly at all the nostalgia. After all your talk you pull out your phone to take a picture and you hear Iwaizumi whisper “He never deserved you” so quietly that you almost don’t catch what he says.  

Before you could respond in comes Oikawa of course panting “Y/N! Thank god you’re still hear I need to talk to you!”  

You look at Iwaizumi expecting him to say something but all his does is pull you into a tight hug and says “Goodbye Y/N I’ll miss you” he gets up and exits the room shouting “Make sure to answer my calls” making you chuckle.

Oikawa approaches you and sits in the spot that Iwaizumi does, he takes a deep breath and begins to stay “Y/N, you were right I was wrong. I am an idiot... Rii- I mean Ririka she tried to kiss me. Im sorry”

“Oikawa, you are right.. You're an idiot, but it shouldn’t of had to take me breaking up with you and Ririka trying to get with you to realise that I was right. Why did you even come here to tell me this, so I knew I was right? You didn’t need to confirm my suspicions I knew all along Oikawa”

You stand up to leave, hoping to find Iwaizumi before he goes home but Oikawa stops you. “Y/N I-I want to be with you, to go back to being how we were … don’t you want that”

“Oikawa...” you grab his hands “I love you, I always have and I always will... but I think we both know we aren’t meant to be.. Things haven’t been the best with us even before Ririka came along, it just took her to make us really notice it.”

“It’s him isnt it?” he says with tears in his eyes

“I think so... maybe it’s always been him I don’t know but we know how he is especially when we were 15 I guess you just got me to me first,” you say with tears in your eyes also

Oikawa pulls you into a hug and whispers in your ear “Go get him Y/N” you look at him and smile and nod you head “We will still be friends Tooru.”

You race out of the gym to look for Iwaizumi and you suddenly bump into him since he didn’t actually move he was there the whole time and it seems your indirect confession made him tear up too. “I love you Y/N” he pulls you into a hug which you return then pulls you into a deep kiss.

In the end, you and Iwaizumi do become boyfriend and gifriend still keeping Tooru as your good friend. You all also end up going to the same University and you and Iwaizumi live the rests of your lifes together as the ‘perfect’ couple with yours and Toorus relationship as a laughable memory.

AUTHORS NOTE: Please don’t hate me for this ending!! I had a bad day sooo I decided to switch things up please give me feedback on what you think !!

[sleep-deprivedracoon]

Tell it to my heart

Here's to the one with the scorching stare of love, blood, and vengeance. Eyes killer cold, blue and bare.

pairing: Gojo Satoru x f! reader AU - Mafia 

warnings: angst, implied abuse, injuries, blood, alcohol, death, suicide, drug usage, addict, recovery, smut, gore, violence, trauma, masturbation

I will add more warnings if the chapter requires them. 

Author’s note: This fanfiction is going to be a slow build story with an irregular upload scheme. I am not sure when I will be able to update. I might upload multiple chapters in a single week or not upload for a few weeks. It depends on what my daily schedule is and it is very dynamic. This story is for a mature audience and will have a lot of problematic themes. If this is triggering to you, please refrain from interacting with this story. The content warning is for the entire story and not just for this chapter. Again, I cannot emphasize enough, this is a slow burn story. In this story, you will find some changes in mannerisms among characters. Gojo  Satoru will be smoking and drinking. Yuji and Sukuna will be 2 different people but are related by blood. The main reason is, I do not see Yuji being part of a Mafia unless he had no other choice. The cursed spirits will be human in appearance. 

Chapter 2 - A Detour

Previous chapters: Ch 1 |

It took two more days since the phone call with Mr. Tanaka for the curfew to end. According to the media, the police took control of the situation. But you knew better than to trust them. There was no way the police in your city were that competent. One of the gangs had won but you did not know which one. 23 Civilians were killed and 76 injured. You wondered how many of the mafia men were killed. The news anchor started listing the names of the dead victims and you listened to see if you knew anyone. 

You didn’t. You sigh in relief as you look at the last name on the screen. The news anchor then started to show images of wanted criminals who were identified on the scene. You wondered if the photo of the man who barged into your university would appear. It didn’t. 

Mahito. You saw this name flash on the screen with a photo. A pale, long white-haired man’s picture flashed on the screen. You froze and your fingers began to tremble. It was the same man you saw on the night of the beginning of the conflict. His face, neck, and arms had tattoos that resembled stitches. He was the one who was burning the human body and laughing. 

“Mahito is a highly dangerous criminal. The police strongly advise citizens to not engage in conflict with this individual. If you see him, contact the police immediately and get to a safe zone. He is suspected to have killed 12 people in the past few days and 46 in total. We repeat that this individual is extremely dangerous and is a member of the SnK. ”

A lump started to form in your throat. You could almost smell the rancid burning meat from that day. You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. It was over. He isn't around anymore. He probably fled the city. The word around the street was that the Jujutsu triad had one the turf war. You knew feeling guilty about the burning body was of no use because you couldn't have done anything to save them. It was too late and if this person was as dangerous as the news channel claims them to be, you would have been of no help either.  You switch off the TV and try to get some studying done. Earlier that day, you'd received an email from your local university that classes will resume from Monday in limited capacities and priority would be given to graduating students. You had a month of classes and then 2 weeks of exams to finish your education. If things go well and you clear all your exams, you'd graduate as you'd already submitted your research project a couple of weeks before shit went down. You smile at the thought of using studying ad a distraction. The high-school version of you would have never believed that you would end up being this ambitious about anything. You hit the books while your mind wanders over the thought of the suited man with the leather tie. You wonder how his name did not appear on the wanted lists. Your mind compared the differences between how you saw a triad mobster approach people vs an SnK mobster who enjoyed murdering someone. You felt that if the city had to be under the control of a Mafia, it was better off with the Triad than the SnK. Your thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of your phone. It was a message from Asami. 

'Please tell me you are going to take up the offer on Monday.' 

'Idk. I haven't decided yet. I'm gonna wait to see what kinda business it is and then take a call. :/ ' 

*buzz* your phone vibrates again

' Girl…!! I cannot imagine working without you :( I hope you take it up'

You sigh. It was typical of Asami to rush into things without thinking. 

'So you're going to accept the offer without knowing what it is?' You hit send 

You instantly get a response. 'YUH. They're paying double… I need all the money I can get *_*'

'Idk, Asami. :/ I think it's better to wait before making a choice.' 

' -_- it's gonna be finnnneeee. Relax. I'll see you on Monday, OK? :* good niiiiiggght'

'See ya! :D night night' you hit send. 

You close your books and your laptop and head towards your bed. You were feeling a little restless and you decide to calm yourself down. You play some music that you like and light some scented candles. You quickly take off your shorts and you are left in nothing but your t-shirt and panties. You never wore a bra at home as you liked to be comfortable. You lay down on your bed and slowly exhale to let out the tension you had been holding you. You slowly relax as you breathe in and out. You slowly glide your hand down from your chest, over your stomach, just above your panties. You spread your legs a little and slowly began stroking your pussy over your panties enjoying the sensation. With your other hand, you cup your breasts under your shirt, slowly massaging them to stimulate you further. You slowly feel moisture pool up in your panties. You deftly remove your underwear and start stroking your fingers gently over your slit. Up and down, they moved as your breathing slowly started to accelerate. The excitement within you was building but you wanted to take it slow. You began to slowly but earnestly rub your clitoris. It had been a while since you were sexually active. It wasn't that you weren't interested, it was just that you were preoccupied with other things. You slowly move your finger from your clit to your aching hole. You insert two fingers inside you and begin pumping it in and out of you rhythmically. You wanted to be stimulated further. You slowly pull out your fingers from you. They're coated with your fluids. You wipe your fingers on your thighs and you open the drawer of your nightstand to pull out a blue vibrator. You turn on the vibrator to a low setting and press against your swollen clitoris. A small moan escapes your lips. You insert your fingers inside you, again as the vibrator is pressed against your clit.  You slowly remove your fingers from you. You lift your knee, and insert the vibrator, turning it to your favorite setting. You never turned it to the fullest setting as it was too much for you. Panting you move it faster and faster, building to a huge wave of pleasure. You use your finger to gently rub circles around your clit. In a short time, gasping and panting, you lay back and go rigid as a wave of pleasure courses through your body because of your orgasm. You pull out the vibrator and wait to catch your breath. You felt much more relaxed after your session. You grab some wipes from your nightstand to clean your leaking pussy. You put your panties back on and lie on the bed as your eyes feel heavy. The masturbation session did its job as you feel your eyes close and you fall asleep. 

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As agreed upon, you show up at the café on Monday. You see a bunch of familiar and unfamiliar faces. The smell of coffee was faint but it still lingered in the cafe. The conflict seemed to have left the cafe unscathed. You look around to see Asami approach you. 

"How's it going? You holding up okay?" She hugs you. 

"Yeah, I've been good. How about you?" You break free from the hug and ask her. 

"Been okay. My neighborhood was badly affected. Luckily I live on the 7th floor of my apartment, so I was fine."

"Ahem! Hello everyone" Mr. Tanaka addressed the group. "As you all know, I have sold this cafe and will be moving to Singapore soon. But I also told you that your job here does not have to end. As promised, Ms. Iori here will give you the details of your new job. That is if you are willing to accept it." 

A long-haired slender woman steps in front. She was beautiful and she had a serious expression. "Thank you, Mr. Tanaka. My name is Utahime Iori and I work for Gojo Holdings Group."

People around you started murmuring. You frowned as you knew that the Gojo family was allegedly associated with the triads and there's a possibility that they were probably the leader of the triads as well. 

"Now, now. There's no need for mumbling. I know that you think we are associated with illegal activities but I can assure you that the claims made against the company and its founding family are fake." She clears her throat. "Back to the topic at hand. We've purchased this cafe and the stores around it. We plan on renovating this building and the adjacents to a nightclub. Obviously, with this nightclub, we would also need people to help us. We need waiters, bouncers, bartenders and cleaning staff. Mr. Tanaka here tells me that all of you here are very capable and reliable staff. As he would have already mentioned, the pay is twice as that of your original payment. Whatever tip you make on the job is yours to keep. You get health insurance and paid leaves." 

Your eyes widen a little. This didn't seem like a bad job offer to you at all. In fact for the service industry, it was really good. 

"If you do agree to work with us, please remember that the minimum work contract is for 6 months." Utahime walks around and hands each and everyone a contract. 

 6 months!!?? 6 months!!! You didn't plan on staying here for 6 more months. As soon as you graduated, you planned on applying for a job outside the country and moving. 

"You have until the end of the week to decide. You can submit your contracts here. You will be paid for this month by us and we expect you to be ready to serve in the club in a month or so. We expect the remodeling and renovations to be done by the end of this month and we expect to open the club to the public in the middle of the next month." 

You place the contract in your bag and you slowly head out of the café. You see Asami eagerly signing the paper while you were left with a choice to make. 

—---------------—-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was slowly setting and you could see it go lower between the trees. You had come to a park that you and your parents would frequently visit when you were a child. You had been sitting on the grass in a secluded corner of the park for over an hour now. It had been 2 days since you received the contract from Utahime. You still weren’t close to making a decision. On one hand, the money seemed to be useful for you but on the other hand, a 6-month commitment seemed too much to you. It interfered with your plans. You were so lost in thought that you did not notice a person right in front of you. 

“If you keep frowning like that, you’ll get wrinkles” you hear a man speak. 

Annoyed is what you felt at that comment. “Like I give a shit.” You retort back and look up to see who interrupted you. You find a tall person with messy white hair that stood up. He was wearing a black hoodie and cargo pants. His eyes were covered with sunglasses and he had a lit cigarette in his right hand. He looked like someone you would find on the cover of a magazine. You swore to yourself that his jawline was probably chiseled by a sculptor. You suddenly felt very aware of what you were wearing. You wore joggers with a tank top and a flannel shirt. Your hair was tied in a low-hanging ponytail. 

You hear him chuckle at your response. “My bad.. was just teasing.” He lifts his hand to smoke his cigarette. He gracefully sits in front of you and continues to smoke. 

“Can I help you with something?” You weren’t sure why this person sat on the grass with you. The park was almost empty and it had plenty of seats. “Also, I don’t think you are allowed to smoke here.”

“Hm? What? Are you a narc or something? Gonna snitch on me?” He raised an eyebrow at you. 

“No.” You shook your head. You were still cautious about him. “Do as you please.”

“If the smoke is bothering you, I can stop”. He removed the cigarette from between his lips and waited for your response. 

You smiled a little. At Least he was considerate. “No, it doesn’t bother me….. Do you by chance, have another one?” 

You see him grin and you could have sworn that your heart began to flutter. The man in front of you was breathtakingly gorgeous and it made you nervous.

“I do. But I’ll give it to you only on one condition.” 

“What is it?” You frown.

“You need to tell me your name.”  He tilts his head a little. 

“That’s all? (Y/N), that’s my name.” 

“Nice to meet you, (Y/N)”. He opens a pack of cigarettes and you see that it is half empty. You pick one cigarette from the pack and reach into your pocket for your lighter. You light the cigarette and look at the man who had his arm stretched out with an expensive lighter himself. “Well looks like you have that covered.” He puts the lighter back in his pocket. 

“Wait.. how do you know that I told you my name? For all you know, I could have been faking it.” You exhale the smoke. 

“You don’t seem like a person who would need to fake their name.” He shrugs.

“Wow. Way to trust a stranger. What’s your name?” 

“Satoru. That’s my name.” He ashes his cigarette and throws the cigarette butt on the grass. 

“Satoru, has no one taught you not to litter?” You take the cigarette butt and hold it in your hand. 

“Someone will clean it up tomorrow.” His voice sounded nonchalant. 

“You must be new to this city.” You shake your head. You knew the system was broken. No one would clean it up. You knew that. Ideally, you wouldn’t have cared but this is your favorite spot and you made sure it was clean so that you could come back to it. 

“How did you know?” You see him staring at you as if he was studying you. It was not in a way one would check you out at a bar or a party but in a way that he was assessing you. 

“Two things, you seem way too rich to be in this city and any person who lived here would know that this city isn’t that efficient in terms of maintaining public property” You finish smoking your cigarette and ash it as well. 

“Smart. You’re right. I am not here from this city. I am just visiting.” He smiles

“Shitty time to visit someone with all the turf wars and all.” 

“Hm.. true. But it hasn’t been so bad. This place has its charm.” You see his hands playing with the grass. He had long, slender fingers that made you think about them teasing you. You quickly push that thought to the back of your head. 

“See.. when you say things like that, it makes it more obvious you aren’t from here. I don’t think anyone in this city would say that haha.” You stretch your legs a bit as you felt them getting stiff. 

He shrugs. “Do you dislike this place that much? If so, why do you live here?” 

“Because I am poor haha, no but for real, I plan on getting out of here soon. I need to graduate and then we’ll see where I end up.” You smile. 

“You seem like you have it figured out.” 

“If only… Every time I think that I have it all figured out, life seems to throw a curveball at me.” You sigh thinking about the impending decision that you would have to make. 

“What does that mean? If you don’t mind me asking.” He throws some grass to his side that he pulled from the ground. 

You hesitate for a moment. You knew you wanted unbiased advice. It would be nice to get that from a stranger but you did not want to divulge too much information. You begin to explain the situation as best as you can without going into too much detail. 

“So I work somewhere and that place is about to close as my employer is selling it off. But instead of abandoning us, he helped us get a new job offer which is similar to what I do. It pays twice as much and it seems to have better benefits than I have had my entire life.”

“That sounds amazing. So where is the curveball that you were talking about?” He looked confused. 

"If I do accept the offer, I am contractually obliged to work for 6 months. The people I am working for might be sketchy… I I not sure if I want to get involved in a mess. That doesn't fit my plan." You look at him without hesitation for the first time. The setting sun light formed silver linings on the tips of his hair. 

"And what is the plan?" 

"Graduate, find a job outside this country and move. Leave all of this behind me for a fresh start." 

He whistled. "Damn, who broke your heart that you want to do this?" 

You threw some grass at him. "Hey! Not everything has to be dependent on other people!!! I am doing this for myself." 

He dodges your attack but some grass manages to land on his legs. "So… you have a plan….but what about the logistics of this plan of yours? Do you have a place and a job already outside this country?" 

You shake your head. 

"Do you have enough money to stay somewhere until you find a place in a new country?" He carefully picks the grass off his pants.

"Not a lot. I do have some saved." You'd began saving for it past 6 years. It wasn't a lot because you never worked full time but you worked hard and made a lot of compromises to save that money. 

"Well, think about it. If you worked for 6 more months, you'd save some more money and more money is always good. You want a fresh start and with a little more money, you might not have to cut corners. It can also act as a safety net if something does go wrong. And you have a legal contract, you seem like a smart person who has read through the fine print. Does anything seem suspicious to you?" He cleans all the grass from his pants and wipes his hands. 

"No..not really" 

"Then if I were you, I'd take up that offer. Get some more money and then continue with my plan. 6 months isn't that long of a time. You can apply for jobs and pick the ones that you are interested in rather than settling for something that gets you by. Think of it as a fun detour from your main destination." He shrugs 

"That's some rich people mentality, right there" you grin. 

"Maybe I am rich because I take opportunities that enhance my goals." He grins back at you. 

"Thank you. That was helpful advice." You smile. 

"Now that's the kinda expression I was hoping to see. You looked like a lost puppy when I first saw you." He chuckled as he opened his pack of cigarettes. 

"So you offer advise to random strangers who look lost? Is that your thing?"  You smirk at him. 

"No, just the pretty ones" He extends the pack to you. 

You shake your head and refuse the cigarette. 

"So you're a fuck boy?" You try to push his buttons. 

" (Y/N), I can assure you that I am no boy in any sense. Now fucking is something I can get behind. " He presses a cigarette against his lips and lights it. 

"I am sure you'd like to get behind a lot of girls as we if you know what I mean." You roll your eyes. Your mind wandered at the possibility of sharing a passionate night with this beautiful stranger in front of you. 

"Behind, over, under, on top of, anywhere really" He pulls his sunglasses down and winks at you. 

For the first time, you see his eyes. His bright, blue eyes that seemed like a photoshop edit. You thought his hair was dyed but his eyelashes and eyebrows were also white. 

"Wow. Are you this honest with the girls as well? I can't imagine this way of picking up chicks working for anyone." You look away from his eyes before it became to weird. You didn't want to come off as a creep. 

"Pfff… I have my ways. But no, I am not like this with most women."  He continues to smoke. 

"Should I be offended or flattered?" The words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. You felt like your self esteem took a hit. Were you not good enough to be hit on by a man like him? Probably. He seemed like someone out of your league. But it still stung. 

"Do you want me to hit on you? You seem like a person who doesn't like to beat around the bush." He looked at you holding your stare. 

"Um.. no thanks. I'd rather you not for both of our sakes." You quickly respond. 

"What does that mean?" He frowned. 

"Nothing" You mumbled. "Nothing important. I have to go now, Satoru. It was nice meeting you." You stand up. He follows your suit and stands up as well. 

"It was nice meeting you too, (Y/N)" He extends his hand. 

You shake his hand. Your hand immediately get enveloped in his. His hands felt soft but some places had calluses. You assumed it was from working out. You pull your hand away from him. 

"Well. Thank you again for listening to me ramble about my problem." You smile. 

"No problem at all. The next time I see you, I hope I don't see a frown." He pokes your forehead. 

You push his hand away. "How are you sure there's going to be a next time?" 

"I am not. But the world is a small place and you never know who you bump into. Goodbye, (Y/N)!" He turns around and walks the other way. You roll your eyes at his back, flustered by the encounter you just had and walk towards the bus stop in the opposite direction. You remembered that you had two cigarette butts in your hand. Yours and his. You look at it and see how the ashes have stained your palm. You throw the butts into the trash and look at your palm as you wait for the bus.

 'Think of it as a fun detour from your main destination…'

The words echo through your head. Maybe a detour isn't so bad for your plan after all. 

[cycat4077]

Real Talk

Words: 1639 Warnings: angst Pairing: Sonny x Reader AO3 here

This idea popped into my head after that phone call Sonny received which seemed to be a date. So, ignore the fact that we know that the person on the other end was Nicole. 🙃

Part 2

---

You had met Sonny at Fordham while taking your law degree. A few classes together and the two of you, with a couple other people, hit it off. Yes, you were part of that group Sonny mentioned to Amaro. The group that he went bowling with. In fact, you were even one of the “pretty girls”. However, that’s where it stayed. You and Sonny often bounced ideas off one another and studied for exams.

Any girl would be a fool to say that they didn’t have a crush on Carisi at least at some point, and you were no different. But the thing was, your friendship meant so much more. It was uncomplicated. Just two people who supported one another; borrowed ears to let off steam from time to time.

When graduation rolled around though, you and Sonny saw less and less of one another. His detective gig left him such little free time to begin with that without classes, it was virtually impossible to find the time to get together. And, as so often happens, the texts and calls grew fewer and far between until six whole years had come and gone.

That all changed however, when you walked into the Manhattan DA’s office to cross reference about a case that you were working in Brooklyn. You could recognize that lanky, well-dressed man anywhere. He was speaking to a colleague, using his hands like he always did to get his point across. Your heart rose to your throat.

“Sonny?” you speak up, but you already know the answer. He swivels on his heels to face you, his features easing and eyes lighting up upon recognition.

He crosses the room in just a few long strides, a huge smile plastered on his face. He speaks your name and scoops you into a hug. It catches you by surprise at first, but the warmth of his arms around you – back around you after so many years, makes you genuinely happy. “How are ya?” he exclaims. “It’s been too long.”

You make small talk for a little while, catching up on what you’d missed. Sonny was an ADA now, finally biting the bullet and moving on from SVU. You tell him that you’re working in Brooklyn, not on criminal cases, that was always more Sonny’s speed, but still enjoying the career that your time at Fordham had awarded you. It was decided that you and Sonny needed to make grabbing coffees and lunches a regular occurrence, and so the two of you reserved a space in your calendar for the first one of many.

It was nice to rekindle that friendship. For all the time you knew one another at school, you had always had one another’s backs. There were never any judgements and the two of you could talk about anything and everything. Sonny would always make sure you were doing okay, seemingly knowing just when you needed him to talk to. This dynamic worked both ways too. It used to be that Sonny would phone you up, sometimes in the middle of the night, because he had come off a particularly hard case. You always picked up and it was that mutual friendship and care that got you both through many tough times.

Unfortunately, in those six years, that type of relationship was something you hadn’t found since. Seeing Sonny again made you realize just how much you had missed him. Not to mention that he had gotten more handsome and impossibly sweeter. You hated to admit that there was a flutter in your stomach every time he would smile and a heat that rose to your cheeks when he’d give you a quick peck as a friendly hello.

Little did you know that Sonny was starting to feel that way too and, after a few months of coffee and lunch meet-ups, he invited you to have dinner with him. You suggested a place, one of the few restaurants which were open for dine-in and one that you loved.

Was it a date? You weren’t exactly sure, but you worked up the courage to make tonight the time to tell him how you felt. You put forth extra effort in your appearance, styling your hair and slipping into a nice dress. Stepping in front of the mirror, you take a deep breath and tell yourself that it’s now or never.

Then your phone rings. It’s Sonny. You pick up and greet him, smiling.

“Hey,” he says. “I just finished my paperwork n’ am ready ta leave.”

“Great!” you say eagerly. “I’ll call to confirm our reservation -”

“Ah, that sounds great,” Sonny sounds in your ear.

“- and I’ll make my way over there.”

 “Ah, that sounds great,” he says again. His voice sounds genuinely excited. “Listen, I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

“Sounds good, Sonny.” You take a breath, softening your voice. “I’m really looking forward to tonight.”

“Yeah, me too.” You can hear the smile in his voice.

“See you soon. Bye.”

“Alright, bye.”

A fluster of nervousness and excitement churn in your gut as you grab your coat and purse and head for the door.

---

Arriving at the restaurant, you’re taken to a table out of the way in one of the back corners. All the better to have a conversation, you think to yourself.

Just as you’ve gotten comfortable, your phone rings again. Sonny Carisi flashes on the screen. Your heart rises to your throat, unsure why he would be calling. “What’s up?” you answer.

“I’m gonna be late,” he begins apologetically. “Rollins had a family emergency and I was helping her take care of a few things.”

“Oh, okay,” you stammer out, slightly confused. “Be careful.”

“Yeah, I will. See you in a bit.” The line clicks off.

Amanda Rollins. A major figure in Sonny’s work life. His partner as a detective and still a member of the squad he tries cases for. Many the times you had heard about Rollins: how hard she had things, her problematic family, her daughter Jesse. And each mention of her would be rooted in Sonny’s desire to help her out somehow. Cook her dinner or help her with her baby. He’d tell you how great of a detective she was and how she, too, had his back.

However, Sonny could be gullible. He made decisions with his heart rather than his head and sometimes that let people take advantage of his kindness. So, you were often cautious on his behalf when he’d tell you about the things he did for Amanda. Sometimes it seemed that she, whether intentional or not, would accept Sonny’s kindness without giving him much in return. And by the way he used to talk about her, you suspected he had developed some sort of feelings for her. But through these conversations, he also invertedly revealed how she kept him at arms length. Now, from Sonny’s phone call, you suppose that things had never changed.

You sit there for what feels like an eternity, the waiter returning to check in on you a few times, until finally you see him round the restaurant corner towards your booth.

“I’m so sorry,” he begins, taking a seat. “Rollins – her dad had a stroke n' she needed ta fly out immediately. I arranged for her mom to watch her kids n' informed Liv what was goin' on. I feel so bad. I mean, she’s been through so much n' she really has no one…” He looks up at you then, noticing your attire. His eyebrows lift as he drinks in how pretty you look. But your face tells a different story.

You feel so disappointed. Not in Sonny, but rather, in yourself. You thought that the history you shared would bring you closer together. A solid and mutually supportive friendship was something you longed for in a significant other. Something for love to build off of and grow. Now though, seeing how Sonny was still holding out hope for Amanda, still giving her every ounce of himself with little in return, you couldn’t take it.

You catch Sonny’s gaze. “It was silly of me to think that this was a date.” Your voice is quiet, sadness brimming your words.

He stares back at you confused. His brow knits, “No!” he begins, the realization hitting him. “It was – is a date!” He reaches for your hand, placing his overtop. “I asked you here because it felt so good to reconnect with you. I missed you. We get along so easily and it’s nice to have someone to talk to again. I always thought you were attractive too, both physically and intellectually. When we were at Fordham we were always just friends but seeing you again and having you back in my life, well, it made me feel something.”

Sonny looks positively hurt, yet he understands how all this must seem to you. “I missed you too, Sonny. So much,” you reply, voice a little unsteady. “And I care about you more than you could ever imagine.” You give his hand a small squeeze and he closes his eyes for a moment, knowingly. “Except, I can’t be a placeholder while you wait for Amanda to come around. It’s not fair to me. It’s not fair to you either, but that decision has to come from you.”

There it is. All feelings laid bare. There’s nothing more you can say. You have and always will support Sonny and you always will be his friend. However, those lines between friendship and something more were starting to blur and before you give your heart away, you need to know if Sonny truly wishes to accept it.

Sonny studies your face, his mind racing. Then he looks down, squeezing his eyes shut. “I know,” he says running a thumb along your knuckles. "I know."

---

Tag list? @barbasbodaciousbeard @adarafaelbarba @teamsladsandgents @caracalwithchips @averyhotchner

❤

[ashxketchum]

Writer’s Month - 2

Wow, not me writing something for two days in a row? This one is a stand-alone oneshot for now, but I think there is a lot of potential for a sequel, I even have some part of it clearly planned out so if time allows me to sit down with my laptop sooner than later, I’ll work on that! 

Fandom/Pairing: Digimon/Mimato (friendship, yes I am capable of writing something other than romance between these two hahahaaa) 

Prompt: Coffee shop setting, cold (Yamato is very cold here, it’s actually kinda angsty) 

Setting: Post Tri but pre Kizuna. Yamato is in his first year of college and Mimi is in her last year of high school. The basis for this fic is solely the dialogue in To Sora, I wanted to explore the idea of Mimi and Yamato growing closer and having important conversations with each other, but it had to have a rocky start and this is that rocky start! 

~

“I’ll have a venti matcha berry frappe, nonfat, refrigerated chilled milk, absolutely no ice, extra whipped cream, which, make sure, is layered perfectly, with three pumps of caramel syrup and two of vanilla.”

He could feel his manager’s eyes boring into his back, so Yamato did what any other good employee in his place would, he kept a straight face and diligently noted down the customer’s request before moving on to ringing it up without once bothering to look at the girl standing behind the counter or ask for her name. He wondered if his manager would find it strange, that he hadn’t taken the customer’s name, but seeing as Yamato was already putting all his effort into concentrating well on his job and not explode on the brunette who seemed to take some pleasure out of his misery, he decided that he was allowed this one slip and he’d deal with his manager later, since the bigger problem was in front of him, eyeing him with a teasing glint in her caramel eyes as he picked up the paper cup and moved over to the work station to begin working on her order. He did however, kept a track of what his manager was doing from the corner of his eye, and the minute the older man was out of sight, Yamato breathed a sigh of relief and spun on his feet.

“Please Mimi, by all means, go ahead and make my job more difficult.” Yamato seethed, managing to keep his voice low so as to not attract any attention to them.

“Well, if you’re going to ask that nicely.” Mimi smirked, as always she had the upper hand in the conversation due to the safety guaranteed by being a customer at the shop.

“Just take the drink and go, let me work in peace.” Yamato attempted to maintain a superior tone as he begged her to leave, turning again to add the finishing touches to her order as quickly as he could, before his superior caught whiff of his not so welcoming attitude towards their customers.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Mimi beamed at him, as she accepted the finished product from his hand, her fingers brushed against his for a brief moment, suddenly making Yamato hyper aware of the spot at the back of his hand.

“Don’t you have anything better to do? Entrance exams to worry about?” He asked exasperatedly, she seemed too carefree for someone who was in the last year of their high school, remembering his own experience of it from the previous year.

Mimi scoffed in reply, waving a hand in the air to brush aside his concern for her education, instead of turning to make her way out of the store now that she had received her order, she settled on the empty bar stool on the other side of the pick-up counter, resting one elbow on the counter top as she took careful sips of her drink from the other hand. He watched her like a hawk, Yamato wouldn’t put it past the brunette to make fake claims about the taste of the drink just to get him into trouble. 

This had been going on for a few months now, every time he had a shift during her after school hours, Mimi would make it her life’s purpose to show up and annoy him to no extent. He’d attempted to explain to her, that he really needed to keep this job to maintain his life expenses, but apparently the pleasure she took from watching him stumble around while making coffee seemed to take precedent over his livelihood.

Of course, Mimi wasn’t the only one to blame here, if only his roommate at the college dorm wasn’t a bigger pain in the ass, Yamato would never had have to take up this part-time job in the first place. When he had complained to his father about not being able to get along well with his roomie, instead of agreeing to raise his monthly allowance so that Yamato could move out and rent a place of his own, his father had promptly told him that as an adult, he should learn to solve his own problems from now on. Yamato had half a mind to remind his father that him and his friends had not only solved the Digital World’s problems on multiple occasions, but also saved their own world by doing so, but he had stayed quiet and accepted his fate. On Takeru’s recommendation he had taken up a part-time job at this popular coffee joint, the pay was decent and the hours weren’t too bad and well Yamato always had had a knack for being good in the kitchen, so it had been suiting his purposes of saving up to move out of the college dorm as soon as possible just well.

Until Mimi happened to walk in one day and decided to take matters into her own hands.

She had been surprised to see him behind the counter, and at first she had just been curious, about what he was doing here or what he had been up to since the graduation ceremony. Yamato had to admit, that ever since he had graduated high school, he’d finally understood what Jou had been struggling with for the longest time, it wasn’t easy to maintain friendships when one was thrust with the responsibility of taking care of every single aspect of their lives and somehow pursue studies on which one’s future life depended at the same time. He considered himself lucky, if he was able to have a phone conversation with Takeru that lasted more than 5 minutes in a day. So he hadn’t been wary of Mimi popping up every now and them, updating him about her and Koushiro’s school life, and sometimes Jou’s and Sora’s too. It gave him a way to stay connected with everyone without having to make time for them, and while he did feel guilty about this on multiple occasions, he was grateful for it too.

That was before Mimi got bored with just talking about their lives, and decided to spice up their encounters by getting him to light trouble with his manager. It was usually just silly little things like claiming he got her order wrong or giving extremely complicated and hard to follow requests, and she had never pulled something huge that would seriously get Yamato in trouble, but it was still frustrating and it ruined his mojo for the rest of his shift.

There was also the question of why Mimi had suddenly taken such a liking to spending time with him, of all people, since they had never been close enough for a relationship like this. They’d spent time together before sure, and they’d had their fair share of agreements and disagreements when it came to matters related to the Digital World, but apart from that Yamato could barely remember any interactions with her that didn’t circle back to the Digital World or their Digimon Partners. So the thought always nagged at him, at the back of his head, when she would appear with a skip in her step and fix him with one of the brightest smiles he knew.

But then she would go on to do something diabolical, and he’d be reminded of how similar she was to his little brother, which led to him missing Takeru and left him irritated and wishing for her to leave.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Yamato turned his attention towards the brunette sitting in front of him, she had set down the drink on the counter top and was currently surveying the store with her bright eyes, the mischievous glint in them indicating that she was just looking for something that could serve as prop of the day in interfering with his work. Relieved that he had caught her while she was still in her planning phase, Yamato decided to take control of the situation before his manager returned and reprimanded him for being rude to their customers.

“You really don’t have anything better to do?” Yamato began icily, making Mimi turn her gaze towards him, the challenging look on her face seemed to put the last nail to his patience’s coffin as he snapped at her, “Don’t you have any friends?”

He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth, biting his tongue in an attempt to stop himself from groaning outwardly.

The effect on Mimi was immediate, all colour drained from her face and her eyes shone with a blanket of tears just waiting to fall, but with a single blink she managed to keep them at bay and faced him with a hardened look as she replied quietly, “I thought that’s what we were.”

And before Yamato could make any attempts to take back his statements or even begin to apologize for his behaviour, Mimi was out of the door, leaving behind her drink on the counter and without sparing a single glance in his direction.

Yamato allowed himself to groan out loud when he picked up her cup to clear the counter and found that it was still heavy, she had barely begun to drink it. He couldn’t help but chide himself internally, for missing on something that was so obvious, for even deliberating on an answer that was right in front of his eyes this entire time.

Yamato couldn’t believe that he, of all people, had missed out on the signs of their budding friendship, had pushed it aside as nothing but an occasional nuisance within his routine. 

His optimistic side hoped that he would just explain himself to her when she’d show up tomorrow, even offer her her favourite drink for free as a token of his apology, but a tiny voice at the back of his head reminded him, that there was no way Mimi would come back to spend time with him after this.

Unfortunately, it was the tiny voice that prevailed in its prediction, as Mimi didn’t show the next day or the one after that, or after that.

At first Yamato consoled himself by devoting himself to the tasks at hand, happy to finally be able concentrate on his work, he managed to win praises from his manager on multiple occasions which pushed Mimi’s absence from his surroundings out of his head, and for a while it worked.

But then there were slow days, when he didn’t have much to do but stand behind the counter and look at all the people sitting around in groups of twos and threes, laughing and chatting loudly as they sipped their coffees and munched on their food. The sight would tug on an invisible string in his heart, make him long for Mimi’s teasing smile as she rattled off with an order comprising of the most incompatible ingredients, laughing loudly at the look of horror that would take over his face as he wrote down her instructions. There were days when the shop would be eerily silent, and he’d hear her voice in his head, telling him about something that had happened at school. There were days when someone would walk by with a pet, cuddling it and showering it with affection, making him miss Gabumon’s soft fur and he’d instinctively turn towards the pick-up counter, hoping to tell Mimi about it but was met with emptiness instead.

He hadn’t realised, just how much he had managed to share with her during their encounters, and how he had begun to depend on her company to get him through his mundane work life. And in true Yamato fashion, he had gone ahead and messed it all up by thinking about things from only his perspective.

His father’s words echoed in his mind once again, he had to learn to solve his own problems, and what better time to start than now?

[basicallywhiterice]

across the world (lucas wong, dong sicheng/winwin)

pairing: lucas x reader, sicheng/winwin x reader

genre: angst, fluff, flangst. friends to lovers, college!au, dancer!sicheng, relationships and heartbreak

summary:  You always thought a piece of your heart would belong to Sicheng, your first love, who ended things when he moved overseas. In the end, though, there’s nothing across the world except for a boy you used to know.

word count: 4.6k

warnings: cussing

a/n: see y’all next month for the last part, feel free to yell at me so i finish writing it sooner (p.s. peep the hamilton reference)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

this can be read as a standalone, but is part 2 in the on top of the world series. crossposted on ao3 here!

CHARLOTTE, NC

Charlotte Douglas International Airport, 1:42 p.m.

“Is this goodbye?” Sicheng murmurs, hugging you tighter. You strain to hear him amidst the hustle and bustle of the airport.

“I guess it is.” He’s leaving for Korea, pursuing his ambitious dance dreams. You’re staying in the states and starting college soon. There’s no time for an international relationship in either of your lives.

It’s cruel, you think, that the heartbreak from your first love will have been so worth it, that you’d have to live through the “right person, wrong time” so soon.

You nod, once. “Ah. Well. Bye.”

“We’re really over? We’re—officially breaking up?”

The words cut like a knife, but you try to stay strong for Sicheng’s sake. “Yeah,” is all you can manage without breaking down. “I guess we are.”

“Okay.”

So this is how it ends, you think. “Go and conquer the dance world.”

“I will. I—I really love you. I’m gonna miss you.”

“I love you too, Sicheng. You should go.”

“Ok.” He hoists up his backpack and raises his suitcase handle. “I—goodbye.”

“Bye.”

He starts toward the security line after some initial hesitation, flanked by his parents on either side. Trailing behind right before stopping, he turns back one last time, waving a final farewell.

After he’s gone, Lucas pats you on the back, Giselle hugs you tighter, and Ningning lets you cry into her shoulder. It helps, and it just barely holds you together as your world falls apart.

Home, 11:49 a.m.

You feel hollow.

Exactly six weeks before you leave for college, Sicheng does a routine call in the sliver of free time he has, sandwiched between his classes for the day. You’re still struggling through your acceptance of the change that was bound to happen, spending your days with your friends while you still have time. Though you’ve thrown yourself into living without him, seeing his face feels like a punch in the gut.

Even though he’s across the world, you let yourself forget for a moment, but you can’t pretend any longer when he hangs up.

Today was supposed to be your three month anniversary.

You turn down Yangyang’s invitation to skateboard and cry into your pillow.

Today was supposed to be your three month anniversary, but all you’re left with is a broken heart that Sicheng still holds.

ATLANTA, GA, FRESHMAN YEAR

Turman Hall, 11 a.m.

“Hey. How’d you like your first week?”

You spit out your toothpaste, holding up a finger and motioning for him to wait as you rinse.

“It was okay,” you say. “I haven’t really made new friends yet. I’ve, uh, hung out with a few people though, and Lucas and Giselle are in some of my classes.” Some water droplets spray out from a splash of water, and you wince a little at how low the dorm’s sinks are.

“Have you talked to the people on your floor?”

“Yeah, they’re cool. I’m pretty happy here, I think I just need more time to get to know people better,” you shrug. “Anyways. How are you?”

“It’s going pretty well. Someone from New York joined earlier this week, so she’s kind of in the same boat as me, except she’s Korean.” He’s about to continue when he yawns, words growing incomprehensible.

“You should sleep soon. When are you getting up tomorrow?”

“Late enough. I probably should, though.”

“Then why’d you call? Go to sleep, Sicheng.”

“I wanted to see you, is that really a crime?” He yawns again. “Well then. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

You know you’ll only get hurt in the long run, but that doesn’t stop you from texting him to set up another time to call once you know he’s asleep.

Turman Hall, 12:15 p.m.

Sicheng cancels a Facetime he scheduled earlier in the week, too tired to call after a grueling practice. It’s the first time he’s done so, and you knew he was going to get too busy for you eventually, but it still breaks your heart.

You’re staring at your laptop when a tidal wave of loneliness pulls you under. You miss Sicheng, but you also miss the rest of your high school friends, your parents, and the simplicity of life before college.

Just as you’re about to text him, Lucas calls you.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Yooo,” he greets. “Are you still coming to the student center?”

“Yeah, I was about to head out. Why’d you call?”

“You weren’t responding.”

You pause, a wave of tears suddenly welling up. “Thank you, Lucas,” you say, voice steady enough to avoid suspicion. “I’ll be there in 10.”

“Yeah, see you then.”

The loneliness doesn’t fade, but it doesn’t weigh as heavily anymore.

Turman Hall, 7:14 p.m.

You’re pulling on your shoes, about to head out to meet with Winter at a nearby restaurant, when Sicheng calls you. After a bit of hesitation, you reason it won’t take long and pick up.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Sicheng says, hair sweaty and face shining. “I’m on break right now. How are you?”

“I’m doing alright. Why’d you call?” you ask. He almost never calls during his breaks. “Isn’t it busy there?”

“I felt lonely,” he says, and you’re not sure why it hurts to hear that was the only reason. “Is anything interesting happening?”

“Uh.” It’s been a while since he last called, and you forget what you’ve told him already. “Well, Karina’s been encouraging me to rush next semester. I’m not sure if I want to do it, though.”

“That sounds really fun. You could meet some new people there.”

“Yeah, but it seems really time consuming, and I’ve made friends already. I just—”

“If you want to try it, I don’t see why not.”

“Yes, I just don’t know if I can handle it on top of my classes.”

“You need to decide what you want,” he says, and you blink, startled by his sudden outburst. Your first instinct is to apologize, but you have nothing to be sorry for, and you wonder if something major or stressful happened recently.

“I have been,” you mumble, trying not to sound defensive. “I declared my major last week, the joint bachelor’s and master’s thing here. I talked to my advisor about it and I’m trying to graduate in four years. I have a plan.”

“Oh.” He pauses, head tilting. “You didn’t tell me.”

“I wanted to tell you over call.”

“Ah. You should’ve said something.”

You just shrug, wanting to move on. “I’m excited. How are you, though? Why are you feeling lonely?” You know it’s pointless to ask when he only has a few minutes of free time, but you still want to give him an option to answer.

“I’m alright, getting busier now but—”

The door opens behind him, a dancer clad in black clothing walking on screen. They speak a string of Korean to which Sicheng nods, standing up and stretching his legs.

“Sorry, break’s up,” he says, face coming back into the frame as he bends down to pick up his phone. “Text you later?”

You’ve gotten used to it by now. “Okay. Good luck. Bye.”

His face is replaced first with your text history, and next with a black screen. You stare at it, wondering if he even loved you in the first place.

You don’t decide on an answer during the 15 minute walk to dinner, but when you meet Winter there, you find that there are better ways to fill your time.

Turman Hall, 11:15 p.m.

Your hands shake as you press the FaceTime button under Sicheng’s contact. As your phone rings, you set it down to wipe your palms on your pants.

After tonight, you’ve decided to cut Sicheng out of your life. The timing is less than ideal, but with exams just completed and an abundance of time to reflect, it’s the best you can do. All you want is one final call with him, and you’ll rip off the bandaid.

Sicheng answers quickly. He’s sitting at his desk, a pillow propped up between him and his chair. “Hey,” he says, waving. An easy smile hangs from his face, and he looks the most relaxed he’s been in months.

“Hey,” you breathe. “How are you?”

He eats lunch as you talk, almost making you regret your decision to distance yourself. Your resolve never crumbles like you thought it would, though, and you think your conviction signals the point of no return.

Tonight, you hang up first. It feels like you can breathe again when you press the ‘end call’ button, but your heart crushes under the weight of your lungs.

Turman Hall, 11:57 p.m.

“I’m moving on,” you say, resting your elbows on the windowsill and looking up toward the looming night sky. The moon hangs high above, its gentle glow drawing out everything you’ve been bottling up.

“I can’t wait for him to come back when he’s happy without me,” you tell the moon. “I need to live my life without him. Otherwise, it’s not fair to me, or him, or anyone who cares about me.”

A tear traces its way down your face, plopping down onto the ledge. “I used to love him. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away, but I know that someday, I’ll be able to look back at it as something in the past.”

The stars wink back at you, silently, and you wonder if the moon ever gets tired of orbiting the Earth.

CHARLOTTE, NC

Home, 7:09 p.m.

Sicheng texts you every day during the first week of winter break. Each time, you ignore him for hours before responding, and it feels horrible, but there’s no other way around it.

Today’s texts come when you’re sitting in your room with Giselle and Kun, waiting for the sugar cookie dough to chill in the fridge. He asks how you are, if you want to call in the pocket of free time he has right now and tell him more about your future plans. You stare at the messages on your lockscreen, waiting for your phone to turn off before limply tossing it on your bed.

“What’s going on?” Giselle asks eventually, pulling you out of your reverie.

“What?”

“Y/n,” she says, scooting closer. You look up from the miniature Christmas tree nestled in your lap, having fiddled with its flimsy branches to distract yourself from replying. “What’s wrong? Talk to us, we’re here for you.”

You glance over at Kun. “I can tell the rest of them not to come because Giselle and I got food poisoning or something, if you need to vent to us.” He pulls his phone out, ready to text Yangyang, Lucas, and Ningning at a moment’s notice.

You wonder how long they’ve known, even when you kept quiet and tried to shoulder your pain alone. Your phone’s ringing saves you from answering immediately, lighting up with an incoming Facetime from Sicheng, and it hurts not to pick up, but it would hurt even more if you did.

“He said he has 20 minutes to call,” you relay to Kun and Giselle dully, your cover blown. They share a sideways glance, but neither of them say anything. “Should I? I don’t even know if I want to talk to him, but y’all probably haven’t called him in a while.”

“Don’t think of us, think of what you want,” Giselle urges.

You nod, reaching for the phone again. It’s still ringing when you silence it, throwing it back on the bed.

“Yeah. That’s what I want.” And then you fall over onto Giselle’s lap, desperately wishing for the pain to end, and she holds you as you sob for the first time in a week. “He’s—it’s—different now, and—s’okay, b-but it’s…” you choke out before you start hiccuping.

The room is quiet as you cry, only the sounds of sniffling and gentle consoling present, as you shed a semester’s worth of tears. You start talking once you’re coherent enough, putting your heart on full display, and it’s cathartic. It’s cathartic to ugly cry, to retell your love story to two friends who love you deeply, to release of all the hurt and longing you’ve been holding onto just to remember how you and Sicheng were.

And when you’re done, letting go gives more room for hope to come in.

ATLANTA, GA

Waffle House, 1:01 a.m.

“What do you mean, of course you were gonna get a bid, you idiot,” you exclaim around a bite of waffles. “I can’t believe you’re a frat boy now.”

“I was worried! I thought that one dude hated me, remember?” Lucas grins. “And don’t worry, I’m not an official frat boy yet.”

“Don’t fucking get hazed when you pledge.”

He raises his hands, still holding a syrup-covered pancake piece speared onto his fork. “I won’t. Don’t fall into the whole ‘frat boys are dumb’ thing on me, now, I know how to look after myself.”

“I’m not, I’m just worried,” you sigh. “Just—stay safe, y’know?”

“Aw, you do care after all.”

“Shut up before I make you pay for your pancakes.”

He doesn’t shut up. “Anyways, enough about me. You don’t have to, uh, say anything, but are you—are you doing okay?”

You can’t tell if he’s talking about Sicheng or life in general, but you offer an honest answer to both. You’ll find out which one he’s referring to soon enough. “I’m doing better.”

“I can tell.”

You stare at him for a second too long, the harsh fluorescent lights glaring down, and you think that maybe Sicheng came into your life at exactly the right time.

Three truths arise at the exact same time: You don’t love Sicheng anymore. You’re happier without him. And you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the day quickly approaching when you are perfectly satisfied with what was, and have no grieving for what could have been.

Clairmont Road, 6:08 p.m.

When it arrives, it’s any other spring day. You’re sitting at a bus stop, scrolling through social media, helping Winter finalize the Airbnb booking for your upcoming spring break trip, and discussing your summer internship applications with Ten at the same time, when Giselle scrolls back up your feed.

“Isn’t that… Sicheng? He went viral?”

“Hm?” You glance down at a dance trend, the dancer vibing onscreen alongside a popular filter. Then your eyes land on the several hundred thousand likes beneath the video. “That’s him?” you finally realize. You haven’t kept up with his dance account in a few months, and it seems like you’ve missed out on a lot.

“Oh my god, he made it, didn’t he?”

“Holy shit. All because of a TikTok dance? That’s insane.”

You call Lucas over, and the three of you rewatch the video.

As you watch, you wait for your expression to fall again, for your heart to drop and your stomach to twist when you think about him, but nothing happens. And as you feel nothing but happiness for his success, the last scratch on your heart heals itself, and you smile.

Then the epiphany hits you: you and Sicheng may never talk, meet, or be okay with each other again, but it doesn’t matter. It hasn’t mattered for a while, not when your heart is bursting with love for your own life and stays silent for a boy who was once in it.

He’s in his own world—leaving you happier now that you’re done learning what you needed to from him, wiser and more content—and you’re in your own, taking over the world with only those you choose to share it with.

It’s solitary on top of the world, but it will never be lonely, not when you fight for everything you want and hold the people you love close to your heart.

You let go of Sicheng a long time ago.

ATLANTA, GA, SOPHOMORE YEAR

The Quad, 7:30 p.m.

The day Lucas asks you out is the day the flowers outside your window start to bloom.

“I really like you,” he says, his beaming expression matching yours, “and I was wondering if you’d like to go out? On a date with me?”

He’s awkward, but carries himself with confidence. His fidgeting hands give away the nervousness he tries to hide, but his grin catches your attention. There’s a lot of things you like about him, but you think his smile might be one of your favorites.

“I would love to.”

Main Street, 8:15 p.m.

By the time your three month anniversary with Lucas rolls around, you’ve started bringing down your heart’s defenses already. There’s no reason to keep them up: he doesn’t make you cry when you worry about the future, is never gone for long enough to make your heart ache. He’s safe, and you want to stop keeping him at arm’s distance.

And you’ll be okay. You’ve lived through one heartbreak already and emerged stronger than ever. And if your vulnerability with Lucas means it will heighten your next heartbreak, then it’ll be worth it a million times over.

You hand parts of your heart for him to hold, dropping your defenses day by day. This is the point of no return, and you choose to walk past it with Lucas by your side.

ATLANTA, GA, JUNIOR YEAR

The Quad, 10:22 p.m.

“I’m in love with you,” Lucas confesses. Grinning from ear to ear, he swings your clasped hands together, practically restraining himself from skipping down the park path. Your hand slips an inch before he catches it, oblivious to the sweat coating your palms inside your gloves.

The right words never come, and slowly, the smile melts off his face. “Baby?”

Your throat constricts as you swallow hard around your dry tongue.

“Baby, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it before you were comfortable, I…”

“Lucas.” Pausing, you bring a shaky fist up to your mouth, covering the lower half of your face as you stall for time. “I… don’t know.”

Your hand slips out of his. “Oh.”

“Lucas, I love you very much. But there’s a difference. I… don’t know if I’m in love with you.” He stares at you, expression tight, and your stomach turns. “This doesn’t mean no. I really don’t know, but I do know that you make me happy. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I thought I had been clear in how I felt.”

You wince, slightly. “I’m—”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize.” He swallows. “Can we please go back to the dorms? I’m not mad, and I don’t want you to feel bad, but I really need to be alone right now.”

“Can we work this out first?” you ask, panic settling into your voice.

“I don’t know if we can do that right now.” “Have—have you been open with me? About how you feel these past few months?”

“Can we at least try? I—” Your voice breaks, and you clench your jaw to ground yourself before continuing. “Of course I’ve been open. I made the choice to communicate everything I felt, I overcame my fear of heartbreak. Just because I’m not sure if I’m in love with you yet doesn’t mean I haven’t tried and cared.”

“I don’t—can we please go back? I need some time alone.”

“You can’t just walk away like that,” you say, voice shaking. “You—you’re not trying to solve this together.”

“I don’t know,” he says, and it hurts to hear when it’s all he says, but not as much as it hurt you to say.

“Lucas,” you say, and it feels horrible pleading for him to listen. “Please work this out with me. Show me that you’re choosing me, too.”

He stares at you, motionless. Your worry compounds when he stays there, heart ripping apart at the seams as you resign yourself to the fact that this is the beginning of the end. Jaw clenching, you let your tears trickle down your face, the frigid wind sending pricks of coldness down your face.

Then he steps closer, blurry silhouette growing bigger. You furiously wipe away your tears, wool gloves scratching at your cheeks, to get a good look at his expression, when he hesitantly reaches up for your hands.

“I’m sorry,” he says, slowly lowering your joined hands. “I know you’re hurt. I need you to trust me when I need some time to process this, and I know you want to work on this together, but I need to be alone first. Would you be okay with going back to your dorm, but staying in different rooms for a while so that I can still be close to you?”

It’s not okay—not if he’s giving up on solving it together. “You get the bathroom.”

“Deal.”

You don’t get the chance to tell him that night, for you fall asleep before he talks to you again.

His absence speaks for itself, and you think this might be the point of no return.

Woodruff Hall, 12:12 a.m.

Lucas gives up over winter break, and you want to blame him, but you’re too busy blaming yourself for breaking up with him to be angry.

“Why?” he demands, gaze cold. You look away.

“You knew this was coming,”

“You were the one who talked about choosing each other and working on our relationship.”

And you were the one who gave up first, you think, but you’re too tired to be bitter. “Lucas, I don’t think you can change my mind at this point.”

“Are you—is it because I’m in love with you?”

“Lucas, please, just go.”

“Did you ever love me?” You hate that you can’t comfort him the first time he cries in front of you.

“We can talk about this later, but please, I need to be alone right now.”

You start sobbing the moment he walks out the door.

The Quad, 11:32 p.m.

Were you in love with him?

Woodruff Hall, 1:57 a.m.

You were not in love with him.

Woodruff Hall, 11:29 a.m.

When Sicheng Facetimes you for the second time this year, you’re not expecting it. You certainly aren’t expecting the news he drops.

“You’re dating someone?” you ask as he blushes.

For a horrible moment, all you can think is what if what if what if before you blink, and then your guilt over your past evaporates.

“That’s awesome. What are they like?”

“She’s really cool. She joined the studio a year after I did and we started talking recently. It’s going really well.”

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Me too,” he grins. “How are you, though? Anything interesting happen?”

“Nah, I’m just pretty stressed,” you half-fib. “Just—life, you know?”

“I see. How are you and Lucas?”

A cross between a laugh and a sob rips out of your throat unexpectedly. “We—we broke up earlier this month.”

Sicheng goes still. “Oh, shit, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“He—it’s—I’ll be okay. I trust myself enough to end up okay,” you babble. “It’s chill. It’ll be chill eventually.”

“Things will get better,” he agrees, “but you shouldn’t ignore how you feel right now. Are you alright? Wanna talk about it?”

You tell him an abridged version, one that’s probably still too personal for him, and he consoles you the best he can.

You still feel the finality when he hangs up, though, the sense of obligation he felt to inform you of his girlfriend obvious from the start. It’s an unspoken agreement that neither one of you will contact the other so as not to intrude on his new relationship, and you imagine it’ll be the last time he calls you this year.

And you’re okay with that—have been okay with it for years by now. Sicheng’s gone, not the one that got away, and you feel a deep peace settle in your bones.

One day, you’ll feel the same about Lucas, too, and that victory carries you through the week.

ATLANTA, GA, SENIOR YEAR

Oxford Road, 4:28 p.m.

“Hi, Lucas.”

He looks up from his laptop, pulling his textbook from the cafe table to make more room for you. “Hey, it’s good to see you again.”

The awkwardness you’ve been preparing for in your meeting never comes. “You too,” you say, pulling out a chair and sitting across from him. “How have you been?”

“I’m doing really well. How ‘bout you?”

“Me too. I’m glad you’re doing good. How’d that internship go, by the way?”

“Oh my god, it went great,” he recounts. “Ten told you how he was interning under a different department, right? And that he worked on the floor above mine?”

“He did. Did y’all see each other often? He didn’t really mention a lot other than how he got wasted with you.”

“Yeah. He’s less of a lightweight now, did you know? Anyways, I shared an apartment with a few guys, and one of them was from his hometown, and he was doing analytics as well and he mentioned that he had interned with you last summer. Do you remember a Hendery?”

“I remember him! Does he still have a bunch of questionable ties?”

“So many. We got him a Shrek tie that Ten ended up picking, and he wore it on the last day, it was great.”

You and Lucas are okay again.

You only realize that you never ordered a drink by the time you head out.

Executive Park, 10:42 p.m.

Sicheng calls for the first time in a year right when Winter leaves your college apartment for the last time. It’s not the last time you’ll see her before you move out, but it brings about a sense of finality.

“Hello?” you ask after a moment of silence.

“You’re still going to school in LA next year, right?”

“Hello?” Winter glances over, one hand on your doorknob, and you shake her head. Covering your phone, you mouth “I’m fine.” She doesn’t look convinced, but closes the door behind her anyways.

“Please,” he says, and his sense of urgency grabs your attention. “I’ll explain, but I need to know.”

“Yeah, I am. Why? What’s happening?”

“So. I might be moving there to teach at a dance studio.”

“You’re moving back?” you press. “Why? When? Which studio?”

“Millennium, sometime in the fall,” he says, loud chatter on his end briefly drowning out his words. “Shit—I don’t have a lot of time right now, but I got confirmation that I’ll be teaching there just now, and I—I remembered you were gonna be there, and, you know? Can we talk about this sometime later? I’m at the studio right now, I just—”

“Sicheng, that’s fine,” you say when you hear the talking in the background pick up again, worried that he’s missing out on a class or practice. “I’m proud of you for making it there. We’ll talk later?”

“Thank you, yeah, we should.”

You nod, not knowing what to do. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he says, and you hang up as soon as the syllable has left his mouth.

Sicheng’s moving back. He’s moving back, a stranger behind his familiar smile, and it’s difficult to think about meeting him when you’d assumed you’d never see him again.

Against the backdrop of surprise, your curiosity stands out the most. You wonder what kind of person he grew into—wonder if he ever found something besides dance to chase, what his most recent catchphrase is, how his girlfriend is doing, if he still listens to the SoundCloud rapper after he went into pop, how often he calls his parents—and you miss the ease of being able to ask him, no sour memories to impede even the simplest of conversations.

This is the price you have to pay, you suppose, for knowing you were meant to outgrow each other.

[syinisuga]

Begin Again [MinYoongi]

Pairing : Yoongi x Reader

Word count : 5.2K

Genre : Fluff and Angst

Description : Friends to lovers, Long Distance relationship, Lovers to (?)

Summary : when you thought the friendship you once had with him died away after one silly mistake, and you thought you would never have again what you lost;

But it blossoms back unexpectedly stronger and is slowly growing to be something more beautiful than you ever had

"I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn, and end;

But on a Wednesday in a cafe i watched it Begin Again"

--------------------✨📖✨---------------------

It was the start of a new year and you weren't particularly happy about being moved up a few classes into an entirely new class with relatively new students you haven't personally met yet. You were still grateful for your good results in the past year to have you land in such a good class. In all honesty though, you did miss your friends from your old class, all of them being scattered in the back classes however changed your mind about being thankful that you're at least in a better one. The first few days of getting used to the classes went by rather slowly as you were listening to the introductions of the other students and teachers half mindedly, till around your 4th day into the classes that is.

You were randomly seated in the Chemistry lab by the teacher as she familiarised herself with the rest of the class. Not paying much attention you were spacing out, resting your chin on your palm, tapping away at your cheek.

" Um, hey there"

The voice from the stool next to you spoke. You turned your head to the direction of the voice, being met with warm brown eyes looking right at you. He had soft black hair, eyes slightly puffy as if he hadn't slept well the night before, lips curled up in a slight smile as he looked at you.

"Oh, hello"

you answered, trying not to sound overly shocked at the first human interaction you've had in this new class.

"I'm yoongi, what's your name?"

"I'm y/n, nice to meet you Yoongi"

"So what are your interests? What do you like to do y/n? Any hobbies?"

It definitely took you by surprise when this boy you've never really met before was suddenly making an interest to get to know you more. Something about him felt raw and not shy but in a good way.

"Well i really love listening to music and i do indulge in art as well. Spend most of my time listening to songs while drawing. Draw the mood of the song you know?"

"Damn, haha you sound kinda like me. Not tryna be cheesy or anything but i love listening to music too, I'm shit at drawing tho, i can barely draw a stickman"

Both of you exchanged a little chuckle at his open confession about himself. And even though it had only been a few minutes of words between the two of you, you felt at that moment that he wasn't like the other boys who popped up to talk to you first. This one genuinely seemed interested in you just to make a new friend.

-----------------------🤝------------------------

"Yo y/n you wanna ditch PE and hang out in the library? The new Resident Evil movie came out we can watch"

"You know what, yeah let's yeet"

You don't know how it went from spending lunch times together, to skipping the most boring subjects to hang out and hide. It'd been a few months since you started your new friendship with Yoongi, and by now you were known as the inseparable duo, funny enough both of you became the class representatives. Somehow you two got closer and closer each day, the more you talked the more you felt like you've known each other for years, yet some part of you knew that there was more to Yoongi than he was showing to you.

On a particularly slow day at your classes, you and Yoongi had pre planned to sneak out to hang out at your usual spot in the library. Sitting at the back of the library the both of you laughed at a joke Yoongi made about how almost the whole school shipped the both of you.

"You know y/n, I envy you"

"Oh well, I know I'm fabulous" you playfully said as you flipped your hair back, earning a little grunt and a harmless eye roll from Yoongi.

"It's not that you loonatic, i envy you...cause you have such a nice relationship with your family"

His sudden statement caught you slightly off guard but you gave him a look, clearly eager to know the reason behind his words. Flashing half a smile towards you he starts his story.

"Growing up for me was, well, it was an experience. I grew up under the care of foster parents who constantly reminded me that my parents gave me away cause i was a burden, all my life that's what i was told. Never had a father figure or mother figure to help shape my emotions? Guess that's why I don't show it if I'm sad or depressed, which is actually most of the time"

he looks down at his hands and chuckles softly.

"But you know something y/n? Being with you makes me feel like I could be myself, like I don't have to be afraid of being judged. And that's why I wanted you to know the truth but i understand if you don't wanna get involved or-"

You cut him off by placing your hand on his, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Yoongi, i want you to know that I'll always be here for you and you can talk to me about this anytime okay? You're my best friend now! And I'm hoping I'm yours too?" You ask in a more playful tone making yoongi giggle.

"Of course you are"

"Good! Cause i come in a package deal of crackhead and supportive as well as a no return contract"

"Sounds perfect to me bestie"

-----------------------😚------------------------

Over 2 years had passed and the whole highschool down to the teachers were sure the two of you were in a relationship, as everyone saw the two of you being practically stuck together almost all the time. Yoongi and your friendship became stronger than ever since that day he decided to open up to you. It became a regular thing where you'd confide in each other for emotional comfort as well as motivation and support. Not missing the fact that your level of crackhead together had become an all time high.

Your finals and exams blasted through and you had spent all your study weeks with Yoongi in the library. As sketchy as it was you and your best friend actually did sincere studying. And as it would, your hard work together paid off earning the both of you high marks in your finals. The two of you didn't miss to make a trademark crackhead scene at the receiving of the scroll ceremony when you accidentally tripped on your shoelace and Yoongi cracked up laughing and clapping before helping you up. The two of you celebrate with drinks and a lot of food that night and Yoongi paid for everything to make it up to you for laughing when you fell.

You looked at yourself one last time in the mirror before heading out to your highschool's hall. It was your graduation party but more importantly to you it was Yoongi's birthday. Coincidentally the two events had fallen on the same day, and what better opportunity than to get dressed up to party at your graduation ceremony together. It had been a heck of a ride these last two years, and you were going to make sure this last school event would be memorable.

Upon arriving you scan around the hall of students in search of the familiar face.

"Looking for me?"

He makes his presence behind you known by clearing his throat. You turn around to give your usual playful comment back but the words were caught in your throat as your gaze landed on your best friend. He was dressed smart, in a suit that looked like it was custom made to fit him, his hair in a side part and bangs neatly framing his face. You were so used to seeing him in his casual hoodies and ripped jeans that seeing him in formal wear made you choke on your words.

Too focused on getting your senses back in check, you don't notice how Yoongi's train of thought was stopped dead in its tracks as he watched you turn around to face him. He never pictured his crackhead of a best friend in something other than t-shirts and track pants. Seeing you in a dress that hugged your figure in all the right places and taking in the sight of you, with your makeup and hair all done to suit the dress you were wearing nearly made him pass out from how he was holding his breath to admire you.

Clearing the silence between the two of you, Yoongi speaks up first.

"Well well, you don't completely look like the satanic spawn of hot cheetos and depression today. You actually look pretty good"

Smirking a little smile you bite back at his comment.

"Well same to you too Mr. I'm a millennial emo teen. You actually look, presentable today"

The two of you exchanged a playful giggle and assumed your seats at your class tables as the ceremony went on.

You don't see the small glances Yoongi takes in your direction, the thoughts gushing through his mind about how you looked at the moment and cursing himself for not realising your features sooner. He admired the way you had chosen to dress up today, seeing the way you had styled your hair so your curls would frame your face, the way you had done your makeup in a more natural looking way that he thought suited you perfectly. Yoongi didn't remember when the unlabeled feelings for you came but the longer he looked at you the more he was starting to put a name to the feelings he had. So much so that he had completely spaced out in his thoughts of you like that he didn't realise you were speaking to him.

" -don't you think so Yoongi?"

"I'm sorry what did you say? The umm, the music is so loud"

"I saaaaiiddd it's beginning to get a little dull at this graduation ceremony, we need a little surprise, don't you think?"

"Surprise?? What kind of surprise?"

Flashing a smile his way you get up and walk towards the front of the hall where the ceremony host was finishing up their ending speech. Whispering into the host's ear, he gives you the microphone and you confidently stride to the front. But you accidentally go too close to the speaker and it lets out an unpleasant squee, making you move back and away a little. You look up and around finding your best friend's eyes looking back at you giggling at the scene that just occured.

"Well that's one way to get everyone's attention" you chuckle earning muffled chuckles and words from the hall.

"So firstly congrats to everyone on graduating y'all did it. But that's not why I'm up here right now. Today is a special day for someone, and since it's the last day we'll all be gathering I wanted to make this memorable for him. So everyone I would like to wish out here, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIN YOONGI"

you started to sing happy birthday and the rest of the hall joined in singing with you.

In all this happening, Yoongi could only focus on you, the way you just boldly got up to sing out loud and wish him Happy Birthday in the most "you" way possible. So he didn't know if it was the moment or if it was his unlabeled feelings overflowing for you, that he got up and walked towards you as the song was ending. He couldn't tell what came over him at that moment but he knew for sure he wasn't going to stop what he was about to do next. Cupping your cheeks in his palms, he leaned in, pressing his soft lips to yours. Kissing you with deep feelings overtaking his mind. The moment his lips touched yours he knew what those unlabeled feelings were, it was Love.

You couldn't process fast enough that your best friend was striding towards you with a goal, a desire. And you surely didn't expect for him to suddenly kiss you. Registering the feeling of his lips on yours, your eyes closed on their own as if on automatic response. You sank into the feeling of his lips, and it was then you felt the spark that ignited your own unlabeled feelings for Yoongi. You had definitely asked yourself countless times before if what you were feeling for Yoongi was more than just friendship. On the countless nights he had cried on your shoulder or when you cried on his, on the many occasions where you were both always partners in crime, you would always glance at Yoongi and wonder what more could there be to the feelings between you.

As the both of you slowly pulled away from each other a roaring sound of cheers erupted as it seemed to be that the two of you were the last ones to know you two were actually in love with each other. Taking your hand in his, Yoongi and you ran out of the hall that night knowing well where the two of you stood from that moment on.

-----------------------❤️------------------------

"No babe I think you should definitely take the opportunity to study there, I know it's far but it'll be really good for you, plus it's something you really like! It'll take some time for you to get used to the new place but i know you'll fit right in. In fact i know your wack ass would stand out"

You giggled at his comment but you wholeheartedly took his motivation and advice. But the question and thoughts still lingered in your mind as you heard Yoongi chuckle on the other end of the phone.

"But Yoongi, this means we'd be in a long distance relationship, with you going off to study in the opposite direction and all. Even our breaks don't match Yoongi.. what'll we do" the worrying tone in your voice didn't go unnoticed by Yoongi as he answered you in a calm reassuring tone.

"It'll take some work, but i know we can get through this okay? We'll make it, we can make it. I love you" you smiled at Yoongi's voice uttering the sweet words of love as you felt yourself calm your thoughts.

"I love you too Yoongi. Well then, keep me company while i pack?"

"You bet"

It had been a few months since you started dating, and honestly it didn't feel any different from when the two of you were in your phase of friendship, everything was going relatively smooth apart from the little fights and misunderstandings you had now that you were a couple. Sometimes you sit to think to yourself if moving into a relationship with Yoongi was the best choice, it would feel as though sometimes he would act differently and not like he always would but you just shake of the thoughts. You just figured with all these future college studies and intakes coming about that he was just as stressed as you were. You assured yourself that the two of you would be alright and that you'll always have each other.

A few more months pass and the two of you have already started your college lives. Yoongi being in a campus almost 8 hours away from you with minimal transport for him to even go home let alone plan to meet you. It was going smoothly, settling into orientation and getting to know the layouts of the campus well, meeting new friends and truly taking in your next step in education. You and Yoongi would exchange day to day text messages about how orientation and the first days of classes went.

All well and good till Yoongi's texts became slower and less frequent, he would always say that he's busy with his friends there, or straight up not giving a response at all. You became more and more fearful at how this long distance thing was going to work out for the two of you.

28th Tuesday

[12:27am] hey Yoongi! I hope you had a great day, I miss you and hope you sleep well, love you!

[08:40am] Hey Babe, good morning! I'm in class now, wishing we could skip like old times haha, hope you have a great day! Text me soon

[6:48pm] Hey i just got back to my dorm after classes, it was super fun! How was your day??

[8:11pm] Yoongi?? Are you okay? Are you busy babe?

[8:24pm] I miss youuuuuuuu :(

[10:16pm] Yoongi :(

You tossed your phone to the side of your bed as you felt your tears well up, why was he suddenly avoiding you? Is he okay?? Did he get hurt? Your thoughts were spiraling, getting messier till you heard the familiar ping from your phone. You scurried to your phone to see Yoongi's name pop up on the screen. Your smile quickly faded, replaced by disappointment at his reply.

[10:43pm] Hey, was busy with friends today, going to bed now ttyl <3

You frowned and wouldn't let him go this time. The days of short texts to unreplied texts and this is how he replies now? In a fit of fury you call him.

"Hello?-"

"Yoongi what's wrong? You haven't been replying to my texts as usual are you okay??"

"Mmh I'm fine, just busy with classes and my new friends y/n"

"Well I can't accept that answer Yoongi, I'm busy with classes and friend's here too but I take the time so why can't you?"

"Hey it's not that big of a deal y/n, we're in new environments now and it'll take me some time to settle in"

"Yoongi surely you have at least 5 minutes a day to text me??"

"Yeah of course I do, I just texted you didn't i?"

"That short ass reply was what you call a text Yoongi? It really sounds like you're avoiding me"

"You know what y/n I don't have time for this right now I'm tired"

"No Yoongi, I haven't talked to you properly in days come on don't you miss me Yoongi?"

"To be honest I've been enjoying the new company here that's I haven't missed you much"

"What do you mean Yoongi? You don't think of me?"

"Not all the time no, i have other things to think about here y/n i have new responsibilities here I can't be thinking about you all the damn time, just be happy I texted you back"

"Are you threatening to not text me anymore Yoongi? Is that what you're saying? You don't wanna talk to me anymore?"

"Oh god for fucks sake y/n stop being so clingy alright? Just grow up a little!"

The sound of his voice in heightened frustration made you choke on your words, you silenced yourself as his words rang loud in your head.

"You know what y/n I don't think this will work out, I'm going to get even busier and this will just be in the way of it all"

"Yoongi…"

"I'm sorry y/n but clearly this distance is proving that we won't work out"

"Are you... breaking up with me Yoongi?.."

The pain in your voice and the soft shaky exhale doesn't go unnoticed by Yoongi. Yoongi takes a deep breath, realising he spoke too fast in frustration. As much as he did feel for you this distance was tearing you apart and Yoongi didn't want to believe it but it was the truth. He spoke softer this time giving his side of his explanation.

"Y/n, you've been nothing but amazing to me, but I realize that we were more compatible as friends, I mean think about it, we've had so many petty fights that we never had before we dated. Our growing college life will further hinder our relationship. I don't want to hurt you like this by not giving you the love and attention you deserve. I'll always love you y/n, just not as more than friends I suppose"

You couldn't believe what was happening right now, your world felt like it was crashing down on you hard and fast, you could feel the sharp stinging in your chest from how your heart was breaking the more reality hit you. Yoongi's words had reason to them, but you were still in a state of confusion. Why could you make time for Yoongi but he couldn't for you? Maybe it's because the two of you are pursuing different fields of studies? Maybe he really had better things to do? Yoongi didn't want to hurt your feelings by making you feel abandoned so he was in fact abandoning you? No? But he said he'll still love you?? Your head was spinning a bunch of thoughts ran through your head.

"Okay Yoongi...if that's what would be the best for us..then okay"

"Don't worry okay? We'll still text as usual, talk when we can okay? I won't let you go, you're still my best friend y/n"

You didn't know if his words would be comforting enough, but at that moment you took what you had and calmed your thoughts for now.

"Okay Yoongi.."

"Good, I have an early schedule tomorrow. I'll talk to you later okay? I'm going to bed now. Goodnight y/n"

"Good night Yoongi"

-----------------------💔------------------------

As it will, Yoongi and you slowly drifted apart. You would often see his social media updates about how he was actively participating in clubs, and how he had taken up new responsibilities, going to camps and hosting events at his institute and he definitely seemed to be doing well. You on the other hand fell more and more at war with your emotions, it didn't hinder your studies. Thankfully you could keep those two apart. But whenever it got a little too quiet you'd think of him, the days in highschool when you were inseparable. You missed his laugh, his endearing way of calling you the most heinous nicknames. You definitely missed his comforting arms, his words of encouragement when you were down, you wished nothing more that in this moment you were crying to him instead of because of him.

You couldn't believe that you were sitting here, broken and feeling alone by the guy that made his way into your life, and had now made his way out in the most painful way possible. You were left there clueless and confused. Did he do it for you? Was it the right thing? Did he really think of you? Why was this happening? What would have happened if you didn't date? Would things be different? Would your best friend have stayed? All these questions playing through your mind, countless nights you spent crying yourself to sleep. Thinking of how you felt almost betrayed, you cursed at yourself for sending texts to him that were only left on read or replied with a simple "I'm busy, text you later".

Slowly days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months as you hadn't spoken much to Yoongi. You became stone hearted from all that had happened and slowly you got back into yourself. You were more and more active in your college life and you were growing to be better at controlling your emotions. Sure some little things remind you of him now and then, but it was much easier by now to brush his thoughts off. As sadly as your situation was you learned to move with it and not let it consume you. Every now and then you'd see Yoongi piston updates on his progressively active life and you'd feel happy for him, you wondered if he ever felt the same for you when he saw your updates on how well you were doing.

----------------------🍃-------------------------

It had been a total of 4 years since everything happened, you were on a roll and you had graduated college. You had a few job applications pending and you were more stable with your life by now. All the questions you once had were stored in a box collection dust in the far corner of your mind.

It was a relaxing Saturday evening, you were in your apartment lounging on your bed. As you were chatting away with your friends a familiar ping aroused from your phone. The name that popped up on the screen made your heart heavy and you breathing shallow, a true ghost from your past…

"Yoongi 🥀"

Your screen read. Taking a deep breath you opened the chat.

[9:57pm] Hey y/n it's been a long time… are you free tonight? Can I call you?

You didn't know what exactly to think right now. Every cell in your brain telling you not to. That you shouldn't give into him again, and that you should just talk to him over text no matter what it was. But your heart was screaming for him, the familiar feeling of longing for him returning in a massive tsunami, washing over your thoughts. You took a deep breath to centre your thoughts and decided you'd listen to him and talk to him again.

[9:59pm] Hey Yoongi, yeah I'm free to talk.

As soon as the message was read by him, your phone rang. You took one more deep breath and answered the call.

"Hello y/n, how are you?"

You cursed in your head at how much you missed his voice, the way he spoke to you at this moment had a hint of the same longing you had for him.

"Hey..Yoongi, I'm good. How are you?"

"I've been good too.. congratulations on graduating"

"Thanks Yoongi, congratulations on graduating too.."

"Thanks…"

The silence that fell had you both reflecting on everything that happened and how fast it all went by. The box of questions in your mind burst out once again whereas Yoongi on the other hand was feeling guilt and hate towards himself for everything that he put you through. Little did you know that these last few months Yoongi was hit with the hard realisation that he had lost not only his best friend but the person he cared about the most. His family certainly did not improve and the one person who was there for him when he needed it, he had left broken hearted and abruptly once he found a new escape. Yoongi was slowly flooded with memories of you as he neared his own college graduation. He remembered your highschool graduation and how he felt for you there in that moment of time. He spent a few nights crying at the realisation that he had thought of what's best for you but didn't think of how you felt and how he had left things between the two of you.

"Why Yoongi…."

Was all you managed to say out loud before your emotions caved in. Understanding what you were asking he answered.

"I was so caught up in the new environment of growing up and moving on that I did what I thought was the best to not hurt you...but I didn't think far enough that doing so will indeed hurt you.. and I wasn't there for you like i was supposed to. It took a hard hit to my head to realise that I was wrong y/n… you were always there for me and stupidly I made this mistake… I thought i was thinking of the best for both of us, when in fact i was thinking of myself.. I was selfish and I realised that…so many things reminded me of you y/n, the clouds, the sun, the sight of roses, the smell of hot cheetos.."

You giggled a little at his last comment earning a little muffled one from Yoongi.

"I understand if you hate me for what I did to you y/n… and I don't know if it'll ever be the same between us again.. but I'm willing to try to bring back what we had... if you're willing to give me a chance…"

You exhaled softly before letting out everything that you've been feeling.

"I don't hate you Yoongi, I never could and I never will. You're everything to me Yoongi and I was just really hurt by what you did and how you ended things. So many thoughts went through my head and I won't even talk about how much you made me cry….you dipshit" the playful cursing nickname made Yoongi chuckle a little, slowly making him feel reassured at the directions of the conversation.

"I'm willing to give us a chance Yoongi..and you're right, I don't expect it to be the same as what we had, I just hate that I lost my best friend.."

"I know..i understand that..and I'm sorry..for everything"

"It's okay Yoongi, I'm sorry too… maybe I should've been more understanding…"

"Hey… do you.. wanna hang out Tomorrow night?"

"You wanna hang out?"

"Yeah, i wanna see you and catch up with you"

"Sure Yoongi that'd be nice"

"Great!! I'll meet you at the café by our old highschool?"

"Sure Yoongi, sounds great"

"Right then, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow Yoongi"

You could hear the smiles in each other's voices as you both bid goodnight and hung up the phone. You didn't know what it was exactly but you knew just from that phone call that everything was going to be alright. You felt like you breathed much easier now, your mind much lighter. Yoongi felt the same, he was smiling more now filled with the excitement of meeting you again tomorrow after years.

-----------------------✨------------------------

You made sure to check yourself out in the mirror a few more times before heading towards the café. You had chosen to wear a simple yet stylish outfit, your hair tied back in a low loose ponytail, your short hairs framing your face. You were nervous yet excited to be reunited with your best friend again. And as you approach the café, there he was. Standing outside the door of the café waiting for you. The now slightly more mature looking, dark fluffy haired man, wearing a long black coat was looking just as nervous and excited as he was looking down at his feet.

"I didn't know you needed glasses to see now"

your voice made him turn his head fast in your direction. The moment his gaze landed on you, it felt like highschool all over again. The way you looked standing there, just centimetres away from him. He took in your slightly matured face yet he told himself that you hadn't changed one bit.

"It's official, you're old Yoongi"

He chuckled and playfully scoffed at your comment.

"Well at least i don't dress like the satanic spawn of depression and hot cheetos"

"Sure thing Mr. I'm still a millennial emo teen"

The two of you laughed, and the world seemed to slow down. The feeling that nothing ever really changed between the two of you was knowing, however this time something felt entirely different. Both of you could feel it for sure. It was the feeling of a bond stronger than both friendship and love. You didn't know what the feeling was exactly, all that you knew was that you're never losing each other again. All this while you've been sitting there watching the feelings you had burn and crash in the worst way possible, but today right here at this café, right in front of your eyes you watched everything Begin Again.

[angelicjadamv]

The story so far

One month after graduating high school in 2015 I was finally able to move away from my family. I was 18 and moved to California for college. Fortunately one of the scholarships I earned was accompanied by a summer program that started in the middle of the summer before fall semester. Shortly after settling in a safe, stable environment for the first time in my life I started to get better. A lot better at first. Then life happened, as it does, and 18 years of repressed trauma and abuse broke me. My nervous breakdown ruined my fall semester, I couldn't go to classes or take exams or function as a student anymore. Until this point, being an exceptional student was all I had and basically how I survived. My safe and stable environment now was dependant on maintaining a certain GPA, among other requirements I could no longer meet. I failed one of my main courses because I had a 0 on 2 exams, including the final. When I went home I was put on antipsychotics. Returning to campus for the 2016 spring semester, I attempted to seek more therapy. I wasn't successful in finding a good therapist (for me, therapy is a personal thing. Just because someone isn't a good therapist for me doesn't necessarily mean they are a bad therapist). I did continue to see my 2 psychiatrists (emergency and regular) often as they attempted to adjust my medication to find something that work. My agoraphobia worsened, I stopped sleeping, I could barely eat, I was manic one moment and dissociative the next, SH and suicidal ideation worsened. I was a burden to my friends and loved ones. I made it through this because I had a beautiful support system that I will forever be grateful for, but I ended up taking a leave of absence academically for my second semester, earning no credits and putting my scholarships at further jeopardy. I was allowed to stay on campus because it was clear I was dangerously unstable with no safe environment to return to and because I had incredible advocates looking out for me. I had realized that I wasn't going to get better in time to salvage my academic career and my life, and was mostly clueless as to how I would survive. I had had an internship in my field since I started college, but I earned basically no money. STEM internships aren't really made to be livable for undergrads, so I had mostly been working for experience in a field I would no longer be able to progress in. Bummer. My physical health had taken a huge dive for all of 2016. I basically always knew I was chronically ill, but I had been abused and gaslit my entire life to believe and act like I was fine, I was just a weak baby, I didn't know what real pain or suffering was, seizures were to be ignored, no I didn't have migraines or pinched nerves (um hello SCOLIOSIS), etc etc. And 2016 was the year my body finally started to break, so I knew "regular" jobs weren't going to be a viable option for me, at least not for long.

And thus I became a survival SW. I stayed in college for a final semester, because I didn't want to miss my friends, I loved my campus and didn't know where else to live, I still needed a lot of campus resources. I also kept my internship as long as I could, because I knew I would miss it for the rest of my life. I didn't really go to classes, again, because as much as a desperately wanted to and as much as my advisors moved heaven and earth to try to make it work for me, I couldn't handle it. I was finally able to find 2 great therapists who I started seeing regularly who actually knew how to diagnose and treat me, one at school and one outside. This is also when I met Daddy (Jace) online. After talking for what is probably a stupidly short time, we fell in love and started dating. This is honestly my first real relationship and time actually catching genuine feelings for someone, something that I hadn't thought I was capable of. Despite being happier than I had ever been in so many ways, my mental and physical health was still steadily declining. My migraines and pain were getting worse, I hadn't been able to eat normally in months and relied entirely on medication to eat or sleep at all. Many people recommended mmj at this point in my life, but I was afraid of how it would interact with my other meds. I only smoked occasionally at parties at this point (because no way was I spending my super duper limited money on weed). I wonder if medicating with something that actually worked well for me, like weed, would have allowed me to finish college. Oh well I guess. Because of my inability to attend classes, I had to take another leave for the fall semester 2016. I worked at a strip club briefly, but my health couldn't handle it for long.

I didn't want to go home for the first winter break in 2015, but campus closed and I had nowhere else to go. It was turbulent. When summer 2016 came, I still didn't go home despite having no place to stay. Until a month or so later, it was revealed to me a relative had terminal cancer. I had to go home again. It was worse than turbulent. When winter 2016 came, my relative was in much worse condition. They only had a few months left, and this was probably my last chance to say goodbye. This visit was by far the most traumatic, and more because of my parents than watching a loved one die. At least Jace was able to come meet me for the first time in person. He also got to meet my relative before they passed 🖤

Freshly fucked up by family, I retuned to California at the beginning of 2017. I was mostly taking a break from SW because of my health and was working vanilla jobs as I could (so not much). I had a pretty decent job that I was really good at and had been promoted, but then my relative passed. I started losing consciousness again ( I had many seizures and fainting spells in my childhood and during high school) and had to quit my job. the funeral was in spring 2017, I flew to Jersey to be with Daddy for a few days and then he drove me several states over for the memorial. That was the last time I saw my family. I wanted to transition to online/content creating, but I had no tech knowledge or equipment (even my phone was a potato). In high school I wasn't allowed to have a smartphone, most social media other than what was heavily monitored (and still had 0 experience with platforms sw is popular on besides Tumblr I guess), I didn't really know much about cameras. Way too sheltered and broken to feel like I could start anything. I was now seeing my outside, or I guess regular and only, therapist twice a week and doing treatments that while working for me were insanely (literally) hard. I had been able to get an apartment with roommates at a super discount in return for taking care of their crazy dog, which was a win win for me (he was a good boi just crazy from a bad past and had the worst separation anxiety). The agreement was that I would live with them until the lease was up in September, and then we would reevaluate the situation. Then they both got promoted at their mega corporation jobs. And after their wedding found a really gorgeous apartment in a much fancier part of the city, and paid to break our lease early in June leaving me homeless. I had been fired from my last 2 jobs (probably for being disabled because California is at will employment but who knows I might have been fired from the nanny job because the husband wanted to fuck me). I had no money or anywhere to go. All of my friends were almost as broke as me, so while I had offers to couchsurf at a few of their places they had other roommates who would have been pissed and in a few months they would be going back to school anyways. Daddy and I had been trying to save up to move in together for months, but he was going to move to California. We didn't have any money for that, so instead he asked me to move in with him in New Jersey. Leaving meant I lost my health insurance and my therapist. It was supposed to be much more temporary and we were supposed to move back to California much sooner than we were able to. I try not to be mad at those roommates because being angry doesn't change anything, but it really sucked.

Moving in with Daddy meant we could start our blog! And I was super happy at first, the happiest I could ever remember. But the years had been too hard and my health started to get worse than ever before. Without treatment and so traumatized, my brain and body were constantly at war. I would wake with splitting migraines, throwing up, my chronic pain became completely unmanageable. I started to need weed all the time because it was the only thing that stopped my cyclical vomiting episodes and kept me out of the hospital. My antipsychotics and other meds had been high-key fucking me up (probably shouldn't have been on them in the first place, thank you doctor who also ignored my seizures even when I had one in front of you) and were almost impossible to come off of because the withdrawals. (Seriously, kicking xanax was easier for me than my antipsychotics.) I'm not anti medication or anything, I just know the ones I was on were not good for me anymore. I'd actually like to be on something again, I just need a doctor who actually understands PTSD and DID.

My health continued to be shit for most of 2018, with several ER visits for severe dehydration from vomiting for days on end. We started to make videos and do snapchat and online sessions to be able to make ends meet. Despite being in the worst situation and thus everything being a trizillion times harder, we really loved (and still love 😇) doing SW and creating content. Our fans and clients have been there in some of our darkest moments, just being lovely or pulling through for us when we needed it most. During 2018 and 2019 I became actively suicidal for the first time since I was 13. I struggled with self harm again. I have gotten worse than I ever thought possible. But I wouldn't have made it at all if it wasn't for SW, this community and our supporters.

At the beginning of 2020 we were finally able to move back to California. Obviously, the pandemic severely disrupted many of our plans, especially regarding my recovery. Despite things being delayed or shifted, we are in a much better place currently. I have what I need to get better and I can build a support system again. I will get better.

Talking about things is hard for me. Being open and honest is hard for me. For 18 years I was trained and abused to not be sad or show negative feelings, or talk about upsetting things, and it has been killing me slowly my entire life. I genuinely don't want pity or to make others feel bad, but I do want to give you the chance to get to know me. I don't always talk about things so much. But I'm trying to get better at it.

[crescentsteel]

Just Friends - Part 3

plot: fubu set up with Kuroo as a university student, model fem reader

word count: 4361

A/N: Sorry if this is boring >_<  I suck.

Part 2 | Part 4 | m.list

You wake up from the harsh sunlight on one side of your face. You don’t recognize where you are when you open your eyes. You sit up, trying to recall what happened before you passed out last night.

As you lift yourself up, the blanket you wore drapes off of you. You swiftly gather it back again to cover yourself when you feel the air on your bare skin. You notice the tenderness on your arms, hips, and particularly down there.

Right. A guy named Kuroo happened.

Your lips draw a smile on your face as certain scenes from last night, or was it morning, flashes back in your memory. He really did a number on you. You look for him but you’re alone in bed. As if on cue, he appears on the doorway of his room.

“Well, good morning to you.” he says with a smug expression on his face. He crosses his arms and leans on the frame of the door. He’s not wearing any shirt and only has skimpy boxers on. With the place being well-lit, you can see his features that the dimness previously hid. You know how that he’s ripped from the way your hands roamed on his body last night, but seeing it right now makes you wish that it was this bright when you did it.

He looks at his phone.

“Actually, it’s early afternoon already,” he adds.

Your eyes expand. Crap, you have to be somewhere this afternoon. You search the area within your field of vision for your clothes. You remember just throwing them in places, but you have no idea where exactly.

“Where are my stuff?”

He looks behind him.

“They’re still on the floor. I just got up too, so I didn’t bother picking them up.”

You cling on the blanket on your body as you stand up. You make your way towards his living room, but he does not move when you try to get past him.

“Come on, kitten. I’ve seen it all. Why bother covering up?” A sly grin plastered on his profile.

You meet his daunting eyes as you remove the knot on your chest, letting the blanket fall to your feet. His eyes follow the blanket as it drops.

“There you go. Can you let me through now?” You forge a smile.

He matches it with his own and moves out of the way.

“Absolutely.”

You can feel his stare boring to your body, but you pay no mind. He can stare all he wants, but you really need to go. Your clothes are scattered sparsely on the floor. You put them on as you pick them up.

“So, about our deal last night, hmm?”

Oh, you almost forgot about that. You bet he’s going to ask for a repeat of last night.

“What about it?” You put on your shirt, completing the last clothing you were missing.

He hands you his phone in which you frown at.

“Your phone number.”

Both your eyebrows jack up in slight disbelief.

“I’d be honest. I thought you’d ask for an encore.”

He laughs momentarily.

“I do want an encore, but I’d rather we both do than me asking it as my prize.”

He flashes you a devious grin that you find attractive.

He’s not the usual guy who goes for what he wants in the easiest way possible. He goes for it in a strategy that pleases him and gets him results in the same time. You have to give it to him - he knows what he’s doing. By asking for your number, the ball is in your court. It’s up to you if you want to do it again.

“So you’re sure I’ll sleep with you again if you ask, is that it?” you jeer at him.

“I don’t know. You tell me.” His smug expression doesn’t faze at all.

You acknowledge that it just wasn’t the alcohol and your lust-induced self that made him very appealing last night. It was all him.

You snatch his phone and put in your details.

“I should get going now.”

You head towards the exit and open the door when you hear him speak.

“I had an amazing night, y.n.” he says with a flirtatious grin.

“So did I.” You shoot him a wink, “But that wasn’t a yes,” you add teasingly and walk to your car.

You seat yourself and are about to start your engine when you hear your phone’s text notification.

‘See you again, kitten~’

It was an unknown number but you know exactly who it is. You ignore it and throw your phone to the seat beside you. Yet, you can’t control the simpering of your mouth.

And that’s how you and Kuroo became “friends.”

You saw no reason to stop yourself from seeing him. You need a good lay sometimes and so does he. You aren’t dating anyone. You satisfy each other in bed. He’s fun to be around at. And most importantly, you go to different universities, which is actually ideal.

You’ve dated two people in university, but that’s different. You and Kuroo are not dating. It’s purely physical. You don’t want to be sleeping around with someone and attend the same classes with him. It’s weird for you.

Although you both were on just having sex basis, you know some details about his life. He’s in his last year in Business Marketing. He used to be captain of his volleyball team in high school. He continued playing in university, but he stopped this year because it was his senior year. He wanted to focus on graduating. You are also aware of his schedule since you have to know when he’s free.

This is the first time you’ve had this kind of arrangement, but you know how it goes. And honestly, you just don’t see yourself anything more than friends with Kuroo.

You do believe you’re friends, kind of. Sometimes, you stay longer than you should when you come over. You even study at his place sometimes. From experience, you just doze off at home when you come from Kuroo’s place. So you just bring your laptop and notes at his place when you have exams and papers coming, but also want some fun distraction. He doesn’t mind. He even joins you most times. You know not much about Marketing, but you help each other out. You quiz him with his notes and him to you.

You also have some grasp on his personality. He’s very laid back, yet he has a very strong sense of responsibility. He often asks if he should drive you home in case you were too “tired”. There were times that he turned you down because he had something to do in university. That surprised you the first time it happened because all guys you’ve been with have never turned you down. Although, he did call the next day to make up for it.

Despite thinking that he was a fun person the first night you met, he’s actually intimidating when he’s not goofing around. Like right now, you’re waiting for the food you ordered since you’re both hungry from your usual affair. He’s sitting across you on his table and is staring at his phone. You want to ask where the delivery guy is but he’s so focused on his phone that you feel uncomfortable getting his attention. He seems to have noticed since his eyes suddenly shift to you.

He doesn’t say anything but continues to stare.

“What?” You say, finally breaking the silence.

He eyes his phone again and shows it to you.

“You sorta look like this lady.”

You blink slowly twice as you decide if you’re going to tell him that that was indeed you. It’s an ad for a clothing brand you did a few months ago. You started doing modeling jobs in your senior year in high school. All your middle school and high school, everyone tried to earn your favor because you came from a rich family. When you started modeling, you gained more attention, to the point that you got so sick of it.

When you entered university, you laid low. You didn’t let anyone know you’re modeling. You tried to stay away from any attention. That’s why when you work with big brands or projects, you ask them to use your stage name. However; people still take notice of your looks. With your stature and face, you often get invitations to take part in beauty contests in and out of your university. You turned them all down. When people say you should try modeling, you laugh it off and say that you have no interest.

It was partially true. The only reason you’re into modeling is you wanted to feel how it was like to earn your own money. You always had everything you wanted. Your parents gave you everything you asked for. You had no sense of accomplishment. You had no real friends. You felt empty.

But being the spoiled kid you were, you knew nothing about labor. You can’t serve properly in restaurants. You can’t cook. You feel tired from doing minimal work. So when an agent asked if you wanted to model for them, you thought that it was so appropriate for you. You just have to stand/walk while looking pretty.

You honestly see no harm from telling Kuroo. You have no mutual connections. But for consistency’s sake, you decide to hide it from him as well.

“Yeah, I get that a lot. I have the face structure of a model,” you shrug casually.

He looks at his phone again and purses his lips.

“Nah. I think this really is you.”

You sigh. You saw it pointless to deny it further from him.

“Actually, yeah. That is me.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything and proceeds to scroll down. You scowl at his lack of reaction.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“About what?” his focus still on his phone.

“Me being that model.” “What? Weren’t we just shittin’ each other?”

It was the first time you felt the need to prove to someone that you are legit. You get your phone and look for your behind-the-scenes photos and selfies for that shoot. As soon as you find them, you hand him your phone.

He frowns as he’s swiping from photo to photo. He looks at your phone and his phone side to side, comparing the official photo and the ones you had. Finally, his gaze goes to your face, the look of surprise evident on his.

“You weren’t kidding. It is you!”

He continues to browse through the photos.

“Why hide it though?”

“I wasn’t hiding it from you.”

He rests his chin on his hand and looks at you.

“I always wondered what your job was since you were pretty cryptic about it. You always say ‘I have my job’ but never what you actually do.”

You’re surprised that he was paying that much attention to that. You didn’t even notice. You’re just used to not letting it slip by.

He sits beside you and puts his arm around you playfully.

“But maaan, to be sleeping with a model like you,” he puts his one hand on his chest dramatically.

“I am truly humbled,” he adds with absolute jest in his tone.

He’s obviously being an ass about it, but you don’t feel pissed at all. On the contrary, you feel pleased at how he’s still himself despite knowing.

“You should be,” you counter jokingly.

He suddenly stands up. He ties his shirt into a crop top and puts his hand on his hips.

“Am I doing it right?” he asks then pouts comically.

You immediately get your phone to take snaps of how ridiculous he looks. He doesn’t mind and continues what he’s doing. His toned body makes it funnier. You find it hard to suppress your laughter as his poses get more outrageous by each photo. You stood up and set your camera on timer to join him. You exaggerate poses you’ve done in modeling and he quickly gets in sync with you. Your sides start to hurt from laughter. You both catch your breaths as you recover from your earlier absurdity.

The door suddenly creaks open with a boy looking at his phone which he’s holding horizontally. He has shoulder length hair, with black roots and blonde streaks at the ends, which is loosely tied. You’re probably the same height, if not a bit taller than him.

When he steps in, he looks away from his phone and meets your eyes, then sets out to Kuroo. It’s almost funny how his lazy blank expression suddenly shifts to weirded out.

“Shit. I forgot you were coming over, Kenma.”

You and the so-called Kenma meet eyes again, the awkwardness setting in this time. You’ll give Kuroo an earful next time. Why didn’t he lock his door? What if Kenma walked on the both of you in the middle of it? Does Kenma know about you and him? If you aren’t feeling so awkward, you’d be so pissed already.

“No worries. I’ll get going.” you smile politely to him.

You almost ran to get your stuff. Sure you both got along well, but your friendship is not the type where you introduce each other’s friend.

“What about the food we ordered?” Kuroo asks. They can have it for themselves. You don’t want to interfere with whatever they’re supposed to do.

“It’s okay. Let’s play tomorrow instead,” Kenma says.

Kuroo scratches his head and sighs.

“Geez. You both can stay. No one is being kicked out.”

Kuroo walks to his monitor and turns on his Ps4. Kenma bows his head to you and follows Kuroo. “I didn’t know you got a girlfriend.”

You and Kuroo immediately exchanged glances. So Kenma did not know. You’re glad he didn’t kiss and tell, but what now? How would you explain your relationship?

Kuroo is the first to speak.

“Nah. She’s just a friend.”

How classic of an excuse that was. Kenma takes a peek at you and turns to Kuroo again.

“Yea, you sort of look bad beside her,” his calm voice in contrast with the insult he just told.

That was enough to dissipate the uneasiness you were feeling. You snicker towards Kuroo.

“You must be good friends for him to be that honest.”

He glowers at your remark. Then, his expression veers to something twisted. He smirks with the familiar conniving look in his eyes. You don’t have to figure out what he’s trying to pull, because you already know.

“I changed my mind. Kenma, let’s play tomorrow instead.”

“No! You don’t have to go at all,” you immediately respond while walking towards the couch where they are. You stop behind it and dig your palms on the soft material, leaning your upper body in their direction.

“You’re gonna play, right? I don’t mind watching.” You smile all too friendly at Kenma while his glance goes back and forth to you and Kuroo. You can feel Kuroo glaring at you as well.

You know that he’s planning to rough you up in bed for being a smart-ass and not that you don’t want that, but you like this better. You like getting the upperhand.

Kenma nods. “Okay, but you’re playing too.”

He picks up a controller and sits down.

“Change the loser,” he adds.

You flop yourself beside Kuroo and give him your nicest smile. He reciprocates it with a fake one. 

You are so pleased with yourself. Even if you lose in whatever you’re going to play, you already won before it even starts.

His phone rings. “Hello? No. You’re on the wrong street. Wait. I’ll meet you outside.”

He stands up and pockets his phone.

“I’ll meet the food delivery outside. Go play first.”

Kenma sets up the game and you just look at him while doing so.

“I don’t think you’re just friends,” he blurts out, which takes you by surprise. Most people would go for small talks, but he went straight to it.

“Me and Kuroo? Haha. We are … just friends,” you give him a curt smile. “You do look too err.. nice for him,” he continues as he boots up a game with players holding guns, “but I can tell there’s something between you two.”

He hands you the other control. You ignore what he just said so the subject will be dropped. You get the controller apprehensively. You aren’t familiar with it because you’ve only played with your phone.

“I don’t know how to play this though,” you admit.

He gives you a quick tutorial on how to play the game.

“Alright! I’m ready for it.” You stretch your fingers while holding the controller. You feel a bit excited since it looks fun and it’s your first time.

The monitor is showing the loading screen when Kenma says, “I can believe that you and Kuroo are just friends.”

He’s still going about that huh.

“Yep. Cause we are.”

He gives you a faint smile. “But I don’t think it will stay like that.”

Before you can even respond, the game starts and you try your hardest to recall what he just taught you. You were clumsy and had a lot of misplays, but you were having fun. Although obviously, you lost.

After meeting Kenma, Kuroo noticed you got into playing games. Not excessively, but whenever you’re at his place, you frequently play. You also bought new games to play, which delighted Kenma when he found out. He even wants to invite you to play again.

Although these past two weeks, you don’t even touch the controller when you come over. It’s the end of the semester and it’s hell for you both.

You come over almost everyday with the idea of a quick fuck, but one of you needs to do something ‘real fast’ which ends up with the both of you doing your own school deadlines and exams. Somehow, you do manage to squeeze in a quickie when studies get too intense. It’s the two of you’s way of coping from the stress.

Even though he was the Senior student, your schedule seems more hectic. There was a night that you slept over because you were too tired to go home. He would’ve offered to drive you home if he wasn’t so tired as well.

It seems that tonight will be the same. He can feel the strain on his eyes. It’s almost midnight. He just turned over his paper online, but you’re still frantically typing.

“You okay there?” he asks.

“Mmmhmm.”

“When is it due?”

You put your hands on your temples and take a very deep breath. “Tomorrow night.”

“Then why are you rushing it tonight?”

“I have a shoot tomorrow night.”

He wants to ask something but decides to put it off for now. You look like you’re about to smack something and he doesn’t want to be on the receiving end if ever.

“Alright. I’m off to bed now,” you yawn.

You don’t bother to take your eyes off your screen. You wave your left hand as your way of saying good night.

He goes to his bed and dozes off right after.

He wakes up from the need to use the comfort room and notice that you aren’t in bed. There’s only a dim light in the other room, so you must’ve gone home. He walks towards the comfort room and finds you staring at your laptop while hugging your knees. You must’ve turned off the lights and dimmed your screen. He looks at the wall clock that points to 4:20 a.m.

“Have you been up all night?”

“I’m almost done. I’m just reviewing the whole thing.”

Your eyes look dead as you scroll your mouse.

As much as he wants to help, there isn’t anything he can offer. Also, he’s still sleepy. Maybe he’ll do something for you next time, but now, it’s just out of the equation. He does his thing and gets back to sleep. The second time he wakes up, the sun is already up. He expects that you’d be beside him since you looked so exhausted previously.

When he steps out of his room, he sees you sleeping on his couch. You’re only wearing your shirt and panties. Your legs are stretched out, going past the armrest. Your left arm covers your eyes while the other one is extended above your head. Your shirt is yanked up, showing your left underboob.

He smiles to himself. He wants to pat himself on the back and tell himself “nice kill, Kuroo.” He doubts he’s ever going to snag someone as hot as you are. If he didn’t see you up till morning, he would feel you up right now and take his time with you. It has been a while since you two had a good fuck. But you need the rest.

He picks you up from the couch and carries you. You squirm and open your eyes a bit. When you see him, you put your arms around him and snuggle on his neck.

He chuckles softly at how adorable that was. He always found your independence sexy. You always do things on your own if you can. You don’t ask him anything that you can’t do yourself. You even come across as stubborn sometimes. Now, you’re in his arms, seeming helpless compared to your usual self. He must admit, it feels good that you allowed him this.

He takes you to his bed princess style. You’d get better sleep there. When he lays you on his bed, you get a pillow and cuddle it with your arms and legs. He leaves you be and decides to go out for groceries.

It’s a Saturday so he has time to cook. He doubts you’d be waking up soon, so he picks ingredients for lunch.

He cooks as soon as he’s home and is done thirty minutes past noon. He’ll wake you up after setting the table. As he puts the second dish he made, you walk towards the table while rubbing your eyes.

“Something smells good. Did you order food?” you say groggily.

You stare at the food on the table, then glance at the pots still in low heat at the stove.

“Did you cook this?” You sound so surprised.

“Uh huh. You always get take-out for when you come over. Heh. Figured it’s about time I showed you real food.” He boasts with his hands on his hips.

You don’t respond to his goading at all. Instead, your whole face lights up. Your lips form a smile that’s neither condescending nor sassy. When your eyes meet his, he sees genuine happiness reflected in your eyes. He’s rendered speechless at how you’re like a different person from the sincerity of your expression. You haven’t even tasted it yet. Why do you look so happy?

Once you take your seat, you put your hand together in a prayer and close your eyes.

“Itadakimasu.”

You open your eyes with the same warmth in your smile and get your portions. You look so excited, like a kid served with her favorite meal.

After taking one bite, you clap softly while looking at your food.

“No one’s that happy when I cook,” he says with amusement.

“What, why? It’s good!”

“I mean you look too pleased.”

“Ah.” Your previously wide smile lessens, a trace of melancholy passing by your face.

“No one’s cooked for me before.”

Only silence follows. He doesn’t know exactly how to respond to that. Were you referring to ‘no one’ as family, friends, or a lover? He can’t tell. He takes a spoonful at his lack of answer.

“Well actually, our housemaids did.” You look up as if you’re trying to recall something.

“I know you’re loaded, but really? Housemaids?”

You turn to him and return to your usual foxy smile.

“Since you’ve been nice and all, I’ll let you in on a secret. You ready?”

“This better be good.”

“My parents own l.n. Co.”

He stops eating. He’s completely astounded.

“Holy fuck. You’re a legit l.n. from the l.n.?”

“Uh huh.” You continue eating, ignoring how shocked he was.

“That explains the shit ton of expensive stuff you own.”

“What? I live a humble life.” If it wasn’t the tone of your voice, he’d think that you’re being sarcastic. But seeing your expression, you actually believe what you just said.

“Y.n. You own a sports car. You have the latest Macbook and Iphone. You always pay for our take-out. You order any food craving you like, no matter how expensive that is. You even bought us new games. That’s far from living humble.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever.”

“I wanted to ask you though. Why keep modeling these past weeks? You’re just tiring the shit of yourself. You don’t need the money. Do you love it that much?” It’s been on his mind since last night. Even though he did not know you were that rich then, you seemed well-off enough to miss on a few gigs.

“No. Not really. I just happen to be suited for it. But I value it because it gives me a sense of self-reliance. My parents provide for what I need. As for what I want, I provide that myself. I don’t want to go through life where everything is handed to me in a silver platter I was born in. If I stop because I have the money, then that defeats the purpose.”

He realizes that despite these past months that you’ve been banging, he knows nothing substantial about you. You spend a lot of time together, but if you weren’t having sex, you’re playing games or having some stupid random conversation. You never talked about yourself. This is the first time you’ve shared something that’s actually about your life.

You were always this hot person who’s just there conveniently, but now he can see you differently. He sees something admirable beyond being physically attractive.

“What?” You snap at him. He must’ve been staring.

He chuckles softly while shaking his head.

“Nothing.”

Part 2 | Part 4  | m.list 

[meatpower]

Please consider helping me pay off a debt and afford necessities

Hello, I wish I didn't have to do this but I have to. I'm a 20 yr old autistic lesbian and I got into some shit. I'm not sure how to word any of this, but...

I woke up today to find my bank account has been blocked. I'm not sure how to translate these things, some of them may be specific to Czech republic and I don't know the english terms, but basically I'm in debt because I got caught on public transport without a ticket ONCE when I was 15 years old and couldn't afford the transport ticket on my way from school. I know this is on me, but I completely forgot about it. I didn't receive any warnings or letters or calls - they always silently wait at least 5 years, with the debt getting bigger every day without your knowledge, and when youre an adult they come at you full force.

I don't know if this happens in other countries, but it's a staple batshit thing in my country everyone knows about. There's children hundreds of dollars in debt because of public transport, it happens so often, it's always in the news and stuff. It's revolting and now it happened to me.

My debt is 455 dollars, and they already seized all the money on my bank account, which left me with nothing, and I have to pay 234 more dollars. I'm devastated.

I have no means of getting this money right now. I'm currently finishing last year of school and I have to pass what I'll translate as big ass state exams in less than a month to graduate. I don't get paid until the 20th of this month, but I still need to pay rent and buy food until then, and the amount I'll get would just barely pay it off. Since my brother and I moved recently, we have no furniture either and I was saving up for necessary items, which is now gone. I also just got approved for disability pension, but they're still in the process of calculating the money they will give me, which usually isn't much, but it helps.

So, I need to pay off the debt and afford rent and food on top of that, so Im gonna try asking for donations. My mom said she's gonna help me a bit, but she is poor as well as it is, so I decided to try my luck here as well. Please don't feel obliged to donate - I get it, money is tight and I'm not the only one struggling, and if you don't have much yourself, take care of yourself first - but if a fraction of my followers had some money to spare and was so kind to send me even a dollar or a few cents, it would be incredibly helpful. Anything helps a lot and I'd be eternally thankful.

In return, I can offer you art, which you can find on @xuve (original drawings) and ig @hrothgart (fanart), so if you donate and want a drawing, message me on here (I don't have much time rn though so it would take me a bit longer than usual to finish the commission!).

I will take emergency commissions for less money than usually, but I'll still set some price points because unfortunately I can't afford to draw for less than that right now. The complexity scales with the amount, but let's say...

2-9 bucks would be a doodle with simple coloring (again complexity scales with the amount), 10-19 bucks would be a fully colored character or a portrait (I can draw furries, humans, animals, real people etc...) And 20+ dollars would be a scene with a background. If you have something else in mind, feel free to suggest anything :)

I'm bad at summing things up but...

TLDR: I got caught on public transport once when I was 15 and couldn't afford a ticket, I forgot about it because they kept silent for 5 years with no warnings while the debt grew bigger, and now they want 455 dollars, half of which they seized from my account, which is now blocked as well. This thing happens in my country a lot. Im left with money in the negatives and I need to afford rent and food. If you were so kind and sent me even one dollar so I can afford to live, I'd be really thankful, and I can draw in return.

My PayPal is emma.g@post.cz (excuse the deadname). If you cant donate, a reblog is always appreciated. Thank you so much!

[smilebouquet]

somewhere to go, someone to love

my secret santa gift (@ducktalessecretsanta2020) for @kvanderquack!! i’m sorry for tagging again after i already sent my gift via dm-

also on ao3!!

––––––––––

For as long as Lena lived (all fifteen years), she’d always been alone. She was born alone on the heights of Mount Vesuvius, from the remnants of her Aunt Magica’s shadow. She travelled to Duckburg alone, with no one to keep her company other than the voices in her head and the harsh whispering of her shadow. She bore the brunt of Magica’s lashings and whining alone, hurt and angry and bitter.

A happy family felt like such a foreign concept to her. Magica was always her one and only kin, the only person who had a connection to her. And she hated every second of it. If having just one aunt was so exhausting, imagine having two aunts. Imagine three. Criticizing your every move. Yelling at you for screwing up. Demanding nothing but obedience and respect and returning none of it. 

Lena didn’t think she would be able to take it. Family just didn’t sound like something she’d like.

That’s what she thought, anyway, until the Sabrewings took her in.

––––––––––

1.

Lena can’t sleep.

Or to be exact, she can’t sleep peacefully. Ever since she came back to the land of the living, she’s been having dreams. Dreams where she found herself running from her. Into the woods, where the screeching of bats rang in the air, and the ground was muddy and made each consecutive step heavy. Or within a mansion suspiciously similar to Scrooge’s, her voice bouncing off the walls and getting closer and closer until they were literally screaming into her ears. She could do nothing but run.

She never dared to look back, but Lena always managed to glimpse her in the corner of her eye. The swish of a velvety black cape. A gloved hand, reaching out to snatch her. A flash of purple magic. 

Lena always manages to wake up before Magica could grab her and do god-knows-what. She would always be grateful for the fact that she awoke easily. But every dream ended in To Be Continued — never The End — and Lena didn’t want to know what The End would look like, because she has the sinking feeling that it won’t be a Happily Ever After.

Tonight is no different. She’s staring up at the ceiling of Violet’s room, letting the muffled snores of her roommate fill the still air. It’s getting increasingly hard to stay awake, and she isn’t sure how much longer she can take it.

Sighing, she rolls out of bed and leaves the room, making sure the door creaked as quietly as possible and that it clicked shut. She heads down the stairs and into the living room. A bookshelf stands in the corner, filled with all sorts of books from encyclopedias to photography books.

Lena instinctively grabs a cookbook (and accidentally knocks off a few more, but she’ll deal with them later) from the second topmost shelf. Yellow sticky notes jut out of the pages, all written on with dark purple ink. Walking into the kitchen adjacent, she flicks on the light, then flips the book open. Vanilla Cake, reads the title in big bold letters, followed by the exact quantity of ingredients needed and the instructions on how to bake one.

This should keep her up until tomorrow.

"...Lena? Shouldn't you be in bed?"

She freezes. Ty is standing at the door, a wooden baseball bat loosely held in his grip. He chucks it aside and steps into the kitchen.

"Hey." She waves half-heartedly with a sheepish smile. "I, uh, couldn't sleep."

"And you're in the kitchen with a cookbook, why?"

Because Aunt Magica haunts my dreams every night and I don’t wanna deal with it anymore?

“...I wanted to do something nice for my friends for once, so I thought baking a cake for our sleepover would be neat?”

Ty’s gaze flickers between Lena and the clock currently showing 12:59. He pinches the area between his eyes. “Lena, it’s late. I think you should go to bed—”

“No!” He flinches. Lena’s eyes widen. “I mean— no, I can’t go to bed until I finish this cake!” she backtracks, her voice cracking. Her heart is pounding. She can't go to sleep, she can't...! “If you help me, I’ll go to bed sooner! Maybe!”

Ty scratches the back of his head. “Well, Indy’s the dad who bakes, not me... but I suppose I can try.”

Relief washes over her. She flashes him a tired smile, handing him a bowl and some measuring cups. “Thanks.”

––––––––––

2.

“We’re back!” 

Indy looks up from the couch. “Welcome back. How was your sleepover?”

“Pleasant,” Violet replies, already halfway up the stairs. “Ate some cake. Played a video game. Saved Lena from getting dragged into a mirror and possibly losing her within a lucid dream to the witch responsible for the shadow war several months ago. The usual.”

“Sounds nice,” Indy remarks. Then did a double take. “Wait, what?”

Ty laughs, following after Violet. “It’s a long story. Took the whole car ride for them to finish telling it.” Indy glares after him, but shrugs and returns to his book.

Lena drops her own bag on the floor and flops onto the couch with a heavy sigh. She could shower or whatever later. Right now she just wanted to rest.

“Long day?” Indy asks, barely moving from his position on the right side of the couch.

“Kinda. I’ve been through worse, though.”

There's a beat of silence.

The unspoken Like what? hangs over her head uncomfortably. Is this the part where she spills her entire life story? Should she play it off as a joke? Would it be wise to pretend she hadn’t said anything? She can feel Indy’s stare on her shoulder, burning like a pair of red-hot lasers—

He either noticed her discomfort, or is really good at reading minds, because he hums quietly and says, “You don’t have to elaborate.”

“...Ah. Right. Okay.” She sits upright, then lets out a short laugh. Her eyes wander over to Indy, who’s still reading his book with a content look on his face. “What is that?”

Indy shows her the book. There’s a bunch of pictures of Violet, Ty and Indy together. “It’s one of the family photo albums,” he explains. “Photography is one of my hobbies.”

Lena grunts in response, then peers at the photos more closely. “Is that Violet in the library?”

“Oh, that’s from the first time we visited the public library together. We had just moved into Duckburg, and wanted to do a little sightseeing. Violet insisted that we check out the library. That girl always did love reading. She gets it from Ty…”

They spend the rest of the hour looking through the photo album together. There’s a surprising amount of photos in this one tiny album, each preserving a special memory that Indy knows by heart and tells Lena about with nothing but fondness. She now knows that Violet used to take ballet classes (and hated it), has won at least two national spelling bees by the age of six, and is part of the Junior Woodchucks.

Photos from before Violet was born are also in it, located near the end of the album. Indy tells Lena that he first met Ty at a college entrance exam. They had entered the building at the same time, and Ty thought it would be neat to strike a conversation with him. They hit it off pretty much immediately, but forgot to ask for each other’s phone numbers before they went their separate ways.

“But you’re married now?!” Lena blurts out, jumping from the cough to point a shaky finger at him. “How?!”

He chuckles. “We met again at a supermarket several months later, I believe, reaching for the same can of beans. Ty’s first words to me ever since were ‘Holy shit, you like beans, too?!’ This time we remembered to exchange contact information, and here we are ten years later.”

“I— Wow.” Lena sits back down. “Some luck you have.”

“I wouldn’t call it luck,” he admits. His fingers gently caressing the old photo of them. “I like to think of it as fate. If we’re meant to be together, life will find a way to get us together.”

(Lena thinks about Webby.

She thinks about their “chance” meeting at the amphitheater.

She thinks about how she almost lost Webby by sacrificing herself to protect her.

She thinks about how lucky she had been that Violet was there in the library that day, reading a nerdy old book.

She inwardly decides that Indy is probably right.)

Once they reach the end of the album, Indy moves to close it. The corners of several photographs stick out from the side. Lena blinks.

“And those are?”

He looks down. “Oh.” Tucking them back in, he replies, “Those are some of the newer photographs. Haven’t gotten a new album for them yet, so I keep them here for the time being.” His fingers drum on the hard cover. “Come to think of it, I don't have any pictures with you yet. We’ll need to remedy that.”

“Hm, why?”

“You’re family, after all. I think you deserve a spot in the photo album.”

Family. She’s family. The thought of it makes her heart flutter.

It takes her a minute to realize Indy stopped talking, and is looking at her with the slightest hint of hesitation in his expression.

She beams at him. “That would be nice. You should get a new album first, though.” As if on cue, a photograph falls out. She picks up. “Hey, what about this one?” Indy lights up, and starts going into a tangent about the one time they lost Violet at Duckburg’s largest department store. As he does, she zones out for a bit, testing the name.

‘Lena Sabrewing’, huh…  She can feel her smile widening.  Sounds way cooler than Lena de Spell.

––––––––––

3.

This is terrible, Lena concludes.

They’re on the way to the Junior Woodchuck Campgrounds for Violet’s upcoming graduation. She’s a little hazy on the details, but she does know that each year only one senior junior woodchuck can become a senior woodchuck (“That’s dumb! Why can’t you all just become senior woodchucks?!” “Don’t question it, Lena.”), they decide who graduates with some sort of obstacle course, and Violet’s opponent this year is likely going to be Huey.

Lena also knows that the campgrounds are located waaaay out on some island in the middle of nowhere, and if she sees another “NOW LEAVING DUCKBURG” sign she’s going to lose it. She lets out a groan as she slides farther down her seat, watching the pine trees blur into a strip of green on the landscape. “Hey, Vi, how much longer ‘til we’re there?”

No answer.

“Vi?”

Again, no answer. Lena knows that Violet has a tendency to be quiet during car rides, preferring to admire the scenery as they drive, but Violet should’ve at least spared her a grunt at this point.

She decides to turn and look at her. Violet is staring at her lap, perfectly still. Her fists are clenched so tightly she can see the white knuckles beneath her purple feathers, and they’re trembling.

“Vi, what’s wrong...?” Lena begins to ask, and then immediately Indy’s voice from before echoes in her head.

“Third time’s the charm, right Vi?”

The gears click into place. Oh.

She inches closer to Violet’s side — as much as she can with her seatbelt on, anyway — and reaches out to place a comforting hand over Violet’s. The hummingbird looks up.

“Hey,” Lena says, “you’ll be okay. You’re the best nerd I’ve ever know. What’s Huey got, his stupid guidebook? You’ve got this.”

“Actually, the Junior Woodchuck Wilderness Challenge prohibits use of the guidebook,” Violet corrects, then sighs. “Sorry. I know you’re trying to comfort me, but I…” She trails off. “I know failing is natural, but it still terrifies me every single time.”

Silence.

Indy, from the passenger seat, pipes up, “Violet, you know that just being willing to go back and try again is… really brave, right? Yeah, failure is inevitable, and very terrifying, but not a lot of people are able to bounce back from it like you do.”

“What Indy said.” Ty peers at them from the rearview mirror and gives them a thumbs up. “We love you no matter what, and I bet you’re gonna crush the competition this year.”

“Yeah! What they said! You’re Violet Sabrewing. You brought me back from the Shadow Realm. If you can do that, you can do anything!”

Violet stares at her for a moment, then Indy, then Ty. Her eyes are glassy. She opens her fist to hold Lena’s hand and squeezes it weakly.

“Thanks,” she whispers, with a smile that doesn’t exactly reach her eyes.

...At least she’s smiling a little. Lena frowns, but gets an idea. She leans forward to ask Ty, “By the way, how long until we get there?”

“Five hours, I think,” Indy answers.

“FIVE HOURS?!” She can feel a vein pop in her head. Five hours. Five. Hours. It feels like she’s been in this stinkin’ car for decades already. Well, no matter.

She turns to Violet. “Alright, since we’re basically stuck here, why don’t I teach you how to smacktalk?”

Violet raises an eyebrow, clearly unamused. “Is that really necessary? Also, I doubt Hubert would appreciate—”

“Of course it is! And of course he won’t. You can’t have a healthy rivalry without a little back and forth! Where’s the fun in that?! Now, the key to good smacktalk is...”

She spends the rest of the ride lecturing Violet on the essentials of smacktalk (read: making most of it up as she went). As they drove, Violet’s shoulders began to relax and she allowed herself to laugh more, and Lena felt more at ease than she had in a while.

––––––––––

4.

Lena wakes up with a gasp. Frantically, she feels around. Her arms are intact. Her legs are still here. Nothing hurts. Phantom Blot isn’t here. Okay. It was just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream.

“Lena?”

“Vi?” Lena calls, but it sounds more like a choked sob. She’s suddenly acutely aware of the tears messing up her feathers and her pounding heart.

Violet sits up. “Another nightmare?” she asks, her voice quiet. Lena nods. She gets up from bed and leaves the room. Lena sits in the darkness, her hands gripping her knees tightly. Breathe in, breathe out.

Violet returns with a tall glass of water and hands it to her. Lena takes it and brings the glass to her beak. The water is cool and soothing.

“They’ve become increasingly frequent. Shouldn’t we talk to our fathers about this?”

“No,” Lena says immediately, finishing her glass and setting it on the night table with shaky hands. “I don’t want them to get worried.” 

Violet gives her a glare that pierces even in the dark, then sighs.

“Very well.”

✿ — ✿ — ✿

On Christmas Day, Lena wakes up to Violet dumping a bucket of cold water over her.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Ack—! Violet, what the hell?!”

“Apologies,” Violet says, her tone betraying her words. She’s already dressed in a plain cream turtleneck. “You wouldn’t wake up no matter what I did.” She tugs at her sleeve. “Now, come. Fathers are already in the living room. You were literally the last to awaken.” Without waiting for a response, she drags her out of the room and down the stairs.

The living room feels… warmer than usual. There are string lights, giving out a gentle multicoloured glow, both around the Christmas Tree and hung up along the walls. Someone took the time to hang a wreath on every door in the house, each covered in mini ornaments and topped with a red bow. The bright orange fire in the fireplace is crackling.

Ty and Indy are already waiting, wearing matching Christmas sweaters. “Merry Christmas!” they greet, pulling the two girls into a hug. 

“Merry Christmas,” Lena says back before pulling away. The cheeriness of the season was beginning to catch up to her. “So! What do we do first?”

“Well, the presents are under the tree but maybe eat breakfast first—”

Lena was gone the moment Ty said ‘presents’. She rushes to the tree and begins checking the tags for her name. Not that there are that many presents to check. Violet follows soon after with a much calmer demeanor.

She ends up with a limited edition of The FeatherWeights’ newest album from Ty and Indy (“How did you know they’re my favourite band?!” “Your shirt is all we needed to clue us in.”) and an exact replica of the Caw-nverse shoes she loves wearing. Violet receives two books — an encyclopedia the thickness of one and a half dictionaries about magic and a thinner book called Tales of the Peculiar.

She’s ready to head off to the dining table to eat when Violet stops her. 

“Wait.” She pulls out a neatly wrapped present from her pocket and holds it out to Lena. “Here.”

“Wh— But I didn’t get you anything!”

“It’s okay.” Violet shoves the present into her hands. “Just take it.” Lena peers at her suspiciously before tearing the wrapping paper clean off and opening the box.

A dreamcatcher. The hoop used is a nice beige, and a flower-like design had been woven within it with colourful threads. White feathers suspended from twine, with beads adorning the strands at intervals, are attached to the hoop. Lena dangles the dreamcatcher above the box and looks at Violet questioningly.

“It may not be as beneficial as actual therapy since I couldn’t infuse it with any magic, but it should help keep the bad dreams at bay,” Violet explains. “Probably. I made it myself so it might not work.”

Lena stares at the dreamcatcher again. Upon closer inspection, the feathers and beads appear to be glued to the twine, and the twine was wound imperfectly around the base of the hoop. The flower design is also uneven, having slightly larger ‘petals’ on one side. She feels herself tear up. “Violet. This is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me.”

“I can’t believe saving you from roaming in the shadow realm for all of eternity isn’t the sweetest thing I've ever done for you,” Violet replies, completely deadpan. But the corners of her beak are twitching upwards.

“You wanted to summon evil spirits! I was a byproduct. It doesn’t count,” Lena jokes, putting the dreamcatcher away. She envelopes her in a crushing hug. “Thank you.” Her voice is wobbling. “This is just— It must’ve taken ages. Now I feel even worse for not getting you anything.”

Violet hugs her back just as tightly. “You’re welcome. Just make sure you get me my own personal library next year.”

As if your room isn’t filled with enough books as is, Lena thinks, but she can’t help but laugh.

Ty clears his throat. “This is great, but it’s already nine and you girls haven’t even had breakfast yet, so chop chop! We’ve got a whole day ahead of us.”

(They end up at the ice rink, where Lena learns that she’s actually terrible at ice skating. Violet offers to teach her like the Samaritan she is, but doesn’t hesitate to throw jabs at her incompetence. Fortunately, she’s not the only one who’s suffering, if Indy’s screaming and Ty’s guffawing are any indications.)

––––––––––

In the first fifteen years of her life, Lena had been alone with no one to turn to. Being part of a happy family felt like something out of a movie or fairy tale. Happiness seemed like an unreachable dream.

But within two years, she found a best friend in Webby, a sister in Violet, and two dads in Ty and Indy. She found a family to call her own, one that loved her and made her feel good about herself. She was finally content.

The dreamcatcher and family photo hanging above her bed would need to be pried from her cold, dead hands.

[theodore-themilkman]

Doctor Sexy In The House

In which your brothers find out you don't just play nurse after their hunting trips. 

Ships: None.

Reader Age: 21 

Reader Gender: Female

Extra Info: You're a Winchester

WARNINGS: angst 

-Road So Far-

I think I first realised I wanted to be a doctor when I was 7. My dad and my big brother, Dean, had just returned from a hunt (Sammy had stayed with me) and they were pretty banged up.

I remember my father calling me over and telling me that he needed me to stitch him up on his back. Like any 7 year old I didn't know how to do that, he showed me how as he stitched up the werewolf scratches in Dean's arms as any father would.

I remember after he'd finished up Dean he'd handed me the needle and told me that he knew I could do it. Minutes later he'd snatched the thing from my hand and called me useless when I'd poked him but that didn't discourage me.

I practiced on the only doll I had. I would cut her up and sew her back together again until I could do it with my eyes closed.

I moved on from stitches and learnt how to identify and treat broken bones, then I learnt how to remove bullets and glass shards from the body without harming the patient from the inside, then I found out how to deliver a baby (while under the pressure of a vengeful spirit trying to murder myself and the woman - I give myself extra points for that one). It continued over the years to the point that I was at college level doctoring by age 14.

Dad and my brothers didn't know. They didn't know that I had graduated high school at age 15 (I assume they thought I'd dropped out). They didn't know that I was completing online courses on the laptop I'd been given for research. They didn't know that when I went on a solo hunt I was actually finishing my practical exams at a nearby university. They didn't know because I didn't tell them.

I thought of telling Sam when he left for Stanford but since he hadn't even considered online schooling I'd assumed that he wouldn't appreciate it so I kept my mouth shut. I got my degree two months after he left. I was 18.

I stayed with Dean and Dad, I was their nurse of some sorts after hunts. They knew I was good at playing doctor, they didn't know that I was actually a doctor.

When Dad went missing 2 years later Dean and Dean and I went to fetch Sam I considered it again. Telling them. But something stopped me and I kept it to myself until one hunt a year or so after we had gotten Sam.

-Line Break-

"Y/N you coming with us to see the doc or...?"

I stared at Dean for moment, contemplating whether or not I actually wanted to be apart of this hunt. "Yep," I finally decided and followed them to the Impala.

I said nothing as we drove, only listening as the boys talked. I wasn't very close to my brothers, I felt as if I couldn't connect with them. With my choosing stay at the motel over hunting with them most of the time, it wasn't all too surprising. So I didn't let it get to me and tried to get along with them as much as I could.

As we stopped in front of the university Sam looked to me. "You got your badge?" It was my first hunt in a while and I wasn't surprised that he was checking up on me before we went in.

I nodded, pulling out the fake doctoring badge I had been given to prove it and placed it back into my pocket.

"Good, now remember I'll do the talking and you and Dean just say something when absolutely necessary," Sam reminded me. Usually it was Dean that would take charge like this but this was smart stuff and obviously Sam was the smart one so he had to take the lead. I would've rolled my eyes if I wasn't afraid of exposing myself to them.

We entered the building and were stopped by one of the doctors - a real one, not a phony like us. "Can I help you?"

Sam flashed the woman a smile, the charming innocent one that he used on cases when he wanted to look less suspicious. "Yeah, I'm Dr Urie. With me are my colleagues Dr Joseph and Dr Way. We were sent to check out the Pierce Murders."

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Can I see your badges please?"

Sam's smile didn't waver. "Of course."

He handed her his fake badge, Dean and I following his lead. She looked at the three badges individually, her eyes shining with more and more belief until she came to mine. Her head snapped up and she looked at me with wide eyes. "Dr Winchester? As in Dr Y/N Winchester, the youngest doctor in our country."

I blinked then glanced to the badge in her hand. It was my actual badge. Of all the mistakes-

"Yeah, that's me," I told her, ignoring my internal freak out and my brothers' burning gazes.

"It's truly an honor," she murmured in admiration. "You guys said you were here for the Pierce Murders?" We nodded. "Okay, I can take you right now although Dr Winchester -"

I nodded that she continue. "If it isn't too much trouble could you take a look at a few of our live patients upstairs." I grinned, still ignoring my brothers and nodded.

-Line Break-

As the three of us returned to the car it was silent but I knew that wouldn't last long. And as we got into the car I was proven correct when Dean started demanding answers.

"What the hell was that?"

I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth. It looks like it was time to come clean. "I uh I'm a qualified doctor. Have been for a few years now. I graduated medical school and everything."

My brothers stared at me with wild eyes. "When did you do that?" Dean demanded.

"Well I got my medical license when I was 18," I answered tentatively.

It was Sam that spoke this time. "How the fuck did you do that? You didn't even finish high school."

My gaze hardened, and I no longer felt nervous. I was more pissed than anything. "I did a actually, when I was 15. It was a lovely ceremony, I was valedictorian oh and the only person whose family didn't show up."

Dean looked like he was feeling guilty for a moment then his jaw clenched. "You didn't tell us."

"I did actually, multiple times," I shot back.

"Dad, I've got to be at the school tomorrow night. It's graduation, you're coming, right?" I asked tentatively.

My father barely spared me a glance, instead focusing on the TV. "Yeah, yeah."

I glanced to my brothers, Sam was immersed in a book and Dean was watching the TV as well. "You're all coming?" I continued to question hopefully.

"Sure," Dean said distractedly. "Yep," Sam chimed up as if he was only agreeing because everyone else was.

I frowned at their tones but walked to bed nonetheless.

-

"Just reminding you of my graduation tonight," I said eating a spoon full of sludge that was supposedly cereal.

The boys grunted in return.

-

"Don't forget my graduation," I told Dean as he stopped the car in front of the school.

His eyes followed a pretty blonde that walked by. "Uh huh."

-

Graduation, tonight.

I sucked on my lower lip as I stared at the text I had sent on the family group. No one replied.

-

"Come on pick up," I said into the phone.

"It's Sam, leave a message."

"Uh hey Sammy, I've tried calling both Dad and Dean they didn't pick up either. Just wondering where you guys are, I'm going on in ten minutes and I haven't seen you."

-

I walked into the motel, my cheeks were stained with tears stains. I held a box with my awards in my arms.

As I looked around I noticed that my father and the boys were all fast asleep on their beds. I glanced to the fridge where I had left a sticky note. Graduation tonight, don't forget :)

My lower lip trembled and I stormed to the fridge then ripped the note off.

I stared at my brothers as I finished recounting the events, they stared at me mouth agape.

"That's not true," Dean finally said.

Fed up I reached over Sam to the glove compartment and grabbed the box with the phones. I rummaged around for a moment then pulled out my old phone.

I turned it on and went onto the old family group chat. I scrolled through the messages until I found the one I was looking for. I shoved it into Sam's hand. He stared at words displayed on the device.

"And," I reached between the seat that I had claimed as my own all those years ago and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. I shoved that into Sam's hands as well.

The car was silent.

"How'd you complete the classes? I don't remember you running off to college," Dean finally broke the silence. 

I glanced to Sam then swallowed. "Online classes and sneaking off for practicals."

Sam's lips parted and suddenly he looked really guilty. "I didn't even think -" 

"It's fine, you wanted a normal life and online schooling wouldn't have given you that freedom," I cut him off. 

It was silent again. 

"So you've been some big hotshot doctor this entire time and instead of finding some apple pie life, you stayed with us and used your medical degree or whatever to patch us up?" Dean asked as if were the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. 

I shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Why?" Sam asked this time.

"You guys are family, you don't turn your back on family."

Dean smiled at me softly and Sam looked ready to attack me in a moose attack hug. "Spoken like a true Winchester," Dean told me.

-Cue End Music-

[bonaintan]

A Journey to KGSP/GKS: Study Plan

After a very long while, I finally managed to post this! This, I guess is my final post on A Journey to KGSP/GKS Series. I’m still considering whether or not to make a post about the interview. I’m not sure I can cover this topic well since my experience is limited to the interview session in the Korean Embassy. Even I heard that each Embassy has its own way of conducting the interview, including the questions given. Anyways, on this post, I’ll be sharing on my experience in writing a study plan (or statement of purpose for the Graduate degrees) for the GKS Application. If you just started preparing the GKS Application, you may want to check my previous posts on the guideline to the application forms and personal statement essay or read my experience in applying for the 2016 KGSP/GKS-G.

So, as we’ve known, a study plan is another important stage to showcase the applicant’s ability in planning his study in Korea. One needs to explain his/her plans before coming to Korea when doing the study in Korea, and after graduating from the Korean university.

Study Plan template (2021 GKS-Undergraduate Application)

Statement of Purpose template (2021 GKS-Graduate Application)

 When preparing for the application back in 2016, I tried to find as many resources as possible. I joined the KGSP Global Applicant Facebook group, searched awardees from Indonesia and other countries online through Facebook and Instagram, and contacted them to discuss their experience and ask for some advice. I then found Mas Nasikun’s blog, a KGSP awardee from Indonesia who did his Master’s degree program at Seoul National University. I was especially very grateful for his posts on how to write a study plan. His posts on KGSP Application are still there and anyone interested in applying for this scholarship will surely find it very useful.

Here I’m making a kind of brief guideline in writing a study plan. I divide them into plans before, during, and after studying in Korea.

Plans before going to Korea. Here, you need to write down things you have been doing and will be doing before going to Korea. This mostly covers Korean language preparation. I believe that ‘taking Korean language courses’ shouldn’t be necessarily on the list. There’s a bunch of fun ways to learn a language, especially the Korean language. What is better than watching Korean TV shows and being whipped by the actors and actresses? (Not watching one?) Okay, if you still doubt whether you should start learning the language by now, I urge you to do so unless you just apply for fun and ‘luckily’ see yourself get a seat at the end. Especially for those who never got anything related to Korea, get yourself used to how Korean language sounds is an important first step that will take you further lightheartedly. I met people who hardly heard the Korean language until they reach the country, and they struggled within one-year language training which I believe could have been less tormenting and fun instead. One year is short if not to say insufficient, trust me.

I was far from fluent when applying for this scholarship program (well, I still am), but I wasn’t unfamiliar with the language either. If there was only one effort in learning the language that I invested the most, it was listening to Korean songs. I wasn’t into K-dramas before coming to Korea, and I could barely make any time to go to a language center. I started learning Hangeul (Korean alphabet) while preparing for the application but just started self-teaching on basic grammars around 2 months before my departure in August. I wasn’t confident in mastering the language in one year, plus my over-anxiety told me to do something to lessen my stress in the future. Still, I knew I should’ve started earlier.

So, you need to explain that any plans during this time are to prepare you for life in Korea and of course the degree program. Here, you also need to mention your goals during the language training program. You may divide it into two semesters; what things you will do and the level of Korean proficiency you aim in the first and second half. There are many programs you can participate in during language training, such as the Buddy program, voluntary work at Korean schools, cultural festivals, etc. You may do your research and mention what you’re mostly expecting to do to improve your Korean skills.

Plans during your study in Korea. This section is a little bit different for GKS-U and GKS-G applicants AND applicants via Embassy and University Track. GKS-U applicants are provided a separate section for this part whereas, for GKS-G applicants, this part is combined with the plan before coming to Korea. Regardless, the best way to deliver this part is by setting a timeline for your plan, either per semester or per academic year.

For GKS-U applicants, I personally think that you can simply mention the number of credits in total to graduate and the average number of credits every semester. As for the course, you can mention some courses you’re particularly interested in and the reason (for example, those courses are in line with the topic interest of your final project/thesis, or they will be beneficial for your future career). These are basic information, so make sure you check the curriculum and graduation requirements! Other things to include are plans on taking short-term courses during summer/winter break and organizations/clubs/other student activities you will want to join (check on the university/department website for reference). Don’t forget to elaborate on why you need these activities (project it to your future goal).

For GKS-G applicants, I recommend writing down your study plan per semester since dividing into two academic years may limit the details. Depending on the major, you may set different goals each semester. Generally, I believe, the first semester would be the time to strengthen your fundamental knowledge regarding your field of study while adapting to the Korean education system. Some may have chances to start consulting with their academic advisor/professor even working in a lab. In the second semester, you may need to start working on your research plans. Here, you may briefly explain the thesis research you want to do. Most Master’s degree programs in Korea require a thesis for graduation so make sure you prepare one. Unless you’re applying for the Research Program, no need to go very detail on this. Three important points to include when explaining your research plan: what the research topic is, why you want to work on it, and why Korea and/or your university choice is the best place to carry out this research. In the third semester, you will probably need to sit for a comprehensive exam and start conducting your research. For social science and humanity students, you should prepare the ethical clearance application by the end of this semester or during the semester break so that you can start conducting your research, especially, collecting the research data, as the new semester begins. Finally, you may wrap up your final semester by completing the thesis and publishing or submitting a research article to a journal (some departments have it as part of graduation requirements).

For Embassy track applicants, I don’t think you need to elaborate on your 3 university and major choices and the reasons behind every choice. You likely apply for similar if not the same major. Despite different names, the focus study should be the same and that’s what you need to elaborate on. What I did back then is briefing the reason I applied for that major (I already mention it in the Personal Statement so I just briefly explain it here) and what topic of study I will focus on my thesis research. For university track applicants, you may explain the reasons for applying to the major and the university of your choice and your study plan followed by the plan each semester.

Plans after graduating from a Korean university. The keyword for this part, I believe, is future career. And the best way to show the reviewer your enthusiasm and your visionary side (regardless of how vague the future life is yet), is to name your future goal. I think telling what kind of job you aspire and some motivations behind it would work. Another important point to include is whether you will return to your home country or stay in Korea after graduation, accompanied by things you will do afterward. Again, this part may seem vague for some, especially for GKS-U applicants. Still, you need to make it as detail as possible, regardless of whether you’ll change it someday in the future or whether it seems unattainable for now. Dream big! If you plan on going directly to a graduate school, briefly explain what motivates you to continue your study and what field of study you’re going for. For GKS-G applicants, I guess their work for this part shouldn’t be too difficult as some are likely to already have a job and/or know where they’ll go after receiving the degree.

----

I hope you find this post helpful and may as well be a reference for writing your study plan. Best of luck with your GKS application and your study in Korea.

[artificialqueens]

Not Nineteen Forever (19) (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex) - Ortega

a/n: hi pals! so this was probs one of my top 3 fav chapters to write out of the whole fic. it’s got so many things that i just love, and i so hope u will love it too. i should probs make it clear that this isn’t the end of the fic! it’s going to have 21 chapters, so there’s two more to come after this (omg only 2????? bitch wtf???? WTF???). thank u guys for all the love my ask box gets flooded with after every chapter, i’m always so so excited when i see it so thank u so much, i really appreciate it!! here we go with n19f19 xoxo

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: there were confessions of love in a karaoke bar.

this chapter: a month on from the events of last chapter and with final exams and dissertations looming, Brooke thinks she can avoid Vanessa until graduation without having to confront anything that’s happened between them. this proves difficult when she’s trapped in the library with her.

***

Brooke was fine. She was more than fine, actually, she was good. She was calm, serene, fucking zen. If it wasn’t for the dissertation she had to hand in a week from now she would have ascended to Buddha-like status, doling out study tips to her friends like proverbs.

Brooke had always been good at exams. She’d been a straight-A student back in Canada, the whole process of revision coming naturally to her. She’d bought designated ringbinders for every subject, poring over textbooks and copying information out in messy cursive until she’d filled her whole refill pad. When she’d walked into the big assembly hall on exam day, she didn’t get the usual churning of her stomach or shaky hands that her friends had always described. It was almost as if the hall reminded her of taking ballet exams when she was a girl- she knew what to do, she had all the information in her head somewhere, and all that was required of her was to think and write.

Essays, however, had never come easy, which was a shame as they essentially formed the basis of Brooke’s degree. There wasn’t the fast-paced element to essays as there were to exams, and lengthy deadlines gave Brooke time to overthink, redraft, panic, delete, then do the whole process over again. She’d never fully got the hang of them; add in the fact a different tutor marked what she’d written every time and her grades were practically a lottery. She knew this element would follow her throughout her career- writing, fashion design, God even her ballet exams from years ago- it was all a form of art, and art was subjective. She knew there were designers out there that were universally respected, but none were universally liked. Nothing was universally liked. In an exam, there was a set of right or wrong answers, but essays were open to interpretation. An interpretation that her degree classification depended on.

Stretching and feeling her spine bump against the hard plastic chair, Brooke let out a huge breath. She could still see her Mum’s face if she remembered hard enough, when she’d told her her very first mark on her very first uni assignment back in first year; the way the woman’s face had faltered a little but forced a smile and a congratulations. It was the first mark below 70% Brooke could remember in a long time, and her Mum’s disappointment still stung. Brooke was currently sitting on a 2:1, but only just. Her dissertation was going to cement what degree she received and Christ, Brooke would be lying if she said the pressure wasn’t getting to her ever so slightly. It was at the stage where she was taking a beta blocker each morning before spending most of the day in the library. Sometimes she’d take another in the afternoon if she felt herself starting to panic. Maybe that was the reason she was so chill.

Looking at her laptop and the block of black text against white digital paper, she rubbed her eyes and glanced through the huge floor-to-ceiling pane of glass to her left. Her own sleepy face gazed back at her, the view rendered invisible due to the pitch black outside. Brooke didn’t dare look at the time, but she knew it had to be late if it was this dark at the end of April. Casting her eyes to Nina, she couldn’t help but give a snort of a laugh.

“What the hell are you doing?” Brooke asked, looking at the exploded rainbow of colour-coded flash cards that were strewn across the girl’s desk and spilling out onto the floor. There were scribbly neon post-it notes stuck all over her laptop screen and Nina probably had half the library stacked up in high-rise tower blocks on her desk. A quick glance at her screen showed Brooke that Nina had roughly sixty tabs open.

“My goddamn best.”

Brooke let out another laugh as Nina gestured helplessly at the mess in front of her. “Jesus Christ, Brooke, how the hell am I going to be a teacher if I’m this disorganised?”

Brooke gave a little shrug and raised her eyebrows. “I dread to think what your classroom desk is going to be like.”

“Probably going to accidentally kill a child on my first day. Nudge over a big pile of papers on my desk, boof. Dead,” Nina giggled, then let out a huge laugh and instantly clamped her hands over her mouth in embarrassment. The action made Brooke laugh out loud too until the pair were having a silent laughing fit in the exact place they weren’t supposed to be making any noise.

To be fair, the top floor was pretty empty given the late hour they were there. The few people that were left were already packing up their things and leaving, laptops shut in a manner of resignation. The yellow strobe lights that hung above gave the whole place a clinical glow, and the patterns on the fuzzy green carpet all seemed to merge into one. As Brooke ran a hand through her hair and was about to check the time on her phone, loud chimes rang out over the speakers built into the ceiling.

“Would all students please be aware that the library will be closing in ten minutes, that’s ten minutes. Thank you.”

Brooke almost jumped out of her skin. She blinked, then looked at the four numbers in the bottom right-hand corner of her screen. “Nina. No way is it almost midnight.”

“God. I’m not even surprised anymore. At this point it feels like we live here,” Nina groaned, cracking her back in a way that made Brooke wince then rolling her shoulders. “I guess we should head back to the flat.”

Brooke’s ears pricked as she heard a commotion from the other end of the floor. It sounded like a thunder of footsteps and a hissed argument. Turning slowly, Brooke’s heart sank as she saw exactly who she’d hoped she’d be able to avoid until graduation day.

Silky and Vanessa were standing at the printer a mere two sets of desks away from her and Nina. Silky seemed to be printing something out and insisting she wouldn’t be long as Vanessa tapped her heel against the carpeted floor impatiently, her Converse almost wearing a hole in the floor. Despite the late hour her makeup was still perfectly applied, and her hair was half hanging loose over her shoulders and half swept up into a haphazard topknot. Brooke pictured Vanessa growing frustrated at her desk, fretting over some form of past paper and tearing her hands through her hair, tugging her brown locks up and securing them with a hair tie. Brooke hoped she wasn’t too stressed about her finals. She remembered that when they were together Vanessa had had some form of big essay due, and she’d sat up in bed exhaling and worrying, typing furiously with her long nails crashing against the keyboard of her laptop like angry waves. Brooke had quietly brought her tea, wordlessly pressed a kiss to her temple, and Vanessa had cast her a soft smile that had made Brooke’s heart set alight.

Just then Silky looked across the room, saw her, and began to wave. Fuck. Brooke watched as Vanessa cast her gaze over to where she sat. Her eyes widened when she laid them on Brooke and she tilted her head to the sky, barely hiding a gigantic roll of her eyes as she followed Silky over to Brooke and Nina. Brooke had in the time it took for the girls to reach their desk to decide how she wanted to play this. It was a tough decision. Because in the month-and-a-bit since their dalliance in the hot tub, and an even shorter time since her crying meltdown to Scarlet in the Swan toilets, Brooke had developed a hard, harsh exoskeleton for herself that involved channeling all the love and regret she felt for Vanessa into venom, poison and dislike. If Vanessa wanted to be petty and unkind and rude to her, then fuck it. Brooke would be the exact same back. She’d tried it out already- responding to thinly-veiled barbs in the groupchat, ignoring her if they saw each other. Brooke didn’t want to act that way, didn’t want to do any of it, but she forced herself to do it in the way a small child had to be forced to eat vegetables; it was what was good for her. Good for them both. It was better that Vanessa hated her. She’d tried loving her and look where the fuck that had ended up.

The issue was, the frosty behaviour she’d return to Vanessa was uncontrollable. She knew it was causing vibes and tension in the group, splitting them all up and causing cracks and fractures in a time where they were meant to be closer than ever. Yvie had had words with her, as had Nina. It hadn’t got them anywhere. Brooke had tried to reach out to Vanessa, offered her so many olive branches that Vanessa had just started beating Brooke black and blue with them. Brooke knew it was for the best if she acted like the complete bitch that Vanessa thought she was.

“Hey, sisters! What you both doin’ here so late?” Silky asked cheerfully as she reached the girls. Brooke stuck a smile on her face, tried not to look at Vanessa and then failed. Her thick eyelashes were cast to the floor as she scuffed the carpet with her shoe. Brooke felt a stab at her heart. Luckily, Nina took over.

“Christ, I was just saying to Brooke it feels like we’ve moved in here. My diss is due on Friday and I’m stressed out of my mind. What’re you guys up to?”

Silky waved a thick stack of paper at Nina as if she was showing her evidence. “We were down on floor one but the janitor’s chucking people out. I needed some readings and figured he’d get up here last, so I just came to the top floor to use the printer.”

“Yeah, and we’re done now, so let’s go. I need to pee before we leave,” Vanessa muttered to her flatmate, her voice dull as she still didn’t tear her gaze from the floor.

Nina’s cheerful smile faltered. Silky, to her credit, looked embarrassed by Vanessa’s sulky behaviour. To Brooke’s dismay, Nina shoved all of her index cards onto her laptop keyboard and slammed it closed. “Well, hey! We were just leaving. We’ll come with you.”

Vanessa’s face twisted into one of discomfort. “Nah, Nina, really, it’s fine. I’m gonna head to the bathroom anyway-”

“We can wait for you! It’s no big deal!”

Brooke’s heart sank. Great. An excruciating walk back outside with the girl that hated her most in the world. Just as she was about to bullshit a reason why they couldn’t, Silky enthusiastically agreed. Brooke watched Vanessa bite her lip in frustration, give a forced fake smile and nod. They were both united in the fact that it was a situation neither of them wanted to be in. It was the closest Brooke had felt to Vanessa in a while.

Nina and Silky filled the silence on their way to the library toilets. They were only beside the lifts so not that far away, but every step felt as if it lasted a million years. Finally, mercifully, the girls came to the toilets and Vanessa ducked inside. As they waited, Brooke just wished and hoped she’d be quick so the awkward situation would be over sooner rather than later. One minute turned into two, and Silky became impatient. Brooke watched as she wrenched open the door and yelled inside.

“VANJ, C’MON! THE PLACE IS CLOSING SOON!” she shouted into the room, muttering under her breath something about Vanessa having a bladder like the Hindenburg. Brooke tried to be patient and cast her eyes up to the ceiling. Looking back into the floor of the library, she was alarmed to find it completely empty, void of people. It could have been that she was startled, but she gave a shout into the bathroom too.

“Vanjie, hurry up! Jesus!”

At this point Vanessa was standing blasting her hands with air from the dryer. She shouted something back at Brooke that Brooke couldn’t hear over the air jets, but she could hazard a guess as to what it was. Finally, Vanessa stormed out.

“Fuck me, will you girls hop off my dick? Can I not pee in peace without you rushing me along? We’ve got ages! It’s fine!”

And then everything was suddenly plunged into darkness.

Brooke gave an involuntary cry of fear, felt someone grab her hand. Looking down at her interlocked fingers and then up to who it was connected to, she was shocked to see Vanessa, her face illuminated in the green fire escape sign and completely petrified. All at once she seemed to realise what she’d done and dropped Brooke’s hand like it was made of hot metal. Nina had fallen silent, her expression one of shock, and Silky was uncharacteristically quiet.

“Fuck,” Brooke found herself saying. Her mouth had gone completely dry.

“It’s fine. It’s fine, they’ll just be turning off the lights before they lock up. Let’s just hurry up and get the lift,” Silky reassured them, but Brooke didn’t miss the worried frown that was set on her face as the four of them walked quickly. Vanessa reached the button first, scrabbled at it with her fingers. The little white light that usually illuminated the panel didn’t turn on.

“Oh my God this can’t be happening,” Nina whispered, her voice panicked and fast. Silky rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder, but the frown on her face was deepening. Reaching out, she pressed the same button firmly, jamming it into its little metal pad. Nothing. The girls stood in silence for only a few seconds, listening for the metal whirrs and clunks that the lift usually made on its way up or down the building. Nothing came.

“Stairs,” Vanessa said simply, her voice full of worry as she suddenly dashed in the direction of the stairwell. The three other girls followed and all pretence of remaining calm and walking was truly out the window as their trainers squeaked over the linoleum, feet thumping harshly against the steps as they tore down flight after flight. Brooke’s pulse was speeding so fast she thought she would have a heart attack, and the bones of her feet began to hurt more with every step she launched herself down two-at-a-time. Breathless and frantic, they finally reached the bottom floor, Vanessa crashing through the double doors at the bottom of the stairwell and speeding across the lobby to the main entrance. Brooke was hot on her heels, her heart now painful in her chest and her breath coming in thick, uncomfortable wheezes. Any hope she’d had sank to the floor with her gut as Vanessa pounded the automatic doors and almost wrenched the fire door off its hinges in an attempt to get out. It was to no avail.

“Oh my God. Oh my God,” Nina repeated, her hands flying to her face as it blanched in fear.

“Fucking shit- HELLO? HELLO? WE’RE STILL IN HERE!” Silky yelled at the top of her lungs to nobody in particular.

“Guys, I don’t like this,” Brooke said, hearing the shake in her own voice as her eyes darted around the huge, dark building frantically.

“No shit, really? I’m having a fuckin’ whale of a time, personally,” Vanessa hissed, casting a glare her way before going back to shaking the doorhandles in a futile attempt to open them. Brooke felt her face curl up in a sneer, all the fear she’d felt previously moved into a convenient little box and replaced with all-consuming anger.

“Ugh, JESUS, Vanessa, of course, of fucking course, we’re literally locked in a uni building with no way out and you choose to start picking a fight with me. Big fucking-”

“ENOUGH!” Nina shouted, Brooke taken aback. She had known Nina for almost three years now, and in that time she’d never heard her shout. Well, she’d heard her shout with happiness or joy or fear, but never anger like this. She felt like one of her primary school kids as Nina continued. “Both of you just shut the fuck up for one fucking minute! Can we at least just find a way out of here before you start a fucking domestic?”

“I’ll take the cafe,” Silky said decisively, shouting to the others as she ran in the opposite direction. “Nina go right, Brooke and Vanjie go left.”

Brooke narrowed her eyes, looking again at Vanessa whose gaze mirrored Brooke’s. Relenting and not wanting to risk another telling-off from Nina, Brooke obediently tore off in the direction Silky had told her to go. She weaved her way through desks and bookshelves, checking every window only to find them all locked. As she was losing hope, the dull, green light of a fire escape sign caught her eye. Brooke sighed with relief as she tore towards it. This was surely a guaranteed way out. Reaching the tall door, Brooke slammed her hands on the cold, metal bar that lay across it, pushed down, and waited for the cold night air to hit her face and calm down her panic.

Nothing.

Brooke frowned, trying again and pushing harder at the bar. This time she got her shoulder involved, leaning all her weight against it. It didn’t so much as budge.

“We’re outta luck. They’re all locked from the outside.”

Brooke turned to see Vanessa walking purposefully towards her. Her tone was frustrated, but not towards her at least. Brooke felt relieved. She was beginning to regret snapping at Vanessa earlier, even if she was meant to dislike her. She wondered if she felt as scared as she did. Brooke thought about how Vanessa always hid her fear, remembered the time they watched some shit, gory horror movie at hers when they were together. Brooke had flinched and squealed and buried her face in Vanessa’s hoodie every two seconds while Vanessa had laughed at her, told her it was all fine and fake, but Brooke could feel Vanessa’s heart beat fast in her chest and her stomach muscles tensing every time a new horrific sight appeared on screen.

Vanessa leant against the bar that Brooke had tried, punctuating it with an angry kick of her foot. “That shit’s illegal, you know. Locking a fire door. We could sue fuck outta them.”

Brooke couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “Yeah I’m sure we, twentysomething students with collectively hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of debt, have both the resources and the influence to sue the university. They’d shit themselves.”

She watched as Vanessa looked at her, a glare about to appear in her dark eyes, then disappearing as she allowed herself a small smile and a single snort of laughter. There was a pause of silence. Brooke decided to fill it. “Let’s find the girls, maybe they found a way out.”

As they passed by the floor-to-ceiling windows again, Vanessa suddenly gasped and tore off to bang on the glass. Brooke followed her eyeline and was overjoyed to find what looked to be a janitor, finishing up and walking away from the building. She joined Vanessa and pounded her fists against the window, shouting randomly if only just to make a noise. Her hope began to die, however, when instead of noticing the absolute cacophony of noise the girls created, the man simply got further and further away. Brooke watched as he got his phone out, a long earphone cord attached to it. She slumped against the glass and let out a helpless moan.

“Fucking shit bitch ass motherfucker!” Vanessa hissed in anger, pounding on the glass with her knuckles one last time. Brooke watched as she took a step back from the window, flexed her fingers and gave a hiss.

“You okay?” Brooke found herself asking. She could already feel herself frowning in concern as Vanessa nodded briskly, shaking her hand out and sticking the knuckle of one finger in her mouth.

“Fine. Just got a lil’ over-enthusiastic, cut my finger,” she spoke around her knuckle. Brooke felt a pang at her heart. She took a step towards Vanessa.

“Let’s see?”

Vanessa gave another laugh, harsher and more sardonic than her first had been. “It’s fine, Brooke, I don’t need you to kiss it better.”

Brooke held her hands up, unable to help the way her eyebrows flew up her face. “Okay, I’ll just go fuck myself!“

“Yeah, do that,” Vanessa muttered quietly, sitting on a desk beside the window and pulling her legs up to cross them. Brooke, in lieu of snapping back at the girl she’d once called her friend but had never called her girlfriend, did the same. They sat in a hostile silence, thoughts running around Brooke’s mind as to what she could do or say. So many options flooded her head that it was hard to see any of them clearly for what they were. It turned out she didn’t need to give any of them that much thought, however, as Nina and Silky soon appeared from the other end of the building.

“Oh, good! You’ve not killed each other,” Nina said brightly upon her return. Brooke snuck a quick look at Vanessa, then rolled her eyes.

“Guess you’re as shit out of luck as we are?” Silky asked, her voice quieter than usual by at least a few dozen decibels.

“Can you believe they locked the fire doors? Fuck them, man, imagine there was a real fire?” Vanessa spat bitterly. Nina sighed heavily and shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“We could try calling someone?”

Brooke frowned. “Who could we call?”

“The police?” Nina said immediately, her naivety causing the others to burst out laughing.

“And say what?! Hey listen, we know you’ve got murderers to catch but we’re locked in a uni building, could you bring round a big battering ram and knock the door down?” Brooke laughed, not missing the way Vanessa laughed in response and feeling a twinkle of pride light up in her heart.

“Well, could the fire brigade get us out?” Nina suggested, Silky groaning and pulling her hands down her face.

“Nina, you need to lower your expectations of what an emergency is. Four dumb uni students trapped in the library is not gonna be considered an emergency. We’re not in danger, we’re all breathing, and none of us have been set alight. That counts the big three out immediately.”

“What about a locksmith?” Vanessa shrugged. Brooke screwed up her face.

“Ah, for those locks that automatic doors have on them,” Silky deadpanned. Brooke laughed at the comment, clearly a little too loudly because Vanessa was back scowling at her again.

“Hey, they do so have locks, bitch.”

“I don’t think you can ask a locksmith to open a house that isn’t yours,” Nina frowned. Brooke raised an unimpressed eyebrow at her.

“I love my house, the university library.”

“Shut up! You knew what I meant,” Nina protested, as the other girls gave a laugh again.

“Surely there’ll be some phone number online for the janitor or something?” Brooke thought suddenly, Silky quickly taking out her phone to check. There was a moment of silence as the girls held their breath in hope. Finally, Silky let out an overjoyed cry.

“Cleaning supervisor main area- based in central library! Yes ladies! We’re fucking outta here!”

Brooke smiled so hard that her face hurt as Silky held her phone to her ear. Thank God. The nightmare was over, she could go back to her flat and not be literally trapped in a building with her ex. She would soon be-

The four girls jumped as a faint ringing of a phone could be heard from out in the lobby. For the hundredth time that night, Brooke felt her heart sink.

“I don’t really know what we expected from that,” Vanessa sighed, looking every inch the kicked puppy.  

It was quickly decided that their last hope were the girls who weren’t in the library, although this went down the drain fast as it was discovered that Yvie was over at Scarlet’s flat and they were both asleep, neither Akeria nor Monet were picking up, and Plastique had gone home to revise.

“What about Monique, Vanj? Could we try her?” Nina asked. Brooke was confused at the way Vanessa’s face twisted in discomfort, a little line setting deep on her forehead.

“Nah, she, uh…she won’t pick up,” she said simply, Nina nodding quickly and neglecting to ask any more about it. It didn’t stop Brooke from being intrigued.

“What the fuck are we gonna do, then? We can’t just spend the night here,” Silky’s voice was disbelieving. Brooke gave a resigned shrug.

“Silk, I don’t think there’s any alternative. It’s only a few hours, the place’ll open up again at six. We can go upstairs and sleep in those little pods they have for group projects. Then by the time we wake up again, it’ll be morning and we can all go back to the flat,” Brooke explained calmly, although inside she still had a lot of anxiety rattling about and the dark of the library wasn’t helping.

The girls reluctantly agreed that it was probably the only thing that was left for them to do. In nervous silence they climbed the stairs to the first floor, where Silky immediately set up camp in one of the pods, stretching herself out along the seats that had once been cushioned but had been flattened by hundreds and thousands of sets of bums over the years. Nina took one and set her laptop back up again, arguing that she’d actually been on a pretty good streak before she’d had to pack up and wanted to see if she could churn out another thousand words before she went to sleep. Brooke peeled off from the girls and took her own pod, her tall body unable to fully fit along the seats. As she attempted to sleep, one thing kept stopping her as it usually seemed to around this time of day. She sighed, tossed and turned as she thought about Vanessa. It had all gone so badly wrong. The more she tried to get her off her mind, the more memories she was reminded of. Hurting Vanessa was easier than loving her; snapping at her and being snarky made Brooke feel bad and a bit of a bitch, but loving her and torturing herself for what an idiot she’d been made her feel ten times worse, as if her heart had been removed from its sheath in her ribcage and been stomped on, kicked about, stabbed with a blunt knife and dragged through broken glass. Any attempt to sleep was futile. Brooke’s eyes hurt with fatigue as she sat up, rubbed them and stretched. She would go and see if Nina was still awake, maybe sit up and annoy her for a while.

As she crossed the floor she noticed a small movement out of the corner of her eye. Vanessa was sitting on the floor by the window, her legs crossed and eating a packet of crisps she’d managed to procure from somewhere. Brooke thought she looked so tiny compared to the huge pane of glass and the world that sat outside of it. Now that the lights were off, Brooke could see every detail that lay beyond the window- the soft yellow glow of the streetlights that faintly illuminated the park beside the library, the pink and white marshmallow cherry blossom trees that lined each path. A memory shot through Brooke’s mind like a lightning bolt- the eight of them in second year after their exams had all finished, having a barbecue in the park as the sun beat down and frazzled them all to a crisp, the smell of sausages and weed carried on the light breeze and the warmth in Brooke’s heart as Vanessa had teased her about something, the girls all laughing at Brooke’s embarrassment and protests.

God, they’d all been so happy.

Without really knowing what her plan was, Brooke walked over to where Vanessa was sitting and sat down cautiously beside her. The other girl looked at her, as if she was deciding whether to glare or smile. She ended up doing neither.

“Can’t sleep either?” Brooke chose as her opener, immediately regretting it for the cheesy line from a film it was. Vanessa gave a sarcastic chuckle, gestured around her.

“Apparently,” she said simply, Brooke looking at the carpet and kicking herself. There was a moment where the cogs in her brain whirred quickly, trying to come up with something else to say. Vanessa surprised her by speaking again. “I ain’t been sleeping too good lately anyway, though, so. I guess it don’t matter.”

“Me neither,” Brooke felt something click inside her, a surge of adrenaline coursing through her veins as she spoke again. “Vanessa, we need to talk.”

Vanessa kept her eyes trained on the pane of glass in front of her. “We are talking.”

“God, Ness, please don’t make this harder than it already is,” Brooke sighed, her face pleading. Vanessa’s head snapped round to face her and her eyes were what could only be described as murderous.

“Hard? Don’t fucking dare talk to me about hard,” she said, slowly and carefully and causing Brooke’s heart to frost over in fear. “This year has been shit, absolute shit, the shittest year of my life. You broke my heart- no, fuck that. You broke me. I had to take my goddamn feelings and put them all back together again, start from scratch while you swanned about absolutely fine. I am having to fight to get my average up because of the days I spent in my flat crying instead of going to lectures. Do you have any idea, Brooke, what this has been like for me?”

Brooke was silent as Vanessa continued relentlessly. “And then I finally got myself to a place where, hey, maybe I could be friends with you again! Then what happened? All the old feelings came back, didn’t they, and then we fucking…slept with each other and-”

“Hey, no,” Brooke jumped in, frowning and unable to listen to what was to come. “Don’t try to pin that on me, Vanessa, that was all you. It wasn’t me that fucking…straddled you in the hot tub and stripped off and talked about the sex I was having with other girls, was it?”

“Oh, no! You’re right. You’re correct,” Vanessa smiled sarcastically, soon getting replaced with a scowl. “You only got with me incredibly intensely in front of seven of our closest friends, who knew all the shit that’s gone down between us and watched like a fucking soap opera.”

“Well I didn’t hear you complaining at the time!” Brooke bit back, causing Vanessa to fall silent and play with a thread of her ripped jeans. Brooke let out a breath she’d been holding, took in a huge gulp of air. “Look, this is…this is off to a bad start.”

Brooke watched Vanessa’s throat move as she swallowed, her eyes cast downwards. Brooke was good at holding in her feelings, bottling them up like her life depended on it. She was terrified of feeling too much. She had no idea how this conversation was meant to start, but she knew she had to have it.

“Vanessa, I am sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much to you, but for what it’s worth, I am. I’m sorry for going about everything the wrong way. I’d never…done anything like this before, never properly seen anyone like I was seeing you, so I didn’t know how to behave. And fuck, maybe I was leading you on, and I’m sorry for that too. I just didn’t know what I wanted. Well, I thought I knew what I wanted but then I just…didn’t any more. I’m sorry for hurting you. I didn’t realise how much you liked me until it was too late,” Brooke cut herself off, sighing and feeling a bubble of sadness rise up in her throat. “Fuck, I’m trying to put it all the way I want it but nothing’s coming out right.”

Vanessa was looking at her, she knew it, but Brooke’s gaze had dropped to the floor. She brought her knees up to her chest. There was so much she wanted to say to Vanessa but none of the sentences she constructed in her head seemed to be sufficient.

“That night. You said that you missed me,” Vanessa’s voice was soft and small as she spoke, stripped from all the venom it had held before. “Did you mean it?”

Brooke jumped in instantly. “Yes.”

Vanessa was now looking at the floor, picking at her shoelace. “And did you mean…as a friend, or…just the sex, or…”

Brooke took a deep breath. I love you I love you IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. The words were so close to coming out, but she stopped them. Now wasn’t the right time, nowhere near the right time. She tried to think about what the perfect response would be, sighed, scrapped it, and decided to just simply speak. “I miss you as…everything. I miss you as whatever you want to be to me. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me. I just miss you for all that you are, the person you are. I miss us,” Brooke paused, realised her last remark was slightly risky. “Interpret that…however you want.”

Brooke snuck a gaze at Vanessa. A thought struck her as memories ran round her mind, and now she had started talking it seemed she couldn’t stop. “Do you remember after we…after lazerquest. Yvie’s birthday. We met up and we spoke about things and you said something. That whatever happens, we’d be friends always. Do you remember?”

Vanessa gave a little laugh. “You can wear a set of armbands in a current, don’t mean you won’t drown.”

She saw Brooke’s confused look, shot her a bashful smile. “I never expected to…end up feeling so strongly for you at the start. Didn’t expect to get as crazy about you as I got. Man…I wish you could turn feelings off.”

Brooke felt herself frown, a deep regret settling in the pit of her stomach. “I wish that too.”

She didn’t miss the brief look of surprise that flashed across Vanessa’s face. In the lull in conversation that followed, Vanessa wordlessly pushed the packet of crisps towards Brooke. She took one. Chilli heatwave wasn’t her favourite flavour, but it was a peace offering, and she’d take what she could get.

"So I stopped sleeping with Monique,” Vanessa commented, shrugging a little. Brooke blinked, almost choked on her crisp as she raced to get a reply out.

“Uh, yeah, I did notice you were a bit weird about things when Nina said you should call her.”

Vanessa pushed some hair out of her face, puffed her cheeks up with air and blew out harshly. “Monet kinda told me…she was catching feelings, and obviously I wasn’t there for that. So I said to her we shouldn’t keep going.”

Brooke felt a little twinge of pain for Monique. The poor girl had a crush and was just caught in the crossfire. “And how did she take it?”

Vanessa stared through the glass, her gaze steadfast. “I could tell she was sad. Disappointed. She didn’t start cryin’ or nothing, but…God, I still felt bad. I liked her, you know, she was a great girl. Maybe there’s a parallel universe where she took my heart and patched it all up again and we ended up together but…that’s not what it was for me. And the more she said she understood and that she hoped I’d find happiness, the worse I felt for having to tell her I wanted something different.”

Brooke nodded. She wanted to tell Vanessa that she knew the feeling all too well, but she didn’t want to interrupt her. Vanessa turned her head slowly, finally making eye contact with Brooke, and her eyes were the softest they’d been in a while. “I guess what I’m sayin’ is…I know now what it must have been like for you to break it off with me. And yeah, it completely fuckin’ wrecked me but…you did what you had to do. So…I forgive you, Brooke Lynn.”

Brooke couldn’t quite believe Vanessa was in front of her saying all this. Instinctively she wanted to launch herself forward and hug her, thanking her for her change of heart. Just as she’d convinced herself she was almost going to do it, Vanessa spoke again. Her voice held a slightly more steely note to it now. “But I don’t forgive you for kissing me or for that night in the hot tub. That really fucked with me.”

Brooke fought the urge to snap a childish you started it at her and instead said a soft okay. She also fought the urge to reach out and place a hand on top of Vanessa’s. The building was still pitch black and silent and the girls had reached a conversational purgatory. Vanessa had forgiven her for some of her mistakes at least. This was the closure Brooke had wanted. Despite herself, she found herself opening her mouth. There was so much still unresolved.

“You must kind of hate me for that."

Vanessa snorted, tilted her head to the sky. "I do and I don’t.”

A small silence. Brooke knew what she wanted to say, knew what topic she wanted to breach, but it meant plunging head first into the icy chill of the great unknown, and as much as she wanted to talk about it she was terrified of doing so.

“Is that because part of you loves me?”

It was out before Brooke knew it. Vanessa had frozen, her body unmoving with her head still positioned towards the ceiling like a terrifying Exorcist yoga pose. Brooke could immediately predict it, could practically hear it- Vanessa’s quick, sarcastic response, don’t flatter yourself, her getting up and thundering away to another part of the building in some angry game of hide and seek. She couldn’t face any of those options, so Brooke continued talking. “I was in the bathroom at the same time. In the next stall along from you and the girls. I heard you say that you never got to tell me. Did you mean it?”

“Why are you asking me this, Brooke? Is it to add insult to injury? Is it not enough knowing that the girl you broke it off with can still come crawling back into bed with you so easily, you have to rub salt into the wound by getting me to fucking…” Brooke heard Vanessa take a big deep, shaky breath, felt the tears prick at the corners of her own eyes. “…admit that I’m in love with you, yes, okay? I love you. What’s the reason?”

“Because I…fuck,” Brooke jumped in then immediately stopped. She felt her jaw wire itself shut, almost paralysed with fear. She didn’t know if she could verbalise everything she was feeling. “I’m not good at talking about this stuff.”

“No shit, Miss Marple,” Vanessa quipped bitterly, her eyes back looking at the carpet and avoiding Brooke’s gaze. The lack of eye contact helped Brooke. She carried on.

“You know, I used to lie in bed before I went to sleep and rehearse what I would say to you to tell you I liked you,” Brooke gave a laugh, remembering when things were more simple. “Except none of it worked out that way. And now I’ve actually got a second chance at it, I’m almost too frightened to say it. I completely fucked it with you, Vanessa. You’re an absolute one of a kind person. Your smile just makes me happy whether or not it’s directed at me. The love and loyalty you have for your friends makes me proud of you. You’re so determined and hard working and you’re smashing your degree. And you’re kind. You see the good in everyone and you’re not afraid to feel and tell the world all about it. All these things that I just…love about you. It took me being away from you and making the biggest mistake of my life, and that night when we were together like everything was back to normal, it took all of that to make me realise that I’m…fuck..”

Brooke almost hadn’t realised she was crying until a sob bubbled up in her throat, almost choking her. It was almost like her body’s survival mechanism, trying to save her from the potential rejection she might face once the words were out.

Fuck it.

“I’m in love with you. I love you so much that it scares me. It scares me more than being fucking…trapped in the library in the pitch black with no way out,” Brooke let out a hybrid of a laugh and a sob. By now, Vanessa had lifted her gaze to look at Brooke, and Brooke had shifted hers so she could protect herself from Vanessa’s reaction. “Because I don’t want to hurt you again, and you deserve better than someone like me.”

“Then don’t,” Vanessa said quietly.

“What?” Brooke whispered, confused. She tugged the sleeves of her jumper over her hands and jammed them under her eyes, used them to stop the tears from escaping.

“You said you don’t want to hurt me again. Then don’t,” Vanessa repeated patiently. Brooke blinked. She had no idea what that meant, so she went with the knowledge she had at hand.

“I love you, and you love me,” Brooke said softly, finally meeting Vanessa’s eyes. “Can we…do something with that information?”

Vanessa let out a loud blast of a laugh, making Brooke giggle even though she didn’t know what was funny. “God, that’s the most Brooke Lynn Hytes way of asking me out ever. Can we do something with that information.”

Vanessa’s smile was infectious. It lit up Brooke’s heart and she wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss her gently, to make Vanessa hers properly this time. As her smile faded though, Brooke felt her hope fade too. Vanessa let out a world-weary sigh. “Brooke, I don’t…I don’t know if I can do this all over again.”

Brooke’s heart dropped to the floor and shattered. She wanted to say something, fill the silence and reassure her, but nothing came out. She had opened up, and it had all been for nothing. This was her karma- she had broken Vanessa’s heart and now here was Vanessa breaking hers. She felt crushed. Lacking the energy to do it properly, she nodded her head once, the action small and probably barely noticeable.

It was so quiet that Brooke could hear Vanessa swallow beside her, hear her breathing deeply to calm herself down before she spoke. “You never hear it in the movies but sometimes…sometimes love isn’t enough, you know, sometimes you need to put yourself first, and sometimes the person you love ain’t necessarily the one who ends up making you happiest.”

Brooke felt her chest grow tight, felt ashamed as her head hung to the floor. She saw two tears fall from her eyes and drop onto the carpet, making identical, miniscule ponds.

“But then also,” Vanessa continued, the but aspect causing Brooke’s heart to dip and soar upwards as if it was on a rollercoaster. “I love you for a reason, don’t I? The way that you say shit that’s all sarcastic and funny. The way you make me laugh. The way you’re always blunt and truthful, and when you say nice things to me it feels like you’re just saying a fact. The way you got this childish, immature streak to you that makes everything feel like an adventure when I’m with you. You listen in the best way, ‘cause you never try an’ force advice down anyone’s throat. You’re always so concerned about everyone you care for and want them to be happy…and even though you ain’t good at expressin’ it, I know you have feelings and I know they scare you. You’re like a fuckin…model, you’re so beautiful and perfect. So that’s as simple as it has to be, right?”

Brooke looked up and saw tears in Vanessa’s own eyes. All the honesty was so raw and painful, like burnt or grazed skin, and it hurt and stung as if it was real. It was real. Brooke hid a sob, took a deep breath. “I don’t, uh. I don’t know where we take this.”

“I want to be with you. I want to love and be loved, feel my heart fuckin’…burst like it’s made of confetti,” Vanessa continued, letting out what could have been a sob or a laugh. “But I want to be happy. I don’t want to be hurt again. I’m scared.”

“I’m scared too,” Brooke nodded, feeling the tracks the tears were making down her face. She sighed, the pain in her heart too heavy for her to carry. “Fuck, maybe we’re just not meant for each other, maybe we got our chance already. Maybe nothing should come of this-”

“But, fuck, I love you, Brooke! And you love me,” Vanessa sighed in exasperation, her mascara collecting under her eyes as her own tears continued to fall. “And that…that means something.”

“I love you,” Brooke repeated, in case it counted for anything. It meant the world to her. Vanessa gave a sad smile, reached out and took Brooke’s hand and laced their fingers together. She squeezed Brooke’s hand twice, and the simple gesture made Brooke hopeful that everything was going to be okay.

“Shit, I waited so long to hear you say that and now it’s like…” Vanessa began sadly, trailing off. Brooke didn’t push her to finish her sentence. Instead, she squeezed her hand like Vanessa had done with hers. The action seemed to work as a prompt, because she spoke again, tilting her head with curiosity. “What do you want outta all this?”

Brooke knew immediately. “I want you. I want us to be us again.”

Vanessa let out a soft sigh, paused. “Okay, well. I don’t know what I want right now, Brooke. An’ it’s gonna be hard to start again. So you’re gonna need to give me time to decide.”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait for you. You can take all the time you need,” Brooke reassured her instantly. “I’ll still be here.”

Vanessa’s hand shifted in her own. Brooke watched as she frowned a little, cast her gaze her way again. "You mean that?”

“I mean it. Whatever you decide. Whether we’re worth an extra chance or not. I’ll wait for you.”

A small smile crept onto Vanessa’s face as Brooke waited for her reply. “That’s the most romantic shit anyone ever said to me.”

“Well, it’s just the truth,” Brooke muttered, feeling her cheeks grow hot and glad that the dark room would hide her pink blush. Then, getting an idea and feeling a little spark of that childishness and immaturity Vanessa seemed to love so much, Brooke let go of Vanessa’s hand and held out her other one for her to shake. The other girl looked at her, a funny, confused smile on her face as she took her hand and shook it obediently.

“Hey. I’m Brooke Lynn,” she began, trying to suppress her smile as she spoke. Vanessa giggled, falling back a little then leaning forward.

“What are you…”

“Starting again. What’s your name, beautiful?” Brooke teased, all the darkness somehow bursting into colour as Vanessa laughed beside her, swatting her on her arm with her hand. She hadn’t seen this Vanessa in so long; happy, laughing, cheerful and playful. Brooke could’ve cried with how much she’d missed her.

“This is some dumbass shit, you know that?” Vanessa giggled, but Brooke could see the blush on her own cheeks illuminated by the streetlamps outside. Vanessa appeared to see her expectant face, laughed a resigned laugh and indulged her. “Nice to meet you, Brooke. I’m Vanjie. Well, Vanessa, but everyone calls me Vanjie.”

“Can I call you Vanessa? It’s pretty. It suits you.”

Vanessa laughed again, making Brooke give a chuckle too. “Bitch! You never flirted with me this hard the first time.”

“Well the first time we were friends, so I couldn’t flirt with you. Not properly like I wanted to anyway,” Brooke laughed, taking a Dorito and throwing it at her playfully. Vanessa squealed, toppling herself out of the way. “You, on the other hand, flirted all the time.”

“I’m a flirtatious person! You shouldn’t have taken that shit personal,” Vanessa protested, attempting to look offended but unable to wipe the smile off her face.

“So Vanessa,” Brooke carried on, trying to stop herself smiling as she carried on with the charade. “What are you studying?”

They carried on like that all through the night, being silly and getting to know each other again right from the very beginning. They had missed out on so much conversation over the past few months that it was actually nice to catch up, to re-establish herself in Vanessa’s life. She was looking at graduate jobs in events management for after uni and thinking of moving home to save money. For a fleeting moment Brooke almost suggested that they move in together but she was glad she had the sense not to verbalise that, a thought that was perhaps better bottled up and saved for another time. After all, Vanessa hadn’t even decided if she wanted to be with Brooke or not yet. Brooke had to cling on to the hope that maybe she would, because she had nothing else. Well, that was a lie. She had Vanessa’s smile and her laugh, the twinkle in her eyes when Brooke made a deadpan comment. She had the way Vanessa opened up to her, told her how scared she was of trying to navigate the world on her own after she graduated. She had the way that Vanessa shuffled close to her when the sun eventually began to rise, its glow a burnt orange ombre into a soft yellow which faded into the gentle blue of the morning sky. She had the way Vanessa’s head fit perfectly into the crook of her neck as, worn out and exhausted, she closed her eyes and dozed off in Brooke’s tentative arms.

Most of all, she had the fact that Vanessa loved her, and Brooke loved her back. And even though it hadn’t been the movie scene confession Brooke had been expecting, that fact, the sunrise, and Vanessa sleeping softly against her chest was enough for her for the moment.