#i have absolutely to compassion for endgame steve

[slashtakemylife]

Me: *writes a fic piece where Bucky confronts his feelings for Steve post-Endgame and let's go and moves on while still keeping a fond memory of him*

My salty self: Now write that salty snippet of Steve coming back crawling like the fxking bastard he is but Bucky kicks him out his house and life for good.

Me: But I thought we said we would get over it in a nice note for both characters

My salty self: You can get over it too by making him regret that last fxking choice he did for life

[gffa]

I haven't read any STEVE/BUCKY FIC in the last five years or so (Endgame really burned me hard), BUT I can at least offer what I read up to that point! Most of my recs are from around when Captain America: The Winter Soldier first came out (some from before, so there's a few speculation fics) and then I was ready semi-regularly up through Inifinity War, so these may be a bit dated but also the fandom had some ABSOLUTE BANGER fics from that era! I mostly read from about 2014 to 2019 and I can't say how well many of these held up, but I know my tastes haven't changed that much, so there should hopefully be something for anyone interested here! Anyway, I think I'm finally Not As Mad As I Once Was enough to read fic again/celebrate the 10th anniversary of TWS, but also let's be clear. I will forever hold a grudge about what Marvel did with Steve and Bucky post-TWS, that was bullshit from start to finish. ESPECIALLY the finish, oh my god okay so I'm still Actually That Mad and-- NO, OKAY, HAVE SOME FIC RECS BEFORE I MELT DOWN AGAIN.

CAPTAIN AMERICA FIC RECS YOU'LL FIND HERE:

STEVE/BUCKY SHIP FICS

STEVE/BUCKY - PRE-THE WINTER SOLDIER SPECULATION

STEVE/BUCKY - POST-THE WINTER SOLDIER

STEVE/BUCKY - POST-INFINITY WAR

STEVE & BUCKY-CENTRIC FICS (WITH A LITTLE OF EVERYONE ELSE, TOO)

STEVE&BUCKY&CAST - POST-THE WINTER SOLDIER

CAPTAIN AMERICA: STEVE/BUCKY FIC RECS: ✦ Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Take Me In by victoria_p (musesfool), steve rogers/bucky barnes + natasha romanoff, reunion fic, 4.1k Bucky finds himself, and then he finds Steve. ✦ you got blood on your hands (and i know it’s mine) by nighimpossible, steve rogers/bucky barnes + natasha romanoff + brief mention of sam wilson/natasha romanoff, suicidal ideation, 2.9k Bucky refuses to see Steve after his deprogramming. ✦ take all you can carry by havisham, steve/bucky & cast, 2.4k    Bucky Barnes reassembles himself to a reasonable degree and makes romantic overtures to one Steve Rogers. It’s happened before and will happen again. ✦ I’d Know That Face Anywhere by Shay081793, steve/bucky, NSFW, divergent timeline, 2.7k The 107th never got captured. Instead, Bucky Barnes is in the audience when that clown "Captain America" performs to rally the troops, and holy shit, that clown is Steve Rogers. ✦ and we are finally home by springsoldier (ladydaredevil), sam & bucky + steve/bucky + implied sam/natasha + implied bucky/natasha, 7.3k The Winter Soldier shows up in Sam's kitchen, one morning. He deals with it. (Natasha helps. Steve would, if they let him.) ✦ Capture the Flag by Shiny_n_new, steve/bucky + sam, dark au, 9.4k wip Bucky has always been willing to do Captain America’s dirty work. This was no different. Sometimes, the day isn’t won by high ideals or bravery or compassion. Sometimes, it’s won by monsters. ✦ Memories are Made of This by eleveninches, steve/bucky & natasha & sam, 13.2k Nearly a year after turning himself into SHIELD and the Avengers, Bucky struggles to find himself in the 21st century. Unfortunately, no one told him about the aliens.

✦ but hey, you’re all right by beardsley, steve/bucky + other marvel characters, 5.5k Yes, this is the story where the Winter Soldier is a Russian mail-order bride. Everything goes about as well as you’d expect. ✦ I Left Myself in 1943 (Who the hell is Bucky?) by originalblue, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + other marvel characters, 21k You have a mission, but your mind is being split in two, and there's a man on the bridge, and you know him. You don't know why, but you know him. ✦ sam deserves better than these assholes by lazulisong, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + other marvel characters, 18k IM SORRY BUT SAM WILSON STARING IN BAFFLED WONDER AT STEVE AND BUCKY AND HOW WEIRD THEY ARE ABOUT EACH OTHER ✦ broken pieces (the rough edges remix) by legete, steve/bucky, 2.1k It’s wrong, he knows it’s wrong, but sometimes Bucky prefers the nightmares that actually happened. ✦ Talk Dirty to Me by PeetaPan, steve/bucky, NSFW, wall sex, 2.5k Steve spends months tracking Bucky down, and when he eventually find him, it’s in a nightclub in Europe. ✦ the body adrift by Febricant, steve/bucky + sam, mildy nsfw, 4.2k Steve has no drawings of Bucky from before. Those are all gone, destroyed in the war or by his own hand; it wouldn’t do for anyone to see how easily the details came from memory, how often Bucky was in his thoughts. ✦ Tony Stark and the Illegal Cross-Country Road Trip from Hell by ActionAddiction, steve/bucky + tony + sam + clint + natasha + fury, 21.8k wip A stir-crazy genius, a secretly sentimental assassin, two soldiers lost in time, and an undercover archer without an identity zigzag across the continental United States in Fury’s stolen van. Or: How Bucky Met Steve (Again)

✦ Didn’t know I was lonely till I saw your face by gunboots, steve/bucky + bucky/natasha + sam + bruce + tony + xavier, 2.9k There are words on paper, actors in movies, and a grand story that fills a whole corner of a museum defined by history. There are words, there are pictures, there are movies, but they’re limited, fragmented. They can’t do justice to the sniper that Captain America trusted, the man that grew into a boy in the streets of Brooklyn with his best friend at his side. The man that could be James Buchanan Barnes leaves a legacy that is barely defined. The man that Steve Rogers says he is. ✦ the inaccuracy of historical wartime dramas by Mici (noharlembeat), steve/bucky + sam + natasha, 3k (or: Steve has feelings, and shouldn’t ever watch television) ✦ The Shape I’m In by radialarch, steve/bucky, 2.6k [AU where Bucky never fell.] They win the war. Steve and Bucky come home and deal with their feelings. ✦ дорогой by smilebackwards, steve/bucky + other marvel characters, canon divergence, 1.8k “Are you goddamn kidding me?” Fury asks when Steve shows up to the rendezvous point in Fredericksberg with the Winter Soldier. ✦ have you ever thought just maybe by Desdemon, steve/bucky + tony/pepper + other marvel characters, humor, 4.4k “JARVIS,” Tony called thoughtfully. “Yes, sir?” “Those young people are in love,” he said. ✦ Use Your Damn Words by wilddragonflying, steve/bucky, NSFW, omegaverse, 4.2k There’s murmuring, indistinct voices, all around him; all he catches, at first, are the occasional words. “—mated.” “—no difference—“ “—make him forget—“ That’s when Bucky starts fighting. ✦ It’s an Adequate Life, Bucky Barnes by what_alchemy, steve/bucky, it’s a wonderful life fusion, 10.2k This is a world without Bucky Barnes.

✦ and it starts just where the light exists by caughtinanocean, steve/bucky, mildly nsfw, 3.4k In which Bucky can’t admit the things he needs, but Steve knows them anyway, and Steve and Bucky are definitely a couple, even if they don’t know it. ✦ tango till they’re sore by sciencemyfiction, steve/bucky, nsfw, 4k Four shorts about Steve and Bucky, and romance, and sex, and dominance, and grief, and forgiveness. ✦ Permission by derekstilinski, steve/bucky + other marvel characters, 2.5k After Bucky’s captured by SHIELD, they put him in a holding cell, and strip him of everything but his clothes. He’s dirty, damaged, and Steve can’t just watch him like that, protocol or not. ✦ Milkshakes & Penguin Suits by TheLocket, steve/bucky, fluff, 2.9k At the latest Stark party, Steve and Bucky share a milkshake — and spend the evening together. ✦ Practical Mathematics by Grey_Bard, steve/bucky + steve/peggy + steve/peggy/bucky + tony, 1.7k After a hard shift saving the world, Stark - in his infinite wisdom - has decided to bond with Steve by talking about his favorite subject. Well, third favorite, after building things and smart-mouthing people. Steve is pretty sure none of his experiences really count. Tony is starting to wonder what Steve’s definition of “is” is. ✦ how happy must be angels thus employed by lanyon , steve/bucky + clint/coulson, mildly nsfw, humor, 2k It begins entirely accidentally. Clint walks in on Bucky and Steve in a compromising position and then Bucky escalates by tapping a private line between Clint and Phil. Also known as The One With The Cock-Blocking Competition (and it’s all fun and games until Phil and Steve find out.) ✦ Fate by grumpyowls, steve/bucky + peggy, 2.1k Bucky finds a drawing and it turns out to mean something more than he thought.

✦ One More Time by DevBasaa, steve/bucky, pre-serum, ~1k Steve’s clueless and Bucky’s not yet ready to acknowledge these feelings. But that doesn’t stop him from having them. Set before Bucky ships out, but after Steve receives his A1. ✦ Bucky and Bear by fromgoodbones, steve/bucky, fluffy, ~1k Steve gets Bucky a cat. ✦ Size Isn’t A Problem by bondboy68, steve/bucky, NSFW, 1.8k It’s the first time Bucky has seen Steve naked in some seventy-odd years, and things have definitely changed.

STEVE/BUCKY - PRE-THE WINTER SOLDIER SPECULATION:

✦ devil’s gonna follow me (wherever I go) by Lyaka, steve/bucky & natasha & cast, the winter soldier speculation, 63k The man who used to be Bucky Barnes lined up his shot. His finger twitched, only once, very precisely. Help me, the bullet sang. Ninety-eight floors below him, the bullet glanced off a vibranium shield with a musical ping. And Steve Rogers looked up. ✦ And it felt like a kiss by orphan_account, steve /bucky & natasha & sam, the winter soldier spoilers, ~1k We can’t stop feeling Winter Soldier feelings. And neither can Bucky or Steve. ✦ testament by paxlux, steve/bucky + other marvel characters, the winter soldier speculation fic, 10.6k His memory runs backwards in crooked bright flashes, hard as the noise flare of an assault rifle. ✦ persistence of memory by hollimichele, steve/bucky/natasha, NSFW, the winter soldier speculation, 11.5k It’s a nondescript sort of a Wednesday morning when the Winter Soldier walks into SHIELD headquarters, bold as brass, and announces his intention to surrender. ✦ To Be Modified As Necessary by ignipes, steve/bucky & bucky/natasha & clint/natasha & thor/jane & avengers, the winter soldier speculation, 5.9k They only need ten rules to ensure (relatively) peaceful cohabitation. ✦ lights at two dollars a strand by legete, steve/bucky + tony, the winter soldier speculation, 1.4k They don’t mean to decorate for Christmas. It just sorta…happens.

STEVE/BUCKY - POST-THE WINTER SOLDIER: ✦ Out of the Dead Land by orphan_account, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + nick fury + other marvel characters, nsfw in one scene at the end, 62.7k Someone is building machines that look and act like people. Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier tries to be Bucky Barnes. ✦ this is a back alley by saintsideways, steve/bucky & natasha & sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 14.2k Here is the only thing you know: the body remembers. ✦ your blue-eyed boys by Feather (lalaietha), steve/bucky & cast, 123.3k Steve has no plan. Not because he hadn't tried to make one. He'd tried to make lots of plans. Plan, adapt, plan again, tried to think of every contingency. [post-Winter Soldier recovery fic] ✦ The man on the bridge by boopboop, steve/bucky & tony/pepper & clint/natasha & cast, 107.5k Steve Rogers turning up at Tony's door with an amnesiac assassin - who may or may not have some of Tony's personally designed hardware attached where his arm should be - well that's just far too interesting to turn away, even if Tony is trying to avoid all things S.H.I.E.L.D these days. ✦ Soft Spot for the Hell Raisin’ Boy by ifeelbetter, sam & bucky + steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, (some) humor, 1.9k The Winter Soldier takes an interest in Sam Wilson. Bucky Barnes wants to tell him how to be Steve Rogers’s best friend. ✦ Reconstruction Site by EmilianaDarling, steve/bucky + sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 7.6k He is the Winter Soldier. He is James Buchanan Barnes. He’s not one and he’s not the other, and he’s not sure if that makes him anything worth saving. In which the Winter Soldier leads Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson on a wild goose chase through Eastern Europe so that he can learn more about the man who actually thinks he can be saved.

✦ hold me tight by hollimichele, bucky/steve + sam + natasha, nsfw, the winter soldier spoilers, 11.1k In the old days, before the war, Steve got cold at night. That was all it was, at first. ✦ A Bullet in the Barrel (of your best guy’s gun) by lc2l, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, canon divergence (sort of), violence, 6k You return to the concrete hole in the ground where the mission is not dead and not in the sewers and is looking at you. “Bucky,” says Rogers, Steve (deceased). ✦ Sleeperhold by Argyle, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 3.2k He’s hardwired to disappear. ✦ lost my fear of falling by ftmsteverogers, steve/bucky + natasha + sam, 1.8k “It’s been two weeks,” Natasha says, pressing a coffee cup into Steve’s hand. “How long are we going to do this?” Steve watches the steam curl into question marks above his cup. “I know he’s still in there,” he says, and that’s that. ✦ but the fires are coming by stitchingatthecircuitboard, steve/bucky + bucky & natasha, the winter soldier spoilers, 4k He does not remember, except that is better than being made to forget, again, and again, and again. He does not go to Brooklyn. ✦ we did not make ourselves by M_Leigh, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + tony, the winter soldier spoilers, 25.1k It is like steel, the determination inside of you that tells you you will achieve this, that you will find him. Nothing will stop you. You are two sides of the same coin, you and he: he cannot escape you forever. Bucky runs. Steve follows. ✦ measured my life in cooking lessons by FoxGlade, steve/bucky + clint + avengers, fluff, the winter soldier spoilers, 4k He knocks on Clint’s door, sharp and loud, and half a minute later Clint is standing there in boxers and a baggy Army Rangers shirt. “Morning,” Steve says shortly, before Clint can say anything. “You up to teaching me how to make those French toasts? I think I need to talk.” Clint yawns and stretches. Something in his back makes a loud cracking sound and Steve winces. “Yeah, I’m up,” he mumbles, then squints. “This is going to be a long cooking lesson, isn’t it?” “I found Bucky sitting outside the tower on the street when I went out for a jog and he remembered me but I’m pretty sure that’s all he remembers.” Clint just waves a hand and heads for the kitchen, Steve shuffling in his wake.

✦ and we are finally home by lastembers, sam & bucky + steve/bucky + sam/natasha, 7.3k The Winter Soldier shows up in Sam’s kitchen, one morning. He deals with it. (Natasha helps. Steve would, if they let him.) ✦ Circling Back by chaya, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + tony, the winter soldier spoilers, 59.6k Steve looks for Bucky, Bucky finds Steve, Steve tries desperately to put Bucky back together. Bucky tries desperately to let him. ✦ your favorite ghost by augustbird, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 21k It’s harder than Steve ever expected to bring Bucky home. ✦ Green-Eyed Monster by storiesfortravellers, steve/bucky + steve & tony + steve & sam + bucky & natasha, humor, 1.9k The Winter Soldier has joined the team and is slowly recovering, but he goes into a jealous rage whenever he sees that Steve is close friends with Tony, Sam, or Natasha. Past Steve/Bucky. ✦ Castor and Pollux by StringTheori, howard stark & steve + steve/bucky, mild the winter soldier spoilers, 2.9k A fic where Howard is emotionally constipated, a terrible human being, catches someone doing something, and brushes off friendships because he can. ✦ Find My Way by Brenda, steve/bucky + oc pov, the winter soldier spoilers, 4.6k Well, someone had to write the post-Winter Soldier fic where Bucky gets a decent meal and some homemade apple pie, right?

✦ Parallel Constructions by freshbakedlady, steve/bucky + sam + natasha, the winter soldier spoilers, 13.6k In the absence of orders, the man wearing the face of Bucky Barnes must figure out who he will be. The answer, mostly, is “somebody Steve Rogers can love.” Nothing so easy should ever take this much work. ✦ five people bucky barnes never was. by rhllors, steve/bucky + bucky/natasha, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.9k Five lives that never came to pass. ✦ no heart to recall by KiaraSayre, steve/bucky & sam & natasha & tony, the winter soldier spoilers, 15.3k He’s been in Steve Rogers’s company for less than twenty-four hours and he’s already losing sight of his mission. ✦ Bring Us Back a Souvenir by newredshoes, steve/bucky & sam & bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.5k Even with all his hair hacked off, he doesn’t look like a Bucky, Sam thinks. Maybe as some sort of stupid joke, like naming your most vicious dog Sweetpea. Steve’s told him the stories, and he’s seen the old newsreels; he knows what this Barnes guy used to be like. But it’s not like knowing what to look for is going to magically make some spark rise to the top. This isn’t an excavation. ✦ i will be your ground by misprinting, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 4.7k A character study. The subject: Bucky’s hair. (Also, a Bucky comes in from the cold fic.) ✦ Debts by vestigialwords, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, ~1k Steve’s life is a collection of debts, and the balance does not work out in his favor. ✦ Five times Steve kissed Bucky by paragon, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 16.5k (+ once, finally, it was the other way around) ✦ Run Until the Road Runs Out by ignipes, steve/bucky + sam & bucky + natasha, the winter soldier spoilers, 5.2k Sam’s along for this ride because he’s not about to let Steve Rogers go it alone, but Steve’s not the only one who needs a friend.

✦ And you that shall cross from shore to shore years hence, are more to me by ifeelbetter, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 4.4k The Captain woke quickly and tested the chain before he saw the Soldier. All the tension in his body evaporated once he met the Soldier’s eyes and he slumped downward, back up against the wall. “Oh, thank god,” he said. He repeated it twice, quiet. Like a secret. ✦ Your Mind Rings by Amberly, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.2k You aren’t Bucky. You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore, either, but you’re not Bucky ✦ tabula rasa by dance_at_bougival, steve/bucky + natasha + sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 10.3k Bucky Barnes screamed himself hoarse on that table and screamed falling off that train. He screamed when they programmed him and screamed and screamed until he isn’t Bucky Barnes anymore, not really. He is still screaming, a trapped rat running around a labyrinthine machine, clawing at the doors and running into dead ends. He has been screaming for seventy years. ✦ The Age’s Most Uncertain Hour by dewinter, steve/bucky + peggy, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.8k Five times the Winter Soldier remembered (and then forgot). ✦ The Steven G. Rogers Guide to What You Missed the Last Few Years by what_alchemy, steve/bucky, humor, 5.1k Steve’s got the hang of this 21st century thing. ✦ All the First Times by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse), steve/bucky + other marvel characters, the winter soldier spoilers, 9.6k Bucky starts over and finds new ways to survive. ✦ Me Against Your Memory (It’s a Two-Step Recovery Process) by thisiswhatthewatergaveme, steve/bucky + steve & natasha + steve & sam + natasha & sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 56.5k wip The Soldier needs answers. It’s the only mission he has left. And the mission is all he has.

✦ Make It Up as We Go Along by hannahrhen, steve/bucky + natasha + sam, mildly nsfw, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.6k Steve’s a terrible liar when he opens his mouth. ✦ What’s in a name by Ark, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 3.4k Steve doesn’t resist. He is dipped back: a dance. “Bucky,” says Steve. The severely serene surface does not stir. “You will answer the questions I ask.” The Soldier’s voice is Bucky’s but the accent is all wrong. His face is Bucky’s, perfect, and all wrong. ✦ Drawn From Life by littlerhymes, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 2.5k “I remember,” Bucky says, but that’s not entirely true. Set after The Winter Soldier.

STEVE/BUCKY - POST-INFINITY WAR: ✦ Coming Back by Emotionallyunstabl, entire cast (some steve/bucky), infinity war spoilers, 1.9k    Fixing Avengers: Infinity War. ✦ How ya been, Buck? by dvorahbee, steve/bucky, NSFW, infinity war spoilers, 2.3k    A fix-it for Bucky and Steve’s reunion because I wasn’t too happy with that half-assed reunion we had. ✦ hold some dirt with those hands by magdaliny, steve/bucky & cast, infinity war spoilers, 3k    It had sent him to his knees. ✦ To Never Have Loved At All by hitlikehammers, steve/bucky & cast, infinity war spoilers, 2.8k    Steve will say they had work to do, and a universe to put to rights. They had people to find and hearts to unbreak. They had a mission. There was no time for any of them to mourn. Steve, as it turns out, says a lot of things that are mostly bullshit.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: STEVE&BUCKY GEN FIC RECS: ✦ This, You Protect by owlet, steve & bucky & everyone else, humor, 64.3k The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect ✦ By Choice or By Habit by Sholio, steve & bucky & natasha & clint & tony, 6.4k He is useful. He holds onto that. He is useful and a useful tool will not be thrown away. (For illumynare’s request: How about something with Bucky realizing the Avengers actually think of him as a person? And off I went to the utterly shameless h/c place.) ✦ 5 (+1) Times Bucky Was Already a Supersoldier by chaya, steve & bucky, 1k Erskine made it plain for Steve - the serum makes you stronger, faster, harder to kill, and it amplifies your existing qualities. Barnes, though, didn’t get any such heads up. ✦ Thaw by danveresque, steve & bucky & sam & natasha, 7.5k The Winter Soldier tries to find Bucky Barnes. ✦ Brothers In Arms by copperbadge, steve & bucky & sam & sam & tony & pepper & clint + background tony/pepper, 11.4k Bucky Barnes gets a tune-up, a new pet, and a home. ✦ You Know How I Feel, aka, The Adventures of Bucky and Muffy the Dinosaur by ifeelbetter, bucky & avengers, fluff, 4.5k Bucky saved a tiny dinosaur and took her home to Avengers Tower and on the way remembered how to laugh and sleep in soft beds. ✦ Strawberries in Wintertime by Sholio, steve & bucky & sam & natasha & sharon, 3.2k Or, how Sam’s apartment turns into a hangout for superheroes, spies, and rogue assassins. ✦ This Lonely Hour Before Daybreak by cheesethesecond, steve & bucky + sam + natasha, 2.9k Steve knew there would be good days and bad days. That’s how this sort of thing worked. Except sometimes, the bad days go like this.

✦ Almond, Clavicle, Orchid by kvikindi, steve & bucky & sam & natasha, 4.5k You say, “I don’t know what I am.” “It’s okay not to know,” Steve tells you. His face is very careful. But you know. You know that it’s not okay. ✦ you can’t fly on dinosaurs, bucky by scorpionbythesea, steve & bucky & clint, humor, 1.2k Based off the tumblr post by embracingthemadness and the tag that followed: steve and bucky making up random stories from their past and convincing the other avengers that it actually happened (◡‿◡✿) #there’s no way you guys fought nazi dinosaurs ✦ Fly on the Wings of Love by Omnicat, steve & bucky & sam & natasha & tony & clint + some background pairings, domesticity, 13.2k The Wings: Bucky just wants to show his appreciation for everything Sam has done for Steve. Of course, Tony Stark’s middle name is ‘needlessly difficult’. The Love: Bucky tries to set Natasha up with Sam. He’s a bit late for that party, but he managed to find Steve’s shield and replace Sam’s wings: he’ll come up with something for her. ✦ Swap by sparkles_stars, steve & bucky + avengers, body swap, 1.2k Steve and Bucky switch bodies. Nothing of substance happens from that moment on. ✦ Escape by Sholio, steve & bucky, 2.4k Missing scene for Captain America: The First Avenger – freeing the prisoners was just the start of getting away. ✦ think of it as personality dialysis by KiaraSayre, bucky & darcy, humor, 1.4k “I strangled someone with a shoelace once,” Barnes says. “Does that count as expressing myself through clothes?” “Uh, no.”

✦ Name, Rank, and Serial Number by forthegreatergood, steve & bucky + other marvel characters, 1.5k A Nazi peeling off his skin and declaring himself beyond human doesn’t even get a rise out of him anymore, but Bucky doesn’t think he could stand it if Steve ripped off his face, too. ✦ The Dawn of That Last Great Day by ignipes, steve & bucky + avengers + minor pairing references, the winter soldier speculation fic, 13.8k The Winter Soldier has a mission: kill Captain America. ✦ All The Leaves Are Brown (And the sky is gray) by AvocadoLove, bucky & tony + some tony/pepper + very mildly implied steve/bucky, 17.4k The Winter Soldier's mission is nearly complete. Howard and Maria Stark are dead, leaving him to dispatch their four-year-old child. One quick twist of the neck is all it will take, but the Soldier finds he cannot do it. So instead of killing Tony Stark, the Winter Soldier takes him away to raise as his own.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: STEVE&BUCKY&CAST - POST-THE WINTER SOLDIER: ✦ so this is how it is by sciencemyfiction, steve & bucky & sam, the winter soldier spoilers, ptsd, 29.1k Following the events of the Winter Soldier film, Steve and Sam finally find Bucky, and work to get back to a good place. ✦ On Your Left by TravelingRoses, steve & bucky & natasha & sam & tony thor & fury peggy, the winter soldier spoilers, 12.9k Five times someone told Steve to give up looking for Bucky and two times someone didn’t. Alternately, five times someone smacked Steve on the head and said “Don’t do the thing” and he continued doing the thing and two times he listened so he could keep doing the thing. ✦ and i have fought (in flesh and blood) by ChristinasInferno, steve & bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.1k “He is Bucky Barnes and his best friend is Steve Rogers, and Steve Rogers is Captain America.” Bucky, post-Winter Soldier. ✦ The Care and Feeding of Traumatized Ex-Assassins by Sholio, steve & bucky + natasha + sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 6.6k Steve starts to notice someone’s been in his apartment while he’s not there. Set after Winter Soldier; spoilers. ✦ Glass of Milk by Lauralot, bucky & avengers, the winter soldier spoilers, 6.6k In which in the Winter Soldier is in the care of the Avengers. He has yet to regain his memories, but he has developed a fondness for dairy products.

[digital-chance]

steve rogers - a brief (nonsensical) character study/analysis

so i rewatched all the mcu movies with steve roger in them using this lovely youtube video. spoilers for the entire things! consider this your warning.

here's my takeaways in no particular order:

he still wears the same clothing style he wore pre-ice. often button ups, work boots, plain denim jeans, sometimes a leather jacket (often brown). later on in the mcu he started wearing plaid flannels which is funny to me because he does not give a SHIT about modern fashion. give him his old man clothes please and ty. adorable.

marvel did not give the man much character development. they said he's going to go through war and hell and death and fuckery of emotions. sure he's going to learn how to move on but that's off screen and don't really expect much change fuckers. this fucking pisses me off if you can't tell. he's such a long-time character with so many areas where he could be developed and marvel just said fuck that he's an "old man and a soldier with some funny moments" and that's all you're getting.

also he had 5 minutes MAX of screentime in infinity wars :(((( fucking hate that give my man justice

he's so funny????? and so fucking sassy???? like how did I not know this???? love the guy

he broods a ton when he's sad and cracks jokes to cheer others up when they're sad. very sweet but I feel like that marvel could have expanded on this in some way.

he's also very acrobatic which is somehow surprising to me but also at the same time it makes sense??? idk man but you do your flips bbg

also love the way they planned his fights. they really use his full body. reminds me of old greek and roman statues with the flexing muscles. (those are my favorites statues if you can't tell) it's satisfying to watch and I want to draw it or make a statue of him now tyvm.

in endgame tony started talking about his ass which sparked an entertaining side tangent. like you really didn't need to???? but I'll take it. i forgot that steve called HIS OWN ass the "ass of America." I was in and still am in shock from this whole situation.

when he met his other self (or smth I don't remember) in endgame one of the last things he said to other steve was "bucky is alive" (see points below). interesting how seeing the compass with peggy didn't phase other steve much.... also that fight is fucking ridiculous 1000/10

he says so much romantic/gay shit about bucky??? like "even when I had nothing I had bucky." very angsty and homoerotic I love it

the ending with peggy and him being old is plotted so shittily. literal garbage. i wouldn't have minded him being with peggy at all (love her sm btw don't mistake this for me hating her) if they had done it right and given cap a plausible reason and justification for him staying. sure, he misses her. sure, visiting her. but wouldn't staying with her fuck up everything??? literally everything????? like the avengers wouldn't exist everything????????? FUCK that ending.

not exactly fully cap/steve but chris evan's shoulder to waist ratio is absolutely delectable. love that they highlight that with the suits designs.

also what the fuck was infinity wars when he had a fucking beard and longer hair??? loved it but it kind of came out of left field. plus he looked a little silly fighting with the long hair bc it kept getting in his face. you would've thought that he would wear a helmet during that fight but Not Today ig...

last point I promise. but the romance with sharon carter (i forgot her name but i think that's it) was GROSS. whats her face is peggy's GRANDDAUGHTER. so now that he's too old for peggy he had to go for her granddaughter?????? YUCK. especially so because he went to peggy ANYWAYS in the mcu. to the comic writers and marvel: stop. that's fucking gross and quite honestly unneeded.

kind of a serious man with some unexpected twists, like the humor. and that was just the MOVIES. fucking hate some parts of the comics. (why are there so many universes ughhhhh) love steve though what an interesting fellow. might add on more thoughts later if i remember/want to.

[peterman-spideyparker]

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms Tag

I’ve been tagged a lot by so many wonderful people for this, and I’ve finally remembered!!! Thank you to @pastafossa @little-miss-dilf-lover @hailey-murdock @theradioactivespidergwen as always🥰🥰

Matt Murdock

My current obsession, my sweet little baby. He needs all the hugs and all the love. I’d let him do pretty unspeakable things to me. It also made me put two and two together that he was one of my first loves (Tristan in Stardust).

Loki Laufeyson

Oh, Loki, you will always hold a very special place in my heart. Mischievous in every possible way. All I want is to braid your hair and kiss your head. A hurt soul that just wants to be loved—and you always will be in my fics and in my writing world.

Steve Rogers

One of my men out of time that just wants peace, and the first character I really started to write a lot of fics for—some won’t ever be posted, others in my old, long-deleted blog from middle/high school. A strong moral compass that guides him toward after sacrifice in his search for calm, and even with his ending in Endgame, I still don’t feel that he truly got it. Deserves better.

Bucky Barnes

My other man out of time in search for peace. Emotional scar tissue as thick as his stubborn head. Deserves the world ten times over, and will always be loved in my fics.

Foggy Nelson

My sweetheart. My golden retriever. My hype man. My guy to always tell it straight. Absolutely precious, and one of my favorite characters to write. I definitely need to write him more and write for him more.

Steven Grant/Marc Spector/Jake Lockley

Deserve all the kisses. I have so much fun writing for them and exploring their personalities, and I don’t think there’s much I wouldn’t give for one of their hugs and more.

Pietro Maximoff

The first man I wrote a little fanfic blurb for. Oh, how you opened up a new world for me. I owe you a great debt, and you deserved far better than what Marvel did to you.

Peter Parker

My first favorite superhero from when I was like four. Don’t make me choose which incarnation of him is my favorite. He’s just a lil guy. Look at him. He’s too pure for this world.

Frank Castle

I didn’t get it for a while, but now I do. I’m not gonna elaborate on that, so use your imagination on that.

Clark Kent

I have a thing for the morally gray, but I have just as big of a thing for the himbo/golden retriever men. Clark is the golden retriever energy I deserve. Don’t even get me started about how bad I had it for him when I was like eight watching these reruns.

Tags to keep the fun going: @chvoswxtch @bellaxgiornata @counsellormurdock @babygrlmurdock

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

Well personally I'm glad Steve got to leave with his character intact before being rewritten into a one note snark machine

Oh I would love to agree with you that he left with his characterization intact but I don't think he did at all. Endgame is such a disaster that they managed to ruin almost every scene he is in.

Starting with the beginning when Stark is giving that Hydra speech but Steve is not allowed to say anything other than "well that didn't work out, did it". Dude, Stark is saying civil rights are frivolous things that we should give up in order to gain in security. That's the Red Skull, that's Zola, that shit is straight from Hydra. There's no way in hell Steve would have stayed quiet during that speech.

Then the therapy scene where he's being insincere to the people there, talking about a woman who died ages ago and not mentioning neither Bucky or Sam or Wanda, people who he did share his life with under the most dire of circumstances.

Next is Natasha having to lead the remaining Avengers on her own because Steve is out doing... what exactly? Nothing that's what. Clint is MIA killing people like it's a hobby, the world is trying to recover and find a way to start the economy or whatever's left of it, but Steve wants nothing to do with that, doesn't even bother to help Nat - and what's worse he tells her to stop?!! That perhaps the work doesn't need to be done?!! I'm sorry WHAT?!

Then Scott returns and Nat shows more compassion that he does, not to mention the way he talks to Bruce or how he looks at Thor with contempt. That's not my Steve at all.

And to sum it up because this is getting long already everyone comes back and he has one conversation with Bucky after 5 years in which he tells him he's going back, and I suppose we should be thankful he at least spoke to him because he said nothing to Sam even though Sam risked absolutely everything to help him time and time again, and then he leaves which makes no sense whatsoever to his character or his arc or who he is at all.

So yeah they didn't turn him into a Stark or Quill 2.0 whose entire vocabulary is 95% snarky comments but what they did to him wasn't much better.

[pdaliceliveblogs]

Well, that’s a hell of a note to end on. An eerie, silent flight.

That was… a lot. Very endgame. I’m sorry, I’m very scattered right now, it’s been a weird-ass day.

I’m terrified for Eda. The last time we saw her, she was about to get branded, and Raine looked really freaked out. Who the fuck knows where that’s going. They do seem to be going back and forth on whether or not it’s a suicide mission, but I’m willing to give that the benefit of the doubt and say it’s the characters who have differing views on that, not the writers. I’m glad Steve was able to be helpful— I’d straight up forgotten that as an EC scout he has access to all magic. He’s been a doozy side character so long I forgot he’s a little OP, ha.

I’m glad Hunter is back in contact with Darius, that makes me kind of relieved for both of them, but at the same time I’m very worried for everyone so no amount of relief can really carry that off y’know

I would be remiss not to talk about THE KISS but at the same time I’m not sure what to say besides that it absolutely delighted me. I may actually come back and write a better episode wrap up when I’m less, uh, 80% anxiety by volume. Sorry it has been a weird day. I love them though. I love how smooth the animation got for that, how it was unplanned (on their parts I mean, not the show’s) and mind-blowing for them while at the same time being super normal.

As for Alador and Odalia… hmm. I would have been fine if they remained evil and in love, I would have been fine if they remained evil and split up. I would have really, really liked it if they’d been evil and in love and then Alador’s starting to develop a moral compass split them apart; that would have been a really tasty dynamic. It’s the thing where it’s suddenly written as though they were never actually a happy couple and she was always more of a boss than a wife that bugs me. If that had been the dynamic they set up from the start I would have rolled with it, I just feel like we were teased with something much more complex and then it fell through? Hmm.

The way that they’re written now, though, hell yeah Alador, good going. You repair those relationships with your kids. Including, uh, letting your twins out of max-security grounding before you take off on an airship with their baby sister, okay?

God. Yeah. I’m a mess right now sorry this wrap up is also a mess. Very good episode with one big writing decision that bugged me. Yeah.

[egcdeath]

for old times’ sake

summary: steve stands trial in the TVA. you are not pleased.

word count: 2.5k

warnings: implied cheating and abandonment, endgame, inaccurate court procedures, angst, hurt/comfort

author’s note: this was supposed to be a crack fic. i don’t know where things went wrong. anyway, huge thanks to @syntheticavenger for helping me organize my thoughts.  **this was written after episode one, so if information changes about the tva sorry in advance! 

you can find my masterlist and taglist here

When you began your day, you hadn’t expected it to end in this position.

Not in the past, revisiting the moments your teammates had stolen Infinity Stones from. That, you’d expected. In fact, you and Steve had been preparing for the journey back for a solid few days— planning rendezvous points and backup routes if absolutely necessary.

What you hadn’t expected was to be sitting in the courtroom of some sort of cosmic bureaucracy, watching an animated clock giving you a brief rundown of the very nature of time while you anxiously awaited the trial of your fiancé for ‘crimes against the Sacred Timeline’.

You cracked your knuckles while observing the ternary of obscenely large, beige statues, trying your best not to look at the woman to your right, the woman you’d only seen on old black and white film footage, and in the pocket compass of your lover.

You could feel the slightest hint of sweat beginning to precipitate on your palms as your mind ran wild with hypotheticals that could’ve led to this very moment. You ran through the events that preceded your abduction by the Time Variance Authority.

“Are you sure this is the best idea?” you asked, holding the suitcase containing only the Tesseract closer to your body. 

“I’m sure. I know my way around Camp Lehigh, and I really don’t want to risk putting you, or the mission in any more danger than I have to. Besides, you’ve got Nat. Worry about getting her home safely.”

“Steve-” you began to protest.

“Hey, trust me,” the look in his eyes practically ordered you to put your faith in him. It was the same look that he’d given you before hundreds of risky missions, the look that convinced you not to sign the Sokovia Accords, the gaze that had always seemed to be able to melt away your fears and insecurities. Steve reached for your hand, and the knot in your stomach loosened. “This was my Plan A. I promise I’ll be back before you know it.”

You allowed your shoulders to drop while you squeezed his hand, taking a deep breath as you mulled over Steve’s words. “Fine,” you conceded, “but I’m gonna be pissed if something bad happens to you.”

“I love you,” Steve spoke with a hint of finality that you could only catch with the wisdom of hindsight. He kissed your interlaced fingers before pressing his lips to yours, a moment you wished you’d savored just a moment longer.

“I love you too. Seriously, don’t do something stupid in the past,” you quipped with the hint of a smile, attempting to mask the sense of dread creeping onto you.

“I’ll try my best,” Steve suited up along with you and Nat. Before you even had the chance to utter another word to Steve, he was gone.

Pressing the buttons on your suits, you arrived back at the platform in the back of the Compound.

You only really had a moment to celebrate, pulling away from you hug with Sam only to be met with a reflective rectangular prism along with three rather displeased looking agents. 

“Y/N L/N, on behalf of the Time Variance Authority you are being summoned as a witness for crimes against the Sacred Timeline.”

“All rise,” the voice of some sort of officer forced your mind to stop wandering, pulling you back into the moment as you rose to your feet. “You may be seated.”

“We’re here today for Case 7-20-91 regarding crimes against the Sacred Timeline. Mr. Rogers, how do you plead?”

“...not guilty?” Steve said, clearly unsure of exactly what had gone wrong.

Judge Renslayer nodded, looking down at her files, then back up to the courtroom, “alright. Shall we take a look at your file?”

The question was certainly rhetorical, as she was already producing a small projector and working on displaying the footage to the rest of the room.

You watched with wary curiosity as the tape went through a play-by-play of Steve’s misdeeds in creating a branch timeline. Picking up with him bidding you farewell, you watched as he made his way through Camp Lehigh in a cool and calculated manner. He managed to get into the basement, returning the Tesseract to its proper place within the basement of the facility. 

You took a deep breath and hoped that was the end of the tape. That Steve had taken a wrong turn and was about to run into someone, and that had caused a minor branch timeline. But the reality was much, much worse.

Steve looked into the container, then back at the appendage on his suit that determined the time as if he were making a final decision. After a beat, he set the date on his suit, then pressed down on the button that took him away from the Seventies.

But instead of showing up at the compound, he arrived in front of a quaint, unfamiliar house. 

It had to be some sort of mistake. The tape had to end here, right? Steve set his time and place wrong, and that would be it. But the projection continued.

He knocked softly on the door, and after a minute a soft pattering against the floor could be heard before the slab of wood swung open. 

There Peggy Carter stood, eyes wide and teary, brows raised in surprise, and hands covering her mouth in shock.

Your heart dropped into your stomach. You almost swore you could feel you could feel the acid within it beginning to eat away at your quickly breaking heart.

As much as it hurt to look at, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the scene. 

“I believe I still owe you that dance,” Steve said with a shy smile. You weren’t sure if you wanted to bolt out of the building or crumble into a puddle in the middle of the otherwise empty benches and sob until your tear ducts gave in.

The rest of the tape was a blur to you. Although you couldn’t seem to look away from the projection, your brain seemed to refuse to process the new information. Your vision blurred and your ears rang, turning the dialogue between Steve and Peggy into nothing more than radio static, finding that it hurt less that way.

The tape came to an end after the two shared an all too meaningful kiss, and you were grateful that you’d decided on a light breakfast that morning. Your heart was moving at a hummingbird pace, and you felt as if your whole world was collapsing in on itself. 

Despite your inner turmoil, you held your composure when you were called up to the stands in order to recall the events leading up to Steve’s crimes.

“Please state your first and last name for the record,” Judge Renslayer ordered, and you complied.

“Ms. L/N, give us a little context for the crime. Where were you this morning?”

“Well, before we… travelled through time we were at the Compound. I mean, Avengers Compound,” you paused for a moment, scowling to yourself in thought. “Is Steve being arrested for time traveling? In that case, we’re both guilty.”

“No, the time traveling was supposed to happen. It was necessary for the stones to return to their proper places. However, going to Ms. Carter was not.”

You tried to ignore the feeling of your heart dropping further down your body. Hearing your worst fears verbalized made your head spin, “oh, okay.” You took a deep breath, trying to prolong the maintenance of your composure. 

“Can you tell us what you two did on Vormir?”

“Well, we travelled to.. 2014 I think, and we had to talk to this weird red skulled dude. Steve knew him. We bargained with him and by giving him the soul stone, he gave us back Nat… Natasha Romanoff,” you seemed to be rambling on, nerves manifesting in an outpour of words from your mouth. 

“Did Mr. Rogers mention anything about going back to see Ms. Carter?” 

“Uh, no. Not to my knowledge. He just said he was going to the past alone because he wanted me to take Nat home, and didn’t want me getting hurt. I wasn’t too worried because we pl-“

The judge cut you off, “Okay, that’s enough. Ms. L/N, do you believe that Mr. Rogers had no ill intent in creating a branch timeline?”

You glanced between Steve and Judge Renslayer. The small red lipstick stain on his cheek seemed to be glaring at you. Your heart pounded against your ribcage as if it were trying to escape. You simply shook your head, “no.”

“Ms. L/N, do you believe that Mr. Rogers had planned in advance to live in the past with Margaret Carter?”

The words rattled in your brain. The simple question became distorted by the endless loop of Steve’s words before his departure. 

This was my Plan A. I promise I’ll be back before you know it.

Deep down, you know that Steve is a decisive person. You don’t doubt that he had planned his desertion days ahead, if not months. Your stomach churned as you considered the possibility that from the moment he got out of the ice, he had wanted to find his way back to the past. That every special moment you shared was tainted with the presence of another woman, one who hadn’t truly been in the picture for years.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat the question? I just, uh, zoned out for a second,” you forced out a chuckle and twiddled your thumbs as you looked at the Judge, trying your best to make eye contact with her. 

Judge Renslayer sighed before repeating herself, this time in a more drab tone. “Ms. L/N, do you believe that Mr. Rogers had planned in advance to live in the past with Margaret Carter?”

You hesitated before speaking, carefully contemplating the words on the top of your tongue that you truly didn’t believe. 

“No, I do not.”

——

Steve was let off easy, no repercussions at all from the TVA when they considered the weight of his ‘accidental’ branching of a reality compared to the heft of him returning all of the Infinity Stones to their proper location, effectively trimming the branches that needed to be dealt with.

The TVA sent the three of you on your way, Peggy back to her time, and you and Steve back to 2023.

But you weren’t the TVA, and Steve’s venture to the past had far more consequences for the both of you.

You spent the rest of your day at the Compound avoiding Steve like the plague and trying not to think too long about your partner so as to not spontaneously burst into tears. That night, you struggled to find sleep. With Steve seeming to take the memo and not bothering to enter your shared room, you were met with a far too large bed that hadn’t been that empty in months. You tossed and turned restlessly, at times almost achieving sleep before falling victim to your own thoughts.

Sometime around 3AM, you made your way to the common room. You heard the soft chatter from the television as you rounded the corner, and figured that someone had left the TV on before heading to bed. You truly hadn’t expected to see Steve under a thin blanket, leaning against the arm of the couch as he watched a rerun of an old show. 

He looked up, and his eyes briefly lit up at the sight of you before returning his stare to the screen ahead of him. 

You somehow understood what he was thinking without him having to say it. Hundreds of sleepless nights had ended in this manner for you two, even before you began seeing each other. 

The soft hue of blue light against his face was oddly comforting and nearly nostalgic for you, and as you sat down at the opposite end of the sofa, you had to stop yourself from falling into his lap and allowing him to hold and console you.

You chewed your lip as you half paid attention to the program in front of you. There was so much you wanted to say, but a knot seemed to be caught in your throat, preventing you from both crying and speaking your mind. 

“Is it bad that I think I would’ve felt better if you cheated on me with someone else?” you finally spoke. The floodgates had opened, silent tears slipping down your cheeks before you could stop them. “I guess you never really stopped pining after her. Those memories of someone you kissed once were more promising than the five years of our relationship, right?”

There was no malice in your voice, only hints of hurt. Steve looked over at you, frown deeply imprinted on his face as he listened to you speak, “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

His apology made it seem all too real, as if the trial and the tape of his actions weren’t tangible enough. Hearing Steve himself admit aloud that what he had done, what he had planned to do, was wrong enough to warrant an apology, and the tinge of regret laced in his tone made your heart break all over again.

The desire to be comforted was no longer just a want. You needed to feel Steve, feel his body radiate heat onto you while he wrapped his big, protective arms around you. You could barely stop yourself from standing up and approaching him, getting close enough to collapse next to him, laying your face on his legs and taking in a shaky breath.

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” you whispered, “just tell me you weren’t going to stay there with her,” you paused and looked up from your place in his lap, “please.”

Steve frowned as he looked down on you, clearly having some sort of internal conflict over telling you the truth or not.

“I just want to hear you say it,” your voice trembled as the foundation of floodgates holding back your tears began to crumble. “Please, just tell me it was a mistake.”

“It was a mistake. It’s you, Y/N. It’s always been you.”

It should’ve hurt because you now knew it wasn’t true. That you’d been playing second chair in a relationship where you’d believed you were the first. That you wouldn’t ever be able to change it, despite how hard you tried to be the perfect partner, you would constantly be in the shadow of an idealized Peggy Carter. 

Yet, his false words consoled you. You buried your face further into his thigh, desperate to indulge in the feeling of comfort that you had so deeply longed for. You shallowly inhaled the scent of his pajama pants, as his hand came down to massage your scalp. It felt familiar, safe. Steve didn’t even mention how your tears were beginning to seep through the fabric of his pants. 

You should want more for yourself, to get up and tell Steve that he won’t ever have the chance to throw you to the sideline again. That he can’t treat you and everyone else in his life like pawns in his sick game of Chess.

But for now, all you want is Steve, and his artificial, comforting words

And somehow— that’s enough.

[fantastic-nonsense]

#I have a whole dissertation on how half the reason steve went back to peggy in Endgame#was because Natasha was the only thing keeping him grounded in the present instead of the past#and without her he was unable to fully move on from his time in the ice#(because Bucky was able to move on where Steve wasn't and Sam never actually needed him to 'stay')#but that dissertation can wait a couple of days

girl where's the dissertation???????

Okay okay! Here's the dissertation (and it's long, so you're welcome!):

I’m actually pretty chill with Steve’s ending in Endgame on an emotional level. I'm incredibly bitter about it narratively, because it doesn't make any sense, but it does feel right. Steve's ending is a classic case of "I can absolutely see where this came from and why they did it, but they leaped over the on-screen depiction of Steve's journey necessary to get there."

For Steve as he is canonically portrayed, he never quite adjusted to his life after the ice. His story has been one of “settling” and trying to move on from this massive trauma that was dealt to him; it's also about his general inability to do so even after 10 years and god knows how many movies. While Winter Soldier makes a big deal out of Steve trying to 'move on' (his talk with Peggy, his interactions with Natasha, Sam, and Nick, etc), the movie ends with him literally going back to the past: fighting HYDRA (who was never defeated) in his old suit while trying to save Bucky.

And even as Old!Peggy tells him to move on romantically, he's demonstrably unable to do so with Sharon (now given, this is largely because both the MCU writers and the fandom treated Sharon like absolute shit and undermined any arc she might have gotten to justify her relationship with Steve, but the point stands). And I think in terms of romance, Peggy has been pushed as “it” for him. Between his vision in AOU, Steve carrying around that compass for literally the entire franchise, and his continual mentions of her, not to mention the bits in TWS where he’s visiting her and the whole funeral thing in Civil War…he like…clearly Never Got Over Her™, regardless of whether he considered her the love of his life before the ice or not.

Basically, Steve’s whole problem throughout the MCU, exemplified by the story told in TWS, was that he Couldn’t Move On, even though he tried to in various forms, and that was sort of encapsulated by his focus on Peggy. I’m not saying it was HEALTHY, just that it does make SENSE when you think about Steve and his struggles post-ice.

And ultimately, Steve's two links to the present are Natasha and Sam. Bucky can't anchor him in the present because he's a living reminder of his past and all that he failed to do and feels responsible for because he was iced (he didn't get his date with Peggy, Bucky was tortured and brainwashed for several decades, his war buddies are all dead or super old, HYDRA survived to infiltrate SHIELD, Howard spent decades obsessively looking for him and neglecting his son, etc). Sam is firmly in the present, but he can't anchor Steve there because he doesn't understand him on the deep, fundamental level Steve needs. He basically fills the role of neutral outside observer in Steve's life; he's able to call Steve out on his shit pretty easily because he has no deep emotional involvement with or trauma connected to any of the people involved with Steve's own trauma, but he can't help him move on from it.

But Natasha? Nat is just as fucked up and haunted by her past and the "what-ifs" in her life as Steve is. It comes from an incredibly different place than Steve, but the similarities of circumstances are there. And what Natasha did for Steve is give him hope that he could live in the present and move beyond his past, because if Natasha could move beyond her past and live in the present, he could too. And she does try her best to help him move on! She gives him the notebook, jokes with him, tries to get him to leave his house and date and interact with other people, and helps him navigate the modern world. She fights beside him and attends Peggy's funeral with him and goes on the run with him and of all the Avengers, works with Steve most closely during the Blip.

So when Natasha dies, who's left to help anchor Steve and navigate the post-Blip world with? I mean…realistically after Endgame Tony is dead, Natasha is dead, Bucky has done what Steve couldn’t and MOVED ON and built himself a life, and Sam doesn’t actually need him even though he’s a rock in Steve’s life. And while Bucky and Sam are both anchors in Steve's life, neither of them can help him move on, because his issues are fundamentally different from theirs and his ability to actually build a functional life outside of the Avengers is next to nil compared to either Bucky or Sam (which we see in TFATWS with Sam's family and Bucky's List). Hence, why his connection to Natasha was so important for anchoring him to the present, because like him, Nat was also functionally unable to build a life outside of SHIELD/The Avengers.

So that’s his two deepest friendships permanently gone, his oldest friend managing to heal and move on when he can’t, and a friend who doesn't actually need him to stay. Not to mention that Clint isn't an active Avenger anymore, Wanda fucked off to play sit-com housewife in New Jersey, Thor is going galaxy-hopping/soul-searching, and Bruce has gotten to a psychological state where he can coexist with Hulk. The Avengers as Steve knew them are finished, the compound is destroyed, and new heroes have stepped up to the plate. As of the end of Endgame...what life is there even to live for Steve if he goes back to the present? The people Steve built his post-ice life around basically moved on without him or are now dead. He's now lost his second family in addition to his first.

So I think within the story that Endgame told, Steve’s decision makes sense and FEELS right even if it doesn’t explicitly narratively follow from the other movies in the franchise. When he sees Peggy on the time heist, I think it wakes him up to the possibility that he doesn't have to constantly suffer for the sake of other people or be alone for the rest of his life; he can be happy too. So he hands the shield off to the one person he trusts implicitly to both do right by its legacy and stay mentally stable while doing so (Sam), tells his oldest friend and newest friend to take care of each other, and goes back to the only place he's ever felt like he's truly belonged: Peggy's arms.

Here, Steve gets another chance: he can right all the wrongs that have troubled him since he woke up in 2012, he gets his happy ending with the woman he loves, and he can finally, for the first time in over a decade, rest. I think Endgame!Steve is grieving and exhausted and hurting because once again, he feels left behind and alone and unmoored in a world that has moved on without him, and so when he gets a chance to finally get that happy ending....he takes it. And I can't fault him for that, given his circumstances, even though I'm incredibly frustrated by the narrative execution of that decision and would have much rather have seen him finally move on and become a sort of backseat mentor to the next round of Avengers.

And I cleared up my issues with the timeline via director’s commentary, so he’s not taking the place of another man in Peggy’s life and he can technically do whatever he wants in that life (since that life happened in an alternate reality/split-off universe). So it’s literally just that he gets a happy ending and a fulfilling life with the woman he loves and gets another chance to help the other people in his life that he loves. And goddamn does Steven Grant Rogers deserve every shred of happiness and contentment he can get after how awful and stressful and tiring his life has been up to this point.

But lol yeah the Russos can choke for what they did to Natasha. That was just ugly and unnecessary. It should have been Clint, and I'll die on that hill.

[booksandabeer]

For the fic rec asks: 😂, 🛳, and ✨️ please 🥰🥰

(Hope you're having a great day 🤗)

Hello, lovely Tessa! I’m having a great day today, I hope you do, too! Thank you so much for sending this in! 🥰

🛳️ A fic that brought you aboard a new ship

You know I kind of have a one-track mind when it comes to shipping, so it's mostly SteveBucky for me. The only other pairing I started to read regularly over the past year is SamBucky (I might make a separate rec post for that one day because I've since found some really excellent fics). I think the first SamBucky story I read that really convinced me was this one:

Muscle Memory by seapigeon | 13K, 3 parts in series, rated Teen-Explicit

Starts mid-season of TFATWS and then moves beyond that. This is only 13K but it packs such an emotional punch. This is Bucky and Sam dancing around each other, and away from each other, and then finally with each other. Also, I highly recommend everything else written by this author (including a fantastic WIP).

😂 A fic that made you laugh out loud

While we’re at it, let’s do another SamBucky rec:

we're awesome, totally genius by napricot | 4K, Teen

A short and sweet Modern No-Powers AU, in which hot teacher Bucky rescues Sam from a bad date with Tony Stark’s "evil twin". It is wonderful! Napricot is another one of those authors where I can wholeheartedly recommend everything she’s ever written. She has a special talent for taking the crackiest of premises and turning them into something moving and emotionally sincere. And still keep it hilarious! 

✨ A fic you wish you could read again for the first time

Hmmm...I think I would like to get the chance to read some of the “big ones” again for the first time and really savor them this time around. When I first read a lot of them, I was just gorging myself on all things Stucky I could find at the time and so some of them kind of tend to bleed together or I can hardly even remember anything other than...they were really good? But since I want to give some love to lesser known fics, let’s go with:

As Time Goes By by Trouble_With_The_Snap | 66K, Mature

This is a tough read--there are no happy endings here--and I realize that this is not a fic for everybody. In fact, it might not appeal to most people. However, it is one of the best fics I have ever read. I’ll just copy here what I wrote in my bookmark because I think it sums it up best:

A smart & thoughtful investigation into how Steve's Endgame choice would realistically play out. Brutally honest and absolutely devastating without being pointlessly cruel or wholly lacking in compassion towards the characters. Masterfully set up, patiently developed, confidently structured, beautifully written. And the payoff! I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop - and BOY, did it DROP. 

Like I said, you'll need a masochistic streak a mile wide to do this to yourself, but holy shit, it is so, so good. I realize that this may seem like a strange choice for the “I want to experience this all over again” question, but the feeling that came over me when I started to realize what the author was doing here and where it would inevitably lead was just...I was floored.

This was fun! Let’s do it again some time! You can always ask for more recs outside of this ask game.

[iamnmbr3]

So it looks like the MCU has decided to celebrate Pride with some disgustingly blatant queerbaiting and homophobia. How unfortunately on-brand. Mike Waldron, the head writer of the Loki series, sat down with Vanity Fair and had this to say:

One love story to keep an eye out for is brewing between Hiddleston’s god of mischief and Owen Wilson’s TVA bureaucrat Mr. Mobius. The two spark and spar, building on the duo’s chemistry from Midnight in Paris. “Mobius and Loki, that’s one of the love stories you might see in Loki for sure,” he says. “Although if you print that, knowing our fans, they’re going to take it the wrong way.” When I clarified that their love story might be more akin to the platonic one between Tom Hanks’s FBI agent Carl Hanratty and Leonardo DiCaprio’s con man Frank Abagnale Jr. in Catch Me If You Can, Waldron says, “Exactly. Right.”

What do you mean by the “wrong way” Mike? Would you say that if you were talking about a male and female character instead of 2 male characters? Oh right. No. The reading would only be “wrong” in this case because that would be queer, and you clearly think queerness is disgusting and wrong and a joke. I’m sorry. Assuming that by “love story” someone means...a LOVE STORY is perfectly reasonable. If you know people are going to make that very logical assumption why would you refer to it that way? Oh right. Because you wanted to bait the fans. But then also mock anyone for picking up on the bait because to you queerness is “wrong” and a joke. How dare people assume you mean “love story” when you say “love story” about two characters, one of whom is canonically queer (which I’m sure now is going to get erased)?! This is both egregious queer baiting and extremely homophobic. 

He knows exactly what he’s doing. Guess he’s trying to one-up the queerbaiting in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I mean c’mon. “It’s a love story. But tee hee! Some silly people might think that means queerness. And that would be wrong and icky!” We already had the Russos queer baiting stucky fans in a very similar way, and then in IW and Endgame Steve and Bucky didn’t even get to talk for more than 3 seconds. I mean. Really. Why say “love story” otherwise. Only to clarify it’s like Catch Me if You Can. What?? Catch Me if You Can isn’t a love story; it’s a movie based on the true story about a financial conman and the FBI agent in charge of tracking him down. They did later become friends after he went to prison. But it was hardly a love story. and it’s certainly not presented that way in the movie. 

Furthermore, his disdain for the fans is palpable. Clearly he thinks “knowing the fans” that of course these 2 characters will be shipped just by virtue of what? Both being male and being in the same space? That’s not what shipping is about. People actually choose their ships for a reason. And they care about the characters. That’s why depending on the characters every ship dynamic is different. People are usually drawn to ships because they are interesting and emotionally compelling for one reason or another. If you look at the popular MCU ships they’re between characters that had compelling interactions and emotional arcs with each other. But sure. Let’s just turn it all into a joke, assume these characters will be shipped because they’re near each other, and bait the fans while mocking them and reiterating how gross and wrong you think queerness is.

Also. From what we’ve seen from the trailers, Mobius and Loki’s relationship is absolutely NOT a love story. I’m not saying you can’t ship dark ships. I certainly do. But that’s not love in a positive sense. That’s why dark ships are called DARK ships. They’re about obsession or toxic romance or power and control or all sorts of dark things. And that’s not what he’s getting at here. He’s using it in a positive sense. He’s calling it a love story (presumably a platonic one) while also queer baiting fans. But. Where??? 

We’ve seen Mobius be nothing but absolutely awful to Loki. He has quite literally not treated Loki decently once in any of the trailers. We’ve seen him silence and mock and denigrate Loki and show him 0 compassion or understanding or respect. We’ve seen him hurt and frighten Loki - the one trailer that actually leaned into this had the best moment of any of the trailers because Mobius is a great antagonist and when they utilize him as such it leads to actually emotionally compelling drama. I mean, already twice in the trailers he’s quoted Odin directly. How can they have him do that and then not take advantage of those parallels to make him into the perfect villain that he could be? Also, Mobius is part of the organization holding Loki captive and enslaving him. How exactly is that a love story??? Nothing Mobius has done has been loving at all. Calling it a love story validates that mistreatment. 

Why would I want to ship this in a positive sense??? I want Loki to get as far away from Mobius as possible, preferably after wiping the smug look off his face. Mobius is awful to him. And it doesn’t personally appeal to me even as a dark ship either. There’s no real complexity to their interactions or reason for me to want to see a romance - either dark or otherwise - explored. Mobius is Loki’s annoying, grating jailer who he just met and who so far has not gotten a single thing right about him. The assumption that every fan would see this trailer and just go “squeeeeeee!! SHIPPPPP!” is really insulting and denigrating. 

Waldron really seems to dislike Loki as a character and to dislike the fanbase because it is full of exactly the kind of people he so obviously despises and looks down upon. Why was this man given the chance to write for Loki? Imagine if we had a writer with professionalism and empathy - like Russel T.  Davies - at the helm. 

Given Waldron’s obvious disgust for the concept of queerness I’m sure he’s either erased Loki’s sexuality or has turned it into a joke. Happy Pride from the MCU I guess.

[luna-rainbow]

Your post about the Russos? You're right, absolutely but if I may... The problem is: Tony.

Tony's arc end and should've being the retirement of Iron Man after Iron Man 3.

But then, CA:TWS happens. People call the best MCU movie, Cap's the best trilogy, and someone couldn't deal with it.

So they bring Iron Man back. And since then it's disaster after disaster. They cannot admit Iron Man is wrong (Civil War, IW, EG...)

And this changed everything.

Yep, I agree. It would have been much better for everyone if they ended Tony's arc in IM3.

I have a soft spot for IM Tony. For me, Tony was more relatable than Steve, because I see some of the same flaws he has in myself *cough* and I don't have Steve's optimism and goodness. And you know, there is something admirable about someone getting into their 40s and realising he had lived his life wrong and be brave enough to try and turn that around. Not a lot of people with his level of arrogance and privilege even get to that stage.

But that was the appeal of Tony, you know. At the surface he’s the archetypal problematic sheltered privileged gamer boy — smart, sassy, cynical, impatient, analytical, with very little EQ and social awareness. The IM movies was about subverting that stereotype, by making him learn empathy and idealism and optimism and compassion.

Problem started when people projected too much onto him, and he became an avatar to all these people who think they’re smarter than the rest of the world and that empathy is a waste of time. That’s where the whole “ends justifies the means” BS comes from. It’s an incredibly cynical worldview that was being sold as the right way to do things in Phase 3.

As to RDJ's role in CACW, I’m hesitant to blame him (namely because I don’t know much about their dynamics). Chris has always spoken highly of RDJ (and importantly, vice versa), as have other costars, and I don’t mean the superficial “yeah haha he’s nice to work with” stuff, but actual vignettes of how they go to him for advice and support. I know RDJ comes across as arrogant in his interviews but I believe he plays the Tony Stark persona on these MCU tours. I think it's unsurprising for RDJ to feel very protective of Tony; there are similarities between RDJ's own experiences and Tony's. There are a lot of brilliantly talented people who get swallowed by the shit hole that is Hollywood, so I do admire what RDJ has managed to do with his own life. To his credit, he acted his heart out for Tony in every movie. I think he was entitled to request that Tony be given a coherent arc in Cap 3, as much as the villains in NWH also asked for (and got) something coherent in that movie. The problem of course was that Tony’s part was disproportionately big in this, but I don’t know that the decision to make Tony so central in that movie can be blamed on RDJ and not the directors/writers who sincerely gave you Steve’s happy ending in Endgame.

[the-wolfstar-shipper]

A Marvel Rant:

NATASHA’S FACE AFTER THOR CUTS THANOS’ HEAD OFF::::

SHE KNOWS CLINT’S FAMILY ARE GONE. SHE KNOWS HER FAMILY ARE GONE. SCENARIO:

Clint *calling Nat at midnight of the day of the snap, sobbing*: Nat, Nat

Natasha: What‘s wrong? *no answer* CLINT!

Clint: They’re all gone, Lila and the boys and Laura, they disappeared

Nat *holding back tears*: listen, Clint, something happened out there with Thanos today. We- we lost.

Clint: W-what

Nat *basically crying realising Laura, her friend, Lila, like a daughter to her, and her two boys are gone* I’m on my way.

Clint: Thank you

Nat *already up out of the chair ready to leave*: sit tight, Clint, I won’t lose you too

CONCEPT INVOLVING PEGGY:::

Ok so imagine Peggy was born not at the time of WW2, but at the time of the avengers, so 70 years later. The amount of possibilities with this omg. So she is in the army right, as in normal army nothing to do with war so shes still fucking awesome - she would be without training anyway, but still - and then she retires from the army after the new york fiasco (she was one of the soldiers there). BAM SHE MEETS STEVE ROGERS. Some cute little alien dude comes up behind super soldier rogers while he’s staring at little peggy carter. BAM SHE KNOCKS HIM DOWN AND FUCKING KILLS THE DAMN THING WITHOUT EVEN BREATHING HEAVY. Steve just standing there in absolute awe.

Peggy becoming an avenger and consequently saving everyones asses like four times a week, resulting in them having a ‘Peggy is awesome jar.’ they put their names on a bit of paper, put it in the jar. peggy picks out one name each week and that name has to take the team out for dinner on saturday night.

so i am 100% in the belief than in cannon, Peggy did, and deserved, to move on. and i love her for that. she let go. Buuuuuut we then do get Steggy. Peggy really was the true love of steve’s life, the one person he really wanted. We see this in endgame. Peggy is still in his compass.

We also get the team up of Natasha Romanoff and Peggy Carter. good lord there would be no need for any of the other avengers. those two standing back to back fighting off whatever shit the avengers are currently saving/fucking up.

in contrast, peggy making sure the avengers are *actually saving stuff* and not ruining the world or whatever. Civil war never actually happening because Peggy says ‘oh for goodness sake can everyone just grow up! believe what you like but im going to settle things with the government so there isnt another world wide catastrophic event.’ Her getting rid of the accords but having a sensible conversation with Tony and everyone planning to sign and making all sorts of negotiations to make sure everyone is happy, and never being biased towards Steve whether he’s her boyfriend/fiance/husband/friend or what.

Thanos never getting rid of half of living creatures because he is scared shitless of Peggy - who isnt?!

Thanos: I’m going to de-

Peggy: No.

Thanos *angry look*: -stroy half the-

Peggy: i said no.

Thanos: planet.

Peggy: goodness me, were some people never taught any manners?

Thanos: *dead*

Having Peggy in modern day would just solve all the problems ever made basically.

PETITION FOR MARVEL TO REWRITE EVERYTHING SIGN HERE!

[jukeboxhound]

apologies if you’ve already answered this, i just found ur post on it— why do you “hate watch” infinity war and endgame? i didn’t like endgame either and i’m going through marvel fatigue too, so i just wanna hear your opinion on it if you wanted to share 👀

OH BOY i am FULL OF OPINIONS and ALWAYS HAPPY TO SHARE THEM anon, ahahaha ❤

To be fair, a lot of my issues stem back to how the MCU framed Ultron and the Civil War. The question of accountability, in and of itself, is absolutely important, and there's so much richness and ethical complexity that could be pulled out and explored re: vigilantism vs. state-sanctioned violence, accountability, etc etc. The 616 comics flubbed it, but MCU just made it an absolute mess and, in doing so, actually undermined both the coherence and the moral fortitude of Steve's position entirely while still trying to make him the underdog hero (????). MCU as well as various comic lines have a habit of trying to make Captain America into Marvel's moral compass without really....doing it consistently or well at all, imo.

Anyway, so given that, because I'm salty about everything and also I was still a bit feverish from COVID at the time...

(Under a cut for both length and vitriol @ the MCU.)

Infinity War:

The consequences of the Civil War were just....swept aside and forgotten, which took one of the biggest events in Marvel's comic history and marked a HUGE change in the MCU and then...ignored it??? Because increasing the stakes of a conflict is the only way that too many content creators know how to create emotional tension but who don't want to deal with the emotional nuances/consequences in any meaningful way. (Cue a lot of interesting and infuriating film articles analyzing why films no longer have 'quiet scenes' and how the MCU really codified that.)

The rogue Avengers were reintroduced in a way that pushed hard on the 'misunderstood vigilante' trope, which, see above re: Civil War and my complete inability to buy into that, so it came off less as 'badass underdogs' and more 'oh, I am Misunderstood and Suffering Nobly and Broodingly.' I've been a goth for 20 years, I can smell that self-indulgent nonsense a mile away.

The Jossification of movie writing in which consistent characterization is sacrificed if it means a witty one-liner, but that's just the MCU as a whole at this point. It was fun when it was still 2000 and Buffy was a campy cute TV show already designed around this form of humor from the very start. It's boring, unimaginative, and bad writing at this point.

Changing Thanos to be an attempted commentary on...I guess environmentalism, but done badly, and by the Disney megacorporation no less (not for the first time; Disney's World of Tomorrow is even more heavyhanded about it), is just...look. Look. Just let him slaughter people because he wants to bone Death, pun totally intended, that's way more interesting as a plot point than whatever MCU tried to do.

Something about the way Wakanda was handled felt weird? It felt like the majority white US characters were once again taking precedence over any of Wakanda's story, I think, but I don't have language yet to pin down where my sense of wobbliness there is coming from exactly, just that a lot of the scenes set in Wakanda had me feeling ://// and like I needed someone to stuff Steve in a closet somewhere for a while.

And Endgame:

Steve as a peer counselor is the FUNNIEST FUCKING IDEA, I assume it's meant as an homage to Sam Wilson but HE'S THE ACTUAL WORST CHARACTER OPTION FOR THAT ROLE and that is my honest professional judgment, okay, dear gods. (This is not me just dunking him - I legitimately have reasons for this judgment.)

I'm tired of MCU treating Thor like a big dumb asshole. His character development has become a boring repeating cycle. It's like the writers or whomever just didn't know what to do with him but couldn't pretend he didn't exist. Cue the Lebowski jokes, I guess.

Really, it feels like MCU just doesn't care about its own characters and what gives each of them the depth that made them so beloved in the first place, period.

Gettin' real tired of people trying to redeem Howard fucking Stark in a way that feels like it's trying to minimize his impact on Tony. MCU!Howard doesn't seem nearly as bad as 616!Howard, but you can just let a character be Complicated! They don't have to be demonized or redeemed!

I was 100% here for RDJ's improv of yelling at Cap, though. :D

The final battle didn't give me warm fuzzies about Marvel's Big Three fighting together because there hasn't been emotional depth between them...ever*, really.

Honestly, none of the attempts at emotional depth ever landed for me. But then, I've never been sold on the chemistry for any of the canon relationships, romantic or otherwise, even back in IM2 for Pepperony.

The biggest emotional takeaway for me was the realization that nothing - not Howard, not torture, not SHIELD - was able to break Tony's heart and will the way that the loss of the Avengers was able to. And that makes sense, it does.........but I truly don't believe that that's what MCU was ever intending to imply. 🙃

Pepper suddenly ending up in a suit after multiple movies of her hating the armor didn't make any sense to me (unlike her role as Rescue in 616).

I'm on board with other folks who point out the ethical dubiousness, at best, of reversing the snap FIVE YEARS LATER.

The final battle felt like a) another 'let's up the stakes for emotional tension' issue and b) a narratively contradictory choice since so much of the MCU was DEFINED by the very question regarding the tragedy of superhero battles, and the CGI made it look like it went waaaaaay beyond the limits of the Compound.

*The Avengers (2012) isn't exactly flawless and fuck Joss Whedon forever, but at least it felt like it was setting up the MCU with the potential for the fun of 616's early New Avengers era in which the Avengers were dorks in the tower. There was potential! Fandom in 2012 was based on real canon! And then MCU went fuck all of you, I guess.

ANYWAY I HOPE THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR, ANON ❤

[vxlkyrieee]

first blood

Endgame!Steve Rogers x Nurse!reader

Word count: 3352

*set during the latter part of endgame (some mentions of infinity war)*

Who would have ever thought that Captain America would need saving?

He appeared the picture of flawlessness. With a tall muscular build, pretty white teeth and a daunting stare, it was so easy to categorise Captain America as completely perfect and invulnerable.

Surely, living with a reputation like that would be exhausting. As someone that was expected to do no wrong all of the time, Steve was constantly on edge. He only ever disregarded his prestige if his moral compass took the unconventional route; he'd done that so many times, especially for Bucky. It usually cost him more than he would've liked.

But he's in too deep this time, and he can't pay for his salvation. Only you could do that for him. And it would cost you all your innocence.

You were never supposed to be a part of this shit. Steve mentally cursed himself, and he may or may not have mumbled a "fuck" when he first realised Thanos was attacking the compound, because you were still here with them. Why didn't you just go home when Steve insisted you'd worked enough hours?

You were his best girl, sweet and oh so gentle. Of course, you always held your own with more than enough handfuls of grit, but Steve believed you would never hurt a damn fly, and now you're all caught up in his mess.

The rubble seemed to deliquesce around your limbs as you try to recover from Thanos' artillery attack. Bruce, Rocket and Rhody, who were stuck with you, point out the arrival of water. It cascades down, sloshing into the confined space, and you couldn't help but start to sob. With every movement, the wreckage would attempt to submerge your body, leaving you struggling to keep your head above the surface. Rhody held your hand with cold, armoured fingers and Rocket clung to your arm for dear life. Here you were, just a mere woman among heroes.

Yet, that didn't matter right now.

Because Rocket was crying with you, The Hulk was struggling to hold up remnants of thick concrete, and War Machine couldn't move right without a full functioning suit. Just as the last flicker of hope was dimming, Ant-man squeezed his tiny body through the splits of rock and rubble, and added more sparks to your optimism. Still panting, Scott gives the three of you a hand and pulls you out.

"C'mon, guys! I'm pretty sure the whole band's back together now."

Making your way out into the open, you watch as the two adversarial sides yell their battle cries, and merge into a disorderly fight. A war, if you will. Leading the chaos was Steve, who now had everything to lose. The love of your life was throwing himself at a fucking Titan and his army, and all you were doing was spectating.

What the hell were you supposed to do? Wait on the sidelines until someone screamed "medic"?

It was as if that thought had climbed out from your skull and materialised before your eyes, when Steve took a particularly heavy blow. His shield was cracked, and if the vibranium was so easily broken, then what of Steve's bones?

As soon as he staggered to the ground, the cracks and fissures in your confidence began to make themselves known. Slowly, they paved paths along your heart, because what if Steve doesn't make it? What if he can't get back up? What if he's already dying?

Your sight becomes tunnel-visioned and you run towards Steve: the light at the end of the tunnel, as both earth and sky become one ash-ridden thing.

He saw your figure amongst the other Avengers, and they all fought tooth-and-nail around you, making sure you made it to Steve without an extra scratch.

"No! No, you've gotta get outta here now, Darlin'! Go!"

You hadn't moved from his side, and this was the only moment Steve ever wished you weren't so stubborn.

You stare at him, his face mottled with blood and freckles. At this point, Steve had trouble blinking without dirt invading his eyes. Instead of obeying his demand, or answering him, you ignore him completely. There were still many other Chitauri, that much you were sure of.

What you weren't sure of, was if Steve could make it to the end of this fight alive with the injuries he had, even when he could wield Mjolnir. His forearm had been torn open, the muscles just hanging onto their ligaments and bone. Steve being Steve, merely tightened the strap of his shield around the forearm, hoping that that would keep it in place. Another deep wound was opened on his thigh, blood soaking through the thick fabric of his uniform, forming a dark stain. He could feel the pain, like electric shocks, tingle down from his leg to his feet.

The same feet that you had once taught to dance.

The last five years haven't been easy. The first year was especially bad. There were days where you and Steve didn't get out of bed, hoping that your heads would stop spinning if you buried them under pillows for long enough.

This would count two times where Steve survived, and his best friend didn't. What made him so worthy of living?

Everyone would all tell him, the thoughts will pass. It's all in your head. But that was the problem. His head was so full with what he could've done, weighted and heavy like a dumpling, bursting and pounding with tears that never seemed to stop.

Steve could be all cloak-and-dagger sometimes. He was a marvellous arrangement of welded armour plates and kevlar, hiding behind a facade. But if you said the right words, touched him gingerly, held his gaze long enough, he'd dismantle and out would escape his affliction. Defences would crumble as he'd break down in your arms, and you in his. Castles and kingdoms collapsing together.

Even on the good days, Steve's blood flowed differently in his veins. His limbs were almost always exhausted, tired of waiting for some sort of breakthrough, holding on white-knuckled to a weakening hope that threatened to dissipate out of existence. Just like his friends.

But on the good days, the flurry of guilt and dust and Bucky and Sam, would shrink a little, even if by the tiniest fraction, to make enough room for something new. Those days meant slow dancing barefoot in the compound, cable-knit sweaters, ice cream flavoured kisses, filtered sun rays through windows, and tender bear hugs.

Those were the days where you had managed to get Steve's smile to reach his eyes: piercing blue, watery with laughter and flecked with tiny mellow greens. Eyes that glued themselves to your feet as he held your frame, swaying to the beat of soft jazz in the background.

On those days, he'd say "good morning." He'd have one hand in his pocket, and the other one wrapped around a steaming mug of coffee. His eyes adorned with dark circles, almost a purple tinge to the skin, but smiley nonetheless.

On those days, he'd buy you a double-scoop cone when you passed an ice cream truck in Central Park, even when it was so cold, your breath would become mist in the air. He'd even try leading the dances you'd have in the afternoon sun, waltzing a little faster so you'd follow in kind, giggling as you did so.

And he'd stumble sometimes, but never once did he give up.

It reminded you of the Avengers' early days, when Steve had planned on courting you. When you were still somewhat an unfamiliar face, only appearing sometimes by Dr. Cho's side. But Steve had his eye on you. Determined to confidently allure you, despite how many times he stumbled over his words in your presence. Instead, he had slipped, fallen really, into a romance he couldn't ever recover from. It was like having his feet swept from under him in a panicked rush, only to land face first into your welcoming arms. It was scary, but he loved it.

And the closer you got to Steve, the closer you got to the rest of the Avengers. Even after the snap. You tried to distance yourself from them at first, as to maintain a professional relationship, but they had a pretty strong magnetic field. Especially the girls. It was like gradually being pulled by gravity into the orbit of a planet you hadn't known existed. It was only then you realised that the Avengers were people too. Human. Well, most of them anyway.

You'd found sisters in Natasha and Wanda who were lost much too soon, and unexpectedly strong bonds with both Nebula and Rocket. There were times before all of this time travel, that you and Nat missed Wanda so much, you cooked all her favourite Sokovian dishes together, from chicken Paprikash, to stuffed Sarmale. It was in her honour you supposed. May as well mourn with good food, right?

On one particular day, you'd made Smazeny Syr, and Nat absolutely insisted the two of you eat it in the unconventional way Wanda loved: with blueberry jam. The smell of frying cheese had lured Rocket and Nebula into the kitchen and you took both their hands, hurriedly dragging them towards the stove.

"It's fried cheese. But, you guys have to try it how Wanda used to eat it. Otherwise you get none," you said with a giggle. Nat cut a piece, stabbing it with a fork before adding a generous dollop of jam.

"Ugh, no thanks I'm out," Rocket sneered.

"Your loss."

Natasha lifted the fork, and Nebula accepted it, albeit with a grimace painted on her face. As she chewed, her expression gradually changed from disgust, to surprise, and finally, delight. She nods her head, humming as she swallows.

"See."

Rocket waved off Nat's 'I-told-you-so's, shaking his head in a disapproving manner.

"Some freakshow you guys are."

You gave him a pointed look, raising an eyebrow and crossing your arms for emphasis. His demeanour faltered under your stare a bit, and he clumsily tried to save himself by favouring you. "'Cept you, (y/n). I kinda like how ya scratch behind my ears."

The room erupted into laughter and muffled complaints from Rocket. "Okay, that's enough outta you, racoon," Nat smiled smugly.

That signature Black Widow smirk. The one that either meant she was amused, or she was gonna kick your ass. You miss that smirk. And your memories of her were smothered with it, mocking you, the memories themselves unraveling into demons of sorrow.

Because now your heart has been broken once again. Your sisters are gone and they'd left you behind. And you will mourn of course, go through the motions of unbearable pain, until eventually it becomes tolerable enough to go back to routine.

But Steve was different. Steve was riddled with more guilt than was possible to endure. And now he could bleed out right in front of you if you didn't do something. But amongst a cold-blooded war, you'd have to avoid being killed too.

You had no weapon on you, and Nebula appeared to be the only one who noticed. So she tossed you a dagger, one that was idly sheathed on her leg anyway. A Chitauri warrior ran straight for you, and Steve was already rendered helpless laying in the dirt. You did the first thing that came to mind. You plunged the dagger right into the warrior's abdomen with a grunt, then ripped it back out, effectively killing the alien without leaving Steve's side.

Steve wished he could have done something. He wished you didn't have to do that. Because although the Chitauri wasn't human, you had just taken the life of a living being, in order to save his. You killed for him, with no reluctance whatsoever.

That was an action that would never be reversed. It was an action that came along with a side dish of guilt that would always make a home in the depths of a person's mind. Steve knew this all too well, coming back from a world war, and having to experience killing other opponents on many occasions. But that was something he wanted to isolate you from. He was the soldier, and you were the nurse. That's how it was always meant to stay, so he could suffer the mental trauma for you. So you'd stay safe from the horrors of having blood on one's hands.

Unlike your usual nature, you end up killing many more Chitauri while trying to clean the site of Steve's wounds.

All you could see was red. The anger and anxiety was so potent, it pressed heavily on your chest, rendering a physical ache in your ribs. Thanos had ruined a lot of things for you. And right now you'd kill as many of his sons of bitches that would dare come near you and the love of your life.

As you apply pressure on Steve's leg, a wave of 5 years worth of longing crashes into you with the force of a meteor shower, when scarlet coloured sorcery crosses your vision. Soon you're up, leaping, flying into Wanda Maximoff's arms. A bone crushing hug steadies the way you tremble against her, and before you know it, her hair is wet with your tears. Of course, time had passed differently for Wanda, but her eyes were apologetic as she caressed your cheek for a second, and you knew she understood how much her absence hurt you.

"C'mon, Princezna. I'll help you with Steve."

Wanda assists you in her progress, stitching Steve's wounds quickly and messily with magic and thread.

Steve notices how his head feels detached to his own body, all his thoughts flooding and melding into one giant entanglement, making it impossible to take a proper look at who was tending to his injuries. Shit, he couldn't even lift his head, weighted by the beginnings of dizziness.

"Is that you, (y/n)?"

"It's me, Baby, it's me. I'm gonna fix you." Fix him. Haven't you already tried countless times? You had thought you could smooth over his creases with love and affection, with time and effort. That was before you realised, no one can fix anyone.

However, Steve knew your efforts weren't wasted. You could never fix him or make him forget about the damage done to him over time. But you always helped him adapt. You helped him carry his burdens. You'd given him space and time to open up his baggage, then even unpacked some of it with him. You had done so much more than fix him.

You made him a new person. Different, sure. But still yours.

Once you had Steve in a stable condition, your adrenaline begins to wear off, and all the noise that previously pierced through the air, had suddenly dissipated. You weren't sure how the battle ended, but

you begin to realise exactly what you had done.

It felt good. As much as you hated to admit it, the bite of sharpened metal into wicked alien flesh was exactly what you needed. Or maybe you needed a minute away from everything. Weren't you supposed to feel apologetic? You were a nurse, for goodness' sake. Your purpose was the exact opposite of what you'd just done. Regardless, you knew Steve would be right there to comfort and console you if need be.

But right now, he needed you.

Bucky makes an appearance amongst the other avengers, and he comes forward, taking Wanda's place beside you. He helps Steve lay down on a stretcher, and into a helicopter sent by who knows who. All you know is, it isn't Thanos, and that's enough consolation for you.

Steve slips from consciousness while in the air, and you catch up with Bucky. He tells you you look different. You tell him you like his hair half-up, half-down.

You all end up inside the home of Tony and Pepper, and it becomes a sort of refuge. A place where everyone can wind down after the chaos and just be. Bucky carries Steve into one of the spare bedrooms, and you properly attend to his wounds. You start by unclipping and disregarding his helmet, before passing your fingers through his flattened hair. Bucky takes it from you, putting it by the window sill.

The bottom half of his face was painted with ash, which despite his predicament, makes you bite your lip to keep from giggling. He smirks at you, and you smile back warmly, wiping his face with a washcloth and a bucket of warm water, careful not to disturb his blooming bruises. You examine them softly. Your fingertips tickle against Steve's chin, but he doesn't complain. You hand him the bucket and he spits in it, ridding most of the blood in his mouth.

Whilst the bucket became more and more clouded with the backwash of the battle, Steve looked more and more like himself. You were so tangled up in Steve, you almost forgot Bucky was there until you hear the sound of his voice. His tone seemed to be sweetened by the sight of how his two friends have grown so much closer than when he left them.

"I'll give you lovebirds some space."

Before he turns to leave, (and supposedly find Sam) Steve clasps his hand on Bucky's arm. "It's good to have you back, Buck. We missed you."

Bucky gives you both a warm grin, nods, then leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

You take off Steve's uniform with languid movements, and he releases a sigh of relief. He was still sore, and unbelievably lethargic, but being this close to you made his brain all fuzzy, blocking out physical pain, to just feel you. He leans forward, resting the weight of his bare shoulder on you as he kisses you softly. The kiss was full of a strong ardour that seeped right into your bones, yet fragile enough, so that both your insecurities shone through. You'd have to rebuild much of yourselves later on, especially after today. Brick by broken brick, you'll both assemble your castles again. But for now, the kiss was enough to put a band-aid over everything.

"Love you, darlin'"

His voice spirals down your ear canals like melted chocolate, almost making you forget your own name. It made you drunk and alert at the same time, a familiar buzz running through your body. And when you smiled down at him, as sweet and soft as whipped cream, you didn't have to return the phrase. He knew. Steve had always been sentimental in that way, even when he wasn't there beside you. Like the months he spent AWOL as a fugitive after the whole Winter Soldier incident in Washington. He'd send you cuttings of your favourite flowers in an envelope, every now and then. No address, no name, no sender, but you knew it was him. You knew they meant 'I love you, be safe, I'll be back when I sort everything out.'

You pull away slowly from his lips, giggling, eliciting Steve to chuckle too. Such a sound was too rare nowadays, and you savoured it, locking the sound in your head to replay over and over later on.

"Okay, Cap. No more distractions, I gotta get you all clean and patched up."

"Only if you kiss me like a war just ended," he bargains.

"Alright, baby. But no frisky business. I'm exhausted."

Steve winks, adding a flirty little salute on the end "Yes, ma'am."

You'd left the curtain half open, hanging the fabric over the top of the window frame like a limp puppy ear. That way, the sunlight came through the window pane in mellow slices, coating your skin in a warm blanket of light while you indulge in Steve's kisses again.

He tasted like salt and cinders, but among that, after five long years, he finally tasted like Steve again. He was starting to heal. And it had cost him the mantle of Captain America, but planning to place it in Sam's care, it was a price he was willing to pay.

 Taglist:

@asgardiangurll @avengingnatasha​ @whyamihere-bro​

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

I hate how Endgame treats Thor. Him gaining weight, that's not the problem. That can happen to people who've gone through extreme bouts of depression. It's the content fat jokes and unsympathetic framing to make him look pathetic. Oh, but look he's still worthy so that makes it okay.

No one outside Rocket and Bruce have a significant conversation with Thor. They barely talk to him outside making jokes. Like, that's their friend and teammates. Would it have killed them to have some empathy.

Ugh I hate it too.

I think it's out of character for pretty much everyone involved. I don't think Valkyrie would ignore the hell out of him when he was drinking his life away because she knows exactly what that is and she had spent enough time with him and Loki to know how important his brother was to him (and Heimdall!).

It makes no sense for Rhodey who has always been a compassionate and understanding character who had to put up with so much crap from Stark. He would have never made those jokes to Thor when knows just how bad he's had it.

It makes no sense for Steve to look at him with contempt and not take one goddamn second to just check on him. And yes, I get that Steve had lost way too much as well but precisely because of that! This kid is compassion on legs. He took the time to speak to Natasha and try to help her, are you seriously telling me he would be rolling his eyes at Thor? Absolutely fucking not.

The only one I think acted in-character was Rocket. We saw in GoTG that pep talks and compassion are really not his thing (while he's right in what he says to Drax, the way he says it is way too cruel), and he lost every single member in his team so it makes sense for him to be mad. But if the directors were going to show that scene and the jokes and his teammates not giving a damn about him, they should have given us something else because Thor did NOT deserve any of that.

You know what breaks my heart? That what has Thor really learnt throughout that whole thing? That he's alone. Utterly, completely alone. That in the past he's tried to be there for everyone and while yes, his behaviour with Loki could have been better, but Thor put up with a lot as well and he was always there... but the moment he falters who is there for him? No wonder he leaves with the Guardians.

That's one of the things I hate about EG. In Avengers the team was still getting to know each other, in AoU there was a sense of found family among them, they got closer, they felt more like friends than coworkers. But come EG all that is gone and they only feel like a bunch of people who would rather be anywhere else than together, who are only preoccupied with fixing the snap then leaving each other to live their lives. All that just to give us one of the worst cases of amatonormativity known in fiction.

[captainjimothycarter]

You asked for a prompt... random thought for you. What would happen if the whole time travel thing was causing Steve's serum to fade out in a sense? Like endgame with skinny Steve and he gets all adorable and worried about things?

this is prob not wnat you want, but enjoy almost 3k of rambling. 

--

This had happened before.

When he stood inside Peggy’s office, looking at an older Peggy with gray in her hair, he felt like his breath had been taken from his lungs. He felt like the walls were closing in on him, his chest felt considered smaller than what it had become. 

At the time, Steve had other things to worry about than what he passed off as just an overwhelming sense of emotions, he had the fate of the world resting on his shoulders. Yet now that it was over and he stood with a bloodied shield in hand, he could feel his legs giving out on him, and his world was growing considerably smaller.

He never felt his body hit the ground.

“...don’t know, notes were gone.”

“What do you mean we don’t know? It’s been...fuck...years.”

“Exactly that, we don’t know much about the serum. We only know what the monitors tell us and that’s nothing good.”

“You do know I’m awake, right?” Steve grunted as he forced himself to sit up from the hospital bed. 

Something wasn’t right. Hell - a lot of things weren’t right. For one, he couldn’t see color. No white or chrome or Shuri’s golden bracelets, Bucky’s silver and golden arm, or even Sam’s red goggles.

His left ear, it was tingling. He could barely hear Bucky’s low grunting whisper to Shuri’s ear. He could barely see her shrugging. Even as he sat there, staring at the trio, he could feel his vision worsening.

Without even taking a lungful of air, he knew how hard it would be to breathe. He’s had nightmares on this - even recently - about his ailments, about waking up small and powerless. His chest was aching with the desperate need of a full breath he was terrified to take, not wanting to have his fears to be concerned. Even without it, there was that low, dull ache in the base of his spine that followed into his stomach, like someone twisting a knife.

He’d lost the serum. 

It had lasted him until the battle and -

Steve’s eyes fell to the bandages around his wrists, slowly peeling them back. He slapped away Bucky’s hand that reached out of habit to stop him from picking, a decades-old habit neither had grown out of. Underneath the bandage confirmed his fears to be true (as if everything else hadn’t), a jagged scar from where Thanos’ blade had cut into him. Healed by Shuri’s technology but still a scar, proving the serum couldn’t save him.

Question was, even as three sets of eyes stared at him, waiting for some sort of reaction, what now?

He still knew the answer, that hadn’t changed.

She’d love him anyway.

--

“Steven?” 

The name was whispered as if anything louder would cause the veil to break, to break what only could be a dream between them.

Her hand reached out before sense seemed to catch up to her and it was jerked away. She stood in the doorway of a yellow house with a wrap-around porch, her newspaper still sitting at his feet. He could smell her, smell that familiar perfume she wore during the war. It still made his eyes water with how strong it was. 

She took up the whole doorway, hand curled around the frame and jaw tense. He’d seen that look before, her jaw twitching ever so slightly. Even without being able to see it, he knew her hand around the frame was clenching it tightly. 

“Well?” Peggy snapped, drawing Steve out of his thoughts.

He was still staring at her, mouth opened, just in unbelievable belief that he was standing in front of her. That he was here, with her, that he was home. 

“I-” He swallowed, throat bobbing. “I’m sorry what?”

Her lips twitched, almost threatening to smile. “I asked who in the hell are you because you’re obviously not Steven Grant Rogers. Captain Rogers died a year ago. Either work has finally gotten to me or you’re an imposter. A failed imposter at that.”

It was Steve’s turn to smile and he could’ve sworn her eyes softened 

“I can swear to you that I am, P-Peggy.” His breath hitched, trying to keep all these overwhelming emotions tamed. Last he needed was to have a panic attack on her doorstep. “I know it doesn’t look like it but I-I can’t...you won’t believe me.”

Reaching into his pocket, Steve pulled out the compass that never left his pocket. It had a few more dents than she last saw, a little more rusted. The hinges squeaked as Steve slowly opened it and passed it to her. Peggy’s fingers delicately brushed over his own as she took it, her face paling of all color as she looked up at Steve.

“But...how? We looked for you. And you’re...the serum…”

Peggy Carter was the last person ever to pity him. It wasn’t pity in her eyes, it was concern because she knew what the serum meant to him, but she also knew the health advocates that came with losing the serum.

She was worried for him and Christ if that just didn’t make him love her more.

“I can explain. There’s a lot you won’t understand but I...I can’t explain. Can I…?” 

A shiver ran up his spine as he tilted his head into the room, a chill washing over him as the fall wind blew. 

“Of course… Let me call Chester and tell him I won’t be at work. I won’t say anything about you,” she quickly explained at Steve’s panic look. Despite it, he knew she didn’t agree with that line of thought - not yet.

--

“Let me get this straight,” Peggy sighed, lowering the warmed mug of brandy. Steve remembered just how she liked her winter drinks. “You were in the future. Then…”

She waved her hand and sighed heavily. They’ve been at this for hours. For the most part, Steve had done all the talking but she’s commented a few questions that couldn’t wait, down to a few comments. At first, they started at opposite ends of the couch and now were sitting thigh-to-thigh. 

Steve’s head tilted, his downy soft, blonde locks falling in his face. Her eyes tracked his hand as they brushed it back. “Go on. Yes, I was in the future.”

She shot him a look that he flushed out - Lord, she’s missed that flushing. “And now you’re small because...time travel?”

“It’s a little more complicated than that and unless we want to call Howard, tell him I’m alive through time travel, that time travel exists, then...I don’t think we can get into a full explanation. To be honest, I understand it but I don’t understand it. Something about the...the effects of time travel through this-”-Steve held up the watch-like device she’d seen earlier-“and the serum, reverting my cells to before the serum.”

“No, no, and no. We are absolutely not calling Howard to tell him time travel exists. We will eventually call him to tell him you’re alive. In the morning. He’s out of the country, I’m afraid, until tomorrow.” And to be honest, she’s selfish. The second she lets the important people know that Steve is alive like Howard, Phillips, and the Commandos, then all hell will break loose. She’s selfish and just wants this one night with him. “Second, that doesn’t explain how you’re...better.” 

His plush, pink lips pursed together, in the same manner, they always did in thought. His eyes fell from her face, down to the steaming drink, and even further down to his hands. “I’m not, not exactly. I…” He tilted his head back and sighed. “It’s complicated, I think? Or maybe I think it’s complicated. You remember that girl I told you about? Shuri.”

“Yes? What about? You said you...”

“I woke up and was just smaller after-after the battle. After a long discussion on the possibilities, we worked on solutions for everything else. The asthma, the hearing, my sight, colorblindness, the...well everything. I’m small and for the most part 90% better thanks to her technology.”

His face pinched in a manner that told her yes he was grateful but this was a bitter pill for him to swallow. To accept he was smaller.

“She fixed everything the serum did but just not...the serum.”

“Shuri offered to replicate it, she was 90% sure she could and I had faith in her but…”

“But something told you not to.” Peggy’s eyes softened and she took his hand in her own. “That must’ve been hard for you to decide to do.”

“It was but I…” His mouth opened and closed and not for the first time, Peggy could truly see just how exhausted he was. It was deeper than just what a good night’s rest could fix, it was deeper than a soldier returning home. Steve had loved and lost. He’d been broken and repaired, his hope snatched from him, just to crack his facade even more. Her heart broke for him. “I wasn’t sure how it would be with...what little is in me and...well...everything.”

There was no true answer to why he denied Shuri’s help. Pride maybe, but it felt like more. Maybe betrayed Erksine. Maybe he just wanted to rest. Maybe he was just selfish.

Maybe he was terrified if it worked, it could be taken from him again.

“Question is,” Peggy mused after a long moment of silence that was only broken up by the sound of her fire crackling. “What are you going to do now?”

Steve smirked, suddenly aware of how close they were. He could see the shine of red on her lips, smell the brandy on her breath. It felt like home as their lips pressed together.

“Help you change the world.”

--

“Explain...explain this to me one more time.”

Howard was laid back on the chair, legs thrown up on the ottoman. He had at least pulled on a robe for them, even if it laid open and his chest hair was exposed. His hair was a devilish mess, having constantly run his hand through it. He still wasn’t looking at Peggy, his eyes firmly on the small guy in front of him that said he was Steve.

He wasn’t drunk. No, it was still 1 pm, even if he just woke up. These were sober hours. Peggy wouldn’t let him drink.

“How are you small?”

Steve couldn’t help but share the look with Peggy, then with Jarvis (who just looked so relieved he was here). Jarvis knew the full truth (thus, so did Ana because they never kept secrets from one another).

“I told you,” Steve sighed, hating lying to Howard but Howard didn’t need to know. Time travel and Howard was a dangerous mix. “I was found in the ice and-”

“Bullshit!”

He’d never seen Howard move so quickly. The man looked almost angry and Steve’s breath picked up as he took a stumbling step back. He was caught by Peggy before he fell.

“What sort of idiot do you take me, Rogers?” Howard bellowed, eyes moving from both parties. “The both of you! I looked! We both looked! We looked and looked and looked and-” 

“Sir.” Jarvis was by his side, leading a distressed Howard back to his chair. “May I suggest that you calm down?”

“No,” Howard grumbled, closing his eyes, rubbing at his temples. “I looked. How are you suddenly here? A-a year later. How? How?! We looked, I-”

“Time travel,” Peggy suddenly spat, hating how distressed her friend look. She sighed and took Steve’s hand. “Time travel, and no, Howard, we won’t go into details. I certainly don’t understand it and you do not need to know the details of time travel. Or-or any of it. Not yet, Steven need to rest, we can discuss perhaps later if-”

“Steven is fine,” Steve grumbled, taking his hand from Peggy’s to stand up. He looked back at Howard’s shocked face. “Okay, the cat’s out of the bag. I used time travel to come back to Peggy. I’m sorry Howard, we just worried how you’d accept it - that time travel exists.”

For once, Howard Stark was too shocked to say a damn thing in his life.

--

“So, Howard knows,” Peggy sighed, rubbing at her temples, “about time travel. Not something I had hoped we’d discuss but here we are. We agree he’s to know very minimum amounts about the future.”

Steve’s head bobbed along from where he rested against her lap on their shared couch. It’s quickly become their favorite spot. “It wasn’t worth lying to him, to see his distress. It killed me. It reminded me so much about T-”

Peggy’s eyes fell to his and her hand scratched at his scalp. “Tony,” she finished. He nodded and she picked his head up to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m sorry we lied to him too, but now he knows the truth. I’m still not getting over him running over that table to hug you once he’s over the shock.”

“Never known him to be flexible.”

“Wave the right amount of alcohol in his face and you’ll learn new facts about Howard,” she snickered, making Steve roll his eyes.

“So I’m just the trophy husband?” he teased her, making Peggy laugh. “Howard provides the funds.”

“Howard provides the charisma. You are certainly the best trophy husband I could ask for.” She kissed him and he felt his body slack into hers. “I love you, Steven.”

“I love you too, Peggy.”

--

“When you said you had an urgent meeting with us, Pegs, this isn’t what I expected,” Dugan grumbled as he adjusted himself in the chair. “Back on stateside with Phillips coming in? What’s going on?”

Peggy, for her sake, sat on the edge of her desk that had come to the start of serving as the threshold of SHIELD. Phillips and Howard were behind her (Steven, of course too because they couldn’t get this far without his future references). She pulled on the suit she was wearing, a habit she couldn’t help. She did her best not to look where Steve waited in the side closet that often served as a nesting room when she was too tired to go home.

Before Steve had returned of course.

The Howling Commandos were patient as ever, meaning they weren’t one bit patient. Dugan was squirming like a kid in his chair, already knowing he was in trouble. Jones was bouncing his leg, Pinky was fiddling with her pen, Jim was folding a sheet of paper into an origami butterfly, and Montgomery and the others had walked off to find coffee. 

“And what did you think the call was about, Dugan?” Peggy challenged, raising an eyebrow.

Dugan, for his sakes, shrugged. “I don’t know. Nothing good, I supposed. Trouble follows you.”

“Only because you bait it,” Jones spoke up, making her laugh.

“We thought it was to tell us you’ve officially taken over the SSR as a one-woman show and needed our help,” Jim spoke up, blowing on the butterfly so it fluttered towards her.

Peggy caught it with ease and smiled. “That’s on the back burner - this is more important. I-”

The door slamming open cut them off. Phillips was a grump - he hated being woken up in the morning by a call that made no sense.

“Alright, Carter, tell me why I am here at 4 in the goddamn morning, with no coffee and why did you pull these guys from their project, if-”

“Steve is alive,” Peggy said firmly, cutting off Phillips’ I’m a grump rambling. 

That surely shocked them into silence. She saw Phillips and Dugan’s shared look - no doubt a conversation that has had about her beforehand and her dedication to finding Steve shortly after his death. 

“Peggy,” Phillips breathed, his eyes told her all. He wasn’t her boss, he was her friend, her gruff friend who was worried about her. “We-”

“Holy shit,” Montgomery breathed from the doorway, dropping the coffee he was holding. No one paid attention to it shattering on the floor. Their eyes were on Steve in the doorway.

A much skinnier Steve than they remembered.

“What the fu-”

“Language, Jones,” Steve said, out of instinct. He could see Peggy’s grin, a relieved look on her face. “There’s a lady present.”

“A lady that curses more than this sorry lot,” Peggy snorted, instantly taking Steve’s hand. She turned to look back at Phillips with a raised brow.

“I demand an explanation,” Phillips breathed, taking half a step in, glass crunching under his foot. “Kid, I knew you were too stubborn to die. Too stubborn to be told no. It’s so good you’re alive.”

“Small, but mighty,” Dugan chimed in with a tearful grin. “Christ, Stevie, come here.”

All Peggy and Phillips could do were look on as the 5’4 Captain was soon overtaken by the numerous hugs and shouts that echoed around her empty office at four in the morning.

--

“Are you ever going to tell me the truth?” Phillips huffed at her, making Peggy smile over the cup of coffee hours later.

The Howlies had finally left to catch a few hours of sleep, Steve had fallen asleep on her office couch. The poor guy was just tired. An exhaustion she feared he’d never rested. Sleep never seemed to be enough.

“I did,” Peggy mused, lowering the cup to her desk. She didn’t need to look up to see Phillip’s glowering look.

“He’s lucky to have survived at all,” Phillips sighed, looking over at Steve. “Frozen, the future, and returning back to you. The life we lead, it’s amazing.” He gave a small laugh as he raised his cup in cheers towards Steve. “You really got that second chance at being with him.”