#i have a working playlist of songs i’ve had going on repeat before and this one is getting yeeted right on

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

So I guess it’s time for me to advertise to the entire neighborhood how insufferably neurodivergent I am by blaring a very specific playlist on a portable speaker while I ride my bike around the neighborhood, wearing very specific clothes — holding my hands, face, and posture in a very specific way — and pray to Satan (not really… I’m agnostic just like someone else, unironically) they understand what I’m trying to tell them with the music, and make the connection between the name I’m alluding to and exactly what that name means, and put two and two together that the name will happen to them if they take any pamphlets from my father seriously and decide to convert to the path of “everlasting life on a paradise earth” ahahAhAHAHAHA I AM MAD SCIENTIST! (sunuvabitch)

[kaz-oooo]

Seen some people talking about Lovejoy and Wilbur Soot’s music and feeling very upset about letting go of those songs since they brought a lot of comfort and joy.

I’m not gonna tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. I think it’s ultimately up to you to decide if you want to continue listening to Wilbur’s music or not. What I am gonna do is list some alternative artists that I either think have similar vibes or I know Wilbur / Lovejoy had cited as inspirations so you guys can find some new tunes without stepping too far out of you comfort zone.

(Also feel free to tag on and add your own suggestions as well, the more the merrier)

Lovejoy

Arctic Monkeys — when Wilbur started the band he claimed he wanted to be like the Arctic Monkeys one day. I’ve also described a lot of their later music as being very similar to Arctic Monkeys, so if you like Wake Up and It’s over and Normal People Things then you’d love them

Los Campansino’s — Wilbur has stated before that this is his favourite band so.. very likely big inspiration for his music. Lovejoy did a cover of Knee Deep at ATP, their version is a bit more chill than the original. I’m a big Los Campansino’s fan honestly, but for stuff Lovejoy related I’ve say the albums “Sick Scenes” and “Romance Is Boring” would have the most appeal.

Wet Leg — just a good band that I think has a similar vibe, especially with themes and funky tunes. Also I’ve seen Wilbur list them in his personal playlists before so he enjoys them as well

Good Kid — not a personal favourite of mine, but their songs have similar vibes and they toured with Lovejoy as well so Lovejoy enjoy their music.

James Marriot — (editing Kaz here.. not gonna change the phrasing of this part but I’ve been told James Marriott has unfollowed Wilbur on Twitter) friend of Wilbur’s (do with that information as you will) excellent musician and would heartily recommend his music if you haven’t listened already. Also worked very closely with the band before, especially in the early days so I wouldn’t doubt they’ve influenced each others music quite a bit

MSR and YCGMA

100gecs and other hyperpop artists — admittedly not a genre I listen to a lot, but if you liked Dropshipped Cat Shirt, especially the ending, then you’ll vibe with this genre a lot.

Jack Stauber — Wilbur’s been a longtime fan of his music, it’s a bit weird and silly on a surface level but nice and miserable as well. If you like MSR I’d recommend.

Crywank — helped Wilbur with producing MSR, plus I think Wilbur took some heavy inspiration from them as well. If you like miserable music you’ll love Crywank. (Also Lovejoy did a cover of privately owned, so if you liked that go check out the original)

More Los Campansino’s — ok.. I’m repeating bands now, but I’m recommending different albums this time! “We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed” “Hello Sadness” and “No Blues”

Peach Pit — again, not a favourite of mine but they have nice chill vibes and the songs I’ve listened to are just as miserable as these albums.

Beabadoobee — once again, not someone I listen to a lot, but definitely got the same chill acoustic music as YCGMA especially, Lovejoy had done a cover of The Perfect Pair so if you liked that, and you like these albums you’d like beabadoobee.

E-girl Trilogy / comedy music

Bo Burnham — another favourite artist of Wilbur’s, someone else he’s cited as an inspiration and top tier comedy tunes! If you like Wilbur’s sadder music as well you’d definitely enjoy Inside. Otherwise his older music is great and very fun!

Lemon Demon — probably not an inspiration for Wilbur’s comedy music, but he’s definitely listened to it, it’s very fun and silly, also Ranboo highly recommends (as do I)

Other recommendations

Modern Baseball — found this band through Wilbur’s recommendations, they’re very fun and cool. Very Midwest emo, a genre that I think inspired MSR.

The Front Bottoms.. but with a warning — so I’m not super familiar with the story, but from memory a former member abused a fan, they aren’t apart of the band anymore but the current members handled the situation very poorly. This was another favourite band of Wilbur’s and I get why, very emotional and angsty. I find their lyrics hit a bit harder than Modern Baseball’s but they make very similar music.

AJJ — kinda similar to Crywank, another band I found through Wilbur’s recommendation.

Radiohead / the smiths / the cure / the strokes / just 70’s and 80’s alt rock bands — Wilbur definitely enjoys this music and took inspiration here and they’re all very cool and fun. I’m not super familiar with these bands but I know a lot from this time have good old controversies so be mindful of that, but yeahhh good music!

I don’t know how but the found me — alt/indie rock band with very fun tunes! Sits alongside Wilbur’s comedy music and Lovejoy in my playlists a lot of the times so.. if you like those two you’d probably like this band :) also Dallon Weekes deserves all the love in the world, all his former bandmates (Brendon Urie and Ryan Seaman) keep fucking him over.

Cavetown — not sadboy acoustic like YCGMA but very chill and good acoustic tunes nonetheless. Also a bit similar to Beabadoobee so if you like that you’ll like this :) oh also, i know a lot of people liked Lovejoy cos they gave off a lot of aromantic vibes, Cavetown is openly Aro / Ace so.. lots of aro vibes in his music :D

Yotam Perel — Wilbur used his music in the background of his streams, typically the album "Nice Snakes" but he used "A Long List of Short Songs" as well. It's great background music honestly, some songs have entered my top 100 playlists on spotify, but yeah, if you liked the funky tunes in the back of the geoguessr streams, this is what he played

[sturniolosangel]

step on me- matt sturniolo

masterlist

warnings: heartbreak, insecure thoughts, crying, panic attack, use of drugs/alcohol, kissing, a little bit of “smut” ig, arguing, cursing, use of y/n. not proof read! this is for my soft girls.

summary: reader is in love with matt but would never tell him. when matt kisses another girl will she snap?

anytime i’ve every tried to make a move on matt or give him hints his mind is on another topic. i don’t want to step my boundaries when he’s working on himself. my mental health would make his worse and i would never want to do that to him.

so i kept my distance but lately he’s been flirting with me making little comments about what i had on. i was getting ready for a meeting an he just had to say “wow you look amazing do a spin for me” smiling at him i of course twirled around as my heels clinked the floor. he pulled me in by my waist just looking at me licking his lips.

“matt i have to go i’ll see you when i get back” i said pulling him into a hug. i walked out the door repeating in my mind.

you can’t y/n.

you would ruin him.

just forget about it.

he’d never like someone like you.

now here i am getting ready for a party that he’s going to repeating those same words. i apply my makeup covering my dark circles from the sleepless nights i’ve had. i finished my makeup putting on lipgloss as i walk to closet choosing what to wear.

do i go casual with just a black dress? my eyes wondered around my closet grabbing a black lacy top, a leather skirt, some tights, and a black jacket. i slipped my clothes on looking at myself. all i see is person who isn’t me. why am i trying to impress him?

i sigh as i unlock my phone scrolling through tiktok and instagram. i get a call from nick that they were there to pick me up. my stomach dropped forgetting matt was driving me. i took a deep breath in saying back into the phone that i’ll be right out.

i put my boots on as i walked outside my house and locking the door behind me. i was met with nicks smile as i got in the back seat. “hey guys what’s up” i spoke softly as i put my seatbelt on. “nothing much just been chilling all day” chris answered as i nod my head. “i’m just got super tired i don’t know why” i groan. matt looked back to me in the mirror as he said “you alright” i gave him a smile nodding my head once again. “okay let’s go!” nick said tapping matt’s arm.

the whole car ride was filled with jamming out to song after song. i knew a few but some of them i didn’t know that i was for sure going to be adding to my playlist. i tried to ignore the stare i was getting everything we were at a red light. whether it was through the mirror or him turning his head to talk to one of his brothers but i just couldn’t keep my eyes off him. i never can.

as we arrived to the party there was already people doing every drug in the book. matt found somewhere to park once again looking at me for far to long. my thoughts were cut off as nick told me to come on as he opened my door. i groaned as i hopped out.

i was hit with the smell of weed as i walked through the door. i smiled to myself as i said bye to the boys an i made my way to the liquor. i started making myself a vodka and sprite swaying my hips a little to the music in the background.

i sipped my cup thinking i had to get my mind off matt. i found a fine ass man leaning against the wall as i down my drink an walk over to him. “wanna dance” i questioned. “sure baby” he answered as i grabbed his hand and brought him to where everyone was dancing at.

my back was now against his chest my hand reaching behind me for his neck as i moved my hips against him. his hands on my hips wrapping around my waist. i moan as he runs his hands up my torso to my boobs. he slightly laughs as he puts his head in my shoulder kissing as i tilt my head to the side.

i look to the side as i am met with those pretty blue eyes i was avoiding all night. his look is something i’ve never seen before, jealousy shaming me from his eyes to mine. the man i was dancing with now had became someone i needed to get away from.

as the song ended i pull away from him as i spoke “it was amazing dancing with you but i have to go find my friends” i walked away groaning. once again making another drink putting more alcohol than i need. why am i freaking out like i just cheated? i’m not even with him.

i grab the whole bottle of tito’s sipping it as i walk outback. i sit down on a chair pulling out a cigarette lighting it with the lighter from my pocket. “you look like you’re going through a tough time” i look up to see who it was. “chris why do you always have to care so much?” i spoke taking a hit from my cigarette.

“because i can tell you’ve made some bad decisions tonight since you have a whole bottle of alcohol and you’re smoking” he sighed sitting to me. i knew when he started conversations like this i would have to tell him what’s wrong. “well first i was dancing on a dude who i don’t even like. second your brother never wants to make up his mind an it’s driving me crazy.” i said throwing the end of my cig on the ground smashing it with my shoe.

he wrapped his arms around me hugging me. “i’m sorry i know how he gets y/n.” he spoke softly as i smiled. his eyes wondered as he gasped covering my eyes with his hand. “i don’t want you to die from drinking so much so please don’t look.” he stated. “chris what the fuck are you talking about let me see” i ripped his hand of my eyes looking where his eyes were.

“oh my god i think im gonna throw up” i said as i tried to move but i couldn’t eyes glued on to matt kiss some girl. one hand on her waist and the other on her face kissing her with passion. i felt my stomach turn as i shook my head grabbing the bottle and trying to get away asap. “y/n wait!” chris yelled after me as he got up. thoughts wouldn’t stop running through my head.

why did i dance with that guy.

is that why matt kissed her?

was he jealous?

y/n he would never like you that’s why he kissed another girl.

my breath going in and not coming out as i put a hand on chest trying to calm myself down as tears ran down my face. how could i be so stupid? i was now against a wall in a hallway of a house i don’t know throwing my head back panicking because i couldn’t breath. until i felt a pair of arms wrap around me. “it’s okay. please breath y/n. just breath” chris said.

i fell to floor him catching me. “chris i can’t.” i spoke softly crying against him. “can’t what? talk to me it’s just us.” he said rubbing my back. “i can’t live knowing i’m in love with matt, i’m so sorry because i know that’s your brother and you’re supposed to be there for him.” i whispered pulling away an sitting against the wall.

he slides to me making sure i’m okay. “why does he have to walk all over me?” i question putting my face in my palms. “maybe because he’s an idiot” he quietly laughs. “go find him. talk to him. set him straight” he encouraged me. “thank you chris i don’t know what i would do without you” i say giving him a hug and getting up.

i walked into every room, every corner, every hallway, but no matt. until he was right behind me calling my name. i froze, i wanted to talk to him but now i don’t think i want a answer to any of my questions. i turned around as i was face to face with the man who’s messing with my head.

“we need to talk” we both spoke to each other. i nodded grabbing his hand bringing him to a empty room. “chris said you wanted to talk to me” he said sitting on the bed infront of us. “why do you act like this?” i asked bluntly. “like what y/n.” he answered with confusing.

“like you want to kiss me one moment then you want to kiss another girl the other. god how could i be so stupid.” i say raising my voice. matt didn’t said anything just looked down. “i hate to say this but you’ve taken control of my mind matt! you’re spinning inside my head every second i breath. i have to distract myself with boys who will never compare to you!” i spoke pushing my finger into his chest.

“y/n please..” i cut him off speaking again.

“you have ahold of my heart an you can squeeze every drop of blood out of it but please don’t tell me you don’t feel anything between us!” my voice getting louder. “y/n!” he yelled. i stepped back from him.

“god you don’t get it do you? you’re the only girl i want. that girl meant nothing to me! just seeing you with someone who isn’t me mad me jealous.” he spoke pulling me in between his legs. “jealous?” i questioned looking down at him. “yes. just seeing another guy look at you makes me angry and i am so sorry that i kissed her i promise i don’t want her.” he said rubbing the back of my thighs.

“i’m sorry too matt. i should have never danced with that guy when all i wanted was you.” i sighed grabbing his chin so his eyes meet mine. “i love you okay don’t you forget it” he almost whispered to me. “i love you more than life itself matt.” i whisper back putting his face in my hand.

“can you kiss me?” he asked looking up at me with almost doe eyes. i nodded my head leaning down connecting our lips. he pulled my legs so i was sitting on his lap not breaking the kiss.

matt sturniolo was going to ruin me.

a/n: arm guys this was so bad but i hoped you enjoyed! my next 3 fics will be requested matt smuts so get your horny asses ready!

as always i🤍u.

[danielfuckingricciardo]

oh fun! 27 & fernando alonso?

Hi Anon! Thank you for the request!!

This is the last of the OG requests, from now all the rest will be from today! I’m sorry for the wait!

This one is very much inspired by the lyrics I’ve quoted, and also by my recent trip to London and how much I hate being so close to random strangers on the tube! I hope you enjoy it!

(Translations from Spanish to English can be found at the bottom of the fic!)

Song 27 - All The Small Things // Blink-182

Pairing - Fernando Alonso x Reader

Word Count - 1.6k

Content Warnings - Swearing, blood mention, injury mention (very minor)

Late night, come home Work sucks, I know She left me roses by the stairs Surprises let me know she cares

You knew from the start that being in a long distance relationship would never be easy, but somehow, you and Fernando managed to make it work despite all of the hardships that came with it. It wasn’t the fear of infidelity that made it hard for you, you trusted him completely, and for you, there could be no one else but him, but instead just being apart made your heart hurt.

The sun had long since set, and as you descended into the tube station you found your breathing becoming shaky as you struggled to hold back the tears that had been brewing since you had left your office.

Your day had been hell. From 8am you had found yourself inundated with emails from snarky clients, impatient supervisors and lazy co-workers. When the brief respite that is your lunch hour rolled around, you found that someone else in the office had eaten your lunch, causing you to go hungry for the rest of the day as you were far too busy to go and pick something up. And to top it all off, your boss had called you into his office before your shift had ended to let you know that you had to participate in ‘company-wide downsizing’ and lay off two of your staff.

Right now, you wanted nothing more than to collapse into the strong arms of your boyfriend, to bury your head in his neck and sob into the soft material of his shirt. But you couldn’t. He wasn’t there.

Your train arrives and you cram yourself into the tightly packed carriage, just barely finding the time to grab the handrail before it begins to move. You stumble forward and your phone slips from your hands, hitting the ground with a crack.

‘Please don’t be broken! Please don’t be broken!’ You repeat to yourself in your head as you reach down to retrieve it.

You flip your phone over to reveal a small crack in the corner of the screen. Luckily, it still works, and you unlock it and immediately search for Fernando’s contact, typing him a quick message before hitting send;

Work was fucking awful. I wish I was with you right now <3

You lock your phone and stash it away in your pocket, hoping to avoid any other possible mishaps on a day that, frankly, seemed to have been cursed by satan himself.

As the train arrives at your station, you push through the horde of commuters and jump onto the platform. You sigh deeply in relief, thankful that your head is no longer in proximity to a stranger’s sweaty armpit, and retrieve your headphones from your pocket. You jam them in your ears and grab your phone to shuffle your favourite playlist.

You press play, and the perfect song begins to blast in your ears, grounding you as you begin your walk home into the night.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you hurriedly retrieve it, hoping it was Fernando replying to your earlier message. You weren’t sure what time it was wherever he was in the world, it could be the middle of the night right now and you weren’t to receive a text until the next morning, but part of you hoped and prayed that it was him and not some stupid spam email or your shitty boss not understanding the concept of a healthy work/life balance.

A pain shoots through your thumb where you had grabbed the screen of your phone, and you notice a small splinter of glass from your broken screen buried in the sensitive skin.

“Fuck!” You say to no one in particular as you remove the splinter and bring your thumb up to your mouth to clean away the blood.

Annoyed but not deterred, you unlock your phone and see the first good thing to happen to you that day - Fernando had replied.

Oh no hermosa! I wish I was with you too. Te amo mi corazón <3 We will be together soon

You can’t help but grin like an idiot at your phone screen as you make the final turn onto your street. The only thing getting you through the long, dull days at work was the promise that the two of you would be reunited the following week. You’d actually have the chance to be a real couple, to do normal things that you rarely had the chance to do. You could vent to him about the stresses of work as you lay your head in his lap, and he’d run his fingers through your hair the way you always liked, allowing the stresses of the day to just melt away.

As you put your key in the front door, you hear Tina, the old woman who lives next door, tap on the window beside you. You jump, and she chuckles at you behind the glass.

She disappears for a moment, before emerging from her own front door, a smile playing on her lips.

“Looks like you have a secret admirer, dear. The postie brought these for you this morning, but since you weren’t in I had to sign for them.” She says, and she retrieves an ornate bouquet of deep red roses from behind the door.

You take them in your arms and open the attached note.

A rose for every day we have been apart, mi corazón. Te amo.

You fold the note in half and take a deep breath, before promptly bursting into tears.

“Are you okay, love?” Tina asks, and you nod your head.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just had a really bad day at work and I’ve been feeling terrible, but I have the best boyfriend in the world. I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve him. He’s away working and yet he still thinks about all these little things.” You say between sobs, and your neighbour wraps her arm around your shoulders.

“Is he gorgeous as well as kind? A stunner like you must have a hunky boyfriend.” She says, and you chuckle, wiping away your tears with your free hand.

“This was us on holiday in Cancun back in December, does he pass the Tina test?” You ask, showing her the photo of the two of you on the beach you had set as your Lock Screen following the trip.

“Crikey! He’s gorgeous. A bit older, I didn’t expect that, but good on you. Does he live with you? I haven’t seen him about.” Tina asks.

“No, no he doesn’t. He travels a lot, for work, so I only get to see him when our schedules align. I hate it, I wish I could be with him all the time but… it’s hard.” You say, and Tina gives you a sympathetic smile.

“He travels a lot, you say, does this job pay a lot?” She asks, and you chuckle. Oh, if only she knew.

“You could say that, yeah.” You say, and Tina gives you a confused look.

“Then why haven’t you given up your terrible job that makes you miserable to travel with him?” She asks, and you pause for a moment.

“I guess, when we first got together, I didn’t want him to think that I was just in it for the money. I wanted to keep my own life too, I didn’t just want to be his accessory.” You say, and Tina shakes her head.

“But if work makes you miserable, and being with him makes you happy, then I see only one option, love. Life’s too short to waste it doing things that make you sad.” She says, and you nod, feeling the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle fall into place.

“By the way, he doesn’t happen to have an older brother… or a single father maybe?” Tina asks, and you laugh.

“Tina! I know for a fact your husband of fifty years is sat watching TV in the front room right now!” You say, and Tina chuckles.

“It’s always good to have a back-up plan.” She says, and you shake your head at her while laughing.

“Well, you and Fernando have certainly cheered me up this evening. Thanks for signing for the flowers.” You say, and Tina steps back behind the door.

“Any time, dear.” She responds, before closing the door.

You make your way over your own front door where your key still sat in the lock, the cogs of your brain turning at a record pace as Tina’s words play over and over again in your mind.

Dumping your work things in a pile on the kitchen counter, you immediately open your email app and add your boss’ address to the top;

You wanted the downsize, then allow me to make things easier for you.

This email is my official resignation from the company, and, as per my contract, comes into place with immediate effect.

Thanks, (Y/n) (Y/l/n)

You press send and the whoosh of the notification instantly lifts a weight off of your shoulders that you were completely unaware you were carrying. You were free. After this weekend there would be no horrible boss, no crappy coworkers who steal your lunch, no germ-ridden commutes and no more emails. It would just be you, and Fernando, and the world.

Translations:

Hermosa - Beautiful

Te amo - I love you

Mi corazón- My heart (like my love or my dear)

[god-complex-12]

Wannabe

— Paring; [Mr. Knight] Steven Grant x male reader. Fandom; Moon Knight/Marvel

Quote; “‘Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!’”

Description; Steven plays some music to lighten up the mood. Disclaimer; A story inspired by Wannabe by Spice Girls. Not a songfic. Fighting. (reader and his neighbor). Reader is in college. Reader is working on a school project.

Word Count: 1.1k

Masterlist

A/N: Even Steven Part 2!! I made this random playlist called Even Steven (Don’t try to find it on spotify I don’t use it). It’s basically songs that remind me of Steven, and I was thinking about making the songs into stories. I love this sm.

Y/N sighed as he continued typing away on his laptop. He was seated at his kitchen island, working on a college project. It was a presentation. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. It was about 9 in the morning, and Y/N has been working for two hours now.

“Y/N?” Y/N’s head snapped to the hallway where he saw Steven. He was slightly slumped, so Y/N could tell he had just woken up and was still tired. “Y/N, why are you up?”

“Oh, thi-”

“Is it that project? You’ve been working on that thing forever. I’ve never seen you strain yourself so much over a silly project.” Steven said, moving in the seat beside the college student.

Y/N shrugged, white jotting down a few points he got from the book sprawled in front of the computer.

“You never told me what it was on.” Steven said, looking over into the book.

“Dark matter.” Y/N said simply.

Steven cringed. “Complicated subject.”

Y/N shrugged. “No shit. This is due at 2 p.m.” He explained.

Steven looked at his phone and then smirked. “How about we play some music?”

“Why?” Y/N asked, dragging his finger under a line in the book as he read it. He then grabbed a highlighter and highlighted the sentence.

Steven shrugged. “To lighten the mood.” He said. “I got a song that’ll do just that.” He said with a grin. Steven grabbed the speaker on the counter and connected his phone to it. He scrolled through the app.

“You’re scaring me.” Y/N said, side-eyeing the man with curiosity.

Steven only giggled in response and pressed play on a song. “‘Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!’” Steven put a fist in front of Y/N’s face as if it were a microphone, waiting for him to sing the second verse.

Y/N stared at him with a deadpan expression and let the verse pass. Steven frowned. “Come on.” He said before going back to singing. “‘I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!’” He repeated the same action and Y/N sighed giving in.

“‘So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.’”

Steven pumped his fist in the air. “‘I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah!’”

Y/N went back to typing again. “‘If you want my future, forget my past. Of you wanna get with me, better make it last.’” He said tiredly.

“‘Now don’t go wasting my precious time!” Steven sang. All the tiredness Steven had was gone now.

“‘Get your act together, we could be just fine.”

“‘I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!’” Y/N smiled at Steven’s enthusiasm.

“‘So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.’” He sang with a bit more cheerful tone.

“‘I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah!”

“‘If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friend!’” Y/N sang.

“‘Gotta get with my friends!’” Steven whisper-yelled.

“‘Make it last forever, friendship never ends!’” Y/N abruptly stood up. He then pointed to Steven. “‘If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give! Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is!’”

“Oh, yeah!” Steven cheered.

“‘Oh, what you think about that? Now you know how I feel!’” He danced. “‘Say you could handle my love, are you for real?’”

“‘Are you for real?”” Steven whisper-yelled again. “‘I won’t be hasty, I’ll give you a try!’” He stood up with Y/N.

“‘If you really bug me, then I’ll say goodbye!’”

“‘Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!’”

“So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want!’” The two of them kept getting louder and louder.

“‘I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah!’”

Y/N turned up the music and continued singing. “‘If you wanna be my liver, you gotta get with my friends!’”

Steven played as the echo. “‘Gotta get with my friends!’”

“‘Make it last forever, friendship never ends!’” Y/N started singing into his imaginary microphone. “‘If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give!’”

Steven played his part again. “‘You’ve got to give, give!’”

“‘Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is!’”

Steven stood up on the sofa. “‘So here's the story from A to Z. You want to get with me, you gotta listen carefully. You got Em in the place, who likes it in the face. You got G like MC it on a-’”

“‘Easy V who doesn’t come for free, she’s a real lady.’”

“‘And as for me, ha, you’ll see!’”

Y/N joined him on the couch. “‘Slam your body down and wind it all around.’”

They both sang the second verse. “‘Slam your body down and wind it all around!’”

Y/N continued with his verse. “‘If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!’”

“‘Gotta get with my friends!’”

“‘Make it last forever, friendship never ends! If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give!’”

“‘You’ve got to give, give!’” Steven sang.

“‘Taking is to easy, but that’s the it is!’”

They both stopped when they heard banging at the door. “Shut the fuck up! It’s 9 in the fucking morning! I’ve got a date today and you’re giving me eye bags!”

“No one asked you, Nicole! Oh, I didn’t know the grinch was available outside of christmas. I’m not making them grocery holders saddier than they already are, promise me.” Y/N yelled back.

Steven giggled and turned off his music.

“Oh, you stuck-up twat! Karma’s gonna bite you in the arse!”

“Not as bad as those hemorrhoids. How’d that goin’ for ya?”

[cherrygirlystuff]

Who Is The Dare - The Man Behind Guess by Charli XCX and Billie Elish

Hey Bestie! 💖 Let’s Talk About ‘The Dare’ – The Guy Behind Those Iconic Tracks by Charli XCX & Billie Eilish!

Hey babe! 🌸 Grab your fave drink, get cozy, and let’s spill some tea on the music world’s latest obsession: The Dare! If you’ve been vibing to Charli XCX’s and Billie Eilish’s latest bops, you’re probably wondering, “Who is this guy?” Well, girl, I’ve got you covered.

First things first, who exactly is The Dare?

Imagine this: you’re at a party, the lights are low, and suddenly a track comes on that just makes you feel alive. That’s The Dare’s magic. The man behind the music is Harrison Patrick Smith, a multi-talented artist and producer who’s quickly making waves in the music industry. The Dare isn’t just a name – it’s a whole vibe. 💫

The Man Behind the Music 🎶

Harrison has been hustling in the music scene for a while, but it’s his work as The Dare that’s truly putting him on the map. He’s got this knack for blending genres, creating sounds that are both fresh and familiar – kinda like your go-to lipstick that just works with every outfit. His sound? It’s this delicious mix of edgy pop with a sprinkle of indie and a dash of that raw, gritty energy that makes you want to dance like no one’s watching.

Why Charli XCX and Billie Eilish Are Obsessed with Him 💖

Okay, so we all know Charli XCX and Billie Eilish have amazing taste in music. These queens don’t just collaborate with anyone – they pick artists who bring something new to the table. That’s where The Dare comes in.

For Charli, it’s all about pushing boundaries. She’s known for her experimental sound, and The Dare’s bold, unapologetic style is a perfect match. Together, they’ve created tracks that make you want to strut down the street like it’s your personal runway.

And Billie? We know our girl loves those deep, haunting beats that make you feel all the feels. The Dare’s ability to create moodier, atmospheric sounds is a dream come true for her. Their collab is like dark chocolate – rich, intense, and oh-so-satisfying.

The Dare’s Hits: "Girls," "Good Time," and the Latest Bop "You’re Invited" 🎤

Let’s dive into some of his absolute bangers. You’ve probably already had "Girls" and "Good Time" on repeat, right? These tracks are everything we love about The Dare – they’re catchy, a little rebellious, and 100% dance-worthy.

"Girls" is like the anthem of your wildest nights out. It’s got this infectious energy that makes you want to grab your girls and hit the town. The beat? Pure fire. And the lyrics? They just scream confidence and fun. It’s no wonder it’s become such a fave!

Then there’s "Good Time," which is all about living in the moment and just letting go. This song is your go-to for when you need to shake off the stress and have an epic time. It’s got that perfect mix of carefree vibes and a beat that makes you want to keep the party going all night long.

And guess what, babe? The Dare just dropped a brand new track called "You’re Invited." This one’s already shaping up to be a major hit. It’s got everything we love – killer beats, a catchy chorus, and that signature Dare vibe that makes you feel like you’re in on the coolest secret party ever. Trust me, you’re gonna want to add this one to your playlist ASAP!

The Future Looks Bright, Bestie! 🌟

So, what’s next for The Dare? If you ask me, I think we’re just at the beginning of his takeover. With his unique sound and the support of superstars like Charli and Billie, it’s only a matter of time before he’s the name on everyone’s lips.

So, next time you’re listening to one of those epic tracks, just know that The Dare is the mastermind behind it. And remember, babe, you heard it here first! 😉

Let’s keep our eyes (and ears) on The Dare – because this is one musical journey you don’t want to miss. Catch you on the flip side, bestie! 💋✨

Feel free to share this post, and let me know what you think about The Dare! Are you as obsessed as I am? Let's chat in the comments! 💕

[duckprintspress]

Meet Aether Beyond the Binary Contributor ilgaksu

Wondering what Aether Beyond the Binary is and why you should care? It’s Duck Prints Press’s latest anthology, currently crowdfunding: 17 stories, modern aetherpunk settings, outside-the-binary main characters! Help us reach our funding goals by checking out the campaign now!

About ilgaksu: Full-time fandom cryptid, Furby enthusiast, and the human embodiment of that one gif of Elmo on fire, ilgaksu was born and raised in an  undisclosed location, living in several others, and now currently residing in [REDACTED]. Their interests include collecting haunted toys, using their artistic practice as an excuse to forget to do their laundry, and playing with fictional men like Bratz dolls. They have not unclenched their jaw yet today, but they do remember to drink lots of water. 

Link: personal webpage

This is ilgaksu’s first publication with Duck Prints Press.

An Interview with ilgaksu

What is your “dream project” – the thing you’d see as the culmination of your work as a creator?

I have a list of dream projects – a big queer space opera trilogy, a series of detective serials, I want to pastiche all of the genres I adored growing up – but I think I’m never going to find the culmination of my work. I’m going to have to make do with whatever I do while I’m alive, and other people can argue about that for me or something. The work is the work. It has to speak for itself without me defending it.

When you look at your “career” as a creator, what  achievement would you most like to reach – what, if it happened or has  already happened, would/did make you go “now – now I’m a success!”?

Does any writer actually get to the point where they fully believe they’re a success, and the feeling lasts forever? This is a genuine question. Where are they hiding? I want their advice.

What are your favorite snacks and/or drinks to consume while creating?

I have to have at least three emotional support beverages, and one of those will always be a form of iced coffee, then usually bubble tea, and then usually water. These are because I clearly run on three separate hydration systems. Snack-wise, I don’t tend to eat while I’m actually making things, but I like churros and loaded fries and ramen and salmon on bagels and, listen, I just really love food.

Describe your ideal creation space.

I like writing somewhere near a window, ideally when it’s raining outside, with three emotional support beverages and my favourite headphones and the very specific song that works as white noise in that moment on repeat. Possibly for the next five hours.

Do you like having background noise when you create? What do you listen to? Does it vary depending on the project, and if so, how?

I have to have background noise or I can’t focus to write, and it’s usually music with lyrics. I tend to have a mix of current songs I’m fixated on in a huge Everything playlist, and then I often have a smaller playlist for the project itself. Like I said before, I can also easily listen to the same song on repeat for as long as it takes to finish the necessary section, even if it that takes hours, because after a while I stop hearing the music itself – it functions as white noise.

Share five of your favorite books. (You can include why, if you want!)

Wolf Hall Trilogy (Hilary Mantel, technically 3 but)

The Dream Thieves (Maggie Stiefvater) 

Evensong’s Heir (L. S. Baird)  

Daughter of Fortune (Isabel Allende)  

The Magpie Lord (KJ Charles)

Share five of your favorite (blanks). 

Five favourite current bubble tea flavours: Earl Grey, Snow White, Rose, Lavender, Honeydew

If you could give one piece of advice to a new creator who came to you for help, what would that advice be?

You don’t want to write like me. 

That probably sounds incredibly arrogant, but let me explain: the most common thing I’ve had said to me by a new creator, or a fan of my work, is “I want to write like you.” And I get where people are coming from, and I get it’s from a place of admiration – which is very very flattering, of course – because early on in my writing career that used to be a desire that consumed me to. But my point is this. I realised that it was futile to want something like that, because I would never be that creator, with their experiences in life and reading that had informed how they view the world and filter it into their own work. Even if I tried to mimic it, and maybe if I managed it on a superficial level, it wouldn’t be animated by the same mind moving through it, and so I’d be doing us both a disservice. So, I no longer want to write like other people. I want to write more and more like myself. And because of that, I try and advise people to redirect how they’re verbalising that desire. What is it about my work, or anyone’s work, that speaks to you? What parts of it don’t work for you? What is it you want that’s similar – the assurance of their authorial voice, their breadth of lexis or grammar, the themes they focus, how they make you feel as a reader in that relationship with them through the text? Identify those things. Start from there, and think about who you are and take these little ingredients from everyone you’ve read and loved, and everything you love in the world outside writing. Do that instead. Not only will it help you identify more concretely the goals you’re working towards in your craft, but you deserve a voice as a writer that’s solely your own.

What would you say to a demoralized creator to inspire them?

The same thing I said earlier but reappropriated: nobody can write like you.

ilgaksu’s Contribution to Aether Beyond the Binary

Title: chameleon trick

Tags: be gay do crimes, be gay solve crimes, established relationship, heist, manchester, non-binary, past tense, present tense, suicidal ideation (mentions of), united kingdom, third person limited pov, trans man

Excerpt:

Sasha turns on him; gleeful, sparking with it. It’s less a dropping of a mask and more of a perfect, total illumination as they ask, “How did I do?”

You would think they were an amateur at this, looking at their borderline puppyish excitement. They even tilt their face up, less in expectation of a kiss and more in certainty of one. But they are both working. Martha has read the codes of conduct at this factory: no fraternisation during work hours. And so:

“I don’t have time for your praise kink right now,” Martha says, and sidesteps them.

End-of-post reminder: check out our campaign on Kickstarter! It ends January 25th – we’re about half-way done.

[tessatales]

Is That What You Think? (Bucky x Reader)

A/N: Hey! This is a quick Song Fic because I’ve had this song on repeat and I had a vivid image of several of the marvel crews reaction to hearing Reader sing this song. I picked one character to write for rather than a ‘Marvel character react’ kinda post (did that make sense?)

Anyway! Enjoy!

Theme: Comfort, Bucky helps, words of encouragement, you can read this as a mutual pining/love story or as a platonic friendship (up to you lovely’s)

Warnings: non really, swearing (mainly in the lyrics) negative self image.

*Bucky’s POV*

‘I don't go out much

'Cause parties are too much

And I don't need any more judgement’

Bucky didn’t make a habit of listening in to people singing in their room, but something about the lyrics mixed with the emotion in Y/N voice made him pause.

With trained silence, Bucky crept closer to the door, stoping when the muffled sounds through Y/N’s bedroom door became clearer.

‘So, you keep your gossip

You're cool and you're toxic

Already got someone who does it’

Bucky went to knock on the door, only to have his hand dangling in mid air as the door creaked open with the first tap. Through the now ajar door, Bucky watched as Y/N continued to sing, their large headphones deafening them to their visitors knocking.

‘It's me, and that voice in my head

Telling me that I'm better off dead

If you think that you can make me cry

More than me, myself and I

Well, go ahead and try’

Better off dead? Bucky thought, his body going still with the shock of the statement. Backing away from the door, the ex assassin took a deep breath as he felt the wall make contact with his back.

‘If you talk to me like I talk to myself

I'd give you the finger, I'd say, "Go to hell"

You can be mean, make it sing pretty well

But you can't say shit I don't say to myself’

“F.R.I.D.A.Y?” Bucky whispered as he moved slowly away from Y/N’s door.

‘Yes Mr Barnes?’ F.R.I.D.A.Y whispered back, the female voice so close that if the person existed, they’d of been right beside Bucky.

“How do I find that song?” Bucky asked, his voice returning to normal as he entered his rooms.

F.R.I.D.A.Y was silent for a moment.

“I could get the song up for you Mr Barnes. Or you could listening to it via Y/N’s public playlist” F.R.I.D.A.Y replied.

Bucky thought for a moment, before taking his headphones from the stand by his bed.

“Send it to my headphones please”

“Of course Mr Barnes” F.R.I.D.A.Y confirmed.

*A few hours later*

‘I wish you could hurt me

So maybe when I bleed

I could blame somebody else

But she's sick and she's twisted

A bit masochistic

There's no point in calling for help’

As the chorus played again, Bucky made another note in his journal, his handwriting barely legible, as he scribbled to keep up with his own thoughts.

‘Like you're useless, you're stupid

You're hard to love

No one likes you, you're crazy, you're totally fucked

If you talk to me, like I talk to myself

I talk to myself’

Bucky paused the song, barely able to keep his emotions in check as he re-read the lyrics he’d noted down. Useless? Stupid? Hard to love?

“How can you think this about yourself Doll?” Bucky asked the silent room, his heart thrumming against his chest uneasily. With a sigh, he pressed play, hoping the song didn’t get any worse.

‘It's me

Yeah, that voice in my head telling me

That I'm better off dead

If you think that you can make me cry

Well, me, myself and I

Make me wanna die’

As the chorus played for the final time, Bucky could hardly see, his eye a blur as he read and re-read everything he’d written in his tiny black book. The Winter Solider sat motionless and unseeing for a moment, allowing himself to process everything he’d heard before reaching for the red pen he kept spare on his nightstand and getting to work.

*Your POV*

“Whoever’s knocking on my door at 1 am better have a good reason!” You shout as you stumble sleepily to your bedroom door. After a particularly turbulent mental health day, you’d hoped the extra sleep would help prepare you for a better tomorrow, but apparently the person at your door didn’t care about your beauty sleep.

“Who- Bucky?” Stunned at the Winter Soldiers presence, you stop your angry rant before it comes. Bucky looks disheveled in your doorway, the weak hallway light barely hiding the messy hair and stress lines on his face.

“Who died?” You asked, only half joking. Bucky didn’t blink, only stepping forward to envelop you in a hug. You hadn’t realised how ally you’d needed one until you’d felt his arms cross your body firmly, holding you tightly against him as you felt your legs buckle slightly.

‘We love you Y/N” Bucky whispers into your hair, placing a kiss on your forehead before letting you go.

“Of course i do, why are you saying that?” You replied, frowning at the man in front of you.

“We all don’t say it enough. Here” Bucky said, handing you what seemed to be several pages from his notebook.

“What?” You said, barely getting the word out before Bucky walked away.

“Read it” was all he said as he retreated back down the hall. Closing the door, you stared at the tiny bundle of notes in your hand, confusion shaking you fully awake.

Sitting on your bed, you unravelled the notes, looking at each page scrawled with black and red writing. Some of the writing was almost eligible; although it only took you a few moments to realise what you were looking at.

The song

You could see it now, the lyrics you’d woken up with playing in your head; letting you know that today was not going to be a good day to be in your own head. But something was different.

You could see the original lyrics, all of them scribbled in deep black ink but it was the red notes on the side that crisscrossed between the margins of the song.

Like you’re useless, you’re stupid What a ridiculous statement!

You're hard to love Bullshit! We love you, I love you.

No one likes you, you're crazy, you're totally fucked If i could climb into your head and tell you how all of this is totally wrong, i would. But I’m not asking Stark or that ant dude about the science of that.

Further down, where the lyrics talked about death, your breath hitched at what Bucky had wrote.

Well, me, myself and I

Make me wanna die.

How long have you felt this way? Do you feel this way all the time? Or just sometimes? Why don’t you come to us? Why don’t you come to me? You know we’d be here for you. You are loved, you are smart. You couldn’t be hard to love if you tried! Please read these notes when you need them. Please don’t suffer alone. We’re here. - Bucky.

It was the little red heart scrawled next to his name that broke the dam inside. Your tears spilling over until they spilled onto the page. You dabbed at the paper quickly, stopping the liquid before it distorted the only below.

‘Thank you’ you whispered into the darkness. You’d express your thanks, your love and your gratitude in the morning, but right now, all you wanted to fall asleep to was the deep red letters etched on the paper in front of you.

A/N: Hey guys! I wasn’t sure really how to end this one- you know when you get a half baker idea but it just won’t go away until your write it down? Yeah that was this story- yet no matter how much I though- the rest of the story wouldn’t bake! So apart from that, I hope you guys enjoyed this little story- I hope to make some more one shot fics soon

[matcha-lemonade-enthusiast]

i’m going to give a comprehensive list of songs that hit way too hard for me or that i cry to, because im little lonely (only child syndrome) and have no one else to tell 😁.

Liability by Lorde

i so vividly remember listening to this song for the first time, and it was like someone put how i felt every single fucking day into a song. i just felt like a huge burden to everyone and everything. especially since i had to whole sad clown thing going on (being the life of the party and silly until i had to be apart from anything that happily distracted me). so many nights were spent laying on the ground and staring at the ceiling, or sobbing in a dark closet to that song. thanks lorde 😍! (/s)

Stay by Post Malone

by far one of the most embarrassing songs on this list 😭. sorry unfortunately i dabble in hating mainstream artists (particularly yt men). however, an old friend of mine showed me this song as one of her fave sad songs to cry to, and i was like thanks im stealing this for my playlist 😁. once again just a song that put my thoughts into words (omg i love art), and i really just needed someone to hug me and tell me everything would be okay. also strangely, it’s a great song for if you’ve had a rocky relationship with your mom or anyone you love so deeply you’d do anything for but shit happens and you both fumble the ball, so now everyone is pissed off. like post simultaneously asking someone to (hopefully figuratively)put their cigarette out on his face, but also stick around for him and love him and tell him everything is okay? yeah real.

I’m Not A Mountain by Sarah Kinsley

fully almost cried when i saw/heard this live, because Sarah almost cried. *defeated* yeah. just another lonely girl who can’t set a boundary to save her life so she runs from her problems and has a sharp tongue song. i’ve said things that i didn’t mean out of anger and so deeply regret because i caused a friendship to end. i have people i (sort of) want a relationship with that i can’t get back because i’ve learned too much and im living in the past in some ways (rightfully so imo) (yes im contradicting myself ik). but yeah sometimes i wish i was a mountain too.

Last Time We Never Meet Again by Sarah Kinsley

sarah kinsley you will always be famous.

but fr this song was simultaneously a swift kick to the gut, but also a breath of fresh air. i was fresh off of calling it quits with a guy (like a month lol), and i had a lot of firsts with him (first serious relationship, first music festival, first time traveling without family, etc) not s*x though someone else beat him to it lmao.) so basically i was ranting to my mom and friends about him and everything i didn’t like that he did, because everything around me reminded me of him and it PISSED ME OFF to no end. then this album (Escaper) dropped (thank god), and once again this song was just everything i felt. like i can’t stand you, i never want to see you again, but hope everything works out how you want it to (im not a monster guys cmon). he called me tho like last week to make small talk and then ask me questions about his personality and stuff. so then that re-pissed me off bc i deleted his number while i was drunk on vacation, and i don’t follow him on anything anymore like pls take a hint.

Casual by Chappell Roan

self-explanatory.

Magnolia by Laufey

let me preface this by being a butthole and let everyone know how cool i am, because i was into laufey before she was uber famous. like im talking tickets to her show were $30. anyways!

basically a girl strung me along, and then left me for a mid yt man 😁. this song was there for me when i was too embarrassed to tell my friends what happened. didn’t cry, but definitely gazed out of my window on a rainy day and listened to the song on repeat for an hour or two (yes this is a part of my villain origin story) (yes i know im a terrible villain fr, more sad and lazy than vengeful)

Baby by Brittany Howard

feeling like i wasn’t enough and didn’t measure up (especially romantically)

Sullen Girl by Fiona Apple

my mom actually played an old fiona apple cd for me while we packed up our house to move. this song really stuck with me bc that whole summer (‘22) was a blur. the second half of the song genuinely sent me into shock because it gave me war flashbacks of childhood trauma that i try to repress 😍. then my mom told me, she pictured me as the sullen girl during my lowest moments and i cried and we hugged.

Cellophane by FKA Twigs

self-explanatory. especially if you’ve seen anania’s tiktoks to this song (doing mundane tasks, deadpan thousand yard stare, and this song blaring). i feel the same way girl, me too. also that music video is literally stunning.

Prey by The Neighborhood

ahhh an old classic. honestly the whole Wiped Out! album is good to cry to but this is a personal favorite. sobbed for two hours then fell asleep because why not. i felt like a waste of space that couldn’t do anything right (i still feel like that sometimes). you are so right jesse rutherford i do feel like something is wrong (i have extreme anxiety, everything feels off and i will freak out at any moment) i feel like prey (i will be chastised and ostracized the moment i do something wrong, and everyone is watching, also i was unmedicated).

okay besties this was a really short little playlist and long thoughts i randomly wanted to get out. thanks for letting me be annoying and reading 😍 (i say to my 5 followers, 2 of which are bots)

[imdoingsortagay]

Impromptu Dance Party

Summary: Doing something sweet for your girlfriend

Word Count: 1k

a/n: EVE FLUFF

also, the playlist for this will be here<3

The day had seemed to drag one for you, wanting to just me home with your girlfriend. Eve had been called into work last minute to help Amanda with something at the old folks home while you went to go to your classes or any errands that you had to do. Getting back home expecting to see her there, you were sad to get a text from the older woman about having to stay a couple of hours more and you felt terrible. She had wanted to use today to relax, get some cleaning done, and overall just spend time with her favorite person in the world, you. 

Having about 2 hours before she came back home from work, you decided to give Eve something special, a playlist with all of the songs she loved to listen to on repeat. 

As much as you loved her, she didn’t have much experience with technology, and if she heard a song that she knew was gonna be one of her favorite, the older woman would save it on her notes so you can help her get it to her Spotify for later if she’s driving, at work or any other reason. Making playlists for people you loved was something and the thought of making one for her was exciting. 

The moment that you get home from school, you clean around the house, ordering her favorite food to get here a couple of minutes before she arrives then make your way to the living room to get this playlist made. The first four songs in the playlist are some that she heard when both of you had first met, in margo’s class and when she decided to have class in a bar. A couple of other songs that you had introduced her to as you felt it was “ something that she would love” which was proven true as you’d catch her humming to them around the house.

Making sure not to forget to add a couple of Abba songs to the mix for your girlfriend because it would not be a playlist that had all of Eve’s favorite songs if there weren’t at least three or four songs. Time goes by quickly as you make the playlist for her, the food from her favorite food place getting there in about ten minutes from her arrival. You set the food on the table, connect your phone to her speaker, and patiently wait for her arrival back. 

While Eve, on the other hand, was super tired and wanted to see you. Her day off was a work day because Amanda needed her to come in about one of the new residents coming in and she was unsure of what to do while Eve on the inside wanted to say sorry, she felt bad leaving her on her own since she had just started there. For a senior citizen home, she sometimes wished there would be at least one day when she’s able to rest. 

Even the drive on the way home felt longer than usual with all the evening traffic and she just wanted to be at home with you, eating dinner, and cuddling among other things.

My love: You coming home already eve? <3

Eve: I’ve got about 10 more minutes. 

You feel bad for the woman as you know she’s stuck in slow traffic and decide that take a quick little nap while she’s on the way. Eve plays some random radio station that helps her calm down and before she knows it, Eve pulls into the driveway to her house, so happy to be home to her lovely girlfriend. Grabbing all of her belongings from her car, the older woman is greeted by you, happily sleeping on the couch, the smell of food from her favorite restaurant in town, and the sound of what seems to be music. 

Eve wakes you up from your nap, very gently and the moment your eyes met the face of your girlfriend, you pull her in for a kiss, never not excited to see her. Eve giggles back as you give her kisses all over her face, blushing like crazy at the attention she’s getting, very much enjoying it. 

“ Is today a special day y/n? You got me food from my favorite place,” she asks while you get up to be in a sitting position, the woman wondering if she missed an important date today.

“ Nope, just wanted to treat you to something nice eve,” you pause,” and I also made a whole playlist for you with your favorite songs to listen to anywhere”. Eve would be lying if she said that she wasn’t on the verge of tears. Never not grateful to have you here, to even be dating you after having to deal with a son who was the worst, a rude ex and the universe did her a favor when you had walked into the writing class that she decided would be fun to do on her free time after her son left for college. Looking through the playlist it had many songs that she grew to love, songs that you told her many times reminded you of her, and some new ones that she was over the moon to listen to if she was driving to work, on her lunch in her office or anywhere else.

Eve pulls you off the couch without a word and puts the playlist on shuffle, the first playing being Honey by Coastal club, dancing along with your girlfriend. Each song going on made your heart swoon at seeing this woman be so happy, not giving any shit about anything else in life, grinning from ear to ear as she danced like she’s the only one in the room. Dancing offbeat to the pop songs and slow dancing together to any of the slow songs. You cherished times like these between the two of you, excited to make many more happy memories.

Every time that you did small things like these for your girlfriend, she would always be forever grateful to have you in her life and make it better

[felicitysmoaksx]

Hi, Everyone! So I thought this story was done. But turns out it wasn't. So here we go. Song recs for this chapter: I Didn't Know by Sofia Carson & All of The Girls You Loved Before and Cruel Summer both by Taylor Swift If you want to know where this is in the Chicago PD Timeline: Season 3: in between episodes 3: Actual Physical Violence & 4: Debts of the Past. There might also be another chapter in the future, but I make no promises. (Did I also mention I might have another soulmate au and a Cop!Sarah au because of this universe) Happy Reading!

Rating: Explicit (Minors DNI 18+)

Summary:   Following a car explosion, Erin and Sarah finally have a heart-to-heart about Charlie, and Erin learns about Sarah's new-ish relationship with Connor.

Word Count: 8.2k

Warnings: Implied Car Explosion, implied Sexual Content, Depictions of parental abandonment, depictions of violence, inaccurate medical procedures

Read On AO3 | Fic Playlist | Fic Playlist but Less Shippy | Want to be tagged when I post a Rheese story?

A hand danced up his back as he was putting up his stuff in the doctor’s lounge. Connor turned his head to see that it was Sarah as she passed him to get a cup of coffee. He was working nights this month so Dr. Fri could take his paternity leave with his wife and spend time with their new baby. The whole of the ED staff was pitching in. Connor just so happened to draw the short straw first. 

“Rough day?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at the sight of his girlfriend inhaling her coffee. He wasn’t even sure she was tasting it with the speed she was drinking it. 

“Long day. Dr. Choi and Dr. Charles pulled me off of psych and put me in the ED today.” She told him tiredly, “So guess who also got pulled into doing most of the psych consults, in addition to treating in a non-psychiatric way?” 

She pointed to herself in response to her rhetorical question. 

“Why’d they pull you? Who called in?” 

“No one, I asked to be down here for the next few weeks. Because I’ve gotten sloppy with emergency medicine in the time I’ve been a psych resident. And sloppiness is dangerous.”

“Babe, we’ve been over this, you can’t measure anything by that day. We were all nervous and stressed,” He told her patiently for what seemed like the millionth time in the last month. Since that day with David and Lily…But his perfectionist girlfriend rolled her eyes at him and took another large pull of her coffee. 

“Doesn’t change the fact that I was sloppy and that I need practice to correct that. I’m better than sloppy.” Like usual Sarah fell into her side of their bickering. 

Connor always had some idea that Sarah was a little bit of a perfectionist. He could see that from his first day after he saw her in the training room when she hadn’t been able to set the groin line. But dating the brunette both unofficially and now officially had shown him just how much making mistakes affected her. Other people could make mistakes and it was okay. Things happened, but not Sarah. She held herself to a much higher standard than she did everyone else. 

Knowing that fact, Connor let the subject drop before it could balloon up into an argument. He did not want to repeat that argument with her. 

Instead, because they were alone, (Though their relationship wasn’t confined to just his apartment anymore, neither was much for PDA outside of pecks and hand-holding in public) he made his way across the lounge and kissed his girlfriend’s lips. The smile that split her lips was genuine but had an exhausted tilt to it.

 Connor felt a pang of sympathy swell in him. The ED was always busy more or less, but this last month and a half had been nothing short of horrific. The David situation notwithstanding. They had their usual fluctuation of patients and cases.  But this last month and a half, it was as if people had hit their heads and lost their common sense. 

“You want the spare key to my apartment? My new mattress was delivered this morning.” He offered to her in a whisper, nosing his way down her neck, while he gripped her waist and pulled her closer.  Sarah laughed at the sensation while she squirmed. But instead of trying to push him away, the brunette tried to press herself closer to him. With him working nights this month, they had been two ships passing each other over these last two weeks. Which left little time for them together, save for a day or two during the week when one of them had the day off. 

“I have this new vintage red wine in my wine cabinet that my sister sent along for you too,” He told her then added how his sister was always more of a white wine person than a red. Then he noticed her look of confusion, “What?”

“You said your sister sent along red wine for me,” she told him as if it was obvious, “Your sister doesn’t even know me.”

The surgeon chuckled, “She knows of you. You texted me about that movie you had been wanting to see last week when I was at breakfast with her…” His ears turned pink as he gave her a guilty grin, “And besides the fact that my Dad already kind of told her about us when he was recovering from his surgery…I was grinning a little too much at my phone.” 

Sarah giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. She drawled in a slow and flirty tone, “Why Dr. Rhodes, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.” 

That voice always sent a thrill through him. He nipped her ear before he warned in a low tone of voice, “Don’t you call me Dr. Rhodes in that tone at the hospital.”

His girlfriend merely grinned at him. (A little too evilly in his opinion. Yeah, she definitely knew what that voice did to him. Just like she knew what she was doing when she batted her eyes at him.) Then she leaned in and pecked his lips. She let out a soft sigh, “I couldn’t take your key tonight though. I have that family dinner. Justin, Olive, and the baby are coming into town and Justin wants a family dinner with everyone. Really, I just think it’s a way to get me to talk to Hank and Erin.”

Connor hummed sympathetically because he could understand a meddling sibling. Claire was still trying to fix his and their father’s issues. “When was the last time you talked to one of them?”

“A month?” Sarah guessed, “And it’s not that I don’t want to talk to them. But I don’t know how to deal with the Charlie subject. He’s always been a more touchy subject for Erin. For good reason, but it’s always harder to bring it up and I’m worried that once I start talking to her, I won’t handle it well. And Hank is a whole other story.”

Connor didn’t know everything about Sarah’s history with Charlie Pugliese but he knew enough. Enough to make his blood boil at what he did know, but Sarah didn’t need his anger right now. Right now, she needed his support.

She pulled away from him with another sigh, “I better get back. I just stepped in here for some coffee. And you have your own shift to get to.”

“Yeah,” Connor said, even as he reached into the pocket of the jeans he had on and grabbed his spare key from his key ring to place in Sarah’s hand. His lover looked up at him, “I told you I can’t because of my family dinner tonight.”

The surgeon shrugged as he dropped a kiss on her head, making his way to the dressing room. “The option’s there if you want it after your dinner.”

Connor’s back was turned so he didn’t see the soft look in Sarah’s eyes as he left when she gazed at his back. She always looked at him with soft eyes when he did things like that. Things that didn’t seem like a big deal to him, but they always left the curly-haired brunette feeling soft and gooey inside.  When she tried to bring it up to him though, her dark-haired lover merely huffed and shook his head. All the while he mumbled the familiar phrase of, “The difference between boys and men.” 

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A few hours later, Sarah and Connor were back in the doctor’s lounge. Only Sarah was getting ready to leave for the night and Connor was pouring his second cup of coffee.

“You headed out?” Connor asked, when he saw his lover grab her backpack. Nodding her head, she closed her locker and made her way over to him. Then she pressed a kiss to his beard-covered cheek. “Justin said he, Olive, and the baby were visiting Hank and Erin at the district today. So they said they could pick me up after my shift.” 

Her phone chimed from where it was in her back pocket. Connor pressed one last kiss to her forehead as she looked at the device. From where he stood over her, he could make out the name of the person on the phone. It was Justin Voight. He twirled a stray curl around his finger to get her attention. Soft brown eyes peered up at him. “Text me when you get home? Whether or not that be your apartment or mine.”

“Have a good rest of your shift. Maybe it’ll be an easy night.” Sarah nodded at his request before she gave him a little grin. And then darted just out of his reach when he tried to tickle her side in retaliation for jinxing him. Then she shot him one more smile before she turned and made her way out of the hospital. 

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“So you didn’t go visit Hank and Erin at the district?” Sarah wondered, looking first from her best friend before turning in her seat to look at his wife. 

“He said he didn’t want us to.” Olive shrugged from the backseat. Then smiled down at her son as he cooed. Justin continued, “Said a case popped off? It wasn’t the right time. Said he just see us for dinner. He sounded weird. ” 

“He always sounds weird when he’s working a case. Erin too.” Sarah told her pseudo-brother and sister-in-law. “They just don’t want us to worry.” 

“Yeah,” Justin sighed, getting into the turn lane to go to Hank’s house, “But we worry anyways, especially when Dad tries to keep us away these days. He never turns down the chance to see Danny...”

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When Erin and Hank finally made their way home that night, both her pseudo-sister and father were quiet, and neither wanted to talk about their day. 

“Just a hard case,” Sarah heard Hank reassure Justin as they walked to the car. Her pseudo-sister hummed in agreement from where she was walking with Olive. “Nothing dinner with my family won’t cure.”

Sarah heard Justin chuckle, before he explained that after dinner, he and Sarah were going to leave Erin and Hank with Olive and the baby so they could meet up with Tucker and a few other old friends. The curly-haired brunette felt herself sigh inwardly as she grabbed her door handle waiting for the car to be unlocked. She had forgotten about those plans. If she didn’t talk to both Hank and Erin tonight, then she was in for a long talk with Justin about it.

Her heart clenched tighter when Hank caught her eye and smiled at her over the car’s hood. It was a wan smile. Not like his usual warm and genuine one. He unlocked the door and a buzzing immediately filled her ears. 

“EVERYONE GET DOWN!” Her pseudo-father shouted just before the car exploded and erupted in flames.

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Sarah flinched back as the compress touched her skin, hissing at the persistent sting that ached from her burns. Erin was at another treatment bay, getting treated not for burns, but abrasions to her skin and a possible concussion. Olive, Justin, and the baby were in the PICU because they wanted to make sure the baby was alright. And Hank, after he waved off getting checked out, was being a pinball between all of three of his children, bouncing between Sarah in a trauma bay, (For her second-degree burns) Erin in a treatment room, and the PICU upstairs.

“Sorry Dr. Reese,” Dr. Matthews muttered to her, sounding annoyed. She grimaced when he couldn’t see her face. It would just make things worse for her. She had nothing against Dr. Matthews as a person. But the man was older and about a month away from retirement and at this point in his career, he was just phoning it in. Everyone in the hospital knew that. 

Oh, he knew his stuff, but the way he came at everything now was with the demeanor an elderly man who thought everyone under the age of fifty was too soft. Everyone was being coddled. (He also thought psychiatry was more or less a waste. You get the picture.) He had already been barred from treating kids because of his bedside manner and how much it upset the patient and the parents alike. 

Hank was no different, it seemed. When he saw her wince, he pushed himself off of where he was leaning against the wall of the trauma bay. Then he left quietly, returning a moment later with Maggie in tow. 

“I can finish this if you want to go take a breather, Dr. Matthews,” she told the doctor. Dr. Matthews took a step back, and muttered something that suspiciously sounded like, ‘About damn time.’ 

“How dare a doctor actually do their job,” Sarah said in a sarcastic tone, after he left. Maggie huffed a quiet laugh.

“Do you want to lay down on your stomach? And you can rest while we let the cool compresses do their thing?” Maggie offered in a soft voice after she heard Sarah yawn. The brunette looked at her pseudo-father, “Go check on Justin, Olive, and the baby. Or Erin. Let me know how they’re doing. I’m okay for right now.” 

“We still need to talk,” he said, pinning her with a serious look. One that reminded her of all the times she got in trouble as a kid. Sarah huffed a sigh, but she knew Hank was right. It wasn’t like them to go this long without talking to each other. That’s why Justin had taken it upon himself to meddle. 

“We will,” she promised him, “Just preferably, after I’ve had my twenty-minute power nap.”

Hank moved forward and pressed his lips to the top of her head. Then he conceded with a sigh. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes.” 

“Hank,” she called to him after he had turned around and was walking out of the trauma bay. He glanced over his shoulder at her. 

“Thank you.” She told him in a soft voice. 

“For what?” Sarah shrugged at his confused question. Then winced as the burns on her back twinged in pain. Still, she managed a smile for him, “Nothing? Everything? Something in between? I may not know all that you did, but I know you and Camille sacrificed a lot for me and Erin when you took us in.” 

“And we would’ve done it again, kid.”

“Are you sure? Because I remember what we were like…and we were all hellions. Justin included. Erin and I only added to your already full hands.” She joked weakly. Yet her pseudo-father never wavered or even cracked a smile at her joke as he said in a quiet, serious voice, “We would’ve. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.” 

Then nodding once at Maggie, he walked out of the trauma bay as quietly as he brought the charge nurse into it. 

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“You as a hellion? I can’t imagine that.” Maggie’s quiet chuckle filled her ears as she helped Sarah lay down on her stomach. The change made her hiss as the persistent sting intensified. Then it was back to a dull throb as the compresses were replaced on her back.

“You didn’t know me back then. The girl that was too angry at the world to really care about anything.”

“I can’t even imagine you ever being that angry. Need anything else?” Sarah shook her head, before she changed her mind. “Maybe a smoothie? I didn’t get to eat dinner because of what happened.”

“And you didn’t get to eat lunch because we had that awful pile up to deal with.” Sarah nodded even though Maggie wasn’t asking a question. 

“Anything else?” Her friend asked, covering her upper body even more with the hospital blanket. The brunette shot the nurse a grateful smile. Even though no one could see anything because she was on her stomach and her hospital gown loosely on the front of her body, she had felt entirely too exposed with the way they had the back of her gown open, but Sarah knew it had been a necessary evil to treat her burns. 

“Nothing that you can help me with right now. I just want my pillow but I don’t think he’s anywhere close at the moment because he would’ve been at least by here already…”

A smile tugged at Maggie’s lips. Sarah didn’t mention any names, but the charge nurse had a pretty good idea who the brunette was talking about. A certain surgeon with blue eyes.

“He got pulled into surgery upstairs, but I can try to catch him when he’s out?” Maggie offered. Curls bounced slightly as Sarah shook her head. “No, it’s okay. He has his shift to worry about. He doesn’t need me to add to his plate right now.”

Maggie had a strong feeling Connor would disagree with his girlfriend. But the charge nurse left it alone for the moment and left Reese with, “I’ll go order your smoothie and I’ll be back to check on you in a little while. But if you need me, you yell before that. Okay?” 

“Thanks, Mags.” With a nod of acknowledgment from the female psychiatrist, Maggie left. And Sarah let her eyes fall shut as she willed her body to relax as much as it could against the dull throb of her burns.

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Erin found her sister in a trauma bay, after her doctor told her he’d be back in a while to check on her. It was nothing major, just a few scrapes and bruises. She only got checked out because she hit her head and her family was worried about her having a concussion.  (Her little sister who had second-degree burns and was actually injured was worried about her. She was the big sister. She was meant to be looking out for Sarah, not the other way around.) 

But so far there was no sign of one and Erin snuck out as soon as the doctor had his back turned.  

“Hey,” Erin whispered softly to the prone form on the hospital gurney. Sarah’s head popped up before she turned it so she could glance over her shoulder. 

“Hey, you okay? No concussion?” Her little sister asked as Erin padded farther into the trauma bay.

“You’re the one with second-degree burns and you’re asking me if I’m okay?” Erin asked and the curly-haired brunette smirked at her. 

“It’s like Hank said. You’re a police detective. Your job is to look in people’s eyes for a living. I’m a doctor. It’s my job to ask people if they’re okay for a living.”

The older woman felt a chuckle bubble out of her mouth as she shook her head at her sister. “Well, I’m okay. No concussion. Just a few bumps, scrapes, and bruises.”

Her sister shot her a tired smile in response. Then her eyes slid shut as the conversation stilled and dropped off. Erin cleared her throat and Sarah opened her eyes, blinking glassy-eyed at her. 

“I feel like we need to talk.” Erin started hesitantly, because she knew it probably wasn’t the right time. Her little sister was tired and in pain. But it was a time that Sarah was more or less stuck and couldn’t make up an excuse to run away. Like she had been doing for the last month, begging off any chance they had to talk. When the curly-haired brunette remained silent, the police detective continued: “Lately, I’ve just kind of felt like we’ve been hitting a wall with each other. We haven’t talked in a month and it seems like that’s intentional. Almost like you’ve been avoiding me and Hank?” 

“This is a very weak interrogation,” Sarah commented with a raised eyebrow. Erin felt her lips tug themselves into a smirk as she folded her arms. 

“Maybe I’m trying the good cop strategy,” she shrugged. Her sister yawned before she smiled sleepily. 

“Maybe try that on someone who hasn’t known you for the last twenty-two years.”

And Sarah was deflecting. She wasn’t confirming anything Erin was saying, but she also wasn’t denying it either. 

“Answer my question, Sarah. Why have you been avoiding me and Hank since last month?” Erin asked as if she were questioning a suspect. But there wasn’t as much force in her voice as there would’ve been with a normal perp. 

“I haven’t been avoiding you. I’m just not sure how to talk to you about Charlie.” Erin didn’t bother to ask who the younger woman was talking about. If it was any other Charlie, Sarah would have mentioned a last name as well. Erin swallowed. “What about him?” 

“Maybe that he’s in jail?” A humorless laugh fell from Sarah’s lips at the guilt that swept over Erin’s face. “Yeah, and I also know that he’s in the state of Illinois because he was in the ED with Travis and me last month with a kidney laceration.”

Big sister looked at little sister. The older of the two felt her mouth drop open. No words seem to be able to come out. But Sarah wasn’t finished, “Yeah, he saved me from being trampled more than I already was when the crowd of people were running for the exits.” 

“Sarah-” Erin started, but she trailed off when she realized she was unsure of what to say next.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Did you just not trust me?”  Sarah questioned. Her pseudo-sister was quick to shake her head. She closed the little distance between them and the older woman grabbed her hand, squeezing it. 

“No, Sarah-I trust you. But I also know that your mind is a little muddled when it comes to Charlie. You didn’t have the same history with him that Annie and I do.” Erin explained. Because her pseudo-sister had protected her from that. Once Charlie taught Sarah how to pickpocket…it spurred the big sister into action because she wasn’t willing to roll that particular dice with Sarah. 

“You know when I made my deal with Hank, when I told him that we wouldn’t be separated or there would be no deal…I told him you wouldn’t survive without me. And at the time, I believed it. I was the one taking care of you. I was the one making sure you had food, clothes, and a bed to sleep in.  I was the one tucking you in and holding you when you had nightmares at night. I was your constant.”

Erin broke off with a sigh, looking down at her hands. She had started to pick at her hangnails. If she let this go on for much longer her thumbs would surely be bloody and scabbed. She hid her thumbs by making fists. The detective looked back up at Sarah to find the other brunette watching her. 

She cleared her throat as she addressed Sarah again, “But as I get older, I wonder if it was more the other way around. As far as we knew Teddy was gone. He wasn’t coming back and Bunny was well, being Bunny. Bouncing in and out, you remember. You were the one thing I had to hold on to when things were constantly changing. And maybe protecting you was a way to protect me too. I wouldn’t have survived without you.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me he was here,” Sarah pointed out in a quiet voice, feeling herself getting soft at Erin’s confession. Then she watched as her pseudo-sister blew out a breath.

“Because when he came back, he was back to his old ways. He hadn’t changed. He gave Annie a busted lip and he conned me into almost helping him because he was blackmailing Annie and me. I didn’t want you to be pulled into that. Not if I could help it.” 

Sarah’s mouth fell open, but no words would come out. Because she understood- though misguided- Erin’s attempt to protect her. But it didn’t eliminate the hurt she felt completely. So with that thought, she closed her mouth and nodded her head once. 

In a quiet voice, she pressed, “What happened? With the blackmail I mean? Why did he end up in jail?” 

Her pseudo-sister looked uncomfortable as she rubbed her hands together. Then she shrugged stiffly, “I called his bluff and won.” 

That wasn’t the full story. Sarah could just tell from Erin’s body language that she wasn’t getting the full story. “Tell me everything later?”

When there weren’t any ears around them.

Erin nodded and Sarah felt a small smile bloom across her lips. Her sister returned it. Despite the ache in her back, she felt lighter than she had all month. (She didn’t know it, but so did Erin.)

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Maggie came back with her smoothie ten minutes later. The charge nurse sighed when she saw Erin sitting beside her through, “Didn’t see your discharge papers come up yet Detective?” 

“I got lost on the way to the bathrooms? Thought Sarah might know where they are.” Sarah’s pseudo-sister grinned sheepishly, knowing that she had been caught.

“Uh huh,” Maggie said sarcastically as she rotated the compresses on Sarah’s back, “I’m sure you did with the ED being so big and all.”

“Exactly,” 

“Just be back in your room before your doctor comes looking for you, please.” Maggie told her then looked at the curly-haired brunette. “I was just told Connor should be done with surgery soon and Dr. Cardone is here early because of a patient and he was Connor’s relief, so he’ll be able to go home early too.”

Sarah hummed and avoided Erin’s suspicious eyes as they turned on her as Maggie continued, “You sure you don’t want me to get him when he’s out?”

She didn’t want to bother him. She wasn’t the kind of girl that needed her boyfriend for every little thing. She wasn’t clingy. Sarah never allowed herself to be because of how many people had let her down in the past. It was scary to depend on someone and them not be there (like her dad) so Sarah never let herself be put in that position in the first place.

And yet, she found herself nodding, instead of shaking her head no. (Her back ached anytime she moved and honestly, she just wanted Connor’s arms around her. His warm citrus smell wrapping itself like a blanket around her)  Thankfully, her friend didn’t tease her about her indecisiveness as she readjusted Sarah’s blanket. 

“You have ten minutes left with your compresses. Then-”

“Then the real fun begins.” Sarah quipped with an equally sarcastic smile. Maggie huffed a laugh as she corrected sympathetically, “Then we’ll clean the burns with soap and water so we can bandage them.”

It was only when the charge nurse was gone with another promise to be back, that Erin raised an inquiring eyebrow at her pseudo-little sister. 

“Do you want to share with the class?” 

“Share what?” Erin felt her other eyebrows raise knowing that the curly-haired brunette was playing dumb. She cocked her head to the side slowly, as if sizing her little sister up. 

“Why did Maggie ask if you wanted Dr. Rhodes? I think that’s who she was talking about. His first name is Connor right?”  

Chewing at her bottom lip like she did when she was a kid and was feeling guilty about something, Sarah nodded her head. Then she admitted to Erin in an almost shy voice, “He’s my boyfriend? We’ve been dating for the last four or so months? Give or take a month?”  

Erin blinked. Usually, the curly-haired brunette was so obvious when she was in a new relationship. “Four months? You’ve been seeing him for four months?”

Sarah’s sheepish smile was the only answer Erin got in return for her question. 

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“Connor, wait!” Connor almost sagged in defeat when he heard Maggie calling him back just before he hit the doctor’s lounge to get his stuff. He only worked half a shift, but it was another horrific one, as it had been for the last month and a half. Back-to-back surgeries between trauma and CT because all of the other CT surgeons (he was in trauma tonight for the record) were stuck in more complicated procedures and a patient had been pronounced just before they could receive a new heart. Still, he heaved a sigh, grabbing another set of gloves as he turned back to his friend. 

The life of ED doc. “Where am I headed, Maggie?”

“Trauma 2. But it’s not like that.” The charge nurse waved her hand at his gloved ones. “I’m treating her or if you want to get technical, Dr. Matthews is. But you’re not allowed to.” Maggie explained as he made his way to her. 

“What do you mean I’m not allowed to?” He questioned, narrowing his eyes. He didn’t think it was Claire. If it was, someone would’ve pulled him out of surgery immediately. Or at least notified him. Maggie would’ve made sure of it.

Which left Sarah, and come to think of it; he hadn’t heard from her yet tonight. Even though she rolled her eyes at his protectiveness (“I’m a cop’s daughter Connor. A very well-known cop in this city at that. I know no one is one-hundred percent safe. But I’m probably safer than most people in Chicago.”) she usually messaged him when she made it home, if nothing else because she knew it made him feel better.

“Sergeant Voight’s car exploded,” Maggie explained, falling into step beside him with a bucket of what looked like soapy water. Connor felt his eyes widen at the news. The charge nurse nodded as she continued. “I overheard Voight talking on the phone when he was down here with Sarah. He thinks someone rigged it.”

“How bad?” He asked, switching between boyfriend to doctor mode as easily as drawing a breath. 

“Sarah has a few second-degree burns on her back, but right now it seems like she’s the only one that got hurt. Though Detective Lindsay is being monitored for a possible concussion. But so far there’s no signs of one. And Voight’s grandson is up in the PICU getting some tests done. But that’s just as a precaution. He seems okay.  Everyone else is okay too.” His friend explained. Then she pulled back the privacy curtain to the trauma bay. 

Sarah’s head turned at the noise. Her eyes met his. Inhale. Not a doctor. Exhale. Boyfriend. Connor reminded himself, making his way over to her. 

“Hey,” He said softly, before she started to sit up. He reached for her arm and tried to help ease her up when he saw pain flittering across her face. “Here, let me help.” 

A lingering kiss was pressed to her forehead when her arms wrapped around his waist. Second-degree burns were serious and Connor knew that, but his girl must really be hurting. Because while the woman in his arms was affectionate in private with a more subdued version of that affection in public, she didn’t usually cling to him like this in public like she was doing now. With her face nuzzling in his scrubs. 

He pressed another kiss to her forehead. His hands itched to touch the skin of her back. To soothe it by scratching her back or something like that. But looking down at the blistering and bloody skin, he resisted the urge and instead cupped the back of her head. Cradling her to him as best as he could right now.

“Okay, Sarah. I’m going to start cleaning the burns now.” Maggie said, dipping a washcloth in the water. Then she started cleaning the burns carefully. 

She tried to muffle it by biting her lip, but Connor heard her pained whimper. Maggie did too by the way she frowned and kept saying. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know this hurts. I’m so sorry, Sarah.” 

By her third pained whimper, tears had started to fall from those chocolatey brown orbs and was flinching with every swipe of the cloth. Maggie stopped with a slight sigh. “I’ll go talk to Dr. Matthews. See if we can give you some stronger pain meds than Tylenol.” 

Just Tylenol? Just the over-the-counter stuff? No. Hell, no. Second-degree burns required at least Tylenol Two. Inhale. Doctor. Exhale. Not a boyfriend. Connor gritted his teeth as he told the nurse, “Maggie, push a dose of Tylenol Two.”

Dr. Matthews was a tired old crank who was counting down the days till his retirement. Everyone knew that. His bedside was less than lacking these days. It wasn’t there at all. Meaning he didn’t dole out pain medication like he should. Because every patient was too soft for their own good. 

“Connor, you’re not a doctor right now. Especially not hers. Look, I'll go ask Dr. Matthews-” Maggie started with an exasperated sigh as she started to break away. But the surgeon shook his head. (His stubbornly independent woman wasn’t even trying to fight him about this. Warning bells had started to ring in his head.) 

“Maggie, we both know that Matthews won’t do a damn thing. He’ll be too busy being cranky because you woke him up and he won’t actually care about what’s going on. Or what you’re asking him.” Connor told the nurse gruffly, thinking of how he saw the older man in the on-call room. “And, if Matthews wanted to actually participate in his case, he wouldn’t have left you to treat her, now would he?”  

Maggie opened her mouth and closed it. Not refuting the statement. Instead, she sighed and pointed out, “But Connor, it’s Sarah. You know you can’t-”

“Maggie, she hasn’t said a word in this whole argument. That is not like her. At all. You know that and I know that. Push the dose.” 

The charge nurse glanced down at her friend. Because Connor was right. Sarah hadn’t spoken at all. She must’ve been in that much pain because once again Connor was right. It wasn’t like the brunette to not speak, especially about her care. 

Maggie pushed the dose, but she sighed and told him, “Goodwin will-”

“I’ll sign the order. I’ll take the hit. This won’t come back on you. Goodwin will know that this is my doing.” Connor cut her off. Because right now, Sarah was still not talking but had also begun to shiver his arms. (The warning bells got worse.) He pressed in closer to her, trying to give her some of his body heat. The nurse rolled her eyes, “And Goodwin knows better than anyone I can handle a pushy doctor.”

“Sarah, we’ll give the pain meds a minute to work through your system. Then we’ll finish cleaning your burns, okay?” She addressed Sarah a moment later, rubbing a soothing hand on her shoulder. The brunette nodded her head. 

“Mags, while we’re waiting, would you mind calling up to the PICU for me?” She asked in a whisper.

“I’ll go do it right now.” 

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“You shouldn’t have done that. Goodwin is going to ream your neck for what you did.” The brunette beauty in his arms told him when they were alone. But there wasn’t any force in her words, no heat in her scolding. Inhale. Boyfriend. Exhale. Not a doctor. Connor pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’re in pain and the standard of care is Tylenol Two for second-degree burns. And besides that, you didn’t fight me on it.” 

Sarah pressed her face more into his neck and inhaled deeply. Her arms tightened around his waist feebly. “I don’t have the energy to fight you on it. I’m running on fumes right now.” 

Connor pressed another kiss to her forehead. “So does that mean you’ll let me take care of you?” 

“You mean coddle?” 

“Baby, letting someone help you isn’t coddling.” He told her in a quiet serious voice, using the pet name, which usually made her melt. His stubbornly independent girlfriend made a sound somewhere between a whine and a hum. 

“To-mate-o. To-mot-to.” She mumbled into his shoulder and he rolled his eyes fondly. But a beat later Sarah was mumbling, “…But I really hurt right now, so I wouldn’t say no to some coddling.” 

He chuckled softly at her antics, pressing his forehead to her curls as Maggie came back. She reassured the brunette, “Your nephew is still doing fine. I think Ricki said your brother is on his way down here to check on you and Erin though.”

“What happened to Hank?” 

“I’m not sure.” Out of the corner of her eye, Sarah saw Maggie shrug as she moved in closer.  “Are you ready to try this again, Reese?”

The brunette winced, but she nodded and pressed her face into her boyfriend’s neck once more. 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] 

With her burns now washed and the affected areas covered in bandages, Sarah yawned sleepily as she leaned heavily against Connor. Almost asleep against his chest. She was already tired when she came into the ED. The Tylenol Two was making her drowsy and the adrenaline wearing off was making it even more difficult to stay awake. 

“You won’t be able to sleep on your back for the next two weeks. At least. Maybe three.” Maggie was explaining even though Sarah knew this already. She told the charge nurse as much. 

“What did she say?” Maggie chuckled softly. Connor dropped another kiss on her head with a chuckle of his own, “It’s not a worry for her because she doesn’t sleep on her back. At all if she can help it.”

“I’ll just go have Dr. Lorette sign the order for your pain medication to take home and then you’re good to be discharged.”

“Thanks, Mags.” The brunette mumbled drowsily, nuzzling her face against her lover’s shoulder as his hands traced down her back. His fingers weaved patterns in between her skin and stark white bandages. She heard the privacy curtain as it was pulled back. Then it was quiet as the curtain was pulled back into its place. 

“Erin knows about us now by the way.” Sarah yawned, pulling away from Connor to rub at her eyes. A pair of lips ghosted against hers and she smiled as Connor’s warm citrus scent wrapped around her, just like she wanted. She hummed in delight. 

“You talked to her?” His voice reverberated into her skin and it tickled her. 

“She kind of cornered me when I had the cool compresses on my back.” Once again she squirmed more into his warm, strong arms…Until her back seemed to ache as if it was a heartbeat.

Her boyfriend frowned sympathetically and his fingers danced up and down her back as if to sooth the pain away. “How’d it go?” 

“About as well as it could? We talked and I think we’re good? I don’t like that she kept it from me, but I understand her reasoning behind it. Hank is another story and another battle for another day. Because knowing him, he’ll be all over what happened tonight. A squad car will probably be posted outside my apartment until my dad is satisfied that this case is closed and taken care of.”  

“Do you want it to be outside your apartment?” Sarah shot Connor a dry look and her lips twisted into an amused smile. 

“It’s cute you think I have a choice,” she murmured to him, “Because speaking from experience, I don’t. Not when Hank thinks he’s keeping me safe. His philosophy is I’ll be pissed at him, but I’ll still be here. I’m just lucky he isn’t trying to keep me at the district.”   

“But the patrol car could sit just as easily outside of my apartment as it would yours. If you wanted some ‘coddling.’” 

The soft look from earlier was back in Sarah’s gaze. Only this time Connor caught her. Cupping her cheek, he leaned down and captured her lips with his. 

“Stop it,” he scolded her lightly when his lips left hers. But he didn’t pull away completely from her and she felt his words as easily as they shared breath. “Stop looking at me like I’ve done something extraordinary when I really haven’t.” 

“But to me,” she whispered, resting her forehead against his. “You have because outside of my family, I really haven’t had someone care about me like this...Not seriously at least.”

“That’s because it sounds like you’ve dated dicks. No offense,” Connor said with an amused grin creeping up on his lips. The brunette sputtered (Even though she knew he was right.) when a voice called out, “As a person who’s seen a good portion of her past relationships, I have to agree.”

Connor raised his eyebrows at her as an exasperated sigh left her mouth. 

“Hank’s son,” Sarah explained quietly to Connor before she pulled out of his arms with a pained whine. She grabbed the strings of her hospital gown.  “Would you mind helping me tie the back of this?” 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

“Where’s Hank? I thought he was coming back. And how are Danny and Olive? Are they okay? Are you?” Sarah asked her pseudo-brother, after her gown was tied, the privacy curtain pulled back, and Connor excused himself to go get his stuff from the doctor’s lounge because Maggie had caught him just before he made it to his locker and Sarah thought maybe it was her boyfriend’s way of giving her and Justin some time to talk.

Justin’s face twisted and Sarah bit her lip worriedly. Hank and Justin had the same expression when knew something but weren’t sure how to break it to her.  “Out with it, Justin.” 

“We’re fine. We’re all fine. Really, I’m more worried about you. They’re talking about releasing Danny soon and according to Olive, it’s thanks to you that she didn’t wind up with those second-degree burns on your back.” Heat erupted in her cheeks without her permission as her best friend looked at her with a pointed look. But the look fell into one of concern when Sarah winced because another bout of pain had run up her back.  Then he sighed, “As for Dad…He got caught up on the phone with Alvin. Coordinating patrol cars for us with Trudy and I think they have a suspect in mind already and it has something to do with Bunny?” 

“Bunny?” The curly-haired brunette blinked. Then she blurted in a stunned voice, “As in Erin’s mother, Bunny?” 

The last she heard from Erin was that Bunny was back from Reno and had kicked Husband #5 to the curb.  

Justin nodded and shrugged, “I didn’t hear much else. Dad caught me trying to listen in and walked away.” 

“Well, Tuck doesn’t compare you to a bull in a china shop for nothing.” She told him dryly and her pseudo-brother rolled his eyes at her. Then Sarah sobered slightly as she asked, “Do you think Erin knows?”

Justin nodded folding his arms, “Yeah, she knows. I saw her before I came to see you. She’s planning on going to work with Dad since she doesn’t seem to have a concussion. But she said it has something to do with an old case and the suspect getting released because Bunny had proof that Dad didn’t witness the crime. They think the guy, who was released this morning rigged the car.” 

“Was the guy guilty?” Sarah asked, but not because she doubted Hank. He’d never knowingly put an innocent man behind bars, but there was always a chance he could’ve been led astray in a case. (Not a good one because Hank was a pretty good cop. But still a chance.) 

“According to Erin, he is. But she was pretty tight-lipped about the details. Couldn’t get much out of her.” Justin told her with a shrug. 

Sarah hummed as Maggie came back with a clipboard and some forms, not even noticing Justin. “Okay Reese, you know the drill. The medication is in the pharmacy. Take one as needed for pain with food and keep your burns clean and change your bandages every 3-4 hours. Come back if the burns start to blister. And I’ll let Sharon and Dr. Charles what happened and that you won’t be in today-”

“I can come in today.” Sarah interrupted. Both Maggie and Justin turned and stared at her. Then it was her best friend that shook his head, “Sarah, you can’t even move without being in pain. Turn your big overachieving perfectionist brain off and take a day at the very least.” 

“Reese, listen to your…” Maggie started then trailed off because she wasn’t sure how to refer to the man that stood in front of them, “Brother?” 

“Brother works,” Justin told her with a nod. 

“Annoying over-protective brother,” The brunette corrected snarkily. But both Maggie and Justin ignored her. The charge nurse nodded and said with more confidence, “Reese, listen to your brother... And if you don’t, I’m sure Connor would be more than happy to help your brother argue with you.” 

Sarah’s eyes drifted up to find Connor leaning against the doorframe. Shit. Well, this just turned into a losing battle between Justin and Connor. Maggie set her discharge paperwork next to her as the ED phone beeped. Her friend looked down and shook her head.

“She’s trying to come in for her shift today,” the nurse explained, passing by the surgeon. Then she was calling for another doctor, explaining a trauma was on its way in. 

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Connor said. The brunette frowned because she had heard that tone before.  Usually, Sarah loved when her boyfriend used that voice with her…But it was usually used in the bedroom…Then it was also used outside of the bedroom, like last month when the ED was locked down with Lily and David. 

“I’m fine,” Sarah stressed before she tried to hide another wave of pain ran up her back. As if to contradict her. Justin snorted and Sarah watched as he looked at Connor. 

“Boyfriend?” Connor nodded (The brunette was too busy trying to fight the pain showing on her face that she missed the way Connor’s chest puffed up a little at the title. It was his first time actually hearing it. Despite the situation, Connor couldn’t deny how right it sounded.)  and her pseudo-brother pointed to himself, “Older Brother.” 

His gaze found Sarah’s once more. “If you can get up and walk to him without any pain then we’ll let it drop and you can come to work.”

“If Ms. Goodwin or Dr. Charles will even let you after they know what happened.” Connor inputted oh-so-helpfully. 

Though the distance was just a few steps, the curly-haired brunette knew she wouldn’t be able to do that. She wouldn’t be able to focus on walking and keeping the pain off of her face. So instead, Sarah chose to glare at her best friend.

“You giving me Mom’s evil eyes isn’t going to change anything,” Justin told her, sounding undeterred as he folded his arms. He didn’t know how much he looked like Hank when he stood like that.

“Besides, you promised me I could take care of you tonight,” Connor said, making his way into the bay. She felt his body's heat at her back and she leaned into his chest a little, even as she said, “Assholes. Both of you.” 

Connor and Justin both snorted a laugh. “I’m going to head back upstairs. You need anything before I go?”

Sarah shook her head at her pseudo-brother. “But will you give Hank a different address for the patrol car?” 

It was a Lakeview address. One Justin hadn’t heard before. But from the way, the boyfriend was trying to contain a grin, it wasn’t hard to figure out that it was his.

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] 

“So I guess today is not the day that I see the inside of your apartment.” Connor drawled in her ear. 

“You wouldn’t fit in my bed,” Sarah deadpanned, turning to curl more into him. Even if it was a joke, she wasn’t sure if it was just that. While her bed was technically made for two people, it was small. Barely bigger than a large twin. “And we have a mattress to break in at your place and you promised me wine.”

“No wine with your pain medication,” Connor reminded her softly, pushing some of her curls back from her eyes, as his hand drifted to caress her cheek. 

“And we’ll be sleeping,” He stressed to her with a mock stern expression. “No funny business for at least three days. Your back is in no condition for any actual mattress-breaking activities.”

“I think that’s why you had to get a new mattress in the first place,” Sarah giggled. Then she nipped at his ear before she whispered, “And we could get up to some funny business if I’m on top Dr. Rhodes.”

“Do not tempt me,” Connor warned with a groan because of the image his girlfriend had helped plant in his mind. Sarah merely laughed. 

[holdonletmegetthisout]

For God’s sake start a journal already.

Somewhere along the way I was told I wasn’t great at writing. Maybe by a peer… or maybe it was a conclusion I’d drawn on my own? I distinctly remember sitting in creative writing, struggling to conjure up a story from the one sentence prompt on the screen. I’d stare at the lines on my paper for a few minutes, write down a sentence, find it lack luster, erase it, repeat. The timer would go off and we’d sit around reading our stories aloud. I’d sit in awe listening to the unique plots everyone had written. The teacher would call my name, and I’d go red in the face as I read my story that typically started with: “One day _____”. The class would clap like they did for everyone else, and the teacher would ask if anyone had questions (as if my tired writing could’ve left anyone wondering?? Honestly a sick joke on her end). No one would raise their hand, and we’d move on to the next person. Although now that I think about it, I’m not sure if I ever moved on. It seemed I checked off the box labeled “not a writer” in my head and never looked back.

I’ve always loved to read. Fascinated by beautiful pieces of literature, and the brain that thought to write it down. It was as if they had an endless bank of words waiting around in their mind, effortlessly turning to poetry the second their pen touched paper. That was such a foreign idea to me. I would sit for what felt like hours, trying to scrounge up ideas whenever I was faced with the task of writing. It always felt like such an impossible chore to me. I also have a very strong love for music. It’s gotten me through every point in my life, both good and bad. I can make a playlist for any occasion, any person, any season. I’ll sit for hours listening to my favorite songs, dissecting the lyrics, relating them to my life. Easily finding hidden meanings to the words echoing in my headphones. My favorite songs touch places so deep in my soul that it brings me to tears. All this admiration for words… but no urge to write. It never made sense to me, and I never dug deeper.

One day (hehehhahah) I got a journal. I had seen a video of a girl who had been keeping a journal since she was 13. She was in her mid twenties and had years and years of her life documented. I thought about how amazing it would be to be able to read my 15 year old thoughts. They’d be immature and uneducated, and not all that great I’m sure… but being able to know exactly what I thought, on a random Tuesday in my 15 year old life, that would be amazing. I thought about how my 50 year old self might appreciate my 20 year old thoughts in that same capacity. I started writing as often as I’d let myself. I struggled to write when my handwriting was too messy, when I felt I had nothing to write about; nothing that important to say. Every small insecurity I had subconsciously tacked onto my writing abilities now glaringly obvious in the pages of my journal. Finishing off my entries with “P.S. my handwriting looks horrible today…and I know this was kind of a boring entry! Sorry!” Apologizing to myself?? For my own abilities?? For my own thoughts and ideas?? That’s when it clicked. I didn’t hate writing; I wasn’t bad at writing; I was scared of writing… scared of being judged. Writing in any format showcases your inner thoughts…your original ideas. I didn’t want anyone, myself included apparently, to be able to judge my mind. Is there anything more personal than ones own thoughts? More specifically a journal? Theres no form of writing more intimate than writing in your own journal. I had written for months with so much anxiety and restraint before I realized just how much I was holding myself back. I wrote about love; thinking I had found it, and the harsh reality of finding out I hadn’t. I wrote about friendships, work, good days, and bad ones. All with such apprehension. Holding back from pouring out anything I deemed “too dramatic” or “ too deep”, as if this wasn’t the exact place I should feel safe doing so. It’s sad really. Looking back at the problems I was going through, and realizing how much quicker I would’ve been able to get through them, if I had given myself the grace to write freely. You can heal a lot of pain by writing it down on paper. But not if you leave out all the terrible parts.

I don’t consider myself an incredible writer now by any means. I don’t consider myself a writer at all. But I know now that I actually do like to write. I still struggle to find the right words, and I know for certain my journal is full of grammatical errors. But I’ve decided my thoughts mean more than any mistakes made while I express them. That’s progress for me. My new goal is to find beauty in my own writing. I’m really not asking for much from myself this early on in my writing journey. Something as small as the gratification I feel when using a favorite word (some examples: drat, superfluous, somber, ennui, rats! (Yes, used as an exclamation)) Is enough. It just feels good to let my thoughts be free, I’ve got far too many of them to let them fester inside for too long.

[thatonelesbianfander]

As the World Caves In (Demus Angst)

Fandom// Sanders Sides

TW// Major Character Death, Angst w/ sad ending, suicide mention, violence mention, crying, sirens, explosion

Word count// 675

Description// It’s the end of the world. The world leaders have all announced that they would be nuking the world and taking off with a bunch of the rich people to start fresh on a new planet. During this time, Remus and Janus spend their final moments together as the world caves in.

Characters// Remus Sanders, Janus Sanders

Pairings// Demus/Dukeceit

AUs// Human AU/ End of the World AU

Author’s note// This is kind of a vent one-shot to get my mind off of a dream I had. It is also based off the song, As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The world was in chaos. The sounds of car alarms, glass shattering, and screams mixed together as people ran rampant through the streets. The government had announced that all countries came to an unanimous agreement that they were going to nuke the entire world while any rich people and world leaders fled to a new planet. This led to the general public freaking out, causing all hell to break lose. Remus looked out at the chaos outside their window, a solemn expression on their face.

”Mi amor, back away from the window please. There’s too many crazy people out there, I don’t want you getting hurt,” Remus’s spouse, Janus, said. Remus sighed.

”What’s the point? The world’s going to be ending soon… Roman and his partner committed a double suicide when everyone got the message… I’m never going to be able to finish my big project that I’ve been working so hard on… There’s nothing going for me anymore,” Remus said, not looking at Janus. Janus sighed, walking over to its spouse and hugging them.

”I know… But I’d rather spend all the time we have together in our last moments, than have it cut even shorter… Now, come on, let’s spend our time together wisely,” Janus said. Remus smiled a little. The two stood up, Remus grabbing Janus’s hand as the two walked to the living room. The two sat on the couch, Janus turning on the TV and switching to the news. Remus grabbed out a few pens, grabbing one of Janus’s hands. They took off Janus’s gloves and started to doodle on Janus’s hand. They drew many different small tattoo designs as Janus smiled at them, admiring their spouse.

”I love you so much, Remus,” Janus said.

”I love you too, Janus,” Remus said, smiling softly at Janus. The two kissed each other, staying in each other’s embrace for a while before pulling away. Remus continued to doodle on Janus’s hand as the news played in the background. Janus watched the news as the news reporter was attacked on camera by a group of drunk people, the camera soon being ditched on the ground. Janus turned off the TV, sighing as they leaned back on the couch a little.

”Do you think there’s an afterlife for us?” Remus asked as they drew.

”What?” Janus replied, turning its attention to Remus.

”Like, do you think when this is all over, there will be a second life for us where we can be happy and not have to worry about anything?” Remus repeated, looking up at Janus.

”I… I don’t know, Remus… I never really thought about the afterlife… I never even thought this would be happening… But just know… If there is an afterlife, I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you’re a part of mine,” Janus responded. Remus smiled softly at Janus, pressing a light kiss to its cheek before capping their pen. Janus reached over for its phone, connecting it to their bluetooth speaker and putting on their slow dancing playlist. Janus stood up, extending their hand out to Remus.

”May I have this last dance, mi amor?” Janus asked. Remus smiled, nodding and grabbing Janus’s hand. Janus pulled Remus up off of the couch and held onto their waist as Remus put their hands on its shoulder. The two started to slow dance as the music played in the background. The two finished slow dancing as the song ended, staying in each other’s arms. They soon heard sirens blaring, knowing that the nuke for their part of the country was just launched. The two looked at each other as tears streamed down their faces.

”Good night, mi amor,” Janus said softly, placing a hand on Remus’s cheek.

”Good night, darling,” Remus responded. The two shared one last kiss before pulling away and collapsing on the ground, holding each other tightly as the world faded to white.

[scarletlizzard]

Precisely, glad to see you’re catching on.

Your manners are delicious - it’s so satisfying to watch you swallow your pride and behave, just to please me. Such an eager girl. Seeing as you asked so nicely, I’m 5’7 with hazel eyes, and do feel free to allow another few inches to that considering your ‘little Brit’ is nigh on constantly in heels.

Well, I haven’t punished you for your bratty behaviour, have I? A small admonishment has always been enough to have you fawning again. Though I admit I am inclined to be lenient in that aspect; I enjoy a pet with some personality - playfulness ought to be encouraged, but I warn you not to test the boundaries, darling.

I am glad to hear that you enjoy my manner of speech, I imagine it can be an acquired taste, particularly for other nationalities. I’m particularly gratified to see your response to being called a good girl, so very responsive.

Gosh, some nostalgic names in there! I really appreciate Hozier’s tone of voice, but in all honesty I don’t think I’ve listened to him since Take Me to Church was released! Suggest a couple of his songs to me, I’ll gladly try them. For me, Labrinth has such strong connotations of juvenile drinking at messy house parties, but it seems he has moved on from the days of ‘Earthquake’! I just listened to (and very much enjoyed) The Feels, so well done you. As for Leon Bridges, I adore him - in fact he was my most recently purchased vinyl. Excellent taste, darling. Having said that, I hadn’t heard Shy and (naturally) am now a huge fan. I currently have a Laufey song (Street by Street) on my playlist, but I think I may prefer this! Another wonderful addition to the playlist regardless.

I can tell that you worked hard, and you did such a good job, clever girl.

-🫖

BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ONE WORD TO ME. This was sent before all the asks last night. But I still want to answer because it's my blog and I most absolutely can do whatever I want!!

Yeah, this aged really well, don't you think? Pride? Swallowed. Behave? I'm sat! Something about you thinking my manners are delicious just makes me want to -

You're quite taller than me, and the heels 😳😩 but also like... you're my little Brit 😙

I have to admit those hazel eyes WILL be on my mind. Also will admit you being lenient about your punishments?? Not so sure that's true. And so what if I admit you calling me a good girl had me on my knees?

Anyways I'm DONE admitting things!! Y'all are just ruthless. You're not even supposed to be reading this unless your name is little Brit. Go away!

Hozier just released an EP called Unheard yesterday that's been on repeat for me. It's four songs, and they're all so good. I'm particularly addicted to Too Sweet and Empire now. Besides the EP I think you'll like his songs Movement and Eat Your Young 😊

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you listened, and even enjoyed my recommendations! Also that you even already listen to them. The fact that I knew so well is even more gratifying 😋 I love vinyl! Although I imagine our collections are a bit different. I do have a few classical though if that gets me any points.

[just-jordie-things]

your writing is so so good do u have any tips? hope u have a great day! ^^

i’ve never been asked this before! i had to think about it!

a biggie take your time finding your style- as you can see on my masterlist i have a looot of shit on there from years of writing fanfic and experimenting. getting out of my comfort zone can be kinda hard for me personally, but with writing it was so worth it bc you can really see a metamorphosis there of when i was writing just to write and when i was writing with a drive.

don’t be afraid to ignore the rules of grammar. run on sentences are beautiful. i’ve found that especially so when the plot is driven by someone’s stream of consciousness as though they’re narrating it. thoughts are messy, they’re long and sometimes awkward and there’s no such thing as grammar in your mind !! of course spelling and punctuation are important and i’d recommend editing tho (idk her 😳) but get creative with it!!

thesaurus.com is my bestie 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 i often find myself using a lot of the same words and i don’t want to bore readers with repetitiveness! and also it’s just an easy way to expand my vocabulary too. (in person i stammer and have the reach of a fourth grader lmfao so i always want my writing to be concise and make the reader feel exactly what i want them to with my language)

also something i’ve started doing recently !! when i’m away from my wip and daydream about it, i write it down right away! in my notes app or on sticky notes or even my hand hehe. sure if it’s a significant enough plot point i’ll probably remember… but there’s no time like the present!! i want A to look at B a little differently in that one quick scene? i want to make them eat something different for foreshadowing? little details like that can be huge in your writing !! something a reader might gloss over but then realize later it was all a part of a greater scheme?? yes. so take note of those thoughts and daydreams you have !! even if you don’t end up adding it to your work, it’s better than having a profound, fic changing idea that you forget before you get the chance to write it!

this one is simple but a biggie- think about what you would want to read. i’ve been trying to keep this in mind as of late, especially when writing longer pieces where i want to make y’all suffer. find new ways to build the tension in your plot. give us different points of view, give us an untrustworthy narrator that thinks they’ve got it all figured out. throw in extra conflict. fanfiction is the melting pot of whatever the fuck you want !! so go stupid go crazy and make it something you love, and you should be good to go!! not to be cheesy but as long as you love it then you’re solid. doing something you love over and over will naturally lead you through growth and finding your style. don’t be wrapped up in notes right away (yes it can be a bit of an issue on this app- but none of has have control over how people enjoy your work- so you might as well focus on enjoying it for yourself) because as long as you’re doing something you’re passionate about and sharing it with us, more people will soon flock to enjoy it with you <3

lastly i just enjoy making mini playlists for whatever i’m currently working on. they don’t have to correlate completely with your plot. sometimes the sound of a beat is good enough for me to throw it on. if it gets me excited and planning out scenes i haven’t gotten to yet then it’s good enough for me!! i will listen to the same song on repeat in the name of ✨vibes✨ even if the words themselves have nothing to do with the plot i’m writing. that’s probably lazy basic advice but it works well for me and i love listening to music so !!

i hope this helps, and i wish you all kinds of luck as you explore this hobby for yourself !! it can be so freeing to get lost in your own work, and tbh sometimes i feel a little cringe about writing fanfiction but… i just adore it. it’s my favorite thing to do and when i think like that i stomp it down bc i’m proud of my work! i’m proud of how far i’ve come and i’m eager to see what i can push myself towards next!!!

happy writing, happy reading, and if you ever need more help i’m happy to do the best i can for ya! this goes for anyone, please always feel free to reach out even if you just want to talk brainrot. making friends thru this hobby is amazing bc like-interests are 💞🩷

xoxo ~ jordie

[vodid]

MORE QUESTIONSSSS

Sooo, first one is, what advice do you have for aspiring writers and artists that follow you? Follow your passion, practice a lot, don’t get distracted, etc?

What’s the best part about being an author and a writer? The satisfaction when you finally finish a piece, or when a lot of people like and share your artwork and book?

Do you read any fanfictions? I’m wondering because I’ve almost ran out of good Prowl/Jazz fanfictions and I want more to cure my need for cuteness and angst with those two 🤲

Do you listen to music when you write/draw? If so, what kind of music, or does it depend on the scene when your writing/drawing. It definitely depends on what I’m writing at the moment to determine the music lmao

Will you ever make your Obsidian King fanfiction into a little series? Like after you’re done the first one with Prowl and Jazz whenever, will you plan on doing one with like Bluestreak and a love interest and how that would all play out? Or is the Obsidian King just a standalone?

Have you ever cried when you were writing your books? The Obsidian King, Vulnerability or otherwise? I cried during Vulnerability :( poor Bumblebee man and I relate to it so much too! Like, I absolutely love your writing in both because it feels as if I’m actually there, y’know?

Do you plan on continuing to learn German despite when you finish your Vulnerability fanfiction one day and only need a bit of German for it? I find it cool to learn German! I’m learning French at the moment, but I’m thinking about learning German after.

ANYWAYS, too many questions, I have more though. I was planning to send this before you woke up at some point, but then I had to go to a doctors appointment and I ran out of data unfortunately. Can’t wait to hear your answers if you respond to this!

hello anon <3

advice for aspiring artists/writers? you hit the nail on the head lol gonna preach the three P's i told myself and others years ago: practice, patience and passion. when you're a growing artist (which you always will be) you need to have patience with yourself as you navigate through the mistakes and learning curves as you practice. the passion keeps you motivated. if you don't have that passion and patience, you might have a hard time with the practice and growth

best part of being a writer? short answer: i love getting comments that analyze my work. long answer: i have been trying my best to focus less on the end product and its reception when it comes to writing, much like my art. this can even lead back to the first question: i personally believe you should not focus most on those things, but the process more. the things you learned, the steps you took, the parts that felt therapeutic for you. that's what should be the best part. (but ofc, i do love the comments i get on my writing and it certainly makes it feel even more worth it. analyses on my writing? THE best.)

j/p fanfic recs most of my favorites come from beloved rizobact. winner takes all and crystal ghosts are my favs from her. it's been a long time since i read this one, but domino milkshake was a fun one as far as i remember. if you've already exhausted those, the j/p zine just published some fics ',:)

do you listen to music when you draw/write? lot of times, i focus best with no music or a single song on repeat. tho i don't like the silence as much, it's quite boring. i like to have something so i'll either listen to music or put on a youtube video, usually mark or jack, sometimes reaction videos from other youtubers. i don't usually switch up what i'm listening to based on what i'm writing bc most times, it's the music that determines the art but it's not the biggest influence. i tend to listen to whatever my neurodivergent brain decided to attach to that week ...or month. rn, i'm still working through exhausting a german playlist and "rising kingdom" (yes, the minecraft song lol)

will obsidian king be a series? this is the plan as i realize i may not be able to juggle the various stories all in one fic (i'm sure i could but the way i had started the obsidian king wasn't the right setup for it) the next one i want to tackle after j/p is megoplita's story. from when they all first fell in love to the beginning of the autobot-decepticon war. bluestreak and the twins may not get their own story for a long while, if at all, since i do not have anything figured out post-war.

have you ever cried while writing a fic? not any of my current ones, no. but i have cried writing you are my flower iirc and infinity (i took prowl's death HARD, man.) vulnerability does hit home with me since it's just pure projection with bumblebee, a lot of it was actual sensations and thoughts i've experienced, but it was more therapeutic than upsetting for me. take care of urself anon <:)!

do you plan to continue learning german after you finish vulnerability? hell yeah, i hope to! i don't have a solid end goal going into this, because i highly doubt i will reach any sort of fluency, but it will always be a fun and interesting thing to learn. if i did have to give myself a goal, it would be to write a fic in german to test my knowledge! but for now, it's mostly just keeping my brain busy and engaged with something new

u can always drop more questions if u want <3