#i have a visceral reaction every time he’s on my screen

[911birds]

damn tommy kinard is kinda ugly 🫡 sorry to the shoebill. you don’t deserve to look like him.

i hate that man with my entire being and would cheer if he spontaneously combusted.

[moosha-mushroom]

Media I imagine different fiction podcasts in instead of the media of being a podcast.

TMA: A selection of volumes, relating to the fears, each with those removable covers. Those covers has a victim or two, and then underneath the cover is a really detailed cover. The paper is decoratively ripped, with a kind of scraggly font, and each has a foreword and ‘author’s note’ from Jonathan Sims.

Malevolent: A really gritty graphic novel with deadly detail in each panel, and very little color. Maybe a trinket on each important character has a color? Like Arthur’s eyes being yellow or Oscar’s collar having a blue sheen to it. The novels are long, dramatic, and intimate in a visceral way.

Welcome to Night Vale: Local 58 bullshit. A broadcast on television with low quality images and audio, tacky music, and a kind of 80’s aesthetic. Each episode the words WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE zoom onto the screen, the purple eye behind them. And each weather segment is an animated short by a different artist.

The Penumbra(Juno Steel): A webcomic. Hours spent scrolling downward a comic that has so much color and GEOMETRIC design. Juno and his curvy jaw, brown pie slice eyes, a cartoonishly high collar for his investigator jacket. Nureyev and his sharp square jaw, shimmering jewelry, and stick legs. Characters sticking out of the panels, fonts changing constantly, a little blue Juno that does his narration and *guitar theme plays* each time he appears.

Wolf 359: A classic comic. Issues month by month. Different special covers of the characters in extra dramatic poses or scenes. Even MORE panel breaking than Juno Steel. So MUCH onomatopoeia, even for small things like the clink of a panel or the disapproving hiss of Hilbert in the background. Geometric designs like Juno Steel, but less colorful. Like the superhero art style mixed with a more stylized look.

Midnight Burger: You pull up the Midnight Burger website. They have a hidden page that has a sort of script-comic thing going on, where the art is next to the writing. Small coded in notes from Leif sometimes pop up if you hold your arrow over the art. Links are attached to the parts where Effie and Zebulon play music, linking you to the music so you can listen to it while you read.

Desert Skies: An animated show. Indie, something you’d find on YouTube. The animation is bouncy and incorporates 3D animation alongside the 2D. Maybe the Sphere Movers have 3D models and the staff don’t? The credits are short because it was made by one guy. People are complaining about it on Twitter /j. People are making content farms about it. Everyone is pissed at Corson like they’re pissed at Jax.

The Amelia Project: A sort of simulation video game. You play as Arthur. You listen to their stories and draw pieces of the tale to invent their death. Every once in a while the game transitions to a point and click suspense game where you solve puzzles as Cole and Haines. Maybe there should even be an Operation-esque part of it where you work as Kozlowski.

Ghost Wax: A novel with a lot of pictures spliced in it. The stories are all in a single book, though the book is through Luca’s perspective— so he picks up on the ghost’s body language and Voncid’s reactions. The pictures are tarot cards with each victim as a card. Some are repeat cards— Lorem does not have a card at the end of the story. Nor does Our Home or Evening at the Ardent. The pictures are only white with black line art. No color whatsoever.

Kakos Industries: A company newsletter. Not a broadcast. A newspaper that arrives at your door and has big bold letters with the main story and pictures of the events that happen in the story as it goes. And the Sunday Comic page is full of employee shenanigans. Some innocent… some not.

I am losing my mind.

[top-vi]

the contrast of rhaenyra's and alicent's experiences with motherhood is so fascinating

I’ve always argued the storyline of being wary of motherhood and childbirth would’ve worked better with Alicent than Rhaenyra.

Alicent doesn’t get to choose who the father of her children is, she doesn’t have access to contraceptives nor can she refuse Viserys when he calls for her.

The themes of forced motherhood and the consequences of this would work so much better with women like Alicent: struggling to love children forced on you, not understanding why you’re not overcome with maternal affection, suffering from undiagnosed postpartum depression etc.

With Rhaenyra it just doesn’t work because unlike Alicent she can choose her children’s father and she can decide when she wants to be pregnant. In the books she has three back to back pregnancies and then stops for 4 years, whilst in the show she has Joffrey eight years after Luke which means she intentionally had a third child. Either way it all comes down to Rhaenyra having bodily autonomy; if she didn’t want to be pregnant she wouldn’t be pregnant.

Also having Rhaenyra be the one who expresses her wish to not have children honestly feels more sexist because the writers are implying not wanting to be a mother isn’t normal, so once Rhaenyra gives birth to Jace she realises the error of her ways and happily has five more. This implication doesn’t sit well with me.

so i wasn’t fair to you anon, and i’ve let this sit in my inbox since may. the reason for this is because i wanted to see how alicent and rhaenyra’s relationships to their children were developed, explained, and expanded on in season two.

regarding alicent and her children:

i think we officially got your wish anon (mine too). while some people may be unhappy with her arc in season 2, alicent has always had a deep-seated love-hate relationship with her children. i’d argue that in season one we also got glimpses into the just…visceral revulsion that she cannot shake when she looks at her children, aegon in particular. but in season two i think she’s truly confronted, in a noticeable tangible way, with the facts of her sons.

obviously, i wish we’d been able to see more of this kind of dynamic back in season one, especially with a younger alicent. however, there are season constraints and we can only see so much in ten episodes (side note: 8-10 episode seasons with a two year wait in between is a rant for another time, but know i’m not being like “yay season constraints!”).

the problem with alicent’s arc and struggle is that so fucking much of it is internal. it is so incredibly hard to show on screen and i find the way its been done so far admirable. up until luke’s death, alicent is lying to herself over and over every day about her relationship to her children, aemond and aegon particularly. once the war starts i believe the tower of lies she’s told herself (this is morally correct, i’m just doing my duty, i was treated well, i’m protecting my children like any mother should) start to crumble. i hate so much that we never got her reaction to aemond killing luke for this reason.

also, to a certain extent she may not ever truly come to grips with her trauma. there are no words for what she went through—marital rape was not a concept then. it still manifests, obviously, but i think we can tell with her repeated insistence that viserys was a decent husband and man [loud incorrect buzzer] that she still thinks she’s the one who’s done something wrong. i’ll be interested to see if the writers ever actually have alicent come to grips with the fact that viserys was, in fact, not a good person or king. personally, i don’t believe they will, but we can always hope.

anyways, all this is to say that: i do believe the themes of forced motherhood and its lifelong consequences are well done and explored with alicent (thus far). people will disagree, perhaps even you, but her eventual rejection of aegon and aemond; her desperate, almost chaotic protection of helaena; her ideas about daeron; all of it really speaks to the struggle she’s had and is going through as their mother.

regarding rhaenyra and her children:

this is more difficult that alicent lol

before i get into my gripes with her story, i do want to push back just a little bit on the idea that rhaenyra truly has bodily autonomy. regardless of when or with whom she gets pregnant, she’s still expected to get pregnant and have children. while its unfortunately not explored, she does need to produce heirs.

now. i agree with you for the most part. rhaenyra’s relationships to her children really make no sense. the only one that’s fleshed out is jace, and while that is interesting in the “she’s doing to him exactly what viserys did to her,” it is not complex internally (in the same way alicent’s is). i also personally see joffery as an oops baby, but who really knows. i don’t even know how to explain her children with daemon. they were plot necessary i guess lmfao

the problem with rhaenyra and her children is that almost all of the critical moments in their relationships happen off screen during the time jump. its a structural tv show problem and it brings up these kinds of issues when looking deeper into the relationships she would actually have. i think the writers did a good job this season of making the internal conflict and intrapersonal strife within team black better, but this is just one of those things thats never going to be explored. in this sense we’ll never really know her true feelings or the development that could’ve happened—which is a massive shame.

my personal headcanon (so take with a grain of salt and don’t come for me), is that rhaenyra isn’t against the idea of children as a teenager, she’s against the childbirth. i believe this both because of the horrors of watching her mother’s repeated miscarriages and eventual death while in childbirth, and her consistent refrain of the desire to be a man. i think she wants, to her core, freedom and, as a woman, having a child requires much more sacrifice than having a child as a man.

i don’t personally see the change from not wanting children to totally wanting children as misogynistic, but i don’t blame you for seeing it that way because of the utter lack of canon explanation for it. again, i wasn’t really fair to you keeping this until season two was finished, but i think both alicent and rhaenyra’s relationships to motherhood were developed well.

[mini-jiminie]

moments where I cannot stand these two

hi, I recently remembered that my Tumblr account has been collecting dust on the internet for the past 4-5 years🤩 I've spent the better part of the last month scrolling through this app and all the jkk blogs like a sugar-crazed toddler. Coming back to tumblr has been an absolute blessing considering how much of a shit show twitter is.

Anyways, I spend a grand portion of my time reading the amazing and intellectual thoughts of jkk blogs on here and decided hey, I'll make my own post about these two.

I've been knees-deep in this bts shit for the past 7 years. Since then, I've witnessed some crazy stuff from those two so, I've decided to compile some moments that:

a) make my toes curl from how much I'm cringing

b) make me so clearly feel the fourth wall,

c) have me looking over at the other bts boys in panic because, how are ya'll just standing there accepting the homoerotic mating ritual before you??

We're starting with a bang girlies. The way I have a visceral reaction to this video every time it comes up on my tl. I couldn't even look at my screen when I was saving it and, it's infinitely worse with the audio too. What are we interrupting exactly??? Toes curling to the highest degree, I'm biting my nails off, akakdncdb.

#someone please save my man joon

This is my genuine reaction to this clip:

2. Do I even need to explain this? It's been years but they still can never get through a round of this palm-pushing game.

Jimin baby, I need you to get up. Every time, I root so hard for him to win at least one run bts game and then, he goes and does shit like this. I'm tired.

Hobi and Tae were fully prepared as backup in case the game got too rowdy, just for those two to be like 😆🥰😊😙

3. Again, I CANT STAND THESE TWO. The coy smiles, eye contact, holding onto the blazer???? There's also a fancam of this focusing on just their legs and,,,,,,girl.

If the mics weren't there, they would've made out– GUNSHOTS.

There are plenty more instances that I'm not remembering but, these ones are the ones that have me crying, hacking and throwing up.

[he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle]

Favorite BL Antagonists

I was tagged by @my-rose-tinted-glasses (thank you!) and quickly realized that as far as currently airing BLs go, we all have the same faves! So to switch it up, I'm opting to have you guys pick from my favorite (least favorite? most hated? most annoying? most beloathed?) antagonists. They aren't necessarily villains (though some may be), and the show may or may not have redeemed them. But they definitely stirred up shit. These are the characters that at some point, I wanted to punch in the face or toss off a cliff.

Plern Pleng - Together With Me

Just saying her name makes me want to slap someone. I wanted to slap her every time she was on my screen. She invokes a really visceral need see her slapped. She's the OG of BL Witches-With-A-B, and to this day I still find myself comparing newer characters (like Eun Ji in The Eighth Sense) to her and find they don't usually measure up to her level of audacity.

Todd - Not Me

Whatever twisted situationship he had going on with Black, he rocked having a gun pointed to his face. And the confidence that Black couldn't kill him any more than he could kill Black looked sexy as hell on him. But he unapologetically put Black in a coma, deceived White and used him as an unwitting spy, and worked against our ragtag team of anti-establishment protesters.

Tawan - Kinnporsche

He came back into Kinn's life with his sad puppy dog eyes acting like a victim, and it's true he was a unknowing pawn in Vegas' 4D chess match with Kinn and ultimately got outplayed. But he put a gun to Porsche's head and for that I will not forgive him.

Kit - Never Let Me Go

Yeah, yeah, I'm using a gif from The Sign. That's because I spent a half hour searching for gifs of him as the hot uncle in a suit from Never Let Me Go and while I did find some they weren't of him alone. When I looked for gifs of the actor, Nat Sakdatorn, they were mostly of him in The Sign, in 609 Bedtime Story, and kissing Singto in FriendZone. So I figured I'd grace your dashes with him shirtless because... well, you're welcome. Anywho, in Never Let Me Go, Kit was greedy and fucked up and a shit father. But he was smoking hot while doing it!

Uea's Mom - Bed Friend

How evil do you have to be before absolutely no one on this hellsite is willing to gif you? As bad as this lady, apparently! I searched high and low using the actor's name, every combination of description of the scenes and episodes she was in, even used Google. And let me tell you, people only giffed Uea's reactions to her (I don't blame y'all. He's legit that pretty) or her in passing. So... Thida. Is a shit mom. And a criminal. And a child abuser. And a homophobe. And she's one of the only Bad Parents in Thai BL who got what was coming to them.

Anyone else want to play? Tag! You're it. No pressure tags to @lurkingshan @respectthepetty @slayerkitty @bengiyo @wanderlust-in-my-soul

And also: @wen-kexing-apologist @twig-tea @waitmyturtles @spicyvampire @stefanyd

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

En Del Av Dig thoughts! (spoiler notes will be below the cut)

4/5 stars from me. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but some of the pacing could have been better.

- holy fucking shit Felicia is amazing. I’ve been a fan of her for a long time, I watched Heartbeats, I watched Avgrunden, I’ve obviously watched Royals, but this is next level. Her acting is incredible. It’s the kind of acting that makes you have a visceral reaction. The emotional moments made me take pause and her little micro expressions through the whole movie were so amazing. I don’t know how to describe how difficult it is to act like you’re acting, but she did it seamlessly.

- ZARA LARSSON CAN ACT. I’m gonna be honest, when I saw they cast her, especially for such a vital role, I didn’t know how it was gonna work out. It worked out amazing. She is a triple threat, my friends. Another performance that gave me a visceral reaction. THE LAYERS OF HER CHARACTER YALL

- Zara and Felicia together was otherworldly. They played so well off each other and the way they were able to act together and look alike in their mannerisms made me have to pause and second guess which one of them was about to be on screen more than once.

- the real main character was blue eyeshadow

- every song i've heard in the last 24 hours can be an En del av dig edit song if I try hard enough.

Spoilers:

- The fight between Agnes and Noel was insane. Incredible and visceral and I won't stop thinking about it for a long long time. "What, you can't sleep with me if I remind you of her?" and "Do you want me to say she's coming back? She's not. She's dead, Agnes. She's fucking dead." HOLY SHIT.

- Julia was surprisingly deep. Her struggles coming out in the last half hour was wild, but I wish they would have spent more time on it instead of just "oh she might have killed herself on purpose maybe"

- I simply could not take the green contacts seriously. I love Edvin but he looked like a cullen wannabe in that one scene.

- If there's one thing I'll fall for every single time, it's the gay pining best friend trope.

- Actually started screaming "BREATHE. YOU NEED TO COME UP FOR AIR, KIDS" and I choose not to elaborate. iykyk

- I'm really glad that they established that Agnes was into Noel before Julia died. It makes you root for them a little more, knowing there was something there before they lost Julia. They were already playful with each other, Anges was already down bad, and Noel already felt protective over her.

- That however does not excuse the next point which is: I need a full psychological study on Noel because what the hell? Sir? Not one of those decisions was correct. We cannot sister hop after one dies, we cannot leave after sex because of our own poor decisions coming back to haunt us, we cannot undo all the poor decisions by showing up with a single flower. SIR-

- Felicia's acting in the scenes between Agnes and her mother was incredible and, once again, something I will be thinking about for a long time.

- The play and Agnes' monologue tying in throughout the story was really beautiful and even though you could see it coming, it was a really impactful ending.

[sugoi-and-spice]

My actual prediction for [REDACTED's] fate at the end of MHA, and just my big ol' meta on the whole situation.

Sadly, I don't think Shigaraki is coming back to life. I really fucking hope he does, but I can't believe it for two weeks and then watch it not happen, I will break . Yeah Horikoshi loves his fake out deaths... But idk, Shigaraki 's body is pretty damn gone. And he tends to pull his punches less when it comes to villains (Twice anyone?!)

I truthfully think the best chance we have of seeing him again is through One for All.

Shigaraki 100% transferred OFA back to Deku with that last bloody fist bump. That moment was a huge part of Horikoshi’s original ending with Bakugo, and I wouldn’t be surprised (or mad) if he decided to try to work it into this new version of his ending.

I think we probably will see Shigaraki again and get some more of that context and closure that we’re looking for, but it will be as a vestige within OFA. That’s my prediction, that’s the best direction that I can imagine this ending going in my little lizard writer brain. And I don’t think I’ll be mad about that. (But idk man, talk to me again in like 2 weeks lol).

I’ve always had a hard time believing that Shigaraki was going to make it out of this series alive. Of course, I’ve always wanted Horikoshi to find a clever way for him to do so without totally betraying his character -- I never believed that Shigaraki should fully join the side of the heroes. It’s just so antithetical to his mission and the message of MHA, nor could he ever just… live a normal life with every crime he committed, and him spending his life in prison would be just as miserable as him dying like this imo, no fucking freedom there. Sure, the simp in me wanted an ending where he got a redemption and life, but I certainly wasn’t optimistic. It would be a HARD fucking thing to do. I certainly don’t know how I would do it if I was in Horikoshi’s shoes, as a fellow professional writer (not just of romance either. I write and edit YA action fiction in my normie job, fun fact). I had hoped Horikoshi would figure it out, and a part of me is obviously hoping that Kurogiri managed to pull some hijinks and somehow warp him away, then he and his friends go on to live like little rats the way they have for the majority of the series, forever, buuuut-

I did always have a feeling he was probably going to go the Vader route.

Honestly, him dying beating the shit out of All for One is a pretty great exit for his character, feels more true than him sacrificing himself for the heroes’ side or humanity’s sake. It is the quickness with which this all occurred, the off-screen rescuing he had by Nana Shimura, and the lack of bodily autonomy in his death that I think is pissing people off. (It’s certainly what’s pissing me off). If we had even just gotten a moment of him having full control of his body again, looking up to the sky and seeing his friends waiting for him as he decayed away – or you know, just a death that lasted longer then two damn pages – I think the reactions wouldn’t be so visceral.

That being said. Horikoshi is a master chef, particularly when it comes to stories of recovering from trauma and getting closure, as well as tying up loose threads imo (remember when everyone though that he FORGOT the traitor plotline? Boy was that an embarrassing time for the fandom lmao),  and this man has been cooking for a while now. MHA has been the best it has ever been in this Final Saga and I don’t think he’s done with this dish just yet, nor do I think he’s done with Shigaraki. Physically? Probably. But everything that Shigaraki represents and stands for in this series, no I don’t think this is the end of that. Just because we didn’t see those moments we wanted in this last chapter, doesn’t mean we won’t see them in the next.

So as shell-shocked as I am right now to see my ultimate comfort character (who I have a tattoo of by the way lol) fade away into dust, I’m gonna trust the process and Horikoshi for now.

It ain’t over til it’s over, as it were.

Peace.

(And all that being said, I probably will still write a fix it fanfic where he lives instead, regardless of how this is handled lmao)

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/5/2024: INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994)

I'm sorry, but this movie fucking sucks. I hadn't seen it in decades and I thought it was probably "OK"; I devoured the books as a kid and I didn't remember hating the film, but I should have realized that it was a red flag that I didn't love it. I have now discovered that it's bad enough that it failed to thrill me when I was a morose little horror dork who was really the target audience, and as an adult I can hardly stand it.

Daniel Molloy (Christian Slater, dressed up as Art Spiegelman for some reason) interviews for-realsies vampire Louis (Brad Pitt, still looking like he spends a lot of time in the sun) about life with his master Lestat (Tom Cruise, who knows why) and their eternally-childlike daughter Claudia (poor li'l Kirsten Dunst). Suddenly I feel like I don't know what to say about this, as I'm writing, even though I enjoyed the book and also the superior-in-every-single-way TV show. You know. Louis is really sad about being a monster. Lestat is really happy about being a monster. Claudia is really mad about being a monster. They have interpersonal problems. Later they meet some other vampires, and have interpersonal problems with them. At the end Louis is angry with Daniel for not getting the point, but maybe neither did I.

To some degree the problems of the movie are the problems of the book, but on the page they're basically forgivable for various reasons. I'm probably not going to refresh my memory, but as I recall Anne Rise has a way of really drawing you into her world, which is so literally-sensational that it makes up for her boy-crazy humorlessness. Everybody basically has one characteristic, outlined above, but the visceral pleasure of the prose takes over--and to be totally fair, it was novel at the time. It was the vampire story we had all been waiting to hear. (Ok, so the book is from 1978 but it still felt fresh in 1994) But when you port all that to the screen and leave the telling to these actors who are almost universally miscast, it all just lies there, dead.

I thought my hesitation about rewatching this was related to my petty aversion to Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise specifically. I really don't enjoy either of them in general, and I also felt like they were profoundly wrong for the roles; neither of them could be less goth, less tortured, less otherworldly. It feels criminal to fill these classic queer outsider roles with alpha males who seem like they would have beaten up your weird gay friends in high school, and their performances are not remotely good enough to make up for this impression. Kirsten Dunst is perfectly awful but like...you just can't have a 12 year old playing a person who is any older than 12. It cannot work. It's not her fault, it's just a bad idea.

The only guy who is any good at all in this is Stephen Rea, a staple of director Neil Jordan's films, who I almost didn't even recognize because his Santiago is so uncanny and dynamic and fun despite having very little to do. I love the way his look references LONDON AFTER MIDNIGHT, it made me wonder how much more could have been done by subtly comparing Rice's vampires with their cultural predecessors. Rea lights up every scene he's in because he's so mischievous and unpredictable, and he's also almost the only person with any standout stunts--which helps me segue into the other main gripe I had with this movie, that it is incredibly stiff and static. It's like a prison. Everyone is totally weighed down by their giant ridiculous wigs and seven layer costumes, so even though the movie is supposed to be all sensual and shit, it's like nobody can even move.

Dealing with INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE is making me realize that I'm not quite sure what I think about Neil Jordan. I have this kneejerk reaction that he is Great because THE CRYING GAME is such an institution, and MONA LISA is real good too, but I might have found all of his other movies kind of humorless and stiff and like, beautiful but not altogether meaningful. I really struggle with THE COMPANY OF WOLVES because of its terrific FX and handful of fun scenes, but there is something about it that fails to connect with me. Sometimes it's overly pretentious, I mean paralleling a maiden's coming of age with the blood on the white roses is like...pretty gross, dude. But overall there is something about it that just lacks substance, despite its relentless and oppressive Symbolism. It seems like this problem should have been smoothed out for INTERVIEW since it was shot from Anne Rice's own script, but according to me, it really does not work out.

[sammyluvr]

(Do Not get tipsy and think about sam it will ruin ur life)

Thinking about a young sam shoving a tattered motel room bible into his bag after a particularly bad case. Thinking about him running his hands over the cover to self sooth after a huge fight or after helping tend to John and Dean's wounds from a hunt. he has no reason to have faith after what he's seen, but it helps other people right? So he thinks maybe it could help him too.

thinking about a stanford sam who runs his fingers over the time-worn leather spine while he studies. A Stanford sam who tries to stay out of his old life, but who occasionally reads the news and mutters to saint hubert for dean's sake.

Thinking about show cannon sam who tells dean he "prays every day" and "has for a long time." The same sam who feels so honored to meet an angel in s4.

We see Sam say some type of prayer 10 times throughout the series (and once off screen in 8x23) the sam winchester, one true vessel for lucifer, who prays to castiel and Jack and god (who he's not even sure is out there) for help

thinking about a late seasons sam who's spent his life fighting angels, demons, devils, and gods. who helped defeat god and who's adopted son took that god's place. thinking about sam sitting at his desk and taking his old bible out of the drawer, examining the frayed yellowed pages, feeling every scuff and ridge the cover has to offer, and no longer being burdened to face its contents.

I like to think of a sam who holds it and no longer sees a symbol of doomed fate, but a symbol of all he has overcome. A sam who puts in back in the drawer and shuts it in, because with the life and family he has around him, he doesn't think he really needs it anymore

OH GOD. OH GOD OH GODDDDDDDD . making out with your brain right now.... oh god T_T this hurt. this really hurt man :,) in the best way ever actually

it was so fascinating to read this coming from a christian background/religious trauma. like my reaction was so visceral, this is a personal anecdote but i didn't want to like it because of the concept of using the bible for comfort. but wowowow i'm obsessed because UGH i can't.... the way that sam interacts with christianity is just fascinating, it comes from a place of guilt and a desperation to be clean and pure, rather than blind faith or blind belief in god/whatever it is about the way that some people interact with christianity that bothers me LOL

god... him praying to saint hubert for dean's sake is a detail that is SO IMPORTANT TO MEEEE

and the way you ended it T_T is so very perfect to me, it felt like the perfect closure actually. the bible as a symbol of everything he's overcome... goosebumps, seriously. that's everything to me. god i wish i had and intelligent response to this lmao but you said it all perfectly. i love your brain so much wowowowow <3

i feel like he has this desperation to be good, but he feels like he isn't, and that it's his fault. for him to "no longer being burdened to face its contents" or feel like he doesn't need it anymore :(( that feels so hopeful to me i guess, that he now knows, years later, that the things that made him "unclean" or "not good" weren't his fault. that he tried and that makes a difference. that cleanliness and purity and perfection are not parts of the condition of being. it matters that he's trying.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 16 – DARK FIC

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: Kiyaar

It's incredible just how much suffering Kiyaar can pack into a single fic. Their writing is so raw and visceral that it almost evokes a physical reaction in me, it pulls me in every time. Whenever I need my fix of whump and heartbreak, I head straight to their AO3, because their fics are amazing.

Here's some of their work that I think you should check out:

Take My Body Home

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 11,444 Tags: Rape, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Superior Iron Man

Summary: After the events of Superior Iron Man, Tony sells Extremis to the highest bidder and finds himself living as an expatriate in Russia. Steve's never been good at letting go.

Reasons why I love it: Oh my fucking god, that ending?? My heart is crushed, holy shit. So many lines get crossed, there's so much agony, not just physical but emotional, and it kept my eyes glued to my screen the entire time. This fic HURTS, and if you can handle it, I highly recommend it!

5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 2,410 Tags: Major Character Death, Survivor's Guilt, Body Horror

Summary: In another world, on another Earth, the Superhuman Civil War has a darker, bloodier end.

Reasons why I love it: I've always been fascinated by the Civil Warrior, and this take on his story just breaks my heart. That scene after he first uses the reality gem - chills. I love those last few paragraphs more than I can say. This fic is amazing, and I hope you check it out for yourself!

Rusted Wheel, or How the Civil War Might Have Ended

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 3,183 Tags: Major Character Death, Canon Divergence, Civil War

Summary: Tony was on the steps of the Courthouse and took the bullets for Steve.

Reasons why I love it: Urgh, I cry. As if the Courthouse Steps weren't already angsty enough, this just wrecked me all over again. I always love role reversal what ifs, and this one is really good. Grab some tissues and give this one a go, it's amazing!

Our Love Is a Ghost That the Others Can't See

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 11,726 Tags: Extremis, Depression, Hallucinations

Summary: Post-Civil War, canon-divergent from Director of SHIELD. In Tony’s dreams, he is back in the street, in a crater, the city on fire around him. Steve kneels over him and beats him to within an inch of his life. It’s his favorite place to be, these days.

Reasons why I love it: Jesus Christ, this fic is P-A-I-N-F-U-L. If you like to suffer, this is definitely the one for you. I loved every second of it - the Tony whump, his hallucinations, that ending - it's all brilliant. If you can handle some graphic violence and heart-shattering angst, then definitely give this one a shot!

Accretion

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 8,840 Tags: Rape, Torture, Captivity

Summary: No one is coming, he thinks. Tony is busy, and even if he wasn't - Steve has been discarded. He never ranked first, did he. He doesn't know what he was to Tony beyond convenient. Tony is out there dealing with this, somewhere, on the edge of his own mountain, using one of his wondrous and terrible inventions, shaving off another piece of his soul. He wonders how many incursions this is. If Tony lies to himself to get through the day. If he loses sleep at night about it. No, he decides.

Reasons why I love it: Pain. I am in pain. This fic perfectly encapsulates all the complexities of Steve and Tony's relationship, all the betrayal and hurt hanging over their heads. Everything about this fic just breaks my heart in the best possible way. Definitely give this one a read, it's amazing!

[wildflowerteas]

we finally got elli booksandpaperss to start tsp and it took them literally 4 hours to read chapter 1 (cause we went off on a multitude of unrelated tangents frequently) BUT HERE ARE THEIR REACTIONS

ELLI BOOKSANDPAPERSS HI HELLO IM SOOOO SORRY FOR WHAT THEY'VE BEEN PUTTING YOU THROUGH

ooohhhhh the nostalgia. i was talking 2 a friend the other day about this, but reading the first chapter of TSP in my google doc makes me soo so nostalgic. things were just so much simpler then 😭 Mark calling Atsushi 'Tiger,' Akutagawa being, well . . . Akutagawa. On that note, I always get so nervous about sskk's dynamic here, because they don't have the whole 'rival organizations' thing going on, and once that's taken away they're actually quite compatible, friendly, and in-tune with one another ( see: BEAST ) but it's just a leap away from Canon that i feel sick every time i think about how it'll be received.

POOR ELLI 😭 I forgot just how much happens in the pilot chapter. It's almost 13k words, but that fact never seems to stick in my brain.

WHO IS HANA. MORE PEOPLE?

OOhhhghhghhhh dazai's absence being physical. Only to Fukuzawa, though ( I actually haven't shown much of how Kunikida and Sasaki and Tanizaki are dealing with him being gone in the present ), but that's because Fukuzawa saw Dazai less as a subordinate and more as a ward. The empty physical space ( his desk ) is also filled by Akutagawa, who doesn't even know he's sitting where Dazai did twenty years ago.

THE CONSES ARE QUENCING. Stealing that!!!!!!

This is why the atsushi art was getting rb'd . . . man i don't even blame you guys. i don't have access to Clip Studio paint right now ( because I'm abroad without a subscription on my tablet nad away from my wacom u_u ). but when i get back, and when I'm settled in Australia for next semester, there WILL be more of him!!!! provided the burn out of finishing the fic by then doesn't absolutely kill me.

oh GOD i have to update that reference post. It's not up to date at all.

Nyxi . . . (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )<3

phew this was wild. I'm so glad Elli is enjoying it so far ( also I'm having a very visceral reaction to all of your messages back--if i could reach through the screen and cover your mouths to silence you i would. no spoilers!!!!!!!!! spare Elli please!!!!!!! )

[aheathen-conceivably]

not part of the ask game but have you ever had a sim you created you really hated or disliked? i appreciate how you make all your characters complex, but has there ever been one you couldnt stand?

on that note, has there ever been a character you dreaded progressing their story, for one reason or another?

NONNY! You are an absolute legend for such in-depth questions. I know it has been over a month since you sent this but come on over and get your cute cat love…

Lemme just say what a high compliment that first part is for me. I really go out of my way to make characters both likeable and unlikeable in some way (although I admit I’m more successful with some over others), so to hear you say that touches my heart! Judging from the comments, the closest we have to a “villain” or an unlikeable character right now is probably Giorgio, and y’all already know I love him with every fiber of my being. Moving forward we might get some more villainous types (👀), but for now there has never been a main character I’ve disliked.

Forever and always through I’ll hate the King of Rex that racist pos, but he got basically no screen time and I prefer to pretend I do not see him (even if yes he is the only character in the story I truly cannot stand).

Now your second question, oh man that’s a good one. Yes, a thousand times yes, for so many reasons. I definitely get this really visceral emotional reaction whenever a character is about to age up. I just get so attached to them in that stage of their lives that I dread progressing them to the next, even though in reality I’m actually very excited to do so

But i think the most “obvious” one is when progressing a character’s story involves the death of another. This was especially true for Florence, because progressing there not only meant leaving England behind, it also kicked off the rest of 1929, which was ~emotional~ to say the least. Generally, however, I know that every tragic moment has an effect on the story and the characters, and while it hurts, it’s part of a larger tapestry to get where we’re going. So I usually have dread to progress to a point I know is going to be difficult to shoot (like Antoine in the club), but have enough vision on the future that pushes me through it.

However, I actually think this is one of the reasons I’ve been in a story slump for a while. I wrote an arc that was too sad for me (and y’all know that’s a high bar), so I had gotten to the point where I dreaded going any further with the story and having to go through with it. Luckily, I can steer the ship to slightly less depressing waters, so we’re back on track, and I’m once again excited to progress everyone’s storylines once again 😉

[inspector-constable]

My thoughts on Barbenheimer, since these movies are now inextricably linked in my mind forever and I liked both of them more than I thought I would:

Barbie

I had a lot of thoughts on feminism, patriarchy, capitalism, and all that jazz after watching this one, but smarter people have already dissected that better than I could.

What I will say is I was hysterically laughing at almost every moment to the point where my face and abs hurt. Every time Will Farrell's gaggle of incompetent suited executive officers were on screen I just couldn't hold the giggles in. Helen Mirren's narration reminded me SO MUCH of God in Good Omens in a way that really got to me. There were parts where nobody else in the theater was laughing, but my partner and I were fighting to keep our guffaws down because the humor was just so, so on point for us. "SUBLIME."

My partner is a cis white male, and after reading the opinions of others of his kind, I am reminded once again how fucking lucky I am that he turned out to be a good one. He liked the movie even more than I did and it really resonated with him.

I wished the movie had delved a tiny bit more into how the patriarchy fucks men up too, and not just queer or neurodivergent or different men like Allan, ALL men are shoved into a box and punished for stepping out of line under the patriarchy. And I wish Allan had more screentime.

Generally I felt the movie was a bit heavy handed with its morals. Of course I completely agree with what it had to say and I don't mean to tone police. But because of my background and religious trauma I am just acutely and unfortunately aware of the kind of visceral reaction certain people will have to the way Barbie presents its themes. This was a movie that speaks to people who already agree with its central ideas. But if the writers/producers actually wanted to make anti-feminists think critically about their position, I think the message was a bit too hamfisted or condescending to accomplish that.

However I'm aware that even my thinking about this point is largely because of my anxiety and religious trauma and I am really tired of running films through a filter of "What would my dad say if he watched this movie?" I'll stop there before this becomes an entire therapy sesh

All that being said, I laughed, I cried, I spilled water on myself, I loved seeing all the pink clothes. Every actor was hysterical and beautiful. I love that movies can be bright and colorful and whimsical again. I gave the movie a 9/10.

Oppenheimer

What a shock to move on to this movie. To be honest, I am not a fan of war movies in general and I didn't know why people were so excited about this one. We probably wouldn't have gone if our friends didn't want to do the double feature.

At first, I was irritated. After coming from Barbie, having a movie totally populated by old cis white men felt annoying. There were almost no important female characters at the beginning. I noticed how Florence Pugh's character was basically just a sex object - yes she had interesting opinions, but it seemed like she was naked and riding a dick for half her scenes. Why was she naked but Cillian Murphy was fully clothed for their first sex scene? The whole movie seemed focused on a male gaze and a male perspective, par for the course for a war movie.

When Emily Blunt's character said "Can you explain quantum physics to me? It seems awfully complex." All I could think was "Can you play guitar at me?" Dead.

BUT.

As the movie went on I started to realize how well it fit with the themes Barbie focused on, but from another side. This movie is full of old cis white men, yes. They are the patriarchy, the literal men in power.

Oppenheimer actually did an incredible job examining exactly what I was left contemplating after I left Barbie - how the patriarchy destroys everyone, even the men who it benefits the most.

What a perfect example of how the competitive, egotistical, compassion-less, violent nature of toxic masculinity hurts everyone who participates in it while claiming innocent victims. The patriarchy built a weapon of mass destruction, refused to listen to calls for discretion, and murdered hundreds of thousands of civilians. And then the men, just like the Kens, began to feel their egos being threatened and they fought and backstabbed each other into obliteration.

So in the end it ended up being a marvelous commentary on similar social and political issues just like Barbie, while also being a strong anti-war movie (as Steven Spielberg would say every war movie is.) It was beautifully shot and the performances were incredible. The use of color and sound was perfect and the Trinity bomb scene (and the gym scene after) was one of the most impactful things I have ever seen. I felt like my brain was buzzing and my jaw was open for most of the movie.

However, I don't think Oppenheimer passed the Bechdel test and I was pretty bummed at the lack of female characters although Kitty's questioning scene was the most badass part of the whole movie. It was too long, too many names to remember, the timelines were confusing, and everything after the bomb test seemed to be boring political dialogue that I barely stayed awake for.

I gave it an 8/10.

[oldmanpuppyplay]

movie buff questions - #60, #7, #56? :D

60. Most visually stunning movie you’ve seen?

This is such a normie pick for filmblr but The Fall by Tarsem Singh. It's popular for a reason. The vistas are gorgeous, the costumes are next level - it played a huge role in the development of my love of film and I doubt I'd be this autistic about movies without it.

(honorable mention to The Evil Dead because as my boyfriend reminded me, my reaction to claymation oatmeal gore was extremely visceral and in fact, stunned. So under the law of the letter that one got me)

7. Ever been/are you such a hardcore fan of an actor actress you watched/will watch any movie they were/will be in?

I do this all the time but most notably David Haydn-Jones (ketch from spn) there's just something about the way he plays sad eyed single dads in Hallmark Christmas movies that I find so enriching.

Other examples: Grace Jones, Madeline Kahn, Paul Robeson, Gene Wilder, Toshiro Mifune, Geena Davis, Paul Newman, Keith David, Carey Grant, James Spader, Tom "Tiny" Lister Jr., Peter Stormare, Vincent Schiavelli - pretty much any beloved character actor I will watch movies for their 30 second of screen time in them.

56. Movie you completely nerd-out over every time it’s mentioned?

Wolf girl this stupid ass made for tv movie from 2001 that no one but me and the people I drag kicking and screaming into with me have seen 😭 BUT LISTEN it's on Tubi right now and everyone should consider watching it with the caveats of it is about a freak show so if you've got triggers that might be affected by the themes that you'd find in a story about a freak show tred with caution.

[claygoestothemovies]

⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Eggers brothers’ THE FRONT ROOM is a hot mess of a film, but it’s a helluva lot of fun.

The film follows Belinda (Brandy Norwood), a very pregnant anthropology professor, who allows her overworked husband’s (Andrew Burnap) estranged stepmother (a devilish Kathryn Hunter) to move in - against his better judgment- after the death of his father. What ensues is a hilarious and often disgusting battle of wills between the two matriarchs. Unfortunately, it’s also bogged down with a lot of unnecessary details and plot points that ultimately come to nothing.

On the bright side, the performances are very fun to watch! Brandy is always magnetic onscreen, and the relatability of her situation makes you want to scream if you think even for a second about what you would do in her shoes. Kathryn Hunter’s Solange is a hoot, and she’s clearly having the time of her life in the role of a mother in law from hell. Burnap is mostly just there to look pretty and is relegated to the stereotypical spouse role usually reserved for women, which, while refreshing, still had me wishing he was just a bit more fleshed out.

While I don’t think the Egger brothers were even remotely the right fit for this type of material, some stuff in here is quite effective. The film is extremely gross (complimentary), and the people in my screening were having very visceral reactions to the bodily fluids we were “treated” to at every turn. It was enough for me to call my partner as I was walking to my car and make him promise me that, no matter what, our parents were never allowed to move in.

While I did have a marvelous time with this, the flaws in the script (also by the brothers Eggers) are too much for me to recommend THE FRONT ROOM in good conscience. I only gave this the rating I did based on the fun factor alone, and it *is* fun; I cackled loudly a great deal during the blessedly brief runtime. I suppose I’ll just have to continue dreaming about a time when studios will let a female POC tell a story like this. I guarantee it would have been a much better film.

3/5

[denimbex1986]

'A few weeks after I saw All Of Us Strangers, I bumped into someone who was set to review it, but hadn’t yet seen the film. They asked what I thought.

I’d deliberately left some time to reflect on the movie before I wrote about it, for reasons I’ll come to, but even in conversation, I couldn’t give them a good answer.

I made some joke about wanting to buy better stationery to write about the film with, about how I wanted to improve myself to meet the movie itself. But I couldn’t explain why.

As you’re about to discover, I’m still not sure I can.

In truth, I spent some of the time after watching the film considering whether I’m good enough to write about it, I explained to the person. That’s not a moment of self-deprecation particularly, but a genuine thought that had crossed my mind: what do you do when you don’t feel that you don’t have the words and the skill to measure up to what you’ve just seen?

The screening I attended of the film – I’ll get to the movie specifically in a second – had shaken me.

Around half an hour into the film, someone sat a few rows in front of me started uncontrollably sobbing. After a few minutes, they had to get up to leave, their emotions at a point where they seemed to be completely overwhelmed.

I saw them again on the way out. They were still crying. It sounds like a made-up detail, but their eyes were shot red, the side of their face drenched in tears. I don’t know their story and I don’t know the person. From what I saw, there was something nestling in All Of Us Strangers that absolutely caught them.

A few days later I caught up with a friend of mine who’d been at a screening just afterwards. Their response was similar. They didn’t leave the screen, but what they were watching was searing deep into them.

I didn’t have that initial visceral reaction to the film. My response to it was strong, and I didn’t leave my seat until the credits had longed rolled. But I simply didn’t have the tools to adequately respond to it in the days after. Ordinarily, when I’m writing a film review, I try and leave it a day or two to let the movie in question sit in my thoughts. Not every film needs it, of course. But in the case of All Of Us Strangers, I kept coming back to this piece and having to close the document. In the end, I watched it two months before I’m writing about it now. I can’t tell you everything that happened on the screen, but I can absolutely tell you how it’s made me feel.

The details are going to be light, though. Far lighter than usual. It’s a loose adaptation of a 1987 Japanese novel by Taichi Yamada, the second time that particular story has been turned into a film. Writer/director Andrew Haigh has stripped the ghost story out of the novel, and focused instead on another aspect of it, that – again – I’ll not go into the detail of. He’s put at the heart of the film a burgeoning romance between Paul Mescal’s Harry and Andrew Scott’s Adam, which in turn opens up, well, a lot more.

I know it’s not difficult to find out where the film goes and what then happens. It’s odd, though. I feel a responsibility to at least give you what I had: a clean, unspoilt viewing of the film. Had I known more, I may have written a more conventional response. But I didn’t know more, and here I find myself.

My own circumstance? I’ve written a few times before that I try to approach films having not seen a trailer now. In the case of All Of Us Strangers, I sat down simply knowing I liked the actors a lot, and that Andrew Haigh is an outstanding British filmmaking talent.

The problem with writing about films such as these, though, is if critical voices go head over heels, it tends to sometimes inspire an opposite reaction. That a film is dismissed as pretentious, or the kind of film that critics like and broader audiences don’t. And I do think that if you don’t connect with the themes of All Of Us Strangers, you may have a ‘staring at the screen, wondering what that was all about’ moment.

It doesn’t help that I’ve painted a picture of an emotional film. It’s not that being emotional is a bad thing, yet what I was struck by here was how unforced it was. I like, for instance, the 1999 movie The Green Mile. Yet when I was watching that particular picture, I was conscious I was being funneled to a point where I was expected to cry at the end.

All Of Us Strangers isn’t like that. I can’t speak for Andrew Haigh, but I don’t get the impression he’s got a determined response he’s expecting. The old cliché is that it’s an audience that completes a film, that what you bring to it will influence what you take away.

I’ve got to round this up.

Maybe I’ll allow myself a moment of reviewer cliché and hyberbole at the end, if you don’t mind. This film has sat with me for months, and I get goosebumps sitting thinking about it. The most perfect ending too, I should note, and the pictures and sound are wrapped up in well under two hours.

But as I sit here, knowing I have to end this, I know I can’t possibly measure up to what I’ve seen and how it’s affected me. I think films like these come along a couple of times a decade if we’re lucky: it’s not a film of the year conversation, it’s a lot more than that. There’s that bit of hyperbole for you.

I am not sure why and how All Of Us Strangers exists, and how it’s come together quite so sensationally. But it does, it has. And even if I’m the wrong person to tell you this, it’s an astounding example of prime cinema. Just read someone else’s review to find out why.

*****'