#i have a real beef with 'we used to be immortal and that was good and pure' stories tbh

[tritoch]

i'm such a fake bitch because i'm like "it's okay to like problematic characters (◡‿◡✿) it is also okay to dislike them (..◜ᴗ◝..) your opinions on fictional characters do not reflect anything about you as a person" and then someone will say something mildly critical of venat finalfantasy and it's like hm. i may have been lying earlier.

[rainswept]

idk how baizhu overtook lyney’s place bc he mad ugly 😒😒 (i have the biggest beef w baizhu and i prayed on his downfall even before his release)

idk who you’re talking about in the first part but like.. on the topic of baizhu:

it’s not really about his looks, more about his story and his nature. i admire his determination and dedication, even in the face of something that is damn near impossible — he says he wants to gain immortality because if he does not, either changsheng will die (without a contract holder), or those in the future taking baizhu’s place will continue to suffer and die early instead. despite having already been weak before he met changsheng, he continues to use her abilities to drain himself of health to help others. i honestly admire him and real people like him for that.

he’s also quite relatable to me, seeing as i deal with similar issues as he does. obviously they’re not.. as bad, not all of my organs are diseased (😭), but i still have my days i struggle to leave my bed and spend most of my life in pain.

i was reading his character story 5 the other day and i was like damn. it made me genuinely sad knowing his death is most likely imminent. partly because i love him, partly because he was so relatable to me. not that i’m worried about my own death, i haven’t been for a long time now, but that there are a lot of people out there going through similar issues that can tell or know they will die before they should and can’t do a thing about it. also the fact that, while he likely won’t die in game, we basically know he will far sooner than anyone else. it’s just. ugh. and just that desperation for immortality, something so unattainable, a cure, to save himself and changsheng and countless others now and in the future. it’s just.. it’s so bittersweet to me. it’s doomed, probably. it upset me as i was reading it, and that’s how i know a character’s lore is good smh. idk how to put all my feelings about him into words because it’s all very personal, so i’m sorry if this is incoherent 😭

also he’s also relatable in other ways. e.g. he is germ conscious !! look at him go he’s so cool!! i’d actually be able to hang out w/ him without dying

also he ^ is so me fr.

anyway no baizhu hate in my inbox 🙄🙄🙄 this is a baizhu loving blog. joking u can hate on him in asks if you want but i will make long ass arguments like this every time

[lennjamin-o7]

🌯🗡️ back just to quickly say with the “I think you might need to be wary of the "accidentally" in that sentence.”

Phil: (maybe) deliberately delays the trip so that when techno comes to the manor, his parents might be mad at him and present an opportunity for him to drive a wedge between them so he can get more trust / use it as a “well they were dicks so really I’m saving you” excuse before adopting tech

Phil: “This will work out perfectly and techno probably won’t even realise what I’ve done until too late!”

Techno: gets scratched on the cheek pretty badly, gets his hair shaved off and then gets locked in his room ignored and alone just to top it all off.

Phil: 👁️👁️

Phil: “I may have miscalculated just a tiny bit. Slightly bigger wedge than I was expecting but I’m used to improvising at this point”

The real magic behind this royal family is the way they’re constantly able to fuck up literally ANY plan Phil has with them. Purely just a “oh you think you’re bad?? Watch this!” And then they just accidentally neglect their son.

The royal family: “We have 2 perfect children. It’s not really our fault when we compare the normal one to them and punish him harshly because if it!”

Phil: “You’ve fucked up a perfectly good sonboy is what you did! Look at him. Now he has self worth issues ON TOP of anxiety!”

That and just:

Phil, finally coming face to face to renegotiate the deal: “You’re not leaving until I get my son.”

The royals: “Don’t you mean daughter??”

Phil: “I know what I said”

Or:

The king and queen: “We want nothing more than to have our children happy and safe which is why we’re going to the queen of fae to negate this deal”

Techno: Would genuinely intimately be happier and safer if he was adopted by Phil and Kristin. He gets to experience everything they deprived him of ON TOP of becoming immortal and having 2 of the most powerful fae in existence willing to go to battle for him in a HEARTBEAT

The king and queen: “No not like that-“

As well as:

The king and queen: “Wow we’re such good parents!”

Phil: Provides a better parenting experience in a single evening than they did in their entire lives of having 3 children

Phil: Steals the one child they never truly appreciated and gives him the best life POSSIBLE to make up for all that he missed and went through

Phil: “And I’d do it again BITCH”

I genuinely just adore the thought of Phil having just CONSTANT beef with them, like it’s not even about the deal anymore he’s just mad at them over their parenting skills. Just doing ANYTHING he can to fuckin upstage them, bro has beef with them down to the BONE with how mad he is.

Phil: Deliberately has Kristin make winter colder just so the king and queen like have problems heating the castle and their kingdom struggles

The king and queen: “Damn it’s fuckin way too cold this year”

Phil: “And that’s what you deserve! I fuckin PRAY you freeze”

Techno: Shivers slightly

Phil: “Oh my baby, my poor sonboy. Do you want some enchanted blankets to keep you warm? What about some Totally Not Magical stew to make you extra toasty?? Maybe even a heating enchantment on that earring???”

Bro will forever be their BIGGEST hater. He wakes up every day and tries spread as many bad vibes onto them as possible. He literally worked out a way to magically make sure both sides of their pillows would be warm. That’s the level of hating he’s been on.

Or that meme with I receive vs you receive:

Phil: “Here’s the deal, I receive a perfect sonboy who I can dote on and adore with my wonderful wife for the rest of forever”

Phil: “You receive me not obliterating your entire bloodline and taking the kid anyway”

The king and queen: “I can’t help but feel this real might be a little bit uneven”

Techno: “Do I get a say in this like at all??”

Phil: “No ❤️”

That 1 sentence just spurred on so much brainrot for me I couldn’t help but share! My brain created like 50 different pathways just to brainrot and come up with more scenarios. I’m like going back and checking for spelling mistakes and I’m literally only just realising now how much I’ve written lmao

As always, have a nice day and I’m sorry if I’ve overwhelmed!

Phil. Maybe not the King of the Fae, but certainly the King of Improv. He is an opportunist. They opportuniest of opportunists. He is 'Yes, and?'ing this adoption.

Techno is just a little guy. A little guy with a big heart. He needs some attention. Some love. That shouldn't be too much to ask. And yet-

And Yet-

Enchanted blankets, you say?

But Yeah, Philza is not happy about the state of the sonboy. He should have been better taken care of. Don't worry. :) He's got this covered :)

Bro, sorry it took me so long to respond. But I adore every SYLLABLE of all of your brainrots. Literally. Never apologize. I am so glad you sent them. <3 <3 <3 <3

[tokyopewpew]

Veilguard Breakdown Pt 2

Going deeper into each companion, their quests. Factions, Cameos, and some writing stuff. SPOILERS ABOUND, read at your own risk.

These are still mostly chronological notes reacting real time to quests and characters:

I had some HOT opinions on some early game stuff. Solas' comment on abhorring blood magic, some comments on the elves and how the Veil Jumpers were so on board with denouncing their gods. My finger shot up to "well actually" very quickly but I kept playing and they addressed them. They clarify like a little later and I think that's something I and a lot of other people have gotten bad at: being patient with writing.

Now don't get me wrong, there is a lot of bad writing out there that won't address stuff that is important.

But we gotta trust sometimes that we won't get a wall of exposition right away. That we'll get a line that makes us go, huh that's interesting I want to know more about that. And wait five minutes to naturally come back to it.

AAAAAAAA INKY SHOWS UP! Pretty early! Happy to see them so soon!

BACK AND SO COOL I LOVE THE DIALOGUE BEING A LEADER BEING A HERO

BITCH SHES GETTING DRAWN AS THE GENERAL SHE IS!! SAVING SOUTHERN THEDAS. (I did not disband the Inquisition. I had a Solavellan inquisitor which by the end of Inquisition is fucking beat down into playing the role of The Herald, which I like as a mirror of Solas and his mask of Fen'Harel.)

Damn Solas being a catty sexy sassy bitch saying he tortured a bitch with rumors and laughter. Note from later: THE FUCKING ROLLERCOASTER THEY ROCK YOU ON

everyone is def less bitchy than previous games and not dealing with as much overt racism. Not having a base in “the real world” removes some of that. But despite taking place in cities, not seeing alienages or acknowledging that makes it super different. I’m sure it’s something people will criticize but im ok with Thedas being Nicer™️. Companions are less bitchy but there is tension and conflict but it is like. communicated and resolved super easily. Which i know it’s maybe fun for Alistar and Morrigan to fight and argue but you have to have a character like Morrigan to do that. There aren’t really any catty bitches on the squad. This is a group of professionals hired on a job. They all feel more like coworkers than a found family. Like DA:2 as a group gave me anxiety they would shit on each other so much like you guys should not be friends.

Don’t know what the beef people have with the dialogue. It all works fine for me.

Taash’s gender stuff is a little fast. Baby’s first gender story but it’s still good. They are appealing to wide audience. Still nice to see. I love Maddie’s Mini on tiktok’s comment that like the qun’s gender roles are so progressive they wrap back around to being conservative. Men and women have distinct roles and they WILL trans your gender to fit them. So Taash being non-binary is like the one way to be difficult for her mom to understand about gender.

Solas was a spirit! Imean they all were. with lyrium bodies?? ok guess that’s why y’all are immortal. ugh i love all that implies. He hates having a physical form but learning to love all the sensations that come with it. The body is joy but also horror. The miseries too but food, touch, smell.

omg so cute when harding moved a rock she shakes her hands in the air like woo i did it!

wow took awhile to remember to write notes (I played like 15 hours forgetting to do any notes)

Interesting mix of companion quests! Funny I did the Formless One dragon first so now every subsequent dragon fight has been a breeze.

Harding’s personal quest was an easy choice: push for compassion. She’s so nice. Bellara’s final choice felt disconnected from her “omg it’s my BROTHER” lines. and Neve I didn’t really have a say because i didn’t help Minrathous. I think i got her to be a defender of Dock Town?

Taash and Emmerich’s both are the best, most emotional and RP wise, hardest choices. while I didn’t give a fuck about these side boss characters, Taash’s emotional end with her mom was very impactful. Hezzenkoss’ giant skeleton was super cool visually and MANFREED. I chose to revive him because idk. I think when we’re fighting against immortal gods it’s hard to be like yea do that too Emmerich. But it’s still sad and either way he’s having to confront loss and mortality?? So either way is bittersweet which is GOOD WRITING. Cannot believe people choose lich romanced Emmerich.

Davrin’s quest was very satisfying too! It also felt like an easy choice to have the griffons start a new legacy since that is nice symmetry to his own storyline.

loved getting to run around Villa Delamorte locked in with a romance to Lucanis like wait a second this is… your house? This. Is your house. YOUR house. ok ok ok like fuck i’m a backwoods elf treasure hunter wtf and having to meet Catarina again but now as like. Her favorite grandson’s romantic partner. Neither choice for his felt particularly impactful. Maybe if they killed Illario and not just imprisoned him? I think i picked his based on armor tbh. The only one I did that for.

Yay to my inquisitor and rook having a drink together! I do love my Lavellan but Rook is like girl, stand up. Oh my god. (But internally, oh my god I love the dialogue ugh)

Very tame romance scenes (I took this back by the end. I appreciate the ramping up in the final fight and Lucanis only being able to get some comfortable sleep with her there is… oh so good. They have such an interesting dynamic. Babysitting Spite. Will write more in fanfic to explore it). Their lead up was very unromantic.

THANK GOD NO HARD TIME WITH THE GRIFFONS!!! They survive without blight!! Kind of a stupid choice tbh why not have them both get some gryphies? In the forest and the wardens? also rip but i’m hoping the wardens won’t be around much longer

[khaleesiofalicante]

“You’ve been alive for a long time, right?”

Magnus stopped stirring his coffee and turned around. “Is that a stab at my age?”

“Nope,” Alec replied. “I have a history doubt.”

“Oh!” Magnus said and settled down next to the shadowhunter on the couch. “Do tell.”

Alec chuckled.

Magnus frowned. “What?”

“You got a little excited,” Alec pointed out, chuckling again. “It was cute.”

Magnus rolled his eyes fondly. “What do you want to know? I promise to be unbiased. Unless your question is about Napoleon or Paul Newman. I had beef with both of them.”

Alec smiled. “So. We’ve been to hell.”

“Hm-hm,” Magnus sipped on his coffee. “Who hasn’t, Alexander?”

Alec grinned and shook his head. “Is there a heaven?”

Magnus choked on his coffee a little. “We’re directly diving into the deep questions, are we?”

“I’m just curious. We know there is hell. Multiple hells, in fact. So, like, what about heaven?” Alec asked. “Where does Raziel live?”

“Probably in Los Angeles,” Magnus replied. “He looks like the type.”

“Seriously,” Alec nudged his leg. “Heaven? Does it exist? What’s it like?”

Magnus took a deep breath and put down his mug. “From what I know, no one has really gone there, or at least come back, to tell the tale.”

“Shame,” Alec sighed. “I just thought it might be real. Hell is pretty much like we imagined it to be.”

“Heaven is probably the same,” Magnus shrugged. 

“Angels and golden gates and harps?” Alec asked with a grin.

“Hopefully, there is also WiFi,” Magnus noted seriously. 

Alec laughed. “You’ve never wondered what it’s like?”

“I used to,” Magnus admitted. “I spend a good portion of the 16th century trying to find it.”

“Did you?” Alec asked. 

“No such luck. So, I gave up,” Magnus replied. “I did end up in hell. Twice. I don’t know what that says about me.”

Alec pulled him closer. 

He held Magnus between his arms. 

Magnus wanted to spend his immortal life there. 

“It says that you are incredibly brave and stupidly reckless,” Alec whispered.

“Incredibly brave and stupidly reckless,” Magnus hummed. “Sounds like the nephilim motto.”

Alec pressed a kiss to his cheek and walked over to the bathroom. “You love us.”

“Keep your voice down!” Magnus yelled after him. 

The truth is, Magnus had always believed in heaven. 

The truth is, Magnus had never really given up on his quest to find it. 

And then...And then he had met Alec. 

Heaven made little sense after that. 

Heaven became the space between Alec Lightwood’s arms. 

@malectober

this was supposed to be about hell but it turned into something else lmao. writers y’all know what I'm talking about 😋

[fwooofy]

Can you bless us with some general Sasori HCs?

I'm sorry for how late this answer is, still not used to checking Tumblr - But thank you for the ask!!

Here are some of my Sasori HCs - It got a big longer than I anticipated, but I legit never shut up about Sasori lol

(Slaps the top of Hiruko) this bad boy can fit so much neurodivergence and trauma. Specifically I see him with ASD, he's somewhere on the spectrum, special interest is puppets. Sasori gives off narcissistic traits, he also has a big control issue. Things have to go this way, be done like this. Man also has routines, do not fuck with them. The shit Chiyou did to him as a child left its mark, its way more then just he hates waiting.

Human Sasori has freckles! (this one is self indulgent as a natural red head) Sasori had freckles, and its one detail he left off his puppet body. His puppet body is roughly the same size of his human form, if not a bit bulkier but its to fit tons of weapons and poisons inside himself. No one expects the short king to stab you in a vital point, it works to his advantage. If you look at Sasori and think he will be easy to take on because of his smaller stature, you've already fallen for his trap

Sasori left his village at 15, and we know he's 35 in the Anime. I personally hc him to be late teens, when we see his fight with Konan. And its somewhere in his 20's or so when he turned himself into a puppet. Oh how I wish we knew this process!!! But I like to HC that his human body is sealed away in a scroll somewhere in the back of his storage. It's roughly 17/18 in age, and probably incapacitated. If he transferred himself back into that body, he'd be weak and sick and would have to recover. The reasons he still has his human body is in the event he has to fix his puppet body and can't be in it- Ya never know (good rp material too)

During his rouge years, and when he was still human. Sasori was going on murder tours legit for 'Art Supplies' - Rouge Sasori is very different from the puppet man we know, he's free from his village, doing his art. Slaughtering villages along the way. I hc his mental health was at his lowest, and he /didn't care./ He was definitely on one, thank god Konan found him lol - Apathetic, uncaring, this is where he got his title Akasuna / Of the Red Sands

He gets along with some of the other Akatsuki members. I like to think Sasori and Kakuzu are actually decent friends/comrades. Both are one of the original Akatsuki members, along with Itachi. Both are old, some fashion of immortal, they both keep to themselves but when they cross paths they get along rather well, even if its for a short time. I'd say he also respects Itachi, but both are men a few words. No strong feelings.

Sasori actually does appreciate other forms of art, we see this in the hidden series where he and Deidara find someone who makes a specific kind of pottery, same when he fought Konan he brought up her jutsu being art. Knowing Sasori can look at other art forms, its telling about him and Deidara's fights. His opinions on Deidara's art is /personal/ - I feel like, Sasori was willing to say the sculptures themselves is art, but the second Deidara blows it up and makes that conflict with his personal art philosophies.... Is where the actual strife is. But he doesn't disregard Deidara's skill, just what he does in the end. But after so long of arguing over what /true art is/ it's now just personal beef. "Your art sucks, get a real hobby."

Sasori HATES Orochimaru. I honestly don't think these two were 'close' when Orochimaru was his partner. Honestly I think Sasori thought Orochimaru was off putting, their ideals of how to get immortality differ nor do I think Orochimaru would of cared for Sasori's art. I don't think there was any strong feelings, UNTIL Orochimaru left. Sasori suddenly was like, "FUCK THAT SNAKE FUCKER! He attacked one of our members and then went AWOL?!?!". Sasori was with Pein when Orochimaru was recruited, didn't want him to join in the first place - and I know Sasori just muttering under his breath like "I knew we never should of let him in, no one fucking listens to me. I should of killed him" - And because Oro left, they needed to find a new membber- So that means Sasori was than inconvenienced with having to find a new partner, and oooooooo he hates that snake SO MUCH.

His relationship with the Kazekage is always a fun thing to think about - and normally for me it gets into more ship / trauma related things. BUT without those themes, I think Sasori has strong, hate filled feelings for his country and its leaders. They /used/ him for this war, he was making puppets to kill. Chiyou's bullshit aside from fucking him up, this was something he grew to hate. We don't know how or when he took the Kazekage, we only know that it was hard and he left 0 trace, it's why the puppet is his favorite. With Sandaime taken, the sand spent all their recourses looking for him making them weak and easy to attack. This was part of Sasori's plan, one final fuck you to his village. As well as the bragging rights of legit stealing and now using 'The strongest kazekage known to the Sunagakure history' - I can only imagine his smug face and sense of superiority.

[isthatmanahimbo]

Today we have a shoutout to the villain apologist in all of us with Hidan!

Hidan is a mid-tier villain in the shounen animanga Naruto, first appearing in the manga during part II, and later being adapted for the Shippuuden anime in 2007. As a member of the Akatsuki, the main antagonist group for the first half of Shippuuden, he is presented as a major threat due to his status as an S-ranked missing nin, and indeed is the cause of the onscreen minor character death (something which happens fairly infrequently), leading to the culmination of a major character's individual arc.

Like many other members of the Akatsuki group, and indeed many of the overarcing antagonists throughout the series, Hidan touts one variation of immortality. Hidan's is a particularly interesting example in that it provides us with a rare glimpse at worldbuilding outside of the shinobi social structure, due to his heavy involvement with a religious group. And, indeed, where many other antagonists seek out a facsimile of everlasting life (and succeed to varying degrees), Hidan's case can be argued to be the only true, practical application of immortality as a narrative concept, which he attained through his religious practice.

Given that he and most of the cast are what are essentially professional athletes cum military forces, it's no surprise that Hidan is in peak physical condition, but Hidan's design takes it a step further and opts for his standard issue (generally shapeless and unflattering tbvh) Akatsuki cloak to be open from neck to navel, allowing the audience to get a better glimpse at what's going on. And while he is not as visibly stacked as a handful of other characters, Hidan still has a respectable amount of beef about him, being visibly thicker about the chest and arms even without the cloak than other characters in his age range. And given his fighting style, he's no stranger to battle damage even removing the modicum of modesty the cloak offers, often leaving at least one tit on full display. Cover them up, slut.

Now you would think that his status as a highly-ranked criminal in a world where intelligence gathering is paramount would say something about the inner workings of Hidan's keen mind, but it takes only a few words out of his mouth to disabuse you of the notion that there is more than one brain cell bouncing around in that head of his. His idea of a strategy is to run real fast at the problem shouting as loudly as he can – a real act-first kind of man who bristles and argues with even the slightest suggestion of any kind of tactical thinking. He doesn't need any high faluting tactics, he'll just use his Jashin-given gifts to headbutt his way through any problem presented to him. Jashin has really blessed this beautiful idiot.

Unfortunately, although we have got a good start going for us, Hidan variates heavily from the template and it only goes downhill from here. To begin, under no circumstances could one assume that Hidan is, or indeed ever was, a kind person. While the rest of the Akatsuki (with a couple of notable exceptions) have tragic and heartrending backstories to garner sympathy from the audience, we are told in no uncertain terms that Hidan was always a dick. Not merely a serial mass murderer, but genuinely a dick – when he graduated from his own village's ninja academy, the village began to lean heavily into tourism for its notorious hot springs. Rather than simply allow mom-and-pops to crop up and for tourists to enjoy the national landmarks, Hidan loudly said "Fuck that" and promptly joined a cult and wiped the village and all of its inhabitants off the map. Like, I know we've all been there, tourists can be annoying, but big yikes bro.

And if you were thinking that among the criminal organization Akatsuki, Hidan would have earned the respect of his peers for his ideals and his capabilities, well, this author has a surprise for you, as Hidan can only be described affectionately as a group punching bag. Even amongst a group of hardened criminals, they find Hidan's attitude to be grating and obnoxious, and when he is taken down by a protagonist we are given a glimpse of the remaining Akatsuki members mocking Hidan and his partner, an undercurrent of relief in their jokes about not having to deal any longer with the Zombie Combo. Hidan's got all the looks of a Chad, but it's a façade. A fachade, if you will.

Needless to say, it's three strikes and you're out, buddy. Rest in pieces, Hidan, you are not the himbo this fandom needs.

Total Himbo Score: 11

[razorblade180]

More Actor AU

The previous one <-

Ruby:Justice will be swift! Justice will be painful- *pie to the face* Ahhhh! Nora!

Nora:HAHAHAHAHA! I couldn’t resist!

xxxx

Yang:Do you think she thinks less of me?

Jaune:You and Ruby are sisters. You may fight but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care.

Yang:Yeah, Ruby...

Jaune:.....Wait are you talking about Blake?

Yang:*caught of guard* Uhhhhh

Jaune:Because why would she think less of you for choosing to act like a first responder?

.......

Ren:*outside* He has a point!

Director:Stick to the script!

xxxx

Raven:Does she have it?

Qrow:You’re going to have be a little bit more specific.

Raven:*slams hand and leans* Does. Salem. Have. The Tape?

Qrow:Tape?

Raven:Yeah the sex tape, it was in the vault.

Qrow:Whaaat? Who’s on it?

Raven:*smirks* Who isn’t on it?

Qrow:Oh shit....*downs whiskey* Tai is gonna kill me!

xxxxx

Apathy:*roaming*

Ruby:Quick, the door!

Weiss:*shakes it* They’re locked!

Yang:Let me-*trips up stairs* agh! My face!

Weiss:Yang! *snickering* Oh gods, are...are you okay?

Yang:Uuuuugggghh. Imma just lie here. Guess we die. *raise head*

Weiss:Uh oh, bloody nose. Time out.

Apathy:*shuffling backwards*

Blake:*on the ground* Imagine, asking grimm just to leave?

xxxxx

Nora:Psst camera man. Pan to Penny.

Penny:*getting make up done* Yo!

Nora:Ready to die a second time!?

Penny:Hell yeah! Gonna make the people cry twice! *puts in red contacts*

xxxxx

Cinder:*chokes Raven* I’m taking what’s mine.

Raven:Last time I checked your name isn’t Tai. So get your hands off my throat. *looks off set*

Tai:*face palming*

Yang:*red* Mom!!

Raven:Someone was thinking it.

xxxxx

Fiona:*reading lines*

Robyn:She’s very focused right now. I think she’s nervous. *grabs megaphone* Cameras go live in five minutes.

Fiona:*tearing up*

Robyn:No wait! I was lying! Please dry those tears!

Fiona:Stop stressing me out! I’m new here.

Robyn:*hugging her* Ssssshhh I’ll rehearse with you.

xxxxx

[Volume 3]

Blake:*getting first aid*

Adam:*staring at camera* Funny thing about Blake Belladonna, she hates reshoots.

Blake:Do not...

Adam:She hates them so much in fact that she’ll do whatever it takes make the first take an absolute masterpiece. Blake Belladonna however also does about half of her stunts. Good stunts too. All those flips and hand to hand, that’s just her being cool. *puts hands together* I’ve worked with her since day one. I’m in most of those actions scenes. So let me tell how insane this girl is.

Blake:Oh geez...

Adam:Ten minute ago, we’re just shooting the scene where her character and my character are fighting. The plan was I “backhand” her and she falls on the ground. Now we’re not perfect. We’ve accidentally grazed each other before. But when I tell you Blake literally just sat there and watched as my hand swung at her....

Blake:Man, I don’t know what happened! *snorting* I knew it was coming, but then the next minute I had no time to go with it.

Adam:Now normally, a sane person would yell cut, but not Blake. I’m looking at her shocked as she’s staring back mouthing “roll with it.” And against judgment, I did.

Blake:It doesn’t get more authentic than that! Plus it only stung.

Yang:Until we finished the scene! We look at you and this red mark is appearing and you’re like “yeah, Adam knocked the hell out of me.”

Adam:And now I feel bad!

Blake:Nah man, perfect scene. Way to improvise.

Yang:Blake Belladonna everyone.

xxxx

Fennec: *dies*

Corsac: Corsac no!!!

Ilia:Wait, your Corsac.

Corsac:Shit, really? Damn, read the long lines all volume.

Ilia:W..wait...*smiling* d..did switch roles? Has no caught that?

Blake:N...no? *looks around* We didn’t right?

Sun:*containg laughter* Please...please tell me we haven’t mixed the roles all season? You audition for...?

Corsec:Fennec. I’m playing Fennec right? *snickering*

Blake:I...uh..how’d we-

Corsec:I’m just fucking with you.

Blake:Oh my god! Dude, I thought we messed up so much shit! My heart!

Crew:*laughing*

Blake:Y’all are jerks. I type the credits don’t scare me like that!

xxxxx

Ghira:*tears cloak off*

Tyrian and Salem: Dayuuuuuum! Look at that man!

Ghira:Pfft, god damn it. You ruined my roar! Hahaha.

xxxxx

Director:Alright Jaune. So in this scene you punch the wall because you just learned about Salem being immortal. Remember to hit hard enough get a good bang for the mic, but we don’t want you breaking your hand or anything.

Jaune:Got it!

Director:And action!

Jaune:*cracks wall*

Everyone:......

Jaune:......

Nora:Welp, he didn’t say anything about breaking the wall.

xxxxxx

Cinder:*holding sister* Diva in the building yall. Introducing mini me.

Ember:I get paid!

Cinder:Yeah you do!

Everyone:(The resemblance is uncanny.)

xxxxxx

Interviewer: Has it feel to work with distinguished talents like Tyrian.

Mercury:There isn’t a moment that man lets me rest. I could have one scene and that guy is offset staring at me and shimming or wearing a prop just throw me off-he’s doing it now! *smiles*

Tyrian:*in Salem’s costume* I don’t know what you mean Mercury? Are you...*props leg up* distracted?

Mercury:Serious doesn’t exist with that man on set.

xxxxx

Interview:Adam, how’s it feel to be the most hated character.

Adam:It’s hilarious. I go the store to get a coffee and the cashier is doing a double take as they stare at me wearing a shirt with Pumpkin Pete on it. Before they process who I am exactly I’m just like, “please tell me you have pumpkin spice?” And their perception is ruined immediately.

Interviewer:Ever get hate at events.

Adam:Oh it’s a game now! Not by my choice. This was Yang’s idea.

Yang:*pokes in* Y’all talking about the game where I make people upset? *sits in his lap* excuse me.

Adam:Against my will...*snickers* anytime I go to a convention with Yang, she enters the room from the opposite door and let the people gather to her while haters gather to me.

Yang:By the time I reach him I see about a dozen people glaring at him while my fans are following me until I get where I need to go. Right before I do, I walk up to Adam as if I didn’t know he’d be there, then jump into his arms happily. Everyone shuts up. They don’t know how to cope.

Adam:That’s with almost any hero in this show. I’m minding my own business and then they cling to me for shock value. Yang and Blake are the worst though.

Yang:I’ve sat in his lap like I am now at a Q&A before because people booed when he showed up. The beef isn’t real people! My arm is fine!

xxxxx

Jaune:*staring at Pyrrha’s statue*.....

*foot steps approach*

Jaune:*looks left* !?

Pyrrha:*holding flowers* A tragedy, this person’s death. You knew them?

Jaune:I...y...no. Just heard of her.

Pyrrha:Really? Cool. Reall strong person. Her people were heartbroken when she chose Beacon. But it was the place she dreamed of. Ashamed she died. Gone, never to be seen.

Jaune:She may be gone, but I know she had no regrets. Pyrrha was a huntress through and through, and I believe she fought like one until the end.

Pyrrha:*nods* Yeah, I think so too. *containg joy*

.........

Pyrrha:This isn’t the real scene by the way.

Jaune:I was about to say! Like, what the hell is happening!? I read the script and missed this part!

Pyrrha:Hahahaha! Good improvising. *claps* way to roll with the nonsense. I can’t believe you said no though! That’s how you get haunted.

Jaune:*laughing* I thought I was! Ghost Pyrrha walking with flowers saying “oh you know her?” I thought I did until you showed up!

Ren:We just shoot random scenes of you talking to Pyrrha and never address it. Jaune is just crazy now.

Pyrrha:I’m down for that!

Director:No! Well....no! Stop trying to get more lines!

Pyrrha:Awww.

xxxxxx

Ozpin:You know originally I brought my kid here so we can bond and he was like “awesome!”

Cameraman pans over to Oscar and Penny sitting on a bench eating together, laughing.

Ozpin:*smirking* I was played, but I respect it.

xxxxxx

[Volume 6]

Jaune:*walks up to Ruby* Promise that you’ll meet us there.

Ruby:I promise. *smiles*

..... *both lean in*

Ruby:......*kisses him*

Everyone:!?!?

Nora:Woah! Cut!

Ruby:Huh? What’s up?

Nora:There’s no kiss!

Ruby:Really? Feels like a kiss should be here. Huh, my bad. Thought it was written in.

xxxxxx

Ruby:*posed up in chair* They had to cut out me kissing Jaune. That’s fine, still kissed him.

xxxxxx

Nora:All I’m saying is maybe I should get a kiss with him.

Director:Nora, just ask him out on your own time.

Nora:Pffft what? Me, into Jaune? No..... I just think it would make good narrative sense.

Director:How!?

Nora:......*walks away* It just would!

[spacetwiga]

leave c!phil out of bullshit 2k21 -- a not so tiny post by a new enthusiast

As someone who finds both common fanon and actual canon to be quite fun, I really think the general DSMP fandom would benefit greatly from a few things in general: the greatest, in my opinion, is learning to accept that popular fanon won’t usually be the canon you receive. Another, of course, is that POVs are golden, but with these two things being flimsy in being accepted, they are the major flaws that cause about 90% of the absolute messy takes that gain traction, oftentimes poisoning a canon character's ability to exist in the story.

My biggest beef regarding this comes from how y’all treat c!Phil, so here I am, being annoying on main side! 

TL;DR... Just because someone acted like like a guidance to others, doesn’t always mean that they'll want to be the father figure role for everyone that breathes. Similarly, pinning down a character on a single trope is wack, so don't be surprised if they grow away from it.

Baby’s first little dsmp rambling below!

(Warning: it's long as hell)

The Dream SMP plotline is not written out like most popular media. With so many moving parts in the form of daily streams and the wonderful tool of live improvisation, it makes perfect sense that such a giant cast would not always be on the same page. Adding onto that, it also makes more sense that a vast majority of the cast will be placed into supporting roles, as the story needs to have characters that serve as narrative anchors and others that function as the links in a chain, all weathering the storm that is the plot.

Screentime, of course, plays a major factor into canon exposure -- in terms of the Dream SMP, POV matters equally, if not more, too. 

It’s a pretty neat way of showing things, but in the end, the fanbase has a lovely (read: godawful /lh) way of analysing characters, particularly when it relates to how they interact with others from their fave character’s POV. The tendency to analyse things from a single character's POV is fine, but not when attempting to critique the greater whole of a conflict. Both sides, no matter how wrong they may seem to be, matter.

Adding onto the fact that everything is live, there are things that will spiral out of control, casual words being skewed and thus having the potential of a single line seemingly contradicting the entire ‘story’ that the fanbase has made. If it directly affects a fave's POV in particular, one is more likely to take offense, as bias immediately bars one from trying to see the other person's side of things.

POV is important. 

Which brings me to c!Phil, and how critics tend to ignore his perspective to prop up another character, or justify the tearing down of another.

Improvisation is both a blessing and a curse; the fanbase, however, loves to test out the latter. With it, the fanbase starts crafting tales to justify it...And so begins the mess that is c!Phil discourse.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is not supposed to be your fave’s fluffy father figure... unless you’re c!Wilbur!!!

😃☝🏾Dadza is good...👉🏾😎👉🏾 But fandom wants the excessive, idealized version.

-- birb 2k21

Family dynamics are generally loved for their potential for comfort, particularly those of a found family nature. Fandom in general tends to lean into them wholeheartedly, with most major bases having at least one prominent group present; SBI, of course, is no different. From fanart to popular fanfiction, it's arguably the biggest group dynamic alongside the Dream Team, and for that, a precedence was set. 

c!Phil, if he ever joined, would fix everything! All of the ‘kids’ would turn to their new mentor and everything would turn out fine! This all knowing, morally just character will chuckle at their antics and wacky hijinks will follow! Fun times, right? /s

The hope for it, however, has long since been shattered, and frankly, good for him!

To go a little ooc, cc!Phil has stated multiple times that, while he was friendly with a lot of the cast as c!Phil, his only paternal link (at least biologically) lies with c!Wilbur. Simple, right? It should be -- there are multiple clips of him saying this -- but fans choose to ignore it in their critiques, generally citing favouritism or downright neglect for the character’s flaws. From 'favoring' Techno (who, in canon, holds the highest link in friendship outside of c!Wilbur's familal link) to 'neglecting' to visit Tommy (who he barely knew, and also assumed, like many others, that he was fine), these critiques weigh heavily on the scale that judges Phil’s so called father figure trope. 

The story, however, has only leaned into (and persisted with) that for c!Wilbur alone, and adding onto it, there is an established acknowledgement from both ccs. That confirmation should hold the most weight, especially since both Phil and Wilbur seem alright with it. Even so, that familial has yet to be explored much for both characters, particularly regarding c!Phil, who has his debut (at least narratively) in a scene that feels opposite to the classic fatherly role.

c!Wilbur denounced accepting that helping hand to fall entirely into his explosive end, setting a precedence unlike most fatherly types arriving to save their kid. Usually, fandom narrative would love a close save, father and son uniting to heal and build up what was broken, but c!Phil’s entrance inks his story in failure. Angsty, right? We love angst!

And yet, as the story ticks on, the bad takes pile up.

Why? Well, I’l used to think that it is a “funny haha�� type thing; a way to grieve for a character that was lost, as Alivebur was genuinely a great character. However, with the plot slowly progressing c!Phil’s story to evolve away from the ‘mentor the kids’ trope , I should have seen a storm on the horizon.

It should have been seen from the moment he stabbed c!Wilbur in the chest, but optimism is one hell of a smokescreen.

Built up fanon, however, is probably the greatest fog to ever exist.

There are lines before the button room confrontation that paint a picture of Wilbur seeking out the approval of his father (who seemed distant, at least from his POV), as well as hints to the SBI dynamic, but with the countless dismissals/retcons from CCs involved, as well as little to no consistent canon acknowledgement of this team dad role...Why base an entire hate piece of c!Phil just because popular fanon isn’t real? 

Why, for the sake of building up a well rounded character, would one place the title of a communal parental figure on a grieving father who has little attachment to the community involved, especially when most of them are too busy delving into their own issues?

Furthermore, why go for Mr. Philza Minecraft: Angel of Death, CEO of KEKW, Functioning Immortal????

It’s madness, luv, and frankly, antis cannot let c!Phil process any of his grief (or flesh out his character) without his contributions being fatherly. His role has been idealized to the point where he is not a character on his own, but an accessory to the happiness of other characters. That is not how the world works, and in a conflict riddled server like the dsmp, arguing that it should be like that is counterproductive.

c!Phil had his own shit to deal with, and as he slowly uncovers how fucked up the server actually was, he merely adapts to it. He learns to play the game by his own rules, and people become mad that he’s succeeding in his own way. It's as simple as that, particularly when referencing his initial exposure to the world he now inhabits.

c!Phil is a man who used to hear of his son’s success from the letters he received, words spinning tales of won revolutions and newfound friendships. To a father, those letters are more than enough to assume that all is well, and with it, he had no reason to check on his son, who was already old enough to be carving his path alone. For him to arrive and see just how broken his son actually was, and then, in front of faces he only vaguely knows, kill said son... There's a lot to take in.

He shouldn't have had to care about L'Manberg in those moments, not when he had his son in his arms, dead by his own goddamn weapon; his son who, to his knowledge, was doing pretty well up until he caught wind of his plot. Yet, he does.

He gives them the benefIt of the doubt, even ignoring the one person he has shown to have deep history with (c!Techno) to assist the nation in defeating the withers and rebuilding what was lost.

c!Phil stays in a nation that has seemingly brought his son right into his demise, holding in that grief to help people who he assumes have the chance to rebuild, to reform. For a moment, he trusts that the system can turn into something positive, offering to hunker down and do what he can to help. That’s the start of a fatherly type role for most -- with many expectations rising from fans to ‘fix’ all these traumatized characters.

In another plot, perhaps critics could have gotten the tropes they want from c!Phil, but to blame the character for reacting negatively to a world he barely knew, right after seeing it ruin his son and target a friend...Maybe the need for a "father figure" only stems from making their faves happy.

Characters that don't directly support your fave are not inherently awful characters. Critique based on that alone is...flimsy, really, but honestly, you can use to to show how they process things.

Which brings me to the events leading up to Doomsday, and with it, the steady rise of c!Phil’s defining traits.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is one of the most loyal members on the server, but loyalty doesn’t mean he's blindly following along!

😃☝🏾Butcher Army take this L👉🏾😎👉🏾 Found it in the L’Mancrater

-- birb 2k21

The butcher army arc, while nestled among the mainline story of Tommy’s exile (which I will not even mention, because those dadza takes about visiting may deserve a post on their own), allows for c!Phil to see into the minds of those who had once been with (or even against) his son’s plans. Sure, he may be witnessing them after the eve of their newfound traumas, but this is an important observation to make when comparing how easy it was to denounce his affiliation to them and side with c!Technoblade.

Unlike the new Administration, slowly dipping deeper and deeper into their own form of power hunger, c!Technoblade’s base desires had never wavered. His trust in others, however, had, still nursing the sting of a betrayal, but with no conflict in sight. He is reforming, finding comfort in his solitude, and still maintaining contact with those he trusts.

Techno's Compass, for one, is a major example of their mutual trust. Despite being on opposing territories, they are civil enough to trust each other, just like old friends.

Thus, when you take two old friends who are more than used to conflict -- one grieving and one betrayed, but both seeking neutrality -- it shouldn’t have surprised the antis that c!Phil would place c!Techno’s whereabouts (and life, mind you) over some government he barely knew. 

And yet, above all else, c!Phil starts off as a neutral party for everyone's sake, forgoing potential conquest for peace.

To c!Phil and c!Techno, it’s like fighting back to back, knowing that one can always trust the other to fend off those just waiting to take advantage of your blindspot, while also quelling the need to imagine your partner turning around and doing the same. That sort of friendship is forged through many, many hardships.

They betray what little trust he had built in them. That’s on them.

c!Phil is aware how untrusting c!Techno is, and while c!Techno feels safe enough to give his all for c!Phil, he never exploits it to get ahead, which is something L'Manbergians felt okay with doing.

They take a book out of the playbook used on c!Techno, for c!Techno.

They went after yet another person who was close to him, using their power and influence to hold an execution under the guise of seeking justice. If c!Wilbur, at least pre-corruption arc, sent letters to his father, one would at least expect some of his old ideals of freedom and fairness to leak through into his friends, right? To see those c!Phil assumed would hold similar ideals immediately skew towards a darker, brutal side, particularly in threatening others to get what they wanted...Well, shit hit the fan.

c!Phil does not have that strong relationship with any former L’Manbergians, and despite there being potential for such, it didn't work out that way; instead, however, those characters manage to mistake his kindness for weakness. They take his preferred neutrality as a way to exploit him, to gain in such a way that he lost agency...

No more Mister Nice Dadza, and honestly, he’s justified in that notion.

They’ve lost his trust, time too short to have gained that strong link like c!Techno’s or c!Wilbur’s, and with it, came the inevitable association with Doomsday.

c!Phil knew c!Techno’s intentions from the beginning -- which had only wavered into dormancy because he had grown tired of fighting, understanding that the cycle he wishes to break is not worth his efforts -- so the agreement in participating is effortless. 

c!Dream was there too, of course, but in their mutual quest for eradication, it’s made canon that c!Techno and c!Phil hid away most of their arsenal, despite seeming overprepared. They have no loyalty to c!Dream; they’re smart enough to play along, however. He was a means to an end.

There’s no lies present in their relationship; c!Phil needed someone who didn’t try and pull wool over his eyes, and c!Techno let him see.

c!Techno needed someone who wouldn't stab him in the back, and c!Phil stayed true as his hidden sword.

Which is why, as the two joined forces, ideals aligning and power synergized, they didn’t think twice about nuking the nation to bedrock. Mutually agreeing that the system needs to die, they did what they could, and they succeeded.

How cool of them, tbh LMAO.

New L’Manberg tugged too hard at the sleeping tiger’s tail; they shouldn’t have expected it to roll over.

Their openness to each other was known.

There was no need for underhanded plays, for hidden betrayals, for undisclosed words.

Their loyalties were strong.

They were in sync.

In conclusion (maybe, maybe not...this shit is long holy heck)

😃☝🏾 I may hate this analysis in 30 minutes👉🏾😎👉🏾 Or I may make a part 2. Fuck it!

-- birb 2k21

And that’s what makes c!Phil an interesting character: He tends to be critiqued in reference to chatacters who have very well wronged him, have no affiliation to him or get associated to him through popular fanon. There's a lot to cover that I haven't (from Ghostbur to the whole Tommy 'dilemna') but overall I'm digging what I have now and if I ever get more energy, I'll continue!

c!Phil enthusiasts, I hope I did you proud LMAO. It's my first forray into this side of tumblr 👉🏾👈🏾 I'm a lurker.

c!Phil antis, you can either act respectful or go argue with a wall. I got experience dealing with antis on Tumblr; I am immune to BS.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. Signing off!

- BIRB.

[ask-the-barkerverse]

MLP Headcanon Dump

Just realized that I never bothered to post this on here. Heads up, this is a VERY long post.

Svengallop's parents are Charity Kindheart and Bracer Britches. The two had a brief affair, but never officially dated and Sven was an accident. Charity loved her son, but passed away due to illness when he was a teenager, so Sven was sent to live with his father who never wanted him. This has a lot to do with Svengallop's attitude as an adult.

All pure blooded draconequui are able to become pregnant or impregnate a partner, regardless of gender.

Wind Rider is a womanizer and serial adulterer with several illegitimate children, including Helia, Lighting Dust and Cloudy Daze among others.

There are some ponies who eat meat, such as fish, pork and chicken (eating beef and venison would be considered immoral since bovines and deer in Equestria are sentient). It's not particularly common and is actually considered gross by the majority, not unlike humans who eat insects. Equestria also has plenty of vegan alternatives that exist in our world, such as tofu and artificial meat.

The comic arc "Siege of the Crystal Empire" was actually just a fanfic written by Mina the dragon.

Tree Hugger is a member of the Hooffield Family. She ran away from home as a teen because she was sick of the constant fighting with the McColts. After running away she ended up joining a hippie commune, which is how she became the mare she is today.

Ocellus is the daughter of Queen Chrysalis. She will be queen of Thorax's hive after he is gone.

It is a tradition in Equestria for nurses to add 'heart' to the end of their names once they graduate nursing school. For example, Nurse Redheart's birth name is Redlove and Nurse Sweetheart is Sweetcream. This is in honor of Nurse Cureheart, the nurse credited for curing Celestia's broken heart after Luna's banishment.

The baby brother Hoops mentions in "The Cutie Mark Chronicles" is actually Spiral Notepad, who is now a trans filly.

Yaks speak Equestrian (aka English) so badly only because they have their own language and Equestrian is foreign to them.

The Kirin are thought to be the result of Asian unicorns interbreeding with dragons, but this has never been proven.

Derpy Hooves and Dinky Doo are mother and daughter, with Dinky having been born to Derpy when she was still in her teens. (I know it's an old headcanon, but I'll always have a soft spot for it.)

Quibble Pants is a natural blonde.

Derpy Hooves' real name is Ditzy Doo. "Derpy" was a childhood nickname that just kinda stuck.

Derpy has an eye condition called strabismus, hence the crooked eyes.

Crackle is a pseudodragon, a species of lizard that disguise themselves as dragons. Despite having twice as many limbs and gems growing out of them, they are accepted by dragons as one of their own.

Flash Sentry and Spearhead are brothers and are both descended from a pony that escaped the Crystal Empire during King Sombra's reign.

Sunset Shimmer and Sunburst are cousins.

Discord created Poison Joke.

Toe Tapper and Torch Song are the parents of Coco Pommel.

Hoity Toity is part mule, hence the long ears.

Celestia was born with an all-pink mane and tail and would have gained more shades of orange and yellow as she grew, but she instead gained hues of green and blue when she took over Luna's duty of raising the moon after Nightmare Moon's banishment.

Wind Sprint's original father died in a sports-related accident, which is why Clear Sky found comfort and common ground with Quibble Pants who was able to distract her from sports for a while. Unfortunately, as we all know from the episode, this had no effect on Wind Sprint's persistent love for sports.

Celestia was technically the first pony who managed to pull off a sonic rainboom, but it wasn't the same as Rainbow Dash's since she lacked the colors of a proper rainbow. Over time it was forgotten, but Celestia's "rainboom" was the basis of the sonic rainboom being a myth in the first place.

Pinkie Pie and Applejack's respective families are both descended from the children of Chancellor Puddinghead and Smart Cookie.

Orchard Blossom is an actual Apple family member that Big Mac was impersonating in "Brotherhooves Social".

Rainbow Blaze (the rainbow-maned stallion from "Games Ponies Play" who was confirmed is not Rainbow Dash's father) is Rainbow Dash's older brother.

The final alternate future seen in "The Cutie Remark-Part 2" where Equestria is nothing but an apocalyptic wasteland is a result of Daybreaker coming to life and burning everything to the ground into pure ash. It got so bad that it ultimately left Daybreaker with no kingdom to rule anymore. (As horrifying as it sounds, the dirt that Twilight and Starlight were standing on in that scene included the ashes of hundreds of dead ponies.)

Pear Butter and Bright Mac were killed by Timberwolves on a day trip. Sadly, Granny Smith considers herself responsible for this as she forgot to warn them about the Timberwolves that day. As a result, this is also why Applejack is so good at fighting them off.

Due to their godlike status, Celestia and Luna are the only immortal alicorns. Ordinary royalty like Twilight Sparkle, Cadance, and Flurry Heart have longer lifespans than normal ponies but can still die of old age.

Screwball is the daughter of Nurse Sweetheart and her eyes only become swirly when she's exposed to Poison Joke. The effect it has on her is that it makes her see weird stuff and she used to be addicted to it, but ended up quitting altogether as the last time she used it (around the time Discord returned) caused her to see some pretty nightmarish imagery.

The episode "Yakety Sax" was just a bad fever dream Pinkie Pie had after eating too much Yak cuisine one day.

All the changelings in Thorax's hive are siblings born from the same queen. Changelings do not interbreed with members of their own hive, though they may form family units with their siblings and adopt grubs to raise, hence the family of changelings Ocellus was seen with in "Hearths Warming Club".

Whoa Nelly's real name is Jelly Nelly Bean. Her large size is the result of a very rare pituitary disorder.

Fluttershy's human world counterpart is a vegan.

Aunt and Uncle Orange are both parental figures to Babs Seed. Whether they're her biological or adoptive parents in still unknown.

The hippocampus (aka the seaponies from the 2017 movie) once existed as a separate race, but are believed to have been driven to extinction because of the Sirens, who destroyed their homes, depleted their food sources, and even directly preyed on them. This was of course before Queen Novo fled into the sea and formed the seaponies we know from the 2017 movie.

Snap Shutter and Mane Allgood had Scootaloo later in life as they didn't really plan to have a foal, hence why they're such thoughtless parents.

Mane Allgood is actually a cousin of Daring Do.

Bulk Biceps is Featherweight's biological father. He was formerly married to an abusive, neglectful, and alcoholic wife, resulting in a divorce and Bulk and Featherweight moving to Ponyville and leaving her for good.

Cheese Sandwich is the younger brother of Marine Sandwich. The real reason he ran away from home and stumbled into Ponyville by chance is because he wanted to get away from his psychotic older sister. (Based off of this.)

Cheese Sandwich and Mudbriar are cousins.

Limestone Pie's talent is mixing drinks.

Burnt Oak is the father of the pony versions of Timber Spruce and Gloriosa Daisy.

Rumble is a trans colt.

Granny Smith's real name is Maria Ann Smith, or "Annie Smith" for short.

Fluttershy is the oldest of the Man Six, while Pinkie Pie is the youngest.

Trixie's full name is actually Bellatrix Lulamoon. She prefers to go by Trixie as it's easier to remember.

Tempest Shadow didn't receive her cutie mark until she was an adult, AFTER the events of the MLP movie where she started using her horn to make fireworks.

The draconequus were once a race of creatures that went to war against ponykind after their prince (aka Discord) was turned to stone. The war resulted in many of them being wiped out and it's currently unknown if any besides Discord still exist today.

Kirin shed and regrow their horns once a year, similar to deer antlers. Shed kirin horns make a powerful ingredient in potions.

[bondsmagii]

I don't know what HABIT is but suddenly I must know of this nazi drama

Anonymous said: I probably shouldn't even ask but what is HABIT?

god. I’m going to try and keep this as simple as possible because this is one hell of a rabbit hole (lol) so.

first thing’s first: HABIT is an entity/antagonist in YouTube horror series EverymanHYBRID, a series that began with a bunch of the other Slender Man YouTube series projects that were happening back then. pretty sure it’s overall the longest running one, which is cool. anyway they have a lot of wild shit going on there and HABIT is this demonic entity that’s super evil in the edgy way but because he’s HABIT he gets away with it. (sincerely don’t know how they managed to pull off having such a fucking edgelord antagonist but it works like. holy shit.) dude possesses people, is deranged, all that fun stuff.

moving on. basically back in the day a lot of the Slender Man series were crossing over with one another. to the best of my recollection, having been there when the ancient magic was written, at one point every major series with the exception of Marble Hornets crossed over (MH decided to stay within its own contained universe). creators would appear in one another’s videos, send things to one another, and generally interact and create a wider, complimentary universe. pretty cool, except unfortunately for the EMH guys, their major crossover was with a project called TribeTwelve.

now. I have beef with TT and I’ve had beef with it since like, 2010/2011 or so, and recently I was proven Correct, so this in itself would be a whole other essay. to summarise, the creator of TT was exposed as a shitty person who had been sexually harrassing/abusing fans, generally getting on like a jackass, extorting money, being overall abusive, and also some other really nasty shit I won’t get into because we’re trying to keep this as light as possible here. pretty impossible with a jerk of this magnitude, but whatever. naturally the TT creator got cancelled and with good reason, and now everything is a little complicated in terms of the crossover. EMH has distanced themselves from TT and they Do Not Condone (and I’ve found no evidence to suggest any of them knew what was going on/was involved), but as you can imagine it sucks to have someone you worked with creatively to such a degree act like a clown and put everything in jeopardy, as well as betray the trust you had in them etc. it’s an overall nasty situation.

now onto the Nazi drama. it’s canon that HABIT can possess multiple people (sometimes at the same time) and also because he’s an immortal entity or whatever HABIT is said to be responsible for many atrocities over human history (the people committing the crimes were all possessed by HABIT). because of the crossovers, HABIT is also a supporting character in TT, and the creator of TT added in to the HABIT Extended Universe that HABIT had been possessing the bodies of several prominent Nazis. (or like, Mengele alone or something, I can’t quite remember, but it was the Top Brass of Nazi bastards.) now, some people jumped the gun here and said it was disrespectful because it was essentially saying “oh, the poor Nazis, they didn’t know what they were doing because they were possessed :(” but I disagree on that point. you know I’m serious, because I hate the creator of TT and there is public beef between us going back over a decade, so I really do mean I think this was a reach. it was added in to a bunch of callout posts and I think they were just trying to get as much shit on him as possible, as though what he’d already done wasn’t enough. in this case I think it makes sense, because a lot of people have interpreted HABIT in their own way and he’s frequently assigned roles in what people find the most despicable in a person. the creator of TT is Jewish, so it makes sense that he would regard Nazis as the worst evil he could comprehend. that much, I think, is innocent.

but. and this is where it gets wack. this is minor discourse. the main discourse that I’ve seen is not that HABIT was allegedly a Nazi, and not that this could be seen to be Nazi apologism, but more... because the creator of TT has been cancelled, it’s now problematic to subscribe to the Nazi HABIT headcanon. not because like, Nazis. but because the person who suggested it into the canon has been deemed Cancelled. this is just... so unbelievably wack to me. I know the creator of TT did some nasty shit, but the fact that cancelling means you can no longer headcanon an evil demon as a Nazi in a past iteration because the real-world creator of that idea is Problematic is just such a microcosm of Tumblr/Twitter priorities that I have to have a tepid chuckle.

(for the record, I’m pretty sure the EMH guys have veto’d that anyway, so HABIT is no longer a Nazi. he’s just a murderous rapist baby-eating cannibalistic torturer and serial killer. we can all sleep soundly tonight!)

[drshebloggo]

how to make WW84 a stronger movie

As sort of requested, here’s a beefed-up version of the list of notes I made watching WW84 because I was getting cranky with the execution of this movie and couldn’t help but jot down ideas. I WANTED to love this thing but the script was not selling its ideas to best effect.

For me, I think there were a few challenges inherent in the movie they wanted to make. BUT with a few different choices here and there in the way the story was told, it would’ve improved its impact without sacrificing what they were going for with tone and characters. 

CHALLENGE #1: this movie is set SO far in the future from the events of the first film. 65 years have passed, and Diana is still just gliding somberly through her life and that makes me SAD. All her friends are dead! She’s on her own and cursed with immortality!! She lives in an ‘80s decor sadness chamber surrounded by photos and memories of people she’ll never see again!!!

And yet the film gave us no real textual information about that. They did the laziest thing possible, which was pan the camera around a million photos on mantles and told us NOTHING. Literally WHAT has Diana done for the past, say, THIRTY YEARS since her Earth Friends all died without her??? Has she literally made NO OTHER friends? She’s still sad about Steve 65 years later and nothing else has progressed?

This lack of specificity leaves Diana fading in the lead role of her own movie despite the fact that there’s TONS of material there that they just... ignored. For me, she read flat, which bummed me out majorly. Her best stuff was with Steve because that actually MEANS something. But it’s all she’s got in this film. They didn’t bother filling in any other information about her life. 

FIX IT: literally just make Barbara already friends with Diana at the beginning. Not only does it make Diana more interesting, it reduces the sheer amount of exposition that the film piles on in the first 45 minutes. This also means you can bring Steve back sooner than the 45 minute mark, which would help grease the wheels in the first third of the movie. And it also means that Diana losing Barbara to inhumanity would actually have a greater impact on Diana beyond “oh my kooky new friend turned into an evil cat; this is vexing.”

CHALLENGE #2: the tone is WILDLY different than the tone of the first. They went from WWI trench warfare to shopping malls and fanny packs. It’s a HUGE tone shift, and it takes some getting used to. But there are good things to it; namely it provides great comedy for Steve, who is a definite bright spot in the movie. 

Overall I’m on board with doing a superhero movie that pivots away from grit and darkness and toward camp and comedy, and it’s cool to do something new rather than reiterate the same tone from the first film. But I think they could’ve done more to sell the tone shift. 

There are HIJINKS inherent in the premise that I’m guessing were fairly unilaterally unexpected. There’s a vaguely historical magic WISHING STONE and three buffoons each made a wish and turned shit upside down. I myself wish that Maxwell and Barbara and Diana were rendered in triplicate, as equal collaborators in this batshittery. I don’t think you’re watering down Diana’s role as lead (no more than giving her no other emotions to play than sadness) by doing so, and it even works nicely to own the idea that Max and Barbara are on equal narrative ground as Diana.

As far as the villainy goes, Max is more recognizably a Bad Guy, but Barbara is NOT, and it’s fascinating to show at least Diana and Barbara working together but slowly falling apart as shit goes SIDEWAYS. Hijinks can be zany and also meaningful! What if a villain is just a friend who wants something different than you and you have to come to terms with that and stop them from doing dumb shit? There’s an element of screwball to this premise and I wanted them to lean in more. This would also give Diana more to do than cry and fight.

FIX IT: show Barbara getting her powers using the same tropes of other superheroes getting their powers and figuring them out. Play it like she’s Peter Parker finding out she’s Spider-man. Hell, do a montage with all three of them using/abusing their powers: Barbara beating the shit out of things, Maxwell manipulating people, Steve and Diana making the fuck out and enjoying the shit out of it. These are the joys of wish fulfillment! 

AND, if they had set up the rules of the artifact beforehand (see Challenge #3), then the audience would know they were watching very happy people who are going to have their LIVES RUINED SOON. And that is good storytelling. (Maybe this is oversimplified, but honestly half of good storytelling is just making the audience feel two opposite emotions at the same time. The other half is dramatic irony, which would also apply to this trio montage.)

CHALLENGE #3: What the hell are the rules of this magic wishing artifact anyways??? The audience should know them before the characters do. The way this movie doled out information was bananas. They waited right before they were going to the tell the audience something to show us what they were about to tell us. Just show us earlier and tell the characters later!!! That way WE’LL already know because we’ve seen it, and THEY’RE not saddled with expositional dialogue to make sure the audience follows the idea.

FIX IT: For the love of humanity, nix the opening sequence with the horse race and make it about the damn stone!! Rip off Lord of the Rings and tell the history of the innocent but dangerous thing. Rip off Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and animate something about how it gives wishes at a cost. Hell, let Connie Nielsen and Robin Wright(’s unbelievably ripped arms) tell young Diana the story so they can still hang out and be a part of the film! Throw in some lore about the gods, just to remind us where Diana comes from and her belief system, and we’re good to go.

While you’re at it, toss in the whole point of the film into the moral that Diana’s moms impart to her at a young age. It’s not a spoiler. We don’t wonder if 1984 Diana will do the right thing. She does not need to LEARN this moral. She already knows the moral, but she still has to make the hard choice to let Steve go and of course it doesn’t come easy.

In summary: that horse race had little to do with the rest of the movie and it’s wasted story space, especially for setting up the entire magical premise that the movie hinges on, let alone the actual message of the film.

CHALLENGE #4: Do we care about Maxwell and his kiddo enough to rest the entire movie’s resolution on it? Ehhhh. The glimpses into young Max’s abuse is another example of showing information RIGHTBEFORE it’s important, rather than setting it up earlier to pay off later. It’s a far weaker choice.

FIX IT: Age up Alistair. If he’s a teen or preeteen, then the stakes feel higher because it seems more monumental to undo the trauma of neglect at that age. Much like in his business pursuits, the clock is ticking and Max is running out of opportunities for success in all realms of his life.

Maybe show Maxwell trying to reason with Alistair earlier in the movie, saying that he’s a good dad because he’s not as bad a dad as his own father. It shows us how he justifies his behavior, gives us the information that he had an abusive dad, and gives an actual interaction between father and son other than “daddy you’re not here” and “shhh son here’s a pony.”

Possible other fix-it which connects to other fixes: what if Barbara actually renounces her wish before Max does? It should be more painful to the audience to lose Barbara to her wish because we’ve technically LIKED her at one point. She means something to Diana, and so she means something to us. Honestly, the audience has rooted for her independent of Diana! The scene where she realizes she’s not powerless against her harasser but then completely loses herself in violence against him? One of the movie’s best. It’s pretty dissatisfying that she just goes completely off the deep end and then nothing with her is resolved after the wishes are broken.

But, with the way the movie is set up, the big emotional climax is the scene of Diana getting through to Max/the entire planet, so it’s hard to undo that and give it to Barbara instead, considering that it won’t wrap up the plot. But geez, do SOMETHING with Barbara that’s based in actual emotions. Don’t hinge your entire movie’s emotional resolve on a father-son relationship that’s two-dimensional and doesn’t have anything to do with the main character! You had emotional investment in Barbara; use it!!

At the very least, have Diana get through to Barbara in some way, either before Maxwell renounces or after, and maybe even intercut it with Max and his kid. 

CHALLENGE #5: I experience great existential malaise at watching a mylar balloon drift off into the ether. Was there no better visual for the final moments of the film? Asking for myself, and also the planet. (This one is mostly a joke... but seriously, you guys, the PLANET.)

[k7l4d4]

Kamen Rider Info and Ideas (Feel free to ignore)

As a huge fan of Kamen Rider, I always wondered about ways it could be expanded, and maybe not improved so much as become More. So, right now, I am gonna make a list of Kamen Rider Series, starting with Black and RX, and continuing all the way to the Reiwa Era! Everybody clap your hands!! *Cricket noises* Okay, here we go!

Kamen Rider Black, and its sequel, Black RX, details the journey of Kohtaro Minami, or Minami Kohtaro for those who prefer the traditional Japanese naming conventions, on his mission to defeat Gorgom, an ancient tribe/organization that has evolved into a cultic terrorist organization bent on world domination. While still holding to the Showa era’s tradition of having Cyborg Riders, Black and RX were the first in which, aside from Kamen Rider Amazon, the supernatural played a prominent part in the powers of the riders, as Kohtaro and his stepbrother Nobuhiko were the designated heirs to the leader of Gorgom, the Century King, and infused with the relics that contained his power, the Kingstones. Both Kohtaro and Nobuhiko were infused with the Kingstones, in the attempt to convert them into the Villains Black Sun and Shadow Moon, with only Kohtaro managing to escape.

One of the things that I felt could’ve been at least a little better in regards to the series was if Shadow Moon could regain his original self and rejoin the path of justice. It would’ve also been pretty cool if Shadow Moon gained his own upgraded form, which did actually happen in tie-in novels and manga, and if either or both of them gained the ability to unleash a final form that drew upon the power they wielded as the New Century Kings. Ah well, that’s what fanfiction is for!

Kamen Rider Kuuga details the battles of Yusuke Godai, the successor to the ancient warrior of justice, Riku, as the Kuuga. Kuuga’s powers are derived from Growth, allowing him to access a variety of forms and powers based on what he needs to grow into, and can be bolstered by mystical energy sources to ascend even further! Yusuke’s enemies are the Gurongi tribe, ancient monsters who abandoned their humanity to satisfy their love of death and conflict, and wished to have all of humanity become as dark and twisted as them, with the “honor” of being the Gurongi to start the process going to whichever of them managed to win their tournament, in which the Gurongi Tribal-members all battled to the death as a whole.

One of the things that bugged me a little, was that Kuuga never fully evolved all his forms, and that his true final form was even used in his series! I mean, seriously, what!? Once again, budget concerns limit the awesomeness of a series before it can bloom, sigh.

Kamen Rider Agito is the story of Shoichi Tsugami, a young amnesiac who belongs to an offshoot of the human race known as the Agito. Agitos possess incredible psychic powers and exist in a perpetual state of evolution, adapting to the changes in themselves and the world around them at an incredible rate.

My only real beef with this series was the limited number of forms Agito had as compared to Kuuga, and that one of the Extra Riders had the lazy name of Another Agito. You heard me right. All in all, not to bad, but a little frustrating.

Next up, Kamen Rider Ryuki, which also served as part of the inspiration for the list. Honestly, with how much I plan on covering JUST for Ryuki, I’ll probably leave this off after this and pick up more tomorrow. Ryuki is one of the first series in the franchise to fully exploit the nature of multiple riders, and basically invented the concept of Dark Riders, which I will also explain.

Ryuki involves the Rider War, a conflict taking place in the real world, and a parallel realm known as the Mirror World, populated by unfeeling monsters known as, you guessed it, Mirror Monsters, which must constantly kill when in our world in order to remain stable, or at least they are allegedly supposed to. The Rider War was a conflict set up by a man known as Shiro to revive his dead sister, under the guise of a tournament to the death for a reality-warping wish, which Shiro wanted for himself. The war brought together 13, yes you read that right, 13 Riders, all with variances in their styles and abilities. This selfish conflict is partially, if not entirely why I said that introduced Dark Riders properly to the franchise; Dark Riders are individuals who bear the same transformative powers of Kamen Riders, but instead of using them to fight against the wicked and monstrous, are instead put towards their own selfish ends, and none of them are the type of individual you wanna run into in a dark alley.

The Riders of Ryuki derived their power from two things, their Contract Monster, a Mirror Monster that they formed a bond with in order to exist without needing to bring about death, and an Advent Deck, a Deck of Cards that harnessed the power of the Mirror Monster it bonded to and allowed the Riders to survive in the Mirror Realm, which is inherently fatal for humans to be in. One of the key aspects of Advent Cards is how they work, each one draws and harnesses an aspect of the Contract Monster it is connected to, or wields a power specifically to fight other Advent Riders. Now, before I get to my thoughts and ideas, I am going to list each Rider from Ryuki, as well as the nature of their Advent Decks and fighting styles.

Shinji Kido: Kamen Rider Ryuki himself, and contracted to the fierce Dragon-Type Mirror Monster, Dragonredder. With a Dragon on his side, you’d expect him to be the powerhouse of the group, right? HAHAHAHAHA no. Shinji stumbled upon the Rider War by near-complete accident, and, being the nice guy he is, decided if he was going to be a part, he would protect the bystanders from the conflict and ensure as many of the Riders made it out alive as he could. Easier said than done. Out of all the Riders, Ryuki has the least straight-forward fighting style, not helped by his incredible clumsiness, with his deck emphasizing the ability to have as many options as possible; jack of all trades master of none, but better master of none than master of one.

Ren Akiyama: Kamen Rider Knight, and the contract holder of the Bat-Type Mirror Monster, Darkwing. He comes across as aloof, cold even, whose only in it for himself, but in truth he decided to enter the war to save the life of his ill fiance. Knight’s fighting style blends straight-up direct combat, and subterfuge based war tactics, with his deck emphasizing this by providing him with both weapons and special abilities that optimize getting the drop on his foes. Hmm... themed after a bat, a knight, and mixing close combat with dark and spooky tactics. Now where have I seen THAT before?

Masashi Shido: Kamen Rider Scissors, a Dark Rider, and the contractor of the Crab-Type Mirror Monster, Volcancer. A corrupt cop and detective, Scissors took bribes and cuts in illegal dealings, and used his Mirror Monster to liberally dispose of witnesses as he pleased. He ultimately died when his contract was destroyed and Volcancer turned on him. Despite his practices necessitating subterfuge, Scissors’ fighting style is rather extravagant, emulating that of a gladiator, with his deck providing cards that mix heavy combat with putting his enemy into an unfavorable situation to seal the deal, fitting for a backstabber.

Shuichi Kitaoka: Kamen Rider Zolga, one of the neutral and later heroic elements in the war, and the bearer of the contract for the Minotaur-Type Mirror Monster, Magnugigas, a colossal bio-mechanical behemoth. A shady lawyer with a lot of wealth, Zolga was diagnosed with fatal cancer, and desired to become immortal to continue living his lifestyle forever. While initially uncaring and selfish, he ultimately came to see the value in others, and lamented all the criminals that walked free due to his actions, hoping Ryuki would win. Cunning, intellegent, and crafty, Zolga’s fighting style favors both heavy defense and massive firepower, burying an enemy in a storm of blasts while he hunkers down, with his deck further emphasizing this with a bevy of long-distance combat cards and barriers.

Miyuki Tezuka: Kamen Rider Raia, a fortune-teller beyond compare, he enters the war to save lives and honor his deceased friend, and bears the contract of the Stingray-Type Mirror Monster, Evildiver. Raia’s fighting style places heavy importance on movement, offering cards that can offer him superior movement, and uses a whip as his principle weapon.

Jun Shibaura: Kamen Rider Gai, an utterly selfish and monstrous beast of a man, he wields the contract of the Rhino-Type Mirror Monster, Metalgelas. A prodigy of computers and gaming, Gai sees the death match that is the Rider War as nothing more than a game, and the fighters as players he can wipe out at his leisure. Gai’s fighting style is a straight up rush of overwhelming force, with his cards emphasizing interfering with his opponent’s options to force them to fight him directly and his brutal power of himself and his Contract Monster gives him an edge.

Takeshi Asakura: Kamen Rider Ouja, and the main Dark Rider of the series, holder of the contract for the Snake-Type Mirror Monster, Venosnaker. A sadistic monster to his core, Takeshi killed his own family as a child, and left a bloody trail in his wake for years, remorselessly cutting down anyone who falls in his path in his bloodlust. Despite his seemingly simple minded nature, Ouja is immensely cunning, favoring a sadistic fighting style that emphasizes causing as much pain to his enemy as he can before they die at his hands, and he is far from afraid to get his hands dirty. Ironically, Ouja has one of the weaker decks in the war, bearing limited options to fight with, Ouja thrives due to his sheer brutality, fighting ability, and utter ruthlessness. “Fun” fact, unlike the other Riders, Takeshi never realized that a wish was up for grabs, he was just having a good time! When he finally learned that the winner got a wish, he decided his wish would be to have ANOTHER Rider War, so he could kill another pack of warriors! Ouja’s deck does have two solid advantages over the other riders; Ouja possesses extra Contract Cards, meaning he can add other Mirror Monsters and their powers to his deck, ultimately deciding to save them to take the Mirror Monsters of the Riders he kills, with his other big trick his Unite Card, which allowed him to COMBINE his Mirror Monsters into the horrifying Chimera-Type Mirror Monster, Genocider (ain’t that a name).

Odin: Kamen Rider Odin, a Rider not designated Dark only due to the fact he doesn’t have enough of a mind to be one, and wielder of the Phoenix-Type Mirror Monster as his Contract, Goldphoenix. Odin is unusual, in that he is essentially a puppet, a brainwashed shell that acts as Shiro’s representative in the war that occupies whatever body Shiro gives the Contract to. Out of all the Riders, Odin has the greatest immediate strength, allowing him to overwhelm just about anything in ideal situations, and if things go wrong, Odin (along with Shiro) can REWIND TIME to reset the war until Shiro gets the outcome he wants, only giving up when he accepts that he won’t be able to bring his sister back.

Satoru Tojo: Kamen Rider Tiger, a man who wants to be a hero, and wields the power of the Tiger-Type Mirror Monster, Destwilder. Tiger is a broken individual, lacking a LOT of basic understanding in regards to people, he wavers between good and evil in his desire to be a hero due to his incomprehension of what it means to be heroic, ultimately becoming a hero when he selflessly sacrificed his life to save a father and son about to be hit by an oncoming truck, finally realizing what it truly meant to be a human in his last moments. A highly inexperienced fighter, Tiger often lost, which didn’t help his instability, forcing himself to rely on ambushes to win, his deck favored close-range melee and offered him support in the form of ice attacks.

Mitsuru Sano: Kamen Rider Imperer, a self-styled mercenary rider, and wielder of the multi-type contract allowing him to command the power of the Gazelle-Type Mirror Monsters, with Gigazelle serving as the leader of his horde. Imperer was raised to believe that wealth was what was most important in life, completely missing the fact that his idea to be a mercenary in the Rider War was impossible as all but one of the contestants must die for it to complete and you cannot quit either. After falling in love, Mitsuru seemed to be realizing that there is more to life than money, he tragically died before he could act on his new views, trapped in the Mirror World, reaching out to the image of his love, screaming in fear. Imperer’s fighting style makes use of boxing, and bum-rushing his enemies with his massive swarm of Contract Monsters.

And, because I am starting to grow tired and this is REALLY LONG, I am gonna finish this later today before I burn out.

[welcome-to-the-cafe]

SHANG-CHI (2021) Review Pt. 1

Woooo I admit I was more hyped for this film than I had any right to be. Hyped and nervous. This was the media piece that had the potential to be the first "good" piece of Asian-American representation in a long time. It seemed things were falling in place: they got a Chinese-American dude to play the lead. They got a Chinese acting legend to play the villain. Asian-American women for strong supporting roles. They had an Asian-American director. Loads of Asian stunt actors and coordinators. Asian-American musicians for the soundtrack. But still...

I was nervous because of the narrative arc I glossed from the trailers. I expected it to be another american-child-beats-traditionalist-parent story, where the new American experience conflicts with and overcomes the evil (and weird) native heritage. It seemed that's what Shang-Chi, the American boy, would do to his ancient Chinese father. I was very glad that was not the case.

The relationship between Shang-Chi and Wenwu, and the two of them to Shang-Chi's mother, is the central component of the movie, and I was glad it was well written and acted to be very compelling. I greatly enjoyed the two parallel internal conflicts, though I have issue with how they were resolved. Wenwu was a ruthless immortal warlord, but gave it up for the wife, cuz that's the power of love baybeeee. Unfortunately, is past beefs catch up to him and his family, and return him to his old ways...but not completely I think, because now, he loves his son. And Shang-Chi, despite being trained into living weapon, loves him back, though hates him for making him kill. Their fight at the climax is a culmination of their sadness and rage, using the more violent style (Shaolin I think?). Wenwu is a master of this style, and so overcomes his son with it and nearly kills him. This is completely counter to Wenwu's goal of reuniting the family, really showing how far he's gone. Shang-Chi ultimately uses his mother's Tai Chi-based style to defeat his father, and spares him, telling Wenwu to let go and accept his wife's death. *Chef's kiss* delicious, and nearly perfect.

And then comes the dumb CGI monster ...

I actually like that the Ten Rings are directly tied to the evil supernatural monster, and that the monster manipulates Wenwu with his grief. However, I don't like that the monster's physical form is Western-style giant ugly bat thing. Actually I don't like that the monster has a physical form at all. I think it should've been some evil spirit that takes the form of the mom, and then possesses Wenwu via the Ten Rings. Possessed Wenwu and Shang-Chi would then duke it out...ok that would be a detailed rewrite, I will stick with a review. The big CGI monster was dumb. The smaller CGI monsters were also dumb. And the dragon...ok I think the dragon was dumb too. There were a lot better ways to "revive" Shang-Chi after getting beat up initially. It had no character, and no big plot connection. The climax should've been purely emotional kungfu, not a messy CGI hurricane.

Now onto the secondary characters.

I think Xialing and Shang-Chi's relationship was powerful and weighty, but wasn't given enough time, and wasn't resolved that great. Being on a flying dragon and "letting go", is not nearly the same as abandoning her for 10 years. They needed a real heart-to-heart, where they practice kung fu together. In addition, Xialing should've been there to confront Wenwu; after all, he is her dad also. And Wenwu should've acknowledged her too, after shunning her for so long. Damn!

Katy was...funny but she felt more and more extraneous as the movie went on, mostly serving to provide funny reactions. The old lady telling her to "aim for one thing" as a resolution to her main internal issue (fear of failure), felt cheap, like a checked box. Can't we leave that for the next movie? She did give us some of the funniest and relatable bits as a Chinese-American, such as when Ronnie Chieng said "Oh I don't worry I speak ABC", or when Wenwu assumed the warm-but-stern-friends-dad role to her, or the pronunciation struggle on the plane. She didn't have much role in Shang-Chi's character arc, except for serving as the audience for Shang-Chi to reveal his big secret to.

Ok I'm getting really bothered by "Shang-Chi" with the dash and double capital letters. The other characters all use pinyin format, and it's just weird for Shang-Chi to remain in the archaic romanization. Which is...a bit emblematic. Hm...

My main complaint for Ying Li (the mom) was she seemed too...angelic. Her scene with the young Shang-Chi seemed like something out of a mainland Chinese television commercial. But maybe it's appropriate, since she's dead, and that's how everyone remembers her? The way she died, face-up, no visible injuries, with a still-spotless white wushu uniform, was kinda...funny almost. The situation of a bunch of normally dressed gang members strolling into a mansion garden, fighting a wushu-garbed woman...also kinda funny. Her chemistry with Wenwu though, damn. That was some classic kungfu flirting.

Razorfist was funny. "That's my car!", him getting his life saved and accepting truce, him taking the blade off of a dragon-scale sword, all good moments. I'll allow him as the token diversity.

Oh I nearly forgot about Trevor Slattery. Yeah I'll allow him too, he and Morris were unobtrusively funny.

Death Dealer was done dirty. Such a cool design, and he's the first to die pathetically to the gross tentacle bats.

A dumb thing: I actually thought Michelle Yeoh would be the aged-up Fala Chen, because from the trailers I was under the impression Yeoh would be Shang-Chi's mom. Of her character, I liked her important role in helping Shang-Chi connect with his mom's memory, but I feel she should've been introduced earlier.

That's it for the story and character notes. Second Part will be about the meta stuff, like representation, orientalism, casting, etc.

[baebeyza]

TFP rant: Ultra Magnus and why he felt so boring and forgetful to me

Anyone who follows me for some time knows that Ultra Magnus is one of my favourite characters in the Transformers Franchise, second only to Megatron.

However, none of this fondness for the character came from TFP, sadly. It was my first show and I still love it!

And blaming his overall screentime was my reasoning for this. TFP has 60+ episodes and he only appeared in maybe 12 of them.

But tbh, you can’t blame this on the screentime, because there are characters that have just as much screentime as him, but managed to be far more interesting and memorable!

Which ones? TFP Shockwave and BW Depth Charge

Let’s start with Depth Charge under the cut ~

Depth Charge has his debut in season 3 episode 2 of Beast Wars, a show with 52 episodes, the third season having 13.

But right from the gate Depth Charge is engaging, why?

Just his opening line is kinda brilliant xD Maximal computer: “This place has been deemed forbidden by the council.” Depth Charge: “Fuck the council.” (not literally, but you get the point)

I know that’s my bad guy loving sensors acting up, but this does make him interesting! Because he’s a good guy, but he doesn’t seem like one at first glance! 

He hates authority, he’s a loner, he has a really manacing aura around him and he’s here for ~ REVENGE ~

Two minutes of this guy and we already know some stuff about him that is interesting and piques the viewers curiosity.

And then there is another factor - Who does he wanna take revenge on?

The answer is Rampage, a character the audience already knows!

Rampage appeared in season 2, and in his debut episode we learn that he is a failed experiment and immortal killing machine who had to be locked in stasis because of how much mayhem and death he caused. 

And that is why Depth Charge is after him! And that’s why the audience cares!

Depth Charge is connected to something already established in the show, something that the audience cares for!

Depth Charge’s debut episode is also that - his debut! It is devoted to explain him and his dynamic and history with Rampage and it does a perfect job at establishing tboth.

Depth Charge saves Cheetor from drowing at the beginning of the episode to show that he belongs to team good guy, but he isn’t exactly nice about it - shows character!

Then we have his beef with Rampage, and Rampage himself gets to be characterized as well by being happy about Depth Charge being here to hunt him down, he enjoys their fighting. (a unique dynamic he doesn’t have with anyone else)

Last but not least, the episode also shows us Depth Charge’s dynamic with Optimus, that they used to be friends up until the whole Rampage shit happened and that Depth Charge used to be completely different as well. 

Optimus wants Depth Charge to join the team, but Depth Charge tells him to fuck himself (not literally, but still)

And that’s all about his first episode, his story with Rampage keeps going, he drives that conflict, but also starts conflict with the Maximals because of it, his scenes with Optimus were few, but they had weight behind them because of their conflict. 

Like fucking hell, spoiler, but in no other show did I see Optimus getting so fucking pissed at one of his comrades to the point that he threatened them with violence! And that was not Optimus being unreasonable, it was all Depth Charge being an ass, a consistent ass whose motivations we understand!

Compare this to Ultra Magnus - his first scene established two points:

1. he Optimus’ second in command

2. He’s strict and militaristic

And that second point is his entire fucking character in this show! And the first point doesn’t even come up that much! 

How did my little brother put it? 

“He was just there to be the mean boss no one liked.”

Okay, let’s talk about what Depth Charge had that Ultra Magnus had not:

1. An episode to explore his motivations

Ultra Magnus doesn’t have an episode all to himself to explain what his deal os. That’s because he doesn’t have any deal, he’s just on Earth to support the team and that’s where it ends. 

2. Connection to something already in the show

He was Optimus’ second in command, but the dynamic between them isn’t any different then the dynamic Optimus has with any other autobot. This isn’t like Rampage and Depth Charge where you instantly get hooked into their hatred, or Depth Charge and Optimus, where you get a feeling about their current and past dynamic. 

Ultra Magnus is in charge during missions and that’s where it ends

3. Driving conflict

Now, Ultra Magnus does have conflict with Wheeljack and the overall autobot dynamic. HOWEVER, with the Wheeljack thing it’s Wheeljack who drives the conflict. Ultra Magnus is just being himself, it’s Wheeljack who has a problem. Ultra Magnus doesn’t learn anything here and I have to say that the conflict itself is almost the same one Wheeljack had with Optimus the season before so- it wasn’t interesting to me. 

And the thing with the autobot dynamic - Ultra Magnus is all about holding up order and rules, but that makes no one appreciate him, why? Because the Autobots on Earth arent a military unit, they are ~ family ~ And Ultra Magnus has to learn that.

Now ignoring the fact that they never feel like a family to me (more like people in a long-ass group project), Ultra Magnus doesn’t learn this shit. 

He gets his hand destroyed and then Optimus tells him what a family is and that’s it. 

There was no real conflict in this either, Ultra Magnus was just a little sad that people didn’t appreciate him. They weren’t even mean to him or anything.

And when the conflict was resolved, no one cared about it either, it was really just Ultra Magnus getting a new hand and Optimus saying “we are family :)” and that was it. His dynamic didn’t get deeper with anyone.

Nothing heartfelt, nothing intense, nothing interesting!

And it’s a shame, because I would have loved to see some good Ultra Magnus&Optimus dynamic in this!

Know who had a great interesting dynamic? Shockwave! With Starscream!

Now we get to Shockwave, a character who has almost as much screentime as Ultra Magnus, but manages to be so much more interesting and compelling ~

How? Let me walk you through these same points again:

1. An episode to explain his motivations

Gotta admit, Shockwave doesn’t have an episode to just himself either. What he does have, however, is a motivation: Space jurassic park!

The whole plot of season 3 is because Shockwave decided to clone some motherfucking dragons and just for that he’s memorable! What plot did Ultra Magnus bring to the table, huh?

2. Connection to something already in the show

Now Shockwave does use a little cheat, because he appeared in a flashback in season 2. But regardless, it did give him a connection to our favourite stiletto-wearer, Starscream. I mean, the scene in which Shockwave appears in season 3 has Starscream being like “oh fuck shit no-” and that alone makes Shockwave compelling - He is here to start some beef with Starscream!

And they do have beef! Interesting and awesome drama, yay! 

That’s what we’re here for! 

Right onto point 3, conflict!

He has this whole “daddy loves me more than you” dynamic with Starscream and it’s hilarious to watch! Starscream is also not having a good time and the cause is Shockwave actively working on making Megatron a happy little evil lord. Let’s not forget that two times Shockwave was ready to obliterate Starscream!

See, this is what I mean!

Something exciting and compelling!

Depth Charge and Shockwave manage to bring something exciting, interesting and fun to watch into their shows.

Ultra Magnus does not: He doesn’t actively do anything that makes Wheeljack dislike him, he doesn’t learn anything, he doesn’t have an interesting dynamic with his boss with whom he should have one and overall, he also doesn’t have much of a  personality.

Shockwave doesn’t have one either, but his one character trait of being logical all the time at least features into the story in two very intense scenes.

As long as a characteristic brings something to the story, it doesn’t matter how few a character has. 

But Ultra Magnus’ strictness doesn’t have that kind of effect in the show.  

And that why I found him boring.

Sooo, hope you liked my rant, if you disagree feel free to tell me ~ :D

[rockhopsblog]

Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN-- A New Hip Hop Legend

Whether tall tale, truth, or somewhere in between, 13 time Grammy Award winning rapper/songwriter Kendrick Lamar Duckworth’s rise to immortality is nothing short of a cosmic wonder. To go back to the beginning, let’s first take a look at his most recent solo project, 2017’s Album of the Year nominee and Best Rap Album winner “Damn”. The very last track of the album, “Duckworth”, tells of a saga that took place during the rapper’s infancy. The mythic-like storytelling follows the journey of his father, mother, and what would one day become the owner of the record label that propelled Kendrick into stardom. Kendrick’s father, “Ducky” supposedly worked at a chicken fast food restaurant, which “Top Dawg” Anthony Tiffith, proprietor of Top Dawg Entertainment, frequented. Tiffith was a notorious gangster on the block who aspired to be the first one from his neighborhood to reach the life of luxury. Tiffith went on to plan and subsequently rob the chicken place Ducky worked at, but spared his life because he had always given him an extra biscuit with his meals. Because of this decision, Kendrick grew up with his father around, helping to keep him out of the L.A. gang wars and keeping Tiffith out of prison so he could go on to found a record label. Things obviously could have gone very differently, but they didn’t. As Kendrick himself puts it: “Whoever thought the greatest rapper would be from coincidence? Because if Anthony killed Ducky, Top Dawg could be serving life, While I grew up without a father and die in a gunfight”.

Growing up in Compton, CA and making it out to be a success is no small feat. Throughout the years, one of Kendrick’s closest collaborators has been a rapper/blood gang member, Jay Rock, who too came from the neighborhood that Kendrick grew up in. Also a close friend of theirs- Schoolboy Q, a crip. Kendrick Lamar has been on the forefront of using his voice to unify people involved in gang violence and deterring those who may later fall into it. In 2015, Kendrick designed and released his signature shoe with Nike, aimed at the unification of people divided by the lifestyle that many of his friends and family became victims of during the tribulations of his youth. In 2007, a friend of Lamar’s called “DT” was gunned down by police for reportedly posing a threat, an event which seemed to Kendrick was all too common in his life. The silver lining, however, seems to be that there’s no shortage of the tales in Kendrick Lamar’s rap repertoire to depict the dangers and deeper meanings about the reality of gang activity, giving those steeped in that side of life hope for betterment and success. 

In the early stages of Kendrick’s career, he was selected to be in one of the first XXL freshmen, an annual group of rappers recognized by the hip hop publication as up and coming artists. XXL’s freshman freestyles were new at the time, and Kendrick Lamar’s verse in the cypher was prominently featured online and the cypher itself is often looked back on as a classic among those available on YouTube. Those who initially viewed the freestyle session may have come looking for other, better known rappers, only to find themselves stumbling upon the discovery of a young Kendrick Lamar. Around this same time, he released his first official single, “HiiiPoWeR”, which was produced by the now prolific J. Cole. These two, in their own rights, have become widely regarded as today’s best hip hop lyricists for their hard hitting and meaningful bars. Rubbing elbows too with Kendrick was the now superstar pop sensation and rapper, Drake. Drake, a Toronto rapper, has helped launch several careers through featuring on their music because of his viral popularity. When Drake and Kendrick collaborated on Kendrick Lamar’s “Good Kid M.A.A.D. City”, Drake’s career was still in its early stages, but their song together certainly helped garner a mainstream appeal for the release at the time. All in all, it is clear to anyone doing some digging that not only did Kendrick work hard at refining his craft to become prolific, but that he was also met with great fortune in making the correct moves early on in his career to find the notoriety that he now enjoys. 

Fueled by artists such as Tupac Shakur, Ice Cube, Kurupt and Eminem, Lamar has carried the torch forward from the 90s into the modern age of rap. During the famed “California Love” music video shoot featuring Dr. Dre and Tupac, Kendrick has claimed a small piece of hip hop legend by saying he was present in Compton, on the scene for the shoot. As a child, seeing such an idol and icon propelled his drive to follow in the footsteps of the greats of yesterday. In 2015, Kendrick sat down for an interview with the group N.W.A. who’ve had such classics as “Straight Outta Compton” and “Express Yourself”. In the conversation, Lamar said: “anything that I do, it always comes from what y’all done, I wanna get y’all take on my generation today and what we have as far as music”. In response, DJ Ren retorted “I like a few, I like you”. The metaphorical hand-off is evident, from O.G. approval to the strong impact in waves that Lamar has been able to produce from just four major label solo albums. From Anderson .Paak to Roddy Ricch, Kendrick has set out and proved more than he’d ever dreamed of.

Currently, Lamar has two triple platinum records as well as one platinum record which was maybe the most adventurous and critically acclaimed album, not only of his career, but of that decade. Rolling Stone magazine journalist Greg Tate called “To Pimp a Butterfly” a “masterpiece of fiery outrage, deep jazz and ruthless self-critique”.With songs like “The Blacker the Berry” and “Hood Politics”, the fabric of TPAB was woven to reflect the attitudes of a movement of racial justice and equality in a time of great struggle and oppression. Aside from exposing the brutalities of life as a black man in the United States, Lamar also presented the album as a platform to uplift and celebrate the accomplishments and great artistic devotions of black people from around the world. Many consider this album to be Kendrick Lamar’s magnum opus. He has shown that his work has staying power, and that his albums stand out among the formulaic pop-trap that reigns supreme on the radio. Perhaps TPAB has gone the farthest out of any other thing to help cement him as the king of hip hop and the greatest rapper of the generation. 

With a back catalogue so insanely successful you’d expect Mr. Kendrick Lamar to be universally beloved, right? Well, not so fast. No inspection of Lamar’s career would be complete without the mention of his ground-breaking verse on the song “Control” by Big Sean. Kendrick decided to seize the moment coming off of his first platinum album by going after 11 of the biggest names in rap at the time, including: J. Cole, Meek Mill, Drake, Big KRIT, Wale, Pusha T, ASAP Rocky, Tyler The Creator, and Mac Miller. Many interpreted his lyrics in which he called out these artists to be a diss, but we now know that it was, in fact, Lamar’s intent to light a flame under these artists to create higher art. The people named on the verse were people Kendrick truly believed had the potential to create truly classic works, and his bar “I got love for you all but I'm tryin' to murder you” was aimed at them because of the intention to hype them up to work harder and realize that they weren’t inherently owed the popularity bestowed to them. The so-called “Control verse” made such a splash that even rappers who weren’t even named in the song made counter-disses to the single verse in the form of an entire song. Most notable out of these songs were Joe Budden’s “Lost Control”, Joey B4Da$$’s “Killuminati Pt. 2”, and Lupe Fiasco’s “SLR 2”. Despite the negativity spawned from this verse aimed to do good in the hip hop community, Kendrick Lamar’s twitter saw a 510% increase in followers just days after the dropping of the single. If there even was any “beef” to be had regarding this song, it is clear who the real winner was.

From the president of the United States claiming his favorite song was a Kendrick Lamar song at one point, to winning a Pulitzer Prize for 2017’s “DAMN”, the mile-high accolades of Kendrick seem almost too good to be true. However, of all accomplishments, perhaps his greatest is his influence on music. Not only has he single handedly put on several label-mates to the mainstream, but he has risen the bar of what it means to write a good rap song in this day and age. Not content with people who churn out 30 song albums as a money grab, Kendrick has shown that effort is important, that careful construction of art is important. Lamar has also been credited as reviving the importance of the hip-hop music video. It is clear during a listening session on Spotify or YouTube that so many troves of artists, young and old, are attempting to emanate the same X factor that Kendrick Lamar Duckworth has been so highly praised for, and rightfully so.