#i have a lot to say about all of this but im afraid that i have harassed everyone enough about s4m. in this way.
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so this is based on my ramble in the byler discord but im gonna try and compress it into something readable n shit
So in the recent panel with my king Finn Wolfhard, my boy dropped a hint. A very important hint.
"The differences? Mike's a lot more brave than me. I don't think I'd be out there in a different dimension trying to save my friend and be in gunfights and stuff like that. Yeah he's way more brave than I could ever be."
A different dimension??
So Mike is going to the UD in S5. Im very unsurprised and im sure you are as well but lets fuckin talk about it bc holy fuck.
So I know this is the byler community but listen to me when i say, hold my hand and look me in the eyes when i say, I highly doubt that this friend Finn is talking about is Will. ESPECIALLY if byler is canon. Finn is very media trained and you can read legit anything he has ever said about the show and know how good he is about keeping secrets. If this friend was will we wouldn't have mentioned it. It's too close to the danger zone. He would have said something like 'i dont think i'd be out there fighting monsters and risking my life' or something like that. Which is much more vague and can apply to all seasons.
My theory is that this friend is max. CALL ME CRAZY. it could be anyone and I dont have exact reasoning on why its Max other than the fact that shes the only friend actively in danger rn and i adore madwheeler friendship with my heart and soul. But imo its def not Will and its not El.
Now if you go through the main characters there are only (if my memory is correct) 3 characters who havent been to the UD yet.
Lucas, Jonathan and Mike.
Other Characters:
El- Season 1 during the school battle (possibly sooner in the lab idk)
Will- all of s1 duh
dustin- season 4 with eddie
max - season 4 when she was vecna'd
nancy- season 1 in the forest or in s4 with robin and steve to kill vecna
steve- watergate and with nancy and robin
robin - season 4 with nancy and steve
hopper- im p sure hes been more than once but season 1 to find will
joyce- same thing i think shes been more than once but to find will in s1
So Lucas, Jonathan and Mike.
What do these 3 characters all have in common.
They are all a part of one of the main relationships that had issues in season 4. And what are these problems? Lets assess.
Jonathan is stressed because he doesnt want to go to the same school as nancy. He wants to tell her but he knows that she'll give up what she wants to be with him. He doesnt want to hold her back. Nancy feels shut out and afraid that Jonathan doesnt love her anymore. She wants to be together but she doesnt want to put Jonathan in a situation where he has to choose something over something else. They are having issues communicating.
Lucas is stressed about max because he wants to be there for her. Max is shutting him out due to the fact that she feels unworthy of his love or because she is scared of getting hurt and attached to someone. Lucas is hurt because he feels max doesn't trust him. They are having issues communicating.
Mike is stressed about about two people. El and Will. And for this brief moment we're going to look at this in a non byler pov. Mike is stressed about El because he doesn't know what she wants. He wants them to be happy but they aren't and he's not sure how to fix that. He also doesnt ask. Communication issue. Mike is stressed about Will because they aren't talking the way they used too. They dont tell each other anything anymore. They've drifted and Mike doesn't know what's going on anymore. Communication issue.
Interesting.
Thoughout the series the UD has been used as a symbol of all the hard things. Depending on what theories you believe (*cough* lonnie *cough*) this can have more or less meaning but lets assess how going to the UD has affected two of these relationships so far.
Jancy-
Jancy in season one was very tense. they were not friends for a good part of the season. They had constant issues with each other and fought a lot. Then barb goes missing. Will goes missing. They go to the forest in an attempt to figure it out. And Nancy ends up in the UD. Her going into the UD and making it out alive is the catalyst for her and Jonathan to get past their differences, to see each other for who they are and to put their pride aside enough to work together and appreciate the other as a fellow person.
Lumax-
Lumax had a lot of issues with communication and not being able to understand each other in the beginning of s4. They couldn't see eye to eye no matter what lucas did and max was very shut out. Then Max get's vecna'd and comes back. And then lumax finds the strength to communicate for the first time in the season, to see where the other is coming from and allow the other to be there for them.
So what does this mean for Mike. Well, both nancy and max had something that they we're struggling to overcome. A fear that they couldn't escape. Nancy's was barb and Max's was billy. Jonathan and lucas both have something they are afraid to express. Jonathan's is that he wants something diff than nancy and Lucas is that he wants to be there for her but doesnt want to intrude. All of these characters were pushed to solving these issues because of the Upside down (well jancy's recent issue hasn't been solved yet but ykwim).
Mike is going to go to the UD. Which is going to push him into a state of giving in on holding back his feelings. He's going to have to overcome something
El wants to be together, to be happy.
Will is afraid of his feelings, afraid of letting himself want what he wants and being hurt. He feels unworthy of love.
And Mike doesnt want what El wants. Mike loves Will but he is afraid of intruding.
So anyways thats why mike going to the UD means internalized homophobia thanks for coming to my ted talk i'd love to hear yalls ideas :D
#byler#stranger things#stranger things 5#st5#stranger things 5 speculation#st5 speculation#st5 theory#finn wolfhard
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.
On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.
#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized#to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was#i have to say#i genuinely love it here#i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing#thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me#i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6#probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women#instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women#my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep#or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant#theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao#bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes#and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine#but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh#theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times#and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake#maybe im just jaded lmao#im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario#the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in#ff6#my post#i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults#but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults#who bully each other and younger fans#and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger#maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao#also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot
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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
#phantom hourglass#linebeck#loz#legend of zelda#salty talks#imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger#and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me#that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything#otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife#and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything#the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him#but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up#the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it#everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out#it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this#for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something#will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this#anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him#when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust#i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving#he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often#tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters#his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the#actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)
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the writers putting a song with lyrics like ‘i don’t know where i belong’, ‘if i make it home when our worlds collide’, ‘help me find my way ‘cause i’ve been feeling so lost and afraid’, etc in the background of the scene where theo makes it clear liam has voluntarily chosen to ask for his help and starts offering insight into liam’s emotions— specifically his anger and how it’s really just a manifestation of fear— is so crazy like. you paired a song literally called NOBODY KNOWS with a conversation about how they feel and how liam wanted theo to be the person who came with him when he was worried about getting out of control. but i wasn’t supposed to read into any homoerotic subtext. oh Okay.
#i think ab this song choice all the time im sorry 😭 its just so. WHAT#‘help me find my way’…. theo saying ‘you made the plan. you wanted me to help’…#‘ive been feeling so lost and afraid’… theo pointing out that liam gets angry when hes afraid…#but if i say something about how liam not knowing where he belongs is a feeling that in part comes from being ashamed of his anger because +#he views it as a darkness/flaw that he worries disappoints the others when he doesn’t have it under control#LISTEN TO ME!!!!!#liam has felt that way about his anger for a Lot longer than hes been a werewolf we see this in s4 !#i could go on but . some other time#thiam#theo x liam#theo/liam#theo raeken x liam dunbar#theo raeken/liam dunbar#6.16 triggers
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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.
#the secret to making friends is to let yourself annoy them#this is a joke but im also being completely serious#all my life I've been too apprehensive to make the first move because im always afraid of being bothersome#but looking back at the friendships through the past 4years at uni... im so lucky that a lot of people didn't worry about bothering me#and decided to come up and initiate conversation anyway#and also. whenever anyone has 'bothered me' by asking about me or wanting to know more... I have only felt loved and special...#so i guess what im trying to say is that#cringe culture is dead and theres nothing cool about prioritizing how you appear over the potential of a real bond#and I was born to be persistent and curious#so yeah. now that my graduate program will start in a couple months and there are opportunities to get acquainted with my classmates#I reach out to people with no attempt to hide my enthusiasm in getting to know them.#I double/triple text a lot and annoy them (affectionate) like i do my bffs and its incredible how 9/10 reciprocate that energy so quick#and despite the cultural differences and minor mistranslations/miscommunications we still manage to find common interests to discuss about#and it's like '!!!!!!! we're besties now'#yeah sure sometimes people might get a bit uncomfy and by the second message if i feel like I'm disturbing them I back off#but i won't know that until i reach out in the first place. so all in all this has worked really well for me and i love itttt#megumi in the tags
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Now this might be because I have issues but is it just me or does Slay The Princess feel like an allegory for a relationship?
#like i dont even mean the actual textual stuff like the two gods loving each other i mean like#while the narrator himself does say that he is not the protagonist at all the voices do in fact count him as one of them and#both the narrator and the voices are described as shattered glass pieces on the floor#and im saying that just to contextualise what im about to say because i feel like the narrator is an echo of someone who was in#a relationship with another person and is trying to 'slay' the memory of this person and defeat death not only literally but#on a metaphorical level (as in the death of a relationship). if you do slay her you destroy her memory and in that way you do not know her#at all nor do you care to#and the routes would be the perspectives held by different parts of you. shes literally a being that changes based on who perceives her#but metaphorically thats just how people work isnt it? relationships are complicated and there is a part of you who sees someone as a razor#and there is a part of you who sees them as a damsel and another who sees them as a god etc etc#its like youre a person who is trying to make sense of the situation and; which is why the construct of the princess is made up of#several vessels called perspectives. you understand the whole of what you think only when you take apart all your perspectives;#and theres a you who isnt you anymore who doesnt want to do this. hes telling you to just destroy it. it was wholly wretched and wholly bad#and it changed which is a crime in itself. theres an echo of you. and theres you; built by this echo because thats how the self works#we are each our own god and we build ourselves. the different voices are like different parts of you#much like the vessels are the equivalent of the voices. theyre the finite confined perspectives; aspects of a whole person#and slaying her in this context would obviously mean literally just destroying the memory and deciding that change and all it brings#is an awful thing. though im not yet sure what the difference between leaving with the whole and between separating yourself#and leaving with just an aspect would be.#thats probably like the only thing thats kinda ruining this interpretation lol#oh and obviously a lot of the routes have like very strong relationship symbolism. specifically a lot of them feel like#scenes from a relationship that is falling apart. for example in the adversary and then the fury when you run away the dialogue#basically mimics a partner running away from a conflict and the other one destroying themselves because of it#witch and the thorn are both heavily Esop-coded and the text itself says that its about two people hurting each other even though they love#each other but both are afraid of the other one and of being vulnerable. thorn is about finding forgiveness in one another#and deciding to be better and love each other despite the hurt youve caused each other due to your problems#etc etc#like am i insane am i mental am i projecting?
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Hi btw I've never been sicker
#IN THE END CREDITS.#THE FUCKING FLOWER HES HOLDING IS STARTING TO GROW AGAIN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME???? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS????????#HE DIDNT RECOGNIZE THE FLOWER THE FIRST TIME EITHER. IT TOOK A SECOND FOR IT TO COME BACK URGHSHSJSOLWLSJFMSKXN#HE. URGHHHHGHJSISOSHEKDIFNSKDN#im happy for him#he thought he destroyed them all. he was like flower kid once. its growing back. hes happy. hes getting to be happy#I HATE THIS GAME SO MUCH ITS KILLING ME (I LOVE IT SO BAD THAT I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO BLOW UP)#EXPLODES#i have a lot to say about all of this but im afraid that i have harassed everyone enough about s4m. in this way.#i WILL be rbing a lot of fanart now#THE WHOLE LOSS OF INNOCENCE THING THE PAPER GUY MENTIONED WITH HABIT'S FLOWER BEING HURT#AND THATS WHEN HE LOST HIS 'PERFECT SMILE.“ AND NOW THE FLOWER IS GROWING. HES STARTING TO BE HAPPY AGAIN#AND ITS IMPORTANT TO ME THAT ITS A *NEW* FLOWER. ITS NOT THE SAME FLOWER THAT IT WAS BUT ITS A NEW ONE#and its just starting to sprout and im going to be so ill. SOOOOO so so ill#I FORGOT THE DEVS RELEASED A LITTLE THING FOR ONE OF THE ANNIVERSARIES OR SOMETHING I HAVE TO FIND IT AGAIN#i “played” it during summer but i dont remember where i found it the first time#when hes talking about those damn seeds hes also talking about a part of himself and ill never ever be over it
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I'm glad the "Satire requires a clarity of purpose and target lest it be mistaken for and contribute to that which it intends to criticize" meme is getting critiqued in its usage because... While the sentiment itself is absolutely true... I feel like sometimes, perhaps, it's not a work of fiction's fault that you're personally bad at picking up on satire
#im thinking about how i saw a person say futurama is bad because bad things still exist in the future#and its like. thats the point though?#the joke is literally the idea that if we never learn and grow from these problems as a society these are the hyperbolic extremes#that they would come to etc etc#do i think it was all well handled? probably not. it had a 14 year run im sure it fumbled lots of stuff and has shit that doesnt hold up#but i feel like dismissing it entirely based on just-#''but bad stuff happens. and i want the future to be better so this bums me out'' is just dumb LOL like thats literally the point#theyre taking the problems of today and making them into crazy hyperbolic extremes to mock them THATS WHAT SATIRE IS#there is a clarity of purpose youre just bad at picking up on it. NIXON WAS THE FUCKING PRESIDENT IN THAT SHOW FOR CHRIST SAKE#WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK ''AMERICA'S FAVORITE SUICIDE BOOTH SINCE ****2008****'' COULD MEAN?#idk. this site is bad media literacy r us why take it seriously. but i am. bc its frustrating#bc that quote on its own is sooooo good at explaining why some ''satire'' is bad and doesnt work#but ppl who dont know how to engage w media beyond a surface level have taken it and turned it into like#''this is bad bc i didnt get it'' ok. sounds like a you problem.#but posting this is scary bc im afraid itll be used for the other extreme .-.
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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks
#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here#i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly#not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO#but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it#feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website#but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth#genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff#then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time#and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello#but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why#and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job#and none of those things really apply to me#i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat#i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement#im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn#also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother#thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation#i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT#I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man#i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better#idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece#i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count#but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and#participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat#so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life#i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now#thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing#and not break my fucking ankles
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#tfw youre hanging out with friends and u throw out controversial take after controversial take#like its me hi im the hater its me#u wanna hear them? i mean thrm in in like the silliest way possible. its not that serious lol#i hated h4n solo growing up and still do. i dont think i like the writing of ne1l gaim4n and only liked the 1st season of g0od 0mens#i thought the 1st season of 0ur flag was fine and didnt really like the 2nd. i dont think anyone in l0rd of the rings is hot. especially#not 4aragon. leg0las is like whatever. sam is my favorite character. i also didnt like l0rd of the rings when i 1st watched it#the gathering was a watch party for that 1st movie and i like it way more now lol. also i dont like overt romance. i like the implication#of romance. if u kiss onscreen im like 99% of thr time not interested. also while im being a hater. i dont thibk steven king is a good#writer and domt like his books. i like the idea of them. wish they were written by anyone else lol. also im too dyslex1c to read physical#books :-( which no one vibes with bc everyone's a grad student overachiever lol. and back to back it all sounds like im trying to b#contrary but i promise its maybe just that i have weird standards. like i also hated movies about animals growing up. it made me mad that#those movies were trying to manipulate my feelings. like jesus child chill tf out. i would also randomly decide i hated lots of things and#characters. some of which i stand by today but most of which im like lol chill#so idk maybe i just have bad opinions. i also wander the earth wearing outfits that i pick out bc it feels like im playing dressup#and i have unhinged options abt narut0. sas and naru fall into the 1% of kisses i care abt lmao#and unhinged options abt bleach the show. idk maybe im just kinda weird. i also study organisms that most ppl look at as globs of goo#and i used to study bits of dirt. my brain was just build ever so slightly weird. not too weird. just enough that i have quote unquote#controversial takes ans im not afraid to say them in a room full of ppl who disagree with me bc its really not that serious lol#i dunno i just think its kinda funny i guess#im just slightly weird in the least interesting way possible#unrelated#also i don't yuvk other ppls yum im just like ay not for me i guess
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i know ive talked about this a lot on akira but idk how much ive brought it up here ?! the struggles of talking about all my muses across all my blogs (will not change). but ive been thinking about it again, because akira 1) talks more than gran does 2) is more likely to actually speak up about their/your feelings. not to say gran wont address it, but theyll either be very short about it or show it through actions. motivational speeches is reserved for moments when its expected of them (captain stuff in main story, shieldsworn, etc) <-guy who actually does not like being the center of attention
there are times when they get better at it, depending on situation & ppl involved (vyrn&lyria has special rights, even tho there are times when they dont get to know either (no rain no rainbow....)), as the grandcypher & things theyve been through has them learning to rely on others a lot more. in general theyre rly thankful to have lyria around at most times cuz of how easily she feels for others (as someone who gained the life back in her eyes thanks to katalina!), cuz while theyre very often of the same feelings as her, shes a lot quicker at voicing it.
not very related but, gran, as someone who does know how to fight, is instead a lot quicker at stepping in front of others. ofc akira isnt, theyre Normal (even tho theyre always shown doing exactly that anyway if the situation calls for it/the time they ignore a death threat towards them in order to relay important information), but im mentioning it cuz i think a loooooooot about the times theyve jumped off islands/cliffs just to save ppl (alliah, at least 2 times in grimnirs fate eps alone, bnha..........). also constantly think about the yurius event when yurius goes to sacrifice himself and captain & albert are just wtfffff get OUT of there COME BACK HERE and refusing to leave him. caims 5* uncap........ i truly do think a lot about that moment in paradoxroid where no one goes after owen and akira decides to do it themself likeeee.......and akira who stood in front of owens body to protect him from a unicorn,,,,,,(gesture vaugely) something about the things the varied experience about the things they have in common
#stardust speaking !#the jumpscare i had when captain said some cheesy stuff in canon#when akira says that stuff like all the time#tldr akira is more consistent with dialogue-amount. gran varies a lot depending on situation & topic#emu is..............emu also hides away. smile of a dreamer has her trying to shoulder keeping the park her grandpa envisioned safe alone#and kirapika also has her carrying her feelings alone. 'if ure going to cry then cry in front of us' ughhh nene..........#always thought wxs conflict was neat because emus priority is the wonder stage while tsukasa & nene increasingly looked for things#beyond that. rui who asked emu and emu who said that she was going to stay with the wonder stage. gggggggggggggg perhaps ill read through#their main events before kirapika......#anyhow. emu & gran ppl who will not tell u when they are really really sad#IM RAMBLING but sr joel always makes me dizzy. captain who went with the assumption he was leaving the crew. and instead of#like. confirming it with him. instead got sad all on their own. and joel who rightfully gets mad with them because of it once he finds out#dude its so good its. 1) ive always liked joel so when his sr released i was like hell yeah 2) the fact they gave me this much captain stuf#of things theyve alrdy established too (captain is very worried after erste about everyone going separate ways too). ughhhhhhh gran who rly#does not want ppl to leave but also does not have the heart to ask them to stay#and is too afraid to actually discuss ppl leaving -> ends up making one-sided assumptions#when ure the captain & had to learn to rely on ppl (anime s1 is sooo big on this too) & struggle tremendously with expression urself
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Feeling melancholyyyyyyyyyyyy with 12 ys
#my legs hurt#and im lonely#tw vent#? maybe#sorry to be sad on main but i just really have nobody to talk to#and I'm really scared? just in general and of everything#oh god that's a lot more than i intended on saying#who else is up experiencing the horrors#who else is up wishing their dad would fuck off and die#who else is up wishing they had a proper connection with someone instead of wasting their summer being afraid and doomscrolling#and then venting about it on tumblr#fuck.#please don't message me because i dont have the capacity to respond rn and i don't want to hurt anyone#but thank you for being here if you read all this#the 140 tag character limit is killing me#also trying to figure out my gender and feeling dysphoric and stupid and even more scared i think i need to cut my hair
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#you know. i never really liked the sound of rain or how it looks outside when it storms#but i moved into my apartment yesterday and last night while I was unpacking it was raining pretty bad#and I think theres something poetic about me stopping the video I was watching and sitting on my bed to listen to the rain for a while#i have a lot of good things in my life right now. im not used to having good things. im not used to letting myself have good things#its a process we're slowly learning. but im glad to be here. and im looking around my bedroom still processing that this is mine#i turn 26 later this month and my birthday is always a rough time for me bc I get older but I would always feel stuck#but for once in my life. i think ill be okay.#anyway all of this to say is I have a semi busy day ahead of me and I need to shower but im afraid bc idk how my new shower works#that thang looks like some sort of contraption and I havent learned the secrets yet but such is life and a part of growing up#cal.txt#sorry for my weird poetic rambling i didnt feel like there was enough here for my collection of poetry google docs
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