#i have a lot of thoughts for this album considering i don't particularly care for it

[taylore]

Apologies for the (mini) rant OP but I have #thoughts...

it's sort of written in this transitional phase between attachment and detachment from her partner, and from the life formed with him. we know that from it being written during the midnights bulk months. it comes at this point where she's questioning everything about her life up until this point AND her life moving forward. so much of midnights is as reflective as it is predictive. it's an album filled with analysis of patterns in her life - whether that be in her own behavior, or that of the people around her, OR in the people she chooses to surround herself with.

with that in mind, the song, much like so many others on the album, is sort of written in the past, and the future, and the present. we know the feelings of false idol-hood don't begin and end on midnights (ttpd is sort of... entirely about that, lmao), nor do the feelings of emotional isolation, even when that isolation is not physical (her comments on the 1989 era during miss americana, high infidelity, literally everything she's ever said about CH post dating him).

So like... it feels present because it IS, and it feels distant because it IS.

It's actually wild to me that she released Dear Reader. That was a song that I was convinced was from a midnight a while ago. Listening to it post ttpd is...ouchie

dear reader always confused me, i think because we all assumed it was from the past, but the lyrics and placement on the album feel SO present. also, considering how deeply it matches the midnights prologue, it's so funny that she made it a bonus track lmfao

[katebeckets]

the tortured poets department

i have thoughts!! surprising, right?? this is for anyone who cares to read them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Before you read, note that this is going to be critical of things, so let me just start by saying I have loved and listened to Taylor since I was 8, so none of it is said lightly or without careful thought (in fact, this took me absurdly long to write). Most of the issues I have are very near to my heart, actually, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. If you don't want to read criticism, then just don't read more. DISCLAIMER that I did my best, but not even this fully captures the nuance I feel able my own opinions lol I recognize the other sides and points, I really do. I hold many conflicting opinions.

The short version is I will always love her music and her voice and she is capable of writing absolutely gorgeous lyrics (dare I say poetry?). I don't tend to think too much about the sound of it because if I like the sound, it's all I really care about—maybe it sounds the same as other stuff, but if I like that other stuff, I don't really care about whether she branches out or not. I think it's great and interesting when she (or anyone) does, but I also don't like change so it doesn't matter to me the way I know it matters to some people. That's just me!

What gets more complicated for me is the narrative, themes, and general trends that have been more prominent the last year or so, and that's what the rest of my thoughts are. It's me enjoying the music while also being acutely aware of all the grief tangled up in it because of how much less connected I feel in many ways.

Side note: this got soooo much longer than even I expected and it still just scratches the surface! so if you decide to read, 1. thank you, and 2. I'd love to keep talking to you. 🤍

———————————————————— 💭

I am an overthinker (shocking!) and will for sure be annoyed that I can't think of each and every thing I think about this album, but this is what comes to mind right now. Some things that have stood out to me more and more with each release:

a tendency to write self-aware lyrics that, in trying to be self-aware, betray somewhat of a lack of self-awareness

a frustration with never growing up that she expresses while also not realizing the way she is complicit in that and her own refusal to grow up

considering herself the victim, particularly after "overcoming" the accusations that she always plays the victim

venturing more boldly into the territory of serious mental illness/suicidal ideation/mental health treatment despite demonstrating a fair amount of ignorance regarding those things in the past

fame going to her head (in the sense of her becoming further and further out of touch) and the entitlement in a lot of the more immature attitudes that come across in these songs

self-awareness: for me, the first example that comes to mind is Anti-Hero: "it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." It's a claim at self-awareness because she's poking fun at the fact that she knows people always say "maybe she's the problem." The reason why it feels to me like it exposes a lack of self-awareness is because she explores it mostly as a criticism to overcome and not a valid point of self-reflection. @jakeperalta's tags on her post explain it better than I do. Yes, there's an issue when you reduce every feeling to "well maybe she's the problem," but part of growth is admitting that maybe you are part of the problem and coming to terms with the fact that there is often some inevitable truth to that statement—and being willing to work on it. This example is from Midnights, but I think it ties into the next point.

immaturity/never growing up: I actually think these first two sections are just two parts of one section, but it's easier to read this way anyway. There are lots of references to not growing up on this album, the first that come to mind being "So High School" and "teenage petulance." Maybe it's just me, but as a 34-year-old woman, I wouldn't want to be feeling "so high school." I mean, as a 25-year-old, when I talk about feeling like my high school self, it's usually because I'm recognizing how limited my judgment and self-awareness was in high school (despite all the therapy and my efforts to be self-aware in high school). And I am aware of my own bias here—I absolutely hate the football game days because I didn't even like watching people act like that in high school, but at least they were high schoolers—but I do think part of what we've seen is Travis allowing her to be more immature and take less responsibility because that's also where he is at. Obviously I don’t speak to it with any authority since I don't know what happened in the relationship, but based on her behaviors and what I know about Joe (which is VERY little), I kind of get the feeling that part of what she didn't like about being with Joe is that he pushed her to grow. "Your integrity makes me seem small," etc. etc., but not in an “I want to grow” way, but not liking that feeling because she shouldn't have to feel small just because she wants to be able to only do what makes her happy. Just looking at the difference in her behavior and the fact that it seems like she's stopped trying to learn (Miss Americana-ish), it seems like she very much resents the responsibility that comes with being such a famous person and mainly considers herself a victim of her fame.

victimhood: to an extent, yes, she is a victim of her fame. No one should have that much fame and power, and of course she didn't sign up for it in this way. But wanting to have the kind of influence and reach that most artists desire is intertwined with fame. There isn't a way to separate it (in an ideal world, maybe, but that isn't what we're dealing with) and it's something that, to some degree, artists do sign up for. And I think she resents that she's expected to take any sort of responsibility for anything that she doesn't want to do, in a very, "but that's not fair!," teenage petulance kind of way. She even says in Sweet Nothing that "I'm just too soft for all of it." We're all too soft for all of it, but that doesn't mean we get to ignore it. It bothers me that she doesn't seem to feel any sort of responsibility to use this giant platform to do better. Everyone is aware of her influence, including her. I think that's part of the grief. No, it is not her job to use her platform for good, but I thought that it was something she valued and something she wanted. The other line that really stuck out to me was from Cassandra: "They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?" You may be a victim of what doesn't kill you, but if it becomes who you are, that's not their fault. It reminds me a bit of the exhaustion of living with mental illness. For me in particular, it affects my relationships in a very fundamental way, and there are days that I sob because I am exhausted of things that are so normal being so, so difficult for me... but even though I didn't ask for it and it's not fair that this happened to me, it's still my responsibility to understand how my issues affect how I show up in relationships. It's still my problem, even though it isn't my fault that it's my problem. And if you're lucky, you find really beautiful people who are willing to help you and see that it's not their responsibility, but they want to make it easier for you—I recognize how lucky I am to have some people like that, but it never makes it anyone else's problem. If they decide one day it's not their problem, the truth is that it isn't (and then there's a more complex conversation about what you want to do to preserve a relationship). This is also very connected to something about Kate Beckett/why I identify with that character, and I can touch on that if anyone wants to know, but I don't really have cohesive thoughts about that prepared (it makes more sense if you already know the character). This also goes to other things, like her being upset that people always focus on who songs are about while ignoring the part she played in feeding that culture (like with secret messages).

mental health: this goes to a bigger discussion of how we turn to celebrities who are HIGHLY unqualified to have opinions on things for guidance (the nuance of the above discussion about using your platform), but the more she ventures into the discussion of mental illness, the more upset I get by some remarks she has made in the past. And yes, people grow, she may not feel this way anymore, but nothing in her behavior gives me any reason to believe that she doesn't still have this attitude. This is one that I know I have to be careful of because of how personal it is for me (I've been placed on a 5150 "danger to self" hold and I am a therapist), but one interview that has always made me so upset is that one where she talks about how she's never been to therapy, then ends it by saying "I feel like we just had a therapy session." She has said multiple times how she has never wanted to go to therapy when she has her mom, who already knows everything about her. And that is highly irritating to me because 1. that's why she's your MOM, not your THERAPIST, and 2. there's already so much stigma and apprehension around therapy and many people feel this way, so to have someone like Taylor Swift validate all the people who say "I'd rather talk to someone who already knows me" or "so and so is my therapist" is unbelievably frustrating. There's a reason it's unethical to treat people you know—that isn't therapy. And I think I wouldn't be so bothered by it if she didn't speak about it with such authority, like she knows what she's talking about when what she's saying shows that she doesn't (edit: this is specifically in regard to therapy, not mental illness. I am highly aware that anyone can be mentally ill). The other thing about this album is that it does seem to be an album about loving people with mental illness, and I've already seen a lot of interpretations that simply feed the narrative that people with mental illness are unlovable and mental illness is the reason people mistreat you (particularly the discussion about her lovers being blue all the time). And the issue with that is it's already a common misconception among people with mental illness, that their mental illness is an excuse or reason why they don't treat people right. It's disrespectful to the people who recognize that they have a mental illness that affects how they interact with others and choose to try to overcome it. I'm all for honest discussions about mental illness, but it's so disheartening when it happens on such a large scale and some of the loudest voices are people who don't know enough to know how to (at least try to) do no harm.

fame: I'm not really going to go into it because this has already turned out way longer than I meant for it to, but also because I feel like it's already been touched on. For me, it's the conversation about her feeling she should be able to just do what she wants. I think we all feel that way, but because of her fame and the fact that she's just about untouchable (as shown in how she came back from being cancelled), she can just tune everyone out. But one example was how uneasy I felt about this album being announced at the grammys. For one thing, it's not a fan-voted award, so even if it should, it doesn't feel the same. And regardless of your take on award shows, I do think it showed a level of insensitivity to the other artists who haven't won a bunch of grammys to decide that she would announce a new album at the grammys. Because even if she had a backup plan and said she didn't plan on it, the truth is that, to decide to have a backup plan, you did have to count on it happening, at least to an extent. You had to feel it was likely enough that you wanted to have a back up plan just in case, but it probably would go the way you wanted. To me, it just felt so... disrespectful. Because for many other artists, it doesn't happen more than once. (not to mention the many other things happening that got completely overshadowed, like Annie Lennox calling for a ceasefire)

So if you read all that... I don't even know what the point is at this point. These are just thoughts that, to me, don't feel right to simply ignore. I know there's an argument that you can enjoy music without enjoying where it came from, and it's true to an extent, but I also think part of the music is where it comes from. So... I don't know. Do with that what you will. And if you are reading this, I love you (I can't believe you're reading this).

[thegrimreaperisanerd]

About DUCKLINGS, can you tell us more about Julien? I am so curious to know what he was/is like and what was your thought process for creating an ex boyfriend for Kim.

(You don't have to answer everything of course, especially if you plan on expanding on that later as you write more)

Sure, he's not a fleshed out character or important to the plot in any way so I'll condense what I've got in my head. Under a readmore since I'm waxing poetic about fic stuff again.

I actually didn't think this would be interesting to anyone! It just made sense to give him a name since Kim's probably not going to think "my ex" but whatever the guy's name was. Hence "Julien" (named after my favourite song from Placebo's Battle For The Sun album; which is underrated, but that's entirely irrelevant...)

I don't have an appearance in mind for the guy since that's usually the last thing I conceptualise about characters (apart from instances where it's important OR I just get a vibe from them. The shopkeeper from Imprinting popped into my head with red hair and teardrop shaped glasses for example, I knew Dom was going to look "exceptionally white" as part of his narrative foil)

Anyway: This is a relationship Kim entered into due to its convenience. I imagined Juvie cop Kim being sent to a school to do a "join the RCM" (boo) stall at a careers fair, then *clocking* a guy putting WAY too much effort into his role in a "don't do drugs!" play for the kiddies.

They bone a couple times, the guy does RCM adjacent work so he's not put off by Kim's job (tends to be a deal breaker), they go on a few dates and Kim generally has a good time during. J: "Do you want to make this exclusive?" Kim (wasn't having sex with anyone else anyway): "Sure." A few months pass. J: "My lease is up, can I move in with you?" Kim (paying rent for a flat he only really sleeps, shits, and shaves in): "Okay."

Suddenly (as can happen when you spend most of your waking life working) a significant amount of time has passed, J has become significantly attached and Kim didn't really notice until he has to decide how to respond to "I love you." "Oh..." (O-O)¬ "Okay." Wasn't really the response Julien wanted.

There's a fight, and Kim *does* feel bad about being a bit blasé with the guy's feelings, but when J says "You work way too hard for a place that doesn't respect or appreciate you anyway." It hits *a bit* too close to home, and as such when that's punctuated by "You need to spend less time working and more time with me, or I'm gone." Kim let's the guy pack his bags and go.

I haven't thought about how *long* the relationship lasted but they probably knew each other for a year at the minimum.

Main concrete personality type for the guy would be egotistical and self-obsessed, despite not being particularly good at what he does. <- Kim finds this grating.

He wouldn't care to ask Kim how his day was when he comes home from work. <- Kim actually prefers this.

He has opinions on art and acting and speaks about that *a lot*. <- Kim doesn't care, but was happy to let Julien talk since it meant he could sit quietly and drink his coffee in relative peace.

Despite the time they spent together J never really got to know Kim that well, Kim doesn't like to talk about himself unprompted and J didn't care enough to badger him like Harry does.

He would have been honest with Kim at least (which he appreciated) hence Kim knowing that J thought he was a bad cook.

Kim would have been in his late 20s - early 30s, not as mature, *genuinely* still believes he's just not working hard enough and THAT'S why he's been passed over for promotions. He's still scared of his Captain, and most superiors, at this point and EASILY bullied into picking up extra shifts.

At the age I'm writing Kim now he would have ended the relationship himself rather than let it fizzle out over time.

Kim at least liked him enough to share a living space, and still thinks about the guy fairly often considering a decade has passed. <- lonely.

That's about all I've got concrete! Thanks for the ask!

[daveslutstaine]

After years of careful consideration, I finally have my top ten album list figured out. This list consists of albums that I consider to be of up most importance to me personally, so without further ado, here is my top ten album list (not in any specific order).

1. Youthanasia~ Megadeth

Begining with my favorite band, Megadeth's Youthanasia has taken the cake as one of my top albums of all time. It was a hard choice to make, especially since they have so many banger albums that I also really love. Rust In Peace almost made it but Youthanasia has something about it that makes me reach for it every time I want to play anything by Megadeth. Maybe it's Dave's vocals, maybe it's the more solemn nature of the album, maybe it's the colors I see when I play it, but whatever it is, I love it far more than any other Megadeth album! My personal favorite tracks are Addicted To Chaos, Youthanasia, A Toute Le Monde, and Train Of Consequences. It's a great album and I hope to get my hands on a physical copy or it soon!

2. ITCOTCK~ King Crimson

I listened to King Crimson once and I haven't been the same since. Seriously though this album introduced me to music that I never thought existed, and sent me down the rabbit hole of 70s prog rock and I will forever thank them for that. The beauty of their songs is unmatched. I have never in my life come across music like this prior to hearing In The Court Of The Crimson King. The jazzy sounds of their first track was so catching, especially since parts of it remind me of what a true jazz metal band might sound like. The chaos of it is so similar to heavy metal music yet it's so different. The sweetness of I Talk To The Wind is so similar to the autumn air to me, though I feel that's because of the flutes throughout the song. And don't get me started on Moonchild oouuggh!!! I have never hear a mellotron before but now it's one of my favorite instruments thanks to this band! The dreamlike quality of the music makes this song feel so surreal. I spoke to a mutual about it recently and told her that it reminds me of an old silent film, particularly the improv part of the song. And Epitaph!!!! Such a beautiful song! Greg Lake's vocals compliment the song so well I remember being so disappointed that he left KC when I was first getting into them. His voice is so good for this type of music and Epitaph shows that so well! And don't get me started on the title track! KC does a fantastic job at making their music so descriptive with their sound. I can actually see the procession of the Crimson King and his court! I remember once hearing that KC was heavily inspired by 20th century classical composers and if that's true, I definitely hear it. This whole album is gem!

3. Sound of Perseverance~ Death

And now we have an album by my favorite death metal band, Death! Next to Symbolic, The Sound Of Perseverance is the one Death album that I've listened to countless times on repeat. I adore not just the instrumentation, but the lyrics of the songs of this album as well. I know death metal gets a lot of shit for being incomprehensible at times, but oddly enough, you can actually understand what is being said in the songs. The vocalist has a surprisingly clear voice that can be understood. The lyrics aren't your typical death metal, cannibal corpse-esque lyrics, which is refreshing to hear from a death metal band. My personal favorites are the lyrics in Spirit Crusher and The Flesh And The Power It Holds. The instrumental arrangement though is what really catches my attention though! The beautiful tone of the guitars and the memorable baseline in Spirit Crusher!!!!! The absolute beauty of Voice Of The Soul! It's one of my favorite songs of all time and one of the biggest reasons this album is up here. The dueling sound of the guitars that seem to both be fighting each other is something that always puts me in awe and I just!!!!!!!!! Words cannot describe how much I love that song. Voice Of The Sound indeed! Of course those three aren't the only good tracks on this album, the whole album is full of banger after banger, even for someone such as myself that isn't super fond of the more extreme metals, this album is a shining gem in the dull sea of death metal! Really good and very much recommend!

4. Spreading The Disease~ Anthrax

Next up is Spreading The Disease by Anthrax, an album that I adore in both cover and sound! Seriously though the cover is so well made! Anyway, this album was the first album I heard from Anthrax and the album that got me hooked on the band! Everything from Joey's amazing vocals and the bands powerful sound just gripped my heart and ears in a way that not many metal bands do. There is something so charming yet so masterful about this album that it's hard for me to explain. I won't lie, I had my doubts when I first went into Anthrax. I did not think that goofy little band could possibly be good but boy was I wrong. I don't think there is a single song on this album I hate. Everything from tracks like Madhouse to Medusa are so good and energy inducing it's nuts. GAH I love this album a lot! I would say that Anthrax is truly the greatest embodiment of thrash metal! Goofy, but serious at times!

5. Pagan Terrorism Tactics~ Acid Bath

And here we have this little band from down in Louisiana, the sludge metal band Acid Bath! To be honest, it was hard to pick between this album and their debut album, but I noticed that I tend to play this album more, so I decided that this album deserved a spot on here more than the other. I discovered this band I think, four ish years ago now, and I have been in love with them ever since! A lot of people tend to get turned away due to their edgy, nonsensical lyrics, but that's what made me like them so much. Sure it's a little over the top at times, but I like the imagery it gives. I've hear that the bands' singer was inspired by the art of a man known as Michael Diana, and that he wanted to mimic his work in musical form, well I must say he did a good job with that, though the images I see in my head are much cleaner than that of Diana's drawings. The music is also something I fell for. I love the mix of aggression with melancholic sweetness of their songs! Songs like Locusts Spawning, New Death Sensation, and Venus Blue are just fantastic! Great album and great band!

6. Heaven And Hell~ Black Sabbath

Next is an album that I may have gotten just a little too emotionally attached to during my teen years. It's cliche, but this album got me through some tough times. I would go into detail, but it's personal. In short, I was having sort of an identity crisis and I was having some doubts about a lot of things. It didn't help that I had some... interesting people in my life that I found myself having to walk on eggshells around them. Basically it wasn't a good time for me on that end, but it was great time for me to experience a musical boom! I quickly fell in love with this band and everything about them! Tony's iconic guitar playing, Ronnie's incredible vocals, and the lyrics that make me foam at the mouth! Everything about this album is just aaaaaa! I will say I could do without the song Lady Evil. It's not bad, it just kills the vibe the album in my opinion. Other than that, I love the album to bits! If I had the option of listening to album for the first time again, I would probably choose this one.

7. Defenders Of The Faith~ Judas Priest

Now it's time for my favorite Judas Priest album, Defenders! While Judas Priest has many banger albums, Defenders is my all time favorite of theirs. Everything about this album is just so good to me! Hell, it's hard for me to even pick a track I dislike on this album since I love all of them. This is also my favorite album to play during the summer time since it's also the perfect summer album imo. It's fun, it's full of moments that aren't exactly soft, but have a gentleness to them that reminds me of the summer breeze, particularly Night Comes Down! My favorite song on this album has to be The Sentinel, but once again, all the songs on here are bangers.

8. Breakfast In America~ Supertramp

Next up is Supertramp's Breakfast In America. I never thought this pop prog band from the UK would wind up being one of my favorite bands, but Supertramp has managed to charm me with its catchy tunes and oddly relatable lyrics. Out of all their albums, this is the one that stole my heart the most. My favorite tracks are, well, it's hard for me to say considering I really enjoy all the songs on this album, and it's not very often that I come across an album like that. Definitely love Gone Hollywood, The Logical Song, Causal Conversations, and Nervous Wreck way more than the others though. I will probably be doing a more detailed post on this album since there's a lot I want to talk about but that will have to wait for later!

9. Days Of Future Passed~ The Moody Blues

And now we have Days Of Future Passed by The Moody Blues. This music is something I never thought I would enjoy. I discovered it, I believe two years ago, and I still remember the reactions from everyone around me irl when they found out I liked this album so much. It's nothing like the typical loud and aggressive heavy metal that I love. This album is soft, sweet, light hearted, and more akin to something you'd hear from early 20th century Disney movies, and I say that as a positive thing of course! All the tracks have some form of an orchestral part to them that makes me feel as though I'm watching an old Hollywood film, and I just love the voice of Justin Hayward! I also consider this album to be one of my winter time albums! I can feel the cold, sharp, winter wind everytime I listen to it, especially with the beginning track Dawn Is A Feeling! I remember listening to that song non stop when I found this album. That and Nights In White Satin. Single handedly one of my favorite love songs of all time!

10. Ten Thousand Fists~ Disturbed

And last but certainly not least, is Disturbed's Ten Thousand Fists. Since they are the band that introduced me to heavy metal to begin with, I felt they deserved the final spot on this list. I've also rediscovered my love for them recently after years of not listening to a single song of theirs. In my opinion, their music still holds up even after all these years. Even their newer albums still have that energy I fell in love with when I was a kid. Back then their album Indestructible was my favorite. Ten Thousand Fists was a good one to me but it was never my favorite, though I absolutely adored the songs Pain Redefined, Guarded, and Stricken. I'm Alive and the title track are songs that I have really come to love now as an adult. I really hope I find a copy of this album sometime!

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

What do you think about tae and jk doing lives just before jm drops something? I’m very annoyed tbh. Instead of the fandom focusing solely on jm before/after the teasers, the fandom is talking about what was said in the lives(in jk’s case his mood/mental health) like the timing of that live was just shitty because my timeline was filled with translations and pics and people crying over him crying and only pjms and a few big accounts actually made jm’s release a priority! At this point i wish for jm to make a lot of new fans outside of army because he deserves a lot better

The way my first thought was "they don't even know something is dropping today", for both times lmao. I just really don't expect them to be up to date with any schedule and was surprised that he said that. Part of me thinks people were talking about the teaser in the comments and not that he knew it by heart, but if he did knew, okay cool.

I think the people that were waiting for Jimin's teaser still tuned in as soon as it was released, and shared about it and talked about it. I don't think Jungkook's live would've been a "distraction" for those that actually wanted to watch the teaser. If they happened to show more interest in Jungkook's live it wasn't because they were distracted, it just means they cared more about JK / the live.

He does need to make new fans that aren't army because armys

1) never cared about solo careers

2) most of them are taekookers that want to see Jimin literally dead

3) never cared that much about Jimin

Jimin was always treated by army like an extension of the other members and the weakest link just because he's caring and supportive. Most of them were seriously expecting JK or Taehyung to come out with music before Jimin ever did, and couldn't believe that Jimin had actually created something by himself. Nobody needs "fans" like that ✋.

Another big reason is that the armys that used to care the most about music and performances left the fandom in 2020. I hope some of those find out about Jimin's album and come back, because the precovid fandom was actually worth something and really cared about BTS as artists. I mean, the support mono and hope world had??? Nowhere to be seen with their latest albums; with the way the fandom grew in numbers you'd think their MVs and albums would be getting at least twice the attention they've gotten, but well. Most armys nowadays aren't really here for music. Obviously, that's BTS fault primarily because they were the first ones to take the attention away from the music and performances. It's just a lot to be discussed and considered tbh. At some point they'll have to admit that they haven't been making particularly great music either.

[superpyodan]

hello this is table~~

for the kenny!: 5, 7, 10, 30!!! <3

the kenny... AHGAJGAHG

Sorry, I kinda got carried away. I have a lot of thoughts about Kenny and I'm just excited to talk about him T_T

5. What was Kenny's dream job as a kid? Is it different from what his career ended up being?

He never really had a dream job, but he did dabble in ideas of being a storyboard artist, or an animator, or a writer for TV shows. Just, anything creative that involved TV, specifically animation. However, it was something he knew within himself was too big of a goal. Something he'd never be able to achieve. It was always just... imaginary for him, I think. He ended up as Pelican Town's resident farmer, which... is interesting. But he enjoys it! He likes the fact that it's monotonus, buy by his own hand. Monotony forced upon him by somebody else is not his vibe, but he's happy to make his own decisions and do his own thing, yk?

7. What is the thing Kenny likes the most about himsef?

Hooo boy.... I don't... I don't even know if I can answer this question. LMAO

There's not a lot. I think the one thing he'd be willing to give himself is his responsibility? He views himself as a pretty mature, level-headed person who's good at keeping a routine and taking care of himself (at a physical level) and others. It's something he picked up after his brother's death for the most part, but he had always been a pretty serious person to some degree. He sees value in those qualities, whether they're in himself or other people. It's funny, because he ended up being friends with arguably the most unhinged people in Pelican Town (Abby and Sam, obviously) but it's a good thing really, because they balance him out.

10. What kind of music does Kenny enjoy?

He doesn’t listen to music very often, but when he does, it’s stuff that’s instrument-heavy, kind of melancholy and depressing, but comforting at the same time. Like, indie-rock.

Examples of artists would be: 12 RODS, Mac Demarco, Car Seat Headrest, Modern Baseball, Courtney Barnett (but specifically her album ‘Sometimes I Sit and Think, and Sometimes I Just Sit’)

CSHR is HUUUUGE for Kenny. LMAO. He was an emo-phase teenager, and he's a loser-music-taste adult. But for him, music would be used as background noise above anything else. He already did the music obsession thing. He has this idea in his head that he can't like or do anything he did when he was a teenager, for some reason. I'm just noticing this now. I don't know why he's like that. I know I made him, but like... He's out of my hands. Idk what he does. It's none of my business.

30. Does Kenny wish to be married someday?

(For my readers - Potential Shades of Green spoilers? The topic of Kenny + Alex getting married / talking about getting married is something I haven't made any solid decisions about writing about yet. So... just be warned, I guess.)

OOF. This is something i've been thinking about a lot recently. I think that, generally, Kenny doesn't care for marriage, particularly. HOWEVER. Will Kenny marry Alex? Yes. There is no doubt in my mind about the fact. (Will my readers see it? I don't know yet. Let me think about it.)

The thing is - Kenny's never been mature enough, or in a good enough relationship, to consider things like marriage and children. It doesn't help that he's gay. I feel like marriage and children aren't really things that queer people consider as serious options for themselves very often due to the heteronormativity of it all. (or maybe that's just me? I don't speak for the entire lgbtq community of course, but it is something I've noticed throughout the years)

During Shades of Green, Kenny does a lot of thinking about what his relationship with alex means for him. It's kickstarted by Abby and Haley teasing him about his potential parental abilities, but it plants a SEED in his brain. I think he does truly want to marry Alex, but it's something he doesn't really allow himself to think about. He's his own worst enemy when it comes to allowing himself happiness, LMAO. At minimum, he wants to prove himself to Alex as someone who's worthy of getting married to.

I think that, ultimately, it would be something Alex wanted, because I think that's just... the culture? Of Pelican Town? Getting married, to me, seems like a big thing there. Plus, I picture him as being pretty traditional about that stuff, due to living with his grandparents for so long.

But, like, TLDR: Yes. Kinda. It's complicated, but yes.

Thank you for asking!! Kenny's my baby!! I love talking about him!!

[popblank]

Year-end roundup of theater I saw in 2023:

I saw a lot this year (29 unique shows with a couple of repeats). Part of the reason is probably that I spent money on tickets more freely because I was working a lot more than usual.

Notes or links to separate posts below:

Mean Girls (tour; Pantages) – The strengths are in the original movie material and added character development, while the music is just enough to support the story. Fun, though not sure I'd call it good.

Topdog/Underdog (Broadway) – Fantastic performances from both Corey Hawkins and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II. Not particularly interested in con artist/gambler storylines but it fit the themes.

A Strange Loop (Broadway) – Amazing, totally get why it won Best Musical. Viewing experience was enhanced by a responsive audience. I'm excited to see it in LA and crossing my fingers that it gets a decent reception.

Kimberly Akimbo (Broadway) – Hadn't read much about it and was unprepared for how funny it was and how strong the cast was across the board. Favorite little absurdity was how the show choir kids are slowly drawn into Debra's scheme. The cast recording captures a decent part of the humor and was my most-played album in 2023.

Merrily We Roll Along (Off-Broadway) – Not sure I can imagine a better casting for Franklin Shepard than Jonathan Groff.

Wicked (Broadway) – Hadn't seen it in over a decade and felt like revisiting. It was fine; Elphaba and Fiyero seemed to have good chemistry.

Leopoldstadt (Broadway) – If I had the time and money I would just follow Caissie Levy and Brandon Uranowitz around to see whatever they are in. In a 2+ hour show with no intermission I never got bored.

Frozen (tour; Segerstrom) – Had previously seen this pre-pandemic so most of the cast had changed, though Caroline Bowman was still Elsa and was good. A number of the new cast seemed very young.

The Secret Garden (Ahmanson)

Kristina Wong, Sweatshop Overlord (Kirk Douglas)

The Lonely Few (2x) (Geffen Playhouse)

Sunday in the Park with George (Pasadena Playhouse) – First time I’ve ever seen this show (or listened to the music with any level of attention), and while I enjoyed it for the most part—particularly Act 1—I really struggled to care about modern George’s professional and personal difficulties in creating his art. I did like the music and can’t say I was ever bored, but in the end I was (to my surprise) thoroughly unmoved. One notable thing was that the sound in the theater was great. Everything was remarkably clear and I could understand all of the rapid-fire lyrics very well considering I was not very familiar with the music.

Twilight: Los Angeles 1992 (Mark Taper Forum) – Staged with multiple actors; unfortunately I don't remember much about it as I did not take any notes.

1776 (2x)

Kiss of the Spider Woman (A Noise Within) – The play, not the musical. Enjoyed it, thought Molina in particular was well performed.

Six (tour, Pantages) – Had listened to the studio cast recording and enjoyed it but the songs do tend to work better with the little bit of context provided by the show.

A Little Night Music (Pasadena Playhouse) – Another first-time Sondheim show for me; I liked the music (more so than Sunday in the Park With George), acting was strong, but I had difficulty caring much about the interpersonal drama.

A Soldier's Play (tour, Ahmanson) – Didn't take notes afterward; mostly I remember that Norm Lewis's speaking voice is startlingly resonant.

Tina (tour, Pantages) – Saw this only a few weeks after her death; the Playbill cover had been redesigned to acknowledge it and I think the cast and audience were still feeling that impact. It was pretty good for a straight-ahead biographical jukebox musical.

A Transparent Musical

Into the Woods

Beetlejuice

Les Misérables (tour, Pantages) – Heard the latest tour cast was really good, and it was; it hit the emotional beats well. Particularly liked Fantine (here's a local morning-show performance of "I Dreamed a Dream"), Javert, and Valjean, actually liked Gavroche for a change, and this production got rid of a character direction I absolutely hated (Grantaire's melodramatic wail after the "Little People" reprise).

Heroes of the Fourth Turning

Peter Pan Goes Wrong (Ahmanson) – Entertaining and funny though didn't quite hit my sense of humor dead on.

Here Lies Love (Broadway) – Was really glad to have the opportunity to see this because I missed the original production 10 years ago and regretted it. Sat in the front mezzanine which seemed just fine and provided an overall good view of the action in almost every direction. Particularly liked Conrad Ricamora (very charismatic) as Ninoy Aquino and Jose Llana as Marcos. Staging, audience participation, projections, etc. were essential to communicating the message of the show. I like the music and have the original cast recording but it would be very easy to misunderstand the tone from only listening to the recording.

The Sound Inside (Pasadena Playhouse) – Saw this in the middle of being swamped at work so my memory of this is a bit sparse. I remember being uncertain of how to react at the end of the show (same for the audience I was in) but thinking about it afterward the ideas and themes came together more clearly.

A Christmas Story (Ahmanson) – A pleasant and family-friendly show; lots of kids in the cast. Have never seen the movie. There were some high points (e.g. the big tap number featuring Miss Shields and a bunch of children singing "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" as Prohibition-era gangsters and flappers) but I was bored for a good portion of the show. The portrayal of motherhood is very traditional.

MJ the Musical (tour; Pantages) – Was wondering how Lynn Nottage would handle the book. At first the "in rehearsal for the Dangerous tour" setup seemed like an interesting framing, but ultimately I don't think it went anywhere interesting dramatically or emotionally, or communicated much that wasn't already known even to non-Michael Jackson fans. The part from the Tony Awards performance is the high point of the show IMO.

[nukaberries]

Hey! I love your writing, you capture the characters so well 🙈 I was wondering if you could maybe write about what a wedding between a f!Sole and Hancock would look like??

Hey! That's so sweet, thank you!! I was worried about writing anyone out of character so I'm glad you think I was accurate <33 This is so wholesome though, I love Hancock so much!! I'm also loving these wedding/proposal asks, they're so fun to write!! (Plus I associate weddings and marriage with Lover by Taylor Swift, which might be one of my favourite albums atm!)

//

Hancock Marrying a F!Sole Survivor

Nobody has ever seen John Hancock this stressed out in his entire life, desperate to make sure that not only does his big day go down smoothly, but that it's the best day of your life. His determination is actually quite intimidating to a lot of the residents of Goodneighbor.

He's never actually been to a wedding before, so he's completely out of his depth if he's doing anything right. He just hopes that at the very least, you'll appreciate the thought he put into everything - and he'll never stop apologising that a bloatfly flew onto the cake when he wasn't looking.

He's also pretty sure that Daisy was lying when she said she's qualified to officiate a marriage, that apparently she married her brother and his wife way back when. Not that Hancock cares much about pre-war traditions, the marriage doesn't need to be legally official, so long as you know how much you mean to him.

It's safe to say that John isn't a particularly conventional guy but if you really want him to, he'll dress up in a suit and tie (just don't ask him to take the hat off). He'll also be more than happy, no matter what you choose to wear, whether that be a dress, a suit or if you just wear casual attire, so long as you're comfortable.

For the most part, he stumbles his way anxiously through his vows, which is hard to believe, considering most people have only ever known him as the charismatic mayor of Goodneighbor. But you don't seem to mind all that much, so he doesn't really care what anyone else might have to say about it.

And, yeah, he definitely tears up during your own vows - although, he tries to hide it. It doesn't even matter what you say, you could be speaking in a language he doesn't understand and he'd still stare lovingly at you, in awe of the fact that someone as incredible as you actually wanted to spend the rest of their life with him. What did he ever do to deserve you?

The first kiss the two of you share as a married couple instantly goes down as the best kiss of his life. Just knowing what it signified, that you were willing to be by his side for all eternity, is enough for him to treasure it. It makes the entire wedding feel all the more real to him, instead of a dream of some perfect life he'd never get. You're actually married, he's actually your husband.

He manages to pull himself together for the party after, it's only small, a few of both your close friends and some Goodneighbor residents. For a Goodneighbor party, it's actually pretty peaceful, which he's grateful for. Although, half way through, Hancock does end up regretting asking MacCready to be his best man when insists on getting up to make a speech - minus the one story he tells about the time John got high and thought he could fist fight a Yaoi Guai, it's actually not all that embarrassing.

Depending on your own preference, Hancock will stay at the party until the early hours of the morning, or he'll leave early if you decide the two of you need the space. He cares more about being around you than anyone else anyway, and he'll find a way to excuse the both of you.

Hancock won't leave your side for the next few days . . Or weeks. Still unable to believe you're his wife, and not wanting to waste one second of it, as though you'll disappear if he leaves you alone for too long. He will understand if you need the space though, don't worry, he'll do his best not to smother you.

[thegirlwhowrites642]

Your Harry Potter favorite characters

I imagine that this question implies a "besides Harry and Ginny".

One of my first posts on this blog was an answer to someone asking me my top 10 of my favorite HP characters and I remember saying that the first five were set in stone, and yet I'm not so sure anymore. They were in order: Harry, Ginny, James, Ron, Hermione.

The first three are really always going to be there. I still really love Ron, but Hermione? I don't know. I've always had mixed feelings about her and I've always analyzed these books but writing things down on this blog made me look at things that I never fully registered about her because I was never particularly interested in her character. I have an ask about Hermione that is tormenting me because the jury is still out on her.

On that list, there were also characters like Luna, and sure, great character, but saying that you love Luna is like saying that you love rainbows, it doesn't really mean anything. She's a positive secondary character we know three things about. Of course, everybody likes her.

The same goes for McGonagall, I love her to death but like who doesn't?

So frankly I do not know how to do a top 10 or something like that. I guess it is not that surprising, I've been a hardcore Taylor Swift fan since age 12 and I'm still unable to do a ranking of her albums.

But I thought that maybe I could still do something interesting with this ask and give you little windows on some characters that I love but that are considered controversial.

For example, in that famous list, I avoided putting Dumbledore because it was one of my first posts and I wasn't in the mood to deal with someone wanting to murder me. But the truth is that I love Dumbledore, ok? I do, I'm sorry. The man was in a large-scale version of the trolley problem, villainizing him makes no sense. How heartless you need to be to read the King's Cross chapter in DH and hate Dumbledore? He's not perfect but that's kind of the point. I think that, unlike Harry, a lot of people didn't get over the betrayal of finding out that he wasn't just a saint-like, wise, grandpa like it seemed in the first books.

Another character that I love is Slughorn. He's so real as a character. He is far from being an exemplary man but I believe him to be the best example of a good Slytherin in the entire series. And while he does sin in cowardice he ends up showing true braveness and the core of a fundamentally good man. I also find him extremely interesting in regards to all his connections and parties and while his method in the way he offers opportunities to his students may sound elitist (and it is) he's also literally the only professor who cares about introducing his students to the work market in a world (the wizarding one) that is far from being democratic and meritocratic. Even if, to be honest, that has probably more to do with JKR's poor world-building skills.

I also really like Percy. I find him quite fascinating honestly. He comes back for the battle doing the right thing and ultimately showing that he truly belongs in Gryffindor. But what interests me is the "betrayal" of his family. I've always seen the Voldermort-is-back debate as a bit of an excuse that he used. I'm sure he did believe to be right initially, like the letter he sends to Ron proves, but I think that it was more of an opportunity he jumped on to separate himself from the Weasleys. We often talk about the consequences on Ron's confidence due to growing up in his family but Percy was forced into a pretty shitty role too. He's four years younger than Charlie. There's a significant distance with his older brothers that cuts him off from the older siblings club. The Weasleys also all go to boarding school since age eleven, Bill and Ginny have never lived under the same roof for a whole year. So Percy was basically the older brother for the majority of his life, the one who had to take care of the young ones. But the thing is, he's not the oldest brother. So the youngest four glorify Bill and Charlie, which is pretty normal, but it's usually balanced by the oldest siblings becoming annoying because they impose themselves as additional parents. But Bill and Charlie escape the majority of the usual older siblings' responsibilities for years. So they take the glory and Percy is stuck with just being "hated" for imposing himself as a responsible figure. He tends to isolate himself and be very different from the rest of his family, and also, of course, he becomes defensive of his being responsible. As the cherry on top, his interests are then ridiculed. And his breaking point is in fact his father, the person he seems to admire the most, not believing in him (at least this is what happens in his perspective). There's also resentment for their economic condition, and let's face it, Percy is not totally wrong but this is another discussion. I don't know, while his method was certainly wrong, maybe I would have wanted to go away from home too in his place.

Are James and Sirius controversial characters to like? If you talk to a Snape apologist they are Lucifer incarnated. I guess it's not surprising that I love them. I think this post makes it clear that I enjoy flawed yet fundamentally good characters that own up to their mistakes. James and Sirius are funny and charismatic and talented. Their attacking Snape is obviously wrong but there are a lot of circumstances around that action that now I'm not getting into because this is something I could talk about for hours. And James' hexing random people in the halls, while certainly a sign of immaturity (an immaturity he grew out of to the point of becoming Head Boy), can't be considered bullism. A hex is not our equivalent of a punch. Think about 15-year-old boys and then give them magic wands. What do you think they would do with them, honestly? Harry does it too in HBP when he starts learning spells from the Prince and James and Sirius are basically two young geniuses, who knows how many spells they knew. I could prattle on about these two endlessly but if you've read JKR's short story about them and you still do not love them, then I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree.

[plasticnightmaredoll]

(art commission by the lovely and talented @curious-menace)

It is a time where I would like to see what my followers think about various concepts I have in mind pertaining to alternate versions of one my fics. It may take some time to write out any alternate versions since I've been busy and stressed out so much lately, but I am very curious as to what others would find intriguing to read.

But first, some backstory so be patient. We'll get to the voting at the end of this post.

I've been having a lot of bad days lately, and my mood has plummeted to a major low. This includes my self-esteem, which has always been in the dumps but is now basically a dumpster fire.

However, I don't want to be entirely cruel to myself. I deserve some sort of happiness, some sort of reprieve, and writing can be a good coping mechanism. I put a lot of my own thoughts, emotions, struggles, opinions, etc. into my works, as they serve as a way for me to get things off my chest. Sometimes, it's just cute and funny stuff, other times angsty but eventually fluffy stuff, and other times it's quite depressing and dark.

One fic, in particular, stands out, and that is the Mortal Kombat/Batman Arkhamverse crossover, "Volunteer," (trigger warnings: mentions psychological torture and suicide...more about this fic in a bit for those who would rather not read it because of those triggers) which features Arkham Knight Edward Nigma and Jonathan Crane, as well as a lady friend for Edward named Sara. It also features Erron Black and Cassie Cage from Mortal Kombat (Cassie is only mentioned in the story a few times).

If you read the blog intro/self-introduction post pinned at the top of my Tumblr, you know very well how I feel about Cassie Cage (particularly in MK11) and the Erron Black x Cassie Cage (BlackCage) pairing. Those negative feelings are mostly due to a very bad experience with a pushy BlackCage fan who just wouldn't relent one bit on their stance and it was emotionally and mentally draining to try and talk to them, including providing counter-arguments.

I've come up with alternate versions for "Volunteer" recently due to the spike in stress, depression, anxiety, and insecurities I've been dealing with as of late. This is where my followers come in!

I would like people to vote on which alternate take on "Volunteer" they would be interested in reading. Now, I can't guarantee when I'd get to it because, as I mentioned already, I've got a lot going on. However, I really want to try and write at least one alternate version of that fic, just to get some insecurities and negative thoughts off my chest.

Now, for those who are wary of reading "Volunteer" because of the trigger warnings, here's my advice: Just read the first chapter, if you want to. Chapter 2 deals directly with the sensitive subject matter, although, you can probably guess what happens anyway just by reading Chapter 1 and if you know anything about Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow...well, he likes to mess with people...mentally. To put it very mildly.

Now it's time for the voting. I have three different scenarios I've come up with that are variations/alternate versions of the current "Volunteer" fic's concept/storyline. I'd like followers to select 1 (one) alternate telling of the fic. I will open anonymous asks again, so if you are shy or just want your vote to remain a secret for some other reason, then that's fine by me. Otherwise, you can reply to this post with your choice.

Edit: if you are turned off by the idea of a Mortal Kombat/Batman Arkhamverse crossover, I get it. I don't read crossover fics myself, and that's usually because the crossovers either make no sense or do make sense but the ideas are poorly executed.

This crossover I'm talking about, though, isn't a full-on crossover of MK and Batman. There's no world-building, no larger plot, and no other characters in MK even appear or are mentioned except Erron Black and Cassie Cage.

If anything, it's more of a Batman Arkhamverse standard AU with Riddler and a female oc, and Erron and Cassie are the only concrete elements of MK brought in. I mean, yes, the other MK characters exist, I guess, but they have no purpose in this crossover I've written, and won't make any appearances.

So, if you had any concerns about the crossover aspect, I hope this clears things up

Choices below the cut!

A) "Don't You Wish"

This version is inspired by a song from Pink, called, "There You Go." In this alternate telling, Erron manages to survive Scarecrow's fear toxin, and escape (most likely because Erron is out of his mind and panicking, thus not a threat, and he has no one to help him, so Scarecrow doesn't give a damn what happens to the dude). The first thing Erron does is go to Sara's place, having already broken up with Cassie after realizing dating her was a mistake, and Sara means more to him than he thought.

Well, it's been several months since Sara basically pushed Erron out of her life for his poor choice in women, and (Arkham Knight) Edward Nigma has proven to be a much better (and, wiser and more sensible -- yes, I know, but he's not a skirt chaser, Guys) friend to Sara. While Erron ran off with a blonde selfie princess, Edward offered genuine comfort and companionship, and now Sara has been in the process of moving on from Erron even further.

Sara humors Erron and lets him tell her -- while sounding terrified, confused, and conflicted beyond belief thanks to the fear toxin -- what happened to him. Now, Sara doesn't know Edward asked Scarecrow to take care of Erron as a means of getting revenge for her. Doesn't matter anyway. She's unsympathetic towards Erron's plight, feeling as if he didn't even give her a chance to confess her feelings towards him, nor did he even seem to notice how she felt; it was like he was too busy with thinking with his privates to realize he had someone in front of him who would have treated him better.

Sara tells Erron -- in a flat, disinterested tone -- that his situation is tragic and all but wtf is she supposed to do? Why not go to his dumb blonde gf? Oh, they broke up? Well, how predictable. And Crane is also a (sort of) friend to Sara, which shocks Erron and leaves him feeling worse than before.

Sara sends Erron on his way, and he wanders off in a daze, unsure of what to do with his life now.

Sara and Edward meet the next day, and they have a pleasant time, obviously moving towards becoming a couple. She chooses not to mention Erron as she is completely severing the cowboy from her life.

B) "I Don't Even Miss You"

This alternate telling is similar to the previous one, but this time it's inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, "WTF Do I Know" (Hey, her Plastic Hearts album is actually fantastic!), and Edward is with Sara when Erron arrives at her place in a distressed state. At first, Sara deals with Erron in the hall of her apartment building, unsympathetic to his plight and basically telling him, "I told you so," and "too bad." Erron is getting more and more upset, even angry at Sara's callous tone, and starts to raise his voice, demanding to know why she is being so cold at a time like this?

Edward overhears Erron raising his voice to Sara, giving her a difficult time, and he gets pissed. Edward steps out into the hall and not only mocks Erron in various ways, but demands that he leave immediately, or what Scarecrow did will seem like a trip to Disney Land. Erron has caused Sara -- who is currently moving on and growing closer to Edward -- enough problems and heartache.

Edward reveals he set up Erron, and while Sara is stunned to find this out, she handles it better than expected. Edward said it was his way of getting revenge for her, and he'd do it again if need be. Erron is sent away feeling so much worse, feeling lost, hopeless, and betrayed.

Sara and Edward talk and she admits she's upset that he did something like this without speaking about it to her first. However, he explains that he genuinely did it for her and he doesn't want her to feel pain at the hands of some "idiotic cowman," who doesn't consider the feelings of others and who behaves like a greedy, violent Neanderthal. (And yes, Edward does care for Sara, and he didn't send Scarecrow after Erron out of jealousy -- maybe a little jealousy but it was mostly rage over Erron causing Sara so much emotional pain)

Sara means more to Edward than he can express, and he may not be the best when it comes to emotions, but he does care about her and wants her to be safe.

Sara forgives Edward, understanding that, through his heartfelt but very nervous and shy confession that he is sincere about his feelings for her, and they make amends. She of course tells him to never do something so extreme without consulting her first, though, because what happened to Erron -- while she doesn't care what happens to him in the slightest -- was a bit too much.

C) "Listen When the Devil's Calling"

Another title inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, "Night Crawling," and this alternate telling involves Telltale Riddler and no Scarecrow. Almost a year has passed since Erron went with Cassie and Sara, out of bitterness and heartache, refused to speak or see him. This didn't sit well with him as she was his only friend, and his relationship with Cassie dies within a few months.

He goes looking for Sara, realizing she has moved out of her apartment. It doesn't take him long to find out where she is, and she's with The Riddler, a notorious criminal genius and one of Gotham's elite villains. Erron is worried for Sara and seeks her out.

Turns out, Sara's just fine. This isn't one of those scenarios where the girl is with a guy who just using her and taking advantage of her vulnerability. No, Edward does actually love her and takes good care of her. He finds people like reckless, selfish, and ignorant people like Erron to be a disgrace but also amusing because of how pathetically primitive they are.

Edward also doesn't appreciate how Erron pushed aside a good thing in Sara to pursue a girl who is a social media brat and has more selfies on her phone than brain cells in her, well, brain. It defies all logic to Edward, but he's also not surprised because of how much of a disappointment Erron is as a human being (hey, this is Riddler we're talking about, and he's not one to be sweet and gentle to those he can't stand). Edward doesn't say these things out loud, though, as it's a bit too vulnerable and personal for him to do such a thing with someone he doesn't know or trust.

Sara is upset that Erron has resurfaced and she remembers how heartbroken she was when he went after Cassie Cage. She wants Erron to leave her alone like she asked, so she can move on. She can't trust him anymore, because he's just a skirt chaser in her eyes.

Erron tries to plead his case, tries to apologize to Sara, and expresses how he really feels, but this just distresses her further. Edward steps in and tells Erron he's done enough to Sara, she clearly doesn't want to see him, and he needs to take his leave.

This isn't a request.

Edward pulls Erron aside, telling the cowboy that the only reason he's going to walk away from this alive is that Sara hasn't asked for him to be killed. Should she tell Edward to take care of Erron, well, you all know what Telltale Riddler is like.

And those are the three variations on "Volunteer."

If you could be so kind as to:

leave a comment with your choice or

send an ask (even an anon ask) with your choice or

suggest your take on this story.

I'd appreciate it immensely!

Thank you all so much for supporting me and my writing and being patient with my sluggish publishing schedule!

[mothernaturesdaughter]

2, 12, 21 for the controversial ask thing ;)

(ooh thank you anon)

2. Unpopular Paul opinion

When I was a kid, I thought he was super ugly and never understood how he could be considered "the cute one", does that count? Also, I hate his old man voice and old man face, I'm sorry I know that's unfair but I just do.

(fyi i thought ringo was OBVIOUSLY the cutest one, i was like 7)

12. What do you think of Yoko’s art?

I'm going to put the rest of this post behind a cut because I have A LOT of thoughts on Yoko's art. I was an art school kid, so... uh, I'm sorry?

I really like Yoko's art. I listened to her solo stuff before I listened to John's, and her solo stuff is really cool particularly if you like early EDM. I love her album "Yes, I'm a witch", like, what an amazing title. Yoko being a troll and fully embodying her villain reputation is my favorite Yoko. Her voice is weird, yes, but it's part of her charm, and by that album she's fully in her "idgaf what you think" phase, so i highly recommend it.

(brief aside: yoko is a funny bitch??? and no one ever talks about it and i'm just like.... john lennon married her??? you know, famously funny sarcastic bastard john lennon?? people think she's 100% serious all the time when yoko is a huge troll)

With her performance/conceptual art, I've had a harder time. Some of it is because of my own taste: Yoko's art frequently tackles simple concepts (war, love, repeat, etc) in what can feel like trite childish ways. Yknow, it's a lot of stuff like writing "Give Peace a Chance" on a wall, or this Mommy piece, or writing "Peace" and "Dream" all over New York... Even the first piece John saw of hers, the Ceiling Painting/Yes painting, is so.... cutesy. I can totally see how it appealed to John though, it's very Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

It's interesting to try and pinpoint where my own discomfort with her art comes from, because I think it's related to how hermetic Yoko is as an artist and as a person. Her art never feels personal, you never really get a sense of why she cares about these topics and what she has to say about them beyond the obvious.

But who am I to demand access to the true feelings of Yoko Ono? I think that's what makes Yoko so infuriating to people: she refuses to perform interiority for us. She refuses to show her pain through her art, to share her inner feelings (especially her grief) and being refused this access, we interpret her in the least charitable way possible. I think Yoko's feminism is very much of the "women don't owe you anything, and me in particular, I owe you less than nothing and certainly not an explanation" variety. She's not interested in being liked, and not even in being understood. I think for Ono, control is power.

That's why I think her feminist art is so much more interesting than the anti-war stuff. It's easy to forget how fundamental Yoko's work was to early 1960s and 70s feminism. In a way, I think her relationship with John was detrimental to the way we view her legacy. I'll be honest, up until I started writing this ask, I thought Cut Piece (her performance art piece from 1964 where she allowed people to cut her clothes off her) was derivative of Marina Abramović's Rythm 0, but Marina's actually happened almost a decade after Cut Piece, and Yoko's influence on it is undeniable.

This kind of misremembering for me is a symptom of how little due Yoko gets even in the art scene, and it's definitely because of her relationship with John. In a way, I think her career would've been better off without him, which is funny.

(note that i say career as in "artistic appreciation of her work", not money or even fame wise, calm down)

In regards to John-and-Yoko, I think actually they both made each other kind of worse?? at art?? In a way, that makes them so fucking interesting to me. Their vibes are so badly matched, even musically, that it's hard to understand how John could feel so strongly about this partnership. It always feels like John is a rock and roll guy to his core, while Yoko is more interested in dance music and noise. I admit I've listened to "Double Fantasy" and thought "Ugh I wish Yoko was a better singer" because the dissonance is... a lot. But actually, if you imagine an alternative universe where Yoko got together with someone like idk, Bowie, I think her music in that album could've sounded way better.

tldr; yoko's art is good, but john and yoko are one of those artistic partnerships where everyone is worse

21. Was George closer to John than Paul in the ±18 months after the first acid trip?

Nah 😂In my experience, profound revelations under psychedelics last about 48 hours.

[comicreliefmorlock]

#WomenInHorror - Relic - Oh, the Thoughts

I bet you thought @tlbodine would get to this first, huh? HAH!

So as part of our ongoing quest to inflict doctorate-level studies of horror film on ourselves for... the sake of doing it, Wuffie and I have been watching a lot of horror movies. Having finished our #HorrorThruTheDecades quest, we moved on to #WomenInHorror, focusing on horror films directed by women.

She's written quite a bit about the movies we've been watching. However, this last week, we watched a film that inspired me into a long-winded post-mortem after we finished it.

Relic is a 2020 Australian horror film directed by Natalie Erika James, focusing on a three-generation family struggle between a grandmother, a mother and a daughter.

Edna, the grandmother, has been missing for several days when her daughter Kay and granddaughter Sam arrive to check on her. We get a little from Kay hinting that her relationship with her mother has been strained, and alternatively, defense of Edna by her granddaughter Sam who has a completely different relationship with her. (As tends to happen with grandparents and grandchildren.) Clues are laid out to hint that Edna may be succumbing to Alzheimer's and quite honestly, the movie does a very good job in showing how absolutely difficult it is to deal with that. Especially in the family situation involving the shift in power dynamic that happens when a parental figure suddenly needs a lot of careful, supportive care.

And Robyn Nevin as Edna? Fantastic. Sympathetic and terrifying all at once.

I won't spoil the film's ending here--you've got to go below the cut for that--but it's at once poignant and plays fair emotionally with the film's overall tone.

Now, for what I went off at great length at Wuffie about... [#triggerwarning for child abuse discussion]

Relic is pretty clearly intended to be a film about grief, aging, the inevitability of death and how part of dealing with health issues in older generations involves facing that you yourself one day may be in that exact situation.

What it also does really, really well--albeit unintentionally but strongly enough that it hit me across the face with a shoe--is create a solid metaphor for intergenerational child abuse.

Fairly early on in the film, the granddaughter Sam discovers a black mold staining a wall inside of a cluttered closet. This black mold becomes a consistent visual element that shows in nightmares, in the house and on Edna herself, staining her skin like a bruise. This mold, through the nightmares, is visually tied to a now-demolished smaller house that'd once stood on the family grounds and was the home of a "great-grandfather" mentioned once directly and alluded to in several nightmare sequences.

This mold grows on stained glass windows that were transplanted from the former house, spreads across the interior of the house itself and spreads across Edna's skin.

Several visual cues tie the black mold to the "great-grandfather" who, in one nightmare sequence, is shown sitting on the edge of a narrow bed before collapsing forward, out of sight. When the camera pans over, a human figure is etched in black mold on the floor.

At the end of the film, after Edna's transformation--you really ought to watch the movie to know what I mean--and the joining of three generations of women in silence together, Sam spies a black spot on her mother Kay's back, hinting at that same mold that destroyed Edna.

Incestuous child abuse is insidious and yet, from the memoirs I've read, always seems to be something the family "knows about" and simply doesn't discuss. A grandparent, a cousin, an aunt or uncle is abusing the family children--sometimes singling out one child, sometimes abusing every child--and the family is aware of this, but no actual steps are taken to bring the abuser to justice.

The cycle of abuse is fairly commonly known, but the long-term effects of child sexual abuse aren't always as easily identified by the public. Alcohol and drug abuse are extremely common amongst child sexual abuse survivors, as well as an inability to develop healthy, trusting relationships with other adults. Difficulties in parenting can also arise as the person who suffered abuse may fear the same thing happening to their child or be struggling emotionally and not able to show their child the affection they need.

Much like the insidious spread of black mold in out-of-sight places, causing illnesses that can't be immediately identified and threatening the structural integrity of a house, incestuous child abuse absolutely threatens and even destroys lives. It's hard to spot at a glance, hides in plain sight--in closets, cupboards, under stairs, behind furniture--and causes illnesses that can be attributed to more "acceptable" causes.

With the clear visual tie to the once-mentioned "great-grandfather" that isn't mentioned between the family members again, it's not hard to go a bit further and consider him the unmentioned, unnamed family abuser. His actions tainted the house he lived in, the remnants brought from it--Edna says later in the film how much she hates the stained glass windows, how cold and scared she feels when she passes them--and spread not only through the house but through the family itself.

And this mold--and the effects of intergenerational incestuous abuse--hits all three women in this family differently.

Edna, theoretically the member of the family who suffered direct abuse, is physically tainted by the black mold to the point it literally degenerates her body. Aspects of her behavior--disliking having "help" or needing to ask for it, offering a token to her granddaughter one day, demanding it back the next, trying to save photo albums from 'the house' by burying them--seemed strikingly like a woman whose coping mechanisms are now failing her.

She mentions believing someone is breaking into her house, stating it only began after the death of her husband. Alone in a massive house with visual, physical ties to the location of her abuse, feeling vulnerable and struggling to push away memories, Edna's actions feel like a cry for help that she can't verbalize because to do so would be to admit not only the vulnerability she feels now, but the fact that it's equivalent to how vulnerable she was as a child, being abused.

Fairly early on in Relic, Kay makes it clear that she and her mother are not particularly close. She makes attempts to stay in contact, but isn't invested in her mother's day to day life and has actually distanced herself to a degree. Her daughter Sam has a closer and more openly affectionate relationship with Edna. Kay mentions her mother threatening to lock her in the old house "when she was a brat" and seems to want a comfortable distance between herself and her mother.

A parent who has endured abuse as a child can have profound difficulty in bonding with their own children. Healthy sexual intercourse and adult relationships are tainted by child abuse experiences, and some memoires have mentioned being pregnant making them feel "dirty" as if they'd committed some great sin. Bonding with an infant while struggling with those emotions can lead to distant parenting and leave a child with an insecure emotional attachment.

Sam, the granddaughter, is the least damaged by the intergenerational abuse at the beginning of the film. She has an affectionate relationship with her grandmother, seems actively interested in doing what she can to help Edna and scolds her mother for not taking a more prominent role. When Sam finds a sketchbook with a sketch of the 'great-grandfather's' house, she doesn't know what it is or to whom it belonged. The cycle of abuse has been broken; Sam isn't even aware that abuse happened.

What she does is learn of it through a visual metaphor for unearthing family history. Discovering the black mold in the closet and pursuing a ghostly figure into what becomes a nightmarish labyrinth that has echoes of the home she'd always felt safe in plays very well as the realization for an unabused member of a family learning about the abuse that happened. What was loving and familiar is suddenly alien and terrifying, threatening and tainted.

By the end of the film--rather an emotionally poignant moment--all three women have been hurt by this black mold (i.e. incestuous abuse) and have come together in a moment of quiet rest. Edna, completely altered into a shell of who she once was, with Kay, accepting that what happened is fact and had effects on her as well, and Sam, who now understands a great deal about her mother and grandmother.

Every generation in the family has been affected to some degree, even if the cycle of abuse was fortunately broken. The black mold not only completely transformed Edna internally, expressed in a striking visual moment, but also tainted her daughter. Even the granddaughter, although physically unharmed by the mold, has been permanently changed by learning about what happened in her family and feeling her perceptions twist (frighteningly so) from what she once held to what she now knows.

While I don't think the film intended to be such a great visual metaphor for the horrific effects of incestuous family abuse and the intergenerational damage it causes, it did an incredibly good job of being one.

[leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst]

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (Scott Rand)

LT1 Startalk Interview at the Bristol Hotel 25/01/20

with Petra Stumpf

https://www.lt1.at/sendungen/stars_society/ich-bin-ein-sehr-sexueller-mensch/

https://youtu.be/FAw2HtQQhx0

That was back then, Tom Neuwirth alias Conchita Wurst, a diva who won the Eurovision Song Contest for Austria in 2014.

And this is nowadays. Wurst, fetish look and electro pop. With his third album Tom has freed himself. We meet the Upper Austrian in his adoptive home Vienna at the hotel bar in the Bristol next to the Opera. What hasn't changed is that the star is punctual to the minute.

Petra Stumpf: Welcome to LT1 startalk, my guest today - how do I address you Conchita, Tom or Wurst, which do you prefer?

Tom: It's up to you, I use to say at the end of the day it's always Wurst (it's all the same to me). With a certain look I feel more like a woman, whatever that means and in certain looks I am more masculine, whatever that means and at the end of the day I don't care. One cannot generalise, of course for many people their identity is important and how they see themselves. I realize more and more that gender should be completely irrelevant in a society.

P: I was very curious in which look you would turn up today, blond, bald, long hair, short hair, at the moment everything is possible when it comes to you. Does it depend on your current mood or is it calculative if you turn up as a male or female?

T: There are concerts and events where I know I want to wear an evening gown and release my inner Mariah Carey, on other days I have no concept at all and put up what I fancy at the moment. Some things need a certain preparation, when I want to bleach my hair, I can't decide it on the spot and two hours later I'm blond and the story about the bald head was, that I wanted to express - I did't want to express anything with the bald head per se - but I had joined the Opera Ball to advertise the EU elections and when I shaved my head, I hadn't even known yet that I would go to the Opera Ball. In retrospect it had been destiny and was supposed to happen exactly like that and to answer the question, I seldom reflect, sometimes I fancy something but if something else comes up that is more in line, then I change my mind.

P: Your impact on me is that you feel very liberated since this transformation, is that true?

T: I started to reconsider rules I don't even know who made them and to discard them and find out what makes me happy instead of saying: I have to be the president's wife, that's what people expect and what sells, I'm also in the priviliged situation to say, I don't care, I do what I want and feel but during the process I develop and reconsider so many things and I don't know if everyone thinks it's funny, but I always say it's essential to learn how to read and write. It's important for communication, but how needs spelling?

P: Seriously?

T: If I understand what you want to tell me, for example if you write an essay in German full of blooming imagination and there are twists in the story and it's interesting to read, and then you have 5 spelling errors and fail to pass the exam.

P: I agree about that, but it repels me if someone writes to me on Whatsapp and there are 1000 spelling errors. That's awful.

T: It doesn't matter to me, as long as I understand what you mean.

P: Since you say it is Wurst to you, you recorded your new album as Wurst, finest electro pop, it is autobiographic and was a kind of therapy for you, is that true?

T: Yes, the lyrics and music were written by Eva Klampfer, Lylit, an Upper Austrian and it was produced by Albin Janoska, who is the electro guru in this country. In this triad we made this great album. Eva spent many hours with me and learned a lot about me and I often repeat it, I'm not sure if she wanted to know all of it. But when one doesn't write the lyrics oneself, one can only achieve an authentic piece of music when I'm candid and all of these titles are of course metaphors of all the things I experienced and I know what each song is about and considered if I should explain it or write it into the booklet but then I thought, it's nobody's business and I want to keep it to myself and don't want to impose to the audience what to interpret into those songs. I love to make music videos, I can't write songs, but I hear music and see pictures and I can convert that, that's my essential part and I love to do it but with it I already open a world that indicates a certain direction and emotions, but it's too much fun to miss out on it.

P: I have to show the booklet and for example this picture, videos and booklet are very revealing, very erotic with fetish outfits, did it take you a lot of effort, because your parents and your granny see it too.

T: I'm a very sensual person and I'm not shy with my family, they know me so well, they have known me when I still wet my pants. I don't have to pretend what I am and sometimes I think it will not be her favourite topic for my granny in her crochet round but I am what I am and that's the result of their upbringing. My parents have no reason for complaining about my liberalness or that I live my life in the public, I am the person I am because they raised me that way.

P: Did your parents teach you the facts of life or was it your grandmother, sometimes the grandparents do that.

T: Funny that you address this topic. No, it was my aunt, she's awesome and during Christmas one discusses everything. My aunt is responsible or was a good deal involved in my fashion aesthetics. Listen, my aunt took me to the first musical I have ever seen, Rocky Horror Picture Show, imagine I was about - when is one admitted into such a show, I think 12, and I remember my aunt asked me: "Do you know what a virgin is?" and I replied: "My Mum was born in August, so she's a Virgo." and then there was a talk with my mother if she was allowed to explain it to me and she did and then I came into this show as a 12 year old gay boy and was amazed. What, one can do this, this is allowed? And everyone thinks it's awesome, she revealed a whole new world to me and I still remember what she wore, a transparent Woolford body that only covered the breasts in the shape of a lava lamp and Yoko Ono flares with slits at the sides that where overlapping, so when she walked her bare legs were displayed. My aunt is a fashion icon and that's where my liberty comes from, I think nobody was surprised.

P: You don't often come to Upper Austria, where your family is, but on 12th March you will come to the Posthof in Linz because you are on tour with the new songs. This home game in Linz is something special for you?

T: I'm totally looking forward to it. Linz is always special for me. I have a tour, there will be some concerts in Germany, I'll be in Poland and will also be in Austria and Linz is magic, I can't describe it, it's also the audience that likes to experience music and there are people who are not my fans per se, but who are interested in new music. That's so cool, I'm not always that open-minded, I think rock is not my cup of tea, but okay I'm going to listen to it. People in Linz are totally relaxed and I'm looking forward. And it will be different with my live band and it will be awesome.

P: You are a fantastic live performer, I've often seen you and take my hat off to you. Back then in Linz, international fans had come completely dressed in Conchita outfit. How do they deal with the transformation, do they go along with it and come now with short hair?

T: It's exciting you mention this, I love my fans and they are crazy in an affectionate way and travel from everywhere around the world and then sit there and listen to this concert for the 14th time and are still enthusiastic and have fun to ponder, ah there he didn't know the lyrics, he has forgotten them again and that's so cool, because it's simply the truth. Without those fans who come regularly, I wouldn't exist and without them I wouldn't be able to shine in certain situations, because sometimes you come to an event and notice, ah maybe they don't find me that awesome but there are always people present I can rely on and who say I don't care what happens behind my back, I'm here because of you and I celebrate you so much and then it spreads. It's exciting how such a relationship we have after all develops, particularly because of the different look and music and there are many who sighingly say, I want to hear the ballads and I understand that, I also love the ballads, but there's a time for everything.

P:  Variety is that extra something.

T: Absolutely. It's a challenge for me and a whole different vocal field, suddenly it's about voice colours and textures and not how long can I scream this note, and I can hold it for a long time.

P: Will you play none of your ballads on this tour?

T: Not at the moment. I have the occasional concerts with an orchestra, the next ones will be in Sydney and I'm thrilled to go back to Australia after many years, the current situation there is everything else but delightful but I'm very content not to let this orchestra programme die either, because it's so much fun. Also From Vienna With Love I recorded with the symphonic orchestra is a gift for me and then retrieve it a year later and say: I still can do it! That's cool, you know.

P: We are in Vienna today and not in Upper Austria, as you hardly come to us anymore.

T: Don't emphasize it that much, it's like that at the moment, I will come back.

P: On 12th March at the latest he'll be there at the concert. But we are now at the hotel Bristol in Vienna and you also have a special connection to this place.

T: I have a deep attachment to this hotel, one of my all-time favourite photos was taken by Mrs Ziegelböck, who also comes from Upper Austria. There was a fashion photo shoot for Rondo and we are often here and everytime I give interviews we get support from the staff and they provide us with these awesome suites and catering and we are pleased to see each other, there's appreciation and it's such a traditional building, rich in history and I was allowed to work abroad, but when I come back home, I love Austria, I love Vienna so much, in my opinion it's the coolest city in the world.

P: It was ranked the most livably city too. And the most unfriendly one.

T: If you allow to be insulted, I'm above that.

P: I continue with the word rap.

Question: Do you prefer to be man or woman?

T: We already discussed, I don't care.

Question: I can imagine having children one day.

T: That's tough. I've considered how I would raise a child, what values I would convey and what it would mean. But I'm not ready to have children, because I'm so egocentric and have some interhuman deficits. You wanted a short reply. I have no idea.

Question: I like to sleep...

T: For a long period of time and you want something provocative. I sleep in the nude.

Question: What are you not able to do?

T: I'm bad at waiting and I sometimes get bitchy. My friends who work with me know me well enough to know that when I start giving curt replies.

Question: Your favourite place?

T: My apartment, my nest. After a period of travelling a lot, one's own bed is priceless.

Question: I learned most things from...

T: All people I meet. I recognise afterwards when one sits together during the holidays, I have it from you that I always run around half naked.

Question: The inscription on my tombstone should read.

T: I hope I won't have a tombstone. I'll be cremated.

P: But there has also to be a place for the urn. Maybe in someone's cupboard at home.

T: If I want to annoy them I'll write into my will: You have to place me beside your television. I want it to be stagy, get cremated and scatter the ash around.

P: Then one cannot visit you anymore.

T: You don't have to. That's overrated, everyone shall carry me inside their hearts.

P: No grave of honour in Vienna?

T: The dress from the Eurovision inside a showcase is sufficient.

P: Thank you, it was very funny.

T: What a great interview.