#i have a lot of things in my head abt her
Text
10 years later
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itafushi#itafushikugi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#least heterosexual group photo ive ever drawn tbh#u have the kings of subtle pda and their judgy lesbian third wheel#this does remind me a lot of the kind of art i used to do jhgdjghdfj#specifically that one furuba main trio piece i did forever ago. same vibe better art#anyway......i tried my best........ i tried so hard#i do not know how old they look . the goal was 25/26 but atp i've gaslit myself into thinking they look the same#especially megumi im so . throws hands in the air in defeat#but idk what else i can do cries at least i like it??? i think???????#i don't know!!! if they look younger than 25 whatever!!!!!!!!#why is it so hard fr me to make chars look older im gna slam my head against the door#maybe its fine. idc <- (lie)#in other news itfs are married fight me abt it . yuuji rockin the right hand ring fr Lack Of Finger reasons#also i am Eating nobara's fit . she might also look a bit younger than intended the more i look at her gDI why cant i have nice things#new hairstyle carrying tbh. i think she would a. grow it out and b. switch the side she parts it on to make Seeing easier#god just take it all tht really matters 2 me is low pony nobara and Rings On Fingers itfs#i did my time in yoi i know how to make wedding bands Work
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
I have so many thoughts that I genuinely cannot express with words. At least with my. Current ability of speaking and explaining stuff. It is impossible to say so many things.
#this isnt meant to be a sad post#justtttt thoughtsssss#idk. do yall know that i think about jimmy a lot#i have a lot of things in my head abt her#but they do not translate to text form#i have tried before and eugh. its hard to do and it mever turns out how i really mean it#why are words hard#yall just have to read my mind#and get the ideas and energies from there#blegh
0 notes
Text
Yippee
#art tag#pokemon#pokespe#pokemon special#pokespe silver#spe silver sunday#hey. caught me at a really bad time. lots of enstars things happening#id love to talk abt spe silver my beloved but oh my god. oh my god#theres knight killers scout theres crossroads theres marionette getting fully voiced theyre not letting me rest literally#theyre senind kuro kiry at me from all angles its terrifying#anyways this post it about a differnet redhead my bad. have yoh seen this guy#i miss drawign art spreads like this its so fun#i shouldve drawn blue somewhere..... so sorry for not including her :(#and sorry for drawing silvers hgss design but gold and crystals gsc designs theyre simply easier to draw#thats all. not looking at this art anymore lest i start noticing mistakes and crying#for example his heads in a weird position on that middle drawign. goodbye❗️❗️❗️❗️#happy spe silver sunday everyone
877 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I'd be up shit's creek by myself. I was by myself. It's not great."
"Yeah. No, it's not."
#critical role#orym of the air ashari#orym#ashton greymoore#cr spoilers#ashrym#biting and gnawing my leg off i WILL be thinking abt this for the next month#and YEs i do think ashton has some sorta something feelings going on for orym. no i will not elaborate i just know these things#it's my autism enhanced perception. i know what ashton is.#on a non-ashrym related note: SO glad someone FINALLY checked on orym#also glad i wasn't reading into things thinking ashton was noticing orym being off. he made some Faces that i hoped meant they noticed.#orym needed someone to say this to him. he needs someone to keep him grounded.#as much as i love fearne and orym and i DO think she's helped him for the better...fearne is not a very grounding person#but that's what's good about her#i think ashton could be a very good gronded person for orym. platonically or romantically.#as much as ashton likes to toot their horn abt being unstable and wild and chaotic...#they're probably the most level-headed and grounded after orym#they're more likely to pick the more chaotic choice but they do it in such a calm and chill way y'know?#i have a lot of ashton thoughts. i think he's so wrong to have raised his hand esp after fcg's freakout.#he didn't raise a hand against them#okAY I WILL. stfu now byeeeee
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes i'm like. am i actually a narcissist? just for a moment. then i remember that from the ages of like 12-19 i eschewed all other photographs or more normal forms of decoration to keep a framed photo of myself on either my desk or my bedside table where i could look at it constantly. cuz i thought i looked cute and confident and no it did not occur to me i might like to have a photo of like, a family member or some cool trees or something i just took like 7 years to go huh wait other people don't keep a photograph of themselves on their desks? what do you do when you want to look at yourself go all the way to a mirror??? anyway it wasn't realizing this was unusual that made me stop the photo just got water damage
#rip it genuinely made me so happy bc it was like 10-y-oldish me lounging upside down in a chair#with my hands behind my head just smiling the hugest most smug smile#everything Went Wrong when i was 8 or 9 so maybe i was younger when it was taken? or i was just on an upswing/good day#but tinyme exuded so much confidence in that photo it acted like a coping mechanism trigger object#id look at it and just go 'hell YEAH we're crushing it'. (reader i was not crushing it ever)#anyway just thought of this bc i was thinking abt the shit therapist i saw once b4 i got a better one recently#where i shared i 'found it useful to use npd as a framework to help me manage' i.e 'i self-dxed and i'm right but i'm gonna act#like i could be wrong. also all dxes are bullshit to some degree'#and then like. 5 min later i was explaining some of the things i've already worked on and what i wanted to#and my general mental profile blah blah. and she was like 'um... wow you think a lot about yourself!' and i literally just.#looked at her and then pointed to myself and said 'i mean#narcissism...'#anyway she got fired or smth and the guy i have now is chill. this can count as a life update ig#sunflower radio hour#vic talks#my arms are killing me i should not have typed........... Hubris.
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am once again thinking about The Boy
not the movie lol
#give it up for day 13#how has it just been 13 days since my first time seeing him in so long#🙈💕 i like how i haven't had A Crush in a sec and the last person it was on was him lol.#there's a lot of little stuff that's changed since then abt myself and between us ig but good lord i have never been more attracted to him#than i am now 😵💫😵💫 seeing him in sweats and a sleeveless turtleneck that first day has just had him in my head every day since#like HELP he's hot 😭 but then like... so am i omg (｡ﾉω＼｡) actually cleaning my place finally so i can have him over lol#i know I'm hot but at the same time i forget ykwim.. until i look in a mirror or see a picture and I'm like oh right i exist.#anyways ms ma'am is getting better at talking to her friends abt these kinds of things ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ ♡#i say that there's nothing I'd do for a lover that i wouldn't do for a friend and that i just love ppl fundamentally#and i know this is my true self‚ but I'm somewhat new to living that in practice and on purpose.#I'm a little clumsy i think but no one's seemed to mind 🙈💕 i am happy that I'm learning and i am happy to deepen my friendship#and i look forward to how much easier this will be to navigate a yr from now ^.^ I've been polyamorous for a year and a half ig#and i feel like I've found my comfort zone yk? :3 ♡ what being polyamorous Means To Me#it's good to be here.. i look forward to the friends i will make after i move and i wish i was more forward w the boy sooner omg#but it's okay. he won't be Too far away it's just a bit of a trip. i wanna have him over a couple times before i leave tho and hopefully#many more at the next place ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡ but i will visit him too hehe his family's rly nice
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
caroljess + stardust
microfic monday
CAROL/JESS • marvel • STARDUST
saz sent in caroljess and i immediately started thinking about carol as a cosmic entity and jess, while super, as a largely grounded kinda hero. then i started thinking about carol’s memories and getting sad again and then i was just wailing over them in general and this happened lmao
#marvel#jessica drew#carol danvers#caroljess#marvel fic#microfic monday#jane microfic monday#mm4#jane writes sometimes#THANK U SAZ!!!!!!#this was going in a different direction in my head at first but then i thought abt how carol like#keeps losing her memories recurringly esp w jess#like her amnesia was how jess met and saved her#but then once carol sacrificed a lot to save the world and lost like. herself and her memories and stuff too#which fucked jess up understandably even if it wasn’t about like. the personal small things#but they matter too. ykwim. ANYWAY. i miss them so bad THANK U i miss u too 😭#also the challengers one totally counts HAHA i will have to tell u the dilemma that led me to watching it#fun fact! this is my 19th microfic so far
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
every time i am around older queer people the more i am convinced i was meant to be an older queer person. not bc i have this fantasy of living in decades past that were much worse but bc i get along with and agree w them so much better. so much of modern queer discourse is painfully white, binary, and completely regressive while painting itself as revolutionary and i just want to crack jokes w some cool older butch lesbians every time i encounter discourse that makes me want to bash my head into the wall
#my professor in this one class is a lesbian in her 60s#and so many times she will say things that immediately either piss off or confuse the very lgbtqia+ alphabet mafia crowd in the class#while im sitting there like no no let her speak shes literally correct#and do not mistake me i am accepting of my lot in life as a 24 year old dyke okay i know the community i am going to be in and around#and love them all dearly and will stick up to their right to exist#but i will say. some of them annoy the living fuck out of me and we cannot have productive conversations#bc i always end up feeling like i need to take a walk to calm myself lmfaoooooo#AND ANOTHER CLARIFICATION BC WE NEED 20 CAVEATS ON TUMBLR.COM#this is not abt r//adical feminism im not talking abt transgender ppl existing as smth that annoys me abt the modern community#i just think older queer people actually have their heads screwed on and don't get as caught up in The Bullshit as we do#and i envy them for it
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Actually I don’t think I’ll ever forgive how Wash’s disability and subsequent ‘cure’ was handled.
#beans speaks#personal#rvb#red versus blue#the Carolina and wash plotline was a lil ehhh bc I don’t think they gave Carolina’s attitude abt his new limits a healthy foil#like it would have been see easy to have Dr Grey or Wash himself parallel her fear and frustration#and it could have gotten into such character depth too!#shine a light on her past trauma with losing people/them getting hurt to show that a lot of her perspective is ultimately selfish#which isn’t ‘wrong’ it’s normal considering what she’s been through but she needs to respect wash’s autonomy!#I haven’t seen 0 but. I heard. they gave him a. a fucking AI and it was all yippee he’s fine#as though that doesn’t go against like a major personal boundary of Wash (not a big fan of ai in his head) while also ignoring the whole.#yeah we just have to deal with this. it’s not fun and it’s gonna suck sometimes but it doesn’t change our love or respect.#sorry if I sound insane I also haven’t watched that season in a while and I’m. a lil. wooo tonight y’know#like as a disabled person w a progressive condition that is stopping me from doing things I used to be able to do#and will continue to limit my abilities as the years go by#it makes me wanna tear someone limb from fucking limb
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
hang on are cougars like panthers
#'the cougar also known as the panther' SCREAM#dont mind me rewatching carmilla as a side effect of my newfound interest in vampires#you'd think it was renewed interest in vampires but no#i actually have never been all that interested in vampires as their own thing i was just gay#and i dont think carmilla really explored the concept itself#like A* in using the medium. D or whatever in exploring their subject matter#actually tbf their subject matter was lesbianism so. again probably an A. they knew what they wanted and they did it well#idk how letter grades work tbh#also not actually sure how much they got into the vampire thing which is why im rewatching to check#bc i was reading iwtv and i was like damn carmilla left stuff on the table#but i also think a lot went over my head#even just english wise im a little stunned at how much i didnt catch. like i was fluent in 2015 for sure but. you do keep learning words#also carmilla is like a popculture remix and i dont have a lot of popculture knowledge so a lot of that went over my head too#now i have just enough to know that im missing a lot#like theres a line in s1 where laura goes 'im living with a vampire. an honest to lestat vampire' and like. never caught that#bc i didnt know how the fuck that was fhkjghgh#but anyway im watching s2 and laura's like 'vampire seductress here is just crabby bc im not falling for her 17th century idea of game'#and like they keep calling armand Ancient right? but carmilla is not much younger#just the difference in framing is what made me start thinking abt it all#like carmilla is 400smth and laura is aware abt that to joke abt it and probably thinks it's a little hot but then you think abt how they#depict that kinda age with armand like what he says to madeleine. 'how do you go on when everything from your era is gone'#and sure carmilla has that loneliness but DAMN. like fuck. shes been doing this same trick. being like the abigail hobbs to the dean for#centuries? i mean there was that century or idk how long where she was buried alive or whatever. but THAT TOO#like damn fuck!!!!!!!!!! ive been going through the fanfic again this week and like there really isnt much#at least doesnt seem to be much that explores this. unless it's in all the aus bc i filtered those out (and still got them)#also interesting difference is if i remember correctly the hollstein happy ending is that carmilla becomes human#in iwtv of course like every important relationship is between vampires. and every lover turns vampire. and every vampire is a lover#sorta. bc abuse themes and stuff. so the inversion makes sense but wouldnt it have been kinda cool if she turned laura tho#anyway. can you believe they were like 'well shes a cougar thats her job and also her supernatural power' dhfkhjgkh as i said: A*
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
not a sad ‘woe is me’ post so don’t send me weird messages but: the thing abt cycling through every ED possible and being bulimic for like 10 yrs & making yourself vomit up to 10x times per day on ur worst days is that your teeth and gums will eventually give out on you (bc it doesn’t make a difference if you’ve been good & it doesn’t matter how well you’ve taken care of your teeth for the last x years) and u will be 30 years old crying to your very sweet and kind dentist when she tells you about the 1 million things that are wrong with ur teeth
#anyway i feel strongly compelled to quit my job and dedicate my entire life to speaking out abt eating disorders#& doing research & writing & advocating for people who are suffering#women who are suffering#i think this is honestly my life’s calling!!!! i just don’t know where to start#you know movies glamorize having anorexia & it’s always like: she is the most beautiful girl in the world…but so sad…she doesn’t eat :(#i need to make movies that have scenes like that one chapter of i’m glad my mom died:#where jennette has been throwing up like 15 times a day and her tooth falls out#and she’s literally just like: yeah i’ll deal with that later#& instead of writing about a beautiful skinny white girl who is upset about eating carrots at inpatient#i would just force people to read/watch the things in this thread:#https://www.reddit.com/r/EDAnonymous/s/H1C3JZyvFK#because that’s the reality#the one comment in that thread ‘i ate something poisonous because i hoped it would make me puke’#like yeah same. LOL. & i always thought i was the only one so fucked in the head#anyway society is very cruel to women and i need to do something about it. genuinely whereeee do i even begin#i guess i have been writing a lot abt my personal experience and all the disgusting things ppl like to avoid talking abt#and how my mother made me this way etc#i could def make a memoir out of it. maybe i’ll do that.#i would love to have more options than just. trauma porn.#ah anyway maybe i’ll open a nonprofit. IDK. i just need to make a lot of noise somehow
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
is it time for the 8am long incoherent ashe winters characterization essay.........
#thinking abt him a lot. also hey this is a question that sucks to ask and kind of sounds like an asshole but like. j/rwi fandom mcyt-#adjacent was we've established. are folks going to be upset if i don't she/her transfem ashe? is this like. a thing? i have the thinking ab#for 1 million hours in my head essay also primed and ready to go if this is a thing.#pd lb
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ve come to notice that we can’t have a show/movie that doesn’t center whiteness in some way mainstream or not because white ppl can’t picture themselves in characters that aren’t white while that’s all we had to do
#this isn’t revolutionary#and it’s not a new thing I’ve noticed#but take for example there was a challenge on booktok to read books by bipoc authors they mid to less reviews#saying that it was good but ultimately I couldn’t connect with the mc and that’s a load of bull#because if you know you don’t have an imagination to put yourself in the mc’s shoes why take part in the challenge#like most dystopians ya books are things that have happened to a poc community that a white person is after of happening to them#like katniss was or at least was coded to be indigenous and it makes a lot of sense but ppl can’t wrap there head around it because her mom#and sister are light with light eyes who gonna tell them that indigenous ppl can be light with light eye#the hunger games is African American history ppl always say who would win or what would happen if we ever went into on but-#it already happened to African American ppl in America but nobody wants to talk abt#why do you think they do any other form of interracial relationship besides white and some other ethnicity#late night brainrot#I just had to get that out#my thoughts
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it#my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store#and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person#dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much#for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is#trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u#treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her#dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a#god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close#my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he#feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom#which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were#saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were#a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was#distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their#relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her#expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she#grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear#in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i#saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The#Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and#unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much#unrelated
14 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
shadowymetalhead
Shadowymetalhead
vlfies
lia .
ryu-kage
ǝƃɐʞnʎꓤ
diha-artwork
diha
maoxstar
Do it like the magician's trick ♫