#i have a high self concept & believe i deserve a highlight reel life with thoughtful of me loved ones & joy & success & opportunities

[midnightcitymoon]

All my wishes always come true and the universe/powers that be grant me all that I ask for or better

11:11 ☆MiracleMakeAWishComeTrueSpell🌙

Eleven-Eleven, This is a call to all angels in heaven, give me a miracle and make my wish come true!

🌜☄⭐🕤🕙🕦⭐🕯🕯📰🎁🎆🎈🎉🎖🔜🔝🔔🕯💰📰💳📧📭🔥🗝🔮🛡🌟☄🌛🌞🌈

Like to Charge, Reblog To Cast spell

[lunar-magnolia]

@honestlyshamelesscollector thank you for asking me this!! I'm really happy to share my thoughts, I hope to answer your questions in the best way possible akdjsk

I absolutely agree with you about Xie Lian. He does indeed grow a lot, even though he does so in a traumatic way.

***A little disclaimer: these are just my thoughts here, first impressions having read the novel once, plus watched the donghua and read the manhua a couple of times. I'm no expert at all, but I have lots of feelings about this akdjskfmf

**Putting a read more because long lmao

Young Xie Lian's dream was to become a god and save the common people. And present Xie Lian does it everyday, as much as he can. The biggest lesson he got growing up was probably the fact that he can't save everyone at the same time, but saving (or helping) even just one person was enough. He might be a god, but he is still one person. Having godly powers doesn't make him omniscient or give him the ability to suddenly work on a bigger scale than he could when he was human.

Book 4 in particular highlights just how much the present Xie Lian has changed from the Crown Prince that Pleased The Gods, filled with the idealism of a young man and maybe just a little bit spoiled, to the kind and humble Scrap Immortal that does everything in his power to help the people he comes across.

We see him starting to change as soon as book 2 though. When he tries to both save the Imperial Capital from being invaded and save the Yong'an people from the draught, it's the first time Xie Lian faces the limits of his godly status and power. He divides his time to keep it going for a bit, but in the end he's exhausted and overwhelmed, and he can't do it anymore. Even though he is a god. The inevitable consequences of his own actions and the fall of Xianle challenged his idealism and destroyed his heart so hard that he almost gave in and took his revenge on innocent people. But one person is enough, right?

One could argue that Xie Lian never really had it in him to do it, and I'd probably agree. The whole waiting for someone to help him before releasing the curse, and then trying to sacrifice himself when it eventually was too late to avoid it was enough of an indication for me. It only took the kindness of one person to make him change his heart. If he truly sought revenge, one person wouldn't have been enough. And damn if that didn't ruin Bai Wuxian's plans wonderfully lolll

Xie Lian knew in his heart that the people of Yong'an didn't deserve to pay the price for what happened to Xianle. Even though Bai Wuxian tried (and for a while succeeded) to make him believe it.

Straying from the path that Bai Wuxian wanted him to walk was not as easy as it seems. Bai Wuxian carefully paved all the paths for him, pushed Xie Lian in the directions he wanted him to go with the most violent methods I've ever seen, but Xie Lian always found a way to avoid it, also thanks to Hua Cheng's presence, even when he didn't know it was him (I have so many feelings about that imma cry skfjkefj). Hua Cheng always believed in him and knew what Xie Lian was truly capable of, and boy was he right gdi.

When Xie Lian went through the betrayal of Jun Wu, Hua Cheng's presence reminded him of who Xie Lian is and what he's become. The doubts Bai Wuxian put in his mind, the danger of the Human Face Desease threatening to be freed again, and the resolution to not give in into grief and pain and staying true to the person he had become were again overcome thanks to one person. Xie Lian could have never actually become what Bai Wuxian wanted him to, no matter what he threw at him.

In the end, Xie Lian learnt how to save the common people for real. And he realized that didn't have to do it alone! Instead, the common people themselves were part of the solution (the human array to contain the resentful spirits yknow). It does send an important message, and it's probably the most important thing that Xie Lian learnt: that one person alone cannot save all, if all don't want to be saved. It's a group effort, it takes time and heart and not everyone has it in their heart to risk their lives for the sake of others. Godly powers can only do so much, and a god cannot change fate from above. A god must instead support and protect the people, work with them, give them a boost, and in the end the people will save themselves.

It's a really nuanced and complicated process, I don't know how to explain it properly ajdkfjdl.

It's also worth mentioning that the relationship with Mu Qing and Feng Xin had all the potential to prevent much of what happened to Xie Lian. But just as Xie Lian was young and inexperienced, so were they. And despite all, until Xie Lian stopped thinking of them as servants, he couldn't grow. He had to lose them to truly understand the depth and worth of people believing in him. Which doesn't make it any less painful or sad... Things could have indeed gone differently, but the outcome would have never been the same. I'm glad in the end they kind of sorted it out though.

And the fact that Mu Qing and Feng Xin still cared for Xie Lian when he ascended for the third time was so evident in hindsight. Made me smile when I realized.

Also I liked that in the end Xie Lian didn't go rule the heavens or even go back to it, and instead stayed in the mortal realm to continue doing what he did for the past 800 years. Considering that young Xie Lian said clearly that he wanted to become a god, it's an important thing. It shows that in his mind the concept of gods and their role has changed, and he will stick to his new views despite the possibility of achieving what his young self wanted. Though this isn't just a consequence of book 5, it was shown even earlier when he first visited his palace in the heavens. Xie Lian didn't want to enter it, it made him uncomfortable, and instead sat outside waiting for Shi Qingxuan.

There are so many things to say about Xie Lian but idk if I have the competence to express them all akdjskfj I love his character to bits. His development was not banal in any way, and even though we didn't see all the 800 years it took for him to change, we do feel how gradual that was. Just think of when he met Banyue.

He was still a bit idealistic, telling her that his dream was to save the common people, but he already grew enough of a thick skin to understand when it was worth to pick a fight or not, and he wasn't picky on food (even cooking it himself in his helmet, with outrageous results). It might not seem much, but all things considered, it was a change.

In his first banishment he learnt how hard life was without his Crown Prince status, but he still picked fights with people and refused to eat some things because they weren't as high quality as the food he used to eat at the Royal Palace.

During his second banishment, he learnt to be humble and how problems couldn't be solved with just the right idea. He learnt the grayness of morality and life, how right and wrong are not absolute concepts. He experienced the worst fortune (by his own choice) and learnt how to not let it get to him, how to grow enough of a thick skin to get up each time and not take his frustration out on others.

Truly, Xie Lian is a great character. I have read the novel only one time so far, but I'm planning to reread it soon. So who knows, I might notice more things next time around! This was just my first impression Ahah

As for things I wish that were better explored in the story, I'd say Pei Ming's growth and maybe Ling Wen's motives (though I might have just blinked and missed this last part, because I was still reeling from the Black Water arc lmao).

About Pei Ming, I think he went through a considerable growth since the first time we see him, when he tries to save Little Pei from banishment. At first he gave me the impression of being the usual arrogant womanizer, who would do anything to avoid having his reputation tarnished. But blinking to book 5, we see that he's... Idk, it feels like he's taken that shameless arrogance and put it away, especially after interacting with the Rain Master. Their story is extremely important to his development imo. Their shared past held a place in his heart, and it resurfaced when he met the Rain Master again. I think he was deeply signed by her actions in the past, and he never forgot her.

It's shown when Pei Ming refuses to be saved by the Rain Master and refuses the sword she wants to give to her (which incidentally is the same sword that, yknow, she used to sacrifice herself in front of him back in the days). He says (or better, the people around him say) that it was out of pride, because he couldn't accept that a woman saved him. But he never confirmed or denied it, instead he ran after her "to help".

At the end of the story Pei Ming is not as loud and proud of his reputation as he was in the beginning, instead he seems humbled.

I think the Xuan Ji case also had an important role in his development. Considering how we see her dissolve having found peace after talking/fighting with Pei Ming during the Mount Tong'lu arc, I do think that Pei Ming himself must have reflected on himself a bit too.

He also lost his two best friends, Shi Wudu and Ling Wen, so... Yknow, my hualian ship captain must have had some changes.

Especially when it comes to the Rain Master, I feel there are good basis for a good friendship between them, despite the past. The Rain Master never showed open animosity towards him, instead she helped him. It seemed to me that Pei Ming is the one who believed she hated him, but it was never confirmed.

And maybe if you squint there could be more between them, if you're into that ahah. I wish we could have seen more of his grown version, though I do understand that it happened in the epilogue and the book is already as long as it can be ahaha. So really I'm not that sad it didn't happen, I'm happy that there are signs in the background that "hint" at that instead (if they can be considered hints, idk ahha).

About Ling Wen, ehhhh I want to reserve the right to reread and reconsider. Right now I feel like the Brocade Immortal thing was almost unnecessary? I like her background, how she became the biggest civil goddess of the heavens, but I didn't get why she created the brocade. Again though, I might just go back and reread that part later. Tbh I was reeling really hard after the Black Water arc, so I just blanked on some things akfjskf

Did the Brocade serve any purpose in the end? Aside from being the catalyst of Ling Wen's story arc and being one of the two mighty ghosts in Mount Tong'lu (and also giving that nice hualian scene where Hua Cheng was trying so hard to get kissies from Xie Lian ahaha). Idk, I'd like to hear your thoughts about this!!

I think I rambled enough, if you got to this point wow you're amazing! And thank you for going through this long rant Ahah. I hope it makes some sort of sense! Thank you again for the questions, talking about tgcf made me really happy!

[lucitrius]

•°☆°• Oumami week day 2: soulmates / talentswap •°☆°•

▪ word count: 1,721 ▪ content: spoilers for chapters 1 - 4, hints at chapter 5 ▪ monochromatic soulmate au ▪

————————————————— ☆ —————————————————

There was something missing, still. He had remembered so much since the game had begun, and yet he was still stumped as to why he felt like a chunk of his own heart was missing. They had used countless flashback lights by now, had so many discussions about their memories, and yet nothing was coming back to him. Ouma began to wonder if that was just how he was. If he had always felt this empty; this lonely. Perhaps he was just hyping himself up for a memory that would never come, so he had began crushing down his hopes not long after the first trial.

Trials. Iruma's trial was just minutes away, he was sure. They had been investigating for what seemed like days now, so it had to be, at least. As he followed Saihara around aimlessly, pointing out obvious clues but asking ridiculous questions about them, Ouma felt a pit in his stomach. He didn't want another execution, another corpse, another body needlessly tossed away like some scrapped wrapper. This whole game was disgusting, and he felt even worse to have basically dealt into the hand of the mastermind by asking Gokuhara to help him. Gokuhara is nearly an adult, so this was his choice. He chose to go through with this, he chose to kill. Or, at least, that's how he justified it in his head, but no matter the excuses he made for himself, he still felt completely and utterly guilty.

With the sickening chime of the announcement bell, Ouma stopped walking, watching as Saihara jolted uncomfortably. Of course he would be uncomfortable, each and every trial was basically laid out for him to carry on his own, aside from Ouma's occasional hidden aide. He suddenly wondered if Saihara ever felt guilty. 

The walk to the court room was filled with the usual hopeless chatter. "We'll make it out this time!" or "I'm sure this was justified…" and anything of the sort rung in his ears as his peers spoke around him. He narrowed his eyes at the elevator door as it slid shut, watching it buckle and shake as the carriage began its descent. He didn't want to do this.

It was only a matter of time until they came to the conclusion that Gokuhara was the culprit. Of course they did, no one would ever get away with murder as long as they had a detective in their ranks. He was practically fuming at how Gokuhara didn't seem to remember anything until his avatar self was provided. He was less so angry at the boy himself, but rather that even in his final moments he had to be so innocent. He committed murder- Ouma should detest him- and yet he was innocent. No, it wasn't even murder. It was protection. No one who defended the weak deserved to be punished, and yet Gokuhara was, right in front of everyone's regretful eyes. 

The somber grimace he wore during the execution just wasn't fitting for the character he played, thus it was quickly thrown aside for a calm grin. The others glared with disbelief at his continued "enjoyment" of this twisted excuse for a game.

He was hardly retaining any of the argument that they were having with him. It was his fault, he already knew that, he didn't need to be reminded of it. He was a disgusting freak of a person. He was guilty. And yet here he stood, alive and well with a chasm for a heart. None of the words thrown his way were really sticking, at least, not until Saihara near growled at him.

"You're alone, Ouma. And you always will be."

Alone.

And so he remembered.

A soft breeze tussled Ouma's short, loose hair effortlessly. It knocked some of the sand from his head, but not much. He didn't mind, though. The sand beneath his feet was warm and welcoming after all, so he was much too distracted by the little pit he had dug to sit in to notice the bits on his scalp. His young eyes peered out at the ocean with endless curiosity, his fingers poking holes into the sand as he admired the horizon.

Ouma hit the ground with a thud, the skin on his palms scratching up as he braced himself. He sat up and ran his fingertips over the gravel left on his skin, wiping it away as he glanced above himself to the monkey bars he had fallen from. His grip was never strong enough to stay on past the second bar, but that was fine. His eyes fell back to his palms, watching as small bubbles of blood formed in a few deeper scratches. He stared momentarily before closing his hands and standing back up, running off to go clean them off. 

Waking up in a locker, Ouma reeled, hitting his head. He was tired and confused, and as the door clicked open without him doing so that was only boosted. He stumbled out, just barely catching himself on a desk before he tripped over his own feet. The boy opposite to him, who had made it to the ground with a sharp clanging noise, was peculiar enough to catch his attention, but after their interaction with some other students he left to go meet the others on his own. Ouma watched him leave the classroom without a word, his hands clasped behind his neck. He was about to go out and leave as well before a taller student caught the door and peered inside. He smiled upon seeing Ouma, walking in and letting the door slide closed.

Rantarou Amami. He was an interesting character, for sure. They certainly weren't good friends at first, but as time passed and they took more time to investigate as a pair, they at least were talking casually. 

They were sitting in Amami's room as per usual, since Ouma more than often picked his lock instead of inviting him to talk normally. Their conversation had been focused on the mastermind, but after a while they found themselves focused on each other. It wasn't uncommon, and somehow Ouma didn't hate it. It was comfortable to have someone there for once.

"...or am I wrong, Ouma?" 

He looked up at the mention of his name, cracking his knuckles absentmindedly. "Hm?"

Amami laughed warmly, shaking his head. "I guess you weren't listening to me. Ah well, wasn't anything important."

Ouma smiled cheekily, sitting up on his knees to slap his shoulder. "Nothing ever is with you!" he whined. "Amami is so secretive…"

"And you're not?" he teased, reaching up to knock Ouma's hand out of the way. As the back of his hand touched to the other boy's fingers, they were both blasted with a whirlpool of… something. The room around them was suddenly a cooler tone than before, the highlights against some of the wood now a bright, warm hue. Ouma's eyes were wide as he stared around the room, only to land on the other before him. He looked… so vibrant. Amami was staring at him with the same bewildered look on his face, but neither of them spoke. This was new territory for both of them, and neither of them knew what was going on in the slightest.

He realized then that all of the memories he could recall of his childhood, albeit not many at all, were unmistakably bland. They were grey scale scenes. The only way he could decipher the ocean from the sand and the blood from his skin being the contrast in tones, and he had been foolish enough to think it beautiful. But this- Amami's desaturated dyed hair, his eyes which were now much brighter than before, his warm skin- it was so much better.

Ouma remembered yet another scene. He kicked his legs impatiently on his chair as his teacher finally got up from her desk to talk to him. They had been reading a book in class, and the plot was just horribly confusing to him. Why were the characters talking about colours? What in the world were colours? She kept him after class when he had brought it up, which he thought to be simultaneously really annoying and pretty weird. 

He didn't believe it, at first. Soulmates were a ridiculous concept, and how had he only just been hearing about it in his first year of high school? But with a bit of consideration, he could recall it being a constant discussion throughout his life that he just always assumed was something he didn't know- a show, a book, or something. Having a soulmate sounded… nice. He smiled at the thought, leaving the classroom without another word. 

The aching hole in his heart and the never ending feeling of loneliness only worsened as they suddenly made sense.

Ouma stood before the remaining students of the killing game with wide eyes, tears threatening to build at his waterline before he blinked them back. He made quick work of getting himself out of the trial room before absolutely breaking down on the elevator ride up. How could he have forgotten that he had a soulmate? How, and why, just when he managed to meet him did he forget that? 

As soon as he made it back to his dorm, he locked the door as tightly as possible, and sat at the desk by his wall. He held his head in his hands and clutched his hair tightly, eyes fixed to the greyscale wood under his elbows. It was gone as fast as it had appeared. Just a moment of beauty in all of his life, snuffed out carelessly like an old candle who's wick finally burned out. Hearing the few footsteps in the hall finally die out as the last of the others made it to their respective rooms, Ouma sat up. 

His hands were a light shade of grey as well, just as everything else was, even the binded pages that he grabbed which he remembered to be red- not that he knew the name of the colour. He only allowed himself a few hours of sleep during the mornings of the next few days. He didn't want to waste too much of the time that he could spend working. This script had to be perfect, after all.

[midnightcitymoon]

Everything is always working out for me best case scenario

11:11 ☆MiracleMakeAWishComeTrueSpell🌙

Eleven-Eleven, This is a call to all angels in heaven, give me a miracle and make my wish come true!

🌜☄⭐🕤🕙🕦⭐🕯🕯📰🎁🎆🎈🎉🎖🔜🔝🔔🕯💰📰💳📧📭🔥🗝🔮🛡🌟☄🌛🌞🌈

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