#i have a feeling the ending isn't going to be very great though. I'd love to be proven wrong

[kaija-rayne-author]

Section 12 in review of Dragon Age Veilguard

96 Hours in, 94 hours playtime..

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard (and other Dragon Age stuff, I'm a Lore fiend.)

Section 11 is here.

So, the whole Mourn watch section with the half Lich was very well written and put together. Had an interesting (if not difficult) puzzle and a poignant ending. Loved it.

Did the Treviso sequence where Illario gets his comeuppance. Even though it's a very stale plot idea, it was so very well written and executed (har har) that it's a shame they fired Lucanis's writer. (Mary Kirby wrote Lucanis.)

They probably should've kept her and let her write a lot more than that. The game would've been so much better. It might’ve actually approached good.

Instead of something that when my partner saw me loading it up he said 'wow, you look like you're about to be tortured'.

Rueful face. So much of this game has felt like torture that having two sections on the same day that were legitimately good is odd.

The ones with Taash in Rivain were fun or sad, depending. But still well written and put together.

Still seem to have more to do. Gonna play for a few more hours. It's rare and nice that it's actually curiosity I'm feeling while logging in tonight, vs. any of the gamut of yucky emotions this game has treated me to.

Oh! Before I forget and in the name of attempting to provide a fair review, I do really love the light puzzles and ancient elven tech stuff. That's been a great deal of fun.

There are good parts to this game, but they just don't make up for the shit.

...

A. Single. Meaningful. Glance. As an intimate scene? Fucking DAO had better than that! Are they serious? Is there more in the final sequence? Dear gods, if I'd paid for this game I'd be bloody furious. Incandescently, explosively furious.

Let's talk about consumer expectation. It's something anyone hoping to sell things has to be aware of.

In its, what, 14 year Dragon Age history? Bioware has set certain expectations with their market share. As I mentioned, DAO, while dated and with poor graphics, actually had something extremely suggestive for the intimate scenes. You had no doubt what the characters were doing. Same went for DA2. Not much actual nudity, but again, no bloody question about what was going on. In DAI, some was sweet, some was saucy, but it was even more clear what was happening.

So the expectation for a behind door scene that you got to see has been set. If there had always been fade to black meaningful stares for the intimate scenes, fine, whatever. But that has not been Bioware's history. And it certainly isn't their gaming market's expectation.

Expectation isn't as important in a standalone game. There's no weight of expectation like there is in series work. Unfortunately for everyone who bought this game, the expectation of so many years and so much material has been firmly set. And a long, searching, intense look doesn't cut it. Are all the Romances like that? I don't have the stomach to replay it that many times to find out.

I still have to finish the final sequence. So it's possible my utter disappointment will be fixed, but given the way Bioware has structured its games in the past, the Romance parts were finished before the final sequence.

My level of disappointment with this game has been high all along, but this is indeed the shit cherry on top of the shit sundae of this game.

Hah! And to think I'd actually hoped for an intimate scene between Solas and Inky! (Hysterical, breathless, cackling. OMFG.)

The problem with market expectation? And not meeting it? Is that you utterly lose the confidence and trust of the people who buy your stuff. And that means they're less likely to buy your stuff again. I certainly won't ever buy anything Bioware makes again. I'm out. I'll enjoy the previous games, but if I'm right about my predictions? Veilguard doesn't exist as part of my universe. I'll pretend it wasn’t ever made. Unless I decide to write a long fix-it fic. Because OMFG.

If, as an author, I shifted from rather explicit, panties-melting intimate scenes to closed door fade to black... I would be betraying my reader's expectations and losing their trust.

If this is it for the intimate scenes? Oh man. Bioware, you fucked up.

Pre-play pithy commentary

If you want to skip the snarky paragraph ^?

13th review here.

[emilnikos]

i NEED to consume other media i don't want to watch ultimate spider-man anymore

[inkskinned]

the car broke down by the denny's where you used to work and therefore could never return to. i am trying to pick out the satisfying parts of my life, one-by-one, like i am 12 and in a frog dissection. everything in my life all viscera and formaldehyde. if i can sort the good things from the bad things, i will have a nice clean pile.

i call you and make it sound like i am happy and hangin' in there! when really i am kicking a rock and i am outside without a jacket and i am so in love with you it makes the little bones in my ear shake. someone called my tinnitus an angel choir. i like that it means i carry the echo of every concert.

this isn't the right setting for love. this is a roadside, and a denny's, and i am nauseous and ashamed i never escaped the town where i grew up. the clouds here are this strange yellow, like spilled sour milk. "someone once told me that the orange coating on the teeth of a beaver is due to the particularly high rate of iron in their enamel," i tell you. "the beaver is the largest rodent native to north america."

your voice is crackly on the other end. i'm going into a garage soon, i might lose you.

what i should be doing is calling the tow truck and explaining that my brother's car (that i'm borrowing) (that i broke now, i guess) needs to be lifted by another, bigger, stronger car (which is love too, i guess).

i shouldn't say so much. i should wait, and let you ask about my mom, and ask if i ever got over that cold, or how it's going at work. i should let you lead the conversation, for once, so the love doesn't leak out of me into the gravel. i open my mouth anyway. "if you had to choose between being a beaver with very few trees or being a tree around a bunch of beavers, which would it be?"

i don't know. your voice always has this warm cast to it when you talk to me, but maybe i am just imagining that - i am a poet, though, so i imagine things sort of chronically. through the static, you sound like you're laughing. are you the beaver?

i know, like, logically, not to fall in love with a girl-that-is-your-best-friend. like, who would i even call if we broke up? you're my best friend, you're the person i'd want to speak to. so what if these last few months we keep sleeping over at each other's houses, calling each other for hours, sending each other poems. so what if you keep wrapping your fingers into mine. no best friends. that is the first rule. what you are supposed to do in that situation is leave the situation.

but my car broke down, so. where exactly am i going to go? the car is a very-old chevvy and also where i almost-but-not-quite kissed you after you'd raised one shoulder and looked up at me and said i don't know, i think i'm straight, but for the right person - i'd try anything. the music had been good and it had been raining and your thick eyelashes had made me feel god crawling up my throat like a spider. and i didn't kiss you, because i am a coward.

anyway on the chevy the whole exhaust pipe fell out, and is now scraping on the ground like one silver finger stroking the back of the highway. recently we were watching netflix in my bed and you pushed my hair back from my face like you were making the slowest, most desperate prayer, and then your boyfriend called. i remember us both jumping. i couldn't look at you in the eyes for like a week after. i kept feeling the heat of your fingerprint; computer science, you'd unlocked something dark in me.

google says the closest tow (joe's pick up) is 50 minutes away and also closed permanently. so that's not great. you live in another state and i should be calling my insurance company. i should be calling anybody else. this is not helping. i need an uber. i need to get moving. instead i say: "i need three words for a poem."

yesterday i said love you, goodnight after our 2 hour call like always and then you just, like. paused. all i could hear was your breathing. and then you'd said what a pretty three-word poem. i love you too, sweet thing. the words made my tinnitus act up again, and i must have some kind of synesthesia, because the sound travelled into my mind until it became the shape wedding rings.

orange, you say. the static is now chewing through most of your words and i only catch - borrowing the chevy -

the call dies. i have 12% battery. i never get the 3rd word, but i know you're still going to get a poem from me. actually this rest stop is kind of pretty, and so is the exhaust pipe, and so is joe's pick up, and so are the clouds. the light here is the color of a glue trap. before you worked at the denny's, we used to get milkshakes every wednesday and called it a friend date. you said you'd wanted to work there because it reminded you of me.

the sign's gone dim. the letters now spell out deny. and isn't that something.

[pomefioredove]

hello hello! i see that the headcanon requests are open, so i have arrived 🐺🐺 i'd like to request the housewardens + chenya, neige and ortho with a reader that's mute! i feel like this would be an interesting thing to go off of. feel free to write it as something reader gained after a certain event, or as an illness that they were born with. platonic would be great, but i think romantic would be absolutely adorable too (minus ortho obviously) so go wild, do whatever you want >:) if this is fine for you to write of course!! love your writing, youre my favourite blog on tumblr hehe (runs away)

thank you so much!! and ofc ofc. I'm writing this based off my own experiences with being semiverbal so if I get something wrong,,, that's on me 😔

summary: nonspeaking reader type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, che'nya, leona, azul, kalim, vil, neige, idia, ortho (platonic), malleus additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu

I think Riddle is more adaptive than others give him credit for

it's not like there's any rule about not speaking

(and if there was, he would make an exception for you. he's not completely unreasonable)

I can see him learning sign language with you

and if that's not your thing, he'll figure something else out

he's a fast learner, after all

and he wants to make you comfortable, too. not that he'd ever outright admit it...

(obvious favoritism)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Che'nya is always quick on his feet

or... on air?

anyway

that means that he isn't one to let the absence of conversation stop him from his usual mischief

and he does love charades...

it's almost like he can read your thoughts. or your... hands? expressions?

whenever someone is giving you a hard time, they miiight just end up talking back to a floating head

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Leona actually never really... brings it up

before he had the full story, he just figured you were shy around him

(which went straight to his head, of course)

so he was already used to it when he found out it's not something you can control

and... he treats you no different for it

he knows you're not stupid or rude just because you're not yapping all the time

and if anyone else gave you a hard time about it... they'd be answering to him

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

no worries with Azul

I mean, the guy can really do it all

sign language, pen and paper, text-to-speech, body language...

he's rather adaptable, and, trust me, being unable or unwilling to speak won't stop him

the offer to give you the voice of a beautiful singer is still on the table... but he can't blame you for not taking the deal

of course

in the meantime, you can come to him for anything and he'll help you out

on the house <3

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Kalim's heart is in the right place

is he disappointed you won't be able to talk and sing and cheer with him? a little

you're used to the disappointment, unfortunately

but he doesn't give up so easily

or... at all

no singing? he's handing you an instrument

no talking? no problem, he knows you're still listening!

no hummin, shouting, cheering? he can make enough noise for the both of you

he makes sure you're included in everything

very sweet

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Vil has high expectations, but he isn't unreasonable

if you can't talk, you can't talk, and that's final

that doesn't excuse you from everything else in his strict regimen, though

what may be a weakness to others is a strength to him

you can improve yourself tenfold by focusing on what you can do rather than what you can't

writing, dancing, music...

however you choose to express yourself, he's very supportive

much like Kalim, he includes you in every conversation, every decision, every yes/no question

he's pretty great

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Neige! Neige is a sweetie

I like to think of Neige as someone who's actually quite timid in person, despite his career

it's probably your quietness that draws him to you in the first place

he is so very supportive

he's the kind of introvert to suddenly become extroverted when someone needs help

"excuse me, they asked for no pickles" type of guy

he'll hold your hand through everything if you need it, and remain by your side if you don't

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Ortho and Idia are probably the best people to have on your side

Idia just feels so much more... comfortable around you, since he struggles with speaking, himself

he'll let you use his tablet if you need it to speak

...and then he'll get you one of your own, so he doesn't have a heart attack when you accidentally switch tabs

he'll even program a custom voice or two for you

Ortho is a walking translator for you

with a database full of information on body language and expression, he can determine your emotional state in a single glance

he's happy to help in any way he can, of course!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

at some point, Malleus needs a shirt that says "#1 Prefect Defender"

you haven't said a single word to him but if anything happened to you he would curse everyone in this room and then himself

(he means well, I promise)

he's never minded, nor questioned your silence

certain fae communicate through lights or movement rather than sound, so it isn't even anything strange to him

you fit right in at Diasomnia

and you're welcome to stay here for as long as you please

(hint hint)

[barcaatthemoon]

fade into you || lena oberdorf x reader ||

lena takes your virginity.

minors dni, 18+, smut warning.

not proofread because i have 30 minutes to get to work and still need to eat breakfast.

the move from manchester to bayern was a big one, but you hadn't made it alone. your older sister keira's best friend, georgia, had transferred with you. with georgia there, you practically had another older sister there with you. and it was great, up until you met lena.

the bayern and wolfsburg games were pretty intense, but you loved it. english soccer hadn't necessarily been physical enough for you, aside from your very heated games against arsenal. lena could match your aggression and put you on your ass if she really wanted to.

at first, there had been a couple of close calls. georgia had gotten herself carded arguing with lena twice before someone said something. after that, you had players like magda and pernille, your team mothers, who looked out for you instead. they were a lot more protective, not even letting the german player talk to you after games.

lena hated the way that they watched over you like a hawk whenever she was around. all lena had wanted to do then was talk to you, and she had to wait months before she finally had a good chance to do so. georgia had tried to step in to "protect" you whenever lena approached you after an international game against each other, but she wasn't nearly as intimidating as magda.

"(y/n)!" lena called out as she chased you down in the tunnel. you froze on the spot, unsure of what lena could have wanted with you. that game had been difficult to say the least. tensions had been high, and several players on both sides had gotten a little sketchy with some of their tackles and challenges. "do you mind if we talk for a minute?"

"you want to talk to me?" you tried not to sound so surprised, but you couldn't help it. lena nodded as she extended her hand towards you. georgia looked a bit angry as you took it, not noticing the looks from leah, lucy, and your sister behind her.

"i'd prefer to do it alone," lena told you as she led you away from everybody else. "i've wanted to talk to you for a long time, but there are always other players around. your friends don't seem to like me too much."

"they are protective. we have a tendency to go a bit harder after each other than anybody else," you pointed out. lena couldn't argue with you on that one. she admittedly did play a bit rougher with you than she did with other players. however, lena knew that sometimes that was what it took to stop you from trucking through their defenses.

"i like how you play. i can't wait to be on your team." lena rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. you studied her for a moment, just long enough to be distracted by her features. your eyes bounced all around her face and body, shamelessly checking her out a bit. "before that, though, i'd like to get to know you better. maybe we could go on a date when you get back to germany?"

"why wait that long?" you asked her. lena looked surprised, like she couldn't believe that you wanted to spend time with her so soon. "i won't be drinking with the rest of the team tonight, and playing cards in my sister's room can wait. you guys leave tomorrow night, and i think that leaves just enough time for us to go out together for a night."

"the whole night?" lena asked. you were quick to shake your head, but refused to elaborate any further. lena didn't know that you were a virgin, she couldn't have. not a lot of people actually knew that, and while you had been told that it was nothing to be ashamed of, you couldn't help but feel like you were lagging in your age group.

"i'd like to see where things go first. hooking up isn't really my thing," you said quickly. you hoped that it came off casually, but you knew better than that. you weren't that lucky, not when it came to relationships. you had only ever dated one other person, and it had ended so badly that you kind of thought you'd never date again.

…

naturally, as your relationship progressed, lena eventually learned about your lack of experience. she had been kind about it once you told her. a lot of things that you had done over the past few months made sense to her. lena had known that you were shy, but now she understood why certain things messed with you as much as they did.

"good morning." lena greeted you with a kiss as you walked into the kitchen. it was her first week in her munich apartment, and she had asked for you to stay with her. the two of you had been together for nearly half of your first season at bayern. now, you'd get to play at the same club together, so she would be there to keep you company instead of georgia.

"this isn't good for my german," you told her. lena shrugged it off and wrapped her arms around your waist as she pressed several kisses to the side of your face. "i really do want to learn, lena."

"liebe, you are doing fine with the german. relax, we practice together every single day. rest your brain for a morning, it will be fine," lena said. you sighed as your body sank back against hers. you hadn't been with lena for very long in the scheme of things, but you knew for sure that you were in love with her. keira had once told you that love was a feeling that often took you by surprise, and your feelings for lena had blindsided you early on in your relationship.

the two of you had expressed your love for each other in words before, but you wanted to do more. you wanted to give yourself to lena fully. the thought was beyond terrifying for you, but you also knew that lena was trustworthy. she would take care of you, just like she had been doing for months. more than that, you trusted lena fully and wanted to show her just how far your trust reached.

"what are you thinking so hard about?" lena asked you. her voice was full of concern, breaking the blissfully relaxed energy that had been filling up her room. you had been ready to tell her exactly what you wanted, but when you opened up your mouth and looked at her, your words died out on the tip of your tongue.

"i want-," you paused, unsure of whether or not this was the time. lena would never push you towards anything, but you hadn't considered whether or not she wanted sex from you. everybody around the two of you had made a teasing remark here or there about sex, only to be shut down by an extremely defensive lena.

"it's okay, take your time." lena pressed a kiss to the top of your head as she pulled you to rest against her chest. you gave yourself a couple of moments to relax where she had guided you. once those moments were over, you shifted so that you were sort of leaning over her. "everything okay?"

"yes, i just, need to ask you something. lena, i'd like to have sex with you," you told her. lena's normally expressive face went completely blank as she stared at you. a wave of panic overtook your thoughts, but lena didn't let it get far enough for you to retract your statements.

"this is a big deal, are you sure liebe?" lena asked you. it was true, this was a big deal for you. some of your teammates had tried to play it off as something that didn't matter, but to you it did. lena knew this, and she had been fully prepared to wait until marriage if that was something you had wanted. a part of her hadn't expected you to want to talk about it again so soon, but she was glad that you trusted her.

"yes, of course i am. i love you, and i want to show you that," you said sheepishly.

"there are other ways to show that you love someone. it's not like i can give you this experience back if you decide that i wasn't the right one." for a moment, you thought lena was trying to talk you out of having sex. that idea was promptly snuffed out whenever you finally looked her in the eye. lena looked almost to tears, but there was no sign of anything other than joy on her face.

"i'm sure. i want you, and only you." lena had never heard you speak with such confidence or conviction before. you were shy, always keeping to yourself or your very carefully selected circle of friends. "just, please remember that it's my first time."

"always, we will take it slow," lena promised you.

…

neither you nor lena had really brought up having sex again for the remainder of your stay with her. you had assumed that lena had forgotten, not that she was working on making the last night of your week together so special. for the most part, you had been completely oblivious until she was practically shoving you out of the house to go shopping with sydney and laura.

they were nice, but still very much lena's friends. you had a lot of fun with the girls, who had definitely talked you into spending more money than you meant to. by the time that you headed back to lena's, you had enough things to fill an extra suitcase.

"lena?" you called out into the apartment. it looked empty, but lena had obviously cleaned and rearranged a few things. you could see the table set very romantically, and you wondered for a moment if you missed some sort of anniversary. all of those thoughts were practically thrown out of your head when you saw lena walk out of her bedroom. "you look amazing."

"i know that we did not talk about this before, but i really want to be with you before you leave. only if that's okay with you," lena said. she brushed a strand of your hair back behind you ear as she stepped into your space. there was never an invasion with lena, she was always welcomed eagerly with open arms.

"i'd like that. i've been thinking about it a lot," you confessed. lena smiled as she pulled you in for a kiss. something told you that lena would have kissed you either way, but this kiss felt different. this kiss built to something bigger, something that your body had been anticipating for a couple of weeks now.

lena pulled back from the kiss to lead you to the table. you sat there a little awkwardly by yourself while you waited for her to return. lena had obviously put a lot of effort into the meal, preparing things that you recognized as supposed aphrodisiacs. you noticed the distinct lack of alcohol at the table, which lena explained away as not wanting anything to possibly taint the experience.

"how are you feeling?" lena asked you. she leaned back against the counter as she watched you put the last dish in the dishwasher. you had fought her about leaving the dishes in the sink for tomorrow and cleaning up, but lena relented in the end. she had rinsed a few of the pots and pans before you were even home anyway, that was enough help as you'd accept.

"nervous, but in a good way. i trust you though, just show me what you like i guess," you told her. lena smiled as she pulled you in for a kiss. this one was soft and sweet, a gentle press of her lips against yours. the next couple ventured away from that territory, right up until lena was pinning you against the counter by the kitchen sink and kissing you absolutely breathless.

"i'm going to find out all of the things that you like. maybe it'll take more than a night, but we have the rest of our lives to figure everything out." lena picked you up with ease and carried you into her bedroom. every part of the house had been done up for tonight, so it shouldn't have come as a shock to you to see the candles and flowers all over the room.

"you spoil me. what if i want this every time we have sex?" you asked her.

it was a teasing question, but lena answered you with complete sincerity, "then i will do this every single time. there is nothing i wouldn't do to make you happy."

"i love you," you told her. lena blushed as she pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

"i love you too," she mumbled. you threaded your fingers through her hair and lifted her head up so that she was looking at you. she repeated herself, suddenly a little afraid that you hadn't heard her. you pulled her in for another kiss, opening your mouth almost immediately to welcome her tongue.

lena dropped onto her knees on the bed to lay you down gently. her body quickly covered yours once again, and lena slotted herself in between your legs. the two of you had laid like that before, but now it felt different. both of you knew where this was leading, and while lena would assure you that you could turn back whenever you wanted, you knew otherwise.

you were grateful for lena taking her clothes off first, even if you had been head over heels for the outfit. it was rare that you got to see lena out of her kit or the sweats that she liked to wear around the house. and while there was little hotter to you than lena walking around in a tank top and sweatpants, the black slacks and white button up that lena had worn for tonight drove you a little crazy.

however, you were glad to not feel quite so underdressed for the occasion. you hadn't changed from the jean shorts and t-shirt of lena's that you had worn out for shopping. lena had barely let you go whenever she saw you in her shirt that morning, but you had compromised with her by cuddling on the couch until laura and sydney came bursting through lena's apartment doors.

"can i touch you?" lena asked as she motioned towards your bare chest. she was almost completely naked above you, only wearing her underwear. your shorts were still on, lena slowly making her way down your body. your lips were bruised from kissing her, and there were little wet spots from lena kissing along your neck and jaw.

"please do," you told her. lena smiled, dipping her head down to press a kiss to the little dip in between your collarbones. lena's hands massaged your breasts as she littered kisses all over your chest. you could feel that you were wet, but you didn't want to rush lena. as many times as she had told you that this was for you, you had reminded yourself that this was also for her as well. it was your first time, yes, but it was also your first time together.

with each inch that lena moved down your body, you felt your arousal and anticipation grow. you were practically shaking by the time that lena finally reached your shorts. she opened her mouth to ask if you still wanted to continue, only to be met with you impatiently shimmying yourself out of them. lena had the tact to hide her amusement, but you didn't miss the little glimmer in her eye.

it wasn't the amusement that you had mistaken it for. after your show of enthusiasm, lena let her own eagerness be known. the kisses that lena pressed to your hips and thighs were messy, much messier than the ones placed on your chest. lena paused and sucked a hickey onto the inside of your thigh, barely an inch away from where you were practically frothing at the mouth waiting for her to touch you.

"mine," lena muttered sweetly as she ran her finger over the hickey.

"make me yours," you begged her. you weren't sure what had compelled you to say that, but if lena's reaction was anything to go by, it was the right decision. lena grabbed your thighs and held them apart. you heard her swear as she really got a good look at you spread out in front of her.

there was nothing that could have prepared you for the feeling of lena's mouth on your cunt. you had kissed her hundreds of times already, but her lips felt completely different between your legs. you blindly reached around for something to grab until you felt lena take your hands in hers. it was sweet and grounded you, distracting you from your rapidly approaching orgasm.

"i don't want to cum yet," you whined. lena lifted her head to look at you. there was something reassuring in her eyes, something that quelled the panicked thoughts about embarrassing yourself in front of her.

"it's okay, let it happen. it always happens faster than you'd like the first time." lena spoke gently, more so than you had ever heard her before. you closed your eyes and tried to only focus on the way that lena felt as her tongue moved between your folds.

you couldn't stop the moans and all the little noises that normally would have embarrassed you. lena hummed appreciatively at each noise you made, like all she wanted was to hear them again. the focus of lena's tongue switched from just lazily lapping at your cunt to zeroing in on your clit. you felt a finger press against your entrance, rubbing teasingly as if she hadn't planned on actually entering you.

"lena, i think i'm gonna cum," you warned her. lena just sort of squeezed your hand as she continued with a steady pace. lena didn't want to overload your senses, so she tried to keep things going a little slower. she paid attention to every little signal that your body was giving her, helping you reach your peak and work yourself through it.

"you did so good," lena praised as she littered your face with kisses. your cheeks were flushed and your chest was heaving. you had made yourself cum a couple of times before, but it was nothing like having lena touch you. the feeling of lena touching you made you never want to even try to get yourself off ever again. "how are you feeling?"

"i've never felt like that before," you told her. it was a good feeling, but you couldn't quite articulate that yet. lena nodded, seemingly in understanding, and cupped your cheeks to pull you in for a kiss. "i can't believe i didn't ask for that earlier."

"go on to the shower. i'm gonna put the sheets in the wash," lena told you. she tried to move away, but you clung to her like your life depended on it. "liebe, we have to clean up."

"yes, and you can come shower with me. then, when we're out, you can put the sheets in the wash while i pick out something to watch in the living room." lena wasn't going to argue with you, especially not when your plan included a chance to shower with her. you knew that you had won when lena didn't try to argue with you, so you pulled her out of bed and towards the bathroom. your legs were a bit shaky still, so lena held onto your hips to steady you the whole way.

[gotham-daydreams]

I'd love to see the Batfam reaction if they were to actually see what went down in the park. Tim checking security cameras to assess the damage and sees dick and reader yelling at each other. Dick would get so much shit and I can't wait for chapter four to see their descent into madness<3 you did great, lovely, lovely chapter as always.

If they saw it then you know someone would definitely try to rush in and do some damage control (and 100% fail depending on where in the argument they decide to cut in/run into Dick and the Reader arguing). Tim would see it from the cameras, the others would just straight up hear it and or are just more likely to run into the whole thing- and definitely cursing Dick out all the while, praying that he does what everyone (even himself) wants him to do- and that's to shut his mouth and stop talking, LMAO

Even then, some might try to listen (especially when the Reader mentions certain things... like where they've been this entire time, how they've been hurt, etc), but cut in at some point when they are just baffled and taken aback like Dick.

Regardless, more detail and such on their reactions is under the cut :]

Bruce would be upset (who, in the family, isn't at this point...), and definitely try to cut things short and do some kind of damage control. Though depending on how much he hears or when he just so happens to overhear the two yelling at each other - I think he would stay to listen to what the Reader is saying before eventually going down to 'help'. Does it work? Probably not, I mean... what's more terrifying then seeing the Bat himself just appear out of thin air and essentially try to get the both of you to shut up? Especially since, again, depending on what he hears and or when he cuts in, Bruce might even try to interrogate the Reader on some things they said which... considering how things go in the chapter... yeah, the Reader definitely isn't in the mood to even entertain his questions. Not to mention that Bruce is one of the people who want to get the Reader home as soon as possible, so that's just extra worse- but as shown at the end of Pt.2 of Chapter 3, he can be reasoned with to some degree.

Damian would try to interrupt as soon as he even hears what's going on. Really, Bruce would be the only one who would be able to stop him (since they were traveling as a pair for that night), but that doesn't mean he won't continue to try. He definitely would have the "If Grayson doesn't shut up then I'll shup him up for him" mentality, especially if he very quickly catches on how what Dick is doing and saying is clearly having a negative impact on you - the only person he wants to hang around at the moment.

Jason would want to strangle Dick, and just to get him to stop, he just might. Though, you being there does stop him... until you keep screaming at Dick and he's even more convinced that he should just knock out Dick while he's at it. Just like Damian he would most likely try to intervene as soon as he even hears shouting and just knows that Dick is fucking everything up- but similar to Bruce, if and when certain things are said, he might hesitate or pause just to hear what the Reader has to say or just if what the Reader said caught him off guard. However, it mostly likely just makes him want to cut things off even more, but definitely just so that he can interrogate the reader over what he heard. Jason also just wants to bring the Reader home, but, in that moment he might just let them have a night before trying anything. If anyone knows when to give someone time to blow off some steam, especially after something like that? It's definitely going to be Jason.

As you said, Tim is definitely more likely to come across the whole thing on the cameras, and he feels similar to Jason and just wants to strangle Dick to make him shut up. I can see him trying to rush over to stop things, but does he do a very poor job at it? Absolutely. (Which... isn't saying much since honestly, in reality, anyone trying to intervene and such definitely just makes things worse, especially for the reader, even if they didn't mean to (just like Dick himself at the start of the park scene).) Man is not only lowkey stuck in a delusion at the moment, but also has said delusion shattered as he tries to cool things off- and before anyone knows it, hell, he might even get wrapped into things as a failed mediator of the situation. Similar to Dick, the more he scrambles and tries to reel things back, the more he fails and the worse the situation gets. Eventually, he ends up similar to Dick, and before they both know it, they're in the park by themselves, with you taking your leave- even if Tim definitely tries to chase after you which... goes about as well as you'd think.

Cassandra being the impulsive queen she is, and with nobody in the immediate vicinity to stop her, definitely just bodies Dick. Straight up. Body slam and all. Is it absolutely terrifying to see, especially when in the middle of an argument, crying your eyes out, and having the (arguably) worst night of your entire life? 100%. But is it appreciate to some extent until you realize "oh shit there's two of them now" and that, unlike Dick, Cassandra is very adamant about bringing you home no matter what? Maybe, but that's not here nor that. Regardless, Cassandra is pissed off, and unlike the end of the chapter, is definitely not afraid to do what she wanted since Bruce isn't around to say or do anything about it yet. Does it help in the long run? Not even a little, but hey, at least it's a little satisfying before reality sets in.

Maybe she'd try to drag Dick away, but she also doesn't want to lose track of you, or even let you out of her sight again, so that's not happening. Again, it's nice and all until she tries to drag you home.

Stephanie would also try to set in and cool things off even if she definitely feels more awkward about it, and kind of like Tim, would sort of end up being mixed into the argument- but I feel she would be more on the quiet side once that happens because, yeah, she feels bad. Like Dick, she recognizes that they kind of deserve everything the Reader is saying, and like Jason, Dick, and sort of like Bruce (minus the convincing part), Stephanie just lets the Reader go home once everything is said and done. Sure, she'd try to drag Dick away, but considering when that happens during the argument, that may be more difficult to do since at some point, Dick also loses himself within the hurtful words. She doesn't get put into a similar state like Dick, but feels equally awful, and kind of awkward. Especially since, well, she doesn't know what to do.

Barbara just straight up tries to drag Dick away no matter where in the argument she tries to interject. She's pissed, but doesn't want Dick and his big mouth to make things any worse than they already are, so she just rolls up to you two and drags him off no matter how upset he is too. However- well, she is most likely to see that from the cameras as well, and honestly hates watching it. Not because the Reader is wrong, but because they're right... though when they mention being hurt and such, that definitely catches her attention and she starts doing light research when they mention they 'could' be put into a hospital and nobody would come by or visit them. What she finds just makes her more upset. However, even if she didn't reach that point, still. Similar to Tim, when she sees what's going on in the cameras she tries to intervene. Rather that be by sending someone over, or just heading there herself (even if it is more likely to be the former).

However, I would also like to mention that most of them (aside from Tim, Cass, and maybe Damian (BIG maybe though)) actually wouldn't recognize the reader at first glance, and not only would have to do a double take, but it would cause Dick having to say the Reader's name for the rest of them to even know who Dick is talking to. Does that make things worse for them? Probably, and may even make some of their behavior more 'aggressive' or prominent because, well, they didn't even recognize the Reader right away, and it extra sucks since- y'know. They were even out in the first place to look for the Reader. So you know it definitely feels good knowing that you didn't even know who the person you were originally searching for even looked like until you notice that one of you is yelling at them- and doesn't feel awful at all.

Even then, as sort of 'hinted' at in Chapter 3, Stephanie and Barbara aren't full yanderes or even super deep into their development in that regard, so their reactions are bound to be more sensible, tame, and sane when it comes to the others and their own reactions and behaviors. But it definitely won't stay like that for long :]

Anyway, I hope this answered your question! And if you or anyone else needs any clarification on certain things, then please feel free to end in an ask!

[ghcstao3]

Ghost is being discharged after his luck ran out, now partially deaf with a knee he needs to watch.

At the ceremony is families of other soldiers getting ready to take them home. All cheering and happy to have their loved ones back. Among the crowd someone Price seems to recognise and smile at.

Once it's all over, Ghost is getting ready to leave when he notices the lone man talking to the others. Eventually coming over to him.

The scot is from the mechanics department, unable to enlist due to be partially deaf from his family. He's there to just talk to everyone leaving and hopefully give them a good moment before leaving the life they've grown used to. Ghost being one he wants to talk to as well.

Ghost wants to refuse the offer of a drink, but he's intrigued by this stranger so decides to take it.

Being alive for the end of his military career is something Ghost had stopped planning for a very, very long time ago. Yet here he stands, medically discharged with a bum knee and shit hearing, just wishing he could go home.

Price had claimed the socialization would be good for him ("Can't become a recluse in retirement, Riley"), and that it wouldn't hurt to give himself some proper closure, but Ghost begs to differ—he's exhausted, his leg hurts, and even just talking with his former captain has begun to feel draining.

So it's a great relief when the din of conversation begins to die down and Price reluctantly gives him the green light to leave—but it's at this point that, upon casting a cursory glance around the thinning crowd, the captain spots who Ghost must assume is a friend, by the smile and curt wave Price throws over Ghost's shoulder.

Curious, Ghost turns to follow Price's line of sight across the room, his gaze falling on a man he hadn't noticed prior, nor that he recognizes. The man raises a hand in acknowledgement of Price, his face friendly (and handsome) even half-turned and far away. He's helping with clean-up, in conversation with a few lingering veterans, though Ghost notes he isn't in uniform like himself, Price, and others; Ghost wonders how he and Price could be familiar.

But as he turns to ask, he finds that Price has disappeared on him, and now Ghost feels terribly awkward standing alone in the middle of a room he already didn't want be in with someone he knows.

Then someone clears his throat beside him, and Ghost suddenly finds himself face-to-face with Price's mystery friend, acquaintance, whatever.

"Hey," the man greets, sticking out his hand for Ghost to shake, "I'm John. MacTavish. But you can call me Soap."

Ghost eyes Soap's hand, but doesn't accept it. He arches a brow at the nickname. "The hell kind of a name is Soap?"

Somewhat to Ghost's surprise, Soap merely laughs, something loud and warm and bright. He offers a wry grin, the expression (charmingly, endearingly) lopsided. "Long story," he says, then pauses, briefly searching past Ghost like something's missing. "Saw Price was here with you, but he seems to have vanished, aye?"

Ghost can't help but snort. "Tell me about it. Bastard made me attend, forced me to stay, then left me alone," he mutters. "Thinks he's still my captain."

"Your captain, huh?" Soap's grin twists into a calmer, more tame smile—polite and considerate, like Ghost had seen him wear while chatting not several minutes before. His eyes, however, electric blue and brimming with the unknown, tell a different story, one that Ghost finds himself wanting to read. "What say you to drinks? If you'd be open to talkin' more, that is."

Ghost frowns. "You don't even know my name."

Soap shrugs. "I'd find out eventually."

"Presumptuous," Ghost replies, deadpan.

"I call it ambitious," Soap counters, teasing. He tilts his head, and only then does Ghost notice the hearing aid in one of his ears. "So?"

Ghost stares. "So?"

"Drinks," Soap reminds. "You look like you could use a nice scotch."

The former lieutenant considers the proposal, more inclined to say no—but a second longer of thought has Ghost wanting to unearth the mystery of John "Soap" MacTavish, strangely enough. So he nods, tentative, and does his best to ignore his hammering heart when Soap's face lights up as he does so.

"Make it a bourbon and you have a deal," Ghost says, and somehow that makes Soap beam even wider.

There, Price, Ghost thinks, as Soap leads him out of the venue, not as socially inept as you thought.

He just hopes that going along won't turn out to be a mistake.

[daytaker]

Hiiii! I’m the anon that asked for the MC’s family request and it was hilarious, 10/10 if you don’t mind May i possibly ask for a part 2 with the dateables? Thanks for reading!

(Part 1: The Brothers)

"Mom, Dad, these are my other four boyfriends and my son."

...is what you almost do say when there's a knock at the door a few weeks later while you're entertaining your parents, your sister, and teenage cousin who's stuck with your folks while your aunt is on a cruise. Your parents stare at you with faces that all but beg you to ignore the damn door. Is it that cult again?

"Open the door! Is it that cult again?" your sister asks with shining eyes. She's been discussing going backpacking across the country ever since she met those seven hot guys who apparently adore you now. Your parents are devastated.

"Cult?" asks your cousin, looking up from his Switch with dead eyes. Your sister starts explaining to him as you go to the door and look through the peephole.

Oh, Christ. Oh, fuck. Oh, son of Gardonus---it's the son of Gardonus.

Opening the door just partway, you see that it's not just Diavolo. No, he brought the whole crew with him. Barbatos, naturally, but also Solomon, Simeon, and even little Luke. Diavolo holds a bouquet of flowers and Luke has a covered platter that almost certainly contains some kind of cake.

"Hiiiii, guys..."

"MC! It's been too long!" laughs Diavolo in his booming voice.

"It's been...a month..." you concede. Why, just...why...do all these handsome men find you so alluring? This is just your cross to bear, apparently. "It isn't a great time though, so---"

"Is that them?" Your cousin is standing behind you, peering out the door.

"No, this is... Who the hell...? MC, don't tell me there are more of them?!" Your sister is clearly astounded, and also quite delighted. "Invite them in! Invite them in!"

So, soon you're standing in the middle of your tiny apartment again, surrounded by friends and family, holding flowers and a cake, and feeling like you'd love it if a chasm in the earth opened up and swallowed you.

"There were more?" Your mom sounds hurt, like you'd been intentionally hiding things from her. "How many more besides these?!"

"Arguably three, but I don't know them well enough for them to visit," you say, winking reassuringly to the nervous author.

"Oh my god, there's a kid?!" Your sister has noticed Luke now. "Holy shit! Whose is he?"

You point mutely to Simeon, who smiles uncomfortably and waves.

"I'm not a kid!" Luke protests. "I'm--"

"You're a pre-teen. We know, Luke. We know." Solomon laughs dangerously, and Luke doesn't put up any more arguments.

You clear your throat. God, this is even more uncomfortable than the last go-round.

"Um, so. Everyone, I'd like you to meet---"

(Individuals are below the cut!)

Diavolo

Diavolo, who was never good at standing by quietly while other people talked, steps forward before you have a time to do any introductions. He extends a hand to your father, who has been eyeing him resentfully all this time.

"You all must be MC's relatives. What a delightful person you've brought into this world! I am Diavolo. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"'Diavolo'?" your cousin mutters, looking at his Switch screen again. "Like from JoJo?"

Dia looks very confused, and as your father hasn't shaken his hand, he smiles awkwardly at you. "Perhaps I'm approaching this the wrong way? Are the customs here very different from...ahem. Where we are from?"

"You mean Italy?" your cousin says.

"Ah-- Yeah. Dia's Italian. People here are a lot less friendly," you tell him.

Your sister asks him how someone like him ended up in a cult.

You remind everyone that you were not in a cult.

"But you met my baby while they were away from home," Mom says accusingly, glaring at Diavolo. "When they were vulnerable and confused."

Diavolo has no idea what to say to that. Your dad is still glaring at him.

Solomon

"This is Solomon. He's---"

"I'm their mentor and closest companion," Solomon says helpfully, taking your hand. "We have a very special relationship."

You really wish that chasm would stop taking its sweet time and open up already.

"Mentor? Special relationship?" Dad finally speaks up, and his arms are crossed over his chest, his expression deadly serious.

"This must be your father," Solomon observes, still smiling. "Sir, it's an honor to finally meet you. I hope I have an opportunity to speak with you privately later. We have a lot to discuss."

Your mom is ready to throw hands with this guy. Your sister is enchanted. Your cousin is cursing under his breath at his Switch.

Solomon wraps an arm around your shoulders and you elbow him in the gut. He smiles through the pain but lets you go.

Simeon

"...Simeon. Simeon, these are my parents. This is my sister, and this is---"

"Is there some sort of attractiveness requirement to join this cult?" your sister asks, beaming at Simeon.

You remind her that there is no cult.

Surprisingly, your parents don't seem nearly as hostile to Simeon. Maybe it's that angelic charm at work. They both shake his hand, which is significantly more than they were willing to do with anyone else.

"Simeon, that's a good, decent name. What do you do for a living?"

"I own and operate a cafe."

Nice one, Simeon. Very smooth. And your parents look even more impressed.

"A business owner, eh? And at such a young age..."

No one points out to them that Simeon has probably been alive longer than humans have existed.

Luke

"...Luke!" He has a completely normal human name! High fives all around!

"And that's his father?" Mom points at Simeon. "He looks awfully young..."

"Oh, Luke's an orphan. Simeon's just his guardian. It's really sad actually. His parents died when their car careened off a cliff."

How did he end up living with a cult though, they want to know. That Simeon guy can't be a very responsible caregiver if he's living on the road.

You explain to your family (again) that they aren't in a cult, that Luke is a totally normal orphan child with a stable and loving home, and yes, Mom, he goes to school. Yes, Mom, he eats vegetables. No, Mom, you don't need to call DCFS.

"He's so cute," your sister coos.

"I am not!" Luke yaps.

"And he's shaking and everything! You know what he reminds me of?"

You rub your temples.

"A Chihuahua."

Barbatos

"This is, uh... This is..."

Barbatos smiles at you and offers not an iota of assistance. He finds this entire thing pretty funny.

"This is Barb... Barbados..."

"What, like the island?" your sister asks.

Yes.... Just like the island....

And yeah, he talks. Sometimes he talks a lot. I don't know why he isn't talking. Barbs, say something.

"It is an honor to finally meet your family, MC. What a charming collection of people."

"I like your hair," your cousin says, actually looking up for once. "And those are pretty sick beads."

You agree that Barbatos's human clothes are pretty sick.

Did you say human clothes? That was weird of you.

Your mother asks why everyone in the cult paints their nails besides Simeon and Luke. You tell her that there is no cult, but, uh, it's just a fashion thing. They just like it. Don't be judgmental.

Your cousin agrees. Don't be judgmental, Auntie. He paints his nails black. So, like, what, is he in a cult now?

You remind everyone that there is not and never was a cult.

Your cousin tries to give Barbatos his Tiktok and tumblr accounts, and Barbatos smiles very graciously but refuses on the grounds that he does not have a Tiktok or tumblr.

After you manage to get the group out of your apartment, shoving Solomon out as he farewells you as his adorable apprentice, you slam the door shut and lock it.

Your parents smile at each other, agreeing that you could do much worse than that nice Simeon boy. Your sister insists that she is going to backpack across the country with at least ten or eleven hot men, even if they do have a kid with them, and nobody is going to stop her. And your cousin has put down his Switch and is now designing a vampire OC that looks suspiciously like Barbatos.

[demigods-posts]

Reasons why Bring on the Monsters from The Lightning Theif musical is an amazing song:

1.) "There's gonna be a fight. There still might be a war. For a moment, we've got danger on the run." Talk about setting the tone. We're in the clear as of today, but something is coming. Something bad.

2.) "Feeling ready🌊" "Feeling stoked🦉" "Feeling quesy🐐". Love how they gave Annabeth the 'feeling stoked' line. Because, of course, she's waiting in the wings, ready to kick ass when need. But it's also hilarious that the actress playing Annabeth is Kristen Stokes. So, I just imagine the writers gave her that line to mess with her.

3.) "Bring on the monsters. Bring on the real world." Like, yeah. They physically spent the majority of this musical in the real world, but they were disconnected from it. The three of them singing this line is a declaration of unity between their human and godly side. They are neither here nor there, not bound to one world, but exist in both.

4.) "They'll be times when your faith is shaken." Yes, your faith in the gods will be on the brink of breaking at any given moment. But so will the faith in yourself. But sometimes, being a demigod means doing it scared. But you won't go it alone.

5.) "Gotta know where the real fight lies when it's time to rise and stand your ground." Annabeth and Clarisse singing about knowing which battles are worth fighting and when is utterly amazing. Because not only are they both children of war gods, but they also canonically struggled with being strong-willed and prideful. It's like even though were at odds at the beginning of the musical, they aren't as different as they first appear.

6.) "No, I'm never gonna once have it easy. I'll make mistakes, but my own, and it frees me." In TLT, Book!Sally says something along the lines of: 'If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.' This is as applicable to a demigod as it is to a mortal. And it's bittersweet because not every demigod gets the chance to choose. Or rather, they don't choose wisely because they're so spiteful when it comes time. But sometimes, you gotta let the anger fade and move forward.

7.) "I'll be back next summer. You'll see me again. I'll be back next summer. I'll survive 'till then." There's something about this line that makes me want to cry. Percy started this musical saying he didn't want to be a half-blood, essentially rejecting the idea of a demigod, but ends the musical declaring his eventual return. He isn't saying goodbye, but a see you later. Which just tugs at my heart strings knowing we'll never get a second musical, but it's okay because Percy's essence extends beyond the Broadway medium. Whether it be a book, musical, movie, or graphic novel, Percy will always be back.

8.) Also, if you listen to the instrumental of this song, the guitar riff at the very end is playing the same melody of 'I didn't wanna to be a half-blood' underneath Percy's declaration of unwavering loyalty to demigods. And it broke me like a bone.

You guys remember these? That's great because I didn't. It just occurred to me that I never finished my analysis of the TLT musical, and I thought I'd get on that. Anyway, this song is fucking incredible, and I want a SOM musical. But I digress.

[bloggingboutburgers]

this past week my qpp of almost two years broke up with me. and i know for you, you said you wouldn't necessarily feel heartbroken if your qpr came to an end, but for me, it felt more heartbreaking than some of my past romantic breakups. this whole thing made me wonder if maybe im not queerplatonic or aro enough to be in a qpr, or if id ever want to be in a qpr again. but seeing you post about your qpr gives me hope that queerplatonic love is something that i can experience fully. so thank you for always sharing your story, because that's what's helping me heal right now <3

Aah, to be perfectly honest, as much as I sorta "downplay" it compared to what it must feel for people who experience romantic attraction... I've had a time where I almost felt like I couldn't go on with my QPP as well and the sheer thought of it was really hard to bear too, so my words here aren't necessarily being very fair to the reality of things.

It was during the travel ban of March 2020 to November 2021 where citizens of my country and others weren't allowed to enter the US unless we spent 15 days in a country that wasn't banned. It made it much harder than usual to visit my partner and as it was nearing 2 years with nobody aware it was going on anymore and US people more concerned about whether they'd be able to have turkey for Thanksgiving, my hope was running really thin. So for a few days in mid-October, as I was at rock bottom, I was starting to write in passing to my partner about how maybe going on wasn't worth it because the separation was too hard on us, it wasn't showing signs of stopping, and the whole thing maybe wasn't worth the pain if they could live their life happily and not have to worry about me who couldn't visit.

And then we videocalled at some point, and when they tearfully told me that even if it did end then and there, they wanted me to keep the promise ring they'd recently given me, I suddenly felt a quiet rage in me going like "No. Fuck this. Look at them. I love them. And I love this too much to allow some cruel governmental decision to end it. If it ever ends, it'll be because WE want it to end. Not because of shit like this."

...I'm making it sound super dramatic but yeah long story short this is also a big reason why we're planning to get married. So that when the US government decides to put a ban on countries including mine again, they can't stop us from vibing together this time.

I guess... I still don't wanna 100% assume we'll be together forever because I don't wanna trap them in a situation they may no longer feel happy in. We're doing great now, but I still have it in the back of my mind that maybe someday they'll get sick of me (they say they never will and that'd be dope if they never did, but never say never and all), or we'll both just want other things, and if it ends like that, then... Yeah, that'd be alright. Much more alright than the way it almost ended.

(...Oh, and for the record, if a friendship of mine ended abruptly, or if my brothers stopped being on good terms with me, I'm pretty sure I'd be just as heartbroken, to be fair. And it'd feel like my reality was collapsing a little. I guess anything ending, any human connection ending, has that effect to a degree, if it's important enough, after all.)

Though describing things like that does make it a bit harder to define what makes it "queerplatonic" as opposed to "romantic", I still... Just have that feeling in my gut that it isn't romance, y'know? It's kinda... A mix between being close friends and being an old married couple without ever having gone through the grandiose passion-honeymoon phase. Maybe that phase IS what defines romance per se. I don't know. Maybe someday I'll find more answers, but it's kinda hard to find answers when you have no idea how romance works to begin with I guess 🙈

In any case... Sorry if I caused any confusion or if I made you question your validity. The thing is pretty simple to be honest: if you feel you're aro, you're veeeeeery likely to BE aro. Because nobody can make that call but you and nobody can name the relationships you have but you. And if amongst everything you even FOUND the words "aro" or "queerplatonic" in a world where those identities and types of relationships are so aggressively hidden or erased, then it's gotta stand for something.

...I guess at the very least THIS I can be certain of TwT Sorry I'm a bit messy about all of this myself, I'm still also going on about it trying to figure it out day by day, but I owed it to you and everyone to be honest. These things are hard to define and I hope to keep finding better and better words to do so someday. TwT

[flanaganfilm]

Hello and Howdy Mr. Mike Flanagan! I'm excited to see you here on our humble hellsite. I have so much to say and ask about your netflix shows but for the moment, I want to ask about Doctor Sleep because I enjoyed that movie immensely - it filled me with a pleasant sense of dread, which possibly makes no sense, or a lot of sense.

What was that creative process like? Reconciling book and movie canons, following Kubrick's legacy, working with Ewan and Rebecca and Zahn and everyone else. I'm obsessed with King adaptations and I'm just fascinated with Doctor Sleep.

Alright! Buckle up for yet another long read.

Thank you for your question, and for this opportunity to go back and talk about DOCTOR SLEEP. It's a very special film to me, and a very special time in my life as well.

It all started with a general meeting with Jon Berg at Warner Bros.

The meeting itself started pretty wild - Adrien Brody walked out of the office as I was waiting to go in. Jon introduced us and we chatted for a few minutes, and I was a little out of whack for the rest of the meeting because I had a very potent "wow that was Adrien Brody" buzz going.

We were meant to talk about DC Comics and see if there was anything to do there. I was really hoping to chat about a horror-slanted Clayface movie, and about my favorite superhero: Superman.

Neither conversation went very far. I had just finished GERALD'S GAME, and Jon was a King fan, so he asked about the production. And then he asked if I'd ever read Warners' script for DOCTOR SLEEP.

I had. In fact, I had tried very hard to get a meeting at the studio when the book was first published. Warners owned the rights to DOCTOR SLEEP outright - it was part of their deal going all the way back to THE SHINING - so they immediately began looking into movie options when the book was published. Akiva Goldsman had written a script, and it was one of the first projects I asked about when I signed with WME as a client years before. "That isn't going anywhere," they told me. "I don't think that movie gets made."

They had tried to get me the meeting anyway, but no one at Warners responded. I never got in the room.

But now, here I was. What did I have to lose at this point?

"I did read it," I said. "I'd take a different approach." Jon sat back and smiled. "I love the book, Rose is one of the great villains of all time," he said. I agreed. He probed. "What's wrong with the script?"

"I don't think it follows the book closely enough."

"What would you do?"

"I'd do the book. Streamline it, combine some characters, and you'd have to rethink the True Knot a bit. But otherwise, just do the book. As long as it's a three-hander between Danny, Abra and Rose it'll work. With one big asterisk."

"What's that?"

"I think you have to bring back the hotel. Kubrick's hotel, I mean."

Jon smiled wider. "Yeah, it's a bummer the hotel burned down. King goes out of his way at the start of the book to emphasize that - no Overlook, look no further."

This was my biggest gripe with the book.

I said "When I read the book, all I could see was Kubrick's hotel. I think you do the book as close as you possibly can, until the big fight at the end. Instead of it taking place in an empty field, let it be in the hotel."

Jon: "Do you think King will be upset if you change his ending? You know how feels about THE SHINING, right?"

Me: "What if we gave him THAT ending? What if we let Danny have Jack's ending? Jack sacrificed himself to save his family and destroy the Overlook - why not let Danny do that? Change the ending, sure, but give him the ending Kubrick denied him."

We shook hands, and I called my producing partner Trevor Macy to tell him it was a good general, but nothing was coming out of my DC meeting. By the time I'd made it back to my car, though, Jon had reached out to Stephen King and asked if he'd be interested in me taking a swing at it. Steve, who had enjoyed GERALD'S GAME, said yes.

I was immediately petrified when the call came in that they might want to engage me on a rewrite of DOCTOR SLEEP, with a directorial attachment. I'd have to rewrite the script from scratch, and I kind of felt like they were calling my bluff. But the deal was made and quite suddenly I was adapting DOCTOR SLEEP.

First order of business was to make King aware of what I intended to do. I had just established a tentative relationship with my hero over GERALD'S GAME, and the last thing - the very last thing in the world I ever wanted - was to upset him. We weren't in direct communication, we spoke through agents and emails at this point - but I had to make him aware of the Overlook thing.

I put together a proposal that outlined what I wanted to do - use Kubrick's visual language, and keep the Overlook standing as a setting for the final battle. The initial feedback we got was "no." King really, really didn't like Kubrick's film, and his priority was to adapt DOCTOR SLEEP - not to revisit THE SHINING.

I told him that if he didn't want me to do it, I wouldn't - I'd walk away from the movie before I made something he hated. But as a last ditch effort, I said "imagine the Overlook, decrepit and rotten. And imagine Dan Torrance having walk in to 'wake it up,' the lights coming on above his head as he walks the halls. He finds his way to the Gold Room. To the familiar bar, where an empty glass is waiting for him. And we see a familiar bartender ready to pour for him, saying 'good evening Mister Torrance.' What if that bartender is his father?"

After a bit of a delay, King got back to us. "Do it," he said.

Writing the script was tough. I immediately felt like I had stepped into a very unsafe space. "This is going to piss everybody off," I figured. Kubrick fans would be livid that the movie was being made. King fans might be angry that Kubrick's imagery was being homaged. There was no way to please everyone, so I set about writing the movie I wanted to see most.

It was a slightly nauseous feeling that would stay with me until the movie came out.

I sat down to write with a hardcover copy of DOCTOR SLEEP to my right, and a hardcover copy of THE SHINING to my left. I read both cover to cover, sticking post-its throughout the pages with ideas, or flagging lines of dialogue (or even prose) that I wanted to protect. I managed to put together a basic outline for the movie, which was intimidating and sprawling.

I finally finished the draft and sent it off to Warner Bros. and King at the same time. I was shooting THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE at the time, and thought it would take a long while and a few more iterations before SLEEP would go anywhere, if it ever did.

Warner Bros. shocked us all by coming back with a green light. I've been told that it was one of the fastest green lights in the recent history of the studio, and I believe it.

It happened so fast, in fact, that Steve hadn't read the script yet. I got an email from him on a Friday saying "I read the first half, and I absolutely love it - my son's getting married, so I'll pick it up in a week or so and finish it, but great so far!" I was nauseous... because I knew everything that King was likely to hate was in the second half.

When he finally did finish reading it, about a week later, he reached out and said:

"I think it's really good. In my experience, this is the kind of script studios don't make, because it's TOO good. Hopefully I'm wrong. But no matter how it turns out, thanks for treating me so well. - Steve"

I had the distinct pleasure of being able to write him back and tell him that Warner Bros. had just greenlit the movie. And we were off to the races.

The pressure was enormous. They were spending a lot of money on this movie, and because of the insane box office success of IT: CHAPTER ONE, expectations were very high.

We were given access to Kubrick's blueprints for the Overlook hotel set, which were still held at Warner Bros. While we set about rebuilding the sets, our attention turned to casting.

For Dan, we met with a handful of actors: Dan Stevens, Chris Evans, Matt Smith, and Jeremy Renner all came in to chat about the movie. But Ewan McGregor, who himself was eight years sober (just like Dan), was the obvious choice. "Let's not talk about the Shining yet," he said. "I want to talk about recovery." He was the guy.

For Rose the Hat, we talked with several actresses, including Anne Hathaway, Nicole Kidman, and my dear friend Karen Gillan - but Rebecca Ferguson knocked our socks off on a 90-minute zoom meeting, and the part was hers.

Finding Abra Stone was more difficult - we auditioned more than 900 girls for the part. We'd narrowed it down to a half-dozen very promising and successful young actresses, including Lulu Wilson (who I'd worked with several times before and adore), but Kyliegh Curran's self-tape audition rose to the very top of the pile. Ewan flew to Atlanta to read with our final picks, and when Kyliegh - who lived 15 minutes from our office, was local casting, and had never booked a job before - finished reading, he turned to us and said "I mean it's her, right?" It absolutely was.

When we cast her, we invited her back to the office after school one day to get oriented. The crew was so excited for her that they decorated the production office in her honor.

As the rest of the cast fell in, we started doing our camera tests and getting excited about what we were putting together. My feeling over overwhelming nausea only got stronger.

We started shooting in September of 2018. The shoot was long, but never exhausting. The cast and crew were uniformly pleasant and happy to be there, and after the soul-crushing slog that had been THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE, it was a relief to enjoy working again.

Kate was pregnant with our daughter Theo at the time. She visited as much as she could, but finally couldn't travel any more. Being away from Kate and our son Cody was hard, but I'm so grateful that we got to share some time on set together.

All things considered, this was a smooth shoot. But something happened for me while we were making it that would change the course of my life forever.

See, THE SHINING is about alcoholism. King wrote it while in the throes of his own addiction, and it is a novel about the anxiety he felt about what he could potentially do to his family if left unchecked. It's one of the reasons he was so upset with Kubrick's adaptation - all of that was taken away. This is a profoundly personal story for King.

When he wrote DOCTOR SLEEP, he was decades sober. The story of DOCTOR SLEEP is the story of recovery. This was something that Ewan knew very well, and why he was perfect for the part. He knew what the journey felt like. He wasn't alone - there were a number of cast and crew members on this shoot that were sober. In fact, just about all of the actors who played main characters were sober. I was still drinking at the time, though it had already become obviously problematic in my life, I hadn't taken any meaningful steps to change it.

This photograph was taken on 10/12/2018. This was taken on the day I got sober. I quit cold turkey, in the middle of production. I was clinging to vices at the time. Note not only the cigarette in my hand (I was smoking almost 2 packs a day), but the ash tray that had been rigged to the top of my viewfinder by the camera department. (I don't smoke anymore either, just about four years without cigs as well... and I still miss them.)

I had been writing about addiction for a decade. It was all over my work, going all the way back to ABSENTIA. I didn't realize just how much I was writing about myself, and I still can't believe it took me this long.

I vividly recall writing the scene between Dan and Jack at the bar. My wife pointed out to me after the fact that she could see it then, that something was changing in me when it came to drinking. Something was waking up, and I was processing a desperate need to sober up. That scene represents an internal conversation that is profoundly personal to me. It's still my favorite scene of the movie.

I've been sober now for over 4 years. DOCTOR SLEEP helped me finally make that decision. I finished the shoot sober, and came home to my life with a lot of uncertainty and insecurity. But with the unflinching support of my incredible wife, and some amazing friends, my life started to really blossom. It was pretty immediately evident that this was one of the best decisions I'll ever make.

Meanwhile, though, I had to finish DOCTOR SLEEP.

I LOVED the movie we'd made, but I was still terrified of what King would think of it - not to mention Kubrick's estate.

When we finished the cut, I flew to Bangor to screen the finished film for Steve. It was the first I'd meet him in person, and one of the most insanely exciting and humbling days of my life.

We watched the movie together, and I was acutely aware of each and every little reaction he had throughout.

(With Trevor Macy, my producing partner at Intrepid)

When the show as over, Steve turned to me and said "You did a beautiful job." And ultimately, he added that this film had made him warm up to the Kubrick movie as well.

A week later, we heard from Kubrick's estate that they had also loved the movie.

With King's blessing, and Kubrick's family, I felt that nausea finally subside. I said to Kate, "that's it. That's all that matters. Doesn't matter if the movie crashes and burns - we already won the important battle."

And then, the movie crashed and burned.

A group of us went to see it opening night at Arclight Hollywood (my favorite theater). We were just about the only people there. And I knew immediately that we were going to have a bad weekend.

The movie didn't perform very well. Warner Bros. was disappointed, and ended up scrapping the Dick Hallorann movie we were planning, as well as the Overlook Hotel prequel.

I was pretty crest-fallen. I'd spent years tossing and turning over whether audiences would be divided between the King and Kubrick camps. I'd been petrified that they'd be furious, venomous, run me out on a rail... I'd never considered that they'd be utterly disinterested. Apathy wasn't even on my radar.

Steve called me the Monday after opening weekend with some words of encouragement. "I remember when THE SHINING bombed," he said. "And SHAWSHANK. Give it some time. It'll find its audience. It's a really good movie."

That has turned out to be true. While it didn't set the world on fire theatrically, the movie has over-performed on VOD and streaming. And when Warner Bros. released the Directors Cut (I'm still so grateful that they did that), it popped even more.

So yes, to answer your question - the pressures were enormous. I hope this paints a little picture of what it was like. The biggest gift I got out of it, though, was sobriety.

I reached out to King a year later, on my first sober birthday. I hadn't told him I was sober, but it felt like time to do it. I got to thank him. "I never told you this, but I sobered up while we were shooting DOCTOR SLEEP, and I don't think I would have done it without your words. Living in that story, and marinading in the concepts of recovery and redemption made it possible. I just want to thank you."

He wrote back his congratulations, and then mentioned "as it happens, I'm off to celebrate 30 years myself. It only gets better and better."

And he is absolutely right.

DOCTOR SLEEP was the perfect project for me after the nightmare that was HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE. I fell in love with making movies again. And I found a new and wonderful gear for my life. It has only made everything better - my marriage, my work, my experience walking around on planet earth. I'm so grateful for it.

When I think of DOCTOR SLEEP, I think of Ewan sitting at the bar and looking at the glass in his hand. "Man takes a drink, drink takes a drink... and then the drink takes the man. Ain't it so, dad."

Ewan understood those words better than I did when I typed them into the script. I understand them much better now.

There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not profoundly grateful for my time at the Overlook. And for myriad of ways my life has been changed because of it.

[i-willstealyourtoes]

Hi! I just saw requests were open and I was wanting to request a few of the tf2 mercs (heavy, medic, and engineer) with an s/o who has night terrors. I have them due to ptsd and the medication for them doesn't work 100%

Hi, I just thought I'd let you know I have no knowledge on PTSD, so I apologise if any of this is offensive or inaccurate, I more just wrote this about people who have frequent sleep issues!

Heavy, Engineer and Medic with an s/o with night terrors

Heavy

- Heavy is a very understanding and patient man with the people he cares about, so you best know he will be here for you any time of the day/night

- If you decide to tell him about this, he appreciates it for sure

- "Thank you, (Y/n), for telling Heavy."

- He's glad you trust him with this, especially if your sleeping issues come from something that happened to you

- He has personal experience of traumatic things too when he was young, and has some nightmares too

- Depending on how long you've been together, he might just tell you all about his past too

- If you haven't been together, he'll just briefly mention the topic

- "Heavy understands this too well. Too well..."

- If you tried hiding it, he isn't angry at you of course, since he hides things too

- But he lightly scolds you the same way he scolds his sisters

- "Why did you not tell Heavy? Heavy does not judge. Do not hide from Heavy. Please."

- He loves you, and wants you to trust him with this :')

- He definitely asks Medic for advice, both about how to support you but also if there's any medication

- He does trust his Medic, but he does threaten him to give you something actually helpful and nothing suspicious

- "Doctor gives this. Helps with night problems."

- Will make you at least try it (not by force, but he'll heavily encourage it)

- If you want, he'll read to you (in Russian, preferably) if it helps you relax before sleeping

- Most nights will end with him gently holding you as you both sleep, as his unconscious way of keeping you safe

- If you wake up from a nightmare, he'll probably feel it, either that or you wake him yourself

- When he does awake, no matter what time it is, he'll still stay up and help you with whatever you need

- He loves you, he will always care for and protect you :)

Engineer

- Engineer is also very caring of his partners, so he definitely wouldn't judge either

- If you tell him straight away, he's glad

- It warms his heart to know you trust him with something like this

- He is a great listener, so if you want to talk about the cause of these he's your guy

- Dell's patient, super patient, so if you don't want to talk about it at the time he understands

- "Whenever you're ready, sweetheart."

- (When he calls you 'sweetheart' >>>>)

- If you do tell him about it in further, he can't help but furrow his brows in sympathy

- How could someone as brilliant as you deserve all this?

- After you tell him, he definitely holds you close and leaves kisses on your head

- "Thank you for sharing this, honey."

- If you do hide this from him though, he has the same sort of reaction as Heavy

- In which, he scolds you a little for not trusting him with this

- He isn't mad, but he hopes you'll be able to tell him these things sooner rather than later next time

- Anyways, he definitely has a trial and error sort of thing with your sleeping issues

- While yes, he always spends hours late at night working anyway, now he spends a couple of those hours writing notes on what helps you out

- Since he usually works late (no matter how much you try, you can't fully stop him from doing so), he doesn't usually go to bed with you when you do

- But after a bit of working here and there, he'll eventually slide into bed with you, resting your head on his chest

- He likes watching you sleep (bit creepy, tbh) for a little before drifting off

- If you have a nightmare whilst he's in bed, he definitely wakes up before you (he has a sixth sense, idk) and gently wakes you up by stroking your hair/face

- "Hey, wake up honeybee, you're alright, it's just me..."

- If he's at work when you have a nightmare, just come up to him and he'll hold you on his lap (if not possible, he'll just cup your face)

- Either way, he'll be here for you, giving you a hot chocolate/tea/warm drink, holding your hand and leaving small kisses on your shoulder and knuckes

- As previously stated before, he is very patient, so he doesn't mind staying up for hours with you

- He genuinely loves you, and if caring for you includes this, he doesn't mind at all

Medic

- He does more medical checks on you than any of the other mercs, so he probably finds out about it then

- If you tell him first, he's happy that you trust him, even if he already knows

- "Thank you, for telling me this liebe. I already knew by your check-ups, but thank you anyway!"

- Still, he appreciates your honesty and is glad that you told him

- It's better to hear it from you, since you're the one suffering from the issue

- If you talk to him about the cause of these/what they often are about, he can't help but hold your hand in support

- "I know I'm not the best with emotional support... but I am here for you. We will solve this together!"

- If you don't tell him and try to hide it, he's probably going to bring it up at some point, since he'll figure it out rather quick

- "You have... nightmares, correct? How long has it been this way?"

- He would ask quite a few questions during the discussion, writing down any important notes on his notebook

- He will try almost everything to try help, writing down the results of each trial

- By almost everything, I mean he'll be so obsessed on finding some sort of medical solution, he'll forget that sometimes just holding eachother can help too

- "You want me to... hold you? Oh, liebe, of course. How could I forget?"

- Like Engineer, he also stays up quite late sometimes, but tries to remind himself you like sleeping with him

- He always holds you close, leaving a kiss on your forehead with a smile undeniably on his face

- "Sorry for being so late, dear. I'm here now."

- When you wake up from a nightmare, he'll be there no matter what, whether he's in his medbay or he's beside you

- I think he has some sort of sixth sense like Engineer, where he just knows something has happened

- Either way, he's there for you, holding you to his chest, running his hand through your hair/rubbing your back

- "Do not worry, my liebe. I'm here..."

- If any medication can help, he's definitely encouraging you to take it

- As for his notebook with all the ideas, he's definitely going through all of them until you calm down and can try going to sleep

- He cares for you so much, he's willing to stay up anytime with you

[writingforstraykids]

More than friends - Chp.2

Pairing: Minho x Chan x fem!reader / Minchan x fem!reader

Word Count: 5052

Summary: Things with Chan don't work out as expected and he seems a little irritated by your sudden deep bond with Minho, feeling left out. When he doesn't feel well you're the one taking care of him...

Warnings/Tags: fluff, angst, insomnia, chan has trouble breathing, emotional hurt!comfort, hurt!comfort, insecure/jealous!chan, soft!minho

A/N: For everyone wondering why this chapter isn't going as you thought...I'm currently working on chapter 4👀🤭~🌙

PART ONE | PART THREE

"You're not mad?" Minho asks and tilts his head at him. 

"We've talked about this, baby. I could tell you like her more than a friend, and she's so desperate for love she doesn't pick up on a damn signal," he rolls his eyes at you. "I knew one day I'd come home, and you'd tell me you met someone. It's even better knowing it's my best friend." 

Minho's face softens, and he visibly relaxes. "And you're okay with that?" 

Chan smiles at him fondly. "I am very okay with that." 

“Great…because there’s more,” Minho nods gently, and Chan frowns at him.

“More?” he asks puzzled.

Minho meets your eyes and nods encouragingly. "I…I know I've been a complete bitch yesterday," you start gently, making your way over to the table. 

"You were," Chan nods, still not quite forgiving you for treating Minho that shitty. 

"It's because I was jealous," you confess. 

"Jealous? You mean of me because I'm Minho's boyfriend?" he asks, frowning softly. 

"And jealous of me because I'm your boyfriend," Minho clarifies, and Chan's frown deepens. 

"I've been in love with you for years, Chan," you admit quietly. "I gave up on that, and then I met Minho and developed a crush on him."

"Oh." Chan breathes out, eyes widening. 

"And then you told her we're a couple." Minho nods. 

"Yeah," you nod and anxiously rub your arm, sitting down at the table with them. "Like, what's the chance the two guys I fell for become boyfriends instead?"

Minho giggles. "Mhm sounds frustrating." 

"It was," you nod and chew your lower lip, glancing at your hyung. "Chan I…I still have feelings for you too." 

Chan nods very gently and rubs the back of his neck, glancing from you to Minho and back. "I uhm…what's the plan here?" 

Minho steps in, placing his hand on Chan's resting on the table. "I told you I'm open to having more than one partner…she would be too. That doesn't mean you have to be, and I don't want you to feel pressured or anything," he says, and Chan searches his eyes observantly. You watch them anxiously, feeling like you're intruding even though this is about you just as much. 

"Phew, okay," Chan nods very slowly, looking at you shortly. He can tell you're desperate to hear his answer and wishes he could give you what you want to hear. Sighing, he closes his eyes for a moment before focusing on Minho again. His boyfriend's kind smile and understanding eyes give him a sense of safety in this new situation. "I…I don't think I'm ready for all this," Chan gently shakes his head, and your heart drops slightly. He sighs and turns to look at you. "I love you too, I have for years," he says, a gentle smile covering his face. "But…"

"Not like that," you nod, swallowing hard. 

"No, that's not it," Chan shakes his head and squints his eyes at you for a second. "I'm-I love you, actually, but…I'm not ready." 

"Okay," you whisper, swallowing down tears bravely. 

"It's not you; it's the job and what comes with it. I'm still not very used to Min and me hiding all the time," he says, looking back at him, his smile saddening a little. "I don't think I can handle having to hide two partners right now, it's…it's too much and…oh, darling, please don't cry," he ends with a whisper, as he looks back at you and sees a big tear falling down your cheek. "God, I'm so sorry," he says and gets up, stepping behind you and pulling you against his chest. He kisses your cheek softly and leans his head against you, meeting Minho's eyes. "I love you, okay?" 

"Love you too," you nod and gently pat his arms, which are wrapped around your chest. 

"I need some time to figure this out, okay?" Chan asks gently, and you nod again, swallowing hard. "This is all very new to me, starting with the fact that you have feelings for me too. I didn't think you did. Also, I'm…I never really thought about having multiple partners, dear." 

"It's fine," you promise, quickly wiping away another tear. 

Chan squeezes you tightly and gently rocks you in his arms. "I'll figure this out, I promise," he says, and you can do nothing but nod. "I love you so much, Y/N. Don't forget that while I do," he tells you and places a gentle kiss on your shoulder. 

Minho joins the two of you and cups your face, soothingly caressing your cheeks. "Maybe it's better this way for now," he says and gives you an encouraging smile. "After all, the two of us have enough to figure out on our own for now." 

"Yeah," you nod and exhale deeply. "I need a moment," you say and squeeze Chan's arms for him to let go of you. 

Chan stares after you, deep in thought, and almost reacts a little startled as Minho steps next to him, rubbing his shoulder. "Minnie baby?" he asks quietly. 

"Yes, love?" Minho asks patiently. 

"I didn't just fuck that up, right?" he asks anxiously. 

Minho shakes his head and steps in front of him. "Look at me," he says softly, and Chan's worried chocolate orbs meet his own calm ones. "I'm proud of you." 

"What?" he asks confused. 

"You made sure to set your boundaries even if it meant hurting her for now," he says, and Chan's eyes flicker away guiltily. "Hey," he gently grabs his chin and makes him look at him again. "It's important, and she knows you love her nevertheless."

"I didn't want to hurt her," he says and anxiously chews on his lower lip. "It's just…I don't even know right now if I still love her like that." 

Minho lovingly fondles his lip with his thumb, easing it out from between his teeth. "Remember this?" he says, gently taking Chan's hand and placing it on his chest right above his heart. Chan smiles softly and grabs Minho's hand, placing it on his chest. "Your feelings are valid. Your comfort matters. You have to listen to yourself first." 

Chan nods along, exhaling softly, and feels the pressure of keeping up an act until everyone else is happy falling off him. He can feel Minho's heart beating beneath the palm of his hand, Minho's hand spreading warmth on his chest. "Thank you," he whispers. 

Minho covers his hand with the other and rubs mindless patterns against his skin. "You feel that?" he asks, speaking of his heartbeat, and Chan nods. "As long as this is beating, I'll be right there reminding you of these things and loving you with every fiber of my body." 

Chan's face breaks into a sweet smile, dimples accentuating his face. "I love you too, Minnie." 

"I know you do," he smiles softly. "Which is why I'll respect you taking your time, and I promise I won't pressure you because I trust you." 

Chan smiles and presses their foreheads together. "I don't know what I'd do without you." 

"Stop that," he giggles and takes Chan's hand, that's still resting on his chest. He brings it up to his mouth and plants tiny kisses on his knuckles. "I'll go check on her, okay? Why don't you wash up, and I'll make dinner after?" 

"Sounds good to me," he nods and leans in, stealing a loving kiss. "Thank you, baby." 

"I just kissed your best friend, and you didn't freak. I should be thanking you," he giggles playfully and pokes his side. Minho makes his way upstairs and gently knocks at your door before letting himself in. He bites back a laugh, seeing you lying on your stomach in bed, your face buried in a pillow. Minho throws himself onto the mattress next to you, mirroring your position for a moment before pulling his face from the pillow. "How the fuck do you breathe like that?" 

"I don't," you say, your voice muffled by the pillow. 

Minho giggles softly and shifts onto his side, bracing his head on his arm. "What are you feeling right now?" he asks, very gently brushing his hand over your head. 

"I don't know," you whine softly. "Like, I'm happy we talked about this and everything…but I feel bad for throwing it onto Channie like that." 

Minho hums softly. "He feels bad for hurting you."

"What?" you groan, pushing yourself up. 

"Well, he hates seeing you cry, dummy," he snorts and mindlessly rubs his hand down your arm. "Give him time, alright?" 

"It's not like I'd have a choice," you sigh. 

"Not really," he smirks and gently pokes your nose with his finger. "But you have me for now…that's a start, isn't it?" 

You laugh softly and roll your eyes at him. "You're right," you nod and let him caress your cheek caringly. 

"We'll need some time as well to figure out how things work out for us," he tells you. "I don't want to rush." 

"I get that," you nod agreeingly.

Minho nods before pulling you close and on top of him as he turns onto his back. "You're gonna be okay? With Channie, I mean?" 

"I'll be alright," you tell him, smiling down at him. 

"Good," he hums gently and smiles up at you, eyes sparkling as he does. 

Every time you see him up close, you can tell why Chan fell so hard for him that easily. You mindlessly brush back his hair before meeting his eyes again. "Should we go and make dinner?" 

"Yeah," Minho nods and searches your eyes before gently connecting your lips. You smile into the feeling and kiss back softly before pulling back. "I got you," he promises softly, and you believe him. 

-

A few days later, Chan comes back from the studio, throwing his bag aside and making his way toward the two of you on the sofa. He subconsciously slows down seeing you on Minho's lap, giggling with him as you show him something on your phone. Minho mindlessly rubs your thigh, head resting on your shoulder. Chan sits down on the sofa with a bit of distance between him and the two of you, somehow feeling like he's intruding. 

Minho looks up and flashes him a genuine smile, reaching out for his hand. "Hey, Channie love." 

"Hey there," you say, scrolling through your pictures. 

"Hey," he says softly, squeezing his hand. 

"You had a good day, love?" he asks caringly.

Chan hums gently. "Yeah, it was alright." 

"We didn't make dinner yet," he tells him, squeezing his hand. 

"Okay," Chan nods and gets up. "I'll go shower first, then." 

"Sure," Minho nods and focuses back on you as you show him something. He giggles as you show him something. 

"What are you looking at?" Chan asks curiously, and you also turn the phone for him to see. "Y/N, I told you not to show him those," he groans as he sees a picture of himself as a kid. 

"What?" Minho frowns at him. "You look so cute." 

"No, I didn't," he shakes his head, frustrated. "Can you stop that?" 

"I'm sorry, I just stumbled across them in my gallery," you tell him honestly. "I found a few of us back when we were like five. You wanna see them?" 

"No," he shakes his head and shoves his hands into his pockets. 

You frown softly and shut off your phone. "What's wrong? Usually, you love looking at old pictures." 

"No, I don't. You love looking at them," he says, giving you a meaningful glance. "For me, they're a reminder of the freedom to do whatever I want I don't have anymore." 

"Okay, you could've told me that," you tell him gently. 

"Whatever," he huffs and walks upstairs before you can react any further. 

"What the hell was that about?" you frown. 

"He's probably tired," Minho shrugs and gently pats your hips. "Can you handle dinner tonight? I'll go make sure he's okay, help him wash up and stuff." 

"Sure," you nod agreeing, and busy yourself in the kitchen. Earlier today, Minho and you decided to surprise Chan with his favorite, and you're determined to get it right. 

Minho steps into their bathroom and pulls the door closed after him, leaning against it. "What was that about?" 

"I already told you," he says, pulling off his beanie, curls falling freely around his face. 

"You never told me that before," he frowns softly. 

"Mhm, because you always get all happy and giggling, and that's cute," Chan rolls his eyes playfully, pulling off his sweater. 

Minho watches him observantly and chews his lower lip. "You know I asked you if you're okay with the thought of me having another partner like a thousand times, right?" he asks, and Chan hums simply, throwing his sweatpants into a corner. "And what did you tell me?" 

"Min, this isn't about you and her being a thing now," he groans softly and raises his eyebrows as Minho steps in front of him, grabbing his chin and making him look at him. 

"Don't do that," he says, searching his eyes. "Don't play pretend with me." 

"I'm not -" his mouth falls shut at Minho's firm look. "Baby," he groans in protest. 

"You're either going to be honest with me right now, or I'll leave and ignore you sulking all evening," he says, and Chan closes his eyes in defeat. 

"I…not now, okay?" he asks quietly. Minho watches him for another moment before turning around and leaving, going back downstairs. Chan bites back a frustrated groan and rubs his face tiredly, wondering if he pissed him off now. Only shortly after, the door opens again, and he's back, closing the door after himself and locking it. He doesn't pay much attention to him as he turns on the water in the tub and checks the temperature. 

Minho's clothes soon meet the floor, wearing only his boxers. He closes the distance and pulls him into a fierce kiss. Chan's hands land on his hips, pulling him in, as he chases his lips desperately almost immediately. Minho deepens the kiss and fondles down his back. "You trust me?" 

"Yeah," he whispers against his lips, his eyes falling close as Minho kisses down his neck. Minho pulls him into the bathtub as soon as it's filled and straddles his lap, hugging him close as he does. Chan instinctively buries his face in his neck, humming lowly as Minho runs his hand through his hair. 

Minho soothingly massages his scalp before easing out all the knots in Chan's neck and shoulders, making his boyfriend moan against his skin in relief. "You're tired, love?" he asks gently, and Chan hums in agreement. "Lean back your head a little; I'll wash your hair for you," he says, and Chan does as he says, eyes fluttering close as soon as Minho starts massaging the shampoo into his hair. Minho smiles softly at the sight and takes his time, lovingly washing his hair for him. "You're so pretty," he says adoringly once he's done, and Chan blushes heavily. 

"No, I'm not," he protests tiredly. 

Minho shakes his head at him and cups his face, planting tiny kisses all over his face until Chan starts giggling. "Gosh, my sweet love, I wish you'd believe me one day when I tell you that." 

"Sorry," he smiles, pained. "I just don't see it." 

"I'll tell you until you do, my pretty boy," Minho promises and gently rubs his shoulders. “So, what’s going on?”

Chan sighs softly. "I guess I'm scared." 

"Of what?" Minho asks patiently, soothingly fondling his back. 

"That she'll be better for you than I am," he admits. "Or that you'll end up loving her more." 

Minho cups his face and searches his eyes observantly. "My sweet Channie love," he says adoringly. "Why would I ever compare the two of you, huh? This doesn't mean I'll leave you behind." 

"Promise?" he asks, almost sounding a little timid. 

"I promise," he nods and kisses him soothingly. "I love you so much, Channie; I'd never want to miss that." 

"I love you too," he smiles softly. 

"I mean it, love," Minho promises and presses another few soft kisses all over his face until Chan's giggling and trying to get away. 

-

Just like that, another two weeks passed, and Minho and you grew more comfortable around each other. Chan doesn’t seem to mind anymore, knowing he’d always have a special place in Minho’s heart no matter what, and you’re not pressuring him to make a move. He still has no idea of what his feelings look like for you and he's glad you haven't brought it up until now. 

You’re getting ready for university as Minho rushes down the stairs, putting on his sneakers in the process and almost stumbling. 

“Baby, be careful,” Chan says, sounding a little stressed as he watches him stumbling once more. “There’s no use in you getting hurt just so you’re on time,” he laughs as Minho’s glasses drop to the floor and his boyfriend curses.

“If you woke me up in time, I wouldn’t be running late,” he protests, stuffing the laces into his sneakers. 

Chan rolls his eyes playfully and picks up his glasses for him, putting them back on his nose. “You have an alarm for a reason, baby,” he reminds him gently before kneeling in front of him. 

“That’s the third time this week you missed putting an alarm,” you frown softly. 

“I didn’t forget today,” he shakes his head, smiling softly as Chan ties his shoelaces for him. He gently ruffles his hair, and Chan makes a soft protesting sound. “I simply didn’t hear it.”

“You were that tired?” you ask worriedly. “I thought you went to bed early yesterday?”

“Well, I did, but-” he glances down at Chan before looking up at you again and smirking. “I didn’t go to sleep just then.”

“Got it,” you snort and ignore Chan’s chuckle. “Why was he up that early then?”

“When am I not?” Chan laughs and rolls his eyes at himself. 

“Okay, fair point,” you chuckle.

“I really have to leave,” Minho says and kisses Chan, gripping the hem of his shirt for a moment as if he’s scared to let go of their shared intimacy only hours before. 

Chan grips his hips, kissing back sweetly. “See you later, baby.”

Minho smiles softly and steals another kiss before rushing over to you. “Bye, kitten,” he smiles and quickly kisses you before racing off. The door slams shut behind him, and Chan turns to you. 

“Three, two, one,” he says, and the door gets ripped open again.

“Forgot my bag, sorry,” Minho shouts and is already gone again. 

Chan and you exchange a look before cracking up. “Fucks sake, he really doesn’t change,” Chan giggles and glances at the clock above the kitchen counter. “You need a ride?”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” you assure him, taking a bite of your toast and scribbling down a few notes. 

“I know,” he shrugs and tilts his head at you. “But I want to.”

“Okay,” you smile at him gently and grab your things. 

“You have everything?” he asks, checking the room as he grabs his keys.

“I think I do,” you nod agreeing, and follow him outside to his car. Chan starts the car as soon as you’re buckled up and starts driving. “Any plans for your day off?”

“Probably catching up on some sleep if my body lets me,” he chuckles and keeps his eyes on the road for now. “It’s been weeks since I got a reasonable amount of sleep. The last few days, I slept four hours tops.”

"Four hours isn't that bad for you," you think out loud. 

Chan clears his throat. "In total. Not every night." 

“But you’re okay so far?” you ask, eying him suspiciously. “No dizzy spells? No trouble breathing?”

Chan opens his mouth to assure you he’s fine but closes it again quickly. “I’m…it’s manageable up until now,” he evades your question. 

“Meaning?” you squint your eyes at him. 

“I get dizzy when I get up too quickly,” he confesses and scrunches up his face for a moment. “Also, I hate those damn stairs at the moment.”

“So you do have trouble breathing,” you sigh softly. “Does he know?”

“No, it started this morning, which is why I was up that early,” he shakes his head and checks his mirror before taking a turn left. “He has to host today, didn’t want him to worry.”

“Will you tell him after?” you ask patiently. 

“Not sure yet,” he says, laughing at your tired huff. “Minho worries too much already; he’ll try grounding me if I tell him. I can’t take a break right now with the new album coming up and everything.”

“As long as you don’t overdo it,” you sigh softly and turn to look at him. Only then do you notice the dark patches beneath his eyes, his pale skin, and how he’s controlling his breaths. “You look like shit, mate.”

“Finally, someone agrees,” he comments dryly and pulls into a parking spot in front of your university. 

“Channie!” you protest, making him giggle. “What I mean is you look like you need a break. Seriously, go home and try to sleep; don’t you dare do anything else.”

“I’ll try my best,” he promises. “I’ll come pick you up if I’m still awake.”

“Okay…but don’t you dare get up because of that,” you warn him, and he chuckles, shaking his head as you leave the car. “See ya.”

“See ya, hun,” he smirks and waves you off.

-

Chan doesn’t show up once you’re done a few hours later, and you’re glad because that means he must be sleeping. You stop at a store nearby to buy some sushi for dinner, knowing Chan’s and Minho’s preferences by now. Your phone lights up with a message from Minho, asking you how your day at uni has been. You smile softly, knowing Minho always made time to check in on you and Chan whenever he was busy. After typing a quick reply and sending a selfie with the sushi, you make your way back home. 

You quietly close the front door after you and slip out of your shoes before sneaking into the kitchen, desperate not to make too much noise. You stop in your tracks as you spot Chan at the end of the stairs, sitting there with his face buried in one hand, eyes closed, and one hand pressed against his chest. “Fucks sake,” you sigh softly and make your way over, crouching down in front of him. “Channie?” He replies with a pained, low hum, and you know what’s up. “Dizzy?” you ask, and he shakes his head very subtly. “Can you breathe okay?”

“Hurts,” he whispers strained, taking very short breaths. 

“Can you get up?” you ask calmly, gently rubbing his knee. 

“Dunno,” he admits, but he doesn’t think he can right now. 

“You’re cold?” you ask, noticing his hand shaking against his chest and the goosebumps on his arms as he’s only wearing a shirt. Chan hums, contorting his face in pain at the action. “Take my hand,” you say gently, and he does, hesitantly taking it off his chest. “One squeeze for yes, twice for no, okay?” you ask, and he squeezes one time. “Does anything else hurt besides breathing right now?” you ask, and he squeezes your hand twice. “Okay, that’s good…You want me to stay or leave you alone?” you ask gently.

“That’s two questions, hun,” he whispers with a weak smile, looking at you through lidded eyes for the first time since you’ve arrived.

“Sorry,” you chuckle. “Stay?” you ask, and he squeezes once with a smile. “Did you take a sleeping pill already?” Another squeeze. “How long ago?”

“Not sure,” he answers honestly. He has no idea since when he’s sitting here, too exhausted to move any step further. “Shortly after I got back,” he adds, a little drowsily. 

Your eyes widen. “Fucks sake, that’s three hours ago at least,” you burst out, and he chuckles before wincing in pain. That explains how long it takes him to process your questions.

He sinks forward, burying his face in your shoulder, and presses his hand back against his chest. “Ow,” he sniffles softly, eyes brimming with tears.

You soothingly run your hand through his hair and squeeze his other hand, that’s still in yours. “Shh, I got you…Can I leave you for a moment and get some things to make you more comfortable?” After a moment, Chan squeezes your hand and sits up again, contorting his face softly as he does. “I’ll be right back, I promise.” You race up the stairs and go into their room, grabbing a sweater of Minho and Chan’s fuzzy blanket and the pillow he keeps stealing from your room. You throw everything into a bag and pull the mattress off their bed with a grunt. “Fucking Chan, and you fucking overworking yourself,” you curse to yourself as you push it into the hallway. “Channie, can you, like, very shortly move away from the stairs?” you ask and watch him worriedly as he pushes himself up, gripping the railing of the stairs as he does. You push the mattress down the stairs and place it right at the end of them. “Okay, here we go,” you say and wrap your arm around Chan, helping him sit on the mattress for now. You grab Minho’s sweater and pull it over his head, giggling as his curls are covering his eyes now. 

"T'fuck are you doin'?" he asks, amused as you brush his hair back for him. "What is this?" he asks, gesturing at the mattress. 

"You said you can't move properly," you say. "The stairs aren't comfortable, you're cold, and you look like you could use some cuddles. I won't do that on the stairs." 

"But on a mattress in the middle of the hallway?" he asks, and you nod firmly. Chan cracks up, wincing almost immediately, and buries his face in your shoulder. "You're so stupidly adorable," he groans. "Also, that's Min's sweater." 

"That's on purpose, dumbass," you snort and feel him smile against your neck as he adjusts his head. "Okay, let's get you comfortable." 

Chan watches you as you unpack your bag, smiling tiredly as he spots his favorite blanket and your pillow. You know him too well sometimes. You get everything into place before kneeling down in front of him, gently placing your hand on his knees. He locks eyes with you and gets lost in them, memories of your shared childhood and never-ending friendship flooding his brain. "You…," he swallows softly at your questioning look. 

"Is the lack of air getting to you?" you ask gently as he doesn't continue and see a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. 

Chan chews on his lower lip and watches you intensely. "You look pretty today." 

"Oh," you breathe out, ears burning up. "Thank you." He smiles gently before lying down on his side and curling up a little, still breathing pained. You lie down next to him and soothingly rub his arm. "Still cold?" 

"A little," he nods, and only seconds later, he's covered by his blanket and in your warm embrace. He allows himself to relax in your arms, closing his eyes and trying to give his body a break. It still hurts, and his eyes brim with tears of frustration. "Y/N?" he asks, barely audible after a while. 

"Yeah?" you ask gently, running your hand through his hair. 

"Can you call Min?" he asks quietly, subconsciously playing with the hem of your sweater. 

"Want him to come home?" you ask, soothingly rubbing his back. 

"Mhm," Chan sniffs softly, cuddling up against you more. He doesn't know why, but he really wants you both there now. 

"Okay," you nod and fumble for your phone, calling Minho. He takes it on the third ring, and you chuckle to yourself. "Hey, Min," you say. 

"What's wrong?" Minho asks, and you bite back a laugh at him, sensing something is off. 

"Can you come home early?" you ask gently. 

Minho glances around the room and hums softly. "Not sure, why? Did something happen?" 

"Channie's not feeling well, don't worry, I'm with him," you tell him and glance down at Chan in your arms. 

"Fucks sake, I knew something was off," Minho groans, frustrated, and already gathers his things. "What did he do this time?" 

"He had trouble breathing when I came home…but it's better now, right?" you ask, and Chan hums in response. "Yeah, it's better now."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." 

-

Minho keeps his promise, and only fifteen minutes later, you can hear his keys at the door. He drops his stuff in the entrance and makes his way over quickly, stunned at the sight of you two. "What the fuck?" 

"He couldn't move, so I had to bring the bed to him," you shrug unbothered. 

Minho joins you on the mattress, lovingly brushing back Chan's hair. "Hey, love," he says softly. "Didn't get enough sleep lately?" 

"Not really," Chan says, muffled by the fabric of your sweater. 

Minho hums gently before getting comfortable next to him and spooning him. His hand slips between your bodies, soothingly rubbing Chan's chest. "Try and get some sleep, okay?" he asks softly. 

"Can you two keep talking?" he asks, knowing your voices would lull him in eventually. He feels safe between the two of you, surrounded by warmth. Minho's rubbing his chest, you're playing with his hair, and he slowly drifts off to the sound of your voices. 

Not much after Chan seems to be asleep Minho drifts off himself, cuddling up to Chan in the process. He's tired from his day at work and doesn't seem to mind that little break. You smile gently and reach out, fondling both of their hair before wanting to get up and give them some privacy. 

Chan's grip around you tightens as you do, and you stop in your tracks. "Stay," he mumbles sleepily, and you get comfortable again. 

Maybe he just really needed both of you right now. Was that a first step in the right direction? 

PART ONE | PART THREE

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist: (Please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

@mal-lunar-28 @malfoygalaxies @soullostinspaceandtime @brownieloved @rebecca-johnson-28 @euphoric-univers @hyunniebunni @silentreadersthings @cassidymb121 @liknws (@mumusreblogs @seukijeuxq)

[youcouldmakealife]

How did James realise he was in love with Holden? Not that we can't see it in his actions, but Holden I think is more vocal (in his thoughts at least) about what he loves about James?

He was already there before they got to Winnipeg.

Here's a few things in full disclosure.

None of them are outright, but, as you say, Holden's more vocal, who's used love or head over heels a few times already in his internal monologue, so we all knew it was coming sooner rather than later, since his internal monologue has a tendency to become an external monologue if he isn't careful (and that isn't a word I'd use to describe him, though it's a great one to describe James.)

And factually speaking, it hadn’t even been a few days. Hardly more than twenty-four hours since he’d last woken up beside Holden, and James was breathing him in like it’d been weeks since he’d last had a chance to touch him. Longer.

The way James frames this it's easy to miss that he is literally counting hours since he last got his Holden Chase fix.

Very important note for this and all the following: they are on a trip together. They can see each other. They have spoken. It's sometimes hard to remember, because they're both being such dramatic bitches this whole trip you'd think there was a continent between them and they couldn't even send letters.

After James could finally detach from him without feeling like he was about to hyperventilate,

The thought of not touching Holden putting James on the verge of a full-fledged panic attack was...perhaps a sign.

Created guidelines, James holding onto every part of Holden he could reach the entire time, like he was the blanket James dragged with him everywhere as a child.

James loved that blanket so much. Don't ever talk to him about it.

...finding Holden sitting among their teammates at the airport gate, eyes on his own phone. Exactly where he was five minutes ago, the last time James looked for him. It may have been less than five. Possibly closer to three.

He is now counting minutes.

But homesick or not, for the first time James can remember, he doesn’t want to lock the door behind him, mute his phone, turn away any visitors who arrive at his door. Doesn’t want to barricade himself in his home until he can stand being around people again. For once, James doesn’t want to be alone. It scares him a little. Would probably scare him more if Holden wasn’t clearly experiencing the same sort of emotions, though he doesn’t seem to be scared at all.

This is James Alexander Erickson for 'I'm totally in love with him good thing it's obvious as fuck it's mutual'. He knows.

Also, kind of too much/not easy to quote, but he wouldn't have told Mrs. Schneider there was someone in his life if he hadn't been in love at that point. The fact he was dreading dinner with the Schneiders so much was him knowing that he was going to have to be honest because lying about there not being someone would feel like a betrayal.

He doesn’t know what Finn knows, and he isn’t sure he wants to, but he does trust him. With everything, and Holden’s part of that now. A big one, he thinks.

Also this bit.

Everything but the words said at that point. He hadn't said the words to himself then, or at any point before Holden said them out loud, but as soon as Holden did he had a sort of... 'oh okay that makes sense me too'. reaction (after a slight delay. Because he processes things more slowly than most, especially verbally, and also he had, you know, been awake 30 seconds when Holden said it.)

Horrifying note to end this up: it has been less than a week, timeline wise, since that part occurred, because these two have had an...eventful few weeks.

(What a hilarious fucking treat it will be to do an LBTE of these two lunatics some day in the future.)

[pomefioredove]

Hi !! I love your writing! I think you've nailed the twst characters personalities really nicely <33

So if possible, I'd like to have some hcs Sebek, Ruggie, Jack, Jamil and Deuce would realize that they have a crush on the reader (in which the reader is basically their closest friend atp) and how'd they'd react to it. Would they be the type to shove it back down or get it over with? Something else entirely, maybe??

Hope this isn't too much. Thank you in advance! Take all the time you need!

hii first off thank you so much!! <3 and ofc ofc I LOVE pining (and friends to lovers?!)

pomefiore part

summary: how they would have a crush on you type of post: headcanons characters: deuce, jack, ruggie, jamil, sebek additional info: romantic, reader isn't specified to be yuu except in sebek's part because I found it funny, reader is gender neutral, deuce is a cutie patootie

𝐃𝐞𝐮𝐜𝐞 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐝𝐞

oh, he is in utter turmoil about this

on one hand: he really, really likes you

you're such a wonderful person

the kind of partner he'd be proud to introduce to his mom

on the other hand...

he really, really doesn't want to mess this up

you already have such a great thing going on as friends!

if he ruined that, he would literally never forgive himself

and Ace would make fun of him for it until the very end of time itself

so, of course he just sits on these feelings. maybe if he focuses on something else, they'll go away?

spoiler alert: they do not

they definitely do not

if anything, trying to ignore them just makes it worse for him; suddenly he's becoming an entirely different person around you

it's like a switch is flipped the second you're in the room

he becomes clumsy, easily flustered, can barely string a sentence together

Ace gives him hell about it, of course

and when there's no hope of hiding it any longer, he just confesses

(not that it wasn't obvious already... but for his sake, you'll have to pretend like it's shocking news)

𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐇𝐨𝐰𝐥

he's actually... pretty upfront about it?

once he's got his feelings on the matter sorted, anyway

...which takes him a few weeks

when he first recognizes his crush on you, he pours himself into his training

not as a distraction, really; he just finds it easier to think when he's working out

he really does want to think this one through

much like Deuce, Jack understands that he'd put the friendship at risk if he were to confess

unlike Deuce, however, he's somewhat aware that ignoring and hiding is a coward's way out, and will only push you away

so, once he's very sure about his feelings, he confesses

it's not exactly like a confession, though

more of a... lecture?

just informs you that he's developed feelings, doesn't want them to affect the friendship, and leaves the decision up to you

won't freak if you don't reciprocate, but... he might be a little bummed out

okay... more than a little

𝐑𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐞 𝐁𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐡𝐢

first thought: he doesn't have time for this

Ruggie has a job, school, and a whole neighborhood to feed back home

now a partner? no, that's completely out of the question

besides, it's not like you'd ever reciprocate. who'd wanna spend every date eating dandelion salad?

no one, that's who

of course he doesn't bother asking, but he assumes that goes without saying

but he's busy enough to put those feelings on the back burner and deal with them some other day

...if only he wasn't so distracted by thoughts of you, that plan might have worked!

by his third slip-up, Leona's had enough and demands he's gotta sort out whatever's bothering him if he ever wants to show his face there again

(he might've been in a bad mood)

but, unfortunately, Ruggie knows he's right

it's better to be rejected now than to spend the rest of his school days mulling over it

so, he just spills the beans, as plain and simple as possible

tries to walk away as soon as he's done so he doesn't have to see the look on your face

you can imagine his surprise when you pull him back

𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥 𝐕𝐢𝐩𝐞𝐫

actually has a pretty similar reaction to Ruggie

Jamil can't possibly fathom having a partner in a world where he doesn't even have his own freedom

in a sense, he just doesn't want to drag you into his life

in another, more important sense, he would be devastated if you rejected him

so he just... ignores it

of course, Jamil knows that pretending the feelings aren't there won't do much, but he doesn't really have a lot of options

he's not one to talk through his feelings, after all

not that anyone asks...

and his ability to interact with you as if nothing is different is astonishing

even if it feels like he's melting inside

though, you may catch him smiling more at you these days

he just can't help himself

when he's got his other stuff sorted, you'll be next on the agenda

𝐒𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐤 𝐙𝐢𝐠𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐭

you claim to have no magic, and yet you bewitch him into caring about you just as much as his liege?!

well... maybe not as much...

but close! very close!

even admitting that to himself feels like high treason

nonetheless, you have to be something very special to distract him from what he calls his "true purpose in life"

he sees you and feels... ill?

he's light-headed, he's dizzy, his stomach feels funny...

and he's been thinking about you more so than usual

yes, you're friends... he'll even admit he's grown quite fond of you in comparison to the other people you call "friends"

but this is... unusual

surely, you've placed some kind of curse on him!

Silver is the first to hear about it

poor boy is too tired to deal, and so he passes on the problem to Lilia

who just chuckles and makes a lot of odd references and metaphors that no one of this century would understand

no, Sebek has to come to the conclusion that he likes you all on his own

(like-likes you)

and after some pestering from Lilia, he admits that perhaps you and he could protect Malleus... together!

(he's going to have to work on the wording of that confession)

[ladytesla]

Cowboy Halsin

I saw @aerynwrites musing about how Halsin would be as a cowboy or rancher. I thought I'd throw in my two cents, since I live on a farm myself.

There's more to it than just seeing Halsin speaking softly to horses, as awesome a sight as that would be. There's more to living out in the country than horses, believe me. This kind of morphed into Country Halsin and not Cowboy Halsin, but I hope y'all like it anyway. Let's go through a day in the life, shall we?

Halsin would probably be up before dawn, kissing your cheek before getting out of bed as carefully as possible, trying not to wake you. You have your own goals to accomplish today, he wants to let you wake up on your own.

Besides, he loves the stillness just before the sun rises. The nocturnal creatures are seeking their nests and burrows, the diurnal ones have yet to wake. This solitary commune with nature is one of the highlights of his day, listening to the wind in the leaves, the crickets and the frogs. It is a very referent time of morning that seems to stretch for ages and at the same time end far too soon.

As he reaches the barn, the day officially begins. Animals need to be fed. Mostly they graze in the pasture, but some need special treatment. An old swaybacked mare needs a little something extra to keep her weight up. Maybe there's a colt who managed to hurt himself somehow, and the wound needs to be tended to. Maybe it's cold outside, so he throws out alfalfa with the hay. Alfalfa is also called 'hot hay' because it raises an animal's body temperature, which is a great trick for winter.

He speaks to the horses as he works, maybe fondly berating the colt for being so clumsy in his excitement, or encouraging the mare to eat everything he's set out for her, smoothing a large hand down her side and smiling to himself when he feels her ribs much more faintly than he used to. One of the horses who is usually waiting in the mornings isn't there... that's a bit odd. He'll turn up eventually. The chickens milling around outside have heard his voice and know The One Who Feeds Them has arrived, so they peek around and wander into the barn themselves, waiting very impatiently. The goats in another small paddock nearby are just as impatient. They start yelling and bleating as if they're starving to death and He Is A Cruel And Unjust Father And They Are Going To Scream.

He likes hearing the chickens chatter as he scatters out feed for them. They don't have anything of real importance to say, but they never stop talking. Mostly it's "Food! Food! Food! Bug? Food! Scratch. Peck. Scratch. Bug!" in a dozen warbling little voices. He brought a bag of veggie scraps from last night's dinner with him to throw to the goats, which stops them yelling. "I don't think the neighbors heard you yet," he would say dryly as he throws hay to them as well. Sometimes they headbutt each other for access to the best morsels, and while he wants to prevent this to keep anyone from getting injured, he knows it's in their nature. He keeps an eye on the smallest and oldest, however, making sure they get their fair share. The twin kids born last week toddle after their mother like baby ducks. It seems like she has enough milk for both of them, though he still has powdered formula and bottles from the last kidding season, just in case they're needed once more.

Now that everyone's been fed, it's time to walk the fences, looking for that missing horse in the process. A lesser known but very important job when it comes to country life. Any breaks could not only let animals out, but predators in. He'd keep an eye out for signs of predators nearby. He hasn't seen any today, but he heard coyotes crying out in the darkness the night before. By this time of morning, though, he has company. You've made your appearance, bleary-eyed and handing him an insulated cup of coffee. You're already on your second.

The fog from earlier hasn't been burned off completely by the sun yet. It's a quiet time for the two of you to walk the property lines together. Halsin is a bit concerned about that horse. He hasn't shown up yet. Soon, though, he sees a silhouette in the last bits of fog, and sighs with relief. The horse isn't lying down from illness, he's just... trapped. The two of you look at this big strong chestnut gelding, eyes rolling and sides heaving, barricaded in the corner of the pasture because... there's a rabbit in the way. A fat little gray-brown bunny, nibbling delicately at the grass without a care in the world. Truly a terrifying sight to behold.

"Arthur we've spoken about this," Halsin sighs as he walks closer to the horse. "Rabbits can't hurt you. They eat plants, and they're tiny. Look!"

Still, Arthur isn't convinced. Halsin soothes him, stroking his nose and smiling to himself at the absurdity of it.

"My heart," he glances to you, "please convince our visitor to release Arthur."

You smile as you shuffle closer to the rabbit, gently shooing it back through the fence. Now that Arthur is out of mortal peril, he happily walks off towards the barn.

"They're majestic creatures," Halsin admits, "but sometimes..." He shakes his head, then keeps walking the fence. "Come on, my love... we're only halfway."

~~~

A round bale is delivered around lunchtime. The thing is as tall as you and just as wide and weighs an ungodly amount. But it needs to go out into the pasture somehow. Moving a round bale is a two-person job. Your job is to hold the gate open and keep the curious horses at bay... and to watch as Halsin, sleeves rolled up and muscles bulging, easily rolls it into the paddock as though it weighs nothing. He barely has time to set the feeder ring around it before the horses are nosing greedily at the fresh hay.

"I wish I could help more," you say as you close the gate.

"You help plenty," he replies, wiping sweat from his forehead. "Besides..." There's a faint glint of mischief in his eyes. "I've flattered myself into thinking you like to watch."

You grin and say he's being ridiculous, but you both know the truth.

~~~

As active a man as he is, Halsin isn't content to spend the heat of the day indoors. There are still so many things to be done. Bird feeders to fill. Eggs to collect from the chickens. The vegetable garden to water and weed. Water troughs to top up. Finally, there's a little time to take a break. Sometimes you have other things on your schedule, but today you decide to join him. The two of you find a shady spot under a tree and settle in with a book, some whittling, perhaps a snack, and you let yourselves get lost in nature. The afternoon sounds are different from the early morning ones. There are no crickets or frogs, no reverent stillness. Now there are raucous little songbirds fighting over birdseed, the chatter of a squirrel, the crow of the rooster, maybe even the far-off braying of a neighbor's donkey a quarter mile away. The windchimes you hung from the back porch. And underneath it all, the wind humming in the trees. Halsin leans back against the rough bark of the tree, closes his eyes, and feels the undercurrent of life running through all things. You can't help but admire the sheer expression of peace and happiness on his face, and set your little diversions aside to lean your head on his shoulder. His arm instictively wraps around you to pull you closer against him, and you enjoy simply existing as part of nature for a while.

~~~

The sun is about to set, casting mile-long shadows and lighting up the fields like gold. It's nearing time to go inside and help make dinner. But first the old mare and the colt need to be tended to once more. Another helping of special feed for the mare, sequestering her in her stall so that she can eat in peace without a certain someone (whose name may or may not be Arthur} attempting to share. The colt's wound is healing nicely, and Halsin digs in his pocket for a cookie in exchange for the colt standing still enough to be treated. He tosses another cookie to Arthur who protests that he too needs special food because he is a special boy.

He comes inside to clean up and help with dinner. He'll need to go back out in an hour or so to let the mare out of her stall, but in the meantime he's happy to be in your company as you maneuver around each other in the kitchen. If you're cooking, it may be a bit difficult with those big arms around you from behind. The two of you have been busy all day, and now that you're done with your work, he has decided to make things a little difficult.

"Love, please, I need to get to the spice cabinet." "I can reach it just fine. Tell me what you need."

"Halsin, I can't work with you right behind me like this!" "I fail to see how this is a problem, my heart. I'm having a wonderful time."

Halsin is normally a mild-mannered type, but his sense of humor sneaks out in sly ways from time to time. At least he hasn't broken out the horrible puns yet. And you have to admit, it's nice to be able to feel his deep voice resonate against your back.

Halsin is ready to sleep when it's time for bed (as long as you are too, of course. He's always up for 'extracurricular activities' if the mood is right). "We did well today, my heart," he says quietly in the darkness, pulling you close. "Pleasant dreams." He can hear the faint sounds of frogs and crickets outside your window, and that coupled with your soft breathing is enough to lull him into a deep sleep.

Was it a long day full of hard work? Yes.

Would he trade away any of it? Never.