#i have a coworker that keeps flirting w me even though shes married

[tittytittygangbang]

Is anyone still alive on here. Who wants to hear the latest teas of my life

[awriterpretendingtowrite]

TFATWS Spoilers

Don't keep reading if you haven't seen up to the latest ep of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Ep 5).

First, I love Sam and Bucky’s dynamic, and I used to not ship them at all.

However, this frickin show. Wow, where to start.

First, the queerbaiting in Ep 2 with the couples therapy was blinding.

Then, they just keep fighting like an old married couple. If we kept the same shots, the same music, same tones of voice, but changed one of them to be female, this would be a romance.

Now for Ep 5:

First off, I LOVED that Sam is finally taking on the Captain America mantle and proving that he doesn’t need the serum to do it!!! Even after Isaiah Bradley shared his horrifying experiences, after it looked like Sam was giving up, he still decided to pick up the shield and train!

Speaking of the training scene... let’s talk about the queerbaiting. Whether it was intentional or not, there was a TON of queerbaiting in this episode. Here’s what I saw, but feel free to add on:

1. The way they fight together in the beginning isn’t their best work, at least in my opinion, but it’s still amazing, and it at least shows that they trust each other with their lives. That scene was more focused on Walker, but there was still that element of partnership that we used to see with Bucky and Steve, who were/are also heavily queer-coded. When Bucky saved Sam from Walker’s killing blow, it solidified that these two men matter a lot to each other and that they are partners, even if they don’t want to admit it.

2. Speaking of, their bickering is hilarious, but also undeniably old married couple behavior. It can also be seen as the classic romantic trope of “fake-fighting because neither of you have processed your feelings yet and you don’t want to ruin your friendship.” Most importantly, in between that bickering, they have real conversations, and although they can be stubborn with each other, it shows us that again, they really care about each other and that they are partners in fighting for their cause.

3. Skip to Sam being home, calling in favors, etc, fixing up his family’s boat. “How do we get it off the truck?” Cut to Bucky casually showing off to all of Sam’s friends with his strength and fixing the gas leak. AKA the romantic trope of showing off in front of your romantic interest and their friends.

4. Speaking of Bucky fixing the gas leak, they were way closer than they needed to be at first, and Bucky grabbing Sam’s arm, and the return of their old married couple bickering. I can’t, please, my little queer heart can’t take another major company using us for money.

5. Bucky continually showing his strength to Sam and being super helpful (also, the jeans/t-shirt combo? Deadly to my little bi heart).

6. “Well, Nicole, what about Sarah and Bucky?” That’s a valid point, truly. What about them? Honestly, I was looking for any romance between them to make sure I wasn’t just blindly ignoring it because I want the gay romance to happen so badly, but I saw nothing except Bucky going, “hEy. I’m Bucky.” And then they made it worse by having Sam say, “But don’t flirt with my sister.” Yes, that is a big brother thing to do, but again, if either of them were female, that’s a Jealous Crush move! There’s no denying it! “Don’t flirt with them” *internally* because you should flirt with ME.

7. Skip to Sam fixing the boat and Bucky knowing that he’d be down their fixing it and just helping him. Who was the only person Bucky ever just helped and took orders from like that? Steve. That was it. Again, queer-coded. (And more old couple bickering)

And finally...

8. The training scene. Oh gosh, the training scene. Their flawless chemistry. The way they trade off the shield. The way they remember each other’s struggles and the way Bucky tries to understand Sam’s struggles, even though he’s from a completely different era.  The way they are vulnerable with each other. The way they look at each other my stars.

9. Sam asking Bucky if he still has his nightmares and Bucky, without hesitation, replying, “All the time.” It parallels the therapy that wasn’t doing Bucky any good at the beginning, but if you watch Bucky’s body language, the look in his eyes, it’s clear that Sam’s words help him more than anything else as so far. The way that Sam knows when to be tough with Bucky and when to be a caring friend who just listens. The way he looks at Bucky.

10. Bucky risking asking the Wakandans for another favor to replace Sam’s wings, because even though Sam walked away, Bucky knew that he would want them back eventually. He knows who Sam really, just like Sam really knows who Bucky is. He is so open with Sam, even more than he was with Steve. Again, the way he looks at Sam. Like he’s some sort of heaven-sent person, like Sam is his lifeline to his sanity. If Bucky were female, that would be immediately recognizable as a pining look. I have given my best friend that look and I was crushing on her, hard. That is not a look straight men give each other.

11. And at the end of their training, when they part ways, just as a little cherry on top, their “bro handshake” lasted wayyyy too long (and the way they look at each other... again). The awkward way they’re trying to put a label on their relationship and Sam automatically correcting partners to coworkers. That may seem like a straight guy thing to do, but as a queer woman, when I was first figuring out that I liked girls, and specifically my best friend at the time, I avoided and corrected, at all costs, any implications that she and I could possibly be involved, even in the sense that someone called us partners for something totally unrelated to romantic intentions.

12. Skip to Sarah and Sam talking and Sarah saying, “Who knew you were so sensitive?” Well, that’s a classic falling in love trope. “You’ve changed, for the better,” or pointing out something specific that has changed because of their partner, is so commonly said to people in romance stories, and if. Sam or Bucky. Were female. This. Would. Be. A. Romance.

My queer siblings, my rabid hellers, my tired LGBT folks who are desperate for scraps of representation--

Don’t settle for scraps, because if we settle for scraps, it’s all we’ll ever get. It was a start, sure, but we cannot continue to let big companies think it’s okay to queerbait us in increasingly obvious ways and make money off of us frantically grasping at straws. Look at Supernatural. They had a gay confession to draw the queers back in the for last two episodes, then never acknowledged it. In fact, they insulted us by killing any and all even slightly queer-coded characters.

It’s time to join together and let our voices be heard. Our sexualities, our gender identities, our struggles, will not be made into something that companies use to make money. If Marvel pulls the same BS that the C*W did, queerbaiting and then discarding, we need to let them know that that is no longer acceptable. It’s not okay; it never has been.

In the meantime, enjoy TFATWS, ship whoever you want, and be aware of what is happening and what Disney and Marvel are doing. 

We won’t stand this mistreatment any longer, and when it comes down to it, we will make our voices heard.

[jelly-omelette]

Today I felt emotionally stable. I got a solid amount of work done even though I worked four out of eight hours. I had fun texting Jess. I want to call them hiro. I like flirting w them. Tho I would like to get to know them better. I don’t want to rush into anything and I wanna feel calm n comfortable around them. So far I am. I have yet to find out if we compliment eachother and if we will mesh. I think I just want to be myself around them and not worry too much abt labels or expectations. It’s good so far cuz I think we have common interests and shared hobbies like video games. So I def feel like we can bond as friends over that. And then maybe it’ll grow into something more or maybe it won’t. Kinda hard to know this early on. It’ll take time for me to feel comfortable opening myself up to them. I’m not gonna throw myself out there too soon and reveal all my cards. I’ll keep it reserved and wait for them to make some moves first. Seems p balanced so far. They said good morning to me n was initiating convo :3 so that made me happy. I’ve been doing a good job holding my infatuation back but also enjoying the rush of the moment. It made me said when hiro told me that they have neophobia, cuz I really like trying new things. And also I worry that their Coeliac disease might make sharing things more difficult since a lot of food has gluten. I like that they r pretty asian in terms of cleanliness and eating foods like natto and umeboshi. And they’re rly cute for sending me wiki articles of both those things haha. I was surprised to find out that hiro is 25 years old but I kinda glad bc I like more mature ppl. And I like how we talk in diff languages to eachother. I wonder what their friends r like. I hope they’re not all white cuz I’m scared of white ppl. I just don’t feel super comfortable around them bc they make me feel invalidated and so foreign. I think it’s cool they have a therapist cuz that’s something I’ve been thinking abt lately. Investing in mental and emotional health is always rly attractive. So are their hands hehe. It’s funny how we’re both kinda shy abt flirting w eachother. I’m not as forward as I usually am and I like that I don’t have to be to keep their attention :) and we also share a love and interest for art, which is something that is new to me that I’m really excited to experience. Cuz then we could paint stuff together and look at art museums together. But of course it all needs chemistry first. I wonder if we’ll have any physical chemistry when we meet in person. If it’ll be rly strong off the bat or be a slow buildup or maybe it won’t b there at all and we’ll feel super comfy w eachother. I wonder what our love languages will be. I feel like it’s easy to communicate love w other Asians even if they’re only half asian bc they understand both the American and asian perspectives. They thought I was 19 lol. Oh and we also both climb, that’s gonna b really really cool if we actually have good chemistry and friendship. They’re kinda shy and hard to talk to on phone tho. I hope that’ll change over time. I didn’t like how hiro called my island bald and was saying that I was leaving trash on her island >:( not nice. But other than that they seem kind and encouraging. Can’t believe I told her I’m attracted to the thought of their nice hands embracing me tenderly and they weren’t weirded out about it :D that means I can dial it down a notch which will definitely make me feel a little bit more stable and not afraid of being ghosted or it not being mutual. I’m curious abt their family dynamic and what it was like for them growing up w unmarried and mixed parents. I want to ask that but I’ll save it for later. I’m also curious about their pronouns and if they would feel dysphoric if I referred to them as my gf. BUT that can wait cuz I mean we’re not dating and I don’t wanna rush or scare them w the dtr talk. They seem pretty open tho so I feel pretty comfortable. They like olives also and actual legit lavender flavor. That’s attractive.

At first I had some traumatic flashbacks of jenna bc they reminded me of her. Strangely kinda similar. Jenna isn’t half asian, but she was adopted by white parents. Also her parents had an unconventional dynamic, the dad was a widow bc the mom took her life and the dad married a new person. Oh also hiro has tattoos and kinda dressed like her. But hiro seems more reserved and emo and I like that, and into video games. I rly rly like that :) and culture and art. I like I like. And rly studious. Me like hehe. And also gender queer. I also like hehe. And dorky n shy and playful. Def bonus attraction :D I p confident we’d get a long as friends. Def wanna solidify that first before doing anything beyond that. But ya I would definitely get in bed w them hehehe. They’re rly cute.

Anyway about my day I also practiced guitar for like two hours, played animal crossing w hiro, and hung out w EG friends. That was the highlight of my day. I rly miss em. We watched shrek and played some jack box. That was good. I had a lot of laughs. :) then I started questioning my feelings and the way that I love ray is related to the slogan from the half of it. “Not every love story is a romance”. Cuz I love that guy to death and at one point I had like mini moments where I’d really want to cuddle him or like be physical w him, but I think I just rly rly love how much he’s helped me grow as a person and supported me and allowed me to be honest w him about everything and anything. I really want to apply all the positivity and thoughtfulness I’ve learned from him to my everyday approach to life. I feel like I’ve gone from a really depressing person to someone who is still depressed but very excited and positive about life at the same time. And no longer had to desperately search for external validation or guess about whether or not I deserve love. I just don’t question it anymore who decides to give me love and who doesn’t. I feel very grateful for my friends and my financial situation, my own place and freedom and awesome coworker rex. I feel grateful that I’m still in touch with sean, kara, dixie, aish, my swe friends, Jon, and I get to have awesome conversations abt politics and feminism and funny memes w people everyday. Also my brother and my mom, eh for my dad. And also natalie and my brother who have been there since day 1. I can’t wait to explore what else is in store for me for the future and move on wo th my life. I’m excited to explore my relationship w hiro and see what I can offer and what they can offer. I hope they see value in my abilities to be emotionally sensitive, make delicious food, be methodical and logical and clean, and also have stability and boundaries and good articulate communication. I want to work on being less defensive and being more kind to myself. Not doubting when people show me affection and not questioning when ppl do nice things for me. My perspective on life and fervor to do the right thing. I want to finish my list of tv shows and movies and make some bomb ass paintings. Oh also the fact that I got closure w my ex and we’re on good terms now and they’re gonna hook me up w some film gigs :D I rly hope hiro isn’t the jealous type that gets insecure and makes assumptions abt my relationships w other ppl. I’m still scared from my relationship w bianca and paranoid abt doing the wrong thing and not having my boundaries respected. Not having my voice heard or believed. I want to see if it’s worth it to go all in first before I do. Bianca def dived in head first super super soon. Like our first date we kissed and she slept over. And I was pressured into doing it w her even when I hesitated. That was such a meh thing and sign I should’ve realized it. But my self esteem was so low I think I was unable to value my own feelings and be there for myself when I needed myself to stand up for my feelings. I hope that I can improve my social anxiety and be more kind to myself and respect myself more. I’m doing a p good job so far w that whole situation w my dad. Just keeping my distance so I can keep my sanity cuz I care about myself enough to not compromise myself for his shittiness. I love this time I get to reflect on myself. I really really love it. I feel so free. I can’t wait to talk to hiro tmrw