#i have a bit more 2 do and then i am done with her... hashtag blessed

[catacomas]

im winningggg im fucking winning !!!!!1!!!!!!!11!1!!!!!

[decepticon-nerd]

Transformers: Earthspark - Season 3

Personal thoughts and opinions. Spoilers, obviously

1: Breakdown

I am a bit confused by Breakdown’s character in the series overall.

When we are introduced to him, it isn’t as a loyal to the cause Decepticon, it’s as a friend of Bee’s who seems to want nothing other than the freedom to go racing when and wherever he pleases. However, in the last two seasons we see him betray Bee more than once. In the first episode of this latest season, Bee sneaks into the dome with Mo and Thrash specifically to get Breakdown out, and Breakdown turns on him in favor of the other cons. Repeatedly through the show he’s gone back and forth between loyalty to Bee and loyalty to the cons.

I’m willing to accept that perhaps I’m misunderstanding the character right now, but in my (current) personal opinion, he seems incredibly inconsistently written.

2. Tarantulas

There is still no sign of Tarantulas since his first introduction. I am unsure if the character was cut outright due to budget reasons, but I’m disappointed that he does not reappear. A friend of mine stated that he could be dead, but we see no evidence of this in the show. Furthermore, he does not board Prowl’s ship with the other cons to head back to Cybertron. That being said, if he is alive, he is still on Earth somewhere.

3. Fair Maestro

I'm kicking this man right in the balls. He's annoying and he needs to be arrested with multiple unlawful imprisonment charges.

4. Megatron

I don't really give a shit if people like Earthspark Megatron or not, and I don't really care if he could have done more to stop G.H.O.S.T. All I care about is the fact that this man calls Twitch "Little Bird" multiple times and I am just

He loves these children with all his spark and I am experiencing emotions over it

5. Prowl

First impressions: I want to punch his teeth out. In a way, he kind of reminds me of Knockout - he initially calls the humans 'pets' and refers to them as fleshies multiple times. Due to a misunderstanding, he also physically attacks Megatron.

As episodes progress, he verbally attacks Megatron as well, at last until Megatron saves his ass.

He's blunt, he's relatively rude, and he's rough around the edges, but overall I personally think he's written well, and the show does a good job of keeping him from being a copaganda character.

There's also his side profile which made me physically recoil

Sir you look like a beluga whale why is your forehead so big

6. Starscream

This motherfucker got himself stuck in a baby jail of his own making and when we finally get to hear him speak again he's fucking having tea with Spitfire's corpse propped up in a chair across a table from him. Then Jawbreaker bites him, Hashtag kills him, and Prowl arrests him

7. Terratronus

Now we're getting into one of the big things that bother me the most. There is a whole ass green alien dome in the middle of the city. There is a whole ass titan in the middle of the city. Why isn't getting the dome down and making sure there's no civilians stuck inside with cons and a chaos storm one of the Autobot's biggest priorities?

Follow up question, why are the civilians of Witwicky just going about their day to day like nothing has happened?

In this day and age, someone has likely posted video footage to social media. The government should be fully involved by now, yet the most we see is Schloder tailing a road raging Bumblebee after he's infected with the hate plague.

That aside, we do finally get to see Terratronus in all her glory. And also, apparently, the power of friendship can turn this titan into a Valkyrie that can put TF1 Sentinel Prime to shame.

8. The Maltos

I think this bugs me the most, and I didn't even notice until my friend pointed it out. I think they may have whitewashed Mo and Robbie a bit. Not cool, Hasbro

Other things of note:

Ew, human romance and secondhand embarrassment

Oh, Izzy is a quintesson spy. Interesting. What happened to the real girl, then?

The chaos terrans are not dead

Breakdown get your ass back here you left your son behind

Frenzy and Laserbeak are iconic. Love them

Hasbro stop being homophobic and give us a medic you had the perfect opportunity with a FUCKING DRIVE IN THEATER

[ojamayellow]

Earthspark spoilers. It's time for my opinions and theories.

Before I start, I am aware of the writers changing. I will put that into consideration in this. And for the record, I did enjoy Season 2 so far, but I admit it has nothing on S1 for now.

First two episodes were really good, I loved the Breakdad moments, I love Aftermath and we get a glimpse on how the Decepticons have been operating. 2nd episode with the Quintesson gave us some lore and suspense, and I always love a Mo and Thrash tag team. These episodes felt... right for Earthspark, but not as Season 2 starters? If that makes sense.

Hashtag's alt mode is neat, but I miss her chunkiness in robot mode. Made her feel more distinct you know? But I'm with the others saying VAL being an AI in Hashtag's mind is really weird considering what Mandroid did. Maybe she's coping? I have a theory that this VAL might be manipulated in a future episode to control Hashtag, but for the sake of Hashtag's well-being, I HOPE this doesn't happen. (Also, hi Shockwave).

Carnival episode. Is Schloder reduced to an incidental now? I hope not and that he becomes important as well. But also, I figure its a traveling carnival/circus, which makes sense to why we haven't seen this Fairemaestro before, and the little interaction with Swindle shows up 'oh yeah he's a bad guy' already. But you can't just tease a GIANT COSMOS-LOOKING RIDE AND THEN 'OH BTW ITS COSMOS' LAST FEW MINUTES. If Cosmos doesn't show up in later episodes I'll be so disappointed, like...it's freakin' Cosmos! <-Perfect design though. *chef kiss*

I do think the Robby crush on Izzy was cute, but it being involved with the plot felt....eh? It was like, nothingburger to me.

JBAM episode. I LOVED THEM. Jawbreaker has clearly gotten more comfortable with himself and such since Grimlock, but him not taking a hint from Aftermath (who was being direct) reminds me of my younger self. <-Was an insane chatterbox and would not shut up no matter what was said to me.

But the contaminated energon stuff like, yeah callback to that weird bear. Sorry if I forgot, but back in S1, was there a reason GHOST was just leaving it around? I don't remember. And what's with the horrific energon mushrooms, and those poor animals? I know people who are going to be turned off from this show just from that alone, but at least it's 'off screen'? But also Aftermath betraying Jawbreaker hurts, I was hoping he'd like, impress Breakdown with the stolen water BUT NOPE, NO MORE AFTERMATH AND BREAKDAD STUFF. (I know Aftermath was like, not 'what did you just call me' when he was called Son but, cmon!!)

Spitfire episode. I personally think this episode went hard. Gave me Sonic VS Metal Sonic vibes. The fight scenes were really done well, and the tension was so good! To me, Spitfire wanted to be superior but felt inferior when not chosen for the mission, so that desire to be the best consumed her. I'm personally a big fan of this episode, and Alex is awesome. And so was Spitfire, I'm kinda obsessed with her.

Bodyswap episode. Always love a good bodyswap scenario, but somehow this felt... weak. It's plausible for the others to believe Spitfire (as Twitch) had a scrambled processor from the previous episode BUT the fact Wheeljack was the first to catch on? Before a Malto? I'm SO GLAD they referred to Dad2 again but, IDK, feels... strange to me.

Trailer episode. Was kinda nothingburger again? It felt like they needed to add SOMETHING before the horrors of the final two episodes, but maybe I just need to re-watch it because I didn't feel much from it. Optimus was clearly getting aggravated and uncomfortable, which was making me uncomfortable. But also, OPLITA? COMPLICATED? If they don't ever bring this up again I might be a bit...bitter.

And finally, the Witwicky 2-Parter. My anxiety was through the roof here, but I also kinda figured it out early that a Titan was involved. Was still surprised though, and her design is awesome?! But what was making me panic more than anything was Hashtag was going to see Starscream. Yes I know, a one-episode bond may not mean much, but we all had hopes, yeah? Anyway, I love nasty bitch Starscream. It's what makes him Starscream. And I do think what he did was in-character. But it would feel off if Earthspark was someone's introduction to Starscream, you know? This specific one, who's attitude told the audience 'I hate Megatron he abused me so I'd be a better leader than him'. But also...

The scene with him killing the Chaos Terrans was a fucking horror movie. It does a lot when I am SCARED OF STARSCREAM. I wish he didn't do it, but he also needed the shards. If the Autobots/Maltos needed the shards from the Terrans, how would they do it? Would they hesitate to find a safer way to keep the Chaos Terrans alive? Or would there be some sort of urgency? It really makes me think, but Starscream wanted those shards ASAP, he does what he need to do to get what he wants, he's Starscream. A manipulative, traitorous bitch who almost never gets his way in the end.

But you might be wondering, "Kit did you feel like the character development was thrown away for Starscream?" Well, yes and no.

It's really upsetting how Starscream twisted his advice to Hashtag. Truly upsetting. But it also does feel like something a Starscream would do. I keep flip-flopping between "yeah this makes sense" and "um what the FUCK writers". See what I mean by "yes and no?" And Hashtag calling Starscream worse than Megatron AND Screamer taking it as a compliment? Again, very Starscream thing to do, but I think ES! Starscream should've been at least a bit offended?! And out of all bots to call him the worst... Why did it have to be Hashtag? I guess it has more 'meaning', but still...

My theory (or moreso, hopeful thinking) is that Starscream re-invented his advice to Hashtag so he could get detached from her. Starscream had a mission, a personal selfish goal, and he needed to take care of HIMSELF, no friendship. Only comrades willing to follow him, and the Maltos were not those comrades.

My other theory (which I gained from seeing someone on twitter saying this) is that the Chaos Terrans DIDN'T GREY OUT FROM DEATH. Therefore, there is a chance they can return. Maybe something from the Allspark or Matrix or some kinda macguffin will help?! And I sure hope they come back, because they could learn to be good (but still cheeky) and we can bring back the messages and theming from Season 1! Right, right?

As for 'Starscream the child killer'...look, it's upsetting I know. But like I said, selfish goals. And while I am not familiar with every Starscream from different canons, I've met enough versions. Other Starscreams have have committed war crimes, blew up a human hospital, threatened to kill innocents, committed war crimes, wanted to kill everyone to end a war, squished humans in his servos... (yes I know Skybound is more for an adult audience than kids but I'm just saying). War crimes. I am not excusing Starscream's actions here, but when he needs something, he'll do what it takes to get it, for his own selfish goals. It makes sense but I also feel its wrong and I agree with other fans who were quite upset with this scenario. If the Chaos Terrans don't come back I'll be really sad.

Again, I've considered the fact this show has new writers, which is unfortunate. I saw someone on here say that Season 2 (so far) feels like a bootlegged version of S1, which is how I feel about it. I did enjoy the episodes, but they were a bit messy. Also, the lack of Nightshade and honorary family member Bumblebee really made me sad. Was it a script decision, or could they not afford Danny Pudi enough because they used the money on the new cast like Flea? (Don't quote me on like, celebrity net worth here). The lack of Nightshade though is very suspicious though, considering how big of a deal it was for them to exist as a non-binary character.

Side note, Shockwave. I'm glad he finds Cybertron itself more important than creating a New Cybertron, it feels right for him to not care about Earth. But if he going to attempt to lead now? Or something?

If you read this, thanks! If you have any responses feel free to reply or reblog. Feel free to reblog in general, I love hearing opinions and such.

[suzdotranslation]

[Interview TL] 4Gamer’s Weekly VTuber Files #21 - Rikka

source

Name: Rikka Company: Holostars (1st generation) Streaming platform: YouTube SNS: X (Twitter) Hashtags: Live #りつすた / Fanart #りつあーと / Clips #ちょこりっか Character/Model designer: Fuyuomi Debut Date: October 20th, 2019 Birthday Date: April 15th Height: 179cm Introduction: A "high-tech" Holoroid. Because his memory capacity is limited to 2GB, he can be a bit of an airhead. His main charm was the gap between his soft talking voice and singing voice. Currently working hard to share his songs around the world.

10 QUESTIONS FOR VTUBERS

Q01. Tell us your main (streaming) content! I mainly focus my streaming content on anything music-related. Things like making my songs, I also do tons of acoustic singing streams. I've also done music-related events/projects, with the recent one being The "VTuber Singing King" which is also my biggest project yet!

Q02. What was the cue that kickstarted your streaming activity? As I am a Holoroid born of COVER corporation's technology, I've been born a streamer. I began my streaming career in order to understand more about humans. There are times when my listeners are often more knowledgeable so everyday has always been a learning day for me.

Q03. Please recommend us your “newcomer’s friendly” videos or stream archive! I recommend my 3rd year anniversary live, I think from there you would be able to discern what kind of activities I've been doing up until now. I'm using "Live" itself as the concept for the stream, so you'll be able to see how I was from the start up until now. It plays basically like a rewind so I think it'll be an easy watch for newcomers!

As for games-related, I have a high preference for death-trap games so I think game streams I've done like "Super Mario Maker 2" will be fun to watch. Having to be stuck in the same area for so many times may not be good for the brain, but all those feelings get replaced with a cheerful sense of accomplishment the moment I manage to pass it. The gap between my music-related and game-related content is something that could be fun to watch I think!

Q04. Tell us things that you like or something you’re good at! My specialty is playing the guitar, making songs, and playing death-trap games. As for the things I like, it'll be chocolate, sake, and cats.

Q05. Tell us a hobby or content that has piqued your interest lately! I'm currently hooked with "Street Fighter 6". Some of the Holostars members were also as addicted to the point we were already holding our own tournaments with each other. I always strive to finish any games I've started so I managed to get into Master rank now. I also like watching professional SF6 matches and learning from them. As for hobbies, I like searching for B-grade horror movies. But rather than a documentary I prefer one that includes a lot of short footage. My favorite type of story is the one that depicts humans as the real terror itself.

Q06. Is there any VTuber around that has caught your attention? Let us know! Shibuya Hal-kun and Machita Chima-san, if it's within the Hololive Production then it's definitely Hoshimachi Suisei-san. Hal-kun is known within the VTuber-sphere as the organizer of one of the biggest gaming events, so I'm looking forward to what he could come up with next! The first time I heard Machita Chima's voice, her singing skill is great but more than that she's highly expressive in her tones, she's such a wonderful singer and one I respected a lot! And lastly, Hoshimachi Suisei-san is a talent and my senior from the same company, however just like her name-- she really gives an impact like a comet herself through her activities, I wonder how far those glimmers could take her, her existence is one I'd like to continue to observe and admire.

Q07. What are other things you’re paying attention to other than VTubers? I've had the honor to work with voice actors before, so there are instances where I would watch their streams or catch up on their activities as a reference when I'm planning for a project/event. The ones I pay attention to the most are those I've collaborated with before like Eguchi Takuya-san, Okamoto Nobuhiko-san, and Ono Yuuki-san.

Q08. Is there a recent thing that left a deep impression on you, and is there anything else you’d like to try out? I thought doing a PR for music equipment, instruments, or even a soundproofed room might be quite interesting. And I'm always open when it comes to death-trap type games (lol), my favorite is souls-like games.

Q09. What sort of content you’d like to challenge yourself for now? I'd like to challenge myself with a solo live. It's my dream to perform solo on a stage with elaborate production and songs as my fans were hyping together with me. I would also like to perform for anime/drama theme songs, or even for commercials!

Q10. Tell us your message to the readers! I would be happy if this interview gets you to watch my stream. My music streams are generally more toward the calming type, while my gaming streams are more stoic and fun. It would brighten my day if you could check me out, regardless of your gender.

[smolwritingchick]

Ah ok! Update and Three Smol Previews for Bangtan Gal :)

Okay, good news, I am hoping to post the wrestling chapters tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest. It's almost done. Gonna let that be for a bit after I post and continue focusing on Bangtan Gal. A few chapters are boring imo but the later chapters have more drama.

Also, good news with Bangtan Gal, the second chapter I plan to post, MAMA Awards 2016 is done. I just need to reread and edit.

It's 18,000+ words. I...went overboard. I am so sorry. I don't know how to stop. I guess pace yourself?? I had a lot of ideas and it kept flowing. It's MAMA Award heavy and I was writing about people's reactions.

I have to split the MAMA Awards chapter into Part 1 (A big moment happens) and Part 2 (Jennie's response to Hyuna) because I can't fit all my words in one Tumblr post. (It's THAT bad lmfao this never happened to me before. I have a problem)

So I will link both parts of that chapter in the author's note and masterlist when it's uploaded. You'll also see the links at the end of the chapter to continue reading or to go back to read part 1 of that chapter.

All I need to do is work on is the chapter before. Which is The 3rd Muster chapter. It shouldn't take too long. Once that's done and edited, expect those two and a half chapters to be released together. Thanks for your patience! I hope the writing isn't too crazy with what I have planned.

I truly liked the ideas I came up with :)

Here's another smol preview for the MAMA Award chapter. Three Smol Scenes.

------

The day of the MAMA Awards was finally here. The day Jennie anticipated the most. She had a good feeling about this show and was excited to show off her hard work with what she had planned. The morning of the show, she decided to tweet one simple word along with an eyebrow raising hashtag.

'Bet. #GonBeAnInteresting24Hours #Jen' 

Jennie had been a trending topic on Naver and various K-Pop news outlets, which caused people to anticipate the MAMA Awards even more to see what might happen and if she may respond to Hyuna. Her silence on the matter had been a hot topic and now with her tweet going viral, fans stirred in a frenzy.

-------

With the show getting ready for the next segment, Jennie suddenly received a few packs of smarties from Jungkook.

"How'd you know I was about to ask?" she happily accepted them with surprise in her voice.

"I brought some with me just in case. I was paying attention to your facial expression. When you're about to ask for smarties or say that you wish you had them, you make this cute face. It's like you're pouting,"

"What? I was not pouting..." She turned away, feeling her face warm as he giggled.

"You just did it again,"

"Stop looking at me," she playfully pushed him away, making him laugh harder.

------

Suddenly, Hyuna had changed some of her lyrics, not looking Jennie's way as she danced.

Not a high and mighty girl scout in the club behind some fake bulletproof glass. How boring.

Some idols widened their eyes while others glanced over to where Jennie sat.

Yet another diss? This was getting out of control.

Bam Bam cringed and glanced at Jennie with worry, hoping she'd be all right. Hayoon frowned at the diss and shook her head slightly.

However, Jennie only smirked as she continued to watch, knowing that all eyes were on her to see how she'd react. Bangtan glanced at her and as she met their eyes, she gave them a nod. They nodded back and remained calm as they continued to watch the performance.

Suddenly a switch flipped in Jennie's demeanor as she rolled her neck and stared at Hyuna.

'This bitch got me fucked up...' she thought as she kept her cool.

Fans tweet:

'Not again!! Enough already!'

'Is she trying to provoke Jennie?'

'Don't be mad if Jennie catches her in an alley to stomp that ass!'

'The neck roll! I repeat! The neck roll! Jennie just did the neck roll! That is BAD! She got something planned! Get ready!'

'I don't like how she's acting. This is bullying at this point. Hyuna needs to chill,'

'Jen better than me because I would have ran on stage and popped her shit,'

'From the looks of it, Jennie is so bitter and jealous,'

'That smirk means business. I'm not ready,'

'I wish people would stop judging Jennie,'

'Jennie looks like she's plotting,'

'Why does she look so hot when she's upset?'

'Bangtan knows something that we don't because they don't look bothered at all,'

'Bangtan isn't even phased?! What is Jennie planning tonight?'

[oswednesday]

weds if you had to talk about your overall feelings about the SH2 remake So Far what would you say... I will ask again once you've watched the Whole Thing but I am curious what you're feeling Overall rn

where im at right now i think how slow it is, is interesting, i think a lot of the atmosphere of the original games people sort of bring with them cause its like nothing else out there, but theyre still traditionally paced video games in the sense a lot of movement and action is broken up by these moody cut scenes and alarming bosses/mini bosses with unclear purpose at the time of the encounter, strange --confrontational even puzzles but it is kiiiinda of a shootem up the silent hill team wanted to go deeper, into the world they were building doing more like mythos story work, slower stories more novel style approach but konami wanted them to make a RAIL SHOOTER silent hill 3 is what we got because the team was like please god we'll do anything else even a sequel, modern horror games more and more have been exploring what it means to Be a game About horror games where its stealth without it feeling like a stealth action game, games focused on climbing about and like interactions with the environment solely the "walking simulator" "quick time events"

in many ways this is suiting the approaching of the remake in others its detracting a lot i kinda loath the gamified way james is moved about the environment its so dull and formulaic i think i frankly would have preferred if they operated it on a full choice system instead of this like modern platforming basically, combined with how slow the game is but this incredibly slow approach i think is suiting the story, however it does feel like a strange choke hold of interactions like a needless amount of it, its giving the whole thing an empty feeling but not in a cool abandoned town way in like a youll see every fucking detail of the monster models we made these are the only ones youll see for three fucking hours, like you see one monster every now and again once, they get shown to you very dramatically and there are plenty of cool moments and i Know there will at least??? be nurses eventually but we've met eddie and like an iconic eddie scene is absent right? so and we've already cycled through maria's dialogs and while charming the first time having her comment every time you smash a window is like, this is the only exploring mechanic youve given us???? there isnt a james thoughtfully checks the doors to see if theyre open mechanic gfgfhf so thats rather trite, i like some of the remaking it does give it like i keep going !!! about like oh we've been here before, we dont even get to see the hole before its gone its already been gone, like i like it but it does also feel a bit like dog pissing on turf in some respects like we get it you're making A Different Game okay dfgfdgdf i think there are other ways you could have done that i think there's a cool like what would this scene look like if it happened just one moment after the one from the original? but then theres stuff thats just like if you wanted to show that this is some sort of meta thing you could have done this in a way that wasnt totally like heh hashtag bloober team sometimes ill be like wow, james walking speed is so slow, the game is like unconscionably long for a horror game from what ive heard but im also kind of into it? their refusal to use dynamic lighting and create shadows is very strange it kind of feels less like a team wanted to push the limits of what modern tech could in a horror game and more like what if we made a movie adaption of silent hill 2 but you can play it? theres something like that about the feel of it im hoping the eddie arc will start digging its claws into the plot soon i know there arent dogs in the original game but theyve taken liberties with eddie's plot beats already and it feels like a good opportunity to design some new monsters i think peoples logic behind why there arent any dogs is like Bad when some of angela's Monsters bleed into james psychosexual nightmareverse and theres fucking creeper beetles all over the goddamn place actually the voice acting and general character writing has been the most enjoyable part of the game, i caaannoot get over that pyramid head can nonlethally yet still damaging push you out of the way when james is positioned in a way that interrupts the cut scene like instead of just making sure james isnt in the way? its so freaking good like not even a shove or a monstrous attack its like, disrespectful gfgdfgd this is a better game than the hd collection release i cant wait to steal this from a gamestop or whatever some day

[escherstrange-ffxiv]

*cracks knuckles* You can thank @observeroflaplace for the number of stories highlighted, I'm just copying his style.

[Horizon] sets the stage for the future of these two charas. I've been mulling on & off whether to delete Yersinia because I don't have time to prog MSQ on her but at the same time she's the most refreshing character because I can take her anywhere and her carby can do the visit. At this point I still didn't know what her fate would be and Thilivern's voice is a challenge because it's different from my usual.

Stories begin when I read a prompt, double check the meaning, and sit through work (usually) waiting for the loudest voice. [Stamp] was the easiest and the funniest to write. Someday when I return to Japan I will make a hanko.

Every year there will be a story that gets a disproportionate amount of attention. 2023 was the [Isillud retrospective]. This year was [Halcyon] because...*checks notes*...I ran some sentences in Google Translate. It is a piece near and dear to me because it summarizes Escher's entire lore, RP and non-RP. Everything in there happened and I have the emotional scars and logs to show for it. You've come a long way, my incorrigible pink boy. Keep on burning. 🥂

I am always proudest of the shortest pieces because I spend an hour on it and poof, done! Back to tome grinding! [Sally] and [Shade] are my best cop-outs this year.

[Quarry] and [Morsel (Director's Cut)] are pieces that always sit at the back of my mind but never get around to writing because 1. I am lazy as hell and 2. I can only write under the anxiety of a looming deadline like XIV Write. I'm just glad I managed to finally show some more bits of Izzy's past and present. The original Morsel was rushed after a long-ass day and I was so tired I couldn't get around to the expanded version until a week later. There is one more Izzy-centric piece that I want to write before the end of the year, please look forward to it.

[Zip] showcases Ross and Cres at their best and silliest; no really, this is what our RP has become: High adventure with two extremely powerful summoners doing silly mundane things in between, and I love it.

[Two Heads are Better than One (Epilogue)] came before the actual story but I couldn't write it until I completed the other. The original piece was supposed to be one WHOLE story but my night call drained me; the empty draft was on my screen the whole day before finally writing it 3 hours before deadline. I always enjoy people's tags on my story, @housedeaubemarle 's literary analysis hashtags kept me going this year. I never expected a correlation between Escher's personality and his parents because they were created YEARS after him, but I guess things to have a way of connecting from how they want to be portrayed in my mind.

I always SAY I'll take a break but it never happens. The hype sweeps me away and next thing I'm just putting along writing yet another prompt when I can just...put it down and not. I never considered writing XIV fic because I had the mindset that fanfic should only have canon characters, MSQ NPCs. Maybe the opening movie WoL, but never my characters. XIV Write showed me that non-WoL OCs have a place in the story, that Escher is just as valid as Meteor Finalfantasy and his story is. Well. All this.

Here's to another year, fellow writers! See you in 2025.

I'd love to see a follow-up after the event is over of people sharing their favorite piece from the event. We just wrote for thirty days! What are we proudest of making?

YES, I love this idea! Now that the challenge's 24-hour deadlines are officially closed:

Writers, what were your proudest moments in FFxivWrite this year?

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. Am I just dumb or do the lo fans who insist we "see" how powerful Persephone is are actually lying? Because sure we'vr see big trees and once or twice seen "wild" vegetation, but have we ever actually SEEN her use her powers? and no the AOW doesn't count since that wasn't her actually doing it willingly (such a dumb retcon). IDK it seems like we've seen more instances of  Hades using their powers all the time yet we've never actually seen the supposed "chosen one" Persephone once use her own.

2. It's so frustrating how there's no reflection on Rachel nor the fandom's part for how Eros is depicted. When he's around Persephone he starts acting more "feminine" and even gets design-wise to look more "feminine" with his posing, eyelashes, beauty marks, and slimed down with more androgynous clothes, but as soon as he's with Psyche he's depicted as much taller, muscular, and in darker more "manly" outfits with chiseled features. I don't even think it's intentional, but it's very hmm induing.

3. At the begging of LO RS made it seem like Persephone didn’t have many friends or that her friends were kinda just spies for Demeter so she kept them at arms length, where we’d see that Artemis is suppose to be her first “real friend” and I guess Eros too? But no this whole time she had dead flower nymphs that didn’t get named almost 200 episodes in; and after mentioning said dead flower Nymphs Persephone wants to watch Hades’ first meeting with herself where she was naked/he was drunk so they can have a laugh. 

4. NGL I want RS to cover the Trojan War bc I want to see what absolutely stupid ideas she'd put into it but also I just know she'd make Helen hashtag Empowered™️ by wanting Paris and being complacent in the deaths of thousands and be weirdly anti Menelaus who is clearly the bad guy here but also she'd make sure Helen's "beauty" is in comparing her to Persephone because of course you can't have anyone be hotter than her. I can see it vividly and it's horrendous.

5. I mean idk making LO be 100 give or take episodes would have probably been for the better. Im not saying it couldnt be a bit longer than that, but she's basically restarted the whole story 200+ episodes in, so there's really no excuse to claim she HAD to have all these episodes when other popular webtoons got their stories done in a good way without such an excessive amount. IMHO A short but strong story is so much better than a dragged out, weak story like LO has turned into.

6. TBH I'm surprised LO hasn't done a "cancellation' plotline yet. I can see it now, Hades ranting the media is trying to ruin Persephone's reputation and trying to take away all her prospects and shaming her for the harmless crime of mass murder. Probably throw in some "it is misogyny to critique her" for good measure and with zero reflection as he's in his massive mansion as he gets rich off ongoing slave labor. I feel like just off her handling of Thanatos we'll get it eventually.

7. I was going to say why is there never any gay renderings of HxP only to remember than one MLM comic on Canvas that just rips off LO down exact plot points and the only major WLW version i've seen was a book so hyper violent towards Persephone (with female Hades?? loving to abuse her??) and hateful of Demeter it actually made me sick to my stomach. Anyway outlaw HxP retellings i've had ENOUGH 🗣

8. the fans claiming "rachel is giving persephone a CHOICE" which like for one, who says she has the authority? but even then she's still, you know, a fictional character, she doesnt have agency by the mere fact she's fiction, so at the very least it has to be written into her character to make choices within the narrative, but rachel doesnt even do that? stuff just HAPPENS to persephone and she doesnt react, she's just yanked along. rachel doesnt even write her to make choices, she just exists.

9. its funny rachel claims LO is some empowering feminist story when its like, even barring the clear fact its NOT, the "feminism" is basically the "more 👏🏽 female 👏🏽 CEOS 👏🏽"logic of not actually fixing old power structures and creating equality. the system doesnt need to change, it just needs to be more accessible, which doesnt actually fix anything. making persephone be another CEO doesnt make it suddenly feminist, she's just now profiting from an unfair system like the men already do.

10. People are calling Hades "Persephone's husband" 🤡 yes we all know how it will end but at this point he is merely a guy she knew for 3 weeks 10 years ago. Calling him husband is ridiculous.

[dongsichenged]

here’s a really comprehensive overview of how things shook down in the c-fandom by reddit user u/visible-following-50 (as of 11pm CDT 8/24/2021)

I wanna provide some C-ent perspective on this:

Overall all accusations concentrate in the period between August 2019 - February 2020

PART 1: Monday 23th 10-11pm The scandal first erupt on Twitter but reached Weibo around 10pm. There were instantly 10+ gossip accounts who were sharing the screenshots with no translation, fresh from Twitter. It took a bit for users on Douban to translate them and reshare them on Weibo. The gossip accounts definitely got tipped off, since they posted about it all at the same time.

Fans tried to look for proof the pictures, the screenshots, the audio and the timeline were fake. Apart from some small fans, most of his big fans asked Lumis to not share unverified debunks... they had previous experience sharing things too early only to find themselves ridiculed, so they pretty much just spend the whole night looking for harder proofs and keeping his trending topic on the entertainment list and not the main one. I am PERSONALLY quite confident, the company knew already what was going at that point. His trending topic never reached the main board... it was the #1 on the ent board for the whole night... people are guessing it was company’s doing...

As for the debunking proofs. I can confidently say, none of the proofs given and shared by small fans were solid proofs. That’s why his big accounts in China never started to share massively those posts. Twitter instead was more vocal in believing them.

1/ Pictures: the finger one is the fishiest one. It looks extremely not like his finger. But the three selfies, no fans managed to find where they come from. The only possible guess they come from leaked Kakaotalk. 2/ Audio: the fans found one part of the audio coming possibly from Bubble, but there’s a slight change in tone and the second part of the audio still is missing from Bubble. People use it as a debunking proof, but we can’t say for sure 3/ Timeline: the alleged nights they spent together did in fact coincide with the nights Lucas was in Seoul, just a very packed agenda. Like August 28th, he just landed in Incheon from Dubai at 5-6pm and supposedly spent the night with her right after. September 9th, he took a flight from Shanghai to Seoul, landed, spent the night with her, the day after directly took a flight to Dallas for SuperM concert. Technically all possible, also technically could be fabricated to match his schedule perfectly as second half of 2019 Lucas schedule was known to everybody due to SuperM and the amount of flights info. Beginning of December he was in China despite her claims. That is the only part we can be 100% it’s not true, since we have receipts of Lucas being in Beijing doing fanmeetings.

As for the gaslighting, asking for money and being rude to her, we have no proof whatsoever, since all the Wechat shared just show Lucas saying I love u and trying to meet up with her.

At this point, 99% of his fandom in China still believed in him and many spent the night not sleeping, to clear his searches, battle with antis and so on. His group mates akgaes also spent the night shitting on him.

PART 2: Tuesday 6pm The whole day went by with Lumis still clearing his searches, with anti inventing new rumors (they shared a dick pick of him quickly proven to be fake) which had Lumis and different members akgaes fight, but nothing big in comparison. After Jalapeño teaser dropped people were excited and we received also info Lucas and Ten have booked flights for China on Sept 10th. Then at 6pm a new girl came out, again, the news instantly shared by 10+ gossip accounts on Weibo, spreading the visibility.

The second girl is a Chinese girl claiming to have been contacted by him after a fansign (she provided receipts of her fansign participation) and supposedly met up in ShengYang. The girl had no pictures just a bunch of screenshots. She claimed they had sex with no protection and him lying saying he hasn’t had sex in a year and similar stuff.

Overall by this time, most of fans still didn’t believe her since she provided no pics and all the Wechat conversation were seen as not strong proofs (they can be easily photoshopped)

PART 3: Wednesday 8pm The third girl posted on her weibo account (with no personal info), the final blow. With pictures.

She supposedly got his contact by sending him a message via airdrop once she found him on Bluetooth during an offline event. They quickly added each other. They “dated” or more correctly they FWB for a period where she asked multiple times whether he was single, but supposedly the timing overlapped with the two previous girls, hence why the third girl decided to expose him, cause she felt cheated.

She accused him of cheating, badmouthing his members (they don’t work enough, one of them stole one of his fashion gig), not liking Keep Running (too much pressure from seniors).

Keep in mind none of the above accusations are found in her shared screenshots, as she said these are part of their conversation while drinking.

She provided 3 pictures: one of him sleeping (which many fans suspect to be a picture of him sleeping on WayV dorm due to matching sofa and Bella’s toy) and two pictures of him with drinks and sigarettes (the fishy part is that his hairstyle doesn’t look like his hairstyle in end of 2019. Edit: it could have been Moonwalk period hair.). While girl #1 selfies could have been Kakaotalk profile pics, these pictures look 1/ not photoshopped 2/ taken without him knowing.

At this point, Lucas big fan accounts broke down... this girl pictures were the final blow. While some fans still finds them fishy and claim it could have been staff selling their pics (which allegedly happened before between staff and sasaeng), after 24 hours of radio silence and continuous rumors, no sleep and constant fighting, his fancafe and his most high profile fans gave up and believed the accusations. Please note his solo stans only believe that he did sleep around, no mentions of badmouthing or his personality.

Lucas’ image among Chinese fans is definitely purer than what Ifans think of him. If Ifans think him being sexually active is nothing strange, for C-fans him sleeping and especially with fans, multiple at once, was too much to handle. Also many felt like at this point, regardless of whether he’s able to disprove the accusations, his image in China is ruined forever. SM not saying anything was too much to handle.

PART 4: Tuesday 10pm onwards.

With the fancafe leaving and many big fans leaving, the rest of Lumis saw this as a sign these big fans knew more than them, had some sort of proof from SM that the allegations were true. Rumors spread like fire among fandom and many fans quit due to fancafe quitting.

Fancafe quitting trended at #3 on Weibo main board, that single Weibo post had over half a million likes.

The rest of the night, Lucas trended with various hashtag, all on main board, between 3 to 15 in terms of positions. The same day a TV presenter was ousted for r*pe.

One of WayV most famous sasaeng shared on Weibo that Lucas does have an habit of flirting back when you send him something via airdrop. This sort of backed the possibility of the third girl story of how she met Lucas.

The rest of the night we still had some small rumors spreading of people saying that he does flirt with fans, he does look like a fuck boy, he was already a player before debut and so on. To be honest, I wouldn’t care about these since they all sound like people jumping on him.

Some WayV and almost all solo fans of the other members started to ask for his removal from the group. Many believe the accusations (since again, after 24 hours no solid debunking has been offered) while some others in any case think his career is done and his image will only tarnish the group.

As you can see, all of this play out very quickly. A bit over 24 hours and we are yet to see any response from SM.

Currently the remaining Chinese Lumis (a new fancafe opened to substitute the old one) are mostly just waiting for some confirmation or debunking from Lucas or the company itself. On Weibo they just basically gave up on digging for more proof themselves (apart form some small individual fans)

[writingpuddle]

Your hashtags make it seem like you’re very passionate about your recent reblog about one story having a trope being fine versus the entire trope being bad.. I’d like to hear more about your opinion behind it if you wouldn’t mind sharing!

thanks anon! i suppose all my exclamation points were a bit of a give away. i should clarify perhaps that what i am passionate is less that specific topic than the general notion of statistics.

(this got real long and a bit meandering, but i will not apologize, because i think its fascinating)

we as humans are...really bad at statistics. honestly, thats being kind. we are terrible at understanding statistics. you see a weather forecast which says 20% chance of rain, and while you know, logically, that means there is some chance of rain, your brain basically reinterprets this to: It Will Not Rain. 20% is the same as zero percent. if it rains, then the probability was actually 100%, and the forecast was wrong. but actually, it was 20%, and some random winds blew just right and your campfire got drizzled on.

statistical literacy is wildly important for understanding large societal trends and also wildly undertaught. (i am particularly salty that a few years after i graduated my province removed statistics from the high school math curriculum. i love math, i really do, but while i think theres value in people knowing about calculus and the ways we can use it, most people wont have to actually use it themselves. everyone can benefit from understanding how to read statistics better. in our current society, its almost a critical survival skill)

(i also want to add a caveat which is that while i love statistics, statistics are also incredibly easy to lie with. no, seriously. this is part of the statistical literacy i am talking about. if you like reading academic articles, i recommend this one, which discusses how if you analyze the data differently, you can often get large variations in results. if the pdf is not free for download, the unpaywall extension will grab it for you)

(relatedly, this is why i am of the opinion that you should be careful of any statistic that is presented in only one way. This Medication Doubles Your Risk of Blood Clot! (the risk went from 1 in ten million to 2 in ten million))

so, statistics are important. statistics reveal a lot about society. but we dont experience life as statistics, we experience life as a series of events (or anecdotes). large numbers are not something that we actually evolved to understand very well. we process the world through stories and examples, and we have to learn to think carefully about numbers.

(even watch: i am about to use an anecdote to centre this discussion. i use it to place my point somewhere, because thinking about it in abstract is difficult to do without practice. but it is also falling prey to exactly the fallacy that i am talking about)

i was discussing last summer an incident in which a Black athlete tested positive for marijuana and was given a temporary suspension. she claimed this was a racist ban, and a bunch of discourse ensued. (please note: i am not interested in discussing the validity of her specific claim, which is why im not linking to a specific incident. this could apply to any number of similar examples, and others have likely done more in depth analyses of the particular event. i am using it as a rhetorical device to discuss bias and how it manifests, and am not interested in debating about this one incident. pretend it is a fictional example, if you wish.)

with all those caveats out of the way, here is why this is a difficult claim to make: in isolation, there is very little substance to it. there was a rule, which a person broke, and they received the standard consequence for it. its hard to argue bias when the narrative is so linear. especially if we assume the situation has no deeper narrative (as we know, often stories like this contain more blatant bigotry, while only the softest version makes the headline.) there is little to support the idea that this was a racist decision. moderates might see this and, without more context, think that its a lot of fuss kicked up about nothing. because on its own, it is.

what makes this a racist incident isnt (necessarily) that it was a specific Black athlete that was hit with the suspension. its that there is a trend wherein Black athletes are more likely to be tested, and more likely to be punished rather than dealt a warning.

which returns me to my point, which is the statistics. literally nobody involved in this specific suspension had to be individually racist, or have racist motivations. hell, this individual suspension could be totally ideologically squeaky clean of racism. but on average, in the system, certain people are being hit harder than others, and that indicates racism in the system. but its hard to tease out that racism because every individual instance of it seems kinda wishy-washy. the trend is only obvious in aggregate, and we are, as ive said, very bad at understanding the abstract statistic, especially when we can look at an individual event and label it (we think) clearly.

we focus on the individual rather than the aggregate, which is a natural, and very human response. rather than address the racism in the system, the discussion becomes primarily about whether the people enforcing the ban are racist individuals.

(i emphasize primarily because this is still a good question to ask; you want to make sure there arent any explicit racists in the system! but it should not be the only question you ask, because there are systemic factors that could produce this bias without a single outright racist person involved)

a lot of systemic bias works under this kind of...plausible deniability schema. this athlete broke a known rule and faced consequences. how is that racism? that femme gay man keeps getting rejected from jobs, but there are lots of other qualified candidates, and its not like resumes can really be objectively classified as 'better' or 'worse.' some people will rank resumes differently. maybe the other candidates were just more qualified!

but when there is an average of femme gay men having trouble breaking into a profession, or of trans women struggling to find housing, or or or or...then it reveals something about the structure of the society that is happening in. the individual incident may or or may not be a manifestation of bias, but the totality is. it is even possible the hiring manager who has rejected all these applications is, themself, unaware that they are subconsciously judging these men as being less qualified based on their voice and bearing.

ie. it is possible to perpetuate bias without any conscious malice. and it is very frustrating to our brains, which like stories, when we cant find a clear villain and hero. when its just an evil hiring manager, the situation is comprehensible. when its a bunch of neutral parties that all have the same cultural framework influencing their decisions subtly in a negative direction, its harder to process. and also a lot harder to fix. being able to point to an Evil Hiring Manager is nice because we can boot that person, and the problem is fixed. it feels good to be able to fix a problem, and systemic factors are way harder to actually address.

which is also why its sometimes very hard to criticize things like media trends (yeah, we're looping back to that original post now, im getting there) because we are so much better at processing individual stories than statistics. the problem is often not a specific narrative--ie. a gay character dying in a story--but an overarching trend--ie. all gay characters in stories die. pick one single story out of this trend, and you learn nothing. it may be that in isolation, this story is moving and beautiful, that the death was narratively necessary, that it spoke to a lot of people. individually, the story could be a net good. and so when the trend is criticized, those who enjoyed the individual story, rather than have a more nuanced discussion about what the trend reveals about how our society treats queer people, and how we subconsciously think about queer narratives, people jump to defend the one story in isolation. the point of criticizing a trend is not (or should not be, or generally should not be) to say: This Story Can Never Be Told. it should be to ask: why is this the only story being told?

the question when looking at a trend, or a statistic, should be: what does this imply about what is going on under the surface. and well meaning people who are anti-bigotry can fall prey to whats under the surface. hell, people who are members of the groups in question can fall prey to whats under the surface. i'll give a fandom example (since i do fandom shit on this blog).

now most people who are in fandom would probably agree that trying to label one member of a queer couple the 'man' and one member the 'woman' is stupid. theyre both the same gender! thats the point!

but when you think of your favourite blorbos...you know, right? even if you vehemently disagree, even if you think that way of looking at relationships is stupid...you know. you know which one is on average treated within the fandom as taking each role. even by people who are vocal allies, or who are queer themselves. maybe your instinct is to push this knowledge away from you, to claim you only know it because other people are biased, but you do know it. you are aware of the general trend. we cant help it. we are part of this society, so we know about it, even if we dislike it. and even if we dislike it, we can still accidentally absorb it.

heres a metric i find interesting: when constructing an au of a queer couple based on a het story, which member of the queer couple gets the womans role, and which gets the mans?

even the most progressive het stories still, on some level, have absorbed the cultural context we live in. most stories, not being the Most progressive, will be saturated with many, many small gender stereotypes. it will influence what careers the characters have, what type of choices they make in the narrative, how they interact with the other characters, etc. its not always blatant, but its often an undercurrent (and sometimes it really is blatant).

one would expect, then, that with a queer couple, sometimes it will make sense to mold the het story one way, sometimes the other. but if i look at my own fics that are based on het couples...both of them i have the same character taking the mans role and the other the womans. and i know that falls in line with who fandom as an average treats as the 'woman' in the relationship and the 'man'.

now, two fics does not a significant dataset make, but i also have no evidence that had i not started to think about this trend, i would not have continued to accidentally follow it. and i would wager if you did a survey of all fics in a fandom, you would not find a vaguely 50/50 split, with half the time one character getting one role and half the other, but some kind of skew in the expected direction.

what does this mean? i would hope, in reading either of the fics ive just referenced, few people would walk out saying 'that was homophobic.' the stories themselves are almost irrelevant to the discussion. but it does serve as a probe. somewhere, in the bottom of my mind, whether i want it there or not, gender and sexuality stereotypes are still fermenting quietly. growing like long-lived weeds in places they were planted when i was so small i dont even remember it. tiny seeds planted daily by subtle interactions with the world. being aware of this makes me a little more able to prune back some of these weeds. to interrogate my own beliefs and counter them. and it came not out of a specific homophobic statement or act that i made, but a statistical trend that would be too subtle to notice in isolation. if i look at each story on its own, i can offer very good explanations for why i made the choices i did. but somehow i still managed to blindly find my way into a stereotypical cave.

i use myself as an example because i dont want to point fingers and say: These People are being bad. its not a valuable way to approach narrative analysis. if you are looking at broad media trends, the goal is to understand what societal beliefs and motivations might lead to that trend, even if that wasnt the specific motivation of an individual creator who happens to fall under the trend. every single creator may, individually, have a very good reason for the choices they made. but the fact that we all made the same choice tells us something. and maybe what it tells us is its time to explore some alternative choices.

no individual story needs to be at fault. but it is very hard to separate the statistics from the individual, because our brains are literally programmed to focus on the personal. a story does not have to be bad to be part of a trend. pieces of a trend can be good even if the trend itself is bad.

which is a very long winded way of saying that bias is statistical, and people are bad at statistics. when apes started to walk around and start talking, there was no evolutionary pressure into understanding exactly what a percentage means. it takes conscious effort to not take statistics personally. your favourite story doesnt need to be monstrous to spend time thinking about why a popular trope it happens to contain might be rooted in something you dont believe in.

i will leave you with one final bit of wisdom when it comes to statistics: be skeptical of any statement containing absolutes.

yes, even this one

[readymades2002]

ch 2 thoughts.....giggle

i think.....maybe this one goes over better for noelle enjoyers but i don’t really care about her </3 so sorry...there’s nothing objectively bad about her she is perfectly fine and nice and cool i just find that kind of panicky Useless Gay crush to be irritating in characters especially wuhluhwuh ones (and its usually wuhluhwuh ones. For Some Reason) and xmas themed shit is SOOOO.....BORING TO ME i think the main story of this game is just never gonna click for me. which is kind of a bummer! it seems like itll be interesting it is just not my thing. also delt of rune having a lot of like...xtian imagery in it is still so weird to me its not OBJECTIVELYYYYYYY bad but it is. um. i’m not interested ^_^

also berdley getting a storyline is the most baffling decision i’ve ever seen in my life. that is a burgerpants character! that is a character that makes you go wow this guy sucks but his expressions are really funny and i don’t have to see him that often so i can stand him. that is NOT a character that gets a hashtag gifted kid storyline fhdskjd what the fuck WAS that!!!!!!! i do think berdley bemoaning how stupid he feels and how he’s let everyone down in a room full of people who have been abandoned by everyone because they’re The Bad Kids is a good representation of that discourse but like. whyyyy did this happennnnn

the queen is the best character in all of fiction obviously. her final boss battle was kind of a pain in the ass and i’m really baffled by her like...whole Internet story i guess. i mean there are interesting things to say about the internet and The Algorithm and using it to try and escape your own misery and i think that that dovetails REALLY nicely with the actual characters!!! between the exploration of escapism and the evolution of the bosses as “sometimes you just need to kick someone’s ass, you can’t always talk it out”, it feels like we’re shaping things into a story about How To Deal With Being In The World That We Are In. maybe not a how-to, necessarily, but i think that that’s a really fascinating story for this one to be! i just think some of the representation of the internet stuff is, perhaps, maybe, a LITTLE bit corny. a little bit oddly done. i think the attack where she says “drama” and makes the whole feed angry is a bit eyerolly. maybe i am just wrong about that, though, i am wrong about things often. i don’t really find meta commentary on the internet or of social media very funny. i don’t laugh at the vague idea of “tumblr drama” either. its just not funny to me

storywise this chapter was kind of a letdown but the world itself is like CANDY to me i am SOOOOO OBSESSED with the aesthetic of the cyber world and the characters in it i love robots i love viruses i love old internet. hypnospace is my favorite game so naturally this is designed exactly to worm its way into my brain and keep me there. also the robots are named after a homestar runner bit. i love it. I Love It

actually jumping back to the best characters in all of fiction. kris and susie but especially kris for the moment. i think kris is a really compelling character and i think that if Certain Game Developers would stop playing off their possession shit as some creepypasta bullshit then we could go further with that! i mean at least this time its not like. the stupid fuckin ending chapter one had (i know it was a fakeout but it also took two? three? years for that to be revealed and i'm pretty cross about it). i think it was almost really good! if it hadn't included the red text part or toriel literally calling the cops which is like. WHY are there cops in deltarune there was no fuckin need for it. but if it hadn't done all that then i think it would've actually been an EXCELLENT portrayal of kris's Whole Deal. kris tearing the player's soul out and throwing themselves out the window to slash toriel's tires before coming back inside and washing their hands and resigning themselves to being posessed again is REALLY compelling!!! kris and the player both having no input during the entire "maybe this world IS better" sequence leaving their own reaction to it a mystery is great, and it makes them opening another fountain SO FUCKING GOOD because they have all the information and decide to go through with it anyway.

and the reasons they could have for it! maybe they agree with everyone else's initial reason for it, the idea that the dark world IS better, you can make friends and meet people that don't just constantly call you a freak and a weirdo. maybe they want the world to end! they're obviously really unhappy right now and being possessed is making it worse, and it seems like the best option for the world to be consumed by darkness. or to even just have another world to defeat. anything but this stupid world where their brother is gone and their mom hates their dad and won't talk about it at all and everyone hates them! maybe it's ralsei looking like asriel, the feeling that if they stay in the dark world, they can hang out with their brother again. they might not be themself most of the time, that boat ride with ralsei and ralsei going "i think it's good that you're so You, kris" while kris has literally no input at all and hasn't almost the entire time they've known each other with the possible exception of the astral projection bits, that was fucking AGONIZING, but they certainly seem to be getting something from their adventures! they seem to like susie! why not ralsei, too!

i think the fountain move was also clearly a measured response. they slashed toriel's tires and recollected themself before getting back to possession. its like...lashing out, very obviously. doing something violent for a bit to get those feelings in order. then opening the fountain after sitting with them. i just find that very interesting. kris is such like...they're so interesting. what a fucking character. i want to know more about them and unfortunately there is literally no way to do that that is good for them because the only way there is to interface with them is through taking their will away. god...

anyway overall feelings are i am kind of disappointed by the story stuff, but the character stuff for characters that i (buzz) enjoy is excellent and the world is, as always, so delightful that i will tolerate just about anything to stay in it for a few hours longer. which is kind of the opposite of what the story is trying to convey i’m pretty sure but! ah well

oh also the music kicks ass but you could’ve guessed that

[samsonet]

Champion Strategies, chapter 4

[read the entire fic here!]

The next morning Leon teaches his brother to shave. Hop gets a kick out of it, laughing at how silly they look with their faces covered in shaving cream. He shaves his lower legs, too, even though Leon tells him he doesn’t need to.

“I just wanna make sure I’m doing it right, that’s all.” He runs his hand on his shin. “Wow. It’s so smooth!”

His good mood seems to be strong, because he doesn’t complain a bit when Leon has to take a call about the Battle Tower. Al Rent’s rain team is having some trouble, and he wants to give them a vacation. He’s got a sandstorm-based team ready to substitute, if that’s alright.

“Of course. You should give all the teams a vacation; they deserve it. No need to worry about substitutes.” That is what the owners of other regions’ battle facilities would say, right? “Ah, I’m sorry, I just got a message.”

Al cheerfully thanks him and hangs up.

The message, it turns out, is not related to work. It’s from Raihan.

[Raihan:] How’s the little guy doing?

[Leon:] He’s good. Seemed moody yesterday but he’s fine today

[Raihan:] Glad 2 hear it. Im gonna be in wyndon today, can I come over at 3?

[Leon:] Sure

*

When Leon enters the living room, he finds Hop giggling over his phone.

“What are you looking at, buddy?”

Dutifully, Hop hands over his phone.

It’s a video of Gloria. She’s standing in front of a mirror, holding her Eevee in one hand and the phone in the other. She’s making silly faces, which Eevee copies as best as it can.

“Oh. This is her TikTok?” Of course Gloria would be making videos for it. She’s at that age where a lot of her peers are on the site; being there is a way of keeping up with kids her age even when champion duties keep her busy.

“Yup!”

Leon pulls up the app on his phone. He’d made his own account about a month ago, looked at some cute Yamper videos but hadn’t posted anything himself. Now is the perfect time to change that.

“Hey, can you teach me how to make a TikTok video?”

Hop looks up in surprise. “You have an account? What’s your username?”

“Leon-dot-Wyndon.” He would’ve chosen @ChampionLeon, @Leon1, @CharizardFan1, or even @LeonReyesOfficial, but somehow every one of those has already been taken.

A soft ping announces that @HopReyes189 has followed him.

“Okay, I can show you how to do a dance, and then I’ll record you on your phone and you can post it.”

The dance Hop teaches him is called the “Ribombee.” It has a lot of quick movements, and it takes a few tries for him to remember them all in order.

“Alright, now I’m gonna play the music, and you do the dance when I tell you to.”

The music is cheerful, with a nice beat and lyrics so fast they’re hard to make out. He likes it.

“Okay, now.”

The whole dance takes about twenty seconds. His professional training has taught him to smile and keep eye contact with the camera, but this is a rare non-battle instance where he actually likes what he’s doing.

Hop gives the signal to stop.

“How’d I do?”

“You need to do it again.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because nobody posts their first take of a meme,” Hop says, matter-of-factly. “You have to do it a few times and pick the best one.”

“I see, I see.”

They record four more takes of the Ribombee. Together they agree that the second take was the best. Hop shows him how to upload, what hashtags to put in the caption, and how to highlight it.

“A lot of people will probably follow you when they realize it’s really your account. It’s like Chattr but there are a lot of teenagers, so don’t feel too bad if they make fun of you. Later I can teach you about sea shanties.”

“Sounds good. Wait. You’ll teach me about what?”

*

At three, Raihan arrives. He’s got that cat’s-mouth expression Leon knows so well, and he’s holding something behind his back. Rotom floats beside him, camera aimed at Hop.

“What are you hiding?”

Raihan slaps his left hand to his chest, a movement of mock insult. “I’ll have you know that I am hiding nothing... well, okay, I do have some amazing news, but I was trying to build up to it. You know?”

“Oh, really.” He leads him to the couch in the living room, remains standing even as Raihan makes himself comfortable, quickly hiding the mysterious object in the pocket of his hoodie. “Let me guess. Some magazine wants us on the cover again?”

“Ah-ah-ah! This good news isn’t for either of us. It’s for your little bro.”

With one long motion, he pulls out the object. It’s a large envelope, printed with rust red and dark blue. Hammerlocke University colors.

Hop takes the envelope with wide eyes. He looks at the addresses, then tears it open and pulls out the papers.

“Is this…” A gasp. “I got accepted!”

“Accepted?”

Raihan says, “He applied to Hammerlocke. Hammerlocke asked me if the kid who applied was the same one who battled my gym. They were definitely impressed.”

Leon is still processing it. “You applied there? When? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“A-a few months ago. I was only going to tell you if I got in. I thought you didn’t like Hammerlocke University, you know, because of…”

Raihan and Leon glance at each other. They laugh.

“No, it’s a great school. Of course I’m worried about you being on your own, but… I know you’ll be fine. You survived the gym challenge, didn’t you?” He rubs his knuckles on the top of Hop’s head. “Good job, Hopscotch.”

Raihan leans back. “I won’t lie to you, being Leon’s brother didn’t hurt your chances. But Hammerlocke is putting you on their league team, meaning they think you’re good enough to represent them in front of the whole region.” He preens a little. “I was on their team during undergrad. You’ve got a lot to live up to, little champ!”

“Oh, please.” Leon grins. “When Hop gets there, everyone’ll be be calling him the best Hammerlocke ever had!”

He pats Hop on the back. His brother is grinning widely, face flushed from the excitement.

“And I’ve got another surprise for you.” Raihan goes back to the door, sticks his head out, and calls, “You two! We’re ready!”

In three seconds, Gloria and Sonia are in the flat. They’ve brought bags full of colorful items. Gloria has cupcakes. It looks like the three of them have planned it all out. Leon isn’t mad, though. This is the perfect situation for a small surprise party.

Hop greets his friend with an expression of pure joy on his face. It’s wonderful to watch. Leon stands with the other adults as the kids talk about what this means.

“How long have you been planning this?” he asks in a low voice.

“Raihan got the news yesterday morning. We came today because Gloria got some free time.” Sonia puts her hand on her cheek. Her fingernails have been painted rust red and dark blue. “We figured telling him here would make the whole thing more exciting.”

“Thank you, both of you. For today, but also for everything you’ve done for him. I… I’m so glad he has you two to look out for him.”

Raihan gives him the soft, friendly smile that he never shows online. “Hey. He’s got the best big brother in the world, too.”

*

The celebration lasts for a few hours, with the five of them talking and laughing. Eventually Gloria yawns, and Sonia takes the opportunity to say goodbye and take her home. Raihan follows with one last “congratulations” to Hop.

Then they are alone.

Leon looks at Hop, and his chest hurts from just how much he’s feeling. Joy, affection, pride, love — it’s overwhelming. His little brother is so smart. So talented. So amazing. He’s so lucky to have him.

Leon hugs his brother tight.

“I’m so proud of you. I love you so much.”

Hop hugs back. When he pulls away, he’s smiling.

[kirstinmaldonado]

CHAPTER EIGHT 2.0

>>Delayed post because birthday week had all the friend surprises and snuggles and I got a bit distracted but…still wanted to post<<

It’s my birthdayyyy week~! My biiiiiiirthday week!

The dreaded time has come? The anticipated event is here? Honestly 28 felt so far away for quite some time, I’m kinda in denial that one, it’s May already and two, I’m going to be 28 this Saturday!!

So far I’ve been filling the week with cuddles, some friends and family calls, and oooo another BESTIE PRODUCTIONS vid?!? We had planned on releasing earlier, but why the rush? Why take the joy out of creating for fun by setting deadlines that don’t really matter? 

Anyway, we hope you love it! It’s always important to unite and spread some relatable cheer especially in such a divisive climate! More on that coming…I don’t mean to do it but…soon. Lots of moving parts and our lives are picking up in different and amazing ways but we still hope to get it out!

Phew. No hashtags here! ;)

So many events happened over the last few days, good and bad! Some even that I am disappointed in, ashamed of, or at a loss for. But! This week is all about self-care! I’ll save the heavy for another time. ;)

Self-care, in its many facets, is so important! Self-care is making healthy food choices to nurture your body so it can be at optimal output. Self-care is strengthening and nourishing your mind by learning something new, doing a hobby you love, meditating, or just purely relaxing. It’s having the awareness to say no when you don’t want to do something or you know the adverse is better for you. Really, self-care is ALL ABOUT YOU!

Biggest of all, self-care is NOT selfish! Everyone needs to be self-aware and know when to take some personal time. Everyone decompresses in different ways. Sometimes that’s choosing an introverted quiet night as opposed to an extroverted one, or splurging on something to make you feel special, or baking way too many cupcakes and eating also way too many (if you’re me, ha)!!

With all the rushing around and intensity we’ve trained our minds and bodies to endure, with all the added stress of not even wanting, but NEEDING to succeed and flourish, that self-care dwindles. Sometimes it feels like you have to put YOU aside because everything else is so overwhelming!

I remember in the past thinking that skin-care took such a loooong time and felt not worth it. My skin (thank you, Mother) was pretty damn flawless for how (wrongly) I’d been taking care of it, so why bother?

That was before I met my sweet Klara!! And while my skin wasn’t in desperate emergency levels of fixing, she reminded me that pre-meditative care is crucial and so is slowing down and taking the time for myself! 

Klara and I met years ago when I was in NYC looking for a lash lift. Pentatonix had just started taking off and just recently Klara had opened her own med-spa in the city. We bonded instantly and have been friends ever since!! 

Meanwhile, if you live in NYC and want the best lash lift ever, ya gotta go to Klara, HANDS DOWN! 

Every time Pentatonix would be in NYC, I would go visit her. Even if I didn’t need anything done or didn’t have the time, I would stop in and say hello because that is the type of beautiful energy she is! And slowly, we began growing together!

I love my friendship with her because not only did she love on my eyelashes, skin, face, etc and teach me how to do the same at home, but she’s been there through the last six or so years of my life! I have transformed into a much more self-aware, happier, and self-comfortable person and I treasure her sincerity, compassion, and late night chats so so much!!

Although I don’t get to see Klara all the time as she is based in NYC, I always have other forms of self-care in a similar vein. As we all know, Covid has shut down pretty much all forms of outside self-care treatments, although someone should tell the people in charge that self-care is essential, eh?!

I kid. Jokes aside, I miss relaxing my body and mind to a caregiver. I miss getting my hair done, getting a mani-pedi, tanning, and getting a massage! I miss that “treat yo self” feeling, and drinking champagne while doing them all, ha!

So, for my birthday week, I wanted to share with you a fun DIY self-care facial curated by Klara herself! My chin has been OUT OF CONTROL and colonizing a little zit farm, so freshening up before my big day (inside lol) felt perfect!!

Since she initially sent me this, she has curated a NEW personalized facial package that she will guide you through on Zoom, but regardless she is an angel for all your skin questions and needs!

>>By the way now that this is posted a week later…my skin has NO JOKE been FLAWLESS! Klara is still a queen for the win but also loving on your face and listening to what it needs also FTW<<

So here I am au natural, pre-peel!! 

ONE. PREPARE YOUR STATION! PUT NICE MUSIC ON, A CANDLE, WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO PROMOTE A RELAXING VIBE! HAVE A CLEAN COUNTER WHERE YOU CAN PLACE THE DENTAL BIB AND LAY EVERYTHING OUT! 

TWO. WASH YOUR HANDS! ;) 

THREE. USE JAR #1 WITH FIRST CLEANSER, ADD WATER, FOAM, BE PRECISE AROUND JAW AND EARS ETC, RINSE, PAT DRY.

FOUR. REPEAT THE SAME WITH JAR WITH CLEANSER #2 (THE CREAM, IT WILL NOT FOAM) RINSE AND DRY

>>Already my face is feeling much softer!<<

FIVE. POUR THE MINI CHEMICAL PEEL (VIAL #3) ONTO COTTON PAD, WIPE WHOLE FACE GENTLY! I EXPERIENCED THE TINGLING AND EEE YES MY FACE GOT RED, BUT NOTHING MAJOR! LEAVE ON FOR 3/5 MIN!

SIX. USE JAR #4 (GLYCOLIC CLEANSER), RINSE AND DRY.

SEVEN. THEN APPLY SERUMS (JUST FEW DROPS) ALL OVER THE FACE

EIGHT. MASQUE FOR 10 MIN. 

NINE. MOISTURIZE!

HAPPY GIRL! I felt AMAZING, y’all!!

You can check out Klara’s ZOOM FACIAL PACKAGE here and on social media outlets! And I am NOT kidding, my skin was SO SOFT!!! I felt less bumpy, less exposed! And it’s stayed like that too! 

This little self-love moment put me in the perfect headspace for a birthday weekend, especially when that weekend was not according to plan! Life is about continuously adapting, taking what you have in front of you, and trying to make the best of the situations you are presented! You can only control so much! So why not focus on positivity?

I was so thankful for this little pick me up that made me feel good about being in my skin, something I’ve struggled on and off with the entire rest of quarantine! But overall I am SO thankful for how special my friends, my boyfriend, my family, YOU GUYS all made me feel! I didn’t feel devoid of any of your love and care. And thank you so much for that!!!

28 has started out so special in some (feeling) unspecial circumstances. I will always rise and fall and even have so far in these mere hours of 28! But I am so happy for your support. Just remember to always support yourself too! 

So on that note, I hope you find time before the month is done for some EXTRA self-care!!!

And happy 3 years to Break a Little <3

Love you all!

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 9 - Housewives living in Yamagata prefecture referred to prosecutors for insulting Kawasaki Nozomi.

K: Hi, This is Dir en grey's Kaoru, getting started with another episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san,Tasai san, welcome.

J, T: Pleased to be here.

K: Ok, so today's theme, Joe?

J: Yes, lets take a look at this news. 'Insult to Kawasaki Nozomi. "She gives me the creeps". Housewives in Yamagata prefecture referred to prosecutors....

A 39 year old woman from Yamagata and a 45 year old female medical worker from Osaka are being referred to Tokyo area prosecutors by Harajuku police station. According to staff at Harajuku police station, the pair are suspected of exchanging insults like "She gives me the creeps" about Kawasaki on an online public parenting platform between the 8th and 9th of April. They both admit to the charge.'

Just from reading this, being referred to prosecutors for saying 'she gives me the creeps' is a bit..

T: Well, yeh, but if you look in more detail, over three years they actually wrote on this parenting forum stuff like, 'She should miscarry' or ' 'she's creepy', also 'she's insolent', 'lets set fire to her house', *1, quite extreme things.

J: So we don't actually know thier reason for writing this stuff do we?

T: They wanted to send a message to Kawasaki Nozomi's husband's blog, but they were blocked, or unable to do so for some reason, im not sure. This made them angry and they directed thier rage towards his wife.

J: They probably shouldn't target his wife, and getting that upset because they couldn't send a message..I don't really know.

K: Its not very clever, right?

J: Yeah, its really not.

T: Also, 'defamation', I havn't heard this in a while.

J: Yeh, well Kawasaki san probably felt some damage to her honour, and in reality, if they come near her house, its coming close to interference in her business. The police probably thought this kind of 'defamation' was grounds for referrering the case to prosecutors. Another possibility is that  Kawasaki san hired a lawyer, who may have said they same thing....So, this happened on an online forum? I think we talked about this happening with someone else before, but how far can slandering be forgiven? I mean, in this case its being reffered to prosecutors, so, well, when does it become a crime? I think this is a really difficult point. This kind of thing hasn't been made clear in detail, but it may have similar requisites as harassment. But like, how far do you have to go for it to be sexual harassment?, how far to..???*2. This type of thing isn't specified in criminal law. I think this is a problem that will have different interpretations, that will change depending on the information. So, Kaoru, as an artist with your name and face in the public eye, you must get lots of supportive messages. But at the same time, you probably also get some not so supportive messages. How far can you tolerate those? Of course, even one nasty thing can hurt, but what what would you consider worth talking to the police about, for example?

K: Well, I havn't had anything as bad as this, but...???*3 seems creepy to me.

J, T: For sure 

J: And in this case, Kawasaki san hasn't even done anything! She's just in the wrong place. Right from the start its like, 'Why me?!'

K: Yeh, cause she's pregnant isn't she?..with that..its scary isn't it?

J, T: It is.

T: So, Kawasaki san is a former AKB 48 member, and after she quit, she started up her own company and was quite successful, she's been categorized as a winner, there might be people who are jealous of her. But to this extent..?

K: Well, they wrote it thinking that they wouldn't be exposed, didn't they?

T: Do people get exposed?

K, J: They do.

J: But why would they intentionally write this on a public forum? Wouldn't you normally spout your jealousy at a bar or something, after a few drinks?

K: But this is the same as that.

J: They simply write it?

K: I think so.

J: Like a kind of public execution?

K: No, I don't think they are thinking that much about it.

T: I think people need to be more aware of how scary SNS can be.

K: People are writing stuff with no thought, so i also think its ok to ignore it really. Its a person writing wierd stuff off the cuff, its all over...I mean, recently.???? There are tonnes of people writing stuff without thinking. And then people see all these comments just like that...writing just like that, and seeing just like that. Strangely, you need to be able to ...???, and you need to be able to brush it off . You'll still always encounter SNS or online info, thats how I feel about it *4.

J: I see.

T: There have been sucides in Korea, famous people have committed suicide, because they got affected by what people wrote online. So it happens in other countries too.

K: Well, it does affect you, the first time you see it.

J: Well, yes. When I do radio I get called all kinds of names *the others laugh*, recently, ive gotten, '????', to one of my shows. And these people get carried away, right, so it just increases more. They just come out with insult after insult*5, like 'are you still at it?!' ...well, i think, at least they are listening, so im kind of thankful.

K: Yeah, yeah.

J: Like, im just always talking, it could be kinda annoying, so if theres someone out there listening, im grateful. *T laughing*

T: Doesn't it bother you, Joe?

J: Not usually, no. But sometimes they hit in a sensitive spot, right? *K, T laugh*

J: It shouldn't be a big deal ...but....right? Some people will even cry on the train home. Even though it hasn't been a big deal until now, some people will cry about it. Especially if im also having a tough time with work or personal life, it stings.

K: Well, you are only human.

J: Right.

Kami: It happens to me too.

J: Oh, Kami's here.

Kami: Yeah, that happens to me.

T: You're not bothered by that though are you?

J: Yeah, you're a god.

Kami: Well, they say im no big deal, unreliable, or useless or something like that, loads of things are said about me...'you cheater ' and such.

T: *laughs*

J: You cheater?

K: Cheater..? What did he do?

J: Yeah!

K: No, I havn't done anything! I havn't done anything. Maybe its because, they'll give thier shrine donation but I don't do anything in return.

J: Oh, that more like a case of money trasfer fraud in the end?

Kami: Well, yeah.

T: Are you doing well at your part time job   Kami?

Kami: Yeah, im doing well.

J: Are you?

Kami: Yeah, I am, i am.

T: A pseudo account...

K: He's writing on one, right?

Kami: No, if stuff happens to my displeasure, I'll give out bad luck..as a fortune.

K: Did you say, 'I'll give out..' *laughs*

J: Kami, you're scary.

T: He is.

Kami: The people who insult me will go home with bad luck.

J: But there must be people all over the world saying stuff about you..

Kami: Yes, yes, yes.

J: It must be tough to search online for yourself?

Kami: Yes, that is tough.

J: Right?

K: He said once before that he searches for himself online, didn't he?

J: He did..I wonder how many hits you get per day with the god hashtag?

Kami: There are people saying this god is good, or that god is good, or there is only one god, or stuff like that. I don't even know which one they mean.

K: But aren't there many gods, but one in charge, right?

Kami: Who's in charge..im not sure.

*everyone laughs*

J: He doesn't even know?! Maybe you're a cheater because you're not even real?!

Kami: Some people say that about me.

J: Ok, prove to us now that you're real. At least, show us something that you've achieved. If not...if i mention it now, we've never seen you in person since the start, you just came down from the sky, and we just thought you were a god.

K: He just came all of a sudden, right?

J: Right! We've don't even have any proof that you're a god. We've had no choice but to believe you.

Kami: I'll refer it to prosecutors.

J: Eh? What do you mean?

T: Scary!

Kami: As defamation.

*laughing*

J: Oh, if we say stuff about you?

Kami: Yes, yes, its defamation. Bad luck for Joe.

J: Eh? Really? ...by the way, how for would you tolerate people badmouthing you, Kami?

Kami: Badmouthing?

J: Are there any insults where you think, 'This is really awful!'?

Kami: No, the things that are said about me are, im no big deal, that im unreliable, not in existence, or useless. That type of thing..'he's a cheater' and such. 

J: I see.

T: Now that you mention it, thats sometimes said about Tokyo Sports too.

J: Yeahh

T: 'Go under'.

Kami: Yeh, its like Tokyo Sports.

J: Do people really say that to you? But you said before, right? Apart from the date, everthing is false. *everyone laughing*. Thats amazing, you can sell papers and make money like that? Is Tokyo Sports originally just like fake news?

T: Well, people all over the world like a good story don't they?

J: I see. Well, it excells in the field of sports newspapers. Tokyo Sports has tonnes of fans, doesn't it?

T: Yeah

K: Tokyo Sports is like, the different one.

J: Yes, its different.

T: Well, im grateful..

J: Really!

T: On the other hand, we aren't respected. The level of respect we get is really low. *the others laugh* But I want to keep eating, so I'll recommend it.

J: Ah, ok. Are you hiring..at Tokyo Sports?

T: No, not really.

J: You're not?

Kami: A normal newspaper puts articles out, right?

T: Yeah.

Kami: But Tokyo Sports is creative.

J: Ahh, yes. They are stories, right?

Kami: Very much like a god.

J: Tokyo Sports like a god?!

T: Will you come and work for us, Kami?..hourly rate 25% bonus.

J: Ohh, 1250yen!

K: What will you make him do?!

Kami: Hmm, hmmm.

T: He could start with cleaning the toilets.

Kami: A night shift would be more money. *laughs*

J: Kami, how about cleaning Tokyo Sports' toilets?

Kami: It would be an outrageous guy who makes a god clean the toilets.

J: No, that would be the real Toilet God*6.

K: ?!...You were aiming with that!

J: Err, yeh...kinda.

*everyone laughing*

K: It seemed on purpose

J: No, no, it just came to me. I thought it would be too good.

T: You sounded serious.

J:I've been exposed...I took a deep breath before I said it. My shoulders moved.

K: His face looks so camp now....Ok, well, lets finish up here. Err, everyone, please subscribe  to this...show?

J: This channel.

K: Please subscribe to this channel..See you next time.

*1 Im not massively good at Japanese slurs.

*2,3 Couldn't catch these bits.

*4 He spoke so fast it all kind blurred onto one, difficult to understand.

*5 He's running off a list of slurs which his listener sent to him. Im not advanced enough in Japanese slurring to grasp each individual one.

*6 There is a toilet god in Japanese folklore, have a google :)

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Fifteen

Submitted by jwrites_

Five Favourite Fics:

1. What's It Gonna Be by @lemonoclefox

Why I love this fic: I'm a sucker for Pride & Prejudice. San was able to take that dynamic and put it all in a modern day telling of it. I can't count how many times I've read this. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I go and find my favorite parts just to get that rush of emotions it never fails to give. The enemies to lovers is done perfectly, the dialogue is great and flows seamlessly, the way she tied in the storyline between Simon, Isabelle, Valentine, and Alec together was genius. I truly love every word of this story.

Favorite scene: Awkward - love - confession - in -  the -  rain

Favorite quote(s):

(Yes. Love confessions are great but have you ever overheard someone say something rude about you and then have the opportunity later that same night to be able to casually call that person out for their comment?)

"Her friend is..." He trails off, as though searching for the word, and Magnus can imagine him gesturing in the meantime. "Interesting," Jace eventually settles on, pointedly.

"Who, that Bane guy?" Alec says, and as he does, Magnus is hit with a wave of intrigued surprise. Does Alec like men? Interesting. The assumption could be wrong, of course, but Jace's tone implies that that's why he's mentioning it. "He's a bit over the top, don't you think?"

He sounds almost disdainful as he says it, as though Jace's mere suggestion is laughable, and Magnus's intrigue immediately shifts to offended annoyance. He straightens a little where he stands, reluctantly affected by it.

--

"I mean, love songs are great," Magnus admits lightly. "But stringing a few pretty words together does seem a bit unoriginal when everyone does it."

Simon shoves him lightly in offense, and Magnus can't help but laugh.

"Then what do you suggest?" Magnus is taken completely by surprise when he realizes that it's Alec who's speaking, and he turns to him. The guy's expression is neutral, but seems genuinely curious.

"Oh, I don't know," Magnus says, swirling his drink around in his glass. He shrugs. "I suppose I'm more a fan of showing and not telling. I'd much prefer someone showing interest in what I like and who I am, than comparing my eyes to the night sky, and whatnot." He gestures airily, then hesitates. He suddenly can't seem to stop himself, the memory of the Lightwoods' overheard conversation bubbling to the surface. "I think most people can appreciate that. Even if some of us are a bit over the top."

--Okay...I'm gonna go ahead and throw in a love confession~

"Look, I don't expect anything from you," he says, as though the words are hard to say. "You've made your feelings pretty clear, and I respect that. But I heard you talked to my mom, and with the stuff you said to her... I guess it just kind of made me a bit hopeful, or something. A bit." He clears his throat, while Magnus just listens. He turns to watch Alec's profile as the young man struggles to find the words, eyes on the view in front of him. "Either way, I'll admit that how I feel hasn't really changed. Maybe it should have, but..."

Alec shakes his head, and Magnus feels his throat go dry. He wants to interrupt Alec, wants to say and show everything that's bursting out of his chest, but he waits. Alec takes a deep breath then, turns to him. He looks determined.

"If you want me to," he says steadily, "I'll go. I'll leave you alone, I promise. You won't hear from me again." He pauses, licks his lips. "But if you don't want me to, if something has changed since last time, somehow... I'd really like to know. Because that would be pretty great."

2. 42 North 71 West by @lecrit​

Why I love this fic: I was blessed with the opportunity to witness Lu working on this fic from its conception to its end. I was there and still I am blown away at the way she was able to work the time jumps. I remember thinking with every chapter I read, 'Wow. The way she is telling this story is amazing. She is amazing.' Lu has a way of presenting so much honesty in her characters. She writes them in a way that feels so real, that you can't help but understand their fears and hesitations even though it hurts. The story is a back and forth told through scenes set in the past and present. You get to see what they were and where they are. The story is beautifully heartbreaking. And she was able to make me enjoy a story that dealt with politics? What? Sorcery, I tell you. -- also, the bench.

Favorite scene: This was almost impossible to choose and I took way too long trying to pinpoint just one. But I'm going to go with one that I hold very dear. When Magnus goes to visit Alec on his birthday and he finds Alec playing the song he only plays when he's sad. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil~

Favorite quote(s):

“Magnus,” Alec breathes out.

The name feels almost foreign, as if he hadn’t uttered it in too long and now his mind is troubling to catch up with his mouth. Still, it manages to make Alec’s heart stutter.

--

“We should’ve stayed on that bench in Boston,” he murmurs.

--

The good thing is, he knows where to go to find his way back. It is inked on his body, engraved into his soul, sealed into his heart.

3. Lead The Way by Clockworkswan

Why I love this fic: Because it takes the wonderful adventure of Doctor Who and packs it in with Malec. This is the ultimate fun and feel good but you will also cry at one point fic. I always go back to it if I want a wonderfully written Doctor Magnus and his adorable companion Alec. Seriously, even if you're not into Doctor Who, give this fic a shot. It's written in a way that you will get so caught up in the adventure that you won't even realize it's based on something else. And if you're a Doctor Who fan, you're in luck with all the little Easter Eggs Heather left throughout.

Favorite scene: I really don't want to spoil anything. The planet of Ablorix. This will mean nothing if you don't read the fic (so you should ;])

Favorite quote(s):

Magnus extends a hand. It’s just like before, when they were in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. It’s just as inviting as it was the first time.

“How about it, pretty boy? Name a star. Any one will do. Or a date,” Magnus says. The double meaning is evident when he winks. He pauses then, and his expression shifts, growing solemn.

A clear shift in his demeanour happens. Magnus turns from playful to sincere in the blink of an eye. Although, there was also a serious tone to it. Magnus looks at him, and understanding eyes meet Alec’s hesitant ones. “Alexander, you seem like a man in need of a break, and I am very much a man in need of a friend. Adventures are always a quick way in figuring out what you want. What do you say?”

What does he say?

He says yes.

Of course Alec does.

--

Before Magnus can think of a good retort, he tries to ignore the clenching ache his stomach gives at the sight of a confident, smirking Alec Lightwood watching him so openly. He settles for pointing in a random direction. “I have to go and see a dog about a man. Meet back here in five?”

“Uh, isn’t the expression, ‘see a man about a dog’?”

“Not when the dog ran off with the man’s wife. A rather big scandal, it seems. The president wants me to try and step in. Smooth things over, so to speak.”

At that, Alec just stares blankly.

Magnus holds up a finger. “Yes, this is normal for me. No, you may not come along. Go.”

4. Love & Other Drugs prequel of Our Love Is A Harsh Chord in the Semi-charmed Kind Life series by @la-muerta​

Why I love this fic: I'm kind of cheating here by listing two fics but they're a package deal. Love & Other Drugs was a smutty one-shot that left me wanting

more...

backstory. Let me tell you the pining and 'unrequited' love between those two demanded a story to be written. Which is why when la_muerta ran a poll on whether or not she should start it or another series first, I campaigned for this one like it was my job (I lost but I still got the series eventually so did I really lose?) The writing in this and with all of la_muerta's fics will hook you. The sadness over the back and forth between them is done so well. It's angst that will grip you and hold onto you until you eventually finish. Just go on the twitter hashtag of #OLIAHCfic and see my screaming.

Favorite scene: Probably the LSD scene.

Favorite quote(s):

Alec was still here, in bed with him.

How many times had Magnus wished that he could wake up with Alec in his arms? He didn't dare to move, wanting the dream to last a little longer, but Alec was already stirring.

--

he'll wonder if life would be a little easier if he wasn't hopelessly in love with Magnus, but it is a fact of who he is now: Alec Lightwood is 6'3, has dark hair, is gay, and is in love with Magnus Bane.

--

They are lying next to each other now, turned on their sides and face to face. The world is no longer warped and weird, but glowing and perfect. Magnus is tracing a path of lightning down Alec's body with his fingertips, and in a moment of clarity Alec understands that in Magnus' eyes he is as beautiful as he thinks Magnus is (it is the first thing Alec forgets when he wakes up sober later).

--

Words aren't enough to express how he feels, but they've always understood each other better when clumsy words don't get in the way.

5. The Lonely Hearts Hotline by @unrestrainedlyexcessive​

Why I love this fic: It's funny, it's endearing, it's heart wrenching, it's sexy, etc. The way Alec is written in this fic is one of my favorite characterizations. The way his situation can resonate with so many young adults today. That feeling when you're an adult and you feel like you should know what to do with your life and who you should be but the truth is, you're still just as lost as always. Being an adult sucks tbh and even when you're an adult, sometimes life doesn't quite feel like it. Alec's character and growth in this fic is beautiful. (I also really loved Jace in this fic)

Favorite scene: A tough choice. Probably the office party and follow up scene in Magnus' office.

Favorite quote(s):

The problem with being a new grad, in general, is that the world and job force demands you have experience, but you have to live a certain number of productive years on the planet to gain that experience.

Early adulthood is no man's land. You don’t have the experience to matter and no one wants to pay you to gain it, hence how he ended up in the precarious situation he’s in: dodgy sex work by night, an even dodgier roommate, and desperately hoping an internship eventually turns into an actual paying job.

--

Magnus runs his tongue down the knobs of Alec's spine. "You're so beautiful," he says, pausing.

"I'm really not," Alec insists, eyes fluttering closed.

"Why are you so kind to everyone except yourself?"

"I'm a work in progress."

"Aren't we all?"

[ohemgeeitscoley]

Rey doesn't think when she calls Ben to go into her emails to send off her draft email with her final to her professor. 

It isn't until she's off the phone that she remembers all the other draft emails are to him and vary from confessing her love to him and describing in detail what exactly she wants to do to his body. 

No, Rey didn't think this through at all.

These letters to you (1/1)

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Rey/Ben Solo (Reylo)

Note: This came from this prompt from the ReylosPrompt Twitter account.

Curious Cat Prompt: "Ben finds a draft on Rey’s email addressed to him confessing her love and lust for him."

@andyouweremine​ and @storiesofimagination​ are some of the best betas a girl could ever ask for. They make sure that my tenses stay correct and reassure me the entire time that I’m writing. They are the best cheerleaders and I wouldn’t know what to do without them. <3 

Read below or on AO3.

Please pick up. Please pick up. If there is any sort of fairness in the galaxy, please pick up your fucking phone--

"Hello?" Ben's voice is low, deeper than usual. It's his mostly asleep voice. Rey hates that she has thought enough about the variances of Ben's voice to know the different tones almost as much as she hates the fact that a sleepy Ben Solo is almost always her favorite version of Ben.

Ben had been one of the first people Rey had met when she transferred in as a sophomore. He had been in his first year at the law school. They both fought for the right to study under a specific tree toward the edge of the campus. It was quiet, far enough away from the hot spots to really attract much attention or noise. The leaves were big and provided plenty of shade from the sun. The ground was soft and mostly free of any large rocks or bouts of even landscaping. 

It was Rey's favorite spot. 

They fought over the tree for two months, both of them refusing to leave and each attempting to annoy the other into giving the spot up. It didn't take long for them to realize that when they were just sitting under the tree, quietly, together studying, it wasn't so bad.

It was actually nice, not being alone. 

Rey moved into Ben's apartment the following fall and they'd been best friends ever since. 

Rey's fairly certain she's been in love with him for roughly the same amount of time. 

Not that she has the time to be getting lost down that particular rabbit hole.

"Thank God, you answered," Rey responds, twisting the cord of the phone around one of her fingers. Everything about the diner she works at is a little bit kitschy and old, but having to make a call on a phone actually attached to a wall with cords is a whole different experience. "I'm so sorry I woke you up. I know you were up late studying."

"Rey?" Ben asks while yawning. Rey can hear him shuffle around in his bed. "It's not even 6 AM, is everything okay?"

"You answered," Rey smiles, hoping Ben knows that she is practically beaming at him through the phone. "Everything is going to be fine. My final paper is due at 6. On the dot. I was too nervous to send it last night when I finished it. I was going to send it in this morning, after I had a chance to at least look over it for grammar and spelling, but I'm me and I--"

"Slept through your first four alarms and barely made it out the door for work?" Ben interrupts.

"Yes." Rey sighs, rolling her eyes. "Anyways. You know I can't use my cell at work, I'm probably going to get shit for this call, and you're the only number I have memorized. So I really, really need you to get on my computer, go to my email and send in my paper. I have a draft saved and everything. All you have to do is get in my drafts folder and hit send."

"Sure," Ben agrees. "Password for your laptop?"

"Capital d-y-at sign-d-hashtag-number 3-exclamation point."

"I'm on it." Rey can hear Ben's door open, the same squeak sounding over the phone that she complains about every night when he's anxious from studying and walks back and forth from his room to the kitchen every twenty minutes. "Consider it done."

"You're the best roommate, slash friend, slash just all around hero of my life," Rey blushes, stopping just short of adding 'probably the love of my life' at the end of her sentence. Thinking about her feelings for Ben is definitely a rabbit hole she is better off to avoid. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"It's the least I can do if I'm really the only phone number you have memorized."

"It's 2020, Ben," Rey teases. "The fact that I have your number memorized is really impressive."

"Why mine?"

Rey can hear water running in the background, a cabinet opening and a drawer shutting. Rey hates that she can clearly see Ben in their kitchen, making coffee, probably with a slightly grumpy look on his face because Rey knows that she put the grinder and the filters back in the wrong spot. She hates it the same way she hates knowing that Ben won't say anything about the misplaced items to her, and that if she were home he would make her cup of coffee first. 

The way Ben always takes care of her first drives Rey crazy most days. 

"I figure the only time I'm ever going to need to call someone without having access to my phone would be in a real emergency. And you're the person I would want to call." Rey bites her lip, shaking her head as if she could shake away how vulnerable she sounds to her own ears. "Or, if I've been arrested. And if that's the case, you're the only lawyer I know."

Ben snorts. "I have to actually finish next semester and pass the bar to be a real lawyer."

"You're going to pass," Rey gently reminds him. It's the same conversation they've been having since the beginning of the year. "And then you're going to kick legal ass all over New York."

Ben's laugh is warm. "You should go back to work, don't worry about your paper. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't. Text me what you want for dinner. I'll pick it up on my way home from my last final." 

Rey hangs the phone back up on the wall and walks back out into the diner. She smiles, grabbing a rag to wipe down the front counter. Her nerves finally calm knowing that Ben wouldn't let her down and she no longer had to worry about failing one of her last classes. 

Ben would just go into her draft emails and send the email on to her professor.

Into her draft emails.

Her draft emails.

Fuck. 

***

Ben is not surprised when he opens Rey's email and sees that she has 37 draft emails. It's honestly exactly what he expects. 

He blows across the top of his mug, watching as the steam from the cup scatters. The coffee's still too hot to drink, but it's 5:57 in the morning and Ben's only had 2 hours of sleep. 

If he survives law school and passes the bar, Ben is going to need a three week long nap.  

Taking a drink from the mug, Ben grimaces as the too hot liquid burns his tongue and throat, and yet at the same time warms his soul. Ben opens the draft emails, seeing the one at the top to Rey's professor. It's easy enough to look at, make sure that there's an attachment attached and that Rey's message isn't full of 2 AM Rey snark. 

It's sent by 5:59.

Ben's glad that he woke up to his phone going off and that he answered. Usually, answering unknown numbers isn't something Ben does, but he's always a little more cautious when Rey is gone and it's a local number. Just in case. 

Answering a spam call and wasting 5 seconds but knowing Rey is fine is worth it. 

Everything about the call fell into the 'reasons to tell Rey about his feelings' column in the pro/con list he kept in his mind. Rey had his number memorized in case of emergencies. 

Somehow Rey Johnson had decided that he was worthy and could be trusted to be someone she could rely on.  

And for Rey, with all of the abandonment issues Ben knows about, to trust him to be there for her… it means more than Ben can say. 

Falling completely in love with his best friend was not on his list of things to complete before finishing law school. 

Though he thinks it might be the most worthwhile thing he's done in the three years. If he wasn't absolutely terrified of Rey not feeling the same way and ruining their friendship, Ben knows that loving her, being loved by her… that would be the honor of a lifetime. 

Tilting his head back, Ben reaches for his mug and takes another drink. These are the kinds of thoughts that Ben knows he cannot dwell on so early and on such little sleep. He's going to fuck up one day and send her a text message confessing that he does actually reorganize their kitchen cabinets sometimes just because he thinks that the way she scrunches her nose when she's confused and angry is the cutest thing in the world.  

Maybe he'll just text her that he loves her and not in a friend way. But in a ‘very real, very romantic, wants to take her on dates, and make her toes curl in pleasure’ kind of way.

Which is why Ben needs to go back to bed and try to sleep before studying again. His last final is tomorrow and if he isn't smart enough to list ten reasons why texting Rey about how pretty he thinks her freckles are in the sunlight, well, he has no idea how he's going to pass his trademarks and false advertising final. 

Ben is just starting to close the laptop when he sees his email on one of the draft emails. He knows that he shouldn't snoop in Rey's draft emails, but it's addressed to him and it's probably just a dumb meme that she forgot to hit send on. 

Because Rey sends Ben a lot of dumb memes. It's one of the things he loves about her. 

Ben pushes the screen up and is stunned to find that there are a bunch of emails to him.

Before he can think his way out of doing it, Ben opens the first email.

Dear Ben:

I came home early from work and you were shirtless and exercising in the living room

First: rude.

Second: I've decided it's unfair for you to ever wear shirts and you should be shirtless all the time

Third: actually, no one else needs to know about this gross injustice and you should only not wear shirts around me

Fourth: have you always been so... big?

Fifth: I need to go to bed and think more about this.

Yours,

Rey

Ben takes a deep breath. That was not a dumb meme.

That was the furthest thing from a dumb meme.

Ben slowly releases his breath, closing out of the draft email. He should stop. He knows he should shut down Rey’s computer and that he absolutely should not open another draft email to him. 

But he needs to know what else they say. For the first time in three years, there's a spark of hope inside Ben that maybe Rey feels something for him. So he looks down the list of drafts and opens one from 6 months ago on his birthday.

Ben,

It's your birthday. I know you aren't comfortable with attention being solely focused on you, but I'm so glad that you seemed to be enjoying yourself tonight. 

You deserve it. You're always so hard on yourself. I wish you could see you the way I see you. How kind and caring and thoughtful you can be. It never fails to amaze me, just how wonderful you really are.

You looked gorgeous. I had to stop myself from telling you just what seeing you in that suit did to me. I almost told you how badly I want you. 

I drank too much. I hate that you thought you had to leave the club to make sure that I made it back home okay, but I also… God Ben, you are always taking care of me.

No one else has done that for me.

You got me in bed, made sure I could change out of my outfit (which did you like my outfit? I thought you looked like you appreciated it when I walked out of my room, but you didn't say anything. I mean of course you didn't say anything. But I hope you did. I wore it for you.) you even brought water and aspirin for me to take tomorrow morning when I wake up. 

You kissed my forehead when you tucked me in.

I just want to kiss you. 

Well, I want to do more than just kiss you. But kissing seems like a good place to start. 

Which is how I ended up here. Reading all of these unsent emails to you. I almost hit send on the first one I wrote. My feelings for you haven't changed. 

But I'm so so scared.

I am terrified Ben.

I can't lose you. You've become the one constant in my life and I don't know what I would do without you in it. 

What if you don't feel the same way? What if I ruin everything?

I should go to bed. I just wish that I were in your arms instead of alone.

I'm so tired of being alone.

Anyways.

Happy birthday, Ben.

Yours,

Rey 

Ben reads the email four times before it really clicks in his brain that Rey likes him. Rey has apparently liked him for at least six months, but maybe even longer since she referred to sending her first draft email and that her feelings hadn't changed.

Her feelings. For him.  

His birthday had been the best birthday he could remember. Rey had planned the entire event. She had been so excited to celebrate him that it was hard not to embrace it. 

Ben's birthdays usually consisted of a phone call from his parents, maybe lunch or dinner if they were in the same city, and a few text messages from others. 

Rey woke him up with pancakes and waffles, because no one should have to choose between the two best breakfast foods on their birthday, and a detailed itinerary of all her ideas for the rest of the day. 

She spent the entire day with him doing whatever he wanted to do. Watching his favorite movies, ordering lunch from his favorite restaurant, confirming with everyone the dinner plans and post-dinner drink plans she had made. 

Ben had almost told Rey about his feelings for her that night. After reading her email, he wishes that he had.

How much time had they missed out on being together because they were both scared?

Ben shakes his head, he still isn't sure that this all is real. Maybe Rey hadn't really called and he is still asleep. Maybe this is all a dream. 

He downs the last of the coffee in his mug, running a finger across the chip on the side. 

Rey had tried throwing the mug out after she moved in, saying something about how they could just use his mugs. Ben had ignored her, placing the pastel colored mugs, chips and all, next to his glossy black ones in the cabinet. He told her the blue one was his favorite and it wasn't going anywhere. 

The smile she had given him lit up the entire room. 

He sets the mug back down on the table, scrolling down until he finds the first draft to him. I almost hit send on the first one I wrote. The email is dated the day before she moved in. 

He opens it.

Ben,

I will probably never send this email, but I also don't know that I won't. I know that I want to send it. I want to be brave and to know the truth.

The thought of doing it is just scary though. 

You know that you're my best friend right? It's hard for me to imagine a world without you in it, which for me is a lot. You haven't even been in my life for a year and you've already managed to make it so that I don't know what I'll do when you decide to leave.

That's what people do, Ben, they leave me. 

It's just a fact in my life and knowing that, honestly, has kept me safe. I keep people at a distance, which wasn't hard growing up because I just bounced around from foster home to foster home and school to school. But now I'm here and I'm not going anywhere new anytime soon.  

And then there's you. 

For some reason, I believe you're not going anywhere either. 

Which is scarier to me. I've never had anyone stay before. I don't know what to do with that. 

A part of me needs to believe that you're going to leave. So when you do eventually move on and leave me behind it'll at least be something I knew was going to eventually happen.

Anyways. I've gotten really sidetracked here. 

I've been going to therapy. Which you already know, since you're the one who kept telling me that it was something I should look into. Thanks for that by the way. You were right. 

She suggested that I write letters to the people who have left or hurt me. Not to send, but to just, get my thoughts and feelings out of my head. 

It helped. 

Which is why I'm writing this email to you, even though I'll never be brave enough to send it. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about you, Ben. I need them out of my head.  

I love you. 

I am in love with you. 

Not in a platonic way. In a very romantic way.

Almost everything you do drives me crazy and makes my heart warm and my face glow. 

I want to kiss you and hold your hand. I want to find out if my head will fit in the crook of your neck when you hold me the way I think that it will. I want to commit the taste of your skin to my memory. I want to know the marks on your body better than I know my own. I want to know what you look like when you lose control and give into pleasure. 

It's really apparent, I think, the way I feel about you.  

Only you don't seem to notice. And I need to admit to myself that it's because you don't think of me that way. 

Which is fine. I get it. 

You're you… and I'm just, well, I'm just me. 

But I'm moving in tomorrow and I just needed to get these thoughts out. Otherwise I'm a little worried I might just blurt it out when you help me wash the dishes or eat dinner with me. Which I'm sure sounds a little strange, but after a lifetime without these moments… 

I imagine living with you is only going to make me fall more in love with you. 

Maybe I'll just have to write you more. 

Yours,

Rey

Ben doesn't bother to count how many times he rereads the email. He just keeps going back to the top as soon as he reads her name and starts again. He doesn't stop until he is sure he could repeat every word without looking at the screen. 

And then he continues to read the email again, just to make sure.

Rey loves him.

Even with the words clearly on the screen for Ben to see, it's hard for him to believe. He's been in love with Rey since before she moved in. The idea that Rey has felt the same way the entire time doesn't make sense. 

Ben is objectively smart. He isn't even shy about his intelligence. In fact any given classmate of his would likely describe him as an insufferable know it all. Rey loving him without Ben catching on for over two years is inconceivable. He would have noticed. He would have seen the signs.  Certainly he would--

He reads the email again. And again. And again. 

Every time he tries to find a way to read anything into it beyond 'Rey has admitted in three different emails, to various degrees, that she is physically attracted to you and that she is in love with you' he rereads the emails. 

He doesn't read any more beyond the three. There are plenty of drafts to him that are unread, but he grasps the threads between them to form the overall picture without needing to read the individual emails. 

He feels guilty if he thinks for too long about reading the ones he did. He has information now that he didn't have before. He reasons that it is information that he should have though. Because now that he knows and he thinks to any given memory of Rey, with just a tiny bit of certainty that Rey loves him…

Well it's the easiest thing in the world to see. 

When he really thinks about it, Rey doesn't hide the way she loves him, she shines with it. He can see it in the way she smiles at him when he pulls the blanket from the back of the couch and tucks it around her during a movie. Her face soft and warm as she instinctively burrows into the heat. 

He can see it in the way she keeps finding reasons to touch his arm when they are walking. Her hand guiding his elbow when she's giving directions. A finger tapping on his wrist when she wants him to follow her gaze. Her arm interlocked with his when she's had just a little too much to drink to still be steady in her heels. 

It's certainly the way she trusts that he won't let her fall. 

Ben closes the laptop, stretching as he stands. He places the empty coffee mug in the sink, rinsing out the small drops of coffee lingering in the bottom of the glass. The time on the stove clock mocks him. 

7:34.

Rey isn't going to be home for hours. She'll go straight from the diner to her final. And he doesn't want to worry her by texting her. Especially when he knows she won't have a lot of time, if any, to text him back.

He isn't even sure what he would say to her. 

He could study. He should study. He tries to study, but it's pointless. He can't really focus when at least half of his brain is still focused on Rey's emails. 

Ben waits. Impatiently watching the clock and attempting to will time to pass faster. He reads his note cards in between planning the possible ways his conversation with Rey may go when she finally, finally gets home. 

It's a long day.

***

Rey glances down at her phone for approximately the millionth time on her walk from the diner to campus. She's almost run into ten different people while walking because she's too focused on her phone and not where she is going. 

There are no messages from Ben. No missed calls either. 

Maybe Ben didn't see the emails. There's no way Ben would see the draft emails to him and not read them. And if he read them he absolutely would have texted her about them by now. 

Right? Right.  

Unless he thought that letting her down over a text message or a phone call is too impersonal. Maybe he is just waiting for her to get home to break her heart. 

She should have just turned in the paper late. So what if she failed and had to retake the class over the summer and figure out a way to pay for it out of pocket? At least she would still have her best friend.

A drop of water hits Rey's face, Rey looks up from her phone and glares at the darkened sky. She doesn't remember rain being mentioned in the weather forecast, but that hardly matters as it starts raining harder.  

Rey checks one more time for any messages before sliding her phone into her bag and running the rest of the way to class. She makes it inside of the building just before a large round of thunder and the rain starts to pour.  

She sits at her desk, waiting for the rest of her classmates to show up. She pulls out her phone, debating if she should send Ben a message. 

Hey! By now you probably read the emails. This is really embarrassing and obviously I should have deleted them instead of saving them. I'm an idiot. Please let me know when you need me to move out by. Sorry for making this so awkward.

Or

You find two years worth of love letters and you have NOTHING to say to me??????

Or

I assume that if you felt anything similar toward me you would have said something by now. Can we just pretend that you never saw them? I don't want this to change everything. 

The professor walks in, handing off the test packets to another student to begin passing around. 

There's not enough time for Rey to address any of this with Ben in a message. But she can't stomach the idea of not hearing from him at all before going home. 

Rey: Hey! Getting ready to start my final, you never said what you want me to grab for dinner on my way home?

***

Rey hands in her test to her professor with a tight smile and a small wave. She's pretty sure she passed, which at this point, is all she can hope for. 

She spent half of the time thinking of different scenarios that could be a possibility when she went back to the apartment. Anything near passing would be fine. 

She walks out of the classroom and pulls out her phone. She has two messages from Ben.

Ben: Actually, I was thinking I would make dinner. Something to celebrate your last final. 

Ben: Maybe something to distract me from studying. 

Rey sighs as she walks toward the exit of the building. Maybe Ben didn't read the draft emails after all. Even if he didn't have feelings for her, surely they'd be enough to at least distract him. 

Rey had poured her heart out in some of those emails. She knows there are at least a few where she went on and on about what she thought about Ben's body and the way his hair looked with him growing it out. A few where she made it clear about her thoughts about how kissable his lips looked, how she wondered what his fingers would feel like tracing her curves. 

Even if he didn't have feelings for her,  certainly he would be distracted by some of those emails.

Maybe she won't go home. Maybe she can avoid Ben long enough that she won't have to find out if he read the emails or not. She won't have to find out if she's ruined one of the best things in her life.

The sun is bright when Rey steps outside. The sidewalks are a darker grey, small puddles pooled around the cracks and uneven slabs. 

Rey zips her jacket up, shivering slightly as the wind picks up speed. 

She spends most of the walk home trying to fight against her disappointment at the thought that Ben hadn't gone through the emails to him. She had spent so much of her energy imagining Ben breaking it to her that he didn't feel the same way, but a part of her had been hoping that maybe, maybe he felt the same. 

The idea that Ben just didn't read the emails was worse.

Maybe Rey should just tell him. Get her feelings out in the open and see what comes from it. There was a chance, a small chance, but still a chance that he felt the same way. Or that he could be open to the idea. 

Rey: Sounds good! Need me to stop for anything? Dessert? Wine? Hard alcohol to help with the studying?

Ben doesn't respond until she's almost home. 

Ben: No. The only thing missing is you.

***

Ben fidgets with the pen in his hand, twirling it in between his fingers. The pasta is done, the french bread is in the oven.

The only thing that is missing is Rey.

He glances down at his phone to check and see if Rey had responded, but there's no notification. She should be home soon and Ben still doesn't know what he's going to do when he sees her. 

He knows what he wants to do. He doesn't want to waste anymore time. He wants to tell her that she's beautiful, because she is, even if she'll fight it because she always complains about how gross she feels after a shift at the diner when she has to head straight to class. She’s always beautiful though, and now he just wants to tell her that. He wants to be able to tell her that when she wakes up in the morning and she’s scrunching her face up against the harshness of the sun sneaking in, or when she is passionate about something and it lights up her entire face.

He wants to tell her that he loves her. That he has been in love with her the entire time too. He’s just not sure how. 

It doesn't seem like enough to just say that he loves her. She wrote him fucking love letters. And even though Ben only read three, he knows that there are more and that they are just as lovely and somehow all about her feelings for him. She deserves more than just him saying that he feels the same way.

She deserves to know about the day he realized he was in love with her. She deserves to know about the way the slope of her neck into her shoulder drives him crazy. She deserves to know that he pretends to fall asleep during their movie nights because then she'll fall asleep and curl herself around him on the couch. 

The oven beeps and Ben stands from the table, he closes his book, grabbing his note cards and pens and highlighters. He dumps the items into his bedroom, before walking back into the kitchen to pull the french bread out from the oven. 

Ben's sliding the bread onto a cutting board, knife in his hand, when the door opens and Rey walks in.

Ben struggles to remember how to breathe as he stares at her. She looks beautiful. But she's nervous, her fingers are playing with the sleeve of her jacket, pulling and twisting at the loose fabric. She shuts the door, taking a step into the kitchen. 

She's staring at Ben and he can see it now. She loves him and he can see it. How had he never noticed it before?

Maybe he really was an idiot.

He had spent all day fighting his own nerves, trying to come up with the perfect plan on how to tell Rey that he never thought about what she must have spent the entire day doing.

Obviously, she knew that she sent him into her draft emails and that there was a chance that he would see the emails.

Did she know that he read them? Is that why she is looking at him with wide eyes, her mouth slightly open, as if she is almost about to say something, but she doesn't. 

Of course she's worried that he doesn't feel the same way. Why else would she keep writing him draft emails while not saying anything or giving him any real signs about her feelings?

He sets the knife down next to the bread and takes a step toward her.

"Dinner smells good," she says, a little breathless. 

Ben doesn't say anything in response, he just takes another step, closing the distance between him. Rey glances up at him, her body tense as she takes a small step back. 

Ben reaches out for her, his hand settling against her lower back, gently urging her to come closer to him. 

"Ben," she breathes, stepping forward, her hand hovering over his bicep for a second before she commits and rests her hand against the sleeve of his shirt. 

"It was the first night you stayed over," Ben says, brushing a stray piece of Rey's hair behind her ear. "It was… two, maybe three months before you moved in. You came over to study. We had dinner first and then you demanded that we watch a movie before we started studying. Something about how our brains needed a break and we'd be better off waiting for a few hours to get started on our all nighter."

Ben smiles, mostly for himself, remembering how cute she had been arguing with him. 

"We didn't study," Ben continues, running a finger down her cheek. "You fell asleep twenty minutes into the movie. You looked so peaceful and beautiful and I just… all I could think was about how all I wanted in life was to share it with you. Because I was in love with you."

Rey's expression is soft and a little bewildered as he continues. She turns her head slightly, her lips quickly pressing against his thumb.

"I've been in love with you this entire time. I'm sorry I was too scared to tell you. I was nervous… I am nervous that I'm going to ruin this. I love you and I know, Rey, I know that nothing is ever going to change that. I'm going to love you forever. I can feel it in my bones. Be with me? I know it's scary--"

Rey pulls at Ben's shirt until he bends down and she cuts off his sentence by kissing him. Ben sighs against her lips, his eyes closing as he places her free hand on her hips. She deepens the kiss, her tongue running across his, her fingers burying themselves in his hair.

The way Rey feels pressed against him, the pressure of her mouth on his, it's better than he could have imagined. 

It's over too soon, Rey breaks the kiss, a large smile spreading across her face. Ben's grin is just as large and toothy. He stares at her for a second, trying to memorize the way she looks in that moment to his brain. Then he pulls her into his chest and kisses her hair.

"I love you too," Rey says after a moment. "And I agree that it is scary. But I want to be with you. It's worth it."

***

Ben's kisses are something Rey could get addicted to. He kisses with his whole body, the way he angles in his legs to brush against hers, the pressure of his thumb pressing into her hip, his fingernails lightly scratching down her spine. And his lips.

God his lips.

She had been right about his lips. They were absolutely made for kissing.

He left kisses all over her face, her cheek, her jaw, just above her eyebrow. Rey tugged at the bottom of his shirt with one hand, the other quickly moving to run along the exposed skin of his stomach. 

He is so warm and solid underneath her hand. 

Ben pulls away just long enough to pull his shirt off. Rey spends a few seconds taking in the sight of him shirtless, his eyes darker than she has ever seen them as he watches her watch him. 

"You're so gorgeous," she says because she can. Then she moves to pull her own shirt off.

The black bra, which was mostly see through mesh, that she had picked out that morning appears to have been a good choice, judging by the way Ben swallows at the sight, his eyes slowly moving down her body. 

He places one hand over her right breast, gently squeezing before taking her nipple and rolling it in between his fingers. 

Rey moans, pushing herself forward into his hand, desperate for more friction. he repeats the actions on her left breast and Rey can't control the needy sounds falling from her lips. 

Ben pulls away then, dropping his hands to her waist as he takes a step back to put distance between them. 

Rey whines, instinctively following after him.

"The food is going to be cold if we don't stop," he explains, nodding at the pasta that's on the counter. 

Rey shakes her head, lifting up on her toes to kiss him again.

"Ben," she says, her fingers digging into his shoulder as she tries to find her balance. "I don't give a fuck about the food."

***

Ben groans at Rey's words, helpless to pull away when she's saying things like that and smiling against his lips. 

He kisses her, while moving them until her back is pressed against the wall. His fingers making quick work of the button on her jeans.  

This is going too fast. He knows that he should stop, that they should eat and he should ask her to go on an actual date, or to be his girlfriend, or fuck, his wife,  whatever she wants. 

But he can't stop kissing her. And judging by the way she's trying to undo his belt, she doesn't want to stop either. It's hard to argue against the side of his brain begging him to give into the pleasure and to take her into his room when she's pushing his pants and boxers down just enough to run her fingers down his cock.

"Rey, look at me," he begs, his hand grips the corner of the wall as he fails to stop his hips from pushing forward. The way Rey's hands feel wrapped around him, moving at a slow and steady pace as she raises her eyes to his face. Her hand picks up speed, and her eyes slightly narrow in concentration, like she's trying to decipher every twitch of his face so she can make him do it again is too much. 

"Yeah, Ben?" Rey says as an answer, her eyes not leaving his. She looks like the picture of innocence as she holds his gaze, her eyes full of love, her cheeks slightly pink, and her lips turned up in a smile.

It's difficult to believe that she can keep that expression on her face while giving him the best hand job of his life. 

"We should, uh, we should talk," he manages to get out, his grip on the wall tightening. "About all of this and what it means. I don't want… we don't have to rush into anything. We have time."

Rey's hand stops moving and if Ben was capable of holding on to more than a few of his brain cells he would have been embarrassed at the way he kept moving his hips long after she stopped. 

She holds his chin in her other hand, tilting his head down so she can look directly into his eyes before she leans up. The kiss is chaste and short, it leaves Ben wanting more.

"I don't want to talk," she says, moving her hand down his length again. "I don't want to wait either Ben," he shudders at the combination of her words and the way she twists her hand around the head of his penis. "I just want you."

***

Ben doesn't say anything, he tilts his head and looks at Rey like he's trying to decide what he did to deserve her and what he wants to do next. He's all action once he's made up his mind. 

He places his hand on top of Rey's, and Rey pumps him faster, feeling emboldened by the feel of Ben's hands on hers. He moves her hand away off of him, pinning it above her head and against the wall. 

"Ben," Rey sighs, half heartedly fighting against his hold, "I wasn't done--"

Rey stops talking while she watches Ben push down his pants to the floor. He picks her up and Rey wraps her arms around his neck, and her legs around his waist. 

Heat pools in her stomach when he starts to walk them towards his room. His mouth is on her again. Ben's room is only about 30 steps away from the kitchen, but it seems to take forever before Ben finally makes it to his door. 

Ben holds her against the door, carefully shifting her in his arms so that he can move one hand from her to open the door. Rey uses that as an opportunity to suck at the skin just below his jaw. The arm wrapped around her tightens and Rey can hear Ben's sharp intake of breath once she's moved her lips away. 

So she does it again to the skin below his ear, just to see if she gets the same reaction from him. 

Ben carefully sets her down on his bed. He settles his knees on either side of her and bends down to kiss her. His mouth is hot and desperate against hers as he unclasps her bra. Rey leans back on the bed and helps him slide the straps down her arms. 

Rey lifts her hips up so Ben can remove her underwear and jeans. She runs her fingers along the edge of his hip bone.

"You're beautiful," Ben says, his voice lower than Rey has heard it before. He drags his thumb along the curve of her breast and across her nipple.  "You're so beautiful Rey--" his fingers trail down along her waist and stomach until he barely grazes her clit with the pad of his finger. 

But it's enough to send small tendrils of pleasure throughout her body. He moves lower, running a finger through the wetness at her opening. She nods at the questioning look he gives her. 

He pushes a finger inside of her, curling it up as he sets a slow, leisurely pace with his movements. Rey moans, trying to urge him on to go faster.

"Ben, please," Rey begs, though she isn't quite sure what she's asking him to do. "I need more."

Ben drops to his knees, hooking Rey's legs over his shoulder. He adds another finger, picking up speed while he places wet kisses on her thighs and hip bone. His nose brushes against her clit when he moves his head to pay attention to the other side of her body. 

Rey whines, lifting her hips to try to find something to give her friction where she needs it most. Ben grins into her thigh. 

"You're a tease," Rey huffs. "An absolute damn tease and I need--"

"I know what you need," Ben whispers, his breath hot on her center and then he finally, finally lowers his mouth to her clit. 

Rey's brain ceases to function when he sucks and pleasure washes over her body.  She lifts her hips up and she's only slightly annoyed when Ben's hand pushes her back down to the bed. 

Ben works her up easily. He isn't shy about trying different things, and the way he manages to work his tongue with his fingers and his mouth is magic. 

Rey threads her fingers in his hair, she tugs on the strands as he brings her closer and closer to the edge. 

"Ben," Rey whimpers, her back arching. She's fairly confident the grip she has on his hair is actually painful, but she can't bring herself to let go and Ben doesn't seem to mind. At least, it isn't stopping him from devouring her. 

She doesn't want to come yet. She wants to stay in this moment forever. She needs it to last longer so she can commit the way her nerves are buzzing with pleasure and her heart is swelling with love and comfort to her memory. 

Ben sucks harder. The hand on her stomach moves up and he is pinching her nipple and she comes. 

He works her through her orgasm. His mouth and tongue slowing their movements against her clit until she swats at his head. 

"Too sensitive," she mutters, her eyes still closed. He laughs against her skin, resting his chin just above her pubic bone. 

Rey leans up, pressing her elbows into the mattress. "Hi," she says, grinning down at him.

"Hi." Ben sounds a little breathless, but he matches her smile and presses a kiss against her skin. 

His hair is a mess and Rey's stomach swoops with the knowledge that she did that. She's the reason this gorgeous man was out of breath and his usually perfectly tousled hair was all out of place. 

He moves up her body, running his tongue along her exposed skin until his head is hovering just over her own. 

"I love you," he says. And if it were possible Rey knows that he would be able to see her heart beat out of her chest. 

His face is so open and honest it surprises Rey. Because she knows that he said he loved her earlier, but there's still a part of her that isn't sure that he can mean it.

But then he looks at her with such adoration in his eyes and she's not sure how she could doubt him.

"I love you too," she says, beaming up at him as he closes the distance between them.

She can taste herself on his lips, but she isn't complaining as he opens his mouth to deepen the kiss.

"Condom?" she asks, breaking the kiss before placing smaller kisses along his jaw.

He nods, moving off of her and moving to the other edge of the bed. He opens the top drawer of his nightstand and pulls out a condom. Rey just watches as he tears open the wrapper, pinches the tip of the condom and rolls it down his length. 

"Come here," he says and Rey rolls over and makes her way to Ben. She settles herself over him, resting her hands on his shoulders and sinks down on him.

Ben let's her set the pace, but he meets her thrust for thrust and it makes Rey clench against him. He feels so good inside of her, and then he uses his hands, dragging them down on her spine, across her chest, down her stomach until he reaches her clit and he presses down and Rey starts to see stars. Her movements above him stutter and she knows she isn't going to last long if he keeps that up.

"That's it," he says, "Are you going to come for me?" He puts more pressure on his finger, drawing small circles on her clit. 

Rey sighs his name, squeezing her nails into his shoulder. He's taken over, controlling the speed of her thrusts as she just let's him, too lost in the pleasure pulsing through her veins.

"Ben," she groans when his mouth wraps around her nipple, his teeth sharp against her skin.

She comes when he bites down, her vision blurring. He keeps fucking into her chasing his own orgasm.

He comes silently, his breath hot on her neck. Rey catches her breath, enjoying the way Ben can't keep his hands still. He runs his hands over her collarbone, a finger trailing across her jawline, another down her spine.

She rolls off of him once she feels like she can take a full breath without immediately trying to suck in another. He moves around, removing the condom and tossing it into a trash can near his bed.

Rey is glad to discover that her head does fit into the crook of his neck just like she imagined. She tastes the salt on his skin when she leaves an opened mouth kiss to his shoulder. She wraps her arm around his chest and curls herself around him.

"So, you read the emails then?" Rey asks with a small laugh.

Ben kisses her head. "I read three of them, yeah."

"Just three?"

Ben sighs, his fingers continuing to run across her body as if he can't get enough of her skin. "I felt bad. Reading through emails you didn't send me, it felt like I was invading your privacy."

"I'm glad you did," Rey admits, pulling him closer to her. "Otherwise we might not be here."

Ben hums, his chest vibrating underneath her hand. "You have a point."

"Which ones did you read?"

"Um," Ben hesitates. Rey can feel his heartbeat pick up pace. "A recent one about me working out? And then the one on my birthday and the first one."

"Those were good ones," Rey laughs. "You could have read the other ones."

"You could send them to me." Ben drags his fingers through her hair. "I don't want you to hide from me anymore."

"Maybe I will," Rey teases. "Now that I know you might feel the same way about me."

"I do feel the same way," Ben amends her words. "I'm crazy about you. I've been crazy about you."

"But will you be tomorrow?" Rey asks, hating how needy her voice sounds to her own ears. "And the next day?"

"Always," Ben answers. There's no hesitancy to his answer. 

"Always is a long time," Reys says, kissing his neck. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I never do," Ben promises. "I'm always going to love you."

"Me too," Rey says, her voice heavy with sleep. "I'm always going to love you."

"Maybe tomorrow we can read the rest of them together?" Ben asks.  

"Yeah," Rey smiles. "We can do that."