#i have a 20 min presentation AND a final this week

[yourgospel]

*crawls out of a hole covered in blood and viscera* Hi guys. Heres a discord drop if ppl want to plot or become friends or what have you. Fun fact: my icon is machias stepfather. Isnt that hilarious

[goofnuggetkarlaa]

screaming and exploding and crying and throwing up

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

When they Accidentally Bring Up and Insecurity| Seungmin Pt3

Pt1 Pt2 BONUS

Sorry it took so long 🙈🙈🙈

(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)

It had been a couple of nights since you had been over at the dorms for game night.

You had been texting Seungmin even less now, slowly becoming more and more sensitive to every single thing that you did. Even when you noticed he had initiated almost every single conversation since the inicdent.

It had finally come time for you guys to move, and anxiety gnawed at you. You felt it grip you, and a part of you regretted every agreeing to move in with Seungmin.

The car ride was silent other than the clinking of the last few miscellaneous items you had taken from your apartment. And while Seungmin was moving in with you- you had agreed to have him spend a couple of nights a week at the dorm if he still wanted to, so some of his stuff was still there.

It was almost painful how quiet the car ride was- but you assumed it was for the best. You didn't want to have Seungmin hate your chatter even more than he already did.

While you were contemplating how to go about communicating once home; Seungmin was contemplating how to go about getting you to speak to him normally again.

It had been eating at him, and while he didn't normally find himself anxious or sensitive to these kinds of things since he believed he could solve things logically around 90% of the time- he had labeled this as part of the 10% of the time that rationality would succumb to emotion.

And it seemed that no time was better than that conversation was now as you guys found yourself stuck takin a detour due to a pile up that now added 20 minutes to your ride due to having to basically turn all the way around.

"Y...Y/N?" Seungmin started.

You turned to your boyfriend, and noticed a lilt in his voice that was never present before. His confidence was cracked a little, and you wondered what could have started to make that wall deteriorate.

"Hm?"

Seungmin drummed his fingers. "Uh...I...I know you said that what I had texted you a while back wasn't hurtful. But...I couldn't help but feel you were telling me a lie."

You blinked a few times and shook your head, giving a small chuckle. "I didn't lie. I'm fine really."

"But you're not."

His eyes stared straight ahead at the road, and you noticed the way the muscles in his jaw jumped slightly. You could see the fat of his cheek move around slightly too- the subtly of it giving you the conclusion of his biting his cheek to release some of his nerves.

"You're not okay. And...its...its making me not okay." He swallowed, and you focused on the movement of his throat, because you didn't want to say it.

You didn't want to say how something his said jokingly had planted a nasty seed in your head that couldn't help but spread all throughout you and cloud you with the thought of you being too much for him.

You moved your mouth to say something after a minute of silence but were cut off by Seungmin's soft sniffles.

"I'm not okay. I'm afraid. I feel like we're breaking up-" He says, his words coming out a little strangled. "I'm afraid that you hate me- and that you're going to leave me because I hurt you." You noticed his fingers trembling on the wheel and you gently reached your hands out, guiding him to the side of the road, and pushing the hazards.

You let him shake quietly as you kept your hand rested on his- which gripped the steering wheel so hard his blood flow was cut off a little and his knuckles were starting to become slightly chilled. You unbuckle your seatbelt to move closer to him.

"Min...I'm not..."

He rested his head on the wheel and released his hands, reaching out to hold your fingers.

"I'm not like him..." He you saw his shoulders move up and down slowly as his breathing returns to a slightly more normal pace. "I'm not..."

He swallows and you feel him shake as he tries to gain steady breath. "And to think I worried you - or even acted in a way that made you think of him again..."

You swallow and he lets out a humorless laugh.

"I'm possessive. When we first started dating I had told you that I would make sure you never thought of him again...I've kept that promise in the intention I had made it in but not in the way I should have kept it."

You can't help but let out a small breath at that. You hadn't thought of your ex at all, Seungmin excelled in every aspect of life compared to the guy you had wasted so much time with.

Which is why it hurt you to see that Seungmin hadn't realized that.

"I'm sorry Min. Please don't cry."

He shakes his head.

"Y/N don't apologize. You don't need to apologize. You never have to apologize for feeling hurt."

Your eyes meet him, and while they're still harbored with unshed tears, a look of intensity is what you take notice of first.

"You never have to apologize for feeling upset. I made a joke about something that stems a lot of insecurities. Which is valid and one hundred percent understandable. I tend to have a quick mouth but that isn't an excuse for me to dismiss or minimize your feelings. I truly wasn't aware that the reason your previous relationship ended was because of that dumbass not being able to appreciate the most beautiful thing about you."

You blink twice as Seungmin speaks again.

"I miss your voice. I miss you telling me every detail about your day. I miss hearing things that make me feel like I haven't been apart from you for even a second-" A look of melancholy washes over his face and his voice softens even more. "I never want you to feel like you have to silence yourself. You should be able to be you, and be with someone who loves that about you. Who loves to hear you talk abd if you ever leave me you should still know that you should never have to-"

"Seungmin, do you ever shut up?" You asked, a teasing lilt in your voice, and you placed your finger on his mouth. And just that simple turn of words made his heart soar.

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" He asks moving his lips down to your palm in a soft kiss, then moving your hand to his cheek.

"Only if you stop spewing this nonsense about me leaving you. To be honest I thought it was you who would leave me."

Seungmin moves quickly and you barely have time to register what's going on before he's pulling you onto his lap in an extremely uncomfortable position to kiss you.

When you pull back you laugh. "Is that your kind way of saying we should both shut up?"

He just hums in acknowledgement his eyes still locked on your lips as he pulls you in for another intense kiss- both of you ignoring the fact your shoulder was pressing into car horn causing a few people to shoot nasty glares at the car with a consistent horn.

"There. Does that show you I'm not going to break up with you? Actions speak louder than words or whatever?"

You nod and sit back.

"Say it."

"Say what?" You ask while reaching out to gently wipe a string of your spit from your boyfriend's chin.

"Say that you won't break up with me. Ever."

"Minnie we just made out-"

"I want to hear you verbalize. I want to hear your voice saying you won't break up with me." He whines.

You raise a brow and humor him.

"I will never break up with you Kim Seungmin."

He truly smiles, for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"Because I love you. More than anything...and also because if you think I talk a lot than wait until you meet my mom." You groan. "Speaking of which she wants to come to Korea to meet you. She's in some weird familial feud with my Aunt and thinks me being in a relationship give her the upper hand?"

Seungmin chuckles as he flicks of his hazards and starts pulling onto the road again. "Why is that?"

"Well you see, my cousin ended up getting pregnant. But come to find out she has four different side pieces - one of which is her boyfriend's brother. My mom had made a comment about how it seemed my sister was making a puzzle. Then my Aunt brought up my moms failed marriage which then led into a whole thing and now its and even bigger thing. Its kinda complex and hard to explain. Took me and Jisung four coffee dates to stalk the social media pages well enough to figure out where each guy was during the conception period. And her boyfrfend was in Cancun so it sure as hell wasn't him."

Seungmin couldn't help but smile the entire rest of the way there, feeling fulfilled and content with your noise being the backdrop to everything in his life.

Knowing that he would be content with listening to share 24/7 if it meant you felt loved and heard. If it meant that he was being the best lover to you. And if it meant that you would never feel the need to silence yourself for being you.

Because it was you who he loved and prioritized most- and he wanted to make sure that his love was as loud and consistent and unending as the aspect he found most beautiful about you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha

@iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @moony-9

@seungmincenteric @panbish-1209 @fxiry-vtt

@sseawavee @shuporanporang @amarecerasus

@softkisshyunjin @whoa-jo @meanergreener

@rikibun @ayyonoona @shinywombatcrusade

@y4yayael @skzstan12345 @mariteez

@allys-reads @jazziwritesthings @skzstannie

@yongbokkiesworld @kkkeopi @neverendingstay

@joyfulkittencherryblossom @velvetmoonlght @minsungsthirdwheel

[howi99]

The Puppeteer: *fixing someone's arm* I might have given you a stronger body, but that doesn't mean you are invincible. God, i fixed you last week for heaven's sake!

Ex-paper pleaser: I am sorry, i was trying to fix the bridge so you didn't have to.

The Puppeteer: *sigh* I already told you all; i don't mind y'all helping me, but i need to know in advance. *Show his atelier with his hand* What are my tools for? Decoration? Besides, I haven't finished the plan for the northern expansion of the city yet. The bridge can wait a mo-

Marie: *kicking the door open while gesticulating like a madwoman*

The Puppeteer: ... Marie, you'll have to slow down a bit. I may have taught you sign language, but i can't understand if you don't take your time.

Marie: *pointing to the big clock on the wall then at him and finally outside*

The Puppeteer: What? You want me to go eat? But it's barely 14h!

Marie: *facepalm* "The date you fool! It's today!"

The Puppeteer: What? What is to- *looks behind Marie and see a familiar face* Marie dear, didn't think you'd brought a friend home. Had i know, i would have made tea.

Marie: *questioning look* "Friend?" *Look behind her and see an out of breath Neo* "How did that old hag follow me!?"

The Puppeteer: I assume you asked how she followed you by how you are moving your hands? *Look at the patient* You should be fine now, you can go.

Ex-paper pleaser: Alright boss. I shall do that. *Leave*

The Puppeteer: *looking back at Neo* Dear friend, i shall present myself. My current name is the Puppeteer. I welcome you in my humble abode.

Neo: *absolutely not recognizing Jaune since his appearance changed a lot (soon to be commissioned so everyone can see what he looks like)* "That's nice and all, but that kid stole something precious to me. I want it back!"

The Puppeteer: *chuckle* Now, did she? Marie, what did you take from our friend?

Marie: *getting the broken electrolarynx from her pocket* "i saw it was broken and wanted you to help me fix it... I was planning to give it back."

The Puppeteer: Ah, i know what this is! It's been years since i saw one! *Take it from her hands* Hm, the internal circuits seem to have gotten loose. *Look at Neo* Mind if i fix it? As you can see, i'm quite adept at fixing stuff.

Neo: *annoyed* "Fine, but i want it back the second it is finished. I don't want my friend to know i broke his gift."

The Puppeteer: *chuckle* I don't think he would mind, young lady. *Begin the repair*

Marie: *look intensely at Neo*

Neo: *glare back*

Marie: *cheeky smile* "You should really wear less make up. It doesn't hide your wrinkles."

Neo: *cheeky smile back* "Should i talk about your fashion sense? You look like a worse version of me. What, did your grandma choose your clothes for you?"

The Puppeteer: You know, you two might be mute but i still can clearly hear all the gesticulating you both doing. I need to concentrate!

Neo and Marie: *rolls their eyes and crosses their arms*

The Puppeteer: Thank you.

_______

10 min later

The Puppeteer: Done! *Looking at his hands* My age is showing, when i was 20 i would have finished in less than a minute. *Looks behind him and sees Marie and Neo insulting each other with in sign language* They never change. *Clap his hands* Recreation finished kids, you can get your thing Neo.

Neo: *look surprised at the Puppeteer* "How do you know my name?*

The Puppeteer: *chuckle* You really don't recognize me? Come on, *throw lightly the electrolarynx to Neo* you even were so afraid I discovered that you broke my gift. *Smile and remove his mask that hides his face* though i should maybe redo the presentation?

Neo: *take a step back, looking worried*

The Puppeteer: I am known as the Puppeteer around here, but you can call me Jaune. *Looking at the clock* For you it should be maybe 6 hours since we last saw each other. For me? It was the longest 6h of my life.

[jmdbjk]

Bangtan Weekly Report: Festa Week

I am Army for about 3 years but loved them all 10 years...

saw someone say something similar the other day and its so true.

Millions of dollars spent on this almost month-long Festa and all for free to us. The 30 minutes of fireworks alone were estimated at $5 million USD. Now do you understand why those big sponsors were so important?

It is estimated that 400,000 attended the one day event that included Namjoon's presentation and the fireworks finale with about 120,000 being foreigners and 2000 being security manning the event. Perspective: Lollapalooza has an attendance of up to 100,000 per day. This 10th Anniversary Festa was ONE DAY.

400,000 ... almost half a million people on one day ... let that sink in.

View of the fireworks from around the other side of the river:

Drone view:

Fireworks began with Mikrokosmos, one of my favorites and right away I'm having trouble holding back the tears. Ever since YTC Busan, Butterfly has become one of those songs that makes me overly emotional but I found myself getting emotional even when hearing Fire, Dynamite and Take Two playing with the fireworks coordinated to the beat.

Watch 8-hour coverage of the day from JBTC News (gives a good idea of the number of people attending during the day-long event.)

Watch the entire fireworks show on Weverse. It begins with a message from Yoongi.

A translation of Jungkook's narration during the fireworks.

During Namjoon's event, the members called in. 32 minutes in Jungkook calls in from Los Angeles and apparently, Joon didn't realize it was JK EVEN AFTER HE SANG A FEW LINES OF TAKE TWO... JOON????? About 39 minutes in, Tae calls in and about 58 minutes into it, we hear Jimin conducting an Army quiz. I hope they add English subtitles soon.

More on Take Two:

I was asked what I thought "Take Two" meant in the context of the song lyrics...

...We been walkin' so many ways I feel like my heart will explode Can't you see the take two? Stories unfolding just for you youth with you hold my hand now ... When I got you by my side along the road we walked together Oh, we young forever ... Since we're together, I'm not afraid to wish for eternity ... I hold you in my arms Can't you see the take two? Letters I didn't send to you .... Oh, we young forever It was possible because I was with you

If I had to sum it up in one idea I would say they trust us to hold their youth within us. To remember their ten years so far. We are entrusted to keep that with us.

Because they are leaping off one by one into the thing that will supposedly change them in ways they don't even know yet. And they want these last ten years of their lives to be safe in us because this was a very special time of their lives.

I mean, who in this world can say they spent the youth of their teens and 20s as BTS, the group that never stopped running forward for almost ten years and rose to be a global phenomenon?

Only seven people in the world can say it: Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook.

Who else is going to remember their youth for them? Us, they only have us: Army.

A K-media article wrote about Take Two and specifically about Jimin's vocals, and besides describing Jimin as being the pillar of BTS songs, he went on saying this:

"In addition, Jimin showed a wide range of vocals, from soft mid-bass to high-pitched parts, and maximized the charm of the song with a unique and angelic voice praised by numerous vocal experts, giving a gift of ecstasy like an aurora."

Aurora... that is a PERFECT description of the sounds that come out of Jimin's throat when he sings.

I have maintained since the first time I listened to the song that Jimin's presence is heard throughout the song. Here is the Jimin focus cam.

About Song leaks:

There have been a lot of so-called "leaks" being passed around of Jungkook's songs. These could just be clips of discarded songs, discarded guides for group songs or even AI... who knows. Songs get written and progress gets made on them and then they end up not using them at all.

If the leaks are legit songs about to be on an album, I'm not sure how someone can continue to leak them and get away with it. I think the same has happened to songs that are supposed to be Tae's work. Leaks like this make an artist's work vulnerable to plagiarism and copyright theft.

Speaking of discarded songs... I've seen a lot of people talking about the number of songs that get included on albums and also why old songs get released years after they are written and produced.

I'm not a music industry expert but its a well-known thing that an artist is typically continually writing and recording music. Out of all the songs they produce, an artist will choose the ones that fit the theme/tone/vibe of an album/collection to release together. Many songs never make it. But that doesn't mean they aren't good songs, they just aren't what the artist wants at that moment in time.

So much music and lyrics are timeless so it doesn't matter when a song is written, if it resonates, it is relevant. I would bet Jimin had several songs he could have put on Face but they just weren't exactly what he wanted to say, or the vibe wasn't what he was aiming for now. He might save them for later.

And people saying Take Two was written a few years ago but is only now being released means it is one of those songs that still resonates with where BTS is today.

This is my opinion: I also want to say something about the argument that Jimin was denied all the MV's he wanted for Face... we know he's working on new music... we know they have a tight timeframe because of enlistment. It takes time and money to produce music videos, especially to the high caliber that BTS music videos are produced.

I think Jimin knew he was going to do more music before the end of this year. He knew logistically there was no time to produce the kind of MV's that are expected for other Face songs.

"But Yoongi got an MV for every song..." Yoongi's album D-Day and its subsequent concert tour are huge undertakings, comes 3 years after D-2 and this will be it for him. He will have to enlist. He does not have time to produce another album and do promotions for it before enlistment. He blew his wad on D-Day.

We will get more from Jimin before the end of the year and before he chooses to enlist.

I digressed... back to Festa...

About the book:

"After taking their first step into the world on June 13, 2013, BTS will celebrate the 10th anniversary of their debut in June 2023. They have risen to the peak as an iconic global artist and during this meaningful time, they look back on their footsteps in the first official book. In doing so, BTS nurtures the power to build brighter days and they choose to take another step on a road that no one has gone before. BTS shares personal, behind-the-scenes stories of their journey so far through interviews and more than three years of in-depth coverage by Myeongseok Kang, who has written about K-pop and other Korean pop culture in various media. Presented chronologically in seven chapters from before the debut of BTS to the present, their vivid voices and opinions harmonize to tell a sincere, lively, and deep story. In individual interviews that have been conducted without a camera or makeup, they illuminate their musical journey from multiple angles and discuss its significance. In addition, portrait photos that show BTS as individuals and artists open the book, and throughout there are concept photos, tracklists of all previous albums, and over 330 QR codes. As digital artists, BTS has been communicating with the world through the internet and this book allows readers to immediately access trailers, music videos, and more online to have a rich understanding of all the key moments in BTS history. Complete with a timeline of all major milestones, BEYOND THE STORY is a remarkable archive―truly everything about BTS in one volume."

The HYBE mural:

This artist did a fantastic job on this hand painted mural. He used cans of spray-paint. Amazing.

(video credit)

It's been a very emotional few weeks with so much content given to us.

From BangBangCon and 5th Muster to Take Two to Jimin's performance of Letter, the dance practice videos, Suchwita with Jin, seeing all of Seoul lit up in purple, all the photos, all of the positive media coverage in Korea, Tae's jazz performance, it's been a whirlwind of gifts for us. I've never experienced anything like it before.

And thinking about this year's Festa, with all the members coming and going and scattered across the globe, doing their own thing, Joon's comment that next year, Jin-hyung will have to fill the space implies everyone else will be enlisted before next June. I am really looking forward to having Jin back with us.

Anyway... APOBANGPO!

[spiri-a]

[Podfic] The Selkie and his Boy

A Carry On podfic by @hushed-chorus for the @caught-on-tape-fest

Every year the Grimms spend a week vacationing by the seaside. One solstice morning, a 14-year-old Baz meets a strange but gorgeous boy called Simon. By the end of the day, he's hopelessly besotted. But Simon doesn't come back the next day. Or the day after. Or the day after that. Baz is left pining and dealing with a local seal that suddenly won't leave him alone. Now, exactly seven years later, Simon reappears and the two reconnect. And Baz learns that he's not the only one keeping secrets when Simon's sealskin goes missing.

Rated T / 2 hr 7 mins or 127 mins / 21,864 words

————————————————————————

My 3rd and final (and very close to the wire) podfic for the Caught On Tape Carry On Podfest! This is The Selkie and his Boy by hushed_chorus! This one's once more for Teen and Up Audiences, with each chapter around 20 mins long! Highly recommend if you want a beautifully sweet and heart-wrenchingly romantic beachside story!

My first time reading this fic was looking through the podfest catalog, and I just absolutely fell in love. I knew I had to do this one. The writing is just so good, and hushed_chorus does amazing things with their beachside setting, charming characters, and heartfelt storyline! All the sfx, including the various beach and cafe and underwater ambiances, were laborious but very much worth it!

Half proud of the cover! I was hoping to do something with both the boys in there, but in the end the seal underneath the starscape was much more within my abilities! I loved the little thing Simon has with stars, even though it's not very present in the story, so I tried to write the title in a constellation-style font! Not sure how well that turned out though!

Anyways okay okay that means I am officially done with the Caught On Tape Carry On Podfest! But despite that, I will never forget it. This podfest was the first time I've EVER posted Carry On related content, despite being in the fandom for over 2 years. I'm not big on writing (despite my best efforts) and I'm only kind of an artist, so I never felt I had anything to post. This podfest proved me wrong! It introduced me to the wonderful world of podficcing, which although I can't say for sure, I predict will be a frequent hobby of mine moving forward! Interacting with fellow Carry On fans in this fest, supporting them and (to my shock) being supported by them, has been a dream come true, and something lurker me would have fainted at! (I still need a second to recover from shock every single time I get an Ao3 notif) Anyways oops this has gone on WAY too long (I’m getting too sentimental since this is my last podfic 😭) basically the point is THANK YOU SO MUCH MODS DRE, KATI, AND JESS! This was such a wonderful ride and you guys are literally the most amazing people ever! Now without further ado please enjoy The Selkie and his Boy by hushed_chorus!

[latentspaceofficial]

ok more singing

fuck it. i was singing in the previous post and i really like singing! i come from a vocalist background but i've had issues feeling comfortable with my tenor/alto range. i'm transfem (hi i'm the transgender tag) and was afraid of submitting to a competition bc a "real girl isn't singing". i literally moved out of texas because of the state of things there. so i shelved it in 2023, didn't submit to multiverse vistas, and very cautiously picked it up in 2024. so when i revisited everything all at once, i comm'd moon jelly. while i could maybe hit the notes with a bit of straining, her voice is more comfortably in the range of herta's voice. but i wanted to share an older version of eaao where i'm singing. aeonsim26/27 feels more intimate and i had always wanted to publish this song with my voice. but i think moon jelly still did a great job at helping the song shape up as far as cadence (i gave it a very odd cadence on purpose but i didn't fit as well in later versions) and giving body to the lyrics. i didn't like her version at first but genuinely her work added so much in the late drafting phase that i changed the key last minute and just went to town having fun with the instrumental. but yeah here's a few from the many revisions as i won't be able to look at them too closely in the video i'm making.

the original, the classic with me. yes, there was a cut drop! the original motif was started out of the piano after the drop.

taking that motif, this is part of the rework/revisit from 2024. i absolutely adore this version. you can see the song starting to shape up and it's probably my favorite. it feels very pretty patterns influenced towards the end. i was listening to a lot of pretty patterns at the time and he's a general influence on my work, so that would make sense. awesome artist, who also submitted to the competition with "70047" and got (third place user vote?). it was kinda crazy hearing he was submitting an entry when i was in my last week of work on this. go check out the entry!

second? key change from the original. this one has me singing again. didn't spend a ton of time with tuning because i was going for a very loose feel and had to hurry and believe it or not i wrote the majority of the lyrics on my phone in 20 min before bed after agreeing with mj on a comm price. i don't get how my brain works!

first presentable demo with moon jelly as the featured vocalist. this is just a bit after i started laying out her takes. i unfortunately ran out of time on the competition and wasn't able to rework her takes into something more clean with less distortion. so the vocals are basically an mp3! there was some miscommunication and life stuff and i still feel really bad about that! but i think she couldn't care less in the end. idk. i'm awkward and particular about my artistic vision. qwq

the final key change before the competition version. i think i'd call this a bit of a radio edit. i forgot to unmute the metronome track ugg. i love how mellow it is, but i ultimately wanted to go for a higher energy for the competition.

but yeah it was a lot of fun working on this and i hope to make other cool story projects and especially ones where i sing! i may revisit this song at another point to make some additional versions, but other than my video breaking down the prod, i will try and not make this song the only thing i talk about. final song link for anyone who may have come from the tags instead of my following.

[oswlld]

oswlld's monthly wrap up: january

note: i am trying something a bit different this year, so bear with me as i figure out how i want to format this. i wanted to spend more time sharing what i consume, beyond what i rb, and put my thoughts in one place. these posts are okay to rb

--

The Fifth Season, N.K. Jemisin [started 11/03, finished 01/23] This was originally a dnf from 2023 that i decided to pick up again. My entry point into her work was The City We Became and fell in love with her voice. With Fifth Season, however, I felt like I loved parts of the story but didn’t fall in love with the sum of the whole. I will go more into why in the tags because it will touch on spoilers (mildly!) I still gave it 4⭐️ in storygraph. — The Moth Presents: All These Wonders, Catherine Burns [started 01/05, finished 01/31] I bought this collection from Half Price so long ago, I’ve forgotten what drew me in. Probably because of the Neil Gaiman foreword. I had not heard of The Moth so I went into this blind. Some of the stories made me wish I heard it live and feel the story breathe and beat with the audience. 4.25⭐️ in storygraph.

Flavorful Origins, Netflix [started: 09/28, finished 01/04] I watched s1/s2 in 2023 at various pts of the fall/winter. Finally wrapped up s3 in January and caught up. Unsure if its a complete series or ongoing, but I do hope to return to the series in the future if they do upload more seasons. This series reminds me of the YT channel Liziqi, where they take one ingredient and unravel the techniques and related dishes by region. A great palate cleanser amongst all the other shows I typically gravitate towards. — Last Twilight, GMMTV on YT [started 11/10, finished 01/26] The only show I watched in real time, as it premiered week by week. If I solely focus on the January episodes, for the sake of this post, I can’t say I was happy with the way the final act was handled. If I look back on the whole of it, it’s still really special to me. In fact, there are episodes that still stand as the very best in television, THE BEST. Still licking the wounds inflicted by the finale, though. — Moving, Hulu [started 01/08, finished 01/30] This lured me in by process of dash osmosis, which is the very best brand of entry pt. I am O B S E S S E D with this show, I am singing its praises! It soothed the scars left by the show Heroes. Amongst all the action sequences, espionage, and high school drama is this huge heart beating loud and strong. Lee Mihyun, the way I love youuuuu, the character you are 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼 Guys, she saved January for me.

Chevalier, Hulu [watched on 01/14] The short runtime (well, short for the current landscape of cinema) did give me pause. I think some of the emotional beats could have been deepened if given 20 more min of his involvement in the rebellion. I think I wanted the betrayal to really cut me to the bone, but it felt like a papercut. — BlacKkKlansman [watched on 1/31] At this point, I would follow John David Washington’s career to the very end. I love his natural charisma. I want to see him go thru alllll the situations and wish this movie gave him a lot more room to breathe. Laura Harrier took me by surprise, portraying the BSU president Patrice. The story came to a very mild end and felt very tame, but the suspense held its own.

Stick Season (We’ll All Be Here Forever), Noah Kahan [first time listening] I originally learned about him when I was in my Lizzy McAlpine hyperfixation last year and heard she was a feature in one of his songs. And then I discovered a duet Noah did with Hozier and knew I had to spend time this month to sit down and really digest his album. WHOA MAN, this is one of those formative moments when music perfectly aligns with my current state of being. Take that as you will. Current top 5: Come Over, Strawberry Wine, Northern Attitude, Halloween, Your Needs My Needs — Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812 [relistening] what else is there to say, this is a mandatory yearly listen when it becomes below 0 outside. When I saw this show live, it was a January date as well so this relisten really got me spiralling. These two albums got me Feeling 🧍🏻‍♀️ on my walks.

Minecraft [game, on Switch] I got this game as a christmas gift and was where I spend most of my waking hours outside of work. I enjoyed watch MC streams on twitch and knew I would enjoy playing on my own. I get it now, I am soooooo late to this game. I think and dream Minecraft. My mountain house and harbor builds? Immaculate. They basic, but immaculate. Now I’m in my fishing era, esp when I have Stick Season playing in the background (nothing else mattered when the sun was rising and the song The View Between Villages played in the bg, it was a religious experience). — Lethal Company [game, on Twitch/YT] My entire month has been hopping from one stream to another, lobby after lobby. This game is so fun to watch and witness how all the mods evolved as time went on. I don’t think I myself would play the game myself, as I am a bit of a scaredy cat, but watching my fav groups play has been a highlight.

[vaathnaos]

I got a question for you

Question: What's the hardest assignment you had to do? (School or college related)

Question: Is vaati a nickname for your profile name? (Sorry if this question sounds dumb, just curious)

Hellooo "~"

You can call me Vaati ! It’s a nickname for Vaathnaos (a username i have since like 2010)

The HARDEST, by far, assignment i had to do for my bachelor was in Enzymology. For an entire semester we had to extract, purify, and analyse one enzyme. This was a group project where 4 students were assigned an enzyme (my group’s was alcohol dehidrogenase from rabbit liver). Every week we had to prepare a protocole from home and apply it to advance the purification steps! This was fine IF WE ALL CONTRIBUTED!!! I ended up paired with the chronically high students (weed is legal here btw) so i basically had to do the research work of 4 people and then assign tasks to my team because they had NO IDEA where in the process we where… When time came for the final presentation, (after 10 weeks of hell) my colleagues finished their slides minutes before presenting (we presented 30 mins later than planned)… After all that i got a 16/20 wich i’m still salty about. Sorry for rambling but university """team work""" takes a toll on us and leaves REAL TRAUMA behind.

[deepspacedukat]

also I’m alive! I made it through the first week of the collage summer semester 9:45-4:20 (lol 420) so yeah long days and since my collage professors all had the same mindset of make the first week a light work load I’ve managed to have finished this weeks workload just before dinner. I’m probably going to at least start one of my papers due next week just because I will have 4 papers due by week three and a 7-10 min slideshow presentation due by week eight plus test and quizzes. So yeah 😫 I ask myself why I would do this to myself every day but I enjoyed having a month off instead of starting summer semester A one week after my spring semester finals ended. So I went with a crammed summer semester B.

P.s. cinder is out for revenge because I gave her a bath today and Boreal (betta) was reflecting a rainbow today after I put a plant grow light up over his tank for the aquatic plants 😋 (I also moved my snail Bee into his tank to eat algae you can see her photo bomb in the background)

Okay, I know I'm super late answering this, but I hope your college work is going well! I hope it's not as bad as you thought it would be and that you are enjoying your classes!

Aww, bless Cinder and her revenge! (Now she a clean, grumpy lil bean 💙) Boreal and Bee are looking gorgeous in this pic as usual!! I hope they're doing well!

[whentherewerebicycles]

look at this photo my mom took from the ferry… gosh I want it to be summer so bad I’m so ready. I think we have one more day of gorgeous weather and then it rains all next week 😭

I did not sleep well last night as my carpal tunnel has returned with a vengeance & I’ve developed fun new issue (cubital tunnel syndrome!). so I just have excruciating pain alternating with numbness in my entire arm on both sides all night long 🫠 I have been wearing my wrist braces and finally ordered some elbow braces to try out in hopes that immobilizing my entire arm will bring some relief. it’s wild to me how much pain that little bit of nerve compression can cause!! then I wake up and it’s an hour or two before I can properly grip anything without wanting to cry. wahhh ok just have to remind myself I’m having a very easy pregnancy all things considered and this might be my big Painfully Uncomfortable Symptom.

today is very light on meetings again hurrah. I might try to spend some time working outside to soak up the sun while it’s here. here’s the list:

shower/get ready

breakfast with my parents before they leave

11-12 grants meeting with food bank

revise grant application

email faculty group to set up initial meeting

resolve comments in proposal doc

email FA about advisor panel

watch presentations workshop and take notes for my version—keep it simple

set a timer and spend 20-30 min working on mentorship workshop (I just need to chip away at this a little at a time)

meet with CB

grocery run

hockey game at 4 (listen while walking dogs)

actually cook dinner (maybe something with roasted veggies)

[one-hell-of-otaku-is-here]

Listen I have to say it. On Friday I have the last part of interview where I am tested to present myself teaching two 3 and 6 year olds for cca 30 min... whatever happens immediately after I am treating myself to Lidl's mochi box (if I find them, otherwise anything sweet I'd find).

Reminder: pamper yourself sometimes you only live once

If I succeed I'll get low paid job 20 hour a week but I'll finally have a job (for a while)

[middleagerunblog]

XVII.

Week 2 Recap

Exercise:

Sun Dec 17 - walked 10,000 steps on a travel day

Mon Dec 18 - 11:03a, outdoors near home, 3 mi, 30:40, 10:11 pace

Tue Dec 19 - 6:07a, outdoors near home, 30 min tempo run, 10 min easy/15 min acceleration/5 min easy, working out to 3.25 mi, 9:13 pace

Wed Dec 20 - 6:11a, outdoors near home, 3 mi, 30:44, 10:13 pace

Thu Dec 21 - rest

Fri Dec 22 - 6:22a, outdoors near home, 3 mi pace run, 4.5 mi total, 1 mi easy, next 3 at 8:20/8:47/8:37, then 0.5 mi easy

Sat Dec 23 - 9:02a, outdoors home to Econ Wilderness Area and back, 6 mi, 1:01:54, 10:17 pace

Diet:

Rough start to the week, Sunday was final day of soccer tournament 2.5 hours from home, crappy eating all around that bled into the next few days. Rallied for strong Wednesday and Thursday, then Friday was what Fridays can be during the holidays, and honestly Saturday could be graded more harshly but I went easy on myself.

So I followed up last week's B+/B performance with a B-/C+ result this week. 2.81 EGPA after 2 weeks, need a 3.38 performance in week 3 to get to 3.0 B average for the first quarter.

Alcohol for the week - no 6 in one day like last week, but I had 2 drinks 4 times: Sun, Mon, Fri, Sat. So that makes 8 for the week, over one per day average for the week. Makes 14 total, averaging 1 per day through 2 weeks. Maybe I'll make a chart for this in future weeks too, something to visualize me doing better here going forward.

Weigh-in:

Did my second weigh-in on Friday, 191.1, so up 0.2 in a week. I mean, not great, would love to be able to lose weight in the first half of this 12-week program. But then the holidays are right here at the beginning, so I don't know what to think here. I still have another holiday week coming, so let's see how next week goes. Going to keep pushing forward here. Getting down to low 180s may not be possible, but mid 180s still is.

Music:

New version of "Last Christmas" I heard this year:

I'm sort of a "Last Christmas" aficionado so it's difficult to find an old version I haven't heard before, but here's a version I don't think gets enough play:

And of course an old version, the best version, the original:

Rereading:

I thought I'd have more quotes from this book to base blog posts around. The first time reading this book, I remember so many interesting passages seemed like jumping off points for my thoughts about life and running. Alas, there's only been 3 in 2 weeks I've used thus far.

Still rereading slowly this time around to pair with the blog, I read chapters 6-11 the past week. Kafka and Oshima discus Franz Kafka short stories during this stretch. During my first runthrough, I did pause and read In the Penal Colony. I ought to reread that, plus read a few others if I need more to read over the next 10 weeks.

In a flashback it's revealed that although 15 of 16 kids in the Rice Bowl Hill incident back in WW2 recovered after 2 hours with no lasting damage, Nakata, the 16th, didn't wake up for 2 weeks, and remembered nothing of his life, not his parents, not that he was in Japan or even on earth. The formerly bright student was a shell of his former self.

In present day, Nakata is a slow-witted adult that can talk to cats. He lives in Tokyo, subsisting off a government subsidy plus a side hustle, putting his special talent to work finding lost cats. One Siamese cat tells him his shadow is weak, stop chasing cats and look for the other half of his shadow. But he learns that a scary man has been kidnapping cats in a vacant lot nearby, so Nakata decides to check there. The Siamese cat warns him the world is a violent place. Nakata doesn't understand.

In Takamatsu, Kafka keeps up his routine of staying at the hotel, working out at the gym, then reading at the library for 7 consecutive days. The next day he wakes up in the middle of the night next to a shrine in part of town he doesn't recognize with someone else's blood on his clothes. He takes a cab to Sakura's and spend the night there. He comes clean about everything going on his life, the running away, etc. Except he leaves out the part that he senses some sort of omen.

They lie in bed together. She says she has a boyfriend, she views Kafka as a younger brother, but she--um--jerks him off, then he goes back to his sleeping bag. She goes to work, and he leaves a note, telling her he needs to leave to figure things out for himself.

[sebastiangrad604]

Week 8 in Class Activity sheet 1

These exercises are designed to prompt you to think critically about your current selection of elements and the graphic system used to both classify and communicate them to an audience in your final poster design.

Use these exercises to develop and refine your element selections and categorisations through analysis, reflection and discussion, and make timely and appropriate changes if needed.

This critical thinking also extends to researching, developing and testing possible graphic systems to collate and most effectively and efficiently communicate this set of elements.

You might also like to think of yourself as a kind of curator: selecting, grouping and interpreting elements and the stories they might tell, individually and collectively. How might curators' approach this in developing an exhibition structure, publication format, compilation, website, image sequence, playlist, campaign, etc? What is your overall strategy?

Demonstrate how the elements tell stories about you and offer opportunities to nurture links with relevant creative communities. It is recommended you also re-read the assignment brief.

Task 1: Individually [10 mins]

Group your current selection of elements into relevant categories.

This should be for all 20 elements to be included in your final assessment, or as many elements as you have at present. You can always add and/or edit some of the elements in response to this exercise.

Name your categories in terms of the main defining feature: e.g., “Tools I use in my design work” or

“Possessions of personal significance which influence my design practice”

Some elements may be categorised in several different ways at once, such as the above example (a tool might also have personal significance and an important ‘back story’, etc…)

Categorise graphically and/or in text form below and overleaf.

Projects worked on – self made category? Could do one labelled inspirational?

Familial connections Stamps, Cards

Process/materiality Lead type, tablet pen, animators survival guide, Fungi stand, camera,

Books that mean something to me warriors, Gideon, Hunger games (might swap for pjo), beetle and the hollowbones

interests warriors zines, mushroom zines, cat figurine, Nintendo 3ds, dnd dice,

connections to other artists Bird bag, Axolotl, custom furby, Keychains

Very personal conceptual stuff Trans flag, trans/lgbt iconography in general, persona (also crossover with connections to others and interests)

Tutorial Worksheet | Task 2

Student Name: Sebastian Hardenbol

Task 2: Individually [10-15 mins]

Analyse your categories themselves.

Reflect on and respond to the ideas and questions below.

Typology

Typology could be broadly defined as the study of types, or the systematic classification of the types of something according to their common characteristics. Typology involves acts of finding, counting and classifying facts (or elements, etc.) with the help of the eyes, other senses and logic.

Write and/or draw your responses below and overleaf.

As a designer/creative, you could also explore creative, visual and non-logical methods to create new typologies, if consistent with your strategy. E.g., do you notice half the elements are pink in colour or hand-crafted? Is this interesting, helpful, or offer opportunities or limitations worth considering?

This is an interesting idea, I had not considered non logical methods when creating my typologies, if I were to go back and consider some common categories I could extrapolate from my items I think it would look something like this:

Hand-crafted, paper, digital, abstract/conceptual.

What do your current categories tell you about the elements contained in them?

I think the current categories were trying to describe the personal connections to myself in a way especially categories like familial, interests, books that mean something to me.

What underpins your categorisations? Are the elements grouped by a key characteristic, material or medium – or something else? e.g. typography, fluid type, poster design, etc?

Most are categorised by a key characteristic or usage.

Are some of your categories defined by author/maker, origin, use or idea? Or something else?

Kind of, the books kind of are and the other artists ones are defined by origin/maker in a way.

What do you these categories tell you about your selection methods, influences and biases?

I think it leans towards my influences a little like especially in spots like books that are important to me and connections to other artists.

What might these categories tell you about you as an individual, and your design practice?

Your answer here.

Interest in connections to things.

When seen together, what story do these elements and their categorisation tell an audience?

Your answer here.

I think they to a degree speak to an overview and categorisation of myself as a person, the categories might be a little basic and give an idea of what im interested in, what I use etc. I may need to get a little more conceptual with my categorisation.

Tutorial Worksheet | Task 3

Student Name:

Task 3. Discussion in pairs [15-20 mins]

Share your responses with a partner. Ask questions, give and receive constructive feedback.

Consider your (and your partner’s) overall approach, and specific strategies and choices. Imagine you are a consultant offering professional advice, and the one receiving it.

Consider these prompts.

Write and/or draw your responses below and overleaf.

Does your re-examination of typologies and approaches to classification suggest changes? Do all the elements fit in one category? Should they? Is this coherent or is it limiting?

Your answer here. Could be limiting.

Does a category need be added? Or removed?

Your answer here. Might need to remove? 5 categories seem like they could be a lot

Would a category operate more effectively with more, less or different elements?

Your answer here. I think the categories as they are right now are fairly effective.

Should some elements be reclassified?

Your answer here. Maybe? Books especially I was slightly uncertain about where to put some of them

Are some elements a better fit for the category than the one you’ve selected? Or does the categorisation need adapting to foreground the unique importance of the element?

Your answer here.

Are there blind spots in your selection, editing or approach?

Your answer here.

Connecting/linking categories, themed? 

Provide 2 positives (what is working well), 2 ‘work ons’ (key areas for development), and 2 questions for your partner to consider.

Tutorial Worksheet | Task 4

Student Name:

Task 4: Individually, pairs or small groups [10-15mins]

Analysis and development of your graphic system.

What does all this analysis, reflection and discussion suggest for the graphic system you are currently using to communicate your set of elements and their potential stories and meanings?

Describe the concept of your graphic system and how it works in practice. Consider the relationship between the form of the graphic system and the contexts of the elements (and their classification, and potential stories and meanings).

Consider these prompts.

Write and/or draw your responses below and overleaf.

Is the graphic system coherent? Overall, would it make sense to someone with no knowledge of you, your design work and chosen elements?

Your answer here.

I haven’t started looking at the graphic system yet, I need to begin to look at this.

Is it effective?

Your answer here.

Is it efficient?

Your answer here.

Is it clear, concise and compelling?

Your answer here.

Is it the most appropriate design solution for your selected elements, and categories or classifications systems? What other graphic systems could you research and experiment with?

Your answer here.

uncertain

Does it speak to your preferences and strengths as a designer?

Your answer here.

I hope what I land on will. I want to do something illustrated so it speaks to my preferences and my strength in illustration

Does it take a unique approach to the assignment reflective of you as an individual?

Your answer here.

How does it create appropriate connections with relevant creative communities?

Your answer here.

Looking to include items from others that they have created which represents my current community

[toonerdyandiknowit]

Rant about chronic illness and drs.

Does anyone else get frustrated when they feel like drs aren’t listening to you because what you’re saying and what they’re seeing don’t match?

I saw a neurologist last year to ask for a reference for a mental health specialist that wouldn’t take me without a neurology referral (originally a gp referred me).

I talked the neurologist through my medical history, and told him exactly what I wanted to happen.

He asked me “have you heard of FND coz it sounds like you have FND”.

That was the ONLY mention of FND he made. He didn’t explain it, didn’t ask if I’d like to look into treatment options. Nothing.

My referral comes through that I have a zoom meeting with a psychiatrist, YAY.

Turns out it was 30 patients and 1 dr on the meeting coz it was a presentation not a 1-1. I wasn’t told this.

I finally get to the 1-1 and the FND team kind of…brushes over my frustration? They all agree I’ve got all the hallmarks of FND so the mental health crisis I originally asked about is just being ignored?

THEN they go through my medical history and basically say that every doctor I’ve ever seen was wrong.

But not them. They’re right. They give a whole presentation on how FND only has a 0.5% misdiagnosis rate so they’re obviously right.

THEN they ask me about day to day life, and when I mention that I always track how far I’ve gone and how far I need to travel to get back home…they decide that means I’m agoraphobic? And start asking pointed questions about “why are you afraid to go out? Why are you so convinced something bad will happen if you go out alone?”

Like. No. Not what I said. I said “if I go out alone, I recognise that it’s my responsibility to get myself home. So IF something goes wrong I need to have a BACK UP PLAN so I’m not always calling people for help. For example, if I’m going for a walk and I know I’m having a fatigue flare up, I won’t go much further than a 20 minute walk away, because I know I also have to walk 20 minutes back. But if I hit the 20 mins and feel ok, I might go another 20, I just keep in mind it will then take me 40 mins to get back…”

That’s not fear. I don’t avoid going out coz “what if I get tired” I just plan for it so I’m not stuck up shit creek without a paddle IF something goes wrong?? And they acted like that was unreasonable.

I had to explain this 3 times 3 different ways before they got it. And then they asked me “do you feel that you explain things well and other people don’t understand, but that it’s a problem with them not you”.

…

In this specific instance? Yeah. Coz at no point did I say “I’m afraid to go out” or “I don’t go out”. But when it was clear that they didn’t understand what I was saying I EXPLAINED IT DIFFERENTLY.

I’ve got 3 more weeks of this and I’m just starting to feel really gaslit. Like I know therapy, especially intense rehab like this, isn’t meant to be a comfortable experience but is it meant to make you feel this shit?

More below but just to get it out of my head:

I told them about an SA I went through in 2018 and when I told them I only came to terms with it when my MIL agreed that it was an SA, they all started saying “oh well maybe it wasn’t an SA it was just an ‘uncomfortable experience’ since you didn’t think it was an SA until she said it was, sounds like she influenced your opinion” …

So I told them the details I’d told my MIL and they looked horrified. And agreed that ok yeah sounds like SA.

They tried, without any details of the event, to convince me that I’d just said it was SA coz I’d been told so.

When actually, it’s because I’ve had my own safety and comfort ignored by my family for so long that I genuinely can’t always tell when someone’s crossed a line. I’ll know how I feel about it, but I’m “sensitive” and “childish” and “dramatic” so maybe it wasn’t a big deal. Until someone else took me seriously.

I told the CBT that I thrive in routines but cannot put myself into them. Like I need a fixed time point to build around that I myself cannot alter otherwise I just can’t make a routine.

So doing uni from home? I had a great routine! First lecture at 10? Ok up at 6, walk the dog at 7, have breakfast at 8, revision at 9, then first lecture starts!

Home with no work? Ok so I should clean, and walk the dog. Those are my two tasks. But they’re not fixed so they can be done whenever. So I don’t wake up until 1. And my mental health goes to shit because I CANT MAKE MYSELF A ROUTINE WITHOUT A FIXED POINT.

Her response “well you have to so you have to try.”

I mention that I’d asked my fiancée several times to wake me when she gets up to try and help kick start my day, but she would always say “but you look so tired. You must need the sleep.”

CBTs response “why is it her responsibility to get you up? You’re an adult. Get yourself up you obviously can”. So yeah. Loving that chunk of guilt.

And finally. I explained. Multiple times. “Breathing exercises make me light headed and more anxious and mindfulness exercises just make me panic more”.

“We’ll just try it. You need to try it until you find one that works for you. It’s really good just do it.”

I didn’t pull this feeing out of my arse. I tried these things FOR YEARS BECAUSE PEOPLE SAID THEY WERE GOOD. I hate them. It makes me feel so so so much worse.

I explained this to the PT who said ok then put on a video which was literally everything I said doesn’t work for me. And then looked shocked when I said I felt more anxious than when I started. That I didn’t like it. That it probably stems from a bad experience with it in the past and now it’s actually an anxiety trigger.

Her response to that was “well look around and see if you can find a version that works for you, because it really is good for you. Unfortunately there’s no “one size fits all” so you’ll have to look around”

I mean. I was under the impression that your were here to provide me with the alternative tools but go off I guess.

…

Like I’ve got 3 more weeks, that’s 6 sessions, of this. And I’m starting to not want to go already.

[lukowrites]

Week 8, day 6 - 20 min freewrite!

(Last one! Thank you Tim Clare, sincerely, I feel more alive thanks to these exercises, I loved it, I love writing now and I won’t stop. You’ve helped me unlock something in myself that gives me such joy, something that doesn’t require anything but my own thoughts, helping me channel and refine them, to see things within myself and in the world in a whole new way with more colour and splendor than I could have imagined. I’m addicted, and I won’t stop until I create something beautiful. I’ve never been much of a creative, but I can feel the artist in me coming out and it’s magical. I owe you one buddy. Thank you so much.)

Timclarepoet.co.uk/couchto80kwritingbootcamp – For anyone interested in getting started with, or refining their writing.

The shelf contained a litany of objects, from the most banal and recognizable: a snow globe, a pair of gardening gloves with dirt-stained fingertips, a cashew nut with a few tiny crumbs - to the most curious and strange: a hollowed out circular piece of wood with a hole in the middle, a purple ring with a thing red ribbon tied around it in a tight knot, and finally, the most curious of all, the book of wonders, as it was titled. If you open the navy blue, glittering book to the first page you’ll notice in bold green lettering a grand warning in ancient text, which when translated reads “Behold, the book of wonders! Creations of the past, present and future, a realm of infinite possibilities contained within. Careful what you wish for!” I found this book by chance one day, in the way all magical things happen to occur. I had been walking through the woods and noticed a clearing in the shape of a heart, when up in the sky there was a formation of red stars dancing around in the shape of an upside-down triangle. The lowest star began to descend, before coming closer and closer, I sheltered from it behind a nearby tree and CRASH!

In the newly formed crater in the centre of the heart, resting upon a beautiful cream-coloured pillow made of a material softer than anything I’d ever felt, was the book. I took the book and placed it in my backpack, along with the pillow, and went home.

Coming home late, I fell asleep upon the pillow, the softness comforting me and sending me to sleep so deeply I did not wake for 14 hours. In my dream, I heard a voice, which told me not to open the book until the 22nd of February, and I heeded it, feeling gratitude and respect to whatever power had bestowed this upon me. I felt that none of this was coincidence. But today, the 22nd of February, I opened it with glee.

The second page, filled me with joy. I cried a stream of tears at the sight, beauty like nothing ever seen in my lifetime. There on the page was a video of me as a young boy, my parents holding my hands on either side of me, swinging me about as we walking through the fairgrounds. Their faces beaming, looking at each other with love, looking at me with the same love, I felt I was in the arms of angels. I turned the page, there I was again, in the future, an old man, surrounded by my friends and loved ones, on my deathbed, but I was not afraid, or scared. Eager to see more, I turned the page again, this time I saw a woman and though I’d never seen her before, I felt a sense of closeness to her, of love and affection like nothing else I’d ever experienced. This was my soulmate, a woman of such warmth and kindness, kissing me on the cheek while I beamed in pure bliss. I wanted this all very badly. The feelings swelling within my heart, making me giddy with anticipation. I turned the page again, and… Nothing. A blank page, albeit for a single line that said “My name is Yves Gallardo, and I wonder…” with a space for me to write.

I retrieved my black ballpoint from my desk, knocking things over in excitement, and returned to the book to write down my thoughts. “I wonder… How I can become as full of life and happiness as the images have shown.”

Just then, the room changed.