#i hate tuna irl

[madaqueue]

tuna

m-mayo 😃

[half-a-brain-cell]

Obx season 4 thoughts 🫰🏻

Let me talk about JJPOPE first

- Jjpope building shit together and jj saying i love u pope will always get me

- Pope saying they need to get more for the amulet and john b saying youve been hanging out with jj too much where IS that post saying they bring out the worst in each other

- Jj saying "i love you pope just say it back" istg jjpope everywhere for those with the eyes to see

- Pope tackling the cop bc he is afraid he is going to shoot jj I AM LITERALLY CRYING they are going to jail for each other

- "what about pope huh he just threw his whole life away for you" ugh ugh ugh and jj saying "my life is already over in the first place"

- Jj punching rafe and everyone going what the fuck and then pope saying "if he wasn't gonna do it i was gonna do it".... Chaos boyfriends forever

- Jj telling pope he shouldve let the cops shoot him bye

- Someone on twitter said jj dies in popes shirt i haven't known peace since

- Pope telling jj "let me protect you for once" i am crying actual tears AND THAT LOOK THEY EXCHANGE BEFORE THEY SEPARATE I FELL TO MY KNEES AND THAT IS THE LAST TIME THEY EVER SEE EACH OTHER ARE YOU KIDDING ME

Speaking of that terrible storyline

- I never cared about the alleged cast drama bc those are real people and their personal lives are none of my business but it is so sad that (apparently) jiara is such a sad ship (like jjpope is NAWT canon and they get much cuter moments) and jj is dead bc of it

Speaking of JJ

- it absolutely breaks my fucking heart to see him even more reckless, to see him drinking, to see him slipping away from everyone, to see him telling john b he will be a shit dad???? And then he saves sarah and he gets better and then HE DIES after saying "I already have everything i ever wanted" even though Groff already has the crown????

Speaking of Groff

- most unlikeable character to date (and there are so many lol, I am looking at u Ruthie), can't believe they gave JJ two shitty dads

- Luke can also rot in hell and his brief "redemption arc" was utter bullshit, so he loved Larissa and her baby but he went on to abuse that child???

Speaking of redemption arcs

- they should've cast someone less hot and less talented as rafe bc why the hell is his evil ass getting a redemption arc? Get him therapy instead!! The only good thing he ever did was throw groff into that well

- the milf hitting on him was funny tho

- i am also screaming at the scene where sofia overhears rafe saying shit like i am not living with a pogue i have standards that is like every fanfiction everrrrr

- last but not least why is he so ORANGE

My favorite quotes bc sometimes obx is still the silly little boat show it was supposed to be

- "AI has come a long way" JJ i am cryinggg

- barry saying "idk why i need that cool shit when i'm in the middle of tuna season" KING

- "i got a phd in thiefology" LMAO

- not a quote but Shoupe interrogating them is so silly that is peak pogue behaviour

Speaking of our silly little boat show

- Once again i love jj and john b they are BROTHERS

- I get so emotional watching this idek but john b really is their stupid dad which makes Sarah their mum that being said i HATE the pregnancy trope esp when she said she didn't want kids

- i do love Jarah tho, you wouldn't believe they are exes irl, like Kiara's being beaten uncounscious by groff, jj is locked in his familys mausoleum, pope is on the run and John b and Sarah are like 🩷let's get married🩷 REAL LOVERS

- Sorry but the boss of the bad guys having such an intense english accent is so fucking funny to me what do you mean INNIT you're in north carolina

- gentrification is a huge and REAL topic and ngl i was actually crying when these greedy kooks took poguelandia away from them

Idk man, in conclusion, they had poguelandia and they could've all been happy and i will never get over this 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

[yourfavepookiebear]

Introduction (again 😭)

Requests: open (?)

I'm currently less active since I have exams coming up, so I'd rather answer any requests once my exams have passed. I'm gonna post my WIP soon, I just have to finish it first

Again, my only side account is @thepookiestpookiebear

Request Rules :

Character limit : generally 4 unless it's a group

I don't write incest, racist, homophobic, or that kinda stuff

Uhh I don't have much rules

I can write yandere stuff, I can also write self aware stuff

I write for twisted wonderland and genshin impact, and maybe tokyo revengers too !

And that's all, moving on :

Feel free to chat, I LOVE MAKING FRIENDS and i love talking/chatting ❤

If you don't like my works, just ignore them. If you don't like my account, block me. If I offend you somehow, either ignore me or block me.

I don't argue with people (most of the time)

I'm a pacifist, I have a teeny weeny wittle tiny eety beety bitty bit of anger issues

I haven't made a masterlist yet bc I don't know how to sorry

Do not steal my works, they are mine. Do not do anything with my works unless I consent to it, please. Don't copy !

Pookie, come and have some chai with me ♡♧ (or some coffee if that's what you prefer idk)

Hi pookies! I'm a beginner fic writer. I write for twisted wonderland, self aware twisted wonderland, and a slight bit of genshin impact, but mostly sagau. I'm a ✨FaLLeN AnGeL✨ /HJ SORRY 😞

My pronouns are she/her

I'm half European half Asian (specifically middle-eastern asian) my first language is French and my second language is English (chronologically), oh and I can speak in total 3-4 languages.

Edit: I have a lot of names and nicknames, so you can call me whatever you'd like, but here is a list of what most people call me, both online and irl :

Jess

Pookie

Pookie bear

Bear

KitKat

Jessica (rarely)

Cathy

Cath/Cat

Catastrophe (a nickname my previous classmates used to give me)

Sometimes even Catharina, or Catherine/Katherine

In conclusion, I have a lot of names and nicknames, so just call me whatever you'd prefer to call me, I just gave that list so maybe you'd have an idea.

Sometimes I'm dumb sometimes I'm smart, it all depends and varies.

I'm a girl, bisexual + greysexual (basically a biromantic greysexual). I'm a huge simp -> (edit: sometimes), and I like cute things.

I LOVE CATS

requests are almost always open pookies

Proud member of the pookie nation.

I will call u pookie or pookie bear no matter who or what you are.

I'm a pisces, my birthmonth is March. I'm not a huge fan of astrology but I do like astronomy tho

Subjects/topics I like:

Fashion, modeling, models.

Astronomy

Biology

Physics

Chemistry

Science (general base)

Philosophy (self-explanatory)

Edit : Sometimes history/SS too

Things I like/LOVE:

Vacuum cleaners ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤💖💞 (love of my life <33333333333333)

Food (everything except some seafood and mushrooms)

Cats (self-explanatory)

Cute things (self-explanatory)

Animals

Social media (sometimes, depends on the type)

My friends

My (new) classmates

My old school

Fast-food (KFC especially, OMFG I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN WINGS AND OML FRIED SPICY CHICKEN WINGSSS <333)

Chicken nuggets

Dried bacon

Bacon and eggs

Scrambled eggs

FRIED CHICKEN

Sandwhiches

Hotdogs

Riceballs

Tuna fish cans (canned tuna fish 🔛🔝)

Basically any food

Chocolate, ex : chocolate cakes, chocolate milkshakes, chocolate bars, chocolate tablets

Nutella/chocolate milkshakes

Writing (depends, sometimes)

Dancing

Ducks (And he waddled away waddle waddle waddle 🥲.)

CARS

Motorcycles

MONEY (no need to explain)

My extra-curricular classes (kinda, sometimes I also hate them 😞)

Uh, a Lotta things, I'm just too lazy to write all of it (it would take hours)

Music too

My personality type:

I'm ambiverted actually so it depends, so idk.

Edit: I'm an INTP pookies

Little details about me:

I could talk about food for hours. (It's one of the only things I like more than astronomy and money.)

I can't focus for too long.

I have a wild imagination (not in a bad way tho)

I love mostly everything, except for a few people/things that I still hold grudges to. (For a good reason tho).

I have a super packed schedule most of the time, it's mainly cuz I go to 2 schools at the same time, along with extracurricular classes, and both school's homeworks, and school projects

My hobbies:

Horseriding

Rockclimbing

Hiking

Writing (sometimes)

Reading

Studying (only rarely)

Jogging (but mostly cycling)

Track running

Cycling (every day, except for when I'm sick or not in form)

I don't like:

Judgemental people

Sh*t-talkers

People who have massive egos

Roaches

Spiders

Dirtyness

Dirty people

Dust

Unsanitary people

Dirty food

Dirty water

Unhygienic people

People who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom.

Some things you should probably know if you're one of my mutuals:

2. Also not that inportant, but I try to be nice to people because they already have enough problems and I don't need/want to be one of them. Sometimes though I may be rude or mean on accident, srry.

3. I LOVE ALL OF MY MOOTS ♡♡♡

4. Also not important but I don't really think much before subscribing to someone, if I see a random stranger on the internet who has good humor, then I'll hit the plus button. Sometimes though it can be troublesome, since i don't really check people's bios.

ALSO this is my beloved creature that I found on the streets on a snowy day, it's my best friend now @farfarurfav

I'm in a lot of fandoms, mainly Twisted Wonderland, Genshin impact, Attack on Titan, Jujustu Kaisen, Honkai Impact, Honkai Star Rail, Sailor Moon, Naruto, Boruto, Assassination Classroom, Spy x Family, KNY, Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken/ That time I reincarnated as a slime, Obey me, Dark Fall, Etc etc and also I'm a manga, manhua, manhwa, and anime enjoyer and I also know some webtoons too !

ONLY Side account : @thepookiestpookiebear

Must read to navigate through my blog :

Tags :

See "#yourfavepookiebear" for anything related to me !

See "#pookiebear rants" for whatever rants I've posted !

See "#pookie talks" for me talking with people or just chatting and stuff like that

See "#thepookiestwrites" for some of my newest works !

For now these are the only tags I'll introduce.

for all the dividers ! ⬇️

Oh btw @cafekitsune , love your stuff

[rscroogedraws]

Here are a couple of my favorite (not too spoiler-ific) scenes from a couple of my in-progress fan fics.

I've had an uphill battle with bad writer's block and inconsistency with any kind of creative fiction for the past several years now. It hurt having such a hard time with that since I've wanted to become some kind of fiction author since I was six and I used to actively write analyses for YouTube stuff. So the fact I've eked out a couple chapters for each of these feels like a huge accomplishment to me.

I appreciate all of the feedback or interest I've gotten for pretty much any of my projects over the past year or so. Seriously, even if you're just leaving a like, it's made a difference to me knowing someone enjoyed my work enough to take a second to interact with them in that kind of capacity.

A03 is down for maintenance at the time I'm posting. I'll update these with links once they're back up later today or tomorrow.

Edit: Links have been added!

Not Quite an Elevator Pitch

O.K. K.O. Let's Be Heroes! Fan Fic

Synopsis: Professor Venomous is back in Lakewood Plaza Turbo! He thought returning would be as easy as move back into Boxmore and start attacking the Plaza. Instead, he's not quite sure what to do next and is trying to find himself. Then he gets stuck in an elevator with someone unexpected and they give him a much-needed reality check.

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56784448/chapters/144365029

Snippet from Ch. 2: Definitely Not Silver Spark

When Venomous awoke the next morning, he was surprised he slept at all. He wandered into the living room and read 9:08 AM on the digital oven clock. That was a personal achievement after the last week or so of staying up until 4:00 AM, hanging in there long enough to pull together a bare bones breakfast and box lunch for Fink, and then crashing until 5 or 6 before Fink returned from school or Boxmore.

He padded into the kitchen as he mentally cataloged notes to send with Fink on why she was late as well as easy but actually nutritious lunches to send with her. So much of him hated that he’d relied on Snackables so much the past few days. He kept imagining an okay-ish tuna sandwich next to flimsy cardboard packaging with crackers, dubious lunch meat, plastic cheese, and radioactive colored candy. Fink loved it. She bragged that her friends were jealous with a big grin on her face. That was now. What kind of look would she give him when she was in her early 30’s and remembered that he knew how to competently cook but opted for shortcuts instead?

That train of thought wasn’t even needed. Today was Saturday. Fink said she’d be gaming. Then Venomous found a note attached to the fridge: Hey Boss! The tournament got rescheduled. So I���m helping Raymond and Shannon raid a cruise liner today! They have lobster. I’ll make sure to bring home leftovers.

A mix of hurt and pride panged through Venomous. Previously, Fink asked to join him on every villainous caper, business trip, or big event. Lately, if she wasn’t gaming with friends, she was hanging out with her step-siblings or new friends somewhere “irl.” She still said hi, let him know where she was going, and kept a generally friendly rapport. After the horror stories Venomous heard from other parents about teenagers, that had to mean something. Fink was just starting to enter her teenage years though. There was still time for heLinkr to develop resentment towards him.

That’s probably how K.O. felt right now. He had every reason to hate PV and never talk to him again. That’d been earned. Very painfully earned. The part of him that still gripped his head on straight with little ribbons of hot glue and sticky tack knew he should leave all of that alone. The part of him that was itching to throw back a full bottle of absinthe before 11:00 in the morning was making a beeline for his phone.

He’d dialed the number before stronger self-control would have stopped him.

“...hello?” Silver Spark’s voice drifted in from the other line. “Carol speaking. Sorry for not recognizing your number. I think it’s been long enough since we exchanged numbers I don’t remember. Who is this?”

“…Lase-Professor Venomous.” He swallowed heavily and felt like he’d been hit by an intense bolt of lightning. “Professor Venomous.”

“Um...oh. Ahm, okay.” She didn’t sound completely upset but her tone wasn’t as pleasant as before either. “Did you need something for paperwork?”https://archiveofourown.org/works/56784448/chapters/144365029

“….no.”

“Okay….” Carol cleared her throat. “We got all of your child support payments. If that’s what you were calling about. Everything on that front has been smooth sailing.”

“Good.” Venomous stared intensely at the nearest kitchen counter. There was a marbling pattern over everything he hadn’t noticed before.

“Yeah….” Impatience was starting to creep into Carol’s tone.

“I’m sorry.” The words just tumbled out. “I’m sorry….about everything.”

It felt like time itself stopped. If the oven clock digital display wasn’t flashing, Venomous would have started entertaining the thought of a time wizard or a highly-advanced lizard creature with space-time warping powers crawling around the apartment. Almost two agonizing minutes passed. Carol’s breathing on the other end of the phone became a little strained.

“Are you okay?” Of course he had to follow up dropping an emotional bomb with an equally stupid foot-in-mouth comment.

“Professor Venomous,” Carol said with a slight stutter. “I-If we’re talking about this, I’d rather do it in person.”

“I...understand.” He felt his heart start fluttering around his rib cage like a hummingbird desperately trying to break free.

****

Our Beloved Docktor Frogg

League of Super Evil Fan Fic with some O.K. K.O.! crossover references

Synopsis: Docktor Frogg is starting to feel stagnant towards his overall life and career as a mad scientist. He wonders if the grass is greener somewhere else working for someone other than Voltar the Saturday morning cartoon flop.

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56704720/chapters/144145309

Snippet from Part II: Sandwich Artist Gene

“Can I take your order?” The waitress’ voice was familiar but Frogg couldn’t quite place why.

“Lizzy?” Frogg immediately shot up at Voltar’s excited tone of voice. “It’s been awhile! How are you?”

“It’s Elizabeth, Voltar.” Lightning Liz, sans her trademark yellow exo-suit, stood behind the counter in a light blue polo shirt, washed out capris, a black apron, and a nametag with her name written in the same crude scrawl as the sign out front. It’d been a few years since Frogg had seen Liz in person instead of the newspaper or videos on various news sites. So it floored him a bit how much older she was now. Didn’t she just graduate from high school not too long ago?

He remembered Voltar gushing about Liz graduating as class salutatorian as if she was his younger sister.

“I’m doing great!” Liz continued with a small and genuine smile. “You got the invite for Tiff and I’s wedding, right? You better RSVP. Soon.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Voltar flapped his hand. “I saw the many, many links for your wedding registry. I haven’t RSVP’d yet because I’m working on getting that-”

“Don’t tell me what you ordered! It’ll ruin the surprise.” Liz squealed. “I have something fantastic in mind for your birthday later this year too. You better keep that day open if you know what’s good for you.”

“I have it marked on my planner. Whole day is open.”

“Good.”

“So, we have this coupon….” Voltar pointed towards Red and not so subtly shifted his gaze towards the thin strip of paper in Red’s big hand.

“Yeah, yeah.” Liz returned the sass Voltar dished out less than a minute ago. “So, I’m getting the vegan sandwich for him.” She pointed at Red. “An extra meaty sandwich for him with extra provolone cheese.” She pointed at Frogg. “And you want the meatball sub with the works?”

At that, Voltar gasped and his antennae started shaking with his excitement. “You guys have that extra spicy mustard?!”

“Of course!” Liz nodded, but her cheerful disposition immediately turned sour. “I skimmed the 4-page essay you sent me about it.”

When Voltar whooped and started doing a victory dance in the middle of the restaurant, Frogg visibly shuddered and looked around Red to see if any other stools were open.

“You’ll be happy to know you’re not the only one that has a weird fascination with that mustard.” Liz sighed. “There was a weird woman in here the other day raving about it too.”

“From now on, I’m the only one getting that mustard here!” Voltar declared with an anime gesture fist to the air. “I get exclusive rights to it. Exclusive.”

“I still think you’re the only one that actually likes it,” Frogg said. “I don’t-”

“Don’t. Get. Him. Started.” Liz jabbed a finger in Frogg’s face for emphasis on each word and matched the points with a warning glare.

“How did you know what sandwiches we wanted?” Red tilted his head. “Are you psychic?”

“No.” Liz placed her hands on her hips. “Voltar writes about you guys on his blog.”

“You have a blog….” Frogg scratched his scalp. The past 5 minutes had revealed a lot about a side of Voltar that Frogg didn’t know much about, except for the spicy mustard obsession. Metrotown might not know that L.O.S.E. existed but random strangers definitely knew how particular Voltar was about his condiments.

“It’s not a blog! It’s supposed to be a newsletter…” Voltar grumbled.

“I told you that Zitter would get more reach,” Liz said with a self-satisfied smirk.

“I’m hungry. Can we place our orders now?” Voltar deliberately looked anywhere but Liz’s face.

“SANDWICH ARTIST GENE!” Liz yelled. “Order up!”

That’s when a painfully familiar face appeared at the order window in the kitchen. There was a surprisingly jovial Justice Gene with a wrinkled paper hat sitting on his head at an awkward angle. He had a couple of deep shadows under his eyes but otherwise, he had a legitimate smile on his face instead of the haughty, try-hard smirk Frogg was used to.

Liz rattled off food service industry shorthand that Frogg would never be able to translate despite his best efforts. Then Gene looked up a moment later. Recognition flashed across his face and Frogg was tapping his claws in a vain attempt to prepare the laser engraver setting he installed there a few days ago. Maybe it could be used as a laser gun with the right angle and a little imagination.

“Hey guys!” Gene said, emulating the friendly and personable air that came naturally to Red Menace but was really awkward on him. “Didn’t expect to see you at opening week of my new restaurant. I’m happy you’re willing to bury the hatchet to support a budding young entrepreneur!”

“I don’t know about young…” Frogg muttered under his breath while thinking about the gray hairs he’d pulled out of his scraggly tree of hair earlier this morning.

“What’s the catch, Gene?” Voltar snapped. “We haven’t seen you in almost a year and now you’ve lured us out with delicious subs. I demand to know what you’re planning!”

“There’s no catch,” Gene said. “I just got tired of not getting anywhere in the hero biz. Even for the five minutes I was a hero, I was still the guy that cleaned toilets and picked up fancy coffee orders. It was worse with an official costume because even though I’d technically made it, nobody respected me. I think you guys of all people know what that’s like…”

Both Gene’s personal account and the way his face fell struck an unnervingly deep chord with Frogg. The mix of sympathy and existential dread hit his heart hard enough it felt physical. He looked down and saw himself gripping the fabric of his lab coat right over his heart.

“The one thing everybody liked were my sub sandwiches.” A dreamy expression drifted onto Gene’s face. “The only time I got a real compliment from Glory Guy was for my magic touch with the panini press. I got demoted to trash collector one day and just started thinking ‘Is this the rest of my life?’ As I spent the day collecting trash, all I could think about were sandwiches. How sourdough is the king of bread. Flatbread is a perfect base for a classic BLT. I realized then: Instead of a superhero, maybe my calling is...making the perfect hero sandwiches for superheroes!” Gene gave an awkward laugh. “And everybody else, of course! Villains included. Everybody deserves a good, home-made sandwich.”

“I didn’t ask for your life story, Gene,” Voltar scowled.

“I’m so happy for you!” Red gushed and his affirmation drowned out Voltar’s snark. “You deserve to be happy. I hope you’re successful!”

Gene’s face was red and he bashfully ran a hand through his hair. “Thank you.”

****

[frostise]

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍 ♡

PHONE WALLPAPER? comic versions of KF from doomsday clock and 80s firestorm comics

LAST SONG LISTENED TO? hate me - CLIP

CURRENTLY READING? art, history and colour theory

LAST MOVIE? a quiet place: day one

LAST SHOW? batman beyond

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? a marble hoodie with black sweatpants and socks

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'8''

PIERCING/TATTOOS? nah

GLASSES/CONTACTS? yes, i wear single vision lenses to see far away sometimes

LAST THING YOU ATE? chicken and tuna sushi!!

FAVORITE COLOUR? blue

CURRENT OBSESSION? arcane, spiderverse, and anything DC related

DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH RIGHT NOW? irl? not really

FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS? catwoman, batman, jinx/powder, domino and miles morales

LAST PLACE YOU TRAVELLED? argentina

tagged by: @endlss-voiid ♡

tagging: steal it!!

[tunabesimpin]

🐟 Welcome to Tuna's Lair! 🐟

Tuna's the name art is my game! I just be simpin! I mostly create content for Twisted Wonderland here! But I’m happy to do stuff related to all of these: [ Twisted Wonderland, Splatoon, Genshin Impact, ProSekai, Uma Musume, Obey Me ]

Please check if requests are open in the below section before you send in anything.

This blog may reblog content better suited for mature audiences! sensitive topics, dark themes, etc. as well as posts with heavy spoilers. PLEASE TAKE CAUTION WITH THIS IN MIND!

Requests

Check here before sending in requests! I will try to respond to all requests, but if you send an ask for something that has closed you're going to be disappointed. On that note if you requested before a deadline and haven't received a response please be patient. I make sure to remember all I have left so I promise I will get to you ^v^

Rules:

-request are mainly for OC interactions or canon characters unless there is an event -these will be sketches only; no color except very minimal shading or monotone (depends on my irl workload) -Writings and questions will usually be responded with rambling or a bulleted style -I do not take nsfw requests -If you would prefer a private response be sure to let me know in your ask -If you are wondering where your ask went, feel free to ask again or msg me! -Be polite or I will not do your request and may block/ ignore you -Mutuals you can send in anything at anytime ily :3

Questions/ Interactions/ Writings - [ OPEN] Art Requests - [ CLOSED ] Special Event Requests - [ CLOSED ]

Profiles/ Series/ Comics/ Writings Collection

OCs:

Tuna! | Profile | Relationship chart | TWST Style Model | tag #twst tuna |

Mitchell! | Profile | Relationship chart | tag #twst mitchell |

Series/ Vids/ Events:

TWST OC Hunger Games! - Twst OCs thrown into hunger games! Tunas Sea-Side Side Quest! - 800+ Follows Summer-time event Top Ten Gooby Woobies - Meme Video

Writings/ Comics:

Fishy Beginnings - Tuna backstory/ UM backstory Floyd Has Discovered Something Interesting - Tuna x Floyd comic Slumby Party with Lilia & Tuna - Anxiety vent

Tags

Tuna OC/Sona - #twst tuna Answers/ replies/ rambles/ general posts - #tuna be talkin Writings - #tuna be writin Summer Fanevent - #TunasSeaSideSQ

Introduction

For those who don't know me!!! Welcome to my (mostly twst) simp page! My name is Tuna! I'm 23, ace and nonbinary. You can use any pronouns for me, however I most prefer They/Them! I have severe anxiety and ADHD so I hope you will be patient with me and let me know if I become too chatty or overstep lines! My hobbies include creating art, listening to music, playing games and sometimes streaming. (If you'd like to check out my streams go here -> Parsnops WARNING MATURE CONTENT!) I'm not the best at interacting with others due to my anxiety, but I enjoy talking whether it be with close friends or shoving my ideas into the void of tumblr. I love simping for art, writings, music and all sorts of different medias! I love to hear/ see/ read and learn about everything yall make! I usually do art in my free time, but sometimes I like to play silly horror survival games, farm sims, and rhythm games. I've been doing art for around 7 - 8 years. I hope one day to work off my art, but I don't expect that anytime soon.

Anyways here are my favs from different medias! TWST - Floyd, Jade, Azul, Rook Lilia, Kalim, Ruggie Splatoon - Pearl, Marina, Frye, Callie Genshin - Klee (main #1), Alhaitham (Main #2), Tighnari, Fischel Prosekai - all of Wonderland X Showtime, Kanade, & Shiho Uma Musume - Gold Ship, Special Week, Silence Suzuka, Twin Turbo Obey Me - Beelzebub & Barbatos UtaPri - Natsuki Shinomiya

Games I like to play! TWST, Obey Me, ProSekai, Bang Dream, Splatoon 3, Phasmophobia, Fallout New Vegas, Devour, Minecraft, Sonic Adventure 1 & 2

Anyways thanks for getting to know me! One warning! Please do not ask insensitive questions or try to leave hate/ be extremely rude. I'm just going to block you as I really don't have time or the mentality for it. Its very hard to get on my bad side, but once you are, there's no coming back ok? I'm just trying to have fun here ^v^!

[billkaulitzwife]

CAN YOU DO MORE HEADCANNONS ON PONYBOY???

HEY KURT AND YEA OFC!!

okay imma do sfw and nsfw bc.... well kurt ik you.

warnings!

swearing, nsfw, mention of sêx, idk what else...

Now playing: your favourite dress

rip lil peep. we (i) miss u.

SFW :))

Dates.

This man loves dates.

He'd always take you to whatever movies you'd like or anything paul mcfuckin newman😃

This kid has a death wish

Like he'll obliterate ANY soc last dares put his eyes on you

He loves when you play with his hair and pull him into kisses by the tufts of hair on his neck

Pony really likes kisses

LIKE

PLEASE KISS THIS MANS FACE

TELL HIM HES PRETTY

HE WILL MELT

He seems like if Johnny didn't die he'd be a silver guy, but after he was always gold.

luckily im my au johnny is well and alive

bobs js.

dead.

BUT

Pony is so in love with you he pushes SHERRY MCFUCKING VALENCE away

Ever since y'all got together, Soda would be really protective of not js him

but you.

like you grew on him.

ur his sibling in law

Pony felt really happy Soda and Darry accepted you so quick

You were in the gang anyways.

Pony blushes when you kiss him

Like over text this man is so bold

"Hey Y/N i miss your pretty face"

"kicking my legs"

"Y/N you shld come over my brothers arent home"

but irl hes like

too tense

he doesnt wanna like hurt you or make you uncomfortable

but he still yk made a move

When you asked him out (or he asked you) his hands were sweatier than Satan's ballsack dude.

Like???

hyperhidrosis who?

He gets nervous when y'all kiss

he feels like if he just went for it he'd faceplant into you

ykwim babes?

yea... yea you do cutie

ik yall love me.

hes defo a lil peep stan

he loves idk how to say it but like calling you nicknames that dont fucking correlate to ur name

like my friend calls her boyfriend applesauce and i feel pony would call you like...

tuna

(if u cant tell im tired)

he loves when you get along with addi(me)

he'd probably love motionless in white if he was a metalhead

but he defo like Elvis, The Crests, Beach Boys, etc.

HE WOULD HATE THE MINIONS MOVIES

IDK WHY HE JUST WOULD

his fav princess would be Ariel

im not sure why

he'd js be like "ugh im so her"

Like.

Ponyboy

Michael

Curtis

get yo shi together

he definitely smells like cigs and lavender old spice

hes a sucker

his favourite flavour anything is grape or banana.

NSFW >:)

he's a sucker for braiding ur hair (if its long) or just tugging on it in general

motherclucker knows your weak spots on ur neck and stomach

this man wld mess up ur makeup

ofc he believes in aftercare unlike

*cough cough* dallas *cough cough*

hes a praise guy. hates degrading you.

pony would probably do the "bop it" position

js like ol dally taught him😋

he loves boobs.😋

like when youre getting undressed this man is like baffled

"whatd you get on the scie- woah.😍"

"they looked at me first, Y/N."

He loves sluttying (is that a word) up your nickname

Like for example

with my name, addi, he'd probably get in my ear and whine it

but thats my brother.

so

ANYWAYS

he loves being called puppy

or even you js sayin pony

hes like a switch

turned on

im so severely tired and dehydrated.

okay bye i love u all goldens 🫶

[snoopybutch]

no need to feel bad love, i understand!!

and oh my god i completely relate. coming into my lesbian identity has been one the most beautiful experiences of life. living as a femme is so liberating. lesbianism is so so wonderful.

i’ve been doing good! i had a very yummy dinner tonight (a bento box with sushi!!) i hope you’re doing good as well, honey! you better be taking care of yourself too :)

Oooohh sushiii I love sushi I almost went to this “poke” restaurant today but decided against it (poke is in quotes bc I’ve seen Hawaiians saying poke means a raw fish bowl with literally just like the raw seafood and some sesame oil usually, and that it is otherwise not poke and instead just a rice bowl) ANYWAYZ I hope ur bento was delicious. Butchfemme lesbianism is so special and such a home-coming feeling like, if I know I’m around other lesbians I’m happy but a butch or femme lesbian? My heart is full. I’m so so lucky to be online friends with other butches and dear femmes. I don’t have many irls but I’m so thankful nonetheless. (Sorry this turned into a fuckin diary lmao) vis á vis autism, I’m sorry to say I don’t think I can do classic sushi like sashimi and I also hate avocado with a fiery passion (for myself I’m happy 4 y’all) and so many like, white ppl sushi’s are then impossible for your sweet joeboy’s enjoyment. However. I love a shrimp or imitation crab roll with cucumber and I dip it in spicy mayo fuck me running that is delicious. I’m sorry for any sushi ppl who now want to hunt me for sport I promise I wish I could too. Also homemade “sushi” with canned tuna (add furikake, sriracha and kewpie mayo), nori and seasoned (furikake, rice vinegar, salt) rice is ELITE. I must make some soon >:3

[skyllion-uwu]

feeding the fish dream right neow !!!

Here's the original write up I made when I had it, which was like 2021 I think! It's unedited and I don't wanna edit it from it's original form but there's one detail I'd like to add here. The dream didn't immediately end. It kinda felt like I had finished watching an episode of a TV show and it zoomed out from me and the credits ran for a bit before it went to the next episode which I don't remember if it was connected to feeding the fish or not but I was watching from a 3rd person POV and I woke up after a minute or so in

There is a ritual known as "feeding the fish". I think it involved chewing something (my mouth felt and tasted like I had eaten straight canned tuna when I woke up) and then spat it on the ground to decompose. I was going to feed the fish (only once) but I had to get a box first. On the way there, there was a section of soft, green ground that could swallow you up if you stood for too long. You had to wait on the concrete sidewalk until it was safe to just walk in one fell swoop. On the way to getting whatever and when I was returning, I stood on the ground. I didn't get swallowed up, but police appeared and got suspicious. When returning, I noticed all these little marks in the ground like the markings in Animal Crossing to show that something is buried there. I jokingly said to my sister "we should dig these up" and she freaked out. I didn't dig anything up but the cops started following us and I kept blabbering like "We should hurry over to grandma's with this" and peeking to see if they were still following. We made it back and gave the box to the grandma. Grandma had a whole bunch of bins of koi. She gave one to my niece (in-dream niece I don't have one irl) for her to use as birthday decorations. I hated this niece, but I grinned and hugged her and wished her happy birthday as I walked through the house. In the fridge were pitchers of water dyed various shades of red. The lightest ones had tiny little shrimp floating in them but the darker ones had whole crabs in them. One pitcher had a lobster in it too. A girl blocked me from the fridge and I started to leave as my vision turned red. You know when red food dye is dropped in the water and it swirls around in there? It was like that clouding my field of vision. As everything turned brighter red, I kept "feeding the fish". I was doing it everywhere and it was gonna raise some eldritch-like being. Then it just ended and I woke up

[radioactivictoli]

There is a sandwich. That my friend keeps making me. Because he thinks I love it. But unfortunately it is magikarp salad sandwich. I HATE magikarp salad, it’s gross. But every OTHER aspect of the sandwich is really good! There’s tomato, and lechonk bacon, and some sort of hot sauce. It’s good! Except. For the main protein. And he just. keeps making it. I’m in too deep to back out now. I have to live this magikarp salad lie.

[feralaot]

Do you think you can do head canons for a Actor Attack On Titan Au? <3

ah, I see you are coping as well

AOT actor!AU headcanons

no warnings

actor au

despite being actresses themselves historia also does a lot of the makeup design and mikasa does the hair

everyone hates levi because he doesn’t have to spend hours getting his makeup done since he just naturally looks like he’s sleep deprived and/or constantly under stress

armin got stuck in the harnesses for odm gear so often that the directors had to hire a stunt double to do some of the odm scenes instead

armin and annie played a couple for their parts but actually got feelings for each other in the process and now they're dating even out of character

reiner often falls asleep on set between scenes and he sleeps like a rock so some other cast members will try to stack cups on his head without waking him up

historia and armin are actually fraternal twins, and marco and ymir are also siblings

erwin is a huge dad figure for the rest of the cast and will always offer to take everyone out to lunch after shoots, he also babys them and makes sure they always stay hydrated when on set

erwin does, in fact, have two arms. he wears a greenscreen sleeve on set and it makes him feel silly

porco wears his costume when he’s out of character because he actually really likes it. (of course he takes the armband off since people off set might be unnerved by it)

reiner and porco are actually really good friends irl and after shooting scenes porco is always apologizing for being mean to him even though it was just for the part LMAO

the scene where historia punched levi was actually improvised so his reaction was genuine

hange has blackmail information on just about everyone

even after their characters aren’t needed anymore several actors including marco and ymir still show up to hang out with their co-stars and sometimes leave little gifts around set for them to find

connie is CONSTANTLY vlogging on set and the director has had to ban him from vlogging out of fear of him spoiling the show

jean is really chill and sometimes he brings his cat for the kids to play with but pretty much everyone really can’t help themselves from petting the cat as well

sasha steals people’s lunches and blames jean’s cat for tuna sandwiches mysteriously disappearing from the fridge

reiner and bertholdt are married and are a popular celebrity couple among fans. levi and hange are also married and hange is nonbinary irl (so they obviously jumped right on the opportunity to play an ambiguous character)

eren can’t actually grow facial hair irl so the stubble he had as a hobo in season 4 wasn’t real and was just pasted on by the makeup artists LMAO

pieck is always late because she insists on going to starbucks first beforehand. she also prefers to sit on the floor rather than her own chair

zeke steals props from set so he has a collection of various objects in his home as “souvenirs” including a scout cape, an odm sword, a model rifle, and a marley armband

[gogomeaty]

Tagged by @witchy--mama, thank youuu 4 the tag

（￣︶￣）↗　

Relationship status: single

Favorite Color: green has been my fav for so long but i also like brown and red

Favorite Food: milanesa with french fries or pasta idk how to say milanesa in english but is basically fried breaded meat idk but i love it, i also love apple pies, tuna with mayo and banana oatmeal shakes < these are my comfort foods

Song Stuck In My Head: playing dangerous by blu shore and everlong by foo fighters

Time: 11:11 pm

Dream Trip: any of the nordic countries, germany, greece or japan

Last Book Read: i think it was men without women by haruki murakami

Last Book I Enjoyed Reading: that one i just mention i haven't read a book since i was like in preparatoria

Last Book I Hated Reading: i didn't hate it but anne frank diary i tried many times to continue it and i could never do it so i never tried again lol

Favorite Thing To Cook/Bake: pancakes, i like them better when i do them so i always do the pancakes in my house for everyone

Favorite Spare Time Craft: digital art and edits like moodboards or funny vine recompilations idk if that counts im not a very crafty person irl tbh

Niche Dislike:… i don't understand the niche part but i hate when ppl eat with their mouth open

Opinion On Circuses: i like the aesthetic like clowncore and stuff like that but i don't like circuses, they were fun when i was a kid but if i go to the circus now i think i would get overstimulated

Tags: @all-hail-the-water-god, @trepanationgecko, @atomic-jellyfish, @dolly-macabre and anyone else who wants to do it too

i want to tag more ppl but im shy to do it lol

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

[hoarding-stories]

It’s the start of season 2, and it looks like we’re starting with some high stakes. Can’t wait to see what’s up with The Kitty Cat Caper

Pt 1

I’ve seen a little on this one but all I know for sure is that a cat... explodes? Which should make for some interesting audio

Where’s the Penumbra? This sounds like a train station 

Ah ok it is the Penumbra, just the Penumbra express. Is it going to change every season?

Who is this? Definitely not Juno

Who gave this guy the mic? This is depressing. 

Ah. A tv show? Radio show? 

I agree with Juno, can we change the channel 

Oh shit this is Ramses!! Fuck that guy. (I’m very much spoiled, not completely but enough)

Juno that’s mean 

He didn’t even tell Rita what happened? 

:( Rita...

Go take a nap Juno

It’s been 6 months 

You didn’t lose an opportunity, you walked away from it

Cassandra got out?!? That’s good

You can hold your breath Rita

Pippa! A kitty right? 

Maia King

A pretty kitty... space kitty 

This lady sure is something

So something did happen

Please make Juno take Pippa

The music is starting up but... yep. Interrupted 

uh-oh two cats! 

Annnd he’s chasing Pippa

Oh shit somebody’s grabbing the cat

Rita hasn’t heard of this either

Huh, so designer pets aren’t too popular

ew

This guy is probably not going to be much help

Reshaping a cat is worse than making a cat

Don’t trust this guy at all now

That was a nice move Juno

He’s back on his game! 

Pt 2

The train’s weird, I’m still used to the elevator. 

The acoustics of the train whistle makes it sound like it’s coming from irl, not my headphones

Juno’s not good with computers

Maia’s name was on that important people list, Juno missed it the 1st time tho

They’ve known each other for 15 years! 

Juno has to improvise

Nice impression Juno XD

Rita on caffeine sounds like it would be terrible

Don’t monologue Juno, get out of there! 

Peter would be proud

A bomb!?! 

Of course she’s gonna ram the gate

hahahaha she just ran away while he was doing a bit

“no it isn’t”

…and you’re in the middle of a busy city,,, you could hit someone else

She threw Pippa! 

…He can’t do it, the difference of losing an eye can’t be made up with one shot. He’s going to have practice a lot before he gets any better 

uh-oh

So Juno would kill his double

oh no, which is which

The power bill? You’re about to die! 

Pippa loves tuna brick! 

He just throws it

eugh, so that’s what an exploding cat sounds like

...there’s still 15 minutes left, what’s gonna happen? 

oh no. 

Who is this? (I know. but I don’t like how creepy this is) 

Memory lane

................. I. don’t. like. it.

Ramses O’Fuckface >:((

don’t like “clean this city” 

He is not useless, asshole!!

Oh. The Theia Spectrum is just it’s name immediately. I thought it was something that would be revealed later

hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it

What’s up with the watch

Fuck. Don’t do it Juno

“You’re going to agree with me” :(((

[lestered]

lost in your paradise

m, 9.3k

It’s been six years of surreal friendship, and an even surrealer crush. Six years of traveling all around the world, and wanting to kiss him in every place.

Six years of chickening out every time.

Dan has no reason to believe that Japan will be any different, but anything can happen when you get lost under the Tokyo lights.

read on ao3 or under the cut

written for @starboydjh for @phanfictionevents spring fic exchange! thank you Hadley for giving me such an amazing prompt to work with!

many thanks as well to my beta, irl bff @b-j-e who definitely isn’t reading this because he hasn’t used his tumblr in five years and has probably had enough of this fic by now, but still deserves an mvp award.

He wants to kiss him in Manchester.

60 meters up in the sky, gazing out over Phil’s favorite city in the world. The one he’d insisted that Dan come to visit so that he could really meet his new best friend.

Well... he'd phrased it that way at least, but Dan could’ve sworn that the words ‘best friend’ were laced with something else. Something in Phil’s eyes, in his tone of voice, in the way Dan could see his eyes moving over the screen, flickering from his lips to his bare chest and back into his eyes - that said they were best friends, no doubt, but maybe they could be more. That maybe Phil wants more. Wants what Dan had suspected himself of wanting since before they’d even spoken, and what had been confirmed on that train platform when he’d finally locked onto that ocean-blue gaze in person and been tugged so easily into a warm, tight embrace that had left him flushed and happy and still, hours later, charged with an overwhelming urge to pull Phil in close again, to put his hands on him and kiss that adorable, lopsided smile off his lips. To put it all on the line even though it’s a bit terrifying.

Not even a bit terrifying, actually. Just… regular terrifying. So he sits close and lets their thighs press together and their hands and elbows brush and meets each of Phil’s curious, unreadable glances with something just as unreadable, just hoping Phil picks up on his wanting and leans in and does what he doesn’t have the courage to do himself. But whether Phil’s just as nervous and unsure as Dan, or because he genuinely doesn’t want to, his wish goes unfulfilled.

He doesn’t kiss him on the Manchester eye. He also doesn’t kiss him that night in his bed, or all the other times in Rawtenstall, or in Phil’s crappy first apartment or the first that they share. He doesn’t kiss him all the times they find themselves leaning in too close, holding each other’s gaze for too long, letting little offhand but suggestive comments drift out and float almost antagonizingly in the space between them.

He wanted to kiss him in Manchester.

But he didn’t.

***

Their hotel room in Japan is unreal. From the plush beds to the high-tech toilet to the mirror-TV, it’s by far the nicest room they’ve ever stayed in. It’s cool - too cool for them, frankly, but no one really needs to know that. Dan’s definitely not one to complain.

Personally, he’s a particularly big fan of their jacuzzi tub. It’s big enough to fit his giant noodle body, for one - a luxury that most tubs don’t afford him. And for another thing, he’s found that there’s nothing quite like a nice hot soak after a full day of walking around, exploring, because they can’t miss a thing, because Tokyo’s been their dream destination for years and who knows if they’ll ever get to come back.

It’s a lot of activity.

And it’s definitely worth it; it’s just also a bit strenuous for someone who spends most of his time slumped in front of a computer screen. Some warm bubbles go a long way when it’s time to unwind from it.

He may have stayed in a bit too long tonight, judging by the pruny state of his fingers and toes, but he can’t bring himself to care as he dries off, taking some extra time to towel the wetness out of his hair. The sooner it dries, the sooner he can straighten it.

A puff of steam follows him when he steps out into the bedroom a moment later in just his t-shirt and boxers, causing an unintentionally dramatic scene.

He half-expects Phil to notice and tease him for it. However, Phil’s laid out on his bed, still in the exact position he’d fallen into upon arriving back to their room - flat on his back, fully starfished save for the phone that he’s now holding to his ear.

“No, come on, don’t apologize. Tell him we hope he feels better soon, yeah?”

Dan gives him a curious glance as he flops forward onto his own bed, stretching out on his stomach and sliding his arms around to hug the pillow that he’s smushed into his cheek.

“Right, good luck. And seriously, thanks for everything you guys’ve done for us here, alright? Yeah… talk to you later.”

Phil blows out a breath, sets his phone down and rolls over to face Dan in a position that mimics his own.

“That was Mimei.” He tells him, though Dan figured as much. “They can’t come out tonight, apparently Duncan’s a bit under the weather and she’d feel bad leaving him alone. I guess he doesn't handle being poorly too well.”

Dan feels the corners of his mouth turn down in a small, disappointed frown. “Oh." He shifts to adjust the positioning of the pillow under his head. "That sucks, I wanted to go out one more time. I guess we could get room service, though, and now I won’t have to straighten my hair…”

“What are talking about?” Phil interrupts him before he can finish his thought. “We can still go out.”

Oh, god. Six years later, his heart is still full to bursting with love for his best friend, but he can’t deny that Phil has a tendency to lack crucial self awareness in situations like these. Phil must sense the apprehension on his part, because he quickly follows it up:

"It's our last night, we can't not go out!"

“Phil.” He rolls his eyes. “We can’t go out alone at night. We don't know where we're going, we can’t read the signs... we can’t use data here, so Maps is out of the question if we get lost which, since you have the navigational proficiency of a blind goose with vertigo…”

Phil’s spare pillow lands against his face with a soft thud before Dan can finish whatever hyperbolic insult he was ready to make up on the fly.

He knows what comes next: the pillow falls away and he’s met with big, blue puppy dog eyes and a pout. Phil doesn’t even need to say anything, and he knows it. Pure evil, he is.

(Not really. Pure evil would be if he knew what those eyes really do to Dan, if he knew how desperately Dan wants to make them light up and kiss the pout off his lips. But he doesn’t know. As it stands, Phil just believes himself to be an exceptionally talented beggar.)

“Fuck off.” He groans, and turns his face fully into the pillow before he gets too caught up. “Fine, we’ll go out if you'll stop being an insufferable spoon.”

The giggle he gets in return lets Dan know that Phil’s very pleased with himself, but he doesn’t need to look up to see his smile. He’s got it memorized already.

***

He wants to kiss him in Wokingham.

It’s not the right time, though.

Wokingham isn’t what he wants or who he wants to be; It's everything he wants to leave behind. It's loneliness and confusion and self-doubt - really, it's everything that Phil’s not.

Phil is warmth and support and a genuine hope that maybe he won’t have to define himself by the first eighteen mediocre years of his life. Phil is someone who actually believes in him in a way that he hasn’t believed in himself for years.

Phil’s the future he wants. Their first kiss ought to be in some place that represents his hope for that future, not the place he’s so eager to ditch.

Right.

That’s what he tells himself. Really, it's a convoluted excuse to cover the fact that he’s just scared shitless. Again.  

Having Phil with him in Wokingham is strange. He’s been happy letting these two parts of his life exist completely separate from each other so far. Of course, Phil makes him feel safe, but he’d be lying if he said that having him in his hometown doesn’t make him feel… exposed. Vulnerable. As if Phil would arrive here and immediately sniff out all of Dan’s yet-unspoken baggage - that uneasy balance between stupid teen angst and real, confusing, lonely, amorphous sadness that hangs so heavy in the air of his teenage bedroom that it’s almost tangible to him.  

He thinks, at first, that Phil's not picked up on it. Phil’s just happy to see him, always so happy to see him. Inexplicably so, in Dan’s opinion, no matter how many times Phil tries to tell him otherwise.

He doesn’t realize until late that night, in bed, that Phil’s more perceptive than he’d given him credit for.

“Thanks for letting me come here, Dan.” His voice is laced with understanding when he whispers into the dark, tugging him into his chest and sending Dan's heart into overdrive. It’d be so easy to do it now, to tilt his head up, to lean in just a bit, to brush his lips against Phil’s.

But he's frozen in place because a kiss could lose him this embrace if Phil doesn’t kiss him back. And he realizes he’s not ready to take that risk.

Will he ever be?

“You’re welcome.” He whispers instead, letting his eyes fall shut and releasing the breath he’d been holding. “I’m glad you’re here, Phil.”

He wanted to kiss him in Wokingham.

But he didn’t.

***

“Remember you want the tuna roll to end up in your mouth, and not on the back of some poor unsuspecting lady’s neck across the room.”

Phil kicks his shin under the table, but his blush and bitten-back smile betray any malice he might’ve been attempting.

“I hate you.” He mumbles. “You can't just let me live that down?”

“Do you even know me?” Dan crumples his straw wrapper into a tiny ball and flicks it across the table. It lands in Phil's lap and his mind may or may not be playing tricks on him when he thinks he sees a hint of fondness in the eyeroll that follows. “Of course not.”

They’re sat at the sushi restaurant from a few nights ago. It was their safest bet - the majority of the waitstaff speak at least some English and they know enough rudimentary Japanese food-words to pick things off menu. The overlap is enough for them to order their rolls and an extra side of spicy mayo, which suits them just fine.

Last time they sat at the bar, this time they're tucked into a table-for-two in the back corner. It's clearly not meant for two men as tall as them. They keep accidentally stepping on each other's toes.

(Maybe not always accidentally on Dan's part. Lamely, he knows that it's probably the closest he'll ever get to a game of footsie.)

“Do I get to tell the internet about how you cried at the Ghibli museum, then?” Phil asks, and this time there's definitely a fond glimmer behind his teasing expression.

That earns Phil his own kick to the shin. “Go ahead. They won’t judge me for it, they’ll judge you for being the soulless robot who didn’t cry.”

The look of shocked indignation on Phil's face before he schools his features into a cooler, more neutral expression is incredibly precious.

“Whatever." He retorts. "I was emotional too, I just held it together so I could be there to support you.”

The joking lilt of Phil’s voice unfortunately doesn't tame the swooping sensation he feels by default in the pit of his stomach every time Phil says something that makes him wonder if there's any truth, any genuine feeling behind the bants.

He decides that he's feeling a little too sober for this.

***

He wants to kiss him in Blackpool.

It's a getaway, not quite the way they’d planned it, but it can still be… romantic. Maybe. If he manages to actually do something right.

It’s just the two of them and that’s gotta to mean something. Do strictly platonic friends go on holiday for no other reason than wanting to enjoy each other’s company in a more private setting?

Maybe, but do they? Dan can't shake off the feeling that this trip means something more. He’s sure he senses it in the way Phil’s fingers still for a moment on the trackpad on his laptop, the cursor on the screen hovering between the one- or two-bed options on the hotel website.

The brief silence is excruciating, but no more so than the mouse click when Phil ends up selecting the room with two beds.

He supposes that doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's just that neither of them spoke up.

Blackpool turns out to be a shithole, though, so is it the right place?

Probably not, but… it'd be far less shitty if Dan could muster up the courage one goddamn night to crawl into Phil’s bed with him, instead of his own.

He actually almost does, stumbling into their room giddy and wine-drunk after a too-expensive dinner on the last night, trusting Phil to support about half his weight with the arm slung around his waist, and his arm around Phil’s shoulders.

“Fucking hell, finally.” He doesn't bother untangling them before falling backwards onto the bed, landing Phil on top of him with a surprised 'oof.'

“Shit, sorry mate.” He manages with an indelicate snort as Phil lifts himself onto his forearms. Then suddenly, Dan isn’t sorry at all - not with Phil on top of him, face flushed from the alcohol, eyes half-lidded and searching.

He really, really isn’t sorry.

“S’ok.” Phil mumbles in reply. He stays hovering over him, unmoving, his voice barely above a whisper and Dan swears he sees those pretty eyes flicker down to his lips.

If there’s ever been a go-ahead to kiss him, kiss him right fucking now, this would have to be it.

He just needs to collect himself first. Just a few deep breaths.

Inhale, exhale.

Inhale, exhale.

Inhale— oh.

Oh no.

“Uh, Phil. I need you to get off me now.”

All he registers is a glimpse of the confusion in Phil’s expression when he rolls off of him, only for Dan to bolt straight to the bathroom. He makes it to the toilet just in time to collapse onto his knees and empty the entire contents of his stomach.

Perhaps he’d overdone it on the liquid courage.

“...Dan?” He hears Phil’s voice drifting in from the bedroom. “You alright? Can I get you anything?”

He sounds concerned, and understandably not the least bit turned on.  Nice.

“Totally fine.” He rasps in reply, and groans internally over how his voice echoes pathetically out of the toilet bowl while he rests his forehead on the cool porcelain rim.

They go to sleep in separate beds that night.

He wanted to kiss him in Blackpool.

But he didn’t.

***

Phil, in an unprecedented display of chopstick dexterity, manages to actually finish his sushi without accidentally assaulting anyone. Dan is secretly a little bit disappointed. Dumbass moments like those become fond memories and inside jokes and another reinforcement to a bond so unique that nobody ever could manage to steal it away from him.

He'll make a memory anyway, a mental snapshot. Phil looks handsome and the lights are low and the music is soft and the food is good.

Oh, and the scorpion bowl in the middle of their table is very strong, and should definitely be shared by more than two people. But they're not letting that stop them.

In fact, Dan's been sipping a steady stream out of his straw for god knows how long.

“Christ, Dan, you're not eighteen anymore.” Phil nudges Dan’s foot with his own under the table. "Slow down if you don't wanna be hungover on the plane tomorrow. Plus you keep slurping."

“I’ll slurp your mum.” He replies without thinking, still holding the straw in between his teeth. He registers what he's actually said a second too late, just a moment after Phil looks at him with a horrified expression and he sputters before dropping his head down into his hands.

“No, no. I take it back. I didn’t say that, I did not say that.” He tries to insist, but he’s wheezing and his shoulders are shaking with laughter and he can’t take it back. Phil's joined in on the laughter and he's definitely not gonna let him take it back. “Fuck.” He sighs out when he catches his breath. “Don’t tell Kath.”

Phil’s cheeks are flushed a dark, rosy pink by the time he regains his composure and takes a long sip out of their shared drink again.

“As if I’d ever repeat one of your terrible jokes to her. She’d be scarred for life.”

Dan almost points out that Phil’s mum watches their videos, and he’s said worse on camera, but he stops himself.

Because one day of vlogging aside, this vacation has been a welcome escape, a break from the constant thought loop of youtube, youtube, fans, fans, radio, radio, youtube youtube youtube that refuses to leave them alone back in England.

His life could be a lot worse. But that doesn't change the fact that they're here right now in a whole new world where they've not been recognized, not even once, and he's breathing so easy, like a gigantic weight he hadn't even registered before has been lifted off his chest.

It’s amazing. He looks across the table at Phil. He can do that here, where they won't run into anyone, where it's unlikely that anyone's secretly watching - look at Phil for as long as he wants, not bothering to worry about schooling his features into something that definitively does not resemble heart-eyes. Phil catches his eye and stares back at him with an intent, albeit slightly unfocused gaze. He's not used to Phil looking at him this way, but his fuzzy brain can't bring itself to decipher what might be going on in Phil's head.

Whatever it might is, his best-friend-intuition tells him he likes it.

“Hey, Phil.” He says after a final decisive drink, still focused on those sparkling eyes. “Let’s go exploring.”

***

He wants to kiss him in Portugal.

It's what Blackpool was supposed to be after all, vacation-wise.

It can be what Blackpool was supposed to be kiss-wise, too, if he doesn’t majorly fuck up this time.

It’s much prettier here than Blackpool. Much prettier than anywhere they’ve been, really.

Phil especially looks pretty here, even with his pale skin slathered in SPF-one million. He’s pretty at the Zoomarine, where his eyes gleam with excitement and he makes friends with a large turtle. He’s pretty with his face flushed and his smile wide and uninhibited after a bit of sangria, when he tells him his skin looks nice under the blue sun.

He’s so very pretty on the coastline, with his sunglasses a bit crooked and his face turned up towards the sun and his hair tousled from the salty wind, sitting right next to him on the warm rocky ground.

His chest hurts when he looks at Phil like this. He’s scared sometimes of how badly he wants him.

Phil shifts closer to him, and their hands, outstretched behind them, overlap.

...Interesting. Is that more or less scary? He feels hot all of a sudden and he suspects it's from more than just the sun.

But they stay like that, and his heart races, and he has no idea what to do because Phil’s acting like they’re doing nothing unusual even though it’s been a while since they’ve touched like this.

His stupid inner romantic has never fully ruled out the possibility that maybe Phil wants him too.

So is this a move? Is he going to make another? If he does then that’s a lot of pressure off of Dan, for sure.

He waits.

He waits for a long time.

And he probably doesn’t have a right to feel disappointed when nothing happens, but he does anyway.

He wanted to kiss him in Portugal.

But he didn’t.  

***  

Stepping out into the fresh air sobers him up a little bit. Not a lot, but enough that he and Phil don’t need to lean on each other when they walk. That’s good, he doesn’t feel like looking sloppy even though Phil’s seen him at his sloppiest. And wherever they’re about to go, he wants to remember it.

They don’t talk about where they’re going, but head off at the exact same time in the exact same random direction. They walk in silence for a bit and Dan doesn’t mind. Silence is quite alright, especially if he’s sharing it with Phil. His mind is foggy and the Tokyo streets are loud enough and Phil’s right there, next to him like always. That’s enough for him.

He’s actually startled when Phil finally speaks up. “I kind of can’t believe we did this.”

Dan looks over at him and Phil’s gaze is a little distant, his voice a little dreamy, and his lips quirked into a bit of a smile. Dan’s heart swells.

“Came here, you mean?” His voice is barely above a soft murmur, but he knows Phil can hear him anyway. They find a break in traffic and cross the road towards some building he doesn’t recognize with some neon pink sign in the front that he can’t read. “I know. Kinda doesn’t feel real.”  

He thinks back over six years, how many times they talked about Japan. Too many to count, and never in concrete terms, always some vague, faraway goal.

He thinks of the times they’d sit a little too close on the couch and watch anime over breakfast, all the skype calls in the very beginning when they’d spend ages rambling to each other about Pokemon and My Neighbor Totoro. He thinks of standing at their breakfast bar in Manchester and mixing up Popin Cookin sweets, of losing their shit over Bishi Bashi special.

When he glances over to his side, he sees Phil looking right back at him. Dan can’t quite decipher his expression again, and he’s not sure it’s from the alcohol this time. The look on Phil's face quite resembles the one he'd had after spontaneously booking their tickets and following the initial excitement, something softer, but contemplative too. He likes that look. He likes having it aimed at him. He’s pretty sure his buzz intensifies for a second.

“It’s real.” Phil breathes, locking eyes with him and then looking away a little sooner than Dan wants him to. “Definitely real.”

***

He wants to kiss him in Jamaica.

He thought Portugal was pretty, but Jamaica is on a whole new level. And, as with anything else amazing that’s happened to him as of late, Phil is right there with him.

It feels kind of like a dream, if he’s being honest - that anyone would consider him important or influential enough to be on this trip.

The only reason he knows for sure that it’s not a dream is his hobbit hair. In a dream, he’d have it perfectly straightened and under control. But with the water activities and humidity here, any effort he puts in to taming his curls is entirely in vain.

Phil ruffles his hair and tells him his curls are cute. He cares a lot less after that.

What he does care about is filming and jumping off cliffs and tubing and sunset swims where Phil photographs him without his knowledge.

“What?” Phil comments when Dan whines to him about it. “It’s a cool photo. It’s artsy. You look nice.”

He scoffs at that. “It’s just my silhouette.”

“Well, it’s a good one.”

Everything around them is shades of pink and orange and gold. Warm and beautiful. Especially the golden light, bringing out the specks of yellow in Phil’s kaleidoscope eyes. Looking into them, he feels a distinct tugging somewhere in the pit of his stomach, and drifts over to Phil almost mindlessly. Phil smiles when he’s close enough.

“You have so many new freckles.” He murmurs, and taps him lightly on the tip of his nose.

“Ugh, don’t remind me. They make me look like a fucking eight-year-old.”

It’s the least sexy reply he could’ve given and he mentally scolds himself for it, but Phil doesn’t seem to notice or care.

“Shut up, they suit you.” Is all he says in reply and Dan’s lucky that there’s not enough light for Phil to see the blush spreading across his cheeks.

He doesn’t even need to make an effort to get any closer to Phil; the current does all the work for them until their knees touch.

He’s close to leaning in. More than anything, he wants to close the fucking gap.

Just his luck, though, Phil glances up just then and sighs. “Crap, it’s getting dark. We should go back, don’t wanna be late for dinner.”

He can’t find it in himself to muster enough courage after that.

He wanted to kiss him in Jamaica.

But he didn’t.

***

The place with the neon pink sign that they can’t read is some kind of karaoke bar, they realize once they’ve crossed the street and lean up against the wall for a breather and immediately hear the distinct beginning of Get Low by Lil John and two, mildy-drunk sounding voices belting along into microphones.

“Oh my God.” Phil’s eyes are wide. “Do you think they know what this song means? Like, what they’re actually saying?”

Dan holds up a finger and they go quiet.

To the windowwwwww (to the windowwwww)

To the wall (to the wall)

Til the sweat drop down my balls

Til all these bitches crawl

“Definitely not.” Dan snorts, and Phil rests his head back against the wall to breathe out a disbelieving laugh as well.

“I mean… I guess it’s not hurting anyone.” Phil shrugs. “We sing anime theme songs all the time and we have no clue what they mean. For all we know they could be incredibly profane.”

“Yes, Phil. I’m sure the Attack on Titan theme tune is incredibly profane. Come on, you spork.” He pushes off the wall and walks off a few feet down the sidewalk, only to realize that Phil’s not following him.

“Uh, Phil?” He turns around, eyebrow raised when he sees Phil still standing against the wall. “Don’t you wanna go find something to do?”

Phil hesitates, seeming to ponder something for a moment before breaking out into a smile. He pushes off the wall and takes a few steps backwards towards the door to the bar, his eyes just the slightest bit challenging.

“I think we just did.”

***

He wants to kiss him in Italy.

Chris and PJ aren’t stupid. They nudge him, shoot him looks, strategically leave him and Phil alone multiple times a day with fully conspicuous parting winks.

And he won't do it. If he’s going to kiss Phil (which, admittedly, is feeling like more and more of a lost cause), it’s going to be on his terms. It’s going to be when he feels it’s right, not when their well-meaning but idiotic friends decide.

It actually does feel right at one point, when Phil’s chasing him in a tipsy, spontaneous game of tag while they’re alone. Phil catches him and he wants to spin around right then, crash their mouths together, let Phil know that he’s got him in more ways than one. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or adrenaline, or maybe he’s just damn fed up with not having Phil’s lips on his.

Probably a combination, to be honest. But mostly that last thing.

He spins and just like that, PJ and Chris come right up behind them.

Some God that he doesn’t believe in really wanted to fuck with him tonight.

They seem to realize that they’ve come upon something they shouldn’t have, but Phil catches sight of them too, and then the moment’s gone.

He wanted to kiss him in Italy.

But he didn’t.

***

Phil must be drunker than Dan previously thought, because the Phil Lester that he prides himself on knowing extremely well does not just get the spontaneous urge to saunter into a karaoke bar. Yet that’s exactly what he does, and Dan kind of has no choice except to follow him.

The air inside is thick and hot and noisy, with a couple fans whirring on either side of the bar and a floor setup of basic tables and chairs, some mismatched overstuffed armchairs against the far wall, and most importantly a small stage (more like a platform, really) all the way up at the front, complete with a karaoke setup of two mics and a screen that flashes song lyrics in bright, loud colors. Phil leads them to the only empty armchair at the edge of the room, conveniently wide enough for the two of them to squeeze into.

And Dan has to admit it’s pretty cool. The bar may be hot and crowded and loud but it’s entertaining. They hear some regular, innocent songs. They’re quite nice. But they also hear uncensored renditions of Pony by Ginuwine, The Real Slim Shady by Eminem, and a personal favorite of theirs, My Neck, My Back. They contain their laughter for the most part, meaning a lot of the time they’re red faced and shaking. The laughter gets harder to contain when they’re sent a free drink each from a couple older ladies at the bar.

They don’t really need to loosen up more than they already are, but they drink them anyway.

Of course, the best part of the whole thing is being pressed up so close to Phil. He’s warm and smells nice and Dan would very much like to kiss his rosy cheek, but he’s not quite uninhibited enough for that.

“Right, my ass is falling asleep, we can probably get walking around again.” Phil says when he stands up a while later with a stretch and a yawn. Dan follows, and just then the current song ends and the next karaoke slot opens up.

A seed of an idea plants itself in Dan’s mind, and he flashes Phil the same challenging look that Phil had aimed at him earlier. “Or, maybe not just yet.” He grins and pulls a shocked, protesting Phil up on stage. He’d be painfully too awkward to do this sober, but his head is swimming a bit, so he’s alright.

Phil is still looking incredibly alarmed as Dan sorts through the song selection, and it doesn’t take long for him to find the perfect one. He hits play and Phil pales when it starts up. Dan merely gives him a cheeky smirk and picks up his mic.

mmBaby can’t you see, I’m calling

A guy like you should wear a warning

It’s dangerous

I’m falling…

Your turn, he mouths to a Phil who now looks less terrified, more intrigued, and in a sudden show of bravery, grabs his own mic.

There’s no escape

I can’t wait

I need a hit

Baby, give me it

A loud cheer coming from somewhere around the bar puts what Dan could almost describe as a sultry smirk on Phil’s lips. Surely that’s not on purpose.

You’re dangerous

I’m loving it

It sends a rush of blood down in between his legs anyway. He breathes in deep, locks eyes with Phil and joins back in.

Too high, can’t come down

Losing my head, spinning round and round

...

...Do you feel me now?

***

He wants to kiss him in Orlando, Vegas, and LA.

He doesn’t even need an excuse as to why he won’t. More and more, they’ve been keeping some distance from each other. There’s pressure mounting. A rapidly growing fanbase, thousands and thousands of prying eyes.

Thousands and thousands of hopefuls wanting the things Phil said in that damn video to be true just as much as Dan does.

And just as much as he has to act like he doesn’t. The situation may not be that out of control, but he’s living in his own personal spiral of misery. Phil moves further and further out of his reach and it’s not supposed to bother him - hell, it’s partially his own fault.

He doesn’t know if it bothers Phil or not. They don’t talk about it. They still talk, all the time, about everything else. Just… not that. Never that.

He doesn’t hope at this point. Not the way he used to. He still wants, he still wants so bad that it hurts. All he can bring himself to hope for is that their on-camera life doesn’t bleed into their off-camera life more than it already has. He couldn’t handle it.

He wanted to kiss him in Orlando, Vegas and LA.

But he didn’t.

***

They’re giddy and nearly delirious when they stumble out of the bar later, courtesy of a couple more free drinks and the adrenaline from two encore performances after their smashing performance of Toxic.

“Fucking hell.” Dan laughs when they lean up against the outside wall again, right where they’d been leaning before. “That was…” He shakes his head and laughs again before gulping down as much fresh air as he can. “That was pretty fucking epic.”

“It was.” Phil agrees with the same type of laugh, wiping the sweat off of his brow. “We haven’t done karaoke in way too long.”

“We’ve never done karaoke, you dingus.” Dan snorts and bumps his shoulder weakly into Phil’s. “Rock Band doesn’t count as karaoke.”

Phil bumps his shoulder right back. “It does to me, you... you… rude person.”

Phil really isn’t good with the insults in his regular state. Drunk Phil’s insults, though, are simply laughable. “Ouch, Phil." He feigns hurt. "I might not ever recover from that absolute zinger.”

Without thinking, he grabs the shoulder of Phil’s jacket and starts to tug him along while Phil follows along with a weak retort of “your mum.”

He’s not sure how far they walk, arms and hands brushing and shoulders bumping and cheeks blushing, before they come upon a small, well-lit ice cream shop. Dan hadn’t even thought about ice cream, but now the light inside the shop may as well be a beacon of heaven.

They keep walking once they’ve got their cones, and Dan can’t hold back his satisfied groan when he takes his first lick and it instantly hits the spot. “God, why isn’t ice cream like, the most popular drunk food?” He asks around his next several licks. “It’s filling, it’s cold, it’s refreshing… it's literally perfect. We’ve been so blind.”

“It’s definitely better than those kebabs you used to slam with your uni mates after the club before stumbling back to my apartment.” Phil says with a shrug, occupied with his own cone.

Dan thinks that Phil’s teasing might be laced with a bit of fond nostalgia, but he could just be projecting. He has plenty of fond nostalgia over having an excuse to pass out in Phil’s bed, half on top of him a couple times a week. He also has some… slightly less fun memories of Phil nursing him back to health if he woke up particularly hungover.

“Hey, those were good times.” Dan defends, though he’s not referring to the kebabs or the clubbing or even his old uni mates. They walk further into the night, slurping their respective ice creams, and Dan lets himself wonder if Phil ever looks back on those times in the same way.

***

He wants to kiss him in London.

It’s not the first time they’ve been here. But it’s the most important.

It’s the start of something new. A huge step forward in their life, a big risk that they’re taking together, trusting each other to pull through.

There’s actual career advancement on the line. Actual grown-up shit. Actual jobs at the actual fucking BBC. They wouldn’t be here without each other, and he’s so happy. So grateful.

Now more than ever, he appreciates how much he's managed to change his life for the better since meeting Phil. How Phil's been there through everything, stuck by him at his absolute messiest. How he’s cared. So much. More than Dan’s ever imagined, more than he deserves.

They build a crappy wardrobe, and they're definitely a little too proud of themselves for it.

It’s right after that, lying side by side on the carpet next to the only piece of furniture that they currently own, that Dan feels that pull again. He feels it less these days, or maybe he just refuses to acknowledge it. It's hard for now, but he figures ignoring it will get easier at some point.

He’s just not there yet.

He wanted to kiss him in London.

But he didn’t.

***

“Stars are so pretty.” Phil sighs. “You know some of the stars we’re looking at right now are already dead? How crazy is that? They’re just… shiny little... beacons of death. So cute.”

“Oh my God, what are you even on about?” Dan mumbles as he rolls his head to the side. They’re both laying down on a bed of soft, slightly damp grass after happening on a quaint little park 15 or so minutes away from the ice cream shop. Conveniently so, as they were both just about dead on their feet.

They’ve been mostly silent, not talking, not touching. Dan gazes into the dark sky and listens to Phil’s deep, steady breathing. He feels like he’s floating, light and breezy in some space between his reality and a dream. It’s definitely not a bad way to be winding down. He checks the time on his phone. It’s nearly midnight.

“Hey Dan?” Phil’s voice pulls him back to the present after a pretty long while. “Have you got any idea where we are?”

Dan sighs softly in reply. “No clue,” he murmurs, resting a hand on his stomach and letting his eyes slide shut.

“Oh.”

Dan furrows his eyebrows when he hears a bit of an edge in Phil’s voice. It takes him a minute to catch on, but when he does, sits straight up so fast that his vision goes a little bit spinny.

“Oh.”

***

He wants to kiss him in Edinburgh, and New York too.

For no particular reason, except that he still wants to kiss him every-fucking-where they go. But he has plenty of reasons not to.

Firstly, they’re working.  They have a professional relationship now. It doesn’t outweigh their friendship by any means, but it’s there. It’s important. They’re coworkers.

And simply put, you don’t kiss your coworker. Doesn’t matter that you’ve been in love with him for three years.

They make a living off of being friends and nothing more than that. Any failed attempt at love now wouldn’t just put their friendship on the line, but their livelihood too.

Their life is good. He refuses to be the one to fuck it all up.

Secondly, kissing Phil has been off the table for a while, anyway.

Along with self expression, along with anything else that might hint at him being not-straight with a gay-as-hell crush on his best friend.

Not just off the table, even. More like fully out of the question. More like aggressively denied.

Some fans love him for it, lots of them hate him for it. He hates himself for it.

He doesn't really care. He only hopes that Phil doesn’t hate him for it.

He wanted to kiss him in Edinburgh, and New York too.

But he didn’t.

***

Trying to get their bearings and retrace their steps back to wherever the hell they’d come from is by far the least fun part of their night. In fact, it’s not fun at all.

Phil worries his bottom lip between his teeth when they pace across the field in what might or might not be the direction they came from. Dan drags his hands over his sweaty scalp and tugs lightly at his hair that’s almost certainly started to curl around the edges.

“I’m sorry, Dan.” Phil sighs after a while, copying Dan and anxiously fixing his own hair. “I really shouldn’t have made us come out tonight, you were right about getting lost.”

Dan frowns when he notes that Phil seems, well… genuinely upset. This has kind of been the most fun he’s had in… a pretty long time. He doesn’t like the idea of Phil regretting it, much less feeling guilty.

“Hey, I went along with it.” He insists. “It’s my fault too. We just need to… fuck, I don’t know, but this is the direction we came from, right? I’m almost positive.”

Phil stops abruptly. “It’s not.” He says quietly after a moment’s pause. “But… oh my God, look.”

Dan follows his gaze and feels his eyes widen when he sees just what Phil’s looking at.

“Holy shit.” He whispers. “Are we gonna…?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

***

He wants to kiss him in Cyprus.

It’s hard for him not to think about it around Bryony and Wirrow, because with them around it feels like a full-on couples vacation.

Which would be the cringiest middle-class white people thing they’ve probably ever done, if that were actually the case. It’s not, though. It’s not a couples vacation; it’s a couple vacationing with their two lanky, emo, painfully single best mates.

Still, his heart flutters when he watches Phil sip down his colorful, sugary cocktail at dinner, the sunset casting angular shadows over his face. Feels nothing but adoration watching him flail in an unsuccessful attempt to swat away the gigantic, pesky Cypriot bugs.

And to no one’s surprise, especially his own, he does nothing to act on it. Doesn’t even entertain it as a real possibility anymore. It hurts. But it's just a pipe dream now.

He wanted to kiss him in Cyprus.

But he didn’t.

***

Cherry blossoms at night might be the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.

Dan fancies himself a bit of a philosopher. Whether or not that notion actually holds any merit is a different story. Still, he’d like to think that all his hours spent facedown in his bed, at his desk, and mostly on the floor haven’t all been for nothing. He’d like to think that he’s formed some sort of coherent opinion on life - why he’s here, what he’s living for, what it all means in the grand scheme of things.

Really, he hasn’t. He waffles too much, he overthinks, and before he knows it he’s back to square one. But he’s learned a couple of things.

First and foremost, that sometimes it’s easier to think in metaphors, as long as they aren’t painfully contrived. Metaphors break things down into simpler terms, put things in perspective.

Cherry blossoms, he read somewhere at some point, are a metaphor. They bloom bright and beautiful when the time is right, and then two weeks later, all too soon, they fall to the ground. Much like existence, they are transient. Fragile. Gone possibly before you can find the time, the perspective, to marvel at them properly. But their fleeting nature doesn’t make them less beautiful when they’re in bloom. Far from it; they’re precious while they last.

Life, from the wholly optimistic perspective he rarely sees, can be the same.

But funnily enough, he’s not actually thinking of that right now.

He’s not actually thinking of much at all.

It’s hard to think, surrounded by so much light.

“I can’t believe we never knew about this.” Phil mumbles from beside him. He’s got his head turned up towards the tree that’s casting its soft pink glow down over and around them. “I totally would’ve forced you to get lost with me sooner.”

He’d almost forgotten not wanting to come out tonight in the first place. I’m glad you forced me out. He wants to say. I’m glad that I’m here with you. But when he turns to his side, Phil’s not standing next to him anymore.

Before he can even panic or call out to him, he spots Phil up ahead just a bit, ambling along among some of the trees that lead down to a nearby river. He’s looking up still, clearly caught up in the ethereal view - seeing the trees lit up, seemingly on their own in the dark, does look kind of like magic. They could be checkpoints in a fantasy rpg, Phil would probably say. Or something of the sort - Dan can always ask him later what’s going on in his mind. Something interesting and strange, he's sure, because Phil’s like that.

He shoves his hands into his pockets and walks up ahead himself, following Phil from a few feet behind. He has a tendency to lose Phil like this - on the street, in parks, in train stations, when he’s zoned out in his own private Phil world. It’s either endearing or incredibly frustrating, depending on the situation. Right now, it’s definitely endearing.

And it's always kind of funny to see how and when Phil comes back to reality, how he fumbles to regain his bearings and is always startled at himself for having spaced out so long.

Well, this time it’s actually not very long. Phil’s only been walking for about a minute before he trips, stumbling forward a few steps, then righting himself and turning his head to the side, confused. Dan knows it’s because Phil was assuming Dan to be next to him this entire time.

“Smooth.” He remarks with a snicker, coming up on Phil’s other side. “That’s what happens when you’re staring at the trees and not watching where you’re going.”

Phil turns with a startled jump before his face falls into a frown. “You were supposed to be next to me!” He complains. “You could’ve warned me I was about to trip on something.”

“You tripped over nothing.” Dan remarks when he looks down at the ground and sees nothing in the immediate vicinity that Phil could’ve tripped on. “Double smooth.”

“I hate you.” Phil grumbles. “And you’ve got petals in your hair.”

Dan’s cheeks heat up against his will when Phil reaches up and plucks them out. They heat up even more when he smooths his hair back into place for him. They’re on fire when Phil’s hand lingers for a second before he drops it back down to his side, resuming his walking with Dan actually next to him this time.

“The trees don’t even look real, right?” Phil asks, glancing up at them again, briefly and with much more caution this time. “I feel like some NPC from a fantasy game should be living inside.”

Dan has to bite back a grin. Okay, an NPC, not a checkpoint, but still. That psychic connection that their audience, friends and family accuse them of having really is uncanny at times.

“I could see that.”

They stop walking when they reach the edge of the river. There’s a bridge about 20 feet away from them that crosses over and leads to more cherry blossom trees on the other side, but they stay put, watching the lanterns that float along in the water.

When he looks at Phil, he sees the river reflected in his eyes and the warm pink light shining behind him and realizes that actually, the cherry blossoms are only the second prettiest thing he’s ever seen.

He feels something click into place.

“Phil.” He sighs. 

He doesn’t know what he’s doing now besides chasing whatever feeling, whatever tug, whatever heat, whatever rush of courage he’s got washing over him, cementing his resolve. Whether he likes it or not, he’s not backing out this time.

There’s a storm of emotion looming very close in the distance. It’ll remain unnamed and indiscernible until he reaches his outcome here. Right now it’s only adrenaline, his racing heart and sweaty palms tell him as much.

He swallows down the lump in his throat.

“Phil.” He repeats in a slightly steadier tone of voice. “I need to tell you something, I—”

He turns to Phil and immediately can’t finish his sentence. He’s cut off when Phil’s lips are suddenly pressed against his own.

He freezes, his mouth slack and his arms hanging dumbly at his sides while his brain races to catch up with what the fuck is actually happening. Phil’s kissing him. Phil’s right here, right in front of him, he’s cupping his face and kissing him.

The delayed realization hits him like a freight train. His eyes slip shut and suddenly he’s a live wire, hot and electric from his head down to the tips of his toes and his inner voice screams KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM BACK YOU IDIOT.

Phil pulls away before he can and Dan can’t breathe. He can’t even bring himself to open his eyes until a few seconds later. He waits for his vision to refocus and then locks eyes with Phil.

Phil’s taken several steps back from him, eyes wide and his expression utterly terrified, color drained out of his cheeks and both hands clasped tightly over his mouth.

“Oh my god, Dan.” His voice is muffled by his hands but Dan can still hear how shaky it is. “I’m so sorry, I’m— I shouldn’t have— I don’t know what—”

Phil, he realizes, is apologizing. Apologizing for kissing him. He feels his heart plunge all the way down to his feet and back up because Phil’s apologizing for kissing him and that’s fully unacceptable. His body feels like it’s running on autopilot when he surges forward, tugging Phil’s hands away from his mouth and just barely registering the desperation in his eyes before he grabs his face and kisses him again.

He kisses him hard and Phil’s reaction speed is far better than Dan’s because he kisses him back immediately, heated and urgent and impassioned.

They break apart technically sooner than Dan would like, but as far as he’s concerned, they now have more pressing matters to attend to.

“Phil.” He rasps, knowing that his pupils are surely blown as big and dark as Phil’s when he looks into them. “We need to get back to the hotel. Right fucking now.”

*

In the end, it's a matter of swallowing their pride and stumbling through a half-coherent conversation with a very patient park-goer, who does eventually understand what the hell they're trying to say and points them in the right direction.

Actually getting back to the hotel is a blur.

What's not a blur is the fact that Phil's mouth is on his again before the door's even closed behind him. That’s when everything turns crystal clear. His whole body’s on fire when they fall in a mess of tangled limbs onto the bed, kicking off shoes and wrestling each other out of clothes.

He straddles Phil once they’re both down to just their pants, their bodies pressing tight together when he leans down and slots their mouths together again

It's not quite the tender, romantic confession that Dan had been planning on.

But it turns out that he’s just as fine with words and half-sentences spoken in haste when they’re panting hot and heavy against each other’s mouths.

Phil scratches his nails lightly down Dan’s back and Dan tells him he wants him, wants him so bad. Phil flips them over and presses him into the mattress and latches his mouth onto the warm, sensitive skin of Dan’s neck and murmurs between hot open mouthed kisses all over that he wants him too, so so much, that he’s wanted this forever, since before they even met.

Dan feels like he could cry.

But he settles instead for an obscene moan when Phil kisses him roughly and slots their legs together and grinds his hips down and Dan notices that he’s just as painfully hard as him.

“Phil, please.” He whispers into one more kiss before Phil latches onto his neck again. Phil really doesn’t hold back, nipping and sucking and biting and there’s no way that Dan’s coming out of this without any hickeys but that’s fine. He wants to be marked. He waits for Phil to pull back a bit before reaching down in between them, hastily pushing down both of their waistbands so that Phil’s hard length is rutting against his and his precum smears onto Dan’s belly.

He feels the blood thrumming hot and fast though his veins, up and down his entire body with every hammering heartbeat. All he registers is Phil’s hot breath against his neck and chest and the sound of skin on skin and the white hot sparks of pleasure that start in his groin and travel all the way down to the tips of his fingers and toes.

“I’m… close.” He moans through gritted teeth when he feels his balls drawing up tight, wrapping one leg around Phil’s waist for leverage and meeting each thrust with his own. His squeeze shut and he sees stars and muffles his moan against Phil’s shoulder when he spills hot and fast in between their bodies. Phil’s hips stutter and he follows right after, and Dan kisses him and clings to him while he rides it out and then promptly collapses on top of him.

For a while there are no words. Just slow, deep breaths and tiny kisses pressed into any available bit of salty skin before Phil finally finds the strength to roll off to the side and halfheartedly clean them both up with the corner of the bedsheet.

They lay side by side, flat on their backs, chests flushed and bodies shimmering with a thin gleam of sweat and then at the same time, turn their heads to face each other and burst into disbelieving laughter.

“Oh my God. Jesus fucking Christ.” Dan manages, tucking his body up against Phil’s side and laying his head on his shoulder. “We actually just did that.”

“We did.” Phil sighs, and reaches over to grab Dan’s hand resting on his chest and lace their fingers together. “We should, uh. Probably talk.”

“In a minute.” Dan whispers.

When they do get to talking, the words exchanged are balm to a burn that’s been scarring Dan’s soul for so many years, for far too long. They talk late into the night, confessions and jokes and apologies and every way of saying I love you without actually speaking the three words, until they both can’t keep their eyes open any more.

They fall asleep tangled up in each other. For the first time in six years, Dan finally rests easy.

*

“Don’t wanna go home.” Dan mumbles, stretched out on his belly with his face mushed into his pillow the next morning. The sun streaming in from between the curtains is an unwelcome presence as far as he’s concerned. Phil runs his fingers lightly up and down Dan’s spine, pauses to rub between his shoulderblades, and taps on his cheek until Dan turns his head and lets himself be kissed.

“I know.” Phil sighs, burrowing closer and nudging his nose against Dan’s. “Me neither.”

It seems unfair, really, that they’re being pushed right back into their everyday grind when they’ve only just made such an amazing, dream-come-true level discovery. They need to go back to England, go back to work. And going back to work means… well, hiding in the closet. The idea of it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

“Nothing has to change.” Phil tells him, as if he’s read Dan’s mind. “I want you back home just as much as I want you here. We’ll…” He sighs, because he surely knows they’re not in for an easy ride. “I don’t know. We’ll figure it out. I’ll do whatever if you will too.”

“I’ll do whatever.” Dan answers without hesitation, melting into the warm kiss that Phil presses against his mouth. “Definitely.”

Hours later, he falls asleep next to Phil on the plane, letting his head rest against his shoulder with a final, half-conscious thought that sends a burst of warmth blooming throughout his chest.

He wanted to kiss him in Japan.

So he did.

this fic was prompted/inspired by lost in japan by shawn mendes.

also if you don't know what nighttime cherry blossom viewing looks like, look here because it's very very pretty and you can imagine how it might inspire one to finally kiss their crush of 6 years (inspo for the trees in this fic drawn mainly from #3 on the list)

thanks for reading!

[brunt-f-c-a]

i suck at making online friends i cant up upkeep the consistent interaction needed and the fact that it is literally words on a screen takes a lot of stuff i have learned to use to help me socialize out of the interaction. i always end up in some awkward conversation about "what do you do" or whatever and i hate it. who would have fucking thought that lack of internet social skills would have ended up more debilitating than irl skills? group chats and blog interactions are different because i don't have to sustain long interactions i can drop my bs and leave or i can hop onto a convo. and talking to people i already know is easy because I've bypassed the awkward. but new folks? christ i walk into a discord server and half the time the rules list alone makes me feel like i either have to walk like a baby deer to avoid stepping on toes or i have to be lured out from under the porch with a can of tuna. there's always a ban or trigger list the size of the declaration of independence that has the most mundane crap on it (your triggers are valid but jesus christ i cant just talk about what i had for dinner? in a non eating disorder centralized chat. just a general chat with like 100+ folks) and a sense of pressure to be palatable to others at all times. and i don't have that irl. i don't care about what folks i see in the daily think about me. it's not my problem. online somehow feels like the place i have to hide now. people don't come up to me and give me death threats on the street. but i had to change the settings in my own ask box cuz folks are cruel online. just let me be mad for a minute

having internet friends is the same as having irl friends but backwards. when you first meet someone irl the first thing you see is your face, and the first thing you learn is their name. maybe you ask where they're from, what their family is like, what they like to do in their free time. you have to figure out if you want to be friends. but if you make friends over the internet, you already have a shared interest. you might learn each other's routines, timezones, different habits. but learning their real name is a big deal. face reveals are an even bigger deal. the things you usually first learn about someone are some of the last things you learn about someone you meet online. you're making friends, but backwards.