#i hate the class i'm teaching and its stressful and not fun at all for me and reminds me of the first time I was depressed

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

i dont think i'm gonna be able to silver linings my way outta this one

[starringthesturniolos]

bite me- matt sturniolo

part one

summary- matt has always hated your guts, but everything changes when he wakes up and finds out your his mate.

contains- vampire!matt x reader, enemies to lovers, smut (not in this part), themes of death, dark themes, high school au! (18 yrs old)

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your pov.

“and y/n l/n, your assigned seat is next to matthew sturniolo.” my new math teacher says with finality as his eyes sweep the room. “matthew, please raise your hand” he continues clearly acknowledging the fact that he doesn’t know any student by name yet.

while the teacher was making a rendezvous trying to figure out where matt was sitting, my eyes were bulging out of my head and matts usual stoic face turned into a scowl. we lock eyes and they harden at the sight of each other. matt scoffs before shifting his eyes to the teacher, and I already know he's going to protest before he says a word.

“teach, i know you don’t know me, but my birthdays tommorrow, and i don’t really do y/n." he says while rudely gesturing to my figure, "sooo, you gotta switch the seating chart up.” matt pierces me with his gaze before offering the teacher a very fake smile.  mr. dunn, the name I assume is his considering that its written on the whiteboard, just looks back at him clearly unimpressed with his negotiation skills. matt takes the hint and tries again. “for everyone else’s sake?” he questions and  gestures to the rest of students in the room. everyone bobs their heads up and down in silent agreement. 

its no secret that me and matthew don’t get along. ever since freshman year, we’ve had a strange animosity towards each other. matt carries himself like he’s better than everyone else. he does it even now, trying to negotiate with the teacher like he makes the rules. i can’t help but agree with him, though. if we end up sitting next to each other it will be a huge distraction. matt and i have been escorted out of classrooms for starting screaming matches before. 

“your all gonna have to deal with it. this is not my problem” mr. dunn says completely blowing everyone off. I drag my feet over to matt, sighing as i let the year ahead of us sink in. “way to go tiger, maybe if you had asked instead of demanded in the first place, he might of listened.” I say as I plop down into my seat.

“okay well, at least i said something. didn’t hear you talkin” he replies smugly and folds his arms over his chest.  Even though he’s acting like a child, i have to stop myself from openly gawking at his arm

 damn, tattoos are definitely my thing.

“the fuck you looking at.” he snaps. 

tattoos are definitely NOT my thing.

i roll my eyes.  “nothing, mop” i  smirk as soon as i say it  because i know how much he hates that stupid nickname. 

“stop calling me that!” matt says a little too loudly causing the teacher to spin around from the white board and glare in his direction. matt quickly shuts his mouth and starts to play with the strings of his hoodie in shame. i can’t stop the laugh that ripples through my chest at matts’ pussy reaction. mr. dunn swings his glare to me, but ,unlike matt, i don’t care. 

i’ll just switch out this class, simple.

 i make up my mind then and there. i'm not dealing with matt  AND a shitty teacher. 

“anywayss” mr. dunn drones on turning back to the white board  still annoyed by the disruption. i look back over at matt to make fun of him, only to see his eyes shut tight and his whole body tensed up. i can see the lean muscles in his forearms bulging from the strain. 

“um what are you doing??” i question more than a little confused. he snaps out of it and slowly opens his eyes. “mind your business” he mutters.

this is going to be a longgg year. 

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matts pov.

“chris im telling you, i almost lost it in there.” i say panicked as i pace around my room. we’ve been out of school for about 8 hours and i’m still stressed about it. about almost losing control and killing everyone in the classroom today.

 chris gets up and grabs my shoulders. 

“bro its okay. it happens, give yourself a break. not very many vampires control themselves the way you do. when they get angry, they just snap.” chris says more casually then anyone else would on the subject, like its a normal thing. but both him and i know that nothing about what we are is normal. 

i take a deep breath, my eyes straining from the stress of it all. “i just don’t know why i let her get under my skin like that, you know. i shouldn’t ever feel like i'm about to “snap”", I say frustration seeping through my tone. i continue to take quick steps around the room, paying unnecessarily close attention to each step.

 if she had any idea what i was, she’d never bother me again, a dark voice in my mind breaks through, much to my annoyance.

 its true, us vampires are monsters through and through. even ones like me, chris, and nick who try our best to be good. we may act and look the part, but our desires are always evil. we will always be evil.

“sooo, are you excited to find out who your mate is, or what?” chris' voice cuts through the quiet that settled in the room, making my thoughts reel in a different direction.

turning day. the day in which a vampire is born. once a vampire has hit 10 yrs since their turning day,  their mates are revealed to them. its like a bomb goes off in their head and suddenly they feel completely connected to someone else.  like their souls are one, or so I've heard.

“snap out of it matt! stop spacing out and shit, its getting really annoying” chris says clearly agitated i didn’t answer his question from earlier.

“sorry” i answer sitting next to him on my bed.  after that theres a brief silence, me and chris left alone with our own thoughts. 

“Are you excited though?” chris ask quietly, clearly conflicted himself. i’m not the only one getting a mate, after all, chris and nick turned the same day i did. 

you were born on the same day and you died on the same day. what a coincidence, my dark inner voice practically chuckled at the revelation. I shudder from the thought of it.

i take a deep breath and close my eyes as i feel the stress returning. 

“i just hope shes not human.” I whisper, almost more to myself then to chris.

“yeah, me too.” chris agrees and i hum in response. its late at night, me and chris have been hanging out and nicks nowhere to be found. 

“where’s nick?” i ask. chris gets up and stretches. “i have no idea bro.” he yawns. “ but i gotta go to bed, im tired as shit. tell eachother about our mates in the morning?” chris ask, turning to me before actually leaving my room. 

“yeah sure” I replied, even though we both know neither of us are going to want to talk about it.

 we are going to want to find them and claim them as ours.

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my alarm clock goes off. I threw the covers off my body, hot all of a sudden. vampires dont get hot. i roll my eyes. it must be the stupid mating bond thing, then.

i shut my eyes, knowing that the first person i see is going to be  my mate for life.

please let her be pretty and please let her not be human. 

one, two, three seconds go by, but still nothing. Then, her face pops up in my mind.

“FUCK” i scream. 

at least she’s pretty

a worried chris runs into my room. “what? what's wrong, matt?” he shakes my shoulders trying to get an answer. i look up at him slowly.

“its y/n” i whisper. 

@bbernard-03

@mattslolita

[causenessus]

omg i hate that guy <- not really anymore,, he's a good teacher my grades shot up SO fast (D->A within three months of him teaching) BUT LIKEEEE HES BEEN TEACHING ME SINCE 8TH GRADE AND SAYS LIKE 1 GOOD THING EVERY 6 MONTHS

HE ARRIVED AS SOON AS I READ UR ANSWER

he said i did well today 😎 and if i study properly ill do the same in all my next exams !!1! i have to start a bunch of different coachings eww

ANYWAYS i woke up at like 5 today (us moment) !! idk why because i had online classes that started from 9

sleep early tho!!!!!!! i hate waking up and i hate sleeping i hate everything actually

i conked out at 11:30pm last night (omfg i did not know i could do that)

im doing so good (still high off the grades) but like lowkey panicking bc of the next exams !! my goal is to beat my sister's records <//3 basically she's pike crazy good and got 7 A* and 1 B </3 i alr got an A* in the subject she got a B in, and then i have like 7 more subjects to give exams of :[

but like she is ACTUALLY so good at studies n shit she got the highest grades in her batch in biology in this years board exams (wtf!) and when she gave her 10th grade boards she got like the highest marks in economics in 34 years/basically the whole school history i will cry .

the english teacher i have rn is fucking insane she told us callous and careless are the same thing i almost cried

she also spelled ajar as ajure

NOW YOU MIGHT SAY but lina thats hecking stupid !! its not her first language:( SHE HAS A DEGREE?? AND IS THE HEAD OF THE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT ??? and she took up four classes (4hrs) just talking about the SYLLABUS not even what we're learning

im aiming for like,, country highest at least in english so having her is a terrifying thought

ALSO A GIRL FROM THE BATCH ABOVE ME GOT WORLD HIGHEST IN HER MATH BOARD EXAM (100%!?!?)

okay anyways ill go erm sorry for yapping.. IM STARTING MY HEALTHY STUDY GIRL ERA AND STUDY NOW!!! honestly im quite proud of myself because like a year and a bit ago my grades were like,, 1 U, 3 Ds, 5 Cs and 1 B like wtf .. anyways the subject i got a U in back then,, i got 90% in boards this year ! and my lowest grade recently was 80% like chat we r eating ts up

IVE TALKED ENOUGH THANKS FOR LISTENING OR WHATEVER NOW I FEEL EMBARRASSED

STAY SAFE AND HYDRATED NESS ILY ILY ILY BYEBYE :)

DON'T FEEL EMBARASSED!!!!! I LOVE TO HEAR YOU TALK <3333 (sorry i got distracted and immediately read the bottom paragraph LET ME READ FROM THE START) LMAO I'M GLAD YOUR TUTOR IS GOOD AT TEACHING!! EVEN IF HE'S NOT NICE 😔😔😔 KNOW THAT YOU'RE DOING SO WELL LINA!!! I'LL COMPLIMENT U AND CHEER U ON IF HE WON'T <3

LINA SIDE TAGENT THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH i love how energetic your writing is!!! like it's rubbing off on me <33 i was feeling a little sleepy but now that i'm reading your ask i feel more like !!! awake!!!! this is all /pos I JUST WANTED TO SAY I LOVE THE WAY YOU TALK </33 BUT PLEASE 5 AM???? AND YOUR FIRST ONLINE CLASS IS AT 9??? PLEASE BRO WHY IS THAT THE USUAL?? 😭 WHEN MY FIRST CLASSES WERE ONLINE IN HIGH SCHOOL I FR WOKE UP AT LIKE 8 EVERYDAY (bc idk how they were for you but like google meets were once a week and optional bc they'd just record it anyway so i'd watch the recordings at like 2x speed while doomscrolling tumblr or something)

YOU SLEEP EARLY PLEASE!! or like sleep more idk 😭😭 i could never wake up at 5 am willingly you're amazing for that 😭 the "i hate everything actually" is SO real it made me laugh so hard PLEASE 😭

YOUR SISTER SOUNDS CRAZY??? LIKE GOOD LUCK BEATING HER RECORDS IG </3 BUT PLEASE DON'T STRESS YOURSELF OUT OR MAKE IT A BIG DEAL !! YOU DID AMAZING THIS TIME AROUND WITH YOUR EXAMS AND IK YOU'LL DO GREAT AGAIN BUT DEFINITELY DON'T STRESS YOURSELF OUT TOO MUCH PLEASE!! i cannot believe the thing about your sister having the highest grades in ECONOMICS in like 34 years because economics is NOT fun that class made like 0 sense to me like bro if the global market is crashing and economists don't understand it HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND IT ?????????

CALLOUS AND CARELESS ARE THE SAME THING????????? HELLO????????????? HOW IS SHE A TEACHER I'M SO SORRY BUT LIKE EVEN IF IT'S NOT HER FIRST LANGUAGE THAT MEANS NOTHING LIKE BEING AN ENGLISH TEACHER IS NOT THE ONLY JOB OUT THERE IF SHE CAN'T TEACH ENGLISH THEN LIKE MAYBE SHE CAN TEACH SOMETHING ELSE??? BC I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE LETTING HER TEACH IF SHE'S DOING THINGS LIKE THAT 😭 AND SHE'S THE HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT AND EVERYTHING??? EVEN CRAZIER???? good luck with your goals though!! i believe in u <3

WHY IS YOUR GRADE BREAKING LIKE ALL THESE RECORDS?????? LIKE I KEEP READING MORE PARAGRAPHS AND WITH EVERY WORD MY CONFIDENCE IN MY OWN SCHOLARLY ACCOMPLISHMENTS IS DEPLETING LMAO 😭😭 I DID NOT BREAK ANY RECORDS BUT GOOD FOR U GUYS!!!

amazing job with the better grades!! and i love your healthy study girl era!! please make sure to take care of yourself and keep your mind and body nourished <333 i hope you're doing alright!! i just saw something on your blog recently that made me want to make sure you're doing alright!!! please know that my dms are always open to you!! <33 take it easy and you're an amazing person <3 you're so sweet and talented please let me know if you need anything!!

[xcrystalzero]

finals never end

summary: as finals approach, i would like to imagine that there is something more to college than studying alone in a box for 14 hours a day. so, here's a modern au of the genshin boys as college students.

Characters included: Diluc, Kaeya, Childe, Xiao, Zhongli

Diluc:

- Who are we kidding, this bitch is a legacy at some pricy Ivy League. Hates when people bring it up though since he just wants to be his own person and not rely on his family name to get through things.

- Majors in business because of course he does. Rushed a business frat because it seemed like a good idea. Didn't get a bid and has since boycotted greek life.

- Eventually people find out who his father is and he starts to get bombarded by people who just basically want to use him for networking. Gets approached by girls (and sometime guys) after class like literally every day, asking if he wants to study with them sometime or just "hang out" both because he's hot and because he's rich. He never gives them the time of day but that never stops them.

- Goes to the same school as Kaeya but ignores him every time he tries to talk to him or just come back into his life. Kaeya usually takes it in stride but every else is super confused about how the two of them actually know each other.

- Walks you home from class when it starts to get darker earlier, apparently only because he doesn't have anything better to do. A gentleman through and through.

"Don't you have a meeting right now?"

"You staying safe is more important right now. They'll understand."

Kaeya:

- You know that one guy who is always out partying and who you never see studying but somehow makes the Dean's List every single semester without fail? Yeah, that's Kaeya.

- He's probably like an engineering or hard science major too and all his friends are absolutely pissed when he fucks up the curve every single time.

"You got a 98 on the orgo final???" "What, like it's hard?"

- Not as much of a hoe as everyone thinks he is. He definitely has his fun but he's not that guy who has slept his way through his entire major.

- Surprisingly enough, he's not actually in a frat, he just always knows where all the parties are. He's that guy with a snap score in the millions because everyone and their cousin hits him up every Friday night to ask where the parties are at.

-Generally seen as a really easy person to talk too. Also really good at seeming open with people without actually ever opening up and sharing anything about himself.

- With his very few close friends however, he has some strange hobbies that he's always happy to have someone to share with.

-Will take you on a picnic date about a mile off campus where you guys each way too much cheese and crackers, drink about a bottle of wine each, and watch the stars come out as the sun sets. Give the boy some love. That's all he really wants.

Venti:

-Your local friendly performing arts major who you never find without a huge iced coffee and cuffed jeans.

- He's super involved in a bunch of student organizations from improv to a few music clubs and the like. He's that person that everyone in his major knows and comes to for recommendations about new things that they should try out.

- He's in a band! They play indie songs at rotating bars every Tuesday and Thursday night and go to conferences once a semester for aspiring artists. Also sometimes will randomly perform on the Quad and serenade the random people passing by just trying to get to class.

-Offers to play at an event a club you're in is hosting as long as there's free snacks.

- Kind of an alcoholic? Not a partier in the traditional sense, but at least twice a week, he'll host a hangout where he and anyone who decides to show up get wine drunk and watch a shit ton of Gilmore Girls. BYOB of course because there's no way he could afford it on his own. Has shown up to class still drunk before but he's cute so everyone forgives him.

- Impromptu photo shoots all the time with him. Whether its a cute random flower patch, the soft neon signs outside of a boba shop, or graffiti painted onto a building wall, everything is an insta opportunity.

Xiao:

- That mysterious kid sitting in the back of your lecture wearing all black who is both undeniably hot and also exceedingly intimidating.

- Either an animal sciences major because animals are just better than humans, or he's like like history/english and spends a lot of time reading.

- He's that guy who stops communicating after the first day of your group project and you're really worried that they're just not going to finish their work but they end up sending it to you perfectly complete like a week early. Also, will talk/text you one-on-one but dislikes group meetings and group chats.

- He's in a band too! They actually play with Venti and his friends a lot and even though he admires him a lot, he's never gotten around to actually talking to Venti.

- Doesn't let people come over because then his frighteningly large collection of Funko-Pops and anime merch will be revealed.

- Also a dancer! He's not on a team or anything since he had some bad experiences with teams when he was younger, but he heads down to the studio at least 2 times a week just to move and let out some stress. If he offers to teach you sometime, that means he really really likes you.

- Asked if you wanted to go see the Demon Slayer movie with him and then showed up in a black mask and sunglasses because he didn't want anyone to recognize him.

Childe:

- Idk why but he kind of gives off athlete vibes??? Maybe like a basketball player or something?

- A bit of a campus celebrity just in that basically everyone, even if they aren't in the same major or aren't into sports, or just basically have no connection to him, still somehow know about him.

- He's a PR major and that charm is no joke. Some people kind of despise him because of the way he is literally able to effortlessly win over all of the recruiters and just random people he meets. He's extremely well-loved and he knows it.

- He's in a frat but outside of like mandatory events, doesn't spend all that much time with them. When he does party though, he goes hard.

- Doesn't actively flirt with anyone but he's just so charming and amiable that sometimes it comes across that way. Girls are always like "he's so respectful and nice I'm in love with him." He never feels the same way.

- Extremely competitive. Like the most competitive person you have literally ever met. He has to win everything and if he doesn't, he'll just keep trying and trying until he does. Literally the worst person to play beer pong with because he's not letting you go until he wins.

- Asks you to come to his games even though you barely even know the rules. If he does see you in the crowd, he gets way too hyped but plays the best he has all season. Make sure you take the credit for it.

Zhongli:

- That guy in your required philosophy class who argues with the professor. Not in an annoying "I'm smart and want an excuse to mansplain" kind of way though. He's actually just absurdly well-read and wants to discuss things instead of just listening to someone talk.

- People get annoyed with him because he's kind of disrupting class but if you actually listen to what he's saying, his ideas make a lot of sense and are kind of a mind-fuck at times.

- Has an extensive collection of plants at home and somehow manages to keep all of them alive and thriving. Also collects antique tea sets and goes to great lengths to make sure that they are taken care of.

- Probably actually a philosophy or anthropology major. Always has a new book recommendation and he's a darling who actually reads from every genre.

- Spends his free time going to museums in the area or visiting historical landmarks that are close enough to the university. Loves walking everywhere so that he can just take time to enjoy scenery and the like.

- You mention that there's a new exhibit at the local art gallery and he says that he's actually going there that evening if you would like to join him. And I mean, why would you refuse?

A.N. I'm gonna go back to studying now! Hope you enjoyed!

[shihozaki]

hi can i request an matchup for haikyuu please? i use she/her pronouns, i'm empathetic/optimistic and i'm really good at comforting people! i don't like violence so when i see people arguing/fighting i get really panicky and i try my best to stop them, (I'm an infp 9w8 so it's in my nature to keep everything in peace). i lecture my friends when they do something wrong/dangerous and i'm always checking up on them but i'm really forgetful and clumsy, im forbidden to carry anything fragile and i daydream/zone out a lot so i easily get lost and i walk into things by accident- also i have a hard time defending myself/saying no to people :') when i'm stressed i get super emotional and cry over the most smallest things, i also cry when someone is hurt or was/in danger but besides that i'm really bubbly/giggly! my zodiac sign is scorpio and my house is hufflepuff! i'm protective over the ones i love and i wont hesitate to take a bullet for them. when im sleepy i get really affectionate/clingy and i'll ramble about the most random things. i'm super into conspiracy theories/horror movies but i get scared so easily- i love to read!! i bring a book with me everywhere i go and i used to volunteer to read to little kids and teach them how to read as well :D i'm 5'6 with dark auburn hair and brown eyes, i have freckles on my face and i have fairish skin. i would appreciate it if my s/o was protective but not to the point where it's too overbearing! also someone who can encourage and motivate me! my favorite color is purple and my biggest fear is spiders, i kid you not i don't care if its even an inch long i'll freak out and beg for someone to take it away- im so sorry this is so long, i tried my best to be as specific and short as much as possible please spare me ashjkhlfgh. you can use y/n or annie it’s your choice! have a great day <3

Thank you for requesting! I also enjoy conspiracy theories, and i added one of my favourite theories in the scenario :)

I pair you up with Kei Tsukkishima!

- Tsukishima is… quite the opposite of you. But opposites attract, and you guys are a match made in heaven!

- You first met him when you were lost in thought and tripped in the middle of the halls. Tsukkishima catched you right before you fell, and that was when everything started.

- Tsukkishima is WAY taller than you. Definitely tries to make fun of you for that. But because of that, he thinks it’s adorable when his hoodies are too big for you.

- He loves talking about conspiracy theories with you, playfully arguing with you is one of his favourite things to do.

- Whenever you guys cuddle and you fall asleep on him, Tsukkishima counts your freckles for fun. He would never admit it, but it calms him down.

- Remember when Tsukkishima got hurt when he was versing Shiratorizawa? Yeah, you almost cried while wrapping up his hand. Even though Tsukki was the one that got hurt, he had to calm YOU down.

- Kisses you out of the blue often. You could be doing baking or reading and he would just randomly give a small peck.

- Since you have a hard time saying “no” to people, he often says them for you. Whenever you give him the I-want-to-go-home-please eyes, he immediately picks it up and steps in. He’s surprisingly overprotective.

- Whenever you’re stressed and you’re crying, he pulls you into his chest and starts stroking your hair to calm you down.

- Overall you guys are in a very chill and safe relationship. He never admits it, but you got him wrapped around your finger.

- Also you steal his glasses sometimes and pretend to be him- he says he hates it but in reality, he thinks it's cute.

Scenario: When you first meet Tsukkishima!

‘Birds cannot be real.’ You thought as you walked through your school’s hallway. You had recently watched a Yootoob video about birds being intellectual spy drones designed by the government, and honestly, it kind of made sense. ‘But would that mean all birds were AIs? Even the pets?’ You shook your head. ‘No, maybe only some species of birds are robots. Not all the birds in the world can be drones.’ You started to list the species of birds you knew, until you felt your body fell forward. You shut your eyes, preparing for the cold floor to hit your face, but it never came. Instead you were greeted by a tall boy who had catched you. You quickly backed away from him, embarrassed. “Sorry! I mean, thank you!” You blurted out. A soft chuckle escaped from the boy. He pulled down his headphones. “You’re welcome. You should watch where you’re going.” Said the boy. He was tall. Was he a Third year? You gave a smile. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be worried! This happens a lot.” You held out your hand. “I’m Annie.” The boy stared at your hand. ‘Does he not know what a handshake is?’ You thought to yourself. “I’m Tsukkishima.” He replied, before giving a hesitant hand shake before walking away. You watched him disapear into a classroom, and wondered if you’ll ever see Tsukkishima again. Meanwhile, Tsukkishima walked to his class, wondering who he had just spoken to, and why his heart was beating so fast.

Song: Cheerleader by OMI

Thank you for requesting, I hope you enjoyed it! Constructive criticism is always welcome, so don’t hesitate to pop into the chat! I hope to see you again soon :)

[peachybowen]

stupid • r.b

series masterlist

pt.1 pt.2

pairing: ricky bowen x reader

warnings: none

songs: Falling For U by Peachy! and mxmtoon, Wondering by Julia Lester and Olivia Rodrigo

words: 3.6k

AND ALSO I’M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE A MASTERLIST 🤪 YOU CAN SEE WHAT I’M WORKING ON AND YEAHHH

A/N: feedback is always appreciated 🥺 I’m sorry if you find any grammar mistakes. Enjoy xx

I have dreamed of playing the lead since 5th grade. Of course I didn't tell anyone besides my brother and Cousin. When I got home last night, my brother and I talked. He was happy for me. Ej also said that he was really proud of me but he also added that he thinks that Nini deserved better.

,,Yo, what's up? I'm trading in my East High Leopards gear to be a Wildcat, starting today, because it's the day of the read-through! Blessed to be playing Chad. Swipe up for a link to tickets.'' EJ said holding his phone up, smiling the whole time.

,,Hi!'' Ash and I exclaimed simultaneously, walking up to EJ.

,,Say hi to my cousin and my little sister and bye to my cousin and sister.'' he turned his phone off and put it in his jeans pocket.

,,You're in a good mood.'' I mentioned and continued walking beside him, with Ash on his other side.

,,That's just for the fans, Y/N. Inside I'm a bucket of sad.'' he stated and I looked at Ash and then at him.

,,You still not over the not-getting Troy thing?'' Ash asked.

,,I put 3 years into this drama department and now I have to understudy my girlfriend's ex?'' he turned to me.

,,No offense Y/N.” he added and I just laughed and waved it off.

,,I know it sucks. But, I mean; Y/N is Gabriella and I don't think we would want an incest couple in our play, you know.'' Ash explained and I cringed at the thought.

,,Ash is 100% right.'' I agreed and started walking faster, Ash right behind me.

When we arrived at the rehearsal room, I saw Ej putting the Chad Danford card next to the Gabriella one. Ricky and I didn't talk much since the auditions and maybe, just maybe, that was my fault. I have been avoiding him, which was actually pretty hard considering I had almost all my classes with him. He tried to talk to me here and there but I just hummed in response most of the time. Honestly I was just trying to get over my crush on him. He still wasn't over Nini and he actually wanted to take part in the musical for her and I kinda ruined his chances because she did not get the lead. I also didn't want to ruin our friendship. We were friends since kindergarten and I wanted to keep him as a friend. After the auditions, Ash came over. She actually told me not to avoid Ricky but I just thought it was a good idea. Of course Ej agreed with me.

,,Could everyone take their assigned seats?'' Ms.Jenn asked loud enough for everone to hear. I walked to my seat and noticed that Ej put the cards back to how they were.  I sat down with a sigh. Soon after Miss Jenn actually asked Big Red to read the stage directions because Natalie, the stage director, wasn't there. And like 5 seconds after that Ricky took the seat next to me. I looked at Ash, who was sitting across from me. She smiled and turned her attention to the blonde drama teacher.

,,I realize that you all walked in here as strangers.'' she started looking at us.

,,Actually, I'm Y/N and EJ’s, cousin!'' Ashlyn corrected. I could see Ricky looking at me out of the corner of my eye but I just ignored him.

,,But after today, you're a family. Please take your neighbors' hand.'' she finished and everyone did what the teacher said. I took Gina's hand and turned my head to Ricky, who was holding his hand out for me. I took his hand but avoided eye contact.

,,Hand.'' Ms.Jenn said as soon as she saw that Ej and Ricky weren't holding hands. Their heads shot in my direction when they heard me giggle. I stopped immediately.

,,Feel each other's energy. Let the silence speak volumes. In a world full of no, this is a space full of yes.'' the drama teacher preached.

,,Nice. Did you just come up with that?'' Carlos whispered to the middle-aged woman.

,,I did.'' she replied, smiling at him. It was silent. Nobody said anything and I could feel Ricky staring again and I just turned my head to Gina and smiled at her. Seconds later Ms.Jenn started singing ''We're all in this together.''. I let go of Ricky and Gina's hand and looked at the script on my table, highlighting my lines. Ash started to clap after Ms.Jenn finished singing. Nobody clapped beside her so she stopped and everyone looked at her.

,,"Sharpay heads for class, hears singing," "opens the door to the biology lab." "She finds Gabriella and Taylor washing their hands." "They turn to find there are no paper towels in the dispenser. They-'''' Big Red was disrupted by Miss Jenn before he could continue reading.

,,Try to read the punctuation.'' she instructed and smiled at the redhead.

,,"Sharpay comma heads for class period.'''' he said and I grinned. He was so oblivious sometimes it was cute.

We took a break after reading act one. I was talking to Ash but I also kinda watched my brother and Nini talking. And, yes, Ricky looked at them too. Nini got a text, she laughed, and Ricky was on his phone so it was kinda obvious that he sent her a meme or something like that. Ej glared at him and sat down again.

,,Cool glasses.'' I turned my head to see Seb taking a seat next to Ashlyn. She smiled.

,,Thanks. They're my grandmas.'' she acknowledged.

,,I have the same ones at home.'' he laughed.

,,Really? Why?'' I asked, trying to join the conversation again.

,,So, I can see when I'm milking.'' he replied and I was confused.

Milking?

Before I had the chance to ask what he meant by that, Miss Jenn said that we were gonna continue.

I was on stage waiting for Ricky. Ms.Jenn wanted us to start rehearsing early and I wasn't really thrilled. When he came running in, he said that he was sorry for being late.

,,We're diving into page 97.'' Ms.Jenn directed and handed us the script.

,,You mean the last scene?'' Ricky asked just as confused as I was. The teacher just hummed in response.

,,You wanna rehearse this? It's just one line.'' I also asked.

,,Yeah, I've got one, too.'' Ricky stated turning to me.

,,And then there's the kiss.'' Ms.Jenn exclaimed. I looked at her and started to panic.

,,There was no-. I don't remember a kiss in what we read yesterday.'' I stuttered trying to reason with her.

,,It was very much in the original movie.''

,,I only remember a hug.'' I augmented further. I wasn't really in the mood to kiss my best friend. It would just make things more awkward between us.

,,The kiss ended up being cut. Little racy for its time.'' she explained looking at me with a smile.

Later that day I sat in Miss Jenn's office, explaining to her that I just couldn't kiss Ricky.

°Ej's POV°

I was standing outside Ms.Jenn's office, waiting for Y/N when Ashlyn walked up to me.

,,Hi!'' she greeted cheerfully.

,,Go away.'' I simply said.

,,No, you go away. You're standing in front of my locker.''

I stepped away and she opened the locker.

,,I can't believe this. She's around Ricky's finger.''

,,Who?'' Ash asked and looked at me.

,,Miss Jenn! She added a kiss.'' I explained and Ashlyn rolled her eyes.

,,Ej, stop. He's not bribing our director.'' she interrupted.

,,Y/N doesn't want to kiss him, Ash. And I don't want that either.''

,,Being her big brother doesn't mean you own her.'' she commented. I rolled my eyes and changed the subject.

,,I need you to do me a favor.''

,,What kind of favor?'' she asked with a raised brow.

,,I need you to borrow Nini's phone.'' I explained and she looked at me like I was crazy.

,,Borrow? As in steal?''

I just nodded. I needed to be 100% sure that Ricky wasn't in the way of my relationship. Nini was different. She wasn't like other girls. The girl helped me be a better person.

,,Okay, you've just gone up 3 levels of scary!'' the girl stressed, shocked by my words. She tried to reason with me for a bit but then she left, leaving me standing alone in front of the office, waiting for my sister.

°Y/N’s pov°

,,I'm kinda lost. If the play is over, why would we still be dancing?'' Ricky asked beside me. We were back in the rehearsing room. Just as I was about to answer, Carlos came up from behind us.

,,It's a certain call. You're the last two to come out. We want to bring the audience to their feet!'' he explained snickering.

,,Teach them the dance.'' Ricky joked.

,,Carlos? Can we wait for Miss Jenn?'' I pleaded kinda just wanting the director there.

,,Miss Jenn is busy tracking down a prop. She's asked me to create a crescendo, people, so let's stop swirling and let's start twirling.'' Carlos directed calmly.

,,But why are we practicing the bows when we haven't even practiced the play?'' Ricky asked still confused.

,,Because you start with the hardest dance that takes the longest to learn. It's in the Big Book of Broadway.'' Carlos started. Gina came up behind him.

,,Page 374.'' they both finished at the same time. Gina walked away after they both high-fived each other.

Shortly after we started practicing the dance. Ricky was terrible. I mean he tried but he did not succeed. Kinda embarrassing.

,,What is he doing?'' Nini asked from the side as soon as the music stopped. I turned to look at her. She stepped forward and looked at Carlos.

,,Why you're talking to him? I'm right here.''

And that was when I took a step back. I wasn't in the mood to be in the middle of Nini and Ricky drama. I had enough of that over the summer.

,,'Cause you're not here. Not for the right reasons.'' Nini snapped.

,,What's that supposed to mean?'' Ricky asked standing right in front of her. Everyone was silent. Nobody wanted to interrupt that conversation.

,,What I said, Ricky. You hate musicals. You're doing this so we're in each other's grills.''

Carlos took a step forward to break the two apart but they kept on going.

,,Now you're rubbing some weird cologne on your neck.''

,,Hey, you love Throb!''

,,And wasting everybody's time by making fun of something that the rest of us take seriously.'' the brown-haired girl ranted. After the words left her mouth, Carlos told everyone to take a five-minute break and to get out. I stayed just being moral support for Carlos and Ricky. He and Nini argued for a few more seconds, my brother's name was mentioned and Ricky left. Just as Miss Jenn came back, Ricky walked through the door.

,,We're you going Troy?'' she asked, confused as to why he was leaving in the middle of rehearsals.

,,It's Ricky.'' he mumbled before exiting the room. I sighed, looked at Nini, who looked at her hands, grabbed my things and went after him.

,,Why are my leads leaving?'' Miss Jenn asked again.

Ricky was way faster than me.

I mean have you seen him? He's way taller than me!

However, when I saw Big Red outside talking to him, I decided to let them talk. My mind just told me to leave him alone to cool off, you know? So I decided to talk to Nini instead. On the way back, Carlos asked me where Ricky went and I told him that he went outside. Not so sure if that was a good idea because it would just put more pressure on Ricky. When I arrived at the rehearsal room again, Miss Jenn was talking to Nini and she still stood by the piano, looking at her hands.

,,Nini can I talk to you for a second?'' I asked and walked in her direction. Miss Jenn turned to look at me and left the room without another word. I think she knew that it was better to let teenagers sort their problems out alone sometimes.

,,I really don't want to talk to you right now. Ricky probably send you and I'm really not in the mood to-''

,,Ricky did not 'send' me. I'm here because I chose to talk to you. I know that you probably don't even want that because I basically stole the role you wanted to play but listen. Miss Jenn is working really hard on this musical and so is everyone else and I know it's hard being in a musical with your ex- and current boyfriend but please, for the sake of this musical, get along with Ricky.''

,,Y/N you don't even understand the situation. You never had an ex before!''

,,That may be true but I'm not on good terms with Ricky either! Do you see me causing a scene? No! So please Nini, at least consider, not ripping Ricky's face off.'' and with that, I left.

The first thing I did when I arrived at home was eat. I always ate when I was frustrated. Not my best habit. While waiting for my pizza to be done, I decided to post something on Instagram

y/ncaswell

Salt Lake City, Utah

liked by ejcaswell, dancingcarlos and 67 more

y/ncaswell you're looking at your Gabriella Montez baby 🤪

view all 23 comments

dancingcarlos and that's on actually auditioning for Taylor

yourgirlash u rocked that audition tho! So proud of u :))

I smiled at all the supporting comments and began eating my pizza, which I got out of the oven without burning my hands.

what? I'm proud of me. I always burn my hands while getting the pizza out of the oven. That's why Ej is normally doing it when... I want pizza.

After eating half of the pizza, leaving the other half for Ej, I went upstairs. I threw my bag into a corner and threw myself on bed. I sighed and grabbed my ukulele. The next thing I knew was that I started playing some chords that popped into my head.

I was hangin' with you and then I realized

I didn't think it was true, I was surprised

When I found out I've fallen for you

I didn't wanna believe my feelings for you

I didn't wanna believe that I could lose you

If I told you just how I felt

But I can't help it

I'm falling for you

And I can't quit it

'Cause I'm stuck on you

And it might be pathetic and you might be skeptical

But I just want to be with you

Please tell me, boy

Can you get a clue?

Or come through 'cause I just want to be with you

,,The song is for him right?''

I gasped in surprise and turned my head to the door to see EJ leaning against my door frame, eating the pizza I left for him.

,,When did you come home?'' I asked while placing the ukulele on the floor. He walked towards me and sat on the edge of my mattress.

,,5 minutes ago but stop trying to change the subject. The song is for Ricky right?''

I just nodded, looking at my hands.

,,It's cute.''

,,What?'' I asked and looked up.

,,The song. It's cute. I mean I don't really support the idea of you and him together, you know that but I like the song.''

,,Thank you and don't worry EJ, him and me? That won't happen. He's still in love with Nini.'' I responded with a sad smile.

,,I know this may sound really awful but maybe it's just not meant to be.''

Maybe he was right. Maybe the universe wanted to show me that it just wasn't meant to be. That I was chasing a dream. Ricky was so in love with Nini and to be honest I wasn't surprised. Nini was such a sweet and gorgeous girl, always have been. It's so easy to fall in love with her. No wonder my brother did.

I nodded and the only word that left my mouth was:,,Maybe.''

EJ flashed me a smile, patted my shoulder and left the bedroom. I sighed and my head hit the pillow.

The next day was pretty much uneventful.

Ok maybe that's a lie. I did catch Nini spying on Carlos and Ricky in the library. That's a good thing right?

When I opened the door to the auditorium, everything was silent. But as soon as the door closed and I leaned my back on the wall, someone started playing the piano. The curiosity got the best of me and I walked up the stage to see who was playing the wonderful melody. I was quite surprised to discover Ashlyn sitting in front of the piano, pressing the keys softly.

,,Oh hi.'' was the first thing she said when she noticed my presence.

,,Hi. I didn't know anyone was in here.'' I answered looking at my cousin, who took her hands off the piano keys.

,,I can be gone in like 7 seconds. Six if I don't zip my bag.'' She replied as she started to throw her things into her bag.

,,No, Ash. Don't go. What was that?''

,,What was what?'' she asked and stopped packing her things.

,,The song you were just playing.''

,,Oh that. Miss Jenn asked me to compose a song for my character. It's probably way too much.'' she explained and grabbed the notes out of her bag again. I just nodded and listen to her ramble. I didn't really know why she was so nervous.

,,Why don't you play me some more of your song?'' I asked and sat down beside her. Ashlyn nodded and started playing the same melody I heard when the door closed.

,,Seems like a part of me will always have to lose.'' She began, her eyes watching her fingers which were pressing down the piano keys.

,,Every single time I have to choose

Swore that it felt right, but was I wrong?

Is this where I'm supposed to be at all?

I don't have the answers, not today

It's like nothing makes the questions go away

What I'd give to see If the grass was greener

On the other side

Of all I've had and lost

Would it be enough

Or would I still be wondering?'' she sang, her eyes still trained on the piano.

,,If I could go back and change the past

Be a little braver than I had

And bet against the odds

Would I still be lost?

Even if I woke up in my dreams

Would there still be something I'm missing?

If I had everything Would it mean anything?''

I looked at her in awe. I never really heard Ashlyn sing like that before and she had so much talent. She turned her gaze to me for a second, implying to sing with her. I smiled and turned my attention to the little sheet of paper in front of me.

,,Maybe I should turn around and take the other road

Or maybe I'm just looking for what I already know.'' we sang together, smiling after realizing that we hit every note in perfect harmony.

,,I'm just wondering...

It feels like I might have broke the best thing that I had.'' I sang alone and at that exact moment, Ricky slowly walked in. We didn't notice though. We were to caught up in our own little moment.

,,I said too much to ever take it back

I'm scared I'll never find something as good

And would I even know it if I could?'' I vocalized the verse Ashlyn wrote so flawlessly.

,,If I could go back and change the past

Be a little braver than I had

And bet against the odds

Would I still be lost?

Even if I woke up in my dreams

Would there still be something I'm missing

If I had everything

Would it mean anything.'' we both sang again.

,,To me?'' I finished and smiled. My smile fell as soon as I saw Ricky standing in the room.

,,Uh...We're back.'' he stuttered and looked at us with semi-wide eyes.

,,What?'' I asked quietly.

,,Downstairs.'' the curly-haired boy answered and shook his head slightly which made his curls bounce a little.

,,Miss Jenn wants to see everyone in the bomb shelter.'' he finished and left without saying another word. I looked at Ashlyn and she just shrugged before she got up and packed her things. Me being the incredible cousin I am, I waited for her.

When we arrived downstairs the whole theater group was building a small circle around the blonde drama teacher who had a huge carton in front of her.

,,Here it is, people.'' Miss Jenn breathed out, holding a small device in her hands.

,,Is that a garage-door opener?'' Seb asked as he looked at the small object in front of him.

,,No, Seb. This is Gabriella's Phone. From the film.''

A few students gasped.

,,I plan on creating a time-capsule display in our lobby. If they can have 40 sports-ball trophies, we deserve a little movie museum.'' the teacher explained, holding up the phone so everyone could see.

,,Okay, people, enough dazzle. Fetch your scripts please. Places for the top of the ski lodge!''

[shiro-0197]

Oh I see!! I'll make note of that, then! So I can wish you good luck for school <3 you'll be in a new grade when you start, right? and AAAAH thank you!! We will have online classes off and on, but when we actually go to school (physically) we will have exams right off the bat (ugh).

oh wow the coincidence is so cool!! Yes, the more food the better, tho some are coastal states so they have mostly seafood ._.

it really is, and you have to be very thorough with it or you might make a mistake :( I'm glad!! You should do what you enjoy, and freelancing is definitely much easier and less stressful xx

omigosh bae aaah you're so cute. No one is going to think you're uncool, don't worry. And I'm sure they'll get it in the first time you teach, you seem to be a very gentle person and I think that's one of the main characteristics of being a teacher. Tho yes I can understand getting frustrated after the second time. I'm actually the least patient person I know, so I relate to what you've said a lot skhdskks. I guess it's an ENTP thing 😔

I'd low-key just be a koala bear or something :> I know right!!

Icouldn't find it, ugshshshhhhh :(((

Awww. Okay, playful hitting is cute. I don't do it at all, but my friends do, whenever I flirt with them 😭😭 I think they're just flustered 😼

Oh God yes. I hate my braces but I'm glad they're coming out soon. And then I'll be able to eat anything I want. What is one food you don't think you'll be able to live without, btw? (BESIDES CHEESE, SIR).

oh Turkish delights are WONDERFUL. I've also only tried it once. Your school seems to have such wonderful food! And wow I just googled maklube, and it looks so good?? Rice and meat are low-key the perfect combo 😭😭💖 (and the name is so cute?? It means upside down, right?)

oooh omg I'd totally read an article like that. Make sure you add "catboy supremacy" at the end 😹😹😹

yessss I love She-Ra! They're all actually remakes from old TV shows my parents watched when they were younger, and now Netflix remakes them with amazing graphics!! I also love Voltron (it's actually my favourite), and I was really into it before my anime phase as well xD I hope you're able to watch them sometime! What were you into, before anime?

And oh, love! How was your day? Mine was okay. I woke up really early and studied (and kinda burnt myself out) so I slept for an hour after studying for five. And then I had another meeting, and I watched an episode of money heist xD this may be off topic, but my Leo club is collaborating with three others from different schools and we're doing a project together! It's kinda like a tutor thingy, and there's 8 tutors who'll have 1 and a half hour slots to teach their specific subjects. I'm a tutor too, and my subject's English, so I'm really excited. I hope I'll be able to teach well, so lol, fingers crossed xD

I love you btw!! Like so so so very much. You make me smile. Let me be cheesy here, BUT THANKS FOR BEING MY SNOWMATE 😼☃️

—✨ARIANA

Hello!! Not really, this is just a small break, hehe. I'm in the last grade actually, and I'll be out of school in 25th of May~ Awhh that sucks😭 They have no chill, huh? Couldve at least given a revision day or something

Ouch😔 it's always the small things that ruin it all😭

Yeah, you're right!!! Though I'm afraid I might not make enough money for a living 💔 I'll try my best though!! Cant live without failing eh?

Ahh I really hope so~ still kind of worried. Because, you know, people are different? And I dont really wanna make them think bad of me XD I wonder if theres tutoring on how to teach someone. Thatd be useful

Koalas are so cute though🥺🥺 just like you😭

Nanwndnnwnd💔😩 dont worry, I'm sure itll float up when you least expect it hehe

Heheh, I also flirt with my friends and I remember one time one of them just headbutted me😩😭😭😭😭

Hmm~ I dont even know, probably noodles. Extra spicy instant noodles<3 or homemade noodles. Any noodle is a fine noodle😭 I love them a lot, not as much as Kuro though. He's literally that vine where a guy cries over spilled spaghetti.

Yes yes yes!!!! We absolutely adore those, and if we dont have one during teatime some people just refuse to come along xD they're still forced to lmao,,, I really hope you can try them again soon!! I'm not really sure about the translation, I dont think it has one hehe, all I know is that they taste good 😝

I really feel like making a clickbait thumbnail for a video about that. I'll show you when I do😋

Ahhh I really need to catch up on old fandoms hehe~ before anime i was really into Steven Universe... and video games, like Undertale, FNaF, Sally Face, Fran Bow... all that 2015 stuff xD I also enjoyed watching gameplay videos, because as a broke baby child I couldn't afford a game or a PC. I also liked Camp Camp, hehe

Mine was pretty good!!! Yesterday nothing much happened, I went to eat out and watched some guys dance on the street. It was fun, hehe~

Huhh??? Noo you really should've rested:(( Well, I'm glad you had a nap though!! You deserve it<3

That sounds so cool!!! I really hope the meeting went well, how'd it go? Was it hard?

Our class also made a project, where we post in a group anonymously about something that we had learned. It sounds really nice, I'm not really gonna post anything but I'm looking forward to whatever my classmates come up with xD

I love you too!! Your messages always make me so happy🥺 Its really an honor to be your snowmate💞💕💞💕💞

[realtalk-princeton]

To Maybach -- Anon 2023 again. Honestly, my other major option is Brown (and Penn, but that's out by now) and I'm concerned that I'd be sacrificing happiness if I choose Pton. "Happy" is a part of the Brown brand, whereas "ahhhhh" seems to be a part of Pton's. I want the name and the opportunities Pton would afford me. I suppose that's not a question, but how would you respond? Do you understand what I mean? Is it so awful to pick Pton 4 name/opportunity (in addition to the other stuff)

Sorry for the delay everyone, I just got caught up in a lot of obligations. Due to multiple popular demands from both pre-frosh and current students, I decided to structure my Brown and Princeton story in the following manner. In the first section, I’ll give my background context prior to starting college and my feelings throughout the years on the subject. In the second section, I’ll specifically address the above question in more detail with my many thoughts on key distinctions between the two schools. I think the combination will serve the purposes of everyone quite nicely. Lastly, if any pre-frosh ever want to talk to me, feel free to reach out and ask for my contact information. Or even better yet lol, I just remembered that PREVIEW started, so I guess it might be easier to just talk in person to me. I actually don’t even have class tomorrow haha. I just think that talking is sometimes easier than writing and also in these responses sometimes I have to speculate. For example, I can pretty safely state that if a pre-frosh is almost certain of being a pre-med, Brown is probably going to be a much less stressful experience, but I have no idea if this applies to you beforehand.

So anyway, even though it was four years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday. Boy time flies. I was not the most studios or stand-out HS student. I wasn’t the valedictorian or salutatorian of a rather small school far away from major cities. While some Princetonian HS students spent summer doing lab research at universities, I spent mine goofing off with friends and traveling. We used to actually have a bonfire at the end of the school year and burned stacks of our HW up to 4 feet high lol. When it came to applying to college, I did not actually even again acceptance to NYU or BC lol even though my stats were more than up to par. I guess maybe they were concerned that I wouldn’t be a very hard-working student. Luckily, I am very fortunate that despite coming from an extremely educated family (grandfather and mom went to Columbia, Dad went to Berkeley, etc.), my parents never put that much pressure on me. So as you can imagine, I was super excited when I heard that I got into Princeton, Brown, Cornell, and some other schools. For a period of time, I was actually getting ready to go to Brown. My SO at the time had committed to URI and I was psyched by the super expressive culture of Brown. Students prided themselves on being true to themselves and also took full advantage of freedom with responsibility. The location was close enough to NYC and some kids from my HS were already there. I always hated excessive structure and authority growing up and the prospect of 70%’s A’s granted, no +/I’s, and pass/failing anything was totally alluring! On a side note, I always laugh when they say that people don’t abuse pass/fail and use it only like 10-15% of the time. Well, maybe that’s because they’re already handing out A’s like it’s water and all A-’s become A’s haha. But anyway, I was psyched. Who wouldn’t want to live at camp Brown and take it easier than HS, but still be guaranteed a legit degree on your resume? However, after I visited Princeton, connected with a large number of alumni, and actually started putting real thought into my education, my perspectives slowly, but surely started to change. I think what I really underestimated was the power of the Princeton degree and how impressive our alumni network truly is. The people I met and still meet to this day are absolutely brilliant in several respects (e.g. they aren’t just nerds in one subject) and many are focused on maximizing their impact and allocation of influence in this world. The alumni donation rate is nothing short of incredible and the chance to be part of this network was alluring. I remember meeting a guy actually who got waitlisted and was already attending Duke when he got the chance to go to Princeton. He lived every moment to the fullest with his academic pursuits, the social network of brilliant, but diverse persons, and solid career plans. Anyway, it just became more clear to me over time that while Princeton was rigorous, it’s academic qualities could be much more intimate and engaged than Brown and the intellectual horsepower of its students (mostly) created truly incredible and impactful people. Jeez lol I forget sometimes how many alumni we have on the SC, in politics, business, arts, etc. At Brown, all they do is gush over Emma Watson in an almost cult-like way (sarcasm). But anyway, I was getting pushed as you can imagine, but I was still worried as I wasn’t the best HS student and grade deflation had literally only ended the year before. But eventually, the offer was just too good to pass up. Once you become a Princeton student, your life truly does change and people will treat you give you credit solely based on this fact (whether it’s right or wrong is another story). I remember before I even committed, I was hanging out at the Princeton Club in New York and a few days later some of the guys (who literally knew me for like a few days), invited me out and basically paid of lunch at Smith and Wollensky and lauded me on my “accomplishments” lol and how they could always be resources to bolster a Princetonian. Pretty soon after I committed.

As for answering your specific question, I’m already seeing red flags. Whenever you choose a school for the name, that’s setting yourself up for a bad time. Yes, our opportunities are better. Look at the difference in endowments lol. It’s like that for a reason even though they have way more students and more grad schools. It’s also reflected as well in our post-graduation salary averages. Brown is more creative with RISD and it’s curriculum, but that doesn’t always equal more opportunities. Princeton has the most power and resources of any university on a per-student basis and gives us an incredibly powerful brand and network. That said, you should probably explore why you want to go to Princeton other than the name and brand. One of the miserable people I know picked Princeton over another school because it was the “Best” school she got into and that’s just not fun when you didn’t research enough beforehand. By contrast, I know someone who turned down Harvard for a small liberal arts school in the middle of nowhere and she had an amazing time. If you feel like and click with Brown’s social scene, that’s another reason for not going to Princeton. Academically, Princeton is better for people who want rigor and want to truly maximize their learning in a short period of time and be around amazing minds. Our depth is much better than Brown’s and it shows with how strong our students are in critical thinking skills both inside and outside of their majors. However, there is a downside to this. For example, if you want to major in physics at Princeton, you better adapt fast or be damn good at it. You can’t just “love” physics and be relatively bad at it (compared to your peers) to succeed here because we teach you to be the best students possible from professors who literally wrote your book. At Brown, sure you don’t learn as much or go as deep, but you can major in almost anything because you just aren’t held to the same standards. So there’s a tradeoff. If I majored in Brown’s business program, let me just say that I would not NEARLY be perceived by others to be so intelligent (even though I’m not lol). I know the kids in the degree, it’s not like they are dumb, but jeez lol is it a joke a bunch of the time. Relating sociology to business for example on the surface can seem like a good idea that teaches people until you actually see what they’re writing and working on. I would probably have a 4.0 without working as hard too. And I don’t mean this to mean I’m like super smart or anything. It’s just not comparable to Princeton. However, I am super blessed and thankful that I did take Economics here seriously. The kinds of critical thinking skills and the ability to analytically dissect complex multi-faceted problems that I have developed serve me very well and I feel so rewarded. I literally got a position at a hedge fund with no experience at all because the interviewer liked how I wrote a research paper on guns an applied rigorous statistical analysis in many novel ways to answer new questions. This is no different in many ways than using public information using novel techniques to find value where nobody else sees it. But overall, I think that I’m feeling Brown for you unless you are willing to work harder here for greater depth of learning. I just want to say too though that despite me working hard, I still don’t pull-allnighters almost ever and I still have achieved very high grades. You don’t have to be a genius to do well here. Take it from me. I had piss-poor test scores (by Princeton standards) and was not a valedictorian, but if you are strategic and work reasonably hard and are disciplined, the work is more than doable. I don’t want to brag because I think it promotes bad culture, but you ought to know that a student like me can succeed academically and perform at the top of their class without working in the library all the time. So you should really evaluate what kind of learning experience you want and where you will be most likely to be happy and healthy. Some people just want a break after HS and don’t care about going super deep into their learning development. That’s totally fine, but then Brown is probably better (assuming you also like the culture). Some people would really abuse Brown’s system, not really learn, develop unhealthy and bad habits, and be kind of bored. In that case, Princeton is better. It really depends on you, but if all you see here for you is a name, you’re probably shooting yourself in the foot coming here.

Anyway hope that all helps. I can answer specifics if you have them too.

Edit. also I realized how long this all is and noticed that maybe some of you should just call me or I can connect you with people I know who love Brown lol. It’s sometimes harder to write these things and express everything properly compared to like a 30-minute dinner conservasation. Just putting it out there. I’m also exhausted lol from staying up until 4am the past few nights for this huge deal coming up. I did this tonight so that I wouldn’t mess up my sleep schedule any further and avoid taking a nap lol.

[chatnoirismycinnamonroll]

So I got tagged

@dreamteaze tagged me in this and it seems like fun, so imma do it

Are you named after anyone?

Yes. When my mom was 12 or 13, her older sister was brutally murdered. My mother promised to name her first daughter after her sister to honor her memory.

When was the last time you cried?

Two days ago. Wednesday. I was really stressed, and then my stepdad got after me because I made a mistake in some paperwork, and I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so, add that to my stress, and out came the tears. Ugh. I hate when that happens, but it actually did me some good.

Do you have or want kids?

Hell to the freaking no. Dont get me wrong, I love kids. But I have five younger siblings, the youngest having turned 8 recently, and as the oldest girl in the house, my mom made me take care of all of them. I feel like they are my own kids, and I'm so done already. So, no, i dont want any kids, since I practically already have kids of my own in the form of younger siblings.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I try. I'm not that good at using sarcasm, but I am very good at identifying it. I'm actually too nice to have the mindset to use sarcasm, just ask my best friend, @dreamteaze . Now she is practically an expert at sarcasm.

What's the first thing you notice about others?

Honestly, their chests. I'm short, I'll tell your exactly how short later, so the first thing at eye level is usually someone's chest. I have read so many shirts and seen so many cool designs, but I know several girls have looked at me weird because my eyes immediately go to their chests.

What's your eye color?

Dark brown.

Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings. I can handle scary movies, and I will not hesitate to watch the Chucky movies again and again, but I love a movie with a happy ending. What can I say? I'm a sap.

Any special talents?

Is my body refusing to gain weight and staying the same height since sophomore year a talent? I can semi-draw, but I wouldn't say I'm talented at it. I'd say I'm actually pretty average.

Where were you born?

Rio Bravo, Tamaulipas, Mexico. But I was brought to the US as a 1 year old and have been raised here ever since. I have never left the US, despite people being like, "You're from Mexick? Can you tell me what like?" Um, no. I cant. My best friend knows more about how Mexico actually looks like than I do, and shes from Kansas.

What are your hobbies?

When I'm not at work, I like to either read fanfiction, write fanfiction, browse Tumblr, or draw something. I also like holding private concerts in my room, or, if I'm home alone, in the living room. I'd say I'm pretty good. 😁

Do you have any pets?

YAAS. I have two very adorable dogs.

They're not very photogenic. One is named Tito and the other is Fluffy.

What sports do you or have you played?

Every Monday and Wednesday, I play soccer in this small Women's league. Its mostly for fun, and we never go anywhere high place or anything. Its mostly just for women who want to enjoy the feel of a soccer tournament.

How tall are you?

More like how short are you. Pfft. I'm 5'1", and I actually shrunk an inch in my sophomore year, somehow. I was 5'2" for about a month that year, and then I checked my height again and I was back to 5'1". Sigh. And I know I've stopped growing, so I'm stuck this sjrot for the rest of my life. Smh

Favorite subject in school?

Hands down, English. It wasnt a subject, but I also really loved Theatre. I was such a dramatic little bitch, too. So to be able to write down my melodrama as either a short story or a screenplay was perfect for me. Either way, anyone who knows me personally can tell you that I would never fail to perform any class presentations.

Dream job?

Theatre Teacher. I would like to be able to teach young minds to embrace their dramatic sides. Some kids these days just dont know express themselves, and they say things so monotonely. It's very sad.

Well, I guess now is the part where I tag a few people: @drarrylover007 @mindfulmagics @un1cornf1ghter @lunian @zoe-oneesama @chatnoirsladyprincessbugaboo

[creationsincarnate]

ok I'm usually not this lazy but that's a long ass post so count by fives and give me what comes out of that

You’re asking for a novel missy.

Gif slightly applies as I attempt this challenge. Also gives me a chance to test out Elfo as a mun FC (as I have learned I am very much like Elfo clueless wise.)

005. Are they in good health?

Generally, yes. Specifics depend on the verse. ex. In verse 2 she’s still recovering from slashes to her back made by a beast god and it can hurt from time to time because she never gave herself enough time to heal, but in the 1st that hasn’t happened yet and she doesn’t have any injuries.

10. Do they believe in love at first sight?

No she doesn’t. This is partially because she doesn’t look for it, and also partially because she’s read enough stories (especially Shakespeare) where love at first sight ended horribly but love developed from conversation worked out far better. 

015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?

Most likely to win with her tongue and use it in the first verse, but in the 2nd and 3rd if she’s very upset she’s likely to throw hands as well.

I’m actually going to write a letter from Snow to her mother for my creative writing class that focuses on this, where she’s wound up in the past, she’s confused, she’s angry, and one of the few things she’s damn sure about is Thor is at fault somewhere and she will punch him in the face. She knows he’s not someone to piss off and could demolish her, but this is a case where her anger is winning out and patience is too thin to care, and she is determined to find Thor somewhere and sucker punch him.

The following letter will be how she finally managed it, and how now she’s in hiding with a teenage Loki cause teenage Thor is pissed and Loki is finding the fact that she slugged Thor in the jaw and near broke her hand upon FIRST MEETING too hilarious to let her die before he can convince Thor to talk to Frigga for the reason. She relates to her mother that it was a very bad idea. She feels better now though.

020. What are their hobbies?

Her dogs really, or at least researching ways to better care for them and finding fun DIY things that are safe and could turn out well, like making peanut butter filled chew toys and such or comfy beds. Same with Mythology, she loves researching in general, but mythology is a big draw for her. She usually leans on singing though since she has more access to being able to hum when bored or thinking in most cases rather than researching stuff.

025. What do they consider beautiful in others personality-wise?

Patience and Forgiveness. In her first verse she works really hard to live up to these values, but she finds it almost impossibly difficult. This is due to anger with the gods and being hesitant to forgive or hold patience with them and instead regulates her patience to being strictly for Huanglong. The baby dragon gets into antics.  She admires people who can still retain their patience or display forgiveness to others, especially those who wronged them. When she can practice it less she especially admires it.

030. Do they believe in the afterlife?

She‘s visited the immortal realm which holds all afterlives, so yes she knows she’s going somewhere after everything.

035. What is the most important rule your character lives by?

Protect her loved ones above all else. If it ever comes down to a stranger, the world, or her parents/Huanglong/her friends, she’d choose the last every time. It’s the only reason she’s still putting up with the gods, because she knows her family and friends are at stake otherwise.

040. What is their obsession?

She’s obsessed with the show Galavant. She will pick and choose songs from it that somewhat fit her situations if she needs stress relief and just start singing. Not sure if I wanna place the book as just after the 1st season finishes or the 2nd.

045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?

Not in the first verse, or really in the 2nd. She does develop anxiety during her journey though. This is usually tied to magic in general, despite her developing a dependency on it as well.

050. How does your character feel about their own mortality?

She knows it’s coming and she knows where she’ll be going afterwards, despite the fact that she doesn’t like it. She’s not thrilled about it and would prefer to have control over it, but she’s not terrified of it either.

055. Is your character an introvert or an extrovert?

Snow is an introvert, Huanglong is an extrovert. He is a very tiring little dragon to raise, especially since people don’t realize dragons ever really existed/technically still exist. And he wants everyone’s non-plastic jewelry and to talk them into letting him have it. Snow needs to intervene often.

060. What is your character’s attitude toward education and learning?

She advocates for it and even planned to become a teacher. She was one for a few years, but she eventually decided to open a bookstore instead since her dependents increased and renting and selling books made it easier for her to watch people she needed to and teach people about books at the same time/give them access to learning.

065. Is your character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer?

Following is preferred and Snow doesn’t really like leading. In the 3rd verse she starts getting better at it though as she is realizing she needs to lead herself rather than follow the whims of the gods and force them to help her take action to fix their mistakes.

070. What about your character is cowardly?

Probably her inability to let people go. If it puts her loved ones at risk she is very unlikely to let them do it, to the point where a death is planned in the book (occurs between 1st verse and 2nd verse here) that forces her to face this fear and learn to deal with it. Her response is to double down and further hide Huanglong for fear of losing him, which to others makes her look strong and protective to others but can also appear cowardly because she’s actively avoiding her duties because she’s afraid to entrust Huan’s safety to anyone else but also to scared to put him in danger with her. Her progress actually slows until she can manage to face this fear and realize she can protect Huan while also doing the dangerous job of tracking Loki that the gods sent her on in the first place.

075. Is your character ticklish?

She’ll deny it, but her feet are ticklish. Enough so you might get kicked if you try to tickle them cause it causes a pretty big physical reaction.

080. How easy is it for others to read your character’s emotions?

Easy in the first verse, but not very easy in the 2nd and 3rd as she becomes incredibly guarded. She has some acting training and that training was made into a mask in those verses to avoid people trying to manipulate her. If people aren’t sure how you’re actually responding, its more difficult for them to play you for a fool.

085. Describe your character in three words.

Disgruntled Dragon Mom.

090. How bodily expressive is your character?

Depends on where she is emotionally. The higher the emotion, the more she moves. Her default is not much though, maybe a hand wave, weight shift, or small arm movement but nothing exaggerated.

095. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to do.

Shoot a gun. Snow hates loud noises, almost as much as a dog or cat (she’s not a fan of fourth of july fireworks), so most people wouldn’t expect her to be willing to put something that makes a loud noise anywhere near her own ears. They’d be right, she is generally unwilling, but she has had firearm training courtesy of her grandpa. While she prefers throwing knives like her grandma taught her, she is completely capable of grabbing someones gun and shooting someone down as well. “An Aruson never misses” is her matrilineal family motto, and Snow covered all her bases.

Ride a horse. She’s not an expert, but she was raised riding horses so she developed this skill since childhood (guns were when she was a teen). Most people don’t peg her as a horse person because she lives in an apartment in a rural area, dresses in more of a biker chic manner, and likes combat boots rather than horse riding ones. Most are surprised when they learn she actually owns a horse of her own and knows how to ride her in the western style or race barrels with her mare. 

Speak Norwegian, if only conversationally and mostly with slang. She’s not an expert, and any Norwegian native would realize it’s not her first language and be able to talk circles around her, but she could survive for a while with only minimal help from locals if dropped in the country. This is again because of her grandparents, as they’re Norwegian immigrants and spoke their native language around her fairly often from an early age. Her mother is bilingual (spoke Norwegian at home, English everywhere else) but her father only speaks English, so her mother usually regulated speaking Norwegian to muttering, exasperation, when grandparents visited, or not directly talking to Snow or her father. This didn’t let Snow be surrounded by the language like her mother was, so she didn’t pick up on it as completely as her mother. She has the Northern Norwegian accent down though.

100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about?

Sometimes. Mostly about very mundane things, like running late for school, going through a day, etc. before waking up. Recently she’s had a lot of hiking dreams or dreams about trying to sort Huan’s growing horde and the baby dragon just keeps throwing new stuff at her at random with no regard for her attempt at organization.

[kuriquinn]

Hey Kuri. I just need a little life advice. How did you find your call in Teaching? I'm kinda struggling right now trying to find what I want to do with my life. Im going back to college soon but the subject I'm studying isn't what I'm interested in. I've tried to love it but its been difficult. I often times feel like a disappointment to my family because my siblings are all doing great and I feel like a loser not getting there yet.

Strap in, there, Anon, this’ll be a long one…

If I’m being honest, my call isn’t teaching - it’s writing. Even now, though I have a Big Girl Job and everything, which pays my bills and keeps my fur babies in food and toys, I consider my writing to be my real job. Even if, at the moment, it’s just writing fanfiction.

The first piece of advice I would give you for anything in your future is to do something you love. That way it will never be a chore and you will stick with it longer than five minutes. 

Now, on the heel of that, the second piece of advice is: if you can’t pursue your passion, pursue something you don’t hate. And it might take you a while to figure out what that is. 

I graduated high school with pretty decent grades, went to a good college and did well there (Liberal Arts), and I applied to university hoping to major in Creative Writing and Minor in German Language. My outside logic was: it would help me get into a writing field like journalism or translation. Inwardly, I figured I was just taking university courses while I was busy writing my novel and that before graduating I would be published and famous and rich.

Yeah, eighteen-year-old me was a bit of a naive idiot. 

Cue life-experience:

My parents were kind of wary about the whole thing, they didn’t really believe I was doing a good thing, but it was my choice and they had to respect it. They knew what I didn’t, but would learn for myself. At the time I was also working in a bookstore, which while not my passion or anything, I actually enjoyed. Work never felt like work, and for minimum wage, that’s a good thing.

Flash forward to my first semester of university, in which I learned that a) my German skills were beyond what I could be taught at uni and I wouldn’t be able to take half of the courses I needed to fill my minor, so it was basically a waste of time to take and b) my Creative Writing classes basically centered around having a published author (and I use this term loosely to define a person who self-published one grungy, literary shock fiction and passed it off as literature) get up and talk about how to write. And not write actual good stories with decent plots and characters and such, but the gritty, sensory, detailed lyrical crap…and if you didn’t try to write exactly like that person, they flunked you.

So trying to follow my first passion didn’t exactly pan out. 

I ended up switching my degree completely, majoring in Classical Civilisation and minoring in History. I figured, I love history, and I love research, maybe a degree in this could help me get a job in museum studies or as a researcher or something. The next two years passed quite nicely…and though my part-time bookstore job fell through because of crappy managers, I started to tutor a lot more (and my brother was in his last years of high school at this point, and needed my help getting through his classes) and I realised that I was actually pretty good at breaking down information and explaining it in different ways. Plus, I already had a lot of experience with learning difficulties due to my brother.

So, one year before I graduated, I get the bright idea to become a teacher. I had enough credits to switch majors, but the problem was, my university only offered Early Childhood Education…and while I dearly love little kids, more than five or six of them below the age of ten would probably drive me insane. I figured teenagers would be more mature.

(*pause* *waits for riotous laughter from Those Who Know Better*)

Anyhow, I had to apply to a whole new university program just to get into a high school teaching program. And that was the most miserable two years of my life, because teacher education is the most useless piece of trash degree you can take. You know when you learn? When they stick you in a school as a student teacher. I didn’t learn one thing from my second university degree except that sometimes the only way to move on to the next stage of your life is to sit through the boring shit and get a stupid piece of paper saying you sat through the boring shit.

And THEN…

I didn’t even get a job for another two years. 

The thing people don’t tell you about university is that when you get out, there is almost no one hiring. The Baby Boomer generation is not retiring any time soon, the job market is flooded with so many newcomers that competition is fierce, and on top of that, your chances are reduces based on what field you go into. Science, Engineering, Computers, Medicine, Business and Law? Competition will be fierce, but you will definitely have a job at the end of your degree. Anything else? Unless you somehow become famous, every other job out there has a crappy percntage of hiring, and chances are you are going to have to get an average Joe job for a year or two before you actually get hired to do what you studied.

Me, I had one learning experience where I moved to England because there’s a huge demand for teachers (and learned why there’s a huge demand is because the school system there is complete shite), and then spent a year unemployed and basically acting as an unpaid domestic/caregiver because my mother was sick (I lived at home, though, so that’s why it worked out). I still tutored when I could, but I didn’t have as many clients as I had hoped for. Things were so bad at this point and I was so depressed I couldn’t even write…

I did finally get hired, but the way I did won’t make you feel better. I basically sent my resume to one of the schools where I did my field experience, telling them I was available for tutoring in the upcoming year. I got a call back (on my birthday) to see if I was interested in taking on an actual teaching job - they remembered me from my internship and remembered my brother (who once was a student there).

So I basically got the job because I knew someone.

And that’s the reality of it. You will not get a job (in certain fields, at least) unless you know someone. Networking and good interview skills are so important to getting hired these days, and your ability to be social (or fake being social) is key. 

Even now, I’m not exactly secure in my job. As a teacher in the private sector, I don’t even have a contract. I literally spend every August sitting by the phone biting my nails hoping that they’re going to call me back for the year.

But it’s a foot in the door. You always have to think about it that way.

Contrast this to my brother - he finished high school, took a trade (auto mechanics), and had a job within a year. He now makes and will continue to make more in a year than what I will in two. He had his forever job at 19; I didn’t find mine until I was 27.

Now, if you’re still with me and I didn’t bore you with my life’s story, here’s the take away:

1. Pursue your passion. If you can make a living from it, you’re one of the lucky few. Keep doing you, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Friends, family or loved ones, it doesn’t matter what they think.

2. If you can’t pursue your passion (full time, at least), do something that you don’t hate. Something that you are good at, a job where you can show up to and do your work happily and then go home at the end of the day and not stress about. Again, if anyone is telling you to do something you hate, DON’T. In five years, you’ll be burnt out, stressed and miserable. It is so not worth it. And if this is an Average Joe Job like working in a bookstore? Fine. Do that. It gives you more time to pursue your actual passions, and looks good on a resume.

3. Get a trade. Seriously, if you put off university for a year to get a trade, like real estate or mechanics or electrician or something, you not only give yourself the ability to be hired sooner, you can also support yourself throughout your academic career - and for those of you facing a future of student loans, this is so important!

4. If you pursue higher education, be prepared to change your mind A LOT before you graduate. You might find your are more interested or better at a certain subject that you thought, or a complete loss. There is nothing wrong with changing your major or minor until you find the right fit, just make sure you get all your General Education courses out of the way first so that you have that leeway.

5. After graduating, unless you’re in certain career fields, be prepared not to have a job right away. Get an Average Joe Job to keep you going, keep sending out CVs and going to interviews, and just hang in there - you will eventually get there, even if it takes you a little longer than your friends. And network! Make sure you keep in contact with people who might be able to help you in your career.

6. If you have the money and means, travel. Because chances are you won’t have the chance to do it once you join the rat-race.

7. MOST IMPORTANT: Do not let stress take over your life. You MUST find a way to balance your life while you worry about school/career stuff. Go out with your friends, travel when you can (even if it’s just a day trip to a museum!), write or paint or play music or build models or code or binge watch your tv show of choice, or whatever it is you do for fun - make sure you do it every day. Because your brain needs a way to unwind from the not so pleasant adulty stuff.

Anyhow, that’s the advice Twenty-Nine-Year-Old-Present-Me would give Nineteen-Year-Old-Me on the eve of starting university. I don’t know if she’d listen to all of it, but I wish someone had told me all that. Especially the parts about not getting a job right away. I thought I was a humongous failure because I couldn’t find work, when the reality was, I was just one of thousands of people seeking employment in an uncertain economic environment. 

So, on that note, I hope that you managed to find some comfort or guidance in these words. Remember, you are not a disappointment and everyone moves at their own pace. Maybe you’re having a slow year and your siblings aren’t. Maybe next year you’ll be the one who has exciting new opportunities and they are stuck in a rut. Our lives are very static and you never know what’s coming around the next bend. Just keep on keeping on.

And personally? If I was struggling to love my college program? I would take a very good look at whether it was really for me.

Thanks for the ask :)

[yehet-sebooty-ohorat]

When did you find exo and how did you decide on Sehunnie as bias? - becca's drunk Sehun anon from a few weeks ago. Just wondering cuz I'm still pretty new to kpop and exo and I wanna know how people found their way

Oh man ok this is a bit of a story 

I found K-pop at the beginning of the summer in 2015. About a month later I got into EXO. This was after getting into BTS and thinking I was only gonna stan them (though I didn’t know the word stan yet). But then I started to get a bit bored with only having one group so I decided to pick another one. At this point I didn’t know many groups because I was still very new to kpop but I had seen EXO in memes so I knew they existed so I picket them.

Oh what a decision that was.

The first song I listened to was Call Me Baby. I started watching the mv and of course I was trying to count them and stuff and I remember that during the chorus for the second half after they have all shown up on the screen that I was like “nope there are too many” and I closed the tab and went about other things.

A week later I decided to try again, this time not paying so much attention to numbers as just listening to the song and trying to pick an initial bias (which I usually do based off appearance and stuff after a couple videos). So I finished call me baby, found there were 10 people in the video and moved on to Overdose (which is the song that made me decide to actually for sure get into EXO ). This is where the fun starts

So I was watching Overdose. Now recalling back to Call Me Baby there are a few things you should know. 1. Sehun caught my eye right away, though I didn’t know who he was so I kind of ignored him 2. Xiumin caught my eye 3. Lay caught my eye 4.Kai I absolutely hated like wow I did not like him for some reason. So Overdose, I was watching and holy shit Luhan decides to stanch my soul. Cue Luhan being my bias for 2 minutes until… Sehun’s rap. I was like WHO IS THAT I MUST KNOW WOW. And thus, I moved Sehun to the top of my bias list. 

Now for the you don’t choose your bias your bias chooses you. 

I began to watch all the other MVs and then I watched Exo Next Door (where I absolutely fell in love with Sehun he was so precious I loved) and Showtime (which was hilarious and helped set my bias list the way it is now mostly). Then I listened to the other songs, learned a lot of the words, learned about their concert tours. And holy crap suddenly they were coming to the USA. Now before this announcement a couple things had happened. 1. I had watched Go Fighting so I must protect Yixing with my life 2. Nini had somehow managed to wreck his way up from 12 to 3. But anyway I got really hella excited and I kept catching up on EXO things, watching fan cams, learning more about Kpop etc.

I am a self-taught K-pop fan. I had no one to show me the ropes and I had to figure out everything by myself and honestly I have learned so much now. I love so many groups. I love EXO, I fall more in love with Sehun everyday (because he is amazing and precious and I really wanna give him a hug).

My mom doesn’t like that I like kpop so much. She told me she would pay for me to see EXO and then I had to chill a little (which didn’t happen at all idk why she would think that). Seeing EXO is still the best thing I have ever done. I have done a lot of cool stuff, but that takes the cake. 

Here is why: 

I found EXO and kpop at a point in my life where things were going to shit. My parents were getting a divorce after being married 25+ years. I was in my junior year of high school and I had a huge amount of stress from standardized test, college stuff, and AP classes, as well as clubs. One of my longest lasting friendships took a turn that I am ok with now but it was a hard blow back then. The list could go on. And honestly it made me depressed and my anxiety got worse. I didn’t really tell anyone because I didn’t wanna have to deal with that too. But EXO, idk why but they helped. Sehun especially. He and I are rather similar. If you ever ask me I will tell you he is pretty much the Korean, male, tall version of me who ha more talent. But seeing him happy and seeing the rest of EXO happy made me happier too. I could be having a breakdown and a picture of Sehun’s smile would pull me out of it. And I am so thankful to him for that. He has no idea I exist (well a very small one we made eye contact but I doubt he remembers) but he has made such a large positive impact on my life and that is why he is my unwreckable Ultimate Bias. 

I have learned a lot about him from observing. Its a talent I have, I can tell a lot about a person because I’m introverted and extremely empathetic. To me Sehun isnt just his model looks like he is to a lot of people. He isnt just one of EXO’s main dancers. He is the one who saved me. He is the one who is under appreciated and misjudged. He is a kind, caring person who is extremely determined. He is a role model. And honestly, even when people give me shit for kpop or there is a really nasty fandom war going on I DO NOT ONCE regret finding, getting into or appreciating kpop. Because the people in it work so hard, the culture that created it is amazing and under appreciated, and music has no language. 

So long story short, and this has probably been a mess, but I found EXO by chance, an extremely slim chance that I could go into more detail on but I won’t. I found Sehun by appearance, then fell in love with his personality. 

And I can teach anyone a thing or two about kpop if they would like. So if you have questions you can ask. If you have concerns you can tell them to me and I will talk to you. And if you are struggling through a time in your life that is less than desirable, something will help I promise, it may just be waiting for you to stumble upon by chance. 

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

This COVID

Unfortunately, the nurses and doctors are the ultimate victims and the worst part of the disease is their PTSD.

They, like most military, police, firefighters and EMT, sign up to risk their lives to HELP and SAVE others.

And they can't. This disease isn't intended to but is a by-product or side effect to cause them their own destruction of self, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We have a website set up for them for their mental health -- it wasn't active.. Tree just activated it for y'all.

I apologize for that. So many people are calling them heroes and trying to lift their spirits and it is hard for them.

Like y'all...

Picture this...

Standing in a mass grave, trying to find a body still alive you can save... Help.. A mass grave... So I'm talking hundreds of dead bodies and then y'all be all parade and smile and have fun.

They're too busy trying to find a way to help. Trying to find that one breath from a body in that mass of bodies piled knee high.

They look up "oh them jets..." Same time that happens more bodies are being thrown down in that mass grave So they waist high...

By then them Jets have left just a cloud of memory

It doesn't help... Then they chest high with dead bodies... And they're getting buried alive trying to find a way to help.

Do you see what I'm saying? Can you feel that?!

Then they like man I gotta get outta here before I die myself, being buried alive....

Then who can help them? Is there someone strong enough to pull them out, to SEE THEM before the bodies are piled over their heads??

Doctors and nurses have committed suicide. Because they can't handle it.

Because what has happened... Is this is like a reverse WWII... Hospitals are now Nazi Concentration Camps. And the nurses and doctors are the Nazi just watching every one die.

(Note this is an EXAMPLE for the mind to grasp understanding -- i am not stating the doctor nor nurse ARE Nazi. I am merely making a reference to WWII and gas chambers and so on so people can get the visual understanding of the power of COVID and the pain of people that are opposed to Nazi. When she said "This is Real" it is where my mind went -- to the Holocaust which i know a lot about. I studied it on my own many times in my life. To understand how one person could take over the world. I did. In high school, my Oklahoma History teacher even took away my books because i would ask way too many questions about killing of Native Americans and i would say "but how--" and she said that i had a problem with focusing on the wrong thing and i said "but its happening in our world today!! Politicians and Governments!!" She took away the stack of books i had checked out on WWII and took them to the library and i followed her like pulling her jacket and shirt to stop her. She told the librarian I wasn't allowed to check out anymore books like that because I was a teenager and had unhealthy worries in the world. I burst into tears. "Obviously i have to save the world Because of people like you who won't take it seriously!! You're a Hitler yourself!! And you! I'll talk to you tomorrow!!" I spat to the teacher then librarian. And took off to my last class of the day. The Librarian know who i was and how i had spent hours in the library everyday during lunch and had told her how i said i wanted to compare WWII to the way Native American were treated in Oklahoma. And she printed a list of all the different kinds of books i checked out. Including kindergarten picture books for my own enjoyment. And the teacher apologized. She asked if i wanted to apologize to her for calling her Hitler. I said "not yet" eventually I did. In front of the entire class with an entire one and one eighth of a page of written materials comparing and contrasting her to Hitler and people we read about. I said "in conclusion, she may been an Army woman helping people make long disateraous of what they call walks. Of what i call pilgrimages, across many of what we now know are states, but not to be in charge but to be a comforting vessel during maritime war. A war that was unnecessary on water as it was on land and that is my meaning of using water words instead of land Because indeed i think she is a person we can trust but she may also be one of those people to set off a cannon to a far away ship until she finds out the truth of who is in it. But she certainly isn't a Hitler or someone that would order Native Americans to do the undeeded... She would be one of those to walk aside all Native Americans, help pass out blankets and medication. And so as she has apologized to me for firing up that cannon while I was away at sea to do ky research of course, i shall apologize to her for being upset she did and calling her the worst name possible. Which wasn't bitch. Nor ass hole." 10th grade, y'all.)

It is the worst possible place for a nurse or Doctor that signed up to be a comfort and to SAVE lives to be. The worst possible place.

And i can't help them... There is on the now activated website -- there is a place where they can request military services to come in and relief our nurses and others on the front lines, including police.

You just merely request how many and of what capabilities you need. So if you need just CNA (our hugest amount) or RN or PA or DR or so on and so forth.

They have their own pay scale thus allowing the people being substituted for to receive a special type of paid leave. The military can stay in one place at one time up to 9 weeks.

So also a rotation of 9 weeks on. 9 weeks off.

I apologize i thought it was already set up and available for all. But apparently things wanted to be done differently to try it and see how it works.

Now first is HOSPITALS. Basically if your name has the word Hospital in it. Then you're available. BUT you must have an EMERGENCY ROOM (ER) to qualify.

Now systems... Like Lovelace in Albuquerque has like 4 or 5 ER departments. So they go to the MAIN hospital first Then two weeks after rotate in at say the Heart Hospital then after two weeks the Woman's Hospital then a smaller so on and so forth.

Presbyterian, would begin at MAIN then go to Kirkland then so on and so forth.

This way if someone doesn't want to be treated by military. They have options of seeing regular doctors at the main stem branches.

Also it doesn't have to be a 100% but it can be a 25% so 25% of people take off for 9 weeks. Then another 25% take off for 9 weeks. And so on... So you'd have use of the military for 36 weeks.

It is a charity service.

I recommend that y'all cut hours. So a 40 hour nurse goes go 20 hours -- but stays at full time pay and benefits.

As part of our program, the healthcare and other workers MUST remain fully paid while taking time off. Otherwise we cannot assist.

It is for their hearts, their souls and their tears that we supply such a charity. Thus we cannot create more tears, more heartache nor more stress for these people.

So when making plans, hospital executives, please do keep that in mind.

Also for hospitals that refuse to relieve their workers, we have a system set up so that a nurse/doctor/etc can find a suitable replacement of higher quality according to paper. Similar but more advanced to the system that is used to place substitute teachers to teach hundreds school children per one jr high or high school day. And if the hospital rejects the substitute, then we have a system set up to sue the hospital on behalf of the staff. This system is only provided when a main hotspot refuses help.

Such as NYC. However NY has accepted thousands of National Guard already and Idk what exactly is occurring there but we have many side hospitals set up there.

So this is Never Before Seen shit since the Native American's Massacres (that's why i kept getting in trouble in Oklahoma History... The word Massacre.. Dude... I wasn't gonna pretend it didn't happen, Land O´ Lakes, where's our Indian Lady? The farmers didn't kill her, you did. -.-) and definitely not seen while we had this great amount of technology available to all.

So never before seen shit is gonna occur. I'm like yeah this is what will work professionally. And if they can't come up with something better and reject me, then I'll sue and ill win because they don't care and we got documented workers all over social media crying their eyes out.

She is the first African American I've posted but I've posted at least 4. Crying nurses. And i skip over a lot. I keep scrolling past a lot. I scroll past more than Y'all know that i Don't mention.

But her... She made me want to cry just like all the others. And Just like the others, i had dry eyes. Because we worked and worked and worked till we were all bawling our eyes out, taking heart medicine, whether like mine or just for heart burn. Even the little kids. I can't cry anymore. We made the solution for what and when the emergency pandemic would occur.

Hospitals have lost people due to suicide.

It is now time for me to step in. Or we will not have a doctor or nurse that is both alive and recognizable, they will be destroyed -- inside out -- starting with their hearts of mind.

I have had PTSD due to death of a stranger. I was only 18. And i hated myself for over 10 years.

So im gonna break out one day and call you all stupid for attempting to heal evil.

Because that was what I needed. And no one ever told me. And i got back lash. And i know that every single nurse and doctor that was working as hard as they could -- they needed to vent and hate. And i could be that person.

I smiled. I checked in. "Do they still hate me?" Yes "Good"

I know it helps a heart be healthy to have a place to throw hate. And i knew i would be safe from harm. While hate was thrown at me.

Then i took away me as that object of hate. And still healthcare workers are suffering and they're killing themselves. (They'll get to heaven if they deserve. A nice little break for them. Then they will come back when our other dead does. If they are deserving, if Earth is where they Belong. Otherwise they went directly where they Belong for Eternity)

So a quick fix band aid isn't it. It is as far as we predicted - a reverse WWII.

the sick going in... And causing innocent pain.

Instead of the innocent going in and dying by the professional purposely killing them.

This is the complete opposite.

Jack told me "quit hating on these nurses and doctors!"

Because i would scroll past and say "these fucking nurses. Dam it"

I'm not hating them. I'm hating their situation. I'm hating their inability to cope. Their inability to cope is because their inability to cope is due to their deep humanity... It is a character flaw. It is a curse and a blessing. It is the deepest and most difficult of work to breech that muddy waters, dig deep and find a bridge to drag up and build, there is one there in their souls.. But it is buried deep under much chocolate and flowers and all things good...

Unfortunately while being buried under dead bodies its nearly impossible to fix that bridge. Find that way to overcome the desperation, the HORROR their job has become

Even taking a break can sometimes not help... Sometimes it doesn't. But we include self care and encouraging messages from our military teams that substitute while the people take their time off.

Military are far more apt to be able to deal with dead. Military teams sign up knowing they must kill at certain times. They have a different view of death. They accept it and understand it.

A nurse or Doctor they fight it, that is their job. That is their souls and every hope they have in the world is to save lives.

Military, their job, is to make the world better.

Right now, military is just a better fit.

It's different types of brains. It is just different.

And I am sorry. And unfortunately I do know. I have killed a lot of people by hand, kidnappers caught in the act. I killed Pablo Escobar. Then I got amnesia. And I loaned my friend $500 to bail her boyfriend out of jail. It ended up in a suicide of someone he ratted on. I never got over that. It took a very long time. He was a criminal, yes. But I just never got over that loss of life. If I had never bailed him out... That one guy would still be alive.

So I am very sensitive and very understanding of these healthcare crying and not handling their jobs and killing themselves.

I fully understand it. So yes I will sue on behalf of staff that cannot get relief. I will fight and punch until those hospital executives come up black and blue saying "ok im sorry im sorry we can have substitutes and pay full prices for our staff to stay home and rest"

I may have forgot myself... Prior to age 15... But I remember since then. I know how I have suffered and why.

So I am extremely complex to know and understand.

It doesn't matter if you understand or trust me.

You must care and take a leap of FAITH and not one of suicidal consequences, hospital executives.

Because I understand being buried under dead bodies that I feel responsible for. Hating myself. For something that was never my fault and something I did to be nice. Naïve. I fully understand.

And its revolting, now looking back all I put myself through.

And I swore one day... I swore and I swore. I promised myself. One day im gonna use this all for good. That I can forgive myself.

I already did. I realized I'm not the one that needed to be forgiven. And I'm okay. I'm doing great.

But I remember and I will never forget those sleepless nights... The intense fear I had of myself and of doing anything for any reason. I was terrified. What if I go to the store and I effect someone?

What if I get in a car wreck and hurt some one?

I was terrified. Had I not healed thanks to JJFU. Some one I knew and trusted making guns and I said to him everyday for weeks "how can you make guns knowing someone could be hurt? Don't you think you will feel responsible if someone wrote to you and said a kid was killed with one of your guns? An innocent child playing by accident?"

He said "let me get back to you"

And one day he simply said "i can't control what other people do. If they don't lock up their guns or weapons and ammunition seperate. I can't control what a kid does. I hope no one ever gets hurt wrongly and unjustifiable with a gun i produce and make by hand. But, Sabrina, i can not control what other people do. And it isn't my fault what happens after the guns leave my hands and enter another's"

And this air i had been holding in since I was 18 years old just went out of my chest. And i started crying. And crying and i cried for days.

And he said "why are you keep crying? Who are you crying for?"

And I said "i am crying for ME"

"But why?! What did you do to someone so bad?!"

"Cause I hated myself for something I couldn't control.I hated ME. I refused to Love Me. I refused to Trust ME. And now I can cry for me because of what I Lost because I was an ignorant fool, to care too much beyond my control."

3 years later my friend was murdered. I could had prevented that, too. But I didn't get PTSD. Instead i chose to love him and be proud of him. And love us both for doing what was best for us.

I have both the obituary of David Galloway and Justin hanging in my kitchen. One gave me PTSD. One could have. I look at them both. And I say "I love me. But I can love you two and you can love me because I never wanted either one of you to be hurt"

Or I'll walk by "I can imagine you two are fine where you are today. Sorry I'm busy. But I hope you're happy and okay"

One is Zulululu and one is Human. The Zulululu, I got PTSD. He was a selfish drug addict that killed himself leaving behind two kids and a wife just because he didn't want to go to jail. The other was murdered and the last time I saw him, he asked to live with me. The latter should caused my PTSD. HE DESERVED MY PTSD.

But I didn't.

So military is better equipped to handle what is occurring in hospitals. Nurses do need time off even if the military does just set up new temporary hospital

Healthcare workers NEED treatment for what they have seen and gone through.

And I will fight for every single one to get the help they deserve and the time off they need.

Because I know they deserve it. I know they need It. I know how dangerous it is to overlook a simple day in the life of what they have had in the last few weeks.

Throwing them parties. Its kind, and it's sweet.

But it doesn't help anything, it doesn't help anything when the anguish and the PTSD has already set in. Sometimes it makes it worse..

So yeah I get pissed off they're not being helped and it comes out wrong.

So now its time to do it right.

This nurse asks y'all to stay home.

So y'all tell her you will if you will, tell her you can't because you got to go to work and you tell her where (like Gas Station, not the whole address) and y'all be responsible for you and your actions..

We can't control the world. But we can work together to make it better.... Right...?

I think so.

Or we're all gonna die trying.