#i hate thay i have to use it i hate thats the only way to communicate with people

[mejomonster]

Every time I go on a dating app I feel hopeless -.-

[eybefioro]

Whatsapp is an error. Why. Why is there 55 messages there.

[writingoddess1125]

N$FW Alphabet:

Buggy Edition!

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)

It's pretty piss poor, He will glad a big ass towel and sort of pat you clean. Unsure how to be properly affectionate and is actually awkward as hell.

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

He likes his hair he finds it the only part of his body that is conventionally attractive. He takes very good care of his hair because of this.

For his S/O he is a breast man- Titties are a good day for anyone and he loves them. Big, small, flat or perky. He loves them

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

On your face- It will always be his place of choice. He just loves the messy look on you and often you panting, red faced. The cum just adds to your beauty.

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

He wants you to ride his face- he's just too self conscious to admit it. He wants you to use his face like a seat.

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

He's experienced with paid sex- (Gotta pay for a ship somehow) But otherwise no. He has no Charaisma so nah-

F= Favorite position

Doggy- Likes to pull your hair and completely wreck you from behind. Watch your body bounce from his wrath.

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

Surprisingly he isn't thay Goofy. During sex he is quite focused and serious- But afterwards often in the afterglow were he is just feeling good does he will giggle and be really cute.

H= Hair (grooming habits)

Surprisingly well groomed. Finds that his blue curls can be very irritating to deal with if he slacks it will turn into a mess. So he keeps a takes well care for set of blue curls that are as lovely as the hair on his head.

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

Surprisingly while he likes rough sex and rough play he uses romantic elements- these rough bites, bruises are his way of being romantic

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

A ton- He will sometimes just sit on his throne and rub one out. However now that he has a S/O he will just have sex with you more now.

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

He has several-

He loves claiming his S/O with acts of BDSM. Also loves bites, has a massive bite Kink and dominate Kink.

- secret sub kink but thats down the line-

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

Anywhere- But loves his throne the most. Will fully fuck his S/O on his throne for all to see.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)

Nice cleavage of any type

But the biggest turn on for him is acts of care. If you're genuinely nice to him he will be turned on the most.

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)

Degradation, he hates it... Biggest way to turn him off and get him mad.

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

On he loves receiving but wants to give, he desperately wants to be a giver but feels self conscious.

After a while will bring it up and will suddently be the biggest giver ever.

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)

Relatively he has a fast pace but can last a while. Maybe it's the years of hopelessly beating his meat but he he can last a while.

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

His favorite form of sex! He loves Quickies all throughout the ship.

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

They are hesitant. So 50/50 on new things

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

Around 15 minute rounds for the most part, But

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

He is a Toy! He is a living sex toy. Any and everything can be detached and that's a fun toy for you! If you add

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

Buggy is sometimes a tease- Usually in public he will tease. Either by having his hands on very sensitive goods or straight up using his detached dick to be rested inside of them in a form of cockm

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

Surprise Surprise Buggy is quite loud and vocal- He loves to give out praise and loud moans. He wants everyone to hear him!

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

Buggy will sometimes bottom for his S/O while not often he will defienly will let his softer whine come out. Letting out whimpers and sweet moans of bliss.

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)

Buggy is surprisingly well endowed. A solid 9inches and very girthy. Neatly trimmed blue pubes and a creamy tan color with hints of pink.

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

He has very high sex drive. May it be that he was deprived for physical affection for so long that now he has a incredibly high sex drive.

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

Buggy is farily last falling asleep afterwards. Cuddling against you and acts awkwardly. May try to give some awkward jokes.

[imqueerandadeer]

Not so small rant about assimilation

Okay quick disclaimer, all if not most of this rant will be about MY experiences as a white passing asian person (with some commentary from my non mixed friend), and remember my experiences don't speak for the whole asian american community (although I will admit there are some similarities between what I have experienced and what other people like me have experienced) because asian people are not a monolith!! This rant is also mainly centered around being asian american and being forced to assmilate but I think most of it applies to other cases of assimilation.

Okay with that out of the way lets start with some context about myself and my life.

Hi, I'm Oliver or Cupid and I'm half thai but white passing. My mom immigrated here with her parents in the 1970's when she was around three. My mom grew up in the valley (or the San Fernando valley) in the 80's and 90's when asian hate and racism was a lot more prevalent than it is now. She was one of the only asian kids at her Christan school. I remember her telling me there was this boy who made fun of her for having an accent when she didn't have one (my mom is fluent in both English and Thai) the same guy (I think) also made a racist comment about two Chinese pandas and connected it to my mom somehow idk she told me this a while ago.

My mom only spoke thai at home with her parents and because she was the oldest child and she was fluent in both Thai and English she had to translate everything for her parents. She only knows thai because she had to speak it at home and because she doesn't use it anywhere else, she married my dad (a white guy) and had me (I am only fluent in english) she didn't see the use in teaching me thai. She also barely knows anything about thai culture because her parents just refused to tell her because they wanted to assimilate and be "real americans."

This stops me from knowing anything about my culture or language, I had to google thai mythology. I had to google my own cultures mythology. Thats just depressing. This also just makes me feel more isolated from my own community than I already am because I'm white passing.

From a very young age I've always sensed that I don't fit in with other asian kids or fit in at all with other asian people and the community as a whole. It feels like I'm not asian enough to call myself asian american, theres always an asterisk of hey I'm also white passing so I'm not really aisan. Which mind you isn’t true but doesn't stop me from feeling like that in general.

It's so hard trying to keep your culture alive when you know nothing about it, I want to talk about being thai, I want to talk about my mythology, and I want to know more than 4 words in thai. All thats keeping me from that is assimilation and a false promise of "if you try hard of enough to fit in you will," the american dream was never a thing and it actively hurts people like me. people who want to know about their culture but can't because is stuck under years of oppression and trauma that our grandparents and parents just won't work through.

And now over to my friend @pansgoobernonsense for it's comments on just asian hate as a whole and some of its experiences with how normalized it is:

"So this one time my mom was at the DMV I believe and some lady yelled at her to go back to China since her English was bad and that encouraged her to learn more English, but her English still isn’t that good (it’s understandable but not grammatically correct sometimes) and she used to get bullied for it and was self conscious

my dad was raised in Hong Kong when it was a British colony and when he went to America for boarding school a kid physically attacked him, called him a slur, and tried to hit him over the head with a snowboard because he was Asian

I was raised in a very sheltered Chinese environment (bilingual school and all that jazz), but as a kid I always wanted to be that white it girl, to the point where I would lie and say I was bipoc 💀 lowkey funny asf

I’ve also been called slurs before and have been told by my parents to avoid talking about being Chinese so I wouldn’t get hate crimed when I went to middle school (public middle school) thankfully that didn’t happen but someone said konichiwa to me once so… erm"

Wow this was longer than expected mb sorry if this made zero sense/jumps around a lot I tried to make it coherent as possible (and have the spelling and grammar correct) but it's 1 am for me and I'm already shit at articulating my thoughts and sleep depravation does not help

[muttlyparasitic]

Im not over here like "incest is so cute" or "🤩 im just so obsessed with how he rapes -insert character-" thats what makes proshippers so off putting and disgusting they romanticize the fuck out of a gross topic, I've never seen 1 proshipper actually write a good story involving their ships and I've especially never seen a proshipper NOT make proshipping their whole fking personality like we all know you can't be that black and white.

Theres 0 interesting story in some shop about lets say slender fking a brother of his, just like making a picture of Jeff the Killer x Homicidal Liu is also just like "why?" Besides you finding incest cute there was no reason why they needed to like each other in a disgusting way and no reason to especially fk each other.

And no I am not getting into the whole "it comforts me" aspect as if that means your valid. You'll get upset with me for saying that then post the next day "I dont exist to protect your feelings" like we can just say the exact same thing back, if you find comfort i prosgipping, no one online or irl needs to hear about it, keep your self healthing to yourself if its actually helping you heal. If it only comforts you when other poeple get to see it and you know it will bring you some type of reaction, thats not comfort, thats just attention seeking.

No one on earth needs to be bombarded with your gross ships just because it makes you feel better, you dont need to be butting fandom tags next to your proshipper tags, you can have them on private account elsewhere that the public dont see it.

It's honestly just like this who self-harm for comfort, no ones gotta see it. Thats blunt but its the truth, no ones gotta see it. No ones gotta read about it, only your friends care about your feelings, the rest of us just hope you get help and wish to move on with our day without getting more of that shoved in our faces.

"Well you still made a story with thay subject matter before, why aren't poeple bad at that, they hate me for my Jeff x Liu ship!" think another big difference between a proshipper and someone that writes an incets scene, beastiality scene, grape scene for their horror story, a writer has content like that in a story they developed and they dont obsess over that one part like its their new baby that the whole block needs to hear about constantly, oh and they also use trigger warnings before the reader gets to read the story and if they do talk about that scene on a post, yall dont put warnings, ever. When a proshipper makes a story, the only shit they post about is that one uncomfortable part, or they make the whole story about that subject and can't lighten up and add more creative subjects to the story, it just HAS to be about this one morally wrong thing that their absolutely obsessed over!

Like really thats why antis think you guys are such freak, you have one personality trait and its making gross content in a way that isn't even good literature writing, you obsess over it like you'll instantly combust into ashes if you dont post about it daily, all the content is shown in good light using words and phrases like "cute" "so ment to be" "adorable" "I giggle at it" your praising a subject that shouldn't be praised and thats why people putside of your proship community dont like you guys, you show this content in such good light constantly that its allowed actual prodophiles and people who are actually full on into those subjects irl into your community, unintentionally you've created such a safe space for those kinds of people because they can talk about it in this good light and just say "oh but I dont support it irl" and lots of people would just easily belive them qhile thats not the reality. Thats the biggest issue. You've created a community that can easily harbor literal chriminals, and you will still stand tall and proud about your incest, pedo, beastiality, grape content thata your so obsessed over, while it gives actual criminals a place to get their rocks off while they don't have their current subject matter of interest with them.

Anyways I'm done ranting now.

[quodekash]

EPISODE 2 BAD BUDDY OS2 LETS GOOOOO im so freaking excited holy hell 

i still cant believe that patpran and earthmix are going to INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER??? AND EXIST IN THE SAME SPACE???? HOLY HELLLLLL 

wait hang on 

will we get longtae?? pls give us longtae i need to see my boy 

WAIT hang on how does this work. how do bad buddy and 1000stars exist in the same space if drake plays korn and also rang. i need to make some kind of murder board of the connections between shows holy hell 

tut tut, phu, you need to take care of yourself for goodness sake 

pran is too autistic for this, he doesnt know how to Social Situation and communicate what he was actually trying to say and now they think he wants to be a teacher 

also im gonna slide past the phutian relationship problems bc i dont want to think about it. my dads are not getting a divorce, and thats final 

hang on. there’s new kids now??? where the hell did they come from? 

tian’s teacher frustration is so real 

autism 

HEY 

LOOK AT THAT 

ACTUAL REPRESENTATION OF SOME KIND 

THATS AWESOME 

I KNEW HE WASNT NEUROTYPICAL 

FJEHSBGKVJREB 

i know ocd is an anxiety disorder but there’s a lot of overlapping symptoms and apparently autistic people are more likely to experience ocd 

and even if its just ocd, im still allowed to hc him as autistic 

but either way HELL YEAH REPRESENTATION AND ITS CANONICAL AND ITS NOT JUST IN HIS HABITS ITS AN ACTUAL CANONICAL DIAGNOSIS GJERBDHBDRT 

MY BOY! 

(definitely didnt completely forget about him) 

his gaydar is going off so much he can smell it (i made the screenshot too big and now phupha in the foreground is making me laugh so hard omg- i swear its the funniest thing ever. im probably tired. its 1:30am) 

THE LOOKS PATPRAN GAVE EACH OTHER WHILE PHUTIAN WERE INTERACTING- THE GAYDARS THE GAYDARS 

(yes, i know they already know about phutian bc of tian’s online diary thingy, but it still counts) 

i wanna read this diary so bad but i cant read thai. and also idk where i would find it. its probably online somewhere. it might be a merch thing. who knows man 

GEHRKDBGV THE FLASHBACKS WHILE HES READING 

IM CRYING 

“why would a good guy come to watch me take a shower?” THE LOOKS PATPRAN JUST GAVE EACH OTHER- OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH 

THE LOOKS THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE 

ITS SO FUNNY 

I LOVE THIS 

iconic 

i love everything about this so so so much 

the amount of joy that just this one image brings me? help 

ive been wondering why they keep making those movies 

wait hang on 

guys i think we might actually be onto something 

on another but related note: what do you guys spend 25 minutes doing at 2 in the morning when you should be sleeping? cos apparently i make beautiful atrocities like that. 

anyway. 

theyre like little kids, “he liked me first” “NO HE LIKED ME FIRST” 

this is starting to sound very familiar 

pran screaming at the waterfall reminds me of patpran screaming off the top of the hill at the beach 

THEY ARE PLAYING IN THE WATERRRR I LOVE THEMMMMMM 

“i think they kissed” “agreed” “they certainly did” “i agree” okay they didnt but they absolutely should have and we all wanted them to 

they so in loveeee i love themmmmm 

IM SCREAMING AS QUIETLY AS I POSSIBLY CAN, HOLY HELL THE FREAKING PARALLELS 

hah, you bloody americans, they probably had to google what 18ºC is in fahrenheit, but i, a superior australian, know that that is... warmer than it has been recently. its currently 13º. its really weird, im not used to it getting this cold, even in winter, and winter only technically started two days ago. anyway, enough about abnormal australian weather, back to patpran 

i love them so much 

pat, i- 

HELL YES 

OISHIIIII 

FINALLY 

the kid demanding payment through sips of oishi tea? thats my kinda style 

id adopt that kid if i had to. 

i hate kids 

but ice tea? it bonds people. 

lucky kid 

i rly like this karaoke idea, i was wondering how they were gonna incorporate the ost but i guess pat’s gonna sing it 

P’AUUUU 

I THOUGHT I RECOGNISED HIM IN THE BACKGROUND EARLIER AND I WAS RIGHT 

HELLO P’AU HOW ARE YOU 

“actually, my boyfriend and i also fought about who fell for the other first. but in the end, it isnt important. what matters more is that we love each other” AWWWWBHFGHBR 

OH 

ITS THE SONG 

ITS THAT SONG 

GEIURHGUKERJBGHJK 

YAYYYY PHUTIAN ARE SNUGGLINGGGG 

IM SMILING SO HARD ITS DIFFICULT TO SEE 

i love him 

THE SIGNATURE FISTBUMP RJDGBJR 

i love them 

NOOOOO THEY STILL HAVENT MADE UP, GOSH FREAKING DARNNIT 

ooooo phu vs pat drinking challenge, this’ll be fun 

i really like how the young ones are giving advice to the older ones for a change, its very nice. and also just goes to show how powerful patpran are 

omg this kid is everywhere, i love him 

the pure RELIEF when they both see that they are, in fact, wearing pants. 

BRO THAT WAS STRESSFUL 

PRAN NEARLY DIED 

its so funny to me how intense the music is rn 

OF FREAKING COURSE 

well at least we know that means we’ll get more patpran next week, we dont have to say goodbye to them today 

anyway that was wonderful, its 3am and i feel fine currently, cant wait to feel like a dead banana peel tomorrow, goodnight folks, see you next time! 

[wishful-seeker]

Maybe this is just me, but my biggest pet peeve in writing is when characters do not Say The Thing. The authors want as much tension as possible, but thays not fun for me, i find it very frustrating when the character doesn't speak there mind. Here is an example:

Main character loves art and goes to a nice art school to learn more, he's really good at it. However he found out the only reason he got into the fancy art school is because a family member donated a bunch of money to the school. This upsets him so much he gives up on his dreams, leaves the school, and stops making the art. Months later he is speaking with someone they ask "do you have any hobbies? Like writing, drawing, or painting." Main character pauses for a moment looking of wistfully and just says "no, not really" and thats it.

For me this is so incredibly frustrating, because the character who asked main character this is feeling out main character to see if he is a good gentleman for his friend to date. Main character literally could have said "i used to, but not anymore." To let other character know whats actually going on. Instead, he chooses to Not Say The Thing.

I hate this soo so much. It feels like lazy writing. It feels like the writer needs to make everything as long as possible because they cannot think of new problems to fill the space. But saying the thing, doesn't even have to speed up the process.

So in this example, its obvious main character misses his passions but hasn't come to terms with what happened yet. Saying The Thing doesn't change that! It doesn't make the story too quick! Its just much less frustrating to watch!

Same thing with big secrets. Imagine this. Character 1 has a big secret to tell Character 2 but they aren't ready yet. Character 2 keeps saying things like "i know there is something you aren't telling me, but you can wait to tell me until you are comfortable." Then Character 1 says "there is no secret haha!" Instead of Saying The Thing which would be "You're right, i do have something to tell you but im not ready, i need more time." That doesn't change the story at all! Its just now less frustrating to watch!

I saw this everywher in Merlin and Bridgerton and its just SO FRUSTRATING.

I know this is probably just me, i know this isn't a big deal. But WHY can they not write people like real people. Is that the ONLY WAY they know how to keep interest??? I don't get it.

[pricemarshfield]

general 2, 4

story 6, 8

romance 10, 12

:3c

HI FOX MY BEST FRIEND FOX. GOING BONKERS UNDER THE CUT ♥️

2. Do the other companions have special comments or reactions upon recruiting your Tav?

yeas :)

shadowheart: hmph. i’m sure she’d be useful, but i don’t think we NEED her.

lae’zel: chk. better her than shadowheart. at least she’s demonstrated prowess in a fight

astarion: as long as you keep that lightning away from ME, i say we bring her along.

i cant think of gale and wyll and karlach’s comments but they Would have them. i know this

4. What sort of general actions raise or lower their approval?

acting with caution, lying for basically any reason (if it’s useful, she respects it, if it’s not useful, she just thinks it’s funny), supporting party members (regardless of the moral implications of whatever help you offer, ie giving astarion or gale the necromancy of thay would net approval even though it’s perhaps not Smart. BUT she’d approve more if you gave it to Her), and also everything i talked about in the previous ask fndndnd. also mocking raphael (she disapproves of taking haarlep’s deal but you get a full +10 approval if you call raphael bad in bed to his face so like net positive).

6. Will they stay with the Player Character regardless of siding with the goblins or the tieflings, or is it possible for them to leave the party permanently?

she will stay no matter what! she does not care! if she’s not the leader of the group she has no reason to keep up an act of altruism to keep the group together. however she will speak sadly about missing wyll and karlach even up until late act 3 if you side with the goblins, and never seems to get along with minthara quite as well as she did them. (she does laugh when minthara is mean to people though. especially gale. she likes gale but she’s a cunt with a complex about wizards so like you know how it is)

8. Do they have comments on who the Player Character chooses to spend the night with? 

YES.

if romancing lae’zel and SPECIFICALLY sleeping with her at the tiefling party, she’ll gripe in the morning about how you took the only partner she’d planned on sharing her bedroll with, but she’s smiling and not upset. UNLESS she propositioned you and you rejected her in which case she’s honestly pretty annoyed. no approval loss or anything it’s just like 😒 for a bit. either way, she tells you to take care of each other.

with astarion she questions your judgment (lol. lmao, even) but is supportive of you both, moreso than some other companions! she’ll also probably have banter with astarion where she kind of pokes at his actual motivations for seducing the pc because she’s terrible

with shadowheart she shovel talks you. she Adores shadowheart. they have a complex about each other but she loves her (platonically. they are besties :) )

with karlach she will actively offer to help find ways to help with her heart/infernal iron if you met dammon! she thinks karlach’s great!

with wyll she’ll tease you both gently but fondly, and will probably ask you if you’ve thought about how you’ll react if/when mizora gets possessive. she approves of any reasoned or determinedly protective answer, and disapproves of “why would she?” or “that’s wyll’s problem, not mine”

with gale she’ll less-gently tease you and will not care if he’s around. HOWEVER she will pull a hard 180 once elminster shows up and tells gale to kill himself because she’ll be like UH?? THATS OUR WIZARD?? and gale’s like i thought you hated me? and tav will go 🙄 i don’t think about you enough to hate you. and then they hang out and talk about magic a lot :)

with minthara she’ll Actually question your judgment, as she doesn’t trust minthara. if you tell minthara about that you immediately net -5 approval

with halsin she’ll go “huh. good for you. not my thing, but good for you. did the wildshape stay on?”. you get +1 approval if you tell her. the same is true if you poly romance him with her :) she doesnt want him but she thinks he’s fine!

10. Will they join in with the PC and the Drow Twins, or no?

“is the sibling thing marketing or real?” “uh—“ “ew. real. absolutely not.” pushing further after that exchange nets disapproval.

12. Free space! Share anything from your companion!Tav au!

this girl LOVES the society of brilliance. helping/being nice to omeluum and blurg nets approval and her “good” post-game ending is joining the society as a research assistant. (her bad one is if you push her towards pure obedience and faith towards talos, in which case she starts just rampant destruction on the seas and is actively trying to form her Own world-destroying cult.)

[namtanlovesfilm]

youtube anon here!! omg thank you!! sorry im so late with this i was busy bc deepavali + wanted to make sure id thought of everything to ask ahsjdjdkf and ofc if you decide not to reply to this i understand as well, so really no pressure at all, okay? 😊 what software do you use to edit your videos? what made you decide to start making videos? do your videos get taken down bc of copyright? how do you deal if/when that happens? what are some of your favourite kinds of videos to make, and why? how long do you usually spend on a video (idea conception, filming, editing etc)? and since i know you from this blog, even before you started making videos: do you have any advice about putting out content in fandom? bc you make gifs + write + make videos and like. idk im just wondering if you ever feel shy about posting? (not that you should bc for real everything you put out is great- including all the off pictures you keep posting… thank you for that btw i dont have social media so thats the only way i get to see his beautiful face) i guess it sounds stupid but IM really really shy and the thought of putting anything out there for anyone at all to see makes me want to hide forever sdjfhskjg but like. i kinda want to make video edits too. mostly for myself as like a visual journal thing? like its a personal project. but i thought okay since im putting in so much effort why not share it with other people too? and id love if people discovered new music + shows bc of me yknow? but yeah anyway like. how do you deal with it if you ever feel that way? thats all i can think of for now, wow this got LONG. i hope its not too much rip. and again thank you for letting me ask you these questions ❤️

hi, OOF you really had QUESTIONS lmaooooo

I use the free software shortcut to edit my videos. I hate it & it's very slow which makes my already least favorite part of the video making, editing, even worse (:

I decided to start making videos bc 1) I saw a gap in the youtube market where people who talked about bl either did reactions or short analyses without showing their faces. 2) there were many topics that were easier to tackle in a longer video than a blog post. 3) if I were to be able to make a living off of youtube (which will not happen but wish I had known that then lol) it would solve most of my problems & allow me to combine pretty much all of my interests at once.

my videos ABSOLUTELY get taken down bc of copyright, if you look through my community page I've talked about that many times.

when that happens, I always appeal but most of the time it doesn't work, which means I spent 30+ hours MINIMUM on something that will never see the light of day (: it's in big part why I'm switching to thailand focused content instead of thai series content tbh, it was very heavy on my mental health for a hobby that takes so many hours out of me every week. not worth it.

my favorite kinds of videos to film are definitely my ranking ones or reaction ones bc they demand very little preparation & scripting and are just about me rambling for 2 hours, but my ranking ones take FOREVER to edit so on that part any non scripted video is the worst haha

the time spent on a video really depends, but usually the writing of a video takes me between 3 to 6 hours, the filming takes me 2 hours & the editing takes me a good 20 hours (funny bc I hate editing so much lmaooooo.) but some videos have only taken me 10 hours (short reactions), while others have taken me well above 50 (longer commentary ones.)

about putting out content in fandom, you're right in saying that I've basically done every kind of content LMAO. honestly the faceless one like giffing, writing fics, making fanvids, etc. is easy? like it needs to come from a drive of wanting to do it but bc your personal image isn't really attached to it, I feel like the trial & error is easier? if you wanna stop tomorrow no one will really care? but when I started making videos that demand significantly more time & that have my face clearly attached to it, that's when the doubts started creeping in. I never feel shy bc I just haven't been shy in a while, but I do feel ashamed to talk to irl people about my videos bc they aren't successful & I've invested over 2 years of my life in them so it's just kinda pathetic LMAO. but about you being shy, you can focus on the fact that it's the internet? like if you really don't want anyone to know it's your fanvids, create a new username & post them under it, bc then literally NO ONE will know it's you. to be honest it's taken me years but I've gotten rid of the notion of "cringe" and "embarrassment" out of my vocabulary. just do what makes you happy bc people will hate on you no matter what. I just know I personally want to live my life authentically & not filter it just so MAYBE I'm not as hated. so yeah, I hope you DO get to create the fanvids you want & good luck with that! thanks for the support as well, it means a lot <3

xxx

[scummy-writes]

[CHAPTER 24 + PREM]

Ok im brave. I can do this. <- actively fucking hates crying

-> what the fuck is the avatar challenge going to be

-> i dont have the capability to do so at the moment, but I feel like some notes need to be written about emma through this route too.

Tumblr is a dick and erased so many notes I took, so now I have to paraphrase and try to remember. I'm actually bummed out. Please never rely on tumblr drafts. I think I hit post before it actually saved my update properly, even though it said it had.

-> it is odd seeing yves beat himself up at the meeting. He is not saying anyrhing wrong, really, but it loses a lot of meaning when he turns it on himself. "It should have been me".

And hes not entirely wrong, its just. It should have been anyone else, but it never was or would be, so it had to be her/someone like her. And thats why its so upsetting.

-> i really want to know what the 'countless filthy things' are. Because a part of me wonders if this is multiple things.

Is it that after the death of those he loved dearly, did he go into a heavy depression where he essentially did wildly out of character things? Because those who he loved are no longer there to pass judgement? And that is what he cannot tell her?

Is it that there are multiple ways to kill someone (through torture and indepth mutilation, etc) that he cannot handle telling her the details? That the details are the damning part, what hes disgusted with himself for?

I feel like this will be something they will never elaborate on, and that this could be something some people use as a reason they cannot like gilbert.

I dont say this as a "people SHOULD like him" or whatever the fuck, I don't care if people like him or not, i just want to be left alone if they dislike him. But like. Hm. My hard limit would be if that he was revealed to be a pedo. I would immediately drop him and not be able to like him at all. Obviously, thats not true here, but the 'countless filthy things' is so vague that I could see it being a possible barrier on someone liking gilbert as a character.

-> hm.

-> this is the one time ive ever seen chev bumble a sentence so badly. Good god. Saving this 📸

-> chev please for the love of god BE MORE GENTLE

-> thats not Gilbert

[PREM]

-> i'm glad that emma figures it out very quickly that its roderic.

Also thankful chev knew, I was concerned if he DIDNT know. Explains his sad face.

-> its very upsetting thay Gilbert spends his whole life living for others and not himself until the very end. I keep thinking about what things could have been like if he had not been born into such a family. I guess, however, that thats the crux of it all, isnt it? That if it wasnt That event, there was a huge probability that he would still suffer through similar trauma due to how corrupt the system is.

-> "hes such a freak" ily Gilbert pls never change how you talk

-> amazing that he invented the syringe. Also what fucking time period is this.

-> the pain in the attempted sex scene. I think his body would not be able to handle the strain of it.

-> but the pain is the desperation. The desperation of wanting some false hope, the desperation of wanting to pretend things are fine. The drive to quickly escape in a fantasy of not accepting the reality of his upcoking death. Them both wanting to escape into quick feelings and numb false promises for just a moment. Only to not be able to.

He wants her to want it. He doesnt want to take it. He also...does not want it to be so twisted up in desperation. The kisses become yearnful for days they believe will never come. I wish he was more selfish. Not to take it from her, but to have gone through treatment sooner. To not be so delusional, or suicidal, that he believes death is the only option left for him. Repenting?

-> art of roderic and emma crying in the afternoon glow in the guest room would be really impactful i think.

-> how roderic speaks of Gilbert self sacrificing nature is. Contradictory towards the ideas I held about the 'countless filthy things' Gilbert did. I am wondering if it is just thay he slaughtered some families, or killed nobles and just cannot handle the amount of blood on his hands.

ROMANTIC END - GILBERT ROUTE SPOILERS POST

These posts get really long since hitting 'readmore' shows you ALL the reblogs on it, so I made a post for each romantic end chap notes/thoughts.

I'll be reblogging this post each chapter or so with personal thoughts and general screaming under a cut. I'll be having it in a format with the chapter numbered, and then a cut directly after where I'll be yelling. I already know some major spoilers with gilberts route, so if you have not finished his route yet, be wary.

I'll be using the tags 'Scum Simps' and 'scum plays gil route' for those of you who want to filter it out. Thank u!

[flowerflamestars]

⭐ do you have any crumbs about tidal? ⭐

TIDAL MY MONSTER CHILD MASTERPIECE

Endless crumbs, but I'm going to try to remain circumspect. Three fun scenes. Bold for commentary from here on out!

Cassian knew all the rumors.

Cassian has been ACTIVELY SEEKING OUT THE RUMORS. Their careers circle each other- their stats make them nearly level on a playing field that barely even exists. Cassian thinks Nesta in combat is like...the platonic ideal of a drift pilot.

All the stories- Serene Majesty’s design included armor made from Kaiju bone (TRUE, THANKS PROFESSOR VANSERRA), Serene was painted to match the exact blue shade of her older pilot’s eyes (False, but a very sexy coincidence that absolutely made it into war propaganda), Serene’s nuclear core was the oldest still running, and they were lucky she hadn’t melted the ocean floor of the Bering Strait right down to the mantle.

Fact: Nesta Archeron had solo piloted forty-one minutes longer than the nearest record holder, who’d died in minute sixteen.

Can you hear Cassian's admiration? That LONGING for partnership. The raw appreciation of skill. MHM BABE YOU ARE NOT LOOKING RESPECTFULLY AND YOU KNOW IT Story: Nesta Archeron called him a patchwork dickbag within moments of meeting him, and proceeded to kick his ass, before they even let them drop test.

Picture, if you will, the very Fun Mako/Raleigh fight with the poles? the compatibility test? Right. That. Tank tops. Barren light and sweaty skin. REALLY GOOD HAIR. But a hand-to-hand fight.

Cassian: oh fun yes fuck let's do this lets see how we move together, come play Archeron

Nesta: walks right up to him and clocks him

The first thing Elain said when she saw Asani was, “Oh, Nesta.”

And despite the fact that Nesta felt more like climbing bare through the Breach than getting in a jaeger with the man, she knew what her sister was seeing. The smile- two dimples on the right but one of the left. Close-cropped dark curls getting just long enough to assert themselves.

Shoulder and arms and everything that matched the face saying- you’re looking at a sculpture. You’re looking at a person whose whole being might as well have been idealized from an artists eyes.

14 drops, 12 kills. Only two back to back drops in the same jaeger.

Hand to hand combat elite. Muay Thai. Second generation marine.

Charm that had cracked Amren.

Elain: Nesta that man is more your type than Your Type. HE CAN KEEP UP WITH YOU. He's not afraid of you. “I know,” Nesta said. Nesta: YES I WANT TO CLIMB THAT MOUNTAIN

Elain arched a pale brow- different color, same shape- and hummed. “And he’s?” Elain: a perfect lock, a fucking doom, a sync so deep and long lasting you probably can't drift with ANYONE ELSE? “Yep.” Nesta: Yes. Nesta to Nesta: SO I'M PROBABLY GOING TO END UP ACCIDENTALLY KILLING HIM IN FUCKING DRIFT LIKE I DID YOU- THAT PERFECT STUPID ASSHOLE- Quietly, Elain swore.

She stole the binder out of his hand- they both pretended he hadn’t already been holding it out, that their reaches hadn’t perfectly, on time, overlapped. STILL GHOSTING BESTIES

She opened it. “Mhmm. Where are we from? Easy, we’re both American. Do we have siblings?” She snickered. “Yes. Where did we go to school? Places that are under the ocean now.”

GUYS guys guys they are both from places that no longer EXIST. They both came of age in war! they both, in a fucked way, thrive in the war. It's what they have- the infinite drift, purpose, and their siblings who are a direct part of that. Cassian tried to take the binder back. She shut it on his hand. “That gave us the childhood trauma book?” AMREN IS GOOD AT HER JOB (AND FUCKING WITH NESTA) She flicked the hand he hadn’t moved, lodged between the pages. “Origin stories, Asani.” Nesta is a fucking NERD and she likes the shape of Cassian's name in her mouth. “We already know all of this, Archeron,” He sighed, and she finally let him pull back. “Wanna flip?” It seemed like a trap- it felt like…fun. Cassian had the distinctly wild thought that Nesta must have been a nightmare in first level training, and half wished he’d seen it. Had her voice already contained that murder drawl at sixteen?

The only thing messier than baby! Feysand would have been Baby Nessian. It would have been on sight. It would have been a CATASTROPHE. they would have fucked it up so hard and then longed for each other for years until like...out of the blue eloping the very next time they crossed paths. No hesitation.

Cassian leaned forward, propped elbows on knees. “Go ahead.” He might have said it like a challenge- Nesta’s face might have brightened in catlike pleasure.

“Cassian Karam Asani. Twenty-seven years old, in service since your eighteenth birthday.” She was watching his face, and Cassian could do little but stare back. “You grew up on the East coast. Have an older brother. You’re a caffeine addict who likes to box. Dad died when you were ten.You have your mother’s green eyes and your paternal grandfathers face.” Her gaze flickered up, caught him.

Cassian could hear his heart hammering in his chest, pull from the rise and fall of his ribs too fast. “That’s not in my file.”

Cassian to the world: calm, cheerful, good at his job. Cassian to himself: Sure I'm Good at this Sure I Can Feel Her in my BONES- sure i definitely fucked this up- there's no way nESTA WANTS TO KNOW ME- SHE CAN'T POSSIBLY-

Nesta: it's real bitch “We dropped, Asani.” More than a drop, a successful drift. He didn’t need to say it, Nesta was already sniping in victory. “You love strawberry matcha cake.” “I can make it, too,” Cassian shot, with forced lightness.

Cassian: I COULD MAKE IT FOR YOU? what else did you see? if I'm yours...you're mine? please.

“Nesta Iseult Archeron. West Coast. Your mom taught literature, which is how you got that name. She died when you were twelve. You’re the older sister. You’re also a caffeine addict. Three tattoos. You miss sparring with your sister, and it makes you feel like shit. You horde Korean moisturizer.” “Eight tattoos.” She didn’t mean herself. SHE'S GOING TO LEARN THEM WITH HER TEETH YALL

“You hate the color blue.” hELLO, Trauma She laughed, and it wasn’t particularly joyful. “Your brother’s downstairs in the labs.” “Wrong.” Realer smile, he wanted to keep talking, “I have two.”

Nesta recrossed her legs, the entire table monopolized. “Middle child?’

An outstretched brown hand, tilted back and forth, “Azriel is only a year older than me. My other brother is…more complicated. Much younger. Az and I half raised him, but we don’t really talk.” And Nesta, mystifyingly said, “Me too. Two sisters, I mean.” She rolled her shoulders, made a face that said fuck, as her mouth continued with, “I’ve been trying to keep her out of a jaeger since she was fourteen.”

Nesta casts them IN THE SAME ROLE in her head. The middle child thing trips her for precisely two seconds and then. of course. Yeah, of course. “Three Archerons in the corps? Thats”- “The Admiralties wet dream, I know. She’s good- she’s so, so good, but I’m trying to make sure she grows up first.”

Nesta: OVER MY DEAD FUCKNG BODY WILL MY BABY SISTER GO FIGHT THIS WAR

“Rhys can’t drift. He’s Airforce now, incredible- twenty years ago, he’d be on tract to be an astronaut, but now-“ I loved making Rhys finally bad at something? He's a smart, angry kid thrashing around in a difficult world. He's SO CLASSICALLY YOUNG AND STUPID ABOUT EVERYTHING “Now the world is gone to shit?” “Tried to, at least.” Her laugh was nearly silent, small. Real.

Cassian looked at Nesta, and Nesta looked at Cassian.

The Look. The i SEE YOU AND YOU SEE ME, no this changes nothing, no this changes everything Look-

Amren is very, very, VERY good at her job, have I mentioned that?

[amydancepants-peralta]

from the bottom of my heart

(Hi @dumpsteramy! I am your Secret Santa, and I have finally arrived with your Christmas gift! 🎅🏼 I hope you enjoy xx)

from the bottom of my heart 

For a detective that had - a mere five hours ago - participated in the takedown of one of Brooklyn’s most notorious killers, Jake Peralta knows that he is feeling way too nervous about the tiny parcel that is currently sitting inconspicuously on his kitchen counter.  

He reminds himself of this fact, hands obsessively wiping down each surface one last time in preparation for Amy’s arrival - running through his memory bank of various moments of bad-assery - but try as he might; every single time he glances at the box, wrapped in brown paper and too small to be anything but innocent, his heart leaps back up into his throat all over again.  

It’s possible, he reasons; as he grabs the last pair of dirty socks off the floor and throws them in the direction of the hamper, that it’s because this year is one of the few times that he’s actually had a girlfriend over the holiday season.  

(The reason behind that detail, he’s not entirely sure hasn’t been deliberate, however that’s just a little too much to unpack right now.)

But it’s also possible (and honestly, curse his impeccable detective instincts, because sometimes ignorance truly is bliss) that it’s because of who his girlfriend is this year; and how much he’s already hoping for a hundred or more Christmases together, that his nerves just plain refuse to take a chill pill for a minute or two.  (Or was it whom?  Seriously.  He cannot tell.)

And then, there’s also the minor fact that he’s kinda sorta already completely fallen in love with her - a tiny nicety that he cannot bring himself to say out loud just yet, because that really is a bell that one cannot unring.  But there were implications within that little brown box, connotations of many more years together that hasn’t yet been suggested but that he wants to imagine could actually be possible, and right now he could really do with Terry’s magic 8 ball to give him some kind of sign that everything is going to turn out just fine.  

Just be cool, Peralta.  No biggie if Amy doesn’t like it.  Jake winces, head shaking at his own thought; checking on the takeout keeping warm in the oven.  He really is a terrible liar.  

It’s only the sound of a key sliding into the lock - AMY’S key, because they are dating and have each other’s keys and it really shouldn’t make him this giddy two weeks later but it really does - that pulls Jake’s mind away from his slightly obsessive thoughts, and his face morphs into a happy grin as Amy lets herself in to his apartment.  

Her face is flushed from the cold, half hidden behind a layer of scarves and jacket collars, but then their eyes meet and she smiles and oh, he really is the luckiest guy in all of New York.  

“Hey!  Sorry I’m a little late.  Just got completely swept up in that last bit of paperwork, you know?”  Letting his front door swing shut behind her, she uses her free hand to unwrap the layers of wool, craning her neck to meet Jake’s welcome home kiss.  “But!  I made us some cookies for dessert.  Santa ones, with lots of icing.  You’re gonna love them.”

He gives Amy what he hopes is a convincing smile, helping her slide the last sleeve of her jacket off and casting it on a nearby barstool as her hands wrap around his waist.  “Sounds amazing, babe.”

“Mmm.  More kisses, please.”

It’s a polite request - honestly, he’d have responded the same even if it been a demand - and as a contented smile lifts Jake’s lips he leans in for another kiss, letting this one linger for a moment or two, purely because he can.  

She sighs against his mouth, shuffling closer and planting her palms against his hoodie; reaching up for the zipper as their lips press together once more.

His eyebrows raise as the zipper descends, pulling away slightly as her hands wrap around his now free middle with a secret smile.  She dips her head into his neck, that perfect mixture of flowers and ink that he’s come to know as Amy washing over him, and even though Jake’s technically been here for hours, finally it feels like he’s home.  

The hug continues for a beat, and despite the fact that he’d probably stand here for hours if Amy only asked, Jake breaks the comfortable silence to voice a nagging suspicion.  “Can’t tell if this is a sweet hug from my girlfriend, or a brazen attempt to steal all of my body heat.”

“You know I’m an excellent multi-talker, Peralta.  Clearly, it’s both.”  Her soft lips press against the base of his neck as though offering payment for his services, and Jake’s grip on his girlfriend tightens.  “You’re just so warm, and Brooklyn is so cold tonight.”

“Oh, so this is like a two-for-one deal kinda sitch.”

Amy nods, the soft edge of her chin rubbing along Jake’s collarbone and truly, he could have a thousand more nights just like this.  

Her head lifts slightly, sniffing the air before turning her attention back to Jake.  “Can I smell Thai Guy’s Tom Kha Kai?”

“You can.”

She grins, giving his waist a quick squeeze before releasing him from her warmth-stealing hug.  “Wow.  You definitely win Best Boyfriend for today.”

“Best Boyfriend?  Noice.  If I’d known it was that easy, I would’ve ordered double on standby for future awards.”

Amy grins, chuckling softly before noticing the parcel (because she honestly is the best detective - even if he’ll never say it out loud), letting her hands run along the edges of his hoodie as she pulls away to make a closer inspection.  “What’s this?”

His heart has most definitely returned to it’s seemingly new home at the base of his throat, but somehow Jake manages to persevere.  “Oh, it’s some-nothing really … just something I picked up and it’s nothing really it doesn’t matter.”

Her right eyebrow twitches up, throwing him that look she gets whenever she senses a lead, and Jake sighs. 

“So … I know you know how my mom used to work a lot, since my dad was a leaving jerk who left like a jerk and whatever.”  Amy nods, remaining silent.  “Well, the holidays always paid really well so I spent a lot of them with Nana or Gina or sometimes just me and the tv.”

“And Die Hard.”

“Naturally.  It’s the only Christmas movie worth watching.  And we’d make our own holiday day, somewhere in the week, so the whole actual date thing really wasn’t that big of a deal.  But … we did have this one tradition, that actually started the first Christmas after my dad left.”   

He watches nervously as Amy rounds the counter, using the tip of her perfectly manicured fingers to shuffle the parcel closer to her position, and takes a heavy swallow.  “My mom would buy - and sometimes make - ornaments, and put pictures of us from throughout the year in them.”  Running one hand through his hair, Jake moves until he’s leaning against the opposite side of the bench.  “She said that way, we were celebrating the year that was and making wishes for more of the same.  As you can imagine, as time went on the tree had a bunch of photos of her and I.  It was actually kinda cool.”

“It sounds really lovely, Jake.”

Nodding, Jake points at the package Amy’s nimble fingers have begun toying with, silently encouraging her to lift the lid as he continues.  “Yeah, so … I sort of had this thought that maybe … this year there could be one with us on the tree.”

Giving Jake one last curious glance, Amy lifts the lid of the small brown box, chewing her lower lip as the contents come into view.  

With his stomach feeling like it’s dropped to his feet, Jake leans into the counter, waiting with bated breath for Amy’s response; and she lifts the tiny wreath ornament from it’s resting place, letting the trinket spin as a selfie Jake took of the two of them two months ago flickers in front of their eyes.  

It’s the silence that’s killing him, the need to explain and deflect and pretend everything is fine too strong, and even though Jake knows he’s rambling, the words just start tumbling out of his mouth.  “It’s no biggie, really.  Just something that I thought might be cool.  It’s okay if you hate it, we don’t need to bother next year, thats if there even is a next - ” The gentle press of two of Amy’s fingers against his lips throws Jake into silence, and she holds them in place as she rounds the corner of the kitchen counter again, only pulling away once she’s by his side again.  

“Jake.  I think it’s wonderful.  I could never hate this.”

With the sense of relief flooding through his veins, Jake manages a smile, tucking the strand of hair that’s fallen from Amy’s work appropriate up-do behind her ear.  “Yeah?"

“Yeah.  It’s amazing, actually.”  Her hands come to rest on either side of his neck, the sheer familiarity and comfort of the move subsiding any linger nerves as she looks up at him with the softest gaze.  “A really special tradition, that I cannot wait to continue.  And honestly, I just feel so lucky that you’d want to share it with me.  Thank you, babe.”

Her lips press against his as she pulls him in for a grateful kiss; and even as his hands slide along the smooth edges of Amy’s back, Jake can’t help but think that if there’s anyone in this kitchen that’s lucky, it is most definitely him.  After all, not only does Amy love the tradition, she cannot wait to continue it - and what could be greater than that?

He wraps his arms around Amy completely, pulling her in for a tighter hug as the kiss breaks, and with her chin resting against his shoulder she takes in the rest of her surroundings.

“Hey.  You cleaned!”

Feeling a tiny glimmer of pride at her observation, Jake nods to play it cool.  “Well, you know.  Tis the season, and all that.”

“The cleaning season?”  Gasping, Amy tilts her face back up to Jake with a giant smile.  “Oh my gosh, can you imagine!?  There could be a different cleaning method each day!” 

Her eyes are bright, taking on that special sparkly quality that just takes her beauty levels from one hundred to one thousand as she describes all the different products that could be used, and he is most definitely, absolutely, totally and utterly, head over heels in love with Amy Santiago.  

“Look, all of that sounds amazing, Ames, and I’m sure one day if you wish really hard it might even come true.  But … for now, how about we eat this Best Boyfriend Award winning dinner I ordered and watch some top quality movies on the couch?"

Amy nods, raising one finger in a friendly reprimand.  “But no Die Hard, we watched it just last week.”

“It’s a vintage classic, babe!  The kind of movie that never grows old.”

Her responding eye roll is good-natured in it’s delivery, a gentle slap landing along the line of shoulder.  “Vintage or not, I get to choose the movie tonight.”

Letting out an exaggeratedly defeated sigh, Jake decides that a pre-dinner commiseration cookie is in order, and he lifts the lid to the container as Amy removes their food from the oven.

“Uh, babe … are these the cookies you made?”

“Yeah?”

“They look … neat.”  Jake smiles, one that he knows isn’t very convincing, but he’s also not entirely certain that the lumps he’s discovered in the container are actually cookies - even out of technicality.

Amy’s eyes narrow, abandoning her serving of rice to gaze over Jake’s shoulder, jabbing a finger into his spine.  “Out with it, Peralta.”

“No, it’s nothing, it’s just … have you ever seen that show, Nailed It?”

Her jaw drops, brows raising in obvious indignation as she reaches for one of the lumps.  “Hey!  Eat your damn cookie, detective.  Or don’t go expecting anything to happen with your candy cane tonight.”

“My candy ca- oh!  My ‘candy cane’.  Ha.  Nice euphemism, Ames.”  Winking, he snatches the cookie out of Amy’s protective grip, snarfing it down in one bite.  “Mmm, yummy.  Don’t mind me, just standing here enjoying this deliciously amazing cookie that my incredible girlfriend made for me with her bare hands and doesn’t taste like a salt lick at all.”

Casting a side-eyed glance at Jake as she returns to serving their dinner, Amy mutters something about how she really thought the extra icing would hide the salt taste; and even though it’s probably completely insane, he feels strangely excited at the thought of many more years pretending to enjoy his girlfriend’s cooking.  

The idea of it all - of a mixture of Christmases, Hanukkahs and Noche Bueanas alike filling up their years - makes Jake’s face break out into a stupidly wide grin; and without thinking he reaches for another cookie, this time making no complaint as the salty sweet combination begins to grow on him.  

And truly, there could not be any greater sign that he is completely in love with Amy if he tried.

*

(A few or so years from now, there will be a Christmas tree standing tall in the living room of the  Santiago-Peralta home, covered in ornaments and memories alike.  Their son Mac will place the very last decoration on the tree - a tiny little sonogram of his soon-to-be-born little sister - and Jake will ruffle his hair and remember a time when all of this had only been an unspoken dream.)

[mejomonster]

I know the current bi rep in shows overall isn't perfect, but woe does it mean a lot to me just how much more common it us to nowadays find lots of mainstream watched shows that have explicitly bi characters in them

When I was growing up there was rarely lgbt representation in shows unless they were specifically made for lgbt audiences (buffy is the only one I can think of, or a couple eps in ds9, xena was subtext but the close, then there was queer as folk and the l word that mainstream wasn't watching)

And now? I can check out a show a family member recommends, and there's a good chance there's a bi character like me. Not always, but a decent amount of time. How to Get Away With Murder. The 100. Pretty Little Liars. Person of Interest. Orphan Black. Black Sails. (And I can find cdramas with bo characters like Bureau of Transformers like Two Souls in One like Bromance, can find Thai dramas like 3 Will Be Free, Japanese dramas like Kieta Hatsukoi). Can find video games like Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Assasins Creed, Life is Strange, The Last of Us 2. A lot of these aren't perfect by any means and some I like or dislike more than others.

But when I was growing up? People told me flat out that bisexuals didnt exist. Authority figures, peers, told me how I felt wasn't valid and I needed to "pick." Told be bisexual just meant I wanted to sleep with everything that moved (which yes fucked up to say to a person and fucked up to say to a 15 year old kid). And I had so little way of knowing any better, of examples of myself to counteract what I was being told and expected to do. My school GSA also didn't think bisexuality was a 'thing,' but instead a 'phase' or for attention or people who haven't made up their mind (and god do those beliefs make me angry). It took years of being surrounded by this and occasionally thank God meeting another bisexual person who felt like I did and understood, of finding online lgbt resources that recognized bisexuality, it took finding more community.

And now its just. I'm so glad if I was a show I can see someone like me. I'm so glad no one in my family can say "bisexuality isn't real" because it's not something to believe anymore - I can point out a celebrity who's popular who's bisexual, I can mention a show a movie a game they've seen and bring up what bisexuality is in case they want to play pretend that they cant understand what it is. But growing up people genuinely got away with saying it wasn't real, claiming you were in a phase or being a freak, and you couldn't find another person like you at your age who wasn't being fed the same bullshit to hate themselves and wonder why people were calling their feelings fake, you couldn't find a piece of popular media and go THATS what I'm like goddamn it.

God it isn't perfect by any means but representation does matter and I'm so glad to see the increases that have happened over the last couple decades. (In the movie industry in some ways its gotten worse mind you, Disney being one particular fucker). But just like... if I'd been 15 and seen Annalise Keating on TV I might have known bisexuality is real and I can grow up and have an established life and there's bisexuals who know their sexuality and live their lives. If id seen The 100 I might have realized you can love multiple genders and not have to 'pick' like all the fucking adults in my life claiming. I remember so fondly But I'm a Cheerleader growing up cause it's was a rare movie I saw where a girl who loves a girls feelings were treated as REAL and they got a happy ending. Just seeing lgbt people at all as explicitly accepting of their sexuality and acknowledged and having a happy ending was notable. I remember even Jennifer's Body stood out back then because even not being the main point, and being a horror, it was nice to see another bi teen girl like I was in anything. There's still so much more Id like improved on and more diversity shown and more stories in general explored. But it's nice to see bi people at all in common things now, on channels other than specifically for lgbt audiences, it's nice to see enough now that I know a person watching regular media is more likely to at least vaguely know lgbt people Exist. (Whereas when I was growing up, if you weren't watching lgbt channel stuff or japanese bl anime you were unlikely to see lgbt people mentioned at all as a thing that even might exist - even shows that barely do much now like Teen Wolf having a minor gay character where it's explicitly acknowledged is more than mainstream media was likely to show when I was growing up). I'm just. I'm glad there's a bit more visibility.

[misterbitches]

Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101

Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL

Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)

Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.

Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is

Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like

The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet

Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK

There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)

Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.

Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.

I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.

Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)

I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.

Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!

[strawberryspeachy]

Lurking around fb and saw the “common friends” on a friends page and seeing the two together reminded me of a conversation i had with one of them

So the dude liked the girl. I met the girl when she first moved to my area in art class and she started talking to me immediately (basically saying ‘hey! Youre the only other not white person ive seen all day’ leaving me like ?????? Weird way to start a convo)

Anyhow fast foward a few years and meeting her when she first arrived came up in convo with the dude. And he was like no i met her first! and just cause i didnt think he knew that I literally met her on her first say in the school i was like - pretty sure i knew her before you

And this dude liked to play argue with people- so he started to do that. And drew me in - until the “argument” devolved into some weird ‘who knows her better’

And i was like

Wait wait.... this is fucking weird. I... dont actually... care that much?

I think that memory popped up because i comment on youtube videos time to time and i commented on one a couple months ago about para? Relationships and how thats why people are so invested in influences lives

And i just really take issue when people use words like “everyone” and “all” because not true. Were not all the same

And i dont develop that feeling with strangers - despite my best efforts as a teen to be normal and fangirl - i always lost interest after a couple weeks because i just didnt care

That doesnt mean i dont get excited over SOME celeberties or dont stop to check out new work. Of course.

But honestly the list of people i would wake up early and go wait in line somwhere to see them is very small.

And beyond that theres only another handful where if i happened to see them on the street, i would ask for a picture or something. And that handful are people whose work i genuinely like, not because i think theyre my friends

I didnt write all that. But i am genuinely confused by the interest in “attractive” peoples lives.

And someone commented that i am lying and if i ever saw an influencer id beg for a picture with them

Honestly offended by the idea cause going badk to that convo about my high school friend. I really really really hate talking about random other people in a way thay emulates them. I dont paticipate in it. I get grossed out when people try to drag me into those kinds of conversations. I hate when im with someone and they get really fucking hype over an expensive car or a crowd or a camera crew.

I dont wanna be part of the crowd thats obsessing over some rando with a pretty face or money.

I dont wanna get drug into a crowd obsessing over someones work that i dont care about

One of my college friends told me about a news article she saw about my favorite singers dating life.... and i didn’t know how to reply because they definitely told me expecting me to get excited in some way over it... but i just dont care. Like cook. Hes a talented attractive single dude in his late 40s - makes sense hell wanna settle down with someone sometime and its not gonna be me lol

Also. I do get disturbed when i know too much information about random people i dont actually know

Like celebrities- ones i dont like i rlly try my best to not learn anything about. I dont care

Ones i like - information they wanna put out into the world - sure ill listen from time to time. But i dont rlly care one way or another

“Influencers” aka conventionally attractive people with a camera and no other talent - i wish ppl didnt care so these assholes couldnt just coast by in life on their genetics - suffer like the rest of us.

So i hate them and no. I would not want pictures with them. I dont wanna meet them. I dont get the appeal. I try to pretend they dont exist.

Edit: side note. I stopped getting nauseous and all about talking in front of people after i realized that i dont care about other peoples presentations. I dont care when i see someone do something embarrassing (ill still laugh and enjoy it but.... who cares?) so why do i worry what other people will think of me? The answer is - they wont think of me.

And I seriously have never turned back. I rlly thought i was right until college when i realized - oh actually ppl are overly invested in other peoples lives - luckily for me it didnt revert me back. I just think thats weird

Also key in this is random other people - not ppl im romantically interested in (people i have met and talked to and had back and forth exchanges with) not super close friends or family and not people that affect our every day lives like corporate assholes and government employees.

I very much care about their day to day lives and thoughts and personal lives. Cause theyre important - to me or society or both.

Same with a group of people becoming a monolith which affects public opinion.

Like, There a difference between being annoyed by what the kardashians stand for and do to american society - while also refusing to watch their show or give a fuck about what they do in their day to day lives.

[n-ugg]

I didn't expect to get tagged but here we are. As you all will be able to tell in a bit, I am a massive Quackity fan

Thank you for tagging me @skeetlehands!

who is your favourite member on the smp?

Look, I love them all but these have a special place in my heart.

Quackity, Slimecicle (I am fully aware he just joined but I still love him), Schlatt, Tubbo, Eret, AweSamdude, and Ponk.

They're just great in and out of character and just have comforting vibes.

when did you first start watching the smp and what made you get into it?

I gotten in during the Pogtopia era since it took me a while to get access to the streams.

I mainly gotten in with the Sad-ist War animatics along with me trying to catch up on Quackity's VODS. Just someone that I was already familiar with being an easier shift into story and learning others through him

what is your favourite part about watching the smp?

Just watching everyone interact with other and just seeing the plot progress in real time. Its literally just dnd but with extra steps but I enjoy it so much

The improv that they all do is amazing and how everyone have different approaches to their characters makes my writer's side so happy with dissecting everything.

What piece of cursed lore is your favourite

That Wilbur canonically fucked a fish and Philza canonically fucked a Samasung fridge and just seeing the fanbase try to change into something that will at least make a bit more sense.

Im included in this, I basically joined the side that has Sally being a mermaid shapeshifting pirate. Mainly because of pirate Fundy

Who is your favorite duo on the smp

Slimecicle and Ranboo: They're the same person but in different fonts, you can convince me otherwise

Schlatt and Quackity: They managed to be super funny together with all of the jokes and balanced with making a very realistic abusive relationship work. It was always fun seeing them flirt with each other for a joke then get hit with whiplash when canon comes in to remind me that this isnt healthy

Tubbo and Tommy: They're two dumbasses who share the same braincell but then they constantly lose it and Tubbo mainly has custody of it

Wilbur and Schlatt: I just enjoy seeing Schlatt messing with Wilbur and occasionally flirts with him to get Wilbur more pissed off

Who are your comfort streamers

Quackity and Slimecicle are comfort streamers

Eret, Fundy, and AweSamdude are my comfort people (meaning I dont watch them as much but I find comfort in their presence. And the other two are also under this category)

Who is your favorite character

Quackity due to how complex his character is and yet how it looks so simple

Schlatt because is just a villian who knows how to play the game without getting caught

Tubbo, watching him trying to be hopeful with everything destroy around him and he just slowly become used to everything going wrong

AweSamdude because he is just trying his best to be a father figure others and I just got family issues

Who do you think the best actor(s) on the smp

Imma skip over the ones that we all already said and get into the ones that dont get enough praise

Quackity: Just how he managed to make his character seem so basic but in reality its really complex. And just seeing the shift from him being a chaotic force of nature to being a serious character that is trying his best to reach something that has been hanging over his head is just *chefs kiss* and he always delivers amazing lines on the spot.

BadBoyHalo: He is doing great right now, even though he is a bit rusty with starting he still manages to get into character and stay in character the entire time. When slowly easing in, you can tell its a bit forced but once he finds his footing, he knows how to deliver his lines.

AweSamdude: His entire bit where he was getting rescued from the egg fucking hurt. How he sounded weak from the entire thing and tired to where he just wanted to rest was so well. And I know he can act more energetic when he was accidentally dragged into playing a cop during Quackity's and Bad's date

Fundy: You guys need to give him more praise for his acting because he is fucking amazing at it. The little touches to how he voice when speaks is so good along with his body language in game. He knows what he's fucking doing and I love him for that. And when he snapped, it made complete sense if you payed attention to his character

I didnt add Ranboo because he's automatically at the top section due to him being a dnd player. Same goes to Slimecicle even though he hasnt acted yet. I dont make the rules. You play dnd, you know how to act

What are your favorite quotes

I dont have favorite quotes, just dialog heavy scenes.

Before Doomsday, Quackity going to take his horse far away from L'Manberg, it being the one thing he cares about. It was just so good

The entire Schlatt and Quackity argument in front of the white house

The meeting between Schlatt and Quackity with Schlatt yelling out to him in a taunting way to where Tommy and Quackity are trying to figure out what happened to the tnt. I constantly rewatch it to feel the adrinaline pumping to feel something

Wilbur's slow descend into insanity and talking to Tommy. Just showing his paranoia and fears consuming him, him projecting his fears into Tommy as an attempt of manipulation, and his hero complex shift into villian one

Schlatt's winning speech of him projecting it as something that was bound to happen no matter what. The amount of charisma and confidence that was in his voice as I was watching Tommy hiding underground in fear was just a perfect scene

Tommy's argument with Dream when everyone is protecting Tommy. Its the small details of Tommy taunting Dream to kill him, knowing he wont no matter what. Him telling everyone to protect Tubbo and everyone listening without hesitation.

The debate that Quackity and Dream had for like 11 or 14 minutes. All of that was completely unprompted unscripted, it was just so satisfying seeing someone stand up against Dream for the first time and actually beating him. Sure it was in a verble conflict but it still counts as a defeat

Be honest, who do you simp for? (Ayo if anyone says Tommy or Tubbo I will🗡)

Schlatt, Quackity, and Slimecicle

Its pretty obvious, I dont really try to hide it

Whats your favorite stream

Uhhhh I dont exactly have one so none I guess

Whats your least favorite streams

Im sorry, but all of the Jackbox stream. You need a specific group of people to play together in order to actually make it funny and keeping the energy throughout the entire thing.

After a bit later, everyone has a tendency of pandering to the audience and repeat jokes. They managed to beat jokes to the ground faster than Tiktok AND Twitter.

Dont get me started with DreamTeam being in there. They're funny in thier own rights but the shipping jokes get so unfunny so quick and they dont know how bounce off of others well. The only exception to this is when Quackity, Velvet, and Ant were playing with Sapnap and Dream. And thats because they decided to mess with the straight white guys into accidently saying offensive shit and seeing those two suffer with trying tiptoe around was so amusing

Whats something about the smp fandom thay makes you sad

This doesnt get me sad, just frustrated and its mostly towards dsmptok and dsmptwt but sometimes this fandom doesnt fucking know how to analyze characters. Like when everyone jumped on Tubbo on being the bad guy when he was a kid trying to use old tatics that knows that worked before and stand up for himself

How when one person decides to do something that they believe is right, everyone just throws the term villian arc around

When one person does one good thing the suddenly everyone accepts into them being good and not ever looking into it.

For fucks sakes, I saw people keep saying that Quackity was turning into Dream or Wilbur and I just sat there being confused on how they conntected those dots that were in different books.

Its so frustrating to read through. But here on dsmpblr, you guys actually understand character analysis, are able to critique them and able to love whoever you enjoy.

Another thing is how this fanbase really puts everyone on a pedestal or objectify them. Just completely forgetting that they're human and treat the streamer as a character. Like, yeah they're playing up a persona whenever they're making content but theres a difference and you shouldn't hold them up like that.

You cant use the argument of "They're young, they dont know any better", when I first entered my first fandom (I was like 11/12), I fully understood that theres a boundary between me and the creator. What they are on screen is a persona but they're still human and I should treat them as such. Its just something that bugs me and its unnerving to see whenever people start getting wierd about it

Final bit is just how the twitch chat acts. They all force the streamer to follow the 'main' plot of it being Tommy or Techno or whoever the fandom chooses to have a favorite, completely ignoring the fact that they are their own character. No one wants to meta game because where is the fun in that but the fucking chat gets so annoying when the streamer goes against fanfavorite of the week. It drains the fun of it being multiple pov's and different characters.

When Slimecicle was barely starting stream I saw so many people spam "Go with Ranboo" and not let him even get into lore first. I hated that I knew it was coming but it was still so fucking frustrating seeing them try to boss him around. Please just let people live outside of the 'main' plot, not everything revolves around your favorites. Now shut the fuck up and let them play

What about the smp fandom that makes you happy?

The people that create art, animatics, theories, playlist, or write oneshots

All of you creators are great and deserve so much more respect then what the fandom gives you because jesus fucking christ they're all so fucking rude. You guys are the ones that are carrying this fandom on your backs and I fucking respect yall for that

________________

Time for da spead: @nixavia @dambette404 and @mocha-is-lost yall dont need to join.....unless😳😳😳