#i hate that final speech i hate it i hate it i hate it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kingkat12 · 6 hours ago

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the truth about Roman Godfrey (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: piv sex, fingering, face-sitting, dub-con, semi-public sex, angst, edging, teasing, creampie, cum-play, unprotected sex, dry-humping, Roman is a manipulative ass, it gets very very dubious ouf

summary: it's been two weeks since the night you parted. it's been torture, it's been hell, it's been two weeks in a perpetual state of agony-- but to make matters worse, the upir you once called your boyfriend has no intension of making your time apart any easier.

word count: 15,851 (making up for the angst oop)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14

a/n: hopefully I won't have to have the ambulance on standby this time like I did for the last chapter;) JKJK this was SO fun to write, MWAH TO Y'ALL, I LOVE YOU!! enjoy part 1 of the last chapter<3

Roman once complained that I made him feel. He used to go on about it endlessly, that being conscious was a curse, that feeling anything at all was a fate worse than eternal damnation, and honestly? I had never completely understood any of it, as I had been preoccupied with feeling happy whenever he would give me these speeches in the middle of the night, with his arm wrapped around me as he let me rest my head on his bare chest-- he smelled like cigarettes. Cigarettes and sex. That was one of his favorite bands, too... not that he would ever admit to it, of course.

Roman Godfrey hated the entirety of Britney Spears' catalog. Roman Godfrey loved vintage car magazines.

Roman Godfrey hated people who insisted on riding their bicycles during traffic rush hour.

Roman Godfrey loved me.

What the fuck was I supposed to do with all of this knowledge stored in my head? What use did it have now? Two weeks had passed since we broke up, but I had only needed an hour or two to finally understand what Roman was getting at all those times he complained about feelings-- it truly felt like a fate worse than death.

This whole situation had put me in what felt like a comatose state. I had no idea how I was still pulling my ass out of bed to go to school, yet life went on, whether I wanted it to or not.

The hallway buzzed with life around me, but everything felt distant, muffled, like cotton stuffed between my ears. Letha's voice drifted through the haze, bright and animated, as she rattled off about something I should've been listening to. Really, after all she had done for me, I owed her that much... right? Her hands fluttered as she spoke, her freshly manicured nails catching the light in small glimmers.

I nodded at all the right moments, but I wasn't really there.

I never was, anymore.

Instead, my eyes stayed fixed ahead, locked on the far end of the hallway with a look of longing smeared on my face-- in moments like these, I couldn't control it.

Roman sat on one of the low windowsills, half-reclined, legs spread wide. A cigarette dangled lazily between his fingers, unlit, seeing as we were inside. His head was tipped back against the wall, watching the ceiling like it might split open. Maybe he hoped it would? The collar of his shirt was rumpled, the buttons uneven, like he'd gotten dressed in the dark and hadn't bothered to fix it. A girl, probably a cheerleader, stood next to him, leaning in close, too close-- her hair spilled over his shoulder as she whispered something into his ear.

Roman didn't flinch. He just smirked, slow and lazy, before flicking his cigarette between his fingers, keeping himself occupied. The cheerleader giggled (what would this be, his twelfth?) and tucked her hair behind her ear, her fingertips ghosting over his knee.

And just as I thought I would buckle over and throw up right in the hallway, I felt Letha's fingers tighten on my arm, pulling me back-- she had saved me from walking straight into Justin Montgomery, the leader of the track team; "Jeez," Letha mumbled, sending Justin a nasty look as she put her hand on my shoulder. "These brutes don't know how to watch where they're going."

"It's fine," I squeaked-- my intrusive thoughts were telling me to shut my brain down before she gained powers to read my mind and found out why I hadn't watched where I was going. That would've been severely incriminating, after all the times I had assured her I was over Roman by now.

... Liar.

Letha smiled; too sweet, too patient. "Anyway, what do you think?"

I blinked. "About...?"

It didn't take her long to piece together that I hadn't been listening. Letha sighed; "Don't be bothered by him," she tried, motioning towards Roman at the end of the hall with a nod. "He's been doing this since the day you broke up. You know it's a show."

"I know,"

"Then why do you care?"

"I... don't,"

Letha sighed again, patting my arm. "Anyway, so, I was talking about the party at Jasmine's next Friday. You'll come with me, won't you? We always used to have fun, you and I!"

Jasmine? I hadn't heard that name in a while. "I thought she was dead," I mumbled.

Letha scoffed; "Girl, she's not dead! She was just concussed for a while, but it makes sense that you didn't catch any of this... You were still with Roman when she came back to school, and you could barely focus on anything except him,"

My stomach turned. Nothing had changed, then.

I couldn't help but sneak another peek; Roman was laughing now-- low, breathless. The girl was leaning in even closer now, fingers brushing up his thigh. His eyes stayed pinned to her face, but for the briefest second, I saw it; the flicker, the glance.

He knew I was watching.

He wanted me to.

Fucker.

"Please?" Letha's voice cut through the fog again, pressing right against my ear. Her breath was warm against my neck, making me flinch. "I'm desperate to go, even though she turned out to be a fucking hag... she always knew how to throw a good party, though, and I think it will be fun!"

I swallowed hard, eyes still glued to Roman. He leaned back further against the wall, stretching out like a cat in the sun. His smirk grew wider, hungrier. He whispered something back to the girl, just loud enough that I could hear the murmur of his voice, but not the words.

My heart thudded painfully in my chest; "Fine," I breathed. "I'll be distracted there, at least..."

Letha's smile widened like I had passed some kind of test. She looped her arm through mine, warm and possessive. "I knew you'd come around! I'm so glad we're friends again, honestly,"

"Me too," I mumbled, looking away.

I didn't want to go to some party, especially not Jasmine's after what she had done to me. However, I felt like I owed Letha my attendance-- she had helped me with the whole Roman-is-a-upir situation, after all.

It was odd to be friends with her again. It was odd to be acting like this, like we had forgiven each other. It was like I had been catapulted back three or four months when I was running around secretly crushing on Roman-- I had stepped back to square one.

Something felt wrong about everything that was going on.

Everything was wrong.

The cheerleader flirting with Roman right now had no idea who she was currently feeling up. She had absolutely no idea at all, not the faintest clue whatsoever. It was so, so wrong, on all levels, yet there he sat, smug off his ass about the fact that he could flirt with every living thing to gain some leverage in our breakup. I knew him well enough to know he saw this as yet another competition he could win.

Roman Godfrey hated talking about his family. Roman Godfrey loved rambling about space.

Roman Godfrey hated losing.

Roman Godfrey loved me.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

... But first and foremost, I think Roman Godfrey hated losing me.

It became obvious with every day that passed-- that's why he surrounded himself with all these girls.

Roman stood by the vending machine in the cafeteria the next day, leaning against the wall with one shoulder. He was halfway turned away, letting some girl I barely recognized twirl a strand of her hair around her finger while she giggled at whatever he was saying. His smirk was lazy, his eyes hooded like he was barely paying attention, like none of it really mattered to him either.

Except when my gaze locked onto him.

Roman immediately looked up-- he had been keeping an eye on me, and he was giving it away too easy. Way too easy. It was only for a second, a flicker of green cutting through the noise, slicing right into me. My chest got tight as my breath caught on the edges of his stare.

But then, as always, his eyes dropped, flicking away like I wasn't even there, like I was nothing.

For two weeks straight, he had done this almost every day. Roman had conveniently placed himself in my eyesight, and for two weeks, I had let it get to me. I had let it squeeze all the blood out of my heart, let it keep me up at night, and I had let it drive me mad.

And... today was no different.

I tried to concentrate on my food. Tried to move the broccoli around on my tray, twirling my fork between my fingers in order to pass time while I waited for Letha to come and join me. My whole body burned with the knowledge of what he was and what he could do-- but the more I thought about what he could possibly do with his upir powers, the more I thought about what he could also do with his fingers.

If I closed my eyes, I could see it, feel it, hear it.

Roman's voice would get low, dripping with a dangerous mix of seduction and patronizing teasing as his fingers curled inside me; "Someone's getting worked up, hm?"

"Fuck-- Fuck off," I would squirm in his lap, breathing heavily into the crook of his neck as he fingered me. He used to enjoy getting me off like this when he knew I'd had a bad day, he used to get the biggest fucking rush.

Because he liked me, Roman would go slow. Because he adored me, he'd kiss my cheek and allow me to grind up against the heel of his palm. Because he loved me, he'd pull me away from his neck with his free hand and kiss me. Over and over, he'd drag his tongue across my bottom lip with teasing licks, listening to my breath hitching.

Over and over.

"What, you want me to go?" Roman purred, pumping his fingers into me deeper while he kept a steady rhythm. "You want me to leave you like this, all pretty and needy?"

I could only whimper; "Don't--"

"Don't what?"

"Don't leave-- A-Ah--"

God, how I loved him. It was impossible not to.

Sex with Roman had turned into something I never thought it would-- it became a form of saying all the things we couldn't say. Making each other feel good, every tug of the others' hair, every kiss, every stolen whimper or moan, was just our way of saying I love you, I love you, I love you. I knew that, now.

"Aw, that's sweet," Roman's green eyes had shimmered so, so bright that day. "I would never leave you."

I snorted at the memory, and it brought me back to present time. I realized I had crossed my legs, clenching and unclenching to relieve the heat building between my thighs. Fuck. Feeling my cheeks burn with arousal and embarrassment, I glanced back at Roman, but he wasn't looking anymore. He was leaning in closer to the girl now, saying something low against the shell of her ear. My stomach clenched. He didn't even like girls like that... or had he lied?

Roman was doing this on purpose. I tried to tell myself that over and over.

He wanted me to hurt, just like I had hurt him by turning him away.

And in my mind, Letha's words echoed; "I told you," The more I thought about her warnings, the more her perfume flooded my nose. "He's not the same anymore. You know who he is underneath everything! You just didn't want to see it before... but remember that I'm here for you through all of this. I'm your best friend, am I not?"

I swallowed hard, gluing my eyes to the floor. I couldn't look at Roman anymore; I had already seen too much. I had seen what he could become, what he was, when he nearly choked and beat Daniel half to death at prom. The hunger, the darkness-- everything Letha had whispered about in hushed warnings when no one else could hear. I had read about it in that stupid book, and traced my fingers over the pages until they'd crumpled under my touch, but none of that was what haunted me.

It was the look in his eyes the night he left.

The broken, wrecked thing hiding beneath all that anger.

Maybe that was the worst part... That even now, with Letha's voice in my ear and his green eyes haunting my every moment, I still missed him. I still loved him. I was afraid I would do so forever, just as I had promised him.

It was time to fight it.

I stood up from the table, harshly kicking away my chair-- I saw Roman react in the corner of my eye, watching me as I stormed out. His eyes rounded out as he snapped out of his act and stepped away from the girl.

It's on.

Roman Godfrey hated spinach. Roman Godfrey loved the smell of diesel leaking from his red jag.

Roman Godfrey hated old people-- he always said they were gross.

Roman Godfrey loved me.

And I needed to stop loving him, stat.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

I had hoped that my thought-through schemes were a thing of my past. They had led me down several bad roads before, but it seemed I hadn't learned anything at all; because now, I was hatching out my new masterplan.

How to fall out of love with a upir; the ultimate guide.

... That would certainly be more entertaining than the other book about upirs that I knew way too well.

Anyway, I started with the small things. I finally decided that I would change his name in my contacts from Romy Schneider to simply Roman. There was no need to sit around and wallow in the memory of old nicknames, right?

I decided to do this at school, when I was walking to my new class. It didn't feel so ceremonial, then. I made my way up a narrow staircase packed with students squeezing past one another, the air thick with stale heat, and I kept my head down as I removed the nickname whilst trying to disappear into the stream of bodies.

And it was right at this moment that my first efforts of falling out of love fell apart.

It was almost ironic that the second I finished my job and glanced up, I saw him halfway down the stairs, moving in the opposite direction.

Roman.

My heart slammed into my ribs, breath catching painfully in my throat. He was talking to Peter, the two of them tucked close together in the slow-moving crowd. Peter murmured something low, barely audible over the noise, and Roman's lips curved into a smirk-- the kind that always made my stomach flip, once upon a time.

I shouldn't have been looking. I knew that, but I couldn't help it. My eyes traced the line of his throat, the sharp cut of his jaw. He was different now-- colder. His hair fell messily into his face, the shadows under his eyes carving deep into his pale skin. Still beautiful. Still Roman.

And then, like he felt me watching-- his gaze flicked up.

Fuck.

Within one aching second, our eyes locked.

I froze. Everything around me fell away, the rush of voices fading into muffled static. I could feel the burn of his stare pressing into me, pinning me where I stood.

Even better, was the moment I caught Roman's breath visibly catching. Was he maybe finally feeling guilty too?

It made something twist deep inside me, something small and cruel and hungry. Proof that I could still make him feel something-- that maybe I wasn't the only one unraveling under the weight of all this silence.

He recovered quickly, masking the flicker of vulnerability by keeping the same slow pace down the stairs. Peter was still talking, oblivious, but Roman's eyes stayed on me; he didn't look away this time, and neither did I.

I don't know how long we stared at each other. A second, maybe two, or a fucking eternity for all I know, before someone brushed past me, nudging my shoulder hard enough to break the spell. I clutched my phone tighter before I started putting it away into my pocket, forcing my feet to keep moving.

I thought I had gotten away, I really did, but when I glanced back over my shoulder, Roman was... turning?

And then he called my name.

It sounded more like a reflex than anything thought through, torn from him without permission. His voice cut through the crowd, like a signal made for my ears only.

I should've kept walking. I should've pretended not to hear him, but some stupid, aching part of me stopped and turned around.

That was all the invitation Roman needed. He had stopped in the middle of the stairs, looking back at me with those piercing green eyes I was sure I'd never forget-- I would never forget the night they were filled with tears either, as he begged me on his knees not to let him go. My heart ached as I dared to glance a look at Peter who stood by his side, clad with an awkward smile. Poor guy, caught in the middle of this.

"Hey," Roman tried, letting out a shaky exhale.

I couldn't breathe. I really, really couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. Roman could've easily mesmerized me to stay in my place and not move, but as I wiggled my fingers to check for any unusual sensations; nothing. I was standing here of my own free will, and that was somehow worse.

No, actually-- the worst part was when Roman started reaching for me, and his sleeves gathered beneath his wrists, unveiling the two hair ties I had given him months ago. He was still wearing them. He was still wearing them.

I was so distracted that I had let Roman's fingers catch against my wrist, barely a touch, barely there at all, but it was enough to send a shiver racing up my arm.

"Can we?--"

Talk?

No, no, no!

I yanked my hand back like I'd been burned and let out a high-pitched squeak of terror. My mind kept screaming at me that Letha had warned me he was dangerous, that he was a upir, that I shouldn't have ever let him come anywhere near me in the first place-- Roman's eyes widened as the crowd around us suddenly stopped to stare.

Horrified, I shoved my way through the masses of people, heart hammering in my chest. My whole body was shaking, nausea pooling in the back of my throat. I could still feel the ghost of his fingers on my skin, still smell the cigarette smoke clinging to his clothes. I couldn't believe he was still wearing my hair ties, even after flirting with all those girls to get my attention.

He didn't follow me. He couldn't, not with Peter and everyone else right there, watching.

I heard Peter's voice cut in; "Let's go, man,"

Roman didn't answer. I didn't dare look back, but I could feel it; the weight of him standing there, anchored to the spot like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"Roman..." Peter tried again, quieter this time. "Come on, people are looking."

A pause. Then, the faint scrape of shoes against linoleum filled the hall as they started moving again.

I kept walking until the burn in my throat turned into something sharper, something wet. I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, trying to steady my breath.

I had a masterplan. I had steps to follow, I couldn't get distracted by an incident like this!

... Even if it was the first time we had interacted in about two weeks. My heart swelled with unnameable feelings, unsure how to differentiate between the hurt and the satisfaction of hearing Roman's voice again. I couldn't believe he had been the one to initiate a conversation after how I had shot him down. How broken down must he be?

I tried not to think about it.

Roman Godfrey loved fast cars. Roman Godfrey hated liars.

Roman Godfrey had a weird aversion to green peppers.

Roman Godfrey still loved me, didn't he?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

Thankfully, Letha was happy to let me air out the thoughts I had been stifling when we met up for a study session the next day;

"It was so fucking rude," I whispered, angrily flicking through the pages of my history book. "He's been flirting with every single girl at this school in front of me, and suddenly he wants to talk to me? He has no right to even say my name!" I had no other way of processing my hurt than through anger; my body would break if it carried any more pain.

Letha sighed, glancing around in the numbing silence of the school library. She seemed anxious about my antics, anxious that I would suddenly raise my voice-- she sat across from me, flipping through her notes with quiet, practiced flicks of her fingers. Her voice was a soft murmur, just loud enough to puncture the hush. "Typical Roman... I told you to be prepared,"

"But people are talking about it!" I shot in. "Are they not? They all heard me whimpering to get away from him, it was so embarrassing!"

Letha's eyes were round with sympathy as she reached forward and put her hand on top of mine, stopping my rapid attack on my history book. "Let them talk,"

"But I!--"

"No one can know the real reason you broke up anyway, so what's the point?" she tried, her voice soft. "If Roman wants to play games, he needs to learn that things have consequences. It's not like his mom taught him that lesson, so... it seems you will be the perfect example."

I kept my eyes fixed on my textbook as I retracted my hand, pretending to read. The words blurred together, meaningless. The more I thought about Roman and his antics, the more I wanted to disappear. "Everything just... hurts," I mumbled. "I know I shouldn't be saying it, but I miss him."

Letha sighed once more, nodding to herself as she watched me drown in my thoughts. "Even though he's flirting with the cheerleaders again?"

"Yes," It was a painful confession; a pathetic one, at most. "He's obviously not into them, he just has no other way of retaliating."

"Retaliating?"

"Obviously? Roman's pissed, this is how he functions," I sucked in a sharp breath, absentmindedly tracing the words in my history book. "I doubt he's sleeping with them though, that's for sure."

Silence.

After a few seconds too long, I glanced up at Letha through my brows. My heart painfully skipped a beat, kicking at my ribs; "You don't think he's?--"

"You don't?" Letha bit the inside of her cheek, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back into her chair. "Flash news! My cousin's a whore."

"He's not!"

"He is,"

"Not-- Not anymore!"

"Once a nympho, always a nympho,"

"Not after therapy!" A beat. Two. "Okay, Roman hasn't been to therapy, but he's not a!--"

"Nympho? Totally," Letha said with a snort.

"Not anymore! He's not sleeping with them!" I hissed. "He loves me!"

Letha's shoulder slumped, and she had a peculiar look on her face; come on. "He said that?"

"Yes! I told you this!--"

"Then he's a liar as well," Letha snapped. "Get it in your head, for once." Within a snap of a second, she leaned forward, scooping all her books into a heap while speaking with a lowered voice; "The quicker you understand that being involved with a upir puts you in danger, the quicker you will feel better!"

My temper was coming to a boil. "We were good before I knew, though! Maybe it would've been better if you'd never confirmed it to me in the first place?!--"

"Grow up!" Letha hissed. "Stop taking your anger out on me, and start focusing on staying out of the mess you've made instead!" With that, she stuffed her books into her bag, breathing heavily in and out of her nose to keep calm. Her next words seeped out from between her gritted teeth; "I've done nothing but help you, even after you pulled all that shit behind my back. It wouldn't hurt you to be just a little grateful."

I had half the mind to throw a book at Letha when she turned around, but the further away she got, the more I knew I'd miss. Hesitation one-oh-one.

The other half of my mind came to the clearest conclusion I'd had in a while; the Godfreys were a crazy fucking bunch, and they were certainly not good news. I tried telling myself that Letha was simply looking out for me, and that her harshness could be explained by everything that had happened between us-- that was understandable, after all. If she hadn't harbored any animosity after everything, it would've been weird, right? And if I was having such vivid images of throwing books after her, I couldn't be completely free of animosity either?

Going back to studying after everything that had gone down was a hard task in itself, especially when I felt people all around me whispering. It was either that they had caught onto the fight between me and Letha, or it was the usual-- isn't that Roman Godfrey's girl?

Not anymore, fuckwads.

And just as I was about to wallow in more self-pity, I felt a rather harsh tap on my shoulder, hard enough to make me flinch and turn around to glare at the perpetrator.

... I really shouldn't have.

I looked right up at my math teacher, Mr. Warrens, who was now looming over me with a coffee cup in one hand and a clipboard in the other. He wasn't exactly the scariest teacher in school, but right now he had a damning look on his face which alarmed me; this could certainly not be good news?

"I see this is where you spend your free time, miss?" Mr. Warrens said, raising a brow. "Didn't imagine you were the type to sit around and study anything at all."

I let out the most anxious giggle of all time, blindly closing my history book as I cracked a polite smile. "You'd be surprised,"

"Oh, I am," Mr. Warrens took a sip of his coffee with a presumptuous look in his eyes; "Have you ever considered assorting any study time to maths instead?"

This was mortifying. "I was-- I was planning on doing my math assignment after this, sir,"

He didn't seem particularly convinced by my lie, but with a scoff, he moved on from it; he was the kind of man who could sniff out unfinished homework from across the room. "It doesn't matter. Because you, miss, are particularly lucky today,"

"Oh?"

"Since you're so eager to spend your time sitting around glaring at books without actually understanding the words, I figured this would benefit you more than anyone, so... you're about to become the library's newest unpaid intern,"

I sputtered out my words-- "What?!"

Mr. Wren shrugged, but he couldn't hide the glee burning in his eyes. I bet he had been waiting for a moment to punish me for being a bad maths student. "Godfrey's got detention. You've got missing credits. Think of it as... killing two birds with one stone,"

No.

There was no way.

"... Godfrey?!"

It wasn't until I glanced around that I saw him. Roman stood with his hands stuffed in his pockets, leaning against a shelf of books a little further away, looking utterly bored, as if he had been summoned here against his will-- the same way he was always summoned everywhere. He barely glanced at me, his gaze fixed on a crack in the floor.

Was this what Roman looked like when he wanted to disappear? It was a satisfactory sight.

Mr. Warrens' eyes flicked between us. "Both of you. Sorting books alphabetically. Now. The restricted section is a mess, so I expect you to be thorough. You'll report back to me when you're done,"

"We have a librarian for that!" I snapped. "Why do we?-- I didn't even do anything, sir, I was just minding my own business here! If Roman's got detention, why am I joining?!--"

"Enough!" With one particularly angry slurp, Mr. Warrens downed his coffee and slammed his mug next to my books. "The librarian can't do everything alone, and I can easily stop giving you the passing grade you most certainly don't deserve!"

I swallowed hard. I needed that fucking grade.

I glanced at Roman again, who still wasn't looking at me-- I couldn't believe that Mr. Warrens was unknowingly sending me into close proximity with a upir, the most dangerous carnivore on the planet. Hopefully, Roman wouldn't get the urge to suck me dry of blood for rejecting his confession of love when the doors closed behind us.

Mr. Warrens saw my rebellion drain from my eyes. Did he catch the fear? "Pack your stuff and come with me,"

My pulse quickened as I put my books in my bag and got up, dragging my feet as I followed Mr. Warrens down the library-- it felt like I was walking to a guillotine, my death. It didn't take long before I heard Roman's long steps behind me, the sound of his expensive shoes echoing through the library. "Cute," he muttered under his breath. "Forced labor."

I had to hold back a snort, and I didn't have to look at Mr. Warrens to sense he was rolling his eyes-- "One more word from you, Godfrey, and I schedule a meeting with your mother to discuss your lack of attendance in my class,"

That was enough to make Roman bite his tongue. He didn't want his mother involved with anything, I remembered that much.

The restricted section was tucked away behind locked doors, where the dim lighting made the room feel smaller. Dust floated in the air, illuminated by the yellowish lamps overhead. Rows of tall shelves loomed, lined with battered, forgotten books-- the kind no one could borrow anymore.

Mr. Warrens gave us both stern looks, dangling the keys in his hands. "Don't steal anything, and be done in an hour or so. Got it?"

Roman snorted as he shoved his hands in his pockets again, scanning the books around us; "Unless the school is storing Playboys here, you can rest assured that nothing will be stolen,"

I grimaced, rolling my eyes. "Ew, Roman,"

I couldn't believe this was our first verbal interaction in weeks.

Mr. Warrens didn't seem very pleased either, but he decided to let it go for now-- he turned around on his heel, and the door clicked shut behind him.

I wished I hadn't argued with Letha. Maybe we would've left together instead and gotten ice cream? Maybe Mr. Warrens would've picked someone else? Why couldn't we have studied at Letha's place, like in the good old days? Everything seemed to be going wrong for me today.

I scoured the shelves, not daring to meet Roman's eyes just yet-- there were mostly books the school had deemed inappropriate after buying them, along with some outdated science books from the nineties. I couldn't imagine how we'd manage to sort all of this in one hour.

However, Roman being Roman, he couldn't stop himself from saying the first thing that came to his mind; "You look good," he purred, scanning me up and down from behind with that usual hungry look in his eyes. "There's no need for Playboys when you're here, that's for sure."

I couldn't anticipate how deeply I blushed. Roman never failed to say something nasty, and it never failed to work on me. It was disgusting how easily he could get to me with the worst of methods, even when I was scared. "Stop that," I mumbled. Finding the courage to face Roman, I slowly turned to him as I prayed to all entities of the galaxy that he wasn't standing over me with his fangs ready for me in the dark.

Alas--

He stood leaned against the nearest shelf, dragging a lazy hand through his hair. His green eyes met mine, neutral, certainly not pouncing on me yet. Roman bit back a smirk, clearly happy to be locked in here with me. "What, are you gonna report me for harassment?"

"I might,"

"Shut up, you like it when I'm nasty,"

I did, but he didn't need to get it confirmed. More than ever, I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face, so I thought I'd hit him where it'd hurt; "What'd you do to deserve this, then?"

Roman blinked. "Which part? You leaving me, or detention?"

Ouch. My heart thudded with pain-- my attempt at hurting him had backfired like Daniel's dad's car. All the times I had promised Roman that I'd never leave him flashed before my eyes-- all the promises, the repeated assurance. It became clear to me that his little act of confidence was just that, an act. My voice was meek when I managed to speak, a mere whisper; "Detention,"

Roman crossed his arms over his chest, tsking. "Existing," His voice was low, bored, but there was something sharp beneath it.

"I see..." I knew that it either involved skipping class or being caught smoking behind the school. Typical Roman behavior, really.

The air felt thick. I couldn't breathe. Not only was I in danger, being alone with a upir like this, but I felt also felt unbelievably guilty.

I dropped my bag on the floor, already reaching for the first book on the shelf, doing anything to keep my hands busy. Waiting for Roman to say something meaningful after he had insisted on talking to me yesterday on the stairs, I remained quiet as I flipped the book open. My fingers trembled against the paper with anticipation, yet-- nothing.

For a while, none of us spoke. The only sounds were the shuffle of pages and the soft thud of books being placed back onto shelves. Every so often, Roman would reach past me, brushing against my shoulder or the curve of my waist; fleeting, accidental touches that made my heart lurch painfully inside my chest with both fear and suppressed excitement.

It felt like some twisted punishment. To be this close to him again, close enough to smell the faint trace of cigarette smoke clinging to his jacket, but not close enough to say any of the things clawing at the back of my throat.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore; "Are you really not going to say anything?"

Roman stopped, holding up a book mid-air. It was at this moment that I caught a glance of my hair ties still hanging around his wrist. "Say what? I feel like I've said enough,"

"You... wanted to say something yesterday,"

"Oh," he mumbled, putting away the book in the correct alphabetical order. "Just wanted to check if you were alright."

"... What?"

"I saw you storming out of the cafeteria the other day. Just wondered if I was the reason,"

The feeling I'd had when I nearly threw a book after Letha a few minutes ago returned, and I caught myself gripping the book I was holding tighter as my body anticipated flinging it at Roman. However, I restrained myself and turned away from him. "Would it satisfy you if I told you that you were?"

Roman didn't miss a beat-- "No,"

For fuck's sake.

"I won't ever be satisfied," he continued. "Not until you wake up and get it in your head that I'm supposed to be with you, and no one else."

My heart was in my throat, and I placed my hand on the shelf in front of me to steady myself. My knees had gone weak, threatening to give up on me. I couldn't breathe. Hearing Roman say that made me dizzy beyond reason-- or was that the dust? I had to get myself together. "Actually, my head has never been clearer than after figuring you out, thank you very much," I snapped. "Flirt with all the cheerleaders in the tri-state area. Do whatever you want, Roman. At least I know I won't have to see any of it after we graduate next summer."

His expression remained unreadable up until my last sentence, as something flickered behind his eyes, dark and wounded. "You think I like this?"

My hands stilled around the book I was holding. "I think you're trying to hurt me," I whispered.

Roman stepped forward, just a fraction-- it made me turn around to face him. Standing with my back to him didn't feel very safe. Roman got close enough that I could feel the ghost of his breath on my temple. His fingers brushed against the shelf beside my head, trapping me in place without touching me; "Yeah?" His voice was quieter now, almost dangerous. "Is it working?"

My whole body was close to trembling, torn between wanting to slap him across the face and wanting him to kiss me. It was giving me the biggest deja vu to seven minutes in heaven all those months ago-- the dim lights, the close proximity, the danger of the situation.

It was sick, how badly I missed it all.

Roman's eyes flicked down to my mouth. "Speak,"

Fuck. "No,"

"Liar,"

"Me?!"

"Who else?"

I gasped; "So I'm the liar? Says the secret upir!"

Roman reacted like I had pressed hot iron to his skin. With a knee-jerk reaction, he turned away, running his tongue along the inside of his cheek like he'd caught himself making a mistake. He picked up another book, pretending like nothing had happened.

Now that his back was turned to me, I pressed the palm of my hand to my face-- that was too harsh, wasn't it? A meek sorry slipped past my lips before I could stop it. Why was I apologizing?

"Let's just get this over with," Roman mumbled, flickering through the book that had caught his fake interest.

Seeing him like this made me want to walk up to him and give him a hug from behind. I hadn't done enough of those when I'd had the chance. There were many things I should've done when I still had him-- I couldn't believe I wasn't going to get the opportunity to kiss the beautiful tip of his nose anymore.

The more I dwelled on the past, the more it hit me that Roman was still a person despite the fact that he was also a upir. He had laid his heart out to me that night those two weeks ago, so maybe it was fair to show him that I was hurting as well?

God, how I wanted him to be okay.

Which is exactly why I allowed myself to pose the question; "Are you really sleeping with them?" The words slipped out before I could stop them, soft and fragile.

Roman froze halfway through reaching for another book. His knuckles went white around the spine. For a long moment, he didn't look at me. "What?"

My stomach twisted; "The cheerleaders. The girls you've been... flirting with. Are you sleeping with them?"

He was still for so long that I thought he might not answer at all. Then, slowly, he set the book down on the shelf, deliberate, controlled, before turning to face me. "Why do you care?"

My breath caught in my chest-- what a stupid question.

Imagining Roman having sex with any of those girls made me sick, that's why I cared. Thinking about him kissing them like he used to kiss me, touching them like he used to touch me, made me want to slam my head into the bookshelves around us to crack my skull open. How would he talk to them? Would he call them sweet names, like he used to call me? Would he groan into the crook of their necks as he came, would he talk them through it when they did as well?

I needed to shut my mind off before I threw up.

Roman's mouth curved when I didn't answer, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Right..." He nodded to himself, letting it sink in that I cared, that I saw. The tension in the room stretched thin, vibrating between us like a live wire. "I'm not sleeping with them," he eventually said. "If that helps you sleep at night."

I wanted to call Letha and yell at her that I was right, that he wouldn't go so far to prove his point. Not when our breakup was this fresh, anyway. "Thanks," I mumbled.

Roman insisted on the subject; "Maybe I should, though? Maybe that would make you come back running?"

I was two seconds from buckling over and barfing all over the outdated science books. "You're an ass,"

"Are you surprised?"

"Nope," I huffed. "Just wondering whether you'd actually be able to."

"Able to...?"

With a tiny smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned my back against the shelf. Like this, I could size Roman up properly, and I felt I had some sort of defence with my attack; "Y'know, like... get it up, and all,"

Roman snorted, visibly offended. "What the fuck are you on about?"

"I don't know, Rome, like you'd ever want to fuck anyone else after having been with me?"

Hearing his old nickname, he froze, his green eyes widening as the initial shock seeped out of his lungs. "That's not how dicks work," he mumbled. "If there's a possibility to have sex, it will be ready, believe me."

I scanned him. Properly. All from the way he was breathing, from the way his eye twitched with retained frustration. Roman was two seconds from cracking, and I knew it. He was lying. "Okay, discarding my seemingly limited knowledge of how dicks function, would your conscious be okay with it?"

Roman needed a minute to let his brain churn through the question, weighing all possible answers. While thinking, his eyes scoured the room, moving on autopilot as he held his breath-- it didn't take long for him to find an outdated book on anatomy, and he held it out for me to take.

I snorted. "Funny," I mumbled, accepting the book. "Answer the question, Roman."

"No,"

"No?" I watched as he walked away from me again and started trying to organize. "Don't be like that, just answer the fucking!--"

"No, I wouldn't be okay with it,"

Silence.

Roman let out a sigh as he leaned his forehead against a shelf, shutting his eyes as he tried to steady his breathing. "I still love you, whether I want to or not. There's nothing I can do but wait for it to go away, so until then, I think it'd kill me,"

... Oh.

I couldn't feel my fingers. It felt like my heart had sunk into my diaphragm, beating low in my stomach. There was nothing I could do when my eyes welled with tears except press the anatomy book to my chest, hoping to relieve the pain. For a second, I forgot that I was afraid. When the second stretched to many more, I even forgot that Roman was a upir.

For about a minute, Roman was simply the man I had fallen in love with.

"Rome?"

He didn't turn his head to me, not fully, but I could see the bitter tears forming in the corner of his eye.

"Rome, do you... can you hear my heart?"

I knew he could. I knew his upir senses allowed him to hear it clear as day.

And Roman nodded, so faintly I could barely see it. "I can hear that you're scared, if that's why you're asking," he mumbled. "I'm not stupid."

I swallowed hard. I shouldn't be initiating this conversation. Letha said it was dangerous, the book said it was dangerous, my mind was screaming at me to stop-- but my heart... my heart bled for him. "That's not fear,"

With slow moves, Roman turned his head to properly look at me. He saw the way I pressed my back up against the shelf behind me, how I clutched the anatomy book like it would protect me from my feelings.

"Whatever you feel for me, Rome, I can assure you... I feel it for you a million times more,"

It was the truth, nothing more.

"I don't think we're soulmates. I don't believe that meeting you was some sort of divine intervention, because then you wouldn't be what you are. But I can be certain that this wasn't pure chance either, because... I willed this. Ever since I first saw you, I felt ready to go through whatever I needed to do to get to you,"

Roman's lips parted, his pupils dilating as his green eyes rounded out.

"I love you," I breathed. "And I should've said it that night, because I've always loved you. I love you with every bit of conscience I was born with. I love you, Roman."

Finally.

I exhaled.

My shoulders sank with the weight that was relieved off my soul.

Finally, he knew. Finally, I had said it.

There was a quiet gasp, a sharp inhale, followed by a silent tear rolling down Roman's cheek. His lower lip quivered as he spoke in a whisper; "Then what the hell are we doing?"

That was not the response I had expected-- not that I had thought this through, of course, but that was certainly not it. Seeing him upset like this reminded me of the night of our breakup, and it made me freeze in my spot. Had we not suffered enough?

"If you love me, and I love you, aren't we... supposed to be together? Isn't that how this works?"

"Not always," I breathed, slowly turning to put away the anatomy book I had been clutching. "There are millions of stories of people who love each other but can't be together... Look around."

Roman smeared his tears into his skin. "I don't want to be one of those stories,"

"We were never supposed to happen in the first place," I mumbled. "Maybe if we stop fighting the fact that we should be apart--"

"But I don't want to be apart from you," It seemed to be dawning on Roman how serious this conversation was, how final it felt. "And if you love me as you say you do, shouldn't you want to be with me?"

"It's not that easy!--"

"So, what then? You're saying you don't want to be with me because it's not easy? You love me, but you give up?" Roman's fists clenched and unclenched as he tried to remain calm, yet his efforts didn't pay off. His words came out with his next exhale, relenting to the pain of his confusion; "Why can't we just be together?"

I swallowed hard. "You know why, Roman,"

"No, I don't," Roman stepped closer, too close, his breath falling hot against my cheek. "I don't-- I don't fucking get it anymore."

This confrontation felt like a punch to the chest.

"You say you love me," His voice was low, pleading. "Not even my own fucking mother loves me, so I know that love is a heavy thing, and I know that you can't just--" He broke off, dragging a hand through his hair. "You can't just turn that off!"

My heart was trying to twist itself out from between my ribs as I looked up into Roman's big, green eyes. "I know," I breathed. "I can't turn it off. Believe me, I've tried."

"I've tried too," Roman whispered, inching closer. "But at the end of the day, I only want you."

My throat closed up. He seemed so sincere, so utterly desperate-- I kept wiggling my fingers to make sure they weren't tingling, that he wasn't using his powers on me, because I felt more and more overcome by the emotions I had been suppressing these past few weeks. "Even after flirting with all those cheerleaders?" I breathed, giving in to a pout.

Roman's gaze narrowed with a look of come on as he placed his hand on the bookshelf behind me, locking me in again. Instinctively, I pressed my back against the shelf, swallowing over and over-- how had I let him get so close? "You're not who I thought you were," I whispered.

Roman flinched, his jaw tightened, yet he didn't back off. "I'm still me,"

"You're barely human,"

"I'm still me," His voice broke open, hoarse. "I'm still the same guy who kissed you in a shitty closet during seven minutes in heaven."

God, that was a hundred years ago. My heart cracked straight down the middle-- I could still feel that night like it was stitched under my skin. "But you're not safe," My voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm not safe with you around."

Roman sighed, his lashes falling heavy over his eyes; "With that logic, you were never safe in the first place. But when have I ever put you in danger? When have I ever harmed you? I kicked a fucking car away from you, and mind you, it was coming at you at about a hundred kilometers an hour! If I'm willing to do that, you have to understand that I would never hurt you!"

My chest heaved. This was too much.

"Don't listen to Letha," he pleaded. "I'm not even a full upir yet, I'm less dangerous than a fucking hippo!"

Wait.

... What?

He wasn't... a full upir?

It felt like I had been sucker-punched in the stomach. My eyes sprung wide open, staring at Roman and his exasperated expression-- it quickly fell apart as he scanned his mind with a grimace, his gaze turning to the ceiling as he pondered how to rephrase it. "Actually, hippos are really fucking dangerous, aren't they?" he mumbled mostly to himself. "I don't know, okay, who's like... moderate on the scale?"

I couldn't breathe. "Roman--"

"What about those small hippos? The ones that only bite people's knees and stuff?--"

"Roman, you're not a full upir?!"

He stopped his rambling, adjusting his stance as he scanned my face. He blinked. Once, twice. "No...?" His words were slow, trying, as he tested the waters. "Letha didn't tell you that?"

"Letha has nothing to do with this!" I lied, trying to catch my breath.

"Letha has everything to do with this," Roman grumbled. "I'm not fucking stupid. You were wearing her clothes that night, and you smelled like her incense for rich schizos! If you think you're not being manipulated here, think again!"

"Letha is my best friend!" I choked out. "She is trying to keep me safe!--"

"From what?!" Roman huffed, raising his voice as his frustrations rose. "From me? I don't even have venom!"

My heart stopped. It was true.

If Roman hadn't died before, he couldn't be venomous.

If Roman hadn't died before, his urges were mostly dormant.

If Roman hadn't died before, he... wasn't really a proper upir.

Yet.

This changed everything.

My lips parted in shock as I looked away from him, my chest rising and falling with every shaky breath. It didn't help anything when the dizziness kicked in. "I feel like I'm going to faint," I mumbled, changing my weight from one foot to another.

"You're not," Roman adjusted the hand he had on the shelf behind me, getting ready to catch me if I were to crumble to the floor. "Not to freak you out, but I would've sensed your blood pressure dropping."

"I know," I breathed. "I remember that from the car crash."

"Ah," Roman kept trying to read me, kept trying to understand what had just happened in my mind. "Look, why do I have a feeling that... this changes things?"

"What does?"

"That I'm not... that thing, fully,"

I swallowed hard, daring to meet his green eyes-- they were so heartbreakingly full of hope. "I still can't trust you,"

Roman dared to lean down further, the tip of his nose nearly touching mine. "Then let me prove to you that you can," he whispered against my lips. "Let me show you that I have control."

"But--"

"Let me," he begged. "Please."

I couldn't breathe, not when he was this close. Suddenly, it felt like my whole body was on fire, just like it had been before.

Roman's chest was heaving.

He was so, so close.

I knew I was putting my life on the line for this, but... it felt worth it.

Roman's breath fanned across my lips, his presence overwhelming. The weight of his promise lingered between us, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I wasn't sure if I was fighting against him or surrendering entirely.

I barely had a second to consider before his lips brushed against my neck, featherlight, barely there-- it was enough to set every nerve in my body alight. I sucked in a sharp breath, fingers clutching at the bookshelf behind me as if it were the only thing keeping me grounded. The heat of his mouth lingered, sending a shiver down my spine, but the sharp sting of fangs never came. He stayed, lips parted against my skin, just breathing me in.

I didn't realize my hands had let go of the shelf until I felt them against his chest, my fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. I could feel his heartbeat against my palm-- steady, real. For all his inhuman traits, for all my fear and hesitation, he was still a boy standing in front of me, waiting for me to believe in him. My boy.

"See?" he murmured, his lips still hovering over my pulse point. "There is nothing to be scared of."

I was trembling, but not from fear anymore. The realization hit me all at once-- I had missed this, missed him. Before I could think better of it, my hands slid up, over his shoulders, around the back of his neck. His hair was soft beneath my fingertips, and when I tugged, just slightly, his breath hitched.

That was all it took-- he knew what I wanted.

Roman's lips met mine with a desperation that burned through every hesitation I'd tried to hold onto. There was no doubting, no second-guessing-- it was raw, breathless, words of longing condensed into the way his mouth moved against mine, how his hands found my waist and pulled me flush against him. He kissed me like he was trying to prove something, like he was trying to rewrite everything that had happened between us, like nothing had ever happened at all.

I moaned against Roman's lips, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, tilting his head to claim more of me. My legs felt weak, my was head spinning, but I didn't stop; I couldn't. My fingers tangled in his hair, his name slipping from my lips between kisses, and I felt him groan in response-- a low, needy sound that sent a thrill down my spine.

Then, the tension snapped like a live wire. One moment, I was standing, and the next, gravity had me. But it wasn't clumsy, wasn't an accident, it was something deeper, something inevitable-- the bookshelves groaned under our weight as we slid down, slow and spiralling, our descent fuelled by tangled fingers, desire, and unspoken longing. The world outside the restricted section ceased to exist, and Roman's hands were everywhere, threading through my hair, gripping my waist, pulling me closer with desperation.

By the time we hit the floor, breathless and entwined, the air between us was electric, charged with something neither of us could name. Roman hovered over me, eyes dark, lips swollen, his thumb brushing over the curve of my cheek.

"Fuck," I cursed, shivering-- I was losing control, spiralling with every sweet touch. What was I doing? What was I thinking? I shouldn't be doing this. Roman was still a upir, full or not. My mind went haywire with conflicting thoughts as he leaned down to kiss me again, and I bunched the fabric of his shirt between my fingers.

Roman groaned against my lips, like he could feel me slipping and wouldn't allow it. His hands tightened, fingers splaying against my waist, dragging me closer until there was no room to think, only to feel.

"I love you," he murmured, breath warm against my skin as his lips traced the edge of my jaw, down the curve of my throat. His voice was lower now, almost coaxing, like he knew exactly what was holding me back, and he was determined to make me forget.

I should've stopped this. I should've pushed him away. But when his teeth grazed my pulse, a sharp gasp escaped me, my body arching before I could think it through properly. My grip on his shirt tightened, nails digging into him as if he were the only thing keeping me tethered to the earth.

"Tell me to stop," Roman whispered, lips hovering over the hollow of my throat, his breath shaky, uneven. His restraint was a fragile thing-- I could feel it in the way his fingers flexed against my skin, the way his whole breath trembled with need.

I opened my mouth, ready to say it, ready to end this before it spiralled further...

But those words never came.

Instead--

"Don't," I whispered. "Don't stop."

I dragged him back to me, crashing my lips against his like he was the only thing in the world that could keep me breathing.

Roman groaned into the kiss, a sound so raw it sent a bolt of heat down my spine. "You drive me insane," he rasped, and before I could think, before I could remember why I was supposed to stop, his hands were sliding beneath my shirt, fingertips burning against my skin.

And I let him.

I let him wry my shirt off.

I let him drag my pants off.

I let him kiss my thighs, let him press a kiss to my clit through my underwear, let him kiss his way back up my stomach, and to top it off-- I was quite sure I ripped a button off his shirt to get it off of him.

Fuck. Had I lost my mind?

"I'm so screwed," I mumbled, clutching onto Roman's hair as he sucked a hickey into the skin of my shoulder. "I have no control when it comes to you." Closing my eyes, I relished in the fact that there'd at least be a mark left behind from this like a reward-- I'd have remnants of Roman on my shoulder for at least a week, if this was the last time we ever did this. It couldn't be. Could it?

Would I never feel Roman like this again? It made my heart ache as I tugged his hair harder, like it would make us stay in this moment forever.

Roman hummed against my skin before he raised himself, hovering above me. His lids were heavy over his green eyes, darkened with lust-- but in the midst of the want, there was love, shining down on me with the clearest ray of sun. "I'll lend you some of mine then," he murmured, before getting off of me.

What?

What was happening right now?

I laid on the floor, my brows drawing together in confusion as my eyes followed him-- what was he doing, lying down next to me?

It wasn't until Roman smiled at me, the first genuine one in a while, that I got an inkling of what he was thinking. "Sit," he said.

... Sit?

Now I was unsure again.

I scrambled to my knees, wondering what on earth he was planning to do. "Rome, what are you?-- Ah!"

Roman wasted no time hooking his strong arm around my leg, dragging me towards him like I weighed nothing as I yelped. With a quick manoeuvre, I was somehow straddling his chest as my cheeks burned. "Giving you control," he murmured, now pulling me towards his face.

... Oh God.

"Sit,"

My hand shot to the bookshelf, keeping myself steady as Roman's darkened eyes urged me to use him, to do whatever I wanted to him, while he slowly pulled my underwear to the side. "Ro-- Roman, I--"

All the air in my body caught in my throat as he leaned forward off the floor, dragging me down with him as he covered my mound with his mouth, sucking me in. My legs gave in to a tremble, letting out a broken moan as I instinctively let go of the edge of the shelf-- this couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening.

But when Roman sucked down on my clit with the gentlest of pressures, just how he knew I liked it, I knew I wasn't imagining it.

For the love of all things holy, I hoped Mr. Warrens wouldn't walk in on me like this, straddling Roman's face. He'd fail us both, and possibly get us expelled-- a big part of me wanted to just disappear and die, but the other only wanted more.

I had no idea what came over me when I grabbed Roman's hair to anchor myself and rolled my hips into his face. It felt rough, too commanding, too much like I was taking advantage, all until he let out a happy hum; this is what he had wanted, for me to feel in control.

It felt too good to stop, and it only made me tug his hair harder-- he seemed to like that, as usual. Waves of pleasure coursed through my body as Roman swirled his tongue around my clit, only to later seal his lips around it, moaning, sending vibrations all throughout my system. It became too much to bear when I felt closer and closer to the edge a little too soon, and I let out a squeak of clear overstimulation before I raised myself from his mouth, letting my quivering thighs bring me back to the floor again.

I tried to catch my breath as I stared back at Roman in disbelief, where he lay on the floor with parted lips and a satisfied look on his face. He slowly turned to me, my slick glistening around his mouth; "Still scared?" he purred.

Yes.

Yes, yes, absolutely yes.

"It seems like you're the one struggling with control," he continued, not bothering to wipe the victorious smirk off his face. "You can't stay away from me, can you?"

I swallowed hard. My body felt like it was on fire, my mind screaming at me to stop, to run, but I couldn't move.

Roman propped himself up on his elbows, his gaze heavy-lidded with satisfaction; "No matter what you tell yourself, you'll always come back to me. That's what you're really scared of, isn't it?"

"No!" I breathed, shaking my head. "That's not-- not true!--"

"Isn't it?" Roman tilted his head, watching me like a predator that had already caught its prey. His smirk didn't fade, but something in his expression darkened, sharpened, like my denial had cracked through his amusement. "You don't sound convinced."

He sat up slowly, moving with an unbearable grace as he reached for me-- not roughly, not desperately, but deliberately, fingers tracing over the inside of my knee before drifting up, light as a whisper.

Roman watched my every move with precision as he dragged the tip of his thumb across my bare skin. "You're nervous," he observed. "But not because you're afraid..." His smirk deepened as I tensed under his touch. "I can feel you, y'know. Hear you. Your heart doesn't lie."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I couldn't speak.

Roman leaned in closer, slow and unhurried, his lips ghosting over my ear as he exhaled a warm breath.

"You can fight it all you want," he continued, his voice like silk laced with something richer, something darker. "Tell yourself whatever you need to, but we both know the truth, don't we?"

Roman's hand drifted higher, his fingers brushing over the fabric of my underwear-- he wanted them off.

"You'll always be mine,"

Goosebumps appeared across my skin, my body betraying me once more. How was it possible to fear someone so much, but to want them even more? Why couldn't I pull myself together?

I didn't have time to think about it; with a swift, fluid motion, he lunged forward and had me on my back. My breath hitched as the floor was suddenly beneath me, Roman above me, caging me in. His hand splayed over my hip, holding me down, his body pressed flush against mine.

Then, when he kissed me, it wasn't soft. It wasn't gentle. It was a claim, fierce and unrelenting, his mouth crashing against mine as if he was starving for me. Heat surged between us, my fingers tangling in his hair before I could even think. There was no space, no hesitation, no room for anything except the sharp, dizzying pull of him dragging me under.

Roman kissed me like he wanted to consume me, his lips hot and desperate; his sharp teeth grazed my lower lip, making my whole body jolt. His fingers dug into my hip, keeping me flush against him, his other hand fisting into my hair to tilt my head back, deepening the kiss until I couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

I should've stopped him.

I could've stopped him.

But I didn't.

Instead, I arched into him, my nails dragging over his bare skin as I let him press me harder into the floor. Roman groaned into my mouth, the sound vibrating through my body, and it sent something wild through me-- something I couldn't control, something that made me wrap my legs around his waist without thinking.

That was all it took.

Roman cursed under his breath, his hand sliding down my thigh, gripping tight as he ground against me, slow and deliberate, making sure I felt all of him. His breath was ragged, his control slipping, and the worst part was how it wholeheartedly thrilled me.

"I need to have you," he rasped, his lips dragging down my jaw, my throat. "I need you."

My pulse pounded in my ears, my body burning everywhere he touched. I wanted to deny it. I wanted to tell him he was wrong. But when his teeth grazed my neck, a gasp tore from my lips, and I knew I was completely, utterly lost. "Here?" I breathed.

Roman smirked against my skin, his breath hot as he traced the faint mark his teeth had left with the tip of his tongue. "Here," he said-- "Now."

I shivered beneath him, every nerve in my body betraying me, bending to his touch, to his voice, to him. I hated it. I craved it.

Roman's hips rolled against mine, slow, torturous, and every time the outline of his hard cock lined up with my clothed clit, I arched into him without thinking. He let out a low, satisfied hum, dragging his nose up the side of my neck before pressing his lips to my ear.

"See?" he murmured, his voice thick with triumph. "You need me too."

I did. I did.

When his mouth slanted over mine again, hot and demanding, I kissed him back just as hard, My fingers twisted into his hair, body surging against him, desperate and reckless and lost. Roman groaned against my lips, his hands tightening around my waist as he dragged me closer, as if even the press of our bodies wasn't enough; it would never be enough.

"Do you--" I could barely speak, nor pull away. "Do you-- Condom?"

Roman's heavy breath fell against my mouth, pressing his clothed cock against my clit harder, watching me whimper. "Nope," he said. "But we're still gonna fuck."

Christ.

This was the stupidest idea ever.

But the more I looked into Roman's eyes, the more I realized he was searching mine for a sign of permission, waiting for a green light despite his confident rouse. I gave in to my desire; "You might want to get my underwear off, then," I mumbled, biting down on my lower lip to stop it from quivering-- my adrenaline was shot.

With a proud huff, Roman gave my cheek a quick kiss, a sweet one, before he propped himself up on his knees, hooking his fingers around my underwear. "Up," he ordered, and I submitted to his command with no further thought. Lifting my hips, I let Roman pull my underwear down my legs, and just as I thought he was about to throw them away, he... tucked them into the front pocket of his jeans?

"Hey!" I whined. "I need those, I'm wearing pants today!--"

"Don't care,"

And suddenly, Roman leaned forward, grabbing my chin to keep my eyes focused on him with a firm hold. His thumb brushed over my bottom lip, his grip firm but not unkind, and his smirk deepened as he tilted my chin up, making sure I had nowhere to look but at him. "You don't need them right now, do you?"

I swallowed hard, shaking my head.

Roman held back a laugh before he shifted back, his eyes dropping between my legs. The hunger in his gaze made my stomach flip. He spread my thighs wider, running his fingers up the inside of one, slow, teasing, until his knuckles brushed against my sex.

"God," he breathed, slipping his fingers through the slick heat between my legs. He pulled back just enough to watch my face as he dragged them over my clit, rubbing lazy circles that made my legs tremble. "You're fucking soaked."

Why was he surprised? Roman had literally manhandled me to sit on his face three minutes ago. I clenched my jaw, refusing to give him the satisfaction. "Shut up," I mumbled, but my voice wavered when his fingers pressed against me firmer.

Roman only grinned as heat flushed through me-- I tried to turn my head away, but his grip on my chin tightened. "Nuh-uh," he murmured, voice thick with amusement. "Oh, don't go shy on me now."

Fuck it.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him down into a kiss, rough and impatient. Roman groaned against my lips, pressing his fingers inside me in one smooth motion-- I gasped, my body arching into him as he curled them just right, sending sparks up my spine. I was so screwed.

"That's it," he breathed, kissing down my jaw, my throat, my collarbone. He dipped his fingers deeper, filling me at a sweet pace. I let out a choked gasp, my body betraying me, hips lifting to chase more friction.

Roman groaned, his forehead falling against mine, but his smug grin never wavered.

"Fuck, you're gripping me so tight, baby," He curled his fingers, hitting that spot that nearly made me see white-- the spot I never managed to reach on my own. "Like you're scared I'll leave, or..." His breath ghosted over my lips; "Like you're scared you'll never get this again."

I whimpered, fingers tightening in his hair.

"That's it, isn't it?" His voice was almost sweet. "You think I'm some monster, but here you are... Letting me have you anyway." Roman's grin softened, and he would've almost seemed affectionate if it weren't for the sharp, possessive glint in his eyes. "Because you love me."

I jerked, but he caught my chin again, keeping my gaze locked in his; "Say it,"

I shook my head. Deny, deny, deny. Was I really gonna give it to him this easy?

"Say it," he repeated, the demand a breath away from my lips.

My chest heaved. I wanted to fight it, but I was drowning in Roman, in the way he touched me, in the way he knew--

"I love you," I choked out, moving my hips to meet his fingers. It felt too good. I couldn't think. I couldn't function. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't.

Roman's cocky smirk faltered. He watched me give in, watched me crumble, and just for a second, he almost looked relieved that it was real, that it wasn't something he had made up. But then it came back, slow and satisfied, like he had just won. "Yeah, you do," he purred, letting go of my chin. Roman yanked his belt open, shoved his jeans down just enough; "And you're gonna let me fuck you, even though you're scared of what I am." He ran the tip of his cock through my slick folds, teasing, dragging out my torment. "Because you love me too much to stop yourself, don't you?"

I bit down on my lip, eyes squeezing shut-- was this really happening? Was I about to get fucked on the library floor by the one person I had told myself to avoid? My every breath felt painful, yet satisfactory. Fucking masochist.

"Look at me," Roman ordered, voice low with want.

I forced my gaze up, and he looked like he melted at the sight of me-- wrecked, desperate, completely his, like I would always be. "Fuck," Roman groaned, his fingers tightening against my thigh. "Look at you." He reached down to tap the tip of his cock on my clit, making me squirm beneath him with a broken moan. His smirk was positively sinful; "You're shaking, baby."

Of course I was. Asshole. Every nerve in my body was burning with need, with anticipation, with the unbearable weight of Roman's unrelenting teasing.

"So needy," he murmured, almost like he was in awe. "You keep telling yourself this is wrong, but look at where you are..." He gave a shallow thrust, barely pressing inside before pulling back, a cruel little preview that had me gasping; "Letting the big, bad upir fuck you in the back of the library, hm?"

I whimpered, fingers clawing at his arms. I had lost. I had lost.

Roman hummed, pleased with my reaction. "Yeah... that's what I thought," He rocked forward again, just enough for the head to push inside, stretching me open. "You keep fighting me, keep pushing me away, but when I've got you like this? When I'm about to fuck you stupid?" He leaned in, his breath hot against my ear; "You let me do whatever I want."

I moaned, humiliated by how true it was. I should have ran from him, should have stayed away, but here I was, legs spread for him, letting him win once again.

Roman chuckled, the sound low and indulgent. His hand dragged down my stomach, fingers pressing lightly against the bulge of his cock just barely inside me. "Feel that?" He pushed in another inch, making me gasp. "That's not even half of me, baby. You're already losing it."

I grabbed at his shoulders, desperate; "Roman--"

"What?" he taunted, dragging out every syllable. He eased out completely, making me whimper at the loss, before pressing back in achingly slow. "You want more?"

I nodded frantically, arching against him.

Roman groaned, eyes darkening. "Yeah? You want me to fill you up, baby? I have a feeling you missed me," His cock pulsed against my entrance, teasing, teasing, teasing--

I was about to break. "Please," I begged. "If we're gonna fuck, let's-- do it properly."

His smirk widened; "Properly?"

I knew I had messed up by the sound of his words.

Roman held back a mocking laugh-- I could feel it.

"Fine,"

Then, without warning, Roman's fingers dug into my hips as he pulled me further onto him, filling me to the brim. I cried out, my back arching clean off the floor, my entire body tightening around him. Panicked, I grabbed his hands, trying to find some comfort.

And comfort, I got. Roman groaned, dropping his forehead against mine, and it allowed me to wrap my arms around him instead. "Shit--" He stayed still for a second, like he was savoring the feeling of my embrace. His breath was ragged, his cock twitching inside me.

Then he pulled out halfway and pushed into me again, harder this time, knocking the air from my lungs. "That's it," he muttered, setting a slow, deep rhythm that had me seeing stars. His lips found my throat, sucking a mark against my skin, branding me over and over. "Still scared of me?" he panted, dragging his teeth over my pulse.

I was. I was terrified--

But not of this.

Not of him inside me, of the way he stretched me open, of how good he made me feel. Instead, I was scared of how badly I needed him, how even now, knowing what he was, I couldn't pull away. "I just want you," I whispered.

Roman already knew. He always did.

I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, could only take what he gave me. Deep, slow, dragging thrusts that had me clenching around him, struggling to hold back the cries of pleasure threatening to escape. His hand clamped over my mouth as he rocked into me harder, faster, the slap of skin against skin echoing through the restricted room of the library.

"God, you really are fucking mine, aren't you?" Roman's voice was thick with something twisted, sinisterly happy. His hand tightened over my mouth, keeping me quiet as he thrust deep, his cock dragging against every sensitive part of me. "You should be running from me... you should hate me."

A broken sound tore from my throat, muffled by his palm-- something told me he hated himself more than I could ever hate him.

"But instead--" His pace slowed, teasing me, fucking me so deep I could barely breathe. "You're letting a goddamn upir fuck you."

I shuddered violently, my nails raking down his back.

Roman's free hand trailed down my side, slow, possessive. Then he pressed his palm flat against my stomach, feeling himself inside me. "I'm not so dangerous right now, hm?" His voice was almost mocking. "Never was, never will be."

Maybe he had a point? Or maybe I was just too horny to function. Something must be wrong with my brain to risk my life for one more quick fuck.

Roman smirked against my skin, listening to the sound of my muffled moans against the palm of his hands. "You love me so much, you'll let me do whatever I want to you," He pulled out almost all the way, making me whimper, before snapping his cock back inside me, and I cried out against his hand. "You can't even help yourself, can you?"

I was falling apart. Why was he so spot on?

His hand loosened over my mouth just enough for me to gasp; "Roman--"

"Shh," he hushed me, his nose brushing against mine. "We have to be quiet, remember?" As if to mock me, he thrust harder, making me bite my lip to swallow my cry. "Wouldn't want to risk getting caught, would you?"

Tears pricked my eyes. "No," I breathed.

"Mmm," he hummed in approval, smug. "There you go, someone's learning... Good girl." Like a reward for my compliance, Roman propped himself up on his knees, guiding my legs over his thighs-- his hand slipped between us, thumb finding my clit, rubbing slow, lazy circles that contrasted the harsh pace of his thrusts.

I gasped, the pleasure building so fast it was unbearable. "Shit, shit--"

"Shh, I got you," he cooed, voice dripping with amusement. "Just let me take care of you, yeah?"

My body trembled, and my vision started going hazy as Roman continued circling my clit with the nicest of pressures, making my toes curl. It didn't matter that every moment felt stolen, like we had borrowed it from the universe and needed to give it back yesterday, nothing mattered-- only this.

I forced myself to breathe, to melt into the feel of him, and when I shifted my hips, taking him deeper, Roman let out the filthiest groan; "That's it," he purred, pulling back just enough to thrust forward again, pushing all the way in until I was full, stretched to the limit. "God, you feel so fucking good--"

I could only whimper, clenching around his cock; "Fuck, Ro-- Rome," My back arched off the floor as I tried my best to fight the incoming wave. How was I supposed to let this end, how was I supposed to let him go? I didn't want this to end, didn't want him to stop; "I don't-- I can't--"

"Yes, you can," Roman cooed, his thumb continuously rubbing steady circles around my clit. "Gonna come for me?"

All my words of protest became one mumble of sounds-- my hand shot down to grab his wrist in an attempt to stop him, yet it simply laid over his hand. I couldn't halt it, not when it felt this good, not when I knew this had to be the last time I felt his hands on me.

There was no way for me to delay it anymore, not when Roman's green eyes locked with mine. His smirk was razor-sharp, knowing, as if he could see every thought unraveling in my head. "That's it," he murmured, voice thick with satisfaction. "Let me feel how much you love this... how much you love me."

I whimpered, my whole body tightening, teetering on the edge. Roman's hand on my clit was relentless, coaxing me toward oblivion, and I couldn't hold back anymore when he said the cursed words of the day; "I love you... so, so much,"

My breath hitched, and then I shattered, pleasure crashing through me in waves so intense I thought I might break apart completely.

Roman groaned, his grip on my hips tightening as I clenched around him, dragging him with me. His thrusts turned erratic, desperate, until he buried himself to the hilt with a deep, shuddering gasp. His forehead dropped against mine, breath hot and ragged as he spilled inside me, his entire body trembling from the force of it.

For a moment, there was only silence, except for the sound of our heavy breathing. Roman's hand remained on my stomach, possessive, like he was holding the moment in place, refusing to let it slip away just yet.

... Fuck.

How had I let this happen? How could I have done this? Drained, my lips parted as I stared up at the ceiling with a dead look in my eyes. I was so, so deeply screwed-- for real.

Somehow, I found the strength to embrace Roman, feeling how warm he was against me. I wanted to kiss his cheek, say something sweet, tell him he did good as well, but I couldn't. I listened as he let out a slow sigh, hiding his face in the crook of my neck. His cock was still buried deep inside me, twitching as he pulsed with the aftershocks of his release, and I could feel it-- the way he was still savoring this, still revelling in the fact that he'd won.

Reality hit me all over, like a slap to the face. I had just let him do this. And on top of everything, that fucker came inside of me.

Panic clawed up my throat, and Roman felt the shift immediately. He pulled back slightly, eyes searching mine, his smirk already creeping back. "Running again?" His voice was softer now, but the smug amusement was impossible to miss.

"This was a mistake," I whispered.

Roman's smile flickered, just for a second. It was long enough for me to see the crack, the flash of something raw beneath it, but then it was gone, buried under something colder. "A mistake," he echoed, his tone flat. His fingers twitched against my stomach, pressing down slightly like he was reminding me, reminding both of us, that what we had just done was very real, very irreversible.

Then, he scoffed, shaking his head. "Right... Of course,"

Roman tilted his head, considering me. Then, with agonizing slowness, he pulled out, and I gasped at the loss, my entire body left throbbing and sore. He watched me, his eyes dark with satisfaction, as if he was committing to the sight of what he'd done to me, how I had trembled beneath him, completely ruined.

Then, with a wicked smirk, he brought his fingers to my core, pressing against the mess he'd left inside of me like he was trying to push it deeper-- I whimpered, grabbing at his hands to stop him, yet he wafted my hands away with precision.

"Messy, messy girl," he cooed, shaking his head, pretending to be disappointed. "You even let me cum inside..." His grin widened, sharp as a blade; "Think you'll ever be clean of me again?"

I shivered violently.

Never.

Roman exhaled, watching me with a look I couldn't place; it was somewhere between pride and something deeply possessive. He continued to slowly pump his fingers into me like he wanted me to feel just how deep he had gotten, how much of himself he had forced into me. "You're really gonna lie there, all fucked out and dripping with me, and say it was a mistake?" Roman let out a breathy laugh, but there was no humor in it. "That's cute."

I swallowed hard, but my throat was too tight to speak. I should've run when I had the chance. Now, I could only whimper, torn between shame and unbearable pleasure.

Roman's smirk was gone now. Whatever amusement he had left was fading fast, replaced by the hurt beneath the tough act. His jaw ticked, and for a moment, he just stared at me, his expression unreadable; "Say something," His fingers curled inside me, pushing, teasing, coaxing me back to the edge. He was trying to drown out my thoughts, make me forget.

Fuck. "This was a mistake," I echoed, speaking the truth brewing in my chest. "Wait, don't-- Wait--" My hands tried to reach for his once again, to get his fingers out of me, but to no avail.

Frustrated, Roman's free hand shot out, gripping my jaw-- not rough enough to bruise, but firm enough to hold me there, to force my eyes to his. It immediately made my heart jump with fright; his pupils were blown wide, his irises burning with frustration. "Are we really going back to me flirting with the cheerleaders and you staring from across the hall?" he hissed. "We can't. You can't. You love me."

My eyes welled with tears, and my hands gripped the arm Roman had on my jaw in protest. I could hear the hurt in his voice, hear the plea behind the tough words. However, when he curled his fingers inside me, fingering me with the mess he had left inside, my stomach twisted like a phone cord, tangled and knotted. "This was a mistake--"

"Stop," he snarled, voice low and sharp; "fucking saying that."

Roman's fingers curled inside me again, pressing against a spot that made me shudder despite the shame clawing at my chest. He was punishing me, making sure I felt everything, making sure I couldn't ignore the way my body betrayed me.

"No-- no," I whimpered, turning my face away, but Roman caught my chin, forcing my gaze back to him. His expression was unreadable now, somewhere between wanting to break me and needing me to stay whole. "You think you can just go back to pretending none of this happened?" His breath was warm against my lips, mocking me with its closeness. "That you can just walk away, run back to your sad little life of being obsessed with me, and pretend we don't belong together?"

My stomach twisted violently at the words, and my heart hammered against my ribs. "Please, no--" I whispered, but even I could hear how weak it sounded. I was too overstimulated, too broken. "I don't-- I don't have another one in me--"

"No, you do," he commanded. "You do, baby, you do."

No.

No, no, no.

A slow smirk tugged at his lips. "You can fight it all you want," he murmured, his voice dark with satisfaction. "But you forget how well I know you."

I shook my head-- or at least, I tried to. Roman's grip tightened, holding me in place, forcing me to meet his gaze. I clenched my jaw, fighting against the pleasure, fighting against him, but Roman's grip didn't ease. If anything, the weight of his hand on my jaw only grew heavier, more possessive, more suffocating. His fingers were still buried inside me, still stroking into me with a deliberate, cruel precision on the library floor, despite my pleas.

"You need me," he said, like it was a fact, like it was already written in stone. "And I need you, and we need to be together." His fingers pressed deeper, drawing another helpless whimper from my lips.

Despite my efforts to stop him, it was torturously good being filled over and over by Roman's fingers, the warmth of his cum still sending shivers up my spine. "I need time!" I cried, squirming at the edge of my impending orgasm. "I need to-- think!--"

"Think?"

"Decide!"

Roman's smirk widened. His fingers moved in slow, devastating strokes, teasing, coaxing, forcing my body closer and to the edge whether I wanted it or not. "You can't be without me," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss against my jaw. "You don't want to be without me. What is there to decide?"

"That's not!--" My voice broke as pleasure crashed through me, my back arching despite my best efforts. "Roman, please!"

Finally, he relented.

"Fine... fine,"

He had gotten what he wanted, after all.

For me to think it over, to give us another chance.

"You get a week," he challenged, his thumb pressing down on my clit in one slow, cruel motion as a reward for my cooperation.

My legs gave in to a tremble, and my body churned with pleasure and anger; I was beyond overstimulated. "You son of a-- manipulative piece of shit, motherfucker!--" I had no idea what came over me when I balled my fist and slammed it against his chest, losing control over my senses. "Fuck-- you, fuck, fuck!--"

Roman's hand on my chin tightened, pushing me down to the floor with harshness I hadn't seen in him before; I felt like a dog getting trained to not misbehave. "Take it," he hissed, pressing harder against my sweet spot, the sound of his fingers fucking his cum deeper into me filling the room along with my cries. "Take it." It got to the point where he let go of my chin and covered my mouth with his palm, drowning out my sobs of pleasure.

I tried to fight it, I really did-- but Roman's fingers worked me open, pushed me higher, until the tension snapped and I was falling, tumbling over the edge for the second time with a ragged, broken sob.

Roman watched me the whole time. He didn't let up, didn't stop until I was gasping, shaking, completely undone beneath him. Then, and only then, did his touch slow.

My orgasm had brought me to tears. Big, heavy tears. They burned in the corner of my eyes, and I wished for them to burn into his brain as well, until it hit me that Roman got off on this. I knew this. I knew he liked this. He had simply been nice with me up until now.

In silence, his hand left my jaw, sliding down to rest against my throat, his fingers brushing against my racing pulse. They lingered there, light but possessive, feeling the frantic rhythm of my heartbeat beneath his touch. Roman's breathing was uneven, his lips parting as if he wanted to say something, but the words never came. Instead, he just watched me, watched the way my body trembled, the way I gasped for air, the way my tears streaked down my heated skin.

Roman's thumb ghosted over skin, and this time, there was no cruelty in the motion, no smugness. Just something quiet. Something careful.

"Shh," he murmured, barely above a whisper. "You're okay."

I flinched at the softness in his voice, and at the way his other hand brushed a damp strand of hair from my forehead. It felt too much like comfort. Too much like care. And maybe it was... but it was also so twisted. Because it came from him. From the person who had just broken me apart and put me back together in the way he wanted.

Roman's touch trailed down my cheek, hesitant now, like he was treading carefully over thin ice. His fingers stroked away a stray tear, and for a moment, I thought I saw regret flicker in his eyes. Or maybe I was just desperate to see it?

"You don't have to cry," Roman murmured, like he didn't understand.

The words made something snap inside me.

My hand moved before I could think. A sharp crack echoed through the room as my palm struck his face, the impact snapping his head to the side.

Silence.

Roman didn't move. He didn't touch his cheek, didn't flinch, didn't even breathe for a moment. His jaw tightened, and his hands curled into fists at his sides, but he didn't strike back. He would never. Instead, he just sat there, staring at me, his expression unreadable.

My chest heaved, my whole body trembling, but I didn't look away. I couldn't look away.

We sat here like that-- neither of us speaking, neither of us moving, just locked in this unbearable, suffocating silence.

And then Roman licked his lips, slow and deliberate.

"Okay," he finally said, voice low and even. "Okay."

Now, he understood. Something told me he was even waiting for me to do it again.

But...

My chest heaved with my incoming breath, and I gave in to the sobs building in my body while I looked around to check where my clothes were. I wanted to get dressed. I felt too naked like this, too visible, too vulnerable.

Roman let out a slow breath, his tongue swiping over the corner of his mouth where my slap had landed. His cheek was flushed, the shape of my palm still burning against his skin, but he didn't move to retaliate. Instead, he shifted closer, his hand reaching out-- not forcefully, not possessively, but gently. Like he wanted to soothe me, like he hated that I was hurting.

"Baby--"

"No, you don't talk right now!" I snapped, jerking away before he could touch me. The cold air of the library hit my bare skin as I scrambled to sit up, my legs unsteady beneath me. My whole body ached from him, from everything, and I felt raw, exposed. I needed to get away.

Roman didn't try to stop me. He just watched as I grabbed my clothes, slipping them on with stiff, shaking hands. My movements were jerky, fuelled by the overwhelming storm in my chest. I let out a groan as I realized I had forfeited my underwear-- was his cum going to be dripping down the leg of my jeans all day?

"You got what you wanted," I spat, not looking at him. "I'll think about it. You win."

Roman swallowed hard as he pulled his pants up, fixing his belt. His throat bobbed, and his jaw clenched, but he didn't argue. "You wanted this too," he mumbled, almost like he was trying to convince himself. "... Right?"

I ignored him, pulling on my shirt and yanking it down over my thighs before shoving my feet back into my shoes. I just needed to get out of here, away from him, away from the heavy scent of him still clinging to my skin.

But before I could storm out, Roman called out my name; "I love you," he echoed. "And you love me. Think of it as simple as that."

I should have kept walking, I should have ignored him, but something in the way he said my name, so quiet, so desperate, made me freeze. "I didn't want to make you feel like this," he admitted, his voice rough, almost ashamed. "I just... I don't know how to be without you."

That was the problem. Neither of us did.

I turned halfway, my pulse hammering. If only that was simple. Roman's eyes were on me, dark and unreadable in the dim light of the library, but I could see it clear as day; the relief flickering beneath the guilt. Because despite everything, despite how fucked-up this was, I was still here. I hadn't run away. I hadn't told him to go to hell. And that meant there was still a chance, right?

I hated that. I hated that I was standing on the edge of something dangerous, something that could ruin me all over again, or even worse, get me killed.

But the worst part?

I wasn't sure if I wanted to step back or let myself fall.

"You might not have to be," I breathed, before reaching for the door.

I had a week.

I had until next Friday.

One week.

Roman Godfrey hated hanging up the phone after talking past midnight. Roman Godfrey loved comparing the size of his hands with mine.

Roman Godfrey hated being apart from me.

Roman Godfrey loved me.

(a/n: MY GOOOOOOOD WHY IS ROMAN SO STUPID😭 someone save my boy istgggg😭 ANYWAY, thank you for reading all of this if you got this far, MWAH🥹💕)

here are all the chapters!<3: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14

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