#i hate that adhd isn’t researched enough

[m4rveys]

why i think harvey specter and louis litt are bpd coded (to an extent)

this is just harmless headcanon based on what i noticed while watching, don’t take me too seriously. i’m pretty sure aaron korsh has never even heard of bpd and no one in that writers room knew enough about psychology to actually write a borderline character…

i could make a way more in depth analysis of their mental… situations… but i haven’t rewatched the show in a while so these are just my most basic observations

louis

aside from his uh.. obvious emotional instability and anger issues. i think the most tangible proof i have of this one is when he was described as “loving, hating, and wanting to be harvey at the same time.” now, i’m pretty sure that was just a movie quote… but Very Telling imho…

also the way all his romantic relationships play out in the show (TARA!!!!)… idk y’all… that tara thing was textbook limerence in my eyes.

side note, i’ve seen people call him bipolar quite a bit but i’m pretty sure most of that is just the colloquial (see: wildly incorrect) usage/misunderstanding of the term and not actual concrete evidence of any bipolar theories.

harvey

this one is a little less obvious, so bear with me. but i think the way he started having panic attacks so severe he had to see a therapist (!!!) because donna went to work for someone else at the same damn firm… i’m sorry but the abandonment issues are wild. also the scene when he sees lipschitz one on one and he’s basically complaining that everyone leaves him and louis is gonna forget about him once he has a baby…? which uh, has he ever met louis before? also, that scene gets extra funny when the writers had him and donna leave for seattle like the day after lucy was born… who’s leaving who now?

also, his anger issues got pretty bad too… and his whole “i don’t care about anyone, caring makes me weak” shtick from the earlier seasons isn’t necessarily giving mental illness, but it certainly doesn’t paint a picture of perfect mental stability… i mean, he does change throughout the show (see: the whole situation with anna) but i’d argue that was directly a result of mike’s presence in his life.

ACTUALLY, DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT ONE. SECRETLY KEEPING MIKE AND RACHEL’S OLD APARTMENT JUST IN CASE THEY MIGHT COME BACK??? but that deserves a whole separate post bc that’s not related to bpd… just homosexuality.

there’s honestly way more than that, but i’d have to rewatch the whole damn show and take notes to properly make an analysis, which i am not currently willing to do.

Also in my mind mike is slightly autistic coded (strong sense of justice, eidetic memory, hyperempathy (actually just normal empathy tbh but he just looks really emotional compared to Harvey “I Don’t Get Attached To Clients, I Win” Specter)) but that’s not an actual theory i have nor is it at all supported by canon, pure projection by me on that one.

Uhhh again don’t take this too seriously, this is just my brain ramblings. i just thought bpd coded suits deserves more love than 4 unknown reddit comments (one of them being me), 1 tumblr post from half a decade ago, and 1 paragraph in a “tv series that portray bpd” article… i was seriously spoiled in my previous fandoms with the mental disorder hcs (see: adhd denki, bpd goro, autistic izuku/shoto/bkg/ren/saiki/everyone hcs being wildly popular).

also, this is in no way meant to be insulting/demeaning to any characters mentioned, just to share an alternative perspective/interpretation, i’m literally the ceo of borderpolartism… (and made up words!) feel free to disagree as heavily as you’d like, this is nothing but my own personal opinion.

Uhhh, i also have no formal education in psychology, just years of lived experience w bpd/autism and their dsm-5 criteria memorized… (Not that the dsm-5 is great in itself, that book is wildly problematic all on its own, but that’s a subject more fitting for a formal research paper and not a tumblr post made by a generally uneducated moron who only finished school up to the 9th grade…)

one day i’ll write up a proper analysis/explanation/character study, but for now this is the best you’re getting outside of the mildly implied but never explicitly stated autistic mike ross WIPs rotting in my notes app rn, never to be finished.

[gothic-birdie]

Hey, I'd like to ask how it is beeing medicated. I've read a few things but it's never clear enaugh for me. People are either very negative about it or very positive (or it just seems like that to me).

Hello lovely! I was literally just talking to my mum about my meds!

So I am combined ADHD and also suffer from anxiety.

I am taking Elvanse (same type of medication as Vyvanse) which is a Lisdexamfetamine (had to check my spelling like 5 times of all these words haha) - basically I’m taking one of the 2 different types of stimulant medications that are popular for ADHD. (I’ll do a post shortly on the different meds or tomorrow as I don’t think that’s talked about enough)

My opinions are mixed and based on my personal experience.

I started on a 20mg dose, and hoooo boy I didn’t feel a physical difference per say but the amount I achieved in that week alone spoke for itself - I managed to upload over 100 items to Vinted and do a whole host of other things I’d wanted to do!

However please listen to your dr when they say take it first thing, I took my first dose at 3pm and only slept for 2 hours in the first 24hrs I was taking it 😂

Upped to 30mg after 7 days - HATED IT - felt off, spacey, anxious, just no didn’t like it, but I preserved cause you’re told to. It started to effect my sleep even though I was taking it at 9am

Upped to 40mg after another week, very much no thank you. Anxiety spiked, sleep non existent, headaches, felt nauseous. So with my follow up appointment on Monday I’ll be requesting to go back to 20mg, which suited me well.

Now, I’m not saying it will cure everything, I was and am still forgetful, will walk into a room and be like hold up why am I here. Personally for me it just seems to have helped my executive disfunction, which is a big deal personally as that was one thing that plagued me. It’s not completely gone but I’ve found that it’s less of a struggle getting up and getting on, I don’t need to have an afternoon nap everyday cause I’m exhausted.

I’m also not saying medication and/or diagnosis is for everyone. For me having a diagnosis and medication was so that I could hopefully improve things that was really impacting my life and mental health. (I have an appointment soon so I’ll talk to her about this as I can’t remember the conversation as to why we decided it was important for me vs sometimes not for others and update)

If I go back onto 20mg and the side effects don’t disappear then I’ll be requesting to try a different medication, possibly a non stimulant based med.

Medication is so personal, a bit like the pill for those of us cursed with a womb, some work for some people and some work for others.

I would sit and think (maybe write down) what areas of your life are the most impacted, what bits of ADHD are your pain points. Then think about (and research) the impact of the different meds on those particular symptoms and the impact of therapy on those particular symptoms, and obviously any personal experience you have with both. A lot of this depends on finances and where you live as well. If you’re going to pay for it - I’m UK based but pay privately for my medication and therapy currently - what will give you “more bang for your buck”

If you’d like to chat more (you and anyone else who sees this) , absolutely feel free to ask another question or if you’re comfortable then message me, I’m MORE than happy to share any and all of my experiences if you find them helpful.

Much love! (Ps hope that makes sense and isn’t too rambely!!!) 💜

**✨please remember this is MY personal experience and I am NOT a dr✨**

[demented-tours]

Making a whine funny so it goes better with dinner.

I texted this to a friend (because I text books sometimes; sorry?), but am putting it here, too, because maybe sharing rants about the sheer improbability of existence is helpful in some other space. Or it might get me flamed into the outer rings of hell.

Meh.

~*~

Tuesday was unavoidable work hell, and on Wednesday I fucked up my back. Badly.

Of course I did. Can't feel feelings properly, so body takes hit, which means that in certain equation: XStress=YPhysicalBreakdown.

It's even predictable. Polite, my pain.

But my lower back/pelvis is now, “Worse than I’ve seen it in years” said my massage therapist.

Not great.

And I just thought to myself, "How disabled a life should I lead?"

Like, if somebody told me tomorrow, “If you quit your job, do yoga 45 minutes a day in carefully controlled environment, take THESE supplements, sleep 10 hours no matter what, and focus entirely on breathing the rest of the time, you’ll have zero pain in your life,” could I do it?

Would I want to?

Hell, I think that might be sort of what I was trying to do before I realized it was a zero sum game.

But I find that I’m at this bizarre place where I’m like, “Okay. I”m (likely)autistic-ADHD-OCD-acronym empowered. Disabled. Anxious. Chronic pain. Autoimmune bingo card winner. I have a full time, highly stressful job, and I think it’s fun to write 6 books at a time. I’ve given up most of my social outings, as I prefer to speak on the phone or in small groups. I don’t like to eat in public. Obligations give me hives. Literally. And also panic attacks.

Except for those obligations that I weirdly manage for myself? But not all of them? Like, how can, "Dee, let’s write 5000 words today!" Not stress me but "Dee let’s do laundry!" make me feel like I am facing the guillotine, and honestly, please behead me faster so it's over already?

And, conversely, how can, "Should we have sex?" feel like somebody’s asking me to scale Mount Everest naked whereas, "Can you do six hours of research on box beetles?" feel so good I feel it in my teeth?

I fucking don’t get myself. The more rocks I turn over, the more confusing it gets. I am a pile of misinformation and contradictions, and it is exhausting trying to sort out these grains of rice from these grains of wheat.

"Just take care of yourself" they say.

Sure, Jan, I say back.

Because I really feel like if I took away all my stressors, the motion of my own lungs would become annoying. Like, congratulations! You have achieved a zen state!

And then, ten minutes into said zen state, I can feel my fucking lungs moving in an obnoxiously even rhythm and want to rip them from my chest.

Because it isn’t what I do. It’s how my body/mind PERCEIVES it and REACTS to it without my fucking consent.

And yeah, I read all the books on retraining your brain. That works great if you want to stop hating spiders because one bit you as a kid and then your mom kissed your booboo, and you got the bandaid you liked.

It does not work well if spiders are attached to garden hoses because you once killed a spider and then got beaten with a hose because you left the back door unlocked before being sent to your room without supper where you rocked yourself for comfort and now you have a VERY complicated relationship with spiders (which you cannot be near) and hoses (which you like in kinky bedroom activity) and food (you can't eat supper without permission) and locks (you collect them) and being alone (which, as Taylor says, leads to ending up in crisis) and rocking (which you do only on airplanes, now, for Other Complicated Ass Reasons)*.

So yeah. Not simple.

I really don't pay my therapist enough.

But then I think all this, and I think, “Do I REALLY not like to eat in public??? I used to love it. I think? Or was I faking it? Or sometimes?

"Or is all this misinformation, too? Actually, is everything? Self, are we pretending to be disabled to get out of doing things we don’t like? Or do we legit need to get out of doing things we don’t like because we are disabled**?"

I have no fucking clue.

And my back hurts.

Sigh.

<3Dee

*(Please note: This is purely an example. I was not beaten with hoses. And I like spiders, and I rock in cars, not planes, thanks.)

**(This is my own self talk, not commentary on anybody else's disability. Because YOUR disability is 1000% legit. I will fight to the death for your self respect and accomodations. It's just my disability that's clearly for show.)

[schrodingers-tits]

Ok! I’m gonna mainly discuss the mental disorders he has and explain how they affect him

So first, we know about Tweek’s addiction from his parents. In my canon, they decided on Tweek’s seventh birthday that their son is old enough to help out with their business. This includes taste testing coffee, which is canonized in TFBW. Eventually, Tweek started to REALLY want to drink the coffee a lot because he gets a weird, tingly, funny feeling when he drinks it. Drinking so much coffee for someone so little caused some big problems, like the obvious anxiety/paranoia, acne, restlessness, and ✨ psychosis ✨

Anxiety disorder: the most obvious disorder. Any distressing event can cause a lot of pressure on tweek and make it hard for him to function. Because of this, Tweek has to constantly live in a state of fear and has multiple panic attacks a day. Luckily, Craig tries to comfort him and seems to work wonders on Tweek’s anxiety.

Paranoid personality disorder: the other obvious one. It’s very, very hard for tweek to perform some tasks because he worries he’ll get hurt. Tweek does research on some of these disasters to see what he can do to prevent it or stay safe. Chances are you’ll need to reassure him that he’s likely to be okay during these.

Adhd: in Gnomes, Mrs tweak claims the reason her son is so hyper is because of ADHD. It’s heavily implied that she said this as a cover up, but I still headcanon tweek to have this because I have it too and I like to self project. Tweek canonically has trouble focusing, so this could mean he might just have ADHD. The hyperactivy isn’t something to care about because of the coffee.

And now, disorders tweek doesn’t canonically have but does have in my canon:

Autism: more self projection. Tweek stims a lot mostly to let anxiety out. His special interests are Pokémon, Lego’s and animals. Funnily enough the first and third are mine too. Tweek is sensitive to loud noises, so he sometimes wears noise cancelling headphones. In my rehab AU, Tweek enters a large burnout, sleeps often, acts more soft (trying not to fanonize him, he’s just been through a lot) and is often semiverbal. He also has many meltdowns instead of anxiety attacks in this AU.

Depression: yes, even tweek gets depressed often. If Tweek loses someone or does something that makes him “hate (his) brain”, chances are hell lie in his bed all do and do barely anything. Unfortunately, he (as a teenager) has hurt himself on purpose (usually burning himself his coffee or repeatedly hitting his head on a wall) and attempted a few times. Pro tip: bring Stripe to Tweek during a depressive episode. You won’t regret it.

Epilepsy: so. Meth can cause seizures. Autism is often comorbid with epilepsy. So, if an autistic kid drinks coffee repeatedly ever since he was seven, it’s likely something bad will happen to your brainwaves. If Tweek gets very, VERY stressed, he might seize. His epilepsy seemed to have formed when he was eleven, and it got bad a year later and he almost died from a long seizure.

There’s probably more I headcanon him to have but I can’t seem to remember them well on the top of my tongue. So, in conclusion, Tweek needs a hug.

oooo! I love these so much. Personally, I also headcanon (well, semi-canon) him to have Tourette’s, due to his tics. I, myself, suffer from tics, and his ‘tweaking’ is very reminiscent of these. The way he just moves past them when talking like they didn’t happen at all is very tic-disorder-behavior.

Another one (this one definitely more headcanon-y) is cognitive/motor disinhibition. Tweek obviously suffers from paranoia, however, from the description of cognitive disinhibition, it could tie in as well. The unwanted thoughts that keep a person from focusing sounds very Tweek-like.

Next: mania. This is tied into his coffee/meth addiction, however he shows signs of it when he doesn’t have coffee. This is clearly withdrawal of sorts, but it leads to a manic-like state.

The last one is OCD. Tweek’s paranoia is a part of the reason why I believe this, though I’m not sure how canon it is. It’s more of a headcanon, as his anxiety is almost parallel to that of people I know with OCD and anxiety. Again, there isn’t much proof that I have stored in my brain, but it is more a headcanon.

Good talk!! :) /gen

[writeblrsvoid]

one of my characters autonomously decided she was going to be autistic. This isn’t a problem for me, to be honest, because I was planning on having her be ADHD (all my POVs are to some degree bc I have ADHD and it shows), but she decided her special interest is the fun fantasy sci fi tech involved in their floating ships. Originally I was worried because I was like “well, she’s Filipina-Latina and I don’t want it to be the ever so popular stereotype of smart Asian kid AND autistic kid whose special interest is science related” and then I realized that she’s an autistic GIRL and her special interests also involve being a fighter. Plus, there are other Asian characters who fall into neither of the above categories, so it’s not quite the same. More importantly…there probably is some actual Filipina-Latina girl out there whose special interest is Star Wars or something similar who would benefit from seeing a girl like her in media (even if this book is meant for an audience of preteen and teen boys as a way to counter Andrew Taint’s anti-woman hate and targeting of boys’ insecurities. Whole other conversation to be had there, but the guys in this book all have their own character growth and moments where they can be emotional and NOT treated like a joke because of it. Because IRL reasons including MY brothers who were hurt by AT’s ideals). So…yeah. Just wanted to scream into the void about that before I delve into the research I need and figure out how many sensitivity readers the publisher will eventually have to pick up.

i love writing. (/genuine)

Countering stereotypes with something that could be deemed stereotypical but done just right... beautiful. Void hopes you put enough research in, and use all the tools at your disposal to do that just the right way. I believe in you! You've got this. :)

Happy writing, my friend. Remember to have fun while you're doing all of this! <3

[midnighttearsunfiltered]

The Guilt of Medicating My Kids: A Battle Between My Heart and My Mind

If you had told me years ago that I would be giving my kids daily medication to help them function, I probably would have fought against it. Not because I didn’t believe in ADHD or anxiety medications, or medication they need to sleep through the night, but because I never wanted to need them. I wanted my kids to be able to navigate the world without a pill. I wanted to believe that structure, patience, and the right parenting techniques would be enough.

But here I am, handing out their medication every morning and evening, making sure everyone swallows their pills—knowing deep down that without them, life is so much harder for them. And yet, the guilt never leaves me. It’s a battle between my heart and my mind. My heart tells me, What if I’m taking away part of who they are? What if this changes them? My mind tells me, You’ve seen the difference it makes. They are happier, calmer, more in control. They can function better at school. They don’t struggle as much.

I know the medication helps them. I see the difference in their ability to focus, to regulate emotions, to get through the day without feeling overwhelmed. But there’s still that voice in my head whispering, Am I doing the right thing?

One of the hardest parts about this decision is the judgment—from others, and even from myself.

There’s the "unspoken shame" that comes with giving your child medication. The worry that people will think I took the “easy way out.” The fear that someone will tell me I should just “try harder” as a parent, as if I haven’t spent endless hours researching alternatives, adjusting routines, and doing everything in my power to help them without medication.

And then there’s the self-doubt—the thoughts that creep in late at night:

What if they grow up and hate that I medicated them?

What if I missed another option?

What if they feel like they needed a pill to be "good enough"?

But then we have those days—the ones where the pharmacy is out of stock, or insurance delays a refill, and suddenly, my kids have to go without their medication. Those days remind me why we made this decision in the first place.

Without their meds, everything feels harder for them. The emotional outbursts, the struggles to focus, the frustration of knowing what they want to do but not being able to make their brain cooperate. Having so much energy they don't know how to function and end up hurting themselves. I see them fight against their own minds, and I realize... This isn’t about me. This is about giving them the tools to succeed, to feel balanced, to feel okay in their own skin.

I remind myself every day: Medication isn’t a failure. It’s not a weakness. It’s not a shortcut.

It’s a tool. Just like glasses help someone see, or insulin helps regulate blood sugar. Their medications help them manage something that is out of their control. And maybe one day, they’ll decide they don’t want or need it. Maybe they’ll find different coping mechanisms as they grow. But for now, this is what helps them thrive—and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for them.

To any other parent struggling with the guilt of medicating their child, I see you. I hear you. You are not alone in this. And no matter what, you are doing what you believe is BEST for your child—and that is Enough.

[shiftingtotwilight]

My shifting Journey over the past 5 years.

(An uphill Battle)

It all started back in 2020 when I first discovered shifting through TikTok, as many of us did. I wrote my first script, a Harry Potter one, just for fun to see what would happen. I wasn’t completely sold on the idea but I thought worse case scenario I’d just waste a couple of hours of my life and then forget about it.

I looked at tips and tutorials, trying to find a method that I liked and eventually stumbled upon the Train method. I figured since I was going to a Harry Potter DR it would be perfect.

I closed the curtains, locked my door, put on some headphones and laid down on my bed while doing the now infamous star position.

I listened to the method trying not to let my mind ramble too much and I started to feel tingles all over my body. I ignored the sensation and continued with the method. Then I started hearing things. Murmurs, voices saying unclear stuff?

Wtf??

I thought to myself as I continued to listen, then suddenly I started seeing shapes. The shapes slowly took form, making it clear it was people, after all while I was able to recognize them… it was the golden trio

My vision became clear, my heart was raising as I realized where I was and who I was with.

“Cordelia, are you alright? You look ill.”

I heard Hermione said. I felt in shock, not able to recognize the name she was calling me by. It was as If I’d forgotten the name I had written in my script out of pure shock.

“Delia, are you alright?”

Harry Asked. I didn’t answer. I felt my heart keep raising and just as I was about to say something I shifted back.

I came back to my CR almost gasping for air at the pure shock of what I had just seen… It was real.

After that, I was hooked.

I spent months and months on end trying to shift again but nothing worked. I changed methods multiple times, I started meditating, Journaling, I made my scripts more detailed. All I could think about was shifting.

It consumed me, Completely took over my life. And soon enough I started to hate it. Why would the universe only give me a taste just to take it away from me?

I stopped shifting all together. Until 2022 came around.

I’d just moved to another state and didn’t have any friends. I spent a lot of time by myself, mostly reading.

One night I had a dream of my Dr self telling me to try to shift again. I took it as a sign so I did.

I started doing more research, trying new methods, I even started posting content about shifting on TikTok.

I came close, or at least I think I did, many times. But I never got there. Heartbroken, I decided it was probably better to let that DR go, and maybe shifting all together.

Years passed, and I would occasionally think about shifting as a fond memory of something I never really had.

A few weeks ago I started coming across shifting TikToks again. I took it as a sign.

I made a whole new script, now with the twilight saga as a setting, and started listening to meditations, subliminal, any advice and motivation I could take I’d force it upon myself. I wanted to build the correct mindset.

3 days ago something happened. I was doing the ADHD method when suddenly I felt myself kick my foot. A spasm, something completely normal. Except for the sound of leafs moving under my foot.

I didn’t shift that night, but ever since I’ve felt disconnected, detached from my CR. I’ve been having depersonalization episodes multiple times a day, sometimes I hear stuff that isn’t there. Like the wind when I’m inside a room, or birds that sing when I’m inside the house at night. I’ve started seeing stuff from my DR too. At the begging I thought it was me imagining scenarios, but then I realized I was recalling stuff. Almost like finding memories.

I don’t know what this means, but it has motivated me when I was feeling ready to give up.

[e1evator]

⋆｡° 𖦹 ⋆ ˚ ☾⋆｡°✩ nightly thoughts ⋆｡°

✮ date : Wednesday, 11 October 2023

✮ mood : unhappy!! unhappy! yippee!!

✮ tldr ; and I cannot stress this enough, i am not doing well.

Hii, I’m currently very tempted to stage a reason to go to the ER… I am not doing well and my future is not looking bright <3 Maybe, all I need is a break from the real world? However, I don’t want to be admitted into a psychiatric ward and I know that’s my actual problem.

I have 2 essays that were due last night and submitted neither. Currently, it is still this way, despite that I could have worked on it at any point today. The amount of shame I feel cannot be put into words. I worked all night on them last night but I was not successful at completing them. I completely feel incapable of success in every aspect; why can’t I make it like my peers seem to? Now, it’s night again and I have 2 hours to complete the essays before I have any more points deducted. I am simply unhopeful.

My ADHD paralysis is taking a toll on my performance and all I can do is get more anxious and more paralyzed about the situation. I don’t even hate writing essays and have done some on time. But when I get more than one and they overlap in some way, I can’t decide which one is more important and often choose the one I’m more interested in, instead of the one that is more important towards my grade. After I pass the due date, my motivation plummets even farther because every time I think about it I get such a deep dread and anxiety, completely overwhelmed by shame.

I want to cry out for the accommodations but there’s nothing for ADHD people anymore. Every accommodation has a star and says “*adhd is not a valid diagnosis for this accommodation” and it’s literally things like due date extensions, limited distraction testing, and note taking assistance. Not only am I adhd, but I’m additionally disabled in several other mental and physical ways. But, I have a shiny god star declaring me adhd, so that’s where my accommodations end. I could not possibly need accommodations for my chronic pain and ptsd, it simply must be that classic lazy ol’ adhd trying to procrastinate and sneak it’s way out of another one.

At first, I was hopeful and just found the school ableist; however, I’m starting to think about why there’s no accommodations for me and what if I’m the problem? I shouldn’t need accommodations, I should be up to par like they expect but I’m just not.

My biggest fear is college isn’t for me. Like, what if I’m not succeeding here because I’m not supposed to succeed here. It was never for me to succeed at. What then? What career would I even care about like I do for the pursuit of higher knowledge? I want to be a researcher so bad; Someone always learning. It’s just seeming not to actually be possible; not because I do not wish to continue, but it seems that society does not want me to continue and who am I to say they are wrong?

Anyways, I have 2 hours to complete at least one of these essays before more points are deducted. Love u all, mwah!

✮ night rating: ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

[spaceysoupy]

Oh boy folks it gets worse! This is a long post, if you want the TLDR you’ll have to scroll. There is so much to go through as to why this is bad and this is only surface level research that I fear goes much, much deeper.

Here’s an endeavor OTC user who says you get charged the yearly subscription fee if you forget to cancel your 7 day free trial.

Not the monthly subscription fee, which is already bad enough at $24.99 a month, but $129.99 is automatically taken out of your bank account if you forget to cancel your trial in 7 days.

You know what else you can get for that price? Two months of methylphenidate using goodrx, with room to spare!

Now I could understand charging the monthly subscription fee at the end of the free trial, even if I think that practice sucks already, but most subscription based apps and subscriptions in general do that already. But they always charge the lowest end of the price range they offer. There is absolutely no reason why an app designed for adults with ADHD should be charging $130 dollars immediately after your free trial ends. None.

If that doesn’t scream ���we made this to pump money out of a desperate class of people who increasingly cannot access the medication they need and are known to have impulse issues and forgetfulness when it comes to money” I don’t know what does.

But don’t take my words for it, look at theirs!

Endeavor OTC claims that 83% of participants saw clinical improvement in their ability to focus and 73% reported quality of life improvements within a 6 week study

Most adhd medication takes at minimum a few weeks to a few months to get the dosage settled and for lasting improvement to show.

As you can see here the median trial length for ADHD drugs for children was 4 weeks, with the majority not approved until 6 or more months.

And that’s just to 1) make sure the drug doesn’t immediately kill the kid and 2) make sure there’s some sort of desirable effect

And frequently these companies have seen criticism from medical professionals that these trials still aren’t long enough and don’t accurately study the long term effects of these medications.

So how is 6 weeks enough time to say that your mobile game can efficiently treat ADHD at a similar or greater level than ADHD medication?

It’s not, but the developers sure want you to think so!

You see they assign a number to Your Focus and Bigger Number means you’re Doing Better. I haven’t found any information as to how this score is calculated, but based on this description of the gameplay—because I refuse to play it myself and legitimize predatory company practices—we can assume that it calculates your speed, steering accuracy, timing, and maybe simultaneous task performance

So, basically any video game that monitors your progress, and consistent with skill progression in any video game as you get used to the controls and difficulty.

That 73% of adults reporting quality of life improvement can also be explained by the brain getting dopamine for playing A New Game that gives you Rewards, also making you feel good because yay, I’m finally doing something about my adhd! I’m gonna get better from this alone, right? Right!?

Even further worrying is the language they use surrounding the app. It isn’t a mobile game that may improve adhd, it’s “adhd medication” and it’s not a “session” but a “dose.” This is preying on both the already disturbing trend of anti-medication influencers and the adhd medication shortage. ADHD adults, suddenly without medication they relied on to function, desperate to try anything that may help them survive in a society that is not built for them. And if you’re not seeing improvement, well maybe you’re just haven’t played enough? Oh, sorry, “had enough doses.” Or if you don’t see improvement after a few months you have to keep playing and keep paying each month because surely it’s just a plateau, right.

This is already shitty enough for me to hate it with a passion, but hold on to your hats folks because it gets worse!

Let’s take a look at their study for the 85% focus improvement and 78% increased productivity cited figures.

Now, it’s a bit strange that they’re not citing the actual paper name or linked it in their description, but given that they’ve given the journal name and researchers, I can actually find it pretty easily. Hm, that name seems familiar…

Here we see that the name of the study is “A Single-Arm Pivotal Trial to Assess the Efficacy of Akl-T01, a Novel Digital Intervention for Attention, in Adults Diagnosed With ADHD”

“But Nebs, why is that important?” You might ask.

Because it has to do with how the study is run.

A single-arm trial is the simplest trial design you can possibly have. It’s where you take a small sample of individuals with the targeted medical condition, give them the therapy, and follow them over time to observe their response.

“This design is employed when the objective of the trial is to obtain preliminary evidence of the efficacy of the treatment and to collect additional safety data, but is not generally used as confirmation of efficacy. The design may be desirable when the available patient pool is limited and thus it is not optimal to randomize many participants to a control arm.” -Clinical trial structures Scott R. Evans, Ph.D.

Already off to a bad start, single-arm trials rarely confirm efficacy—i.e the ability to produce a desired result, efficiency—because they have several limitations, including, but not limited to: inability to distinguish between effect of the treatment and placebo affect, the effect of natural history, and no frame of reference.

The most basic thing we learn about in high school science class—control groups—and they had none. No people with ADHD symptoms without formal diagnosis trying the app, no people without adhd trying the app, no people with ADHD not trying the app, no comparison to general skill progression of any other mobile game not “designed for ADHD”

Oh but don’t worry, it still gets more shady!

Remember this guy?

Scott Kollins, PhD, chief medical officer. Of what? Oh don’t worry, just the company that makes the game! Which he was announced to have joined December 1, 2022, nearly a full year before the study was published.

According to LinkedIn, Caitlin A. Stamatis, one of the other names on the publication, is also the Director of Medical and Scientific affairs for Akili.

The third and last name on the publication, Catherine Mercaldi, is, surprise surprise, the Director of Biostatistics for Akili Interactive.

Looking into Akili Interactive’s financials and we find even more weird (but not illegal, I should say) things, like the fact that David Baszucki, the CEO of Roblox is an investor. Or the multiple venture capital companies that seem to be investing in and only investing in this company.

EndeavorOTC gleaned 126,000 first-time downloads, 4,200 active users and an average of $81.88 per user from June 6 to Sept. 5, 2023, the first three months it was available on the Apple App store.

Further, the app had a 67% two-month retention rate, according to the release. Akili made $341,000 during those three months.

So yeah, clearly effective for them to them to make money.

And yet Akili is laying off 30% and 40% of its staff multiple times a year and their 10-K form does not seem to reflect the reported efficacy of this “treatment.”

Aside from the predatory and shady business practices, poorly designed studies and aggressive marketing, the gameplay itself does not seem to be helpful.

A quick look at the reviews on the iOS App Store shows a concerning amount of comments—even those who rated in favor of the app—who have trouble with the sensitivity of the controls, and even ended up with wrist pain after just a few “doses.”

Another reviewer states that despite the app coming with an epilepsy warning, there is no mention of motion sickness.

This may be one of the ADE’s (adverse drug events) that 5% of participants reported in the study, but we cannot know for sure considering the study doesn’t even report what they were.

This game comes with an epilepsy a warning, but says nothing about motion sickness. I really wanted this treatment and the help it could provide, but playing it made me feel physically sick despite wearing a ReliefBand. I'd love to try it again if they develop a different game mechanism, but cannot use it in the current state. - Sep 22, 2023 rihyzy

An even more concerning review by Drewzer93 on Sept 25th suggests even more predatory marketing practices

I started to download this app and canceled the download. Well today I looked at my Facebook and somehow they were spamming my friends on Facebook messenger pretending to be me with their game adds. I changed my password to Facebook but I'm afraid they have my account information and are going to continue to send adds to my friends and the same will happen to them. People need to be warned.

Other poor reviews mention that gameplay is impossible if you are colorblind, detrimental if you have migraines or motion sickness, and creates joint pain from the amount of phone manipulation needed to “steer.”

And remember that thing I warned about before, how they charge $130 at the end of your 7 day free trial? Well turns out they don’t even wait that long!

I was just charged $130 after only 6 days when they say you get a week free. I was under the impression I had 7 days to cancel, not 5. This is intentionally misleading. The day even said the 24th was when I would be auto renewed however today is the 23rd. I was charged at 4pm so it's not like it was close to midnight or anything. I will be reaching out to Apple as this is unacceptable.

Yikes! The reviewer goes on to mention how it doesn’t even have reminders that your free trial is ending, something that is standard with subscriptions and easy to implement.

So clearly something is wrong here. We have

Efficacy studies that are single armed

Mislabeled and misleading study titles

Studies with conflict of interest not disclosed and entirely funded by the company creating the “treatment”

Predatory subscription practices that rely on you forgetting to cancel your subscription

A subjective, at best, measure of focus and attention that can be compared to skill progression of normal video games

A focus (hah) on ADHD symptoms that are widely reported to *not* be the biggest concern for people with ADHD

Description of a non-drug treatment as “medication” that “should be compared to leading ADHD medication” without actually comparing the two

A reliance on anti-medication culture to sell

A reliance on misleading ads to sell

The CEO of Roblox, widely criticized for its predatory business practices that do uniquely target kids with ADHD, being an investor in this company. What.

Strange discrepancies with insider trading, reported profits and employee retention

A “treatment plan” that cannot be adjusted according to user needs, is not monitored by a medical professional,

No guarantee in spoken or written format that even more predatory business practices such as buying coins, buying more plays, loot crates, etc won’t be added.

In fact, it is likely that the addition of a shop to buy outfits for your character and coins that you can only get by completing “doses” means that this will be implemented, like every other FTP game that ends up purely as a money grabber.

An inaccessible game for those people with ADHD who may also have epilepsy, migraines, motion sickness, vision loss, joint pain, mobility issues, autism, sensory procession disorder, or any other condition that may cause overstimulation

TLDR; this app sucks. Endeavor OTC sucks, Akili Interactive, Akili Labs, Akili inc sucks, this is not an effective treatment for ADHD and it certainly isn’t ADHD “medication.” anti-medication agendas suck, their research sucks, you should not give your money to this company, you should not try the free version, there is no evidence that it works any more than any dopamine creating mobile game with multiple tasks, and more evidence that is detrimental to you. You might as well play something actually fun that is FTP with no in app purchases, since they even admit in their own advertising that it’s not the most fun game, and only the “most fun medication to take.”

Every time I see that fucking endeavour otc thing that is literally a fucking mobile game that claims to BE ADHD MEDICINE I fucking lose it like say you don’t actually listen to adhd folks about what struggles and symptoms affect us the most without saying it.

[billfarrah]

So I finished my first Young Royals rewatch in a long time and I have thoughts - Part 1: Wilhelm

So I did not realize initially how much I would run my mouth so I’m actually going to separate my thoughts about the characters into different posts starting with Wilhelm. If this post does well, I’ll do it about the other characters too, because tbh I have a lot to say about everyone:

- First of all I cannot emphasize enough how much watching the whole series from start to finish just hits different. After so many months of just looking at gifs and photos, I am always blown away when I eventually rewatch the show as a whole by good it is. It’s the show’s vibes and atmosphere, cinematography, music, and fantastic pacing that make the show so compelling and that just doesn’t translate when you don’t watch the whole thing. I’m always worried I won’t like the show as much on my next rewatch and I’m always floored by just how much I love it every time.

- This point isn’t directly related to Wilhelm but I wanted to address it as I just noticed it this time. I’ve always suspected that the drugs the society are on in episode 4 are painkillers, but I’ve seen most people believing they were taking the ADHD meds. On rewatch, it’s very clear they’re using painkillers. In episode 2, I just noticed Simon steals Tramadol from Micke - which is a fast-release opiate painkiller. That can get you high as fuck. Many people take them recreationally as a way to get high and they’re a common source of addiction. Micke has a bad back we presume as Simon asks him how his back is in episode 1, but obviously Simon thinks Micke takes them recreationally. In the society party scene, the boys are taking the pills from the prescription bottles, which are likely also painkillers. So no, they weren’t using ADHD meds to get high; they were using opiates. Are these drugs illegal? No, but taking them for recreational purposes would definitely get you in a lot of shit if you were caught with them at a boarding school, or any school for that matter. As far as Simon only feeling responsible to pay Micke back for the booze and not the pills, I am not Swedish so I don’t know how it works, but from what I researched, one does not need to pay more than 2,300 krona per year for prescriptions, and most of Micke’s drugs were probably free as they are all prescription. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

- Anyway, I fucking love Wilhelm as a protagonist. I love how raw, gritty and unapologetic he can be. I could talk about his character for hours. He’s so nuanced and he rarely says what he is thinking or feeling, so I can understand why some viewers perhaps had a hard time connecting with him, but if you pay attention to his actions, everything he does makes sense without him needing to say a single word. I love that his sexuality is actually one of the few things about himself that he’s genuinely comfortable with; yeah, he has a few minutes of gay panic and he does push Simon away because he worries having a relationship with him would be too complicated, but Wilhelm’s feelings and sexual attraction for a boy is never the main thing he is concerned about and he is actually extremely comfortable with expressing that side of himself. He is elated by Simon, euphoric; he is electric with Simon beneath his hands. He’s in love with a boy and he knows it; that’s not what scares him - it’s the implication of what being in love with a boy means in the context of the rest of his life where the problem lies. It’s so refreshing to see a queer protagonist be so unabashed and expressive in his sexuality.

- Wilhelm’s dilemma is very clear despite, like I said above, him rarely verbalizing his feelings. The first episode makes his position perfectly clear - it’s not that he has an issue being a prince, he just hates how little control he has over his life, how little say he has in decisions that impact him, and the fact that he’s constantly being punished and scrutinized for the tiniest slip-ups. Wilhelm is ultimately just a person who wants control over his own life; he does not resent his privilege at all but rather the restrictions that come with it. When he gets into a fight at a party that wasn’t even his fault, he has to make a public apology and is sent to boarding school without being consulted by his parents, because they feel it is what he needs to do to save the image of the family. When he gets to Hillerska, Erik tells him essentially to just do whatever August tells him to do, even though Wilhelm clearly does not like August. When Wilhelm starts making his own friend in Simon, August is constantly meddling and telling him he shouldn’t be spending time with someone like him, and admonishes him for going to the football game with Simon and even gives him punishment for it. Even though Wilhelm is away from the palace and his family, he still has August there trying to act like he knows better than him and telling him how he should act.

Now enter Simon. As viewers, we have discussed at length how Simon completely shakes up Wilhelm’s world and perspective already so I won’t rehash that. However, there was one scene that stood out to me in connection with the above paragraph, and it’s one where Wilhelm does something that probably would be considered “bad” or a “mistake”, and Simon does not punish him for it. I’ve seen some people say Simon went too easy on him for calling him high and drunk on the football field, and I disagree; I think Simon’s reaction was exactly what Wilhelm needed, As I said above, Wilhelm is constantly being criticized and torn apart with consequences for even the tiniest or most minute thing, so for Simon to smile softly at him, tell him it’s okay and that he still likes him probably moved fucking mountains for Wilhelm. He did something stupid and he’s not getting scolded for it? Simon actually has compassion for him AND still likes him? No wonder Wilhelm immediately put himself between Simon’s legs. Wilhelm is a kid and he deserves to be a little bit reckless without being judged or admonished for it, and no, I don’t think him calling Simon was wrong or traumatic for Simon. Wilhelm was in a fragile state and Simon was concerned for him; he was not triggered, but I’ll get to that if I end up making a Simon post.

- Wilhelm is not shy. He has his moments of anxiousness and he is a bit awkward around Simon at first because he has a crush on him, but Wilhelm is actually very good at talking to people; he just doesn’t want to a lot of the time. He’s an introvert and he doesn’t really have patience for bullshit. I find people portray him as some shy little baby, but he’s actually quite blunt and curt sometimes in a way that I find amusing. He just genuinely has no patience for the frivolities and fakeness around him and while he knows how to play the game very well, he would rather just keep to himself than do so. His behaviour during his arrival to Hillerska is actually quite rude; he rolls his eyes when the PR lady tells him and the Headmistress to switch places for a better photo, utterly annoyed by the manufactured nature of it all. This isn’t me trying to say Wilhelm is a rude person; he isn’t and is actually very kind, but he isn’t always shy over expressing his displeasure; he just doesn’t do it all the time.

- People are too harsh on Wilhelm for most things, but one that stands out for me is his and Simon’s fight in the music room. Wilhelm came at the argument from a bad angle, yes, but he tries to make it right; unfortunately he struck a nerve with Simon and Simon walked away. He never once says he thinks Simon should take the fall; he just wants to have a dialogue with Simon over what their options are, but Simon was already angry and didn’t want to talk. He really did try to communicate with him.

- By the time of Lucia, Wilhelm is deflated. He is exhausted. He was terrified of losing Simon so he did what any privileged person would do, the only thing he knew how to do (and perhaps what was the only thing he could’ve done) - blame someone else. Simon still isn’t happy with him. Wilhelm doesn’t know what to do anymore. He feels like everything he does is wrong, he is wrong, he’s not cut out for anything. He doubts every decision he makes. All he wants is control over his own life but even when he takes matters into his own hands, it blows up in his face. This is why he was so easily manipulated into denying the video; he’s been through so much in such a short period of time and is questioning every decision he’s making. He doesn’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. Maybe his mother is right.

- I love that the writers weren’t afraid to make Wilhelm messy. To me there is nothing interesting about a protagonist that does the right thing every time because there is no room for them to grow. Wilhelm is such a fantastic protagonist because he has so much growing up to do. He makes mistakes and he’s a bit self-centered and caught up in his own world and he hurts Simon because of that, but he’s also motivated by incredibly pure feelings of love, passion, desire for his own autonomy and acceptance, control over himself and the things in his life. He is kind at heart but occasionally callous, he is anxious but also incredibly strong and powerful when he needs to be, he’s a giddy teenage boy in love but leaves Simon breathless with his confident mouth and hands. He is not just one thing all the time and that’s why he’s so exciting to me.

- During the scene where Wilhelm exposes August in front of the society, Edvin’s acting is particularly brilliant; we see that he has a powerful, assertive side to his personality, and is capable of being a leader, but you can also see in his body language and expression that he is a little bit anxious about it. His arms are crossed and his jaw twitches a bit; he’s working through his anxiety to do what he thinks is right, and we see him do this so many times throughout the series 0 most notably when he works through his anxiousness to connect with Simon, a boy he’s so desperately drawn to. He is not a shy uwu baby and he is not always crippled by his anxiety; it’s just a part of him.

This got away from me completely as I just have so many thoughts about this show. Please let me know if you’d like to me see talk about the other characters.

[glitchybrook]

oh the joy of having good grades and a mask that's starting to merge with your face

"a joy to have in class" aka This Child Will Not Be Diagnosed for at least Eight Years

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

Phantom Found

Danny Fenton’s Jock Squad, ao3

@floralflowerpower

Wes wasted no time when he got home, hopping onto his computer and looking up ghosts in relation to the name ‘Fenton’. The ‘research’ he found read like a pseudo scientific hate crime meant to push discriminatory legislature, and no amount of combing the documents got him an instance of trying to actually communicate with the ghosts in question. “These 2 are conservatives, I’d bet money on it. I need to talk to someone who’s actually interacted with a ghost beyond shooting at them and trying to suck them into a soup can.”

Spinning in his desk chair, Wes wracked his brain for anyone that fit that description before springing to his feet and running to his father’s room. “Dad! You said a few months ago that you had wishes a a fountain for a million bucks and some kid picked you up when green smoke came out of it, right?”

Walter Weston looked up from his 7,000 piece jigsaw puzzle to stare at his youngest son for a long moment, shock and a hint of understandable irritation painting his features. With a sigh, he stepped back from the table and put a hand on his hip. “Yes, Wes, I did have an… odd experience that day.”

“Did the guy have white hair, a black and white suit on, and glow? About this tall, echoey voice?”

Walter looked to the side, thinking, and nodded. “Yes, he did. Why do you ask?”

“I’m pretty sure I saw the same guy tonight at the game.” Walter’s eyes went wide and he tensed up a bit, turning Wes around to check him over for injuries when the teen walked into the room proper, gesticulating. “A giant green dog barked at us, messed up Baxter’s shot, appeared from nowhere, and started running around the place – and everyone saw . Dad, I’m not the only one who saw it this time, the guy and the dog are real !”

“Are you hurt at all?” Wes scrunched up his nose in confusion and shook his head, and Walter sighed in relief.

“I ran, it jumped at the bleachers, I ran the other way and this dude flew outta the floor and complained at the thing about he isn’t ‘ghost animal control.’ Kwan and Dash have seen him before too.”

Walter took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he considered Wes’ words. He thought for as long as Wes would allow before another stream of words and quickly pinned one part of the nonsense by the wings. “Wes, do you believe that ghosts are real?”

Wes shrugged, pulling up his phone. “I mean, I’ll have to do some more research of my own since the Fentons’ ‘research’ is horrible and riddled with holes in all of their hypotheses but… maybe, I guess. It’s a possibility, and now it’s seeming a lot more plausible.”

Walter searched his son’s face for a long moment, a hand on his shoulder while Wes waited to pass whatever test he was being put through. Eventually, he pulled the teen into a tight hug and Wes returned it. “Just… promise me you’ll be careful with this ‘research’ you’re doing, ok? You have a tendency to get a bit too wrapped up in your theories, son.”

“I am the perfectly normal amount of focused about all of my projects ever, and do not have a hint of ADHD.” Wes nudged his dad and Walter rolled his eyes, pushing him out of the room. “I shall return with proof, Father, I know myself to be right!”

“You better not come back here as a ghost yourself. I want all my kids alive and well for as long as I am.”

Dash and Kwan decided to head to Dash’s house for the night, glad that the game was going to be redone next week since nobody was in the headspace to play around anymore. Kwan texted principal Ishiyama about it and slung an arm around Dash, who did the same. “Dude, what the fuck,” Kwan finally said and Dash nodded.

“The world made sense before highschool,” Dash said. “The closest thing to ghosts was Fenton’s eyes getting weirdly bright when he was mad.”

“I don’t remember that ever happening,” Kwan said, “but I also never looked at his eyes close enough to tell. When did you?” Kwan had on a sly little smirk and Dash rolled his eyes, shoving his friend.

“Shut up, man. I noticed when I was pinnin him against the lockers.”

“You do love to pin Fenton against any surface you can find, don’t you?”

“Are you implying something, Kwan?” Dash arched a brow, his cheeks hot and his scowl as cold as he could manage with his best friend. Kwan laughed and held up his hands in surrender.

“I’m just sayin, you don’t come up with a buncha nick names and hunt down and initiate as much contact with other geeks and nerds as you do Fenton. I know you’re a wrestler but nobody loves grappling that much.” Kwan dodged away from Dash’s shove and laughed. “Hey, he’s not exactly bad looking so I don’t blame you or anything if you’re so focused on him cause you don’t know how to express yourself to a guy.”

Dash’s face was burning a campfire and he struggled for words to respond to any of that, because now hardly felt like the time to confront his sexuality, right after they both nearly got mauled by a dog bigger than both of them. He huffed and glared at his best friend’s cheeky grin and opened his mouth. “Not bad looking huh? Are you bringin this up cause you’re jealous that I’m the one pinning him to a locker?” He hadn’t expected to say that but it was all too easy to follow up when Kwan scoffed and started blushing. “Or are you jealous that I’m giving him so much attention?”

Kwan blinked a few times and tilted his head to the side, his mouth opening and closing a couple times before he snorted. “Dash are you flirting with me? Did you just ask me out to not think about your crush on Fenton?” Kwan broke down into a fit of giggles and Dash sputtered, shaking his head.

“I do not have a crush on Fenton!”

“So you did just flirt with me?”I don’t have a crush on Fenton! Why the hell do you think this?”

“So you did ask me out just now. Wow, Dash, I didn’t think it’d be this soon in our lives, I was sure you’d have to have a dramatic coming out like in those telanovellas you love so much. Or have they softened your icy heart so that you can finally confess your love?” The two of them went down in the grass next to them, uncaring of who’s yard it was they were wrestling in, and in the end both of them were laughing their heads off.

Once the boys were done goofing off to spend all the nervous energy, Dash stood up and helped Kwan to his feet. Kwan sighed and gave Dash a light punch to the shoulder. “Seriously, dude, if Fenton’s got some sorta supernatural whatever going on, then I dunno if it’s enough to just stop messing with him.”

Dash rolled his eyes, continuing toward his house. “Oh please, what would the nerd even do?”

“Dude, he can turn himself and his clothes at minimum invisible. He could do so many horrible things to us if he wanted to just to get back at us for being dicks. Like, what would you do if you could turn invisible and someone’s been an ass to you since highschool started?”

“I’d’ve beat em up already for being an ass, Kwan. And I’m not an ass.”

“You’re a dick to Fenton,” Kwan pointed out. “I don’t think elbows are supposed to bend the way you make em to fit him in his locker.” Dash rolled his eyes and Kwan started counting on his fingers. “He could poison your food and you’d never know it was him; he could follow you home and grab a knife from the kitchen while you’re asleep and kill you, then plant the knife on your dad; he could-“

Dash covered Kwan’s mouth, his stomach turning as other scenarios where Fenton could do other things that he knew ghosts were supposed to be able to do – which didn’t matter because Fenton couldn’t be a ghost cause Dash had never been rough enough to kill the guy – ran through his mind. “Please, for the love of romance, stop watching so many horror things. That SCP shit you listen to is fucked up and I don’t need to hear it applied to real people.”

Kwan licked Dash’s hand, to their mutual disgust, and spat on the ground. “Dude, you wash your hands, right?”

“We were just rollin around in the grass, Kwan, shut up. Of course I do.”

“Fine, whatever. But seriously, I think you should apologize to Fenton. If not to get on friendly terms then at least to get off any list of targets he may have in case he gets or has more superpowers besides turning invisible.”

Dash felt himself burn up red for entirely different reasons than Kwan’s totally baseless teasing from earlier. He hated that Kwan sounded so serious, and he loathed the idea of actually apologizing for good ol fashioned fun, putting a nerd in his place. He clenched his fists, wishing he had something to punch besides Kwan’s sincerely worried face. “…Fine. I’ll think about it. Now can we go to my house and crash? I’m tired of thinkin about Fenton.”

“That’s a first.” Kwan laughed when Dash growled, and started running.

As it turned out, finding info on ghosts was insanely difficult if you weren’t going to the Fentons or some other crackpot that wholeheartedly agreed with them. Similarly, searching for a ghost on purpose with no more than his old camera didn’t exactly bode well for results, even if he’d gone through all the places that nigh impossible to find reports of the ghosts brawling had occurred. Wes wasn’t giving up on that, but until a ghost appeared of their own volition, he was SOL on that end of things. Which left him with one other mystery to explore: Fenton, Manson, and likely Foley as well.

Wes didn’t know much about them, having moved here with his dad and Kyle after their mom died and Easton was all alone in the house around the middle of the year. Asking around, it seemed very few people knew anything about Danny Fenton either. He spearheaded an astronomy club before march rolled around and he quit it, was apparently gone a whole week in the hospital at some point, and couldn’t handle fragile objects anymore because he kept dropping them. People joked that he had a nervous bladder that came and went because of his odd yet long bathroom breaks and had noticed every now and then he came in to school bruised up before Dash had even gotten a chance to be an asshole that day.

Manson was a goth, an activist, a vegan by a fancier name and, if Star’s small rant was anything to go by, a Not Like Other Girls jerk, though whether or not she was a jerk he’d leave up to his own judgement after meeting her. After all, he’d had to deal with avoiding people like Paulina at his last school, knew how rumors could spread around lies that just barely made enough sense for people to either believe them or pretend to believe them. Still, Star was the one with the info and Wes couldn’t exactly go to Paulina – she stationed herself too high on the sophomore social ladder for that. Whatever, more research was needed.

Foley wasn’t anything particularly special, a womanizing creep that all the girls hated for once hanging around the entrance to the girls’ locker room – immediately losing points with Wes. He did a lot of IT shit though so while he was hardly going to be Wes’ friend anytime soon, he wasn’t going to be made an enemy any sooner. Wes wasn’t dumb enough to ignore the possibility of the ai apocalypse. Other than being in the robotics club and being a furry that either didn’t know how or didn’t care to hide his furriness, there was nothing particularly remarkable about Foley as far as Wes could tell. Beyond, of course, being best friends with Danny Fenton.

By the time Wes got together these observations from asking other people about the trio of friends, some new artist had come out with an apparent hit song. He might’ve ignored the Ember fever if it didn’t also follow him home, Kyle and Easton blaring the song Remember by Ember in the kitchen. After that he didn’t really think much about the ghost mystery, drawn in to think about Ember and her amazing voice, and soon he was doing research on Ember Mclain rather than giant ghost dogs.

Wes blinked, then again, and looked around him in confusion. He was at a concert hall with no memory of how he’d gotten there, packed in like sardines with his brothers. Looking at the stage his jaw dropped and eyes went wide as saucers. Right there, next to Ember and Foley, was the guy his dad had described and who he’d seen at the game. Scrawny as all hell, wearing some black and white suit that seriously reminded Wes of the Fantastic Four, his eyes were glowing, even from Wes’ seat, and especially on the big screens.

Hardly one to let an opportunity like this pass him by, Wes pulled his camera up from where it hung around his neck and got to snapping pictures, zooming in with each one best he could before the guy could leave. Something silver - a thermos the screens showed - was pulled off his belt and Ember was sucked away in a blue beam of light. The ghost kid pulled Foley off stage, and Wes chained several swears together because he was too crammed into the irritated crowd to follow them. “I saw you, ghost kid. Now let’s see if I can find out who you are.”

[advancewarsdaysofruin]

Hello life update

Haven’t been on this site in years and I like posting life updates years after I leave a website. Not sure when my last posts were but I got major life updates, sometimes I still think of y’all.

Anyways:

I don’t go by Vince anymore but don’t mind being called Vince still. I don’t ID as a trans guy anymore. I’m agender now. He/they pronouns are good. She/her only if you think I’d be getting hatecrimed in public. I’m a boy in a girl way and I’m a girl in a boy way. Sometimes I’m both sometimes I’m neither.

1 year anniversary of me working full time in research. Turns out I hate research actually and am thinking of switching careers idk when but it will happen. Got a guy willing to help me out with it.

Went to therapy Aug 2021 and it’s been a journey. I stopped going not because I think I’m normal now but lol that shit cost money. Might go again bc for years I’ve been thinking whether or not I have ADHD or Autism or both.

Been learning Korean since 2020 but my 4th semester isn’t certain bc as it stands we probably don’t have enough people available to join the class. Kinda sucks man :/

Still in Overwatch/Splatoon brainrot mode lol this year I’m totally gonna get fucked up playing OW2/Sp3. Ya I still kept my shitty OCs as well as making new ones. I love Overwatch League and stan Houston Outlaws.

I don’t draw everyday anymore. In fact, I hardly draw at all. Sucks but what can you do. I might try to pick back up again.

Got my own (used) car.

Moved out of my folks place in Feb 2022. It’s been very good. Sure I have less spending money but my mental improved dramatically. I was in a really bad spot mentally living with them. 

Gave dating apps a shot and I’ve been on plenty of dates. Rn I’m seeing 3 guys with another one meant just to be casual. Idk if I wanna get married but if I did, it could very well be with one of these 3 guys. I got a thing for engineers apparently.

Met friends on these sort of apps too. Y’all heard of bumble bff?? Met some poggers people and I feel far less lonely in this city now. I basically have plans almost every weekend.

Got my Gaming PC built. I can finally play Overwatch and not mald (as much)

Found a love for badminton lol.

Twitter is: https://twitter.com/AdvanceWarsDS

[taehane]

ABOUT ME 🍰

ok so my name is tae or scott. either one works and I don’t have a preference !!

my main prns are it/she. I don’t mind they/them but it’s not preferred. I use neos but you’ll have to ask as my hoard is quite big. I also like he/him but like it/she are preferred

(☆^O^☆) || interests || : project sekai, stranger things, obey me, genshin, writing, art and character creation.

(☆^O^☆) || extras || : I am an irl of phone guy and kohane azusawa. There are more but I do not wish to share them.

I’m pansexual, aro-spec, ace-spec, polyamorous and genderfluid(?) not rlly sure as of rn.. I’m taken and yeah idk

I rlly like pink. I’m on of those ppl who hated pink as a kid and then grew up and now likes it..oops. I also rlly like red, blue, green and well basically every colour ..including all the pastels, they’re rlly cute :3

I’m an english and art nerd. I have a pet dog and also two cats!!

I’m a therian, furry, artist, writer and cosplayer!

I’m an autistic adhd’er. I use tone-tags and need them used around me. If you refuse to use them I will probably block you. I suspect I have other disorders but I prefer not to list them here. I am pro self diagnosis as I am self diagnosed autism and adhd. Self diagnosis with enough research IS valid and anyone who says it isn’t, DNI.

i am 13, so, obviously a minor. I do not engage in any sexual content here on tumblr and I kindly ask for nsft blogs to dni as this is for my safety. I also do not feel comfortable with anyone above the age of 18 interacting with me, again, this is for my safety. (Exceptions can be made about the age thing)

❌ dni : ableist, homophobic, racist, assholes, anti neos / xenos, furry haters, pedos,, idk man I’ll probably just block u if I feel uncomfortable.

[wyn-n-tonic]

Hello.

I hope this isn’t to personal. You can ignore it if it is, but I read your post about your diagnoses and…it…just really spoke to me. For a few years now I have suspected that am on the spectrum and the more I read about experiences like yours I get more and more convinced. I just….how did you go about bringing it up to your doctors? Did you have to go for testing to get the diagnosis? I’m really nervous to bring it up to my doctors. I am worried that they are gonna look at me like I am looking for attention or something. I am in my mid 30s and I’m afraid that they are going to question why I am bringing it up now. How can it be possible that I have lived 35 years and am just now bringing it up? The sad thing is that it’s affecting how I live my life and, if I am being honest, has affected my entire life. I feel isolated and alone. I want to grow these friendships that I am keeping at arms length.

hi, babes! this isn't something that i feel is too personal. i like to consider myself an open book for two reasons: 1) these things are just facts of my life, they happened or are happening and just speaking on them has no positive or negative connotations, they're just true. 2) if there's any small possibility that something i went through and my willingness to talk about it can help somebody else then i'm okay with living with pain or reliving it because it means others don't have to feel so alone.

this is a very long post so i am going to cut it.

so... bringing it up in your thirties is super not weird. especially if you are a woman (or AFAB). so much of our understanding of autism is still developing, it's still being researched, it's still being understood. and, like ADHD, it presents differently in girls than it does in boys and, well... healthcare is sexist. there's also still a lot of really fucked up biases that people have where they think of those with autism as being high support needs (otherwise known as low functionality but i fucking hate that term) because, again, they do not understand that it is on a spectrum.

and first of all, i want to say that self diagnosis is super valid and accepted within the autistic community. even if i said in that post that i don't feel like i am enough of anything to belong anywhere, i know that that statement is still true. i think that i'm closer to the end of the spectrum than either of my sisters but i'm still there and, really, how much is that just because i've learned to mask and tamp down who i am my whole life that now i don't really know how to get out of that? it's like when you pull funny faces as a kid and your mom tells you that your face will get stuck like that, you know? my mask feels pretty stuck.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID. bringing it up now is so important and not at all attention seeking. you're looking for answers and you deserve to have them no matter how old you are. it's your body, it's your health and it's your brain. you deserve to know the things about it. then you can consider support needs and apply that to your life. of course, you can just apply support needs to your personal life and home as it is but sometimes asking for reasonable accommodation at work requires the official diagnosis.

for me, i do not have an official diagnosis yet of autism. i got my diagnosis of ADHD (which i was diagnosed with as a kid but since i don't have access to those records, i had to redo it). it was three hours the first session, three hours the second and then one and a half hours the third and it cost me a lot of money because my insurance did not pay for as much as they said they would. please don't let that deter you, though, because my version of a lot of money in this instance came at a very financially hard point for me. my doctor was like, 'look, let's get your stable on the ADHD meds and then we can start discussing the possibility of autism and sending you for testing.' this man looked at me two months later at a check in appointment and was like, 'yeah, i don't even need to send you for testing right now, i am very comfortable with just telling you that you are autistic.' i have worked with multiple psychiatrists and mental health professionals, as well, who have randomly mentioned it to me in conversation before this which is what really got me interested in figuring this shit out. like on psychiatrist just looked at me while we were at lunch and went, 'you know you're autistic, right?' and then i've had another conversation where i was talking about how i interpret some thing in a social aspect and this therapist was like, 'oh, because of the autism right?'

i will, at some point, start picking apart the healthcare system so that i can be officially tested and have that official diagnosis. because, at the end of the day, having that official diagnosis is having protection for yourself. especially in the work place. i just don't have the money for it right now and have a surgery i need to be focusing on alongside paying down debt.

i started with a psychiatrist because i work in mental health and can kind of navigate my way around in my state regarding rules and where to go and it's still SO FUCKING HARD to understand. i'm unsure what state you're in (or if you're even in the US, i'm so sorry, i shouldn't assume) so it would be my advice to bring it up with your doctor first and foremost because they likely will have resources and referrals that they can make. in some states, it actually has to be your doctor who diagnoses you (never mind that psychiatrists legitimately went to medical school too or whatever, we have established that the government doesn't know shit about medicine). hopefully they will have those referrals and can be a better guide for you. if they don't, however, i would say make an appointment with a psychiatrist and let them know that you just want to look into all the possibilities to help you feel and be the best version of yourself that you can feel and be. and that's not always medicine (there is no medicine for autism), sometimes it's just having the fucking knowledge.

because my psychiatrist, when he started the evaluation, we were talking and i had to take all these questionnaires for all the different mental illnesses and he was shocked. he was like, 'you are lighting up all of these questionnaires. you are leaning positive for bipolar and for borderline, your anxiety is one of the worst scores i have ever seen and your depression is.... have you ever been hospitalized?' like... sir, do not even suggest a grippy sock vacation, i cannot afford it. and i told him that i don't mean to sound like a drug seeker, i'm just very self aware and i work in this industry and i've done a lot of thinking about this. but i've been in therapy for years now and it is very helpful but it isn't enough and i've been treating my depression for years as well and i'm on one of the highest dosages of my anti depressant and it barely scratches the surface of my suicidal ideation because, underneath everything, i still feel different and unwanted and like i'm not getting it. i can be smart all day, i know i'm not stupid, but i really don't know how to navigate a lot of life and it goes so far beyond social anxiety. which only told me that my anxiety and my depression were not my illnesses, they were my symptoms and treating just the symptoms does nothing to treat the root cause of it all. And for the first time in my life, a professional agreed with me not to get me to shut up and get out of his office but because he believed me.

he said, 'that makes sense to me. because i'm talking to you now and i don't think you truly have manic episodes that would suggest bipolar disorder. i think that you've been depressed for so long that nobody knows who the real O is, not even you. so when you feel good and 'manic' the way you're describing... that's actually how you're supposed to feel all the time.' he started me on Adderall and we actually increased my dosage at my last check in but i'm going to request going back down. because that first month on the adderall was perfect. my brain was quiet, there were no intrusive thoughts, i wasn't fidgeting to get through the day, i understood and listened to my hunger cues, i was losing weight healthily (for a girl who's had an eating disorder since she was five, that is a huge deal for me), i didn't bite my nails, i wrote 50k words in the month of August. and then we started discussing the autism. and the more we talked and the more reading he had me do and the more reading i did for myself not to mention the personal interactions i have with those on the spectrum that tells me so much about myself like.... it all just made sense of everything for me. like it hurts! it's wild how much it does hurt. i feel like nobody talks about the grief of later diagnosis as much. and grief is weird and you're allowed to cry and crying is okay. because this isn't a bad thing, it just sucks that you had to learn so late in life that you feel as though it's too late for you. i promise it's not because i have to have that hope for myself. it's just gonna take a bit but it's actually really freeing.

i hope any of that made sense or was helpful, friend. i will try to answer questions or if you wanna just talk, we always can. i'm not a licensed professional by any means and these diagnoses look so different for every body but i'm here to commiserate!

[welcome-to-green-hills]

Hi mystery ! I’m feeling a little sad because I started talking to my friends about Sonic. One said I have a problem and the other one doesn’t care. I don’t have a lot of friends and their opinion is important to me…I don’t want to be alone…

I am diagnosed with social anxiety, ocd and adhd, and I hate the feeling of someone thinking there is something wrong with me because that is how I feel most of the time. But I can’t help getting exited talking about it, sharing info and making drawings. How do I stop ?

I would like to hear your opinion because you are a nice person and very wise. Thank you and sorry if I made you uncomfortable with this ask. Hugs and love ❤️!

Hey, Buddy! 😊👋

You didn’t make me uncomfortable, I promise. I took a while to answer this because I wanted to make sure that I phrased my words right for your question. I’ll be honest with you—if they are your friends, then they would care about your opinions and interests as well. They don’t have to love it on the same level as you, but they could be compassionate enough to appreciate the love that you have for a series and interest. Friendship is not a one-sided relationship. The good thing about us being human is that we can have opinions. However, how opinions are shared with others can be hurtful. I don’t believe that friends should purposely push someone down for having specific likes and interests. I don’t think that it was very mature, nor considerate, of your friends to tell you that you have a problem for liking Sonic the Hedgehog.

I completely understand the aches and fears associated with social anxiety and neurodivergence. I, myself, have social anxiety and I am neurodivergent. I understand the feeling all too well where it feels like there’s always something “wrong” with me. What really saved me was being intelligent and focusing on my academics and research. It took a lot of time for me to love and appreciate the person that I am. A very long time. I’m here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with being neurodivergent, not at all. You’re charming the way that you are. I promise! ❤️✨

My advice to you is to branch out slowly from your social group and find other friends. I know that this sounds harsh, but it can be a benefit in the future. I’m not telling you to abandon them completely either, I’m only suggesting that it’s okay to have a wider range of friends that share specific topics of interest with you. For me, I chose to be alone for a while before making friends again. There is nothing wrong with being alone for a short amount of time. This quiet time could help you reflect upon what you hope to have in terms of your circle of friends. This isn’t you being picky, not at all! Think of this as developmental growth.This is you having some down time in finding out what would make your heart happy. This helped me a lot and it’s helped me make lifelong friends both here and in person. I’m not here to tell you what to do, I only wish to share my concern. You’re more than welcome to take my opinion to heart, or throw it out of the window. I don’t believe that this is a healthy relationship. It’s okay to want more in a relationship.

 I’m so sorry that your friends are not supportive of your likes and interests. Yes, we are more than welcome to not have the same interests in life, but the mature and compassionate response would to try an be interactive with another person’s interests, or find a common ground where friends can like something of the same topic together. I’m always up for talking about Sonic here if you’d like that outlet. Take a breather, it’s okay to want more. This does not make you a bad person at all. I promise. It’s okay to expand. I hope that this helps you with your question and concerns.

Stay safe, okay?

You matter.❤️✨