#i hate read mores so SUCK IT UP AND SCROLL PAST IF YOU DON'T CARE

[ihavethedreamies]

Cherry | Juicy Fruit | Haechan

Lee Donghyuck (Haechan - NCT Dream)

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: ~2.2k

Pairing: Haechan x AFAB!Reader

Genre: Reader-Insert, Smut, Established Relationship, Porn without Plot

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Swearing, Kissing, Oral (F! Receiving), Couch Sex, Unprotected Sex (Don’t!!)

Summary: It all started with a cherry stem…

Author's Note: This series was supposed to be of drabbles, but as you can see by the word count, that didn't happen.

This is only vaguely based off of Smoothie…I say this because I got the idea for a fruit theme, but past that its unrelated.

-> Series Hub <-

🍉 Mark 🍉

🍇 Renjun 🍇

🍌 Jeno 🍌

🍑 Jaemin 🍑

🍓 Chenle 🍓

🍍 Jisung 🍍

I am cross-posting this on Archive and Wattpad. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other sites. Happy reading!

"Do cherries come from the same trees as the flowers?" Your boyfriend was holding one of the red fruits by the stem. It spun back and forth in the air with prompting from his finger tips, another one being chewed in his mouth. You could hear the pit clacking against his teeth as he sucked it clean.

"I don't think so…" You wondered what prompted the question, only briefly glancing up from your phone at him. You were sitting at your kitchen table to eat. You had been looking over the different delivery menus, spread across the surface and you were scrolling through your phone to see who was open. Not only was it past normal meal hours, which was normally not too much of an issue, it was some kind of political holiday that only old people cared about. The only problem was that most of the people that would make the food you wanted were said old people. It was also more of something for families, not young couples who did a lot of the baby-making practice but with not desired end product.

"Okay, this place is only open for fifteen more minutes so they're out." You took the noodle menu off the table, placing it on the discard stack.

"Anything else look good or do we need to go to the convenience store?" You asked and when he didn't reply, you slammed your hand down to get his attention. He startled and his wide eyes were really very cute, but you would never admit it out loud, even in private with just him. While you loved him to pieces, you were very reluctant to voice it. After trying to say he was annoying for so many years, you were loath to admit you didn't hate him. You never did, you were just in denial about how much you liked him despite your harsh words. He saw through it.

"Donghyuck!" You scolded and he blinked.

"What?" He emphasized the vowel, and you rolled your eyes. His shocked face softened to a smug grin as he watched you watch him put the next cherry in his mouth, the other pit still in his cheek. His tongue wrapped around the red orb as he took it between his lips, and you shook your head to pull your attention away. He huffed in amusement, you were such a tsundere.

"What are we having for supper? I only got snacks and stuff…" You poked the container holding the cherries. You had planned on eating out or getting delivery, but the stupid holiday interfered with your regular Saturday night plans.

"We could have each other." Donghyuck smirked, chewing the last bits of fruit off the pit before rolling the two around his open mouth playfully. He knew your eyes were not just on his face, but specifically his tongue. You swallowed hard and your eyebrows furrowed, mouth open to scold him again. He let the pits fall out of his mouth and onto the paper plate where the rest of them laid and his smug look turned bored.

"Idiot." You clicked your tongue, face pink, "I need actual food."

"Hm, you might, but I could just eat you?" He winked and your let out a disgusted grunt, getting up from the table and moving to leave the apartment and head down the street.

"(Y/N), wait!" He cooed at you, skipping to follow you. When you started to wiggle your foot to slip it into your sneaker, he kneeled down to tie his. You struggled to get the shoe on without untying it, so he leaned forward to help you get them on. The sweet gesture made your cheeks warm further, but you didn't say anything, so he helped you get the other on. He stood back up with a hop, still taller than you even though he was standing on the lowered part of the floor by the door.

"Ready, milady~?" He held his arm out for you to link with, but you just mumbled something and walked past him and out. Your boyfriend sighed dramatically but followed after you still. You always made up for your dismissive behavior after he railed you into the next morning, turning affectionate and playful. He continued to try and seduce you through the not subtle act of aegyo, and you kept shoving him away, especially as you walked down the road. Donghyuck held the door open for you as you entered the convenience store. The inside was just as dead as the streets, and it felt nearly surreal. You each shopped around a bit, and he got nearly twice as much food as you, and for some reason he felt the need to buy everything he could find that was cherry flavored.

"You know none of this stuff tastes like actual cherries, right?" you asked, watching him place the different candies and sweets down. The only thing you would actually consume was the cherry flavored cola he got as well.

"I know. That's what the actual cherries are for." He pointed out like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Not wanting to admit it even in your own head, the blank look he gave you was just as cute as everything else he did. It pissed you off a bit that he was so endearing. The tired cashier told you your price and your boyfriend had his card in the reader before you could even pull yours out. He took all of the bags as well and you opened the door for him that time.

"Did you need to buy all of that?" You grumbled, eyeing the five bags he was carrying.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Curiosity." He answered after donning a pondering look.

"Okay." You rolled your eyes, not caring enough to delve further into that line of questioning.

"Did you get everything cherry flavored?"

"Not everything…"

"What did you leave behind, cough syrup?"

"The condoms." He stated simply and you halted for a beat, then jogged to catch up.

"Why not?" You finally relented to ask. He tossed you a coy look, "they didn't have the right size." You halted a step but conceded his point and jogged to catch back up. When you finally got back to the apartment, he put the bags on the coffee table, and you grabbed your meal to heat it up in the microwave. As you plugged in the numbers, Hyuck came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle.

"What?" you asked flatly, and he whined pathetically, resting his cheek on the side of your head.

"Can't I hug my girlfriend?" You didn't reply to his question, so he took that as the go ahead to continue. As he smelled your food as it got done, he realized how famished he was and hurried to make his own. Some random variety show played on the TV while you both ate, he devoured twice as much food as you did in nearly half the time. Once you were both done and everything was cleaned up, he laid out all the cherry candies and snacks, as well as some real ones.

"We shall judge them for quality." He motioned broadly and you sat next to him at the coffee table. Hyuck was a bit surprised at how close you willingly sat, pressed to his side. You were warming up. You started to sort through them, pushing the ones you refused to try to the side.

"You need to have the full picture to make an informed decision." He told you with false condescension. He sniffed and picked up the first packet to rip it open. The fake cherry scent hit your nose and you sneered, reaching over the table to grab a real one. As you chewed, he started in on the candy and his face twisted, putting the bag down and grabbing a fruit himself. You pulled the pit from your mouth and set it on your napkin from supper and he did the same.

"Can you tie a knot with your tongue?" He held up one of the stems and you hummed.

"I don't know, I haven't tried." You took it from him, and he plucked another one off a cherry for himself.

"Let's see who can do it faster." He decided and you nodded in agreement and you both watched the other as you took the stems into your mouths. You focused hard, trying to maneuver the little piece with your tongue into the right configuration, but it was no use. When you almost choked on it, you pulled it out, nose crinkled.

"Nope." You turned to look at him and he stuck his tongue out at you, the tied stem resting on the surface

"How the heck!?" You grabbed the little stem from where it laid, looking it over.

"Want me to show you?" His tone had deepened, but you were too confused to register it.

"Yeah!" You turned to watch, not expecting his mouth to connect to yours. Your shocked inhalation allowed his tongue entry and you wanted to fight, but you also really didn't. Hyuck smirked into the kiss as you let out a tiny mewl, expertly twisting his tongue around yours. You moaned when he led you to straddle his lap, pushing the coffee table away with his foot. When you settled, his hands on your hips pushed you down, grinding your covered cunt over his hard cock. You whined, trying to pull back, but he held you still, sucking on your tongue so you couldn't easily pull back. He had a hard time not laughing when your entire body shuddered. Finally, he let you go, you leaned back, panting hard.

"Fucking hell-" Your fingers were clenching the fabric of his sweatshirt.

"I can do more than that~" He hummed playfully, and you blinked, "huh?" Your noise of question was followed by a yelp as he lifted you, setting you on the couch behind him, turning to he faced you. Another tug brought your butt to the edge of the cushion, and he took advantage of your surprise to yank your shorts and panties off without hinderance.

"H-Hyuck~!" You whimpered when he instantly brought his skillful tongue to your cunt, wriggling it inside, nose hitting your clit. You sighed shakily, legs twitching when he hummed, the vibration ringing through him to you.

"Wait-" You tried to get him to stop, extremely embarrassed at your position and feeling weird about how fast he was bringing you to climax. You shuddered again as his tongue left your core, stroking up through your folds to flick your clit. Your eyes were closed, so you didn't see his stupid grin right before he sucked on your clit hard. Hyuck's hands flew to your hips to hold them down as you came, helping you ride it out.

"Too bad I can't pop your cherry…" He mumbled, a little embarrassed at his stupid pun. You huffed in disbelief, having heard him perfectly fine even though he kind of hid it.

"Doesn't fucking matter, get inside me-" he had never heard you so impatient, but he was more than willing to abide. He removed your top as you helped him get rid of his own clothes, and your back barely hit the couch cushions before he was pressing into you. Even if you hadn't just came on his tongue, you were soaking wet, your gummy walls clenching desperately to his cock.

"Aw~ sweet girl~" He huffed in delight as your cunt quivered, getting used to the stretch and before you were fully acclimated, he started to move.

"Wait, Hyuck!" Your hands grabbed his shoulders. When he leaned over you move, he took your hands from him, holding them above your head with one of his. His lips hovered over yours, hips rolling slowly but hard, fat cock battering your back wall. You practically cried when he kissed you again, tongue reentering your mouth to capture yours. You were helpless under him, sanity quickly leaving between his cock in your cunt and his tongue down your throat. When air was getting a bit low, he finally removed his mouth from yours, moving it to your jaw and down the column of your throat. You whimpered with each thrust, getting steadily faster and harder as he sucked your skin. His goal was to make the hickeys are red as the cherries you both had been eating earlier.

"Hyuck, I~" You couldn't get the rest of your sentence out. His hand had let go of your wrists, both of them going to your waist so he could shift positions. He sat back up move, hiking your hips up to arch your back and after an extremely practiced and hard thrust, he chuckled as you came again. He groaned at the tight flutter of your walls and couldn't help but fall over the edge himself. You whimpered when he finally let your legs and hips relax, not pulling out of you yet. With a tired gaze, you watched him reach and grab a bottle you hadn't noticed before from the coffee table, barely within reach. He popped the cap on the red container, an equally red substance spilling out and dripping over your skin. You shivered at the cold, and he licked his lips.

"Hmm… cherry flavored (Y/N)~"

-> Series Hub <-

Master-Master List

NCT Master List

[eleganzadellarosa]

Business Before Pleasure

Part 1

💕 pairing: Cha Eun Woo x fem!reader, Cha Eun Woo x OC

✨ genres: Dark Romance, CEO!au, eventual smut

💕 summary: After losing your job, you pursue your dream of working as a secretary. What you thought would be a piece of cake, turns into more because your boss is a POS

✨ author’s note: This fic is based off of an IG pause game lol. This will be a multi part fic so I will upload them as I write. If you would like to be tagged when I upload, please leave a comment! This first part is short but I hope the following parts will be over 2K words. Thank you for reading and enjoy your day <3 P.S the pictures I'll be using for this are not what the character looks like, just as reference to their style or personality.

💕 word count: 2.26K

To say you hated your job was an understatement. You had been working as an at home event planner, only visiting the office for important meetings or to meet with certain clients. It's been 3 years since you started working for the company and to think you bared through the stress for this long should be counted as an achievement. Truthfully you stayed for the pay. Yes it wasn't amazing but it paid your bills and anything else necessary so it slightly outweighed the cons. Tonight however, you regretted your tenacity with how the woman on the other end was yelling at you. She complained and complained about how her entire event was ruined because of a simple mistake that wasn't even on the company’s part but she felt the need to be compensated.

"Yes ma'am, I understand the problem you're having and I'm doing my best to help you. However, I am only able to do that if you stop yelling."

That only seemed to fuel her anger more and she blurted some obscenities before hanging up on you. You rolled your eyes and looked over at the time. It was already 9:45 pm aka 45 minutes past your time to get off. You sucked your teeth and quickly clocked out before shutting down your computer and standing to stretch your legs. Punctuality was one of your biggest traits, especially when it came to your meals but with you staying over time, you had no energy to stand and make yourself dinner. Takeout was your best bet now and as you scrolled through the many options available, an email notification pops up on your screen. You cringed when you saw it was from your boss and already knew why he bothered emailing you so late.

He was an asshole to say the least. He always treated his employees like crap and would penalize them whenever they worked overtime. He especially seemed to hate you for some reason and you were never really sure why. You open the email and read its contents, predicting what you would see, only to be utterly shocked.

Dear Ms. Meng,

I am regretfully emailing you to inform you that due to complaints and interactions with your client tonight, we will unfortunately have to terminate your contract with us. At this time we are unable to reconsider this decision. We hope that you will succeed in your future endeavors.

Best Regards,

A.P Wilson

This could NOT be happening, especially after you took the time out to try and help her as best as you could with an issue that wasn't even your fault. You never received client complaints, so she would be the first and apparently last. You immediately scrolled through your contacts and selected your boss' number and gave him a call.

"Ah Ms. Meng I expected you to call. Unfortunately as I said in my email, the decision is not up for discussion."

"Mr. Wilson" you put on your best fake smile even though he couldn't see it on the other end of the call. "Would you care to inform me how one complaint from a client lead to my termination? Don't you think that's a bit much?"

"A bit much? You were 45 minutes over time with a client you weren't even being considerate to. She said you yelled at her and didn't help her at all. What am I, as a good boss, supposed to take from that?"

"I don't know, maybe ask your employee first before you just let them go? But I forgot, you have your head so far up your ass that you are so busy worrying about paying your employees extra for overtime that you didn't notice that she tried to get a full refund and then some for an issue that wasn't even our faults! Fuck you and fuck this company!"

You didn't even bother to hear what else he had to say and hung up. This job was never really worth it and maybe now you could get an office job that you actually preferred with a boss that you actually liked, no matter how hard those are to come by. You sat on your bed with your brows furrowed and tossed your phone to the other end. You were pissed and now you didn't even want dinner.

Flopping onto your stomach at the other end of your bed, you picked up your phone and immediately typed in a job searching website. Office jobs were common and shouldn't be that hard to find, yet after scrolling through almost 20 pages and finding nothing, you ended your search early. It was only the first day and unemployment should process quickly so you had a few months before you were flat broke. Surrendering to the growling in your stomach, you settle on some tacos for the night.

There was no point in sitting at home sulking when you could be enjoying your unintentional vacation. You never had much time for your friends before, so now was best to call them up to hang out. It was a unanimous decision on meeting at a cafe to chat and have some decent coffee.

"Hey girly!" your best friend Priya called out to you, wrapping an arm around you as she approached. "This is great, finally some time to yourself and time for me!"

Priya has been your best friend since high school. She was your ride or die, there for you whenever you needed her. She was on the much more outgoing side personality wise, but you liked that about her, it helped you get out of your comfort zone. To say this friendship was a blessing would be a severe understatement. You were grateful for her and so was she for you.

"How are you handling everything?"

"I'm doing great actually. I'm going to take this as a sign to go for what I really want." You push the door open for her and allow her to walk in.

"Optimistic as always. We love a consistent girl like you Faye."

A few minutes later, two more friends, Liz and Ada, popped into the cafe and happily rushed over to where you and Priya sat. You slid over to make space on your end of the booth for Ada to fit.

"Someone must have sold their soul to get this girl out." Ada says, bumping her shoulder against yours.

"Haha no, I actually got fired."

The whole table spent about 10 minutes cursing out your boss and praising how much of a good worker you were. As much as you hated how everything was handled, you were telling the truth when you said you were fine.

"Actually, one of my friends from college works at this business and they're looking for a new secretary. If you want, I can hook you up with all the info." Liz interrupts the "boss bashing" and you focus solely on what she has to say. "And I heard the boss is super hot."

You laughed and shook your head. She was always trying to be the matchmaker of the group and almost always ended up failing. You appreciated her efforts though, you haven't had a boyfriend or any love interests since highschool. Boys weren't really on your mind since you broke up with your last one, he was just like every other douchebag guy you knew of.

"Actually Liz, I'm going to have to take you up on that offer. Can you ask your friend if she minds that I have her number? I want to ask her about a few things before I apply."

She quickly nodded and immediately got to typing on her phone.

This was it. Your dream job coming true before your eyes and you didn't know how to handle the happiness. It checked off all the marks you wanted and then some. Sure there were a few things you didn't like about the job but nevertheless, it was what you wanted and you didn't let the chance pass you by.

Today your interview was scheduled for "noon sharp" as the secretary informed you just a few days before. You were all about great first impressions, so you made sure to be here 15 minutes early.

The building was huge and slightly overwhelming. You walked through the revolving doors that lead to the large space. It made you feel important and like the characters you would see on dramas that scanned their key cards to get past the turnstile gates.

There was a middle aged fair skinned woman sitting at a large desk on which the words "information" was read, with a phone between her face and shoulder.

"Hello, can I help you?" She looks at you with a bubbly smile, teeth pearly white.

"Yes, I have an interview with EWX"

"Oh yes, they're expecting you. Take this elevator on the left and go to the 4th floor."

You silently thanked her and waved goodbye as she took another call. The more the elevator ascended, the more your anxiety rose. It's been years since you were last on an interview and you suddenly felt like you left all your experience and skills with your old job. The elevator dinged when it reached the 4th floor and the two doors opened. There was another woman at the front desk on this floor and she smiled when she saw you.

"You must be Faye, here for the interview?"

"I am! Do I need to sign in?"

"Not at all, go ahead and take a seat and they'll be out here shortly."

You sat in the small waiting area for about 5 minutes before you heard someone call your name. When you turned around and looked, there was a girl, seemingly around your age looking over the front desk to see where you sat. Admittedly you were short, but she looked past you as if expecting to see someone a bit older.

"Oh, you're Faye?"

"Yes, I am." You chuckled and put your hand out to shake hers.

She sneered and hesitated to shake your hand. "Wonderful.” She says, sarcasm heavily laced in her voice “Right this way."

You didn't want to think negatively about her behavior but there was only one way to assess it. That's not what you were here for though and you wouldn't let it affect your professionalism. When you entered the interview room, there were two other people there; a man and another woman.

The interview went well. They asked you about yourself, your work history and how you found out about this position. They appeared to be pleased with your answers and said they would be contacting you within the next few days.

The first girl you met eventually introduced herself as Ashley and walked you back out to the waiting room.

"Don't get your hopes up, the boss doesn't really like people like you and most people don't last long."

You looked at her as you pressed the button for the elevator. "Do you mind elaborating on 'people like me'?" She was leaving a bad taste in your mouth but you gave her one last chance to turn it around.

"You know, extremely bubbly, overzealous. Just stop trying so hard and maybe you'll have a chance."

You wanted to roll your eyes. She obviously either has a crush on this man or secretly fucks him and thinks she's better than everyone else, but you bet money it was the former. "Well Ashley, I guess we'll just have to see if the boss wants 'someone like me' to be a breath of fresh air after dealing with someone like you." The elevator opened as you finished your sentence and you stepped in. "Have a great day!"

It's been 3 days since you last spoke with them and the weekend was quickly approaching. It was only your first interview so you knew not to put all your eggs in one basket, but you really wanted for it to work out.

You stood at the stove, phone propped up against your toaster as you made yourself a quick lunch. "I'm so excited to hear back from them whether they want me or not."

"I'm glad you're looking on the bright side and not letting it get you down." Ada praises your optimism and confidence.

"Same and for not letting that jealous bitch get to your head." Priya added.

"I'm sorry if they say no, I'm going to feel like it's my fault for even mentioning it." You looked over and saw a pout on Liz's face.

"Aww Lizzie, don't feel that way. I'm actually so much more eager about finding this type of work so this interview was a big step."

Just then, a number you don't have saved rings your line and you quickly put your friends on hold to answer it.

"Yes, is this Ms. Meng?"

"Yes, speaking!"

"Oh great, this is Sabrina with EWX, I was just letting you know that we would like to offer you the position. Are you still interested?"

"That would be wonderful!"

"Great! We would love for you to come in this Monday to get a fresh start and learn the ropes. Is that too sudden?"

"Not at all! Thank you again for this opportunity and I will see you all Monday!"

"Wonderful, it was a pleasure speaking with you Ms. Meng and we'll see you Monday!"

You quickly switched back over to the group call with your friends and they immediately knew of the great news with the huge smile you wore. They all screamed, clapped and congratulated you.

You never expected to get over this big hump so quickly but you were no less than grateful. This was big for you and you couldn't wait to see what your new job had in store.

[kimium]

for the choose violence ask game: 9, 10, and 25!

(From this ask HERE)

Thank you for the ask, friend!!! Super excited to answer these!!!

9. Worst part of canon

The worst part is when you see a creator/writer absolutely fumble with the story or characters. The amount of wasted potential I've seen in stories is truly a tragedy. For example, the one I will not stop being truly upset over is the wasted potential in both story and characters in Naruto. Absolutely a travesty.

10. Worst part of fanon

The worst part of fanon is the "ship policing" people seem to think they're "entitled" to do. I hate when people get upset over a ship for ANY reason. First, they're fictional characters, get over yourself no one is getting hurt if someone likes something like Bakudeku over Kiribaku.

Next, characters are story telling devices!!! This means a ship can be whatever the hell it needs to be in order to tell a good story/develop the themes/set up character development (good or bad). If a ship is "toxic" it's fine! They're NOT REAL PEOPLE! They're not being toxic to anyone IRL. It's all there as an element in a fictional story!

So if someone enjoys exploring darker story telling elements such as codependency or whatever that's fine! If darker story elements bother you then don't fucking read/watch it! Grow up! Learn how to avoid what bothers you and let others enjoy the ships they want! The block/tag filters exist for a reason.

And even if you see what bothers you in the wild just walk away!!! Exit out of it! Scroll past! Stay in your own lane!

25. Common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"But the ship/characters aren't gay so it sucks".

Listen. I get some of where that's coming from. I'm bisexual. We've been doused, no drowned in straight ships in media since day ONE. We want more diversity in relationships shown in media. We also want it shown in a variety of ways.

However... taking the stance of "If it isn't gay it's a bad ship/character" is reinforcing the dichotomy you claim to hate so much. It's just in the opposite direction but it doesn't mean it isn't the same at the core.

Look, what you truly hate is how contrived straight ships can be. You hate that media and people in general seem to think that a guy and girl cannot be friends. You hate that a male and female character look at one another weirdly and the show makes them a couple without proper development. And somehow we're supposed to accept it.

You hate that both characters have the dynamic of wet cardboard and Styrofoam yet the "male best friend" to the male lead has a rich, well developed dynamic with him.

That's fine to feel. Accept these feelings and move on to realize that there are some wonderful, well developed straight ships out there. I'm not asking you to like/want to watch or read them. What I am asking is you at least stop shitting on people who like some straight ships in the media they enjoy.

Please realize that everyone's sexuality and gender is different and that we want to experience media in different ways. Someone may look at a straight ship and like it because they're bi/pan. Someone may look at it and like it because they view a character as trans. Someone may like it because they feel the one or both characters are on the asexual/aroace spectrum.

And some, -gasp- may like it because they are in fact straight which is not some heinous crime of the Century as some of you seem to make it out to be.

Or maybe someone enjoys the character's dynamic because it's well written? They don't care if it's platonic or not they just like the interactions? That's super valid.

To wrap this up what I'm saying is please stop using "are the characters/ship gay"? as the only metric to determine if something is "good" or not. That is all.

[wraenata]

You seem to put a lot of energy into being considerate of others. I'm thankful for it but like, how? I hope you're taking care of yourself.

Hi anon! Thank you very much, I really appreciate this.

I really like being considerate of others, in fact it makes me happy. When I see someone having a down day, I just want them to know that someone saw, and wants things to get better for them. Because that's how I really feel. I love all of you in my phone and I want you to be ok. And I like leaving nice tags for people on their art, because I know how much joy that can bring.

But, ugh, yeah. I'm not going to lie, it takes a lot of energy.

I think I'll put the rest under the cut...

Ever since the months started getting warmer this year I've been having more trouble keeping up with my dash (I'm someone who needs to scroll through the whole thing). Before the wedding I was in and covid about a month ago, I was able to just barely keep up with my dash and also scrolling the rise tag. Because I didn't want to miss anything! I also was able to scroll through ao3 to see what new fics were posted and bookmark ones I wanted to read! I...haven't been able to do that anymore...and I hate it.

I'm so far behind on reading fanfics that I absolutely enjoy because I just don't have the energy for reading anything longer than 1k at a time right now. And I can't start any new ones until I catch up on the old ones. There are so many writing posts I came across on my dash that are stuck in draft jail until I have time and energy to read them. And quite a few art posts that I came across when I just didn't have time.

I try hard to keep up with my dash at work but I only have so much (extremely generous) time to do that. I'm often speed running tags when I don't have a lot of time or energy. And sometimes I can't express just how much I love your art because of that low time or energy. And I hate putting posts in drafts cause it piles up and gives me anxiety. And when I come home its just, dash, all night.

I am eternally grateful for @/teainthesnow, she keeps all the tmnt tagged posts coming onto my dash so I can still see them (if you see this tea I am so appreciative of all the work you do for the fandom, you are an amazing person and I love you/platonic).

I've already unfollowed a few blogs, and I agonized over it, for like weeks, before doing it. But it hasn't been enough. If you noticed I unfollowed you in the past 2 months, please know that it was nothing personal and I hated that I had to do it. I miss seeing your posts and how your day is going. We are mutuals in my heart forever.

In fact I wish I could follow so many more blogs but I have had to stop myself for a while now. And it really fucking sucks. I've tried filtering a bunch of tags to make it easier too but it's not enough.

The fact of the matter is, I need to unfollow more blogs. And I hate to do it. I know I need to do it. I've known for a while now. I don't have the energy to keep up with it anymore, not after getting covid. I'm just so tired. All the time.

If you see that I unfollow you at some point, again, I love you and we are mutuals in my heart forever. All of my followers are my mutuals. My askbox and messages are always open. You can always tag me in posts (and oh my I'm just remembering all the of tag games I haven't had time to do) I just can't keep up with this anymore. I want to get back to reading fanfic and making the mountains of fanart I want to do for people.

I just, I love you all. But I'm so so tired. I really hope if anything comes out of this long ramble, its that I love you all. The rise fandom has given me so much and I want to return that love.

I'm sorry for the late response anon, and I'm sorry for turning your lovely ask into a bit of a vent. I've tried to put this off for as long as I could, but I just can't do it anymore.

I love you all though <3

[yuyuonabeat]

now you are doing the "girl boss" please that's hilarious 😂

"If you need to talk about YOUR insecurities and YOUR shit (which I really don’t give a fuck about) you can always talk to me. I’ll listen to you since it’s clear no one ever does. "

Let's analyze what you said:

"If you need to talk about YOUR insecurities and YOUR shit (which I really don’t give a fuck about)"

It's a little inconsistent don't you think baby? first you tell me to talk about my insecurities (which I don't go around telling people to justify myself) then you say you don't care? mh, choose though, you can't say one thing then go back on your own.

let's move on tho

" you can always talk to me. I’ll listen to you since it’s clear no one ever does. "

weren't you the one who's depressed? you want to unlive them self? o that was an another personality, cuz it's clear that you have more than one, sometimes you're like "I'm so sensitive about criticisms 😔🥺" then now I'm making you squirt? please get help cuz you're not ok

then, I'm so fucking proud that I'm not the only one sending you these messages.

we really should talk more privately, it would be so so so soooo funny to literally destroy you with my word.

-your fave hater

Babe it’s clear you can’t just scroll and ignore.

Baby the grammar sucks ass ngl.

Also copying and pasting my words?!? Damm I love the effort.

And another thing is. Did you not get that it’s fucking satire. It’s sarcastic love. Learn to analyze and then criticize. Haha try again. You’re still not quite there yet.

And yeah you’re absolutely right I’ll give you that.

I do have different moods. I was feeling depressed yesterday and today I woke up feeling great.

Can I not be human? Pretty sure humans get mood swings.

Also learn to use pronouns right cuz “girl boss��� babe I’m not even a girl. Again A for effort.

“Destroy you with my word” you mean “destroy you with my words/wording” it’s plural babes. Again learn how to properly write and then you can come and hate on me.

By the way, destroy what? Only thing you’re achieving here is making a fool of yourself by making me laugh.

Your hate (I’m not taking seriously) it’s just funny.

Guess what babe? You’re not bringing me down. And no I’m not acting tough. You’re just very hilarious.

Thanks for the show.

And yeah maybe you should talk to me privately. Text me the things you’re not willing to send cause you’re scared people will judge you.

I could care less. Only reason I keep on replying to you, well cuz it’s fun.

Maybe just move on and go hate on someone else.

Cuz you ain’t hurting no one here. The people that read my blog are also loving the spectacle you’re bringing us.

[girlbob-boypants]

1-21-25 for uh Guild Wars? or whatever you want

You know what yeah let's be violent about my beloved game. Oh okay this was a lot more than I expected uh lets put that under the cut

1. The character everyone gets wrong

You think I'd say my precious baby boy BUT its Caithe. She's an incredibly interesting character who is denied the actual on screen depth and arcs she needs. It's an interesting case where the people who hate her are missing the points and the people who stan her talk like she's actually given an arc instead of simply plopped into the story with a "she's better now." The key example being the fact that she doesn't show up in s4 until THE END OF EPISODE FOUR??? That's hardly her fault cause for whatever reason THATS when she's allowed to actually give a fuck about the daughter she loves so much that the moment that daughter cared about the fact that WE WERE BEING MURDERED she ignored Aurene for fuck knows how long?? And then admitting that is enough for them to ignore the psychic connection Aurene canonically has with the Commander so they can just. Set Caithe to post therapy with no real story. The people who hate her act like she's personally the cause of every single problem in the game and that setting her on fire and replacing her with a man will fix everything. Meanwhile the people who stan her claim her story was sooooo good and 100% justified and didn't fuck with things or have problems. She's a brilliant concept that post HoT is executed in a parking lot. And while her parts in EoD are perfectly fine and logical it's just...ugh. She's barely there and exists purely to limit Aurene's screentime with the Commander. Which sucks cause I love both of them.

21. Part of canon you think is overhyped

All of EoD. I am going to pick at a certain part, actually. Rama as a character and especially the entire story with the cop father he has was TRASH. Not as in it's a bad idea but in that it's so terribly done. The lack of build up, the fact that it's the ONLY RATIONAL PERSON WITH A PROBLEM WITH JOON'S MONOPOLY OF TECH who turns out to be King Fascist, the way they just don't explore Li's whole being Kurzick like Rama (or at least I think that's what was being implied? It was literally just Rama saying his Secret Name in front of us and then not addressing it). It all goes nowhere and means very little beyond the strike mission. Like no we aren't going to explore this corruption of the cops, we aren't going to discuss why the society of Cantha would cultivate a minority joining a supremacist group, and we're ESPECIALLY not going to explore Rama's feelings about it for longer than a minute or two. Didn't you know his entire story is that he has a crush on a cop? Don't ask for depth, don't ask why the only people who have an issue with forest polluting tech monopolies are fascists and ecofascists, and don't ask us to give Rama lines that aren't mcu zingers. Take what you get and go make really fucking questionable jokes mocking his hat without expecting more of the expac that brutally murdered Icebrood Saga and gave us CHAMPIONS.

Not too fond, really.

Also the beast races but that's not really controversial to say it's just true. But I hate the Kodan, Grawl, and Centaurs especially. Whoever wrote their parts in s2 and s3 should be hit with a bat and robbed.

25. Common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

This one I'm actually having trouble with rn. The obvious answer is character hate and, no, I don't mean character criticism. I mean things like 'i hate Trahearne cause he sucks his voice is annoying and he's overhyped' and the many, many death wishes. This feels like a cop out but I barely scroll the tag anymore cause the game is in a weird space in my heart so I only really engage with it as I see fit for myself. Which is mostly nostalgia tinted thoughts about past seasons and expacs but hey. Better than being a rage filled ball of spite and bad faith readings like I've been in the past with things I've fallen out of love with.

I'd also say I got tired of the weird relationship gw2 has with strikes and raids both from newbies AND vets alike? This game kinda sucks at making the endgame accessible for everyone and I'm vividly aware of that but vets complain that it's stale while gatekeeping to the point of intimidation and newbies all sit and stare at the training LFG without doing anything like these groups are a match made in hell and if anet just learned how to make something like the ff14 duty finder it'd probably be a lot easier but that would require work and admitting that having some kind of role system would make class and party designs easier.

[imperial-nuisance-rudje]

finally dragged my ass through 6.55

wuk lamat is a delight and she and erenville have a super fun dynamic, i love her a lot and if the game forces me to choose between not hanging out with her and being stuck with more g'raha i'm going to be fucking pissed

this gives me Any hope that dt will be better than 6.x up to this point has been, though i seriously hope the non-Krile scions have a much smaller role than they've been presented as having. i just don't care about most of the scions and besides the twins the only ones i do actively care about have been heavily sidelined or are minor characters, i want the focus to be on anyone else.

also let the twins get tall 2024

in conclusion,

god i love erenville

okay that wasn't actually the conclusion it's just the end of direct 6.55 story stuff bc i need to touch on something about responses to my crit across several platforms, most of this isn't about 6.55 at all so if you only cared about that you can scroll past

for a very slowly updating serial work, do not fucking tell people commenting on the current state of things to wait until it's finished. DT is going to take two fucking years minimum and it will be several months before even that releases, and even 8.0 might not begin to work with what was set up in 6.x, I am allowed to say that the current state of the work fucking sucks for something. It would be one thing if i was treating a clearly ongoing character arc as finished, but I always phrased my crit of 6.x as "this is clearly still ongoing, but I can see the likely trajectory for this character and I hate it".

And I do! Zero's endpoint was actively worse than I expected because not only is her arc boring to service a writing choice that sucks and exists purely as reference rn, it gave her a massive design downgrade when not being a funky monster lady for at least one full patch where she was a Character was already a downgrade in itself! Not to mention that the previous void quest characters were totally left out when it would be a perfect time to draw them into the msq, or how that entire storyline was yet another world-ending threat when it really didn't need to be more than Some Asshole causing local problems, not after the Endsinger! And all of this includes how the Zenos scenes/mentions added absolutely nothing to his character and very little for Zero (especially in english, where Fandaniel's necessary role in Zero's enslavement was glossed over even harder than elsewhere), it wasn't fanservice (most fans i know hated it bc they recognized it as what it was), it wasn't going to convince people who hated him to change their stance (they're never going to!!!), it existed entirely to waste time establishing things we already knew about him if we used our eyes and actually read his fucking lines. Even if they end up having him wash up naked on a Tural beach like fucking Gulliver Animal Crossing, that doesn't change that those scenes added jack and fucking shit except to make your WoL the dumbest motherfucker on Hydaelyn and completely erase anyone who had chosen the "I accept you" option in StB, like six-seven years ago when those scenes dropped. 6.x isn't as fucking dire as the Tsuyu arc, mostly because they were smart enough to not involve badly handling the topic of sexual assault and human trafficking this time, but that bar is literally underground. It still sucks, and I can only see enjoying it as a story if you're totally blinded by FF4 nostalgia. (And this isn't a case of me not knowing the references--I do know, and that's why I'm so annoyed! There were better ways to do any of this!)

[sinningarchive]

lilith, mephistopheles, belphigor, pythius -- also feel better 💕

ASK A GOD ABOUT THEIR DEMONS. / ACCEPTING. 

LILITH: WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST REBELLION AGAINST AUTHORITY? WHY DID YOU DO IT? 

immediately after claiming godhood, zeus expected him to bow. every other god did, however sarcastically or begrudgingly. he was king. they were not. in the end, zeus was supposed to have final word. his word is supposed to be law. 

dionysus did not bow. 

it sent olympus into an uproar almost instantly. ares immediately wanted to challenge zeus for the throne, claiming he would make anyone bow. athena tried to kill ares to kiss up to zeus, aphrodite immediately started whispering into other gods’ ears, trying to plan the downfall of them all, & so on. 

dionysus, a new god, pulsing with power & might, let this chaos insure for a minute. he was forgotten almost instantly when the fighting started, because they didn’t consider him a threat. after all, he’s a chaotic god. that fight, among so many loud & powerful beings, all brought on because of one simple no, that was intoxicating. 

the gods all ground to a halt when vines sprang from the floor & separated every god from each other, holding them, trapping them, leashing them like dogs & hovering them in the air. they all stared at the black eyed demon controlling it all. 

as for why? he had been living under nymphs his entire life thus far, & freedom had taken a hold of him already, pumping his veins with gushing gold. he had the world, & he wasn’t going to limit himself based on the idea that his father is superior just for being born first. he’s going to take what he wants, & that was the beginning. 

MEPHISTOPHELES: HAVE YOUR EVER HELPED A LOVED ONE DESTROY THEMSELVES? 

destruction comes with dionysus. it’s part of who he is. he destroys people daily: alcohol poisoning, drug addictions, overdoses, the people that are dead because of him. the list goes on. 

loved ones are more complicated. who he is makes most things complicated, but add in caring about someone, & it gets messier. many, many people that live in his house are drug addicts with almost no hope of recovering. he doesn’t get rid of their addiction, have healers fix their bodies, & help them live. he doesn’t. because it makes him stronger. it’s part of who he is. 

what sometimes troubles him, especially after the car wreck, is when he meets teenagers who are on the path to death from drug or alcohol addiction. the kids who can’t make it through the day without pills to make them function, the kids who will have a meltdown if they don’t shoot up every few hours, the kids who drown themselves as many nights as they can in a row. those are the people that pull at what little humanity is left in him. 

they’re usually the ones he helps. he weens them off, gives them ecstasy & freedom instead, gives them a taste of life instead of death. he doesn’t do it with every teenager he meets, because then that’s all he’d do with his time, but sometimes he does. it’s fairly rare. 

BELPHIGOR: IF YOU COULD PICK 3 FORMS TO SHAPESHIFT INTO, WHAT WOULD THEY BE? 

i’m going to answer this within the idea that dio does not need to shapeshift, & simply can if he wants to. 

he would definitely have a difficult time with this. leopards are the closest to his soul, so he would have to pick them as his first. snakes come in a close second, if he has to pick three. & a human form, for the third. he can’t do what he does as a cat or snake. he has to at least look human sometimes to do what he needs to so that he can thrive. 

the decision would kill a large part of him, however. dionysus is not meant to be very contained, & three options would be terrible on him. 

PYTHIUS: OUT OF ALL THE LIES YOU HAVE EVER TOLD, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE? 

probably when he fooled pentheus into believing he was not dionysus. he plainly lied to his face, then lead him to death by the women he claimed to rule over. dionysus got a specific pleasure out of seeing pentheus’ mother be part of his slaughter. 

[cyanide-latte]

Hey friends, mutuals and other fellow writers who are feeling down. Can I level with you for a second? Y'all deserve real and that's what I want to give you here.

Is this going to be an encouragement post? That's the intent. But I don't want it to be the usual affirmation. That's good and it's needed dgmw. But sometimes when you get into a funk about writing you don't want the usual affirmation and encouragement. So I'm going to just give you off-the-cuff and be as real as I can.

Sometimes...writing sucks. Both the act and the final piece. Same is true of any art form, I think: there's just times you'll churn out something that you end up hating or seeing nothing but flaws in what you've made. There's times where just the act of writing is the most awful feeling of an uphill climb, of forcing something that doesn't want to cooperate no matter how much effort you put into it. And there's also going to be time these things overlap or one begets the other.

And that also sucks. In your medium of choice (and yes, writing is an artistic medium, don't bother trying to fight me on that, I don't care how school may have conditioned you to regard it as a mechanical thing, it's art) one of the lowest, most awful and discouraging things is feeling like you're not good enough or skilled enough to hold the implement in your hands and create.

In tandem to that feeling come those thoughts. You know the ones. Every whisper of doubt, of questioning why you're doing this, of asking what the point is, of thinking that even if you make it that there's no point in sharing because someone, somewhere, is going to judge you for daring to put it out there (and more often than not that someone is lurking inside you, in that shadowy, gut-churning lake of self-doubt.)

So, why keep bothering then? What's the point?

I ask myself this semi-frequently. Sometimes there's nothing to spur the questions, sometimes it's a direct reaction to feeling like the few people I really want to read something I wrote just don't care or interact with it. It happens, and I hate it. I cannot stress enough how much I hate that doubt, as well as the worry I'm being childish for wanting interaction.

So why keep writing?

Well, if I've not lost you by now, hopefully what I have to say next won't completely make you scoff and scroll past.

Hope.

Well, hope and a time capsule effect, really.

The thing about hope is we often think of it as a sweet, almost passive and gentle thing, the act of lighting a little candle in a dark room. And hope can be that way; hope and compassion in tandem certainly are evocative of the sweet, kindly image.

But hope is also a very defiant act, and it can be downright aggressive. I don't really like talking about some of the crap I've lived through but here's the skinny on why I'm bringing this up:

Some time ago I found a disc with some very old files on it...including the PDF of all the chapters of a Teen Titans fanfic I was writing when I was 14. I'd started writing fic when I was around 11 or 12, but typically only shared them with a friend from school. At one point I felt bold enough to post a couple fics on FFNet, including that one. Looking over this old PDF, I didn't realize at first that it was mine, my writing was so drastically different to what it's since become. It took a specific couple of moments in the fic as I was reading for me to finally realize "wait, I wrote this!"

And you wanna hear something really wild? It was good! Not at all how I write now, not at all as well-researched as I would be today, but the writing was good, especially when you took into account I was 14 years old and didn't even have regular access to watching the show.

It was also unfinished.

Remember I mentioned a time capsule effect? Where it took me a long time to realize I was reading my own old fic I'd long since taken down, the understanding of why I had removed it and it was unfinished was immediate. Remember that friend I mentioned? Yeah. She was the reason. I'm not going to get into the messy details but suffice it to say that her behavior and treatment of me became abusive at one point and part of the way she kept control of me was to tear down my writing. Constantly. Not even just in online spaces but to my face. Someone who I'd been sharing my stories with for years, so of course I already trusted her judgment. It was a given, no matter how deeply she cut me.

I stopped writing for five years. Every time I tried, that voice of doubt sounded just like her. Dozens of WIPs, of lost ideas, ended up trashed and destroyed. I couldn't write worth shit, so what was the point, you know?

The day I sat down and had a fic idea at 19 years old, I need you to understand I'd not seen that person for a year...and I was still terrified to try and asking what the point even was. Every keystroke, every paragraph of that first chapter, the cutting reminder that I shouldn't even be bothering to try and I couldn't write worth a damn and nobody wanted to read my obviously stupid story anyway was right there, peeking over my shoulder and hissing at me in the dual voice of my own sullenness and her venom.

Writing the first chapter of that fanfic, and then the second, and posting them, I was wracked with anxiety, doubt, self-loathing, a sense of defeat and a deep sense of guilt. Several times I wanted to stop, and almost did.

But like I said, the hope that maybe, maybe, maybe that person and I and that dual voice were all wrong about my writing...that hope was defiant and aggressive. I was working on chapter 3, when I started to think of myself as a bulldog with a steak locked in its jaws that it refused to give up. (I only recently explained this to a friend who started writing and asked me how the heck I could keep at it.) Bulldog visual. Somewhere deep down on some level I couldn't quite tap into in my conscious thought, I did not want to let this steak go.

I posted chapter 3. And a small miracle happened: someone commented. That someone went on to become a dear friend. But it was like floodgates had opened. I gradually got more readers and commenters. Not many, maybe four regular readers total, and not all at once, but across them I started hearing something that, to me at that time, felt like a foreign sentiment. My writing was...good? People thought it was good. They liked it.

Little by little that bulldog gained ground. I kept writing. Not just that fic but I began writing others, and doing more experimental ideas with my writing. Readers came and went but the regulars who stuck around and even some of those who were only around for a while reaffirmed that my writing was good and/or that they enjoyed reading my stories. It still felt strange to hear that, even as much as I tried my best to soak in every compliment and kind word.

If that old Teen Titans unfinished fic PDF is a time capsule of a brighter, more innocent hope that got crushed, when I look at the fic that I started writing at 19 and everything that came after it for a while, I see a different time capsule. A rougher, more defiant hope full of tears and anxiety and doubt and guilt. I look at that fic and several others surrounding it and I'll again be real: I wince at a lot of it. The pacing, some of the plot choices I made, the lack of explanation I gave for some things. It's not a bad fic at all, especially for someone who hadn't written for five solid years and didn't think they could again. Still, I wince all the same because I know more now, I've improved a ton, circumstances have changed and the flaws in all my fics from about ages 19 to 25 are painfully glaring. But that person had hope and was clawing their way back. Little bulldog was gaining ground and not giving up that steak. Heck, not giving up several steaks. A lot of my readership by my mid-to-late 20s had begun to tell me that my writing wasn't just good and entertaining, it had some quality to it they looked forward to, something that even in the shortest and most self-indulgent pieces shone through and hooked them. It didn't just make me happy, it also made many others happy, and many, many of the people who stuck with me since I was 19 (and are still with me now) have talked with me about how much they've watched my writing grow over the years, through everything I've both posted or shared in private. Even the ones I've been reluctant to share or feel are bad.

So, now that I've wrapped up that bit and tucked away the mirror, where does that leave this post?

Usually, when we get in these writing slumps, there's probably external factors, sure. But I think I know pretty well it's that inner voice, the one that can be as ugly as it can sound reasonable, that will really look for a way to justify not wanting to write. Sometimes it's not even a completely cruel or self-harming thought process; often when we find ourselves frustrated or constantly dissatisfied with our work, it's because we're starting a new stage of artistic growth. Something in that artistic part of us is undergoing change, metamorphosis, in our approach to what we make, and if we cannot pinpoint what it is—be it certain techniques, use of devices, or even stylistic approach—it becomes easier to want to give up. Because those pieces we create in the "in-between" stages feel flawed or pointless or wrong somehow, and there is a sense of shame in wanting to share or feel proud of them.

I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. What we all need is different from person to person, and I'm not going to force you to parade writing you feel embarrassed about or ashamed by. I'm also not going to sit here and say any empty assurances that it's just doubt and you'll get through it, because I know what it feels like to be so deeply devoured by the sense of wanting to give up. What I am going to do is recommend you keep all those pieces, even if it's just to yourself. They're little time capsules, little facets of you at different periods in time. They're different things you're feeling, experiencing, thinking, all sown into innocuous little fragments of writing. I see and remember aspects of my past selves I'd long forgotten more clearly in a ficlet than I do in some photos my family took. Sometimes they're hidden little gems I learn from, eeeeeven if they occasionally make me wince.

And also yeah. Don't give up the hope that you are improving, that your writing has meaning, that you're connecting with others who enjoy what you make, that your growth is being tracked by people who can see it much clearer than you can and appreciate and encourage it. There is value. Don't give up on seeing that all your writing has value, all of it. Don't give up that hope. But don't think of it as a passive, gentle little thing that flickers here and there in the dark moments.

It's defiance, like that bulldog.

[dwangan-wonpwa]

here's a negative-leaning rant about saiouma, or more about the amount of content about it. read if you really want to (read more included, because i know it would be a pain in the ass to try to scroll and ignore a post like this)

(also tl;dr at the end... i should've pasted it here but uh-)

-🔎🎲-

i ship saiouma… sometimes. i used to love this pairing a lot, and it's what prompted me to love ouma more and more. but because of ouma being my favorite character, i decided to check out other pairings; from oumota, kiibouma, and oumeno, to irouma, oumami, and ougoku (side note: i can't really blame people for seeing this as problematic, but i truly don't believe it to be "toxic" or "abusive"). they're all really good ships which have my whole heart, so i focused on them more frequently, and took a break from saiouma. i even gave ouharu a shot, and yes, there's a lot of hate there, and i do prefer them to at least have a begrudging friendship, but like. it's interesting okay

of course, saiouma is the most popular ouma ship there is. seriously, it has around 4000 more works on ao3 than oumota, the second most popular. this is because it's the protag x antag ship, like komahina (which, holy shit, it has 5846 works on the sdr2 tag, while kuzupeko, the second most popular, has 987). so, being an ouma multi-shipper, who thinks saiouma is a decent ship but isn't that fixated about it anymore, seeing said ship pretty much everywhere? yeah, i was bound to get sick of it. well, not the pairing itself, mind you, but rather how oversaturated it was in my eyes.

it got to the point where, if i saw saiouma tagged in a fic, no matter how promising i thought the summary was, i would groan and try to motivate myself into reading it. like, if it had the same premise, but had a different ship/no ship at all, i would read it in a heartbeat. even if ouma was shipped with a character i had zero care about, then sure, i don't mind. (well, there certainly are exceptions, i have to admit)

yeah, that might sound a bit immature, but it's not like i won't read saiouma fics no matter what. it's just that oftentimes i simply can't gather the motivation to indulge in the pairing, if that makes sense. so it's a bit tiring when i keep seeing it when i really don't feel like it.

-🔎🎲-

there's also the thing with their dynamic. they're foils for truth and lies, yes, i can't deny that. but i feel like the main appeal of the ship is the fact that "saihara is a detective, and ouma is the personification of a mystery!"

…except, saihara kinda sucks at figuring ouma out? yeah, he can catch on to ouma's lies better than others, but if i remember correctly, that's only in the ftes/bonus modes. in the canon storyline, he couldn't realize that, hey, ouma is a liar, and his lying patterns tend to be quite complicated! that means he can lie about whether or not he's lying! but nope, let's just believe his claims to be the mastermind, because he's the only one cruel enough to manipulate a murder into happening without remorse, so there's no need to consider any other possibility besides the one he conveniently laid out for them. oh, not to mention the points that he makes occasionally, but they come from ouma, so there's no use to thinking about the validity of such statements.

saihara, you are an incredible detective, and you are the furthest thing to undeserving of your ultimate, but i don't think behavioral patterns are up your alley. i don't think saihara hates him, as he's more capable of tolerating him than most, but sometimes it's like he gets dumbed down for the sake of making ouma the antagonist.

(the saiouma fics i used to read had saihara getting flustered as a result of ouma's advances and "flirting," but in canon, he doesn't have much of a reaction to ouma's "my beloved" comments about him, at least, that's what i remember. i don't think "but the canon!" is a good reason for not shipping something, so this part is pretty minor, but i just had to point it out.)

-🔎🎲-

as i'm writing this, i realized: holy shit, when i first started to like ouma, i only got into saiouma because it was the most popular ouma ship. the only unique traits that charmed me about the pairing was saihara's ability to see through ouma's lies, and the sudden boldness he'd exhibit, but aside from that? i essentially treated the former as a blank canvas (sorry, saihara), only wanting some shippy ouma content. but after going through other pairings, those "unique" traits weren't so unique after all (a very good example is oumota. while yes, he trusts the notion he has of ouma, telling him he's a bad, untrustworthy person, he's still perceptive. this is shown by the way he's the only one who acknowledges the change in ouma's behavior in chapter 4. his boldness is also more prominent than saihara's, as well). how ironic that i'm starting to have a problem related with the ship because of the same thing that got me invested in the first place.

oh, but it's not like the aforementioned "detective and enigma" dynamic can't happen. we can be canon defiant and improve saihara's ability to understand and unravel ouma for the sake of bettering the ship. (ooh, and the methods of how he'll do so… fluctuating between analysis for ouma's lies and just spending time with him so that he'll open up at his own pace…)

so, it's not exactly a bland ship, but there are others that are more interesting to me, and deserve to have just as much popularity as saiouma does, in my opinion.

-🔎🎲-

tl;dr: in my opinion, saiouma's a decent ship, however, it's popularity is a bit undeserved when you take other pairings into account. i don't dislike it, but as someone who isn't that passionate about it, it annoys me how much content there is, while ships that i felt had equal amount of, if not more captivating dynamics weren't as popular due to the fact that saiouma was the protag x antag pairing.

[flightfoot]

(Previous asker) Believe it or not, I just got very lucky avoiding Adrien salt. I feel like most of it was written before I entered the fandom (early 2022) and I also tend to avoid anything tagged with ‘salt’. The two fics I read were just from scrolling ao3. They got me because they were not tagged with salt. They were just especially salty to Marinette. She seemed like more of a jerk in them, her flaws exaggerated and less likely to listen to reason. And yes, he seemed more like an aggrieved victim of her with much less empathy toward her.

Now I understand that there is history and there has been a lot more Adrien salt in the past. Not trying to say there is not. But my point was, coming in as a fandom newbie in 2022 and stumbling onto some of these strongly resentful fics was like that pizza delivery meme lol Especially without a salt tag. But I think a lot of these strong characterizations and intent to “fix” every characters flaw or punish them for it have become so commonplace in the fandom that it’s spilled outside of salt at this point.

It’s just saddening because Im kind of sore on searching ML ao3 after that. There may be a handful but that’s all it took- especially when I see so many posts and arguments echoing similar sentiments on YouTube/Reddit etc. It may have been different in the past but entering the fandom in 2022, it was much easier for me to find negative sentiments about Marinette in the fandom in general. I was surprised when I found Adrien salt was so huge. By the time I came along, he seemed like the fandom darling.

I’m not trying to make it a competition. I just hate that when I look for Adrien centered fic, I take the risk of finding fics that are quite salty at Marinette and vice versa. Both characters have their flaws but I don’t think either has messed up enough to deserve the level of fandom ire. And seeing how a lot of it has been reactive to other salt is just… kind of sad.

Oooh, when you were talking about not really seeing salt towards Adrien, I thought that you literally hadn't seen the fics like that pop up, not that you'd just avoided clicking on them because they were obviously not to your interest.

There IS a problem with the fics that get nasty towards Marinette not having their salt tagged. It usually takes a certain critical mass of salty bashing fics before tagging them appropriately becomes the norm, it's why you'll see a lot of early Chameleon fics with untagged salt. While fics that salt on Marinette are a thing, they haven't reached the level of critical mass necessary for the fanbase to basically demand that all of it is tagged as such.

It does also depend on how intense they are. Like I generally wouldn't count it as Marinette salt unless she was more intentionally being mean and didn't care about Chatdrien's feelings, rather than her being oblivious or misguided and just being ignorant to the effect she's having on her friend. So there is some wiggle room there.

Negative sentiments towards Marinette have always been around, I don't think they're much worse now than they've been previously - though they were worse during season 4, since well, one of the central plotlines had to do with her hurting her partner, even though it was unintentional on her part.

If you think Adrien's the fandom darling though, then I'm guessing that's due to where, exactly, you've ended up hanging out. There's still plenty of Adrien salt out there, it's just quarantined away from the rest of the fandom, as more of its own separate fandom. Marinette salt never got big enough to quarantine, so it's stayed as more of a general undercurrent in the wider fandom.

I don't blame you for being wary of searching around on AO3 after running into those saltfics, it sucks to feel like you have to be constantly be on guard when you just want fics that feature your favorite characters, because at any moment, they could turn nasty towards other characters you enjoy. I've had times when I had to have others vet fics before I could open them, because I was afraid that at any moment, they'd turn nasty towards the characters I love.

And I do agree, Adrien, Marinette, Alya... none of them deserve the level of nastiness and bile that sometimes gets thrown at them. They're all good-hearted kids who can make mistakes and who have flaws, but ultimately mean well, and don't want to hurt others. It feels awful to see any of them twisted to be intentionally malevolent towards their friends, and then have the author use that as justification to have the character the author likes strike back and hurt others in response.

[anapologethicc]

happy diwali💛💖 i let out my inner louis😌

those not wanting to read abt my feelings pls scroll to the bottom:)

i'm in bed and all diwali celebrations are finally over and i just spent like 15 minutes just sobbing in bed🙈 firstly because i don't think i've ever felt so happy and comfortable with myself as i did this diwali🥺🥰

i didn't need to wear a ghagra (long heavy skirts not that i hate them) or sth frilly or a fricking blouse of any sort. i got to wear clothes which were so so comfortable and so so gender affirming (idk if that's a term lmao). i've worn similar stuff before and never realized why i had felt so happy in them and i don't think i really understood how much this would mean to me and my gender to be wearing clothes that felt so ME.

i got to be whoever i wanted to be. i got a chance to embrace my own gender and i'm still cuddled up in bed sobbing at how wonderful i felt these past two days.😭😭😭💖💖💖

for once i wore sth for myself and dressed up for myself and MYSELF only. i didn't care that i got told i look too chubby or that my clothes were "boy" clothes or that i should've kept my hair long becuz short hair doesn't suit me or that short hair and traditional clothes don't go tgt (BITCH HAVE U SEEN HOW BOMB I LOOK?!?! HOTTEST NB LESBIAN IN TOWN!!😂 more like only lesbian in town lmfao)or judged for the fact that i changed nail polish colours so many times in like 2 days (i think my nails are abt to disintegrate)

i didn't fucking care this year because i was so happy to finally feel good in my skin (tpwk ref👅). i've always had so many issues with myself and with my mental health. it's taken me such a while to get to where i am and accept myself for the way i am.

i still struggle daily with my relationship with my body, my relationship with food, my relationship with painkillers, my relationship with my adhd my depression or my anxiety, my relationship with school with friends with family with myself. i wake up everyday and just try to grow and be a better person for myself to be someone worthy💕

i just wanted to take this moment to thank everyone for any and all interactions they may have directly or indirectly had with me🥺. becuz i don't really follow a lot of people nor am i good at making any new friends (i suck at it becuz ppl find my personality over the top cuz i'm loud and flamboyant and so fking talkative and i feel like i'm never enough :/) BUT i made a resolution this year that if i couldn't get myself to interact with real life people becuz i find ppl generally really fking annoying😂 that i'd at least finally try and make some online becuz i've been in this fandom and on this site for wayy too long now😌😌

i know i'm just some person in your phone you just made u read a rubbish emo essay all abt myself😂 but i just wanted to let you know that every single interaction has made me feel happy and validated and i just wanna say thank you for somedays being my reason to want to live to see another day🥺💖 thank you for creating a safe space for me knowingly or unknowingly and thank you for being absolutely fantastic human beings😚😚❤❤

i'm sending all the love❤, happiness😂, kindness🥰 and gender joy🥳 in the world that i possible have in me to every single one of you🥺💖

so here's to everyone who has talked to me, liked my tags or post i've made/rbed, rbed sth from me, tagged me in sth or answered/sent an ask💖 and whatever else we get up to on this hellsite😂💕

because every single one of you has made me smile on days i didn't wanna get out of bed or felt like absolute fucking shit🙈💕 i'm so so grateful and so so thankful and just so overwhelmed with love😭💖 i love you❤ (every single one of you)

so thank you my most wonderful mutuals🥺😚 @littlegenderbean emme💕 @quickpauseinconversations cande 💕@mamaharry eli💕 @littlespoongf mehar💕@grimmpitch moon💕 @louisandharry yuktha💕 @casuallycrruell arrow💕 @justmehernthemoon kaitlyn💕 @heartshaped-lou gio💕 @dorothyharry rachel💕 @1800louis sab💕 @swimmingleo leo💕 @holyshit kay💕 @ladychlo chay💕 @rainbowparadisebht kaw💕 @laurelier meg💕 @stylinsuns adheera💕 @softlouve debbie💕 (hopefully i got everyone's name right and didn't miss anyone😳)

for anyone who ever wants to talk /cry/ scream/ infodump to a non-stop oversharing chatterbox / human embodiment of an over excited puppy my dms are always open and i'm always ready to talk😂😂😚😚 you know where to find me!! HAPPY DIWALI💛💖

[munstysmind]

WHO IS HE? - Maddison - An Original Story

WARNING/S: none

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORK TO BE USED IN ANY CAPACITY

Divider by @firefly-graphics

MAIN MASTERLIST

MADDISON MASTERLIST

please let me know if you would like to be added to a tag list

To say she’s tired would be an understatement. Maddie had barely slept last night, she’s been on set since 6:30am and it’s just gone 2pm. That being said, she is ridiculously happy to be back.

The Supernatural set is one of her safe spaces, she never has to hide what's going on in her life there. Everyone genuinely cares and they always have each other's backs.

Slumping into her chair between takes she grabs her phone and starts scrolling through Twitter while the crew sets up the next scene, they're halfway through filming the second episode. She sees Jared's latest post and smiles.

She's so happy for him and Gen. She couldn't contain her excitement when he had first told her and almost knocked him over when she threw her arms around him.

She likes his post and continues to scroll, liking a few more, when she gets a message from Sebastian. He has been a pain in the ass ever since her date with Chris and today is no exception.

"Right, you guys ready?" Heather, one of Maddie's favourite AD's calls

"Yep, coming" she replies, tucking her phone into the side pocket of her chair before heading over to film.

*****

Its late. Dean and Ali are flicking stale peanuts across the kitchen while they drink.

"No Dean, you cant throw. You have to flick" Ali tells him after he throws one it the door into the hallway

"Since when?" he asks

"Since always"

"Who made that stupid rule?"

"You did"

"Sober me sucks"

Ali laughs at her brother and shakes her head

"Come on. Both at the same time" she says to him, handing him some more peanuts

"Oh, you're on" he tells her. He's determined to win. They both flick a peanut. Ali's goes further

"Ohhhh" she teases, pointing at Dean. She gets up and does a quick celebratory dance before sitting back down. Dean glares at her.

"You're a sore looser Dean" she tells him, taking another mouthful of her beer

"You cheated" he grumbles

"I did not"

"Yes, yes you did"

"You threw one!"

"And?"

"Technically you cheated"

"So you say. OK, best of three?"

"Fine, but I'm still going to win"

"Oh, we'll see about that"

They both line up and flick another peanut. One flies past Sam who is standing in the kitchen door way and the other hits him in the forehead. Dean and Ali freeze when they see him. They've just been busted.

"Why are you two doing" Sam asks, crossing his arms.

"Having fun" Ali tells him quietly. She hates getting in Sam's bad books

"You're making a mess is what you're doing" he tell her, clearly annoyed

"Shut up Sam" Dean tells him, grumpy that he's stopped their fun

"Dean, it's 2am" Sam says to his brother. He should have know this was Dean's idea

"And?" Dean replies, he doesn't know what the issue is

"Bed, both of you" Sam tells them they were headed to Jodie's in the morning and he wanted to get an early start.

"Come on" Dean complains, he was having fun

"I'm serious. Bed, now" Sam tells them again

"Arghh" Ali whines being the typical youngest child

"Any you're cleaning this mess up in the morning before we go" Sam informs them

"You suck" Dean states followed by a vigorous nod of agreement from Ali

"BED" Sam yells point towards their rooms. Dean and Ali both groan in defeat and start walking out the door in a huff

"I still won" Ali tells Dean

"Don't talk to me" he grumbles, making her laugh. Sam lets out a frustrated sigh and follows them back to bed.

*****

"CUT, you guys nailed it. Right, lets break for lunch" the director yells. Maddie goes to her chair and grabs her phone before heading over to her favourite place on set, catering. Seeing they have the Chicken Burgers she loves, she grabs two and heads for her trailer.

She knows she isn't needed back to film for at least an hour so she's going to take a nap. People know where to find her if she's needed. She’s just reached her trailer when she receives a message from Chris.

They've been messaging pretty much every day since she got back to Vancouver, with some phone and FaceTime calls mixed in when they have the time, which honestly isn't a lot.

They have Comic-Con this weekend and she's really looking forward to seeing him again. She hasn't seen him since that night at his place, the kiss. She misses him, which she finds kind of frustrating for some unknown reason. 

He truly hates Travis as much as everyone else does. After telling him what she’d been through, Chris had started to brainstorm with Sebastian ways they could make the bastard disappear. They made a game of it. Who could come up with the most sadistic way to make him suffer before ending him.

"So.... who is he?" Jensen asks, making her jump. She didn't even realise he was standing next to her, too focused on her conversation with Chris that she didn't hear him walk over.

"FUCK" she yells, her hand flying to her chest. Standing up, she glares at him as he laughs at her reaction.

"Well?" he says, waiting for an answer

"Well what?" she replies, she knows what he's doing

"There's a guy"

"Is there?"

"Mads, I'm not stupid"

"I never said you were"

"You know, I can just get Jared over here" he says, giving her a look she knows all too well. She throws her head back and silently curses him.

"FINE" she groans before pulling him into her trailer by the front of his shirt, closing the door behind her.

"Not a word"

"No"

"I'm serious Jens, not a fucking word, to anyone"

"OK, ok"

She sighs, running her hand over her face and looks at him. He knows her just as well as Sebastian does. She can never get anything past him no matter how much she tries.

"You're not wrong" she tells him quietly

"I know, you haven't exactly been subtle" he says with a huge grin on his face

"Please stop"

"I want to meet him. When can I meet him, can I meet him soon?"

"Why, so you can go all Dean on him?"

"Maybe"

"JENSEN!"

"Look Mads, you've been happier in the past few weeks than I've seen in a long time... even since before that night. I just want to meet the person who's responsible for that… and I want to let him know what I'll do to him if he ever hurts you"

"Arghhhhhhhhhh"

"I'm kidding.... kind of"

"You're impossible"

"I know"

She lets out a frustrated groan just as her phone rings. She puts it on speaker without even thinking, it was a bad a habit she has, one that’s about to bite her in the ass.

She hadn't even checked to see who was calling her before she answered it.

"Maddie, why did you tell your boyfriend to hit me, do realise how hard Evans hits?" Sebastian whines making her freeze on the spot, her eyes going wide. There's no way Jensen didn't hear that.

"WHAT?!" she hears from behind her. She’s so screwed.

"Seb I gotta go" she says quickly before hanging up on him.

"Maddison" Jensen says slowly, using what she calls his father voice. She scrunches up her face and mouths 'fuck' before she turns to face him.

"Chris Evans... Captain frickin' America. That's the guy?!"

"We've had one date"

"And you've been on the phone with him non stop since you got back. Oh I am so meeting him this weekend"

Maddie wishes the floor would just swallow her whole. She is going to kill Sebastian.

TAGLIST

@aussieez

@littleone65

[beann-e]

um wow , idk what to say i’m a bit flustered but i hope i say it right. I was only gone for a couple of days and this is what I come back to. 😮 Tysm guys I love you all thank you for taking the time out of your scrolls to even follow me >:’) So, I decided to follow through on my haikyu x police force idea and here it is a sneak peek! I hope you enjoy !

May 1 , 2021

-recording take one

" I am under oath to tell you that everything being said here today will be used to further the investigation against yourself. That being said If you choose to answer a question or provide a statement I will have no choice but to write it down to be processed and turned into someone of higher authority than me is that clear "

" i'd say that's a bit — well stupid to me saying yes when your the highest fish on the food chain no? "

" what else can I say except lucky you that everything you say won't be passed around and relayed much less having your words twisted by those listening "

" cute "

" i'd say same goes to you if you weren't chained up in front of me right now — I might've just asked you out on a date "

" i'm free friday at 10 — though it's in the morning so I pose the question— Would you like to sneak me from my court case baby I promise i’ll make it up to you "

" mm i'll think about it seeing as though i'm the one escorting you to your new cell anyways we might just have to have a uh a talk inside hmm"

" what no balls ? "

" sadly none —or at least physically seeing as though i'm a woman "

" I never would've guessed if it wasn't for the way that suit hugs your curves — your pretty full out huh you must be fun "

" i've gotten that before though people tend to say i’m a bit more fun elsewhere "

" aw you wound me you didn’t tell me I had competition babe “

" of course not your first in line in my eyes, it sucks that the ring on my finger says differently though "

" isn't that sweet I might just have to take you up on your offer "

" oh? didn't think you'd be so excited ,much less interested on being the first one on my list to be put in jail but, I guess i'll try my best to speed your trial up for you if that's what you want "

The rooms silence was heavy as the camera panned the room. Your fingers silently being clawed into the table as it drained all your anger from you.

Your shoe tapping against the floor with a slight grimace appearing on your face when you heard the buttons on the camera in front of you being pressed.

" what no slick comment ? " A heartfelt laugh moved to fill the once silent room as you watched small hands wrap around the camera and fix it to where it showed nothing but your upset face—fingertips slamming down one by one on the table

" don't you have a fucking job to do glasses "

" aw what happened no more flirty y/n ? "

"your an asshole— I don’t know why I expected much in the first place seeing as though you were trained under him "

" such a foul mouth — you do know this is going on your transcripts right ? " the eyes in front of you narrowing on you the voice only coming out in mock care for your situation " you wouldn't want the jury — much less the judge reading this when their deciding your sentence right ? "

Your fingers glided over the table and into a fist in front of you as your head went to look down at the table

" you've grown submissive so fast "

" I find it hard to believe you don't like that kind of thing fucking pervert "

" aw you wound me — but if I had to supply you with an answer to your question— I can imagine your dying to know since you've been flirting with a married woman this whole time "

" married? "

" I know your observant y/n you have to be " the next words making you breathe heavily " I mean the way you noticed your s/o was cheating before they could even notice themselves is just wow"

The click of the door being heard as a deep voice made its way in the room " Kiyoko your not allowed in here "

" I have just as much right to be in here as anyone else — "

" but I could’ve sworn I just said you don't — so again why the hell are you in here ? "

The room turning cold with the woman in front of you straightening herself up not wanting to go back and forth with the male in front of her but, at the same time not wanting to come across as small, being seen as a woman down here was hard much less having your own husband be relatively close to the one in charge " I came down here to test out inmate 4890 psyche"

" did anyone give you that kind of permission? that kind of clearance ? to even get down here in the first place ? "

" I mean their hidden underground so i'd say their the main event down here "

" you can't just come down here to see it whenever you see fit "

" but I was interested in the way it's mind works "

" what the hell am I an attraction at sea world? "

" your whatever the fuck I want you to be " your once strong eyes were met with brown ones that held your gaze almost testing you— daring you.

You seeing the hate swirl with annoyance meeting to radiate off of him. His face made up in a snarl as he finally turned his whole body to you.

Arms crossed across his chest eyes now lazily focused on you causing a chill to move through your spine. Youd never wanted to grow submissive to anyone and you never had not in all your years of living so why were you now?

Kiyokos eyes moving from between you to the male in front of her and back. Her body already telling you she knew something was off by the way you'd just been playful with her until you felt the energy shift by someone elses approach showing how easily your personality could changed.

Something was off and she was interested

" if necessary I can always stay and play mediato— "

" your ok " he smiled widely " we're fine together — down here "

your body shifted in the seat wrists being pulled back and down to the table by the chain in front of you when you heard his claim.

" y/n ' s good with that — their fine ive known them a long time I can speak for them — we’ve done this before countless times this isn't their first crime maybe one of this stature yes but "

" mhmm " the woman in front of you shook her head lightly before leaving the room your heart clenching tightly when you heard the door click closed

" I just wanna do my job and then i'll get out ok y/n " the fake sympathy in his voice shining through as he put down his clipboard on the table before standing behind the chair at the table across from you

" god " his voice was heavy as he spoke " it's like you get hotter and hotter everytime we see each other " his body moving around the small rectangular table " it's such a shame "

Your body tensing when you felt him nearing you only to keep going past you.

Body letting out a breath you didn't even know you were holding only to restore another one when you heard the click of the camera turning off and powering down.

Your eyes darting around the room to watch him out of the corner of them reaching up to turn off the corner camera that showed the police force what was happening in the room

Not that they would care seeing as though he was chief he could do anything he wanted to you and not have to tell anyone in his unit. It didn't help that you were a world renowned criminal now you'd fully fucked this up for yourself

" crazy how your fucked yourself over " his words only confirming the thought in your head " you were only into petty crimes before so I could barely get my hands on you i'd always have to pass you over to everyone else because no one of my status ever needed to intervene — though I would've loved to— just to feel the way your face would drop anytime I entered the room or to even feel the shift in your attitude like I felt earlier— holy fuck is that powerful and now look at you "

He laughed at your body that sat slumped in your chair trying to cover your face with the cuffs on the table " pathetically sitting in a room bawling your eyes out in front of me "

His words only feeling closer now as his breath hit your ear.

Heat from his mouth moving to your neck instantly causing you to scoot away only for him to grab the back of your neck " have you no respect for yourself "

You gritted your teeth together at his hold on you " I said have you no respect for yourself "

You bit at your lip trying to decide what to say you always wanted to spit a comeback at the male but right now was definitely not the time with his heavy hand on your neck moving slowly into your hair to grip tighter

"ah every single time we do this — it's almost even more pathetic than the droplets I keep seeing falling and landing on my perfect fucking table that I bought with company’s money— fuck their gonna cut my paycheck "

His hand tightening as he spoke again " one more time asshole " his voice held all the rudeness to it " have you no respect for yourself "

" y-"

The action was quick as he slammed your head hard into the table in front of you. your vision blurring before he sighed blood dripping from your forehead and leaking out of your nose onto your lips as it trembled slightly

" ugh I hate when this happens with you —- you always bleed so fucking easily " he huffed " I ask you something you answer learn something about respect for once in your life and maybe you'll take better care of yourself "

He scoffed " your so fucking pretty and yet you do things like this — you slut yourself out in my business and then turn around and get arrested god your such a fucking ditz "

your head being brought to meet the table once again as you whimpered tears mixing with your blood brain muddied and shut down by his actions

" i'm so tired — so so tired of sweeping everything you do under the rug— I mean you act like I can’t fucking see you y/n i run the whole fucking thing I don’t— I don’t understand you your just fucking stupid so so so stupid it just blinds me and throws me for a loop sometimes "

His voice was low almost as if he only wanted you to feel the weight of his words " and then you never even say fucking sorry " he pushed your head down again " i'm the fucking cleanup crew ,, the shitty bodyguard when you drag yourself in some mess ,, the contact list when you need a plug ,, the boss when you need a job i'm fucking tired y/n "

" I know I know and i'm— im so sorry really please i'm sorry "

you braced yourself for another push as he backed away the heavy hand leaving your neck as he peered down at your head that was still hovering over the table

" what the fuck do you want another bash ?What are you doing "

" no — no please no”

" then bring your head up — god you seriously take your role on as the youngest dont you " he sighed as he moved his hands to pinch at the bridge of his nose. Your eyes darting to the camera kiyoko left and feeling hope enter your body thinking of how she would see the whole scene that’s played out with the male in front of you

" your not staying here "

" what—what "

" you can't — I dont want you here— i’m outta this your not my responsibility anymore your 19 now so I don’t know what to say except get it to fucking gether — you stay here your never gonna go to jail you'd just stay in a confined room for moths — fuck i’m always getting dragged in this shit "

" how — what do I do — what am I gonna do "

" the hell do you mean ? what am I gonna do ? as if the shits not obvious your gonna do fucking nothing while everyone else does all the work for you again "

your voice grew quiet as he scoffed " that's what I thought god — one day i'm gonna get fired "

your eyes darted to the camera and back down " for what exactly "

his eyebrows creased as he stared at you eyes moving all around your face before he spoke ignoring your question " you got yourself in some real bad shit this time y/n "

" but it wasn't even my fau— "

" you don't say shit — you know it wasn't suppose to go down like that and when one goes down we go down together you swore it— that’s how you got our trust don’t fuck yourself over again or you’ll be down in hell by yourself "

" like what ? "

" don't fuck with me y/n "

he moved to grab his clipboard your body lifting when he walked off and forgot about the camera only to drop the clipboard to the floor with a loud clang and start using his shoe to tear the papers apart

" wh-what are you doing " your voice came out soft as your eyebrows creased

His body moving over to the table and throwing the camera youd just put all your hope into someone seeing what you went through being thrown to the ground and stepped on harshly with the heel of his shoes.

Though it wasn't broken broken it was unsalvageable and couldn't be fixed your eyes going wide unable to process anything before he walked to the door and opened it his hand coming up to cup around his mouth

" THEIR ATTACKING " he screamed your body trembling at the way the table shook along with it " calling all units anyone in the vicinity the inmate I am locked up with is having a tantrum of some kind and I do not think I can handle it alone "

Your heart broke as you watched the male in front of you turn back to look at you holding nothing but hate in his eyes " I ask that you help me remove the inmate and get them out of our station immediately "

Several people running in cleaning up the scene and taking pictures before someone uncuffed you and dragged you towards the tall male by the door.

" Chief where do you want em "

" I want em on the next bus to tokyo "

Your head swirling " wh— "

" everyone exit while I talk to the inmate quickly alerting them of their next adventure " everyone moving silently to follow his demands his eyes going directly to yours as everyone raced down the hallway and away from you two

" your going to tokyo — I can't fucking do this — "

" but what would I do there's no one "

" go see bokutou — at this point you've pissed me off I can't do much else for you just — go ask for a new life really " his voice came out in a short laugh at his ending words

" boku— "

" y/n I said i'm pissed off and done with you — you keep interfering with my job and honestly this murder charge was the last strike for me— your of age now I can’t get you outta this shit— so if you could just get a new identity and get the hell away from me id seriously appreciate it "

" daichi I "

" you don't say anything "

" your my — your my brother we’re suppose to be there for each other and you "

" i'm not your anything as of right now you prick " his voice was sharp and held meaning as he snapped at uou " not your brother — your friend — your back up call when you get into weird shit I — I wanted to be a nice police officer and move my way up to chief I wanted to have kids a — a family y/n " he scoffdd " not a shitty sibling who keeps using my job against me and has me pulling strings that shouldn't even exists "

" but "

" you see how I keep cutting you off it's because I don't want to hear you y/n — you annoy the fuck out of me so seriously " he moved his shoulder to glide through the doorframe and past you "just go do what you criminal assholes do and get a new identity and the fuck away from me as soon as possible I want nothing to do with you "

" sooooo thats how you ended up with me " the air in the new room shifted from confusing to happiness as the dual colored male in front of you screamed " THATS AWESOME YOU HAVE SUCH A BADASS BACK STORY "

He jumped up and covered his face dramatically before he spoke "twas a dark night when y/n changed their ways and gave birth to a criminal — a murdering criminal who came to the one and the only — bokuto koutaro the amazingily cool , strong , funny , king of connections — thus creating a beautiful friendship and a dark and powerful villian story "

He smiled at your beat and battered face youd received from your brother a day ago before he spoke again his hair drooping slightly " too much ? "

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

In 2019 I discovered kpop and bts. I really fell in love with jikook. Realllly. I had very important entrance exam in my dream University on July 16. I had shivers all over my body the morning I woke up, I was nervous so much I felt like I could throw up. So to distract myself I checked twitter and *BAM* next second Jimin published the video with JK, them showing hearts behind the stage of Japanese concert. I thought they are my lucky charms. I don’t have many people supporting me in my life so I very naively considered jikook as my support. I was soooo happy, I was receiving my paper exam with smile on my face (maybe I looked crazy to other poor kids lol). So the exam was success and I started my 1 year... Along the journey I became...it’s really embarrassing to say..like obsessed? I think Uni caused so much stress for me plus I was far from home, like kilometers away seeing my mum once-twice a year. So nobody controlled me and I just couldn’t stop scrolling through twitter, YouTube, instagtam consuming every content bts (mostly jikook) put out daily for like endless hours. I found unhealthy escapism from it. Now I’m on 3d year with 2 failed exams because I couldn’t concentrate and just study it properly... I mean when I study I end up in top10 in my class but for the past 1,5 year I just procrastinate watching silly kpop shows. I study design in architecture it’s difficult profession and I done nothing useful. I started to get really mad at kpop industry, I think they tricked me somehow lol. I am their best victim. Tho I perfectly understand that I can’t put blame on it but...I just can’t break that parasocial relationship. Therapy/psychological help in my country basically doesn’t exist and I can’t imagine myself going to one saying ..what?..I’m kpop addict? I need someone telling me that’s not okay. But you know I was a good girl I got so confused in the past seeing trolls hate comments. now I can see why someone would became one. Like these anti nasty accounts on twitter what is happening in their heads? It must be more miserable than my situation. But I think I know what they feel ..relief? Making somebody angry as you are makes them satisfied.

I love reading you. You sound educated and sophisticated. Please just say to me “go and study, Jul” I need to find any mili piece of motivation to study and quit fucking kpop. I just found that ironic that jikook was my lucky charm in 2019 but now I feel like they down falling me.

Go and study, Jul! And jikook, hey jikook??? you need to be held accountable for this anon's situation, come on!

Sorry, they're not hearing me. I guess they're busy with other stuff.

Look, it does sound like an addiction, not gonna lie. I mean, when you end up failing your exams because of K-Pop, that is a big sign that we have a problem. I'm not saying this to judge you because I understand what obsession looks like. Back when I was 16, I discovered that I really love movies. And not just the regular stuff that you see at the mall when you go with your friends, but the deep ones, the artsy ones. So I thought, fuck school, this is what I'm going to do. I need to do my homework fast so I can focus on my own stuff which is so much better. But I also knew that I need to have some limits, you know? And k-pop addiction is even worse and it gets to you, especially when you find yourself in a situation just like yourself and I also know a thing or two about that, but we're not getting into that. Thing is, it really sucks to be away from your family and if staying up at night watching kpop on youtube to make yourself feel better, then it's understandable.

But please think of your studies as well and don't miss your chances. Jikook are still going to be here anyway. Everything stays up on the internet.

Take care of yourself!