#i hate how he finds an opportunity to belittle my mom and mock her and never treat her as an equal at every turn

[harrowscore]

SO close to strangling my dad for what he's saying about berluconi... what a deeply ignorant little man he is at heart

[deyensee]

Winter

Weeeellllllll. Here we are again. Its always the wintertime. We should honestly propose renaming winter to “Suck-time” or “Everything is not good time” or “Time of the Bad Happenings”, but like, condensed into one easy to say word. “Sucky” Maybe? But really, I am starting to really not like winters. It is supposed to be a time of celebration and quiet beauty, of family and hot soups and fireplaces and a gentle love in the atmosphere. I don’t know, but I haven’t ever really had the pleasure of experiencing that. Its always something coming up or happening in winter, since I have been an adult, and I think I am just going to start preparing for it in summer now. Oh, you like your job? Well, you might not have it come winter. Financials looking pretty good? Say bye. Stable living situation? Nuh huh. This fall season began with a shitty landlord, and a nice little apartment that happened to call me its tenant. Since I had moved into the apartment in mid July, my landlord took every opportunity to ostracize, belittle or just be an asshole to me. When I first moved into the apartment, I thought I could have a cat, but I couldn’t, according to the landlord on both sides. Then, when I wanted an air conditioner, he was going to up my rent by 100 a month to compensate, which I didn’t want to do. I wanted to have my cat as the winter season was coming and I know it is shitty, so I registered my cat as an emotional support animal, to which my landlord responded by yelling at my door for 5 minutes, leaving a self help eviction notice, confronting me at my car and yelling at me, then later assaulting me. After his assault, I promptly moved out and had to stay with my mom and her boyfriend. It isn’t an ideal situation for anyone involved, but it is what it is. A week into staying with them, I overhear him complaining about me and how “this just doesn’t feel like our house anymore” and mocking me because I parked in the wrong spot. After some pushback from my mom on the subject, the situation was resolved. A few weeks later now, and I am considering joining the air force. The problem with that is that I am actively medicated with a diagnosis for ADHD. My medication helps me a decent amount as well. I was told in order to enlist I would have to be off of my medication for at least 3 consecutive months, then go through training for whatever job, then actually get into my job without medication. Also, getting medication after enlisted would probably be a struggle too. Medication takes my days from being unrewarding and akin to watching paint dry while listening to Baby by Justin Beiber on repeat for the entire day to a rewarding, motivated, emotionally sound and productive day. So being off medication for a bit is out of the question, and so is the Air Force as of right now. Now, my mom’s boyfriend stated that the reason his daughter (who is 17 and supposed to come visit every other week) isn’t coming over is because she feels uncomfortable that I am here. And there is no reason. I’m not a creep, I’m not an asshole. I have always tried to be friendly (and I thought we were friends). I get home, play games with friends at my desk and sleep on the couch, even though everyone has offered for me to sleep in her bed when she isn’t here, it doesn’t feel right to me, so I haven’t. So I was asked to look around and see if I can stay with anyone else. Honestly, at this point, I really don’t have a fucking clue what to do. It feels like every route I have taken has shit itself. I would enroll in school, but I need a place to stay while I go. I can’t stay in one spot for longer than a year, attempts to further myself have been shut down, and I just feel lost. I don’t really believe in a higher power that controls everything or that has a plan in motion for everything, but damn, if something like that did exist, it fucking hates me. Wanna settle down somewhere and go to school? fuck you. Wanna get your own apartment and find something to do? fuck you. Wanna join the military and have a career and a path? fuck you. Wanna stay at an inbetween place until you find an apartment? fuck you. What am I supposed to do? I apparently am not fit for this world, according to events that keep happening.