#i hate him and his stupid lasso | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

schrijverr · 1 year ago

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Jason’s Shitty Day

Jason gets arrested by Superman and Wonder Woman, while undercover as Red Hood in a criminal organization. Problem is that they don’t know he knows Batman and trying to get free only poses more problems. Especially when it’s Dick, not Bruce that comes to break him free.

This work is inspired by Undercover by InvalidStuff on AO3.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~~

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jason curses under his breath as he runs for his life through the streets of Metropolis. He can’t believe that this is how he’s going to die for the second time in his life; by the hands of the blue boy scout and his idol.

Okay, maybe he’s being a dramatic, like Bruce they try not to kill their villains, but unlike Bruce they don’t have a strict no killing policy backed up by trauma, so there is a gray area and Jason knows he’s made himself a prime target, being at the top of the Justice League wanted list and all.

Right now it seems ridiculous how he lorded that over the little demon spawn last time they all ate dinner together. The shrimp might not be an assassin anymore, but he still envies Jason’s notoriety all the same.

It’s one of the reasons he told B not to remove him, something he’s regretting now as he rounds a corner, nearly slamming into the building in his haste.

A part of him knows that running is useless, both Superman and Wonder Woman stumbled upon him in an attempt to dismantle the same organization he’s been involving himself in. They assumed him to be the ring leader, because of course they are one of the few members of the Justice League that are actually up to date on their wanted list.

Fucking fuck!

If this were Gotham, he would have had the upper hand, since he knows the terrain and both would be more cautious taking anyone down when Batman forbids metas in his city. However, here in Metropolis he’s more easily confused and the bright city doesn’t allow for him to slip out from under the sight of two of the most powerful people on earth.

So, he isn’t that surprised when Superman’s shadow falls over him, right as he rounds another corner where he comes face to face with Wonder Woman.

He skids to a halt and curses his luck again. His admiration of Wonder Woman never wore off and he’ll likely never live down the mortification of meeting her like this. Right now, he really hates that Bruce is a paranoid fucker, who never let any of his kids near the Justice League. He totally would have made a better impression as the starry-eyed fucker he used to be back as Robin.

However, instead he’s stuck between her and Superman and the only thing he can do is attempt to fight them. Great. B is going to owe him for this.

Jason lets out a roar and charges towards Wonder Woman, whose lasso makes him trip. It forces him to hit the deck and within seconds, Superman is on him, wrestling him to the ground. Of course Jason puts up a fight, never stopping his movements as he kicks and bites, even though that hurts him more.

He knows that Superman is stronger than him, but he also knows that he is stronger than an eel, yet the bastards are hard to catch. So he tries his hardest to impersonate an eel.

A part of him hopes that there are no cameras nearby, because if Barbara or Tim get wind of this, they will get that footage and it will haunt him for the rest of his fucking life. The great Red Hood, wiggling on the ground, being mortified in front of stupid Superman and amazing Wonder Woman and over crimes he didn’t even commit. It’s shameful.

But nothing to be done about that now.

Still, he tries to maintain a little of his reputation, by threateningly growling: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” when Superman reaches out to take off his helmet.

Superman’s hand stills and he cautiously asks: “Why not?”

“Because the explosives will blow and you can say bye bye to my head,” Jason answers, hoping that now that they’ve apprehended him, they’re not planning on killing him.

“What?” Superman chokes, as Wonder Woman demands: “Why would you do such a thing?”

“Pays to be cautious,” Jason shrugs as well as he can while being bound on the floor. And it is being cautious, nothing more. He’s not paranoid like B is, no matter what Dickhead says. When you’re a dead man walking, it’s better for people not to know.

Superman likely uses his X-ray vision, because he’s quiet for a second, before he gasps, his hands twitching. However, Jason has to give him very, very minor credits for swiftly moving on with his interrogation after learning that – though perhaps that’s because he isn’t likely to get blown up alongside Jason, should the bomb go off.

“Your helmet is led lined,” Superman comments, actually sounding a bit miffed about it.

Jason has to swallow a snort and just shrugs again, this time with a bit more little shit thrown in, as he repeats: “Pays to be cautious.”

Wonder Woman apparently has had enough, because she tightens the lasso around his feet, making it glow as she asks: “What are you doing here?”

“Working,” Jason spits out, having trained with Bruce about being able to answer with truths without giving anything away. He is glad for that training now, but he still can’t believe that he is interacting with Wonder Woman and it’s like this.

“What kind of working?”

“Worming my way to the top.”

“You’re not the leader?” Superman asks, sounding surprised. Jason already guessed that they assumed that, but rolls his eyes anyway. Who goes in without doing any research? Do they not know the importance of intelligence?

“No, does this look like Crime Alley to you?” he shoots back.

“So what are you doing here outside Gotham then?” Wonder Woman asks.

It’s a valid question. And a question Jason can use. He’s obliged to tell the truth, but that doesn’t mean the whole truth, so he answers: “Worrying Batman.”

That makes the two heroes pause as they look at each other then back at him, suddenly a little less certain.

Under the mask, Jason grins. He and B still aren’t on perfect terms, but he doesn’t see green anymore whenever they’re face to face and they’ve actually been working on their relationship, hence Jason being at family dinners and out here doing this infiltration mission for the old man.

However, that answer can also be interpreted as him creating chaos that Batman is worrying about, which would make it an issue they’d call him about.

They already might have anyway, since he’s a Gotham rogue and they know Batman likes to deal with those himself, even if they can fall under another hero’s jurisdiction by not being in Gotham. But they also might not have. So, by doing this, he’s implying that whatever he’s doing is linked back to Gotham, which makes it so they’ll have to call B.

Usually, Jason doesn’t want Bruce’s help. Ever. Not when it comes to professional things. He is his own vigilante now, he’s independent and has his own plans. Batman should ask before interfering and Jason is too old and their relationship too tattered for a father figure to help. So, he’d be spitting and screaming whenever the old man even tries.

This time isn’t the same, though. This time he’s in bigger trouble than he’s ever been before and he can’t get out of it by himself. Well, he might, but only if they drop him off at a local police station, which isn’t likely to happen with how high-profile he is.

He can get out of prisons, of being kidnapped, being thrown into a space war, of being discovered as a mole, of nearly all torture. But the Justice League? He knows B grumbles about them being unprofessional, but they still hold a lot of power. He is screwed without B right now.

Still, Bruce has always stressed the importance of not letting anyone know they’re connected. To the League, Robin was never anything more than a rumor and Batman works alone. It’s to protect all of them and despite their past, Jason doesn’t want to endanger them… doesn’t want to disappoint Bruce either. Which is stupid and he’s ignoring it as hard as he can.

Besides, even if he tells them, they aren’t likely to believe him. And Jason doesn’t want the knowledge that he’s a good guy, playing a bad guy out on the streets. He admires Wonder Woman a lot, but her and Superman aren’t great liars. They’d tip people off and he can’t have that.

So, he has to convince Superman and Wonder Woman that they have to call Batman and maybe B can convince them to let him go.

The silence after his comment has dragged on for a bit. To take advantage of it, he chuckles: “Oh, big bad heroes didn’t see that coming? What? Did you think he scared me and I moved out? Tsk, don’t make me laugh. My haunt is still my haunt, all I do leads back home.”

Then he starts struggling again. They haven’t even bound his arms. It would have been better to try when they were still distracted, but they’ll likely capture him again and he has broken his bones enough times already, thank you very much. Better to play at being a flight risk so they’ll move him to a more comfortable place than the dirty street.

Indeed, Superman is played like a fiddle and hauls him upright, saying: “We’ll take you back to base for interrogation.”

Wonder Woman takes the lasso off his legs and instead binds his arms. Smart move on her part, though Jason can’t believe that neither of them question whether bringing a very dangerous criminal back to their base is a smart idea. Didn’t B train them better than this? Have some sort of secondary location for questioning people if you must, don’t bring them home!

However, he doesn’t mention it and lets them take him to a Zeta-Beam, so they can get to the Watchtower. It’s a step closer to B, thus a step closer to freedom, he isn’t going to argue with that. Let Batman rip into them when he finds out.

In the Watchtower, he’s sure to look around. Bruce has never let anyone in here, not even Barbara or Tim, who have to explain how to install the security updates at the Watchtower. God, they’re all going to be so pissed that he got there first.

To make up for that betrayal, he makes sure to look around as much as he can. They’ve of course all stalked the Watchtower on Babs’s monitors, but none of them have actually been, so he’ll have to be able replicate the vibes later.

The vibes are kind of sad.

A bit rude, maybe, but it’s true! It’s all metal and not even that toasty, nor cool, just that gross in between where a sweater is too hot, but you also feel kind of cold. It’s clear B has had input here, because he loves his professionalism.

Jason can still remember the Batcave in its infancy, how much he, Dick and Barbara had to influence before it became what it is now.

All the others don’t remember – except maybe for Tim, who had to pick Bruce out of his self hate spiral – but the Batcave didn’t used to be a little warm for recovering muscle soreness or the cold from outside, there didn’t used to be comfy couches, a fridge with snacks and drinks, or messy piles of works in progress.

He’s going to have a serious word with B when he gets out of here about why he hasn’t implemented anything like that here, when he knows that B naps on those couches and appreciates all the warmth the kids (ugh) brought into the Batcave.

… Well, maybe if he gets out of here, not when. The holding cell they’re pushing him into seems pretty secure and after a second, Jason recognizes it as a Superman containment unit that’s part of B’s contingencies. That makes it also pretty much anyone else proof too.

The shackles he’s locked into are meta proof, however, also Batman’s design, which means that Jason has made it his business to know how to get out of them, because he lives to spite the man most of the time.

Neither Superman nor Wonder Woman have spoken since they started hauling him off to his new little prison and Jason wonders if that is going to change or if they’re going to leave him again.

He also wonders if he should start spouting some sort of monologue to cement himself as a proper villain, but decides against it. It might interfere with a cover story to get him out of here. Anything you say can and will be used against you and all that shit. So, he stays quiet.

There is a chair in the chamber that he’s pushed on and Wonder Woman, starts to wrap her lasso around him again as she states: “We need to know more about this organization of yours. You fought us well and I commend your bravery, however, you posses information we need and you do not seem willing to part with it. But the lasso will make you speak the truth.”

Alarm bells start ringing in Jason’s head, despite feeling thrilled that Wonder Woman just complimented him, so he immediately says: “Hey, hey, hey, can you even do that? Isn’t that unconstitutional or some shit? I mean, I think you need a permit or something to question me like that, I know good old Bats is always up his own ass about right channels and court permissions, shouldn’t you read me my rights? I’ve been arrested enough times to know that’s part of it.”

Red Hood has absolutely not been arrested ever, Jason Todd has, but that’s irrelevant right now. He knows he can’t keep up half truths forever and the actual truth can’t come spilling out. Right now he needs to ensure that Wonder Woman keeps that lasso away from him and remind them that he’s a rogue of Batman, so that they’ll contact him.

Wonder Woman pauses for a second and looks at Superman, who is more versed than her in the world of men.

“He has a point, if this goes deeper than a surface drug deal, then we’ll need to ensure all of them go away for life,” Superman says.

At that Jason would let out a breath of relief, if he hadn’t been trained better than that. He does, however, let his eyes roll, because Supes over there can’t see it and he is allowed to be annoyed that they think it is just some drug bust when Jason has been working for two months to get this neck deep into very fucking shady shit.

“Batman must have some protocol about it,” Wonder Woman says. “I shall look it up, so that we may proceed.”

“You’re not going to call him?” Jason asks, a little surprised, because surely that would be easier than going through the thousands of pages of protocol that B wrote.

Superman squints. “You seem eager to get Batman up here,” he comments. “That’s unusual, most want nothing to do with him. Why?”

Fuck.

He’s used to Gotham villains, who regularly kidnap Batman and want him to pay attention to them, not this fear that he has outside of Gotham. It’s easy to forget too, because B is one of the least scary people Jason knows. Hell, even Dick ranks above him in scariness.

Still, he doesn’t let that show, instead leaning back in his chair as casual as he can, smirking: “I guess, I just appreciate the devil I know is all. You two seem a little boring, no offense.”

“Well, that’s new,” Superman comments and Jason wants to throttle him, because he’s horrible at not letting any information slip past the cracks – and yes, personal relations and reputations are definitely information – he’ll have to remember to mention that to Bruce too.

In the end, Wonder Woman goes to contact Batman and look over their protocol, while Superman stays to watch Jason. It’s the first sensible thing they’ve done, not leaving him alone that is. A part of Jason wants to be annoyed, because now he can’t switch on the com with Babs, since Superman will hear, but he’s just relieved that they have a sense of knowing what to do.

So, they sit in silence.

Superman tries to chat a few times, but Jason knows better than that. You don’t talk, not even small talk. Anything is prying when you’re being interrogated, even if they just want to know your opinion on the weather. Which is making the atmosphere quite awkward.

Luckily, they’re freed from the silence five minutes later when Wonder Woman returns. She says: “Batman says he’ll be here in ten minutes and to not touch or question Red Hood until he gets here.”

Jason is too relieved by the news to judge her for saying that in front of him. Soon B will be here and then he will talk Jason out of here and he’ll be home before he knows it. After today, he can probably convince Alfred to bake cookies with him too. Score.

For the next ten minutes, the atmosphere doesn’t get much better. Jason feels a little more inclined to talk to Wonder Woman, but she is taking Batman’s instructions seriously and with Jason in the room, none of the conversations between Superman and Wonder Woman really take off.

Then the door opens to reveal Batman. For a second Jason can feel a weight be lifted off of him, but then he looks again. The figure is not Bruce, it’s Dick.

What the fuck.

If he weren’t wearing the helmet, he could make a face to demand an explanation, but for now his shoulders will have to do. However, Dick has always been bad at reading Jason’s shoulders when he’s chained up and Jason has a harder time with Dick’s face when he’s playing Batman. So whatever information flow there might have been gets lost in translation.

Dick is one of the few that know Jason did theater in High School, so he’s probably counting on Jason’s yes-and-bullshitting. Which is the only thing that prepares Jason for whatever nonsense he is about to pull out of his ass.

He can’t believe they’re going to lie to Superman and Wonder Woman. What a day this is shaping up to be.

“Hi Batsy,” he grins, hoping that him recognizing Dick will strengthen the cover.

“Red Hood,” Dick greets back. “I knew I’d run into you at some point with this. I’m disappointed, you were doing so well last time. What happened?”

“You know me, I never keep my nose clean,” Jason shoots back, because he’s a crime lord and he doesn’t plan on changing that. His family knows that.

Dick fakes a sigh and sternly says: “You were at least staying in Gotham.” Then he turns to the others and asks: “Where did you find him?” like he didn’t know already.

“Batman, I am glad you came,” Wonder Woman greets. “We have apprehended Red Hood in a drug bust in Metropolis, but we need more information from him. He claims his organization goes back to Gotham, if this goes deeper, we need to know.”

Tsk, what ‘his organization’? Jason had nothing to do with this. Terrible reporting. She could have used ‘the organization’, way more accurate and- oh god, now he’s judging Wonder Woman!

Dick as Batman grunts in acknowledgment and Wonder Woman continues: “We found him in the middle of the warehouse district. The others got away.”

Jason notes that Superman hasn’t said anything yet and shoots him a covert glance. He is frowning at Dick. Jason curses. Dick can do a good Batman when he wants to, but when he does that, he is usually not in good lighting with people who work with the actual Batman regularly.

So, he keeps an eye on the man as Dick gruffly says: “Thank you. I have been tracking his organization these past weeks, if I had known he would branch out, I would have contacted you. I’ll take him back to Gotham for proper interrogation and loop you back in once I know more.”

At that both Superman and Wonder Woman start to look more suspicious and Jason just knows that Dick is going to rip into B later, because why the hell are they surprised at him saying thanks?

Superman finally speaks up: “Why have you been tracking his organization, when he claimed he wasn’t the ringleader when we caught him?”

Damn those investigative reporter instincts, Jason thinks. He needs to distract them from Dick, so they won’t ask any more question. So, he calls out: “I mean, I practically was. Gotham branch is all mine.”

Eyes are back on him, great. Or, well, not truly great, because he hasn’t thought much further than that, but great as in, there is a distraction.

“Red Hood,” Dick admonishes, though Jason can see the relief in his shoulders.

So, he shrugs: “What? I like getting proper credit.”

“Well, you can tell the GCPD all about the things you deserve credit for,” Dick says, leaning in close as he growls.

Fuck, Jason is so making fun of him for that later. After he busted him out of here. Because right now, he has an act to play if he wants to see freedom again. And if he’s honest, he really likes his freedom.

However, before Dick can haul him out of his seat and break him out of here, they’re stopped by Superman: “We caught him in Metropolis, I’d like to question him here first.”

“And he’s my rogue, messing in my city,” Dick snipes back. “He’s got his fingers in all types of pies and I’d like to get him behind bars for it as quick as possible. My way. Because that way works.”

Jason studies Superman and Wonder Woman closely. Dick used the pie expressions, B never is one for expressions, much less pie related ones. And it seems the League figured that out too, because there is a tenseness in their shoulders that wasn’t there before.

Dick must have noticed too, but he’s awaiting their response so he can play into it. However, both know for sure that they’re screwed when Wonder Woman says: “I know you have your way, but you have rarely denied the use of my lasso, especially if it would help your city.”

“Yeah, and you would never just take him without getting more information from us first,” Superman adds. “Who are you?”

“I’m Batman,” Dick repeats, though that’s clearly not going to cut it with the way the two heroes start to close in on him. Jason is starting to feel he’s gonna be on his own here again real soon.

“You’re not. Your heartbeat is wrong,” Superman says.

“Rude, my heart could just have been having an off day,” Dick retorts, obviously giving up on the facade as he darts out of the way and ducks under their attacks and out of the door.

Wonder Woman sets off after him, Superman closely behind. It’s reminiscent of earlier today but then with Dick in Jason’s position. Jason takes a moment to be smug that Dick is definitely getting caught on camera, before taking off through the door himself.

It’s another mental note to bring up to B later and he is starting to wonder if he even trained these people, because that’s truly an amateur’s mistake. Though, perhaps they can be forgiven with the shock of someone managing to break in to the Watchtower without detection while pretending to be one of their own.

His arms are still in the shackles, but there is no time to pick them. Jason also has Zeta-Beam access, if he can just reach the terminal, he’ll be out of here. He’s sure Dick can either talk himself out or that he can come up with a better rescue plan than that.

Where the hell even is the actual Batman? You know, Bruce Wayne?

No time to think about that now, he tells himself, putting the thought out of his mind. He is quickly following the route they’d taken when he got here, but in the opposite direction. He grins when the terminal comes into view.

Skidding to a halt, he quickly starts to put in coordinates. Any coordinates at this point. He’s not used to it, never really traveling via Zeta-Beam much. He hopes he remembers the coordinates of the Batcave after B’s insistence they all learn them and he won’t end up in the middle of the ocean or some shit.

However, before he can beam away, Dick crashes into him when he comes flying into the entrance hall, obviously having thought the same thing as Jason. Only he has two heroes on his trail.

“Fucking fight, Dick,” Jason screams, not even caring that he used the real name, because with Dick you can get away with that. As he attempts to type even faster to get them both away.

Alas, it’s not meant to be, because while Dick is a worthy opponent, he’s fighting two of the most powerful people on their home turf and he doesn’t have anything to fight them with, except for B’s gear that he is less familiar with than his own.

So, while he gets a few good punches in, soon he and Jason are dragged away from the terminal and wrestled to the ground. Now Dick in shackles too.

“Way to go, asshat,” Jason bitches as he lies on the ground for the second time today.

“Oh, like you could have done better. I make a great Batman,” Dick bitches back.

Right at the moment, Flash comes running in, confusedly asking: “What the hell’s happening? I saw it on the monitors, but I didn’t know who to go after first and- Wait, why is Batman in chains? Is he brainwashed?”

“See,” Dick exclaims delightedly. “Flash thinks I make a good Batman.”

“What?” Flash asks confused.

Superman says: “It’s not Batman.”

“He’s not?” Flash says, sounding surprised as he leans over to take a better look.

“Ha!” Dick crows as Jason hisses: “Shut your mouth, dumbass.”

“Who are you and what have you done to Batman?” Wonder Woman exclaims, digging her knee into Dick’s back and making him grunt. Jason has no pity after that stupid stunt.

“I’m Nightwing,” Dick answers and Jason tries to send him a ‘wtf’-look, but is ignored. “I’m a vigilante. I work in Blüdhaven. It’s Gotham’s sister city. Batman’s tied up at the moment, asked me to go in his stead. He didn’t think you’d notice.”

“Lies,” Wonder Woman says.

“Batman would contact us ourselves, not trick us. He’s our ally and we know him,” Superman states confidently.

“No, you misunderstand. He’s quite literally tied up,” Dick says and it dawns on Jason that Bruce Wayne must have been kidnapped when the call came through. In enough of a bind that a miraculous escape would put their identities at stake. Just great. Fucking great.

“He’s taken? We must save him,” Wonder Woman says.

“That’s not necessary,” Dick backtracks, realizing his mistake. “We already have someone on it, don’t worry.”

“Who?” Jason asks.

“The day shift,” Dick answers and Jason mentally translates that to Duke. Good for him. It’s very useful to have someone out there during the day for situations like this.

“Wait, is he claiming to know Batman?” Flash asks. “I mean, I know he’s dressed like Batman, but being captured and all, I thought he was kind of impersonating him and hatching some nefarious scheme, not, like, covering his shift.”

“He is impersonating Batman,” Superman says. “And we can’t trust his claims. He’s here to rescue Red Hood and he is one of Batman’s villains.”

“Oh, so they know him from fighting him,” Flash says, getting what Superman is implying.

“Where have you taken Batman!” Wonder Woman demands.

“I haven’t taken him! Batman isn’t taken,” Dick yelps. “His civvie ID is and he is getting rescued.”

“You know his secret identity? We don’t even know his identity,” Flash exclaims, actually pouting.

“Yes, I know his ID,” Dick says, almost desperate, Jason would feel bad, but he’s kind of given up and is just laying there. “You can check the Zeta-Beam logs, I’m Nightwing, I have access. I work in Gotham’s sister city, we team up sometimes. I know Batman, I promise. I’m just helping him out.”

“Helping him out by getting Red Hood out?” Superman asks, obviously not believing it.

Dick knows how it sounds and lets out a frustrated scream. “Yes!” he insists again. “How did you contact him to come here? How could I have known to come?”

That makes them pause for a second, before Superman shakes his head: “You could have intercepted the message.”

“I didn’t, you know how paranoid B is, his shit is unhackable,” Dick says.

“B?” Flash repeats to himself and Jason mentally face palms. It’s sweet that Dick tried to rescue him, but he feels like he only made it worse.

“We don’t know, maybe you could,” Superman says.

“Oh, he could be a shape-shifter, who took on Batman’s identity and hid the real Batman somewhere else to masquerade as him and help his fellow villains in some sort of plot,” Flash spins a theory.

Now Jason groans out loud and thunks his head on the floor, the impact dampened by his helmet, which is luckily still on. “Why the fuck would he then not take the exact form of Batman?” he asks, exasperated.

“Exactly, just check the logs, I’m Nightwing,” Dick backs him up, almost begging at this point.

“You could have faked that, if you intercepted the message,” Wonder Woman says, not letting Dick up for a second.

“It would make sense,” Flash nods.

“It would?” Superman asks and Jason curses. They should have pushed, the boy scout might have believed them, but the moment’s gone now.

“Yeah, if we bought it, then he could pretend to be Batman for forever and we wouldn’t be suspicious if he acted out of character, because he was a different person, but in our perception still a good guy. It’s smart,” Flash shrugs.

Jason really hates his life, because the Flash is making kind of sense and it appears that there not going anywhere anytime soon.

“I’ll contact Oracle again, Batman’s AI won’t be compromised where his phone might,” Wonder Woman says and Jason has to do a double take. They think Barbara is an AI?

He and Dick share a confused look, however when they hear Barbara pick up, Dick takes the moment to scream: “Tell B to get his ass over here.”

Jason immediately joins in: “O, I’ll owe you if you get me out of here in the next 30 minutes.”

Now all of the heroes present are giving the two of them a confused look as Wonder Woman relays: “We have Red Hood here and an impostor claiming to be Batman. Where is Batman, Oracle? Is he safe?”

While he can’t make out what she’s saying from here, Jason can still hear the amusement in Barbara’s voice as she answers Wonder Woman.

However, whatever she said, must be enough, because when Wonder Woman hangs up, she says: “If our friend does not show up within the next twenty minutes, we are free to go search for him.”

That’s quite fast, Jason thinks. If he could have gotten here so fast, why send Dick first? Jason could have waited for actual Batman. Dick must think the same, because he makes a confused noise, which turns into a little yelp, when Wonder Woman drags him to his feet. Jason starts laughing at him, but gets cut off when he gets hauled to his feet too.

They don’t leave for the cells again though, apparently they’ve decided to hang around here while they wait for B to show up. Flash does leave however, having been on monitor duty before the whole drama went down.

While they wait, Wonder Woman reaches out to Dick, saying: “Let’s reveal your true identity, impostor.”

“No, wait!” Dick yells. “The code states that as a hero, I cannot be discowled or unmasked without my explicit approval. I state that I am Nightwing, a hero, unless you can prove that I am not who I claim I am, you are not allowed to do that.”

Wonder Woman stills again, then asks: “How do you know that?”

“Uhm, I work with B, you really think he doesn’t make me memorize those codes?” Dick shoots back. “And if you knew it wasn’t allowed, why would you do that?” Another thing for on the list.

“You’re clearly a villain, that code does not apply,” Wonder Woman states.

“No, you think I’m a villain. Innocent until proven guilty,” Dick corrects.

“You broke into the Watchtower, that’s not screaming innocent,” Superman points out, which is kind of valid, but Jason has sat in enough on court trails against his own men. He knows that shit wouldn’t necessarily hold up.

“I had a good reason,” Dick huffs and Jason ignores how touched he is that Dick thinks that freeing him is a good enough reason to risk getting destroyed by the Justice League over.

After that, they’re all silent. Wonder Woman and Superman do try to talk with them again, but Dick knows, just as Jason does, that it’s smarter to keep your mouth shut. So they wait quietly as the minutes tick by.

It takes a long time.

By the time they hit seventeen minutes, Jason is starting to get worried B won’t get here in time and then they’ll have to deal with Superman and Wonder Woman tearing into Gotham to try and find their Batman.

Whenever they civvie IDs get taken hostage, it’s usually a media circus after and that’s when rescue doesn’t take overtime. He doesn’t know how Bruce is going to duck out of it. Maybe he has already failed.

Fucking fuck, how badly can one day go? How badly can Jason screw up that he hasn’t just compromised himself and his relation to Batman, but also Dick’s connection to both of them and risked Gotham’s entire vigilante population being found out by two metas, who will go into the city without permission.

It’s clear that Wonder Woman and Superman are getting antsy too, continuously checking the time and looking at the Zeta-Beam, waiting for it to come to life.

Just as they hit the nineteen minute mark, the Zeta-Beam whirs and the crisp voice announces Batman’s arrival. The man himself appearing like some water in the desert, dressed in his previous suit, though his arm is in a cast.

“Batman!” Wonder Woman exclaims in relief, as Superman worries: “What happened to you?”

“A minor mishap,” B replies. And Jason curses, it’s going to be a bitch to keep him out of the field like that and it doesn’t help prove their innocence in the slightest.

“I thought you were going to be busy for way longer,” Dick accuses, probably having been as surprised as Jason was that he could get here this fast.

“Signal is getting better and the broken arm helped me avoid the whole media circus,” Bruce explains apologetically.

“You actually know these two, Batman?” Superman asks, sounding a little hurt, betrayed and confused all at the same time.

“Yes, I honestly thought you wouldn’t notice Nightwing running this errand for me while I was preoccupied,” Batman informs them. “If I had known how today would run, I would have waited and retrieved Red Hood myself.”

There is absolutely no apology in his voice and it’s now doubly confirmed that Dick’s thank you had been a dead give away. Why is he being a dick to his friends? They all would have gotten a sorry if B pulled this shit on them. Dick is so going to lecture him.

“I demand an explanation,” Wonder Woman frowns. “That one is a criminal and we have not heard of Nightwing before. Why does he have access here? Why are you helping Red Hood?”

Batman sighs as if he’d seen this coming, but was hoping it wouldn’t happen. Then he says: “I’m here because Red Hood was undercover for me, you blew his mission. I send Nightwing to get him, because I trust him.”

“And not us?” Superman asks, even more hurt than before. “Batman, you thought we wouldn’t notice you being an entirely different person. You tried to trick us and never even informed us Red Hood worked for you.”

“Hey! I don’t work for that asshole,” Jason snaps, already annoyed since B blew the cover he worked so hard to keep, even if he wasn’t likely to get out of this without giving something away. He knows it’s stupid too, especially in these circumstances, but it’s always been a sensitive topic for him.

Superman and Wonder Woman now look between him and B and B explains: “He’s an independent vigilante, but we team up. I asked his help, he did it as a favor. I never told you, because telling you would compromise him. If we can spin this, it might solidify his standing in the organization, if you had known, you might have let him go and they might not have believed you. It was better this way.”

“I’m really starting to feel like you trust them more than us and that you’ve been lying,” Superman frowns. “We have always respected your privacy and not pried. But you’re keeping things from us. Important things. Things related to our work. And that’s not okay.”

Batman is now between a rock and a hard place and Jason would be more sympathetic if it weren’t B.

“There’s a reason I’m keeping this particular thing,” Batman says without offering any further explanation.

“This is no way to treat your fellow warriors,” Wonder Woman exclaims.

“I’m with her,” Dick pipes up.

“Me too,” Jason adds, because like hell is he siding with Bruce over Wonder Woman.

“You and me both know that we right here, are old enough that you don’t have to do this,” Dick says, almost imploring and Jason holds his breath. He can’t believe Dick is asking Bruce to break their non-association vow here.

“What is he talking about?” Superman demands. “How do you know them?”

B is quiet, assessing the situation, then he utters words Jason never thought he’d hear in front of anyone associated with the League. “They are my sons. I raised them. That’s why I trust them and why I’m here to get them.”

It’s deathly silent for a second, then both Wonder Woman and Superman burst with outrage of never having been told, of being kept in the dark with information like this. How did Batman keep this from them? Why?

Letting them rage for a moment, B speaks up again once they’ve quieted down: “They weren’t always adults and I didn’t know you well enough. I wasn’t going to endanger them. What if you were mind controlled or turned against me? They couldn’t become a target.”

“So what about I work alone?” Superman huffs. “We put effort into pulling you into our group.”

“And that is appreciated and it does take effort to learn how to work together, even if you’re already familiar with teamwork,” B counters. “But yes, I did lie. Having a certain persona here helped keep my children safe. I don’t regret it.”

Despite wanting to be better than this, Jason’s still touched that B would go this far for them. It has always been an insecurity of his, so no matter how shitty it is to the League, he can’t help but feel happy that Bruce chose him over them. That he doesn’t regret it.

Dick, however, doesn’t have that as much and has a different reaction. He pulls free from Wonder Woman’s grip, slackened by circumstance, and says: “And your persona is asshole? Jesus Christ, B, the least you can do is apologize. They got suspicious of me saying thank you, Agent A raised you better than that.”

B at least has the decency to look a little sheepish at that, shocking the two heroes and then shocking them even more when he says: “I am sorry for the trouble.”

“Great,” Jason breaks the tension, stepping away from Superman, because he’s had a roller coaster of a day and he is done. “Glad we got that all settled then. Nice to meet you two, let’s not do it again. If your see me, you don’t know me. Now, let’s to get out of here.”

“Wait, we want more answers,” Wonder Woman stops them.

“Wonder Woman,” B says, finally sounding like himself, tired and a little gruff, but not unkind. “I broke my arm less than an hour ago, I’ve been patrolling all week with three separate Arkham escapes and my kids just got chased and locked up. I need a moment. Promise that I’ll explain better tomorrow. Make it a meeting if you must.”

She still looks reluctant, but Superman is already won over. His kindness is easy to exploit Jason notes out of habit.

“Alright, Batman, but I expect you not to duck out,” he says.

With Superman allowing them to leave, Wonder Woman agrees too: “Yes, answers can come tomorrow. But know that I will come into Gotham to find you, should you not arrive.”

Jason sees Dick suppressing a snort. He has to agree that. With the forewarning and all of them there, they could stop her should B not want to go tomorrow. They’re not going to, B can face his own consequences and Jason doesn’t actually want to fight Wonder Woman, but it speaks to both of their naivety about their city.

“Thank you,” B says, probably feeling he’ll worsen Dick’s lecture otherwise.

Then he punches in his code on the Zeta-Beam and they’re in the Batcave before they know it, Barbara and Alfred waiting for them.

Barbara smirks: “You have no intention of letting them know about the others, do you?” Jason guesses she had already been here with Dick as often happens whenever one of them is kidnapped as a civilian.

“No,” B grunts.

Jason rolls his eyes and finally removes his helmet, holding out his shackles for Bruce to undo without a word. He’s going to crash in his room upstairs, eat some of Alfred’s delicious cooking and then come up with some way to make this whole thing work for him. He’s already invested two months in this stupid op, he’s not letting one shitty day ruin it.

While B undoes his shackles, Dick bounces over to Babs to let her undo his, saying: “Do you know the Justice League thinks you’re an AI?”

“Of course, people tell secrets to computers, not people they’ve never met before,” Babs shrugs easily.

“Oh you’re evil,” Dick grins and Jason agrees with a nod.

Now free, he also makes his way over to her and says: “What do I have to do to get the footage of Dickiebird here getting wrecked by Superman and Wonder Woman?”

“Hey, you got destroyed too,” Dick pouts.

“Not in the Watchtower while dressed as B. I looked cool,” Jason counters, half of that a lie. Fuck, he really hopes Babs hasn’t already found footage of his own take down.

“Get me those snacks I like next time you’re abroad and I’ll throw them in the group chat,” she says.

“Deal,” he shakes her hand, before Dick can interfere.

“You two are so mean,” he pouts even more. “You got taken down too, bet you looked stupid.”

“I did not,” Jason protests immediately, his cheeks feeling hot.

“Camera footage says otherwise,” Babs grins evilly, because she’s an evil evil-doer, who is out to get Jason with her evil ways.

“DO not show him that!” he shrieks, jumping to get her hands away from the keyboards, before she can pull it up, while Dick tries to fight him off so she can.

A part of him still can’t believe that today he nearly died for the second time at the hands of the blue boy scout and his idol, nor that Dick broke in to the Watchtower dressed as Batman to come get him.

Later he’ll have to deal with B’s paranoia over the Justice League knowing about him and Dick, write a report about the weak points of the Justice League, then worry about his own mission and all of that will be a hassle. But right now he’s worrying about making sure his eel footage never sees the light of day and wrestling with his brother and Babs.

All in all, today could have been worse.

A/N:

I don’t think the Justice League is incompetent btw, I think Jason (and the other bats) are just kind of intense with their own security and a little judgmental.

#rr writing #batman #justice league #jl #jla #batfam #batfamily #jason todd #superman #wonder woman #dick grayson #bruce wayne #barbara gordon #flash #red hood #dc #dc comics

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suzukiblu · 1 year ago

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Ko-fi thank-you sentences for Plot Bunny; den mom Black Zero.

“You’re Kon-El’s age?” Wonder Woman says, looking thoughtful.

“I said that, yes,” Black Zero replies in annoyance. He usually has a higher estimation of Wonder Woman’s intelligence than to need the obvious restated, but it could be worse; could be Superman talking again.

“Are you intending to repeat your crimes in this reality?” Wonder Woman says.

“You cannot possibly be stupid enough to think I’d answer that truthfully either way,” Black Zero says, eyeing her dubiously. The corner of her mouth quirks up, just a little.

“Perhaps,” she says. “But I imagine you’re aware that I do have a method to assure that you would.”

Black Zero rolls his eyes, then holds out his arm in further annoyance. It’s not as if he needs to lie, much less cares enough to. If he wanted to kill them, he’d be killing them.

“Thank you,” Wonder Woman says, because of course she’d waste time on that, and then loops her lasso around his wrist. “Your name, please?”

“Black Zero,” Black Zero says. Wonder Woman hums consideringly.

“What are your intentions towards this reality, Black Zero?” she says.

“To explain to your Superboy why he’s an idiot and murder anyone between him and his brother,” Black Zero replies dryly. “Also, I might punch your Superman. He’s pissing me off and I’ve never actually gotten the chance to.”

“Technically not true,” Superboy says. “One of the Superboys we met was actually a younger alternate of Superman, and you definitely punched him. Like, really hard. And his dog.”

“Did I?” Black Zero feels pleased. “Good.”

“You’re such a prick, man,” Superboy says, scowling at him. “The dog!”

“I hate dogs,” Black Zero replies with a dismissive shrug.

“So do I, but that is not the point!” Superboy says in exasperation, throwing his hands up. “And we’re not murdering anybody! No murder!”

“You’re not, maybe,” Black Zero snorts. Wonder Woman watches his face, her own expression still thoughtful.

“You want to abduct Match from the Agenda,” she says, which is again something he feels he’s made very obvious, but whatever.

“It’s adorable that you’d describe freeing a legally-enslaved teenager as ‘abduction’,” he says.

“Arguably, I couldn’t even describe him as a teenager, given he’s . . . how much younger than you, Kon-El?” Wonder Woman asks, glancing towards Superboy.

“Oh, uh–like a year, about?” he says. “I think about a year, anyway, I’m a little fuzzy on some of the dates, after the Wild Lands and–I think about a year, yeah.”

“So you people left a newborn clone with an organization run by slavers,” Black Zero says. “For a year. That’s about as impressive as I’d expect from a Justice League, yes.”

“Match has made his feelings on remaining with the Agenda clear more than once,” Superman says, narrowing his eyes at him. Black Zero gives him a dubious look. “We tried to help him. He’s made his choice."

“Yes, physiological teenagers with five minutes’ worth of life experience are notoriously adept at making informed choices with long-term consequences that involve them rejecting everything about and everyone in the only life they’ve ever known,” Black Zero drawls, rolling his eyes. “Silly me. How could I forget.”

“Your priorities are . . . interesting,” Wonder Woman muses, still watching him thoughtfully. He doesn’t know what she thinks she’s looking for.

“They're correct, is what they are,” he says. “No one else gives a fuck about our kind.”

“Clones, you mean?” Wonder Woman says.

“You keep asking me incredibly obvious questions,” Black Zero says. Who else would he mean?

It's been made very clear to him that no one else is going to look out for any of them except each other.

#plot bunny #wip: den mom black zero

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glow-worms-are-believers · 1 year ago

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Hitting it off (dp x dc)

I've just started watching the 1975 tv show Wonder Woman, so have a thing:) Diana has just started being Wonder Woman in this.

"I hate this stupid decade and I hate time-travel," Tucker muttered as they snuck around the military warehouse.

"I'll be sure to pass on your dissatisfaction to Vlad," Sam murmured back dryly. "Just, you know, once we stop him from destroying the future as we know it."

"What is his plan, again?" Tucker said as he ducked out of sight of the guards.

"Something about him wanting to found the company that will invent the candies that Danny's mom likes so she'll fall in love with him or some insane shit like that." Sam chanced a look around the corner.

"How is he getting crazier every time, seriously?" Tucker groaned.

"Get ready," Sam said, tapping her friend on the shoulder. "They're about to switch off."

"Why are we doing the sneaking around, when we know a guy who can literally turn invisible?" Tucker muttered.

"Did you want to deal Vlad?"

Tucker's answering grimace was answer enough. They fell silent just in time for two soldiers to come in and talk to the two that were previously there. As they got to talking, Sam and Tucker made a dash for the back of the warehouses, staying low to the ground in an effort not to be seen.

They reached the warehouse successfully without being seen though Tucker was wheezing and leaning heavily on the metal structure they were hiding behind.

"Just... need... a second," Tucker panted out as Sam looked around to make sure they hadn't been spotted.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" A voice came from beside them. Sam had to press a hand on Tucker's mouth to muffle his shriek as she turned towards the sound. She was faced with a woman wearing a red, white and blue costume with bracelets on her wrists and a lasso(?) attached to her hip.

"Who are you?" Sam shot back in an attempt to stall.

"My name is Wonder Woman," the woman said. "I am a superhero."

Tucker frowned, now fully recovered from the mini heart attack he'd experienced. "If you're a superhero, why are you sneaking around instead of asking for access, then?"

"I do not like doing paperwork," Wonder Woman answered solemnly.

Sam looked at her blankly, trying to figure out if the woman was joking or not.

"Fair enough," Tucker answered at her side with a nod.

"Now," Wonder Woman started. "Tell me who you are and what is your aim here."

"Well I'm Tucker," the teen started with a hand on his chest before he moved it to indicate his friend. "And this is Sam. We're..."

"We've received a tip that there would be an assassination attempt on Private Essex," Sam took over smoothly. "We were sent to prevent it from happening without causing a commotion."

"I see," Wonder Woman stated earnestly. "That is a worthy goal. I shall do my best to assist you, once I take down the spies."

"Spies?" Tucker asked with an excited gleam in his eyes.

"Yes," the woman said. "Our intelligence says that spies have infiltrated the army. Luckily, we managed to discover that they will be meeting in this warehouse right now to exchange secret documents."

"Why not combine our efforts and help each other with our mission," Tucker offered.

"Very well," Wonder Woman agreed.

Sam nodded before getting the hard-won blueprints of the warehouse out of her bag and flattening it on the ground.

"I have a plan," Sam started, "First, Tucker and I will sneak through the-"

Wonder Woman hadn't even let her finish before she kicked the door off its handles and sent it crashing to the floor with a yell of "Stop right there!"

"Or, we could do that," Sam deadpanned as every head inside the warehouse swivelled towards them. She allowed herself a sigh. "Let's go." Sam grabbed Tucker and hauled them both after Wonder Woman who was carving a path through the soldiers and leaving carnage in her wake. Tucker turned to her and managed to yell in her ear while continuing walking.

"I take it back, Sam! This is great!"

#I'm liking the 1975 TV show quite a bit #There's this one scene where the police is telling Diana she has to fill in paperwork for the robbers she brought in #and she just goes “lol nope” and dips #The lesson here kids is that the real enemy was paperwork all along #I feel like the dynamic here is the meme with one person holding two other person on a leash #In this case it's Sam having to deal with Diana and Tucker #Sam manson #Tucker Foley #diana prince #wonder woman #dc x dp #dp x dc #roxpox #roxpoxwrote

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ktchie · 2 years ago

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'It's the hope that kills you'

Ted Lasso x Reader

Fluff and Angst

♡ other tags: attempt at humour/ no proof read we die like Rupert should've / possible part two

♡6.1k words

◇ In which Y/n wanted to confessed and Ted has a pastel pink apron.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

She consider herself as a tough independent woman who rather die and be beheaded than show any ounce of feelings or a hint of affection.

Her therapist said it's because she grew up in a household that doesn't show much emotion or any vulnerability. And they're right, she remember the time she saw her Dad shed a tear on the night of her high-school graduation, hiding behind his hands and cool dad stance before abruptly going to the bathroom and staying there for 40 minutes - he came back with red eyes and a terrible pun joke. As if nothing had happened.

So it is perfectly understandable that she grew up hating vulnerability, choosing to stay rigid and emotionless rather to have her whole soul on the palm of her hand. It doest help either that she's the eldest kid, the pillar of her siblings, the one who lays awake at night thinking any and every problems her parents throw at her way, worrying about it to the point her chest hurt and she has to learn to calm panic attack in such a young age.

So that being said, she never really had the full experience of romance or being in a relationship. She flirted with a few men on her lives and had fucked them plenty of times but she never really did the whole holding hands thing and all that cheesy stuff that people always whined about once the clock hits 10 and loneliness hits you like a freight train.

But meeting Ted, meeting Ted makes her want to dive head first on whatever corny things couples do in this day of age. Whether it be kissing on the rain or robbing a bank at 2pm in a Sunday afternoon.

She stared at him from across her, sitting so patiently like an overgrown child with a cup of steaming hot coffee.

"Something you need, Ted?" Her tone of voice held nothing but pure professionalism that made her quietly hissed.

Ted looked at her with his big brown eyes that makes her heart all googoo gaga, she sometimes wonder if Ted is secretly part of some hidden government group because she swore that puppy eyes could stop a international fued.

"Oh you know, just wanna visit ya'" he stated with a cheeryness only he can produced in the morning, all dimple and wide smiles. "'been awhile since I saw you, thought you're actually avoiding me but boss said that you're six feet under with all the work you got goin' on"

She chuckled at his words "Ted, I don't think there's anything in this world that could keep me away from you" she answered with a subtle smile, if she wanted him she would get him, whether it be by words or thousand of prayers.

Ted looked at her silently, wide eye and a blossoming blush on his cheeks. He looks ethereal underneath the early morning sun, a fallen single strand of hair dangling on his forehead that makes her hand itch with yearn to fix it.

"But I have been awfully neglectful to the rest of you, haven't I?" She decided to move on from her flirting (?), she doesnt want Ted to dropped dead on the floor from all the blood on his head. "I've been busy these past few weeks, but Will told me about the team plan get together on Sam's restaurant. I'll make sure to attend it, even shoulder the payment if we can get Sam to give us the bill"

Ted nodded his head, tounge tied for once, some part of her rejoiced while the other part, the one who always fear rejection and if she's being too much or too stupid, fear for whatever friendship they have (or had, if worse comes to worse)

"I-well" he cleared his throat, looking at her through his weirdly long eyelashes that always made her tear up in awe and envy.

"We can uh' y'know, we can split the bill, don't hav'ta shoulder it all by yourself"

"No its alright" she shook her head, she contemplate touching his arms, feel the soft fabric of his awfully comfy looking sweater and the skin underneath it but she decided not to, Ted might freak the fuck out and leave the room yelling 'HR! HR!' And have her fired and be shamed by the rest of the Richmond community for touching their beloved American wanker. "Consider it as my payment for forgetting to visit the locker room"

"Wasn't your fault, anyway" he shrugged before gesturing to the tower of folders and impending blueprints for the upcoming renovations and building upgrades. "I mean take a look at that, the great mt. Everest would cry if he saw this monstrosity. Even looking at it makes my stomach all funky" he shudder at its sight. "Do you even take a break? Jeez."

She sighed and leaned back on her office chair "from time to time, 15 minutes or 5. I like to finish my work early so.."

Ted frowned, he has one of those upset looks that makes her heart clenched and crack little by little until it exploded on her chest and she has to pretend she wasn't in pain so he could view her as a normal human being and not a lovesick teenager. "Ya should take a better care of yourself, you can't just go 'n on 'n on workin' till you drop dead" if it's possible, his doe eyes turned even more sadder. " its not good for you"

She bit her lip, her thighs moving up and down underneath her desk. She never liked it when he's anything but happy. "I can go take a rest when I go home and take a rest some more once I finish of all this work. its fine, don't worry too much about me"

"How can I not worry about you?" Ted leaned in, sad eyes and furrow brows. "Youre my-" he sighed before he shake his head "heck, If I had known you're over 'ere slowly killin' yourself i would have yank you from your desk till you're screamin' and cryin'"

Screaming and crying huh? Oh she can do that, alright.

"Ted.." she sighed, trying her hardest to ease the furrow on his brows "its fine, im fine. Don't worry about me too much. there's another game coming up, thats what you should be focusing on yeah?"

Ted sighed deeply, leaning back on the chair before nodding. A lock of hair fell down on his forehead, perfect it was, and y/n thought he never looked more beautiful then. She wonder if Ted kept his hair perfectly gel all the time or if he had ever let his guard down on the four walls he had been forcely call his home.

She would love to see him just him, just Ted, with his goofy smiles and bad puns and old reference from a bad film made years before.

She would love to love him, flaws and imperfections and bad days. She would paint him beautifully, perfect at every stroke of her brush and no smudge of mistakes and yet she knows she still wouldn't do him justice. Ted is just too perfect, too lovely, too godly to be even be depicted on a rough white canvas of this wretched world. Ted deserves to be painted in the walls of the church, or at every thread of the clouds, he was meant to be seen and to be watched and to be memorize until his kindness and his generosity and smile are engraved deep within everyone's heart. Y/n wanted to worship Ted with utmost devotion that her mouth would utter prayers like a second breath, until her two pressed hands bleed and flowers grow between her palm.

She watched him sat across her, his gaze darting everywhere on the carpet before a smile slowly broke on his lips, eyes suddenly lighting up and whole body perking up.

"Hey" he looked up to her, grin and joyful gaze "guess what I cooked last night" he had said giddily

"if you get it right I might just have to take a peek on that ridiculous sitcom you've always buggin' me to watch"

She scoffed, offended. "Modern family is not ridiculous, it's the best thing that ever happened to television-"

"Now hol' up. You're gettin' ahead of yourself now, sugar" she pretended the pet name didnt make her stomach flip and twist and did all kinds of wwe wrestling stunt.

"I'll have you know that you're wrong, there are tons of- you know what, I ain't even gonna argue with you because we're both too tired for this and I'm too excited to tell you what I cooked last night, so just guess, come on"

She squinted her eyes before sighing as she started to think. "Well, last time we spoke you wouldn't shut up about barbecue and kebab and that one burger that sounds like it could kill you from one sniff"

"Triple cheese burger with bacon crisp, 3 sunny side eggs and curly fries dipped in ranch and garlic sauce with side on-"

"Sounds awful. Americans and their ridiculous food, seriously how are you not dead yet?"

Ted had shrugged with a sickeningly sweet smile "have no idea, but its good 'n ya know what they say 'enjoy life while it lasted'"

"Curse that qoute for manipulating you, let's just pray you wouldn't drop dead in the middle of the court because we can't handle your decaying body and another lose at the same time"

"You betcha! Now guess what I cooked!" Ted was almost jumping from his seat, propping his head on his palm as he stared at her.

"Come on, now"

"Curry"

"No"

"Friend chicken?"

"Nope, but boy I would love to have that right now"

"Salad?"

"Heck no! You kiddin' me?"

"Uhhh, curry?"

"You already said that!" Ted pouted lightly and she almost reach out to trace the bottom of his lips and mumbled how sweet he look right now but thankfully she stopped herself.

"Allright I give up" she threw her hand up and sigh "anything you cooked is fantastic anyway, doesn't matter what it is"

"Oh, arent you a sweetheart" he smiled at her so adorably it made her tooth ache. "I'm glad you think so because I just cooked f/f!" Ted yelled so excitedly, arms spread wide and eyes bright.

She looked at him with agape mouth

"F/f? Are you serious?" She grinned so widely, it has been awhile since she tasted it, mainly because the only f/f she had ever ate is the one her mother cooks.

"Course! I wouldn't lie to ya!" Ted had stated "I couldn't get some shut eyes last night so I decided to make it, better to do something than nothin' at all am I right?"

She's still looking at him, as if in trance. "Wow Ted..I mean im pretty fucking pump but-well, why did you make it? You could have baked, you usually bake when you have nothing to do"

Ted looked away from her, cheeks suddenly getting warm and pink under the sunlight. "Oh you know..just miss ya' I guess"

Her heart crumbled and melted inside of her chest, she could feel its warmth drip from every nerve she has and settle deep within her guts and lay there until she has to curl her toes in a pathethic attempt to calm herself down.

He took a peek at her under his lashes. "I was so used seeing you every darn morning 'ere so it makes me all sad and upset when I don't. Even coach beard had to knock some sense in to me, told me to keep my marbles together or else he'll hide my barbecue sauce" he lightly chuckled "pretty heavy threat, if you ask me"

"I didnt know you miss me so much"

"Are you kiddin' me? I miss ya a hell'ava lot more than 'much'" Ted had almost yelled "i miss ya more than Roy misses running! And thats alot"

She laugh quietly, both in amusement and the tickling feeling deep on her stomach that normal people (with normal amount of love on their heart) would refer as butterflies, but for her, for someone who love too deep and too vast and too much and for a girl like her that grew up reading stories and fairy tales and movies characters with soft confession under bright stars and harsh rains, she could refer the feeling on her stomach as a clawing beast, a magnificent one born on legends and shaky words of the fear locals, with a ferocious growl and wild eyes and fangs as big as a tallest house.

In short, everytime Ted does something so adorably lovely on her eyes she could feel the entire animals on her stomach.

She looked at him with a gentle smile, eyes bright and so so soft - looking at him a like proper lover would. "I miss you too, Ted" she had said almost like a whisper, like a sin. "More than you could ever know"

The statement sounded too intimate, the tone too romantic to be said between casual friends and even the silence after it could be written in a pages of old romance stories - describe it like moment after the music, where the two of them stares at one another with that yearning look that makes all the reader sick to their stomach.

Her words sounds like a confession, one that is so gentle even the gods up above would melt where they stood. She didn't utter the proper words of 'i love you' and didn't open her palm where her bleeding heart lay and offer it to him with a desperation - but the way she said her words, the way every letter soud so much like a sudden whisper in a night of passion and sudden realization of devotion and adoration makes her statement more than a confession - as if it was an oath, a promise set on stone. Like a knights word as he kneeled on his king and offered the edge of his swords, bare against the world, bright steel and fierce glare as his lips mouth his promise, the words he would live and die on, where war would start and where it would end - be it by his blood or his foes. And similar to that y/n is ready to be let down on where she sat, to spill her heart like a leaking wound and let it stains them both, let him know how she feels, how serious, how much time she had spent pinning after him, yearning, adoring him so silently like a lovesick suitor from afar.

Ted grinned at her, dimple deep on his cheeks and that damn fallen hair on his forehead that makes him so so lovely. He opened his mouth and y/n waited with bathed breath and wonder what words would come out but before he could even roll his tounge the door of her office opened with a harsh loud push.

"Y/n we have to- oh. oh Ted! Good morning!" Higgings strolled in clumsily and no matter how much she love the little dork she kinda want to crush his glasses on her palm and send him home.

"Higgins! Nice to see ya today, buddy" Ted stood up to greet him and to give him a pleasant hug and if the coach is annoyed at anyway, he didn't show it. God he's so kind its annoying..

"You too, Ted. You too" Higgins replied with a smile that reserved only for Ted, filled with gratitude and adoration before he turned to her and she watch, with great amusement and a little irritation, when that smile fell down on his lips. "And uh, we need to talk"

She sighed mournfully, waving a goodbye to the wonderful conversation she was having with her love and to the words he would say earlier. She gestured Higgings to sit across her before she met Ted's eyes.

"Im afraid we'll have to cut our cheesy conversation here, Ted. Duty calls and if you want someone to blame, blame Higgings" she pointed at the man with a teasing smirk that had Higgins poor heart rapidly beating with nervousness.

"What? But I'm merely doing my job-"

"Im fucking with you" she patted his shoulder with a light laugh before glancing at Ted, who still remained at her office with a smile.

"I'll gave you a call later" Ted had said "let's have a dinner, ill cook for ya'"

She bit her lip to keep the ridiculous love sick smile threatening to rip her mouth apart and nodded "ill look forward to it, have a good day"

"You too, sugar"

And he was gone and if Higgins wasn't infront of her, staring at her with that bewildered look only spooked squirrel could do she would have stood up and do a cartwheel on her carpeted floor because holy fucking shit Ted is going to cook for her, just for her, not like those times where they eat together on the locker room and she has to sneakily steal his lunch - tho she knows Ted wouldn't mind Beard is another problem, she still thinks Beard has a few dead bodies on his back, the man has a stare of a despondent convicted murderer inside a prison cell. Its crazy.

"Oh." Higgings blink rapidly, his mouth subtly and slowly forming a smile. "You and Ted?"

She squinted her eyes "We're friends"

"Not with that look in your eyes, no"

"What did you eat today to have you acting this cheeky, my dear Higgins?" She looked at him up and down with a scowl.

The man let out a grin

"I should be the one asking that" he then leaned in "or should it be 'who did you meet today that have you acting this lovesick, my dear y/n?"

She flush red "You're fired"

"That'd be the 205 times you've fire me and I will continue to ignore it as long as I live"

"The first time i did that you sobbed on my shoulder"

"Well its.." he looked away "it was a different time"

"Sure it was"

____________________________________

"Look what we have 'ere-"

"JESUS, ROY!" She had jumped 2 feet from where she stood, clutching her heart and her car keys.

"What the hell man!"

"What? You got yourself an American man and suddenly you're weak of heart?"

"That doesn't even make any sense.." she mumbled with a disturbed look as she stared at him. "What are you even doing here? and I dont have an American man, get your head straight"

"Its a fucking parking lot, im allowed to be here" He commented with a glared as he not so softly leaned on her car.

She sighed through her nose, annoyed. "What i meant was, why the fuck are you even standing about in here and suddenly appearing from the darkness like a...hairy angry batman"

"Im not fucking hairy!"

"you shed like a golden retriever, you're not fooling anybody!"

Roy, the dog, growled in annoyance before he blocked her way to the driver seat.

"Please move or ill yell bloody murder" she stated suddenly so so exhausted.

"Why actin' so rush? Got somewhere to be?" She squinted his eyes at him, suspicious and contemplating why is he being such a dick.

"Why are you talking to me like you're about to take my lunch money?"

Roy, with the little patience he has, growled once again before he shook his head, as if he was the one getting annoyed and tired on the conversation. Then he stared at her, right on the eye, as if wanting to burn her soul and cook her alive.

"Youre really not going to tell me?" He had asked, hands on his hips.

"Is that how it is?"

"What?" She ask, confused.

"You and Ted" Her eyes widen, what is he on about?

"Me and Ted? What about us?"

"Higgin-" he cleared his throat "I mean, someone told me you and the little prick was getting all chummy in your office. Even got yourself a fucking date, how lovely"

She sighed "there wasn't a date Roy, Ted and I are friends. And we aren't getting 'chummy' or whatever kind of meaning that word has in your vocabulary and tell Higgins-"

"It wasn't higgings"

"-tell him to keep his damn nose out of my business or ill key his car"

Roy stared at her for a long second before he clenched his jaw and mumbled a 'fuckkkkk'

"We're-" he swallowed before he looked upwards to the sky, as if begging the gods above to give him more strength. "We're-..f-friends, arent we?" Her eyes soften in both adoration and amusement as he grimaced with every letter he spoke.

She chuckled "we are, no matter how much you disdain that word"

"Then," Roy had sighed "believe me when I say that that cowboy Mr. Rogers is fucking inlove with you"

Suddenly the air felt too thick and her clothes felt too hot. "Roy, i think you're wrong. Ted wanst-"

"Don't you fucking dare tell me he wasn't because a blind bloke could see it in a mile away, he wouldn't fucking shut up about you. fuck sake, He even draws you!" He yelled dramatically, hands shooting in a air in a form of exaggerated irritation that only Roy Kent could do. "Those past few days where you lock yourself up in your bloody office has been the worst days of my entire life, Ted looks constipated half of the fucking time and all he does is broods and broods and fucking complains about you. He's insufferable! Beard has to talk to him in the bathroom to get him straight!" He massage his temple before sighing and looking at her so gently then, so softly, like a brother would, like a friend would do, like someone you can hold onto when life gets though and days gets bad.

"Believe me, he's inlove with you.." he softly said like a whisper.

"In every possible way a human could love, he's inlove with you"

Her breath hitched from her throat, tounge heavy on her mouth and her heart beat could be hear from miles away. The beast inside of her guts fell silent, almost asleep, like his words strike straight to his heart and send him down on the ground, wounded and shaken and could never get back up.

"I came here to.." Roy cut short, finding the proper words. "To tell you how happy I am that he finally work the balls to ask you out, but turns out he's still a fuckin' pussy and a mess of a man"

She chuckled and shook her head.

"Ted is.." She lick her lips and leaned on her car, Roy beside her and shoulder apart.

"I don't think Ted would do the first move, he's..afraid, I think. All his life Michelle was the only woman he knew, only woman he loved and if what you're saying is not true, then she's the only woman he would forever love" she said almost mournfully. "Divorced is hard, specially for someone like Ted who loves too much and give too much, maybe that's the reason why I'm hopeless inlove with him to the point of humiliation but who fucking cares, right?" She shrugged.

She then swallowed before sighing a shaky breath. "I'll uh, ill confessed tonight. While we eat dinner, ill..ill try, and if- y'know, he doesnt like it then I'll back off" she bit her lip as her gaze burn holes to the pavement.

"I'll love him from afar, cheer for him from the stands and sob on my office if I saw him and sassy together again"

Roy chuckled "i remembered that one" reminiscing her worst times of sobbing half dead on her office table mumbling how cruel it is to love Ted and asking what Sassy has that she does not.

"Maybe ill hire a hit man too, have them kill you so you could forget about it" she bumped his shoulder with her own and lightly laugh when Roy grunts.

"I'll write it with my fucking blood, believe that"

"Write it with your chest hair and ill believe it"

"You fucking cunt-"

____________________________________

"Sorry 'bout the mess.." Ted gestured to the perfectly clean living room with a sheepish look. "didn't have time to clean up. I'm just too excited to cook for ya I forgot about everything else"

"That so? Well I'm excited to taste it, I'm sure it'll be wonderful" she smiled at him as she put the bottle of wine down on the marble kitchen bar.

"Oh it'll blow your socks off, its nothin' like the food at Sam's restaurant but its darn good if I say so myself" She watched silently as Ted, adorable adorable Ted, wore his pastel pink apron, tied it around his waist and fluff it with a lovely smile that almost had her clutching her precious weak heart.

"Im sure it'll be delicious" she say, referring more to the cook rather than food. "I like anything you do anyway, so"

Ted glance at her and smile, all dimple and bright eyes. It made her smile too, softly, subtly, like one of those yearning smile that hides thousands of words and promises and hopes and desperation.

Ted went back to his cooking, whistling a tune she swore she heard before. He was telling a story, one about a fish and a basketball and a prom that gone wrong but for the life of her she could not listen.

She thought about her conversation with Roy, the words he had utter that made her want to pour her heart out and confessed to her love. She dont want to be hopeful, being hopeful is nothing but a wish on the wind in this place. It is the poison that rots your mind, that decays the flower and the trees and the grass, break the ground you stood up upon - watch it crumble and crumble until your legs become weak and your bones break from your flesh and you fell ill and sick and cough blood until you die and wish that you should have done better, that you should have stayed quiet and at peace and settle from staring from afar instead of watching your own skin slowly peel away as you continue to hope and hope and hope and watch as the filthy earth swallow you whole and- Jesus christ she should really stop reading those sad terrifying books Nate had been recommending her alot, its ruining her head in the worst ways.

"Ya feel alright?" Ted's voice woke her from her thoughts.

She looked at him furrowed brows and concerned eyes. "Im good, it's nothing"

"We could just watch a movie, you know? Order some good ol' pizza and have a laugh on some bad movies and oh! You know what? we could just watch your favourite-"

"I rather just taste your food, Ted. If you don't mind"

"But you look tired" and there it is again, the puppy look, the vain of her existence. God he's so terrible she kinda want to kiss his face and pinch his cheeks.

She chuckled "arent you sweet"

"Oh gosh! I didnt- darn, I didnt mean it that way, sugar!" He was panicking, going all over the kitchen with his cute apron on and little sauce smudge on his cheeks.

"You l-look tired but y'know still pretty, and cute and-and you know? Please darlin' I didnt mean to offend you i just want to-"

"Hey, hey, hey.." she called out to him with a barely contained humour smile "I get it, I was fucking with you. I'm just joking, calm down"

He slumped dramatically on the counter with a sigh "oh goodness, you had me there. Thought I was gonna loose ya'"

They had talked a little bit, or maybe too much, she couldn't exactly remember how long it was or what it was about but she had know they had laugh and jest and share a few stories of their childhood and back when they're still a foolish teenager who didn't know what they want and where they belong - she still don't know now if she was being honest, she wasn't really the kind of person that plans ahead of time, or give a genuine thought on what she wanted to do in the future and how she will get there but Ted is, Ted knows, Ted understand what he wants and how he will get there and what he see himself on the future and in which place and who he was with, it made her fall a little more inlove with him.

"How was it?" He had asked as he leaned in, nervous and fidgeting.

"Oh gosh please say somethin' I'm about to blow a nerve over 'ere"

She laugh "it was good!" And it is, the best curry she probably had.

"Its perfect, Ted. Even the spiciness is perfect"

He blew out an air "oh thank god, I was so worried ya wouldn't like it! And to be completely honest with ya' I thought I switched up the salt and sugar halfway"

She laugh again, it wasn't even funny, she's just inlove and a complete fool.

Ted started to talk about his day, down to what he had ate for breakfast and how terrible his coffee was 'it tasted like cow piss' his words. He then talked about his theory that Nate is secretly a goverment spy forced to work with him for a very dangerous top secret world breaking undercover mission - when she asked why he think that - 'because nate is a genius and there ain't no way he was a water boy before I came here and coach beard told me he saw nate yesterday slap a fly in a speed of light and didn't even flinch'

It was ridiculous theory but she then remember the amount of gory psychological thriller books Nate has been recommending her for the past few days and a good amount of them involves a spy or two. She wasn't convinced but she'll keep an eye out just incase.

"-it wasn't that much of a big deal"

"You set your school on fire!" Ted had exclaimed rather dramatically, on her opinion, as she told him her high-school tales.

"Thats like- Thats arson!"

"Its not arson if they don't know someone set it on fire" she tap her forehead lightly as if gesturing Ted to see how smart she is. And Ted, bless his heart, actually nodded.

"Youre right, thats smart. Look at ya' getting away with crimes in such a young age!" He grins so beautiful she was actually proud of what her foolish younger self did back then.

"You sounds awfully proud of me bring a criminal"

"Well its kinda awesome and speaking of awesome!--" his eyes was bright and there's a little smudge of sauce near his lips, he looks adorable and loveable and she just suddenly want to kiss him stupid and tell him how much she loves him-

"--Sassy and I are going on date this weekend!"

A glass shattered on the background.

She wasn't adventurous or a sucker for pain and near death experince but if someone had ask her what it would feel like when an arm go through her chest and crush her heart in one fist, she would describe what she's feeling right now in exact gruesome detail that even Nate would vomit on the corner.

She couldn't stop her smile for falling from her lips or the soft disbelief of 'oh' that escape from her tounge, its amazing how a simple two letter words sounded so broken out of the millions she had uttered before.

"Thats great, Ted" she thank every God there is that her voice didn't came out robotic "im happy, you deserve someone who can take care of you"

Ted nodded his head with a grin that is far too wide for his cheeks and then he stared talking, he was saying something but she couldn't hear it, didn't bothered to hear it, she was too busy wondering if the feeling of absence on her chest had been there long before or had just recently appeared now.

"-aint it funny?"

"Yeah" was her response even if she didn't hear any word of it, she avoid his gaze as she wiped her mouth with a tissue and cleared her throat - there's a vile stuck on it that she couldn't seems to swallow.

"Ted, I-uh, I think I'm gonna go home. I'm not feeling very well" she was a liar and a coward but she rather die than cry infront of him - and suddenly she was young again, alone in her room, toes cold from the floor board and clenching her hands into a tight fist and wondering what is it about her that is unlovable.

"Oh, uh, okay" Ted stood up from the table "are you feelin' dizzy? Does your tummy feels funny? Do you wan-"

"I don't" she said firmly, she was upset, mad, not to him but to herself, for even hoping that she could have this. "I don't need anything, thank you" she lied and swallowed the humiliation of even wanting to say everything she wanted to say to him. All those words she wanted to confessed makes her sick to her stomach because how fucking dare she believe she even has a chance? How foolish to even assume she could have Ted?

"Nothing like a good rest would fix" she had stated, hoping to ease his mind but her chuckle came out weak and sad.

"Okay uh, ill walk you to your apartment - I mean, flat, christ-"

"Its okay" she grab her bag "I can walk by myself"

"I don't think its safe-"

"I can handle myself"

"Still, you look a little pale and I can't have a gal like yo-"

"Fucking hell Ted!" She had yelled and the guilt settled on her stomach as soon as she did so.

Ted look at her like she wasn't her, like another person came on his flat with a face of a friend he adores and she wanted to laugh because how could she want to love him and care for him when she could barely be half of a kind person that he was?

"Just- fuck, I got it. I can handle myself just dont-" she sighed through her nose and looked down, she could feel the tears on her eyes and but none of them fell down.

"Just let me be, yeah? I'm not a fucking toddler you need to be coddle all the time"

There's a pause before Ted nods "Okay" his eyes were sad, sadder than anything she had ever saw and it would've break her heart if it weren't shattered before.

She looked at him silently, a second. She almost wanted to say it, say the words, just lay it all on the table and let Ted feast on the remnants of her broken heart and whatever is left. He'll take good care of it, she knows. That's a kind of man he is. Maybe even fix it together with some melted gold.

"Im sorry" Ted was the one who apologized even if she should be the first, it made her guts coil. "I didnt mean to upset you, I was just-just worried. I'm sorry"

She looked down and clenched her fist, dig her nails on her palm.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I was being a dick and I have no excuse-"

"Youre tired and you're not feeling well, 's okay"

"Its not, Ted" she shook her head "I shouldn't have talk to you like that, you're my-" she swallowed "youre my friend, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry"

Ted smile, sad and worried all at once. "Its okay, I forgive ya'"

He shouldn't be, atleast not this easily.

"Okay" she nod her head once before she turn to the door with trembling hands.

Ted appeared next to her and held the door open for her. "Be safe, sweetheart"

'Don't' she wanted to whisper but felt too tired to do so.

"Call me when you get home"

"Will do"

The ground was wet as she walked and the road felt much sadder than before, the cold night air beg her for warmth and instead of the heat of her flat her mind travel to the warmth of his hands, of his touch. Y/n briefly wonder how she came to be like this, how she love so fiercely like a beaten dog and dig claw marks on everything she ever love just to watch it be yank away from her as easily as her tears could fall.

#ted lasso #jason sudeikis #ted lasso x reader #fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso gif is not mine #possible part two?

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onceuponaoneshotfanfic · 2 years ago

Text

Superstar (Roy's Version)

I couldn't help myself. I love this man too too much! Here's what Roy experienced during the Reader's first few weeks at Nelson Road.

Roy Kent x Reader

3.2k words

Warnings: Language, Roy being lovesick & slightly stalkerish in a rom-com way

The Superstar Series

“D’we really need a fucking assistant?” Roy asked again, staring at Ted incredulously, thinking, for the millionth time, that the gaffer was the nuttiest man he’d ever met.

Ted shrugged, far too used to Roy to point out that Roy’d asked him this three times in the past week. “Sure. Someone to help keep track of our schedules, emails, lots of stuff. That way we can focus on the beautiful game.”

To Roy’s surprise, Beard spoke up. “We had a student assistant back at Wichita. The kid was indispensable, always thinking of things we didn’t even realize would be useful.” He shrugged. “You’d be surprised.”

“Whatever.” Roy rolled his eyes and returned to his own office- the one he’d have to share now- and continued adjusting on the play he was working on in his black notebook. He knew he was more annoyed at adding someone new to the mix than he was about whether they needed extra help. He’d just gotten used to the Americans, just allowed himself to somewhat enjoy his after-work time with Jamie, and now Ted expected him to be okay with welcoming someone new into the office.

Wanker.

“Hope ya don’t mind sharing!” Ted’s voice slammed against Roy’s ears as the coach entered the office.

A lump formed in Roy’s throat as he glanced up. He should have asked more questions about this whole assistant thing so he could prepare himself. He’d been expecting some young, nervous guy like Will to be joining the staff; not this gorgeous woman standing in front of him, your wide eyes and slight flush only adding to your beauty.

Ted prattled on, oblivious to the sound of Roy’s heart slamming against his chest. “I’m sure you know this ray of sunshine here is Roy Kent.”

Ignoring the stupid butterflies that were forming in his stomach, Roy scowled and stuck his hand out. “You’re the assistant then?”

Your fingertips twitched as you connected your hand to his. “I-I am.”

Nope. Nope. He couldn’t do this. He needed to get the fuck out of here before he said something stupid or did something idiotic.

Roy pulled his hand back, wondering if you’d been able to feel his racing pulse. “Well, as long as you keep your shit off my desk and don’t wear any rancid perfume, we should be fucking fine.” Hating himself for being, well, Roy, he stood up, snatched the notebook off his desk, and trudged off, careful not to nudge you as he rushed past.

He didn’t stop until he was far down the hallway, away from those wide eyes, where he could lean against the wall and take some deep breaths.

Roy Kent was fucked.

He’d tried to put you out of his head the rest of the day. Tried to focus on training. Tried to focus on the plays he was meant to show Ted later in the week. Tried to focus on his drive over to the school to pick up Phoebe. Tried to focus on whatever the kid was yammering about. Tried to focus on the games they played while they waited for his sister to come pick her up. Tried to focus on the takeaway his sister had brought over so they could all eat together in Roy’s kitchen.

Brilliant as she was, his sister noticed. “What’s up with you?” she asked, eyebrow raised suspiciously.

He grunted and poked at his food. “Work shit,” he mumbled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Phoebe add a new tally mark in her notebook. “Lasso decided we need an assistant to keep us organized and shit, so now I get to share my office.”

“Hmm.” A smirk played on his sister’s lips. “Don’t like him already? Poor fella.”

“Her,” Roy corrected without thinking. Fuck, he wished his sister had brought something spicy for dinner; that would have been a good explanation for the pink coloring he was sure his cheeks had now.

His sister’s eyes lit up. “Ah.” As if that explained everything. “She’s pretty then?”

Roy narrowed his eyes at his sister, unable to hide the small smile on his face. “Shut up,” he growled softly.

Her smile grew. “Oh man, she must be gorgeous. You’re so screwed.”

For two weeks, Roy avoided you- an impressive feat, considering you worked just across the tiny office. But the more he watched you, the stupider he felt.

You were hardworking. And kind. And funny. And fuck, the more he stared, the more he noticed little things about you that just worked to enhance your attractiveness. He should have known he’d snap eventually.

“D’you like kebabs?”

The words just came out. Despite the embarrassing amount of time he’d spent acting like a teenager, imagining the different conversations he’d initiate with you, it all went out the window at lunchtime. Instead, he blurted out the stupidest question he’d ever heard.

His pulse quickened when you paused your work and turned around. “Excuse me?”

Fuck. Even you thought he was an idiot.

You’re Roy fucking Kent. Act like it. He let out a heaving sigh as he turned his chair around, desperate to come across as uninterested and not the pining prick he felt himself becoming. “Kebabs,” he repeated slowly. “D’you like ’em?”

“Uh, I guess.” Even with your face crinkled in confusion, he still felt like he was going to have a heart attack every time he looked at you.

Not that he could let you know. “You guess?” he repeated, trying to hold back laughter at your adorably puzzled expression. “You either fuckin’ like them or you don’t.”

“Fine, fine, I like kebabs.”

He could see the smile in your eyes, even if it didn’t reach the rest of your face. He loved it. It was enough to get him on his feet. “Okay.”

Before Roy knew it, he was walking through the halls of Nelson Road, hanging onto a takeaway bag like it was a lifesaver. He’d never brought anyone lunch before. Heck, he’d never brought anyone anything before. But here he was, suddenly turned into your personal fucking delivery service.

When he walked into the office, you were again bent over your laptop, not looking up at the sound of his footsteps. Roy wasn’t surprised though; he’d learned quickly that when you were focused, it was a bit hard to divert you.

He pulled out one of the Styrofoam containers and dropped it onto your desk, wincing at the slam. When you looked up at him, he went into a scowl, hoping you wouldn’t notice the unevenness of his breathing.

“Thanks, Roy.”

Fuck. He loved the way you said his name. After all those years of having it screamed by coaches or chanted by fans, it sounded so soft, so gentle coming out of your mouth. A mouth he really needed to stop staring at.

He quickly averted his eyes to your desk. It was neat, tidy. He paused when he saw a framed photo of you, an older couple, and two teenage boys standing amid large trees.

“That your family?”

Your gaze followed his. “Oh, yeah. My folks and brothers. They live not far from here. We grew up huge Richmond fans.”

Ah. That was why you always looked nervous around him. Your family were fans. Nothing more.

Roy couldn’t resist the next question that tumbled out of his mouth. “What, no pictures of your boyfriend?” He prayed he didn’t sound too interested. “Is he fuickin’ ugly or somethin’?”

He had to be imagining the flush in your cheeks. “No boyfriend. What about you? I don’t see your model of the week on your desk.”

Your cheekiness took him by such surprise that he couldn’t resist a tiny smile. “I’m too fucking old for that shit now.”

“Uh huh.” You looked like you’d malfunctioned. “I like kebabs.”

That was it. The moment he didn’t know he’d been waiting for his whole life. He felt like a colossal bolt of lightning had fucking punched his heart. With three little words barely squeaked past your lips, Roy Kent was a fucking goner.

Ted poked his head into Roy’s office, clutching a manila envelope. His face faltered slightly when he saw your empty desk. “Shoot, she took off early, didn’t she?” Roy grunted in response. “That’s right. She said somethin’ about a birthday dinner.” He sighed, glancing down at the envelope. “Well, I can give this to her on Mon-”

“I can take it to her.”

Roy didn’t know why he said that. He never volunteered to do anything extra, let alone something that would have him running around on a Friday night. But the idea of seeing your face, of getting a glimpse of you before being separated by the weekend he always found himself dreading these days, had made his mouth act without his brain.

Ted stared at him for a moment, his mustache giving a small twitch. “Aw, you really don’t gotta do that Roy. It’s not a big deal, honestly.”

“It’s fine,” Roy grumbled, not quite looking at the man.

Something sparkled in Ted’s eyes; Roy ignored it, the way he ignored most things about Ted. “Alright, well if you insist.” He handed Roy the envelope. “Do you need help pulling up her address? I could even go with you if you want.”

“Fuck no.” His answer was too quick. “I, um, she told me whereabouts she lives. I’ve got it.”

“Hmm.” Ted smiled at Roy, a soft, knowing smile that made Roy’s insides squirm. “Well, if you’re sure you’ve got it.” He waggled his fingers at Roy. “I’m sure you’ll have a great weekend, Roy.”

Roy frowned as Ted left, tailed by Beard, who gave Roy a playful smirk as well. Wankers.

He sighed as he packed up his things into his bag, wondering what the fuck he’d just signed himself up for. As he settled into the front seat of his car, he pulled out his mobile, trying to figure out what to do. He wished he had your number, but he’d never figured out the right way to ask. Maybe he should have asked Ted for help.

As he gazed as the black screen, a small ping filled the silence. He frowned and unlocked the phone; it was a Snapchat from Ted, sharing a photo of his beer with Beard in the background. Just as Roy was about to roll his eyes, he realized something. You were in that group chat. Tapping quickly, he found what he was looking for: your Snapchat location.

Ignoring the fact that he felt like an absolute fucking stalker, he started the car and headed towards the neighborhood on the screen. He zoomed in as much as he could before realizing that he couldn’t pinpoint exactly which house was yours. Fuck.

Alright, fine. He could handle this. Roy parked and grabbed the stupid manila envelope, taking one more look at the map on his phone. His mind wandered to the movie his Yoga group liked to watch together at Christmastime. Yeah, he could do this. If that spindly wanker Hugh Grant could go door to door in search of his dream girl, so could Roy fucking Kent.

He took a deep breath and approached the first door. Just fucking do it. He knocked, steeling himself for the moment you opened the door.

Except it wasn’t you. And neither was the next one. He was about halfway up the street when he started to lose his resolve. If he had to say “Yeah, I’m Roy Kent” one more time, he was going to slam his face into a wall over and over until he passed out.

With a heaving sigh, he approached the next house. He fully expected yet another granny or pimply preteen.

His face burned when he saw you.

Quickly recovering, he pushed his way inside, pretending his mind wasn’t reeling. “We should really put a fucking tracking device on you.”

“Um, not to be rude, but why are you here? At my mum and dad’s house?”

Oh. This wasn’t your house; it was your parents’. Roy couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that he didn’t get to see your home. But he couldn’t let you know that.

“Some papers Lasso wanted you to work on if you can this weekend. Said it was important. I dunno, I don’t fucking listen to him when he yammers,” Roy lie, lie, lied.

“Oh. And how-how did you know where I was?” Roy’s heart fluttered when he saw the way you fidgeted as you spoke. Why were you nervous?

Roy acted as if his heart wasn’t aching at the sight of you. “You’re one of those idiots that has their Snapchat locations on. You’re gonna get fucking murdered one of these days y’know.”

The grin you wore could bring a man back from the dead. “And you’re gonna murder me?”

As if you didn’t murder him with that smile every fucking day. “Not today.” He couldn’t help his own smile. “But apparently if I wanted to, you’d be easy as hell to find.”

“I’ll just have to keep being a good officemate then,” you hummed, the teasing tone in your voice sending Roy’s heart into overdrive.

Without thinking, he took a step towards you, his voice rough and uncharacteristically flirty. “You’re doing a fine job so far.”

This was it. He was going to finally make his move. He was Roy fucking Kent, after all. All he had to do was grab you and kiss you.

But instead, he was tackled by a very enthusiastic father and dragged into an admittedly delicious birthday dinner. Although the domestic scene wasn’t one that he typically found himself him, Roy couldn’t help but revel in the opportunity to sit close to you, your arm brushing his far too often to be a coincidence. In the back of his head, he even allowed himself to imagine this as a regular occurrence, having dinner with your family. But he was getting far too ahead of himself.

As dinner transitioned into dessert, you excused yourself to go upstairs to grab something. Roy could have stayed at the table, hanging out with your family, charming your mother, and answering more questions from your brothers, but his stupid giant crush got the better of him. He awkwardly asked for directions to the bathroom and was pointed upstairs.

He took the stairs two at a time, at least as much as his shit knee would let him, trying to figure out what he’d say once he was face to face with you. He wasn’t sure you liked him, but he couldn’t help but hope that he wasn’t too grumpy, too old, too past his prime for a girl like you.

The muttering he heard from an ajar door pointed him in the right direction. He nudged the door open and saw you, on the floor, clearly searching for something. Before he could say anything, he took a look around the room. What he saw made his heart nearly stop.

Holy shit.

Roy Kent had never seen so many photos of himself in one location in his life. This would be a normal girl’s room if it weren’t for all the football posters covering every square inch of wall- most of them featuring his scowling face. He was sure he even saw Sharpie hearts scrawled all over the one in the corner near the window.

This had to mean something, right?

Trying to keep cool, he mumbled, “Ah, this isn’t the fucking loo.”

The panic on your face made Roy melt. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch your mortified face, to tell you that it was cute, that he wished he had a room full of posters of your gorgeous face.

Instead, he closed the door behind him and stepped forward. “Why the fuck are there so many pictures of me in this room?”

You stood up, fidgeting worse than he’d ever seen anyone. “I, uh, I told you. My family’s huge Richmond fans. You’re kind of our favorite player. Hence, my dad’s excitement when he saw you.”

Suddenly feeling bold, probably for the first time since he met you, Roy stuffed his hands in his pockets and took another look at all the posters of himself. “So… does that mean I’m your favorite too?”

His heart fluttered as he watched your blush deepen. “I… I mean… I guess.”

Unable to look at you anymore, lest he grab you and kiss you heatedly, Roy’s gaze fluttered upwards. Now he was sure his heart had stopped.

A room full of posters of him was one thing. A poster of him above your bed? Fuck, that was hot.

“Is that a fucking poster of me above your bed?”

Your squirming figure was never more attractive to him. “Oh, you know, gotta keep the monsters away somehow.”

That caught him off-guard. He couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled past his lips. Fuck, you were funny sometimes. “That’s what I’m good for? Scaring away fucking monsters?”

He felt like an arse for laughing when he saw the humiliation as you covered your face and flopped onto your bed. Your voice sounded so small. “Please don’t tell anyone. This was my room when I used to live here, I was a dumb kid. I swear to God, my flat is normal. A normal adult flat.”

Your panicked babbling was adorable.

Roy sat beside you, trying not to think too hard about the fact that he was on your bed. The bed with a poster of himself right above it, a poster you probably spent all of your teen years staring at before falling asleep.

He was relieved when you looked over at him. He knew he had to say something. “Hey, no need to be fucking embarrassed.” He glanced up at the poster. It was a damn good picture, one from his Chelsea days. “Can’t say I blame you. I was young and hot.”

Your grin was worth the self-deprecating comment. “You’re not that much older now, Kent.”

The implication made him forget how to breathe. “I’m still hot then?” He couldn’t wait for an answer before he leaned in close and cupped your face. “Please say yes,” he heard himself rasp, not caring how desperate he sounded.

He could hardly believe his ears when you whispered, “Yes.”

That was all he needed. He pressed his lips to yours and felt you melt against him. Feeling your body press against his, Roy reminded himself that this was a first kiss, that he should keep things small, sweet, chaste. Hopefully there would be time for other kinds of kissing later.

The giggle you released was the greatest sound he’d ever heard. He smiled, probably a big, stupid smile, and prepared to ask you about maybe going on a date-

“Oi!” The knocking on the door nearly made him jump. “Mum and Dad want to know if you’re snogging Roy Kent in there!”

Roy felt like a bashful teenager as he smiled at you. “Don’t suppose I can tell your brother to fuck off?” he joked.

He liked the laughter he saw in your eyes. “’d rather you didn’t.”

“Well then.” Figuring that this was the end of this particular moment of romance, Roy stood and took your hand to pull you to your feet. “Guess we should go have some fucking cake,” he joked. His gaze lingered on the poster of himself, the one above your bed. “You should bring that thing to work sometime. I can fucking autograph it if you want.”

#roy kent superstar #he's here he's there he's every fucking where #roy kent #roy kent fanfiction #roy kent fic #roy kent x reader #roy kent fluff #roy kent fanfic #ted lasso #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso fic #ted lasso fluff

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scenteddelusion5 · 1 year ago

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"Two households, both unalike in dignity, In our unsightly hell, where we lay our scene," PART 4

Vox x gn reader (Alastor's child)

Note: I had so much fun writing this!!! I hope you enjoy it!

Word count: 3174

Trigger warning: suicide attempt (This is based on Romeo and Julliet after all).

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

"HahaHAHAha," Alastor's laugh could be heard through the entire restaurant.

Denizens left early so they could get away from him as soon as possible. There were a few tables that stayed, however. One of them was a group of girls in the corner. Y/n couldn't really see them, but they could hear a giggle come from there every once in a while. The worst part of the dinner was how well Alastor and Paris got along. It was agonizing.

"You are one hell of a gentleman, Paris," Alastor joked. "Don't you think so Y/n?"

"Yeah, sure."

The overlord had noticed how out of his child had been after their conversation. He tried to cheer them up the whole time, he hated seeing them frown, but nothing would work. Alastor supposed it was his fault so of course it wouldn't work. Instead, he tried to get the attention on Paris in hopes he would be able to cheer them up. This was another failure.

Velvette had been texting Vox the whole night. She couldn't enjoy her food, only a few of her girls could to be honest, so instead she stared at the table in the middle of the restaurant. She sat in just the right spot where she wouldn't be noticed by the other two overlords.

They is frowning the WHOLE time Like they look like they want to leave real bad

Can you take pictures? Send me pictures Should I come over and help them?

RELAX!!! I'll take your stupid picture

Just as Velvette was about to sneakily take a picture of them, she saw Paris pull out a small box from his jacket.

"No fucking way," she mumbled under her breath.

"I know Y/n and me have only been seeing each other for a little more than a week," Paris started his speech, "I've fallen deeply in love with them and I'm personally ready to tie the knot." He opened the little box with a very fancy ring in it and presented it to them.

This seemed to take Alastor by surprise, there was no possibility his little fawn would say yes to such a premature proposal. Y/n was more... Refined than that.

"I- uhm, I will..."

What? This wasn't like them. Alastor didn't have much time to ponder what was going on when the wall exploded. His head snapped 360° to look at the destruction. As his head was turned, from the other side a glowing lasso wrapped around Y/n.

"Ẁ̸̟͎͙̰̑̂̿ͅH̷̞̦̕ͅA̸̗͉̣̝͓͆T̶̨̫͍̖̽ͅ!̵̤͍̱͓͑́̎͘͠" They looked down to the obviously angelic rope. They tried to tug out of it but was unable to.

As he heard their voice, Alastor's head turned around again. He saw the lasso around them, on the other end stood an imp with a cowboy hat. Alastor's shadow tentacles immediately shot out, but he was too late, the imp had pulled them back.

"I̴̘̹͍̒̄̚ ̴̻́W̵̨̺̌̂̉̐Ǐ̵̥̖̀̑L̶̜͂͒̑L̸̮̼̳͖͒ ̷̫̋ m̷̎͜a̴̖͂k̴̢͗ȩ̶͋ ̶̺̌ȳ̵̹o̶͙͌u̶̞͝ ̵͈̋r̷̨̈e̴̢̓g̸̳̎ṙ̴̫e̵͕͌t̴̙̍ ̶̡͗̈Ţ̶͉̥͛͌̕H̵̜͎͝I̴̭̩͛́̔͑͜ͅS̶̮͔̯͕̐!̵̡̘̀͑̓!̸̜̣̤̤̎̾!̷̦̤͕̦̄̍͆" His voice was distorted and his antlers grew triple in size. More and more shadows showed up to get to Y/n.

"Then you better hurry." Striker tightened the rope causing Y/n to scream.

Rosie was quick to help her friend but she was quickly distracted by another explosion, and another. Before they knew it, the whole building exploded and Y/n and Striker had disapeared.

Alastor's eyes widened, staring at the now empty spot where they just were. Everything become distorted around him, static filled the air and the Radio Demon grew to an enormous size.

"W̴̤͂̇H̸͔̓E̸̙͝R̷̫̩͌̌E̴̳͝ ̸͙͌̚A̵̖̻̐R̴͇̜͋͛E̸̘͠ ̴̛̫̔Ỳ̸͓O̴̳̟͒Ų̴̲̽͐?!!" Blood streamed out of his mouth down to his chin, his eyes turned into dials and the parts of hsi eyes that were usually red turned black. "W̷̘̯͕̾H̸̨͒Ë̵̢N̶̯̈́̂͐ ̸̞̠̈́I̵͉͚͌̓̀ ̵̼̦̎F̸͍̑Ḯ̸͔͔̚ͅN̶̖̆D̵̠̻̱̾̕ ̷̡̥͔̊̃Y̶̰̕͘Ȍ̵̭̜̈U̵̹͊̂̔͜!! When I F̶̼̺̲̥͕͉̖̓̄̓̍I̸̯͝N̸̡̮̥̯̲̦̩̒̋̏̂̊̒̚D̵̙̀̿ YOU!!! I WILL D̸͓͛̂̇̉Ȩ̴̟̗̫̼͎̙̏͗̓̿́S̴͖̩̹͉̣͖̑̉̈́ͅT̸̜͚͔̮̬̩̮̏R̴̟̪͓̍̍̑̽̉̃Ọ̴̡̺̝͆̍̈́̚͘Ỳ̶̙̠̻̱̥́̊̀̋ͅ ̸͈̆͗̿̂͠you!!!"

Alastor started destroying everything around him, pushing over buildings and throwing around random sinners. He couldn't find them. WHERE WERE THEY?

Velvette got blinded by the light that came from the explosion. Once she had rubbed her eyes and looked up again, she saw Y/n being pulled away by an imp. More explosions went off around Rosie and Alastor.

"God DAMN, you owe me Vox." She quickly got up and ran out the building, doing her best to follow Y/n and the kidnapper. Her efforts were in vain, when she lost them in the Vee's district.

It took hours for Alastor to calm down enough to stop his rampage. He sat down on the rubble scratching his claws into his leg.

"It's going to be alright Al. He wanted them alive so we still have a chance to find them." Rosie sat down next to him. "Paris and me will help you."

"What the FUCK happened to this place?" A voice came from the left.

Vox was sitting at home, blowing up Velvette's phone. She had just promised to send him a picture and suddenly she ignored him. What was happening over there? Maybe he should check it out, just for a second. Vox walked down to his car and got into his limo.

On the way there a notification popped up on his screen; a 666 news broadcast just started. He quickly put it on the TV he had hanging by the minibar.

"Good evening hell, we just got news that the Radio Demon was spotted reaping chaos." Katie Killjoy talked a mile a minute. The little box in the corner showed glitchy footage of a giant Alastor destroying the city. "Eyewitnesses say he is after someone. I wouldn't want to be in their position."

"Drive faster!" Vox yelled at his brainwashed employee.

Alastor's attention snapped to the Vee that just got to the scene. One of his tentacles shot out to the TV demon.

"What did Y̴̦̥̩̝̱̥̬̑̃̏͑̿̈́̀̋͝O̸̢͙͈̖͍̱̞̹̘͖̳̝̓̌̕͜͠Ü̶̦͖̿́́̄ do to Y/n?!" Alastor's shadows pulled Vox by the limbs. He was ready to tear the other overlord apart.

"I didn't do SHIT do them!!!" Vox buffered. "Where ARE they?!"

"Alright, alright, stop it Alastor." Rosie put herself in between them. "I dislike the guy too, but tearing him apart isn't going to find Y/n."

The Radio Demon let go of Vox but did keep a close eye on him. "You have one minute tell me where they are."

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE!!!" Vox yelled. "I don't even know what the FUCK is going on!"

"Y/n just got kidnapped by an imp with angelic weapons," Rosie explained.

"And how are we planning to find them?"

"WE?" Alastor asked. "You are going to get us to them before I destroy you."

"I didn't do it!"

"You've been trying to use them to get to me from the moment you two met."

"If you loved Y/n half as much as I do you would notice the FEET KISSING FUCKER that has actually been using them." Vox retorted while pointing at Paris.

"Me?" Paris put on his best confused face. "You're ridiculous."

Alastor was slowly growing in size again. He had enough of Vox's act. He would find Y/n even if he had to kill all of hell. "How D̸͎̤͉͑̈́͊À̸͙̱̹͎͓̀Ȑ̴̻͈͉̪͈͖̘̻̔̓E̷͍̤̲̻̠̾ you suggest I don't love them enough!" The Radio Demon shot out his shadows reaching for Vox. When he got the TV Demon by the leg, he pulled him back and imprisoned him with his claws.

Vox had to act fast. "Y-you really think Y/n would have agreed to that bastard's proposal if he wasn't blackmailing them!!"

The Radio Demon stopped in his tracks. He was right, they would never had agreed. He shrunk again, now turning to the cannibal demon. Y/n had been acting weird... But what would be enough to blackmail his child? He was one of the most powerful overlords in hell, anyone that messed with them messed with him. Y/n had to just come to him and he would take care of everything.

"Stop spewing such nonsense, of course Y/n would want to marry me!" Paris yelled literally looking down on Vox who was still pinned to the rubble. "Only someone like me is worthy of marrying the Radio Demon's child."

Alastor had never heard Paris spoke in such a way before. If the demon was just an acquaintance, he wouldn't have mind it, hell maybe even encouraged it! But this was the man who had been courting his child. His child who would've hated to be put on a pedestal, especially if it was for simply being the Radio Demon's child.

Alastor turned to the man. "Paris? What did he mean by 'if he wasn't blackmailing them'?"

"... You aren't believing what this filth is spewing, right?" Paris' face gradually turned from confusion to fear when he realised the demon wanted actually wanted an answer. "I... Of course, I didn't!" He began to sweat. "I-I would never..."

Alastor knew how men looked when they were scrambling for anything that would save them, a lie, a knife, a rock, anything. He had seen it over and over again on his victims, on his father.

"Listen, you have Ỡ̵͉̰͋̀̅̄̀̈́N̵͉͎̦͖̼̖̣̼̣̈́̌̃E̶̛̖͐̀̕͝ chance tell me the truth or you will be the next voice on my broadcast." Alastor loomed over Paris, symbols and static surrounding him. "I'm all ears."

"I- uhm..."

"It's not wise to lie dear," Rosie advised him, "it'll only make things worse."

"I-it's true." He mumbled but it was loud enough for Alastor to hear.

Before Paris knew it a black hole was opened up underneath him. Giant, black tentacles dragged him down, deep in the unknown.

"I'll deal with him later, now, you." He turned to Vox who was still traumatised by what he just witnessed. "E̵͙͇̳̬̬͐́X̷̣̭̫̞̄̔̿̀͘P̸͍̜̯͉̂̀̓̾̋̕͜Ĺ̵��̪̋͌͘A̷̤͍͎̓͂͊̏͜ͅI̸͍̊͝N̶̫͇̥̅̆̒́̍͐!̵̡̭̲̱̭͝ Please."

"It doesn't matter how many times you threaten me-" Vox slowly stood up. "- or how many times you beat me up." He continued to confidently walk up to Alastor. "My answer is still the same fuckface!!!" His face was pulled into a frown and he shoved his finger into the Radio Demon's face. "I LOVE Y/N!!!!"

Alastor was put off by his enemy's attitude. This wasn't his usual front in which he pretended to be strong and confident. For the first time he saw the genuine Vox shine through.

"Fine then, prove it." The Radio Demon straightened his suit jacket. "Are you willing to risk your life and soul finding them?"

"Without a doubt and I know exactly where to start."

The three overlords were walking into the Vee tower, up the elevator to Vox's office. For anyone walking by it was a strange sight. Vox, the overly controlling and vengeful overlord inviting his rival into his office... And Alastor agreeing! This would have been the talk of the town if Vox hadn't mind controlled every single one of his employees to stay quiet. He has an image to uphold after all.

Alastor looked around the office, it was... Something. A circular door with the VoxTech logo on it let the three overlords into what he could only describe as a monstrosity of a workspace. The Demon's office was a circular platform surrounded by a sort of, very deep, mote. In the mote swam robotic sharks. The walls held a thousand screens, each showing the footage of a different camera. On the platform hang even more screens in front of a single chair and a desk.

"Talk about being paranoid." Rosie said looking around the room.

"Only a madman would have this much surveillance." Alastor quipped.

"Well the surveillance of this mAdMaN is going to find Y/n, so shut up and let me concentrate."

"Of course." The Radio Demon nodded his head. "And how exactly?"

Vox rolled his eyes. If Alastor wanted to look down on him that's fine but the man isn't going to distract him from finding his love. "Well I'm going to try and restart the tracker in their phone."

"Their what now?"

"Their phone that I gifted. I had disabled the tracker but I might be able to restart it remotely," Vox explained.

"You gave my child one of your picture phones?" Alastor's eyes turned into dials. He couldn't believe how much Y/n had been hiding from him, it was a lot to find everything out in one evening.

"Yes, I wasn't able to contact them otherwise because of their overprotective freak of a father." Vox was typing away on his computer, getting past the firewall and excessing their phone settings.

"You-"

Alastor promptly got cut off by Rosie. "How about we deal with all this fighting and secrets later? Now we should focus on Y/n."

"Fine," Alastor sighed, "how long will this take?"

"Almost done I just have to excess the hidden settings and..... it's turned on!" Vox zoomed in on the map that showed the entire pride ring to the little glowing spot. "That's weird, it says they're on your territory, right by your garden."

"I doubt this kidnapper would have taken them to my house."

"How about I go take a look and you two try looking for something else?" Rosie proposed. "As long as you two stay civil with each other, of course."

"Don’t worry." Vox mumbled while all his focus was on the screens.

"That's not going to be a problem," Alastor said with a strained smile.

Rosie left the two of them alone. Maybe this would be good for them, she thought.

"I will never accept you as my son in law." Alastor stated.

"I know." Vox connected himself to the computer. This way it was easier to look through the thousands of security camera's around hell. "But I also never wanted to hide it. Whether you hate me or not, Y/n deserves better than sneaking around to go on dates."

"Then tell me my old friend, what makes you think YOU deserve them."

"I don't think I do, however, Y/n loves me and they deserves to be with someone that actually loves them back." Vox was following the tracker in Velvette's phone and looking through the cameras on that route.

"Tell me, how far along has your... affair with Y/n come?"

"If you're asking whether I've fucked them, then the answer is stage minus twenty. We've just been going on dates and talking."

Alastor scuffed at the overlords bluntness

"Look at this, I've got the two on camera."

He turned to the screen that showed the footage and there they were. Y/n bound with angelic robe with that imp dragging them along.

"They are headed for the edge of town." Vox skipped to the cameras there and sure enough, there they were. The imp dragged them into a warehouse.

"Hey dearies-" Rosie entered the office again, broken phone in hand. But as soon as she stepped inside the two men were already gone. Alastor disappearing in his shadow while Vox zapped through the camera.

"Who are you? What do you want from M̴̨͈͕͍͂͘Ȩ̷̛̙̪̱̤͊͒̑̇̋ͅ?!" Y/n yelled doing their absolute best to get their hands free from the bounds, alas it was pointless.

"It's no use fighting back. Not even Goetia would be able to get out of those." The imp's tail smashed against the wall in a whip-like motion. "Now be a good little sinner and wait, he wants to come down here and kill you himself."

"Your boss is a stupid man." Y/n was able to stand up, their hands and torso still bound. They looked around, they were inside some old buidling. Angelic weapons lined the wall, from guns to knifes.

"Hah! Tell him that yourself, he'll be here soon enough." A knock came from the door. "As if right on que." Striker opened the door and as he did, he was immediately shoved against the wall by black tentacles.

Through the doorway came Alastor and Vox. Y/n started running up to them.

"Fawn, I-" The Radio Demon stopped talking when he realised they weren't running to him but to Vox.

"VOX!!" Y/n cried throwing themselves onto them.

"Y/n." Vox took off the angelic bounds. "Are you alright?" He cupped their cheek.

They leaned into him. "I am now."

Alastor was fuming at the sight. He quickly grabbed the angelic rope and bound Striker before turning to the two. The Radio Demon proceeded to pull Vox away from them, pulling him in four different directions by his limbs.

"Thanks for the help but I have no use for you now, Ģ̵͖̯̅̂͜Ỏ̴͚̥̖͍̃O̷̳͙͗̍D̴̤̽̅̚B̸̢̦͇͑̔͋̿Y̶̪͕͔͎̹̱̊̎̓̕Ë̴̫͇̘́͋͜͝!!!"

"S̶̛̛̹̮̘͔͕̰̓́̀̋̾͛̕T̸̢̡̥̤̬͇̖̟͙̜̳̦͐̋O̷̢̨̫̰̪̯̟̼̞̼͈̥͜͝P̴̙͎̓̋̔̊̅͌̈!!!" Y/n stood by the wall of angelic weapons. "Let him go, I love him."

"Darling, I know what you think but you are confused, I will fix this for you." Alastor pulled harder earning a scream from Vox.

"DAD, let go of him, or... I will die with him." They pulled a knife from the array of weapons and held it to their neck.

"Y/N! Don't!!!" Vox yelled out. "It's not worth dying for me!"

"NO! If you die, I will die PERMENANTLY!"

"Little fawn, you will have to bluff better than that." The Radio Demon chuckled. "I will teach you one day."

"I'M NOT-" They yelled, -BLUFFING!!!" Y/n pulled the knife back and stabbed themselves into their shoulder, leaving the knife in, for now.

Alastor's antlers shrunk, his eyes focused on the wound, looking at it in horror. "Y/n, this man isn't worthy of you." Unconsciously, he had let go of a now coughing Vox.

He slowly made his way to them, coughing and limping.

"That's for me to decIDE-" They pulled the knife out, blood pooling out of the wound. "And HE IS!"

Y/n tried to push the knife right into their chest but something was blocking the blade. Vox had thrown himself at him and the knife went right through his suit and into his arm.

"V-Vox, what are you?"

"You are really stupid, you know that?" He joked. "How could I just stand by and watch you get hurt?"

"I love you," they whispered.

"I-I lo... Love..." Vox fell down, all his weight came down on them.

"Vox..? Vox? VOX!" Tears spilled out of their eyes. "VOX!!! WAKE UP! Ple-ease wake up!"

Alastor just stood there, as Vox of all people, saved his child. He tried to come closer, his hands shaking.

"STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!" Y/n glared at their father.

"Y/n, you're bleeding too, l-let me help you." He tried to take another step.

"S̶̛̛̹̮̘͔͕̰̓́̀̋̾͛̕T̸̢̡̥̤̬͇̖̟͙̜̳̦͐̋O̷̢̨̫̰̪̯̟̼̞̼͈̥͜͝P̴̙͎̓̋̔̊̅͌̈!! D-don't... you'll h-hurt hi-" They too lost consciousness.

The Radio Demon carefully picked up the couple, two tentacles wrapped around their wounds putting pressure on them. Before he could leave with them, a voice came from the door.

"Stricky!! Sorry, I'm late. I saw the broadcast though." The door slowly opened. "I can't wait to kill the whore and get my Voxy ba-"

Valentino saw what was actually happening inside. Striker was bound up, Vox and Y/n knocked out and he now stood face to face with a incredibly pissed of Radio Demon.

"Shi-"

Alastor quickly pulled Valentino and Striker into a blackhole. He really wanted to pull them both apart but he had other prioritise right now.

"Rosie! Get the first aid-kit!" Alastor barged into the emporium carrying the two.

Rosie looked at the wounds. "I'll get the town doctor too, wait here."

Alastor sat down next to his child. He gave them a kiss on the forehead.

"I'm sorry Y/n, please forgive me," he whispered.

Part 5

Masterlist/request guidelines

Taglist: @hxzbinwrites

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #reader insert #hazbin hotel radio demon #hazbin hotel vox #x reader #vox x reader #vox x you #hazbin hotel vox x reader

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dyns33 · 8 months ago

Text

Only Wastelands part 5

So here last part of my first Cooper Howard series ! I hope you guys liked it.

Tag : @one-of-thewalkingdead @coolrobloxkid28 @thebumbqueen @rachmari @ilyvia @justme12200 @honeybunhottie @savanahc @gobbodoggo @bisasterbisexual @killingboredom @bonafideyapper @i-simp-for-mha-men @pixelatedprofilepic @ultimatreality @chattersstuff @harmfulb1tch @hellolettuce444 @miketastic25 @darkangel4121 @avidreadee123 @kaitttttttt @nullx1ety @foggyturtleknightangel (theyre you gooo)

If they had learned one thing about each other during their time together, it was that Cooper and Y/N were both stubborn fuckers.

As he held her tightly with his rope, chewing the inside of his mouth as he waited for her to speak, she stared at him with a hateful look, refusing to open the ball.

Of course, her first reaction had been to try to flee. An instinctive survival reaction, as stupid as it was useless, because he was a pro with his lasso. Y/N had no chance of escaping, especially since he could easily knock her down or shoot her before she could free herself.

So there they were, staring at each other in silence, with a tension that could cut with a knife.

It may have been because they were at risk of being interrupted by raiders, radroaches, or Lucy who might wonder where they were, but the Ghoul ended up sighing and grimacing.

"What do you want then ?"

"… What do you mean ?"

"You must want something, to show up after three fucking years with my daughter, sweetheart. You probably knew that I would shoot between your two pretty eyes the moment I would see you in thanks for leaving me behind, so you needed a little sugar in your bitter request. Spit it out."

It was Y/N's turn to grimace, not understanding the situation.

Cooper Howard was angry. Cooper Howard claimed that she wanted something, and that she was the one who had left him three years ago, giving him the right him to be furious with her.

It made no sense.

"Don't kid me !" she exclaimed, making him jump slightly. "You're the one who left me !"

"Sorry, sweetie, but I was there, I know…"

"Oh, no, no good excuses. I heard you very well with your new friends at the bar ! I'm not totally stupid even if I come out of a vault, I know when I'm not wanted anymore, you were very clear ! So the little doggie left you alone ! I never wanted to see you again, but I met my replacement, then I found Janey, and I couldn't leave her, so… Let me go now ! I don't want anything, let me go !"

Y/N started to move again to try to remove the lasso, and this time Cooper didn't move to stop her. This made her react, and instead of finishing freeing herself to run as far as possible, she turned her attention back to him.

The hatred seemed to have disappeared. He was looking at her now with something akin to pain.

"… You heard that ?" he whispered.

"Yeah ! So stop whining, cowboy, you're not the victim !"

"… Looks like we're both victims of my talent."

"… What ?"

As much as he hated being reminded of it, Cooper Howard had been an actor. A damn good one, no matter what the critics might have said.

He hadn't lied to Don Pedro's men when they started threatening him, willing to torture him for days just for the fun of it. Coop didn't care at all. To him, he was long dead, it made no difference.

Then they talked about doing the same to Y/N. The little vaultie who had been hanging out with him for a while. They had seen them together, the Ghoul seemed to care about her, it would be fun to tie her to a chair so he could watch them do whatever they wanted to her.

So Cooper had put on his best actor's mask, saying that they were wrong. Y/N was nothing to him. They could waste their time looking for her if they wanted, or they could do like him and enjoy a good drink.

It was proof that she was worthless, right ? That the Ghoul was at the bar sipping a whiskey instead of looking for her, while she was at risk of getting killed in the wasteland.

The truth was that Cooper had taken a bad bullet in the leg and despite his efforts, he had been unable to lose Don Pedro's men. It was too risky to look for Y/N in these conditions.

So he had tried to buy time, for her as well as for him, even if he didn't know if they would make it.

"In the end, they put me in a coffin and buried me alive."

"Coop…"

"The first few months, I waited. I told myself that you were waiting for the right moment to come and help me, hidden somewhere. They would end up guarding my hole with less seriousness. Then I thought that you had had a problem. I didn't like thinking about that, sugar. I didn't like what it could mean. And then, there was the third option, presented by Don Pedro the last time he took me out to play. He said that you had been seen nearby. And I said to myself, he's kidding, because if my Y/N was alive, she would have come. Right ? She would have come, she would have tried to free me. So I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him."

Keeping this certainty, the Ghoul had taken the road to find the witch Moldaver without trying to find information on Y/N. Either she was dead, and the last bit of his humanity would have died with her after he lost Janey, or she had abandoned him, and the result would be the same, if not worse.

"But actually… You didn't know, sweetie. You didn't know about the coffin, and you thought I was a heartless asshole who had made fun of you. I'm still a little disappointed, you could have understood that I wasn't serious."

Three years. They had wasted three years, him in a hole, and her wandering the wastelands, hating each other, as much as they missed each other, because Cooper was a good liar who didn't talk enough, and Y/N was a nervous vaultie who needed to be talked to.

"… Shit. Cooper, shit, I'm sorry."

"Nah, sweetheart. You would have come if you had known, even after hearing me. Just to kick my ass, I guess. And you brought me back my little cowpoke, when you didn't want to see me anymore."

"I would never have left her. I wouldn't have left you…"

"I know." he sighed, lowering his head. "The Mohave sun must have burned a few of our neurons, huh ?"

Y/N imitated him, ashamed. If she had arrived earlier, maybe Cooper would have seen her, he would have made a sign to let her know he was going to try something, and they would have found each other.

And if she had stayed despite the pain, she would have seen him being tortured and put in the ground, and she could have done something.

But the "what ifs" were easy. It was too late now, she hadn't trusted him despite everything he had done for her.

Still tied up, she was able to pull the picture out of her bag, biting her lip to keep from sobbing like a child.

"… You want me to give this back ?"

"… You kept it? All this time ?"

"Sure. It's stupid, I was hoping you'd come back for it eventually, like you said you would. Then I could have kicked your ass. And… It reminded me of the good times."

"Hmm. I'll take it back, yeah. You won't need it anymore."

She was about to throw it at him, or set it on the ground so he could take it later, but with a quick movement, Cooper pulled the lasso, quickly pulling her towards him.

With intense eyes, he took the picture from her hands, stared at it for a moment, before putting it in her pocket.

"Here. Where it belongs."

"The sun really fried your brain then."

"Nah, sweetie, I feel perfectly fine."

"You just said I wouldn't need it anymore."

"I don't plan on losing you again, so you don't need it anymore, no."

Stubborn, but mostly stupid, they started looking at each other in silence again, but the tension was different this time. Y/N could feel her heart beating in her chest, and judging by the Ghoul's breathing, Cooper's couldn't be any better.

However, when she took the risk of approaching her mouth, he recoiled.

"… Radiation, sugar."

"I have radaway."

"Vicious." he purred with a smirk.

"Idiot. And I thought you were the romantic type, you have to ruin this moment that I…"

The last time Y/N had kissed someone, she was still in school. The bombs hadn't exploded, there were birds in the sky, and she was far too young to know if it really mattered.

She clung to Cooper like her life depended on it, like each kiss was a breath of fresh air that she had been missing for over three years. His hat fell off, but he didn't seem to mind, too busy devouring her mouth.

"Daddy's in love ! Daddy and Y/N are in love !"

The little voice surprised Y/N, while the Ghoul placed one last kiss on her cheek before sighing, keeping her in his arms as he turned to Janey, beaming with a smile, who was jumping up and down as she watched them.

A bit further away, they could see Lucy circling the building, probably looking for the little girl she had lost. One would have thought that she was not a good babysitter, but in fact it was the kid who was good at escaping the vigilance of adults.

A good thing for Lucy, otherwise her father could have killed her for that, making her regret having entrusted her while he caught up with Y/N.

Still with one arm on her waist, Cooper indicated for Janey to come towards them, lifting her with the other.

"It's late, my sweet Cowgirl, time for you to sleep so you have enough energy to wear out young MacLean tomorrow."

"Yeah !"

They could have said goodbye to Lucy the next day. After all, Cooper's priorities were Janey and Y/N now. Revenge was still tempting, finding Barbara, making VaultTech pay for their crimes, but it didn't matter as much anymore.

However, he had promised the vaultie that they would find her father, and if possible her boyfriend Maximus.

And as his daughter and Y/N reminded him with a mischievous smile, cowboys always kept their word. The Ghoul rolled his eyes and growled, but since he couldn't really say no to them, or only by shouting 'no' while knowing that they would follow them anyway, the team set off again towards the main bucker.

Then when it was all over, they would find a quiet little spot, in the middle of the wasteland, far from all this bullshit, taking things as they came.

#fallout #the ghoul #cooper howard #cooper howard x reader #cooper howard imagine #cooper howard fanfiction

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cartwrong · 29 days ago

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20 Questions with a Fanfic Author

thank you for the tag @jamiesfootball <3

1. How many works on AO3? 25

2. Total AO3 Word Count? 65,746

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos sometimes the short end of the stick is the sharpest (217 kudos) - River doesn’t notice the knife until it slides into his side. There’s no pain at first, only the feeling that something isn’t right, that something cold is now inside his body where it shouldn’t be. The pain comes later.

the ones that make you feel whole (184 kudos) - River knew he should call in sick; he knew that, but he was supposed to finish the reports Catherine had asked for yesterday. Catherine had barely been back at Slough House a month, and this was the third time River had failed to finish an assignment by its due date.

into the trees with empty hands (128 kudos) - Lamb and River are on the run in the woods, which would be a lot easier if Lamb didn't have a concussion and River didn't have a bullet hole in his leg.

hope the skin heals where the pain enters (101 kudos) - 19 year old River surprises Isobel and her new boyfriend puts him in the hospital.

i need your hand but i don't want to burn it (100 kudos) - River and Louisa in the immediate aftermath of season three.

4. What fandoms do you write for? Slow Horses and Ted Lasso as @jamietarttsnorthernattitude here and on ao3

5. Do you respond to comments? I do! it might take me a while to respond but I do my best to respond to everything!

6. Angstiest Ending? old habits die hard, people die easier technically, it's Lamb’s thoughts as he drives to David Cartwright’s house in 4x1 so he thinks River is dead, but he's not, so does that count?

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending? Yipee-ki-yay, Shirley Dander - Shirley gets to kill people and gets the girl

8. Do you get hate? no, everyone here has been very nice to me <3

9. Do you write smut? not really. i mostly write gen and most of my fics have not included smut but i do have a river x spider fic that doesn't really have smut but has some physical elements

10. Do you write crossovers? not yet

11. Ever had a fic stolen? not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? not that I know of.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic? no, I'm not sure if I'm made to cowrite

14. All time favorite ship? river cartwright and whump <3

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will? none yet

16. Writing strengths? oh gosh, i don't know. Consistency?

17. Writing Weaknesses? the whole story. i tend to have An Idea and I start writing before outlining or anything like that so then I'm floundering. I don't plan out a story like i should with an inciting moment etc etc i just kind of wing it which I'm sure anyone reading this is like yeah i can tell, babe.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue? i think it adds something nice to fics and can be done really well

19. First fandom you wrote for? lotr a million years ago, one tiny stupid fic i wrote while high that is lost to time thankfully

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written? sometimes the short end of the stick is the sharpest but i also have a soft spot for revenge is a dish best served peeled it's just something silly that i enjoy

no pressure tags: @louisaguy @disappearinginq @tenderlywicked

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fanaticsnail · 8 months ago

Note

I Read your Doffy pollen fics and oh my GOD I’m obsessed w your take on Doffy and your writing style. It’s literally all I’ve been thinking abt today 😭😭

If you have a tag list for Doffy content I’d love to be on it :)

Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I do write him a little more submissive than dominant.

There is something about him that gives me the "I hate everyone but you" mixed with "I will turn the world upside down, tear down mountains, dry up rivers, lasso the moon and draw it towards you, just for a chance to kneel at your feet". I don't know why, but he just has that vibe. He would do anything for his spouse, in his own extremely unhinged and yandere way.

I will add you to my Doflamingo tag list. The next thing I'm planning on writing for him is "Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes - Part 3", but he does not come out on top. It's more of an alternative ending to part 2, but it's still the terror flamingo being his horrible self.

#ask snail #snail answers #Doflamingo #Donquixote Doflamingo #i just love to hate him and hate to love him

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thegreymoon · 7 months ago

Note

how is mo ran slut shaming song qiutong and orchestrating a plan to falsely prove that she's not pure as she's not a virgin not misogynistic? would mo ran have done the same if song qiutong was a man?

LOL.

Anon, if you are going to come into my inbox to hate on Mo Ran, then at least get your terminology straight. Words mean things.

No, he was not being misogynistic. Misogyny implies hating women as a whole, and he hates just this one woman in particular. He was not slut shaming her, he was slandering her. These are two different things. Obviously, he would not have been able to slander a man in the same way because the man would not have been committing a crime in the Rufeng Sect by cheating. Mo Ran chose to accuse her of cheating because he knew her well enough that he was sure she would take the appropriate bait and expose herself if he used that particular lie.

In addition, it was such a stupid lie, it would never have worked if Song Qiutong had not dug her own grave. She had at least three ways out from under Mo Ran's nonsense without harming anyone and she still chose to hurt someone instead. She was still a virgin, so she could have submitted to a medical exam. Chu Wanning was right there with his lasso of truth. Nangong Si was also right there, not believing a word of Mo Ran's bullshit.

If you had come into my inbox to argue that Mo Ran wronged her, or that he shouldn't have slandered a woman who hadn't really done anything wrong in their second lifetime based on anything but his hunch, we could have even found common ground because I do believe that Mo Ran wronged Song Qiutong in both lifetimes (though admittedly his hunches proved to be right - when given half a chance to throw Ye Wangxi, who had literally saved her life, under the bus, she jumped at it with no hesitation).

Song Qiutong did cause a lot of harm in the first lifetime, but it was all on the power she had borrowed from him. She wouldn't have been able to do any of it without him enabling her. Yeah, she was not the nicest person, but the punishment for that should not be the man who allowed and encouraged all your bullshit frying you alive. Divorcing her and setting her loose would have been more than enough, and would probably have killed her just the same.

#2ha #mo ran #mine

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jamiesfootball · 1 month ago

Text

20 Questions with a Fanfic Author

tagged by the @thewildballyntynesgrow - thanks!

Let's do this!

1. How many works on AO3?

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

233,556 words

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos

A German, a Russian, and an American Walk into a Bar (The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015), Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo/Gaby Teller, 97k) - 703 kudos

Two years of missions, from trafficking rings to spy hunters, attempted kidnappings, underground boxing matches, and sanctioned bank robberies. The three of them have found sharing secrets helps.

spoonful of sugar (Ted Lasso (TV), gen) - 314 kudos

Roy flipped through the pages. Stopping at a blank one, he held the pen at the ready. “What do you want me to write down?" Jamie chewed on his lip. Roy was on the verge of repeating himself when he said quietly, “Summer 2009. Broken arm.”

oh god, you're gonna get it (you have not been given love) (Ted Lasso (TV), gen) - 262 kudos

Roy’s got a new job, a therapist, and a niece who isn’t around as much anymore. He’s got decades of anger that’s never seen the lights of day. He’s got a coaching staff trying to move forward without Ted. He's got four footballers looking to him for answers, and one of them—the one that’s become a bit special to him—is hiding a ticking time bomb under goofy outfits and complaints about classic literature. Roy’s got one month to get his shit together before the season starts.

Bottled (Ted Lasso (TV), gen) - 244 kudos

He shakes his head and swears warmly, the way he must’ve done a million times before– “I should fucking strangle you.”

The Dick String Incident (Ted Lasso (TV), gen) - 231 kudos

Jeff was halfway through tying the string around his waist when Colin asked, “Did he say ‘you’ or ‘your?'”

4. What fandoms do you write for?

I've got a ton of unpublished fic lying around, but of the ones that are published, I've done Ted Lasso, The Man From UNCLE, The Musketeers, and One Piece. Also Original Works.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try. God, I try.

6. Angstiest Ending?

Despite the fact that ensky (One Piece) features Major Character Death, I think that one actually has a very... sublime ending. Like, Sanji may be dead, but Zoro is dedicated to carrying their relationship and rivalry, even if he has to do it alone. It's very Zoro, in his approach to things like grief and responsibility

Kettle. Kettle is, in my opinion, the darkest ending. It's one short, harrowing moment of child abuse, with nothing to soften the blow until the sequel (Bottled, which surprisingly made the top 5 kudos list).

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

whipped to a frenzy (Ted Lasso (TV))

Roy receives a text from Jamie that's either very concerning or very stupid.

Spoilers: it was very stupid.

This one simply delights me. I love writing humor, and with this one it hits so softly and fondly.

8. Do you get hate?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut?

Not often. Like fantasy or historical fiction, it's just not a genre that I often feel inspired to write, but when the inspiration does strike, sure. I'll write anything, really, so long the story inspires it (which is why I've written all of those things)

10. Do you write crossovers?

While I've had ideas for crossovers before, they've never come together into a full story for me. Which is a bummer because I currently have that as a square on one of my bingo cards : (

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not a clue

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

Yes! I've cowritten 2 fics (both on ao3) with a friend, and I'm currently going back and forth with the same friend on another possible fic now that the stars have aligned us on a similar interest

14. All time favorite ship?

Don't really have a favorite-favorite

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I've got a fic I've not updated since 2016 and I'm still holding out hope

16. Writing strengths?

I think my ability to describe things from a sensory perspective is quite good. Also, in general, I think I tend to have a really solid idea of what big idea or theme I'm writing towards with my fics. This means that when the brainrot subsides, the fic is still safe, because I've got a really good story to help keep me hooked

17. Writing Weaknesses?

I am beginning to suspect that I may have untreated adhd. Other than that, I'd say my dialogue. You know that post going around that's like 'how do you write such good dialogue' / 'I say the words out loud like I'm talking to myself'? The problem is that's still a skill, and it's a skill that I don't always have. Some times I hear the characters perfectly, sometimes I don't. When I don't, it takes a lot of work and focus to try and chisel the ideas of what a character would say into actual dialogue. I'm trying to get better at it, but it's hard.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

I don't like it when the translations are all at the bottom in the author's note, but I did once read an incredible fic that was about a character purposefully speaking in another language to see how well the person who knew them best would understand them. It was so remarkably well-done, and it's sort of the standard bearer in my head for how to write mixed language that's still enjoyable for the reader. (They also had hover-over translations for people who wanted to know what was being said, but part of the fun was trying to guess based on the context clues from the pov character)

In general, my rules for mixed language dialogue tend to be the same as my rules for using pop culture references:

would a person who doesn't know what it means still be able to enjoy it?

would someone who doesn't know what it means still be able to engage with the story being told in a similar way to the rest of the audience?

To me, it's not enough to simply have translations - you've gotta make sure the rest of the story carries the weight too. If the audience and the character are meant to be confused, great! Nicknames, titles, things like that that can be tricky to translate without losing meaning, those can usually be gleaned with some contextual clues.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I wrote one page of a Dragon Ball Z fanfic when I was 10

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh god, you're gonna get it (you have not been given love) is probably my favorite. It's been immensely satisfying to plot out, and it's giving chance to focus on character pairings that don't get a lot of in-depth attention

I do want to give a small shout out to two of my other fics though, because I'm feeling soft about them right now:

juice boxes and snacks

When Jamie was really little, his mummy used to work the swing shift.

This one is just a small introspective piece about Jamie growing up in poverty with a single mum, and how that colors his present even as his current self has come to understand it more

If I have things you need to borrow (I won't borrow what I can't earn)

Roy might have given him the captain’s band, but that’s not enough. He has to earn it. He has to put the effort in, or it doesn’t count. He needs to be worthy of it, or else what’s the fucking point?

This is my Isaac character study, where Isaac struggles to figure out how to be the sort of leader he wants to be. Featuring his friendship with Jamie and Colin over the seasons

Tagging for funsies, no pressure at all:

@abubblingcandle @altschmerzes @tenderhooked @nativestarwrites @cartwrong (if you want to do slow horses too <3)

#tag game #my fic #fic rec #yes I'm reccing my own stuff #writing stuff

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libraryofloveletters · 1 year ago

Text

Perfect Match

Andy Robertson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: ted lasso inspired - yes I used the dating app from it and what ???, reader works for liverpool, lots of friendly teasing, it's so obvious but not to them, andy's got a crush and the boys try to help him, a few sweet comments from andy, reader thinks he's hopeless, a funny but sweet moment at the end, alcohol and the consumption of, one illusion to nsfw stuff at the end.

Word Count: 3.4k

Author's Note: it's missing robbo hours :( so I dug this out of my vault of unwritten fics

---

You had been editing the pictures from the last training session, trying to see what you can send out to the players and post on the LFC account before your office door swings open. "Where are my photos?" The man shouts, his thick accent jumbling his words a bit.

The chair spins, you're face to face with your favourite left back, Andy. You smiled at him. "Hello to you too, Andrew."

You and Andy had always been close, even though you had only joined Liverpool 2 years ago. He was the first to welcome you, make you feel at home; to this day, he still does that.

"Hello to you too, lady." He smiles back at you, leaning on the edge of your desk. "How's the editing going? My fans are waiting to see my handsome face."

You rolled your eyes, "it's going.. slow. I'm doing the people of the world a great service by not letting them see your face."

Andy scoffs, "as if, you just wanna hoard pictures of me.. for you know.. dirty purposes." He bites his lower lip, a shit eating grin on his face as he raises his eyebrows.

You laughed so hard that you snorted. "Shut your face, you're so full of it."

The left back laughs, watching as you turn your attention back to the computer in front of you, clicking away. Your phone sat on your desk, face up as always - it buzzed, a chime sound came from it that Andy's never heard before nor does he seem to recognize.

"What's that?" He reaches for your phone, you attempt to grab it before he does but Andy's reflexes are faster than yours. He unlocks your phone - that's on you for leaving your password as 0000.

"Andy, give it back." You stretched your hand out for him to give it back. He scrolls through the notifications, landing on the one he assumed the noise came from; Bantr.

"There's no pictures," he huffs, trying to refresh the page. You roll your eyes, "it's anonymous, Andrew. It's not supposed to have photos."

"You're a photographer, why would you pick a stupid app like that?"

You find yourself rolling your eyes yet again. "It's that way so you can build a connection; you get to know the person based on personality and not looks."

Andy tilts his head to the side still confused as to why you'd pick such an app. "But.. you're beautiful, any man would be stupid not to see that, y/n."

Your cheeks flushed red and suddenly, the room felt as if it was closing in on you and it was 100 degrees hotter in there. "Shut up, you're such a sweet talker," you rolled your eyes.

He laughs at your statement, shrugging as he sets your phone down. Andy gets off your desk, his arms resting over your shoulders and his chin poking into the top of your head. He watches as you click through the various pictures, storing through the good and the bad, fixing minor blemishes as you went.

"You should try it, you know." You tell him quietly and Andy hums, waiting for you to keep talking. "Bantr, you should try it. You're a funny guy, you might have luck."

"Maybe," he shrugs it off, his hand lifting to squish your face. You swat his hand away.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the gym or something?"

"Yeah," he huffs, "but Mo and Trent are trying to do some sort of crunches competition and you know-" "You hate crunches, I know, Andy."

He laughs, "why would I go on Bantr when I have you, y/n?"

Your heart skips a beat, but you figured he's just joking - he's always just joking.

"Whatever, Andy. Unlike you, some of us actually have work to do."

He gets the hint; you were politely shooing him out of your office. "Yeah, okay," he nods, kissing the top of your head before squeezing your face once more. "Send me my pictures please."

"I'll edit them last."

"Saving the best for last?" He asks, turning towards the door.

"Trying to spare myself from seeing your face, I've had my fill for now." You joke, earning a laugh from the left back as he walks out of the office.

The day rolls by and you did in fact send Andy his pictures. His phone buzzes in the cup holder as he heads home, glancing at it as he pulls up to a stoplight.

To Andy: *12 Image Attachments* Stop bothering me now, Andrew.

He smiles to himself, making a mental note to text you back when he arrive home. In typical Andy fashion, he becomes distracted by the million little tasks he does when he gets home.

It wasn't until he got into bed that he remembered your message, shooting you a thank you with a little kissy face emoji and saving the photos.

Your words from earlier ring in his head as well; bantr, you should try it. You're a funny guy, you might have luck.

Andy searches it up, his finger hovering over the button for a moment before pressing it, watching as the little circle spins and it begins downloading. He follows the steps; putting in his birthday, picking his location, adding a user name.

That took him a moment - he couldn't exactly put his name, could he?

There couldn't be that many Andy Robertsons in Liverpool.

He'd feel wrong for lying and putting a fake name so instead, after a few minutes of thinking, he comes up with a user that is still him without being him.

Andy sits up, contemplating if he should delete the profile. He's a footballer, is this even okay that he's doing this? Would he get in trouble for this?

He ignores the thoughts and his thumb presses the matches tab. He swipes through a few, reading their cheesy bios before he comes across a profile that catches his eye.

The user sounded familiar but he couldn't place it, unsure where he saw it. He decides to message them while he still has the courage.

lfc26: Hey! How are you?

The reply came but a few seconds later.

photographer_10: Hi! I’m good, how are you?

lfc26: Good as well, exhausted from work.

photographer_10: I hope you get some rest.

lfc26: I just hopped into bed.

photographer_10: Me too, it’s been a long day.

lfc26: Tell me about it, and the weather’s been shit.

lfc26: That’s if you’re local. You in Liverpool?

photographer_10: Yeah, have been for a few years :)

photographer_10: Are you a fan of Liverpool?

The message stares at Andy, he feels like he’s been caught.

lfc26: I am, why do you ask ?

photographer_10: Your user lol - must be a Robertson fan, he wears 26.

lfc26: Yeah lol, a proper lad.

photographer_10: I think so too, quite funny as well.

lfc26: So I’ve heard.

He finds himself smiling, he would have never guessed he’d meet someone who was a fan of him. It warmed his heart in a weird way; not self centred but content.

lfc26: I think I’m going to head to bed, I have to be up early for work.

photographer_10: No worries at all, you take care of yourself.

lfc26: You too :)

It goes like that on and off for a week, the two of them exchanging little details about their days, flirting playfully back and forth. Andy glances at his phone every few minutes, expecting a text from the mystery woman.

It's starting to become an issue.

Everyone notices that the man who is usually on their asses about being on their phones is glued to his.

He's cycling, rather lazily to be fair - awaiting a response to his scandalous question about her workplace attire.

Mo glances over at his teammate, his brows furrow as he wonders what's on his friend's mind. "Robbo," he calls for the Scotsman. "You okay?"

Andy glances up from the phone that was now in his hand. He nods, "fine, why?"

"Because you've been glued to your phone, that's why." Virgil butts in, snatching the phone from Andy's hand which caused a protest from him. "Give it back!" He groans, hand stretched out to the captain.

Virgil shakes his head, his back to Andy as he looks down to see what's been keeping Andy so busy. "What's Bantr?" He asks, turning to Andy and Mo again.

Mo shrugs, clueless before looking to Andy for an answer. "A dating app," Andy mumbles.

Virgil and Mo exchange a glance, so many things said between the two players without actually saying it. "So that's why you've been smiling at your phone, checking it all day?" Mo asks.

Trent was passing by, per usual, butting himself into the conversation between the three players. He grabs Virgil's arms swinging himself in between the defender and the cycle Andy was on. "What's that? Andy's got a crush?"

Andy rolls his eyes, his cheeks give away his stance; curse his pale Scottish skin for giving him away. "I don't."

"You're blushing!" Trent laughs, pointing a finger at Andy's flushed face.

Virgil chuckles to himself, reading the messages between his friend and his supposed crush. "Didn't think you had it in you, man; some spicy stuff." He raises his eyebrows at him.

Andy's face only flushes further red. Trent tries to get the phone from Virgil but the man lifts his arm, even with Trent's jumping, he can't get the phone from Virgil's hand.

"Shut up," he groans, wanting the world to swallow him whole right about now.

"If you like her, why don't you just ask her out?" Trent asks, scowling at Virg as he hands the phone back to Andy and not to him. Virgil flicks Trent's ear in response.

Andy makes a face, "I can't! That's.. are you insane, man?"

Trent goes to speak but stops himself when he sees you walking over. The camera hung over your neck by its strap. "What's going on over here? Any hot gossip?"

"Who says we're gossiping?" Andy asks, smiling at you sweetly.

You shrug, glancing between the four of them. "Players all huddled together, it goes silent as I walk over; I'd say that's gossip."

"We don't gossip, we're grown men." Virgil points out, causing you to laugh. You lift the camera, taking a picture of him and Trent.

"Yeah, of course not, so does that make Macca and Darwin.. little boys?" You point behind you with your thumb, the two Spanish speaking players giggling about something as they stretch.

Virgil presses his lips together, making a dopey looking face. You laughed at him, walking off to take a few more photos of the boys on the other side of the room.

It's Saturday, match day.

Liverpool played Wolves, 4-1 and the boys were going into the next week on a good note.

Andy, per usual, finds you and offers up his company and dinner. You take him up on it, you were finished with your editing and could use the friend time.

You sat across from the man, the two of you tucked away in the back of a little Italian restaurant Jordan used to rave about. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," you tell him, taking a sip of your cocktail.

Andy hums, glancing at his phone that was face up on the table. Your brows furrow, studying his face as his finger swipes over the screen.

"Waiting for something?" You asked, raised brows when he finally looked up.

"Oh, just a message from someone."

"Someone as in.. a woman friend? Like, a hot date?" You pried, you and Andy didn't have boundaries when it came to conversation; you poked around in each others' business all the time. You both liked things messy and loud and complicated - it's who you were.

Andy shook his head, his face flushed red like when Trent accused him of having a crush. "No," he huffs, washing the butterflies down with a sip of beer.

Your face lit up, grinning at your friend. "No way! You like her!" The words come out in a sing-song tone and Andy rolls his eyes playfully annoyed with you.

"Shut up," he chuckles, taking a bite of his chicken.

You mirrored his actions, chewing your food quietly. You look at him for a moment, smiling at him. "So tell me about her."

"She's kind, and funny. She likes Liverpool so it's a perfect match."

"The bar is so low, Andy." You teased and he shrugged, smiling. "But I'm glad you found someone, I hope things work out between you two."

"Me too," he nods. "What about you? Any luck?"

"Yeah," you took another sip of your drink, "he's a nice guy, but we're taking it slow. We'll see where it goes."

"Good, let me know if he gives you a hard time and you need me to beat him up." Andy says flatly, 100% serious.

You laughed, "as if you could beat up someone."

"I'll pay Virgil to rough him up."

You two chat for a bit more, finishing up dinner and Andy talked you into splitting a massive piece of cake with him - can't have dinner without dessert, just ain't right.

Finally, after what felt like forever, you made it home. You sent Andy a quick text, thanking him for dinner and telling him you got home. You received a thumbs up in response, which meant he was about to fall asleep and was too tired to answer properly - at least he knew you were fine.

You sat on your bed, opening the app you had been ignoring for the last few hours. Clicking on the profile, you send a message.

photographer_10: Hey you.

Andy, who was about to fall asleep, feels the phone buzz in his hand. He opens his eyes, blinking to get himself to focus when he sees who has messaged him.

Suddenly, he was wide awake.

lfc26: Hi, how are you?

photographer_10: I'm good, sorry I disappeared. Had some work stuff to take care of.

lfc26: I thought you forgot about me lol.

photographer_10: Never, you’re hard to forget.

Andy smiled at the message, the butterflies fluttering around his stomach like a 16 year old boy with a crush.

lfc26: That’s sweet, you’ve got me blushing.

photographer_10: I'm sure you look very handsome.

lfc26: Hush you, I'm as red as a tomato right now.

The next message catches him off guard.

photographer_10: Now are you ever gonna ask me on a date or shall I ask you?

lfc26: Oh you beat me to it.

photographer_10: By all means, please.

lfc26: Would you like to go on a date with me?

Andy stares at the message, he isn’t even sure how long his thumb hovered over the send button. He finally worked up enough courage to hit it, but automatically locked his phone, tossing it on the bed as he rushed off to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

It was a few minutes later that he came back and saw the response.

photographer_10: I’d love to. Let me know when you’re free.

lfc26: Next week? I’m free on Tuesday.

photographer_10: Perfect, shall we meet somewhere?

lfc26: Let me be a gentleman and pick you up?

photographer_10: Sure, I’d love that :)

The arms around you cause you to jump in your seat, heart stopping momentarily. It wasn't until you saw the pale skin that you connected the dots.

"Scared me half to death, Andrew." You huffed, your attention back on the emails you were answering.

He laughs, his chin poking into the top of your head again, watching as you typed nine knots an hour on your keyboard. "Soooo," he starts and your type comes to a halt. Anytime he says that, something either extremely important or stupid follows.

"So?"

"So I sorta have a date soon, like this week. I.. it's been a while." He admits and you spin in your chair, Andy now leaning on the desk as he looks at you. "You nervous?" You asked.

He nods, "a little, yeah."

"You want my advice?"

"Is there something I should do? What's proper date etiquette ?"

"I don't think there's such a thing," you smiled. "But, if it were me, I'd like flowers. It's not a must but it's a nice touch - shows that you thought about more than just meeting the person, you wanted to make a good first impression."

"Okay," he nods, as if he's making a mental note. "Anything else?"

"Smell good, don't go straight from training. Go home and shower, do your hair, wear some cologne but not too much, you don't wanna make the poor girl sneeze." You laughed, Andy smiled.

"I always smell good."

"Do you?" You raised an eyebrow, looking at him.

Andy pulls you by your chair, sitting himself on your lap so you could smell him. "Ew!" You groaned, "Andy, get off!" He had just come up from training, and it was safe to say he did not smell good right now.

"What?" He asks, making a face at you. "Not good?" He tries not to laugh at your face, nose wrinkled in disgust.

"So gross," you huffed. "Go away before you stink up my office."

"You smell like me now," he cackled, pressing his sweaty self against you. You groaned, pushing him off of you. "I hate you."

"Love you too, y/n!"

Your music played quietly, you hummed along as you finished up your makeup. Your wine glass sat on the vanity and as you were about to reach for it, your phone buzzed.

lfc26: on my way :)

photographer_10: okay!

You sped up a bit, pulling the rollers out of your hair and shaking it out. Just a last second check in the mirror before you head down. Perfectly on time, the doorbell rings when you get to the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming!" You shouted, walking over to open the door.

Imagine your surprise when you see Andy at your front door, all dressed up, smelling good while holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Andy?" You looked at him, confused.

He blinks, looking just as confused as you. "Y/n?"

You take a moment to connect the dots and it seems Andy's doing the same. "26," you point at him and he nods. "Photographer," he mirrors your action, the two of you bust out laughing at the front door.

"I cannot believe this," you shook your head, laughing as you stepped aside for him to come in.

"I swear I didn't know it was you. I've never come to your house!" He chuckles and to be fair, it was true. You had gone to his place and you've gone out quite a few times but he's never been over to yours.

"I brought flowers, like you suggested." He passes the bouquet over to you; 26 roses all perfectly arranged and wrapped up in Liverpool red paper with a bow.

"My favourite," you smiled, smelling them. "Thank you, Andy."

He smiles, nodding. "Do you still.. you know, wanna go out?"

"Yeah," you smiled, setting the flowers on the counter. "If you want to."

Andy nods, waiting for you to put your flowers into a vase before he opens the front door.

You two ended up going to your usual spot, the Italian place on Water Street. The conversation was flowing, the two of you laughing about how you ended up there and chatted about the upcoming games. It felt normal, it felt meant to be.

You couldn't help but wonder how you missed all the signs.

It seemed that you two were meant to be.

Andy drives you home, walking up to the front door like a gentleman.

"Thank you for tonight," you smiled at him, your hand in his. Andy smiles, nodding. "No need to thank me, my pleasure."

He watches as you unlock the front door and step in. Your hand is still in his, as you look back at him. The look on your face says it before you do. "You know.. the night doesn't have to end here."

Andy hums, smiling at you. He seems to have gotten the hint.

"Yeah?" He raises his eyebrows as you pull him into the house.

The door slams shut, your lips on his as you answer him. "Yeah."

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