#i hate going thru other people
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today i found out my fav weed store has a whole back room for shrooms holy fucccckkkkkkkk i bought 2 chocolate bars and some powder to start and i microdosed before seeing dune 2 tonight. god what a huge dub
#p#Ive been looking for a reliable plug foreverrrr#i hate going thru other people#i took more shrooms after the movie too lmao im so wired
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Have been seeing some discussion again about tamlin being a good High Lord or not and I just have to remind everyone of one of the best little facts from acotar I never really seen mentioned.
Acotar, Chapter 25 Page 221
She [Alis] simply said, "Summer Solstice. The main celebration used to be at the Summer Court, but... Things are different. So now we have one here, too. You're going."
"so now we have one here too..." Because of amarantha and Tamlin being just a good person he allowed anyfae from any court to come to spring. And because no one could really go back to their courts for their respective solstice celebrations, Tamlin made sure Spring Celebrated all of them
I just think that's such a cool fucking thing. That Tamlin cared for the people coming to spring for safety, and he made changes to help everyone feel comfortable and at home. He cares about the people who live in Spring, he cares so damn much :(((
#pro tamlin#tamlin#a court of thorns and roses#acotar#Like??? i read that was was just that means what i think it does right??? and ive never seen anyone else mention thaT?!#and i didnt see like a huge mean post just the usual anti tamlin stuff slipping thru my filters#The bad high lord allegations rlly do be fighting... they dont have much to stand on but their fighting#(Ive also seen ppl call tamlin republican and guys what republican do you see being so pro immigration and open borders HUH?)#People just give any character they hate negative traits even if they dont fit cause they see it all as negative#at least be character accurate in your hating PEOPLE#i dont see no velaris being a safe haven for fae during amaranthas reign (other than its citizens)...#sorry had to throw in some rhysand and ic shade#arson yaps#man i love tamlin!!!#Going the xtra mile in my fic to emphasis how GOOD and caring of a leader his is!!#hes not perfect cause no one is but my god hes trying so hard
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the fact that they made it illegal to make ads louder than programs on tv in 2010 but haven't updated it to apply the same regulation to streaming. who do i have to call.
#jack facts#like do they think we don't notice#i truly do hate it here#i really do think that we should get to a ''you ruined it for everyone'' threshhold with ads at this point tbh#circulating ads should be a need based allowance#below a certain nw you can circulate as many ads as you want provided they follow guidelines#then above a certain nw you get a quota. you can have x number of ads circulating at a time.#and i don't mean distinct different ads that can be put wherever. no. if you have an ad on youtube that counts as one#and if you put the SAME AD on a different platform or tv channel or at the fucking gas station pumps or on a billboard or ANYWHERE#each different instance of the ad counts as another ad in your quota!#& if you have like a 1min skippable + a 30sec unskippable v of the same ad on the same platform. that counts as two. FUCK you.#and then above another nw line. you cannot have ads at all. bye you don't need them they serve no purpose they are just annoyances.#also paying influencers to hawk your shit counts as ads! fuck you!! paid word of mouth is not actual wom that is also an ad! fuck you!!!#oh u want ppl to rec ur product & u don't have any ad spots left?? well sugar you better have a fucking good product then lol :) fuck you#also if a co breaks an ad reg that co and any co it owns/parents can never make another fucking ad ever again in its existence#AND if a ceo breaks an ad reg w one co then disbands it and makes a new co and breaks ad reg w that one#then the CEO or any co they have ANY % ownership or investment in can never make an ad ever again. FUCK you.#charities/nonprofits and sole proprietorships get one (1) appeal to a total ad ban#that's IT!! ENOUGH!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND ONE MORE THING. ''pay us not to see ads on our platform/app/other thing'' should also be illegal.#''pay us for basic ass functions'' illegal. pay to win. illegal. sale/product announcements in things that are not press. illegal.#creating an ad or listing for something that doesn't exist and only manufacturing it after it is purchased. illegal.#ads that are full screen when a user has not already selected full screen on a video player. illegal.#pop up ads. illegal.#ads with audio on a platform that doesn't. illegal. video ads on a platform that doesn't have video. illegal.#ads w epilepsy triggers. illegal everywhere forever always w out needing to be reported by consumers. cannot be circulated in the 1st place#ads w graphic violence or soundscapes that mimic it. see epilepsy triggers.#ads for things that are not actually consumer products. illegal.#anything else u want to circulate like an ad must go thru other regs to qualify as psa or edu. if it doesn't qualify tough shit get fucked.#[insert gif collage of people talking extensively while wildly gesturing for emphasis here]
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Malleus having older sibling trauma. Malleus resenting how Lilia is able to openly express being Silver's parent but had to keep Malleus at arms length because of their roles. Malleus having to know someone who was presumably initially very cold and softened only as he was growing older while Silver had a very openly loving father immediately. Malleus being the child who taught Lilia how to parent and love. Malleus never feeling like Lilia truly loved him after seeing how he was able to love Silver. Malleus loving Silver because they're brothers and at the same time resenting him for having the father he always wanted.
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#am I projecting? yeah definitely#but honestly I feel like it could be really interesting in relationship to how Silver and Malleus perceive each other#what I hate is when people make Malleus ridiculously jealous of Silver though#like do I think Malleus resents the relationship between Silver and Lilia to an extent?#DEFINITELY! But again TO AN EXTENT#Malleus isn't going to hate Silver for this lol he knows that doesn't make sense#he still loves his brother yk#but yeah Malleus not being able to openly experience love and then Silver receiving allat has got to sting#his role as prince determines he will always be held at a distance from his world and that's best conveyed thru his relationships with dias#especially as a child with lilia#anyways I also dislike Maleficia and the BV senate because it's definitely their fault such roles even exist between Malle and everyone#okay that's. ramble done.#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#twst lilia
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Going to walk into the fucking water 🙏👍🚶➡️🌊
#going insane. cant sleep the fucking constant irregular snoring… ahut the fuck uppppp please#no peace or autonomy in the day and i can’t even rest at night. day 2 of 2 weeks 👍#earplugs do not drown it out. i can’t sleep through it. im going genuinely insane#like distress tolerance works for not like clawing my own face off out of hate#but it does feel like 2 straight weeks of keeping my hand in the Dune pain box#exactly how I prefer to spend my only time off from my phd coursework btw#seething with sublimated resentment and anger while wearing Steel Plated Happy Mask#god forbid I get to relax or have a nice time with people who like me or cook food or read in bed#nope ! just holiday hate and competitive ulcer cultivation.#not going to put my head thru a wall because i’m an adult with emotional control#but sooo awesome to get to spend the next 2 weeks exhausted and wishing I could#and then straight back into constant work. awesome. Not clawing face off. Doing awesome#btw dbt is great for some things but i do hate how it is like. aorry if your environment sucks and other people are tangibly causing you#real distress. however : it is your responsibility to absorb the impact and defuse it#Like pleeease I’ve had the best year of my liiife why is 36 hours with my parents enough to send me straight to hell#at that point I feel the problem is less my emotional regulation skill#and more that when people treat me badly or in ways i find upsetting i become naturally: Upset?#big if true. whatevwerrrr okay im just going to sit in the fucking hotel lounge and work on fic or somwthing. fine
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looking for a replacement for duolingo and i am truly losing my mind at how far these language learning apps go to try to hide the fact that they require a paid subscription to learn just about anything
#i mean i guess i can't be mad at them. they're right it is only 15 minutes#anyways a few apps didn't even mention a subscription plan in their description at all...... good way to make people hate you i think#like just to be clear i'm not mad that these apps aren't free. i get that making apps like this takes a ton of time and money and knowledge#i just want them to be up front about it#anyways. trying memrise out now and i like that the lessons are smaller more bite sized but no placement test... only way to skip ahead#is to go right to intermediate...#btw yes i did scroll thru the rest of the lessons on ling and i am not misrepresenting things. every other lesson was locked
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Fuck this entire week oh my fucking godddd. This felt like a little trial. Hurdles to get through the last of Busy Season for the year.
This week:
I shut down my store's entire IT system while being guided through a troubleshoot and it took ~45 minutes to fix it
Rolled + landed on my ankle on my walk to work on Halloween. Had to limp into work.
On Halloween I also had to kick out an intoxicated dude on a bike who tried to serve himself water out of a crushed, grimy to-go cup by leaning his entire body over the bar after going to the registers to ask ME for a cup of water. Left after telling me he has two no-trespassing orders from my store.
Had to hobble my way home because I had no way of getting a ride because my city closes down half the streets for Halloween.
Worked through my bruised and busted up ankle for ~3 days while another coworker called out to. Probably catch up on school work.
Nearly cried at work like. Several. Times. Partially from overwhelm and confusion and now partially from pain.
Watched my boss feel immensely bad after seeing My Ouchie and then went home. (<- only for my fiancé to come in to pick me up and then when I wasn't there, tell my boss and coworker that I should have called out today which is. Correct.)
Now I'm really just sitting with my injured leg Up High and On Ice
I got to see some fireworks, dress up as Will Graham, my coworker gave me the last of her cigarettes, and I got to post fic though so. Not all bad. I guess.
#also dealt with so many people upset I didn't have Bathrooms/Chairs/Tables and wasn't in control of the city meters#guhhhhhhh I hate busy season#people are so needy I can't actually do anything or talk to anyone. my boss is at her worst.#I can't wait to do nothing but elevate my leg and then ice + heat it on and off. for like. three days.#all this to tell myself that I could probably do with some fucking cheering up#the sudden transition of feeling immensely overworked and under appreciated at work to injuring myself in a really visible way#and working thru it to the others' horror is. something. it's not good. but it's something.#it's what happens when you go through life being doubted about your illnesses/pains/etc.#you develop a higher pain tolerance (imo) and those people trust you less so you hide it and work through it.#and then normal people eventually see what you can Work Through and go 'holy shit hey don't fucking do that. why would you do that.'#why because every time I was in pain it was 'sure you are' until I just got good at working through the pain. simple as.
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#hi. this is going to be an ugly one#feel free to skip this because its gonna be rough#personal#in the winter of 2015 my girlfriend took her own life. she said she was sick and stayed home from school#she texted me “I love you.” and i knew she was gone before anyone would tell me#her parents murdered her. not directly. they didn't lay a hand on her. but they made her life so miserable that she felt she had#no other choice than to die. because they were homophobic. because they didn't believe in mental illness.#because they believed she could be 'cured' thru jesus. and they didn't love her for who she really was#and i hate them. i hate them more than any people on earth. because they will never admit it#they will never admit their role in her death. they blamed it on her eating disorder and brushed everything else under the rug#i didn't get to know her that well before she died. we only knew each other a few months.#and i.... god damnit#it still makes me so angry#this was nearly 10 years ago i cant fucking believe it.#her parents got all the fucking sympathy in the world when they deserved none.#they fucking killed her. anyone who actually knew her knows it. but no one is brave enough to say it#her dad worked at the school i had to go to for 3 more years and i just wanted to#either crawl in a hole or punch him in his stupid fucking face#everytime i saw him. she's dead because they couldn't conceive of a world where she could be gay and happy#or athiest and a good person. she told me she didn't believe any of the stuff her family did and i nearly threw up at her funeral#because it was all about god and jesus. and honestly it was barely about her. it was all about jumping on the pity train#for their poor parents.#i ran away from the casket. i didnt think she wouldve wanted any of this shit. i couldnt bear it#and i think. they sent her to one of those bullshit religious camps that abuse kids instead of actually treating their conditions#i honestly dont know what all they put her through. it makes me sick to imagine it.#i get all worked up about this everytime its terrible. i just cant understand how you can do that to your own child#and they fucking got away with it.#it makes me so furious beyond fucking reason like its un fucking real#sometimes living is . much harder than dying. i cant really elaborate much more than that#i miss you.
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another day another taco bell drive thru murder-suicide
#two nickels#actually the other one was aggravated assault and the guy survived. still#anyway this time i was in the walmart next door. oblivious#what the hell is it about taco bell that just attracts violence when im nearby. is it me#(cause of death not yet determined btw. but the last one a guy beat another guy unconscious like RIGHT before i got there#turned right the fuck around and went home. i also once almost got run over by a man asleep at the wheel of his pickup truck#at a. you guessed it. taco bell drive thru)#anyway sorry im not trying to make light of someone's literal death like thats horrifying. its just WHY IS IT ALWAYS TACO BELL?#(dont worry btw i didnt just like leave the unconscious man there like the cops were on their way and there were lots of people on the scen#already so. like. i JUST want to make it clear i did not see an unconscious man and drive away)#mia.txt#IM SORRY AGAIN IM NOT TRYING TO LIKE MAKE JOKES ABT SOMEONE'S DEATH IM JUST IN SHOCK#update: it was road rage :( a woman cut a guy off at the drive thru so he fucking shot her. what the hell is going on anymore i hate it here
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*looks like they just crawled out of the trenches in the middle of a nuclear war*
Haha hey, y’all remember batim and cupbead fandom back in 2018? Yea, fun times
#random post#those were the last fandoms I was really into </3#I know so much information from the time I spent on those fandoms. the events. the ocs. the askblogs#a part of me wishes I could go back to appreciate the good moments a lil more. with more clarity#but also it’s for the best I moved on. I mean#so many of those people kinda HATE each other now lol. who would wanna recreate that?#anyways if you were also active in those fandoms within that timeframe#and I see me make smth and go ‘wait a sec’ chances are my deep subconscious integrated smth I saw at 14 lol#there’s some gold there u just gotta sift thru the shit first
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Ofc you overanalyze your photos sauce, of course
the sassy little hands on hip pose football men love to strike when they're waiting isn't helping you either cringeking 💔 guyfailure
idk what he's complaining about, they're trying to make him gorge and not weird guy gorge, stop being a hater to your helpers, sauce
#trying to run them off like he did kyle the cable guy smh#complaining abt how they made u pretty smh#THEYRE HELPING SHOWCASE VIABLE ATTRIBUTES OF YOURS TO !#..potential suitors!!!#im not saying aaron i hate aaron#PLS FIND A NORMAL DCK TO SIT ON PLS SAUCE PLS#in my world derek stingley liked this post bcs he is being supportive and humble#and sauce found out from scrolling thru the likes to see if aaron liked it#but (bcs he needs a therapist) he convinced himself it had to have an ulterior motive bcs why would his NEMESIS be kind?!?#this is trickery.#it did not take sauce long to pick apart details and degrade others over silly things no one else cares abt#virgo man power activate (kills two people)#and now hes posting this text in his defense to let the world and stingley know this was not his doing#he is still masculine!! he SWEARS!!!#good. now that hes defended himself#he can go back to begging aaron to let him taper his beard to the side with lots of whimpers and plses & im an empath#involved#a saucecessful mission in his eyes#his unwell eyes#sauce
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I have THREE weddings to attend next October and one is in VERMONT during peak leaf peeping season please consider this cautionary tale if you are about to befriend any gay women
#the vermont wedding is for my (other) sister and the other two are in state but one is at the stanley hotel skskskdfjkslssk#im helping my sister plan out the bachelorette party and sending inquiries to all the bars and restaurants in the area#and it is genuinely so funny how many places just flat out ban any parties#i remember people talking about 'oh yeah in your late 20s youre gonna have so many weddings to go to'#but i dont think i really grasped just how expensive it is to go to 5 weddings a year much less be in them#ive already spent so much money this year on flying out to bachelorettes and buying dresses and getting wedding presents#not to mention the weddings themselves#and im only like 15% of the way thru everything. i just spent $85 on a dress for one wedding and i still have 4 to get specific dresses for#plus different shoes for most of them because theyre all in different locales and some are outside#honestly though it could be worse because theres only one bridal party im a part of where i hate the groom. thats a win
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i was so set on replaying veilguard for the davrinmance but oh my god im SO attached to my agent-of-fenharel hardingmancer rn i actually think the choice is out of my hands lol
#oc: evander#datv#tay plays datv#datv spoilers#deia's brother btw !!!! very much giving anders vibes if anders was kind of deadbeat oldest son who frequents the club#him having sold out the inquisition on solas's instruction and then falling for one of the scouts who was hurt the most by it#very much a mirror to solavellan except theyre literally just people and ultimately victims of their leader's organizations overarching war#and harding being sympathetic to solas enough to reach evanders conscience even during Peak radicalization#but holding solas accountable enough to potentially sway evanders mind#and then evander learning the truth about solas but also specifically what that means for harding the person hes grown to love#having to reconcile that his own rebel-fantasy is not more important than the very real pain his loved ones have gone thru as a result#and like figuring out what going forward looks like. is he STILL sympathetic but its tempered? or does he go full anti-solas in an act of#redemption which would also probably involve him telling harding to embrace her anger and not her loving side?? which is kind of the invers#of his own arc.#GOD.#AND THEN ITS LIKE. DO I KILL OFF HARDING AT THE END???? THAT WOULD BE SOOOOO CRAZY FOR THE *STORY*#i think she has to live actually bc i hate the fridged wife trope and solas Is ultimately redeemed in this worldstate#and if harding died bc of solas (and evanders varricmancer sister also lost varric) evander WOULD be team kill immediately no exceptions#but still food for thought#god. chat i am fucking COOKING today this is crazy#hes not technically my rook bc he works way better in the story as a ~companion~ to deia (his sister) the actual protag#but both he and matthas (the other pro-inquisition brother) could arguably have been the Rook as well.#all 3 of the mercar siblings were AT the ritual but for different reasons (evander to aid solas. matthas to kill solas. deia to stop him)#so MAYBE I WILL romance harding instead this time...... how are we feeling abt hardings romance babes is it good. do we recommend
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why yall be out here on tumblr and twt n say dumb shit 🤦♀️ im pissed. some of yall arent meant for the real world if u still think heterophobia exists. these bitches crawling all over twitter especially. most of yall so grown but act like children and its always on twitter too. ?????? less crying more job finding. and dont get me started on those neet stay at home weebs who dehumanize women bc the only kind of women they see are in animes. ☠ and no straight people will ever truly understand how hard it is being gay why the fuck do u guys water down our struggles so much. at least ur considered fucking normal why cant u be fucking grateful for that and leave those "i hate straight ppl /srs" queers as stepping on shit. wipe it off on dry concrete and move the fuck on. but dont tell us to do the same because you know we arent treated normally no matter how open minded people have become by the years. theres still millions, or. billions of people opposing to us. is it the same to yall? probably like, only 10 people genuinely hate straight people in this world. "i hate gay people /srs" is like an anvil dropped on you. everyday a queer or trans person gets harassed verbally and physically just for being the way they are. be fucking grateful you're straight and you dont experience this thing. fuck you. homophobia and "heterophobia" struggles will never be equal. because the latter isnt real. so idk what to tell yall. again fuck u if u seriously think heterophobia is real. im taking that shit as fucking mockery to real homophobia that actually happens everyday. be fucking grateful ur naturally inlove with the opposite gender
#angel's rants#heterophobia isnt real 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌#i said what i said#yall never went thru smth like queer ppl did stop acting fucking oppressed#yall r considered the norm and we've been oppressed since like... forever and yall choose to do this. ??#if yall see one gay person say they hate straight people then u havent seen thousands of other homophobes supporting harassment to lgbt 💀#has there been a case of a straight person getting harassed just for being straight? neva heard of it 🤷♀️#stop acting oppressed. yall know yall are normal and common but we arent. fuck you seriously like fuck you i hate you#i didnt choose to be lesbian did i?#no straight person would choose to be gay only to be harassed on the daily#fuck you#also kind of vent :| being gay isnt fun most of the time and these “heterophobia!!!!” people makes it worse#if u really fucking oppose to this go n kys
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miss the early days of my tma listen when i was conspiracy theorizing and genuinely freaking out about michael distortion appearances. michael went craazy he is SO scary to me
#was passionately talking about this the other day#michael is barely an avatar. obviously he is but the issue is that he didn't like.. fall into it like so many of the others#he wasn't predisposed to anything in particular he wasn't introduced to the fears thru falling into them#like. avatars are most often drawn towards their domain. one way or another. jon wanted to understand. martin was lonely. etc.#michael was completely unaware. wrong place wrong time. and i mean that checks for spiral but you get what i mean#one day he was normal human michael abroad with his boss and the next he was an avatar he was Barely acceptable and that. that is why#the spiral got him but it's also why he was nuclear levels of batshit insane on top of being spiral#even helen makes sense. Extremely Normal Person who got baited in by michael - she overpowered him bc she was still like#somewhat normal in the head just in terms of awareness of whats going on#michael wasn't. michael was out of his goddamn mind. past the whole spiral situation he was part avatar and part victim moreso than a#lot of other avatars and that's why he was Like That. PLUS he worked at the institute and had a serious hatred for it#and i mean think spiral=psychosis=paranoia and him stalking first sasha then jon#but. such a good fucking character to kind of lead in the situation. here is a spiral of the avatar that you have to handle while you're#putting all the pieces together. he is extremely confusing. this is not because he is also confused but it is a part of it#he is not mindless but he is out of his mind. more than helen. more than any other avatar because he was grafted into the picture#while most avatars fall into it. here is the beginning of the end. he worked at the institute just like you. he is insane. more insane#than a spiral avatar should be. he is Weird and Wrong and he toys with people because he is angry.#poor jon's trying to understand the bigger picture and the best piece that he has is literally like a shattered mirror of a man#that hates him so fucking much#and that's all he had to work with. for so long.#poor sasha. had to try to explain an encounter with the spiral of all things. an avatar of the spiral that barely understood himself.#u get what i mean.#also the fact that he is SO fucked up. in design and how he acts. he's SO scary. rabid angry thing.#something abt helen psychically overpowering michael bc hes a fluke vs jon straight up stabbing elias bc he's like an avatar supersoldier#*tangled in red string tripping over a corkboard* michael and jon are mirrors. yes the mirror is distorted. yes that is the entire point#thee michael distortion. distorted. grafted into the spiral when its ritual imploded. even weirder and wronger than an avatar of the#spiral should be because he wasn't supposed to be one at all. poor fit. and then the avatar-victim jon licherally stabbing elias#narrative foils. impossible ultra freak of nature n his rage. and a skin graft of every single fear. with a knife. and his rage
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elaborating a little on the tags this is me still having Not Slept Yet so the words are mush but a) covid Very Much was classed as a collective trauma but we're not treating it Like It Fuckin Is
b) like not everything is a trauma response obvs sometimes people are Just Dicks but. a big trauma thing For Me was needing control to an unhealthy degree which in turn feeds into The Moral Hell Spiral an i mean. gestures at the uptick in "if it's even Slightly ick then you should kill yourself" rhetoric
#jackals barks#another big thing 4 me is isolation+ the spiral of 'you havent interacted. they hate you now. don't reach out. they hate you now'#which is not healthy bc a) FALSE?? an b) that puts the weight of reaching out Only On the other person#an like Is something I'm working on via kicking an screaming the entire time so i wouldn't be surprised if thats Also a struggle#anyways i haven't slept so tldr we are all Going Thru It but also. sometimes. people are just cunts
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