#i hate feeling left without a support network and

[dotthings]

The few Dean fans left in the Destiel lane have big soft spots for Cas and I feel that gets taken advantage of. Cas is important to me, I connect with Cas similarly to how I do on Dean, so it’s feelings in stereo all the time shipping this ship, I use neither just for a ship, I ship because of my feelings for both. But majority of the Destiel lane is dominated by Cas stans, who are the loudest and most numerous and get most of the engagement, and it’s not a very Dean supportive environment. Don’t confuse Dean fans who love Cas, and Destiel being a ship we love, because we love and respect both characters, with a willingness to tolerate the rancid Dean hating takes from Cas stans or willingness or obligation to be NICE to Cas stans who hate on Dean.

My love for Cas doesn’t mean I’m going to be NICE when Cas stans start in on Dean. (I had to ditch a lot of the Dean stanning lane due to how they treat Cas, and I’ve done the same due to how Cas stans treat Dean).

And if I had a dime for every time a Cas stan complained about me and said I only use Cas for my ship…while they don’t care how Cas stans treat Dean or how they use Dean for a ship. Not to mention—relevant context, I’m one of the og Cas fans. I was fascinated with him from his first appearance. I was there for S7 and the Save Castiel campaign. I sent a blue tie to the network. Once I loved Cas, I could not imagine spn without Cas. When Cas gets lost, I mourn with Dean.

The potency Destiel has for me has been amplified by how complex Dean and Cas are and that I love and relate to both of them. Dean and Cas brainrot forever, not just “shipping Destiel.”

[13eyond13]

Hello I just excited saw your tags on an L post about what you think his enneagram type is !!! Can you go deeper into what u see his type as and why?? :)

Hi hi! I got into the Enneagram a couple years back for funsies, and I think L is probably a Type 5 with a 6 wing, which I guess is called either "The Troubleshooter" or "The Investigator" (lol, fitting).

The Type 5s tend to be quite logical and independent and intelligent, very focused on gathering information and sussing out meanings and analyzing and interpreting data. The Type 6 tends to be skeptical and private and cautious and focused, which I think would be his most likely secondary type (rather than the Type 4, which is a bit more of an artsy and emotional and sensitive type).

Here is what the write-up for the 5w6 says:

People with an enneagram type 5 wing 6 personality usually identify the most with the type 5, but also share traits with the 6 type. They tend to be practical, independent, and logical in their behavior. They are much more cooperative than other 5 types and have a passion for using their knowledge to solve real-world problems.

Basic Fear

Five wing sixes fear being useless or incapable. They seek to improve the world around them in order to feel worthy.

Basic Desire

Their basic desire is to be competent and useful. They usually show this by picking up new skills and pieces of knowledge that can be of benefit.

Troubleshooters may withdraw from others to cope with stressful situations, which can tend to make them feel lonely.

In summary, Enneagram 5w6 personalities tend to...

Be hard-working and analytical problem-solvers

Withdraw from others when stressed

Prefer to spend time thinking alone

Fear being incapable or incompetent

Make practical and logical decisions

Enneagram 5w6 Strengths

Being focused and well-organized

Passion for learning and growing

Solving difficult or complex problems

Remaining calm in times of crisis

Enneagram 5w6 Weaknesses

Struggling to relate to and understand others

Tendency to be private and defensive

Being perceived as cold or aloof

Difficulty taking action when uninspired

How Enneagram 5w6 personalities like to work

Communicating with an Enneagram 5w6

Avoid emotional expressions and allow five wing sixes space to think and process.

Meeting with an Enneagram 5w6

Keep meetings short and sweet; focus on clearly addressing the purpose.

Emailing an Enneagram 5w6

Be direct when emailing, allowing five wing sixes to share insightful and new ideas.

Giving feedback to an Enneagram 5w6

Offer constructive criticism and honest feedback; give specific areas for improvement.

Resolving conflict with an Enneagram 5w6

Focus on logically expressing your perspective; work toward a mutual understanding, allowing them time to think privately, if needed.

Enneagram 5w6 Motivations

Enneagram 5w6s tend to be motivated and energized by...

Solving or preventing problems

Spending time alone to gather their thoughts

Feeling like they’re contributing to society

Pursuing knowledge in the specific area that sparks their personal interest

Enneagram 5w6 Stress

Enneagram 5w6s tend to be stressed and drained by...

Spending too much time around others

Needing to be emotionally vulnerable

Feeling unwanted or rejected by others

Self-doubt and insecurity

--

I think it all sounds a lot like him. The introversion and fierce independence, the problem-solving skills and preoccupation with privacy when socializing, withdrawn when moody and listless when uninspired, etc. The list of strengths and motivations reminds me a lot of him when he is successfully honing in on Kira during the beginning of the story, and the stresses and weaknesses remind me a lot of L when he is struggling more during the Yotsuba Arc.

[autogyne-redacted]

Let's Talk About Security Culture: Why Keeping Secrets is Cool and Sexy

It's a natural impulse -- if you love crime -- to want to talk about how great it is. And if you hate America, it's only natural to want to share your dreams for its future with the rest of tumblr dot com. It can feel brave and transgressive. And there is a drive to share your soul with the world at the heart of social media. Surely I should be posting the most concrete implications of my politics, right? This is the poster's curse.

Security Culture refers to a set of "best practices" developed over the past several decades, largely (in a US context) coming out of radical environmental groups as they faced intense state repression, infiltration and entrapment. If you're not familiar, there's some fascinating crimethinc write ups to give you a window into that world:

Much of it boils down to: don't talk about crimes, past or forthcoming with people who don't need to know about them, and be mindful of the possibility of surveillance and infiltration. And, we can support each other as a community in minimizing risks, with an eye towards enabling bold action rather than getting bogged down in fears and anxieties. The guidelines that make sense for AG-based trouble-makers are different from the guidelines that make sense for posters, but plenty of common principles apply. To speak briefly to our position here as posters:

First, it bears saying that long term anonymity is nearly impossible to maintain. Unless you've never accessed Tumblr without a vpn, and avoided connections with other ppl who can be associated with you/your location, and never shared pictures without scrubbing metadata, and a bunch of other 100% consistent steps, it's trivial for the state to know who you are.

Second, just because something isn't actively being prosecuted now doesn't mean it can't be prosecuted later. The priorities of the state change and a shift in power towards the right or a growth in radical action from the left can suddenly make it a priority to destroy anarchist networks or just find a few ppl to prosecute as examples (who probably weren't that plugged into larger networks before getting arrested). Advocating for specific anti-government crimes or declarations of intent to commit such crimes are likely prosecutable, and even if charges don't stick, they're an easy vector for legal harassment.

Third, it's worth thinking about heat as separate from prosecutability. There are modes of engagement that may not be directly criminalized but signal that you are someone worth watching. Some people choose to be public in ways that make heat unavoidable. But it's worth noting that heat isn't strictly individualized, that it persists over time but also is going to shrink over time.

It's easy on here, ime, to see yourself as a proud member of the crime fandom but not much of a content creator. And it's easy to feel like you've generated an amount of heat where you're locked into that role. But heat you generated 10 years ago is probably pretty well gone. Heat you generated 5 years ago has faded substantially. It's worth thinking about how the world might shift in the coming years and what doors you want to keep open.

The non-individualized nature of heat also means that leaning into the spiciest of anti-state positions will make it a bad idea for people who are acting out those positions end up tied to you. Loudly talking about how "more people should be doing [X/Y/Z]" unfortunately sets you up to remain distant from people who might be doing or thinking about doing such things.

Which brings me back to: keeping secrets is sexy. Not spelling everything out builds intrigue. You can lay out a theoretical position and leave working out the practical implications of that as an exercise for the reader. There's value in opacity. The poster's curse and the drive to confess are extremely convenient for the state, but we can resist them. We can hold dreams in our hearts that we refuse to offer up to the posting spectacle.

[drunkkenobi]

Hi bb, ty for the prompt to write my thoughts!

So I can't get on tumblr at work anymore unless I go outside to get good signal on my phone so I have only been privy to what's going on here today from friends on discord. So maybe I'm missing some nuance or the what my mutuals think and I apologize in advance for that but I'm going to speak plainly.

This is the only way Watcher is going to survive.

The view counts have been steady through Mystery Files season 2 but they aren't, like, astronomical. A video with a million views nets a channel between $10,000 - $30,000. Guys. That's nothing for Watcher. They have to pay each of their 25+ employees a salary with insurance and benefits and for everything else their channel requires. Steven said in the video today that a season of Ghost Files costs hundreds of thousands of dollars. I don't think everyone is hearing that part and understanding how much money that is, especially compared to many other YouTubers they watch. I'm not an expert on other YouTubers but I look at the Sims people I watch. They are successful with views in the hundred k range because they are a company of one. Themselves and maybe paying a freelancer to help edit their videos. For one person, the stakes are lower and the potential for profit is higher! Especially for gamers that are filming in their homes. YouTubers like this, making niche content on the cheap, are who is going to make it in YouTube now.

Watcher is none of those things. They have, from day one, wanted to make high quality unscripted content. All of their shows are shows. They aren't just "Ryan and Shane do [thing]" or "Steven eats [whatever]". They are shows, like ones you see on cable TV or any streamer. And shows are not cheap. Unscripted is cheaper, sure, than scripted. But that doesn't mean cheap. Especially not with the sheer production value we've seen on all their shows, in particular Ghost Files (hundreds of thousands of dollars). That is how much something like Ghost Adventures costs, which is on Travel Channel, an actual TV network that puts up all those costs.

So. That's why Watcher has to pivot to survive.

I think it's a great idea, personally. And yes, I am in a position where I can financially afford it no problem, which I know is a privilege! I am very lucky in that regard. And I understand that many people are upset they won't see the boys as easily on YouTube anymore. That is valid! But they have openly said they are totally fine with password sharing and I think that's a great way to cut down on costs for some folks. Also right now there's a great deal on the yearly sub for early subscribers. $40 for a year is cheaper than any streaming service and it doesn't go to anyone other than Watcher.

I understand that people feel hurt and blindsided, but I think Watcher is also feeling this too. They have been so excited about this and being able to make whatever they want without having to worry about sponsors and now they're mostly seeing anger directed their way. Especially at Steven. Steven is not rich. You know who's rich? David Zaslav, a man who is single-handedly ruining Warner Brothers and making himself a billionaire while he's at it. THAT is the kind of person we should be directing our anger at streaming prices and quality of the media landscape at. Not one small business that is just trying to survive so they can continue paying their employees.

And one more thing. I've seen folks saying they'd rather watch more ads than pay and while I get that, that's not going to help Watcher make what they want. YouTube famously demonetizes videos with swears which is why I can't watch a video with DRAG QUEENS without every other line being bleeped and Watcher has been so good about not bleeping their content because they know we would hate it. And YouTube does this because of advertisers. Advertisers only want to appeal to the most broad of audiences so that means not supporting anything slightly left of center. Having to deal with ads sucks from the creator perspective and does not help them in the long run.

Anyway, this is all a bit rambling, but these are my thoughts on WatcherTV. I'm extremely excited to subscribe and make them make more Weird Wonderful World. I hope to see you all there.

[pawberri]

Uh, someone who’s most likely in the situation you described. Who’s starting to break past their skepticism and trying to start working on myself. Any tips?

My biggest thing is that when you decide to come out you should give those you trusted to come out to permission to gender you correctly and like "come out for you" to people because it's so nice when your support system fills up without you having to burden yourself with coming out to each and every person and debate them on ur right to exist... and even when people don't support you they have to go thru the buffer of other people... i did it en masse through social media and through my family gossip network and it was so much less exhausting than the other side of my family that doesn't whisper network the info to each other... you will feel like it's a burden and a big risk but it's good for allies and people who aren't hurt directly to help you and split the labor of it... and even when people are cruel and homophobic to you life gets better when they're gone and you're not teetering on the edge of being hated or not hated. also I wrote a note to my parents and left it in the house so I didn't have to say it to their faces lol

All of this hinges on safety of course but if you're safe... do it...

Also stop honoring the opinion of anyone who treats you poorly as valid. Before you're out it will feel like it takes an absurd amount of generosity to be kind, but once you see just how little it costs someone to respect you and how many people WILL respect you... you'll see how cruel and pointless bigotry is. If you keep considering it a valid position to treat you like shit you'll be burdened thinking about whether or not you deserve to be a person and You Do Deserve To Be A Person. The position that being transgender is bad or scary is a wrong and unjustifiable one and is a flaw of the person holding it and not you

Also don't wait to come out to start hormones or making steps towards presenting how you want

[moniairis]

I love the team ADeuce + Grim and Prefect. They rent free in my head. I mean, I love the 1st year gang in general, but these four have a special space in my heart.

They are such a wholesome team of friends. I've always loved Deuce since day 1, Ace came a little after. But they gained my eternal love and respect after they travelled by public transport to Sage island because they had a "help we're stuck" text. Two 16 years old straight up left their families and home during the FREAKING holiday (the only few weeks they can see family during the school year-) so they could help their two friends by traveling for 2 or more days in public transport. They deserves the world for it (even if calling the police would have been quicker- The feeling are there and well received-)

And don't get me started on Grim because, like I would do to my cat, I would forgive him anything. Like. He doesn't want the tuna because it's not his usual brand ? Yeah you little picky one. You annoy me. You will eat this....okay don't look at me like this, I will get you your usual one tomorrow. Can I pet you ?

For Ace and Grim it's more a kind of love-hate, like you love your annoying sibling. "You are a jerk. But you will fight for me and I will fight for you. And your funny. And sometime cute. Don't smile at me like this-". And Deuce is a sweetheart. I can say a lot but between the chick incident and "I want to make my mom proud of me now-". Boy had his redemption arc before the start of the game, let me be there and support you 🥺

So, all of this to say I love them. They are a wholesome team of friends. And they feel like home. The kind of feeling you only have with close friends. People who will see you at your best and your worst and wants you whatever you are at your best or worst. People who will love your qualities and your flaws, see in you and love things in you you thought everyone would hate. The kind of people you go see to "do homework/help for something. But not long, we have things to do" and screw up things. You ended up talking about all and nothing until night falls and after.

Someone once told me they are friends you make that become your family, a second family you made for yourself and have chosen. I really think that the kind of friendship these four have/will have. They care for each other. Will go save the others/worried to death even if -honestly- the others kinda deseved it (we remember all the Anemom incident, the text of Scarabia without respond without thinking ADeuce would freak out or the "leaving school to save Grim without telling anyone". I mean- They are a chaotic group- They take turn in facepalming and competiting for the 1st place at the most problematic member of the team-). They are like a bunch of siblings facepalming/laughing at the mess another made but who will always be there for each other.

EVERYTHING, just to say I started to write a Shroud family fluff and had the need to write a whole page about a "broom trip" - a road trip with broom of these four during the summer break between their 3th/4th year. Like "come on buddies. We're are freshly adults. And we're going to go on a trip before we're going to be busy with internship/graduation/future." Obviously they ended losing themsleves in unknow woods. Obviously no network. Yes. They did fight a Phantom again. Yes. I have now a new thing to write about the whole trip because it has nothing to do in the Shroud family fluff but it's super fun-

I need to learn how to summarize things and go to the point.

[whathorselegs]

An unnecessarily long ramble about Shirase's role in Storm Bringer - Part 1

Storm Bringer's Themes and Shirase

At it's core, Storm Bringer is about the many ways someone can be dehumanized and also the many ways a person can exhibit humanity without necessarily being 'human'. Nearly every major character within this book showcases these themes from Chuuya to Adam, to Verlaine, to Dazai.

And yes, even Shirase, however I think the way these themes affect Shirase's character is overlooked a bit, because compared to everyone else, he's ordinary and often times being annoying. The dehumanization he experiences isn't some Big Bad, but that doesn't mean it's not there. The way he regains his humanity is with an internal struggle. It's not as exciting as everything else, so it's no wonder it doesn't get talked about as much.

However, I'm obsessed with it, so I'm going to talk about.

The Dehumanization of Shirase

'The young man would then rivet, wipe, and remove its burrs. Then another part would come his way. Rivet, wipe, file. Rivet, wipe, file. Rivet, wipe, file. Rivet, wipe, file. He would do that as many times as it took until he eventually thought, I've had enough of this. After finishing the next metal part, he was going to quit and go home. He had that same thought every single time he worked until the bell eventually rang, letting all the workers know that their shift was going to end in five minutes. Only during those five minutes did the young man feel some what human.'

This is how we are introduced to Shirase and for me it's one of the grimmest passages in the book. There are certainly events that are more horrifying, but this is grim in such a mundane way, and its because this is how a lot of people spend their lives. This is the type of dehumanization real people can easily relate to.

Working day after day, hour after hour as a cog in a machine, loosing everything you are to your job that you hate until the end of the day where you can regain your sense of self.

Asagiri will often not use a character's name at the start of chapter to create some mystery as to who they are, specifically he does this a lot for Dazai. However it's still interesting me that in this whole passage, it's not until the last paragraph that Shirase is named. By Chuuya. Until then, he's nobody, just a faceless worker, only becoming a person once he's relevant to the plot.

In this passage it's also noted that some of the other workers try to invite Shirase to eat together, but Shirase declines. They are all older than him, it doesn't mention any names and there's no indication that Shirase considers them his friends. Why would he? This is a place were he doesn't even feel like himself, how could he possibly form friendships?

The most interesting way, to me, that Shirase is dehumanized throughout Storm Bringer is the way several characters treat Shirase as insignificant or as someone to be used/disposed of, despite those characters being ones who we root for.

The Port Mafia treats him as a hostage, all his friends had been shipped away to different parts of Japan. He has no support network anymore, he's alone. He lives with the knowledge at any moment the Port Mafia could decide to kill him.

Murase, despite caring for Chuuya and 'wanting to show him the light' does not extend that same kindness to Shirase. He uses Shirase as a means to get Chuuya to come to the police station. Murase even bullies Shirase whilst arresting him.

'Nobody cares about small fries like you, so you've got nothing to worry about.'

It's an off-handed comment and probably to be funny and out of the context of the dehumanization theme it is. But everyone in this story is telling Shirase the exact same thing. He's worthless. Shirase isn't worth Murase's time, he isn't worth saving. Whilst Murase talks to Chuuya about living in the light, he has Shirase locked away in a dark cell left to rot. Because Shirase isn't important.

Murase sets it up so Shirase's freedom is dependant on Chuuya's choice. If Chuuya agrees to be an informant, Shirase will be let go. He doesn't give Shirase the chance to fight for his own freedom because he has nothing Murase wants.

It might be annoying the amount of times Shirase claims he's 'the king' but when everyone else treats him like nothing, it's not surprising to me that he's so desperate to be recognized.

Adam, is perhaps the worst offender of this. He does not like Shirase and whilst I'm not saying he has to, he is also our main narrator through out the book. He interacts with Shirase the most. He also thinks Shirase lacks intelligence and is an annoyance. Despite being programmed to save humans, he treats protecting Shirase as a chore, even though, Shirase is the exact type of person he was meant to protect. An ordinary one.

When Verlaine attacks Shirase in the cells, Adam gives up and accepts Shirase's fate despite saying several times how terrified he is.

'Shirase's voice trembled with fear.' 'Shirase's voice quavered like never before. It took everything he had to simply stand on his own two feet.' 'He was too astonished and afraid to even to even yell out.' 'The worst thing that could happen right now would be losing Master Chuuya or me and being unable to follow with our plan to ambush Verlaine. He had two more targets remaining. There was still hope.'

He's as good as sentencing Shirase to death here because his life isn't as important as Chuuya's or his own. Shirase is disposable. Adam says as much when trying to convince Shirase to come with them. It's made all the more heartbreaking when Shirase is looking to Adam for help but Adam has ready decided he can't do anything.

He says that there was no chance of success at saving Shirase but as soon as Chuuya is in danger, Adam is able to break free from the wall he's trapped in. The possible outcomes don't matter anymore, Chuuya is in danger and he has to try and save him. Something he wasn't willing to do for Shirase.

After Shirase falls unconscious from being poisoned Adam leaves him locked in a storeroom and says he should be safe there. Despite the alarm system broadcasting that everything within the building is going to burned and everyone needs to evacuate. Implying anyone left behind will also burn. When Shirase wakes up alone, thinking he's been abandoned, he easily gets out of the storeroom, meaning anyone could have just as easily got in and killed him.

'The poison was probably meant for Master Chuuya while Shirase was merely collateral damage.'

This what Adam says about Shirase being poisoned and I can't tell if it's supposed to Adam saying how the military sees Shirase or how Adam feels about him. Because it's exactly how he treats him.

The dehumanizing way Adam treats Shirase affects how the reader views him too. Readers are already inclined to dislike Shirase after the events in Fifteen, now in Storm Bringer we spend most of our time with a narrator that also doesn't like Shirase. So when Adam exhibits a lack of care towards Shirase, calls him dumb, annoying and dismisses him, the reader is easily led into doing the same.

And it's sad because Shirase is genuinely scared and struggling throughout the story. But we almost only ever see this during the few parts that are narrated from Shirase's perspective.

Which I will talk more about in Part 2 when I discuss Shirase's overall arc and the ways in which he regains his 'humanity'.

If you read all of this, then thank you :D I hope you enjoyed

Disclaimer: This is not hate on Adam's character, I love him, however this post is about Shirase not him.

[poorlittleyaoyao]

DONGHUA LXC REPLACES HIS SWORN BROTHERHOOD IMMEDIATELY WITH JIN LING (13) AND NIE HUAISANG (USED HIM TO MURDER BY PROXY)???? DONGHUA LXC, WHAT??

Okay, so 1.) the donghua is not my jam so I've only watched a couple of episodes, so I am a poor source of information, and 2.) TECHNICALLY that is not what happens, but it's also not NOT what happens.

Basically, we get an ending montage about how everyone who isn't Wangxian is having the worst time (but that's fine because Wangxian are the only ones who matter!), and we see Jin Ling, Nie Huaisang, and Lan Xichen recreating 3zun's brotherhood oath tableau at the coffin-sealing ceremony.

Which I don't hate on its own, honestly! Immediately after this, the trio separates as a Voiceover Of Busybody Public Opinion speculates on the precarious position of Jin Ling/the Jin Clan itself (as Jin Ling himself bursts into tears upon being given Jiang Cheng's clarity bell)*, tells us LXC "needs some time to recover" (as LXC looks sad and sighs), and remarks how what a great job NHS did overseeing the ceremony (as NHS stands before the monument looking grimly satisfied).

So I think it's meant as "wow look at this fucked-up successor to the Venerated Triad" rather than something positive for anyone involved, but like. The fact that LXC is there at ALL, placidly following the lead of the guy who tricked him into murder, is... a pretty intense fumbling of the character? Even if he has zero regrets about killing JGY (a weird choice but, given that JGY tries to do an MCU villain skybeam at the temple IIRC, not fully incompatible with this canon), he's still going to feel fucked up about failing NMJ, grieve the MY that he once knew, and have zero faith in his own judgment. He's not going to be out here doing sect leader shit just a few days (days! the subs say so!) after all the temple shit goes down. It's weird! I don't like it!

*The choice to place the core reveal after the temple and have JC go into seclusion because of it is, IMO, a worse adaptation choice than literally anything in CQL on so many levels, and it has the unintended side-effect of making Donghua WWX the biggest douchebag of all time. With QS and JGY both dead and JC in seclusion, WWX is the only family Jin Ling has left in donghua canon. And yet! Donghua WWX abandons his 13-year-old nephew (who must now unpack his brand-new trauma and navigate political chaos with NO SUPPORT NETWORK WHATSOEVER BESIDES HIS THERAPY DOG) and skips merrily off into the sunset with LWJ without a second thought. Uncle of all time, truly~

[whineandcheese24]

personally, I'm not at all disappointed that they gave Buck a queer arc before Eddie, or that they switched love interests, and I actually feel better about this interview for a few reasons

Point 1 - Buck is bi, Eddie is not: This is my personal hc so no hate if you disagree, but I always viewed Buck as bi, and Eddie as demi. We know he had issues with Ana and is now having issues with Marisol, but he really did seem happy and comfortable in those moments with Shannon, which is why I never quite got on the "Eddie is gay" train. I know the chances of a major network tv show (or even any tv show) actually using the word demi out loud is slim, but it's still what I want and think fits best (and I wouldn't be surprised if they left Eddie unlabeled, seeing as they haven't even officially given Buck a label), and having Eddie get into a relationship with Tommy would feel as shallow and not-right as his previous relationships. This story of meeting a guy and having a crush and being kissed and asked out by a guy when you've never even conciously considered guys before just fits better on Buck than it would on Eddie.

Point 2 - Buck needs to go first: Jumping off the last point, if we're going with the opinion that Buck is into men, while Eddie is into Buck (which I've seen a lot of support for within the text and the fandom) then Buck needs to have his arc first. I can't see Eddie even considering that his feelings for Buck are more than platonic without Buck coming out. By having Buck come out first, Eddie has the chance to look at him and go "huh? didn't realize that was an option" (kind of like how he did in the coming out scene with realizing Tommy, a character established to be very similar to Eddie, is gay). Buck's character arcs tend to be loud and blunt with him getting hit on the head by the point, he learns by doing. but Eddie's arcs tend to be calmer and quieter and more introspective, with little things building up until they blow over, he learns by thinking. By having Buck come out first and date, not just a guy, but a guy Eddie's friends with who is very similar to him, it becomes another little thing that can help Eddie on his journey

Point 3 - Eddie can still be queer: One of the worries about this interview might be that they decided a queer Eddie arc didn't work, but the way I see it, they were considering queer Eddie. Not just in a jokingly-sending-my-costar-fanfiction way, but in an actual writers-and-directors-etc-are-seriously-considering-this-arc. That's huge. And we joke about Lou going to pr jail, but this is a serious thing, and the cast and crew know that. I seriously doubt if they weren't comfortable with the audience knowing they wouldn't have told Lou not to say anything, or that he didn't still ask if he could talk about it. The way I see it, the cast and crew and writers and network were seriously considering giving Eddie a queer arc, and are okay with the audience knowing it, maybe because they're considering giving him a slightly different queer arc in the future.

all this to say: This arc with Tommy works best with Buck having the physical experience of dating a man, and Eddie watching from the side and starting to consider it in his own mind. And just because they dropped Eddie's arc with Tommy, doesn't mean they can't give him his own different arc later down the line

[eunseok-s]

twenty six — NOT. A. DATE.

pairing: yoon jeonghan x gender neutral reader

warnings: playful insults, cursing

genre: fluff, comedy, very tiny angst

word count: 0.4k

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taglist: @honeyhuii @soobin-chois @fylithia @enhacolor @ja4hyvn @bambisgirl @hiqhkey @its-madi @bobariki @yizhoutv @userjuyo @end-hyphen @yeosangiehwa @kayleeshinee @joonsytip @justasoftstan @strawberri-uyu @sunflowerbebe07 @mingiholic @strawberry-shortest-cake @hanniehaeism @l33j3n8 @nar-nia @sollum @angeltetae @amethyistheart @starryyeonjun @minhui896 @joshuaahong @zuzu-the-simp @wanna-skinny @jeonginssa @lightprincess-world @woozarts @ahnneyong @canberrachloe

networks: @kflixnet

a/n: hiiii loves <3 i'm back (again), i know i take a lot of breaks but my mental health isn't too good this year and sometimes i struggle but you guys are amazing and so supportive and i adore you 💕

The day spent with Jeonghan was nice, he treated you to pizza and you both spent a considerable amount of time on the beach just watching the sun go down. It was like he knew exactly what calmed your nerves without you telling him. You always loved a sunset, the vibrant colours were euphoric, the oranges, the pinks and the gorgeous red sky as the sun was about to disappear was perfect.

"I think you're brave for what you did, like really brave, and I'm proud of you for not sitting quiet. He deserved it." Jeonghan's kind words left an impression on you. Hearing him say that meant a lot to you, you could tell those words were sincere and he meant them.

"Thanks, Jeonghan. I'll be honest, there was a part of me that wanted to just ignore it. To just block him again and pretend like it wasn't happening but I had to protect myself, my friends and anyone in the future he could have hurt." When you turn to face Jeonghan, he's already looking at you, you hate to admit it to yourself but he looks pretty when the orange from the sunset shines on his face, "You did the right thing, y/n. Because of you, you're safe. And you've saved others. But I can tell you right now, that had you not have said anything to anyone, we would have protected you. None of us would have allowed him to mess with you."

Unbeknownst to you, spending the day with you was something that Jeonghan never knew he needed until it happened. As the day was coming to a close, he didn't want it to end. He enjoyed spending time with you. He still felt guilty for how he had treated you and he wished you two could have been friends all this time. Every time you made eye contact with him, his heart raced a little. When you made your little sandcastle and took photos of it with such pride, seeing you smile after a terrifying experience with your ex made him smile. Watching you fall earlier in the day into a hole in the sand sent the both of you into fits of laughter, your contagious laughter had onlookers around you laughing too. It was a sound that Jeonghan was sure he would never be tired of hearing. And when the laughter died down, and he looked out onto the ocean, that's when it hit him: he had feelings for you and oh boy, were they strong.

[kajaono]

How 911 7x04 supports four different readings

A long term, a short term, a canon and a subtextual one and all of them are valid

Just as a short reminder. In 7x03 Buck meets Tommy for the first time and instantly smitten by the cool hot pilot. Turns out the hot pilot and his best friend are best buddies. Buck feels left behind. So 7x04 lets us believe he tries everything to get Eddies attention. Turns out, he actually wanted Tommys attention. So, thats the narrative we are working with

Canon and short term narrative

So on a canon level we have Buck meets a cute pilot, tries everything to get his attention, breaks his best friend foot, gets rewarded with a kiss, a boyfriend and a coming out. A clear BuckTommy narrative.

Long Term narrative

And now it gets compliacted. Is Bucktommy a long term option? Is this a) "we see you read Buck as queer AND you ship Eddie and Buck... but the network says "no" to canon Buddie, but "yes" to bi Buck, so we give you everything we can"? We saw similar things in The Witcher for example, where people read Jaskier as pan and in love with Geralt and season 3 made really clear: "Yes he is pan, but we will never make Geraskier canon. BUt here: Jaskier now has a boyfriend."

Which btw doesn't make the queer coming out arc and the queer relationship less important or valid. I think the storytelling couldn't be more clear how much it cares for BuckTommy.

Or is this b) slow burn? Introducing: Marcus Pike aka Pedro Pascal in season 6 of The Mentalist:

For those of you who have never watched The Mentalist (have you been living under a rock?!) . It is a typical (and extremly good) crime show, 22 episodes each season, and one episode: one case

The main couple, Lisbon x Jane (Jisbon):

These cuties here. Six seasons of slow burn and pining. And the moment they nearly got together this show did what every good show did back then. They introduced a new love interest, and one half of the main couple falls for him:

Even though everyone knew that Jisbon was endgame it added even more tension, made the pining and slow burn even longer.

So what of those two options is Tommy? Someone to make the pining even longer? Or a compromise because canon Buddie is not possible?

Only time will tell and I am super curious for your opinins, Because i Think this is also where the ship war comes from.

Because Tommy could be both and it is aboslutly not clear if Tommy is here to stay or only a plot device

This is also where the subtextual narrative kicks in

If you see it from a long term POV this whole "i try to get your attention" could have second level... which eventually could be about Buddie again. From a long term POV. As in: "I wanted Tommys attention because I really liked him and because he helped me realize my true feelings... and I realized I could never have your attention." something like that.

What I want to say is: 7:04 is written in a way that the canon narrative we have today can be changed easily later without destrorying the legacy it has: canon bi Buck. Or it will be forever a Bucktommy ep... which is also amazing! (I am here for both ships! Multishipping yay!)

It is so so hard to tell and I want all your opinions in my inbox. Is Tommy a plot device that leads to canon Buddie or here to stay? Keep in mind this show could go on for ten more seasons...

And leave me alone with ship wars. If i get too many hate messages I will write a meta why Buck x Eddie x Tommy will be endgame, I swear

[hottiemcdottie]

Hello. I hope you are doing well.

I'm a new fan of Monk, and I have a question about Tony/Monk and Bitty/Sharona.

I have started to read your fanfiction novel, Mr. Monk and The Port, and I like Monk's and Sharona's chemistry already. The only thing I dislike is the cursing, which is just a personal preference. I know you are a big shipper of the two, and so am I, but I just was wondering if you ship Tony and Bitty as well?

In some of your post, you mentioned both Tony's and Bitty's choice of action. I never put that much thought into it. I just thought the two are incredible actors, which they are.

I sense that you ship Tony/Monk and Bitty/Sharona behind the sences, and with their unmatchable chemistry and double act, do you think anything ever happened between them behind the scenes? I'm not counting on it because Tony is married, but I would like to hear your thoughts.

Another question, how do you think Tony, as well as the main cast, responded to Bitty Schram leaving? There's no comment on anyone's behalf, besides the network's statement. The cast's chemistry is really good. Everyone played their part well. It saddens me that Bitty left because of a contract disruption, or the reason she truly left, because she truly made the show. This is talked alot, but the way the writers have written Sharona's leaving was horrible.

Anyways, thank you for responding in advance. Take care!

Hello friend!

I see you have caught onto my not-so-subtle hints!

Unfortunately, as Bitty Schram is currently out in Idaho and appeared recently on a MAGA podcast (without video), I have had to give up my ship, as I can of course not support anyone who stands with MAGA. She was not asked to appear in the Monk movie, and that's justified in my opinion.

But yes, before this I did think Tony and Bitty had at least done a tiny bit of kissing off-screen. I don't think he would cheat on his wife in any substantial capacity, so that's just speculation. They had major chemistry though, and it was clear they adored each other and that never changed. It's the root of the double act they were able to create.

And I still think Adrian and Sharona would have been a good match when he'd done some recovering. I think Monk very obviously was in love with Sharona and she loved him back. I think Bitty was pretty clear on it because she said in an interview that Sharona (and she herself) "loves him no matter what" which is a nice statement. And of course Tony said he couldn't think of any other guest star in the 8th season that mattered to him, which was VERY sweet. The writers even said they wrote Sharona as the exasperated wife.

It was also so sweet to see how excited and happy he was to have her back for the 8th season. I hated the storyline but you could see the love and chemistry had gone nowhere. Their acting choices really did reflect their feelings for each other and I loved that.

I'm disappointed in Bitty Schram, of course, given that I would have expected much better from an East Coast, NYC-adjacent artist, but I have to shrug at it too. When MAGA loses in November, they'll go back to whatever they were doing before and maybe she'll come back to the East Coast. Who knows?

So the original reason for her firing was stupid and inept management, and she did deserve better than she got. And I do think she had massive chemistry with Tony Shalhoub and that for me translated into potential for romance once Monk did some recovering.

I like to think that now that he lives in New York with Molly, Sharona comes to the city to see him.

Also thanks so much for reading the fic! It's the ending I would have wanted for them before the movie came out.

[wyntereyez]

Here we go, Part One of my scream into the void. Here I'm going to talk about my mother

Some of you may remember my posts about how two birthdays went by without her saying anything, and how when she did finally bother to text a month after that second birthday, there was no acknowledgement of my birthday or her silence, and how I agonized over whether I should respond (and eventually chose not to.)

I don't regret this.

My mom left our family when I was thirteen. Before then, I was a 'mama's girl,' though damned if I know why. Probably because she was the parent I saw more, I guess.

I want to say those first thirteen years weren't awful. But there are things I remember that stick with me that weren't good.

She wasn't much of a cook. So I grew up on frozen, processed food, and shockingly, my health reflected that. And, oh, did she make me feel like shit about my weight. She constantly bemoaned how hard it was to buy things for me because my waist was so big and I was so short (this was, btw, before a growth spurt). She refused to buy jeans for me because she couldn't find any that fit my proportions. It was fucking YEARS before I finally bought my first pair of jeans as an adult because I knew I was too fat for them. So all through school, I wore stretch pants, and was constantly made fun of for them.

Then there's my hair. She didn't care to do anything with my hair. She convinced me I wanted it long, then never maintained it, just put it in a ponytail, which did me no favors. My hair was seldom cut because it stopped growing past a certain length, and was always limp and stringy and oily. There was one time - ONE - where she did something with my hair - she got me a perm when I was eleven. It was an awful experience, and taking care of it was miserable and I hated those picks needed to constantly smooth out the perpetual tangles. It made me hate doing anything with my hair.

It should not have taken over twenty years for me to realize I had curly hair that was actually really nice and easy to care for when anyone bothered.

My mom taught me that I was fat and ugly and there was nothing I could do about it.

Then she left us. She got a job where she worked third shift, and slept pretty much all day and ignored us. The only time we really saw her was when she was getting ready for work. She'd spend hours doing her make-up - for a factory job - blasting Bonnie Raitt's 'Something to Talk About' on perpetual repeat. To this day I absolutely HATE that song. HATE IT.

She'd met a guy on third shift, got caught cheating, and just left us.

They had just bought a house and a second vehicle together because they had two steady incomes. Now she wanted to leave us struggling.

My Dad gave her this option: He'd leave, she could have the house, the car, and us. She'd have everything, along with child support, and he'd get a couch at his brother's house.

She didn't want us.

So she left, taking only the family car, leaving us with a tiny Chevy S-10 pickup for a family of four. She didn't want shared custody. She didn't want to pay child support. She wanted nothing to do with us.

She then proceeded to make life Hell for us. While she did, with great reluctance, occasionally let us visit, it was rare. She also did everything she could to make sure we didn't have a support network. My Dad's side of the family is terrible - I will talk about them much later - and they wouldn't help. My Mom's side of the family cared for us, but my Mom did everything in her power to make sure we couldn't go to them for help. She knew her parents liked my Dad far more than her new guy, so she was going to make sure they wouldn't have any kind of relationship with my Dad.

She also wanted us to be spies. She had this idea that my Dad would be her safety net if the new guy didn't work out, so she made damn sure my Dad couldn't meet anyone or have any kind of life. And she wanted us to be her spies; she would quiz us about what Dad was up to, and persuade us to tell her everything, then she would proceed to leave nasty phone calls or messages on his bathroom mirror, because she'd kept a key to the house.

Meanwhile, she continued to be the world's worst mother. She had my two half-siblings, and we had to watch them get all the attention we never got, because unlike us, they were her children. She'd occasionally buy clothing, usually used stuff she found at yard sales that didn't fit (she seemed to think I was her size, despite me being taller and skinnier than her). Once she bought me a maternity outfit because she knew that would be the only thing that would fit me.

She also basically destroyed my past. Remember my despair that I couldn't find any medical records? She took a lot of things, including pretty much every baby picture of me, and left them in her parents' garage, which was exposed to the elements and eventually flooded and collapsed. She casually destroyed it and just doesn't care.

So, it's been years of barely tolerating my mother, occasionally trying to have some kind of relationship with her and wondering why I bother.

Now, she did once, not long after they divorced, ask if I wanted to live with her. Just me, not my siblings. I refused. I didn't want to live with a strange man and be second fiddle to my half siblings. And it would have gone very, very badly. I would have been living with a heavy smoker with ultra-conservative views whose fire-and-brimstone mother was the kind of person to get involved in everything. I would have received no health care, never been able to go anywhere, would have had to transfer to a school with the worst reputation in the area, probably would have had to help care for my half siblings, would not have new clothes, would not have gone to college, and would probably have the worst flea infestation because she doesn't really clean, either.

And the last time I saw her? She got into this anti-vaxx rant that was somehow also horrifically racist, and all I could think was, "Yeah, I'm never going to see you again."

She's just...UGH.

[redditreceipts]

The trans movement at large doesn't give a single damn about TiF bodily (even transitional) or reproductive autonomy and no one's fucking saying it but it's true.

Rape is "just getting laid" and sometimes "hole is owed" for career maneuvers and for "having societal power over trans women." Nonconsensual and unaware detransitioning of TiFs during bdsm isn't considered rape or transphobia or misogyny and can't be discussed even when no information about the perpetrator is given at all beyond their action because it's supposedly "transmisogynistic" to even say that it happened (way to tell on yourselves, TiMs and transmisogynistic TiF white knights) and it's supposedly "transmisogynistic" to share cautious and preventative measures against being hormonally detransitioned without consent or awareness for "safer" bdsm.

Prostitution is great ✨ except when it's to "use" a cis man (mutualistically) for networking purposes.

I'm processing all of the shit they put me through and all of the exact opposite of support that the trans community has for survivors, transmen included, transandrophobia bloggers and baeddels and irl trans community are all the same, and feel like I'm bleeding out on the inside but no I have to go work an over ten hour shift for pennies.

I hate them. I hate them so much. Left libertarian and liberal "queers" are the same as the rightwing religious fanatics regarding females, only virtue signaling.

hey :)

first of all, sorry for the late answer, I am trying to give a thought-out answer to an ask and sometimes, that takes a bit

and secondly yes, they don't care about bodily autonomy in the sense that they don't care about addressing the root of the issue. Most genderists do say verbally that they support the right to an abortion, but the issue won't be resolved unless it it understood that the female body is seen as a factory for new workers and soldiers in a patriarchal capitalist state. Women, the only ones who have control over this process, actually have an immense leverage if given control over their own bodies because they are inseperable from the means of production and have to be convinced and consenting to give pleasure to a male or new workers to a capitalist. That's why female bodily autonomy is incredibly threatening for a capitalist and patriarchal state, and that is also the reason for taking away that very right, be it by making it extremely expensive or outlawing it completely.

But gender identity believers can't admit that the subjugation of the woman is because of her body, because that would invalidate trans identity.

Politics are about our bodies. Work is performed by our bodies, and we can't identify into or out of a female body just as a worker can't identify into a capitalist* or a Black person can identify into a white person.

But genderists will never solve this issue, because they are allergic to material reality and because of that, every talk about "bodily autonomy for women" is just some sad echo from the days when feminism was interested in women's liberation.

It's actually good that you're angry, and you have every right to be! I don't know your personal history, but being angry can be a reason to change the world for good :)

*Yes, a worker can become a capitalist because the mechanics of capitalist vs. worker are different from the mechanics of woman vs. man, but my point is that identity alone is not a relevant factor in material reality.

[tbnrpotato]

Our Own Choices

Chapter 2

Clone forces rally. As the war escalates in the Outer Rim, the Jedi Knights are spread thinly across the galaxy.  Many new clones are rushed into service to support their Jedi generals. Unfortunately, because of the relentless demands of battle, many young clones must join the struggle before their intensive training has been completed. These clones, manning a vital network of tracking stations, are all that stand between the Republic and invasion.

I gotta admit, training isn't fun. Rex says it's hard at first, but I'll get used to it. Rex and some other troopers from the 501st train me, and physical training is a literal nightmare. When I wake up the next day my limbs feel like they're gonna fall off. To be honest, it would be better if they did.

I haven't seen Kix after that first time we met, and I haven't interacted with any of the other clones either.

"We want as few clones as possible to know that you were a deserter," Rex says.

"What's a deserter?" I ask him.

"Someone who left the army without permission. People like you."

"But I'm back now, right?"

"Still, we should be cautious."

Most of the time Rex isn't around for my training, he's planning battle strategies with the Jedi Generals and out in the field. 

There's one time Rex comes back from the Battle of Christophsis and he tells me General Skywalker has a new padawan.

"She really thought since she was a commander she outranked me." Rex and I sit on a bench at the side while I'm taking a break from my training. 

"I'm guessing she doesn't, because-"

"In my book, experience outranks everything."

"In your book, experience outranks everything."

Rex and I say it at the same time. Rex chuckles and pats my head. "I see you've at least learned something from me."

"How could I forget that one line you say at least once a week?"

"You got a point kid."

"If experience outranks everything, then why won't you let me get out in the field to get experience?" I ask, probably for the 4th time that week.

Rex's expression hardens. "We had this conversation before, kid. It's too dangerous out there for you for now, you gotta focus on your training first, and when I say you're ready to get out there, you can join me and the boys in the 501st. Got it?"

I roll my eyes, sighing. "Fine."

Rex hands me a few credits. "Go get yourself some new clothes when we land on Coruscant tonight, okay? Your old ones are getting a bit tight." And then he pats me on the back and walks off.

I put the credits in my pocket and get back to training.

I'm still better using a knife than a blaster, but I'm pretty decent with a sniper as well, my long-distance aim with a pistol is shitty, but in close range I can get a good headshot in. 

Rex let me keep my knife, and he even got me a larger one which looks a lot more like a sword, the orange highlights on it match the ones on my old knife. 

Recently, Rex and Cody have been checking the Republic outposts for inspection, and I haven't seen Rex in weeks. 

When Rex finally arrives back on Coruscant, I'm already standing at the hangar waiting for him, crossing my arms.

"What took you so long?" I ask.

"I told you that it was gonna be a few weeks," Rex sighs. "Nice hoodie you got there, by the way."

"Thanks. And what did you say about teaching me how to use those deflector pucks for trick shots before you left?"

"I said that was after you mastered shooting a pistol." 

"But I already have! I can get a headshot from like 3 meters away." I protest.

"3 meters isn't far. You'll be shot down by clankers before you could even get that close."

"Aw cmon, captain, at least give me a demonstration," I smirk. I know he hates it when I call him "captain".

"No time for that. Commander Cody and I are going to the Rishi outpost in a few minutes, I was just checking in on you."

"Oh, how kind��of you," I reply, before walking away.

Once I see Rex turn his gaze away from me, I run behind a box near the ship, and wait for Rex and Cody to get into their ship. As the door of the ship starts to close behind them, I slip in at the last second quietly and hide in the darkness, hoping that no one heard me.

As the ship lands on Rishi, the lights at the back of the ship, where I am, turn on. I draw a quick breath, there's nowhere to hide, and Rex and Cody are coming. So I stand up and smile awkwardly.

"Hi guys."

"Kid, what are you doing here, I told you to stay on Coruscant and train," Rex sounds annoyed.

"Who's the kid?" Cody asks.

"Hey commander, name's Aris, I'm basically like the captain's secret trainee," I say, casting a quick glance at Rex, who puts a hand to his forehead and groans.

"I never thought Rex would personally train a kid like you," Cody says. "Where'd he find you?"

"We-we can explain that later, let's just get this inspection over with first," Rex says hastily.

"Just don't get in the way, alright kid?" Rex asks, not waiting for a reply and walking out of the ship with Cody. I follow behind them.

They're busy complaining about having no deck officers on duty here at the outpost, and that the clones here are sloppy. I don't think they are. Something feels off. I can see faint lights coming from behind the boxes, and I don't really think that's normal. I quicken my pace and move closer to Rex.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Cody says as the door to the outpost opens and a clone walks out.

"Welcome to Rishi, commander. As you can see, the outpost is operating at peak efficiency. Thank you for visiting, and have a safe trip back," the clone says, with some weird-ass hand movements. Something's definitely off, and both Rex and Cody glance at each other.

"We need to inspect the base just the same," Cody says.

"Uh, there is no need," the clone says. "Everything is fine and fully operational."

I pull at Rex's arm. Rex nods back at me.

"Take us to the sergeant in command," Rex says.

"Roger roger."

Rex and Cody look at each other, and I'm slightly confused. Suddenly, I see a flare rising up behind us.

It's a droid attack flare, I was just taught that a few days ago.

"A droid attack flare," Cody and I say at the same time. Rex shoots that clone in the head, and he falls to the ground.

"Woah, Rex, what the heck are you doing?" Cody sounds alarmed.

I don't say anything as Rex goes to inspect the body.

"Relax," Rex says as he takes the helmet of the clone, revealing a lifeless commando droid under the helmet. "Looks like one of those new commando droids."

"That flare must have come from the survivors," Cody says.

Suddenly, blaster shots come from all directions and Rex and Cody start firing.

"Get behind me kid," Rex says as he dodges a blaster bolt. I don't protest, staying as close to Rex as I can. Just the sound of blaster bolts whizzing over my head is enough to make my blood run cold. It's not the same as in training. If I get shot here, I will most likely die.

Some of the commando droids are using the boxes to shoot from the high ground. Cody manages to get a few shots on one of them, but they just get back up again.

"Those clankers have tough armor," Cody exclaims. 

I run as fast as I can behind a box to take cover, covering my ears and closing my eyes tightly, curling up into a ball. I can almost feel the shot on my shoulder again. My breathing quickens.  Rex and Cody go to take cover where I am.

"We're cut off," Cody says, he and Rex keep firing at the droids. His voice sounds muffled in my head.

"Get me outta here...get me outta here..." I whisper to myself, pressing my knees to my forehead.

And then I hear the sound of grenades landing near our area and Rex grabs my arm, shoots a grappling hook to the platform and lowers us down to the ground. Cody's next to us as I hear an explosion.

When my feet touch the ground, I lean against a rock to stabilize myself, my legs are shaking, my shoulders are tensed, I just stare straight ahead, breathing heavily.

"Kid, are you okay?" Rex puts a hand on my shoulder. "Are you hurt or anything?"

I look down at the ground, avoiding eye contact. 

"Aris? Look at me. Are you okay?"

I look up at Rex. "I shouldn't have come."

"Yea, you shouldn't have. But you're here now, and you're still alive, so I'd count that as a win," Rex smirks.

I nod, trying to slow my breathing down, my shoulders relaxing slightly. 

"This is just like training, okay? Don't worry about it."

Rex turns to Cody. "Well this sure complicates things, Commander. No worse than that time on Tibrin."

"We had jedi with us on Tibrin," Cody says as we stare at the flaming wreckage of the ship. "They helped."

"What...happened on Tibrin?" I speak up in a small voice.

"Not now kid," Cody snaps, and I go quiet again.

3 clones walk towards us through the smoke of the wreckage, and Rex and Cody raise their blasters at them. "Hands above you heads. Take your sun bonnets off."

I think he means helmets. But seriously? Sun bonnets? You couldn't come up with something better?

My hand reaches for the pistol at my belt as I stand behind Rex and Cody, wondering if I should follow them and point my gun at the clones.

"Uh, sir?" One of the clones sounds confused.

"Take them off. Now!"

The clones raise their hands in surrender, take their helmets off, and they're not droids.

Suddenly, an really big eel-like thing crashes through the rocks at our side and roars at us. I stand there frozen while Rex shoots the thing and kills it in one shot.

Rex takes off his helmet and goes to check whether the eel is dead. 

"Nice shot," one of the clones says.

I back away from the eel's body but behind me is darkness and I don't wanna get ambushed by any more droids, so I just stay close.

"The name's Rex," Rex says as he checks the eel's body. "But you'll call me "Captain" or "sir"."

"Sir, yes sir!"

I really don't wanna talk to Rex when he's like this. I have a slight fear or superior authoritative figures.

"I'm commander Cody, your new boss," Cody says as he takes off his helmet.

I smile awkwardly and wave at the 3 clones. "Hi..." 

They ignore me. 

"My designation is trooper 27-5555, sir," one of the clones says. 

"We call him Fives. I'm Hevy. This is Echo." Hevy points to the last dude.

"Where's your sergeant?" Cody asks.

"Dead, sir. We're all that's left," Echo says.

"Looks like we got a batch of shinies, commander," Rex says as he walks up to the clones.

"Shinies, sir?"

"That's right. Your armour, it's shiny and new, just like you," Rex says.

At least they have armour.

"Sir, me and my batchers are trained and ready. We'll take back our post, shiny or not."

"There's hope for you yet, rookie," Rex says.

"Hey kid. You're not supposed to be here. It's dangerous."

I look up, Hevy's talking to me.

"I know, I was following the captain along without his permission, cause I thought I could get some experience here, but..." I look down, my voice is soft.

"It's scarier than you thought it would be?" Echo asks.

I nod. "I wanna go back."

"Well, you can't get everything you want, kid. And if you're looking for some experience, you're sure gonna get a lot of it here," Hevy says. "What's your name?"

"Aris."

"Like the leader of the 504th Legion?" Fives asks.

"Rex named me after her."

"You look like a clone. Are you?" Echo asks.

"Mhm. Female clone. Wasn't meant to exist, but here I am. Made to be physically weaker than the others." I chuckle, looking down. "But I'm definitely not weaker. I'm equal to them."

"Alright boys, keep quiet and follow me," Rex says, before starting to climb up a ledge. 

The others all follow, and I'm at the back. 

Okay. You can do this. Just like training.

I take a deep breath and start climbing.

Don't look down, don't look down, there's no harness, just don't look down and don't fall or you're gonna become a piece of roti prata and die-

I cling onto the rock that I'm climbing on tightly, and I make the mistake of looking down. My whole body tenses up, and I draw a few quick breaths before looking back up again. I can feel the sweat running down my face. My arms are shaking. All I can hear is my heartbeat now.

After what seems like forever, we make it up to the top of the ledge, and Hevy helps me up. My breaths are shaky as I wipe the sweat off my face.

"Look sharp, rookies," Rex says. "As long as those tweezers occupy this post, our home planet of Kamino is at risk."

I look up. Kamino? 99's still there, isn't he?

"But there's so many of them," Hevy says.

"Doesn't matter, kid. We have to retake this base, so we will retake this base."

"How do you propose we get through those blast doors, Rex, old boy?" Cody asks.

"I have a few ideas."

I gently tug at Rex's arm.

"What is it, kid?" Rex asks, turning to face me.

"Can I...sit this one out, sir?"

"Look kid. We need all troopers for this. Including you."

"I don't wanna go. I don't wanna die. I'm scared."

Rex puts both hands on my shoulders. "You're not gonna die kid. You'll be fine. What happened to getting experience, hm?" He playfully punches my shoulder. "You'll be okay. I promise. Just remember your training, okay?"

I take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. It's not working, but I don't show it, and I nod. 

We reach the front blast doors of the outpost and Cody and the others hide at the sides, so I follow them, pistol in one hand and my vibrosword in the other.

Rex walks up to the front door.

"Unit 2-6, is that you?" the commando droids in the outpost ask. 

"Roger roger," Rex says.

"You sound strange. Is something wrong with your vocabulator?"

"Roger roger."

"Take off your helmet. Let me see your faceplate."

"Roger roger."

Rex ducks and uses the commando droid's head from just now and shows it to the camera.

"This is never gonna work," Cody puts a hand to his helmet.

The blast doors open and Rex holds up his pistol.

"Clones!"

"Roger, Roger."

Rex takes out the droid in the middle and the others take out the remaining 2.

"Right, let's move."

The others run into the main room and take cover at the sides, shooting at the droids. I stay behind and take cover from the main hallway, not looking behind me. I can see blaster bolts whizzing past me, but they're not going to hit me.

I hear Fives getting shot and Cody telling them to focus. I look back and see Rex in the main room, where a commando droid is trying to melee him.

I draw my vibrosword and run into the main room as Rex dodges the swings of the droid, and I slice the droid in half from behind. The others take out the last 2 remaining droids and the room is clear.

"Thanks kid," Rex gives me a downwards nod of respect.

I sling my sword back onto my back and lean against a wall at the side while the others roast the droids that they just shot down.

"Get to the window. It looks like we have more visitors," Cody says.

We all run to the window and look outside.

"It looks like a separatist fleet."

"That's why the commandeered the outpost," Cody says. "They're mounting a full-scale invasion."

"We have to warn command," Rex says.

"Shouldn't we hide? If they're gonna mount a full-scale invasion we don't stand a chance," I speak up, and everyone stares at me. "What? I'm telling the truth."

One of the clones goes to try and transmit a signal. 

"Those clankers sabotaged our transmitter, and they hard-wired the all-clear signal. It'll take time to-"

"We don't have time. Look."

A ship is descending in front of the outpost.

"Guys we really should go," I'm making my way towards the vent, ready to run.

"Well kid, you're gonna get a lot of experience from here," Echo says.

"We can't protect the outpost long against that army of clankers," Cody says.

"Then we'll destroy the outpost instead," Rex says.

"But sir, our mission is to defend this facility at all costs."

"We have to warn the Republic about the invasion. They'll take notice when the all-clear signal stops."

"That's right. When they stop receiving our beacon, they'll get the message something's wrong," Fives says.

"We'll need every thermal detonator in the inventory," Rex says.

I slowly open up the vent cover, ready to slip inside.

"It'll take more than a few detonators to destroy the outpost."

Then someone suggests an idea to blow up the outpost using liquid tibanna.

"Good. Bring the tanks here and prime the detonators," Rex orders.

Just as I'm about to slip into the vent and run away, Rex notices me.

"Hey kid, don't think about going anywhere."

I freeze, looking up at him.

"I have no interest in dying today," I reply. 

"I thought you weren't weak?"

So I help the boys carry the explosives to the main room as I hear the battle droids marching towards the front gate.

When we manage to get it all to the main room, Rex and the others gather around, and I stand behind Fives, Echo and Hevy.

"Alright listen up. There's only one target of interest in this sector: Kamino. It's the closest thing we clones have to a home. Today we fight for more than the Republic. Today we fight for all our brothers back home. Understood?"

"Sir, yes sir!"

Rex looks at me.

I take a deep breath and steel myself for the high possibility of dying. "Sir, yes, sir." 

We head into the weapons room where the others take their weapons. My hand rests on my pistol, and the other on my vibrosword. I turn to Rex, who's making his way to the main room. He nods at me.

I can feel my heart in my throat now, and it must have been pretty obvious to Cody, because he puts a hand on my shoulder and says,"We're gonna survive this kid. Trust me.

Hevy goes to the front and takes out a bunch of battle droids with that gatling gun of his, and then Cody, me and the others come in. 

I shoot at the droids with my pistol and blaster bolts narrowly miss me, and everything's going so fast, I can't comprehend what's going on.

One of the clones throws a grenade at the battle droids, knocking most of them off the platform while the rest of us fall back, closing the blast doors.

They get blown up from outside and the battle droids enter, still shooting at us, and I run into the main room, with the others following behind after a few moments.

I hear Rex say that the handset wasn't linking up with the detonator, and Hevy says he'll handle it, telling us to get out of here.

We run to the vents and crawl through them, with Rex leading the way. We reach the outside in a few minutes, hiding behind a ridge.

"Hevy, hit the-" Rex looks behind, and Hevy isn't there.

"Where's Hevy?"

Echo and Fives shake their heads.

Rex talks into his comlink. "Hevy, get out of there."

"The remote isn't working," Hevy reports. "I have to detonate it manually."

I move to run back into the vents and try to make it back to the outpost, the others follow me. I'm running as fast as I can, and crawl into the vents, trying to make it back.

I hear the others trying to contact Hevy, but they're not in the vents yet. I gotta get there.

And then I hear the sound of explosions and debris falling, the vents shake, and I curl up into a ball, covering my head.

When the shaking stops, I open my eyes, and I see Rex pulling me out of the vents.

"You okay kid?" Rex asks.

I nod, staying close to him as we head back to the others.

Hevy's gone.

"We've got those tinnies on the run," either Fives or Echo says, I can't really tell. 

"Thanks to Hevy."

I hear the sound of gunships descending.

"We're getting of this crater boys," Rex says.

We all get on the gunships, and I remain silent for the whole trip back to the cruiser.

Fives and Echo are getting some random award thing from General Skywalker, and Rex says he's considering adding them to the 501st. I head back to the barracks and just chill there for awhile, thinking about everything that's just happened. It all feels so fast.

About an hour later, Rex comes in.

"Hey kid, how're you doing?"

I remain silent.

Rex sits down next to me.

"Yknow if it wasn't for Hevy, we wouldn't be here right now," he says.

I nod, staring up at the ceiling. "I shouldn't have come."

"Yea, it's a lot more different than training, isn't it?"

"It's so...scary, my mind just goes blank, and I forget everything I learned during training. Being a soldier's hard."

"The first few battles are always like that, but...you'll get used to it."

"I'm not gonna be in another battle. I'll just stay on Coruscant and continue training. That's what you want, right?"

"Hm. I could let you come on some of the less dangerous battles, how about that?"

I hesitate. I can almost imagine the sickening feeling in my stomach when the outpost blew up, when I realised that Hevy was gone. I can almost feel my heart pounding in my head every time I see live fire whizzing past my head, when I narrowly miss death by an inch.

I sit up and look at Rex.

"I don't wanna go."

Rex looks at me, confused. "What?"

"I'm done with being in battles. I'm not going to fight out there in the field anymore. I'm done. I'm leaving."

Rex sighs. "Look, ad'ika-"

Fives and Echo come into the barracks. 

"Hey kid, how're you doing?" Echo asks. "You were pretty good out there with your knife and your pistol."

I look up at him.

"I know what you're thinking, kid. You wanna leave after your first skirmish, and to be honest, I can't argue with that. It's a hard life, being a soldier."

I nod.

"But we're fighting for the Republic, for a cause that we believe in. Out there, we gotta be strong, we can't show weakness, and we show those clankers what we're made of, got it?"

I nod again, and Echo and Fives walk away.

Can't show weakness. They always said I was made to be weaker than the others. Gotta prove them wrong.

I turn to Rex.

"Maybe I'll take a few weeks on Coruscant to train and prepare myself, and then maybe I'll consider coming along on those less dangerous battles."

Rex smiles, and nods. "Okay then ad'ika, we've got a ship leaving for Coruscant in a few hours, and I'll see you in a few weeks."

"What does ad'ika mean?" I ask.

"You already know, kid. All clones do."

I roll my eyes. "Fine. Cya, captain."

Rex groans.

"And for the last time, DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

[beesmygod]

What would you say is a good goal checklist for someone trying to move out from a restrictive homelife with their parents in the middle of the woods in Connecticut to a place with at least more interesting people and things to do? I have a bit of money saved up but I don’t have a real desire to live in a specific area, just anywhere but here. Dont have a reliable support network, i just bounce off most internet communities. Asking for advice because I envy your independence

thats a very sweet thing to say when i feel pretty pathetic lately lol.

i think it might be difficult because of how expensive and fucked up everything is right now, so much of my advice from 10 years ago may no longer apply :(

im a pathological worrier so i would try to have a lot of ducks lined up before i left so that i can acclimate to a new environment without the stress of having to burn through my savings. i would move somewhere within driving distance (even if that means staying there overnight or whatever) where you can see your living space for yourself (these zoom tours are huge bullshit lol) before you move. try to move near or with people you know. i got lucky in that my roommate experience was largely positive overall and taught me a lot. but if you dont want that, i would try to move somewhere where someone (a friend or trusted family) can check up on you if something happens. try to see the apartment later in the afternoon after school is out to see how loud the local kids are and if you can hear them through the walls lol

this area of the east coast seems pretty pleasant and the services are better than the majority of the country, so sticking around here wouldnt be a bad idea. i would file for any and all state benefits you qualify for ahead of time after you get an address so that when you have to fight with them about it it only takes one month instead of two lol. try to put 10% of you paycheck aside every month for savings and put it in an actual savings account. try and find a credit union if you can.

get on medicaid if you can and get a physical with the clinic that is going to be "your clinic" from now on. same thing with getting your teeth cleaned. same with behavioral health if you need it. there might be waiting lists to call early bc they dont get any shorter.

then i would start trying to get a job lined up. benefits can help tremendously in case its tough out there in the job market and it takes longer than you thought. once you move, take a few walks to figure out the "mood" of your neighborhood lol. i dont know how to describe this. but it will help you pick up on any local social mores or customs (that sounds too dramatic) or just the vibe of the area.

uuuh im trying to think of other things. the most indulgent advice i can give is hire movers every single time if you can afford it. be ready for them to be late. i never ever want to move ever again in my life i HATE the process of moving. i would walk over broken glass on the rim of a volcano if it meant other people would move boxes for me up and down stairs.

oh shit thats right. ok this is a matter of preference but remember these basic things when picking out an apartment:

do not get a ground floor apartment. thats only if you want to get randomly murdered or creeped on. also everyone who walks by will look into your apartment bc thats just human nature.

all of my apartments were on the top floor (2 or 3) which meant no noise from above. i loved this. but YOU must be the quiet one now.

the higher up the apartment the further you have to walk to take the trash down to the dumpster in snowstorms

i hope all of this helps. my restrictive family wanted to be introduced to my roommates ahead of time which was a little embarrassing but understandable as i was moving in with 3 men. when they immediately realized they were dorks, their hearts were at ease. your family may be the same (maybe) and if your roommates are up for it you can use it as a bargaining chip.