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theheirofthesharingan · 1 month ago

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If you care, do you have any thoughts on Obito? Like him? Dislike him? Neutral? Any character analysis?

I don't really feel anything strongly about Obito. I like to write him in my fics, but only his Madara personality because it's so badass. The rest, I wish I cared about him enough. It's also because his whole story unravels in the war arc which happens after Itachi's second death. And at that time, I'd lost interest in the anime (and then manga altogether). I genuinely can't remember most of the things that aren't about Sasuke or Itachi. I would have cared about him more if the story focused a bit on him and Sasuke. That doesn't happen at all.

My opinions (ranging from indifference to criticism) come from the fandom's perception of him, where people en masse tend to either overlook or justify the horrible, unforgivable things he did, while also piling hate on Itachi. I've seen plenty of people here on Tumblr with the opinions "I love all Uchiha except for Itachi." or "All the Uchiha are hot, except for that Konoha bootlicker."

So this response will be a rant for all that I've seen.

I'm very much aware of his trauma which founded the base of all the things he would go on to do in the future. He was a good kid, who had a lot of kindness in his heart. But he didn't want to be the Hokage because he was good and wanted to change the world. But to prove himself to Rin. Not a bad motivation, considering he was just a kid, but nothing heroic about it too. Although, Madara took advantage of his love, innocence, and goodness to turn him into the bad guy whom we met in the story.

The problem with Obito is that he thinks he's the first person to acknowledge the world is a messed up place, and he needs to change it. In the process, he ends up making it much, much worse than it was before he pulled the things he does in canon.

This moment reeks of something more than the acquaintance both the men shared. Were they working together? Were they co-conspirators? There was something more going on with Danzo and Obito, and I have a theory that kind of works. Kushina's pregnancy was supposed to be a secret. It's likely Obito learned it from Danzo. But it is also likely Zetsu helped him.

Either way, there's more to his and Danzo's relationship than what we think.

The Akatsuki were founded to establish peace and end the conflict. But Obito, who wants to actually change the world, had Akatsuki's founding members manipulated too.

He also controlled the Mizukage, becoming the de facto leader of Kirigakure.

So, the man had the authority, the powers, the strategy, and all the resources, but he still uses his pain to make the things worst, just because he went through it.

He also knew the reason that Kakashi was not responsible for Rin's death. His anger is understandable, because the person he loved the most died at the hands of the other person he cared about the most. But he rationalises his actions and thinks he's doing the things for the betterment of the world where he and everyone can live happily.

Meanwhile the things he does are:

He's the reason Minato and Kushina died. Naruto becomes orphan and Jinchuriki because of him.

He was planning a war on Konoha, unprovoked. Conspiracy with Danzo is very much a possibility.

Itachi's entire life was destroyed because of him. Sasuke's entire life was destroyed because of him. Naruto's entire childhood was made miserable because of him.

Nine tails attack was totally unnecessary and killed a lot of people.

Fourth World War which killed thousands of people.

Akatsuki is said to have destroyed a lot of villages. All at his orders?

He also slaughtered the Uchiha clan along with Itachi.

Have I missed something? Let me know, please.

He was basically, I suffered so much. Why not make everyone else go through the same pain as I did?

I give Naruto characters a lot of benefit of doubt. A lot. But it doesn't work for Obito in my head. Madara and Pain becoming villains had a strong reason, but Obito, nope. You can't always let your childhood trauma drive you and make decisions for you, especially when you're an adult, but Obito did. He continued to justify himself until the very, very end.

Nearly all the evil things Danzo does have an unequivocal involvement of Obito too. In fact, while their goals might differ, their reasonings are the same. Danzo spent all his life manipulating and using vulnerable kids. Obito does the exact same thing. I'm going to sound like I'm high, but the evil things we see Danzo do were, in fact, a response to Obito's evil.

It's just Danzo had no reason to do the things he did and Obito was manipulated. But, like I said, you have to grow up at one point in your life, which he never does.

Many people consider him a good villain, but I find Pain better. That's just my preference to him as a character though.

I'm mostly indifferent towards him, until some Uchiha fanboy/fangirl on Tumblr (I'm active on Tumblr only) sprouts the "Obito wanted to change the system" and "Itachi was a Konoha bootlicker" bullshit. Then, I am going to come up with these opinions, because no, Obito was THE man responsible for Itachi becoming who he was.

Obito was a villain for a reason. His sob story personally does nothing to me because of the reasons I mentioned earlier, and also because it's "my crush died and it's the end of the world for me", when we also had Sasuke (who had stronger reasons to be worse than Obito) or Itachi, whose pain could have turned him into someone entirely a different person, but he not only had a self-awareness, but also lacked the tendency to prioritize his pain.

And then, this, this is the way his story concludes?

Well, imagine all of the lives he willingly took, all of the lives he deliberately destroyed, all of the pain he caused, only to have been forgiven for all the horrible things and have this kind of ending? And then also be a beloved character most of the fandom views as a "broken hero."

Not everyone is as lucky as him, you know?

Anyway. Like I said, I don't hate or like him. This is just the critique based on what Manga says. I haven't included anything from the novels, in which he's much more sinister. If one has anything to say, I'd like to hear it, but insults won't be tolerated.

#anti obito #anti obito uchiha #ask #anon #itachi #anti konoha #anti danzo

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didalexiabreakupwitholgaisback · 1 month ago

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all the conspiracy theories that aitana actually hates her entire team makes me laugh every time i see them

also plays into the idea that everyone on a team has to be besties with everyone, even if she didn’t get on with everyone, everyone are clearly exceptional professionals and more than capable of playing with someone they might not like on a personal level

it's so ridiculous 😅 i did a post on my old blog about barça team friendships (if anyone reblogged it and can send me a link, that would be amazing! 🙏)

but anyway, barça is not family fc or a club where everyone hangs out with each other 24/7. if anything, it's mostly the guiris hanging out together (because they don't have established friend circles!) and then it's couples and individual friendships. most of the spanish girls who grew up nearby have their own friend circles who they spend a lot of time with and their own families too. and there's nothing wrong with that.

maria tikas went on a catalan tabloid show (that is full of haters!) to set the record straight and essentially said those words and that everyone gets along even if they don't always hang out together. and she stressed that the team is professional above all else and that's why we are so successful. you don't need to be bffs with everyone to win championships.

youtube

you know how i sometimes say that culers love to cannibalise their own? well, there you go! but this is next level bs. can we not be happy for one day? 🤦‍♀️

stop complaining and be more like bonmatellas fans who are happy over the littlest, tiniest crumb 😅

i don't even know if these anons are even culers but instead they seem like fans of individual players. and this is what happens when you are in a toxic parasocial relationship with a player and think the entire world is against them. 😵‍💫

#maria tikas #fcb femení #futfem #woso #fandom in a nutshell #fandom culture

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just-marauders-fics-i-think · 1 month ago

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Pandalily

(Strangers-Lily has a secret pen pal)

Really, it had only started by accident. Lily had been trying to find Severus’ socks, which she believed had been stolen by a James who wanted to humiliate her friend. Merlin, he was annoying, trying to get her attention and all. She’d been somewhere in the Ravenclaw tower, a place which she didn’t really know. The first letter had been hidden in a small nook behind a bookshelf. She’d seen a flash of white and had thought that it was the socks, but it was a piece of paper. A mere piece of paper.

“Hello, dear person who finds this letter. I hope that you’re having a great day. xxx Seer”

Then, Lily hadn’t known who the author of that letter was. She’d only learn that five years later. But right at that moment, she’d been half amused half curious, and decided to write a letter of her own.

“Hello, Seer. My day hasn’t been great, but I hope that you’re doing fine. regards Reader”

Lily had then placed her letter back where the first one had been.

The next day, out of pure curiosity, she’d gone back to where she’d found the letter, and had found an answer inquiring about her day, with a worried tone to it.

No one had ever worried about how her day had been. She smiled, and wrote a second letter, this time saying that a friend of hers had been in trouble.

Every day, there was a new letter, and every day, a new answer. Lily had come to look forward to the moment she’d unfold the mint scented paper.

After some time, though she didn’t know her correspondent’s name or gender, she learned that Seer was sweet, caring, a bit naive, with a penchant for conspiracy theories, and an undying love for anything related to plants, old books, hot chocolate, mint sweets, or macarons. In return, she’d told her friend, as she considered Seer to be her friend, all about her hobbies, her favorite colour, food and drink, what she loved, what she hated, and else which made her who she was, from the simplest things as her favourite sweets to deeper subjects as political views, the number of times she’d fallen in love (zero at that point), how she’d change the world if she could.

Years passed, and Lily felt closer to Seer than she’d ever been to anyone, which she felt was odd, as she didn’t even know what they looked like.

Sometimes, she pictured Seer having big brown eyes, a bit like Remus, and sometimes more like Peter, shy and small.

Seer was her confidant, a person with whom she could talk about her feelings -her actual feelings, not the ones she made sure others thought she had- with no care. Seer was her best friend. She hadn’t thought that she liked them that much until her amortentia potion had smelled of mint and chocolate. It was then that she’d known that she was in deep trouble. How had she fallen for a person over mere letters? For all she knew, that could all be a lie. A prank.

But she didn’t want to believe that. She couldn’t. Not when she’d spilled her soul out to Seer.

She needed to meet Seer, were it to ruin their relationship. She needed to know. To know that it was all true, that she could trust them, that her first love wasn’t based on a lie.

“Hello, Seer. I’m really sorry, but I need to meet you. Face to face. I can’t go on like this, I need to know that you’re real. Please.”

After putting the letter in their usual spot, she’d been unable to focus all day, receiving a sharp remark from Professor MacGonnagall. But she didn’t care. She needed to know Seer’s answer.

For an entire day, Seer was all she could think about. What if they refused? What if they hated her for wanting to breach their agreement on not revealing their identities to each other? What if…

Lily opened the letter, her heartbeat accelerating.

“Hello, Reader. I knew that you’d ask that at some point. I’d been hoping you would, also. And you did. Meet me right here this Sunday, at noon.”

It felt like her heart would burst out of her ribcage. One day. One day. She’d meet Seer the next day.

That day, she couldn’t sleep. What did the person who’d been with her through everything look like? Was it a boy? Was it a girl? Which house were they in? She couldn’t sleep. How could she, when she was about to meet the first person she’d ever loved?

Her head told her not to love someone she’d never met. But her heart… her heart yearned for the one who had, with mere words, cured her woes, dried her tears when Severus had insulted her, made her feel so much happier everyday, brightened her mood when she was down, made her laugh when she was sad.

When noon was ten minutes away (she’d been checking the time every minute of the day), Lily rushed to the Ravenclaw tower, leaving the lunch table without an explanation. How could she explain? “Bye guys, gotta meet the person I’ve been madly in love with for two years, and I’ve got no idea who they are! Wish me luck!”? No. She couldn’t explain. She could hardly believe it herself.

She was sixteen and in love with words. How pathetic.

As she walked up the steps, Lily’s legs grew weak. Did she really want to know? What if she was disappointed? Her heartbeat was so loud now that she couldn’t hear a thing.

When she arrived at the bookshelf, there was someone there. A girl. Her white hair was let loose, and it framed her face perfectly, but what Lily noticed first were those eyes greener than any green she’d ever seen.

“Beautiful…”

The girl looked up, and Lily realized that she’d spoken out loud. Now this was awkward. She’d have to wait for Seer next to this angelic being who now knew she found her angelic.

“Thank you, Reader.”

“You’re welco- wait.” Lily’s eyes widened. Had this girl just… “You’re Seer?”

Oh. OH. OH! Merlin help her. Seer was gorgeous.

Lily could hardly contain herself at this point. “I guess. But I was Pandora before I was Seer. You can call me Dora. Or Panda. Or whatever you want.”

“My name’s sixteen, I’m Lily. Shit. I meant that my name’s Lily, and I’m sixteen years old.” This was embarrassing. She was embarrassing herself. She wanted to hide in a rabbit hole and die.

Seer- Pandora laughed, and Lily thought it to be the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Happy to meet you, Lily.”

Lily smiled. She was sixteen, and she was in love.

“Happy to meet you, Pandora.”

#lily evans #pandora rosier #marauders era #marauders microfic #fanfic

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creature-wizard · 18 days ago

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If programming isn’t real then what happened to me. If programming isn’t real why do I have the conditioned responses due to what happened. If programming isn’t real then why am I the way I am. There’s literally no other explanation.

Basically every alleged symptom of the DID programming process described by the likes of Fritz Springmeier and Cisco Wheeler is a likely symptom of something else. Many are potential symptoms of other abuses, including corporal punishment, psychological and emotional manipulation, emotional neglect, and the like. These types of abuses have can have far more profound impacts than many of us realize, especially if we grow up in an environment where they're normalized or where adults assure us that they don't count as "real" abuse.

If anything, the DID alter programming myth functions as a way to scapegoat the trauma from being raised in environments like this onto secret cults of devil worshipers so these kinds of people can go on pretending their own childrearing methods aren't inherently abusive.

Now what I'm going to talk about next, I'm not saying that it necessarily applies to you, but I also can't rule it out, and I figure it's good to mention it in a general sense.

At least some of the alleged symptoms of DID programming are symptoms of growing up autistic in a world that hates autistic people. (I'm not saying that you're necessarily autistic, but I can't rule it out, either.) Many autistic people are put through a cruel conditioning process called applied behavior analysis, which is supposed to make them act like allistic people. Autistic people who can't pretend they're allistic are often shunned and bullied, and develop people-pleasing habits as a consequence. This type of conditioning was never carried out on purpose, and yet it was very much carried out.

We can also internalize shitty things people say both to and around us. (Like adults calling certain types of people worthless and undeserving - but whoops, turns out you're one of those kinds of people.) We can also pick up on implicit messages in media that aren't good for our self-worth (like when a trait you have is overwhelmingly depicted in villains, or when people like you are never depicted as attractive). This can impact us in numerous ways, including exacerbating people-pleasing tendencies.

This thread over here mentions some sources of trauma that are often overlooked.

Editing to add in case this post gets reblogged: This anon chimed in with some excellent points, too.

I think it's a safe guess that your life sucked, and that you were not treated well. One way or another, you were hurt very badly, and you did not get the care or comfort you deserved. But saying that your trauma symptoms can only be explained by the alter programming conspiracy theory is like saying the weather patterns of the Little Ice Age could only be explained by witches. Conspiracy theories appear to explain things, but what they're actually doing is offering false explanations in order to further bigger narratives that target a lot of innocent people.

For more information on the origins of the alter programming conspiracy theory, and how we KNOW it's a conspiracy theory, see this post.

#answered #did programming #alter programming #programmed did #trauma #abuse #conditioning #conspiracy theory #conspiracy theories #conspiracism #conspiratorial thinking

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spot-the-antisemitism · 3 months ago

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I don’t understand. The more I read on this blog and the posts you reblog the more confused I get about the double standards I see, so what the hell am I missing? Seeing lots of posts bordering on “Isreal/ zionists can do no wrong because they’re Jewish” makes very little sense to me.

“Publicizing that the Isreali government has killed thousands of Isreali children is a blood libel dog whistle”- The Isreali government has killed thousands of Palestinian children. That isn’t a lie. The idea of “Pallywood” is just as much a racist conspiracy theory as anything else with the same concept. This makes as much sense to me as a trans woman being caught red-handed murdering someone and then the people wanting her arrested being accused of dog whistling and just hating trans people because the “violent rapey ‘man in a dress’” stereotype exists.

“It’s antisemitic to not support anti-Palestinian jews/ only support pro-Palestinian jews”- Then why is it ok and encouraged to only support Palestinians that support a 2 state solution. Why are Isrealis correct or at least understandable when they want most of the land for fear of being victims of violence, but the Palestinians who want the same thing for the same reason are genocidal.

“Palestinian civilians are personally responsible for Hamas, a terrorist organization, because they came to power via election.”- Then why are Isrealis not personally responsible for the actions of their government via the same logic? Hamas is a terrorist organization for murdering/ kidnapping thousands of Isrealis as punishment for the actions of their government (which to be clear, this is true and they absolutely are terrorists). Then how is the IDF not also committing acts of terrorism by murdering thousands of Palestinian children for the actions of their government?

“It’s antisemitic to police people wearing the Star of David because of Israel”- True, it very much is, so then why am I also seeing the same circles call the Palestinian flag a “terrorist flag” because of Hamas? Why are they also insisting the assumption that Palestinians are gonna get violent, or calling them “intimidating”, is totally not subconsciously racist and completely understandable actually, even though said Palestines and their supporters are literally just calmly standing around and declining an invitation to talk? Talking about that tiktok with the girl who started crying to be clear.

Hi anon,

thank for essay of "gotcha" talking points that your cult sent you to send to me

"The idea of “Pallywood”" is inherently anti-palestinean and implies that palestinean culture and movies begin and end in hamas propaganda reels and is actually a thinly veiled "Palestinean culture revolves around terror and nothing else" all while dismissing all photos coming out of Gaza as propaganda .

DOGS CANNOT RAPE. It's blood libel. Next question

This makes as much sense to me as a trans woman being caught red-handed murdering someone and then the people wanting her arrested being accused of dog whistling and just hating trans people because the “violent rapey ‘man in a dress’” stereotype exists.

Hi yes what if the world was made of pudding? Well in Puddingverse a trans woman is guilty of murder, how quaint! Have you considered that maybe in your pudding hypothetical the trans woman would be treated differently than a cis woman who committed the same murder because of transmisogyny? Same applies antisemitic double standards

The palestinean flag is a form of pan-arab emperialism made by the PLO, it is associated with terror but it is NOT a terrorist flag. The Hamas flag is a terror flag. The Hezbollah flag is a terrorist flag.

"Then why is it ok and encouraged to only support Palestinians that support a 2 state solution." Because the rest want to genocide Israelis without exception. One state solutions are unviable at the moment. Next question

“Palestinian civilians are personally responsible for Hamas, a terrorist organization, because they came to power via election.” Never fucking said that. Gazans have been living under the tyrrany of Hamas for most of their lives and have to put up with their infrastructure used for terror, their food stolen and their children made into child soldiers. Free Gaza from Hamas!

Please send me more of your "questions" and I will happily debunk most of them. Please remind me of what I missed.

Cecil

#correcting misinformation #sealioning #bad faith #leftist antisemitism #antisemitism #leftist brainrot #leftist hypocrisy #tw rape #transmisogyny

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misunhye · 1 year ago

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MISUN WITH NCT DREAM

word count 250+ each

note if you have anything you want to request for misun, please let me know!! <3

Mark. [ Marksun …? ]

Embarrassingly enough, Mark was one of her first hardcore crushes. The two met when Misun joined SM a few months after he did, and even though he definitely knew who she was when another trainee introduced her to him by saying “You know Kang Sumin’s affair daughter?” to him, he didn’t treat her badly. And, so, of course; she was twelve—thirteen years-old at the time and fell in love with anyone that gave her the slightest bit of attention. Yet, because she was this pre-teen girl, she dealt with her crush by making fun of him and acting like she hated him. Eventually, she grew out of the crush and started viewing Mark more as an older brother. She apologized for her actions, but never explained why she said those things, so everyone else thought it was because of jealousy. Ever since, she’s always looked up to him for advice, even though he was only a year older than her and he joined SM a few months before her. She always gets his opinion before deciding on anything regarding her career. She likes to make fun of him, similar to an actual sibling relationship, finding his reaction too funny not to. But she really does hold a lot of respect for him, debuting so young and already being looked up to as a leader, she knew it must be hard. She tries her best to be there for him, but she knows he likes to hold the weight of the entire world on his shoulders before handing it off to anyone else. She’s always looking for his approval 1/2. The first time anyone ever saw her cry, including NCT, was during Mark’s graduation speech. Misun is the little sister he never thought he needed.

Renjun. [ Minjun / Sunjun ..? ]

Misun is literally the founder of the I Love Renjun club; she was the first trainee he ever met. She can and will fight Haechan for his affection, and unfortunately for Haechan, most of the time, she gets it. Even if it’s in the most subtle ways; placing a hand on her knee or arm, grabbing her hand and squeezing briefly. These two are such conspiracy theorists, it’s crazy. She introduced him to Buzzfeed Unsolved when it first came out and every new episode, they’d watch. Now that it’s over, she sends him TikToks of conspiracy theories. My favorite delusionals. At first, Renjun thought they wouldn’t get along but after seeing how much interests they shared, it’s no wonder. It’s often thought that she’s the one chasing after him, but really, it’s definitely the opposite. He doesn’t usually dote on her but she’s the only one he’ll mostly allow to dote on him. He’ll bat her affection away but then beg for it a few seconds later once she starts paying attention to someone else. He’s just too shy to outright say he wants her attention. They’re always on the same wavelength, often thinking of the same thing and saying it at the same time. They, and NCTzens, genuinely believe they have a connection and can read each other’s minds. She can always go to him to put her in place when she’s acting up or being too delusional. She can also always go to him to help her with ideas for other members, like birthday gifts, etc. He always defends her when another member says something (lightheartedly) to her, and most definitely does when an anti is being an anti. Sunshine and sunshine protector.

Jeno. [ Jensun ]

Misun was so shy around him 1/2. She found him to be cute, and very quiet— not unusually, since she always was, but she’d literally never speak in front of him. He was shy, too, so he’d never talk to her, either, even though he was curious about her. It was just like a celebrity crush, because they weren’t very close at first. She got nervous when she realized she’d have to interact with him when they’d debut, and Haechan forced her to talk to Jeno. She has never regretted it. He’s usually one of the first to scold her because he’s literally the only one she always listens to when she’s acting up. He’s so doting on her, you’d think he was way older than her. There are so many compilations of Nomin being her bodyguards/parents. Probably the only member that will willingly go out with her whenever without complaints because she never asks Jaemin and she also knows he can rarely ever say no to her 1/2. She likes to use it to her advantage. She can always count on Jeno to be there for her when she needs him, and vice versa. He’s the protective brother, but he’s also the cool one. He lets her do her own thing, while also somehow protecting her subtly. Neither usually don’t speak out a lot against strangers but they are literally the meme “He asked for no pickles” for each other. He always encourages her to do things but never pushes. He has only ever been disappointed in her once, and she wishes she could forget all about it or go back in time and do it over again. She’s always looking for his approval 2/2.

Haechan. [ Haesun / Sunhyuck …? ]

These two are … literally chaotic. They’re the evil duo. When you see them together, run. They’re so hot and cold it’s funny. One second they’re playfully or for real arguing, the next they're acting like nothing happened. Their relationship was not like this at the start, the two clashed harshly and Misun was actually jealous of him because she thought he was just so good at everything and was so cocky about it. He thought the same but that she was so effortlessly good at everything (in his eyes). It was bad, neither could be in the same room together for years. It took Mark and Johnny forcing them in a closet together and locking the door for them to talk their rivalry out. However, neither of the older two knew that Misun was claustrophobic. It really took Haechan to calm her down for both to realize that maybe they should put their rivalry aside. Their relationship is barely ever serious besides when it’s called for. Surprisingly, sometimes he gives her good advice (even if she doesn’t ask for it). Admittedly, he brings the best and worst out of her. Haechan is the one who brought her out of her shell during their trainee days, making her make friends with the others. He pushes her to do things she’d never usually do in public but also knows when to stop. Like with all the other members, he ‘flirts’ with her (not during debut, never, but later in the years … yeah) and she responds with an insult or deflects. There was one time she blushed at his words and he (nor do NCTzens because it was on camera!) never lets her forget it.

Jaemin. [ Jaemsun / Jaemhye …? ]

Misun was so shy around him 2/2. She honestly thought he was an angel sent to Earth. (He is. He’s her guardian angel.) She would stutter when he talked to her, because he always tried to get to know her more. He eventually broke through her wall and … wow. Immediately best friends, they made everyone else so jealous of how well they got along and quickly. They understand each other way too much, they’re so similar it’s actually kind of scary. They never have to talk, they can just chill by each other in silence, doing their own thing and they’re fine with that. She goes to him the most for advice for the more personal things and he listens. He’s helped her so much in healing and her personal family problems. It literally crushed her when he went on hiatus and hates remembering memories from that time when NCT Dream weren’t complete. They were also each other’s first kiss because neither of them had kissed anyone and wanted to know what it was like. There was a period of time when they crushed on each other at the same time but missed anything real happening because they knew they’d be better off as friends and didn’t want to ruin anything. They don’t talk about it, but they know, and it’s kind of like a “what if?” He is literally so whipped by her. He spoils the crap out of her, literally like a sugar daddy. Despite them being only months apart, he acts like an older brother and is always taking care of her. He makes sure she’s ate, slept well, hydrated, etc. He can rarely say no to her 2/2. They are literally the embodiment of twin flames.

Chenle. [ Sunle …? ]

The number one pain in her ass. He’s another member that she didn’t like immediately, thinking he thought too highly of himself due to him already technically being famous before joining SM. He didn’t really hate her back, he just acted like he did because she did. She was genuinely so hard for him to understand, and eventually, he thought he did come to an understanding of her character. These two are constantly arguing, NCTzens would be concerned they actually hate each other, but from their actions, they know they don’t. Chenle just likes to get on her nerves, even more than Haechan does. He’s like a kid who is mean to his crush and pulls on her pigtails. They are literally the Tom and Jerry of NCT. He’s the actual devil, she likes to think, but she’s seen him when he thinks no one is looking. He likes to act like he’s older, and very rarely ever calls her noona; not that she really cares. He loves the game “Yaja Time” and uses it to his advantage, even though it’s really no different from their usual since they’ve dropped all formalities. They are never affectionate with each other on camera, it’s always awkward brushing of skin and snatching their hands away like they just got burned. The reason they got past their ‘hatred’ was because of Jisung. If she wanted Jisung, she had to have Chenle. If he wanted Jisung, he had to have Misun. Now, they can’t ever remember a time when they were apart and don’t know why they would want to be ever again.

Jisung. [ Sunsung / Minsung ]

Her angel. She took an immediate liking to him when they first met, thinking he was so adorable. If she was bad at his age, he was even worse. She convinced him to see her as just a friend, not an older sister, because she knew both of them needed some. They’ve seen each other at their worst and best, despite the age difference. He called her noona when they first met, but he’s dropped all formalities early on in their friendship and only really began doing it again for their debut and then stopped again. She likes to take him to fun places like the arcade and ice skating and other things so she can heal his childhood self. She pretends like she’s begging him to go because she wants to, but really, it’s for him. Neither really had a childhood due to debuting so young. Jisung always reminds her that her childhood was taken, too, way before his ever was because of her family problems. He reminds her it’s OK to be a kid every once in awhile. She is his number one hypewoman, she loves everything he does. She tells him almost everything, and they both calm each other down when they get too into the “what if?” scenarios. A hug from him, and all her problems are gone. They’re each other’s protector. She’s one of the only ones to rarely baby him, but when she does, he knows it’s just her way of showing she cares because she does it to the other members, too. He probably takes care of her more than she does him, weirdly. He takes a special pride in being her protector.

masterlist.

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crownmemes · 1 year ago

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Supernatural & Paranormal Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences from various sources for muses exploring the unexplained. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"These sightings only occur on nights when there's a full moon, which tells me something."

"It happened just the way you said it would. How did you know?"

"What's the matter? Don't you believe in miracles?"

"The truth is out there. Maybe you should find it for yourself."

"You can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality."

"The human mind delights in grand conceptions of supernatural beings."

"The crimes we are investigating are paranormal, I can say that with absolute conviction."

"There are things you just don't know."

"Why can't you just go for the simple answer?"

"What would you do if you were a werewolf?"

"Lost time is a common symptom of close proximity to anti-gravity propulsion systems."

"We are all capable of believing things which we know to be untrue."

"You never believed in any of this stuff. This paranormal or whatever you call it. So, what changed your mind?"

"If you're waiting for my usual theory as to that is going on, I don't have one."

"Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it."

"I'm delusional? Did you just hear yourself?"

"You just jump at whatever explanation is the wildest and most far-fetched, don't you?"

"I don't buy your hollow threats."

"I have seen my share of the hideous, of the disgusting, and the repellent, but you are the most perfect expression I will ever see of all that is vile and hateful in life."

"What are you saying you believe now?"

"I believe that you will find all of your answers. You will find the answers to the biggest mysteries, and I will be there when you do."

"This isn't my life anymore. I'm done chasing monsters in the dark."

"Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else."

"There has to be a scientific explanation for this."

"Don't go looking for something you don't want to find."

"Have you considered that something else might be going on here?"

"The way I look at it, calling something paranormal is just a way of avoiding a real explanation."

"Are you monitoring my life? Bugging my phones?"

"Human logic doesn't apply to me."

"You have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will."

"What are you even after out there? Do you ever even think about that?"

"If you look too hard, you can go mad, but if you continue to look, you become liberated."

"Just because there's magic in one place doesn't mean there's magic in every place."

"It's easier to believe in monsters out there in the world than to accept that the real monsters dwell within us."

"It's hard to believe in something when you can't understand it."

"The guy that we're after knows what it's like to have died and be dragged back."

"No, it doesn't matter that aliens from out of space have no genitalia - they still have groins, and they shouldn't be kicked there!"

"I'm not suggesting anything. I think the facts speak for themselves."

"Ghosts are benevolent entities. Mostly."

"What does that tell you? That I'm crazy, or that I'm right?"

"Next thing I know, you're going to tell me I'm the crazy one."

"What is this? Another one of your whacko conspiracy theories?"

"If there were secret experiments going on here, I wouldn't tell you."

"You have no idea about true evil."

"The conspiracy is not to hide the existence of extraterrestrials; it's to make people believe in it so completely that they question nothing."

"Without proof, we're nothing more than conspiracy mongers."

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #rp prompts #roleplay prompts #sentence starters #supernatural;#assorted;

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ghostoffuturespast · 11 months ago

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Works In Progress 2023: A Cyberpunk 2077 Year In Review

I thought for a hot minute about doing one of those snazzy templates that’s been going around, but editing photos just ain’t my MO and rather than going by month I picked 12 favs that I’ve posted in 2023. Some of them were popular, some of them weren't. Overall, I think I did pretty good for just doing vanilla photomode on console.

You might be wondering why there's a picture of a sticky note. I don't remember when I started doing this, and I'm horribly inconsistent as you can see by the dates, but I'll jot down my word count for my wip chapter and then jot it down again when I remember to later.

I write slow. A lot of times I sit down to write and it feels like the wheels are spinning in place. My minutes and hours don't stretch very far, typically don't add up to much. But days, weeks, months. That's when I can at least measure the progress.

Fic: So It Goes 40/44 - 438,946 words

My V x River Ward and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory long fic. I've spent way more hours on this then I have on any of my VP.

I got tagged by @just-a-cybercroissant @therealnightcity and @wanderingaldecaldo to do some WIP Whenevers. I post my VP pretty regularly, so it’s always seemed silly to do work in progress posts for them, and I don’t know when I’ll have any new writing to share since in between work and the holidays, I haven’t had much time to sit down with anything since my last chapter update. And I've been feeling very... stingy, lately. Especially when it comes to mine and other people's writing. So take this WIP/Year In Review as my offering. Both these series, as am I, are all very much still works in progress.

I confined my reflections for this year below the cut. If you don’t want to read my long-ass essays, you can admire the pictures, maybe check out my fic, or just move along and have yourself a lovely day.

We’ll start with the easy one.

After at least a year of multiple playthroughs (I’ve played all the lifepaths, done all the endings), it only occurred to me at the beginning of this year to start taking VP. Part of the reason I never did before was because I didn’t realize it was a thing and then by the time I did, I figured I didn’t have much to offer. I play on PS5 and only have access to vanilla photomode, so seeing everyone else’s high-fidelity, ultra ray-tracing, modded, posed, full on virtual photo shoot photos, I was like there’s no way. (Not that I’m hating on PC modders, it’s just not everyone has access to mods or a PC capable of running the game, and I’m all for making art and creative endeavors accessible.) On top of that, all I’d ever heard from most other folks was how much vanilla photomode sucked. In the glamorous world of VP, I didn’t think there was any room for me.

But I started snapping pics anyway. And sure, there are a lot of limitations with vanilla photomode. But what that really translates to is opportunities to get creative. I am also a hoe for subverting people’s expectations, and very much believe when there’s a will, there’s a way.

Environmental and landscape shots were my first subjects before I started branching out into portraits and then capturing story moments. Through VP I found an entirely new way to enjoy a game that I’d already played a ridiculous number of times along with also finally being brave enough to share my V with other people too. I’d always worried about that before, if people would like her. Granted, I know Grandpa’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you like her or not, I certainly think she’s made a name for herself over the past few months. Even if most people haven’t really gotten to know her the way I’d hoped.

I’ve taken hundreds of photos this past year. Most of which I’ll never share. There’s a lot of flops, a lot of weird experiments, ones that didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I’ve learned something from every single one of them. I know how to spot good lighting, frame shots to create optical illusions, get a very limited toolkit to work in my favor, parkoured on all of the things, and heck, I even figured out how to make Grandpa smooch other NPCs. I’ve done atmospheric, mundane, down right goofy, as well as things that most people probably thought weren’t fucking possible.

I can’t say how long I’ll keep doing this, I’m sure I’ll move on at some point, but for now I’m still enjoying myself. There's a lot to explore in this game and I just can’t stop digging Night City.

Now, for the more complicated thing.

Writing

So It Goes… My peace, my war, my greedy and most ravenous of ghosts.

I’m operating under the assumption that most people following me here probably haven't read my fic or aren’t all that interested in reading it to begin with. It’s fine. But you need to understand this fic, my writing, is the main thing that brought me here. This is also Grandpa V’s story. Most of you have met her, but unless you've been reading, most of you do not know her.

I wrote around 185,000 words and posted 10 chapters this year. 2022 was about 253,000 words and 30 chapters, along with several unrelated one shots. However, I don’t think I’ve done a single chapter this year that was less then 10k, and my longest managed to hit 27k. As of the last update I posted, the fic is currently sitting at around 439k words, 40 chapters, and still isn’t done.

I have four more chapters to write. I have written a metric shit ton of words. This is, by far, the longest and most intense creative project I’ve ever endeavored to complete.

When I started writing, I was expecting this fic to be around 100-150k. That seemed to be the average for most long fics. I did not plan on being an outlier. I'm not sure you can ever really plan for that, but I guess I enjoy subverting my own expectations too.

For those of you who are reading my fic, it is my sincerest hope that it shatters every expectation of where you think it’s going. It’s not a joke that I tagged my fic “#an ode to my tinfoil hat”. An ode it has turned out to be. I’ve been sitting on this theory for two years. I have told no one about it. I hope it sticks the landing and hits the way I want it to. I don't know if it will. But fuck, I just want to be done with it so I can move on with my life, take a break, and give myself the opportunity to make and focus on other things before I have to get back on the damn horse.

I wrote less this past year then I did in 2022. I had a lot of life changes, most of which were good, but with times of change come times of adjustment. Along with some realizations that maybe you don’t understand as much as you thought you did. Looking back, I’ve been in a state of unsettled, kuzushi, for a really long time. Which is not a good place to be. It’s how your ass ends up on the ground with a knee knocking out all your teeth. I thought I knew better. Thought I had enough practice to get away from it. But bad habits have good memories.

I think given the circumstances, I accomplished a lot with my writing this year. I don’t know if my writing is exactly where I want it to be. I doubt it every will be, but it’s evolved, grown, and I wrote a pretty hefty stack of words considering I started working full-time again, bought a house with my partner, moved, and have been dealing with the millions of other beans that life tends to throw one’s way. That being said, and for full disclosure, I’ve also been dealing with some of the worst cases of jealousy and envy I’ve had since I was a teenager.

Frankly, it sucks. They walk with me every fucking where I go, hold my hands to whisper back all my doubts. Try to persuade me to my baser instincts, to be cruel and lash out. But that's not aikido. Luckily, I’m not 16 anymore so it’s at least been easier for me to identify the problem. Though I’m still coming up short in terms of actually being able to do anything about it, and will be for at least a few months more.

Yeah, I keep talking about it because I don’t know how many people know that I've been feeling this way. And I’m tired of not talking about it in a room full of creatives, because yeah, I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And not talking about it just makes all that pent up resentment worse for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But with the way I work and think, it’s a slow, tedious, and incredibly time-consuming art. With how much my fic has snowballed over the course of writing, it’s left very little room for the other hobbies in my life. And as my fellow writers probably already know, writing is an incredibly insular craft. And unlike a picture or an image, which only requires a glance, reading a bunch of words requires time and commitment.

So, when you put yourself out there and share what you wrote, it’s a lonely feeling not knowing whether or not anyone connected with what you put on the page. Especially, when the people who do read aren’t compelled to voice anything and when the people you’d hope would read don’t. And then you're stuck in the dark, not knowing, because neither of us says a goddamn thing.

I started writing this fic prior to actually joining the CP2077 fandom. And I joined the fandom because I felt alone. I’ve been here a while now, albeit in a few different places, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. I’m still trying to find camaraderie with my fellow writers and carve out something that kinda sort of resembles a home or a sense of community. I watch my peers around me as they seem to build that with each other, except me.

I’m envious of the things that people make and jealous of the relationships those have created and fostered between said people, because for the life of me, it’s been a struggle to cultivate that since I got here. I know it’s selfish, but I also don’t know what about me makes people so hesitant. There have been a handful of strangers that have shown up for me regularly, but as far as people I call friends in this fandom that have shown up and actually stuck around, I can only name one right now. (I know we're all busy. And I acknowledge my writing's not for everyone. I know maybe some of you are quiet, or shy, or probably a thousand other things. I get it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. People will never know unless you say. Never know unless you take the time to interact or engage. Be brave. And that's true for a lot of things.)

The propensity is for the negative to outweigh the positive. I've got a lot of numbers on my fic, so you would think things would be fine, but at this point they just feel empty. They don't bring me any comfort or real satisfaction. And I hate feeling like the people I know don’t care and that most of you are just talking around me. That I’m some kind of annoyance not fit to interact with. Which may or may not be the case. I don’t know. Again, most of you have never said anything. And maybe I need to accept the fact that most of you never will.

But this is me trying to start conversation.

It’s really shitty, knowing that the thing I want the most is also the thing holding me back. I know how to work on it too, not that it’s any guarantee. The problem is I’m still writing and in a needy state of greed. And because I’m slow, I don’t have the time or the energy to be generous. I can only take right now. I can’t give.

Relationships require both.

I can’t bring myself to read other people’s writing. I can’t comment, or like, or share if I haven’t read anything. I'm desperate for conversation, but I also don't have the time or assurance to facilitate it with other people right now. And for some reason people never seem to want to talk to me, especially when it comes to writing. I want to be part of conversations, talk deeply with other people. But I can’t speak right now, I'm not in a place to offer generosity without someone first giving it to me.

And generosity and grace is what we all need.

Four more chapters and I hope my ghosts will finally let me read in peace.

#cyberpunk 2077 #2023 year in review #year in review #virtual photography #writing #from the top #fic: so it goes #long post #i can't guarantee a safe space but i can guarantee a brave space #if anyone's been feeling similarly and wants to talk about it my dms are open #the door's always open

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nyxshadowhawk · 1 year ago

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I Read The Silmarillion So You Don't Have To, Part Four

Here are the previous parts:

https://nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com/post/726120109073104896/i-read-the-silmarillion-so-you-dont-have-to-part

https://nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com/post/726261927846772736/i-read-the-silmarillion-so-you-dont-have-to-part

https://nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com/post/726476229805473792/i-read-the-silmarillion-so-you-dont-have-to-part

Chapter 7: Of the Silmarils and the Unrest of the Noldor In which the peace is disturbed by conspiracy theories and shiny objects.

Fëanor decides to preserve the light of the Two Trees of Valinor… you know, in case anything ever happens to them. Somehow, using all of his knowledge and power and craftsmanship, he captures their light and uses it to create THE SILMARILS! The Silmarils are the biggest, brightest, and most beautiful gemstones in the history of Elfkind. No one but Fëanor knows what they’re made of (and at this point in time, he isn’t exactly in a position to tell anyone), but they look like diamonds and are completely unbreakable. Just as the bodies of the Children of Ilúvatar are shells for the soul, the crystal that composes the Silmarils is a shell for the light of the Two Trees — literally, the stones are actually alive. They are like three stars.

Silmarils of Fëanor by Nikulina-Helena

Side note — this isn’t technically in the text of The Silmarillion, it’s from Unfinished Tales, but I have to mention it because it’s hilarious — Fëanor got the idea to preserve the light of the Trees because Galadriel wouldn’t give him her hair. Here’s the relevant part of Unfinished Tales:

Even among the Eldar she was accounted beautiful, and her hair was held a marvel unmatched. It was golden like the hair of her father and of her foremother Indis, but richer and more radiant, for its gold was touched by some memory of the starlike silver of her mother; and the Eldar said that the light of the Two Trees, Laurelin and Telperion, had been snared in her tresses. Many thought that this saying first gave to Fëanor the thought of imprisoning and blending the light of the Trees that later took shape in his hands as the Silmarils. For Fëanor beheld the hair of Galadriel with wonder and delight. He begged three times for a tress, but Galadriel would not give him even one hair. These two kinsfolk, the greatest of the Eldar of Valinor, were unfriends for ever. […] there dwelt in her the noble and generous spirit of the Vanyar, and a reverence for the Valar that she could not forget. From her earliest years she had a marvellous gift of insight into the minds of others, but judged them with mercy and understanding, and she withheld her goodwill from none save only Fëanor. In him she perceived a darkness that she hated and feared, though she did not perceive that the shadow of the same evil had fallen upon the minds of all the Noldor, and upon her own.

So, just to reiterate: Galadriel is wise and benevolent and loves everyone except Fëanor, because Fëanor is just that much of an arrogant asshole. So when Fëanor asks her for her hair, she basically tells him where he can stick it, and he goes, “Well fine! I didn’t need your hair anyway! I’m going to make gems that are even prettier and shinier than your hair, and then everyone will be jealous!” And that is why it’s such a big deal that Galadriel grants Gimli’s much humbler request for her hair. Gimli may be a dwarf, but he’s actually a good person!

Anyway, everyone is impressed by the Silmarils, even the Valar themselves. Varda, the goddess of the stars, blessed them so that nothing evil could touch them.

Now, I already said that Melkor lusted for all the shiny things that the Noldor had dug up, so how do you think he reacted when he saw the Silmarils? Oh, you’d better believe he wanted those gems more than anything else in the world. He concocted an evil plan to sew as much discord between the Elves and the Valar as possible, and to destroy Fëanor in the process. Unfortunately, enough of the Elves start to listen to his rumors. They start to believe that the Valar brought them to Valinor to stop them from ruling kingdoms of their own. Melkor also told the Elves about the eventual coming of Men, which the Elves knew nothing about. Melkor didn’t know much about Men either, but it was enough to spread a conspiracy theory that Manwë was holding the Elves hostage in Valinor so that Men could take over the world, cheating the Elves out of their God-given inheritance. The Noldor start to want to go back East, to be free of the Valar’s influence so they can start building kingdoms of their own and establishing themselves before the Men come.

Fëanor especially is desperate to get out of Valinor, which is exactly what Melkor wanted, because this was all just a ploy to get the Silmarils. But Fëanor is just as obsessive about them, keeping them locked deep in his “horde” (as though he’s a dragon), except when he parades around wearing them during feasts. He doesn’t let anyone see them, except for his father and his sons. He’s already started to forget that the entire point of them was to preserve the light of the Trees of Valinor, and not just to glorify himself.

Fëanor by dakkun39

Melkor starts to zero in on his mark. He spreads a new lie that Fingolfin, Fëanor’s brother, was planning to supplant him as Finwë’s heir. And to Fingolfin, he says that Fëanor has always hated his half-brothers and plans to kick them out of the city of Tirion.

As the unrest brews, Melkor teaches the Noldor how to make weapons. Each family of Noldor believes that only they know about the weapons, and that none of the other families do. Meanwhile, Fëanor makes a secret forge to experiment with crafting weapons, so he and his family can have especially dangerous ones. Even Melkor didn’t know about that, that was all Fëanor. Mahtan, Fëanor’s father-in-law, bitterly regretted having taught him anything about metalwork.

Fëanor openly calls for revolution against the Valar, and escaping back East. That crosses a line. Finwë holds court and asks his lords what he should do. Fingolfin asks him, “Why are you letting Fëanor call all the shots? He’s not King. You’re the King. You tell him to stop!” Fëanor promptly bursts through the doors and struts up to the podium, armed to the teeth. He draws his sword on Fingolfin and tells him to fuck off. Fingolfin hastily bows to Finwë and gets the hell out of there before his own brother murders him on the house floor. Fëanor follows him and starts taunting him. Fingolfin has the good sense not to respond.

By Jenny Dolfen

Now the Valar get involved. They were sad about the Noldor wanting to leave, but whatever Melkor might say, the Valar weren’t about to keep them there against their will. This, though? This is a step too far. They summon Fëanor to stand trial before them. During the trial, it’s finally revealed that Melkor, not Fëanor, is ultimately to blame for all the unrest. Tulkas doesn’t even wait for the trial to be over to go and put Melkor’s lights out. Meanwhile Mandos (the god of death/purgatory) delivers his judgement on Fëanor: “If you’re our ‘thralls,’ then I hate to break this to you, but Manwë is the king of all of Arda, not just Valinor. So… going back East isn’t going to help you very much. Threatening to kill your brother is still a crime whether here or in Middle-earth, so I sentence you to exile from the city of Tirion for twelve years. Go and think about what you did! Then, after your time-out is over, if your family forgives you, we’ll let you back in.”

Fingolfin speaks up to say that he already forgives Fëanor, which is very charitable of him. But Fëanor just sulks and stalks off. Honestly, he’s had it easy — he hasn’t even been asked to leave Valinor, only to leave the city! He leaves with his seven sons and founds his own fortress, Formenos, some distance from Tirion, where he hoards all his gems and weapons and other sparkly things (including the Silmarils). Finwë loves Fëanor so much that he leaves his own city to be with Fëanor, and Fingolfin becomes king of Tirion in his place. So, in the end, Melkor’s lie became a self-fulfilling prophecy: Fingolfin did become King of the Noldor instead of Fëanor, not because of any treachery on his part, but because of Fëanor’s shitty behavior. Nice going, Fëanor.

Melkor lays low for a while, disguised as a cloud. No one hears anything of him for a bit, but the Trees look slightly darker and the shadows slightly more ominous. Suddenly, he turns up on Fëanor’s doorstep and pretends to be friends, using the self-fulfilling prophecy to his advantage to make it sound like everything he’s said so far is true. Melkor offers to help Fëanor leave Valinor. Fëanor still thinks that Melkor is kind of sus, but Melkor gets to him by mentioning the Silmarils, and how they won’t be safe as long as Fëanor stays in Valinor. Unfortunately for Melkor, he showed his hand too soon. Fëanor finally sees that the Silmarils are what Melkor’s really been after this whole time. He screams the equivalent of “Get the fuck out of my house!” and slams the door in the face of what is technically the most powerful being on Arda. Melkor runs off with his tail between his legs, but Finwë recognizes that this isn’t over, and calls for Manwë’s help. Manwë and the other Valar chase Melkor to the edge of Valinor, and everything is suddenly fine for a while… the Trees are bright again, and Melkor is nowhere to be seen, but not knowing where he is might actually be worse. The people of Valinor can feel him lurking on the edge of the horizon.

Fëanor and Silmarils by breath-art

Chapter 8: Of the Darkening of Valinor In which everything goes to hell.

The Valar assume that Melkor returned to his old fortress in the north, but they didn’t find him there. Instead, Melkor shapeshifted and slunk southwards, to a shadowy land called Avathar. He was going to visit… an old friend, shall we say.

If you think Shelob is bad, you haven’t met her mother.

By John Howe

Ungoliant isn’t just a spider, she’s an eldritch abomination that happens to take the form of a spider. Even the Valar don’t really know where she came from, and she managed to escape them by hiding in the south where they weren’t turning their attention. She weaves webs that suck in all the light around them. Melkor takes the form of a tall Dark Lord and tells Ungoliant that he will feed her whatever she wants in exchange for her help in conquering Valinor (although at this point, you should already know that when Melkor promises anything, it’s with his fingers crossed behind his back). Ungoliant agrees, and they decide to attack while the people of Valinor are celebrating a harvest festival. Because whenever anysort of disaster happens, it’s when everyone is unsuspectingly having a party.

Fëanor sulkily attends the festival, only because Manwë literally ordered him to be there, but the other elves of his household (including Finwë) don’t show up. Fëanor also deliberately underdresses for the party; instead of parading around with the Silmarils like he used to, he decided that the Valar didn’t deserve to see them, and kept them locked up in his castle. Fëanor reconciles with his half-brother Fingolfin right in front of Manwë’s throne, and may even have been sincere! The Trees shine with a perfect blend of silver and gold… for the last time.

The poor Elves and the Valar barely have time to react. Melkor leaps on top of the sacred mound and strikes each Tree through with his spear, and Ungoliant drinks up all the sap that gushes out of them like blood, and they quickly wither and die. Then Ungoliant drinks up all the well water, and she looks so huge and bloated that even Melkor is afraid of her.

And… that’s it. Just like that, it’s over. The Trees are dead. The resulting darkness is almost a palpable thing that can attack the body and soul. The Valar and all the Elves gathered in Manwë’s palace are thunderstruck as the lights suddenly go out, and then, they hear the screams of the Teleri, who have had nothing to do with this whole mess and had no idea that there was any unrest in Valinor to begin with. You know what I’m reminded of? That scene in The Prince of Egypt when God kills the firstborn of every Egyptian household, and there’s a shot of Orion, a beat of silence, and then a wail of grief and despair goes up.

Manwë sends the Valar to chase after Melkor, but they can’t penetrate Ungoliant’s cloud of darkness, and it’s too late. The damage was done.

By Titita

Chapter 9: Of the Flight of the Noldor In which the Valar have finally had enough of Fëanor’s bullshit.

Valinor is left in shock. Yavanna tries in vain to heal the Trees, but they are dead, and there’s nothing she can do… unless she had a little of the light of the Trees, which Fëanor fortunately preserved in the Silmarils. Manwë asks Fëanor if he will give Yavanna a Silmaril. Fëanor whines that just as the Trees were Yavanna’s masterpiece, the Silmarils are his masterpiece, and if he breaks any one of them, he’ll be the first of the Elves to die. Mandos mutters that he wouldn’t be the first, since his mother Míriel died, but no one takes his meaning.

Fëanor goes off to sulk, and remembers what Melkor said: that the Valar want the Silmarils, and will do anything to get them. Now they’re asking him to give them one. Fëanor concludes that because Melkor, a Vala, is such a shitty person, then all the other Valar must be the same. He tells the Valar that he will not give them a Silmaril, and that if they try to take one from him by force, then that will prove that they really are just as bad as Melkor.

That’s that, then. Because Fëanor is such a selfish asshole, the Trees are not healed, and there’s nothing left to do but to mourn. Nienna, the goddess of sorrow, stands on top of the mound where the Trees used to be and laments the scarring of Arda, letting her tears wash away the destruction caused by Ungoliant and Melkor.

Then Elves from Formenos, Fëanor’s fortress, arrive to tell the Valar about another of Melkor’s crimes: He broke into Formenos, murdered Finwë, and stole everything that was in Fëanor’s treasure horde. The Silmarils are gone. Fëanor is enraged, firstly because the Silmarils are gone, secondly because he was at Manwë’s stupid party instead of defending his castle, and thirdly because his beloved father is dead. This is when he first calls Melkor by the name Morgoth (which is what he’ll be called for the rest of the Silmarillion).

History might have been different if Fëanor had originally said yes to Yavanna’s request, before learning that Morgoth had stolen the Silmarils. We can’t know.

Meanwhile Morgoth and Ungoliant take the long way back to Middle-earth. Morgoth hopes to eventually escape from Ungoliant, because even he’s afraid of her, but she catches on. She tells Morgoth that she’s still hungry, and she wants to eat all the treasure he stole from Formenos. So Morgoth, begrudgingly, feeds her all of Fëanor’s beautiful gemstones. All but three, that is. The Silmarils literally burn Morgoth’s hand, because Varda made them evil-proof, but he grips them tightly and refuses to give them to her. He’s a lot weaker than he should be because he lent Ungoliant so much of his power, and she weaves a web of darkness to strangle him. Melkor screams so loud that his screaming can still be heard in that region to this day. Deep beneath the ruins of Angband, the Balrogs still lurked, and when they heard their Lord cry for help, they came to save him. Let’s just reiterate that: Ungoliant is so evil that Morgoth, who’s like Sauron but worse, needed Balrogs to save him from her.

By Sheppi-Arthouse

Ungoliant fled, and lurked for some time in a dark valley where she mated with other spider-creatures and ate their heads. No one knows what happened to her after that. She might still be out there, but one legend says that eventually, in her eternal hunger, she ate herself.

Morgoth rebuilds Angband, amasses his armies of Balrogs and Orcs, and gives himself the modest title of “King of the World.” He forges himself an iron crown and sets the three Silmarils in it. But his hands are permanently burned by having held them, and he can never take off the crown. He stews in his hatred, and vents his humiliation at the eight spidery legs of Ungoliant by abusing his minions. Despite how pathetic that near-defeat was, Melkor is still technically a Vala, and is so terrifying in his majesty that no one can even be near him without being consumed by fear.

By NeexSethe

Back in Valinor, everyone is depressed. Then Fëanor shows up and gives a rousing speech to the Noldor, mostly condemning Morgoth, but also repeating all of the lies that Morgoth had spread about the Valar. Fëanor declares himself King of the Noldor since his father is dead (which isn’t anything like what Morgoth just did), and persuades the Noldor that they shouldn’t live under the Valar’s rule anymore. After all, the Valar failed to keep out Morgoth, and they’re related to him so they must be partly to blame for his actions. Fëanor doesn’t want to be anywhere near the distant cousins of the guy who killed his father. Also, look at the greener grass back in Middle-earth where the Noldor can build an empire for themselves! They can become a warlike people, and conquer Middle-earth before the Men come! Fëanor throws some racial supremacy into the mix and says that once the Noldor have waged war on Morgoth and taken back the Silmarils, they alone will be the lords of the last remaining Light.

Then Fëanor and his sons draw their swords and swear an oath that they will hunt to the ends of the earth any creature — Vala, Demon, Elf, or Man — who possesses a Silmaril.

By Jenny Dolfen

Despite having just disavowed the Valar, this oath is still sworn with the gods and their sacred mountain as witnesses, so… old religious habits die hard.

Immediately, unrest erupts among the Noldor. Fingolfin and his son Turgon are horrified, Finarfin (Fëanor’s other brother) tries to calm everything down, and Galadriel (the only woman there) likes the idea of seeing Middle-earth and ruling a realm of her own. Fëanor’s side of the debate eventually wins, and the Noldor depart for Middle-earth. Fëanor hurries them out of there before they have the chance to change their minds.

Of course, the remaining problem is that Fëanor can’t simply declare himself king so easily. Fingolfin has been King of the Noldor ever since Fëanor was exiled from the city, and most of the Noldor are still loyal to him. He’s also level-headed and kind, whereas Fëanor is a hot mess. Fingolfin doesn’t want to leave Valinor, but accepts that he doesn’t have much of a choice, because he doesn’t want to abandon his people. Also, his son Fingon is urging him to go. Finarfin is even less willing to leave, but follows Fingolfin anyway for similar reasons.

By BellaBergolts

As the Noldor are leaving, a messenger arrives from Manwë. He says that the Valar won’t prevent the Noldor from leaving, since the Elves are free to do whatever they want, but that the Valar strongly advise against it. But Fëanor and his family are explicitly exiled from Valinor, on account of their oath. The messenger emphasizes that Fëanor is right — Melkor is a Vala —which is exactly why Fëanor and co. stand no chance against him or against any of the other Valar. So, the oath is impossible to fulfill. That sucks, because oaths are serious business, and once you’ve made an oath, you can’t simply disregard it. Fëanor has basically condemned himself and all of his sons to an impossible, borderline-blasphemous and utterly hubristic venture. Nice going, Fëanor.

Of course, Fëanor gives a typical arrogant response, urging the Noldor not to send their king into exile and “return to bondage.” He says to the messenger, “Go tell Manwë that even if I can’t beat Morgoth, at least I’m gonna try, instead of sitting on my sorry ass and grieving! My battle with Morgoth is gonna be so legendary that one day the Valar will realize I was right!” Fëanor is so intimidating that even the messenger of Manwë bows to him in response. And so, the Noldor leave into exile — some boldly and without looking back, some very reluctantly.

They quickly run into the first big problem: How do they get to Middle-earth? Fëanor first tries to follow Melkor and go north, to cross the narrow strip of land that connects the two continents. But realistically, there’s no way that an entire nation’s worth of people are going to cover that distance. The other option is to cross the sea itself, but the only way to do that is with ships, and the Noldor don’t know how to build them. Fëanor decides to persuade the Teleri to join his company, which would get them the ships they need — and spitefully, Fëanor hopes to further dismantle Valinor and gain himself more soldiers for his war against Morgoth.

The Teleri are sad that their friends are leaving, and completely unwilling to lend them any ships or go against the will of the Valar. Olwë, the King of the Teleri, never heard any of Morgoth’s conspiracy theories, so everything Fëanor says sounds completely insane. You can imagine how well that went over with Fëanor. He’s like, “You owe us because we helped you build your city! You stragglers would still be living in mud huts if it weren’t for us!” Olwë points out that friends don’t let friends make such stupid decisions, that the plan was to live together in Valinor forever, and that the Noldor didn’t teach the Teleri shipbuilding. They learned to build ships on their own, directly from the sea gods, and don’t owe the Noldor anything. The Teleri feel the same way about their ships as Fëanor does about his jewels — they’re unique masterpieces, and can never be replicated.

Fëanor doesn’t take no for an answer, and tries to take the ships by force. The Teleri fight back. What follows is the first large-scale battle between Elves. It’s brutal and sad — there’s deaths on both sides, but the Noldor win and steal the precious ships away. (Don’t ask me how the Noldor know how to sail the ships — sailing isn’t exactly a skill that one can just pick up.) Olwë calls upon Ossë, the Maia of the Waves, but he doesn’t come, because the Valar swore to neither help nor hinder the Noldor’s departure. But Uinen, the Maia of sea life, is so distraught over the cruel deaths of the Teleri mariners that she wrecks several of the ships.

By Ted Nasmith

When the Noldor reach the shore, a dark figure rises up from the cold mountains. Some say the figure was Mandos himself. He pronounces the “Prophecy of the North”: Anyone who’s studied pagan mythology knows that kinslaying is just about the worst thing you can do, so now all the Noldor are exiled, not just Fëanor and his sons. But Fëanor has well and truly brought down the wrath of the Valar upon his head. They’ve given him enough second chances. Now, his oath isn’t just useless — it’s actively a curse that will destroy his family, drive them to evil and treason, and keep the Silmarils forever just out of reach. After they die — and they will die, despite the immortality granted to them by Eru Ilúvatar — their souls will return to the Halls of Mandos as ghosts. The Noldor who don’t die will slowly diminish, and watch their own power fade as the other races gradually supplant them, leaving them with nothing but regret.

Mandos by marcelamedeiros_arts

Don’t let anyone tell you that Tolkien’s Elves are all perfect beings who are prettier, wiser, more magical, and otherwise superior to everyone else. The reason why all the Elves of the LotR fit that description is because only the wise Elves last that long. All the arrogant, hotheaded, and power-hungry Elves don’t make it to the Third Age because they’ve all killed each other by then.

Case in point, Fëanor responds to this imposing figure pronouncing the wrath of the gods with his typical arrogance, insisting that he and his family are not cowards and that treason is just another evil that they’ll have to deal with. And, as an extra “fuck you,” that everyone will sing of their deeds until the end of the world.

At that, Finarfin turns back. He never actually wanted to leave Valinor, he hates that the battle ruined his friendship with Olwë, and he’s deeply resentful towards the House of Fëanor for having caused this whole mess. He and his people receive the Valar’s forgiveness, and return to their beautiful city of Tirion. Finarfin rules over the Noldor that returned with him, but without his children, because they didn’t turn back. They wanted to stay with Fingolfin’s sons, Fingon and Turgon, and they aren’t the sort of people to abandon a task halfway, so they continue on.

Fëanor, Fingolfin, and the other Noldor reach the far north, where the continents of Aman and Middle-earth meet. They’re cold, hungry, and don’t know which way to go next. Some of the Elves are starting to catch on that Fëanor and his propaganda is the cause of all their trouble. Fëanor is already starting to fear treachery, so he takes his sons and all the ships, and straight-up abandons Fingolfin and his people to freeze to death. Fëanor becomes the first Noldor Elf to set foot on Middle-earth.

Maedhros, Fëanor’s eldest son, asks him if he’ll send any ships back for Fingolfin’s people (specifically Fingon). Fëanor laughs at his son, calls his brother and nephews and all their people “worthless baggage,” and then burns the ships. Maedhros just stands aside and lets him do it. (I’m guessing that the inability of Fëanor’s kids to stand up to their father is going to become a recurring source of conflict.) So, the curse has already come into effect.

The Burning of the Ships by Ted Nasmith

In spite of Fëanor, Fingolfin and his company pass through the icy wastes in the farthest north, and eventually reach Middle-earth, though they lost many along the way. The narrator tells us straight-up that few of the deeds of the Noldor will ever surpass that desperate crossing.

We're a quarter of the way through!

Next part: https://nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com/post/738735962858897408/i-read-the-silmarillion-so-you-dont-have-to-part

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samasmith23 · 1 year ago

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Viewing Kamala Khan as a mutant through a queer lens

I’ve gotta say, after having read Issue #3 of Iman Vellani’s Ms. Marvel: The New Mutant miniseries yesterday, one of the elements that I’ve really grown to love about this book is how well it functions as a metaphorical coming out narrative for Kamala Khan! In addition to the previous issues showcasing Kamala struggling with the newfound pressures that being a mutant comes with, especially during a time when anti-mutant bigotry is at record levels following Orchis’ genocidal attack on Krakoa, during this issue’s dream sequence we’re introduced to the idea that Kamala’s hesitancy to accept her newfound identity as a mutant and inability to access her new powers is all due to a mental roadblock inside of Kamala’s own psyche. However, when the villains try to force Kamala to accept her mutant powers before she is ready by invading her dreams (as part of a Trojan horse to activate a psychic bomb against other mutants), Kamala refuses her “dream-self’s” offer upon realizing that only she alone can decide when she’s ready to define who she is, countering Orchis false anti-mutant narratives and defining her solely by her latent powers by proudly proclaiming, “It’s not about the powers. It never was. It’s about the why we fight. The who we fight for. My powers don’t define me! They aren’t the testament to who I am, in here! I was afraid that being a mutant meant that I was no longer anything else. But that doesn’t erase any other part of me. It just makes me more… me. Who I am — that’s up to me to decide.”

Kamala’s story has always been one about identity, self-acceptance, and intersectionality. This has been evident since her initial run by G. Willow Wilson & Sana Amanat, where Kamala was at a crossroads in regards to figuring out who she was as Pakistani-American Muslim from an immigrant family who had just obtained Inhuman powers, eventually deciding to embrace the best aspects of each part of her respective identities.

Discovering that she now also happens to be a mutant doesn’t erase those previous aspects of who Kamala is, but simply adds to them. Additionally, several X-Men stories in the past have framed the mutant allegory through a queer lens, and there’s a lot you can read into Kamala’s journey of self-acceptance as a mutant in regards to both queer theory and intersectionality. I’ve mentioned before how the recent spike in anti-mutant bigotry amongst the general public following Orchis’ attack on Krakoa Island bears a lot of real-world parallels to the recent upsurge in homophobic and transphobic legislation by Republican politicians here in the US, and Ms. Marvel: The New Mutant #3 further expands these parallels. Similar to how Queer people of color are the groups most severely affected by homophobic and transphobic legislation, Vellani effectively demonstrates how Orchis anti-mutant hate campaign significantly impacts Kamala as a woman of color who just found out that she’s also a latent mutant. Orchis’ attempt to try and play on Kamala’s fears of being rejected by her non-mutant superhero friends while framing mutants as inherently arrogant beings with god-complexes, feels eerily similar to how Republicans have recently tried to push false “groomer” conspiracy narratives in order to frame LGBTQ+ people as inherently “predatory towards children,” further isolating an already vulnerable community by falsely defining them solely through the lens of sex. But similar to how sex & sexuality does NOT entirely define a gay or trans person’s identity as an individual, mutant powers do NOT solely define the sum of Kamala’s identity either. It may be an important aspect of who she is as a person, but it is NOT representative of the whole of her identity. Just like how being a Muslim from an immigrant family is an important facet of her personhood, but it is not the sum total of her personality. People are more complex than the narrow-minded stereotypes that bigots like to falsely project onto them, and Kamal effectively demonstrates this by accepting her newfound status as a mutant as merely another facet of personhood. She’s a mutant, as well as an Inhuman, a Muslim, a woman of color, second-generation Pakistani immigrant, nerdy fan-fiction writer, and a compassionate human being who simply wants to help others in need!

From Ms. Marvel: The New Mutant #3 by Iman Vellani, Sabir Pirzada, Carlos Gómez & Adam Gorham.

#ms marvel kamala khan #ms marvel #kamala khan #iman vellani #sabir pirzada #carlos gomez #Adam goham #x men #queer allegory #lgbtqiia+#comic review #marvel comics #intersectionality #g willow wilson #Sana Amanat #adrian alphona #ms marvel the new mutant #orchis

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jennyboom21 · 1 year ago

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And you replied: "Of course it is." You knew this was a a lie and it landed you in therapy but you want to believe.

This is the fakest moment in American history. Not since the moon landing has anything been so fake.

But you know what?

It's OK. This moment is actually interesting and fun. A certain sort of goofy obsession has seeped in. No, it's not real, but who cares? We all love this phony love affair. We will continue to love it. We will keep loving it until this spectacularly fake relationship dies and Kelce becomes a cautionary lyric on one of Swift's future albums.

For now, however, despite knowing this relationship isn't real, and likely some type of marketing ploy, we're all going to treat this like it's a true love story. The question is why do we like something that we know isn't real? The reasons, I believe, go beyond some of the obvious and superficial ones. It's not just our societal obsession with stars. It goes deeper than that.

Kelce and Swift represent a fleeting moment where we can all be a little nerdy and little obsessed and maybe even laugh at ourselves a little bit. I'm not talking about Swifties or Kansas City fans. Both of those groups are already hardcore and infatuated. This is about the rest of us. The people who don't have time to get obsessed about anything. The people who normally don't care about football, or how many stadiums Swift has sold out, can feel like they're part of something everyone else gets.

There's a more cynical view that says we're infatuated because our own lives are so boring. It's less that and more that our lives are so full. We don't just have our jobs and loved ones but the world seems chaotic and dangerous. There are threats to democracy, financial stress, a rise in white nationalism and extremism, and a general sense that things could go awry at any moment.

It's not simply that Swift and Kelce are a distraction. It's that sometimes we desperately need one.

This story is also about something else. The ability for all of us to laugh at ourselves. It's likely Swift and Kelce are laughing about this, too. So is Kelce's mom, Donna Kelce. Remember that scene in Kansas City when Travis scored a touchdown and Swift wildly celebrated but Donna, well, was just chill? That wasn't because she's seen her son score dozens of touchdowns. It was because she just didn't want to play along. Donna Kelce doesn't play that.

Yes, this is a conspiracy theory, but it's one of the few accurate ones.

I also believe we like the idea of Kelce and Swift as a couple because, at least as far as we know, they both seem like good human beings. We never truly know the people we follow as celebrities and while I don't know much about the singer, I do know the football player. He's known on the team as a diligent and decent person. He's been described to me by a former coach of his as "laid back" away from football.

Swift herself continues to do things away from her day job that have a considerable and positive societal impact. In a recent Instagram post, Swift pushed her 272 million followers to register to vote. The group Vote.org says it recorded more than 35,000 registrations.

"I've been so lucky to see so many of you guys at my U.S. shows recently. I've heard you raise your voices, and I know how powerful they are," she wrote on Instagram. "Make sure you're ready to use them in our elections this year!"

This, along with other things related to Swift and Kelce, caused the heads of right-wingers to explode. One wrote on X, formerly known as Twitter: "Taylor Swift hates America. Taylor Swift hates President Trump. Taylor Swift loves communism. Maybe Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift would be good together.”

Their anger was another reason to love this relationship.

The last time the public had such an infatuation with a couple was Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley. There was a belief that relationship, like this one, wasn't real either. That one felt weird to watch.

This one feels great to watch.

For the people who hate this story, don't worry, you're not alone. "I'm already over it," Chargers running back Austin Ekeler told the Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz. "I'm over the Taylor Swift stuff. Can we move on please?"

No, we cannot. We will not. How dare you even ask?

And for those of you who say you don't care about any of this, well, you've read this far. You obviously do. Just like the rest of us.

Even if it is totally, without question, completely fake.

#gaylor swift x promances #everyone knows she stunts but they can’t say why she does it #gaylor swift #stunts and shows #Gaylor swift x the msm #USA Today x Gaylor swift

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ironstrangle · 1 year ago

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Kissing Sam Wilson #1 - A Normal Crush (Samtember 2023) - Joaquín Torres / Sam Wilson, 650 words.

@samsseptember Day #1 - Free Space

Joaquín Torres considered himself an everyday guy. He did his job, hung out with his friends, and coped with a massive crush. A crush he felt too old to be having, but a crush nonetheless.

Okay, so his job was working alongside Captain America, his friend group was increasingly filled with superheroes and his massive crush was on good old Captain America himself, Sam Wilson. Still, he was a simple guy, a normal one, right? Nothing weird about fighting alongside Sam and wanting, more than anything, to kiss him.

It was normal, okay, but he was terrible at being subtle. He knew it, and so did everyone else around him.

Bucky was the worst. If Joaquín felt like he was too old to have a crush, Bucky was definitely too old to be bullying him for it. The geriatric soldier laughed as Sam left their briefing ahead of the pair. He had things to do - patriotic things - and would meet them later. “I swear your eyes bug out of your head every time he opens his mouth.”

“They do not.”

“Why don’t you just tell him you like him? It’ll save us all a headache.”

“It’ll make things weird when he doesn’t feel the same,” Joaquín said, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, Bucky. I’ll try to be more discreet.”

“Yeah, that’ll be the day.”

Bucky’s sarcasm was annoying, but he was right. Two days later, he found himself in an armored truck with his partner, staring at Sam’s ass. He tried to be subtle, but subtle kind of flew out the window when the awesomeness that was Sam Wilson was involved. Luckily, they were alone, so nobody caught him.

“Boring, huh?”

Sam turned back towards him from where he was watching out of the tiny window screen. They were staking out a new target, and he was pretty sure they’d find something before the night was over.

“It’s a stakeout,” Joaquín said, trying his best to be casual, and not act like he’d been ogling Sam only moments before. “I’ve been on a dozen and they never get less exhausting. Hopefully, they’ll show up soon.”

“I’m sure it will,” Sam said, turning back to look again once more before looking back at Joaquín. “Hey, can I ask you something before we really have to start watching out for them?”

“Of course, Sam.”

“I heard a rumor. It may be absolutely stupid, and if it is just tell me so I can kill whoever told me. But, I heard a rumor that you liked me.”

Joaquín was sure his heart stopped then and there.

“Who told you that?’

“Bucky, if you’d believe it.”

That old man was going to die. Joaquín’s eyes widened, and he took a step back, before being reminded that he had nowhere else to go.

“Uh…”

“He was screwing with me, wasn’t he?”

Sure, he could lie. He could say that it was all a product of Bucky’s addled brain, a crazy conspiracy theory. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t bring himself to lie. Joaquín shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. He sank into a sitting position against the side of the van.

Sam sank down next to him. They were both sitting inside of the van, not even looking through the viewing screen. They had to get back to work.

But Sam carefully crawled in front of him and then, still awkwardly kneeling, pressed his lips to Joaquín’s. He wasn’t even sure what happened, the world blurring around him. But next thing he knew they were lying on the floor of the van and Sam was kissing him and the world exploded into fireworks.

“I thought he was crazy,” Sam whispered against his lips. “Turns out he was just trying to be a wingman.”

Joaquín couldn’t even hate Bucky for it. What was more normal than having a wingman, right?

#samtember2023 #sam wilson #sam wilson x joaquin torres #sam x torres #sam x joaquin #samjoaquin

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plural-culture-is · 1 year ago

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Im questioning wether i should even ask, im so hesitant about this.

Every time i go into a depressive period, i question in im really trans, if im really plural, ocd kicks in and worries about ways i might be awful.

So bear with me, if you dont answer this or the answer is painfully obvious or whatever i wouldn’t hold it against you.

As a young child i was severely abused by my father, and when we got away there was a period i don’t remember where i was in “psychosis” (quotes bc uncertainty), where i became an ape and was lost. I have only one memory from that time, where i came out of that to my mother calling my name and holding me. I only know of this time period because my mom told me about it.

Much later, when i was lonely i started to have imaginary friends, and i told my mom about them and she actually introduced the very beginning concept of tulpas to me and idfk why but she said that if they become aware and i stop being their friend they may get angry, and that sentient imaginary friends are called a tulpa. I worried about this, and idk if it was just my paranoia or something else but i did start to actualy get a vibe from my main imaginary friend like awareness, i could almost feel thoughts happening that were just sorta beyond a barrier. I stopped before anything else could happen, and i cried to my mom i was worried that my imaginary friend would hate me and become malevolent. She said that i’ll be alright, and that my imaginary friend probably still loves me.

(This is where things get confusing)

Few years gap, i am still very lonely but probably more, i start having the beginning signs of depression i think.

My mom started getting into new age stuff and psychic things, and i asked for a pendulum of my own to talk to spirits, one of which i formed a relationship with and even a “psychic link” (talking to eachother with our minds) and at some point after intrusive thoughts, some unhappiness and this other voice that would pretend to be that one, i stopped for fear of getting posessed.

Around this time, watched and listened to a lot more conspiracy theories in my house than we did before, stuff like you’d find on Gaia TV or Joe Rogan and others to give well-known examples. I would hear about people contacting or being contacted psychically by aliens, notably these ones colloquially called the Blue Avians. There was also a videogame i played at the time with alien bird people too. In anycase, i was lonely (and tbh kinda grieving no longer talking to the spirit one?) got the idea to deliberately try and make a psychic link out in the universe and i made one, i managed to talk to a blue avian and started what i thought a romantic relationship looked like with them. I talked to and interacted with them every day, very often. I eventually met another two “aliens” through them and now i was talking to 2-3 beings mentally for a while, while they told me about life in their world.

I went through a lot of denial and that i was crazy or it was in my head, which i mean yeah. I later remembered what my mom told me about years ago: tulpas. That sounds about right. And with my new internet access i looked into it, i found i was already doing what those people were or atleast i was pretty sure. But some things werent adding up, many of them said a tulpa was more a mental construct and that they 1, couldnt be mean to you for example, 2, couldnt talk besides when you wanted them to and so on, mine were too autonomous i guess. In anycase, i continued but acted both as if they were real alien beings elsewhere and a mental construction for a while. At some point then i found out about DID and saw eery similarities, that was my second theory about what was going on. At around this time i broke away from the conspiracy aliens thing, and started thinking more about spirits, and would talk to random and re-occuring ones often. At around this point but maybe well before i started to fall into psychosis and a lot of intrusive thoughts and even hallucinations. At this point i was going through a lot and all these conflicting and inconsistent worldviews were starting to get to me, aswell as me starting to realize but not knowing outright that i was queer. I learned more things that werent conspiracy theories or new age stuff, and i finally broke. I describe it as litterally there was countless pieces of my mind fighting eachother, as verbally and not and everything was clashing. I am not using metaphore here. I felt separated from my body and in a haze, much like when im co-conscious and not in “the driver’s seat”. I fell further into psychosis too. Eventually something was said that made my different conflicting worldviews a little more compatible on paper, and i survived. Then was recovery, still talking to “spirits” and stuff and even aliens. Up to and before this point my family was obsessed with “shadow work”, aka forcing yourself to look at trauma unessecarily. I was partly doing this bc i worried that me being queer was somehow from my father abusing me as a child. This is part of what contributed to that shattering.

So skipping a bunch of tedium, i started operating as if i was plural after a while of debunking stuff , i figured out that yes i definitely am queer and that its not a bad thing, but i still had doubts.

I still talk to my presumed alters often, but there is some funny business:

After setting up some walls or rooms in headspace, they don’t intrude as much and i dont hear them unless i wanna and vice versa

Im struggling to tell if its my internal echolalia or if its me saying everything they say, and sometimes the line is blurrier

They can say things on their own even things that surprise me, but so can i sorta

im almost certain we can’t full switch, or if we can im not sure if i will have any experience while the other is fronting, does this make us monoconscious?

We can go co-conscious pretty much on demand whenever we feel like it, and we can do a partial switch too i just have to relax and allow it

Im pretty much always fronting fully or partially, and always watching when another is fronting

I cant mentally hear them when i talk too, i either have to go quiet or pause for them, and when i do talk it either is too much chatter i cant process or i automaticaly somehow mute my minds ears to them. But, due to autism, talking even to ppl outside my head is like this where i either speak or listen no inbetween

I want to hopefully finally solve this and get on with my life. Thanks for reading/answering if you do

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#not plural culture #am i plural #plural system #plurality #actuallyplural #plural culture #abuse cw #anonymous

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