#i hate birds also
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ordei · 10 months ago
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Torturing this bird is the only thing that keeps me going in life
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frownyalfred · 5 months ago
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thinking about how the Batkids must be SO tired of the Batman hero worship from the other Titans, JL members, sidekicks, etc. there's people literally falling over themselves to meet Batman in a Watchtower hallway, meanwhile they actually know Bruce, and Bruce just made them memorize backup codes to all of their major security systems in the Cave for three hours because Hal Jordan made an offhanded hacking joke at their League meeting earlier that day.
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untitledgoosegay · 4 months ago
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re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"
this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?
some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.
take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.
and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.
people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.
that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis
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hinamie · 7 months ago
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it's an icarian curse
p2
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tubbytarchia · 10 months ago
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I read a self proclaimed hater express how much they hated head-wings, feathers around the face, animal tails and bird feet, and that motivated me to draw all of those things
Woe bird feet upon ye, get fucked
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starry-bi-sky · 6 months ago
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tales of the passerine - danny fenton being bruce wayne's first kid
okay okay. so this is like a continuation/elaboration of my oneshot/prompt i wrote about the idea that Danny was the first batkid. We have a lot of aus where he joins the family after the rest of the bats do, right? So hey! Lets shake things up a bit. Danny is the first to be adopted by Bruce Wayne.
Danny's parents and unfortunately Jazz die shortly after the events of TUE -- how so? I was gonna say an ecto-filter explosion, that would call back to the TUE explosion and trauma behind that. But lets do something new! Carbon-monoxide poisoning.
It's not too unexpected for something to break in the Fenton house, especially with the Fenton parents' questionable understanding of proper weapon handling and lab safety. The water heater broke from a stray shot by one of the weapons, and was promptly MacGyver'd incorrectly. Danny went to stay with Tucker for a guys' night, and came back to a dead silent house.
(Danny's neighbors got a very unfortunate shock when he ran to the next house over in hysterics.)
There was a lot of shuffling around with CPS, the police. People had to be called in to handle the equipment in the lab, and the GIW was rumoring to show up in aid to clearing the scene. When Danny heard of that, he immediately went and dismantled the ghost portal to the best of his abilities. He burned the physical blueprints of all his parents' inventions, their blueprints on the ghost portal, and their most dangerous weapons were destroyed beyond recognition. Anything to prevent the GIW from getting their hands on his parents' tech.
It opened up another investigation, but he was not under the list of suspects. He was placed in the care of Vlad Masters, where they then went back to the rebuilt castle mansion in Wisconsin. Danny, terrified of the future that has once passed and may do so again, shuts down in his grief. Inadvertently, he ends up somewhat repressing his ghost half. Something Vlad, who is grieving Madeline but relishing in Jack's demise and his custody of Daniel, is not very happy with.
Vlad's... gone into a bit of a mental health spiral. He's becoming increasingly possessive over Daniel, the final remnants of his friends and a liminal being like him. He doesn't like that Danny's repressing his ghost half -- both out of genuine concern as a ghost, but also because of his desire to control Danny and groom him into the perfect son. If you ever had a phase where you read Dark SBI found family fics, first off; me too bro, and second off; those are the vibes I'm thinking of.
Danny's mentally shut down from grief! And fear. He's dropped into a bad depressive state -- paralyzed with grief and the terror of the inevitable. Clockwork saved his parents because he believes in second chances, but what's the point of that when his family ended up dead anyways? Danny doesn't wanna believe that he's destined to become evil, and he's holding out onto that hope, but it's a thin line, and he feels utterly hopeless and trapped. He hasn't used his powers or ghost form since he trashed the lab, and Vlad has alarms set up to prevent him from trying to escape.
He's also unintentionally cut off Sam and Tucker -- both of whom are so scared and concerned for Danny too, and are trying their damndest to reach out to him. He keeps ignoring their texts. Danny basically haunts Vlad's manor. He goes out to eat if he has to, attends parties Vlad drags him to, and stays in his room all day if he can.
At parties, Vlad doesn't allow Danny to leave his side, or really talk to anyone -- not that Danny wants to. A product of Vlad's increasing possessiveness. Well, he almost doesn't let Danny leave his side. Danny has a habit of slipping off to hide somewhere for the parties whenever he can, and Vlad reluctantly allows it so long as he stays alone.
This becomes an advantage when eventually, Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham after missing for years, and holds a bright charity ball to celebrate the return. Vlad has been chomping at the bits to get his hands on Wayne Industries, and with the return of its owner there is no better opportunity to wipe out his rival. He goes, and he as normal, brings Daniel with him.
Vlad thinks Wayne will bleed his little heart out for Daniel's poor orphan sob story -- he's a fellow orphan himself, after all. He's not wrong; Wayne's little heart will bleed, just not in the way that benefits him.
Bruce sees Vlad and Danny approaching before they're even close enough to introduce themselves - and like with many of the children he will soon come to care for, it's like someone set a mirror into the past right in front of him.
Danny Fenton's suit is tailor-made for him, and despite the fact that it's his perfect size, the sag in his shoulders, the ducked down head, and the way he hunches into himself all pictures the image of a child in shoes too big for him. There's a far away, glazed over look in his eyes and grief marble-cut into the lines of his face. There's not enough makeup in the world that will hide the dark circles under his eyes.
("My nephew, Daniel Fenton." Vlad's hands are possessive on Danny's shoulders. Bruce immediately notices the way the boy tenses under his touch. "His parents passed recently, and as his godfather I was designated his guardian.") ("I'm so sorry, the loss must've been terrible.") ("Yes, carbon-monoxide poisoning caused it. Daniel was out with friends, when he came home... they had already passed.") (Bruce immediately dislikes that Vlad shared the details of their death unprompted -- he likes it even less when Danny flinches at the reminder and hunches into himself.)
Danny runs off at some point earlier into the charity. At this point, parties are still being held at Wayne Manor (because iirc google search mentioned that was a thing at first before it was changed), so he disappears and hides in one of the empty rooms nearby. It just so happens to be the same room Bruce Wayne hides in when he needs a break from all of the socialization.
Thus begins a long, long process of trust. Bruce can't reveal his hand as being smarter than he looks, but he can be compassionate. Kindness needs no measure of intelligence. He keeps Danny company for as long as he can before he runs the risk of being found.
Rinse and repeat. Vlad insistently wants Wayne Industries, and he'll go to as many Wayne parties as he can to get his hooks into the man. The problem is that Bruce Wayne is never alone, and getting him alone is impossible. Finding him too. It's like the man never stops moving. Always talking to someone, always circling somewhere. He orbits around the room as if he isn't the sun of the Gotham Elite's solar system.
Danny's had such repetitive behavior that Vlad never thinks to believe that Bruce Wayne is disappearing to go talk to him. That "Vlad's" son is even interacting with him at all. Danny never gives him a reason to think so, and neither does Bruce.
Danny doesn't actually acknowledge Bruce until a handful of parties in, where he hands Bruce a small slip of paper he smuggled in that says; "don't trust Vlad". Danny's face stays carefully blank, but he's so tense that his hands are trembling, and he's purposely looking away from him. Bruce plasters a smile onto his face, slips the paper into his pocket, and tells him "okay".
(he's been busy with his own goals with the mafia, but he sets aside time to investigate Vlad Masters. He was holding off. Until now.)
Danny does eventually start speaking to Bruce, he's starting to really like the guy. He's starting to see a little hope, even as Vlad is starting to get more and more agitated with him the more he refuses to use his powers.
He reaches out to Sam and Tucker again, and starts trying to reconnect with them. Vlad has spyware on his phone, and he limits the amount of times he can talk to them. A weird parental control lock of some sort that leaves a time limit on how long he can talk to them for. 30 minutes. Danny doesn't tell them anything about Mr. Wayne.
Danny, slowly, wants out of here, and he's slowly gathering the motivation to do it. Vlad is genuinely scaring him -- and Danny wonders just how truthful the past-future Vlad was when he told him that Danny wanted his ghost half separate. He starts trying to come up with an escape plan.
Vlad has anti-ghost wards everywhere around the mansion, and while they're always on, they boost to full power at sunset. The doors and windows are always locked, all main exits have alarms set on them. The only reason it's not super extensive is because Danny hasn't tried leaving at all yet, so Vlad hasn't had to tighten anything.
At night, Vlad locks the door to his room and puts up an anti-ghost ward around the room. The mansion is on the outside westward side of Madison, more entrenched in rural Wisconsin. The closest town is a four-way stop sign with one house on three corners, and an open bar on the fourth. Not much to go.
He refuses to go to Sam and Tucker; Vlad would look there first. It's too dangerous. Vlad would sound alarm bells and have a manhunt looking for him, Danny can't risk going just anywhere. Too much risk of being found, sold out, or caught. There's really nowhere for him to hide.
Until there is. Bruce is telling Danny about the history of Wayne Manor, and says, as casually as saying the weather; "The manor has dozens of empty rooms, I'm sure Alfred wouldn't mind filling another one if he could." And quietly, hesitantly, Bruce places a careful hand on Danny's shoulder, unrestrictive and gentle; "He wouldn't mind getting one ready for you if you need one."
And there it is. There's his out.
Danny, just as quietly, replies; "I'll keep that in mind."
The ball starts rolling.
Now I've been trying to summarize this au as much as possible for length convenience, but Vlad has been steadily growing more and more controlling. More emotionally manipulative. More agitated at Danny for not using his powers.
He wants Wayne Industries under his thumb but he's been steadily growing more and more concerned with Danny. He's started grabbing him, yanking him around, shaking him; trying to goad him into using his powers. He gets angry when Danny doesn't react, or tells him he doesn't want to use his powers. He hasn't outright attacked him, but he's getting there. This has been happening over the time it takes for Bruce to indirectly offer Danny sanctuary at his home.
It all comes to a head when Vlad stops going to parties at all -- something Danny has to pretend he isn't upset about -- because Vlad doesn't want him around other people anymore. Vlad rarely goes now without him, and only leaves to go to a Wayne function or to handle something at VladCo.
Danny can't wait for Vlad to leave long enough to escape. So he leaves during the night of a big storm. Vlad's locked him in his room, but Danny doesn't bother trying to go for it; he goes to the alarmed window instead. Danny's been repressing his ghost half so long that he can't access his powers immediately anymore -- he can feel it, he knows its there, but he can't quite reach it.
He breaks the lock by hand.
Immediately the alarm goes off through the entire castle, filling the room with red, and he scrambles for the rope the Wisconsin Ghost left for him a few months back. Danny's already out and climbing down the side of the castle before Vlad even reaches his door -- the only good thing about the entire room being ghost-proof is that Vlad can't get in that way.
The rope ends before it reaches the bottom, and he's still twenty feet in the air. It won't kill him if he lands it right. Danny takes his chances, and drops. He breaks his ankle, but he survives.
And he fucking books it to the back garden. He hears Vlad shrieking over the thunder and rain.
I'll save the full experience for a future oneshot, but Danny makes it out into the nearby woods and forcibly experiences what it's like to be in a horror game, trying to hide from the thing that's hunting you. There's only one thing going through his mind; "i'm going to die"
I have this mental image for this scene. Very stereotypical horror imo. Where Danny is hiding behind a tree, with a hand over his mouth, and Vlad is a few feet away from him, glowing ominously red through the trees, trying to search for him.
Danny doesn't get away from this unscathed, but he does get away alive. That's all he could ask for. He gets away by getting his ghost half awakened long enough to transform into Phantom and fly to Gotham.
But he gets to Wayne Manor, he gets to Bruce. Or, at least, Alfred answers the door from his insistent pounding. Danny's just in tears and Alfred gets him in the living room, wrapped in a towel, with ice on his swollen leg before he has to step out and alert Bruce.
Bruce already breaks multiple traffic laws on a nightly basis. And that's just with the sheer existence of the batmobile itself, not including the speeding and military artillery attached. He breaks double the amount trying to speed back to the cave and get out of the suit.
Right off the bat: Bruce will know, at least before Dick enters the picture, about danny's powers. He'll figure out something considering the fact that Danny traveled from Wisconsin to New York in a single night. That'll be a bit of complicated affair, but I've already got something in mind.
Actually it'll probably be very soon after Danny joins the family, because Bruce tries to offer to fight for custody for Danny - the state Danny was in at arrival is clear enough evidence for a trial. But Danny immediately shuts it down, says it's not going to work and then Vlad will know Danny's with him and he won't be safe. He tells him that Vlad cannot know Danny was with Bruce.
Danny's biggest regret was not telling his parents he was a halfa, and while he doesn't want to tell mister wayne (yet), he does tell him about Vlad being one. He needs to know why Danny can't be seen with Bruce. So he tells him, and Danny's current plan is to just hide out from Vlad until he turns 18. That way, he has no more legal jurisdiction over him. After that? He's not sure.
And to wrap this up, since this has already gotten very long and I can make more posts about this au later; I've thought about it, and I'm going to say that Danny does become a vigilante before Dick enters the scene. He goes by, as you probably guessed; Nightingale. "Gale" for short.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#tales of the passerine au#i dont want to overemphasize how much vlad sucks but also i dont want to downplay it. but also i didn't wanna make this post too long#i didn't emphasize enough on vlad's possessiveness but i wanted to make this post as general enough as possible for the au.#for some more wiggle room in the future if i make more posts about this au.#the consequences for Danny repressing himself was not a concern i was focused on for the post but i am thinking about it and mulling it ove#i'll be blunt my main specific reason for why this occurs shortly after tue is bc it means dani doesn't exist yet and it means i dont have#to include her in the continuation of this au. i love that girl but she's a dead weight. i dont wanna come up with an elaborate reason as#to why she's not in the picture when i can just say 'she never created in the first place' instead. i don't have anything for her to do#I don't want to risk giving her a poor plot line just so that she exists in au.#sometimes i really hate just how long my posts get. i feel like it kills my engagement. but i also don't want to make posts that have#a part 1 and part 2 just because I think it got too long.#i feel kinda bad for having Danny take the spot of 'first partner' from Dick. But that was part of the reason i was inspired to make this a#i've already got the skeleton of a reasoning for danny becoming a vigilante being made in my head.#He can't go by Phantom since that risks drawing Vlad's attention -- a new vigilante showing up in Gotham. a place the visited frequently#who goes by the name Phantom? He'd be on that faster than chickens on meat. and nightingale has familial meaning behind it due to being#part of an ancestral name. it follows robin's theme of using it to honor his parents while still having its own unique enough lore to stand#on its own without feeling like a cheap copy. plus the bonus meta reason that it follows the bird theme. which personally is vital to me#my other alternative to Nightingale is Sparrow. mostly because it has good phonetic structure for a hero name. not too many syllables#a good balance of consonants and vowels. dont want a hero name with too many syllables or unbalanced consonants. or worse; both.#my reasonings is that hero names should be easy for a civ or teammate to yell while still being understood. max amount of syllables before#it threatens to become too wordy is 3. If it goes over 3 it should have a balanced consonant-vowel ratio. Wonder Woman is a good example#some things got cut here that were in the initial oneshot. like danny giving bruce his physical ghost core and showing up bloody.#the first son au
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oh-no-its-bird · 3 months ago
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might i humbly request tobirama acruffing kakashi and going "oh.. angry puppy."
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No scruffing because Tobirama could tell if he tried he would get bit (Hashirama however can not tell and will be bitten)
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br3adtoasty · 3 months ago
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Le Chasseur et la Colombe
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On the relationship between Juno Tauber and Rook Hunt…
➽────────────────────❥
If there’s one thing Juno is best known for, it’s provoking people. And provoke he did. Not the hunter himself, no, but rather his queen.
It started in their freshman year. The first few times were just small comments that could commonly pass as faux pas;
“Your hair is sticking out a bit to the side, y’know~”
“A little heavy on the makeup today aren’t we, Schoenheit?”
It brought immense joy to Juno whenever he saw a crack of annoyance on the oh-so pretty mask of the housewarden.
Slowly, light jabs turned to insults and personal digs. It was only a matter of time that Rook had to step in before anyone got hurt. Rook, of course, readily defended his queen, and the hostility between the two would only grow from there.
Juno could never grasp Rook Hunt. Ever elusive, shrouding and hiding himself in shadows, there’s just never enough information on him. Not enough to comment on, nothing he can use to attack with, no weaknesses. And that damn smile that never seems to falter... It frustrates him.
Rook, le Chasseur d'amour, admirer of beauty, who sees grace in all things and who could sing unending praises for even the tiniest of being, finds himself at loss for words in the face of Juno, for there was none to be seen. Sure, Juno may be fair-faced, but what good is admiring an apple whose core is so inexplicably rotten?
While they do not outright attack each other when interacting, there’s always an uncomfortable tension in the air whenever they occupy the same room. Their passive aggressiveness thinly veiled in exchanged pleasantries and polite words.
If Juno ever decides to step out of line again however, the hunter wouldn’t hesitate to put the dove in his place.
➽────────────────────❥
Bonus:
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago
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Alternative form of 'Hitting Wangxian with a Catboyification beam'
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renonv · 11 months ago
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Ignore the difference in styles but Two wonderful ppl on discord wanted to see me untwinkify Romano so I had to deliver
“Shirtless” (his tits are already out) vers :
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doctorsiren · 6 months ago
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Perhaps a Prosecutor! Phoenix, Prosecutor! Apollo, and Prosecutor! Athena (If you have a design for her)?
But if that's too much for you, perhaps just Prosecutor! Apollo?
Remember! Take breaks, drink water, and eat and sleep well!
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I had such a fun time coming up with Prosecutor Athena. Her whole thing is that The Incident that occurred when she was a kid also included an explosion, which hurt her pretty badly, but Aura saved her life by turning her into a cyborg. She becomes a prosecutor so she can find the real perpetrator behind the crime, while Blackquill is a defense attorney on death row rather than a prosecutor (he’s basically just the same tho lmao)
I based her off of GLaDOS. Her face is split the way the Mood Matrix moon is split and her design incorporates portal influence as well as Aura (and her ponytail is in the shape of the ponytail for the “My Life as a Teenage Robot” Metis drawn a while back). Widget’s been turned into a core :3
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actonesceneone · 6 months ago
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you know how people treat their reigen arataka plushies? that’s what I’m gonna do with asuka
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idyllcy · 6 months ago
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pov ur therapy is doom shopping - tim drake x reader (pretty bird countdown #1)
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The world stops for no one.
You drum your fingers against the marble of your kitchen island, browsing through online shops while you're supposed to be working on your paper, humming to yourself as the rain outside your window drums erratically against the glass. It's far too late for you to be awake, but you're also waiting for someone to get home. You wonder why he had picked such an early patrol time for once. It wasn't common for him to be back before two.
"The rain is terrible." Tim sighs, window opening as he slides in, unclasping his boots and cape, locking the window as he turns on the tint. "You alright?"
You hum at him, continuing with your shopping. 
"Whatcha looking at?" He peels off his suit, dropping it down the chute as it lands with a thud, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he stares at your screen.
"Doom shopping?"
"The day's been slow."
"I figured." He hums. "It's why I took an early shift."
"You seem to know me a little too well." You mumble, no real malice behind your words, clicking add to cart. 
"Isn't it nice?"
"I suppose." You scroll through your cart, blinking twice before closing your laptop. "How was patrol?"
"You don't need to fill in the silence, you know?" He squeezes you, carrying you in his arms as he tells you about patrol anyway. You need time off from your mind, and he's more than willing to help you out. You'd have a higher chance of being better in the morning than anything else. "So? What did you do while I was out?"
"I put the dishes in the dishwasher." You hum. "Not to dry. To wash. I think we officially have enough dishes to use the dishwasher instead of handwashing."
"Mhm?"
"And I also made some steamed egg." You shift slightly in his arms as he reaches to open the bedroom door. 
"Did you save me some?"
"Yeah." You yawn. "Middle section of the upper fridge. If you want anything else, there's quite a couple of things in the freezer. I think we need to eat the costco mac n cheese soon."
Tim laughs. "Yeah?"
"Mhm. Also, I was looking through my photos that I got before my gramps passed..."
"Were you thinking about him?"
"I was." You close your eyes as he sets you down on the bed. "I think that's why I'm so down right now."
"Yeah. I feel that." He mumbles. "I'll shower and then we can get to bed, alright? Feel free to keep browsing. The tablet is charged."
"Alright." 
Tim finds that taking care of you is no big deal no matter how tired he is. It's as easy to take care of you as it is to breathe, and even with the ring on your ear and the band on your finger, he finds that it has only gotten easier to be your other half. He's sure you would say the same, your ring never leaving your finger even while resting — never gone even when he's bloody from the worse days of patrol. The dirt and grime slide down his body as he washes, bathroom door opening as you move to sit in the tub to be by him.
"You alright?"
The lack of response and comfortable silence tells Tim all he needs to know.
"Did you see the new video from Bernard?"
"The one detailing Nightwing as a vampire?"
"Yeah."
"I did." You hum.
"Thoughts?"
"Found it funny. He used one of my photosets from April Fools years back as evidence and I thought I was going to lose my mind." You hum. "Do you think the study could fit a couple more blind boxes?"
"I'm sure it can... somehow. We can always layer the figures." Tim reaches for face wash. "Oh, right. I saw your serum was low. Do you need more?"
"I went over my spending limit for the month, so next month." You mumble. "What do you think about a custom figure?"
"You'd have to be filthy rich for that, no?" He pauses. "Wait. Pretty bird. Why do you have a limit if my credit card never maxes out—"
"Well, aren't you filthy rich?" You raise a brow. "What if you divorce me one day?"
"I am." Tim agrees, closing his mouth to wash his face. "That's not happening. Shoo. You'll put me in my grave before I let you get away from me."
"Then, we can afford it." You hum. "Well, might as well spend the money. Considering that we don't want kids and all." You choose to ignore his words.
"I can't believe your mom is still pestering me to change your mind." Tim sighs. "What gene do they want to continue down the bloodline? Your brain?"
"Your brain, birdie." You chuckle. "You're rich, smart, and other than..."
"Hey, don't bring my height into this!" Tim gasps. "Rude." 
"Hey, I didn't say shit." You grumble. "You know damn well your family has a tall gene."
"I might kill you." 
"That'd align perfectly with my interests." You blow a raspberry at him through the glass.
"Regardless, I told her she's getting no grandchildren. Told her I'm sterile."
You cough, laugh stuck in your chest as you gasp for air, wheezing in the process.
"You alright, pretty bird?"
"I just lost it, sorry." You cough, trying to get the words out. "You are NOT sterile."
"That vasectomy says otherwise."
"That makes you infertile!"
"Yeah, but if I tell her I'm infertile, she might tell me that we could always do IVF."
"Evil..." You mumble.
"I know." Tim grumbles. "Well, regardless," he turns the water off, "might as well spend money on the things that matter?"
"Which is?"
"My wife's retail therapy." Tim grins, robe wrapped around his body as he opens his arms for you. "Hm?"
"I don't know, birdie." You pretend to think. "Sounds like a lot of money you're spending there."
"Well, it's all worth it. Happy wife, happy life. happy spouse, happy house." He hums. "As long as you're smiling, then it made all of that nonsensical pining I went through when I first met you in person worth it."
"Yeah?"
"Positive." He grins.
"You've become real sappy, you know?"
"And you don't like it?"
"Mm..." You pinch his cheek as he reaches over you to shut the lights. "No. I do."
"I know you do." He pinches your cheek back. "It's why you married me."
"Maybe I married you for your bank account."
Tim pretends to gasp in offense, jaw dropped. "You couldn't have."
You go quiet, Tim reaching over to pinch your cheek again as you bite his fingers.
"Hey!"
You stick your tongue out at him with a 'blegh' and he huffs. 
"Nighty night, pretty bird."
"Love you too, birdie."
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raptureshots · 1 month ago
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I'm not providing context for this
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natelia-aldelliz · 2 years ago
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1 : Soap never had any idea that woman wanted him carnally, he's not the most observant on that front (he never noticed Ghost flirting with him and thought his love was one-sided for the longest time, but tbf Ghost was also very discreet about it)
2 : He sewed the hat, eyepatch and hook himself, because he's the best uncle and then got distracted as he was wrapping it up, so now he's watching a tutorial on youtube about how to build a voice box. Honestly how hard could it be, he builds explosive devices as a hobby (listen, Price doesn't have to know)
3 : He is out to his family, but doesn't want his mum to know he has a boyfriend because he knows she'll insist on meeting him and welcoming him to the family and making a big deal out of this, and he knows that Ghost isn't ready for that.
4 : Christmas is obviously a very hard time for Ghost, but he is very very in love with Soap and some days still can't believe that it's mutual, but then his Johnny does something like that and his head gets quieter while he's melting a bit.
5 : For the people that didn't see my other post : the bird is a Caique parrot, and they're supposedly very energetic, a bit loud, medium sized, unintelligible, very friendly to what they consider their family, adventurous and danger prone, with an explosive personality and a hate of boredom, so basically the adhd bird.
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a-dinosaur-a-day · 1 year ago
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Every time someone refers to dinosaurs as "lizards", when a) dinosaurs are archosaurs, not anywhere closely related to lizards in the slightest (birds, however, ARE a form of dinosaur) and b) lizards are their own uniquely adapted thing that isn't just "generic reptile", I take 260 million points of damage you know, the amount of time its been since dinosaurs and lizards shared a common ancestor
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