#i hate being insecure about my pride and joy

[atodadotwawotmetim]

i want to post more poetry but that’s humbling and everyone can see this. but then again nobody is going to see this anyway.

[goatedgreen]

Okay lets analyse this one for realsies. Im gonna go through each character in this tweet and go through reasons why i think they either would or would not be crying first, then im gonna put them in order of who survives the roast sesh.... join me on this wonderous journey.

Let's start with Atsumu.... where to even fucking begin. sorry to the Atsumu haters but i truly believe he would not be crying first. First of all he has known Osamu since he was born and while Osamu is the "nice twin" the bar is truly in hell and that motherfucker is mean to one person and one person only and that person is his twin brother Atsumu. This mfer has been conditioned since birth to roast and be roasted. Not only that but this guy was CANONICALLY hated by everyone in his middle school, and his only reaction to that information was "So?" HE DOES NOT CARREEEE. And, I will say, while the other characters shown here are bitchy, they usually target people in petty ways that make fun of their skills (with the exception of Daisho who would probs call Atsumu a single loser but he'd likely just get annoyed by that not cry) and Atsumu knows that his skills are too good for anything they say to hold weight., He has the ego the size of the fucking gym. he's fine.

TSUKISHIMA on the other hand.... dare i say it not the strongest contender ... I dont think FIRST. but this guy is wayyyy more sensitive to criticism than people generally give him credit for. LIKE YES BEFORE YOU JUMP DOWN MY THROAT, he absolutely has the whole "keep booing me it only makes me stronger" thing going on in the Inarizaki game BUT YOU FORGET SO QUICKLY how absolutely insecure this guy is. until yamaguchi kicked his ass into gear in the training camp, he was of the impression that trying to get better at something he enjoyed was fruitless because there was always going to be someone better than him. Someone insightful like Oikawa or Atsumu would def be able to pick up on that insecurity and target him for it. I think his strongest talent is of course provoking people so much that they cant see how much they're affecting him, so he gets a lot of points for pettiness that would keep him from crying first because theres no way he's gonna LOSEEEE to someone like Daisho or Oikawa. BONUS POINTS on his behalf though is he was the only one on the team at the end of season one who WASNT CRYING about their loss. And i think the only one on karasuno who we havent seen cry (as far as i can remember).

Now listen.... fanon Oikawa is for sure crying first because for some bizzare reason people characterise him as a pushover twink. Canon Oikawa told USHIJIMA to remember his worthless pride so he could crush him in the future. like... he's kind of taking names a little. i'll allow him a small slay for his efforts of being a bitch to Ushijima. Oikawa is SMARTTTT and has a lot of emotional intelligence, so can for sure target people's insecurities with pinpoint accuracy. He doesnt get SUPER easily riled up when he's "in the zone" and only lashes out when he's backed into a corner. he hangs out with what is probably a team of people scientifically designed in a lab to HUMBLE HIM DAILY, so he has built up somewhat immunity to being insulted and targeted for bully behaviour. LOSES TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS OF POINTS for being kind of a sore loser and someone who FOR SURE cries when angry or frustrated.

Daisho.... why is he even here (sorry to those who love him). Listen... this guy is petty, and he lowkey cheats, and he takes immense joy in riling people up for shits and gigs... BUT WHYYY IS HE HERE LMAOOOO. to be honest, i dont think he would cry first purely for the fact that he doesnt know these other guys well enough to really gaf about what theyre saying to him. on the other hand, that makes him kind of an easy target because he's so irrelevant to these other guys lives that they could probably make him feel like shit for that reason only. he gets bonus points for being the only one in a canonical relationship (oikawas girlfriend we never meet that he broke up with doesnt count, in fact it loses him points).

WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID. the final order i think is, Oikawa goes out crying first, not because he's upset but because he got sooo fucking mad at Atsumu's unbothered behaviour he had to leave and he was angry crying while doing it. Daisho is next because Tsukishima said some shit like "bro who even are you lmaooo irrelevant ass" and he remembered he sucks at volleyball and got upset, he's okay tho bc his gf is there to comfort him. Atsumu cries next but not because of anything Tsukishima says, he just gets so fucking bored of Tsukishima not giving him interesting reactions to his jabs that he starts doing weird shit like standing on his head and he ends up hurting himself and crying because he is a big baby. Tsukishima is the last one standing .

...

That is of course assuming that Oikawa doesnt kill them all first with his Super Triple Homo Spin Serve that killed all of Karasuno. People forget so quickly that he is the most diabolical anime villain of all time...

[akirathedramaqueen]

No better than any royal

It's an analysis regarding classism in Helluva Boss and Blitzø's part in it.

Warning: Apology Tour spoilers. Be advised if you haven't watched the episode yet. And also it's big as hell itself, I am not good in being laconic thing.

I wanted to write a post about the thing which bothered me for some time already, but I wasn't sure how to articulate it properly. Now that the 'Apology Tour' has come out, and we've got another parallel on the same thing, I think I need to grab my shit together and try to analyze this to the best of my abilities.

See, something tingled in me a while ago when I noticed that Fizz, when stating in the 'Oops' episode, "If you think you are superior to anyone, then you are no better than any royal.", was looking at Blitzø the majority of the time. And, of course, he specifically says "neither of you", so... yeah. No doubt he was addressing both Blitzø and Striker.

There is an opinion going around that Striker as a character is designed to be compared to Blitzø. They are both prejudiced towards privileged people (here you can read a wonderful take from @tealvenetianmask on the class rage Blitzø experiences to get deeper into his reasons), with Striker taking it to the extremes as far as killing them with joy, while Blitzø... well, hurting one particular royal in his own way.

Then there's the next person, who says Blitzø's behavior resembles that of Striker, in the "Apology Tour" newest episode.

He says that right after Blitzø throws an accusation that Stolas has just a turn-on for people he looks down on. I like, by the way, how the camera moves up to Stolas, showing their significant physical difference in height and symbolizing their gap in social status.

Which is him, by the way, doubling down on a similar statement in the 'Oops' episode.

I am with you on this one, Fizz :.)

Stolas is very upset about it, and very justly so - Blitzø is putting words in his beak, assuming his mindset, demeaning his feelings, and disrespecting his wishes that he was very clear about. Blitzø means it, unfortunately, and, my take is, he is as much of a classist as the rich assholes like Stella whom he hates for the same very reason.

Just hold on with me for a moment. Look at this.

They are all the same. Stolas is the same.

Blitzø is treating Stolas unfairly based on his social class. Blitzø has a negative opinion of Stolas based on his social class. That's pretty much the definition, although more often than not it's referred to people of lower social status. Still counts in my book.

Don't get me wrong. Stolas is not innocent. He is raised in the privileged world and he takes advantage of it. He is treating his workers unfairly (remember that stressball imp guy?), and this also needs to be addressed... But it does not change the fact that Stolas's genuine feelings got mocked by Blitzø because the latter is so adamant in his superstitions, he does not believe anything the prince says.

And, to add to that, I think Blitzø takes great pride in being the 'I-made-myself' guy, running a successful business they said is rare for an imp. He is insistent in letting everyone know he has a transaction with Stolas, not a relationship. An exchange. A business deal. A fair trade, however stupid and twisted does that sound. He hates privilege, and he is afraid, insecure even, to be associated with it. He does not want to become like them.

And Blitzø, like Fizz said, thinks he is superior to ones who mingle with blue bloods and take from their riches. He thinks he is superior to blue bloods themselves because he earned everything he owns, and they got a birthright to hold onto.

Which, essentially, makes Blitzø no better than any royal.

That does not make him irredeemeable, though. He has plenty of reasons for behaving like that. He suffers every day from injustice. He is at the bottom of the food chain, he has to wait for 5 years to get an appointment for an essential vaccine, he gets ridiculed all the time for just existing. For just being an imp.

Blitzø just needs to understand, that, however privileged Stolas is, he is as fucked by this system as Blitzø is. Stolas had the whole life planned for him, he had no choice even in whom to marry, and he had to put up with years of abuse and trauma to hold an image. He did not have parents and has no friends. He struggles to survive in the environment where people like him are not welcome. He suffers because of the same system as Blitzø does, albeit differently.

I am not trying to compare who has it worse. The only point is that Blitzø is oblivious to the fact that Stolas can get hurt. Physically and emotionally.

Blitzø needs to understand that Stolas is different. Blitzø needs to give Stolas a chance to prove he is wrong. Blitz needs to let their relationship flourish. And through Stolas, he will eventually see that there are probably more royals who are not so horrible as he thinks. That everyone is different regardless of their social status.

As a closing note, I want to say that I wait for Striker's return. I think that there will be a point where they will meet again, but that time Blitzø will mature and prove that he has changed. And no one will dare to say that Blitzø is just like him ever again, which would be a perfect closure for the class conflict.

[pumpumdemsugah]

“eventually people end up identifying more with the dehuminisation than the actual experience of being whatever identity”

godddd YES. i got off twitter for this exact reason because so many black ‘queer’ women on there are obsessed with othering themselves and begging for scraps at the alter of whiteness and it stinks. finding other gay woc was cool at first but only on the surface. lesbianism was cool in theory but people got so insecure if everyone else wasn’t included (even tho this was a group of supposedly lesbians and bi women??) and idek every convo became this black hole of lies and misinformation about gender and stereotypes and like you said it started to erode on our actual existence. but no one wanted to escape it! everyone just reinforced the bullshit and when i spoke out they turned on me for daring to actually see myself as a fully realized human being? had to dip bc the self censoring on my part was insane its like they think it’s empowering to degrade themselves first but all they do is hold up these racist ideals and they either can’t see it or don’t care. nobody reads or tries to engage with actual history it’s all vibes and crystals and baseless validation. i seriously don’t know what they get out of doing this because the yts they associate with don’t even give af about them. pathetic fr.

It's ugly and people are doing it with pictures and gov names attached and worse trying to make a career out of it. Some of these women are straight up coons, homophobes and women haters. There's a point where your internalised self hatred becomes a public biohazard and you're trying to infect others

I have a sense of shame and pride that stops me. When I was being crazy about my boobs one day I felt like I was going too fucking far, I felt a little ashamed and interrogated that instead of making excuses. No one wants to be reflective about their own behaviour. We're never going to have constant positive thoughts but it doesn't mean you should create hell

These women want to be dehuminisation in flesh and they're all miserable and spiralling for what ? Attention? What about actual joy and connection? What are they trying to prove ?

These people want everyone to be as miserable, uncomfortable and pathetic as them and I'm not doing that. It's not even ohh self love but I'm not living like that. I've never hated myself enough to behave like that and if it makes them think I'm better than them because it makes them look pathetic they should stop acting pathetic. Eventually you have to grow

[xxwhiskeyxx]

It’s All Because I Fell

Mountain and Reader have been friends for the last 3 years but have had feelings for the last 2 years (Mount) and 1 year (Reader), but the problem is that both believe that the other have a crush on different people. Mountain thinks Reader likes Swiss and Reader thinks Mountain likes Sister Harlow, both want the other to be happy so neither reveal their feelings. But the other ghouls and Harlow are getting annoyed by their longing sighs of how much they love each other and how much they talk about they talk about the other. So Swiss and Harlow come up with a plan to get these lovebirds together. ALSO, READER IS AFAB BUT IS REFERED TO AS THEY/THEM BECAUSE I’M A FOLLOWER AND IM INDULGING MYSELF

9k words

First Chapter: Mountain loves his Squirrel

Narrators POV: (Wednesday)

The sound of an alarm blaring through a room shocked (Y/N) from their dreams, groaning they roll over and shove their face into their pillow, hating the world and its societal expectations of making people work. Until they realized that today they are in the gardens with Harlow and Mountain, gathering and readying the crops for the soon-approaching summer. (Y/N) rolls out of bed and stretches with a groan when suddenly there is a knock at their door, “Who is it?”, (Y/N) asks as they stumble to the small bathroom attached to their courters, “It’s me, ya sexy bitch,” calls Harlow before she lets herself in knowing (Y/N) won’t care if she watches them get dressed since this has been their routine since they became friends in high school. In fact, (Y/N) was the one who got Harlow to join after they found out their favorite band in high school was in fact an actual band made of ghouls and that Papa Emeritus was in fact the head of the Church of Emeritus. “Can you grab my habit from the closest please LowLow?”, (Y/N) called from the bathroom, slightly garbled as they brushed their teeth, Harlow called back a yes as she grabbed one of the habits that (Y/N) used for gardening, the skirt and sleeves were slightly longer and had permanent stains and small holes due to the years of it being dragged through the literal mud and working in the beautiful, expansive garden that was Papa Primos pride and joy. (Y/N) finally emerged, drying their face as they tossed the towel into the basket. “Are you excited to work with your mannn,” Harlow teased, “I heard Primo say that he wants you two to work on getting the apples and peaches from the trees, since your the best climber and Mountain for..obvious reasons.” “Harlow! He is not “my man”, we both know he likes you, he’s always watching you at meal times and he asks you for help whenever we’re outside..” (Y/N) trails off, looking away slightly saddened by the thought as they dressed, making sure to pull on leggings underneath their habit as they would be climbing today and slipping on their combat boots. Harlow rolls thier eyes, (Y/N) thinks Mountain is looking at her because if their always next to each other, he is staring at the oblivious and insecure dumbass that is their best friend and he askes Harlow to help because he gets too nervous around (Y/N), especially when they have to be close when picking and tending the same section/plants. “Come on, your moving slower than Nihil at this point, we’re gonna be late. Also I will tell you this for the thousandth time, He likes YOU not me dumbass!” Harlow rolls her eyes as she pulls (Y/N) out of their room, sunshine pouring through the windows of the abby, frost still cripsing the grass and windows as they run towards the gardens, laughing and giggling between each other.

Mountains POV:

I hear the approach giggles of Harlow and (Y/N) before I see them, I stand up from the tomato plant I was fixing after it had gotten battered by the winds of last night small storm. Turning towards the sound, I set my gaze onto (Y/N), taking in their beauty as the morning sun settles on their laughing face. ‘I wish that I could tell them, but it’s useless compared to Swiss; I’m quiet, hes the people person, I prefer to be alone with just Rain and (Y/N), he knows how to make people laugh and draw in a crowd, he also isn’t 8 feet tall when unglamored and could possibly hurt them.’ “Mou…Mount? MOUNTAIN!?” I’m drawn out of my thoughts by (Y/N) shaking my arm and Harlow yelling my name, “You good buddy? Seems like you were lost in ya head for a mintue there.” (Y/N) teased as Harlow makes her way over to Primo to get her instructions for the day since he had to leave before she could get hers yesterday. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine, just a little tired after having to calm Dew’s tantrum last night.” I groan out, rubbing my face at the memory, “Oh no what happened”, (Y/N) laughs, knowing how hot the gremlins temper runs, especially after doing his least favorite chore of cleaning the animal pens that the Ministry kept and doing the kitchen inventory, let alone back to back on the same day. “Swiss and Aether were teasing him about stinking and being bad at counting because he was complaining about inventory taking so long cause he had to keep recounting after missing a jar or bag, had to drag him off Aether while Rain was trying to calm him with his ability cause I had to focus on keeping him from killing the other idiots. We were holed up in Rains room just holding him, and then..ya know how Dew gets after he gets mad.” I flush at the memory of the needy fire ghoul whining for more as Rain and I ruined him. (Y/N) also blushes at the described pairing, having had to help out Dew after a temper tantrum when Mountain was away due to Dew’s habit of basically turning into a puppy when (Y/N) is around, they have him practically eating out of their hand when it comes to calming him down, its like watching a miracle at work whenever they get called to help calm the resident gremlin. “So, you ready to get the apples and stuff from the trees?” I ask as we walk to where the baskets are kept, “Yeah, I love having an excuse to climb the trees without Sister getting onto me for not having shoes on and acting “Heathen like”, which we literally live in a church dedicated to worshipping Satan? Isn’t it good I’m a heath?”, we laugh together as we reroute towards the small orchard in the corner of the garden. Which while it is small, only about 20 trees, it’ll still take us till around noon to get even halfway done. We make small talk, this is one of the times I am grateful for having to wear the mask as it help hide the blush they brought to my cheeks as we make our way over. Stopping at the first tree, I decide they can have it, “Do you want a boost to branches closer to the top?”, I look down to gage their reaction being in my half-glamored state I am only 7’3 but have my tail, claws, and horns, which is of course hidden by my mask. We have to wear them outside of the ghoul dorms, even around siblings that know/have permission to know what we look like because others who don’t may see. Not everyone is keen to seeing fangs, horns, and grey skin in the face even though they know we’re here, stupid rule I know, but we gotta keep sister happy, thankfully she didn’t mind if we wore our older maskes as she understood that it was hard to see through the bug masks so I was wearing the last eras silver mask as it was easier to breath in and wasn’t suffocating. “Nah, it’s not to far up, I can make it myself. Thanks though, Mounty.” They decline with a small smile as they take off their shoes and are almost instantly up the tree, like a squirrel. I chuckle to myself, watching them shimmy and scamper across the branches with the rodents they mirror, before turning to the next tree and unglamoring fully to give myself extra height to make it easier to gather the fruit between the branches without having to climb till I have to check the tops.

Timeskip

By noon we had finished 9 trees each, I had just finished up my 9th tree when I heard the bell tolling calling siblings and ghouls alike to lunch. I turn and go to find (Y/N), walking towards the line of trees they had been working on when I had last looked. Looking up into the branches, I see no hint of their black habit, while also trying to accidentally look up the skirt of their assigned uniform, when all of a sudden, I hear rustling from above me, and before I could look up, I feel a thunk on my head and hear a familiar giggle. Glancing for what had hit me, I spy an apple before I peer into the branches above for the source of the giggle, I catch a glimpse of (Y/N) sitting on a branch, about 6 feet above me, covering their mouth to hide their laughter and holding a second apple. But before they could throw it, I see them wobble and loose their balance on the branch. My eyes widen as they sudden fall, “(Y/N)!”, they scream as I try to get under them to catch them. They land solidly ontop of me, knocking us to the ground from the force.

(Y/N) POV

I had finished the last of the apples from this tree when I heard the lunch bell toiling from the church, I lowered my basket to the ground as I looked up searching for Mountain. I see him setting his basket down when I get a sneaky idea, quietly and quickly climbing back up the tree with two small apples I wait for him to come looking for me since he never leaves without making sure both me and Harlow go to lunch with him as I had a habit of sometimes skipping lunch to finish my work. I make it a couple feet up and settle on a branch, since I had to make sure I wasn’t at eye level to make sure my plan works, I felt a little unstable because this branch was slightly thinner but I haven’t fallen yet so I just shift my weight and grip the branch a little tigher with my legs. I wait for him to walk under the tree before dropping the apple, giggling at the cartoonish thunk of the apple and the surpised confusion on his face as he looked up. I go to drop the second apple but I guess I leaned to far to the side but I wouldn’t know because all of a sudden I felt myself slipping and before I could right myself, I was plummeting to the ground and a scream escapes my throat. I hear Mountain scream my name as I feel arms suddenly grapple me and we’re sent to the ground. We both groan as the air was knocked from our lungs as we hit the ground, I come to my sense a bit faster than Mountain and without thinking of the position we were in, I scramble up and cup his face, “Mount are you okay?!”, I ask scared I hurt him, “Am I okay?! Are you okay?!”, he sits up and copies my movement, checking me all over for any sign of injury. This is when I realize our compromising position, I was straddling his lap with our faces inches apart, my face flushes bright red all the way to the tips of my ears. He seems to realize it as well after he determined I didn’t seem harmed. “Ye..yeah I’m okay, just a little star..startled, might ha..have a bruise or two later..,” I stutter out as I watch the exposed part of his grey face and top of his chest where it peaks out of his slightly unbuttoned shirt flush a dark green, his forest green eyes wide through the silver mask. We were so close I could make out the flecks of gold and brown in each one, our hands not moving from their places as we sit frozen in place, I see his eyes seemingly flick down to my lips and it looked as if he was contemplating something when we heard the concerned shout from Harlow and Primo. I scramble off of Mountain as the shouts got closer and rush towards them with a slight limp that I chose to ignore, too embarressed to turn to check if the tall ghoul was following, “Over here!”, I call as I reach Harlow. She just about throws herself at me, I grunt in pain at the sudden added weight to my injured leg, the ginger girl pulls back from the hug, holding onto my shoulders, “What happened, we heard you scream?!”, Primo had caught up by now, “I was trying to pull a prank on Mountain by dropping apples on his head but I lost my balance and fell, he caught me but I think I landed wrong on my leg but I didn’t feel it until I got up.” I say, skipping over the moment that was held between me and the Earth Ghoul just moments before. “That is surprising that you fell little one, you are are our resident squirrel,” Primo teased as a way to help me feel better, “Never thought I would live to see the day you managed to fall, always scurrying along those branches like you belong in them.” I let out a small laugh, “Neither did I, but I guess I just chose the wrong branch today.” I wince after finishing the sentence as I accidentally leaned on my injured leg, “Harlow you go check on Mountain, I will take our injured squirrel to the infirmary to ensure nothing to broken.” Harlow clearly could tell I was tense and embarrassed about something and wanted to be the one to take me but simply nodded, knowing that there is no use arguing with the eldest Emeritus brother, and took off towards where Mountain was still sitting. “Now my dear, lets get you checked up and some food into you, I know you and Sister Harlow came out without eating again.” Primo offered his arm to me as we made our way to the church, slightly slower than usual due to my injured leg. But as we made our way to the church, I couldn’t help but be slightly sadden by the fact that Mountain would be taken care of by the one who he clearly had feelings for.

Timeskip

I had left the infirmary after they checked me out, I had a sprained ankle due to how I fell on my leg. All they could do for me is tell me is take the day off tomorrow and ice my ankle tonight, and, of course, be more careful when climbing next time since they knew I wouldn’t stop climbing. They had called Swiss to help me back to my room and to make sure I didn’t try to go back out and stubbornly keep trying to help in the garden since I had a tendancy to push myself to make sure I help Primo as much as possible and assist in keeping the gardens in the best shape possible, even if it went against me. We were currently in his room since it was closest to the medical wing, he had grabbed a bag of ice from the nurse to place on my leg after I layed down on his bed, we were curled up together watching South Park, Swiss’ mask being long discarded on his desk. We had started it one night when we were high as kites with Mountain and Dew for shits and giggles, but we deicded it was now our show to just throw on whenever we were hanging out because we could ignore it or watch it, but we always made sure to yell out, “You killed Kenny, You bastards!”, in time with Stan and Kyle, even if it interrupted conversation even to the annoyance or confusion of others in the room. I was lazily playing with Swiss’ claws and fingers, knowing not to mess with his tail which was wrapped around my waist contently flicking every so often, and staring at the screen as he scrolled through some random social media site with his free hand. “Swiss..”, all I get is a half minded hum of acknowledgement, “Am I stupid for liking him?”, I mumble, looking away from the screen and blinking my eyes to discourage the tears that want to fall. We had spotted Harlow and Mountain hugging in the hallway as we were making our way to the ghoul dorms, “Thank you for making sure I was okay, I’ll be fine nothings broken.”, was all I had heard before Swiss pulled me away, knowing I would be upset. This is part of the reason he had turned on the stupid adult cartoon, as it had slowly become a comfort show for us that we watched whenever one of us had a bad day and just wanted to spend time with each other, sometimes with addition of the other ghouls, mostly Dew, Harlow, and Sunshine and sometimes Mount or Rain since they didn’t care much for the show but enjoyed it enough that they’ll watch it with us in a ghoul pile, Aether and the other two Ghoulettes prefer to not watch it and usually request for a different show whenever they join. “Oh sweetheart no, he’s the idiot for not realizing the best person he could ever have is pining for him like a schoolgirl,” Swiss teases me while trying to comfort me, I laugh weakly and half-heartedly slap his chest, “I do not pine for him you ass!”, “Yeah yeah, says the one who stares longingly after him like a puppy and always jumps for the chance to have a smoke sesh if I suggest inviting him.” he retorts, grabbing my hand to defend himself from any more attacks before tilting my chin up, so I am looking him in the eye, “But seriously, he’s the dumbass here. I love Harlow to death, but you are the most beautiful, caring, selfless, stubborn, smartest…what’s another nice thing,” he pauses for a moment to think before looking at me with the most sincere look I have ever seen him give me, “(Y/N), Your the closest thing to a fallen angel in this Abbey, anyone would be lucky to have you. Hell I’d snatch yo-”, he was cut off by a sudden knock at the door, “Who is it?”, he calls, “It’s me”, I tense at Mountains voice, he almost sounds…sad? ‘Why would he be sad?’, I wonder to myself as Swiss gets up and opens the door, I try to make myself as small as possible as to not be noticed by the lanky ghoul who was talking to Swiss. They talk for a mintue before Swiss bids him goodbye and shuts the door, turning around revealing my combat boots, ‘Fuck I had left them in my hurry to get away, I should’ve grabbed instead of making him bring them to me..’, I’m quickly knocked out of thought when Swiss jumps back on the bed, “He said that you forgot your boots after you fell, apparently he cleaned them for you since they got covered in leaves and looked like you had walked through mud this morning.” he says, handing the now shiny, almost new looking boots to me as my eyes widen noticing a small squirrel embroidery on the side of each boot, not big enough to be noticeable but also simple enough that I could clean the boots without worrying about ruining it. I haven’t felt the need to polish them in awhile cause of how often I wear them in the gardens since they are so comfortable and have a steel toe, which helps when I drop sharp tools and heavy rocks onto my feet when I’m working in the flower garden, why did he do that? “Earth to (Y/N), you there space cadet?”, Swiss is waving his hand in front of my face, I glance up to him, “I’m sorry, was just thinking about how their just going to get dirty as soon as I’m back in the garden, he didn’t have to do that.” I babble out nervously, Swiss just rolls his eyes as a grin spreads across his face, “So Sweetness, you staying here for tonight or do you wanna go back to your room?”, he questions as he lies out across my lap, not unlike a cat who clearly doesn’t want the person to move, I chuckle and brush the curls that had fallen onto his forehead back as I contemplate,”Hmmm so my choices are either go back to my cold, boring dorm with a tiny bathroom or stay here with a my warm best friend who clearly doesn’t want me to leave and has a much bigger, nicer bathroom? I wonder what my choice shall be.” I mockingly tap my chin in fake thought before I sprawl backwards and make myself comfortable as I set the boots on the floor next to the bed and text Harlow to get her ass to Swiss room to get the tea. Just because Mountain loves her and not me doesn’t mean she’s not one of my best friends, I wanna fill her in about what happened in case Mountain didn’t, which of course he didn’t why would he, and to see what happened when she helped him.

Mountains POV:

Harlow had helped me back inside after (Y/N) had ran off, ‘I am such a fucking idiot, what was I thinking.” I say to myself as I walk back to my room after Harlow gave me a hug as I thanked her for checking on me, going into my bathroom once I closed my door and removed the silver mask from my head. Plopping the forgotten boots in the shower before hosing off the caked on mud and polishing up the boots as a peace offering, hoping that this would possibly help the awkwardness of what happened today, a slight peace-offering if you will. I know that they are in Swiss’ room since I heard South Park playing as I was walking past the multi-ghouls door and heard them do the iconic Kenny death sayings, chuckling softly to myself as I usually do whenever I catch them doing that, even if it makes the my heart twinge a bit at the thought that they are growing closer. I made my way over the Swiss’ room once he finished his project, the squirrel had been an after thought but thought that (Y/N) would enjoy it as it had become their unofficial nickname, Aether had even teased that if (Y/N) was a Ghoul that it would be their name. But before I went to knock, I heard Swiss talking to (Y/N), feeling a tad nosy for once I listen in, “You are the most beautiful, caring, selfless, stubborn, smartest…what’s another nice thing,” there is a slight pause and I hold my breath with a sinking feeling in my gut to what I expect him to say, “(Y/N), Your the closest thing to a fallen angel in this Abbey, anyone would be lucky to have you. Hell I’d snatch yo-”, unable to continue listening I quickly knock on the door, clutching the boots in my shaking hands as I hear them stop and Swiss call, “Who is it?”, “It’s me..”, I can hear some shuffling which I’m sure is Swiss getting off the bed and traversing the mess of his room, South Park still droning in the background as he opens the door with a surprised look, I hold out the boots, mumbling, “(Y/N) left these in the orchard today after they fell, I noticed they were dirty and thought I’d clean the boots for them so they wouldn’t have worry about it with their leg messed up..”, Swiss smiles up at me, “Thanks man, I’m sure they’ll appreciate the gesture. They told me everything that happened, I know Harlow checked you but you good?” he questions with a slight grin, knowing I have feelings for (Y/N) which I flush at the underlying question he is hinting at, “Ye..yeah! I’m fine, no..nothing happened. I’m sure (Y/N) told you how I stared at them and creeped them out,” I laugh nervously, “Dude you need to grow some even bigger balls, if thats possible, and tell them, they are fucking in love with you dumbass.” He playfully punches my arm as I flush even brighter, I glance over his head and see (Y/N) curled up in his bed and while they look comfy, they smell..nervous? I quickly look back to Swiss to see nonchalant but thinking, ‘Why would they be nervous, probably cause I interrupted the love confession she has been waiting for, I don’t know what Swiss means it’s so obvious they love him, why the hell would they like a 8 foot freak..’, I quickly lock away that intrusive thought before I can spiral, I don’t need that right now, I focus back as Swiss is saying bye. To which I reply and walk the few feet down the hall to my room before I shut myself inside it, leaning against the door with a sigh as I rub down my face. I turn on the small tv and flip to a random music channel to listen to while I read and decompress for the rest of the night, if I spend anymore time thinking about this I will just spiral and that is never good.

Timeskip: 2 days later (Friday)

Harlows POV:

Okay I’m officially tired of these two being so god damn oblivious, I text Swiss to meet me in the library after I finished a second awkward day in the gardens with Mountain and (Y/N), they would nervously laugh and try to talk before either leaving awkward silence or turning to me for my input. “Swissy we need to get these two dumbasses together before we die from an overdose of Pining from both sides, (Y/N) keeps talking about what they think I think Mountain was thinking when they almost kissed 2 days ago, or the Squirrel he embroidered into their boots, which by the way is so adorable!” I rant to the smilely ghoul who groans in agreement, earning a hush from the librarian who he gives a sheepish smile of apology before turning back to me, “Your telling me, Mount has been either locked in his listening to he insisted is not angsty folks music about past loves and other sappy shit or he’s in the common room sighing and talking about how he’s an idiot for what happened after I got him to crack and tell me what happened, which of course I already knew from (Y/N)!”, he finished his rant with a dramatic face rub that pulls the bottoms of his eyes down slightly revel the whites of his glamored eyes, the normally black sclara hidden behind the glamore, the head librarian didn’t care if the ghouls had their masks on or not since she has been amongst the clergy for so many years, even longer than Imperator, seeing so many ghouls faces throughout the years that she doesn’t care and says that “Everyone has the right to be comfortable when reading and researching,” and Seestor knows better than to arguement wiht the old woman, so she just had a sign that warned siblings that they could possibly see unmasked ghouls so tread lightly be put outside the library. “I say the only way to make them believe what we have been telling them is to force it to happen,” I say as I think of a plan, “I heavily doubt we could get either to actually confess to the other, they refuse to believe the other likes them. Mount is convinced (Y/N) likes me and (Y/N) thinks Mount likes you!”, Swiss exclaims, earning another hush from the librarian, giving him the ‘I’m watching you’ look as he gives another sheepish apologetic smile before trying to think of a way to achieve their goal. “I know, I have an idea but I don’t know if it would work,” I say after a few minutes of thinking, “Well spit it out woman?”, Swiss says leaning forward excitedly, “Well what if we threw a party and forced the two in a closet for seven minutes in heaven? I’ve seen it work in movies and in fanfics I’ve read, it’s dumb but it could work!” I suggest, “I’m not sure but it could be worth a sho-, OW”, Swiss is cut off from his agreement by the head librarian smacking him on the head with a thick book, “You two are terrible at matchmaking, I have seen those two, the Giant Earth ghoul and the little gremlin who is always climbing my shelves to reach the books they can’t reach even though I have told them a thousand times to use the step stools and ladders,” she rolls her eyes, “If I can tell anything about them from what they’ve checked out and my experience as a mother and grandmother, they would absolutely not “confess” to each other in whatever enclosed space you shove them, they would sit there awkwardly till it was done.”, Her russian accent acentuating shame filled stare at how they expected their two awkward friends to suddenly profess their love like their in some fanfiction written by a whatever-teen year old on the internet at 3am, in a closet during a party of all places. “You said that they each think the other likes one of you right? What me and a friend did in our younger days to have a little drama and fun, was get details about the person one of us like and see if they liked us back, if they did then we had the other “confess”, she makes quotation marks with her fingers for the word confess, “to the person while the other was around the corner, then whenever the person would, usually of course unless they were a prick and just wanted a hook-up, apologize and say they actually had feelings for the one who was waiting around the corner, we’d come out with a big todo about if they really mean it and botabing, ya gotcha man.” She finished her story was a small smirk at the memories, “You two need to decide between the two of you whose gonna be the “confessor”,”she makes the quotation marks again, “And whose going to bring the other person to listen, of course you gotta make it seem believable so set up a place where you would easily hide and can hear, I’d suggest the courtyard at around 10pm, as theres a lot of shadows to hide in and not many siblings muddling about, and it is also quite beautiful at night, perfect for love confessions. That is if you wanna take the advice of an old lady.” She finishes with a wink and smirk as she goes to return to her desk but stops short, “That is if you wanna take the advice of an old lady.“ before returning to her desk as the the ghoul and girl sit with their mouths dropped comically in shock, they look at each other and back at the librarian before they begin to conspire using the head librarians advice.

Timeskip to just before 10pm

Narrators POV:

The conniving duo had perfected their plan about 2 hours after the head librarian gave her advice, they decided that Harlow would be the one to “confess” Mountain, knowing that even though it was fake, he’d be more easily convinced than (Y/N) since they would believe Swiss was just doing it as a joke or a way to make them feel better. Harlow have a note to Mountain saying to meet her in the courtyard at 10pm, knowing the ghouls punctuality was only rivaled by Papa Primo and Copia, while Swiss would get (Y/N) to follow him saying they were gonna snag snacks from the kitchen and have a small party in his room with just the two of them to make them feel better after a shitty week, the shortcut to which just so happens conviently cross through the courtyard, they would hopefully get there right as Harlow is finishing her fake confession so (Y/N) would hear Mountain say he actually loved them. Harlow had just texted Swiss that she was in the courtyard and she could hear what she believed to be Mountain coming so they should start coming. But they couldn’t plan forwhat happened next.

Readers POV:

Swiss had texted me earlier to come to his room around 9:45 because he had surprise for me, I had finished my chores earlier than normal since Primo, even when I insisted that my leg did indeed feel better and was no longer hurting me, didn’t have me working on as much stuff as I typically did. He insists that I have been working so hard and I deserve a little break to ensure I don’t irritate my ankle, I guess the old Papa was scared by what happened more than he let on. Today, I was instructed to simply tend to the small flower beds; weeding, water, adding fertilizer, and the like. Then making sure the greenhouse plants, including the sick ones Primo and Mountain healed for the people of the Abbey, had enough water and if they seemed well enough to call the number on the small piece of paper attached to their respected pot and ensure the owner was returned their greenery. It was simple work that didn’t involve much heavy lifting other than the bags of fertizlier but Mountain always seemed to appear right as I was about to move the heavy bags of plant food and insisted to help, hauling the bag wherever I directed, sometimes to try and ease the awkwardness that had grown from the incident, I would jokingly fully instruct him how to hold, carry, and set down the bag, I once led him basically all the way around the garden before looping back to the bed of Tulips and Dragonsnaps near the greenhouse we started. To which the large earth ghoul playfully growled and chased me until he easily grabbed me, flipped his mask off his face, and proceeded to rub his sweaty face on my shoulders and face as I giggled and pushed his face away by his horns until he relented. It felt like everything had gone back to normal. Even though I still had strong feelings for him, I had accepted that he loved Harlow and I appreciated our friendship and would take what I was given, no matter if it hurt. I texted Swiss back a thumbs up to acknowledge that I’d seen his text and checked the time, it was about 6:30, so I had time to run back to my dorm. Once I had reached my door and gotten inside, I decided to take a quick shower to wash the sweat that belonged to both me and Mountain off myself and change my clothes, taking my time in the shower, I had put my phone on charge and connected it to the small waterproof speaker I kept in my shower so I could listen to music, using my fancy body wash, the one I use when I feel like pampering myself because it smelled amazing and was kinda pricy, before washing my hair and falling into my urge to shave, I usually don’t care about body hair but I also love the feeling of smooth legs. By the time I finished my shower it was around 8, I guess I really took my time, I decided to wear some comfy black shorts and a oversized t-shirt I had gotten from Aether the last time we had a impromptu sleepover in his room with Swiss and Dew after a night of drinking, the Quintessence ghoul had offered one of his shirts after Dew had stolen mine in a game of strip poker and was drunkenly cuddling and refused to give it back because he apparently “missed me and my scent is comforting”, I can’t say no to the whiny fire ghoul especially when he says such adorable things so he still has possession over my shirt, though I suspect it will be returned to me within the next few days when my smell has finally been replaced with the fire ghouls. I comb through my wet hair, leaving it smooth, before blow drying as I hate the feeling of wet hair on my face and neck, once it was dry I just brushed it back and looked at myself in the mirror, gazing over my (color) (length) hair, (color) eyes, and (skintone) skin, unconsciously comparing myself to Harlow. Her long silky red hair is something that has caught the eye of many clergy members, her fox-like brown eyes that always held a hint of mischief, and her pale, ivory skin that shines like sunlight on snow, though she used to have horrible acne back in high school when we originally met. She was always the one boys and girls alike went after, I was the one they would sometimes use to get to her, always asking if she was single or what her number is. Always the friend left ignored by others no matter how much Harlow tried to include me, ignoring people as they attempted to woo her but refused to tolerate them ignoring or using her best friend. That is the reason I love her but I still feel so plain and boring next to her, she is like a goddess among men. ‘No wonder Mountain fell for her’, I sigh as I check my phone, “Shit!”, in my self-loathing time seemed have sped by and it is 9:30, it only takes about 5 minutes to get to Swiss’ and he won’t care if I’m late, but he seemed kinda adamant that I be there by 9:45, so I slip some socks and slides so I don’t have to walk on the cold wood that covered the abbey floor and cause I have no clue what Swiss has planned, knowing him a surprise could be anything from a him giving me a Magic Mike esc lap dance because I was sad someone said something rude to me, to him having seemingly raided a liquor store of its entire stock and is throwing a ghoul party, or as simple as just he had grabbed some cool snacks on tour that he wanted to try with me. Though the best surprise so far had been when he had somehow tied down Dew and coaxed him into being our good boy for a night, I am no virgin, but of the ghouls I’ve slept with only Swiss, Rain, and Dew, the last two started cause of my involvement in calming Dew but every so often Rain will come knocking on my door asking for help with his heat and that leads to either one of two Rains, Top Rain who doesn’t stop until your crying and legitmently can’t cum anymore or Soft, Bottom Rain who cries for Mommy to use him and break him, both of which are always fun. Okay (Y/N), lets not get horny. I make it to Swiss’ door by 9:42 and knock on his door, I hear him curse and fall over something before he finally opens the door, shirtless and chest heaving as he ushers me inside. I take in his appearance, black joggers with blue socks that are covered in little smiling suns, obviously a gift from the sunny ghoulette down the hall. “You good man? You look like you just saw your mom naked or something,” I laugh at Swiss’ frazzled state as he is searching for a shirt, I eye a red muscle tee that he frequently wears during the summer months on weekends when we go to the beach or lake or sometimes just lounging in the ghoul den. I grab it and give a quick sniff test as you can never know with Swiss, I have to help organize his room again since it’s been a few months since the last deep clean we did, “Swissy here,”, is the only warning he gets before the red tee is launched at him and promptly gets stuck on his horns. I laugh even harder as he grabs it off and flips me the bird as he pulls it, “Now, you told me to be here at 9:45, what’s the surpise?”, I ask as he checks his phone after it went off, “Who is it?”,”Jus Dew telling me that him and Aeth managed to convince that brother whose been flirting with Aeth for the last week to a threesome,” (Slight narrator check in: This isn’t a lie, Dew did actually text him this earlier but the text he just checked was actually from Harlow. That is all, keep reading whores <3), “Cool, he’s cute but he ain’t gonna be walking for the next few days,” I laugh, “Now the surprise dumbass,”, “Oh yeah, we’re doing a sleepover and raiding the kitchen for snacks before doing an all night movie marathon and possibly finishing South Park for the 2nd time if you want. Now move it Squirrel, move that tail!” He says as he just about drags me down the hall, using the shortcut we’ve used for years at this point. As we neared the court yard to sneak into the hallway that leads to the back entrence of the kitchens I start hearing voices, as we get closer I recognize it to be Harlows but I can’t exactly understand what she’s saying yet till suddenly Swiss pulls me close to him, pushing his finger to his mouth to signal to be quiet, I nod and we peek around the corner, this is when my heart drops cold to my stomach. Harlow is….confessing her love to Mountain. I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I choke out a sob, trying hard to be silent but it’s clear Mountain heard it as his head perks up from where it looked like he was adamantly watching Harlow. I can’t stand to continue hearing this and I don’t care if they hear me, I allow the tears to flow and sobs erupt from my throat. Swiss is panicking, trying to shush me and hug me but I push away from him, trying to run when I suddenly hear Mountains voice, “(Y/N)?...”, I freeze and see that Harlow and Mountain had moved slightly and can clearly see us, I break out of Swiss’ hold and run. I don’t know where, but I have to get away from this. I thought I could handle this but turns out I can’t. I slowly stop running after what feels like hours but in reality was only a few minutes, I’m in the garden. The moon is shining down on me as tears continue to fall down my cheeks, I make my face through the flower garden to the large Oak tree that I always love to climb up and sit in on my days off and weekends, reading by myself with earbuds playing music or talking with the ghouls and Harlow as we just laze around for the day in the warm sun surronded by flowers and nature. I climb to my favorite spot, a little nook of two branches the split off just from the trunk that form a perfect little nest almost, where I then sit curled in on myself and let the tears flow. ‘I never thought it would actually happen…but I guess this is what is going to be the normal, I’ll apologize tomorrow and congradulate them. Their perfect for each other..’

Mountains POV

Harlow had asked me to meet her in the courtyard at 10 tonight, I wonder why. We’re friends but she’s never singled me out personally like this other than asking for help in the gardens or sometimes in the library if we’re in there at the same time to reach books on the top shelves. Life had just seemed to get back to normal too, (Y/N) and I had joked around like we usually do, they forced me around damn near entire flower portion of the garden till they revealed the spot the fertilzer was going was right next to where we started, those bags aren’t too heavy but their awkward, especially because they had insisted that I had to carry it like a toddler? As soon as they brought us back to where we started and said, “Oh actually it was right here all along,”,with a shit-eating grin, I dropped the fertilizer with a playful growl and they immediately took off. I let them get a little ahead before I followed, almost immediatly catching them due to my much longer legs and decided their deserved punishment was me rubbing the sweat that had collected on my face under my mask from carryinf the heavy bag so far all over their face and shoulders as they pushed me away giggling, hands on my unglamored large, ram-like horns as a grip. It felt normal and I thought everything was going to become like it was, I don’t care if Swiss askes them out or at least I don’t think I do? I had been in the middle of thinking about this when Harlow had come up to me and handed me a note before scurrying away, I opened the note with a raised brow of confusion but figured maybe it was just something about (Y/N)? I know she’s heard me talking with Swiss about (Y/N) and I figure maybe she knows something is going on between them and wants me to know so I don’t have to see it without warning. What I certainly didn’t expect was her to…confess her love for me? It was weird and I was standing there awkwardly waiting for her to finish when I heard quiet footsteps approaching, I assumed it was probably siblings or possibly Dew sneaking to the kitchen and were about to hear a rejection when I suddenly heard a sob, a sob that very much so sounded like (Y/N). Harlow had heard it too and we peeked around the corner, I see Swiss trying to seemingly comfort a crying (Y/N) who was squirming in his grasp, “(Y/N)?..”, but before I could say anything they broke free and were running away. I was about to go after them when Harlow stopped me with a hand on my wrist, “I’m so sorry big guy, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go.”, this both intrigued me and infuriated me, why was she stopping me from trying to go after (Y/N). “Mount before you go after them we just want you to know that what Harlow was saying wasn’t true, the head librarian gave us an idea of how to show you two that we were telling the truth and you truly loved one another, but all what was supposed to happen was we get here right as Harlow finished and you’d of course tell her sorry but you love (Y/N) blah blah blah, happy couple, we’re the bestest friends ever, The End. I am so sorry buddy, go show them the truth.”, what Swiss didn’t think I’d notice is the smell of sadness and slightly jealously coming off of him, but we’d deal with that later. (Y/N) is my priority now. I take after the way they ran, following their scent to the gardens, towards the tree that they always love.

Readers POV:

I have no clue how long I have been here, just letting myself cry when all of a sudden I hear rapid footsteps approaching. I quickly try to silence my tears as they get closer, it’s Mountain? Why is he here? Shouldn’t he be with Harlow, I mean she just confessed to him shouldn’t they be celebrating, I expected Swiss to come after me but not Mount. He’s looking around, looks like he’s trying to catch my scent again. I know how powerful those ghoul noses are, their better than bloodhounds if Dew’s ability to sniff out whenever someone’s horny and where Cirrus tries to hide the takis whenever she buys them for herself has proven anything. I knew he’d find me eventually, probably knows where I am now and is either letting me have a chance to come out myself or give me a moment to calm down. But he looks more…frantic, almost scared for someone who has just gotten in a relationship, he eventually stops in front of my tree, “(Y/N)? I know your up there, can you please come down so we can talk,”, he sounds..desperate. “Ye..yeah gimme a minute,” I sniffle as I slowly lower myself to the ground but before I could even reach the grass I am pulled into a tight hug by the Earth ghoul, his head tucked into my neck as he mumbles out apology after apology, begging for my forgiveness for not believing Swiss and Harlow, for letting his self-doubt keep him from seeing the truth. All I can do is hug him back in shock, ‘What the hell is he on about, Harlow just confessed to him that she loved him, isn’t that what he wanted?’, “Mount? Mounty, hey calm down. Why are you sorry?”, I ask as I quietly shush him now apologetic babbling, “I heard Harlow, I thought you loved her? Why are you here?”, I question as the tall ghoul lifting his head from where he had been almost seemingly trying to bury himself, kneeling so he could be closer to eye level with me as I hold his shoulders, not realizing the tears I had been shedding were still slowly dripping down my cheeks, “You sho..should be with her right now, not me…’, I choke out, not looking him in the face as the new group of tears fall down my cheeks, I go to try to coax him into believing I was fine and to return to his new partner but all words die in my throat as I feel his thumbs gently wipe the wetness from under my eyes as he took a shuddering but deep breath, seeming to be trying to steady himself and choose his words, “I don’t love Harlow…her and Swiss had teamed up to try and get me to confess to who I truly loved by having her fake confess to me cause they knew I’d tell the truth of who I love while Swiss brought you to listen…they apparently didn’t think that hearing the one you love being confessed to would make you react like this.” he finished and took another deep breath as he cupped my face as he continued to brush the tears away, a soft smile on his face,”Even while crying your still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” I freeze in his grip, my eyes meeting his for the first time since the incident two days ago, those vibrant forest green eyes, the soft light of the moon and lights that lines the pathway of the garden lighting up the flecks of pure gold and caramel brown in them even more so than before, but this time they have tears in the corners of them. “Wh..Wha-”, I’m cut off by the earth ghoul in front of me, “(Y/N) I don’t love Harlow, I love you. Swiss and Harlow have been telling me for the two years that if I just told you the truth, that you’d accept me. That you returned the feelings, I refused to believe them because I saw how you were with Swiss, you two got close so fast and easily, you seemed to connect so much more, he was the one you mainly turned to for comfort after a bad day, you two have sleepovers all the time, he’d invite me over because he knew I liked you but I was convinced that you would never possibly look at me as anything more than a friend. I’m an 8 foot tall ghoul who doesn’t like to talk to people outside of my pack, you, Harlow, and the Papas, my favorite pass times are reading about music, plants, and animals, being outside, and playing drums. I’m quiet and awkward and boring. Who I am to compare to everything Swiss is, charismatic, funny, the life of the party, always knows what to say, and is overall a much safer than me. I’m so much bigger and stronger than you, that I am always scared I will unintentionally hurt you when I touch you. But none of changes the fact that I love you.” He finishes his rant, face flushed and eyes full of fear of my reaction to his words as the tears he was holding finally fall, “Mou..Mount I..,” I stutter trying to find the words to even begin to compare to the speech he just gave me, but I ground myself with a deep, shuttering breath, “Mountain I can’t even begin to compare to what you just said. That is the most heartfelt thing anyone has ever said to me, but I’d like to revise a little of what you said,” I slowly start as I mirror his actions from before of cupping his face but instead, gently kiss the tears falling from his eyes, he leans heavily into the touch as his forehead leans against mine for a moment before I pull back to continue, “You are not just an 8 foot tall Earth ghoul and your not boring, far from it in fact. We have had some of the deepest discussions I’ve ever had from a conversation that started as drums as cool, how long have you been playing that turned into how the drums are the key part of any band and how the entire concept of bands probably wouldn’t exist if drums hadn’t been invented, not to mention how your eyes light up when you talk about plants and their different qualities, hell you’ve fucking made the most amazing teas and best weed I have ever tasted just with a few samples of different plants and mixing blends together. You are easily one of the most caring ghouls I know, outside of Aether and Rain who are equally tied, you are always there for your pack, me, the papas, and Harlow whenever we need you, be it we’re sick or just need an ear to listen or someone who can reach the top shelf because someone thought it was funny to put all of the coffee mugs on top of the fridge, doesn’t matter what it was you were there. You are also funny as hell and have the comedic timing of a god, I’ve never laughed harder than when Copia slipped and fell off the fake stage during practise one day and after a solid couple seconds of pure silence, you did that stupid drum thing. I swear Dew and Cumulus peed themselves from laughter,” I take a couple seconds to stop the laughter than followed the memory even as Mount chuckled too, “I’m also gonna knock that stupid thought that you’ll hurt me straight out of your head, yes your a lot taller than me and I know very much so that ghouls are much stronger than humans, believe me I’ve fallen into bed with Dew and Rain enough to realize just how much strength ghouls have,” there is a quiet growl that emanates from deep in his chest at the mention of my sexual encounters with his pack members, “let’s just say I’m into that shit and leave it at that for now, that’s a conversation for another time. What I mean with everything I’ve just said, is I love you too. And now that we both know this, what d-”, I’m cut off as Mountain leans forward and presses his lips to mine, his hands cupping the back of my head and wrap around my waist as mine slide into his thick, wavy brown hair. It desperate with a hint of need and so much love I feel like I’m going to explode. Even while kneeling he is equal if not slightly taller than me in height but this is comfortable, his tongue slides teasingly across my lower lip and I open willingly for him, letting the wet muscles fight for dominance that for now I allow him to win as he tastes every corner of my mouth he can. His fingers threading into my hair and his grip on my waist tightens as he slowly leans back and sits down, tugging me into his lap and we return to the position that caused this mess in the first place. Once we finally seperate, he tucks his face into my neck, chest vibrating with a deep purr of contentment when I hear Swiss and Harlow finally coming to find us. The purr quickly switching to a low growl of warning as Swiss approaches, I run my fingers through his hair and down his neck, drawing a shiver from the taller male, “Relax he’s not gonna take me away,” I whisper to him, pressing a kiss to his forehead before turning to look at them, “Well…I guess you guys were right..” I give a nervous laugh as the now obviously territorial, and if what I’m guessing is poking me is correct, turn on ghoul below lets out a slightly louder growl even as Swiss holds up his hands in surrender with a sheepish grin and Harlow lets out a loud cackeling laugh, “I told you it would work!”, she cries between laughs even with the death glare I know my ghoul has fixed her with…my ghoul, that feels good to finally say. “You two are adorable,” Swiss teases as he takes a picture, “Send me that!”, I demand before I yelp as Mountain suddenly stands, his hand moving to under my thigh and he secures me against him with the arm around my waist, “Yeah, I just finally got the person I’ve been loving for the last two years, if you knock on my door it better me an emergency or Papa absolutely needs me, even then tell him I’m unavailable.”, is all Mountain says as he begins to walk towards the ghoul dorms, Swiss is howling with laughter with Harlow but it is quickly silenced with a yelp when Mount stops for a moment to turn to them and with a flick of his wrist, Swiss is tied in ivy and moss and Harlow is knocked off her feet by a tree root that shoots out and swipes her feet. “Your mine for the rest of week little one, Papa will understand. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want too, but I am curious to know about that size kink you hinted at early,” Mountain purrs into my ear as my face turns into a tomato. I am so not walking for the next month

Masterlist | Chapter 2

[artfightdramaconfessions]

Alright, I have a confession to make & a bit of a vent into it. I purposely broke one of artfight rules that is making the drawings before the event started, I know I will get a lot of hate form just saying that. But the reason why? So I can help the team get a little bit of a head start. & Hopefully that will help them to win later on, I'm just so sick and tired of losing. I feel like I just wasted a whole month of work just hoping my team will win, but I let myself down disappointed & very infuriating, I spend all this time for nothing really. I somewhat risk my hand just to draw & drawing more only to lose. Furthermore, I get it's supposed to be fun, I get that, but I feel like it's a competitive game of it, It's just a chore just to draw other people's OC's & knowing you will not win. When steampunk vs cyberpunk one, I felt like it was my fault for making my team lose & not drawing enough & was not good enough. I bashed myself with horrible words to make me feel bad & should be ashamed of myself. I hate that feeling, I want to have fun. Not hating myself for this. So when Withered VS bloom was on, I purposely cheated & Again in Vampires vs werewolves. But lose AGAIN. How so much fun just to lose again & again, It generally made me feel insecure about it. & all my artwork. I hate that feeling, I just want to have fun & not worry about it & I hate being so fucking competitive, I probs going to get a lot of hate from this but just want to get my own thoughts out and hopefully. I'm not too sure if I will join next year. But time will tell.

And another thing I like to add on, Just a bonus thingy.

Seeing so many people like popular YouTubers or artist get their character draw and getting attack like 20 - 50 times a day from other people made me wish I had that, instead of me waiting only to get attack once per day. I became jealous & Evny it of their fame & attention, I want that pride & joy. I want everyone to love me. I wish I had that, And I wish every day & one day to get famous. It's that desperation I want so badly in my life. But sadly I feel even more insecure about my artwork, & looking at their artwork I'm just starting to hating them seeing them getting success & I want them to fail. But at the same time, I want them to see them getting success. I'm not sure why I feel that way, I really don't know. I want people to love my OC's & stories but seems that nobody really gives two shits about it sadly. I just want that feeling of being constantly being attack & getting so many attacks that may seem so overwhelming to a lot of people, But for me. I'm up for that shit. That's where I see artfight fun in my eyes, being attack so much & fighting back is where the fun should be, Only getting one attack PER day is so boring that I rather work on something else & that shit sucks.

Alright. Now that's done, And I feel better just letting it all out, I like to know your thoughts on it. Thank you. I would not be surprise if I get hate on this. I want to be the most honest in here as I can, It may hurt some people here but, It's better being the most honest then being a shitty liar. I hate liars.

.

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Everyone here loves competition, I'm sure. Why else would we be here? But I doubt any of you love it more than me. I've been through 15 competitions this year alone.  The thrill of pitting yourself against another, the triumph of doing well and the pride of receiving your reward in front of the whole school. It was exhilarating, heady, and addictive. And I was happy, for a while.

Then I started yearning for more. To get more than just participation, more than just honorable mention. I did good, but I wanted to better. 

So I signed up for more competitions. I went for anything the school offered. Every competition dangled in front of me, every little opportunity to show off.

But somewhere along the way, my competitions stopped being about showing off and started being about proving my worth. Pride turned to insecurity and joy turned to anxiety and self-hate. Silver? How dare I not get gold! I was furious. I felt like a letdown. I won an entire competition, and I felt nothing but frustration at being near the upper end of the age limit. In my anger and hurt, I took to... More competitions. Anything to prove I was really, truly perfect.

That was a mistake. The parasite of perfection had glutted itself on my not-quite-wins, and it was not enough anymore. It was never enough. And now a bronze was worthless, and made me worthless. A silver was dissatisfactory. I had to get a gold, in everything and against all odds. In retrospect, it was getting ridiculous. Unattainable. But I had the bit of victory between my teeth, and I simply could not let go. 

But all highs must become lows, and my high tower of obsession and desperation came crashing down eventually. 

You see, my life had become a competition, and my happiness the grand prize. Or so it seemed to be at least. But that was just a lie. I would never be happy. Not with a silver, not with a gold, not even with all the golds in the world. I was not perfect, and I would never be the best in everything. Trying to convince myself otherwise was an exercise in futility. So I hit the brakes. Decided enough was enough. I was done with crying over being less than perfect. I had done enough. I had done well.

I will be frank here. Acceptance is hard. It feels like giving up, surrendering yourself to a life of mediocrity. It feels wrong, weak and cowardly. But every time I cursed myself for being a gutless wimp, I remember the alternative. I remember the insatiable greed of the parasite, feasting on my hopes and dreams. I remember that this is not giving up.

 It is saving myself before it becomes too late.

I didn't change immediately. I sulked over every 3rd and 2nd in class I got. I grouched over every trivial error I made. But the anguished agony of imperfection faded to a disgruntled ache with time, and I found myself, if not accepting my imperfections, then at least tolerating them. Maybe someday, I will get a silver in something and feel nothing but triumph. Because then I will truly have understood:

I am not perfect, and I am not the best, but I am good enough.

[defilerwyrm]

Hello, thanks so much for your last post! I hope this isn't insensitive, but I'd be really interested to know: What helped you get out of right wing ideology? Do you have any advice for helping people out? Thanks!

It was a combination of things over time.

This turned out to be pretty long so I’m gonna put it under a cut. CW for discussions of various forms of right-wing bigotry within.

a) In the midst of a LiveJournal slapfight, I said something that I absolutely in no way meant or even conceived as being misogynistic, but was clearly taken as such, and was chewed out for it. I went “Tap the brakes, what are you talking about?!” and the gal I was arguing with was kind enough (not nice, but kind) to lay it out for me. And I listened. That started me thinking.

b) I realized that the far right that I vaunted literally wants people like me (queer and disabled) dead. I spent a long time in denial about this, thinking I would be an exception somehow.

c) I dug more into the true nature of white pride groups and discovered that, far from an honorable community of people who are simply proud of their heritage, groups like the Aryan Brotherhood are actually murderous, hyperviolent gangs—in some cases, literal prison gangs—of drug dealers, domestic abusers, and straight-up racists, and I couldn’t reconcile that with my notions of honorable behavior.

d) I actually read Mein Kampf. At first it was mostly curiosity and a way to keep people from talking to me in public. Book 1 (the first half) you can kinda see where he’s coming from, wanting a strong, self-sustaining domestic economy, not relying overly on imports, etc; but Book 2 is where he goes completely off the fucking rails, just utterly batshit, and you can tell it’s coming not from a place of “I want to rebuild my homeland after we were devastated by the aftermath of WWI and the Great Depression” but rather “I have a raging hateboner for this specific group of people who had fuck-all to do with that devastation and will make up just the wildest shit to justify and proselytize that hate.” I didn’t have any strong opinions on Jewish folk then so it really whipped my head back. It’s one thing to learn, in the vague terms that my Texas public school education provided me, about the surface facts of the Holocaust, but I don’t think I had any clue what the depths of the vitriol that led to that horror looked like until I heard it from the horse’s mouth. C and D were the big things that showed me that “white pride” isn’t about finding joy in your heritage—it’s about harboring a deep, dark, hideous hatred for others’ heritage. I did not like that.

e) An element that only in recent years occurred to me, but I think an extremely important one: I did not have a right-wing community. All I had in the way of friends & associates were fairly apolitical, mostly queer people who looked the other way when it came to my horrific personal politics. I think I knew at the time that they were unpopular views (or at least, they were in at the turn of the century) and mostly kept them to myself. As I came to accept and understand my own queerness more deeply, as I lived within the poor queer community of my hometown, as I made friends with more and more diverse groups of people, I found things within myself to be proud of, and those close to me—the very people whom the far right still want dead—welcomed me, guided me, supported me. No one on the right was there for me that way. I didn’t have a cluster of far-right friends beating their noxious values back into my head at every turn. The community I had vs the community I didn’t have made it a lot damn easier to make that heel-face turn.

With all that in mind, I think I can offer two pieces of advice:

Understand that far-right ideology is fundamentally built on anxiety and insecurity. Racists, misogynists, homophobes etc latch onto their identities as white, men, straight etc because it’s something they did not have to work for/on and cannot be removed from them, so they hold up these intrinsic traits as things that make them “superior” to others despite evidence to the contrary. Look at how many out-of-shape, mediocre white men brag that they could win a tennis match against Serena or Venus Williams. They don’t think they’re good at tennis—and they are absolutely not going to go through the years of extremely challenging work and practice and dedication required to get that good—they think they’re superior because they’re white men, even though factually either of the Williams sisters would destroy them blindfolded. The reason they go out of their way to make these ridiculous claims is because they feel insecure that someone who isn’t white and a man is better than them at something. This is also what’s behind the whole “Oh they just chose/should choose the best person for the job”—they’re saying they don’t believe someone who isn’t an abled cishet white man COULD be the best person for the job, regardless of what the job is. I don’t think the answer to this is just to point out the innumerable amazing achievements of people of color, queer folk, disabled folk, etc, because they’ll just go “yeah well MY people did xyz.” They’re feeling insecure. What they need is something about themselves to be proud of that they, personally, accomplished: being a good woodworker, or a talented speaker, or a whiz at math, some skill they have worked to foster. What they need is a sense of confidence that their worth is not dependent on what they were born with/as. For me, learning to value myself for who I am and who I can choose to be helped me stop looking down on others for what they are and did not choose to be, because I no longer needed imaginary metrics of superiority and inferiority to prop up a lack of self-worth and an iceberg’s worth of self-loathing.

Separate them from their herd. Understand that many will choose the security of the familiar over the risk of the new. But familiarity does not breed contempt—it opens eyes. A LARGE part of far-right ideology is made up of lies and assumptions and outright ignorance. Don’t just dunk them into the deep end right away, but exposure therapy is the name of the game. It’s a lot easier to think of (for example) Black people as being inferior to you when you don’t freaking know any, or to think of trans people as just a niche category of porn if you’ve never actually talked—and LISTENED—to us. Understand that right-wing social circles are vicious, internecine places where everyone is frothing at the mouth to pull someone down the instant they misstep, and they will expect the same from a left-wing circle. “Well actually” might be your friend here, rather than rubbing their nose in every fuckup or shitty thing they say. The goal is to, you know, teach them how to care about other people, and you have to model that for them. Offer other ways of looking at things instead of just “no, that’s wrong.” This can be an arduous and painful process for everyone, but if their mind can be pried open, it will be worth it in the end.

[v3nusxsky]

larissa fanfic w a trans masc reader who's feeling insecure abt their identity and larissa comforts them?

Your heart is you

*authors note~ some soft Larissa Weems is always a win*

Trigger warnings~transmasc r

Being born into the wrong body was always something that haunted you and you felt you would always feel the burden of that. Despite changing your clothing and body as much as you could you just couldn’t shake the feeling that people saw you as a fake man, nothing real enough to grant that title. All your forms had to be done as the sex you were born as not as your gender, so that made appointments hard for you to attend.

Nevermore accepted you instantly for who you are not what society thinks you should be. But that didn’t take away your dysphoria or the insecurities it caused you to feel. Larissa knew that before agreeing to be your girlfriend, and she made sure to research about how she could help you and make you feel nothing but love. To her you were her handsome lover, and your heart was her pride and joy.

Despite that, you still had bad days, days that made you want to claw the skin of your own body, feeling like your minds and body were incompatible. Almost as if you were an imposter. You managed to drag yourself from the bed and attempt to dress, but you went through multiple outfits, none fit right or perhaps were too feminine for your tastes. So much so, the outfits had thrown around the room before you collapsed to the ground and broke down.

That was how Larissa found you moments later, sobbing and clawing at your own skin. “Handsome?” She murmured hoping to help ease some of the dysphoria by your favourite pet name. “I’m sorry Ris, I’m not a real man, I hate this, this body I’m stuck in, nothing looks or feels right. I hate feeling this way!” You sobbed causing your girlfriend to come and hold you in her arms. “I know my darling. But to me you’re perfect, every bit of a man as Coach Vald” she attempted to draw a laugh from you, “but my love, you are exactly who you need to be, and I’m ever so lucky to have a guy like you as my partner. Please my darling, don’t try to hurt yourself, it’s a bad day and we can get through it together, I love you” she murmured to finish off with a sweet kiss to the crown of your head. Together you’d get through the bad day, and she reminded you every chance she had that you were her handsome fella.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

I finally came to a realisation. I understand now, why I love those innocent highschool bls, like Bad Buddy, My School President, Light on Me, this much. And I guess also every other bl. It took me some time...years...and this will be a fucking deep dive into my own mind...I am thinking about writing it down for the last couple of hours, and after a long session of listening to "Down" by Jason Walker, I thought fuck it...if not here, then where?

I'll take MSP as an example. We witness a cute, innocent first love and how it starts and growth and how it becomes something really special and wonderful. How those two communicate with each other, understand each other, help each other in their own ways. I don't care that we had to wait for the first kiss for like forever, it made it special. And this was something I never had. The boys I liked, loved to mob me. I was told I am ugly and unlovable. So good first impression here. My real first partner was 15 years older. I don't care that much about age and age gaps in general, if it is a healthy relationship, but I came to the realisation, that I was robbed of that innocent first love, because the love for him made me grow up real fast and I had to deal with stuff you don't want to deal with in a first love story. I had to live with his immense jealousy and insecurities. He was jealous of everything and young me was obendient. From today's perspective, I hate the person I became when I was with him. I didn't have the shy cuddling and the innocent hand holding like Gun and Tinn, because he wanted a grown up relationship. And I wanted my first love to be like in the movies, with flowers and sunshine. Instead I got alcohol and jealousy...a really great combination.

I never was my true self with the partners I've been with, because from the very beginning I was trained to be a chameleon, adaptable to the moods of the men in my life. Perhaps this is the reason I am still single after my last toxic relationship ended years ago. I never listened to my self, I listened to the thoughts of my partners and how I have to behave; infront of them and infront of others (especially other men). I felt small and at some point non existing. And I never want to go back to this person and those feelings. I know, the question comes up, why did I not leave them sooner? Because I wanted their love. I needed it more than my pride and myself, because my self-confidence was so fucking low and I thought, if they love me, than I am really lovable, than I am a worthy person. So fuck all those Why didn't you leave! Because it is hard to understand you are hurting and giving up yourself and destroying yourself more and more, when you selfreflect through different eyes than yours.

And because I have never witnessed such a cute love like in MSP, I live through those moments of pure joy and can feel their happiness and this is more than I ever felt in my past relationships. And the fact it is a bl plays a big role for me. Because I can't and don't want to identify with the girls in most if these kind of love stories. Because I never had the chance to be that girl. So I take something that feels safe. Where the men are something I wish I could have had in my life. bl feels safe for my feelings to be true and validated, because I don't have to compete with the protagonist, I don't have to be jealous, I don't have to see my own flaws and the past I will never have. I can relax and enjoy a love story.

And in my heart I am still this young girl, wishing for a cuddly love, dipped in flowers and sunshine, but reality showed me in a cruel way, that my hand for men is really shitty and at some point I thought I'll never have such a relationship. I am still healing, not just from those realtionships, but other traumas thanks to men, but it takes time. My self-esteem could grow during the past years and I could heal some of those wounds and almost forgive myself for being the person I was. Right now it is enough for me to have those shows and this community ❤ If you read this far, my sincere thanks for listening.

So with the words of my new favorite song "Alive" by The Scarlet Opera, I say The whole world is watching, but nobody cares. Do what you want baby, get what you can. Life keeps rolling (so) Keep the party alive.

[v-a-t-s]

i sometimes think about how that whole samdoesart same face syndrome discourse ruined art for me LOL

like for me sfs always meant like those anime art styles where they literally had all the same features 😭😭 and w that samdoesart guy, i could see where everyone was coming from esp since he butchered bella ramsey's likeness in that tlou drawing. which leads to how it ruined art for me haha. it became such a huge topic on tiktok (where i had the most followers and interaction) and artists left and right were being accused of having sfs, even by people who dont draw! and a lot of the ppl who accused me also .... did not have any art experience... so i had asked some of my trusted art friends/mutuals to be honest on whether i had it or not and i got a resounding yes 💀💀

and i was low key devastated 1. bc i had like always taken pride in giving all my ocs different features and 2. bc ive always hated taking criticism bc i was self aware that my art wasnt perfect. but honestly that was one of the things i was certain i was not guilty of 😭😭 so it kinda made my whole world crumble and i started drawing less and less. i had tried taking my friends' advice but the practice wasnt paying off, and i had gotten too insecure to post anything.

i just get sad thinking about how i had an audience and beefed it bc now im too ashamed to post hardly anything. its mainly bc i havent improved at all, but also bc i dont have any motivation to get back up and try again lol

maybe someday, ill decide to log off and focus on myself but fan art is my passion and sharing my art w other fans used to give me so much joy but i let a little criticism ruin it all for me lol and now i cant do what i used to love so much

[girlbossminerva]

I fucking hate being a Libra sometimes, like I have great pride in my sign, but I never fucking think, I got commissions done, but now that I think about it, I'll never use these art work commissions and I wasted money on what I could have requested for other art work for my other stories, I hate my life now, but the dumbass in me let my mind wander and my love for avatar: TLA, is my reason for this story that started up, my idea genuinely sucks, don't know how I'll write conflict but either way, I have an idea, get me a time machine, and I'll never hate myself again, I'll still hate myself, But still.

Hey! No self-hating allowed!

If it makes you feel even a little better, you can think of those commission from the point of how you're monetarily supporting an indie artist. If it worries you that you think they're "useless", these commissions are technically yours now, you can turn them into a poster or make a little edit with them (like a collage or a wallpaper).

And about your story idea; in fanfiction no idea sucks, you will always find at least a handful of people that will find joy in it and will let you know. If you're insecure about how to write something my recommendations are to 1) find a friend who will beta read for you and help when you're stuck in a point and 2) just fuck around with your draft; make 5 different versions of a chapter with some changes to compare them, rewrite something you don't like completely, change the povs, ommit stuff with a time lapse, even delete the chapter (or the whole story) and start anew, there's no shame in that. Just do anything that will take you to a point that makes you say "yeah, ok, that's good enough".

But also, if you feel out of your depth or there are outside irl factors that are making it hard for you to write, remember that you actually have all the time in the world to figure how to proceed.

[mutedeclipse]

I wanna open up in a way that nobody asked for and say that...

My god why i am i so insecure about changing media i like to the point of making something new, and beautiful but absolutely hating myself when i see other people's interpretations who are closer to the source. Im specifically thinking about R-ewritten!Bomberman (i think thats how you format the .... Alternate verse thingy???? Im new to this sorry) and seeing other people react to the small changes i do show and then i recoil and lurk back into my cave even if it isnt.. negative

Its difficult to explain changes i made and why and the fact i injected angst n shit in a typically lighthearted series and then up and moved my entire platform to a smaller area and its. Noticable very very noticeable

I REALLY want to get back into making content for it as bomberman has me in a death grip and thats my pride and joy and my biggest most fleshed out story to date but it really does seem theres no demand anymore to continue, no interest in my passions which, yes im being melodramatic and irrational but thats just me. I am melodramatic and irrational.... 👍

Maybe i should stop comparing my art and creations to other peoples, i stopped doing that with my art why cant i do that with my stories too?

Thanks for listening to me losing my fucking mind

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

What Turns Me Grinchy

Believe it or not, this post is another love letter to J. It’s just…an unconventional one, I guess, with a cameo appearance from Dr. Seuss’s beloved (?…he’s beloved, right?) Aspiring Christmas Stealer.

I’ve written for over a year here, and for more than 3 years somewhere about what a calm, capable, loving, and wonderful man J is. I’ve written about his compassion and his commitment and how he works so hard and how easy he is to trust (and he deserves that trust) because he’s so concerned with people’s safety and he makes people feel safe. I haven’t really written much explicitly about his quiet confidence, but he does have it and I think that’s heavily implied in most of the things I write about him and in the fictional heroes I’ve created that are inspired by him too.

But even confident, amazing heroes have insecurity sometimes. J’s isn’t anything like my constant, multi-faceted, insidious and invasive insecurity (thank goodness). His hardly ever shows. But each year around the holidays, because of inane holiday marketing, I’m reminded of one place J’s insecurity tends to reveal itself.

J grew up poor. He didn’t grow up ‘not rich’ like me. I mean, I grew up living in an apartment with two working parents who sometimes had $5 left in the bank at the end of the month (and this was with free full time child care from my dad’s parents for me and from ME for my little brother) and openly bickered with each other about whose parents we’d have to move in with when the inevitable happened and we couldn’t make the monthly budget stretch (I was always rooting for my dad’s parents when they were still living for obvious reasons). But we never actually HAD to move in with any of my grandparents (thank goodness…I guess…although honestly, I’d have liked to have lived with my dad’s parents). And my parents never applied for public assistance. J’s family did. A friend of mine online reminded me of this Everclear song the other day, which isn’t totally J, but these lines definitely are…

"I hate those people who love to tell you Money is the root of all that kills. They have never been poor; They have never had the joy of a Welfare Christmas."

J’s dad always worked full time, but his mother was unable to work (she couldn’t drive a car), and J remembers walking to the grocery store and helping his mother do math and count change to pay for the things they needed that SNAP (food stamps) didn’t cover when he was The Boy’s age. He remembers going to free stores to get new winter coats every year. He remembers being on the receiving end of anonymous donations at holiday time…the same anonymous donations we MAKE now for other families.

J does know what a Welfare Christmas feels like.

We live a very comfortable life together now. I mean, we have a life beyond my wildest dreams of what kind of life I could have. If I went back and told my 5 or 15 or even 25 year old self that I’d be living my current life with J, I’d have not believed it. J works hard for us to have a great life, and he takes great pride (and should) in taking care of me and The Boy when it comes to providing us with material and financial security. But I know there are still times he thinks and worries about it.

The first time J met my parents was the day after Christmas in 2003. We’d known each other for almost 4 weeks and had been on 4 dates alone when we went to dinner with my parents at a modest sit-down restaurant (not fast food, but certainly not fancy). My dad picked up the entire check for the party of 5 (my parents, my little brother, who was 14 at the time, and J and me). J thanked my dad sincerely. And when the two of us got into his car alone to drive home, the first thing he said to me was, 'Your dad knows I can buy your dinner, right?’ My dad was trying to be magnanimous and welcoming. Neither of my parents are particularly affectionate people, but they do know how to buy people things as a way of showing approval or 'love.’ I told J this. 'My dad can’t say, 'Nice to meet you,’ like a normal person, but he can buy your dinner. That’s all that meant.’

On our first Valentine’s Day together, J bought me a white gold and diamond chip necklace. I was speechless. I’d never received a gift that nice before, and I loved it…I loved the implied commitment. But I can remember casually mentioning that it was 'a lot.’ I treasure that necklace, and I still wear it out on special occasions. And J bought me an engagement ring and a wedding ring, and another necklace for one Mother’s Day, but he doesn’t buy me jewelry for every gift giving occasion, and I don’t want him to. I think part of the reason he bought me that necklace was to show me that he could. It was mostly the commitment…to show me how seriously he took me and our potential future together. But I think it was at least a little bit, in J’s mind, something to indicate to me what he could do.

Which brings me to the shifty holiday marketing that makes me think about this every year around Christmas (and Valentine’s Day…and Mother’s Day…) All the 'He went to Jared!’ and 'Every kiss begins with Kay’ commercials just grate on me. They turn my Grinch feet ice cold in the snow. I don’t like the implication that women want (read: expect) jewelry for every gift giving occasion and I don’t like the implication that these gifts earn men affection and prove how much they love the women in their lives/are indicators of what kind of partner they are/can be. Those things aren’t true. At least it’s not true for me as a woman. And I know many men who can and do buy jewelry regularly who don’t show their partners respect or affection regularly. I’m not trying to judge jewelry negatively here. I just don’t like the marketing implication that an expensive gift = love.

And I know that despite all the progress made in the past 60 years or so with debunking gender expectations, men are still conditioned to believe that financially providing for their partner is a requirement, and it can still cause insecurity. And particularly in the world we currently live in, where it’s hard for so many people to get the basic things they need like food and shelter and clean water and health care, we are extremely fortunate to live with as much comfort and security as we have. I know men still feel pressure to buy expensive things for their partners as gifts. Things that mass marketing tells them are 'romantic.’ Buying her that stand mixer you know she’s gonna use every week is sexist, but buying her a diamond says you love her. Taking her to the book store to get a hot cocoa and a book or two from the paperback sale rack is cheap; take her to the jewelry store and let her pick something out there instead…

My kisses don’t begin with Kay. J doesn’t have to buy me a new life. I love the life we’re already living. About 5 Christmases ago, J asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told him I couldn’t think of anything; I already have everything; he’d given me everything but the kitchen sink. And he bought me a new kitchen sink (really…engineers are wicked literal…and J is kind of a smart ass…but my kitchen sink is really nice, for real). In all seriousness, I hope J knows that while I am grateful for and appreciate how hard he works for our comfortable life…and that he’s now given me everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink, I’d still love him even if he couldn’t buy my dinner at a non-fast food restaurant. He provides my soul security with his consistent love. That’s what I want to keep getting for Christmas every year. He can’t buy that in any store.

“And what happened then? Well, in Whoville, they say That the Grinch’s small heart grew 3 sizes that day.”

I love that guy. <3

[grayray11]

Home...?

Home has not been a happy place for me, I notice that I rarely feel such joy at being close to my mother. When I was in my senior year of high school, I was more happier in my life knowing I have my friends and boyfriend at my side. That, I could focus on my academics and not worry about the situation back home. Home is not a true home when it has left me broken and to tears, and to the point I rarely smile. Yes, I smile to them but it was never because I felt happy with them, it was only cause they showed something funny to me or had a brain rot moment like asking me if their spelling is right or not for their next post in social media. I don't feel truly home here, I yearn to get out and live independently on my own. I'm disappointed to have parents like them in my life, resentment remains and I'll never forgive them with how they've treated my young self. I'll forever remain grateful of the parental figures I found along the way in life and have guidance too, in a game funnily.

Yes, I'm a broken person and one I'm not ashamed to admit as my situation back home is broken itself. I don't like home, and I don't love coming back here after my classes are done. It's not home, and it will never will be. Home is where I could express myself properly with my friends and boyfriend will actively listen, not here back home where a parent's high pride wouldn't even properly listen to their child's insecurities and say that what their listening is stupid. I suppose Asian parents are like this, they forget what they told their child previously about how they should focus on their studies and not do the chores and then berate them for not doing a good job in housework/chores. Idiotic at its finest, and utterly disdainful.

Importantly, I don't feel love here anymore. I felt it when I was young, but I was very innocent and hopeful, but now with me remembering how they've treated me and how toxic and childlike their behaviors are, I don't ever want to accept them as my parents. I don't want to reach out to them anymore, put my faith close to their side, letting them know how I truly feel, and share my love, joy and my sadness to them. If only I was born to parents who have a high amount of patience and the maturity to control their emotions, I'm sure the home that I desire would have already existed. A what if really, a what if I want it to be a reality.

My true home is forever with my friends and boyfriend, not my family cause they'll never be one as they'll never know the amount of tears I've shed and the genuine smile on my face as they don't deserve it. I question God for why my life is like this a lot of times, I'll never know the true answer but I'm glad it has made me more controlling of my emotions. Not to the point of me bottling it up but me discovering a healthy way to express them. I don't hate my life, I stand by my life motto 'amor fati' loving one's life/fate. I'll never oversee the positive things I've witnessed and experienced in my life, and of course I'll not ignore the negative things in my life. They both make me and shaped me, made me proud of the individual I am.

[myymi]

hc that while he's better than sonic, tails can't really sit still for too long,hes constantly fidgeting with smthn so the fact he forced himself to sit still long enough to make all those patches is just sjshsjsb everyone is so moved they love their lil fox sm

tails making friendship bracelets in his free time disbsnsbns he's so cute i love him

his siblings absolutely show off their new bracelets.

sonic talks the chili dog vendor's ear off about this awesome bracelet HIS little brother made. he goes on about how it's so comfortable he sometimes forgets it's there, it's on so securely that he can run several lap around mobius and it'd still be on

his favorite thing is the tiny charms, he talks them specifically for the longest amount of time because it's so sweet of his little buddy to want to put things that represented them on the bracelets, he can't get over it

knuckles talks about it the next time he visits the chaotix. his favorite thing is the raw strength of the dam thing. he's climbed mountains, faught eggman, glided, and broken countless rocks and the thing hasn't budged!! it's so strong, he's vry impressed

he's so honored to have a tiny charm on the bracelets, he's just so touched :,) like, he's just some guy on a floating island and this sweet lil guy saw him and was just 'hi you're my big brother now ^^`

amy talks about it with vanilla and cream next time she goes over for baking lessons or whatever. she's in love with how the bracelet is so well balanced with colors it goes with just about everything! it matches all fo her outfits, and doesn't clash with anything but it stands out just enough to catch other mobians' eyes without being an eyesore, it's incredible!!

while red is her favorite, she understands why she got a different color and still loves that little charm so much. she gets vry giddy when she thinks abt how special she is to have a charm based on her, it makes her so happy

shadow waits for rouge to ask before he starts talking abt it, but once he starts he physically cannot stop because holy shit this little thing is so impressive it's unreal. he notices that boost the charms give and he's so blown away by it because wow it's quite the boost for soemthing so little. he never would've believed the thing could give him that sort of boost has he not experienced it.

he'd be a liar if he said that little black charm didn't melt his heart (but shh, don't tell anyone. he's the ultimate lifeform, he's supposed to brood not be sentimental) it's just.. such a sweet lil thing and he loves it (rouge has been.. given a 'warning' that it'd be in her best interest to leave these shiny things be)

(also side note, that whole thing was a joy to read dkdbjsjs i love it)

TINER TAILS IS THE BEST SKXNSKSNS

them passing him around sjshsjsb he's good at filling in when actual tails is busy <33

one time tiner tails got a little rip in one of his paws and the big sibs nearly lost their minds because they're so attached to this dumb little thing jshsjsnsnd

they were panicking so bad until vanilla caught wind of it and offered to patch him up

she's now the designated tiner tails doctor

tails is totally his siblings #1 fan and he holds that title with pride, that means he must have every last bit a merch they have, no matter how bad of a knockoff it is (besides, it makes him giggle)

SOFT ROUGE SOFT ROUGE 💳💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

GIMME

one of his favorite past times is snuggling up in one of those hoodie and just chilling for the day (he hates to admit it, but sonic was right that taking breaks makes you feel better)

sonic has a literal goldmine with these pics and he knows it he holds those pics above his siblings heads every chance he gets isnsjdnd

*in the nerf ad voice* it's laser pistols or NOTHING.

he's vry insecure about his eight year old attributes because he has a 300 iq!! he's too smart to enjoy these baby activities, he deserves respect and enemies should fear him he's that mature!

..but he can't help being a little kid sometimes skdnjdndd he hates that he actually enjoys making stupid matching jewelry or that those hoodies give him a genuine sense of security it's so dumb but he loves it all so much

he's so worried about making personal items because they're not always useful, but he NEEDS to be useful to his siblings, otherwise they'll leave and he doesn't want to be alone (even though they'd NEVER. they love him sm he just doesn't understand it </3)

random useless headcanon: sometimes tails will sleep on sonic's chest the same way cats sleep on ours for no reason other than because he felt like it sonic is perfectly fine with it and fully embraces his cat-fox brother's weird actions