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twirlyeyebrows · 3 years

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How Could I Have Known?

(A Zosan Fic)

Link to Chapter 12!

Link to Entire Work on ao3!

Ch. 13 - Breaking Down Walls

(There’s a tiny spoiler about Sanji’s mother in this chapter, so please be aware of that before reading!! ty!)

Sanji spared no time whipping up Zoro’s favorite onigiri from scratch when lunchtime rolled around. He'd been waiting since breakfast to have an excuse to talk to the man who was seemingly avoiding him as of now. He figured lunch would be the best way to go about it, food was his specialty after all. He also happened to know that his dishes were practically irresistible to everyone, especially the moss head. This was the perfect way to begin a conversation that was far overdue. Who would say no to their favorite dish on a beautiful sunny day like this?

For once, Sanji felt secure. He felt cool. He moved his hips to a nonexistent rhythm as he carefully plated the dish and set it off to the side. He found himself humming and making small turns around the kitchen in a joyful swagger. Cooking really brought out the best in him, and after he'd spent his time after breakfast hanging out with the rest of the crew, he felt like nothing could bring him down.

He sighed out of relief when he realized he could think about Zoro without feeling like he needed to scold himself. Right now, he was simply cooking for a friend. It felt great. It had been so long since he'd gotten the opportunity to just be in his element. In his mind, he thanked his friends who had coerced him onto the deck earlier that morning. He had clearly been looking gloomy, which obviously wasn't going to slide with the rest of the crew. For the past few hours he's been running around with Chopper on his back, playfully sparring with Luffy, talking to Usopp about his new inventions, and serving parfait after parfait to Robin and Nami, always making sure they were perfectly satisfied. It was exactly what he needed.

As he finished garnishing the plate, he swiveled to the other side of the counter and glanced at the bottle of booze looming there. The cheerful images in his mind were tainted ever so slightly by the sour thought of Zoro being completely isolated during such a nice day. He felt bad for not going down and trying to get Zoro to come out to mess around with them, but he knew better than anyone what he was going through. He didn't want to force him to do anything he didn't want to do. Sanji had put himself in Zoro’s shoes and came to the conclusion that he wouldn't have wanted to be dragged out of his room to be around people he didn't want to be around, especially in this situation, so he let him be.

Sanji grabbed the bottle and popped the cork open, a small spritz of the liquor came out and sparkled in the air. Sanji smiled. He dismissed the sorrowful thoughts and replaced them with hopeful ones instead. He had sworn to himself (and unknowingly, also Zoro) that this time things would go well, and he was determined to make that a reality. Instead of thinking about how the swordsman hadn't been there for the fun, Sanji thought about how he'd been able to get some much-needed alone time after breakfast.

The suave chef reached to the cupboard with an array of plates, bowls, and cups scattered among the shelves. He grabbed a short glass that was squared with rounded edges, perfect for sake. If there was one way to get through to Zoro, it was alcohol. Sanji winced at the fact, he didn't like thinking about how poorly the swordsman took care of himself. Sanji chuckled in despair. “I guess I have no right to talk.” He said as he took a puff from his cigarette. “Man, Zoro was right,” The cook continued as he poured a small amount of the drink into the glass. “He has his alcohol, and I have my cigarettes- maybe we are perfect for each other.” He laughed as he recalled the time when Zoro had said those exact words to him in a drunken haze.

Sanji put the cork back in the bottle and put it back in its rightful spot. He hadn't even realized what he had said. He was in too good of a mood to let anything get in his way, not even that feeling that made his chest disastrously tight for a reason he couldn't explain.

Sanji sauntered over to the kitchen door, grabbed the door frame, and whipped around, peeking his head out of the door.

“How’s it going, guys?” He raised his voice so that his rowdy crewmates would be able to hear him. His question was met back with an onslaught of yells in approval. He took the howling as a sign that everything was all good. He flashed a wide grin and a thumbs up before making his way back in the kitchen to grab the meal he had prepared for the one person not enjoying the cloud-free skies.

He made one last twirl along the side of the counter as he lifted up the plate and the cup in one fell swoop. He nudged the kitchen door with his hip to open it and made his way onto the deck.

The hardest part was maneuvering around the chaos that was still ensuing. Luffy was dangling over the side of the Merry, claiming he saw a huge fish he wanted to catch and eat for dinner. Usopp had his arms around Luffy’s waist, desperately trying to get him to come back on the deck where he wouldn't accidentally fall into the water, but to no avail. Chopper’s eyes turned to bright stars as he careened his head over the side of the ship as well, getting a look at whatever sea creature Luffy was trying to grab at. Sanji smiled softly and ignored them. This was a normal day for them. Honestly, if the worst thing that happens today is Luffy falling into the water, that would be considered a win.

Sanji glanced over at the ladies who were chatting to themselves on two beach chairs in the sun. Sanji threw a flirtatious wave and both women waved back, smiling.

“Is that for you, Sanji-kun?” Nami asked curiously, lowering her sunglasses to take a look at what the cook was holding. Sanji scoffed in a carefree manner. “No, it's for the idiot moss who decided to hibernate during this stunning weather.” He replied, his tone laced with flirtatiousness. “How kind of you.” Robin spoke in a relaxed tone. Sanji shrugged with a bashful smirk. “What kind of cook would I be if I didn't feed my whole crew?” He laughed at the end of the phrase and headed down to the same room Zoro had hidden away in when he was hungover. Hopefully, Sanji entering the room now wouldn't be as disastrous as it was last time. He tried not to think about it.

He braced himself before knocking on the door. He'd told himself over and over again that this was going to be the time that would change everything. This was finally going to be the conversation that steered things in the right direction. He told himself all this, but was there truly anything he could do to stop Zoro from protesting? The swordsman was extremely stubborn after all, when he was set on something, there was no changing his mind.

What if Zoro had already decided the Sanji wasn't worth it anymore?

The thought was almost too heartbreaking to think about. Maybe Sanji didn't reciprocate the feelings but in no way did he want to lose Zoro as a teammate. He'd never be able to live with that guilt.

Realizing the unwanted thoughts were clouding his mind once again, he snapped himself out of the daze.

He took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled out. He realized he should get into the habit of doing that more often, taking a second to regroup himself really did wonders.

He let that sunny smile make its way back onto his face. He told himself that this had every chance to go well as it did to go bad. At this point, it was all up to luck… and Zoro. He thought it best to leave it in luck’s hands rather than the ladder’s.

The plate he was holding shook ever so slightly as his other hand curled into a fist and knocked on the door. Sanji’s legs felt like jell-o. His face felt burning hot. He'd been his own personal coach all morning, hyping himself up for this conversation at every turn. Now that he was actually about to have that talk though, everything seemed a lot more terrifying. Regardless, he was still determined to make things right. He stood his ground.

There was no answer from inside. He knocked again.

“Who is it?” Sanji heard Zoro’s voice come from within the room. Sanji felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Zoro did not sound good. Just in those three words, it was made painfully obvious. He sounded sad and distraught. He might've been crying, too. Sanji’s determination only grew.

“It's Sanji-but I have food.” He cut his own introduction off with another sentence, almost as if he didn't want to admit who it was outside the door.

The eager chef heard a rustle on the couch but no invitation for him to come in.

“What do you want?” Zoro asked, almost completely void of emotion. Sanji’s smile curled a little bit more. At least Zoro wasn't just immediately telling him to get lost, that was a start!

“I just wanna talk about stuff. Like… actually talk this time.” Sanji said in the most genuine tone he could force out. Talking to Zoro in anything other than an aggravated tone still felt odd. How could it not after that's all he'd been doing since he met the man?

“Oh, great, yeah. I'm sure that's gonna end well. Have you not noticed how every single other one of our “talks” have gone?” Zoro spat to the door with a fiery tone. As much as the swordsman was trying to sound peeved, his words only came off as hopeless.

“I know, that's what I'm trying to change, you moss brain.” Sanji chuckled. He thought if he made it clear that he wasn't upset, he might have a better chance at getting to actually have this conversation. All his efforts would be for nothing if Zoro didn't let him into that room.

It was completely silent.

“You're not just coming in here to make fun of me are you, asshole?” Zoro called out after a long pause. The question sounded half genuine and half-joking. Sanji supposed it was.

Sanji sighed in relief. Finally, things looked like they might be okay. Sanji had never been happier to be called an asshole in his whole life. The idiotic nicknames seemed to relieve some of the tension in the air between the two. They felt familiar, almost comforting. Sanji didn't know why he blushed as he thought about this.

“If I wanted to, I would've done that by now. And I definitely wouldn't have made a whole separate lunch for you.” The cook responded with a small chuckle. He made every effort to sound as unphased with this situation as he could.

Zoro felt his stomach flip, both out of hunger and nervousness. This was worse than any monster he'd ever fought. He would honestly rather take on Mihawk again at this moment than talk to Sanji about his feelings. As much as he wanted to say no, he truly wanted to clear the water with the other man. He'd been barely able to handle all the back and forth ignoring and arguing. He was at his limit and he knew Sanji was too. They both just wanted all of this to be over but it was so difficult to get to that point. It’s always been easier to run. He told himself countless times that he'd stop running, that he'd actually talk to Sanji about all this. He told himself that but it hadn't amounted to anything. Here he was on a beautiful day, sitting alone in the most isolated place on the ship, avoiding all his friends. It was terrible but making Sanji carry any more of this burden was worse. The best thing he could do was just stay away.

But here Sanji was, trying for the millionth time to smooth things out. Zoro smiled to himself. Maybe this time he should let him.

“Fine, you can come in, Twirly. But I'm only saying yes 'cause you have food.” Zoro responded, forcing himself to control the blush that had spread along his face.

“That’s alright with me.” Sanji said cheerfully as he pushed open the door to where Zoro was.

As he walked in, he noticed how light the air felt. Usually, when he and Zoro were about to have one of these moments, the air felt suffocating. Sanji liked being able to actually breathe for once.

Sanji flashed a warm smile towards Zoro. Zoro's efforts of trying to hide his blush suddenly went out the window. Sanji giggled and stopped himself.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh.” He said, his words being choppy as he was still laughing.

“Doesn’t look like you're that sorry.” Zoro stated in embarrassment and turned away. He looked like he was pouting like a toddler.

Sanji’s smile lessened but was still present. He walked over to the table in front of the couch and set down the plate with Zoro’s lunch.

“You said you only let me in for the food so… here you go.” Sanji said, politely.

Zoro turned his face back around, his eyes glinted ever so slightly.

“And…ta-da!” Sanji cheered, half sarcastically. He set down the glass of booze next to the dish. “Your favorite sake! But only a little bit because you really shouldn't be drinking anymore anyways.”

Zoro smirked. “Wow, thanks. I'm surprised you didn't lock the cabinet up after..” Zoro cut himself off. He knew what happened and so did Sanji, there was no reason for himself to talk about it again. Plus, he thought he might die of shame if he did.

Sanji got the silent message and didn't bring it up either.

“Yeah, well, I need it for cooking and you're not the only one here who drinks. It would've been annoying to lock it every day.” Sanji replied, nonchalantly, trying to deviate from the elephant in the room.

Zoro nodded, not knowing what else to say. He grabbed the glass that was just set down and took a swig. Half of the glass was gone when he put the cup back down. Sanji refrained from making a comment.

“You're not going to kick me out now that I've given you lunch, are you?” Sanji meant for it to come off as sarcastic but when he heard his voice he realized it sounded a lot more genuine than he intended.

Zoro sighed.

“Would you even leave if I tried?” Zoro asked, calmly and quietly.

“That depends on your reasoning.” Sanji said after taking a genuine thought about Zoro’s question.

Zoro smiled weakly. “No, I'm not gonna kick you out.” He paused. “But just know that I want to.” He said, looking up at Sanji with a sly grin and a raised eyebrow.

Sanji laughed softly once again. That smirk of Zoro’s was another thing that made the current situation feel more at ease. Every snarky nuance Zoro made that usually drove Sanji up the wall was now making the room more comfortable. He didn't really understand it, but he wasn't going to fight it.

“Yeah, I'm sure you do.” Sanji said with a slight grin as he sat down next to Zoro on the couch.

Zoro flinched ever so slightly when the cushions shifted due to the added bodyweight of another person. He held back every urge to either punch or kiss the man now sitting next to him. He didn't even know which one he wanted to do more.

Attempting to avoid an awkward conversation, Zoro picked up one of the rice balls and took a huge bite. It was just as delicious as always. Sanji’s cooking never failed to make him fall head over heels all over again. It was crazy to Zoro how someone could possibly be so skilled at making anything and everything.

The number of times he fantasized about waking up to Sanji’s cooking was immeasurable. Add this instance to the list as well.

Zoro snapped out of his daydream as he heard the cook’s voice through his spacing out. A light dust of red covered Zoro’s cheeks as he realized he had just been making up fake scenarios about the man who was sitting right by his side. Yikes.

“Does it taste alright?” Sanji asked, his eyes gleaming.

Zoro’s blush grew deeper. He loved when Sanji talked about his cooking, and Zoro loved complimenting it. It seemed that before this whole crisis began, the only time Sanji would ever be nice to Zoro is when he'd say something good about his skill, so he did it often. It's just one thing he picked up on after being smitten for so long.

“You know the answer to that already, Curly. Have you ever made something bad?” Zoro responded with his mouth still full.

He knew it was a rhetorical question but Sanji figured he could answer in one of two ways. He could boast and be his normal cocky self, saying he's the best chef in the world who's never made anything inedible, or he could tell the truth. The truth is that he had produced terrible things before, that he wasn't a cooking prodigy from the moment he left the womb. He decided that a moment of a little vulnerability might be good in this situation.

“Yes, actually. Believe it or not, I wasn't born with a frying pan in my hand.” Sanji gave a sad smile. “Everything I made at first turned out to be a disaster.” His voice got softer. “I only kept cooking because of my mom.”

Zoro didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. He could tell by Sanji’s tone that even though that should be a happy thought, there was definitely more to it. He didn't want to press for details so he left it there.

Zoro inhaled, put his hands on his knees, and exhaled.

“Yeah, I get it. I'm not just trying to become the greatest swordsman for myself, y’know.” Zoro matched Sanji’s somber smile.

The other man raised a curly eyebrow in confusion.

“Really? That's surprising.” Sanji said in an almost sarcastic tone, but not quite.

“Just like how you weren't born a great chef, I wasn't born a good swordsman. I trained non-stop but there was always one person who I couldn't beat. We swore that one of us would become the best in the world someday.” Zoro felt his heart ache as he explained this. He had never talked about this with anyone else. It felt unnatural yet good in some way.

“Her name was Kuina.” Zoro barely spoke loud enough to hear.

Sanji paused.

“Was?” He asked with caution.

“Yeah… was.” Zoro responded in the same hushed tone.

“My mom’s name was Sora.” Sanji said after another break in conversation.

“Was?” Zoro mimicked Sanji.

The chef nodded.

“Well that's one thing we have in common.” Zoro spoke.

All this emotional talk was foreign to him, he didn't know how he felt about it. It did feel nice to know that someone else knew about Kuina now. Zoro felt that the whole world should know about her, but it's not as if he could just go around telling people. He had to work for it. Apparently, Sanji felt the same. Just as Zoro was carrying on Kuina’s legacy, Sanji was carrying on Sora’s. Zoro would be forever grateful that Sanji trusted him with that information.

He looked Sanji straight in the eyes.

“I'm really glad your mom made you want to cook because I wouldn't want to be eating anyone else’s food. I swear there's not a single chef that can compare to you.” He knew it was cheesy and he regretted saying it a little bit but it was all true. There was not a single thing that Zoro’s eaten that's been better than Sanji’s cuisine. He knew everyone else on the crew would've responded the same way.

Sanji’s face turned pink in an instant. His hands got damp and he started to fidget with them. What the hell was that feeling? This was the worst time to be feeling this. He tried to suppress it.

“Well I'm glad you like my cooking so much because I won't let you waste a single thing on that plate, moss brain.” Sanji stuttered, still caught off guard.

Zoro noticed but didn't point it out. He'd be lying if he said it didn't give him butterflies. Stupid love.

“You know I never do.” Zoro said, picking up another piece of the dish and raising it as if he were giving a toast.

Sanji and Zoro sat in comfortable silence as Zoro finished his food. No doubt they were both thinking about how they just revealed parts of their past to each other, something neither of them ever did. It was strange, but not bad. It was alright, they were both alright.

Zoro scarfed down the last bits of rice stuck on the plate and sighed in joy. Sanji’s food always left him in a good mood, whether it be from the flavor or the man who made it for him, he couldn't tell; but it didn't matter.

“Thanks for lunch.” Zoro said simply.

“No problem.” Sanji responded just as plain.

Now the silence had grown awkward. Neither of the men were comfortable in the quiet company anymore. They were both aware of the conversation that was going to have to happen next. Neither of them wanted to bring it up first, so they just sat there. It was awful.

After a few minutes of pure silence, Zoro groaned loudly and put his hands in his face. Sanji jumped and turned to him in response.

“Jesus christ, I can't keep just sitting here, cook. I know you came in here for a reason so whatever you want to say, just say it.” Zoro said in an agonizing tone.

Sanji was shocked but impressed. If he were in Zoro’s shoes, he probably wouldn't have had the guts to initiate conversation. Hell, Sanji wasn't in his shoes and he still didn't have the guts.

Sanji sighed quietly.

“There's nothing I really want to say, I just want things to go back to normal.” He said, truthfully. There was a tired pang in his voice.

“Yeah, me too. Sorry I fucked it up.” Zoro responded.

“You didn't fuck it up, it's not like you can control your feelings. Plus, I've been awful about everything too.” Sanji tried to think through every word before it came out of his mouth. This was such a good start, who knows what would happen if he messed it up again.

“I think you've been acting pretty normal, all things considered.” Zoro laughed to himself.

“What? How? I feel like the worst person ever for how I've been.” Sanji asked, surprised.

Zoro laughed again. Sanji laughed a little bit with him, still confused, but trying to even out the tension.

“How do you think someone is supposed to act in a situation like this? If I were you, I really don't know what I would've done either.” Zoro shrugged. “I guess I’m just saying that I don't blame you for ignoring me or anything.” He said more seriously.

It felt like a weight had been lifted off of Sanji’s shoulders. Of course, he couldn't stop himself from feeling bad anyways, but at least he could sleep knowing that Zoro didn't blame him.

Sanji tried to hide how relieved he felt but failed.

“Thanks, that actually… makes me feel a lot better.” He said sincerely.

Zoro felt his heart flip, the feeling shook him to the core. If that's all he had to say to get that reaction out of Sanji, he would've said that ages ago.

He nodded in response.

Sanji cleared his throat.

“And I hope you know that like…I'm not weirded out.” Sanji paused and inhaled. “You know, by you… liking me.” That was definitely a sentence he'd never thought he'd say. It was, however, one of the most difficult ones.

“God, don't say it.” Zoro laughed in embarrassment as he put his hands back over his face. Sanji noticed that was a fallback response of his.

Sanji laughed lightheartedly.

“I know, I know.” He digressed. “Maybe though, if we both just admit it, it'll make things easier.”

Zoro looked at Sanji with horror and confusion.

“What do you mean by that?” The swordsman asked.

“I mean that maybe if you tell me how you feel and if I acknowledge it back, we might be able to stop all this running away and ignoring each other.” Sanji took a deep breath. “I mean, you didn't like any of that either, did you?”

Zoro said nothing but his thoughts were running wild.

He didn't want to have to admit his feelings out loud. He'd already done it once and it had turned out terribly. How was saying it again going to make any of this easier? They both already knew so what was the problem? Was that not acknowledgment enough?

Though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he couldn't not listen to Sanji. As much as his brain told him to discard the idea, his heart couldn't let that happen. And the cook was right, there was nothing good about how they were going at things now.

Zoro shook his head.

“No I didn’t, it was shit.” He admitted.

“So we're on the same page, that's good.” Sanji maintained a calm and welcoming demeanor.

“So, what? You want me to just…say it?” Zoro added extra emphasis on “it”. They both knew what “it” meant but apparently to Sanji, that wasn't enough. “Even though I've already told you once?”

Sanji’s eyes dimmed. He could tell how hard this was for Zoro and just wanted to be able to help. “If you can. I don't know why, I just think it could fix some part of all this. But what do I know?” He smiled softly. “And the only time you told me is when you were blacked out, as a man who appreciates all things romance, I don't accept that as a confession.” He stated.

“Fucking hell, okay.” Zoro sighed loudly. He ignored how fast his heart was beating. He ignored the fact that Sanji just called what he had said “a confession”. This was the very moment he'd been dreading for so long. He hoped to any and every god that could hear him that Sanji wasn't about to pull a 180° and start picking on him for this. If the cook mentioned any of this to anyone, he swore he'd kill that twirly eyebrowed cook… if he could bring himself to.

He tried to prepare himself in his mind but all attempts were useless. His brain was wandering in every direction and thousands of different ways to word what he wanted to say swam through his mind. Though his mind was racing, he couldn't seem to get any of the words out. There was a disconnect between his brain and his throat and he blamed his heart for it. He wanted to be able to tell Sanji properly, he really did, but he didn't know if he could. He must've really been struggling because all of the sudden, Zoro felt Sanji’s fingers lace between his own.

“Cook, what're you-” Zoro looked up at Sanji and the words were taken right out of his mouth. Every thought in his brain stopped. Instead of crashing waves of a violent ocean, it felt as if it was replaced with the calm belt.

When Zoro looked at Sanji he was met with the most sincere, caring, and nurturing look he's ever seen. It was clear as day that Sanji really did care. There wasn't a trace of any upset look. No anger, no sadness, no embarrassment. Just loads and loads of genuine care. If Sanji would have acted like Nami and charged Zoro just to see the look for a few seconds, he would've emptied all his pockets for it.

“Woah.” Zoro mumbled softly, not even realizing he was speaking.

Sanji smiled brighter at the affection. He let himself enjoy this moment, even if he didn't know why he was enjoying it so much. He held tighter onto Zoro’s hand. Zoro squeezed back. For some reason, Zoro’s hand on his own just seemed right. The swordsman’s calloused hands and bruised knuckles felt so nice along with the chef’s smooth and unscarred palms. It felt so much different than the last time they'd held hands. That had been awkward and uncomfortable, this time it felt like something he'd always wanted to do. Sanji knew there was something to unpack there, he assumed something to do with the lack of physical attention he got as a child, but this definitely wasn't the moment to be thinking about his past. What mattered was right now.

“You're holding my hand.” Zoro said in awe. His speech was unlike any way it's ever been before. Sanji had to make an effort not to giggle at it.

“I know, I did it on purpose.” Sanji said back in a sweet tone. Zoro thought he might just die.

“You're beautiful.” Zoro whispered, his eyes full of light.

This time, Sanji couldn't help but snicker. It felt so weird hearing Zoro say something like that, so unnatural. A tiny part of him wanted to reject the statement, that's what it felt like she should do, anyway; but he didn't. Instead, he kept looking at Zoro in an endearing manner, hoping what he was doing was helping. He was so focused on the swordsman that he didn't even realize his own face turning a rosy pink.

“Thanks, moss brain.” Sanji gleamed.

Zoro exhaled sharply and took his hand out of Sanji’s and cupped it over his mouth. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. Sanji’s expression turned to worry.

“Oh my fucking god, I said that out loud?!” Zoro practically yelled.

Sanji started to belly laugh, this situation called for it.

“You most certainly did.” Sanji said through laughter. Zoro looked like he was going to collapse from embarrassment. “Now you have no right to call me a love-sick cook, maybe I’ll start calling you a love-sick swordsman.” Sanji said, jokingly.

“Cook, if you do that I will fucking kill you.” Zoro said, his back facing Sanji. He didn't want to turn around. Although it felt reassuring that Sanji wasn't freaking out about what he let slip, it still happened, and he was still mortified. “I can't believe this is happening.” He whined.

Sanji’s laughter calmed down and he returned to his usual self. This entire day had been a whirlwind, but this was exactly what the chef had hoped for. They were finally talking. Zoro seemed like he was beginning to come to terms with everything. Things were looking up for once.

Sanji put a hand on Zoro’s shoulder and spun him around. Zoro didn't want to acknowledge the flip his stomach did.

“Zoro,” Sanji began. He considered how nice Zoro’s name felt rolling off his tongue. “It's okay, just tell me.” He said as his face went back to the same loving look he had before.

Zoro felt himself melt. There was nothing he could do when Sanji looked like this and when he talked to him like that. Every word felt like it had been drenched in sugar and rolled in stardust. Zoro couldn’t battle if he tried. He'd completely lost and he was okay with it.

Sanji moved his hand off of Zoro’s shoulder and back to his hand. They entangled their fingers in perfect tandem. They both noticed. Neither said anything.

“Sanji,” Zoro choked out quietly.

Hearing Zoro say his name sent a shiver down the cook’s spine, but oddly enough, not a bad one. Sanji grasped Zoro’s hand a little tighter, this seemed to cue something within the swordsman.

“I like you… so much… “like” is probably an understatement, honestly, but I don't want to admit that. I guess I just did but- Jesus christ, I don't know.” Zoro looked like he was trying to say every single thought that was coming to his mind. Sanji just sat and listened, smiling brightly the entire time.

Sanji took note of the difference in Zoro’s confessions. This one felt unprepared and raw, it felt so real. The one he had given while he was drunk was suave and almost seductive, nothing like this at all. Sanji realized he much preferred this one, as his heart beat faster against his chest.

“And I hate that I feel like this over you, I fucking hate it. I don't hate you, obviously, but like, I'm supposed to!” Zoro used his free hand to grab a chunk of his lime hair. “And I know you don't have feelings for me like that because, jesus christ, why would you? But it just feels awful because you don't deserve that and I've just sprung all this onto you and made you deal with it! And I don't even know the first thing about love and romance, I just know that…” He sighed as if he were bracing himself. “I just know that I’m like, in love with you, Sanji.” He panted.

Sanji sat there in awe. He had no idea Zoro was even capable of coming up with that many sentences, let alone saying them. Clearly, he's been holding all this in for a very long time. Sanji’s just grateful that he was able to say everything he needed to. Sanji curled his fingers closer to the back of Zoro’s hand. Their grip on each other’s hands was tighter than it ever had been and neither opposed to keeping it that way.

Sanji felt his face go from pink to red. He knew his hands were getting clammy again but he didn't dare move them away from Zoro. He liked this.

Zoro was breathing heavily at this point. No wonder, he had just talked non-stop for a minute straight, that's enough to take the breath out of anyone. As soon as he realized what he had just done, he nervously looked up at Sanji.

All we could see was admiration and an idiotic curled eyebrow.

“Thank you, Zoro, seriously.” Sanji said with care. “I'm super flattered, honestly. I'm really glad you were able to tell me.”

Zoro thought he might cry and he didn't know from which emotion. Was he embarrassed beyond belief? Thankful that Sanji took it so well? Terrified for the future? All of the above? Whatever it was, he didn't know, but damn was it overwhelming. He couldn't bring himself to respond with anything else but an eyebrow raise and a nod.

Sanji realized what Zoro had just pushed himself to do. He understood the magnitude of it. That was probably harder for him than all his training of the entire week combined. He knew he had to carry on a conversation if he wanted there to still be one.

“And I'm really sorry that… I don’t, y’know, like you back like that..” Sanji felt so terrible saying that to his face. It's not like Zoro didn't know, but being rejected was always tough, even if you see it coming from miles away. Zoro looked like he was about to protest Sanji’s apology, so the chef kept talking before he could.

“But I do not hate you, got that? We fight and do dumb shit all the time but I don't hate you whatsoever.” Sanji stopped and thought about what he was going to say next. He hoped it wouldn't be too big of a step, this conversation had already been a lot to handle.

“And I don't want this to make things awkward again and I'm sure you don't want that either… so… what if like…” This was a lot harder to word out loud than it was to think. “What if we just spend more time together? Like hang out and… stuff. So things won't be weird?” Sanji felt like he was in court trying to plead his case. What was he even saying? Why was he hoping that Zoro would say yes so badly?

Zoro looked starstruck. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't even fathom that this was real. Did Sanji just ask for them to basically become friends? He knows he heard him right but, wow. He never could've seen that coming.

“Y-yeah, sure.” Zoro was able to squeak out, his voice cracking in the process. He wanted to say more, there were so many other things he could've said at this moment, but his body wouldn't let him speak anymore.

Sanji put on a facade that made it seem like he was completely calm and collected and not internally freaking out.

“Cool, I'm glad. Knowing you, that proposition could've gone either way.” Sanji said as he untangled his hand from Zoro’s, and to his own shock, reluctantly.

He stood up and grabbed the empty plate that had previously been home to Zoro’s lunch. He picked up the glass, still half full of booze, and handed it to Zoro.

“I'm assuming you probably need some of this right now, and this time I won't try to stop you.” Sanji said as Zoro quickly ripped the glass from the cook’s grip. Sanji watched as Zoro completely downed the rest of the glass’s contents in one gulp, cringing a bit after swallowing the intense liquid.

“Thanks.” He said with a sigh, still recovering from the small burst of alcohol.

Sanji took the glass back and stacked it on top of the plate. He began to walk towards the door, stopping a foot away from it.

“Thank you again, moss brain.” Sanji flashed an innocent smile his way. Zoro felt cupid’s arrow shoot right through his heart.

“Hopefully I'll see you at dinner tonight!” Sanji called as he waved a hand and walked out the door. Zoro didn't even get a chance to respond, not like he would've been able to anyways.

Zoro sat in complete shock. He couldn't process anything that had happened. He was overjoyed and heartbroken and confused all at the same time. But most of all, he was hopeful. He was hopeful for a future where he and Sanji weren't enemies. He couldn't be 100% sure if this was going to work out, but he was looking forward to trying. All he knew is that he would definitely be at dinner that night.

As Sanji walked back up to the deck, he felt his heart pulsing like it never had before. He couldn't believe that had gone as well as it had. He walked by the rest of the crew on his way back to the kitchen, no one even bothering to ask how Zoro was doing. That was probably for the best, Sanji didn't know if he could try to make up a lie to cover up what just occurred.

The chef pushed the door to the kitchen open and set the plate in the sink, deciding to clean it and the glass after dinner when there’d be more things to wash anyways. As he was about to leave, he stopped in his tracks. His eyes compelled him to the alcohol cupboard, then to the table, and then back to the cupboard. So many things had happened in such a short period, every time he was in here he got a feeling of déjà vu.

He found himself smiling as he thought about everything. He hadn't realized how happy working things out with the swordsman would make him. He knew it would be relieving, sure, but he didn't think he'd actually be looking forward to spending more time with Zoro.

As he walked out of the kitchen and back to his own room, he started thinking up ideas of what they could possibly do together. He hummed the same sweet tune Zoro had caught him singing before, going through the backlogged list of time passers he'd gathered over the years. He mentally scanned each one, getting more and more excited.

He hadn't even realized that the mental list he was currently going through was a compilation of a billion different date ideas.

#zosan #vinsmoke sanji #roronoa zoro #one piece #zoro x sanji #one piece fic #sanji x zoro #black leg sanji #twirlyeyebrows

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twirlyeyebrows · 3 years

Text

How Could I Have Known?

(A Zosan Fic)

Link to Chapter 4!

Ch. 5 - It Could’ve Been Nice

Zoro tried to avert his eyes from the man sitting in front of him, but he wanted to look so bad. He could feel his brain yelling at him to look up into the deep blue pools that were Sanji’s eyes but he knew he had to resist or it'd become obvious that he had fallen hard. He kept his gaze on the wine glass as he tried not to shake as he poured. Sanji tapped his finger on the table, clearly waiting for the swordsman to strike up a conversation. He didn't. He just finished filling the two glasses with the alcohol and slid one over to Sanji without so much as even taking a single look at him. They grabbed their glasses at the same time, lifting them to their mouths and taking their first sip. Sanji sipped his wine properly and gracefully, you could tell that he was savoring the flavor. Zoro on the other hand took one large gulp and swallowed it immediately, cringing the tiniest bit at the warm sensation. Sanji looked at him like he was crazy but it's not like he noticed, he was too busy avoiding any eye contact whatsoever. Sanji picked up his fork and began to eat slowly, pausing every once in a while to sip some more wine or to critique his own cooking in his head. After a few minutes, the silence had grown to be far too tense. “Of course this was going to happen,” Sanji said to himself in his mind. “I mean it's not like I expected anything to come out of this but Christ this is painful. What the hell is going on with him?” Just as he completed his thought Zoro cleared his throat to finally speak. Sanji perked up. He didn't know why and he was instantly embarrassed, quickly reverting to his old “I don't care what you have to say” face but with a little more kindness.

Zoro tore his eyes from his plate for the first time since Sanji sat down. His eyes were avoiding his face but this was still progress. Zoro looked at Sanji’s chest (an instant regret of his). He forced himself to come up with something, anything to say. Then he noticed the cook hadn't taken his light pink Doskoi Panda apron off. He felt his face heat up. He thought the apron was so cute, he always had, even before he knew he liked the man. He decided to say something about that, thanking the universe for giving him an excuse to ogle at Sanji. “You gonna take that off or do you like the way it goes with the color of your shirt?” Zoro said in a confusing tone. It didn't come off like he was making fun of him but it definitely wasn't a compliment, this made things very hard for Sanji when trying to respond. Sanji set his fork down and swallowed whatever food was in his mouth. He grabbed the front of the apron, pulling the fabric out in front of him a little bit as he looked down at it. He chuckled. “I always forget to take this off, honestly. I suppose it's just a habit from wearing it so much at the restaurant.” He said. Zoro laughed out loud. It sounded like his old classic mocking laugh. To Sanji, this was a good sign. If Zoro was making fun of him he couldn't have been doing too bad overall, right? Maybe he was going to get through whatever was going on. “You really wore that at Baratie?! Didn't like, everyone make fun of you?” Zoro asked, his laughter calming down. Sanji smiled as he remembered the snide remarks he constantly received from his coworkers who secretly cared for him. “There wasn't a single day where I wasn't dragged through the mud by those guys. I couldn't care less about them picking on my apron choice.” He responded, taking a sip of wine immediately after.

Add that to the ever-growing list of “Things Zoro didn't realize about Sanji’s past that make him sad”. Of course, he witnessed the other pirates working at the sea restaurant and how they treated Sanji. And of course, Zoro also recognized that they did care about him deep down but damn, that must've been a lot to deal with all those years.

Sanji started to untie the apron from the back, after being called out on it he felt insecure keeping it on while eating. Zoro spoke before he could stop the words from falling out of his mouth. “Wait, no you don't have to take it off, I like it.” Sanji’s hands stopped moving and he stared at Zoro with a face of pure confusion. “You...do…” Sanji replied, extremely skeptical. In his mind, he was thinking of all the ways Zoro was going to turn this into a joke against him. Meanwhile, Zoro felt like he was going to throw up. How could he have let himself say something so stupid like that? He couldn't even imagine how Sanji was feeling right now. He tried to imagine what it would be like watching his fellow crewmate suddenly become nicer and 100x more awkward in the span of a few days. “Fuck I wish I never came in the kitchen that day.” He said to himself.

Right as Sanji opened his mouth to say something else, Nami barged into the kitchen door. Sanji immediately got to his feet and greeted the woman. Zoro has nothing against Nami as a person. Yeah sometimes she got on his nerves and yeah he knew he'd never be able to pay off the debt she's assigned to him but they were good friends and (he'd never admit it but) he kind of thought of her as a little sister. Every once in a while she'd have a moment where she'd remind him so much of Kuina, and he couldn't help but feel a familial bond with her like he did with so much of the crew.

All of those kind feelings instantly went out the door when she talked to Sanji. Nami was never the one to make the advances either, it was always the damn cook, and that's what upset him the most. He felt queasy watching them interact. He felt guilty for being angry at Nami when she hadn't even done anything. He wanted to stand up and push her out back through the kitchen door and take her place. He took a silent breath and tried to rationalize his thoughts. He tried to change all the anger he had for Nami into anger for Sanji (since he was the one actually flirting) but he couldn't seem to. Everything in Zoro’s mind was saying that there was no possible way to be mad at him in any situation. This only made Zoro more annoyed. It wasn't fair to Nami but he couldn't help it either way. He decided to keep his head down, once again not making eye contact and pretending to be overly invested in his meal.

Zoro could've never prepared himself for the words that came out of Nami’s mouth next. Her bright orange hair bounced against her shoulders as she put a hand over her mouth and laughed. “Are you guys actually eating lunch together and not fighting to the death? You're like an old married couple! Have you both finally realized your feelings for each other?” She said with heavy mockery. It was obviously a joke with no actual weight to it but Zoro's face turned beet red. He couldn't see it but he could feel it, he thought he might burn himself if he touched his cheek right now. At that moment the only thing he could think about was the possibility of Nami deciphering his feelings toward the chef. He wouldn't put it past her. She was awfully smart and paid close attention to everyone on the ship (and more than she should've, Zoro is now realizing). Although he couldn't shake these thoughts completely, he concluded that she didn't actually know and had simply made an impeccably relevant joke on accident. Was this mostly to appease his own terrified thoughts? Yes, but that wasn't the point. It was bad enough just hearing Nami make the joke, but Sanji’s response is what would really eat away at him.

Zoro couldn't see Sanji’s face but he didn't need to. He could picture the look of shock and disgust perfectly. Sanji let out a harsh scoff that turned into a nervous laugh. Not a nervous laugh in an “omg you caught me I do love him!!” way, Zoro noted, but in a “why would you even say that that's absurd” kind of way. The swordsman considered plugging his ears for whatever Sanji was about to say next, but he didn't. The last thing he wanted was to draw attention to himself while his face was the same color as Chopper’s hat. He braced himself as the other man spoke. “Feelings? For him?!” Sanji laughed out loud. “Jesus Christ, I have standards y’know!” He said, still laughing. He said it in a joking manner but it didn't feel like that to Zoro. It only got worse as he continued. He heard Sanji laugh again, a sound he usually loved but currently wished more than anything would stop. “Oh my God no… now I'm thinking about it,” He paused to contain himself. “Could you honestly imagine us together? I don't think a worse pair could be made! Regardless of feelings, we'd only ever fight, it would end in a train wreck.” Sanji said every word lightheartedly and fun which Zoro would argue made it even worse.

Is that really what Sanji thought? I mean clearly he did if he just said it. Zoro immediately tuned out the rest of the conversation between the two, only picking up bits and pieces from the cook about how Nami and he would be a great couple. Zoro had never in his life felt like how he did now. It's only been a few days since he's accepted the fact that he has these feelings. He's been hurt by Sanji’s mindless flirting before but it's never been like this. Sanji had never directly mentioned Zoro, especially not like this. He felt the blood rush to his face even more but instead of infatuation it was anger. He could feel his ears ringing. How could he have said something like that without even thinking? Even if Zoro didn't have feelings would it have made the situation okay? Did he genuinely think all they ever did was fight? Is that all he was to Sanji? Zoro’s vision began to cloud as tears pooled in his eyes. The tears were a mix of anger and heartbreak, he could feel them pricking at his eyes trying to fall. Zoro wouldn't let that happen. He could feel knots forming in his stomach and he felt nauseous. He hated how much a simple few sentences could change his mood so fast. He'd finally gotten an opportunity to just be alone with Sanji. A chance to have a normal conversation over lunch that he'd kindly made. All of that was ruined. He couldn't go back to pretending like he didn't hear the comments the cook had made. On the bright side, he didn't have to worry about his eyes wandering over to him because the last thing Zoro wanted to do was look in that direction. Nami and Sanji's words had been long drowned out by this point and he had no idea what was happening behind him. He didn't care. His body was screaming at him to leave the kitchen, this tainted place where things only ever went wrong. For once he didn't try to fight with the voice in his head. He abruptly stood up, trying to suppress his shaking by clenching his fist.

Sanji and Nami both turned to him, not saying anything but looking like they were about to ask a question. Zoro didn't make eye contact, he just faced the wall without acknowledging the other two. “Sorry,” He said in the most monotone voice they'd ever heard. “I don't feel good all of the sudden.” He added a sharp tone to the end of the sentence. He walked over to the wall and grabbed his three swords with one motion. He walked back over to the table and looked at his still half-full wine glass. He picked up it and downed the rest of the alcohol in one gulp. He didn't even flinch.

The other two in the room looked at each other with horror. They would've been idiots to not notice something had upset Zoro. Maybe he did have an upset stomach but there had to have been more to it than that. Sanji felt himself begin to sweat. What had gotten him worked up so fast? Weren't they just enjoying each other’s company...or at least starting to? Nami looked at the cook, exchanging words through eye contact instead of speaking. Her gaze asked, “Did we say something?” Sanji’s eyes widened in response and he gave a little shrug. His heart was racing at this point. He'd been trying so hard the last few days to find a balance between being there for the swordsman and backing off when he clearly needed space. Now he felt like he fucked everything up in a split second; and right as things started looking like they would be alright, no less. He wanted to say something but he considered his chances of saying something Zoro would want to hear. He decided that whatever he said had less than a 1% chance of landing well, so he just kept his mouth shut. His mouth had gone completely dry at this point anyway so even if he wanted to say something, he didn't know if he actually could. All the cook could do was pray this would mull over.

The wine immediately rushing into his system didn't help Zoro with his feelings at all. He couldn't see straight, he couldn't think straight, he couldn't hold himself together. He couldn't stop thinking about how pathetic it was that such a short amount of conversation could make him so upset. Sanji hadn't even talked about him for 20 seconds and Zoro was livid at what he managed to say in that small span. He was upset with Sanji, with himself, and even with Nami who had simply made a snarky joke. He despised the position he was in right now. He knew he was drawing attention to himself. He knew after this outburst that it would be easier than ever to put two and two together. He expected one of them to come to his room later tonight and ask if he likes Sanji. His money was on Nami, considering how little regard Sanji feels towards him, apparently. He decided to cross that bridge when he got there. Right now he honestly couldn't care less. All of his thoughts were a mess in the sea of his brain. The only clear thought was to get the hell out of this kitchen. He turned towards the other two, glaring at the door behind them to not make direct eye contact with either person. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the distressed look on Sanji’s face. Usually, he'd feel bad immediately but this time he almost felt good about it. Like Sanji should feel bad for what he said. He began to walk towards the door but purposefully bumped the cook’s shoulder on the way out. This time he made direct eye contact with Sanji, his eyes searing through the deep blue eyes he always avoided. “I blame you and your shitty cooking.” He snarled, not holding back any of the irritability he was feeling. Holding eye contact for just a single second after, he concentrated his vision back on the kitchen door, craving escape from the tension saturated air. His walk out of the room was calm and suave but if you looked closely you could see his swords shaking from his tight grip. He exited the room and left Sanji and Nami terrified for not only Zoro’s well-being but their own.

#zosan #one piece zosan #sanzo #zosan fic #zoro x sanji #sanji x zoro #one piece fic #one piece #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #black leg sanji #fanfic #twirlyeyebrows

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