#i had to rewrite this bc i accidentally deleted the post instead of

[necrosin]

❝ i said no, didn't i? ❞ naturally he doesn't rise to the occasion or even nip at the bait. she hadn't expected him to, really, she may have even been disappointed if he had, in some morbid, morose sort of way. even the slightest of confrontations in regards to suzaku's outlook on life and constant need to die is similar to taking a stroll through a minefield on a sunny sunday afternoon —— it may be amusing for her, may even bring her joy and contentedness and happiness for the time being, but only wit that constant threat of the world imploding all around her. not that the threat of explosions are especially terrible by any means, but still.

❝ i was managing well enough on my own, ❞ loftily and honestly —— c.c. has time and time again dragged herself from repetitive mockeries of death, anything and everything that could feasibly be concocted or considered or imagined by the terror that is the human mind. she's rather an expert at it, really, whether half her body be torn away or none of it / and A BROKEN LEG is nothing to her, in the grand scheme of things.

still, she acquiesces, makes something of a show of it as she goes, a put upon lingering sigh, the tumble of her hair as she releases it from the piles she had created, cascading all around her as she turns with nothing less than absolute grace half innate and half learned. what was it that priest had said to her so long ago, something about stillness for the sake of modesty and avoidance of temptation? forgive me father for i have sinned, or whatever. hand slides from suzaku's elbow to his wrist, maintaining a dainty ( almost princess-like, and isn't that an ironic thought? ) grip upon his wrist as she perches herself lightly upon a piece of wreckage, broken leg stretching out in front of her, well in the throes of healing. ❝ he's always waiting for me, ❞ a cant of her head, a whisper of an amused lilt, a crooning coo, an implied i'll always go to him. she holds lightly onto his wrist, still, tilts her head back to glance up at the clear skies / feels his pulse beneath her fingers, a muted thing, muffled by the silly flight suits they wear.

a brief glance again, noble profile considered, before she lets her head fall back and back and back ( a metaphorical beheading ; not the worst way to die, really ) tracking the sky and wreckage as she leans and leans. a distant breeze, far off birds, scared away by the sounds and detritus of battle after battle after battle. a witch and a knight —— now that is a tale that never ends well / though c.c. has never been skilled at crafting happy endings. ❝ is it not tiring to only exist living in service to others? ❞ a rhetorical question / she taps her fingers against his pulse before relinquishing her hold on him / wiggles her half healed leg, amused in a distant, macabre, ghastly way by the flash of pain.

❝ —— hmm, i guess it wouldn't be, to you. the ever noble raison d'etre. even coming to my rescue. ❞

C.C. exists as someone / something / what does he know / to set his teeth on edge and force his hand. Or, that's what he thought before — As a Knight of the Round, she was his enemy, the reason for everything beginning again and again no matter how hard he tried to cut the cycle short. Suzaku isn't sure he's ever believed in fate and, unless someone finally tells him he was fated to be a murderer, that will remain true even in the face of a being like her. One that outlives and outwits and outlasts. And it's because of her that Lelouch is——

"Clearly not you," is all he says in reply to her comment, jaw clenching as he bites back any other words that might linger in his throat. No, he doesn't want help. What has he ever done to deserve it? Helping him / Wanting to help people / is what killed Euphie. Who else would even offer him any anymore? He's been offered a future of nothing for himself and peace for all other people. It's enough. Will have to be enough. Suzaku has been hated for so long, he's almost happy, in a morbid way, that he'll 'die' that way too. Ever a pawn and puppet to some grand design. But it's Lelouch's this time, of course — There's not another living person / plan he'd offer up his swan song to so willingly.

Green eyes narrow to a knife's edge. "You won't be walking like that," he glances back up to the mostly calm skies, his own knightmare not far beyond the wreckage of C.C.'s and her prey's. Battle is battle and Suzaku is alive in it — Finding C.C. was easy, he didn't even have to wait for the dust to settle, and peeling off from the main force when the battle is practically over is child's play. He's changed. Geassed soldiers are a necessary sacrifice; If his life has any value, it's only been allotted for these circumstances.

"Can you sit?" For a moment, he almost sounds like his old self: Suzaku tenses his arm to give C.C. a better surface to lean on and starts kicking away debris surrounding her crushed cockpit. Something in him goes on alert when people need him. A flipped switch — His cold heart is a fragmented, almost-nothing, and yet. "I can fly us back once we have the all clear." His gaze flicks back up to the sky. Mostly clear of ships now, but the odd one passes over, scanning for hostile aircrafts. "When we saw you go down—" Suzaku glances back at her, hoping to pull C.C. along with him to at least rest her leg. He almost seems concerned, but the sentiment quickly veils itself under his usual mask of focus, of intent, and underneath the words that he enunciates more clearly than any others, "He'll be waiting for you."

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 11: Angst In My Pants (The Decline And Fall Of Me)

Album two of two in the series of Sparks' immaculate new wave releases! Iconic in every way imaginable from the music to the artwork to ONE music video. I think it's more musically (and lyrically!) varied and mature in tone (besides... a couple exceptions. Yes, an album called Angst In My Pants) than its predecessor, which is a very good development. These songs will leave you chuckling and bopping along and also pondering the intricacies of human existence. Ok, maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but it can't be denied that behind much of the earnestness and theatricality here, there's lots of quite emotional, introspective and thought-provoking stuff to be found.

Thematically, this album goes everywhere. One moment we are in Sextown U.S.A, the next we're visiting Disneyland, California where we make friends among people and animals. On a more serious note though, I think the biggest emotional whiplash one could experience between different songs on an album is between Mickey Mouse and Sherlock Holmes. And yet there's still a very prominent element of humour, even in those songs that are on the more serious or dramatic end of the scale.

I said a few days ago that I'd try to return to the topic of Sparks' brand of humour and how it works, but I don't feel intelligent enough to analyse that today. And I'm pretty sure that from what I've seen, Other People And The Maels Themselves (Said It Better Than Me). So instead, as a little send-off, please remember: if a mouse can be special, well, SO CAN YOU!!! 🫵

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

Angst In My Pants: literally no other song like this one in this world. I can't tell why that is but it's just. So great

I Predict: I had a weird kind of effect where I heard this song in my early days of Sparking and it felt VEEERY familiar to me. I think it was due to the genre / style here, it reminded me of something specific, at first I thought it was very glam rock but I'm pretty sure that this is not it but something else (and I don't know what to call it in that case!). Anyway, banger song

Tarzan And Jane: whoa wait, am I already skipping to the third-to-last song on the tracklist?? I guess I am. This one's great and one of my early favs too (I wonder how long it will take until I run out of things to say about my fav songs and it all just becomes this list of 'it's very good and I like it a lot. next.')

The Decline And Fall Of Me: it's great!! I like it!! And, of course, "check out my pizzas"

Eaten By The Monster Of Love: personal reasons that lead to a printed and framed mini-comic of my making appearing on my desk, which features some of the lyrics of this song, which caused me to have it permanently stuck in my head for a pretty long period of time. And this way I ended up liking it much much more than I did in the beginning, when it still seemed somehow pretty unremarkable to me

[andkisses]

♡ don't play | jake ♡

he’s just teasing–he teases all the time–but now he wonders if you know his secret

♡ jake x gn!reader | wc. 648 ♡ genres/tropes: angst lol; implied college!au ♡ mentions of/warnings: he teases but it’s bc he’s v v much stupidly in love w u; physical non sexual intimacy (it’s sfw) ♡ a/n: this is a rewrite of a fic i wrote and posted in 2020 i think; unfortunately it was eaten up when i accidentally deleted my blog :’) it was originally for kevin from tbz; there's maybe a p2 rattling around my head c;

Jake doesn’t know how he got here, except he does. It’s his fault. He’d been teasing you, joking about taking you on dates, going to fancy dinners, holding doors open for you but in “a romantic way,” whatever that meant. It was so easy to come up with silly scenarios to get under your skin because, well, he’d already thought them out.

What he would do to ask you on a date, your first date together, an outing with romantic undertones. How, after a while of being together, he’d take you to the fancy restaurant of your choice and spoil you. Whatever you wanted, you could have. Doing whatever he could to make you understand how absolutely infatuated–completely whipped–he is for you.

And out here, resting in the grass, watching the stars twinkle above, the words he says don’t feel real or consequential, feel weighty. They just are.

These words, laced with the subtle reality of his true feelings, float up and away without reprimand. He expects you to do what you always do–fake gag or roll your eyes and go, “Yeah, yeah, romantic dates with my bestie Jake. Truly my dream.” Which, over course, always hurt a little bit, a sting straight to his heart. But he always gets to see you smile afterward, and that makes it worth it.

Except, this time, to Jake’s surprise, you don’t. No clapback or witty remark or smile. Instead, you ask if you could prove your seriousness, whatever that meant, and Jake says yeah, sure, anything.

Because he would do anything for you; all you have to do is say the word—

It happens at high speeds and slow motion—somehow both and it’s confusing and intoxicating and it takes Jake’s breath away. In an instant, as if you’ve been planning this from the moment you two had arrived and spread the gingham blanket out on the grass, you’d gone from beside him to on top of him. Your knees secure on either side of his hips, and your hands wrap around his wrists and pin them above his head, your palms hot on his pulse.

Forget stealing just a breath, there’s no breathing at all.

Jake swallows, breath heavy, as you lean down maddeningly close. His mind races with all the other times he’d wanted something like this to occur, every time he’d put thought into being with you. But it would be the other way around, and in a discreet corner at some frat party where the likelihood of blending into the party crowd could cover up his beating heart. Your face is too close now, he can feel your breath fanning against his cheek as you inch towards his ear. Jake is sure this is happening at lightning speeds, but your proximity might as well have slowed time to a stop.

He can’t help but wonder, is this how you feel when he teases you?

Your words are hot against his left ear, your lips barely missing his skin. It makes him shiver. “Don’t play with me, Jake. Don’t break my heart. Don’t be stupid.” With each sentence, you squeeze against his wrists, and Jake can actually feel his own heart shattering into a million pieces just for you, just for the chance to do anything for you.

How can he be brave enough to make you understand?

But he can’t even breathe, let alone talk to you about how serious he is. That he means everything he says. That it’s not a joke. Not even after you’ve returned to your spot beside him, pointing out where Orion is amongst the other thousands of glassy night stars, does Jake feel normal or okay or like teasing or telling the truth.

With the hot warmth of your body gone, still stuck in the faint cloud of your perfume, the stars are too distant and too dizzying to focus on.

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

I accidentally posted smth on ao3 instead of drafting it. I had to FUCKING DELETE IT BC I CAN’T TAKE IT BACK. All I wanted to do was make it a draft! I wanted to say “take this away from the public eye & save it as a draft instead” but NO I HAD TO DELETE IT! I have the actual text saved but now I need to rewrite all of my tags & redo the ratings & categories & stuff & fuck I just want to cry. I’m struggling to mush to even write this post in a comprehensive way w/o too many spelling & grammar mistakes why the hell did my doctor lower my dosage??? I needed it & maybe while I’m on less adhd stimulants he could have upped my anti depressants bc I’m doing terribly emotionally w/o them. bitch what the fuck please just let me be normal. Who the hell says adhd is a super power? I was just trying to make a fun little work not rewrite all of my tags & stuff. I’m typing so much just to distract myself from cutting but now my post is so long & getting off track & I can’t think coherently how in crows do I write a conclusion? I hate it & if my doctor won’t give me the stimulants I need I’m turning to street drugs. Maybe cocaine is good enough a stimulant to make me normal. Crows fuck.

[timandlucy]

Prompt List

I have been getting a lot of questions about whether I got your prompts, whether I’m filling them, and so on. Because I take creative liberty with which prompts to take, I will compile a list of all of them that are on my to-do list. If yours is not on the list, you can try to send it in again, but I’d just like to point out 2 things:

I no longer take post 4x17 prompts, and the 4 I had in my askbox were deleted. I’m sorry, I don’t know how else I can write it without being repetitive. Me writing another s4 fic comes with very low probability.

I don’t take prompts that are for other One Chicago couples. Which means no Man*stead or Ste*llaride or Daw*sey or Bur*zek. Sorry. I just don’t feel any of these couples enough to write them.

Bellow the read-more will be my current ridiculously long list of prompts.

•  jay and erin trapped/abducted/alone in a prison like situation?

•  “You’ve been there for me before” missing scene

•  A fic that takes place right after the episode of 3x15 or 3x19.

•  Prompt idea: Lindsay gets injured on the job and doesn't tell anyone because she doesn't think it's that bad until something happens and they all find out.

•  Can we pretty please get a fic of Jay's jaw on the floor thanks to erin's dress??? I need this more than air i swearrrr. If you don't take requests i get it. Hope you have a lovely day :)

•  Please do a prompt about jay being the one in the room instead of Antonio when erin was yelling for the suspect to shoot her in 2x22 and him trying to calm her down when she runs away when Voight appears

•  I know you probably have a zillion of prompts to fill, and I can't wait to read every single one of them. I apologise in advance for adding to your list, but I'd love to read a story set just after Linstead rekindle in season 3 - the fire alarm goes off in Jay's building, and after having been naughty naughty, the two end up outside in very little - which causes Jay's elderly neighbours to gossip and wonder if they're back together?

•  The Man Slut scene and how after it may have been a way for Jay and Erin to have a light conversion with everything else going on in their lives.

•  Hey I was wondering if you’d write this as a fic ( I’m not sure if your taking prompts) Jay and Erin show PDA in front of their friends but not full on just cute fluff but everyone’s just surprised even though they know their dating but they forget because there just do professional at work

•  Can you do a fic about young Jay right when he gets into the unit? We saw how Ruzek/Atwater/Burgess got treated in their initial days so I think it would be cool to see the banter/tricks Jay goes through at first :) (also this might be shown on Fire bc I’m pretty sure that’s where his character is introduced?? I don’t watch fire so idk). If you don’t like the idea, maybe do one that shows his transition from army to police. Like at the academy or something!! Love your writing :)

•   I know you have tons of requests but just incase any of these catch your eye I'd love them! 1. Erin getting drugged on a bust and struggling with it and of course jay is there for her 2. Jay accidentally hits Erin and hurts her while having a nightmare or just in another accidental way 3. Erin having a scary allergic reaction and jay being here for her!

•  i'm not sure if you take requests but i saw this prompt earlier that was "you love her don't you" "is it that obvious" and i was just wondering if you would write a fic from the teams perspective about jay being obvious about being in love with erin and they like all say something to him and then at the end someone says that quote to him and he says the obvious thing and they responds "it's ok she's in love with you too" thanks:))

•  *** This is on the backburner, which means I'm not sure about it, but maybe *** Omg! Can you please, please do a rewrite of the end of season four with this scenario of Jay being the one that spirals. This is what I have thought would have happened too if Sophia hadn't left, and I've been waiting for someone to do it justice. Either way, you're an amazing writer, and I wish you wrote for the show. Have a wonderful day, you deserve it!

•   i don't know if you do requests or not but could you write a fic about adam and kevin's perspective during the whole scene and maybe trying to help get them back together? love your writing so much:)

•   I love your writing would you ever consider doing a continuation fic based around either 1x10 or 1x07? they were both angsty and I didn't like how either was handled.

•   Hey just wanted to say that I love your writing, it's amazing. And I was wondering if you could do a fic, where instead of Erin and Jay "cooling it" in season 2, they decide to go and come clean to Voight together. And it goes surprisingly well, and then it could get all fluffy and maybe even smutty after that...If not that's cool, I understand, I just had to at least tell you that I really enjoy your fics, hope all is well.

•  Do you take requests? If so, could you do one before Erin and Jay got together and Jays at Mollys with the guys and they're teasing him for liking her? Love your blog btw:)))

•  Okay but like can I request a fic? If you can manage it I'd love a linstead fic where Erin is the one that works in Intelligence and Jay has some other job (like idk a teacher or something else that's "normal"). He still has the same military background though. I imagine that "normal" former military Jay would be 9999999x more worried about his lady knowing that he's not there watching her back on the job but also JUST as proud & loving the fact that she's such a badass babe. Clearly I need help