#i had this in my drafts since forever waiting for the moment my rewatch would get to this ep

[mrinafria]

Just last night I was sitting there going through my edit drafts, and I looked at this scene, to notice all these things Seon Jae does before/during the live radio call.

Really wasn't going to write about OG Seon Jae after my last post on him. I never knew I had such a masochistic side to me until Lovely Runner because all I've done since this show started is go back to rewatch episode 1-4, over and over and over and over again as if this was a hell loop I created for myself.

There's hope, anticipation, a bit of excitement too. He will hear her voice. Again. He will get to talk to her. For the first time. Yeah. The OG Seon Jae never got to talk to Im Sol. He admired her, crushed on her, liked her, observed her, tried whatever he could as a 19yo to save her, but he never, ever got to talk to her. This is the very. first. time. he's able to have a conversation with her.

But she doesn't pick up. And he has to put a leash on his emotions in those few seconds because this version of Ryu Seon Jae stopped showing his true emotions long back. Ah, this was the only chance I had. I wish I could talk to her. I wish I could hear her voice. I wish I could know how she's been doing. Just once. Just this one time.

He introduces himself using his name. Not along with his band name, which is the usual practice, mind you. And a very little pause before going "Do you know me?"

Sometimes when you long for a person, crave for their voice, their smile, their presence in your life and your world, you desperately want to be present in their world too, no matter how trivial your presence or your existence might be to them. Seon Jae hoped she would remember; even if she didn't consider him her savior (which he never thought he was) he desperately wanted some semblance of familiarity in her voice, even if it was out of nothing but resentment. Maybe even something as painful as How dare you call me.

And she does share her resentments, not towards Seon Jae the 19yo boy who she doesn't remember, but Ryu Seon Jae the idol, along with everyone present there, for putting her through this misery, triggering her worst trauma and twisting the knife in her wound that has already driven her to the brink of ending it all. Everyone is uncomfortable here, except for this one guy. He's back to reliving that incident that forever changed her life, his life and brought them to this moment here. He is reminded of just how big of a failure he is, for failing this one person he never wanted to fail. He is reminded how a moment of indecision/inaction on his part led to the person he loves the most to be this miserable. In this moment above, you look at him and realize it's no longer Ryu Seon Jae; it's the 19yo Seon Jae, the one at the reservoir, the one who kept chanting mianhae to an unconscious Im Sol, the one who waited on that bench while she underwent surgery--clutching on to the watch in anguish as if that was the only thing keeping him from falling apart--the one who stood by her hospital door, listening to her screams while shattering into a million pieces inside. It's the 19yo Seon Jae who would be haunted by her screams and live for the remainder of his brief life in extreme guilt and regret mixed with intense longing, until he meets his untimely demise on that fateful night.

I often wonder if he could sense it from her voice on the call. Just how close she was to the edge, how she was probably going to do something that very day right after the call ended. Was it because he felt her pain as if it were his own? You see him springing to action right when we think it's over, as if he is desperate to help her, any. way. he. can. You see how restless his eyes get all of a sudden? He likely wants to say so many things to her. Sol-ah, I'm glad to hear your voice. Sol-ah, I'm sorry. Sol-ah, I hope you are okay. Sol-ah, I'm grateful you are here. Sol-ah, I'm really sorry I couldn't do better. I'm so sorry I failed to wake you up. I'm sorry I let you miss your stop. I'm sorry I didn't reach you sooner. I'm sorry I couldn't be more careful. You can hate me all you want. I'll live the rest of my life being sorry to you. You don't have to forgive me. I'm fine as long as you're okay, you're fine, you're happy. Sol-ah, I miss your smile. I miss the sound of it. I miss knowing you're happy somewhere, even if I am nowhere in your somewhere. Sol-ah, thank you. Sol-ah, please, please live.

But oh, he can't say any of that to her now. So all he says is "Thank you, for living. The ones by your side will thank you for that". And yes, he means himself.

He wanted to be the umbrella she once was to him, the gift she has been to him all his life, both literally and figuratively. And because Ryu Seon Jae is a person who will receive the affection/love you give with the utmost appreciation, increase it 10x more and return it to you gift-wrapped with sparkly ribbons, he chooses to be her umbrella this way, the only way he can.

He wanted to pull her out of the reservoir, literally and figuratively, so she could live. He didn't mind spending all his life stuck in that reservoir himself.

This was supposed to be a response to @thedeathdeelers rewatch post here and as usual, it ended up being a mess of feels (why do I even try really) I swear atp I feel like we're the same person watching feeling the same things lmao. You, don't ever shut up about this show please :')

p.s. I love writer Lee Si Eun for ultimately wanting to save THIS OG Ryu Seon Jae, and therefore initiating the memory flashback with pieces from this timeline. Although my heart will forever ache for this OG boy, it finds some comfort in that.

[zero2heroyesindeed]

So Tangled the series ends in just a few hours.

What can I say about this show, this wonderful wonderful show. I still remember my reaction to that first promo image in 2015 and being excited since this was the first Disney movie to series spin off in years and with how much the landscape of tv animation had changed in that time (much more focus on overarching stories and continuous, in-depth character arcs) it would no doubt be interesting to see. I remember everyone HATING that the hair was back but I didn’t mind as long as it made sense and was part of a good story and OH MY WAS IT PART OF A GOOD STORY.

Tangled the series is a show that somehow feels like it’s been around forever yet also feels like it’s not been around long at all. I watched Before Ever After the day it came out and same with What the Hair. A few months later I binged from Rapunzel’s enemy to Max’s enemy and fell in love with this show. The stunning art style and flowing animation, the respect and attention put into making the returning characters feel exactly as we remember them while also perfectly integrating every new character flawlessly into the world. The show completely eclipsed the original movie in every possible way in my opinion. And it only got better the further we got into this story and lore.

Instead of continuing on about how amazing this show is and how grateful I am for it’s existence as both a Disney obsessed teen and animation fan and I just wanna sing the praises of the crew, there are countless posts more we’ll put together than mine that accomplish that. So what i’m gonna do is instead throw it all the way back to the first season and go in chronological order and pin point the 10 most important moments in the series as a fandom. These are not the most emotional or impactful moments, just things that were a huge deal in the fandom.

1: Life After Happily Ever After

The first ever real impression of the series we got and an indication of what a ride we would be in for. Bringing in Alan Menkin to continue writing the music showed just how far this show was going to go to create the most faithful continuation as possible. It was also the introduction to our precious Cass and showed Eugene getting ready for the first of many proposals we would see throughout the series.

2: Eugene and Rapunzel talk after the coronation disaster

Who could ever forget when Rapunzel and Eugene officially became the most developed and healthy Disney couple. This was basically the moment most people fell in love with the series and it���s not hard to see why. Tangled the Series wasn’t just cute Princess hijinks with some action thrown in, it took it’s characters and their relationships seriously in a way now Disney show had ever done up to that point and could be mature. Rapunzel asking Eugene to be patient with her to this day still gives me chills and showed the direction this show was taking Rapunzel’s character and we were all along for the ride.

3: Rapunzel dreams of Gothel

OOH BOY this moment. While the fandom was still relatively small by this point this moment sent everyone into an absolute frenzy. While Before Ever After featured mentions of the Sun Flower and the King’s ptsd of losing Rapunzel, this was when the flood gates opened for all the angst and tears. Rapunzel’s trauma of the tower and Gothel’s treatment of her were not gonna be glossed over, they would be explored in excruciating detail which to this day is still one of the greatest elements of the series. Just because Gothel is gone doesn’t mean the 18 years of abuse she put Rapunzel through magically heals (pun intended).

4: Varian’s introduction

I don’t even need to say anything for this one. It’s Varian. (gonna be honest. It is 3am in my corner of the globe and I am struggling to find the energy to keep writing this much, so we’re just gonna rush through the rest of these).

5: Big Brothers of Corona/ aka Eugene is a perfect human being

This was the episode that cemented Eugene as one of my favourite Disney characters of all time. I can not count how many times I have rewatched the ending to this one alone. But it was also a fantastic episode for developing Lance’s character and integrating him as part of the shows main cast moving forward despite this only being his second appearance. Also I forgot how small Red and Angry (or the girls formally known as Red and Angry) were.

6: You promised!

This is still my favourite callback to the movie the show ever did. To me Rapunzel saying she never breaks a promise in the original movie feels out of place. Like Rapunzel keeping her promises was going to be a huge part of the story early in development and that line is just a reminant of that draft that should’ve really been taken out. But I don’t care because it gave us this beautiful moment. Also this moment cemented Nigel as my most hated character on the show.

7: “Difficult decisions are what make us who we are”

I can’t with this scene and just how brilliant this episode was at dealing with the fall out of Queen For a Day and how crucial it was to Rapunzel’s character development in retrospective. Everything she has done in season 3 and every action she has taken can be tied back directly to what she learned in this moment. If that ain’t good story telling then I don’t know what is.

8: The Tower Falls

I’m just gonna say it. This is my favourite scene from the series. Everything in this moment is perfection. The music, the staging, the visuals, the emotion. It all builds to an absolutely devastating climax as Rapunzel watches her childhood home crumble to the ground leaving behind one pieces of the walls she used to paint on. If wanna frame the moment Rapunzel starts tearing up as the tower collapses and display it on my mantle because I love it so much.

9: Rapunzel reaches her limit

I couldn’t finish this episode for hours after seeing this first scene. Rapunzel finally took a stand against her father and I was just making inaudible gasps throughout my first time watching it. Then there’s that bombshell at the end where Raps compares her father’s actions to that of Gothel’s that never fails to shake me to my very core no matter how many times I rewatch it.

10: Ready As I’ll Ever Be

What? We’re you expecting the biggest song this show was turned out to not make the list? I mean it was the first time Tangled the series was able to get the attention of those outside the fan base and hooked so many people into checking the show out. This was the moment Tangled the series just left the movie in the dust and from there it just kept pushing further and further with each season.

Not really sure how I should end this. I am very emotional and very tired but I refuse to go to sleep. I am staying up until this finale drops because I am not going to go to sleep knowing i’ll wake up in a world where Tangled the Series is over. This show is a once in a lifetime experience that is in my top 5 television shows of all time. It might not have had the legacy of Phineas and Ferb or the popularity of Gravity Falls but it had so much love, energy and passion behind it and you can tell everyone making this show loved it just as much as we did. I’ll probably end up doing lists like this for season 2 and 3 when I get around to binging the entire Tangled franchise (which will probably be around Summer).

Thank you to the indescribably talented crew of writers, animators, designers, and directors (and I am so sorry if I missed any other positions out but you are all so amazing). Thank you Mandy and Zach for giving your voices to Rapunzel and Eugene and letting us explore their life after Happily Ever After and letting their journey continue. Thank you Eden, Jeremy and James for bringing life to Cass, Varian and Lance who expanded the world of Tangled and felt like perfect additions to the main cast. Thank you Alan Menkin and Glen Slater for continuing to write phenomenal music and putting in your all for something you clearly didn’t even need to do in the first place. Every piece of music for this show has left me breathless (and not just from belting Waiting in the Wings to myself). This 3 year Journey has been simply sensational and I can’t wait to see how it all ends.

Next stop anywhere!

[buffynha]

Naya Rivera: A Film Critic’s Appreciation of a TV Star

https://medium.com/@tomcendejas/naya-rivera-a-film-critics-appreciation-of-a-tv-star-8857ddf4e69

Naya Rivera: A Film Critic’s Appreciation of a TV Star.

I was much older than the target demographic for ‘Glee’, but I watched it semi-faithfully for these reasons: A) the intentionally diverse casting and primetime representation of many marginalized groups B) the clever reinvention and integration of pop songs and C) Naya Rivera.

Truth be told, since the show could be so wildly uneven, Rivera was often the ‘A’ reason I tuned in, always hoping she’d get a scene or a number.

Naya Rivera portrayed Santana, the tart-tongued (to put it mildly) captain of Glee’s cheerleading squad. By casting an Afro-Latina actress in the part, the show’s producers were already trouncing on stereotypes; by the year of the show’s debut, curtly dismissive cheerleaders were a staple of teen-centered entertainment, but they were usually white and hetero. As the show progressed, Santana fell for her teammate Brittany, came out to her family and friends, graduated from high school, tried to make her way in the big city, and eventually married Brittany. As a queer Latinx young woman with entrenched defense mechanisms, the character of Santana had to bear a lot of ‘representation’ duty, like an extended cheerleading ‘shoulder sit.’ But here’s the thing: Naya Rivera made it all seem as if it were as easy as a pony-tail toss.

Re-watching the early episodes, with Santana barely getting a cutaway, it’s easy to believe Ryan Murphy that the producers didn’t realize the size of talent they had on their hands when they first cast her. Rivera didn’t so much fight for more screen time as her talent compelled it, willed it. She’s mostly background in the first few episodes, until Santana and Brittany (Heather Morris) get drafted by Jane Lynch’s villainous cheer coach Sue Sylvester (the show does not lack for antagonists) to infiltrate the new Glee club and destroy it from within. From her earliest numbers and ultra-snippy encounters with the other kids, Rivera’s Santana starts to steal scenes.

This wasn’t just a function of the writing and directing. In fact, as clever, campy, sincere and delectably witty as ‘Glee’ could be (rewatching it this week, I chuckled at lots of throwaway lines) it could also be clumsy and over-reliant on whimsy and parody, sometimes in the same scene. In order to make the repeated point that Santana was caustically tough on the outside because she was hiding deep anxiety on the inside, the writers gave her so many withering and cruel things to say that emotional reality was often sacrificed on the altar of ‘Bitchy Quirkiness’ and frankly, because you imagined the writers were cracking themselves up at the saltiness of their latest insult. (Some were classics; too many of them hung on the lower rungs of humor, including easy body function jokes.)

But here’s the next thing: no matter how ridiculously florid the abuse Santana hurled at a classmate or teacher, Naya Rivera delivered the lines with alacrity and impeccable timing. And that’s what really made me sit up on my sofa and take notice.

Here was an actress who seemed to have the range of the marquee women from Hollywood’s ‘Golden Age’ of the 30s and 40s. The tumble of words the ‘Glee’ writers gave her didn’t faze her; she could deliver them with the rapid screwball comedy chops of Rosalind Russell or Jean Arthur. In an era of more tentative, introspective actors, Rivera had the steely drive of Bette Davis or Joan Crawford. Her larcenous way with a wry line was reminiscent of the great character actress Thelma Ritter; her ‘brassiness’ recalled Joan Blondell; the blaze in her eyes felt like the one emanating from Ida Lupino. (The comparisons had a visual equivalent — Rivera’s red-carpet personal style often favored form-fitting pencil skirts, modern iterations of a forties ‘dame.’)

Probably no greater compliment I can give is to say Rivera reminded me of the legendary Barbara Stanwyck. Able to navigate romantic comedy, drama and detective noir with husky-voiced fervor, Stanwyck could be devastating when she was furious yet hard to resist when she worked her charms. She was slight of figure but imposing of presence. Rivera had those cinematic assets as well. Because she started as a child actor, on ‘The Royal Family’ and especially on the great ‘The Bernie Mac Show’, by the time she got to ‘Glee’ she knew how to work a camera, as self-possessed and confident in her talents as Stanwyck was. Why this is important is that when an actor is too self-critical or tentative, we get uncomfortable or pulled out of the story. Reading testimonials from her cast mates (Chris Colfer says he sometimes was so in awe of her performance he’d forget he was in the scene with her) we see they also marveled at her self-assurance, and Rivera cannily used it to make Santana both poised and poignant.

Where Naya Rivera carved out her own space, different from most of our past silver-screen sirens, is that she could sing, and she was Afro-Latina, multi-racial, far from the whites-only casting of the Warner Brothers and MGM eras. That meant something to me; as a Chicano man of a certain age, I can remember times when I was a kid when my family would count all the ‘Latin’ movie stars we could think of and we often stopped literally with the fingers of one hand.

As someone who studies and loves writing about film, my head was nearly scratched raw from trying to figure out why Naya Rivera wasn’t swooped up from ‘Glee’ by the 2010s studio gatekeepers and given the chance to be a film superstar in vehicles that were worthy of her, bypassing the B-movie stage. She didn’t even get the big-screen ‘best friend’ parts in Hudson or Witherspoon rom-coms, which is what actresses of color with comic chops were often relegated to in the 2000s. Why this oversight happened, and I’m sure there’s a lot of background showbiz politics and personal reasons as to why, the result is we were denied someone who could have been a major screen star and given us the pleasure of an above-the-title, singing-dancing-acting triple-threat. If Rivera had been white, the big-screen star-making machinery would have overcome all obstacles to not just take a risk on her, but bet on her.

It really felt like Naya Rivera could do it all. Stanwyck and Davis had formidable talents, but singing wasn’t considered one of them, so that made Rivera a modern-day extension of their bravura, as though they’d been reincarnated in a child actress who was bristling at the confines of Disney channel and tv screens.

And Rivera had that voice! Some of us have our own version of a sort of ‘opposite ASMR’; we derive pleasure from singers who have a husky rasp in their voice, and rather than whisper, know how to belt. In this regard, Naya Rivera was a godsend. It gave her the ability to tackle songs associated with Tina Turner and Amy Winehouse and Stevie Nicks, no small feat. Yet Rivera could also narrow the grit in her wide voice to just a few flecks of hurt and hope, as in the poignant moment when she confesses her love to Brittany in a plaintive version of Christine McVie and Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Songbird.’ (This will sound like sacrilege to other Fleetwood Mac fans — I’ve seen the band in concert many times — but I just never really responded to McVie’s performance of her song except in cool, admiring ways. But I found Rivera’s vulnerable cooing of the song transfixing.)

Rivera’s musical performances on ‘Glee’ traversed many genres, but nothing seemed to catch her off-guard. I enjoyed many of the singers on ‘Glee’ —the show had over 700 musical numbers! — but if Rivera was given the lead, you knew you were about to get a showstopper, complete with signature focus, considerable ebullience and precision as a dancer. These gifts were captured best when ‘Glee’s’ hyper-active camera and editing stood still and just let her perform.

Rivera tackled Turner’s ‘Nutbush City Limits’ with ferocity. It’s too bad that the way she was filmed — with the aforementioned slice-and-dice, even leering editing — forever leaves us with a case of ‘what might have been.’ We get precious snippets of seeing Rivera singing, while the musical filming style of ten years ago, influenced by ‘Moulin Rouge’ and ‘Chicago’, attempts to whip us into an erotic frenzy with close-ups of halter-top abs and pom-pom zooms. This was a shameful miscalculation, because it has the opposite effect. If the camera had just stood planted and simply recorded the performance, Naya Rivera would have delivered the sexual fire and then some.

The best musical numbers with Rivera showcase all her talents — the ability to act out a lyric, the Fosse-flavored choreography, and a singing voice alternately tender and roof-raising. Her performance of Winehouse’s ‘Valerie’, in which she gets to ditch the ‘Cheerios’ uniform and stomp the stage in a party frock stands out as one of ‘Glee’s’ best and most effortless songs overall — it really looks like a romp that captures teenage brio and which would be electric to see live. (Later in the show, when Rivera sings ‘Back to Black’, you even got a glimpse that, as criminal as it might seem to suggest to purists, there’s a helluva Amy Winehouse jukebox Broadway musical waiting in the wings somewhere, and Rivera could have easily been its star.)

As commanding as Naya Rivera could be as a solo singer, her duets were full of a delicious tension. The job in a duet is to share the scene as democratically as possible while still bringing out the best in your partner and elevating the song. These were skills many in the cast had, though they occasionally had to juggle the meta-element that when the show became a phenomenon, the behind-the-scenes who-likes-who, who-hates-who gossip that fascinated early social media audiences could be at odds to the show’s scripted plot (though it seems the show’s creative team also deliberately worked the real-life stuff into the fictional stuff. A notable example of this was when Rivera and Lea Michele, who were rumored and since confirmed to be clashing backstage personalities — and as recent reports show, Rivera wasn’t the only one to find Michele difficult — sing a sweet song called ‘Be Okay’, almost as though they were ordered to by the network. Both are thoroughly professional, and by the end you don’t just think that maybe Santana and Rachel are really friends, but that Rivera and Michele had buried all their hatchets in a Fox studio wall as well.)

The duet partner for Santana I liked best was provided by one of ‘Glee’s’ other volcanic vocalists, Amber Riley. As Riley has since shown in her London West End role as Effie in ‘Dreamgirls’, and in TV productions of ‘The Wiz’ and ‘The Little Mermaid’, she is a formidable talent. Yet watch one of their songs together, ‘The Boy is Mine’, and see if your eyes don’t want to stay just watching Rivera’s performance in its entirety?

To see a more dynamic and perfectly matched dual performance, ‘Glee’ gave us the galvanic gift that is Amber Riley and Naya Rivera alternating and harmonizing into their own ‘wall of sound’ on the Tina Turner classic, ‘River Deep Mountain High.’ Turners vocals on the original are so singular, nothing can touch them. Just the way she crests the first line with a jagged crag in the middle of a note lets you know this is going to be sung from a place of both ache and power.

The ‘Glee’ version leans into the power angle. Santana and Mercedes brim with the ‘girlpower’ term used at the time, the youthful brio of being able to dream of scaling mountains. The choreography then counter-points and really gets it right by giving the singers the dance moves reminiscent of 60s girl-groups, and while it starts out sort of cute and ironic, by the end the choreography becomes mature and electrifying. When Riley sings the first verse, she has gospel runs and exquisite phrasing. She could easily overwhelm anyone. Rivera’s choice is to find her own place to put the appealing but melancholy cracks in her voice, harmonize beautifully, and then release her own blasts of power. The performance says more about ‘empowerment’ than pages of script could. ‘River Deep Mountain High’ is also notable for giving Rivera a chance to be charming in ways she usually didn’t get to be with all her ‘mean girls’ posing; when they get to the part about the ‘rag doll’, both singers mug, but Rivera’s brief clownishness when acting out that rag doll is unexpectedly loose and charming.

Of course, the journey for Santana on the show, and you’ll find many ‘Glee’ fans and pop culture critics who will argue that the show ultimately was about Santana, crucially centers on the classic ‘finding your voice’ view of young adulthood, and central to that, the relationship between Santana and Brittany. Nearly any news or lifestyle site of the past week that had a space for pop culture featured the heartbroken, deeply affected voices of many lesbians and queer people writing about the deep connection they felt towards the relationship and the visibility and identification it gave them.

Of more than passing interest, depending on how transgressive you thought of it, was the pairing between an Afro-Latina character and a white blonde cheerleader who could have stepped out of the background of a Taylor Swift video. Think of where we were in 2009 and that still would have been pushing boundaries. (The show was one of the first to normalize same-gender kisses.)

In Rivera’s scenes with her non-accepting Abuela (the great Ivonne Coll), she is as real as it gets — not only deeply hurt, but uncomprehending in the way so many gay kids can be when they are rejected simply because of their orientation. “But I’m the same person I was a minute ago.” One can imagine these scenes (and the contrapuntal ones between Kurt and his more accepting father) provided a lifeline to young queer people themselves caught up in the process of making decisions about how to come out, and in particular, to Latinx queer people, who found representation and resources hard to come by and certainly not in the media.

And in real life, Rivera, who did not identify as gay, proved to be a significant ally. She responded to queer fans, particularly young women, and she represented by hosting the GLAAD media awards, advocating for The Trevor Project and by speaking responsibly and articulately about what her fans had confessed to her.

The way the show frequently featured LGBTQ imagery was playful and willful. They weren’t representing all queer women; they were representing these two using a particular transgressive iconography. Teen lesbian cheerleaders weren’t invented with ‘Glee’; the queer film ‘But I’m a Cheerleader’ was released in 1999. But by keeping Santana (as well as the other ‘Cheerios’) in their squad outfits 24/7, Rivera started to look like it wasn’t just her cheer attire, it was her superhero uniform. You have your masked and fully-covered marvels; here was a fearless teen titan in sleeveless emblematic mini-skirt cutting through the hallways. Her superpowers? A withering glare that could refreeze the Arctic, an ability to shoot insults like a laser beam, and a pinkie-finger-linking with Britney that could heal your heart. Most of all, a voice that could fill a canyon and fleet feet that could leap over all calamity.

Until she couldn’t. When superheroes die, mere mortals look to the sky and feel, perhaps unreasonably but still undeniably, abandoned. Shocked, stunned, grievous. We look backward, because looking forward has just been removed as an option, and the realization of what will never be is too excruciating.

I couldn’t figure out what happened to Naya Rivera after ‘Glee’, given my hopes and expectations. She released quite a catchy single, ‘Sorry’, and later a memoir, ‘Sorry (Not Sorry.’) I didn’t realize she had joined a new show, the Youtube continuation of the ‘Step Up’ series, but now I do and she’s terrific in it. But to those of us who dropped our eyes from her a bit, I just remember it was because it seemed like there was tabloid stuff, personal tumult, a few seemingly misguided appearances or comments here or there. I was a hopeful, hopeful fan of her talent, not slavish to any TMZ notorieties — but those great female stars of the 30s and 40s? They were no strangers to splashy headlines either.

When I did watch ‘Turner Classics’ or my library of DVDS with some of those ‘Golden Age’ actresses, more than a few times I’d think of Rivera, search IMDB to see if she was getting that Oscar-worthy role yet. Or when there were increasing public discussions that called for better representation of people of color in media, I’d think: Naya Rivera! What’s she doing now? Why isn’t she in a big movie, headed for her superstardom? How did Hollywood’s famously white-screen blindness eclipse even gifts this generous?

So I’d check in the way we do now, with her IG feed or in passing hear about the occasional tweet. There would be a picture of her beauty, sometimes posed in the ‘sexy’ currency that builds and keeps ‘followers’ entranced and ‘promotes content.’

But occasionally Naya would post a picture with her son Josey, who she eventually was raising as a single mom. As many of her followers saw, in those fateful days of early July, I ‘liked’ a beautifully tender picture with Mom and Josey, eyelash close, captioned ‘Just the two of us.’ It seemed so peaceful. This must be what she wants to be doing, I thought. Happy for her. One of the miracles of ‘Glee’ was how they put on hour-long musicals once a week for six years, with 18-hour days. Who could begrudge anyone some rest after that?

But selfishly I also still wanted that album, that movie, that new film directed by her, something more from the force of nature that is, was, Naya Rivera and I gave more than a passing thought that with today’s reckonings, with greater sensitivity to the racism that undergirded so many institutions, the world would finally open up to her in the way it did for so many white actresses before her. It was her time.

Until it wasn’t.

That’s hard to reconcile. We’re supposed to say, as fans from afar, our grief is nothing compared to that of her family, friends, cast mates and of course that’s true. But it’s also true that the grief of a fan is not nothing. Those of us who didn’t know her personally, but were in awe of her talent, shouldn’t shut feelings of loss down. I think it honors Naya Rivera to mourn publicly the way so many fans have, ‘Gleeks’ or not. She was someone who had such hard-won achievement yet still such potential. And for some reason, the power brokers that be didn’t see it or find a place for it in time. We can grieve that mistake, and that which can’t be brought back or won’t be left as a long-career legacy.

That someone with so much soulful presence could suddenly disappear from this earth, at a time when we are all so careful not to lose each other, was wrenching. In consolation, I turned to a lot of Rivera’s performances from the show, though now of course they all carry a melancholy, stinging twinge. (For more on this, just look at the many comments on the pages where the videos are originally posted.)

You hear Naya Rivera sing Winehouse, and it’s hard not to think of how they both died young. You see her love for Brittany acted so convincingly, you think about Heather Morris, the actress who played her and wonder how she will weather this — thoughts that are none of your business, but you still have them. I found myself thinking of Kevin McHale who played ‘Artie’ on the show, and who seems so clear-headed; what would he say? You read Chris Colfer’s tribute to her and shed more than a few tears. You hear her sing ‘If I Die Young’ in tribute to Corey Monteith, and you recall that Rivera’s body was finally found on the day that Monteith died. It’s a lot.

There’s a memorable moment in the early run when Monteith’s Finn stops Santana in the familiar Glee alley of lockers and linoleum. She’s annoyed that he has outed her, and indeed he’s done her wrong. But the character is also written as sincere. Finn’s logic may be that of a teenager’s but he tells Santana that he didn’t ‘out’ her to hurt her, but to help her realize that she would still be accepted. He’d heard of someone who recorded an ‘It Gets Better’ video but later killed himself. He doesn’t want that to happen to her; ‘you mean something to me.’ He tells her that if something ever happened to her and he didn’t do everything in his power to stop it, he could never live with himself. Santana is left speechless at the tenderness, even as she’s furious — Rivera could convey both in a single look.

The context we have now in 2020 makes the brief scene heavy with portent and sadness. In actuality, Rivera was saddened that she couldn’t do more to stop Monteith’s untimely death from a drug overdose. That would be subtext enough. But now, with the timing of her death and the anniversary of his? It’s shattering. But I kept watching, and there was something that reminded me of my own experience teaching high school. A few minutes later, or a few episodes later, the kids are singing and dancing and throwing ‘Big Quenches’ at each other, and seldom has the show’s mission to show the fullness of life seemed so clear. I’ve found that to be true when I’ve gone through difficult times, or my school has, and still had to walk through the classroom door. No matter how sad I’ve been, there’s always a student offering, well, cheer.

Maybe we did get the movie Naya Rivera was on this earth to make after all. Because that scene between Santana and Finn was early in the show’s run. By ‘Glee’s’ end several years later, Santana didn’t hurt herself. She survived high school, she stumbled a little but recovered, she found her way, she was able to get onstage at a Broadway audition and sing ‘Don’t Rain on My Parade’ and give us a big, big moment of triumph; maybe she’ll get the part, she’s definitely going to get the girl. Just like an old musical.

And that’s why I wrote this: we talk about ‘Glee’ as a TV show, but maybe it was one long film. If you go back and watch ‘Glee’ with a particular focus on Rivera, you’ll see an extraordinary rise-and-fall-and-rise-again achievement; she’s one of the major leads of an epic. Sure it’s a movie full of silliness, toss-aways, occasional meanderings or repetitive plotlines, but it’s also full of heart and compassion. This seasons-long coming-of-age starred this African/Latina/Queer Ally/Queen who reigned with a crackling laugh, a stunning beauty and vivacious spirit.

If that’s all we were fated to get of Naya Rivera, she hit her mark — the line where enough and not enough meet. Maybe the silvery phantoms of Bette Davis, Rosalind Russell, Joan Crawford and Barbara Stanwyck, who all knew their own injustices within the Hollywood system, maybe they were all waiting in the wings as she sang the curtain down. “Come on kid,” they might say, in old movie parlance. “You went out there a youngster but you came back: a Star!”

✍️The Couch Tamale✍️

Film, Music, Peak TV, Diversity— Tom Cendejas is sitting on a sofa and unwrapping Pop Culture with a Latino eye, one husk at a time.

[chimbu617]

A HTTYD Micro Memoir of the Past Ten Years

     It was 2010. I was 8. I just moved to a new town and as someone who was bad at trying to talk to people, I spent all my free time in my imagination and/or with my brother. He was my best friend and we did everything together.      My parents weren't big on going to theaters especially with an 8 and 12-year-old. So whenever we watched the newest, latest movie it was always through Red Box, they somehow always got for free. They rented two movies. I don't remember how they picked them out, if it was their or mine and my brother's choice. One night, after dinner, they popped in a disc and played the movie for us. I vividly remember how I felt sitting in our faux leather couch, cuddled up with a blanket in a dark room, focused on the movie.      The camera swoops in over a vast ocean in the dead of night. Pillers of stone carvings extruded out of the water with fire burning inside the mouths. In the distance, a beautiful island inhabited with wooden shacks. Small specs of fire can be seen in the village. Over this is a voice-over by the lead character, "This is Berk." A line that will follow me throughout the next 10 years of my life.      I spent the rest of that year dreaming of owning a terrible terror and have a friend to explore my world with. Of course, that was virtually impossible. Jump to 2012. I was 11. The first episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk aired. My brother and I begged our parents to record the series and we watched it religiously. We jumped into my bed turned on my tv and grew immensely excited for this world we both developed a love for.      I remember how I watched Heather first be introduced and immediately hating her character from the moment she was on screen. I created a self insert character where "I" washed up onto berk after a shipwreck with amnesia. I always thought that Heather stole my premise and then ruined it by betraying the main characters. I now enjoy her character and look back on my childish foolishness.      I guess my mom at some point stopped recording the show after my brother moved out and I grew out of the show, but not the fandom. 2013, I was 12 and just started 7th grade. The teaser trailer of the second movie came out and I watched it with awe. I was conflicted by the redesign of Hiccup yet I probably watched that trailer more times than I could count. I met my best friend and we both spent our time in science class drawing. She convinced me to start drawing actually. I spent that time drawing and watching crack compilations for Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons.      I never stopped my love for the world despite not having a lot of content to fill in the void in my heart. I ended up teaching myself Viking/Celtic runes, so I could read the text in the movie and show. It was 2014 when I taught one of my friends in my 8th grade English class the runes so we could pass notes in class. We wrote notes that absolutely made no sense but had so much fun knowing that we were the only ones who understood it. Our teacher caught us passing the note and took it from us. The look on her face was priceless. She looked frustrated and confused. She gave us a baffled look and continued on with class without a word.      I wasn't able to watch the second movie in the theater either. I ended up pirating it off some streaming site. I laughed and cried. At his death, my parents came in to ask if I was ok.      Several weeks after my 14th birthday in 2015, Race to the Edge's first season was released onto Netflix. I ended up binging all of Riders of Berk and Defenders of Berks in a few nights. I cried when I saw Stoick alive again and revived my undying love for this franchise.      January of 2016, my brother called me and asked if I had seen the new season of Race to the Edge. I ended up watching only a few episodes before falling out of interest in the series.     In December of 2017, I decided to catch up with the show. I would wake up, go to school, go home, did homework, binge as many episodes as I could and repeat. Soon after I finished it was 2018 and the new and last season was released. I had my friend come over to spend the night and I straight up said "Sorry, but I want to watch this" and she had to sit there and watch the show without any context of prior seasons. For Halloween that year that same friend and I ended up dressing up as Hiccup and Jack Frost. My mom gave me a stuffed toothless she was holding for Christmas for my costume. Some older lady told me she liked my plush cat.      When I found out about The Hidden World coming out my friend group and I decided to go see it in theaters. I accidentally overslept that day and rushed to the theaters where my friends were waiting. One of them ended up buying a ticket for me, refusing to accept my money when I offered to pay him back. There aren't words to describe my emotions in those few seconds the Dreamworks logo played. I was excited at being able to finally see one of the movies in the franchise in theaters. Although I started to feel my heart being pulled apart by tiny strings attached to the muscle. I then realized in that small amount of time that, this was it. This was the end. No more. That everything I watched, learned, waited for was for this moment. The dragon classes and types I learned, the runes I used, the music I would close my eyes to and imagine I was in a different world, and the reality in front of me ever since I was a child that I could never live in this world. It was all in front of me.      The movie played, and sure I laughed at Tuff, watched in awe at the beautiful plant and sand animation, cried at their parting, and rejoiced at their reunion. As I left the theaters though I couldn't help but think, "It was better than expected but not as good as I hoped". Whenever someone asked me my thoughts of the movie I would tell them those exact words. Looking back now, I don't know what I hoped for it to be. A happier ending? No, I came into this expecting the loss of dragons. A more interesting villain? I can't think of any better villain for the context of the scenario. I left it as such. I hoped for better yet knew not of what I hoped for.     It was winter break in 2019 and I left my dorm to go home and visit my family. The first night I was back my mom said she recorded something for me. I sat in the recliner as my cat snuggled into my lap and my mom started up Homecoming. I appreciated the fact that my parents haven't seen the second or third movie, yet sat through Homecoming with no context for me. This last Thursday, the 19th of March, I was working on my theater assignment mid-quarantine and randomly had the desire to watch Ratatouille. As I finished the film it reminded me of How to Train Your Dragon. With the whole human and animal bond that overcomes the differences between the two species to work together. I ended up wanting to watch the film again. As I watched it, I thought to myself, just the first movie, right? As I started The Hidden World, I thought to myself, just the movies, right? As I started Riders of Berk, I thought to myself, just the pre-time skip series, right? As I started Race to the Edge, I thought to myself, I need to drop my Biology course since I'm gonna fail.      When I rewatched the third movie all my original doubts on the film vanished. At the end when Hiccup decided to let Toothless go, I didn't cry. But, when Hiccup tells us, the viewer, that dragons were waiting for us to get along, I sobbed, more than I did any other time watching the entire series in the last 10 years. I realized two completely separate things. We as humans will never earn the right to have dragons, as we will never get our crap together. We are filled with corrupted morals and mindsets and will ruin everything and anything we get ahold of. The second thing was something I experienced earlier. Though I was afraid of the end I was so used to things claiming to be over and then the creators ending up making more for a cash grab. In that moment of watching 30-year-old Hiccup throw his son into the air, I realized that this was it. This was the end. The end of the movie, the end of the story, and the end of a large part of my childhood.      When I graduated high school I cried in my car after our practice run. I was growing up and I would have to be leaving everything I had known until then behind. It was Troll Hunters a series I started before I moved into my dorm that helped me calm down and move into a new place. It helped me understand that I can't just change and leave what I love behind. I can take it with me beyond this line I drew myself. The past few days changed that though. I couldn't take my beloved world across the line with me. It will forever be chained into my past as something I can look back on yet have no expectations for any future with it. I cried because there was nothing in my hands that I could do to keep what I loved with me. But, with Stoick's words "With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it's all worth it."      Thank you How to Train Your Dragon. You have given me so much. More than I could say. More than I know. We have grown up together, but now it's time for both of us to move on. Time for me to let you go.

Whoever stuck around until the end, thank you. I felt I had to write this as my fingers were itching for it. This is just a first draft but I doubt I’m ever coming back to this. I wanted to do something for the anniversary but like I said I didnt start getting back into httyd until the last 2 weeks and I just found out. I wrote this in like 2-3 hours, and I’m suprised at myself for powering through it. I’m still working on writing personal memoir pieces so excuse my skills. Anyways thank you again and Happy Ten Year Anniversary HTTYD!

[sumukhcomedy]

LeBron James: The Rollercoaster Ride

I am a month older than LeBron James and probably half his size. For people like me who grew up in Cleveland as part of the age group that LeBron is, we feel as if we’ve grown with LeBron. We were aware of him at St.Vincent-St.Mary High School before the national media was. We saw him racking up the Ohio Mr. Basketball awards. We were proud to see him on the cover of Sports Illustrated in high school and his games broadcasted on national television. We chuckled as the local media covered LeBron driving in a Hummer like it was big news (news of how corrupt sports can be perhaps).

At the same time, the Cleveland Cavaliers looked like complete crap. Ricky Davis was shooting at his own hoop to get a triple-double. Coach John Lucas basically admitted after the fact that the team was tanking to get to LeBron. What a perfect fit. The pride of Ohio basketball could play in Cleveland.

I’ve never cared more about a NBA Draft Lottery and remembering being in the house I grew up in and ultimately so excited when it was announced the Cavs would be picking first overall in the 2003 Draft. LeBron was going to play for the Cavs. And what has progressed has been a 15-year career unlike any other in the history of the NBA and a rollercoaster ride for those of us who love basketball, appreciate LeBron, and have the strange connection of having observed the guy since his high school days while also being in high school ourselves. So, for the sake of the fact that Clevelanders like myself love Cedar Point, I will break down LeBron’s career and my perspective via Cedar Point rollercoasters.

“Mean Streak” – Cleveland Cavaliers (2003-2010)

“Mean Streak” was an acceptable enough ride at Cedar Point before it was closed after 25 years of operation. It was an enjoyable wooden coaster but at the same time it also jerked your neck around so much that you got whiplash. By the end of it, you asked yourself, “Should we have actually waited in line for a far better rollercoaster?” The same could be said of LeBron’s first go-round with the Cavs, none of which I would say is LeBron’s fault. The first 7 years of LeBron’s career which garnered only one Finals appearance was filled with fun moments in watching his progression but also in organizational blunders that led LeBron to leave. There was a lot of talk of finding the “Pippen to LeBron’s Jordan” and that was supposedly going to happen with Larry Hughes and didn’t even come close. Donyell Marshall and Damon Jones were seen as big splash signings and weren’t at all. As much as the team may have spent, they never found worthy pieces to be on LeBron’s supporting cast and it’s still pretty unbelievable to see that LeBron dragged that awful 2007 roster to the Finals. There are 2 moments from this time that are most worth remembering with LeBron. First is “The 48 Special” against Detroit. After that night, I knew that LeBron was simply too good to never win a NBA title. Even if he wasn’t going to do it in Cleveland, he was going to do it somewhere else. The second was his miraculous shot in Game 2 of the 2009 Eastern Conference Finals against Orlando. It was an amazing moment for Cavs fans but ultimately the team lost the series and it kind of is a symbol as a whole of those first 7 years in Cleveland. Like “Mean Streak” it was enjoyable but shaky and ultimately not successful.

“Millennium Force” – Miami Heat (2010-2014)

Since opening in 2000, Millennium Force has easily become one of the best rollercoasters in the world especially if you are able to experience it at night. Say whatever you may about LeBron’s time with the Miami Heat (and I, as a Cavs fan, will say that I loathed it and “The Decision,”) LeBron came to the peak of his career while coming together with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. This time period marked some of LeBron’s best performances but also led to only a 2-2 record in the NBA Finals (and 1-3 if not for Ray Allen’s 3). The Millennium Force is in some ways overshadowed or less talked about than many other coasters but it is a peak performer in entertainment and consistency. The same could be said of this Heat team who in reality should have done better than 2 titles but also lasted for as long as they possibly could particularly given Chris Bosh’s unfortunate health issues and Dwyane Wade’s age now showing.

“Raptor” – Cleveland Cavaliers (2014-2018)

Raptor is my favorite ride at Cedar Point and so to, for biased reasons, will LeBron’s second run in Cleveland for me. But, much like the twists and turns that the Raptor brings, so too was LeBron’s time in Cleveland which saw so much off-court drama and change that made me wonder as a fan if anyone was even happy playing on that team. Regardless, this 4-year stretch saw the best basketball played in the history of Cleveland and saw LeBron do amazing things I never thought I would see a basketball player do in front of a crowd that will forever love him. LeBron accomplished a goal in bringing a title to the city and ending a 52-year curse. If only I could ride the success of the Cavaliers over this time as often as I can ride the Raptor on a slow day at Cedar Point.

“Top Thrill Dragster” – The last 3 minutes of the 2016 NBA Finals (2016)

Top Thrill Dragster is 0 to 120 MPH in 4 seconds and is awesome. The line to wait for it is usually forever. Sometimes it’s been closed for the day when I’ve been to Cedar Point. Even though the last 3 minutes of the NBA Finals felt like they took forever, the thrill of it was just as unthinkable as Top Thrill Dragster. I’ve rewatched these last 3 minutes probably over 100 times. I’ll be lucky if I get to experience Top Thrill Dragster that many times.

LeBron James is just an unthinkable athlete with a career so unique to anyone else. He was thrust in the spotlight in his teenage years and lived beyond that hype. He hasn’t succumbed to any major personal downfall like Tiger Woods. He didn’t falter to personal demons or addictions like Maurice Clarett (equally popular in Ohio at the same time LeBron’s popularity was rising). And when we look back at the top picks of the 2003 NBA Draft, none of them have sustained remotely to the level of LeBron. Darko Milicic fizzled out early, Carmelo Anthony is almost seen as a joke now to some with his only hope being a glimmer of the offensive firepower he once had, Bosh is unfortunately out of the league, and Wade’s age has caught up to him.

Many will point to LeBron’s legacy and his 3-6 NBA Finals record and discount him as compared to Michael Jordan and many of the other NBA greats. But the 3-6 Finals record can be attributed to a combination of the Cavs organization, the Heat organization, LeBron himself, and LeBron being ahead of his time. The Cavs organization never fully surrounded LeBron with the right people in his first go-round with the team. The rosters assembled couldn’t possibly match up to the kind of teams they faced and it’s still miraculous that LeBron took the team the 2007 Finals. The Heat organization surrounded LeBron with a great cast but it never fully understood LeBron and ultimately lost him because of that. LeBron himself does shoulder some blame because of his attitude and some criticism could be made of his ability to attract free agents in his first stretch with the Cavs and also that his role as a de facto general manager with both the Heat and the Cavs has just been terrible and he’s left behind his previous teams in salary cap hell with awful players.

But the biggest issue for LeBron is that he simply was ahead of his time. He came into the league at a time when teams like the Detroit Pistons and San Antonio Spurs and the big man game of Shaquille O’Neal were reigning supreme. The run and gun nature of Mike D’Antoni and the Phoenix Suns was just starting up and was looked at with doubt that it would succeed. LeBron’s decision to join forces with Wade and Bosh and create a “Big Three” started a trend in the NBA. It was a trend that unfortunately hurt him when Kevin Durant decided to join the Golden State Warriors, making it a much harder mountain to climb for him to win a NBA title. The most criticism of LeBron to me could be done of his time with the Heat where that was the greatest opportunity to win titles. The 2007 Finals was unbelievable to even get to. The 4 Warriors-Cavs Finals have asterisks associated with them. It would have been ideal to have a Best-of-7 series with the best, healthy rosters of these teams and that never happened.

If LeBron wins a 4th NBA title with a 3rd team and, especially a team in the iconic Los Angeles Lakers who have been seen as a joke over the past few years, I’d have a hard time not calling him the greatest of all-time. The numbers and records don’t matter. It’s the sheer dominance and uniqueness of his career over the years.

I’m not affected by “Decision 3.0” as I was by “The Decision.” In a way, in these subsequent two weeks, I think it was the best move. For the rest of the world, it’s fitting for Cristiano Ronaldo to play for Manchester United and Real Madrid and now the recent transfer to Juventus. These are the biggest soccer clubs in the world. It makes sense for LeBron to unite with the biggest name in the game of basketball worldwide: The Los Angeles Lakers. It’s even bigger if he can revitalize the team to its “Showtime” era.

It also just makes sense. It’s a time now for LeBron to try to be the greatest basketball player of all-time but he soon wants to be a business mogul. That sense of business is not going to be learned from Cavs owner Dan Gilbert who he has never gotten along with but rather Magic Johnson, an iconic and beloved player that seems to be most in the mold of both life and personality to what LeBron could pave himself to be in the future.

As a Cavs fan who lives in L.A., you’d probably think I’ll be making my way to many Lakers games this season to see LeBron. But that’s likely not going to happen. I can’t afford that! I’ll stick to being an NBA fan and seeing the much cheaper Clippers (they actually have what could be an entertaining roster).

But for LeBron to end up in L.A., to win a title for Cleveland, and to have gone through such a rollercoaster ride of an experience as a basketball player in 20 years, it’s pretty remarkable. And maybe one day we’ll all look at him as the greatest of all-time. That’s not bad in my mind for a “kid from Akron.”