#i had the archer on loop for so long while writing that part

[wingsofthewibbets]

Hello I Made A Playlist

It is specifically for the vibes of the Calamity Trio! Also, I feel like contributing to fandom, so I tried to explain why I felt each song gave off the ~Vibe~. Apologies for the length of this monstrosity. It’s on Youtube and Spotify, but there is a song on Youtube I used that was unavailable on Spotify. It’s in no particular order, although maybe I’ll organize it one day.

~‘California Friends’ (The Regrettes)- Generally the fun upbeat vibe of the song, but also these specific lyrics make me think of Anne’s :

     I think I love you but then I think

     No way!

     I gotta go but I wanna stay

    Just stay!

    I guess I’ll save it for another day, well okay?

As well as:

     I get mixed up in my head, you do too

     But I don’t forget a thing you’ve said

     Well that’s true

I think the lyrics definitely give me more Anne/Marcy vibes, but the music itself makes me think of Sasha getting them into trouble. There’s some big garage band energy here, and it just makes me think of them running around and causing chaos. (also the ‘i gotta go but i wanna stay/just stay’ definitely reminds me of the end of the aquarium episode)

~’The Archer’ (Taylor Swift)- Oh man this song where do I even start?? There is so much?? (I know I’ve already talked about this one, but Imma do it again) I was listening to this song one day and the lyrics hit me so hard as reminding me of all the girls, specifically:

For Anne:

    Combat, I’m ready for combat

    I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

    ‘Cause cruelty wins in the movies

    I’ve got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

I feel like this is pretty self-explanatory, but this seriously makes me think of her relationship with Sasha -or the shambles of it anyway oof- and the speeches line just makes me there’s so much that she doesn’t tell her friends about what’s running through her head. 

Anne’s an emotional person to be sure, but she’s also a very impulsive one, which means a lot of times, what people get from her is the unedited, unreflected version of her thoughts, which don’t make them any less true, but that also means that she’s probably a little more reticent with the deeper ideals that don’t get unearthed through dramatic moments. She just does things a lot of the time, and when she gets stuck on something, it is kinda obvious from the outside, but she also gets uncomfortable with trying to talk about it, because there is no clear solution she can enact in the moment to resolve it.

For Sasha:

    Screaming who could ever leave me, darling?

    But who could stay?

    I see right through me, I see through me

As well as the repetition of ‘they see right through me/can you see right through me’, these lines give me huge Sasha vibes, specifically. I think of them kind of especially applicable to the Reunion episode, but also just how there were a couple scenes where she seemed to be regretting hiding from her friends the toad rebellion that was going to take place in Newtopia, and that conversation Anne and Sasha have in The Third Temple. I don’t think she ever considered regretting the rebellion at all, but I do think she worried over what it might do to her friendships. 

The end of Reunion was heartbreaking, for both Anne and Sasha, because if the Plantars had been able to pull both girls up, I think there would have been more opportunity for Sasha and Anne to have a better reconciliation. (i think this about this a lot ngl) And, also because she was willing to die for Anne??? I don’t think that gets discussed enough. That episode has big ‘who could ever leave me’ at the beginning, and then at the end ‘who could stay’ vibes. 

For Marcy:

    And all of my heroes die alone (OOF)

As well as

     All the king’s horses, all the king’s men

     Couldn’t put me together again

     ‘Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Ahahaha this is the ANGST. So. I mean, obviously the king’s horses part makes me think of the ending of True Colors, and I don’t think that Marcy considers Sasha and Anne to be her enemies by any stretch of the imagination, but I don’t think that Andrias is above manipulating her to think that they think of her that way. (Also the line ‘cause all of my enemies started out friends’ line is very applicable to Anne and Sasha as well, it just happened to be part of the lines that made me think of Marcy) Plus sticking around the king and whatever the heck he has in store for her will definitely not put her back together sooo-

The ‘help me hold onto you’ and the ‘I’ve been the archer/I’ve been the prey’ just apply to all of them (for the former, think Sasha and Anne in Reunion, the way Marcy tried to mediate in The Dinner, and just True Colors in general; for the latter, it makes me think of the sword-fights between Anne and Sasha, as well as how Marcy once believed that Andrias actually cared about her). The ‘Dark side, I search for your dark side/But what if I’m alright, right, right, right here’ make me think of how Anne is going to be reevaluating her friendships with both Sasha and Marcy, as well as how all of them seemed to grow into the Amphibia communities that they landed in and what they are going to struggle with leaving behind.

I had this song on loop for way too long trying to word my feelings out about it.

~’Soldier, Poet, King’ (Oh Hellos)- This song is just so absolutely perfect for the three girls. I’d like to take the time to state that I think Sasha fits soldier, Marcy poet, and Anne king, but what are y’all’s thoughts? 

     There will come a soldier/Who carries a mighty sword

     He will tear your city down

Big Sasha vibes, fits with what’s she done so far in the show, as well as how she’s being set up for the third season to be a hero (whose intentions somewhat align with the consequences of her actions).

    There will come a poet/Whose weapon is his word

    He will slay you with his tongue

Marcy spends a lot of time journaling, and she even takes the time to learn a dead language! She seems rather skilled with more traditional weaponry, but her biggest boon is her intelligence and her quick-thinking. I also think that if she does end up getting possessed by the Night, its words being spoken by Marcy’s voice is absolutely going to SLAUGHTER Anne and Sasha.

     There will come a ruler/Whose brow is laid in thorn

     Smeared with oil like David’s boy

Apart from the fact that Anne literally has plants growing from her head in the S2 finale, she is also a charismatic leader who has made connections all over Amphibia. She genuinely cares about the people around her, and takes the time to get to know them and spend time with them. Also, a lot of times, she is underestimated and seen as the David to her opponent’s Goliath- whether that be physically or in skillset.

~’Someone To You’ (The Banners)- No specific lyrics here, but the general vibe of the song. There is a sort of desperation that seems to permeate it, as though if the narrator isn’t someone to the person they are singing to, they will be nobody at all, and I think that is very much how all of the girls view their friendship, at least at first. 

Marcy gets the music box thing going because she doesn’t want to be alone; Sasha is desperate to have Anne, and she wants so much for both Anne and Marcy to look up to her as someone who is strong and present. I think for Anne, we kinda see this song in the speech she gives to Sprig in Best Fronds when she’s trying to get him to break the rules with her, but also in how she is open to reconciling with Sasha in The Dinner and giving her a second chance. Mainly, though, what I associate with Anne for this song are the scenes where she reunites with Marcy and Sasha for the first time. The spinning hug she gives Sasha, and how tightly she hugs Marcy with tears in her eyes- she really does love and care about these girls.

They all cling to this friendship so much, in different ways, both healthy and unhealthy, and I think this song really captures that.

~’Lost Girls’ (Lindsey Stirling)- This song is mostly instrumental, so again, no specific lyrics here, but there is a very deep, melancholic feel to this song. It gets kinda fast-paced at some points, and reminds me of the ending of True Colors, with Anne and Sasha and Marcy separated. There is so much space- literal and internal- between all of them now, and I think this song does a really great job of getting Those Feels across. They aren’t just lost to each other, they are also struggling with battles inside of themselves.

But the lyrics that are in this song, (lol I just said I wouldn’t mention them whoops) ‘Lost girls find a way’, are sung, the music played after them that plays remind me that, like Matt Braly said, sometimes things have to be broken to be fixed again. They can find a way. It’s not a happy song to be sure, but there’s a quiet strength and determination in it.

~’Long Live’ (Taylor Swift)- I could cite specific lyrics here, but this song has just always given me epilogue-end-of-the-battle scenes, where we get to see everyone exhausted, but happy and most importantly together. This song is what I’m hoping the future gets to be for Marcy, Anne, and Sasha; happy about their present together, being able to heal despite the past, and accepting that even if they aren’t together forever in the future, that doesn’t mean they weren’t important to one another.

~’Torches’ (Oh Hellos)- ‘Torches’, on the complete opposite hand to ‘Long Live’, kind of represents where the girls are right now with one another. 

Despite keeping that old wheel turning, despite laying that next spoke down (yes these are direct lyric references), they are also continuing to make mistakes with one another.

    I got a venom like a snake running out of my mouth

    (Running out of my mouth, running out of my mouth)

    It’s got you burning at the stake

    Innocent or not, you’re not a bet I care to take

 And, yet, somehow, they keep being led back to one another. They are more alike than they think, and even if they get back to Earth, they will still be bound by the mutual experiences they had on Amphibia, that no one else is likely to ever understand. The ways they misunderstand one another and don’t communicate cleave them apart, but also together, in a way. 

    And Father Ignorance will make brothers of us all

   (Brothers of us all, brothers of us all)

    As he sets our torch aflame

    Chasing down the flimsy specters that we pro-create

As well as 

    Mother Fortuna, O, she makes sisters of us all

    (Sisters of us all, sisters of us all)

   When the faces in her wake

    Look more like our own than the effigies that we immolate

~’Castle On The Hill’ (Ed Sheeran)- Purely just the vibes. Nothing super deep, just makes me think of how Anne, Sasha, and Marcy are going to look back on their friendships and their time together. 

~’Trouble’ (Valerie Broussard)- Though I will forever associate this song with Six of Crows thanks to a fabulous animatic, I will say that it also makes me think of the darker tone that Season 3 might take on, and how each girl is poised to take on a different problem. I see it as a very Sasha song (especially ‘I’m your Number Two man in a fight/We are revolutionaries tonight’), but all three of them tend to lead a trail of chaos in their wake. (Also the vibes here are impeccable)

~’Time Alive’ (K.C Katalbas)- (not on Spotify, definitely recommend checking it out) This song just has that perfectly nostalgic, yet aspirational feel to it. It is hopeful, yet it it has its own sort of weight. It pairs nicely with ‘Long Live’ and ‘Castle On The Hill’, in a way, I think. It makes me think of what the future could be for the girls, once again, and how even if something is bittersweet, you are still allowed to be hopeful. Mostly, it makes me think of each girl reflecting about one another, and the time they spent together. 

    And this is your life, every plan has a right to fall

    And this is your heart, through the dark it’s the loudest call

    And this is breathing

    And seeing her go

~’Try’ (The Lightning Thief)- True Color battle against Andrias vibes! And Season 3 vibes! A lot of these lyrics are kind of specific to Annabeth, Percy, and Grover’s characters, but I also think the general feel of this song is very applicable to Anne, Sasha, and Marcy. Particularly, I am reminded of how Sasha and Anne will be feeling about Marcy.

    I may fail you

   I may fail you

    I may fail you, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t try

And

    I’m not leaving your side til we find what matters

   I’m not leaving your side til we’re back home

   I’m not leaving your side til you’re remembered

   No matter how far we have to go

As well as probably the guilt that Marcy was feeling during True Colors:

   Two thousand four hundred forty eight reasons I have to come along

   Wash my hands of past mistakes

As well as

    The weight of the world’s on my shoulders

    Like Atlas, it’s crushing me down

    We’re not brave, we’re not strong, we’re not soldiers

And how could I forget?

    L.A doesn’t seem so far away…

~’Drive It Like You Stole It’ (Sing Street)- Again, like ‘Trouble’, but a little softer. If ‘Trouble’ has Sasha vibes, this one makes me think of Anne, but it also has a similar line to ‘Time Alive’- this is your life. For the most part of Amphibia, I think the girls focussed a lot on fitting in and adapting to their surroundings, but I think Season 3 is really going to see them owning who they are and taking it upon themselves to enact change. 

It also just makes me think of them messing around and being kids, trying to figure out who they are. It’s like, if they ever make it back to Earth in one piece and stay friends, but still manage to get into shenanigans.

~’What’s Up Danger’ (Blackway, Black Caviar)- local newt king gets mauled by three newly empowered thirteen-year olds

~’How Far We’ve Come’ (Matchbox Twenty)- This one is a classic. No playlist of mine is worth its salt if it doesn’t have this song here. It has the ~vibes~ of pre-last battle energy, and also I can definitely see Sasha and the Sharps playing it at some point. 

Alternately, this also makes me think of Anne, Sasha, and Marcy finally going home together or reuniting properly after the end of True Colors. Lots of angst either way.

~’We Are Young’ (fun.)- What I picture with this: Anne, Sasha, and Marcy are not entirely reconciled with one another yet, but it’s the night before the last battle or somethin’, and they still care about one another a lot. This has that energy. They’re just kids, but they’ll be damned if they don’t go out without a fight, and without standing by one another’s sides. 

(and marcy found someone(s) to carry her home nanananananana)

Slightly more uplifting(?) than ‘How Far We’ve Come’, but similar energy, I think.

~’Pump It’ (Black Eyed Peas)- three local teenagers get pumped to cause problems on purpose; montage time. I have no justification for this song, only that it has the vibes of Sasha and Anne’s relentless energy and the confidence of Marcy swinging down on a rope she doesn’t know will actually hold her weight. 

~’Disaster Hearts’ (I Fight Dragons)- I feel like this song is the definition of Matt’s tweet about how some things have to be broken to be fixed. It has vibes of the aftermath of a battle, and opening the door to reconciliation and forgiveness. Amphibia has tied these girls together, for better or worse, and I think there is room for them to become better friends and mend their relationships.

    Disaster has a way of remaking our hearts

    Long after all the thunder and scars

    Days pass and bit by bit we begin to restart

    Our disaster hearts

~’Thus Always To Tyrants’ (Oh Hellos)- It makes me think of where Anne and Sasha are left at the end of Reunion, but also in how Anne wants to find Marcy now that she know she’s definitely out there. The sound of the song gives me huge Marcy vibes, with how it does seem to be almost cheerful? The very last line makes me think a lot about Sasha (‘Learn to love without consuming’), but I think a lot of the song is applicable to all the girls in different situations. 

[dumpsiteforfics]

Las Vegas, Baby!

Rating: PG-13 for this chapter.

Genre: Fluff, romance

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Spencer Reid

Warnings: slight mention of rape and murder! Only once, no graphical description!

Summary: This is from my Model au! This is two part story. Wait for part 2. ☺️ It's just something fluffy and cute. Just a reason to write these two together!

If you have a background idea about this au, you might be aware that I have used Spencer as model instead of Lila archer and Aaron is the agent who is gone on Spencer! Team comprised of Gideon, rossi, Hotch, Morgan and Garcia at that time!

You can check all my model au musings for more information -> 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 . Please ignore the typos and grammatical mistakes, English is difficult lmao!! Hope you enjoy! ❤️

"Okay everyone, we have a few hours till we reach Vegas, so get some shut eye if you need because we will start working until we find this unsub once we touch down!" Aaron ordered the team. Everyone agreed quickly as Aaron stood up to take his corner seat where he could spread out the files again. As he started looking into the files, making notes of some of the points they had already discussed, the team including Garcia who was still on the video call were talking quietly about lighter things before parting.

"So chocolate thunder, I hope you won't have too much fun without me over there. I'm so jealous that you are in Vegas after so long and I'm not even there!"

Morgan chuckled at Garcia's frustration, "I know baby girl! It's not everyday that we get a case in a city like Vegas! When was the last time we came for a case? Do you remember?" He mused out loud.

Rossi who was just listening to their talk quietly answered, "I think it was when we were helping with that stalker case of that gorgeous kid! What was his name again, Aaron?"

Morgan bit his lips to stop a chuckle passing through as they all watched minute change in their boss's posture. His back stiffened lightly and he frowned deeply before shooting a glare to Rossi as he replied, "Spencer Reid I believe."

Before Rossi could ask something more, Garcia gushed, "Oh God yes!! How did I forget!!! He was so gorgeous and sexy and he was such a cute little rabbit!! I wish I could have had a chance to meet him, you guys were so lucky to have met him!"

Emily and JJ were the only ones at this point who seemed to be out of loop and after watching Garcia's reaction they couldn't ignore asking anymore.

"Okay, holdup Penelope, what's going on? " It was Emily who finally asked her.

"Ohhh he is this gorgeous baby model! He is pretty much famous now but at that time he was being stalked by his obsessed best friend. And BAU was involved. This was back when Gideon was still on team and our fearless leader here was Spencer's security detail! " And then Garcia's voice turned into a hushed (still a bit loud) whisper as she continued, "Bossman's photo with the model was on the front page of all fashion magazines. They created quite a buzz around as well!"

"Okay that's enough!! Everybody go to sleep or I can give you work to do right now, choose wisely!" Hotch ordered, looking pointedly at every single one of them and within a second Garcia bid goodbye, disconnecting the call quickly!

Everyone else just shared a knowing glance with each other before dispersing to their preferred seats all over the plane!

It was going to be a long case, Aaron thought!!

***†***

The team soon forgot all about this supposed model who seemed to be a somewhat touchy subject for their boss. As they reached the LVPD, they were quickly immersed in the work, giving all of their focus to the case as it should be!

It was a bad case, of course all the cases are bad, but there are always some cases who suck everything good out of them, and this was one of those! Closeted teenagers being raped and murdered and the only good thing about it all was that the LEOs were helpful instead of hindering the investigation, without their full support the case would've taken a lot longer.

They were supposed to be flying out that night but the Jet was not in a good condition and their pilot told them that they will most likely be able to fly the next night! Though they would've loved going home as soon as they can, spending a night in Vegas didn't seem like such a bad option.

The team was talking about where they should have dinner and how they should spend the night, considering they didn't have any work and it was as good as vacation! Aaron was in a separate corner talking to someone on the phone and they all just thought he was talking to Strauss, giving her idea about the case and the delay!

As he came back, the team had already decided on a few options, so Rossi put a hand on Aaron's shoulder before saying, "Aaron, we are thinking of hitting this really nice restaurant for dinner, my treat, we deserve it after this long case!"

Surprisingly Aaron shook his head, he waited for a second to choose his words carefully before explaining the reason. "I'm sorry I won't be joining you all tonight! I have dinner plans already with someone else, we will meet tomorrow at the airport when the plane is ready to takeoff! "

Everyone was quite! This was probably the first time they have heard Aaron Hotchner having plans other than work and spending time with the team! He looked cute trying to look stern so no one would ask him questions, but well Rossi was never the one to shut his mouth when Hotch needed it.

"Does it involve certain model with curly hair, bambi eyes and smile to die for?" He asked, like a little shit he was!

But tonight seemed to be a night of surprises because instead of receiving a well placed glare, all they received was a rare dimpled smile which made almost everyone pause their breathing for a second, because yeah it was that gorgeous!

"Well that's for me to know and you to never find out!" Aaron replied, still smiling, before he left them.

They just looked at each other, not really sure if that really happened, but then Morgan whistled, "He is so fucking meeting that boy!!! I knew it! Penelope is going to love this gossip!"

There was still so much about their boss that they weren't aware of!!

***†***

As soon as Aaron rang the bell, Spencer was there opening the door with huge smile! Before Aaron could even place his bags down, he was enveloped in a bear hug by none other than The Spencer Reid, model, actor and his boyfriend!

"I didn't think you'd really come! God!! You are here, you are really here!! Shit, let me see you!" Spencer pulled away, his hands immediately cupping Aaron's face, those eyes almost a bit teary and Aaron felt his heart breaking a little bit! Both of their jobs required a lot of their time and they had to travel constantly. And with the amount of work they both had, they weren't able to spend a lot of time together at all! They both travelled back and forth whenever they got the free time in their schedule, but currently Spencer was working in a movie and he had been so busy with the work that they were not able to meet for more than six months.

Spencer pulled away before taking him inside the house, inside his bedroom. And Aaron kept his bags in their designated place before going to take shower. He would have really liked to have Spencer with him in there but from the looks of it, he had already showered.

So he focused on taking a quick shower, feeling better already in the close existence of his love as the hot water started to relax his tired and aching muscles. He dried his body quickly, snapping one towel around his waist as he came out of the bathroom, drying his head with other towel.

But then it was snatched away by clever fingers and he was pushed on the bed, sitting at the end of it before that lithe body he loved so much was sitting across his lap! Spencer straddled him, before starting to dry his head with the towel he snatched earlier. Aaron hummed as he felt Spencer throwing away the towel after a few minutes before raking his long fingers through his locks. He knew how soothing it was for Aaron, and it helped in melting away those last few evidences of the tension he still had.

He wanted to kiss his boyfriend, preferably 10 minutes ago, but they had a silent agreement. If he kisses now, they won't have a dinner, and he very much wanted to have that dinner with his boyfriend, he wanted to listen to his rants, he wanted to feed him few bites, play a little game of footsie just to make his boyfriend giggle childishly and then when they are full, then he will kiss him! Small, butterfly kisses at first and then they will get heavier and then they will start touching each other and that time they won't have to stop in the middle of it for anything. Because then they'll have only one purpose, to feed the hunger their bodies felt these past few months, and relearn each other's bodies, love those spots and crooks and valleys all over again, and intertwine as one to not part again for little while.

They'll do all of that, soon, but first dinner!!

[popculturebuffet]

Star Vs: Monster Bash Review or “Holy Shit Concentrated Into An Episode”

Hello everybody! I’m Jacob Mattingly and welcome back to my tom lucitor retrospective, where I go through every major apperance of everyone’s faviorite demon boy boy. In case you watch my schedule or reguarlly read this blog, and if so thank you.. especially you Kevin your a peach, you’ll know this one got pushed back two weeks because the day it was scheduled.. was the day AFTER the US Capitol Insurgency. So yeah an episode HEAVILY dealing with racisim, with a downer ending and a lot to dig into on the same day a bunch of racists stormed the captail to try and illegally keep another racist in office due to his bullshit claims the electoin was fraud, when it wasn’t he just can’t admit he lost, and their own idocy, violence and hatred was not something I could handle that day and I did some mickey mouse instead.  But while the effects of said riot are still being felt, and unlike many republicans are saying we shouldn’t just “move on” or “try to heal” because the wound needs to be properly examined so the people who carved our country open with a rusty knife can be prosecuted for it, enough time has passed that I can get back on the horse and eat that horse when it comes to this episode. Also expect new tomtrospective weekly with some exceptions till it’s done. So with the real world reasons for the delay out of the way, on with the show.  Previously on Star Vs: Star had a full subplot dealing with her super powered mewberity form, which was now golden and creating bunches of portals. While she wanted to just let it go loose on Eclipsa’s suggestoin, eventually it caused too much damage and Hekapoo was livid when Marco revealed he’d been covering for her and Star, realizing her friend was running himself ragged and ruined a friendship to help her, went to the source of all magic to fix things, metting the baby unicorns and with thier help gaining control over her form. While she does not use it given she JUST got it before this episode, it’s very relevant and makes her come off very stupid but we’ll get to that

In more directly relevant stuff, and our main event, we need to talk about Ms. Henious. Ms. Henious was introduced all the way back in Season 1 as head of St. Olga’s School for Wayward princsesses. She’s voiced by Jessica Walter, aka Malory Archer, Lucille Bluth and .. Fran Sinclair from dinosaurs?

I’ll process that later. Point is she’s a talented lady and voiced Henious perfectly. Henious ran the school as a nightmarish hellhole that stripped away princsesses indviduality when they became too much for their parents. Granted some did genuinely need to be reigned in, Pony went there and so did princess squishy a princess that tried to reinact the plot of face off despite her and star not even being the same species let alone looking remotely similar.. she also liked to say camera phone a lot despite all phones being camera phones for over a decade. 

But again like most reform schools it’s a hell hole dedicated more to beating and psyihholically tourturing the rebel or asshole out of you than actually helping so Star and Marco broke in to break out. It naturally was difficult and strenious but in the process our heroes freed the other girls and Marco became feminsest icon Princess Marco. And Marco’s possible gender fluidity, or being trans,  was well loved and while he was later said to hate the princess marco idntenity later.. I still dont’ quite buy it and feel Disney just wanted to nip any implications in the bud. Because their stupid and often non-inclusive to the queer community and have to be fought to get inclusivity in there half the time. Could’ve been clumsy writing and the writers not getting people really relating to marco possibly being gender fluid or trans, which given this season’s clumsy writing with marco in general I could buy, but i’m banking more on disney, where one executive can somehow stonewall gay representation because apparnetly one guy was the one who objected to enchanting grom fright.. and he can also go fuck himself with an old rhino’s horn. Which horn is up to you. Also we got two major hints at the future iwth her: a creepy mural star found of monsters and Henious being revealed to have cheek marks she supressed with her very own brainwashing machine. 

Our heroes revolution had uintetional side-effects as St.O’s became a party school, though it’s students actually still came back better for the moast part. Henious was thrown out, reduced to sleeping in her car with her manservant gemini and sending Rasticore, a septarian mercinary afer star.. and then carrying his arm around when he got reduced to that.. not because of star but because of a rogue gift card. We don’t have time to unpack that, so she later tried attacking one more time in season 2, in one of the single worst episodes of the series, as she attacked and Marco’s Parents, instead of being concerned about the strange woman and man and lizard man arm attacking thier children, were more concerned about.. tehir cool neighbors. which could’ve been funny but just got frustrating, especially because Marco defended himself well, pointing out while he trashed her school, and gets merchandising rights from princess marco merch, she you know, brainwashed innocent to semi innocent children and was in general horrible and his parents are only humoring her because they were both out of hte loop, which due to this being shortly before star and marco leaves amounts to nothing, and because of the stupid plot. 

So after that we got one more apperance in season 3 with her trying to expose marco as a boy to turn the princsses against him and get her school back.. but it was clearly a desperate and flimsy plan and they knew that already, and don’t care because their accepting. And again have done better without her so she gets thrown out and swore revenge on Marco, and here we are.  Finally, since returning Star’s been more active in monster rights, replacing their old batshit insane and patronizingly racist expert with Buff Frog and starting a position to get royal signatures. Obviously this dosen’t sound like the most effective way to do things but it’s both teenager accurate and not the worst plan i’ve heard from a teenager this week.. granted that’s also because I covered a teenager trying to win back her good for not a lot 23 year old boyfriend by stabbing his current girlfriend he left her for a bunch, so it’s not exactly a high bar to clear. So outside of the golden form thing, which i’ll get to in the review proper why I brought that up, that’s what’s all built up to this the mid season finale. While Stump Day DID come after this, I chose to cover it before it since it both takes place before that and feels out of place in the very story heavy episodes after it. So with that out of the way we’ll be taking a look at the full episode and Star’s horrible, no good, very bad night under the cut. 

We open at the Monster Temple, that place Ludo and Toffee were headquartered at for season 2 and the battle of mewni mini, where Star is holding a PARTY!

This.. this came up when I typed party. I don’t know why and I don’t WANT to know. I mean party is in the name.. is that a party line? Is this phone sex? No.. just no.. I don’t want dirty sweaty pigs in my phone sex.. I want Rocko like a gentlemen. 

Now THAT’S hot. And honestly with what i’ve admitted about myself at this point, can you genuinely tell if i’m joking or not?  Point is Marco and Rich Pidgeon are pitching in. Oh yeah those of you who didn’t get this far in the series, again hi kevin, might wonder wait whose that... well he’s a rich pidgeon, part of the pidgeon kingdom a kingdom of pidgeons that moved into another family’s castle, presumibly killed them, the book wasn’t specific on that and is now just a large bunch of pidgeons that don’t talk human except rich and get all creepy. They also have an excutioner which is as great a visual as you imagine. 

That and Marco tried faking singing rich singing it by shving a pien in his foot and making him sign it.. he didn’t know he was fully sapient but still. But it’s also season 3 marco. The fact he didn’t accidently burn the castle down trying to impress star and being mad when she wasn’t happy he comitted arson is an achievement. Rich apparently holds a grudge but says just kiddng.. maybe.. i’d be prepared for a pidgeon with a machete if I were Marco. Thankfully i’m not.. I mean I hate myself enough. 

Anyways the party is in full swing, as both monsters and mewmans are there. On the mewman sides are the royals we met at the Silver Bell Ball and on the monster side are a bunch of monster teens who look up to star we previously met during the Ludo arc in season 2. Pony arrives bringing a photo booth. And kelly! 

And also Johnny Blowhole...

That dolphin what showed up a few times, including in the comic and the show, like most of it’s supporting cast, just sorta forgot. Also was going to be my porn name, just in case till it ended up attached to a fictonal teenager. Did.. did not think naming a character “blowhole” through did they? 

Anyways the party is at “middle school dance” levels of awkward with the monsters and humans on other sides. Rock seems to be getting ready for a racist tyrade and singles out a yak like monster.. only to instead compliment the guy’s ripped jeans and the two compliment each other on horns... turns out the ones Rock always wear aren’t decorative but part of him due to a boating accident. Shame we never got more of this kid. that’s a good kid I tell you what.  But honestly and since the moment is right given their all in this episode.. we never get a lot of the other royals outside of tom and star PERIOD. While Penelope would show up one last time and Larry would make a cameo for the most part their just.. background filler. Even this pettitoin arc was two episodes long. Rich is BRAND new and he gets way more focus.. and even he only gets to show up again for the big “Gondor calls for aid moment” in season 4 where star summoned whoever she could get on short notice. And is the ONLY royal to besides Ponyhead. Larry has an intresting enough design but the underwater kingdom only got featured in the deep trouble tie in comic that got cut short, and he wasn’t created yet so he doesen’t even show up for it. Jagg’s is such a footnote to the creators she dosen’t ever show up after this, and finally Rock, despite being star’s COUSIN and despite his kingdom being specifically mentioned as the hardest to make sympathetic to eclipsa during her own entirely ignored arc trying to win over the other kingdoms, and despite it being where River comes from and thus possibly providing some more insight into that awesome, awesome man.. we get nothing. Hell the Cloud Kingdom of the Ponyeheads ONLY gets two visits despite being home of one of the main cast.. god I just realized Ponyhead was part of the main cast. 

So while I grapple with that, Star figures the punch is too warm and while Marco goes to get ice, she tries to remind him she can do magic and accidently puts it in your standard cartoon ice block.. and being star gets her tounge stuck. Thankfully her savior comes in the form of tom who being.. you know.. tom.. can simply melt it down and reminds her he’s been there the whole time. She’s just been a bit distracted with you know, trying to ease centuries of racial tension in a well meaning but ultimately pointless at best and risky at worst, partay. And dosen’t seem to get WHY she dosen’t want to dance.. even if they do have a REALY fucking cute moment where he leans in to kiss her, she catches him on it.. then blows a raspberry into his mouth when he does and smooches him on the cheek a bunch. 

But the whole thing leaves him as a grumpus venting to marco and boiling the punch.. though at least Marco gets to use that ice now so silver linings and all that. And when marco tries to explain he tells him he dosen’t “talk politics”

My baby boy.. i’m so disapointed in you. And Marco points out as he leaves “your a prince everything you do is political. “. Which is.. HALF true. I mean tom going to the bathroom or eating a taco or taking his grandpa fo ra walk on his leash so he dosen’t gouge anyones eyes out isn’t political.. but he’s also not wrong that being the half demon half mewman son of two royals, DOES mean tom can come off political and one previous episode which he made a cameo in even had Tom being profiled, with a shopkeep who shoed out another monster kid tried that on tom.. only to realize who he was dealing with and beg for mercy he probably only got because Tom’s trying to be a better person now. And I don’t think i’ts even malcious on tom’s part, tom isn’t the most empathetic guy. He’s nice, he’s sweet, and once he knows you he can be really thoughtful.. but as we’ve seen throughout this retrospective.. empathy is something he’s struggled with. He stalked star because he didn’t see HER side of him creeply and obessively persuing her until Marco got through to him. He missed the point of his therapy assignment, seeing it as a goal to get passed instead of hwat brian intended: for him to geninely make amends with someone he hurt. He didn’t get that while star didn’t, at the time, want to date him ignoring her would hurt her... though that on’es not on him. He’s not a bad guy at all but he’s not at all great at reading people or being selfless.

 He’s getting there, stump day showed him put stars needs before Marco’s and not out of any selfish dick measuring contest but because he knew what she wanted and what made her happy, but it’s hard to have empathy for a problem you don’t get how bad it is. To tom it’s just getting stopped once in a while and then having to glower or literally roast someone. To these monsters... it’s a life of being denied a decent standard of living, housing and being treated as a crminal and a beast just for existing. Tom has a fancy castle, loyal subjects, tons of money.. his privlage has insulated him from the real dangers of being the minority he is, of getting beaten up by the cops or arrested just for being a monster. And yes i’m using real world paralells.. but so does the end of this episode so shhh. It’s also a moral that hits home since as a white person, the last year has hit me HARD with just how much I didn’t know about the racial situation in america and how complacient i’d become. I wasn’t actively racist.. but like many americans I had the bad tendency to forget the horrible things that happpend on a daily basis to people of color in this country when it got out of the news. Privlage can blind you, and I cannot speak for if it does so for any real life minorties as i’m not touching a subject i’m not qulaified to talk on due to being super white with a ten foot pole, but I can speak for me that sometimes you just.. dont’ notice a problem unless i’ts happening to you. And while it has happened to tom it’s such a minor inconvience he probably just forgets about it and moves on. And these next two episodes with him, though we have some plot stuff to get too before we get back to Tom in feburary, are him getting his bubble popped and realizing just WHAT Star has been fighting against. And Star’s own privlage will be an issue later.. but we’llg et to that in it’s own time.  So while Tom skulks off Rich startles Marco to get him to do his kung fun hand pose “the sword hand dance” and everyone uses it to dance which Marco understandably objects to until kelly asks him to dance. Cue adorable ship tease.. again this is why i’m thrownig in the kelco episode in the next batch: because the trajectory of this relationship eeerily lines up with tom episodes. No sense avoiding the ONE other episode about the ship , especially if i’m going out of my way to cover the Meteora arc on top of it and my other 80 projects. And regular coverage. And comissions. And you get the idea it’s a lot but i’m happy to do it. 

Meanwhile we meet Slime, a friendly slime monster who introduces himself to penelope and her massive spider bite... and then drips a bit giving her the wrong impression. Thankfully.. this does not turn into the PG-Rated versoin of BLue from the heathers musical. 

No he just was offering to aloe up her spiderbite, and she’s all too happy to accept since her family never thought about it.. though as we see next season their not against it suprisingly. They are still dicks though. But not racist, though that’s a very low bar to clear and only gives them credit because mewni as a whole is pretty racist when it comes to Monsters. Point is I hate their parents but love these ship as the two share some ship tease and go downstairs.. only to get attacked.  Meanwhile, Marco’s getting a goblin dog while being watched by Henious.. who despite Gemini’s objections.. no longer cares about her cheeks as she grins sinesterly and has him play her music, some heavy metal. FORESHADOWING!

Back at the party, Star adreses her public and is all proud and blushy.. till Penelope stumbles in, covered in scars, telling the crowd something took Slime.. and both sides start blaming one another, especially since it turns out a LOT of the monsters have gone missing. So with everything she worked towards and had achieved crumbling, Star calms the crowd and says she’ll investigate. Outside Marco is getting a goblin dog with roy, and wondering why he has strawberry, who orders a strawberry.. who wants that? And then decides to get one out of curiosity which I would but i’m also fat and love strawberries so i’m not a beacon of good decisionmaking. 

So Star grabs him before he can roll that metaphorical dice and passes tom who tries to downplay her concerns and get her to go make out, thinking that’s what’s going on despite that.. making no sense, as a ton of them are missing and 6 is a bit much for polyamory.. I mean it works for some people 

But not everyone can be a majestic space grandma whose also a caterpillar. And their too young to orgy so that’s out too. Point is Tom is an idiot this time and Star RIGHTFULLY calls him out for belitting her cause, not really caring about it, or the other teens who are in danger right now from god knows what and tells him to either help or get out of the way. 

So while Tom licks his well earned wounds, Star and Marco journey into the depths and find a campsite with fresh dog eared pages indicating whoevers behind the abudictions is not only sapient, but still here... oh and it somehow gets worse as they find out WHOSE behind it. 

And a second question you might be having: Who dis. Well this is Mina Loveberry, solarian warrior, whose a legend in Mewni and was one of star’s childhood heroes who she found wondering around homeless and clearly not mentally well in the park on earth.. and then tried to conquer it, but the electoral process stopped her... I don’t know why but a half crazed maniac being defeated by due electoral process makes me feel all warm and fuzzy right now, on this specific day this is coming out late on. Hmmmm.. INTERESTING aint it? 

Point is Mina is a super powerful, super not in her right mind super warrior, who is naturlaly the kidnapper, as this episode also reveals she’s violently racist and assuemed something was up and whiel Star, who despite said cou still loves and respects her and gets she’s not well, tries to talk her down it increasingly becomes clear there’s no reasoning with her. And really with most racists.. there isn’t. Racisim isn’t something that’s rational and while some people are just indocrinated at a young age and CAN be turned around on it.. some are just so deeply up their own ass with hatred you can’t reason with them or save them. You just have to stop them. Via impeaching them, making sure they get called out and taken out of office.. or in this case using rainbows on them.  But we’ll have to wait a second as a bunch of debris falls on mina taking her out!

.. Only to reveal Henious and while Marco’s willing to fight her and her posse, Raasticore grabs star and henious hooks him up to the brainwash machine, probably planning to kill him with it while playing the music

But before she can kill or do worse to one of our heroes.. the door behind them opens up.. and reveals a child’s play room. 

And Henious.. gives up on the attack and enters, disturbing Gemini as she looks around in what’s easily one of the best scene sin the entire series: her slow walk, the way the animation follows her as it sinks in just what Metora might be.. and her picking up two dolls, the ones seen above.. her dolls to Gemini’s increasing discomfort. And while the animation is stellar and utterly moving as we slowly put the pieces together... it’s Walter’s delivery that REALLY STUNS.Gone is the harsh, unforgiving nightmarish woman we’ve known.. and instead is someone whose confused.. and remembering. Remembering WHY she has those cheek marks, remembering this was her room, her home.. and those were her parents. She remembers now.. and Mina rises to say of course she did “I knew you’d be back here one day meteora!” And as Gemini tries to refute this.. Meteora agrees with MIna, no longer henious at last freed form her deep and abusive brainwashing we’ll cover soon enough. And deeply confused. And as everyone else is deeply confused... Mina, not realizing this whole thing was covered up, again we’ll get to that soon too, spells it out for them and the audience in case you missed it. When Star asks how Eclipsa plays into any of this? “Don’t you ding dongs know anything? She’s her mamma!”  (Marco and Star stare in shock as it sinks in) Marco: “Wait HENIOUS is a princess?!”  Star: “she’s a butterfly”

Yeah quite obviously this is one of the biggest wham episodes in the entire series. In one moment we not only find out Henious is indeed a butterflfy as fans thought.. but Eclipsa’s daughter, half monster, and her entire existance raises questions of how much her family hid and if not WHO DID. I mean some of you alreayd know the answer but the rest of you can wait a week.. or a few mintues it’s hinted at soon enough. Point is Star has questions.. questions the violent racist whose pretty messed up in the head for a variety of the reasons and spent decades hunting her.. is not willing to hear out and instead prepares to smite her. While Star tries DESPERATLEY to talk her friend out of this it’s very clear Mina’s not going to listen... so Star rainbow fists her.. and prepares to face her former friend and inspiration for Meteora’s saftey and the answers she BADLY needs right now. Oh and just in case you thought “oh well the magical girl who sounds like amy sedaris can’t be that big a threat”... Yeah I didn’t mention broly for nothing. 

Mina bulked up. Meet Solarian Mina. And like the Legendary Super Sayian form from Dragon Ball.. i’ts a beserker of a form that turns the already obessive and insane Mina.. into an unstoppable rage fuled killing machine with horrifying levels of power who can beat down anyone nearbye. And unlike Broly, where he was just a one in a million fluke in both versions... Mina was PLANNED to be this. The solarian program was something Eclipsa’s mom came up with, a series of spells that slowly turn the target into a rampaging super soldier. It’s like if Nuke from marvel comics, a vietnam era version of captain america who dind’t turn out so good, was INTETIONAL; 

As you can see it removes fear.. but also the targets concisce, so Mina is incapable of empathy or being cure dof her racisim. Solaria turned her from a humble volunteer just hoping ot help and improve her station into the crazed monster star now faces.  And as the Broly comparision should make clear... yeah Star dosen’t do so good and neither does Marco. She shrugs off Star’s hits and while botht he kids and meteora escape, both just piss Mina off MORE, and put star in more danger as she’s thrown around like a ragdoll.  She then runs into tom who shows off his growht: While he was a dick up there.. unlike before where he assumed he was always the wronged party.. he realized he crossed a line and while he dosen’t know WHY he did, is still willing to apologize and presumibly talk about it. A bit clueless yes but it’s effort and his tone is sincre so it’s less “I’m apologizing for whatever I guess” bullshit and more “I genuinely don’t know wha ti did wrong please tell me so I can say sorry”.. which given how awkard tom is with people and how I pointed out his trouble relating to them over htis retrospective, is the more beliviable one.  Naturally while Star does appricate it she’s kinda busy.. and when Tom see’s what’s going on he leaps in with NO hesitation. And given how close the luictors once were and are again with the butterflies it’s doubtful he hadn’t heard of mina so he likely KNOWS what he’s going up against..a nd dosen’t care. His girlfriend needs his help and this person’s trying to hurt her. That’s all he needs to kick her ass. Or try.. unlike with the z warriors.. our heroes don’t win this one. Tom tries a really cool move i’m dubbing the onyx coffin, a black coffin with runes and chains.. that does nothing to her. She breaks out and our heroes flee and Mina causes a massive ruckuss above, and the only reasons our heros don’t die.. is that the knights and Rhombulus of the high comission arrive.  And since the high comission are going to be vastly important a refresher: The high comission were created by glossaryck, the little man who lives in stars book who used to be voiced by an asshole and next season is voiced by keith motherfucking david, to police the multiverse and it’s various issues. The four we know are Lekmet: a goat man who died last season and controlled entropy and could heal at the cost of his own life hence the death, Hekapoo, a close assiocate of marcos who controls the scissors beings use to cross dimensions and can do so herslef effortlessly, Omnitraxus Prime, a powerful and giant antler skulled being who watches space time and timelines and is voiced by Karl Weathers so...

And Rhombulus, a diamond headed he-man reject with snakes for hands becaue his dad is a well documented dickhead.. no really that’s the entire explination i the book of spells: Glossaryck turned his hands to snake to teach him the lesson i’ts hard to get through life with snake hands. He’s a gung ho guy who imprisons the wrost of the worst criminals thus his presence here as Mina clearly had a falling out with the comission and thus flees.  So while Star and Tom are given blankets afterwords and some cocoa, Tom comforts her and admits if nothing else.. he gets it now, having been finally faced with the type of horrible shit monsters have had to deal with in the past and sees why his girlfriend tried hard to help it. But Star.. realizes she can’t fix this that easy. That she dosen’t know enough and clearly ther’es even more than she ever could’ve thought possible she has ot know if she’s going to fix this.. and that it’s not an EASY problem to fix. You really CAN’T fix racisim you can just make society better, but you’ll never be rid of people like Mina. Though this arc will.. yeah in one of the more baffling decisions Mina is given this huge reindrocution, with Amy Sedaris showing that while a very funny lady and a very talented actress as bojack had previously shown off for both.. she can be FUCKING TERRIFYING. But nope, she’s just..g one outside of a cameo, gets beatne off screen and dosen’t become big bad for a season. And I get it, the metora arc needed room.. but you had a WHOLE EXTRA EPISODE to have her defeat mina. Inastead you used it for Marco Jr which amounted to almost nothing and could’ve been saved for season 4 wher eit probably woudln’t of been terrible. I”ll get to that one some day. Point is it’s bad storytelling. 

So yeah Star’s feeling lost, her family history is in flux, she got beaten badly, not horribly injrued but still lost handily, her party ruined and  she was hit with the realization her plans were overly idealistic. Well meaning sure but a party was never going to cure this. Oh and Rhombluus naturally isn’t coming clean about why the temple is off limits or what’s going on here so that dosen’t help.  And somehow.. IT STILL GETS WORSE. The Wizard Cops try to take the monsters in , profling them and not having done so and star thankfully talks them out of it but the monster kids turn down any afterparty or anything. They get she means well tbut hte moment’s over. And their not even excesivley sad.. their just.. used to the police treating them like this. Like less than human, like automatic suspects when THEY were the victims. IT’s nothing new... and god does this feel relevant as hell.

And this i where I meant Star’s privlage bites her: While not as bad as tom, it took some very harsh reality for her to see that solving racisim.. is not only nigh imposisble but not that easy. To her it was easy as a party and friendship and what’s worked before in her fairly shelted world. Advetnures or not she’s still a princess whose never experinced prejudice. In both worlds she’s in the majority. It’s probably why Marco conttoned on to monster racism in seconds during “Menipendence Day’ when Star hadn’t her whole life: to Marco, whose latix and thus dealing with all kinds of racist shit his whole life, it was easier to pick it up. He’s firmly part of his culture.. and thus probably firmly aware of the racism he faces. Star is so insulated she just dosen’t get it till it nearly beat her to death. So yeah Star’s at her lowest point, having failed to make things better, the answer to her questions being lost and not sure what’s real. Metora on the other hand as they dodge the cops.. has ascended. As Gemini calls her henious once last time.. she says that’s not her name. 

“My name is meteora”

SHe’s been dreaming the wrong dream.. and it’s long past time she woke up. 

Final Thoughts;  Monster Bash.. is one of the best episodes in the series. Unlike a lot of Seasons 3 and 4 it dosen’t suffer from lack of proper payoff, as the next few episodes deal with how the fuck any of this is happening and why the fuck any of it happened. Mina’s absence nonwithstanding.. this is one of the series best and most gripping arcs. And the swerve is great: you think i’ts Henious doing the kindappings, only for her not to be the threat again just yet. And for her to be something far more. It’s just masterful, starting iwth fun hyjinks and ending in one of the best nad most nightmarish fights in the series if not the best, watching as our heroes slowly but surely LOOSE.. and THEN it gets worse. Out and out a must watch for the series and a sad sign of what it COULD’VE been had it moved past it’s worst insitncts next season and become what i should’ve been.  Next week: We take a tom break as Eclipsa nad Mon investigate all of this and we get the SECOND biggest wham episode in the series. 

Until the next rainbow, be excellent to each other.

[nosoactivehero]

FGO Mastersona Loredump

Because I am That Bitch.jpg, I’m throwing out a bunch of bullshit about my Mastersona/Gudasona/Master OC for Fate Grand Order. Also she’s currently featuring in a fanfic I’m writing, and have gotten two chapters down and posted. So uh....yeah. Trying to spur the writing brain into action. Here we go.

Placing most of this under a cut for the sake of length.

Possible trigger warning for body horror, in relation to scarring/injury.

 Yori Hirata is her name and her game is....well, it’s just saving the world, really. White Hair, half up in a loose bun held together with sticks. As time goes on, slowly loses the ability to do like...any other fucking hairstyle on her own, so it’s either the sticks, or one of her servants does her hair. On that note, hasn’t really cut it much since the Grand Order started. Chaldea has many things, but a barber doesn’t seem to be one of them. Regardless, it’s the bun, or she’s laying around while the likes of Nursery Rhyme or the Dress of Heaven does something with her hair.

Eyes are golden/amber in color, and can pull out a good “you are so fucked look when in the right mood. Fair skin, but as the years go on...well, she gains scars and injuries out the fucking wazoo. Like...by the time of the Lostbelts, she’s partially blind in her right eye. And at the very least, a few fingers in her left hand have been replaced.

Additionally, because I am very much That Bitch.mp3, there’s also corruption of the Command seal! Reaching down her arm, and spreading across her back. 

She is the daughter of Rin and Shirou, in a universe where FGO took place later on, and a few other things were changed. So why the white hair? Well...that’s all in gonna be in the fanfic, so no spoilers there.  But I can tell you that Rin and Shirou are currently living under false identities, and are wanted by the Mage’s Association.

First Servant pulled was Heracles. As time went on, he became part of the Buster ADATS Squad. (Codename for Anti DAT Shit Squad). Quetz and Ruler Martha are also on that squad.

Actually managed to bond with Olga Marie fairly quickly, meaning her death was even harder hitting.

Her main mystic code up until Solomon was the Mage’s Association Uniform, an implicit tribute to the late director...but it was basically burned apart in the Temple of Time. But with the poetic revenge completed, she’s at peace with that. Like it was already decaying after going through every singularity, but it definitely flew apart at the end of arc 1.

Cycles through Mystic Codes after that, has a unique Shinjuku outfit.

Her strategies can be summed in the phrase of “You’re playing Chess, I’m playing checkers” type of thinking. Stupid, direct plans that everyone thinks is too asinine to work in a million years. Singing “Ra Ra Rasputin” to put Ivan to sleep mid-battle? Might as well work.

On that topic? Sea Shanties, she adores them, sings them whenever there’s a sailor or a pirate in the vicinity. Cheers her right up, even at her lowest point. She’s built to be a swashbuckler.

Can cook, learn from her dad growing up. But for some reason Emiya hates her dad’s recipes, so her opportunities to cook are few and far between.

100% romances Mash. Took her out dancing in Babylonia one day, had a moment of realization as they twirled around. Namely, that she was in love. Had their first kiss right before rayshifting into Solomon. 

Top 5 closest servants(after Mash) in no particular order: Irisviel/Dress of Heaven, Heracles, Queen of Sheba, Robin Hood, and Quetzalcoatl. 

You cannot shut her up, do not attempt to shut her up, because she will bite, and yell louder. Verbally spars with Archer Gil on the regular.

She’s either 100% or 0% energy, farming with servants from down to dusk, or spending a day on the couch. No in-between. 

Brash, excitable, takes on everything with an absurd glee.

Really needs therapy.

Regularly needs someone to be a parent for a minute.

Hence the bond with Iri. Has also been adopted by the Emiya clan, forcibly.

Summoned Queen of Sheba WAYYY too early(like I did IRL), to the point where she’s still calling her Midrash to this day. They had a long heart to heart and cry after Solomon.

Carries a weapon on her person, once Mash can’t be by her side 24/7.

Speaking of that, struggles to fall asleep in Shinjuku, since she’s just that used to having Mash in close proximity. 

Has a music room built in Chaldea, slowly introducing servants to modern music.

Far too willing to just tackle Servants at random. 

Slowly picks up a handful of magecraft tricks as time goes on. Mostly the Einzbern birds.

Just...really a chaotic tired girl who’s trying to get her overdue backpay and vacation time.

Please, give her a vacation, one that doesn’t have her in a time loop.

And that...that’s all I got, really. I do have a drawing of her I commissioned stowed away, if you’re interested! But that’s about all I can think of right now.

[inviouswriting]

Cafune

The act of running your fingers through the hair of someone you love

Arjuna x fem!Writer!reader 

smut 

Arjuna has gotten use to the late night sounds of your fingers on keyboards, or the silent scribbling of words as you sit in a corner jotting down things as they flow from your head through your hands.

He can see from his spot on your bed when you are lost in your world. How it ends up in what you use for writing. He enjoys seeing this side of you more than the side that everyone sees. 

You don’t show everyone this side, and you feel in the back of your head his intense stare as he tries to peer over your shoulder enough to read what you write.

Arjuna notes how late it is, and you have been glued almost to your spot, just getting the story in your head out. He also notes how your face seems flushed as you write, curiosity perks in him wondering what you are writing that has you blushing.

You hear the shift from the bed, and soft padding of his feet. You save your progress before turning to look at him. 

“It’s not done.” You are quick to say before he could try to peek. 

“Oh? Something you won’t let me see yet? Master?” His voice holding that one tone of smug interest.

“Be patient, my arrow?” You see his eyes light up at the nickname, making it special between you two. He returns to his spot on your bed. He tugs out one of the hidden books you keep and reads through stories he has already stumbled on before.

Throughout the rest of the evening, he had left to get food for both of you, and reminded you to take a break to take care of water and other things. You are grateful to him for this, otherwise you’d ignore yourself to finish your thoughts. 

By the time you are done writing, you note it is late, and glance over to your archer. A sight that greets you is one you will keep to yourself considering how much he tries to keep himself so immaculate. Book resting on his face, and a hand across his abdomen as he had fallen asleep.

You don’t miss an opportunity to capture it in a photo making sure your volume was off to not wake him with the sound it makes. When you are satisfied in the photos you get of the ever composed Arjuna. You crawl over him, and lay on him enough for him to stir and wake to the weight.

Arjuna tugs the book off of his face, and brown eyes meet yours blinking the fog of sleep out.

“Master? You finished then?” You nod, but are not inclined to move off of him. You note how his hair seems too perfect and much to his dismay you reach through it and mess it up. A small glower from his eyes at his hair tousled. You enjoy his more put together looks, but at the same time you enjoy his natural appearances more.

“You want to read it now? Or would you rather wait till morning?” You ask him, he thinks it over, he wanted to know what you wrote. But there was a prideful look to your eyes, he also wanted to get back at you for messing his hair up.

“I’ll read it.” He says, and you get off of him, letting him wander over to your chair. He leans forward to begin reading. You smile at his back, and gather clothes to go take a much needed shower.

Arjuna sees you disappear into the adjacent bathroom and hears the water run. His attention on your written words, but is soon distracted by another thought. He highlights the spot he was on, and doesn’t miss the chance to be intimate along with a mana transfer.

You had already gotten through most of your shower enjoying the warm water raining down on you that you don’t hear him slip in behind you. Arms circle around your waist and Arjuna presses his face into the crook of your neck. 

“My Arrow?” You are surprised and turn enough so he pins you back against the shower wall. Arjuna gives a quiet hum at your shocked expression, and leans in to seal a kiss with you. You eagerly return it, arms looping over his shoulders and pulling closer.

Innocent at first, quickly turns into more aggressive from him. His hands roam gripping at your hips or parting your legs to allow one hand to cup and press fingers in while his mouth nibbles at your neck.

Your hands go through his hair even more as he settles in leaving love bites along your neck. You enjoy the moments he is tender knowing he could always be rough, you’ve felt it. Easily to turn him that way, all you have to do is tug at the back of his hair.

Arjuna feels it, the comfortable pull of your hand as you grab enough, his eyes meeting yours in a hunger. Seeking permission to let loose. You nod giving him what he needs to carry out his desires.

You feel his free hand grip at your breast as he slips his other hand down to help lift you up using the wall behind as leverage for you both. Arjuna lowers you to his own waist and presses in with a sigh. You cling to him and with the wall behind you you push down to him not wanting to be slow.

Arjuna feels your hands back in his hair, and tugs firm as he moves with you. He hears your cry as you slip further on his length. You feel your face heated up more from seeing him smirk at making you cry out for him. 

The water running over both of you adds to the sensation and keeps things fluid between you as he thrusts harder. His name at the end of your tongue, mixed with calling him your arrow. He is more than happy with his nickname.

A change of position happens when Arjuna notes how hard it was to keep you up, and has you bend in front of him facing the wall now. He commits to memory the sight of you pressed against the tiles arms splayed above as you look over your shoulder to him.

“This is a good look for you, Master.” You catch that mild gleam to his eyes as he pushes back into you, now not worried about being slow or gentle. He picks up pace fast, to make up for changing positions.

He casts his eyes down to look at you as you accept him into yourself. How much of you is stretched to accommodate him, his eyes follow the slow pushes in, and draw backs. Even a grin on his lips at how his dark skin is swallowed by pink.

Arjuna hears your keens under your breath and enacts his own little revenge with grabbing enough of your hair to tug it till your head is arched back. You gasp at the brief inflict of pain that comes with hair pulling. He never yanks, he does it in a way that is pleasant.

Each thrust back into you is accented with a pull of your hip on the side with his free hand. Arjuna tugs you to him, even going as far to lean over your back and buries his face into your neck. Placing bites on it as his movements are wilder, more needing of relief.

Arjuna wraps his arms at your waist, moving one hand between your legs from underneath to rub at your clit, while his other arm keeps wrapped at your abdomen as his thrusts are hard giving into need now, his own voice slipping out.

He tests something with you, and reaches for a bottle of lubricant you keep in the shower for other antics. Among a few stray toys. You see him pick out a smaller vibrator, and your face darkens with lust as he stills long enough to do something. He has done this before with you, but you are surprised when you feel the lubricated toy pressing slowly into your ass. 

Arjuna had chosen a much smaller toy, and knows it won’t do anything beyond the mild discomfort at first. You feel it eased halfway, your face burning at such a sensation, that when he turns on the device he wasn’t prepared to see you so undone before.

You push back to his hand and he resumes thrusting. Being slower at his pushes in while thrusting the vibrator in tandem to his rhythm.

“You have gotten very wet. Are you enjoying this?” He asks, he tilts the toy towards to run parallel with his cock. You are lost to pleasure itself, and shaking on your feet from the combined pleasure running through you. Arjuna’s name at the end of your tongue in a frequent chant. The archer focuses the vibrator just right, and feels the results.

You are first between you two to peak, from his rubbing and thrusts hitting that one spot that made you see stars. Your knees almost give out if it weren’t for him holding you up. He buries deep to fill you all with calls of your name.

Arjuna pulls from you, and tugs the vibrator out dropping it at your feet for the time being. He lowers his gaze as his thumbs spread your folds apart enough to see his seed seep out. He helps you sit down in the shower, and goes about cleaning the vibrator, putting it away then sets about caring for you fully. 

He takes advantage of this time alotted to him to pamper you in massages, and affection. You’re the only person to see him without the mask he puts up. You both return to the main room, and you are dressed in a loose robe. Arjuna fits you into your bed, and he goes back to finish reading what you wrote for him this time.

“You didn’t finish reading before you joined me?” You raise up on an arm and see him glance over.

“You were much more inviting than this and I can always pick up where I left off. You on the other hand. I couldn’t miss out joining you. Master.” You feel relaxed, though you trembled here and there from the sensations you felt.

You feel yourself blushing and curl into one of the blankets. You see him get interested in the read once he latched onto his name written in it. You see him glance over, with a hot look to his eyes. Realizing what you wrote and were blushing about earlier.

After he got to a certain point you see him save his spot, then move to join you on the bed. Another look in his eyes, prideful and knowing.

“I take you got to a good spot? Arjuna?” You lay on your back at his urging.

“I did, and I rather act out what I had just read. Master, I think you would allow me?” You nod shyly, and he hums in approval. You are kissed and pushed down to the bed to begin another round with him.

[fandom-meanderer]

Beauty and the... [Pt. 5]

Pairing: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd x Reader, Sylvain Jose Gautier x Reader, Felix Hugo Fraldarius x Reader

Part: (5/?) [First] [Previous] [Next]

Genre: Romance, Drama

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

P.o.V.: 2nd

Word Count: 2,239 Words

Warnings: None

Further Notes: Sorry for the long wait, lovelies, I hope you enjoy~

Hey, stop pulling!” You shout. Sylvain pouts. “Why are you so desperate to get to this place anyways?”

“I have to get there before she does, (Name), otherwise I’m going to have to figure out how to explain to her why our hands are stuck.”

“Oh right, you had a date tonight,” you roll your eyes. Sylvain pouts and tugs you along faster, hiding behind a pillar. After all, you couldn’t let just anyone see you, it would spell disaster for both of you. “Okay, so to get the the dining hall we’ll just stay back here and—“

“(Name)! I’ve been looking all over for you.” You and Sylvain look at each other in pure terror.

“Oh shit it’s Dimitri!” You both whisper/yell. You push Sylvain into one of the bushes just as Dimitri steps into your line of sight, you place your conjoined hand in the bush, not so subtly, might I add, and smile up at the prince.

“Dimitri! What’s up?” You ask, laughing nervously. Dimitri just smiles.

“You left the dining hall so fast, and I figured you would be hungry,” he says, handing you a wrapped up sandwich. Your eyes light up. If it weren’t for your sticky situation you’d hug him, but that can wait.

“You know me so well, Dima,” you cry. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“Cleaned my room,” he laughs. “Would you like to accompany me to—“

“NO!” Your response came out too quick, too harsh. Dimitri blinks, slightly taken aback by the sudden outburst, before he settles once again. “I mean, I can’t. You know, I’ve been studying a lot lately, so I’m a bit packed right now. Thank you, though,” you say.

“Oh, you should’ve let me finish,” Dimitri says. “I was heading to the library, and if you’re heading that way to study, I would like to accompany you.”

‘Shit, oh fuck, oh shit,’ you mentally cursed. Your eyes drifted to the bush.

“You know what? It’s fine Dima, plus Sylvain and I are still looking for whatever it is that he lost,” you whistle. “I’ll try to catch up with you, though.”

“Well, alright then,” Dimitri frowns.

“Bye, Dima!” You wave at him. He slowly waves back.

“Good bye,” he says sadly. He walks off and you let out a heavy breath.

“Tragic. That was tragic,” Sylvain poked his head out of the bush.

“If I didn’t love you I would’ve snapped you in two, Syl.”

That made his heart skip a beat. Whether that was because of possible love or pure fear, Sylvain would decide later. For now, the stars aligned so that he could show you how much of a perfect guy he is. He could envision it now, it would be flawless and effortless, after all, he’s known you for so long now, it would only be a matter of time before you would eventually fall for his charms, right?

“You know what, (Name)? I, for one, have had a change of heart.” Sylvain steps out of the bush and places a leaf behind your ear, which you quickly take off and toss aside.

"Oh boy, I don't like the sound of that," your voice was laced with worry and Sylvain's smirk only grew. "And I don't like that look on your face either, what are you up to, Gautier?"

"Only good things, Sugar," he smiles. You're even more off put and you try to tug away, but you, of course, ended up pulling him closer.

“No, no way, Jose,” you shake your head, gently pushing him off of you.

“Now, now, I know you are nothing but excited to spend an entire 24 hours with the one and only Sylvain Jose Gautier, but patience is a virtue, Sugar, but good things come to those who wait."

"Good goddess, have you lost your mind?" You tugged him down to your height and your free hand immediately moved up to Sylvain's forehead. Needless to say, Sylvain was more worried about blowing his cover to you than he was about your stuck hands. “Professor Manuela didn't mention anything about idiocracy being a side effect of the charm."

"Hey!" Sylvain pouts.

"And your forehead is exceptionally warm," you hum. Sylvain grabs your wrist and pulls your hand off gently.

"Can't keep your hands to yourself, huh?" He says in a suave voice. Your expression falls.

"Oh, just kidding, you're perfectly fine," you turn on your heel and tug him along with you, and he reluctantly follows. "If we're spending the day together we are going by my rules, are we clear?"

"Yeah, yeah," he waves you off with one hand, his eye catching a student who had just passed by.

"Focus, Sylvain! We can't let anyone see--"

"See what?" Ashe's voice stops you this time. You and Sylvain turn your heads and stare at the smaller boy. He presses his lips in a tight line as his gaze falls on your conjoined hands, and a light pink appears on his cheeks. "Ah... ah, I see. Well, I won't bother you two now... haha... Bye!" He darts off. You and Sylvain stare at the spot your classmate was just standing in for a few more moments before, and Sylvain could pinpoint this moment exactly, something shifted behind your eyes.

"Get that archer," you command.

"On it." You and Sylvain break into a sprint and, as soon as you catch up to Ashe, loop him in your grasps and pull him into one of the empty classrooms. He starts sputtering nonsense words and the more he spoke the redder he became and the longer you listened, you could swear, the more confused you became as to why Ashe would be much more embarrassed than you at the moment, but after a few moments he stopped himself.

"I won't tell Dimitri," he squeaks out. You and Sylvain look at each other and start laughing.

"Oh, geez, Ashe, that's not why we cornered you," you explain. "Look, Sylvain here made a stupid mistake, what's new,” a scoff from Sylvain interrupted you momentarily, “and got our hands stuck together. But I don't want anyone to get any ideas, Ashe, so can you please keep this to yourself?"

“Like you haven’t made mistakes, sugar,” Sylvain says aside.

“Shut up, Syl.” You shoot him a glare. “Can’t you do this one favor for me, Ashe?”

"But... But what about class tomorrow? Don't tell me that you're just not going to show up, what will the Professor think?" Ashe frowns.

"We'll tell the Professor about out situation, Ashe, just please, please don't tell anyone about this," you plead. Ashe looks to the floor uncomfortably and sighs. "I know you don't like lying, Ashe, but you know how the others can get sometimes, and goddess forbid if Dimitri found out, the misunderstandings would be all over the place," you explain.

"Alright, I won't tell anyone," Ashe promises. You and Sylvain sigh in relief. "When is this supposed to be fixed?"

"Well, it's a 24 hour charm," you say. "And Sylvain and I have been stuck together for, what, four hours now?" You look at him for confirmation, but he just shrugs. You roll your eyes and look back at Ashe.

"Well, assuming that you two got stuck together when you left the dining hall, I would say about four hours," Ashe agrees. "What do I say if anyone asks about you two?"

"Uh... Just say we're sparring, or something," Sylvain spits out. "Or better yet, just say that you haven't seen us."

"Right..." Ashe eyes him suspiciously. "I wish I could do more to help, I'm sorry about your situation," he says. You shrug.

"Things happen, I was just unlucky enough to be around Sylvain when fate struck," you complain. "Alright, I have a lot of work to catch up on, so we'll go first. Thanks again, Ashe."

Now, after a series of tug-of-war all the way to the dorms, you and Sylvain sat in your room, the latter sprawled out on your bed, and you at your desk. Words cannot explain the frustration that was having your dominant hand stuck onto your best friend. Your words written on paper were almost anything but legible, and the position you found yourself in was rather uncomfortable at that note as well. After what had to be the hundredth sigh from you, Sylvain rolls over and stares at you, his face still pressed against your pillow.

Truth be told, this wouldn’t have been the first time you had held hands with Sylvain, although the last time the two of you did this was because you were five and got lost in the castle gardens. You look over to Sylvain and you could practically see the cogs working in his head. It was that concentrated expression he usually had on while in battle, the one where he would pull his eyebrows close together and press his lips into a slightly tighter line. In all honesty, you had to admit, if the two of you weren’t so close, you might have considered him as a crush of sorts.

But nearly 16 years of friendship tends to do that to a person. You know him too well to entertain the idea at this point. After finally having enough of his ceaseless staring, you finally speak up.

“What’s up?” You finally ask.

“I was just thinking about some things,” Sylvain breaks his stare from you and looks elsewhere.

“I’m sorry you had to ditch your date,” you mumble. “Instead you’re stuck to your little sister,” you roll your eyes.

Little Sister.

Did you just?

Did you just brother-zone him?!

The Sylvain Jose Gautier. Most popular boy in all of Garreg Mach. Women want him and Professors fear him. This won’t do, no, not at all. He pushes himself off of your bed and walks over to you, resting his head on top of yours. But you were, very visibly, unfazed as you continued writing your paper. Then he realized, he had vastly overdone it through the years. The skinship, the clinginess, his worst fear has come true. You’ve become completely USED to it.

“Who is it?” The knock at the door only registered now.

“Ah, it’s Mercedes! You’ve been missing all day, and Dimitri said you were acting strange earlier.”

Panic, sheer panic, in both of your eyes.

“Get in the closet.”

“What?!” Sylvain half whispered and yelled. You roll your eyes and push him in, piling a ton of your clothes on top of him.

“Come in,” you called out to the door.

“This is so dumb,” Sylvain comments, to which you squeezed your hand harder, signaling to him to shut the fuck up. Mercedes came in shortly after you responded.

“Hey, Mercedes,” you smile, “I’m just going through my closet, as you can see.”

“Ah! Do you need any hel—“

“No!” Again the answer came out too quickly. Mercedes flinched slightly. “I mean, it’s just so much, I don’t want to trouble you… plus, it’ll be easier if I just do it, I have a certain way I organize my things,” you add on. Mercedes nods slightly, but you don’t miss the skeptic look in her eyes.

“Oh, well I’m glad you’re doing fine then, good luck,” she smiles. She points to the door. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, of course,” you smile. She walks out the door and you let out the breath you had been holding.

“You know,” Sylvain sticks his head out from your pile of clothes. “I don’t really understand why it’s such a big deal. We can just tell them that our hands are stuck together.”

“I mean we could, but it would be such a hassle to deal with the teasing after it,” you frown. “But, you do have a point. We still have a whole half of a day tomorrow like this.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” Sylvain chuckled.

“You are holding on to my dominant hand, Syl, I can’t do anything with my free one.”

“Well you’ve been saying that you want to become ambidextrous, right? Now’s your chance!”

“Your optimism is tiring me out, Syl,” you rub your temples slightly and pull him out of your closet. You toss your pillow on the floor. “You’re sleeping there tonight.”

“What?! Why?! It’s not like we haven’t slept in the same bed before.”

“That was when my bed was a queen-size. Now it’s tiny, and you’re huge. I want to sleep comfortably tonight.”

“At the expense of my comfort?!”

“Yes. It’s the least you could do, I mean you’re the one who got us stuck in this mess.” Sylvain couldn’t argue with that, you had a point. So, without another word, he laid down on the carpet, staring at your conjoined hands that dangled off the side, it almost seemed too innocent. But if only you knew how his heart raced whenever he saw it.

Sylvain was left to his thoughts, he had assumed that you fell asleep long before already, but for reasons obvious he couldn’t even close his eyes. He wondered when exactly it was that his feelings for you had shifted, was it that time in the gardens? He remembered how scared you looked, sitting next to the grandiose fountains. Was it when you ran over to him and told him that Felix was bullying you again? No, to both of those. Of course he knew when it was. It was when you told him you liked Dimitri. Because it was then he realized what he had to lose, and despite the overarching need to support you in anything, the ball and chain that was his feelings for you would always hold him back. Again, he looked at your hands and whispered, “I don’t want this to end.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you dared not move a single muscle to indicate even in the slightest that you were awake.

--

Tag List: Add yourself here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1js1n5ct5_Mk81-HNrybzvp287bK7h6Xuu-coPJwPu3k/edit?usp=sharing

[loudestsounds]

Top 50 Records of 2020

50- Melee by Dogleg

           You like some punk in your cereal? It’s a part of a healthy breakfast. Melee has something truly special here. It’s high octane when it needs to be while still maintaining precision and focus in the instrumentation and recording. Ultimately what’s compelling about the record is how frustrated everything sounds while still managing to maintain melody. It’s the sound of breaking shit to rhythm!

49- Grae by Moses Sumney

           A stunning and rich concoction of songs that leaves you bewildered. Moses Sumney has made something deeply personal while still inviting you inside. While the second half (which was released a few months apart from the first) tends to make the entire album feel a touch long-winded, the effort is well-executed and often breathtaking.

48- Fail to Be by Yashira

           This one snuck in at the last minute. A totally earth-shattering metal record that is determined to damage your dome permanently. There’s certainly a heavy dose of Converge influence all over the record, but Yashira manages to separate themselves from the pack with excellent song writing and unique choices. Production wise this record might be par for the course, but there are some nice little touches on tracks like The Weight and Amnesia that create wonderful depth.

47- Man on the Moon III by Kid Cudi

           I went into this thing with on giant sigh but left questioning whether I had accidentally pressed play on another album. Kid Cudi manages to pull something off! Cudi somehow takes inspiration from the genre that took inspiration from his own catalogue of music circa 2005. This is a terrific record to zone out to and let play out. Will this record rival some of the big stack bullies of hip hop? No. Cudi was never about that. He’s always been about mood and this is one moody son of a-! There are some clear skippable tracks (see: Elsie’s baby boy) but he also lands some excellent grooves on Solo Dolo, Pt. III, Lovin’ Me and Tequila Shots. While the record does suffer from overstaying its welcome with an 18 song track list—it manages not to take you out of the experience.

46- Whole New Mess by Angel Olsen

           WNM was poorly marketed as a distinct album, despite being essentially stripped back versions of 2019′s All Mirrors. Audiences were met with disappointment at having only two fresh songs to sample. The reality is it doesn’t fucking matter. Angel Olsen has done no wrong for her entire career. These songs can breathe in a ‘whole new’ way on this record and allow the listener greater insight while simultaneously haunting the walls of the record. Lark and Tonight (Without You) take on an entirely different life, and New Love Cassette feels like a different song entirely. Even Olsen’s scraps feel like fully realized ideas. Still—the title track steals the show, as we hear Olsen at her most desperate. Usually overwhelming the listener with her poise and sharp wit, Olsen promises that she’ll really do the change. She doesn’t have to change a thing.

45- Eastern Flowers by SVEN WUNDERS

           This one caught me off guard in the summer and I had it playing in the background of everything I was doing. Cleaning. Studying. Working. Eastern Flowers is middle eastern music made by Nordic people and I stopped trying to figure out how that happened a while ago. There is a lovely energy here, one that fuses traditional middle eastern melodies with funk embellishments. Eastern Flowers is just a really fun time.

44- The Archer by Alexandra Savior

           I had skipped Savior’s first record entirely before diving into the sophomore album. Going back, it’s clear that she has developed a great deal in the meantime. Despite Alex Turner producing the last one, the song writing takes the haunting details to whole new heights. Savior seems more confident in her voice, and also more willing to play with it in production (the ghostly tone on her voice in Soft Currents a testament). Savior separates herself from artists with a similar voice or who rest beside her within her genre, in how long she is willing to simmer within a song. These aren’t typical arrangements and it’s exciting to hear Savior throw you for a loop on songs like Howl and But You. We’re all excited for what lies next.

43- Push by Heads.

           Angry. Aggressive. Anxious. Push is a record that feels like the moments that build up before a massive protest. You are constantly pushed to the edge as the listener. There is a sinister element to the vocals that is deeply unsettling. Most songs slowly build with the promise of something bigger, instead reaching success simply by maintaining tension. Then there are songs like Weather Beaten and Nobody Moves & Everybody Talks that change the narrative, exploding into a punishing breakdown. Heads. Have something truly electric and angry on their hands here, and we’ll go along for the ride.

42- Indistinct Conversations by Land of Talk

           Many stripped-back and bare tracks on this one from Montreal’s own Land of Talk. It hits you about halfway through that the album is obsessed with loving one’s own history. Even when things have failed to work out, many songs suggest that we can only look back fondly. Opener Diaphonous warns I was caught up in the wrong stuff/ but I have to laugh. There are moments of greatness on this record, like the rushing movement of Look to You and the twangy riff of Footnotes—yet the marvel is in the consistent beauty, never wavering.

41- Are You Gone by Sarah Harmer

           A really soothing yet fun indie rock record that satisfies my craving for the music I loved as a teenager. There are some lovely arrangements and melodies from Harmer on this one, and while the mood is a touch sad, you’re happy you got to share in the emotion of it all. The album oscillates between more intimate moments and full-band jams, which create a nice balance—as if you’re moving in and out with the tide.

40- Circles by Mac Miller

           I was never the biggest Mac Miller fan. I wasn’t all that familiar with his catalogue before Swimming, and I perhaps made a point of listening to this posthumous release simply because he passed tragically. Still, the songs seem touched by his state, haunting the listener in combination with what we know ultimately happened to Mac. It’s a real shame it had to end like this, but if there was ever a gorgeous, captivating, and mature release to come at the end of a successful career cut short, Circles was it. 

39- Down to the Lowest Terms: The Soul Sessions by Steve Arrington

           Steve Arrington is back from his cryogenic freeze with a sick friggin’ soul album! These are fun, joyous and lived in gospel/soul tracks that play well in almost any setting. Play this bad boy with your friends, family and even around the office. Nobody will be disappointed. There are also some beautiful production touches that make this a great listen on headphones. Steve wants to tell you all about how funk is the way—and I think I believe him.

38- Atonement by exhalants.

           A fun ripper that makes you want to run up your walls and slam your fists on the floor. Atonement is not active listening per se, at least not in comparison to records released by their cohort, but it certainly puts you in a space that the band creates, dictates and commands. This is a band that has borrowed from others in the genre, but made that rare hardcore record that has just the right amount of hooks while maintaining space to catch ones breath.

37- Petals for Armor by Hayley Williams

           PFA had that multiple EP release thing that a few artists did this year (see: Dirty Projectors). Ultimately the entire project suffered from a touch of bloat—but the incredible songs were spread out enough on this album, that it had to make my list. There are incredible production choices on this record, and it clearly was a labour of love for Williams. The songs are a bit rigid in the vein of Annie Clark, but Williams has a freedom to her vocals that liberates them. I think a more refined 10 track album may have cracked my top 20. Songs like Taken and My Friend don’t seem to have a real purpose on the record other than just being half-baked mood tracks, but they don’t tarnish the effect that songs like Simmer, Over Yet or Sugar on the Rim have on the listener.

36- Farewell to All we Know by Matt Elliott

           Farewell is a collection of the creepiest, saddest and most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard. I don’t usually stray down this path but this is an album that works so well when reading or writing. There is some beautiful poetry on the darkness of the world and the last hopes for mankind. What sets the record apart lays in the details. The haunting echoes of the city streets. The whisper of ghosts that drag behind Elliott’s guitar. The record establishes incredible mood, inviting you in for a glass of despair.

35- Polysomn by Kairon; IRSE!

           My head hurts just trying to write about this record. It’s weird, heavy, melodic. The vocals feel unique to the genre while used sparingly. There is a lot of interesting synth play on this record that might invite listeners outside of the genre—but that also add depth and feeling to songs that otherwise might feel like trudges through metal music mud. Polysomn is filled with exciting, dynamic elements that are a good entrance into “weird, heavy music” for you listeners out there. I won’t pretend to know how this band does what it does any longer. Just enjoy.

34- Impossible Weight by Deep Sea Diver

           Frankly, the record is difficult to talk about without making it seem like it sounds like basically all of its contemporaries. In fairness, Deep Sea Diver shares a lot of commonality with the likes of Weyes Blood, Broken Social Scene, Sharon Van Etten (who even features on the title track). That said, everything sounds great on this record. The songs are tight, the melodies hang effortlessly and the vibes are…vibes. There are a ton of interesting choices, from the weird arrangements on Hurricane, reminiscent of Wolf Parade- to the videogame synths on Lightning Bolts. It never gets tired or boring—it just stands as an excellent indie pop/rock record that you can play at your board game night.

33- When I Die, Will I Get Better? by SVALBARD

           Equal parts mathy, metal, prog, emo and god knows what. This album has an intense feel to it that will have you uplifted as you thrash around your apartment. The momentum of these songs truly amazes, as we’re taken for an absolutely blistering ride on almost every track. Nonetheless, the songs find a way to breathe, unlike most of their contemporaries that leave you exhausted by the twenty minute mark. SVALBARD also has an ear for melody that fights typical metal fatigue. I won’t get tired of listening to this one.

32- Silver Tongue by TORRES

           After the bizarre, cryptic disappointment of Three Futures, it didn’t seem clear where TORRES would head. On Silver Tongue she appears to continue a confident journey in her own direction, but with a bit more focus and lot more precision. Where Three Futures was too disorienting to follow and often too indulgent for the listener to feel at all involved, Silver Tongue extends an olive branch—grab hold and you’ll be taken on a strange, glitchy and melodic journey into psychedelic pop rock. While the songs lack warmth, that seems to be the point entirely. There’s a magic in the cold and dreary walls that TORRES builds on the record that impresses with every subsequent listen.

31- The Baby by Samia

           A tremendous indie-rock record with some of the most excitement build-ups and hooks of anything released in 2020. Samia sings about some of the bleak realities of sexual frivolity in one’s twenties, while still somehow gloating about her vinegar and kale diets (all tongue in cheek). There are clear standout tracks (Big Wheel, Fit n Full, Minnesota) – but where Samia shines, and where she separates herself from her cohort of indie rock darlings (see: Soccer Mommy, Snail Mail, Clairo) is how well her slower ballads, such as Does not Heal, land. She is a superior song writer in many respects and has everything ahead of her.

30- Live Forever by Bartees Strange

           A very surreal, genre bending record from newcomer Bartees Strange. Live Forever sounds like totally different music depending on which track you’re on. You have some Death Cab. You have some Bon Iver. You have some Joey Badass? It’s a strange journey through an eclectic, cluttered and heavily talented musical mind.

29- The Ascension by Sufjan Stevens

           While the record as a whole underwhelmed me, Sufjan is still Sufjan. If this record was made by any other artist I’d be telling everyone about it. Many of the sounds felt a bit too familiar, which put me off just a touch. There are still unbelievable moments on this record: the layers on Make Me an Offer/ the dance-pop qualities of Video Game/ the swelling choir section of Tell Me You Love Me/ the build up of tension in The Ascension. There are the more confounding moments: Death Star as a song and not as parody/ Sugar as a slapstick suggestion of romance. Frankly I’m not all that blown away by the lead single, and nearly 13 minute odyssey, America—but I can understand how it operates as a statement of frustration and raw emotion. Nonetheless, Sufjan continues to occupy a space that, while at times mystifying, still leaves you entranced by the mystique of it all. We always leave wanting more, even if we’ve had a bit too much.

28- Set My Heart on Fire Immediately by Perfume Genius

           A gorgeous and lush assembly of songs that feel very personal to PG. The songs are grand, yet surprisingly intimate. One frustration with the songs that I’m still struggling to come to terms with, is that they seem very distant from the listener. We’re not invited into the experiences that the songs discuss—they seem isolated and tethered to the artist. That was likely a conscious decision and suits the subject matter well. Still, for all the warmth and atmosphere—you wish you could go along for the ride. Perfume Genius seems content on operating on their own planet—as we listen through frequency.

27- Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa

           This was certainly the year of Dua. She seems to have realized her final form and it’s truly a great thing to witness and listen to. Future Nostalgia plays out as an exceptional throwback pop record in a pop era dominated by future/hyper industrial production. These songs are poppy and unashamed to be exactly what they are. With the exception of the clumsy songs that bookend the record (the title track is a lacklustre open & Boys Will Be Boys attempts to tie in a loose, feminist concept to the record)—the album as a whole is jam packed with immense hooks. Let’s hope Dua hasn’t peaked because there is so much to love and groove to on this record.

26- KG by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard

           Another instalment of the King Gizzard microtonal series. Unlike Flying Microtonal Banana, KG tends to hit harder and land smoother. There is a ton of groove on this bad boy that gets you comfortably settled, until the boys shake it up with some eclectic, middle east inspired arrangement. The beauty of KG is how you are never allowed to settle into something for too long. You’re almost always moving on to another segment, idea and branch of music that makes you feel...weird. Thanks guys!

25- Quelle by BRIQUEVILLE

           A haunting, drone fuelled romp in the spooky room. Quelle almost puts you to sleep until it urgently shakes you awake with a thunderous riff. It’s clear that every moment of the record is laboured over, every decision painstakingly made. There are moments taken straight out of your favorite horror film, yet the album manages to pull you in closer instead of pushing you away. Bold choices pay off for BRIQUEVILLE on this one, as we enter their world, and almost don’t manage to make it out.

24- Lianne La Havas S/T

           LLH self titles a record that sees her reaching back to a more stripped down, jam-based sound. There are some absolute bleeders on here that see her voice reaching registers she hasn’t covered on previous releases. The live-band recording works in her favor, as the instrumentation is loose enough to create a mood but still manages to quickly snap back to tight and precise progressions. Anchored by a well-executed Radiohead cover (Weird Fishes) the record has a strong b-side to match its grand opening half. The hypnotic qualities of many of the tracks are an especially fun element to the release as the jams tend to work you up wherever you are. La Havas has something very special on her hands with this record, and it’s one I will continue to share for years to come.

23- Omens by Elder

           A softer and, dare I say, poppier release from stoner rock fiends Elder was a welcome addition to music in 2020. There are many long form jams on this record that open themselves up to synths—and while it seems they haven’t totally mastered how to integrate more electronic segments into their riffage, the moods are still tight as hell. Give it a spin with some decent headphones and you won’t be disappointed.

22- Miss Anthropocene by Grimes

           You can try as hard as you’d like to root against Grimes but her music speaks for itself. I looked for ways to tell myself that she had finally waned or has become less inspired—but it’s just not true—she is finely tuned to whatever wavelength is firing on her alien planet. On MA the songs have more space to breathe, often meandering within themselves for over six minutes, until she hits you with a straightforward pop rock track that is so well produced and contains such a great vocal performance, that you simply cannot deny that we have yet another excellent release. It’s freaky, it’s haunting, it’s weird, and at times it’s even pleasurably comic. Grimes is doing it all and she is doing it on exactly her terms. We should expect nothing less.

21- Rough and Rowdy Ways by Bob Dylan

           I won’t pretend to be an expert on Bob Dylan’s catalogue. Nor will I pretend that I know what makes Bob Dylan good or bad. All I know is that Rough and Rowdy ways has great songs that back beautiful poetry. It’s consistently captivating and often, terribly sad. The final track, Murder Most Foul, may be one of the most potent, historical epics ever put to music. All in all, Bob Dylan has something deeply interesting to add to our weird, chaotic, and just plain shitty times.

20- Superstar by Caroline Rose

           The last show I went to was the album release of this record and it absolutely killed. Playing the record front to back, Caroline Rose will always be the pre-pandemic gig that symbolized the lightning before the thunder. Superstar is an excellent concept album about a fictionalized Caroline travelling across country with hopes of become…well… a superstar. Along the way she tosses and turns in a relationship, eviscerates doubt and self-loathing by replacing it with boisterous egotism, and manages to find herself at a finish line exhausted, and yet surprisingly having still learned something. The tracks on this record blend seamlessly into one another as Rose manages to coalesce the synth-rock madness we are used to with tighter song writing and more lyrical purpose. Caroline Rose may have just ended up what she wanted to be along.

19- The New Abnormal by The Strokes

           Everybody talks about a timeless quality that The Strokes early records have and it seems every record they have made since their first two have been made with the purpose of dispelling that very notion. The fact of the matter is, that timeless quality is what has endeared them to fans for two decades. The New Abnormal recaptures their earlier spirit. Sure, there are indulgent nods to the 80s that they seem obsessed with (sometimes to a fault)—with songs like Brooklyn Bridge to Chorus and Eternal Summer. Those songs likely work better in front of a crowd, and tend to actually crowd the record itself. Yet, there is no denying that there are excellent STROKES SONGS on this record that make you feel the way you felt listening to their first two records. The Adults are Talking is an immediate entrance into what made you love them to begin with, and Selfless follows as one of their prettiest ‘ballads’. Not the Same Anymore and Ode to the Mets close the record on an extremely high note, harkening back to the warmth of Room on Fire, with more mature and independent song structures. The true testament to the band’s growth is with their first single At the Door—which is an epic that ebbs and flows through wild croons and jagged synths, asking you to sit down and believe in the song itself. It’s as if The Strokes have been asking us to simply trust them all along.

18- UNLOCKED by Denzel Curry and Kenny Beats

           This is exactly it. Two masters collaborating in what might be their respective primes. It’s so packed, saturated, concentrated, condensed it almost seems like if it were any longer it would make our heads explode. They found the hip hop secret and managed to unlock it for us. While this may qualify as an EP it is an album’s worth of brilliance. It slaps from beginning to end with Kenny Beats saving his best instrumentals that masquerade as demos. Don’t get me wrong—these are brilliant templates for Denzel to cruise along to. Except Denzel does nothing close to cruising, he sets the road on goddamn fire. While Denzel is namedropping Rosa Parks and Don Corleone while recommending his haters go on a diet, he is playful in the same way Joe Pesci was playful in Goodfellas. With every subsequent verse Denzel is requiring that you answer the question: i’m funny how? You are certainly no clown! We swear!

17- NO DREAM by Jeff Rosenstock

           NO DREAM friggin’ rules dude! It took a bunch of listens for me to get the hang of it. I especially felt resistant to the opening track and how the record begins by pummelling you with punk chords—but that’s where Rosenstock is, so you just have to take it. NO DREAM is about giving up on settling for less. Rosenstock yells about hometown washouts, he yells about road trips, he yells about dopes who don’t believe in climate change. But you really feel something once Rosenstock starts to regret some of those lost loves. Maybe he could have behaved. Maybe he reacted too quickly. Maybe he made choices he never thought he’d make. Haven’t we all thought that? NO DREAM is a masterful punk rock record that maintains goofy, crazy, hilarious and fun traits that all good punk records need while providing us with heart that Rosenstock has never shown us before.

16- We Will Always Love You by The Avalanches

           Well, they did it again and snuck in there at the final hour. The Avalanches’ third record is a groovy, cold weather house record, bookended by some sort of intergalactic nonsense. Ultimately, the nothingness means everything, as there is an incredible amount of feeling that rests in the pieced together samples. Features from MGMT, Kurt Vile, Leon Bridges, Denzel Curry and even Rivers Cuomo only add to the madness. While the run-time is a bit long, the songs are quick enough to carry you through swiftly on your back. The Avalanches have once again offered us hypnotic, dream-like listening, perhaps when we needed it most.

15- Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers

           Bridgers has this very special quality about her song writing, where it feels like she’s pulling you close to tell you something and then whispers into your ear a secret that you knew all along. She then pats you on the shoulder, nods her head, and says good luck- all with a smirk.  Bridgers has secrets we don’t have, and that’s what makes her music equal parts haunting and gorgeous. The melodies on Punisher remain in your head for months and while they are deadly serious they also reassure you with a “hey, you know this is just a song, right?”. Songs like Chinese Satellite offer more complex arrangements that are made full (but not heavy!) with string section embellishments. Halloween is the small town folk song about a place you just had to be there to understand. Graceland Too offers a nice release from the shadows that loom all over the record, although it’s never in too much sunlight to become a distraction. The entire album flows effortlessly, and before you know it you’ve reached the breathy scream and laughter at the end of epic closer I Know The End. Life is a game that Phoebe Bridgers is watching us all take bets on. She’ll remind us how it all played out later.

14- Find the Sun by Deradoorian

           These songs are odd, cyclical, hypnotic. The vocals are static and often emotionless. Find the Sun is a masterpiece taken directly from 1972—but thank god it was here to lull us into paralysis in 2020. None of the songs are direct injections, instead they are slow-release capsules that require you to take your time. Opener Red Den has a standard song structure (an anomaly), but still has a haunting, looping chorus that is interpolated with a second chorus that rests three levels lower. Perhaps the most direct track is almost impossible to describe. These songs are riddles or rubix cubes or those goddamn magic eye paintings that you have to look at for three hours to make out a boat (I see you, Mallrats). Deradoorian crafts an album that, despite requiring a certain degree of passive effort (huh?), still goes down smooth. Although clearly inspired by CAN, there is nothing frustrating here that forces you to concede that “maybe art doesn’t need to be understood, man”. This is a gorgeously pieced together album of psych/folk/rock that has earned its place on the mantle.

13- What’s Your Pleasure by Jessie Ware

           A dangerously good pop record that throws you back to the 80s with disco inspired flourishes. Some parts Robyn, some parts Madonna. Jessie Ware has a sound that grows past merely reproducing the music that has inspired her. There are curious and inventive details in songs (like the chorus in Ooh La La or the harmonized layers in the verses of The Kill). The songs take you to groovy heights with their detail, but the record also has some straightforward, power thru dance tracks like Read My Lips that anchor it, never letting you forget that this was meant to be danced to with others. What’s Your Pleasure is a beautifully woven pop masterpiece that never lets you go.

12- Down in the Weeds, Where the World Once Was by Bright Eyes

           Bright eyes is back. This record is an exciting return for the band, one that captures the misery and mysticism that surrounds our age of impending doom. Got to keep on going like it ain’t the end/ got to change like your life is depending on it-- is the first verse we hear from Conor and he never truly lets go of the sentiment. All the tracks are haunted by his past, the bleak world we live in, and the thought of trying to work out a way to make it through the days that feel like years. Down in the Weeds comes out after nine years away from the band, time Conor spent getting married and divorced, and sadly also losing his brother. These happenings find themselves scattered all over the record, as Conor is hesitant to reference them directly, but instead allows them to haunt tracks like ghosts. The instrumentation from Mogis and Walcott is fuller than other Bright Eyes records, the sounds more diverse. If someone asked what Bright Eyes sounds like one could legitimately offer this record as evidence—it is a distillation of many sounds across their entire catalogue. Ultimately what Down in the Weeds does best is remind us that the will to continue through the world is what makes us distinctly human, but also what makes us closer to something greater, something beyond everything. She doesn’t know what a comet does/ you’re approaching as you disappear-- is what we hear on the closing track Comet Song. Bright Eyes brings us closer to a truth we always knew would be just out of reach.

11- Death by Coastlands

           Aptly named, Death is a record about endings. Heart wrenching, devastating, finite and yet oddly satisfying endings. There are very sparing vocals on the record, but the instrumentation offers more feeling than any hardcore record this year. The pacing of songs like Dead Friends, the haunting choir that looms over Marrow, or the breaking of tensions that erupts out of Red Smoke Flare. This record doesn’t need words to evoke feelings of peril, urgency and grief.

10- Songs by Adrianne Lenker

           On not a lot, just forever, Adriane Lenker sings and I want to be your wife/so I hold you to my knife. This line arrives as plea instead of a threat—on an album filled with songs where Lenker reckons with her desperation. She pleas with the past for lost time returned, she pleas with her lovers for mistake forgiven, she pleas with herself for the possibility of change. When added to her catalogue with Big Thief, Songs proves that Adrianne Lenker may be the supreme song writer of our generation. On Anything she describes staring down the barrel of a hot sun as if the imagery were a familiar expression. Lenker tosses poetry at us like she might throw a frisbee. Even if we were positioned well enough to catch it, we could never throw it back, we are lucky to have it all.

09- Host by Cults

           Host didn’t feel like much on my first listen. But it kept burrowing endlessly into my brain. Now I’m waking up in the middle of the night singing the melodies on my way to go pee (No Risk! No Believing! Or Leading...). They nailed all of it. The song writing is crisp. The production is electric and soothing. They lull you to a peaceful calm with lullaby sounding tracks like No Risk. When things are just about to get repetitive they shake you out of your dream state (see: Like I Do). Every track on the record is a standout, but it can only truly be appreciated as one complete, masterful piece of music.

08- how I’m feeling now by Charli XCX

           Sure—it’s a bit of a pandemic time capsule. But holy shit. Charli made this absolute batshit hyperpop record in a month during lockdown. It is truly an unrelenting pinnacle of future pop that will hold up long past this absolute shit show of an era has passed. Charli has this way of making an unsettling listening experience that is also absurdly danceable. There are moments of insane pleasure, unhinged anxiety and bombastic ecstasy. From the promise of once again being together in forever to the claustrophobic realities of quarantine in enemy she covers the entire experience.  These songs really stand alone as brilliant testaments to Charli’s prowess. There is no stopping her as an artist at this point. Oh, and she also did us a tremendous solid by making a danceable record about how we miss dancing together. God bless you Charli, baby.

07- Ohms by Deftones

           This year needed this record. Something loud and clear as hard rock punishment. Deftones have what I believe to be their best record. Their sound has never been more crisp, focused or melodic. There are definitely new areas that Deftones explore on this record. From Spell of Mathematics to the title track—there’s a sharp attitude that plunges into their already excellent formula. The little details and flourishes of synth in songs like Genesis and Pompeji make all the difference (the latter’s transition into This Link Is Dead a clear standout)—allowing the record to breath and the listener to feel overwhelmed with, might I say, the world they have created. The album is full of beautiful moments of focus that keep the tension the band has built and cultivated for over a decade.

06- Fetch the Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple

           Fetch the Bolt Cutters is a record that maybe wasn’t for me at all. I firmly believe that women understand more of this record than I ever could. There’s so much brilliance in the pots and pans percussion that accompanies most tracks. There’s an energy that studio drums could never bring. And well, the songwriting speaks for itself. It’s an undeniable culmination of all of her influences. Fiona Apple is a songwriter that simply doesn’t exist anymore (some of her cohort has actually, sadly, died).

The most valuable lesson Fiona teaches us is that there is no perfect way to get over anything. But we are meant to wrestle with endings. Maybe we are all meant to move on. Making friends, sneering at enemies. Like beasts in the wild. Life might be one big game of axis and allies. Like Fiona walking on her way to school, we “grind our teeth to a rhythm invisible”. This record proves that we should each bring our mouthguard.

05- Every Bad by Porridge Radio

           Every Bad is the room that your loneliness goes inside of to scream. Porridge Radio has an absolute masterpiece on their hands. Absolutely punishing lines that carve away your own anxiety with excellent songs that switch things around constantly. There isn’t a single stale song on the record and yet they work so cohesively. Every Bad is constantly asking us to self-examine, to dig a little deeper. What is going on with me? Is the first lyric you hear on the record. I’m coming home is the last. The record spans the cycle of existential dread guiding you through difficult choices and it could not have come at a better time.

04- St. Cloud by Waxahatchee

           I think I like Americana music. I probably knew that when I couldn’t resist the sing-along qualities of Killers records like Sam’s Town or Battle Born—but Crutchfield’s 2020 record has solidified for me. The writing here is too good to be true. Equal parts poetry and melody, her voice has this raw quality that really carries home when she plays up the southern twangs and drawls. The album feels obsessed with new beginnings after brutal endings. Hometowns on fire and the power of choosing to move on. The lyrics still feel haunted by the weight of memory (St. Cloud), and the anxiety surrounding what might come next (Ruby Falls), but the fresh approach to song writing has Waxahatchee sounding the best they ever have.

03- RTJ 4 by Run the Jewels

           They did it again. Not much to say here. It never gets old and it never feels stale. The records still feel like their own distinct hip-hop manifestos. The boys seems just as angry as they always did. The album arrived in the midst of a revolutionary cloud that hung over the world. The album is proof that we should expect it to remain overcast. The production on this thing is just as sleek, with El-P switching things up in bold ways on tracks like Goonies vs. ET. Some of the older tricks are used again, we have our comedown track with Pulling the Pin, we have our rock sample track with The Ground Below, we have our standout single with Ooh La La. The predictability of these songs may sound as if the album is formulaic but that’s beside the point. The fist will still knock your ass down, even if you knew it was coming. A truly loving element to the record is the bond that Killer Mike and El-P foster with each other through their alter-ego characters Yankee and The Brave- you can’t help but bask in their romance. The opening track is a blunt reminder that, in case you forgot, these guys are still here for another eleven rounds. The closing track solidifies the truth that they aren’t going anywhere, not anytime soon. And nor should they. We need Run the Jewels more than ever.

02- Captured Spirits by Mammal Hands

           Mammal Hands came out of nowhere and blew my goddamn mind. I have no deep connection with Jazz as a genre, but by god did this record force me to go digging. It’s the type of accessible, energy driven music that makes you cozy and comfortable until it rips your goddamn ears off with sax solos and manic piano arrangements. While the latter half of the record doesn’t manage to match quite the same energy as first half standouts like Late Bloomer or Riddle—the beauty of the record is in its assured sense of pace. We’ll get to the good part, but on their time. Mammal Hands know what they’re doing.

01- Women in Music Pt. III by HAIM

HAIM have found, executed, and perfected their sound all in one album. WIMPIII is a masterwork that shockingly happened all at once. Where previous albums Days Are Gone and Something To Tell You may have excited with the promise of what could come next, this record stuns you with what is happening right before your eyes. The confidence that the sisters share on the album’s cover shines through on all the tracks. They know who they are and they know how they sound. I Know Alone is a perfect example of refined song writing, with subtle production touches (especially in the percussion) that add something extraordinarily dynamic. Up From A Dream and Gasoline are the pure rockers that you knew the band was capable of, but that they never before capitalized on. There are softer, more romantic folk tracks like The Steps and Leaning on You that might make your parents cry. Spanning a wide range of topics (depression, lost loves, home, isolation) the album fit so perfectly with our insane year—but the sound, summery and sheen, will manage to stand the test of time. There was initial frustration with the choice not to include singles Now I’m In It, Hallelujah & Summer Girl within the formal track list (because on any record they are the strongest songs!)—but with further consideration, their inclusion as bonus tracks make perfect sense. HAIM has crafted 13 gorgeous, smart and powerful songs that stand alone, together. Those bonus tracks just act as a mind-blowing encore. Women in Music Pt. III is the most dynamic, focused and well-written record of 2020. We dare not ask for better.

[msbowser]

My Top Games of the Last Decade

The year 2020 is here, ushering in a new decade to live in. Instead of looking at the bad events that occurred over the years, I instead want to look at my favorite games over the last 10 years. It’s crazy that back in 2010, I was only in my second half of the fifth grade. Oh how young and naïve I was and an even worse gamer. Now in 2020, I am in the second semester of my second year of university, studying in the psychology field. I feel how I was raised over the last years shaped of how I am as a person and I am still learning, no one is perfect. Those developments shaped even the gamer I am now. Back when I was younger, I just liked games that were fun to play. But now I am a person who puts Character Development and Story before Gameplay. You will see this shift as the years go by.

Well let’s start with 2010. And I will try to limit how much I write each game to about a paragraph each. Don’t want to make this post too long. I can give a more detailed explanation at a future date if someone is interested. 

PS. All the games are Nintendo Games. I’m only a Nintendo gamer so sorry if you don’t see like Persona 5 or Last of Us.

2010: Kirby’s Epic Yarn

Gosh this game is too freaking cute for words. I remember the stories about how much I wanted this game when I was younger, even the embarrassing ones. While this game is easy even for Kirby standards, this game is so fun to play. The levels are enjoyable to play, you can get lost hours doing minigames and playing music (Frosty Wheel is still the best), and is just cute. This game is cute incarnate. And if you don't want to play the original version, you can play a port of it on the 3DS with even more goodies on it.

2011: Pokémon Black and White

My favorite Pokémon games and generation even if I started with Pearl. Gen 5 of Pokémon is super special to me as I know it is for many others, being the first game I bought the day of release. I was also pretty blind in my playthrough, finding new discoveries as they came along and finding new Pokémon that I might have not liked at first but became my favorites. Pokémon like the Krookodile line, Emolga, the Leavanny line and so much more. The game also first brought to my attention to how characters can be written well and still is my favorite story in a mainline Pokémon game. 

2012: Rhythm Thief and the Emperor's Treasure

So I’m kinda cheating with this one since I didn’t play it until 2013 but damn it, I don’t care! This game is awesome. I am super terrible with rhythm games but this game is one that is very enjoyable with an excellent story and characters. Phantom R is such a cool guy that you just want to hang out with and go dancing with and not the fact he’s a gentleman. The rhythm minigames are mostly enjoyable and have a wide variety to play so you can't bored very easily (the gyroscope one can go die in a fire though). All I want to know is where is the damn sequel already Sega?! It’s been 8 freaking years with that teaser you showed at the ending of the game and no I don't count that bad IOS game you made a year later. We fans need our fix and answers now. 

2013: Mario and Luigi Dream Team

Bowser’s Inside Story will always be my favorite Mario and Luigi game but this game comes to a close second. As part of Year of Luigi, this game did not disappoint. Luigi is front and center and he is the best of the part of game, with his dream abilities and overall character. The story is also very good with the adventures the bro’s have on Pi’illo Island and the soundtrack of the game is my video game soundtrack of all time. There is also the fact that giant battles return and if anyone knows me, knows I love me those giants <3

I also have two honorable mentions for 2013 that I will give a brief note while I like them

Fire Emblem Awakening 

First Fire Emblem game, got me in the series. Characters are great and story left me generally shocked at points. Make a yearly tradition to one playthrough each year

Super Mario 3D World

Favorite Mario platformer, Peach being playable and being a cat. Yes please

2014: Kirby Triple Deluxe 

I freaking love Kirby games :D Triple Deluxe was the first Kirby game on the 3DS, using an engine that looks beautiful on the 3DS that was used for the next game they did. The game is super colorful with its vibrate worlds and use of pastel colors. The new abilities is super fun to play with as well, Archer being my favorite. Supernova is also a neat gimmick for the game and glad it was present in many of the levels and used in new ways to solve puzzles. 

2015: Dragon Ball Z Dokkan Battle

Surprise! I said favorite games of the decade and mobile games count. This game means so much to me, being the one of the mobile games I keep track of everyday, even looking at what the JP version gets. I am proud of my account and how far it has come over these past years. Though I was not there right when it released, it has felt like that long as I have had my account for over 4 years now and don’t plan to quit now. One day I will have my full husband team, just you watch <3

2016: Dragon Ball Fusions

This game was my answer to a playable Dragon Ball RPG to play on Nintendo consoles (before Xenoverse 2 got ported over on the Switch). The chibi artstyle gave this game its own identify from other games like it. The gameplay was fun as you can make your own character and fly all across the world fighting characters from the Dragon Ball timeline. The game is all about the fusion mechanic, but with an expanded roster of characters to fuse and the ability to fuse your favorites is a blast. 

Brief Honorable Mention to Pokémon Sun and Moon for a fun region to explore, new pokemon to love and pretty good story.

(Lillie is so precious for this world I swear. And Snowy as well :D))

2017: Miitopia

A lot of people would write off this game as a simple Mii game, but it is so much more than that. This game has much more personality than one might think, with its class system, characters even when you chose who is what role and the story as well. The story and characters allows many possibilities of ideas for stories and art for creators to make and enjoy, as this game and Tomodachi Life was used as a template for a rp that me and my bf do. And this game can get hard, like wanting to rage quit hard, so be prepared for grinding. The OST is also a charm of the game, being one of my favorite OSTs ever. 

Like with 2013, I have two honorable mentions that I will give a short comment on.

Splatoon 2

Love it more than the original, Aerospray is still the master race and Off The Hook is better than Squid Sisters, don’ t @ me XD

Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia 

Amazing story, characters and unique experience from other games I have played. Berkut x Rinea OTP

2018: Dragon Ball FighterZ

As much as I like the Super Smash Bros games, I was more excited for this game to come out. I was glad it did come to Switch so I can play it. FighterZ was my first proper fighting game with button inputs and it threw me for a loop, but eventually I got the hang of it and is still learning. The story is a fun experience if you don’t think too much about it, me loving Android 21. And of course I main my husband that is in the gif above <3

2019: Pokémon Sword/Shield and Super Dragon Ball Heroes World Mission (That’s right, a tie)

I was excited for SwSh since day 1 and was not disappointed even with the dex cuts. The Wild Area has been a blast exploring, finding all the new raid Pokémon to catch and train. The new Pokémon are super fun to use, some of my favorites being Ponyta, Scorebunny and Dreepy. My baby Eevee also got a GMax form and she is super freaking fluffy, big and I want to hug her <3 I’m excited for the Isle of Armor and Crown Tundra DLC when they come out.

This game was huge to us USA fans of the series as this was the first time we ever got anything DB Heroes related here. The cards were fun to make teams with and make even custom cards. It was a full experience without to play the irl game, which would still be fun. Though the game is slow to add updates, I will be waiting for what will be coming. I am glad the game came out so we can finally enjoy all of what the game has to offer. (Though I played the previous game in the series being Ultimate Mission X through Citra, so I got a headstart XD)

This is it for this post. Even though I am late at posting it, better late than never. If anyone is interested, I’m glad to give more detailed descriptions. I realize I have to do better at explain my opinions in a more detailed matter.

Thank you so much for reading :D

[sapphicsaro]

anya || (post) winter soldier

hello all. here is another edition to the “anya” series i’m writing. this part takes place immediately after winter soldier and includes natasha’s pregnancy. i hope you like it. its a long one! 

(here’s a link to the civil war chapter, if you missed it too! https://rechutexx.tumblr.com/post/186134602680/anya-civil-war)

thank you to @catching-vibes-and-stars and @jackxangelica for beta reading!

---

“Mister Barton, you have a message from Miss. Romanoff, shall I read it to you?”

Clint continued his practice, eyes locked on the swinging target in front of him. “Sure, JARVIS.”

“Alright. From Miss Romanoff at 2:37pm: ‘She’s already feeling excited. He’s only usually seen entertaining’. End of message. I’m sorry sir, I am not sure who she may be referencing for you.”

His arrow released from his quiver. Bullseye. 

“Don’t worry, JARVIS, I understand it. Thank you.”

“No problem, sir. Shall I turn your music back on?”

Clint placed the remaining arrows back into his quiver, and shook his head, “No, I believe I have to start packing up.”

“Alright sir.”

Clint folded his bow up, and placed it, along with his quiver, back into its case.

She was speaking in code like she always did when she needed to be conspicuous.

Safehouse.

She had been gone with Steve for a few weeks, as had become the routine. Strike Team Delta disbanded with the introduction of the Avengers, so now the two spies were free to work with any of the other members. Fury sought out Natasha, knowing she was ready for more missions, unlike Clint, who needed some time to recover from the Battle of NY. Fury asked Nat if she would keep Steve busy and give him something to help him adjust to contemporary society.

So, for the past two years, she had her new partner and was in and out of their home in the tower (which was a move for them that Stark had insisted they make).

But, he was equally as busy as her. Just not with her anymore.

SHIELD may have been utilizing him less, but Stark had found “Hawkeye” more useful for his own missions. Yeah, maybe they weren’t as eventful as the shootouts he would typically have at SHIELD, but he enjoyed the work just the same.

Stark got him home at a reasonable time and he would be in bed, hearing aids out, hours before Natasha would stumble in, kick off her boots and flop onto the bed, falling asleep almost instantaneously.

The two would eat breakfast together, swap stories, and spend a few more hours together before they would both hit the road again.

But she sent the message: safe house.

This was their secret (one of many) and they were the only ones who knew what this meant. The steps to follow were simple:

Text is sent.

Leave wherever you are as quickly as possible.

Don’t speak to anyone.

Send Fury an “x” (he would know what that meant)

Grab a file with new identities and get to the airport.

Step one was done. Time to go.

It took him six minutes to get upstairs, grab the necessities and toss them in their suitcase.

No weapons; those were at the house.

Grab their keepsake boxes.

Toss some clothes in.

Get the new passports.

Get out.

He was used to this. Although the safe house text was rare, he and Natasha were spies. Having to flee and get out quickly was second nature to him.

Clint put on his jacket and grabbed the new passports, hello Elise and Mark. Ugh, Mark? Of all names it had to be-

“Going on vacay, Birdie?”

Tony was leaning against his front door, which in his hurry, Clint must have left open. “Uh, yeah, SHIELD called. They-”

“No they didn’t.”

Fuck.

Tony smirked at Clint, walking into the spies’ home and heading into their kitchen. He opened their fridge, giving it the once over, “Didn’t you hear the news? SHIELD is done-so.”

What.

Clint froze, letting his bag slip slowly down his shoulder, “What are you talking about?”

Tony stuck his head out of the fridge, before grabbing a beer from it. “Oh yeah, it’s brutal. Steve just sent me a message. More like a warning, actually. Apparently a bunch of you were HYDRA. Don’t know which of you to trust.”

Clint couldn’t move, there was too much to process. If what Tony was saying was really true, that meant Natasha was out there fighting against people they thought were on their side. And now Tony thinks that he is HYDRA? 

Fuck this. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“You think I’m HYDRA?”

“Hmm, could be. You never know, you two lovers are very hush hush.” Tony gulped at the beer in his hands, “This is terrible. What is this?”

“I’m not HYDRA.”

Tony chuckled, “Wow, I feel much better. Thank you, Barton.”

He wasn’t dealing with this. 

“I have to go.”

“What if I won’t let you?” Tony eyed him up.

“You can’t.”

Tony nodded, “Interesting.”

Clint’s eyes never left Tony’s. If he had to, he could overpower Stark, right here, right now. He’s got no suit and Clint is way more experienced and trained. But, neither of them moved. Instead, they remained silent for a moment, two men, ready for a fight in a kitchen.

“Tell me where you’re going, Merida. Seems rather odd that Steve send me that message and I spot you about to flee the tower. You know, I thought we were becoming friends too. But all that time you were just spying on me. Huh.”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“Oh no?” Tony’s beer was empty now. He placed it gently on the counter, spinning it a few times, eyes focused on the bottle. “Then why can’t you tell me where you are going?”

Clint was stuck. Tell Tony the truth? Risk the safe house. Lie to Tony? Risk everyone thinking he’s HYDRA. Fuck.

“Natasha texted me. She needed to talk. We’re are going away together.”

Tony pursed his lips, clearly not satisfied with his answer. “And I’m supposed to just believe you?”

Clint tries to respond, but he pauses. He gives a second.

“Yes.” Tony looks up, analyzing Clint’s expression as if he was one of his silly little equations.

Fuck this. Fuck Tony.

“Tony, look. I’m telling the truth, if you don’t want to believe me, that’s your problem. Because you just informed me that the place I’ve worked at, for a large portion of my life, mind you, turned out to just be one huge lie. And I brought Natasha there too; I made her leave her life for SHIELD. And now, we lost everything. She texted me. No, she didn’t tell me what happened, she just texted that she needs me; she asked me to go to her. So I’m doing that. Because I love her. And if you want to try and stop me from getting to her, you’re a damned fool.”

Tony stared the archer down once more, but this time, a small grin crept up on his face. He held his hands up as a sign of defeat and headed back toward the front door.  “Fine. Go to your girlfriend. But, if I find out you lied to me, I’ll be really upset, Katniss.”

————

Fuck airports. Fuck planes. Fuck old men who can’t keep their mouth shut.

Clint hated planes. Not the actual flying or any of that, but: the people. Dear god, how he hated the people. 

He missed the jets that Tasha and him would fly around. They were private; always just the two of them and whatever music she felt like playing that flight.

Public planes were dirty and overcrowded. And when you needed a last minute flight, you got stuck with the worst of the worst. Clint had to sit between a 90 year old man who clearly had been drinking while being on medication, and a middle aged woman who continuously claimed that he had been touching her and eyeing her up.

Clint wanted to put an arrow through his eye.

But the flight was over, he landed safely in Missouri, and he practically ran off the plane.

A 30-minute cab ride led him to the familiar, run-down storage unit where his baby was kept.

His truck. Oh man. For a man friends with Stark, you’d think an old, beat up pickup truck wouldn’t please him at all. But the memories Clint had in his truck were worth more than a thousand of Stark’s fancy, self-driving shits.

Clint dug through his bag, pulling out the keys, and made the familiar route home.

Home?

No, home was supposed to be their apartment in the city, not this “safe house”. But somehow the farm house felt more like his home than the sleek two bedroom in the Avengers tower.

No, this farm house was domestic, intimate. Natasha and him were not spies here; this was where they went to hide, to be “normal”.

Nat was always ‘Tasha’ here.

Here, she wore flannel shirts and baggy sweaters. She would cook food from the market and eat dinner at a real dining room table. She would hum around the house, and sometimes Clint would hear her sing softly when she thought she was alone. At the safe house, she was softer.

Here, she could still kill you in the blink of an eye, but you would die with a record crackling Fleetwood Mac in the background.

But they were rarely here; only when they had a bad mission. Fury would send them on a “mandatory vacation” for anywhere from a week to two months and they always ended up here. They never even discussed it.

So D.C. must have really kicked her ass if Natasha willingly decided to come here.

The drive back was easy, with little to no cars on the road. And when he got closer to the house, all the cars disappeared except for his. Natasha must have left her CD in the player because Clint was stuck listening to Dvorak’s Ninth World Symphony on a loop as the radio stopped working forever ago.

He pulled up; it was getting dark now. He could see a single light on inside. She was here.

He parked, gathered his bags and headed inside. The downstairs was quiet and clean, indicating that she had barely been down here. Her shoes lay sprawled next to the door, her jacket thrown over the railing. She was upset.

Clint slid his boots off, locked the door and made his way up the stairs. He saw the light on at the end of the hall and heard the soft tunes of Ella Fitzgerald playing on the record. “Tasha?”

No answer. Clint got to the bedroom door and slowly opened it to see her curled up on the bed, eyes watery. Shit.

She looked at him, not moving, letting her eyes tell the story.

He dropped his bag by the door and took his jacket off before sliding into the bed with her and enveloping her in his arms. She stayed silent. He did, too.

He cupped her face and ran his thumb across her cheek with his one hand as the other was tangled in her hair. She laid against his chest, arms curled near her face. She locked her legs in his and he kissed her head, breathing her in.

She rarely cried in front of him. She never cried in front of anyone else. Her tears stopped, but he knew that she must have been crying before he got here. The rare times he did see tears fall, they wouldn’t talk about it. Instead, he would silently hold her and she would let him. It was the dance of two people who needed comfort but were too stubborn to admit it.

They laid as the record kept spinning; now Dream a Little Dream of Me was ending and Natasha started to shift in his arms, indicating that she was going to sit up.

“It’s over.”

Her voice was rough, and it may have sounded normal to any other person, but this was his Tasha and he could recognize the pain.

“I heard.”

She shook her head, brows furrowed, but eyes starting too well slightly with tears. “This entire time, Clint. Who knew?”

Clint shrugged, sitting up across from her, “We didn’t.”

Natasha let out a small laugh. It wasn’t a genuine one. “Two highly trained spies couldn’t even figure out we were being double crossed.”

Clint smiled at her, bringing his knees up and folding his arms around them, linking his hands together. “I guess we’re shit, then.”

Natasha finally took her eyes off the wall next to her and looked at Clint, a small smile coming across her face. “Yeah, we suck.”

He didn’t want to prod, but there was a burning sensation that wanted her to tell him everything. He opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped. “I released everything.”

Confusion hit Clint like a ton of bricks, “Released what?”

“All of SHIELD’s secrets. And HYDRA’s technically. Everything. I released them. Now the world knows everything about me.”

Clint slowly nodded his head, trying to process everything she was saying. “That bad, huh?”

“They wanted to arrest me. I told them to fuck off.”

Clint chuckled, “I would expect nothing less.”

He had to take this conversation slow. He knew Natasha better than anyone else did. She was not a revealing person by nature, so if she was going to tell him anything, he had to keep his questions minimal and wait for her to feel ready to open up.

“Are you okay?” was what he deemed appropriate.

She sat for a moment, letting her eyes fall away from him. A short pause later, she looked back up, “No.”

Clint nodded, and stayed silent. This was different from any other time. Usually she would mask the situation, and he would follow along, pretending everything was fine until it actually was.

“We’re safe here. This is still off records. That’s why-” she let out a heavy sigh. “The public knows the person I was before. They’re not going to see me as the person I’ve worked so hard to become. The one who fought on the side of good. And now, with HYDRA, was I ever even on the right side?” She shook her head, “I need to hide out here; just for a bit. I need time for them to cool off so they don’t want to kill me.”

“Okay. We can do that.” Clint looked at her, giving her a half-smile. “It’s like another vacation.”

Natasha chuckled, “Yeah. I supposed so.”

Clint laid back down, a held out his hand, “C’mere.” She placed her hand in his, letting Clint pull her into him again. This time, she ran her hands all over his chest. Clint smiled, and held her tightly, placing little kisses on the top of her head. He reached over, clicking off the light as her breathing got heavier. “G’night, Tasha.”

————

When she woke up, the sun shined brightly through the window, glistening over Clint’s sleeping face. She was still comfortably against his chest, but she felt stiff and groggy.

She felt nauseous; crying for as long as she did yesterday (although no one saw her) would do that to you. She carefully slid out of his arms, as to not wake him, although he was the heaviest sleeper, hearing aids in or out.

She tiptoed to the bathroom, taking a glance in the mirror as she passed it. God, she looked terrible. The bags under her eyes highlighted the sleep she’d lost over the past weeks.

Her stomach hurt. Again.

All of the stress gave her horrendous stomach aches. She had lost everything she ever knew in the past weeks. Luckily, Steve was there for her, but the recent discoveries were still hard on her and it made her ill to think about where she would go from here.

Oh no.

She made it to the toilet before throwing up. Fuck. These stress aches were killing her.

“You okay?” Clint asked, standing in the door frame while rubbing his eyes from exhaustion.

Natasha stayed on the ground, head against the wall; the nausea was still there. “It’s just stress.”

“Stress?” He raised a brow at her, a slight look of confusion across his face, “Since when have you thrown up from stress?”

Natasha looked up at him, he wasn’t wrong.

The two locked eyes as if something was said, but neither spoke a word. If either of them asked the obvious, Natasha would explode. This was not an option. 

Nope. Not possible. There was no way.

Clint cleared his throat, “Um, so how long as this, uh, stress sickness been happening?”

“Two weeks.”

“Oh.” He nodded, acting as if this was a conversation about what they were having for breakfast and not a literal human baby.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfu-

“Is there a chance you’re-“

“Clint Barton, please do not finish that question.”

There would be no “p” word here.

But let’s just say he did ask. Yeah, they did have sex right before they left, but they always did. Besides, she was sterile. Nothing worked down there. Except for the extremely rare moments she would randomly bleed down there, the Red Room took away all chances of a “p” word happening. She even went undercover once to a doctor in the middle of Iowa to confirm her diagnosis. The doctor was mystified by what she saw, and her conclusion was that she was sterile. Natasha snuck out the building before the doctor could see her again.

“Okay.” He stayed against the doorframe, arms crossed, eyes never leaving her.

Natasha shook her head, still leaning it against the wall as she tried to control her nausea. “Clint, I’ve told you, it’s not possible for me to have a child.”

“I know. I’m just thinking that this is like what happens in the movies, ya know? The girl is all sick and then she pees on a stick and then-”

“Clint, I love you, but please shut up or I’ll puke again.”

“Sorry.”

Clint moved away from the doorframe, instead opting to sit atop the corner of the counter near Natasha. As she sat still, he kicked his feet, back and forth, back and forth-

Oh no.

It happened again. This time she threw up hard and it hurt her throat. Clint jumped off the counter, grabbing a cup and filling it with water. He quickly knelt by her side, “Here, here.”

Natasha took small sips from the glass as Clint rubbed circles on the small of her back. “Fuck,” she coughed out. “I’m gonna have to piss on a stick.”

———

Clint and Natasha were, undoubtedly, two of the toughest people out there. Clint has put more arrows in people than he has targets, and Natasha could kill a man with just her thighs. They’ve seen death, caused death, and have been at death’s door themselves. They’ve been shot, stabbed, bruised, tortured, you name it.

And yet, the two people who have seen the most gruesome ways to die, were scared of a piece of plastic.

The trip to the store was awkward. Neither said a word; Clint just drove all the way into town, got inside the store with Natasha, bought the stick (well, a few), and got back in the car to head home. The cashier smiled at the two and gave a small thumbs up to Clint as Natasha signed the receipt.

Clint didn’t know how to feel. A baby was never an option for them. He didn’t really care though; he was happy with her. And yeah, he loved kids, but he liked the fun parts about them, not the responsibility of having a child. He was the cool uncle who shot bow and arrows and taught little kids archery, not a father.

Could he even see Natasha having a baby?

Meanwhile, Natasha was out of it. Her mind was far away from the place she actually sat in their bedroom. No, she was trying to imagine one line, clear as day, on each of the three sticks. A negative would mean that they could laugh at the absurdity of the day, make dinner, fuck, and forget they even thought she could be pregnant. One line meant she would go back in the field soon. One line meant her whole world didn’t fall apart. Again.

Fuck three minutes feels like a lifetime.

Clint was the first to break the two-hour long silence, “What if-“

“It’ll be negative.”

“But what if-”

“Clint.”

“Okay.”

Back to the silence they went as they waited for the timer to go off. When it did, they both stood up, but Natasha pushed ahead of Clint to gather the tests. Clint sat back down, waiting for her to come back.

Natasha walked back to the bed, three sticks still in her hand.

“Are you...”

“I didn’t look.”

“Oh.”

Her knuckles were turning white with how tightly she held onto them. “Clint, I can’t do this.”

“I’ll look for you.”

“That’s not what I meant.” She took her eyes off the tests and shifted her focus to him, “I can’t be a mother. I’m not meant for that.” Instead of responding, Clint just nodded his head slowly. “I’m a murderer. We both are. We are not cut out for this.”

“You’re right.”

“So if- and it’s a big if- if they are positive, we cannot keep this child.”

“Understood.”

Natasha nodded and then flipped the sticks over.

Two lines, two lines, and a plus.

“Son of a bitch.” She threw her head back, letting her body flop on the bed while Clint stayed frozen, eyes locked on the tests.

“So you’re- wow.”

Natasha tilted her head towards him, “Are you happy about this?”

Uh oh. Clint didn’t know what to say. On one hand he wanted to say, no we can’t do this. But, Natasha just beat the odds, and this baby seemed like a miracle. No, not a miracle. Natasha doesn’t want the baby. It’s her choice.

Natasha had fully sat up at this point, staring Clint down as he stayed locked on the tests, deep in thought. “Clint, talk to me. I can’t hear you think.”

Clint shook his head, keeping it down, “I have a lot of thoughts…I just- I just don’t know. I don’t how I feel.”

Natasha placed a hand gently on his arm, “Talk to me.”

He moved his focus to her, her expression was soft as her hand stayed on his forearm. Clint placed his hand on top of hers and took a deep breath, “I…I feel conflicted. I know we are not meant for this, trust me, it’s almost impossible to picture us taking care of a child for even an hour, let alone forever. But there’s this part of me that’s just like: wow, we thought this was impossible and somehow this baby is there. It’s stupid, I’m sorry, I know we can’t keep a baby, it’s just we never got to even think about the possibility of this happening before.”

“It’s not stupid.” She began chewing at her lip, a nervous habit he noticed she had. “I feel similar.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I mean, I’ve had it in my mind that I could never have a child since my graduation ceremony. And now I’m looking at three things telling me otherwise? And I’m rushing to say we can’t do this and we are spies and not meant for this, but everything is changing and I don’t know how to feel.”

Her eyes welled with tears and Clint wrapped an arm around her shoulders, letting her lean her head against him. “Hey, it’s okay, Tasha.”

“No. No it’s not.” She began to cry, and hard. Clint rubbed circles across her skin, trying to soothe her as she let tears roll onto his shirt. “Why is there a part of me that wants this?”

What. 

Of all things he thought she might say, Clint did not expect this. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and gave her a tight squeeze, “So, what if we did?”

Natasha lifted her head off of him, wiping her cheeks, “What?”

“Let’s talk about this, for real. We have two options: keep or don’t. If you decide not to, then I take you to the doctors, we forget this happened, come back home and that’s the end of it. If you decided to keep it, then we hide out here for the pregnancy, have a baby and then-”

“And then what, Clint? Spend our lives hiding a human child from the public? I don’t know if you remember this, but the public isn’t too happy with me right now and I’m sure a lot of people would love to get their hands on the child of Black Widow and Hawkeye.”

“We wouldn’t let that happen.”

“How would we stay hidden for months without anyone needing us or calling us?”

“SHIELD is gone, the Avengers are fine, we have time. We tell the others we have our own mission and that we’ll be hard to reach.”

“And when it’s born? What do we do then?”

Clint shrugged, “We raise it. We can stay here, off the radar, or we go back to Avenger’s Tower and-”

“If we have a baby, we are not raising it in the tower.”

“Okay.”

The silence returned to the room, and both of them adverted looking at the other. They sat like this, on the bed, deep in thought for what felt like hours before Natasha turned to Clint, “We should call the team.”

———

Telling the Avengers that they had their own “mission” they were going on was challenging because each person asked too many god damn questions. Luckily, Natasha and Clint were trained spies; lying was easy. However, dealing with Tony Stark was not.

He asked for check-ins, calls every week, a secret way to contact them, the whole nine yards, but neither spy budged. Natasha calmly told him that they were going to be out of service for a while and to please clean out our fridge in the apartment, the food will rot.

Clint and Natasha didn’t talk about the baby again. In fact the next time the pregnancy was even acknowledged was three weeks later.

Natasha woke up in a pool of sweat, pain accumulating in her abdomen. Clint’s aids were out, so she lightly shook him awake. “Clint.”

Clint jumped up, “Wha-what?”

“Something’s wrong.”

Clint flicked on the light, and scrambled to her side of the bed, kneeling down next to her. “What’s happening, are you okay?”

Natasha sat up slowly, “It’s my left side.”

Clint ran to the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and soaking it in cold water. He went back to her side, running the washcloth along her face, trying to cool her down. “Are you bleeding?”

Natasha shook her head, “No.”

“Okay.” He continued to wipe the cloth around her face, traveling down to her chest. She tried to slow down her breathing to help ease the pain as the cool water helped relieve her overheating body.

She groaned once more, this time gripping his arm tightly. He used his other hand to rub her back. “Do you want to go to the hospital?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” She let out a small whimper as pain ran through her again, “Yes.”

“Okay.” Clint stood up and grabbed a duffle bag, piling in a new outfit for her and some of their essentials. Natasha slowly moved, placing her feet on the ground.

She groaned once more, “Fuck.”

Clint zipped up the bag and came back to her, “Can you walk?”

“If you help me.”

He leant down, and she threw her arm over his shoulder. He grabbed the bag with the other hand and slowly went down the stairs. She continuously groaned each step they took down. “Tasha, I can carry you.”

She didn’t say anything, just nodded, and he picked her bridal style. He carried her all way to the car and got her in the passenger seat before climbing into the truck himself and driving away.

He wasn’t going to pretend he wasn’t scared. Sure, they haven’t talked about the baby since they kind of decided to keep it, but he was getting more attached to the bump that was forming. And he thinks she was too. Sometimes when he would look over at her, she would have a hand resting on the bump, her thumb rubbing it slowly.

He drove as careful and quickly as possible, and Natasha had flicked on the CD player to cover the sound of her moans. When they arrived, she stayed in the car while Clint ran in, returning with a nurse and a wheelchair. He lifted her out and gently placed her in the wheelchair as the nurse raced inside with her.

Clint almost forgot their undercover identities as he checked her in, but when he finished, Mark was escorted to his wife, Elise’s, room.

When he got there, he passed the nurse who was exiting the room and stared at Natasha, laid back in the bed. “I hate the name Elise.”

Clint chuckled and sat in the chair next to her bed, grabbing her hand. “Me too.”

A nurse arrived with an ultrasound, and one exam later confirmed she was pregnant, and still pregnant. However, the nurse was perplexed by the exam and called in an OBGYN to take a closer look. Natasha knew the conversation that was about to happen and wanted to launch herself out of the room, but she still needed an answer as to what was causing the pain.

Natasha watched Clint throughout their time there, his eyes bouncing back from her face to the uncovered baby bump. He would deny that he was looking at it, but she knew he was. She couldn’t lie, she had grown more attached to the baby as well. The two of them were terrible at communicating their emotions, but if they were a “normal” couple (like Elise and Mark) they would be reading baby books and designing a nursery by now.

Right now, they were just at ease with the idea of a baby. They hadn’t quite grasped the reality of the situation yet, and especially not enough to plan for the baby to arrive. Granted, they had some time. But this was probably a wake up call for them to start some conversations.

Three hours later, they were settled back at home in bed, headed back to sleep. The doctor concluded that the pain was from her uterus stretching, but because of her “unique” situation down there (when he said unique, Natasha almost punched him in the throat), her pain was going to be more extreme. He gave her a prescription for painkillers approved for pregnant women and sent them on their way home.

Now they were back in their bed, Clint behind Natasha arms wrapped around her, hands landing on her bump. She placed her hands on top of his, scooting back to get closer to him.

Eyes closed, he kisses her hair, “G’night Tasha.”

——— 

Three months went by and Natasha’s baby bump grew larger to the point where her only outfits consisted of leggings and an oversized sweater. Since the hospital incident, Clint and her made some progress on getting ready for their child. He had emptied one of the upstairs bedrooms (not Kate’s though, that room still remained down the hall), and started to build the nursery. Natasha would stop by it sometimes, resting against the door frame, watching him build. 

The first thing he finished was a rocking chair for Natasha. When it was done, he didn’t show it off to her. Instead she noticed it the next morning and ran her hands over it, noticing how well done it was. She had almost teared up when she saw his personalization of it with a “⧗” engraved on the top, but she held her ground. 

One weekend, they decided to paint the room. Clint let Natasha pick out the color and she settled with a pale yellow, something Clint was surprised by. 

“It’ll look nice in the sunlight with those windows in there,” she had told him. 

And she was right.

Even with all the progress they were making, their actuals conversations about the baby were limited. No names were picked out, no talks about parenting, nothing. Natasha didn’t speak to Clint or anyone else about her growing belly. She would read parenting books by herself, and he would watch her as he would read some of his own, but they didn’t discuss it. 

Some people would be worried, but Clint knew that Natasha was never going to change into the stereotypical mother that some thought every woman should be like. Instead, she was reserved and kept her feelings to herself, but he knew she would love this baby just the same, if not more. 

Clint could tell that she was still apprehensive about having a baby. She had spent five months at the farmhouse so far, the longest they had ever stayed before, and there was still a lot of time left for them here. He did worry that Natasha wasn’t happy here, as she was used to the high intensity, fast-paced life of a spy, but she seemed good for now. The medication helped with pain, and Elise would go to the doctor’s for her monthly checkups with Mark.

At one of the earlier checkups, they got to hear their child’s heartbeat. Natasha didn’t know how to react. Clint started wide-eyed at the screen, trying to hide a smile from forming on his face. Natasha listened intently to the “drum beat” of her child’s heart; holy shit. 

At last month’s checkup, the baby started to look more like a real baby. They gave her and Clint each a sonogram to take home. Both of them had it on them at all times, sometimes taking it out just to see their baby one more time.

Natasha was mystified. Six months ago, she thought this was impossible. She thought that she could never conceive a child, but now there was a baby in her, growing day by day. 

And they had a heartbeat. 

It was a little scary. It reminded her that this was real; that in a few months Clint and her would have a child. She knew in her heart that Clint would be a great father, but she didn’t know how she would be as a mother. Truthfully, she wanted this baby now, but she was also ready to go back to work. 

Her whole life she spent fighting, and this “vacation” her and Clint were on was the longest she has ever had to just do nothing. She had new pains everyday, and yes, the medication helped but the feeling of being pregnant and carrying around a baby inside her did not feel like the “miracle” that other women had said it was. 

She felt like a different person sometimes. This “Elise” identity felt like it crept into her own and had brainwashed her into becoming more domestic. The old Natasha wouldn’t have taken this break. The old Natasha wouldn’t be buying a stuffed animal in the town’s shop. 

It wasn’t the baby that changed her though. It was the fall of SHIELD. 

Before her and Steve’s mission to D.C., she felt like herself. She had been working at SHIELD ever since Clint had brought her in all those years ago, and they became the best at the agency. Their team was the most trusted by Fury. They had a success rate of 99 (they don’t talk about the mission in Belize where all hell broke loose and they needed backup). 

So when she found out that HYDRA had infiltrated them, she felt lost. She had a purpose before; to fight on the good side and clean out her ledger. But, knowing that HYDRA had been there the whole time, she felt that all her hard work had been invalidated. She was still the same “bad” person she was before. 

And yes, her intentions of being a good person were still there, but it felt wrong. Sure, the Avengers were a thing, and she had fought with them to save the world, but she wasn’t ready to go back. Not after the public had gained access to all her dirty secrets. 

The timing of this baby seemed too convenient. She felt lost, needing something to do after D.C. and all of a sudden she was miraculously pregnant? ерунда. (Bullshit)

Maybe it wasn’t the best way to express it, but it felt like this baby was her next mission. Strike Team Delta was back, and better than ever. Except one of the members was heavily pregnant, and the other was obsessively building baby furniture. But here they were, the two best spies, in a Missouri farmhouse, reading baby books and buying stuffed animals. 

She wouldn’t admit it, but she wanted this baby. 

Yes, she would hesitate if you asked her, but that’s because she was scared to bring a baby into a world where their parents fought alien monsters and consistently were in shootouts. But she was filled with an overwhelming sense of needing to protect this child, and they weren’t even born yet. Some might not call that love, per-say, but keep in mind she was a trained assassin who grew up in the Red Room in Russia. She would never be the cutesy mom who wore proper maternity clothes and made scrapbooks. 

However, she was going to be the mother who would never allow her child to go through what she and Clint went through. She would protect this child until the day she died. Maybe she wouldn’t be going to the school’s bake sale or see the play, but she would be there when her child cried, and she would make damn sure that her child was well taken care of. 

Natasha had fallen asleep on the couch reading another maternity book while Clint was upstairs in the baby’s room, continuing to work on the crib when there was a knock at the door. 

Nobody ever came to this house. 

Clint jumped up, and instinctively ran to the bedroom to grab his gun. He slowly made his way down the stairs and peeked into the living room, spotting Natasha in the distance, still fast asleep. 

There was another knock. 

Clint stood frozen, gun aimed at the front door while he watched the doorknob twist and turn. Someone was trying to break in. They picked the wrong house. Clint was ready to fire, no matter what; no one was going to lay a hand on his wife or their unborn child. 

The knob twisted harder, until the sound of keys were heard and the door clicked unlocked. Clint took a deep breath, and the door was thrown open.

Fury.

“Hello to you too, Barton.”

“Fury? What the hell-”

“I’m sorry, my two best agents disappear for five months and you expect me to not know you’re here? Reminder that I’m the one who is keeping this house off everyone’s radar. Even after your wife published everything out there.” At this point, he had stepped into the house, walking right into the kitchen and looking around as if he had misplaced something. “Where is Natasha?”

Clint had unloaded his gun, putting the safety back on and placing it down. “She’s asleep on the couch. But I wouldn’t bother her.”

“I have to talk to you both. She can wake up.”

“Sir, I really wouldn’t-”

Fury had spotted her before Clint could finish. There she was, his best spy, asleep and clearly pregnant with a baby book on her lap. “You better tell me that’s fake and you’re really committing to being undercover.”

Clint cleared his throat and crossed his arms, “It’s real.”

Fury couldn’t take his eyes off of her, “How? I thought-”

“We don’t know. We just got lucky, I suppose.”

Some would think that this was a poor reaction to finding out someone was pregnant, but Fury face seemed softer than usual, even though it was definitely not overjoyed. 

When Natasha first came to SHIELD, Fury didn’t trust her. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with her until she proved her loyalty to him. Within her first year, she had completed every mission perfectly and could even get the job done in less time than any of the other spies. She was good. Fury liked her. She didn’t showcase emotions, just worked and did it well. Barton and her became his best team. He could trust them with the hard missions and they accepted the challenge gladly. 

After the many years they worked together, Fury had forgotten he once despised the young redhead. He had grown to care for her, almost like she was a daughter to him. 

So, when she started dating Barton, he wanted to kill the archer. He had indeed threatened him, stating that if Clint ever hurt her, he would kill him and no one would ever find his body. Luckily, the two seemed happy together and the relationship only helped their work instead of hindering it. When he proposed, the only ones who knew were himself, Phil, and Maria. The same three were the only ones allowed to know about their marriage as well, until the Avengers, of course. 

And now, they were having a baby. Fury didn’t know what to say. Was he upset? No. Was he happy? Maybe?

“Are you both quitting?” He turned away from Natasha, now staring Clint down. 

“SHIELD is gone, sir.”

“The Avengers aren’t.”

Clint nodded his head in acknowledgment, “We know.”

Fury chuckled, “And who is supposed to inform them that two of their members quit and decided to live Little House on the Prairie style, forgetting everything about their old lives?”

“We aren’t quitting, sir.”

Fury raised his voice, slightly, “Well, it sure seems-”

Clint shushed him, pointing towards Natasha. He headed toward the back porch and Fury followed suit. Clint leaned against the railing, while Fury took a seat on one of the wicker chairs. 

“We aren’t quitting, sir.”

“How?”

Clint folded his arms in front of his chest, “What do you mean ‘how’? Natasha has three to four more months before she gives birth and then we’ll take some time with our child before Natasha goes back to New York and I stay here with the baby.”

“When do you come back to New York, hmm?”

Clint shrugged, “I don’t know, when the timing is right? I’ll know after the baby’s born.”

Fury shook his head, “This complicates things far more than either of you realize, Barton.” Clint stayed silent; he knew Fury was right, but he would never admit it. “Sure, you can get through the next months doing what you’ve been doing. But once that baby is born, both of your lives change forever. You are underestimating how much that child will mean to the both of you. Natasha may never be ready to go back, and neither may you. And you better be careful. That child is going to need a lot of protection with the parents they’re gonna have. You may be whichever undercover names you are here, but don’t forget you are still Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff.” 

He stood up from the chair, “When she wakes up, you tell her to take care of herself. And that’s an order.”

Clint nodded and Fury places a hand on his shoulder, “Keep me updated, too. I can’t protect you if I don’t know what’s going on. It’ll be just the three of us, none of Avengers will know.”

“Of course, sir.” 

Fury walks down the porch steps, “Oh, and call your little Kate Bishop friend, she’s been bugging the shit out of me.”

Fuck. Clint had been so preoccupied in the last couple months he didn’t realize that he had placed Kate on the back burner. 

It had been five years ago that he had discovered her trying to be a mini-Hawkeye. And after seeing some promise in her, he decided to began training her. She was a free spirit, and she sure acted like she hated him, but Clint had become very close to the teenager. 

No, he was nowhere near like a father to her, maybe more like an older brother? 

And he had his phone shut down for the past five months, only thinking about how the Avengers may try to contact him, and not Kate. Fuck, she was going to be pissed. 

Clint made his way back into the house; good, Tasha was still asleep. He went back upstairs, taking the gun with him so he could put it away. He went into their closet, spotting the burner phone they had for emergencies. 

He knew her number by heart, now he just had to pray she would pick up the phone. 

Three rings went by before he heard a dry, “If this is a telemarketer calling, get a life, dude.”

“Kate?”

“That’s my name. What do you want?”

“Kate, it’s Barton.”

There was a long pause. 

“Kate?”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry, Kate, I-”

“No seriously, fuck you. Do you know how long I’ve been trying to contact you?”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“You and Nat go on the run, and you don’t even tell me?”

“It’s more complicated than that, Kate, I’m sorry-”

“Stop saying that!”

“Okay.”

“Look, I know you’re on your little farmhouse and when you guys need a break, I can’t just show up but you could’ve at least kept in contact with me. You just abandoned me for the past five months.”

“Kate, I can’t apologize enough. I never meant to abandon you, something just came up and we had to lose all contact with everyone and I just forgot.”

“Glad I’m forgettable.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Fine. But what the hell happened that was so important that you completely cut me off from your life? Hmm?”

Clint didn’t know what to say. I mean, he knew he had to reveal his little secret, but this was he first time telling anyone about Natasha. 

“Hello? Earth to Barton? What happened?”

“It’s Natasha.”

“…is she okay?”

“She’s pregnant.”

There’s a small pause. 

“Shut up, you’re lying.”

“No, I’m not, I promise.”

“How? I mean, I know ‘how’, but like I thought she couldn’t, ya know, have a baby?”

“We aren’t sure. But she is. She’s a little over five months today.”

“Damn…Barton’s having a baby. That’s wild.”

“You can’t tell anyone about this though, okay?”

“Of course.”

“You should stay over soon, you got to see the nursery. I built everything from scratch. It’s pretty nice.”

“For sure. I’ll let you know when. I’m kind of busy doing some small missions of my own here and there. Nothing too intense, but I was trying to keep busy.”

“Good, I’m glad. I should go though, I should probably check on Natasha.” 

“Yeah, do that! I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Bye, Kate.”

“Bye, birdbrain.”

———

Natasha was six months pregnant when she brought up baby names. Clint was in the nursery (which looked like a construction zone at this point) and she took a seat in the rocking chair, asking him if he had any ideas.

It took Clint by surprise, but he stopped his work, sat on the ground and looked back at her. “Honestly, I’m not sure.”

Natasha placed a hand on her bump, which had grown a great deal at this point. “I think it’s a boy.”

Clint laughed a little, “You do?” 

“Yeah, I do. Why, you don’t?”

Clint shook his head, “I have no clue. I mean I don’t really have a way of knowing.”

Natasha started rubbing small circles across her bump, feeling the baby shifting around. Last month she felt a kick for the first time. She grabbed Clint’s hand while they laid on the couch together, placing it gently on the bump as the baby kicked for him as well. Clint couldn’t believe what he was feeling and he didn’t take his hand away for a while. Natasha let him enjoy these moments with the bump, as she knew that she got much more experience with the baby daily than he did. 

“It might be a girl,” Clint stated, fiddling with a piece of wood in his hands. “A little redhead who looks like you.”

Natasha gave him a small smile. He liked this. This little moment was nice. Sure, it was a little late in her pregnancy, but he would have never rushed her. 

“And if it’s a girl, what do we call her?” she asked. 

“Hmm. I don’t know. I kind of like shorter names like Ellie or Meg. Why, did you have anything in mind?”

“I was thinking either Sophie or Anya.”

Clint smiled, “Anya? I like that.”

Natasha looked up, “You do?”

“Yeah. It’s pretty. And Russian?”

Natasha nodded, “Yes. It means grace.” 

“Well, I think it’s perfect. What if it’s a boy? Do you have a Russian name in mind too?”

“I was thinking Sasha. Or Misha. The first means defending men, the second is gift from God.”

“I like Misha. It’s cute,” Clint replied, leaning back against the finished crib. “I think they should have your last name.”

She raised her brows, “Mine?”

Clint shrugged, “Yeah. We could like hyphenate it like the young kids do now. You know, Romanoff-Barton?”

“Hmm. I’d like that.” 

They sat in silence for a couple minutes before she spoke again, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

Natasha shifted in the chair, moving her focus to her hands, still resting on the bump. “For not talking much. For keeping to myself. For not being overly excited. There’s a lot.”

Clint moved closer to her, placing his hand on her knee, “Tasha, you have nothing to be sorry for. This baby was a lot to take in, and you’re the one doing all the hard work. You can be quiet. You don’t have to talk to me about things you don’t want to. We both are new to this, we’re not going to do everything by the book.”

“Maybe we could start talking about the baby more, though.”

Clint smiled up at her, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Natasha took one of her hands off her knee and placed it on her belly, “They’re kicking.”

———

Kate stayed over when Natasha hit seven months. She only stayed for a couple days, and she definitely was weirded out. Sure, it was all very exciting, but it was very odd. The woman she knew for five years, who she had seen bloodied, bruised, shooting a gun, throwing knifes into targets, was now folding baby onesies into a dresser in a pale yellow nursery. 

It was weird. 

And now, Barton, the most sarcastic man in the world, was being gentle around her. 

Everything was changing, and Kate didn’t know if she liked it. 

For the three days she was there, she tried to keep things like normal. Clint took her shooting in the backyard, which was nice. Then she helped him in the nursery. When she first walked in, it was strange. She would have never pictured this. 

The old gray walls were now pale yellow. There was a crib, a changing table, a dresser, and a closet that had the beginnings of a child’s wardrobe. There were a few stuffed animals, a few books, and a blanket draped over the crib. 

“Wow,” she said.

Clint smiled, “I know. Weird, huh?”

“Extremely.”

Clint and her started to work on a wooden rocking horse that he had seen in one of the baby books. They fell right back into their old selves, joking around the entire time, each throwing lighthearted insults at the other. 

Kate had really missed him. He was the only strong male figure who stayed around in her life, and truthfully, she had grown to love him like family. Sure, she would never say that to his face, but, yeah, it was true. 

“So, you, uh, got a name for the little assassin yet?”

“Natasha picked some out. We got Misha Ryan Romanoff-Barton for boy, Anya Arianna Romanoff-Barton for girl.”

“That’s a mouthful.”

“Hey, I’m not doing any of the hard work, so why should the kid just be a Barton?”

Kate handed him the hammer, sitting back as he used it. “This is weird.”

Clint kept hitting the wood piece into place, “Well, it’s not finished yet so don’t-”

“Not the horse.”

Clint stopped and looked up at Kate, whose face had turned somber. “Oh.” He placed the hammer down next to him, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kate adverted her eyes away from his, “It’s just…It’s just going to be so different.”

“Yeah, it will be. But it’ll be exciting too.”

Kate bit at her bottom lip, “Maybe for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” She began fiddling with the tools in front of her, picking one up to examine it, and then placing it back on the floor. 

Clint, still seated in front of her, grabbed the tools from her hands. “Talk to me, Hawkette.”

She half-smiled at his nickname for her and looked up at him, “This baby is so important to you guys. I just don’t want our relationship to change.”

Clint nodded, placing a hand on her shoulder, “Kate, that won’t happen. Honestly, the baby will probably make us closer. We’re definitely going to need your help with them. And I want the little bugger to have their Auntie Kate around to teach them and play with them. You can stay here with us, in your room. We aren’t going to change that. You can come here any time you’d like, just as long as you tell us beforehand. We love you, Kate. And yeah, the baby is going to change some stuff, but I promise we are all going to be okay.” 

Kate nodded, grinning a little, but still looking unsure. “Okay.”

“I promise you. You’re going to be such a huge part of this baby’s life.”

Kate smiled at Clint, picked up his hammer and handed it to him, “Let’s finish this horse.” 

——— 

Natasha was officially eight months pregnant when she awoke in the middle of the night with severe pains, and a puddle of warm liquid between her legs.

The baby was coming. 

She shook Clint awake, “Clint. Clint.”

“Wha-what?”

“I think I’m in labor.”

With the word ‘labor’, he jumped awake, scrambling out of bed, “It’s time?”

Natasha let out a long moan, “Fuckkkkkk-“

“I take that as a yes.”

She shook her head, “It’s only eight months, we aren’t ready for this.”

“I don’t know if the baby is going to wait any longer.” He reached his hand out, “Here, let me help you. We have to get to the hospital.”

“No, no,” Natasha breathed out.

“No? Tasha, what are you talking about? Come on,” he reached for her again.

“Clint, we can’t. We can’t have anybody know about the baby. We have to do it here, we can hide them here, no one will know, we can-”

“Tasha, you aren’t being logical. We have to go to a hospital, we don’t want anything to go wrong.”

Natasha gripped her belly, another contraction slamming her hard. She moaned through it, “I don’t want them to take my baby!”

Oh. 

Clint bent down to her side of the bed where she was sitting, feet on the floor. He took both of her hands in his, “Tasha, look at me. No one is going to touch that baby, okay? We’ll go as Mark and Elise, and we’ll give them a fake baby name too. We can call Fury after and sort it all out. But, I’m not risking your life or the baby’s by staying here. I’m not qualified to deliver a baby, and I know you aren’t either. So please, come with me. Please?”

Her eyes welled with tears, and she nodded her head, “Okay.”

Clint got her down the stairs carefully, her groaning in severe pain as she took each step. It felt very reminiscent of when she was two months pregnant, heading to the hospital the first time. Except now, they had a finished nursery with all hand-made furniture, a car seat, a high chair, stuffed animals, books, and more onesies than either had seen in their life.

They seemed like real parents.

And they were about to be. Very soon.

It was difficult to stay undercover for both of them. Especially when the one’s in pain, and the other is trying to comfort them. Natasha had to be careful not to call him ‘Clint’ in front of the nurses who got her all set up in her hospital room. Clint had almost slipped and called her ’Tasha’ while she squeezed his hand through a particularly painful contraction. 

So, here they were, posing as Mark and Elise Leonard, about to give birth to either to Amy Marie or Alex Tyler Leonard. 

It was ridiculous. 

But they couldn’t risk anyone finding out. 

Natasha had gotten paranoid at anyone who looked at her longer for five seconds, but luckily, this town was so small that there were less televisions than there were tractors, so most of them did not known the Avengers well, or at all. 

The doctor immediately came to check on her when she arrived. He was concerned that the baby was coming too early, as she had three more weeks before she hit her due date.

One ultrasound later revealed that the baby was okay, and that they would just need a careful delivery. Hearing that made Clint feel so much better about coming here, and thankful Natasha agreed with him. If he was alone at home, he would have been so scared that something would have happened to either Natasha or the baby. Or both.

Of all the injuries Natasha had had in her life, nothing was more painful than this. This was the one thing that was most accurate about what she had heard about having a baby. 

Labor sucks ass. 

She tried to breathe through the contractions, but they hurt like a motherfucker and the fact that she had to be undercover was making her more irritable. 

Clint was there for her the whole time, like he had been for this whole pregnancy. She was so grateful for him, but in this moment, she wanted to strangle him for putting this baby in her. 

Three hours. 

She got through three hours before she was able to receive the epidural. A long needle was shoved into her back, and the nurse was stunned by how well she took it. Clint smiled at her confused face, needles had no effect on the master assassin. 

But contractions did. 

Luckily the epidural kicked in and relieved her of the pain, but this was still a lot for Natasha. 

Four hours of contractions, sweat, tears, and Clint’s hand going numb later, Natasha was at her breaking point.

“I need to push, I need to push, I need to-”

A short nurse came over to the bed, placing a hand on her leg, “You can’t push just yet, we need to make sure you are fully dilated before you do, okay Elise?” 

Natasha wanted to kick her in the face.

She got through fifteen more minutes of excruciating pain, squeezing Clint’s hand and letting tears roll down her cheeks. “Please, I have to push,” she cried and the doctor came quickly to check how far along she was. This time, she was ten centimeters dilated and the doctor’s team gathered in the small hospital room, ready to deliver this baby.

The nurses got everything set up, including Clint, who was directed on how to hold his wife and what he should be doing. Clint was sat on the bed with her, body half next to, half behind her. His right arm wrapped around her shoulders, his left pulling up her left leg. 

She looked up at him, a glimmer of fear in her watery eyes. He placed a kiss on her sweat covered forehead, “You got this.”

As another contraction hit, she cried through the overwhelming pressure to push, and the doctor was finally ready for her. “Okay, Elise!” 

Fuck that name. 

“You ready to meet your little one? On your next contraction, I need you to push.”

Natasha nodded, eyes squeezed shut as she waited for the pain to build up again. When it did, she held her breath and began to push how she had read too in the maternity books. Clint held her tightly as she screamed through her first push, a pain that was far worse than she had imagined. 

It might not have been this bad if it wasn’t for the Red Room. If it wasn’t for the fact that this baby wasn’t supposed to be here. If she had instead got to live a normal life, like Elise and Mark did. 

She snapped out of her thoughts as the doctor counted up, “One, two, three, push!”

Natasha listened to her body’s instincts, pushing as hard as she possibly could. “Good, good!” The doctor said, before she stopped and slammed her head back against the pillow.

“I can’t, I can’t-”

Clint placed his head against hers, “Yes, you can, you are doing so well, you got this.”

Another contraction came over her, and she pushed again. And again. And again. 

After six rounds of pushing, Natasha was becoming exhausted, but on the seventh push, the doctor declared that the baby was crowning. He told Mark to take a peak at his baby’s head, and Clint was overwhelmed by what his was witnessing. “You’re almost there, you got this.”

Natasha pushed as hard as she could and this time, the baby’s head was out. After a second, the doctor told her, “One more push, Elise, and then you can see your baby! One, two, three!”

She pushed harder than she ever did, mustering up as much strength as she could through her exhaustion, when she felt an immense pressure release from her and heard the loud wails of a small baby. She flopped back against the bed and Clint as the doctor held up her newborn baby.

“It’s a girl!”

The two spies, heartless as they used to be, both sat astonished by what they were witnessing. Their baby, their little girl was right there, right in front of them. 

“Here you go, mama,” a nurse said as she handed the wailing child to Natasha. 

Natasha grabbed her carefully and placed the child on her chest, arms wrapped around her gently as Clint was still wrapped around her too. Natasha felt a tear roll down her cheek, “Hello, little one.”

Her Anya was here. And she was beautiful. 

Both of the spies cried as they held their child for the first time. Her little screams subsided as she became more adjusted to her surroundings. The nurses got her all cleaned up, weighed and measured her, and wrapped her up in a blanket, putting a small hat on her head.

 5lb, 6 oz. 18 inches long.  

She was small, but she was mighty. 

Their little Anya Arianna Romanoff-Barton. 

[spacey-acey-artemis]

Author Meme

tagged by @shatteredhourglass (ilu)

Author Name:

candycanedarcy - but everyone who knows me calls me Arson, and I could explain why... But wouldn’t you rather live with the suspense?

Fandoms you write for:

Only Marvel at the moment. I thought about branching out, possibly into Harry Potter or into one of the many many many shows I watch, but I like my little corner of the fandom. Everyone is nice here, and it makes me fuzzy inside.

Where You Post:

Always on AO3, but everything I post there gets posted on my writing tumblr, @candycanedarcy

Most Popular One-Shot:

New Things - A Steve/Tony thing I wrote for MCU Kink Bingo a while back. My first (and only real) foray into that ship.

Tony has many, many, many kinks. He thought he had pretty much discovered them all by now. Steve shows him different.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story:

Steve Rogers: Unapologetic Slut - a 5+1 in which I explore people’s expectations regarding Steve and his presumed sexuality/virginity. I had a lot of fun writing this - I think 5+1 might be a favourite trope of mine?

Five times people found out Steve Rogers was a massive slut, plus one time he told them.

Favourite Story You Wrote:

i walked with you (once upon a dream) - hmm, this was a tough one! Ultimately, I’m choosing a more recent fic of mine, written for a friend of mine’s birthday. She requested merman!bucky and pirate!clint, and I came up with this. Part of why I love it so much is the format - like I said, 5+1 is a favourite. But mostly, it’s because it’s got mermaids and pirates and pining and adventure, and who can resist that?

Five times Clint saved Bucky, plus one time Bucky saved Clint.

Story You Were Nervous To Post:

How It Should Have Gone - 100% this one. It was my first real attempt at a multi-chapter fic with an actual plot, and although it didn’t do as well as I’d hoped (go read it right now I need validation) it still did much better than I thought it would.

When Steve Rogers wakes up from a nap he wasn't supposed to wake up from, he's not expecting much.

What do you get when you add a deaf archer, a redhead assassin, five university students at varying places on the gender spectrum, aliens, the son of your dead friend, and the fact that almost everyone else you knew is dead?

A very confused Steve Rogers. Add in a splash of romantic feelings, a ton of therapy, and Nick Fury's shitty manipulation, and well...

Steve wants to go back to sleep.

How Do You Choose Your Titles:

Song lyrics, mostly. I used to choose something from the fic, something that would only make sense once you’d read it, but song lyrics are just... Well, there’s a lyric for every situation, I think, so why not make use of that?

Do You Outline:

Sometimes? It depends. If it’s just a one-shot, normally I just wing it and hope for the best - which in most cases, is just no glaringly obvious plot holes. If it’s a multi-chapter fic or a super long one-shot, I try and have at least some idea of where it’s going, but that doesn’t always work out.

Complete:

85/86 works, which I think is pretty awesome.

In Progress:

Just the one - it’s supposed to be an unbirthday present for @flowerparrish but I keep forgetting about it. I swear, bro, once I’m done Kinktober, and MTH, and all the bingos - yeah, you know what? You know I’ll get around to it. <333

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started:

Untitled Shifter Winterhawk Fic - Bucky’s a shifter, Steve’s a shifter, Nat’s a shifter - everyone’s a shifter. Except Clint. This was just an idea that popped into my head a while back, and I decided to run with it, but it’s been sitting in my docs folder for nearly a year at this point. I’m just waiting for the muse to strike.

Untitled Winterhawk Fake Boyfriends - Again, an idea that struck that I decided to run with. This one will be chock-full of pining, misunderstandings, and some good old fashioned makeout sessions on the couch while each person is thinking “He’s only doing this because I asked, he doesn’t actually like me.” Boys, get your shit together.

Do You Accept Prompts:

Yes! I would love to do prompts and stuff, because I have so much free time that I don’t know what to do with! (You’d think I have no free time, what with all the shit I’m signed up for, but I make do.)

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write:

Untitled Time Loop Fic - Clint and Bucky (who goes by Jamie) get trapped in a time loop in the Tower a month after the events of Winter Soldier. Steve joins them eventually, and then we follow them through figuring out their feelings while also trying to get the hell out of this time loop. Ameriwinterhawk endgame - I’ll get there.

Tagging: @claraxbarton @madrefiero @1000-directions @aw-hawkeye-no (no pressure, ilu all so much <3333)

[bardicfoxes]

[D&D] Sastasha Levelileur Demanx - Rogue

Sastasha is one of my favourite characters I’ve ever written up. My first attempt at playing a rogue after years of being infatuated by dashing highwaymen, Assassins creeping through the shadows, and thieves pulling off the impossible heists. Unlike many of my characters, Sasha’s life events were rolled for using the character generation tables in the Dungeon Masters Guide which is why her story is particularly long. Sasha is still with me (If temporarily unavailable due to a deck of many things accident...void card...) and her story has only grown in time, stories I would like to write up at some point. Anyway enjoy my wonderful Rogue girl!

War has been nature for living beings since the dawn of time, sometimes loud, brash, and overt, others silent, subtle, carried out in the shadows. Deep in the forests, hidden from the eyes of mere men, the Elvish waywatchers of Athel Loren battled the bestial tribes that inhabited the forest they called home. Many beast tribes were crushed beneath the martial prowess of the Elves. Dryad, Satyr, Gorgan, all were felled. However one tribe proved too cunning, too quick, and too sly to be destroyed quite so easily. For over a hundred years, the Kitsune ran rings around the Elves, able to melt into the forest, whisper into the ears of generals, and strike from anywhere, they proved themselves more than a match for the Elves.

As in any war, each side had its key players, many a battle had been won with the sheer prowess, accuracy, and skill displayed by Kerillian Aidenish, lieutenant of a squad of elite Elvish archers, and trackers, conversely the Kitsunes had dealt near crippling blows to Elvish supply lines, and reinforcements with the cunning, guile, and daring antics of Takeda Yoshiro, roguish thief turned saboteur. Both Kerillian, and Takeda always seemed to find themselves two sides of the same coin, Kerillian would diligently follow the trail of Takeda, who in turn would loop, and twist in order to strike behind her lines. The pair crossed blades many on many occasions, their battles being recounted in stories time, after time, sometimes Kerillian would loose an arrow into Takeda, sometimes Takeda would catch Kerillian in an explosion, neither seeming to ever truly defeat the other.

The seasons rolled on, Spring into Summer, Summer to Autumn, and Autumn cascading into Winter. One Winter was particularly colder than others, blizzards pinning down entire armies, and burying the forest in a suffocating blanket of snow, and chilling sheets of ice. Colder than any Winter before it, Elf, and Kitsune fell to the cold, those strong enough to resist being driven into caves, sheltering from the elements. For the first time in over two centuries, the shadow war for the forest stopped…

In a strange turn of circumstance, both Kerillian, and Takeda found themselves separated from their allies, and trapped within the same cave network. The pair hunted one another, sparring all throughout the day, and night, clashing to an exhausted standstill. Without food, water, and warmth, they would both perish, and so an uneasy alliance between the pair formed. With her natural Elvish atunement to nature, and it’s magics, Kerillian fashioned them warmth, and shelter within the cave, and with the trademark penchant for luck, and perception Takeda possessed, he provided food, and water, through gathering, and hunting even despite the conditions. At first the pair was silent, weapons remained drawn and the taught thickness of mistrust hung over the makeshift home, however as the days stretched into weeks, which stretched further into months, even these vicious enemies began to talk, both longing for even the most base social contact. The hate they once held for each other became an uneasy relationship of sorts, which in the darkest, coldest night, when food ran scarce, and ice clawed at even the deepest parts of the cave, became an odd sort of Love. By the light of their flickering campfire, Kerillian Aidenish, and Takeda Yoshiro consummated their relationship.

As the blizzard finally rolled past, and Spring sunshine pierced the permafrost coating every tree, both Elf, and Kitsune began to feel the pull of war once more, with supplies lower than they’d ever been both factions were determined to become the dominant residents of this vast forest. Within their cave, even Kerillian, and Takeda began to grow weary of each other's presence, their love turning toxic as their dependence on each other waned, one morning Kerillian awoke to find Takeda gone, he had vanished into the night, Kerillian while thankful her throat had not been slit, cursed his name and their hunt began again. This time however, Kerillian felt a tug against her talents, like something was holding her back, concerned her unit coerced her into seeing a healer, who gave news that Kerillian would rather have never received, she was with child, two in fact, Kerillian was holding twins… No one dared question who the father was for fear of invoking the her wrath, but as no man came forward, rumors began to spread. Removed from the front lines for the safety of her children, Kerillian found herself taking care of menial tasks, her responsibilities dwindling as she became more heavily pregnant with each day. When the children were due, Kerillian chose to give birth in secret, with only a handful of her most trusted handmaidens by her side.

In the middle of the night, Kerillian gave birth, the children's names leaving her lips before she even set eyes upon them “Calcifer, Sastasha” she whispered to a Handmaiden as she shut her eyes, she couldn’t bare to look upon her children, Elves were pure in nature, untainted by lesser beings, lying with a human was one thing, but lying with a beast man of the forest, was one of the greatest dishonours she could have brought upon herself. Finally she opened her eyes and gazed upon her children. She noted dark hair, nothing like her own, a soft rounded face, reminding her not of her own sharp features, and to her disappointment, and the horror of the Handmaidens around her a pair of dark midnight ears, and a sleek black tails… Too much of a fox to be raised amongst Elves, and far too much of an Elf to be raised amongst Kitsune, Kerillian, and her Handmaidens pledged to keep the children a secret, the infant Calcifer, and Sastasha would be smuggled out of the forest, and disposed of, while everyone else would be told the infants had perished during birth.

And so, the same night, Kerillian’s most trusted Handmaiden Arryn Demanx, took the child under her cloak, and journeyed for three nights, in order to reach the edge of the forest, however as she stood, dagger in hand, she could not bring herself to execute an innocent child, she rationalised that neither Calcifer, nor Sastasha had chosen the controversy of their births, why should they receive punishment for it. Instead, Arryn took pity on them, if the beings of the forest couldn’t raise her, then perhaps the beings of the towns, and cities could. Arryn traveled further not to the first closest settlement, not to the second, but to the third, a city. The chances of the children ever finding their way back to the hidden Elvish city was minute. Sastasha was left in a basket alone, swaddled in cloth at the foot of the stone steps to a temple, men of God seemed to attract an abundance of unwanted children after all. Arryn left a note on the basket, weighed down with an Elvish Kukri which read Abandoned out of circumstance, we have left Sastasha Leveileur Demanx in your care, may you care for her more than we could...

-A But of course Sastasha, knew none of this.

---

Sastasha grew up under the tutelage of the temples various preachers, and clergymen, she learnt how to read, and write, and for the most part, kept herself busy with chores, after chores, after chores. What little time she did get for herself was spent kicking her heels in her room, or playing by herself. The people of the city of Anordal were a varied people, vast spires from the free mages college stretched into the sky, overseeing the rich markets, and magical item workshops. Despite this, Half-Kitsune such as Sastasha were rare, and as of such, she found the children around her would exclude her, to them she was weird, and foreign. With no friends to play with, Sastasha found herself wandering the halls of the temple, she would climb the belfry, or sit behind the altar listening to the organ. In fact it was during one of her sit ins to the music that the Organist called her over “Skulking in shadows” he asked as he played, Sastasha paused warily, people normally only spoke to her with cutting jibes, or to tell her she hadn’t been paying attention in her studies, however the organist seemed different “Just listening” she replied inquisitively truth be told she’d never really considered the organist existed, he rarely seemed to do anything other than play “Listening and skulking” he smiled, his teeth crooked “Good skills” he said with an added mutter “Malik Uredi” he introduced himself, never ceasing his playing, Sastasha frowned “Sastasha Leveilleur Demanx” before noting Malik’s own frown, her name was a bit of a mouthful “Sasha works though” she added before pausing for a beat “People don’t normally talk to me” she mentioned, her inquisitive nature showing. Malik mused for a second “Hm, and why do you think that is” he asked with a small smile, Sastasha frowned again “Well you know, because of how I look” she mentioned, her hand trailing through her hair, and touching the two soft ears that sat atop her head, she had taken to covering them with a hood, and tucking her brushy tail under her clothes, and around her waist. For the first time since their conversation began Malik stopped and chuckled “Sasha was it” he asked as he turned to her “Your appearance is of little consideration to me” he chuckled throatily as he gazed upon her, his eyes a sickly, milky white, he was blind.

Sastasha found herself making firm friends with Malik, helped by the fact he was the only person who would engage her socially, however on days when Malik was busy, or not there, Sastasha would wander the district in her free time, getting to know every street, every stall, and every secret alleyway. For a growing girl, with precious little to do, sometimes fun came from the most unusual places. The first time Sastasha picked a pocket was on a particularly sunny day, her lessons had been cancelled, and Malik was away, and most importantly, she was bored. Sastasha had an affinity with all things shiny, she coveted the glint of gold, or the shine of silver, and on this day, the sun caught the metallic shine of a golden pocket watch just right. Sastasha was filled with want as she watched it hang from the side of the large bestial man, it looked so delicate, and the clasp was so small, surely it wouldn’t be hard to. There was a dull click as Sastasha pulled her fingers over the clasp, and lifted the watch gently out of the man's pocket, her movements disguised by the jostling crowd, and her identity concealed by her cloaked androgynous appearance, once the watch was stowed safely in her pouch, she melted away into the crowd, and scurried off to the nearest alleyway, heart pounding against her chest. Sastasha clutched the pocket watch in her hands, it was beautiful, ornate, and meticulously polished, but most importantly, it was now hers. Sastasha took to her new hobby with gusto, her quick fingers, and delicate form making the art of pick pocketing as easy as anything, she started small, coins, loose buttons, jewelry, before moving bigger, entire money purses, pouches, jewelry, even taking things from market stalls, and on occasion slipping through open windows, and into peoples homes.

One morning, Sastasha was chatting with Malik, when he mentioned his birthday had been a week ago, Sastasha scolded him “If I’d known I would have got you something, she grumbled. Malik chuckled darkly “Oh my dear, I covet no material possessions” he rambled as he played “Although” he paused “I’ve always had a fondness for wine” he added guiltily. Sastasha sulked “I could have gotten you wine” she remarked, Malik sighed “Not the stuff you can buy in the market, I prefer something far more eclectic” he shuffled in his seat slightly, licking his lips as he remembered his choice wine “Fion Scathithe” he smiled softly “Elvish in nature, very old, very sweet, and very expensive” the thin man chuckled “You’d never be able to get your hands on any”. Sastasha frowned, something in her pulled, she was used to people telling her she couldn’t do something but this? This felt different “What makes you say that” she retorted indignantly, ignoring the explanation that Malik attempted to give “I’ll sort you something out” she smirked, before spinning on her heel, and leaving the building.

Sastasha scoured the city for the name ‘Fion Scathithe’ merchants, traders, and even smugglers turned nothing up, however there was one place she hadn’t yet checked. In the centre of Anordal lay the airship dock, where vast airships from Heavantis, bellies full of tradeable cargo from across the continent would dock, and sell their wares. Sastasha took a small collection of her favourite pieces of loot, and ventured into the bazaars within the docking tower. While Sastasha was unable to find the Wine she was hunting for, she did find information on an owner, a Wizard who lived in the Whitestone district for a touch more payment, she found his address, and set off. She had never intended to purchase the Wine from him, if it truly was as rare, and as delicious as Malic had said, there was no way a Wizard would part with it. Instead, Sastasha put her new found talents to use, crawling up a drainpipe, and slipping through a skylight, had she not been trying to keep quiet, she would of remarked how little security this Wizard seemed to have.

Sastasha dropped into a vast library, it seemed to stretch further than the building itself...Wizards were an odd folk. She scoured the vast halls, and multiple rooms until she stumbled through an office of sorts, and into a Wine cellar, there she found a beautiful elegant crystalline bottle, with a ruby red liquid inside, it was the wine she had sought out. With gloved hands she delicately removed the bottle from it’s shelf, curiously behind it there was a blue sigil, which as she pulled the bottle free, turned an angry red “Uh oh” Sastasha whispered before the air around her filled with horns of alarm, this place was better secured than she had thought. Dashing back into the office she panicked as she heard voices from outside, Wizards could be an unruly lot, and she was not looking to be on the receiving end of their scorn. On the desk next to her, were a pile of arcane scrolls, her head cocked as she looked at them before tucking the bottle securely into a pouch. She picked up a scroll, running her fingers over the dry paper, as she tried to unfurl it she found herself unable to undo the bindings, she cursed and pocketed it, before snatching up another, which thankfully was more compliant. She gazed over the foreign inscriptions, biting her lip as she heard footsteps outside, the markings made no sense to her at all, except. She paused as words came to her “Aperta...Ianua” she said, almost tentatively. There was a dull pop in front of her.

When the honoured Wizard Garrat finally mounted the courage to burst into his office, flanked by his own personal retinue of students, and serfs he found no intruder, rather instead he found a gaping passageway where his wall had been only this morning, whoever had been in his office, had clearly vanished… Sastasha sprinted through the streets, desperate to return before anyone could threaten her spoils, she practically fell through the doors to the Temple, remembering herself and straightening up, before nonchalantly wandering up to Malik “Hm Sasha” he greeted “Out of breath, have you gotten in trouble” the old man asked with a sly smirk. Sastasha growled, her triumphantly casual entrance ruined “Happy Birthday old man” she grinned regaining her composure as she produced the elegant bottle. Malik stopped playing as his hands ran over the bottle “Oh” he said simply, the interest in his voice palpable “Now this is interesting” he murmured “Who was it taken from” Malik said directly, his voice a little more colder than usual. Sastasha spluttered “What do you mean who was it taken-” Malik cut her off “Sasha” he said, turning his milky gaze to her “I’m blind, not stupid” he said gesturing to her thieves pouch “You think I don’t hear the collections you’ve been bringing home Hm” he asked “Or understand that a single bottle of Fion Scathithe can cost more than I could ever hope to earn, let alone a half spawn such as yourself” his words were almost scathing, but not out of hate, almost annoyance, as if he was disappointed Sastasha had even tried to lie to him. The Vulpine ears atop her head sank underneath her hood, Malik smirked “Do not despair Sasha, your secret is safe with me” he cut in before she could leave “In fact, I’m rather impressed with your work, I feel that maybe we could form a” he licked his lips as he held the wine bottle “partnership of sorts”. Sastasha cocked her head, Malik may have been blind, but his intuition, and perception was incredible “Now run along little Sasha” he smirked “I’ll be in touch” he added as he waved Sastasha away, who returned to her room in contemplation, who really was Malik Uredi….

--

Malik Uredi called Sastasha to his side the next evening, “Follow me” he said simply, as he tapped a cane on the floor, holding an arm out to Sastasha “We’re going on a walk” the aging man mentioned. Almost out of bewilderment, Sastasha looped her arm around his, allowing him to take her through streets, and back alleys, and though Sastasha would never admit it, through areas that even she didn’t know. After an hours walk in relative silence save for the chattering crowds, and tapping of Maliks cane, they arrived in a large graveyard. Malik strode forward, his cane no longer tapping the floor, as if he knew this place from memory, approaching a large stone casket shaped memorial he tapped his cane three times on a central ornament, then another twice, then finally three more times. Nothing happened, Sastasha looked up at him “What are we doi-” a heavy grinding noise sounded, as the caskets lid slid back, revealing a set of dark stairs “Patience my child, patience” Malik chuckled darkly as he lead her down the staircase.

The staircase went down to a tunnel, which was as black as pitch, Sastasha’s eyesight could just make out the walls, and how they twisted, and turned into the depths of the city. Presently, she found the light levels raising, as they entered a large antichamber. Torches burnt brightly in brackets on the walls, and crates, chairs, tables, and benches were placed around giving the place a surprisingly homely touch. A basic bar had been set up, and clustered around it were a group of different figures. Sastasha looked to Malik, who picked up on her confusion “The Jackdaws of Anordal” Malik nodded with a wry smile “A group of like minded men, and women” he mentioned as he pulled her forward “Thieves, pickpockets, burgarlers, and well” he smirked “Criminals”. Sastasha looked upon the diverse group of men, and women who turned to her “Until now, you’ve been nothing but a meer child, dancing through the crowds, swiping scraps, and being nothing more than a minor nuisance” Malik said derisively “But” he added quickly “Under the tutelage of the Jackdaws, I feel we could really make something of you”. Sastasha cocked her head in confusion “Wait, I don’t understa-” Malik sighed, interrupting her “It’s a thievery syndicate” he said testily “One that I believe might be of great benefit to you”. Sastasha nodded slowly, it couldn’t hurt to receive some advice…

Displaying her natural prowess, and potential, Sastasha was a fast learner, devouring any, and all lessons given to her. While her pick pocketing was good, there was always room for improvement Alexi,a red skinned Teifling taught her the finer arts of concealment, and how to slip through crowds undetected. Barouq, a wiry Kenku corrected her stances, and strikes, teaching her how to take care of herself in combat. The minor inconsistencies displayed in her pickpocketing were highlighted by Chenni a particularly deft, and mischievous Halfling. And finally a proficiency in lock breaking, utilising the thieves tools, and secretive thieves cant were taught to her by none other than the blind Malik, who despite his disability, was able to pick locks with the greatest of ease.

Despite balancing chores, her temple duties, and keeping Maugh unaware, Sastasha learnt what would take any ordinary thief years, in just a matter of months, and while Malik was apprehensive to offer her the position as a fully fledged member of the Jackdaws, she was considered an honorary ally, able to use their knowledge, and facilities whenever she saw fit. With these new facilities she had the means to expand her work, no prize too daring for her, the Jackdaws applauding her work. One evening, Sastasha crouched above the city, balancing on a narrow beam, a dark hood, and mask obscuring her features. Tonight wasn’t about her, Malik had made a special request. Housed in a glass cabinet proudly displayed above the dining table of the honourable magistrate Hadvir Angast, was a beautiful sculpture known as the ‘Frozen Flower’ a delicate rose crafted from enchanted ice, that could never melt. Malik wanted to feel the cold ridges, and smooth petals for himself, Sasha wanted a challenge. It was a win, win situation.

With an increased range of skills, and experience, Sastasha slipped into the magistrates house, picking the lock to his cellar. From there she made her way past his scant guardsmen, and into his luxurious dining chamber. Though she longed to take the glinting silverware, or gleaming crystalline glasses, she suppressed her desire, where she rounded the corner, and locked eyes on the glass cabinet, and a young man eagerly reaching inside. Sastasha waited patiently for him to pick up the frozen flower, he was unmasked, and seemed to have no tools on his person, he looked like an amateur. As he turned he saw Sastasha, his face was soft, and if Sastasha had to admit it, he was a rather attractive human. He smiled, almost melting Sastasha’s heart “Ah, how awkward” he said softly, his accent clipped, and clean “I assume you’re looking for this too” he asked, almost politely, as he held out the ornate flower, made out of the cleanest ice Sastasha had ever seen. Unwilling to reveal her voice, she simply nodded, stepped forward, and held out her palm flat, she would give him the choice of handing it over. The blonde retreated “Ah, I do apologise, but it seems I got here first” he continued, the words pouring out in a softly spoken symphony “Maybe next time you might be a little quicker perhaps” he mentioned “If you don’t mind my advice” he added with a half smile as he backed away. This wasn’t the place for games, Sastasha strode forward, stopping suddenly as she felt a crunch under her feet as she trod on a circle of glass that had been cut out of the case. When she looked up, the young man had delicately placed the icy flower between his lips, as he untucked the front of his shirt, loosened his tie, and ruffled his hair into an untidy mess. Sastasha cocked her head, placing a hand on her dagger “I do apologise my dear” he said as he retrieved the rose, wrapping it in a white handkerchief, and placing it in his pocket “But a patsy is exactly what I need” and with that, the young man yelled for the guards, he cried a warning out, which was almost instantly answered by the thudding of heavy boots from the guards at the end of the floor “Farewell” he said with a smirk, as Sastasha spun on her heels, and bolted for the nearby window.

After an hour of running, climbing, dodging, and leaping, Sastasha finally lost her pursuers, she was hot, tired, thirsty, and more ticked off than she’d ever been before. Nobody beat her to the prize like that, and she never came home empty handed. She seethed for another hour before returning to Malik, who seemed rather non fussed with the whole situation. For Sastasha this was the beginning of a long series of run ins with the handsome blonde thief, art seemed to be his particular love, and he forever seemed to be a step ahead of Sastasha. Despite his larceny he never obscured his face, nor did he ever seem to really hide, it was as if he had a natural trustworthiness about him. Every time he beat Sastasha to a prize, or called the guards on her she would seethe, and fume for hours, sometimes days afterwards. On occasion, her escapes were aided by the king of the beggars, who agreed to hide her, always stating she would pay him back in time. On a particularly sunny day, Sastasha found herself in a library in the Whitestone District, picking up a series of books for a deacon who was staying at the Temple. While there, she heard a familiar boyish chuckle. There, at the other end of the library, was the thief that had plagued her every attempt at art theft, but if she could find out who he was, she could find his home, and steal what he had stolen, it would be perfect.

Even with her hood up, people had commented on Sastasha’s soft features, dark silken hair, and fair nature, it would help she was a near natural flirt, and an even better manipulator. She took her time, casually making her way around the library, until she found herself next to the devilishly handsome thief, where she coyly let a book slide off her pile and onto the ground in front of him. As she had predicted, he practically dove on the book in a display of chivalry, and passed it up to her “Be careful my lady, the Wizards here don’t tend to allow rough treatments of the tomes, even by somebody as pretty as yourself” he smiled charmingly. Though Sastasha had expected this, she couldn’t help but be momentarily taken aback by his warming smile, she stammered, and almost forgot her plan “A-ah thank you s-sir” she stuttered as she collected herself “I feel maybe I didn’t have the grip I first thought” she continued, playing the part of a sweet, and innocent maiden “Sorry I didn’t catch your name” she asked with a soft smile. The young man chuckled “That’s alright” he replied “I didn’t tell it to you” he responded slyly before gesturing at the sigil of Selune on her broach “From the Temple on the other side of the Whitestone district” he asked with a raised eyebrow “I suspect you’ll have a carriage waiting outside correct” he added astutely. Sastasha blinked, unwilling to let the act go “Oh, yes” she answered, keeping her cool, despite the anger boiling underneath “Excellent, so how about we check these books out for you, and I’ll help you to your carriage”, he was undeniably sickly sweet…

After checking the books out, and letting the young man guide her to her carriage, he bowed as she climbed in “Charmed to meet you….again” he said with a small smirk “I must say, you are rather pretty without the mask” he purred. Sastasha growled in response as she tightened her hands into fists “Oh come on” he smirked “I could recognise those eyes anywhere” as he took a step back. The carriage began to roll off “Nathaniel” he grinned as he faded into the crowd. Sastasha fumed extra hard that night. The Vulpine girl would not see Nathaniel for some time, her forays didn’t take her back to the art world for a short while, instead she busied herself with her own endeavours. After a few months, Chenni, the halfling girl from the Jackdaws recommended Sasha a job for one of her clients. A Heavantis shipment of finery was due to reach Anordal within the week, and a certain client of Chenni desired an opulent oil canvas aboard the shipment. Eager to impress the Jackdaws, Sastasha snapped up the job. She poured every skill she had at her disposal, casing the airship dock, snatching shipping manifests, and running through a perfect plan of action in her head.

It was late when Sastasha slipped out of the temple, and skulked through the streets to the airship dock, keeping her hooded figure obscured by the crowds, and bustling merchants, until she could find her way up to the dock itself, where she positioned herself in the shadows of the wooden rafters and waited for the ship to arrive. As if by clockwork the Heavantis airship ‘Noctis Opulentos’ drifted silently into its moorings. Sastasha’s movements would need to be precise, and disciplined, very few had managed to successfully steal from one of these ships. She leapt from the rafters onto the ships rigging, and slid down a rope, darting past dock workers, deck hands, and merchants as if she were blinking from shadow, to shadow. Despite the sheer amount of people between her, and her destination, she managed to find her way into the holds of the ship, tracking her progress through the map she had memorised, it had been rather expensive to bribe for that particular piece of information. Before long, she arrived at the cargo compartment she was searching for, there were less people down here at this moment, most of them were further up the ship, unloading the more perishable cargo. With a small struggle, Sastasha picked the lock into the compartment, and began scouring the finery for her prize, she longed to fill her pockets with the shining diamonds, and clear cut emeralds, or the ornate wooden carvings, and brass statues that shined so invitingly, she resisted and stayed on target, a girl such as her could lose her mind with greed in here, and maybe she would have, if Chenni’s client had not promised such a hefty reward. She picked the lock on a large wooden chest, her eyes scanning the ornate frames inside, it was exactly what she was looking for. Getting this painting off the ship was a challenge already, doing it contained in the huge ornamental frame would be nigh impossible, she begrudgingly levered the top panel off the frame, flinching as it splintered away, she could almost hear some distant artisan screaming as she did so. With the cation that one would exhibit while handling a glass butterfly, Sastasha gently slipped the canvas out, it was a gorgeous picture depicting a icy night, and a blood red aurora splitting the sky, it was a rather chilling sight that spread a sense of unease through Sasha, when she had been but a child, she had gazed out her window at the same cosmic pattern, it had become a sort of omen to her. She shook off the notion, and rolled the parchment up, slipping it into a protective tube which was slung over her back.

There was a prick of cold steel against the back of her neck “My, my” an infuriatingly sweet voice crooned “You must be improving, you beat me to this one” Sastasha raised her palms, gritting her teeth as she did so “I must say, I’m impressed, did you really manage to slip down here unnoticed” her rival asked, she should have known such an artistic catch would have attracted him. Sastasha took a breath as she felt his dagger point against the nape of her neck “It took some planning” she admitted “And a fair amount of groundwork, and coin” the raven haired girl added “But I’m good enough to pull it off” Sastasha added with a touch of confidence “And yourself” she asked “You don’t strike me as one to hide in the shadows”. Her rival chuckled “Yes, you’ve got me there” he admitted as he took a step back “Turn to face me, nice and slow” he ordered “Keep your hands where I can see them”. Sastasha complied, locking eyes with his, he was a devilishly handsome young man, and in other circumstances she might find herself quite infatuated with him, unlike her dark, functional clothes, he wore a lavish blue, and gold attire, a long coat with a smart white ruffled neck piece “You’re right” he smiled “I don’t take to the shadows as you do, I prefer a far more direct approach” he lectured, touching the point of the knife to his gloved finger “Nathaniel Kadgar Cradagast” he said, bowing his head softly, never taking his eyes off Sastasha “My father is Eobus Cradagast of the council of free mages, it allows me certain allowances when talking my way into places” he continued “It’s also a perfect shield, not one soul would believe that the son of the great Cradagast would stoop to such debauchery” the blonde chuckled “But, I digress, time is still of the essence” Nathaniel sighed as he stepped forward, pulling Sastasha’s face mask down exposing her fair features “I’d hate to have to hurt you” he whispered “So how about you just hand over the canvas, and I’ll” he paused as he flirtatiously tugged her hood down “O-oh” he breathed, as his eyes gazed at her soft black ears, his stare tracing the frosted white tips. He was distracted for only a split second, but his theatrics had given Sasha the opportunity she needed.

With a sharp thrust, she jabbed her palm upwards into his nose, before bringing the edge of her open palm down on his wrist, knocking the knife from his grip, she spun her body, rolling around him, and bolted for the door, she wasn’t losing her prize to him, not again. Before she could leave the hold however, she felt the air behind her crystallise, and chill. Sastasha threw herself to the side not a moment too soon, as a beam of blue white light shot past her, spidering into frost on the wall ahead of her. Behind her, Nathaniel heald his palm outstretched, a deep blue sigil traced in the air ahead of him, contrasting the crimson trickle of blood from his nose “That was impolite” he smirked “We can of course do this the hard way, it’s been a while since I’ve stretched my magics” He darted forward, Sasha’s hand going for her dagger when he caught her wrist. Her wrist was encompassed by another dark blue sigil, and suddenly began to feel painfully cold, she tugged at her dagger, but it refused to draw, Nathaniel smirked “Frost can make the blade stick” Sastasha pulled back, tearing Nathaniel's hand from her wrist, without a weapon, she couldn’t fight him, so instead, she pulled back and retreated, dancing past another ray of frost as it hurtled towards her. Stealth was no longer an option, she would have to rely on her speed, and agility, she tugged her hood up over her ears, and mask over her face, and sprinted through the holds, spinning around those who got in her way, and dodging past anyone who tried to stop her.

She burst out onto the deck of the airship, there was a single beat of silence as she felt the eyes of every member of the crew upon her, before someone yelled, and all hell broke loose. Dodging just out of the grasp of those around her she ran for the edge of the ship, making a leap of faith through the air, she became very aware of the distance that stretched out below her, and for a second, thought she had made a terrible mistake, before her fingers wrapped around one of the thick mooring ropes that bound ships to the side of the dock. With only seconds to formulate a plan, she gripped with her boots, and gloved hands, this was not going to be an easy escape. Gently loosening her grip, she allowed herself to slide down the rope, picking up speed as she followed the long cable down, and down the outside of the tower, the yells above her being drowned out by the whining of her leathers against the rope, and her nose picked up the smell of burning, and a touch of smoke. Looking over her shoulder, she judged her distance, and tightened her grip with all the strength she could muster. She slowed, the acrid burning smell from her gloves swelling as she ground to a stop several meters off the ground. She dropped from the rope onto a small awning, and rolled off into a crouch on the ground. With legs trembling from the adrenaline, and hands itching from the heat of her gloves she looked up at the docked ship, she had just pulled off the ultimate job.

Not eager to hang around she dropped her mask, and headed in the direction of the Jackdaws hideout, only when she reached sanctuary would she feel that the task had been completed. It was late, the streets were empty, and Heavantis would never admit something had been taken from them, and yet something felt off? A noise emanated from behind her, she only caught it because of the astute hearing of her ears, it sounded like metal being drawn from a sheath, she spun around, too late as a there was a sharp rending pain in her side that drove the breath from her lungs. She struggled against her attacker, pulling away with the blade still jutting from her, out of the corner of her eye she saw her assailant, a bizarley well dressed Tabaxi, with a delicate white mask over his eyes. Sastasha turned and ran, each step forcing more breath from her lungs, in her hobbled state, she was unable to move too fast. She was very aware of her assailant, he wasn’t pressing the attack any further, rather he was following, keeping pace a few meters behind her as she ran. She kept her pace for fifteen minutes, before a combination of shock, tiredness, and blood loss brought her to the floor in a dusty alleyway. Try as she might, she couldn’t bring herself to her feet, nor could she even begin to drag herself away, she was at her attackers mercy. Her attacker crouched next to her, a long, jagged dagger in his left hand “Forfeit your stolen property” he said emotionlessly as he held an outstretched palm towards Sastasha, she didn’t respond, rather she clutched the tube tightly in her hands as she bled freely onto the floor, the thick crimson liquid filling the cracks in the stone around her. Her attacker sighed “Now” he growled as he forcefully pulled the tube away from Sastasha. Until now, she hadn’t realised her strength leaving her, but as her well dressed assailant took the tube away from her with no resistance, the severity of her situation began to dawn on her.

A voice rang out from behind her assailant “What’s going on here”, both Sastasha, and the agent of Heavantis turned to the source of the voice, it was Nathaniel, the agent stowed his blade “By order of the merchant republic of Heaveantis, stolen goods were reclaimed” he said confidently “Find this citizen a doctor, my business is done with them”. Nathaniel smiled warmley “Of course sir, I congratulate your ability to dispense justice” the blonde continued charismatically as he shook the agents hand. There was a soft glow of rosy pink light from his hand, as a sigil enveloped his glove, traveling up the agents arm “Would you like me to hold that while you clean your blade” he asked warmly. The agent nodded with an odd familiarity, and handed over the tube willingly before setting to work cleaning Sastasha’s blood of his jagged dagger. Sasha looked up at Nathaniel as he looped the strap of the tube over his shoulder, he mouthed a soft apology to Sasha, before turning on his heal and calmly walking away. A span of five minutes passed before the agent looked up, he paused for a second before cursing in a foreign language, and bolting in the direction of Nathaniel, Sastasha was alone...

She tried to pull herself to her feet, but she was far too weak to do so, collapsing she felt her eyes close, she was dying here, in some alley way, she couldn’t help but think of Maugh, he would never know what happened to her… As she lay shivering on the floor, she became aware of a being nearby, she was too weak to look up, or resist when the figure lay a hand on her, checking her over, and pulling her hood down, she felt him pause before drawing her close, she tried to pull away, but there was something about him, his smell was almost familiar, safe, instead of pulling away, she huddled closer to him, letting him pick her up and move her. She was only dimly aware of the events that followed, she knew she was taken somewhere, she could feel someone patch up her wound, and was aware she was being taken care of. She finally got the strength to open her eyes and look around one morning, she was in a humble room, the bed was comfortable, and several candles kept the room warm, and light. She winced as she pulled herself to her feet, she wasn’t wearing her clothes, instead she was wearing a pair of surprisingly soft pajamas. Sastasha instantly became paranoid, she had no idea where she was, and whoever she was with had clearly undressed her which meant! She turned to a long mirror on the wall and looked at herself, her ears were on display atop her head, and to her horror her vulpine tail was hanging from behind her, whoever’s home she was staying in, knew about her more bestial aspects…

Sastasha paused and considered escaping via a window, but her belongings were missing, her leathers, equipment, and her dagger, and there was no way she was leaving without it. She tried the door, locked. Sasha returned to the bed and sat down trying to plan her next move. A short while later, she heard a key turn in the door, she stood and prepared for anything, however, she never could have truly prepared for what came through the door.

Standing in front of her, was a young male, a similar in height to her, his features were sharp, and he had a single small scar across his left cheek. However the most striking feature about him lay atop his head, he too was adorned with a pair of silken vulpine ears of midnight black, frosted with white. Sasha was taken aback, she paced around him taking in every detail, from the tip of his ears to the base of his, yes, he too had a dark tail “W-who are you” she muttered quietly, his scent was the same as the scent of the man who had saved her. The two stared at each other, each nearly as taken aback as the other, Sasha noticed his weapon, a dark hilted Kukri, it’s sheath inscribed with a similar set of markings as hers. The male nodded “Calcifer” he replied simply as now he paced around her “I feel like I know you” he added “Your name” the raven haired boy asked. “Sastasha” she responded “I feel I know you too, you’re familiar, but I’ve never met anyone like me” she responded, gesturing to the ears atop her head. Sasha paused “Where am I” she asked “And how long have I been here”, Calcifer paused for a second “You’re in the ‘Whitestone Ash’ Tavern, and you’ve been here” he mulled the answer over “Two days, you heal quickly” he remarked with a smile. Sastasha nodded “And my things” she accused, Calcifer held his hands up “Okrid took them, he said they needed a wash, and that we probably shouldn’t leave you with a weapon when you woke up” Sastasha cocked her head “Oh er, Okrid is my dad” he explained “Adopted, not by birth, he’s nice” the young man added with a smile. Sastasha nodded, relaxing a little, Calcifer seemed trustworthy after all.

Sasha��s gear was returned to her by a large half orc, she was told she was welcome any time. Neither Okrid, nor his Tiefling wife Astrid questioned her on the events leading up to her injury, they were just glad she was safe. When she arrived back at the abbey, she told Maugh about who she had met, casually leaving out her injury, theft, and near death experience. Initially she was unwilling to pry any further, it was in fact Maugh who pushed her to visit Calcifer once more. Over the course of the next few days Sastasha spent a lot of time at the Whitestone Ash, talking to Calcifer, and his adopted parents, it was only a matter of hours however that she made her biggest discovery. Calcifer was left in the Whitestone Ash, much as Sastasha had been left at the temple of Selune, and to make matters even more interesting, as well as a matching dagger, he was also left with a near identical note to her. Sastasha compared the note to hers “Calcifer Leveileur Demanx” she whispered, Calcifer’s cheeks glowed red “Ah yeah, I’ve always hated that surname” he admitted. Sastasha nodded, smiling as she suppressed the urge to cry “Yeah me too” for the first time since she and Maugh had shared the sight of the moon rising in their room together, she had found family.

Sastasha, and Calcifer became almost as firm friends as Sasha, and Maugh. Sastasha would explore the city with her brother whenever Maugh was otherwise indisposed with the various duties a paladin in training was tasked with. When Maugh was available, the three misfits would wander the streets, and markets, or simply relax at the Whitestone Ash, where they got to know Okrid, and Astrid. Both Sasha, and Maugh had never felt so popular. Sastasha even shared her more criminal secrets with Calcifer, spinning him long tales of intrigue, daring escapes, and fine thefts. Calcifer lay hooked on every word. Like Sastasha, Calcifer also found comfort in a less than legal profession. While he wouldn’t share much with his sister, it seemed he had found his calling as a state appointed Assassin. Sasha knew they had existed, but never truly believed they were active. Like finger, and thumb, the two grew closer, and closer, more than making up for lost time. Soon they began to include one another in their respective professions. When Calcifer needed a particularly difficult lock cracked, or someone to help him slip past watchful eyes, he would call upon Sastasha. Likewise, if Sasha simply needed somebody to watch her back, or to give her aid with a tough series of guards, she wouldn’t hesitate to enlist Calcifer in her activities. The pair swept across the city, no lock too tight, no patrol too tough. They felt invincible.

It was after one of these successful team ups, that both Calcifer, and Sastasha sat on a balcony, legs dangling above the city, that the pair found themselves talking about a future. Sastasha didn’t want to spend her life living amongst the thinly labeled prejudices of the temple of Selune, and Calcifer, as much as he loved Okrid, and Astrid, didn’t want to constantly live under their feet. So they talked. What if they...acquired, the funds to purchase their own place, where they could make the rules, Sastasha even suggested opening the idea to Maugh, three oddities who could live under the same roof, in a place they could all call home, Calcifer himself admitted interest in opening a tavern of his own. Over the course of the night, what started as a distant fantasy, began to seem more, and more a reality as they talked about it, all they would need, was money, and if there were two people in the city that could obtain a vast quantity of money, in a short time. It was them.

As well as being a hub for mages, Anordal boasted a hefty population of merchants, hundreds of stalls, and shops littered the markets, and all of those needed places to keep their money. The Vidulum was a large compound of storage rooms, and safes designed for that purpose. The plan was simple, break in, steal the money they needed, and escape via the sewer tunnels. It wouldn’t be the hardest job they had pulled, but it would require complete synergy on their part.

So, on a moonlit night, the two fox children skipped across rooftops, and slid down drain pipes, until they made their way to the Vidulum. Slipping in through the shadows they set to work, Sasha picking the locks, and Calcifer watching her back, as well as holding the gold. They were smart, taking only a skimming from each vault, as opposed to a large take from one, this way, each Merchant would only record a loss of a few gold pieces, enough to be written off as an accounting mistake. The pair went undiscovered until closing the final vault, when a Merchant, and his retinue made an unexpected visit to the Vidulum. Both parties stared at each other for a second, before chaos erupted. Arrows flew, and shouts of alarm were sounded, Calcifer grabbed his sister and pulled her towards their escape route. They climbed over the wall of the Vidulum, and dropped into the streets, the eyes of the night markets all on them. There was no time to lose, they darted forward, and dropped through a hole into the sewer tunnels, feet pounding, echoing against the stone walls as they ran through the maze of tunnels, they couldn’t help but laugh as they ran, they were almost home free. The end of the tunnel opened up to a five meter drop into a deep canal, Sastasha leapt, barley breaking her stride as she crossed the waters, and landed on the other side with a smart roll. That was when she heard a large splash behind her. She spun on one heel, only ripples decorated the water's surface. In the early dawns light, everything was silent.

The next month dragged for Sastasha, and she was only dimly aware of the proceedings. She had sat by the waters edge, shivering for quite some time, before Maugh tracked her down, she knew Maugh had entered the water, and recovered the still form of Calcifer, wrapping him in a cloak. It was funny, he almost looked as if he was just sleeping… Sasha was taken home by Martin, a squire of Maughs, while Maugh broke the news to Okrid, and Astrid. To this day they refuse to blame Sastasha for what happened, but the guilt gnawing at Sasha refuses to die. Maugh also returned the gold to the Vidulum, stating he’d simply found it, and heard the news it had been stolen. The only thing Sasha was left with, was the dark kukri dagger, now the soul owner she had lost the only blood family she ever knew, Sasha lived in a haze, it would be quite some time before she picked herself out of it.

A year later, Sastasha was almost back to her old self, besides private moments in the corners of her own mind, where guilt, and sadness still bit at her thoughts, she was once again smiling, joking, and socialising with Maugh, on the odd occasions they found themselves at the Whitestone Ash she would take some coaxing to come out of her shell, but Okrid, and Astrid were still as welcoming as ever. During one of her excursions with Maugh, to preach the word of Selune at the main entrance to the city, Sastasha met a most peculiar fellow. He wasn’t dressed like the others who milled through the gates, rather he wore a strange attire, that while seeming functional, and protective, had the appearance of something formal. He stopped to listen to Maugh for a short while. This wasn’t the first time Maugh had been sent to speak the word of their Goddess, and it wasn’t the first time Maugh had drawn a small crowd, if only for those in the crowd to stare at his unique form. As Maugh preached, Sastasha carried out various rituals, and blessings, spreading salt, handing out moon lilies, and the like. When she reached the well dressed stranger, he gently took a lilly from her basket, and smiled in thanks. His smile near melted Sastasha, smiles from handsome men had long been her weakness, and this new figure was unknowingly exploiting that.

After Maugh’s sermon had finished, the stranger waited behind until the crowd of gawking onlookers had dispersed, Sasha saw him approach and mutter some words to Maugh, it always put her on edge watching people approach the giant Lizard man, but both seemed happy, The stranger even shook Maugh’s hand before leaving. Sastasha was captivated, nobody had ever reacted so, well, kindly to Maugh before. As the man walked past she bumped into him, he turned to face her “My apologies” he said in a foreign accent, Sastasha bowed her head “No sir, my apologies, I must have let my mind wander” the man smiled again and Sastasha had to hold herself up, before excusing himself and turning to leave. Sasha stood next to Maugh “Hey big guy” she mentioned, staring after the man “Who was he” the raven haired girl asked. Maugh shrugged “Just a member of the crowd, wanted to thank me for the Sermon” he hissed. Sasha nodded “Hm” she muttered, casually opening her hand and dropping a silver pocket watch onto the floor subtly “Hey” she asked bending down, making a show of picking it up “Did he leave this behind” she asked. Maugh raised a scaly eyebrow at her, they’d known each other a long time, and it was hard to pull a fast one on him, Sasha smirked “I guess I’ll go return it….see you back at the Temple” she chirped before slipping off into the crowd after the mysterious man.

She dashed past merchants, and between families of travellers before finding the man, and falling into line a few meters behind him, she followed with inquisitive steps as he turned off the main road, and into a side street. Without such a crowd around him she might actually get a chance to talk to him “Hey” she called out as she jogged up to him, the man turned around, a thick head of red hair atop his head, the fringe falling over his eyes “Oh, from the entrance right” he asked as she came to a stop “Yeah” Sastasha replied “You dropped this” she said proudly holding the pocket watch out to him. The man paused for a second, taking it from her hand “Curious” he muttered “I dropped it you say” the red head added, a touch of disbelief to his voice, Sasha nodded “yeah, I thought I’d get it back to yo-” the man cut in “It was clasped quite firmly to my inner pocket you see” he said simply “Are you sure it didn’t find its way into your possession when you bumped into me” he asked knowingly. Sasha’s breath caught in her throat, she was sure she’d been more careful than that, her deft fingers had never got her caught before. The man continued “Though it’s strange, if you took it from me, why would you rush to return it, were you planning on me offering a reward” he asked “The watch itself would sell for a high price as it is” the man folded his arms “No, you’re smarter than that I feel” he rationalised as he looked her over “Which means you knew what you were doing, but just didn’t expect me to realise” he frowned “Though I must say your end is rather obscure to me, what was your goal here”. Sastasha blinked, almost letting the warmth of a blush spill onto her cheeks “well you know” she stammered, excuses flying through her mind “You were just very nice to Maugh, and I wanted to” she paused letting the words form in her head “Thank you for it” she finished. The man chuckled “So you stole my watch” he asked with disbelief “That seems rather backwards”, Sastasha coughed “Look clearly it didn’t work out the way I thought it would so, I guess I’ll take my leave”. The man shook his head “No come on, you’ve got this far, Maugh” he mentioned, rolling the name around his tongue as if sampling a fine wine “Interesting, so that would make you Sastasha then right” he asked. Sastasha took a step back “You’ve heard of me” she asked a with a small touch of accusation to her voice. The man shook his head and smiled “No, no, should I have” he asked with a raised eyebrow “It’s your necklace” he said, pointing at the flint stone just poking out of her top “It has your name on it right” he asked, gently taking the flint pendent in his hand. Sastasha smiled softly “You can read it” she asked, her interest growing with each word, “So you know my name, what do I call you” she asked. The man responded in kind “Sahelanthropus of Kynesgrove” Sastasha blinked twice, the name near flying completely over her head “Sa-ha-lan” she frowned, messing up the name. Sahelanthropus gave a boyish chuckle “Maybe I could teach you the pronunciation over dinner” he asked casually “It would give you a chance to apologise for taking my watch” he added slipping the silver watch into his pocket “How about I meet you at the Temple early evening” he asked. Sastasha stammered a yes as Sahelanthropus turned on his heel “Excellent, I’ll see you then” he called over his shoulder, as he strode off down the street.

Sastasha had been on dates before, she’d even had a couple of short relationships before, it was amazing how quickly people forget their prejudices around a pretty girl. As a daughter of the temple, she wasn’t strictly supposed to behave in such a way, but they way she saw it, if Salune had a problem with it, she was bound to let her know...right? She bid farewell to Maugh, who had playfully teased her about her upcoming date all evening, as she had thought earlier, it was hard to keep things from him. Sahelanthropus awaited Sastasha across the street from the Temple, wearing a fine long coat, boots, and smart scarf, he was dressed far more finely than Sastasha, who was in what she considered her ‘best’ clothes, a White set of clothing with gold buckles, and a red trim, officially it was supposed to be her temple duties attire, for use during the sermons, and rituals inside the Temple, and it’s grounds. However a previous fling had remarked how good it looked on her, and sealed it’s fate as her go to date wear. To say her and Sahelanthropus hit it off would be an understatement, she hung off his every word, and story, enamored by the tapestries of adventure he spun with his words, he was well travelled to say the least, and Sasha found herself asking questions on every city, and every land he talked of, he explained the thin air of Heavantis, and the strange warmth of Catedrala with such detail, the vulpine girl could almost feel herself walking the streets of these strange places. She had been afraid her own stories couldn’t possible match up, but Sahelanthropus was more than interested enough in her Temple duties, her relationship with Maugh, and what she busied herself with in her day, to day life, even though Sastasha kept the more illegal activities she partook in secret, she still found the red head enamoured by every word.

When their dinner had finished, Sahelanthropus refused to let Sasha pay, despite the fact it was supposed to be an apology for the light theft of earlier “So” Sasha said, rocking back, and forth on her heels as they stood in the chilly night air “Will I see you again” she asked with a playful smirk. The red head mulled it over, rubbing his dark chin “Well” he paused “I suppose you managed to keep your fingers to yourself this time” he muttered with a teasing tone “And you enjoyed yourself” Sasha pointed out, almost impatiently. The finely dressed man chuckled “And I did enjoy myself” he repeated “Alright, I’ll meet with you again” he said “Well Sastasha Leveilleur Demanx” he said with perfect diction, causing a small shudder of disgust from Sastasha “I’ll be seeing you soon” he said with a more than perfect smile.

Sastasha, and Sahelanthropus met several more times after that, relishing each others company, it was a near seamless transition into a deeper relationship, and though it wasn’t the first romance Sastasha had experienced, it was the best. Sastasha introduced Sahelanthropus to Maugh, and in turn to Okrid, and Astrid when the three of them visited the Whitestone Ash, Maugh, Okrid, and Astrid all teased Sastasha in a playful family kind of way, Maugh never letting the jokes grow old. Both Sastasha, and Sahelanthropus were seemingly made for each other, and even when Sahelanthropus took his frequent excursions out of the town for what he called ‘business trips’, when they reunited they would more than make up for lost time.

The pair had been together for three months now, and on occasion Sahelanthropus would take Sastasha on short excursions, be it a night in an Inn in another town, or just a wander through the plains, and forests. While Sastasha had always been warned not to stray too far from the city walls for fear of beasts of the wilds, she had previously accompanied Maugh on some of his jobs in the nearby towns, regardless however, Sahelanthropus promised himself a capable fighter, and vowed to protect Sastasha should she need it, and despite the fact Sasha was positive she’d never seen Sahelanthropus draw the ornate rapier on his hip, she was more than willing to let him offer to be her proverbial knight in shining armour. On a particularly mild day, Sasha found herself wandering through one of the many forests around Anordal with Sahelanthropus, it had started like any other walk, although Sastasha felt them going deeper into the forest then they had before “Should we go this deep” she asked, doubt in her voice, Sahelanthropus paused, almost conflicted “You know” he said quietly “You’re right, how foolish of me, come let’s return to th-” Sastasha cut him off, pressing a finger to his lips “Shh” she hushed sharply, her ears twitching freely, after all Sahelanthropus had seen more than just her head, it seemed silly to keep things obscured from him. As her ears honed in on a noise emanating around them, her eyes widened “Duck” she yelped as she pulled Sahelanthropus down on top of her, as she did a man sized serpent struck out, it’s jaws closing around the space where Sahelanthropus had been not two moments ago. Like a bolt of lightning Sahelanthropus drew the fine silver blade from its sheath and stabbed upwards, piercing the serpent through its mouth, the reptile recoiled, dragging the sword, and redhead with it, deeper into the forest.

Sastasha leapt to her feet and took off after him, she had never heard of Serpent’s in these forests, the northern lands were supposed to be too cold, it was a miracle that Maugh was so comfortable up here. She drew her twin blades and slashed through the dense trees, her ears swiveling atop her head as she chased the noise of combat ahead of her. She burst into a clearing in time to see a second serpent wrap itself around Sahelanthropus, she plunged her daggers into the back of it’s head without hesitation, twisting, and tearing them out as she felt it’s body shiver, and twist beneath her. Sahelanthropus rolled out from beneath its body “You should leave” he growled defensively as he slashed out at a third Serpent, it’s body a sickly gray blue “Run the way we came in, I’ll hold them off”, Sastasha huffed as she pulled him backwards, out of the way of a fourth Serpent, they seemed hell bent on targeting him “No way” she protested, “I just cut you out from under one of those things” the raven haired girl growled as she twisted around him, covering his offhand side with her daggers “I’m not leaving you here to become snake food”. Sasha heard a chuckle leave Salhelanthropus’s lips “I knew there was a reason I kept you around” he muttered.

The pair fought hard against the Serpents as they coiled, and twisted maliciously, at first they strangely seemed to focus Sahelanthropus, practically ignoring her to snap, and lash out at him, however once she felled another Serpent, they began to attack at her too, trying to drive themselves between the pair, and separate them. After what felt like an eternity the tide of serpents stopped, their sickly bodies fizzling into the ground as if someone had doused them in acid. Sasha panted heavily “Now, let’s get away from he-” Sahelanthropus held a hand up, he was almost unnervingly collected, had Sasha not seen it herself, she never would have believed he had fought as hard as ten men only moments ago, his gaze was fixed on a shadowed patch of trees not far from them, maybe fifty meters in front, she slowly turned, and followed his gaze, her darkvision kicking in, what she saw caused a shaky exclamation of fear to leave her throat. Waiting, no, watching, only two meters behind the shadow of the trees, was the head of an enormous Serpent, vicious red in colour, with eyes like daggers, Sasha could feel them upon her, hungrily staring, it slowly began to move forward, slithering it’s massive girth through the tree’s. Sastasha turned to run, but Sahelanthropus caught her wrist “Don’t” he snapped “If you run I can’t protect you from her”. Sasha looked up at his, eyes wide with fear “H-her” she stammered. Sahelanthropus nodded “I’ve not been strictly truthful with you Sastasha” he said with a look of determination “You asked why I came to Anordal so long ago”, Sasha pulled against him as the titanic beast crested the treeline and glared angrily at them, a tongue bigger than her tasting the air, tasting her fear “Truth be told” Sahelanthropus said, his cold voice calming her, she loved the sound of his voice “I was hunting her” he nodded towards the beast as it coiled itself, why wouldn’t it attack? It seemed almost apprehensive “Andskoti” he growled at the Serpent in a foreign tongue. The serpent hissed something in return. Sahelanthropus turned to Sastasha, and took her face gently in his hands “Listen to me” he said sweetly “No matter what you see, I’m still me, I’ll explain everything to you in time, but for now I need you not to run, no matter what, I cannot protect you if you leave me” he said hurriedly “Wh-whu” Sasha tried to question, but her worries were cut off when Sahelanthropus leaned into her, and kissed her on the lips, a long, lingering kiss that seemed to stretch for eternity “I’ve got you” he whispered as he pulled away.

Sahelanthropus turned, a silver glow to his body, he yelled something in an odd language, sounding similar to both a hiss, and the noise one makes when one clears their throat. It was familiar, in fact Sasha was sure she had heard Maugh speak such words. However before she could rationalise the language longer, Sahelanthropus began to change in front of her eyes, his very form changing as silvery clouds steamed from his body, frosting the ground beneath him, his size more than tripled, a long thick tail began to stretch out behind him, vast wings sprouting from his back, he tipped his head back and yelled, but the roar of thunderous clouds echoed from his mouth, as his head shifted into a predatory jaw full of knife length teeth. Sahelanthropus was no mere man anymore, what stood in front of Sastasha, on four muscular legs, was a Dragon of brilliant shining silver.

Dragon and Serpent roared and clashed against each other, their blows shaking the ground beneath Sasha’s feet, she was so awestruck with the sight, she couldn’t have ran if she wanted to. The two titanic creatures tore trees from their roots, and dealt rending blows to each other. Sastasha’s breath caught in her throat as the serpent wrapped itself around the dragon, tighter, and tighter as it tried to crush the beast between it’s coils. Suddenly, the dragons freed its front claws, and drove them deep into the serpents eyes. There was a screech of pain, before the dragon pulled the beasts mouth wide open with a sickening crunch, leaning down it roared a roar of pure icy cold down the serpents gullet. The serpent thrashed, before finally settling, exhuming its last breath, before clashing to the floor, and melting away into nothing…

Sasha sat in shock as the mighty dragon stared down at her, after an eternity she swallowed and looked up at it “Y-y-your Sal” she asked timidly. The dragon nodded before speaking with surprising softness, it’s voice was different to Salhelanthropus’s, and yet so similar “yes” the Dragon said “It’s still me”. Sasha nodded and gently reached out to touch him, his scales were smooth, and shiny, like pearls in a jewelry box “are you afraid” the Dragon asked, Sasha nodded “Yeah” she chuckled in shock “You’re terrifying” she muttered with uncertainty as she looked across the injuries that marked the silver scales, years, upon years of scars, each no doubt telling a story of battle, and triumph, including one particularly large scar noting a heavy puncture wound of old in the side of his neck “Are you hurt” she asked, the Dragon shook it’s huge head “Of course not, My strength is unwavering” Sasha knew he was lying out of pride “I-I didn’t think so” she recovered “Can you” she paused “Change back” the vulpine girl asked looking up at him. With the reverse of before, his body began to change back, his wings folding up, and becoming the long tails of his coat, and his claws shifting into the silvered blade of his dagger.

Despite this rather grand secret, Sastasha, and Sahelanthropus stayed together, it definitely took some adjusting, but the pair were open with each other. With this openness came honesty. Sahelanthropus confessed that while he would never tell Sasha what to do, he had never been comfortable with her thieving nature. In the next few months, Sahelanthropus began to take more frequent, and longer business trips, instead of days, he would be gone weeks, often with little notice to Sastasha. On one occasion in particular, he missed a dinner the two had planned for some time, when he returned, he had seemingly forgot all about it. The relationship began to strain, and it was Sastasha who broke first, she had noticed Sahelanthropus growing more, and more distant from her, and confronted him. Sahelanthropus, infuriatingly didn’t see the issue, as far as he was concerned, his duties to justice, and peace came before anything, and like many Dragons, he was never going to stay rooted to one place. Sastasha argued with him, souring the night they had planned somewhat, until he interrupted her. “Sastasha” he said firmly “I’m a Silver Dragon, my priority will always be my duty” the red head frowned “And those duties will take me away from this city” he continued “I can’t promise to be here every night, or ready to drop everything for you” there was a touch of wisened understanding to his voice. As he went to explain further Sastasha held up a hand “I” she paused, gathering the words “I won’t be an anchor to you” she murmured as she began to see the bigger picture. She was a young thief of indeterminate species, he was a Silver Dragon, defender of peace, justice, and law, more than twenty times older than her. It was never going to be a permanent relationship.

Sastasha heald a lot of unfair resentment towards Sahelanthropus for some time, despite their surprisingly mature, and good natured breakup. They had promised each other to remain firm friends, and if they were ever in the same place, at the same time? Who knows. In a short time, Sastasha forgot her resentment, and once again remembered Sahelanthropus as fondly as she had when she first met him. For now however, she lives in the present, the only things on her mind are Maugh, and her own well being, the thrill of the next theft, and whatever handsome smile catches her eye.

[pedalfuzz]

The Sea And Cake

The Sea And Cake have been making elegant, assured, and singularly unique music for over two decades. The band is made up of a who’s who of Chicago experimental/indie/jazz/post-everything musicians that include Sam Prekop, Archer Prewitt, and John Mcentire.

Their latest album on Thrill Jockey Records is Any Day. Sam Prekop (singer, guitarist) sat down to talk with Pedal Fuzz about writing and recording the record, just after a soundcheck in Durham, NC, ahead of their performance at The Pinhook.

 Pedal Fuzz: Your Last album Runner came out in 2012. When did you start working on the songs that would make up Any Day?

Sam Prekop: So it was probably February 2017. Got a bit of a slow start I guess. I started actively playing guitar for that mainly on my acoustic, roaming around my house cooking dinner for the kids. Strumming the guitar, getting it together kind of. And then Archer Prewitt (guitar) and I spent a fair amount of time together before John McEntire (drums) showed up. And then the three of us rehearsed at the practice space for probably about a week with the new material. And then we went into the studio to record the basic tracks.

PF: Is that generally how it's worked in the past, you starting just with the guitar then bringing everyone else in?

SP: So Archer and I spend a lot of time without drums to work out the intricacies of the arrangements. Of course John contributes as well, but to get the ball rolling usually I start, get the basic gist of it, and then I have Archer come in. There's a few songs on the new record that Archer and I came up with just sort of messing around improvising and stuff. So it happens that way as well. "Any Day," the title track comes out of that, and also the last song "These Falling Arms."

PF: Did you record in John’s studio, Soma Studios?

SP: His studio in flux now because he moved to California. So it was different in that regard, so we used a different studio in Chicago. He had already moved right around the time I started working on the guitar stuff.

PF: So did you track in two locations, or just go out there to L.A. and track?

SP: We never made it to L.A. actually. The original plan was to go and mix it and finish it in L.A. And John moved to L.A. but then he bought a house more northern, east of San Francisco. So that kind of threw our plans for a loop a little bit. So John would mix, and then he would send us the files and we would give input on it.

PF: As far as the songwriting. how collaborative does it get once everybody else joins in? By that point do you already have the structure set, or is there room for change?

SP: So when we have the basic tracks, it can still change because I haven't done any singing yet. So I get the basic tracks into my home studio - and I have been doing it this way for a while where I record the vocals at home and mix them later with John. So I spent quite a bit of time writing and singing and recording the vocals on my own basically. I spent more time doing that this time around than other records I would say. I'm not sure why, I think I just found myself with more time.

There were a few setbacks. One was how we thought the studio would be ready in time, so we were kind of waiting for it. Things were hinging on different factors as we were working, so I wound up like, “OK, I have another month to do other stuff,” and so I ended up redoing a lot of things this time around which was good. I think because I got a little bit of time away from what I had done, I got a slight amount of perspective. I could discover that it could be better if I tried to rewrite certain lines or words.

PF: Was it mostly lyrics and vocals you were changing, or other elements?

SP: Sometimes it was just the delivery of it, like I can sort of get more out of the performance. Other times it might be some slight adjustments to the words, or rhythm things, but usually it was that I felt like I could inhabit these vocals more...not intense exactly, but just be more familiar with them. Just to be able to really perform the song.

PF: That's something striking about the record too, it kicks right off with the vocals.

SP: I know - this is the most vocal-centric record of all, and when rehearsing for this tour and playing some older stuff I'm like, "Oh my god I hardly sing at all in long spots." And I have to say the shows have been quite the vocal workout. It's an hour and a half show and I'm singing the whole time. I'm quite burnt by the end.

PF: Are you having to come up with like a honey/lemon regimen?

SP: I should maybe! It's getting better, you know. So this will be maybe our seventh show tonight, and each night it's getting a little easier. It depends on if the monitoring is good and if the sound is good on stage. If I have to over-sing, that's a problem, and sometimes that's the case if I don't hear it properly.

PF: It seems that on this album, compared to some older songs like "The Argument" or even "Harps" from the last record, there's less electronic elements. It has much more of a band feel. How did you decide that was going to be the vibe this time?

SP: Well, usually with these things the project tells you what it wants as you're working on it. I feel like my job is to pay attention as much as possible to what the material is leading you towards. So I didn't start out like, "Oh this should be a super vocal-heavy record and it should be all about that." So as it was leaning in that direction, it seemed like there was just less room for electronic stuff. And I think I think there would have been more of that if we had been in the studio together during the overdub process - which we had planned, but didn't quite happen because of logistics. So that's also part of the reason I think.

PF: Let's talk about gear a little bit. What guitar and amp are you using on the record?

SP: So I started writing on my acoustic. It's a pretty old beat up Martin 000-17. It's a Mahogany, small body kind of deal. And so I write a lot on that. I've never played it live and I don't plan on it - too many problems involved with drums and stuff.

And my main guitar is not actually a Fender Telecaster, though it looks like one. I got it maybe 15 years ago. It was built by Greenwich Village Custom Guitars (GVCG). It's sort of a legendary builder (Jonathan Wilson) which I didn't know at the time. But as soon as I tried it I'm like, "This is my guitar." So that's been my main guitar for a while.

And I use a Fender Bassman amp - but it's not actually a Fender. It's made by Victoria Amp Company out of Chicago (Victoria 45410 Tweed, modeled after a 1959 Bassman). And I've been using that for a long time as well, at least 10 or so years.

PF: What do you like about the Victoria?

SP: It sounds very acoustic. Not like an acoustic guitar, but the sound of the wooden box is very forward in a way. It feels very lively and unveiled in a way that feels very direct. It's very responsive to the way you play, very quick and responsive. There's no reverb or anything, it's a very direct, classic amp design. I imagine it's probably pretty simple. It's designed originally for bass players but it works really well as a guitar amp.

PF: And are you putting anything between the guitar and the amp?

SP: Yeah, I have a few BJFEE pedals, from Norway. Björn Juhl made them, he went on to design Mad Professor pedals. I have one that’s a very subtle overdrive I use all the time called the Honey Bee. And a BJFE EQ pedal (Sea Blue EQ) that’s amazing. I also have a Mad Professor Deep Blue delay pedal I use for a little color – I’m not big on changing my sound per song very much.

PF: You have a very crisp, but full, clean sound.

SP: On the song “Color The Mountain,” I play some pretty distorted guitar. On that I use this Swedish Himmelstrutz Fetto Nord 70 distortion pedal I’ve had a long time. But I don’t use it much.

PF: You’re in a band with people that are in so many other bands, and so many different collaborations. Does that become difficult for everyone to juggle what they have going on?

SP: There’s no real difficulty. That’s why there’s sometimes longer breaks in-between records. So Tortoise had a record in-between, so that was about two years of the lag time. I also make solo records and usually tour on those. No problems really, it’s just a matter of making the plan and it works out.

EDDIE GARCIA PLAYS GUITAR AND ALL THE PEDALS AS 1970S FILM STOCK. YOU CAN ALSO HEAR HIM REPORTING ON NPR AFFILIATE 88.5 WFDD IN WINSTON-SALEM, NC. IN THE WEE HOURS HE RUNS PEDAL FUZZ, WHICH IS A PROUD RECIPIENT OF A GRANT FROM THE ARTS ENTERPRISE LAB / KENAN INSTITUTE FOR THE ARTS. 

[theurbanologist]

When Summer Gets Windy

Good morning. 

Out the window, grey abides. It’s pasty, punctuated by a green foliage that remind me of my childhood in Seattle. In November, the grey came to the Emerald City, opened up an ample steamer trunk and said “Thanks for having me. I'll be staying until May, maybe June, with a few side trips to Grays Harbor County”. 

My mother grew up in Grays Harbor County on the Washington coast and she remembers it as an active, bustling place with the timber and fishing industries providing an abundance of employment to people in Hoquiam, Aberdeen, and other hamlets. I knew it a different way. That's another story. I don’t mind the grey, though growing up I found it grating by April. Even they I knew we had two months to go, and sometimes there would be guest appearances in July or August, as if somehow Seattleites might have forgotten this so-called “neutral” color. Maybe it is neutral amidst the color wheel. In my heart and head it is not an emotional Switzerland. 

Summer in Chicago is a vastly different experience than a Seattle summer. A Venn diagram of the two would reveal shared contours, such as ice cream, the appeal of water (saltier out West), and more time outdoors, at least given the possibility of reasonable temperatures. 

I will let you decide how to define reasonable temperatures.

With all of that in mind, I’ve asked some Chicago friends, writers, and other characters for their thoughts on what makes a Chicago summer compelling. 

 1. Happy Village. I try to make at least one annual summer pilgrimage to Happy Village, where I drink High Lifes in the twinkle-lit beer garden and relive my early 2's when I first moved to Chicago and lived in the Ukrainian Village. Of course, I go far earlier these days because I'm old. My companions and I take breaks from the stickiness by ducking inside for a quick round of Ping-Pong.  

2. Water taxi to Chinatown. I haven't done this yet, which makes this second activity aspirationally fraudulent. But my goal this year is to grab an early Sunday AM water taxi from Michigan Ave. to Chinatown where I will promptly stuff my face with dim sum at Phoenix.   

3. Cubs game/two Chicago doggies. Despite Wrigleyville's disconcerting transition into Rosemont, absolutely nothing beats a summer day at Wrigley Field. This is baseball for the baseball lover—minimal gimmicks and visual distractions—just timeless organ jams, manual scorekeeping on the ole' green board, snappy Chicago doggies and ice-cold Old Styles (now only securable at a few kiosks—our preferred being on the 500 level behind home plate). Not to mention a lot more hits by the Lovable ... Winners. 

Maggie Hennessy writes about food and other matters for TimeOut Chicago and other outlets. 

Be a salmon in any Chicago summer: that is, swim upstream against the current.  Avoid the Lakefront and its crowds—bike the Boulevard system and check out the inland parks from Jackson Park all the way up to Logan Boulevard.  

Before or after a Sox game (you can ALWAYS get a ticket, just go on spur of the moment) go to Palmisano Park (the former Stearns Quarry)on a field trip to Bridgeport, where you can also get the best hot dog or mother-in law sandwich at Johnny O’s at 35th and Morgan, before quenching your thirst at either Maria’s Community Bar or Bernice’s. 

Go to Ping Tom Park and then get dim sum any Sunday morning in Chinatown—be sure to dig the Confucius statue on 22nd Place and the Chinese-American Veteran’s Memorial on the SW corner of the intersection of Archer, Cermak, and Princeton.  

Go to Humboldt Park and experience our one inland beach, as well as the endless selection of comida boricua in Chicago’s Puerto Rican heartland. Don’t ride the Lakefront Path, go hit the path along the North Branch/canal, all the way to Wilmette from K-town.  

Summer is made for biking, do it. 

Bill Savage teaches at Northwestern University, among other pursuits.

Sipping a Negroni while thumbing through a book in the Chicago Athletic Hotel's Drawing Room Eating Quartino's pizza and discussing the hot Chicago topics of the day at Tweed Thorton's Four Star Lunch Moseying over to Old Fashioned Donuts with my mom in our neighborhood (Roseland on 112th/Michigan) 

Any trip to my alma mater includes mandatory stops at Two Asian Brothers and Hot”G”Dog (vegetarian Chicago Style hot dogs)  Grabbing a Chicago Mix at the Garrett Popcorn Shop in O'Hare for my co-workers in the HBS Initiatives.

Rayshauna Gray is a writer currently working on a book about her family’s history.  She is an honorary Boscagoan. 

I spend much of the summer looking up. Walking east along Lake Street in the morning, I like to look up and watch El trains chug east with the morning sun behind them. In the evenings, I'm on my back in Millennium Park listening to the Grant Park Orchestra. But in the middle of the day, I make time to look down. I sit on the steps along the Chicago River, just north of Michigan Avenue, and look down at the water at the boats, kayakers, ducks and critters that might float by. I bring my lunch, often with friends and can't believe this bit of nature is in the middle of the city. 

Shia Kapos is a journalist based in Chicago who writes for a number of outlets. 

Ride one of the CTA train lines all the way to the end and then see how far from there you can walk back toward where you started from.

That kind of drifting walk is magical, revelatory, entertaining and free. 

Kathleen Rooney is a poet and writer.

Fellow flaneurs will enjoy her latest book immensely.

My favorite thing to do, hands down, is to be near or on the water. Whether it’s on one of my friend’s boats or in my kayak, being on the water is cathartic for me.   

Being near the water does the same. Being active along the lakefront (although not on those god forsaken bike paths, more like beach volleyball) is key. But then again, so is just sitting on my ass at a lakefront of riverside bar throwing back a Chicago made pint of beer or a non Chicago made glass of rosé. Every year I very much look forward to neighborhood street fairs.

I grew up in old town so the Old Town art fair is near and dear to my heart. Nothing beats grilling out with friends on a blissful, firefly ridden summer night.

And last but not least, Cubs games. Duh. Although if I have to be 100% honest, I prefer watching those in October ;) 

Liz Garibay is a Chicago historian, beer expert, and an honorary Boscagoan.

In early August, a few weeks before summer winds to a close, just when I’m starting to panic about Labor Day looming and school supplies lining the shelves at Target, my son’s flag football season begins.

The teams play on Friday nights at Sheridan Park in Little Italy, a stone’s throw from Mario’s Italian Lemonade. Siblings flood the playground to the south. Parents stake out spots with blankets and lawn chairs and coolers filled with beverages to share. (It’s where I first experienced wine in a can. You drink it with a straw.) 

Dusk starts to set in around half-time. The park lights go on. The Willis Tower looms to the east, catching and reflecting the last glimmers of the August sun. It’s a lovely little square of chaos and joy and diversity --- kids come from Bridgeport and Logan Square and Bronzeville and the South Loop and Lincoln Park to play in the league. 

After the games, we congratulate our kids on their successes (or dry the tears from their losses) and head to Taylor Street for Italian lemonade. Then we head home and start counting the hours until next Friday night. 

Heidi Stevens writes the “Balancing Act” column for the Chicago Tribune.

There’s a pretty on-the-nose trope that we put up with the indignities of Chicago winter just to experience the few, fleeting months of summer. Chicago’s summertimes feel earned in the way a warm day in Los Angeles never could (it’s also why some of us scoff at snowbirds who decamp to Florida to wait out the winter). 

Two of my favorite activities in the city that really only happen in the summer take place on or near the water. After early memories of enviously watching scullers on the river near Lincoln Park and downtown, I eventually picked up a practical and portable inflatable kayak. I sneak into undisclosed put-in points around the north branch of the river and slide into the water (usually with a buddy and a small cooler of drinks in tow). 

There’s a fascinating river culture that, if you walked by the very same houses from the sidewalk, you’d miss entirely. The ecosystem feels richer, but you never forget you’re in a city. Hawks and night herons and turtles co-mingle with groaning steel bridges, train tracks and graffiti. 

When I want less isolation, I ride the southern part of the Lakefront Trail and stop off at the 63rd St. Beach. There could be an impromptu gig, pre-planned live music on the lawn and a water playground that I can run through with my summer clothes on (I’ve never been a fan of the beach proper).

If I’m feeling especially motivated, I’ll keep going south until I hit Calumet Fisheries. My reward for a long ride with be a sack of smoked shrimp and salmon that I can eat in the grassy embankment outside that little shrimp and fish shack or on the rickety picnic table that overlooks the 95th St. bridge -- and the lazy barges that float by. 

Kim Bellware is a Chicago journalist whose work has appeared most recently in Rolling Stone, Chicago Magazine, and Teen Vogue.

Though I ride my bike year-round, there is something particularly magical about riding my bike during summertime in Chicago. All the cold days fall away and you are left with sunshine and the warm breeze along the lakefront trail and city streets. It is a beautiful feeling that always makes me fall in love with Chicago again. 

There are very few things comparable to the energy of summer street festivals in Chicago when all your friends come together to enjoy music, food, or a movie. 

For that period of time, the streets become ours. 

Lynda Lopez is a reporter for StreetsBlog Chicago and she recently appeared on TV to talk about dockless bicycle initiatives. 

What's my favorite Chicago summer activity? This.

[witchymarvelspacecase]

Spread Your Wings - Pt. 5: The Words

Summary: Reader is a HYDRA experiment (like the Maximoffs, but not voluntary) who grows wings (like Angel from X-Men). She escapes (escape covered in Prologue) and is now trying to rescue and prevent further kidnappings and experiments.

Word Count: 1987

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of phobias

A/N: Here it is. A very, very large THANK YOU to both @imhereforbvcky, and @writingwithadinosaur, for their general wonderfulness and amazing writing skills! I have tagged everyone who liked/reblogged/commented on the prologue, if you would like to be tagged, or untagged, just let me know! There’s a few POV changes here FYI

Spread Your Wings Masterlist

Updated: 9/6/18

“Barton” turned out to be Clint Barton, or Hawkeye. A sarcastic archer, who you decided quite quickly may be your new best friend.

You met him when Bruce Banner arrived, and he Tony and Wanda took you down to the lab to start running scans on your head. Clint came in just as Bruce attached the last electrode to your head.

“I see you guys finally talked someone into getting your cerebral hair extensions,” he drawled as he passed behind Tony, and clapped Bruce on the shoulder.

Wanda chuckled, as did you. Tony rolled his eyes, but Bruce smiled good-naturedly, and introduced Clint to you before he explained what all the wires and sensors would be doing for the test.

“Basically they’re gonna fry your brain, kid,” Clint said from his position leaning back against a table with his arms crossed, legs crossed at the ankle.

“That’s assuming I have one left at all,” you replied. Clint laughed.

“Why are you even in here, Legolas? Don’t you have a secret family in the country to bother?” You cocked your head at Tony’s question; you knew there must have been a story there, you’d have to ask about it later.

“Natasha called me, and asked me to come help out with the kid you found. As for me being in the lab, I just wanna bug you, Tony.”

“Clint,” Wanda interjected as Tony opened his mouth to retort, “it may be best if you wait to bother Tony until he’s not messing with Y/N’s brain. Go find Nat, she’ll be with Tomas.”

Tony shot her an indignant look, Clint chuckled and made to leave, but stopped at your side briefly.

“Whenever these guys let you loose, we should talk; I know all the gossip,” he said with a wink as he left. You smirked and shook your head very slightly, careful not to dislodge any of the wires resting on your skin.

…

“Well, it looks like we shouldn't remove the chip at the moment. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but we don’t have the right equipment for that here,” Bruce said after studying the test results. Your shoulders sagged a little; you hadn’t wanted to get your hopes up, but a part of you had really hoped the chip could be gone.

“But, I think I know what’s wrong with it,” Tony said from across the lab. He was looking at a large screen suspended from the ceiling that appeared to have detailed schematics on it. “We should be able to fix it up in the meantime. Might even make a few upgrades.”

“So long as they’re not like the HYDRA ‘upgrades’, that sounds good.”

“Nothing like those,” Tony said, coming over to stand in front of you, “anything happens that you’re not comfortable with, we’ll stop. You just gotta tell us.” He reached out a hand and rested in on your shoulder. You looked at him, Bruce, and then at Wanda, who was still in the room. Wanda gave you a small smile and a nod. Everyone in the room understood your apprehension; your fear. You met Tony’s eyes again, and nodded.

“We’ll get on the upgrades then. Give us a day or two, and don’t use your chip until we upgrade,” Bruce said as he and Tony set to removing the sensors from your head.

“Should be an easy promise to keep.” You smiled a little and Wanda led you out of the lab.

…

Later that evening, you were on the roof of the building. It wasn’t particularly high off the ground, but it was enough. Enough that when you spread your wings to their fullest extent, and felt the breeze brush over your feathers, you could breathe a sigh of relief. Though your back, and still healing wing ached, open air would always make you feel better, safer. Not that bundling up with a million blankets next to a fireplace wasn’t nice too, but at your worst moments, you sought places high up, off the ground and open to the elements; something easy to launch off. It was a great source of comfort for you, but you knew that it was the opposite for most people. Especially, it seemed, Bucky.

Bucky had come to the roof looking for you. In general, he tried to avoid the roof of anything over two stories. Bucky had enough traumatic memories associated with falling, that heights and edges were among his least favorite things. But seeing you standing there, backlit by the setting sun, he almost forgot his fear. Almost; he still didn’t approach the edge.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for ya,” he called, causing you to turn around.

“Sorry, I needed the height.”

“Nothin’ to apologize for, Doll. But would ya’ mind stepping away from the edge a little?” You complied, but tilted your head in question; not only at his request for you to step back, but also at his use of a nickname. You didn’t mind, quite the opposite actually, you just hadn’t expected it.

“I, uh, I don’t like heights much,” Bucky explained, rubbing the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable. Fear you could understand, even if this particular fear was entirely foreign to you. You nodded and came closer to him, pulling your wings tighter to your body.

“It’s called Basophobia, the fear of falling. Fear of heights is Acrophobia. They’re different things, but sorta related I guess. I have Merinthophobia,” you paused at Bucky’s confused expression, “it’s the fear of being restrained, or tied up. I guess I’m Claustrophobic too, but I think that’s more cause if I’m in a space that I can’t spread my wings out, it sort of hurts. Aaaaand I’m completely babbling, aren’t I? Sorry.” You began mentally berating yourself. Nobody gave a shit what their phobias were called, let alone what yours were. You didn’t really talk to people much, but for some reason, Bucky made you want to talk.

Bucky chuckled lightly.

“Don’t have to apologize,” he said. There was a small smile on his face as he said it, but you still felt the need to apologize again; the awkwardness had diminished but for some reason you were still hyper-aware of every single thing you did when Bucky was present. Everything that he did too.

At that moment he had closed most of the distance between the two of you. He was looking at your wings. The setting sun was filtering through the filaments of your primaries, making them look especially soft. Buck seemed transfixed, barely stopping himself as he reached put his right hand to touch the feathers.

“Shit, sorry! I didn’t even ask,” Bucky said, pulling his arm back quickly and muttering something that sounded like “way to go, ya jerk”, under his breath.

You laughed quietly before saying, “it’s okay to touch them; I don’t mind.”

Without thinking, you reached out, grabbed his right wrist and brought his hand back up to your left wing.

He looked to you, still unsure, but you smiled and nodded slightly in encouragement. Ever since leaving HYDRA, you’d been sensitive to touch; you sought it out, craved it almost, especially when it came to your wings. The scientists at HYDRA had only ever touched your wings in a rough, cold manner. After escaping, having people touch your wings was a reminder that you weren’t in that place anymore; that you were free. You took great comfort from other people’s gentle touches.

Bucky seemed awestruck. He hadn’t taken any comfort in touch when he’d first escaped HYDRA; he had even flinched away from Steve. He could enjoy physical contact after a while, but he was shocked at you. Not only had you not stopped Tomas or him from touching your wings, which Bucky knew would have been the focus of most of HYDRA’s experiments (much like his arm had been), but you’d welcomed it.

He spread his fingers, lightly brushing them over the top arch of your wings and down the feathers.

“They’re so soft,” Bucky brought his face closer to your wings, looking at the feathers. He was just a breath away from you, you could feel the warmth from his skin just as he could feel the warmth of your wings.  He hadn’t noticed how close he’d gotten to you. The moment he did, he went to move away. However, at that same moment, the door to the roof banged open, starling both of you. Then Bucky was startled again.

Bucky who had been standing with his back to the door, had quickly turned his body to face it, and brought his right arm behind him to move your body entirely behind his, placing himself between the door and you. But your instant reaction had been to wrap your wings around the both of you, just as you’d done to shield Tomas, but now it was Bucky. Bucky, who was so used to being the one to put himself in the line of fire to protect other people. Whether it was out of a twisted self-hatred, or the knowledge that he was physically able to handle more damage than most people didn’t matter, he did it. Except, you had done it instead. The only other person who had put themselves in the line of fire for him was Steve. But while Steve did it because of years of friendship, you’d put yourself on the line for him after only having known him for a few days; it threw Bucky for a loop.

When you realized that the person coming out the door was not a threat, you retracted your wings quickly and completely, hiding them from sight, but you didn’t step away from Bucky. You were almost pressed to his back, but his arm had wound its way around your side to hold you in place as you’d wrapped your wings around the both of you; he hadn’t released you yet.

“Steve? What’s got ya slammin’ doors all of a sudden? I know your ma raised you better than that,” Bucky teased a little stiffly. He held his body rigid, his arm tightening around you.

“You gotta come to the conference room. Tomas remembered something, but we can’t make heads or tails of it. We’re hoping Y/N can.”

“What’s the rush?” you asked gently, not wanting to startle Bucky, who was still tense.

“He said it was something the HYDRA soldiers had said after their ‘angel’ comment.”

“Then let’s hear it,” you said, resting your hand on Bucky’s forearm, just enough to remind him that he was still holding you. He moved his arm slowly, glancing over his shoulder at you as he did. You gave him a half-smile as you walked around him towards Steve, and you gave his arm a light squeeze as you passed. Bucky smiled a little as he followed you and Steve down the stairs to the conference room.

That was where everything went to shit.

You sat in the chair closest to the door, Bucky on your right, Natasha on your left, and Tomas repeated the words he’d overheard the soldiers saying. He struggled a little since the words were not in his native Portuguese, but in Russian. But it didn’t matter because the words still had their desired effect.

“желание, рушиться, восемнадцать, сумерки, кулер, девятнадцать, злокачественный, отъезд, ноль, двигатель” (desire, crumble, eighteen, twilight, cooler, nineteen, malignant, departure, zero, engine)

You barely even heard the third word. Your ears were filled with a ringing sound and your vision was narrowing and unfocused. But the moment the last word was spoken, the damage had been done. It was only made worse by Tony speaking up when he noticed the change in your demeanor.

“Angel?” he asked, using the name you hated. He meant it as a harmless nickname, but for you, it was more.

“готов к полету,” you responded. (ready to fly).

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[theabyssalmuses-a]

Otis Vondork alt Verse: Fate

True Name: Otis Vondörk Alias: Archer of Eternity’s End Class: Archer

Parameters:

Strength: B Endurance: A   Agility: B Mana: C NP Rank: EX+ Luck: EX  

Class Skills:

1. Independent Action B  [Increase own Critical Damage by 8% ] Independent Action allows a servant to continue to exist without a steady supply of mana. Otis’ mana cost is surprisingly low, and even deploying his Noble Phantasm seems possible without his master - up to 3 times. If he were to lose his master, he could last a few weeks so long as he avoids combat. (Although, this rank seems possible due to some other factors..)

2. Border of Life and Death A [ Increases own instakill resist by 50%, increase own Instakill rate by 10%] Despite being summoned as a servant, the human ‘Otis Vondork’ is still technically alive - somewhere. He exists upon a boundary where he is ‘alive’ but ‘dead’. The exact details are a little hard to comprehend even for him, but in ‘his’ world he is 100% dead- and yet he somehow lives on regardless. This skill grants him resistance against that which would kill him - for he is already dead, while also increasing his chance on luck checks on ‘killing’ something else.

3. Divergent Presence EX [ Increase own critical damage of Arts Cards by 8% Increase own crit star gather rate by 8% ] A rather peculiar skill that somewhat acts as a ‘presence concealment’ …but also as the opposite. His ‘origin’ is that of ‘Humanity’ or perhaps ‘Normalcy’. In crowds he blends in impossibly well, the everyday hustle and bustle of humans easily masking his presence - though around mages and other magical phenomena he sticks out like a sore thumb. It’s hard to say exactly how this works, but it seems that the eyes simply gloss over him or a drawn to him - with no in-between.

Personal Skills:

1.Demon God’s Blessing B: Increases own damage against Demonic enemies [1 turn], Increases own Arts performance [3 turns] A mysterious blessing relating to a demonic force that encompasses his body, increasing his physical strength and endurance. The presence of a certain someone is almost entirely why he is summoned, and so her blessing remains upon him - although he himself says “It’s nothing too complicated…I’m sure she was just worried I’d get hurt.”

For him to say such a thing so casually, and about a demon no less…just what’s his deal?

‘Til Death Do We Part A+: Increases own critical damage [1 turn], Increases own Instant-Kill success rate [1 turn], Ignores Invincibility [1 turn] A skill that was born from love and hate, a rather despair filled manifestation of some rather important events. In short- these are the feelings he has that universe rejects. In the same vein, it is rather hopeful skill that goes against this ‘Fate’.  Notions such as ‘It’s not our fate to be together’ and ‘This love is not aligned to destiny’ ..these are what he refuses outright. This is a rejection of fate, a delayed goodbye that exists upon a time that will never truly arrive. This skill is, truly, how hard he fights for that love, to the point that even most advanced protections- such as a protection that writes into fate itself ‘I cannot be harmed’ - can be bypassed.  

3.Natural Born Genius B: Grants self Guts status [1 time, 3 turns], 80% Chance to increase own NP damage [1 turn], 80% Chance to increase own defense [3 turns] In life, Otis Vondork worked hard in the field of science, making a name for himself as a hardworking physicist and engineer. He was never ‘the best’, although he did revolutionize a few things in the field, and “Vondork Industries” became known globally for it’s reliable products. Of course, experience has meant this skill works in other contexts too- allowing him to come up with well thought out plans on the fly.

Noble Phantasm:

1. 'An Ode to Lost Love ; The Bullet that Pierced Through Eternity’ Rank: EX + A single target Arts NP that removes targets buffs and deals heavy damage + has an extremely high chance to instakill [demonic] enemies. This Noble Phantasm is infinitely deadly against [demonic] enemies, effectively a death sentence should they get hit. Once upon a time a man fell in love with a demon. They were very, very happy together- and though they wished for that time to never end…alas, all good things. The demon had created a time loop such that whenever anything happened to her, the events would reset and allow her to prepare and stop that event.

That is, until Otis himself stepped up and shot her, ending her thousand year reign of time loops - though it pained him to do so.

This Noble Phantasm re-creates that situation, the bullet that pierced infinity, despite the fact he only ever used a normal gun - it was simply the bullet that was enchanted. (The mana cost for this Noble Phantasm is surprisingly low.) Even if these events didn’t happen in this world…they still happened, and so they still hold meaning.

2. Perception of Normalcy: A reflection of easy going days - EX rank Anti Unit (Self) Noble PhantasmT

This Noble Phantasm represents how, despite everything, Otis always was just a regular person. It manifests as his signature lab coat. By buttoning it up, he can effectively hide his presence as a servant, even from servants with EX rank presence detection. However, Having it done up will essentially make him human. He will be nigh imperceptible as as a servant -even an Anti-Servant bounded field could be fooled this way. Of course, his parameters would be 'null’ in this state, making him effectively useless in a servant fight Unbuttoning it suddenly can also cause him nausea, as going from 'human’ to 'servant’ in too little time will throw him off. Furthermore, it can cause issues with his master, as going from no mana flow to suddenly feeding mana once again can impact them, too. This Noble Phantasm is unable to utilise by any other servant, as it is tailored specifically to his spirit origin. An excellent support NP for hiding in plain sight.

[themadlostgirl]

Not Dead Yet (Part 22)

*Why did this take me so long to write? Ah well it’s up now. Thanks for all the love! <3*

Pairing: Reader x Peter Pan

Warning: language

After Peter and I had stopped making out things got uncomfortably quiet. We sort of just stood there catching our breath and avoiding eye contact. What were we supposed to do now? Should I leave? Should I say something? What exactly is the protocol to what to do after you make out with your friend/leader?

“Well,” Peter broke the silence, “I’m just gonna say it. I enjoyed that immensely.”

“Oh my god,” I muttered, “Peter, really?”

“What? You didn’t?” he cocked an eyebrow up at me. “Certainly seemed like you were enjoying yourself.”

“I’m not saying I didn’t cause I did but this is weird, isn’t it?” All my nervous energy was bouncing about.

He shrugged, “It’s only weird if you make it weird, Lost Girl.”

“So what now? We forget this ever happened and move on with our lives?”

“Why would we do that?”

“Why wouldn’t we?”

“I thought we just agreed we both liked it.”

“Yes, so what?”

“So,” he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, “Shouldn’t two attractive people that are great kissers take advantage of that?”

“What are you proposing?”

“Simple. We go about our normal lives. In front of the boys you and I are as we always have been. If either one of us gets a craving then we sneak off behind some tree and make out until we can’t breathe.”

“You have some real intimacy addiction don’t you?” I rolled my eyes at him, “I can see the benefit though. Just so long as you understand that if I do do this it is only going to be a cheeky snog against a tree. I will not have sex with you.”

He let out a disappointed groan. “Fine. But if you change your mind--” I elbowed him hard in the stomach. “You are so abusive.”

“Stop being disgusting and maybe I won’t find a reason to hit you.” I smoothed out my appearance. “If we understand each other then I’m going to head back to camp.”

“Yes, yes,” he grabbed me again, “Seal it with a kiss?”

“You have a problem.” I gave him a quick peck that seemed to disappoint him before leaving.

From then on things weren’t that different. I mean things are definitely different seeing as how I spend my evenings making out with Peter but besides that things were the same at camp. Any of the boys that tried to give me grief about Peter’s rumour were quickly dealt with. Poor Carlos lost a foot due to his constant disgusting remarks. It was an accident anyways, all I meant to do was break it and ended up crushing it completely to the point we had to chop it off. After that the teasing from the others cooled down. It is amazing how many times I have to make these boys scared of me to get them to respect me. C’est la vie.

I will admit that things with Peter are awkward in a sense. I don’t take it upon myself to initiate anything. With all the boys around and the fact that I didn’t really crave kisses I never approached him about it. Peter on the other hand…

If I could count on anything it was that Peter has an addiction to a certain level of physical intimacy. I mean I already knew that considering his little night time visits to the other realms but that was sex. He’d leave maybe once or twice a month or so for a fix. With our arrangement though that was amplified by ten.

There I was just walking along in the jungle when someone pulled on my arm and I was pressed into a body. “Good morning,” he murmured in my ear.

“Morning,” I relaxed, “You know there are other ways to get my attention right?”

“What fun are those?” he pulled me closer, “We made our agreement a while ago but you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder since. I would have thought from how often you couldn’t keep your hands off me before that--”

With a roll of my eyes I pulled him down for a kiss. “Was that what you wanted?”

“You make teasing you a lot less fun when you just give me what I want.” he sighed.

“First you complain that I haven’t been hanging off you and now you’re complaining that I am? And you call me a paradox.”

“You know about that?”

“I do now.” I smirked at him and he returned the cheeky grin. “You act like you’re the first person to think as much. The amount of times Devin’s made fun of me for being the human embodiment of an anomaly are too many to count.”

“Well you have to admit you do do things that don’t make a whole lot of sense.” he flicked my nose, “Are you sure you’re not from Wonderland?”

“Seeing as how I don’t even know where you’re talking about I’m gonna go ahead and say no.” I looped my arms around his neck, “Now did you really come here just to tell me how strange I am?”

“I suppose not.” he pressed me closer and kissed me hard.

As weird as this was for me to accept I did enjoy kissing him a lot. My skin gets all tingly and my heart starts pounding and this strangely satisfying twist curls up in my stomach. Pressed together, mouths connected, hot breath passing back and forth. Not to mention the noises. Peter made a lot of little noises. Mainly little groans and a hushed whisper that never quite reached my ears. Every time we made out I understood a little better why girls wanted to sleep with him if kissing was half as good. It almost made me want to consider it but that was a temptation to tackle another day.

His hands skirted at the edge of my shirt before slipping under rubbing the bare skin of my back. I pulled back earning a disgruntled groan. “What?”

“You know what, watch where you’re putting those.”

“You are determined to make this as boring as possible, aren’t you?”

“Boring? Me?”

“Yeah, you can’t take things being a little frisky. That’s half the fun of making out.”

“Well then,” I pushed him so we both collapsed to the ground with my legs resting along either side of him. I ran one hand up under his shirt while leaning down toward his neck kissing lightly up to his ear. I raked my fingers back down his torso and gave his ear a playful nip. I sat back up and took in his blushing bewildered face. “Was that better?”

“Are you sure you’re a virgin?” he ran his hands up along my thighs.

“Just another thing that makes me a paradox, huh?” I chuckled, “And unless that’s your dagger I’m feeling I’d say that’s what you really like about me.”

His eyes widened even more as I stood up. I could feel my own face heating up after my bold little act and the fact that I was a hundred percent sure I knew what was really pressing against my thigh. Still it was satisfying to know that I could affect him like that so easily.

“Where are you going?” he sat up, “I think you should finish what you started.”

“Only in your dreams, Petey. I’m heading to training.” I picked up my club and hoisted it over my shoulder. “See ya!”

“Don’t call me Petey!”

“I make out with you, I got you hard, I’ll call you whatever the goddamn hell I want!” I called back, “If you got a problem with that then fight me. You know where I’ll be.”

When I got to training most of the boys were hard at work. What was I gonna do today? I didn’t need anymore training with my club and spear and sword wielding were a breeze. If I want to be a good recruit then I should master all forms including stupid archery.

“Hey, Nick,” I tapped him on the shoulder, “Lend me a bow?”

“You’re gonna try archery? Really?”

“I know I stink but there’s only one way to get better right?” I took the bow and notched an arrow. I let go and watched it fly. It hit the target but supremely poorly. Some of the more accomplished archers sniggered at me. Whatever, so they could shoot pointy sticks, I could crush their skulls with one swing of my club. Who really had the more power?

“Y/N,” Nick came up behind me and corrected my stance, “You’re too tense. Good form is the strength without compromising the ease. Keep a strong base and steady arm but keep your movements fluid.”

“Like this?” I pulled back another arrow and let it fly. It fell short of the target by a foot.

“Almost, you were being a little too loose. Let me show you,” He guided my arm from behind and this time when the arrow flew it hit close to the center of the target.

I shot off a few more arrows some doing better than others and Nick giving me some help and constructive criticism from time to time. By an accident that was in no way my fault one of the arrows somehow got aimed right at Nick’s foot at one point. It didn’t hit him but the little jumping dance he made as he tried to avoid it was one that made me laugh out loud.

“Great, I think I got it!” I took in a deep breath as I pulled back my last arrow. I got this. Keep my movements fluid and my stance strong and I should--

“AROO AROO!” the sudden crow made me fumble and I shot the arrow into the dirt.

“Dammit!” I turned around to see what was going on. Peter had finally made his way to training with a confident swagger that could only mean one thing. We were about to play a game.

“I have some great news everyone!” he shouted to everyone, “We have some new guests on the island.”

New guests? Now this was a first. In all the years I’ve been here the only guests we’ve ever had were the new Lost Boys. Judging by how only an hour ago I had Peter pinned to the ground I would seriously doubt he had gone and gotten a new boy. That meant that our guests were actually, for lack of a better word, trespassers. Ooh, this was sounding like fun.

“So, who’s stopped by our little realm?” one of the boys asked.

“A grand ship by the looks of it.” Peter told us, “If memory serves I’ve seen this ship before except they were running royal colors the last time I saw them.”

“Who are they? Navy? Explorers?” another boy spoke up.

“Much more exciting than goody-two shoes navy men or empty-headed explorers.” his smirk twisted into a devilish smile, “Boys and Y/N, we have pirates at our shore.”

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